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4st4rt3s-c4ptn Archive

View 1 posts and 35 comments by 4st4rt3s-c4ptn on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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6

4st4rt3s-c4ptn/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 02:48 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

$400/mo, after factoring in $2,800/mo in alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/25 11:22 AM
1

At least they will know appropriate discipline and peace somewhere, thanks to you (I hope =p)
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 01:53 PM
1

My ex lost her mind when I said I wanted 50/50. She said it would be “bad for our kid” and that I “didn’t know what it was like to be divorced”. I got 50/50 in the end, but not after a slew of snide remarks and insults and being accused of not having the best interest of our kid in mind.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 01:51 PM
2

One of the worst things I had to work through was this thought that I had driven her to that behavior. I put all of that stress on my shoulders thinking it was my fault and that I needed to make all the change to fix things. It was a breakthrough for me to realize she was just a dick on her own.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 01:48 PM
2

My ex slowly isolated me from my friends family as well. I didn’t realize how much until I saw a therapist. When I discussed the situation with him, I strained to be as objective as possible. When I recounted that 4-5 disparate friend groups all came to me to say the same things about her: that she belittled me and my family in front of others, talked down to me, and had no interest in working through her own issues, my therapist calmly said: “Sir, this was not all just in your own head.”
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 01:31 PM
6

Yes. Go to therapy.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 06:59 PM
–

I started passively dating around 5 months after the divorce was made known. It was… difficult at first, but got easier. One thing I did was to be very frank with my dating profiles and my situation with any match I got. I made it known I had a kid and I told matches that i was in the mid to late stage of the divorce process. This turned about 60% of matches off. But I accepted that and kept trucking. I met someone I really liked while I was still living in the marital home. Went well for a whil…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 10:36 PM
1

I took an hour walk each night after our kid went to sleep, and called a friend during that walk. That’s what helped me through it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/24 11:57 PM
2

I’m fortunate to have my kid 50/50. My ex and I get on well enough for now, but she tends to be very dramatic for no reason, which makes me worried for my kid when she’s there.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/24 03:46 PM
1

I miss my kid a lot when I don’t have her. But I needed to find something to occupy my mind while she was gone so I could keep my head. Things that have worked for me: - meditation - planning hangouts with friends - Warhammer 40K mini painting - reading sci-fi books Trying to get back into a gym routine, too.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/24 03:43 PM
2

This is a quality comment. Thanks man. Regarding technology: we agreed not give our kid a phone as well. I thought iPads, when properly controlled, would be fine with appropriate apps and strict time limits. She thought any screen time would be bad for her. Recently, I started using an iPad as a reward for good behavior. She would get to play the Bluey game for 15m. When the timer ended, she would let go and hand the iPad back to me. It was magical! She would move on to a regular toy or game and…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 09:42 PM
3

I know that as they get older, they’re going to figure out how to deal with being in two households. But my kid is very young right now, and I worry.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 06:11 PM
4

I like Octino’s take above: each parent’s home is like its own country with its own laws. Gotta draw that line more clearly for the ex very soon
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 03:41 PM
4

This is a good reminder
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 03:40 PM
3

Yea, my ex started to dictate punishments as I was picking up my kid and said if I didn’t carry it out I’m not being “responsible”. I did eventually tell her later in the day that she may not prescribe punishments, only suggest them in future.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 03:40 PM
3

Warhammer 40K miniature painting. It is incredibly relaxing.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 04:32 AM
3

After 6 months of therapy, I recognize the points from my previous marriage that were deleterious for me. I know the green flags to look for now, and the kind of love I want to give and receive. I’m about 3 months out from when my divorce was finalized. Nearly a year from when my ex dropped the bomb. I’m dating a girl now who has the same views on family and togetherness that my ex did not share with me. She is beautiful, fair, asks me about my day (something my ex never did), encourages me to f…
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 12:32 PM
5

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents is an excellent read and may illuminate you as to what might be going on.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 12:38 AM
1

I had similar challenges. My ex was quite judgmental - of me, my family, and my friends. In addition to therapy (which I recommend for any man going through divorce), I found that being in a quiet place, alone, saying out loud my responses to her judgements, into the void, was immensely useful. It helped me: Get it out of my system so I wouldn’t say things to her face, especially in front of our kid, and Remember my value as a person and that I was not what she claimed me to be.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 07:52 PM
3

