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xjeeperx Archive

View 16 posts and 577 comments by xjeeperx on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Tough situation, I can’t imagine that. I told myself when it started if she turned my kid against me I would just let go and hope it worked out in the end.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/26 09:15 AM
1

Ok guy, if you wanna throw away money paying an attorney every time you turn around because she “lied to the court” you go right ahead. It’s your money, and the lawyer will gladly take it. Judges don’t care, you’ll be laughed out of the courtroom because they see it all the time. It’s standard in divorce decrees, just not enforceable; it’s in mine too and I was told I may as well wipe my ass with that page. Best thing you can do is accept it and get over it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 08:58 PM
1

The courts don’t care, those clauses are largely unenforceable. Unless the kids are in danger or she royally pisses the judge off, nothing will come of it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 11:05 AM
5

This is what’s bothering you most.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 01:27 PM
2

She’s actually living rent-free in your head. I get it, mine moved a guy in, and has had an on off relationship. It’s not great but kids are resilient and her right of association trumps anything written into the agreement about where she can live or who she can associate with. Go to the gym, lift heavy weights, get your kids as often as you can and don’t worry about things you can’t control.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 01:27 PM
2

Totally get it, but if they’re on the brink of divorce and he doesn’t want to be baby trapped by her or anyone else it’s worth considering.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 04:29 PM
18

If he doesn’t want one, he doesn’t have to get one. However, if he doesn’t want more kids, there’s no reason not to.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 01:20 PM
5

Run the other way! At minimum wrap it up.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 11:45 PM
1

Having this same philosophical conversation with my current girlfriend. Might buy her a ring and see if she will be satisfied with engaged forever.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 03:09 AM
1

Mine’s 5 and only tells me about watching tv or playing a tablet.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 08:54 PM
3

Mine is with a guy that we fired from my current employer because he wouldn’t come to work. Lol.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 08:52 PM
1

You may not be truly interested, but you should be able to look up on the nursing registry for your state to see if she’s licensed.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 08:51 PM
11

Wow, mine was also a nurse, I tell people, I have a degree, just has my ex’s name on it lol. She quit working to go to school full time, I provided for her 2 kids helped her with coursework, did some of the coursework for her. She didn’t appreciate it and I thought it was just stress, but looking back that was just who she was.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 12:54 PM
6

I went, but I found the therapist to really just be validating me and agreeing with me. I didn’t need to pay someone to just listen and nod. Best therapy I ended up with was going to the gym regularly. Might sound harsh, but I dug really deep into, “it doesn’t matter how you feel because no one cares.” And really evaluated what I did wrong over the years, took responsibility for it and I hold myself accountable for it now. The ex still doesn’t think she played any part in it. But I’ve also progr…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 04:29 AM
5

Lol, mine had a guy moved in within a couple of months. Then they had an on again off again where he’d leave for a while then he’d be back. So not really a stable situation from my perspective. But there’s not much to do about it. I say that to preface that I’ve been dating the same woman for over a year. She didn’t meet my kid until 8 months. I let my ex know a while back that I’d been seeing someone, then recently I told her she’d be moving in during the summer. And she said “that’s really soo…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 01:27 PM
3

We didn’t have a lot but I wrote everything down and it’s value, by her getting to keep all her jewelry, the furniture, and appliances it was more than all my tools and grill etc.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 10:26 PM
3

You’d be surprised, I was single for 3 years. Have been in a relationship for 10 months now with someone who was perfectly fine with every other weekend. She’s met my kid 3-4 times in the last 2 months. But I was very up front from the start that I wasn’t introducing them until I was reasonably sure that she would be around a while because I didn’t want my 4, now 5 year old getting attached to someone only to disappear.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 04:53 PM
3

So, I have slightly less than 50/50, but when you count school, daycare and extra curricular activities work hours, sleep hours etc. I really have more waking hours than my ex. I use the time without to better myself, plan for my next weekend etc. I don’t argue with anyone about anything and I plan around my weekends. My ex recently made the comment that I’m just “living my life while she’s doing it all” and while I didn’t respond it really made me reflect and I’m supposed to live my life. I’ve …
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/25 02:10 AM
1

I dealt with a similar situation. But it was the step-kid that wanted to go live with dad. So the dad filed a report and was charged with DV3 Harassment. Then the DA tried to upgrade it to child abuse, but my attorney said the child’s story was never quite the same leaving too many holes for the additional charges. The DA and magistrate are actively working to change the demographic info for crime and I was told by 3 attorneys I was being railroaded because the original report was hearsay. But a…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 11:16 AM
1

We had an adjustable king that was two XL-Twin mattresses and bases connected together. Shoulda seen her face when I loaded up my half and took it with me. 😂😂
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 12:33 AM
1

All mine have been money orders, I have photos, bottom half, and receipt for every month filed away.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 12:22 AM
3

Best thing you can do is be happy alone. Once you’re happy being by yourself and you know who you are, what you want, what you will tolerate, dating becomes easy. Don’t look at it like “women don’t want a relationship with you” because if that’s true, then they’re not right for you, whose loss is it? You just haven’t met the right one, and the less you think about it the more likely it is to just happen without you really realizing it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/25 04:59 PM
1

We used one attorney (mine) I gave up more than I should’ve, but I’ve built my life back up pretty well in 3 years.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/25 12:10 AM
7

For now. Divorce is ugly, you’re about to see the worst side of her you could imagine. She’s going to try to drag you across the coals. Just be ready for it. Just like any negotiation always start out higher than you’re willing to take. Because I guarantee she will go for primary custody. Also, don’t get heated, be a gray rock, or you’ll end up with charges.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 12:55 PM
7

I agree with this, except, you should get primary custody since you’re already taking care your son most often. You should get 70/30 minimum.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 12:07 PM
2

Eh, didn’t mean it as discouraging, just that OP shouldn’t feel jealous because she’s easy access for the simps is all.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 10:27 PM
20

Just how it is. Women control access, so they sleep with whomever they want, while men sleep with whomever they can. That’s why high body counts for women = low value, because like a door knob anyone gets a turn. Whereas high body counts for men usually mean that the guy is above average looking, wealthy, fit, etc. Don’t be jealous, she’s just got a roster of simps.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 03:46 PM
8

Yep. We’re taught to figure it out and that no one cares about us.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/25 04:27 PM
13

Same story for me. Stuck in the victim mentality is all I can say.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/25 04:25 PM
4

Narcissism is so overused that the courts are tired of hearing it. The biggest thing you can do is accept that she’s going to do things that you can’t control. You respond accordingly when it happens. And that’s it, don’t let her live rent-free in your head. Monitor the kids, respond to her only when necessary, and with minimal response. Ok, thanks, etc. if she is a narc, it will drive her insane, but it will bring you peace.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 03:46 PM
1

I was dealing with a lot of what you’re describing, then there was a triggering event launched by one of her previous kids that wanted to go live with bio dad. I decided I was no longer safe in that relationship and filed. We didn’t have anything to fight over really, one kid together, split almost 50/50, I pay CS, no alimony, gave her the house via quitclaim. Stayed with a relative for 2 1/2 years while I lost 80lbs, leveled up in career, and got my stuff straight to get my own place. I’m final…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 03:28 AM
4

Just accept it as part of life and move on. It’s not fair, but nothing about life is fair so 🤷🏻‍♂️
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/25 06:07 PM
7

Dunno, mine is blocked.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 07:02 PM
5

Got the “I miss you” text myself this week. We’re 3 years out. My response was basically that our only interaction should be regarding our kid. She tried to twist it into something I didn’t say. I didn’t let her, then she tried to manipulate by saying it would be in our kid’s best interest. I sidestepped that comment completely. I’m a much better father and person in general at this point.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 05:40 PM
3

Sometimes leaning into it is all we can do.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/25 11:49 PM
7

To those offended by this, whether you believe it or not it’s meant to be encouraging. It’s the acceptance stage of grief. You accept that no one cares about how we feel. You pick yourself up and put one foot in front of the other and keep going. We’re all in different places, I won’t pretend like I understand what anyone else is going through, but dwelling on it and wallowing in it doesn’t get you through it. You all deserve happiness, decide what that is for you and chase it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/25 11:47 PM
16

We’re taught from a young age to just deal with things, “walk it off”, “man-up”, because no one cares how we feel. So we just tolerate the bullshit.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 05:04 PM
1

Unfortunately no one will do anything about it. Almost impossible to get that felony charge issued.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/25 04:28 PM
12

Don’t try to meet someone. Just live your life and be happy. If it happens it happens.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 05:01 PM
5

Yep, I’m 3 years out of my divorce and just started dating a few months ago. Wasn’t really expecting anything and really had accepted dying alone lol. But she’s really laid back, no kids, has a good job. Already a better starting point than previous relationships. Not moving her in anytime soon, and still unlikely to ever get married again, but so far things are going well. Closest semblance to a healthy relationship I’ve ever had. Antennae are still up looking for signs of crazy though. 😅
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 04:57 PM
4

I may have found one, jury still out tho. 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 04:02 PM
2

Work on you, take ownership for your part of it. Get happy being by yourself, get your life together, and then find someone that adds to that happiness. I’m 3 years out, just started dating again, and it’s actually going well. I know what I want, and what I won’t tolerate.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 08:50 PM
3

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 Congrats on doing it however you wanted to and it being just fine. It’s the little things.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 07:39 PM
4

Removed all from my phone, she put albums in a trash can that I took out and put in storage so my kid could decide to keep them or trash them.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 07:36 PM
2

Mine kept hers (idk for what reason) but I would’ve done the same thing had she left it. It does seem like the only fitting thing to do with it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 06:30 PM
2

So, all the apps suck. And for men it’s seriously like a 100:1 ratio of swipes to matches. And then when you get a match they either won’t reply to your message or they ghost after a short back and forth. I got stupid lucky and matched with someone who I’ve been out with several times and is absolutely amazing. But I had zero expectations and was just passively swiping just for the hell of it. It’ll happen when you least expect it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 07:04 PM
2

Depends on a lot of things. Your worries are valid, just keep seeing where it goes. I’m 3 years out, have been on a few dates, but just met someone kinda out of the blue when I wasn’t really looking and I have no expectations what so ever, but she really ticks more of my requirements boxes than I ever expected anyone to. So I’m gonna see where it goes. Few months ago I’d have told you to cut and run, but it does look like there are at least some decent women still out there.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 02:05 PM
2

Clearly we’re in different tax brackets. If I’d paid $80K I wouldn’t have any parenting time with my kid cause I’d be homeless.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/25 02:39 AM
2

No, I get what you’re saying, it’s just crazy that we allow it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 03:35 AM
2

Nah, it’s BS that it’s even possible to spend $80K to dissolve a marriage lol.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 02:29 AM
2

Right, coulda sent 2/3 kids to college instead of paying for the attorneys kids to go to college.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 02:05 AM
3

Spending $80K to win isn’t a success story…completely unattainable for most people.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 02:04 AM
3

Unfortunately the truth is, she was always the person you divorced. You were just initially blinded by love / lust, and she was wearing a mask.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 05:31 PM
3

Remember for every good memory there’s several dozen bad ones. Works for me…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 05:29 PM
9

Mine keeps trying to add me on insta lol. Nope ✌🏼
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 02:11 AM
4

“Stay together for the kids is BS” my child got a way better version of me than I would’ve been staying trapped in that miserable marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 09:50 PM
1

This hurts my soul that you would leave Montana for a single mom in Alabama. And then it blows up.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 11:21 AM
1

I don’t, I remind myself no one cares how I feel. Head down, keep pushing. Lift heavy, handle your business, and better your life. As men, no one cares if we are ok. It’s our responsibility to create our own happiness.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 01:56 AM
1

Yea, and the state department gets a cut as well, and you pay taxes on it and cant claim it as a deduction.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 01:25 PM
1

Applies to a lot of things, but mostly women.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 02:52 AM
11

It’s not real. Let it run its course, don’t get attached.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 03:59 AM
1

So, if you’re worried that you’re a narcissist, you’re probably not in fact a narcissist. Parallel parenting is your goal. Basically you just ignore her bs and do what’s best for you and your kids and let her seethe.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 05:44 PM
5

Mine makes it a point to text me that my kid “doesn’t want to come to my house” every single drop off. Has even started causing fits before drop off by starting an activity and then abruptly stopping it to leave to for drop off so that she can bring my kid screaming and crying. Usually only takes just a few minutes to get past it once we get home. I appreciate that most of my pickups happen at daycare. I just ignore it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 04:22 AM
4

My social circle was destroyed long before the marriage failed. She seemed to have an issue with everyone that I was ever associated with. In several situations she made ultimatums and I cut people off for several years. Most of them won’t talk to me still, and the ones that do are standoffish. One even made the statement that it was like I basically dropped off the face of the Earth for 10 years. Not that I blame them, it was my mistake, but now I know that anyone who expects me to choose betwe…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 04:16 AM
6

3 years and it’s not going well.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 03:33 PM
1

Childcare was included as a line item in the child support calculation in my case.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 05:15 AM
4

For women it’s to secure their future. Most get housing and income.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 12:54 AM
1

I had Christmas with my kid Saturday morning so that there was time to play with stuff before going back to Mom’s tomorrow. I’m sure Christmas Day will still kinda sting, but Christmas is when and what you make it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 01:33 PM
1

Don’t worry about what she is doing. Mine was dating immediately…in retrospect, she was likely cheating on me since I’ve found that any time she accused me of something she was actually doing it, but I digress…I’m 3 years out and just started dating again and I’m still not sure I’m ready. Take your time, rebuild yourself, and upgrade every part of your life. Then when you’re happy alone, start dating.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 01:52 PM
2

So I have my kid 3x a week 4:30PM-7:30PM, sometimes these end up as overnights if my ex has work to catch up on or doesn’t feel good etc. and every other weekend, with alternating holidays. Doesn’t exactly end up 50/50, but excluding daycare and sleep hours it’s pretty close. I do pay CS, but in Alabama I was destined for that anyway. It works well for us, but travel distance is negligible for drop offs.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 10:20 AM
3

Second this. She wants to try again…until the next time she gets angry, frustrated, or mildly inconvenienced.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/24 06:02 PM
4

Hindsight is 20/20, but it may make you feel better to know that no amount of proof would make that big of a difference. The courts don’t care about abuse against men. They see the $ just like the wives because they get a portion of it for collecting and distributing.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/24 06:01 PM
2

Personal happiness is the only revenge.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 01:02 AM
3

Feel the pain, move through it. Better yourself, be there for your kids. Lean into yourself because you’re the only person you will ever have to count on.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 01:11 PM
2

Not really.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 05:22 PM
6

Right about that. My dad tried to tell me, I didn’t listen, thought I knew everything. Just glad I learned early enough to start over.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 03:19 PM
4

Her plan is for you to support her. Do not increase your income until everything is finalized.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 04:06 PM
2

Starting over at 44!? That’s a no for me.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 05:15 AM
1

List what you want, break them into smaller steps you need to take to reach them and set more attainable goals and tasks for your short term. As you accomplish them you’ll start to pick up momentum and extra motivation.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/24 01:52 PM
2

Sounds like she’s on social media too much.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/24 03:57 PM
8

I’m at nearly 3 years. I recognize my life is better than when I was married, but some days are still difficult. Mourning the family unit and always having someone to share moments, memories, and events with especially when I don’t have my kid. Just means there’s still room for more growth, trying to get to the point where my own company and my own happiness is enough.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/24 12:53 PM
3

