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tkarrde38 Archive

View 9 posts and 129 comments by tkarrde38 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

OYS #10 43M, 5'11", 185 lbs, married 12 years, 3 kids Have read all sidebar books. Still have much to internalize, especially abundance, OI and letting go. -- mission: build my company, work 20 hours a week or less, continue to grow my income, build with my hands every day, be a great dad, own as much of my time as possible. -- lifts: push/pull/legs split. Want to maintain mass/not lose at this point. On vacation, so hit the gym twice again this week, just trying to maintain, 185x12 bench, sets …
/r/MarriedRedPill10/07/24 02:10 PM
1

All makes sense. Whenever I withdrew attention to focus on what I wanted to, I believed I was doing it for me. I am open to hearing there was a covert contract in there. But I believe I was doing it because I liked what I was doing, not to punish my woman.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/07/24 01:36 PM
1

So honest question — how do we know when focusing attention and energy elsewhere is a covert contract versus something one does for oneself? Similar with dread — can argue it’s all a covert contract or can say it’s self-improvement with OI..but unless you are prepared to divorce we can’t say its 100% OI I don’t think? Thanks appreciate the feedback
/r/MarriedRedPill06/07/24 06:08 PM
1

Message received though I will read and reflect more thanks all !
/r/MarriedRedPill04/07/24 10:48 AM
1

Reprioritizing energy, not a tool to get an outcome Process v end result is how I looked at it And yes anytime I got busy on my non-woman life my woman always seemed to find me
/r/MarriedRedPill04/07/24 10:33 AM
1

Yeah I got so bored of my stbx sfter awhile that she used drama to get negative attention and generate feelz…when the desire fades there needs to be more to fall back on for sure.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/07/24 09:49 PM
2

That’s interesting. My desire is based in more than looks. I agree it’s wise not to take her emotions seriously. Over time if enough of her behavior isn’t additive, i don’t think the root cause of finding her “unattractive” is as much about validation as it is about cost/benefit. But something to think about for sure.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/07/24 09:39 PM
2

Love it, and agreed!
/r/MarriedRedPill03/07/24 09:10 PM
1

It’s a great take and I’m glad to hear it’s working for you. Always great to hear people’s stories
/r/MarriedRedPill03/07/24 09:04 PM
1

So you should always fuck women and want to fuck women, even if they misbehave or act unattractive?
/r/MarriedRedPill03/07/24 07:16 PM
1

No one is putting a woman in charge of sex This is about refocusing his priorities so he stops seeking her sex for validation and has some standards of what is attractive and what is not attractive I’m not suggesting he always make her initiate forevermore…but to recalibrate I think it’s a good To each his own
/r/MarriedRedPill03/07/24 06:52 PM
1

100% She is replaceable. I outgrew her. Onward! Thank you brother
/r/MarriedRedPill03/07/24 02:01 PM
2

Oh and also you said: “ I am doing some work on my life’s mission right now. The misalignment is in terms of sex life i.e. her being happy with once a week.” Your mission isn’t sex. Your mission is your masculine focus and drive and purpose. Ultimately, sex should be what your wife uses to pull you back to her when you are on your mission and something you both use to reestablish connection. It is not what you should do to try to feel better about yourself. Your mission comes first…I think most …
/r/MarriedRedPill03/07/24 11:18 AM
1

Gotcha So I don’t always think you can occupy the masculine pole and just make her feminine. Yes, they harmonize..but sometimes her conditioning is so strong no amount of masculine strength can compel her to abandon her feminist/pseudo masculine persona. I hope you can bring her around, just go a bit easy on yourself as there are social forces at play here far larger then you…this is what’s killing western society btw. Read way of the superior man. Become the masculine man you were born to be. H…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/07/24 11:00 AM
2

OYS #9 43M, 5'11", 185 lbs, married 12 years, 3 kids Have read all sidebar books. Still have much to internalize, especially abundance and OI. -- mission: build my company, work 20 hours a week or less, continue to grow my income, build with my hands every day, be a great dad, own as much of my time as possible. -- lifts: push/pull/legs split. Want to maintain mass/not lose at this point. On vacation-ish, so hit the gym twice again this week, just trying to maintain, 185x12 bench, sets of 12 pul…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/07/24 02:22 AM
1

How do you feel about once a week sex? And how do you think she looks weight-wise, for your attraction to her? Can/should she lose weight, if you could make it happen? And you own the finances which is great. How is she lately in terms of trying to drive the rest of the relationship's frame? Why are you thinking she is not aligned with you? Do you have life dreams that are different from how you have been living?
/r/MarriedRedPill03/07/24 02:10 AM
2

