HerukaRising Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
1	Advice needed: Building a sense of self-worth		HerukaRising	/r/askMRP	09/11/16 01:28 PM

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
3	No self respect, messed up myself. Start lifting. Go to the gym. Study the subject. Set goals. Build discipline. It will slowly boost your confidence and start spreading to other areas of life. It's all I've got for you, mate.	/r/askTRP	10/11/18 10:50 AM
26	Musings After a Wedding Enjoyed reading this. The main takeaways for me were these: I enjoyed myself and my wife enjoyed myself too when she was ready. Don't force it. It's better to be sexual rather than complain about your wife not being sexual.	/r/MarriedRedPill	23/04/18 06:23 PM
1	4 months in, making progress but sex still sucks Dude, "4 months in" is basically nothing. Neither for you nor her. Just sayin.	/r/askMRP	19/09/17 05:04 AM
37	Anger: Your best diagnostic tool For a long, long time, since our kids were very small I have struggled with this particular issue: My wife regularly goes out (exercise, seeing friends etc.) and I stay home taking care of the kids. Quite often, sometimes pretty much always, she would come back home and start complaining about some minor detail, such as there being toys on the floor or some dishes unwashed. This used to drive me mad and for good reasons, I thought: I had maybe played with the kids all evening, fed them and put t…	/r/MarriedRedPill	25/05/17 06:46 PM
2	When to initiate? Well, the point kind of is to do it whenever you feel like, not when we say you should. Learn to be comfortable with the fact that you want to fuck and that you have every right to do so.	/r/askMRP	03/05/17 02:12 PM
1	Need some advice on how to respond Indeed.	/r/askMRP	29/03/17 06:34 PM
1	Need some advice on how to respond Recently, there was a discussion on /r/fitness on the topic of "Why do you train?" Here are two of my favorite answers: To crush my foes, see them driven before me and hear the lamentations of their women. and I want women to lick my abs. Try these and see which one works better.	/r/askMRP	29/03/17 05:24 AM
8	Advice I am a long time lurker I am obese, and a T2 diabetic Okay, this just make no sense at all. You should have a pretty good idea what to start with. The rest of your post has very little meaning until you fix this.	/r/askMRP	28/03/17 10:42 AM
8	How to hold frame with shit test from wife that causes major disturbance in everyday life? Dude! You keep submitting these low-quality questions here, asking us to solve your everyday problems. I have an action plan for you for the next 6 months: When your wife gives you shit, STFU, go lift and read the fucking sidebar. When your wife gives you honey, say "Thanks", kiss her on the cheek, STFU, go lift and read the fucking sidebar. There are no workarounds.	/r/askMRP	14/02/17 07:41 AM
3	Expectations During Pregnancy I take this is your first child? It would be in your best interests to get rid of all expectations for her. There are so many things that can go unexpectedly or even wrong during the pregnancy and the labor. Or everything will be just fine. In any case, it will take the both of you a long time to adjust to the inevitable changes. I'm talking years, so this won't be solved in one online discussion. Take good care of yourself and take good care of her. Just don't let her tip you off-balance.	/r/askMRP	14/02/17 07:33 AM
1	Wife says "we need to talk". You're absolutely right. And a further problem for her trusting the decisions is my still far-from-perfect ability to communicate these decisions, lacking frame and not handling the challenges in a calm manner. But this was one of the most challenging shit-tests so far on my path and dealing with it in a somewhat decent manner does give confidence. Thanks.	/r/askMRP	08/02/17 11:58 AM
2	Wife says "we need to talk". It was working like a charm until I put my foot down about the finances. I know exactly how you feel. Someone said in a recent thread something along the lines: "You think sex is difficult? Wait until you try taking control of the finances." Anyway, for me this is just another reminder of the fact that my frame is still very weak and facing shit tests and comfort tests is still very demanding. A lot of work needs to be done and my progression is much slower than I would like it to be.	/r/askMRP	08/02/17 06:45 AM