I’ve questioned everything I once thought I knew. I have a totally different belief system.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/24 12:06 AM
4

Look up parallel parenting.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 09:47 PM
4

Thanks for the reminder to never get married again!
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 08:43 PM
1

I was told by multiple attorneys that character statements aren’t worth a roll of toilet paper.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 07:23 PM
8

Before we got divorced I worked days and she worked evenings. She’d come in at midnight and flip the lights on in the bedroom. Said it was no different than my alarm going off at 5:30 waking her up. Found a way around it, I started going to sleep with the lights on because it didn’t wake me when she turned them off. She realized what I was doing and then started coming in slamming drawers and cabinets in the master bathroom to ensure she woke me.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 04:21 PM
3

Same man. Hopefully it gets better but I’m about to enter year 3 and while I’m bettering myself I’m still not happy, or feel fulfillment.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 02:10 AM
9

Yea, my dad was physically present, but I spent very little time with him and saw very little emotion. All pretty much came out as anger. Basically stifled all of my emotions my entire life and tried to gain approval from women by being what I thought they wanted me to be. While at the same time not participating in relationships on an emotional level. Leading to resentment because I was creating covert contracts that if I did xyz she would be happy and do xyz for me, and then my suppressed emot…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 02:09 AM
16

I learned that I’ve been people pleasing and co-dependent. I put myself last so many times that I completely lost sight of who I am.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 12:21 AM
4

Yup, tonight it definitely is. Not sure why it’s like this sometimes. I enjoy the peace most of the time, but sometimes it’s just hard being alone. Even in a room full of people feeling completely alone.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/24 01:50 AM
4

I’d wait, no reason to add issues or spend extra money fighting over something else.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 10:08 AM
6

Totally agree with this. I’m nearly 3 years out and I’ve thought about dating, been on the apps, but I just don’t think I’m ready. I’ve been focused on bettering myself and enjoying my time with my kid. Good thing is I know what not to tolerate in a relationship now, bad thing is that will weed out the majority of women lol.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 12:01 AM
1

Yep, waiting on my ex to ask for more, this will be my exact response. “If you can’t get by on what you make and what I give you then we can adjust the custody order and I’ll take care of everything our child needs on my own and I won’t even request any child support.” Sounds more than fair to me, I’m removing the financial burden of supporting the child the majority of the time, and not requesting any financial support from her in return. Unfortunately it would still depend on the judge because…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 10:31 PM
5

Yep, all the pieces fall into place when you’re able to take a step back. Mine was always making little accusations, then as soon as everything was finalized she’s got a boyfriend moved in and everything clicked.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 04:25 AM
2

I have no idea why you’re being downvoted. My life has gotten exponentially better since I took full responsibility for my actions, my decisions, and my reactions / responses to the adversity that I have faced. After years of wondering why a god would allow xyz to happen to me or anyone, when others give glory to the same being believing that it intervened in their life in insignificant ways to make it better, I realized that if there is a god, at best it’s just watching everyone blunder through…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 09:50 PM
10

Man, I need to find this loneliness crowd, just gotta line up with one that has the same occasional idle time as me 😅.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 10:06 PM
6

And he cheated on his new girl with her. Jerry, Jerry, Jerry lol.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 05:21 PM
18

Why would you want another wife?
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 01:53 PM
1

If I didn’t have a kid with her I’d have moved across the country in an instant.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 02:41 AM
1

Not gonna lie, during the marriage I was just as guilty of “I’ll wash them tomorrow” but the resentment formed when I put 1 bowl in the sink and got home from work to 4 bowls, 3 plates, the skillet she used to make breakfast 6 cups and what seemed like every utensil in the drawer left in the sink, and I had to wash them all before I could make dinner. And then after making dinner I didn’t want to wash an entire other load. Idk when it’s just me and my kid and I’m cleaning our mess, it’s much les…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 02:40 AM
17

Yep, I just don’t care to do it again. They fly the first red flag and I just completely lose interest and go back to my grind. I don’t want to do the whole dating thing, I don’t want to get to know someone who will be gone from my life in weeks to months. I just don’t have time or energy to expend on it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 02:17 AM
7

For a while when the divorce first finalized, while I was getting my living situation settled, I was watching our kid at the home that became “her home.” She was working nights at the time so I’d arrive as she was leaving for work, and do the normal nightly routine for myself and our kid, and then leave when she got home. I brought the food to cook so we didn’t have arguments about me eating her food. And basically made sure I left the house as it was when I arrived in what I thought was a reaso…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 11:49 AM
7

“Our kid can find their own way” What the fuck?! She didn’t think that sounded like the wrong thing to say as she was saying it? Grief, I thought my ex was self centered.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 11:38 AM
9

That’s pretty normal now days, it’s happened to me a couple of times. People seem to be incapable of outright telling you they’re not interested, they just ghost. The devastation you’re feeling is really just your body reacting to the crash from the dopamine high that you had from your infatuation. Your brain was likely already creating scenarios where you were pursuing a long term romantic relationship, when you hadn’t even had the first date. You’ll get past it, I found that I can apply the sa…
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 02:11 AM
2

Well then I think you’re pretty much left with deciding if you’re going to allow the behavior to continue or if you’re going to follow through with the consequences for her continuing to violate the boundary that you set. I don’t think that most people intend to ever get divorced, but when one person is making an attempt and the other isn’t, it becomes nearly inevitable.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 09:39 PM
4

If you haven’t “learned your limits” by 32, you’re not going to. Plus that 100% sounds like a line from an alcoholic. Quite frankly, she’s taking advantage of you in pretty much every way. From the sounds of it, you have a 32 year old dependent, not a wife. Normally ultimatums don’t work, if people don’t want to change, they won’t. But in this case you don’t have many options, think of it as more of a warning. It’s unlikely to be enough of a wake up call to signal a change, but you can’t keep go…
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 08:38 AM
1

I’m mid 30s also, and my background is very similar to yours. 2 serious girlfriends, and I married the 2nd one. I think that’s the majority of my problem, I never had any exposure to different types of people. Didn’t know what things to avoid, then one day I realized I’d been with a walking red flag for 10 years. The dating world is a total shit show right now. I have almost no interest in it what so ever. Between scammers and people who ghost after about 4 messages, I gave up on the apps. I als…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 10:28 PM
1

Only somewhat self-imposed. Not a lot out of quality women out there these days.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 05:34 PM
2

Don’t get married again. That’s the only way to prevent a 2nd divorce - about 70% of those end in divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 04:23 AM
10

I’m nearly 3 years out and still have bad days. I don’t miss my ex, but I miss the family unit. I also don’t care to date, guess I don’t see the point in risking what I’ve started to build. I just stick to my routine, work, gym, time with my kid. I focus on bettering myself. I’m down 80lbs since October of 2022, hit my goal weight in April and have been able to maintain it. Got a lot of reasons to be happy and proud of myself, but I’m just not. And I don’t know how to be. I just get up every day…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 04:17 AM
3

The gym and basically spending free time working lol.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/24 05:28 PM
10

She was a victim, preyed upon by toxic men and her most recent ex “was a narcissist”. She’s still using this narrative. She had no friends and almost no contact with any of her family. What really woke me up is when she told me that I was just like her ex’s and she’s pretty much the only thing that we had in common…
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 01:34 AM
1

Nope
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 09:39 AM
3

I feel that. Fake it til you make it sounds so cliche, but it’s way better than applying a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Just keep going, one day at a time.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 09:10 PM
2

Yup, in the end, all you got is yourself. Take care of you, because no one else gives a shit.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 10:44 PM
2

Exactly this, don’t give in, whatever she asks for, offer 1/4 of it. Don’t get frustrated, don’t rush it to get it over with. Be smart, be stubborn, keep your best interest in mind, and fight for what you deserve.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 10:43 PM
6

Just don’t worry about it. You can’t control it. It takes 2 people to make a marriage work, and 2 people for it to fail, you can only own your faults and grow from them. Also, she’s saying whatever she wants, but anyone who believes her without asking you isn’t someone you want in your life.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 03:31 PM
2

Just do you, if you want to, do it. If you don’t want to, then don’t. The first year I did, she rolled her eyes, so since then I don’t. Lol
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 10:19 PM
7

If you think she might be, she probably is.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 02:28 AM
5

Gotta do what’s best for you, and control what you can control. It may seem like it, but logically, if you don’t get to see them and they’re not really in your life, moving to better yourself isn’t a selfish action. May get painted that way by the ex, but the truth is, even if you stay you’re gonna be made out as the bad guy…don’t worry about what anyone else thinks.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 11:44 PM
6

Not gonna even pretend to lie. I’ve spent a good bit of time thinking about what I would do if my ex turned my kid against me. Definitely wouldn’t be much motivation to stay where I am and keep doing what I’m doing. I wouldn’t go back to your home town, they’ll look for you there. If you’re truly done, go travel the world.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 11:20 PM
1

Only sounds dumb to someone that hasn’t experienced it. I still don’t trust myself, looking back, my decisions were horrible. I overlooked every red flag like it didn’t exist.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/24 01:43 AM
8

You’re probably right. I’ve noticed more since I’ve been divorced that most people are just liars. Not just women, but they’re generally worse. You only got yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 12:02 PM
5

Not sure who “everyone” is that you’re referring to, but I’m 2 & 1/2 years out, have made a ton of progress in several different areas of my life, and still honestly it’s almost a daily struggle choosing not to end it. I have joint custody, almost 50/50, the child support sucks but is bearable. I just keep going through the motions hoping to feel like myself again one day… Not sure what’s worse, being lonely, or having people pretend like they give a shit about you, only to find out they were ju…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 03:56 AM
8

Not arguing about every stupid little thing. Dealing with things that happen as just things that happen, instead of something that I somehow caused lol.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 12:34 AM
5

This is pretty much exactly how I feel. 2 1/2 years out and I’ve had almost no interest in dating because I don’t trust my own judgement at this point. I also want to be happy alone, but I’m just not. I’m ok, but that’s about it…I’m making moves to develop myself and my future, but just keep going to keep going. Most days I don’t really want to…
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 10:19 PM
1

Depends on whether it was by choice.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 04:15 AM
1

He meant if she is single a long time it’s a red flag. Usually means nobody wants to put up with her.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 02:53 AM
4

If they’re not satisfied with your commitment without a piece of paper from the government that waives any risk on their part if they cheat or leave, then that’s what they have in mind.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 06:33 PM
1

I’m going on 3 years with no real interest in dating at all.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 02:07 AM
2

That’s crazy. If I ever lost access to my kid, I’d move far away and start over. Maybe even a different country. I’d stop paying everything, change my phone # and disappear.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 04:16 PM
1

Not harassment if you’re attempting to communicate with regard to the child. Harassment by most legal definitions is: words or behavior that threatens, intimidates, or demeans a person. Harassment is unwanted, uninvited, and unwelcome and causes nuisance, alarm, or substantial emotional distress without any legitimate purpose.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/24 08:12 PM
3

This, your metabolism will start to be affected and your body will start packing on fat reserves because you’re not getting enough nutrients.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 12:04 PM
6

I don’t like that math. And assume that the alimony goes away if you cohabitate or get married.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 01:48 AM
1

Yes, I understand that’s not feasible for some people due to location, but my ex is only a few minutes away. I pickup from daycare and drop off with mom after a few hours. It works well for us.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/24 04:24 PM
4

I have my kid every other weekend and 3 hours on 3 days a week. It’s not quite 50/50 but it’s a great schedule that I came up with that keeps a normal routine and allows more time than alternating weekends. I get a good bit of additional time based on my ex’s schedule.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 01:36 AM
7

Yes, having children is something that you have to agree on.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 01:19 AM
8

We’re taught to fix things, make the best of what we have, we value what we’ve built, the life, the family, all of it. Many women these days don’t put in any effort, they think that they are the prize. And they have nothing to lose, they get half of what they didn’t contribute to, plus a monthly stipend for having a child and/or being married for so many years.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 06:22 PM
1

Might get lucky and get in front of a scorned judge, but apart from that, it’s just a waste of money to try to get contempt for a sleepover.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 11:53 PM
1

Not sure what state you’re in, but it’s pretty common knowledge that you’re not going to get anywhere trying to enforce a clause that restricts the ex’s right to association.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 11:51 PM
4

Don’t give false hope, judges don’t care unless the child is subject to bodily harm and you have proof.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 10:18 PM
3

These often make no difference. Her personal rights generally trump the clause and they’re almost impossible to enforce because a judge doesn’t care unless the child is subject to bodily harm.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 10:16 PM
4

Gym
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 09:22 PM
1

If you have a kid with her, unless she makes a great deal more than you, or you have full custody, you’re going to owe child support. There’s no getting out of that. The alimony is probably the only thing you’re looking at dumping if you can make a good enough argument that she’s already being taken care of by someone else.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 11:34 PM
6

I get that, but she may not actually be married, what OP saw could just be her social media fantasy world. But I was saying regardless of that in most states if she’s living with someone else there is no alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 03:30 AM
4

Alimony isn’t an issue if she’s cohabiting, even if she isn’t married yet.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 01:01 AM
6

My only bother is the influence it has on my kid. Aside from that I couldn’t care less what she does. But then you also have to get to the realization that you can’t really help the influence on your kid either, as long as they’re not in imminent danger of bodily harm, no one cares. So you just have to make sure you’re setting the example of a man that you want your child to see. If you create a stable, loving, stress free environment for your kid, then they’re going to have a great example of h…
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 05:04 PM
12

Same man. Rough being mind fucked into thinking that you can make another person happy by sacrificing your own health and happiness. I look back now that I’ve done the work to understand how damaged my way of thinking really was, and it’s crazy how many red flags I ignored, or excused.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/24 07:35 PM
1

Also how loyal she is…or isn’t.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 02:41 AM
11

I’m at 2 years. Mostly focused on rebuilding my life, I’ve considered dating, but at the end of the days I know it will just complicate and slow down my process. So I haven’t spent any really time trying to develop a relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 12:22 AM
7

This, but sometimes they’re followed, sometimes judges use them as toilet paper. Better to just not get married. There’s no benefit to being married. She wants a ring, get her a ring, but save yourself the trouble of divorce by not getting married to begin with.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 10:24 PM
5

We’ve all had our share of tears and hard times. I’m 2 years out and still get lonely. But I’ve lost 70lbs, and bettered myself in so many ways. I’m a better father because I have peace. It’s just focusing on one thing at a time.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 12:39 AM
7

Yes, yes they do. I’m 2 years out. Ex sent me a super long message today. Started with “I don’t expect a response” and then went into a whole thing about how she felt, and how she never intended on this. And at some point transitioned to how hurt she was when I betrayed our family. And how she’s healed and hopes that I do and wants the best for our kid. I read it, read it again. And gave her exactly what she claimed to expect. I could have argued, could’ve pointed out her hypocrisy, but at the e…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 02:48 AM
5

11-13 is an awkward age, one has weird priorities at that age. If he’s not interested, don’t drag him along. You don’t want to turn a bonding experience into resentment and strife.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 03:03 PM
2

You’re just wasting money on the attorney. You’re entitled to your opinions about the matter, but the fact is, unless your child is put in danger, like physical danger and you have undeniable proof, a judge is going to shrug at this while you are out $5,000 or more. And your attorney knows it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 02:03 AM
11

Sell them the idea. They could totally market the dead bouquet for ex’s.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 02:00 AM
2

😂🤣
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 01:52 AM
3

Haha, glad it worked out that way.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 01:29 AM
12

