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Accomplished-Bet-883 Archive

View 0 posts and 139 comments by Accomplished-Bet-883 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

I was genuinely happy in my marriage. She was my best friend. We laughed together, shared inside jokes, kissed, hugged, there was real affection. Until I got sick. Until I could no longer be the steady, mellow rock in her world. Then the neuroses that had always plagued her had no opposition. She built herself a terrible narrative and blamed it all on me. Meanwhile I'm so depressed I should've been hospitalized. I let work, hobbies, meds, self-care, everything slide. I never removed my socks for…
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/26 11:52 PM
2

Love the assumption of "failure". It's a two-way street. What, is every woman without fault? Please. The difference is the lying, the using of someone who absolutely trusts you. It's no wonder that people of both genders have to retcon their entire relationships and invent new and exciting ways to victim-blame, because the alternative is to look in the mirror and admit the face looking back belongs to a shitty human being.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/26 11:42 PM
1

Sounds like your MIL is in the initial stages of alzheimers. She's "remembering" things that never happened and your wife is too shocked and in denial to formulate a response. Time to have a "timeout from all distractions" talk with your wife. The sooner treatment begins, the better the prognosis. Denying/ignoring isn't in her mom's best interests.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/26 01:43 AM
1

The part you're describing doesn't take months. What it does is put a person who trusts and believes in you into a position where you're no longer trustworthy. They think you have their best interests at heart but you no longer do. And you let them go on believing this because it's convenient/useful for *you*. You've become a double agent inside your own marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/26 02:26 PM
1

The sitting down and talking part? That sounds about right. See, merely talking is not communicating. Absent physical violence, there's no defense for lying to your alleged loved one for months while you plot their downfall. None. People who do that are lying sacks of shit. Full stop.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 09:25 PM
6

Here's the hard thing. She lied to your face for six months, brother. She could've told you, sat down with you and put in a genuine effort. But she didn't. She just let you go on, fat, dumb and happy.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/26 10:37 PM
5

Psst! Did you know men get alimony too? C'est vrai! She can buy you out of the house, you can sell it and eat the loss, whatever, but she'll on the hook for spousal maintenance for some years. Lawyer up and make yourself into the latest of her terrible financial decisions.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/26 02:58 PM
3

The thing is, you don't have to forgive her. You don't have to be ok with what she did, you just have to become indifferent to her.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/26 02:24 PM
4

Let yourself get into her. Refamiliarize yourself with a woman's body and let your enjoyment show.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 01:20 PM
2

Or they mistakenly thought that was happening and proceeded accordingly without ever verifying.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/26 11:01 PM
-1

Couples therapy/counseling. Show her how much you value your marriage and if you get a good counselor, they can help her realize that nobody goes through a long relationship without having to correct course once in a while.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/26 01:34 PM
1

Eh, 50/50. The squirrels in her head didn't help matters at all.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/26 01:40 PM
2

Yeah, when I look back I know I wasn't the best person. Was I also so depressed I should've been hospitalized? Also yes. Don't get sick, fellas. Especially a mental illness.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/26 01:47 AM
4

Brother, i say this as a child of divorce myself. Don't. Do NOT let your kids think you don't want them. Not for a second. Explain to them. Spend as much time as you can with them. Because feeling like your own dad/mom doesn't even want you is a soul-deep kind of hurt that never heals.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/26 01:29 AM
8

This Become the man you've always wanted to be. The poor bastard she's with will eventually find out he's not perfect, either.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/26 01:14 AM
5

If he owns the house, then yes, he does have the authority to tell you to stay off his porch. Trying to cut him out of parenting will only hurt your kids because, like it or not, he's the one who's *there*. Now, you may not allow him to make medical/schooling decisions, that's purely the prerogative of a blood/adoptive parent, not a boyfriend. But yeah, get used to it. If it's not this guy, it'll be another and the best thing you can do FOR YOUR KIDS (and NOT your own ego) is to figure out a coh…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 07:23 PM
2

She's shown what she values and how well she'll put in the slog-work of raising a child. IE: She won't
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 03:05 PM
1

Because, the times it's come up, I see it in her eyes. No matter how she tries to rewrite history and gaslight herself, she knows she did me dirty.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 12:49 AM
3

