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PriorPineapple3778 Archive

View 0 posts and 54 comments by PriorPineapple3778 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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5

https://www.drpsychmom.com/men-who-think-their-primary-value-is-being-a-workhorse/ Perhaps it's time to stop sacrificing all for others. There is nothing wrong with having a relationship where you receive what you need also. I was a Workhorse but changed things after my divorce 5 years ago. For any type of relationship to last in the long term it has to mutually beneficial.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 02:55 PM
1

Do you have any mechanism for straightforward and deep communication with one another? A venue where you can share difficult feelings without rancor or reproach of one another? It is natural for your marital situation and feelings to change over the years. That doesn't necessarily mean it's the wrong partner. However, you both need to be able to share your thoughts and feelings and see if adjustments can be made so that the relationship continues to meet both your needs. You have changed with yo…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 03:14 PM
1

👏👏👏 extremely well expressed, pertinent, actionable advice.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 03:41 PM
5

https://www.drpsychmom.com/when-women-consider-physical-touch-to-be-a-less-real-or-important-love-language/ Best article on the matter I have read. I would not stay in a sexless relationship. Been there. Done that. Never again.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 03:20 PM
12

"despite all that I don't really want to try". Listen to your gut
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 10:16 AM
1

I think society would be so much better off with such an arrangement. It would at least force folks to confront their issues head-on one every 7 years. Marriage is a contract. Why not make it time limited and renewable.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 09:54 PM
1

In many states if the divorce is an uncontested one with no property or custody issues the judge can simply grant the divorce via an order. That seems like what happened in your case.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 09:32 PM
2

It's like that old tree falling in the forest saying. If there are no men around to hear their gripes, do they make a sound?
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 02:08 AM
3

It sounds like she is truly having mental health issues. Is she on any medications? Many meds can produce adverse mental side effects in certain people. Delusional behavior, paranoia etc
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/25 02:45 AM
24

I think it just reflects that both sides are waking up to the fact that marriage as an institution sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 05:06 PM
4

After my divorce I spent a lot of time thinking about and defining what "love" means to me. We throw so much under the definition of "Love" in the English language. We have one word when other languages have up to 12 words for different types of love and feelings. I think we tend to confuse the honeymoon/romance/giddiness portion of a relationship for love oftentimes. I spent a lot of time looking back at my marriage and examining what things worked and what things didn't (mainly what didn't). I…
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 12:21 PM
14

You say this is what she and her lawyer want. So? That doesn't mean you have to give it. Fight back and protect your interests.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 10:59 PM
1

There are a lot of articles over at drpsychmom.com that might assist you in making your decision. She is a couples therapist who is pretty balanced between the male and female view. Most are not imo. She has many articles on marriages with mismatched sex drives: things that might be done and when to call it quits etc. https://www.drpsychmom.com/ This is one of her best articles imo https://www.drpsychmom.com/when-women-consider-physical-touch-to-be-a-less-real-or-important-love-language/
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/25 02:33 PM
1

Listen to this divorce attorney's interview on love and marriage to gain some clarity on the issue. https://youtu.be/o5z8-9Op2nM?si=YnK066BSZBOvvDfO
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/25 02:23 PM
5

I'm there one hundred percent on the check-ins. I was in a thirty two year marriage with little communication. It was both of our fault. I swore I would never do that again post divorce and lots of therapy. In my new relationship my girlfriend and I have a regularly scheduled time slot every two weeks to discuss our relationship. I figured I have weekly management meetings for businesses I own. If both of us are saying this relationship is important, we should be willing to dedicate time to addr…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 09:50 AM
5

A point for consideration. My two daughters took up horse riding when they were pre-teens. One became a nationality ranked rider in her early teens. However, they both quit the sport, on their own accord, to become members of team sports teams in high school. It is common for girls to lose their interest in horses as they get a bit older. I only wish the ranked daughter had quit prior to me buying her a fairly expensive horse. Perhaps some of the move away from horses might be coming from the gi…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 05:34 PM
3

Yes. You are in a toxic marriage. Her getting physical even once should be enough for you to realize it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 03:27 PM
6

I've learned that what I want/need is just as important as what she wants/needs. It has nothing to do with niceness. If we can meet those needs/wants in a mutually agreed, satisfactory manner, great! If not, we move on.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 03:19 PM
1

I have learned that maintenance of boundaries fully depends on myself:not on getting the other person to change or respect my boundaries. In a non-heated moment I simply state that I will do "x" should "y" occur. When y occurs I simply do the action I said I would. There is no discussion.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 03:02 PM
6