Work to gym to bed. Same as every other day.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 12:27 AM
5

Might take me too long to decide.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 11:44 PM
3

Agree with this. Remember, you’re a gray rock. Do not react to anything she does or says. Keep your cool, record when necessary. I agree with getting all weapons out of the house.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 11:51 PM
3

I’m not.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 04:03 PM
8

Most of us feel the same. Are you at trial? Was there any mediation? Most cases are settled prior to the trial. Also, you should instruct your lawyer to only contact you about things that need your immediate attention. Both attorneys will do and send things that are frivolous just to incur cost. You also shouldn’t be paying her attorney fees. And finally, something that took me a long time to learn. Being a decent human being doesn’t get you anywhere. There’s no consolation prize for being a goo…
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 11:30 AM
2

Mine didn’t.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 11:20 PM
4

They always have to weigh the risk, if they take you back to increase child support based on decisions they made, depending on how the judge feels that day, and your stability, you could walk away with custody and her owing support if you file for modification of custody.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 05:28 PM
1

Lol, read the room, most of us are just done completely.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 01:45 AM
0

Losing faith isn’t an excuse for a change in values. She likely never held those values and only pretended to because of the guilt or shame she thought she would feel if she acted on her true values. I lost my faith, but my morals are in tact and I’m largely the same person I have always been. I just woke up from the idea that being a good person = a good life because that’s not at all been my experience, and since I’ve stopped asking the imaginary deity why things are happening “to me”, and rea…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 01:40 AM
0

I’ve since about age 11 I struggled with my faith in Christianity. My ex wife knew that, at some point she suddenly decided to join a church that was a different denomination than I grew up in. I went, but still had my struggles. I’m well versed in scripture, can’t remember the last time I went to a sermon that I hadn’t already heard the scripture from. But I can’t help but question the “pure goodness” of a god that would create man, knowing they would eat from the tree, and yet still punishing …
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 01:02 AM
2

Man, something about cleaning up after yourself is so much easier than cleaning up after yourself and someone else. Especially when the other person who didn’t clean up after you or themselves wants to criticize your effort.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 11:47 PM
7

Worked out so well the first time you wanna go back for seconds?
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 11:39 PM
3

Welcome to the brotherhood. It’s unfortunate that this happens, but the best thing you can do is not respond to it. Don’t let it bother you, don’t try to defend yourself. And if anyone believes it without coming to you to ask questions, they’re not people you want in your life.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 06:39 PM
1

So she can do it again?
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 01:32 PM
5

Listen to this! I fell on my sword and signed a quit claim for the house that I purchased before we got married, I took none of the equity, and traded the $450/month mortgage for 3-4x to rent. Basically the same situation as you, 5 years married 11 together, only 1 kid. I thought I was doing the best thing for my kid at the time, but now I know the best thing would’ve been to send her on her way and fight for full custody.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 12:51 AM
13

She’s just as likely to act on her feelings toward a married man as she is a single man.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 10:44 PM
16

Nah, she was emotionally cheating at the very least.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 10:44 PM
3

Yep, I find it makes it easier when I focus on the bad days more than the good times.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 10:32 PM
4

Thankfully my divorce happened when I really didn’t have any assets or retirement. Glad I learned this lesson early on.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 04:36 AM
12

Also, don’t block communication from him, just don’t respond. You need his communication as evidence moving forward. When discussing the kids, only address your ex, do not include him in texts, if she drops him into the group, you intentionally text only her with the replies.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/23 11:07 PM
18

For today, if you’ve received threatening communication from her new fiance, go to the police department and file a report. Once the police department opens on Tuesday, call to see if the report is completed. Once it is complete and you have it in hand, go sign a warrant for the guy and press charges for harassment or threatening communication whichever the magistrate prefers. And the try to have a restraining order issued. That will deal with the guy who has no business in the matter. Don’t tel…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/23 11:05 PM
3

Sounds like you’re older, and don’t want any more kids, another option is to get snipped and have fun with whomever you please without having to worry about it.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/23 04:25 AM
3

No More Mr Nice Guy isn’t about blaming her, it’s very introspective and teaches you how to evaluate yourself and why you do the things that you do. When it began, and how to identify when you’re doing it so that you can start to make changes.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 11:08 PM
3

Poor guy, 50% of first marriages end in divorce, number shoots to a little over 70% on marriage #2… horrible odds.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 08:22 PM
8

I’m just past the 2 year mark. I swipe on dating apps but it doesn’t go anywhere. Most people can’t hold a conversation, or ghost after 2 messages.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 12:18 AM
1

That is the issue that I have, idc about the guy. He’s a loser, late 20s can’t hold a job and chasing a 40 year old with 3 kids from 3 different BDs. I’m honestly not sure which of them is more pathetic. But the fact that my kid is being told to lie to me about something so trivial makes me worry about what else I’ll be lied to about.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 04:55 PM
2

Morality clause, it’s mostly unenforceable, but it’s really up to the judge’s discretion. Again, it is what it is, but the secret keeping is my main concern. Because if his presence is a secret, what else are they hiding?
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 03:40 PM
8

She’s open to WHAT?! Let’s think about this for a second…if she is open to dating you, then the only reason she’s blowing up the marriage is to be able to take from you AND go fuck whoever she wants… I mean…guy…please. Stay on the path you’ve been walking, sounds like you’re making great progress, and her jealousy is the sign that you’re doing the RIGHT thing!
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 12:00 AM
19

Those flags aren’t big enough.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 11:56 PM
2

Daycare is built into it as well. So it likely wouldn’t make a difference until school age.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 12:00 PM
2

I was told that there had to be a “primary custodian” in Alabama, split is more like 60/40, but it’s relative to whatever job she’s working. For about 8 months this year I had so much additional time that I would have been the primary custodian. As for the amount, they just ran it through the state calculator. And let her give her hourly rate without a check stub so no overtime or additional compensation on her end was calculated. But I had a check stub with a large amount of overtime incurred.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 10:24 AM
3

-AL -1 kid -$60K vs $65K -She’s responsible for medical insurance. We split uncovered costs 50/50. -$700
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 04:47 AM
7

Damn bro, some of these women are absolutely nuts.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 01:31 AM
1

No
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 01:40 PM
3

No
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 11:38 PM
1

Ghosts and people asking me to subscribe to their content pages. It’s pathetic.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 08:24 PM
5

Won’t get that, unless there’s proof of neglect, in which case you’d be better off pursuing full custody rather than receipts. Many women use child support to buy new cars or as extra spending money for themselves, hair, nails, clothes, but as long as the lights are on and the kids have food and clothes the court is gonna be indifferent to the misuse of the funds.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 11:36 PM
14

You’re letting them live rent-free in your head. Every action gets an equal or opposite reaction. You push your kids the way you want them to go, and they either push back or push away. Trying to control things that you don’t have control over leads to a miserable existence. Pull your kids in, love on them, show them the example of the person you want them to be. Don’t play the game, and you’ll likely win.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 10:45 PM
1

Ha, they come off as stable and mature in the beginning. But then you realize, there’s a reason why she was single at an older age…
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/23 10:58 AM
2

Same, I decided that my kid needed the best version of me. I was so stressed out ALL THE TIME that I could barely function, much less be a good father. I’m 2 years out and very little gets to me at this point. I don’t have to worry about what fresh hell I’m coming home to after work, no bs arguments. I’ve lost 50lbs, my blood pressure issues are gone, it’s been an all around positive turn. Sure, I wish it had worked out, I did love my ex wife, but I couldn’t take it anymore, or have my child gro…
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/23 10:53 AM
4

Might regret it, but most of us would agree that you’d regret getting married even more.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 02:38 AM
4

Nah, fight that. Just keep control of yourself, no arguing, get a recorder or security cameras to defend against accusations of abuse and be a gray rock. Don’t settle for less than 50/50 custody. She should pay you child support, and you should get half the equity in the home and one car. She’s delusional if she thinks she will get more than 1/2. And you’re a sucker if you let her.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 02:36 AM
25

Women usually don’t have any repercussions for acting in the manner you described. Judges ignore or excuse it. Continue to be the gray rock.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 02:00 AM
7

I’m nearly 2 years out and I still experience some of the things you describe. The peace I have is amazing, but the silence can drive you crazy. It’s a balancing act, sounds like you’re doing all the right things, just gotta keep at it. Let yourself feel the emotions and let them pass.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 12:18 AM
3

Don’t react. You’re a gray rock.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 03:02 PM
2

As a mid-30s guy myself, I moved in with a relative. Almost at the 2 year mark from the final divorce and I’m still not out on my own. It’s definitely not ideal, but only have one kid that is young enough that privacy and a separate room isn’t an issue yet, so I’m just making it work until I get my stuff right. Granted I work 60 hours a week so I’m basically only there to sleep, but moving back with your parents isn’t the end of the world.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 12:01 AM
1

Yep, she had a problem with every person I knew. So I’d cut them off to avoid the arguments. Hell, by the end she had added more people that I went to school with on her social media than I did.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 10:20 AM
1

Yep, she was enough for me, but I never was for her. Wish I had opened my eyes a lot sooner.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 10:19 AM
1

This is good advice. When I got married, to quote one of my only old friends that will even speak to me, I “dropped off the face of the Earth.” It’s really difficult to rekindle a friendship when you shut people out. I did it to avoid arguments and accusations, but looking back now, I see that those arguments and accusations were like giant red flags slapping me in the face… It’s also extremely difficult as an adult to make friends…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 10:15 AM
17

Don’t react, you’re a gray rock.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/23 12:59 AM
2

Lawyer, you’ve got some catching up to do. She’s probably 1/2 way through the process prep wise.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 02:02 AM
10

It’s insane that you have to “prove your case” when if it were reversed you’d be sitting in a jail cell by the report alone. Feel for ya, don’t know what I’d do in that situation. Know what I’d want to do and how crazy it would drive me knowing that if I acted on instinct alone it would be even worse on the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 02:01 AM
1

Nope, it’s a hard pass for me. Will be an upfront part of any relationship if I ever choose to enter another. I raised 2 that weren’t mine, and have a toddler now. Not creating more opportunities for a woman to use children as weapons.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 09:36 PM
4

It’s great for most women.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 04:37 PM
1

They do, just often times not with the man they’re married to.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 10:03 AM
2

I probably worked 100 hours a week for the first 2 months. Whenever I didn’t have my kid, I was at work.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 10:26 PM
9

I really just have no interest in dating. I’d rather build my life how I want it and not worry about someone taking half of it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 03:44 PM
5

Can’t make a one-size fits all declaration. I filed no fault just to get it over with. And my child is much better off in my opinion. I’m a much more relaxed and happier person in general which makes me a better parent.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 04:10 AM
1

I plan on doing so before I re-enter the dating world.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 05:11 PM
3

Lol, I’ll have to remember this in 15 years.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 12:35 PM
5

Came here to say this. All you can control is yourself, don’t react. Be sure not to give her the satisfaction of any reaction at all.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 12:34 PM
1

At 18, 16 and 15, they may very well reach out to you on their own. I had 2 step kids, one is now an adult and I have a great relationship with, the other I have no contact with and prefer it that way.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/23 02:41 AM
1

So from my pov, the car is her problem, not yours. I signed the house over to mine, quit claim deed, and she was given 90 days to refinance. My attorney told me if she didn’t within 90 days we would file contempt charges. We signed the papers 3 days before the 90 day mark, but by that point she was making the payment because I left and told her I wasn’t paying it anymore and I didn’t care if they foreclosed on it, I’d just file bankruptcy since I’m starting over anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 01:29 AM
8

Comes and goes man, I’m 18 months out and still have bad weeks. Helps me to try and remember the bad times instead of the good ones.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 01:16 AM
3

I’m going on 2 years. I just don’t really care to put effort into meeting people.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 12:05 AM
2

Lol, I don’t hate women, but I try to learn from my mistakes and avoid repeating them. How many men do you think actively thought they were settling when they got married? The woman you divorce isn’t the same one you married. There’s no foolproof way of determining how it ends up. There’s really only one way to avoid ending up a woman’s ATM. And it’s not misogyny, it’s factual data, how many women do you know or have you ever heard of paying child support or alimony to their ex husband? Not sayi…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/23 04:05 PM
12

Why are you in this sub? Do you see the sheer number of men that this exact same thing has happened to? All men should teach their sons that marriage is a scam. There’s no benefit for a man to get married, it’s a contract that women are rewarded for breaking.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/23 01:46 PM
0

I think they have a class where they teach them all what to say. Mine said the same thing, that I controlled the finances. But she quit her job and went to school full time as soon as we got married, and I was providing for a family of 4 on $15/hr. The money was gone as soon as it hit my account, sometimes before. And you’d have thought the world ended when she started working and I asked her to help me pay off the $6k in credit card debt that had accumulated over the 3 years she was in school. …
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 08:23 PM
15

I told mine happy birthday. But on my birthday I got nothing. Same situation for Mother’s Day / Father’s Day. Lol just the petty games she plays. I’ll continue to be cordial as a good example to my child on how to treat others, even when they treat you like dirt:..
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/23 12:55 AM
5

I wouldn’t marry again period.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 08:01 PM
8

I did everything that I could to try to make her happy. I lost myself trying to live up to standard and expectations that were perpetually raised every time I would meet them. Then, I got burned out, exhausted, lost any desire to continue, really lost my desire to live if we’re being honest. And when we had a kid together I decided that I needed myself back, that my kid needed me to be happy and healthy and the best father I could be. So I tried to work on it, but she wouldn’t accept any respons…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 03:16 PM
1

I’m ok with being alone, I love my kid and spend as much time being a dad as possible, and I do my own thing the rest of the time. Nobody gets mad at me for anything, I do as I please, and I won’t change that for anyone. Someone would have to significantly add to the peace that I have now in order to even consider a relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/23 03:02 AM
1

Report it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/23 01:40 AM
5

Longer marriage, yes. And that is what determines spousal support. Also, many states require a 1 year separation to start the divorce process. So if he’s in one of those states he may have just reset the clock to move on.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 10:57 AM
3

Mine is 2 and I’m a much more healthy and stable person now than I was before the divorce. I stayed stressed out and upset and in a constant state of fight or flight, and now I’m so much more relaxed and focused. I feel that I’m a much better parent to my child.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 12:45 AM
3

I resemble this remark.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 12:31 AM
1

She did, refused to go to counseling, told me she was done. At that point I gave up and filed.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 07:48 PM
1

As long as my kids needs are met I’ve accepted that the money will be spent however she decides to spend it. It’s just a bit alarming that she would request it 2 weeks early. I gave her what I could, and she didn’t make it a problem, but I think it would be foolish not to at least view it as an indication that something isn’t quite right.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 04:47 PM
2

Child is a toddler. I don’t think the expenses are directly tied to my child. Extracurricular activities are to be split 50/50 per the custody agreement, so if it were a direct expense associated with the child she would have sent me the full cost to pay half, rather than asking for early cs.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 01:37 PM
3

Lol, funny you mention that, one month I had to pay her on the 2nd because that was when I got paid and she flipped out on the 1st and threatened to file for contempt. I told her good luck because they won’t even allow you to do that until a payment is more than 30 days late.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 10:57 AM
3

Toddler, so way too many years to go for this kind of stress.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 03:50 AM
3

Doesn’t get more than the court ordered. I’m really just stressing about whether my kid has like food and electricity and A/C because my ex can’t manage money.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 03:08 AM
2

