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AdrianInLimbo Archive

View 3 posts and 367 comments by AdrianInLimbo on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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7

Sounds like she's their "Unicorn"
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 01:49 PM
7

This. I'm not even looking for any serious relationship, 4 years out from the split. It's nice not having to worry about keeping someone else happy.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 09:12 AM
3

Nah, fuck it. She earned that.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 08:33 PM
1

And laws that push for accountability in divorce laws and/or child custody are called out as "Anti-woman" or "dangerous to women". I have no argument with "No fault" divorce laws, nobody should need "permission" to split. But "fault" should be very much a part of custody and alimony decisions, and most of the time, it's not, unless Dad fucked around, walked out, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 10:58 AM
1

It also turned into a "Well, if the dad hadn't left the kids..." Like they all chose to leave, lol
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 10:55 AM
7

It takes time, 45 days is "early days". Take each day as one more day closer to being better. You will get there.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 06:29 PM
18

The real translation is: "The judge ain't buying my bullshit. Just send money"
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 04:54 PM
2

Mine went over the side of the Ambassador Bridge into the Detroit River, ,driving home from work one night, between Detroit and Canada.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 09:29 PM
9

Yes go for everything, she would if the tables were turned.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 08:53 AM
1

Yep. Give it time, it WILL get better.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 04:27 PM
7

This. BPD, especially when the person suffering it refuses to acknowledge they have it, is a mother fucker. Daily life was like working for a bomb squad, and every moment was like getting ready to cut the blue wire, praying it wouldn't explode.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 04:27 PM
6

As far as the sanity and being happy with my life.... YES. No more of her bullshit, cheating or lies. Single life is fucking great. Just found out last night that some other shit she pulled is being dismissed, so I will officially have my life back and be able to move back across a border she can't cross.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 04:25 PM
16

Don't forget, you're probably a "Narcissist", as well :)
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 08:55 AM
7

Mine pulled this as well. I'm more than $20k in attorney fees just working to clear my name, not even counting the divorce. The accusations about my daughter ended income being found not guilty, and the judge eviscerated my ex and the prosecutor for even allowing it to come to trial. I only wish the ex had been in the courtroom for his decision, but she was a witness, and not allowed, and didn't even testify . The accusations about my ex are still slow rolling through court, because the prosecut…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 07:35 AM
1

Mine used it as the basis for false assault allegations when she decided it was time for her to have the house and kids when we were separating.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 10:10 AM
9

Sleep in a different room. Trust me. You don't need any false allegations for anything she might accuse you of "doing" in your sleep.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 08:11 AM
6

"No thanks, I'd like to avoid the jail time involved with being around you"
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 06:47 AM
6

Someday, we'll be able to get justice in court for false allegations. For now, we just spend a lot of money to clear our names, and they get away with it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 09:32 AM
1

No matter how soul cruising this feels right now, It does get better, it honestly takes time.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/24 12:40 AM
6

Yeah, mine can't be single, she's not wired for it and has to have the next branch in hand before cutting the previous branch from the tree.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 04:01 PM
12

Pretty much on target, give or take a few differences from couple to couple. But especially the fact that they've moved on well before telling you they have, and all men are "Narcissists", those are almost universal now
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 04:00 PM
2

Guys, I've been doing a journal of the end of my marriage the continuing legal process since then (4 years). It's involved her cheating, false accusations of violence etc. One criminal court case is done (not guilty) and the second is delayed while we "get permission" to mention her affairs in court. As soon as it's finished, I'm posting everything. This has been 4 years of shit that nobody would believe could happen, hell, of it wasn't so crazy, I'd sell the movie rights, but no producers would…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 07:01 AM
6

Don't be shocked, it's looked at as an easy target nowadays, for women to use abuse accusations as a weapon.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 01:10 PM
2

Mine pulled the same shit. Also tried to accuse me of assaulting my daughter. The case with my daughter is done, found not guilty. The trial for wife BS starts friday, between lying about cancer, heart problems, everything really, and all of the affairs, I never hit her, In fact she accused me of doing it in my sleep. Yes, I called her names when things were dying. and regret that, but watching my lawyer take her apart will be worth the wait.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 01:09 PM
2

Exactly. My ex has cost me over 20k in legal fees over false allegations. Round 1 done, not guilty, round 2 later this week. Not seeing any friendship down the line.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 07:33 AM
3

Yep. When they play the game of false charges NEVER trust them again. You can't afford to. Gray rock and block, other than parenting issues though a dedicated messaging app
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 07:32 AM
4

If it's something like her breaking no contact orders, perjury on her divorce questionnaire, withholding kids, prior legal troubles, bring it up in court. On the record. No texts, calls, emails. Anything that legally can bite her in the ass, you can't handle on your own. Let the court and your lawyer go after her, and DON'T warn her what's coming
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 12:12 AM
10

That's the way it works. She'll, likely, cheat on him at some point too. Gray rock and ignore, except for kid related issues.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 09:52 PM
2

Because, potentially, her income goes down as a new mother?
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 06:20 PM
23

She wants to "Be free to be her", but keep you around as her buddy and her ATM. Fuck that. It's a business transaction now.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 09:28 AM
2

Yep, half the week is great compared to my ex giving me 2 days every other weekend and recently made it 1 day the other two weekends. We're going to court soon, and the remaining kid is almost 17, so I'll move for the judge to let my son decide about more time
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 07:52 AM
1

Exactly
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 01:40 PM
2

Does your house have a garage with space to put her stuff in it? Time to make your house "yours" and get he shit out of sight and out of mind.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 10:05 AM
2

But, hey, she's living her "Best Life" as a "Srong Independent Woman". To them that means you're supposed to suffer in poverty while they get to play the swinging single girl.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 10:04 AM
8

Mine pulled this Saturday. Didn't get an answer quickly enough to a question. Started texting the kids and then sent another text, "I'm not getting any responses to messages. I'm coming over to check on you". Uh. No. No you're not
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 08:23 AM
13

Make a detailed list of what she's taken from the house, any money she's taken from accounts. Also, any passwords and credit cards of accounts that are yours, that she's accessed (not joint) need to be changed and and cards replaced with new numbers.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 08:19 AM
1

Closure is sort of a fantasy. She's not going to sincerely own up to her part of what ended things, even if you do. If there was cheating on her part, she'll DEFINITELY not come clean. Like was said above, acceptance of the demise of the marriage is what you need. Accept it, recognize you're better off without her and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/24 07:37 AM
2

You're probably onto something with this. Then again, they'd just find a way to take, at least, half of whatever it pays out to you.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 12:23 PM
2

Exactly. Independent of everything but the Ex-husband's paycheck, assets and sanity.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 08:36 AM
6

Strong Independent Women™ don't do that
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 08:28 AM
1

This. Unfortunately OPs kids are kind of young, My Ex is in Canada, dodging legal problems from the US. I told mine (they were older) that if the Ex tried to get them in an airport, or on a plane to The UK (She's dual US/UK citizen) to scream bloody murder and scream kidnapping, human trafficking etc. And I had them memorize my cell number to be able to have police or customs call. Never trust a woman who is unstable or cornered.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 02:59 PM
1

BE CAREFUL. Do not allow the kids to have a US passport (both parents must sign the application), but the bigger problem is if she gets them a French passport, as I'm sure she'd be able to fake any required approval from the father or falsify who the father even is. If she gets those kids outside the US, you're screwed, pending tons of court, police, foreign police, embassies etc. She's already showed that she will try to take the kids from school or school activities, she is dangerous.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 02:55 PM
5

Possibly, but again, marital assets. Let the judge decide how much she keeps.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 08:17 AM
10

Marital assets are marital assets, whether in a bank account, investments or cash. He should take the 30k and deposit it in the bank, as she's hiding it for some reason. Once in the bank its part of discovery in the divorce and he gets his cut.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 08:11 AM
6

This goes away. I'm 3 1/2 years out from splitting, I'm at the point where I don't even have any I'll will towards the last guy she was with (she lives with him know), if anything I pity him a bit. The jealousy is pretty normal. It'll get better. Don't let it drive you and don't act on it, she's not your problem anymore
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/24 01:50 PM
2

Exactly. The pain goes away, and in it's place you're left with the lessons learned.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/24 02:40 PM
8

Yep, hindisght is always 20/20. Unfortunately, when you get cheated on, most times the first thought is "I gotta save this". I did it, too. No, nothing to save, the one who cheated destroyed any chance of that. 4 years out from the final split, emotionally, I'm a new man. Yes, there are regrets. Yes, there are moments where memories trigger a sense of loss. But you know what? I no longer give a damn who she's banging while I'm at work. My son is old enough to understand the situation and wants t…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/24 10:01 AM
4

You handled it perfectly. Congrats on being well along the journey to regaining your life.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/24 09:55 AM
6

The false abuse allegations are a literal slap in the face to women (and men) legitimately going through abuse. False accusations have no real repercussions, they should.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 04:16 PM
2

Yep, DEFINITELY red flags
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 04:15 PM
12

Meh. It's their way to paint themselves as the shining light in the conflict. Their lies and fantasies about made up abuse, diagnosing personality disorders by reading Reddit and banging some new guy(s) to "Live their best life ™" are all part of a pattern.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 04:14 PM
2

