Separated and in a holding pattern

Reflog1791 · 2023-07-07T03:43:45+00:00

This is a setup and I predict you will get the standard harassment accusation followed by restraining order and very unfair supervised visitation schedule for you during divorce with a lopsided division of assets and CS payments after divorce. This method is a tried and true way to get you to do or say something that can be and will be used against you in court and to the police.

This is a very standard ploy we have seen here many many times. Relative going through this same thing now. It’s a very dangerous situation for you. This is right out of the playbook.

You need a lawyer immediately. Stop contacting her COMPLETELY other than a one sentence email: “Bring [Name] back to our home by Friday at 5pm.” Do not contact her further when she doesn’t bring the kid back. Steel yourself for the most difficult experience of your life.

EnvironmentalAd3558 · 2023-07-07T05:21:34+00:00

You need to take the initiative. File for divorce now and be first so that you have control. If you do reconcile you can always dismiss the case any time before the final decree.

FUMoney · 2023-07-07T12:21:33+00:00

Holding pattern? Maybe you are in one. But your EX wife hopped in a fighter jet, hit the afterburners, melted the marriage, and has now landed in a brand new life — away from you.

Reconcile? Bro, come on. Your ex wife has a new place, and you’re not invited. She’s not even talking to you. Right now you have more meaningful interactions with store clerks, because at least you can speak to them face-to-face.

Your marriage is over. And she doesn’t want your emails, either. That’s why she’s basically ignoring them. A woman can make no bigger statement than moving out, getting her own place, and cutting off communication.

Ask for a divorce? She did way, way more than that. The life you thought you had with her is over. You are living in another universe if you think reconciliation via email is a possibility. Get real. Get smart. Retain a lawyer and start preparing your divorce petition.

CrazySanta7 · 2023-07-07T10:42:54+00:00

You are putting yourself in a holding pattern. Hope is a killer in this situation, man. You are plan D in case plan A, B, C doesn't work out. There is probably another man involved. You are asking her if she wants divorce? Watch her actions. It's clear. Go file and take your power and self-respect back.

azwildcat74 · 2023-07-07T11:38:36+00:00

If she wanted to work on things she’d be working on them with you. She didn’t just “happen” into another apartment, that took time and planning to do, it’s been coming for a long time.

Take the initiative and control of the situation and get filed. IF she wants to work it out (she doesn’t) that will show her that her actions have consequences and you aren’t just going to sit around pining for her. Google “light switch effect”, that’s the rhetoric forming in her mind during the separation and if you sit around waiting for her to change her mind you’re going to get hit with lots of bullshit that you could’ve been preparing for.

Noodletrousers · 2023-07-07T13:28:45+00:00

Everyone here is correct. Very similar situation happened to me and I didn’t follow this advice until it was too late I actually didn’t get any advice at the time. Frankly I think I was too shocked and ashamed to reach out to anyone. I did get multiple consultations with attorneys, but was too big a puss to file.

In retrospect, I’m not too bummed about that because I would have had to stay in the state in which it happened if I had filed immediately. I ended up filing about three months later after I moved back to the state in which we were married, so I didn’t have to wait the required residency period before filing. I’m still confused as to why she would take the kids, file an order of protection, and refuse to communicate outside of email (which she just about never answered), but didn’t file. The only thing I can come up with is that she could indefinitely keep my boys from me if we were still married.

Right now I’m betting that you are still in shock and confused as all hell. Take the advice given here and file asap! This greatly reduces the risk of being slapped with a restraining order. She isn’t going to let you see your child of her own accord. The longer she goes this way, the more she is building an image of you as a terrible monster who’s going to hurt her and your kid.

It’s extremely painful, but does get better with time. You’ll ride this out just like every other shitty situation you’ve been in in life and will be stronger on the other side. It sucks thinking that the person you loved so much could do this to you and most likely you’re resisting believing it, but it happened and you need to face it. Honestly, how could you ever trust her again? She knows this and knows that humpty dumplings can’t be put back together again.

Don’t let yourself be a victim of the sunk cost fallacy. Cut your losses and start healing. The first part is the most difficult and it’s going to hurt for a while, but forge ahead and one day you’ll look back without pain or fear or anger. You do need to take legal action or you will miss even more time with your kid.

captainchippsixx · 2023-07-07T13:39:46+00:00

The longer she drags it out the longer you pay for everything. Also she is going to blind side you probably. So be prepared for the worst. I would change your passwords. Make sure you have some Money you can access. Put alerts on all accounts and credit cards.

The other aspect is when she has place she doesn’t have to hide a guy that’s on the scene. Very common. Women only take action when they feel a replacement is there a-lot of times.

She is withholding seeing your daughter?

Xan-Diesel · 2023-07-07T14:48:46+00:00

I'm sorry, Brother. I generally try to avoid pessimism but focusing on your facts leaves little beyond it. Like others have mentioned: she had to have purposely planned this. The likelihood she just stumbled on an apartment while she was having "a moment" is astronomically low. She's almost certainly been thinking about this for months or even years and working behind the scenes to achieve her goals.

I'm fortunate to be one of the men who *haven't* had to deal with false accusations, police reports and other court atrocities - but it sounds like you could be in for a really bad time. Nobody here wants to mislead you or give you false hope. Please take their words seriously. I hope things work out for you but please update us when you can.

WestCoastThing · 2023-07-07T23:43:56+00:00

Your holding pattern is an illusion. She wants nothing to do with you.

Snap out of it and man the fuck up.

Acrobatic_Access_905 · 2023-07-11T19:06:24+00:00

Why is no one commenting about the daughter? Dude, file ASAP and demand temporary full custody because she is refusing to let you see your own kid.

Title	Separated and in a holding pattern
Author	sirdork
Upvotes	2
Comments	16
Date	July 7, 2023 3:18 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/14suzpg/separated_and_in_a_holding_pattern/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/separated-and-in-a-holding-pattern.1224415 https://theredarchive.com/post/1224415

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