TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

azwildcat74 Archive

View 14 posts and 1,111 comments by azwildcat74 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Showing the 1,000 most recent of 1,111 comments.
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
7

“I’m not happy, I’ve tried working on things with you via couples counseling and you didn’t participate in the process, it’s time for me to move on.” Refuse to elaborate further than that, you don’t owe her any more than that.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 02:43 PM
16

This isn’t because of Trump, it’s because your wife is a narcissist and can’t control you via cutting your family out of your life. Remove the cancer.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 03:39 PM
13

Just be glad she showed you who she was so early. On to the next one. BUT, I will say, don't be using women you're dating as an emotional tampon either. Talk to a friend or a therapist if you need to talk to someone about that stuff. You're going to put off a lot of women that way.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 12:18 PM
3

You’re trying to apply logic to a situation where it’s not applicable. Shes running on her emotions and bizarre justifications, it’s simply not in touch with reality. It’s not just you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 05:06 PM
4

Just remind yourself to control the things you can (you have), forget about the things you can’t control (you’re here now), have the wisdom to know the difference. There’s just nothing you can do right now and it’s not worth your energy to stress over right now. It’s a slow process once courts get involved, your kid could very well be 18 before this shit is decided now, there are much better things to give your focus to at this juncture of yours and your sons lives.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 04:27 PM
9

Ultimately the “why” doesn’t matter anymore. You’re basically done raising the kid and coparenting. Just let your lawyer do what you’re paying her to do and let the process play out. Good job protecting yourself, don’t give her any mercy now, make her sleep in the bed she decided to make for herself. Fuck her.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 04:03 PM
2

She became ultra-religious and politically "awake", though those changes were both starting at the end of the marriage. Moved out and bought a house with the money I had to pay in the divorce. Actually just announced this past weekend that she's getting married to the guy who's been her neighbor lol. We've been divorced almost 3 years.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/24 11:02 AM
1

We just started fighting more and more, in our last fight I said something about her and I needing to start thinking about doing what was best for the kids inferring divorce, she said she wanted a divorce the next day and filed immediately after.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/24 12:31 AM
5

Yes. The dynamic you’re talking about played a huge role in my divorce. She was all kids all the time to the point where she stopped being a wife. E: Wanted to add a little more depth to this. She would always insert herself between the kids and I anytime I would try to be involved in anything but discipline, and only discipline when she got so fed up with her way not working that she either exploded or was about to, then she'd call me in to be "the enforcer" and bad guy. I used to plead to her …
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/24 12:11 AM
3

I think you should take that deal and run with it. 19 years married you are flirting with long and harsh alimony terms if you pressed the issue, depending on your state of residence. I would hash out details on if/when she tries to sell the house before 2036 what happens so that's done on the front end to try and minimize potential conflict later. I would want some type of assurances on you staying on title until a specified date as well so you have some legal standing for financial claim should…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 02:28 PM
8

Nope, that's husband/wife stuff. You stopped being husband/wife when she said she wanted a divorce, stop doing husband things.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 02:19 PM
2

Sensible reply here that I agree with. It would be dumb to go nuclear right off the bat and escalate in that manner. There may be a time for it in the future but that's sure not where you start.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 06:30 PM
2

This seems like an unnecessary escalation at this point in the game. Great way to get to start paying for daycare immediately too.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 06:29 PM
2

I'm assuming you're not paying for this childcare? I would say to not rock the boat if that's the case and just try and communicate like adults in a proactive fashion. I would just try and give as much notice as possible as to what time you intended to pick the kids up. Having grandparents involved in activities with them is a positive thing and grandma is probably just trying to go do fun days at the park or something and doesn't want to lose opportunities to do that. It's hard to tell how far …
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 06:27 PM
1

Just make sure you’ve got good pictures and you’ll be fine. Google what that means if you’re not sure. This is all assuming you’ve invested in yourself vi education/profession and take care of yourself physically.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 01:43 PM
1

I never had to pay for a subscription on any of the apps and was very successful. Hinge seems to be what Bumble pretends to be, people actually looking for relationships. Bumble is just Tinder for an older crowd and a bunch of women who fuck on the first date in my experience.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 01:19 PM
2

If you’re enjoying Tinder like that you’ll like Bumble even more. Tinder is a younger persons app, Bumble almost every woman has pretense of looking for a relationship but they all fuck on the first date too, just a lot more “age appropriate”, a lot of women our age avoid Tinder like the plague as it has a reputation as a hookup app.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 12:54 PM
3

I know I shouldn’t laugh but the ukelele instructor part is fucking hilarious. Can’t make this shit up.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 01:01 PM
5

You can’t have your kid around that shit. Talk to your lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 12:49 PM
6

Document her withdrawal of the marital funds and when you told her that you lawyered up to show the cause and effect, that will be subtracted from her assets in the equity split. You realized you made a mistake in notifying her you lawyered up, which is great, now you need to realize that you're making the mistake of taking legal advice from her. Don't listen to a fucking word of it, lawyer up, get what's rightfully yours. Put the retainer on a credit card if you have to, but you need representa…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 03:05 PM
2

On the projects- stop asking yourself if you feel like doing them and just MAKE yourself do some amount of work on them every day or week, remove the option. I always try and tell myself I need to do ONE thing today/this week for at least 30 minutes. Some days thats really just 30 minutes but if you’re like me you’ll say fuck it I’ve got everything out, I might as well keep going now and knock out 4 hours worth of work and then that momentum becomes contagious. I know it’s all easier said than d…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 04:49 PM
3

Answer your own question - what would YOU personally stand to gain by getting/being married?
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 04:10 PM
4

Loving yourself is finding that whatever you're doing, with focus on that being alone, you're fine with things being that way. Sometimes that's going to be watching TV, sometimes that's going to be travelling, whatever it is. Grief will come and go and it's constant at first, then 3/4 of the time, then half the time, and before you know it you're only really thinking about it briefly a day a week or less. It comes with time and it's not something that's a race or something you can make happen fa…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 03:30 PM
1

Dude is very clearly depressed and she won't do the work to help pull her partner out of it. Just cut and run.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 03:13 PM
3

Oh my god, what are the chances?!? We got the ONE woman who would definitely not try for alimony here! Oh wait, except she is on the hook for it, but she'd totally be against it if the tables were turned too! :)
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 03:13 PM
3

His depression = BADDDDDD and UNACCEPTABLE!!!! Her depression = Totally OK and beautiful!!!!
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 03:11 PM
2

It could be just about anything. Do you have any hobbies and activities that you enjoy as a whole adult man? What interests do you have that you like to discuss with dates?
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 12:34 AM
1

Im 6’5” so I can’t personally identify with the struggles but I see more posts on dating subs about shorter dudes self-sabotaging with women they match with by showing a ton of self-loathing. If you’re being totally honest - is that you? Find a way to love yourself my dude, it’s a prerequisite for someone else to love you the way you want to be loved.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 12:20 AM
1

Her problems stopped being your problems right about the time she was guiding the other guy's cock into herself. Provide for your kids through letting them live with you, tell her to sleep in the bed she made for herself.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 04:54 PM
6

Start “paying cash for everything” and having a “gambling habit”. This could work if you’re years from divorce but not if you’re months away.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 03:20 AM
1

Don’t do it before the divorce is done if it’s a bargaining chip you’re trying to use, once it’s done you lose something she wants.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 11:21 PM
2

Refinance any loan, then quitclaim deed is how it works in the states. Don’t do this until the divorce is done.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 10:49 PM
1

Some I suppose but the same way I wouldn’t wear her brand I don’t want to try and put mine on her, ultimately it doesn’t matter anymore. The therapist I saw post-divorce made a similar comment. Pretty much the final straw in our marriage was my not paying her enough attention while my dad was dying of cancer while simultaneously trying to make me feel guilty for asking for more intimacy and affection soooo….. you can be the judge.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 09:01 PM
2

Deny, attack, reverse victim and offender
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 06:49 PM
15

You have to find a way to grow into a quiet confidence in who you are. I was similar in that my exes words haunted me for a good bit during/after the divorce. I was “an abusive narcissist” and for the life of me I just couldn’t understand how fucked up I must be if I never even realized that about myself. Then one day it just clicked that she doesn’t get to define me at all, not a single thing. I get to be whoever I want to be and whatever I want to be going forward and I don’t have to listen to…
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 06:43 PM
-10

What is being risked by having children out of marriage that would be guaranteed by having children within a marriage?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/09/24 04:02 PM
0

You clearly signed whatever agreement she put in front of you without legal advice. That’s effectively giving your rights away.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 06:51 PM
2

Not trying to kick you while you’re down but how did you wind up with visitation only in the first place? With giving your rights away on the front end there is probably not going to be much you can do about this now?
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 06:23 PM
1

And how are you going to prevent her from trying to saddle you with 50% of the debt while also not wanting to give up half of the assets in the form of her 401k? Don't be a white knight, face the conflict now and get what you're owed because you cant get it later.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 03:41 PM
1

Stand up for what you want now, HOWEVER, child support can be revisited almost any time in the future as well. Divorce cannot be amicable, it's an adversarial process. Two people can not both get what's in their best interest without one party getting some things that come at the cost of the other party. As a side note, how the fuck do you have a $400k household income and not enough money to pay a lawyer? Lawyer up and get what you're owed, it's going to get contentious no matter what. She can'…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 03:34 PM
5

Thinking with the wrong head. Our urge to procreate is stronger than our urge to self-preserve at times.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 11:53 AM
5

Perfect example of where there's no such thing as amicable divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 07:58 PM
8

Apps. If you have things going for you it’s like shooting fish in a barrel, if you’ve not invested in yourself in any way or are extremely bad looking, out of shape, sloppy dresser etc you’re going to have a bad time.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 01:36 AM
10

Nothing. Ignore her or even better block her.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 10:22 PM
9

I can empathize with it, I just would never have done that to myself. Hopefully the rock bottom he's at now becomes the foundation he builds back up from though.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 06:12 PM
14

I cannot begin to wrap my mind around why anyone would choose to do this to themselves but good on you for sharing the lesson you learned from it. It sounds like you’ve done a lot of work on yourself but it sounds like you’ve got a long way to go yet. Did you make all those changes for her or for you? If the former you need to really be introspective as to what kind of person YOU really want to be and measure that against who you are now and make a plan to bridge the gap. If you did it for you t…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 05:45 PM
7

They’re always stable and easy to vibe with early on. Go into it with the blinders off and a critical but realistic eye. Otherwise just enjoy yourself. Don’t overthink it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 12:06 PM
2

If you’re getting a bachelors degree have it be for something meaningful. Getting a general studies degree is a waste of time and money. Business, anything in the STEM field, vocational training etc are all worthwhile. I just finished my MBA at 39 and 2.5 years post-divorce. If teaching is the path you want to go down make sure you know what you need to efficiently end at the destination you want to be at. I had looked at that when I lived in Midland and there were some very helpful folks at UTP…
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 08:22 PM
2

This is a very personal thing. I, personally, could never have moved away from my kids and given up my time with them. Why does anyone need to move anywhere? Just stay right where you are and insist that she does the same.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 11:28 AM
2

Good luck getting that enforced, especially with a spouse with no income. Unconscionable stipulation.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 02:58 PM
3

Prenup won't cover future (marital) earnings. You'll have major problems showing that your earned income that is then put into a trust is not a marital asset, probably wouldn't work.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 02:51 PM
1

She’s not ACTING like a whore. When you realize that it will get easier.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 06:21 PM
2

Personally as a parent the few times I’ve had my daughter invited to multiple parties for the same kid because their parents can’t get along it’s just come across as embarrassing to me and there’s no way I’m going to two parties, taking two gifts, etc. Your kid will notice you’re there or not. If you want to stay in the background then so be it and you can do something special for her just you and her later, but show up for your kid.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 05:42 PM
9

Fake it til you make it. Act indifferent and in time you become indifferent. Stop chasing, stop bargaining, stop placing focus on her. Turn that focus inward and practice some self-care even though that, for most of us, feels like selfishness. If you don’t take care of yourself nobody else will.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 01:53 PM
5

You clearly know what you need to be doing and you just haven't done it yet. I think one of the biggest things that you need to change is that thinking her choice to move into a trailer is because of something you did or didn't do, that's not the case and somewhere deep down you know that and need to tap into that knowledge. She had some trauma that she didn't work through and was failing in every segment of her life, she was a bad employee, she was a bad spouse, all of it. Ultimately, you will …
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 12:07 PM
1

First thing that was probably hardest for me but most important too was the realization that she doesn't get to define you as a person. If she is narcissistic she's going to be devaluing you as she discards you, she doesn't get to use her version of reality in place of the one you lived and know, so just don't buy it. Be there for your son but be selfish too. Don't fall on your sword for her, everything between you two is a business decision now and she will be trying to get everything she can s…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 12:22 PM
5

You’re teaching your son how to fix things but do you not see what else you’re teaching him? That it’s ok to be used as a doormat and chore bitch? Put your balls back on.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 11:47 AM
2

Sounds like you found your first step. If you want things to be orderly and structured then you need to bring some order and structure to the situation. Lawyer up, demand 50% (assuming you can handle that as a dad). This is all only happening because you're letting it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 11:40 AM
1

What's your temp custody order say?
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 11:34 AM
8

Defamation cases are near impossible to win.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 11:25 AM
2

It doesn’t take a wish, it takes a decision being made to start and another (several) every day to stick with it all. Motivation is fleeting, discipline is what you need to instill in yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 10:59 PM
2

Having young kids is HARD. Living with your parent as an adult with kids around too no fucking wonder you're not getting sex. You claim you've been unhappy a year but she's 8 months pregnant with a kid? You're talking about things you can't afford but talking about buying sxs's and boats? I'm not trying to rag on you but you need to do some growing up. Stuff may still suck after but it sounds like you're half assing it as an adult/dad/husband and that's on you my dude. Get all in and if that doe…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 01:03 PM
15

Funny how that works, I caught mine with a teams convo about how I was super abusive, screaming at her in front of the kids, coworkers replying that if they ever saw me they’d kick me in the balls (350 lb 55 year old women 🙄). 95% of what she was telling them literally never happened.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 11:15 PM
9

You were right to not settle for the 6/8 and demand 50/50. If you set the precedent of conceding what’s yours rightfully now you’ll deal with her trying to take more and more until the kids are 18. Fight and win the war now, confine the discomfort to now and don’t concede when it will just extend everything and be more cumulative pain in the long run.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 04:46 PM
6

Take all the time she needs within the confines of response after you file with your lawyer and serve her, sure. All you’re doing is giving her time to figure out how to fuck you over.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 09:12 PM
3

This is exactly the logic I used and the place I got to. You’re on a good road and there are brighter days ahead.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 01:58 PM
1

Sure
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 11:08 AM
2

Introducing more turmoil for the child via having their mom jobless would not be in their best interest, either. Chances are that AP will never leave his wife and this is going to peter out and that will have an affect on the child as well. Frankly, I completely understand why you don't want your kid around this person and I would feel the same way, but there's nothing you can do (or should do) to stop it. If you blow it up and she becomes financially dependent on the guy you could be pushing th…
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 01:33 PM
3

I don’t think dude should try and save the marriage but you hit the nail on the head here. Talking about her mental illness while blaming his on her. Be the change you want to see and get the fuck out too, in whatever your preferred order is.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 12:52 PM
5

That doesn’t fly in the age of free internet advice. Women know the kids will be with them.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 11:13 PM
10

Lawyer up. Anything you can be told here will be anecdotal at best.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 10:53 PM
6

Why are you asking more questions when you pretty much fully disregarded the answers you got to the previous ones?
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 02:10 AM
–

Just get it out of my balls, from there I don’t care.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/08/24 04:53 PM
5

Contrary to this, I did it and don’t regret it at all. I was up front about the process and where I was in it and met a few women in the same stage of things as I was in and we were ok with spending time together and getting through it all together and having some fun experiences along the way, physically and otherwise. Where I fucked up is letting one of them talk me into trying a relationship when I really wasn’t ready and she wasn’t either. That went 6 months and ended in ugly fashion and if …
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 04:52 PM
0

You’re making up imaginary scenarios in your head and I’m asking for you to expound on how that plays out but I’m the dramatic one
/r/PurplePillDebate17/08/24 12:27 AM
0

The only retarded person in this scenario is the one who can’t tell one or more additional shots have been added to their drink and they keep drinking it.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/08/24 12:05 AM
2

Amazing. Now it’s turning into date raping gangs!
/r/PurplePillDebate17/08/24 12:02 AM
2

Please describe how this would work in a real world setting? How many shooters is dude carrying in his pocket to pull this off?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/24 11:59 PM
5

Alcoholic beverages have alcohol in them, yes.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/24 11:43 PM
1

So in this example the guy is carrying around how many shooter bottles to dump into glasses, exactly?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/24 11:42 PM
6

I was adamantly against having pets as I had just put a dog down before I met my now ex wife. She got one dog while we were dating, knowing my stance on pets, and then added a second and then would be mad at me because I didn’t willingly take them for walks after I got home from working 12 hour days while she was out doing whatever. Allergic to personal accountability.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 11:40 PM
4

The inference was that drinks were being made stronger as a means to enable rape. Are the men sneaking extra alcohol just into the women’s drinks?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/24 11:37 PM
1

Why are you offended that men could rpe if you’re not thinking about rping someone yourself? 💅
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/24 11:32 PM
5

Why would a bartender give a fuck if randoms get more drunk than they expect to?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/24 11:25 PM
9

They want all the shit but then get all mad when you won’t be the one to put it up and take it down for them. When they have to be the one to do the work all of a sudden it isn’t that important again. 🤡🤡🤡
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 08:32 PM
3

I didn’t have to consider it, I was already married. No way I’m not fucking often now that I’m not.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 10:21 PM
3

There's someone for everyone out there but nobody you want to be with wants to be with a negative prick. The only people who will settle for that are also negative ass motherfuckers who you wouldn't want to be around. Find a way to see the good and bright side in everyone you meet and everything you do and acknowledge that. You don't need to spend time dwelling on the negative but there's nothing wrong with accepting and acknowledging that part for what it is, just move on and try to find the po…
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 01:47 PM
7

We all married the same woman
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 04:21 PM
6

I can’t even pretend to think she would hear anything said. She created her own reality and lived fully within it, any appeal to the actual reality in which the rest of the world lived was “abuse”. I wouldn’t waste my time or air to try and do the same again now that it’s all over.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 01:52 PM
12

Ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuck no
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 09:20 PM
2

All that matters is that the kids are winning because they get to do fun things with two parents who are probably enjoying themselves in the time they have with the kids. Maybe she's insecure and wants to make sure you don't win "fun parent" but ultimately, who cares? Do what you want to do when you want to and try to remain indifferent about the rest.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 11:20 PM
7

There's another year of fun with 1000 other women too.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 09:40 PM
9

Recognizing patterns and acting on them proactively is what made humans the dominant species on the planet. If you feel strongly that you can see where things are going, why wait on doing the inevitable?
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 08:57 PM
5

And any lawyer who is worth a shit would tell their client that they are risking the other party going back and telling the judge that they now need child support and having that granted. Every court that I am aware of will not allow divorcing parties to negotiate CS because it's not for either party negotiating, it's for the kids wellbeing.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 02:38 PM
5

Child support is 100% not negotiable unless you’re trying to pay more than the state guided minimum.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 12:53 PM
4

Texas (and every other state that I’m aware of) doesn’t allow an exchange of equity to reduce or eliminate child support. You’re leaving some things out.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 12:31 PM
2

Exactly my thought. There are some things being skipped here or dude white knighted her even in divorce. Sounds like he negotiated a shit deal for himself.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 11:47 AM
16

lollllllll. And this is why the divorce stats get worse with every subsequent marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 01:59 PM
3

Nobody ever was. Take solace that you have one less person to rescue now, it’s just you and the kids and if you don’t take care of you you’re going to fail the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 05:10 PM
4

She left you mentally a long time before she actually left you, she’s way ahead in the healing process. Take the time to get through it mentally but acknowledge that if you don’t take care of yourself NOBODY ELSE IS GOING TO. It’s not a competition at all but you need to find something to get back on your game physically, it’s going to help with the other stuff you’re dealing with like anxiety immensely as well
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 04:23 PM
7

And you know all of this why? Because she told you? Quit fucking talking to your opponent and quit listening to what they tell you is going to happen. Take what’s rightfully yours and let her keep talking, you don’t have to participate in the bullshit or believe a bit of what she’s saying
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 12:42 PM
9

"No". That's a complete answer. You no longer have to make financial justifications to your ex wife.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 06:26 PM
3

This is going to be highly variable by the state you're in. In my state 50/50 is the presumption and it takes something pretty radical to deviate from that unless one party concedes their time.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 01:00 PM
3

100%. Her mom was a man hater who viewed marriages as disposable, it was always utilitarian for her, what can she get from marrying. My ex has become the same way.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 01:19 PM
3

I don’t fuck with you - Big Sean Fuck you - Cee Lo Goodbye Stranger - Supertramp Clay Pigeons - Blaze Foley Boys of Summer - Don Henley
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 01:48 AM
1

Easy to say in hindsight. I am young enough to know better that when I was in my 20's I wasn't going to be listening to my dad about that. My parents were still married (unhappily) at the time but later divorced, I "wasn't going to be like him" and knew better. I married a woman who vilified both her biological dad and her step dad and idolized her loser ass mom who worked minimum wage jobs and had been married and divorced 3x (that's up to 5 now). I was naive and thought that people could overc…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 01:13 PM
1

He will never understand your point of view until he has to, we all knew the stats were divorce rate of 50% when we went into the deal, that’s absolutely nothing new, and we did it anyways thinking we were going to be on the right side of that coin flip. You can try to have the conversation about how it works “in general” but don’t apply it directly to his situation or he will resent you for it and you’ll lose him. He’s going to be his own man and he will have to learn for himself. I agree with …
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 10:59 AM
7

This stuff ebbs and flows and with her being as young as she is I think it's natural for her to have a preference for mom. Do the best you can to make the most of the time you have with her, plan fun activities and be PRESENT and active with things she likes to do. Work to get to 50% if that's what you aspire to, kids always benefit from both parents being attentive and active in their lives, she will grow to enjoy her time with you more in time. Just know it's a different kind of love they rece…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 06:06 PM
3

That's all these people are, they do stuff to drive clicks and the people who watch them can't connect the dots on that to differentiate from reality.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 02:01 PM
5

There needs to be study on people (especially women) being willing to accept anything they see on social media as undeniable truth.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 01:59 PM
1

You're not in a good headspace and you need to focus on yourself and getting to a better place. What anyone else is saying, about you or otherwise, is none of your business. You need to do something to gain some confidence and stop being so fragile.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 01:30 PM
6

Don’t sell him short man, he’s also a bag holder now! Going to be paying half that mortgage either way now with child support.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 02:30 AM
5

He’s either future faking her or he’s a loser and has to pretend to be fundad
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 11:12 PM
13

I’m going to be “that guy” for a minute but it’s not out of hate so I hope it doesn’t come across that way. I have a similar set up, place on 5 acres with my own stocked pond, near the river, motorcycles, classic cars, good career etc etc. Anytime I bring women to my place it’s a guaranteed ticket to fucking them, like literally 100% success rate. I did it a lot when my divorce was fresh but I kept none of them around long-term. Frankly there’s no chance I would’ve played daddy to some other kid…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 11:00 PM
4

This is the reason relationships can’t work after cheating. One party wants to try and move forward while the other can’t forget what happened, even if they want to forgive it. Irreparable damage.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 10:06 PM
15

You're playing your cards right. It's a long shitty path but it's much better when you're on the other side of it all, I promise you. Stand your ground, keep your cool, play the long game, take care of yourself, you got this. If you haven't already, google "Lightswitch Effect" and that'll give you a good idea of where her headspace is right now and what you're dealing with. Don't try to apply logic to any of it, it's not logical. DO apply sound business fundamentals because this is a business tr…
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 11:59 PM
2

