Dating is presented as a nonChristian activity that Christians should do.

Readership: All
Theme: Dating and the SMP
Author’s Note: This review was written by the author of Lexet Iustitia, and was first published on 2018 September 12.  This revised version was coauthored with Jack.
Length: 2,500 words
Reading Time: 9 minutes + 13.5 minutes of video excerpts

The Movie

The dating project is an hour long movie, produced by PureFlix (the producer of many a film that Dalrock has hilariously disparaged in the past).  In short, if your favorite genre of film is corny Christians living in a rainbow-fluff world where everything ends happily-ever-after, PureFlix produced it.

Of note, Boundless* has been peddling this movie, The Dating Project, for quite a while now.

The film itself starts out with an interesting statistic: “For the first time in history, 50% of America is single.”  As of 2014, this statistic was true, with 50.2% of Americans over the age of 16 being unmarried.  The statistic doesn’t necessarily account for cohabiting couples or couples who live in different residences, and also defines 16 and up as “adult” persons.  However, I will say something from my own personal observations that is even more dramatic – this is the first generation where those who desire to be married are finding that it seems impossible to find a spouse!

It’s no joke.

Speaking from experience, I’ve known many individuals who experienced difficulty in finding a suitable marriage partner as early as the 1990s and 2000s, but only because they chose to do things God’s way – skip “dating”, and proceed directly to marriage.  For reference, see Jack’s Dating Experiences in College (2018-3-25). For most others, marriage was certainly postponed, but most people got around to it eventually.

Then the so called Purity Movement in the 2000s had the effect of undermining Christianality by revealing it for the farce that it was. The once popular, high opinion of Marriage took a prickly muff dive after this.

Apparently, it’s only gotten worse over the past decade.

The content of this film indicates that we have regressed so far now, that even dating seems sophisticated by comparison. Young people are so awkward and fearful of social cohesion, and so solipsistic about LTRs, that they don’t even know how to date, and marriage isn’t even a consideration!

Dating is Recast as a Homework Assignment

In response to this ignorance about dating, one host personality in the film, Professor Kerry Cronin (AKA “The Dating Professor”), gives students an “assignment” to go on a date.

Prof. Cronin gives her “Levels of Dating” as follows.

  1. Less than $10 for 60 minutes if things are going well, 90 minutes max.
  2. Undefined.
  3. Discovering if you can lean into them emotionally.

Cronin also has a list of “rules” about dating.

One of the rules include this one. “If you don’t know by the third date if you have a romantic interest in them, then let them go.”  I’m aware that this is standard advice for those who don’t believe in Christ, but this is awful advice for the Christian.

Interestingly enough, the professor encourages the female students to consider men in their group of friends, or those who have good qualities, but don’t necessarily have the greatest of looks. Not surprisingly, the female student responds by saying she wants to keep those guys “in reserve” for later.

Guys listen up, this mindset is standard in the culture, even in the church – women will ignore great relationship material in order to focus on fleshly desires. If you are a Christian, you are better off ignoring that person entirely.

Hooking Up In the Dark

When students at Boston College are interviewed about their dating assignments, despite having zero dating experience, they all admit to having hooked up.  What I find to be absolutely bizarre, however, is that two of the men stated they felt better and more excited to go on a date than having sex.  LOL!!!  I can’t even begin to comprehend those comments.  As young as they are, there is no way they are that jaded.

One woman from the college, Shanzi, states that a hookup is judgment free and in the dark“, whereas “dating subjects one to public scrutiny in the light.” Her statement makes it crystal clear that young people are not only drawn to the sex, but also the spiritual darkness of hooking up. Cronin rightly acknowledges the absurdity of saying a date is more intimate than becoming one with someone’s flesh [my words].

It just goes to show how culturally converged Churchianity has thoroughly gone to Churchistan.

Ignorance or Denial?

The first scenes feature college students, some 30 year olds, and a 40-year-old struggle to define what dating is.  Although I understand that dating isn’t “in,” I found it very weird that people couldn’t even define the term, especially those in their 30’s and 40’s.

Is it ignorance or denial? It’s hard to comprehend just how young people could be this ignorant about dating. Maybe they felt ashamed and just didn’t want to tell PureFlix what they truly thought.

Perhaps the participants couldn’t define the term because they live in major metropolitan areas (NYC, Boston, LA, and Chicago).  Would people in “flyover” country give similar responses?  Based on my experience, I would say, probably yes.  With the advent of cable TV and social media, there really aren’t any regional subcultures in America anymore.

More interesting are the comments inferring that “dating” is something middle and high schoolers do. Oh, middle schoolers “date” now?

One scene later in the film attempted a little more false honesty by saying that the term “hookup” is used as an ambiguous term that encompasses many, and contradictory activities.  I was not convinced and found this to be a total copout.  The purpose of a hookup is for sex, and those who try to define it differently either (1) have a limited and false definition of sexual activity; (2) are too embarrassed about their own sexual indiscretions, maybe even including hookups or ONS; or (3) are socially retarded.  The incorrect use of the word “hookup” does not impact the definition of the term, but reflects the intelligence and honesty of the person using it.

So again, why is this film being hawked by a “Christian” ministry (Boundless)?

Distracted or Drifting?

Ironically, one woman says, “people in my culture don’t know what their end goal is.”  I agree, and think it’s mostly true.  However, I think if the film explored the topic of relationships further, they would find that people are single, not because they don’t know what their purpose in dating is, but because they reject marriage.

Yes, they reject marriage. Women reject marriage until it’s not a viable option. As for men, the incel group is excluded from marriage. MGTOWs patently reject marriage. The remaining few men who are active in the SMP don’t experience the frustrating difficulty of finding a spouse because they have no desire to be married. As a result, we see that marriage isn’t even a consideration in their minds.