Well, I pay with money orders, so I wrote August 2023 child support on it the same as I always do monthly, and when the payment is due she will get the rest of it that says the same thing. It’s always 2 money orders every month cause it’s over the $500 max for one so it’ll end up looking the same. I don’t think she’s going to cause problems, her previous ex’s was set to less than half of mine and he never paid it and she never did anything about it. But I guarantee if I missed a month we’d be ba…
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 02:48 AM
4

Exactly. She refused to go to counseling, she said she was done. And 18 months later anytime she has a problem I’m supposed to fix it… I do anything that pertains to my kid, but anything else is her problem.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 02:06 AM
8

I managed the household finances for 10 years, between what I give her, her income and another stream of income, she has a higher income now alone than what we ever did together. Mostly because for the majority of our marriage she had no income and I was making $15/hr providing for a family of 4. Car is paid for, and my cs alone is enough cover all utility bills, and the mortgage. So she’s somehow hemorrhaging cash. Excuse me if it troubles me to wonder if my child has food when she needs money …
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 01:02 AM
5

I hear ya. She already tried to get me to pay half of daycare every month, I quickly reminded her that the majority of that cost was already calculated into the current child support and that I would gladly pay half of the balance that wasn’t covered in the initial order directly to the daycare. But I very strictly budget the cs amount to a separate account and it’s there in time for the payment, but not before because it’s a monthly payment.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 12:54 AM
8

I did, all I got was “unexpected expenses”.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 12:49 AM
1

Yep, the negatives far outweigh the positives. Granted I was young and stupid and ignored red flags like the kids had 2 different dads. And both of them were crazy and narcissistic and abusive. Then when I left, I became all of those things too. She told me once I was just like them, and my response was that the only thing I had in common with either them was the stupidity of getting involved with her.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/23 02:21 PM
1

How similar your situation was to mine. Ex’s kids are 15 and 21 now. I raised them from 4 and 10. Still have a good relationship with the oldest, but the younger used do claims against me to help her dad get custody. Which was when I decided to walk. I’d done everything I could for her and the kids and it was never enough. Had a kid with her and decided my kid didn’t need to see me be disrespected and emasculated daily on top of the accusations from the child and my unwillingness to pay an attor…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/23 12:20 AM
5

It was a quick read for me as well, it was like the author lived in my house. It’s unnerving how many people have that experience.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/23 11:29 PM
1

Know that feeling, I’m only about 18 months out and it’s near torture sometimes to go out alone and just see couples and families everywhere. Happy for the days that I have my kid cause the ones that I don’t are pretty damn miserable.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/23 11:10 PM
8

And it’s not to say I didn’t have a hand in it. I do blame myself for allowing it, for becoming submissive, for losing myself to try and make her happy, and at least I learned from it. At least I’m young enough to re-build my life how I want it, and to build it the best for my kid.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/23 09:21 PM
13

Read No More Mr Nice Guy and Boundaries. I told my ex just about every day for 2 years prior to the divorce that I wasn’t going to continue to deal with being disrespected and unappreciated. It was a roller coaster, things would get better then worse. I always made excuses and always said “it’ll get better when…, but whenever the circumstance arrived, it didn’t get better, and I would move that bar. Wasn’t until I had a kid that I decided my child didn’t need to see me be constantly disrespected…
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/23 08:32 PM
1

Sounds like you’re in the best position you could be in, you already have physical custody, so as long as you maintain that, it should go quite well for you.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 04:22 PM
3

File for divorce bro. She can’t have her cake and eat it too. If she was really scared of you being gone she would be fucking other guys…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 03:17 PM
1

Probably none. My mom took $20k out of the bank prior to filing, attorneys said it would have to be accounted for but no one held her accountable for it, and it was never mentioned again. And then she got 2/3 of my dad’s retirement. If the judge doesn’t immediately issue an order that she return it to the bank it will get lost in the shuffle.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 11:49 PM
3

Oh no, poor thing. Give her a middle finger salute and find you a girl about 10 years younger.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 11:08 PM
9

In her mind, she didn’t, you did. And that’s how she will tell it and it won’t bother her one bit. I was actually the one that filed, we discussed several times, she declined the offer for counseling. Told me that I would just try to get the therapist to take my side. Pretty sure that’s not how couples therapy works, but I digress. My divorce was relatively mild compared to most. I gave her my house in exchange for 50/50 custody and basically only took my tools with me.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 12:58 AM
6

She didn’t intend on saving the marriage. Probably found her next monkey branch and is ready to jump. Guys in her DMs making the grass look greener. It’s not you bud, it’s her.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 11:45 PM
9

All that will do is start another fight. She will only blame him for the behavior shift and claim to be reacting to how he treats her.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/23 04:03 PM
2

My ex moved in someone that was previously a co-worker almost immediately. It bothered me at first, but then I decided I wasn’t sure which one of them was more pathetic. He got fired for not coming to work a couple of year prior and from what I could tell he just took up residence there for about 8 months. Now he’s gone..go figure.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/23 08:51 PM
1

So it’s kinda like when you’re on a plane and the flight attendant tells you if the masks drop, put yours on first and then assist your child in putting theirs on. Because if you pass out trying to put your kids mask on, you’re both screwed. You have to take care of yourself and be healthy and in a good frame of mind to best provide for and raise your child. Something I didn’t get at first, because I put my ex and her kids first for so long completely disregarding my own needs and when I had my …
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/23 04:16 AM
1

It’s in a box somewhere in my storage unit. Tungsten so no real re-sale value.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/23 12:33 AM
1

Read the book No More Mr. Nice Guy and find a therapist. You put up with a lot for a long time, and the book will help you to understand why. It was a real game changer for me. Then read the book boundaries, and set some so that you never end up in the same situation.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/23 12:01 AM
12

I’m 18 months post divorce and I think her behavior is hilarious. Took some therapy and a lot of reading and mindfulness to get to a point where I accepted who she is, and how she is, and that she had always been that way. I just ignored it because I was “in love” and everything is the way that it is because of choices I made, and I have to live with it. Makes it easier to decide to accept it and find humor in it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/23 02:04 AM
13

Love the double standard. I’ve learned that if I’m being accused of something, that she’s doing whatever it is. Like when she accused me of having moved a girl in with me, she actually was the one cohabitating. Which really made me take a long hard look at all the times I was accused of cheating while we were married. Guilty parties tend to make the most accusations.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/23 02:01 AM
28

Mine took no accountability for her actions that led to where we are. Everything was, is, and will always be some fault of mine. I’ve accepted that is her point of view, and there’s nothing I can do to change it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/23 01:57 AM
1

You’d think they would care, but as I’ve read here and experienced, most of them just blatantly ignore that part of the order. Just became something I kept note of in case we went to court about anything else.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 10:18 PM
3

😂 Exactly my thoughts on my ex’s younger fling. It lasted about 8 months, same age difference as OP. I even knew the guy previously, so I already knew he was a loser, I spent the better part of 8 months trying to decide which one of them was more pathetic.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 12:13 PM
2

They’re unenforceable, right of association trumps the court ordered clause. I had 3 attorneys tell me that unless I can prove they’re cooking meth, abusing my child, or openly having relations in front of my child that the court won’t do anything because it’s not harming the child.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 12:10 PM
1

You’re not wrong, you’re entitled to your feelings. But, keep them to yourself. You’re a gray rock, your new purpose in life is to get along with the mother of your children for the good of the children. You keep an eye out for signs of abuse and neglect, but aside from that you’re cordial, polite, and super dad. You love your kids and that is all.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 12:07 PM
1

Good on you for giving it a go. So many people in this world are so wasteful, they’d sooner send something to a landfill than check a $2 thermal fuse, or change a $12 dryer belt. At least people that call repairmen are keeping someone employed and not contributing to the waste, but most things repairmen do can easily be done by searching the model number of the item on YouTube.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 02:02 AM
2

I feel ya. I think that superpower is being able to learn quickly, and search efficiently on the internet for videos and information that you need without all the junk results. Hope you didn’t learn it all for the same reason I did. Struggled to make ends meet for providing for the ex and her 2 kids on one income while she went to school. My average daily account balance for years was like $32. Learned how to do a lot of of things, vehicles, appliances, A/C, wiring, painting, drywall, plumbing, …
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 01:46 AM
3

No
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 12:48 AM
4

The court doesn’t care, and law enforcement cares even less. Unless the child is in apparent danger, you’re not going to get anything done legally. Best thing you can do, is act like it doesn’t bother you, be super dad, don’t show any frustration, and do what it takes to be there for your daughter. You’re a gray rock, eventually she will get tired of playing games, or it will go on until your daughter starts school next year, and if she doesn’t take her to school, you will be able to legally do …
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/23 03:58 PM
1

Luckily all of ours were beaters so they weren’t worth fighting about.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 05:42 AM
2

You make great points, but it’s also discouraging to see all the guys walking around with women out of their league when most women won’t give you the time of day. I feel like I’m average looking, 6’ tall 215lbs down 35lbs in the last 7 months. But most of the time I can’t even work up the nerve to approach a woman. I’m extremely introverted and self confidence has never been one of my strengths.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 03:08 AM
7

I feel ya. On the weekends I don’t have my kid I have to drag myself out of bed. I just completely lose drive. I go to the gym. I go see a movie every once in a while, but I’m starting to get pretty lonely after 18 months of doing my own thing. I have good days where I’m content, but it’s also really easy to slip into bad days where everywhere you look all you see are couples and families and it really makes for a bad time.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 03:01 AM
8

So the best thing you can do is to act like it doesn’t bother you. You’re a gray rock. You confront about nothing unless it puts the children in immediate danger. You’re now the perfect roommate, you get along, you handle your feelings in private. And you become super dad to your kids. Do not engage in any of the pettiness that she will put forth from this point forward.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 02:26 PM
3

Yep, and the government has made stupid decisions to make it easier for more risky borrowers.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/23 07:55 PM
2

Yep, I’m also staying with a relative, waiting on the housing market to drop off a bit more.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/23 07:31 PM
7

Nope
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 04:37 AM
2

Yep, totally understand, what you mean. Sure, I have other friends, but like you said, all in different stages of life. Trying to do things and find myself, but the more I try to do that, the more I just feel like an outcast of society. Kinda what I imagine it would be like to be a ghost.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 03:27 AM
2

I’m nearly 2 years out and the time that I don’t have my kid nearly drives me insane. I spend most of that time working but it’s starting to cause major burnout with my job. I go to the gym, I make plans to do things, but when I get out to do them all I see are couples and families, and it just makes it hard. I’ve never been a really outgoing person, and it takes me being around people repeatedly for a while to even warm up to them so even engage in conversation. I make plans by myself and look …
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 11:10 PM
1

This is relative, depends on how crazy the other party wants to act. It can be over after one mediation (2-4 weeks depending on availability) or 2 years if you have to wait for a trial and the attorneys want to play games.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 09:37 PM
3

It’s earning potential. Basically they calculate the average or median salary that a person could make in their field with their education and work experience and use it in the calculation for support. She’s not done herself any favors by going this route. The potential income could end up being higher than what she was making at the job, which in turn will lower your support. Also, all of this depends on the judge and if you get a judge that is going to see right through this, it will piss them…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 09:35 PM
3

It sucks, definitely takes a while to get used to and I have mine 3 weeknights for 3 hours and every other weekend. I generally just say busy on the off days. Gym, work, housework, anything I can find to do. Grinding hard to build the life I’ve always wanted, doesn’t leave much time to feel sorry for myself.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/23 11:50 PM
1

Mine was, but she refused to take any responsibility. She was “reacting to how she was being treated” when all I asked was that she be appreciative of what I do rather that criticizing how I did it or only focusing on what I didn’t do.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/23 03:08 AM
1

Had a co-worker ask if I was going to get anything from our kid and this was my exact response. Hell, I at least told her happy birthday, only reason she acknowledged mine was because I have visitation. Then acted like she “forgot” it was my birthday when I text to arrange pickup the night before.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/23 04:36 AM
2

No.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/23 10:27 AM
1

I mean, if I was getting $6k a month from my ex I probably wouldn’t work either, that’s more than I make working a full time job. The way courts calculate this stuff is beyond reason. A person shouldn’t be able to live without any personal responsibility because they suckered a high earner into the con of marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 02:04 AM
1

One of them made false accusations against me to go live with their father. I have no contact with that one. The other is grown and knows what’s true and what’s not and we have a great relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 10:31 PM
1

I’ve read it, definitely opened my eyes. Need to determine the middle ground and learn how to develop high value relationships instead of just keeping to myself like I am now.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 10:01 PM
3

I struggle with connecting with people at all. Really kind of in a place where I don’t really see the point. All my life every person that I’ve ever had a relationship with, romantic or otherwise, was using me for something. And I’ve given until I don’t have anything left to give to anyone.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 04:55 PM
8

I’m 31 and my meaningful life is looking bright.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 04:45 PM
2

Depends on the level of malicious intent of the other party.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/23 10:15 PM
4

I quit college to work full time to provide for her and her kids. Once we got married she quit working to go to school full time, and her associates degree…that she would never have gotten if I didn’t support her and her kids, and tutor her on multiple subjects…put her way above me in intelligence and importance…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/23 05:33 PM
6

It’s like they have a manual somewhere. Think my ex was at minimum having an emotional affair when she started acting as you described.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/23 09:24 AM
13

I’m at 18 months, not a single date. Gets a bit lonely sometimes, but it helps to remember the bad times and it makes you appreciate the peace you now have. I’m building the life I want, and making the best future I can for my child, and that’s my main focus.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/23 11:51 PM
1

I was used to cooking for 5 and having leftovers. Still not great at single portions…but I rotate between fish, chicken, and beef 1 cup of rice usually gets me 4-5 meals. And I usually do the steam in bag veggies and separate them into portions. I’m 14 months divorced, got pretty serious about losing weight 6 months ago so portion control is my main focus right now.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 04:12 AM
1

Alabama is like that, they don’t recognize 50/50 when it comes to support. Primary custodian receives calculated support the same as if it was 100/0.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 02:33 AM
4

Wish I’d heard this term 10 years ago. Lol
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/23 10:14 PM
1

Had to all but cut them off to get mine to put them in her name. Water bill was still in my name over a year after the divorce was finalized. Had to tell her that if it wasn’t out of my name by the end of the month it would be shut off. Luckily the power was already in her name.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 12:39 PM
11

Man, did you learn anything from your divorce? If you’re not happy alone, you’ll never be happy in a relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 02:48 AM
6

And LEARN FROM IT! Don’t repeat the same mistakes, don’t get married, protect yourself and your assets.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 05:34 PM
2

This is the best advice. There’s really no point in trying to rationalize it. Deal with your feelings and move on. My ex wife moved the first guy she got attention from into the house that I bought with my kid. But constantly accused me of cheating. Understanding why wouldn’t make it hurt less, wouldn’t make me less angry, I just had to process my emotions (which my inability to do so prior to our divorce and my therapy was probably a large part of why the marriage failed). At the end of the day…
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 05:25 PM
10

So the thing is, you’re not gonna get much sympathy from this group. No kids, no joint assets, no lawsuits, no false police reports, you walked away free of anything but hurt feelings. Go talk to a counselor, the majority of us here have been shit on or frankly raped by the court system. Just be glad you didn’t have any kids, lick your wounds and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 05:12 PM
2

Different world these days bud. Don’t like it, dump her. They’re your boundaries to set, but you may be making your dating pool a lot smaller.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 02:42 AM
5