Post-nups are enforceable if done right and if OP is playing the game to stack more chips in his corner knowing that it will probably not work out then it's strategically sound.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 12:13 AM
6

This is not a DIY thing if you want it to hold water. Each of you needs your own, SEPARATE, counsel with time for review and agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 12:12 AM
3

I wrote from experience so I 100% get it, I've been there too and it's something I am still working on and will likely have to work on until the day I die. It sounds like you're absolutely on the right track, keep winning my man.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 05:00 PM
2

I’m glad you had an awesome time but just a word of warning: try and find a way to give yourself that validation and feeling like you’re winning. If the only way you can get it is by the attention of a woman then that’s something you should be aware of and work to fix/change. You need to get to a point where you’re truly feeling like you’re winning regardless of external validation, though I totally understand that feeling good as fuck after what we’ve all been through. Not trying to shit on you…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 10:59 AM
13

lol bro…. Come on…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 11:58 PM
5

Your STBX will have to replace the same shit, it's literally the same either way. 2 households, 1 household worth of shit = 1 new household worth of shit to buy no matter how its split
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 09:38 PM
11

There’s middle ground between becoming totally jaded and living in ignorant bliss, just be aware of the game and play it accordingly. Life’s too short to not have sex and have fun, just acknowledge the game and don’t lose yourself in it
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 05:18 PM
6

The red pills "shit tests" personified right here. Holy shit.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 11:44 AM
10

She HAS already cheated to some degree, if she's testing the market enough to know that there are other dudes interested in her then she's made herself seem available to some degree in finding that out. You're on the right track that you shouldn't care at this point and straight up she will be doing things just to try and get at you now with divorce imminent. If you guys are done you have to do what you can to move to indifference and know that she's going to do whatever she wants to do now. You…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 11:43 AM
40

Whatever the fuck I want to do without being made to feel guilty for it. I would get nagged about DIY shit around the house that needed done but then when I took the time to actually do it got nagged about how she's having to take care of the kids alone. I'd want to go out and try new restaurants, take hikes, see new places, and then I would wake up and get ready to go only for her to be dragging her ass until 3p and then it was too late to actually go do what I wanted to do. It's just so nice t…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 02:28 PM
9

“I’m sorry, I’m not comfortable with you taking him out of state until the divorce is done and we have concrete custody orders in place”. Give her incentive to finish this shit.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 06:25 PM
2

All in with house refi, lawyer, cash, paid off F150 going to her, probably in the neighborhood of $120k.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 09:39 PM
2

International travel as OP stated he has is going to make that non-viable.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 02:19 PM
3

And my point is that as long as your happiness is subject to others' effort you will be disappointed. Don't wait on their effort or actions to "allow" your happiness, go seize it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 09:18 PM
7

Just go on the hike dude. Why are you tying your happiness to other people?
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 08:21 PM
5

To the contrary, I had to take a step back a bit from my career after my divorce as the job I had was too demanding for me to be present, happy, and available for my daughters with my 50% custody. I took a ~20% pay cut and changed jobs to something that was less demanding but still has some similar future upside to my previous role, though it will take a couple years to achieve. I am totally fine with all of the above and have zero regrets about any of it. Financially, even with the pay cut and …
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 02:09 PM
1

The scary part can be an opportunity for growth or an opportunity to give in to unhealthy temptations. Just try to make a plan for yourself and stick to it and you’ll come out the other side a better man.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 11:03 PM
4

It took a little time and frankly two job changes to get it down the way it needs to be, but I wouldn't trade it for anything now. I do a week on/week off, my relationship with my girls is as strong as it's ever been and I get a full week at a time to focus on myself and my interests as well. Best of all worlds. The way I look at it for a rose tint is this: when I was married I was with my kids 100% of the time, true, but their mom squeezed me out of a lot of the dad stuff that I get to do now. …
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 06:10 PM
2

It takes two to participate in that kind of BS. Just ignore her when she comes at you with it, it'll stop eventually because she won't find the fight she is looking for and she will get bored.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 03:40 PM
3

It's ok to say asshole on reddit my dude.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 03:39 PM
3

Your feelings are totally normal and the fact that you can acknowledge your role in all of it shows you're going to fly high when all of this is done. I was in a similar boat, lost my dad very suddenly in 2020 and that paired with demanding work I was not handling stress and grief well at all and was being a complete ass. Didn't get cheated on but it did end up in divorce, which frankly needed to happen. I tried to save it at the end but once it reaches that point it's pretty damn hard to come b…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 03:38 PM
15

And yet if the roles are reversed and the man doesn’t want the child but the woman does he’s on the hook for 18+ years of financial obligation. Financial abortion should be a thing too.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 12:28 PM
3

lawyerlawyerlawyerlawyer Do NOT let her move under the pretense that schools will be changed. Get your custody agreement in writing NOW with a lawyer and in front of a judge. Your 50/50 that you have now sets a precedent that will be favored by the court as it will be the most stable thing for your kid(s). Get this done ASAP, before school starts back up.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 04:27 PM
1

Was there like a question there? Bro, she’s pining for some other dude while trying to tell you she wants to be together when you already know it’s for convenience. Just cut the cord man.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 01:10 AM
1

And you also said Although I was clear that I thought mommy and her boyfriend were being very, very mean to me. Don’t do that shit to the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 08:15 PM
1

How you process memories of here is an exercise completely independent of her. That’s work for you to do with you.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 07:53 PM
2

You're not over it and you shouldn't be considering being friends or in a relationship until you are 100% completely over it. Forgiveness means letting alllllll of the bullshit go, you don't necessarily owe her that but if you're going to do it you need to do it all the way. You're not done processing it all yet, that much is a fact.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 04:28 PM
2

My dude if you're saying anything like that to your kids then you're way off base. You know it's wrong, we all know it's wrong but don't do that shit to the kids, they'll see it all for what it is in time. I think you think you're masterminding some kind of diabolical plan that literally nobody else is going to give a fuck about and at the end of the day is making you look bad and if I'm being frank, pathetic. Nobody will ever for a second think you're doing better or even good for yourself if y…
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 03:50 PM
3

Good luck. If you're the type of person to ask advice from people who've been through and then ignore it and do whatever you want anyways you're in for a rough time.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 02:18 PM
3

Just stop. You're spending too much effort on all of that. Indifference is the state you need to get to. You're justifying her in thinking of you as a bad guy every time you do or say stuff like that.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 02:04 PM
3

No. Nor should you try.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 02:02 PM
33

The market for 42 year old buttholes is not good.
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen31/05/24 07:55 PM
83

Instilling whoreish values in her daughters. 99% chance she has an OnlyFans and shows her butthole to strangers for $4.99/month.
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen31/05/24 04:50 PM
1

Absolutely wild.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 06:40 PM
4

How did she meet the 22 year old, just out of morbid curiosity?
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 02:40 PM
5

You can always try and revisit child support to go off of the state calculation later after the divorce has settled. If she goes after your shit, which she probably will, don’t get suckered into staying generous on child support, do everything by the books, don’t sign SHIT until it’s all been hashed out and agreed upon or you will lose your leverage.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 09:48 PM
7

Why would you ever spend this much time or effort hiding or skirting in any way that you're fucking someone new when the person you've been fucking decides to hit the eject button? Just do what the fuck you want.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/24 01:09 AM
5

Wait until your divorce is completely done and dealt with and then drop the hammer. No sense in stirring up a hornet's nest for yourself while making an exit.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 05:57 PM
3

Vent to your friends or a therapist. Do you really want to pay $300 for your lawyer to read that?
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/24 03:49 AM
5

He’s not being taken for a sucker, he’s being the sucker on his own. It doesn’t take a year to file. Dude needs to shit or get off the pot.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 07:11 PM
5

No
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 11:59 AM
1

There’s a kit for it on Amazon right next to the DIY vasectomy kit. Let professionals do what they do, how do you think this would ever be upheld in court?
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 02:19 PM
8

Dollars are dollars. Go after her retirement if she’s coming after your equity in the house.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 08:11 PM
6

Emotional tampon
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 12:25 PM
5

Keep parking in the driveway, that’s the safest place to do the exchange of the kid and that’s the only mention you should make of it. Their lawyer isn’t going to do shit about you parking in the driveway for an exchange, let them spend money trying to get him to.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/24 05:43 PM
1

Going up to the guy would be a response. Laser focus on what YOUR gym goals are, get in and get out. If she wants to cheapen herself by acting like a hoe then let her.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/24 11:37 AM
2

Do the exact opposite of whatever this shit is.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/24 11:36 AM
2

That's the standard, not really debatable.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/24 11:23 AM
6

This is exactly it, it all comes in waves. All the couples get married around the same time. All the couples have kids around the same time. Then happy the couples divorce around the same time.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 12:22 AM
5

No court will allow CS to become a bargaining tool for financial consideration. That’s not your money to negotiate, it’s the kids. You should stop listening to idiots and let lawyers do what lawyers do.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 04:03 PM
1

Talk to a lawyer, sometimes if you’re officially retired for some period of time before the divorce it can give you protection as it relates to alimony. You’ll want to ensure you’ve got your ducks in a row though so you’re not working until you die.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 01:32 AM
9

Give the energy that you receive.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 11:16 PM
4

I started dating about a week after she said she was done and filing, I had spent enough time with someone with next to no sex drive that I didn’t see the point in depriving myself from sex if I didn’t have to anymore. Frankly, you’re going to get a lot of women dropping your ass right off the bat when you tell them you’re divorcing but still living in the same house. Lots of dudes who are cheating on their wives say the same shit. Once you’re no longer under the same roof everything gets easier…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 01:57 AM
5

To be fair, divorce rate statistics are and have been well known and publicized for many years. I’ll own my own bullshit and say that I was well aware of them and was just naive thinking that I would never be a member of those statistics, ignorant to the fact that someone else also has to be making that choice. Takes two people saying yes to start it, only takes one saying no to end it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 04:09 PM
9

Mine SAID the same shit and then did something completely different. Know that what’s said and what will be done will not likely be the same
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 02:46 PM
6

Respectfully, your wishes don’t matter and these courtesies will almost certainly not be extended to you. They know they’re doing wrong and if you did things the same way they did they’d be pissed but that’s the way it is 90% of the time. You have to realize you control none of what she does now and to try to is just to give her ammo or examples of things to point at to victimize herself to your imaginary tyranny. Find a way to act indifferent.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 02:44 PM
16

It was going to happen at some point. Water off a ducks back, it doesn’t matter, ultimately.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 01:29 PM
14

1 - yes it's cheating, don't be an idiot. 2 - lawyer up now, you're going to need it if she's already calling the cops on you. 3 - don't move out until lawyer in step 2 tells you you're ok to do so. You better quit caring who she's fucking. She WILL be fucking other dudes, probably already is. You also better quit fucking her NOW. You're separating, so separate. She's not your emotional tampon, you're not hers. Don't talk to her about anything but business transactions which is what this relatio…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 12:12 PM
5

Let her try. Mine tried to do it while our divorce was pending. She tried to claim I was financially and emotionally abusing her but the group looked into it even at surface level and I showed that I had fronted her $80k on the settlement with the stipulation that she move out and then she refused to, she had the money in her bank account. They chastised her for wasting their time and that was that.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 04:23 PM
4

The problem is that going through a trauma like being cheated on completely ruins our compass for determining what constitutes evidence in the first place. It’s literally PTSD in some number of instances.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 05:44 PM
3

This wouldn't probably be enough for me to be worrying, personally, aside from the social media stuff which I don't think anyone would be appreciative of. I am at the point now where if I have to question things with someone then we just aren't meant to be together. Communication should be easy and open and this stuff should be able to be discussed among adults to a point of satisfaction or leading you to question. Don't tip your hand that you're feeling uneasy or lacking in confidence, just tal…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 05:17 PM
4

The quiet sucks in the beginning, there’s no doubt about it. It really makes you focus on what happened and where you’re going from here which is painful in the beginning but when you start to use that time to set and accomplish goals and self-actualize it starts to become something you look forward to and value. I still hate when my time with my kids ends but by the next day I’m loving life again in a quiet house that’s MINE.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 08:16 PM
5

Fuck no. She made her deal with new cock clouding her mind, let her live with it. She will come for child support in time so that will be yours to pay, beyond that let her sleep in the bed she made for herself.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 06:20 PM
7

Play the game on Hinge or Bumble or stay dry. Who cares if anyone sees you there? They’re there too if they’re seeing you.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 08:26 PM
3

Old habits die hard. You probably played the same roles for most or all of your marriage too and that can be hard to stop. They'll walk on you as long as you let them
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 05:16 PM
4

Piece of advice to anyone reading this: ALWAYS insist on them being the first one to give up THEIR time in trades until you 100% trust them. 90%+ of the time I see divorced guys make concessions with their time for a promised future concession and then that gets completely forgotten or ignored. The hardest part to watch is dudes keep making concessions anyhow and then continue to act surprised when their exes act the same way again. They concede first and then you match or it's sticking to what'…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 02:14 PM
16

Well... yea... Actions have consequences. Unfortunately you did basically everything this forum tells you NOT to do and now you have to be an unfortunate example of why. I hope you can battle back but you're at a fork in the road and you have to choose to be right or go left, one of those paths puts you in a better place and the other takes you down a long bumpy road that's going to be filled with this sort of spiraling and loss. Choose wisely.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 02:04 PM
5

No the fuck they don't. Divorce among women becomes the 'crabs in a bucket' metaphor personified.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 02:00 PM
4

Motivation is fleeting. Discipline is what you’re lacking.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 05:05 PM
15

An employer made a social media post about her being abused and jumping out a window and getting injured and still dealing with that injury. None of this sounds believable.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 06:50 PM
10

Children with present and available fathers have statistically MUCH better outcomes than those raised solely by their mothers. Personally I can’t understand consciously bringing kids into the world with no desire to be half of their upbringing, but that’s just me. 50/50 was my hill to die on and I was willing to burn every asset I had to get it if that was what it took, and that was with a job that I had to cover 4 states with 24/7 operations that I was in charge of. I took a step back from that…
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 11:11 PM
1

I’m ultimately more of a relationship person and have become a little bit of a serial dater now. First sign of bullshit I just make it clear that it’s not wanted or needed and if it can’t be fixed then we can’t be together. I’ve got my own bullshit too and I know myself well enough to know I’m probably not going to change a whole lot either so if it’s just not going to work then I am past the point in my life where I want to force anything. It’s either going to work or it’s not, and that’s fine.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 05:15 PM
9

I started dating/first date fucking like the week after she told me she wanted a divorce. I went without sex while I was married, I was going to be damned if I did the same now that I was under no obligation to.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 04:09 PM
8

I'd be making some shit up about a chick who would suck my dick from the back and lets me shoot all over her face anytime I want to, put it in her butt, to be telling her about and then see how accepting of that conversation she is all of a sudden.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 11:28 AM
3

This is a complete non-starter. The answer you should be giving her is "no", flat out. That would in no way be a good situation for the kid and it's a shitty idea for her to even suggest, I would guess the school near you would never go for it either. If/when push comes to shove the court will favor continuity for the kid which would mean they stay with you and she becomes a weekend mommy.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 09:41 PM
13

How many excuses are you about to make for this woman in one post?
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 08:42 PM
3

Do you or do you not have a final decree that has been stamped and signed off by a judge? Usually in that decree it specifically states an understanding that there is no alimony and that they will never qualify for alimony in the future, at least it does in my state. Read your paperwork. Lawyer up if you can’t do this yourself and understand that, nothing wrong with having limitations. She CAN come after you for child support if there’s a big income discrepancy, even with 50/50. Id say lawyer up…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 01:14 AM
7

Bro, why are you making arrangements to be a sugar daddy at all? Find someone who pulls their own weight. If you’re a paycheck on the front end you’ll be used for one upon exit too.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 09:07 PM
3

Why did you cheat? Is that reason going to change? If yes, work it out; if no, rip the bandaid off and only make it hurt once for her.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 06:11 AM
15

No, to apologize for literally anything would undermine the whole story she built as to why she hit eject in the first place. Zero chance she will ever confront actual reality when doing so would blow up the false reality she constructed for justification.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 01:49 PM
20

No, the other sub is already gynocentric, men get to have their own spot to and it’s right there in the title.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 10:28 PM
2

Confrontation, drama, conflict, compromise. They all want it to be 50/50 until they realize that they can’t maintain the lifestyle they want on that.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 10:57 PM
2

Yes, mine joined the cult of Q anon and watching Dr. Ramani on YouTube prior to our divorce. Has since joined the cult of Catholicism post-divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 04:04 PM
1

It’s easy to change your memory of it all when it’s just remembered words in your head. When you see it all on paper it hits you differently.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 02:30 AM
2

I'll be up front and say that I do not think that ultimatums create a healthy environment or foster a healthy relationship HOWEVER, I would create a list of changes that you need to see in her to be willing to stay with her. Have a communication with her about the needs you have from the relationship, what you feel has changed for the worse and where you would like to be ideally. Have a conversation with her about those things, be willing to listen to what items she needs from you and do your be…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 01:12 AM
2

Noticing how many people have similar stories is a huge part of why it's an instant dealbreaker for me now. Anecdotal, sure, but it's common enough to where I'm not fucking with it anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 05:03 PM
4

100% I did. This has become a dealbreaker for me as I am dating. They HAVE to have a good relationship with their family. If they're willing to cut off their own blood why would they ever not do the same to you eventually as well? If they can't work through problems in a productive fashion with their family why would they be able to do so with someone they're not related to? My ex's mom was just a shitbag person overall. Constantly looking for free money and to get over on someone, major debt pr…
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 04:28 PM
2

I was out $1000 on support payments OR I could pay my lawyer $xxx-$xxxx to deal with it in court. It’s a shit system where you lose no matter what.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 12:34 AM
5

To go along with what OP is saying, I live in a midwestern state that also requires all payments to go through the state. They did not have an account set up for me for two months after divorce finalized, I made payments via check to ex-wife, they finally set me up through the state and said I was 2 months delinquent and any payments made via check did not count.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 12:11 AM
8

Purpose #1 needs to be getting your rightful time with your child. Not "eventually", Monday as soon as a lawyer is in his office. You're not asking for something, you're taking what's rightfully yours. The longer you allow this to happen the way it is the more it becomes "the norm" in the eyes of the court. End it NOW. Purpose #2 is going to be to find your purpose. You built your whole life and identity around being a provider instead of a whole person - a lot of us (myself included) made this …
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 04:14 PM
12

Dude, take care of the fucking kids that you brought into the world. You have an ex on welfare who is trying to GIVE you 50% of the time with them and go back to work while you pay less than half what's due in child support? Quit being a fucking loser and step up to the plate to take care of your responsibilities, of which your girlfriend is not one. Holy shit.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 12:31 PM
2

And that’s her choice, he shouldn’t be on the hook for the penalty if she chooses to change the allocation of those dollars.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 07:11 PM
10

No. QDRO for transfer of retirement funds tax free. She wants liquidity and wants you to pay for the access to it. Fuck her.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 06:28 PM
3

No, it really is just as easily done as said, I promise you. Quit making excuses for yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 02:14 PM
7

Everyone else here has been very nice in their replies and I’m going to take a little different approach so buckle up. Grow a set of nuts and a spine and recapture your pride. She texts you when she is lonely and she has no other options and ignores you when you are in need because at that time she’s getting attention somewhere else and doesn’t need you, probably from the next guy whose wiener is going to be in her mouth. This post is the definition of being an emotional tampon, used to soak up …
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 01:48 PM
6

You better try to stop caring about shit like that or you're in for a rough ride. She already cheated on you (at least) emotionally, did you not think this was going to come once you alleviated her of the pretenses that she was a faithful spouse? Practice stoicism and grey rock indifference toward her. Find reasons to be out of the house - preferably ones that build you up (gym, hobbies, social interactions) and not ones that tear you down (bars, drugs, etc.). Do NOT show her any emotion - hurt,…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 12:04 PM
3

I don’t know if you’re hearing me. If you give the appearance that you’re on your heels reeling because you are (or were) an alcoholic then nothing good can come of that. It’s not court ordered, don’t do shit until it is. Do you think she’s the first woman to go in a court and say stuff like this about her ex in the middle of a divorce? Don’t perform any actions that give her claims credence.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 11:34 PM
6

Quit with the breathalyzer bullshit. You’re not an alcoholic, don’t give her saying so the credibility of proving her wrong constantly or that will become the formalized norm in court.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 04:20 PM
16

Adults in an adult relationship have an obligation to be able to communicate with one another. Too many people create too many covert contracts and just expect the other person to be able to know what’s needed or wanted without it being verbalized. They let shit build so big and then run from the problem rather than ever confront it and they’re weaker for it. Grow from the experience but know you did everything you could with the information and feedback you were getting.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 02:42 PM
1

If it’s its’ own corporate entity it wouldn’t need to, he would only need to report whatever salary he paid himself from said entity. The corporation would be paying its own taxes.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 09:54 PM
2

I fall well short of what they deserve all the time but I will never stop trying my hardest to do my best.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 08:44 PM
3

The biggest thing I’ve had to work on is to give them room to be kids and make mistakes without overreacting. Letting them feel like they can come to me and tell me that they messed up and trust that I’m not going to go off on them but that we will work together to fix whatever the problem is and learn whatever lesson that mistake holds in as positive a manner as possible. I think that’s been the foundation upon which our relationship is truly growing now.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 08:40 PM
5

When I was married I didn't get to be a dad who consoled their kids and got to handle some of the more tender moments. Ex got to do all of that and then came to me when she was fed up and needed a stronger hand with the girls to get them in line. I was fine with this for the most part in the moment but since the divorce and having to be their everything for a week at a time while they're with me I feel like we have a so much deeper relationship and they've opened up to me in ways that they never…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 08:17 PM
2

Divorce is a confrontational and adversarial process by nature. If you're seeking comfort in avoiding confrontation it comes at the cost of your best interest. If you're advocating for yourself there will be confrontation because anything that you "win", even if it's completely 50/50 fair, will be perceived as something that she "lost". Rip the bandaid off and get it over with, if you think it's good now then you will love what's on the other side of it being completely done.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 05:34 PM
8

Your last paragraph explains it all. If you’re awkward with people it doesn’t matter how much you earn or what you look like.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 04:25 PM
19

Agreed! We had a soon to be ex wife stalking her husband here the other day and I got a warning for laughing at her. Jannies gonna power trip Edit to add - the jannies aren't even Reddit employees, they're doing this 100% for free. That will tell you what kind of people they are, desperate to feel some power.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 01:41 PM
5

My attorney advised me to not do so until the divorce finalized.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 06:38 PM
3

Be ready for it all to ebb and flow, it’s not a linear process getting through and over it all. The bad thoughts become less frequent and the good stuff becomes more so in time, don’t hide from the shitty parts of it all, face them head on and you’ll be through it in no time
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 03:20 PM
2

lol!
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 12:31 PM
3

Be the kind of person you’d hope to attract. I’m not saying this to be an ass but you talk about “misfits”, what are you at 100lbs overweight? Don’t do it for anyone but yourself, you can choose to make time for your health or be forced to make time for your illness, the choice is yours.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 08:05 PM
7

K now do women who watch “Maid” on Netflix and then pretend like their husbands were abusive to them during divorce even though there’s literally nothing to tangibly point to showing abuse.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 08:24 PM
10

Show me anywhere in red pill text where it says to hit women?
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 06:28 PM
5

Drawing a boundary on your wife telling another man “love you” who she’s not related to who flirts with her and buys her shit is not asking too much. Ask her why she needs that attention and how she would feel if the tables were turned and it was you getting this from a woman. It’s not a healthy relationship, regardless if she fucks him or not.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 05:52 PM
1

This is some of the best advice that will unfortunately never be read by the men who need to read it most.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 01:49 PM
13

What kind of tit baby bullshit is this? Fucking soft.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/23 05:21 PM
-1

Going to 100% disagree with you.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 08:39 PM
0

