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ackley1900 Archive

View 2 posts and 183 comments by ackley1900 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
14

ackley1900/r/askMRP10/09/21 03:05 PM
13

ackley1900/r/askMRP13/12/21 05:08 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

I very much wonder how different things would be for you if that would’ve been your sole focus for the last 4 years. I wouldn't be here. I messed up, I paid, and I'm back doing it.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/07/25 03:32 PM
0

Did you send this email from work? What the fuck. No, but that was a good quip. Eyes better than mine have corrected me in the past, and this is no exception.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/07/25 03:12 PM
1

That seems right - they have no agency in defining you, even if she told "YOU don't pay attention". I'll say it again: when I say "there really is no pull to fight against" I don't mean "there is something, but you should ignore it"; I mean, if you feel it, you are making it up. At least, that's what has helped me.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/07/25 01:44 PM
0

Hey, thanks. I appreciate your feedback. I see no criticism - even if there were any. Yes, I admit I have been slow. The first 28 happened quite some time ago while people kept telling me I was just angry and I was too angry to see it. I keep counting as a reminder of where I was, and that I can go back there if I don't pay enough attention. The way I see it, the paragraphs are not dedicated to my wife, but to my learning as prompted by - this week - her anxiety. If they are, I'll be banned, and…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/07/25 01:28 PM
1

do not get drawn into the emotions of others You wrote this a couple of times, as if others have some sort of actual, physical control over your emotions, and it is your objective to resist and push back against that pull. There is a good chance I'm projecting my situation onto you. Still, this seems very similar to what I have experienced in the recent past. Let me give you two cents. It's great if they help, discard otherwise. It almost seems like you believe that 1) your interpretation of wor…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/07/25 12:27 PM
5

OYS 33 (OYS history) 5'9'', late forties, married 15y, 2kids. 153lb, 12% bf (on 7/22); SL 5x5: SQ180, BP135, BR115, OHP85, DL190. Bicep curls 80 5x5, 110 ab crunch. Exercise I trained twice this week. Week 1 of my travels has started. I promised myself to run more and use the travel to see if I was able to bring myself back into a public gym. I found it, and got an appointment with a personal trainer. It was almost a win, but I injured my back again and have been barely able to walk. Will try ag…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/07/25 09:08 AM
2

I started meditating, which I’ve done on and off throughout the years. It’s good for me, but I have always failed to stick with it. I’m not good at sticking with things, The way you write it, it seems another "thing" you have to do to grow. Are you aware of what you intend to achieve with it? In my case, meditation helped a lot to recognize thoughts in my head and distinguish them from myself. For 3-5 minutes, the exercise was to concentrate on the part of the breathing that I physically perceiv…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/07/25 11:59 PM
1

OYS 32 (OYS history) 5'9'', late forties, married 15y, 2kids. 151lb, 12% bf; SL 5x5: SQ175, BP130, BR115, OHP85, DL190. Bicep curls 80 5x5, 110 ab crunch. Exercise I have lifted three times this week, as planned. The body fat measurement is pretty erratic short term, and all that matters to me for now is that lifts are going slowly up and I don't notice more fat in the mirror. I will be on the road for the next month in different cities which will make it less practical to lift. I will resume ru…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/07/25 02:13 PM
1

Should have noticed
/r/MarriedRedPill17/07/25 03:41 PM
1

OYS 31 (OYS history) 5'9'', late forties, married 15y, 2kids. 150lb (+4lb in the last month), 11.5% bf (+0.5% in the last month). SL 5x5: SQ170, BP130, BR100, OHP85, DL185. Bicep curls 80 5x5, 100 ab crunch. Training and work I lifted three times this week. Yesterday, kids woke up during the night often. To preserve my sleep, I didn't wake up as early as planned, lifted later in the morning and postponed the start of the work. This snowballed into a familiar procrastination cycle that cost me th…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/07/25 11:30 AM
2

Yes, it is easy once you notice. In my case, the temper threshold was really low, and my instinctive reaction was way too fast for me to make that distinction. If it's useful for someone else reading, meditation - as a practice to intentionally become aware of your thoughts without judging them - gave me the first boost out of this spiral. With enough practice (surprisingly little, in fact), the skill started to spill outside those five minutes of meditation and percolate in the rest of my daily…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/07/25 12:11 AM
1

thanks.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/07/25 06:39 PM
1

The Game Neil Strauss?
/r/MarriedRedPill10/07/25 02:32 PM
1

Hey thanks. Not sure what you mean with the 2 weeks; but that’s precisely what I’m doing. Meditation is helping me a lot in developing the skill of recognizing this early. Appreciate the time and feedback.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/07/25 02:21 AM
1

Getting better at it!
/r/MarriedRedPill09/07/25 02:05 AM
1

If it needed writing, I didn't get it. great if you explain.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/07/25 02:04 AM
1

Relationship My appearance has begun to change. Last year I got the angry and concerned "you're getting too thin"; now I'm starting to get the "I don't like if you are getting too bulky". I like these comments and take them in good spirit. It's funny how she can only acknowledge I'm changing by saying she doesn't want me to change. I know others have reported similar stories. I hug her, smile, and say "don't worry". But I am really curious to see how I will look when I will be 155 pounds, and th…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/07/25 01:23 PM
2

OYS 30 (OYS history) 5'9'', late forties, married 15y, 2kids. 146lb, 11% bf. SL 5x5: SQ160, BP125, BR100, OHP80, DL175. Bicep curls 80 5x5, 100 ab crunch. Training I lifted three times this week. In the past couple of months I lifted a little less than once every two days. I walk into the gym in good mood most of the times and I like lifting now: I think I am motivated by testing if I can add those five pound plates today or not yet, and I like feeling the effort while I push. I'd like to train …
/r/MarriedRedPill08/07/25 01:23 PM
1

Thanks. A long list of things that went wrong, what I learned, and what I did. Will be more practical next time.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/07/25 02:49 AM
1

Yes, I was sick with it these years and I agree. I think I mostly shed it - I accepted the reality of things. But if you spot it in what I wrote, it won't be the first time that others see things I don't, so fire away.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/07/25 02:47 AM
3

Why was it ego? How do I know it was my ego? I may have been treated unfairly. I may have been around impulsive people. I may have worked hard and got nothing in return. I may have abilities that I am rightly trying to express, as anyone should, and crashed against time constraints, fewer resources, distracted coworkers. Whenever expectations are unmet, fight-or-flight starts to kick in. It's natural, and it's fine; it's actually great, we are wired this way, and we are alive. In response, howev…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/07/25 02:00 PM
2

Regrets want to take over With more clarity of mind, regrets for my unforgivable waste of life often came strong for my focus and emotions. I realized they were flooding my days and could not let them hijack the life ahead, so I have learned to box them at a particular time of the week. I write them on a piece of paper to give them space to exist and tell myself they are not forgotten; then, on Fridays afternoon, I consider them again shortly, I write the lesson I see, and tear everything apart,…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/07/25 01:59 PM
2

OYS29. 5'9'', late forties, married 15y, two kids This is my OYS history . In my last discussion, I learned that I needed to address two issues. First, realize that I was drowning in my own anger, and that nothing else would progress without starting addressing it; second, take the gym and my physical development seriously with regular, compound-motion programs. I felt I could no longer waste the time and advice of people here, and promised myself to post again after starting progress on those t…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/07/25 01:58 PM
1

Thank you Ragnar.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/03/22 05:38 PM
1

Ragnar, I'm interjecting here because this is a great comment that speaks to me as well. I guess what I (and perhaps Optimus Prime) are struggling is: even if you are fine with your wife sending you harpy-like texts when a lot of people around you just died, or she's laying on the floor and accusing the kids of spying on them, the wife doesn't seem to be fine with you being fine. So, are you saying that really they are doing that because in our hearts of hearts, we really are still pretending, a…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/03/22 01:59 PM
2

