More than 4 months in, I'm already legally divorced, I'm reading the amazing "Rebuilding" book, I am fine, kids are fine. I enjoy more and more my new life and I know it's a long trip to fully recover.

I had to go to the old flat where she still lives in. She was not there, I sneaked just a little bit but the drawer was half-open anyway. I saw condoms in the bedside table drawer.

The anger starts to go away but it made me crazy. It hurts the ego, the very little fantasy of reunion that is still living in me. I knew this moment will come one, so I have to go through, but it's tuff.

It's exactly the same feelings I had at the beginning when she dumped me, but much less powerful. Feeling alone, totally lost, just wanting to be dead. I had to ignore the kids tonight, they are young but very comprehensive when I request space and peace.

No alcohol, talked to a few friends, steam is getting cold... it will go away... but this is hard.