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View 6 posts and 4,201 comments by Tylikcat on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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–

You said approach. In it's purest sense, I'm not sure if cold approaches are good for anyone.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/26 08:55 PM
–

You can't control what you inherit, but who you are, as an adult, is still your responsibility. I was sexually abused by my father, and my mother helped cover up for him. (Though it shows up fairly blatantly in my medical records. Apparently in the late seventies a five year old could show up at the hospital semi-regularly with vaginal trauma and nothing would happen.) My mother also had her own issues. (What the hell was the thing where she cut open the pips of apple seeds and fed them to me on…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/26 08:53 PM
–

"because the overwhelming majority of men don't approach" This really hasn't been my experience. A majority of men who date do initiate. It might be the low initiating you do when you know someone socially, but they still initiate. (Mind you, being a decent looking outgoing woman who is comfortable initiating is like having super powers. I think more women should try it. But that's their choice.) Don't take the socially isolated men you meet online as a good sample of all men.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/26 08:33 PM
–

...and that's why martial artists are hot!
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/26 08:12 PM
–

I see a lot of men getting trapped in playing this performative masculinity game to impress / compare themselves against other men. Which if you enjoy and that makes you feel great is fine, I guess? But it seems more like a desperate attempt to get status. And it has little to do with appealing to or connecting to women. (I think one could get into a whole debate about whether it really is masculine, but honestly, I don't care.) To me, a jacked guy is kind of like the male equivalent to the high…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/26 08:10 PM
–

My dude, to you I am a random stranger on the internet. In a debate forum, not a support forum. I'm not patting myself on the back thinking I've helped some poor lonely schlub. I'm just pointing out that if you want a different outcome, there are a bunch of things you need to do. They're not easy. But also, it's pretty unlikely that anyone is going to do them for you. And at least at the beginning, you probably aren't going to have much help. (Though a therapist who can both encourage you but al…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/26 07:58 PM
–

At the very least, ground your argument in an understanding of historical context. Because these social expectations didn't arise from simps.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/26 07:35 PM
–

That they don't want to, and that they look down on men that don't. Look, I'm not favoring this approach, especially for the younger set. I preferred to initiate back in the eighties and nineties, when I was young, too. And now so many of y'all are anxious, not very social, and isolated. If anyone, man or woman, wants to get in a relationship, they should initiate, because sitting around waiting is dumb. But while I think more women should initiate for their own benefits, equally I think men not…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/26 07:32 PM
–

Men who do these things, but only for women they are interested in, are a red flag for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/26 07:28 PM
–

And yet men are more narcissistic overall. Or is it only a problem if it's women?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/26 07:17 PM
–

This is exactly why so often folks here are encouraging people to work on making friends and working on their social skills (and working on their social anxiety if that's an issue). Dating is social. Sure, there are forms of dating that are more introvert friendly - but it's going to be at least somewhat social, because it's dating. And it's going to be a lot harder if you aren't comfortable meeting new people and talking to them in low stakes ways. I get the impression a lot of guys here are ho…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/26 07:14 PM
–

I've had some pretty fun interviews, TBH. I enjoyed interviewing for my current position so much that I withdrew all my other applications the moment they offered me the job. And thirty years ago, at my first position at MS, I had a similar experience - I had an absolute blast interviewing with the team. I called my recruiter as soon as I found a phone and told her so (this was in '95, and I didn't have a cellphone). She was all "That's great, because I just got off the phone with them, and they…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/26 06:52 PM
–

Men who treat women like a maid while both work full time are common. It's also common for them to try to lure her into doing a lot of extra fancy meal prep and so on. And to have a lot of interest in having sex, but little interest in her pleasure. It's not all men, but it's a lot of men.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/26 06:47 PM
–

But I don't think that's what women are saying. (Though I do hear that in more traditional areas, women who initiate are often disfavored. While that hasn't been my experience, I'm a west coast girl, and have lived in places where there were far more rigid gender expectations.)
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/26 06:31 PM
–

What's the gaslighting? Some women approach (like me) but we're in the minority. Many don't. It might be to your advantage if more women were approaching (though would they approach you?) but she doesn't think it's to her advantage.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/26 04:05 PM
–

Men can talk about what they do and I'll believe them. But when they speculate about what women do, that is just speculation. This is simple.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/26 04:01 PM
2

"Personally, I have experienced how most women don't really want to date anymore. I usually approach 100 women per year. I don't try to make friends, just propose to date another day after talking for a while or if there is not much time to talk I just take their number, chat for a while and propose to date. Most women don't answer after proposing to date." This approach sounds pretty off putting to me. I do think it's important not to extrapolate that women aren't interested in dating from the …
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/26 05:48 AM
0

In the privacy of your own head, you can look at anything however you want. (Though it's more likely to color your behavior in ways other people notice than you might expect.) But it shows some pretty icky attitudes towards women, and it's likely you will express them in other ways.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/26 01:19 AM
1

Except I'm not hearing from them, I'm hearing what men claim is their motivation. Do you see the difference? If a woman said that men mostly just want to own women so they can get all the sex they want, should I believe that woman who claims to speak for men?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/26 12:05 AM
0

Because men here are saying they lie about what they're looking for in their online profiles. I believe them. Whereas it's the men who claim the women want plausible deniability. I would believe it if the women said it, but otherwise, it's just guys speculating on their motives.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/26 09:01 PM
–

When I had long hair it was almost always pinned up (sometimes with random objects, but most often nicely in a french twist or bun) or french braided - mostly because it was hip length and either in the way or too hot. (I was biking to work, and spending a lot of time in some pretty acrobatic martial arts, too.) There are a lot of advantages to something simple, which is wash and wear. And people want to express themselves in different ways.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/26 08:36 PM
0

No, plausible deniability is obscuring enough that it's unclear whether or not they're lying. Lying adjacent, say. This isn't an excuse of it, but the difference is important in terms of how it used. And in this case, the issue is that men are choosing to be dishonest about what they want, and say they're doing it because women want plausible deniability rather than owning up to doing it because lying gets them laid more, which is why they're doing it. It's not established that women do want pla…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/26 07:50 PM
5

And men have been the ones receiving affirmative action in college admissions for decades now. I don't think you read what I wrote correctly. Women never did in a general sense - because women were eager to go to college as soon as they were allowed, and our numbers increased without such external pushes. (There have been efforts to get women included in hiring, because well qualified women were not able to get jobs because of discriminatory environments. But that was mostly in the government se…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/26 07:44 PM
-1

Is it possible to view it as an achievement but keep that part of things to yourself? Because most women don't want to be a notch on someone's bedpost, and knowing you look at women that way is a huge turn off.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/26 04:31 PM
4

So once again, men lie and blame women for it...
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/26 04:29 PM
-2

We don't have power over you. Some of you try to give us your power. That's not the same.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/26 04:26 PM
4

"...and in the old days women generally did not work." Where the hell are you getting this? Most people worked in the ways they were able until they died. "People saying they are attracted to you is not opression..." People shouting across the stress to bring your ass over because they want to stick their dick in it is harassment, not a compliment. Seriously, get out of your bubble and read a few things. "they are the main beneficiaries of DEI/affirmative action programs..." Do you realize that …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/26 04:17 PM
14

A lot of women approach OLD with a lot of trepidation. Life gets busy? Something else comes up? Interest gone. Because it's so easy for it to be overwhelmed with "Is he going to be a skeevey loser like so many of the last ones?" You're basically meeting strangers, and talking to them online doesn't do that much to get past that.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/08/26 12:39 AM
1

Shorts are a good idea. I'm not a fan of suffering for fashion. Speedos might bit a bit less appropriate for more social less serious swimming occasions? And they're more revealing, for good and for ill. (But I've spent enough time with social nudity that I don't care.) Sandals? I mean, birks get made fun of on the regular - though while they're not my thing, I think they're fine. I hear folks complaining about sandals and socks, but really, that's regional - both the PNW coast and Germany are k…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/08/26 12:36 AM
5

Your phrasing makes me wonder if it was in terms of being attracted to people around them? I don't look at random people and think of having sex very often (unless I'm in a relationship with them). Almost never. It doesn't mean I don't think about sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/08/26 06:22 PM
2

Women are more likely to outlive their partners anyway.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/08/26 05:57 PM
4

As many others have said, every gets their preferences. If you are being a dick in terms of how you exercise those preferences, I will judge the heck out of you. Tell someone you won't date them because their background means they are forever damaged or whatever? That is a major dick move. If I heard someone doing that to someone else, I would step in, even if they were strangers. (Though my focus would be on the person receiving such dickery. As long as the dick was quick about leaving.) I'm pr…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/08/26 05:07 PM
8

I think a lot of the people who think they don't have any baggage... have the most baggage. Though it comes in terms of limited experience of the world, and, most more to the point, a lack of self-reflection.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/08/26 04:29 PM
0

"Biology does not support the existence of more than two sexes in humans." You are incorrect. And why do people without much background in biology keep making these pronouncements? (My doctorate is in biology, but this is part of the undergrad bio curriculum.) The science is clear, and not new - I first learned about the less common variations in the eighties FFS. Here's a nice overview aimed at a general audience: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/sex-redefined-the-idea-of-2-sexes-is-o…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/26 07:39 PM
1

Heterosexuality per se, no. But most of us from the west grew up with some social idea of gender dichotomy, including an idea that people's gender's should be visible at all times and be one of those two. Which is pretty weird, if you think about it. If you're at work, and working with someone, why do you need to know either their gender identity or their plumbing?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/26 07:23 PM
0

Well, let's see. Biology supports the existence of more than two sexes. Sociology, anthropology and psychology support the existence of more than two genders. Unless you're working from a third grade understanding of humans, it's pretty obvious.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/26 07:19 PM
–

While it's generally also more of an Australian and British thing, there's also the shed movement.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/26 07:11 PM
–

Historically, there were a lot of men-only clubs, and those clubs were frequently used for business deals, which excluded women from participating or advancing in a range of careers. I doubt people would care that much unless that sort of thing started to occur again. (It's bad enough that it's not uncommon for clients to take consultants out to strip clubs in some environments. Or show porn off at meetings. Yes, really.)
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/26 01:02 AM
–

Do you have any evidence that there is more, though? Goodness knows both of my parents (I'm in my fifties, and they didn't have me especially young, so they grew up in the thirties and forties) suffered a lot of psychological abuse, and it seems to have been pretty typical for the time. I *was* thinking primarily of violence outside the home - y'know, the reason you wouldn't let your children develop much independence.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 08:04 PM
3

Sure. I also avoid it because I want to make sure that guys know they're not paying for sex. A lot of men like it specifically because they're setting up a power imbalance. And I hear there are quite a few men who, if you pay half, assume you're not into them. AFAIK, this hasn't come up for me? (Or only with men I actually wasn't into, so, whatevs.)
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 07:22 PM
1

Pretty much this. If someone opens up to me, and what I find inside is a desperate conflicted child - I'm most likely going to distancing myself. That's more drama than I want in my life. (I had more tolerance for it when I was younger... but that didn't serve me well. At my age, though, if you haven't gotten your shit together, I doubt you ever will.) If it's a grown up who basically has their shit together but has some feelings about difficult things? That's another thing entirely. Intimacy is…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 05:43 PM
–

Every country and state has different marriage laws. What kind of protections they give you vary. (Though I think a pre-nup is likely to solve most of these problems.)
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 05:37 PM
2

"The movement of the 20th century was towards the dissolution of institutions which guaranteed trust, whilst providing no replacement" I was just reading up on the prevalence of domestic violence in the fifties.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 05:21 PM
3

Feeling entitled is still feeling entitled. But if you don't do anything about it, I don't know, and therefore don't care. Acting entitled is still acting entitled even if it doesn't involve anger or violence. For instance, if you inform me that I owe you a blowjob because you took me out to dinner, that is acting entitled, even if you don't use anger or violence. This isn't complicated.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 04:59 PM
7

And there's a tendency to assume people's attraction to men is more real than their attraction to women. Therefore, bi men are assumed to be secretly gay, whereas bi women are assumed to be secretly straight. (The idea that bi men were secretly gay was pretty broadly propagated not that long ago. I think it was in "Dear Abby" for a long time, for instance.) Mind you, I prefer mildly bi men. But I'm aware of the tropes. And they were generally much harsher on men, whereas bi women were seen as wa…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 04:56 PM
5

I feel like you're missing the obvious. There are far more straight women in the world than there are queer men. This effect can be alleviated by hanging out in gay circles, but if you're just going through your life, you're likely to meet 100 straight women for every ten queer men. (Using current stats for younger folks.) People used to make this argument a lot about bi women. But if you look at the numbers, bi women are more likely to settle down with another woman than one would expect by cha…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 04:47 PM
2

No system. Though I'm also not big on OLD. (Well, it's great for meeting women, but interacting with men on OLD is awful.)
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 04:41 PM
4

If you are cool with being a total creep, I guess.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 04:21 PM
3

"They are most certainly not using the “stop asking and that’s my final answer” wording" I've used wording very close to that, without the man stopping pestering me. (Of course, I also am not afraid is getting into it physically with most men.)
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 04:19 PM
2

"...then it’s only right to hold them to their word." Even when that word is "No"?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 04:16 PM
5

"Young women and young men seem to do whatever is expected of them." Hm. I moved out on my own when I was fifteen, and took my father to court and won decisively when I was sixteen. So... But yes, a sizeable chunk of people will conform to societal standards. Not that they are the easiest things to create. "I think it wouldn’t hurt to reintroduce the social expectation that one marry and have kids" If we can create a system where the burden of that doesn't fall disproportionately on women, sure.…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 06:08 AM
1

Thank you for diving in. I had been trying to decide if I had the energy for it, but I think it's bedtime.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 06:04 AM
1

As an addendum - me having credential doesn't mean you can't argue with me. People with credentials still can be wrong, and people without can still be right. ...but it does mean there's a good chance I have a lot more training and background than you do. I don't mean it to shut anyone up. But I figure it's fair warning so you know to be a little cautious. It's wouldn't be sporting otherwise :-)
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 06:01 AM
11

Successful, yes. Though I'm not really in favor of sacrificing young women to the hormonal urges of young men in order to have a calmer society.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 05:57 AM
1

I entirely support you in your quest for sleep. (I'm on the US west coast, so it's not yet eleven here, but I need to do a final set of slow forms and head to bed soon myself.) I'm happy to look at what you have. And as I mentioned - some people are doing actual research in the field. (And more people are doing real research into things like prehistorical population genetics, and then suggesting untested interpretations for the data. Which is fine as long as they're clear about what they're doin…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 05:54 AM
1

Yes, and I'm a professor with a PhD in biology. (No, really. To be fair, I'm currently a CS prof, but that's just because my work is very interdisciplinary - and I went more into bio-robotics after my doctorate.) Most evopsych isn't science, it really is people looking at what we know about the world, and making up stories about why it is that way, even though there might be many other equally plausible stories. I'm not saying you are making it up. I'm saying that very few people in the field of…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 05:03 AM
1

"The theory is that the younger you are the less likely you are to have died, because if you are 20 you had less time to end up dying than a 40 year old, so we have healthier traits more prevalent in our youth than when we're older, because its better to put the best traits in early on rather than later if youre more likely to die later." You could say just as well that it's a much better idea to have an older parent, because young folks might be unfit and likely to die of something genetic, but…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 04:46 AM
2

This isn't how evolution works, actually. Do freckles help you survive? Does a tendency to develop arthritis in your knees? You can't look at what we are and then reason backwards and assume we evolved that thing in particular and that it helps us. (And this is why evopsych is mostly hogwash.) Various traits might have been useful at one, time, and aren't anymore - but everyone who survived that previous time has them, so we have them. Or traits are neutral, but ended up fixed in a population be…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 04:13 AM
2

I grew up in a city. My mother (who died in her late seventies a few years back) grew up in a city. I think you're pointing to some real things, but I'm not sure I'd call it urbanization. High investment parenting has definitely changed young folks a lot, and had more costs than is generally realized, I think. (As an aside, there is far less violence against children than there used to be...) The lack of third spaces - and the exclusion of teenagers from many of the ones we have - is another fac…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/07/26 09:31 PM
2

When I was younger, I did a lot of trying on different shapes. It was good for that period of my life when I was learning who I was and what worked for me. But I also spent a lot of time figuring out who I was alone, and what was important to me individually. And in some ways there is a lot of flexibility - my interests are very broad. But I need intellectual engagement the way some people need food - it doesn't have to be with people, but I need interesting problems to work on. (Luckily, there …
/r/PurplePillDebate28/07/26 09:24 PM
3

One of the advantage of being in my fifties is having had the time to figure out what does and doesn't work for me "If it is an inability then there is nothing to be done. If it is a preference then I guess it can be changed." The stress here is on serious. If the person involved is reasonably bright, and we're fairly compatible, we can be friends and lovers and have a pretty decent relationship. But if they're bright enough for that to work, they will eventually notice that there's a whole part…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/07/26 08:37 PM
5

It's interesting that so many men try to promote men as being paragons of rationality in the same forum where so many men are constantly overwhelmed by the demands of their own libido. There's no evidence to support that men are more rational than women. (Or more practical, for that matter.)
/r/PurplePillDebate28/07/26 08:15 PM
0

Yeah, so far it's a term I've only heard from the manosphere, and I do frequent feminist circles.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/07/26 08:12 PM
3

In control of what you're doing together, in control of yourself, in control of them...?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/07/26 08:11 PM
4

I can only answer for myself, of course, but - There are a few parts of this. I can't have a serious relationship if I can't connect with them both emotionally and intellectually. I have a colorful and exciting life already. Spending time with someone who is dull gets frustrating pretty quickly. Usually for both of us, if they're bright enough to understand how much we're not connecting. Dull people generally try to pressure me to get a lot of my time. And yet, my time is already pretty full. An…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/07/26 08:09 PM
–

I've found myself wondering about the male sex drive a fair bit as I've perused these conversations. I have a lot of experience with it from the outside, of course. But that doesn't mean I really get it. In addition to it driving a bunch of different sexual behaviors, it also seems responsible for so much criminality. It's a rare man who has power who doesn't use it towards sexual behavior, much of which is either non-consensual or directed towards people who are underaged or coerced into sex wo…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/07/26 07:39 PM
–

Y'know, I hear from a lot of men here that are chasing validation. I know that this features into a lot of women's experiences in having sex, but I don't know how common it is. It wasn't why I had sex. I had sex because I was curious, and had a high libido. I wasn't especially inhibited while married, either. I was mostly with the same person, but that's not the same thing? (Though there was a period where we were in a triad with a woman who had been my girlfriend in college. Even then, she didn…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/07/26 04:33 PM
1

Okay, I can deal with that interpretation. (And I did get something similar, though with her frequent use of "maleness" I was left with a sense that she had a sense of that maleness that I do not.)
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/26 06:38 PM
1

No, I'm saying that I go dutch with people, male and female, all the time, and it doesn't involve any weirdness or drama. We don't handle it the same way all the time - depends on the bill, depends on the restaurant (if the staff are overworked, we might be more inclined to split to bill to save them from putting together separate checks, for instance). Anyone I ran into with your combativeness and what seems like a reluctance to communicate would be pretty unappealing.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/26 06:36 PM
3

I was reading Bell Hook's "The Will to Change" recently. (I don't know if this quote is from that specifically, but she said similar things there.) I have trouble parsing the above, mostly because I don't really see men as a category separate from myself. And look, this is on me - gender has always been weird to me. I've always had a lot of male friends, and those friendships tended to be shaped by the things we had in common - whether that be my love of a lot of very physical outdoorsy things, …
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/26 06:20 PM
0

Because they have to fight for jobs in any male dominated field, and the first many usually deal with a great deal of harassment from men once they're there. So they pick their battles, like any reasonable person would.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/26 05:54 PM
19

"people can't figure out whether true Dutch is "people paying for their own expenses" or "people paying 50% of a bill"" There's this thing called talking. If it's family style, or if everyone ordered things that are close to similar prices, you say "Want to just split this?" Or you ask for separate checks. This isn't hard.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/26 10:47 PM
2

"I already explained, the number of attacks by incels can be counted on one hand." The number of women who were killed by a man because she wouldn't date him are not small at all, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/26 04:01 PM
2

"...a red flag for expecting a peck on the cheek after a third." The expectation is the problem, not the peck on the cheek. Dates are not buying sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/26 03:52 PM
21

I mean, I'm aware of the stereotypes, but a majority of the men I had flings with wanted long term relationships with me. I think a lot of it depends on the cultural background of the guy.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/26 08:21 PM
14

I don't think women usually choose men they don't know exist, no....
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/26 06:33 PM
1

I'm not really the hand over the reigns sort. (Though I only need to have my own reigns, not anyone else's... well, in this sort of situation. Obviously, there are plenty of situations where I'm managing groups of people, and I have no trouble taking charge.) I end up leading conversations more often than not, I suppose, but then I'm much more comfortable being outgoing than most. [ETA: Really, I'd say that men in general don't have especially well developed conversational skills. I'm not saying…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/26 04:46 AM
3

It's not like there aren't plenty of men who don't have issues doing these things. And I say that as someone who prefers to initiate. The one that always raises my eyebrows is "planning" the date. Picking a place to eat and perhaps an activity isn't much in the way of planning. Have you never made plans with friends? FFS, have you invited folks over to watch a game? Or planned and cooked an actual dinner party? I was doing this stuff in my tweens. Paying I think is a reasonable gripe (though con…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/26 11:15 PM
1

"It sounds like you do very little striking of conversations yourself (without the man doing anything) aka a cold approach." I wouldn't call it a cold approach, and indeed, I made a point of distinguishing it from a cold approach. But I do strike up conversations with people I do not know and haven't been introduced to all the time. Both inside and outside of contexts where I am likely to have a social or professional connection to them. And if I like them and it seems appropriate, I will ask th…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/26 06:19 PM
–

"In public dating discourse with women and blue pillers this concept seems very hard to understand." Because it's untrue. Trivial examples: I don't see people being married, too young, or too old as negatives. But they are disqualifying. I'm unlike to date someone who is super into television and movies, and has a social life that largely revolves around those things. No shade, and I have a lot of friends who love that media, including more than a few who are professionally involved in it in som…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/26 06:14 PM
1

"I don't believe this". I don't care. I'm describing one of the frankly more garden variety aspects of my life. Cold approach is the wrong terminology here. I'm not looking at random guys and thinking "Hey, maybe I want to fuck him." I'm striking up conversations. Which I do all the time. (Not only with people who are potential dating prospects. In fact, mostly not.) I'm friendly and outgoing.* But guys who are in the right age range and who attract my interest can motivate this. There is often …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/26 05:54 PM
0

I think a lot of men are socialized to expect that women will do a lot of caretaking of them. And expect this caretaking to extend to sleeping with, dating and marrying them. I think this is an unreasonable expectation in the first place.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/26 12:12 AM
2

"Women want to advise men to be a good person, be themselves, have their hobbies, practice basic hygiene, have female friends." So how much of this is women generally, and how much of this is your mom, other older female relatives, your mom's friends, etc? Because this not only sounds generic, it sounds like advice from someone who isn't in a position to evaluate your particular situation. You need someone who is both current and socially connected enough to say "OMG, shave that facial hair, it …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/26 12:09 AM
8

'"Like men" means you are attracted to a stranger (could be a friend of a friend you've never met before, like at a party/event) so you walk over and introduce yourself.' Oh, I've done that, and fairly frequently. Though "looks interesting" isn't quite the same as attracted, I suppose - I need to know a person at least some before I'm attracted for the most part.* I don't immediately ask them out, though, which I do see from some men, but which mostly strikes me as a poor yield activity for anyo…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/26 11:28 PM
3

I'm in a very liberal west coast city, and I'm not hitting the clubs much. (I actually enjoy clubbing, but between needing to get up in the morning and being prone to migraines, I'm rarely in the right place to go out. I wish there were some good goth dances that started at 7pm..) I'm also part of some pretty extensive and overlapping social circles, so while individual social bans are far from absolute, they're real, and if you don't change course they will multiply.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/26 11:16 PM
4

Not when you factor in how much more time they spend with their children. Even if you don't remove incidents related to postpartum psychosis. There is some weird cultural shit in some circles about it being okay for women to hit men. Intellectually, I think I understand its basis - the idea is that men are expected to be so strong that they can take it. But it's both bullshit and gross. And you can't really go into that without also believe that at least according to the proper order, women are …
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/26 07:45 PM
4

What kind of social climate are you in? Because where I am, you do this, and you get disinvited from most social events.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/26 07:39 PM
11

I pathologize passivity in anyone who wants to date but can't be bothered to get off their asses to do anything about it. I've been quite consistent about it. These days, a lot of young people aren't especially social, and tend to be passive. If you want to date, and aren't getting showered with requests, sitting around waiting to be asked isn't a great strategy for anyone. (OTOH, hanging out in person with large numbers of other young people is a great way to get to know someone well and do the…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/26 07:38 PM
12

I have initiated a majority of my relationships (and flings). Clearly, that's not common. But I certainly didn't do some passive game. I asked guys out. I propositioned them. (Though neither to complete strangers.) What do you mean "like men"?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/26 07:28 PM
8

Is it misandry or lived experience?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/26 07:25 PM
5

Sure? But the exact same set of circumstances could be read that a woman does the approaching because that's how you select. Why wait for men to approach you, and be stuck only with that set?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/26 07:24 PM
12

I think this is the real answer. If we're in a group talking about men's dating strategies, complaining about women seems besides the point. What women do isn't something men can change just by wishing. (Note, I'm going to reply to the main mod post that I don't advise that anyone who wants to date be passive.)
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/26 07:23 PM
6

I think it is common. But I also think the behavior that comes from views like this forms the basis of much of the disdain towards men.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/26 07:20 PM
5

Please expand on this, I'm not quite sure what you mean. (Traditional roles are definitely not something I'm missing, and would take most of the favorite aspects of my own life away from me.)
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/26 07:16 PM
12

And yet, men tend to me more narcissistic than women. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25546498/ https://www.buffalo.edu/news/releases/2015/03/009.html https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10188200/ I'm wondering if the frequency of men here to call women narcissistic is more about the women not being hyper focused on them. After all, to a narcissist, they themselves are always the most important thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/26 04:23 PM
8

Honestly, I just thought the post was boring. If a human can't be bothered to write it, then I, a human, can't be bothered to read it.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/26 04:04 AM
2

The senior prof in CS (I'm guessing he's around seventy, but I don't know for certain) said he thinks boys are coddled and indulged, which is why they lag so far behind in adulting. I'm not sure about that, but he has said that there's been a noticeable decline, and it started before covid. There has also been some discussion about whether we need to offer some "how to adult" material in addition to the introductory "how to college" seminar we already offer (but which isn't mandatory). (I've coa…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/26 02:35 AM
2

"study much easier degrees" Where do you get the easier bit? I'm a CS prof with a PhD in neurobiology. Have you studied biology? It's hard! (Okay, this is part of why I went into biology: biology is a hot mess - biology itself, not the discipline - and quantitative biology is both frustrating and oh so alluring.) Computers - like math and physics - are so straightforward in comparison. Meanwhile, women are getting most of the MDs, JDs, PharmDs, etc. (As an aside, in my last job search I was look…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/26 01:35 AM
3

So, comparing college students of similar ages, the women (and the trans women who have been living as women for a few years, and the trans men, and the non-binary folks) tend to do significantly better at adulting. They turn in the work more reliably. They juggle complicated schedules better. And the quality of their work tends to be higher. Which isn't to say there aren't some great male students, but women tend to do consistently better. A lot of this is executive function skills, but not all…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/26 01:24 AM
2

People, including women, have hobbies. People, especially women, sometimes like to limit how much people see their real faces and bodies. (Especially with all the issues around nudification.) People, including women, sometimes dress or act in ways to attract attention from potential partners (or sometimes... hm, is it theoretical partners?) Whatevs.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/26 01:01 AM
1

Oops, didn't mean to hit enter yet... https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21961442/ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33223960/ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38970796/ (I could go on, but it's more becoming me catching up on the latest research about vibrator use.)
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/26 12:52 AM
0

I'm not sure how the porn comment would follow, but I was in fact referring to studies. Just a few (of many): https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19453881/ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38668760/ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21981632/
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/26 12:38 AM
1

Or at least make them come.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/26 12:30 AM
–

I think you must have misread, because that's almost the opposite of what I said. (And I used the word "much" twice in the reply above, and neither of the times did I say that.)
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/26 09:49 PM
–

Except, I didn't, at least not in the post you're responding to.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/26 02:54 PM
-1

Well, yes. But they were also one of the earlier things to be electrified.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/26 05:40 AM
0

