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James1933-75 Archive

View 4 posts and 795 comments by James1933-75 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

If she's the one pushing for the separation, just don't.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/23 06:41 PM
1

OP, it may be partly about you, but this marriage didn't fail because you asked too much from her. Being clingy, can illicit bad behaviour from a woman, but ... you married a 304, and expected her to be a wife, that was your major mistake.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/23 03:18 PM
1

Well, with my ex, on her first "outing" she went with "friends" ... All the photos, shopping bags, etc came home. It turned out she was having an affair with the friend, and the husband.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/23 01:20 PM
1

Bingo! OP, don't be naïve.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/23 03:10 AM
1

Did you read OP's post? She is a frigid wife, ignoring his existence. He isn't the problem here.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/23 03:09 AM
3

One of the only bottom line responses on this thread. OP, this is the deal.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/23 03:07 AM
1

Check her phone sir, to make sure she isn't cheating.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/23 02:43 AM
2

Or she is getting it somewhere else, 90% of the time.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/23 02:37 AM
1

This is the advice everyone should be giving here. As the above comment states, there is no living the "best life" until the old one is dusted. OP, I hope you have a lawyer. You need to get mad, and start cutting off everything not deemed "essential". If you are paying for everything, start chopping. Internet? Gone. TV service? Gone. Clear with lawyer, then sign the car over to her, and cancel the insurance and plates (gone). Anything non-essential needs to be GONE. Implement scorched earth with…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/23 01:37 PM
1

Fingers crossed you're right.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/23 07:04 PM
2

She thought she could establish some sort of status quo.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/23 03:57 PM
1

Bro, ask your doc about real sleeping pills, to get your rhythm back on track.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/23 02:36 AM
1

Have her earning potential imputed, this is what you are gunning for. She has income potential, even at minimum wage, to offset spousal support. The courts do care about this.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/23 01:18 AM
1

You have no idea, plenty of obese women tagged as BBW cheating on the daily.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/23 06:21 PM
2

This is completely on your ex, don't drag the lawyers into it. The lawyers work for both of you. If your stbwx is so gullible to believe everything they say, well, then, that's the problem.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/23 08:01 PM
7

Though looks might be a factor in cheating, it is their deficient personality traits that enable it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/23 03:00 PM
9

Even the fact they keep everything above board, and pay their bills.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/23 02:56 PM
2

Cheating is not forgivable, get that out of your head. Most likely cheating is the spark that started this fire.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/23 04:57 AM
2

Get the info, bag it for now, forget the lawyer's suggestion, unless the stuff is egregious. Once everything is done, and solid, send it all to her family and friends. Scorch earth her. Just my 2 cents.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/23 04:08 PM
2

Only if you didn't shut down the joint account.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/23 09:02 PM
2

Are you sure she isn't cheating on you? Just a thought.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/23 12:59 AM
1

I understand intellectual incompatibility, but can you provide an example? Also, why is there zero trust?
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/23 09:24 PM
5

At least she went yo therapy, most woman wouldn't.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/23 09:21 PM
4

She filed. You shouldn't have any guilt. Place the blame where it belongs.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 01:04 PM
4

Shave your head, grow a 'rough neck' beard ...
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 01:46 AM
3

Trade testosterone for mg hair? No thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 01:44 AM
2

Hire a PI, get the boys into therapy to create a documentation trail.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/23 08:00 PM
5

I understand the concern in OP's words. My ex is dating welfare bums ... But with that said, this post suggests a 3rd party, hopefully unbiased, documentation of any potential issues. This would be gold for any changes in custody. I would do this along with a PI, if the individual was of serious concern.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/23 07:57 PM
2

Yeah, treated me terrible for it, then found out she was sleeping around, and she was dead to me, instantaneously.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/23 12:25 PM
6

I didn't break it to her, I slammed her with divorce papers.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/23 03:37 AM
1

Like I always say, Give no quarter gents.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/23 02:36 PM
1

Came here to reinforce this. Her behaviour is typical cheater behaviour.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/23 01:31 PM
1

Or keep in on the down low.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/23 01:31 PM
2

Lol, what is it with going through three lawyers? It's like the evil journey to the unholy trinity. My stbxw is on her third as well ... And is now begging for mediation.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/23 01:30 PM
1

Until she stops being rational, decides to deep six a long term marriage, and abandon her children for pills, party, and alcohol. You are creating a false sense of hope for people. Heck, a partner could be in a serious accident, and the other spouse leaves because it is "too hard", or the spouse that was in the accident could suffer a traumatic brain injury, and turn into an abusive SOB. Life happens, to the best of people, with the best intentions.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/23 06:23 PM
8

Came here to say this.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 01:20 PM
1

You move towards indifference. You don't have to completely open up to the new woman, you just need to slam the door on you ex.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 12:38 AM
5

Total stall tactic. My serial-cheating stbxw said this, and all the while was planning to blindside me with divorce, being helped by the marriage counselor. Don't believe a word out of her mouth, EVER.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 05:58 PM
9

She has serious mental illness, no body should be opposed to going to a restaurant.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/23 01:54 PM
1

It is over used in our times. But our society is more narcissistic than in say the 1950s. Narcs love bomb the person into the relationship. Then the mask drops. Take you ex's labeling as just that, an opinion. Generally, when a woman calls her ex a narc, there is nothing legitimate to back it up.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/23 07:04 AM
72

My biggest failure was getting married.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/23 02:32 AM
3

OP, read up on borderline personality disorder (BPD). She needs to be committed if you are legally able to force the issue.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/23 11:37 PM
4

Boss
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/23 09:33 PM
2

How do PIs obtain this information, when the normal folk cannot? Do they call in favours?
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/23 03:23 PM
3

Or try to negotiate a lump sum alimony?
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/22 11:38 PM
2

Review the symptoms for rapid-cycling/mixed-state bipolar1, and/or Borderline Personality Disorder, and see if they are a better fit. Any childhood trauma on her part? BTW, an antidepressant can drive people into manic behaviour.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/22 10:33 PM
1

Sir, may I be so bold to suggest that doesn't sound like ADHD. Who dx'd her?
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/22 04:59 AM
3

No quarter given, ever. Good job boss.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/22 06:43 PM
1

Doesn't matter. The only reason she got the cat sitter, was to keep him out of the house. By him not staying at the house is only reinforcing the prevent, and encouraging her bad behaviour. We ain't going to agree on this.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/22 05:48 PM
3

He sets the boundary that she is not sole owner of the house.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/22 01:41 PM
7

That ain't right. Fire the cat sitter, and kick her out. You go stay there. Don't even ask your ex about it, just do it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/22 02:01 AM
3

Oh, it's crazy. We are six figures in debt, and she has hidden assets in another country she has not declared on financials, because "it isn't relevant". Lol, so absurd. I've hired lawyers in that country, when all she had to do was provide a copy of the papers. I will be suing for lawyers costs. Welcome to the jungle y'all ...
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/22 02:08 PM
1

Honestly, you don't. There is a method called parallel parenting.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/22 02:04 PM
2

It's all a sense of gross entitlement, enmeshed with a cheater's mindset.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/22 02:01 PM
1

Why would your your mother invite over the stbxw? Wildly inappropriate. Merry Christmas OP.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/22 02:11 AM
5

It all depends if she is amicable, or contests the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/22 02:04 AM
3

OP, tell your mom it isn't like it used to be when she was young. It is extremely difficult to find, then successfully vet a possible wife. I am not sure of your jurisdiction, but if you pick wrong, you will potentially lose everything you worked for. If you want to get snarky, ask her if she is willing to pay you back everything you could lose in a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/22 01:26 AM
4

Bust the cheater for all you can. You have no children, so count yourself lucky. I will never blame someone for their spouse cheating, there is no excuse. Get some therapy for yourself, and explore your relationship to see if there is anything you want to change about yourself before entering another.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/22 09:04 PM
4

My stbxw has done similar to what your stbxh has done, including the appraisals, cheating and dragging out everything. You have my sympathies.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/22 08:57 PM
10

Good show brother, never give an inch.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/22 01:34 PM
10

It is, but society and feminism create this type of mental disorder that magnifies self centeredness. It is reminiscent of a personality disorder.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/22 01:14 PM
8

The real reason why you need yo get your child out of there. Her mental disorder will target your child eventually. These women conflate contentment with happiness, and happiness is fleeting. It's selfishness to their core.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/22 01:12 PM
17

Welcome to the jungle ...
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/22 01:53 AM
2

Let's add vexatious actions.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/22 07:30 PM
1

Honestly, in my opinion you should be only using one method of communication, so if it needs to be presented in court, it is cohesive. With the speed of networks nowadays, email is rather instantaneous.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/22 07:28 PM
2

OP, don't tell her before you file. You need to control the narrative in this situation.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/22 03:14 AM
5

That's so unethical.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 01:30 AM
11

Bingo!
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/22 11:37 AM
2

You fire everything in one salvo, and pick up the pieces. Never "go easy", NEVER.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/22 12:06 AM
1

Wow, that list is so asinine, I can tell it's complete baloney, and I don't even know you.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/22 11:29 PM
1

It can take up to 2 years to get the child back, so best to not allow it in the first place. Her relatives can come and visit her.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/22 07:31 PM
2

One is supposed to declare world wide assets. My ex did/is doing what what you stipulate here in her home country. I hired a lawyer there, and am burning everything down. The local court will recognize an unopposed lawyer opinion/report from abroad. The only way she can oppose it is to hire a lawyer there, that find a loophole in their local laws, and exploit it. Fortunately, so far there is nothing she can do.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/22 05:56 PM
2

You financials are supposed to include worldwide assets.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/22 05:51 PM
2

One cannot discount the house, yard and vehicle maintenance like most women do. House chores are simple if one has a method. I do/did 98% of everything, full stop. Women nowadays act like they are owed something for housework, I call bullocks, until they are under the truck changing the oil, and fixing whatever else. If a couple is solely "professionals" and pays everyone else for maintenance, then I can see "chore equity" being a discussion, otherwise, absolutely not.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/22 12:13 AM
1

God, if we all only had a crystal ball. :)
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/22 09:54 PM
4

In a lot of places, child support cannot be waved. If you did accept that, the judge would modify the settlement to you having no access, and having to pay full child support. OP, you should be demanding alimony as well.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/22 09:26 PM
3

His ex is an abuser, at minimum he needs to demand full custody. Scorched earth if necessary.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/22 09:23 PM
1

Good job!
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/22 09:08 PM
2

OP, get to a lawyer now, and tell them exactly what you told us. File for exclusive use of the house, and full custody. File for abandonment. Do this yesterday, or you will regret it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/22 02:43 PM
1

OP, you don't need advice on divorce, you need to see a shrink!
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/22 03:39 AM
1

Are you out of the state that she is in? What is his opinion on you leaving the county/state? Some jurisdictions are different than others, but in mine, I am not supposed to leave the county.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/22 03:11 AM
2

What were the counsel's ideas?
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/22 01:48 AM
1

I was told by my lawyer, that she actually successfully argued (in another case) that secret recordings undermine trust between partners. The judge threw all the video evidence out. It makes no sense, but neither does family court.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/22 02:09 PM
3

That's messed up.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/22 12:20 AM
1

Read up on cluster B personality disorders.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/22 09:05 PM
1

Or just turn around and walk away.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/22 09:04 PM
2

Lesson not to agree to these sorts of things. Every day is debilitating to a regular schedule.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/22 07:54 PM
4

Doesn't matter, if time is of the essence, they need to get it to you with enough time.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/22 11:54 PM
2

Guess it depends on the situation surrounding the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/22 02:44 PM
1

Because his stbxw is setting him up as an abuser.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/22 04:05 PM
3

They don't need evidence, this is not criminal court.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/22 02:40 AM
2

Because it sets the narrative.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/22 02:39 AM
2

They are not married to each other any longer. What I'd happening, is he is cowtailing to his ex's whims. He is presenting an unhealthy relationship dynamic to his daughter. You think his ex wasn't trying to ruffle his new relationship feather? I have a bridge to sell you, in a desert.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 01:51 AM
1

How did they cancel the fifth trial?
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 01:36 AM
1

I have a different view on this. In my opinion: 1). He shouldn't go due to his ex being present. It has nothing to do with what the girlfriend wants. It is absolutely weird, in my opinion, to want to interact, on this type of level, with an ex. 2). Personally, I would start a new tradition. If it "has to be" in the old house, ask the ex to go visit someone for a few days. 3). We don't know how the gf presented this. If she presented this in a controlling manner, or as an ultimatum, he needs to d…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 07:35 PM
5

Good Lord, she is just trying to rile you up so she can TRO you. File first, like yesterday.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 12:10 AM
1

I am surprised a drunk was awarded any custody. With her record, she should have none.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/22 03:38 AM
2

And you're sure she wasn't wandering? If I were you, there surely wouldn't be any travel for a good, long time.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/22 01:19 AM
14

Sir, she is cheating on you, listen to what others are telling you.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/22 04:33 PM
1

It might have nothing to do with the divorce. Maybe he has trust issues? I wouldn't contact him any longer, he knows how to get in touch with you.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/22 02:01 AM
1

I think it is enforceable, if you have the will to do so, and the money. You know zero about this woman, and spent zero time with her. You ex, has done nothing to placate your concern. Just say no, you'll take him, tell her to take you to court otherwise.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/22 08:13 PM
5

With future plans, I make ones that work with or without a lady friend. Anything that requires double income, out. Anything that requires any intertwining or resources, out.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/22 04:13 PM
2

She's probably giving the money to the boyfriend.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 04:25 AM
3

Been there, done that .... And all I can say is that she is an utter piece of trash. Before you mentioned cheating, and reading everything you were doing, I knew she was cheating. One lesson we can all learn, we cannot make someone happy (content), that comes from within.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/22 03:08 PM
1

Exactly this. One has to tell their support network, otherwise they will implode.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/22 02:00 AM
8

Book some time off of work.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/22 09:48 PM
9

Heck no! Ad a psych eval in there also. File a damn TRO on her, she is physically violent to you and the children!
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/22 03:36 AM
1

Good luck getting a judge to enforce it though. I know some have succeeded, but in general, the court won't take the case.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/22 02:22 AM
4

My counselor helped me realize what she did was abuse, to both me and my children, and it didn't matter if she was mentally ill. Then she told me she cheated, and blamed me. Then I found out she cheated more. Then I found out our MC and her were going to blind side me with divorce, and I quietly switched the light switch on myself. I give no quarter. I am not confrontational, I give people a lot of slack in the rope to hang themselves, and then I let them do it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/22 10:44 PM
2

Somehow you would have to influence the judge to order a background check on her boyfriend, if he is around the children. Either get a new lawyer, or convince your current lawyer to file urgent counsel with the court. Hire a PI to try and catch this guy with the children. It's a long shot. The other option is CPS, but they don't like getting involved in custody.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/22 06:23 PM
2

Only one word, projection.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/22 09:37 PM
3

Yes, use it as leverage. Ex can stay on your insurance for X years, and XX will be reduced as a result.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/22 04:08 PM
2

Exactly, I understand 100%. As the divorce process continues, her stories with continue to expand into crazy++ zone.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/22 04:06 PM
4

My stbxw has diagnosed BPD, so I can identify with what you are going through. If your ex is truly cluster B, she will not pass a psych eval, is she included in the psych eval? Your ex will abuse your child with you out of the picture. You need to figure out a way to trap her in her neurosis/psychosis, and use it against her. If your ex is going off the rails at any point, call in a welfare check, to get it documented.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/22 03:51 AM
5

This is truth. Somehow the multiple affairs/encounters my stbxw was having were not the cause of the divorce, it was because I got physically "sick". Isn't that still a bad reason? Unbelievable. She never accepts responsibility of prescription drug abuse, suicide attempts, and mixing alcohol in the mix. Total lack of accountability.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/22 03:15 PM
1