I disagree it's bad to set the frame "cuddles aint free" but IMO you do it indirectly. In the past I verbalized it and it was a big mistake. If she denies the fuck and goes to cuddle, give her like a minute and then say you're tired and go to bed. Message sent, no words exchanged. That IMO is the smarter way...
/r/MarriedRedPill03/07/24 02:04 AM
4

Why did you want to fuck her after she told you she was done with the relationship? Do you see the issue there? No judgement from me brother, I have had similar thoughts. But she doesnt deserve your fuck at that point. And you shouldn't want to fuck her either. It's about approval/validation, because to your point, you are not ready to end the relationship. Next time she pulls this shit, get focused on your mission and whatever excites you in life. Wait for her to find you...and try to wait for …
/r/MarriedRedPill03/07/24 01:59 AM
3

Next time just roll her over rather than say it.The refusal of doggy was her attempt at maintaining control, which of course neither of you want. Take the win on the unprompted lingerie, but keep at it. Oh and have you read way of the superior man? He talks about controlling your own orgasm and not nutting all the time...it's a more powerful version of the "zip up and eject" move. I have done both. The zip up and eject gets lots of drama. The fucking and no nutting is far more interesting -- it'…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/07/24 01:54 AM
1

Thank you brother Back home this week will post my updated OYS tonight
/r/MarriedRedPill02/07/24 08:57 PM
2

OYS #8 43M, 5'11", 185 lbs, married 12 years, 3 kids Have read all sidebar books. Still have much to internalize, especially abundance and OI. -- mission: build my company, work 20 hours a week or less, continue to grow my income, build with my hands every day, be a great dad, own as much of my time as possible. -- lifts: push/pull/legs split. Want to maintain mass/not lose at this point. On vacation-ish, so hit the gym twice, just trying to maintain, 185x12 bench, sets of 12 pullups, 225x8 dead…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/06/24 02:32 PM
1

OYS #7 43M, 5'11", 185 lbs, married 12 years, 3 kids Have read all sidebar books. Still have much to internalize, especially abundance and OI. -- mission: build my company, work 20 hours a week or less, continue to grow my income, build with my hands every day, be a great dad, own as much of my time as possible. -- lifts: push/pull/legs split. Want to maintain mass/not lose at this point. This week I had a strained shoulder so backed it off to bench of 185x12, pullups 3 sets of 12, deadlift mult…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/06/24 02:34 AM
1

OYS #6 43M, 5'11", 185 lbs, married 12 years, 3 kids Have read all sidebar books. Still have much to internalize, especially abundance and OI. Favorite sidebar book is TWOTSM. Re-reading Book of Pook. -- mission: build my company, work 20 hours a week or less, continue to grow my income, build with my hands every day, be a great dad, own as much of my time as possible. -- lifts: push/pull/legs split. Want to maintain mass/not lose at this point. This week I benched 215x9, pullups 3 sets of 12, d…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/06/24 06:28 PM
2

Food and fucks The rest is window dressing Pull back your commitment if you’re not getting reciprocity. Focus on shit that consumes you.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/06/24 02:07 PM
1

Ok so I don’t have the whole back story here but do you like your wife? Cause from this one post it feels like you want it to end but you don’t want the blame Could be way off it’s just a vibe
/r/MarriedRedPill10/06/24 10:22 AM
1

She let you fuck as a reward for entering her frame Don’t chase a woman trying to repair her problems. Let her come to you if it’s festering. It’s her upset. You chasing her for resolution is about your own anxiety and it establishes a bad power dynamic. Don’t worry about it this time but in general get busy and let her come to you
/r/MarriedRedPill10/06/24 10:18 AM
1

Yeah man I’ll touch base later today and DM you. My journey is ending in divorce fyi … when you try to make yourself your own mental point of origin some hard truths may surface
/r/MarriedRedPill10/06/24 10:08 AM
2

Man o man I could have written this So much to comment on but I’m on my damn phone Few things: try (I know it’s hard) to focus less on sex. My stbx wife eventually initiating 75% of our sex but it took giving her space and being so engaged in my mission I didn’t care about interacting with her. Women use sex to charm/gain access. Weak men use sex to reassure themselves. You know this now so work on it. Now I struggled for years with a feminist wife. How feminist is she? Are you liberal too? I ho…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/06/24 01:41 AM
1

I do not believe I am being passive. I want to continue living my life, exactly as I have been (with continued personal reflection/growth/etc of course). She does not. That is the source of the conflict. I entered the relationship "alpha" and lived on my terms almost all the time. She has been anxious about me cheating since we met. As I aged, I am sure I entered her frame pyschologically during arguments etc. But where we live, what we do, how I spend my personal time, where we vacation, all my…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/06/24 04:48 PM
1