It depends what kind of emergency support order she gets. A judge can simply order him to pay the bills, child support, spousal support, and, oh yeah, find a new place to live while she sits on her ass in the house.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 05:42 PM
2

I have 2 cases from the ex where she filed false charges from back in 2020 when we were about to split (Thanks for slowing the courts to a crawl, COVID) In the first, which just went to court recently, the judge called her out in his verdict (which she didn't hear, as she was a witness and not allowed in the courtroom for any other part of the trial) for playing "fast and loose" with her stories and statement. The second case will be heard in June. No, they don't do shit to them for their lies, …
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 05:41 PM
4

Hold tight. If you're the primary caregiver/stay at home dad, talk to an attorney about custody, child support and alimony. Don't move out right away. Get advice.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/24 06:18 PM
5

You're still early in. You're going to have these moments, on and off, for a bit. I'm 3.5.years out, and don't miss her anymore. I do have the occasional nightmares about her cheating and such, and wake up pissed off, but day to day, she doesn't take up any space in my mind. You'll get there, I promise
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 10:48 PM
2

Yes. Someone in my immediate family has been diagnosed with it. It manifests very differently from person to person, and can be present, and noticed for years, before being diagnosed. The person I know with it seems to be doing pretty well now that they're medicated.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 11:15 AM
7

One, you're Dad, no matter who her flavor of the month is. Two, any man can be a father. It takes someone special to be Dad. Three, you got this, with 50/50 just be there for the kids. Don't even ask about boyfriends, etc, to the kids. Trust me, she might actually be hoping you do, asa "fuck you, I'm dating" so don't give her the satisfaction. Only communicate about the kids with her, and gray rock about personal lives. And let your kids time with you be their safe and stable time to be kids.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 09:09 AM
2

With a 529, iirc, there is very little room for "Funny business" as long as the kid goes to a school that it it can pay for.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 10:50 AM
6

As much as men are derided for being impulsive or not emotionally invested enough, we're not the ones who (generally) catch feelings and skip off to the next fuck buddy at the drip of a hat, and blow up our families. We fuck up and get too invested and too comfortable in our marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 12:15 PM
3

Unfortunately, marriage is now like a job. And the saying for jobs applies here.... Only keep enough personal items at work that you can fit in one box when you're asked to leave
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 12:13 PM
11

"what are your plans for picking up (Son)?" Translation, "I'm not dropping him off even though you work all day from 5 am, and I don't do shit" I'm pretty.much free of her in a year once the last kid leaves and moves in with me at 18 and we move back to the US. And since she can't re-enter the US (Owes her first husband $50k in Child support ) I'll never see her again, thank God.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 01:33 AM
1

My youngest is 17 this year, and planning to live in with me next summer, before she kicks him out like she did her sister at almost 18.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 01:30 AM
1

Funny part was, that wasn't the ring tone, it just happened to come up in my playlist of about 600 songs and about 30nsec later she texted me, lol.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 01:28 AM
4

It was just so perfect, lol. The universe works in mysterious ways. Mine HATED the song "If you could read my mind" by Gordon Lightfoot, must have struck a nerve with her cheating ass.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 01:27 AM
6

The star wars imperial march works, too
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 01:26 AM
4

Jesus, so you technically have to stay married to her, pay the mortgage, provide healthcare, and now probably get stuck with the costs of "maintenance" like termites and HOA fees? She got a good deal.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 07:59 PM
8

In my case, I don't look at it as being "alone". I look at it as being "free" from the emotional abuse and manipulation of a serial cheater.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 01:58 PM
6

I'm seeing a woman I met thru work (not a coworker). She's fresh out of a fucked up divorce, as well. We get together once in awhile to scratch the itch, and that's all. No partner hunt for me, lol.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 01:48 PM
5

First, don't look for a "partner", not yet at least. Look for someone to spend some time with or have some fun with, if need be. But you're setting yourself up too quickly for more bullshit.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 01:47 PM
5

"Sorry. The new person I'm seeing asked me to help her with some yard work and then we're going out of town for the rest of the weekend"
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 08:14 AM
5

It'll pick up. Once your self esteem comes back, that's noticable, and you'll do better meeting women
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 06:06 PM
10

And, she probably had already "gotten over" you before dropping the bombshell, so she had a head start on getting over you. Not trying to be too blunt, but it is what it is, sorry, I know it hurts. I promise, it DOES get better, even if it seems like it never will right now.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 09:53 PM
3

And, to a point, she probably craves seeing you grovel and beg. Grey rock is truly the answer, and it may piss her off as a bonus.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 11:54 AM
1

This. There's an actual moment where it (The feeling of "loss") flips off, at least there was for me.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 11:52 AM
1

Not employed by the same company, just work in the same place, trust me, I'm pretty risky averse nowadays.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 09:31 AM
8

Not gonna "Date". It's been 3.5 years since the split, and I've met a woman thru work, in a similar situation (Fucked up ex). We get together occasionally to take care of things for each other when we can. No pressure, no codependency and no bullshit. The way we both want it. No meeting each other's kids, no living together, just enjoy each other's company and help scratch the itch when we need to.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/24 03:59 PM
7

Almost 4 years so far. I have a woman I met thru work, in a similar situation from a fucked up divorce, where we fill each other's needs here and there, in good with that and nothing more after the shit show of my marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 06:03 PM
1

THIS
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 11:08 AM
5

Almost 4 years out from the split, it DOES get better. Gotta take your time, take your lumps and grow.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 11:04 AM
2

Yeah, my ex can't be alone. She the perfect example of a monkey brancher. I'm good being single, not out randomly dating or ever looking for a live in partner again. I have a work "friend", she's a single mom who went thru a lot with her ex, and doesn't ever want to get married again either. It's casual, we grab a meal or drink once in a while and we help each other thru the lonely, horny, moments, and then its back to friends and co-workers. I never thought I'd do the FWB thing, but it's nice t…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 08:57 AM
5

Yep, I was also the one that was cramping my ex's dating. Whatta dick, lol.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 08:52 AM
3

Mine told the kids that she's not sorry in in the least for her affairs (even though every one has ended in disaster). Kids aren't big fans of her, lol.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 08:51 AM
3

Lol, they'll admit nothing, it's our fault, according to them.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 08:50 AM
11

Yes, they believe every single word, and expect you to as well. My youngest kid turns 18 in a year. He's the last one with her, and he's already decided to move in with me upon graduation, and we're all (Me and the kids) moving back to Florida, from Canada. I'll never speak another word to her again once that's done. And judging by her track record with cutting her own kids off, neither will the kids. It's a shame.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 08:49 AM
4

This. The times I was "ready", I tried to write the letters and couldn't do it. It got me thru another day.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 08:41 AM
2

I was exactly where you are almost 4 years ago. She was sleeping with the neighbor. Spending the night there while I was at home with the kids. My world, and out kids world, was blown up Today I'm happier, I have one of my kids living with me, and dontnhsve to worry about what, or who, she is doing. You'll get thru this. Get therapy through your employee assistance program, if available. Work on yourself and recognize she did this and she's the problem. You can do this.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 08:40 AM
3

Especially if all this came to a head after the wife found out about the house. She, probably, see that you'll have 2 houses as part of the marital assets, and she will get 1, at the very least or get one plus cash out of the second. Be careful to avoid getting trapped into false accusations, be careful to not let her get her hands on your mom's house.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 11:02 PM
1

Don't do the house deal till after the divorce. Whatever Mom has to do (Hold on to it, or find a legal way to isolate it from your assets before the divorce is final)
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 11:00 PM
2

And she's probably reaching for a different branch since that one fell thru.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 10:58 PM
2

If mom is simply signing it over or selling for a token amount to him, I'd wager she could wait.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 10:57 PM
6

Or, have your mom hold off on giving you the house, until you decide if you're divorcing. Possibly it can go into a trust for a bit or to another relative, temporarily, with the understanding it'll go to you later, or stay in Mom's name till things sort out
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 10:56 PM
4

My ex can't legally go where my "friend" lives due to immigration stuff, I'm safe'ish.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 12:30 AM
3

Exactly, time for her to re-arm and regroup.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 12:29 AM
3

Not too far off. They get to start the "New Life!", we don't. If we do..... Watch out. I make sure mine doesn't know shit about my personal life. No Facebook, social media where she can try to put things together about whom I melight be seeing or interested in...
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 12:28 AM
1

You won't be. You're still in the shock phase where you keep looking down at the bullet holes in your chest thinking "What happened". Next comes the pain. Then comes the healing.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 10:28 AM
7

Well, you were he "forever soul mate", till you weren't . New guy is now her "forever soul mate", till he's not. Rinse and repeat.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 10:26 AM
5

She's his problem now, not the OPs problem
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 02:41 PM
3

This. Don't respond or engage with any messages that are passive aggressive attempts at starting a fight. Only discuss legitimate things regarding the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 02:40 PM
16