LOL, I got that exact quote as well! Did we marry the same woman? Hahahaha
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/22 02:09 PM
1

Lol, the whole banking thing was real life for me.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/22 01:54 PM
3

Credit is never accounted for, only debits.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/22 08:47 PM
2

They are still married.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/22 08:46 PM
1

Yeah, similar here, thanks for explaining.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/22 03:27 AM
1

Is there no mechanism to covert the 401K to a spousal one, and transfer the money without tax hit? I'm in Canada, so don't know all the details about USA investment vehicles.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 01:10 PM
21

Selfishness.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 01:02 PM
2

I think you ex messed up these scenarios.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/22 01:01 PM
2

I don't get her lawyer's position. She will have to pay taxes on the alimony, you get the deduction ... What am I missing?
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/22 05:08 AM
3

Eh ... no legal marriage, that is for sure. Cohabitation, I doubt it ... especially if she already owns her own home ... I like a lady giving me affection, but that pattern always seems to develop, and I have to drop 'em. Maybe one day.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/22 02:17 AM
4

A mediator will side with whoever they perceive as weak. If the woman is a nutter, mediation will just be a stage for them to flaunt their nuttiness.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/22 05:07 PM
2

She's the one that needs the counseling.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/22 02:07 PM
4

Sir, this woman is abusing you. She had FT, then went 50/50, then threatens FT? That is just crazy. Honestly, I would be leery that she would start abusing your youngest, since she can't handle him. I hope you are documenting this. You should never have allowed her to move an hour away.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/22 01:57 AM
6

It still is abuse, don't sugar coat it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/22 01:36 AM
12

Do as I wrote, take a leave from work if you need to, tell them what is going on. Give no quarter. Your son deserves a stable home.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/22 02:29 AM
1

OK, but you could criminally charge her with uttering death threats? Go to the cop shop and show them the messages.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/22 02:27 AM
23

1). Get recordings of her rages, and any damage she has done. 2). File for a TRO, and have her removed from the home. 3). File for exclusive custody of your child, and exclusive use of the home, file for divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/22 01:51 AM
5

I think you did well, considering there was no cheating. At least you gave her time with her daughter and granddaughter.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/22 12:24 AM
2

OP, you were not a bad husband, you did what you were supposed to do.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/22 05:09 PM
1

Wow. Abusive to the children as well?
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/22 05:08 PM
1

Does the Baker Act apply in your area? I dealt with similar, but my stbxw tried to commit suicide multiple times. I left with the children.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/22 01:33 AM
1

And these threats were not presented to the court?
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/22 10:29 PM
1

File for divorce NOW!! Get and keep any and all passports. Fill for emergency hearing NOW to place orders on her, due to her threatening to leave the country. Call her embassy, state who you are married to, child's name, and state you give no permission for travel documents to be issued/used. Call the Aussie govt, and do the same.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/22 08:41 PM
0

Because it reduces the value of the estate. Once she is out of the picture, in my opinion, you have two options, file bankruptcy, or pay off the credit card since you no longer support her.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/22 02:23 AM
2

Cheating is a character flaw, it is not due to him not doing something.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/22 01:11 AM
1

It all depends on the jurisdiction , though, eh? Where I am, it is "no-fault", but if she is in a sustainable romantic relationship, it forfeits the alimony. I have all the evidence to prove this if it ends up in trial, otherwise I will pay a bulk alimony, and scorch earth afterwards. Win-win situation either way.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 01:26 PM
1

I know for sure my ex would never abide by any "rules" for co-parenting. She would do the opposite just to make her AP happy.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/22 02:29 AM
1

I think you need to take a look at her text messages. I'll bet you a donut she is cheating, at least on an emotional level. That sht about replaceable and being a h*ker is called projection. She's going to replace you, and then she's going to live out her 304 debauchery. She is an emotional abuser! Look at the phone!
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/22 01:55 AM
3

Or she is buying time to broadside you with a TRO and divorce papers.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/22 09:09 PM
7

This is so awesome, I'm just laughing here! SHE deserves the Darwin award.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/22 05:13 PM
3

Aye, Aye, Captain, ramming speed!
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/22 05:12 PM
4

Begging for forgiveness would still not be enough.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/22 01:09 AM
2

Is there a law that she broke (I hope!) that you could hire a criminal lawyer and go after her for? That is just so egregious.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 11:34 PM
1

Isn't that crazy ... She will only get a split of $12 million, what a shame /s. Lol.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 03:14 AM
1

Did she receive any punishment for doing this?
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 03:00 AM
2

Jeez Louise, heck no!
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 02:38 AM
1

Inquire about an annulment.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 02:20 AM
2

Check her phone if you can. Does she always have it, or does she let it lay around?
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/22 07:55 PM
2

OP, she is having an affair, or emotional attachment to another man..
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/22 05:44 PM
3

OP, are you sure she is really picking up extra shifts and working overtime?
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/22 05:33 PM
2

You're trucking ... Because you want to, or because she spends so much you need that type of pay? She cannot have it both ways. Why are you arguing with her? Just state your terms, listen, and if she continues to argue, just walk away.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/22 02:03 AM
7

It comes and goes for me. If my ex is being a particular vicious witch that day, drop off/pick up can be hard.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/22 01:54 AM
1

Hopefully someone can answer, as I don't use apple products. See if she really did turn down the hotel proposition, or turn off tracking at those times.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/22 01:47 PM
6

Just to nitpick, I would suggest the us of 'content', rather than happy. Happy has been overloaded, and seems to follow the wind nowadays. We, as men, know life ain't like that, but we point to the simple contentment we have.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/22 01:45 PM
6

OP, adults don't just kiss. Did she have location active on her phone? If do, check it. OP, her offer to quit the job is hollow, because if you said she should, then she can blame you for "forcing" her to quit, and call you controlling. OP, if she was serious, and remorseful, she would have already have quit the job, not "offer" to quit. OP, She is not remorseful.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/22 09:54 PM
3

You're right Gattsama regarding the overall battle. You surveyed the battlefield, and are changing your strategy going forward. Society is in serious decline in more than one way. Regards.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/22 08:01 PM
5

Not sure about the laws in your area, but are you sure her current bf can't get pegged for the CS? You realize you'd be the affair partner ...
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 06:51 PM
3

It's a joke. My stbxw's lawyer told her he was optimistic that mediation would work for us. I politely told her, No, I am not interested in mediation. One doesn't mediate with some one who tries to commit suicide thrice in 8 months. I don't even believe the lawyer actually read the file.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 06:43 PM
7

I would have reported her to CPS for that.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 06:39 PM
3

Did you have to go, or was this optional?
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 06:33 PM
0

It's pretty f*cked that your displaying for all the world to see, your white knighting in all its glory. Again, biology buddy, men are capable into their 70s, WOMEN ARE NOT. You are the type of hack that enjoys pushing people into your world perspective. Hint, not everyone is buying. I'm not looking anything up, you do the work, since you are so hot and bothered about it, and be sure they are peer reviewed, and not some dumb*ss's collection of other studies being reviewed by some research assist…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 05:54 PM
1

OMG, you're seriously trying here. I don't want a woman in her 40s, nothing worse on the planet when it comes to entitlement, used up, and only good for pushing paper. I ain't forcing anything on anyone, and that what really bothers you. I have a toddler, and a sole parent, so I don't believe you have any insight to what being a father truly is. Sneaky move, moving the divide, from 30 to 50, than if you were an honest person, the slide would have been 40-50.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 05:42 PM
1

PI is on the list. She's already saying I'm a stalker when I am nowhere near here, lol.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 05:35 PM
1

I did read everything. Moving a child away is not in the child's best interest. Is this some Scandinavian country you are letting her move to? Is you child biracial? If you answer yes to both of those, your child will have a brutal upbringing.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 06:17 AM
0

She could always come back later, and make some obscene CS increase, in order to make up for the lack of alimony. I personally believe you are way too trusting.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 06:11 AM
2

It's not ugly, because you have basically served up your child on a silver platter.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 05:55 AM
0

This is a men's divorce forum, don't let the door hit you *ss on the way out.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 02:23 AM
1

OK, will check into this, thank you. What prevents them from lying though? Do you mean like hire a PI? Our house is in the countryside, so any stranger will stick out like a sore thumb.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 01:40 AM
2

Stay strong bro. That's all I can say. I have my children, so I can only imagine what you are going through.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 01:36 AM
6

Do you mean literally to default the mortgage?
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/22 02:26 PM
27

It's all about the children until it's not. I am living with my mother, in a two bedroom, with the children. My ex is abusive and mentally erratic. She is living in our three bedroom bungalow, with her boyfriend. Court cancelled our hearing to be rescheduled NEXT SPRING. I am paying for everything, and yet she it gaming the system and collecting the children's baby bonus money.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/22 03:21 AM
2

She told you she didn't want children, because you forgave her for the cheating. She was trying to stir up more crap to cause a separation.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/22 02:28 AM
1

Already did adopt, did you? Seriously, did you? No, you didn't. Now take your smart*ss out behind the woodshed for a whooping. Progressed as humans? In what way, no-fault divorce? Give me a break. The chances of a woman conceiving in her 40s is drastically reduced, ala my funding of at least 5 IVF cycles. Not to mention the danger of downs. Men are biologically capable into their 70s, women ain't. You can't argue with biology, and hell no, my time hasn't past. If you want to believe that bs, you…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/22 02:08 AM
1

Awesome, you're set, don't let them forget.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/22 09:21 PM
1

Seriously? You're joking right? It used yo be the norm, and quite frankly, she had her world put together without any of my I put. My ex, on the other hand, had the greatest of appearances, always had to be prim and proper, and had what appeared to be abnormal family. It is amazing how a fallacy can turn into a raging psycho.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/22 09:18 PM
1

Alright, one more better thing the USA has over Canada.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/22 05:59 PM
2

Yes, but you need that to come across in family court, and that is not easy. They are going to say "prove it", and unless you have affidavits proving her negligence, and how great of a parent you are, you are sunk. It was unbelievable how many people refused to write an affidavit for me, knowing the truth, just because they didn't want to get involved.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/22 05:58 PM
1

OP, seriously listen to this. My current gf is 11 years younger than me, and 6 years younger than my ex. Get an attorney asap, go on the offensive.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/22 05:54 PM
1

Is that the case in Indiana? In my area, she can force the sale, even if ex hubby can afford to pay her out.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/22 02:55 AM
3

Sir, this all seems logical, but you have seriously screwed yourself into a corner. I guarantee, she will come after you for sole custody, and force you to sell that house via a court order. You just gave her a staging area to plan her attack, and entertain all her boyfriends.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/22 06:29 PM
3

Exactly, came here to post the same. He just gave her the freedom to openly play with all the men she has already been doing behind his back.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/22 06:27 PM
1

Money, if you can ... Remortgage if you have to.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/22 02:51 PM
2

Yes, both sides. You can tick an option to record every option. I have logged thousands of calls, because my hearing is bad, and sometimes I need to review what was said. I am using a Galaxy S7, so it is a bit slow, but still works good.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/22 02:50 PM
3

The only thing you can do is bribe her, and butter her up. I know, it is gross. My stbxw is extremely emotionally and financially abusive. Stay strong brother.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/22 01:50 AM
2

https://gitlab.com/axet/android-call-recorder
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/22 10:56 PM
4

Yes one can, it depends on the jurisdiction.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/22 10:55 PM
8

Many men get left, even if he is at the top of his game. If the "next best thing" comes along, she has a carnal spirit, and she can "up her game", no matter the carnage, she will.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/22 08:55 PM
3

I think his wife is the one that needs serious mental health intervention, not him.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/22 03:47 PM
3

This thing about YOU needing therapy, and her having visibility into the records? Are you kidding me? I can assure you my stbxw is one level below a complete monster, and has severe psychiatric issues. I had to fight tooth and nail to get her records to be considered as evidence. If it was the other way around, I can assure you your wife would not be so forthcoming.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/22 03:44 PM
2

Has she cheated on you, or disrespected you in some other way?
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/22 01:24 AM
2

Crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/22 01:19 AM
3

Just remember, you are at war now, greyrock her (look it up), and don't back down. You want to aim for 50/50 custody at the very least. Potentially, with her making that much money, she should be paying you alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/22 12:49 AM
3

I thought they had to be there for a year, but I could be wrong. If I am correct, and GA is a "better" place to divorce, file a motion for change of jurisdiction back to GA.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/22 12:43 AM
1

Is GA a "better" jurisdiction for divorce?
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/22 12:34 AM
1

I am asking, because have you even been there for a whole year yet? Are you in the correct divorce jurisdiction?
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/22 12:32 AM
4

Get you lawyer to file an immediate motion to sell the damn house.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/22 12:30 AM
1

How long you been in MS?
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/22 12:30 AM
0

There is no such thing as effective "co-parenting" in an adultery situation, it is only another name for kowtowing. Cheaters are abusers, it is plain and simple. In a situation such as that, there is no room for mercy, restraint, or so called "co-parenting".
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/22 12:29 AM
2

Your lawyer really dropped the ball. You have a lawyer, right?
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/22 12:23 AM
3

Where did she file for divorce? GA or MS? How long have you been in MS?
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/22 12:22 AM
3

I think it can be a bit misconstrued. Say, for example, she says she gonna do the house chores. Most men, through conditioning, will expect the bare minimum, but what if she literally does everything, including putting out the garbage, so you can sleep in. What if she does all this, and doesn't complain? Context: SAHM. Now that is serious action, on top of words.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/22 12:14 AM
6

Are you serious? It's about the adultery. No quarter should be given, not an inch.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/22 01:32 AM
1

It's a nonnegotiable. I like her, but I'm done with the concept. Will give her children, let her move in, but in my jurisdiction, the house cannot be touched. She can leave any time she wants.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/22 09:35 PM
3

Or they did, and hence the change.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/22 09:11 PM
1

ADHD can be a sub-symptom of bipolar and personality disorders.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/22 07:48 PM
1

Maybe it is just terminology. We call it a 'mood stabilizer' around here. If you need/want a classification of what she was taking, post the list and I will tell you. She certainly has emotional lability. I am not a doc, just read the DSM and pharmacology booms almost cover to cover, trying to help my ex.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/22 04:46 PM
2

So you were living with a 'speed addict' for eight years. Sorry you went through that. A mood enhancer? Lol, that's a way to twist things. Lamictal does have anti -depressant properties, but no psych in their right mind would prescribe that if she didn't need it for cycling. There are tons of regular antidepressants to try.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/22 12:46 PM
2

A few months. I have to clarify, flat out told her twice, don't ever ask me about marriage, because the answer is 'no'. Gf has never been married. So she didn't really bring it up, I preempted her ability to do so. As to why twice, I don't know, I think we were talking about someone else getting married. And yes, I know, masking can go on for years.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/22 12:36 PM
12

Sir, she's already banging that coach, there ain't no doubt about it. Have her served. Feel free to show up for all the games.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/22 12:19 AM
19

Lack of infidelity laws, biased rewards in family court, also zero recognition of mental and emotional abuse. Social media, over sexualization of youth, and the almost cultic implementation of the positivity movement have made a quagmire. There is an air of narc about. I will not remarry, I already told my current gf twice. If she brings it up, the answer is no. If she becomes unhappy, I'll help her pack. I've done 14+ tours, won't allow myself into that again. My ex has BPD and bipolar 1. It wa…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/22 07:49 PM
1

So your idea is to drag it out so long that they just give up? I have heard of a spouse being summoned to the court.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/22 02:35 AM
2

I am not even divorced officially, and I had parties for my children and didn't even inform the ex. None of her business. You did the right thing.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/22 02:24 AM
2

OK, but how are you going to prevent a court hearing? The judge will only take your "I'm not prepared" excuse a couple times. I don't get a case taking 8-10 years if someone is placing motions with the court.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/22 03:40 AM
9