1	Wife says "we need to talk". I'd like to thank the two of you for this discussion. I have been facing a similar situation, taking control of our finances and my wife's excessive spending. Things have progressed relatively well until now: she managed to incur a new major expense without discussing with me first and then tried gaslighting and manipulating to make me realize it was justified and needs to be covered by me. When I refused, her solution was for us to borrow money from her parents. I was already considering all ki…	/r/askMRP	08/02/17 06:43 AM
4	Financial/Career issue Well, you don't have kids, so that makes things a whole lot simpler. Ignore her. Start REALLY working on yourself and on your goals. Make progress. If she follows, fine. If she doesn't, maybe consider someone else. I know, it is easy to say all this when it is someone else's life, but concentrating on her is never going to make either of you happy.	/r/askMRP	02/02/17 08:42 AM
1	Own Your Shit Weekly - January 24, 2017 Good for you, man. In the beginning, it feels like there's a mountain to climb. So many things to do and areas of life to pay attention to. Concentrate on the most important things first. In your case, it is lifting and diet. You will figure out the other important things, if you keep reading the sidebar. Have fun!	/r/MarriedRedPill	26/01/17 08:19 PM
2	Half my life wasted. It's a software for budgeting, tracking expenses and setting financial goals. And it is based on a certain philosophy or principles. I have struggled with my finances myself and found it helpful. To me, it's not unlike the program I follow when lifting, only in this case it's about finances. It may not be for everyone, but Google it if you're interested.	/r/askMRP	22/01/17 07:11 PM
5	Half my life wasted. Two comments: 1) Finances: Try YNAB. I've found it very useful. 2) Work: Don't go Red Pill Rambo at work. You don't want to get in trouble with people who hold financial power over you. Be patient, work on yourself and make your move when the time is right and you know what you are doing.	/r/askMRP	22/01/17 06:19 PM
2	Initiating leads to wife feeling guilty OP, you should memorize what this guy says. Hell, I should memorize what this guy says. One comment: Third, stop giving a fuck and start being outcome independent. Really outcome independent. This is a tricky one. Getting sex and not getting sex are not exactly identical outcomes. What has helped me is to think that not getting sex might, in the short term, be a better outcome. I learn things about myself, I learn things about my wife, I learn patience etc. In terms of the first part (working on…	/r/askMRP	18/01/17 11:21 AM
1	Being Independent vs Being a Leader Yeah, you might be right. To me, charisma sounds as something quite abstract. But your explanation is pretty hands-on, i.e. useful. I have sometimes heard charisma defined as being the same as presence, which would come pretty close to what you say.	/r/MarriedRedPill	12/01/17 02:31 PM
1	Being Independent vs Being a Leader Read The Charisma Myth I probably won't. I thought you had an idea.	/r/MarriedRedPill	12/01/17 02:27 PM
1	Being Independent vs Being a Leader How would you define charisma in this context?	/r/MarriedRedPill	12/01/17 09:22 AM
2	The Evolution of a Low Sex Marriage Male on Reddit I just wanted to share my personal experience and the main point, that /u/BluePillProfessor should be required reading for any man about to get married. I have been going through the majority of the books in the sidebar. I also found the BluePillProfessor's book extremely helpful. It explains some of the key concepts used here regularly (e.g., A&A, AM) better than the other books. Also, the whole idea of the progression and also the warnings included were highly informative. I, too, wish that I …	/r/MarriedRedPill	11/01/17 10:56 AM
6	Need advice on LTR assaulting me She came storming after me and I mockingly said to her "oh no please don't hit me again" because I was being an asshole on purpose at this point using sarcasm to further enrage her. I had basically lost my frame at this point. I personally would concentrate on working on this. It is not possible to ask others to respect boundaries if you cannot set them for yourself. Start with STFUing.	/r/askMRP	03/01/17 07:48 AM
7	done with MGTOW? any advice to become a red pill man instead? Well there's pretty good stuff on the sidebar. Did you consider looking at them?	/r/askTRP	13/12/16 09:52 AM