It's what they do. When a wife monkey branches, it's them "Being their best self", "Finding themselves" etc A man does it "Cheater", "Narcissist", etc. The women who cheat are just as shitty as the men who do it, and the sooner that women cheating have the same consequences as men who cheat (financial, custody, loss of assets) the better.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 02:39 PM
5

Made sure my daughter, who lives with me, had a nice day.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 11:16 AM
3

Wow, I'm shocked the judge didn't rule in her favor, just for the "refreshing honesty" in her admitting she just wanted to destroy you. /S Congrats, good win for you!
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 10:26 AM
2

This. Remember your kids on this Valentine's day, especially if the Ex won't remember to do something for them.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 01:57 PM
4

I'm almost 4 years out. I've worked on myself, have one of my kids with me full time, and she's living with the idiot who thinks he "won". Except she refuses to work, probably cheats on him and seems to still be miserable. Think I came out ahead.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 09:54 AM
7

No, you don't give her another shot. She cheated, got dumped and now wants to use you to monkey branch again. Move on, work on yourself and kids and let her learn the consequences of her selfish actions.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 09:38 AM
4

If you can hang out as a family, and not get sucked into any BS, then great. It all depends on the situation
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 01:38 PM
2

Yep
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 09:50 AM
2

Mine ended up on that one, after the doing her "boot camp" at Dead Bedrooms. DB is like Tinder, Adultery sub is where they go to brag
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 09:49 AM
1

She sounds very devout.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 09:48 AM
3

Yep, it's a hookup subreddit, buried in a "group therapy" subreddit. The Adultery subreddit is just fucking disgusting
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 02:45 PM
16

And, props for taking the term "Living my best life". They use it as a justification for blowing up a family, time we use it to recognize the men left behind deserve their best life, too
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 12:38 PM
3

Mine brought a guy home, while I was out of town, in front of my kids. She denied it with: He's Gay. They were just wrapping presents in our bedroom. The sounds the kids heard was the TV. Yeah, I talked to him later, all 3 were lies. Shocker
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 09:49 AM
3

Her affairs caused our "Dead Bedroom". I just didn't want sloppy seconds. Then she went on the Dead Bedrooms sub and found another guy to bang, lol.. It took my therapist explaining to me why I, subconsciously, didn't want sex with her, to realize the dead bedroom wasn't all my fault.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 09:48 AM
6

Mine got PISSED when I went to get an STD test after finding out about one of her affairs. Like it was a slight towards her, lol.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 09:45 AM
5

Oh, each time it happened, I knew. Small changes would occur. Of course she never admitted it, and to this day, the final one (who she moved in with) is a friend. Good riddance to bad rubbish. My life, while tough at times, is so much better now. I don't worry about who/what she's doing while I'm at work. One of my kids was sent to live with me, and she's doing much better, and the other will graduate in a year, and escape that toxic life.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 09:44 AM
1

WTAF? First, why do these "Transport Services" not have any sort of regulation. These are the same organizations thst will involuntarily take a person to rehab, etc. on the request of a parent. So this "mother" had the kids kidnapped and taken to a "reunification camp" (again, where the fuck did this come from?). Like was said above, could you imagine if a dad did this?
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 10:42 AM
2

Yep. I can tell how things are going with mine and the neighbor she hooked up with based on her attitude, as well.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 10:04 AM
0

Honestly, it's just a better written version of, "I got screwed in the divorce." He just was more thorough in his description.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 09:29 AM
6

Yep, heavy clean once or twice a week, and just normal daily dishes and stuff. And that's with one of my kids full time, and the other on weekends only.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 05:05 PM
1

Same here. After the shady shit the ex did over the years, I wouldn't be shocked if 1 wasn't "mine". But after all these years, I've raised them, they're mine. I pray either they, or I don't ever need a transplant ad we have to get tested, but for now, I don't need/want to know.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 12:15 PM
3

T H I S! For all the drama my ex has with her current, whatever he is, I don't have any bullshit in my life now. I've got one of the kids, she sent to live with me to be able to rent the room out. My son graduates in about a year, and he and my daughter living with me want to move back to Florida, so it'll be bye bye Canadian winter, hello Florida. The lawyer I have for the false accusations my wife made is a literal pit bull, and that crap will be done by this summer. It's nice to look back at …
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 11:32 AM
4

Talk to a divorce attorney about your situation, (Finances, kids, assets, debts, etc) and what a divorce "could" look like.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 11:13 AM
5

Yep, self awareness seems to go out the window. Just be the best Dad you can be, and try to lessen the blow to the kids if/when she decides they're too much and she needs time to "be her".
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 06:24 PM
6

She's back into her "Teenager with a crush" phase. Just stay out of the way, and be there for the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 05:49 PM
5

She doesn't seem to "see" them. She's merely pissed that the consequences are keeping her from being "her best self".
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 05:45 PM
10

Next complaint will be "all my girlfriends that recommend that I get divorced, like they did, have time for wine dates and spa days, why don't I?"
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 05:44 PM
9

Lol. They get the all important "custodial parent" status, but complain that it doesn't allow them to be "their own person" because they have to parent. Fucking rich.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 05:43 PM
2

Yeah the markup is insane on that crap. Fuck "Two months salary shows you love her". Two months salary is nothing compared to the shit you end up going thru, lol.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 03:21 PM
2

It, apparently, meant more to you, at least when it came to her trip. Not your problem anymore
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 03:18 PM
2

Or they stop wearing it, when not at home, before they separate
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 02:37 PM
3

What sucks is if it's a family heirloom, or similar, but otherwise, fuck the ring.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 02:36 PM
5

Amazing how her wine girlfriends couldn't make it for any of the heavy lifting but probably "We're with you in spirit, girlfriend, if he looks at you funny. Call the police!"
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 11:10 AM
2

Or the new fat friend "wing woman" who "Just know you can do better, babe"
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 09:49 AM
3

It's never free. Look at divorce, you were on a long term lease with a large final installment plan payment at the end.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 09:48 AM
1

Meh, when he kicks, she'll take her inheritance and move on. You think she'll sit around in a black dress mourning?
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 09:47 AM
1

I know. I'm not even going to blow sunshine up your ass, it sucks. All you can do, is try to maintain a relationship, you can't force it. Maintain the relationship with your middle daughter, and nurture it. Hopefully the others come back.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 10:01 AM
29

You've heard of the term "What's good for the goose is good for the gander"? Start the narrative among your acquaintances that she's abusive. Start keeping a journal of her abuse. Contact them police anytime you feel unsafe and finally, file for divorce and file for an order of protection so that you can stay in the house with custody of the kids. Also request emergency orders of support. It's their playbook, time to take it from them
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 09:17 AM
15

My oldest daughter got sucked into my Ex's narc bullshit, it sucks, we were always very close. My middle daughter didn't, so the ex sent her to live with me and rented her room out, lol.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 03:43 PM
6

Same. Got off antidepressants after the split, haven't needed them again.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 10:55 AM
4

Whatever happens for her, good or bad, is on her, live for you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 05:12 PM
4

It goes on for a while. I'm a couple years out, doing well overall, and still have the occasional wife/AP nightmares. Just remember, she's doing, or going to do, the same shitty things to him, they she did to you. She's the same shitty person, just someone else's problem now.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 01:47 PM
1

Lol, yep, I wondered the same thing. If I was so terrible, why keep my name?
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 10:19 AM
2

If you know for sure she's driving under the influence at some point, report it. It's your duty as a member of society to.report a crime.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 10:08 AM
3

All of the bad traits you've discovered about her.... He's gotta deal with them now.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 10:06 AM
8

You know the big tall square plastic tubs that 5 gal or so of cat litter come in? Perfect bathroom wastebasket.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 08:02 PM
8

And have to pay that "roommate" for years and years, after they leave, under court order.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 08:01 PM
1

Just do you, today. Let her celebrate her birthday, or wallow in sorrow about it, but you don't have to worry about it. Take it one day at a time, and start doing the things YOU want and need to do for you. You've got this.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 03:52 PM
12

They suck a little less with each passing year. The first one for me was utter shit. Living in a motel, 2 months out of the world exploding. I had the kids for the day, heard about the ring her "friend bought her" and that crap. But we bought Chinese food, they opened their couple presents I could get them, and it snowed, and we saw a deer across the street from the motel. It's the little things that you have to grab onto . Start your own new traditions. Find little things that make it special f…
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 10:46 AM
7

Meh, she'll only be god-fearing until she gets bored, feels unfulfilled, or finds a new guy that tickles her.... Fancy
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 06:47 PM
3

Shake his hand, look him in the eye, and say "Man, sorry". Down the line, he'll know what you meant.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 09:01 PM
2

Exactly. It's soul crushing to tell your lawyer you have irrefutable proof of an affair only to be told, "doesn't matter, She gets full custody and alimony".
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 04:58 PM
2

Mandatory Pre-Nups wouldn't last. Of course the wife will have a reason to get support, at least in the court's eyes. 50/50 would get taken away as soon as the wife makes the, now obligatory, accusations of the father being unfit.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 04:57 PM
4

Nope, you've got your answer. Get a chainsaw and cut the monkey branch off of the tree. She thinks she's going to play you and keep you in arms reach while she tries to set up the next thing. Let her be alone, she won't like it, and you get to have closure first.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 05:32 PM
1