Family court has literally zero sense of morality, less so when the mother is the author. Unless she is neglecting your daughter, or directly exposes you child to nudity, there is not much you can do. She will tell the judge you are "controlling her". Let it go, unless you can somehow figure out a way to record her with highly inappropriate imagery within eyeshot of your daughter.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/22 01:47 AM
8

Because it will end up in court, he will get nailed to the wall, and most likely have to pay the maximum for a lot longer.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 05:15 PM
1

Lack of divorce, the man didn't look stressed out of his mind all the time. He led the household.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 02:17 PM
1

Lol
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 02:15 PM
2

Let it lie. She filed, right? She treats everyone like crap, right? Now she's paying consequences.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 03:56 AM
3

Don't rely on that age gap theory too much. The most successful marriages I know of, had age gaps of anywhere from 5-19 years. Personally, I don't think it plays a role either way.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 03:42 AM
2

She is such a hypocrite.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 03:37 AM
3

My ex has two "circle of friends" ... the Christian group that she tries to hoodwink, and her "true self" group (a quasi-christian, bunch of drunks). The divorce rate among evangelicals is higher than the general public. My ex also has a personality disorder. Look, I know of some "unicorns", women that are following Biblical direction, but I know a lot more quasi-christian 304s. The field is full of landmines.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 03:37 AM
5

Total lack of accountability and responsibility. Like mine, she probably put all her self loathing into having a baby, that would make her "happy", and when it didn't, she dropped her mask.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 03:27 AM
1

That's the first verse they chose to ignore. What earthly consequence do they have? Only a few states still have infidelity laws. There is NOTHING that protects you as a man in marriage, the judge can even toss a prenup.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 12:59 AM
2

I live in the communist republic of Ontario, Canada. They take tax filings for the last three years. Some no-fault states must do also, like California or New York?
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 12:44 AM
15

Son, Christian doesn't help, in the cultural Christian attitude. Maybe hardcore Brethren or Amish would help, but that is because the rules are so strict. College educated is actually worse, sorry to say, look at the stats. Nowhere in the Bible does it discuss ANYTHING resembling a marriage license, nowhere. Almost 15 years married, she was supposedly a "Christian, born-again" ... She put her whoring above her children, she abused prescription drugs with alcohol. She even whored with "family fri…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 12:38 AM
3

I would stay for three more years to clear the child support, then file.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/22 08:10 PM
2

The generally go back 3-5 years.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/22 08:08 PM
1

Same here. Mine only started working after I filed.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/22 08:03 PM
2

Did you get your money out of the house? Just walk out, you don't need to say anything to her.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/22 02:04 AM
3

Get her to work, might change her attitude.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/22 01:50 AM
2

Just having to work 7 days a week, and not getting any appreciation for it, are you crazy to go back to that? I am not saying you don't love her, but does she really love you?
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/22 01:50 PM
3

How come no child support? I thought most jurisdictions mandated it. Does she make more money than you?
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/22 12:32 AM
4

So did mine, had 4 on the go, lol.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/22 10:44 PM
6

OP, in my opinion, she's cheating, and might already have seen a lawyer (weird about money). Look up the signs if cheating, if any ring a bell, consult a lawyer. If in an at-fault state, gather evidence.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/22 03:13 AM
2

Three months ... Sir, with all due respect, I suspect she has had resentment that goes back further than three months.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/22 09:57 PM
1

If she crumbles, then you will have to call in mental health checks. After awhile, if she does not improve, you will have to go for full custody. Is there mental illness you are not telling us about?
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/22 09:55 PM
1

Amen to that.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/22 05:07 PM
1

The mirroring during the early years doesn't help either.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/22 02:37 AM
2

$100k per process? No thanks, ain't flying to India either.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/22 01:03 AM
2

Fly solo for awhile, then vet them no tomorrow. Remember, a 304 with attitude is not wife material!
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/22 12:58 AM
2

You are spreading information that will cause men to be marriage destroyed again. It doesn't get better. The laws are horrific. Suggesting anyone pursue a LTR with a marriage license is fool hardy. You do men better by informing them of prenups, trusts, and securing assets. Love language ain't full proof. Any hurt I have, or had, doesn't effect the economics.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/22 09:58 PM
2

Incel, Lol. 15 years married bub, kicked her to the curb this past spring.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/22 08:06 PM
3

Damn right. If she needs to "escape her children" she has a heck if a lot more wrong in the upstairs department. Yes, that 1930s, where wives weren't whining for a weekend away from the children. Friggin entitlement.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/22 05:38 AM
2

First post here that actually has something helpful.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/22 05:28 AM
6

You just gave this man a plan for complete failure. Sorry, this "recharge" balony is just bs. You think people did that in the 1930s? No, they spent time together as a family. If she is complaining about having children, she should have never had them. Kids to the grandparents is good. Take her out to dinner. If this ain't enough, you have a wife acting lime a spoiled teenager.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/22 05:27 AM
5

The cup you are trying to fill has no bottom! Just stop already, file for divorce and pull the 180. Don't chase her, and hire a PI to verify infidelity.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/22 05:19 AM
6

You can do all the love language stuff to a tee, and it all collapses. She wants more dates? What happens if you're broke. What the love language method fails to recognize, is that modern women don't accept accountability, or take responsibility. Happy wife does not mean happy life, it means over limit credit cards.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/22 05:16 AM
7

She might not even be at the parent's place.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/22 05:10 AM
2

Get a 50k line of credit, and go to war. If he goes pro se, he will not survive this. They will cook up abuse allegation against him.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/22 01:00 PM
1

Possibly, unless she is such a loon that she will get section 30 thrown at her. I don't view this type of illness as something to be coddled, I view it as something as highly dangerous to the well being of the children. But let's run with it. If the majority of modern women act like thus in a prepped way, I would suggest they are all personality disorder, which I don't believe is far off the mal, a la narcissistic traits. No 1930s woman would act like this, and if she did, she would be in the lo…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/22 12:56 PM
1

If it is long standing, more likely mental illness.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/22 02:24 AM
11

Sir, you need to pace yourself, you shouldn't be that deflated.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/22 02:02 AM
5

"No spark, no fire" is woman talk. For a logical, stoic man, it is all hyperbole.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 09:06 PM
1

What would be the reconciliation be centred around? Did someone cheat?
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 12:26 PM
4

I keep my ring in the centre console of my truck. I tried to keep wearing it, because I did nothing wrong. One day I was going to put it on, was on a major highway. I had to immediately get to the shoulder of the road, and I vomited for what seemed liked forever. The last time I had vomited was when I was 7 years old. That ring just sits in the centre console as a reminder to never get married again. She was a serial cheater.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 12:12 PM
2

To clear up confusion: in Ontario, Canada, alimony is taxable for the receiver. The giver can declare a deduction.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/22 02:47 AM
5

Prepare for war, don't be complacent. Is the drug paraphernalia her's or your son's? Or is everything contrived?
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/22 04:25 AM
1

Good. Some people even where those body cams.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/22 01:49 AM
3

Got it. Look, I don't have sympathy for what you did, but that explains her viciousness. Now that being said, you don't deserve being trashed, especially in front of children. Honestly, is there an extra room you can make "your room"? Any time she starts in on you, go to that room, and shut the door, lock it. It's a marital home I assume, so don't move out until everything is done.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/22 11:50 PM
5

Don't validate her feelings, not your job. Reason for the divorce? Infidelity?
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/22 04:30 PM
9

Sir, listen, it doesn't matter if she has no place to go, she ain't your wife any longer. Kick her out! The children stay with you.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/22 06:10 PM
15

Hire a PI. Consult the attorney. For God's sake don't move out, stop begging, breaking down, and stop talking to her except logistics about the children.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/22 04:22 PM
2

Get a court order if you have to, sheriff, WHATEVER! Get her removed pronto.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/22 03:42 PM
6

Child support is not optional. Go for as much custody as you want, and remain firm. She will owe you alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/22 06:10 PM
4

Tell the mediator to pound salt. Give them one more chance, and if it's another circus, walk out.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/22 01:45 AM
4

Because they have a side-piece OP. She was probably riding her 'friend' and you had no idea. That's how she moved on so easy.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/22 08:30 PM
11

He can wear the bottoms tomorrow ;)
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/22 02:12 AM
2

Read commentary on it, but it loosely means what you believe it does.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/22 01:10 PM
11

Bingo!
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/22 02:20 AM
3

Sir, heed this man's advice. Secure the hatches, prepare for war. Get the best lawyer you can, get a line of credit if you have to. File emergency motions before she files a RO against you. Her pulling the children out of their school, and enrolling them to another is highly frowned upon by family court. Your situation is already extremely bad, do not think otherwise. She is already spreading false allegations. She will go for sole custody, look at her actions; saying you are a drug addict. Give…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/22 12:20 PM
13

Heck yes, take her to court!
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/22 01:58 AM
17

Are you legally separated? I think your gut is right, she was committing adultery.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/22 02:52 AM
2

I don't know brother, besides what you mentioned. I believe I am at sort of forgivable stage, but I surely won't forget. Personally, I am more angry regarding how this affects my children more than me.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/22 02:11 AM
3

I got both. In the current system, there are very few, to no consequences for infidelity. If there were, my opinion may change. On top of that, judges rarely chastise anyone for making false allegations.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/22 01:19 AM
7

Some things are forgivable, but not forgettable. Infidelity is unforgivable.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/22 12:54 AM
3

The entitlement exists for sure. My ex went to our local govt service branch, and changed her marital status, and neglected to tell them she doesn't have custody if our children. They dropped a $4500 cheque in our joint account, which she proceeded in taking the majority of. It is our version of a baby bonus. I predict after she is found out, the govt will claw it all back, will see.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/22 02:08 PM
3

Before it was removed from DSM, there used to be a diagnosis of borderlines-schizo. Personally, I don't think it should have been removed, as my ex fits it perfectly.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/22 01:59 PM
2

Do not force a child of that age. Why did the divorce occur, adultery? If you force him, he will forever hate you.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/22 01:03 PM
1

Whatever you do, don't move with her. That is a command and control maneuver by her.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/22 06:59 PM
2

I though you were going to say, "My marriage wasn't great, but Trump was.". Lol, my mind spirals sometimes.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/22 06:57 PM
1

That's a bit of a stretch bro. Lori obviously had some degree of mental illness to begin with.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/22 06:51 PM
1

Did she leave the child in your care? Were there red flags before the baby?
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/22 05:50 PM
2

She was the cheater bud, that was pure projection.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/22 05:05 PM
5

How many of you would say your ex had a specific level of mental illness? I am in a rare situation that my father was 19 years older than my mother. I had exposure to women that were born before 1910. During that time, I only knew one trainwreck of a woman, and she was shamed for it. Our current society is breeding mental illness in women. The light switch effect is a hallmark of a borderline trait.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/22 05:00 PM
1

How did you end up proving it?
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/22 06:40 PM
2

It all depends on who the favourite person becomes, and it can indeed become one of the children. When I was out of the house, even just to work, my eldest got all her wrath.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/22 05:26 PM
1

Does she have a diagnosed mental illness?
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/22 12:53 PM
11

Absolutely, OP should not be concerned about looking at his spouse's phone is she gave him suspicion to. OP, your wife and her friends have no true idea what a 'toxic' relationship is. My maternal grandmother had the sh*t beat out of her on the regular when dumbass granddad started drinking. Now, THAT is a 'toxic' relationship. She separated at one point, but he quit drinking, they were still married and living together when they both died. I would have supported her leaving his backside for goo…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/22 12:35 PM
2

Rewrite the family court rules for him, and I am SURE he would have a change of heart. Trying to underhandedly tag him an incel is ridiculous, considering he has a daughter. Protecting his child, and his grind, are/should be his number one priority. From what he has written, I get the vibe they are.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/22 07:36 PM
5

What is wild, up to recently, only single women were approved to attain a surrogate. Men were excluded carte Blanche for no other reason than being male.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/22 07:29 PM
1

She's a cheater, alcoholic, and 420 addict. Now that is a bit clearer.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/22 05:56 PM
2

Mine, to my amazement, started working. She is entitled to disability, but will not apply for it. She is extremely mentally unwell, but believes if she applies for disability, then I will use it against her for custody. She is qualified, on paper, to work a high paying, high stress job, but doesn't want to. She recently complained she didn't have enough money for rent. I was thinking, this is just so dumb. BTW, I have a screenshot of her chat saying all this.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/22 09:26 PM
2

How would she convert premarital assets to marital assets? Prenup?
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/22 09:17 PM
3

That being said, if infidelity can be proven, they should receive $0 for alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/22 09:14 PM
10

Then why wasn't she on disability, eh? Glad it didn't work with the judge.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/22 09:10 PM
2

I just find it so crazy the courts would do that with no children involved. There is zero incentive for your ex to do anything.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/22 02:18 PM
12

Don't buy the "not happy" ... OP, there is no way you can make someone happy. Grown apart, she has a 50% part on that.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/22 09:02 PM
1

Was this huge alimony ordered by the court?
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/22 08:22 PM
2

Undiagnosed autism can be a code word for BPD. If she had trauma as a child, that counselor should be looking for BPD.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/22 01:00 AM
3

Relive their youth in their 40s, what a joke. They should be hunkering down and planning for retirement.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/22 12:58 AM
5

Not even religious. For example, there is no mention of a 'marriage license' in the Bible. Marriage yes, but no marriage license. Biblically speaking, it was just making a commitment to one another under God.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/22 11:49 PM
2

OK, so a few hours twice a week is completely unacceptable in my opinion. Is this in person, or video call? Is she diagnosed with any mental illness or personality disorders?
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/22 12:39 AM
3

OMG, do no harm, eh?
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/22 12:29 AM
6

She will just make up some wild accusation, it won't be classified as absconded in my opinion. I am surprised she hasn't filed a TRO against you. Does she allow video calls, or supervised visitation of any sort? Absconded is rarely pursued, unless she leaves the country, or province.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/22 12:28 AM
4

Mine used sleeping pills, ativan, and antipsychotics at high doses. Guess what! Doctor still prescribes the ativan and sleeping pills at month supplies. Pills are more important than our children. Why the h*ck do doctors keep prescribing these pills after multiple over doses and suicide attempts? I have lost a lot of respect for my ex's doctor.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/22 08:56 PM
1

Honestly, I preferred the look of my stbxw after pregnancy, to what she looks like now ... I.e. a sick looking individual, that looks like a rail. Never once complained about how she looked, because she always looked healthy. She was the one that made the decisions that she would rather be sickly thin and psycho, than healthy looking, and be in her right mind.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/22 06:01 PM
3

What kind of pills?
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/22 05:54 PM
1

Your ex is BPD, her new lover sounds like a narc, I.e. demands praise, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/22 12:51 PM
2

Good, wait a bit, document/PI, then file contempt charges.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/22 12:47 PM
1

Holy smokes man, she moved this person in already? Are you paying alimony?
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/22 12:11 AM
1

I think that comes from the lawyers they hire. It's do vague, and doesn't require proof of anything.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/22 06:43 PM
1

Jeez, I had nightmares during the marriage that she would attack me, or one of the children in our sleep. Now that we are out, I sleep much better. If anything, it is a nightmare about her getting any custody of the children.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/22 05:53 PM
5

OP, check the phone, and take pictures of any evidence you find.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/22 01:03 PM
8

I'd bet dollars and donuts, there is someone else involved. The whole "emotionally unavailable" diatribe is a red flag concerning this.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/22 12:57 PM
7

You realize this is a men's support forum, right? I am in a similar boat you are, emotional and financial abused for 15 by her. Turns out she is also a serial cheater. Of approx. the 20% of divorces that are filed by men, 15% are for infidelity.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/22 10:42 PM
3

