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red_koan Archive

View 0 posts and 390 comments by red_koan on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

I reread your post and have questions; I could ask myself these same questions. You say you’ve made peace with spinning plates because you’re just in it until you get a girlfriend, then you’re out. Let’s say you decide to spin plates indefinitely and never become monogamous. Would the guilt come back? Would you have to find a new way to make peace with that? You say you used to feel like you were taking something from them by fucking them without commitment. You justify this by saying you are gi…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/03/22 04:58 PM
3

That last bullet is a good mental model. Thanks for sharing.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/03/22 02:19 PM
7

I think of it this way. MRP is collected wisdom from thousands of men swapping notes. It can tell you with a high degree of confidence what the likely outcome of your actions are, based on the experience of many man before you. So it’s not a “You should”, it’s an “if then”… here are the likely consequences of your actions; choose your fate by choosing your actions.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/03/22 10:25 AM
1

It’s the same with commenting here. I can’t do for you or /u/Ubermensch33 what you did for me. I just try to pay it forward and hope I can help the next guys.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/02/22 02:42 AM
2

If your job offers an Employee Assistance Program (EAP), you get five or so free counseling sessions per year. You can try out different people and see who you like. Experimentation might be the best way to narrow down the options. I’ve been told employer can’t see what services employees are using, theoretically it’s anonymous. The first counselor would probably be the best person to ask who you should talk to, if not them.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/02/22 02:07 AM
1

Mission: fuck like animal. Your wife is the gatekeeper of sex with her. Ergo your wife controls your mission. Attitude: mopey and moody. Gotta cut this out… so the solution is to Larp happiness? You’re not going to white knuckle your way to happiness. Why not just figure out why you’re unhappy and fix that? And that might have something to do with letting someone else hold the keys to your happiness.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/02/22 01:59 AM
3

It’s such a gift when covert contracts fall through. You haven’t been changing your authentic self because that hasn’t been your goal. Your goal was to change others’ perceptions of you and their actions. Be thankful it didn’t work. Now you can stop dancing. You have to do the work because you want to be who the work will make you. On a separate note, I also felt inauthentic when I changed. Obviously the concern is that you were just Larping and being a fraud. What I realized is that I had to de…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/02/22 01:02 AM
2

helping out a part of the population that has no way to ever pay me for it Why specifically is the lack of reciprocity important to you? Is this altruism?
/r/MarriedRedPill23/02/22 12:04 AM
2

Read my background before replying, cheers Stopped reading there. You’re not special.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/02/22 11:58 PM
3

PON can seem like a shortcut or a workaround. It’s not, and it makes it dangerous to someone who is struggling with progress. The only way out of hell is through hell. If you can keep doing the work, by all means keep reading the book.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/02/22 11:36 AM
2

You feel like an “I’m so bad Nice Guy”. Have you read that book?
/r/MarriedRedPill17/02/22 08:33 PM
2

Lol. Imgur gave me an “erotic” warning on your pics. Congrats dude.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/02/22 02:32 AM
7

Attraction is not a choice. You’re telling her to fuck you without attraction. She can’t choose to be attracted to you. You aren’t going to get what you want. I reiterated very clearly that I am not “expecting” anything from her anymore I think I see your thought process here. If she does x, I’ll stay; if she does not do x, I’ll leave. The problem is that you are letting someone else make your decision for you. You just put your fate in her hands. I went through a phase like this where I tried t…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/02/22 01:15 PM
2

Just use navy method. It doesn’t matter that you get an exactly measurement accurate to the decimal places, it matters that you can easily track it over time to verify that you’re progressing. Progress over precision. Losing fat is probably the best thing you can do right now. You can bulk all you want when you’re not fat. Getting lean is going to change your life much more than adding muscle under a layer of fat. I started where you are, actually higher %bf. This is what I would tell myself a y…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/02/22 12:51 PM
5

I’m just going to throw some shit at the wall, see if it sticks. You’re not seeing outcomes commensurate with the effort you’re putting in. When this happens, I’ve seen dudes (including me) slip into magical thinking a little bit. What is the damn magic bullet? If I just try enough stuff, eventually I’ll find it. You’re angry, you keep getting bans, you’re searching an answer in the books, you’re reading woo woo (PON; I like this book, but there is a time and place for it). It feels like you are…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/02/22 03:04 AM
2

Congrats man. It’s been great to watch your progress this year.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/02/22 02:46 AM
3

Pick cutting or bulking and commit. 2500 calories is no man’s land. It’s too high for a cut and too low for a bulk. You’re 19% BF. I recommend cutting.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/02/22 01:44 AM
5

It’s physically painful to a women woman to fuck an unattractive man. Maybe you can get your new hairdryer to blow you.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/02/22 01:32 AM
3

So what’s your mission? If it’s getting a bj then mission accomplished; if not, I couldn’t find it in your OYS.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/02/22 01:23 AM
4

On the physical stuff. It’s the discipline of doing the work consistently that is most important. Yeah, getting jacked is a great outcome, but it’s an outcome. The real benefit is discipline, and you can exercise that with rehab just like you would with heavy weight. When you’re done rehabbing, lift heavy. It’s all the same mindset.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/02/22 02:57 PM
5

The diet stuff sounds like a good opportunity to lead your wife. Give her a chance to add value by cooking consistent with your goals. On looking tough. I was always like this as well. I realized eventually that only animals that feel threatened try to look tough. Figure out why you feel threatened in social situations. Try the sidebar post about what power does she actually have over you.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/02/22 02:49 PM
1

I want you to succeed. But if all you ever do in response to comments is fog and negative assertion, you’re just making it harder on yourself.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/02/22 04:23 PM
3

Fuck the dread levels. This is the only plan you need.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/02/22 01:45 PM
2

Why is this the exact same OYS that StrangerAdventurous8 posted?
/r/MarriedRedPill09/02/22 09:06 PM
2

What is the message that you don’t want to send to the world with your wedding ring? Are you sure that’s the intended recipient?
/r/MarriedRedPill09/02/22 09:02 PM
3

You know that’s a problem. What are you doing about it? Do you still blame her for not fucking all those years? Have you accepted that it was your fault for not being attractive?
/r/MarriedRedPill09/02/22 08:56 PM
3

Read MMSLP. You can outgrow it later. Yeah it’s purple but you’re still blue so it’s an improvement.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/02/22 08:45 PM
2

I get what you’re saying. The litmus test I’m applying now is “if I’m the only person that ever sees this picture would I still take it?”. Then I have my answer. So the answer isn’t about actions it’s about motives. Thanks for making the distinction.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/02/22 11:56 AM
1

You’re right. This could easily become avoidance. My vision is to have eventually both in my life; relationships and solitude. What I seem to genuinely want right now is to just go on adventures solo, so that’s what I’m doing. For now, I also have the excuse of not wanting to disrupt the divorce with infidelity accusations. If I’m not on the apps once it’s final, then yeah I’m avoiding. I seem to remember you getting this same question and answering similarly.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/02/22 06:37 AM
1

Yeah the mindset is the difference. I found I was seeking validation. I had to consciously switch over to getting picture for memories that would trigger my own validation.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/02/22 10:21 PM
3

Yeah that’s true. I guess what I’m learning is that my cake isn’t finished.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/02/22 10:18 PM
1

Makes sense. I’ve tried my best to only manipulate a single variable at a time, but a marriage has deep roots in a life.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/02/22 10:14 PM
13

OYS 55 33M/32F no kids. Divorcing after 10 years. 5’11” 184 10% BF Navy. Basics Lifting. GSLP AMRAPs: Deadlift 270x7, Squat 240x8, Bench 215x6. Diet. IIFYM cut. OMAD with 1800 calorie target. Sidebar complete. Reading . No porn 227 days. Spiritual. Listened to four+ talks this week. Game. Working through Mastering the Game by Neil Strauss. Parks I’m at a national park this week, taking advantage of the remote work aspect of my job. I’m struggling with walking through what has to be one of the mo…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/02/22 11:40 AM
3

Whenever I see you post, I play “natty or juice?”. This cogent prose seems like the former.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/02/22 08:36 AM
1

I went through mission a few weeks ago and tried to lay it all out. https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/rvpll4/own_your_shit_weekly_january_04_2022/hr7fnt9/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3 It has definitely helped to have mission as a North Star. Leaving a relationship that had been my life is disorienting. Without focusing on myself and mission there would have been a vacuum and fuck only knows what I would have filled it with. Any regrets about the di…
/r/MarriedRedPill31/01/22 03:23 AM
1

Those are all areas in which I’m trying to calibrate. And by calibrate, it’s really what you said, which is to focus on the aspect I’ve been neglecting. Usually that means I’ll swing the pendulum too hard and need to correct from the other side. But that’s okay. I’ve noticed that as I jump from side to side correcting the pendulum it never swings quite as far as it did last time. I guess that’s what we call learning. Overall though, I definitely have predilections and it’s usually lopsided. I te…
/r/MarriedRedPill31/01/22 03:05 AM
1

/u/_the_improving_man
/r/MarriedRedPill28/01/22 11:20 PM
1

WISNIFG is about how we get trained and how we can untrain ourselves. I don’t know if you’ve read it because your reading isn’t listed. And neither are your stats.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/01/22 11:24 PM
2

The term drunk captain has very little to do with alcohol.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/01/22 11:17 PM
40

OYS 54 33M/32F no kids. Divorcing after 10 years. 5’11” 184 10% BF Navy. Basics Lifting. GSLP AMRAPs: Deadlift 270x7, Squat 240x7, Bench 215x5. Diet. IIFYM cut. OMAD with 1800 calorie target. Sidebar complete. Reading NMMNG . No porn 220 days. Spiritual. Listened to four+ talks this week. Game. Working through Mastering the Game by Neil Strauss. Divorce The house is sold. Working on dividing vehicles and paying off loans and dividing accounts this week. I’ve been busy this week and haven’t put m…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/01/22 01:32 AM
1

All it took was a little change of scenery to find more nice guy habits.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/01/22 02:47 PM
1

Yeah. It could be that I need to demonstrate to myself that I can set and hold boundaries so that I’ll not worry about opening up. Good point.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/01/22 02:46 PM
2

One way to assess your priorities is a time audit. Keep track of your time this week. By next OYS you will have a picture where you devote your time. That tells you what your priorities are.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/01/22 01:59 PM
2

Some of the issue is I am assuming my attention and affection has value so taking that away does something, I don’t think those assumptions are accurate. You’re letting someone else decide if your attention and affection has value, and humbly accepting their judgement. There is a book about that. Do you value your own attention and affection? The whole tone of your post is that you don’t. It’s quite negative. You’re just beating yourself up the whole time. The answer isn’t positive thinking or a…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/01/22 01:22 AM
5

OYS 53 33M/32F no kids. Divorcing after 10 years. 5’11” 185 10% BF Navy. Basics Lifting. GSLP AMRAPs: Deadlift 270x6, Squat 240x7, Bench 215x5. Diet. IIFYM cut. OMAD with 1800 calorie target. Sidebar complete. Reading Tao Te Ching . No porn 213 days. Spiritual. Listened to four+ talks this week. Game. Working through Mastering the Game by Neil Strauss. Busy week. Closing on the house in a couple of days, so I’m finishing up all the last minute stuff for the sale and move. Big milestone. Frame I …
/r/MarriedRedPill19/01/22 01:14 AM
3

I earn this with what I do If you earn something and then don’t get it, I assume you’d be pissed. This sounds like a covert contract.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/01/22 11:05 PM
1

There are a few different ways to look at this. One is that your ex is making you angry and sad. But that is putting your mental point of origin outside yourself and letting someone else dictate how you feel. Another way to look at this is that you don't miss your ex. You miss what she represents. I.e. relationship, familiarity, pussy, cooking, whatever value she had to you. That's what you miss. And of course you realize that there are millions of women that could provide exactly the same thing…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/01/22 01:55 AM
1

Wrong week
/r/MarriedRedPill11/01/22 06:26 PM
1

Someone on here told me that everything you want is on the other side of fear. Seems like that applies to your mission. I’ve noticed the same thing; once you get past the fear, it seems laughable, if you can even remember what the fear was. It’s a complete mirage.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/01/22 05:31 PM
1

Good FO add value before the decision, but it’s your job as the captain to get the input up front. Think of Star Trek. Picard always says “Options, number two”. He’s using his first officer. This is what you can do. But also know that you are never delegating the responsibility of the final decision; that’s yours, and the consequences are yours to own, solely.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/01/22 05:16 PM
4

OYS 52 33M/32F no kids. Divorcing after 10 years. 5’11” 185 11% BF Navy. Basics Lifting. GSLP AMRAPs: Deadlift 270x5, Squat 240x6, Bench 215x5. Diet. IIFYM cut. OMAD with 1800 calorie target. Sidebar complete. Reading WOTSM. No porn 206 days. Spiritual. Listened to four+ talks this week. Game. Working through Mastering the Game by Neil Strauss. 52 I spent some time this week thinking through whether I should end it here. I’ve completed a full year of posts, and haven’t missed a week, with the ex…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/01/22 04:59 PM
5

OYS 51 33M/32F no kids. Divorcing after 10 years. 5’11” 186 12% BF Navy. Basics Lifting. GSLP AMRAPs: Deadlift 270x5, Squat 240x6, Bench 215x5. Diet. IIFYM cut. OMAD with 1800 calorie target. Sidebar complete. Reading Iron John. No porn 199 days. Spiritual. Listened to four+ talks this week. See below. Game. Working through Mastering the Game by Neil Strauss. Mission I talked about mission last week in broad terms and Zen suggested I break it down more. Vision is enlightenment with self actualiz…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/01/22 12:36 PM
1

My cup runneth over Another quote that came to mind when reading your comment. Give and it shall be given unto you; pressed down, shaken together, and running over. I've never read that verse without a covert contract mindset; obviously I saw it through a give to get lens. I think that was the wrong way to understand it. It's almost like giving joy just makes room for more joy than was there before. I have more by giving it away, by clearing out space for more than ever to come in. But the impor…
/r/MarriedRedPill31/12/21 02:30 PM
1

Even if progress in the absolute sense has been slow- yeah, you should probably be farther along in three years- you can still take pride in the fact that you made progress. Progress is proportional to the effort you put in. If you want more progress, put in more effort. Leading by example is not the only way to lead. Have you made your expectations explicit? Are there consequences if your expectations aren’t followed? What shape is the container? Edits for English
/r/MarriedRedPill30/12/21 09:52 PM
3

I’m the prize… because simply everyone says so.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/12/21 01:54 PM
1

I can’t tell you how long it will take. No one can. I’ve been through similar plateaus where it feels like there is no progress. W&S told me that it’s hard to make progress when you’re walking in circles looking for progress. Just do the work. Don’t worry about the outcomes. That’s not in your control.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/12/21 11:34 PM
3

the impossibility of sex for validation in that situation… Nope. The need for validation comes from you. Doesn’t depend on the woman. no idea how to tackle that one. Agree and Amplify. It’s amusing that the frame issue with women is so ingrained that you get amused mastery from an imaginary woman in your dreams. thinking of my ex makes me angry and sad. Your ex isn’t what is making you angry and sad. Keep acting from my own mental point of origin. Maybe start acting from there. I didn’t see much…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/12/21 07:19 PM
3

Cool. Now apply all those mindsets (especially the wheel of happiness domination, whatever that is) to fucking your wife. How does that change your initiations? And the answer won’t involve spreadsheets.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/12/21 07:09 PM
2

