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kaffeetasse22 Archive

View 5 posts and 47 comments by kaffeetasse22 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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18

One reason not mentioned yet is convenience. Some women avoid taking the initiative because it’s easier to pressure men into doing so than to develop the confidence to do it themselves. An example, as OP mentioned, is women questioning a man’s sexuality if he doesn’t take the lead. This isn’t a genuine question—assuming that not taking initiative means being gay is both ignorant and reductive.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/25 10:14 PM
6

Equality is having the choice to fall back on certain traditional aspects and there‘s nothing contradictory about that. What if the traditional aspects you choose to fall back on are based on inequality or sexism? Saying you want equality but at the same time wanting the choice to fall back on inequality when it benefits you e.g. men being providers for women, is a contradiction.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/25 03:56 AM
6

Call it however you want. But if FGC or FGM Type 1a and Circumcision are analogous, then why not just argue for protecting men and women instead of only women from cutting off healthy parts of their genitals?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 05:41 PM
3

By making the first move you are opening yourself up to rejection which takes courage and confidence. […] Women should not have to carry this burden. Courage (risk taking) and confidence are soft skills that are beneficial to anyone regardless of gender not only when it comes to dating but also in your career. Maybe if women had more courage and confidence they’d also earn as much as men?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/24 07:47 PM
15

I’d love to hear your perspective too. You usually have the best insights on this forum.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/09/24 09:59 AM
3

So basically the men you‘re choosing are not interested in a long term relationship with you?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/09/24 09:43 AM
4

If only you could tell who was lying and who wasn‘t. I agree that it‘s hard to spot a liar but even if we assumed that 50% were liars you need to go on 2 dates to find a man that is honest and genuinely interested in you. It‘s not that hard, is it?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/09/24 09:31 AM
5

I think it‘s disingenuous to say that 99% of men are liars. It‘s just an unrealistic assumption. Even if we assumed 50% of men are liars (which is still realistically too high) and you have 100 matches who selected „looking for a relationship“ there will still be 50 good options for you.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/09/24 09:24 AM
–

It feels unfair that, as a guy, I’m expected to always make the first move in dating. I never asked for that role, but it seems like a lot of women expect it. I think a lot of other guys can relate to feeling like this is an unfair expectation. We’d prefer if more women took the initiative too, making dating feel more equal. Because of this, many of us are choosing to approach less often, only doing it when we really want to or in situations where it feels natural. It’s about wanting a more bala…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/24 02:10 PM
3

I agree with both of you partly. The focus should be on creating an environment where men feel safe to open up, rather than simply telling them they should do so. Opening up in an unsupportive environment can have serious consequences for men, such as ridicule, increased pain, and the risk of having their vulnerability used against them. As long as there are instances where opening up is used against men, the most rational advice is to be very careful about whom they choose to confide in.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/24 07:01 PM
10

I think the woman is a sexist and the man handled everything fairly. We just live in a culture where some people like you don’t realize this yet because women have podcasts where they reinforce each others sexist beliefs that men should pay for women instead of splitting the bill generally.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/24 07:51 AM
–

Men can see through this. Essentially, you’re saying, „Men usually initiate the date, so they should also pay.“ Be an equal if you want to be treated equal and just SPLIT THE BILL.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/24 05:45 PM
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Finding a long-term partner that is open to living in Asia and Europe or traveling in between, learning each other‘s languages and embracing our differences and cultures. I‘ve made unforgettable connections in these past years. It‘s all brought me a lot of joy. I haven‘t found the one yet but I’m sure I will.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/24 10:58 AM
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I like the East Asian phenotype but I also like western women or all women to be honest. I think it‘s just a consequence of me not being very popular back home because I basically got very few likes/matches with Europeans and very few were interested talking or a date. Whatever Europeans are looking for on these apps, it‘s not me. So I think it‘s quite natural to lean in to a dating market where you‘re valued more. In Asia I had the choice which women I want to go on a date with.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/24 10:45 AM
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I haven‘t encountered any racism from Japanese or Korean people. I had no problem going to public baths there. It‘s true though that a lot of East Asian Women have a thing for light-skinned, tall, preferably blonde men. I‘ve gotten a lot of compliments that I look like an actor, a model over there compared to very little back home.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/24 10:36 AM
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Because I want a relationship based on mutual respect and attraction. I think it would be immoral to use my socio-economic background as leverage. Also I haven‘t been to these countries.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/24 10:32 AM
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Europe, I prefer not to specify further for privacy reasons. I used online dating apps and met people through events or parties aswell. In Asia the attention and quality of likes/matches was much higher (1000+) while I got few and low quality likes/matches back home, actually also mostly from East Asian women (less than 100). I do! Sometimes I also invite and I also got invited before. My country is egalitarian when it comes to splitting the bill. Splitting the bill back home leads to almost no …
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/24 10:21 AM
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I‘ve done both. Eventually I would like to live somewhere in East Asia.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/24 09:55 AM
4