One big reason why women and the latter group of men have no desire to marry is because they are hooking up prolifically (a polite euphemism for fornicating). Why buy the cow when the udder is free?

All through 40+ minutes of dancing around the issues, the movie never makes the clear point that there is no incentive to date (or marry) when sex comes cheap and easy. The directors chose to ignore this, or have missed it entirely. Do they think such a blatant omission is required for a “Christian audience”? If so, then they’re disrespecting the average Christian’s valuation of the truth.

Instead, the film is about the American nonculture in general, and without actually defining the problem, and only a symptom of it, prescribes “dating” as an answer!

Yes, dating! I can’t wrap my head around the fact that we now live in an age when dating is a mystery – so much so that it requires a Pureflix film to present a convincing argument that it is a better alternative than hooking up!

Either way, we’re NEVER getting away from forning around!

Personalities

While watching this movie, I coined my own nicknames for several of the characters, such as “Busted in Boston”, “Desperate in Chicago”, “Lost in LA”, and “Naïve in NYC”.

The majority of the film follows a cast of characters from all walks of life who are either trying to understand why they want to date and learn how to do it, or people who want to date, yet can’t find a date. Some of those interviewed, like Cecilia (Busted in Boston), didn’t even want to engage in the mating market at all, even though they were deathly afraid of remaining single forever.

One of the more interesting characters is Chris (Lost in LA), a man in his 40s who started off saying he was “not serious about a relationship,” and quite frankly, he seemed absolutely lost in life.  Although it was never explicitly stated, it’s inferred that he has gotten more out of past relationships than what the Biblical standard would allow.

Chris makes several good observations about the paradox of choice in the dating market: it’s like window shopping, and we are given so many options that we throw out the good in hopes of the perfect.

Chris later remarks that:

“…if you are physically intimate with a person without knowing what they think about [things such as babies, marriage, divorce, friendship, etc.], you are in a minefield without a map.”

Chris gets it to some extent, but none of them seem to comprehend the fact that prolific promiscuity causes one’s character to crumble.

Impressions

These interviews show how empty sex is, not only when it’s not coupled with commitment, but also when you have an extensive history. The interviews also show how fragile the egos are for most people in their 20’s and 30’s. To be terrified of asking someone out to a $10 ice cream, but to be willing to have sex with a random person at a party reflects an incredible lack of maturity and confidence. It’s like the current millennial generation is a bunch of shell-shocked walking-wounded.

The desperate woman from Chicago touches on this:

“…maybe we are afraid of getting hurt or we are already hurt and don’t want it to happen again. But that’s depriving yourself to feel.”

A lot of those interviewed have such a negative impression of intersexual relations that they have very little interest in pursuing an LTR, and even dating is regarded as a challenge that is incommensurate to the benefits.

The hookup culture has not only spoiled these young people for marriage, but even for dating too!

Other notable moments from the film:

  • ¾ of the women at dinner in Chicago had no problem with a man who watches porn while in a relationship!  This is the exact opposite of what we hear from Christian wives.
  • “Knowing your own worth” comes at a cost.
  • Spending time crushing on a person sets up a false image of them in your head.
  • Women put their career first, did not prioritize marriage, and then are surprised they aren’t married. (SHOCKER, RIGHT?!)
  • The woman from NYC says that womanhood and marriage needs to be preached from the pulpit, and that everyone is afraid of rejection. I agree with this 100%. The topics of Manhood, womanhood, marriage, relationships, etc. are swept under the rug by every group of Christians in the United States. It’s rare to find a ministry that gives half decent relationship advice, let alone biblically wise advice.

Conclusions

It is surprising that this movie is endorsed by Boundless because it doesn’t advocate the Christian perspective.  While it does interview two possible believers, it makes no reference to marriage as something for people to consider, which is oddly inconsistent with the purported theme of the movie. After all, the entire opening of the film plays up the “tragedy” that 50% of the country is not married.

Instead, the overall goal of the film, in my opinion, is to get people to participate in “dating,” as defined by Professor Kerry Cronin, “The Dating Professor,” a person I have heard of through media. But if indeed the goal of the film is to increase dating among 18-40 year olds, I think it absolutely fails at being convincing. It completely fails at presenting a thesis: it offers a solution, yet doesn’t define the problem, doesn’t explain how the solution will work, or why you should try their solution. At least the portions of the film featuring the Boston College students reveal the reason why youth are uninterested in long term relationships.

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To some degree, the movie is a catharsis that gives Christian viewers a false sense of familiarity by presenting a white washed image of “dating” among “Christians”, while at the same time, it tells of sociosexual interactions that would be unnerving if not shocking to conservative or older viewers. So reactions may vary depending on one’s age and past experiences.

Although it presents dating as a better alternative than hooking up, it gives off hints that neither one is very Christian at all. In this view, it fails as a Christian film. However, it does report some relevant information about what Christians are faced with in the current SMP, and therefore may have value to Christian audiences.

I recommend the film only because it highlights different attitudes about relationships that viewers can learn from, but only if they’re paying close attention.

If you watch this with a young person, son, or daughter, then be prepared to explain how hooking up works, translate all the rhetorical circumlocution offered by those involved in this subculture, and point out why the film is utterly wrong about “dating” as a Christian approach to marriage.

* I have followed the Boundless blog and its Facebook page for several years, and have since been blocked and banned by their all-female staff, who promote nothing but heresies on their private Facebook groups.  I have often wondered about the theology and quality of advice they give, and now realize it’s been mostly garbage.  I started to notice about three years ago that their audience is overwhelmingly female, AND the males are either questionable, or get booted out of the forum quickly (they eventually kicked me out).  My point is that I will never recommend or support Focus on the Family.

Related

More video exerpts are available at The Dating Project (YouTube Channel).