Hey Ragnar, thank you. I believe you saw it immediately, and it's taking me more time. With all that happened, and my mom sort of slipping into depression, I've lost track of myself and of how to behave. The discussion has been so consuming that in the days after I posted I had very serious doubts about my decision, and my ability to generate more income. It is interesting because really nothing changed with my prospects. You said it well, I have let her lack of confidence sway MY confidence in …
/r/MarriedRedPill17/03/22 03:26 PM
2

OYS 29 (History) 156lb, ~13% BF. Married, together 20years, two kids under 10. After my post in December, I realized I was spinning. Steel suggested a month of break, and that was the plan. Everything happened in the meantime. Lifts The work I had done with machines wasn't really work. I had decided to buy the equipment needed to do compound movements (bench, squat rack, barbell + weights). I got covid the day after the last piece arrived in December and was confined. It wasn't bad, and I did so…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/03/22 05:46 PM
1

OYS 28. (past OYS) Married for 11 years, together 20; both early to mid forties, two kids under 10. Stats: 5'9'' x 160lb;14% body fat (scale). Lifts: I don't know yet. Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, TRM, Pook, Poon, TWOTSM, As a Man Thinketh, Can't hurt me, 123 Magic, Never split the difference. Reading: Rich dad poor dad, MMSLP. What I've thought. I have been angry in the past weeks. I did not understand why, despite my alleged improvements, I would still get anxious behavior and mind-bending shit tests…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/12/21 03:56 PM
2

Thanks again Dunlop. I appreciate it.
/r/askMRP14/12/21 02:12 AM
1

Ackley is not attractive. Although her wife asks at times if he has other options, he doesn't.
/r/askMRP14/12/21 02:02 AM
2

I had saved that comment because I didn't understand it. Now I get it a little more.
/r/askMRP13/12/21 09:29 PM
1

I know, I know you don't. It should have been much worse.
/r/askMRP13/12/21 09:16 PM
1

You know Steel, u/HornsOfApathy, I fucking love you guys. And I hate you. That's right Horns. I don't like me. I'm at work, alone, but I can't cry. You guys have shown me the ugly abyss I have in myself, that I don't really want to look at. So, here's the truth. I don't take good care of my looks. I don't lift. I am out of shape. I'm just fluffy and disgusting. u/SBIII was still loving in his comment. I let myself slip so much in these years. I procrastinate. I'm angry that I could have been so …
/r/askMRP13/12/21 09:07 PM
1

got it the second time. Thanks.
/r/askMRP13/12/21 08:26 PM
1

Hey Oobertas I'm sorry perhaps I typed too fast. I am saying that this can't be the solution because I have done it several times and it's not working. It just generates more anger and accusations from her. If that is indeed the solution, I'm not doing it right.
/r/askMRP13/12/21 08:16 PM
1

Highest ratio of good advice per word. You are right, that shouldn't be hard. I won't get it until I act.
/r/askMRP13/12/21 08:07 PM
3

Heh. Pretty straightforward indeed.
/r/askMRP13/12/21 08:03 PM
1

Poor choice of words. I guess I was trying to say that I'm behaving in a way that is compounding her anxiety and whatever; so while I can control bad behavior of the kids when it happens, I'm not protecting them from indirect consequences of my ineptitude on the other. While I am thinking about this answer, I'm thinking "yes, I'm no longer scared by her emotions; but I am very much pissed off by them". So much for my alleged progress. That's a good thing to realize. Thank you.
/r/askMRP13/12/21 08:00 PM
1

You are right - a waste compounding a waste. Things spiral out of control, and work doesn't stop just because I'm a sore loser. I better slip out of that behavior soon as red-sfpplus says.
/r/askMRP13/12/21 07:54 PM
2

Thanks Horns. I'm not withdrawing sex to generate dread if that's what you mean - though I see that it might have this effect. I just don't want to do it. I no longer know if I like my wife. I'm reading and re-reading and reflecting on those posts about anger but I'm clearly making no progress. Yes, Dunlop gave me good advice - on the OYS and more in private. It looks like I'm not even accepting the feeling of being angry, because doing that would also mean that I've got to accept responsibility…
/r/askMRP13/12/21 07:51 PM
0

Tyred, I see what you are saying here but I don't know how to apply it now. She's been scolding the kids for two weeks - in the last spell. They are picking up on that tone so much that they use it between themselves and back to us. The moment she was out of the house, they were kids again. I might not give a fuck about how she talks to me about me, but she's being a loose cannon with them as well - to the point she's shit-testing them when they are more affectionate with me than with her. It lo…
/r/askMRP13/12/21 07:42 PM
4

OYS 27. (past OYS) Married for 11 years, together 20; both early to mid forties, two kids under 10. Stats: 5'9'' x 163lb;14.3% body fat (scale); training six days; splitting these exercises twice per week: lat pulldown 140lb, 10repsx4; chest press 140lb, 10x4; barbell bicep curls 70lb, 7x4; chin up, 5x4; dumbbell lateral raise and overhead press 12, 10x4; leg extensions 160, 4x10; leg curls 50, 4x10. Run 90 mins, 10 miles total; six days per week: ab curls with weights 25 x 4. Read: NMMNG, WISNI…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/11/21 11:17 AM
2

I'm following 123magic. Kid asks you something you don't think they should do/have; you say no once, and provide ONE explanation. If they keep whining, you say "that's one"; five second more, "that's two", and at three they go to their room for, say, 5 mins. Before you start this new system, you sit them down, explain the new rules, and role-play the whole thing with them. I know it seems silly but you should give it a try. Before you attempt anything, I'd suggest you listen/read the whole first…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/11/21 05:01 PM
1

Hey Dunlop, thanks. Perhaps some of the loss is water as well. I'm running because I like it, and I'm pushing the limit because I don't like it. On compound lifts, I agree it would be better if I could do them. I see that SL is working very well for you. I am working with what I have at home. An actual gym is not a good option for now.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/11/21 01:52 PM
3

OYS 26. (past OYS) Married for 11 years, together 20; both early to mid forties, two kids under 10. Stats: 5'9'' x 162lb;14.3% body fat (scale); training six days; splitting these exercises twice per week: lat pulldown 140lb, 10repsx4; chest press 140lb, 10x4; barbell bicep curls 70lb, 7x4; chin up, 5x4; dumbbell lateral raise and overhead press 12, 10x4; leg extensions 160, 4x10; leg curls 50, 4x10. Run 30 mins, 3 miles; six days per week: ab curls with weights 25 x 4. Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, TRM…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/11/21 02:35 PM
1

I don't see it as an introduction. I thought it was useful for people to give advice reading how old people are, rather than asking every time. If you see a blind spot though, go ahead. I'm here to learn.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/11/21 04:28 PM
1

OYS 25. (past OYS) Married for 11 years, together 20; both early to mid forties, two kids under 10. Stats: 5'9'' x 165lb;14.8% body fat (scale); training six days; splitting these exercises twice per week: lat pulldown 140lb, 10repsx4; chest press 140lb, 10x4; barbell bicep curls 70lb, 7x4; chin up, 5x4; dumbbell lateral raise and overhead press 12, 10x4; leg extensions 160, 4x10; leg curls 50, 4x10. Run 55 mins, 5.5 miles; six days per week: ab curls with weights 25 x 4. Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, T…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/11/21 04:29 AM
1