😂😂 been since October of 2021 for me.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 11:25 AM
2

Would it change anything to find out? All you can do is own your part, and accept things for what they are. You can’t make her take responsibility, can’t control anything but your reaction. Just assume that she was, and work on yourself and accepting it and getting past it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/23 11:53 PM
3

Really a prenup is often not enough. I learned enough from the first time to know that I never want to be in a position to lose what I’ve built ever again. So, everything will be built around the concept that one day she’s gonna get bored, or go crazy and decide she wants someone or something else and half my shit. If I ever enter another serious long term relationship it’s no more kids, no marriage, she’ll needs to keep her own residence, even if that means cohabitating and one of us renting ou…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 12:16 AM
62

If you’re paying attention, all women are red flags, just protect yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 04:19 AM
2

I initiated. I had enough of being accused, disrespected, expected to do everything with zero appreciation. Final straw was when one of her kids made false accusations so they could go live with their dad, who had been a problem for years, but after seeing my ex say everything about me that she did about her previous ex, I realized that there was just one common denominator there. Decided my child didn’t need to see me be disrespected and talked down to constantly. And needed me to be a calm, lo…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 12:09 AM
2

Totally understand, my ex is co-dependent, she moved in the first guy that gave her attention, he doesn’t work and she..well really I support him with my cs..and as much as it all bothers me, I have to step back and just evaluate how everything effects my kid. Not good for the childhood if we’re in a constant power struggle. I bend when it benefits my kid, not to appease her, and that’s the difference in the mindset.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 05:59 PM
2

So, I have a similar situation where the ex changed jobs prior to setting up daycare, and there’s a gap between the new job starting and daycare enrollment. I’m working with her because I’m focused on what’s best for my child. I’m not bending over backward, but I am cooperating because: 1. I’ll take any opportunity I can to spend time with my child. 2. The alternative is my child possibly being left with people or in situations that are not in anyone’s best interest. You just have to evaluate wh…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 11:44 AM
3

Damn, I’m early 30s, but in a similar situation. Wouldn’t trade my child for anything, yep, it’s difficult, but I’ve done my best to learn from all of my past experiences. I have more peace than I ever have, I’m focused on making sure my child is happy and healthy and knows my love. And then I’m working on making sure that I am happy and healthy, and loving myself. I realized after 10 years that putting my ex and her kids before myself didn’t put me in a good situation, and I literally have noth…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/23 04:53 PM
2

Lol, mine too. If only I’d known I could lay on a couch all day while she went to work. What a better 10 years it would have been. Guess it wouldn’t have worked out the same for me though cause the other baby daddy didn’t pay his cs.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 07:36 PM
1

Only if they get a new supply and you 100% cut off yourself as a supply. They get bored with grey rocks.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/23 02:46 AM
1

Can’t go wrong with any of those choices really.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 01:50 AM
1

I’m still trying to get back on my feet. Will be interesting how I feel about making purchases once I get to that point. The majority of my clothes I’ve had for years, I make it a point to fix things instead of buying something else. Guess my biggest splurge was financing a car, spent my entire 10 year marriage working on mine and hers and then her oldest kids vehicle once a month or so cause they were all $1500 cars that were falling apart.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 11:01 PM
2

The parent relationship is not always a good indicator. As a person with one toxic parent that I’ve completely cut off, keeping that parent in my life would have been a bigger red flag than cutting them out.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 12:53 PM
7

How does she plan to manage 50/50 custody from 6 hours away?
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/23 11:10 PM
1

Would have to be someone that shared similar outlooks, work ethic, and had no issues splitting housework and cooking. Wouldn’t mind help around the house and a workout buddy and someone to split financial obligations with. Past experience has led me to believe there aren’t many scenarios where having a roommate works out well, but I wouldn’t rule it out entirely.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/23 05:04 PM
1

Grief, it’s like they have a manual. Mine was the same way, but told me that I just wanted to go to counseling to make the therapist believe all my lies and make her look bad… she got mad at me cause my primary care physician retired and a female Dr took over his patients.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/23 02:37 AM
2

Sounds familiar. Best advice is go to counseling. Both of you learn how to better communicate. But at the end of the day it’s up to both parties. You can only admit to your faults, can’t take on hers. And if she can’t find fault in herself then it’s not ever gonna get any better.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/23 12:53 AM
2

Best advice here. Think of it as parallel parenting rather than co-parenting. Move in the same direction, assuming that the end goal is what’s best for your child, but keep the ex at arms length. No dependency on them what so ever.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 02:54 AM
1

Even doing that, unless you’ve just got cash to burn on a lawyer 2-3 times a month it’s going to be nearly impossible to enforce. Best advice here is to be nice to the staff at the Dr office, bring your court order that states you have joint legal custody, and ask them what they can do to make sure you stay informed.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 02:52 AM
2

Never getting married again, she has a problem with that, I show her the door. Also realized that every woman I’ve ever dated (not many) I was dating them to marry them, not dating them to get to know them, to see their bs, to decide wether or not they matched my energy, aligned with my goals, or most importantly brought me peace rather than strife. What an eye opening experience it was to read and learn that spent my life trying to be a “nice guy” or “good guy” and not realizing I was a doormat…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 11:59 PM
1

That would impede her, but if she took him back to court “at retirement” would probably be defined as when he starts or started drawing his retirement income.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/23 12:03 AM
2

Force the sale of the house and divide evenly, or she gets the house but no alimony. Doubt they’d give her the house and 1/2 your income.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/23 05:22 PM
1

Truth hurts sometimes.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 02:12 AM
4

Man, I got as far as lives 4 hours away and we work together. Neither of those things are conducive for a healthy relationship. I’m a year out of my 10 year marriage, and not looking for another relationship, but if I were, it would not be within my workplace. Don’t shit where you eat.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 02:10 AM
2

Covers whatever they spend it on. No way to regulate it. Well, there is but nobody cares enough to do it. It could easily be regulated by items that could be coded as child necessities in stores like EBT, or flex spending cards of course you’d still have people that sell them.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 05:58 PM
5

I hear ya, mine was 11 years. I probably spend too much time at work, but apart from that I go to the gym 2-3x a week and if I have a whole day to myself I get outside, go on a hike, maybe catch a movie. Basically date yourself, figure out what you enjoy.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/23 10:44 PM
2

Wow, so similar it’s like they all read the same book.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/23 11:28 PM
4

Yup, mine moved the guy in after 6 months. He’s the babysitter, doesn’t appear to work, so I guess he’s living it up laying on the couch enjoying the house I bought and being supported by my child support… I just try not to think about it cause in the end, there’s nothing I can do but control my reaction.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/23 11:23 PM
4

I’m certain that the majority of us agree with you, but we also know that’s not how the system operates.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/23 07:14 PM
2

Yea, I agree with you, if they want one they can make it. Would’ve been a hard no for me as well.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 12:36 PM
1

Not looking for anything, I’d be open to a relationship, but I’m not marrying again. If it gets serious and she wants to be part of my life then she shouldn’t have an issue. I don’t mind the commitment and monogamy, but I won’t be put back in the same position I was before. Maybe that means that I’ll never fully trust anyone again, I’m not sure. I’ve got a lot of work to do on myself before I can fully answer that question.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 02:38 AM
2

I got the first one several times, and that last one…wtf? She need more child support?
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 02:11 AM
5

No, I don’t really have any support. My parents divorced in 2021, no contact with my mother. I’m coming up on a year from my own divorce next month and still staying with another family member trying to find a place I can afford, and it’s not going well. Feel like I’m bringing my sibling down when I talk about things. And I pretty well lost all my friends over the course of my previous relationship. Tried to reach out to a few but I put my ex before them and don’t really have a place in their li…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/23 10:28 PM
2

Exactly, then she just has more money to pay the attorney to continue to harass..
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/23 11:02 AM
2

The lawyers win in every divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/23 11:56 PM
2

Sounds like a dream situation to me. Wouldn’t hurt me a bit if my ex did the same. I’ve already located a daycare that I could pay in full with the child support I currently pay, so it wouldn’t interfere with my life at all as it is.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/23 10:59 PM
1

Yea, it’s been a shit show. But I’m making it, I’m busting my ass, pushing myself in every area that I can control, finally started going to the gym in October, finally got serious about losing some weight about 4 weeks ago, I’m down 8lbs in 4 weeks, about 17lbs over all since I started going to the gym. I feel better, I sleep better, she still tries to start shit, but I’m getting better at ignoring it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/23 06:03 PM
3

Send her to live with them for a while.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/23 05:48 PM
1

Not sure what your income is, I’m at $50k gross. I’d be homeless at $1650/month.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 07:08 PM
2

It includes what she told them she was paying her mother for daycare, but her work schedule changed and she only works weekends now. And I will take every weekend just to spend as much time as I can with my kid. So there’s no actual daycare costs. Only good thing was she agreed to insurance coverage because her health insurance is better than mine, but that also increased my cs, but probably not as much as if I was paying for the insurance… they don’t give you much time to run numbers and make l…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 06:01 PM
2

It’s over $700 for the one child. Mortgage payment is lower than the average because it was purchased as a foreclosure. And AL.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 10:54 AM
1

Pushing myself, at work, at the gym, watching what I eat, eating less, setting attainable goals and crushing them. I had dreams and ambition before her, and really she got in the way of me achieving them. I was trying to get her in a better position so that together we could reach goals, but she had other plans.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 02:02 AM
4

I second this, and send her on her way, it doesn’t get better. Sounds so familiar, but I was with mine for 10 years, married for 5, raised 2 of her kids put her through college paid everything while she was in school, ended up having a kid with her and now I’m her ATM for the next 16 years. She lives in the house I bought with her boyfriend who doesn’t work and drives the car I bought her, and gets enough cs to pay the mortgage and all the utilities. So again, DUMP HER!
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 01:32 AM
1

Yep, I wouldn’t trade the bit of peace I have now for anything. She still causes strife using our kid as a weapon, but I do my best to ignore that. The stress of never knowing what I would come home to, what kind of bs accusations would come up next, it was killing me. Just as an example, I work in a trade using my hands all day, reaching into equipment, if I had a bruise or a scratch on my arm it was “from my girlfriend” knowing all I do now, she was the one cheating on me and that’s where the …
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/23 02:49 AM
3

Not crying, I know it’s not a significant amount of money, the cs is twice that per month, it’s the principle of the matter. I’m tired of the lack of consequences for her actions. I see what you’re saying though. And yes, the refi’d at the end of July and barely got it completed prior to the 6 month mark. Just been dragging her feet on the bills and I don’t need crap hanging out there in my name when I get to the point of opening new accounts at my next residence.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 11:05 PM
3

I hear ya. I raised two that my ex had before we got together, the oldest is 21 now. I’m 31 and my biological child is 2 years old, and I’ve made the decision to be snipped before the end of this year. I just can’t see myself having another and starting over again. Or risk becoming an ATM to another woman.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 04:09 AM
6

Hmm, didn’t think the family court would bother with it. I got the “I don’t know why you’re threatening me” spill a while ago. But shit, I’m tired of my name being tied to her, and me left being responsible for debts owed on a house that I gave her nearly a year ago.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 04:03 AM
1

Nonexistent
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 02:51 AM
4

Yep, bout 3 months ago when I found out she let the guy move it without a job and the money that should’ve been for my child was being used to support her boyfriend.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/23 03:42 PM
7

If she wants to be with you and raise your kids, she doesn’t need a marriage certificate to do it. Agreeing to be monogamous, living together, devoting time and energy to a partnership to make it work are the basics of marriage. You should, if you haven’t already, explain to her your feelings about marriage and why you have them (her reaction will likely tell you everything you need to know from that point) and just tell her that you’re good with wearing rings, and all of the commitments you’ve …
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/22 10:14 PM
6

Were we married to the same one? We struggled for years, I carried the financial burden on my back of her and her two kids whose fathers never paid a dime of child support. She went to school got a nursing degree, I’ve worked my way up in the same company for 10 years, we decided to have a child together in our new found financial stability and when everything should have been better than ever she pulls the pin on the grenade. Now moved her unemployed boyfriend in and my child support covers the…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/22 01:44 PM
1

Like everything else in family court, it’s really up to the judge. Some of them take it personally when people get caught in a lie, others are really just there to get paid, and make money for the government.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/22 03:06 AM
5

Not to mention, they tax the higher earner rather than taxing the recipient for the income.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 12:43 AM
3

Child support too, I’m paying fucking taxes on it, and giving it to her, and she’s not paying taxes on it. It bullshit.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/22 11:33 PM
10

Yep, my dumb ass thought that all of our problems stemmed from her “wanting commitment” now I know that she wanted to be committed to taking as much as she could in the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/22 03:15 PM
2

Wow, I thought GAL was pretty standard in any situation where either parent is making claims that the other is unfit.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/22 02:19 PM
8

I swear they have a manual.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/22 12:47 PM
1

Paying her more than 1/2 your net pay is bs, but I will say that $2400 a month net is a livable wage, not gonna be going on lavish vacations, but you’re still much better off than some people.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/22 01:42 AM
1

At 10 months so far, not looking for anyone either. Too busy grinding for myself and my kid, no need to find another parasite.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/22 11:08 PM
2

I was going to say run her out of cash, but it doesn’t sound like you’re able to do that. Best advice, tell your lawyer only to contact you with something that’s entirely necessary, and wait for the trial date.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/22 12:35 AM
2

Same
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/22 11:26 PM
3

I feel ya, I used to enjoy cooking but it’s kinda depressing to cook for one when you’re used to cooking for 5. I’ve found that I don’t know how to cook single servings and like you said, I end up eating the same thing for days.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/22 08:24 PM
1

I get what you’re saying about the “usually we do this” it’s all up to a judge’s discretion here in AL, and 50/50 doesn’t do a thing here unless the judge takes it into account.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/22 06:07 PM
2

I’ll be honest, I’ve been sitting here for 10 minutes trying to calculate what income would generate $2300/mo CS payment. Mine is set to 1/3 of that for one child and it is difficult for me to get by sometimes. I try to get over it, but honestly it burns me up knowing I’m paying her mortgage and all the utilities and she’s spending her income on her new boy toy instead of our kid.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/22 02:32 PM
5

No, the only thing that’s real is your mindset. Stay positive, set attainable goals, rebuild your life and put yourself in a position where you can’t lose what you’ve built. Learn from the mistake!
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/22 10:31 PM
5

It’s common.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/22 01:38 AM
2

Tried to twist it and act like she didn’t know that I went back to single coverage since then, but the court order states that she is responsible for insurance, and it’s factored into the child support, and I made sure multiple times that she had reinstated medical coverage when she changed jobs during my open enrollment period. It’s just ridiculous. Then tried to deny the cohabiting, but I’ve already got enough proof to that, it’s just not a big enough claim on its own to swap custody.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 07:11 PM
4

And I know it’s easier said than done, I’m having to take my own advice today. She started with me about an ER bill from 5 months ago where the child was covered by both insurances, she refused to give me her insurance information so they ran mine as primary, hers is better and she is older so it should have been primary, but she didn’t get it taken care of and got a bill for $450 and I told her she needs to have them fix it, or give me the info I need to call them. She said she already called t…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 06:43 PM
4

Just ignore her and enjoy the time with your son. Mine did the same for a while, I would watch our child and her family members kids that were living with us before the divorce initially, but she kept coming in later and later during the week knowing I had to work the following day, I asked her multiple times to be back by 10, she refused so the last time I called someone that was able to watch them and went home. Told her I’d only be getting our child for the times specified in the court order.…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 04:51 PM
6