We're all in the same shitty club, brother. Here if you need to talk. It's soul-crushing and leaves you feeling like a rat in an electrified maze with no exit. There'll be one. It can take months or years to find it, but you'll come out stronger, more focused and aware of what you truly want and truly need and what truly makes you happy. I heartily second the recommendations for counseling. If for no other reason than to have a professional listener hear you out.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 03:40 PM
3

If it's a community property state, her credit rating is on the line as much as yours. You can try calmly explaining this in person or have your lawyer draw up a certified letter to that effect. You're both going to need that rating as high as possible once you're single.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 03:34 PM
4

You only get one life. That said, you two built something together and owe it to yourselves to do everything you can to reignite the flames. A frank sit-down with no distractions to start, no defensiveness or judging allowed. Be honest but not mean. Counseling can definitely help, especially since it seems neither of you hates the other. Don't allow counseling to become a contest or a pursuit of validation for one and a defense for the other while neither is seeking to improve the relationship i…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 03:29 PM
4

Just for my own self-respect I sent my kids a message saying that the door is always open and haven't said anything since. They're adults. They believe her lies and there's shit-all I can do about it.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 05:44 AM
2

I think by "bite her" they mean the wife will get significantly less than the offer she didn't sign. She might be like my STBXW who filed and began the whole thing, then promptly dropped off radar. Avoidants have a real hard time finalizing anything.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/26 04:12 PM
13

Smooth ain't in the cards, brother. Lawyer up and hunker down because a woman that full of self-entitled rage will come for you like a demon from hell.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 02:39 AM
1

I'm not an authorized user. I can't use it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 03:22 AM
1

I'm referencing a card with a $50k limit that arrived in the mail one day. I'm not an authorized user on it and this is a community property state. Am I on the hook for 25k (potentially)?
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 06:35 PM
1

Surprising how many of us are in the same situation. We had a relationship with our kids (good or bad, it was there) the mom files and without us doing or saying anything. Literally. One day my oldest and I had a nice dinner, I reiterated that she and her husband are welcome anytime to come get her things or to take what she wants of the kitchenware, canned food, pet supplies, whatever. We hugged in the parking lot, then nothing. Not even a "fuck you". It's maddening.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 05:04 PM
1

Send this to her
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 02:07 PM
2

Well, at least it wasn't a surprise to him. Good on you for that, at least.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 05:50 AM
1

Why did you stay those two years? Did you fear violence? See, if you've done all you can. If you've suggested couples counseling, maybe more than suggested, if you've had a clear-the-decks sit down and clearly communicated your needs and he refuses to engage. Leave. Just go. Don't lie to him for two years, let him go along fat, dumb and happy until (from his perspective) his whole world suddenly vaporizes. It's cruel and it's a waste of time.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 11:04 PM
2

What I mean is that it's infinitely easier for a woman to get a date than a man.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 10:57 PM
8

Because they can.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 08:01 PM
1

What if you're not an authorized user and only found out about it because the postal service ignored her change-of-address?
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 11:41 PM
1

I've found that people have very different definitions of forgiveness. Can I let go and genuinely not think about the person who wronged me? Yup. That's different from them earning forgiveness and a trusted place back in my life.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 10:55 PM
1

Quit smoking. Especially around her. During a prenatal checkup, see if you can steer the doctor toward having a chat with her about what her hormones are doing and how they can affect her mood and responses to perfectly ordinary situations.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 08:34 PM
6

You can't erase 30+ years. Of course I still love her. I always will. But I can't trust her and I don't like her anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 12:36 AM
6

My dude, the woman you propose to isn't the one who bears your children. That one isn't the one who goes to their graduation and that one is a memory when she leaves. Failing to predict that future is 0% on me.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 12:02 AM
11

She hired a divorce lawyer in January while suffering from intense pain due to an undiagnosed kidney stone. I basically dragged her to the ER, she got x-rays that confirmed the stone. In early February she had surgery to remove it. I drove her there, drove her home (Taking time off work to do so. A bigger deal than it seems due to the PIP I was on thanks to severe depression taking a toll on my performance.) I nursed her through her recovery, fetched her juices and Gatorade, made every meal acco…
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 12:00 AM
2