You wrote a giant paragraph about initiating when you want sex. Then two short sentences about “initiating” for jobs that you want. Do you see how these two things are exactly the same? In both circumstances you are going after something you want. But in looking for jobs, you seem very level headed and factual. You would probably benefit from applying your job hunting mindset to your initiations.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/12/21 05:29 PM
5

OYS 50 33M/32F no kids. Divorcing after 10 years. 5’11” 187 12% BF Navy. Basics Lifting. GSLP AMRAPs: Deadlift 270x5, Squat 240x6, Bench 210x9. Diet. IIFYM cut. OMAD with 1800 calorie target. Sidebar complete. Reading Day Bang. No porn 192 days. Spiritual. Listened to four+ talks this week. Game. Working through Mastering the Game by Neil Strauss. Mission and Sacrifice Zen suggested last week that I talk about vision and mission. My vision is spiritual enlightenment and my mission is self actual…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/12/21 04:38 PM
5

Every so often I get a comment that shakes up what I thought I knew and makes my mind feel like a snow globe, and this is one of those. All I can say is that it’s going to take a lot of reflection to integrate this. Thank you.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/12/21 05:55 PM
3

Thank you for the constant prodding throughout the year. Every time you’ve said something like this, I realize something as a result, and I think I finally get it. And then later, you prod me again on the same thing, and I realize there is more to learn. It just keeps unfolding. That’s why I only mentioned one bar snapping in the post… at this point I’m sure there are more ways in which I’m limiting myself, and I just haven’t found them yet. Maybe there will always be more bars to snap, and mayb…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/12/21 05:24 PM
1

Lol. Always be prepared for me to ramble.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/12/21 05:11 PM
1

I remember this well. It’s instructive. Much more comprehensive than the usual mission I see on here, and more believable. I can actually see you being fulfilled living this life. It’s not a check in the box for you.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/12/21 04:46 PM
1

Lifting is going to become a covert contract for you.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/12/21 04:14 PM
2

You’re right, I have, and I just didn’t know it. I guess I had to go on a journey to realize the journey wasn’t necessary. But now I know, and that’s what matters.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/12/21 02:49 PM
1

Thank you for this challenge. I think you’re right, articulating mission would make a good OYS. I’ll focus on this for the coming week. As for the question of how a woman would serve my mission, I don’t think one would. Many might, but not one. Or at least that’s where my head is at right now. And again, I appreciate your repetition with the article. Sometimes (often) I need to hear something more than once before it sinks in.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/12/21 02:45 PM
2

Thanks for reorienting me. I think you’re saying there is a next level to this and I’m not there. That’s true. If I remember correctly it was W&S that said when you truly have frame, everything outside your frame becomes entertaining or irrelevant. So the reactions I described (if I had that kind of frame) wouldn’t have even registered and I wouldn’t be writing about them in the first place. So yes I’ve got a ways to go. To be honest I’ve never been able to get what the “your feelings are bad an…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/12/21 09:05 PM
1

How was 75 Hard? I’ve been looking at this. Do you notice any mental improvement as a result?
/r/MarriedRedPill21/12/21 01:07 PM
19

OYS 49 33M/32F no kids. Divorcing after 10 years. 5’11” 187 12% BF Navy. Basics Lifting. GSLP AMRAPs: Deadlift 270x5, Squat 240x6, Bench 210x9. Diet. IIFYM cut. OMAD with 1800 calorie target. I’ll do a week at mx calories from Christmas to New Years to psychologically reset and enjoy a little. Sidebar complete. Reading Stoics. No porn 185 days. Spiritual. Listened to four+ talks this week. Game. Started working through Mastering the Game by Neil Strauss. I’m a couple of days in. Passage I went b…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/12/21 12:56 PM
3

Are you really being unselfish when you do something for someone else? In the example you gave in OYS, it made you happy to make your wife happy, so you let her buy appliances. If making your wife happy made you sad, would you keep doing things to make her happy? I'm guessing the answer is no. So the point here is that it's not actually her happiness that's important to you here, it's yours. So, even when you're making her happy, you're being selfish. And I'm not saying that's bad. It's about sc…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/12/21 03:37 AM
1

I'm not implying that your brain doesn't differ in a physically measurable way that meaningfully influences social interaction. What I am saying is don't let this fact be a reason to let other people be your judge. I realize that this is very difficult. Maybe you'll always feel like everyone else is better at social stuff than you. But this doesn't mean that they get to be your judge.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/12/21 03:34 AM
2

I still have the dancing monkey ready to do backflips whenever I sense someone is pulling away or I’ve made some kind of social misstep. Building on UM33’s point of what good does it do to label… this may be where it’s actually harming you to label. You say you are/have hfa. Fine. It seems that this has convinced you that whenever there is social tension, you are in the wrong, because you probably misread someone or whatever. The tie goes to the neurotypical. I don’t think this is helpful for yo…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/12/21 10:35 PM
2

I’m writing out some thoughts on this and will put it OYS next week. It’s been a shift in the way I see things and I want to make sure I capture it all.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/12/21 06:42 PM
2

You’ve linked that article several times, and I’ve read it every time, and this is the first time it clicked in my head. I think seeing the claws come out when I left my wife, and getting exactly the reaction described in the article, made this suddenly very real to me.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/12/21 12:11 AM
2

You’re behind on work, lifts, reading. The booster shot action seems a little like a check in the box. The post is a day late. I understand life getting in the way on occasion. But it’s times like that when you show yourself what your priorities really are. All those actions I listed above are to make you better. By letting them slide you’re telling yourself that you’re not your own priority.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/12/21 12:53 PM
3

Your mission is to be a joy to be around. That’s focused on others perception of you. Why not just make it you mission to have joy? That’s all about you. It would also probably make you a joy to be around as a side effect.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/12/21 12:32 AM
2

Thank you for the reminder. And it brings to mind the Glover question at the end of NMMNG of “what if it was a gift?”. I can certainly see it that way.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/12/21 11:17 PM
1

You’ve read trm. I think it talks about a five stages of disillusionment type of process. Does that sound familiar? It seems very much like what you’re going through. Maybe give that another read.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/12/21 12:50 AM
1

Life is happening to you. You’re just going through the motions.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/12/21 12:07 AM
2

You seem to be angry at women for not being what you thought they were, or for not being what you think they should be. men have to perform to get women No. Men have the burden of performance. But performing for women is dancing monkey. Two different things.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/12/21 11:45 PM
1

Someone had to tell me the same thing once upon a time. Pass it on.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/12/21 07:50 PM
2

Thank you for writing about the thought process with the belt. When you look at the belt, you don’t see a status symbol, you see the years of grinding. Looking at the belt is just a way to relive and relish victory over challenge. I’ve started to see physique this way. It’s meaningless in itself but it’s a reminder of all the days I showed up lifted. Every time I see a mirror now I remember those days and I’m proud that I did that.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/12/21 06:36 PM
6

I’m glad it was useful to you. And what you wrote was really useful to me. I grew up poor. One of my earlier memories is asking my mom for a raise on my allowance. I made 25 cents per week for doing chores and I wanted more. When I asked, I got the reaction you described- panic, anger, guilt. They couldn’t afford more than a quarter. I felt so ashamed for asking and tried to never put them in that situation again. The making of a nice guy. I haven’t thought of that in years and never realized ho…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/12/21 06:12 PM
2

I wrote about filters as well this week. I’m finding it’s useful to remove mine. There is probably no right answer here, and maybe there are better approaches for different stages of development, but here’s my thought process. I see mrp and red pill not as a bunch of beliefs that you need to bolt on to your existing mental infrastructure, but more as razors to strip away the shitty beliefs we’ve accumulated throughout our lives. In a way, red pill returns us to the natural state of men, encumber…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/12/21 05:47 PM
1

Start small. Figure out what you want in the smallest things first, and then do those things. Move onto figuring out what you want in the bigger things in life. Then mission is really the last thing to find out, what do you want to do with your life itself. It’s something to work up to. If you don’t know now, just bookmark it mentally and work on figuring out what you want in the smallest things first.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/12/21 04:34 PM
1

OYS 48 33M/32F no kids. Divorcing after 10 years. 5’11” 187 13% BF Navy. Divorce is in progress. It looks like all the negotiations are complete and we may sign the initial set this week. House is in the sale process. Basics Lifting. GSLP AMRAPs: Deadlift 260x9, Squat 240x6, Bench 210x8. Diet. IIFYM cut. I've switched over to an OMAD diet with no fast days, 1800 calorie per day target for cutting. It's easier right now to not have the added stress of fast days. Also, in some ways, eating the sam…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/12/21 04:21 PM
1

You’re right, on all of this. I’m not having fun, I’m pessimistic, and I’m not assuming the sale. I need to spend some time thinking about why this is but a couple of things come to mind. I’ve read dating essentials for men a couple of times and it talks about getting to rejection quickly. Like rejection is the goal of the interaction. That may have seeped into my mindset and I may have taken it as rejection is inevitable. That’s not true. Another is that I’m almost thinking of starting over in …
/r/MarriedRedPill12/12/21 08:15 PM
1

You seem to have some IDGAF going on. With the wife, the friend. That’s good.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/12/21 08:02 PM
2

I’m suggesting the BFA in a group setting specifically because it is daunting. Think of it like this. You get more personal growth out of posting an OYS versus writing exactly the same thing and never posting it publicly. It’s a win against your ego to post it for other people to read. Same with BFA. Plus, you can get feedback on your blind spots, and you get to find out you aren’t special. It’s a relief not to be special, overall, because with that realization, you know that other guys have fac…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/12/21 06:34 PM
1

Let’s say I throw you out of an airplane right now. On the way down, before you die, what is the one thing you going to regret not having done with your life?
/r/MarriedRedPill10/12/21 01:42 AM
1

That’s a good list. I’m guessing most of those are just symptoms of being a nice guy. Instead of focusing on the BFA, really do them. Consider writing out your results here. There is also a NNMNG Reddit. Really examine yourself. You say sex isn’t even on the radar, yet you’re reading SGM. I would guess that’s just making you resentful. Maybe spend that time on breaking free activities instead.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/12/21 01:23 AM
2

https://discord.gg/q7WJyZF8 NMMNG group doing BFAs on discord.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/12/21 01:14 AM
2

And it will continue to do so until you wake up and realize you’re creating that life.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/12/21 12:18 AM
4

When you say you’re receiving better sex, it sounds like you’re getting fucked in the ass and liking it.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/12/21 10:58 PM
2

Thanks. I hadn’t watched him before. That gives me something to emulate.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/12/21 01:52 AM
1

Thanks man. I can’t wait. It’s going to be great.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/12/21 01:41 PM
2

This whole post is about sex. Do you have a mission? This reads like sex is your mission in life. I can’t improve on what EDHN said, but I’ll ask what is your plan to become self validating?
/r/MarriedRedPill08/12/21 08:33 AM
1

The “perfect is boring” reminder helps, thank you. And OI is a problem, yes. So the usual prescription is abundance. The thinking goes something like this- the outcome of any given interaction doesn’t matter, because over a sufficiently large number of interactions, one will eventually yield the desired result. I guess the problem here is that abundance is almost working against me. I do believe there are an abundance of women out there. But at the same time I believe that every single interacti…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/12/21 08:10 AM
2

You’re right, volume is the best approach to approach. I’m not going to wait on the other things to keep doing it, they will just augment my skill set.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/12/21 07:53 AM
1

Yes. Attraction is not a choice. But being attractive is.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/12/21 12:40 AM
3

You’ve realized you aren’t who you want to be. You’re also feeling slightly depressed. I say this as someone who spends way too much time thinking- maybe stop thinking about why you’re depressed. Try this instead: lift heavy things, bang your wife, follow your mission. Repeat for a few months. Become who you want to be. Then after that, what do you think the chances are that you’ll still be depressed? Your body is giving you a gift. It’s telling you that something is wrong with the way you’re li…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/12/21 11:59 PM
1

You find yourself unmotivated on meditation. What is your goal? Why are you doing it?
/r/MarriedRedPill07/12/21 11:43 PM
2

This is a very good summary. I went through the same grieving process over relationship decisions and all the years that cost me. I came here with anger directed outwards, and learned that I was really the only one to blame, and then the anger turned inwards. At that point, it’s about learning to forgive yourself. The point I had to reach was acknowledging that the guy that made the decision to get married was doing the best he could with the skills and knowledge he had. When I honestly came to …
/r/MarriedRedPill07/12/21 11:38 PM
1

Relationship: 0/3 successful initiations. I haven't noticed any anger or frustration resulting from this. Focusing on stfu. I setup a lunch date with the wife. Had a good time. I’m curious as to why you aren’t frustrated after a week of not fucking your wife. Is the lunch date a covert contract? Something along the lines of well, if initiations aren’t working, maybe I have to buy her food first.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/12/21 11:28 PM
1

She’s begun moving her stuff out of the house. Papers are being iterated. I’m guessing three months from here but it’s not clear.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/12/21 11:18 PM
1

Ha. Maybe I need to read the idiots guide to tripping next.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/12/21 11:16 PM
1

The common denominators between the wife and daughter are not only genes but also your leadership. To think that they behave a certain way and it’s inevitable is to be a victim. To see their behavior as a response to you is to be a leader. What is it about you that is causing what you don’t like about them?
/r/MarriedRedPill07/12/21 11:06 PM
3

Good realization about validation. When you realize that this place isn’t actually about the sex, your eyes open to the fact that you can change everything about your life with these principles.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/12/21 10:59 PM
7

OYS 47 33M/32F no kids. Divorcing after 10 years. 5’11” 188 13% BF Navy. Divorce is in progress, no major updates. Alimony and asset division details are being hashed out. Basics Lifting. GSLP AMRAPs: Deadlift 260x8, Squat 240x6, Bench 210x8. Diet. 5/2 cut. Sidebar complete. Rereading WISNIFG. No porn 171 days. Spiritual. Listened to four+ talks this week. Game. What I’m working on right now is sustaining conversation. I tend to bog down in the beginning stages of an interaction after an opener.…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/12/21 07:58 PM
1

I don’t want a paper trail right now. I won’t deny there are nerves as well. I’ll continue working on the latter through approach until the everything legal is complete.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/12/21 01:43 AM
3

Thank you, that helps. I hadn’t right off bringing the bsg into this as a tool but it’s useful here. It’s also good to know that the answer never changes no matter how high you go. It’s always discipline. I understand what you mean by not being alone in being alone. I’m not special, everyone who climbs higher will have the experience of being more alone. And I think making the jumps to operating at higher levels will always require irrational confidence. But the more times you’ve made that jump,…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/12/21 02:06 PM
1

No, I haven’t verified, and that’s one of the mistakes I was trying to point to in the past. I’ve always used negative motivation, and so had no real examples of positive motivation working. But that lack of examples wasn’t from failure, it was from not testing it at all. And yes, I’m no longer satisfied with the tradeoff of making progress through negative means. I heard someone from AA put it this way. At first, people stop drinking because it’s destroying them and they hate what it’s doing. E…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/12/21 01:56 PM
1

Yeah. I think motivation is a very poor substitute for discipline.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/12/21 01:50 PM
1

I fully plan to use this when everything is official.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/12/21 01:49 PM
1

It's not about motivation. It's about self image. That is what I'm trying to dig out of my mind. My post was long and rambling; I did a shit job communicating. I'll try to clarify. When I'm disciplined, I make progress; when I make progress, I’m proud of it. I’m the shit. And that's when this alter ego kicks in, the negative self image that I can't shake. I feel like two different people, and the cognitive dissonance of that has so far been stronger than I am. I haven't been strong enough yet to…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/12/21 01:03 PM
5