"If you're intentionally presenting yourself in a way that's designed to attract attention, it's unrealistic to expect nobody to notice." A lot of guys seem to be pretty bad about determining when this is, though. I've had guys tell me that because I was wearing a tank top (not either especially low cut or tight) I might be looking for attention. In fact, I wanted to be comfortable and cool while working out. And sure, I have a fabulous rack, but it's not like I can leave it at home.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/26 05:02 AM
3

Definitely sign me up for the first, and I only hesitate on the second because I'd want to know the details of the tech involved. I largely consider myself agender. No problems with having a female body, and I like sex but I don't have much in the way of a female gender identity. (And with the body, I wish mine was more androgynous. I've long made peace with it.) To the extent that I identify as a woman, it's because a lot of women have had to deal with similar bullshit because we're all women.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/26 04:34 AM
0

I'm not following you.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/26 04:25 AM
6

Men were "competing" just fine with machines for decades. Vibrators aren't new - hell, they were in pretty heavy use in the 1800s. Women who use vibrators have a better understanding of their own sexuality, and are generally more sexually responsive.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/07/26 10:47 PM
–

" … Then there’s the more extreme example of the BDSM community, where women actively seek out sexualized power dynamics with the man usually dominant." Though it's notable that there are professional female dommes, but not male ones. There are a lot of submissive men out there, it just tends to be stigmatized. (I often attract them, which is too bad, because I have no interest in dominating someone - but absolutely insist on being in charge of myself.)
/r/PurplePillDebate20/07/26 04:29 PM
1

Wasn't that explicitly for peaceniks and hippies?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/07/26 03:19 PM
0

If I were a guy, I wouldn't bother with - or at least focus on - online dating. It's a shit show that's skewed against men (mostly as a result of the other men, mind) and yet all these men, most of whom are not romantically successful, insist it's their best shot. If you are so introverted or socially anxious that you can't handle socializing in person, you really need to address that before you try dating. Dating is a social activity. (And I say this as someone who is above average in looks. Bu…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/07/26 12:15 AM
–

And if you look at the men who are most eager to get married and have children, they tend to be romantically unsuccessful, and very ignorant about what having children amounts to. Men as a group have not been notable at showing up for their children.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/07/26 12:00 AM
4

Back when I was married, my plan was to have kids, and stay home with them until they they started school (or at least the youngest was of solid pre-school age). I also intended to hire help so I didn't lose my mind. I also had hundreds of thousands of dollars in stock options. In theory, my husband could have supported us (he was also a software engineer, though his career was more chaotic than mine). In practice, I had a fallback plan. (Yes, I realize that this was a great privilege. I was luc…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/26 11:51 PM
1

There's a spectrum, from very segregated to pretty evenly mixed on both ends. If you are on the market, choose something you are at least a bit interested in, that is from the evenly mixed to primarily women end of the spectrum. This isn't rocket surgery.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/26 04:04 PM
–

If I saw more dads who were really contributing equally, I could believe it's a lack of vetting. But I see so many deadbeats.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/26 04:59 AM
–

This is a fantasy, largely promoted by guys who think that women will get screwed financially if that happens (another retribution fantasy) and tech guys who are losing tons of money on AI.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/26 04:57 AM
–

And yet, women are still more likely to cook, clean, take care of kids, take care of the house, manage family relationships, etc. So I suspect women have disdain for more reasons than the one you mentioned.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/26 04:47 AM
–

So, you have a bunch of opinions. You seem to think that you know what goes on in the hearts and minds of people who you aren't better than they do. This isn't a strong argument. (As an aside, I also suspect your agenda.)
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/26 04:34 AM
19

The past is a huge place, and we know little about most of it. In many parts of the known past, men had better defined roles, which made it much easier to be successful at being a man. I suspect there was less of the race to the bottom in how some other men defined and policed masculinity. I suspect most modern men wouldn't enjoy living in those times with knowledge of the modern world - the lack of choices, and lack of technology have their own draw backs. There almost certainly more men alive …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/26 10:31 PM
2

It's never going to be 100% universal. And there are preconditions - they need to get out there and meet people. But if they do that regularly, their chances are high.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/26 07:18 PM
1

"An ex said that she hates giving head, though she has had great experiences and a great deal of fun giving head in the past she wouldn’t for me only vaginal or even anal sex. Her partner after us she had no problem giving head to isn’t that somewhat insulting? Or can anyone see why that could be interpreted as one?" So she hated giving head to you in particular. You could be insulted by that. Or you could have had a conversation about the reason. Maybe you smelled bad, or were uncomfortably hai…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/26 07:17 PM
–

I know how my own attraction works. I don't know how it works for women as a group - we're all going to have our own variations, but there may be common themes. I am not everyone, I don't know the common themes.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/26 07:11 PM
1

I can't be bothered to lie. I may at times tell someone it's none of their business. I suppose I can accept some small social lies? But really, most of those situations can be navigated without lying. ("Do I look fat in this?" - well, that's a question better not answered, but you can always say "Y'know, I think your red dress is a much more flattering cut." Or whatever.)
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/26 05:59 PM
1

"Mostly not having sex with me."
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/26 01:01 AM
2

I haven't been doing any heavy fighting, though I'm pretty involved in martial arts outside of the SCA, and it looks like a lot of fun. (I keep telling myself I'm 53, but then there are guys older than me doing it. And I've done a lot of whalebone.) I already have a pretty full schedule, but if I do get involved again I'll probably mostly be doing fiber arts. And maybe some music.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/26 12:00 AM
0

What kingdom? I'm in An Tir, and while I didn't play for about 25 years in there, I've been going to the local fight practice recently.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 11:38 PM
7

The best thing you can do is get involved with social activities that allow you to meet a lot of people in person. Which ones are going to depend on your interests, of course. I found the SCA, the SFF con scene and the music communities to be good for this. A lot of shy people find communities where they have something to do to be easier to navigate than something that's more purely social. And, of course, they need to be communities that include women in your age range in good numbers. Back in …
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 11:14 PM
2

I realize my school is unusual in some ways (we get to know our students very well) but even when I was at UNC-CH, a lot of my student interactions were outside of the classroom.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 08:42 PM
3

1) I am a professor, and get to see a lot of folks 18-35 navigating relationships up close. 2) What does this have to do with my comment?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 07:24 PM
1

And it's really worth looking at all the cultural factors that created the 1950s. Women were strongly encouraged to stop working to make room for men returning from war in the labor force after participating in the labor force during the war (and many had worked before the war as well). You had nuts like McCarthy (who should be remembered as a fascist as much as an anti-communist) pushing for traditional american ways of life. The fifties were already a short lived conservative backlash. (And we…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 07:14 PM
2

So how do you feel about that fantasy of a good life? (At least for straight white men...)
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 07:09 PM
20

Gods, this, so much. There exist men who are perhaps a little shy or mildly awkward. And they are going to find relationships one way or the other - and they were generally decent to date. But the Mr. Bitters of the world are generally just going to get more bitter and awful.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 06:36 PM
2

First off, women don't. Sure, women who don't want casual sex could probably get casual sex (by participating in culture and rituals they are deeply uncomfortable with). But women who aren't devastatingly attractive and who aren't making it clear by their participation in bar/club culture or OLD aren't generally pursued by men, and are more frequently just ignored. They definitely aren't getting widely pursued for long term relationships, which are want many would actually want. (And when do ran…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 06:14 PM
1

This is going to depend on the household agreements. When I've asked men to take out the trash, there was already an agreement that they should have done it, and/or I was in the middle of something and had my hands full (and they did much less around the household.)
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 06:08 PM
2

So, first off remember that casual sex != love. Really, they have nothing to do with each other. But no one deserves access to or use of another person's body.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 06:00 PM
1

I was just reading up on how many young women raised in conservative Christian households leave those traditions and become liberal, while young men are much more likely to stay. This didn't used to be the case. And there's a lot more open misogyny in Conservative Christianity than there was twenty years ago. Or even forty years ago. Those movements don't have a lot to offer young women. What's more alarming is that so many young men (especially those who don't have a lot going for them otherwis…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 05:58 PM
3

This so much. I've had people tell me with a straight face that women were expected to stay home with their children and not work... in the eighties. (Ye gods, didn't y'all ever watch Die Hard? Part of the plot is driven by the wife having a high powered corporate job.)
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 05:54 PM
2

Always keep in mind that when you're talking about women not being expected to have a job, you're only talking about middle class or higher white people.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 05:53 PM
3

Y'know, learning actual history and understanding the factors that built our world doesn't involve demanding apologies. (Ha! I should tell you about some of my ancestors, who were truly horrible people.) I'm far more concerned that there is so much interest in teaching non factual mythologized history in schools.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 05:51 PM
1

Is that it? Because I often hear men here describing women who (if they really exist) are apparently swooning over gangsters and trying to set themselves up not to work at all... neither of which sound particularly middle class.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 05:48 PM
1

And yet, we know only a minority of women are interested in casual sex. (Though many try it once or twice, and decide they don't like it.) Whereas it appears that most men want casual sex, and an awful lot seem to feel entitled to it. Sex isn't being "handed out". People are choosing to have sex with other people. Generally because they want to have sex with them. Access to our bodies isn't money or candy, and framing it that way suggests that you have some issues seeing women as people.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 05:43 PM
1

"it's only thanks to Christianity that women came to be seen as people" So, first this shows a ridiculous ignorance of history. And prehistory, for that matter. We have plenty of documentation of pre-Christian societies in which women had prominent social roles and were clearly recognized as people. And ones where they weren't. Christianity doesn't have an especially good track record with women. But also, why in the world would you be quoting Mishima as an authority on this subject? He's an imp…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 05:37 PM
0

I really gotta disagree here. I'm better than average looking, but not exceptionally so. But I'm assertive, outgoing, and do indeed take the initiative. And the same guys who will swear up and down that what they really want is a shy quiet girl with ignore the shy quiet girls and flock to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 05:28 PM
3

Then maybe they should stop going for hook-ups? So much of this men upset that they aren't getting the varied casual sex that they seem to think they deserve.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 05:19 PM
2

Or in totally unsubtle ways, for that matter. My favorites.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 04:21 AM
3

I think this is the first question to look at. Obviously, this sub is about men who are struggling. But I don't see a lot of evidence of liberal women as a group struggling? I mean some, sure - but dating is hard and everyone struggles. In theory one might expect that there would be a population of more educated women who are struggling to find partners, but we have data that suggests that no, they're finding men with less education but who have their shit together.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 08:42 PM
3

This really is not what I see happening among young people. Or folks in their thirties. Or their forties and fifties, for that matter. Which isn't to say it doesn't describe your social circle.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 12:49 AM
7

"...if you dress like a hobbit..." Question! Is this supposed to be a good thing or a bad thing? (A dear friend just completed a number of hobbit inspired articles of clothing from her handspun yarn.)
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 11:03 PM
1

Which is good, because you don't have the knowledge or background to be educating anyone on this subject.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 07:28 PM
1

Married women are more likely to have good sex in a marriage. But you have to find a man who gives a shit.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 07:00 PM
1

The whole madonna whore thing is pretty gross, I gotta say. Especially with the guys who want both.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 06:57 PM
1

So, I don't really use online dating. (I have an OKC account, which I only use for talking to queer women, but while I open it up a couple of times a year, I haven't gone on any dates since I last moved.) There's a fairly high bar to get me to use any site to date men - every time I try it, a high percent of the guys start graphically and unpleasantly sexting, and I start thinking about becoming a Buddhist nun. I mention all this, because it's a substantial hurdle to get past. If I heard from a …
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 05:07 PM
1

When I started dating my ex, his place was immaculate. When we had an apartment together before we married, we were cleanliness compatible enough. It wasn't perfect, but I didn't mind doing a bit more than him, considering that a lot of what I was doing (cooking in particular) were things I enjoyed. Once we were married, he pretty much stopped doing crap. (At one point, during marital counseling, we put together a tally, and I was doing at least 95% of the work. I was also the primary breadwinne…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 05:05 AM
1

But if part of what you're looking to do is meet people (and particularly of the opposite sex) taking on new things can be an effective way of doing that. You don't have to have a dozen hobbies, but being open to trying some of the things that you do/might enjoy that have a favorable demographic only makes sense. Sure, I'm not average. (There is something of an axiom about this in my social circle. Also, that wasn't anything close to an exhaustive list, even of the things I'm actively involved w…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 04:03 AM
2

You would do well to step back and think are about where you are getting these ideas, because there is no "should" here. You have a particular cultural context in your head (there isn't enough detail to tell whether it's something that exists anyplace outside of your head) that you're clearly drawing from. And yet, the expectations on men and women across human cultures and human history have been widely varied. And "seducer" and "seductress" have been applied fairly evenly. So much of what you …
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 01:30 AM
5

But your definitions are both arbitrary and crap. Sure, anyone can redefine "seduction" in their head so it means something pretty distinct from the generally recognized definition, and then pretend that doing so allows them to make an argument. But that's not an interesting or productive exercise.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 01:24 AM
6

Apparently not!
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 01:22 AM
4

Oh, you sweet summer child.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 01:20 AM
3

And since men generally controlled the household finances (or could control them if they wanted to) men were far more likely to have the wherewithal to pursue a divorce - proving fault and getting legal representation take a lot of money.* No fault divorces are especially good for women because women are less likely to have the resources to pursue divorce otherwise, but they're good for everyone. *Hell, my ex who I left twenty-one years ago has been dragging his feet hard on buying me out of the…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 01:17 AM
5

So it's feminists who made a guy accuse his partner of cheating on him? I gotta tell you, guys have been doing that for millennia.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 01:10 AM
5

A lot of women are a lot more comfortable with softly rejecting men rather than telling them they're flat out not interested, get outta here. (This is both due to socialization, and because a non-tiny minority of guys flip out if you reject them outright.) Sometimes being "friend-zoned" is someone who really wants to be friends but isn't romantically interested. Sometimes it's someone who is trying to let you down gently, and isn't really interested in being friends, either. I'm sure there are o…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 01:08 AM
-2

If you look at all the possible hobbies that people have, some tend to be heavily gendered, and some aren't. Any reasonably curious person should have interests - or potential interests, things they are up for trying - that are at least evenly split, and a few that tend to have more of the opposite gender than the same. The whole "I am a man and I only am interested in man things with other men!..." sounds really dull. And I live this. I'm an excellent cook and have spent time as a food writer a…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 12:53 AM
-2

Sure, there's going to be some segregation. But if you have reasonably broad interests, you can look at the selection of things you might enjoy, and pick a few that are more even, or that tend to have more women. What I find weird is the idea that any of the things an individual might enjoy being only those that are going to draw mostly a male crowd. That seems like such a narrow way of being a human being. As an aside, most of the TTRPG groups I've been in have been evenly divided in terms of g…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 12:41 AM
3

Y'know, the pool of people I chose my flings from, and those I picked my longer term relationships from were the same pool. Hell, two of my three long term relationships started as flings.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/26 09:03 PM
1

Yeah, this is a sitcom trope, not reality.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/26 09:00 PM
3

You've decided on your answer, and you're cramming everything in to fit the answer even when the evidence suggests otherwise.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/26 08:59 PM
0

This seems to assume some kind of crazy gender segregation in hobbies. Or maybe very narrow interests? If he has no interests that any woman is going to have in common with him, he's going to have some issues down the road with relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/26 08:57 PM
2

So, I don't usually say that I find men disappointing. I find online dating to be hellish and low ROI, but I have a lot of good men in my life. But when I think about common featurs of what disappointed me about guys in the past, there are a few themes. 1) Lack of follow through. I'm kind of putting two things together, because I mean both that guys didn't follow through on these they said, and that they were often surprised and/or upset that I did. So many guys talk big, and have a ton of ideas…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/26 10:30 PM
1

Have you spent time on r/bald recently? Balding often isn't a great look, but bald is frequently hot as fuck.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/26 08:58 PM
0

Y'know, I don't think being a monster is getting him the action. It's being decent looking, physical, and charismatic. (I'm assuming the last, I've only seen a few short clips since I mostly stick with news in print - or at least, these days, text.) If the Epstein debacle says anything, it would indicate that an awful lot of men, once they get any power, will use it to abuse women for sex. How many woman recognized the totenkopf, at least before he told them what it was? If a lot of folks can de…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/26 08:55 PM
7

That's entirely not my experience of how young women are dating. And you seem to be claiming a lot of understanding of what's in their minds, which seems more likely to be wishful thinking than
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/26 03:00 PM
8

Y'know, this isn't what progressives have asked for - unless you mean making a) his expectations and b) that he's a whiny loser really obvious.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/26 12:40 AM
12

...but after she rejected him. Why do you keep trying to stand up for this guy?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/26 12:38 AM
3

It's not that it's harsh, it's that it's clueless and ridiculous.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/26 12:34 AM
1

And women often played key roles in defending the home, be that hut or castle. Meanwhile, if no one cooks, eating is limited!
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 08:45 PM
2

Seconding the rec for The Dawn of Everything. I'd add to that Patrick Wyman's Lost Worlds, which makes a nice companion volume.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 08:29 PM
2

Which seemed to be your point above. We just have so much - and keep finding more - evidence of women doing all these things that were supposed to be reserved for men in prehistory as well as history. And yet a lot of folks are married to the old "man the hunter" thing. (To be fair, I suspect men were doing a lot of craft work, gathering, tending and teaching children, etc, along the way. But since there has been a tendency to consider those low status work - values we impose on the past - that …
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 08:21 PM
-1

The key point is "choose". Giving up isn't really the same thing, is it? And even there, there's a huge cultural element. I still have older relatives asking how my dating is going (and I usually laugh.)
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 08:19 PM
1

The one I replied to. I was on my phone, so perhaps being terse, but my point was that human societies survived in a lot of different ways, and the common model of human prehistory that a lot of us learned in school is not consistent with modern archaeology. (Also, evolutionary psychology, which rarely involves experiments or falsifiable hypotheses, is largely not a science.)
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 08:17 PM
3

There's also a tendency to vastly simplify the roles women play.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 08:15 PM
2

Or they were spinsters or wallflowers - not everyone married. And even then, you're largely talking about the middle and upper classes. There were a lot of different approaches to marriage, and the nineteenth century isn't that far removed from our own when compared to the scope of human experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 07:48 PM
1

But also, a lot of the time this wasn't how human societies were in the past. Archaeology has advanced a lot from the sixties.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 07:43 PM
1

But there isn't any single actual ideology, so your left with a bunch of individual versions, and how people perceive it.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/26 08:37 PM
11

" I don’t think it’s shocking that women are unhappy after divorce—I mean, you are mourning the loss of a relationship." It also depends on the timeline. I fought hard for my marriage, while being clear that I would leave if he didn't get his act together. He... well, he did go on antidepressants. He went into counseling, and then threw a fit after his counselor dumped him as a client after he told her he was fantasizing about stalking her. He bailed on martial counseling. He was a dead weight a…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/26 08:34 PM
12

Pretty sure honest was part of his job.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/26 08:27 PM
1

Eh, I find that the whole do they / don't they thing goes from fun to tedious pretty quickly. I'll usually ask them to do something one on one.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/26 08:13 PM
1

It usually takes more than not getting married to be rejected by society. (Disapproval from your own family, maybe.) Now, weird behavior can freak people out (though it's amazing what people take as normal for a professor). Actively hostile or anti social behavior is likely to be met with rejection.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/26 08:11 PM
–

I was reading an article a bit back on physiological differences - if your vag and clit are further apart, you're less likely to be able to come from piv sex alone, or so surmised the authors. And there is a psychological element. Women who have been raised in purity culture are a lot more likely to suffer from painful intercourse. That all being said, most, but not all, women can come just fine with the right stimulation. Though what that is will vary. Lesbians do just fine, so some of it is ig…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/26 07:38 PM
–

Which doesn't have anything to do with my request for research sources. (I'm not even challenging their existence, I'd just like to see the ones he mentioned.) As it happens, I don't think I'd have trouble finding ones that find boys being discouraged from expressing their feelings. (Though this is far more common in conservative than liberal families. Of course, once they're in school, a lot of socialization is from their peers.) But personal responsibility isn't one I was finding in the litera…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/26 07:30 PM
2

I could make an argument that says the Qoran is liberal and feminist, because it contains more statements in favor of legal autonomy for women than does the Bible. (I in fact have made this statement. And in a very narrow textual sense, this is true.) To say Islam is liberal and feminist would be folly, though, would you not agree? The real difference with the red pill is that there isn't some agreed upon core text you can refer back to. So maybe the red pill in you head is apolitical. But that'…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/26 01:17 AM
2

I think I heard that once or twice, but I mostly know about it as a cultural stereotype - but then, I grew up in a liberal, fairly academic, neighborhood during a period when gender neutral parenting was really emphasized. I was thinking the other day about how my closest friends (both boys) when I was little both said that their favorite color was pink - which is a little thing, but not one you'd see much, I think. Mind you, we were a bunch of hooligans. (My family might have sucked, but there …
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/26 06:27 PM
2

"Every bit of research points to boys getting a vastly more emotionally repressive and 'personally responsible' childhood compared to their female counterparts." Can you point to sources on this? Not trying to challenge the point, but I just haven't found anything like that... yet. Though some interesting bits on the differences in social cognition between autistic boys and girls. But it's a broad field, and I might not have hit on the right combination of search terms. (But I'm also trying to g…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/26 05:02 PM
–

This seems like a strange assertion in a fora where men say that it's perfectly acceptable for a man to lie to a woman to get her to date him or go to bed with him.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/26 03:02 AM
2

I miss old OKC. Admittedly, it was mostly just a social toy for me? But it was actually fun.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/26 01:04 AM
1

I think there's a pretty big difference between saying "these things happened recently and are still part of our culture" and "men are responsible for everything worth noting in civilization". Partly because the first may be true (depending on the example) but the second is most likely bullshit.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 07:02 PM
3

The point of the anecdote, for me, wasn't that he attempted (and failed, that part is pretty key to me) to rape me. It's that he thought he had a legal right to do so. And not that long ago, he would have been correct. Y'all act like the various oppressive laws are in the ancient past, and not only is that not true (*cough cough* Dobbs...) but they're near enough that they're still a part of our culture. Hell, we haven't yet eliminated children being legally married off by their parents, FFS. (O…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 04:19 PM
3

Yeah, that higher numbers of partners most often means romantic instability doesn't seem to strike them as a minus...
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 04:06 PM
14

It happens. It takes a certain amount of discipline to look at someone you're really into and realize "They're just not that into me," and leave them. I've mostly been on the other side of it - a lot of times I had some casual fling with a guy. And we talked it through beforehand, usually, and agreed on no strings. But then he caught feelings and wanted a relationship, and I just wasn't that into him. And sometimes he swore up and down that he was fine being friends with benefits (and I do empha…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 04:40 AM
–

Seriously. I've always been the person who finds that kind of thing most frustrating. I've learned to always provide a default suggestion - I don't GAF if people take that suggestion, I really don't care, but the dithering drives me nuts. "So, if we're getting food, let's get on it. What about Noodle Boat?" At which point, they can either go with that, or they have to come up with an alternate selection. (And yeah, if they're all "But I had Noodle Boat last week!" I'll tell them to put up or shu…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 03:10 AM
7

There's law, and then there's culture. Ten years into my relationship with my ex-husband, he tried to rape me. (Mind you, the fact that he couldn't was largely because I'm a tall, strong martial artist. Could most women do this?) I kept saying no, and fighting him off. Eventually, I grabbed his junk, twisted, and told him if he didn't back the fuck off I was going to twist it off and shove it down his throat. He backed off. Then he got whiny, and told me that legally I couldn't not have sex with…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 03:05 AM
2

I'm sure there exist circumstances where a man tells a woman she's being over-emotional and he isn't using that to duck the subject by being a condescending prick. But this isn't one of them.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 02:54 AM
–

No. You might not see a point, but who are you, really?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 02:41 AM
–

"I don't think that really addresses my overall point. You're focusing on one sentence instead of the main argument." Exactly. Which is why I quote that one sentence. If I were interested in addressing your overall point, I would.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 02:38 AM
9

Except that they never were the only ones who built civilization, nor are they the only ones maintaining it now.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 01:47 AM
6

I think part of it is that in general, women are more likely to form groups and cooperate. I'm thinking of the "tend and befriend" literature - though I hate that name. Under stress, men go all fight or flight, whereas women are more likely to make allies and fortify the home base. There's also a whole body of literature supporting the idea that the basic social unit is a mother and child. Sometimes men are involved, sometimes they take off.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 12:14 AM
17

Except you just made that up, and it isn't in agreement with actual research.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 12:05 AM
–

I get that. The problem I have is twofold. 1) I post my actual height. Generally speaking, women don't have any motivation to lie about their height. I expect him to have the self awareness to not to go after me if being shorter than me is something he will have a problem with. (I also expect him to know his actual height and be able to perform arithmetic, for that matter.) 2) Having sought a date with me, it is not my fucking problem if he's upset that he's shorter than I am, and making it my p…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 11:11 PM
10

"Men just complain less" ...to say this in PPD of all places... 😹
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 11:00 PM
3

"I have never in 25 Years off my Life seen a ugly, low status Man "dominate" because he can yap the correct way." Is this the right question, though? Because you're stipulating that he's low status - whereas someone can be ugly, but popular and high status because they're aces at social interactions.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 10:58 PM
12

"Psychology already knows your brains operate more on emotion than men’s do." This is a cultural stereotype, not one that comes out of the psychological or neuroscience literature. Here's an overview, aimed at a general reader: https://www.apa.org/topics/neuropsychology/men-women-cognitive-skills
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 10:51 PM
19

I'm glad the citation was provided, but this request is a little rich from someone who provided no sources, and indeed made many assertions that are wildly ahistorical.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 10:46 PM
1

I see a couple of things here. A lot of times, women are responding to guys who assert that looks are the only thing that matters. Which isn't true for the majority of women, and is generally less true for women than men. Women are also far more likely to be attracted to someone after they get to know them then just after seeing them. It doesn't mean that looks don't play a role, but they don't tend to play the same role that looks do for men. Which is why every time a guy posts a questions like…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 10:44 PM
5

To a large extent, yes. I didn't go the colored hair route. (My hair was an almost black brown, and a giant pain to dye. Also, dyeing it messed with the texture.) But I did do things like wear antique round glasses and a men's plain black frock coat, which left me looking far more like a late nineteenth century communist sympathizer. Mostly I wore a lot of unisex looking clothing, and nothing that made me more pretty or emphasized my femininity. (Though for maximum effect, in grad school I shave…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 10:31 PM
18

"Throughout the vast majority of history, physical strength was by far the biggest key to survival. Obviously men have always had substantially more of this than women, but humanity can't exactly survive with men alone." So, you're starting with an obviously that isn't obvious at all. Throughout human history, what served us best was our ability to work together and cooperate, as well as innovate. Physical strength is an individual plus, but men are also have lower endurance, are more likely to …
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 10:08 PM
1

I think one of the problems is that when you look at the number of women a lot of messed up men have dated, a lot of the men here see that as sexual success rather than relationship instability. And yet you're talking about guys who are getting dumped all the time because they're assholes and/or their lives are in shambles.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 08:38 PM
5

This is such bullshit. Men get paid, they tend to assert control of the money they make, and they also get professional recognition for the work they do. Women don't get any of these for the domestic work they do.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 08:37 PM
–

Generally, probably? But I list my height too, and I've had guys get upset because they claimed to be 6' and they're shorter than me (I'm 5'11"). Sure, most guys inflate their height, but FFS, that's not my problem! (I don't filter on height, though I do keep an eye on it - some guys freak out if I'm taller. Or if I meet them and they realize that I am not significantly smaller than they are, and could probably beat them up. Mind you, it's not like I go beating on people I'm dating, but I'm a ma…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 08:32 PM
–

Um, have you read the comments from guys here? One likes to think that most guys (at least in the real world) do not, but clearly a chunk do.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 08:25 PM
3

Okay, I am thinking particularly in matters of intelligence, as I'll concede that generally this is true. But in terms of intelligence, they're as likely to have less as more.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 07:50 PM
8

It was situational. But yes, I deliberately dressed... not down in the sense of sloppily, but in ways to make me less conventionally attractive when I was in work or school situations. Because when I didn't guys I worked with would treat me totally differently - both like they were more interested, but also like they thought I was stupider. And in social situations, I might wear things that were more cute, but again, more quirky and not too conventionally attractive. (For years I always said I d…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 07:49 PM
–

I just responded to a particular part of it, which I quoted. Quite a few people, including people here, have made the argument you claim they aren't making.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 07:40 PM
1