Crying for help in Swahili to someone who speaks English gives you no moral high ground. It's tragic, but it's not their fault for not understanding.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 11:48 PM
11

An example of this. My stbxw told me that she's always resented one of our cars (and me) because I left her alone on her birthday to pick it up from the seller. As it happens, I literally have the receipts. Her birthday was on a Friday. That evening us and the kids went out for a nice sushi dinner. At home, we had a cake and she opened her birthday gifts. I flew to get the car early the next day and was home by nightfall. The real kicker is that the next week, for her "big" present, I took her t…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 11:39 PM
1

I try to remember that it was real while it was happening. Her subsequent redactions are irrelevant.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 07:12 PM
12

I'll second much of the advice here. Lawyer up immediately. Separate your money into places only you can access. Do this right now. Like, 'don't finish reading this sentence' right now. Now that your money is safe, begin recording every interaction you have with her if it's a single-consent state. Tell her you're doing it if both parties need to consent to being recorded. You'll need your own recordings because it's highly likely she'll invent terrible things about you in order to gain sole cust…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 02:03 PM
3

Ohhh! SM=Social Media
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 02:49 PM
2

The thing to me is (and it's difficult to get people to understand) is that my happiness really, truly, swear to Cthulhu came from her happiness and that of my kids. I wasn't unhappy. Sure, I was clinically depressed and should've been hospitalized, but that wasn't due to her. She was the source of happiness. Seeing her and my kids smile genuinely made me happy. Now that's gone. The context by which I used to define happiness just vanished overnight and now I'm tasked with building something ent…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 01:22 AM
3

And you'll never see it coming. They'll lie to your face right up until you get that Dear John email.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 01:16 AM
2

Same here. It was like she'd grow closer, more open to working on it when she visited. Then, while we were apart and there was literally no input from me, she'd go back to being avoidant, distant and determined our whole relationship was some kind of emotional gulag with no good times ever, at all.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 01:14 AM
5

This. My stbxw told me that she hated my car because I went and got it on her birthday back in 2013. Turns out I have the fucking receipts. Her birthday was on a Friday. We went out as a family to a nice dinner, complete with cake. Next day i got the car and drove like a madman (ok, i won't lie, I would've driven like that regardless. An M3 from Phoenix to LA? You bet your ass I didn't drop below 100mph until I hit traffic) to get home before dark. Next day we had a bbq and the next week? The ne…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 01:08 AM
3

So many men forget this. It's always been "ours" and still is in a community property state until the petition is filed. That means the house she wants to kick you out of? Ours. The car? Ours. The debts? Likewise ours.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 11:20 PM
5

The nuts and bolts, the minutiae of it all can be overwhelming. Give as much of those things as you can to your lawyer and let them go. Clear your mental/emotional decks as much as you can. Then you can start eating the elephant one bite at a time. Mt stbxw abandoned me two years ago. Just went on a "business trip" and never came home. On 4/12/24 I received a Dear John email and a process server. Oh, and a house filled with 35 years of stuff. Kid's (now grown and moved out) stuff, her stuff, min…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 07:55 AM
3

Trying. I wasn't perfect, I may have been too depressed to see her pain, but she didn't see mine, either. And I didn't lie to her face for months then abandon her. If it's a 'moral high ground' contest. I win.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 10:49 PM
5

That was the hardest thing to accept and internalize. The woman I'd have sworn could never betray me, the one person on Earth (outside my mom) with whom I would trust my life just spent months preparing to stab me in the back. Then proceeded to do it in the most cowardly way possible. I trusted her down to my last cell, my last breath and she betrayed it as cold and callously as Hannibal Lecter. Man, that's a mindfuck and no mistake.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 03:51 AM
2

Similar story to mine. She mentioned the term "ego death" and I was both baffled and hurt. As I understand it, ego death is what torture/brainwashing victims go through. I'm by no means perfect but that seems a massive overstatement or profound redaction because our relationship was loving and supportive. I didn't drag on her, talk down to or about her. Lots of hugs, kisses, cuddling. Yeah, I was a slob and yes, depression turned me into a grumpy hermit. But ego death? Really? Ah, well. Everyone…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/26 03:46 AM
1

Legal separation. Separate finances, separate lives but still on each other's insurance and still technically married
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 05:05 AM
3