OYS 24. (past OYS) Married for 11 years, together 20; both early to mid forties, two kids under 10. Stats: 5'9'' x 165lb;15.6% body fat (scale); training six days; splitting these exercises twice per week: lat pulldown 140lb, 10repsx4; chest press 140lb, 10x4; barbell bicep curls 70lb, 7x4; chin up, 5x4; dumbbell lateral raise and overhead press 12, 10x4; leg extensions 160, 4x10; leg curls 50, 4x10. Run 40 mins, 3.8 miles; six days per week: ab curls with weights 25 x 4. Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, T…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/11/21 12:51 PM
1

Hey, I think you're still living too much in your head. Find one thing you can do it - just one - do it, and see how you feel.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/11/21 03:42 AM
3

OYS 23. (past OYS) Married for 11 years, together 20; both early to mid forties, two kids under 10. Stats: 5'9'' x 165lb;15.6% body fat (scale); training six days; splitting these exercises twice per week: lat pulldown 140lb, 10repsx4; chest press 140lb, 10x4; barbell bicep curls 70lb, 7x4; chin up, 5x4; dumbbell lateral raise and overhead press 12, 10x4; leg extensions 160, 4x10; leg curls 50, 4x10. Run 40 mins, 3.8 miles; six days per week: ab curls with weights 25 x 4. Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, T…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/11/21 03:05 AM
1

Thanks. I like to learn from other people's lives. Not my idea, but becoming so. H/T goes to Horns for this.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/10/21 02:38 AM
1

It works for me too. I used to fight it with coffee and felt guilty, but it's a losing battle. Better to have a schedule that doesn't induce those naps, or take them when needed and be more productive after.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/10/21 02:33 AM
1

You're not your own tyrant. I sometimes forget this and fail - good reminder. I did take rests. Thanks.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/10/21 10:39 AM
1

OYS 22. (past OYS) Married for 11 years, together 20; both early to mid forties, two kids under 10. Stats: 5'9'' x 165lb;15.6% body fat (scale); training six days; splitting these exercises twice per week: lat pulldown 140lb, 10repsx4; chest press 140lb, 10x4; barbell bicep curls 70lb, 7x4; chin up, 5x4; dumbbell lateral raise and overhead press 12, 10x4; leg extensions 160, 4x10; leg curls 50, 4x10. Run 55 mins, 5 miles; six days per week: ab curls with weights 25 x 4. Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, TRM…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/10/21 10:14 AM
1

Thanks. If you like that book, you are probably somebody who spends a lot of time on introspection. I love it, and am like that. Still, the only progress you make (and perhaps I’m projecting here) is if you actually DO things, not if you stop at congratulating yourself for the next thing you have understood. There is a difference between enduring pain to grow through challenge, and enduring pain because of inaction. If you don’t like your job, make a decision about changing it or not - and then …
/r/MarriedRedPill21/10/21 05:50 PM
2

Thanks. Finding excuses for not going is very easy; I’m associating bad feelings to them now. Got it on SL.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/10/21 05:41 PM
2

I'm honestly curious, what is this story. Nothing special, just some (literally) autistic behavior. I’ve been so much worse. I see what you are saying about not going begrudgingly to the gym. I never went through that stage. It was “this is so egoistic” and then excuses, and now is doing it because I don’t like it. As I said above - and you did too - until I like it. hunting: I have a few friends that do it and I thought about tagging along with the group When the time comes.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/10/21 03:18 PM
2

Don’t do anything you don’t like. Ever. The complete sentence I have in mind is "Doing things that I don't like, or that I am afraid of, which I know are good for me." This is not about satisfying some strange taste for the horrid, or self-punishment; it's about getting to really know what I can and cannot do. This attitude let me recognize and start to break through the (fully self-imposed) yoke that my wife's mind steers - or used to; it is also what finally allowed me to finally jump in a poo…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/10/21 02:23 PM
1

Thanks. I have read a summary version of that book and many suggestions made sense. I want to rely on an internal motivation that is about me pushing my limits. Perhaps I can find a way to make this square with those suggestions.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/10/21 02:04 PM
1

I do - thanks.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/10/21 01:02 AM
1

Thanks. If time constraints are an issue, would you suggest alternating these exercises within a week (say, one day pull downs, one day reverse flyes)? Or do them in separate weeks?
/r/MarriedRedPill19/10/21 06:03 PM
2

Would you reconsider if she gives up her lifestyle?
/r/MarriedRedPill19/10/21 01:42 PM
5

OYS 21. (past OYS) Married for 11 years, together 20; both early to mid forties, two kids under 10. Stats: 5'9'' x 166lb;15.6% body fat (scale); training six days; splitting these exercises twice per week: lat pulldown 140lb, 10repsx4; chest press 140lb, 10x4; barbell bicep curls 70lb, 6x4; chin up, 5x4; dumbbell lateral raise and overhead press 12, 10x4; leg extensions 160, 4x10; leg curls 50, 4x10. Run 20 mins, 1.6 miles; six days per week: ab curls with weights 25 x 4. Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, T…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/10/21 10:01 AM
3

restarted this morning already. I've seen that this fits into the bigger chapter of doing things that I don't like. I'll talk about it in the next OYS. Thank you again.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/10/21 07:10 PM
1

That was a lot of words for saying that you don't prioritize lifting. This is exactly right. You and u/Dunlop60 and u/redpillruminations are exactly right. I need to fucking nail it in my head. Regardless of how busy I think I am. I need to shove it down my throat. I'm tired of my weak self more than I am of the gym.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/10/21 11:38 PM
1

I don't know that it's chaotic. Some things are one-off. I am frontloading some work that will buy me two to three freer weeks every year for the next five years or so. I am also catching up on all the work I didn't do during pandemic because I didn't establish with my wife that our jobs had equal dignity, although mine had more flexibility. I talked about that in some of my early OYS, but it's only recently that I've started to do something about that, and am recovering that work. Some things a…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/10/21 06:52 PM
1

OYS 20. (past OYS) Married for 11 years, together 20; both early to mid forties, two kids under 10. Stats: 5'9'' x 164lb;15.3% body fat (scale); twice per week: lat pulldown 140lb, 10repsx4; chest press 140lb, 10x4; barbell bicep curls 70lb, 6x4; chin up, 5x4; dumbbell lateral raise and overhead press 12, 10x4; leg extensions 160, 4x10; leg curls 50, 4x10; six days per week: ab curls with weights 25 x 4. Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, TRM, Pook, Poon, TWOTSM, As a Man Thinketh. Paused: MMSLP. Reading: Ca…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/10/21 10:16 AM
2

I’m not sure where you see covert contracts in pushing your wife. My sense is that you finally had a reaction to an abusive behavior and that was the only - perhaps more primal - way in which you knew how to express your position. I never got that behavior so I don’t know. What made me progress through aggressive behavior was to look at her and think that she’s just my wife. Really just my wife. There’s exactly zero reasons I should be afraid of her - which implied, there’s zero need to have an …
/r/MarriedRedPill07/10/21 01:28 PM
4

But in a plot twist, you still have the right to change your mind.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/10/21 01:14 PM
1

And that’s how I’m approaching this; it would be a great addition to my life - and to hers - if she behaved differently, but there are other things I’m focused on. I’m very explicitly telling her this.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/10/21 06:39 PM
1

to tell you the truth, I don’t know how to think about this behavior yet. Blarg says is her way to exercise her agency of not buying into my vision. Which is fine by me, she can choose whatever she wants - but she cannot also pick the consequences of her behavior. by the way, this comment of yours helped me a lot here - so thanks.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/10/21 06:18 PM
1

I see it now, thanks.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/10/21 04:07 PM
1

Ok I’m a bit lost on this: And when you act in accordance with your genuinely caring about her, you step out of your 'you', AWAY from her to do it! Could you use different word?
/r/MarriedRedPill05/10/21 03:53 PM
1