I think it can begin in childhood. If you have a demanding narcissistic mother you can be formulated to believe that your role is to take care of her and "make her happy". Your role becomes the provider. Nevermind what is good or healthy for you. This mindset then becomes transferrable to relationships with other women in adulthood
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 02:57 PM
1

And you're supposed to care what scares her? She obviously does not care what annoys you .
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 12:41 AM
2

As others say, keep them. It's a part of your life narrative. Are we now supposed to erase history? If so, it now gets done on your terms not hers. She has no say on the matter
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 12:37 AM
4

Since when does emotional connection trump physical connection? They are both equally valid. https://www.drpsychmom.com/when-women-consider-physical-touch-to-be-a-less-real-or-important-love-language/ https://www.drpsychmom.com/is-physical-touch-the-most-important-love-language/
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 12:28 AM
3

Jack Kornfield is the person who really made me first understand that forgiveness is really meant for our own healing. It also doesn't mean we will forget the transgressions committed. The story of the two prisoners resonated with me . https://jackkornfield.com/the-practice-of-forgiveness-2/
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 05:38 AM
2

Couldn't agree more. If there really was only one woman for every man in the world, how come most folks are finding their spouse within 50 miles of where they live? There are many potential women out there with whom a loving, caring relationship can be had. However, the hard work of knowing what you are looking for and also learning how to develop and nurture communication and a relationship must be developed. Importantly, that work involves knowing and enforcing your own boundaries.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 08:42 PM
1

For awhile during college I was a process server. It paid quite well. The difference between serving individuals and companies was stark. Individuals thought if they didn't accept service the problem went away. Incidents of the servee chasing me down the driveway and flinging the documents into the air as I pulled away in my car. OTOH when I went to a company I simply asked the receptionist "who accepts service?" They directed me to the correct person. They politely took the papers and signed my…
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/25 03:31 PM
2

In many jurisdictions after the process server has attempted to serve the papers and is unable to, they can do "nail and mail". They attach a copy to the door and they mail a copy to residence.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 04:11 AM
3

Do you really want to be in a relationship where this is how "communication" happens? She asks for a divorce because of a supposed infidelity when you were separated from a former spouse and she lets the divorce process wholly proceed because she is feeling a bit insecure? To get that relationship anywhere near a mature, two way communication process is going to take inordinate amounts of work: if it's even possible. As you say at the end "it's exhausting"! I am not sure I could or would even wa…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 02:21 PM
2

Admitting that she is incapable of loving? Is she sociopathic?
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 09:08 PM
14

This article is the best I've seen on when a woman doesn't want sex and devalues her partner's need for it. Treating it as if it's merely an optional add-on in a relationship. https://www.drpsychmom.com/when-women-consider-physical-touch-to-be-a-less-real-or-important-love-language/
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/25 05:34 AM
1

Glad you reached this point. This sounds like a hard won realization. Abide by it and keep moving forward in your life.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 07:50 PM
3

😂. Love that last casually thrown out piece of wisdom. Although I have found if you're wanting to get them more attention it truly helps.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 07:43 PM
3

Yes. I have been doing EMDR therapy. It really helped in resolving emotional baggage I had been carrying around for decades. This modality has been highly effective for me whereas with talk therapy I never made much progress.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 04:35 AM
0

You are the man, the provider. Sounds like she is going to be a stay at home wife! So she moves to where YOU can best provide. Exactly. Many of the posters to this thread are all for a man living his best life, as long as it entails completely sacrificing himself for others: his wife, his kid. This man can provide best in this new position and location. How about some reciprocity from her? Let him fulfill his responsibilities without having to engage in complete sacrifice.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 04:56 PM
1

The wife could very easily rectify the fact that he is in a different country by joining him there; as originally agreed. He agreed to have children and she agreed to live overseas. She unilaterally abrogated that agreement. He now needs to be the one to unilaterally forego everything to remain in the child's life?
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 03:18 PM
1

This is a very well reasoned and balanced reply.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 03:08 PM
1

There seems to be an assumption that what's best for the child is for him to return to the old locale to raise it. I was transferred overseas early in my career (and stayed there) and earned a much higher income and corporate benefits because of that. My children had an enjoyable and much higher quality of life than they would have had back home. They are now adults and often let me know they relished their overseas upbringing. This should be jointly factored into the equation by both partners i…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 01:47 PM
1

She backs out of the originally agreed plan. Now you "have to do the right thing", suck it up and forego your goals and return to a location you don't want to be in? Why? To be the white knight? She still has the ability to join you. Stay where you are, try to get her to move. If not, divorce but accept financial responsibility for the baby
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 09:22 PM
2