1	Advice needed: Building a sense of self-worth See our discussion for example. If you notice I am valuable, if I notice you're willing to receive my support, we have a deal. I am not interested in helping hopeless people Yes, I see your point now. For me, a major part of MRP is trying to be less dependent on the validation of others, especially my wife. And, for example, posting to a forum such as this can also easily be about seeking validation, at least for me. While it is good to notice this, I think that I will ultimately need to get rid…	/r/askMRP	10/11/16 08:33 AM
1	Advice needed: Building a sense of self-worth People don't care about you, people care what do you bring to the table now. Why should I care what people care about in the first place?	/r/askMRP	10/11/16 07:27 AM
1	Advice needed: Building a sense of self-worth Lift. Lifting and looking better does so much to up your self esteem that it's as close to a magic bullet as there is. This. Journal. I haven't done this for a while. I will give it a go. Read the Road Less Traveled, by M. Scott Peck for sure. If sex is a heavy concern for you, maybe Intimacy & Desire by David Schnarch? Yeah, I read Schnarch some years ago and liked it a lot. It was some other book though. It might be worth looking at it with some MRP knowledge. Peck I'm not familiar with. Thank…	/r/askMRP	09/11/16 06:22 PM
0	Advice needed: Building a sense of self-worth Thank you for the tip on Brandon. I will check it out. WISNIFG was good but a lot to digest. I need to read it again.	/r/askMRP	09/11/16 06:17 PM
0	Advice needed: Building a sense of self-worth Don't identify as a man who had a shit mother. Yeah, I kind of realized after having written that paragraph that not letting go of all this is a bigger problem than I thought. My parents are humans as evereyone, but as parents they were pretty shitty. But I have never gotten anywhere mulling over that fact. All the good things in my life are the result of living my own life, the way I wanted, completely letting go of them. These two links cover my answer. I appreciate this. I will look into them…	/r/askMRP	09/11/16 06:13 PM
1	Advice needed: Building a sense of self-worth Make a sacrifice. Goals don't. Mean shit if there's no cost to achieve them. There's a lot of truth in this. Do you even wake up early to do something about them? I do wake up pretty early. Not for sex and money specifically, though! I'll try to find a way to include them in my routine. ;)	/r/askMRP	09/11/16 06:07 PM
0	Advice needed: Building a sense of self-worth Of course there is no entitlement. Rather, one must earn what he wants - whether it be financial success or sex. This is done through hard work. Do not expect it to be handed out freely. Entitlement is probably not a very good word here. No, I don't expect things to be handed out to me freely. And yes, things are obviously done through hard work. What I'm trying to describe here is that I know what I want and I know what it takes to get there but I'm not doing it because, for some strange fuckin…	/r/askMRP	09/11/16 03:04 PM
1	Advice needed: Building a sense of self-worth If you are bluePill habituated then you will, well, have blue pill habits. I'm in about 4 months now, and just starting to find myself having different instinctive reactions. I know fake it till you make it sounds horrible, I don't recommend that. Instead, do what you know is better intellectually, until your instinct catches up. Lifting and unlocking testoerone will help. You're right. A lot of this is probably about understanding things on an intellectual level yet needing time to really chang…	/r/askMRP	09/11/16 02:49 PM
2	Advice needed: Building a sense of self-worth It sounds like you need a hobby where you create something of value. I took up home improvement for now This is a good suggestion. Even just fixing things at home makes you feel good. What is your relationship like with the kids? Pretty good and improving. But there is certainly much room for improvement. I will work in this.	/r/askMRP	09/11/16 02:43 PM
1	Own Your Shit Weekly - September 13, 2016 I can honestly say I have never had the feeling of being manipulated with sex in any relationship ever. By this I mean I have never felt a quid quo pro; or that I did not get sex because of some decision I made. I got no sex because I was being unattractive or because of the way I handled and presented a decision. Ultimately, the last sentence here is the key. No frame = badly presented decision. I'm pretty sure that having integrity and SMV would mean that keeping to your decision and doing the…	/r/MarriedRedPill	14/09/16 06:41 AM