Sure. Though home ownership was only a footnote on how I would have defined it earlier. (I bought a lovely home on an acre in a great school district when I was twenty-three, but that was unusual even in the mid-nineties.) There's no shame in renting. I think things like earning enough to support a reasonable lifestyle (there's a lot of subjectivity on what counts as reasonable, but some of that is "reasonable to the person you're dating" if you're looking to date). Which usually means consisten…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 07:26 PM
1

I'm in favor of legalizing sex work. Though not for having the government pay for chronically single men to visit prostitutes. (At least, not in the US until such time as we've made health care available to all and substantially fixed the social safety net. After that... well, I'd like to see studies on the effects of doing so.)
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 02:25 AM
16

I grew up in a lot of majority male environments. My closest friends when I was a kid were male. I was in a lot of STEM focused spaces that were primarily male. I always had male friends. Men never seemed especially mysterious. I did adjust my appearance a fair bit around how men reacted, but largely because in most contexts I wanted men to see me less as a woman and more as a person and a scholar (or later, accomplished software engineer, and then scholar again). So I veered away from the more …
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 02:18 AM
–

PPD had shown up in my feed a few times. Then after I accepted a new professorship and knew I'd be teaching a different population of students (and a more male heavy one), I thought it might behoove me to get a sense of parts of male culture I mostly avoided or observed from afar. It turned out that my students (I'm a CS and robotics prof) are pretty far from red pilled. At least, in how they see women. Some of them might be using some of the red pill ideas for self improvement. But I'm also int…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 01:09 AM
–

"Most of the men in need of “ fixing” are flawed but not horribly flawed to where they don’t care about morals." There's a big difference between caring about morals and having the backbone to follow through if things are hard. A majority of people (of any gender) don't have that kind of backbone.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 12:35 AM
–

I see a lot more men complaining about women going after "bad men" than I see women complaining about their choices.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 12:32 AM
2

So, first off, women on average don't prefer the hypermasculine super jacked male body. That's a male fantasy. Women on average tend to go for lean and fit men. The provider bit is an interesting one, but I think assuming that if a woman is looking for a partner who is gainfully employed she is looking for a provider is intellectually dishonest. Most often, she is looking for a partner of similar socioeconomic status. (Especially since many men get mean if their female partners out earn them.) T…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 12:18 AM
9

The support for the greater male variability hypothesis is decidedly mixed (edited to fixed typo), and depends on which factors you look at.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/26 11:26 PM
–

I suspect this is one of those things that's going to vary by subculture. I didn't have a bachelorette party at all. Not even a wedding shower. But my wedding was fairly small - maybe forty people attended - and I wasn't interested in all the auxiliary rituals. (I was far more focused on buying us a house.) Some of my friends have had some kind of gathering of women before their wedding. Some called it a bachelorette party, some called it a wedding shower, some had both, some just called it a gi…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/26 11:11 PM
3

Can't speak for most, but I haven't. There are reason I have trouble finding a compatible man - but that has far more to do with the small slice of the population who would be compatible with me, rather than a likelihood they wouldn't be interested. (I should add, I suppose, that I'm not looking, which I'm sure hinders things!)
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/26 07:52 PM
6

And that parental love is often more conditional than people like to imagine, even from good parents.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/26 07:46 PM
6

You made a fairly serious accusation without providing any evidence. Treating that as the main point seems like fair play to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/26 07:39 PM
2

"And then these older women get mad that men their age don’t pick them and want to pursue someone younger." You're conflating two different things. I have yet to see an older man chasing women half his age or younger that I would touch with a ten foot pole. I think they're gross. (Moreso now that I'm a professor and I spend time with folks half my age on the regular. The thought of creeping on them turns my stomach.) I also don't lack romantic prospect my own age of better quality than the ones …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/26 07:15 PM
2

I'm more than a little dubious about having a live in relationship of any sort, and particularly with a man. (In my experience, men are more likely to try to maneuver me into doing most domestic work.) But I'm vastly more dubious about marriage. When I was a young woman intending to have children, marriage hurt me rather than helped me economically. I don't see that it offers me much in the way of actual protection now.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/26 06:57 PM
1

"A desire to pass down ones DNA is the reason why life continues to exist." Organisms that engage in behaviors that lead to having young that survive to have more young are more likely to be represented in subsequent generations. That's all. That doesn't mean the organisms necessarily want to have more young per se - an instinct to fuck isn't the same as a desire to have kids. It also doesn't mean that there's any inherent meaning to having kids. Or, more importantly, that the life of someone wh…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/26 06:41 PM
2

"The socialism comparison also isn't saying women should redistribute sex." I have certainly heard arguments for redistribution of sex, usually based either on coercive social structures (sex outside of marriage made illegal, no fault divorce banned, etc) or on the idea that the government would pay for prostitutes for the unselected men. (Hell, Ross Douthat - who is godawful, but does write for the NYT - touched on something like this some years back.)
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/26 06:34 PM
2

Or drinking tea. (Clarification: like giving someone else tea to drink.)
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/26 06:31 PM
3

"But most adult social groups are centered around sports leagues, board game nights, running clubs, or other niche hobbies." Well, yes, the easiest social groups to break into are built around shared interests. And most hobbies are "niche" I suppose. (I mean, you listed some of the most generic.) Many of the rest are built around shared history, which will be less accessible to a newcomer. So... you mostly want to go out to pick up women, and don't really have other hobbies that you can use to m…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/26 06:28 PM
–

In your world, hiring someone to be a computer programmer because they have research experience writing computer programs is some bullshit?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/26 04:45 AM
4

It's worth noting that there are major problems with replicability in the social sciences. That doesn't mean social sciences research is worthless, but if does mean that you shouldn't take any single paper as proof of something. But then, you shouldn't have done that anyway. It also helps to have enough grasp of stats to tell whether they're talking about a large, small, or tiny effect. But when you see many papers across many different groups showing a large effect across many populations? That…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 07:26 PM
1

Offer to whom? I'm a professor. I work with 18-22 year olds all the time. (Though in most of my CS classes, we have 1/4-1/3rd non traditional students.) The 18-22 year olds mostly date each other - probably because they are looking to people at similar stages in life that they can relate to. Now, I'm in my fifties, and I absolutely wouldn't date the 18-22 year old, even if they weren't my student (to me, they just feel like children). And I probably wouldn't date the 35 year old - especially for…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 07:12 PM
2

Yes, and there is a great deal of evidence in how managers evaluate the performance of men vs. women, too. But I've already done one lit review for you, and you still haven't provided any evidence to back up your original assertion. I'm also talking here about actual peer reviewed studies, not my own anecdotal experiences. Though, hm... I'm not sure if I have ever seen a male manager preferentially hire a young beautiful woman. I was usually one of very few women in my groups when I was in indus…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 06:44 PM
1

No, I am refuting the broad claim that you made (and did not provide evidence for). Trying to turn this into me making a broad claim is specious. To refute your claim I gave you a sampling of the primary literature that I knew best off the top of my head - not all of which was based on resumes/CVs (but it was focused on that). I'm going to assume your attempt to reframe my response to your assertion is based in a lack of experience with logical argument and not bad faith, but this is not fair pl…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 06:30 PM
8

There's also a matter of different gender standards in communication. Men claim to be pretty harsh with each other, and be criticized when they treat women the same way. (Research generally shows that in fact they are more harsh to women than men, or that they realize, but I think there's room for nuance there, and certainly general trends != individual action.) But women are often comparing this not to how men treat each other, but how their female friends and coworkers treat them. And seriousl…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 05:17 PM
3

"Getting a job as a woman is much much easier..." This isn't only untrue, it's ridiculously untrue, and there's an extensive literature about it, of which I'll give you just a sample. Both men and women favor CVs with male names instead of female ones in Science. https://journals.asm.org/doi/full/10.1128/mmbr.00018-19 This study says that there is strong bias towards male applicants in (higher paid) male dominated fields, but also bias towards women in women dominated fields: https://www.science…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 05:06 PM
1

Why?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/26 11:09 PM
6

This has not been my experience at all. Hell, when I've taken guys to bed for explicitly no strings sex, most of them decided they wanted a relationship. (...which was kind of awkward, because generally I did not.) If taking a guy to bed makes him less interested? He was a player in the first place.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/26 05:30 PM
–

You're welcome.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/26 11:47 PM
1

There's also sometimes an element of different communication modes, too.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/26 07:43 PM
1

" the same men that get women will also be the same men at the top of the hierarchy and competitiveness and competence as if there were no women." Often, but not always. I've definitely been in situations where there were guys who the men in a group were really impressed by who did not impress the women in the group.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/26 05:41 PM
3

Nah, you're inserting things she didn't say.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/26 01:35 AM
16

I've taught the prairie vole literature before - though not recently. (My doctoral work was in neurobio, but my career has taken another direction.) I think people are often too quick to extrapolate from animal studies. (Don't get me wrong, I get that it can be tempting! I suppose it helped that I worked on sea slugs.) We aren't prairie voles, and even relatively subtle shifts on receptor density, hormone amounts, and so on can make for some fairly major changes. Montane voles are much closer to…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/26 01:07 AM
5

"I wouldn't date a guy who makes significantly less than me because I want a partner who can enjoy the same lifestyle as me. I don't want to be financially supported." We are talking about this, right? She wants someone who can afford to enjoy the same kind of lifestyle she can afford. (I'm guessing vacations, nicer places to live, etc.) This doesn't mean either is supporting the other.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/26 12:12 AM
7

Sure, but what are they using to track that? Last I checked, people don't develop glowing hearts on their bellies when they are in stable pair bonded love.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/26 12:07 AM
3

We have three states. Her making substantially more. Both making about the same. Him making more. Saying that you don't want to date someone who makes a lot less than you isn't equivalent to saying that you want to be supported. (Or that you want to date someone who makes substantially more than you.) This doesn't seem logically difficult. I could put it in mathematical terms if that would be easier for you?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/26 12:04 AM
36

Are you mostly looking at the Prairie Vole literature or what here? I'd like to see this. Look at psychological studies, most of what I've seen tends towards men falling in love faster. For instance: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10481035/
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/26 11:29 PM
4

Are you thinking that they'd both contribute equally, or that she would support him?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/26 09:13 PM
6

More like different traditions for gender roles.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/26 09:03 PM
9

The boys I grew up with generally turned out well, which gives me a fair bit of hope on that count.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/26 06:27 PM
8

I'd probably be better looking as a man than a woman. (And I'm above average for a woman, but I'm also taller and more muscular than most, which would stand me in good stead as a man.) My family, OTOH, is a major mess, which makes it really hard to predict how my upbringing would have translated. Most likely I would be a progressive techie (by both family background and where I grew up). Going into law would be a possibility as well. Would I be a feminist? Maybe, but definitely not for certain. …
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/26 06:23 PM
12

"And then the part two of this question- if the answer IS that theyre settling, or just using these men for money. How would you prove or disprove this?" Well, one thing you could do that wouldn't prove the assertion about using the men for their money, but could strong strongly suggest that it's not true is look at their financial arrangements. I don't know many couple where the man is supporting the woman (unless you count couples with very young children, and considering that massive amount o…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/26 06:10 PM
1

Not so. While it has become more common, it's been going on for decades. (My source: admissions committee members at my last few universities, where I was a professor, a postdoc and grad student.)
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/26 05:30 PM
5

Hey, I post links to primary papers on the regular!
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/26 01:44 AM
5

I was interested in this from the title, but the metrics you list don't really interest me. I would like to know who can have a substantive conversation - not whether they are online all the time and respond to every message.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/26 04:10 PM
7

OKCupid used to be a stats thing, that matched based on answers to questions (and how much you cared about the answer). It was pretty cool. But it has regressed to the mean.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/26 04:08 PM
0

But the pushy, uncomfortable stuff is the leading edge of what most of us experience. Especially on OLD.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/26 02:19 PM
-1

So once upon a time, back in undergrad (early nineties) I was walking to the bus stop with my then girlfriend (we were both bi) discussing catcalling and the culture of harassment of women by men. So we decided to conduct an experiment. (Also, we thought the idea was funny.) I'm white, she's black, we were both young, cute and femme. We both got a lot of attention on the regular. We catcalled men. What we did was pretty tame, really. We picked out good looking guys who looked confident (because …
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/26 02:27 AM
-1

...or maybe you could actually read the research on these subjects, and realize how weak your argument really is. There is a lot to be said about improving education for boys, and encouraging college. But men are submitting weaker applications, and people are trying to give them a leg up despite that.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/26 02:10 AM
4

Thailand has higher rates of female infidelity than anywhere in Europe.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 10:51 PM
–

"Is it fair to say that romantic relationships/dating often requires a specific set of social skills that are disproportionately demanded on men and the benchmark for these particular social skills keeps moving (sometimes unfairly) as a result of that imbalance and outside influences like romantic media erotic content, social media, etc?" No. There has been change, but the change is in the number of men who have very few face to face social interactions, and lack social skills to a severe degree…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 10:43 PM
5

Feminism was about giving women more place in public life (which includes the vote, financial freedom, etc) and the ability to make their own choices. Among those choices are the choices to marry, or not, and the choices to have children - or not. Not to mention the choice to choose when to have children. If you're upset about birthrates, looking into the various factors that have women who would like to have children putting it off might be a better approach? Being able to afford housing and da…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 10:35 PM
7

Then maybe men should apply as much as women and submit applications that are as strong as women.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 08:06 PM
3

Er, what? Affirmative action for men isn't enough?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 07:51 PM
7

"If there are programs to make it easier for women to get accepted into university get grants, get certain jobs, etc, that makes it harder for the men that have to compete with them." And yet, men are generally getting into colleges with poorer applications. This has been going on for decades.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 06:42 PM
2

I am myself a horny monkey. And I lived with my exhusband for two and a half years before I married him. Amount of sex wanted wasn't a mystery. (And he didn't always want more. There were definitely nights where I was more interested in sex than he was. So I grabbed my vibrator.) But his actions during our marriage did gradually reduce my interest in having sex with him to zero, over the course of many years. (Some of it was general things like promising to clean the dishes after I made a nice d…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 06:40 PM
–

Can you speak clearly in a relaxed manner? Can you engage in conversation (going back and forth, with all parties given room to participate, etc.)? Can you recognize your audience. Can you read the room? Can you pick up on and respond gracefully to emotional nuances in a conversation? Are you entertaining. (And can you adjust your methods to be entertaining to the people you are with?) Can you listen appreciative to other people being entertaining? Do you notice when a conversation is going on o…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 06:01 PM
4

Well, not unique. Perhaps "unusual among western countries"?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 05:20 PM
–

Sometimes they choose to. There was a big push from inside teams to allow Olympic volley ball players to have uniforms that were not bikinis. (Men had more modest, comfortable uniforms. The women weren't the ones requiring bikinis.)
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 04:11 PM
–

A lot of humor is cruel, and meant to be cruel. If you dislike cruelty, it tends to grate pretty quickly.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 03:43 AM
–

But they aren't.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/26 04:07 PM
7

Seriously. If they were interested in increasing how many women had children, they might try doing things that made having children more attractive to women. *Improving maternal health care, and making the process less dangerous. *Paid parental leave. (I particularly like the Swedish model.) *Subsidized daycare. *Supporting remote and/or hybrid work *Fighting discrimination against mothers Instead, it's all going after abortion, birth control, and no fault divorce. Which is like hanging out a si…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/26 10:53 PM
–

Men frequently aren't good judges of their own, or other men's, attractiveness to women.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/26 10:44 PM
1

There is a sizeable population of men - over-represented here - who do not have the gift of gab. Some don't even have the gift of stammer.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/26 09:20 PM
1

I'm not sure where you got your data. (The study I found that most closely resembles it is out of the UK, and doesn't go very deep.) This article covers a little more: https://dailyiowan.com/2025/04/29/gen-z-women-say-i-dont/ You are conflating two different things - getting married, and having children. And for Gen Z women, these increasingly aren't linked. More women are choosing to cohabitate and raise children with their partners without being married.* But also, more women are choosing not …
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/26 09:07 PM
21

The women who sleep around - which isn't all women, or even most women, though it may be the only women you are attracted to - are unlikely to chastise men who are just looking for sex. Of course, they tend to be a minority of women, with a much large number of men to pick from. So they can be hard to attract. (I say this as someone who had a lot of fun having a lot of casual sex. I was not a public utility, and I had the pick of whom I wanted - actually either for sex or relationships.) Women w…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/26 08:52 PM
1

What do you mean by cold approaching. I'm pretty open to having conversations to strangers. And if, after an extended conversation they ask me out, I may or may not accept but I won't be offended. Randos walking up to me and asking me out? Hard pass. To me that demonstrates two things - first, that they're asking me out entirely based on appearance, and second, that they aren't strong on social skills.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/26 07:32 PM
1

I have tended to do most of the approaching. Though usually this starts with having a protracted conversation with someone without the intent of asking them out. Then, if I like them, I ask them out. If someone is withdrawn enough that they can't open up during such a conversation, they're dealing with more social deficits than I want to take on. "The more women a man approaches, the higher his chances of success." That saturates pretty quickly. If a many hits on a lot of women in the same socia…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/26 07:27 PM
2

This isn't in any way new. My oldest friend's father stayed home back in the early seventies. He was a great house spouse, and their family is part of why I know what a functional family looks like. Though as others have mentioned, I don't think salary is the only factor.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/26 07:23 PM
10

Men have been receiving preferential treatment in admissions for decades now, because fewer men have been applying and their applications are generally of lower quality. Research into why boys are doing worse in school has also been happening, and a lot of the problem is that we don't have clear answers. Many of the answers that are most frequently stated in fora like this one aren't actually so clear cut. For instance, while a number of small studies suggested that having male teachers helped b…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/26 07:19 PM
4

To be fair, plenty of other clergy as well - the Catholic sex abuse scandals came out first (in large part because Catholicism is very large), but the others weren't far behind.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/26 07:03 PM
25

And how wars were more likely when you had larger populations of single men stirring up trouble.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/26 07:02 PM
8

I like children. In college, I was one of very few who wanted to have kids. But I also worked with kids, and between doing a lot of the parenting for my younger sibs* and seeing how overworked and exhausted the parents at my school were, I went in cautious. OTOH, I also had serious stock options, and could afford the nice house in the good school district, and could have afforded a fair bit of hired help. (And then I figured out that my ex was not going to be a committed and involved father, whi…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/26 04:32 AM
0

No, that's not how the term is generally used, nor has it ever been. This is true only in your head.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/26 12:02 AM
1

You seem to be asserting that "bad" is always a moral judgement. But if something tastes bad, or if they have bad fashion sense, tell bad jokes, etc - it's not a moral judgement, and it can be highly subjective. (Hence, my sense that someone has a bad personality might by just fine by someone else.)
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/26 12:01 AM
2

No, they're just unappealing. A certain modicum of social skills is expected of a functional adult. The less of those you have, the more majorly you would have to shine in other ways to offset it. Similarly, I wouldn't be interested in dating someone who never learned to dress themselves. (I'm not talking here someone who was unable to do so for some reason, but some who just never bothered to learn how.) Some could be a bit shy and awkward, but if I got to know them (say, we were in an activity…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/26 11:39 PM
11

I think it's just shorthand. We can only just on what we can tell about a person. Someone could be amazing inside... but if they're unappealing in their presentation, how can we know? AKA, we can't read anyone's mind.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/26 05:43 PM
3

"They automatically think that every woman from a developing country is some gullible, easily manipulated woman when some are master manipulators themselves." Which is a conversation we were just having. I've known immigrants who married US citizens for citizenship. Most of them were focused and hustled. And a lot of them dumped their US husbands. I think a lot of passport bros are looking for women they can control. That doesn't mean I think the women from poorer countries are that. (Though the…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/26 05:42 PM
25

"It could be that he’s corny and probably shaking in his boots as he shoots his shot." This is why I separate out social skills from personality. Social skills are presentation. Personality is the person. (And attractiveness does matter. It's just not the only thing that matters.) And there's also just a lot of luck and randomness in dating.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/26 05:39 PM
9

Access to abortion is a pretty major right that has already been restricted in twenty states, and women have died or been otherwise majorly harmed because of lack of access to appropriate medical care. Ending no fault divorce has been talked about a lot by the GOP. I don't think they're going to be in a position to do anything about it nationally, but I wouldn't be surprised if we see state laws changing there. Restricting women's right to vote is unlikely to happen in any across the boards way …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/26 07:50 PM
10

They can, but I wonder how much you see that for languages with the geographic diversity of English. Social norms vary hugely within English speaking areas. I'll give you an example. I grew up in Seattle. Seattle culture tends to be very introverted generally (very little catcalling - not necessarily because everyone is nicer, but because they'd have to talk to you...) and tends to have a lot of awareness of subcultural cues kind of built in. I'm outgoing - especially for someone from Seattle! P…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/26 07:39 PM
–

"Too smooth" and "too slick" are concerns, yes.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/26 12:36 AM
0

Because it's not something women are proud of. "Intercourse frequently hunts", is both personal and embarrassing. But also pretty common. (Significantly moreso with women raised in purity culture.)
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 11:31 PM
2

I made my own dress.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 11:17 PM
3

I think my wedding would have been under a thousand even today - the officiant was a friend (very common in my social circle) and we had a potluck cookout afterwards. Maybe 30-40 people in attendance.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 10:39 PM
7

...it wasn't in the past then, either. Hell, in 2015, I was living in Cleveland and dealing with abuse from men on a near daily basis.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 10:01 PM
3

And weddings don't have to be expensive.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 10:00 PM
2

"So many young men I know, are working fast food jobs with STEM degrees because there’s no jobs and AI is taking jobs on a regular basis." So, I'm not going to argue that the market hasn't been sucky, but it's more complicated. See: https://www.trueup.io/job-trend The big drop was after the companies went on a bit of a hiring spree during lockdown, because people were using online services like crazy during lockdown. This was exacerbated by interest rate changes (trying to slow down inflation) w…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 09:59 PM
1

I can about the interpersonal skills far more than I care about a track record. That all being said - I'm in my fifties. If a guy has no experience and he's near my age, I'm at least going to want to know why, and I might want to go slow with some things, depending on what experience he has had.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 09:38 PM
1

Let's also remember that there are a bunch of guys (here) who do not have any in person friends, and pretty little social experience. Which isn't the case for all romantically inexperienced men, but the two not infrequently co-occur.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 09:31 PM
7

"But none of that requires treating modern men as morally suspect because of what men in history did." You act like this is all in the past.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 09:27 PM
3

Generally in Europe, or mostly in the UK? (I feel like I have a pretty good sense of transphobia in the UK - which has some pretty different dynamics than in the US - but not so much in Europe generally. Though it didn't seem to predominate in the Scandis when I was last there, hanging with trans friends.)
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 07:58 PM
3

The TERFs are awful, and loud, but numerically they're a minority.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 07:56 PM
2

With a lot of this, it felt like it was more about being seen to lead, or being credit for leading, rather than actually doing any leading. (Not that I'm looking for a man to lead. But also, these guys really weren't, they were just trying to tear me down.)
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 07:55 PM
0

In my experience, size does matter. Though people's size preferences vary more than most men give them credit for - it's far more "right size" than "bigger". I do like bigger dicks. (Though as I often point out, many of my lovers don't have penises at all, so big dicks are clearly optional.) I know a lot of women who specifically prefer smaller dicks - mostly because larger dicks make sex painful for them. Though you'll probably hear women saying this less at a bar or such.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 07:53 PM
4

In that we're talking about educated professional women, and especially educated professional women in STEM, sure. But it's really common in that population, pretty broadly.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 06:50 PM
8

If I knew women who acted like this, I'd critique them harshly. If I knew men who were in this situation, I'd tell him I thought she was stringing them along. (I have heard other women say this to men, but I didn't know those men or the specifics of their situations.) Whether I'd count them as victims rather than morons depends on the situation. If he's continuing after a clear rejection, that's clearly moron territory. (Though it's pretty icky behavior on her part in any case. Though I have see…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 06:49 PM
7

This has shown up in enough of my relationships - and not at the very beginning, as trying to take charge of me is auto-dump material - and enough of those of friends that I'm pretty sure it is true for a lot of men, even if it's not for you. But I also think a lot of these men would have claimed this wasn't something they cared about. Seriously - if you want to be seen to be in charge, you shouldn't try to date me. But somewhere along the line, their insecurities kicked in, and they responding …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 06:37 PM
5

I was specifically thinking of the dynamic I've encountered where men - knowing that I'm smart and successful - pursue me, but then try to put down my accomplishments, and tell me what to do. (And to cook for them. And posit that their career is more important than mine, without any reason this would be so.) It's less a being in charge about everything all the time and more of... presenting as asserting traditional masculine authority in select areas?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 06:25 PM
12

Sure, but then culturally a lot of men want to be in charge in their relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 04:47 PM
5

Being outgoing and charismatic are huge plusses. I'm both, and the same guys who claim they want quiet shy girls flock to me. But we're talking about how things are expressed publicly. So being socially anxious and awkward are the real minuses, and are often what people perceive as insecurity. (And, to be fair, they do often track with insecurity.)
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 04:43 PM
1

I'm wondering if the show The Bachelor changed how younger folks perceived the word...
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/26 03:45 PM
2

No, I'm a neurobiologist, who had standards of evidence. Which you haven't presented.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/26 04:04 AM
2

I'd worry about whether such programs put measures in place that made abuse and control of the women easier. But if guys are willing to be used in order to get temporary access to sex... shrug
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/26 03:47 AM
1

And there's a good chance she's making 100K.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/26 03:44 AM
5

So what, do you want to rail a bunch of hoes then settle down and only have missionary with your wife? I can't even figure out how you think this is supposed to work.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/26 02:32 AM
0

So, some of this depends on whether you're looking for something longer term. Though taking someone to bed who you wouldn't be friends with skeeves me out. Does she have her life together? Not perfect, sure, but Is she on top of the things she can be - living within her means, making and executing plans for her life, paying bills on time, etc. Does she have basic life skills? Does she know how to back up her own data, change a toilet flapper, dispute a mistaken insurance charge, cook an egg, cha…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/26 01:51 AM
1

You're making a distinction I'm not quite getting... "If you come off as tense and evasive, people will naturally match your energy. Even if you have great social skills, people will be too tense and evasive to want to converse." The kind of energy you give off is part of your social skills. It's a big part. It's never just what you say, but how you say it.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/26 01:34 AM
1

Oxycontin, yes?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 11:23 PM
4

But you have no connection there with oxytocin. You are claiming a specific mechanism for something for which we do not know the mechanism. And you are doing so without evidence.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 10:55 PM
2

Bachelor just means an unmarried man, it doesn't imply being sought after. You can have sad sack bachelors. Confirmed bachelors can be men who prefer unofficial relationships, but also can mean men who just aren't interested in women. (Confirmed bachelor does imply choice, but bachelor really does not.)
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 08:14 PM
1

If this were true, you wouldn't have way more men on OLD than women.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 08:09 PM
6

I think a lot of the younger guys here really think it's typical of most women. But are also very focused on those women.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 08:08 PM
10

Where is your evidence? You haven't presented any.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 04:48 PM
2

Likely
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 05:25 AM
18

But that's not true of all chemicals. You're making an analogy. That's not evidence.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 05:25 AM
19

What is your evidence that casual sex makes people less sensitive to oxytocin?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 03:15 AM
0

The value men provide isn't from being men, it's from being humans. The only things that each of us can do that the other can't are related to reproduction. Because we have far more in common than otherwise. People aren't fungible - you can't just throw out one, and replace it with another with the same plumbing. People have all kinds of unique qualities. But other than reproduction, those qualities don't derive from your gender. Which is a plea to men to value yourselves for things in addition …
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 03:14 AM
10

There's also a reason why people are discouraged / forbidden from treating family members. The lack of objectivity means stuff tends to get weird. (Look, humans suck at being objective in the best case.) And having a doctorate doesn't absolve you from bullshit. (I'm not saying she is either wrong or right, mind.)
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 03:08 AM
18

"It's also damaging men's and women mentally by revving up dopamine loops and de-sensitizing the brain to oxytocin in women and vasopressin in men, which are neurochemicals directly responsible for building trust, emotional security, and social attachment." Okay, while both hormones are important in behavior, this isn't how it works at all. Oxytocin is involved in pair-bonding in both women and men. (Also, in out-group aggression. The whole "hug drug" reputation you see in pop sci is actually a …
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 02:56 AM
1

I don't have a son. But I do have a lot of men in my life who I love or at least like quite a bit. I'm generally pretty sympathetic to them, though occasionally exasperated - the way one is with folks you're close to and know on a day to day basis. (My adopted brother - absolutely will help him move bodies if it came to it. We text each other pretty much every day, often throughout the day. Been his shoulder to cry on through a number of breakups - and the reverse, though not as often! But he's …
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 02:40 AM
2