Fwiw, I was legally separated for a few months and went on a few first dates. I had to stop though - it was too much for me. I ghosted a really sweet girl so I could focus on moving out and complete the process. It helped to have one less thing to worry about. On a positive note, that girl I ghosted picked up the phone when I called her after things settled down. We are still dating!
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 12:42 AM
1

She works hard and pays her own bills, and I think she’s very attractive.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 11:59 AM
1

My new girlfriend has not met my daughter yet. Thats by design - the bar is very high. I want to be pretty sure things work between us before I introduce her to my kid.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 11:30 AM
1

She’s 3 years old and awesome.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 11:15 AM
3

Agreed. My ex had friends in her ear telling her I was “screwing” her in my alimony offers, despite me trying to keep it mostly close to the recommended values. As such, she hired an attorney. Uncontested is nice. But there are very few people going through divorce that are mature enough to talk everything through to save on fees.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 07:11 PM
1

If you are going uncontested, you and your ex can agree to almost anything you want, except for child support. In Florida, you could agree to no alimony if both parties were on board. Uncontested generally means you are not in court, and your lawyer drafts up boiler plate papers taking into account what you and your ex agree to. It is the cheapest form of divorce. But again, it highly depends on both parties being on the same page.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 06:41 PM
2

Resentment can happen on either end. For me, I tried to talk about my feelings, sometimes imperfectly, but my ex refused to engage or accused me of making everything about her. As a result, I became resentful due to unresolved issues that built up over the years. Not just sharing feelings, but also her abject rejection of my family and many of my friends. So, resentment can happen on either side. This is my attempt to be honest about that.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 05:40 PM
2

Same here. I got lucky with my current gf - she said to me it was a green flag that I prioritize my daughter.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 01:31 AM
2

My therapist says only 6% of divorced couples get back together and stay together. I don’t know where he got that stat, but seems legit. Regardless, don’t consider re-entering that relationship without couples therapy. Red flag if she dismisses that out of hand.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 12:25 AM
6

He should not support HER. But he should absolutely support the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 02:52 PM
1

Be up front with whoever you want to date about your situation. Don’t hide It - people will at least respect the honesty. Be prepared for prospects to ghost you after you mention it, tho. Not everyone is about dating someone freshly going through a divorce. I eventually found someone good and kind to spend time with. It did take a while tho.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 03:19 PM
2

I certainly think meeting in real life is preferable. Dating apps can be great too… but there IS a lot of sifting you have to go through to find a gem.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 09:21 PM
3

I downloaded the dating apps to see what life would be like once I found out I was getting divorced. It made me sad at first, but I eventually found someone who was compatible enough to date. Try not to approach it transactionally. There are humans behind those profiles (the real profiles, anyway). You may not hit it off immediately with a date, and you will be tempted to move on to the next one in line. Go slow, date well, and you’ll find someone worth your time and attention.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 09:19 PM
9

My ex wanted an amicable divorce. She wanted “a chance to be happy” after 10 years of marriage and a then 2 year old kid together. (There’s a lot being glossed over here, but that’s the broad strokes). She said I was an excellent father, and that we should tell our good friends the news together. After I started to show signs of moving on a month later, she started labeling me unreliable, a danger to our kid, and began telling false stories to our mutual friends that reinforced those new themes.…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 02:34 AM
3

I’ve received all manner of disparate advice on when and how to start dating again. At the end of the day, we each process our marriages ending differently. For me, a few months of therapy and reconnecting with family and friends was what I needed to feel like I could take the next step. You’ll figure it out, too. As for my situation: was married 10 years, together 12. One 3-year-old daughter. Divorce process began in November of last year, ending this month. She (37/f) wanted it, I (38/m) didn’…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 02:01 AM
2

I’ve just begun seriously dating someone, and so far: yes. She is more emotionally mature than my ex wife, and communicates with me. It’s refreshing, but also too early to make any long term assessments. For context, my ex told me she wanted a divorce late last year. Finally completed it this month. Sometime I’ll tell that story. For the most part, it ended as well as it could: two mediation sessions, fair alimony given our situation, and a 50/50 custody split for our kid.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 09:01 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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