1	Own Your Shit Weekly - September 13, 2016 So I just very gradually and fairly quietly started tracking spending and put together my own system that helped me predict spending and figure out what we need to spend versus what we actually spend. I didn't forcefully take the wheel, I just started charting out a path that made a lot of sense in terms of economy, frugality, and investments. And she came on board gradually. This is what I need to do, too. I need to slowly start taking full control of the finances, simply for my own good and no…	/r/MarriedRedPill	14/09/16 06:33 AM
3	Own Your Shit Weekly - September 13, 2016 in some situations, it makes sense to stop initiating for a time. A man will learn that he is fine without the sexual validation from his wife. And in doing so, he will learn to live for himself. This is spot on. I don't think stopping initiating is a very good long-term solution, but even just for a while, it has been very eye-opening. I'm feel that I'm the poster boy of Nice Guy sex: desperately seeking validation and ending up being boring and unsatisfied. It's time to start changing that.	/r/MarriedRedPill	13/09/16 02:19 PM
2	Own Your Shit Weekly - September 13, 2016 Don't do this. I know you said you didn't this week because you're on an initiating hiatus but make sure you stop altogether this unless she's providing value to you also. I think it was reading NMMNG that made me realize that 1) I have done this just to get something out of it (validation + sex) and 2) it wasn't working very well. After understanding this it wasn't that hard to stop.	/r/MarriedRedPill	13/09/16 02:15 PM
1	Own Your Shit Weekly - September 13, 2016 You got your nut. If she wants more, she can work for it. Thanks! I needed to hear this. Is your wife a whore? I could be totally wrong, but I suspect this dynamic between finances and sex resides in your head and not hers. The real dynamic in her head is between your leadership, or lack thereof, and sex. You may be right. Maybe I'm over interpreting and fabricating this. My wife certainly isn't a whore, but she can be quite manipulative, withdrawing her affection (emotional and physical) when t…	/r/MarriedRedPill	13/09/16 02:13 PM
6	Own Your Shit Weekly - September 13, 2016 Fourth time posting here. Roughly 2 months into RP, 45, married (wife 40), 3 kids. 1) Lifting: I have managed to turn 15 years of non-exercise into a solid 5 days lifting, 2 days rest regime. Also, keeping track of my calories and macros (slightly low carb and high protein and fats). I think I was ready for this change. I just needed a good reason and MRP gave it. Some n00b gains are observable already: thinner face, better posture, slight reduction of wasteline and appearance of muscles. This i…	/r/MarriedRedPill	13/09/16 09:38 AM
1	Own Your Shit Weekly - September 06, 2016 You should feel shitty because your acting like the ultimate fucking faggot here. Have you never heard the phrase "bros over hos". Your son is your ultimate bro. If you can't control your anger around your kids, go outside and bang your head into a tree. Everyone will feel better. You're absolutely right. The previous weekend was among the low points of my life. Not necessarily because the things I did were exceptional but because I was more aware than ever that what I was doing was fucked-up. A…	/r/MarriedRedPill	12/09/16 07:06 AM
1	Own Your Shit Weekly - September 06, 2016 Keep internalizing the sidebar. Your anger as you unplug might get worse before it gets better, and that is an excellent time to use that rage to move some iron. Will do. Thanks.	/r/MarriedRedPill	08/09/16 03:42 AM
1	Own Your Shit Weekly - September 06, 2016 sitting on the sofa with her to watching tv and going to sleep like two 80 year olds. Unfortunately, I can very well relate to that. I read again what I wrote above: (working my ass off to provide for the family and then using almost all the free time to cater for their needs). Well, it wasn't working very well. I wasn't happy and, to my disbelief, my wife wasn't happy, either. I have tried so hard to please my wife and she was never ultimately pleased. I actually shouldn't and can't blame my wi…	/r/MarriedRedPill	07/09/16 01:29 PM
1	Own Your Shit Weekly - September 06, 2016 Thank you for taking your time to comment. At some point you are going to need to lift heavy for the SMV and mental discipline effects that it has. I'm aware of this. Somehow it feels that this whole thing is a kind of a balancing act between pacing myself in order to prevent injuries (physical and mental) and pushing myself in order to grow (physically and mentally). But I do understand that I also need to do the latter, to do things that are uncomfortable initially. I'm quite self-conscious an…	/r/MarriedRedPill	07/09/16 07:28 AM