"Men are free to sort women much more than they currently do, but because they are desperate, they do not." Except they do, all the time. The only ones who don't are the ones who are desperate, which isn't most men.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 02:00 AM
4

How much experience do you have with long term single (not by choice*) women? I mean, sure, women have made a point of affirming other women, and making a point that they have worth beyond their relationships to men. And women have also claimed that value for themselves. But it's not default granted, and many people are still very judgemental. (Especially female family members, especially if your family is more traditional.) A man can be a confirmed bachelor, which is a position that far predate…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 01:58 AM
2

This is the lowest effort level of addressing the problem. At least were I am, if someone is constantly bitching about something but not doing anything about it, it will be pointed out, and not kindly. Though on the flip side, there are a lot of offers of aid for those who are ready to do something.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/26 10:50 PM
0

Oh, sweetie. The majority of people do not respond well to statistical arguments. Which is not in my experience a gendered thing. (I've had the worst experiences with this with men, anyway.) I tend to think of this in term of narrative vs. statistical - human brains really like stories. And a lot of people struggle to understand and relate to numerical arguments. A classic example is that if you make a plea for charity and show one or two starving children, by name, and talk about your lives, yo…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/26 07:39 PM
-3

Most sex is had between people who know each other. A woman who is banging it out twice a day in a relationship may well have a higher sex drive than a man who is jacking off once a day and mad because he can't get a girlfriend.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/26 05:30 PM
0

I mean, I agree, but until guys have enough experience to work out the difference, when they say they're after sex I'm going to take them at their words. Especially since it generally means that most of our interactions are going to be less pleasant, creepier, and more prone to them trying to deceive me. I don't think the guy here are typical of guys in general - and thank heavens for that!
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 10:41 PM
1

"I agree that folding under pressure (such as peer pressure) is part of it that I have experienced from both genders, but I kind of expected that under certain circumstances because a majority of people are weak willed and need approval from their peers." It was more than a bit of a shock to me when I first ran into it. Or at least, ran into it from people who I had liked and respected. Though I learned a lot about who my friends were, and what makes a good friend.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 07:44 PM
–

I would read the data pretty critically, and the controls would have to be correct. (For instance, comparing poor people in a country with shit infrastructure and a fucked up government to middle class people in a stable society is an obvious fail.) The same way I would if I were reviewing a paper for publication. But I'd be willing to consider it.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 06:54 PM
3

"Average women in our natural state are invisible to men." This depends so much on things like coloring, skin type, etc. And sure, those can be beauty markers, but they aren't sufficient. They may or may not need makeup or, or much knowledge of what to do with their hair. I would expect most men to struggle with dressing, at least some. Straight men seem to be actively encouraged not to develop good color sense.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 06:28 PM
–

Because we see the patterns across many societies with gender, and not race.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 05:44 PM
2

Can you expand on people picking and choosing? I don't know if you mean that they form their own system of ethics in part from the array of ethics that's around them in a society - which I'd generally think of as a healthy process (though not all resultant systems are going to be healthy.) Or if you mean that they don't always bother to apply the ethics they claim to follow. I have found that a lack of backbone, and an inability to follow through under pressure are where people have disappointed…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 05:42 PM
–

Poverty seems to be the big factor there.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 05:17 PM
0

"And yet when women face systematic issues men have to be understanding and supportive and helpful, but when men face the exact dame kind of systematic issues that have been crippling them then its kinda his fault and he can't expect help or support to get his shit together despite decades of emotional neglect. " It's partly his fault. Because a big part of this is socialization, and that's driven in large part by decisions he made. Having and maintaining a circle of in person friends is somethi…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 05:14 PM
16

Who the hell is saying that it's not biological? It's both. There are cultural differences in rates of violence, so socialization does matter. But the huge difference in rates of violence between men and women points to a pretty major biological factor, too. (An interesting factoid - at least when I last looked, in many cases as murder rates by young men go down, suicide rates tend to go up. But then you have places like the US where both are high, so...)
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 05:00 PM
–

Those conversations predate Trump. Hell, young men have been receiving affirmative action in college admissions for decades now.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 04:26 PM
–

This seems like an extreme read on things. And very high school. Most people get better at this over time. I for one hit forty and largely ran out of fucks. I still filter content (and somewhat presentation) by audience, of course.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 07:28 PM
–

So you expect what, to people just to act entirely out of their gut, all the time, with no awareness of the context? Of course I act differently with different people. I don't discuss my sex life with my students, I rarely discuss the assignments I've given with my friends. (But not never, because pedagogy fascinates me, and a number of friends are also techies, and some teach.)
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 07:26 PM
1

Over, and over and over again? If you don't want to talk to women, and particularly not women who have different opinions, this isn't really the sub for you. It's a debate and discussion sub. I'm pretty sure incel support groups exist.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 06:35 PM
11

And he'd be inundated by creepy dudes wanting to sext. Which is a lot of why there are so many fewer women on OLD sites.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 06:31 PM
6

"...but I think the link between "right to privacy" and "ability to terminate a pregnancy" was a little loose even if the result was good." Oh, I agree, and this has been discussed in the legal community at length. Ginsburg spoke at length about how it should have been grounded in equal protection and gender equality. "That's fair. I would point out that all those things are not things said by the Trump Administration either during the campaign or while now in power beyond the Roe ruling." Remem…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 06:28 PM
–

"It feels like men are expected to show emotional investment without ever making the other person feel restricted." This sounds like a pretty reasonable place to start. But of course, it will vary by individual.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 06:15 PM
9

It depends on what you look at. Young women have embraced non-patriarchal values while young men have more or less stayed the same. But while young women have stayed more democratic, young men have become substantially more republican (while still slightly more democratic on the whole.) And let's be clear, with an administration that credits itself with overturning Roe (and reasonably so) and with talking points like ending no fault divorce(1), pushing women into early marriage (2), and ending w…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 05:25 PM
2

Does this describe your experiences with yourself? Because it sure doesn't describe my experiences as a woman.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 03:40 PM
6

Oh, FFS. Most young people don't know what they like in term of relationships, because they haven't had many and are figuring it out. This might be somewhat flattened out early on in young men because of the overriding urge to have sex - but it's just as true for y'all when you start having actual relationships. There's also an element where a lot of folks don't feel that comfortable saying what they like. Perhaps even moreso with men, with all the telling women what they think will get women in…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 03:37 PM
11

And also there aren't underlying issues with what emotions they're feeling (crying or raging because another man spoke to your girlfriend at a party shows issues) or, more likely, how they grapple with and express those emotions. Look, I know there are a lot of things about our society that make it easy for young men to be emotionally stunted. But if a man opens up, and what opening up reveals is that he doesn't have the emotional maturity one might reasonably expect of a sixth grader, of course…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 03:32 PM
9

Men who can't grasp that women are people, which means individuals with their own wants and needs that vary, are lost. There is no cheat code.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 03:25 PM
1

Men in my family tend to be good-looking charismatic assholes, at least in their youths. And since I look a lot like my male relatives already* I have a pretty good idea what I'd look like. But taller! (Not really surprising, my brother was 6'5", but I'm already tall.) I like to think I'd avoid that assholery? But considering that I have had a high libido for a woman, I would probably get right on with sowing my wild oats. And I suppose I'd still be bi, so I'd be sowing them on both sides of the…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 03:23 PM
21

I'd prefer it. Men who are set on the traditional provider and protector thing tend not to be able to cope with me. But it's not nearly as important as having integrity (and a backbone) and keeping his word.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 04:55 AM
2

Intentionally date up, but also intentionally date down. A lot of men like the idea of their girlfriend/wife being more attractive than they are, but are not comfortable with her outearning him, or having more professional recognition. (Unless it's in a comfortably female coded field.)
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 04:46 PM
–

Do you know anything about Islam, or are you focusing on just a few Arab countries? Senegal. Indonesia. Turkey (though less so than it used to be, curse Erdogan). Those just off the top of my head.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 04:00 PM
–

Have you talked to the women in the social circle who know them?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 03:46 PM
–

And yet plenty of guys who aren't 6'6", hot and ripped, are in committed happy relationships. What makes Dan different?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 03:45 PM
5

How many of these cultures didn't have a coming of age ceremony for boys, too? Because that has been the norm.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 02:46 PM
–

So what makes Dan a loser? Because half my social circle are nerds married other nerds, most of it whom are in tech.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 02:19 PM
5

Yes, but the rest is high subjective.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 02:31 AM
1

"The rest comes down to evidence and a jury." Actually, no. You are skipping from the reporting process to the investigating process, even though it's well documented that police have historically been biased against women who report rape and often reluctant to investigate them. (And also often try to convince them not to press charges.)
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 02:31 AM
11

Have you ever spent time around someone who was dealing with dementia? Because the loss of self is really apparent. You might still be human, but lose the person that you were.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 02:29 AM
9

First, remember that most women don't just look at men and lust after them. It's a different process. Even when we lust after actors or something, it's usually more than just their looks - there's a whole set of performances, and stories about them that give an idea of who they are. (Often a false idea, and I'm not into the lusting after celebrities thing, personally. Okay, there was the crush on Michelle Yeoh...) So, I do sometimes lust after average looking men, though not because of their app…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 02:22 AM
8

I see possessions and reputation as much more external than skills. Losing skills cuts a lot deeper.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 02:16 AM
1

"As a woman: the kind of men who consistently pursue you for dating with serious intentions." Ew. Most of them are mistaken. Maybe the fraction of them who you'd consider? (This is part of why I mostly initiate. Saves me time wading through the swamp.)
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 01:39 AM
2

Bullying is a dealbreaker. Snark isn't... though the wittiness to meanness ratio has to be pretty high.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 01:37 AM
10

You say history, and then you cite mythology from a religious text written by men. Maybe think a little about where you get your examples?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 01:16 AM
6

With 2-4% percent of reported rapists being convicted, it's hard for me to get that excited about this? "You cannot say outliers don't matter of women falsely accused and then base your opinion of the system purely on outliers" ...like only looking at the tiny percentage of men who are convicted?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 12:54 AM
–

So, in most western cultures young men's sexual contacts were far less heavily vetted than women's, so putting this out as if there was some kind of equivalency here is problematic. I can't speak for 2026 (some of my students are pretty open about who they have sex with, some probably aren't). But in the nineties, I made it very clear to the members of family I was on speaking terms with* that they had no say over whom I slept with, and then was pretty open about it. I mean, my younger sibs met …
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 12:52 AM
8

"I like beer"
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 12:19 AM
5

There are false accusations of rape. They occur at about the same rate as false accusations of any other crime - around %5. (And most of them don't go anywhere.) But you can put "man rape light sentence" into google news and come up with pages of stories, the overwhelming majority of which haven't gotten much in the way of national coverage, of men who were given surprisingly and often unreasonably light sentences after committing pretty awful crimes.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 12:19 AM
12

It is commonly used to excuse the sexual assaults of young men.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 12:13 AM
1

I think avoiding the fora where this is how you are routinely treated is a pretty reasonable response, no larping involved.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 12:11 AM
8

It's not really the pornographers I don't trust with my ID. (I'm not saying they're trustworthy per se.) It's the fact that this makes a record of what really should be private. How many large data breaches have there been just this year?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 12:10 AM
4

...so?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 12:07 AM
1

I know a number of guys here have posted female profiles online. Did you trying conversing with many of the guys who contacted you? Because my experience (and experiences shared with many of my female friends) is that a majority of the men on OLD are far more interested in sexting than conversing, and it's likely you'll exchange a couple of messages... and then he started fantasizing about how he's going to rail you so hard you can feel it in your throat or something. Maybe you don't get how off…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 11:57 PM
0

Sort of. I think most women aren't visually attracted to most men - but then, women tend to be less visual than men. I also think most of the time women are looking at men at long term partners, and are looking for a much higher level of long term compatibility than many men (and most of the men here) are. Men are looking for "Can I deal with being around you" (meaning, decent enough looking, nice enough) and "Will you fuck me?" You might say, less looking for Ms. Right, and more looking for Ms.…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 11:50 PM
2

I've only seen that as a reaction to very misogynistic men. (And I can't say I'm particularly worried about those men being lonely.)
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 11:42 PM
0

Sure, just approach legal remedies very carefully.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 11:39 PM
5

I hear so much hate towards OF from men on this site...
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 11:38 PM
4

TBF, I wouldn't be thrilled at the idea of a porn site having my name and info.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 11:35 PM
3

So what in men's romantic struggles is something that people are doing to men? I suppose bullying, maybe? (And I'm strongly anti-bullying. And anti-harassment.) But most of what I hear about is things that people aren't doing to men - mostly, having sex with them. And to a lesser extent having relationships with them, but at least to go by the emphasis I see here, it's largely about the sex. As it pretty routine here, you're trying to equate women ignoring men, or women not having sex with men, …
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 11:29 PM
1

I'm far more likely to date a nerd. (Of course, I'm a CS and robotics prof.) If we were looking into sharing living space - not a given even for a serious relationship with me - we'd have to come up with some kind of mutual understanding around decorating (I'm flexible, but left to my own devices I avoid merch in public spaces) and possibly some stuff about where video games are played. My big issue with the video games was an ex who insisted on a) setting up a desk in front of the main living r…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 11:20 PM
1

It is broadly assumed (in an evangelical context) that men have insatiable sex drives and most of their interactions with unrelated attractive (a flexible term) women are going to be at least sexually tinged. And that it is the woman's responsibility to dress modestly enough and keep herself at enough of a distance so that he doesn't latch on to her with sexual interest. Now, some of it is going to depend on the husband. Is every husband going to assume that a man carrying a woman's bags is look…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 11:13 PM
4

The previous poster said no one cares about men, I was just responding that police, at least, frequently don't GAF about women, either. Though when you look at what the studies I linked to (there's a whole list of published papers) found, it's not just that these are hard crimes to investigate. Police frequently investigated as little as possible, and didn't pursue the cases even when information was available. This might be the case with men too, AFAIK the untested rape kits were from women. Su…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 11:36 PM
10

My dude, we are human beings, and not that different from other human beings. Doing sweet, meaningful things, does help, because it demonstrates that you're thinking about us and still care about us. But if the only way you are holding your relationship together is throwing a lot of money at it - it's already broken. When I was married, I mostly would have preferred a quiet dinner at home*, perhaps followed by a walk to our local park, or hanging out and reading together^. Or going for a hike. O…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 07:41 PM
7

This has the sound of manosphere talking points rather than things that have actually happened.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 04:18 AM
4

It's still pretty common for police to not give a fuck if a woman is raped.* (One trove of information on this point is here, when ignored rape kits were tested, and the cases studied. https://case.edu/socialwork/begun/research-and-evaluation/gender-based-violence/sexual-assault-kit-initiative-saki ) That it's changed at all has been because of concerted and ongoing campaigns to change the laws and shame the people who dismiss such cases. Most of us who have worked for those changes also want th…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 03:42 AM
5

There have been quite a few articles over the years written by men who adopted the online persona of a woman in a business context, and how surprisingly badly it went for them. (And the reverse, and how suddenly people treated them with respect.) ...and I say this as someone who has generally been treated with respect by my male colleagues. (Yes, there have been plenty of instances showing lack of respect, but I've had far more positive experiences than negative ones. Being tall, very good at my…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 03:11 AM
9

Because we're not talking "make bad decisions" drunk, but "not fully conscious" drunk. Men that drunk usually can't function sexually, though I would imagine most would be pretty appalled if they woke up the next day to find someone fucked them up the ass.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 01:55 AM
2

If you think Instagram is representative of anything more than a tiny slice of women, I have an AI model to sell you... And I have made out with a lot of people casually, and spent time naked on the beach... but would never post a picture of any of it, because that just a bad idea! I keep saying - a lot of guys here miss the shy girls, the awkward girls, the girls who hate clubbing and would never set up an OLD account (or maybe they did once, or their friends did for them, and it was awful). I'…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 01:51 AM
3

And is probably on reddit, cursing out all those picky bitches who won't fuck him and then make him a sandwich.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/26 10:31 PM
1

But apparently not men's sexual success.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/26 09:57 PM
6

Yes, but insisting wrongly that they understand women's experiences doesn't improve their sexual strategy, it just makes them sound like assholes.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/26 03:11 PM
6

"This post is obviously not about defending abuse." Coulda fooled me.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/26 01:51 AM
–

This exactly. Fish: Water isn't why I swim. I swim because there is all this fluid stuff all around me...!
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/26 07:32 PM
15

Um, the hell? I thought y'all said simping was a bad thing, at least when men do it?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/26 06:38 PM
0

"If a woman doesn’t treat you like she always wants you around, she probably doesn’t like you." I'm cracking up here, because there isn't anyone I always want around. (I'm not really disagreeing? But while I'm in a minority, it's not a tiny minority.)
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/26 06:37 PM
-3

Possibly the only ecosystem open to most of them.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/26 05:51 PM
3

I've dated guys shorter than me, though many aren't comfortable with a woman taller than they are. I'm 5'11"
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/26 05:18 PM
–

I'm so appalled that this is a really unusual take in this forum. Less unusual in my real life! I am so creeped out by all the men who go lusting after folks young enough to be their kids. But also - don't they want someone to talk to? I adore my students, but would not want to date one.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/26 02:26 AM
–

Well, some people get bitter and jaded... 🤭
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/26 02:23 AM
–

Really not, unless you're running after crumbs.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/26 02:21 AM
–

Hey, there are a lot of super hot bald guys around. But the lack of social skills plus the contempt for women are pretty deadly.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/26 02:19 AM
–

Younger women are also fully autonomous people who aren't going to date unsocialized older guys just because because the older guys want them to. This isn't actually a solution at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/26 02:17 AM
–

It really hasn't been an issue. We talk. I look at his body language. I look at how engaged he is in the conversation (though a lot of this is also about whether I'm interested in him). Oh, and if he sends mixed signals or plays games, I drop him like a rock. (But that's been rare.) Mostly commitment hasn't been the issue, behavior once we've settled into the relationship has been the issue. (If there were issues.)
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 06:49 PM
–

Most women aren't really attracted to much younger guys. So while I hear guys say things like this, it's weird to me. (Maybe weirder to me that most, because I'm a professor, so I teach much younger students, and ew, just no.)
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 06:24 PM
5

Having had sex with a couple of men who had had a lot of former partners - they were universally excellent in bed.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 06:20 PM
–

How old are you?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 06:18 PM
–

It's also somewhat genetic. My sister got my mother's skin type (dryer and more pink toned than mine). I got something more like my grandmothers - more olive, more sun resistant, though pretty pale if I don't spend a lot of time in the sun. She's seven years younger, but a lot more wrinkly. (TBF, she also had a kid.) We're both active, have excellent nutrition, and neither of us has been into suntanning. (Also, we grew up in Seattle, and she still lives there, so lower than average sun exposure.…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 06:08 PM
2

The question is whether there has been an increase in such whining, and TBH, I hear less of it now than I did in the eighties. Control groups are important!
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 04:53 PM
2

So, you're clearly speculating, but there is a biological term for the phenomena - stotting. Stotting is when gazelles, deer etc just straight up into the air (there's a bit more to the technical definition involving posture and stiff legs). One of the theories about stotting is that they're demonstrating to potential predators - and potential mates - that they are so fit that they have the reserves to use energy frivolously. Kind of like the ruminant version of being a big spender.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 04:50 PM
8

What I'm looking for in men and women is pretty much the same. Men do get a lot more footnotes, as I've had a lot more bad experiences with men. But they aren't footnotes like "Must be 6'4"" or some shit. They mostly come down to must be able to "must be able to deal with me being good at things" and "must not expect me to be their maid". (I guess also "must be able to deal with me being tall," is also on that list. I've dated more than one guy who was apparently quite interested... but then got…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 04:26 PM
2

Folks. Men do have weaker immune systems. The exact mechanism isn't known, though several have been proposed. (And while people are looking at testosterone, they're looking at female hormones as well. And also, the truncation of the Y chromosome, which is basically an X with a bunch cut off of it. It's know than the X chromosome is involved a bunch in immune regulation.) Think about it - if it were primarily about testosterone, you'd expect older men, who generally have less testosterone, to hav…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 04:09 PM
1

What country are you in?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 03:49 PM
6

Not noticeably.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 04:17 AM
4

I should tell all the men I've beaten (mostly in sparring, mind) that they're hallucinating.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 04:15 AM
3

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/275895690\_Changes\_in\_American\_Adults'\_Sexual\_Behavior\_and\_Attitudes\_1972-2012 (Just for one, there are others that cover the ongoing decline...)
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 04:13 AM
3

Did I say it was better to be gay? I said more people had more sex than they do now. Though considering the bathhouse scene... I think you might be surprised by what gay folks were doing in the seventies and eighties, too.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 03:58 AM
3

I'm fifty-three, and queer, and in a highly multi-cultural family. But also, I've read a lot of the research about sex generally. The mid eighties weren't the peak of sex for gay people, they were peak sex for everyone. ETA: And I grew up in Seattle's gay neighborhood, Capitol Hill.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 03:51 AM
3

...you really don't know much about the seventies, do you?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 03:45 AM
2

People had a lot more sex, and had it a lot more freely. It's been going down since then. This is pretty well studied.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 03:17 AM
3

It's a little more complicated. Among the more out there - the young, the hip, etc etc - it parked in the seventies. But in normie straight culture, who were far less impacted by AIDS, as well as late to the party - it peaked in the eighties.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 03:16 AM
10

Career. A life with no friends is just not worth living, and I'm not built for that kind of social isolation. (Also, I really love my career, but that's secondary.)
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 02:38 AM
5

"even a butch woman is weaker than a scrawny guy" I mean, I'm soft butch at most*, but this really isn't my experience. I've been stronger than all but a few guys whom I've trained with - and these are guys who are training seriously. Now, I do have the familial genetic quirk that leads to ease of developing upper body strength (also a huge help to my sister, the aerialist) but scrawny guys just aren't that strong. And most of them don't know what to do with the strength they have. I have notice…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 02:37 AM
15

I'm not especially afraid of harm from men. (I mean, sure, most violent people are men, but I'm tall, strong and well trained to deal with that.) Now, most of the above instances are sexualized verbal assault rather than sexual assault. But they're still gross and unpleasant. And the collective effects of these encounters mean that I'm a lot more cautious around any male stranger who approaches me.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 01:58 AM
22

So, the situation you describe with the muscular butch woman is vanishingly unlikely. Lesbians almost never aggressively hit on strangers the way straight men do. The combination of being very aggressive and very gross is what puts me off this kind of attention. Do not talk about my body parts, especially not my tits or ass. (Or my cunt, but this is more generally understood.) Do not walk up to me and invite me to have sex with you unless you know me very well and we have an established history …
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 01:31 AM
1

"..generally not as difficult as the ones men face when it comes to getting attention, initiating, handling rejection, and creating opportunities in the first place." If you mean, women get attention more easily, etc, sure. (Though even then, there are a lot of women who don't get attention. They tend to be looking for it less - they too could get spammed by men being gross at them on OLD - but the idea that women who simply exist in society get attention is not true. If you mean that they gener…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 01:20 AM
1

Men and women face different challenges in dating. But just look through this conversation - a lot of guys think women don't face challenges in dating.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 12:33 AM
2

Well, it depends on how big, doesn't it? There is a lot of variation in preferences, and the median is dicks that are slightly largely than average. And a nice flattish distribution with a lot of women preferring dicks both larger and smaller than that.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 12:32 AM
3

In the last twenty years (and the last forty years) decreased. The amount of sex folks were having, and the freedom with which they sought out sexual partners (as opposed to relationship partners) peaked in the eighties. I'm not the only older woman here who had a great time in that period. Part of what's going on now is that everyone is having less sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 12:30 AM
3

Nah, you can find a guy who wants to fuck you. Which isn't what most of us are looking for. That it happens to be what most of you are looking for is exactly why there are so many men looking for someone to fuck.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 12:28 AM
2

Men and women joking around together is part of being social, and part of most of human history. If this is something you have problems conceiving of, you might want to think on why.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 10:17 PM
0

In my experience, a majority of very wealthy men are predatory and abusive towards women, and expect their wealth and status to protect them. Sure, a lot of women are impressed by wealth. But they hardly limit their attentions to those women. I wouldn't have had to put so many men in joint locks in my industry days if that were so.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 10:14 PM
3

Yeah, no, that's not how it works. Hell, I am distinctly above average, and if I wanted a "partner" (I put it in quotes because this isn't how you find an actual partner) I would have to go to OLD if I wanted things done in a short timeline, and while I could definitely get dates, but I wouldn't know how many were looking for a relationship and how many were just looking to fuck. (This is aside from the fact that most of these men would bore and annoy me.) You don't get a relationship in short o…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 10:09 PM
3

I think online dating is awful, which is why I only use it to connect with queer women (a lovely and non awful segment of the OLD world). And even there, only occasionally. But there are a lot of guys who insist that online dating is better. Some of them have actually made the effort to go out and spend time with people in person, and have had trouble finding single women their own ages. Which, okay, I get, and will vary by region. But a lot of them seem to use it as a way to theoretically pursu…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 10:01 PM
2

The tend to be less rigid about gender roles, and have a better sense what it means that I'm bi and are less likely to be weird about it (whether that is being worried that I can't commit - which I know happens, but I haven't run into - or trying to get me to set up threesomes.)
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 09:57 PM
2

I mildly prefer bi guys, so it would be a non issue to positive. I wouldn't necessarily be against having an open relationship if I thought he had the interpersonal skills to handle it.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 09:29 PM
3

It was the critiquing that stood out to me. I mean, there is a line - I had to teach a friend who was staying with us that you needed to wash the outside of pans as well as the inside, for instance (I was wondering why my pans were suddenly no longer shiny and nice looking...) And any kind of washing that leaves food stuck to things is a problem. But part of not taking everything on yourself (which is a key to a happy life) is accepting that people do things different ways, and not freaking out …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 08:16 PM
1

I'm sure it changes the odds. I have had a lot of sex, and AFAIK, I haven't been slut shamed in any serious way. I don't think a bit of slut shaming in my teens would have made a lot of difference - I was pretty clearly not highly susceptible to social pressure. But if I'd grown up in an environment where sex was generally seen as shameful, maybe? Or at least it would have taken me longer to get past it. Obvs, there are women who enjoy sex, and enjoy casual sex. My impression is that there are a…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 08:13 PM
2

And this is a perfect situation for hiring a cleaner. Maybe even before you have a partner you're inviting in? I sweep the floors every day. (I live in a rural area, I have cats, and I do a lot of working out on the floor.) But having someone come once or twice a month and scrub everything and mop everything is just lovely - and this is when I live alone. (Though I'm busy, so it's mostly about time saving. I enjoy housework if I don't feel like I'm being taken advantage of.) When I was married, …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 08:08 PM
3

My ex's place was immaculate when I met him - minimalist, and very clean. And then not only was he a total dead weight around the house when we were together (and I was the primary breadwinner) but he put a lot of energy into trying to convince me to stop working and be a house spouse - I'm pretty sure entirely as a matter of control.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 08:04 PM
3

That sounds awful. My understanding is that my exhusband did something like this to the girlfriend after me, except, he did none of he work, he just critiqued hers. (I was the breadwinner when we were together, and didn't put up with that kind of shit. Though he was a dead weight around the house, always promising to do things and then not doing it at all. And TBF, my impression was that the girlfriend was a slob, though much less so than he was.)
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 08:02 PM
5

One thing that can help is to hire a housecleaner to come once or twice a month, and pay it out of your own pocket, not out of joint funds (if you keep separate accounts) so that it's clear that this is a contribution from you. It's not perfect, and you should still do some of the house work. But it can take pressure off everyone. (And it's not as expensive as all that.) (If possible, hire an individual or small team, not a service.)
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 07:33 PM
1

It's going to depend a lot on the situation. I spend about $200 a month on my martial arts tuition.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 07:12 PM
1

"when someone does something they don’t like" It wasn't clear what this was in reference to, and in theory it was about who we want to date.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 01:16 AM
1

And I'd rather work - admittedly, I really love my job - than have duty sex. But then, that's pretty much the gender divide you'd expect, isn't it?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 01:16 AM
1

I'm a lot more comfortable with how people treat me and flirt with me when I'm carrying a little extra weight, wearing glasses and am quirky in my dress and manner than when I'm at my most fit, and especially if I'm at my most fit and wearing something conventionally pretty. The latter? I get so much attention from complete randos. Lawyers and DJs on the train. (Okay, the DJ was actually pretty entertaining, and under other circumstances that might have gone somewhere.) Business men looking for …
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/26 06:26 PM
-1

So wait, women are supposed to date someone who does things they don't like?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/26 06:05 PM
–