Other than some residual legal issues being resolved, m life is much better being single. From the early days of just wanting to end my life, to now, where my daughter and I have a nice place, my son is over every weekend, longer if he can. It's better. Financially it sucks giving up a third of my pay every week, but I look at it as the price of getting my freedom.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 09:08 AM
2

She's already shown that she intends Ill will towards you. Don't lie down and take it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/23 02:21 PM
2

Keep fighting, it gets better
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/23 07:36 PM
2

So her couple months, long distance fling with Sargent Bilko in Hawaii gave her more tight to take the kids half way around the world than for you, in a 3 year stable relationship. FML
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 05:37 PM
3

They're literally looking at their future breakup, but don't see it, lol.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/23 08:10 PM
3

Best answer to "I'm dating your ex" is "I'm sorry"
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/23 08:10 PM
6

It was an accident, "honest". Tungsten and Carbon Fiber won't put a dent in the Detroit River, pollution wise, any way, lol. Might be an improvement.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 11:36 AM
17

You need to extricate yourself from her game of "playing loving spouses" when she wants to look good, and then getting out of the way when she's "being her best self". Seperation and building a firewall are necessary. It doesn't seem like it when you are early in to the process. You'll feel like "maybe it'll get better, maybe we can fix it". Nope. She wants a split and a divorce, give her the complete experience immediately. It'll be better for you to start to heal and better for her to see the …
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 11:28 AM
14

Mine accidentally ended up in the Detroit River some time back. It was the damnedest thing.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 11:11 AM
2

Tell the lawyer, no deal. Keep the no contact in place indefinitely, for your protection.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 10:13 AM
1

Also, saying "mean things" about her affair partner is "Abusive", lol And, no matter how much money you send, "Daddy doesn't send any money"
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 10:11 AM
2

You're right. I actually enjoy the quick clean ios during the week and the big clean on Sunday morning, the sense of accomplishment is nice, and looking around a clean, organized house is nice.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 09:27 AM
1

Telling a judge you were not found guilty of Domestic Violence is a factual statement. The judge was wrong for correcting it if OP was found "Not Guilty". OP didn't say "innocent", and the judge was a dick for saying "Not Guilty" doesn't mean he didn't do it". But that's the world we live in.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 09:25 AM
5

Wow, so much to unpack, but she sounds 95% like my ex. Girls Trip/Genealogy Trip, what a stretch to hide a vacation with some guy. From the number of affair partners (7, I know of and the final one was the next door neighbor whom she now lives with), to lying about being a nurse (mine has 1 semester of community college before I met her, she told me she was a nurse and had a master's degree,lol). Fake cancer, multiple times (she did legitimately have breast cancer once, but that's the only incid…
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 09:16 AM
2

I lost all of my tools (years worth of them from being a racing mechanic and working in automotive quality management), some watches (not overly expensive, but sentimental), a large scale Formula One car model. TV, sound bar and PS4 (were fathers day and Christmas presents). My half of the furniture in the house, the 2 mattresses she gaveback she wants 400 for, lol. Luckily, my son warned me when she was about to sell my collection of books that were worth a bunch of money, and she was selling a…
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/23 10:24 PM
12

Keeping up that text string with the affair partner takes a lot of the day, lol
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 08:41 PM
3

I enjoy keeping my place clean for myself and my daughter, she helps as well. I can understand that, yeah, if you're a SAHM, doing the cooking, cleaning and child care can be mind-numbing. But it shouldn't necessitate tens of thousands in alimony as "reparations". As a bonus, I can put up the posters, car parts and models from my racing mechanic days wherever I want in the house, lol
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 08:40 PM
1

Or, go to your provider and see if you can port the number to a prepaid sim, and prepay a month and tell her she's on her own next month.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 02:03 AM
7

Hey! She's a "Strong, Independent Woman" living at her parents with her "Emotional Affair Partner". LOL I'd say she's acting like a teenager, but teenagers are more mature than her, likely.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 08:45 AM
3

He sounds like a real winner, moving in with her at her parents house. They must be so proud. You "won", trust me.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 08:42 AM
9

Don't let it get to you, she's his problem now. The best revenge is that he has to deal with all of her shit, and you don't.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 08:41 AM
5

Yep, they fear not having the next victim lined up to attach to before they cut you loose. Most of these "Strong, independent women" sure don't want to be alone.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 12:03 PM
6

Yep, mine got pissed at getting caught, lol. Remorse never enters the picture with these narcs, it's all about them She's someone else's problem, get out while you can.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 09:30 AM
2

Go ahead and call the local police, let them know what's up, that you're going to the house to get your things, let em know there's no restraining order, etc. but that she's combative. They MIGHT offer to have an officer oversee the exchange, if they have time and availability.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 11:11 AM
1

Get a PO box, lock down the phone, get her off of your plan if she's on it, change your direct deposit, as well, give her your agreed upon share of expenses by check. Seriously, treat it like you're a renter there.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 02:23 PM
1

Yep, mine suggested during the week the pandemic went crazy, and things shutting down that I definitely take the 2 week road trip work was offering, lol. She was a busy girl those 2 weeks with the neighbor. And when she stopped bitching about my weekend racing mechanic gig (7 or 8 weekends a year) I knew why....
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 09:18 AM
6

It's because they're "so much smarter". They'll never get caught, we're too stupid to figure it out. Or, we deserve it because there lives are "terrible"
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 09:26 AM
8

You're better not knowing. Over time it'll get easier and you can't forget those details if you find them out.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 09:25 AM
12

This. IF they'll admit infidelity at all, it's usually as some twisted way of making it all "OK" in their minds. "I came clean, I'm absolved". Usually, they'll deny it, even if you catch them in the act.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 09:25 AM
1

And, they'll paint YOU as the narc and themselves as the "victim"
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 09:14 AM
1

She's his problem now. Like you said, work on you, she's made her decisions in life.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 09:13 AM
7

Mine got into the adultery sub reddit, lol. The final evidence of her cheating was posted there, where I found it. She even used her regular screen name. 🙄
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 01:01 AM
2

Exactly. The idea of the marriage (or what you thought it was), and her reality are two entirely different things. She was probably planning her exit before you even expected it, and was moving on mentally, while you were gliding along thinking you were OK.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 03:47 PM
7

She's playing her hand, as a woman. For too many decades, women have been given carte blanche to call the shots in divorce. "I need full custody" for "safety". "I need a protective order because I feel unsafe" (even if there's never been any abuse or violence). "I need the house, and for him to pay for it, and the bills, because I can't be expected to work, I'm a "Stay at home mom" (even if the kids are older). "Oh. He's working ore hours now or got a raise or better paying or second job (so he …
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 03:45 PM
56

Well, she didn't lie, having kids made her more complete in the divorce settlement. Sorry, gallows humor. Listen, like a lot of us, you got played. First, the kids are the good thing that came out of the marriage. Do all you can to be the best dad to them. As for the AP, fuck 'em, she's his problem now. She'll likely screw him over, people like her don't change.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 05:35 PM
6

Awesome. My ring ended up in the Detroit River once I decided enough was enough.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 10:59 AM
3

Yep "You accusing me of cheating, or calling me a cheater is abuse" Sorry, luckily courts won't consider that abuse.... Yet.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 10:04 AM
5

Oh, shit, the moment you even hint at calling THEM a narcissist, shit hits the fan, lol. It's funny, but another favorite diagnosis they have for others is "Right Fighters" (Fight to the death that they are "right") and you know, it also describes a lot of them. They're certainly not very self-aware.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 10:03 AM
35

Just shake his hand, and say "Sorry, Man, she's your problem now" Kidding..... Sort of
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 11:16 PM
5

If you love your kids at all, just stop.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 12:17 AM
11

Record all interactions (follow any local laws doing so) Record all interactions Record all interactions
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 08:21 PM
1

This. End the process where she thinks she's "Running the show". She will always do it, the entitlement and demands need to be shot down now, or they'll go on forever. Remember, once you separate, she's not in charge anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 03:31 PM
1

We're actually still stuck in seperation limbo, long story, she made false DV accusations, and is hoping somehow I'm found guilty before the divorce to try for a better deal (they've offered two different pleas deals, each lower than before, but I will NOT plead guilty to anything I've not done). She has custody of the 2 underage (at the time kids). But then, She sent my daughter to live with me 2 weeks after trying to add allegations of me "spanking" our 3rd (now over 21, but 16 at the time she…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 06:37 PM
3

As strong empowered women, they should be working.... But we know "Strong, Empowered" means milking the ex, and letting the boyfriend take care of them, playing dad to the kids. I found out from my son, that my ex's boyfriend is listed as his "Stepdad" with the new school and she failed to add me to be able to access the online system the school has to check homework, grades etc. Time to visit the school office Tuesday and sort that one out.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 02:31 AM
3

I'm just not even interested in dating. First, I'm terrified, after false allegations of DV from my ex that I'm still battling to clear my name. Second, she sent one of our kids to live with me (yeah, after accusing me of DV and even accusing me of things with our other daughter). I've rented a nice place to live, room for the myself and kids (one lives with me and 1 is over every weekend). It's nice to have my own space, we keep it clean and organized and I don't have any bullshit from a wife o…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 08:29 AM
5