Hire a PI.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/22 10:38 PM
2

I would suspect her mother is Cluster B as well, given the drive to file false allegations.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/22 07:50 PM
3

This is what happens when advice is so heavenly bound, that it is no earthly good. Holding "frame" is bullcrap long term. What happens if one is debilitated? Can't hold "frame" any longer, opps ... Must be OP's fault he got cancer, Parkinson's, whatever. RP "frame" theory is trying to rationalize modern women's behaviour against old society's reference, by saying everyone in old society had the same issues. They didn't. There was a ceiling to most women's irrational behaviour, and most women's h…
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/22 06:37 PM
3

It happens all the time. My stbxw prevented my children from seeing my side of the family.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/22 02:20 AM
3

Good, I am happy you do. I am in a similar situation. Mine has severe mental illness, and she and her lawyer are trying to hide all evidence of her mental illness, luckily I took pictures of the hospital papers, etc. Even her doctor is trying to cover everything up. All these dimwits say they are about the best interest of the children, until they are not.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/22 02:15 AM
5

Same here, biding my time.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/22 02:11 AM
2

Play amicable until the divorce is done, then go scorched earth, give no mercy when executing said plan.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/22 01:07 AM
5

I hope you have evidence to back your claims, because it is going to be war.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/22 12:57 AM
2

He can move the son in with him, she's a freaking alcoholic, she is unfit.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/22 08:39 PM
4

In this case, side house, main house, I don't see a difference. He still pays the mortgages, and it is on the same property. It is not like he is across town.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/22 08:08 PM
1

Correct, it is a load of garbage, to shirk their responsibility. Love is a decision, not an emotion. The reality of the matter is, there is not consequences to their behaviour. Therefore they'd rather throw it all away, shirk their responsibility, and ride the 304 bus.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/22 03:16 PM
2

There is no love without respect.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/22 02:49 PM
1

Or a man to choose to no longer play along.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/22 02:01 AM
1

The man doesn't even have to change, it could be her changing, or a perceived change.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/22 09:21 PM
1

Send her a singing telegram stripper with the last cheque.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/22 04:01 PM
3

Spirit of Jezebel.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/22 11:55 AM
3

I understand your line of thinking, and strategically I might do the same. The only issue is that she will never give a damn, especially with Mr. Norway giving her a tickle. Mine said she was a evangelical christian, only took her eight months to completely obliterate her "testimony". Are you sure there is no agreement between Norway and the UK for child support?
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/22 11:04 PM
1

Similar to mine. I don't believe they admit anything to their therapist, or they minimize it, otherwise CPS would be called.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/22 07:42 PM
1

And I forgot, she drives him everywhere, no car!
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/22 07:39 PM
4

My stbxw threatened to take the children back to her home country as well. No way in hell that was going to happen. She did the same when I was sick, suffering from nerve damage. Turns out she was cheating as well. OP, I suggest you mount an offensive, fire all cannons, hold nothing back, give no quarter. You force her to live in the UK. You get it specified in the decree that she isn't allowed to leave the country with them. You make her life difficult. Once all is said and done, crack open you…
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/22 07:32 PM
6

My stbxw must be yours! Her choice de jour is a jobless, chain smoking, borderline alcoholic. And I don't use this term lightly, he is a true 'deadbeat dad'. BTW, lives in his parent's basement! Ding, ding, ding! FYI, she's in her fourties!
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/22 01:21 PM
1

Has she ever hit your child? You're going to have to lawyer up and fight like hell, grant no quarter.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/22 03:56 AM
2

Reason for divorce?
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/22 03:05 AM
3

Unreal, they wanted you to pay it. LOL, that is so classic looney. You're a boss for dropping the hammer.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/22 10:52 PM
3

The audacity, must have a barrow of screws loose.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/22 07:26 PM
5

Do you have those threats recorded, or in text?
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/22 02:47 PM
1

All depends on CoL in your area.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/22 11:19 PM
3

Marital debt, eh? Were you in the car with her? Lol
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/22 11:18 PM
1

Maybe the mods could sticky your reply? Then you could just point to it every time.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/22 12:50 PM
1

That was a whole lot of nothing written there.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/22 12:12 AM
1

No, it is binary. No one prevented her from filing for divorce. The lack of shaming also contributes to it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/22 02:12 PM
8

If she is hitting you, there is no chance this will be amicable. My stbxw has bipolar, and borderline personality disorder, except in court, she doesn't. She abused the heck out of our eldest, but magically, that never happened. She abused me emotionally and financially, but hey, never happened. According to her lawyer, I am an emotional, financial, and physical abuser ... Go figure.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/22 01:23 AM
5

It is, some jurisdictions believe it is for the best interest of the child. If the baby if born during wedlock, no matter who the biological father is, the husband can be nailed with child support.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/22 09:44 PM
2

What is unbearable about living with her? Do what your lawyer tells you, to avoid her flipping the script.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/22 03:06 PM
26

Talk to a lawyer stat. Depending on your jurisdiction, you could be liable for the baby if still married to her.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/22 03:02 PM
0

Her messing around has nothing to do with anything you did, or didn't do. It is a character flaw on her part.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/22 02:59 PM
2

With respect to the rage, what was the main trigger? Stress, overworked, mental illness, or her not appreciating your efforts? "Rage" is the go to reason. When someone says, "You xxxx ALL THE TIME", or " You do xxxx everyday", it is a lie. It is a hallmark of distortion, and gas lighting. No one does something all the time, or every day.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/22 02:58 PM
2

This is not necessarily true. I am one year in, and because of lack of response from ex's side, practically nothing has been accomplished. Lawyers also recommend NOT moving out, or the ex can file for abandonment. OP, ask him for a copy of his divorce filing.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/22 03:18 PM
3

This is not necessarily true. I am one year in, and because of lack of response from ex's side, practically nothing has been accomplished. Lawyers also recommend NOT moving out, or the ex can file for abandonment. OP, ask him for a copy of his divorce filing.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/22 03:16 PM
4

Imagine what the children will say at her funeral. Dear Mother decided free time, and money, was more important than us. May her soul never rest.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/22 09:24 PM
2

But the children are staying at your place five nights a week. Are you going to go for more custody in a few years?
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/22 09:22 PM
1

Is the deal on the house closed? If not, break the contract, and pay the penalty. Talk to your lawyer if this is possible.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/22 08:27 PM
2

In lieu of child support? That is unlikely to pass a judge's sniff test. Maybe in lieu of alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/22 05:51 PM
3

So your wife gave up the time with the children for money? Wow.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/22 03:55 PM
13

Any woman considers a man emotional unavailable, it's the nature of the beast.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/22 12:56 AM
0

Have her committed. She is threatening suicide.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/22 01:56 AM
4

Call the police. Do you have that threat recorded?
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/22 12:26 AM
2

What was the trap details? Delaying the inevitable, or was she going to file as the petitioner when you dropped yours?
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/22 12:00 AM
3

Keep the throttle to the metal. She has controlled you for so long, she is continuing to do so. There is no reason another round of counseling cannot be done while the divorce is still filed. I do not believe she has intention to reconcile. I would not be surprised if she hasn't already readied a divorce application for when you drop yours.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/22 11:59 PM
1

That is all vexatious bs, don't answer any of it. Let your lawyer handle it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/22 07:45 PM
2

In my opinion, she wants them in all these extracurricular activities to avoid having to doing parenting as much as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/22 03:13 PM
3

Sir, I only recommend you mention her adultery in your petition to the court, then it is part of the public record. Don't make social media posts. If you had evidence, I would recommend scorched earth, but you don't. Though I agree with generalities mentioned by the RP community, I do not believe in the source of it all. Churches no longer shame her type of behaviour, infidelity laws are at the wayside, and society is hedonistic. There is something to the oft misattributed saying, "Evil triumphs…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/22 01:05 PM
5

Does she have any official diagnosis? Has she seen a psychiatrist in the past? Ignore that comment by that woman with regard to you interrupting, she is clueless. That said, don't call your ex, or interrupt her if somehow you get in a conversation. You are JADE'ing, and you need to stop (justify, argue, defend, explain). When you are abused for a long time, you can develop reactive behaviours, put a tight leash on yourself. As others have said, record everything if you are anyway near her. Your …
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/22 09:22 AM
1

You had a lawyer?
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/22 12:56 AM
1

The issue is, one of us generally ends up being a caretaker. She knew about your epilepsy going in, right? I don't really think fairness should be a factor, sh*t happens, and as you know, people get sick. Also a contributing factor to my divorce, though I filed first. I have chronic pain, from injuries, at least we first thought so. I went to specialists, and they generally did nothing, since there is such a drastic stigma in prescribing opiates at this point. Out of happenstance, I was prescrib…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/22 12:43 AM
4

Canada and UK are bad as well.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/22 12:11 AM
8

One point I wish to bring up is, no matter how self reliant one is, sometimes health brings us down, no matter how healthy we thought we were. I have heard of numerous times of a wife leaving when her husband got sick, because she didn't want that responsibility.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 11:46 PM
2

Correct. There is not even a religious reason for a marriage license. Marriage, yes, but signing a marriage license? Show me where that is in any religious script. It isn't there. With the eradication of infidelity laws, there are no longer any checks and balances as well.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 11:06 PM
2

I tend to agree. It is sad we have to tell our sons about this evil. I even put my stbxw through school to certify her European credentials for North America. How the heck can the courts not take this into account? It is not like we can force them to work.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 07:47 PM
2

Mine quit out on disability, and when that expired, never followed up with state programs. Magically she is SAHM in the eyes of family court.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 05:39 PM
14

Can we get two points for marrying someone who was mentally ill?
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 05:37 PM
1

I suspect postpartum. If she already has mental illness of some sort, there is a possibility of her being in psychosis. That said, you cannot force people to seek treatment. Like the others have said, get evidence, and file for protective order, and divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 04:11 PM
1

It is hard to undo society's brainwashing. I am happy my father has passed, so he didn't have to witness two of his sons going through divorce. He was both n in '33, so the whole concept of divorce would have been hard for him to grasp.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 03:26 PM
19

This new woman is mirroring your interests to reel you in.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 12:17 AM
1

You think they would learn from experience, no? Mine rejected all her morals and stable life, to following in her mother's ways. Mother was a serial cheater, alcoholic, and prescription drug abuser. So sickening.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/22 08:09 PM
3

Isn't is disgusting how they spend the money on their bf, instead of the children? If a man was doing similar with a post-divorce gf, I am sure his family would admonish him, and question if his then gf is dating him for money.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/22 03:21 PM
2

You're going to need something, like recordings, or chat logs to get custody. It is an uphill battle to say the least. I am in Canada, so I suspect our family law courts are similar. My ex has professional eval, and it is still an uphill battle. GodSpeed my Commonwealth brother.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/22 05:57 PM
1

OK, whew. You have me shades of fear. My sibling is a police officer, and was married to a nutjob. He literally slept in the basement with doors locked, because he was scared she would knife him in his sleep. Not enough evidence to get a PO.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/22 05:54 PM
1

I asked that, because you stated she might kill you some day. Was that an exaggeration, or does she have s propensity for violence? Custody is a difficult process. If only the courts actually saw what happens behind closed doors.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/22 02:08 PM
3

There are private services in some jurisdictions, that are certified for providing the same derives as a state run institution, but don't necessarily have to follow all the same policies, I.e. vax mandates
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/22 02:03 PM
2

Has she been evaluated by a professional? Was she always like this, or did this start after the birth?
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/22 01:21 PM
3

Hire private supervision without a mandate?
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/22 01:13 PM
2

Almost 15 years married. I'm in my late fourties, with two children. She literally chose insanity over her family.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/22 11:33 PM
1

Were you able to obtain 100% legal and physical custody?
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/22 08:16 PM
1

This is what I always feared, and why I never gave in to moving to my stbxw's home country. I could see myself dying in a ditch somewhere, because of the caustic attitude towards hiring foreigners. You are even past the one year habitual residence for filing divorce there. I am sorry to say, but you are in a hellish situation. What happens if you divorce there? Would you lose your residence permit?
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/22 02:05 AM
1

True, same up here, bit once you file, at least the financials are frozen. That is a huge thing to consider.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/22 12:56 AM
8

Your lawyer should be challenging that TRO based on the fact you called the police on her. Did you get a police report of that incident?
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/22 12:45 AM
7

Why are you not seeking an annulment? She married you under false pretenses.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/22 11:56 PM
4

Call the lawyer as if it was yesterday. Honestly, you wasted six weeks on this. Have her served, and fast. Do not leave the home, record everything, and do not allow her to take your son.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/22 07:29 PM
5

How about she pack some of your stuff up, and give to your friend, or give a list to the friend?
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/22 06:14 PM
1

And this is exactly the game plan when dealing with a cheating spouse. She chose her AP over her own children, so she suffers the consequences of completely blowing up their world.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/22 02:14 PM
5

What was the premise for you not having 50/50 in the first place?
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/22 06:05 PM
8

The dog is the starting point. She is basically calling you abusive by proxy. I hope you have consulted a lawyer, because you might get all this "done" and then she decides she doesn't agree with any of it. She isn't your friend, don't act like she is.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/22 02:46 AM
3

I understand, mine is the same, complete circus show.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/22 03:36 PM
2

Word it differently. She might be a grown adult, but she took advantage of her husband's gracious heart, and used him. If she fails on her own, he will use it to his benefit.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/22 12:47 PM
10

BPDs view their children as trophies, at least my stbxw does.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/22 02:45 AM
4

Doesn't matter why she derailed. I suspect she in a bipolar psychosis, but proving that will be difficult. Read up on it, might give you some answers.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/22 01:11 AM
3

It is a shop of damaged goods, that's for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/22 12:53 AM
1

Hey your own room, or don't go.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/22 12:22 AM
1

OP, there are control questions through out the evaluation, or should be. These control question are designed to catch people with personality issues.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/22 12:40 PM
1

He should take her back to court, that judge didn't show the best interest of the children. I would have immediately called the police, and got the police report.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/22 12:38 PM
2

That's right. He has a serial cheater on his hands, which is why he accused him of cheating. Pure projection. OP, get a lawyer, file for divorce, and if the children are always with you, file abandonment against her.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/22 12:29 PM
2

"Marry" is a loaded word though. Married before God is the idea, nothing in the Bible about a marriage license.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/22 02:04 AM
2

Wow, you have a crappy family!
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/22 01:22 AM
3

Good Lord, heck no, your family needs to cut all ties with her. Them being in contact with her is legitimatizing her affairs.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/22 04:56 PM
3

What were the premise of the divorce? Cheating? Feel out of love? Somehow incompatible? Debt?
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/22 03:44 PM
2

Was she hoping for a reconciliation, or was she just stirring up dirt?
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/22 12:39 AM
5

The poisoning is a thing. My stbxw accused me of poisoning our eldest, when I had done no such thing. Low and behold, my 25-month old toddler climbs into the bed this morning, and clear as day says to me, "Dad-dy, are you mad at mom-ma?". What toddler does that? He can barely talk. He must have heard that phrase quite a few times to be able to ask me that.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 05:54 PM
1

Get a handle on any snapping on your part, and start to gray rock her. Literally do not engage her at all, be as boring as possible. You might want to start recording. I wish I had recorded more.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 05:38 PM
2

If you can before divorce, it is beneficial.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 03:52 PM
2

Are you fighting as well, or is this all one sided?
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 02:17 PM
1

He really has nothing on his wife. She has been a good mother, and for all intents and purposes, an acceptable spouse. Family court is a circus show. Act accordingly.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 11:18 AM
1

Well, I live in the Commonwealth, so I doubt our numbers are much different.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 04:07 AM
3

Don't count on it, stranger things have happened. My stbxw has done all this, and I also do not believe our youngest is biologically mine. Though she has been an unstable mess for 14 years, all of a sudden, her pdoc says she is stable, and the courts will most likely give her the benefit of a doubt.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 02:57 AM
5