Well, it is true that a lot of women end up very cautious around men. Mostly because of the amount of really awful behavior they've experienced from men. It's not our job to take it. It never was. Clean up your own house. (I mean this figuratively, but it does apply literally as well.)
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/26 05:19 PM
2

This. What's the difference between, oh, sex work, and rape? Consent. Though also - are men especially bad at having jobs? Or especially traumatized by them? Because most women also have jobs.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/26 05:16 PM
5

Well, that's pretty ridiculous. Men have been pressuring women - unmarried women, women married to other people, their own wives, whatever - forever. That women can have casual sex safely, and some enjoy doing so is true - but the primary impetus has always been from men.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/26 05:09 PM
1

I'd step in. I have stepped in in such occasions in the past. In the social circles I've spent the most time in, he would be taken aside, given a very bluntly but clearly stated warning at a first offense, and ejected at the second offense. (There's some flexibility if, say, the second offense was minor and there was evidence that he was trying to clean up his act.) This would also be highly unacceptable at the college I teach at, too. If something happened in the context of one of my classes, I…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/26 05:04 PM
1

In practical terms, most of the time the difference between a moral failing and some other failing is immaterial to my response. I don't want to date an asshole, but I also don't want date someone who isn't enough of a functional adult to have decent hygiene, grooming, and to dress themselves decently. But I felt like it was an important distinction to make, because showing up for a first date with a stained shirt and without combing your hair may not be a moral failing (okay, it could show a la…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/26 04:37 PM
-2

It depends on the reason, doesn't it? Being short isn't a moral failing. Being ugly is a little more involved, as dressing badly and having poor hygiene may or may not be a moral failing, but it's certainly a failing. But you have the body you have and that's certainly not a moral failing. (Okay, I have concerns about anyone who is hitting themself in the face with hammers or suchlike.) Having poor posture and poor social skills is a failing. Being an asshole or a creeper is a moral failing. Bei…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/26 05:04 AM
1

"Im not religious but this idea is in every tradition." What traditions are you familiar with? Because not Buddhism. Not Daoism. Not Sikhs. Not Shinto. Do you mean "every tradition as long as it's Abrahamic"?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/26 01:11 AM
–

This. I have male friends I've been friends with for decades (in one case, all but two weeks of my life). I have close friends who had we both been single at the same time, I would have flirted with - but I'm not pining for them.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/26 12:54 AM
3

Eh, it's pretty similar to what you hear in the evangelical world.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/26 11:07 PM
1

Actually, no. Men have fewer, but the difference isn't that great. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29555319/
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/26 11:05 PM
–

I believe the technical term is sad divorced men.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/26 10:02 PM
4

My own experience was that I was very aware of my fertility having a limited shelf life. I was in a long term relationship where we were going to own property together, and have children. I was aware that marriage would offer me some financial protection if I took time off to care for our children when young. But I also wanted to have a plan and get on with things, as I didn't want to waste a bunch of time and energy on someone who wasn't actually committed to a plan which was going to cost me s…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/26 09:58 PM
–

Lasting emotional harm is such an amorphous category. My ex husband both assaulted me, and attempted to rape me (separate incidents). Nine or ten years into the relationship, BTW. Neither ended well for him. Psychological harm, low, though figuring out how to disentangle myself from that relationship was stressful. Dealing with his increasing emotional lability and his attempts to control me were probably more harmful, but more in contributing to me being cautious about trusting men and a bit gu…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/26 09:43 PM
–

Well, that's a red flag right there.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/26 09:12 PM
1

I did. I'm still not seeing details about your situation. Your assertions about unconditional love are pretty silly. Maybe it's a thing from parents to children. (But have you kid murder someone, or sexually abuse their siblings and you'll find out that most of that love is conditional. Sure, the parents still love them, some, but that changes things.) But for someone you are trying to build a life with? I expect them to be grown up and handle themselves well. I'm not getting into a relationship…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/26 09:01 PM
2

There are certainly circumstances in which being unemployed is a pretty reasonable response, but we don't have enough info from what you've said.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/26 08:54 PM
5

Over 80% of bi women in committed relationships are with men.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/26 08:50 PM
2

In many situations, also to prevent being assaulted. (By men, not transwomen.) Assaults by men on women in bathrooms are fairly common.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/26 08:47 PM
0

And one of the features of the romantic relationships of felons is instability. Which most of us think of as a minus, though some guys here seek to emulate.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/26 08:46 PM
3

"Higher rates of gay/bi/etc identification among women." Higher rates of bi identification, lower rates of gay identification.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/26 08:20 PM
1

And my preferences might also be shaped by my own circumstances. It is difficult for me to find people with whom I could have an engaged romantic relationship - not finding and attracting (that part tends to go well) but finding at all, because I'm a bit of a statistical anomaly myself. But there's also a time of life thing. When I was younger, I was much more interested in building a family with a partner. Now, I have other priorities. It's not an absolute no, but it's a high hurdle to get over…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/26 08:10 PM
3

"Everyone agrees that being in a good relationship is better than being alone." Eh. I really like living alone. Mind you, good relationships don't necessarily imply living together. I also came to living alone relatively late - shared houses through my teens and into my twenties, then an apartment with my boyfriend, then marriage at twenty-three. I lived alone for the first time at thirty-two. I hear that it's pretty common for older women who do date to insist on not living with their male part…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/26 05:05 PM
1

It is more complicated. Men are socialized to regard women as prey, and many are socialized to seek date rape. (I like to think this is getting less common, but holy fuck, I went looking for the Yale "No means yes, yes means anal" frat story and was overwhelmed by all the other more recent fraternity rape scandal stories.) https://www.businessinsider.com/yale-delta-kappa-epsilon-2018-1 Clearly, not all men, and there's a big class and popularity gradient. (Though I've had enough introverted geek…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/26 10:34 PM
2

Oh, it's an even better place for: https://www.liberalcurrents.com/the-interracial-cuck-porn-theory-of-everything/ (I think this is hilarious, but also that it does touch on some of the weirder sexual-political sentiments of our time.)
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/26 10:23 PM
–

Nah, you just don't see that women who aren't. Which is pretty typical.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/26 08:30 PM
–

I'm curious why you think he knows it? There are a lot of people on this sub, especially men, who have very little contact with the outside world, and get most of their ideas about dating from online fora. Do you know that OP has wider experience? I mean, it is nonsense, but don't underestimate widespread ignorance.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/26 08:28 PM
–

Who said anything about the same success as Cavill? Most men aren't Cavill. Deal with it. (Note: I am not into Cavill. I mean, he's pretty, but he sounds like a louse.) And of course "confident" is only part of it - has social skills. Has compatible values. Is interesting to talk to, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/26 08:26 PM
2

There are a lot of things I just break with. I'm supposed to flirt subtly and wait to be asked? Fuck that, too much and fuss and drama, I'll just ask who I like. I can be a warm an gracious hostess and function well in formal company. But if anyone goes over the line at an event I'm running (or in my house) I'll throw them out. (IME, people knowing this has made this sort of thing a lot less likely.) There is so much about appearance. And in so many ways I lucked out - I'm tall, well proportione…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/26 07:58 PM
2

Humans
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/26 04:23 PM
5

Do you have any examples? Because this sounds like a Marxist talking about Real Communism.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/26 04:16 PM
3

Monogamy is only one of the sexual options that has been practiced.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/26 04:06 PM
–

It's like the difference between racism and "racism against whites" (in a context where whites are a majority and/or hold disproportionate power, which is most contexts). Anyone can be biased against anyone. But it's different when you have a whole social and political apparatus supporting your bias. To say it's not racism unless it's prejudice plus power is useful in the academic context in which that distinction was created. But outside of that context, it confuses a lot of people, and a lot o…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/26 03:55 AM
1

Are you looking for an egalitarian relationship? I'm not going to change my dating behavior, but not everyone has my values. (And I've never had trouble finding partners.)
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 05:02 AM
3

Men have been trying to cast feminists as unnatural monsters for as long as there has been feminism, because it gives them an excuse to oppose equality. Which isn't to say there aren't garbage feminists. Though there are more garbage women who are somewhat arbitrarily called feminists.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/26 08:19 PM
–

But you could say the same about religion - god must exist because there are so many followers, right? (I am not actually arguing for the existence of god.)
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/26 04:04 PM
–

Vulnerable, yes, but not necessarily invested in playing games.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/26 04:03 PM
1

What's winning?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/26 03:19 PM
2

Exactly. Sometimes called being a card ninja.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/26 03:41 AM
0

How do you figure?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/26 02:10 AM
1

I mostly want a man to be an adequate communicator. I'm an excellent communicator. I just want to have to tie myself in knots to get him to actually say what's going on. I'm happy to help on occasion, but I don't want a regular job of deciphering him. Hm. A great lover - well, a decent one. Want children? Not at this point. (Changing his mind about wanting children after being married for several years was annoying, though.) A great cook... again, I'm an excellent cook. I want someone who can fe…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/26 01:51 AM
4

I've tended to figure that if one wants an egalitarian relationship (and I do) then going Dutch is living by one's values. So I always have on dates. Guys who try to insist - and I don't mean offering a second time, I mean, trying to insist - creep me out. It seems like a power play, and clearly not a welcome one if I've already refused multiple times! And I role my eyes at women who want egalitarian relationships but also want men to pay. Though strictly on a numerical basis insisting on going …
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/26 01:37 AM
3

Among some of my female friends, it's not uncommon for someone to resort to trickery to pay the whole bill - but this is an established game among us.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/26 01:25 AM
2

"What If these male Replicants have a wider pelvis than fertile women to make childbirth easier with less pain..." They will likely have an increased rate of knee injuries. (I'm not joking - at the pelvis gets wider, the angle the femur hits the knee at goes further and further off the true. Women already have higher rates of knee injuries associated with this, which is called a q angle, BTW.) "...and are also genetic programmed to produce a higher quality breasts milk than cisgender mothers do?…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/26 01:20 AM
1

That's really not the case. But that baseline attraction is not distributed evenly, and while looks plays some part in this, folks here are really resistant to considering the rest of it.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/26 12:49 AM
–

I was responding to the discussion above about why men are more likely to complete suicides, not about male suicides overall. And gun ownership is a huge part of that difference.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/26 08:37 PM
0

Hey, I've found complements from gay men to feel heartfelt.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/26 02:59 PM
1

They sound like some of my pre-meds from when I was at UNC...
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/26 09:25 PM
4

Though I'm pretty sure there are plenty of blond fat chicks and single mothers. It seemed like you were using it to mean "pretty" which struck me as weird.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/26 09:20 PM
2

Huh. My experience is that women in engineering are a pretty mixed bag in terms of what they are looking for in relationships, and quite a few are *really* gunshy. (Source: I teach CS and robotics.) Though going to college does increase the likelihood will have had more sexual partners. ...why are you calling out blonde as the only identifier associated with appearance?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/26 09:10 PM
3

How do you sort them out? Especially since most men on OLD have minimal profiles.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/26 09:06 PM
13

I think there's more overlap between the "good men" and the men who come across as shallow and creepy than a lot of guys want to admit. My evidence: Look how many of the men here - not infrequently the same ones as those who decry women as shallow bitches who overlook good men - are highly focused on casual sex and not actually looking for relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/26 08:30 PM
1

My casual sex has generally been with people I knew and liked. Other than that, I was horny, I was attracted, I was bored, pick some few 😄
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/26 07:58 PM
8

Men are much more likely to own guns. That's most of it right there. I don't remember there being gender differences in how many people jump from high places (but there could be). But women are more likely to survive jumping from similar heights than men. Of course, physiologically, women tend to be more optimized for surviving horrible things. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17886498/ (This wasn't what I was looking for. Weirdly, I used to live in a housebarge under the bridge they cite, the Au…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/26 05:59 PM
0

They've been pretty popular among folks I know for at least the last ten years.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/26 08:34 PM
4

"A man will most likely avoid the hostel..." I probably know more men who have done a lot of traveling and staying in hostels - not to mention couch sharing apps, or sleeping on the beach or whatever. Not to mention the men who love going to festivals and such. There are a lot of men who love travel and love meeting people while traveling. And men are more likely to assume they'll be safe when traveling.* Y'know how we keep going on about social skills? This is about social skills. Sure, women a…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/26 05:45 PM
7

And jealous of their partner if their partner exceeds them in a male coded field.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/26 04:14 PM
–

Though according to my late younger brother (who was an alt-right hate vlogger) it is cis white *gay* men who are the most oppressed. ...which was particularly hilarious when you realized that he'd never held a job in his life, and our father paid for him to live in and have his own apartment in San Fransisco. (He was pretty bitter that all of his sisters were accomplished, and that he wasn't a rock star.)
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/26 01:36 AM
–

...plus a few.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/26 01:02 AM
–

So, what you don't really address is his intellect. Which as long as he's fairly smart isn't a dealbreaker, but it would change what kind of partnership we'd have. But I'd be open to it. When I was younger, I would have worried about being able to afford to have kids - but that stopped being such a concern once I started working and got a good look at my stock options. Now I'm in my fifties, and don't want to have kids. These days, the biggest question would be whether I could deal with living w…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/26 11:38 PM
–

You do realize that only about 10-15% of divorces involve any alimony? Most of which is pretty short term. If you are have majority custody, you can expect child support (if you are making the same amount, but especially if she outearns you).
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/26 08:57 PM
–

I mostly hear that from men. Which echoes with complaints I've heard a few times within relationships - men upset that I was too independent and didn't need them. Which was true. I found the desire for me to be dependent on them pretty unattractive. Now, looking at it as a society, there were a lot of ways in which women were forced to be dependent on men, both through laws and social organization, and lack of effective birth control. (The history of birth control and political reactions to it a…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/26 07:01 PM
2

Aiee. So, both my parents were pretty wretched people. (And terrible parents.) My father... well, there's a lot I don't know. Like, why he was in sexual deviancy counseling in in his early undergraduate years. (I have suspicions, but too be fair, it was the fifties so deviant was pretty broadly defined.) He told my mom it was because he was a major horn dog. But I suspect it might be tied into why his family cut off contact with him. (With the exception of his eldest brother.) He definitely was …
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/26 06:33 PM
3

🎶Always remember that if your testosterone levels are too high your body will convert it to estrogen.🎶
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/26 05:57 PM
1

How much do you know about human development? Do you really think an embryo (up until eight weeks) is a child? A fetus of twelve week? A fetus of twenty? (Points chosen are pretty arbitrary.) Do you know what kind of brain activity is going on at those points? Do you know at what point their senses can communicate with the brain?
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/26 04:07 PM
–

This sounds a lot like your underlying problem is that women aren't property, and there's no way that you can own them completely. A lot of men have a lot of relationships before settling down. Do you see them as equally flighty?
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/26 04:01 PM
–

That often helps them less that you might think.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/26 03:58 PM
1

Pregnancy is yet another unpaid labor women do.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/26 03:55 PM
6

See, I was trying to avoid saying "touch grass". Especially since, while I'm a big proponent of spending time outside, the big thing in this instance is face to face interactions with friends. Though also, IME, younger folks have a pretty broad set of relationships to their phones.* My students often tell me about the phone breaks they take, or the strategies they have to keep their relationships with their phones healthy. (We are talking college age, not highschool age. Though my current class …
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 05:27 PM
2

But rape is part of the objectification game.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 05:18 PM
2

Because he offsets how much rape? (And how much rape that wasn't even in the books...)
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 05:16 PM
6

Social media is a term that can mean a lot of things. When you are talking to friends online - people you actually know, and have some history with, sure. But the other side of it is the influencer and click farming world, where a lot of their interactions are driven by being over the top. The first is a decent reflection of how people feel, if with some caveats. (A lot of people are way bigger assholes online than in person.) But the second is often an attempt to steer what you feel - or at lea…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 05:13 PM
5

Apparently not!
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/26 12:32 AM
10

So what you're saying is that men treat women exactly the same as they treat other men? Other than the wanting to fuck part. Because I've seen guys here argue pretty strongly against that.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/26 12:30 AM
11

It really is. I just saw another study about how identical resumes can be sent out, with a man's name on some and a woman's name on the rest, and and women will be negatively evaluated, whereas the man will be seen as a top performer. There's a whole body of literature on this and related subjects. To the point where it's kind of ridiculous. (There was a time when I wondered why I had so many really excellent young asian women doing research with me. I do speak Chinese - though I'm white - but i…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/26 12:27 AM
5

I read this out of order, and thought for a moment that you meant electrical engineering... and frankly, probably true there, too!
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/26 12:20 AM
4

Are you in an education department? Or a part of the world where you generally call people teaching in higher ed "teachers"? (I'm used to professors, instructors, lecturers, etc.)
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/26 12:19 AM
25

Enough that it has a name - "he-peats".
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/26 12:16 AM
14

Why would they even bother being closeted about it? A lot of my straight female friends are pretty open about wishing they were attracted to women. And there just isn't the stigma about female homosexuality that there is about male.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/26 12:51 AM
3

So, this is interesting, but it would get through peer review, especially since it appears to be a convenience sample. When you see something that is totally out of line with all other data being collected, you need to ask yourself why.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 08:54 PM
5

Well, they have 430 days to split between them, and most educated couples split them evenly - they're both out for the first month, then she takes six months, and they he takes six months - and almost always in that order, even though caring for infants is much harder than caring for older babies. (Also, in Sweden it is frequently observed that father's almost always take their parental leave over the summer.) Now, the couple I know the best, she's a Swedish speaking Finn who grew up in Germany,…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 08:18 PM
2

LMAO
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 08:14 PM
7

Women receive more welfare because they are far more likely to be caring for young children on their own.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 07:30 PM
7

A lot of men - usually men who lack power and accomplishments in their lives - are really attached to the idea that they have natural power over women. I see it as a giant red flag.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 07:29 PM
4

Are you talking about the bespoke surgical numbers? I mean, I'm charmed (and knew I lived in WA for a reason) but they don't address their sampling at all, and are likely to draw a more queer and sex positive crowd.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 06:44 PM
1

Fertility.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 06:39 PM
16

I'm largely with you on this. And when I was in Sweden last year, there was a sense of being in a country that was designed by Mr. Rogers - it wasn't only well designed, but also deeply humane and focused on supporting people and families. But. Some of my close friends live in Sweden. Two of them of are mothers who recently had their second children. And raising kids is hard, and in neither case are their husbands really carrying their share of the load. And with the one I know the best, there i…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 06:33 PM
3

I knew there would be a good place to post this link, and here it is. https://www.liberalcurrents.com/the-interracial-cuck-porn-theory-of-everything/
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 05:51 PM
7

In the US, there are 340-some million people. About 20 million of whom are women living below the poverty line.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 05:15 PM
9

Not as long as we have birth control, no. Y'all would love it were we weak and helpless, but this isn't true now, nor has it ever been.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 04:32 PM
9

You mean the median being 4.3?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 04:31 PM
2

"Nobody is expecting women to be breadwinners, nor men home makers." And yet, a lot of women are being the breadwinners. (This also isn't a new thing, just, until recently it was usually for families without a present father.) And a smaller but increasing number of men are stepping up to be the homemakers, too. Trying to cling to a social model that is increasingly past isn't helping anyone.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 05:07 AM
0

The nice thing about personal anecdotes is that you know where they're from. While it's a gloss to say that the plural of anecdote is data, what you have offered is a bunch of assertions with no backup. You don't talk about your own experiences, which are at least something you are stating about your own life, so we know the source, nor are you providing statistical citations to studies in the primary literature. (Or, I guess popular articles glossing the studies from the primary literature, tho…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 01:50 AM
3

I believe "suffer and die" here is code for "not get laid and have a girlfriend". Rather, um, dramatic, yes?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 07:12 PM
2

Sure. And I'd like them to label themselves accordingly, so I can work that into my filter.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 06:14 AM
5

It would depend on why she doesn't want it with you. But likely.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 03:31 AM
3

"Actually it is a good look to those whose opinions I value." Well, I hope they are as vocal as you in that case! And a lot of people try things that they end up not liking. It's hard to know what you like if you haven't.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 03:18 AM
7

So, first off, calling women sluts isn't a good look. But second, if she doesn't like them, she doesn't like them. Asking people to do sex acts they don't like is gross. At the very least, make it clear what things are important to you up front so we can avoid folks who are incompatible. And if your list is "at least everything you've tried with anyone else"... well, put that on your profile too.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 03:01 AM
13

So "enthusiasm" is something you're determining subjectively. Do you think she liked him more. And this is the kind of thing that is influenced by insecurity. The objective part of this is specific sex acts. And if she tried something, and didn't like it, and doesn't want to do that again, but a man is convinced that it's because she doesn't think they're hot enough? That's a personal problem. But I think the best thing to do is break up with her. No woman needs to deal with that nonsense.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 02:02 AM
5

Isn't it just as common a trope that most men are looking for a relatively inexperienced woman who isn't attracted to most men but is attracted to them?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 12:15 AM
10

Most women aren't especially interested in pictures of the majority of men. Women are also a lot less visual than men are. It takes one heck of a picture to spark interest. Yes, men are that into just how women look. And most women think that's weird, but accept it about men. Why are so many of you freaking out that women generally work differently differently? Women also generally don't watch much porn, but often read books that include erotic content. Because it's not just about how men look.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 12:13 AM
2

Or hell, because she was curious. I tried anal, once. It wasn't even that horrible? But I didn't like it, and any guy who starts in with how if I was willing to try it with some other guy, I must not really be attracted to him a) is making himself deeply, inexorably unattractive and b) is getting dumped because that's bullshit (and totally aside from the fact that I'll no longer be attracted to him). I didn't try it as some kind of present to the guy, because he wanted it. Neither of us had trie…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 12:06 AM
2

Oh, the easier solution is to never date guys who take this approach to sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 12:02 AM
1

Your use flair certainly resonates!
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 06:10 PM
2

I'm also GenX. I think it's less that it's a newer issue than it's unevenly distributed. I too grew up with a lot of guy friends. (I also had female friends. But as a STEM type nerd girl, I spent a lot of time in majority male spaces.) And most of my male friends now have male friends. But I've also met and seen a lot of people who don't. And often, their father's didn't either. (TBF, my father didn't either, but he was very charismatic, and possibly sociopathic - he drew people in, but tended t…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 05:01 PM
1

It's partly a skill issue. It's also an issue of men being deceptive. There aren't a lot of women who are choosing to date men they know are abusive. We're arguing about whether they should have known they would be abusive.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 09:41 PM
5

Mm, yes and no. If you grew up in a toxic or abusive environment, there might be a sense where that feels normal, sure. But I feel like the "seeking it out" is often overplayed, and frankly falls into some societal tropes where women are blamed for men doing bad shit to them. Mostly, I think it's not having the skills to avoid them.* In my experience, it was more an issue of not having had good role models, and not learning a lot of the warning signs. And when I say warning signs, some of what I…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 09:09 PM
3

TBH, to me it sounds like you're demonstrating the very point that you are trying to argue against. You haven't made much attempt to understand or empathize with women. (Merely trying to strategize how to get into her pants isn't not the same thing.) And you out and out don't want to treat women like member of the same species as you. Now, I think part of the problem is that there is a culture gap. From what many of y'all have been saying, a lot of men aren't good at treating men like human bein…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 08:00 PM
1

I think the issue is less that he provided for her than that she didn't have access of money of her own, which makes it a lot harder to leave. I think this is something most women are aware of. The exceptions would be folks who grew up in very conservative communities, and folks who are into the whole "trad wife" fad. Growing up, almost all the older women in my life - liberal, conservative, something else of their own devising, it didn't matter - pulled me aside and told me to never be financia…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 07:22 PM
12

Co-signed. Guys who don't have friends usually aren't any good at being friends, which tends to presage them being poor partners. And a lot of guys do have friends - they aren't hard to find. In my circles they're probably a majority? (Which isn't to say they're all outgoing. I hang in some pretty nerdy circles. But you don't have to be outgoing to have a few close friends.)
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 07:17 PM
3

This would be a great to for a "The Gate to Women's Country" reading group. Historically women have been held back far less by being smaller than by our fertility. Which is exactly why a lot of assholes are going after abortion and birth control access. But also, guys - value yourselves more, FFS. You can be more than a thug and a sperm donor. Do something with your life. Become and interesting person.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 07:10 PM
7

Plenty, sure but overall men tend expect and get oral sex, and women rarely do. This doesn't mean that all men are going to get oral sex. And if women consistently don't want to give you a blowjob... there's something going on there.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 07:00 PM
20

So, this is clearly a cultural thing. In the US, we used to have a lot more close friendships between men. In many other cultures, it's still pretty common. (When I lived in Turkey, for instance, it was pretty expected that there would be very close friendships between men and between women. But one of the things that comes out of this is that while men might get all of their emotional support from their female partners, women often get more and better support from their female friends. Because …
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 04:40 PM
3

I blame McCarthy.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 04:23 PM
6

He said through emotionally intimate friendships, not relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 04:23 PM
1

I think most of us would be happier if y'all would stop it with the fighting, really.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 10:48 PM
–

I explained to him that it wasn't fear, but just the knowledge that if he did turn out to be a serial killer, dealing with him, and then driving myself back in his truck would be a giant pita, not even to mention the legal repercussions. He, uh, didn't take it well.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/26 01:59 AM
–

Have you had a random guy from the Internet start stalking you? I have. It's not even that uncommon.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/26 12:39 AM
–

I know I've mentioned before the guy who thought a perfect first date would be picking me up in his truck and going out to the woods. When I counter proposed coffee, he tried to lecture me on being fearful.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/26 12:38 AM
–

...just like Midas.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/26 12:34 AM
6

Women are also saying decent men. You would need to demonstrate that the first is unusually high or the second unusually low in comparison to their appearance in the general population before you were really saying much.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/26 12:15 AM
–

The claim was not about statistics in general.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 10:59 PM
–

Age range also hits this. Most of the men I know in person are lovely. But they are either a) partnered or b) way too young, and frequently also often my students. TBF, I'm not really looking?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 10:57 PM
5

shrug Seriously, why would I care?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 02:49 PM
2

I like cock. But why have sex with a man if he's bad at it? Cock is potentially more fun than a dildo (at least, one I am operating myself, a hot girl with a harness is something else altogether) but they come with people attached. Sometimes he's reasonable in bed but makes every other aspect of my life worse. (Yes, in theory you can love 'em and leave 'em, but a lot of them really resist the leaving part. And they follow you around, and send you mopey poetry. And that's one of the better cases.…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 02:52 AM
2

ISTR an article on Korean male sex workers. A lot of the women said they enjoyed being in charge and the guys knew they didn't own them. (By which it sounded to me like they mostly liked being in charge of themselves.) But this was some years back. Don't know how it's developed.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 02:44 AM
1

So we're back to it really being a male epidemic of not getting laid or not getting laid enough.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 07:59 PM
1

My generation is a mixed bag, I'll grant you. (Just look at our election numbers...!) I'm probably in a more health conscious crowd than most, though we tend to be more health conscious than looks conscious, which aren't the same thing. (We're... kind of hippy engineers, I guess? So very data conscious, while socially fairly free-spirited.)
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 06:35 PM
13

I think a lot of the men - who are often young - saying they want marriage and children don't have much of a realistic idea of what those entail. Because kids are expensive and a lot of work. I think women tend to learn about these things sooner. (Not in the least because older women make sure they know. Maybe men don't do this?) But, of course, the physical costs of child bearing are exclusively on the women. So it's pretty much saying "I would love to profit from someone else's labor..." Excep…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 04:09 AM
2

Well, it sounds like you haven't had much experience with women who show signs of pleasure when you're with them.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 03:56 AM
3

"Well known" means in this context that you believe this without evidence?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 03:29 AM
0

I think this is rather like the "male loneliness epidemic". If you look at the actual research, there's not much difference between rates of male and female loneliness. But men on the internet (and to be fair, a fair number of journalists) love to trumpet the male loneliness epidemic because... apparently they care more about men than women? Don't get me wrong, loneliness sucks. But it sucks for everyone.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 03:27 AM
2

It's really not, not if you're there with a group of good friends. I mean, taken that way, why is sex with one person not performative, and sex with two is? Of course, these are also actual experiences I've had rather a lot of. I doubt you can say the same.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 03:23 AM
2

The reason the body positivity movement existed is that 90% of people who lost weight through exercise and diet changes couldn't maintain it over the long term. (I'm defining long term as at least five years - a lot of studies look at only the first year.) Now, I'm sure you want to figure that all of these people were women, and that it was something wrong with them, but the numbers are pretty ridiculous. And these were people who were very motivated. There are metabolic reasons for this - but w…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 03:22 AM
2