If there is one notion in society that needs to die it is " Happy Wife, Happy Life". What a one sided, responsibility shirking theory!
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 03:07 PM
2

Wow, your comment really shows how far you have come in reordering your priorities and boundaries. It's very encouraging.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 01:30 PM
9

It helps to remind yourself that very few people outside your relationship really care about the happenings in your divorce process. They are focused on taking care of themselves. Your ex will soon discover just how much real support those verbally agreeing with her childish comments will actually offer her IRL. It doesn't require much effort to make a social media reply basically saying "you go girl". That's a lot different from what you did for her all those years. Remember you are the one com…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/24 01:55 PM
1

Whenever I am tempted to play the savior role again I remind myself that nobody has or will be providing a financial safety net in my life. Folks have always expected me to earn my way through life. Why shouldn't the same apply to others.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 02:51 PM
1

I found her website post my divorce. However, I've gained a lot of insight into relationships from her articles: both interpersonal and my relationship with myself. I also did emdr therapy which helped me drop some baggage I had been carrying around. I'm now in a relationship where the communication (verbal, sexual etc) is so much clearer and better. It's this way because we both deliberately take a lot of what we've learned and make it a point to openly express what we need. We agreed we won't …
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 03:55 AM
1

Imagine the reaction if a man went into a woman's divorce forum and started telling women that they "were no longer little girls". The sheer level of obliviousness is absolutely astounding. Perhaps you should reexamine where you unfold the scolding mom act.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/24 05:18 PM
1

If you're dealing with someone like that, all the more reason to cut her off, close the wallet and lawyer up as so many others suggest. Use those twenty five bucks slugs of money in your own defense and self interest. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 06:22 PM
5

The dead bedroom aspect of the relationship displays its one sided nature. It doesn't appear she prioritizes any of your needs in the marriage. This is finally an article from a couples therapist that says sex in a marriage is just as important as putting in the work for emotional closeness. https://www.drpsychmom.com/when-women-consider-physical-touch-to-be-a-less-real-or-important-love-language/
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 06:17 PM
3

So she doesn't have twenty five bucks? Where is she going to come up with the cash to pursue her threatened litigation?
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 01:53 PM
3

Yes. We have two girls. They were both already established adults by the time we divorced. The first two years post were difficult and filled with a rollercoaster of emotions. The emotions subsided eventually as acceptance set in. I still have residual mixed emotions towards the ex. I respect her for the mother she is/was for my girls. She also was a good wife so I will respect her for the good years. There is some upset around the unexpected change in life plans but I have come to grips with it…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 11:20 AM
9

I see a lot of comments leaning towards she is not being truthful, she has another man etc. I am not sure I believe that. I was in a thirty two year marriage and also got a similar explanation as to why she wanted a divorce. We split and I know for a fact she has never dated since that point. She truly did go off, simplify her life and pursue new hobbies etc. We amicably parted and split everything fifty fifty. It was hard for the first year or two after the divorce. However, now I am pursuing n…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 05:34 AM
6

I think a lot of men are raised to be the "provider" or "protector" of others from a young age. We unthinkingly accept this as our role in life. However, after my divorce and lots of therapy I am much less willing to fill that role. At certain times I'm willing but not before fully thinking through the issues and consciously making a decision. Solving others' problems is no longer a default option. There are a lot of rocks that just aren't mine to pick up.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 04:26 AM
2

It seems that in the popular zeitgeist there is the automatic equating of being alone with loneliness. There are so many articles about the epidemic of loneliness etc. There is very little attention paid to the flip side of being alone, which is solitude and the attendant benefits from having solitude. I just read an interesting book called " The joy of not working ". He went into a lot of the discussion around what can be accomplished with solitude. It was a refreshing view.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 08:49 PM
1

My divorce triggered the need to let go of some baggage I had been carrying around for decades. These things did not originate in the marriage but definitely played a part in fomenting problems within it. I chose EMDR as the modality. Holy cow was it effective. Not easy but effective. Issues were truly resolved and let go of. Talk therapy had never really worked for me but EMDR did the trick.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 11:48 PM
2

This essay by Thich Nhat Hahn on loosening the knot of anger really helped me. His likening of dealing with anger to boiling a pot of raw potatoes really hit home for some reason. https://www.lionsroar.com/loosening-the-knots-of-anger/
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/24 03:46 PM
1

My guess is Reconciliation.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/24 03:35 PM
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