Yeah in my situation she is driving the process but it clearly started as a bluff. So basically, she's pushing full steam ahead while chumming me every few days to pander or respond to her hysteria with a convo. No pleading or asking what she can do to keep it together. If it was the latter, I may consider, although honestly I dont think I should. But I am absolutely not going to give it another chance on the increasingly woke feminist terms. Still in the house. Still in the bed. Temporary order…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/06/24 01:47 AM
2

OYS #5 43M, 5'11", 185 lbs, married 12 years, 3 kids Have read all sidebar books. Still have much to internalize, especially abundance and OI. Favorite sidebar book is TWOTSM. Re-reading NMMNG. -- mission: build my company, work 20 hours a week or less, continue to grow my income, build with my hands every day, be a great dad, own as much of my time as possible. -- lifts: push/pull/legs split. Want to maintain mass/not lose at this point. This week I benched 215x8, pullups 3 sets of 12, deadlift…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/06/24 02:38 AM
1

OYS #4 43M, 5'11", 185 lbs, married 12 years, 3 kids Have read all sidebar books. Still have much to internalize, especially abundance and OI. Favorite sidebar book is TWOTSM. Re-reading NMMNG. -- mission: build my company, work 20 hours a week or less, continue to grow my income, build with my hands every day, be a great dad, own as much of my time as possible. -- lifts: push/pull/legs split. Want to maintain mass/not lose at this point. This week I benched 2015x7, pullups 3 sets of 13, deadlif…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/05/24 03:50 PM
1

Thank you brother. I will tell you…I am bummed to have to wait on the apps. Will have to go discreet now which is more work but I have some leads… Thanks again
/r/MarriedRedPill24/05/24 04:54 PM
1

Yes, have read 48laws. I carved off my phone in hope of going on the apps, but have decided the juice ain’t worth the squeeze there right now. Good feedback. Still, carving off was important so she can’t see my call logs to lawyers etc..
/r/MarriedRedPill24/05/24 09:17 AM
1

Guys can rationalize away that they are doing this all for themselves, but fucking for validation is one of this things that is sneaky embedded and very very hard to unravel for most, IMO.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/05/24 01:22 AM
1

Yes agreed 100% great feedback. I try to be upbeat and playful. The defend values means hold for the outcome I want in mediation. I am not arguing with her. Lord knows she has tried “verbal intercourse” almost daily. It’s unreal what she tries to get attention over. Comfort would be great. It’s very hard for me to be there right now. Even the mediator commented on my lack of comfort (indirectly, but observing how cool I was compared w emotionally upset wife). I resisted wanting divorce for a lon…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/05/24 06:00 PM
1

Good call. Feel frame, talk it less
/r/MarriedRedPill23/05/24 01:08 PM
1

All great feedback Are you still living with her? Are you dating? Any other notes from the undeground are very welcome.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/05/24 11:54 PM
1

Yeah my state is no-fault. It's just, given her jealousy, I see it causing her to fight more etc.. But can I really let her own my dick another 8 months? As she overtly pleaded? I think we know the answer. I have retained an atty too. The mediation is kinda a joke...kid-gloving my wife, who is sobbing etc, but definitely helping bring her into reality a bit. Great feedback on STFU as much as possible. She "initiated" (history of divorce chicken) and this time I'm DNGAF let's go. She comes to me …
/r/MarriedRedPill22/05/24 09:52 PM
2

OYS #3 43M, 5'11", 185 lbs, married 12 years, 3 kids Have read all sidebar books. Still have much to internalize, especially abundance and OI. Favorite sidebar book is TWOTSM. Re-reading NMMNG. -- mission: build my company, work 20 hours a week or less, continue to grow my income, build with my hands every day, be a great dad, own as much of my time as possible. -- lifts: push/pull/legs split. Want to maintain mass/not lose at this point. This week I benched 2015x6, pullups 3 sets of 13, deadlif…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/05/24 07:37 PM
1

Okay thanks man will do.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/05/24 12:57 AM
2

Thanks for your comment I don’t know how to quote posts on my phone so let me try to cover everything Surely I have failed to lead her. I stopped liking her. I just lied to myself cause I’m codependent no doubt. I got lazy and focused on my mission more than her. I did invite her in, and she came, but she always lamented I had “walls”. She also always wanted to do more shit (dinners, parties, etc) that bored me. I hate topical socializing. You are right, there is no bright line for meeting new w…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/05/24 02:07 AM
-1

Women sense your power and they seek your life essence. I get the practical benefits. The symbolism to me doesnt sit well. Feel free to ignore me, just something to consider.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/05/24 04:10 PM
1