Good on you for doing all you could. Divorce should only be a surprise in extremely limited circumstances
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 08:53 PM
4

She's on her way out, brother. I hate to say it but for whatever fucked-up reason you give her the 'ick'. If she isn't cheating on you now, she will be. To be able to say you gave it your all and to honestly give your marriage every chance possible, insist on counseling now. She may be going through perimenopause, which can screw up a woman just as hard as postpartum. If she won't go or won't really engage? Assume it's over. Lawyer up, protect yourself and your parental rights. She's not your wi…
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 02:03 AM
1

The trick is building a new definition of "happy". It used to be her face when you say she's beautiful. It used to be knowing everyone was fed, healthy and knew they're loved. Now all that's just memories. Figuring out what's next, what joy truly is now, that's the adventure.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 01:55 AM
1

I wouldn't go that far. There's some shitty people out there and spouses need a way to GTFO without being beholden to anyone in order to do it. At the same time, we need to keep pushing against the sexism in our courts. No, mom isn't automatically better. No, women aren't automatically the victims of DV. As with anything else, husbands are innocent until proven guilty.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 09:58 PM
2

The more I'm around this sub, the more stories I hear of good women going completely off the rez, the more I think perimenopause/menopause need better diagnosis and treatment. There's got to be a reason the "villain switch" gets flipped so suddenly and hard. I'm sure most of us are keenly aware of the effects unbalanced hormones can have. Women remember childbirth and postpartum, but as a dulled-down recollection. "Oh, my postpartum was terrible! I really wasn't myself." And we're here like "Hon…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 06:55 PM
3

"Fault" is a layered concept. A lot of guys here will agree that if our spouse had just said what she needed out loud in clear language we'd have jumped at the chance to make things better. But she didn't and we all failed Telepathy 101 What isn't often said is that women universally fail that course, too. My STBXW spent a couple years assuming things about me and my behavior (I became a withdrawn, grumpy hermit who no longer wanted to go out, see people or do much of anything but watch TV and s…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 01:58 PM
2

If possible, take her to the cleaners re: finances. Call it hazard pay
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 01:41 AM
2

Turnabout is fair play. My stbxw makes 3x what I do. Best believe she's paying alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 01:38 AM
4

This. Take your half, brother. Insist in roughly equal income post-divorce. Take the alimony, take the child support, take your due and not a dime less.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 12:55 AM
4

I think of it as the matrix in which I used to define happiness. Are my wife and kids happy? Doing well? Fed, clothed, hugged, loved? Great! Then I'm happy. Now, remove that. No wife. No kids. No one. How is "happy" defined? What does it look like now that the old context has simply disappeared? Vanished like a fart in a tornado. It takes a while to build a completely new definition. You can think back to how you thought of it before you met her, but there's problems with that. You aren't 20-som…
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 02:00 AM
1

Stay alive. Most therapists will say their first goal with a divorced man is to just keep him alive. After that we can worry about emotional regulation and self-forgiveness
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 02:02 AM
3

I disagree. Keep it all. Use it against her because as Thor is my witness she'd use it against you.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 01:36 AM
10

No argument here. It's a gut wrenching mindfuck to realize that someone you trusted with your life can just turn on you
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 03:21 PM
9

I asked her to show me her side of our finances. How much in her retirement account, how much credit card debt, etc. She said no. My lawyer told me he can't subpoena the information without an active court case. So I filed.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 11:49 PM
1

And here I was thinking Release Of Information. I could see how you wouldn't want access to his medical records.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 12:42 AM
3

Some of us have, for all practical purposes, been single and celibate for years. Ticktock, time don't stand still and there's things I want to do again.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 11:12 PM
5

They'll do anything but communicate. Especially early enough that a simple course correction would not just save but improve the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 02:34 AM
1

I can't argue one way or the other. Hopefully I'll have a sample size greater than zero soon
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 06:20 PM
1

Separated. Well, that's what I would tell them if I'd met any.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 05:40 PM
2

I'm fine with legal separation. We stay on each other's insurance and remain technically married. That's fine by me. I owe her nothing at this point, it's a purely mercenary decision. If she decides to file for divorce one day, so be it. I pity the poor sod she's doing it for. Hasn't been my circus nor my monkey since she ghosted me in '24.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 01:58 AM
2