OYS 46 33M/32F no kids. Divorcing after 10 years. 5’11” 189 13% BF Navy. Divorce is in progress, no major updates. Alimony and asset division details are being hashed out. Basics Lifting. GSLP AMRAPs: Deadlift 260x7, Squat 240x5, Bench 210x8. Diet. 5/2 cut. Sidebar complete. Rereading WISNIFG. No porn 164 days. Spiritual. Listened to four+ talks this week. Game. Restarted approaches. It’s a different feel now that it’s serious. It’s no longer just to break oneitis and scarcity. This mindset swit…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/11/21 04:54 PM
1

That might work. It also might not. She’s not used to making any financial or, frankly, life decisions. Life has been very simple up until now. Forcing her hand is going to lead to a meltdown. I’m playing this by ear, honestly. It could turn out that you’re right and I should have pushed harder, but I don’t think it’s going to give me the best outcome in the long run.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/11/21 11:32 PM
1

I didn’t have the foresight to include that in the papers. In hindsight that would have been a good way to guide the hamster to the preferred exit in the maze. I’m very aware of my own hamster. Really I’m learning that this whole thing has just been me battling my own fear. That’s mostly gone now but I can’t take it for granted that it won’t find other ways to manifest. Thanks for the reminder
/r/MarriedRedPill24/11/21 09:16 PM
3

The regret that I was referring to was more of a “if I had to do it over again…” type of question. Seeing my high school friends made me wonder if I regret getting married at all. Overall the answer is yes, but like I said, if it hadn’t been for that, I probably wouldn’t have found spirituality and all of you nice people. The point is that the happiness found in self actualization (which people are usually only driven to by misery) is greater than the happiness of a merely comfortable life. Just…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/11/21 12:28 PM
1

Joy is a good word. It’s incredible how much mental bandwidth I was dedicating to this decision. Now that it’s freed up I’m amazed how much easier everything else in life has become.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/11/21 12:21 PM
1

More time means that I don’t like arbitrary deadlines. If I think she is dragging her feet, I’ll give her one. I don’t think that yet.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/11/21 12:07 PM
2

Phone calls mostly. A couple of novel length text messages from the more confrontation averse members of her family. Also in person interactions with members of my family who are very concerned about how this is going to affect my chances of getting past Saint Peter. I have like one friend that is just unreservedly happy about it, everyone else wants to pontificate me over to their way of thinking. Good practice.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/11/21 11:54 AM
1

OYS 45 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 189 13% BF Navy. Basics Lifting. GSLP AMRAPs: Deadlift 260x7, Squat 240x5, Bench 210x8. Diet. 5/2 cut. Sidebar complete. Rereading RM. No porn 157 days. Spiritual. Listened to four+ talks this week. Game. Wife goggles are gone. Progress Hung out with a few friends from high school that I haven’t seen in a while. Life feels like a reset back to earlier days. It feels like starting over, just with more experience. I found myself wondering if I regret…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/11/21 03:00 PM
1

Working on it every day. But one step at a time.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/11/21 02:57 PM
1

I’ll give it more time. I don’t want to finalize this year anyway because taxes. I’d rather do this the easy way even if it takes a little longer.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/11/21 02:56 PM
4

OYS 44 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 190 14% BF Navy. Basics Lifting. GSLP AMRAPs: Deadlift 260x6, Squat 240x5, Bench 210x7. Diet. 5/2 cut. Sidebar complete. Rereading NMMNG. No porn 150 days. Spiritual. Listened to four+ talks this week. Game. Had a few longer interactions at gatherings this week. This plays more to my strengths than cold approach, and I’m able to make connections with time and social cover. But the difficulty of cold approach is the reason I do it; it’s not about th…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/11/21 08:20 PM
1

benevolent Why did you choose this word?
/r/MarriedRedPill10/11/21 04:51 PM
1

Questions: I'm concerned about all my beta reflexes popping up and ruining the "I am the prize" mentality. Any tips on keeping your head in the right place when you talk to girls? I've got all these "I'm going to keep x in mind" items in this OYS. What's worked for you guys for actually keeping them in mind once the shit starts flying? If the mindsets we talk about here become your authentic self, and your frame develops, you won't need to keep anything in mind. You won't need tips to larp alpha…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/11/21 04:31 PM
1

BUT, I’m still 2583 below my weekly TDEE so theoretically I should have still lost over 1.5 lbs, instead I’ve gained a pound. The thumb rule is 3600 calories per pound, so unless I'm misunderstanding you, you should have lost about 3/4 pound. Weight fluctuates, I would evaluate over a longer time frame. Are you weighing daily or weekly? Another way I've found to smooth this is to weigh myself, then put it into the navy body fat calculation, and back out fat mass. That seems quite stable and does…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/11/21 05:48 PM
3

Yeah I fully appreciate how tough it is. What helped me was just buying a course on life purpose. Sounds gay but it really helped me define my values and figure out the one thing that's important to me to accomplish in life. Life purpose is interchangeable with mission in this case.I can pm you the one I used if you want, but there are plenty out there. The hardest part for me was just admitting that I needed help figuring this out. It was an ego thing I guess.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/11/21 05:40 PM
1

I'm saving a significant amount on lawyer fees if she cooperates. I'm past caring what she says.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/11/21 05:23 PM
1

I have two lined up. Planning for the worst.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/11/21 04:33 PM
1

Are you happy with where you're at?
/r/MarriedRedPill09/11/21 03:10 PM
3

It could be that you're too outwardly focused. Lead yourself and you'll find that leading others is a natural progression. I think you're correct in looking at mission, because you have to know where you're leading yourself to. Figure out what you want, and how to get it, and then do that- that's leadership. As far as the weakness goes, I think willpower is strengthened like any other muscle, but it also really helps to have a clear picture of what you're working towards. In other words, not lif…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/11/21 03:05 PM
2

I want to exhaust the possibility of an uncontested divorce before moving to a contested one. I'm willing to go the contested route, but it makes sense to me to try the cheap and easy route first. That being said, it seems like you're picking up on some ambivalence, and you're not wrong. It's not that I don't want it, it's that I can't seem to stop second guessing myself and doubting myself. I know what I want, and I'm going to get it one way or another, but apparently I'm just going to have to …
/r/MarriedRedPill09/11/21 02:24 PM
1

I think we only differ in the stage of learning in which each method would be applied. For a field you're already well versed in, like spirituality, then your slow reading method is best. For a field that I'm still picking low hanging fruit in, like mrp, I think repetition is best. Once the low hanging fruit is gone, I'll be taking your approach. I'm just not at the level you are.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/11/21 02:16 PM
1

Maybe it's the other book- if I'm a good person, I'll have a smooth, problem free divorce. I don't think this is it exactly, because we are operating on overt contracts at this point, but I didn't realize that my going above and beyond to be Nice could be a covert contract. I'll watch my behavior to make sure this isn't it.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/11/21 02:14 PM
2

OYS 43 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 190 14% BF Navy. Basics Lifting. GSLP AMRAPs: Deadlift 260x5, Squat 240x5, Bench 210x7. Diet. 5/2 cut. Sidebar complete. Rereading tiny habits. No porn 143 days. Spiritual. Listened to four+ talks this week. Game. No focused sessions but I got good practice on a few chance encounters. Progress The last of the agreed upon counseling sessions is next week. If she doesn’t sign after that, I’m moving out. The goal is a mutual dissolution (no fault). If…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/11/21 01:25 PM
2

I miss your old flair. How about "anal on 2nd rule 9"?
/r/MarriedRedPill04/11/21 01:49 PM
2

An amicable no fault divorce is not entirely in my control. Both parties have to sign willingly. I can influence this but not directly control it. Unless I'm completely misunderstanding the process.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/11/21 01:48 PM
1

This is the approach that works for me. I read quickly and have good comprehension, and I've found that the limiting factor in reading books is not intellect but experience. The central idea here is that books change you. I've noticed that I can reread a book that I read a few years ago, and it's like I'm reading a new book; not because I don't remember the first read, but because I've changed since then. I can understand things now that I couldn't have before, no matter how carefully I read the…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/11/21 01:39 PM
1

The informal agreement was that we do counseling, and if doesn't work, she would sign. Obviously there is a lot of honor system in that agreement and it's not legally binding. If that fails, next step is I move out, and I think that would be sufficient, because that is a huge pressure point. The family is engaged.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/11/21 01:18 PM
0

OYS 43 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 191 14% BF Navy. Basics Lifting. GSLP AMRAPs: Deadlift 260x5, Squat 230x9, Bench 210x7. Deadlift was the only gain this week. Cutting is the priority right now so I’m willing to put up with slow progress on lifts for now. Coincidentally with RJ article this week, I tweaked my left rotator cuff diving for a ball, and it’s not affecting any lifts so far but it’s there. I’m making sure everything is slow and controlled and it should be fine. Diet. 5/2…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/11/21 10:35 AM
2

You don't like your job and your solution is to leave. You don't like the marriage and your solution is to leave. You seem very outwardly focused. You'd rather change situations rather than change yourself. I haven't been reporting any OYS because there has been nothing to report. A static situation doesn't mean there is nothing to report. OYS is about your mindsets, not your situation. I'm feeling things when I was numb before. Lifting isn't purging me of emotions anymore unless I do it for 3-4…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/10/21 12:26 PM
1

Yeah, I think you're right. I got gun shy. It wasn't intentional but in retrospect that explains this post well. My thoughts aren't terribly clear to me right now either, and I think that's coming through as well. I'm trying to sift through them and clarify.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/10/21 12:09 PM
1

I wanted to get a signature at the first conversation. In that sense I failed, and I think if my frame was stronger I could have made it happen. So I'm using this to learn where my frame has flaws and I'm fixing them. The divorce is still in progress, just not as quick as I would like.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/10/21 12:01 PM
2

I prefer it to a constant calorie deficit. It's not that difficult to just not eat for a day twice a week, and eating days are slightly above tdee.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/10/21 05:20 PM
1

OYS 42 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 191 15% BF Navy. Basics Lifting. GSLP AMRAPs: Deadlift 250x9, Squat 230x9, Bench 210x7. Diet. 5/2 cut. Sidebar complete. Rereading sidebar. No porn 136 days. Spiritual. Listened to four+ talks this week. Game. No approaches this week. Lessons I’ve learned some lessons from the past couple of weeks. I tried something and failed. So does that mean I was wrong to try? I don't think I was. I would have preferred a different outcome. But I succeeded in …
/r/MarriedRedPill26/10/21 02:54 PM
1

I misunderstood your comment. I've posted the three month delta in OYS.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/10/21 12:44 PM
9

OYS 42 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 192 15% BF Navy. Basics Lifting. GSLP AMRAPs: Deadlift 250x8, Squat 230x8, Bench 210x5. Diet. 5/2 cut. Sidebar complete. Reading personal finance book. No porn 136 days. Spiritual. Listened to four+ talks this week. Game. No approaches this week. Divorce I gave my wife papers last week. It was not well received. The last few days were an emotional tumult. The upshot is that she is refusing to sign anything but she'll reconsider if we try counseling…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/10/21 12:43 PM
1

The self objectivity is a skill I'm still working towards. I think it's one of the most valuable assets I could develop. Thanks for the note on follow through. I did, on schedule. It wasn't pretty and it wasn't fun but my part is done. Ball is her court now.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/10/21 10:51 AM
2

Thanks for giving your gifts on here, to me and others. I've learned an immense amount from you this year.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/10/21 10:45 AM
1

Thanks man. Yes... hopefully.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/10/21 10:41 AM
1

It should sound familiar. You left an excellent template for others to use. Re sidenote, lifts haven't gone up much, but the discipline is there, very consistent. Diet has been ninety percent there, and as it turns out, ninety percent discipline results in nearly zero progress. I'm in a calorie deficit enough of the time to fuck my lifts, and then undo weight loss in a day or two. I'm still losing overall, just not nearly as fast as I would be if I went from ninety to a hundred percent on discip…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/10/21 10:41 AM
6

I can't be specific as her vision is rather niche; just think semi-pro athlete that wants to win the big one some day. When we got married, I was already in the the military, and my vision won every time. Over time, guilt wore me down until I left the military for her; and then to assuage my guilt further I poured everything into her vision. That almost killed me. The takeaway is something that has been said here a thousand times. Never put your woman before your vision.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/10/21 02:23 AM
3

It's done. Thanks for this comment. There were a couple of moments when flashes of anger were very helpful, and all I had to do to summon them was think about what you said. I appreciate the gift.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/10/21 02:14 AM
1

Thanks man. I'm still doing approaches, just not with a metric. As far as intent, I can't say that the drive is there. Sex is plentiful at home and honestly I'm not in a gaming mindset right now; there is just sadness mostly. I'm sure this will change as milestones pass but that's where I'm at right now.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/10/21 11:33 AM
1

Do it every morning, every hour, whatever it takes. I will. I can say that I understand what you said but I don't "get it" yet. I think action is required before I will. Also, I will develop this idea in journaling for a while, as that's usually what it takes for me to actually get it. Thanks as always; I think this area is one of the biggest opportunities for improvement that I have so I'm grateful you pointed it out.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/10/21 11:22 AM
22

OYS 41 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 192 15% BF Navy. Basics Lifting. GSLP AMRAPs: Deadlift 250x8, Squat 230x8, Bench 210x5. Diet. 5/2 cut. Sidebar complete. Read two books on some infrastructure that factors heavily into my vision. No porn 129 days. Spiritual. Listened to four+ talks this week. Game. Little time devoted to this, but still slowly seeing progress in my ability to say what I’m thinking with less and less censoring. Misc It's been a busy week on all fronts and I haven't …
/r/MarriedRedPill12/10/21 11:48 AM
2

It's only growing. The prospect of being on my own has uncorked my brain. I've checked off a couple but I'm mostly just dreaming farther and farther into the future and trying to weave a coherent vision.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/10/21 01:33 AM
1

Yeah I rambled a bit. I think it made more sense in my mind than it did on the page.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/10/21 12:53 PM
2

Yes. This is a really good way to think about it... But just as one could symbolize the way of nature as water, one could also symbolize the way of nature by fire. A forest fire is a part of nature. If I happened to be caught in one, would acting according to my nature mean succumbing to it? No. It would mean fighting it. Because fighting that fire is part of me, it's in my nature to fight to stay alive. Not changing a situation often means resisting my own nature... so I'm not being "neutral" b…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/10/21 12:51 PM
1

why not accept yourself I guess the answer is that I don't know how because I've never operated that way. I've been thinking about this since you wrote it; I always come back to the idea that if I just let go of the standards that I hold myself to (I think letting go would be required to accept myself?) then how would anything ever get done? Maybe I just don't understand how this would work in practice. Like I said, this isn't how I think. I guess the root problem in my mind may be that acceptin…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/10/21 12:40 PM
2

Yes, that's the game plan. To be clear, yes, you do connect the dots yourself, but that happens along the way, down the road. You don't have to understand now how it is all going to work out in the future. You'll find out. Don't worry about it. Just work the game plan you have there.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/10/21 08:35 PM
2

OYS 40 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 193 15% BF Navy. Basics Lifting. GSLP AMRAPs: Deadlift 250x8, Squat 230x8, Bench 210x5. Diet. 5/2 cut. Sidebar complete. Reading divorce sidebar. No porn 122 days. Life purpose. Working course, 55% complete. On hold. Spiritual. Listened to four talks this week. Game. Working on comment openers. Misc I'm working on re-framing fear. I heard somewhere that fear is a compass, and if you want to know what you should be doing in life, all you have to do …
/r/MarriedRedPill05/10/21 12:37 PM
4