Mostly depends on the judge. It’s all such a gray area because it depends almost entirely on the discretion of the judge. I basically just ignore mine. Grey rock, don’t argue or acknowledge what she tries to make others believe. Record interactions to dispute any false allegations that may arise. But focus on building your life without her.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/22 05:53 PM
2

I have my child 3 nights a week for 3 hours and the order is every other weekend, but also have right of first refusal, so since she works every weekend I have my child every weekend. But I have one child, not 3, so I know that’s a way different experience. I wouldn’t have it any other way at this point. Especially in the younger years, I’d rather bond with my child than go out. It works for me, much prefer seeing my kid 24 days out of the month than 6-10 days.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/22 03:44 AM
6

Gotta love the accusations. I was told not to kiss my child because I would spread “my nastiness”. But only one of us gets cold sores…and it isn’t me.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/22 04:02 AM
6

Trust me, may seem like a good idea to fall on your sword, but give it 3-4 months and you’ll realize you could’ve been much better off if you hadn’t impaled yourself while she was getting ready to stab you in the back and gut you.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 11:46 PM
3

So, I’ve had this issue also, and still do when she feels like being a nuisance. But I’ve tried to train myself that no news is good news. Therapy helps some, as well as occupying your down time with something productive. You’ve got a lot of years to deal with this, and especially if she knows it bothers you, she’s going to weaponize it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 04:58 AM
5

So 10 years ago she was like a 7. Now probably around 4-5. Gained about 100lbs, Karen haircut, pushing 40, 3 kids, everything sagging, new guy used to work with me, we fired him for not coming to work, he’s younger than me, lived with his mom, made her feel special so he gets to ride. I’m not sure which of them is more pathetic honestly.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 04:30 AM
13

You weren’t snarky, my dumbass thought I could “save her” and give her kids a better life, which her oldest and I still have a good relationship, probably better than her relationship with either of them. Unfortunately, I found that she is her own problem and there’s nothing I can do about that. By the end she was screaming that I was just like the other two, and the three of us are wildly different people, with varying differences in age, upbringing, and education. One was 2-3 years older than …
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 02:50 AM
1

Already told her that, she just kept sending me that she had to have it on the 1st. Never missed a payment, she gets her money the first Friday of every month and it wasn’t a problem until the new guy moved in. She’s recently started to request it sooner, but I can’t change what day I get paid. And she’s working full time, I have my kid 3-4 nights a week for 3 hours and every weekend. So she’s not paying a babysitter, and my cs covers her mortgage and all utilities, and she’s driving the paid fo…
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 02:43 AM
2

Lol, apparently she’s working on #4 now.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 02:03 AM
8

Young and stupid.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 02:03 AM
1

Already creeping around back there. Know some of her new affiliates partake. But nobody wants to do anything without proof. I’m trying to put myself in a better position instead of pay lawyers for petty bs.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 01:11 AM
6

I was young and dumb. Everything started to come into focus when I started to hear things about myself that she would say about the other two. But I had already basically raised 2 kids paid for her education, and had one on the way before I got to that point. Tried to stick it out, but she was at minimum emotionally cheating, getting relationship advice from a dude that wanted to sleep with her, so the accusations and contempt for me just continued to increase, then the younger of her two made a…
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 01:08 AM
3

It’s already set, we’ve been finalized for 9 months. She’s just apparently spending too much with the new boy toy. Like I said, I’m not really concerned with it, just frustrated. She’s pitching a fit over one day. I’m trying to find the humor and satisfaction that she’s ridiculously co-dependent to the point that she moved in the first dude that would give her the attention she wants and between the two of them they can’t manage finances. But the fact that I have a kid that is there during the w…
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 12:25 AM
4

It’s just child support, she was making more than I was when we divorced and hadn’t been married long enough for spousal support / alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 12:11 AM
3

Oldest aged out, the other child now lives with the father so apparently 10 years of back child support was dropped.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 12:09 AM
7

Yep, mine was emotionally cheating. And when it started getting serious, I was accused of doing everything she was actually doing. Unfortunately, there were a lot of other things going on and I didn’t realized that her accusations were a list of what she had done until I had signed over my house to her. Now the guy is living in it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/22 09:06 PM
9

No, I wouldn’t allow it. In fact most attorneys won’t allow that where I am. Judges won’t even let them in the courtroom for trial because it’s between you and the ex wife.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/22 07:07 PM
12

This really has me down today. He was the coolest, never would have imagined he’d take his own life. And I guess it’s a huge dose of reality that even when you seemingly have it all, you can get in that dark place and not get back out. I’d be lying if I said I never considered it during my divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/22 10:32 PM
2

Check out the book No More Mr. Nice Guy. Really opened my eyes to the part that I played in allowing myself to become basically an indentured servant who, as you said was met with expectation instead of appreciation. I never called mine a narcissist, but I did attempt to talk to her about her contemptuous attitude, and her lack of appreciation, she would tell me I was crazy and then tell me why what I did wasn’t good enough and why she was in the right to treat me the way she was because I didn’…
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/22 09:31 AM
7

I’m only 9 months out, I’m also not ready to date, just hang out with my kid and what little family I still talk to. Spending time in the gym, focusing on my career and my future. No need to rush back into a relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/22 09:32 PM
7

I don’t answer calls from numbers that I don’t know. I’ve always practiced this since spam calls became so common. I let it go to voicemail, and if they leave a message I decide wether or not to return the call. And there’s really no reason for you to unblock the number of someone who harassed you.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/22 09:28 AM
1

I have mine 3 nights a week 4:30-7:30 and every weekend because she works only on weekends. While it’s not 50/50, it’s a lot more often than most people I know get to see their kids. It’s 24 days a month that I get a minimum of 3 hours with my kid.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/22 12:29 PM
1

You should be fine, may have to give her 1/2 of any equity gained over the course of the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/22 12:50 AM
3

You’re on the right track. If she wants to end it, don’t leave the marital home, but don’t be her supply either. For everything you think she’s doing / thinking of, she’s already 10 steps further in every direction. She’s been planning this for months if not years.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 01:36 AM
3

Where do they get this craziness?
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/22 11:27 PM
1

What funny is, she’s using him to try and bother me because I know him. And he’s just jumped in her pants to try and bother me because I fired him. But what neither of them understand is idgaf what they do, but I want my kid left out of it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/22 10:52 PM
1

Used to work with him, he’s a sorry excuse for a man, and isn’t someone that I want around my kid at all much less while they’re asleep.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/22 07:04 PM
2

Wish I believed that, I’d be more comfortable if my child was of the age that they could communicate abuse, or warning signs of improper contact.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/22 06:26 AM
1

As far as I can tell, it’s only punishable by a contempt charge. Which to me isn’t enough to roll back up into court with. I’ll continue to gather my evidence, so that if she tries to take me back, I have that, along with several other FACTS while she rants about things she has no evidence of. Funny how they accuse you of exactly what they’re guilty of. 2 weeks ago she was blowing my phone up about having random people around my kid, “sleeping in the bed with me and the kid” and now I see the ca…
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/22 06:22 AM
1

Heard that, I’m 8 months out of the divorce, haven’t been on a single date. Get my kid for 3 hours 3 nights a week, and basically every weekend because of ex’s work schedule. And on the nights I don’t have her I might go to a show or the gym, but I’m not ready for dating, and I don’t ever see myself getting married again. Meanwhile ex is seeing 3 different ones by my count. And lying to people about it trying to keep me from finding out. All I care about is I don’t want my kid around them.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 05:24 PM
2

Bout the last 2-3 years of the marriage. It’s important that you’ve made the realization, and possibly more important that you realize you enabled it and allowed it, so you can move forward and set boundaries.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 03:05 PM
1

I know I did, I bent over backward every day for 10 years increasing expectations instead of appreciation. Won’t happen again.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/22 11:48 PM
6

I did for a long time, until she started saying the exact same things about me. Now, I do know he’s a pos that didn’t provide for his kid, but not sure if he ever did anything else she said he did.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/22 03:15 AM
3

Yea, young and dumb, but sure learned the lesson. Too bad it took 10 years, but I guess thankfully it didn’t take 20 or 30.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/22 03:07 AM
16

Lol, my ex’s first baby daddy was the problem, then the husband and father of baby number 2 was the problem, and now I’m the problem. And according to her I’m the worst of all 3, even though she has the house I bought, the car I bought, and a college degree that she got while I was providing for her and the first 2 kids when she quit her job while she was going to school. And my child support is double what the first two were ordered to pay combined, and I’m actually paying it. While she wouldn’…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/22 03:02 AM
1

Yep, can’t help others until you have helped yourself. I guess fortunately / unfortunately everyone that I lost touch with during my 10 year relationship / marriage didn’t want to reconnect. So I guess it probably made it easier for me in that respect, but increased that loneliness.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/22 02:06 AM
6

Too late, if you turn back now it’ll be the same or worse later.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/22 01:51 AM
2

No, they’re the only people that win in any kind of litigation.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/22 11:56 PM
15

People tend to interpret the Bible in the way that it most benefits them.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 12:45 AM
8

Don’t.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 12:44 AM
6

Same, I even grabbed a couple of framed ones that she had thrown in the trash, they were good photos and our child will eventually want to look back into our lives before they were born.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/22 11:49 AM
3

Really feel in my soul the relief you’re talking about. I was suffering from anxiety, and about a month after the divorce, I realized 90% of my anxiety was wondering what I would be accused of, or what I didn’t do right, or how I would be blamed for something that wasn’t even in my control.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/22 01:16 PM
3

I was shocked she gave you the ring back until I got further down, and saw that she weaponized it. Then it made sense. Get an attorney and file. Keep the house, or sell it and split whatever you get for it. I gave my ex the house I bought before we got married and wish I had sent her on her way and kept the $450/month mortgage. But the longer you’re there, the worse it will get, and you don’t want to be there when she brings her first new boyfriend home.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/22 01:13 PM
0

Would really just depend on how much more she makes.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/22 10:54 AM
8

So wouldn’t OP be entitled to benefits based on her earnings since she makes more than he does?
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/22 09:28 AM
6

How old is he? You can only control the controllable. My ex got mad because my child fell asleep on the drive to drop off. I told her that I don’t have control over a sleep schedule when I get 3 hours 3 days a week and every other weekend. Kids sleep when they’re tired, not much to do but let them. Spend all the awake time you can, but when they fall asleep, just think of it as they’re calm, comfortable and relaxed with you, and watch him sleep, soak that in too. Eventually he’ll grow out of nee…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/22 10:46 PM
4

Spent 10 years in those shoes. Get out now. I ended up having a child with mine so I’m an atm for 17 more years.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/22 12:12 AM
3

You’re right, at this point she will get nothing, and if she stops bringing my child to drop off she will get contempt charges.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 03:28 AM
4

So rather than sending a picture I just showed her a picture I had taken earlier, to which she scoffed and asked why I couldn’t have just sent it to her and said I don’t even know where that was taken. But I was already walking back to my car. Then she immediately sent a text stating that our child was too young for a toddler bed, but the child will be two next month, and the toddler bed had an age rating of 15 months+ so I just didn’t respond. She wanted to say that the child should have its ow…
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 03:02 AM
1

I use money orders and keep the bottom half.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/22 09:10 AM
2

Can’t get blood from a turnip man. My ex’s previous husband owed her $30K in child support and the court didn’t bat an eye. You could get lucky with a judge that doesn’t put up with the bs. But for the most part, the judge doesn’t care about you or your child. And the attorneys are working together to get as much money out of whoever they can. So if she doesn’t have money, guess who’s gonna be paying…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/22 12:16 AM
1

Can’t enforce much of anything unless you just have cash to burn. Only the lawyers win.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/22 11:47 PM
14

I’d request proof of enrollment each month.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/22 02:08 AM
2

Divorce has been final for about 6 months. Still adjusting, trying to rebuild. Learning to say no, set boundaries. But the not knowing what I’m coming home to, nothing ever being good enough, busting my ass while she lays in the bed stress is gone. Currently watch my child and her family members kids at the house I gave her so they can stay on their schedules and because I don’t have my own place yet. That’s really the only stress I have now, is her wanting to stay out until midnight with her bo…
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/22 02:11 AM
3

Everything I did always came up short. Washed all the clothes, cooked and washed dishes and gave the kids baths, “why didn’t you clean the bathroom” took the kids to after school sporting events, “why didn’t you take out the trash and sweep and mop.” I come home after working a 50 hour week and utter the words “I’m tired” and hear “YOU’RE TIRED?! Imagine how I feel” because she worked three 12 hour shifts. Nothing was ever good enough, and I always thought, “it’ll get better when x,” x comes alo…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/22 07:11 PM
2

Yea, mine will be 38 this year, is seeing 3 guys by my count, has 2 family member’s kids living with her, and we have one child together. 1 adult child and 1 teenager that recently went to live with her dad by way of making false allegations against me. Sounds like a real prize right?
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/22 04:30 PM
6

You have no idea how many times I heard this in the 2 years leading to the divorce. Read No More Mr. Nice Guy. It could be very relevant in your situation. There are many similarities with mine. My ex of 10 years had 2 kids, I paid for her and them, bought the house she lives in, filled out all of her papers for college, did some of her work in college, tutored her, bought the car she drives. Literally everything she has I gave her, and she didn’t have any appreciation for any of it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/22 03:19 PM
1

Included on my order, but she doesn’t follow it. It’s almost impossible to enforce.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/22 11:58 PM
2

Yea, court let her ex go 10 years without paying a cent, then they gave him custody of the child because she was 14 and wanted to live with him. Didn’t help that my ex never tried to enforce it, and his was only $300 a month, but I’d have cops at my door if I ever miss a payment.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/22 10:22 AM
6

My ex made $5 an hour more than me, I have my daughter every other weekend and 3 evenings a week (16 days a month) and was still ordered to pay $700 a month in child support…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/22 09:46 PM
1

Best comment lol
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/22 12:38 AM
4

Yep, even still having try to coparent with her, it’s much easier than never knowing what I’m coming home to. Now at least it’s a constant level of contempt and hatred she has for me, none of the pretending to be nice and in a good mood. I always know what to expect, and I never have to take any of her crap. I’m a gray rock, she talks I stare at her, respond with only necessary information pertaining to my daughter, and walk away.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/22 06:48 PM
8

While I hear you, and understand where you’re coming from. It’s all about priorities, watched my ex wife’s ex husband go 10 years without making a single payment. I paid more in a month that he did in 10 years. That being said, she never enforced it. And mine is set to more than double what his was, wanna bet she’d have filed contempt by the end of the day on the 16th of any given month if I hadn’t made my CS payment? I wouldn’t ever think of not supporting my child, but there’s too much gray ar…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/22 10:25 PM
4

Bravo, I spent 10 years with one that’s basically the same as yours, age difference is almost identical, I’m 31, she’s turning 38. Funny enough, I allowed all of the disrespect and emasculation while raising her kids, but when we had one I realized that the fighting and back and forth were not what I wanted my daughter to grow up in. She didn’t need to see her father be disrespected constantly. And that was really the end of it for me.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/22 08:25 PM
1

I gave mine the paid off car and kept my truck and the $10k loan that came with it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/22 09:05 PM
26

I’m 6 months post divorce and haven’t been on a single date. Trying to heal and get my head right, dealing with my ex almost every day because of the custody agreement doesn’t make it easy, but it’s helped tremendously being a daily reminder of why I filed and what I won’t accept from anyone else for the rest of my life.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/22 12:51 AM
4