Cooperate with DFS. Let them investigate and figure out what might be going on with Mom and AP.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 09:59 PM
3

Congratulations on the new start.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 02:42 PM
4

I haven't been to my Facebook account in years. It's likely mine may look like I'm still married to my ex. Ask him about what you've found. Either he's lying or he's not, but unless you ask, you may never know.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 01:26 PM
2

Exactly, once she realizes she doesn't have the power to unilaterally kick you out, she may well move on the to the tries and true method of false domestic violence allegations, which are, almost always, a guaranteed way to remove you from the house, keep you 200+ feet away, and give her temporary orders for child support, custody, spousall support, orders form you to pay for the house and bills and tens of thousands in criminal lawyer fees for you.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 11:25 AM
1

It's ot worth creating an issue where one side uses the kids to fight the other. When kids are older, they know damn well what was happening, usually. Younger kids are just better off thinking it was mutual.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 10:43 AM
3

Get your ducks in a row and get out. If she's recording interactions and wanting "rough sex" and has already accused you of rape, the logical next step, for her, is filing charges. At the very least, she'll get you out of the house, emergency support (for her and the kids), orders for you to pay to maintain the home and car, etc, all without a final divorce order.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 03:39 PM
2

Be ready, the (likely) next strategy will include accusations of abuse.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 08:32 PM
2

She can try, if you've paid her, even a couple days late, I doubt the contempt will "stick". Lemme guess, she isn't paying attorney fees, so she feels empowered to go to court for everything.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 05:31 AM
1

It's definitely a business
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 08:58 AM
5

Ugh. Personality disorder seems to be a common theme in cheaters.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 08:57 AM
3

I know. I was there, and saw no way out of it. It's nearly impossible to believe that it will get better..... But it does. It takes time, it takes strength that you didn't know you had. Waking up each morning, remembering what was going on, was like having it happen again over and over. But each day you get through, is one day closer to being better.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 08:56 AM
2

We're assholes, we cramp their dating style while married to them
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 11:39 PM
5

Nope. I warned the AP before we split, about all of her baggage (Emotional, psychiatric, substance, cheating and legal issues). He ignored it, now, she whines that he's overbearing and doesn't trust her. Took him too long to realize I wasn't lying, I guess.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 11:39 PM
3

He didn't get the fun, in the end, he ended up with her. You came out ahead.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 11:37 PM
2

Bingo!
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 11:36 PM
3

Give it time. I went from homeless, to a motel, to a couple crappy basement apartments. Now I'm renting a house with one of my kids and wake up every morning and realize how good it is to be away from the ex, have my own life and kids that love me. It'll get better.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 11:35 PM
4

Yep, damn you for forcing her to cheat, lol. You're free, she's his problem now. And yeah, mine chose the alcoholic, depressed next door neighbor, lol.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 11:33 PM
3

LOL, we can dream. Fuck around, get paid. Great work if you can get it, as long as you're a woman
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/23 06:57 PM
2

Or. In the case of my ex, well before the separation, lol
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 01:23 PM
5

Yep, the double standard sucks. On one hand, they'll say all men are rapists, or dangerous, etc, then lose their shit when women are generalized for cheating or money grubbing. Some men suck, some women suck. No need to generalize on either side, but it's protected when women generalize.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 10:10 PM
7

Exactly, listen to a podcast or two by feminists or women giving divorce advice. You'll realize Misandry is as much a thing as Misogyny.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 08:13 AM
9

It's similar to someone who is bit by a dog, as a kid. For the rest of those lives, many people won't go near another dog. It's not misogyny, it's more like PTSD.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 08:12 AM
2

Yep, mine tried the DV accusations when her boyfriend (The next door neighbor), started questioning her stories about us being split up (we weren't). Monsters gonna monster.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 05:47 PM
6

Even if she marries the moron, OP still is responsible for CS, in most places, unless you sign off on allowing the Dipshit to adopt the kids, never do that.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 10:47 AM
3

My ex kept telling me how wonderful her APs parents were, how they loved her etc. Recently they've figured out she's a grifter and don't want anything to do with her, even though she's still using their son, lol. What goes around comes around.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 10:44 AM
14

Exactly, he should have posted "I'm not the stepdad, I'm the guy banging their mom and playing house". What a douchebag. All you can do is be the best dad to your kids, and that's what they are YOUR kids. Don't get sucked into his little games.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 10:43 AM
1

It's a process. I'm almost 3 years out, and goddammit I had a stupid nightmare about her cheating last night. It was as real as it felt when it happened back then. Take it one day at a time, and don't let the tough moments push you into backsliding. Every minute, hour, day, is another step away, and a step towards getting your life back.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 10:28 AM
2

Yeah, mine was sort of the same boat. They guy only knew the BS my wife fed him about our marriage. He didn't know any better, but is slowly finding out what he got himself into. She's his problem now, and my kids give him the respect they give any other adult, nothing more, nothing less.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 10:31 AM
3

My case was different, as my kids were older (all in their teens). They saw the new guy for what he was, Mom's affair partner. Only thing I can offer is that you be dad to her. He'll never replace you, as long as you stay involved in her life, and fight for all of the access to her that you are legally allowed.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 10:27 AM
5

Also, debtor prisons are, supposedly, long gone. But don't pay alimony and you're in contempt of court, and potentially end up in a modern day Debtor Prison. "She's entitled to be kept in a lifestyle to which she's been accustomed to" or "She's a stay at home mom" (and the kid(s) are in their late teens)". Get A Job.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 11:30 AM
0

Just concentrate on being dad to your kids. She's going through her second teenage phase getting the tingles over her boyfriend. He and/or she will cheat and blow this up, and repeat. It's what cheaters do. Just focus on building a new life for you and your kids, free of her wreckless decisions.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 08:43 AM
7

Lol, yep, because they're "Victims™"
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 02:39 PM
4

Mine has told me I need to pay her for my daughter's bed that she kept after sending my daughter to live with me. Yeah, no, I paid for that the first time around.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 02:34 PM
39

Fuck that. Be there for your kids, that's all that's important. Get togethers with her and the boyfriend are pointless attempts so she can validate her shitty decisions. Be dad to your kids and lock her out of your life, except for discussions regarding your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 05:21 PM
10

As shown by OP's case, "married" vs living together doesn't even make a difference. The question will become "should we avoid women altogether", unfortunately.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 09:12 AM
1

She is his problem now, you got away from her toxic ass. Be the best dad for your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 08:23 AM
1

Mine "upgraded" to an alcoholic with serious depression issues, lol.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 09:58 AM
2

😁
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 02:45 AM
4

This.. KEEP EVERY TEXT AND EMAIL. I'm now at the point where I don't engage when she makes demands, extortion/threats ("do this, or I'll contact court/police/etc"), "our kid is grounded and can't come over to your place for xx weeks".... Also, many lawyers now tell women, when they come in to talk about divorce, to get a ginned up PPO ("I don't feel safe") right away to get the husband out of the house, start support etc during the separation, regardless of whether there is a threat or not. Do n…
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/23 02:24 PM
5

Yep, I found out the hard way that "Once a cheater, always a cheater"
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 08:01 PM
8

"He goes to sleep after working a 12 hour shift" "RED FLAG!!!!!! RUN AWAY!!!"
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 08:00 PM
2

This
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 07:14 PM
3

THIS Be fucking careful. If she's behind the request for you to move out, and you refuse, it's VERY EASY for her to get you removed. Don't make the mistake of having any interaction that isn't on camera or, at the very least, audio recording. Step one, she claims assault/abuse. Step two, you're removed, protective order placed, temporary orders for child support and spousal support are placed. Plus you get to play for the house and bills while you look for a place to live.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 07:13 PM
2

Be the responsible parent. She's going thru her second teenage phase now with her (married) boyfriend.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/23 09:28 PM
4

She's doing it because "It's about me! I'm showing my kid what a strong woman looks like!" If by strong woman she means cheating spouse, but, to each their own.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/23 09:28 PM
2

Ignore it
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 08:26 PM
4

I understand, completely. You gotta do what's best for you. For me, I can't do it, that's just me though.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 11:04 AM
-3

If you really want to know, then do it, I guess. But will it really help anything? I love my kids no matter what, and really don't want to know if any are the product of my Ex's affairs. Outside of organ donation, it doesn't matter ETA: I'm not being an asshole. I'm merely stating from my point of view. OPs gotta decide if it worth knowing, and all the feelings and turmoil that comes along with that if any of the kids aren't his biological kids.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 11:44 PM
5

Yeah, I'm getting stressed just reading it. OP, you will actually be able to breathe and relax after the split maybe.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 04:07 PM
2

According to my son, my ex is supposedly saying she's ADHD now, and yes, she's definitely BPD and NPD, definitely seems to be a trend here.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 08:06 AM
13

You're not broken. You're just done with the bullshit. Your subconscious doesn't want to get you back into something that can take your home, money, kids or freedom away from you again.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 08:45 AM
3