It seems like you don't know why you're insecure. I would guess it's because you're looking for security from other people. You don't believe you're desirable because your wife isn't as into sex as you are. You think that if she just wanted sex more, you would feel more desirable. It's an odd but necessary switch to go from "I know I'm desirable because she desires me" to "I know I'm desirable". The latter mindset comes from an unshakable conviction of an objective fact. This is frame. The forme…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/09/21 12:04 PM
1

Interesting take. I would agree with this. Alpha on the outside, soft AF on the inside. It’s gotten me hurt a lot more than it’s helped me. I’m taking the pill literally as a means of protecting myself from being hurt. It’s defensive for me still Fear leads to anger. She doesn't know it's fear, probably just sees the anger.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/09/21 11:19 PM
1

It's almost like there wasn't a spoon. Ha, yeah, shit hits the fan tests. Good frame check.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/09/21 04:20 PM
2

I’ve enjoyed seeing how I’ve changed since coming here and it’s so tempting to relax into that. This seems like the same mindset you were battling with weight loss. Did you learn anything there that you can apply here?
/r/MarriedRedPill28/09/21 04:17 PM
4

I would be paying about $20k extra in taxes to finalize like two weeks faster. We have some extra Schedule X stuff on top of MFJ which will all go away when the papers are signed. Filing status on Dec 31st is what matters. Some small stuff will get crossed off, yes. But it's really setting down the vision that stretches over a lifetime. No way I'm waiting another year to start.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/09/21 04:14 PM
3

That's great man. Congrats.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/09/21 01:23 PM
10

OYS 39 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 193 15% BF Navy. Basics Lifting. GSLP AMRAPs: Deadlift 250x8, Squat 230x8, Bench 210x5. Diet. Keto. Sidebar complete. Reading divorce sidebar. No porn 115 days. Life purpose. Working course, 55% complete. I’m putting this on hold until the divorce goes through. Spiritual. Listened to four talks this week. Game. This is improving. I’ve noticed I’m better at small talk in the evening for whatever reason so that’s when I’ll schedule practice. Divorce …
/r/MarriedRedPill28/09/21 12:42 PM
3

The ones near the beginning that forced me to realize how deeply entrenched I was in the nice guy way of thinking were very valuable. It was like the step one of AA, admit you have a problem. I wanted to think I was special and that nice guy didn't apply to me, but it was a humbling and necessary exercise to see just how perfectly I fit the description. The denial is even part of the description. So just do them all, you never know which one will hit you where you need it. Also, it's more effect…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/09/21 12:39 PM
2

I asked because I wanted to see if you could explain it simply, which would show you understand what you're doing. Your answer sounds a little like you're reading off the sales pitch and I can't tell if you understand how this could go sideways on you. Maybe spend a week reading critiques of this method, rather than the success stores from promoters. I'm not sure this is something I'd recommend to someone who is trying to become more well-versed in investing. If you just want to learn investing,…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/09/21 12:25 PM
2

I'm not implying that you would have done this consciously. It's just that whenever there is anger, I always found it valuable to work backwards from there and see what mental models caused anger, rather than just saying I need more self control. Usually I found cc or blaming or something that caused the anger. I think it was MITW that said anger is your most useful diagnostic tool. Use the anger to troubleshoot yourself. Or maybe you were just horny and frustrated. Just something to look at.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/09/21 12:11 PM
2

especially liked the last chapter of NMMNG - there will be a lot of thinking and implementing to do here. Have you done the BFA's?
/r/MarriedRedPill24/09/21 11:09 AM
2

Thanks for the link, that's definitely my weekend reading. My advice is to now channel your inner dark side That's good advice. I honestly can't find a shred of anger left. I've put so much effort into internalizing that it's all my fault that now I can't blame her or be angry for anything. This would almost be easier if I could. This all feels very cold blooded. I don't know, maybe that means I am channeling the dark side now.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/09/21 01:51 PM
1

It's not pointed at you, I'm just relating my thought process, but I hope it helps.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/09/21 10:04 PM
2

Thanks!
/r/MarriedRedPill22/09/21 12:30 PM
3

Likewise This changed for me when I saw that the only reason I was staying was fear. Fear is not the right reason to be married, but every reason I had ultimately traced back to fear. I thought I could think the fear away. I gave up eventually and decided that if it was worth doing, it was worth doing it scared. You've said this before, is there anything else that's holding you back at that point or is it full speed ahead? The last thing that was holding me back was the idea that I had to win. I…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/09/21 12:25 PM
2

Thanks for the pokes.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/09/21 06:59 PM
3

Hot women I did not know were making a point to come talk to me, dance with me, etc. and my wife was all over me with doey eyes. When we got home, I initiated and faced LMR. I then regretfully made the comment... Covert contract? If other women pay attention to me, my wife will fuck me? Dread level eight? Nice guys get angry when women don't uphold their end of a covert contract.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/09/21 06:43 PM
1

I have a long drive later today and I will reflect on this, and select a book to work on next. Audiobooks
/r/MarriedRedPill21/09/21 06:01 PM
1

On that note, I’m trying to become more well-versed in investing. I love the “quadfecta” portfolio idea pushed on r/qyldgang so I’ll be building this portfolio over the next 4-5 years so I can have a consistent passive income stream. Can you explain in simple terms how this works?
/r/MarriedRedPill21/09/21 03:23 PM
1

This is completely my decision, yes. You didn't influence me either way. I'm coming to this conclusion on my own.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/09/21 02:23 PM
1

Which means I am not accepting the fact that I can be viewed by other people as a better person that I feel I am - so I'm obviously not valuing myself enough. External mental point of origin.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/09/21 01:44 PM
1

sleep quality I've gotten a lot of value out of sleep trackers; both a free app (sleep cycle) and a wearable (oura ring). Both are objective. I can't fool myself into thinking I can cut corners on sleep when there is data staring me in the face. They don't lie in the same way that iron doesn't lie. but I fool myself I have too much going on for it to happen. Is this like I have too much game of thrones to catch up on or actual work?
/r/MarriedRedPill21/09/21 01:28 PM
7

OYS 38 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 194 15% BF Navy. Basics Lifting. GSLP AMRAPs: Deadlift 250x8, Squat 230x8, Bench 210x5. Diet. Using keto for cut phase. Sidebar complete. Rereading sidebar for posts on OI and frame. No porn 108 days. Life purpose. Working course, 55% complete. Spiritual. Listened to four talks this week. Game. Went out three days this week to practice. Step 6: See the Code This is the last step of the career beta post. It's saying "you know what to do, now go do i…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/09/21 12:57 PM
1

You're right. This is stupid. It's just fear. I called my lawyer and made an appointment.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/09/21 12:49 PM
1

I see it now. Thank you.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/09/21 05:44 PM
1

Focusing on outcomes is a red pill mindset I think I know what you mean by this, but I'm having trouble reconciling it with OI. How do you have OI and still focus on outcomes?
/r/MarriedRedPill18/09/21 12:40 PM
1

Ah. I was ambiguous. Yes I meant look inside myself, not necessarily fuck other people. Producing fun around other people smells like dancing monkey to some extent, or maybe a covert contract- if I'm fun you'll like me. I probably just haven't grasped the way to do this congruently yet. What mindset do you use here?
/r/MarriedRedPill18/09/21 12:54 AM
1

Why is that? I don't get it. I spend the last decade thinking that if I could fuck my wife when and how I wanted, I would be happy. And then it happened, and I'm still not happy. I was wrong, and now I know to look somewhere else.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/09/21 02:28 PM
1

I fucked up. I said I didn't care about her, I'm done, and if she wants to leave the door is that way. But if that's true, and I don't care if she leaves, why would I have any hesitation to leave? It's because I had a covert contract that says If I'm cold and uncaring enough, she will kill the puppy for me, and I won't have any blood on my hands. Instead of being a man and making a decision, I tried to manipulate her into making it for me. Complete lack of frame, no leadership, no ownership. She…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/09/21 02:27 PM
1

OYS 37 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 194 15% BF Navy. Basics Lifting. GSLP AMRAPs: Deadlift 250x8, Squat 230x8, Bench 210x5. Diet. IIFYM, mx phase. I noticed a lot more energy a few days this week, I assume from actually eating enough. I'm taking this as a sign that I can probably cut again soon. Weight went up more, probably water and glycogen as my calories are stable. Sidebar complete. Reading Day Bang. No porn 101 days. Crossed the 100 day mark. I'm finding women in general more i…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/09/21 01:12 PM
1

I’ve come along way, my whole reason for visiting this sub-reddit has come almost nowhere. When are you going to become the reason you visit this sub?
/r/MarriedRedPill09/09/21 02:05 PM
1

If you're cutting, that could explain the lack of gains. Are you in a calorie deficit? I found myself looking to my wife for validation this week. After last week of really not caring, this snuck back up on me. I continue to get better about noticing this mental state and centering myself again. Still in progress. I've been frustrated by this and hamstering reasons why it's not my fault or beyond my control. This is something I've experienced. When my progress stalls, I tend to start looking to …
/r/MarriedRedPill07/09/21 09:55 PM
3

That being said, I believe I do handle the anger correctly - meaning I let it burn inside me, and not affect other people. Stoic approach. Reset every day. If you're already angry, the best response is obviously to manage it. But a long term fix is to find the source of the anger and fix the problem there. I found pretty consistently that, when I was angry at my wife, I was blaming her for something. When I found what I was blaming on her, and saw how it was ultimately my fault, the blame shifte…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/09/21 05:24 PM
4

Now I see that whatever happens I have choices about how I interpret these things as good or bad or irrelevant and how I choose to respond. Being able to choose my reaction You may like this book. Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl. edit: this was for /u/Mapplan20 ... wrong comment.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/09/21 02:39 PM
1

Since then I've read that men of my height have an ideal weight of 165. That seems relatively crap I'd agree that this is crap. Tailor this to your own goals. Your lean mass is about 147 (180-(180*.185)). There is a good article here on maximum lean mass potential; we're the same height and mine is about 180. So you could probably gain around 30 lbs of muscle over your lifetime (according to this calculator, ymmv). 10% bodyfat with 180 lbs of lean mass puts you around 200 lbs end weight. Not sur…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/09/21 02:15 PM
1

OYS 36 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 193 15% BF Navy. GSLP AMRAPs: Deadlift 250x8 Squat 230x8 Bench 210x5 Basics Lifting. GSLP. Diet. IIFYM, mx phase between cuts. My weight has gone up a couple of pounds since finishing the cut phase, probably glycogen repletion. Sidebar complete. Reading Day Bang. Finished Models. No porn 94 days. I turned down an initiation from her; never thought that would happen. Another blowjob this week, this time not the result of hysterical bonding, just bec…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/09/21 01:48 PM
1

One more. Maybe you've read this as well. Just keep evaluating yourself against what you're reading. When you find gaps between your behavior and what you read, write about it here.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/09/21 12:20 PM
1

distill my goals My major goals right now are to work towards 15% bodyfat and finish my budget. Yeah looks good. I weigh in every day and do calipers/measuring tape on Saturdays. As long as it's consistent and you see it trending downwards, that's what matters. not seeing any feedback from these efforts she has not responded for her to come around https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/74yepr/the_dancing_monkey_attraction_improvement/ https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/f7…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/09/21 11:38 AM
3

Organization and productivity in my main career: I've been subscribing to the Getting Things Done system for nearly three years which has helped me kill it at work and with a few side projects. Outside of the house is not well-kept; lawn is cut regularly, but a lot of weeds/overgrowth. This ties into a larger issue of thinking that I have to complete every task as opposed to managing. I allow myself to fall prey to Parkinson's Law too often. I've also used GTD for years. It is very powerful, but…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/09/21 01:05 PM
3

You're 130 lbs? Or your wife is?
/r/MarriedRedPill01/09/21 01:04 PM
4

I was hand wavy about porn in the initial comment, I hadn’t thought it through completely at that point. I just want to get this out there to finish the thought. So a standard mental model would be something like this- I heard on MRP that porn is keeping me from having sex. Okay, so I’ll stop watching porn so that I can have more sex. …Sex life improves dramatically. So now the thought comes in that I can watch porn again because my sex life is fine now. The negative motivation (lack of sex) is …
/r/MarriedRedPill01/09/21 12:20 AM
6

I think this is a really good OYS. Because you're literally just owning your shit. You fucked up, you're honest with yourself, and you're starting again. Cool. BACKSLIDING ON MY POSITIVE BEHAVIORS I almost cannot understand why? I'll take a shot at this. I could be off on whether this applies in your case but this mental model was helpful to me. Being fat sucks, being weak sucks, and not fucking fucking sucks. The cure is to also do things that suck- diet, lift, all the MRP ego killing stuff. Le…
/r/MarriedRedPill31/08/21 08:52 PM
4

OYS 35 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 191 15% BF Navy. GSLP AMRAPs: Deadlift 250x8 Squat 230x8 Bench 210x5 Basics Lifting. GSLP. Diet. IIFYM, 1 lb/wk cut phase. Week 8/8. Finished a cut, going to maintenance to recover, then cutting again. I've experienced a couple of times now that towards the end of a cut, I start to get very lethargic both mentally and physically. Sex drive and workouts and pretty much everything else are in the shitter right now. Losing weight is my top priority, s…
/r/MarriedRedPill31/08/21 03:48 PM
2

No. So far it's just been talking to people to break approach anxiety. I haven't attempted to escalate. That's what I'm going to start now.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/08/21 05:53 PM
2

Instead of a metric, you may want to start trying to integrate this as part of your persona. i.e., put in the work to move from conscious competence to unconscious competence. This made me step back and reevaluate why I'm doing approaches. The goal has always been just to get rid of approach anxiety. I don't think it will ever go to zero but it's on an asymptotic approach now so my effort should be redirected. It was useful to link metric to conscious competence and persona to unconscious compet…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/08/21 05:52 PM
1

Cool.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/08/21 07:13 PM
1

Ordered my camera. If no one besides you ever saw your pictures, would you still take them?
/r/MarriedRedPill24/08/21 06:45 PM
18

OYS 34 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 192 15% BF Navy. GSLP AMRAPs: Deadlift 250x7 Squat 230x7 Bench 200x8 Basics Lifting. GSLP. Diet. IIFYM, 1 lb/wk cut phase. Week 7/8. I'm starting to feel the cut psychologically. I'm getting the obsessive feelings about food and measurements. It's easier this time because I knew it was coming, but it's still pretty unpleasant. I set a goal to hit single digit body fat this year and mapped out cut and maintenance weeks. I set the longest cut duratio…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/08/21 01:32 PM
10

OYS 33 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 192 15% BF Navy. GSLP AMRAPs: Deadlift 250x7 Squat 230x7 Bench 200x8 Basics Lifting. GSLP. Diet. IIFYM, 1 lb/wk cut phase. Week 6/8. Game. Goal is to talk to strangers, number equal to my OYS. Completed 33. Sidebar complete. Reading Iron John. Listening to The Way of Men and Day Bang. No porn 73 days. Life purpose.* Working course, about 1/2 complete. Step 5: Visit the Armory Started game books. Misc As a reaction to learning about nice guy tendenc…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/08/21 05:15 AM
1

That's encouraging, thank you.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/07/21 01:20 PM
2

Thanks for your persistence. There was indeed something here. I've been trying to write out a reply for the last couple of days, and I'm still writing. It's running so long and bringing back so much that it will just be my OYS for next week.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/07/21 01:13 PM
1

