New guy

Dunklerverfaast · 2023-01-02T05:39:28+00:00

Oh man, I know that feeling. Fuck, I think it just took me back.

Mine ex is a narc so she took it next level. She kept rubbing him in my face and kept insulting me that the dude she met 2 weeks ago was already a better father than me and my kids "cry" for him.

She moved in with him within 2 months and moved my kids as well and here is the part which took time for me to get around: I can't do jack shit about it.

She has love bombed him and is virtually unrecognizable as the same person I knew. He is 100% saving her from the patriarchal man that I am.

I asked my therapist why the fuck would a 40 year old person would be all in on a fucked up npd/bpd 26 year old with 2 kids, that doesn't add up.

She replied with a straight face: "he must be getting the best sex of his life and probably regular anal".

That oddly made sense

1Cobbler · 2023-01-02T04:58:16+00:00

It's bound to hit you in some way. The woman who you thought you'd be with forever is fucking someone else. Likely someone she's only spent a hours with. It's pretty emasculating.

Mine cheated with women and she seemed to think that wasn't as bad. In some ways it was I guess. Probably if she leaves the gross bitch she's with at the moment and ends up with another dude it will hit me a bit, and I truly don't want her back.

rb5775 · 2023-01-02T10:29:59+00:00

The thing that stands out to me is that she probably knew you were bringing the children there and she had her new boyfriend there anyway. Brother, she makes me upset. Keep moving forward. Only interact about the kids and focus on making yourself better. I've been in your shoes. You'll do fine.

lostcanuck007 · 2023-01-02T12:51:24+00:00

hah..dont wish her the best, instead hope she gets what she deserves. Any guy into a woman with kids is just passing by or is plain stupid.

the overprotectiveness is a real thing, i would advise hiring an investigator to look into his background discretely, if he has any sort of criminal record then you can have a field day in family court.

coffeefrog92 · 2023-01-02T12:44:18+00:00

Fuck. Thing is, I know this day is coming sooner or later too. I think it's something you can't actually prepare for, you just have to take the hit when it comes.

xjeeperx · 2023-01-02T15:42:29+00:00

Yep, bout 3 months ago when I found out she let the guy move it without a job and the money that should’ve been for my child was being used to support her boyfriend.

Rough-Area4765 · 2023-01-02T16:00:40+00:00

My son called yesterday and told me mom left him (m10) at home for New Year’s Eve and didn’t come back till 2 pm yesterday and spent the night with her boyfriend. She flew her mom in from another state to watch him. His older brother (m14) was out all night also. She barely saw them in December and as soon as her parenting time started 4 days ago, she was out all night till the next day.

All paid for by child support and my past earnings.

Nothing can be done about it. Funnel that anger into the gym!

Even-Drawing-4208 · 2023-01-02T16:26:42+00:00

My ex has been with a a guy since before we were divorced. Took no time to herself after 17 years in a relationship… just jumped to the next guy who she has already cheated on. I think it’s a self esteem thing for her. She doesn’t have any. Anyway this dude is clueless with my kids and it’s all very frustrating…but out of my control.

AttemptScary4550 · 2023-01-02T19:13:18+00:00

Yeah it's a difficult thing to deal with but surprisingly the kids know better than you realize. I now have 2 adult children that avoid their mother because of the new guy and two teenage boys who do everything they can to stay with me. It hurts to watch her ruin this relationship. But she said "it's not like we will see them more than 10% of the time now that they're adults." True however those important times when you want them around they won't want to be there either. I also know from being one of those kids. Make them a priority now because they deserve it and long term the relationships will pay off for you.

dday_throwaway3 · 2023-01-02T21:57:39+00:00

Of course it's normal. But here's the thing: Women can find a new man as long as they can fog a mirror.

Realize that you can't control her behavior. You can only control your reaction to her behavior. It's Stoicism 101. Focus on the things you have control over.

joemoorcarz · 2023-01-02T19:58:34+00:00

I understand the concern for your kids. What sucks is she knew you would be bringing the kids home at that time. When divorced parents start dating they need to prepare the children for the first meeting not try to set up a scene.

COnewbie719 · 2023-01-03T01:27:15+00:00

It's interesting, right? Whenever we lose something, or our lives change.. we try to plug that hole with something else. For men, it's porn, work, gym, alcohol, sports etc. External validation is the perfect distraction. For them, it's almost always a train of weiner or just one single locomotive who they can convince to take care of them. I mean I get it. It's nice having someone there. The biological clock is ticking. We're not getting any prettier. As far the primal instinct to protect, there's nothing we can do. They know who their Dad is and they know they will be protected when they are with you. It will only be a few more years and they'll be FaceTiming you constantly!

Title	New guy
Author	vancityoriginals
Upvotes	23
Comments	27
Date	January 2, 2023 4:48 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1013mk7/new_guy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/new-guy.1147514 https://theredarchive.com/post/1147514

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