Would they accept the decree in WV?
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 02:39 AM
2

Lawyer up, and check if an annulment is possible.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 01:26 AM
8

As an anecdotal story. I know this woman whom presents as very pious. The truth of the matter is, both of her ex-husbands have very similar stories. The first red flag was, the day after getting married, she told them that her goal was to legally separate from them. She has been diagnosed with BPD.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/22 11:53 AM
4

Get a lawyer sir. By her stonewalling shows her actual intent. You already have talked about this, serving her will not cause additional stress on her. Have her served.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/22 11:34 AM
3

In your jurisdiction, is there an office of the children's lawyer, or something similar? Please check into this, and get the child his own lawyer. If not so already, get medicals for the father proving he is indeed disabled.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/22 11:18 AM
1

My stbxw had severe post-partum. I believe she entered a psychosis, and never came out. She lies about everything and anything now, even some things. It really is disturbing.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/22 11:12 AM
2

This is similar to how my stbxw acted.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/22 01:31 PM
1

How does her depression manifest? Does she threaten suicide? Does she work?
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/22 05:27 AM
1

No, it's a risk.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/22 01:29 PM
2

If she doesn't relent, you need to seek urgent counsel with the courts. Do not let her set this precedent. Take a line if credit if you need to. My opinion is she started the argument to set you up.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/22 01:42 AM
1

It seems really petty to do it that way. I mean, you are literally doubling a budget. Is this really how people do this?
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/22 12:19 AM
3

Do you have a lawyer?
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/22 11:37 PM
8

He needs to get a lawyer. Spousal support should be minimal, but he is going to lose 50% of marital assets.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/22 11:33 AM
5

Isn't that friggin' stupid? You get to fund her drug abuse!
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/22 02:17 AM
5

Something has to be done about infidelity with respect to alimony. It is immoral.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/22 02:11 AM
11

This idea that child's feelings are going to be 50/50 is a fallacy. My stbxw has severe mental illness, and became a serial cheater. She entered some form of psychosis, and never came out. My son figured it all out, because she is sloppy. He hates her now. She accused me of poisoning him. I don't need to say anything to him, she has ready done enough to ensure his bad view of her. He acts like he likes her when she is around, but tends to ignore her during visitations, and rips her a new one eve…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/22 01:01 AM
1

So you pick out the one scenario I listed, what about the others? I am not devaluing your abuse, you suffered and I am sorry you did. It wasn't right, and should not have happened. Why did I put that sarcastic comment in there? Because it is the same false allegation my stbxw leveled against me. She also said I was financially abusive, yet for some reason her pension is intact, yet $169k of mine went up in smoke. She said I would force her into the hospital, otherwise I'd take the children from …
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 08:47 PM
0

I believe most what RP preaches, but not the root cause. I do not believe it is intrinsic female nature, that we see in today's female frame. I personally believe it is a product of society. If we look back in time, things were seriously different, and there were a lot less family disruptions. Current day? Look at Amish/Mennonite communities to see something drastically different to mainstream society.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 05:50 PM
3

I have. My male friend group is about 5 men. I know three divorced women, one custody situation. Case one, 50/50 on everything, she made false allegations, without any evidence, and got the children full time. I know the allegations were false, because she could never quantify the abuse, and allows just said, "He was angry ALL THE TIME.". Sure he was ... Case two, both professionals, both love their children, looks like she will slaughter him in court on all fronts, he is a husk of his former se…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 01:30 PM
1

They can be removed if abuse is involved, which is the route she is taking. No family law court will fault her for that if it was true. In this case, it is not, but he needs to prove otherwise. Broken system.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 01:19 PM
2

Take a line of credit if you have to.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 01:15 PM
2

So I agree with this as a whole, especially for spiteful things. OTOH, I am familiar with a case, where the mother is an alcoholic. The CPS ended up writing an endorsement for the father, and supporting him in court.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 12:36 PM
3

No one said they were. In your case, I believe you should wring him for every cent he is worth, and charge him if at all possible. I know about abuse, I was married to someone who was diagnosed bipolar1 comorbid with borderline personality disorder. I have presented irrefutable facts regarding this, and yet I am being plastered with false allegations (provable). My ex hasn't been censured once for the outright lies she propagates, yet I have to counter every single one of them.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 02:59 AM
3

Well, that myth is exactly what would happen to me, if my ex didn't have severe mental health issues, and thus isn't allowed to have the children beyond visitation. I still have to pay her alimony, even though I cover all costs of the children, and she QUIT her job, and refused to apply for disability, because she was too embarrassed. Every single man in my friend group that has been divorced has pretty well lined up with the "myth", I only know one that was able to get a true 50/50 split. In th…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 02:55 AM
3

How do you square the man being destitute because the alimony and child support are so high, that after rent, he literally has nothing left for food or gasoline? There are countless stories on reddit about this happening, and all because she got "bored". There should not be the expectation of standard of life being maintained after a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 12:41 AM
2

Alimony is abused on so many levels. It's not like one can force a spouse to work, or apply for disability, so in the eyes of family law, they have become a SAHM. This is used to their advantage.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/22 10:32 PM
2

I just reread the post, she gets drunk every night. Holy Smokes, that in itself is enough to call CPS.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/22 10:18 PM
4

Get your own lawyer, or call CPS.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/22 12:49 PM
1

If it is bad, you might need to call CPS on her, that is my leaning.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/22 12:48 PM
2

The partying though?
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/22 02:07 AM
3

Is she neglectful? When she is partying, is this happening with you and your sister in the house?
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/22 01:20 AM
5

Does your mom have full custody, or is it 50/50?
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/22 10:14 PM
2

Yes, I have hired a licensed appraiser to get a proper valuation. Thanks for your reply.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/22 07:51 PM
1

Yes, prepare asap, before she broadsides you with a TRO, and you have to fight that as well. File first. Read up on the red flags of cheating to prepare, just in case.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/22 01:39 PM
5

Lawyer up sir, and give no quarter.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/22 11:55 AM
5

Right on brother. My stbxw tried to force the mediator route, and I thought "Hell no". This is especially true when a stbxw has mental health issues, or the all pervasive entitlement syndrome.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/22 11:55 AM
1

Good Lord sir, have you even talked with a lawyer yet? You need to YESTERDAY! If not, why on earth did you bring up divorce to your wife? Us she a cheater? Are you the cheater? You left out so many details.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/22 11:46 AM
3

Exactly, file now, as in yesterday. Give ZERO permission for relocation. Take no quarter, and take out a line of credit for lawyer if needed. Your children need their father, don't let her erase you.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/22 04:07 PM
2

Thank the Almighty you've become wise enough to spot manipulations such as you described. It really is disappointing it has come to that point.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/22 02:03 AM
1

It is something they didn't at least give you a letter. They must have something in a file somewhere. They really dropped the ball.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/22 07:16 PM
1

I know the type. What about CPS getting involved, and submitting an opinion?
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/22 07:01 PM
3

Get it to court, you will end up spending more over time if you do not.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/22 06:49 PM
1

Oh, she ain't rationale by any means. Getting a real estate opinion without divulging the the property deficiencies kind if proves that.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/22 02:46 PM
1

OK, I guess that is my main point. You agree there needs to be a price reduction.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/22 12:18 PM
1

You're a boss, good job sir!
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/22 11:50 AM
1

You had receipts for things, or how did you prove it?
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/22 11:39 AM
3

OP, that is what your stbxw is trying to do, she is trying to paint you as a disinterested, and unreliable father. Do not comply.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/22 11:36 AM
2

Yeah, I don't know the ins and outs of it, but three quotes deal with it. Really, my point is, her side never disclosed these property deficiencies to the realtor that gave their price. There are also problem with the well. I have to check, maybe I am combining the cost of both jobs. Can't list it for $850k, when the realtor's suggested price didn't take these deficiencies into account.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/22 01:37 AM
1

Heat pump, in ground, very large older house/BTU requirement. They need to dig up the whole back yard. Not in the US, so those programs do not exist. Any money back mortgages only dole out $25k around here.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/22 01:24 AM
1

My stbxw almost got caught in a dragnet, or she did, but they didn't arrest her. God I was praying she would get arrested, no luck though :)
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/22 12:50 AM
15

Carry on, nothing to see here. That should be your motto.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/22 12:14 AM
1

I have managed to retain a lawyer in her home country, and will force an appraisal of her father's house, in order to determine how much her partial ownership amounts to. If she doesn't cave on the house, then I will bring it all down.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/22 07:01 AM
1

Deadbeat dad, unemployed, chain smoking, borderline alcoholic. Lives with his parents when he is not living in my house, while me and the children are technically homeless.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/22 04:27 AM
2

Welcome to the club sir, seems to be a growing trend for some reason.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/22 04:00 AM
1

Feel free to decimate the finances in return with legal fees. The dumb lawyers enable these women to stupid levels. Feel free to employ #ScorchedEarth
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/22 03:59 AM
3

It wasn't your problems though, as you working on things didn't change things in her life. Total deflection.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/22 10:26 PM
2

Good Lord, well there's the issue. She triangulates the boys for her own pleasure. It is kind of too late to storm the gates of hell, therapy for the boy's perhaps, and they both move in with you when 18? You know why she wants them alternating, it is so she can degrade them without a witness.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/22 05:35 PM
2

Society's morals have certainly gone down hill, my stbxw was a serial cheater as well.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/22 04:27 PM
2

Were you legally is separated, or one of these "temporary" separations? Were the funds generate pre or-post separation? Once you answer this, talk to your lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/22 12:14 PM
1

Thank you sir.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/22 12:00 PM
1

What is your ex diagnosed with? It seems to me that she is the problem, not the boys.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/22 11:59 AM
1

This is great, I thought the same. If she is great, you will probably live longer, otherwise you won't have long to suffer.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/22 11:52 AM
3

Understood, though my lawyer is saying similar. I can't understand though, a judge not forcing the sale to me, given the impact on our son. That said, I have a line on two lawyer firms in her home country, and am going after the house she partially owns. If she wants to play hardball, well, she is messing with the wrong man.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/22 11:46 AM
4

You can petition to prevent the move.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/22 12:16 AM
7

It will be amicable until custody is discussed.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/22 02:27 PM
3

It really is gross. They need to enact some kind of CS card, that go only be used for grocery bought food, clothes and toys. It really bothers me that an ex can basically lie to a judge without impunity.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/22 01:00 PM
1

How are you keeping track? Mine has her own bank account. I guess mine has a 'paramour', and she hide him for so long, until their narc tendencies had them vblog their entire lives online. I am going for 100% custody due to her mental illness. Taking no quarter.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/22 12:58 PM
5

Wow, talk about a gross thing to do. The entitlement in and of itself is boggling.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/22 12:42 AM
4

My grandfather loved horses, it gave me an admiration for those creatures. Maybe some day I'll have one.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/22 12:40 AM
1

It wasn't the problem, she is. This reeks of infidelity, are you positive there is none? I doubt she ever left post partum, she could be in a psychosis.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/22 12:20 AM
3

Is there not a concept of financial separation in your jurisdiction? If you already filed, why are you responsible for her new debt?
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/22 12:09 AM
11

My stbxw spends all the money she has on her boyfriend. Hardly spends anything on the children. Only bought one box of diapers. Really is unbelievable, that they will fight for custody, but don't spend a dime on their own children.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/22 10:41 PM
4

Wow, ain't that sneaky!
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/22 10:39 PM
7

The idea of sitting on the deck, with my coffee, on a crisp morning, soothes my thoughts like no other. Peace of mind is definitely underrated.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/22 10:37 PM
14

Document for sure. Call a lawyer like yesterday.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/22 09:14 PM
1

I see. I hope you are correct. I can buy her out, much to her chagrin. In any event, I will still gather expert medical testimony with regards to my eldest, so that if it comes down to losing the house for some crazy reason, at least she will have had to sit and listen to what she is actually doing to our eldest.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/22 09:11 PM
1

In my jurisdiction, it is all public record, everything. This is why people that are unfit, will do anything to prevent their records from being subpoenaed; especially teachers, nurses, child care works ...
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/22 11:33 AM
1

Bingo, this is the correct mentality. If at 50! she thinks the grass is greener, then holy Hanna, there is nothing that van be fixes. OP, she knew you going in, so I don't believe this was triiger by your issues. Seek individual counseling, and file yesterday!
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/22 03:43 AM
1

Is it a visitation, and you have 100% custody, or you have joint custody? What does your custody agreement say?
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/22 02:16 AM
2

The life for me and the children would have been much more tumultuous, that is for sure. You speak clarity. Especially with a mentally abusive spouse, and the chance of more abuse occurring within the household.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/22 12:49 AM
1

Yes, I am a regular on that forum. There is nothing left, so can't any longer, sad laugh. I have a lawyer, she is measured, and let's nothing go.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/22 06:23 PM
1

My child is under 18. If he was ever questioned by the judge, she would be sunk. I have letters and affidavits of support from individuals, etc. I have letters from my child's doctors. The only "evidence" I could provide are text messages showing I have gone above and beyond from here. I will start a journal. If you mean something else, I am insure how I would prove a negative. Her response reads like a hearing affidavit, what we are attending shortly is an urgent counsel that was at my behest. …
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/22 06:20 PM
1

Did you bring this up during settlement?
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/22 03:27 PM
1

Yes, that is my intended route.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/22 11:01 AM
1

Yes, and trust me, there is no damage being caused by the divorce to him. His mental well being is one of the driving forces for the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/22 10:51 AM
4

Yes, I know, and will try. We have an eldest son who is neurologically disabled, and I am trying everything to prevent the sale of the house, because it will emotionally damage him. With the inflationary run up of real estate, I am scared I will not be able to assume the mortgage. In 2020, the bank appraised the house at $380k, now her lawyer's real estate buddy is saying it is worth $750k. Of course, I will have it properly appraised, it is just hard to deal with.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/22 03:28 AM
1

My stbxw gave a key to her AP. I can't even go there to get my children's things without fear if getting jumped. I have the children, and I cannot safely get their toys.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/22 03:09 AM
1

My perspective is coloured by being mentally abused for a very long time. I genuinely received rage that had literally zero legitimacy behind it. In other words, I was asking if he was being emotionally abused.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/22 07:53 PM
6

Don't leave the house, period. She can squawk all she wants. I would be recording everything.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/22 06:48 PM
3

This really is bonkers though. Can one imagine forcing a 15yo to go to their mom's place for parenting time, if they absolutely did not want to go?
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/22 06:46 PM
1

She is 18. I guess my advice is contingent on what age someone becomes an adult in a jurisdiction. The advice is forcing contact, or otherwise. If OP is being truthful, he hasn't done anything criminal. It is just further proof that the going narrative owes nothing to fathers. It just blatantly seems to me that there is alienation involved here.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/22 05:25 PM
2

Common law contract + religious ceremony, if your jurisdiction allows it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/22 10:51 AM
2

I take a different tact on this, she owes you a reason, any reason, and not just "space". You are her father, not some dimwit on the corner. If she wants no contact, fine, but she needs to be accountable and provide a reason.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/22 01:06 AM
2

Was it legit rage though?
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/22 01:03 AM
13

File before sending, and run it through a grammar checker.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/22 07:36 PM
1

Sounds about right.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/22 10:55 AM
2

Be careful using 'BPD', that is borderline personality disorder. BP1 and BP2 avoid the confusion.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/22 07:32 PM
6

What is with the fascination with witches? Did they all watch too much Buffy?
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/22 12:52 PM
1

Funny how that is, eh? You are obviously one to take the higher road, and not project.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/22 07:06 PM
1

So her family is perfect then?
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/22 12:05 PM
2

Understood. Strategize your next moves while you "keep the peace". Good luck, it is difficult for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/22 01:46 AM
2

Understood. Not sure why you are moving to the spare room though?
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/22 11:09 PM
1