Whey are you getting a vasectomy? To each his own but I cannot fathom it. And I dont see how it's a good frame. But curious on your reasoning.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/05/24 03:54 PM
1

OYS #2 43M, 5'11", 185 lbs, married 12 years, 3 kids Have read all sidebar books, but never started an OYS and clearly need help. Favorite sidebar book is TWOTSM. Re-reading rationalmale at present, and 48 laws. -- mission: build my company, work 20 hours a week or less, continue to grow my income, build with my hands every day, be a great dad, own as much of my time as possible. -- lifts: push/pull/legs split. Want to maintain mass/not lose at this point. This week I benched 2010x8, pullups 3 s…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/05/24 02:53 PM
1

Thank you I will reread that link and continue internalizing. What do you suggest I do re not escalating? Many thanks
/r/askMRP12/05/24 02:20 PM
1

I’d avoid addressing sex directly at this point. Keep reading, watch for covert contracts in yourself, no overt declarations right now especially about wanting more sex. Take it, and be prepared to STFU if you’re denied by her.
/r/askMRP11/05/24 02:15 AM
2

Yes totally. It’s a huge decision and I am struggling with it. Wouldn’t pick her today. Can it work or is it too far off from what I want at this point. I admire you guys who can decide on something like this and be unwavering.
/r/askMRP11/05/24 02:12 AM
1

Thanks. When she melted down last week about a party and gals, I said “are u asking asking to come to the party w me.” She said no it’s too late, missed the party and then stalked pics. When she said the couch was uncomfortable could I sleep on it, I said no this was her deal I didn’t care if she slept in our bed When she asked where I was and in her head it was with a chick, I said “come here” and she refused and said “it’s all about sex” I bring this up to say she isn’t jumping at olive branch…
/r/askMRP11/05/24 01:38 AM
2

Yeah man I am hot/cold on her and she feeeelz when I don’t have love for her. She feels it bad. I don’t hate her. Isn't the bluff part of getting me to “fall in line”? That seems to be what I hear a lot reading around here… How would you use the jealousy/sadness as an opportunity to address the problem? As Maui and Horns suggest I assume? Thank you
/r/askMRP10/05/24 11:06 PM
1

So I’ve read all the books, including his frame book. I logically have OI I don’t emotionally have it — I think I have it, then something triggers me to flood. Any tips for making that leap and overcoming anxious attachment ? I am avoidant until drama then I go anxious. Dad bounced as a little kid prolly informs my attachment style
/r/MarriedRedPill10/05/24 10:31 PM
2

It is totally scoreboard shit, I agree and thanks for keeping me honest. I’m just so tired of the nuke threat game I don’t want to placate her with attention. This last one during my biggest moment of financial success and 100% owning my career frame in life, literally. But why do I keep ending up here? Yes because I didnt start an OYS for one, which I will now do. Maui asked me to lay out my vision to her. I have done that in the past from a place of love and abundance (but maybe not 100% OI I …
/r/askMRP10/05/24 10:18 PM
1

Having a frame of abundance Not being afraid of change Having conviction in my values and mission
/r/MarriedRedPill10/05/24 10:11 PM
1

No but im open to hearing.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/05/24 09:53 PM
2

Wow man You are a legend I admire your vision so much I will go lift (sanding by hand at the moment one of my projects) and mull on this. Profound But if I love her. Aren’t I coming to her, rather than her coming to me? You talked about all your mini Main events and how it was because you offered her comfort. I worry if I offer love and comfort I train her to pull this again…
/r/askMRP10/05/24 09:49 PM
1

I didn’t want to spam because I have a thread going on askmrp, good call I’ll link it here https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/1cos2z1/divorce_frame/
/r/MarriedRedPill10/05/24 09:37 PM
1

I agree, comfort has been a huge problem for me. Any suggestions for improving comfort going forward with women? My wife always goes shitty comfort which makes it hard. Also, and I believe you said this, you have to like your wife. Her liberal career frame (which has grown a lot with age) turns me off. Femininity triggers comfort response in me. As I improved, it felt like her LSE made her drag me down, which made me not want to offer comfort. It is a problem for me for sure. Probably tied to my…
/r/askMRP10/05/24 09:31 PM
1

OYS #1 43M, 5'11", 185 lbs, married 12 years, 3 kids Have read all sidebar books, but never started an OYS and clearly need help. Favorite sidebar book is TWOTSM. -- mission: build my company, work 20 hours a week, continue to grow my income, build with my hands every day, be a great dad, own as much of my time as possible. -- lifts: push/pull/legs split. Want to maintain mass/not lose at this point. This week I benched 205x8, pullups 3 sets of 12, deadlift 225x8, leg press 225x8 (knee probs) --…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/05/24 07:48 PM
1