Mom knows she'll, likely, get the kids, house, spousal support and child support, at the very least, during the divorce process. The final orders may take some of that away from her, but after the monthsbor years of the process, dad is likely broke and stuck only seeing the kids when Mom deems it ok. Meanwhile, she can sue to have the husband pay her legal fees, and ride him into the ground while she can be the victim in her sopa opera. Mine actually decided I couldn't see my kids because my par…
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 04:06 PM
2

But, trying, in some vain attempt, to get her nailed for perjury is also a costly waste of time. I had my lawyer tell me that, even though my Ex's false claims of abuse are provably false, perjury charges won't happen. Even if I sue, it's "victim shaming" (even if her victimhood is based on lies).
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 03:23 PM
11

Well of course you're expected to pay for it. How can she find her happiness if she has to be responsible for her own expenses? It's like a single mom with 1 teenaged kid refusing to work a full time job because she's a "Full time, Stay at home mom". At this point, just be dad to your kids, your Ex is now a kid you're not responsible for.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 02:06 PM
1

Especially when the wife finds an attorney that will work for less, or nothing, up front, and add the demand that the husband pay her legal expenses in the divorce, it's an uphill battle. It's not hard to see why some guys give up.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 12:48 PM
4

Yep, even if they "get away" with perjury, any time you can prove that they've lied, it produces a trend of their dishonesty.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 12:45 PM
2

Sounds like your Ex simply wanted to throw a grenade, blow up the nest, and run. You're better off without her, live you life and let her wallow in self pity, guilt, or whatever else she's got going on.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 09:45 AM
3

She's going to have him around regardless of your feelings. Sorry to be blunt. She's caught up in "playing house" with the boyfriend, and needs to have him integrated into her and your daughter's life ASAP, partly as a "fuck you" to you, and partly to validate her "new family" she's building. With your daughter being young, take as much time as you can with your daughter. Be the stable parent. Don't bring firlfire6around early in any relationships you have going forward, don't shit talk the ex t…
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 09:42 AM
1

Depends on the locale. Some places allow for CS till 20 or 21, sometimes longer. as long as the child is a full time student. Some shut it off at 18 regardless.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 12:58 PM
5

its probably whatever your income is when the court/judge sets alimony and support. I believe, after a certain time period, in some states, they can go back to ask for a modification of support, check the laws in your area. In places like that, it's almost like you're being punished for digging out of the hole created by the divorce, and penalized for doing better. For child support, I have no issue with adjustment being made for income, either an increase or decrease. But for alimony, fuck you,…
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/23 04:58 PM
14

How about "Previous Marriages: 0" when she has 2 previous marriages? Guess she knows that her refusal to.pay child support that her first husband was awarded might be an issue, all 53k of it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/23 09:46 PM
10

😄 You got one of those "always right, going to be a smart ass if you try to tell me I'm wrong" ones, too?
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/23 09:44 PM
2

Nope.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 11:25 PM
1

In many cases, if married, withdrawing from a 401k requires the signature of the spouse. We did a withdrawal in 2009 or so, and my wife had to sign when I applied to withdraw from my 401k.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 12:35 PM
1

Or making false abuse allegations against you
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 12:47 PM
9

And, after years of marriage, "Marriage is an outdated concept".
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/23 04:06 PM
6

If you choose yourself over them choosing themselves, you're a narcissist FIFY
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/23 12:10 PM
13

This. When an ex, with multiple affairs decides that the husband is the narcissist, and she's simply "living her best life for herself" by cheating, you can start to see the problem. Everyone has Narcissistic tendencies, it's how you live your life that matters.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/23 09:22 AM
45

Everyone is a "Google Psychiatrist" now. All men are narcissists and abusive... Even if they're not.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/23 09:19 AM
1

Not saying I like it or agree with it.... Luckily my ex is the one who got me to burn that one out, so nothing for her to take, lol.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/23 03:59 PM
1

Because, technically, pension and 401k funds name the spouse as beneficiary, and divorce courts seem to default to just give xx% of pension/401k to the spouse who gets alimony/child support .
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/23 03:53 PM
2

In Florida, iirc, my ex had to sign for a withdrawal we were making out of my 401k back in 2010 or so (we were together at the time)
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/23 02:26 PM
4

Well, not gonna comment on you sending nudes, as I'm not sure if you were together or separated at the time. But, if it were the other way around, and you'd snooped in your wife's phone and found nudes, etc, you'd be skewered for being controlling, not respecting her privacy and, likely, emotionally abusive, so might as well play up the fact that she "Hacked your phone", "Violated your privacy" and "Controlled and stalked you". If she messages your personal acquaintances, that's also, likely, a …
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 08:07 PM
3

Yes. The other guy, usually, isn't the one to blame. First, you don't know what stories she's feeding him (Oh we're 'seperated', we're in an open marriage, I'm a widow -mine did this once)
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/23 08:10 AM
6

"Dress to impress" applies. Many judges look at your personal appearance as respect for the court (unless you're appearing while in custody, and may not have a choice but to wear a jail outfit).
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 10:53 PM
1

Exactly. Or, since he's active duty, push him to "get even" and fuck around, and report him to his command. Either way, she holds the cards with him being active duty.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 05:32 PM
2

This. Don't piss her off. You're in the military, and if you get caught fucking around, or she decides you're abusive or any other thing she can use to "Get Even", you're fucked. File for divorce, accept that she's going to come out of it OK, probably better than you, regardless of her infidelity, and worry about taking care of yourself and your kids. You really need to keep cool, don't lose your shit and be as rational as you can
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 05:31 PM
1

Don't confront, plan your exit.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 05:24 PM
1

Yeah, I know. It sucks being held to a different standard.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 11:37 AM
16

I wonder if she'd cut you the same slack if you needed to be a couple weeks late with a payment.... Spoiler...probably not.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 12:50 AM
12

"He doesn't do anything around the house, sleeps when he's home, and I'm stuck at home like a single parent" - he has a 12 hour, 6 days (Sometimes 7 days) a week job. That was a fun one.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 10:43 PM
26

Lol, no shit, "Gaslighting" and "Narcicist" have GOT to be the most overused terms nowadays. You don't agree with the way I am saying it happened? GASLIGHITNG You have a problem with me fucking someone else? NARCISSIST!
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 10:40 PM
21

File.Now.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 05:57 PM
2

Lol, "I can't afford my Tennis Club membership anymore. But his new wife has one"
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 01:00 PM
11

They did kill "lifetime alimony" in Florida recently, though. Unless there are small kids, both parties need to work and support themselves after a split. I'm completely onboard with child support, when based on income of both partners, and both working if possible. There's just too many cases of moms with older kids that won't work at all, because they're a "stay at home mom" till the kids are 21, lol. It's sad when an ex wife can claim they can't work, or get a low paying job to keep the calcu…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/23 10:24 PM
2

Yeah, because nothing says "Strong independent Woman" like having an affair
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 11:29 AM
2

He doesn't want to have to pay his ex what your paying yours, lol. That, and it was "exciting" screwing her when she was your wife, now that he'd need to support her, not so much.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 11:29 AM
0

The line that got me: "It's ok as the kids know him from school".
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 06:47 PM
6

Lol, that thread started with a post about a woman thinking they may split when the kids are older, and wanting to build up a backup fund, to responses like "Kick him to the curb", "Run!", Waiting for one of them to tell her to just go now and get a protective order and have him removed ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/23 05:02 PM
1

I'd think it would apply to being accused of an illegal act (Child porn, and such). Hell, in many cases proof of infidelity isn't looked at now, so a person looking at porn probably shouldn't be, either.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 05:21 PM
1

If "Porn Addiction" isn't illegal, how do they get an order to search your history? How are they accessing your internet records? Did you give them your Google login? Did you give consent?
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 05:15 PM
1

I selfpublished it, lol
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 01:27 PM
5

Of course, there's always some share of the the blame to go around. But, unfortunately, when you compare outcomes in divorce/separation, there's definitely not a bias towards "The patriarchy ™ ". The outcomes in the divorce industry is very much slanted towards the female, when dividing assets, custody and even to the point of deciding who stays in the marital home.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 09:20 AM
15

Yep, and another study shows that women who accuse (the majority) of men of being 'Narcissists' are actually, in fact, Narcissistic themselves.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 09:14 AM
2

Record every interaction with her, if legal in your state Stay away from her as much as possible, stay CALM when you do have to interact with her. Next step will, likely be that she "Doesn't feel safe around you".
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/23 11:26 PM
2

No, just do what women recommend that other women do. Get cash back when you go to the store, and put t that away, etc. Don't do anything huge that will impact finances later or now, and cause trouble.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 11:48 AM
4

Because then it goes nuclear. Get your ducks in a row first, trust me, it'll be so much better down the line.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 02:14 AM
10

She's been making her moves without you knowing, time for you to make yours without her knowing. Start Monday with contacting lawyers. Start to pan your exit, make a small fund for yourself, (don't lock her out of joint accounts) in case she cleans out the accounts and runs off with the boyfriend or kicks you out via the police. Start to, maybe pare down some extra expenses and items that cost extra to maintain, sell her on the idea that it's simply a way to economize. This will lower your bills…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 02:13 AM
3