Is she professionally diagnosed? I am sorry to beat on you, but if she is, you should have gone for 100% custody right from the start. Trying to backstop things to prevent your ex from abusing the children emotionally is a fool's errand. You might need to get CPS involved. Secondly, take the other approach, and give her enough rope to make her mistakes. Unfortunately, that approach can damage the children. I know from experience, with you out of the picture, she will target one of the children a…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/22 11:08 PM
2

OP, she's already cheating, at least emotionally, end it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/22 10:34 PM
6

Sir, that "friend" ain't no friend. Classic cheater behaviour. Seek annulment, lawyer up fast.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/22 05:05 PM
18

This is awesome, in a bad way. Mine is the same. I just finished the last taxes I will ever do for her not too long ago. She is occupying the house with her boyfriend, but I have the children due to her mental instability. She had the audacity to ask if I would mow the lawn! The only way she knows her car needs the oil changed is because it tells her.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/22 12:22 AM
2

This is exactly it. In my case, my stbxw is mentally unstable and erratic (diagnosed for years), to the point of me leaving with the children. We are technically homeless. She moved her boyfriend into the house, drained accounts, and left me with $20 to feed the children when this all started. She is still occupying the house. She used to be a profession, with degree, and burned out, and was supposed to continue on disability, but never kept up with the paper work. So she "appeared" to be a SAHM…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/22 01:01 PM
1

Wow, 50k of dumb stuff, she must think you are dumb to believe so. From your post, you are anything but. Sounds like you have this figured pretty well.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/22 12:45 PM
1

Personally, I believe she is physically cheating on you, and that alone is enough to divorce. If you cannot be 100% sure she is not, then end it. What is she spending on, the booze? That is a heck of a lot of money.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/22 08:23 PM
1

You are right. My experience always sends me to the worst case scenario. I filed first, because my stbxw is mentally erratic, and had already slandered me to our common friends. I was worried she would try an create a horrible false narrative. She is completely incapable of watching the children for more than a few hours without someone else there. I also fear filing of a false TRO.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/22 07:06 PM
0

Not American, so doesn't apply to me. That said, I am a comp sci long termer, and work in security. I am educating about the impossibility of these laws. One could never prosecute these, unless you were filming someone in the act. Suggesting the opposition party sue is ridiculous, because it is a waste of money.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/22 05:34 PM
0

Try and prove that in court though, nigh unto impossible. You do realize that email is utterly unsecured, it is not transmitted in an encrypted form. One can read whole emails with a general packet sniffer with zero hackery.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/22 03:53 PM
2

Yes, don't fall on your own sword, and don't defend her. Give the the truth, they can handle it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/22 01:41 AM
0

The email was wide open, they didn't really hack anything, it was literally in front of their eyes.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/22 01:37 AM
6

It truly is crazy, no? My stbxw found a jobless, chain smoking, borderline alcoholic, and I am not even exaggerating.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/22 01:32 AM
3

Exactly, now we now who stbxw got her morals from ...
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/22 01:30 AM
5

Downward cycle being?
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/22 12:26 AM
1

Being the petitioner is an advantage. Don't cheap out on this.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/22 09:17 PM
4

As long as you have evidence, you should be OK. Depends on the jurisdiction on what the threshold is. Are children involved? If so, who has them?
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/22 02:23 PM
6

This is mostly my story as well, except I didn't catch her in the act. Everything else though, identical. Borderline, Bipolar 1, cheating, in a nutshell.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/22 12:32 PM
3

What are some example issues where this has happened?
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/22 03:09 AM
2

It's going to kill him physically as well.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/22 02:10 PM
1

Those filthy cheaters seem to be everywhere nowadays.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/22 01:46 PM
2

Or call 911 when she threatens suicide, so her insanity is on police record.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/22 01:43 PM
7

She's a gold digger. Wants you to bust yourself. Get that income down, and back to earth. If there is a divorce, she will use that income against you.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/22 03:22 PM
1

Bitter women actively try and replace you, and that is the gut feeling that is gnawing at your gut. Enforce boundaries, and go to court again, and again, if you need to.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/22 11:25 AM
5

Shows she wants Chad and Tyrone.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/22 11:23 AM
2

Almost feel sorry for the sucker, eh? How old are your children?
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/22 11:16 AM
3

Thank you for writing this. This is exactly what I wanted to convey to OP, you worded this perfectly. Hopefully OP takes your advice.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/22 11:09 AM
7

My stbxw is bipolar 1 comorbid with BPD, both diagnosed professionally. I understand the fear. My eldest has fetal alcohol. Again, I understand your fear and pain. She also went AWOL with my youngest last fall. I really know your pain. Get an attorney involved, knowledgeable in international child abduction. You do not tell your spouse. Get a PI involved, if you do not know exactly where she is. This is not a time for fear, or to be cheap. Sweet talk the hell out if her until she crosses that bo…
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/22 01:12 AM
15

Get the police involved. She crossed an international border. Get an attorney involved as well, like yesterday.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/22 12:29 AM
3

I give people enough rope to hang themselves, and take a step backwards. Somehow I am not surprised by the amount of people that pull the lever ...
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/22 09:33 PM
1

I get some of that, my divorce is going side ways fast. Her and her boyfriend drained our accounts, and left me $20 to feed the children. Where does insanity like that come from?
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/22 08:35 PM
2

Just propagating the idea of sexual value at such a young age is so disturbing. It is unbelievable that on one hand these women say they do not wish to be viewed as sexual objects, yet that is all that seems to be posted on TikTok. I don't go on that site, just read a bunch of articles referencing it, and your opinion of it seems to be the consensus.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/22 08:32 PM
3

She was cheating already, there was nothing there to save.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/22 04:19 PM
3

Were you abused by her? If so, I suggest some counseling, and if that results in you deciding to move, so be it. Peace of mind is priceless.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/22 12:13 AM
3

Spirit of Jezebel.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/22 06:53 PM
2

You filed in Sacramento? She stays in Sacramento, how about that? Why should she get a choice to move to LA? She filed a false RO. What does your lawyer say?
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/22 03:59 AM
3

First, talk to your lawyer. If she is making threats, then restraining order. If he is making threats, then peace bond. If you get either on these, you will have more options. If she has the children, I wouldn't resort to any unfortunate service disconnections.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/22 01:25 AM
3

A whole week for her birthday? Even the queen doesn't get that.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/22 12:54 AM
9

In a lot of cases, I surely believe they objectify the children.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/22 12:42 AM
2

Bro, I'm pushing close to 50, and yes, it is a circus show out there, that is for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/22 10:58 PM
0

It happens sir, but there was probably more to it. My stbxw started messing around when I became physically sick, do I became physically weak. Look, you can say you were weak, etc; but the reality is it wasn't anything you necessarily did, it was what she eventually ended up doing. I hope you gave her no quarter, and have cut her off completely. #GodSpeed
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/22 08:35 PM
1

What kind of women are you dating? Do they all come off as princesses?
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/22 08:29 PM
5

Gentlemen, have the best day possible!
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/22 03:12 PM
1

I know the type. Nanny, Au Pair, day care ... someone from your family, it is doable. I guess what I am also saying, is after the dust settles, it will much harder to get more custody, if you get 50/50 now.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/22 09:34 PM
3

You can use a day care for days off, or some sort of agreement with her mother?? Is her mother at all seeing her daughter as a trainwreck? I have had a handful of "days off" in the last 15 years, so I can emphasize, but your children are the motivation to keep pushing through.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/22 03:21 PM
16

Sir, I think you need to change your perspective. You ex is toxic, do you really want your children to be around her, especially for a week straight? Seriously, you should be going for full custody, and granting her supervised visitation only. Holy smokes.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/22 01:07 PM
1

I might have to do the same with CAS. I just never thought exes could spiral this bad. One hears all the horror stories, then it becomes real life.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/22 01:03 PM
1

It is so nice to hear about your daughter helping out. My eldest is doing the same, even though he is not neurotypical. With the ex gone, he has much less stress and anxiety.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/22 11:14 AM
8

The infidelity and her yelling justifies divorce. Record these, and gather evidence if legal in your jurisdiction. I don't believe for a minute there is no physical infidelity. Personally, I would demand a DNA test before you sign the birth certificate. Not taking care of her mental health will damage your son. You should be preparing for full custody, with her only getting visitation. Broadside her, and give no quarter.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/22 01:14 PM
2

So what is the assumption here? Are you inferring she is trying to make you take them every weekend so she can go out and party, or legit she is working? What is her field of work?
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/22 06:59 PM
5

My mother had four sons. When she found out my stbxw had cheated, she was livid. No way she would support my stbxw on either side of hell. Family name runs strong on my father's side, and my mother marrying into it, assumed that demeanor. Any mother that takes the side of a cheating ex deserves to be disowned in my opinion..
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/22 06:51 PM
1

My ex always said she wanted a big family, then she had our first bio child, and that was it. Another betrayal I went through. Surrogate I guess ...
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/22 12:58 PM
1

She will take it out on her. Your ex is setting her up for narc abuse. My stbxw parades our toddler around like a trophy, but barely gives the time of day to our teen.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/22 12:56 PM
5

I don't know about the not living under your roof ... That could be used against you. I would have enforced the job and paying for insurance though, otherwise no keys. I don't understand why he has to be on your policy though. Is that because he lived with you, or is there some other weird requirement?
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/22 01:50 AM
5

That's what I thought as soon as I read OP's post. She went on a trip with the ex.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/22 09:31 PM
1

That is what I mean. You get 100% custody, she gets supervised visitation. They are not the same thing.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/22 06:25 PM
1

Go for 100% custody, she is an abusive, unfit mother. Giving her 50% is insane. You need to file first, and quietly. You need urgent counsel. If she gets abusive, leave with the children to a safe location. Run all this by your lawyer. I am in a similar situation, do not cave for the sake of your children, even if it bankrupts you.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/22 06:14 PM
2

What are you "reconciling"? Has there been infidelity? Is she mentally stable?
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/22 02:15 AM
3

Work on not needing validation from anyone, otherwise you might end up down the same road again.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/22 02:04 AM
1

That's the thing, her lawyer has given you no details. You got three options: Call your lawyer. Having a lawyer is not fighting, it is protecting your best interests. Call the court house for some ideas, they have to know. Contact local social services for information.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/22 01:33 PM
2

What does your lawyer say about this, and why is her lawyer talking straight to you? Has a judge/court seen this? What I am trying to say is, is this legit, or is her lawyer just shoving stuff down your throat?
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/22 05:09 AM
3

What do you mean a court document? Is it a court order, or just a letter from your spouse's lawyer? Is there a contact number?
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/22 01:17 AM
1

Sort of. It was I who was told that I was the "problem" and she used that against me. Then we got a better doctor, that redid everything, and it turned out I was not the "problem", it was actually her. She could never live that down, and I noticed a lot of resentment after that.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/22 10:52 PM
4

This seen like going down the rabbit hole. I feel you about getting chaffed by a biased counselor. Honestly, I would just suggest cutting her off. Her cheating (yes, that is what it was) automatically disqualifies her to any response, or any recognition from you.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/22 09:44 PM
5

You know, there is not need to ... Unless you really want to, right? There might be a lot of societal pressure to be married, but that is all it is.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/22 09:02 PM
2

Get a lawyer asap, and demand she return with the children. If she doesn't, file and establish jurisdiction to order her return. I had a buddy who's with said the same to him. Guess what? No therapy was happening, at least the kind you expect, she was committing adultery during the time she was "improving herself."
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/22 01:49 AM
3

Get a lawyer, take a loan if you have to. She won't be amicable when custody is discussed. Do not do stuff like this on the cheap.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/22 04:47 PM
1

Amen to that.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/22 03:00 AM
1

I always say that sometimes the most loving thing you can do for someone is to let them go.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/22 02:56 AM
3

You don't lie, and that includes by omission. Back in the day, your ex wife would have been shamed in front of the church, and the whole darn town would know. Children ain't stupid, don't treat them as they are. I tried to cushion the blow for my eldest concerning my stbxw's infidelity. It didn't work. He figured it out fast, now hates her, and calls her a liar, which she is. All this without any influence from me. Children generally have a better moral compass than us grown idiots. So my child …
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/22 03:05 AM
1

I think the strategy is to make it as difficult as possible for them, and play the angle that they co-conspired to abuse the family until. You can also ask the judge to order a record check on the guy. This is bordering lawfare, but as the saying goes, All is fair in love and war, and you are in a war.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/22 06:01 PM
2

Of course I don't know for sure, but her not contributing to taking care of her children is a major red flag. My stbxw did the same thing. Then multiple affairs were revealed. She made a huge deal about the children, but her actions show she only cares about her new beau.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/22 05:33 PM
1

Supervised visitation is all my stbxw is allowed, due to her emotional abuse, and instability. She currently has zero custody, legal or otherwise, it is a thing. As to whether it will stay this way, I will have to wait and see. My neighbour has 100% custody, legal and otherwise over her son. Her ex is allowed visitation only. These visitation times are just that, and must be requested.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/22 02:55 AM
9

Just a reality check here. She is abusive to you, but you are going for 50/50 custody? You should be going for 100% custody, because as soon as you are gone, one of the children will become her target during her episodes. If she professional diagnosed with any personality disorder, or mental illness?
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/22 02:16 AM
1

Yes, it is such a mess. What an example to set for the children, eh?
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/22 01:57 PM
1

That is the sad fact. My stbxw is a serial cheater, and it is even difficult for people to raise a voice to demean her in the arena of public opinion.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/22 12:37 AM
1

BPD individuals love bomb in the initial phases of the relationship. That is how they lure them in.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/22 12:27 AM
1

Heard has diagnosed BPD, that in and of itself is brutal. I have experienced all the same, except any physical violence towards myself. I can understand why he would be 'unavailable' and blasted out of his mind. Reactive behaviours can also manifest in the other spouse when they start to sink into depression from all the BPD abuse they have endured.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/22 12:21 AM
4

Today I went out and bought my soon to be 2yo child their first bicycle, and helmet, and didn't have a second thought doing so. That was a first in a long time.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/22 11:59 PM
1

In my case, fighting for the house, but I have the children because of her instability and party life. Her behaviour was scaring the crap out of the children. I would not have left otherwise. Now the house is damaged by cigarette smoke from her current jobless boyfriend she has moved in.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/22 11:11 PM
1

True enough. Thanks for the discussion!.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/22 10:20 PM
3

Which is unbelievable, is that there are no consequences for doing so.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/22 10:15 PM
1

Sure, if she was in a SAHM situation. No man wants to finance his wife's affair. If they BOTH decided she would be SAHM, then a certain amount should be expected. If she wants to protect herself, fill a form out for SAHM consent of both parties. If she just refused to work, and there was no SAHM consent, then impute her income. People need to be accountable for their decisions either way. If it can be proven she in a reciprocal romantic relationship, alimony ends.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/22 12:46 AM
1

That would be the consequences of her having an affair, no alimony. There is no reason for it, society has just lowered the threshold of acceptable behaviour.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/22 11:43 PM
1

Especially if there was an infidelity involved.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/22 11:40 PM
6

This is where no-fault is punitive. She chose to have an affair, why should she be entitled to alimony. It is cruel.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/22 11:22 PM
2

It depends on jurisdiction. If you get 100% custody, it most likely would not matter. If you get all custody, she will owe you child support, and since she makes more, she would owe you alimony. Record all abuse (video if legal in your jurisdiction), and any episodes with the children. Get a lawyer involved yesterday. Discuss the abuse and episodes with the lawyer, and what to do. Do not protect her if she has episodes on the children, use it, because I guarantee she will start in on the childre…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/22 11:16 PM
2

Do not move out. Do not get a higher paying job. Status quo. Use all leverage, and the abuse. You might be able to get 100% custody, because if she abused you, she will most likely start to abuse the eldest once you are gone.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/22 08:44 PM
8