Blarg, good to hear from you. I engage, as in, I act in accordance to my genuinely caring about her. Her response is, essentially, “you don’t care.“ There are two differences with the past. I am writing them out perhaps as a way to clarify my thinking to me as well. First, I always cared about her; but before, I would act with the purpose of showing it to her; now, because I want. Second, I would engage in extenuating discussions to rationally prove that I care; I feel now that doing that is not…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/10/21 02:59 PM
1

Thanks. I will keep this perspective in mind. Sometimes it looks like I’m making things worse. It is right when I talk to her that she accuses of having to beg for attention.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/10/21 10:23 AM
1

OYS 19. (past OYS) Married for 11 years, together 20; both early to mid forties, two kids under 10. Stats: 5'9'' x 164lb;15.3% body fat (scale); twice per week: lat pulldown 140lb, 10repsx4; chest press 140lb, 10x4; barbell bicep curls 70lb, 6x4; chin up, 5x4; dumbbell lateral raise and overhead press 12, 10x4; leg extensions 160, 4x10; leg curls 50, 4x10; six days per week: ab curls with weights 25 x 4. Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, TRM, Pook, Poon, TWOTSM, As a Man Thinketh. Paused: MMSLP. Reading: Ca…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/10/21 09:36 AM
1

Thank you.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/10/21 10:31 PM
1

Thanks again, this is reasonable.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/10/21 11:02 PM
1

Yes, this is sensible advice. I am staying ahead of other deadlines, which is why I cannot make that time investment now. You are doing Wendler, right? does that work well to build mass? At the beginning, I saw that from you I think and was doing something similar to compress time. I got advice to increase volume in each set - plus sleeping more, which is an extra reason time is scarce. thank you.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/10/21 11:01 PM
1

I am working out of a home gym and am using some equipment I inherited. I said I would look into DL, SQ, BP equipment more than a month ago and I didn't do it yet. Time is the strictest constraint. Both to get informed and plan, and to execute. I used to do all of these exercises with few repetitions three/four times a week, in about 45mins per session. People here suggested to increase time and repetitions but give time to recover. This lead me to what I described above. I want a nice shaped ba…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/10/21 02:40 AM
1

Jerry I’m the last retard here and still dealing with excessive overreactions myself. So discount everything I write. Those overreactions are there even when you think they are long gone. I think we can all see the giant balls it took to say yes to that offer without telling your wife, after you’ve been sumissive for so long. But don‘t expect your wife to say, hey what a giant pair of balls I’ve got in the house. She will more likely just go ballistic. it makes sense to think carefully about how…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/09/21 02:14 PM
2

Hey thanks again. I’ve read your comment several times and thought about it. I wanted to follow up to say how this helped. What’s really clear is that I am withdrawing emotions and see attempts at connections as shit tests. Tyred said this too, but I guess at this stage it takes a lot of reading reps to see. I handled well irrelevant shit yesterday but I sent her again in a tailspin this morning. “Do you have a girlfriend at work?”, smiling; “How did you know?” with surprised/amused look. She la…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/09/21 01:57 PM
2

Jerry don’t misunderstand. You came here to become better, not dangerous - I don’t know that you can just put this in front of her. This is not leadership. She will follow only after you are a leader; it sound like you think that telling her to follow makes you a leader. u/alphalfaSprout gave sound advice. Don’t fog him.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/09/21 04:03 PM
1

Ok this seems plenty to think about. I'll digest. Thanks.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/09/21 10:59 PM
6

It will be a big change indeed. You have been subjugated for so long, and now you are suddenly telling her we’re changing city. You’ll get a massive shit storm for this I think. You can’t be afraid of her or she’ll make you change your mind.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/09/21 02:58 PM
2

Yes it’s confusing. I work out six days per week. Every day I do two of those things, plus abs, so I do the the same exercise twice per week, three-days distance. I did this to increase reps and allow recover.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/09/21 02:50 PM
1

Thanks.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/09/21 02:47 PM
1

So, I don't have the worry about rewarding bad behavior. Could you explain more? I’m dealing with similar things and I may be doing it wrong.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/09/21 02:27 PM
1

Hey thanks. I do see what you are saying. I think I started to walk away when she began going astray – it happened a couple of times at least. This would bring her back on point. But it was me who engaged. perhaps that’s a clumsy attempt at setting boundaries, but that behavior isn’t working for me, and I’ve tried to make it clear. These comments by u/Tyred_Biggums made me realize I was scared of doing it, so now I’m doing it. Tagging because perhaps he has some thoughts. just so I understand, t…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/09/21 02:14 PM
1

OYS 18. (past OYS) Married for 11 years, together 20; both early to mid forties, two kids under 10. Stats: 5'9'' x 166lb;15.3% body fat (scale); twice per week: lat pulldown 140lb, 10repsx4; chest press 140lb, 10x4; barbell bicep curls 70lb, 4x4; chin up, 5x4; dumbbell lateral raise and overhead press 12, 10x4; leg extensions 160, 4x10; leg curls 50, 4x10; six days per week: ab curls with weights 20 x 4. Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, TRM, Pook, Poon, TWOTSM, As a Man Thinketh. Paused: MMSLP. Reading: Ca…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/09/21 10:09 AM
2

I am pleased with the result even if there won’t be any sex for the remaining 7 weeks. ok, watch out for "she gave me a crumble and I'm back in her frame." You'll be raging again before the next OYS.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/09/21 02:03 AM
-1

OYS 17. (past OYS) Married for 11 years, together 20; both early to mid forties, two kids under 10. Stats: 5'9'' x 166lb;15.3% body fat (scale); twice per week: lat pulldown 140lb, 10repsx4; chest press 140lb, 10x4; barbell bicep curls 70lb, 4x4; chin up, 5x4; dumbbell lateral raise and overhead press 12, 10x4; leg extensions 160, 4x10; leg curls 50, 4x10; six days per week: ab curls with weights 20 x 4. Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, TRM, Pook, Poon, TWOTSM, As a Man Thinketh. Paused: MMSLP. Reading: Ca…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/09/21 10:56 AM
1

it seems I can avoid grinding if I think about it explicitly, but I‘ll try what you say. Thanks.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/09/21 01:34 AM
8

“So until I complete my no rage streak I will abstain from initiating“ How about, until you complete an initiation streak you’ll abstain from rage? If you’re focused on counting and punishment, count and punish the right things.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/09/21 06:06 PM
1

Alf, I’m not good at reading people in real life, let alone here. But let me tell you, it looks to me that you’ll try to do some things, perhaps asking some sort of permission, hoping she doesn’t get upset too much. If I’m wrong, that’s good. Otherwise: fifteen years of bad vacations amount to a lot of time wasted. Look at her carefully. She’s just your wife. Enjoy YOUR break.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/09/21 05:54 PM
2

It looks to me that all your marriage section is about her, and how you respond to her. This might signal that your marriage is also about her, and how you respond to her. Perhaps it's easier to see it for others that for ourselves. People made me notice the same thing. ​ I have some apprehension that the 2 of us are going away for a week at the beginning of Oct as she has been begging for a break (which I do think she deserves) Are you scared of your wife? Do you deserve the break? Are you goin…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/09/21 01:58 PM
8

OYS 16. (past OYS) Married for 11 years, together 20; both early to mid forties, two kids under 10. Stats: 5'9'' x 166lb;15.3% body fat (scale); twice per week: lat pulldown 140lb, 10repsx4; chest press 140lb, 10x4; barbell bicep curls 70lb, 4x4; chin up, 5x4; dumbbell lateral raise and overhead press 12, 10x4; leg extensions 160, 4x10; leg curls 50, 4x10; six days per week: ab curls with weights 20 x 4. Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, TRM, Pook, Poon, TWOTSM, As a Man Thinketh. Paused: MMSLP. Reading: Ca…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/09/21 10:52 AM
1