The behaviors you recommend align with tactics used in emotional abuse. These include manipulation, such as suggesting women should „be as clinical and impersonal as you can“ and withholding emotional support by stating, „If he confides his problems, just let him know you are not there to baby him.“ Your advice promotes conditional affection, as seen in „Make him realize, if sex is all he wants, that’s all he will get,“ and encourages creating an emotionally hostile environment by advising women…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/24 02:45 PM
2

I disagree, and let me explain why: Your observations about women being highly selective right now about who they approach are right but they are the results of a culture where men approach. If the culture shifted men’s and women‘s selectivity would also change. Current Scenario In the current dating culture, men typically initiate the approach, investing significant time and effort. As a result, they tend to be less selective due to the high number of approaches they need to make. Conversely, w…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/07/24 03:47 PM
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I wouldn’t call that “holding someone accountable.” You’re not setting clear expectations, not communicating openly about issues, and not following up with the person. It’s just a comfortable way out for yourself, but the consequences for other men will remain unchanged. It’s similar to men who ignore sexual harassment in their social circle because they don’t want to speak up. How is this person supposed to improve if there is no feedback?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/24 11:18 PM
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Women do this in ways that don’t cause too much of a scene and don’t ruin friendship dynamics with other women […] How is this holding someone accountable? You’re not even telling the person your criticism. How is she supposed to change if you cut her off? Is she supposed to read your mind? A much better way is to confront her and talk directly and openly about what is going wrong. Also, I agree with the other person that I’ve never seen women hold each other accountable for using men for money.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/24 10:49 PM
0

Why aren‘t you blaming men. Because it‘s inaccurate to blame men here. Most men are open to women initiating dates. Just look at the comments here. There is not one man so far that has said they don’t like women initiating. Most say they would like it but actually don’t think it‘s realistic. Why should I blame men? Why are men responsible for women‘s action or inaction?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/24 07:34 PM
3

Also sorry to say this but, women that are aware of gender roles and not afraid to break outdated norms are usually more educated and confident in my experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/24 07:14 PM
3

I don’t think so. It doesn‘t mean those men are walking away from dating. It just means men have preferences. While you might date less women because women rarely initiate, I feel like the quality of dates as a man will be much better because the women that initiate value mutual respect and effort over outdated gender roles. But as women often say: „Quality over Quantity“
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/24 07:11 PM
0

Right! I think we are all understanding slowly how the status quo is neither benefiting men nor women then. Or do you enjoy the status quo?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/24 07:04 PM
0

Most dudes are prisoners to their dicks. But what if we let those men follow their dicks? Pretty soon, women will realize that the men who chase them the most are often those who are only interested in one thing. This might even encourage women to take more initiative because, at the end of the day, who wants to be in a relationship with men who think with their dick instead of men that value mutual effort and respect?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/24 06:50 PM
13

Women will need to learn to navigate the fine line between acceptable and unacceptable contact. As women achieve equality with men, they will increasingly take the initiative in dating. However, they will also need to understand the complexities men have been dealing with for years and realize it’s not as straightforward as they might have thought. From personal experience, I think some women have a biased perception that men always want sex. Some women find it hard to understand that men can al…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/24 03:03 PM
31

Although women might disagree, the typical online dating experience for men reveals a notable pattern. The average man receives few matches, whereas a small group of highly attractive men receive the majority. This indicates that women tend to prefer dating the same select group of men. In contrast, the typical online dating experience for women is vastly different. Most women receive a moderate to high number of likes, suggesting that men have a broader range of dating interests and are not all…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/24 07:25 PM
3

To me those results are really troubling. It‘s like women have their radar for romantic partners set all wrong. Not only do they prefer benevolent sexists that in turn are also more likely to be hostile sexists. On top of that they think that non-sexists are worse romantic partners, more hostile towards women and even more likely to commit domestic violence. (Study 2)
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/24 01:39 PM
2

A good way to check for benevolent sexism is to reverse the genders in a scenario. If your behavior changes, it’s likely benevolent sexism. For example: - Holding Doors: If men hold doors for women but not for men. - Paying Bills: If men pay for female friends but not for male friends. - Cooking: If someone cooks for men but not for women.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/24 12:00 AM
8

And the problem is that people who display benevolent sexism, also tend to display more hostile sexism as well. This is so important to understand. Hostile sexism is the punishment for not following gender roles. Benevolent sexism is the reward for following gender roles. Both work together.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/24 07:53 AM
1