There were no cameras, and it was extremely au naturale - hard to have much of an orgy otherwise!
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 03:12 AM
3

How many women do you know, as friends? Because women have been working at losing weight a lot longer and more rigorously than men have. (It is also harder in general for women to lose weight - which a lot of couples discover when they start hitting the gym together. This is a hormonal thing - men are optimized for performance, women are optimized for endurance. Though I think both are being hit substantially by environmental hormone mimics.)
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 03:10 AM
0

53
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 03:07 AM
2

Oh, the question to ask is how many times have I been present when men were having sex with women. Or in threesomes. Or out and out orgies. I'd be surprised if you had nearly as much experience as I do.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 03:07 AM
-1

The issue isn't that they're ugly or fat (of the four I was thinking of among my close friends, one is overweight, though not extremely so, the others are not - of course, I hang with martial artists and outdoorsy types). It's that they're quiet and nerdy. Now, a lot of my quiet and nerdy friends did find partners. (Hell, in a couple of situations I set them up with exes of mine, which worked out well for everyone.) But not all of them, and some of them have almost never gotten any male attentio…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 03:05 AM
0

Hey, I'm there for it. But I'm watching men my age not fare so well!
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 02:52 AM
0

I'm 53. Hasn't stopped yet. (Of course my skin is excellent. But while my hair is a very pretty silver, I let it go grey on purpose, in part as a deterrent.)
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 10:20 PM
2

It's really not. It's your particular tastes, and says more about you than about women generally.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 10:13 PM
6

Most of what is asked of men is that they be grownups. And at least moderately well socialized. That isn't a high bar, and women meet it every day.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 09:16 PM
3

If a woman isn't giving any reactions, she's bored out of her skull and trying to figure out how to get out of there without getting hurt. This isn't the experience of the average man, this is the experience of a man who isn't any fun to have sex with.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 09:15 PM
8

The amount of manosphere content that comes down to revenge fantasies is pretty overwhelming.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 08:35 PM
10

Also, some men really need to learn that what's charming at 22 is not at 45, even if they've aged fairly well.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 08:35 PM
17

The whole wine / milk thing is pretty ridic. Some men age like vinegar. Some women age into a lovely reggiano or manchego. ...and women are so much more likely than men to have a decent skin care routine and remember to wear sunscreen, both of which help a lot.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 08:32 PM
3

But... why accept the distance? It's stupid, and it hurts y'all. You don't need to not be close friends to prove you're not gay. And people who care that much if you're gay have issues, anyway.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 08:19 PM
0

In my experience, a lot of women do not attract suitors. Now, if they went to a skanky bar, or got on OLD, could they? Sure. But they find those experiences horrible, and have some vestige of self respect. (Look, I can get into the dive bar experience - and I'm not much of a drinker - but it's not for everyone.)
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 08:07 PM
3

Not to mention the domestic labor gap, which can push women to recoil at the mere thought of sex. A lot of guys are their own worst enemies.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 08:05 PM
2

There's not washing recently, and bacterial vaginosis. Which I've only had once, but I wouldn't have wanted someone's dick near me then - I already hurt inside, I didn't need a pounding to make it worse! I suspect you've just run into folks who got sweaty and having cleaned recently. Any place moisture can collect is likely to get stinky - armpits, ballsacks, and under a scrotum, too.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 08:03 PM
1

Yuck. Being bad at sex is being bad at sex, and how men get a reputation.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 07:59 PM
1

This sounds like a fantasy from someone who wishes they were a "Chad".
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 07:58 PM
3

Ah, yes, we have reached the point where one assumes that women can't provide information about their own sexual experiences. Stop it.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 07:57 PM
4

Oh FFS, it's not tiny or unfindable, that's what you hear from men who are too lazy to bother. The head of the clit, under the hood, is about the size of a pea. Not tiny, not hard to find, especially with the hood over it to make it seem bigger. Now, different people like it stimulated in different ways - but that's not hard to figure out either. You ask them. You try things. You listen to their reactions.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 07:57 PM
3

"Asks for a blowjob early on in things" is likely a reason to just throw him out for me. Partly because if he's any good, I probably will have at least teased him with my mouth. (I want him interested, not used up.) But seriously, I keep hearing about these incredibly self-absorbed porn brained young men. And I can only suggest dealing with them firmly. My early lovers were curious, willing to learn, and generally really cared about getting me off. (I'm not particularly into having new lovers go…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 07:53 PM
7

It sounds like you are putting a lot of responsibility on her to manage his emotions.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 07:45 PM
4

The majority of my experiences, the men were committed to making it good for me. This is something I select for (...and not, mostly, from what they say), but also, I'm assertive bed (and out) and happy both to go after what I want, and to put a stop to things if they're not working for me. This was mostly true in my youth as well, though I got more confident over time. It helped that I knew my own body very well. Then again, I made my first vibrator when I was ten. (I had better access to electr…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 06:35 PM
3

Remember that correlation is not causation. For instance, I doubt the anti homosexual push that went with the red scare made people more liberal. But it's likely the former has more to do with the decline of male friendships. (Most of my liberal make friends have close male friends, for that matter.)
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 05:16 PM
-2

They're also more looking for an actual relationship and not just casual sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 05:13 PM
-3

"Your struggle with not being able to find the perfect man from a sea of suitors..." So, I do attract suitors on the regular. But not all women do, and indeed most of the struggling men seem pretty oblivious to the existence of a lot of the invisible women. (The ones I know aren't in fact single mothers, and generally aren't obese, either.) But the "perfect" thing also is pretty problematic. Now, I'm in my fifties, and pretty picky - but the question most folks fail on is "would this person make…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 04:50 AM
8

Men, gay or straight, are way more in to casual sex as a group.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 04:32 AM
9

"platonic friendships entirely, for whatever reason, don't seem to root as deep with men, generally speaking" Sure, but that's a thing of our current culture. If you look back at most western cultures (including the US in the early twentieth century and before), close male friendships are well documented. Men don't tend to form them, and try to put all their need for connection on women. But that doesn't mean they can't form them, and wouldn't be much better off for making them.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 03:27 AM
1

Maybe it is for you.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 03:24 AM
1

I think any guy who starts obsessing over what you've done with other people and whether you liked sex with them better, liked their dicks better, etc, is dump-worthy. This is someone who is terribly insecure, and is trying to make you responsible for their insecurities. I recommend only dating grown-ups. And if you are that guy, this is one of the areas where therapy can help - because this is how you sabotage a relationship. (That a bunch of guys who largely have trouble dating at all are so b…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 03:23 AM
1

It also depends when and where. What's considered kinky in small town Idaho isn't the same as what's considered kinky in Oakland, say.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 03:16 AM
1

Everyone gets to have their desires. But being pressured to do something you don't want to do is foul. This is straight forward, no matter how you try to muddle it.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 03:14 AM
1

You should be upfront about what you want, which lets your partner make a considered choice. Both men and women sometimes like casual sex. If everyone is on the up and up about it, it's no one else's business. Lying is something else again.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 03:12 AM
1

And they tend to handle it badly when it comes up.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/26 04:12 PM
1

Well, do remember that I'm fifty-three, and waiting by the phone was still a thing (if already less of a thing) in my youth. My experience is that folks respond to my size and how I move much more readily on the west coast. Whereas in Ohio, they couldn't get past me being a woman. (Until I buzzed my hair off.) There was also a level of street harassment I hadn't dealt with before. It's annoying, because while I generally was fairly secure in my ability to deal with these folks on an individual l…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/26 03:28 AM
1

"There has almost certainly never been a time in which someone saw you approaching them and felt worried that you would do something violent." I'm also 5'11" and have studied martial arts for most of my life (and taught for much of it, though not as a career sort of thing. So I do see the point you're making, and there is definitely a bias towards seeing women as harmless... but in fact you are incorrect on this statement. (Though that bias is annoying as fuck. I've been in situations where folk…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 04:32 PM
1

What measures have you taken to ensure that?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 12:06 AM
2

Well, I was in Cleveland, so it was and non-rural as Ohio gets. But it definitely wasn't Chicago. To be fair, I think everyone is stumbling around blindly, all the time, but especially when we're young. But somewhat we seemed to be especially good at stumbling into each other and then into bed. (We were also generally poorly supervised and fairly street smart. And very cynical.)
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/26 09:31 PM
2

Women initiating really isn't that uncommon in my social circles. I'm more assertive than most (and I have a reputation, mostly, I think, from teaching martial arts?) but not by so much. But also - I did apply for PhD programs. I had to, to get my PhD, to do my postdoc, to become a professor, which I am. (Mind, I didn't go in being sure I wanted to be professor as such. I knew I loved research. But as I write this, I'm keeping an eye on my robotics lab as they build out versions of the first and…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/26 09:22 PM
1

Do you want to be the person you were at 14? I generally saw growing and changing as to my advantage. Becoming someone you don't want to be is messed up, total agreement. I was never going to become high femme - or even especially femme. I've never worn makeup more than a couple of times a year (excluding costume makeup, which isn't much part of my life now, but occasionally has been a thing.) The thought of being a housewife horrified me. (This was a point of contention between me and my ex. Th…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/26 09:11 PM
4

And I'm 53. (Which means I'm GenX, which is the generation who has had the most sex - it's been declining since then.) But I mention region not just because ours is notably progressive, but because the cultures are just different. I was pretty horrified when I moved to Ohio and people were constantly letting me know that they thought I was being a woman wrong. (I'd always figured that whatever a woman was, it would have to stretch to cover me.) And sure, Ohio was more conservative, but it's not …
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/26 08:49 PM
3

As someone who has asked out and/or propositioned men kind of a lot, that just hasn't been my experience. Sure, it helps that I was accepted more than rejected. But also, showing interest doesn't strike me as especially vulnerable, and I'm fairly thick skinned. (Also, I'm fairly well socialized and good at reading body language, so I usually knew perfectly well that they were interested.)
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/26 08:11 PM
4

I see two effects. One is that a lot of women get enough negative attention from men that they end up with a lot of general wariness and distaste. Countering this is likely to increase their interest in spending time with men. (Especially with straight women.) And most women are straight, and (especially when younger) do want romantic contact with men. With less harassment, and also fewer men demonstrating interest (and the two often blend into each other, which really, can put you off men) I th…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/26 08:04 PM
1

And they published the changes to their methodologies and why the changes were made. I'm generally slightly peeved that the 2011 one is almost exclusively the one referred to in the manosphere despite the existence of more recent data gathered with improved methodologies.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/26 05:23 PM
11

"Second, and this is something I rarely, if ever see discussed: I believe approaching someone is an inherently submissive thing to do, and women generally don’t like submissive men." Weird, because when I approach men or women, I'm doing it as an assertive act. Which is often read as dominant. But I also don't think you're going to get a lot of pushback from women about men not approaching women. OTOH, that doesn't mean that women will approach more (though I suspect more will with less harassme…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/26 04:24 PM
1

I said "a lot" not "a majority".
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/26 03:13 PM
3

This almost makes sense of what strikes me as a pretty weird question. Most of the ways people describe as appropriate to treat a "top 1% Stacy" are pretty actively not how I want to be treated. I'm an accomplished professional, not a trophy. Taking me out for expensive dinners... mostly meh. I used to be a food writer, and I reviewed restaurants. So excellent food does interest me, but expense and display do not. I'd rather go to the hole in the wall with excellent food. Buying me expensive thi…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/26 02:50 AM
0

What does men not "keep putting up" with that look like? Last I checked, no one was owed being liked. Not harassing women isn't going to earn anyone a cookie. Is your answer to continue to harass women because they deserve it for rejecting you?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/26 02:29 AM
2

I also see "traditional" hetnorm relationships as a variety of kink. And that's fine if everyone is on the same page, but it is not my kink.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 09:17 PM
1

As an aside, an awful lot of these posts come across as men being upset that they can't control women. If you can't trust someone, don't marry them.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 09:14 PM
2

Young men are more likely than young women to want to get married. https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2025/11/14/12th-grade-girls-are-less-likely-than-boys-to-say-they-want-to-get-married-someday/
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 09:13 PM
1

Fit men are more likely to be made to penetrate? How is this supposed to work? (I'm not disputing that there are likely reporting issues. But your comment confuses me.)
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 09:06 PM
1

Hey, I've met some pretty delusional Europeans. And ignorant europeans.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 08:43 PM
2

Are you aware that there are at least two more recent versions of the NISVS survey available?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 08:33 PM
3

The biggest indicator to me is how they treat other people whom they aren't trying to date or fuck. So someone who holds doors open for anyone, or anyone who is carrying stuff or whatever - is honestly being nice. Someone who only behaves thusly to people they are interested in is looking to exchange "nice" tokens for sex. Being nice is a plus in my book. Only being nice to people you want to fuck isn't. Then there's the "hold open a door but make it creeptastic" approach. A somewhat over the to…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 08:23 PM
-1

To the extent that we don't like men, it's largely because of the constant harassment.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 07:51 PM
3

It sounds like you chase women who are unlikely to be interested in you. Whereas the women your ignore are you as a decent possibility.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 03:23 PM
6

Let's remember that benevolent sexism isn't especially attractive to a lot of women. Performative "chivalry" is a turn off to me, especially with guys who are insistent about it.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 03:20 PM
2

But if the question is how many men will take advantage of they think they can get away with it - which is the one that is more relevant to a lot of us when deciding to trust men - it's probably still a minority, but not a tiny one.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 03:06 PM
1

I do almost every time of it's a primary source, and a fair bit of the time if it's a popular article. Pretty much never if it's YouTube or tiktok.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/26 03:08 PM
0

It has a lot to do with how women receive any attention, and how open they are to dating.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 07:16 PM
1

First is a screen for immediate chemistry. (Or possibly drunkeness.) This isn't totally incompatible with longer term relationships, but it's not a good way of selecting for them. Lust at first sight doesn't mean you get to know each other or are particularly compatible. But hey, if all you want are fleeting hookups, I guess? The second, you are paying for young pretty women, usually without much else going for them (at least yet - many use this to pay for school) for sexual access and companion…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 05:42 PM
8

This. Inquire, don't pursue. And frankly, there are a lot of women who have been turned off of dating altogether because they feel hunted who might be up for entering the field again if there's room for them to exist and evaluate without all the harassment.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 05:21 PM
3

"We unfortunately live in a world where women have been drowned in attention from men to the point where now they don't even really appreciate it." This elides the fact the much of the attention that women receive is unwelcome, and frankly, often quite negative.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 05:18 PM
8

Meant to be implies, what - a creator? There is a biological reality. There is also culture on top of it. Our culture tends to make this huge deal out of men's strength and women's vulnerability, even though that is not the way to look at things, and both tend to be wildly overstated. Of course, I've also been the one to do the initiating more than half the time, and not only don't like being pursued, but generally do not tolerate it.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 04:56 PM
6

"Sperm is cheap, eggs are not." I've heard this phrasing from other people in a biological context*, and while there's some truth in it - sperm are generated and wasted by the millions - I think it also misses some of the most important parts. After all, most of us waste one egg a month for most of our lives, and it suggests some biological equivalence between our contribution of sperm and eggs, even if the one is made in far greater numbers. And, of course, that's the part where our contributio…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 04:51 PM
1

Which women are these, though? In my experience, after a breakup, the guy is looking within a really short period of time, whereas the woman generally needs some time away from dating before she even wants to consider it. This has become something of a running joke in my family - when my brother has a break up, he usually swears that he's going to take a break from dating. And my sister and I are really sympathetic, because dating sounds like absolutely no fun to either of us. ...and then the ne…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 10:50 PM
–

Right?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 10:40 PM
–

This does not sound like a great deal for her.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 10:40 PM
-2

He also used a free website to try to get legal advice (though with a somewhat different set of claims, against someone referred to by male pronouns) which information was retained and is now being used against him. The legal advice, as it happens, was via a LLM and is, well, bad. Do not go to AI for legal advice.* And FFS, don't do it at a free site, which doesn't have a reason to keep your claims private. *This is advice for the ages. And yet clerks at big firms keep filing briefs full of AI h…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 10:36 PM
9

And "parental alienation" even though it has been supported by some conservative courts is not actually supported by the psychological literature. It's basically a made up term used pretty much exclusively against mothers. ETA: https://www.propublica.org/article/parental-alienation-and-its-use-in-family-court
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 10:12 PM
4

I asked a question about his response because I was interested in his answer, and we had a lovely conversation. I'm not sure what your problem is.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 10:00 PM
2

It's one I've found harder, because it doesn't always show up early. (I mean, these days, I think it would be less of an issue because I have a cool job that I love very much, and I don't think anyone would mistake me for Suzy Housewife. But then, I was surprised in the past.)
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 06:17 PM
7

I'd hope so too. But I wouldn't assume, as a lot of men look at female partners as support staff - helping the man succeed, but not vice versa.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 06:01 PM
0

I can't imagine wanting to date more than one person these days. (I have in the past, and it was lovely. I just have a lot going on, and am cautious around relationships.) But I'd still lean towards people with poly experience, because of the communications skills, and because they tend to be self reflective enough to realize that different people have different ideas about relationships, and that what they have in their head isn't necessarily something the other person thought they were agreein…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 05:52 PM
8

Is he equally invested in her success?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 05:26 PM
–

Because these arguments have been used by men to enforce "modesty" and limit women's participation in society. Men habitually blame their lust on women rather than taking responsibility for themselves.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 03:26 PM
–

I only started dating women a little after dating men - and the only reason for the lag was it took me a bit to find queer women I was interested in. I generally find dating women easier than dating men. I've heard people complain about women being slower to initiate - but I've never been afraid of initiating, with men or women, and it seems like there are plenty of other women who aren't either.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 04:41 AM
–

"But a tie serves no functional purpose at all, other than to be a symbol." Well, it can make a pretty decent noose! Or leash!
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 04:38 AM
–

"But opening a car door for a woman specifically isn’t functionally necessary in modern society, it’s symbolic." And wearing a suit isn't? I tend to look at these behaviors - at least when directed only to women, and only to women one is trying to fuck - negatively. I mostly see them from men who are trying to assert a traditional, and dominant role in relationships. Which won't work, but I'd rather not have it go as far as me having to, say, dislocate their elbow before they accept it won't wor…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 04:36 AM
–

Once again, this sounds like an argument for men to be insecure and unhappy. But to what end?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 04:13 AM
1

Y'know, I know some radical feminists, and I haven't heard that from them. I have heard men from conservative religions say it. Well, and guys here explaining why they want women to have "low body counts".
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 03:41 AM
1

It depends on the pics, doesn't it? It's not OF. My sister is a aerial instructor. Also, she's very fit and hot as fuck. Most of the people who interact with her are in the circus community. Many are her students. It wouldn't shock either of us if there were some population of men jerking off, but that's really not the point of what she's doing. I think there are pics of kids on insta? Like, just normal folks of kids being kids. I mean, it's also likely that men are jerking off to that. I think …
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 03:40 AM
1

Getting turned on isn't a fault. But it's your responsibility, not hers.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 03:32 AM
2

There is this vast anger from these men that we can be sexual without being whores, and that even the women who are sex workers get to pick and choose who to go with. The through line is women who have agency, and demand consent.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 03:30 AM
1

TBH, I hear it more from guys coming out of conservative religions.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 03:28 AM
–

No one has mastered the game. But the guys in relationships are well sexed and happy.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 03:26 AM
3

It's not the being picky, it's the whining. Well, and the making generally misogynistic comments. But that's about my standards!
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 03:24 AM
0

The best bit is when they go on to say that women can't be rational...
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 03:21 AM
0

"The point is that it's wrong for women to lie about it" We aren't. But even if we were, I see redpill men claiming that it's fine to lie to women to get sex all the time in this forum, so it's hard to figure how you could have a problem with it.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 03:14 AM
0

And yet normie publications talk about things all the time that aren't really numerically justified.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 03:12 AM
1

There's so much room there. "Nine. Oh, wait! That's just anal. Three."
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 03:11 AM
1

I am noticing a lot of men - most of whom clearly have very limited experience with women, and in some cases probably very limited experiences with people - who feel free to make kind of amazing statements about what women do and don't like. And even to tell women that they must be lying. My dudes. This is deeply problematic. And even more deeply unattractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 03:10 AM
–

It's really not. I probably had had well over thirty by that age. But then, the whole body count discourse is pretty toxic - but also a pretty good filter for whether you're best off just dumping him.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 03:06 AM
0

I think it varies a lot by subculture, too. (Also by level of education, with education correlating with more partners.) In my immediate circle of friends, I know several women who have had more partners than I have (I'm somewhere in the fifties) and at least two virgins and several who have had only one. And most of the latter are not in relationships currently. And at that, while there are a few very liberal mormons*, and a few folks who were brought up evangelical but then ran far away as soo…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 03:03 AM
2

Are you wanting a phone number? I have several amount my students. But they're not public people.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 01:25 AM
1

I'd take that over boring any day.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 01:08 AM
4

If he wants a young pretty slim woman between 18-25 who has had few or no sexual partners before him, yes.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 12:18 AM
–

I hate "choose better" because it usually is used without thought to excuse really terrible male behavior. That it's used that way primarily by immature men with little relationships experience who are largely looking to make women feel bad because they feel bad turns it from annoyance into an eyeroll, though. If a woman has a pattern of getting involved with a particular type of guy and having the same kind of problems as a result, sure. But most of the time it's used, it's not in the context o…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/26 08:06 PM
1

Mm, but they're also searching for proof that women are just a bunch of shallow bitches. I mean, clearly, we only date tall handsome guys with a lot of money, right? 🙄 (My guys do run tall, but a lot of that is that a lot of guys don't want to date women taller than them - I'm 5'11". About 20% have been shorter than me.) I don't think any woman is going to look at her partner and think "you're mid or below in all things". Because most women aren't going to fall for people they don't like. But th…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/26 08:00 PM
1

Where did you get the idea I never bothered to know the guys who were mid or below? I didn't sleep with them. That's not the same as not getting to know them. Getting to know them is often exactly why I didn't sleep with them. Before I knew them, they might have been potential options.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/26 07:48 PM
1

There are few guys who are average in all ways. Everyone has their strong points and dump stats. Someone who is mid on their high points but is substantially lower on others? Is below average. (This falls out of the math. Which isn't how I'd normally go about describing people, but it's your metaphor.) I always had my choice. And not all women do. That men largely do not see the quieter, plainer women doesn't mean that there aren't women struggling, too. And sure, they always stood out. Though n…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/26 04:29 PM
1

That's not liking women. That's just wanting to fuck them.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/26 04:14 PM
1

Except a lot of women really don't.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/26 03:18 PM
3

So everyone who gives an answer different from the one you are looking for is lying? This is terrible data collection.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/26 03:17 PM
14

Considering that there is a lot of documentation out of the trans communities about the things they've found harder and the things they've found easier, and it sounds like the transmaxxers are focusing on only a subset of those things (and with the likelihood of a predetermined agenda)? I don't think so.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 11:56 PM
1

He might be DL, but he describes himself as both virgin and incel, and his tirades against women would probably be less vitriolic were he not straight.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 11:20 PM
–

Which is a lot of why he's an incel
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 07:22 PM
1

Active is attractive, sure. Hyperactive though? It tends to track with being disorganized and distractable. Which isn't the worst I suppose*, but is not attractive to me. I did date a hyperkinetic gymnast once - really bright guy. Fun on the town, fun in bed... and he drove me absolutely crazy around the house. Not in a good way. *I've had to come to terms with the extent that being absent minded is a professional hazard for a professor.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 04:22 PM
–

This sounds more like someone who aspires to be an asshole and player. And probably can't figure out how it's done.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 03:57 PM
–

This sounds like the kind of things fourteen year olds tell each other, not something that reflects real experience with women.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 03:55 PM
–

If the man lies, that's on him. If the woman is attracted to someone who is overtly being an asshole, that's partially on her. (He's still the one being an asshole.)
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 03:54 PM
–

Men are people first, not dogs chasing the dog that is in heat. If a man is an asshole, it's on him. And men who deceive to get laid are assholes. It's also pretty telling that they can't get laid being honest.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 03:51 PM
1

I'm almost disappointed - there are so many manufactured quotes from the Buddha floating around...
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 02:20 AM
1

I just took two tests, and got an 8 one time and a 7 the next. But neither especially resonated with me.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 02:19 AM
1

I saw references to the Buddha, did I miss quotes?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 01:33 AM
-1

"If having a great personality and putting yourself out there..." Considering the resistance I've seen on this forum to developing social skills or spending more time around other people (generally, not just people you're hoping to rail), I'm more inclined to believe that these things aren't incompatible. (This isn't really a critique of RP, or BP, or whether BP is really a thing... but just an observation about what people are willing to complain about vs. what they're willing to do.)
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 11:55 PM
1

1) How old were you when you had your first kiss? Eleven, I think? A slightly older guy at summer camp. He flirted with me in the pool, and we went into the woods and and out. I was an early bloomer, and curious. (I'd already made my first vibrator.) 2) First relationships? Casual sex? I rid myself of my virginity when I was fifteen. (For context, I started uni at 13, and moved out on my own when I was 15, though later in the year than when I first had sex. If this sounds like a tumultuous and u…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 11:50 PM
1

Dating implies some ongoing relationship. One date ain't that.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 08:25 PM
10

This. Of course I don't want a partner to be indifferent. Or controlling. Why would I want to be with either of these hypothetical people? In my own experience, I don't expect folks to comment on my appearance on the regular (I might occasionally ask about specific things "I don't know about this shirt with these pants - are the colors wrong?" or "Is the back of this covered with cat hair?") but it's been nice when they've noticed when I dress up. And while no one has tried to tell me what to we…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 08:17 PM
2

Or your friends could be well meaning doofuses who are so caught up in their own biases they give you terrible advice. Especially if your friends are also having a terrible time dating.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 04:08 PM
2

When someone shouts "Nice tits!" at a woman who was walking down the street (usually in a mocking voice), do you think that's a compliment?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 02:48 AM
1

I considered phrasing this as "actively prevents one", but usually find that construction pretty stilted in a more colloquial context. Would that have been enough to distinguish that my problem is with the rule?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 02:45 AM
–

This is the kind of rule that actively prevents you from learning to be less creepy.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/26 03:00 PM
1

Why? Everyone gets to decide how much they want something, and how much they put in to get it. But also, where does this "deserve" come in?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/26 05:17 PM
8

Women existing in public isn't doing anything to men. Men interacting with women is. And that's not even where we're drawing the line - it's when men are interacting with women in gross and creepy ways.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 11:21 PM
–

Work on yourself first. That doesn't mean avoid relationships, but focus on the things that are going to make yourself a happier healthier person. They're also going to make you more attractive and more capable of having good relationships. *Work on building your social circles. Particularly your face to face ones. Go out. Meet people. Try new things. And stay in touch with the friends you have. Drop them a text from time to time. Set up a time to talk on the phone. Whatever. *Work on your healt…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 11:07 PM
3

Yes, but that's not what a bangmaid is. A bang maid is a fantasy - what a guy who is totally focused on finding someone to serve and service him wants. The point is that he isn't interested (and often not mature) enough to be a good partner. It's not a critique of a woman who stays at home, it's a critique of an immature entitled man.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 09:08 PM
1

Considering your partner or wife a maid you can fuck says a lot about you.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 08:58 PM
2

"he ignores her past no matter how destructive it is" ...um, what?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 08:57 PM
3

But if you look at the development of feminism, sure, it became larger over time, but working out what your values are, and having a group of friends to support you in them can be pretty transformative at a personal level. A lot of the earlier feminists lived happier and more interesting lives because they decided to reject the social norms they were raised in. It didn't just benefit their descendants, but benefited them directly. And I don't think y'all are proposing anything that's going to fa…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 08:53 PM
2

"Although women were never the pursuers..." Yes and no. Women were socially expected to be more passive in the mating dance, but they often had fewer options other than marrying, and often really wanted to get a husband because of that. (And there was a lot more social pressure on women to marry.) So you could argue that they were actually pursuers, even if there was a pretense that they weren't. A huge amount of their training and conditioning was all about attracting a husband. (I'm thinking m…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 08:48 PM
5

I actually agree that men aren't good at supporting each other, or questioning social structures that hurt them. But framing all of this as if the only way men can do better is to oppress women is poorly conceived and regressive. Really, are men so weak that equality is just too hard?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 07:51 PM
3

'That's why society always called their country "mother lands" and not "father lands".' Actually, both terms have been used, though Fatherland has been less in favor at least in English speaking countries after the heavy Nazi use of the term. (Seriously - and this isn't just to the OP, this is something I see on this forum all the time! - Don't make random historical assertions without checking your facts. I frequently see people saying things that simple aren't true, even if they are things tha…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 07:48 PM
0