Yes, I do like her. I agree with all you say, although I am realizing there is a difference between knowing what to do and doing it. When I say, " I'll keep getting this behavior," I am not implying "I'm tired of this shit" - although I am; I am implying, "this is not my family will be." Thanks about the pointer. I have been reading those in these days.
/r/askMRP12/09/21 05:19 PM
1

You need to learn and get better at not getting butthurt and sensitive over petty bullshit. Indeed. I am better than I used to, not yet where I want to be. Grinding.
/r/askMRP12/09/21 02:31 PM
1

The only power she has over you, is the one you have given her. You are definitely right on that, but I need to move beyond it. If I say "she has no power over me" and shut her out of my life, I'll keep getting this behavior. I need to make her part of my life again, but by having her entering my reality. I did the opposite for long time.
/r/askMRP12/09/21 02:29 PM
1

I'm here to learn. You are right.
/r/askMRP11/09/21 02:25 PM
1

Ok. These leads have been awesome and I acted upon them. I'm adding an edit to the post. Thank you.
/r/askMRP11/09/21 02:15 PM
2

oooKenshiooo, this is discussion is really clear, and useful much beyond my narrow questions. I have been struggling with some kids' and kids-wife aspects as well. Thank you.
/r/askMRP11/09/21 01:32 PM
1

“If she really wanted to talk to you, she would.” That’s pretty clear.
/r/askMRP10/09/21 09:24 PM
1

If you find yourself writing something and thinking, "This is rule 9 stuff".... Your wife is still your mission. Touché, sir.
/r/askMRP10/09/21 08:01 PM
1

yes, I see that. I have become better at doing it that I was before - so that shows you my starting point. I'm not sure that STFU after she tells you that she cannot ever talk to you isn't proving her point. But that's not the only strategy - Tyred_Biggums is right on that.
/r/askMRP10/09/21 07:56 PM
2

You basically need to shape her behavior like your would shape a childs Thank you. I don't know that I can change her, but I can certainly change the set of incentives she has to respond to, which goes back to boundaries and frame. As usual.
/r/askMRP10/09/21 06:15 PM
1

Thank you. I did talk to her about the issue with the kids. There was no DEERing there, just asserting behavior, and it worked out pretty well. I think the issue I'm confronting now is that I don't have time or patience to listen to a laundry list of accusations and needed to react to that. Perhaps the issue is that I am still scared in some dimensions.
/r/askMRP10/09/21 05:45 PM
2

Thank you.
/r/askMRP10/09/21 05:41 PM
2

Thanks. I get what you are saying. I think I don't see the difference between "build indifference to her behavior" and behaving like an emotionless robot - tyred_Biggums has hit the nail in the head there.
/r/askMRP10/09/21 04:30 PM
4

Ok, I see what you are saying. I had not seen it this way. If you can bear it just a little more, explain it to me as if I was a first-grader. "Hey this isn't working for me..." "You? what about [10 mins of talk]? At this point in the journey, I think I can listen and STFU. I DNGAF. But this is clearly not progress. What do you think the right response is?
/r/askMRP10/09/21 04:22 PM
2

My read is you've shutdown / emotionless robot / closed her off from your life. It's possible. You could see it when I wrote "In fact, I am tempted to avoid things that could be construed as me falling back." I'm evidently still dealing with a Rambo reaction. ​ don't you think a chat on "hey, this situation isn't working for me..." would be warranted? Well, yes. I did talk to her about the behavior she was having with the kids, and I did ask her what is wrong. I do see that there is a difference…
/r/askMRP10/09/21 03:57 PM
2

It's not unlimited comfort, as in, I'm not chasing her asking what's wrong all the time. In the past, I'd do it from a position of weakness. I'd ask what's wrong and then be apologetic about anything she could imply about me. I have been behaving differently about it this time - but obviously that's not what maintaining frame is.
/r/askMRP10/09/21 03:44 PM
1

Because you very likely were doing that. I don't know Blarg. I was accused of it, but I don't think I ever did. The difference is, in the past I'd DEER and this would cost me dearly. when you come out of their room and she lays into you about how you undermined her you can smile at her and say "I did no such thing"? This is exactly what happened yesterday, and there was no discussion about it. I think this is the progress I've made. Still, I found me lying to myself quite often in the past - so …
/r/MarriedRedPill07/09/21 06:20 PM
1

"regardless of her opinion" is the answer. It's right to do it if it's right to my eyes. In the past, I'd be accused of being the weak one for stepping in and devaluing her word, while she has to set boundaries and be hated. But it's right if it's right for me, even at the price of being misunderstood. Blind spot caught, thank you.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/09/21 05:38 PM
2

If she doesnt comply after you tell her once, YOU go talk to the kids. Tell them how you want things to run. And DO NOT throw your wife under the bus to them. No, I never throw her under the bus; her mistakes are to be dealt with her, the kids need to see unity of direction and a solid couple. Still, perhaps you can bring me out of a blind spot here. If I go after telling her once, I am relieving her of the consequences of her mistakes. I understand this may be the right thing to do from the per…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/09/21 05:16 PM
2

Thanks Blarg, it's great to see you around. ​ The most important question here: DID SHE? I had to tell her twice, she'd keep throwing shit. She did eventually. Same yesterday evening. After telling her how she was damaging her relation with them, I said we'll watch a movie with the kids if her plan was to behave as she had been doing. We didn't, and she was more present and more playful. I still think the biggest progress was not that she responded, but that I could talk to her calmly, with no a…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/09/21 03:48 PM
6

I still have issues with frame. I noticed that sometimes my mood is tied to whether she's responding positively to my kino. Fucking pathetic. I do know that it's a common reaction that I need to overcome. Lots of guys on MRP have the same issue: how should I be acting like nothing is happening, when I'm living my only life with a person who is clearly not into me? Your days are too valuable to allow (your perception of) other people's actions to affect your mood. Maybe it's a test, maybe she has…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/09/21 01:08 PM
1

OYS 15. (past OYS) Married for 11 years, together 20; both early to mid forties, two kids under 10. Stats: 5'9'' x 166lb;15.3% body fat (scale); twice per week: lat pulldown 140lb, 10repsx4; chest press 140lb, 10x4; barbell bicep curls 70lb, 4x4; chin up, 5x4; dumbbell lateral raise and overhead press 12, 10x4; leg extensions 160, 4x10; leg curls 50, 4x10; five days per week: ab curls with weights 20 x 4. Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, TRM, Pook, Poon, TWOTSM, As a Man Thinketh. Paused: MMSLP. Reading: C…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/09/21 12:40 PM
6

Not really, got a couple HJ in the last month. Vacation is usually the driest spell - this is the worst it has been. But again, trying to solve this I won't change anything. Focusing on me, will change everything. And an edit, just to be clear: there is no covert contract here, I know she might not change. But that's something I can only think about after I am back to what I can be.
/r/MarriedRedPill31/08/21 05:19 PM
5

I think it's in a lesser priority than the rest of things. For now, I'm practicing to not feeling butthurt. ​ Goal until next OYS: Identify when I feel butthurt and learn to eliminate it. Hey I'm the last one around here to be able to give advice. But your goal should be finding a job and feeding your 4 years old. You are back here after 4 months with nothing better to report. That shows you do want to change. So go do it man.
/r/MarriedRedPill31/08/21 10:43 AM
5