Posted my first OYS. Thank you for pushing me, much needed.
/r/askMRP10/05/24 07:22 PM
2

100% correct My biggest weakness and while I try to stay “toes tappin” I’m sure she intuits it
/r/askMRP10/05/24 07:17 PM
4

HOA you are a legend brother appreciate you weighing in No game of chicken here my hamster is finally jacked on tren baby I see a great life either way But no life with her as-is
/r/askMRP10/05/24 07:14 PM
1

100%! What I have always done then she goes through the roof, ices me out, then comes days later for hot sex Rinse repeat for years coupled with annual divorce threats
/r/askMRP10/05/24 07:12 PM
2

I have not I had in the past but to your point it was always in her frame However she’s always pushed back with feminist BS about how I never answer to her, I’m only accountable to myself, I don’t care about her career/brain blah blah I’ll noodle on doing what you suggest. I get that it has to be my vision regardless of who is with me. Feels like I can do that when she next melts down w jealousy. Speaking of, her jealousy itself is so corrosive because it prevents her from ever truly supporting …
/r/askMRP10/05/24 07:06 PM
2

I want to live as I have been, owning my company, working to support my life not living to work, doing my mission of building and being with my kids and etc, basically living as I have been. I may want more kids. I want a woman who supports my purpose and matches my energy with femininity, not someone who competes with me financially etc. I am of course sad about the breakup of my marriage. However, it seems unlikely my wife can/will be the woman I am looking for given my path and her LSE. Maybe…
/r/askMRP10/05/24 06:29 PM
1

Totally right man thanks just what I needed many thanks
/r/askMRP10/05/24 06:01 PM
1

Yeah that’s my gut too, thank you brother. Why all the jealousy from her? Btw this has gone on our entire marriage, not new.
/r/askMRP10/05/24 05:56 PM
6

Wow man what a story Glad you survived and I agree better safe than sorry. Will take measures.
/r/askMRP10/05/24 04:42 PM
1

How were you forced too? Court order? Sorry to hear brother. Where does it stand for you now?
/r/askMRP10/05/24 04:23 PM
2

So when she flared up about me and other women, and lamented she couldnt come to a party we had planned to go to months ago, I asked her if she was asking to come. She refused and said "it's too late" "youve moved on" and missed the party (I went anyway) and is all upset other women were there. I bring this up to say -- I felt that was an olive branch by me. Per your comment, how would I convey being mentally and emotionally still "in the game" without giving her comfort/chasing her, which only …
/r/askMRP10/05/24 04:21 PM
3

I dont want to stay with her if she continue to medicate herself out of her feminine and lean into careerism and superficial life. Which means I probably dont want to stay with her. I just cant tell if I am completely delusional that she may shift her tone.
/r/askMRP10/05/24 04:11 PM
6

All good feedback, appreciate it.
/r/askMRP10/05/24 04:08 PM
4

Thanks. I will not leave the house...
/r/askMRP10/05/24 03:58 PM
1

Update for those on the edge of their seats. I decided to proceed with the initial divorce mediation "meet and greet" call today. I have thought much about divorce these past weeks and have no interest in fighting with my wife about anything -- "assume formlessness". My life is good. I love it. She wants to leave, GTFO. She was taken aback at how calm I was during the call and to learn I had already run all the numbers/scenarios. Afterward, she announced she doesnt like this mediator, we should …
/r/askMRP29/04/24 02:37 PM
1

Update. Thought a lot about the feedback here about getting my head out of wife's ass. My problem is I live as I want for months or a year at a time, then when she throws a nuclear tantrum (divorce) my frame crumbles. So maybe I never had frame. I am working on what I want. Will start an OYS this week to hold myself to better account. I know I want: to continue crushing my business to live a simple life to continue building with my hands to be a good father to my children to have more children t…
/r/askMRP23/04/24 06:30 PM
2

So you both WFH? Get out of the house everyday. Gym, friends, hobbies, even grocery shopping. Find little reasons to get space. Don't detail your whereabouts all the time. Add some mystery.
/r/askMRP18/04/24 04:13 PM
2

If you want kids, this is the end of the line with this one. Very sorry man. Letting go is always hard. Also, regarding your update, dont ever tell a woman you are afraid. IMO zero benefit. Regarding her comment she's not enough for you, this may be a (shitty) comfort test or she may be looking for you to kill the puppy by refusing to let you impregnate her. The hypergamous subtext there isnt pretty. Free yourself to find what you want. It will be painful for a bit, but is best long-term.
/r/askMRP18/04/24 04:11 PM
11