Depends on where you are in life. We basically had nothing so my 17 years of child support will be much more than my divorce cost.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/22 04:42 PM
6

I was 20, she was 27, together for 10 years. Married for 5. Now 31, marriage should’ve ended 2-3 years ago, but I tried to make it work…and somehow having a child seemed like a good idea
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/22 04:38 PM
1

Yea, our finalized document is pretty much standard visitation but I have 3 nights during every week and every other weekend, but everything has the qualifier of “and times when both parties mutually agree” so that we’re not bound to only those times, but I do get those set minimum visits. Always want to have a very firm document that you can drop any extras and follow to the T especially if they’re prone to taking advantage of situations.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/22 04:22 AM
4

So I’m in a similar situation, I gave her the house (stupid move on my part I bought it before we were married but thought I was doing the best for my daughter). My visits are 3 evenings during the week and every other weekend. And any other times that we mutually agree. I pick up the children from after school and daycare and watch them in what was the marital home, I make them dinner, do baths if needed and put them to bed. I do it because it’s the easiest for the children, she takes advantage…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/22 04:12 AM
1

My ex-wife’s family still talks to me like normal when I interact picking up the kids. But over the last 5 years or so, they’ve seen me more than her, and also know who provided everything that she now has. My parents divorced shortly before we did, and my family is civil toward her, but hardly have to interact. Guess it all just depends on the person.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/22 12:04 AM
1

Heard that, I lost many friendships over the course of my relationship/marriage, and don’t really want to hang out with married couples so I’ve found myself withdrawn as well.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/22 11:11 PM
1

Yea, I pay 13% of my gross which ends up being about 21% of my take home pay.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 05:38 PM
2

A lot like my situation, divorced 5 months, basically have 50/50 as I have my kid 3 afternoons a week and every other weekend. And everything that I used to do doesn’t get done unless she pays someone to do it. Funny enough I’m pretty sure if some of it had been taken off my plate and had people hired to do some of them we would’ve been fine… but it really came down to not being respected or appreciated and as you said, it’s not good for my kid to witness all of that strife.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/22 08:08 PM
8

Think they key is finding a woman that adds to your life as much as you add to hers. Finding someone independent that already has experienced success, rather than a leech. At least in my experience, I tried to “save” her and help half her family get their lives together and built a life that I was proud of and it wasn’t good enough, and she kept everything that wasn’t enough and to this day doesn’t appreciate any of it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/22 01:42 AM
2

Don’t get married.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/22 05:01 PM
1

Have a hard time understanding why her job is more important than mine. And why it’s unreasonable for me to be unable to take off, but she can’t take off…
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/22 01:52 AM
6

They’re fosters before the divorce and they’ve had enough people abandon them that I’m trying my best not to be another one. But that’s another thing, they do negatively effect the time that I have with my child. And make things like taking an extra weekend visit a lot more taxing than it would be to just get my child. But if I separate them, I’m again the bad guy, and I’ve also been told that if I can’t watch them all she will just find someone else, and I just really don’t want to be in and ou…
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/22 12:12 AM
3

Yea, I’m learning. My therapist told me to continue to disengage. I’m trying to work on “not letting what others say effect me emotionally” but it’s difficult when your kid is being used as a weapon. Not to mention, when she says those things directly to me, I know that she says them to the children as well. Just interesting to be accused of harassing someone just because they didn’t get their way. When the only thing that I said to “defend myself” was that I wasn’t letting my child down by refu…
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/22 12:06 AM
1

Yo bud, I’m 30 and only 5 months past the divorce, if feel you some days, but 30 is still young. I was raising my ex’s kids for the last 10 years, now I have one of my own, so I basically grew up raising kids, and I worked my way to supervisor level at work, so I’m about to try and enjoy the 20s I never had with adult money. Don’t give up, I’m about to start pushing weights and maybe take up kayaking. I have my daughter and my ex’s nieces every other weekend and 3 afternoons a week (long story, …
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/22 09:24 PM
2

All I can do is learn and choose not to repeat
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/22 05:45 PM
6

Wasn’t married to the first one, and I was 20 and apparently a fucking moron.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/22 01:09 AM
7

Mines $700 a month, her first baby daddy was $150 a month, and second baby daddy was $300 a month. Inflation? Lol. Real kicker here is I’ve paid more in 5 months that the first did in 19 years, and more than the 2nd paid in 10 years.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/22 06:27 PM
1

Yea, what’s fucked is her first baby daddy cs was set at $150 a month. 2nd was set at $300, neither of them paid, she never sought to have it enforced, and mine is set at $700 and I’m paying insurance and have her 16 days a month. And she makes $5 an hour more than I do plus incentives.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/22 01:00 AM
1

I was told it didn’t matter how much custody I have, that in AL the child support is calculated the same regardless of parenting time.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/22 12:39 AM
3

Some states allow service by certified mail.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/22 03:33 PM
2

Mine did for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/22 10:15 AM
3

Just flashbacks. I got up at 4:30AM worked until 3:30PM, immediately picked up 2 elementary age kids and an infant, went home did everything for them, cooked, washed clothes, cut grass, washed dishes, because she worked 2:30PM-midnight. And she’d come in at midnight and wake me up, and not like cutely wake me up, not snuggle up to me and wake me up, but like flip the light on when she walked in after I had just put the baby down at 10 or 11, and couldn’t understand why I’d get angry. I spent the…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/22 10:12 AM
8

I’m just glad I’m not the only one to go through this. How does a woman not know that when you bitch your husband out for 2 hours about what he didn’t do after he worked all day and came home and cooked and bathed kids and put them to bed, he’s completely exhausted and you turned off every fucking desire he had for you?! And you have the fucking nerve to question his sexuality because he doesn’t want you?! And yea, his self esteem has a lot to do with it, and you’re making it worse, and if he’s …
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/22 03:01 AM
2

You can sign an exclusion that prohibits them from driving your vehicle.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/22 11:47 AM
2

Damn man, couldn’t have worded it better myself. And if you ignore the bullshit, they start fucking with your kid. And it sounds crazy to anyone you try to tell, because they twist the shit to make it seem innocent.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 02:07 AM
1

My younger stepdaughter’s father did the same thing. We provided her a phone, he kept sending one, we took it when she arrived and gave it back when she left. Ended up they told her not to allow us to take it, and she was using it to video myself and my now ex wife without our knowledge. I had to call a sheriff to confiscate it the last time at 13 the child told me she would fight me over it. 6 months later she filed a police report that I hit her. I pled to lesser, and filed for divorce, marria…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/22 11:53 AM
2

I could move past it, if she didn’t constantly do and say things to piss me off on purpose. She has an entire narrative that she’s fabricated, and likes to randomly bring up things that never happened, I suppose in an attempt to get me to admit to something. Which in and of itself doesn’t bother me, but the fact that she does it in front of my 1 year old is what pisses me off. I’m sure there are some of her family that believe her, but idk where she even got some of the crazy stuff. And her own …
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/22 11:41 AM
3

Did you have an attorney? There’s no way in hell my attorney would have ever allowed me to sign in agreement to the terms you’ve stated, she would have filed an appeal immediately upon receiving this order.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/22 11:31 AM
2

Just glad it happened sooner than later. 10-15 more years from now would’ve been a lot harder to restart life.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/22 02:48 AM
8

I’m staying with family to get my shit together.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/22 07:40 PM
11

Same, I provided for her and her 2 kids while her exes paid nothing for child support because she didn’t enforce it, and did it on my own while she went to school for 3 years not working. That turned into me doing everything, cooking, cleaning, picking up kids, dropping off kids, taking them to sports, while I was working a full time job. Pushed through, got promoted, was told constantly I was putting the job before my family, then it turned into I was going to work to see somebody else. And all…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/22 08:37 PM
1

Yeh, my mom left my dad about 8 months before my divorce, 37 years of her not working, she took 2/3 of his retirement and she was cheating. Still didn’t involve the numbers you’re talking, he didn’t really have enough to retire on to begin with and only makes about $90K a year
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/22 10:37 AM
1

Grief, it’s 30 day cooking off here in AL. I found an attorney, wrote down everything, split everything in 1/2, then bumped hers up a bit more. Signed over the house that I bought before we were married, took no equity, 50/50 custody and took the child support calculation (should’ve fought it a bit) and told the attorney that was my final offer. She told me she’d be crazy not to accept it. But we’re not talking about large amounts of money, she makes $5 an hour more than I do, and combined we we…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/22 08:07 PM
1

Oof, I can’t imagine having to go through the divorce for months, I basically gave her what she wanted to get it over with, took 6 weeks. Kinda regret some of the concessions I made, but came out alright in the end.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/22 11:44 PM
5

Better for them to be in a home that only broke once. Not over and over again. Every time I start to wish for reconciliation, she shows me exactly why we divorced in the first place and it immediately changes my mind.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/22 01:20 AM
6

I’m on 4 of 216.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 02:29 AM
6

Yep, that’s generally what happens. People blame the guy. Used to myself, used to think “any man who hits a woman or abandons her with his kids is a piece of shit.” But that was me in my own naïvety being raised differently, never seeing my mother hit, push, throw things at my father. Never seeing her bow up to him, slap his face, degrade him, devalue him, especially not in front of myself or my sister. And having had all of those things happen to me, and show all of the restraint I could to onl…
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/22 08:24 PM
2

Nah, if she wants to use the child support toward a car payment that’s her own business, but you don’t sign shit before getting court documents that tell you exactly what will be happening.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/22 09:05 PM
1

Don’t think we were married long enough / had enough income disparity for alimony. She made $5 an hour more than me after I provided for her and her kids while she went to nursing school. I thought I was doing what was best for my daughter and that she would appreciate it, but she doesn’t, and I wish that I had let her go figure out what it was like to pay $1200 a month rent instead of the $450 mortgage payment.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/22 04:20 AM
1

My dumb ass signed mine over to her. She’s responsible for getting it refinanced, but I didn’t get any equity out or anything, just gave it to her.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/22 12:38 AM
2

I hear ya, I’m paying 1/3 my income in child support for one child, just glad we weren’t together long enough nor have enough income disparity to add alimony to that.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/22 11:40 AM
1

Jump in feet first. Draw up what you’re willing to do, then decrease it by half, and let her talk you up to what you already decided to do.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/22 12:40 AM
5

Yep, told myself for about 5 years, “it’s just a rough patch, it’ll get better when…” then as every benchmark I set for when I thought things would get better arrived, they never got better, and I picked another event or time. Made excuse after excuse, but I finally realized what I was doing.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/22 01:34 PM
16

Probably wasting money. Just depends on what state you’re in, and what judge you have if they pay any attention to their findings.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/22 04:00 PM
1

She won’t, mine was the same way, sounds like she’s faultless, and wouldn’t dare go sit in front of a professional that would tell her otherwise.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/22 09:49 AM
1

Bingo
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/22 09:48 AM
2

She’s got someone else or wants someone else. Same thing happened with me, about 3 years of hell every day, nothing I did was right or enough. Rather than being grateful and appreciative for what I did, she would find something I didn’t do, or something that I didn’t do the way she would have done (the “right” way) and harp on it for days. Weekend after the papers were signed she left the kids at her parents and spent the night elsewhere.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/22 09:45 AM
7

Nah, she doesn’t want the stuff, she wants the $$.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/22 01:10 AM
2

Well I’m trying to keep the bullshit to a minimum for my daughter, but anytime she doesn’t get her way, I’m abusing her, and using the kids to control her, and manipulating and I’m unreliable when I refuse to use my vacation to take her niece to the doctor appointments she scheduled for Monday and Tuesday and didn’t ask me to take her to until Friday. And I’m like, do you not understand that I don’t have to do anything at all for them? But I do, because they’ve been through enough and don’t need…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/22 12:00 AM
1

She also keeps insisting that I’m using the children to abuse her, because I had been keeping them at her house in the evenings putting them to bed so they wouldn’t have to get out when she got off after midnight. And she’s taken to yelling at me for not cleaning the house because I only clean up after myself with whatever I use to cook with, and won’t touch messes that were already there. Anyway, I told her that she’s making me uncomfortable to watch them there, and if it’s going to be an issue…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/22 09:44 PM
4

So, I’m 30, my sister 27. Obviously far past the age of custody battles. But my mother left my father after 37 years of marriage for someone she dated in high school. She tried to tell anyone who would listen that he abused her mentally, emotionally, and financially. She was a stay at home mom, for all 37 years, even for the last 7 after my sister and I had both moved out. She took him for 2/3 of everything he had because she hadn’t worked in 37 years. Neither of us “took her side,” I haven’t sp…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/22 10:29 PM
1

I’m dancing the line, I’ll say no if it interferes, but I’m also taking what she offers so that I have a brick wall defense if she tries to decrease visits or increase support. Every hour has been documented. And 90% of the time she has them, 2 are in school or they’re all asleep
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/22 07:09 PM
1

Badly broken. Gotta love the sentences that start with how “unfit” you are and end with “can you watch them so that I can go do this or that?” Yep, I’ll watch them, unless the expectation is last minute, then it really just depends. In the past 2 months, I’ve told her no 3 times, and all three of them involved me having to leave work with less than a week notice.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/22 04:02 PM
3

And was told just tonight that I am “toxic, harmful, and neglectful, using the children to control her, and abuse her, and that I have proven to be extremely unreliable” because I told her that I couldn’t take off work Monday and Tuesday for doctor appointments that she made without consulting me while she was in the middle of changing jobs / schedules. After she told me on Tuesday of this week that she was rescheduling the appointments. I just told her that if she needed me to attend an appoint…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/22 02:31 AM
3

Divorce was final February 8th, I’ve had the kids for some amount of time 33/46 days since then.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/22 02:18 AM
2

My daughter will be better off for it. This is my opportunity to grow, learn coping skills, learn communication skills, and to help her develop in ways as a child that I’m not developing until an adult.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/22 01:00 AM
25

Worse than a death, dead people don’t try to take your kids and hold them over your head for child support, or your house and retirement, or stand in your face calling you a piece of shit accusing you of cheating when they’re on the way to ride their new money branch in the car you found, bought and maintained while they weren’t working and you were putting them through school.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/22 08:51 PM
6

You made it 5 years after the child was born? My daughter isn’t even 2. Don’t make my mistakes, I was in such a hurry to get it over with that I gave her everything and a week after the final order was signed she basically slapped me in the face with the affair she was having. The weekend following the judge issuing the order she took my daughter to her parents house and didn’t come home that night.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/22 08:16 PM
5

I don’t see every getting to any semblance of friendship. She accused me of cheating over and over, but I wasn’t. Makes nasty comments to me and about me in front of our daughter regularly. Does things to express control over my finances and my life. IE, just quit her job that was 3 nights a week and every other weekend to go to a 9-5 stating that she would have more time with the child, but rather than having the child with her 2 full days a week and until 1:30 in the afternoon the other 3 days…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/22 03:24 PM
7

Just record the explosion when you tell her, call the police if she gets out of hand, take the recording to an attorney file for a protective order and have her removed from the home.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/22 08:51 PM
2

Usually work through lunch, but I hear ya, maybe leave early on one of my days without the kids. She keeps pushing and I’m about to sidestep and let her fall on her face. I can only take so much, probably why we’re divorced, cause I quit being a door mat and begging for forgiveness for things I wasn’t doing.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/22 06:30 PM
2