Yep, get out before Mr Wonderful discovers what he's actually gotten himself into. Use her being in the throes of new relationship tingles to your advantage.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 04:37 PM
8

Its definitely down to her wanting OP to be "the one who wanted the divorce." "Narcicist" gets thrown around too much, but sounds like his STBXW is a narc, and wants this as her way to blame the divorce on OP, and completely ignore her cheating.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 12:38 PM
1

Exactly. You'll always have feelings, after a long relationship. Knowing that you shouldn't go back is most of the battle.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 01:31 PM
3

You seem to have got this. It's normal to question if it could ever work or you could go back. You seem to realize that it wouldn't work, so just keep working on you.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 12:25 PM
3

This is lost definitely a thing nowadays. Many lawyers will tell a woman filing, to claim that they "don't feel safe". And it's basically a default custody and support order being granted, at least through the process of the separation/divorce. The husband is removed and protection order issued, even without evidence of abuse.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 11:25 AM
7

The financial part it what it is, just gotta work thru that depending on your situation. If your marriage was toxic, cheating etc, being out of it canbchsngr your outlook 100%. Early on you feel like you won't get over it, but you will, and with time and working on yourself, you will likely be even better on your own.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 04:26 PM
3

Mine used to sleep over the next door neighbor/boyfriend's when I was still there, pre-split. Didn't give a shit what it looked like to the kids, said something along the lines of "showing them what a strong woman looks like".
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 12:08 PM
2

Fuck em. You got the better deal, you got away from the cheater.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 10:20 AM
2

Yep, forcing dads into poverty is ok, I guess.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/22 08:52 PM
4

It's sad when CS money is more important to the person getting it than what's good for the kids. And then, in 6 months, she bitches because she gets no "Me Time" and "I have to be a full time single parent". Well, that's what you wanted, or at least the money that goes with it. I work full time, have my 17 year old daughter living with me, full time, and my son (14) every Friday evening thru Sunday night. Sometimes till Monday morning. She doesn't work, but babysits her boyfriend's son when he h…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/22 08:07 PM
2

In my case (She made up 3 assault charges, each conveniently she couldn't remember even the approximate date, they were each "in the month of xxx".) Never had any police involved, no evidence of abuse and all 3 kids testified in the depositions that we never had any physical altercations, nor was she ever injured. Having a deposition from her first husband (she abandoned the kids, including 2 of the conceived in an affair, didn't pay child support, owes 50k and had warrants for it), one of her a…
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/22 10:29 AM
1

Little man, settle down. I never said it's a crime. I've personally been involved in a case where it did affect alimony. You don't know case law world wide, and shouldn't act like you do.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/22 05:24 PM
1

Lol, ok, but I did say "some states may..." You're an idiot for pretending you're the resident legal expert. And dangerous, of listened to as an expert.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/22 05:21 PM
0

Be careful, though, some states can use it, not to determine fault, but to determine alimony, assets etc. You'll still divorce for irreconcilable differences, but extenuating circumstances can affect some of the financial or custody outcomes. Judges are human, and even staying inside the law, if they see one side as "shitty" they benefit of the doubt may fall the other way.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/22 05:03 PM
0

It depends on your local laws. Really. Check with a local lawyer, paralegal, legal aid service. I'm headed because of a cheating ex, but it bugged the shit out of me that, since we agreed to separate, it made her final affair "OK", which she constantly reminded me of, lol. Really, if its not a problem,byou do you. To some it's tacky or shitty, but I guess the legalities are all that really matter.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/22 05:00 PM
3

Mine, once I was in a place where I could have the kids over. Would send snarky messages "You're supposed to have the kids (14 yr old son, 16yr old daughter) every weekend, Friday night through Sunday night. At the time I was working some weekends etc. But taking them, at worst, Saturday till Sunday. Then, once I got a better.job,ost weekends off, she'd decide that "you can't see your father because grana sent a gift for two of you but not your (20 year old) sister (in reality there was somethin…
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/22 04:40 PM
3

My ex would text asking for forms, info, etc because "Her lawyer wanted it". I always responded with, have him contact me and I'll go from there. There never were any requests other than standard 3 year stuff, she was fishing to try to make it look like I made more, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/22 10:10 AM
1

It makes you appreciate all the things you took for granted.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/22 07:51 AM
2

Yep, if she knows it's coming or is the initiator, she will have everything in her favor before you know what's going on
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/22 11:17 AM
2

Once it's done, you are moved in and settled, it's good. I went from a 20 year marriage filled with her cheating, drama because of her legal issues from her first marriage and lies. I got over the sadness of being alone over a few months and one morning it hit me, I've got my own life back, I'm doing all I can for my kids and I don't have to worry about what she's doing (or who) while I'm at work. It's a good feeling once things settle.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/22 10:35 AM
4

Yep, I lost the job I had at the time.... Actually that part was a blessing, got a much better job, my boss is aware of the ex's shit, and has even deferred my raises etc till the divorce is final, as she's not really into working, and thinks she needs to be paid to smoke pot all day.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/22 01:52 AM
3

Just avoid conflict with her for the moment, of you have to speak to her, Record it . Don't serve her till you have your finances sorted, and all your ducks in a row
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/22 01:27 AM
10

Trust me, not talking out of my ass, been there done that. Before it happens we all think, "god, that is fucked up, it could never happen", till it does,lol. Sorry you went thru it too
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/22 01:26 AM
22

Likely, she knows she can merely call the police, says she's scared and go file for a restraining order. Get your ducks in a row before even thinking about serving her, because, yes, she can blow your world up.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/22 11:54 PM
6

Yep, that's the game. It's called a de facto divorce. You're out of your house, away from your kids, likely lose possessions in the house, don't forget the emergency order of support. It's basically a finalized divorce, until a you actually get the divorce for real.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/22 06:12 PM
3

Actually, it's not that hard, especially when the wife asks for it. Many lawyers actually recommend it, along with anything else that can increase the billable hours. It's becoming known as way to get a de facto divorce. Sure. The process for a judge to grant divorce takes time, but a TRO, protective order and emergency support order can kick the hubby out. Freeze accounts. Set custody during the process and set up spousal and child support before the divorce is even settled, trust me, any woman…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/22 05:31 PM
1

Document. She should be on the hook for things she's disposed of if you can document it
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/22 02:04 AM
1

Wow, that was an enlightening, and depressing, read
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/22 01:19 PM
11

Mine kept threatening to serve me at work. First, I didn't give a shit, no embarrassment, as I was getting divorced from a cheating wife. Second, we live in Canada but I work in the states, and she didn't have a way to easily deal with that. Then, she threatened to call my employer and spread shit about me, but they already hated her because they knew she was a cheating machine, and we're actually afraid for my safety, thinking she was going to off me in my sleep. She had me arrested over bogus …
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/22 08:51 PM
1

Mine managed to turn our oldest against me. Like OP, we were very close all of her life. She knew what her mother was up to, looked into her mother's background after years of lies, and after her mom made false accusations, she turned. She's now a shut in, won't work, not sure if she's even in university anymore, ugh. My other two kids have seen through their moms BS, and mom even sent the middle child to live with me.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/22 02:48 AM
1

Yeah, if you want to avoid telling her face to face, then just have her served, this email will, likely, just add fuel to the fire.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/22 11:35 PM
9

Yeah, depending on the situation, that's all that some ex-wives have positively contributed. The fact that my Ex is mother of my kids is the only thing that's kept me from letting all of those who are seeking her out for old legal problems know where she is now.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/22 04:28 PM
3

Yep, she's physically abused you, for real. She will now, likely, make false accusations about you, and it won't matter if they're false, you're going to have a much harder time sorting it out, and you'll be slapped with a protective order. Have to jump thru hoops to be allowed around your kids and pay to keep her happy. .
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/22 05:33 PM
2

Yep, when you least expect it, there will be cops at the door, and your abusive wife will have told them "She's afraid of you". As the husband once you're out, because of something like this (true or not), You're out. She's back in the house because she's "mom" and you told them She's not that bad. You won't be that lucky.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/22 05:30 PM
2

She's doing it because she, probably, knows every interaction with a lawyer is billable. She's also, likely, going to ask that you be made to pay her costs, as well. As for using the police as a weapon, you may think your beautiful princess, long love of your life would never file bullshit charges against you to further her claim, get you out of "her house", take you from your kids, but let me tell you, the can, and will. Wanna see what $20,000 (so far) legal fees in dealing with bullshit charge…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/22 05:06 PM
6

Trust me, if it were the other way around, and you were in the house, she's getting her equity. It'd be " Fuck you, you move and out sell the house or refinance and pay me". This way she gets the house, it's hers 100%< (except for the lien from the mortgage, that you likely paid into, creating equity). If she pays it off, she gets it, and you don't get any of the equity you put in. If she gives up and stops paying, you're on the hook, as well for the foreclosure. Lose/lose deal for you. She can'…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/22 04:47 PM
7