You mention a lack of inward looking but I think you’re off base on that. The number of men who are accused of being abusive, manipulative, etc, is exponentially higher than the number who are actually committing those acts. While, yes, there is real value in being introspective and owning your own bullshit there is a lot of value in using that introspection to decide which of the shit that was put on you by your ex isn’t yours to hold to, and frankly there’s a lot that fits that bill. I, too, w…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 03:31 PM
18

Lol stay home for fucking what? I will be your stay home girlfriend if you're just handing money out. Find a partner my dude.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 10:08 PM
8

Use her desire to have this guy move in as a carrot to dangle to incentivize her to finish the divorce amicably and quickly. Once that relationship blows up (it will) she will focus all of her negativity on you and make your life hell. Get the bullets out of the gun now while you can.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 05:41 PM
6

You don’t fight it. Take some time to be introspective, own your bullshit in the whole thing, be willing to place acknowledge and place her bullshit on her, be wise enough to know the difference. Use the pain and questioning to drive you to improvement and come out the other side a better person who can accept what happened but chooses to move on.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/23 09:48 PM
19

I remember when i found out I was getting divorced and it was like the vision I had for the next 30 years was just completely ripped away from me, much of that revolving around my relationship with my kids. It absolutely sucks, there’s no way around it. However, in time you will rewrite that future accordingly and you get to put yourself at the center of it now, as you should. Im 2 years out now and EVERYTHING has gotten better. Maybe it’s a cope but I honestly can’t imagine my life anymore stil…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 07:40 PM
21

Someone who's going to be there for you in illness is going to be there whether you're married or not. Someone who's going to disappear when shit is hard is going to do that whether you're married or not.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/23 09:03 PM
6

Why would you solely take on all of the marital debt? Fuck that, all equity minus all debt, split is 50/50. Don't do her any favors, you're not her husband anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/23 02:56 PM
9

Does her threatening that you need to give her money for shit when you're already paying for everything feel amicable to you? If you do it you're setting a precedent and that becomes the floor for what will be expected of you forever going forward. Don't agree to shit that isn't court mandated.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 07:21 PM
4

Don't pay shit until the court orders it. What has your lawyer said about all of this?
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 06:51 PM
46

The thing is that there is growth in discomfort. When you're alone you're forced to look inward for happiness rather than outwardly and you truly FIX what needs fixing that way if you face it. Nothing wrong with getting your nuts drained if that's what you're doing but don't place all (or really any large percentage) of your happiness on another person.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 05:30 PM
6

I think there is some conflation here with red pill and MGTOW. Red pill identifies what the actual rules to the game are and encourages one to maximize the advantages of that recognition to play the game maximally whereas MGTOW withdraws from the game completely. There are men here of both mindsets, and understandably too. Statistics are what they are and what can feel or read like misogyny to some here can generally be backed up by statistics. Of course men who are or have gone through shitty d…
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/23 05:30 PM
4

Parents get right of first refusal to their children. Not by default they don't. And then if you get it written into the parenting plan good luck finding a court who gives a shit.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 05:08 PM
3

Generally once the divorce is finalized.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 05:05 PM
1

Extracurriculars are non-essential. ​ The exact language is: The parties shall divide all other direct, reasonable, and necessary expenses for the minor children with Plaintiff paying 50% of said expenses and Defendant paying 50% of said expenses. Expenses will be agreed to by both parties in writing before being incurred. At least quarterly the parties shall exchange and compare documentation of the expenses they have paid for their children. The expenses shall be added together and each party'…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 03:26 PM
1

That’s correct. Anything they don’t NEED to have is a choice. If you both choose it, great, split it 50/50. If one of you wants to choose it you don’t get to choose it for the other parent as a default, as it should be.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 12:13 PM
2

Essential is anything the court would mandate, generally medical expenses and daycare expenses. Non essential is anything else. Essential is essential, you don’t get a choice if you want to pay and that was divided 66%/34% by the court based on our incomes.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 12:10 AM
6

I did. I put in "All non-essential expenses will be split 50/50 only after both parents agree to making the purchase." You can cut down on a LOT of bullshit this way right out of the gate. I pay 66% of essential expenses, told her she needed equal skin in the game on other shit and that she didn't get to control my budget beyond what was mandated by the gov't.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 08:09 PM
22

My ex had what I kind of classify as a mental health breakdown as well. You can try to divert it but you will become the bad guy for it, always. Leave her to herself and her tarot cards, give her the dogs, divorce her and get her out of your life for good. Move on.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 04:03 PM
5

That guy is who your replacement is, straight up. She's monkey branching.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/23 04:36 PM
2

I went through this but had the misfortune of having two kids with her and amassing some wealth before she decided to become super religious. Just be prepared for the "you can have everything, I just want out" to change very quickly. There's about a 10% chance of her actually sticking to that. At some point you're going to have been an "abuser" and a "narcissist" and she's going to come after what she feels she's owed. Most women cannot just walk away, they have to create a villain to hate in th…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/23 04:35 PM
4

I lucked out big time in that my ex was a quitter and my legal fees stayed under $10k. I did get to write her a 6 digit check and send her a fully paid off F-150 XLT with under 50k miles though so from that standpoint the total cost to me was over $100k.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/23 01:54 PM
3

It was Dubbya.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 12:15 AM
2

$1000/month you say? So then the dad should pay $500 and the mom should too. Why does that burden belong solely on the dad? Also your post is full of other retardation, no child left behind was not an Obama thing nor does it have anything to do with child support or custody at all. Why are you just talking out your ass?
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 11:50 PM
6

Nowhere did I say women specifically. Don’t fuck and procreate with shit bags, problem solved.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 09:55 PM
7

Now shitty parents who withhold their children to even in part maximize their CS earnings will not be incentivized to do so because paying parents can opt out of the bullshit.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 09:31 PM
8

Soooo 16 months ago you filed then or ?? Why are you "asking" to discontinue your marriage?
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 06:27 PM
2

The mom's thoughts don't create your reality. Don't live chained to that delusion and DAMN sure don't play into it and your life will be a whole lot better. If you have any custody time at all with your kid then YOU get to dictate what your relationship with them is, ultimately.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 06:52 PM
15

So quit making your world revolve around one person. Give back what you get and no more and do what makes you happy.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 04:47 PM
-2

There's nothing here to address, her house her rules, your house your rules. Ultimately, who gives a shit?
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 04:19 PM
7

Some states have an appeal window but it's generally (at least in my state) pretty short.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 08:24 PM
5

If you were smart you would have called the cops and reported the car as stolen first and foremost but then very little about this post makes any sense anyways.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 07:36 PM
3

That's cool, then you can get 50% and she can pay you child support. Just know you hold some chips and don't get bullied.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 06:01 PM
11

Just ignore her. Nobody gets reparations in a breakup.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 05:35 PM
28

"LOL no." That's all that's warranted there.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 05:34 PM
10

This is all a total cock block move to try and keep you from getting laid.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 06:19 PM
3

What the fuck are you even talking about? How would her getting married have anything to do with child support?
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 12:43 PM
16

I fucked a lot of strange.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 06:44 PM
13

The worst part of the process was getting to the point where I had to acknowledge that the future I saw all laid out before me was just complete fiction and that I had been fooling myself into believing it was truth for way too long. Divorcing obviously shook the trust I had placed in my now ex-wife but much more difficult it shook me to my core with the trust I had for myself in being real about the experience I was going through and what I accepted for myself from a partner. 3 months before sh…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 12:45 PM
77

buttler/bodyguard/banker with benefits Easier to say "a dad that they can fuck".
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen15/09/23 05:19 PM
1

Don’t fight about it. It’s a simple “no” and that ends the discussion. Do you have legal representation? If not you need to lawyer up literally tomorrow.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 01:10 AM
3

Cash at your expense.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 01:09 AM
7

No sale without financial agreements in place and legally binding! The house and how it’s handled is a bargaining chip, she wants it gone quickly, use that knowledge to play your hand accordingly.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 11:12 PM
1

Yea, the state of delusion is the only place this would exist.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 07:33 PM
4

Please do tell which state lets you prenup stipulations about child support?
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 06:20 PM
7

ok with a prenup that establishes equitable child support amounts and a 65/35 asset split for infidelity This is 100% unenforceable just so you know.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 05:23 PM
78

They would need to have wealth/assets/income equal to or greater than those of my own, they'd need to be agreeable, they'd need to have a sex drive that matched my own, they'd need to have similar interests and life views.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 04:53 PM
12

Who gives a shit. Let it slip off like water off a duck's back.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 01:00 PM
6

This is a “necessary child expense” in my decree.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 02:20 AM
6

If it wasn't apparent from u/NohoTwoPointOh text above, no judge is going to do shit about any of this. If you want to waste your time and money on a legal effort pursuing it then by all means don't listen.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 02:48 PM
1

You can't.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 01:32 PM
2

In my decree it's specified that childcare necessary for purposes of education or employment are to be split like any other essential expense is (like healthcare). ​ Say you need payment receipts for reimbursement or better yet just get it set up where you're paying the care provider directly and no money ever has to go to her.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 01:49 PM
3

Have the consultation with a lawyer, ask these questions, do what they tell you to do. Do you expect the process to be combative? Do you have kids? Do you have much in the way of assets? Asking how much it will cost is like asking how long a piece of string is, or how high up is. It depends. I lucked out and my wife quit during the divorce so I got out of it for ~$5k in legal fees + the 6 digit check I had to write for her half of assets, other guys here are 6 digits into legal fees before ever …
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 05:43 PM
2

This is exactly what I say to people who suggest I should get dogs all the time. When I don't have my kids a week at a time I LOVE being able to just drop everything if I want to and go wherever I want to whenever I want to without having to worry about anything or anyone else. Fuck taking something else on that could be mine to take care of for 15 years, I have no idea where I'll be or what I'll be doing in 15 years.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 04:39 PM
3

I've reached the same level of indifference when it comes to women in my life. If one leaves there are 5 others waiting on the apps to fuck on the first date.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 03:54 PM
20

Says she always used protection. Lol they always do. Did she insist you wear protection the first time you guys fucked or were you "special"?
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 07:54 PM
8

Don't try to press on the dating thing, you need to process what you're going through fully before you're going to have anything of value to offer anyone else. I was similar to you, together 12 years and married 7, two young kids, but there was no cheating etc. leading up to the divorce. I am sure having that be a factor can absolutely make it all harder to process. I would say that I think I was probably a good 12 months into everything before I truly started to feel indifference to her and the…
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 02:33 PM
8

I would say get your ducks in a row with a lawyer before you do ANYthing, when you are filed you can have the talk with her in an at least semi-private place but be prepared to record the whole thing just in case. Have an out as it relates to your living situation if you have no assets or kids.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/23 09:20 PM
5

Exercise, immerse yourself in a hobby or activity.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 11:59 PM
2

I lost my dad and divorced 5 months later as well. I am sorry for what you're going through. Find someone to talk to if you haven't already. Counseling for myself was probably the best thing I've ever done for myself while going through all of this.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 01:11 PM
3

Did you forget you OP'd from a burner?
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 02:39 PM
2

Yea you’re paying out half the equity then
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 04:03 PM
2

If she has a lawyer worth a shit they will at least make a claim for increased equity during the marriage but you should be able to fight the claim.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 03:52 PM
2

Is she on the deed or loan in any way for the house?
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 03:40 PM
4

I would say you have about a 0.5% chance of being granted an anullment after 9+ years of marriage, not going to happen. Do NOT OFFER ALIMONY UP FRONT. You may not be obligated to pay anything but if you volunteer it they will definitely take it. Start at 80/20 in your favor and then work to negotiate to 50/50 (which it's going to become anyhow). If you start at 25/75 in her favor you will get ass-fucked with no lube. Stop talking about doing her favors or wanting her to have a good life, she is …
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 02:52 PM
2

Quit simping for you ex. Don't do husband shit for someone you're not a husband to.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 02:49 PM
5

It's definitely going to be about as smooth as it gets for you but the best divorce still fucking sucks. The good news is that you can have a clean break once the divorce is done and you never have to talk to her again. How long have you been married? What is the income difference between you and her?
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 02:14 PM
1

From https://jacobsberger.com/how-can-i-get-my-child-emancipated-in-new-jersey/#:~:text=How%20a%20child%20can%20become,submit%20it%20to%20the%20court. ​ How a child can become emancipated in New Jersey If both parents agree to emancipate their child, they can sign a request to terminate any child support and submit it to the court. If only one parent wants to emancipate their child, then they can either negotiate the terms and enter into an agreement, or file an application where they must prese…
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 01:34 PM
1

In my state child support can be modified based on your income changing. Not sure how it works here on alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/23 06:52 PM
8

soon-to-be-ex-wife. Google is a thing you know.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 12:01 PM
2

I got the same shit when I cried when "we" told my then 6yo daughter that we were divorcing, was told that it's not right to cry in front of them blah blah blah. I agreed in the moment but after time realized how fucked up it was to say that. Why would it not be ok to show a kid that you are affected by something that is DAMN SURE going to/already is affecting them? You should instead act like they're the only ones going to feel shit? I say as men we should model the healthy expression of emotio…
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 06:36 PM
24

So wtf was the rash and pregnancy test about then? You're just going to continue to lie to yourself about all of that? Did you ever get an STD test? Out of curiosity did you ever take the weight back off?
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 05:47 PM
2

The house you bought is community property, it doesn't matter where the funds came from. All equity in that will be split now. Go see the doctor, tell him honestly what happened, call the cops and press charges. Hire a lawyer NOW. File NOW. Listen to what the lawyer tells you to do.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 08:37 PM
4

Step 1, get a pet! Can't agree with this, personally. This is a time of frequent and often unpredictable change (especially if you don't have kids). Tying myself to a pet that could live 10-20 years was the last thing I wanted to do and I am SO thankful for it as I can do whatever the fuck I want to do whenever the fuck I want to do it now when I don't have my kids and it's glorious.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 04:28 PM
37

People who make their whole lives revolve around another person will often find themselves alone. That's too much shit to put on someone else. I think most of us here come to the realization that the person we were when we were married was not whole and until you come to that realization and begin the pursuit to becoming a WHOLE singular person you're going to have to struggle. This is all part of the process and there are no shortcuts or cheats to get through it faster, we all have to walk our …
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 04:25 PM
3

It's not that hard.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 03:00 PM
9

Live the same way without getting the gov't involved in your relationship. Why is this such a difficult concept?
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 02:12 PM
4

The first and most urgent step is that obviously you need to gain employment again. Forget about what's lost at this point, it's gone. Get employed and stop the hemorrhaging now. Are you near Denver or another large metro area? If not, get there now while you can and apply for everything you can and get some money coming in. You sound like you need some mental health help as well but the fact of the matter is that there is very little of that available for free so you're going to have to have a …
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 08:37 PM
2

So what's your plan? Don't just marinate in the shit, if you're going through it - KEEP GOING. What's your trade? What's your general location?
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 08:05 PM
8

There will be ebbs and flows with this and as much as it sucks and can hurt the pendulum WILL swing back in your direction in time. Just be the best dad you can be and your daughter will notice and appreciate that.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 06:00 PM
1

As long as you're not making YOURSELF the target for providing for you will never be happy and, frankly, you won't be giving a good example to those you act like you're providing for. The best gift you can give to those you care for is to show them an example of being a WHOLE human being who practices self-care. If you're not making yourself a priority nobody else will either.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 03:18 PM
15

No, bullshit. When people are wrong we are doing a disservice to not tell them they're wrong. We don't cater to men who come in here with a savior complex wanting to give everything material to their cheating STBX, why should we participate in dumbass delusions like this?
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 03:16 PM
18

This is a you problem and you're putting your problems on all men. My life is MUCH more peaceful post-divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 03:14 PM
4

Who cares?
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 03:12 PM
13

No. What would be the point? You're getting divorced. Your marriage is done. Accept that.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 03:11 PM
1

Exactly
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 03:10 PM
2

But who cares?
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 03:09 PM
30

The woman you married is gone. Try to practice indifference as to what she is doing, do everything you can to get out of the situation that has you living together and the break becomes easier. It's a process, she's trying to take a shortcut but that's not going to work. Go through it all how you feel you need to and don't try and fill the void with anything meaningful, you won't have anything meaningful until you're through what you're feeling now.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 01:49 PM
2

People who WANT to work it out STAY and work it out. She doesn’t want to. Drop the bomb on her ass and file.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/23 03:41 PM
4

You have to petition the court for a modification.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 06:01 PM
2

This is exactly it. Best practice is to have it done well in advance of the wedding and use a separate lawyer who advises only your significant other do the review with them.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 05:30 PM
-5

2 days before the wedding yes, absolutely.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 05:11 PM
7

She's claiming she signed under duress, you're admitting she did, this is exactly why prenups get thrown out.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 04:50 PM
8

You don't need to expect to receive it in order to ask for it. Ask for EVERYTHING you're entitled to and then some and then negotiate backwards from it toward 50/50.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 03:36 PM
12

Dude, stop trying to negotiate her into loving you. Is that the kind of love you feel that you are deserving of, ultimately? She's telling you she's done, she's SHOWN you she's done, believe it! You're just going to prolong the pain by trying to bargain your way through all of this shit. Start being selfish NOW and make yourself your top priority, nobody else is going to. She's making more than you? Great, go for alimony and child support. Get rid of the motorcycle ASAP and into something that y…
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 03:19 PM
1

The only reasonable explanation I've ever been able to come up with is that they are liars, straight up. At a certain point in a relationship trust has been earned and is freely given and they betray that trust. That's on them, not you.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 04:15 PM
4

Mine did not, she did, however, get invisalign for her already almost perfect teeth and I got to pay for that.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 01:13 PM
11

No, the one leaving should go.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 06:56 PM
11

Why not just start doing all the shit you want to do and NOT divorce her...? What's she going to do, divorce you?
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 06:07 PM
11

If you take care of yourself you can legitimately find a woman who also does, however, they’re certainly in the minority, same as it is for men. You have to be bringing something to the table yourself because they will have high demand so you need to be exceptional. For me, personally, it was fucking amazing being with new women, still is. Going from scripted compliance sex or no sex at all to passionate sex with new partners was like a new awakening within myself that I was worth affection and …
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 11:17 AM
4

I think we all have to choose a hill to die on, 50/50 custody was mine. Custody and financial matters are the ones to actually fight over, nobody gives a shit who was mean to who in the marriage, ultimately, and it's not a position to try and argue.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 07:30 PM
5

I would explain to him that you felt it was something important to have her know and that you understand that it's hard for him to talk about with his mom so you brought it up with her. I wouldn't want him to find out you told her from her and be caught off guard by it. If your ex can't handle any kind of criticism from your kids about how they're feeling about things though then ultimately you have to just stop taking the issues to her. She needs to manager her own relationship with the kids no…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 04:43 PM
17

Your kid came to you in confidence looking for reassurance and might be feeling betrayed that you took that to her - which would've been the right move if you were still married, but you're not. I've done the same thing maybe twice and after seeing my ex basically lash out at my young daughters I will never make that mistake again. This is someone who willingly and knowingly blew up her family to go "live her best life". Don't expect any bit of rationale to be used now, she already jumped the bi…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 04:29 PM
9

Of course she's going to be inclined to fight the accusation, same as you are here doing now. Just go no fault and get it done. Takes two to fight and there will be plenty of legitimate things to fight over soon. Don't waste your time, energy, and money on dumb shit like this.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 04:21 PM
16

You're both going to spend a lot of money for no reason trying to prove fault at all. Cut your losses and get the divorce done quickly to get the fuck away from her.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 03:34 PM
26

Don't listen to her. You are not financially abusing her, this is the same bullshit that every divorcing wife tries to say. She has the means to leave anytime she wants to, that's not financial abuse. File now, right after this it becomes mental/emotional abuse.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 03:20 PM
3

These posts are fucking retarded, 100% fake.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 10:55 AM
13

r/thathappened
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 10:54 AM
6

None of this matters. If your account is stacked with cash and hers is overdrawn she still gets half of yours. Make a habit of not having money just sitting in your account now, if you do a mass withdrawal leading up to filing it will be noticed.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 04:18 PM
2

Still worth 1/10 what you paid for it. Mine sold the ring I paid $5k for for $750 at a jewelry store.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 02:51 PM
1

If it's not actual gold it's worthless.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 02:45 PM
2

Good luck. If it's not gold it's essentially worthless.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 02:43 PM
2

No, you can get them new for like $40 man.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 02:42 PM
17

Start "depleting" cash reserves, stop contributing, start "spending" a lot more cash. Start attacking marital debts with actual marital funds
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 02:42 PM
12

My ex-wife worked in a normal office environment and this was the same thing, this is just women in general.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 11:54 AM
3

That's called forcing signature under duress, great way to completely invalidate the whole thing.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/23 03:17 PM
3

Many individual states have rules/laws around when kids can be left alone, my particular state doesn't have a law but does have DHHS guidance of 6yo being "ok" to leave home alone for short stints. See what your state says, fact of the matter is that if guidance is that it's ok for 6yo to be alone at home nobody will do anything about it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/23 12:56 PM
3

Those aren't even petty games, those are indicators of a selfish ass person being a selfish ass person, plain and simple.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/23 12:21 PM
16

90% of them are “abused”.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/23 02:18 PM
8

Lol I got divorced for similar "financial and emotional abuse".
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/23 05:12 PM
16

You say you don't have anything and you quit engaging with random women asking you for videos, that doesn't happen in real life.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/23 02:38 PM
12

"NO". That's a complete sentence.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 09:46 PM
2

Impressive. I was hoping for something automated because no chance I will stay that dedicated to it all.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 05:23 PM
1

What app are you compiling this data in to get these graphs? I like it!
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 05:00 PM
4

Give her not a fucking thing that the court isn't ordering.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 03:00 PM
3

Bro, they work from home... says right in the post.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 02:14 PM
36

I’ve got bad news for you: AP WILL be around the kids. Her not being lonely is a bandaid and whatever is in her that’s broken that contributed to the marriage dissolving will never be worked on or improved. Feel your feelings, go through the process instead of masking it with the company of a piece of shit and focus on yourself and working on yourself. You’ll come out the other side sooo much better and stronger for the work, trust me.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 12:32 AM
13

I definitely cringe at who my ex has become at this point.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/23 05:27 PM
5

I just can't ever agree with this take. Just go into interactions with women knowing what the real deal is going forward. It's too easy to win the game every time when you know what the real rules are to stop playing all together.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/23 01:04 PM
20

Coparenting with someone that you're fundamentally just not going to agree with.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 08:17 PM
3

Lol unfortunately we have to face truths head on to get through this shit. My ex was “never going to be with another man ever again” and we are 18 months out from our divorce finalizing and she’s about to get married again.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 04:10 PM
5

She won’t be lonely. Just saying.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 02:13 PM
1

There is case law setting precedent that they’re community property, unfortunately. Hopefully she doesn’t know about or understand them and it’s a non issue.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/23 08:41 PM
1

Plus side, it should be a lot easier to catch her fucking a guy once you move out if you can be covert.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 07:39 PM
2

You're not answering my questions specifically so I can't give you specific advice. The point I was getting at is that if you have other assets that you can send her way in lieu of cashing her out of the house - with the stipulation that she agrees to accepting those as well - then it gives you options. Since you're providing no details nobody can help you on that front.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 03:05 PM
1

Is the mortgage SOLELY in your name or just your name is on it WITH your STBX? What's your total equity in the house? Do you (and/or she) have any cash or retirement accounts, and if so what is the total of those? Any other assets that are not underwater to divide (cars, etc.)?
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 02:27 PM
1

Quit claim needs to be signed for her to be payed out her equity.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 11:38 AM
1

Did you forget you OP'd from an alt?
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 02:05 PM
5

You're going to be pushing 50 by the time you know someone well enough to even consider having kids. You're going to make some bad decisions in that arena thinking like you are and pushing for that. IMO you should let that hope go now.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 12:54 PM
3

I can answer honestly that I was way too stressed out with a job that had me on the phone 6 and 7 days a week and with my dads sudden passing in 2020. I didn't get help talking about it all like I should have and was being a grumpy asshole.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 11:43 AM
3