I feel you. The worst part about benevolent sexism is the assumption that women need preferential treatment in emergencies or war because they need to be protected more than men. It’s troubling to think about. Why is it that men’s lives seem to be valued less in these situations? It just doesn’t make sense to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/24 10:48 PM
7

My partner always carries the heavy ones not because he‘s being chivalrous but because he‘s being kind and helping me. So it‘s based on capabilities and a difference in strength and not on gender. Benevolent sexism is preferential treatment based on gender. We should be careful not to confuse this.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/24 08:36 PM
1

The biological differences are the source of the attitude tho… If benevolent sexism is rational due to biological differences, why do some men and women like it while others dislike it? Why do some cultures engage heavily in benevolent sexism while others do not? It seems to me that this is more about social conditioning and ideas about gender roles rather than biology.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/24 08:01 PM
1

The biological differences are the source of the attitude tho… If benevolent sexism is rational due to biological differences, why do some men and women like it while others dislike it? Why do some cultures engage heavily in benevolent sexism while others do not? It seems to me that this is more about social conditioning and ideas about gender roles rather than biology.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/24 08:01 PM
3

The biological differences are the source of the attitude tho… If benevolent sexism is rational due to biological differences, why do some men and women like it while others dislike it? Why do some cultures engage heavily in benevolent sexism while others do not? It seems to me that this is more about social conditioning and ideas about gender roles rather than biology.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/24 08:01 PM
7

I agree that it can be hard do distinguish between someone being nice and benevolent sexism. When it comes to chivalry though I‘d say it falls into the category benevolent sexism since chivalry is a code of conduct only for men. Why would we need a special code of conduct specifically for men if we see men and women as equals? It‘s basically a set of rules to give women preferential treatment.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/24 07:02 PM
1

They list the negative effects of BS out: „Many studies have demonstrated that endorsement of BS by women is associated with harmful consequences, including increasing women’s approval of protective restrictions imposed by a husband (Moya, Glick, Expósito, de Lemus, & Hart, 2007), increasing women’s acceptance of restrictions on their behavior during courtship (Viki, Abrams, & Hutchison, 2003), increased seeking of dependency-oriented help from men (Shnabel, Bar-Anan, Kende, Bareket, & Lazar, 20…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/24 04:59 PM
4

I agree. Men saying „women are better at cleaning“ or „I‘m a man, I‘m not that good at cleaning, you do it.“ to avoid equal household chores is benevolent sexism. Just as some women like to take advantage of the perks of benevolent sexism, there is also men that take advantage of the perks of benevolent sexism and I‘m saying we need to recognize this more, regardless of gender.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/24 04:34 PM
9

„Benevolent sexism (BS) has detrimental effects on women, yet women prefer men with BS attitudes over those without.“ That‘s the key finding of study 1. Women prefer benevolent sexists over non-sexists. Hostile sexists come last.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/24 04:23 PM
9

There are significantly fewer egalitarian women compared to those who prefer benevolent sexism in both dating and relationships. As a man who values gender equality, I always feel happy to date egalitarian women. It’s a relief when both sides treat each other as equals, and it doesn’t diminish affection. You can still be affectionate, I even think it’s more genuine because it’s not based on gender roles.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/24 03:45 PM
7

I agree with social scientists on benevolent sexism, yes. I understand that benevolent sexist men who treat women fundamentally different based on gender e.g. paying for their bills because they are women, have better dating prospects. Actually it‘s easier to not question social norms like this and just go with it but I wonder what percentage of men pay for dates because of genuine affection and what percentage do it because they know women prefer it?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/24 03:23 PM
3

Where is the connection between not treating women to dinner and treating other people „like garbage“?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/24 02:59 PM
6

I agree. I think the key point that people don‘t seem to understand is that positive sexist comments or attitudes (benevolent sexism) also contribute to gender inequality. Like the research shows women, even feminists, seem to prefer benevolent sexism to no sexism because of its perceived benefits.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/24 02:55 PM
6

There‘s that hostile sexism. You describing men who treat women equally and prefer not to pay for their dinner as „hostile sexism“ is proving the results of study 2. „Low benevolent sexist men were scored as more hostile towards women that high benevolent sexist men.“ Be honest: Would you prefer a man that splits the bill or a man that invites you for dinner?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/24 02:52 PM
10

So it‘s sexism to appreciate women? In this case yes, Social scientists label chivalrous behavior like treating women to dinner, benevolent sexism. It goes hand in hand with hostile sexism and reinforces gender inequality. It‘s sexism to acknowledge that women are physically weaker than men. Does women being physically weaker necessitate men paying for dinner? I don‘t think so. Then don‘t pay for dates if it upsets you that much. It‘s not other people‘s problem that you can‘t find women to split…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/24 02:37 PM
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