Not really. Dark triad traits correlated with short term dating strategies sexual coercion in men. And some of them correlated with sexual assertiveness - but sexual assertiveness is only one type of assertiveness. "Sure, but a lot of them wouldn't get anywhere regardless. There is large overlap between "incel" and "poorly socialized enough that you come across as off even when you have no ill intentions. Or just utterly uninteresting."" Sure, but the poorly socialized bits are things that can b…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 07:41 PM
11

Yeah, but caring for length but not health seems perverse. They kind of go together.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 07:10 PM
16

And yet, I'd rather be alone than in an unhealthy relationship. Which means if I find myself in an unhealthy relationship, I'm dumping his ass. (And have.) I'm perplexed that you feel otherwise, but whatevs, my dude.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 06:47 PM
1

I don't think society needs to be sticking its long nose into everyone else's business.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 04:40 AM
2

I think the extent that it's better for men rests a lot on how much women are willing to perform traditional roles in relationships. Of course, when you say monogamy is going to be enforced - do you mean for married people? Or are people going to be forcibly married? I mean, I'm not in support of either, but they're pretty different.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 03:24 AM
3

If you survey women, an awful lot would like kids (or more kids) but either their partners are not on board, or they can't afford it. Having children in the US is ridiculously expensive.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 03:22 AM
3

Oh, FFS. It's worse for women because cheating is more tolerated in men than in women.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 03:02 AM
4

"dispelling all the unfounded fear mongering around men" Y'know, the founded fear is plenty.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 03:01 AM
7

And generally, the details will be highly variable, and determined by the individual.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 03:01 AM
2

There's at least a solid argument for worrying about the birth rate, but in that case I think we'd do a lot better in focusing on letter couples who would already like children be able to afford to have and raise them.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 02:59 AM
1

First off, you have to give up the whole "all the women are sleeping with Chad" thing. Most women aren't interested in casual sex. (Many did experiment with it, and most didn't like it.) Sure, the group of women who do casual get to have their pick and have a lot of fun, but that's a minority of women. Most women are just cautious and picky for most of their dating lives, and prioritize relationships. Second, think about the general experiences women have with men. Most of us start dealing with …
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 02:57 AM
–

Oh, heavens, this rather reminds me of a favorite study: https://www.nature.com/articles/nature.2014.15106 (TL;DR - rats in research captivity are stressed out by male researchers, but not female researchers. IIRC, it's a scent thing...) The cues are interesting - it struck me as weird that in the SA article they're mostly talking about things like pheromones and gait. I'd have gone to trends in clothing first, since with birds the males tend to be more brightly colored and strongly patterned. I…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 02:08 AM
2

Hey, reddit is a perfect place to catch your breath while inhaling a meal during crazy times. Totally not from personally experience, of course.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 01:58 AM
1

I'm not even much of a romance reader, and I know better than that. There's a lot of excellent and interesting writing going on in romance.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 01:47 AM
2

"Five ways to forgiveness" This is one of Le Guin's that I adore that I don't see mentioned enough. (I love her writing generally. And it holds up so well) And I just recommended "The doomsday book" to a student earlier today. (Among a bunch of other books. It started with a discussion of Willis' story "Schwarzschild Radius", which I loved. I consider her and excellent writer and more inconsistent with her world building, but when she hits, she hits hard.)
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 01:15 AM
1

This is a retribution fantasy.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 12:02 AM
–

Kindness is fine and good. But my work - and I don't just mean my job, though I dearly love and am pretty involved with my job - is a huge part of my life, and it's not something that a partner can ignore. And more broadly, all the things that are in my life are a pretty huge part of who I am. If a guy doesn't care? If all he cares about is what he gets from me, and not who I am at all? Well, if I cared about him, that would hurt. But in any case, *plonk* (Which is somewhat archaic internet slan…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 11:53 PM
–

Whether they're dating. Guys often like to have Schrodinger's relationship, where they claim they're dating in some circumstances, and claim they're not in others. But guys will absolutely claim to be in a relationship with someone if they think it gets them laid. (Or the reverse. I've had a lot of guys claim they were into casual, and then turn out to want a relationship.)
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 04:15 PM
28

I think this is a pretty frequent point of view here? Often accompanied by guys asserting that they don't really care about her job, her achievements, etc. (Edit: I don't know about the rest of women here, but when I hear a guy saying he doesn't care about a woman's work and accomplishments, I hear "he doesn't care about me".)
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 04:13 PM
–

That would be another thing that gets lied about, yes.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 05:10 AM
12

...so does playing sportsball. Actually, that one is generally earlier.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 04:00 AM
13

Which says a lot about the values of the men here. And how they feel about women, for that matter.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 03:59 AM
2

Which is exactly why I prefer women's basketball. ...though really, I mostly am not a fan of watching random people play team sports. (Though hockey at least is visually intriguing - that whole ballet grace and then violence thing.) Playing is more fun.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 03:58 AM
0

I'd heard her name, and knew she was a performer of some kind, but she's also been in legal news recently.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 03:55 AM
5

As far as team sports go, I enjoy it more than most, but I don't follow the professional leagues. (And if I'm watching, I enjoy women's basketball more - better teamwork, less showboating.)
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 02:34 AM
35

Am I the only person who at least somewhat knows who Megan Thee Stallion is, but has never heard of Klay before this post?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 02:28 AM
–

Yeah, last I checked having sex with someone is far more intrusivr than being fed by sometime.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 12:46 AM
–

It's more cultural than you seem to think. I'm not on the spectrum, and the overwhelming majority of folks I've been involved with aren't either. To me, the folks who claim they need mystery sound a lot like those who think that consent is incredibly unsexy. Everyone gets to have their kinks, of course
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 12:44 AM
1

If she has been told that he's seeking a relationship, but in fact he's not, then the sex was under false pretenses.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 04:26 PM
45

It's totally possible to have mutually agreed on casual sex. Pretending you're interested in a relationship just to get sex, though, is vile.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 04:23 PM
1

Social skills play a lot more into that initial assessment that a lot of guys here seem to acknowledge. Body language. How you move. How you stand. Whether you know how to make appropriate eye contact. How you interact with the people around you. It's *part* of how you appear.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 04:17 PM
–

"when i'm attracted to him" Yes, that. Men's bodies are fun to play with, too, and they make such entertaining noises.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 03:04 AM
1

Well, you said that the man's job will pay her bills. But that's not the case for most relationships these days, which is why I wondered.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 02:59 AM
1

"Of course women don’t care about the man’s job that pays her bills, and pays for her dates, how lovely " So you expect to support her, and for her not to have a job?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/26 08:45 PM
23

Well, someone is having problems with their true standing. Everyone gets to determine their "no award" line - the line beneath which they'd rather be alone than date.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/26 04:29 PM
3

And yet you see the same things said by men in countries where modest dress is mandated, except it will be about women showing their ankles, or a few strands of hair showing. Your lust is in you, and it's not something we're responsible for.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/26 03:21 PM
0

Yes, but. And in this case the but really bears examining. (Though one of my dear friends will rant at length about how everyone idealizes their college years, and one of the reasons is that it's their only real experience of living in a walkable community. And my college does a lot to encourage socialization, and it's not by accident, and there's a fair bit of work going on behind the scenes.) I spent in twenties in industry, before eventually heading back to academia, this time for research. I…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/26 12:58 AM
3

And let's not forget about the women!
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/26 07:02 PM
3

It's also highly regional. In WA, where I am, only 10% of boys are circumcised. (I'm not saying that's good, but it's among the lowest in the country.)
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/26 06:47 PM
1

I think there are some differences, but they're largely overblown, and often ignoring the spectrum of what humans are and can be. I'm taller than the average man.* And stronger, but then *average* isn't saying much there. I'm also a martial artist. Which hey, might mean I'm just not "feminine" enough for you to be attracted to me, and I'm fine with that. I'm wary of "roles" because people always try to make them prescriptive. I'm a computer science professor and a roboticist, which a lot of peop…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/26 06:12 PM
6

My experience was that the pool that I looked at for long term relationships was the same pool I looked at for dating. [Gah: major typo! that I looked at for LTRs was the same one I looked at for casual flings.] The criteria for relationships was more stringent, though. Hell, often casual things were partly a test drive to see if I wanted to invite them back. This whole implied hierarchy where there's a SMV, and most guys think they know it, and there's a lot of freaking out about whether the wo…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/26 05:29 PM
12

Of course men are having a hard time getting casual, and might not get the women they want. This is simply numbers. Most women aren't looking for casual. (This is why men frequently pretend they're looking for a relationship to get casual sex. And why there are so many more men than women on OLD.) And most of the ones who are aren't looking for it as often as most men are. So if you're looking for casual, you do have 80% of men competing for 20% of women. (I pulled those numbers out of my ass. A…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/26 05:13 PM
1

Except that the bonus happens when they get married, not because they're the kind of man who is likely to get married.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/26 04:45 PM
0

I think men who minimize the amount of men who are not safe for women to be around (and I don't just mean rape) are part of the problem.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/26 03:15 AM
10

Sold? Or told by your parents. Kindness and personality win out all the time. But they win out with people who know each other socially, get to know each other over time, and are at least moderately good with social interactions. (For instance, doesn't go asking everyone woman in the social group out, since that came up recently.) This was how most of my friends met their partners. This is how most of my students are meeting their partners now. They do not win on online dating. OLD is mostly abo…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/26 03:12 AM
–

It don't count as science until someone has done the work and tested the hypothesis. And gotten it through peer review. (Really, it doesn't count even then - more people have to get involved, and replicate the findings. Science on this level is a conversation, and a single paper ain't shit. But it's still a start.)
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 11:58 PM
–

I look forward to your peer reviewed publications. ...since it's that lack that makes it not.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 11:23 PM
–

I mean, the enneagram makes the MBTI look scientific.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 11:05 PM
–

The enneagram is pseudoscience. Which is fine, as long as you know that. I mean, some people find astrology useful too. I only judge if they're using it destructively.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 10:43 PM
1

Ye gods. All things in moderation. Being "emotionally open and vulnerable" generally isn't a great all the time thing for folks. But also, while it's super important in people getting to know each other, it doesn't help anything if the content is terrible. Someone being emotionally open and vulnerable about their rampant immaturity and how they want to weaponize all their unaddressed insecurities is an all-signing all-dancing review of red flags. (And the kind of case where a lot of women will b…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 08:39 PM
–

It apparently started in Australia (I heard about it from the UK) - it's a movement originally aimed at developing social connections for older men, where they get together and do woodworking and building type stuff. But the sheds I know of have a bunch of younger men too. https://usmenssheds.org/
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 07:56 PM
–

In this case cyber security. She's very senior. Being senior often increases the bullshit, IME. Note, also, we're talking a client, which is a different dynamic than what you get from coworkers. I've been out of industry for years - I'm a prof now - but when I was at MS, I was pretty well known for putting men in joint locks if they touched me inappropriately. It happened a lot. The guys on my team thought it was pretty hilarious, and mocked the recipient of the joint lock at length. But even th…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 07:39 PM
–

Do you mean the free masons? (There are separate women's groups, and also mixed groups, but the big traditional groups are sex separated.) My experience of D&D groups is that there's a mix of male only and mixed gender groups. (And also, that the guys who spend time in mixed gender groups are more likely to date and marry successfully.) I've been pretty impressed by the UK men's shed movement. There are sheds in the US, but not so many. (There are three within a couple of hours of me, but all cl…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 07:16 PM
7

Yes, because those factors made it much more likely that men could get away with it. But it's not a given, and still a quarter of them admit to it. Do you think those factors made men more likely to want to rape? Because it seems like it just made it more likely that they could pull it off.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 08:58 PM
12

Eh, with more than a quarter of South African men admitting they've raped a woman, I'm thinking we're not generally talking about a small fraction that is capable, or would do it if they could get away with it.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 08:51 PM
7

So, that is important. But it sounds like that's more post-event response? (I'm guessing that you were raped by a man because of context, but I'm not sure. Considering the general suckage of people, being called "gay" could go for either.)
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 08:30 PM
14

Except the whole point was that gay sex is in fact having sex with someone you're not attracted to. It sounds like men expect kind of a baseline attraction (or at least not non-attraction) to all women. This is not how I feel about the prospect of having sex with random men, and it sounds like this feeling is widely shared.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 08:27 PM
1

Huh. Needing something and needing grace for something aren't equivalent, I don't think? Guys need to be more supportive of each other. They need friends, real friends, that they can talk to about their problems, and who can give them solid advice. (Which means everyone involved needs to be growing up.) They need to have spent time around people who model good communications skills, and encourage them to communicate well - about their feelings, yes, but also more generally. They need to spend fa…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 07:36 PM
6

We're talking the same culture where men routinely suppress their emotions and only express them as anger?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 07:05 PM
2

Yes, but often the woman's ability to stay in the country is contingent on staying married. Divorce rates always go down when women are less free. I am not pathologizing them generally - I am pathologizing the ones who are pathological. Guy finds a guy, they fall in love, etc. etc. - more power. But a lot of these guys are going on about wanting submissive women they can have power over - and it's a relationship with an inherent power imbalance.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 07:04 PM
6

I don't have a problem with the idea of seeking more broadly. I do have a problem with treating foreign women like shit because you think you can get away with it.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 06:45 PM
28

And yet, rape is frequently being brought up by men too, though they'll often bend over backwards to try to avoid the word. For instance, I was just having a conversation with a guy where he asserted that it would be worse for a man to have sex with a man he didn't want to have sex with than for a woman to have sex with a man she didn't have sex with, because she's straight. Which is less gross than the frequent questions about why don't women have sex with incels so they are less likely to want…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 06:29 PM
6

Yeah, I don't think the women getting salty about passport bros want to date them. Ye gods. But so much of what you hear from them is so socially regressive - all this purity and submission from women. I think it's creepy as fuck, and I worry about the women. And I worry about the erosion of women's rights in our own countries.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 06:23 PM
–

PT = Physical Therapist. And no, you don't know whether the results you are getting from MDs are good, because you don't know how good it could be. They can be telling you that yeah, you should just accept that your knee doesn't work right, and hey, you're getting older*. And more people than not will just nod and accept it. The knee is the most straightforward of examples - dealing with a spine injury and someone telling me that I needed to accept that I would never live an active life again wa…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 06:14 PM
5

"The State of California famously suffered from a massive wildfire that was not effectively countered due to DEI hiring practices that prioritized diversity over saving human lives." This was a bullshit claim made by the current administration that wasn't rooted in reality. A lot of it had more to do with animus felt by the current president because he did not get CA's electoral college votes.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 04:21 PM
13

Except a lot of women have no interest in such.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 03:05 PM
-1

You're the one who said we were hogging the best paying jobs. Since women are still generally paid less, what else could you mean?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 06:06 AM
1

Hey, if men can't be bothered to get educations, how is that on us? That's hardly hogging. We were told ages back not to base our entire self worth on being with a man. Did y'all not get the memo?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 04:21 AM
0

Oh, this is all about getting laid? I thought it was about relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 04:20 AM
1

It would be one thing if men were providing, but for the most part that's more equally shared than anything else in the relationships. So women get the extra housework and childcare... and still have to deal with guys with the emotional maturity of a turnip. I'm not seeing the profit. In my case, I was the primary breadwinner. I got my ex to deal with a bunch of his mental health issues. I drug him to marital counseling. (Which he bailed on when he realized accountability was part of it.) And th…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 03:49 AM
1

I think the many to few dynamic is the few women interested in casual vs. the many men who want it, not many women having sex with a smaller number of guys. I haven't found the apps to be helpful. Too much of what I look for isn't clear there, so I end up meeting up with too many guys who I'm not the least bit interested in. And much of the time, I find the process irritating enough that I'm put off of dating men for some time. Meeting men in person is much more effective. When I was younger, I …
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 03:34 AM
2

It's kind of amazing how freeing it is to have your own income.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 03:03 AM
4

Except they're less likely to divorce. When they do divorce, they are more likely to be filing the papers. But the rates of divorce are lower.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 02:42 AM
1

I would be more up for a good FWB than just about anything else. Mostly I like my life how it is! But someone to do things with from time to time and fuck like bunnies could be nice. I've had a couple of longer term FWBs... but they both ended with the guy being upset because they wanted more and I didn't. (Also, it would have to be someone I enjoyed spending time with. I'm serious about the friends part.)
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 01:54 AM
0

Y'know, this is not generally how I've seen dating work. Where is this?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 01:50 AM
1

It's not that perpetually single men are necessarily loners. It's that a lot of perpetually single men are loners, and the ones that post here a lot are more likely to be loners (because they have the time to do so.) My impression came from talking to the guys here, many of whom don't have friends, and don't have outside social activities. It's not all of the guys here, but it is a disproportionate number of the single, and especially the guys who have never had relationships. (Okay, also I am a…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 01:46 AM
0

Yeah, that's not how the statistics work.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 01:43 AM
1

I think many of you might overestimate how eager men in the past were to commit - especially in times that didn't allow divorce.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 01:40 AM
1

This is true. I have a pretty good idea what average men (in the PNW) look like. Less of an idea what folks without a college education are like - not none (I know and talk to a lot of people) but I'm a college prof who used to be a software engineer. And the daughter of a college prof. I've always had a lot of smart, educated people around me, and more to the point people who were interested in doing and making new things and new knowledge. But... what does being able to identify an average man…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 01:33 AM
2

This surprises me not at all, because so many young men are socially isolated, and don't really have much connection or meaning in their lives. So they look to marriage and having children. I also think a lot of these men have very little idea of how relationships work or the practical realities of having children. BTW, I think the idea that young women don't want children is overplayed. When asked, a lot of women wanted children, or wanted more children than they had - but their partner did not…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 01:10 AM
3

I guessed that. Educated women are more likely to be the ones initiating divorce, but have lower rates of divorce. 🤷
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 01:04 AM
5

While that's true, it's also true that college educated women are less likely to divorce at all. The divorce rate is lower.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 01:00 AM
4

Oh, for heaven's sake.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 12:58 AM
2

Sure. But for the most part that's like saying that a population who are mostly vegetarian are privileged because they can get meat whenever they want. Sure, it's great to the few carnivores, but it's immaterial to the vegetarians. The reasons women have more access to casual sex is that most women don't want it. (Yes, many try it. And decide they don't like it. But there are few habitual practitioners, and I say that as a woman who has had a lot of casual sex and enjoyed the hell out of most of…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 12:41 AM
2

Look, I'm bi. And generally, women tend to be less homophobic than men. So I do not get the whole "OMG, I touched a penis, and I now I have to have an existential crisis!" thing. (And I suspect a lot of that is cultural. Because different cultures have vastly different models of sexuality, and in some male homosexuality is normalized, and people don't have the freak outs.) For me, as a woman, the question would be whether it's something I'd decided to do. My experience - and I'm a 5'11" martial …
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 12:32 AM
0

I'm bi/pan, and I don't see it as damaging my community at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 11:57 PM
1

Nah, I think most of you are afraid that more women will date other women. (And frankly, there are a lot of women wishing they were attracted to other women. If you're a queer woman, you hear this from straight women all the time. Mind you, not all of them have realistic ideas about dating women.) But that's not the point. The point is that most women aren't any more attracted to most men than most men are attracted to most men. (I'm bi. I'm attracted to some men and some women. And I'm pretty p…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 11:57 PM
1

It's mostly been the gymbros, not the femboys.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 11:43 PM
2

But if a man is not attractive to me, his improvements in style and confidence aren't going to change that. There may to room to go from Meh to Maybe, and possibly Meh to Yes. But not from No to Yes.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 11:42 PM
2

What exactly here? We are talking about sex workers, right? Is this that men can't get guaranteed sex for free?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 11:41 PM
9

40-41% of first marriages in the US end in divorce, which is a better number than including a small population of frequently flyers.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 11:34 PM
0

It's true that my ex-husband profited in every way from having been married to me, including financially... but that doesn't mean I think all men are parasites.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 11:33 PM
1

Seriously, what is your evidence? One blow job? Which you know how exactly that he didn't pay for? Your ability to collect and rationally evaluate evidence seems questionable at best.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 11:32 PM
-1

And yet women generally are more focused on personality and generally things other than looks than men are, so maybe consider that? Part of the problem is that a lot of guys who may not look great (but often don't look awful, either) also either have lousy personalities, or have poor enough social skills that we don't get to see their personalities. (I see social skills as more around communication and presentation, where as personality is more about content.) A lot of guys blame their looks whe…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 11:26 PM
3

Though I bet Mr. Roger's would have had some lit relationship advice.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 11:22 PM
27

Looking into the underlying reasons might shed light. If you're going to a country where, say, divorce is not legal and women aren't allowed to have their own incomes anyway, well, you'd probably have to stay there to benefit from the effects. (And in that case I would argue that you are participating in an immoral system.) An awful lot of the women married and brought to the US by US citizens eventually divorce them. (Around 25-40%, depending on sources.)
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 11:18 PM
2

But "Life coach" is even more poorly defined than therapist, and a lot of life coaches are peddling snake oil.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 11:10 PM
3

And there's a bunch of research into what works better for men. AFAIK, men don't have worse outcomes from therapy (but I only follow this casually) but men are definitely more resistant to therapy, despite generally having pretty awful mental health overall.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 11:09 PM
3

It's perhaps more to the point for the guy who gets the occasional date and then gets dumped in part because he's either trying to use the women he's dating as a therapist, or because he has underlying behavioral issues that make women not want to deal with him.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 11:06 PM
1

I can recommend one in Seattle right off the bat. (I don't know how full up he is at the moment, though I could find out if you're interested.)
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 11:00 PM
-1

You can run into these same exactly dynamics with both MDs and PTs. Learning to identify when things are and aren't helping is a skill. As is being willing to fire people who aren't helping, even if you like them personally.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 10:59 PM
1

Unless it is enough to improve your mood. Keep in mind that people have all kinds of things going on with them.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 10:56 PM
-1

It's not, though psilocybin is one one of the more promising avenues at the moment, IMHO.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 10:55 PM
0

Meditation *can* be therapy. There is a minority - but not a tiny minority, and a persistent one - who have bad experiences with meditation. (Not me, but I do read the literature. And my doctorate is in neurobio, and I lived in a Zen Center for for eight years, so it's an area of curiosity.)
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 10:53 PM
2

I've seen quite a few guys here arguing that *only* men have romantic feelings*. And goodness knows I've had enough men fall for me. *Not my experience - I may fall for people fairly infrequently, but I fall hard when it happens.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 10:50 PM
1

If you don't want to date women who don't want to split the bill, then don't.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 04:28 PM
0

"Nearly 80 percent of men expected that they would pay on the first date, while just over half of women (55 percent) expected men to pay." https://www.nytimes.com/2024/02/10/business/gen-z-dating-pay-etiquette.html Which isn't to deny your experience - I suspect there are a lot of regional and subcultural variations.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 04:26 PM
0

"A young man isnt guaranteed a woman just because he self improves." No, a young man isn't guaranteed a woman, period. Full stop. You can improve your odds, but anyone who says they can give you the secret that will have you drowning in babes is lying.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 04:16 AM
–

"Women rarely women disagree with the group consensus. Maybe it’s a survival instinct, but you don't gain respect by being an echo chamber." Pretty sure your problem is with women who aren't agreeing... with you. But then, why would I find you relevant?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 04:07 AM
1

As a note, I make a distinction between personality and social skills, with the later being more presentation. Probably the most common one I see is with use of sexual innuendo. If you're just looking for hookups,, well, it wouldn't work for me but I'm out of touch with that scene. But if you're looking for a relationship? Do not do this at least until after the first date, and probably after the second. And even there, it's risky because if you aren't above average at reading social cues it's l…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 02:06 AM
1

Or on just living their best life. No reason to focus on men unless you feel called to.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 01:14 AM
1

I do not think there should be laws regulating when a woman can eject an unwanted guest. These are things that should be worked out by the medical associations. So far laws of that nature mostly have kept women who had non viable fetuses or fetuses dangerous to the mother from aborting them. I know at least three women who had non viable fetuses who were no able to get care in the states in which they lived in, and this was before Dobbs. Doctors generally won't perform abortions on a healthy wom…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 01:10 AM
1

First off, no, I don't expect that. I'm not looking, though I'm not entirely opposed if I happened to meet someone who I liked. But regardless, I don't expect this to happen in minutes. I generally meet people in social context and get to know them over time. "On the street" seems unlikely to me - at least with me - as I mentioned above. Though I do frequently get into conversations with random strangers - in shops, in line at the grocery, whatever. OTOH, could I do this? Sure. I do it all the t…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 01:04 AM
0

That's like saying the deer have power over the wolves. Except my statement is more reasonable, because the wolves need to eat something. That you want sex, and perhaps want companionship from a woman, is just that, something you want. If you have cookies, and I want cookies, it doesn't mean you have power over me.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 12:53 AM
3

"If you refuse to pay on dates you will filter out even non gold digger women. I'd say you will shrink your dating pool atleast by 90%. Awful advice." In fact, about half of women are perfectly happy to split the bill. So unless you think you are less attractive to this group in particular (they are somewhat more likely to be progressive, educated women with their own jobs, so I guess this is possible) this seems unlikely.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 12:46 AM
3

Of course, they mostly don't. Especially since increasingly women are doing just fine in the providing, and men are... not, so much.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/26 07:57 PM
2

Oy. There are a lot of variables, and they are going to change according to the woman. For me there are a cluster of things that have to be collectively fairly positive (not each and every one, let's say - and I'm pulling the units out of my ass - the total of a bunch of them has to be at least a +12, and none of them below 0 unless a few of the individual stats are really strongly positive). And then there are a bunch of rule outs. No touching me without permission. No being domineering*. No cr…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/26 12:56 AM
6

Ew. To the extent I want a partner at all (which is debatable, but if the right person came along, sure) I'd like a companion of any gender who is smart and does interesting stuff, is good in bed, and is similarly busy so they aren't complaining about my schedule all the time. And who doesn't try to take over my space and isn't looking for a BangMaid or a mommy. I will play arm candy on occasion, especially if I think it's funny. I've also been known to play bodyguard or enforcer from time to ti…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/26 12:11 AM
16

We don't have sexual power over you. We're just existing. You give us power. I for one didn't ask for it.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/26 12:00 AM
2

Y'know, you can have had sex with a lot of people and still rejected far more people. There are a lot of people. And a lot of them like to have sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 11:54 PM
3

Strong happy relationships, so I'm voting for yes. There's a lot of wanting other people to be miserable on this sub.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 10:10 PM
–

But this is completely untrue. Social interactions vary greatly by context, and part of having social skills is being able to pick up on those context shifts and shift accordingly. When I'm hanging with my friends on the spectrum, I tend towards geek verbose. But that's not how I interact with more NT friends, and it varies a lot by context and culture, too.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 07:29 PM
1

I see these hypotheticals listed here, like Joe who is a 5 and works at Target. Some of this might be regional - big box stores are more of a suburban thing, but I don't think I've ever known someone who worked at a Target. Though plenty of other low paid jobs in all of our youths - hell, I recruited a bunch of my college friends out of service jobs and into tech in the mid nineties. It wasn't the money per se, it's more what else is going on in their lives. (I'm in my fifties and well off now, …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 07:22 PM
5

And guys here say women want no accountability!
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 07:08 PM
3

Why, if he's the one who doesn't want children?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 07:01 PM
7

And abortion in civilized societies. Men get to control what goes on in their bodies, we get to control what's going on in ours.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 07:01 PM
3

I suspect he wouldn't be whining if a lot of what we say wasn't hitting uncomfortably close to home.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 06:59 PM
1

Just chiming in because I'm also a bit of a size queen. And definitely not submissive. I suspect some of it is just a proportion thing - I'm a 5'11" tall daughter of a former linebacker. Ain't nothing small about me, and while how one uses their dick (and hands, and mouth) is more important in the long run, I have had sex with guys where I just didn't feel much. I also enjoy having my cervix pounded, which some women hate - but again, I lose that with smaller guys. (Now, I'm bi, and a lot of my …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 06:53 PM
5

I keep on hearing that all the educated young men I know who are settling down and getting married must be simps and... if so, it seems to work well for them?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 06:38 PM
1

Eh, the "accepting friendship" thing is a judgement call. If you have feelings for someone, and that's going to be hurting you or getting in the way of being their friend, then FFS don't. What I find offensive is the idea that friendship isn't valuable in its own right, and all that counts is sex. I see being able to be friends with someone for real who you once were interested in as a mark of maturity. But you also have to know yourself. (On the flip side, if it's pretty clear to me that a guy …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 06:28 PM
2