OYS 30 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 193 15% BF Navy. GSLP AMRAPs: Deadlift 250x7 Squat 230x7 Bench 200x8 Basics Lifting. GSLP. Enjoying working a new routine. I'm sore again after every workout, which I had weirdly missed. Diet. IIFYM, 1 lb/wk cut phase. Targeting an eight week window as suggested by Zen, so this is week 3/8. I realized a lot of diet comes down to one thing- don’t take the first bite. Once I start eating, it’s hard to stop; not starting is much easier. This isn't jus…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/07/21 12:43 PM
1

Yeah you're right. I didn't want to talk about it because I don't really know what I'm doing with initiations. So this was a good poke.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/07/21 07:39 PM
1

Take 10%ish of your squats and deads. That worked. I've got it dialed in now. Thanks. 8+ week periods I'll start tracking this. Nice flair by the way.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/07/21 07:28 PM
1

I don't even think you're ready for a Main Event because it sounds like your ideal situation is to have your wife kill her own puppy. Real alpha shit. I thought about this and wanted to say thanks for pointing that out. I had considered something like that but hadn't reflected on my motives. It won't happen now.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/07/21 07:10 PM
2

Ha, thanks. To answer your question, I'll take yesterday as an example of what I would consider a good initiation. She came home, light kino, kiss on the cheek. Sat on the couch, talked for a while, AA, heavier kino, escalated. Picked her up to go to the bedroom, she hammer fisted my shoulder and yelled until I put her down. Usually this works, but not in this case. Good initiations usually involve bypassing some LMR which usually just means ignoring it. A bad initiation would be one driven by n…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/07/21 03:49 PM
2

Then I think you're playing out a Beta Revenge Fantasy at the idea of destroying her so she feels a 10th of what she's done to you. Right? I'll say it again, that's not how a captain acts. He doesn't watch his ship burn while shrugging it off. That's a useful perspective. I'll think about that. That's not my intent. I don't even think you're ready for a Main Event because it sounds like your ideal situation is to have your wife kill her own puppy. Real alpha shit. I completely agree. I never sai…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/07/21 03:24 PM
2

You had an opportunity to provide leadership and you did not. You're right. I did nothing to lead her. I would say this wasn't entirely unintentional. Whenever I have an opportunity like this, I feel a visceral aversion to improving the situation. It's like I just want to watch it all burn. But I'm not sure you want to. That may be the crux of the whole thing. You need to answer this question (like I did). Do you like her? Yes. This answer disappoints me, because an affirmative answer is not a u…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/07/21 02:11 PM
1

That makes sense. I know there have been changes in my mindset, but I can't point to any specific time that they happened. There wasn't a before and after, there is just how I am now, and the knowledge that I didn't used to be this way. This is encouraging. It's simple but not easy; execute the plan. Thanks for the example that it works in the end.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/07/21 12:36 PM
1

Thanks for the reply. This comment just keeps running laps in my head. I don't know what else to say or what will come of it, but it struck a chord.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/07/21 12:29 PM
1

The mechanics of initiation aren't the issue. I haven't changed anything about initiations, but last week she blew me for the first time in a decade, and this week hard no's. The only thing that changed between those two weeks was the discussion we had that I detailed in OYS.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/07/21 08:04 PM
2

The former. I have no hesitation anymore about initiating whenever I want. Rejection doesn't bother me- every rejection is just one less fuck I have to give. Eventually I'll run out of fucks.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/07/21 06:41 PM
1

Last week yes. This week no. It's been inconsistent.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/07/21 06:15 PM
1

Do you ever go all the way into actively hiding what you do? No. I misspoke. I should have said that I make no effort to let anyone know what I'm doing. If they notice, fine, doesn't really matter. I got my own approval and that's all I wanted. This is similar to my first point. You find out where the line is through doing this stuff repeatedly over a period of time. You learn to differentiate the person from the criticism by combating criticism from her, from other people, from yourself, over a…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/07/21 02:41 PM
8

I've realized I'm afraid of my wife This is what helped me when I realized the same thing about myself: From my response to Zen on a comment on my OYS 25: I’m not scared of my wife. I’m scared of criticism. She just happens to be the person who has the most ammunition, knows where all my buttons are, and has been training me for 15 years, so her criticism is an order of magnitude more potent than anyone else's. The way forward for me was basic WISNIFG skills. Learn to break the psychological pup…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/07/21 11:13 AM
2

OYS 29 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 194 16% BF Navy. Deadlift 270x7 Squat 255x6 Bench 205x9 Basics Lifting. GSLP. Dialing in the weights to use for each lift. Diet. IIFYM, 1 lb/wk cut phase. Eating vegetables again. Game. Goal is to do the number of approaches equal to my OYS. Completed 30+. Sidebar complete. Rereading NMMNG and listening to Untethered Soul and TRM. No porn 45 days. Frame. I notice a decrease in the background level of anxiety that is usually present. I attribute thi…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/07/21 10:57 AM
1

I'm glad we could have this talk. LIkewise. early game of unplugging I see that, and that's where I am right now. I'm still at the beginning where the doors are clearly marked with things like lift and sidebar, and I just need the discipline to choose those doors consistently. Thanks for the comments.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/07/21 12:10 PM
1

Yes; I see myself in that post, and the comments.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/07/21 04:27 PM
2

10 years That's never happening again. The relationship is the woman's job I didn't understand that concept until now. It wasn't enough to just read it, I had to live it.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/07/21 04:05 PM
1

Thanks for that article. I've been redlining myself outside the gym (garage) lately and it seems like that factors into the deload calculation as well. Zen suggested GSLP, and I may switch to that, as one of the benefits is more recovery time.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/07/21 04:01 PM
1

My take on the prize mentality is that it's about approval. When I came in here, I was looking for approval from everyone else; wife, mrp, friends, strangers, anyone. Their approval was the prize. A step forward was to realize that, ideally, everyone in my life should be qualifying themselves for my approval. That my approval was the prize that they should be seeking. This is one way to conceptualize frame. The final step is to make this completely internal. I should always and only be seeking m…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/07/21 03:30 PM
1

I come at this from a philosophy next door to Taoism. Advaita or non duality. In the end, you are not what life is happening to. You aren’t what is choosing doors or what is experiencing the consequences of the doors. You’re neither subject nor object. In that sense, you don’t project your consciousness above the maze of doors; that consciousness is all you ever were. I think it's correct to say there is no inherent destination in life that lies behind the correct sequence of doors. At most, the…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/07/21 12:24 PM
1

But I don't see many downsides to moving on if I'm being totally honest with you. I agree. I don't want to make the decision, but I want to have made the decision. Can you tell me what's the worst thing that will happen if you make the decision to end it vs staying? I'm not terribly worried about my own future. The worst thing that could happen is that she gets depressed and becomes a drug addict or kills herself. I know that's not what I should be worried about, but that's where my mind keeps g…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/07/21 03:27 PM
1

Good illustration of two things I need to internalize. Why? Maybe I fucked up too bad over the past years, maybe I lost the masculine energy, maybe I wasn't hypergamically attractive enough. Iron rule 7. But you know what, maybe I don't give a fuck. There's millions of women out there. Don't waste time with women who don't want you. Abundance.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/07/21 02:16 PM
8

OYS 28 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 194 16% BF Navy. Deadlift 230x13 Squat 210x12 Bench 205x8 Basics Lifting. 6 days per week PPL split, 1 day HIIT. Diet. ADF Carnivore, 1 lb/wk cut phase. Temporary maintenance phase while traveling. Game. Goal is to do the number of approaches equal to my OYS. Completed 28. Sidebar complete. Rereading NMMNG and listening to TRM PM. No porn for over a month. Working through life purpose course. About 1/2 complete. Frame. On the road all week again un…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/07/21 12:30 PM
1

True freedom That's helpful to hear. Whenever I think of life after marriage, for some reason there is a lot of expectation of worst case scenarios. It's starkly contrasted to what you're saying, and what other guys here have said; it would most likely turn out to be the best decision I ever made. I guess there is also the consideration that blue pill me didn't know any better than to stay here. So the first decade of marriage is excusable. But I don't have any real excuse not to act on what I k…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/07/21 11:58 AM
1

Why wouldn't you fuck you? I don’t like what I see when I look in the mirror. I’m proud of what I don’t see- the 260 lb fat fuck. He’s dead now. But I’m not yet proud of what I do actually see. That doesn't help. It's also the mental models- I know I have a long way to go with frame and game. It's also dread and preselection; I have very little of this so far. I'm working to fix all of this. You're correct to point out the second option. This was more of a lazy assumption because I hadn't explic…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/07/21 11:29 AM
1

There was a point in my MAP where once I unfucked the areas of my life that needed unfucking, while improving areas that had a lot of room for growth, that I knew it would be time to cut the cord and move on. There came a point where there was no value add from my ex, which is when I decided to move forward. Thank you for the perspective. This is something I've given a lot of thought to. I don't really see much potential for value add, much less her putting in effort to find opportunities to add…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/07/21 01:11 AM
1

The best thing you can do for your own maturation is likely the toughest, scariest thing. That sentence stopped me in my tracks. That's true. I spent the last few days reading your comment and writing pages trying to explain to you/myself how sparring/hard mode is what I need to be doing right now. But that's not the toughest, scariest thing. The toughest, scariest thing right now would be to admit there is no reason I'm in this marriage besides the perception that it would be tough and scary to…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/07/21 04:03 PM
1

I partially agree. I had a covert contract (coming home equals sex). Anger alerted me to this, and making it explicit allows me to eliminate it. I think that’s valuable. You’re right that I don’t do a good job of OI based on circle of control. I’ll continue working on that.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/07/21 01:30 AM
1

I’m questioning if it’s worth it. Its hard for me to determine my motivation. Maybe I have a scarcity mindset and I’m scared to let a sure thing (shitty as it may be) go. Maybe the best thing I can do for my own maturation is to play red pill on hard mode for a while. Maybe I’m waiting to see if I like my reflection that I see in her more when I’m worth a shit and she has something positive to reflect back at me. Maybe I’m stalling. Maybe I’m telling myself it’s better than it is to reduce the c…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/07/21 01:21 AM
3

OYS 27 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 194 16% BF Navy. Deadlift 230x13 Squat 210x12 Bench 205x8 Basics Lifting. 6 days per week PPL split, 1 day HIIT. Diet. ADF Carnivore, 1 lb/wk cut phase. Temporary hiatus from cutting while I’m traveling, targeting maintenance. Game. Goal is to do the number of approaches equal to my OYS. Completed 27. Sidebar complete. Rereading NMMNG and listening to TRM PM. No porn for 31 days. Working through life purpose course. About 1/3 complete. Frame. I men…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/07/21 11:05 AM
1

To escape your own reliance on patterns, find a map that was left by fellow travelers. It may tell you to take unlikely and counter intuitive doors. But if you choose the map wisely, you may get where you’re trying to go.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/07/21 11:02 AM
2

“Just World” I hadn't seen that concept before, but yeah that's it. Obviously knowing isn’t enough Unfortunately correct. But I’m not sure it has to be anymore complicated than acknowledging times that intuitive-narrative-thinking-type-model has actually failed and times an empirical, strategic approach has worked more favourably. I think that's it. Repetition. With a new lens to look at the world through, pretty soon confirmation bias starts to work in favor of red pill. Someone should make a s…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/06/21 07:18 AM
2

I see what you mean now, thank you. That small piece of enlightenment had unfortunately not updated across all my neural networks at that point. Looking at today's OYS (referring to 26) I can see some progress there. Appreciate the explanation. That's an interesting analogy. I'll have to think through that some more.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/06/21 02:40 AM
5

OYS 26 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 194 16% BF Navy. Deadlift 230x13 Squat 210x12 Bench 205x8 Basics Lifting. 6 days per week PPL split, 1 day HIIT. Diet. ADF Carnivore, 1 lb/wk cut phase. Game. Goal is to do the number of approaches equal to my OYS. Completed 26. Sidebar complete. Rereading NMMNG No porn for 24 days. Working through life purpose course. About 1/3 complete. Frame building. I'm seeking criticism to practice assertiveness. I've done something similar before- I called i…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/06/21 02:01 PM
1

Thank you for the advice. I'm researching both IIFYM and GSLP. Yes, recurrent pokes on the same subject. There is something here. I'm resistant to changing, even though I'm confident you're correct. I'm not sure why I'm resistant, but I'm thinking about it. There is another mental model here that isn't readily apparent. I'll reply more on this as I study the programs and figure out what's going on with my stubbornness.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/06/21 08:30 PM
1

I know this is a late reply, but I keep reading this and it's not clicking. I'm missing something that seems to be obvious to you. Would you mind elaborating? I must have a blindspot here.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/06/21 04:00 PM
1

Yes. A few weeks ago I stopped the deficit and went to maintenance for two weeks, plus a week when I was traveling and didn't count anything. I resumed deficit last week so my weight should be moving again. I'm targeting 1 lb/wk with a 15 lb loss goal. I stopped cutting, rightly or wrongly, because the deficit was getting in my head. Honestly I felt a little unhinged, and I got scared and stopped. I was started to obsess over weight loss spreadsheets, obsess over measuring everything, obsess ove…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/06/21 05:13 PM
4

Failed to insist that my kids rehearse our music for our leading worship at church sufficiently. We pulled it off but did not give our best. This is unacceptable. I fail my kids when I don't demand more effort from them to avoid being the mean dad. High priority to stop this. I assume you've read WISNIFG. Take a look at the end of chapter one. It talks about assertive parenting. I'm just guessing here, but this is how this goes down in my mind... Your kids give less than their best, and you're e…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/06/21 02:37 PM
2

Honestly I don't like the "mission is to find a mission" mentality either, but I think it's the lesser of two evils when compared to just not looking for a mission. If a lack of a real mission is keeping me stuck, then something needs to be done about it. As far as what to do- I don't know what works, I'm just trying stuff. I'm using unchained man, doing a life purpose course, and playing around with different ways to visualize what my ideal day would be. What would you regret not having done du…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/06/21 02:00 PM
3

Your poking was useful. Throughout yesterday I went through some stuff- or some stuff went through me- and I found some release. I'm mostly just writing this out to clarify it in my own head but also wanted to let you know you're on target. After I replied, I still couldn't get your comment to stop replaying in my head. My initial response to you was a teeth gritted sort of “stop poking me about action”. This is what I actually wrote first... This is seriously fucking infuriating. I want to put …
/r/MarriedRedPill23/06/21 12:30 PM
2

I'm running into this as well. There's a lack of direction when the mission is missing. It's like the mission is to find a mission.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/06/21 09:04 PM
2

The basics; lift, diet, a lot of sidebar. Worked on refining what direction I want my life to go, so that I can clearly state what I want. Set another boundary with my wife. Good sex, doing what I want without asking, just do it and enjoy it. I'm consciously using wisnifg in every conversation (build frame). Set up two outings with friends (build funnels, also just have fun). It doesn't seem very spectacular. When I distill it down, and just look at the cumulative results I can expect from this.…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/06/21 02:22 PM
1

OYS 25 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 194 16% BF Navy. Deadlift 230x13 Squat 210x12 Bench 205x8 Basics Lifting. PPL split with HIIT. Diet. ADF Carnivore. Game. Goal is to do the number of approaches equal to my OYS. Completed 30+. Sidebar complete. Rereading WISNIFG, TRM. Approaches are beginning to feel natural. I’ve had to begin doing extra errands just to get my reps in. But it doesn’t feel like a chore, it’s a game, and I look forward to it. It's getting to the point where I have t…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/06/21 11:51 AM
2