Wellbutrin and Trazadone did the trick for me. I was still a vibrating ball of stress but I could finally sleep. I phased out the Wellbutrin after a year, but I still take a Traz at bedtime. Remaining alive is Step One. The absolutely essential thing. Do whatever you have to toward that end, brother. Time will do much of the rest. Of course you have to take advantage of that time.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 06:50 AM
2

This. Nothing is pure bliss all the time. Marriage takes effort and clear communication. Sometimes a third party like a counselor can show you both how to communicate better and be more fulfilled
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 05:01 AM
1

This is where her rashness is going to bite her in the ass. She makes 3.5 times what I do and we've been married over 25 years. My state likes to equalize income between the spouses and after 25 years alimony becomes permanent. You know that Eddie Murphey routine about "Half! I want half, Eddie!" Well I'm going to get my half.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 06:00 PM
1

On Discord or something
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 04:17 AM
1

And conversing with others who get it is way better than the silence
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 07:05 PM
1

You don't have to push it or fight it. Whatever your organic reaction is, go with it
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 07:11 AM
22

You are, in fact, supposed to cry. Something of incomparable importance to you was murdered before your eyes. It's a fucking tragedy and crying is a perfectly normal response. When my stbxw ghosted me I cried at least once every day for 392 days straight. But on Day 393 I was out fishing and camping and woke up on the morning of 394 to realize I hadn't cried once the previous day. Now I have longer and longer streaks where I don't cry. I still think about it and grieve, but the tears aren't as c…
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 02:31 AM
1

The vibe of "it's either perfect or kick her to the curb" is a bit too Sith for me. Sometimes you just need a third party to offer better ways, to make you (both) aware and mindful of how you're acting and why.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/26 09:30 PM
4

Welcome to the shittiest club, brother. There's a point early on where the whole point is to not off yourself. When the pain is so fucking raw suck-starting a .44 seems like a good way out. In that context you talk to the AI, you meditate, run, work out, paint, fish.. whatever it takes to keep waking up tomorrow morning. Without an ounce of shame. Worry about the long term stuff once that "long term" is more certain.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 01:33 AM
1

Fucking brutal, brother. I feel for you and want you to know you can talk anytime. I'm 57 and am discovering, like you, that the marriage I thought we had, the empirically factual events, don't look the same to her now. Did they ever? Was "I love you" and "I'm so lucky to have you" a lie every time? Or has she gaslighted herself into thinking it's always been shitty? That she's never gotten what she needed, you've always been abusive/overbearing/cold/clingy/distant, etc etc et-fucking cetera. It…
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/26 08:31 PM
1

It's not just teenagers. My grown daughters stole my dogs and went no-contact without ever saying why.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/26 07:39 AM
1

It's like they died, but could resurrect themselves at any time...only they don't. The grief process is much the same. The life you thought you had, that you were going to have with her. The woman you trusted with your life has been murdered. And she's the culprit. That's the mindfuck. I remember the first few days after that Dear John email, I was physically hot from stress. I felt like a rat in an electrified maze, my mind just running and running in search of a way out. That feeling eventuall…
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/26 07:27 AM
2

34 years, 28 married
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/26 03:20 AM
1

Good on ya, mate!
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/26 12:23 AM
4

Alas, I just full-on tanked that bullet for 36 years.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/26 12:00 AM
6

About a month. Blindsided as I was and knowing the health problems she'd had immediately before ghosting me, I was convinced she'd come to and realize how badly she'd fucked up. No joy on that front. A couple years on and I find myself glad that the squirrels in her head are no longer my problem.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 11:35 PM
2

I'm at the end of a 36-year relationship (30 married). I'm open to dating any age from 18 up...compatibility is my only criteria.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 11:30 PM
1

Well, mine did individual first, which convinced her to ghost me rather than talk and work on our relationship. Two years on and she's still incapable of being happy.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 12:43 AM
1

Yes, of course. In sickness and in health, right? If her therapy has progressed to where it's possible for her to be happy, I'd be overjoyed to see if we can rebuild
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 01:46 AM
1

