Wingman rules must not be obvious. I say that because whenever I hang out with a new guy without discussing the rules beforehand a severe “miscommunication” is sure to follow. In case you forgot, here are the rules:
1. The guy who does the approach gets first pick. This should be common sense, but many times I’ve approached a group where my wing made a beeline for the hottest one. I’m not doing the work for you, bro. It shouldn’t have to be said that the guy who put the most upfront investment should also receive the biggest possible reward. If your wing makes the approach, your mindset should be “I’m on standby, ready to help if he needs it.” It would be nice if life was like Swingers, where two guys match up well with two random girls, but the reality is that you’re lucky if just one guy comes out of there with something. That guy should be the one who did the approach.
2. Don’t join the set until invited by the guy who did the approach. Understand that he’s busy building interest and trying to establish conversation. By randomly rolling up and squeezing yourself into the mix, you’ll disrupt his flow. There will be some point in the conversation, usually between the 1-3 minute mark, where he makes a comment about who he’s with. That’s when he glances over and introduces you. Before that, though, your only job is to hold the fort by deflecting potential cockblockers.
In some cases your friend will isolate the target on his own after the girlfriend moves off to the side. Your instinct will be to move on the girlfriend since she’s free, but are you sure you won’t fuck it up? Your boy is already isolated with his girl, so if you spit bad game the girlfriend may cockblock out of disgust with you. I’d play it conservative and let your boy get something strong going before you even start thinking of what you’re going to get out it.
3. Don’t upstage your wingman it front of his girl. Don’t talk about your job, don’t crack jokes, don’t interrupt their conversation to say something witty, and definitely don’t touch her—just shut the fuck up and make her think you’re a quiet dude. The most grievous thing you can do is make it harder for your boy when we already know getting laid isn’t the easiest thing in the world to do.
When I’m introduced to my friend’s girl, I’m pleasant but terribly boring because I don’t want her to have any doubt that she already snagged the “cool” friend. Without even saying anything, I hype up my buddy and make it more likely he’ll hook up with her. The only time you should turn on the charm for the girlfriend is if you are already fucking her friend. For example, if you started dating a girl and she brings her girlfriend out, feel free to be your normal self. But in front of your boy’s girl, simply be pleasant and quiet.
It’s rare to see two guy friends who both approach with equal intensity. Usually there’s the bold guy who does all the approaches and then the timid one who secretly hopes to ride off his coattails. Wingman rules are meant to maintain the power structure so the timid friend with weaker game knows his role as the helper. Hopefully he’ll get thrown a bone at some point, but until he grows a set and does some approaches himself, his job is to revel in your game glory and not fuck things up.
Problems usually come up when your wing is an alpha like yourself. Since when has “rules” stopped him? What happens is he doesn’t respect your approaches, and then you don’t respect his, and both of you end the night with no girls. While these rules can be seen as rigid, it ensures the best possible outcome for both of you, especially for the man who’s doing most of the work. Whenever I go out with a new guy I start with “This is how I usually work it at night,” and then go into the rules. No man has been bothered by them, and it almost always guarantees a decent night.