However, I think you are both running in circles and mentally masturbating over this shit because you can't answer, very concretely, "what do you want?". This is a recurring theme in comments to me, and not just from you. I need to STFU. You are probably confusing the above flawed mental model with the "sparring partner" model. Yes, that's basically what I had in mind. My thought was that when the sparring partner is no longer a challenge, there is nothing more to learn from the relationship, an…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/06/21 12:31 AM
1

Eat more popsicles
/r/MarriedRedPill19/06/21 05:30 PM
2

I think you're fooling yourself more often than not. It's an excuse for failure. I think you're right. You absolutely know what's proven to work as far as nutrition and training. It's pretty straightforward. The guys at bodybuilding shows are all doing basically the same things. So are powerlifters, elite athletes in various sports, etc... But a fad carnivore, alternate day fasting diet is going to be the trick for you? So if (when) it doesn't really work as expected, you can blame the diet. JMO…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/06/21 05:28 PM
2

I've noticed a pattern with you specifically and being overly interested in the novel. You probably jump from thing to thing in lots of areas. I couldn't help but laugh when I read this. Yeah, that's me. I like to think of it as "fail fast and pivot", or experiments, or rapid prototyping... probably because my ego loves how those sound. I think that's a good approach sometimes, but it can also be a cover for quitting when something gets hard or boring and moving on to the next thing that looks e…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/06/21 01:04 AM
2

I will, thank you. Appreciate the link.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/06/21 12:40 AM
1

I get this. I've asked myself the question of, if I were single right now, would I immediately go propose to the woman I'm currently married to? Hell no. Then why do I stay married? I don't have a good answer. The only answer I do have sounds similar to yours- I know there is so much I need to fix about myself, and this marriage is the perfect crucible. I would only be fucking myself if I left with opportunities still on the table. Maybe that's the trick... recognizing when there is nothing more…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/06/21 12:40 AM
3

Your conversation sounds like you're trying to negotiate desire. And you can't do that, because she cannot make herself want you. It even sounds like she's trying to make herself want you and is sad that she can't. It's on you to become a man any woman would want.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/06/21 11:30 AM
2

Yeah exactly. There is a lot of muscle memory there to break.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/06/21 10:55 AM
2

Quite the contrast from my last OYS when I declared that I had finally “really fucked” my wife. Thought I had “made it,” right? I took 4 weeks off of OYS. We're at a similar stage. I do this... finally see some results, and then slack off. I've realized that when I define success based on outcomes and other people, this mistake becomes easy. If you think about it, defining success like that is the surest way to kill progress, because if you've already arrived, why keep trying?
/r/MarriedRedPill17/06/21 12:25 AM
2

I found this interesting, and it's well phrased. I don't have kids either, which seems uncommon on this board, so my arguments with myself sound similar, albeit less advanced. Take this with a grain of salt disclaimer; I'm leaning towards leaving, and I don't know if I'm talking to you or talking to myself. I'm an outcome independent dancing monkey. I want her act right and come along, but I'm ready and willing to walk. What the fuck? I'm not sure this is outcome independence. From the end of th…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/06/21 11:40 PM
1

It is a great feeling. Every time I think I've eradicated all the blaming, though, I find more... so, more opportunities for great feelings.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/06/21 10:55 PM
3

Well you're asking the right question, because I felt my ego flinch. I don't have a great scientific rationale for this. The short answer is that it's a gamble I can afford, and the potential payoff seems likely enough to me to make it worth a shot. Yes, the gut stuff definitely could be psychosomatic. I don't know enough about diagnosing that to have an opinion, but I'd be surprised if I'm not making myself sick to some extent. Just going up a level, your silver bullet observation is a good gen…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/06/21 10:49 PM
2

It was a bit of a silver bullet hunt, not so much for weight loss as just trying to feel better. I've been experimenting with low carb, then keto, then carnivore, for a few years now. I noticed that the lower my carbs, the clearer headed I felt, and the more stable my energy. This relationship held true all the way down to zero carbs. My energy doesn't get as high as with carbs, but it doesn't fluctuate, and I don't get brain fog. The downside is of course that this might be a faustian bargain w…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/06/21 12:16 AM
1

Looks at vitamin and mineral levels, gut flora, neurotransmitter balance, hormones, etc. I'm using Equilife but there are many companies that do similar testing. I'm doing this mostly to make sure I'm not fucking myself with carnivore, also just looking for anything I can improve.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/06/21 07:55 PM
9

OYS 24 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 194 16% BF Navy. Deadlift 230x13 Squat 210x12 Bench 205x8 Basics Lifting. PPL split with HIIT. Diet. 5/2 Carnivore. Game. Goal is to do the number of approaches equal to my OYS. Completed 24. Sidebar. Complete, rereading WISNIFG, TRM. Started another cut phase this week after two weeks maintenance. I’m testing alternate day fasting with carnivore this time. Also got back the results of the second round of functional medicine lab testing. They isola…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/06/21 12:25 PM
7

OYS 23 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 194 16% BF Navy. Deadlift 230x13 Squat 210x12 Bench 205x8 Basics Lifting. PPL split with HIIT. Diet. 5/2 Carnivore. Game. Goal is to do the number of approaches equal to my OYS. Completed 23. Sidebar. Complete, rereading WISNIFG, TRM. Approaches are starting to pay off. I’m surprised how easy it is for strangers to become friends. Had a great interaction with a girl on a flight this weekend, talked for a couple of hours. It illustrated to me what a…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/06/21 11:39 AM
2

OYS 22 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 194 16% BF Navy. Deadlift 230x13 Squat 210x12 Bench 205x8 Basics Lifting. PPL split with HIIT. Diet. 5/2 Carnivore. Game. Goal is to do the number of approaches equal to my OYS. Completed 22. Sidebar. Complete, rereading WISNIFG. 60 DoD: Social Several things this week: Saw a neighbor walking his dog while I was out mowing, so I stopped and went over to talk, ended up with an invitation to a couple of neighborhood parties this week. Going to a base…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/06/21 02:18 PM
1

This reads like an excel sheet. It's funny that you noticed that. I transferred my mission/goals out of spreadsheet and into a document this week. The spreadsheet felt constrictive, and was probably reflective of my checklist mindset. Putting it into a document allows me to write out my goals in narrative form, which feels much more authentic. When the impulses/desires come start building bridges to them instead of making excuses for why you can’t make them happen. The latter has been my default…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/05/21 06:33 PM
1

It seems like you're putting your satisfaction at the END of this path. Yes, that's the understanding that I entered this conversation with. I'll be happy when... And the very useful seed of doubt that you planted was to say essentially that I'll be happy now or never, and it's just a choice. Great video, I like that perspective. This also showed me another victim mindset that I have. Basically, that my circumstances need to be a certain way (I need to get to the end of the path) or I can't be h…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/05/21 06:27 PM
2

It sounds to me like you're ego invested in this "philosopher king" identity. This identity of struggle. And the idea that worthwhile things have to be hard and complicated. That hit hard. Yes I am. Fuck. I guess I was too close to this and couldn't see it, because I was identified as it. I use mental masturbation to avoid action. I can only use it as long as it seems like the problem I'm trying to solve hasn't been solved. So I prolong the problems and inflate them so that I can keep riding the…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/05/21 03:41 PM
1

Thank you for pushing and you shouldn't have had to. I was a piece of shit this week. I stepped back and took a look at my career. I have very good hard skills and pretty good soft skills, but I've put very little effort into developing my network. I've always fallen back on the I'm an introvert excuse. The axiom of "it's not what you know, it's who you know" is probably already limiting my options. I don't necessarily want to exercise any options at this point, but I always want to have them. S…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/05/21 12:52 PM
1

You WANT to be miserable. That is your goal right now. All your actions are in line with feeding that addiction. Teleology. I'm not miserable because <circumstances>, I want to be miserable because it achieves a goal. So what goal is that? The simple truth is I was weak and I failed. But I didn't want to admit that. I think my subconscious theory was that if I sounded really miserable, it would be assumed that I must have tried really hard before failing. So I exaggerated my resultant misery to …
/r/MarriedRedPill27/05/21 08:51 PM
1

You're right. I don't know what else I can say. You're right about all of it.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/05/21 12:07 AM
1

I like to look at these as sudden (Dzogchen style) vs gradual awakening (Zen, Vipassana etc.). That analogy makes sense. Not knowing which one will work for me, I'm going for both, as I don't see any conflict between the two approaches. I found the latter worked better for me, but then for all my failings I actually always knew where I was going, even if I sometimes often doubted it. But this is where the bottom up approach is critical, I think. There is a risk of finding through the top down ap…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/05/21 02:22 PM
1

OYS 21 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 194 16% BF Navy. Deadlift 230x13 Squat 210x12 Bench 205x8 Basics Lifting. PPL split with HIIT. Diet. 5/2 Carnivore. Game. Goal is to do the number of approaches equal to my OYS. Completed 21. Sidebar. MMSLP, MAP, SALSM, Ironwood, MRP sidebar, TRP sidebar, Pook, WISNIFG, NMMNG, Not Nice, Rational Male, Manipulated Man, Virtue of Selfishness, Moral Animal, Beyond Good and Evil, Genealogy of Morals, TWOTSM, Kung Fu Panda, Unchained Man, The Courage to…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/05/21 01:33 PM
2

OYS 20 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 194 16% BF Navy. Deadlift 230x13 Squat 210x12 Bench 205x8 Basics Lifting. PPL split with HIIT. Lifts are stalling out. I think this is due to the cumulative effect of a calorie deficit. I'm making very good, consistent progress in weight loss, and that is the priority, so nothing changes here. I'm continuing lifting every day to keep the habit going, keep glucose disposal up, and maintain muscle mass. Diet. 5/2 Carnivore. Game. Goal is to do the nu…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/05/21 02:25 PM
2

Make small strides towards that. As you do, you'll uncover more and more of who you are and what you really want. It's a journey that will evolve. I think my expectation was off. I thought I would find a Ultimate Purpose and just know instantly that this is what I was meant to do. I guess that was naive. That outlook is kind of like the love at first sight theory, or even oneitis. It just doesn't work. Building up to clarity and certainty in little steps, like you described, seems much better. I…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/05/21 01:36 PM
5

OYS 18 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 196 16% BF Navy. Deadlift 230x13 Squat 210x12 Bench 205x8 60 DoD follow up Week 2 Diet. Got test results back for food sensitivities. Found a couple of my staple foods were causing reactions, and eliminated those. My HRV is already up about 20 points on average each night, which is huge. I've ordered a couple more in depth tests to confirm some potential problems that were indicated. Week 4 Clothes. Ordered a half dozen decants for a couple of doll…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/05/21 12:20 PM
3

What I've not done is set goals No. What you've not done is to create habits. Goals are just more motivation.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/04/21 02:25 PM
2

Yet your choice of words shows that it is you that lets her define everything about you. I think your comment parallels Tyred_Biggums comment. I don't know who I am yet. And since I don't, a vacuum is created where anyone else can supply meaning and definitions, i.e. letting her define everything about me. Not knowing who I am opens me up to getting sucked into every one else's frame and prevents me from forming one of my own. I don't know what to do about this yet, but you're correct in pointin…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/04/21 04:47 PM
2

Not everyone knows this Fair point. I grew up and live inside a Marriage 1.0 bubble and I forgot that. I shouldn't have generalized. You're overthinking all this. Yeah sure alpha / beta blah blah. But if you get stuck into "this is alpha!" = good or "this is beta" = bad, you're just going to go rambo and spin your wheels. I think you're saying don't be a dancing monkey, as the focus on being alpha or being beta just puts me squarely in someone else's frame, which leads to frustration and lack of…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/04/21 01:41 PM
2

I sometimes find difficulty figuring out when to celebrate my successes with others and when to STFU Seems like the same kind of question as do I want sex because I desire the woman or I desire her validation. It's a motives thing. I'm thinking you have the right idea to STFU at first until I can tell the difference between celebrating success and fishing for approval.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/04/21 01:10 PM
4

OYS 17 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 195 17% BF Navy. Deadlift 230x12 Squat 205x12 Bench 205x8 60 DoD Week 4 "I should be myself", you might think. "I should be genuine, and dress in a way that is congruent and authentic to the real me." I have that thought, and I use it to justify not dressing well. I realized why this is wrong though. It's related to the concept of authenticity. Who I am by default is not my authentic self, it’s what I've been trained and conditioned and socialized …
/r/MarriedRedPill27/04/21 10:48 AM
3

OYS 16 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 198 17% BF Navy. Deadlift 225x12 Squat 205x11 Bench 205x7 60 DoD Week 3 Like all your bad habits, you slipped into this, and you’ve lulled yourself into thinking it either doesn’t matter, or that no one notices anyway. If you’re really down on your luck, you might figure trying to have an attractive presence isn’t for “normal guys like you” anyway. All of this is wrong and must be discarded immediately for reasons outlined above. I had slipped into…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/04/21 12:34 PM
1

Good question. Anything that is discussed in 60DOD, MAP, SALSM... there is a lot of basic stuff in these guides.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/04/21 12:29 PM
1

But just appreciate some things don't need a bigger picture. I was thinking about your first comment last night and realized I was wrong about something. I don't need to know what my specific vision is to know that working out (for example) is part of it. I know this because there is no realistic vision that I could come up with that doesn't involve being strong. So I can just work out now and know that it is contributing to my vision, even though I don't know what that is yet. I think this is w…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/04/21 11:35 AM
1

I think you're right. I guess where I'm stuck is that if I don't see the big picture, and how my actions feed into that, how can I be sure my actions don't have the wrong motives? For instance, isn't looking good naked dancing monkey? Am I just flirting for validation and lying to myself? I don't know. Maybe I just distrust all of my motives too much and think there is blue pill conditioning lurking behind every desire, and that if I can't clearly state a vision, then the motive for every action…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/04/21 04:11 PM
1

You've very obviously read the Career Beta post It's what gave me a roadmap out of hell and got me into OYS. It's the most important post I've read here so far. Thanks for writing it. This one may either help you or send you further down the rabbit hole. This very much echoes the "Step 2: There is no Spoon" from Career Beta. I spent months fighting that step. The quote about sacrifice from Step 2 has been the razor I used to excise altruism. It will probably take years to update all my priors bu…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/04/21 03:59 PM
1

You will get more out of your OYS if you use "I" statements. Thanks, I'll do that. There is more ownership there. But don't get stuck in the rabbit hole. There is an age old truism: Men make themselves. Women find themselves. The mistake, I assume, would be to think I am at the bottom of a rabbit hole, and therefore spend all my time looking for myself there. Good point. I'd like to think I'm looking flawed mental models in the rabbit holes, but I'm also excellent at fooling myself. Another post…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/04/21 03:41 PM
2

OYS 15 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 198 17% BF Navy. Deadlift 225x12 Squat 205x11 Bench 205x7 60 DoD Week 2 Are you starting to see it yet? Whether your issue is that you are using food as an escape or that you’re already checked out, your body fat is just a leading indicator of your willingness to face your insecurities, to live in the present moment, to plan, and to execute. Lagging indicators/outcome goals have stopped moving for the most part. So obviously I need to look at the p…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/04/21 01:49 PM
2

Thanks for the comment. It's uncannily accurate. What do you want to do with your freedom? Where do you want to live? What do you want to do? What do you enjoy? What is your purpose? The hardest transition for a career beta is to answer the question "what do I want as a man?" and have confidence in his answer. If I had give a life purpose right now, it would be to reach the sage level on the progression you gave. I want to give myself the freedom to pursue that without any encumbrance. I enjoy k…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/04/21 04:21 PM
2