OYS 14. (past OYS) Married for 11 years, together 20; both early to mid forties, two kids under 10. Stats: 5'9'' x 163lb;14.9% body fat (scale); twice per week: lat pulldown 130lb, 10repsx4; chest press 130lb, 10x4; barbell bicep curls 70lb, 8x4; dumbbell lateral raise and overhead press 12, 10x4; leg extensions 160, 4x10; leg curls 50, 4x10; five days per week: ab curls with weights 20 x 4. Diet: paleo, IF 16/8. Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, TRM, Pook, Poon, TWOTSM, As a Man Thinketh. Paused: MMSLP. Re…
/r/MarriedRedPill31/08/21 10:20 AM
1

Thank you.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/08/21 03:13 AM
1

Horns, I know there's a lot of things that go into this, but can you convey how hard were you training at the same time?
/r/MarriedRedPill27/08/21 08:09 PM
1

OYS 13. (OYS timeline) Married for 11 years, together 20; both early to mid forties, two kids under 9. Stats: 5'9'' x 161lb;14.3% body fat (scale); twice per week: lat pulldown 130lb, 10repsx4; chest press 130lb, 10x4; barbell bicep curls 70lb, 8x4; dumbbell lateral raise and overhead press 12, 10x4; leg extensions 160, 4x10; leg curls 50, 4x10; five days per week: ab curls with weights 15 x 4. Diet: paleo, IF 16/8. Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, TRM, Pook, Poon, TWOTSM, As a Man Thinketh. Reading: MMSLP…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/08/21 02:29 PM
1

Thank you. What I wanted to say, perhaps in a way that reflects too closely the language of that book, is that I want to choose what to focus on. Reading anything that happens as a proof of my (lack of) attraction is such an automatic behavior that I need to put conscious focus in choosing what I want to think. Just yesterday afternoon it took me twenty minutes to process a clearly insignificant five-seconds interaction, and stay centered on me. It's just carved into my mind, but I recognize it …
/r/MarriedRedPill18/08/21 11:18 AM
2

OYS 12. (past OYS) Married for 11 years, together 20; both early to mid forties, two kids under 9. Stats: 5'9'' x 161lb;14.3% body fat (scale); twice per week: lat pulldown 130lb, 10repsx4; chest press 130lb, 10x4; barbell bicep curls 70lb, 8x4; dumbbell lateral raise and overhead press 12, 10x4; leg extensions 160, 4x10; leg curls 50, 4x10; five days per week: ab curls with weights 15 x 4. Diet: paleo, IF 16/8. Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, TRM, Pook, Poon, TWOTSM, As a Man Thinketh. Reading: MMSLP ​ L…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/08/21 09:19 AM
1

Oobertas, I thought some more about your explanation vs. my comment. I was wondering in my question, is it my fault, is this what I don’t want to accept. Perhaps - but I’m still looking at the past, I’m still bashing myself. Now I understand a little more what you were saying last week about not bashing myself. Even if I’m right, it doesn’t matter, and it doesn’t help. Your comment instead was all about the future - what I can do. Something concrete, operational, and positive. Thank you then. I …
/r/MarriedRedPill12/08/21 02:03 PM
1

Thanks. These are things I know, I guess, but it takes time to make them become me.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/08/21 05:34 AM
3

Just to show how far back I am, here’s something I always struggle with. The Groundhog Day strategy looks to me like “I know you want to give me shit/drip sex/whatever else I don’t like, but I’m behaving as if I’m happy about it.” This last part, “I’m happy about it” is the one that generates the silent anger sometimes. I’m not happy about it. What am I getting wrong here? That is only my fault? Is this what I really don’t want to accept?
/r/MarriedRedPill11/08/21 09:43 PM
1

What made you really stop?
/r/MarriedRedPill11/08/21 04:31 PM
1

Thanks. What you say makes sense. I am discussing integrity in the context of "being me", if it makes sense, even if this may hurt some feelings. Just today, for example, I have told Mrs. Ackley I won't be able to go for a short day trip with them because I have several work-related things I need to push. I have felt the pressure to say yes, but didn't give in. It is a cost to me as well as I'd have really enjoyed it - but this is what I wanted to do, and it will benefit me and them. I hadn't im…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/08/21 04:28 PM
5

OYS 11. (past OYS) Married for 11 years, together 20; both early to mid forties, two kids under 9. Stats: 5'9'' x 161lb;14.3% body fat (scale); twice per week: lat pulldown 130lb, 10repsx4; chest press 130lb, 10x4; barbell bicep curls 70lb, 8x4; dumbbell lateral raise and overhead press 12, 10x4; leg extensions 160, 4x10; leg curls 50, 4x10; five days per week: ab curls with weights 15 x 4. Diet: paleo, IF 16/8. Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, TRM, Pook, Poon, TWOTSM, As a Man Thinketh. Reading: MMSLP Fin…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/08/21 10:08 AM
1

Thank you for taking the time to do that Blarg, I appreciate it. This seems great advice. I'll take the time to do it and write back.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/08/21 04:44 AM
1

I need these reminders. Thank you.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/08/21 11:28 PM
2

WTF man. No I didn't. Thank you. Ok, take 2. This week is unusual. We are all visiting my family, I have been away from them for two years. Kids are having a blast [CUT: and they can get a bit overexcited. When that happens, Mrs. Ackley goes in shouting mode.] I want to bring them in some of the places I grew up, let them do some of the things I did. I want them to feel the same happiness I felt, and live again that happiness. I have a lot of work to do, but I can perhaps sleep a little less for…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/08/21 10:07 PM
1

Got it. Thank you.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/08/21 10:00 PM
2

Blarg, I have saved this comment because these are questions I know I'll need to come back when I am stronger than I am now. As I wrote, I don't have a master vision. I know some of the things I want to be and do for me, my marriage and my family. But I'm not ready to sit down and think about it because it's still not going to be in my frame. And since we're talking about it, here's a thing I need to get out and own it, because it's likely not going to happen - and I'm in victim puke mode anyway…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/08/21 09:55 PM
1

So what did you do last week exactly? Victim pukes are waste by definition, so not much, I'm afraid. I guess there was some value in realizing that I can calm myself, and that I don't want to be like that with the kids. And what are you going to do this week? This week is unusual. We are all visiting my family, I have been away from them for two years. Kids are having a blast, and they can get a bit overexcited. When that happens, Mrs. Ackley goes in shouting mode. I guess this is a good opportu…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/08/21 09:44 PM
1

Oobertas, thank you. I see what you mean. The issue is, I've deceived myself for so long about how good I am, that I'm afraid of being caught off guard again from my own shit. I guess you are right in that I could do the same without judgment and shame. Perhaps it's just part of the victim puke stage I still am (and I thought I was out - you see?) But yes, part of the progress will have to go through that.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/08/21 09:30 PM
1

Thanks Ragnar. Somebody pointed to that book some months ago - perhaps you? - and I wasn't able to dig it out. Do you have any stats for your major lifts? Bench, Squat, Deadlift? I don't. I restarting lifting two months ago out of a basic home gym and I don't have that equipment. Early OYS talk about that. Kurliqued called me out on that last week. I'm away from home for a month and I'll get the equipment when I get back.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/08/21 09:26 PM
1

That's a tough one, Tyred_Biggums. I went and hug them right after. I didn't say anything. I don't know that it's a good idea for them to see me weak more than they are already. I don't know that they can understand what I'd be apologizing for. If this was another mistake, please call it out. Thank you.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/08/21 09:18 PM
1

This whole thing is a victim puke. Now that I read it again in light of your comments, most of it is. I guess it's the stage I'm in. What I did with my kids is pathetic yes. That's why I wrote it; I need to own it. I am sure you are right about the fact that I have not even grasped the basics yet. I got called out many times already around here on things I thought I did better than before. I called myself out in some exceptional cases, even. There is so much anger in your post and it did not jus…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/08/21 09:16 PM
3