This showed up on my research feed this morning. (Clearly I've searched too many articles for this forum, as it's really not my area.) https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.2527295123 Basically, women's hypergamy is specifically tied to inability to access financial resources in their own. As income inequality decreases, so does hypergamy.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 03:46 PM
4

While not entirely opposed to dating, it's not a priority for me, and it's highly unlikely I'll ever marry again. I'm a professor in my fifties. I started following the sub originally because I was concerned about what was looking like a pipeline between under educated men who often don't have secure employment and relationships to the men (who generally have that background) facing high rates of suicide and addiction in their forties and fifties. Since young men with those characteristics are m…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 03:31 PM
–

Right?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 03:17 PM
1

On the one hand, sure. I know quite a few women who have opted out of dating for similar reasons. Except, y'know, they're getting on with things, and just not dating, rather than whining about in and talking about how awful men are on the internet.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 03:33 AM
3

Uh-huh. I mean, you probably would have died as a kid in the Justinian plague, or been exposed on orders of the head of the household. But hey, maybe you would have served in the army. And then? (Blink twice if you're Pete Hegseth.)
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 03:31 AM
2

What single mothers are you talking about? Most of the single mothers I've known have been too busy working their asses off and raising their kids to date until the kids are older. (This was my sister. Her kid was a teen before she really dated again. She's been with her partner now for... thirteen years, I think?) Some have cordial co-parenting relationships with their exes. I hear guys here talking about "single moms" and it doesn't sound like any of the single moms I know.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 03:30 AM
5

Do you think this was the experience of most male roman citizens? (Note, I'm limiting to citizens, so already sorting for the privileged.)
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 03:26 AM
1

"3% of men are violent. Not a majority. But that 3% generated entire movements and behavioral expectations placed on ALL men." Where are you getting this? In the US, it's about one in five who self report using violence against a partner (which is better than the worldwide one in three).
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 03:00 AM
1

Minoan or bust!
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 02:42 AM
0

That's why I was asking. Control can mean many things, and perhaps I have a mild allergy, as there are a lot of men here who do want to control women. So what is the specific advice that RP gives towards developing social skills that you think is helpful? And I mean here that leads to you actually developing social skills rather than a shallow appearance of having social skills. (Not that I'm against faking it until you make it, but I'm also pretty disgusted with the men who think that getting t…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 02:41 AM
–

Lemesee. There was no way I was going to wear white. My groom did want to wear white, so we did that. Even if I'd been on speaking terms with my father, there was no way I was going to be "given away". (And in fact, he lost any legal authority over me when I was sixteen, after I took him to court.) Nor was I going to swear "until death do we part". Mind you, when I got married, I was fully hoping for it to be forever, but I also knew there were things he could do other than die that would cause …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 02:37 AM
3

I'd turn it to which family the couple likes more :-)
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 02:25 AM
2

What kind of a background are you coming from? Because that sounds more self-hating than anything else, and according to most christians I know, an insult to god.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 02:11 AM
0

The imperium? Yeah, actually, I don't want to live in an empire, thanks. I'm assuming this has got to apply to more kinds of fornication than the "poophole loophole" though I suppose that could be why I haven't yet encountered demons or demonesses.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 02:03 AM
1

Oh, sweetie, don't you remember the Satanic Panic? Or haven't you ever gotten a copy of the watchtower?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 02:01 AM
2

Ignore implies they have the information
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 01:56 AM
4

Y'know, someone needs to work on their empathy, and I don't think it's the women here.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 01:55 AM
0

Oo, I wanna hear about this demonic incursion.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 01:54 AM
3

And yet more women are marrying men who are less educated than they are, showing that women are pretty flexible when it comes down to it.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 01:53 AM
1

But the issue is less of marriage (yes, despite that being part of the meaning of the word) than procreation. Many, many women have born the children of the local lord, their owner, men they were concubines to, men who they were one of several wives of, their employer, etc. This often had less to do with women trying to rise in status than men exerting coercive control of various ways. Though guys here typical blame the women anyway.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 01:52 AM
7

So are you not one of the men who wants to fornicate? Because i'd say more here do.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 01:41 AM
2

Well, that is terrible advice. Bluepill only by dint of not being redpill, and something offered by loving but unhelpful parents and relatives from forever. Though it might even make sense for folks who are average looking, have decent social skills, etc. (And we are often blind to those we love.) But what do you mean by have some control? Because that may or may not be exactly what I mean by cheat code. You get to have control of yourself. But dating involves other people, and you don't get to …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 01:13 AM
3

When I was married, there was no way I was ever going to take my husband's name. There may have been an alternate reality where I feel for someone whose family I really loved, and who really embraced me? Maybe? But hell, my ex's family was pretty grim. For a while, I was intending to change my last name to the name I'd be publishing (in the popular press) under for years. When I tried to do it as a standard marriage name change, I got a lot of push back. And then when I started publishing academ…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 07:22 PM
–

Okay, this is an awful lot of words and the kind of post I'm usually dubious of... but I have seen this dynamic. The same guys who claim they want a shy geek girl chase after me, and I am the opposite of shy. (And often apparently don't even see the actual shy geek girls in their midst - though sometimes set ups have fixed that.)
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 07:13 PM
2

Women also do a lot of things to repel men, or more often, to repel some men, most of it on purpose. Y'know all the men complaining about unnatural colored hair, piercings and tattoos? We certainly do. Fashion isn't all about sexual attraction, and never has been. In various times, a lot of women's (especially younger women's) fashion was focused on attracting men - and this usually had a lot to do with women having few options other than marrying well. Even there, there were a lot of gradiation…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 07:11 PM
4

Then don't look. Seriously. Expecting men to be grown ups shouldn't be so controversial.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 07:05 PM
6

Because most BP advice really comes down to normal self improvement that doesn't focus around cheat codes to get you laid. And a lot of people take it, and do just fine, but you still have this minority that's pushing for cheat codes to get you laid.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 06:59 PM
-1

Uh-huh.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 05:28 AM
-1

This isn't even a particularly compelling version of the fantasy in which women will be sorry, and also start chasing men. You can not force women to want you. Nor are you likely to spin a compelling tale about how we'll be sorry. Start with yourself, which is something that you can change. And maybe focus on things like having friends and being happy, instead of looksmaxxing or other drivel.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 05:24 AM
–

"as women are willing to share the top few men" I mean, people lie to children all the time already, I guess?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 05:20 AM
0

"But Hollywood and mass media teach them to expect immediate “spark”, “passion”, which only happens with a very small minority of hottest, most confident and successful guys. If there is no “spark”" Strangely, I mostly see men here talking about how if a woman isn't immediately attracted to you, there's no point.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/26 04:16 PM
3

You would not be working for society. You would be working for yourself. You also don't get women like prizes with your crackerjacks.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/26 04:31 PM
3

Then you should keep in mind that you are going to be mostly dating more feminist women who are unlikely to be into traditional gender roles. Or the desperate, I suppose?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/26 04:26 PM
1

Good luck with that.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/26 04:25 PM
1

See, and you might actually be fun to date.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/26 04:24 PM
4

And it's her getting to know you as well, and if you're bitter and miserly, she probably doesn't want to know you.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/26 04:23 PM
1

Really, how would they even know? Are these women who you already know?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/26 04:22 PM
1

If they never have that first date, none of you knows, do you?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/26 04:21 PM
1

I insist on splitting. And about half of women are happy to split. But the other half do expect to be paid for, at least on a first date. (And these are more likely to be the less feminist and more traditionally feminine women, if that happens to be your thing.) So it will change your dating pool.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/26 04:20 PM
11

People talk about how it's pretty easy to disguise your bitterness and animosity towards women, and maybe it is, but darn, so many men out themselves, seemingly intentionally.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/26 04:17 PM
1

I probably would, but it would have to be someone I met in person and clicked with. And it's me, so it's likely that I'd be asking them out. But hey, walks are a great time for conversation, and good conversation is my catnip. My first date with one of my longer term partners was someone I knew socially, and whom I tended to get into pretty involved conversations with even when we ran across each other in passing. I asked them out to coffee, they counterproposed a hike, and we were off. (I do mi…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/26 04:12 PM
3

Face up to the fact that you are a diva. You don't want to do the job that you could get. You don't want the women that you can get. Moving into a new field is just too hard and too much effort for you. (Cry me a river, I started working on a PhD in a field I had not previously worked on when I was 34.) Now, the economy does suck. But you don't want the options you have, at least not if you actually have to work for them. You also are apparently attracted exclusively to much younger women, who a…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/26 04:05 PM
-1

The cry of all terrified little boys.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/26 03:53 PM
1

Ye gods. There are a lot of assumptions built into this. My dude, you have creeped me out. When I was married, I would have talked over most things with my husband. I had not been on speaking terms with my father since I was fifteen. Gone to him asking for guidance... yeah, not so much. He was my partner, not an authority. "Being told what to do" - the hell? I don't really have a boss. There will be a committee of people reviewing my application for tenure. (I'm being strongly encouraged to appl…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/26 02:23 AM
1

Which isn't really that old in research terms.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/26 09:39 PM
5

Sure, and they were boring and I ended up dumping them because they were boring. Usually in a fairly short period of time. I felt bad for them, but I learned pretty quickly that pity fucks weren't for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/26 04:49 AM
2

You have a very narrow idea of who gets pussy! Hint: long haired pretty boys are probably doing better than you are.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/26 04:47 AM
1

As a woman who preferred to initiate, and turned down a majority of the guys who asked me out, I'm the wrong person to go off on this way. (I also debauched a number of quiet shy geek boys, though admittedly, usually ones who had redeeming qualities.)
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/26 04:45 AM
–

I'm not the only woman here who has discussed going to various sex parties and BDSM events. (Though BDSM isn't my cup of tea, it's pretty common in the sex positive communities in general.)
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/26 03:01 AM
2

Most of the women I know - straight or queer - seek out the company of women.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 07:34 PM
2

Bi women tend to settle down with women at rates slightly higher than would be expected if you just compare the numbers of straight men and queer women.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 07:33 PM
1

I think younger folks these days are asocial, passive and shy enough that if you want to do anything, you should count on initiating regardless of gender.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 07:32 PM
4

Sure? But so many of these guys barely have friends, and have so little experience socializing with people. Often they're repeating extreme statements that other people have made because they have no experience at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 07:09 PM
4

I'd usually say "masculinity", but hetnorm gender roles do as well. Masculinity is much more rigidly policed - partly because women have fought a lot to give ourselves some room. But also because men tend to position themselves as having power, and there's all this constant bickering about whether men are good enough to be part of those holders of power. ...though I do also wonder how much the urge to make hierarchies is just a male thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 07:06 PM
1

There is also tendency to see women's attraction in terms of how men's attraction (and libidos) work. And mostly that's not how women roll.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 06:54 PM
5

I don't know about chase. But initiate? Sure. Generally, it's someone who I've spent time around, and enjoyed their company. Good conversation - for me that means both creative and intellectually rigorous (this is usually the hardest thing to find). Decent values. I'm less swayed by a pretty face than I was when I was younger (most of them were so boring...) but I won't ask them out in a romantic context if I don't see potential for being attracted. Really, if you want to date someone - both a s…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 06:44 PM
–

So learn to actually connect with people.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 05:06 PM
2

If you are dating someone seriously, and intending to build a life together, earning potential is important for both partners. If you're a straight couple and intending to have kids, that's likely going to cut into her earnings. (Though this is one of the reasons I like the Swedish system. It has been really good at encouraging fathers to be active involved parents. But even there there is a significant penalty on mothers.) This is pragmatics. If you're not having children, there's more wiggle r…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/26 06:22 PM
1

This sounds like folks who are in a pretty toxic dating pool. My experience was that I usually initiated things with men (more than half the time, anyway - but then I turned down a majority of men who asked me out). I often was explicit in wanting something casual. A majority of men agreed to that, and then pushed for a more serious relationship. This whole bit where guys treat you worse if you sleep with them? They were never worth sleeping with in the first place. Do what you can to identify t…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/26 06:06 PM
2

You make an assertion about men doing this work, but mostly I see a lot more women working on behalf of society, and a lot more men working on behalf of themselves alone.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/26 06:00 PM
1

Though the big determiner is education. Educated men are generally doing just fine at finding partners and starting families - and they tend to have very egalitarian relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/26 05:59 PM
2

"I also never was with a circumcised guy (Europe isnt that big on it) so Idk what it is like but I had never issues with "aesthetics" as it is often cited as a reason for it to be done." I've been with both. I live on the US West Coast, which has a relatively low rate of circumcision of babies. Don't have a particular preference, as long as hygiene isn't an issue. (And really, if hygiene is an issue, it is only slightly more of one if you're uncircumcised. If your dick isn't clean it isn't going…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/26 05:56 PM
4

That's about a "report" from DatingAdvice.com. A focus of their business is advising people who are trying to rebuild after cheating relationships. So their motivations are questionable, they didn't appear to even be trying to have decent sampling and this is not a peer reviewed paper - and it couldn't be.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/26 04:05 PM
3

What kind of STEM and where in his studies?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/26 03:59 PM
1

Well, I am not interest in dating someone who is controlling, or who otherwise expresses their insecurities by treating me badly. It's not about whether they're a bad person (though I think treating people badly isn't a great indicator). It's about whether I want to date them. If you don't want to date someone, don't date them. But shaming them and trying to make them feel bad is just foul.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/26 05:03 AM
2

Which has what to do with this conversation?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/26 06:12 PM
10

Source? Because that's nothing like the numbers I've seen. (And the numbers I've seen, while less than double the rate, include men who have lost interest in sex, which is often associated with other problems.) (ETA: Meanwhile, of course, male partners are one of the biggest sources of harm to women.)
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/26 06:10 PM
17

As someone who has had a lot of partners* I largely haven't been slut shamed about it, certainly not by partners, people who aspired to be partners, generally socially, etc. (Probably some by randos on the internet, but far more have tried to tell me that my destiny is to settle in the house and kitchen and breed smart children.) A lot of this is community. I grew up in Seattle, got pretty deep into some of the music scenes, and the SFF crowd and suchlike. Oh, and came out as queer in the eighti…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/26 06:08 PM
13

Both are in fact survival needs, if not as immediate as food and water. Sex isn't. Y'all are just thirsty.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/26 05:53 PM
14

Sex isn't a survival need. Relationships are negotiated between adults to be mutually beneficial.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/26 05:43 PM
12

There's some literature on this. If given a list of qualities, women will generally prefer "dominant" over "submissive" men if forced to choose one of those terms, but often when allowed to pick their own terms the ones that show up the most are things like "confident" and "assertive", and dominant does not. (I realize you're using the term dominant, but I wonder if the components of your term might map well to the confident and assertive others use?) Meanwhile, a lot of folks here are definitel…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/26 03:48 AM
10

Gods yes. Don't get your advice from grifters!
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/26 03:41 AM
1

I can see some potentials for mismatches - I unapologetically love my job, which pays me rather less than I would make in industry* - to the point where I'm somewhat often taking on things that aren't a requirement because I think they're cool or I think they'll contribute to the common good. (I'm not saying this would be a mismatch, but, maybe?) But really, the issues I've had in the past has been with guys who were upset that I was doing better than they were in my career**, or who wanted to p…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/26 03:40 AM
1

Especially these days, considering how few folks have their own places and incomes until at least the mid/late twenties.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/26 03:18 AM
–

It's entirely likely this take is massively unfair to cavemen.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/26 03:14 AM
–

So, you're not just quoting bullshit numbers, but you're on Tinder. Which is a choice.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/26 03:09 AM
–

If you are looking for a committed relationship, this is bullshit. A lot of women like to take things slow, and will not take a man seriously who is pushing for sex early on. If you want someone serious, committed ("and with your low body count"), they're not going to be hopping into bed on the first date - and likely not even on the third. Sure, not everyone who does have sex early is against having committed relationships. But that's a lot less common with women. Now, if you're just looking fo…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 04:21 PM
–

Most of those guys want a hookup.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 08:13 PM
–

You make a strong argument for men having no idea how dating works for women. But also: "They don't have the options to be patient." Most women don't have a line of men waiting to ask them out. That's not why women want to take things slow. Maybe look more into the impatience of men?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 04:26 PM
2

I've seen some pretty involve posts from guys in this forum about how women are terrible in all ways - not just for not sleeping with them - and how men are better and more interesting and more worthy people in all ways. My most frequent response is to say something about the problem of men who hate women but want to fuck them anyway. Pretty much guaranteed to fuck up the life of any woman they get involved with. (And they pretty much are only going to get involved with a woman by lying, but the…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/26 09:56 PM
3

Oh, FFS. There are ways in which sex work can be (but isn't always) empowering for women. A lot of it depends on the context and the conditions... and then women. I know women who would absolutely become call girls if it were legal. The issue isn't usually "feeling sad" though. The issue is that women (and generally not men who did similar things) are highly stigmatized for having done any kind of sex work. Including sexy modeling. Which can lead to real career problems down the road, depending …
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/26 09:29 PM
1

He's not my type - though so much of that is posture and that I know he's Andrew Tate that it's hard to separate that from how he looks. (Though there's something about the posture and photo angles that always makes him look smaller than he really is, which is weird. He always strikes me as looking like a banty rooster.)
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/26 06:41 PM
2

Andrew Tate is a perfect example of how a lousy personality can make someone unattractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/26 06:08 PM
4

But we're talking the possibility of men being objectified. Which means we're talking female sexuality.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/04/26 03:17 PM
12

I'm still trying to get of a sense of the demographics of the left behind men. Like, even here, you talk about a male loneliness epidemic, but then talk entirely in terms of women and "intimacy". Which sounds less like a matter of loneliness and more like one unchosen celibacy. If it's loneliness, the question is whether or not you have friends, and how to go about making friends. If the question is wanting a woman only, and for "intimacy", well, that's sex. Makes sex with other benefits, but th…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/26 03:41 AM
1

I mostly don't. At least men. Though even that isn't really because dating is so terrible - dating is tedious and low reward, and I'm busy, so I tend to deprioritize it. If I meet someone I actually like, it probably won't be on dating apps, and sure, I'll go for it. But otherwise, I'll put my time and energy to things that are more rewarding or that I enjoy.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/26 02:14 AM
4

" And of course, as a man, it's very hard to find a woman who doesn't have this mentality..." Nah, but assuming that a majority of women are gold diggers is likely to lead to behaviors that undercut your chance of dating someone nice.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/26 02:11 AM
0

Yes, there's stigma against sex workers. The existence of stigma doesn't mean that the stigma is anything more than bigotry, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/26 02:10 AM
–

'5 out off 10 Brad works at Target, u pull up to him "would u date a single mom, which has a of and a bodycount off 600" Brad will say no.' I'm gonna call this vice signalling, because it sure isn't virtue. Chances are, if he met a hot girl with a kid and a high body count, he would try to date her. But there's a decent chance he's putting up AI written essays on reddit about how he wouldn't.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/26 02:09 AM
9

Or they witnessed it but dismissed it.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/26 12:34 AM
9

This sounds like someone who is so insecure they want power over someone more than they want mutual love.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/26 02:44 PM
1

The OP already answered, and answered far more to the point.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/26 04:12 PM
-1

I think if he has been the kid's Dad, then dropping the kid because of something the mom did is gross. This is about their relationship rather than the legal obligation, though in practice making sure the kid is provided for is also important. And I think if he just walks away from the kid, he's borderline psychopathic.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/26 03:15 PM
–

The amazing thing is how often guys do not conceal their bitterness when hitting on women. Including men who have pretty decent social skills otherwise. Then there are the ones who make some effort to conceal it, but don't do it very well. You're right, it doesn't take much in terms of social skills to pull this off... but so many either can't or can't be bothered.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/26 05:02 AM
–

I'm not looking, and not particularly interested in a relationship - but if I really clicked with someone, sure. (Or at least, I'd be open to considering it.) Do not be a student where I teach. (This has come up. Not with one of my students, but it's still weird.) With my criteria, places where we can actually talk are probably best. So the neighborhood taproom, the bar and grill during off hours, a bookstore, most other stores (one of my most enjoyed near misses was a guy who was flying to Iraq…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/26 04:54 AM
1

The hell? I've had cats for my whole life, other than the time I was in grad school. (And the grad school years were the worst for dating, though I've generally figured that I'm just not compatible with Ohio.) This sounds like a personal issue, not a general one. You don't have to date pet owners, but I don't think problems are that prevalent.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/26 04:33 AM
-1

Legal right, sure. This is generally how it works. (Though there is some variance state to state and country to country.) But if a guy has been an active and involved father for some time, and has a relationship with the kid, and then dumps the kid like a hot rock because it's not biologically his? I'm going to think badly of him. I'm team kid in this case.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/26 04:07 AM
1

That assumes rape is about wanting sex. As opposed to wanting rape in particular and power in general.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/26 04:05 AM
4

Yeesh. Most of the guys I've met on the trail are chill. But having spent a lot of time in the woods, and run across quite a few bears while doing so (mostly black bears, admittedly)... most bears are more reliably chill than most men. And more generally predictable. (Sampling from all men rather than men one is likely to come across on the trail.) Bears are generally pretty easy to deal with. With the exception of polar bears, who are unlikely to be in the woods. Of course, I am vastly more com…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/26 04:01 AM
1

FWIW, I don't, especially. One of my favorite romance authors - and I don't read a lot of romance per se - writes M/M and straight romance, and I read her straight romance almost exclusively. I've definitely read stories that had gay male romances as parts of them, but I don't seek them out, and am a little weirded out by the straight women writing gay male romance thing. (Not saying other people should enjoy it, but if I want to read about gay men, I'll probably read gay male authors.) Queer wo…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/26 03:47 AM
3

I rarely wear sexy clothes when I'm not in a relationship. Maybe when I go out clubbing? But that's pretty infrequent these days.* (And usually it's less about being sexy than about being light enough to dance in in a warm room.) Makeup is even more infrequent. My experience is of guys pleading with me to wear sexy outfits - specific ones they know I own - when we're out. Which I often will, if I think the outfit is appropriate to the occasion. (I will not wear a club outfit to a company holiday…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/26 03:12 AM
–

Why set my standards so low? (Note: this isn't assuming you look terrible. But looks are superficial, and what an utter waste of time.)
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/26 03:02 AM
1

I wanted to have kids, once upon a time. (I am now in my fifties, and while it's horrifyingly possible that I could still have a kid - history of both early and late fertility in the family, and my body isn't even convincingly in perimenopause - this strikes me as a terrible idea.) Though I wanted a mature, committed and involved co-parent. Instead, I dumped my ex husband and focused on my research. If only I had known that I should just have moved to Sweden! Having kids isn't an equal propositi…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/26 03:01 AM
1

Plenty of male nurses out there, too. You in fact have a baby with your reproductive organs, and women do the heavy lifting there. Construction work? Nursing? More things one doesn't do with one's genitals.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/26 02:55 AM
2

I actually know quite a few handywomen, women carpenters, large appliance repair women, etc. Women are also present on construction sites - but generally in lower numbers. What's different between these cases? Harassment from men on construction sites.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/26 02:53 AM
7

And yet the physical work of making a child is not born by the father. Talk all you want about seeing things as a couple, but at least acknowledge that it isn't as equal effort.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 02:58 PM
1

I'll admit I wondered. Though I once knew a woman who was into it. 🤷
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 02:50 PM
0

Is this a fetish? Why do you want to do that?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/26 08:51 PM
2

I've always had both male and female friends - hell, when I was a kid, I tended to have more male friends because a lot of my interests were male coded.* I often had a bunch of interest linked male friends, and one or two close female friends. As an adult, it's not the gender, it's the person. And yet, there are still some generalities. I have more close female friends. I mean, I'm lucky in having a lot of friends. And I know a lot of people blame social media for declining real world friendship…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/26 08:46 PM
1

"'A man who wants to gain power over a woman must follow the example of women and condition his sex drive.'" ...and there's your problem, right there. You know, there are pharmacological interventions that will reduce male sex drive.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/26 08:11 PM
-2

Do you mean a blow job, or coming on their face per se?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/26 08:07 PM
2

*I'm not a theist. (I'm not exactly an atheist.) *If I were a theist, I'd be a polytheist and pantheist. *Monotheism strikes me as fairly sinister. As soon as people are convinced that theirs in the one and only god, they are far more likely to be rapacious assholes about it. *The whole messiah thing seems like a particularly juvenile take on religion, even for monotheists. Look, I've seen some Christians who have done a pretty decent job coming up with a version of Christianity that is a religi…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 08:13 PM
1

Is this a riff on the whole it's better to be the ONS than the relationship guy?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 07:45 PM
1

Eh? I wouldn't call myself a boss babe - nor would I have done so in my twenties, had that been the slang of the time. But guys here frequently refer to me as such. (I'm a computer science professor and bio-roboticist. I used to be a software engineer. I'm also a martial artist, which seems to play into things.) In my experience, there is no problem with guys liking me and wanting to date me. They want to spend time together. And they want to take me places and show me off to their friends and f…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 07:44 PM
2

Yes, though I think I read somewhere that the most likely time for cheating, leaving etc is actually ten years.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 07:03 PM
2

Note the inclusion of the word openly. Most transphobes aren't going to let people know about their fetish. Lots of upright church going husbands are out soliciting trans sex workers - but not openly.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 12:27 AM
3

Sure. For either. I dated a trans woman once - she's still a dear friend, but we're pretty sexually incompatible. (Nothing to do with genitalia, BDSM just isn't my thing.) Haven't dated a transman, but I wouldn't rule it out. If a guy had formerly dated a transwoman... I was going to say it would be a nonissue, but unless there was ridiculous drama, I'd put it as a mark in his favor. I mildly prefer bi men, and strongly prefer ones who aren't transphobic. (I'm not saying that not being attracted…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 04:33 PM
-1

Well, there are relatively few male porn stars making porn aimed at women. But seriously, look up "Peter Dinklage sex symbol" - it's definitely a thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 02:53 AM
–

I'm guessing there's a typo - "what is valuable" maybe?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 02:52 AM
-2

He is considered a sex symbol. And... I get it? (I would probably sleep with Tyrion. I don't know Dinklage.)
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 02:42 AM
0

Peter Dinklage
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 02:12 AM
2

I'm from W. WA, so... hm. Duck base, classic pho spices, a little wild ginger, siphium, and some marijiana buds. Or, in season, Psilocybe cyanescens.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 11:33 PM
3

It's just like regular Pho, but with silphium, :-)
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 11:26 PM
0

...you do know that women go through puberty too? He responded with his bit about puberty to my reply to another poster saying "The hating women but wanting to fucking them things is so prevalent." (The s after thing was a typo.) So one would expect that his post would have something to do with that. I don't think puberty makes men hate women.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 11:24 PM
2

I don't mean the whole discussion, I mean the thread he responded to.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 11:23 PM
2

The actual thread you responded to.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 11:22 PM
5

Apparently in a Vietnamese restaurant? Honestly, get me some of that!
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 11:21 PM
4

That was the very subject of the discussion you were responding to.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 10:50 PM
5

Third wave feminism dates back to the eighties, and primarily focuses on how feminism interacts with people from different racial, cultural, ethnic, religious backgrounds other minoritized peoples. (Though also a bouquet of other more specific branches of feminism, including those around transfolks, sex positivity, etc.) I know the manosphere throws these terms around willy-nilly, but they actually mean things, and it's worth learning what they mean before you use them. Otherwise you just look i…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 10:47 PM
6

You are describing some fundamental problems with male culture. But it still does not excuse treating women like a baseball card collection.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 10:42 PM
15

The hating women but wanting to fucking them things is so prevalent.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 10:15 PM
2

I'd support the legal part of marriage being called a civil union, and anything else being left to the churches with the state staying the hell out of it. I would also really prefer more of a menu option, where a couple sat down, ideally with a lawyer, and selected the options around marriage that best suited the both of them.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 09:36 PM
–

A lot of the romantic gestures and such aren't that meaningful to me. (Though I was impressed when my ex cooked for me, early in the relationship. But then, I'm known in my social circle as an excellent cook, and people cooking for me like that was pretty rare.) Flowers? Maybe cut flowers very occasionally - though the flower industry can be creepy. (There's actually a very cool non creepy flower industry in my area, but you see more of that at farmers markets than florists.) Long stemmed roses …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 09:33 PM
–

A strong sense of "fairness" combined with very little actually socialization and understanding of the lives of women.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 09:13 PM
–

"As a guy getting to a place where you have enough self respect to say this is a “one and done” type of thing puts you in an upper tier of men." So I was with you until this bit. Being able to say "This isn't working/good/healthy, I'm out," and sticking with it is a big step on the road to adulthood, which is attractive. But this also sounds like if you getting a woman to sleep with you once, and then ghost her, this magically increases your "SMV" or some such, which is mind games and nonsense.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 07:08 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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