Thanks for the link and suggestions. I hadn't heard deadlift classified that way before.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/04/21 02:51 AM
8

My knee jerk reaction was “What the fuck do you people want from me? I’m doing everything I’m supposed to do. Why don’t you see that?” And then I realized that’s exactly what you’re pointing at. I’m looking from approval from MRP, from random women, from my wife, from everyone. Fuck. This comes at the same time that I'm getting diminishing returns from routines, and I got discouraged. I started choosing easy dopamine hits over doing the hard stuff that will move the needle. That might be the sim…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/04/21 02:45 AM
3

Trust your intuition, you're still analyzing the shit out of things and your OYS continues to be really long. Try to simplify. You're right. As an aside, how tf is your squat 270 and bench 250? A misspent youth doing pushups and running. Never did leg until last year. It's not just an artifact of calculations, I'm still playing catch up. whether you don't want a wife/LTR/partner within your mission, or if you just don't want her. I honestly don't know if I dislike the cage that I've put myself i…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/04/21 02:45 AM
2

You got me. I let myself get distracted by the sales pitch instead of doing the work. Thanks.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/04/21 01:42 AM
9

OYS 14 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 198 17% BF Navy. Calculated ORM: Deadlift 320 Squat 270 Bench 250 = 840 total 60 DoD Week 1: LIFT Pick a program. I'm doing a PPL split with HIIT. Basic progressive overload regimen, medium rep ranges, compound movements. I like the PPL split because it gives a 72 hour time between muscle groups which seems to line up well with my recovery time. Also, since I'm doing a smaller amount of work each time, I can do this every day, which has been helpfu…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/04/21 11:13 AM
1

In
/r/MarriedRedPill05/04/21 02:36 PM
2

OYS 13 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 198 17% BF Navy. Calculated ORM: Deadlift 320 Squat 270 Bench 250 = 840 total Lifting. PPL split with HIIT. Process goal is at least one PR per lifting day, this week I had 16. Outcome goal is 1000 lb club this year. Ahead of pace for this. Diet. Process goals are five days carnivore and two days fasting. Complete this week. Outcome goal is to lose at least 1%BF per month this year. Behind pace for this. I’m gaining lean mass and holding steady on …
/r/MarriedRedPill30/03/21 01:00 PM
2

Exactly. This is true for all the negative emotions and shitty mental models we hang on to. We actually get addicted to anger, resentment, etc...as ways to validate ourselves and manipulate people. I hadn't realized that was an addiction but you're right, that's exactly what it was. (Manipulation isn't always bad/wrong, but we need to understand we're doing it) I think manipulation isn't a matter of morality any more than "manipulating" someone's joint in BJJ is a matter of morality. The positio…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/03/21 02:03 PM
3

2180kcal - 750kcal = 1430kcal/day target intake Lifting/cardio will add a ~200-300kcal margin on those days Macros: 50/30/20 - 141g protein / 38g fat / 57g carbs I don't track macros so maybe I'm doing this wrong... 141 x 4 + 38 x 9 + 57 x 4 = 1134 kcal More calories needed to hit your target of 1430kcal? And on lifting/cardio days your target intake would go up to 1630-1730kcal? (edits because I can't format)
/r/MarriedRedPill23/03/21 06:17 PM
4

file tomorrow Good luck.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/03/21 12:53 PM
5

OYS 12 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 198 17% BF Navy. One rep max: Bench 245 Squat 260 Deadlift 310 MMSLP, MAP, SALSM, Ironwood, MRP sidebar, TRP sidebar, Pook, WISNIFG, NMMNG, Not Nice, Rational Male, Manipulated Man, Virtue of Selfishness, Moral Animal, Beyond Good and Evil, Genealogy of Morals, TWOTSM, Kung Fu Panda, Unchained Man. Reading The Courage to be Disliked. MAP Reds My big three reds from MAP are oneitis, blaming, and people pleasing. Oneitis, or stop emotional tunnel vis…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/03/21 12:31 PM
2

You frequently employ WISNIFG in your responses. It seems like you use it as a conversation stopper.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/03/21 02:15 PM
1

The 5 lb was an outcome goal. The process goal under genetic potential covers PR's, which is basically saying progressive overload. Granted, PR's isn't a pure process goal, since I'm not completely in control of that, but it works for me for motivation.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/03/21 01:57 AM
1

mock-meet EOY Yeah, sounds good, I'm in. Don't know that your process goal will work Which one?
/r/MarriedRedPill16/03/21 06:43 PM
3

OYS 11 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 198 17% BF Navy. One rep max: Bench 245 Squat 260 Deadlift 310 MMSLP, MAP, SALSM, Ironwood, MRP sidebar, TRP sidebar, Pook, WISNIFG, NMMNG, Not Nice, Rational Male, Manipulated Man, Virtue of Selfishness, Moral Animal, Beyond Good and Evil, Genealogy of Morals, TWOTSM, Kung Fu Panda, Unchained Man. Rereading MAP, reading The Courage to be Disliked. MAP Reds My big three reds from MAP are oneitis, blaming, and people pleasing. Oneitis, or stop emoti…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/03/21 12:05 PM
2

I'm still an idiot that doesn't learn. You're looking for progress. Hard to make progress if you're walking in circles but trying to convince yourself you're getting somewhere. I read your comment as a directive and rationalized a way to change my summary and still make it look like my idea, so that I could bullshit myself that I was in my frame, not yours. FFS. The summary will stay until I'm sure. I will look at it every week.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/03/21 01:44 PM
2

Thanks for the words of warning. Kids with dynamite indeed. Glad you're taking the advice. The more I engage in all this analyzing and thinking, the more I realize that doing things makes most of it pretty irrelevant, once the right course is charted. I'm finding this out more and more. I didn't believe it at first, plus talking is easier, so maybe I just didn't want to believe it. You set a good example.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/03/21 09:56 PM
2

It's always been accurate. Now it may not be. It does seem like continuing to label myself as a nice guy and career beta may entrench the cognitive dissonance and slow down paradigm shifts. I'll take them off. I'll continue working through the career beta post in OYS. I want to be sure there is not a single sentence in that post that still applies to me. I don't want to be the retard still here on OYS 218 still trying to figure out why nothing is working, all because I called victory too early.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/03/21 09:33 PM
2

(if I understand your previous religion right, your OYS has me confused - hell and brimstone?). I mean, that Tibetan monk quite literally lit himself on fire. I was raised in a very conservative protestant sect. Yes, lots of hellfire and brimstone. That's the religion that I officially cut ties with this week. I've been looking into eastern philosophy for the last few years but I'm not anywhere near Tibetan monk material. One image I like is giving people what they need not what they want. And d…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/03/21 02:35 PM
2

And you can't fail if you didn't try. So I convince myself and others that I didn't even want them anyway. Yes, that one. You said what I was trying to say. Two things you could consider. One is to make some very concrete goals and post them up in OYS. Both some that are where you want to end up - and some about where you want to be in X months. Your BW/BF goal is pretty good. Something like that. I'm trying to use that as a standard for goals in the rest of the areas. Those goals have been real…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/03/21 02:20 PM
2

Fair enough. My question put a bit too much responsibility on you to make a decision for me. I shouldn't have done that. Most of the time, perfectionism/neuroticism still has to do with other people. We like to tell ourselves we "have a high standard for ourselves," or something...but it's really that we want to be judged a certain way. That's true; I can see a dichotomy in my approach to everything in my life. If it's something I think other people will find out about and judge me on, it has to…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/03/21 02:12 PM
2

...you have probably even thought how great those traits are in other areas of your life Yes, I've had that exact thought, for years. I even have a job that makes those traits an asset to me. I have a really robust story built up here. Now my new story of fear is going to be if I don't stay this way, I'm going to start making mistakes at work and get fired. Except that... Bottom line is you can choose to think differently tomorrow; it's as simple as that. If this is true, then I can use those tr…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/03/21 12:27 AM
2

It sounds like you may have figured out the mysterious sentence in the Career Beta post that I've been banging my head against. He must come to understand that his family, friends, and wife do not want or need him to sacrifice his dreams and values How did you come to that realization?
/r/MarriedRedPill11/03/21 10:50 PM
2

It's self sabotage essentially. I might set a goal to be in the thousand pound club this year. I break it down and find that means I need to add 4 lbs per week for example across three lifts. I look at that and think that's way too easy, I can add more than that, so I make my goal to hit thousand lb club in two months instead. Not going to happen but it sounds cool. I quickly figure out this goal is unrealistic when I start lifting, but now I don't want to go back to the initial, more realistic …
/r/MarriedRedPill11/03/21 10:45 PM
2

It's just me riding my hoppy horse of ACTION!! because many of us that excel at reflection introspection and writing suck at making this have a real impact out in the real world. I almost hate to sully a pristine vision with gritty reality of action. But I just need to get over it. And this brings up yet another flaw in my historical approach. I set visions that are intentionally out of reach. And then if I accidentally see a way to reach them I move the goalposts to put them out of reach. Just …
/r/MarriedRedPill11/03/21 01:44 PM
2

Your interpretation is wrong. What you've done is kind of retarded. You guys have been on a journey. You've diverted course. And now you've throw her overboard and told her "you're in the middle of the water." That makes more sense. I probably wasn't thinking clearly at that point. I was wrapped up in my own turmoil and couldn't empathize. You've should've had a near term plan ("nothing changes"), a medium term goal ("i want to respect myself first"), and a long term vision ("i'm not sure what t…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/03/21 01:36 PM
3

Your fear was mostly bullshit, as you are finding out, and whatever happens, generally speaking...you'll be fine. As a day or so has passed, this is becoming very true. It's almost like nothing ever happened already. Life goes on. I've told the people that I care about losing, and didn't lose any of them. They weren't happy, but I feel like we're closer than before because there isn't that thing between us anymore. It turns out the fear was complete bullshit. My expectations of what would happen…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/03/21 12:49 PM
2

Getting to setting out what you want for yourself in 7 categories Thank you for the example in your OYS. I hadn't heard of this book until you mentioned it. Take the challenge from UM and set out concrete goals for those 7 areas, plan how to achieve them and get after them You're right. This week I kept it at vision level only. I tried bottom up goals, and found that I started limiting myself on what my vision was. I started limiting my vision to only things that already have a clear and direct …
/r/MarriedRedPill11/03/21 01:23 AM
4

All I can say is that you know how to pull the thread that makes everything unravel. At first I wrote a 14 paragraph response describing- politely but assertively- why my approach works for me. Fortunately, before I posted it, I remembered a few things. First, you’ve been right before even when I couldn’t see it at first. Second, I’ve been wrong before on an eerily similar comment even when I couldn’t see it at first. Third, someone here said the right way to read a comment is “how can they be r…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/03/21 12:37 PM
2

OYS 10 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 199 17% BF Navy. One rep max: Bench 245 Squat 260 Deadlift 310 MMSLP, MAP, SALSM, Ironwood, MRP sidebar, TRP sidebar, Pook, WISNIFG, NMMNG, Not Nice, Rational Male, Manipulated Man, Virtue of Selfishness, Moral Animal, Beyond Good and Evil, Genealogy of Morals, TWOTSM, Kung Fu Panda, Unchained Man. MAP Reds My big three reds from MAP are oneitis, blaming, and people pleasing. Oneitis, or stop emotional tunnel vision. My goal is to do the number of …
/r/MarriedRedPill09/03/21 12:33 PM
1

Then I had misunderstood congruence. Thank you for noticing that and correcting me. That is more straightforward than I had thought.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/03/21 12:29 AM
1

Like you said, I've gotten a lot of good kicking. It's unlikely I'd have gotten there on my own.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/03/21 04:04 PM
2

1) how are lifts shit if you PR 5 during the week? Because noob gains. In good weeks previous I've gotten 3x that so PR 5 is just relatively low. Also I was referring to subjective fatigue all week from lack of lifestyle discipline. 2) ...set some for fun stuff too. That had not actually occurred to me. I didn't realize the process can include fun... which is probably just another indication of how far I've been from my own mental point of origin. Fun is selfish, and I'm not selfish... what an i…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/03/21 11:33 PM
2

Why is it so fucking hard just to do things for yourself? Because until now I couldn't conceive of a paradigm beyond covert contracts. Why do things for myself? I don't have anything I want. Or so I thought. Then I remembered I had once had self respect. And now I do have something I want. It was actually the FR you linked out of your Yellow Mustang post this week that triggered that realization, about the kid who lifted and just became more confident. For some reason that's what flipped the swi…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/03/21 11:11 PM
2

Why do you feel the need to tell mommy? What I told myself was that if I had a problem with needing approval, one way to fix it was to seek disapproval. But now that I look back at it, it sure seems like the real reason was that mommy was my mental point of origin. Your comment... It's not about seeking approval or disapproval from other people caused a sudden shift in perspective. I didn't even see before that approval/disapproval was a false dichotomy. My assumption was that if approval seekin…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/03/21 10:16 PM
3

OYS 9 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 199 18% BF Navy. One rep max: Bench 240 Squat 250 Deadlift 290 MMSLP, MAP, SALSM, Ironwood, MRP sidebar, TRP sidebar, Pook, WISNIFG, NMMNG, Not Nice, Rational Male, Manipulated Man, Virtue of Selfishness, Moral Animal, Beyond Good and Evil, Genealogy of Morals, TWOTSM, Kung Fu Panda. Reading the Unchained Man. MAP Reds My big three reds from MAP are oneitis, blaming, and people pleasing. Oneitis, or stop emotional tunnel vision. My goal is to do the…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/03/21 12:53 PM
1

I had never seen that movie before. Just watched it. There is no secret ingredient.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/02/21 02:09 AM
1

u/Guiltandshame99 I think you noticed right where I'm weak in this area How do we know there is nothing in common if we don’t even know ourselves. That's something I'm trying to develop right now and I'm not very far along yet, so that's going to hamper my ability to connect with others because I don't know what we could connect around. This is a focus for development. And as you point out, Zen, it's on me to find what I want to do, make it happen, and invite people along. This seems like yet an…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/02/21 05:23 PM
1

Who else is attracted? Who else would fuck you? No one that I’m aware of. This is an action in my MAP to develop this pipeline, and my social circle in general. No fucking frame. I’ve been turning my mind inside out looking for a reason I don’t have frame, have external mental point of origin, and am not assertive. I had hoped finding that reason would flip the switch in my head and get rid of all those things. Maybe there isn’t a reason. You said last week that it’s a process. Maybe the secret …
/r/MarriedRedPill24/02/21 08:38 PM
3

You’re pointing out exactly where I’m struggling. Sacrificing myself for others was a life objective until the last few weeks, as I’ve been focusing on this through the lens of the career beta post. Perversely, being taken advantage of was almost a point of pride throughout my life. I let my instinct to protect and provide overrule everything else. That’s my fault. The way you broke this down helps a lot. It really is that simple. I just need to believe it. You laid it out in a way that really d…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/02/21 05:20 PM
1

My judgment is clouded right now. I’m going from covert contracts to blame and anger, which are problems entirely in my perception, not in objective reality; I haven’t come out the other side. Once I’ve fixed my own mindset I can answer that question.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/02/21 04:41 PM
1

OYS 8 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 199 18% BF Navy. One rep max: Bench 240 Squat 250 Deadlift 290 Read MMSLP, MAP, SALSM, Ironwood, MRP sidebar, TRP sidebar, Pook, WISNIFG, NMMNG, Not Nice, Rational Male, Manipulated Man, Virtue of Selfishness, Moral Animal, Beyond Good and Evil, Genealogy of Morals, TWOTSM. Reading the Unchained Man. MAP Reds My big three reds from MAP are oneitis, blaming, and people pleasing. Oneitis, or stop emotional tunnel vision. My goal is to do the number of…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/02/21 11:57 AM
1