Yea, hard to find time for that when I work 60 hours a week 5:30A-4:30P, pick them up from after school care at 5P 3 days a week and have them until 12:30A. I’ve gotten to where when I hear her pull up around 12:30 I’ve got my coat on and walk out when she walks in. She all the time telling me I should be cleaning up after them, but I wash the dishes that I use while I’m there, but I’m not standing there washing the sink full she neglected for 4 days. And I’m not taking out the trash, or scoopin…
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/22 03:16 PM
5

I regret not divorcing her before having a child with her.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/22 03:20 AM
2

Then I get asked to watch them on her days so she can do “self care,” I take them any time, but it’s just crazy how they do things and just expect it to not be an issue. Like making plans and telling me I have to watch my 1.5 year old while I’m at work. Then saying that I shouldn’t have right of first refusal if I’m always going to say no. Because I said no twice because it was during my work hours with 1 day notice.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/22 11:21 PM
2

Damn, almost seems like I wrote this post. I do at least have 2 days a week and every other weekend to catch up on all my stuff, but that’s to do what I don’t get done during the week, not relax.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/22 11:04 PM
1

Nah, I know those are fake, but I’m talkin regular looking girls.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/22 11:41 PM
3

Doesn’t matter, no judge with any sort of importance is going to pour themselves into Facebook posts.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/22 09:56 PM
10

Lol, all my matches just ask me to cash app, PayPal, Venmo, etc. them money for nudes or videos or meet-ups. I’ve all but given up on them. Bout to start hitting the bars to try and meet someone the old fashioned way.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/22 07:00 PM
8

Speaks volumes that a judge has time to acknowledge your social media posts.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/22 02:50 PM
1

Yea, I had a feeling it would be like this, I had right of first refusal written into the papers, she has to ask me first.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/22 09:35 AM
3

That’s what I figured, esp since I found out one night the kids were at her parents and she didn’t come home, then she asked me to watch them for 2 days straight and again didn’t come home. Mr. special must not want kids.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/22 02:28 AM
3

According to her, I’m the narcissist, as well as the other two baby daddies, and anyone that looks at her the wrong way.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/22 02:26 AM
1

She told me it wasn’t enough. I was like well, $700 is a lot for one child, double what was ordered for her other kids and I’m actually paying it unlike the other two deadbeats whose children I was raising.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/22 12:33 AM
3

Yea, I’m waiting on her to try and increase CS. But that will backfire big time when I’m doing so much more than my obligation.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/22 12:28 AM
2

Yea, I’m doing that, it’s always “to run errands” or “go to the gym” etc. like I said, I don’t mind, but I’m also trying to re-build my life and it’s discouraging to be paying so much and also doing so much. Then I’m constantly told that I only watch them “a few hours a week.” But she puts 2 of them on the bus and 3 days a week I pick them up and watch them, feed them and do bedtime routine from 5pm-12:30am when she gets home from work. And then get verbally abused because I didn’t clean her hou…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/22 12:28 AM
6

I think here it says a “significant change of circumstances”
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/22 12:22 AM
2

I’m looking at cruisers, something to run down to the beach on my weekend without my daughter. And to ride back and forth to work, 45mpg > 14 in my truck.lol
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/22 03:43 AM
1

Damn, thought for sure I was the only person still using an 09-10 laptop. The MacBook Pro I got when I graduated high school. Lol
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/22 03:40 AM
7

I’m looking at motorcycles and about to buy a metal detector.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/22 12:51 AM
18

I don’t think it will take long with how she’s acting.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/22 05:59 PM
1

Yep, fortunately my grandmother had a spare room.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/22 06:28 AM
1

I’m staying with my grandmother right now, not really a place to put them up, once I get my own place every other weekend they’ll be with me Friday-Sunday night
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/22 03:34 AM
1

She got everything, so it was either she can pick them up at 12:30 AM from where I’m staying, or I can put them in bed and leave when she gets home. But two of them are fosters, and they’re her family, and apparently she has no understanding that when the judge flipped his pen I didn’t have to do anything else for them.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/22 01:15 AM
4

Yea, I am, just sleeping 4 hours a night and working 10-12 hour shifts starts to wear on you.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/22 09:04 PM
2

Congrats! Mine was signed by the judge today also. And I got constant reminders all day as to why I’ll never do it again.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/22 05:14 AM
3

That’s my nickname too, Psycho is another frequent. I’ve started to think of them as terms of endearment. They’re used so often now they really don’t mean anything. It’s funny to me that now according to her, both of her previous baby daddies and I are all the same, crazy narcissists, but the literal only thing any of us have in common is having a child with her. But apparently it’s not the common denominator.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/22 03:24 AM
2

Can’t put a price on sanity.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/22 12:59 AM
1

Mine still says she could’ve gotten more, gets 1/3 my income in cs, on top of it all, I told her if she brought lawyers into it they’d be paid for out of the home equity that she was getting.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/22 05:38 PM
3

Keep being there for them. She will either get over it or ruin her own relationship with them. You’ve done nothing wrong, you took part in raising her son and your relationship with him, his ex, and your granddaughter have nothing to do with her at this point in your life.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/22 05:00 PM
2

This. I gave her the house, it’s equity, basically everything in the house but my half of the adjustable bed, took my tools and kept her out of my bank account. Not really a good comparison to some on here, cause everything we owned plus bank accounts came out to around $100k, but it was easier for me to set her up to take care of the children and for me to start over than it was to fight back and forth for a year or 2.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/22 01:18 PM
8

I wouldn’t ever do it again unless I was 100% certain that it would be forever and fair, and actually based on love and not what I can do or provide, which means I’ll probably never remarry. I myself grew up raising other peoples kids, only to have them stab me in the back, and I’ll never do that again either. I might get a dog once I get my own place, but that’s about the biggest commitment I’m going to be making for a while.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/22 03:10 PM
1

Heard that. Any woman I start seeing will get a cardboard box for a toothbrush and one outfit, first sign of crazy or deceit and that box goes out the window.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/22 02:20 AM
1

Not a bad idea
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/22 11:49 PM
7

Nah, went through all the BS to become a foster parent for ex’s family members and I’d never deal with that system again. And that’s only if my ex’s teen daughters false allegations don’t ruin my life. She accused me of slapping her face, and all anyone has to say to me is “be glad she didn’t accuse you of molesting her.” Apparently when a child says something to get their way, it’s true until proven false. Rather than the way the justice system actually is designed to work…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/22 12:49 PM
34

Interested to see the responses to this. I’m recently divorced with 1 child, currently going back and forth with the decision to get a vasectomy. I would love to have another child if I found the right person, but I’m not sure there is such a thing, and I never want to end up in another situation where my child is dangled over my head for money ever again.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/22 12:24 PM
2

According to mine I’m the serial cheater. Though for the last 10 years all I’ve done is get up, go to work, come home and take care of kids. Still in the home until the judge signs the agreement, she comes in yesterday from work after I’ve been there all day watching kids snatching the covers off her side of the split king because “my hoe left glitter on her pillow” then goes asking the children if I made them play outside…to which they told her no…but she continued her crazy rant.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/22 11:51 AM
2

Yep, and resentment was born, and from then on it only grew.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/22 03:59 AM
1

Don’t get married.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 11:51 PM
5

Seems like they like to just show up and fly by the seat of their pants. I definitely went with the wrong profession. $50 to halfway respond to an email, while working so many cases they barely remember your name…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/22 10:25 PM
14

She’s been listening to Dave Ramsey, “my debt is your debt” which is true really. But in a divorce if she brought it into the marriage she can take it with her. Aside from that, there’s no financial advantage of being married. If you have kids you automatically have visitation rights where you have to seek them if you’re unmarried and split…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/22 03:38 PM
3

Swear they have a manual out there that they pass around. Sounds exactly like the things I’ve heard “it’s your fault I have to take you to court” according to mine everything is my fault, it’s even my fault that her teenager has accused me of abuse in her attempt to go live with her dad who owes $40k in child support. And I’m having to pay an attorney for that as well as the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/22 11:18 AM
8

Yep, I blame myself really, spoiled the hell out of her, and what used to be appreciated as above and beyond became the new minimum expectation.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/22 03:34 PM
8

Welcome to AL, the women here are just as crazy as anywhere else, and watch out for meth. Lol
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/22 01:52 AM
2

It’s not a good situation. Ever.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/22 01:00 AM
1

I don’t have the time, energy, or money for that.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/22 12:32 AM
1

Would make it quite difficult to move if she has to pay an attorney to re-establish custody. And unless it’s an outrageous move, I have no issue traveling to maintain my weekend and holiday visits. Plus, she’s got other kids tethering her. I’d be more likely to move than she.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 05:14 AM
1

It’s specified that a move requires a new custody agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 05:05 AM
3

I’m satisfied with the current agreement. I’m not spending thousands to fight against something that’s mutually beneficial. She’s fit to parent, and in this mommy state, it’s not worth spending $10K to get less than what we’ve agreed to already.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 04:27 AM
13

From now on any romantic interest will keep their own place and have a box large enough for a toothbrush and one change of clothes, that way at the first sign of crazy I can toss it to the curb and go on about my day.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 03:57 AM
1

It’s more detailed than I went into. Unfortunately, my schedule is 5AM-4PM, so overnights will be weekend and holiday only, but it’s also specified that at school age or the change of her schedules I still get Wednesday visits at minimum. While I’d love to have her all the time, it’s best for everyone if we work together.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 03:56 AM
8

No worries there. First and last marriage for me. And she taught me the single mom lesson too. Used me like an ATM until she finished school and started making more than I do.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 03:50 AM
2

She currently works 3 nights a week and every other weekend, I get her from the time I get off work until her shift is over on week nights and the work weekends. At least until her schedule changes or she starts school
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 03:21 AM
2

I couldn’t imagine $50k in legal fees. I’d never financially recover from that. I’m not happy about the $5k it looks like I’m going to have to pay out.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 02:37 AM
1

Talk to your kid, make sure they understand right from wrong, boundaries, that many people on the internet are not who they say they are. Keep them occupied and off the phone, and if the wife’s permissiveness leads to inappropriate, unsafe conditions, file for a change of custody.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 02:31 AM
2

Yea, I have a 1 year old, and basically going through the same thing. I love my daughter, but I saw the signs 2 years ago and should’ve made a clean break then.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/22 07:21 PM
2

Met at 20, married at 25, divorce is pending at 30. She was 27 and had 2 kids. Now one of them is accusing me of abuse in an attempt to charge her with failure to protect so that she can go live with the deadbeat daddy that owes $40,000 in child support that I busted my ass to make up for over the last 10 years.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/22 04:07 PM
4

Randomly, over the course of years, it gets progressively worse, and then if you have a kid, you suddenly become “just as bad as all the others” even though you’ve supported them, their previous kids, and they know they’ll get child support on the mutual child. Ask me how I know.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/22 04:04 PM
2

Just be glad you didn’t have your own kid with her.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/22 04:02 PM
2

It’s almost impossible to predict. I’ll be paying $500/month for one child, but she makes more than I do.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/21 06:30 PM
2

I have one.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/21 02:15 PM
2

The case is weak, it was just a stunt to forego their custody agreement. We’re licensed foster parents and have had DHR in our home once a month for the last 2 years. If stbx were to turn on me, she would be charged with failure to protect. But I have photos, character witnesses, and eye witnesses that will refute her claims. Coupled with the fact that she didn’t report the alleged incident to anyone until she returned to her father’s for the next visitation two weeks later, its unlikely it will…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/21 04:33 AM
1

She has a week to accept. If she doesn’t I’ll be filing for custody, cs, alimony for the 3 years she went to school and didn’t work while I supported her and her kids while she increased her earning potential, and keeping the home. I’m not going to let it get drug out over unfounded threats.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/21 04:01 AM
1

Just want it over. I’m tired of staying here with her constantly trying to start fights and then throwing her phone up to try and video my response like she didn’t instigate it. Keeps telling me to “get out or she’s calling the police” but I owned the house before the marriage, so it’s not even marital property except the equity over the last 5 years.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/21 03:51 AM
2

Well that’s the thing, I don’t want her to be thankful, or really care how she feels, I’m trying to make sure that she can provide for my child. It’s not about me, or her or anything else at this point but my daughter’s well being. She’s so bitter and hateful that getting at me is more important than anything else, and I could honestly care less about anything she says or does to me. Flat out told her she’s welcome to make her threats and even go out and file charges, but in the end I’ll get pas…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/21 03:15 AM
5

True. But goals are fairly easy to develop, fitness goals, financial goals, goals for personal growth, hobbies, goals regarding your children. My first goal will be getting to debt free status, followed by losing about 40-60 lbs. I’ve never been much of a people person, and after the last couple of years I definitely don’t see myself longing for companionship.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/21 11:41 PM
1

Yep, something I’ll never put up with again.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/21 08:11 PM
2

Yep, I spent 10 years supporting mine (5 married) raising her two kids, putting her through school. The second she started making more than me it was like I was a pile of dog shit. Doesn’t make much more than me, but apparently it’s enough that I’m of no use to her anymore. Couple that with her daughter claiming that we abused her so she could go live with her dad, I’m in the same boat as you, paying for criminal and family attornies. My only benefit is the daughter waited 2 weeks until she was …
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/21 05:06 AM
6

I’ve had mine on do not disturb since before thanksgiving. Still gets to me some, but way better than her shit being the first thing I see when I open my phone.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/21 04:34 AM
3

This is the same situation I’m in, and she’s making it HELL.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/21 08:45 PM
6

Hmm, I was just thinking the other day, once it’s all finalized any other relationship I have, she will have to keep her own place, I’ll buy a small tote for items she’d like to leave so that at the first sign of crazy the tote goes out the window and that’s the end of that.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/21 01:32 AM
1

Some people just can’t accept that what they have is good. My stbx looked on linked in to find every female that worked at my company, and then looked them up on Facebook. Wouldn’t allow me to be friends with any female from high school on Facebook, all of it. Made accusations even though I go straight to work and come straight home, and even have shown her the driving records from my car insurance app, she’s just convinced with no cause what so ever.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/21 02:14 AM
1

Crazy how similar some situations are, like they have a manual for it. My stbx has been walking around mumbling about how she “doesn’t need a man for anything” but won’t take out the trash cause it’s “my job” and I’m “sorry as hell” if I don’t take it out. But has no response when I ask who will do it when the divorce is final. But her insecurities are the worst, any time I wear nicer clothes, cologne, or buy new underwear to replace mine with holes in them, she asks who I’m trying to look good …
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/21 02:09 AM
10

Sound advice. Wish things were different honestly, but I found peace with it before we got to this point. In my own journey of trying to change myself in order to make it work, I came to the realization that I’m not responsible for her happiness, and she isn’t responsible for mine. I’ve shouldered a lot of her baggage for 10 years, and realize that she initially appreciated it, but at some point the appreciation turned to expectation. And I shouldn’t be expected to go above and beyond her expect…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/21 12:01 AM
2

Autism is a disability. Apply for SSI benefits, it should also extend Medicaid coverage to him as well to cover anything that your insurance provider doesn’t.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/21 10:26 PM
1

Yea, well fortunately I’m pretty sure it can only get better.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/21 03:30 AM
3

Big reason for the divorce I’m going through now. I get up, go straight to work, work all day, come straight home and help with dinner, kids, chores, maintaining the house and vehicles. But I get accused of cheating daily, and that’s the most ridiculous shit
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/21 12:25 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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