2	Own Your Shit Weekly - September 06, 2016 Less than 2 months into RP, 45, married (wife 40), 3 kids. 1) Lifting: Keeping with my regime of 5 days lifting, 2 days rest. Lifting at home, bodyweight exercise + dumbbell training for upper body. Actually struggled to do the rest days, since I really felt like working out, but decided to stick to them in order to be disciplined. Checked out various gym options but I'm not going to rush into getting a membership. Home is just fine at the moment. My weights are still ridiculous. I experimented …	/r/MarriedRedPill	06/09/16 10:45 AM
2	Own Your Shit Weekly - August 30, 2016 I feel that the metaphor of an oak is pretty good also in relation to your own children.	/r/MarriedRedPill	01/09/16 02:49 PM
1	Own Your Shit Weekly - August 30, 2016 this can be part of your fuel in the iron temple. Indeed.	/r/MarriedRedPill	01/09/16 02:47 PM
2	Own Your Shit Weekly - August 30, 2016 You're absolutely right. And I didn't do a very good job at that this time. My son did something a little bit stupid. When I calmed down, I managed to "correct" him in a relatively constructive way. However, I did not own my own shitty reaction at all. I want to be much more aware of this in the future.	/r/MarriedRedPill	01/09/16 01:56 PM
2	Own Your Shit Weekly - August 30, 2016 Thank you for the links. It is kind of obvious by now that anger is a dysfunctional and fucked-up way of protecting the boundaries. But since I lack frame and physical authority, this is what I have been doing. I noticed already a long time ago that when two dogs meet, it is the smallest dog that barks the most. In a way, that's me. But STFU is starting to work. I think I have reacted less angrily recently, concentrating on observing. I'm quite willing to drop the anger but I also need new means…	/r/MarriedRedPill	01/09/16 08:55 AM
1	Own Your Shit Weekly - August 30, 2016 Thanks for the tip. ;) I added him and even the Evernote preview seems to prefer him.	/r/MarriedRedPill	01/09/16 06:56 AM
2	Own Your Shit Weekly - August 30, 2016 I am always looking forward to my training; and in this way it always happens. When I go to sleep at night and/or wake in the morning, my thought are how/when am I going to train today. This sounds great. I already see some glimpses of this, really looking forward to lifting and would like to do it every day. This is phase 1 of STFU, where your inner dialogue is still shit (i.e. in her frame). Yeah, this is a pretty uncomfortable observation. For me; commenting reinforces my own mission. Sometim…	/r/MarriedRedPill	31/08/16 07:39 AM
1	Own Your Shit Weekly - August 30, 2016 Do you have a way to get to a gym before work? I balance work, school, time with wife and being social by being at the gym by 6 am. See if that's an option. This could be it. Very close to my home there is a good gym, which opens at 5. The only slight downside is that it is super expensive with a one-year membership minimum. This might just be the right investment, though. There's another gym very close to where I work and the membership is subsidized by my employer, making it actually very chea…	/r/MarriedRedPill	31/08/16 07:26 AM
1	Own Your Shit Weekly - August 30, 2016 About the accuracy of the calorie app: the absolute accuracy doesn't actually matter that much. As long as you adjust your intake against your progress and up the intake if you're not gaining. Your absolutely right. And I can already see some benefits. It's funny how effective numbers are in convincing you that the trip to McDonald's or those eight drinks were not a good idea nutrition wise. I knew it already and the numbers might actually be skewed, but they still have an impact. Somebody's bee…	/r/MarriedRedPill	31/08/16 06:34 AM
5	Own Your Shit Weekly - August 30, 2016 This is my second time posting in this thread. The first time was even more beneficial than I thought it would be. I viewed this mainly as holding myself accountable, but I was surprised by the number of encouraging and challenging comments I got. Anyway, back to business: 1) Lifting: I have been keeping to my 5 days lifting, 2 days rest schedule. It was actually a bit challenging this week since I had a lot of social events in the evenings. But I did it, lifting also in the morning one day. On …	/r/MarriedRedPill	30/08/16 11:34 AM