OYS 10. (past OYS) Married for 11 years, together 20; both early to mid forties, two kids under 9. Stats: 5'9'' x 161lb;14.3% body fat (scale); twice per week: lat pulldown 130lb, 10repsx4; chest press 130lb, 10x4; barbell bicep curls 70lb, 8x4; dumbbell lateral raise and overhead press 12, 10x4; leg extensions 160, 4x10; leg curls 50, 4x10; five days per week: ab curls with weights 15 x 4. Diet: paleo, IF 16/8. Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, TRM, Pook, Poon, TWOTSM, As a Man Thinketh. Reading: MMSLP ​ O…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/08/21 10:24 AM
1

You see, I was writing an answer and then I realized the problem. I was saying, "As much as I'd like to believe I'm better already, I'm actually not". But the reality is I still want to become better to get something in exchange. Perhaps sex, perhaps just a more normal life. I know I will get neither, down this path. How do I move away from this? Towards what should I move? It's probably written somewhere in the sidebar, or in these posts. Maybe I've also read it, I know it at an intellectual le…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/07/21 12:15 AM
1

Thanks, it makes sense. I will look into those.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/07/21 03:15 PM
1

Thank you. I should have been clearer - I was using dead fish for “rejection without even saying no”.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/07/21 01:06 PM
2

No, she is just waiting to see how much validation ( that she is hot) another 41 year old dad is going to give her. I can see this, but at the cost of revealing my obvious incompetence: what would have your behavior been? Isn't it the case that with the act of opening, you validate her?
/r/MarriedRedPill27/07/21 12:29 PM
1

OYS 9. (past OYS) Married for 11 years, together 20; both early to mid forties, two kids under 9. Stats: 5'9'' x 161lb;14.3% body fat (scale); twice per week: lat pulldown 130lb, 10repsx4; chest press 130lb, 10x4; barbell bicep curls 70lb, 8x4; dumbbell lateral raise and overhead press 12, 10x4; leg extensions 160, 4x10; leg curls 50, 4x10; five days per week: ab curls with weights 15 x 4. Diet: paleo, IF 16/8. Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, TRM, Pook, Poon, TWOTSM, As a Man Thinketh. Reading: MMSLP ​ Th…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/07/21 11:07 AM
2

This is very useful, thank you. I know that if you are here there are some problems you are trying to solve, but yours does look like a place with no shortage of fun stories to tell in retrospect. Keep it alive.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/07/21 02:48 AM
1

She knows how to push his buttons, and he can't control himself when this happens. My wife approaches him and starts yelling at him. I get this a lot, including the yelling wife part. I usually remove one of the kids, although that is earning me the reputation of being soft with the kids, of course. You seem to know what you are doing there. Can you share what you told him after? I have a hard time dealing with these situations.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/07/21 11:55 PM
1

uh I had missed that conversation last week. I'll read it.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/07/21 10:31 PM
1

Blarg, thanks. By saying "value in hiding" I only meant "strategic, pragmatic value". Let me give you an example from a couple quote I dug out from those readings: "To know how to disguise is the knowledge of kings," or "secrecy is the first essential in the affairs of a State". That's Richelieu, a French cardinal and statesman, which I avidly read when I was a teenager (what a dive in the past). I wasn't really thinking about it in the context of a relationship; more from a LOP angle, if that m…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/07/21 10:00 PM
5

You know they're coming, and you're ready. Yes, but this is something I always struggled with - the "you're ready". As if there is a fight to be had, and I'm ready for it, with my list of tricks. I focused on the tricks - what do I do? AA? STFU? - and was really never myself. I think the step forward I made is that there shall be no fight. Good points also on the boundary-setting steps. If I think about it now, I can see I wouldn't be able to say "my wife doesn't act like that" with a serious to…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/07/21 04:24 PM
1

Nothing. You're right on that. One reason I got trained into fearing those reactions - so much so that I'd avoid generating them and become submissive - is of course the stick of sexual denials. Which is why - I see now - OI really matters. It takes away the only leverage they have.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/07/21 04:14 PM
2

Got it. I do make some efforts to hide. I don't know that there is a single cause. I developed into someone like that from those Bible passages, Richelieu and Machiavelli readings. I just liked it that way: I go my way, stealthy. I realized later that my dad is like that as well. The more I think about it, the more I see my dad is full RP. I must have been a big disappointment for him when I was younger. Anyway, I'm saying this because I do think there is a value in actively hiding. Still, it's …
/r/MarriedRedPill20/07/21 04:11 PM
0

Thank you. I remember reading your response and it made sense intellectually, but not practically, yet. I cannot distinguish the "my wife" vs. "criticism" very well for now. It's probably the case that it really is about the action, not the person. ​ The way forward for me was just do stuff and don't let anyone know. Yes, that's what I used to do; it was great. I then started to exchange that silence with attempts to increase my value to my wife's eyes. Do you ever go all the way into actively h…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/07/21 12:31 PM
9

OYS 8. (past OYS) Married for 11 years, together 20; both early to mid forties, two kids under 9. Stats: 5'9'' x 160lb; 14.1% body fat (scale); lat pulldown 130lb, 10repsx3; chest press 130lb, 10x3; barbell bicep curls 70lb, 8x3; dumbbell lateral raise and overhead press 12, 10x3; leg extensions 160, 3x10; chin ups x 10, ab curls with weights 45x. Diet: paleo, IF 16/8. Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, TRM, Pook, Poon, TWOTSM, As a Man Thinketh. Reading: MMSLP I've realized I'm afraid of my wife There, I wr…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/07/21 10:02 AM
1

Yes, it makes sense. Thank you for following up.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/07/21 10:43 PM
3

OYS 7. (past OYS) Married for 11 years, together 20; both early to mid forties, two kids under 9. Stats: 5'9'' x 160lb; 14.1% body fat (scale); lat pulldown 130lb, 10repsx3; chest press 130lb, 10x3; barbell bicep curls 70lb, 8x3; dumbbell lateral raise and overhead press 12, 10x3; leg extensions 160, 3x10; chin ups x 10, ab curls with weights 45x. Diet: paleo, IF 16/8. Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, TRM, Pook, Poon, TWOTSM, As a Man Thinketh. Reading: MMSLP Lifts Great feedback on lifting last week, whic…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/07/21 10:54 AM
1

I can go 5x here or there, but not on a continual basis as it is simply too taxing on my body & central nervous system. Now that you say it, perhaps that's one of the reasons I would collapse after a few weeks in the past. For the little I know, this seems very good advice. I'll start from my next workout tomorrow. I'll have to go lower with the weights I suppose, and I'll miss a bit of continuity in tracking lifts - but of course not on my weight; so I can still see how the change affects me. T…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/07/21 08:43 PM
2

I thought about it more. You guys are right - a big chunk of it was validation-seeking. Good catch indeed. I expect a tag in your next post. It seems you might not get it now.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/07/21 07:55 PM
1

I can't imagine how far back you sway in order to swing up 90 lbs. That's a typo that propagated from other posts; it's 80 x 5; I fixed the past OYS, and I'll fix this now. Thanks for catching that. For curls, I put my back against the wall to do that, and try to engage the core, if that makes sense, before I start to avoid swinging back. I have a tendency to raise my hips as a result, but it's not too much I believe, and I don't add weight until I can do it without raising the hips. ​ Try dropp…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/07/21 07:47 PM
3

Haven't figured out yet what's the convention about that, and was doing it more to acknowledge them. Will be more considerate.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/07/21 03:42 PM
3