For your own sanity, don't ask when it started or what you could have done. Don't dwell on how she was able to lie to your face for a year. Get your own mind right. Look into how you can be a better man, happier and self-realized. Your next relationship will benefit immeasurably. Your ex is gone, dead with a skinwalker in her place. Sort out the business elements as pragmatically as possible and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 02:48 AM
9

I can relate, man. Mine almost literally did that. She went on a "business trip" (actually moved in with her sister) and never came home. She ghosted me from 3/10 to 4/12, when she sent a Dear John email. I could've died and she wouldn't have known for weeks.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/26 01:48 AM
1

Then you put it into a spreadsheet at current value along with everything else, including her stuff. You trade values back and forth until someone owes a few hundred or whatever. They slide that into the overall mutual estate value and divide by two. To determine current value you go shopping for items of the same age/condition.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 04:07 AM
3

There's a difference between irritability and rage. A lot of women can't or won't recognize that.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/26 04:26 AM
3

I feel for you, brother. You're going along thinking it's a rough patch but you'll work through it, that there's still something there. Meanwhile she's already filed AND told the kids behind your back. The woman you loved is dead. There's a skinwalker where she used to be. The thing now is to remember that as you go through the business transaction of divorce. The cleaners, take her to them. The skinwalker deserves no pity.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 10:11 PM
2

"I tried everything" Except clear, plain English.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 03:54 PM
2

This. Therapists are like lawyers. They'll absolutely throw defendant B under the bus in order to get a plea for defendant A (their client). My stbxw ended up recasting our entire 35-year relationship as "unhealthy trauma bonding" and being furious with me for "stealing her life". As though she was just a helpless bystander. (And ignoring two great kids and all the love, laughter and affection we shared) The sad thing is that two years out, she's not any happier or less anxiety-ridden than she w…
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 04:50 PM
3

Care.com You can find a professional caregiver near you who has the skillset you need. They'll even drive you to and from the hospital. It's not cheap of course, but in my case eminently worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 10:34 AM
7

Could be perimenopause. Remember how pregnancy hormones made her completely mental? That but in reverse.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 01:54 AM
1

It does suck. No argument here. The Pain and Anguish diet is horrible but it works. Get yourself set up for success, grab that Bandaid and yank.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 03:56 PM
3

Yes, it is. Especially in the beginning. Here's the thing. Marriage is supposed to be permanent but isn't. The same is true for divorce. Get your shit lined up, get a lawyer and file. It's your future, brother. If it's perimenopause fucking with her brain, you can remarry one day. If this is the real her, then don't. Either way, future-you won't be cursing present-you.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 03:53 PM
1

Depending on what's still there, an estate sale company might be a help. They're used to coming in when Grampa passes away suddenly and organizing/cleaning and selling everything so the house is pretty much empty and ready to put on the market.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 03:49 PM
8

They gaslight themselves into believing whateverthefuck they need to believe in order to make it ok that they left/cheated/whatever. I've caught my own stbxw with that confused/faraway look when I've provably corrected her version of events. The best thing, (also the hardest) is to forget trying to make sense of it. Identify and fix the things about yourself that contributed to the breakdown and keep moving forward. The squirrels in her head are her own.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 03:39 PM
12

This. She ain't your loving wife anymore. She's a fucking doppelganger. Treat her like one. Don't give an inch. In fact, take anything you can. Flip the script and if your lawyer doesn't have the stones for it get a new one.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 03:29 AM
2

It's just so bizarre. You go from a bbq with her and her husband in August of '24 to complete radio silence ever since. There's nothing I could possibly have done.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 10:58 PM
16

Evidently some do. I feel for you, brother. I'm in the same boat. She ghosted me and within a year I went from having a pretty solid relationship with my oldest to now being ghosted by her as well and I have no idea why.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 05:01 PM
3

The good part is that it can be done. He still needs to decide to do it and to follow through, of course. But calling it a lost cause is only accurate in the short term.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 03:44 PM
3

Move back in immediately. Act like she doesn't exist. Follow your lawyer's advice.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 01:14 AM
2

Keep truckin' brother. Don't accept less than your due. Trust that you'll get to a point where you're able to see through clear glasses. Neither dark nor rose. Just what really is.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/25 04:18 AM
2

Exactly. That's the calculating part. She's been preparing for a while, emotionally. She knows you'll be off balance and easy to manipulate when she yoiks the rug.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 05:53 AM
5