You can hire lawyers on a limited scope. None of them are just going to show up in court with you, how would they know if you're fucking up if they know nothing about your case?
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/23 04:53 PM
6

You can be there for your daughter and also not make yourself available for the SM bullshit. Your daughter will notice you're not there, she doesn't care about all the bullshit, she just wants her dad to be there for her. Be the bigger man and don't give them the satisfaction of knowing that it pisses you off. The best revenge is being happy and living a great life.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/23 12:54 PM
8

No, to the contrary actually.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/23 04:20 PM
3

Police will not give a shit, unfortunately. This is something to handle through court. I wouldn't even want the furniture back at this point because she will probably fuck it up for spite.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/23 01:21 PM
2

Why do you give a shit?
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/23 12:45 PM
9

With divorce rate at 50% it IS unfortunately as 'normal' as anything else. If you're trying to have sex a bunch still it's as easy as ever, if you've not invested anything into yourself via healthy diet, exercise, having a good profession you're going to struggle. Why would anyone else want to fuck with you if you don't give a shit about yourself? If the above doesn't apply to you it's as easy as shooting fish in a barrel. Just take your time and be responsible.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 06:33 PM
14

Don't yet. Last thing that needs to happen is for a child to start talking about a new woman while there's already a battle going on.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 02:42 PM
9

I didn't say to stop calling. I said to stop having preconceived expectations of those calls. The call is for the child to use as they want to, not YOU. If they opt for a short call and to not talk, that's fine.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 02:39 PM
8

Remember you're calling for the kid's sake, not for your own. If she doesn't want to talk, don't try and force her to. Deal with what you're feeling about it on your own, it's on you. I have nightly calls with my girls while they're with their mom too, sometimes they'll want to talk for 30+ mins and sometimes they just say they don't want to talk, love you miss you bye, and that's fine. Kids live in the moment and don't think about things the way we do.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 01:47 PM
8

Do nothing. Any reaction is a reflection on you, not her.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 01:06 PM
4

I call it a victimhood complex
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 08:39 PM
16

You're not seeking to be cold, you're seeking to be indifferent. Keep on with the grey rock, in time the act of indifference becomes actual indifference. It's not anything you're doing TO her, it's something you're doing FOR you. It takes two people to argue and fight and people like her are looking for ways to assert themselves and put a stamp of "I'm right" on every interaction they have with you. If you stay disengaged they have no opportunities to do this anymore and they move on to and focu…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 08:37 PM
5

She didn't WANT to save it. She wanted an excuse to end it and sought out strangers to give her those.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 07:30 PM
13

Listen to the lawyer who knows the law that you're paying for her professional services. You can start at alimony but it's going to be a negotiation and this is a chip that you hold right now, it can eventually be negotiated away in the event there are other things of value. Start asking for everything, move to 50/50.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 03:48 PM
30

I honestly already know that to be the case and I think it would just piss me off to be told that at any point. As with everyone else here the divorce was 100% my fault according to her during the split.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 02:50 PM
19

Hire a lawyer, now. Don't make promises for anything less than 50/50 of anything. Everything in your life is now a bargaining chip. Even if you don't want it but know she does, she has to negotiate for it with something that you want. REPEAT: HIRE A LAWYER NOW. DO NOT WAIT.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 07:02 PM
20

They somehow never expect to have to play on a level playing field. They think they should be special, every single time.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 06:35 PM
4

She is totally not on board with anything that would restrict where she chooses to live. No court will ever endorse this unless you willfully agree to it. It's pretty standard stuff that no parent can just abscond with the children at their whim.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 05:29 PM
3

Don't settle shit until she meets you in the middle. This needs to be mediated before you sign anything and legally enforceable. She's already showing you how willing she's going to be to negotiate on it later.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 05:27 PM
3

Would she still be in the same city/county or school district for that matter? My decree says any move out of the above areas would have to be agreed upon or lead to forfeiture of time with kids.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 03:43 PM
1

You better get filed NOW.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 02:57 PM
2

It's not karma, it's people who make bad decisions while they have a safety continuing to make the same bad decisions when they burn that safety net and then all of a sudden have to suffer the consequences of it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 02:38 PM
2

If you have two kids 50/50 for example, each of you claims one kid each year, you can each claim HoH when filing, provided your decree/parenting plan is in support of this being the case.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 07:44 PM
3

Multiple kids should be claimed alternating years so HoH can be claimed by both parents on an individual child each.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 03:37 PM
3

Counterpoint to this is that anytime you're doing anything your ex is going to know about it and that can (and will) be weaponized against you. If you truly want a division of yourself from your ex leave this out or you will ALWAYS be unhealthily intertwined imo.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 03:36 PM
1

This. Guessing OP isn't operating the business from a separate business entity which complicates things though.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 02:31 PM
6

Mine watched hours upon hours of Dr. Ramani videos on YouTube so she was basically a PhD.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 05:40 PM
9

Just stay NC and the bullshit will stop. Time heals all.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 12:58 PM
1

The answer is "no" and that's done. Just say no.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 12:43 PM
2

$2k/month for how long? E: just saw 5 years. Yes, I'd say doing 50/50 would be the more favorable option just for time-value of the money, especially in a high inflation environment that we are currently living in. Figure 7% return on the dollars to you, minus 3-7% value in inflation over time to whoever is holding cash.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 12:36 PM
2

This is a hard question to answer without knowing what the dollars tied to each/both decision(s) are. The time-value of money has to be taken into consideration. Why can't you transfer dollars from the retirement account tax free via QDRO?
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 12:13 PM
75

"He's a narcissist!" - He said no to literally anything at any point.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 09:23 PM
29

Don't do ANYthing that can cause drama until everything is stamped and signed by a judge and entered to record. It will just give her reason to make your life difficult whereas right now you have leverage to have things go the way you want them to. When it's all said and done I would 100% blow it all up.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 02:19 PM
1

Google "the lightswitch effect", you'll understand it a little better. That's exactly how mine went as well, it just wasn't nearly as dragged out as yours has been, fortunately. Went from (I thought) happily married to getting accused of being an abusive narcissist and unfit parent to completely and officially divorced in 92 days.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 08:30 PM
7

This sounds like it's going about as well as it can so far. Some things to expect: if you have any home equity she's going to want her share of it for sure, don't think otherwise. Her "gosh I just want to be alone!" will be forgotten pretty quickly and you'll find out she's seeing other guys, just know that now. The only way through all of this is to face it head on, accept that it's happening and push through it. It sucks but it does get easier in time.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 06:59 PM
11

Lol “no”.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 05:49 PM
8

Start at 90/10 in your favor and work to negotiate back to at least 50%. If you come with nothing they'll try and dictate what you're going to get. Make every single asset a negotiating chip until you're satisfied. You should be getting half the equity in the house, half her retirement, minus half your retirement. Looks to me like 50% custody, $100k from the house, $125k ($150k minus the $25k from yours) from her retirement, and alimony should be your ending point, start higher than that.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 05:21 PM
1

My parents divorced amicably in their 60's, my divorce was not amicable. I don't necessarily hate my ex anymore but the divorce process in and of itself is combative and adversarial, add to that some false abuse allegations against me and it was hard to NOT hate her for a while. We all get through the process in our own way.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 04:10 PM
4

Student loan debt is only his to pay if it was incurred fully prior to marriage, otherwise it's community debt.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 05:20 PM
9

I think experiences like this can shake us to the core so badly because not only does it show us that we never really knew our ex-wives but it also erodes our trust in ourselves as well, not being able to judge someone that you think you know as much as humanly possible about. That sense of doubt never really fully goes away once it sets in. It sounds like you're doing the best you can to overcome everything and turn it into an improvement for yourself. Have faith that time will take care of the…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 05:18 PM
3

Lol you're not getting married dude. Leave single because she's going to be single as soon as you leave, whether you want to admit it or not.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 01:49 PM
35

Appreciate the fact that she's not yours, it's just your turn.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 08:14 PM
4

I started dating like the week after my ex said she wanted divorce. She had the lowest sex drive of anyone healthy young adult I’ve ever met, if I went sexless while married I was done being sexless once divorce was decided upon.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/23 05:30 PM
1

Yes… that’s the as-is price. Why would you be responsible for solely footing the bill for a deck and new floors? She needs to pay her half if she wants to enjoy them.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/23 11:24 AM
2

I agree with you but he’s just reaching a point where he can spread his wings out from under his bitch mom as he enters college and is hopefully getting away from her more now. It’s not as simple as a switch that flips upon graduation from high school and turning 18.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 11:26 PM
3

You need to read No More Mr. Nice Guy right now. Try and implement the changes in your relationship and if they don’t work just divorce. Women need to be led and it sounds like you’re not leading at all. That said, I’m not trying to make it sound like you’re a bad husband or person, you’re not, you just sound very passive. Some of the shit your wife has done is 100% unacceptable and you need to create a boundary for yourself that that stuff is not going to be acceptable EVER again. And then stic…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 11:14 PM
3

Don't let them start to squeeze you out of your kids' lives, once they start and it works they won't stop. Make it VERY clear that you are going to be present and active in their lives, PERIOD.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 09:46 PM
4

I think I personally would pay the tuition and along with that send a voicemail or text message breaking down that you WANT a relationship with him and you're only ultimately paying because you know it's in his best interest. I get it, it can be very hard to not conflate the kid and his mom - BUT - he is a victim of this shit. The fact of the matter is your ex-wife is a grown adult and intentionally chose to manipulate a kid to try and hurt you, which worked. He's a pawn to her and while, yes, h…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 07:42 PM
3

If you want to go for you, go. My advice would be to stop taking legal advice from your wife, she's not acting in your interest nor will she be truthful. Get a consultation with a lawyer ASAP and just go over your situation with them, they won't be able to tell you exactly how it will all shake out but they can give you some pitfalls to avoid and tell you generally how things go in divorces to help you gain some confidence in the process. If it comes to divorce, hire a lawyer ASAP and see a coun…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 05:31 PM
0

You're fooling yourself if you really think nobody can tell in person you used facetune. I've been fatfished plenty of times and I've noticed every single time. Shit is super cringe.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 02:01 PM
7

Woof. That's a big fuck no from me. Just be you OP. Don't have every pic be a selfie, get some candid shots taken by someone of you actually DOING interesting stuff too and you'll be fine.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 01:38 PM
8

This is a great post. I don’t even care if women admit they legitimately fucked up, it’s just really nice to see someone take ownership for their part in things. If someone is always a victim of circumstance they’ve never learned anything and aren’t going to change as long as they hold that mentality
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 12:47 PM
16

First and foremost you have to have something going for you, if you aren’t successful professionally or in decent shape you’re going to struggle. Secondly, you need to be interesting, have hobbies and interests that you pursue on your own. Thirdly, just shut the fuck up. Let them talk, ask questions and then let them go. Know how to banter and make them laugh, have confidence. Don’t try to be their friend. Act like you can either be with them or not and not care because there’s ten more waiting …
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 12:39 PM
24

I’ve dated a lot and sealed the deal a lot, my experience has been the same with “abusive ex” being thrown a lot. I don’t react to it at all but it’s always a red flag to me and I’ll ask probing questions if things get past fucking them on the first or second date. Id say of the 50% of women who say this crap it’s true and legitimate in about 10% of cases. If I get more serious with someone I’ll be very honest about the claims my ex made against me. I’ve dropped women who were otherwise incredib…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 12:27 PM
3

If she wanted to work on things she’d be working on them with you. She didn’t just “happen” into another apartment, that took time and planning to do, it’s been coming for a long time. Take the initiative and control of the situation and get filed. IF she wants to work it out (she doesn’t) that will show her that her actions have consequences and you aren’t just going to sit around pining for her. Google “light switch effect”, that’s the rhetoric forming in her mind during the separation and if …
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 11:38 AM
5

Why would you give up on your kids when you’re all they’ve got right now from the sounds of things? Stop doing shit revolving around your ex and framed around her and start framing shit around YOU first and foremost and then your kids. She’s not a part of your life anymore aside from being a coparent. Easier said than done, I know, but practice and time fix stuff. Don’t lose sight of what really matters in your grief, and right now that’s your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 11:34 AM
2

Not as long as wifey is wanting him there. They’d have to be in unison in that.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 10:56 AM
6

The court is not going to kick the 25yo out. If you’re going to tell your daughter you may as well file and get it over with, she’s going to carry the weight of it all either way. If you’re not ready to file keep your mouth shut and get your ducks in a row so you’re ready to pull the trigger.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 02:03 AM
6

My poor schmoopsy poo might not be ok if I don’t buy her and her new bf a new deck and floors :’(
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 11:54 PM
9

I think the error is in moving at a rate that doesn’t match that of your love interest. Don’t give shit to woo someone that you’re not getting back. If they’re looking at other people like that, you do it right back to them. Don’t protect them from their own bullshit, listen to what they show you instead of what you want them to be and you’ll be just fine.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 11:27 PM
5

I don't agree that it's all aesthetics all the time, but this should be a driving force to work on your aesthetics, absolutely. Why wouldn't aesthetics play a large role in something that's casual in nature?
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 09:56 PM
3

OP should tell her he wants her income put down for 75% more than what it is because she has potential to someday earn that.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 09:54 PM
6

Fuck no. House is valued AS-IS.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 09:36 PM
6

Lolllll, having to hire childcare when there's a stay at home mom. What a fucking joke a lot of modern women are.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 01:59 PM
12

Yes, 100%. If anyone I'm with now wants to enjoy 50% of the spoils they need to contribute 50% of the inputs to them as well.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 01:00 PM
22

What a dumbass post. You type all of this as if women aren't at LEAST as guilty of all of the same things.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/23 12:47 PM
3

If you’re trying to date it’s as much a numbers game as anything, live where people are.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/23 05:33 PM
15

Take your 50% king.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/23 01:15 AM
5

A) it sets precedent and you may be setting a precedent of paying more than a court would otherwise mandate you pay. & B) Some jurisdictions give no credit for payments made before a court order is in place and will go retroactive forcing you to double pay or go to court for contempt to try and explain yourself and prove your case.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/23 07:45 PM
9

You say she's now filing for CS, what were you paying before? I sure as fuck hope you weren't paying something that was not court ordered.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/23 12:26 PM
1

Nothing is official until the judge stamps and signs it.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 11:18 PM
2

If she has family members that she won't talk to you're a fucking idiot to ever think she won't do the same thing to you someday. That's the biggest sign I wish I had paid attention to.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 08:31 PM
4

That was about where I was at too. I worked ridiculous hours when I was married, literally pushed 100 hour weeks at times while I was with my ex. Climbed the ladder and continued to work my ass off and then that was used against me by her to try and deny me 50% custody. I responded with “I’ll take a shitty job where I only work 40 hours so I can have my kids” and that’s when I was informed of the above. It’s fucking insanity.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/23 10:48 PM
1

In my jurisdiction I was warned by my lawyer that precedent was that you'll be imputed and/or forced to pay the higher rate anyhow.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/23 09:50 PM
6

Just get the divorce done ASAP. You gain nothing but billable hours by dragging it out or trying to prove something which will cost you money. None of this changes that she left and is fucking another dude.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/23 01:18 PM
5

Threw mine away, it was just cheap tungsten though.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/23 09:29 PM
11

I started dating basically the week after my ex told me she wanted a divorce, was married under similar circumstances where I have a high drive but we had bad scripted sex once a week but only because I pressed for it. Started matching immediately and was fucking on first or second dates probably 7/10 times. Turns out being a decent earner in a low cost of living area who’s 6’5” is actually desirable to women. It really was a lightbulb moment for me that I wasn’t a piece of shit and I was going …
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/23 11:58 PM
15

Your duty for helping her ended when she initiated the divorce. That's when she took full and COMPLETE ownership of herself the same way you did. This is a toxic person trying to suck you back in to take more from you, whether that is just the showing of concern or whatever else.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/23 08:29 PM
9

Quit being her emotional tampon and talking to her about shit like that.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/23 10:05 PM
3

Did the paperwork you submitted to the court have to be notarized? If not it seems like it leaves some room for her to claim you falsified her signature or other such bullshit if she was so inclined.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/23 01:43 PM
5

I have 7-7 and love it. In the time I have them they can actually settle into routines and get used to things, if I want to travel for vacations etc. either with or without them then no special arrangements have to be made 9 times out of 10. I can buy groceries for full weeks with or without them and stuff isn't going bad because they've left the house and aren't eating it. I feel like it minimizes confrontation and negotiation which I like.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/23 12:16 PM
1

How old are the kids?
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 04:53 PM
6

What are you even talking about? She makes double what he does and he's going to get 50%+ of custody...
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 11:21 PM
9

Since my divorce I've been able to become much closer with my daughters (8 and 4) on an emotional level. Pre-divorce I was truly too authoritative, looking back I can absolutely see the error in my ways. I cared too much about them doing stuff the "right way" and not just letting them be kids. Since the divorce, however, I have half of my time to do my stuff around the house and then the other half of the time I get them and make a habit of slowing things down and getting on their page to do wha…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 06:21 PM
2

Right?! Mine got non prescription glasses that block blue light for my girls for when they’re watching their tablets. They showed up to my house with $250 Armani non prescription glasses and I get to pay 70% on those because they’re a “medical” expense. They’re 7 and 4, you can imagine how good of care they’ve taken care of those things.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 11:53 AM
2

You did what I always do. Don’t engage, handle shit at your own pace.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 11:51 AM
20

No, I wouldn’t (and won’t), personally. Marriage is obsolete, there’s no reason someone should financially benefit from spending time with someone else. If I had it to do over again I would absolutely have had my kids still but just would’ve not married. When we parted ways I would’ve kept the fruits of my labor and she would’ve been left with what she worked for (nothing). You’re going to pay child support either way so fuck it, why pay more.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 08:27 PM
11

Not that it ever gets fun but at a point it becomes something that you just accept and then can push through to the other side of. It sucks feeling like you can see a future all laid out ahead of you and spend years working toward it only for the vision to be blown up and knowing there's not a thing you can do to change it. At the end of the day you're the painter of that picture and it can and will adjust. Take time to go through the process and then start a new painting that has yourself and y…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 07:02 PM
16

“No.” That’s a complete sentence.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 12:27 AM
4

Same here, was in a marriage having shitty compliance sex, once she filed I was immediately on the apps and could fuck 4-5 women a week every week if I wanted to. 6’5” and a good income certainly helps. Meanwhile she moved and is now dating/engaged to her 5’7” 140lb barely employed guy neighbor whose only hobbies are apparently video games and movies and they never go out and do anything per my kids. I’ve dated doctors and other extremely high earners and get to hear what a shit show a lot of du…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 12:33 PM
2

I mean through it all in the sense that you can't avoid the bullshit, you have to confront it. It isn't going to go away or get better on its own. I have two little girls too and I get what you're saying about feeling like you're doing right by them to stay for the time being, however, what you're putting on display is what becomes his 'normal'. Would you want a sad/apathetic relationship for him? Be a whole and happy person and show your son what that looks like, that's the best gift you can gi…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/23 06:56 PM
3

Go to individual counseling. If you choose not to divorce, which you should right now in my opinion, just know that you're just accumulating more of her student debt for her and she's going to file on you as soon as she is done and employed. She's already done and I think you know that. The only way through it all is THROUGH IT ALL, can't be avoided or negotiated with.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/23 06:07 PM
6

Joint asset
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/23 04:51 PM
1

I think it's less about micromanaging and more about the fact that two consenting adults brought the agreement before the court so they're not going to get involved in the bullshit minutiae if they don't have to. If push comes to shove and enforcement had to be determined by the court no judge would put their name on that trash
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 11:32 PM
6

Even if it did it would be 100% unenforceable
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 04:08 PM
25

Why are you asking for permission at all?
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 04:07 PM
–

Tell her she can have the car for the +$20k valuation vs yours on it that she has and you will take like valued items or part of her retirement etc in trade. This is what I did and it shut her ass up real quick. They don't want the car, they just try to use it as a tool to attack you because they know you enjoy it and care about it. Prove that you're willing to let it go and that it doesn't matter that much to you and they realize it's not a weapon anymore and forget about it. It's like the Judg…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 12:48 PM
2

And plenty of studies show men prefer women who are more youthful and less fat. What’s the difference?
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/23 08:24 PM
5

Yea that was a weird flex. My mom is the last thing on my mind when having thoughts even remotely oriented around sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/23 07:14 PM
5

Women can't tell if a guy is 5'9" or 5'10" therefore their preference for men over 6' tall is invalid. HA! CHECKMATE CHUDS. What a dumb take.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/23 07:11 PM
3

You have to just try and find a way to separate the fact that you're divorcing from the fact that she's moving on, it was inevitable to have it happen. The best thing you can do is to spend time investing in yourself and focusing on the betterment of yourself every chance you get, if you're not a prize now then you need to keep working on yourself until you are and feel like you are. Nothing she says or does matters to you now, you are your own focus, do what's best for you.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 04:04 PM
20

I think you shouldn't care what her rationale is and you should push to complete the divorce ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 02:47 PM
17

Lol hold up hold up… so she’s fucking someone else and you’re in trouble because you looked at naked pictures? Do you not understand that you’re being played here?
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 03:10 AM
4

If you're not feeling it, don't do it. I can speak from experience and say that it can really suck to meet the right person at the wrong time. Wait until you're through the bullshit and get some closure, it will get a lot easier to feel ready without that weight bearing down on you.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 11:20 PM
17

Who gives a fuck?
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 08:06 PM
8

Find and claim some space that will just be yours. Be armed with recording devices of some sort just in case. Do NOT engage in bullshit. Pretend she isn't there. Prepare for petty shit to be happening to try and get a reaction out of you, don't react in any way to it. Keep communication as minimal as possible, don't be baited into any deeper conversation than absolutely necessary. Absolutely do NOT have sex. Do not lose your temper under any circumstances.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 02:54 PM
18

Go find a lawyer who will represent you and your interests NOW. As in today. She has a head start on you and you need to be active in the process. Don't agree to anything, don't let her make you feel obligated to anything in any way. The marriage dynamic that you've become used to where you made sacrifices for her is over, it's done, forget about it. You need to focus on YOU and what's best for YOU from here on out. She will likely try to use guilt or your kids as a means to make you feel guilty…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 02:37 PM
9

r/thatHappened
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 11:02 AM
9

It honestly sounds like she has post-partum depression. Is she willing to talk about why she feels the way she does at all? You're not responsible for fixing her but you can guide her toward actions that will help. If she is unable or unwilling to take those steps, ultimately, then you have to get out. Life is too short to be unhappy and your daughter won't benefit from being around that more than she has to be or see you unhappy being around it either.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/23 01:17 PM
5

IMO the trust that was broken will NEVER be regained. She may get to the point where she gets better at controlling the impulses of going at you for things that make her feel insecure BUT she will never fully get over what happened. I betrayed my ex's trust as well and it would rear its head YEARS later and was a big thing that was brought up again in our divorce. You fucked up, try to understand WHY you did what you did so that you can understand better what you need to not do it again in the f…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 02:34 PM
15

You have to be bringing something to the table to be successful. If you’re a loser who never invested anything in your career or physical self you’re going to struggle. Just remember women control the access to sex but you control the access to a relationship. Know your value, work to improve it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 01:28 AM
12

Mine improved greatly. I actually go out and do things again now that I’m no longer married to a borderline shut in. Having half the time kids free certainly helps as well
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 01:20 AM
1

Lightswitch effect, google it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 11:50 PM
4

I wanted to save it when she dropped the D-bomb. When it became clear it wasn't going to happen I completely disengaged and started my life as a single man, started going on dates about half or 3/4 of which ended in first date sex. In hindsight I know it wasn't a healthy coping mechanism but it made me realize that there is more to life out there and I never looked back after that started. I am MUCH happier now two years removed from the divorce and living my life for me with 50% custody, loving…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 11:49 PM
1

Then she should get no say in if you jack off.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 09:14 PM
2