1	Own Your Shit Weekly - August 23, 2016 OK, this sounds pretty good! A measurable and simple goal.	/r/MarriedRedPill	27/08/16 12:21 PM
1	Own Your Shit Weekly - August 23, 2016 I rolled my ankle last year as well, the fucker never really does get back to 100% does it? Stability exercises for it strengthen the surrounding muscles, and help you mitigate the injury, so definitely see a physio if you can. Until then, simple stuff like standing on one leg helps 20 seconds 10 times in between sets. I got extensive physio after the injury several years ago. I also had the ankle rechecked later on because I still had pain when running, for example. Well, on paper the ankle loo…	/r/MarriedRedPill	26/08/16 08:40 AM
1	Own Your Shit Weekly - August 23, 2016 Don't get too hung up on this "being old and out of shape" shit. You're right, I need to stop doing this. I'm putting myself down and also belittling my potential. About a month ago, I went to a spa with my family. They had wall-to-wall mirrors there, and I can say I was not happy with what I saw. But I made a resolution then and there to come back in a year as a physically changed man. It is still a bit difficult to make this goal more concrete, but I know it will happen. In the beginning, body…	/r/MarriedRedPill	26/08/16 07:29 AM
1	Own Your Shit Weekly - August 23, 2016 Start with the Stronglifts 5x5 program. Thanks for the tip. I already checked this out some time ago and even downloaded the app, which is almost like training, right? ;) But it's good to hear someone recommend it. It does look very straightforward. I'm a bit uneasy about squatting because of my back and ankle problems, but I guess I just have to start slow. As far as sidebar, I found NMMNG and WISNIFG way more useful than MMSLP. Especially for overcoming validation seeking (NMMNG) and shit test…	/r/MarriedRedPill	25/08/16 07:47 AM
1	Own Your Shit Weekly - August 23, 2016 I have now moved to doing it just because it needs to be done; and I want it done my way. I have taken small step in this direction, fixing things and instead of doing things (I think) I'm expected to do, doing things I want to do. But like I said, these issues are very deep in the dynamics of our marrige and my need for validation is even deeper.	/r/MarriedRedPill	24/08/16 07:00 PM
1	Own Your Shit Weekly - August 23, 2016 Only you know, but if there is some valid reason your wife is constantly checking on your progress (i.e. history not owning your shit around the house) I need to think about this. Out right, I would say this is more related to her being very impatient and somewhat controlling. But since this thread is about “Owning Your Shit” and not about “Blaming Your Wife”, I need to take a look at my approach to doing chores and being active rather than reactive at home. This is a major issue in our relation…	/r/MarriedRedPill	24/08/16 07:39 AM
1	Own Your Shit Weekly - August 23, 2016 Thanks. Will do. I will get back to the topic of anger next week.	/r/MarriedRedPill	24/08/16 07:27 AM
1	Own Your Shit Weekly - August 23, 2016 STFU allows you to start seeing the outlines of the battleground you've just realized you were always standing on. This is well said. Luckily, I'm at a stage where there is a certain calmness in the battleground. Maybe it is me, who has calmed a bit. I will keep doing this. Thank you.	/r/MarriedRedPill	24/08/16 07:13 AM
1	Own Your Shit Weekly - August 23, 2016 Thank you for your input. As far as dumbbells being better than lifting iron, they would need to be some heavy dumbbells. I just upgraded my dumbbells, so they are pretty decent (for my current condition, which isn't much). I will almost certainly start going to a gym once I figure out what I really need and which option is the best for me. I have a history of back problems and a broken ankle that never got 100% ok. Coupled with my current bad shape, I feel I need to start light. You need to wat…	/r/MarriedRedPill	24/08/16 07:01 AM
2	Own Your Shit Weekly - August 23, 2016 This is my first post on this sub. I'm 45, married with 3 kids, one of them quite small. I have been lurking here for a little over a month. Read MMSLP and MAP. Or most of them. Kind of skipped the sexy tricks parts on both of them. I don't feel like learning tricks at the moment but changing myself on a more fundamental way. Reading now NMMNG. My life is not in a crisis at the moment, more like Scenario 1 in the Guide for Beginners. Anyway, I thought posting here would help me to be the man I'm…	/r/MarriedRedPill	23/08/16 02:34 PM