Good. Establish that right off the bat. You aren't less than her in any way. Find a lawyer who likes to challenge the sexism inherent to the divorce system. Dads are NOT inferior to moms. Men are NOT just walking ATMs. Equality is equality.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 01:30 AM
17

It's as much your house as hers. Not one bit less. Let her move out.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 12:55 AM
5

You didn't exactly dodge a bullet but at least you aren't spending decades getting away from it
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 01:54 AM
1

If it was a surprise, that's on her. An adult wouldn't throw 18 years away without clearly expressed reasons, expressed well before she checked out. For my money, if nobody even suggested couples counseling, it's on the one doing the leaving.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 01:36 AM
1

If you're asking where you failed, I guarantee you both had a hand in it. That first year (or more) is made of suck. But you can make that 30lbs you lost on the pain&anguish diet be the beginning of a better body, a better outlook. Not only is the ball in your court, the ball, the court and the whole stadium is yours now.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/25 09:39 PM
15

And never stated her case clearly. At best, there were random hints.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/25 09:22 PM
3

I hear ya. Those first "alones" suck balls. Though one thing that's helped is using an estate sale company. I've saved or marked the things I want to keep, given my STBXW and kids time to collect the things they want and the rest goes to the highest bidder or the landfill and I don't care which.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 06:47 PM
3

Username checks out
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 02:23 AM
4

This. End it. If she wants to start over from scratch, evaluate then.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 09:38 PM
6

Think past the horrible part to the better life beyond.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 06:49 PM
4

The high road means doing right by your kids AND yourself. She can go all nasty and emotional and all that, whatever, it's a financial arrangement now, that's all it is. Don't let present-you fuck over future-you. Take all that you and your kids are entitled to.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 06:41 PM
2

That's part of what a third-party is for. My STBW never saw the things I did around the house because they were mostly outside. The lawnwork/landscaping, felling and bucking trees for firewood, car maintenance, home maintenance, toting every heavy thing, fetching every damn thing from wherever, driving everyone everywhere, the list goes on, but it's all invisible to her.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 10:05 PM
2

I watched one of the legal proceedings via Zoom and got that distinct impression from my wife's lawyer. Lots of irrelevant ad hominem attacks designed to make me angry and want to go to war.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 04:58 PM
3

I'll never be able to trust again like I did with her, but I am damn sure not going to my grave having never felt loved again.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 05:00 AM
4

When I first saw this question I thought it was in the context of "How can you stand yourself?"
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 11:28 PM
4

Hell, I'd love the opportunity to talk shit about her. They've all vanished like a fart in a hurricane.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 12:39 PM
5

The second one is easier.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 08:15 PM
2

Let her prove it. People grow apart, it happens. If either of you expected the other not to change, you now know better. 30-plus years together has value. There's no reason to burn it if you don't have to. But check yourself frequently and ask if she's doing the things a friend would do.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 03:57 AM
1

The trick is staying alive and whole long enough to get there. It's such a trip when I think on it. When she ghosted me, I could have died and nobody would've known until...maybe the dogs got out and someone came by to hassle me about it? Would my employer (I work from home) have sent someone around to check on me? FuckifIknow
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 02:58 AM
4

It's too late for us, of course, but if you're a fella coming here because you're wondering...take heed. Maybe you can fix it, maybe you can't. Maybe you're better off not trying and getting your financial/legal shit together while she's still auditioning for an Oscar.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 02:48 AM
23

And remember, she lied to your face for weeks if not months. Can you, dare you, trust a creature like that again?
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 12:28 AM
3

She lied to my face for months. Used me for a nursemaid while she was sick and ended it with a fucking email
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/25 05:39 AM
7

This. Let her live in a van.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 05:50 AM
1

Both. Give it your best shot but prepare for war.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/25 12:17 AM
1

You don't know what you got 'till it's gone. Tell her you realize the stakes and now that you're consciously aware, that behavior cannot repeat.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 09:13 PM
5

She sounds like she needs a GAL
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 12:14 AM
5

You hit it with the learning angle. I don't intend to die without experiencing love and intimacy again. I want that second go-round to be better, which means I'd do well to learn what I did to contribute to the disintegration of my marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 05:16 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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