Are you still giving her as much sex as she wants? You get to own your own sexuality so far as it doesn’t affect your husbandly duties to her via physical love. If she doesn’t want it she doesn’t get to prevent you from cranking one out.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 06:18 PM
3

I hope you’re working with your lawyer to develop an actual plan to make a play and take the custody officially instead of just sitting their wringing your hands for years saying “ohhhhh just wait! Aaaaaaany day now!!!”
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 12:44 PM
3

What does your lawyer say? I wouldn't volunteer myself to go pissing in a cup monthly. I think kids' safety is one place where it's okay to never compromise, however, any future change in custody arrangement would likely require a fight through the court system and that may be the appropriate time to fight this battle as opposed to on the front end where so many other things hang in the balance for the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/23 01:25 PM
2

You didn't make her think or do anything different than she was already going to, you just accelerated the process of it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 10:15 PM
2

Just know you’ll be made an option only as long as you allow yourself to be. If you don’t want to be an option then don’t stand for it
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 05:16 PM
2

Then accept that fate because that’s what is coming for you. Have you ever needed time to think about stuff and be away from your wife physically for an extended period of time? She’s creating that space for the other dipshit to slide into. Don’t be fooled by this crap. She wants you as a safety net, financially and emotionally, while she goes and samples some other cock from a broke guy. She doesn’t get the best of what you have to offer without being 100% in, that’s bullshit. If she’s not down…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 04:22 PM
7

After my dad died of cancer I had nightmares about him for months, this is right about the time that my divorce kicked off. Eventually I had a very similar dream where I found myself in a forested hilly area, as you went up the hill there was fog so thick you couldn't see anything and daylight was just starting to break. My dad came down the hill on a tractor (he was in construction and liked to farm as a hobby and planned to do this in his retirement). He parked near me and we talked for a litt…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/23 07:05 PM
6

You get no say whatsoever and anything you do to try and control it is just going to make her do it even more and make you crazy. There is no "normal". Just be a good dad every chance you get and there's nothing you can do about how she wants to live her life now, even if it means fucking your kids up by having dudes in and out of her life constantly.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/23 12:06 AM
8

My wife underwent basically a complete life 180 just before our divorce and in my opinion was not/is not of sound mind and will one day wake up wondering what the fuck she did. That being said, that day could come a week from now or 50 years from now and chances are they will NEVER admit they were wrong so it doesn't matter, ultimately. You can't go for the ride, you have to know that you were in love with an illusion. It's not about hurting her now, it's about protecting yourself and there is a…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 02:26 PM
2

That word gets overused as we all have narcissistic tendencies and situations like divorce tend to bring them out in people big time. But yes.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 02:23 PM
2

It's not about "the thing", it's about trying to "win" everything.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 12:36 PM
4

So quit talking about it and start doing something about it. Establish your new status quo for yourself for a while before filing and then pull the trigger.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 08:48 PM
24

Has someone already filed? If not, change your employment to something more sustainable and then file.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 12:56 PM
6

And be that as it may, adults have a responsibility to be able to talk about those things in a relationship if they’d like to fix them. Covert contracts benefit nobody and they’re a tool of the immature.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/23 07:00 PM
18

The fact of the matter is that she watched to see if you'd clean a toilet or whatever and when you didn't without any kind of conversation about it from her she used that as justification to fuck some other guy. How many toilets did that dude clean? This is just rationalization for some super toxic behavior and there's no statistic that justifies acting that way.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/23 06:33 PM
3

Yes. 50/50 and joint legal custody, still pay.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/23 08:02 PM
8

For me it was just coming to the realization that they don't feel the same way you do and that if you were to try and talk them into it it would never be an authentic want. I used that as fuel to get past it and get introspective as to why I felt like I should chase and then confront the uncomfortable truths that thought exercise led me to. Ultimately I am waaaaay happier without her. We get so caught up in the vision of what we THINK things are and hope they are, but they're never actually that…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 10:50 PM
58

You let them go because you have no other choice.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 08:15 PM
4

You're getting downvoted but nothing you said was incorrect. This is exactly right.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/23 07:50 PM
2

It truly is freeing once you reach this point and can begin to enjoy some of the freedom you gain. You played your hand the only and best way you could. Enjoy your life.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/23 07:42 PM
0

TRP - very much like rightist thought - goes against mainstream. TRP's stated goal is to make people the top 10%, not the average person.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/23 11:32 PM
3

This is one of my fears as my daughters get older, they're 7 and 4 right now. Their mom was the same way, nothing in our whole relationship was ever good, I am an abuser blah blah blah. She's done a great job of making sure that my girls take on that victimhood identity while they're with her and I know it's easy and feels good for kids to behave that way, I just hope that the 50% of time I get with them is enough to keep them from sliding completely into that bullshit. I hope your daughter come…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/23 03:13 PM
6

I think this is where I land as well, men will generally be truthful about these things as they don't carry the social stigma that women do for the same activities. That stigma alone is the incentive for women to not be truthful.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/23 07:50 PM
9

I think we can universally agree on certain things like "women will find men who are fit and have material things to offer a potential partner more attractive".
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/23 07:48 PM
9

Again, from your own source: Gender differences in lying have been extensively studied with mixed results (e.g., Dreber and Johannesson, 2008; Childs, 2012). Some accounts suggested that when lies benefit the liar at the expense of another person, men tend to lie more than women (e.g., Friesen and Gangadharan, 2012). However, some other studies failed to report such differences (e.g., Sweeney and Ceci, 2014). A meta-analysis on honesty (Gerlach et al., 2019), based on 380 experiments that record…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/23 07:11 PM
14

I'm not here as an ambassador for the red pill, I just personally know a lot of women who blatantly lie about cheating.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/23 06:29 PM
11

There are soooooo many factors that can feed into that. How is cheating being defined? I think what a lot of people will identify as activity not inclusive to cheating is also often activity they'd consider to be cheating if their partner did it.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/23 06:23 PM
50

Straight from one of your own sources: finding reliable and accurate infidelity statistics between males and females can be problematic as only a limited number of people are surveyed Anecdotally I know several people, both men and women, who only ever admit to having cheated to very few and select trusted people. Anything that relies on self-reporting is going to be less than true science because people are going to lie, straight up. The fact of the matter is that there's no science confirming …
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/23 06:19 PM
5

Hinge and Bumble are like shooting fish in a barrel, Tinder seems especially skewed in favor of women and a younger crowd. I will say, if you’re a sloppy mess who hasn’t taken care of himself you’re going to struggle everywhere you go though. App dating women have their pick, you have to have something to offer to have a shot.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 04:36 PM
6

Bro just keep dating. As soon as mine said she wanted a divorce I was on the apps dating and about 50% of women would fuck the first night, the other 50% were second date. Not going to act like they were all top notch but I didn't give a fuck at the time, I was not getting fucked in my marriage, wasn't about to not get fucked after she said she wanted a divorce too.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 12:43 PM
12

Don’t live for revenge on her, start living for the best you can for YOU. The best revenge is truly living a good life. She’ll ride the cock carousel for a while but none of those dudes who are worth a shit will stick for her. It’s easy for women to get dick, men control the ability to have a relationship. Know your power and rest confidently in it. It sounds like you have your shit together and you’ll have no problem having plenty women over yourself if that’s your prerogative. Get laid if that…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/23 05:22 PM
2

Just be aware that the high points are rarely as high as they seem in the moment and the low points are rarely as low as they seem in the moment. Stay on an even and methodical keel until everything is done! Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 04:00 PM
5

Pre-nup still won't protect you against gains while married, and who knows what that could potentially be. The only way to win the game and protect yourself is to refuse to play it. If they love you why do they need the ring to prove it?
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 01:09 PM
1071

I had something similar happen to me about a year ago, I was at the grocery store. (Attractive) Woman in front of me checked out and then left, I just had a single item so I was fast checking out and then noticed she left a bag of her shit in self-checkout bagging. I jogged out to catch up with her and said "excuse me ma'am", she looked right at me and got in her car and left. I got a free electric toothbrush and toothpaste out of the deal at least. I still to this day hope she got home and real…
/r/PussyPassDenied30/03/23 08:40 PM
1

Are you equally supportive of men in their mid-30's dating 18yo girls?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/23 02:01 PM
18

This is going to blow your mind so I hope you're sitting down: Did you know that you can have sex without marrying?
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/23 06:30 PM
2

wat
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen29/03/23 06:21 PM
4

r/iamverybadass
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/23 02:02 PM
21

Just remember she isn't becoming a new person, this is who she's always been and she's just now getting around to showing you. The woman you married is gone and dead, she doesn't exist. Stop calling her out on shit, stop arguing, stop fighting. Hate isn't the opposite of love, indifference is. She WILL get you fired up and yelling and then use that to have you removed from the property at some point. Your sweat equity is gone, it's strictly a business transaction for 50% now, remove all emotion …
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 11:51 PM
2

There's two parents that need to be able to take care of the kids and a finite amount of money coming in to do it. If it's going to her it's coming from you. You can control what YOU do with the money, you can't control what she does with your money. Her struggle is not your struggle anymore now that you're parting ways.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 04:36 PM
1

I understand that and you understand that to be the case. When you're in front of a judge all she is going to do is say that she "was ill" and no judge is going to dig into it all any deeper than that, unfortunately. It's an extremely shitty uphill battle to get kids away from a neglectful mother in divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/23 04:06 PM
1

I would put it at like a 2% chance of your nightmare coming to fruition. If she's going to insist on staying in the house the court order will state she has X days to refinance the loan into her name - which it sounds like she's not going to be able to. If she cannot the house will either be yours with equity to pay out or it will be liquidated. She doesn't get to choose for you to pay a mortgage etc. as her child support, it's for the CHILD. And while yes, housing is a need for the child all mo…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/23 03:35 PM
1

How long is the marriage in total? Unfortunately, most of the documentation you have will mean nothing. You will get some credence for the suicide attempt but no court is going to give a fuck about the spending, affairs, staying out, hangovers, etc. She will likely get 50% as a default and she's going to have to fuck up big time for that to be reduced from there, not that you shouldn't fight your ass off to get more than that.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/23 03:28 PM
32

You created a (healthy and adult) boundary and she didn’t respect it. What are you going to do about it now? Guarantee on anything that if she isn’t already fucking with him then this is a test to see how you’ll react WHEN (not if) she does.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 05:49 PM
1

You make a list of EVERYthing and assign a value to it. She will do the same, you guys will haggle over things until you can agree upon a value somewhere you both agree with. Then you split it 50/50. If it can’t be agreed upon at a value you both agree with it gets sold and any proceeds are split 50/50.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 02:59 PM
9

You may not want "anything" but every "thing" you give away is a tool that you're not going to have in your toolbox, especially if she actively wants everything. Every single thing you have communally has an associated value - whether emotionally or monetarily. Make her pay for every single thing that she wants because you may at some point need access to those assets. If you start off by "not caring" and giving shit away that you have an equal stake in you're setting a precedent and she will ma…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 01:14 PM
4

This reads a little too MGTOW-ish to me, personally. While, yes, sure, many women use sex as a tool they also give it away freely and easily at the beginning of the game if you've invested any time at all into yourself and seem to have things to offer them that they want. Since becoming single it's been shockingly easy to go out and get laid with extremely minimal effort. I can get on apps at noon and have a dozen women to choose to go out with by 7p the same day, 90% of those would fuck on the …
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 01:08 PM
11

Sometimes there's a waiting period from the time you file until the time the divorce can be finalized, this can be anything from 14 days to 6 months, I'm guessing that's what she is referring to with a timer. At this point whether she is having an affair or not does not matter at all. Don't waste any effort or time on that because it doesn't matter a bit in the grand scheme of things. You don't seem to want to acknowledge it but the divorce process has already started for you, you're in it NOW. …
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 12:43 PM
3

You're doing the right thing. If they "don't know if they want to be with you" that's a no. Nobody should settle for being with anyone who doesn't clearly and definitely want to be with them.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/23 12:16 PM
3

This brought tears to my eyes. I am 37 and lost my dad almost 3 years ago. My parents didn't divorce until I was grown but my dad and I always had a complicated and labored relationship and I always wished it wasn't that way, always told myself that we would figure out a way to break that down someday. My dad was diagnosed with anaplastic thyroid cancer in 2020 and immediately put on hospice, he died two weeks later. I was able to be there with him for those two weeks and say some things that I …
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/23 12:12 PM
1

You’re buying a house as a couple, not as an individual. That will be another liability to sort through when you divorce now.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 02:23 PM
7

You’re going to feel the feelings for a while and there is nothing wrong with that. If you have ANY assets together whatsoever you need to push through and also formulate a strategy for parting ways with legal counsel as well. Don’t negotiate with her, don’t beg, don’t be her emotional tampon and don’t expect her to be yours. Now is the time for stoicism and to put a wall up between the two of you for the beginning of your paths in directions away from one another. If you DO have assets take wha…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 02:14 PM
14

Get what's yours. You get nothing for being a good guy anymore, she can't afford the house, point blank.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/23 01:39 AM
5

What are you doing to be the best version of yourself? You talk about having only matched with one woman which would lead me to believe you've A) let yourself go completely or B) have standards too high for what you're able to offer someone else. Can you look in the mirror and honestly say that you're the best version of yourself that you can be? Someone who exudes confidence and effort? If you don't see that why would anyone else be drawn to you when they can just as plainly see the same thing?…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/23 01:22 PM
10

Absolutely not. I love alone time on my weeks without my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/23 12:35 AM
40

99 times out of 100 one party has already checked out when it gets to the point of seeing a counselor. The checked out party usually goes to appease their S.O. with no real intention of taking it seriously.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/23 10:42 PM
8

No court is ever going to take the time to sit and listen to recordings of your fights. Nobody gives a shit.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/23 09:03 PM
1

Don't: Believe that it will stay amicable. The process is adversarial by nature and if you're taking everything that's yours it's going to piss her off and vice-versa.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/23 06:27 PM
1

My dude, if she told you she wants a divorce and you can't trust her, just fucking divorce her. You're not going to change her mind.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/23 03:57 PM
12

It’s honestly amazing how they’re all the same.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/23 01:54 AM
17

Just stand your ground. She probably had a whole marriage of you doing whatever she wanted you too and old habits die hard. Now's the time to just say NO to her.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/23 12:42 AM
8

Billable Hour$$$$$
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/23 12:14 AM
18

Proof that acting with intention and using strategy and rationale instead of going off emotionally will often provide a better outcome. This is the kind of strategy that needs to be talked about more here.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/23 09:07 PM
2

Essential was - all medical care and insurance (health, dental, vision, therapy), child care necessary for the pursuit of profession or education. ​ Clothing is technically covered as "provided for" under the payment of child support. We both buy our own clothing for the kids though and they always come back to me in the clothes I sent them away in. I could honestly not give two shits what clothes they come back to me in as long as they're of like quality but their mom does so whatever. As they …
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/23 08:44 PM
1

Yes, that’s all thoroughly spelled out in the parenting plan
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/23 08:33 PM
2

It should be specified in the parenting plan. For necessary expenses like daycare and medical stuff it’s split at 66/34 which is our income discrepancy. I refused to sign anything other than non-essential expenses being 50/50 WITH both parents agreeing to purchases before they’re made. I wasn’t about to let her control my money post-marriage anymore than I had to.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/23 08:22 PM
3

Part of the signing at the end of divorce usually includes "I understand that I am not receiving maintenance and will not receive it at any point in the future." CS is always renegotiable but it usually takes something material and substantial for a court to be willing to change things up, they prefer stability for the sake of the kids, as they should. ​ Negotiate shit and get it over with now, take what's yours to take. It's an uphill battle and in many ways pretty much impossible to do after t…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/23 05:02 PM
20

FWIW - I just did some quick googling and it looks like if either spouse earns at least 40% of the household income they will not qualify for alimony. Lawyer up and file on this bitch and get it over with.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/23 01:59 AM
43

Rule #1 - Stop taking legal advice from your adversary. Get a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/23 01:45 AM
2

I understand, we all played a role in getting to where we are. What matters is the lesson you take away from the experience. I am sure shit is tough for you, I can only imagine when there is a special needs child involved. However, you're allowing more of the burden to fall on you than you should by doing things like not holding you ex to the agreement she made and then moving closer to her to "fix" the issue. How has that benefited YOU in any way? Not your kids - YOU. What precedent do you thin…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/23 06:18 PM
5

It sounds like you never stopped making sacrifices for a woman who was very happy to sacrifice her commitment to you and abandon her vows. Until you learn that IT'S OK TO PUT YOURSELF FIRST you will struggle with these problems. Learn to say no, learn to take care of yourself and be selfish sometimes because a martyr who fails at everything because he's trying to take care of everyone else first and foremost isn't worth shit to anyone. Do what you need to do to become a whole person again, that'…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/23 04:55 PM
33

It doesn’t bother me at all but then again I’m not getting married again and also have a high N count. They’re never yours, it’s just your turn.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 11:24 PM
2

She's going to do what she's going to do at this point and in truth there's no point in dwelling on the unknown right now, at this point it changes nothing. Do NOT consent to her leaving with your child now or after the divorce, TX will not let it happen against your wishes.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 01:58 AM
3

This is it. I think kids will get to an age where two parties gets embarrassing for them.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 01:29 AM
3

Except OP literally asked about other people's experience with it...
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 01:27 AM
6

Depends on the age of the kid, young kids would surely be happy to have multiple parties. If it was a friend of my kid at school I would think it was dumb and petty though and I certainly wouldn't be taking my kid to both parties.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/23 08:39 PM
10

Mine went from borderline atheist when we met to being a full on devout bible thumper shaming non-believers when we divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/23 04:47 PM
2

You're the only who can control how you're doing. If you want more for yourself and to do better then it's on you to do that for yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/23 01:32 AM
1

Aside from therapy what are you doing to reconnect with yourself? If you're not feeling over your ex don't bother dating, it's going to be repeated failures as long as you're dragging that around. If you're still feeling it, that is FINE. It's a process like any other and when you lie to yourself about where you are with getting through it all that's when you make mistakes, don't cheat the process but definitely WORK the process. Therapy is one great tool to work it, you need to be using more th…
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/23 01:19 AM
1

I understand fully what you're trying to say but with a $200k investment into divorce defense 50% of EVERYTHING should be the bare minimum return on that investment.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/23 07:51 PM
3

Nah, fuck that. You're this far, don't settle for less than joint legal custody/decision making.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/23 07:40 PM
14

This isn't going to cost you custody but it's not appropriate to be talking about with your kids either. Get with your buddies or a therapist when you need to talk about stuff. If you need to live on a budget for ANY reason that's the only reason you need to give to a kid and that's an important lesson for them to learn to become functioning adults, sometimes that means going without. ​ I don't see where you've retained a lawyer but you need to STFU talking with your wife even if you are still c…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 06:45 PM
3

Gaslighting and narcissist both. Completely without worth in meaning anymore due to how they're used and how often they're used.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/23 08:52 PM
28

She showed you how she handles things, are you going to listen or ignore it?
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/23 05:20 PM
7

HIRE AN ATTORNEY NOW!!!!!! Demand 50/50 joint physical and legal custody and do not accept anything less. Everything of value is going to be split 50/50, all your debt should be too. DO NOT GIVE AWAY THE EQUITY IN YOUR HOUSE. She wanted divorce, give it to her and take everything that's rightly yours. There's no honor in giving equity away that you might need to provide for yourself and you child, let alone that you might need to FIGHT for your child to be with you. Don't be a white knight, you …
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/23 08:11 PM
7

If you’re staying the only POSSIBLE reasonable reason for it would be to get her working and using that advanced degree to reduce or eliminate alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/23 01:17 AM
7

My dude, have a little self-respect and get the fuck out. She doesn't want to be with you but there are 1 million other women out there who would be happy to be with a man who takes care of himself and takes care of his business, if that's what you ultimately want. The way it goes if you stay is this: you keep being sexless while paying for everything and she "doesn't want anyone" and then all of a sudden some guy who is at best a version almost identical to yourself but more often is a downgrad…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/23 10:58 PM
2

I wanted to initially, she did not. I went through the fire and all of the BS and being on the other side of it all I am soooo much more happy, doing things I enjoy and loving life again.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/23 12:05 AM
2

Correct, nothing is completely done until it’s signed by a judge and even then there’s often an appeal period as well.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/23 09:27 PM
1

There are online services that can walk you through the whole divorce process in a DIY manner, maybe start there but be ready for her to flip the script when shit gets real.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/23 09:14 PM
4

It's not necessarily that CA will go against both parties wishes but that presenting those wishes with the aide of legal representation brings them more authority. Seeing unrepresented parties leaving $$$ on the table is sure to raise a judge's eyebrows and make him ask questions. The downside to this is that if she then lawyers up as well she'll have representation in her ear telling her that she could get more out of you too.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/23 08:56 PM
4

Yes, lawyer up.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/23 08:42 PM
5

My thoughts are: Say no. Courts will favor status quo.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/23 07:32 PM
13

That's a backlog being worked through due to court closures from Covid
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/23 04:23 PM
2

r/thatHappened
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/23 01:34 AM
1

I did the same shit. I spent 11 years with a woman who made me feel guilty for having a healthy and normal sex drive and wanting sex 3x a week (the horror!!!!!!) so when she said she wanted a divorce I immediately started fucking other women overtly, why wait and waste more of my life where I’m able to perform and enjoy sex?
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/23 12:59 AM
2

This right here, men will have NO POWER until they show they are 100% willing to walk away and not deal with the terroristic threat bullshit. Hold your line, swing your dick, take what's yours.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/23 03:42 PM
1

This will happen for the rest of your life and it has nothing to do with the outside people or things that are bothering you and is 100% within yourself. If you're waiting for a set of circumstances to align just right before you'll ever let the shit go and be happy you're never going to get there. Use the fire you feel as fuel and work out that much harder, keep going until you're exhausted and don't feel that way anymore, it's the only way you can use it to actually improve your life.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/23 02:42 PM
5

And you told her that the consequence for not getting what you need from her is what, exactly? “Hey babe, I sure could use more affection from you” backed up by no change in behavior from you or expectation held and feedback given doesn’t help. And if you’ve truly done all of that then divorcing her won’t be a surprise.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/23 02:58 PM
0

No, you’re going to divorce and live together. At that point why bother? You don’t mention it in your post but you need to verbalize your wants and expectations from your wife in the marriage in very black and white terms. Don’t go Rambo style and kick the door in with fire and brimstone but start the conversations NOW about what you would like to have more of, the frequency of it, all of that. Find a way to articulate why it’s important that you have it and that it’s her you want it from. Aside…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/23 02:54 PM
18

That's the other side of the blade you were playing with. Can't get all the benefits of gaming the system and then avoid all the risks too.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/23 01:23 AM
4

It’s a process and to try and cheat the process is really just cheating yourself!
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 11:13 PM
34

This is it, you get no say on if it's going to be it, you are righteous in feeling pissed that this is it. ​ The best revenge you can get is to be HAPPY and live well. It's a process to get to that point and if you're trying to rush it or fake something to make her jealous then you're going to fail at reaching true happiness. Go through the process, feel the feelings, talk to a therapist if you need to, get in a gym, get active, listen to music that helps you feel what you need to feel and lift …
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 04:31 PM
2

Wanna know why your ex is making you squirm? Because you’re showing her that it’s working. Become indifferent, even amusedly so at her attempts and they will stop.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/23 01:29 PM
3

There is unfortunately case law precedent in that RSU’s ARE considered a marital asset. https://www.charlesullman.com/divorce-lawyer/business-valuation-and-divorce/restricted-stock-option https://www.kasparlugay.com/blog/dividing-rsu-california-divorce/
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/23 08:46 PM
3

Welcome to the club!
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/23 04:20 PM
2

Do the whole financial picture in one go, o sense in conceding anything on the house if she’s then going to go after your 401k immediately after. Amortization table on equity of your home purchase in addition to what has happened in the real estate market the last couple years is probably not in your favor here, unfortunately. E: have you been legally separated the past few years as you noted or in unofficial terms only?
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/23 03:23 PM
15