This all sounds like you are on the right track. Just be sure you are fixing shit around the house "for you" and not for her. Agree and amplify her 'u dont support me' bullshit.
/r/askMRP17/04/24 03:57 PM
1

Dominate the frame. It will be hard, no doubt, as you will have to fight her masculine energy back constantly. Honestly, I dont think big money is worth the bullshit that comes with a woman's career.
/r/askMRP15/04/24 11:23 PM
3

My wife tries the same shit. Best thing to do IMO is act unphased and dont acknowledge it when it's happening. Almost like her "live" feedback is fucking irrelevant to you. Cause it is. When she comes to bitch at you later, STFU until you can agree and amplify something akin to "thanks mom, glad we had this little talk" then walk away, etc. But she will likely escalate so dont do until you are ready to counter...
/r/askMRP15/04/24 11:21 PM
6

Get out of that community. Nothing good comes of it.
/r/askMRP12/04/24 07:18 PM
8

Look at the bright side. You are on solid ground if you divorce. Regarding your frame, and your mindset, it means nothing. Do you worship money? IE, is that what you value most about yourself and life? If yes, buckle up cause this will be rocky. Also, I have found every career woman seems to delude themselves their income raises their value, so you will need to be extra dominant. If money isnt the end all be all for you (I hope it is not), I recommend you reframe your thinking. Your wife's incom…
/r/askMRP12/04/24 03:42 PM
1

I've reflected more on your comments and have a few additional thoughts/questions. 1) You mentioned needing to pulvarize your girl. In my case, I think it's my wife's "bluepill" equalist/careerist frame that needs to die. Or this will never work. Either/or, not both. While certainly I wouldn't be here if my frame was "all that," I dont believe my wife ever viewed her SMV as higher based on her incessant jealousy. But who knows. 2) The final frame war indeed. We are in a cold war. No affection. F…
/r/askMRP11/04/24 05:58 PM
2

Sounds like my instinct to let her come to me is best. Can’t tell you how much I appreciate your wisdom. She knows how to exit the hamster maze…but she hasn’t surrendered yet.
/r/askMRP11/04/24 12:36 AM
1

We haven’t fucked in 30 days I have stopped initiating as it rewards this shitty behavior from her and is her play for drawing me into a fight. I do need to relax. Type A and all that shit. Thanks brother your feedback is awesome and so related to my experience of my wife
/r/askMRP11/04/24 12:16 AM
1

Thanks So hold frame, don’t pursue, accept that she is free to leave. I’ll be great either way. But no more living in her anxious frame. Stay plan same as go plan. Thanks again Ps. She asked today if we can buy a new car. I said no. Bitches lol
/r/askMRP11/04/24 12:06 AM
2

Thanks brother I’m also sober about 10 years congrats man keep it up
/r/askMRP10/04/24 11:37 PM
1

Love it
/r/askMRP10/04/24 11:36 PM
1

100% I’ve decided this time, if she leaves she leaves. No chase from me. I am fine either way and I’m tired of her trying to hold me back with her anxiety. OI is growing. Good moments and the bad/pangs still come but are less. Thank you
/r/askMRP10/04/24 11:36 PM
1

My instinct is to hold frame, be positive, not file divorce to "pre-empt" and because when times are good they are good. And because I do believe this may be a test I need to master about OI. However, if I am delusional, I appreciate being straightened out.
/r/askMRP09/04/24 09:51 PM
1

One quick update. I came home to a certified letter notice, and my wife says "when I saw that I thought you were serving me" as she is making me dinner. Dread or kill the puppy?
/r/askMRP09/04/24 09:25 PM
1

Thanks, all good feedback. Will check out the book!
/r/askMRP09/04/24 09:24 PM
1

If I give comfort when she engages "protest" behaviors aren't I just feeding the beast and being codependent? On the one hand I think I need to offer more comfort. On the other hand, I am with my wife and kids a lot, I am a present husband generally (I do go avoidant sometimes, when she goes anxious), I haven't "left" or "cheated" yet. In other words, I am not sure that taking on "fixing" this anxiety is something I can reasonably do. Feels codependent/unreasonable? There are literal instances w…
/r/askMRP02/04/24 05:35 PM
2

Update. It's been 2.5 weeks of cold war, through PMS and shark week (just ended today). No one is overtly unpleasant, we talk logistics, I am upbeat and focusing on gym, hobbies, social, work, kids, running the house (I do groceries, very active w kids etc). I continue to reflect on how I can better live my truth and why OI around divorce is so hard for me. Most of my close friends tell me I live life more on my terms/in my frame than anyone they know, but I still feel like I have room for growt…
/r/askMRP02/04/24 05:05 PM
1