I'm an idiot that doesn't learn... Shit DEER by you I was angry that you implied that I write entire books around shit that doesn't matter. And I wanted to prove my shit is different and important. I was hate myself for being a Career beta, nice guy, And I wanted to prove that I'm changing. I thought if could show you that my writing isn't influenced by being a beta then that would mean I'm not one. That's just stupid. Writing this way doesn't make me a beta, being a beta makes me write this way…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/02/21 01:42 PM
3

That's an excellent skill to develop. It seems like the very same skill that would be used to maintain composure during shit tests. Whether it's my own thoughts or someone else's words, just let them go.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/02/21 08:27 PM
2

I did say that your mentality can change quickly, and this is what I meant, when it just clicks. You did say that; and honestly I didn't believe you, because it seemed like an insurmountable feeling. I didn't know it could just click like it did. Now I believe you. Thanks again for pointing that out.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/02/21 08:02 PM
1

I agree and disagree. I think you mentioned the career beta and nice guy to imply that there is validation seeking behind either my wordiness or length. If so, you're correct, and I hadn't noticed that, so thank you for pointing it out. But I'll continue to use a lot of words. I equate writing an OYS to showing your work on an engineering or math problem. If you arrive at the wrong answer, it's easy to trace back to the error and fix it. If you assume everyone knows how you got the answer but do…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/02/21 07:54 PM
2

Thank you for the continuous course corrections over the past few weeks. I'm putting my focus on just the question of who I am for the rest of this week; it's been an infuriatingly elusive answer but the MAP makes a lot of sense as a framework.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/02/21 07:34 PM
3

OYS 7 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 199 18% BF Navy. One rep max: Bench 240 Squat 250 Deadlift 280 Read MMSLP, MAP, SALSM, Ironwood, MRP sidebar, TRP sidebar, Pook, WISNIFG, NMMNG, Not Nice, Rational Male, Manipulated Man, Virtue of Selfishness, The Moral Animal, Beyond Good and Evil, Genealogy of Morals, TWOTSM. Watching the WISNIFG sidebar video, reading The Practicing Stoic. The comments last week dismantled a lot of ideas that I held. I spent most of this week just trying to synth…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/02/21 01:21 PM
1

That would be an incredible thing to truly understand.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/02/21 02:56 AM
3

I think you're looking for u/alphabeta49
/r/MarriedRedPill13/02/21 01:43 AM
1

There might be a selection bias there. There might be and I hope there is. I haven't been around long enough to notice that so it's interesting that you made that observation. I know that if I nuke fast I will deprive myself of an opportunity to get rid of a lot of faults; faults that would lead to me being the common denominator in all my failed future relationships. So I need advice that will prevent premature decisions. u/Ubermensch33 gave you some really important input And I'm still trying …
/r/MarriedRedPill12/02/21 01:31 PM
1

Maybe I do. But your comment and others caused me to question why I wanted them, and that revealed excuses, attachments, and projection. I need to clean that out, and maybe once I've done that, the authentic desire will still be there. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/02/21 01:18 AM
2

This sounds like total bullshit to me. This is a list of things you think other people think are cool and worthy. That's interesting, I somehow hadn't looked at this from the external validation angle. That would make perfect sense, given my nice guy tendencies. Just trying to synthesize this with the two other comments on this section... u/ImpatientZen made me realize that I'm using what I want as an excuse to resent my relationship; u/HornsOfApathy made me realize that I really just want freed…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/02/21 08:39 PM
1

Regarding the shit test, how you would handle it if the intern at work talked to you like that? My knee jerk reaction would be closest to amused mastery. The biggest reason she talks to you that way is because you expect and allow her to. Figure out why. So why do I not have the same amused mastery reaction to my wife? The simplest answer would be that I don't feel mastery, or control, in the relationship. That's not the relationship we have. Or rather, as you say, I haven't done this: Reframe y…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/02/21 08:17 PM
1

FWIW I am glad I waited to nuke. I've managed to really get to the bottom of a lot of things I needed to hear this again, apparently. It's always hard to resolve to put my head down and do the work when there is an easy way out. But I know in the long run I'll be glad I stuck it out and fixed myself, no matter the outcome. ...BS. There is literally nothing on that list you can't do while married. Some of it would even be easier, FI for example. I could argue with you on this point, but you made …
/r/MarriedRedPill10/02/21 08:02 PM
1

I see a couple of nuances that I didn't before. You're right, all the things I said I wanted are just manifestations of that one core desire for freedom. In my head, I tend to give specific form to a general desire, and fixate on that specific form (FI or whatever), when really I just want freedom. So my scope of focus was too narrow here. My thought process regarding relationships is still too binary. I honestly can't understand what it would look like to have a relationship in my frame instead…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/02/21 05:49 PM
1

Your bench, squat, and dead are way too close to each other. You're right, I didn't know how to work out before. My idea of fitness for most of my life has been go for a run and do some pushups. I'm on a balanced program now and this will resolve in time. Your wife berated you and you are proud of yourself for just taking it and not making excuses? I'm aware that this is pathetic. Am I proud of where I am? No. Am I proud that my response in this situation was actually progress? Yes. A week ago I…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/02/21 07:11 PM
5

OYS 6 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 201 18% BF Navy. One rep max: Bench 240 Squat 250 Deadlift 280 Read MMSLP, MAP, SALSM, Ironwood, MRP sidebar, TRP sidebar, Pook, WISNIFG, NMMNG, Not Nice, Rational Male, Manipulated Man, Virtue of Selfishness, The Moral Animal, Beyond Good and Evil, Genealogy of Morals. Watching the WISNIFG sidebar videos, reading TWOTSM. MAP Reds My big three reds from MAP are oneitis, blaming, and people pleasing. Oneitis, or stop emotional tunnel vision. My goal …
/r/MarriedRedPill09/02/21 12:16 PM
2

I hadn't thought about it like that before. Thank you.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/02/21 08:01 PM
3

Thanks, that's very kind, and I'll try to forget it immediately... this is all I can think of now... Sports Illustrated Cover Jinx
/r/MarriedRedPill03/02/21 03:00 PM
2

That's a really good summary of what has taken me a long long time to learn. The only way to stop dancing is when your self-worth comes from inside of you. The only way that happens is through raw self-determinism. And this is what I'm still trying to learn. Still a long way to go.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/02/21 02:35 PM
2

The amount if control this woman has over your own self worth is disgusting. It's actually a relief to hear this. I spent so long trying to convince myself that this is normal that I've forgotten what it's like to not believe it. Objective assessments are really helpful in keeping myself from sliding back into apathy. Thanks for that. You're trying to read the tea leaves of a woman's mind Yes. I definitely used to believe we could communicate overtly. It's an old habit and it's hard to shake, bu…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/02/21 02:30 PM
21

OYS 5 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 204 19% BF Navy. One rep max: Bench 240 Squat 250 Deadlift 280 Read MMSLP, MAP, SALSM, Ironwood, MRP sidebar, TRP sidebar, Pook, WISNIFG, NMMNG, Not Nice, Rational Male, Manipulated Man, Virtue of Selfishness, The Moral Animal. Watching the WISNIFG sidebar videos, Reading Beyond Good and Evil. MAP Reds My big three reds from MAP are oneitis, blaming, and people pleasing. Oneitis, or stop emotional tunnel vision. My goal is to do the number of approa…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/02/21 12:00 PM
2

But for most of us it comes off as a sarcastic butt-hurt idiot hiding behind humor for quite a long time. This is something I need to start watching for. I am aware that I use humor to protect myself; I very consciously developed this skill earlier in my life to avoid being a perpetual loner. But I somehow hadn't made the connection between humor with my wife and protecting myself. What am I protecting, or more precisely why do I feel hurt? I think, in this case at least, a covert contract fell …
/r/MarriedRedPill27/01/21 01:59 PM
2

Thanks, u/LARP_No_More mentioned this as well along with a 0.3mg recommendation. I may test some herbal stuff first and then go back to this.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/01/21 07:49 PM
3

Do you feel guilty or do you expect something in return? I think it's both. I think I gave myself too much credit on wanting to set a boundary; it was more like I was hurt and retaliated by refusing to comply. I was hurt because, yes, honestly, every bullet point on the list sounds great to me right now. And then I lashed out because I knew that none of them were going to happen even if I did what she asked. And then I really did feel guilty. Whose frame is the dominant one there? I was running …
/r/MarriedRedPill26/01/21 05:09 PM
6

Shit deer by you. Now I see it. Thanks for pointing that out. ...it means you tolerate it. The reasoning in my head has always been that I do things for her because I'm an unselfish and loving person, not to get gratitude. But this doesn't hold up to scrutiny. Given my little meltdown, I obviously do things for her just because When I Say No I Feel Guilty. It's literally right there in the title. Jesus I'm fucking blind. Thanks.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/01/21 04:04 PM
13

OYS 4 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 204 19% BF Navy. One rep max: Bench 230 Squat 240 Deadlift 275 Mental Read MMSLP, MAP, SALSM, Ironwood, MRP sidebar, TRP sidebar, Pook, WISNIFG, NMMNG, Not Nice, Rational Male, Manipulated Man, Virtue of Selfishness, The Moral Animal. Shit tests. Improving slowly. I’ve ignored a couple of times in response to shitty remarks. A couple of times I’ve gotten requests in a unreasonably angry tone of voice, and I refused and told her I wasn’t helping unti…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/01/21 01:47 PM
1

Point taken. I tend to make this mistake a lot. I interpret something only as a prescription- STFU- when it's truest form is a description of what a self actualized man would have just done naturally and unconsciously. The point isn't to imitate that man, it's to be that man. Even so, imitation has one good result. When I finally started to do a little STFU, I felt for one fleeting moment what it must be like to actually be that man. That's more than enough motivation to keep putting in the work…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/01/21 12:57 AM
3

Thank you for this comment. I had noticed the username similarity and I think you've got me figured out. If you are like me, you will be very... if not happy then weirdly comfortable processing these concepts, philosophies and stuff. Yeah, that's 100% accurate, part of my mind just wants new koan to play with. So, you're right that I should be putting all of that aside and actually doing shit. game women, including your wife. I've been thinking through how to put this into practice. I have no ga…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/01/21 03:30 PM
2

It's probably a generous timeline. It's driven more by my overarching goal to get to DL5/Map Phase 3 by 2022. So really, fixing my mindset (the first 4 levels) is the limiting factor to get to wardrobe upgrade (level 5), not the rate of weight loss. I also realize this makes it look like I'm taking the steps/levels way too literally. This is all just for planning purposes to get everything into a framework and set goals. In reality I don't know how long any of this takes.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/01/21 06:13 PM
3

I guess I missed the memo. Maybe I should add Nietzsche to my reading list.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/01/21 06:06 PM
2

Thank you, it's helpful to know the why behind it.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/01/21 02:56 PM
3

u/HornsOfApathy made a comment last week on another OYS that may as well have been directed at me. This was my interpretation of what it would mean to operationalize that comment. (edited link)
/r/MarriedRedPill19/01/21 02:16 PM
5

OYS 3 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 204 19% BF Navy. One rep max: Bench 230 Squat 240 Deadlift 270 Mental Read MMSLP, MAP, SALSM, Ironwood, MRP sidebar, TRP sidebar, Pook, WISNIFG, NMMNG, Not Nice, Rational Male, Manipulated Man, Virtue of Selfishness, The Moral Animal. Shit tests. I’ve been studying this in the sidebar and found I had a misconception about STFU. I thought it was literally saying nothing, but it seems like it can be saying words that mean nothing, by fogging for examp…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/01/21 12:36 PM
1

The problem was my criteria for selecting projects, not the number of available options. I picked projects for the wrong reason, approval. This led to diffusion of effort which reduced my effectiveness. The best marketing is success and that's what I intend to get by focusing on the handful of projects with the best visibility or skill acquisition.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/01/21 01:53 PM
1

it seems like you are setting up your wife as the prize that you were lucky enough to have a turn with. This is the exact mindset I'm trying to break. Thanks for pointing that out. you have to act on this stuff too in order to internalize any of it. So for example, I don't believe I'm the prize. If I act as though I am the prize, isn't that LARPing? Or fake it until you make it? How would you approach this?
/r/MarriedRedPill14/01/21 01:13 AM
1

OYS #2 33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 204 19% BF Navy. One rep max: Bench 225 Squat 235 Deadlift 270 Mental Read MMSLP, MAP, SALSM, Ironwood, MRP sidebar, TRP sidebar, Pook, WISNIFG, NMMNG, Not Nice, Rational Male, Manipulated Man. Shit tests. I mentioned last week my AA is shitty sarcasm; I may have figured out why. I try to use AA to DEER without explicitly DEERing. The exact problem is that I try to defend myself with AA- I need to be willing attack myself with AA, to show it doesn’…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/01/21 05:01 PM
2

Thanks for the alternative perspective. My choice of carnivore wasn't made out of dogmatic belief, it was a pragmatic necessity- it's just effective, and that's all I care about right now. I'm looking forward to switching it up eventually when it's no longer needed.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/01/21 12:27 AM
3

I'm gravitating towards two or sometimes one meal per day organically; with carnivore I'm rarely hungry. I eat mainly based on convenient times in my schedule.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/01/21 06:41 PM
3

Take .3 mg That's interesting. I went back and reviewed my sleep data and sleep latency is up and sleep efficiency is down since I made the last step transition from 1mg to 0mg, which is not what I want. I don't recall having any hangover effect at that level, which does suggest there is a low optimal dose. Thanks for the suggestion. IRAs and self-employment 401Ks I was imprecise here. I'm contributing to an HSA, contributing up to the max match on employer traditional 401k, and partially fundin…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/01/21 06:29 PM
2

I'm definitely experiencing that. My workouts right now are designed to maximize glycogen depletion and strength progress is slower as a result. I hadn't thought that far ahead yet, but once I'm at target weight and no longer trying to cut, keto probably isn't necessary. I'll think through some other options. Thanks.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/01/21 06:19 PM
2

I take it you've never been your own mental point of origin. You've always been living for someone else and trying to please them. That's accurate. Did you do the breaking free exercises in NMMNG? If not - go back and do so. Yes, I'm in a NMMNG group doing the exercises. Thank you for the comment, it helps to know there is a roadmap out.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/01/21 08:17 PM
5

I choose gladiator. I'll post iron numbers next OYS.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/01/21 12:18 AM
1

You're right, this isn't sustainable and it's not intended to be. When I hit my target weight I'm going back to keto. 5/2 is a temporary means to an end.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/01/21 10:47 PM
9

Somehow I doubt that pointing out that they are latex will make it less gay.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/01/21 05:32 PM
2

I took caffeine pills, which made it easy to quantify my intake, and even easier to overuse. I think a small amount, occasionally, may be beneficial, but I was way past that.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/01/21 05:30 PM
22

OYS #1 33M/32F no kids. 5’11” 208 20% BF Navy. Married 10 years. As usual, sex was where things came to a head. She experiences pain if I put it in so we haven’t had PIV sex in several years. We haven’t kissed in probably eight years. Oral, anal, and hand jobs have never been on the table. Basically sex means I eat her out for however long it takes and then she rolls over and I hump her ass for a few seconds. This happens maybe once a week. I always blamed her for this; obviously she was defecti…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/01/21 12:56 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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