This is almost exactly how my divorce went down. My ex-wife used an example of me gently patting her leg under a table at a company holiday party for my work where she drank too much and was making an ass of herself at the table at a $150/plate restaurant. She asked me to give her signals like that after putting her foot in her mouth about a million times at social events and this was literally the first time I ever did it. She immediately went to the bathroom and cried after I did it and then w…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/23 01:59 AM
1

Now wait until you piss her off and she takes you to court and gets back child support too. Why would you ever let this be left up to her?
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/23 10:16 PM
1

I'm not trying to be a dick here but the harsh truth is that you have a lot of work to do on yourself. You've mistreated your partner and not pulled your own weight and then YOU ASKED FOR THE SEPARATION. Of course he's realizing life is easier without you in it. If you've been acting that way for 10 years it's not a mistake or a rough patch, it's just who you are. It takes a LOT of hard work to change who you are and that takes time. Take the time apart to be introspective into who YOU want yo b…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/23 03:15 PM
3

Ask them what they WANT to do, listen, do it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/23 05:10 PM
5

Start with an attorney. Never tip your hand until you're ready to blow it all up. This is an adversarial experience, would teams share their playbooks before the Superbowl? Do countries at war with one another exchange plans?
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/23 03:13 AM
2

To be fair, most 15 year olds are still honing their critical thinking skills. OP - Do you want what you have with your wife to be the expectation your daughters have of relationships for themselves in the future? Even if she disowns you for life - she won't - it would be a gift to her to show her through action that being unhappy with someone is not normal or acceptable.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/23 12:49 AM
5

Lol captain save a hoe
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/23 07:28 PM
28

Change is weird but you will come to REALLY enjoy the quiet in time, I promise you.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/23 03:35 PM
23

But she totally loves him for who he is though!!
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/23 01:26 AM
7

OK then all the money you're saving not buying joint assets is still community property and subject to 50% split. So what?
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/23 01:25 AM
4

No lawyer would engage with an idiot mother.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/23 10:22 PM
2

"No". It's a complete sentence and it really is as simple as that. Go ahead and let her mommy try and take you to court, she'd lose more than the $3k and get nothing for it in return.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/23 10:22 PM
3

Because #metoo and #believeher weren’t mens movements. As a society we have a long way to go to acknowledge women can be abusive pieces of shit every bit as often as men can.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/23 02:38 PM
1

All she is going to is say he stayed logged in and she saw it. FBI isn't coming in to investigate cyber crimes for divorce proceedings.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/23 08:33 PM
4

Check with your banking institutions but a lot of them allow accounts to be closed with only one party saying they want them to be. Work to start unraveling the shit, do NOT move out.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/23 02:15 AM
1

Mine was the same way, I assure you I'm speaking from experience.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/23 11:31 PM
20

Why are you being her emotional tampon? Are you familiar with the term "don't count your chickens before they hatch?" She will come for your money before it's done, watch.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/23 09:53 PM
8

Don't take legal advice from your adversary. Get a lawyer NOW and quit being a lazy ass. Be proactive with getting what you deserve or get fucked over on all of it because you didn't. Choice is yours. You're giving your ex special treatment that no court would enforce on you otherwise with the house equity and she's asking for more special treatment... see any possible links here? Hold her ass to 50% on EVERYTHING and concede NOTHING, don't give up shit.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 10:24 PM
4

That's the craziest thing I have ever seen. And somewhere sociologists are scratching their heads wondering why birth rates in western nations are plummeting.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 09:58 PM
1

I supported my wife through school as well, even after graduating with a business degree she took a handful of shit jobs working PT and making $12/hr and then talked about going back to school to become a teacher. Luckily I said enough is enough and she got a decent paying job and worked FT before filing.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/23 05:55 PM
-1

On the sleuthing part - why? Who gives a shit?
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 05:16 PM
13

Don’t give up all your liquidity and equity for the sake of making her life easy. Push the sale of the house so you can cash out on it and you’re not the only one facing the burden of high interest rates and an inflated market. Cool to keep your retirement account but if you are in a pinch for cash and have to cash out you get fucked on taxes and fees for the access to those dollars. Give up whatever portion of your retirement and make that same burden hers to access those dollars. You don’t owe…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 02:18 PM
8

Yea, I get it. She’s not like the rest 😍😍😍😍😍 lol. Good luck brother. Some people have to learn the same lesson multiple times I guess.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 02:23 AM
7

Personally I would never pay for a flight anywhere I didn't actively want to go for guaranteed sex, let alone the faint whisper of a chance at it, but that's just me.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 12:18 AM
4

Sell the house while you're still married now and cash out and split the equity 50/50 and file. You're not keeping it anyways after all this from the sounds of it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/23 11:59 PM
7

Since you helped support her through college is she now gainfully employed in a professional field? How long have you been married? ​ Marriage takes two yesses, divorce only takes one. If she wants one she's going to get one no matter what you want. Don't grovel, don't beg, don't sulk. The partnership is done, focus on YOU and start working to get happy and be the best version of yourself that you can be.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/23 11:53 PM
6

The thing that's correct and best for you is rarely the same as the thing that easiest for you. Growth hurts.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/23 05:24 PM
3

Your situation is intricate enough that your best bet is going to be getting started with a CA divorce lawyer in a proactive fashion (DO IT NOW!) so you're ready to either pull the trigger yourself or respond timely if your wife files. There's no reason for you to think she's not doing the same now and tipping her hand that she's going to file on you in time, don't be an idiot and sit on your hands while she's threatening you.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/23 04:53 PM
3

YOU are responsible for your own feelings and reactions. She can’t make you do shit. She continues to push your buttons because it works.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/23 03:57 PM
1

I don’t want to pile on you when you’re already feeling down but when this happens once you can blame the other person, when it happens to you twice in a row you need to look at YOU and the role you’re playing in all of it. What about yourself made you want to dive into all of this in this fashion? Find out the root cause of your issues or you’re going to keep making the same mistake over and over again.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/23 03:55 PM
11

Who gives a fuck if she was fucking the other guy before? She is now, what are you going to do about it? What you SHOULD be doing about it is filing and hitting her ass hard and fast with reality.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/23 03:57 AM
7

They're not extraditing anyone for alimony payments.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/23 05:24 PM
7

They can issue a warrant to anyone anywhere, doesn't mean you're going to get extradited. Just know to never come to America again or you'll be cuffed in customs.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/23 05:24 PM
3

Yea, those lawyers are going to see the billable hour$$$$$$$$$$$$ and sink their claws into you both. I'd recommend you try and have a level-headed adult conversation about parting ways and being adults - not that that will necessarily ensure it will stay that way - when you break the news. Chances are you're in for a long, drawn out, very expensive process but maybe she will understand that the more capital burned in the process of divorce the less there will be for her at the end of it all.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/23 03:28 PM
3

I'm almost a year and a half out from when shit blew up and I feel great. I did jump into a relationship too soon and that fizzled but I did the therapy thing, spent a lot of time alone and in contemplation about what went wrong and why, what role I played in it, what I need to do better as an individual and as a dad to my kids. I sunk a lot of my frustration into DIY projects around my house and having that time to just process stuff, tear it down, rebuild it better - it was all extremely thera…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/23 03:22 PM
13

That money is gone, nobody in the legal system - your counsel included- is going to care about it at all.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/23 09:50 PM
2

But as men we all have to know that if they're going to THAT kind of effort then they still give a shit. If they were truly happy they wouldn't need to pull stunts like that and rub it in your face.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/23 03:39 PM
13

Here's the only consolation that can be offered though - they can't keep that facade up. In time it will wear off and what she is flaunting to you is just fool's gold. Take the time that's needed to heal the right way and become a better human being while they fill their lives with this type of bullshit and in a couple years time you'll be waaaaay better off than they are, and not just in the social media posting kind of way. The best revenge is a life well-lived, always.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/23 03:38 PM
10

All the strife, all the hard times, all the experience, all the trust that was built, all the intimate knowledge of one another, all the memories of good and bad times that you worked together through, it's all gone and it was all for nothing. And that's not even taking into consideration the financial and material possession side of things that get flushed down the toilet to pay for legal fees, lawyers, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/22 03:05 PM
2

“Dump-Dump in the gut raw from the giddy up, better choose the right one or else pick the kiddies up.” I heard this song a million times in my life but I never HEARD this song until I was going through my divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/22 04:51 PM
5

Get an attorney, stop falling on your sword by giving a single dime more than you have to. This is now a business transaction and the only stuff she should get is what the law and court system say she's entitled to. Fight the same way she fights you and GIVE NOTHING AWAY.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/22 08:13 PM
6

So then quit writing your child off and take of her yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/22 06:46 PM
9

I’m sure there’s no bad blood when she is fucking other dudes while you’re still supporting her financially and you say yes to everything she wants. You don’t owe her anything.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/22 06:25 PM
11

Always think of the ways anything you can do can be used against you if shit hits the fan. I see no way in which having that statement on paper can benefit you directly. She’s not your partner anymore, she’s not going to do anything in your interest. Why are you paying for her car and phone?
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/22 05:55 PM
2

"Sock day" refers to when Dobby the house elf gets a garment of clothing which grants him his freedom.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/22 01:23 PM
28

It’s a surreal and anticlimactic moment, one I’ll always remember. Amazing how something that started so happy and so celebrated ends so quietly and so alone.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/22 10:46 PM
7

I can’t see it this way at all, every time I see my ex or even hear her voice it makes me recoil.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/22 03:23 PM
8

That’s a hard disagree for me. Nothing hotter than a chick who’s as into you as you are her.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/22 03:22 PM
1

Call and get YOUR car towed to your house until it's signed.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 05:08 PM
1

Don't take ANYTHING out of your name that could be an asset in any way. If you're upside down on the car financially, sure, sign it over. But doing any transfers before the divorce stuff is set in stone you could be taking bullets out of your own gun.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 05:07 PM
2

Let your actions do the talking for you, it won't always be easy but in time that will do the loudest talking that can be done. If you get to the point where they're adults and want to know the full story then it's absolutely something you could share with them but it's not something to share with kids. Just love them and be there for them and let her self destruct, they'll notice.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 05:02 PM
1

You only half answered me. Are those two days holidays or 'normal' parenting time? What time supercedes what in your parenting plan? If she's taking advantage of 'vacation time' what does it say about notification to other party? Get your parenting plan out and read it in detail. If she's taking them out of an agreed upon area do you have a way of proving it?
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 01:44 AM
0

What does your parenting plan say about division of time? What about 'other' parenting time like holidays and vacations? There should be a section about what time supercedes other time, usually holiday time trumps all, vacation time trumps normal parenting time.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 01:35 AM
4

How old is your kid? Very few judges are likely to allow you any sizeable chunk of custody of a dependent when you're living in a roving automobile.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 08:23 PM
15

My lawyer said I can stop but decided since it's the holidays and her birthday this month, well, it just felt wrong. You're setting a precedent that will be noticed by the court. If your lawyer says stop FUCKING STOP!
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 03:37 AM
31

Because she’s an idiot and she thinks it will bother you - which is clearly working based on this post.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 08:43 PM
36

First of all, secure all of this shit for once and for all and get them out of her physical grasp. Second of all stop taking legal advice from your soon to be ex wife. Third, hire a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 08:33 PM
1

Did you even read the post? He's not talking about custody, his child is an adult.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 03:36 PM
2

Yes I’m sure your princess is so stupid and lazy that she will willingly uproot herself and move to a new state with the knowledge that it will cost her a life of leisure and presumably several tens or hundred of thousands of dollars. You need to wake the fuck up.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 02:24 PM
17

If you’re going to move to take advantage of this you better shut the fuck up about divorce first. Most states you have to reside in for a year to establish residency before you can divorce there. You’re tipping your hand way too much.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 01:38 AM
4

That’s probably not going to help the cause any but I’d think there’d still be a clear separation of funds.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/22 10:19 PM
2

You should be fine. Did you pay the power bill regularly with this account or just a few times?
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/22 09:30 PM
4

Tried starting things this way. Midstream my now ex wife realized there was going to be no golden egg laying goose for her and she tried to make an every other weekend dad out of me claiming I was an abusive narcissist to her and the kids, never one time said anything of the sort to or about me in 11.5 years together until that point. Divorce is a contentious thing, someone wins and someone loses on shit and it makes hard feelings. You don’t have to be a dick but I’d lawyer up and have someone s…
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 10:53 PM
1

Get the fuck on CS man. You're paying for all of this and she's going to go do it anyways and you're going to pay back support for alllllll this time you've not been on it. You're fucking yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 02:22 AM
8

Mine pawned hers. I think radical indifference on all of this type of shit sends the best kind of message.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/22 10:39 PM
11

She is not the type to ever admit she’s the problem So she’s a woman, got it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/22 11:29 PM
7

Sounds like the new BF should be accommodating to his GF then and change his schedule. This ain't OP's bitch anymore, fuck her.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/22 06:47 PM
34

She can see, she doesn't care. The hardest part of my divorce was mourning the marriage, mourning the future I'd spent YEARS imagining and working toward. The partner you saw in that future is gone and now you have an adversary, sadly. If she says the marriage is over BELIEVE HER! Don't try to bargain, don't do any favors, make the break as crisp as you can to get free from where you are right now so that the true mourning can begin.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/22 01:43 PM
3

None of that matters if you never call the cops on her.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/22 01:54 PM
13

I wrote the letter and then threw it away. It's not a movie, they don't give a shit. Make your peace with YOURSELF and then move on, you won't find any peace with them.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/22 09:16 PM
1

Regret some of my actions that led to divorce but not the divorce itself. We should never have been married, just too incompatible. I miss seeing my kids 100% but it’s been great to get to date again and feel actually DESIRED. It’s been great to do whatever the fuck I want to do when I want to do it when I don’t have the kids, it’s shown me why I was so unhappy before now that I’m removed from it and getting to pursue my interests for myself again.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/22 01:30 PM
1

I employed the alternative but equally effective "tons of project car shit filling the garage" strategy, personally.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/22 02:54 PM
7

Start replying that you'll happily pick the kids up for the rest of the night and get them fed and to school the next morning since she can't feed them. She'll stop this stuff real quick then, or she wont and you can go back to court for more custody. If the kids are hungry I'd want to make sure they were fed. If the ex is hungry she can eat a dick.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/22 02:43 PM
3

I do care and said that almost verbatim to her.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/22 02:20 PM
6

As someone who suffered this type of abuse as a kid I take the threat very real.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/22 12:59 PM
2

I’ve heard mixed reviews on this, not sure if it’s a state by state type issue.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/22 12:04 PM
2

Did you play basketball for 8-15 hours? Little different scenario here.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/22 04:26 PM
3

15 hours a week is a lot more time than most people put into ANY hobby. For me, personally, if I play any role in the DB my hobby is going by the wayside until that gets fixed.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/22 04:24 PM
3

Why aren't you fucking? If it's in any way related to your gaming (oh I played too long and I'm too tired tonight) that is a legitimate problem.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/22 04:22 PM
2

My decree is worded the same, I’ll invite my ex when I get time for a dinner because o know my girls would like to celebrate with their mom, she has never reciprocated that. It would be easy for me to tell her to duck off but I do what I do because it’s what’s best for my kids, can’t makes someone else do the same.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/22 02:27 PM
5

People don't look for assurance on Reddit for things they really think are good ideas. You know the answer to this. No arrangement you could possibly make with her will fully protect you from having to pay support on your first and potential second child should she decide she doesn't want to keep working the way she does right now.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 07:32 PM
2

DO NOT PAY UNTIL THE COURT MANDATES IT! I started paying before and then the court mandate came through with back pay needed, unless my ex told them she had already been paid I had to pay again for a second time. You can guess how that went.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/22 03:45 PM
4

I’d be at the point of threatening to go to court and letting everything get split 50/50. Fuck it, fuck her, she’s just trying to hold onto control over you. She either signs now or let it go to court. Take control and run the situation.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/22 04:46 PM
3

TX is a one-party consent state.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/22 01:45 PM
5

Don’t write off low T as a cause. All of the symptoms you’re describing are symptoms of low t as well
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/22 08:59 PM
3

Better be REAL good at this game if you’re going to play. Getting caught is a great way to get nuked by the court.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 01:24 PM
1

I have 50% a week at a time with two little girls and have no problem dating in my week off. If you're this tired and unable to do anything with your YOU time that's a lot more about you than it is your circumstances.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/22 02:28 PM
30

If you think divorce sucked when you had essentially nothing to lose but the relationship then just WAIT until you're seeing your kids a fraction of the time and get to write fat checks to do so. Does she earn an equal or greater salary to you? Look at second marriage statistics, they're even worse than the first. Not telling you not to do it but go in with your eyes WIDE open knowing what you stand to lose. If you're a higher wage earner than she is then you stand to lose even more.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 03:44 PM
3

There are ups and downs. Do what you can to invest in yourself - exercise, get back in touch with hobbies that you may not have pursued for a while, travel, whatever. Over time there are less downs and more ups.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/22 11:27 PM
1

This sucks in that you have to do the same and it allows your ex to meddle in what you're doing.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/22 07:03 PM
4

By all means just say this and don’t elaborate on what you don’t agree with specifically. Your anecdotal divorce is not the experience of a LOT of men, myself included.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/22 04:02 PM
2

My ex did the same shit. We met young and pushed each other through personal and professional growth. She was jobless and living with her mom who constantly told her to stay jobless so she could stay helpless to her moms whims until we met and she got out of it. We were together 12 years, got married, had kids, helped each other through college while working FT+ hours. My dad died suddenly of undiagnosed cancer when Covid kicked off, I didn’t handle the stress well. She waited until the inherita…
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/22 12:14 AM
10

This was my thought. Retire BEFORE filing
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/22 09:59 PM
1

Seeing as how you've not tipped your hand at all as to what leverage you have in attempting to do so none of us can speak to the odds at all in educated manner. It takes a LOT for a woman to lose more than 50%
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/22 02:04 PM
3

And spending $20k on lottery tickets could potentially make you a millionaire. Neither is a wise investment.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/22 01:12 PM
6

Brother, your stbx sounds like a living red flag herself. Time to focus on you and work on yourself. Work to understand why you'd ever accept a piece of shit like that into your life so you don't make the same mistake again.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/22 02:25 PM
6

Because she's a princess who's used to getting whatever the fuck she wants. Reality check time.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/22 01:45 PM
4

DO NOT GIVE HER SHIT THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO. Falling on your sword and conceding shit when SHE should have to do so for you is part of what keeps the family court system broken, it sets normative precedent. She wants to go scorched earth, make her ass pay.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/22 01:43 PM
11

Option not listed: Standing my ground early and often and not letting a single speck of bullshit slide.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/22 06:33 PM
1

Helps that dating apps exist now and were largely in their infancy (OLD) or straight up non-existent 20 years ago.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/22 02:04 AM
2

Go see a lawyer, pay them a retainer fee and do what they tell you to do. Generally speaking you will have to follow any separation waiting periods applicable to your state (which looks like one year in NC). Generally during that time period you will have a separation agreement breaking down who pays for what and stays where. ​ Get to a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/22 06:02 PM
1

I never felt like I got as much affection as I wanted from her so it always put me in a chase type position which I hated. She had a low libido that was always as a result of “something” temporary that if I could just get through all would be good. It got to a point though where I realized you never reach the end because that was the dangling carrot, by that time we had a kid and then a second though and I was going to just deal with it. Ultimately what did it all in was she went fucking nutso w…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/22 02:30 PM
3

I probably check a handful of these boxes. Divorced last year, ignored signs of incompatibility while dating because “lOVE cOnQuErs AlL1!1!2!” I think half of it is people marrying too young and not having enough life experience to be a good judge of what works or does not work for them. I was 25 when I started dating my ex and divorced after 11.5 years, dated for 4. People just do a lot of changing from their twenties into their thirties and it can get pretty unpredictable. I will not marry aga…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/22 01:37 PM
1

Tell her you can get on board with her financial view if she puts the same skin in the game financially as well. Tell her you would like for her to commingle her inheritance dollars into your household budget and put those funds into a joint account. Either she will do this and you now have joint marital assets to split in a divorce or she will not and you can see how invested in the marriage she really is. She shouldn’t have her cake and eat yours.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/22 06:57 PM
32

She was willing to cheat on you and fuck with another guy because you didn't do Crossfit enough. She told you she won't love you and she proved it. What else do you need to know? Life is too short to not be in a reciprocal relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/22 06:32 PM
5

All the memories you see making with them out in the distance all of a sudden get halved, if you’re lucky and get 50% custody. 18 years raising your kid turns into 9 or less just like that.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/22 01:23 PM
6

Loudest message you can deliver to her is in the form of silence and indifference. Live your best life and be better without her than you were with her.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/22 04:03 PM
3

Wat?
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 12:38 PM
6

It’s not going to matter. No court gives a shit.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/22 12:30 AM
18

I was with my “adoring” ex wife 11.5 years and she never one time ever mentioned the word abuse until the divorce was officially going to happen. All of the sudden I was an abusive narcissist and always had been, she tried to take my kids from me for all but every other weekend saying I was an unfit parent. Yes it can happen to you.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/22 12:29 AM
15

None of the bullshit ultimately matters. Work to take what's rightfully yours, be prepared to let go of what the court will deem is hers and just put all of it behind you as quickly as you can. Don't give anything up that you want and don't have to give up but don't let "winning" drag the process out, it's not worth it. The clearest signal you can send is firm indifference in moving on.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/22 02:41 PM
1

If you're really going to suggest that paying for a couple $4 drinks is the same as paying for sex then there's no point in having a conversation.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/22 02:29 PM
10

Zero chance I would ever pay for the company of a woman. It's too easy to meet women and fuck them on date 1-3 if you're so inclined. And if it's not easy for you then you should probably be putting your focus on self-improvement instead.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/22 11:57 AM
1

Some states it is and others it is not.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/22 12:52 PM
1

Well then you don’t know what you’re talking about. Not every state is a 2 party consent state and if you’re filming yourself being physically abused and victim of a crime no court is ever going to deny that evidence. Do you have to have consent to use a dash cam? Do you have to have consent to have a ring doorbell?
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/22 02:25 PM
18

You better start recording her acting the way she is now because as things progress she will flip the script on you and accuse you of being abusive. She’s already showing she will try and use the kids to get back at you, her family already makes suggestions that you’re abusing one of your kids, ALL OF THIS WILL GET MUCH WORSE. You need to be ready to defend yourself and first and foremost you’re going to be faced with having the burden of proof, you will be viewed as guilt until proven innocent.…
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/22 10:27 AM
3

You’re likely 100% SOL on that then.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/22 07:03 PM
2

Where did she deposit the inheritance upon receiving it?
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/22 06:39 PM
4

Don’t try to be reasonable with someone who’s not reasonable. None of what she is asking for will be upheld in court and none of it should be agreed upon. Take NOW what you want NOW because it’s 10 times harder to go back and get it later. This isn’t a partner, this is an adversary. You need to look out for YOU and do what’s best for you because she will not.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/22 06:35 PM
5

Men have feelings that fluctuate up and down and can change daily or more, if they get into a negative place they can still be rebuilt and rescued from a dire place. Women are binary, it's either on or it's off. Read about "the lightswitch effect", it's about as close to total truth as I've been able to find.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/22 01:49 PM
2

Depression is a motherfucker man. Stay in the gym even if you don't feel like you have it in you, find a therapist who you're comfortable with and spill your shit. There's no shame in talking through everything and sometimes you just can't do it with friends and family.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/22 09:31 PM
1

Lol no. There are hang cleans from a hang at knee level and then there are power cleans which are from the floor. Choose one.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/22 05:58 PM
1

hang power clean Pick one. That's two different lifts.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/22 04:51 PM
6

You say you have $7k to your name, spend that on a lawyer or you’ll give $3500 to the ex anyways. It will be the best investment you can make to get a clean break from her.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/22 09:37 PM
3

As someone who works in the transportation industry I would caution you to rethink your timing on all of this! You're about to take on a job where the norm is 70 hour weeks and that will be your baseline for support of your ex-family going forward. I would STRONGLY advise you to divorce and then start the new career rather than the other way around...
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/22 02:30 PM
1