I'm struggling with comfort. I am around my wife a lot (we both WFH). I am with my kids alot. I constantly do housework and other "nesting" actions. I realize comforting words are different. But I find it hard to believe my overall frame isnt providing some reassurance. However, as we both age and my SMV goes up, and her's down, I imagine more comfort is needed? The vulnerable/comfort comments struck me as a shit test akin to "We need communication for good sex" but I'm probably wrong. Per my re…
/r/askMRP01/04/24 03:56 PM
1

Totally on anxious attachment. And I am avoidant, until she starts her protest behaviors and then I get anxious. Any RP ways for helping manage that? Thx brother
/r/askMRP01/04/24 03:51 PM
1

It's funny, we are still in a cold war. Pleasant, but no affection. However, I have asked her to lead some tasks -- changing insurance, making a dessert, doing yardwork - and she eagerly accepts and reports back when she completes the tasks. I praise her when she does so. This all ties into one episode I skipped. Several weeks ago, i discovered she was spending a shit ton on groceries. I sat her down and said we need to set a budget, she got defensive, cried, I ultimately said I would take on th…
/r/askMRP01/04/24 03:49 PM
1

Good call. No reason, just cause
/r/askMRP01/04/24 03:45 PM
1

My assessment is I'm torn on whether I need to improve my OI or improve my comfort. But perhaps the answer is "its both." So how do you "dig out" of the comfort hole from here? Slowly I am sure, dont want to RAMBO comfort...
/r/askMRP28/03/24 07:02 PM
1

I framed it around reconnection and love, not needs. But that it's a core part of the union.
/r/askMRP28/03/24 07:00 PM
3

Thank you brother, all good feedback. More leadership/direction/comfort around her role supporting my mission. In terms of my overt expression that sex is required after she refused, I am thinking I have to table that power struggle for now and just DNGAF about sex for a week or two to try and regroup. Seems her desperation for comfort is obvious to anyone who is not me. Thanks
/r/askMRP28/03/24 06:08 PM
1

Thanks appreciate it. Put it on her, if that’s what she wants I want stop her … stfu. Any other tips welcome. I have been upbeat and reminding myself all is good no matter what. Her mood around me the past few days has been great, flirty etc.
/r/askMRP21/12/22 12:49 AM
1

Ok, so no more talk. By “door is wide open” does that mean you let her initiate proceedings as a final test of her resolve or do I take the lead ? Thx
/r/askMRP21/12/22 12:08 AM
1

Hmmm…so in that reality, do you lead the divorce process or put it back on her if that’s what she wants .
/r/askMRP20/12/22 08:26 PM
1

Around other gals? It was both. Examples: ”do you like what you saw” (ST)”I feel like I’m not good enough for you“ (CT) ”Look at your body language — it’s like you’re open to the room/not even here with me“ (ST) ”you are such an asshole” (ST) ”I feel like you’re going to leave me for a 22 year old” (CT) So regarding broken record v DEER, how do you state your position on divorcing or not without DEERING? I am not being passive aggressive, I would like help to understand. ​ TY
/r/askMRP20/12/22 02:13 PM
1

Yes but how to pull back on the divorce? She has taken no real divorce steps to my knowledge…but she seems to be trying to get me to come back to the conversation table.
/r/askMRP20/12/22 02:11 PM
1

Thank you so much. Your feedback is immensely helpful and I appreciate your willingness to help a stranger. Okay, I will up the comfort for the next few days, live into my vision of what I want, but will not seek out any relationship conversation with her. If she does not broach the relationship prior to the consult, I will broach after consult. THANK YOU!!! I will keep the thread updated…
/r/askMRP19/12/22 08:42 PM
1

Really helps, I really appreciate it. Will re-read this several times and digest it. If I want to own my position about not getting divorced, should I just cancel the consult and “put it on her” if she wants to proceed?
/r/askMRP19/12/22 08:26 PM
2

Haha I wont try to convince you. But I am. I do like her. I took her for granted along the way…not looking for revenge. I would actually like to experience a balanced intimate relationship.
/r/askMRP19/12/22 08:23 PM
1

Im here for feedback. I manage my kids, the conversation needed to end at that moment. The shitty thing is, to my non-close world, I am always energy-giving/charismatic, but I absolutely lost giving that consistently at home with my wife you are 100% right. It never went entirely away, but obviously I lost balance. I acted like a victim of my own choices — pathetic and sad. Regarding my plan/mission outside the marriage, it’s locked down and I pursue my goals, have success and spend my time livi…
/r/askMRP19/12/22 08:07 PM
1