I don't think you're being stereotypical, you're sharing wisdom. When I started to read everything OP did, and her lack of input, I immediately thought affair.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/22 01:43 AM
2

Wise words.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/22 08:49 PM
3

I highly disagree with this, sorry. I am forthright saying that I do not believe in "animal rights", I believe in animal husbandry. There is no way in H E double hockey sticks, that any of my dogs would do this, period. Why? Because I literally desensitize them to ridiculous stimulation. If they are not trained, they should not be around anyone that is vulnerable. There is no " dog's space", that is treating it like a human, and they ain't human. Any dominance towards humans need to be trained o…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/22 06:05 PM
2

This is why there needs to be some recognition of infidelity even in no-fault states. The vows need to be tied to the marriage contract.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/22 01:24 PM
1

Because society allows them to be. These trainwreck women who are messed up, and are unfit mothers from a moral stand point, trying to rope in their next ATM. Society doesn't see it, because society has fallen just as much.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/22 12:42 PM
1

Definitely talk to a lawyer. This is in no way a tragic accident, this is your bimbo ex running around, and dragging your daughter to shady parties, with God knows what going on. The dog was obviously aggressive. You need to rain hellfire down on you ex.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/22 12:39 PM
2

I went numb when she told me. While time went on, I found she was an ongoing cheater, in other words, an absolute liar. I was slow to plan, but I executed said plan like a man on a mission. When I found out she was still cheating, I had no mercy. I hate infidelity. I am more pissed about her stealing the innocence of my children than anything else. Otherwise, I am doing OK. Here's a story about how it used to be handled. My grandfather was on the board of the church he attended. He had a hunch a…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/22 04:07 PM
3

Oh, I'm not, just thought it was hilarious.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/22 03:56 PM
2

Do you have access to her half of the settlement money? Get your lawyer to motion the living daylights out of her to compel a response. Is she officially diagnosed? Psych records? She us not putting the children before her "wants" ... You should be going for 100% custody.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/22 12:20 PM
1

0.7% lol ... And I thought my standards were quite reasonable.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/22 11:42 AM
15

You just need to say NO. My stbxw made her life decisions, and now that we are on the divorce path, I just keep telling her to have her boyfriend do it (she is a serial cheater).
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/22 12:40 AM
5

This is a very good point, removes the trauma of asking for it back, especially if she cheated.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 09:49 PM
1

Most likely without consulting him. Make sure to add it to the marriage equalization.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 09:48 PM
2

My lawyer is female, and doing a good job for me and the children. So much so, my stbxw fired her first lawyer, and her second one is MIA. I agree with the statement that gender doesn't matter most of the time, but I also believe a good female lawyer can see the BS in a way only a woman can, from another woman.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 03:27 PM
1

Exactly, don't waste time on this. Appraisal, split down the middle, done. It is ridiculous for her to expect top dollar value.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 02:11 PM
3

It is wishful thinking, yet morally centred. My stbxw's AP is a chain smoking, jobless, heavy drinker. Our house, for the entirety of the marriage, was none of that. It really is disgusting the lack of accountability society enforces nowadays.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 11:23 AM
1

The road to hell is full of "good" intentions ...
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/22 03:43 PM
38

Society has put them in a pedestal for so long, it has gone to their heads.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/22 08:57 PM
1

Yes :). Figuratively. She tried to commit suicide shortly afterwards, so she almost did literally. Good catch.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/22 06:14 PM
2

This is how I feel, like a widower. When my stbxw told me she committed infidelity, she figuratively died to me that day.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/22 12:22 AM
1

You're welcome sir. Give no quarter, give no warning shot. I am not telling you to be confrontational, I am telling you to be measured, and firm.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/22 08:16 PM
3

This is next level baloney. Does you daughter really want to live with her? You're racking up huge levels of debt? Seriously, look at your lawyer, this guy sounds like a putz. Next, motions the hell out of her. Get a trial date. In your mind, you need to think, you're done. I am in a very different situation, but my lawyer made a simple phone call and got everything I wanted, because she leveraged the heck out of my estranged spouse.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/22 08:47 PM
1

I don't rage, so I have no idea what that is like. This is not about an emotional reaction, this is about telling the truth, in an age appropriate way. Infidelity is violence against the entire family, and the robbing of innocence from the children. If the children do not know, guaranteed she will flip him on him, I've seen it happen. The children needs to know, especially since the father is generally the one forced from the home, and replaced by boyfriend delta2.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/22 12:13 AM
1

He is not turning the children against her, he is telling the the truth. She did it to herself. He doesn't need to use any vitriol, but the simple truth is imperative.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/22 08:38 PM
3

This is the reason to pull the trigger first. The first example of any aggressive behaviour from her, or your bf, you file a TRO.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/22 08:36 PM
6

Maybe something to do with not having deal breakers, or putting her on a pedestal. When I found out my stbxw had committed infidelity, in the back of my mind, she was dead to me.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/22 10:27 PM
9

You should tell her, that is the honest thing to do. Rightfully so, she will flip out on you. Be a man.
/r/RPChristians16/05/22 03:22 AM
7

Every cent spent is worth it for your son. Why would she need more than five counties, unless she was planning to move away in the future?
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/22 02:21 AM
7

OP, I am not trying to be insulting, so I hope it doesn't come off that way. If the woman you marry does not have motherly instincts, please do not have children with her. I made that mistake, I thought she would grow into it, she didn't. When she gave birth to our biological child, I thought now I thought she would be transformed. No. Then what was she? Borderline abusive, certainly verbally. I just believe it is wise not to overlook such traits, especially if there's the possibility for childr…
/r/RPChristians16/05/22 12:37 AM
1

15 years married, two sons, probably old enough to be your grandfather. Sending my wife out to pasture for being disrespectful. Again with the personal insults, and this is a "Christian forum", good job espousing the beatitudes brother.
/r/RPChristians16/05/22 12:29 AM
5

Not all men are meant to be cooped up in a metro apartment. I have a feeling OP might be one of them. I know I would rather die in a field, rather than "live well" in an apartment.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/22 12:26 AM
4

OP, you are confusing forgiving with forgetting.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/22 06:18 PM
-3

Nice DARVO there, but I'm not backing down. No, it's pretty damn dumb to let one's fiancee go to a girl's night out, period. It leads to cheating. She felt guilty, and phoned him on the way out the door. Collaborate her story, and I will take it all back. If she had any respect for him, she would never have went. OP, dump her now, or you're gonna pay down the line. She has free agency to do what she wants, but that doesn't mean he cannot mete out consequences because of it, I.e. dumping her.
/r/RPChristians15/05/22 01:24 PM
11

Exactly OP. Mid twenties is NOT too early, it is almost too late. This insanity of having children in late thirties, early forties is nuts. My last child was born when I was 45. I should be a grandfather now, not a father to a toddler (it happens). Find a woman who is motherly (most are not) AND humble is a difficult mission, good luck.
/r/RPChristians15/05/22 12:53 PM
-1

Sure, but I don't believe for a second that the guy forced himself on her. I tried to create a compromise in #1. In other words, tell no to the request. One should never allow a fiancee/wife to go for a girl's night out, especially to a bar. Want my honest opinion, he needs to drop her yesterday.
/r/RPChristians15/05/22 12:33 PM
2

OP, clubs and events sounds like an option. Chess club, whatever. I am with you. The one thing I ever really want, was to sit on the couch with someone, in front of the fireplace and drink a cup of tea. Simple, yet so hard to achieve.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/22 12:29 PM
2

Camping with the dog, I'll take that for a dollar! Doing exactly that this moment with my children (minus the dog)!
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/22 12:18 PM
-6

1). You should have went, NEVER allow your future wife to go for a "girl's night out". 2). Watch your six. I know you want to believe her, but I don't. Watch for further red flags. 3). If you know anyone else that went, cross-check her story with them.
/r/RPChristians15/05/22 04:11 AM
2

Seriously? I don't even want to talk to my cheating stbxw. Every time she tries to talk to me, I told her to talk to the lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/22 01:15 AM
2

Even if she was getting serious help, any physical, and I would say emotional abuse, should be a deal breaker. I'm not one to talk, I stayed almost 15 years.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/22 10:35 PM
1

Lay low for a bit, then hire a PI. That is a circus show for your child to grow up in. Get yourself a woman lawyer, or a real men's rights lawyer. When my lady lawyer heard about the crap my stbxw did to me and the boys, her eyes darkened. Trust me, you need to give no quarter.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/22 08:36 PM
3

She should be dumped in an unmaintained mobile home park full of meth heads for 6 months, might bring her to reality. Sadly, that would never happen.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/22 08:29 PM
3

Only $80k, what a selfish woman.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/22 07:36 PM
2

GodSpeed
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/22 04:29 PM
5

DNA test pronto.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/22 01:11 PM
1

This is crazy, sorry, I need to be blunt here. He needs to file first, in order to be the petitioner, and there is a distinct advantage in doing do. What is it? Heading false allegations off at the pass. Will it prevent them? No. But it makes them disingenuous, since he mentions nothing along those lines in his pleading. She is a serial cheater, or in the making of becoming one, and the only way to put her in her place is to put her out to pasture. This is the only enforceable consequence in tod…
/r/RPChristians12/05/22 12:35 AM
1

Yes, they are wrong. They both matter, and one cannot sacrificed for the other. Quantity is what lays down behavioural pathways, without it you have little influence.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 07:47 PM
1

Because she is selfish, and wants to demean you in front of others.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 05:24 AM
1

Born with it is a weak claim? That is absurd. Any historical trace of lineage proves otherwise. If no claim was inherent, then royals wouldn't put emphasis on it. My maternal grandmother belongs to a line that is inherently all related. Anyone with that particular last name is blood related. It is rare, but it is true. I am related to EVERY person that carries her last name via blood, except their spouses of course.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 12:51 AM
2

You don't think the blood relation he has to that name counts? To me, that is a higher claim. His ex is disrespecting his relative's name by keeping it. She is no longer connected to the family, if she had any decency she would revert her name to her maiden name.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 10:31 PM
2

I would argue the morality point, but agree on all others. The only reason his ex is doing this it to drive the knife deeper.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 08:46 PM
30

Get papers drawn up YESTERDAY, and serve her first. She is manipulating you, trying to make you out as author to 100% of any marriage issues.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 01:40 PM
2

Critical thinking, the key most men have traded for lunacy. From a rigid examination of the changing of marriage laws, since say, the 30s till now, might open some eyes, but most are in the fog.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/22 10:48 PM
2

+1 for the cheating.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/22 04:38 PM
1

OP have you evaluate the possibility that your wife is having an affair? Have you evaluated any red flags? Honestly, you sound like a decent man, fit, etc ... Which proves my point I tell others, it's never the money, how fit you are, or how big the house is, it is possible that your spouse is still cheating.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/22 01:34 PM
2

You don't need to prove anything. He will need to do urine test(s) at least for a while.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/22 11:58 PM
5

Wow, in my jurisdiction, the children would be removed due to the meth.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/22 11:29 PM
1

Call CPS? How could that be in their best interest? Sounds like you got nothing to lose.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/22 09:56 PM
1

You are going to let an uBPD and prostitute have 50% custody? That is INSANITY. In my opinion, your lawyer is nuts.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/22 12:35 PM
3

Exactly. My stbxw's doctors kept telling me she'd get better, but she always got worse over the long term. This type of behaviour gets contained by people not putting up with it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/22 12:28 PM
9

She could be cheating on you. My stbxw always threatened divorce at the times she was cheating. If you own a house together, do not leave until a court order forces you to.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/22 01:04 AM
6

Or BPD
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/22 01:02 AM
4

I don't look at it as us as 'up and leaving'. We tried like hell, then realized we were being spat on. In my case, it went as far as her having multiple infidelity events. I became numb, and executed my plan like a blitzkrieg. Gave no quarter, no mercy. Game over.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/22 01:07 PM
1

Like I said, pull the pin (divorce) if your morals allow it under said circumstance.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/22 01:21 AM
2

Oh, please, no! I am a Canadian, so cut me some slack. At least I owned up to it. :)
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/22 05:40 PM
2

You got me. Judicial is supposed to be the check and balance. I meant the executive didn't provide enough evidence to sway the judicial.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/22 05:34 PM
-2

Ironically it wasn't the government, it was the courts. Government is kept in its place (supposedly) partially by the judiciary. All the uproar is there, because the court found Roe v Wade ruling to be faulty. So I guess the opposition needs to make a better case, no?
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/22 02:15 PM
1

Seriously? Pull the damn pin. People cheat due to character flaw, there's no other reason. There is no damn reason to cheat, the divorce will cost the same on either end, and depending on the jurisdiction, could arguably cost more if infidelity is involved.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/22 02:57 AM
3

For God's sake serve her. She will drag the circus show out, and if she files with false allegations in the pleading, you will have an uphill battle.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/22 12:29 AM
1

I am not being mean here, but you had an affair. What do you mean by ripping up the vows? Your affair blew the marriage out of the water. That said though, you should put this marriage out of its misery. There was adultery, and I think, the last loving thing you can do for her, is end it fairly.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/22 08:33 PM
3

Any recent suicide attempts or suicide threats? Any substance abuse? Can she cope with the children without losing it? I guess I am suggesting you should be going for majority custody for the sake of your children's emotional well being.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/22 05:09 PM
1

Is she professionally diagnosed?
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/22 03:58 PM
5

DV and child abuse? You should ha e never agreed to 50/59 interim, it takes all the strength out of legitimate concerns.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/22 05:46 PM
2

You can always "lower" your standard of living. Live in a mobile home for a bit, or some similar idea. Adjust the thermostat by a few degrees. In other words, be a cheapskate for a bit.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/22 01:14 PM
9

From your children only, not yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/22 01:03 PM
3

Exactly OP, drive this home. Your stbxw is damaging the children by doing this. She's a cake eater, because she wants you as the ATM, and the others as her pleasure.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/22 12:29 PM
1

Sir, edit your message, it's full of spelling mistakes.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/22 06:42 PM
2

She should at least be allowing you video calls, or phone calls. She has to prove her reasoning, it cannot be some vague assertions. I prevented my stbxw unsupervised contact with our children due to her mental health, but there had been med abuse, erratic behaviour and self harm, and I have evidence to prove it. Get that court order, and have her reprimanded.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/22 01:35 PM
4

So most likely she was cheating with this woman along. Is her work aware that she is living with her subordinate?
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/22 10:30 AM
2

How did a discussion about hiring a housekeeper turn into load sharing about cleaning duties? Both of our comments are within the context of a SO refusing to allow hiring a house keeper. In the era where both are working, this should not be an issue. Please reread the comments within context.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/22 01:15 AM
8

Take them all to KFC, then you can gauge your gf's reaction at the common folk dinner. 6 months ... Is not very long.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/22 03:38 PM
3

Are you both still under the same roof? Is the woman officially diagnosed with BPD? Does she ever scream like a banshee at the children? Does your jurisdiction have any recognition of emotional abuse? If you answered yes to any of the last three questions, she is an unfit mother. Gather evidence, go for 100% custody. Once you are out of the picture, she will start targeting one of the children. Don't ask me how I know this.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/22 12:59 AM
2

I had a similar situation. Way back, my mother recommended I date someone who was "sweet", and looking back, based on the information she had, maybe it was a good recommendation. Later on though, that same " sweet" girl turned unto a bar hopping party girl. It's difficult all around.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/22 03:02 PM
7

Funny how they betray you when you're down, huh? Flaw character is an understatement.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/22 12:22 AM
5

Heck no, my 42 WW went on a cheatin' tour ... Cheaters can come out at any age.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/22 12:20 AM
7

Hope you dropped her faster than a red hot iron.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/22 11:42 PM
7