(and physical) What a cunt. Fuck this bitch - cut her off COMPLETELY and immediately. The best revenge you can have is living a great life without her. Do it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/22 01:35 AM
2

Find and hire competent counsel, do what they tell you to do.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/22 01:26 AM
2

I've got pictures galore, got the police involved due to it being a dog biting incident. Dog owners made a claim on their homeowner's insurance so everything will be extremely well documented and on the record now.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/22 03:55 AM
2

I actually agree with this, animals are going to be animals and kids are going to be kids. It was 100% all of the adults there who should’ve never let this happen. It’s our job as parents to help kids understand that not all animals are Disney character and show them what these things are capable of. Fine to enjoy them but ALWAYS have to respect them.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/22 02:16 PM
2

I’ve talked to my kids a hundred times but it’s for nothing when their mom actively encourages them to “go give the doggy a hug!” Just so upset right now. Mad and sad beyond measure.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/22 03:28 AM
2

I’ve spent plenty time with other women and it feels hollow, I’m sure paying for it would only add to that feeling
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/22 12:02 PM
2

I’ve fucked probably 20 women without paying in the past 6 months. The novelty has worn off.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/22 11:30 AM
3

Sold it without telling me. I found the receipt when I was getting her shit together to get her out of the house
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 10:18 PM
6

It's not worth $6k anymore and she's not going to keep it. ​ Mine sold hers at a jewelry store for $1k, paid $5500 for it 9 years before.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 08:13 PM
1

I have 50/50 and I am paying child support.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/22 07:59 PM
2

50/50. PERIOD.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/22 07:58 PM
3

Winning is abuse.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/22 09:05 PM
7

Do NOT let her move your son away. Even at 12. If she wants to move she can move and give up custody.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/22 02:48 AM
6

The longer you play the games and let her occupy your mind space the more she is winning. Nothing is going to affect her more than you becoming completely vacant from her life, the vacuum will speak a lot more than money showing up in her account every single day will.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/22 08:31 PM
1

It’s obviously a very subjective thing but for me if you’re at this stage of life and not well into a solid paying career or still living with roommates driving a shitty car etc. I just want to feel like I’m with someone whose invested in themselves similarly to how I have, I don’t need a dependent.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/22 09:53 PM
3

I've met a lot more with no undergrad than I have with double masters
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/22 02:42 PM
9

That’s exactly it too, a bunch of people trying to find themselves instead of realizing they need to MAKE themselves.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/22 02:39 PM
19

This would typically have been my response BUT I divorced last year and am dating again at 36 and HOLY SHIT there are a lot of women who don’t have their shit together. To be fair I hear the same complaint about men from the women I date too.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/22 01:35 PM
1

When you’re wrong you’re wrong. Own it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 08:48 PM
3

Bro…. No…. If you can’t do it in person then don’t do it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/22 01:51 AM
12

I think my real marriage ended when my mom died, and my ex took bereavement days as an opportunity for me to run errands for her, paint a room, and generally ignored the emotional needs after a pretty traumatic experience for me. And yet, I trudged through the marriage for several more years before we decided on divorce. What is it with these self-centered bitches? My dad had died very suddenly after a very brief undiagnosed bout of cancer, I flew to his house 1500 miles from my own to get his e…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/22 08:26 PM
5

As someone in a similar place who HAS been dating - the way to communicate this is "I'm just pursuing chemistry and I have an open mind as to what that brings about when I find it."
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/22 04:30 PM
2

What is there to not know here? If there's a mutual attraction and you've been clear about your intentions in that they are casual in nature and there is still mutual interest then make moves and fuck them... It's not rocket science. Not everything needs to be discussed to a point of exhaustion and you're going to turn A LOT of women off by being so needy in communication and expression of things. Just be a man, let them be a woman and do what men and women do.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/22 03:56 PM
6

I understand the need for spousal support, but at this point I am paying her not to work. Are you sure you really understand it then? That's what it is in a huge majority of cases...
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/22 02:50 PM
43

And this is the perfect example of why you don't give away a SINGLE FUCKING THING that you don't have to. Fuck their soft landing, make one for yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/22 01:16 PM
6

No advice as I have kids who are much younger. I see my future going this direction in time and I dread it already. I am sorry you're going through it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/22 10:09 PM
5

You can't control or change her behavior, all it's going to do is start a fight that you can't win to try. Let it be water off your back and focus on having a positive relationship with your son.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/22 07:19 PM
6

You've got to keep laser-focused on yourself for now. So that when you're actually ready for someone else to come into your life, you are in the right head space. Go to the gym, do your thing, keep your head down and emerge from this period of growth as the baddest motherfucker you can be. This is exactly right. If you don't develop these habits while you're alone you never will. I jumped into all of that way too soon and I feel my progress stagnating and even reversing as a result. It's hard bu…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/22 01:13 PM
2

I do week on/week off and like it. Fewer the transitions for the kids the better, IMO. Gives everyone a chance to get in the groove.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/22 07:30 PM
13

Things I notice about my ex in hindsight: Easily influenced. She bought into retarded advertising al the time and would buy dumb shit. Same influence will affect her when her fat ass ugly divorced friends are in her ear. Bad relationship with parents and siblings. Straight up wrote them off, same thing happened to me. Completely incapable of taking any sort of critique. History of quitting everything when it got hard. Jobs, military service, hobbies, you name it. Constant fixation on SOMETHING a…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/22 02:49 PM
2

You’re sacrificing months of comfort for years of comfort. Suck it up and get what’s yours.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/22 11:15 PM
4

Start with finding statements showing the money moving and then seek a lawyer who can help and potentially get legal fees back for you with that information. This isn’t something you want to try and DIY.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/22 08:09 PM
4

You never know what the future brings. 2 years ago I lost my dad very suddenly to cancer that went too long undiagnosed, I would've loved an opportunity to see all of this type of stuff of his again. It's the marriage that made me (and OP's kid), I think it's natural to want to know more about it as the child of it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/22 02:43 AM
5

Fuck it, let it accrue at that point. Value of those dollars is dropping dramatically in the current economy.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 08:20 PM
7

THIS
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 04:31 PM
2

Where do you live that you don't have to be physically served the divorce papers?
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 02:20 PM
4

Suggestion has been thrown put that we use the same lawyer. I asked about 50/50 custody and she was opposed. I don’t really care about the house or things, just care that I have enough to start over and that I have enough opportunity to be the main male influence in my boys lives. Get all of this shit out of your mind NOW. Stand firm on 50/50. Don't give a god damn thing to her that you don't have to. 50/50 EVERYTHING should be your hill to die on. Don't be a martyr, there's no honor in letting …
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 02:18 PM
3

This circumstance is yours to change whenever you're tired of living the way you are. My advice to you would be to stop being a victim of shit that's ultimately self-inflicted. She got you started down a path but you had to choose to stay on it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 02:15 PM
3

It does get better. It gets better when you realize that you've set up your whole life to revolve around someone else, as is clearly the case from the last sentence in your post. You have to get back to having your OWN life. You weren't that way when you met her, she wasn't drawn to that, you were a whole person. Focus on getting back into your interests and become a WHOLE person again and don't let that shit go again. ​ The most important part is that she said all of this. It didn't come out of…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 02:07 PM
1

Well if you're giving her more money than you were ordered to I'd agree that's the action of a dumbass. Why would you do that? ​ Get back into the court system and get more time with your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 02:03 PM
10

If it's any consolation I got money back from my retainer as the ex wife just quit fighting altogether. I hope it's as smooth for you.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/22 06:42 PM
5

No. Would you tip a doctor?
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/22 03:41 PM
2

I have literally never heard of anyone having to agree to those terms. If you or your lawyer allowed that to be in your decree that was a big mistake. Why would you ever let your ex wife have that much control over your finances? Essential care like medical/dental/vision? Sure, mandatory. But extracurriculars??? FUCK NO.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/22 02:41 AM
2

You’re absolutely not liable to pay for any part of the extracurricular activities.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 10:38 PM
9

She can’t make you move out until the divorce is final. If she wants to keep the house, great, she can pay you out half the equity and refinance it in her name alone. Refuse to accept less than 50% custody of your shared daughter. Did you adopt the other two? Your stbxw will likely be paying child support to you but she will probably have your income imputed if she has a competent lawyer. Record all interactions, stay sober, do not get upset or react negatively to ANYthing. There WILL be provoca…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 10:36 PM
2

Hard to follow anything you’re saying here but good luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 05:19 PM
3

You can own you shit here and even if you are the one to blame for the divorce there’s still guidance for you to navigate the adversarial process ahead of you. Few of us are completely without fault.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 02:58 AM
11

Also, cupcake's already willingly taking at 25% paycut because she knows she's got her hooks in a higher earner? This immediately stuck out to me as well. But at the same time still going to live in her own fancy and high dollar area. LOL.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 08:52 PM
2

Why are you in such a rush to get married? Is she pressuring you to do so? IMO the whiny kid thing is the chink in the armor already showing. Give it some more time, get out of the infatuation stage and slow the fuck down.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 08:49 PM
3

Where did I say they were?
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/22 09:41 PM
3

I haven't seen in this post - are you getting the kid in therapy? It can take some time to find someone to get him in so do it sooner than later if you're not already. Your kid needs help, he will appreciate that you're the one who tries to get it for him. He's old enough at this point to be heard in a court about his preference on where he wants to be.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/22 06:38 PM
7

She identifies herself as a radical feminist, I can’t understand why if she promotes equal rights she can’t be equally supportive. The last time I saw her at a restaurant I told her that I deserved to be treated reciprocally as I treated her when she had no money. And she got very angry, she told me that I don’t deserve anything and that she doesn’t have anything to be grateful for, because what I did was my responsibility as husband. LOL! If that doesn't just about summarize couch activists.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/22 06:09 PM
1

It's ok to spend some time not wanting ANYTHING. Spend some time this way until something illuminates itself to you. If you spend an inordinate amount of time in this state depression is a real possibility and you might see someone for therapy.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/22 01:34 PM
7

It's what women are doing, why shouldn't we do the same? I don't enjoy being a victim or a martyr so I will instead be selfish.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 03:26 PM
6

Many of us just refuse to play the game in a way that gives you that kind of exposure again, frankly. Be selfish, get what you want/need from the interactions from women and give only what you feel you easily can in order to secure it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 02:59 PM
40

Just divorce her ass and foil the plans. Stop having sex, don’t give her grounds for making any abuse claims and just be done with her.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/22 05:15 PM
1

Oh the group of people in America who has the least sex of any demographic seems like a great one to bring up.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/22 09:09 PM
3

I love how many takes like this come from women when topics like this come up. One half step above calling them an incel.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/22 02:55 PM
5

It's possible they are saying this to you to protect your ego. This same sentiment has been shared by MANY women with whom I have not nor will ever have a sexual relationship with, it's not a rare thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/22 02:02 PM
6

Not really, at least if you’re going to have an effective co-parenting relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/22 01:22 PM
2

Tell her where in the decree it states that you are to do that. If push comes to shove she cannot make you pay but she will surely hang that shit over your head every chance she gets too.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/22 12:58 PM
2

And the alimony part is fine, you may catch some shit from a judge if you have assets of any size that she is giving up. That said, she cannot waive child support. There are state calculators for that and you’re not going to get off without that. It’s not for her, it’s for the kid(s), therefore she can’t waive it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/22 04:06 AM
3

Just FYI in case you don’t know. Your stbxw can do NOTHING to determine whether you’re going to pay child support or not. If she is making that a big bargaining chip for which you’re giving other things up then stop right now. If you don’t have a lawyer for yourself you need to get one to look over the decree and make sure you’re not giving anything away that you shouldn’t.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/22 03:54 AM
2

Auto insurance or health insurance or ???
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/22 03:14 AM
2

I don't think it would be asking too much for a receipt and contact information for the tutor to be provided. You've got to be able to do a little due diligence here too.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/22 07:40 PM
1

In some (most?) states there's AND or OR on the title and docs with multiple owners. If it's AND you need both to participate. If it's OR either one can do it solo.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/22 06:56 PM
2

lol good luck with that. As soon as you say no to something that’s over with.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/22 02:23 PM
7

No she won't because she can't. If she wants the test she can get the fucking test.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/22 02:05 PM
2

Why would lawyers who stand to profit from divorce want to make marriage look less appealing than it is?
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/22 08:17 PM
1

Start being as busy as you can to keep his mind occupied and normalize pending time with you in a way that he associates with fun for a bit. It’s not something you can keep up forever but to get him comfortable it’s a start. Get him pooped out during the day so he sleeps quick instead of laying there dwelling on mom
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/22 05:01 PM
2

Wouldn’t lawyers be selling you on getting married by your own logic?
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/22 04:30 PM
2

Of fucking course. What a system.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/22 05:05 PM
1

With those changes do the financial obligations then change as well? I’m paying CS when I have 50% now, if someday in the future my kids want to be at their moms more do I then get stuck paying more for the privilege of seeing my kids less too?
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/22 04:44 PM
2

Live and learn. Don’t let it keep you down or she’s getting to you twice.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/22 05:54 PM
6

Get into the habit of not sending anything until you're feeling NOTHING again. It's natural to have the reaction but you can't let the emotion be what dictates your action. I know I am preaching to the choir here but sometimes we learn or are reminded of these things the hard way again.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/22 03:02 PM
7

Get an advocate whose job it is to do this shit. Lawyer up.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/22 02:40 PM
3

I agree completely. It’s become a red flag for me when women I date say it at this point.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/22 01:58 PM
2

It's done, accept that fact and proceed accordingly.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/22 06:25 PM
3

That's what I am saying though, the divorce process as a whole is adversarial by nature. You cannot both be advocating for yourself and what is best for you without doing things that come to the detriment of the other, whether that be perceived detriment or real.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/22 03:32 PM
9

I wanted to do it the way you're talking about, had every intention of being helpful and friendly through the process to ensure she landed on her feet. And then she accused me of being a narcistic abusive manipulator and tried to prevent me from seeing my kids with these claims and I quit trying to be nice. Divorce is a contentious process and it will ruin your friendship at least for a little while.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/22 01:57 PM
9

My wife decided to tell me I was a narcissistic and abusive manipulator for the first time when she filed for divorce to end a 11.5 year relationship too, I know how that feels. Be ready for her to use the same rhetoric against you when it comes time to figure out custody, mine did and failed miserably because I wouldn’t accept less than 50% custody no matter what bullshit threats she had. Take what’s rightfully yours and send her on her way with her part of it. The woman you married is gone, yo…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/22 08:53 PM
16

These bullshit allegations will keep going until women are imprisoned for false reporting as they should be.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/22 08:46 PM
4

Just say no, you're paying him, get what you want. 50% joint EVERYTHING.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 01:37 PM
24

She said that we are in our 30s, this is the best time if we would like to have another person in our lives. I think most of us know what this means...
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 02:23 AM
2

Choosing to take less income is viewed as being vindictive and intentional and they punish you for it by keeping amount owed the same.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/22 12:45 PM
4

I’ve got 16 more years on the youngest
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/22 12:11 AM
14

All you're doing is being her emotional tampon. She doesn't get to have the emotional support from someone she is divorcing, she doesn't get to have sex, that's all husband stuff. Keep your dignity and don't fall for this shit because she will pull you out and discard you like a tampon soon too.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/22 03:09 PM
4

You need to change your whole mindset here. You're not "asking for" anything. You're TELLING HER this is what's going to happen. It doesn't take 2 people to do.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/22 06:30 PM
3

What a complete bitch move. Sorry it's happening brother, don't play the pick me game with her. Know that she has been planning this for a loooooong time, I know that doesn't make it feel any better but it does help get the pain out of the way up front so you can move on.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/22 02:38 PM
6

Go see a lawyer and they will talk you through the process. Don’t concede anything you don’t absolutely have to, take what’s rightfully yours. You know what to do, there’s no easy way to do it. It’s trial by fire.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/22 06:40 PM
2

Put your ballsack back on and get your daughter man.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/22 04:01 AM
6

Why do you give a fuck what your women friends think?
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/22 03:44 AM
4

Because most of them have been in there since their 20’s and are alcoholics who have been run through by every swinging dick who will buy them a drink.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/22 03:40 AM
14

Bar women in your 30's+ is a baaaaaaaad deal.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/22 08:16 PM
3

Just be you and take your time vetting women before getting deeply involved with them. Social media is such that people create alternate realities of/for themselves for other people to see and want, very seldom are they reflective of those people's realities. By all means don't lie about being a dad but get some pics that don't have your daughter in them, or at the very least cover her face in the pics.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/22 06:50 PM
1

And I'm their father - didn't stop her bitch ass from trying to take them away from me.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/22 08:35 PM
1

C/o 06
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/22 02:04 PM
4

Excludes ours, that was her choosing. Includes the kids birthdays though.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/22 03:15 AM
4

That’s the rationale I had that made me second guess myself. Maybe next year. This year it just wasn’t in me.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/22 02:39 AM
2

Bear down!
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/22 02:35 AM
2

But flies are literally drawn to shit though…
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/22 02:17 AM
1

You say you've talked to people multiple times, were those people therapists? What were the circumstances under which you arrived at your current custody agreement? What are you doing with your time away from the kids? I feel for you, honestly. I have my kids 50% and even that doesn't feel like nearly enough. I would just say set your sights on doing what you've got to do to get to 50% with them, acknowledging that that's definitely an uphill battle. If you've not tried getting professional ther…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/22 09:32 PM
4

I came home from work and she told me we needed to start homeschooling the kids because public schools were going to turn them trans. We live in a 2k person town in a very red state…
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/22 07:49 PM
2

YMCA does before/after school care here for a relatively small price.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/22 03:16 AM
5

I know that same feeling. When they can sooo easily and succinctly sever the tie it makes it easier to realize how little you meant to them to begin with. It’s a business transaction for them.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/22 01:18 AM
13

I knew I was over it when she “light switch effect”ed me and called me an abusive narcissist etc. I knew right then that the woman I had married was 100% gone and couldn’t feel any love for her anymore even if i had wanted to.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/22 07:13 PM
2

I don’t think many people here argue that kids need a mom AND a dad present. There’s a reason it takes both to make a kid, both are needed to properly raise them. There is no taking away from what you were cheated out of as a kid but you’re a man now, don’t let the loss of that in your formative years stop you from cultivating those skills and qualities now, there are lots of resources available for you to learn it all as you go.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/22 07:09 PM
1

Sure, it’s just $20k less than the male ejaculation credit.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/22 04:32 PM
1

It's honestly a good data point and counterview to someone like I am but I get that.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/22 05:46 PM
2

I am you if you went ahead and had the second kid. DON'T DO IT. Divorced now and the financial rape I faced sucks, seeing my kids half the time sucks BUT it has been fucking amazing to get to be me and not have to worry about her, not cook foods she doesn't like, not do activities or see people she doesn't like. It has been AWESOME to fuck women who actively lust for me again. I had gotten to the same point as you where I was just so disconnected by the end of the marriage that I struggled to ge…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/22 05:43 PM
2

Why did you edit and omit the details you previously had?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/22 12:49 PM
7

Yuck
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/22 05:06 AM
4

Do you ask guys what their number is? You might be surprised, my count is 60+ but with my current girlfriend I waited for 3+ months to have sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/22 04:17 AM
3

I know better than to tell her it bothers me at all. I worry about the whole “boil the frog slowly” thing and not noticing 10 little things like this that end up changing my relationship with my kids, entirely fair to say that this in and of itself is not alienation.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/22 02:20 AM
2

1500 miles away from my friends and family and it fucking sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/22 02:04 PM
3

This was one of those songs I heard plenty but never really HEARD until I divorced. Funny how shit works like that.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/22 01:22 PM
3

This. None of us had kids with the intent of being less than a full time dad.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/22 04:52 AM
3

Getting over a divorce can be difficult for anyone, but research studies have shown that men have a harder time getting over a divorce than women in many cases. Probably because men aren't the ones who usually file and then they get divorce raped on top of that. In addition to these hurdles, men are often more emotionally attached in their marriage than women. See above. Men also must face more emotional adjustment challenges than women, primarily because of the loss of intimacy, social connecti…
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/22 10:59 PM
2

Everywhere you go there you’ll be. Gotta start looking inward.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/22 02:54 AM
2

If you want to pull out of the nosedive you need to pull back on the joystick. You got a shit hand dealt to you, no doubt. So what are you going to do about it now? You can wallow or you can pull the fuck back on the stick and get back to flying. You’re depressed and that’s a serious thing but what are you going to do to fix it? You’re trying nothing and nothing is working right now. Nothing can change what’s happened and is done, you can start changing what’s to come now.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/22 10:29 PM
2

Thsat would be my advice to you on it, albeit hypocritically.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/22 05:09 PM
3

I jumped in immediately when she said she wanted a divorce and refused to work on anything. It wasn't 2 weeks before I was fucking 2 or 3 women every week and I did that for probably 3 or so months. I felt like I needed the validation and it felt good in the moment but got to feeling hollow very quickly and it lost it's appeal. I did find that when I was chasing other women I stopped looking at myself and working on myself because it takes a lot of effort to do that. I regret not having kept the…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/22 04:57 PM
5

You can't make an ex co-parent productively, unfortunately. Do your best with the kids to be a GREAT dad, including pushing them to be their best and holding them accountable. They will appreciate it someday. Just try to not overcompensate and become authoritarian in the vacuum your ex is leaving or you'll lose them.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/22 04:49 PM
9

She’s dumb but you’re going to be on the hook for your house equity either way. As soon as you put your inheritance into the house down payment it likely became comingled community property. If you’ve not filed yet you better hurry the fuck up so there’s a hard date to point to as to what lifestyle there is to maintain.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/22 01:44 AM
4

No, plenty of societies/cultures have 3(+) generations in one house and do just fine. She’s probably just scared your parents will be viewed preferentially by the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/22 01:41 AM
2

Mine didn’t either when we told our girls. I cried in front of our 6yo and then got yelled at after the talk was over for it. Heaven forbid a child see that a divorce affects a parent.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/22 12:47 PM
3

You know what will make her hurt the most? Her doing ALLLLL of that shit to you and you deciding to be happy (and BEING happy) anyways. Even if you have to fake it for a while DO IT! Be happy. Find things you can pursue that bring you happiness and pump that shit out every chance you get. Your kids will want to be around you more and you will make her bitch ass head spin because she is taking pleasure in hurting someone, that's a hollow and shitty existence.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/22 01:19 AM
9

Talked about this while I was in therapy and my therapist gave me a good angle on it - all of the pictures are documentation of activities and good times YOU had, she just happened to be there. Don't destroy YOUR memories to spite her dumb ass, your kids will thank you someday.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/22 01:13 AM
6

This wouldn't even be much of a reach. I have a high stress and physically demanding job. 36 years old and dealing with sciatica already.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/22 04:07 PM
1

True. Would be real nice to be able to be present for my kids when they're in their teen years though.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/22 04:06 PM
2

It would be significantly early, early to mid-40's
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/22 04:05 PM
1

Wanting the 50’s benefits of being taken care of while providing none of the 50’s perks for it of cleaning, cooking, shopping, mending clothes, raising the kids, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/22 02:03 PM
1

I didn’t get to see her comment before she deleted it but this is exactly it. My ex was telling everyone who would listen that I was being financially and emotionally abusive throughout the divorce process, even went as far as contacting a women’s abuse advocate organization who laughed her out of the place. What she wasn’t telling anyone is that I fronted her $80k and she had a 100% paid off F150 that I conceded to her up front in the divorce asking her to PLEASE move out of the house while she…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/22 01:59 PM
19

Refers to her ex as “abusive” or “narcissistic” early and often. Not to minimize women who were actually physically abused but that’s such a TINY number of the women who make these claims it’s crazy and they’re usually not the ones to talk about it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/22 02:09 PM
4

I was ready to spend every dollar I had to my name to protect my time with my kids. Luckily didn’t come to it because she was as much a quitter in divorce as she was in marriage and everything else she did in life.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/22 11:04 PM
5