Thanks dude. Any suggestions on how to proceed carefully? It sounds like offering comfort/control and reassurance while I continue my own inner journey. If you have any other suggestions I appreciate it.
/r/askMRP19/12/22 07:54 PM
2

Thanks, you responded to my other post on MRP a few weeks ago and suggested comfort. I took your advice and will continue applying comfort as I wade through sidebar and MAP.
/r/askMRP19/12/22 07:53 PM
2

I can see that. It became such a complicated area of the relationship that I want to step back from it but I realize I cannot do that for long…but interesting take that it’s a form of comfort, makes sense. I did real PSP btw, great book, however my wife is LSE.
/r/askMRP19/12/22 07:52 PM
3

Thanks, so own my frame, call off the meeting, continue to lead through my vision, offer comfort, sidebar. Thank you.
/r/askMRP19/12/22 07:51 PM
1

Well, she cooks and caters to me (sometimes). However, she maintains the "have it all" frame of a modern woman with all that entails including focus on her career. I have mad it clear that isnt important to me, but I am not opposed as long as she is available as wife and mother. But I have internalized that this is all "ON ME" so what steps would you be looking for her to take to better herself?
/r/MarriedRedPill06/12/22 10:24 PM
1

Definitely did. No doubt. Now wondering if it's past the point of no return...
/r/MarriedRedPill06/12/22 10:03 PM
0

It occurs to me We still were fucking a lot. But all options occur to me...
/r/MarriedRedPill06/12/22 09:39 PM
2

All good feedback, I went 'too far' for sure. How do you suggest dialing it back?
/r/MarriedRedPill06/12/22 09:32 PM
2

Thanks. Are you saying for me to be my "best self" the anxiety it causes her will continue to make this unworkable? Curious why you think I can't give her what she wants. I don't think you are wrong BTW. I agree she fantasizes about "changing me" which of course we know I cannot agree to...
/r/MarriedRedPill06/12/22 09:23 PM
1

Thank you man. Appreciate the love. I will pay it forward.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/12/22 09:21 PM
1

Right now I want to keep it together, because I dont want to run away from my failures. Also, right now, her words are "we are getting divorced" and that's how she's living on the one hand, on the other she is cooking, cleaning, calling me my nickname, seeking attention, and just used an excuse to return to sleeping in the bed after a week on the couch. I have read all of HOA's anxiety/depressive articles, and will do so again tonight. The hardest thing for me, has been in the past when I have t…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/12/22 09:09 PM
1

How would you back off the pedal? Thx
/r/MarriedRedPill06/12/22 09:06 PM
1

So basically, try to lead to positive emotions and internalize/vocalize I will be ok, but this is not my desire...but if its hers, so be it. Outside voices are huge. Women can backpedal, but it gets harder the more people like this are looped in...
/r/MarriedRedPill06/12/22 09:05 PM
1

She threatened, but is also pushing me to take next steps. She made 1 call that I know of and never did anything more. Okay, I will dismiss the kill the puppy stuff. Regarding the control game, you are suggesting I dial back the indifference for more compliance tests, positive reinforcement, leading, praising/etc? When she asks again about the status of the 'process' is my frame 'here is the date for our consultation' or 'i dont think we should do this, but if you're mind is made up we will proc…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/12/22 09:03 PM
3

My bad on askmrp I somehow missed that rule. How do you propose I fix my head? Own my shit and truly know what I want and act accordingly? Thanks brother.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/12/22 07:11 PM
8

I don't want to fail myself, my wife or my children after 10 years. But I also refuse to live a typical bluepill relationship like nearly everyone I see around me. I want to own my shit and trudge forward...in this if possible, in something new if not.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/12/22 07:07 PM
4

Not too many hugs. Framed her as my enemy in my mind. Sad! So you don't think comfort will drive her away? All advice is always "don't try to hold on" in a moment like this.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/12/22 07:03 PM
4

Low self esteem for sure. Straight out of "Practical Female Psychology" How would you lead out of this?
/r/MarriedRedPill06/12/22 07:02 PM
2

I have shored up my emotional reaction this round. I am much more matter-of-fact with her, however I appreciate it's a surprise for her given my history of entering her emotional frame. How do I show her I mean it with my control game? I don't want a divorce right now. What is best path forward. I do admit to struggling internally from 'lets get it on and my single life' to 'the poor kids.' I am sure, as Horns would say, she "feels through that."
/r/MarriedRedPill06/12/22 07:00 PM
2

Thanks, I have and am ready to retain 1 ASAP pending clarity on mediation...
/r/MarriedRedPill06/12/22 06:10 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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