OYS 6. (past OYS) Married for 11 years, together 20; both early to mid forties, two kids under 9. Stats: 5'9'' x 162lb; 14.5% body fat (scale); lat pulldown 180lb x 3; chest press 160 x 5; barbell bicep curls 80 x 5; dumbbell lateral raise and overhead press 16 x 5; leg extensions 200 x 5; chin ups x 10, ab curls with weights 45x. Diet: paleo, IF 16/8. Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, TRM, Pook, Poon, TWOTSM, As a Man Thinketh. Reading: MMSLP A reflection on frame My last week's OYS commentary was about fr…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/07/21 10:26 AM
2

thanks for your time Blarg, I'll make good use of it.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/07/21 06:07 PM
1

Stop being afraid of your wife. I guess it's a good diagnosis - and it took 15 years to build this dynamics. Thank you.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/07/21 04:26 PM
1

I have failed all my lifts lately so to be safe I am going to wait a week and deload 20%. Hey just in case you missed them - check this and this out. Building discipline doesn't need to wait your healing.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/07/21 01:27 PM
2

Now...to the untrained eye this is a lot of words. The big question is, why is this not DEERing? I'm the last person that can answer around here. If with "this" you mean the attempted hypothetical conversation, I'm gonna say that if I DEER, I am accepting that the burden of proof about my intention is on me. In your proposal, there is no proof to be given; she can dance with me or not, but I am anyway.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/07/21 01:12 PM
2

Hey, this is really great. You're communicating about how you're communicating. Have you done that? I guess (but what do I know...) I've always felt the problem was about how communication was occurring. Reading your words brought back old feelings of anxiety because I recalled those exact words, I never said any of those things. It NEVER went like you describe. Things would move from "a conversation" to "a fight about the conversation" and then "a fight about the fight about the conversation". …
/r/MarriedRedPill01/07/21 02:20 AM
1

But in that case I am not letting her fail. Blarg, that seems something important I have been struggling with for a long time. I can't have hard conversations with my wife without her heating up to max - at which point I DEER'ed (before) or STFU (mostly, now). It's a major obstacle for me to a more authentic relation. Could you provide just one example? Thank you.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/06/21 05:40 PM
1

Yes, I have been awesome at getting stuff done. That's why I have a good life today. I had clarity of purpose and I had the "get there or die trying" attitude. I think this is why she was attracted to me in the first place. I lost most of it during the years together as I became more and more submissive. I recognize many of the manipulation steps here. I guess that's why I'm here after all: to find out again how to do it; put in the work and reclaim who I know I am. About the time - that's quite…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/06/21 04:43 PM
1

Your frame should be: "I'm getting a gun because I want to." Indeed, as sea-tease said as well, it's all about frame. I guess I can't see myself having that attitude with regard to this issue, which is a further confirmation that my frame is weak. Improving, but weak. Thank you guys.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/06/21 04:28 PM
2

I have been thinking about buying. I went shooting a couple times and liked it; and most importantly I don't want to be the one without if the wrong guy knocks at the door. My wife has I guess the same reaction: she goes full hyperventilation mode and there is no conversation to be had. I understand that perhaps there is no need to have one - this shows how far back I am. You say you are no longer afraid; so, would you buy it if you wanted to? What makes it so that if you purchased one, she woul…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/06/21 03:21 AM
1

OYS 5. Married for 11 years, together 20; both early to mid forties, two kids under 9. Stats: 5'9'' x 162lb; 14.5% body fat (scale); lat pulldown 180lb x 3; chest press 160 x 5; barbell bicep curls 80 x 5; dumbbell lateral raise and overhead press 16 x 5; leg extensions 200 x 5; chin ups x 12, ab curls with weights 45. Diet: paleo, IF 16/8. Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, TRM, Pook, Poon, TWOTSM, As a Man Thinketh. Reading: MMSLP I try to get in everybody's head I thought I only considered my actions, my …
/r/MarriedRedPill29/06/21 12:45 PM
1

Yes, I guess you are right. When everything seems perfect, I also expect to have rights and so a denial makes me upset. The times I don't get upset are only those where I don't expect anything either way and just do it. I hadn't thought about that.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/06/21 04:43 PM
1

I decided to take a run through the town. Decided to take the end of the route through the shopping-streets. Did this a Saturday afternoon when the streets are most crowded. To my surprise it didn’t bother me. In fact it was really fun. People DID notice me though, but having people’s attention made it easy to say hello and deliver one-liners to people. So, do you feel different about initiating now? I have noticed I have the same approach about initiating sometimes: I (probably) don't care abou…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/06/21 11:40 PM
1

OYS 4. Married for 11 years, together 20; both early to mid forties, two kids under 9. Stats: 5'9'' x 162lb; 14.6% body fat (scale); lat pulldown 170lb x 3; chest press 160 x 4; barbell bicep curls 80 x 5; dumbbell lateral raise and overhead press 16 x 5; leg extensions 200 x 5; chin ups x 12. Diet: paleo, IF 16/8. Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, TRM, Pook, Poon, TWOTSM, As a Man Thinketh. Reading: MMSLP Back from a Rule 9 which I got because I can't follow simple, clearly stated instructions. I shit-test…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/06/21 01:44 PM
1

OYS 3. Married for 11 years, together 20; both early to mid forties, two kids under 9. Stats: 5'9'' x 161lb; 14.2% body fat (scale); lat pulldown 170lb x 3; chest press 150 x 3; barbell bicep curls 80 x 5; dumbbell lateral raise and overhead press 14 x 3; leg extensions 190 x 5; chin ups x 10. Diet: paleo, IF 16/8. Readings: NMMNG, WISNIFG, TRM, Pook, Poon, TWOTSM, As a Man Thinketh. I have not made progress on MMSLP. That's on me. Lifts, focus and sleep. I have met my commitment of lifting 5 da…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/06/21 11:32 AM
1

Hey thank you both. This must mean then that my leadership is still weak, despite the progress (I believe) I made. Another area to focus on.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/06/21 12:56 AM
1

Well, I guess that is the point: I don't know if something is missing. I read a couple of weeks ago this comment by u/HornsOfApathy in response to somebody who - I understand - similarly enjoys the control he has taken of family affairs: "You find validation in being the plowhorse deeper than you know." I could see that message easily being for me, and I am trying to keep my eyes open. I guess this is one reason why I decided to start posting after being around for quite some time: I don't know …
/r/MarriedRedPill01/06/21 06:13 PM
1

OYS 2. Married for 11 years, together almost 20; both early to mid forties, two kids under 9. Stats: 5'9'' x 161lb; 14.2% body fat (scale); lat pulldown 170lb x 3; chest press 150 x 3; barbell bicep curls 86 x 3; dumbbell lateral raise and overhead press 14 x 3; leg extensions 170 x 3; chin up bar x 8. Diet: paleo, IF 16/9 Readings: NMMNG, WISNIFG, TRM, Poon, TWOTSM, As a Man Thinketh. Focus For a good chunk of the first day after posting OYS1, I have been checking reddit almost compulsively for…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/06/21 11:35 AM
1

OYS 1. Married for 11 years, together almost 20; both early to mid forties, two kids under 9. Stats: 5'9'' x 160lb; 13.9% body fat (scale); lat pulldown 160lb x 3; chest press 140 x 3; barbell bicep curls 80 x 3; dumbbell lateral raise and overhead press 14 x 3; leg extensions 160 x 3; chin up bar x 4. Diet: paleo, IF 16/9 Readings: NMMNG, WISNIFG, TRM, Poon, TWOTSM, As a Man Thinketh. Hey all, Ackley here. My background story is quite common. A low-sex, high-frustration marriage revealed to me …
/r/MarriedRedPill26/05/21 04:16 AM
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