That is the deal, ain't nothing but women on those apps, that you'd never have visit your mother.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/22 11:41 PM
47

30 and using the term "back in the day" made me smile :)
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/22 11:39 PM
3

Give no quarter, no warning.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/22 06:40 PM
4

They'll find the money if a financial audit is ordered. Really speak with a lawyer. You want to be above board, otherwise the judge is going to be belligerent.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/22 03:52 AM
2

Priceless.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 03:02 PM
1

Ain't that the truth.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 03:01 AM
7

Pride. Competition among women, they don't want to admit they cannot keep a clean house. Second, they want something to lord over you with.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 01:00 AM
1

I don't think their grandmothers were complaining, at least mine were not.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 12:58 AM
1

Go for 100% custody if you feel she could not handle the 2 yr old on her own. If you are in an at-fault state, use that to your advantage. I know it is hard, but you do not want your boys growing up seeing a disrespectful wife. I am in the same boat, #GodSpeed
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/22 10:41 PM
1

What causes your unhappiness? Is she cheating on you? Is she emotionally abusing you? Or is it a fall out of love scenario?
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/22 02:31 PM
3

I feel for you brother, no one should have to go through this.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/22 02:01 PM
6

You have been rail roaded, this happens all over the world. To clear your name, the only thing I can think to do is to take a massive loan, and hire the best lawyers you can.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/22 12:18 PM
3

Maybe just go about your life, and don't try and 'go dating'. You might run into a nice lady during your hobbies or such. All this internet dating is more of a hook-up culture thing nowadays, we all don't need that type of crap. You might just decide to stay single. You certainly need to work through the trauma of what your ex sis to you. GodSpeed
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/22 11:39 AM
1

Hell yes.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/22 01:53 AM
3

You can mess them up by not telling the truth also. I hid a lot of truth from my eldest, and he eventually found out from other sources what his mom did. Now he hates her with a passion, and I cannot sway him either way. It also depends on the jurisdiction. In my area, emotional abuse is now taken into consideration, even if not directed straight at the child, e.g. spouse overdosing or attempting suicide causes emotional trauma for children.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/22 01:49 AM
2

CPS might care, depends on the state.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/22 01:45 AM
3

Sir, it's an excuse. Back in the day, all librarians were men, and so were the nurses (orderlies).
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/22 03:42 PM
6

Cook, and freeze the left overseas is always an option.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/22 11:59 AM
2

No, just no. Your ex can come and visit them. You don't want to become a victim of international child abduction.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/22 01:40 PM
2

Close those joint accounts if at all possible. Mediation is a joke, especially with someone that does that type of crazy. Can you just skip the mediation in your jurisdiction?
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/22 07:24 PM
3

He must be going through some trauma though, to have that word "divorce" targeted at him ever so often. This sounds similar to my situation, and it turned out my stbxw was cheating behind my back. Every time she threatened divorce, was closely linked to a time she had cheated.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/22 11:20 AM
2

Depressed and lonely, I think he is scared of making a irreversible mistake. I would tell him to "get angry" and channel that to do what he needs to do, because he seems to be floundering.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/22 11:12 AM
2

It seems she is a bit entitled, no? She wants you gone, but for you to pay for an unaffordable house.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/22 11:01 AM
1

Yes, I had to sit at home, and convince her to return. If she refused, I would have had to obtain a court order, then go through the Hague convention stuff. If she still refused, then interpol.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/22 05:30 PM
2

Refusing access is illegal, I am talking about taking the children with her. I have been through this, and am going through it now. My stbxw took my son to the EU, and the only way I could legally stop her was to get an emergency custody order. Luckily she came back, because I could not get the order fast enough. If there is no custody order in place, a parent can take the children, either of them. Restricting access, or hiding them is certainly illegal though. This is why it is so important to …
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/22 03:36 PM
2

I agree, you were the primary caregiver. You lawyer needs to make that abundantly clear.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/22 02:22 PM
1

It depends on the jurisdiction. Where I am at, one can take the children when there is no custody order in effect. Without a custody, there is no 'kidnapping' taking place.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/22 12:31 PM
3

I would be wary of something going down on mom's time. Not sure how to prove it, but be vigilant, is my only suggestion.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/22 02:10 AM
1

How about: No, it made it all the worse, because wayward wife was enabled by MC to be a victim, and I was viewed as an abuser, when all the while she was cheating the entire time! It was all projection!
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/22 10:18 PM
1

Is it possible to get your son a lawyer, where you both put in 50/50 for it, but have no influence over it? I not sure how your jurisdiction works. Your son should have a voice in all of this.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/22 05:47 PM
1

OK, I have a security system, never had the camera though. Should have went that route. I have audio recordings, but they don't do the same justice as a video.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/22 01:22 PM
1

Listen to this OP. I tried for almost 15 years, finally go the divorce ball moving. There was also infidelity involved in my case.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/22 12:19 PM
1

Been there, just not to the extreme. Did you have a hard time getting the recordings? It seemed every time I had misplaced my device, that's when the psychotic came out. What device were you using?
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/22 12:11 PM
3

My stbxw is like this. I believe the truth is she wants to look good, without having to actually parent. These type of women unload their parental responsibilities onto others. That judge is a sell-out, there should be no emphasis put on extra curricular activities.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/22 12:02 PM
3

I know exactly what you are talking about, but sometimes taking a loan is worth it, especially is respecting one's best self interests.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/22 11:28 AM
7

Honestly, I cannot believe you are looking to cut corners here. Mediators will not tell you the absolute best interest for yourself, how can they? Pay the money, no matter how much a lawyer costs, they might save you from a costly mistake. Just my 2 cents.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/22 03:05 AM
2

You ex is nuts. She coached a child to overdose on painkillers. Unbelievable. #GodSpeed
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 05:55 PM
1

I actually meant to use self-directed programs like Teaching Textbooks to free up more time for yourself. There are other similar programs as well.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 01:18 AM
1

Is there you could automate the homeschooling more? My eldest does some courses online, in a self directed manner. I get full report of his progress, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 12:39 AM
3

That is not abuse according to CPS? What? She is punishing them for loving there dad! Does CPS have a review board in your area, that you could appeal to?
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 12:36 AM
1

That boy doesn't necessarily have an "entitlement" issue. Are you positive you know what goes on behind her closed doors? Have you got both sides of her divorce story?
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 08:42 PM
3

I have experienced all that as well. Incredible.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 06:54 PM
6

Isn't it crazy about the simple chores? My stxw (cheater) could not vacuum if I wasn't in the house, or the house was completely empty except for her. She would start to vacuum in the late evening, and mop, when everyone else is trying to wind down.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 04:36 PM
1

Haha, no, but that is a good one. Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder, we adopted him when he was 21 months, wasn't diagnosed until 2019 (CPS dropped the ball).
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 12:30 AM
3

My 12yo son asked me two things: Why can't you just divorce mommy? Why can we not take the baby, and get in your truck, and run away? He has a syndrome and has very black/white thinking. Truth from the mouth of babes ...
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/22 02:41 PM
5

I guess one of them was "unhappy".
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/22 01:09 PM
2

Marriage can be a hundred grand also ... ;) of savings lost!
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 11:37 AM
1

I see. Would you say she has turned you into a "parent" of sorts?
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 01:16 AM
1

What is the grievance? You cannot really force someone to work, but you can prove they are under employed, at least in my jurisdiction. Usually, when ones agrees with said spouse to be a SAHM, there is hope she ain't going to backstab you in the future. Did she commit adultery, or is more of an "unhappy" situation?
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 01:03 AM
5

Co-parenting is a joke. Parallel parenting is the only workable solution in a situation like yours. When a spouse cheats, they don't just cheat on you, they cheat on the children as well, robbing them of their innocence.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/22 12:21 PM
4

Funny how she wants him to lie to his children.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/22 12:11 PM
3

This is very lofty and positive. To tell the truth, I just want to sit in my chair, eat snacks, and watch TV, without hearing stbxw complaining she is bored. The sweet sound of silence is my end game.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/22 12:36 AM
1

Wow, I would have never thought.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/22 09:54 PM
2

Are you from India? Is there a benefit to file there?
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/22 09:34 PM
4

Absolutely it is a reason to fight for primary custody. Once Dad is out of the picture, she will start dumping on the eldest most likely.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/22 10:47 AM
5

This is so true. This is the mo of my stbxw, who has bipolar1 and BPD traits. I am done with the emotional manipulation and abuse. Luckily, our jurisdiction just added emotional consideration for children to its child protection law. Suicide attempts are emotionally traumatizing to children.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/22 10:45 AM
1

But the kids can call 911.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 06:55 PM
2

If she cannot take care of herself, there is no way she should have custody of the boy. Gather evidence regarding her mental health. Your son doesn't deserve to be a caretaker to her. Divorce on your schedule, not her's. Fire the first salvo.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 01:13 AM
2

Literally. I cannot understand this ridiculous set up. That they can spend it on anything. It should be like food stamps, not new car money. I have heard of cases where the mother was snorting come, and there was no food in the cupboards. Yet her hair and nails where always done ...
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/22 10:08 PM
3

To further the discussion regarding "boredom", it is a sack of sh*t. My grandmother was my idol for female integrity. She kept herself busy, mending, knitting, needle point, cooking, even into old age, and she knew her damn place, and she loved it. My grandfather was a tough son of a gun. I only remember ONCE when her voice went stern with him. No yelling, no screaming, no stepping out, just a peaceful household. And when I state, "knew her place", I mean she was never witching and whining about…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/22 06:26 PM
5

There seems to be a lot of white knighting within the church. The church tends to almost expect husbands to forgive AND forget serial cheating. Spirit of Jezebel. Lucifer is a narc. No surprise here.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/22 05:27 PM
1

Why? Co-parenting app, NC with exwife's affair partner is the only sane approach.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/22 03:51 PM
4

Does she have a doctor note validating that disability? Isn't some evidence needed?
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/22 09:26 PM
1

Stay strong sir! Most therapists provide endless positive affirmation to these people, and are suckered into buying their narratives without challenging them on anything. Untreated BPD is an absolute war zone to deal with. It is generally so bad, that no one believes it is that bad. Our marriage counselors were woefully prepared, they are not equipped to handle such chaos. The fact that your spouse believes she has contributed nothing to the breakdown of your marriage, shows she does have a prob…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/22 09:15 PM
2

Can you file a court order in that country to obtain custody of your child? If you divorced her there, through the courts there, I do not believe she can re-divorce you in California. Speak with a lawyer though. I would suspect you can update your marital status on the US side by showing the divorce decree.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/22 07:44 AM
9

My wife has bipolar 1 and BPD (dx'd recently). She has been on an 8 month bender of infidelity, and screaming at the boys. I just put down a retainer for a lawyer. I commend you for getting help, even though the timing was off. I hope my stbxw will eventually get help also.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/22 06:15 PM
1

I noticed those as well. The spy classes are neat, but I wear glasses already.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/22 10:14 AM
3

Only if they cohabitate though, no?
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/22 10:26 PM
2

Did you buy those spy glasses online?
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/22 01:34 PM
1

Is she verbally or emotionally abusive to the children? If so, leave with them.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/22 12:08 PM
3

Leverage during negotiations. Most women don't want to be known as the town bicycle.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/22 12:07 PM
2

How did you hide it?
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/22 11:53 AM
3

My cheating wife has also told my eldest that he has "ruined her life" several times. She apologized, but that kind of damage can never be fixed. It comes from a place of entitlement and selfishness.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/22 09:41 PM
3

100% her lawyer bills, or 50%? Are you talking about a SAHM situation?
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/22 12:25 AM
2

Remember, it is a spectrum, the diagnostic criteria can vary between category, which BPD can present differently in different people.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/22 11:43 PM
2

Unbelievable that this can even be made into an issue. Seasonal allergies are not lethal, nor are allergies to most pets.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/22 05:45 PM
4

For God's sake, NO. Do not cave in on this one, no matter how much she sweet talks you. Both of my children are dual nationals, and so is my stbxw. I have BOTH passports of each child locked in a vault. Your stbxw can have her friends and family come to the USA, or wherever you are. I am sure you are aware how easy it is for her to register residency in the EU. I have a personal bone to pick in a situation like this. My stbxw, who has cheated several times, has a EU family that has NEVER visited…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/22 11:58 AM
2

This is a court ordered custody agreement? If not, why allow it?
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/22 11:16 PM
9

You owned that car before her, you sell it, she will claim the money is marital property.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/22 03:16 PM
5

Look, I would tell them in age appropriate terms, the truth. I am much older, but have a 12yo, and a 21 month old. My wife has cheated several times within the last year. Now that I look back, maybe more, but I don't have proof. My 12yo came to me one day, and asked me why I cannot just divorce his mom, and gave me a bunch of reasons. He had been talking about the concept with his friend, whose dad is an alcoholic. Children can handle the truth. If you keep the truth hidden, your children will r…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/22 01:10 AM
6

What is even worse, cheating mother, who is then awarded alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/22 09:32 PM
3

Others have mentioned monkey branching, but also read up on what cheaters do, and look back on your relationship. Grey rock her, move full steam ahead on the divorce. If in an at-fault jurisdiction, and you find evidence she has cheated, file accordingly.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/22 11:52 PM
3

Technically, you would think there should be no advantage, but I have heard time and time again, that filing first due to you being the petitioner, at least gives you initial control of the narrative, and places you in a better strategic position, especially if the other spouse starts flinging false accusations.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/22 10:51 PM
4

I would suggest he file before she does.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/22 10:13 PM
2

If your stbx is difficult, I would go without mediation. The stress of having to deal with her will put you off your game, and potentially cause you to make mistakes, I.e. caving on things you would not otherwise.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/22 12:10 PM
3

Never in the marriage license sense.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/22 02:03 AM
3

Thank you, I will reread the list. Unfortunately video recording is not allowed in my jurisdiction, IIRC. I will talk with a lawyer once I find one, AFAIK, only audio is allow if one is already included in the conversation. My eldest wants us to runaway due to her behaviour, I just wish it was possible. She has admitted to many people, including counselors that she is angry and has regular outbursts of rage.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/22 08:31 PM
2

Yes, bipolar 1 and borderline. Her doctor calls me on the regular due to children being involved. Most likely would write an affidavit for me. Subpoena of psych records would be mandatory. I record everything. Her safety teams has a wide eye into her behaviours. I am not emotional, her infidelity has "fixed" that, I am so numb I feel nothing. I am in therapy.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/22 02:09 PM
1

100% custody, in all areas. We still live together, I refuse to separate due to her inability to properly take care of her mental illness. I won't agree to any schedule, because I don't want any precedent set. There is no way she should have anything other than supervised visitation. Of course, I am not preventing her from moving, she is free to do so, but there is no way she is taking the children. Infidelity on her part.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/22 11:42 AM
1

Lol
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/22 11:38 AM
1

Try mid-forties, my stbxw said that to me, and I had to use every bit of strength to not laugh in her face.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/22 01:18 AM
1

I am very late to the game, but back-dating the separation date is illegal. Your wife(ex) wanted to avoid be labelled a cheater by an at-fault divorce. Lawyers are generally against it because it takes nearly a year to get to court anyhow.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 11:33 PM
1

I agree that it is technically better for a parent to raise the child. The idea of industrialized daycare rubs me the wrong way, but with the state of divorce law, I would say it is a necessary evil.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 11:14 PM
5

This is a big one. My spouse tell everyone I forced her to quit her job. In reality, she has major mental illness, and had a psychotic crash and burn, which resulted in a two year disability claim, and non-return to work. I have been gently asking her to apply for state disability benefits for years, but she never does. I even asked her to ask her social worker to find someone we can hire. All that to say, OP, try and get her to return to work. Every penny she takes from you, is a penny lost fro…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 12:45 PM
1

Except when she said she wanted that, then changed her minds later, and flipped everything over.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 02:44 AM
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