You will end up paying for a place for you. And paying for her to stay in the house. She wants to end it? She can move. Be careful, once she figures out she has to get off her ass, she might just decide to go the "Easy Route" and decide she's "afraid of you", get a restraining order, or worse. Have you arrested and then you are well and truly fucked. Document every discussion, record interactions with your phone, lock down personal paperwork and any non-joint accounts. Don't get suckered into a …
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/22 03:38 PM
2

You always think "That shit on Lifetime is so far fetched. Then your marriage to a narcissistic female brakes down, and she unleashes the hounds of hell upon you. False accusations, cheating, drugs, etc, it truly is stranger than fiction for many of us.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/22 08:55 AM
12

Lol
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/22 08:07 AM
1

Depending on their age, it's one of those things you just have to deal with. Younger kids can be manipulated to see the new guy as a "Dad" figure. Older kids see them for what they are. My kids watched mom cheat with the neighbor, and others, prior to the split. Withing hours of having me out, the latest was over all the time, she disappears to his house (next door) every night. I've told my kids to treat him with the respect they would any adult. He's not really at fault, as he only knows the b…
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/22 04:24 AM
1

Don't feel guilty, she moved on long before you knew it. Make sure you're in a place where it's not a rebound. I'm 1.5 years out, and happy being alone right now, I don't have to worry about being cheated on, and like you, my Ex-wife moved on before we separated, so there's some trauma there. Do what works for you. But do not feel guilty.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/22 03:16 PM
6

Why bother? Think about this, you have no idea what sorts of bullshit she's fed him about you and the marriage. To one of my Ex-wife's boyfriend's, we were divorced but she was letting me stay in the house (nope, not even separated), to one I was dead, and she was a widow raising 3 kids. To the final one, the next door neighbor, she'd convinced him she was being abused, hence the dagger being stared at me by him a few months after we moved in, and she started hanging most evenings with him, whil…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/22 01:34 PM
2

Couldn't have said it any better
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/22 10:32 AM
9

Yep, record every interaction with her. She's gonna want you to move out, if you don't do it on your own.... Be careful. Avoid any drama she starts, it can only lead to one thing. Avoid any attempt at intimacy, try to stay in sight of the kids, or others, when you're around her, you'd be amazed at what the woman you've loved for decades can do when "It's time for hubby to leave".
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/22 09:44 AM
3

Sshh, she "Allowed" him Father's Day.... Nothing is free. But like he said, it puts letting him change days into context, "ok you you give me 5x what I gave you, I'll allow it"
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/22 09:16 AM
9

It's all about "Winning". Keeping the kids from the other parent is about as reprehensible as anything they can do.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/22 12:52 AM
2

Yes, we have children's aid society involved, due to the way the ex decided to blow up the separation. Our case worker is very happy with how she's doing living with me, and the fact that my son is over every weekend, as it gives him a "drama break". My biggest regret is them seeing the marriage fall apart. My daughter has nightmares about not having a parent to live with or being kicked out.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/22 12:26 PM
1

Also, depending on kids, if you have them and how old they are, she will be expected to work, and not be given alimony to support her while sitting on her ass, unless she's disabled, has infants to care for etc. Same boat here, sort of. We were married 15 or so years, and together 20, so she will get some alimony. Our kids are 21, 17 and 14, the 14 and 17 year old will be awarded support, though she has sent the 17 year old to live with me full time, so that one isn't included. The 21 year old n…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/22 10:29 PM
20

Look at it this way, she's worried about getting laid, you're showing concern for the kids. You're already doing the right thing. I'm 1.5 years separated, my 17 year old daughter was sent to live withe by my STBXW,y son is over every weekend. I work my ass off all week, have to take time off to do school runs (she doesn't work, she watches her boyfriends son), but many days can't be arsed to drive to school one way, at least. I don't give a damn about my weekends, or "me time", not any form of d…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/22 08:10 PM
2

You can see what she's offering, I wish mine had followed thru on our agreement to do it ourselves with a paralegal, but nope. Don't sign anything, don't fall for her lawyer saying "it's the best you can get" or "this is the way it has to be" without getting it reviewed first.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/22 07:13 PM
2

I have one of our kids living with me and the other over every weekend. I don't even remember what a weekend was, lol. That said, my daughter who lives with me, and my son who is over every weekend both look forward to the weekends, so I wouldn't ever change it. I've accepted that l, especially with the trauma of the bullshit that went down in the split is so recent, they have to come first.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/22 07:02 PM
2

Yeah, I think I was colorblind to the color red, lol, and there were plenty. FML.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/22 04:34 PM
10

My ex couldn't file as she owes 50k in child support to her first husband. Imagine that shit show.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/22 03:36 PM
2

Mine started dating the new guy (Alcoholic neighbor, almost 10 years older than her, lol) 9 months before we split.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/22 08:34 AM
7

Don't go back to the Ex for it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/22 09:50 AM
6

Contact a lawyer to prevent her from kidnapping the kids. Also, look into separating some of the savings so she doesn't clean you out.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/22 02:15 PM
2

This. It does get better. You are moving from a place where you share everything with someone, to a place where you're on your own. Luckily you don't have the complications of kids in the split. I tried to salvage my marriage through many affairs, for the kids. It doesn't work. 1.5 years on from the discovery of the final affair. And I've finally become indifferent to the thought of her. You'll still think of her, I woke up from nightmares just last night about her, but your every waking thought…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/22 10:38 AM
6

This is how to do it. It's very important to let either the GAL or Children's Aid, whomever is involved as a neutral third party. See that you are a good parent. Regardless of the accusations thrown, they see these types of cases all the time. Our social worker has remarked at how well my daughter, who is now living with me, is doing, and my son is doing well with his therapy. It seems impossible to fight against the mudslinging, and to try and prove you're not the shit parent the other parent m…
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/22 01:12 AM
3

You're not allowed to say it anymore, but it really hasn't changed since the 90s, but there are still a lot of women who come out as gay or bi- because it's trendy. So many of them got to college or out on their own for the first time and "bingo! I'm gay". Fast forward 3-5 years, they're engaged to some guy, and wistfully talk about thier girlfriend from college, over a glass of wine. Let it go, you got off easier than if it were years later. My ex once told me she had fallen for a woman she wor…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/22 08:57 AM
1

The scary part of all of this is that when going through it, you think it's rare... I just read that and it's like I could have written it. So many of the stories are so similar, to each other, and to mine, that I now read.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/22 09:50 AM
2

Be happily single, take care of my kids and not have any contact with the Ex. My life fucked right now, but it's better in one way, were separated and she can't cheat on me anymore since we're split.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/22 10:24 PM
1

Want to blow your mind... Imagine what kind of shit she feeds the AP about you.... One of them was told I was dead. That was an eye opener when I talked to him, lol. Another was when I wondered why my neighbor went from friendly, to looking at me like I was the antichrist. The cops showing up at my door one night at 330 AM answered that one for me. At least she didn't have to go far for "date nights".
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/22 10:13 PM
4

Wait till she tells the kids "I don't feel bad about cheating on your father". That's a kick in the balls, but confirms the narcissism. I don't feel bad about her cheating anymore either, I don't care.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/22 10:10 PM
2

Yep, regardless of what she does with them, don't engage in trashing her. Stay above it. My kids were told that "dad doesn't send any money". I logged into my bank account and had them do a search for her name in the bank transfers to see that she had been, in fact, sent money weekly, with few exceptions.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/22 10:06 PM
1

In many states, now, if you've raised the child as your own, and later discover it's not, it makes no difference. And after raising the child, would you even want to give up paternity or give up seeing the kids? The kids aren't the bad guy here.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/22 10:04 PM
4

Yep, and then a year later.... She can amend the decree to include child support.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/22 10:02 PM
1

In much the same boat as you. Just under $20k (so far) in lawyer fees, and not even been to trial yet. After my lawyer has deposed an ex-husband, an affair partner, run background checks on her, it's been a money pit. But, it's the only way to defend against it. $20k that won't be going to my kids (or her). I've literally had to "buy" possessions back from her that she was selling for pennies on the dollar, sentimental things. I'm done. Once this is done, there will continue to be zero contact, …
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/22 10:01 PM
2

Yep, like the divorce advice given to women all the time: "He wants to know why she wants a divorce? He isn't entitled to an explanation, it's her decision" "He wants her to move out? No! It's his place, as the man to move out, it's her home, moreso if she's raising kids" File, she doesn't get to decide, any more than you would if it were her decision to file.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/22 09:55 PM
2

It should be a "get yourself established and get a job" for the wife, in reality, it can be decades of income. And, if you fuck up and get promoted, get a better job, etc, expect to have it adjusted up the next year. I've already told my boss that I'll defer the raise he's offered, twice, for a while.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/22 09:48 PM
3

Oh. Trust me, if infidelity is involved, the adulterer will be punished by the court.... If it's the man who cheated. The wife? Not so much.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/22 09:46 PM
1

Then, once you get your evidence together, expect the false abuse allegations against you. Even in the few "at fault" places, she's getting paid, sucks, but it is what it is. "I can't work, your honor, I'm in my prime dating age, he's going to need to pay me support"
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/22 09:45 PM
5

Yes, name oldest kid and/or, if able, a sibling of yours or other trusted executor.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/22 04:47 PM
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