Started my divorce this way and then she decided mid-stream to try and tell me I could only have about 20% custody so I lawyered up and blew the process up. Ended up paying WAY less in the divorce than I had readily agreed to before her bullshit. I have 50% custody and joint legal and physical custody. I would say the spend you may have in getting a lawyer may be worth it long term unless she is just giving you everything you want with no questions asked. Remember that this is not the woman you …
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/22 09:41 PM
8

I did the same thing: Had a basement flood event, didn't want to pay a contractor to fix it. Wife and I got together on it and talked about me doing it with the acknowledgement that it was going to take most of my weekends for a while, she was 100% onboard with it. About 5 weeks later she decided we should just pay someone else to do it instead, I refused and cited the original plan, she flipped out. I was doing the final trim work in the basement when she filed for divorce and refused any couns…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/22 09:45 PM
4

And yet there were NINE stupid motherfuckers who married her.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/22 04:17 PM
5

Our last fight was me saying NO to her telling me we need to homeschool our kids because public schools were going to turn them into transsexuals.... Our kids go to school in a town of 2800 people in a tiny sparsely populated flyover state....
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/22 02:08 AM
3

It's honestly not her that I am stuck on though. Every time I find a sprinkle of happiness in interacting with someone I can't help but just recoil and have to replay everything to see if I am manipulating the situation for myself solely, thoughts of her directly don't enter the equation.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/22 02:05 AM
4

We were married to the same woman, I got the same trifecta.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/22 01:58 AM
2

Played football at the UofA.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/22 10:43 PM
16

I've been dumping it into DIY stuff at my house. Even sold my Mustang to get new siding on the place. I WANT to buy a Harley but don't NEED a Harley, not sure I will ever bite the bullet on it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/22 11:05 PM
2

Think hard about giving up the marital home. If things get ugly in the divorce at times preference can be to the parent in the marital home so as to minimize disruption on the kids. That said, my ex and I came to an agreement on finances out of court and I fronted her $80k to buy a house just to get her to move the fuck out. We ran everything through the lawyers so that I could make sure my ass was covered. I had to be on her deed as we were still technically married so we had to do a quitclaim …
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/22 01:19 AM
5

"You are manipulative and abusive and have been for our whole relationship!" - Dumb bitch saying these words for THE FIRST time in a nearly 12 year relationship, upon refusing marriage counseling and instead filing for divorce
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 04:45 PM
6

My ex has been shopping therapists for one who will tell her that I am, indeed, a narcissist as my ex was able to diagnose me after watching some YouTube videos. She's dropped out of therapy after every therapist has insisted that she instead focus on herself as she has lots of things going on with her. She's dropped out of therapy completely now.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 04:41 PM
3

Sock day was back in November, I have kids who are 6 and 3. 3 yo was just excited to get two houses, it was and is harder for the 6yo. It has gotten easier with therapy but she is still sad. That said, it needed to happen when it did and my advice to you would be to not wait it out if its an inevitability in your mind anyways. Show your kids healthy love instead of what you're in, they can sense it I promise you and that will become normalized for them and what they have for themselves.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/22 09:44 PM
5

Was she always a victim in her own story like that or was it something that developed over time? I swear there's a real epidemic in people right now trying to see who can be the bigger victim in life.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/22 09:08 PM
6

Holy fuck. Gooooood riddance.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/22 06:28 PM
2

I agree 100% with what you're saying but I busted my ass to try and relieve her of stuff on "the list". By the end I was doing all of the cooking, all of the cleaning, all of the laundry, all of the house maintenance/repair, all vehicle maintenance/repair, all yard work, half the stuff with the kids etc. while she did the dishes 2 or 3x weekly. I was a dancing monkey begging for her to throw something my way and I just couldn't do it anymore. Every time I would take something off of her list it …
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/22 05:48 PM
4

Our sex life was slowing to next to zero, I told her plainly that I needed more from her and that I was tired of always being the last priority in our marriage. She cried and said I was ALWAYS her first priority even though we were having sex like once every 2 weeks at that point. 2 days after that fight she completely forgot my birthday until 5p when she was browsing facebook and saw my mom's post wishing me a happy birthday. I knew that day the marriage was over. She never cheated (I verified …
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/22 04:43 PM
6

IDFWU Big Sean
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/22 11:41 PM
3

Let her try and run that through the court - GOOD FUCKING LUCK! Heaven forbid a dad spend time with their kid in an activity that sounds fully appropriate to the child's physcial constraints. Fight the good fight brother.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/22 01:55 PM
6

Not to mention the lack of blow jobs hahaha Are you sure you understand how kids are made..?
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/22 04:58 PM
3

Guys who deceive women by selling a dream don't count as doing well with women. This happens everywhere in nature. Do you think the frog that croaks the loudest or the bird that does the best mating dance is always the actual best male?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/22 05:33 PM
6

I don't know how you've not hidden a nanny cam or two to capture all of this extremely difficult work she has been doing on video.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/22 12:12 AM
19

They know, they don't give a fuck.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/22 05:09 PM
3

You got this brother. I went to therapy for the first time in my life 6 months ago and it has been one of the most healing and restorative things I've ever done for myself. As providers we get into a shitty cycle where we let our self interests go and get locked into dad/husband/employee mode 24/7, and the worst part is that we are the ones who do it to ourselves more than anyone else ever does to us. There's a lot at work with body chemistry at the age we are all getting too here as well, don't…
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/22 04:00 PM
9

I'll agree with others here - I think you're depressed and there is NOTHING wrong with getting help for that. You're talking about things as though there is something external that will bring you validation and excitement and happiness but the truth of the matter is that while some of things can work for a short time REAL happiness has to live within you and if you blow up your situation in pursuit of it externally you're going to be very disappointed. Get some therapy, there is NO shame in it a…
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/22 01:37 PM
4

But if you force them to face that then the script just gets flipped to "he has been abusive for the whole relstionship!" Pick your poison.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/22 09:44 PM
6

For me it was post-kids that the change happened.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/22 06:37 PM
3

Don't mean to be coming at you negatively, I just feel for you in the situation. Unreal that someone like her can even be considered for custody after all of this bullshit.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/22 03:48 PM
3

I am sorry but this woman sounds like the dumbest human being on the face of the earth. How TF did you marry and impregnate this?
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/22 03:43 PM
4

I am better AND bitter but voted bitter until I can honestly say I'm just better and not bitter every day. Get a little closer all the time.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/22 02:53 PM
1

I let it mindfuck me too but after a few months in therapy I came to the same realization. It just takes a little critical thought but damn if someone you've been with for a decade + saying that shit to you doesn't fuck with your head.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/22 12:00 AM
7

Wat
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/22 09:22 PM
7

HOLY SHIT! You two are married to the same woman I was married to! I also got "eggshells" and I am also now a diagnosed narcissist from my ex-wife and her YouTube video training.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/22 09:20 PM
2

OK, let me go back and edit to include an and there. I realize the two are different.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/22 07:04 PM
3

Literally where in the red pill is that mantra? That's incel and MGTOW bullshit. TRP is all about drawing women TO YOU.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/22 06:48 PM
1

Username checks out. Why can't we just celebrate what makes us different rather than trying to become some weird androgynous blob of humanity?
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/22 06:46 PM
2

Fuck no I wouldn't, I would never have matched or even talked to her either though. I do happen to know what some of the women my friends have fucked looked like too though soooo....
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/22 03:57 PM
3

I mean you can think that, sure.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/22 03:49 PM
5

Google "pig woman experiement". It will horrify you.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/22 03:23 PM
1

Looks like up to 40% of you GROSS take home What the fuuuuuck. You'd have like 10-15% of your net income left in some tax brackets. That is pure bullshit.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/22 03:09 PM
24

Work for 50/50 man. Once it's set it's damn hard to change.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/22 05:00 PM
7

You can't make the claim that "men act like women with penises" and then also claim that women get to define masculinity. Men act the way they act in present day because masculine traits have been allowed to be "defined" by women. Masculinity is masculinity, it's intangible and not able to be purchased.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/22 02:03 PM
7

It's literally not, it's whatever they feel like they don't have in any given moment. Money isn't masculinity and lots of masculine men have been left for dudes with more money. You're conflating things.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/22 01:16 PM
4

Is it all just a play to get my kid to like them more, want to be at their house more? Yes, absolutely. Paired with the fact that a lot of women are pretty heavily stunted in cause/effect rationale. Is there any counter to this that doesn't involve court and lawyers?! Court and lawyers will get you nowhere with this stuff, unfortunately. Get your kid away from screens, go do fun stuff with her so she doesn't even think about this BS and grow the relationship of love and trust you have with her. …
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/22 01:08 PM
14

The introspection of self is good advice but the masculinity thing is a joke. Plenty of masculine, high earning, good looking dudes have been walked on. Women just want tingles.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/22 01:04 PM
2

Realistically - you can't. If push comes to shove forensic accountants will track it down and you'll be fucked harder than you otherwise would be.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/22 11:23 PM
3

My ex bounced and jumped into church after being agnostic or borderline atheist for 32 years. They're there too.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/22 10:56 PM
1

I'm not sure I understand what you're asking?
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/22 10:20 PM
18

Fair is taking everything you're entitled to, including your part of the $650k she has and imputing her income. Go get it king.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/22 12:45 AM
10

Good luck collecting
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/22 07:56 PM
8

Perfect example of this! I come from a kind of rough town, one of my friends from home bought a tiny shithole house in THE worst part of town and fixed it up, it looks really good but it's still like 1000 sq ft for him his wife and 3 kids. His wife is a photographer and knows how to stage things well and has a big presence on Instagram with the "SAHM my life is so awesome" types. I was house shopping with my ex and she kept saying she wanted a house like these friends have, she had never seen th…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/22 07:04 PM
5

It's because they have major Electra Complex and expect the lover they take to take the place of their daddy.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/22 06:46 PM
5

Somebody hits on Powerball too, odds are about the same.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/22 06:12 PM
10

Handful of months post-divorce here and mine is an "independent woman" now too who don't ever need no man again. Except she's finding out that houses cost money to maintain, as do cars, as does her lifestyle. I give all of that a year TOPS.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/22 06:12 PM
5

Membership has its perks, opting out of the membership should result in the loss thereof. Instead they get half the juice with 10% of the squeeze.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/22 05:11 PM
3

You're likely already going to be on the hook for spousal support with the duration of your marriage if you two have a teen daughter together. Get filed NOW because the sooner that plays out the sooner she gets the fuck out. She will antagonize and try to provoke confrontation to have a GOTCHA for the proceedings. Lawyer up, file, serve her ass, become a grey rock.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/22 04:54 PM
7

Did you buy the house before or after having married her?
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/21 01:35 AM
2

When this "objective reality" is in disagreement with society at large's definition of reality then no. This is the social retardation aspect.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/21 05:55 PM
8

OP edited that in
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/21 05:11 PM
6

I would agree with this if it's taking into account emotional intelligence and social intelligence as well, but people who make posts like OP never mean those things, they mean their super niche interests that nobody else cares about.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/21 03:33 PM
42

Bro is talking about reading books about Egypt. It's definitely the second kind.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/21 03:06 PM
9

"Intelligence" - which anecdotally I find most people who describe themselves to have are dumb fucks - provides no utility until formal education in a useful field that comes with good compensation as well. If you're hanging your hat on this as a selling point then maybe you're a pseudo-intellectual but you're socially retarded because you think it compensates for being a dullard and probably out of shape too.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/21 02:46 PM
2

No not really but that is a good thought.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/21 02:40 AM
2

This aligns pretty well with my train of thought, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't overlooking a longer play for insurance here. I appreciate being affirmed in that stance.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/21 10:54 PM
1

Just stop communicating, period. They're trying to run the conversation and talk AT you rather than WITH you. You don't have to bend the knee until they act appropriately.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/21 03:33 PM
1

My ex-wife pulled the same shit at 32. Went from atheist to full on born again reading a bible daily and listening to Christian podcasts all day within the span of literally 2 months. Had to divorce me to start her new Christian life, lol.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/21 03:26 PM
2

Gets complicated when personal accounts are comingled with business accounts as sounds to be the case here.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/21 03:16 PM
1

Get your money now while you can. You have ~20 days a month to make that your focus, there's no disputing the effect of time in a market and you have NO idea what your ex will try to pull where you may need the capital to fight for the time you do have with your kids. You will want to get back into your interests at some point, let that come to you in time. Get back on top financially ASAP, IMO.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/21 03:06 PM
3

Then take half of that shit.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 03:02 AM
2

I wouldn't be opposed to marrying my new girlfriend in the future, because she's a unicorn and there's no risk to me like most women would be. LOL
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/21 09:45 PM
1

You need to find a way to get OK with being alone. Comfort comes at the cost of personal growth, if you're growing you're not comfortable.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/21 08:57 PM
1

Live your best life, brother. I am in the same place now where all of the sudden even with child support and paying 2/3 of all kids expenses I have a few thousand dollars extra left over every month and get to do whatever the fuck I want to do with it, I have 50% custody and on my "off" weeks I go out and see new places, take trips, eat new stuff, spend time with new women. She's still a shut in who talks with her fat cunt co-workers via text and IM and she got a cat that the kids tell me shits …
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/21 08:45 PM
5

This is exactly how I felt. I was sad for a week, maybe two; then it was just pure bliss and has been ever since. I get SO much more shit done, my house is not a fucking mess, I take out the trash MAYBE a quarter as much as I used to. I still do the same amount of chores for the most part but pay less without her around. I've enjoyed being back out and dating again, fuck hotter women who make more money than my ex does and have none of the bullshit to put up with to try and get it. Divorce has b…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/21 08:24 PM
0

one sentence
/r/PurplePillDebate23/11/21 09:22 PM
3

Ultimately - who gives a shit who "the asshole" is? Everyone in your life who is going to take one side or the other on all of it is going to choose the same one regardless of who files. Remove all of those feelings from the equation completely because they don't matter. Be selfish, do whatever the fuck you feel.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/21 06:35 PM
1

If you get to the point where you know there's no saving it and you want to end it then you can end it yourself. Doesn't sound like you're there yet. When you know you'll know.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/21 06:21 PM
4

Sometimes it's just what they say it is, maybe she actually needs space. It may not be a bad idea to get a consultation with a lawyer now and be ahead of the game but if you and she are willing (and WANTING - do you WANT to save it?) to put in work to save it and she's not just hitting eject then give it that chance. I would suggest proceeding as though you WILL be being filed on and then be surprised if it doesn't go that direction rather than proceeding as though you will be married and surpri…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/21 05:46 PM
1

We tried the online route at first too. Last about a week and a half before she flew off the rails.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/21 02:55 AM
2

You should elaborate a bit on how you got caught up with false charges etc so that others can not make the same missteps.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/21 01:38 AM
6

I don't even think it's subconscious, honestly.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/21 01:33 AM
4

I've been dabbling in casual situations with women since she filed and refused to do counseling, truth be told I am fucking more now than I did at basically any point in my marriage. I wouldn't have to play or pretend a bit if I was set on doing that sort of thing and they ALL have stories of the shit that dudes pull in dating. Some of it is suuuper hard to believe. I put in next to no effort into things and I could go on dates with multiple divorced women a day if I wanted to, all playing the '…
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/21 01:10 AM
2

Yea, you would have been fine until the brother part. You have to find a way to control yourself or you will put her in the driver seat.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/21 09:24 PM
3

It is a minimum of one year. There are different bench marks that must be met and cannot be done sooner then the timeline. This is very state-dependent, mine took 75 days total.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/21 09:01 PM
3

I died inside the whole time, you're going to have to get to a point where you accept that things are going to be shit for a while. Don't give up the war for a couple battles. How bad was the email you sent to her?
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/21 08:17 PM
4

Luckily my house had a pretty much fully finished basement and I spent 90% of my time there. I would cook for the kids and try to get them outside to play at times or take them to a playground nearby just so there was zero opportunity for us to have conflict. I insisted with her that any and all communication needed to be via text or email because A) it provided record of what was said and B) it gave me a chance to not act on emotion and think about my replies logically before responding. The te…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/21 07:28 PM
8

I've been in one other long-term relationship when I was young and after 4 years she needed to "find herself". Coincidentally she came back and tried to get together again 2 or 3 years later, right at the time when I met my now ex-wife and I shut her down. I see a lot of similarities in all of this and the way that had played out. I have very little doubt that my ex will eventually test the dating pool and realize she fucked up big time and try to crawl back. I'd be lying if I said I don't look …
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/21 05:34 PM
5

Lawyering up and offering her half the assets isn't scorched earth, it's the norm. Establishing and enforcing your boundaries is what made the difference here. The number one reason men get fucked in divorce is because they fall on their sword. They give their wives the lion's share of assets and custody thinking that's what's expected of him. Excellent point here.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/21 05:00 PM
3

EXACTLY! I've always been a firm believer in that you are the company you keep - she has taken to saying that this proves I am a narcissist and think I'm better than people... lol. She has chosen poorly and her life path will certainly reflect that going forward, already starting to.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/21 04:41 PM
2

Literally none of this applies but thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/21 04:16 PM
2

What, do you expect the to WORK for things they want? They're victims!
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/21 03:26 PM
1

You don't have to answer the phone. She's doing it because it works.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/21 04:14 PM
2

And we as men are pushed into being stoic providers for women who then victimize us for it. We have to get better at turning off that stoicism and being ready to fight for what's ours instead of laying down in front of the steamroller the woman we married is now driving.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/21 09:51 PM
2

My bad, misunderstood what you wrote.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/21 09:50 PM
1

Fire the motherfucker then. There are plenty others who would be happy to get paid by you for their service.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/21 09:00 PM
3

Set a time daily that she can call to speak with the kids and then hold her to it. If you have things you NEED to discuss then that's the time for it as well, otherwise she can talk to her kids and that's that.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/21 07:40 PM
6

Have you done any therapy? Mine did the same shit - accused me of being a narcissist/abuser/manipulator on the way out of a 11.5 year relationship when she never even ONE time said those things about me/to me while we were together. It fucked with my head big time. I got therapy and came to the realization pretty quick that it was all about her and her bullshit and not me. I don't claim to have been perfect, I am sure you weren't either, but if you were the monster she is accusing you of being y…
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/21 07:39 PM
1

Isn't that what this place is??
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/21 04:41 PM
3

Holy shit is this accurate...
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/21 07:09 PM
10

This phenomenon is sooo real. I don't even know what the fuck happened to the woman I had married but she doesn't exist anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/21 08:45 PM
3

By who? Better get filed ASAP then.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/21 08:45 PM
13

She will not do anything in YOUR interest for you, period.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/21 10:08 PM
12

Alimony As if she was married to any of the baby daddies.
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen09/08/21 06:32 PM
2

Stop retarding. This video means nothing without context.
/r/PussyPassDenied18/02/21 08:08 PM
1

Fake and gay
/r/PussyPassDenied15/01/21 07:31 PM
1

I think he is the source of his own problems. 10/10 times the guy is a complete dickhead.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/20 02:09 AM
6

So you need a woman too then? Just for the record.
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen15/10/20 03:18 PM
16

Wow this is fake.
/r/PussyPassDenied29/09/20 11:23 PM
8

I have a feeling this was the old boyfriend who created this account.
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen25/09/20 06:08 PM
1

By chance are you a northerner? I think northerners would find those of their kind more acceptable but southerners would prefer those cut of their own cloth as well.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/09/20 02:09 PM
8

I've lived in the south for many years, statistically speaking the south is more obese than other parts of the country.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/09/20 02:06 PM
143

Ah yes, the well reputed chiseled physiques of those people in Texas, Louisiana, Alabama, Mississippi, and Georgia.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/09/20 12:51 PM
2

If you have to ponder your lesbianism you're not a lesbian. The problem you have is not with ALL MEN, it's with yourself, that's the common denominator. Fix the true issue if you want to live a happy life.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/09/20 11:14 PM
65

"The urge to look at their social media is gone now that they have blocked me on all social media." Lol
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen22/08/20 02:51 PM
1

Settle.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/07/20 02:30 AM
2

If you think a single woman on there is real you're kind of retarded.
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen11/04/20 02:03 PM
43

People don't put affairs on display. The ones you know about are just the dumb people who got caught.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/04/20 11:31 PM
3

This just seems like making fun of a fat person, not WAATGM.
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen01/04/20 10:52 PM
14

God, life in the city is just SO glamorous.
/r/PussyPassDenied10/03/20 08:11 PM
13

Wait a minute.... so you're telling me that reality TV has fabricated drama???
/r/PussyPassDenied09/03/20 05:21 PM
1

Well that's good because they're all a bunch of cat ladies anyhow. I refuse to believe any of those cunts have any success with the opposite sex in any capacity.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/20 09:23 PM
399

Imagine thinking that picture looked good.
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen15/02/20 02:29 PM
6

Equality is racist! Got it.
/r/PussyPassDenied10/02/20 02:04 PM
8

Thank goodness we have heroes like you in the world. Nobody will ever have their feelings hurt by words again!
/r/PussyPassDenied10/02/20 02:00 PM
10

Everyone can be "deeply emotionally wounded" by words or nobody can. Cant have it both ways cupcake.
/r/PussyPassDenied10/02/20 01:49 PM
9

You're just as ok with a white man slapping the shit out of a black woman calling him cracker, right?
/r/PussyPassDenied10/02/20 01:17 PM
3

Why do idiots display their (lacking) intellect online with dumb questions?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/20 02:29 PM
12

It's almost like people pretend to have higher standards than they really do when someone is judging them....
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/20 12:49 AM
2

Dudes will transform themselves for a whiff of pussy. Low value dudes.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/19 05:55 PM
1

He said the least I've ever paid.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/19 12:35 PM
5

OP does though.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/19 01:08 AM
3

Not attempted or succeeded at every weekend. It's certainly not atypical in my circle of friends though.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/19 12:44 AM
4

$0
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/19 12:36 AM
4

You should say it a few more times, maybe it'll make you right.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/19 12:18 AM
13

Sorry, busy interacting with women that I didn't have to pay. It's ok, that friend never knows he's "that friend".
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/19 11:27 PM
41

Holy shit, it's that one friend we all have who thinks the stripper is really into him.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/19 11:15 PM
1

Two people who put equal time and care into their hygiene and presentation could get together despite any "league." I don't disagree with this statement at all, but in my mind this puts two people into the same league. I guess I am not understanding what other criteria would be used for creating "leagues"?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/19 04:39 PM
1

Placing extreme values into variables is an easy way to test validity of an equation.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/19 04:30 PM
1

Greasy ass fat NEET men who give no shits about personal hygiene or appearance can be with supermodels Imagine believing this.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/19 04:24 PM
1

Keep in mind anal sex isn’t really something you’re both doing together - it may feel amazing for men but essentially it’s something you’re doing to a woman. ​ This is a pretty sweeping generalization, I've been with women who got off hard on anal.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/19 04:07 PM
1

More importantly, MRP's sidebar to make sure he's being the man he should be being. Someone who doesn't care for themselves is not appealing to someone else.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/19 03:53 PM
1

I'm not crazy about Tuna Casserole but my wife loves that shit so I will make it sometimes knowing she enjoys it.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/19 03:42 PM
1

It's ok, I am sure you provide her with a very stable lifestyle... The fact that you never fucked any of your other partners in the ass is as telling as you not fucking your wife's.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/19 03:12 PM
1

Nope
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/19 11:30 PM
1

You can like your own kids while also despising everyone else's. Bigger problem is you take on a little shithead that you can do nothing to help 'correct' because the kid becomes your financial responsibility but not yours to mold as a true parent would.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/19 02:19 PM
7

If he has to tell people that "he's the alpha", he is not an alpha.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/19 08:54 PM
2

This is false. How do you explain ugly ass rich dudes with model SO's under this premise?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/18 05:23 PM
10

r/iamverybadass
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/18 03:27 PM
1

Or even decline if it's economically... Not seeing too many signals of economic decline right now...
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/18 01:36 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter