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EnvironmentalAd3558 Archive

View 0 posts and 1,296 comments by EnvironmentalAd3558 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

Most likely delusional. Wrap up the divorce asap.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 06:07 AM
1

You might benefit from reading No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 03:22 PM
1

Put yourself first now. She is no longer your wife. Don’t be generous but be fair. Remember saying no is a complete sentence.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 04:18 PM
2

In most states infidelity is not a something the judge will get involved with. What the divorce does is distribute marital property and marital debt and confirm separate property and separate debt. It also will decide child custody, visitation and support and finally alimony. These are what you need to focus on. Marital property (and debt) is property acquired after marriage other than by gift or inheritance. Look at the big stuff for this. The bank accounts, house, cars, investments, retirement…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 05:06 AM
2

Yes the choice of lawyer does make a difference.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 04:45 AM
1

Do you have peace at home?
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 02:00 AM
4

You will be OK. Reading No More Mr Nice Guy and The Rational Male might help you.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 12:39 AM
3

I feel you. Keep your focus on the real goal. No more financial entanglements.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/26 08:41 PM
3

Good for you, you have the right attitude. It is probably likely that when May comes she will do nothing which will force you to take the initiative. I assume you have developed a plan to handle that. She really only has 2 options; sell and divide the net proceeds or make an acceptable offer to buy you out and fund it. Her financial life is going to change radically in the next few months. She will be no longer entitled to CS from you nor payment of the mortgage by you. Plus she is looking at ex…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/26 06:36 PM
10

Get a realistic appraisal and calculate what you will net if sold and likewise get a good estimate of what your litigation costs will be. Let that guide you as to how to resolve this not your emotions. Treat this a a business transaction.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/26 04:47 PM
2

It is time to focus on yourself. Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/26 05:23 AM
3

I heard of a couple who spent over 100K over custody of gold fish. They must have had money to burn and other unresolved conflicts. The lawyers were the only ones to win. Her parents gifted the dog. She has custody now. A coin toss would give you better odds. Divorce proceedings are like a dangerous traffic intersection. The longer you stay in them the more likely you will be injured. You can get a great dog for much less than what the attorney will charge you. Don’t sweat the little stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 05:11 PM
7

See if you can get a modification to the protect order since she has abandoned the premises.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 06:10 AM
5

Pursue a false report claim and abuse of process as well as file for divorce asap.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 06:09 AM
1

Judicial bias varies from jurisdiction to jurisdiction and judge to judge. That is why you need an experienced good local divorce attorney to advise you or your chances. Outcomes will vary. There is no certainty with what you think are the facts. Facts that you think are true may not be seen by the judge because the judge is usually limited to the facts that can be proven. The judge is impression of you and your wife will be factored in as well.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 01:47 AM
1

That is a good point in your favor. But if the judge gives her primary custody then a good support system is something the judge might allow her to move for. You might get lucky and finder a gender neutral judge. You need to file asap. This usually gets a status quo order upon filing.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 09:31 PM
0

Sorry to tell you, unless you can show she is an unfit mother (very difficult), 50-50 is a floor for her and a goal (your best result) for you in a lot of jurisdictions.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 08:52 PM
3

If she made this claim (house is her separate property) during the divorce it would probably fail because of it being commingled and title was held jointly. Her best argument would be to reimbursement of the down payment. If she won that issue it would only make a $45k difference. (BTW whose funds were used to pay the mortgage, properly taxes, insurance, and repairs and improvements during the 9 years) But she didn’t make that claim and she allowed a final decree of divorce to be entered and I a…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 06:44 PM
8

For her it is the feels not the reals. You are made to be responsible for the way she feels whether you are or not. Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 04:55 PM
1

Where you entered into the marriage doesn’t make a difference. Jurisdiction is in the state you live.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 04:35 AM
1

Have you filed for divorce in your state?
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/26 09:03 PM
2

First you have to assume the worse and have already a plan ready if that happens. It is clear that she doesn’t care about what you want so you better.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/26 08:59 PM
1

Alimony received by the wife is tax free and alimony paid by the husband is NOT DEDUCTIBLE.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 07:48 PM
2

Or maybe trade your claim to it for no alimony if it gets this done faster.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 03:14 PM
3

She hasn’t changed her mind just her timing.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 02:59 PM
3

Yea when that happens she is no longer wife material. The trust is gone. How could you have another child with her. How can you feel secure enough to build a financial future.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 02:58 PM
2

If there is no assets, debts or children, and alimony is not sought then divorce should be simple assuming you are both rational. That is not what we usually see on this forum. I see that you have kids. So you need to work out custody and child support. If you agree on custody and both of you are fully employed then most states have a formula that calculates child support.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 06:02 AM
1

You should believe her actions over her words. Her actions here are telling you everything. Him on probation for a year is to get time for her to plan better while getting her ass kissed by him. This is not an attempt to reconcile. What I have said is to do what he knows is most likely the outcome and to step up and take charge of the situation. The one that files first has a little more control and can push this through faster. Divorce proceedings are like a dangerous traffic intersection, the …
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 05:31 AM
6

Nope. It is over. Delay is not in your interest. Lawyer up. Don’t telegraph what you intent to do. Hire a good local divorce attorney and make your exit plan to mitigate the damage to you. File first and let service be her first notice that divorce proceedings have commenced. Ask for a trial date at the earliest possible date. Be fair but not generous but keep in mind that the more the proceedings drag out the more it costs you financially and emotionally. This will temper your position if you c…
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 02:43 AM
4

No. No. No. Don’t telegraph your punches. Lawyer up. Get a good local divorce attorney. Develop your plan. Under the circumstances file first and have service be her first notice that divorce proceedings have commenced. This will set her scrambling to catch up. Have your lawyer ask for a trial at the earliest possible date. A looming trial date is a good incentive for settlement. Delay is not your friend and costs you financially and emotionally in the end.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 04:55 PM
1

Having her found a “vexatious litigant” may be a big plus for you. It can’t stop her appeals but puts significant road blocks for her starting new matters. And the label if seen by the judge gives the judge a heads up in any matters she is involved with.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 04:37 PM
11

Time for you to get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 10:35 PM
10

Usually fake victim hood.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 05:21 PM
2

It is clear that she doesn’t value you. At best you are her plan B. Be the man take control of your life and set a new course. Hire a good local divorce attorney, file and have service be her first notice that divorce proceedings have commenced. Her reaction will tell you what you need to know about her feelings about you.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/26 07:33 PM
1

It brings certainty to what you need to do. Once you make that decision and take steps to implement it the tension and stress created from contemplating what to do is gone and you now focus on making your future better.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 06:47 PM
2

When you offer the max you have set a floor on the negotiations. Unless she is very smart with finances she will think that by saying no she will get more later on or if she goes to trial. This is especially so if she has a lawyer who wants to maximize his fees because an early settlement greatly minimizes legal costs. Unfortunately, for many of us the husbands handled the finances and she just trusted you. But now she is divorcing you and you are seen as the enemy or at least someone that she c…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/26 07:12 AM
1

Very much dependent on your particular facts and jurisdiction. Remember property acquired during marriage other than by gift or inheritance is usually considered marital property regardless of how title is held. Also, alimony is tax free to her and not deductible for you. At least buy an hour and consult with a good local divorce lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 07:27 PM
3

Having this connection with her sounds emotionally damaging to you. Then the simple answer is tell her no. No explanation needed. You don’t need the mental drama.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 07:20 PM
4

Know the feelings. But you have got this. Make sure you have a good local divorce lawyer so you know your rights and likely outcomes. That is so you can set reasonable goals to achieve during these proceedings. Divorce proceedings are like a dangerous traffic intersection, the longer you stay in it the more likely you will be hurt. Have your lawyer ask for the earliest trial date possible. Nothing like a looming trial date to create an incentive to settle and if it doesn’t settle, at least it’ll…
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 07:11 PM
2

She has been gone well before she told you.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/26 06:35 AM
3

It is for her about the feels and not the reals.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/26 06:18 AM
8

A simple “No” is all you need to say.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 06:05 PM
6

If she wants significant support post divorce or you have significant assets or debts then you really should have an attorney. At the very least buy an hour or two to consult with a good local divorce attorney so that you know your rights and options.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 05:47 PM
2

You have a job. She needs to get real and get a job too.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/26 07:19 AM
1

True. But when you finish a book close and put it on the shelf. Time to find a new one.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/26 09:51 AM
6

Time for you to get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/26 07:11 AM
8

Divorcing is expensive and you do feel it at first. But with many of us living without her is so much cheaper. You may have lower net income but you have 100% control over it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/26 03:16 AM
1

Time to get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/26 06:40 AM
3

Yes, emotionally it will be better for you. But assuming there is no silver bullet situation and you are the major breadwinner staying in the home usually is better. First it gives you a better chance at 50/50 custody. Also, since for many the home is a major asset and it needs to be resolved before the divorce can be finalized. If you move out then you need new housing which can put you in financial distress and therefore in a weaker negotiating position. With her staying in the home and you pa…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 07:20 PM
1

It is not so much you won but that she lost it by her behavior.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/26 08:38 AM
7

You are not responsible for her happiness. Take control over your life and file for divorce after you hire a good local divorce lawyer. Time for you to focus on yourself. Look into Tony Robbins and get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 04:09 PM
4

It might help if you get and read No More Mr Nice Guy. Correct your thinking. She is no longer your wife and you are no longer her husband. Act accordingly. Do what is best for you and your children. Do not be generous with her and do not try to appease her. Be fair. If she hasn’t filed then take control of the situation and file first and ask for a trial at the earliest possible date.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 07:16 AM
7

Get and read no more Mr. Nice guy.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 07:26 AM
2

AI may be of help in educating yourself as to what to expect. Be specific to your jurisdiction when asking questions.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 02:51 AM
7

She is in a mental fog. She has betrayed you. She has disrespected you and the marriage. You should no longer trust her. She is selfish and keeping you as a backup plan. The relationship that you had before this is over. I don’t know why you would want to be with someone that has done and is doing this to you. But assuming you do, what you are doing is counterproductive. She is now operating thinking that she can always come back to you if it doesn’t work out with the other guy. Like I said she …
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 05:36 PM
9

The relationship is over when they continuously disrespect you. Do you want your child to grow up seeing that modeled. Be the man and end this marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 07:05 AM
2

If you have children or significant assets or debts you absolutely need to know your legal rights and obligations. At the very least buy an hour or two of advice from a good local divorce lawyer. Do your research before and have your questions before meeting. Also you can use AI to help you understand what to expect in your jurisdiction. Also get and read No More Mr Nice Guy. You are not alone many here have had a walk away wife especially around age 40. For them it is about the feels and not th…
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 05:34 PM
1

Look into a QDRO.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 06:30 AM
1

With CS she can change her mind after the divorce because with children the judge will decide what is in their best interest.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 04:33 PM
2

Remember, this too will pass.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 06:32 AM
3

A divorce has consequences. Assets, debts and liabilities have to be untangled so that they are yours alone. After that child support and custody are usually separate issues and are modifiable after the divorce. So don’t use giving her a generous division of assets for a reduction in child support.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 10:10 PM
6

It is a good thing you are in Texas where alimony is rare and highly unlikely under your facts as disclosed. Texas is a community property state so all property and debts acquired during marriage most likely will be split 50/50 if decided by the judge. From what you have disclosed the home and most importantly the mortgage on the home is your most important issue. Even if you deed over your interest in the home to her you remain liable on the mortgage. You said she is not able to pay the mortgag…
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 07:56 PM
2

Mine took just under 3 years. Knowing what I know now that was outrageous even for California. Should have been no more than 1 year at the outside. Thanks why I always recommend that these matters be set for trial at the earliest possible date. A loom trial is an incentive for settlement and delay just gives the divorce attorneys more opportunity to charge more.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 05:18 PM
5

This should be very doable for you. I did the same after the divorce was final. You have gained a lot by going through the process. This is usually just a single issue and much like any other law and motion matter.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 05:38 PM
7

Just tell her that you want a divorce. If she asks why tell the truth but keep it short like “ I just can’t get over the mental movies caused by learning about your affair.”
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 06:58 AM
2

Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy. ASAP, run do not walk, and at least consult with a good experienced local divorce lawyer so that you know what to expect in a divorce and so that you can take steps to protect you and for you not to fall into any traps.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 07:41 PM
1

Time for you to get and read No More Mr Nice Guy. Level up and take control of your life.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 03:02 AM
12

She broke your trust. She showed her lack of commitment to the marriage. Especially if you were the breadwinner get the divorce finalized. You do not want to be in any financial relationship with someone you no longer trust. If you want to try again then do it as boyfriend and girlfriend.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 06:11 AM
3

Even California doesn’t have lifetime alimony for marriages less than 10 years. Where are you?
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 02:50 AM
3

Time for you to get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 02:22 AM
1

You are in Texas, a community property state, so it is 50/50 on debts and assets and if you want a possibility as to custody. You will pay child support because of the disparity of incomes but alimony after the final decree is not likely or will usually be short if granted.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 07:15 PM
4

Be the man. The marriage is over. Take control and end it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 06:59 PM
2

From my reading, a summary dissolution of marriage in California still has a six month waiting period before it becomes final. At any time during that six months, your spouse can recant and make you go through a formal divorce. Also one of the requirements is that you do not own any real property. Question does your purchase of real property after the filing of the summary dissolution but before the running of the 6 months invalidate the requirements for the summary dissolution? So there is risk…
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/25 06:51 AM
3

You should consult a local divorce lawyer but an AI search yields: In California, property acquired by a spouse after the date of separation—but before the finalization of the divorce—is generally considered that spouse’s separate property, not community property. The key date is the “date of separation,” which is determined by when one spouse expresses intent to end the marriage and there is physical separation, not necessarily the date when the petition for dissolution is filed. Property acqui…
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/25 06:23 AM
2

See what the lender wants. Is she willing to sign a document that this property will be your separate property and that she will have no claim to or in it?
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/25 10:48 PM
5

Remember alimony is tax free to her and non deductible to you.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/25 02:38 AM
2

You deserve to move on too and cutting all financial ties is what you need to do this. This is not overreacting acting but part of what you need to do at this time.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 02:35 AM
0

Not war, indifference.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 06:12 AM
2

Appeasement many times just feeds the monster for wanting even more. If you are on the hook for support then you are subject to post divorce motions for modification. At some point you need to say no to her. If your offer is fair and maybe a bit generous in order to avoid trial then stop offering more to her additional demands and just let the judge decide. Trial costs her too.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 11:09 PM
2

Good book. You need to be the prize. It may not help you save this relationship but it should help you with the next one. With women it is about the feels and not the reals. Once they start feeling that way, recovery is very difficult. It’s like a light switch. Efforts to please or appease are usually counterproductive and make you appear weak in her eyes.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 10:46 PM
3

Time for you to get and read No More Mr Nice Guy. If she has checked out your efforts to try to get her back will be counterproductive. It is time for you to upgrade yourself not for her but for yourself. You need to be the prize. Set new goals in a variety of areas and take steps to achieve them.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 05:07 AM
17

It is about the feelings for her not logic. One of your big problems is the divorced friends feeding her with these ideas. Time to upgrade yourself so that you are the prize if not for her then someone else. This does not happen from bending over trying to appease or please her. Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy. Set new goals and take steps to achieve them. You are not in control of her but you are of you.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 09:06 PM
6

Sounds like she should be paying you if her monthly income is greater than yours.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 04:31 PM
4

You should consider filing now but hold up service of the petition until after New Year. Filing first has some benefit.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 06:02 AM
1

If you do this transfer it to a new separate account in your name only.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 08:16 PM
3

Try get IC for yourself now. Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 04:26 PM
2

Wasted energy. Put your energy in going forward. Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 05:57 AM
1

Probably the case for most jurisdictions. How did such a short marriage hurt her ability to make an income?
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 06:04 AM
1

If he had asked for legal advice I would have told him to hire a good local divorce attorney, file and ask for a trial at the earliest possible date.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 04:34 PM
2

Some are free but the consultation will be limited in time. If you have to buy an hour and go in ready to ask pointed questions about your situation. You can do your homework on this forum and online to learn about the areas that concern and affect you. What you need is a good experienced lawyer who specializes in family law that knows what the judges are likely to do in your case. Even if you have to pay it will be money well spent. Forget separation and get a divorce. File and request a trial …
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 04:10 PM
2

You need to at least consult with a good local divorce lawyer so that you get informed as to what will likely happen with respect to asset division, custody and support.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 03:54 PM
7

You need to get a life apart from just working. Set some new goals in a variety of areas and take steps to achieve them. Getting and reading No More Mr Nice Guy might give you some help. As for her, she is gone and probably was so for months if not years before she left. Women have already mourned the loss of the relationship before actually leaving. Your efforts trying to get her back will be counterproductive and she will just reinforce her decision to leave. Your energy at this time is better…
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/25 09:21 PM
1

There is a lot of truth in that book. But desire is something that cannot be negotiated. As a man you are expected to protect and provide which most women need. How would she respond if you failed in this area? You have valid needs too. You are the man and as such you need to lead. Make yourself a priority again. Set new goals in a variety of areas and take steps to achieve them. You should start your new journey. Maybe she might want to join you or at least you will find out that you are not wh…
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/25 09:09 PM
5

Absolutely right. Set the matter for trial at the earliest possible date. A looming trial date is a good incentive for settlement. Don’t try to appease her or offer her unsolicited generous settlement offers. Don’t try to negotiate if she comes at you with ridiculous unreasonable or unrealistic settlement demands. Just say no see you in trial. Your settlement offers should be fair and in response to her settlement demand that is at least in the ballpark. Make sure you educate yourself to know wh…
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 02:03 AM
3

Many have moved for just that reason. California is one of the worst states to be in for men that are in your situation.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 09:24 PM
1

California is a community property state and once it is acquired it is 50/50. Moving to an equitable division state will not change already acquired property.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 09:22 PM
12

Play a longer game. Wait till you lose your job in California. Take a good paying job in Texas and relocate. Wait a year or more then file for divorce in Texas where the laws are much better for the breadwinners. Alimony is rare and CS is capped at less than 3k.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 07:13 AM
4

Time to get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 06:59 AM
2

Leveling up is a good thing. Keep up the good work. Expand it to other areas in your life.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 06:02 AM
7

Get and read No More Mister Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 08:44 PM
6

They do exist.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 05:57 AM
1

Alimony where the spouse is able bodied is usually rare in Texas. Consult with a good local divorce lawyer to see what the judges are doing in your county.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 05:56 AM
2

And file first.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/25 05:28 AM
2

Set it for trial asap.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 05:37 PM
8

Almost 3 years. Ridiculous. If I was to do over I would have pushed for a trial at the earliest possible date. A looming trial date is a good incentive for settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 04:11 PM
3

The marriage is over for her. She has been thinking that for months possibly longer. So she is well ahead of you with her thinking. Unless one of you can buy the other out the house must be sold. You know that. You don’t need the judge to tell you. Be a man and take control. This has to be done before you can finalize the divorce. Divorce proceedings are like a dangerous traffic intersection, the longer you linger in it the more likely you will be hurt.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 03:46 PM
1

Since she is the one that wants money from you I would get her to make a settlement demand first.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 06:24 AM
2

Why haven’t you already done this?
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 06:18 AM
8

Very common. She no longer wants you and believed that no other woman would want you too. When she sees that another does it upsets her for a variety of reasons, especially since she wants you to live on in misery without her. This is all emotions by her without any logic or reason. Do not react to this and just ignore it. It is time for you to focus you and your needs and wants. Set goals that will improve your life and take steps to achieve those goals. Make yourself the prize.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 06:14 AM
5

What is the value of teacher’s retirement package that you gained during marriage? Is she willing to waive any claim to it for the 25k? You need to know what a judge will give her if it goes to trial. That is why you need a good local divorce attorney to at least advise you on what is likely so that you have an informed basis for any agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 05:00 AM
5

If you meet the residency requirements of Indiana it is proper to file in Indiana.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 07:13 AM
1

Sounds like the marriage most likely will fail. I see you are in California which has life time alimony after 10 years. It is to her advantage to divorce after 10 years and yours if the divorce is before. Question? If you weren’t married now would you trust her enough to marry her now? If you let 10 years you have an entirely new ball game.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 01:06 AM
1

Stay with 1.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 05:13 PM
2

This book is an eye opener for those that try way to hard to please another. Such conduct especially at this time is usually counterproductive and makes them even less desirable and appear weak. Don’t let her think you are always available as a plan B. Going NC is the best option for your mental health but not completely possible when you have children. Communication with the ex should be limited to only about the children on necessary topics and best done by some sort of written form like texti…
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/25 08:35 PM
7

Texas is a community property state and property you had before marriage is your separate property as long as you do not commingle it with community property. But I have heard that in Texas income from separate property is treated as community property. You need to consult with a good divorce attorney to see how to protect yourself with respect to your separate property.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/25 03:50 PM
3

If it is still in your name then you need to make sure that it has liability insurance.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/25 01:18 AM
1

Set a deadline.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 05:34 AM
2

True. This is why the home equity dollars are more valuable than the retirement dollars giving op the argument that him getting a little more in retirement funds is fair.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/25 07:52 PM
4

Don’t forget that your home equity is tax free and payouts from retirement funds can be subject to taxes.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/25 05:49 AM
1

Time to get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 04:44 AM
1

Alimony is affected by the length of the marriage but you are already past 10 years (hopefully less than 20). Having your wife gainfully employed is plus for reducing alimony. You really need the advice of a good local divorce attorney for help with your situation. Time to get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 05:18 AM
5

When it comes to an end it can feel so anticlimactic. Give yourself some sort of a treat and set some new goals.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/25 05:10 PM
3

Sell the house, pay off the debts and split want is left. Divorce has consequences.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 07:54 PM
4

Very rare to revisit final asset division in the absence of fraud or non disclosure of the existence of an item of marital property.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 07:45 PM
0

She doesn’t want to be his wife so he should stop acting like a husband. He should do what is in his best interest and that of his children.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 04:55 AM
14

Not uncommon for them to rewrite history. It is done for justification of their decision to leave and to avoid their own responsibility for their conduct. Do your own self reflection so that you will do better going forward. But it is not likely that you were solely responsible for this. Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 09:18 PM
2

Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy. She is gone. Your efforts to try to get her back will most likely be counterproductive and she will respect you even less. Take control of your life and set new goals and take steps to achieve them. Hire a good local divorce attorney and if you can be the first to file with service being her first notice that you have started divorce proceedings. Give her the divorce she says she wants. Ask for a trial date at the earliest possible date. Do not try to appease he…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 09:02 PM
13

They probably do it seeking validation of their decisions or to avoid accepting responsibility for their conduct or as a combination of both.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 02:47 PM
2

Texas is one of the better states for divorce for men who are the primary breadwinner. Alimony is rare there. CS is by formula but capped. It does tend to favor women for custody. All assets acquired during marriage are community property and is split 50-50 as well as debts. Most likely you will need an attorney and certainly will need one if she has one. You can start by just buying a consultation with a good local divorce attorney which is the very least you should do so you can know your righ…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 09:36 PM
1

It is not uncommon for 2 or 3 attempts. You could call him and set an appointment for next week say Thursday. That way you will have some control over where and when.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/25 01:57 AM
2

If there is any thing at issue between you, you need a good local divorce lawyer. Once served you have just a few weeks before your response is due. Waiting 2 weeks seems like a long time to wait unless you know for sure you are going to hire this attorney. You should consider lining up at least 2 more attorneys to interview now so that you will have one on board in the next 2-3 weeks. Don’t play catch up, get your head in the game. Unrepresented or poorly represented men don’t usually do very w…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/25 01:32 AM
7

Time for you to get and read No More Mr Nice Guy. She wants a divorce. Don’t resist. But it is she that should move out. Divorce means that she will have consequences for which she should be responsible. When they no longer want to be your wife you should stop acting like a husband and do what is best for you and your children only.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/25 08:59 PM
1

Try the local sheriff in her area.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 06:39 AM
21

Marriage is most likely over after all that is what she is really saying. Strong likelihood that there is someone else. Don’t do a pick me dance which just makes you look weak in her eyes and confirms her decision. Forget separation. Don’t be her plan B. Straight to divorce. Time to get a good local divorce lawyer and read No More Mr Nice Guy. Be first to file with service of the petition her first notice that proceedings have started.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 06:32 AM
3

Getting your finances separated is a big plus.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/25 06:46 PM
5

Tell her it is too soon for you. Maybe in 5 to 10 years.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/25 06:43 PM
3

Get a grip and man up. You should thank god you have no children with her. Your pick me dance just made you look weak in her eyes and even less desirable as a man to her. Take control and file for a divorce and ask for the earliest possible trial date. Try going as NC as you can avoiding all unnecessary communication. Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy. Set new goals in your life, make a plan to achieve each goal and take steps in those plans.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 05:21 AM
7

Divorce proceedings are like a dangerous traffic intersection. The longer you stay in it the more likely you will be injured.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 05:07 AM
5

Yes, get another lawyer. The right one can make a big difference.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 02:08 AM
4

It would be interesting to see what she said her income was on the loan application for the new home.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 09:47 PM
6

Many not all, women unrealistically see themselves as the victim and the husband as the oppressor/abuser and don’t accept responsibility or accountability for their actions. You will not change them nor will a mediator.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 05:21 AM
2

Getting the kids to yourself half of the time, getting half of the assets and more control over your future income is much better than you are getting now.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/25 08:49 PM
8

Time for you to upgrade. First yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/25 01:44 AM
3

She wants the divorce and divorce has consequences. A lesson that she has to learn. She no longer wants to be your wife. Stop trying to be her husband (the protector and provider). She may have trusted you during the marriage but she is not going to trust you or your advice during the divorce. You need to protect you and your future for yourself and your children. She is entitled to a fair usually equal division of the marital estate. Stand up for yourself and make this a boundary. She will resp…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 09:47 PM
3

How is getting more assets waive your obligation to pay monthly CS? Especially so when those assets are for her use at her time for retirement. When it comes to CS the court looks at it as the entitlement of the child not her. Doing this is has a great likelihood of ending badly for you.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 09:39 PM
1

This is absolutely right.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 02:06 AM
5

Don’t go to a gun fight with a knife. If your opponent has a club get a bigger one.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 10:06 PM
8

Good for you. She is using her unreasonable behavior to take advantage of you and she believes that you will cave. Setting a trial date flips this around if you have made an offer that is at least as good or better than what she could expect from the judge.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 10:02 PM
5

Stop initiating negotiations. Have your lawyer request a trial at the earliest possible date. A looming trial date will be a good incentive for her to come to the settlement table. If not then proceed with trial with reasonable requests to the judge on all issues including alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 09:54 PM
2

Stand strong. You will end up respecting yourself and maybe she will too.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 09:50 PM
2

Check out Tony Robbins to reset your life’s direction. Decide on goals, make a plan to achieve them, take steps to execute your plan. Do this in multiple areas of your life. You will be amazed what changes can occur in just 1 year.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/25 06:25 AM
3

The breaking of marriage vows include not only the vow to forsake all others but also the vow to have and to hold. You are responsible but probably so is she for the breakdown of your marriage. What you need now is a good local divorce lawyer. Don’t give away the farm. Stand up for your self to get a fair agreement regard the child and division of assets and liability. Your needs were just as important as hers if a marriage is to be successful. Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy to help you take c…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/25 06:14 AM
2

Send to her parents and ask them to forward to her.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/25 06:44 PM
5

If you think divorce is inevitable or highly likely then delay is not your friend.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/25 06:36 PM
11

It doesn’t matter why. The marriage is over and for her it has been over for a much longer time. Your attempts to get her back will be counterproductive and likely to make you appear weak in her eyes. Hire a good local divorce attorney and just focus on what is best for you. Be a good father to you children. Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/25 07:56 AM
4

Your situation is encumbered by the fact that you live in North Carolina which requires you to spend one year living apart before you can file for divorce. I would think you would have a hard time trying to evict her since it is a marital home. That makes it difficult to live separate and apart for the one year. Of course, you can move out and live someplace else for that one year. But you’ll be in the situation of continuing to support her by making all the house payments and other household ex…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 02:02 AM
4

The marriage is probably over and she wants space to explore her options, but she is keeping you on the back burner as planned B if it does not pan out. You appeasing her just makes you appear weak and even more unattractive to her. You need to do what is best for you now without regard to her. Take control of your life. Immediately consult with a good local divorce attorney so you know what is likely to happen and what the process is like. Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy. Work on yourself, set…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 01:45 AM
3

She wants the divorce so stop being a husband. Divorce has consequences. Be fair but not generous. Do not try to appease her by agreeing to give her more than her fair share. Divide your assets and debts. Eliminate and close out all financial entanglements.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 06:42 AM
4

Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy. Your needs are just as valid as hers. What does she bring to the table? Or does she think she is the table? Start with changing yourself. IC may be helpful for you.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 06:32 AM
2

To file for a divorce you have to be a resident of the state where you file for a certain amount of time before filing. States vary as to how much time is required.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 01:55 AM
1

Take control of your life. Hire a good local divorce lawyer, file and have service be her first notice that divorce proceedings have started. Have your lawyer set the matter for trial at the earliest possible date.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 06:40 AM
2

You were far too generous. So you taught her that she continues to win by delaying resolution. Stop offering her anything. Just say no to her unreasonable and unrealistic demands. Have your CA lawyer request a trial date at the earliest possible date. A looming trial date is a good incentive for settlement. Most cases do settle but when the other party does not operate in good faith you only hammer is the threat of an actual trial. If she doesn’t get real by the time of the trial then the judge …
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/25 05:08 AM
1

For many women it is all about the feels and not the reals. Sounds like you have one of those. Get yourself a really good local divorce attorney. Get the case set for trial at the earliest possible date. A looming trial date is a good incentive for settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 09:23 AM
2

Texas is a community property state. She acquired a home before you were married and did not put your name on it so it will remain separate property. However, any funds used in reduction in the mortgage or to make improvements to the house using community property as their source should be reimbursed to the community.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 01:45 AM
2

You will save more than that in legal fees. Not to mention the emotional distress in trying to sell when she will be very difficult.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/25 05:16 AM
2

The bone in your throat is the house. I would wait to file for divorce until after the house is sold. If you start divorce before she will have a lot more leverage on you.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/25 05:04 AM
2

You do need a good local divorce lawyer to protect you. The devil is in the details of all MSAs. Texas is one of the better states for a breadwinner getting a divorce. With her income she is very unlikely to get alimony. CS modifiable after the final degree so she can always go into and get an increase using the states guidelines regardless of your agreement now. Remember CS is non taxable to her and non deductible to you. Your exposure for CS is 20% of your net income. So you 50-50 custody is r…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/25 11:19 PM
16

Some very good advice has already been given here. Your marriage has been over for many years now and you are just an annoyance to her or an ATM. You need to be as NC as you can. Avoid any display of emotion. Time to take control of your life again. Do what is best for you. Set new goals and take steps to achieve. Separate all of your assets and finances. Separate her from your credit. You will probably need to sell your home and divide the proceeds. Get this done asap. Be fair on division of yo…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 04:47 PM
1

Maybe in other places but not in Texas.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/25 03:43 PM
6

Don’t believe her words. Her actions tell you who she is. Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/25 06:22 AM
5

Under your facts and being in Texas there should be no CS because the child is not yours and you didn’t adopt the child.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/25 06:11 AM
3

Who wanted out of the marriage first? How long was the marriage?
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 06:04 AM
2

The strategy is OK. I didn’t like the words “beg her”.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 06:15 AM
2

How about taking a percentage of the balance in the retirement fund.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 04:59 AM
3

Don’t do a pick me dance. That will have the opposite effect.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 04:54 AM
4

Yes it is rash. If anyone moves it should be her because she is the one that wanted to separate. You need to go grey rock. Get your conduct as it relates to her under control. Don’t stay in limbo with this situation. Take control of your life and start divorce proceedings. You can always dismiss them if both of you decide to reconcile.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/25 04:14 PM
1

You need a good local divorce lawyer asap.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/25 09:33 PM
1

Solo bar hopping in NYC. Does that sound like wife or even gf material? You need to get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/25 09:32 PM
3

Can she really love you if she doesn’t appreciate and respect you? I know she thought she was unhappy, did she ever ask herself, whether you were happy? Answers to these questions will help you decide what you should do. Whatever happens the old relationship is gone and you need to decide what type of relationship you want and will accept.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/25 09:25 PM
5

You need a good local family law attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 04:59 PM
4

It is best to have no shared investments. If you want to consider this then have her sign a note with monthly installments at a fair market interest rate and a final due in full a couple of years out secured by a 2nd mortgage so that you can foreclose if she defaults on an installment or if she is unable to pay the balance at the end of the term of the loan. Make sure it has an attorney fee clause. That way you will avoid having to go before the family law judge if she defaults. Hire a lawyer to…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 07:17 PM
6

Divorce has and should have consequences. Some of those are that you will no longer act like husband and your assets and debts are separated. If she can’t buy you out then she should sell the house and split the equity with you.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 05:50 PM
2

In Texas alimony is rare.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 05:39 PM
1

Most men consider 50-50 a win and many women consider it a loss. It is fair to both.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 02:12 AM
2

Just like getting into a business partnership you need to have an agreement as to what happens when the partnership is terminated. Your state has written one for you if you do not have your own prenup, it is called the Family Law Code which is not a good one for the breadwinner.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 02:05 AM
1

Some thoughts if you are not entitled to half the equity. Unlike other community property states, In Texas income from separate property is considered community property. The community might also be entitled to reimbursement for sums paid on the separate property.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 01:57 AM
1

Don’t sweat the little stuff. The juice is not worth the squeeze. Taking money from the retirement funds is expensive because of it being taxed and subject to an early withdrawal penalty. Consider selling the house and try to return funds to the retirement funds and give her share using a QDRO.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 10:54 PM
6

To get more than 50-50 you will need to show that she is an unfit mother. Very hard to do.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 01:36 AM
2

Your case will be handled by an attorney even if it is in a firm. So go with an attorney that aligns with you. Don’t litigate issues that make no real difference. Remember most cases will settle before trial. You need a good counselor and one that can fight in court if need arises.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 01:32 AM
4

When you have minor children you are not divorce from but divorce to your ex spouse. As long as they remain minors you will have potential issues related to custody and child support and other child expenses. You are making close to $200k. You can afford to retain a very good local divorce attorney to protect you through the divorce proceedings and to prevent future issues that may arise because of the minor children. Attorney fees spent now can save you from expensive future litigation. Texas i…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 11:24 PM
2

You need a good local divorce attorney, not just any lawyer but really good one that will fight for you in the areas that matter. Like custody, support and an equal division of the assets.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 09:25 PM
1

You are in Texas with a short term marriage. Alimony post divorce is very rare.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 05:37 PM
4

Definitely got to stop the OT or you will never get off that treadmill.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 06:14 AM
1

SS can be modified when there is a significant change in incomes.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 04:54 PM
2

Wishing you good luck with this. Start with telling her that you have made the decision to divorce her. Tell her you have already hired an attorney and the petition will be filed shortly or already has been (preferable). This is not something that you can ease her into gently.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 05:58 AM
1

Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 07:06 AM
2

Set the case for trial at the earliest possible date. A looming trial is great incentive to settle.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 01:56 AM
1

General comments below: Many couple with little in assets and debts and no children with nearly equal income just divide up their things and do an uncontested divorce or dissolution as it is called in California with neither requesting a support order. Let her propose any split terms. Then you can see if she is realistic and reasonable. But to know that you first must first get informed on what is the likely result at a trial. California is a community property state so all property acquired aft…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 01:37 AM
5

Do not beg her, pursue her or try to appease her. Such conduct is counterproductive and makes you look weak in her eyes. Don’t be an AH, do 180 and stay NC as much as you can. Time to focus on making you better. Set new goals and take steps to achieve them. Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 05:13 PM
1

Do a search for “California-Marital-Settlement-Agreement.pdf”
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 06:45 AM
1

Don’t leave the home unless there is DV. Sleep in separate bedrooms preferably with her in the guest room or even better she leaves bc she is the one wanting the divorce. Be the man. Take control and give her the divorce she claims she wants. Hire a good local divorce lawyer, file first and have service of the petition be her first notice that divorce proceedings have commenced. Do not be generous with any offers and do not pled with her to stay in the marriage and do not try to appease her. But…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 05:58 AM
1

Why haven’t you scheduled a vasectomy and tell her? That will put an end to the possibility both now and in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 05:44 AM
1

Time to get and read No MORE MR NICE GUY.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/25 04:56 AM
7

Ignore any legal advice from an ex.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/25 06:15 PM
8

Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy. Always sacrificing yourself and your needs can be counterproductive and makes you appear weak and undesirable in their eyes. She may want you to start the divorce so that she can be the victim for sympathy. Given her feelings, or the lack there of, for you, give her what she wants. But not a separation where you remain her plan B, but a divorce. But before you do it hire a good local divorce attorney to advise you of what are the likely outcomes if you go to tri…
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/25 05:54 AM
1

California is one of the worst states to get divorced in. Any possibility that you could move first to a friendlier state like Texas where alimony is not the norm and child support is capped at less than $3K?
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/25 05:17 AM
1

The good news is that you are in Texas. It is a community property state so if a no fault divorce every thing is split 50-50. Also alimony after a final decree is rare for an able bodied spouse.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 04:18 PM
5

If he is walking on eggshells, try to get him to read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 07:03 AM
1

How much is a good wife worth?
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 05:40 PM
1

If the roles were reversed, she would be going for both most likely.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 05:56 AM
–

Generally, absent fraud, final agreements dividing assets and debts are not modifiable. Support orders can be modifiable after the decree.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 05:44 AM
2

This is all about your wife. Common situation when wives are in their early to mid 40s. If not this incident it would be something else. Consult with a good local divorce lawyer so you know what is the likely result is in your divorce. Sit down with your wife to see what she really wants. Don’t argue and don’t try to use logic with her. Just to make sure that a divorce is what she really wants. If it is give it to her, start proceedings and have service of the petition on her be her first notice…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 12:07 AM
10

She probably wants everything that you can provide except you. She is probably plotting how she can get that and getting her ducks in order. Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy. Consult with a good local divorce attorney to educate yourself on what is likely to happen. Don’t do the pick me dance or try to appease her. Your efforts will likely backfire and you will look weak and pathetic in her eyes, not an attractive sight. IC from a good therapist can help you. Delay is not your friend with this. …
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 11:50 PM
3

When you start at or about your final position negotiation becomes more difficult at mediation when your opponent starts at an unrealistic high position. So stand your ground and don’t even make small concessions until a much more realistic demand is received. There mind set may be that you will offer more when are approaching trial. Unless she makes a huge reduction in her demand fairly early in the mediation it probably will not settle and you should pull the plug on it. Do not negotiate again…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 05:44 PM
3

Delay in filing is not your friend. Best to file first.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 12:11 AM
1

You need to hire a good local divorce attorney not a lawyer that does not specialize in family law.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 06:01 AM
3

Alimony is very state and fact specific. If you are in Texas it is unlikely. Where are you? Your marriage is around 6 years. Not uncommon for it to last for one third to one half the length of the marriage and be a sum of equal to 40% of your income less 50% of her income or income imputed to her. Remember alimony is tax free to her and non deductible to you.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 07:45 PM
5

Time to get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 07:37 PM
8

Don’t agree to separation. With her state of mind the marriage is over. You need to proceed to divorce. First get advice from a good local divorce attorney so that you know your rights and options. Her proposal is not bad but things can go sideways as you proceed with the divorce and you hit any kind of a disagreement. So don’t leave the home until you have an enforceable agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 08:30 PM
7

I know what you are feeling. But with women it is the feels and not the reals. When women leave they usually have been thinking about it for many months and possibly years. While doing this they expect you to read their minds and/or pick up on their subtle hints and when you fail to pick up on it it is just more evidence to her that you don’t value her. They focus on their feelings of not being happy and blaming you for feeling that way. They usually never even consider whether or not you are ha…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/25 05:36 PM
1

Were all of the terms of the agreement recited before the judge at the hearing and do they appear on the record of the hearing by way of tape or court reporter’s transcript? If so then the judge has something that he might make a judgment out of the recorded agreement. If not then the judge does not know what agreement was and will wait until you do have a fully signed agreement or it is resolved by trial and decision.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 05:45 PM
–

Just close down your old debit card account and get a new debit card account preferably with a different bank.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 03:01 AM
1

You got to set up the pressure of a deadline. Get your case set for trial at the earliest possible date. A looming trial date creates the pressure to settle and most cases, the vast majority, settle. Delay depletes the marital estate and creates emotional frustration. Most issues are 50-50 anyway. CS is by formula.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 03:01 AM
3

Lawyer up and get the divorce as fast as you can.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 07:00 AM
5

Start by getting and Reading No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 06:57 AM
1

She probably has been thinking about this for some time now. It just seems sudden to you. Prepare yourself for divorce by getting counsel from a good local divorce attorney. Know your rights, options and possible outcomes.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 07:46 PM
3

She is probably gone. Your efforts will be counterproductive. Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 07:38 PM
3

Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 11:25 PM
0

My comment was in direct response to OPs situation.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 10:44 PM
0

OP said that this was a 22 year old marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 10:15 PM
1

Like Child Support, alimony is subject to modification when there is a significant change of circumstances. The court retains jurisdiction over the issue of spousal support in long term marriages unless that issue is waived or the support order was made as a non modifiable order. So with high income earners with a $50k difference, the risk might not be worth the reward. Certainly worth going for it if you are $50k and she is $100k a year, but not so much if you are $500k and she is $550k.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 06:44 PM
-7

In California alimony (called Spousal Support there) is for an indefinite time after the divorce and ends upon death of the payor or marriage of the recipient unless waived. But that means if she becomes disabled that you could end up paying her. If you can support yourself from your earnings you might want to consider a mutual waiver so that there are no future financial entanglements with her.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 05:09 PM
1

I don’t think that it would be petty.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 02:48 AM
2

And alimony is rare in Texas.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 07:48 AM
8

Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy. Your efforts to pursue or appease her will be counterproductive. Give her what she wants. A divorce but you take control by retaining a good local divorce attorney, filing first and having service of the petition be her first notice that proceedings have started. Stay strong, work on yourself, set new goals and start the next chapter of your life. Time to close this one and put it on the shelf.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 02:28 AM
9

This is just an excuse not a true reason. However, it seems she already had one foot out the door before she heard this.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 02:16 AM
5

Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy. Take control of your life.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 06:43 AM
1

Texas is a community property state.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 07:14 PM
6

Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 09:54 AM
5

And it will be probably worse if you delay.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 03:01 AM
3

Her loss but you can’t control others. It is hard enough to control ourselves.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 02:57 AM
5

Marriage without sex, if sex is important to you, is like having a house without a bathroom. I don’t care how beautiful the house is I wouldn’t want to live there. Are you fulfilling her needs. Do you provide and protect? If you didn’t would she put up with that? You have valid needs also. Vows include not only “forsaking all others” but also “to have and to hold”.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 07:41 AM
2

Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/25 06:43 AM
4

If you are going to divorce the sooner the better. Especially with alimony which will be an issue if you take the $200k job. Sounds like divorce is likely since she keeps mentioning it. Since your wife is on the title to your home she has a good argument for getting half of its equity. Most states treat inheritances as separate property as long as you don’t commingle it with the marital estate. Waiting will not make things better for you should there be a divorce. If you do want to wait consider…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/25 06:32 AM
1

You can and should at least buy a couple of hours consultant time from a good local divorce attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 06:30 AM
3

Go see a good local divorce attorney now to become informed on what to expect and how to protect yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 06:19 AM
2

It can be done but it is usually better to have a lawyer. Even lawyers hire a divorce specialist to handle their divorces, Filing fees vary by jurisdiction and typically run $250 to $500. Most courts have online forms to help. Also there are services that you can get to help you select and prepare the forms whose fees are a fraction of a lawyer’s fee. If you have any significant assets or debts or custody/support issues then you really should have a good local divorce attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 06:15 AM
1

Pester your attorney and if no response in a reasonable time consider getting another attorney to take over and/or file a complaint with the NY State Bar Association about the attorney’s failure to perform and communicate.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 06:06 AM
2

California is a community property state. Community property is anything acquired after marriage other than by gift or inheritance. I assume that you have a long-term marriage probably around 20 years and therefore virtually everything you have including the 401(k)s is community property. If you want to keep your 401(k)s in their entirety, you’ll have to trade her equity in them for your share of her 301(k) and some of your equity in the Home (assuming that the equity in the home is less than th…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 07:02 AM
4

Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy. Read about grey rock. You need to consult with a good local divorce attorney because this is likely to end in divorce. Don’t chase her or try to appease her it will have the opposite effect. This is just a start.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 07:07 AM
2

You need to consult with a good local divorce lawyer to learn of your rights, options, how to proceed and what impact divorce will have. Divorce is preferable for most over legal separation.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 04:46 PM
1

Is post separation debt separate debt of her in the state that you’re at? If so, then the net proceeds then should be first $50,000 from the sale should be distributed to you and then the rest split equally. But does the final decree say otherwise? If so then that decree may need to be revised if she doesn’t agree.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 06:14 AM
2

Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 02:30 AM
8

You are right, proceed with the divorce. If she is the one that filed then consider filing a counter petition for divorce. Her choices and conduct has consequences.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 12:05 AM
8

Can’t be friends with someone who treats you like that making you feel betrayed. You simply can’t trust them. Not even for a casual conversation because you feel they are looking to find something to use against you. When you look at them you don’t know who they are now, certainly not the person you thought you knew.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 12:02 AM
1

Texas is a community property state so marital assets and debts are split 50-50. Alimony is rarely granted. Spousal support payments during the divorce proceedings may be granted. Your main issue will be child custody and support but Texas does have a cap on CS. As a strategy go big for Custody, temporary support, and geographic limitations to keep the children in the nearby school districts.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/24 07:08 AM
1

With divorce delaying it is not usually your friend. With divorce she may begin to feel the consequences of her choices and conduct. You can always dismiss the petition if things change between you.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 03:09 AM
1

Texas is one of the better states for getting a divorce if you are the breadwinner. Usually no alimony and there are caps on CS. Community property is split 50-50.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/24 02:49 AM
3

Absolutely right. After divorce you do not want to share any assets and even more importantly any debts. Such things create an environment for future distress and costly litigation. You don’t want your credit worthiness tried to your ex and her future conduct and needs. If you get married again imagine what your future wife would think about this.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 06:23 PM
1

The cost to file for divorce in Texas varies by county, but is usually between $250 and $350. Google to find the court forms. Starts with the filing of a petition for divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 06:55 PM
5

Divorce has consequences.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 02:33 AM
4

Time to get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 02:28 AM
1

Probably what the judge means is splitting the equity increase during the time they were married.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/24 08:01 AM
2

A question for a lawyer. But if title is in both of your names then it probably would be considered marital. Separate needs to remain separate to be separate property.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 03:08 AM
1

If you do decide to go the mediation route make sure you do so after you receive advice from a good local divorce attorney so that you are aware of your rights vis a vi assets debts and support. In divorce you are generally entitled to half of the marital estate which is all property acquired during marriage other than that which was received by gift or inheritance. Also it may include any separate property that got commingled with the marital property.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 02:57 AM
1

60 days out will create pressure and leave time to negotiate if she is willing and time to prepare if not.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 04:05 PM
2

Delay is not your friend and it is to your ex. Set it for trial at the earliest possible date. A looming trial date is a great incentive for settlement. More than 95% of cases will settle before the actual trial. If it doesn’t at least you get it resolved earlier and stop the bleeding that she is doing to you now.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 05:50 PM
2

Now look forward to your new journey.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 02:54 AM
4

Hire a good local divorce attorney and have service of the petition be her first notice that proceedings have been commenced. And you might want to get a new car your self before you file.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 02:52 AM
1

Yes, that is not half of the down payment. It is FMV minus mortgage balance and some would also deduct the cost to sell (commission & title insurance).
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 11:23 PM
1

If you sell the house she will probably be entitled to half of the net proceeds.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 10:09 PM
5

Looks like she may have lost interest in it now that she knows that you are willing to fight her on this. Pursing this has a likelihood of costing her more than the reward if won. Remember most things we worry about never happen. But if she does pursue you have your game plan and know what you will do.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 09:23 PM
3

Maybe
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 04:06 PM
1

50/50 is the standard for splitting assets and debts. Having said that and considering the high cost of litigation with an attorney and the delay in getting a litigated result sometimes it is worth it to accept something less if it merely is a bad haircut that you will soon grow out of. Finality does give peace of mind which has it own value. You are the only one that can decide this choice
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/24 09:03 AM
1

Consult a good local divorce attorney to know what to expect and how to protect your interests. She may just let the divorce go through by default if you are not seeking anything from her. If contested or if she wants to negotiate it then advice of an attorney is a very good idea to prevent future problems and to get a fair division.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 05:12 AM
1

Good summary but in doing support remember that alimony and CS are not deductible by the payor and not income to the payee.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 01:57 AM
1

When doing the assets/debts division pay off any joint debt or take it with offsets so that she can’t default on it making you pay to preserve your credit worthiness. You want to have no financial entanglements with her in the future. NONE.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/24 09:29 PM
14

When a woman says it is over, it has been over for her a long time, months possibly years. She has already grieved the loss of the relationship. Your efforts will be counterproductive and she will just lose even more respect for you.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/24 09:07 PM
3

Most don’t in Texas unless there are special circumstances. This is generally the case in marriages under 10 years and even more where she is capable of working.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/24 09:14 PM
2

Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy. Try IC just for you. Consult with a good local divorce lawyer so you know what to expect in a divorce. Make sure you don’t get her pregnant. If you are going to divorce then the sooner the better but have a game plan and choose your timing.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/24 05:17 AM
3

Texas is a community property state. Therefore just about everything you have acquired during the marriage is community property and therefore half is hers including retirement. The good news is alimony is rare in Texas, and there is a cap on child support which I believe is a little less than $3000 a month.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/24 01:59 AM
4

In response some then claim abuse, financial abuse.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/24 01:56 AM
2

Change starts with you. Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/24 02:35 PM
2

If he still in the process of the divorce that is like being in the trial in the movie My Cousin Vinny and the biological clock scene.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 03:52 PM
4

I know it is a tough time. But she is no longer the woman you married. Best to go NC if you can or at least grey rock. Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 04:28 PM
3

If it truly is uncontested, you may be able to prepare the paperwork yourself. Many jurisdictions have self-help for filing such petitions. However, you still have court costs. The filing fee is $265. In addition, they’ll be a service fee for serving your spouse.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 05:05 AM
2

Alimony can be a significant risk to you given your situation and the fact that life time alimony is still happening in CT. This proposal sounds like it is something that you could live with in order to avoid that risk. During the marriage you made a ton of money but have not been able to accumulate much wealth. If you are like many of us that was due to your wife’s spending habits. Once divorced you will have much mare control over your finances and realize just how much it costs to support suc…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 05:27 AM
2

The marriage is over. Be the man and officially end it. Resolution will give you get relief and although she might blame you she will probably gain more respect for you.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 02:47 PM
3

Her decision to divorce has consequences. She is not your concern now.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 02:35 PM
5

You need a good local divorce attorney. Don’t forget that a business that generates $400K a year may be considered an asset as well.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 01:51 AM
2

He said all 3 of them are on the title(deed). Wife will probably get something but most likely no more than a third of the equity. Wife’s best argument is that mom’s payments were gifts so wife is entitled to half, but with mom both on the deed and mortgage shows no intent that it was a gift.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 10:16 PM
9

It is over. Anything you try to win her back will be counterproductive and she will lose even more respect for you. Take control of your life, hire a good local divorce attorney, file and have service be her first notice that proceedings have commenced. Request a trial date at the earliest possible time. You need to look after you and your self interests. Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 05:36 AM
1

Your comment was ok it you just replace equal with community.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 04:46 PM
1

This is a pure legal question for a family law specialist to answer with more certainty. But having said this generally it would be Texas law because that is where the divorce is pending. Marriages are performed in many location that have very little to do with what is going on with the parties at the time of their divorce. The courts are concerned with their citizens since they are living there and will apply the laws of its own state.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 04:44 PM
3

It is a community property state.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 04:30 PM
1

Texas is one of the better states for a breadwinner spouse. Look for a certified family law specialist.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 04:27 PM
1

Once they mention divorce it is usually over and it is usually better to divorce sooner if you are the breadwinner. But at least consult with a good local divorce lawyer before you decide and if you do file first and have service her first notice that proceedings have been commenced.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 05:47 PM
2

From what you describe she may not even want 50-50.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 09:21 PM
5

Do not beg or try to appease her. That is usually counterproductive. Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/24 06:47 PM
4

It can be and should be. Don’t go blindly into this. You need to consult with a good local divorce lawyer so you know what to expect, to plan and to protest yourself. I would suggest that you get a good therapist for IC. Also get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/24 05:08 AM
8

Don’t beg or try to appease her. It will be counterproductive. She may be gone already and if you appear weak to her it will seal the deal in her mind. She is probably looking for a better option than you during the 6 months and saving you as financial support to find it or to use you as plan B if she doesn’t. Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy. Consult asap with a good local divorce lawyer so you know what to expect, your rights and to take steps to protect you.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 05:30 AM
3

Texas is a community property state. So if you cannot agree on a split of assets, all community property is split 50-50. In Texas alimony is usually not granted. So since you are in Texas which grants no fault divorces I don’t see the need to move to another state and the wait to establish residency.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 05:15 AM
1

You should be able to file a Notice of Transfer of Title with your DMV which in many states removes your liability as owner for future events.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 06:18 PM
–

Be the man and take control of your life. Don’t wait for her. File and have service be her first notice that you have started divorce proceedings.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 06:09 PM
3

File an opposition to the motion for a subpoena to deny it or in the alternative to limit the time period.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 05:30 AM
1

If you are not going to retain a lawyer to represent you, you should at least buy a couple of hours of good local divorce attorney so that you are informed on your rights and options so that you be better equipped to negotiate at the mediation.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 01:41 AM
5

Many courts will waive court filing fees for low income petitioners.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 05:08 AM
5

Time to get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 09:37 PM
7

Not likely for her. Especially since it occurred 5 years ago. Her position is a good reason for you to file first so that her claims look like they are made as a retaliation.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 03:29 PM
2

There are professionals that can help you maximize your position and if there are significant assets it would be worth the cost. Start to separate your joint assets, debts and credit. Get new credit cards in your name only and close as many joint accounts as you can . Same with bank accounts. Your goal is to be in a situation where you have sole control over your finances.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 01:56 AM
2

California and some other states still allow a court to retain jurisdiction after the divorce to revisit the issue if circumstances change. Texas usually ends that obligation even in long term marriages.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 01:49 AM
4

But if your incomes are equal and you share custody 50-50 then CS should not be an issue.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 01:46 AM
1

Moving to a state where alimony is rare like Texas.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 01:25 AM
1

So will she.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 04:54 AM
8

I did after a much longer first marriage than you. Work on you, establish your boundaries, and make you the prize. When you have respect for yourself you will reject women who don’t respect you or appreciate the value you bring to the relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 10:44 PM
2

You are lucky to be in Texas where alimony is rare even in a long term marriage like yours. So she is just playing you for what they call a nibble in the negotiations. And if she is rational then you can analyze it pure on a cost benefit basis. Most likely she will probably wait to the courthouse steps to make her deal when she still thinks that you will continue to sweeten the deal. She is probably looking just to get the most that she can from you and when through your actions she thinks she h…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 04:17 PM
1

Future child support doesn’t seem to be an issue. So is there no alimony?
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 03:47 PM
2

So from this I assume you have no children or they are very close to being adults.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 03:06 PM
5

You are feeding the monster by making a more generous offer. No more offers before trial or make a slightly less offer. Nothing more than what you and your attorney thinks will happen if the judge decides. If there will be support obligations you need to set the tone now to avoid a repeat of her conduct in attempts for modification orders.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 05:08 AM
4

Open new credit cards in your name only and close the joint credit cards.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 10:33 PM
2

Yes, change of circumstances warrants a change of custody. Only you can decide this question.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 04:59 AM
3

Washington state is a community property state. If you are legally married, then any property acquired after marriage other than by gift or inheritance is considered to be community property and would be split 5050. There seems to be a question as to whether or not you were legally married. You should consult an attorney specializes in family law.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 04:54 AM
4

True, they leave you but many times they still want the financial stability that you prove. They don’t see you as a person just an ATM.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 02:19 AM
10

Nope. Such conduct is counterproductive. She will probably be annoyed by it and will make you look weaker in her eyes.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 07:52 PM
3

Hey fixing her is above your pay grade. Let it go.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 04:21 PM
1

It’s not child support but mommy support when it reaches this level.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 04:20 PM
4

Don’t work more than 40 hours a week until after the divorce proceedings are over.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 05:03 PM
2

Yes, stand your ground. You should have a good local divorce attorney who should know what the judge is most likely to do and you should give a lot of weight to your attorney’s advice.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 04:54 PM
6

Not a good strategy to go for 100% unless you can prove she is an unfit mother. Judges know that if there is a trial that at least one of you is unreasonable and/or unrealistic. You going for 100% makes it look like you are that person and if you create that impression for the judge it will not only hurt you on that issue but on others as well. Be firm on what is reasonable and realistic and make her appear to be unreasonable or unrealistic.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 04:48 PM
1

Just list them out using the latest statement balances.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 01:55 AM
1

It starts with filing a petition for divorce along with the filing fee. There are court forms that can be used which you can get online. Simple divorces take 3-6 months. There is a minimum 3 month waiting period from filing to final decree. Sometimes there are lawyers that can help you for free at the law library associated with the court and there are online help with the general process and court forms. To most it can be daunting and that is why we use lawyers who specialize in divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 04:17 PM
2

That is up to you but it sounds like she is making the effort. If you do give it a chance go slow by just dating for a while before escalating the relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 09:04 PM
1

Hire a good local divorce attorney and file for divorce usually in the county of your marital residence.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 08:58 PM
1

Tell all facts that are relevant but avoid using adjectives and adverbs.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 02:00 AM
3

There is no child support when your youngest child reaches the age of 18 and has graduated from high school. You might want to consider delaying the filing of your petition so that you do not need to negotiate any child support. Petitions can be granted as early as three months after filing but typically take six months or longer. Marital property and debts are usually divided roughly equal. Since you have a long-term marriage, I would assume that most of your property is marital property. Howev…
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 05:26 AM
1

Where are you?
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 05:04 AM
1

By all means write and rewrite the letter. It will be good for you to get it out. But do not give it to her. Given what you what you have said about her she will not accept responsibility or accountability for her actions. The only way I would consider sharing the contents of that letter is if she insisted on have a session with a MC to discuss why you are wanting a divorce. Then you could read it out to her in the session. I would think she still will not really hear you but that situation woul…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 03:36 PM
1

You need to take control. It doesn’t sound like there is anything to fight about. Find a way to terminate the joint lease. Maybe your landlord will let you move to another unit and stop paying on the joint unit. Request a trial date at the earliest possible date. She either signs off by that date or the judge will decide remaining issues if any and you will have your final decree.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 05:22 PM
2

Congratulations. Now that there is no CS & SS you can build for your financial future.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 09:59 PM
12

She doesn’t respect you. Chasing her will likely be counterproductive. You are at best plan B now and her ATM. She may want you to file so she can play the victim. You need to realize that she doesn’t think you are the one and she is probably gone and your inaction will seal that. Regardless of the outcome your best course of action is to file and have service be her first notice that divorce proceedings have been started. That will give her pause and she will have to rethink her situation. She …
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 04:45 PM
1

Be a 100% father for the 50% of the time you have time. That one on one time with the kids can be a real improvement over what you hard before.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 02:03 AM
1

Start IC and get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 01:59 AM
6

She ends up spending a lot on trying to find or get more because she can’t believe that is all there is.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/24 01:12 AM
2

She doesn’t want to be confused with facts. You are already walking on eggshells. You need to get IC with a good therapist. She could be projecting. This is not likely to end well. Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 04:17 PM
10

At least you found out who your wife really is early in your marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 08:52 AM
1

Maybe it will work. But the old saying “hope for the best but prepare for the worst” is true. If you do it, do it after you have vetted a good local divorce attorney so you are ready if it goes south.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 07:46 PM
2

Texas is pretty straightforward and a community property state. There is little likelihood that you will get alimony in Texas. Child custody and support is the main issue to resolve. It is generally hard for the father to get more than 50-50. CS is by formula with percentage of custody being a big factor.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 07:38 PM
6

Good advice in the other responses. Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy. Key is to try to go NC as much as possible. I know it is harder when you have children. But then keep it short in writing and just logistics. If you are the breadwinner delay is usually not your friend. Divorce proceedings are like a bad traffic intersection, the longer you stay in them the more likely you will be hurt. But trying to appease her or by making generous offers usually backfires making her think that she can get e…
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 07:24 PM
5

I don’t know why you would love her with all of this. You need to love yourself more and when you do you know what you must do.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 04:42 PM
12

Stop making offers. Have your lawyer request a trial at the earliest possible date. A looming trial date is a good incentive for settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 12:40 AM
5

Consult/retain a good local divorce attorney. Develop a plan before you file. When you file consider having service be her first notice that you have started divorce proceedings. Consider getting a separate fund for your needs before you pull the trigger. Possibly by taking cash back at the grocery store and withdrawing periodically funds from the joint account.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 12:37 AM
3

Free at last! Free at last! Thank god free at last!
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 06:38 PM
1

Pretty bleak. Do you still want this kind of relationship with her 10 years down the road? If nothing changes then divorce is probable. Talk to her. Seek some IC. If this is not salvageable do both of you a favor and file for divorce why she is still relatively young so that she can have children.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 05:09 AM
2

You are in a tough spot. When you finally physically separate you are going to have such a sense of relief and peace. Keep your eye on the prize.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 02:04 AM
3

Chasing them doesn’t work.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 05:56 AM
4

If you do then what’s next?
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 04:05 PM
7

You did the right thing. Take steps for protection at the exchange of your children.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 05:00 AM
14

You are at best plan B now. Never ever be plan B.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 01:56 AM
1

Delay is usually not to your advantage if you are the breadwinner. The type of your defense is largely dependent of what you stbx is like. But in any case you want a good local divorce attorney with significant trial experience. If your stbx is contentious you need to push for an earliest trial date you can get. If both parties are reasonable and realistic settlement usually can be achieved within 2-8 weeks. I have seen it happen but so many times if the husband is the breadwinner and there is a…
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 05:14 PM
2

Usually when they get no representation or very bad representation.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 04:46 AM
13

So true, with some women they treat the marriage relationship like it was a job. After so many years they feel that they are entitled to some sort of a raise or promotion. When there is nothing else to give they look for another “job”.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 01:41 AM
1

I would not want to be your wife if I knew you felt this way about me. With all of this she still thinks you are worth it. That says something about her. Some IC should help you sort this out for you and get you to a decision. But for both of you sakes don’t get her pregnant and it is probably a good idea to stop having sex with her while you make up your own mind about this relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 05:46 AM
5

Start by getting and reading No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 05:35 AM
1

Most places are no-fault divorces, so is is about how to divide assets and debts, child custody and CS, and possibly alimony not who is at fault.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 11:17 PM
15

When you put a woman on a pedestal she just looks down on you.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 09:39 PM
6

Probably closer to 20 years and having some minor age children is what is needed to set her up financially. But she has to be good at retaining her capital and making it grow, otherwise she will have a good ride for about 10 years and then crash unless she finds another ATM.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 09:33 PM
4

Generally true if you are the breadwinner and get a fair resolution of the issues in the MSA. Especially if she is the type that has to spend it on wasteful or extravagant things. Men can live much more cheaply than women. Before my first marriage I lived pretty well and had no real debt. Soon after marriage expenses were always great than income but each year my income increased by as much or more than the deficit. It was impossible to save or invest other than getting great appreciation on the…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 05:18 AM
4

Nothing wrong if you just keep it to this simple request. Better yet is for you to act like a man and take control over your life again rather than just be reactive to her actions. Check with the court and she if she has filed and if so get a copy of the petition. Hire a good local divorce attorney to give you advice and protect you from her, her attorney and your poor judgment while you are in this depressive state of mind. If she has not filed then you should and let service be her first notic…
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 05:09 AM
2

Most states and courts no. But you need to consult with a good local divorce lawyer to see what will likely happen with your situation in Utah.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 03:42 PM
1

Get a good local divorce attorney to advise you. Time to make plans and develop strategies. Your case will be a chess game and will take time if you want a good outcome on the issue of alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 03:48 PM
4

Time to get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 04:08 PM
6

If she doesn’t want a husband then stop acting like one. Do what is in your best interest and that of your children only. Assets and debts divided and custody shared. Don’t let her keep you as her ATM.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 08:55 AM
6

Follow your attorney’s advice.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 05:56 AM
10

Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy. Assuming you are the breadwinner then: Don’t try to appease her by making early generous settlement offers. Stick to making fair offers only in response to her demands that are at least in the ballpark. Don’t respond at all to unreasonable or unrealistic settlement demands. Go to mediation with what you think is a fair settlement plan. Have her make a settlement demand first. Set it for trial at the earliest possible date. A looming trial date is a good incentiv…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 03:25 PM
16

You have the power to change your future but not your past. Be grateful for your insights from your past, make changes in your present and get a new future.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 04:23 PM
5

This is so common. Many ex wifes will rewrite your marital history. Best to ignore it but if someone brings up her claims I repeat what my grandmother told me many years ago. “It is a mighty thin pancake that doesn’t have 2 sides”.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 04:07 PM
2

Once you have control over your finances and your future you can do anything you want to do with the money.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 03:51 AM
4

If you are the breadwinner delay is not your friend.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 06:35 AM
2

It is no hearsay but the writing you suggest is still a good idea to rebut an argument in court to your testimony of the event that it is a recent fabrication.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 05:01 AM
7

That’s right. You should set it for trial at the earliest date possible. A looming trial date is a good incentive for settlement. Delay is not in your interest usually.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 04:54 AM
3

For some jurisdictions it can be 40% of your net income (after CS) less 50% of her net income. Very important to get her working.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 04:28 PM
2

You are not her financial servant. If she makes more than you now she may owe you alimony. Don’t volunteer to pay her and resist having to pay her alimony. You are both adults and should be capable of providing for your own support.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 04:14 PM
3

She says she does not want a husband anymore so stop being her husband. She needs to figure it out for herself but still be a dad. Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 04:09 PM
7

Narcissist is the new buzzword that many women call their ex. In years past it was controlling. It was used when you started saying no and stopped being controlled by her.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 04:04 PM
1

It was need to know with my ex.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 03:55 PM
2

If she is unreasonable or unrealistic don’t spend much time on mediation. Just pull the plug on it. Set the case for trial at the earliest possible date. A looming trial date is an excellent incentive for settlement and if not the judge will decide the issues usually going with a reasonable proposed resolution.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 04:55 AM
3

In negotiations that is what is called a nibble. Your deal looks pretty good on the terms. Although irritating $2500 will be a better alternative to the likely extra legal fees at trial and the additional $500 a month in CS if this concludes the disputes. The only problem is that CS is always subject to modification. What stops her in 6 months or a year from now from seeking a modification. On the other hand many courts do grant an award for pas CS.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 05:06 AM
3

The juice is not worth the squeeze. If there is enough furniture that there are duplicates then split up some of it. Like take the family room furniture and the kitchen table and chairs and she keeps the furniture in the dining and living rooms.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 02:08 AM
7

It means she has lost respect for you and with time it does not bode well for you or your marriage/relationship. The odd thing is that chasing her or trying to appease her usually will be counterproductive. Time for you to get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 05:16 AM
3

Your wife is not your friend and in divorce she can be your worst enemy. You need to protect yourself and not expect that anything she comes up with is in your best interest. I know nothing about divorce law in India and you don’t either. If you plan on returning to India in your future then you need to do whatever you need to do there to protect yourself and that starts with at least consulting with a good divorce attorney there. As far as the text sent by your wife confessing to cheating it wo…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 05:08 AM
1

Before mediation you should have already have set down what you think is a fair settlement of the issues after doing your due diligence of what is likely to happen if you go to trial and the judge decides all of the issues. If you have hired a good experienced local divorce attorney then you should have been advise of what is likely. Then you will be in a position to be able to evaluate her demands and negotiate to acceptable terms if she make demands that are in the ballpark and not unreasonabl…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 04:50 AM
6

Stop negotiating and set it for trial at the earliest possible date. Then wait for her to make an offer within a reasonable range and prepare for trial if there is no reasonable offer. A looming trial date is a great incentive for settlement and even in this situation most cases will still settle but if it doesn’t then the judge will resolve the issues.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 09:19 PM
10

This is true. She is more likely to value you more if she is made to believe she has lost you. She should not be allowed to think of you as plan B. Having you as plan B gives her added security in seeking a better plan A.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/24 01:36 AM
3

That is what I meant. A looming trial date is a good incentive for settlement. Delay in resolution costs you more in money and emotional distress.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 04:52 PM
2

Most do.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 05:08 AM
2

Depends on the lawyer. Many are just doing it to get the experience, but some are very professional and experienced. The good news is that they will not do things just to run up billable time because they are pro bono. They probably are easier to reach a fair settlement. Don’t expect them to give away the farm.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 05:55 AM
1

The four As IMO justify divorce. Adultery, abandonment, addiction & abuse.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 09:50 PM
1

The old expression comes to mind. “Many a slip between the cup and lip”.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 05:03 PM
2

Since she already had a divorce attorney she already had decided to divorce at the time of this incident. In her mind the marriage was already over but you did not know it. What you have is evidence that she was attempting to have sex with someone new why planning to divorce you. Judges don’t like to make decisions unless they have to. At fault divorces require them to make additional decisions which are not need for getting a divorce and they generally make you show the fault by clear and convi…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 04:57 PM
1

Yes, as to a clear intent to cheat. Has she admitted to actually cheating.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 08:57 AM
1

Usually the juice is not worth the squeeze, unless you have very clear and convincing evidence of a sexual relationship and even then it still may not be worth it if the judge is not sympathetic.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 05:09 AM
3

On balance I think you did well. You save a lot of legal fees. Washington State is a community property state. You did very well with the 401. Since the house profits were commingled after marriage into a joint account they would probably be found to be community property just for that but you also treat them as so when you divided them. To claim otherwise would surely has caused a legal battle and greater legal fees. The one thing I don’t like is waiting until October to finalize. I would want …
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 04:56 AM
1

If the monthly checks of both are deposited into a joint back account after the marriage then the balance in the account is CP unless there is a written agreement changing that.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 06:22 AM
3

If it is wages for working at the casino then there is a good argument that it is CP. However, if it is just a check she gets just bc she NA no. If he owned a house outright before marriage that he rented out then monthly checks for rent in CA are not CP as long as he doesn’t commingle. You must be diligent and keep SP separate after marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 06:10 AM
3

Wages and salaries after marriage are community property even it held in a separate bank account. If the separate bank account was created before marriage and had a balance, even a significant balance, and then after marriage you deposit just one post marriage paycheck it is then considered commingled and all of it is considered community property.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 05:51 AM
3

It is. Community property is anything acquired during the marriage other than by gift or inheritance. Property acquired before marriage is separate property and not divided. Her right to casino revenue is based on her Native American status and probably separate property until it is commingled with community property.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 05:42 AM
4

I don’t think you can fix her. That is above your pay grade.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 05:36 AM
3

California is a community property state. Half of the community property is hers legally hers.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 05:27 AM
1

You need to learn how to just say “No” without any explanation when you think that you are being reasonable. If you want something in exchange don’t be afraid to ask for it and stick to your ground. She is no longer your wife and you don’t need to appease her.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 04:10 PM
4

Delay is not your friend.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 03:52 PM
3

Doesn’t sound like a marriage that you would want to mirror to your son.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 03:45 PM
1

It sounds like there are children. Usually agreements reach for property and debt division is not going to be disturbed. Those issues can be easily resolved many times. But agreements about CS and custody are trickier. Get your agreement in writing and signed by both of you. Then you should hire a good local attorney to draft a MSA based on that agreement where the attorney’s experience will flesh it out to avoid problems in the future especially in the issues that arise relating to the children…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 05:34 AM
22

She is already gone. It’s better to divorce now when your income figures are low so that CS & SS are lower. Once on your own and after the initial stress is over you will have a sense of relief and regain mental clarity, provided you stay away for drugs & alcohol. You will figure out how to make more money and then build wealth without her. Given how she has treated you why share that with her?
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 05:11 AM
2

Man up. Take action. Since the relationship is over get on with it and file for the divorce. Set some other goals and take steps to achieve them.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/24 05:02 AM
2

Tax reruns. Closing of joint accounts.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 04:57 AM
5

If she will not respond to a reasonable offer or make a reasonable demand, have your lawyer request a trial date at the earliest possible date. A looming trial date is an incentive for settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 04:51 AM
3

Fixing her is above your pay grade!
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 09:10 AM
0

Do you own or rent?
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 04:49 AM
6

Marriage vows: “love & protect”, “cherish”, “have & hold”, “forsake all others” …. Marriage is a 2 person commitment and the marriage is over when one does not honor their vows. You need to put you and your children first now. Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 03:55 PM
1

Wishing you well.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 09:43 PM
2

What state is that? NC? There should be a way for the court to address child custody issues while you wait to file a divorce petition.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 09:41 PM
4

Remember 50-50 for CS is based on nights. Your plan sounds reasonable and would be in the best interests of the child in many jurisdictions. Since you can’t agree set it for a hearing. That is what the judge is for. Get this issue resolved and behind you so that you can wrap up the divorce. Divorce proceedings are like a dangerous traffic intersection, the longer you remain in it the more likely you will be harmed.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 09:34 PM
3

Probably. Sounds like abandonment. Either fix it which may not be possible or man up and divorce her so both you and her can go forward.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 09:27 PM
1

Yes, at least file now. She says she wants this. Divorce proceedings take some time to conclude and there is in most states a waiting period between filing and getting the final decree. You can still live in the same house during that time in most jurisdictions and therefore you can honor your “word”. You need to put yourself first now and take action that will protect you. You need to respect yourself and in doing so you may gain some more respect from her.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 04:14 PM
11

Don’t have sex with her. You don’t want to get her pregnant. She is no longer wife or even gf material. Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 05:19 AM
3

Probably not because they usually rewrite your history.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 05:15 AM
3

And you don’t think there was an implied condition to your word?
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 05:13 AM
5

Does she think she owes you?
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 05:12 AM
10

I think the marriage is probably over in her own mind. However she failed to have a plan A when she hit the trigger. Now she is a bind because she has no other options and you are a reluctant plan B. I could not trust my wife if she did want she did. Therefore she is no longer wife material. It is better to finished the divorce and separate all financial entanglements with her and make arrangements for CS and custody.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 06:02 AM
1

Not the mortgage company if it decides to go after you. And the existence of a mortgage on your credit affects your ability to get a mortgage should you buy another home.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 02:07 AM
3

More importantly off the mortgage because if she defaults and it is foreclosed with a deficit the mortgage company can pursue you for it and the foreclosure will be a black mark on your credit. Even if there is no default you will have a mortgage on your credit which can affect your ability to get future credit.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 02:05 AM
2

You need to conclude this and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 06:29 PM
3

Extend a reasonable offer and have it set for trial at the earliest possible date. A looming trial date is a good incentive for settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 06:24 PM
1

Typical. Get a good local lawyer now. Formally withdraw your prior offer in writing. Request a trial date at the earliest possible date. A looming trial date is a good incentive for settlement. Stop being generous in your offers and don’t try to appease her. The ball is in her court now to make a settlement demand. If unreasonably high just say no with no counter offer. If she makes a demand that is not unreasonably high, you can negotiate but keep it to as close as you can to 50-50 taking into …
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 05:20 AM
1

If she is unreasonable or unrealistic just prepare for trial. Ask for the earliest date you can get. Negotiations get real the closer you get to trial and if not the judge will decide and make it final. Delay is not your friend and is very expensive financially and emotionally.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 09:04 AM
3

A looming trial date is the best incentive for settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 08:57 AM
2

Just saw a Netflix show where the ex was payed fees as a consultant instead of alimony. I assume it was due to tax considerations since alimony is non deductible and consulting fees are deductible. With the differences in tax rates more can go to the parties rather than the government. I wonder how often that is done?
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 03:54 PM
1

Could be consider separate property. But has it been improved using marital property? Has the taxes and insurance been paid using marital property or income?
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 05:18 AM
15

And the bad part is that after you give her half the value of the business she gets CS and alimony based on the income you get from the business. It would be more fair if your got a business loan to pay her her half then base the CS and alimony on the business income after the business loan payment.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 05:11 AM
2

Found this for Ohio: In some Ohio counties, all domestic relations cases are heard by a Magistrate and the Judge hears only Objections. In other counties, a Magistrate may be assigned to hear a specific aspect of a case (ie. temporary support, post-decree issues, or domestic violence issues). If your case is heard by a Magistrate, the decision of the Magistrate (either called a Magistrate’s Decision or a Magistrate’s Order, depending on the issue) will include a recommendation to the Judge as to…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 06:14 PM
3

Yes. Since there is no custody or CS issues you can agree to whatever split you want.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 09:07 AM
5

She is no longer wife material. Given what she has done, if she came back would you want to risk having a child in the future with her? The likelihood of R after all of this seems to be very low.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 05:11 AM
6

Don’t wait. But first make sure you get a good local divorce lawyer. This might take a little while but be very diligent about this. Your wife no longer respects you. Her conduct shows that. You need to man up and take charge. That is why you should try to not only file first but ask for a trial date as soon as possible. Don’t be generous or try to appease her but be fair with your settlement proposals.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 05:00 AM
3

Mediation can work if the parties are reasonable and the parties have just a few issues or are very close. But even then I would recommend having the case set for trial because a looming trial date is a good incentive for settlement. If she is unreasonable or unrealistic then comply with a court ordered mediation but shut it down if she remains unreasonable or unrealistic. At trial the judge knows there is probably at least 1 AH. So present your reasonable proposal for settlement of the issues a…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 08:16 PM
6

You do not want to be financially entangled with an ex wife. You have to have separate finances. You need to protect your future. How many divorces have you done? There are issues that need to be addressed so that you avoid future legal battles. That is why you need a good local divorce lawyer. You sound like you are trying to appease her. She will probably try to take advantage of that trait in the future to get even more from you. If you remain on the home mortgage and she defaults how will th…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 08:01 PM
1

What state are you in? When I was in California both sides had to agree to use a magistrate instead of a judge.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 04:33 PM
1

You should be able to keep the house if you can pay her her share of the equity.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 05:58 AM
1

You have lost a lot of your past fight to keep a future.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 05:49 AM
1

Can’t you insist that a judge hear this?
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 05:46 AM
8

Time to hire an attorney to fight back. Oppose her increase, the CS should have been based on her average monthly income for the year. If so no basis for change. Seek your legal fees for opposing and file a counter petition to change custody to 50-50 and to recalculate CS based on this change. A good defense is a good offense. Create an opportunity where she can lose.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 05:44 AM
1

For your wife to get spousal support she must request it. It will not be forced upon her. If she gets an attorney it becomes more likely that she will request it if she make less than you by any significant amount. In Cali SS ( Cali’s name for alimony) usually will not last for more than half of the term of your marriage if it was under 10 years but it over 10 years then it is lifetime if she doesn’t remarry. If there are significant changes in income then it can be recalculated. SS goes both wa…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 05:35 AM
5

Nothing like a trial date to create an incentive for settlement. Delay is not your friend and just ends up costing you both money and mental anguish. Divorce proceedings are like a bad traffic intersection, the longer you remain in it the more likely you will be injured. If she remains unreasonable and unrealistic then the judge will resolve the issues. Judges know that at least one of you is a AH if you end up in trial. If you are reasonable and she is not on the issues the judge will notice an…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 09:06 PM
2

Filing date is a bright line for that date. Hard to argue that it was later. That is something that you control unilaterally. Some jurisdictions will allow to agree to another date. If permissible in your jurisdiction then have both of you sign and date a document that such date is your agreed date of separation. Better yet have the signatures notarized.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 05:49 PM
5

Time for you to read No More Mr Nice Guy. She had lost respect for you. If she started telling you this 18 months ago she has been thinking it for much longer. She is not good wife material now. She has not been trying to save this marriage but you have. You are still likely plan B to her and she is just not ready to lose that option. Her actions have consequences. They have certainly changed the way you feel about her and the relationship. Do not get her pregnant. Either no sex with her or make…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 04:16 PM
1

You should get a lawyer because you are not experienced in this. I assume that this is a simple divorce where there are no children and no marital assets and debts. File the petition. Have the husband served by a professional process server or sheriff and have them file with the court a proof of service. Wait for the time period (usually 21 to 30 days) to file an answer to expire. If no answer filed file a request to enter his default and once entered request a hearing as an uncontested divorce …
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 05:37 AM
2

Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 05:24 AM
2

You need to a good local divorce attorney asap.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 05:21 AM
2

You need a good local divorce attorney especially since you are in California and have married for over 10 years. If if your income is from a business that you own you are even more vulnerable.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 07:29 PM
5

You cannot control her. You are the only one that you have control over.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 07:08 PM
1

If you were in Texas less than $3K a month because there is a cap on CS. Provided that there are no extraordinarily child expenses.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 04:44 AM
5

Why do you need any validation from her?
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 04:37 AM
1

This is bigamy on her part and a basis for declaring the marriage void. Many states will do this as an annulment.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 04:43 PM
2

A good local family law attorney should be able to help you. You will want to petition the court to have your marriage declared void due to incapacity to marry because she was still married to another at the time of your marriage. The issues with the names are just a matter of evidence to show that she is the same person. That way you will have a court judgment proving that you were never married to her.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 04:20 PM
1

What is it that you want to do? Separation of assets and debt?
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 08:51 AM
10

Yes, in California you might well get alimony and because the marriage is greater than 10 years the court will continue to have jurisdiction for future adjustments unless you waive your rights or get married. But this goes both ways.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 07:29 AM
2

If she was still married to the first husband at the time of your marriage then you are probably not legally married. If you were unaware of this then you may still have claims as a putative spouse. VA seems to be a proper venue because you are both residents.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 05:02 AM
5

How long have you been married?
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 04:55 AM
5

Yes, if the house is in both of your names she is likely to get some of it and depending on where you are up to half of the equity. You need to get a good local divorce attorney so that you are informed on what is likely to happen and to learn of your options, and protect your future. Avoid Pursuit and appeasement because they are counter productive. Take control of yourself and your situation. Give her the divorce she says she wants. File first and have service be her first notice that divorce …
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 04:53 AM
3

I know that I could not fully trust a woman that did this to me. Plus the power dynamic would be screwed up totally in her favor.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 04:56 PM
5

Given what she has done is she really wife material anymore? Tell her that maybe you can date after the divorce. That way she will not have any future economic leverage on you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 04:41 PM
1

You need a custody plan, determine CS and partition of your assets.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 05:59 AM
2

Nope, if know it should have been addressed in the MSA.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 05:43 AM
1

When someone brings a club to a fight go and get a bigger club.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 05:34 AM
11

You need to act in your own best interest individually and as a father. You are right to first get advice from a good local divorce lawyer so you know what to expect and your options as well as to develop a plan that includes protecting you. This may take a few weeks. Do not let on that you know or engage in any conflict with her but you do need to take charge. File first and have service be her first notice that you have considered and started divorce proceedings. Get and read No More Mr Nice G…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 05:31 AM
4

Don’t be quick to remarry or for that matter to cohabitate.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 05:22 AM
2

Ask it to be set for trial at the earliest possible date. There is usually a significant time period between the request and the date set. A looming trial date is a good incentive for settlement. Delay just costs the parties more in legal costs and emotional frustration.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 05:18 AM
7

Not absolutely but highly likely that is happening and there is certainly more to her story. Avoid any pursuit or appeasement which is usually counterproductive. Take charge of the situation. Hire a good local divorce lawyer, file first and have service be her first notice that divorce proceedings have started. Set it for trial at the earliest possible date because a looming trial date is a good incentive for settlement. Delay is not your friend. Divorce proceedings are like a dangerous traffic …
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 05:13 AM
2

Andele’s Dog House Resturant 1983 Calle Del Norte Las Cruces NM 88005 Chala’s Wood Fire Grill Restaurant 2790 Avenida de Mesilla Las Cruces NM 88005 Saenz Gorditas 1700 N Solano Dr Las Cruces NM 88001
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 04:57 AM
1

Are you looking for a hotel or restaurant?
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 01:46 AM
1

I understand that is why he did it in the past. But things have changed and so should his thinking. CS is a small issue since the youngest child is 17. Timing for the filing of the divorce might be delayed a few months so that is no longer an issue. I think Cali requires 6 months after the filing of the petition to pass before you can get a final decree. The court should look at many factors in determining whether to grant alimony and if so the size of the alimony payment. One of them is the ass…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 03:52 PM
2

If she is making these claims you need a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 07:33 AM
2

You said custody is 50-50 and she makes $15k more than you and she wants $300 in CS from you? She also wants to pay an higher insurance premium than what has to be paid if you furnish it? That doesn’t make any sense.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 07:30 AM
8

Being divorced is not the negative it used to be.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 07:20 AM
2

I relocated to Texas. Love it. Many good spots but I am partial to central Texas and the Hill Country. PS. Las Cruces NM is just a few miles from the Texas border and I find it to be a better first stop on the road trip.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 07:13 AM
15

I think it is odd that you didn’t disclose that you were married and divorced earlier while still disclosing that you had a 6 year relationship. I can see that you might get some blowback from that but not at this level. Her overreaction would be a big red flag for me and I would back off from her to see if she still wants to pursue you.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 07:09 AM
2

If you split everything 50-50, it sounds like each of you will have $3.5M. Why are you still working 60 hours a week. why don’t you take some long vacations. It would seem that each of you could retire on that sum, maybe not as high on the hog and maybe not in the Bay Area but at least somewhere else. What would happen if you just told her that you are retiring(and possibly moving)? It might give you some great leverage. I know CA is one of the worst states for husbands like you divorcing but it…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 06:48 AM
2

If that is your choice to give her a second chance, then just live with her after the divorce. Do not remarry and keep your finances and assets separate.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 04:30 PM
3

R cannot really happen without true remorse. Even then most Rs fail because trust has been broken and very difficult to trust again. Plus it is difficult to remove the mental movies of her betrayal. Neither you or her deserve to have that as your future.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 04:14 PM
17

She is no longer wife material and it appears that she never was.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 04:06 PM
1

So you just want to do what you stbx wants. She wants $22k tax free to her from you and not deductible to you and you do want to pay a lawyer to protect you and your future. Penny wise pound foolish.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 02:10 AM
11

Give her the divorce she says she wants and do it on an expedited basis. Practice NC as much as possible. Make her bear the consequences of her choices.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 02:04 AM
1

If she can that is a great deal for her. Most banks act out of their own self interest so I am surprised that the bank will let you off the financial hook for absolutely no additional consideration. I guess she is doing well income wise so that she qualifies for the mortgage her own credit.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 10:14 PM
3

You need to move on like she already has. You just need to set your goals for what is best for you and your children. Usually the family home needs to be sold and the equity divided. If she is keeping the home then you need to be paid for your half of the equity and you need to be taken off the mortgage. Doing that many times makes the new mortgage payments too high for doing this.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 10:04 PM
2

Buy an hour or 2 with a good local divorce attorney so that you can know what to expect and your options.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 05:04 AM
12

Pursuit and appeasement are counterproductive. Talk to a good local divorce attorney so that you are informed on what to expect and your options. You have to take charge of the situation. Make her face the consequences of this by filing first and letting service be her first notice that you have started divorce proceedings. Don’t telegraph what you are about to do just do it. Time to get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 02:11 AM
7

Not only file and serve but push to get the case set for trial at the earliest possible date. A looming trial date is a good incentive for settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 01:14 PM
4

Yes, you are controlling when you don’t let her control you.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/24 04:13 PM
2

Get a really good lawyer. Alimony if awarded should be no more than 2 years. It would be a bummer but at least it does last that long. Of course she can drag out the legal proceedings which extends the time you end up pay for her support. Delay is not your friend. You have a business that generates $2M annually. What is that worth including good will. She might be getting a sizable sum for that if considered community property. If so you can argue that she will have sufficient assets to maintain…
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/24 05:43 AM
1

Listen to 50 ways to leave your lover by Paul Simon and just tell her by first stating that you decided to proceed with a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/24 05:26 AM
1

If you have to make a motion to set aside a default judgment, it is usually expensive to make because you usually only get one bite at the Apple. Therefore, the motion should include every possible reason why it should be set aside not just the most likely reason.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 03:48 PM
1

Service by publication is the last resort and it is considered a fiction for actually giving notice. I mean who actually reads those newspaper notices. I have seen the court use other methods that are more likely to give notice such as service on one of the parents of the spouse who still is in contact with the absent spouse.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 03:33 PM
2

Most judges in divorce proceedings will set aside a default upon request of the defaulting spouse. The judge usually wants the opportunity for a trial on the merits.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 05:21 AM
2

If someone is properly served and they fail to answer or appear their default can be entered and the proceedings will continue to judgment based on what the petition says and wants. If you are the defaulter it is risky for you to assume everything will be OK. once a judgment is entered it is very hard and expensive to set aside. The other side never operates on what is best for you. If you missed the answer due date and there is no final judgment you should have an attorney appear for you and at…
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 04:51 AM
2

If someone is properly served and they fail to answer or appear their default can be entered and the proceedings will continue to judgment based on what the petition says and wants. If you are the defaulter it is risky for you to assume everything will be OK. once a judgment is entered it is very hard and expensive to set aside. The other side never operates on what is best for you. If you missed the answer due date and there is no final judgment you should have an attorney appear for you and at…
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 04:50 AM
10

When women say they whan a divorce in earnest, the marriage has been over in their mind for months and maybe longer. She has already grieved the loss of your relationship and has mentally moved on. When they lose the feels for you it is over for them. Your efforts to get her back probably will backfire on you and she will lose even more respect for you.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 02:44 AM
2

Your separate property has been commingled with community property. That usually is the kiss of death to claiming any part as separate property. If it’s $10k then $5k is at state and legal fees and costs will eat that up.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 02:37 AM
10

It is too late with this one. Do better next time.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 02:32 AM
0

1k? That is way more than a good lawyer’s retainer. That just 2 or 3 hours of lawyer’s time.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 02:30 AM
8

50-50, that is a win for most of us. And your stbx is willing to do 50-50. Lock that down and your future self will thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/24 04:48 PM
10

There are a number of reasons to stay in the home. It helps you to get 50-50 custody. It reduces financial stress on you if you are the breadwinner, therefore removing the leverage she would gain by such stress. It gives you more leverage because she will want to settle sooner to get out of this living situation. Many want to reduce you to nothing but an ATM. With you out of the house and under a support order delay is to her advantage and reduces her need for an early settlement. The burden of …
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/24 04:35 PM
2

You are the captain of your ship now. Chart a course for your voyage. It is amazing how much some women cost you to maintain. Most men can live on a lot less.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/24 05:07 AM
1

You need to negotiate with strength. If you in anyway show that you are afraid of trial it will be sensed. Instead set this case for trial as soon as possible. A looming trial date will be an incentive for her to settle especially if 50-50 is the likely outcome. Most cases do settle even if it is at the steps of the courthouse and if not then it will be resolved by the judge at trial. Delays in resolving these matters just increases the costs for both sides.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/24 01:54 AM
1

Nice clothes. Good pair of leather shoes, nice slacks and a good looking shirt with a collar.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 05:59 PM
3

You can only control yourself. Remember for the future “loose lips sink ships” and you should never volunteer info to her and any info you give her should be on a need to know basis.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 04:52 PM
1

Like you are going to church.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 04:48 PM
4

When they are unresponsive or unreasonable or unrealistic, stop trying to negotiate. Just get the case set for trial at the earliest possible date. Most cases even these will settle when they are faced with a looming trial date, and if not settled then the judge will resolve it. If there is a trial the judge usually looks to see who the AH is so come with a reasonable, fair and realistic position.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 04:46 PM
2

I would think you should file a court captioned document (showing case name and case number) entitled “Notice of Change of Address” stating that this is your new address. Date it. Sign it. File it with the filing clerk of the court with a proof of service that a copy was sent to the ex showing her address. Also consider sending a joint text message with your new address to your ex and her mother and possibly her siblings so you can prove that she had actual knowledge of your new address. By send…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 09:59 PM
2

Is the MSA & divorce decree silent on this issue?
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 08:13 PM
3

Failure to agree results in having the judge decide at trial. Most of the time regardless of who contributed what, the marital assets and debts are split 50-50. When either one of you is unreasonable the litigation cost begin to skyrocket and then you can end up 1/3 for her and you with the final 1/3 or more going to the lawyers.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 05:20 AM
1

Have they filed joint income tax returns which are signed by both under oath? Did they report the under the table income?
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/24 01:59 AM
2

As long as you are off the mortgage.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 09:00 PM
1

Hearings before trial can be frustrating since the judge decides based on first impressions with very little time hearing the parties out. Trial can be very different because you get the full attention of the judge and get to put on all of the evidence.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 04:13 PM
1

Yes at least a minimum wage, but should be at her historic wage level. There is even a reasonable argument that CS should even be lower due to the type of marriage she now has being able to be a SAHM. Now she has no need to earn income to support herself and the child is a beneficiary of this new life situation. She has no expenses for housing, utilities, transportation and food. Therefore there is less of a need for CS.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 05:34 PM
1

What is the present value of her share of your future pension? Does she really want it and if so can you trade your share of other marital assets for buying her out?
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 09:00 PM
5

You may have lost your past but you got you future back!
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 01:45 AM
2

Usually a bad idea to have such a financial entanglement after divorce. You do not want to be on the mortgage if she defaults because it hurts your credit worthiness. Even if she makes the payments being on a mortgage with her affects your ability to get credit for a home purchase or a business loan. Also if you defer for 11 years then you may have just bought yourself another lawsuit over getting her to sell and for the division of the equity. What happens if she becomes disabled or incompetent…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 05:25 AM
12

Most women think 50-50 is a loss and most men think it is a win. But that is usually where it ends up if properly represented.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 01:35 AM
2

It is amazing how much money many women need to support them. You can live on a lot less unless you gamble or spend it on drugs or alcohol or in the pursuit of women.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 01:32 AM
1

When you finish reading a book, close it and put it on the shelf.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 01:28 AM
3

It depends on the parties. It can be as fast as 3 months in Texas if both sides cooperate. I think there is a 3 month waiting period between filing and final decree with a few exceptions for special circumstances. But it takes two to tango and many times it is to the wife’s advantage to drag it out especially if the husband is out of the house and ordered to pay the bills. This gives her economic leverage to force an unfair settlement. My advice is to request a trial date at the earliest possibl…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 05:41 AM
1

Buy a couple of hours to consult with a good family law lawyer so you know what to expect during the proceedings and likely outcomes on the various issues, and what steps you need to take now to minimize the negative impacts on your position. Discuss timing as well. I think it is best to file first to take control. Don’t tell her that you are about to file. Let service be her first notice that proceedings have started. Then get your case set for trial at the earliest possible date. A looming tri…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/24 05:08 PM
2

If you just take the money you will have an enemy who will be quite vocal about it and probably seek to hurt you. When you submit your application for the bar, the bar will investigate you and she may well call you a thief which is not something you will want.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 04:57 PM
2

Absolutely true. Delay in resolving costs more than an early trial. A the looming trial date brings to the settlement table and if they stay unreasonable the judge will resolve it. A judge will probably give them less than your appeasement offer which you might make to avoid litigation costs.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 09:33 PM
2

You should be in good shape being in Texas when it comes to alimony after the final decree. Under your facts she is very unlikely to get it. Strategy is to get custody decided first leaving open the other issues. Then set this case for trial at the earliest possible date. A looming trial date is a good incentive for settlement. CS in Texas is capped. So that helps you too. She spent her separate property so it is gone and considered a gift to the community property. So no reimbursement without a…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 10:45 PM
9

You are right. Half of the equity is yours.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/24 04:49 PM
5

That is because for her the marriage has been over for some time, maybe for years.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/24 04:45 PM
1

Yes, if you don’t have a counter petition file one. Ask the court to set your case for trial as soon as possible. A looming trial date is a good incentive for settlement. Divorce proceedings are like a dangerous traffic intersection, the longer you stay in them the more likely you will be hurt. Delay is not your friend.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 05:29 PM
1

Have your attorney set you case for trial at the earliest possible date. A looming trial date is an incentive for settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 05:11 PM
5

It sounds like there is more to gain than you might lose if you take the new job.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 06:41 AM
0

Potentially a $480 to $590 reduction per month. It will be worth going after it. But it sounds like she just started this job. And the final decree was just entered a few months ago. A judge may want to see some permanence in this job’s income before basing a new award. Your chances for getting a modification will be better in about 10 months. By that time you should be able to request and get her 2024 W2s and check stubs for 3 pay periods to establish her new income level.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 06:15 AM
0

How significant of a change?
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 05:39 AM
3

Without evidence you are probably wasting your money and time trying to get more than 50%. Just the way it is. The judge will think that if it is safe for them to be with her 25% of the time she is safe for 50%. That is a hard sell on your part and inconsistent. A winning argument is that she unsafe and you should have 100% and her supervised visitation. But you need a lot of evidence for that.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/24 05:06 PM
1

Probably depends on the law of the state that you are in. It would still seem that the sooner you file the better off you will be in claiming you position that this is not marital property.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 04:32 PM
1

If she is a high earner then why does she need support from you? What stops you from taking a sabbatical for a year or two? Or changing the type of work you do or doing it at a different location where you have to take a pay cut. Why does she still get to control how you work, the type of work or the location where you work? You should have these choices now. Where is her need for alimony? These are the things that should also be considered. If you have been working 60 hours a week. Cut back to …
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 04:21 PM
9

You will do better tomorrow.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 05:00 AM
6

Bc it doesn’t fit the narrative that she made up to justify her conduct and choices.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 09:32 PM
6

Your attorney should have dealt with these details in the MSA. Get a court order for her to get the refi within a short period of time and if not then sold. Stop paying anything for her that is not court ordered. She needs to feel the impact of her choices and conduct.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 04:20 PM
3

Usually CS until HS graduation. Child usually can pick either parent and that choice will be honored.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 04:12 PM
1

Set the case for trial at the earliest possible date. A looming trial date is a great incentive for settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 06:57 AM
10

“Maybe”? Get some boundaries. You can’t be in marriage with a wife that does this.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 06:53 AM
2

First thing is get some legal advice from a good divorce attorney so you get an idea of what to expect and your options.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 06:48 AM
2

Attempts at appeasement usually fail, makes it more likely to go to trial and cost even more unless you fall on your sword. Men usually think 50-50 is a win where wives like her consider 50-50 a loss. Stop negotiating when she is patently unfair and unreasonable or un realistic. Don’t sweat the small stuff but on anything significant your position should be 50-50 or we will let the judge decide. Set it for trial at the earliest possible date. A looming trial date is a good incentive for settleme…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 07:55 PM
1

It is time for her (and you) to see the train leaving the station. Move on. As a man I need to take action and staying in limbo just creates anxiety.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 06:18 PM
9

Good for you for accepting your responsibility in this but I bet she did not. Even if you could go back and change your conduct you may still end up with the same result.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 05:49 PM
4

Don’t expect much even if you were on good terms with them. They will feel that they need to emotional support their daughter which usually means cutting off contact with you.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 06:37 AM
2

Most advise you not to make any major changes during the first year. It sounds like financially you can afford it and even do some updating. Both that and the passage of time should grow your equity even more. It sounds like downsizing and pay higher interest rate will not improve your financial position at this time.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 06:32 AM
16

Time for you to get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 06:25 AM
3

At the very least hire a good divorce attorney to give you advice so you know what to expect if this case was to be decided by a judge. Women usually get a lot of information through their network of or women which many times gives them unrealistic expectations. Marital assets and debts are simple and usually split 50-50. Separate property is not split. It is usually better to resolve custody first. Going 50-50 minimizes CS to the breadwinner spouse. CS usually done by a formula used by your cou…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 06:22 AM
4

She has proven herself to not be wife or even girlfriend material.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 05:56 AM
3

Hire a good divorce attorney, file and have service of the petition be her first notice that proceedings have been started. Don’t get caught up in the drama that she may start, keep your emotions in check. Don’t sweat the small stuff and keep you eyes on the prize. Divorce proceedings are like a dangerous traffic intersection, the longer you remain in it the more likely you will be hurt. Request a trial date at the earliest possible date. A looming trial date is a good incentive to settle. Settl…
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/24 08:08 PM
4

You can’t fix her, she is above your pay grade. She needs professional help and you need to get you and your kids out of this environment asap.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/24 10:20 PM
3

When they are unreasonable just ask for a trial as soon as possible. Prepare for it. Stay reasonable. A looming trial date is a great incentive to settle. The judge knows most cases should settle so at trial, the judge is looking to see who the AH is. Make sure that there are not 2 AHs.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/24 10:14 PM
1

IC only can be.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 05:08 AM
7

If demands are unreasonable, just ask that it be set for trial as soon as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 10:55 PM
1

Is she likely to remarry or cohabitate with a new boyfriend?
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 07:18 PM
7

You need to lead and take control over your life. If she was just your girlfriend and she was acting like this would you go forward with a planned marriage? No it would be crazy. She has lost respect and what you are doing just reinforces her feelings. Hire a good divorce lawyer, file and have service of the petition be her first notice that proceedings have started. It might not save the marriage but you will regain your self respect and she might even respect you more. Even if she did a 180 yo…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 02:00 PM
3

If it goes to court, judge most likely will order it sold unless she can refi to get your name off the mortgage. If your state usually grants alimony, does it make financial sense to trade no alimony for mortgage payments?
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 01:47 PM
1

Yes, you gifted her 50%.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 04:36 AM
2

This is assuming you are the breadwinner. If you leave the home you own the marital income is reduced by the added housing costs of 2 homes. If you stay she has more incentive to settle so that you can physically separate and sell the home. Your fact situation may be different but generally the divorce will happen sooner if you stay. Divorce proceedings are like being in a dangerous traffic intersection. The longer you stay in them the more likely you will be hurt. Lawyer fees mount up the longe…
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 05:36 AM
3

Boundaries. They need to be set and acted on. The boundaries are not for them. They are for you. Decide what you want to continue in this relationship and any time limits for it. Let her know what they are. Then take control over your life again, you need to be the leader and make decisions. Once you have then she will have her own decisions to make. Good luck to you, but this shouldn’t be allowed to go on this long.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 10:31 PM
6

Stay strong. I know what you mean. Just the sound of her voice triggers you and you just don’t want to have that feeling it generates ever again. I think for many women this comes from them not wanting to recognize the hurt and harm you and the rest of the family have suffered as a result of their conduct and choices. They don’t want to accept responsibility for that or to be accountable for their conduct/choices. So they get in your space to see what your reaction will be. If you act badly then…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 10:09 PM
3

That is true men do better financially when they are no longer married.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 01:49 AM
17

Such a power move. Unacceptable. You can’t trust her now. Without trust the marriage relationship will fail. You just can’t have that sword over your head. After the divorce you will gain control of your finances and know what your obligations are. If you want you can date after divorce. But don’t get her pregnant.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/24 01:59 AM
5

It sounds like you feed the monster. Stop being generous with your offers. Stay very close to what she will get if the judge were to decide at trial. With women like her a generous offer is a sign of weakness and just makes her think that she can get even more from you. Negotiations are usually futile and just run up your legal costs and they end up just being more unreasonable. If you made an overly generous offer in the past then any future response to the next new demand by her should be less…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 04:20 PM
2

Sounds like the is nothing to split. Does she want to keep your last name?
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 05:24 AM
1

Tell her ok but the teacher must meet with you first.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 02:11 AM
1

Best not to make too many major changes for a least a year.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 01:59 AM
9

For many, the ones who go by feels only, when they hear it from you they just can’t believe that is all there is. Very reasonable and even generous offers are summarily rejected if made early on. Those early offers then feel like a mistake. Many times it is better to make them work to get the 50%. An early resolution is very desirable and saves a lot in attorneys fees, emotions and peace of mind. So if you do make a more than generous to get it by offering the 50% plus some of expected attorneys…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 03:44 PM
1

Texas is pretty good as to alimony and I have heard Arizona may be too.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 06:42 AM
3

Saving to many women means buying on sale, and to many men depositing it in a bank or investing.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 04:51 AM
7

Getting control over your financial future is a big plus. Usually your expenses go way down when you are not supporting a woman.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 02:05 AM
2

I don’t see why not. All major courts have gone digital for the pleadings. So have attorneys. That is the preferred way now with mostly everyone. Hard copies take up so much space and it costs more to store them or to forward on to experts for analysis and review. Just keep a duplicate thumb drive. That is not the only way to produce digitally. You probably have too much data for email and that is less secure. There are DVDs. Also there are online sites that you can upload to and then give them …
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 04:01 PM
8

Why can’t you produce the pdf documents on a thumb drive?
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 09:14 AM
3

Ditto re No More Mr Nice Guy. Also, think of some small that is personal and that she would really like and leave it as a gift to her where she will find on her own. See how reacts to that.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 05:35 AM
3

Some thoughts for you. For you losing half of what you were able to accumulate with her is worth getting 100% control over your future. Don’t offer to give her anything more than what a court would grant. You need to be the one filing so that you have more control over the proceedings. Texas is the best venue for you. Given your wife’s demeanor I would not telegraph to her that you intend to file for divorce. Don’t tell her until you have file or even let service be her first notice. If you tell…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 05:28 AM
2

True. But divorce sucks. No alimony for most is a big deal. Also, there is a cap on child support in Texas.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 03:25 PM
5

Texas is one of the better states to divorce if you are the breadwinner.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 07:48 AM
2

Absent an agreement otherwise that is what usually happens.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 07:46 AM
2

Be realistic on your chances to afford the new mortgage payment if you need to refinance to get her name off the mortgage.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 07:39 AM
12

Yes, mine did too. Over a two plus year period asked to audit my business 4 times. She just insisted that there had to be more assets and income. An enormous amount was spent by her on accountant fees. This was a situation where there was only a $2K difference in the book value of the business between her accountant and mine. That business had 4 partners so the difference in value for my share was only $500 which means only $250 to her. But don’t confuse her with facts. Also, found out that afte…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 07:37 AM
7

Surprise her and have her served. You should not tolerate such threats.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 01:56 AM
2

Different road but same destination. Walkway after 20+ years and 3 minor children. I loved her. But no effort on her part to address or work on the relationship issues. I felt like you. I knew nothing else for so long. After about 6 months of separation and introspection I deeply felt betrayed and saw how selfish her conduct was. She was no longer the woman I thought I had married and it made me doubt that she ever was. She had been planning this for many months and possibly for years. With that…
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 07:31 AM
3

She is showing you no respect. You need to respect yourself before you will get any one else’s respect. Do not argue with her or try to bargain with her. Logic will not work. For them it is about the way they feel. And it sounds like she feels that she no longer needs you and that you have been just an ATM for her that way limiting her financially. It is just a matter of time usually when they act on their threats in one way or another. It’s time to take control of your life. First consult with …
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 06:12 AM
14

Her choice! Now she needs to live with the consequences.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 01:59 AM
4

If there is anything of significance to resolve then Immediately interview some attorneys and select one to represent you. Then get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 04:53 AM
11

She will continue to rewrite your history.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 04:50 AM
5

A quit claim deed is something that a title company may require to issue title insurance in a future sate.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 11:25 PM
6

Narcissist is the go to term and usually not appropriate. It is a way for them to justify in their mind their disrespectful treatment of you. You will not get closure when they are in this phase. Your efforts to get it will be counterproductive. Learn how to grey rock. Divorce proceedings are like a dangerous intersection. The longer you stay in it the more harm you are likely to suffer. Have your lawyer set this matter for trial asap. A looming trial date is an incentive for settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 04:21 PM
17

Do not have sex with her. Last thing you want now is for her to get pregnant. Learn grey rock. Don’t show emotion. Stop doing the pick me dance. Stop showing her attention. She is no longer wife material. If you have no children and no joint assets or debts then the divorce should be pretty simple but she has a lawyer you should get a good experienced divorce lawyer too. Time to get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 05:48 AM
5

For me once the initial turmoil was over there was such a sense of relief. Sort of like “Free at last, free at last, thank God free at last.”
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 06:28 PM
5

Only one I know of is California.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 05:28 AM
18

Get it set for trial as soon as possible. A looming trial date encourages settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 05:26 AM
6

If she has unreasonable expectations and she believes she can no longer trust you then she is a pawn of those who can influence her, such as her attorney and her other female friends. Her attorney makes more money by creating fights and delays. Her friends can tell her of the unusual cases where husbands have either folded or were taken to the cleaners. So they will consider 50-50 a loss when most men consider it a win.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 09:36 PM
9

You can always date after the divorce. 9 weeks is not enough time to see if it is a real change or not. It will be hard to trust her again after such a short time. Better to have the divorce and know where you are legally with her. No more sword over your head if you need to walk away.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 09:18 PM
6

When they are done they are usually done. Logic never works. With them it is the feels and not the reals. It can be she thinks you make her feel bad about herself, or that someone else makes her feel good, or it is at the prompting of others like her divorced friends. Your efforts to try to win her back usually do not work and she will lose even more respect if you try. Better to go grey rock. Avoid conflict or any emotional response. It is time to take control over your life and reflect on what…
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 06:21 AM
2

With many, when they are done they are done.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 02:07 AM
4

I believe in actions over words. You achieved in one day more than her in 45 days. If you want this over then continue your control. Most cases settle before trial but having a having a trial date encourages settlement sooner than when it is left open.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 11:23 PM
0

Since you are not the breadwinner and can get interim support, delay might well be in your interest.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 11:09 PM
1

It is usually better to take control. Most likely she will get half of the marital estate and debts. That may include the increases in such things as the 401K. That should give you a good idea of a reasonable settlement figure. If she is reasonable and could trust her own judgment I would show her the numbers and offer her her half and a few thousand more telling her that this is to avoid delay and attorneys fees and it not accepted within a few days that any new offer will be reduced by my atto…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 11:04 PM
7

Also, get it set for trial at the earliest possible date. A looming trial date is an incentive for settlement. Is she really going to able to afford the mortgage payment after refinancing at higher interest rate and loan amount to buy you out? If not the sooner she realizes that the house has to be sold the better. Get the divorce asap while she is still in her mental fog. Delay just ends up costing you more both in litigation costs and mental frustration.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 10:40 PM
5

If you can’t pull the plug, start taking small steps. Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy. Continue getting in shape. Get yourself in financial shape as well. Set up a fund for the transition. Gather copies of your important documents. Consult a good divorce lawyer so that you now what to expect.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 05:23 PM
3

A day to celebrate!
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 09:37 AM
-1

Time for you to get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 06:24 AM
3

You need to consult an attorney to see what your and her rights are. The main issues will be child custody and child support assuming you do not live in a jurisdiction that provides for common law marriages or protects long term domestic partners.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 06:16 AM
1

You made my point that a looming trial date is a great incentive to reaching a settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 04:15 PM
5

Yes. Compare what you would get net after selling them in there as is condition. Carvana can give you a quote to get the FMV.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 05:58 AM
1

You were lucky to have an ex that was reasonable and trusted her own judgment.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 02:25 AM
2

Ok and cost effective, if you are both reasonable and no one wants to delay resolution. Otherwise it is a waste of time and money but might still be a prerequisite for the judge to set trial.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 11:24 PM
4

You need to set new goals with plans to achieve them. Then take action.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 08:52 PM
2

That is why you set it for trial as soon as you can. A trial date is a good incentive for her to settle and if it doesn’t then it is resolved at the trial.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 08:48 PM
1

This matter needs to be set for trial at the earliest possible date. A looming trial date is a good incentive for settlement. Usually delay cost more money and she has no incentive to settle it the delay is benefiting her financially.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 04:59 PM
1

Just set it for trial at the earliest possible date. A looming trial date is incentive for settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 04:54 PM
1

Most likely this was not you but her.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 04:04 PM
5

CS is modified by filing a motion to modify child support with a showing of a change in circumstances.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 09:56 AM
3

Do a motion to set aside the final decree because it was entered either by mistake or fraud.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 10:39 PM
1

And you assets.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 06:30 AM
1

True but to many they were getting even less of the post tax income spent on them during the marriage. After the divorce that net may just be more than what you had control over during marriage. Plus as you improve your income you gain most of the benefits.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 06:28 AM
3

Time to get a lawyer, file first and have service be her first notice that you have started divorce proceedings.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 05:54 AM
1

All partners are risky, lifetime and business. Breakups are very costly and therefore you need to be careful about entering into them and have protection in place if they fail.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 03:35 AM
2

Looking back now, seeing what was really there, I wish that it had happened even earlier. Delay in concluding a failed relationship just hurts and costs you more in feelings, money and especially time.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 03:24 AM
2

When they are unreasonable just set it for trial at the earliest possible date. A looming trial date is an incentive for settlement. Delay in the proceedings just costs more frustration and money.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 07:41 PM
6

You need to be off the mortgage. Otherwise you will be a financial hostage. Her financial behavior can hurt your credit rating and the mortgage may prevent you from buying your own home.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 04:51 PM
7

I think it is normal for you to feel that way when you had a walk away wife. But deep down there probably is a grateful feeling that she did leave because it gives you a chance to gain control over your life and build a better future. Nevertheless, it will take time for you to work through these conflicting thoughts.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 06:10 PM
2

Marital settlement agreement is where the terms of the divorce are stated and agreed. It covers division of assets and debts, custody, CS and alimony. All of the issues that you need to resolve.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 07:58 AM
4

Divorce proceedings are like a dangerous traffic intersection. The longer you remain in it the more likely you will get hurt.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 06:33 AM
1

In Texas it is 20 days after personal service. States will vary between 20-30 days. Google it for your state. I see no reason to delay and delay just prolongs the turmoil and can make it more costly. Get your MSA done asap provided you have all the information you need and time to analyze what you want. In New Mexico the waiting period to get a final decree after filing is 30 days, in Texas 60 days and California 6 months. The more time you take the more attorneys can charge fees.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 06:30 AM
4

Try by reading No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 09:44 AM
3

If you could go 5 years back knowing what you know now would then divorce her? Do you want to wait another 5 years? Delaying an inevitable divorce is usually not to the advantage of a breadwinner husband. Delay benefits her. She get a longer term of alimony at usually a higher monthly amount because your income has gone up. She gets more assets because you have more. She spends more of your income on expenses that only benefit her and don’t become assets. You have less future time on your own to…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 07:36 AM
1

With many women it is all about the “feels” and not the “ reals”.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 06:52 PM
2

Some don’t want to be confused by facts and will simply deny them or just get mad that you bring them up.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 06:49 PM
1

Agree. He needs to man up. Take control and file now. Divorce proceedings are like a dangerous traffic intersection. The longer you are in it the more likely you will get hurt. Most states make you wait months after filing before a divorce will be granted. So get that clock ticking. Like in auctions, he should have a plan in place before the mediation as to what he wants and what is acceptable so that he doesn’t accept a bad deal in the heat of negotiations. If you have any significant issues to…
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 04:22 PM
1

How much in assets? You just get half. Attorney fees are a factor to consider. So the juice has to be worth the squeeze. Of course if she wants to fight effectively she will incur attorney fees herself. If there are not much in assets just file, serve and set it for trial as soon as possible. California has a 6 month “cooling off” period before you can get a decree. If there is not much to fight about she may be just all bark.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 08:03 AM
2

California is not a great state for getting a divorce when you are the breadwinner and there are children. With your facts as stated it should be simple and you maybe able to do it without attorneys. Marital assets are split 50-50. The court has a set of judicial forms that you can get on line from petition for dissolution to the final decree. There should also be some online help sites to guide you as well.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 06:07 AM
2

She married you under false pretenses, and she thinks you owe her. Get a pair and don’t pay anything unless court ordered. Don’t try to appease her bc she just keep coming back for more and will not stop until you say no. Also, there is no reason for you to give her your interest in the house. And you do give her the house make sure you are off the mortgage.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 06:41 AM
2

Break it down to smaller parts and commit to spend at least 30min on it each day to get started.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 06:29 AM
1

You have a good attitude. You should come through this well. With no kids, debts or assets there is nothing for her to fight about. It is just the divorce process and the ligation costs. You are about to start a journey to discover the new you and what you want and what your boundaries are. The breakup of any partnership whether it is a marriage or a business can be very costly to you emotionally and financially. It also diverts your time and energy into negative things when it could be spent on…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 06:20 AM
6

It is a good thing that she plans to get a job. Don’t do the pick me dance. Do not show her your emotions. Learn to be stoic. Practice 180 and keep conversations to things about the children. Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 05:57 AM
2

If it is not working and she has checked out it is just a matter of time. When you go through a divorce with a spouse who does not financially contribute to the marital estate you will end up losing substantially all of your accumulated assets to that spouse and the attorneys. The longer you wait the more you will lose. The sooner you terminate the sooner you get control over you and your finances. Essentially you give up the past to get control back for your future. If you wait 10-20 years and …
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 10:51 PM
1

Wow, that sucks! The only consolation is that she will hit a financial wall at the end of 5 years.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 04:49 PM
2

It may depend on your jurisdiction as to whether it affects your case. But assuming that it has no legal consequences, then it is a matter of your conscience. But for me the marriage was over once the petition was filed and especially so since it was her that filed. In my mind I was no longer her husband and that was her choice. Nevertheless I think it is wise to not flaunt the new relationship and take steps to keep it under cover, but don’t lie if directly asked. My divorce took nearly 3 years…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 04:39 PM
1

I don’t know where you filed for divorce but Texas is one of the better states for men.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 03:59 PM
3

What will it cost you to go trial? The most you should offer is half of the property acquired during marriage(less half of marital debts) plus at most your ligation costs. Future offers are then reduced by incurred legal expenses. Immediately set the case for trial as soon as possible. A looming trial date will be an incentive for her to settle.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 06:06 AM
7

Many do. They want all of the accumulated assets, none of the debts and for you to turn over your future paychecks to them. Stop listening to her. Marital debts and assets are split 50-50. CS is usually decided by a formula and is less usually if shared 50-50. You need to at least consult with a good local divorce attorney to see what the local judges are doing with respect to division of assets, debts, custody and child support as well as alimony. With that information, you will arm yourself so…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 02:55 AM
2

I came from Los Angeles county. Texas is huge and there are vastly different areas. In general there are 5 large regions. North, East, South, West and Central. You should check them out for yourself. For instance, the west is dry, the east is humid. You can get hurricanes in the east and south and the north is more likely to get tornadoes and snow than the other regions. I picked the Hill Country in Central Texas. It has a mild 4 seasons, usually green and very little to no snow in the winter. H…
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 07:11 AM
1

I moved from California to Texas 12 years ago. It was a great decision for me.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 06:23 AM
2

You should be able to find an experienced family law lawyer in your area who you can consult with on an hourly bases. But you already have an ex that believes she is entitled to permanent alimony. That is a problem for you. And a lot is at stake. Permanent alimony in many state now are limited to situations where the ex can not rehabilitated back into the employment market where they can find employment to support them.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 06:16 AM
6

I think you would do much better with a good attorney with the judge at trial.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 06:39 AM
1

The waiver is quite common. If you sign and return it you still can negotiate the terms of a MSA. if they have the waiver you do not need to be formally served with the petition and citation/summons and it starts the number of days for you to file your response with the court. With that said, you need your own attorney to advise and represent you. Find one asap and you may wait on the waiver until to hire an attorney and discuss it with the lawyer. Signing the waiver now just starts the clock ti…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 06:28 AM
0

If you do not get fair market value paid by your relative for the home then it in most states could be argued that it was a fraudulent conveyance under the State’s Uniform Fraudulent Conveyance Act. If you were paid the fair value for it then that would be subject to a claim that it is part of the marital estate. You can’t give away marital property without having consequences. It unlikely that none of the equity would be considered as part of the marital estate. The possibilities are that at le…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 10:28 PM
3

Mentally set a short deadline for her to sign off on what was agreed at mediation. If you don’t have your signed agreement by that date set the case for trial at the earliest possible date. A looming trial date is a great incentive for settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 06:43 AM
4

I would have a hard time ever trusting her again if it was my wife. The peace OP has now with her gone from the house speaks volumes. It sounds like this is a situation where the juice is not worth the squeeze.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 06:35 AM
8

Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 06:58 AM
5

Don’t sweat the small stuff. Get it done. I would let her have any dog stuff she wanted to get this final. But if you want to do this on a 50-50 basis, then get 2 boxes. Put half of the dog stuff in each as you see fit. Then let her choose which box she wants. If she doesn’t like how you split the stuff in the boxes, let her split the stuff into 2 boxes and you then get to choose which box you want.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 06:42 AM
2

Get this case set for trial at the earliest possible date. A looming trial date is a great incentive for settlement. Of course you want to be off the mortgage. That means she has to refi and she probably will not qualify and can not make the P&I payments if she did. Even if it’s for the $395k and if you were to get your equity the loan payments could exceed $4k a month. This may take some time for her to realize. So don’t be quick to offer her your equity. Let her stew with the problem so that s…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 08:48 AM
9

With a final decree all of the resolved issues are final with the exception of CS and custody which remain modifiable based on changed circumstances.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 10:57 PM
6

R usually doesn’t work unless you are truly remorseful and both of you want it. Your post doesn’t sound like you are or do.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 06:26 AM
14

Pursuing them when it reaches this state is counterproductive. This relationship is over for her and probably has been for several years. Don’t try to appease her or do anything remotely looking like the pick me dance. Take action and control of your life again. Hire a good divorce attorney and file as soon as you can asking for an early trial date. Don’t tell her what you’re about to do just do it. Decide what you want to get out of this divorce bearing in mind that usually everything in the ma…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 06:21 AM
1

Do you still love her or is it too late? If not divorce her and start the new chapter of your life. If you do there is a huge chance that this change in her is only temporary. And of course you have lost any trust that she will be a good wife even after a few years from now. Maybe you need to get rid of the marriage and the legal obligations that hang over your head with that status. If you want to continue the relationship maybe it might work if you are no longer married and just bf & gf. If so…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 06:58 AM
11

Divorce may well cost you the fruits of your past efforts where they are subject to the whims/destruction by your wife, but you regain 100% control of at least a significant portion of your future efforts.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 02:46 AM
3

Texas is good. Usually no alimony and CS gets capped. Assets and debts usually split 50-50 if marital. It is always good to get them working before the filing of the petition.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 02:41 AM
2

Stop trying to appease her. Decide on what you want for yourself and your kids and take steps to get it. She is not your wife anymore and neither are you her husband because her conduct and choices have consequences. It is time that she gets to feel the effects of her choices. Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy. Try to go NC as much as possible limiting discussions to what is necessary for the children. You probably need to reset her expectations as to division of marital assets and debts which no…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 08:21 AM
3

And a really good one. Alimony laws recently changed in Florida and they appear to be more favorable to the breadwinner spouse now.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 08:02 AM
6

Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 08:28 AM
5

With your history I would say no to mediation. If she wants to change custody she can write up her proposal and if you agree then you can submit the revision to the judge. Otherwise she will have to show the judge at the hearing a change in circumstances to justify revision and why she did not make that showing in her motion and why she did not include in her request in the moving papers. This holds her toes to the fire and lessens the chance that she continues to take you back to court in the f…
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 05:42 PM
3

Judge probably wants to see where you are in terms of settlement of the issues, and to see what issues will be tried, how much court time needed for that trial and to set a trial date and/or another hearing to update.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 05:16 PM
2

I understand now where you are coming from. It is not our experience in the USA. Even still I would get it to a decree asap bc as they say many a slip between the cup and lip. You don’t want any change of circumstances to happen that would be a claim to not enforce the agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 09:45 PM
2

What jurisdiction?
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 09:38 PM
4

Yes. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 09:36 PM
10

Keep your fingers crossed that she signs. Then run do not walk to get this filed with the court and to a final decree as soon as as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 07:40 PM
6

This is an unreasonable demand. I assume you have her 50-50 split. Stop negotiating with her until she lower her demand to something close to 50-50. Set this matter for trial asap. A looming trial date encourages settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 07:32 PM
2

I think your conduct will just prolong the proceedings. Don’t put your hope in a resolution at mediation. Delay is to her benefit not yours. What you need to do is set this matter for trial at the earliest possible date. A looming trial date encourages settlement. Then mediation with trial around the corner is more likely to be successful. Also, staying in the home encourages an earlier settlement. Staying is usually always more difficult. I realize sometimes that is not possible. But when you a…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 07:27 PM
1

Most men see 50-50 as a win while many women see 50-50 as a loss. Courts usually if they have split marital assets and debts do so 50-50. Don’t try to induce her by appeasing some of her unreasonable demands. She will drag it out thinking she will even get more down the road. Don’t bid against yourself and stop negotiating if all she does is make unreasonable demands. Just set it for trial as soon as possible. A looming trial date is a great incentive for her to settle. You should always conside…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 06:24 AM
1

Did you pay the $38 before she filed for the contempt order?
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 06:07 AM
2

Given what you said the marriage is really over. Don’t talk to her about divorce. Hire a good lawyer. Get a good plan to protect you as much as possible. File the petition and have service be her first notice that you have decided to divorce her. Delay in doing this is not in your favor.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 06:04 AM
5

With the divorce you may end up losing a very large part of the fruits of your past efforts but you should regain 100% of at least a significant part of your future efforts, something that you did not have during the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 05:57 AM
2

It is OK to do some self reflection. It will make you a better man for the next relationship. Women are creatures sometimes very different from men. They never forget how they felt from past hurts. It is like they have a magic number of times that you can hurt them and once you hit that number it is like a light switch and they no longer have feelings for you. The past hurts are relived and revised to magnify the hurt and it is virtually impossible to do anything to change the way they feel. Tha…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 10:33 PM
2

California had jurisdiction if one of you had been a resident for at least six months prior to the filing of the petition. It sounds like you have a good argument that you should remove this case from California because neither one of you is now a resident. The obvious choice is Arizona at this point because both your wife and the children are there and you are not in California any longer. You will probably do much better on the alimony issue and possibly the child support issue as well in Ariz…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 07:15 AM
1

Arizona is a much better state for yo. Maybe you can get her to agree to your dismissal of the petition in California so that she can file in Arizona. Tell you that way she will have a local court near her make the rulings and it will be less disruptive to the kids on court dates. You can agree to pay the filing fee. This is probably a long shot but if you get it, it should be well worth it to you. Unfortunately because she has responded to the California petition you can not do this unilaterall…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 07:01 AM
2

California is a terrible jurisdiction for most men especially when the marriage is over 10 years.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 06:44 AM
1

Did she counter sue for a dissolution of the marriage or just answer the petition?
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 06:41 AM
1

Who filed the petition?
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 06:37 AM
2

Ask for a trial date as soon as possible. A looming trial date encourages settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 06:43 AM
5

Get a better lawyer, you can afford it and more importantly you can not afford what it might cost you if you don’t.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 08:20 AM
1

Run.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 08:15 AM
1

Texas is one of the better states to get divorce if you are the breadwinner. It is community property state so division of property and debts is much clearer. It does have a drawback that income from separate property during marriage is considered community property. Also, it has cap on CS and alimony is rare.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 08:14 AM
3

Good for you. Best of luck.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 08:04 AM
11

When a woman tells you this she has been thinking about this probably for a few years. It is almost impossible to come back from this state. It is all about the feelings and she is blaming you for how she feels. You doing the pick me dance is counterproductive and she will probably lose even more respect for you. Don’t get me wrong it is a time for self reflection and you should try to be a better man, but for yourself not her. IC might help with that. Making your wife happy is above your pay gr…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 08:00 AM
1

Credit card applications and mortgage applications should have them too.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 02:26 AM
2

If you have a joint bank account the bank has both of you SSNs and you can ask the bank to see what they have.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 08:27 PM
3

She has made her choice. So now it is definitely the time to be the man. Take control of this situation. Hire a good lawyer now if you and try to be the first to file so that you can have a little more control and set this for trial asap. A looming trial date encourages settlement. She might be in the fog of an affair. She is acting like she is single and although she is just an intern she may be in an environment conducive for at least an EA. Divorce proceedings are like a dangerous traffic int…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 05:46 PM
1

Wife should not get the house in divorce but she might get a percentage of the increase in the value of your equity. That can be offset by giving her a greater share in other marital property or in exchange for your claim for alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 07:50 AM
1

My language is dated but the same concept applies to claiming credits for children. Plus it looks like he negotiated it away when CS was reduced from $1400 to $1100.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 11:50 PM
2

Parents collectively only get 1 exemption whether married or not. The IRS wants as much taxes as it can get. That is why the breadwinner in a divorce can not deduct CS and alimony paid to the other.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 07:25 PM
3

Where is your money being deposited now? You should take control of your finances and from this point forward deposit your money in a bank account that only you control. This is financial abuse by her. You can’t trust her now with your financial health. You need to talk to a lawyer now and consider divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 05:29 PM
1

This house is community property and you are entitled to half of the equity without repayment of her down payment. Set it for trial asap. A looming trial date encourages settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 05:15 PM
8

She is no longer your wife. That was her choice. She is still trying to use you as a husband to satisfy some of her needs. Stop this. When it comes to the children you are just coparents. Because you are in divorce proceedings you are adversaries as to assets, debts and your income. You are right to grey rock. Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 04:31 PM
10

Without kids you are divorced from but with kids you are divorced to.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 04:20 PM
2

With a long term marriage just about everything is marital property and split 50-50. Default for the house is to sell and split the proceeds. If she wants to keep the house then she needs to pay you 1/2 of the equity. You quitclaim title to her and she refis the house for $290k + your buy out. Now with higher interest rates the spouse that wants the house many times cannot afford the new mortgage payment. You may need tax advice on this because with a sale $500k is tax free to both of you. At th…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 09:36 AM
2

Divorce proceedings are like being in a bad traffic intersection. The longer you stay in it the more likely you will be harmed. Many times concessions or efforts to appease just prolong the process because they think they will get even more down the road. Delay in resolution many times benefits the ex and hurts you. Don’t ever offer more than 50-50, stop negotiating and set the matter for trial at the earliest date you can get. Most cases do settle especially when the trial date is looming.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 10:14 PM
3

For the judge to consider the exhibit it must be admitted into evidence. Until admitted they are marked for identification only so if there is an appeal and the judge refused to admit it the judges on appeal will know what was talked about. Exhibits can be admitted when both sides agree and absent agreement by the judge if a foundation is laid. Many exhibits are sometimes marked just in case they may be needed, but then not used at trial because of developments in the testimony, as when a witnes…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 05:43 PM
1

Texas like California is a community property state. All property acquired after marriage, other than by gift or descent, regardless of how title is held is community property. However, usually only the titled owner of a vehicle is responsible for injuries and damages caused by the vehicle while driven by a permissive driver. With that said her are some points to consider: don’t terminate insurance without giving her notice and time to acquire replacement coverage once she has the notice what wi…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 05:31 PM
5

I don’t have an answer to your question but usually waiting does not help the higher earner nor the financially responsible partner.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 09:49 AM
3

Even though it is less you have 100% control over something now. For me I was left with more discretionary money to spend on myself than I even had during marriage. It is truly amazing how much having a wife costs.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 09:33 AM
5

You are just making sure that she only gets what she is legally entitled too. Same for you.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 10:59 PM
4

You can tell what you have decided. Don’t ask or argue. Time to read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 06:34 AM
4

That is a good and fair result and more importantly you get control over your life and finances again.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 06:29 AM
9

What is the likely result if you just let the judge decide? Florida just got rid of permanent alimony. It certainly seems unfair that you have to pay her now for 1/2 of the value of your business then also give her 1/2 of your net income for your labor in the business. By analogy, let say you have a grove of fruit trees, she wants you to pay her 1/2 the value the trees and still get 1/2 of the fruit upon harvest. Why would she get both? A lot of places no longer give alimony or significant alimo…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 06:22 AM
2

It is time to get a second legal opinion from a top notch family law lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 06:26 PM
1

And non deductible to him as well as the CS payment.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 07:02 AM
1

Of course, that was true when I got divorced too. True for that time period but not now nor for the last 6 years. He is talking about now. I think the feds did this to get more taxes since these payments usually are from the higher income spouse to a spouse with no or lower income. That way that money gets the higher tax rate.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 01:23 AM
1

Not the federal government.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 04:34 PM
2

The longer you wait the more it is going to cost you. After divorce you’re at least 100% in charge of what you have after CS and alimony, neither of which are permanent. Now you are not 100% in charge of anything and subject to her financial excesses. When I was first divorce I got about 50% of my paycheck but that was far more for me than I was getting during the marriage. Keeping a wife is very expensive and you need to love her and she you to make it worth it. Staying in a dead marriage is no…
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 06:02 AM
10

Remember both alimony and CS payments are tax free to her and not deductible to you.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 05:46 AM
8

See what her demand is first. Don’t bid against yourself. Make her work to get the settlement through back and forth negotiations. Women many times think 50-50 is a loss while men think it as a win. Marital assets and debts are usually spilt 50-50. CS is by formula usually and almost a nonissue due to your son’s age since it is over at 18. Alimony differs from state to state and your attorney is your guide here. Personally, if I was in your shoes, given that there doesn’t look like you have accu…
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 03:00 AM
6

Get your case set for trial. A looming trial date encourages settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 06:52 AM
3

CS is usually by a formula in most states. So you can get an idea by applying it to your and her income. The variables are if she is underemployed will the court impute additional income to her and the impact of your percentage of custody. Looks like just for the houses she might get $25k because marital property is split 50-50. As for your retirement she would probably have a claim for 50% of the post marriage increase paid out in a QDRO. Remember CS and any alimony are income tax free to her a…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/24 05:53 PM
1

The CS $ number is shared. So some to your x based on income and some based on percentage custody. 50-50 custody should minimize your amount to be paid to your x. Of course you pay then for more of the living expenses of your child directly.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/24 05:36 PM
1

I see that Arkansas has a chart for CS based on combined gross income. Looks like you are around $800. But that probably is allocated based on each of your individual incomes and percentage of custody. It seems like your marriage was short term probably between 2 & 4 years and if there is any alimony it coulee as short as one or two years. I live in Texas and there wouldn’t likely be any alimony here for these facts. You can hire a local divorce attorney to just answer a few questions and run th…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/24 06:32 AM
2

What of real value do you have to fight about. Don’t sweat the little stuff. Get out of the marriage with your future intact. Don’t spend $5k on legal fees to just get $5k in assets.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/24 06:10 AM
6

She left you after 3 weeks. Looks like you dodged a bullet. You might be able to get an annulment.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/24 05:56 AM
1

Good luck. Too bad this mediation did not occur while she was still in the affair fog. Go to mediation with a reasonable plan based on what is likely to happen if a judge decides. If she is unreasonable don’t negotiate and in fact consider taking something minor off the table. If reasonable get it done and in writing signed by both of you at the mediation. If she stays unreasonable then terminate the mediation and get a trial date at the earliest date you can get.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 06:52 AM
2

These are not good signs and dead bedrooms usually just get worse with time. You definitely do not want any more children with her. You need to consult with a divorce attorney so that you know what to expect should it go that way and learn how to prepare for and protect yourself if there is a divorce. Once she gets out of the academy she should be able to get a full time job with usually pretty good benefits which is a good thing if you divorce. Her working full time makes it more likely that yo…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 06:16 AM
1

You are correct that to get a true 50-50 custody you would have to live nearby in either Hawaii or in the Midwest. Courts still favor mothers in this situation and their state residents too. Especially if the child is young. But you do have an argument with the 6 months vs 6 years especially so if the 6 years were all school years. This will heavily depend on the biases of the judge that is appointed to handle your case. Get a good attorney that knows the judge as well.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 11:48 PM
1

You are correct that to get a true 50-50 custody you would have to live nearby in either Hawaii or in the Midwest. Courts still favor mothers in this situation and their state residents too. Especially if the child is young. But you do have an argument with the 6 months vs 6 years especially so if the 6 years were all school years. This will heavily depend on the biases of the judge that is appointed to handle your case. Get a good attorney that knows the judge as well.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 11:44 PM
2

You need an attorney and a good one. You will be taken to the cleaners if you just leave and do not contest. In divorce marital assets and debts are usually split 50-50. In Hawaii alimony is usually not for a long period. CS is usually based on a formula. More and more courts today are doing 50-50 custody if requested. It might be difficult to get a local court to permit taking the child out of it’s jurisdiction. Get an attorney and don’t give up on yourself or your daughter.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 11:26 PM
1

You are negotiating against yourself. You have already set a wrong tone. You should treat this like a business transaction. In most cases she will get 50% of the marital assets and debts. CS is set by a formula based on you actually income and her income (actual or what the court might impute to her). Alimony is less certain and depends on the state you are in. You need to consult with an attorney to know what is expected in your state. I am in Texas and it is rare here. In California for marria…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 08:06 PM
2

If you are happy with the attorney then i would stay with that attorney who already knows your case. 45 miles is really not that far and most cases end in a settlement agreement through either mediation or negotiations or both.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 05:52 PM
2

She stopped being a wife so it is time for you to stop acting like a husband. Go for 59-50 on every thing. Get it filed and have service be her first notice that the proceedings have started. Set it for trial as soon as you can. Just say no to her demands unless they are for 50-50.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 06:05 AM
5

Community property and debt is split 50-50. Generally Community Property is anything acquired after marriage by either of you unless if was a separate gift or inheritance to you. That includes contributions after marriage to preexisting retirement funds. Child support is usually done based on a formula using as factors you & your wife’s income and how custody is shared. Ideally if your incomes were equal and you share custody on a 50-50 basis then the would be no CS. Alimony, called spousal supp…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 06:31 AM
18

She in her mind left the relationship long before you knew.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 03:04 AM
2

Trading your past accumulations to have control over your future.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 09:31 AM
8

Give her what she thinks and says she wants. Hire a good divorce lawyer, file and have service be her first notice that divorce proceedings have started. Being faced with the reality of the divorce may so shock her that she will have to consider what she really wants. If it is divorce better now than later. Take control over your life. If you don’t confront her abusive conduct and rhetoric it will get worse and even more toxic.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 07:56 PM
3

Yes.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 05:32 PM
9

Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 05:17 PM
7

If you don’t leave you will continue to live in chaos and the feeling of betrayal and lack of self respect will continue even if she stops seeing him. You need to end this toxic relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 04:59 PM
1

So he should have disregarded your instructions?
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 04:47 PM
5

She should be held accountable. What would happen if the roles were reversed.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 07:53 AM
16

Many think it is your job to earn the money and theirs to spent it. That pressure many times makes you work harder to keep ahead of the ever increasing expenses caused by fulfilling her wishes. When you divorce under those conditions you continue to be a high achiever without her continuing to drain you. With time you are able to focus on your financial success, reduce expenses and actually invest in things that grow in value rather than depreciate or just be consumed. You may lose most of your …
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 06:42 AM
10

Mine were split 50-50 using a QDRO. Over the years she took early distributions and had very little left by the time she reached retirement age. I left mine untouched even though I went through some tough times in the first 7 years after divorce. My share increased more than 7 times by the time I reached retirement age.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 06:27 AM
3

You cannot negotiate desire. It is over and maybe never was.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 10:06 PM
3

You need to do what is best for you and your son. Your ex should not be part of the calculation. She is not wife or even girlfriend material. Take control over your life and get a divorce so that this chapter of your life is closed and you know your what your obligations are going forward. Florida has jurisdiction and you can start the divorce now without waiting. If you return to NC do not live with her because you must live separately for a year, 2 more months, before you can start proceedings…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 05:06 PM
11

Says she wants a divorce 3 times in the last 3 months and has falsely accused you of abuse. You need to take steps to protect yourself. Having her served with divorce papers might shake her up enough that she does a reality check and reassess what she really wants. If it is divorce then the sooner the better. When women mention divorce it usually has been on their mind for months or even a year or more. You should get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 07:15 AM
2

For me sexual compatibility is important in a relationship/marriage. Of course there are many other areas that require compatibility as well. However, I would never buy a house no matter how great the other rooms were if it did not have a bathroom.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 06:57 AM
3

This is really the way to go for such situations. You are the man and you need to take control of your life again. You might even get some respect from her for doing it, and more importantly your own respect.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 07:01 PM
11

Take control and get the divorce. Don’t be her plan B. You just might get her to respect you and at least you have set some boundaries.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 07:13 AM
1

Yep, don’t sweat the little stuff. Divorce proceedings are like a bad intersection, the longer you stay in it the more likely you will get hurt. It is your net recovery and mental health that has to be focused on. Getting 90% of your half quickly is a good result when you consider the impact of attorney fees if the proceedings get prolonged.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 05:54 PM
2

2a unless the economics are to great to pass up on option 1.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 04:54 PM
8

You need to do what is best for you. Most women do exactly that for them.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 08:00 AM
4

You might want to consider paying for an hour or two of advice from an experienced divorce attorney to avoid pitfalls and unnecessary disclosures.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 08:05 AM
6

It can’t hurt to have the default entered. The court will easily set it aside if she or her attorney requests it. I would wait at least a week after the time is up to request a default. If she lets it go by default since there is nothing to split I don’t see a judge giving her Spousal support/alimony when she has not requested it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 07:33 AM
5

I had a walk away wife too after 20+ years. My son chose to go with me and had no problem when I got a girl friend. He was 17 then. But it all depends on the demeanor of your son.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 05:44 PM
1

I have seen it but it is rare. Good if it can be done. But both of you need to be grounded in economic reality and on the same page when it comes to the children . Then you can treat it like a business transaction.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 10:18 PM
3

Divorce proceedings are like crossing a bad intersection. The longer you remain in them the more likely you will be hurt. The offer is close enough. You eliminate a significant issue that costs you legal fees to resolve and you are likely to get a final decree sooner which also should stop the ongoing costs of divorce proceedings.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 09:18 AM
5

I don’t know your wife and at this time neither do you. There can be legal fees even when there is nothing to fight about, but it is highly likely if there are any significant assets, debts, children custody or unusual support issues and claims for alimony. Even if you are reasonable as to those issues a good attorney is advisable to document in a clear and concise way what you have decided and to counsel you in areas that need addressing that you have not considered. Hiring an attorney does not…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 09:17 AM
3

It is time for you to take back control of your life. She does not to control the timing now that she has become a walk away wife. Asap, hire a good divorce attorney, have the attorney file and has service on her be her first notice that you have taken these steps. Don’t telegraph anything about this to her and act like nothing has changed. Avoid all conflict with her. Just take behind the scene steps to protect you and your assets. She just dropped a truck on you and expects you to remain cool …
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 08:35 AM
3

The past is lost, focus your energy on saving your future.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 10:12 AM
3

This doesn’t make you more attractive to your wife. Just the opposite.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 06:56 AM
3

It is up to the lender if it will allow this. If you were the lender would you want to keep the loan at 2.69% on its money when it can now get 7%? It is usually best to completely separate your finances and debts. That usually means refinancing. But refinancing means higher payments and less money for you and your kids. Getting off title is easy. But if you remain on the mortgage on the house your ex takes then you remain liable if she fails to make payments to the mortgagor. If there is plenty …
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 06:27 AM
1

You need to become a man that a woman wants. You need to work on yourself now. You will benefit from reading “No More Mr Nice Guy“. Take control of your life by setting goals and taking steps to achieve them.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/23 07:55 AM
1

That is good. Divorce proceedings are like a bad highway intersection. The sooner you get through it the sooner you get out of harm’s way. Focus only on the big stuff and don’t sweat the little stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 03:15 PM
2

Get the house sold asap and come up with a reasonable custody agreement. This seems to be your most significant issues. Doesn’t sound like you have much debt and any significant assets other than the equity in your house to split. You are lucky that you wife is employed and making around $60k.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 08:08 AM
3

Usually that is the only way and when they discover that many times they can’t afford it and you end up selling and dividing the proceeds.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 06:07 AM
6

Appeasement usually does not work. Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/23 08:52 AM
1

In some jurisdictions filing with the court and serving by mail her attorney with a document entitled “NOTICE OF APPEARANCE” which contains your full contact information might buy you some time because courts usually don’t allow the case to proceed as if you are in default and require that you get proper notice of all further proceedings and documents filed with the court. Even with this do not dally with getting proper representation.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 07:31 PM
1

Yes that is correct but they probably still should get an annulment. There will still be property issues to resolve but there should be no support issues.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 04:25 PM
2

What to do now? Hire a lawyer, file and have service be her first notice that divorce proceedings have been commenced. Take control of your life.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 09:40 AM
6

Hell she is doing it now.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 09:37 AM
4

There are good women out there. Take your time.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 09:30 AM
3

She was still married to someone else when you and her married? Is the date of her divorce decree after your marriage date?
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 09:26 AM
3

You both need to get that house sold and she needs to work full time. When you are divorced and out of the house your combined living expenses will most likely increase not decrease and as a result she needs to up her income. Since you are in the house and paying all of the bills now and only you are supporting the children expenses, I do not think you should give her any additional money unless ordered by the court. If she wants more money she can act like a responsible adult and earn more by g…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 10:21 PM
5

You need to go on your own journey now to improve yourself. Given your reaction to seeing her NC would be best for you but that is impossible when you have children together. Learn how to coparent with the least amount of contact.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 02:52 AM
20

You are not alone. But when it is over you will survive and you can live your life as you want to and even thrive.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/23 06:42 PM
2

Yes as to personal items but big ticket items like a new truck will be divided. Usually each of you will be able to keep your personal items like clothing and jewelry without any real adjustment between the real value that each of you have.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/23 09:01 AM
1

Tell her your needs have changed.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/23 08:53 AM
2

No, significant change of circumstances will be a basis for modification. For instance she gets a job that pays well, your wages go down or you need to retire among others. I was divorced in California after 20 years and with 3 minor children. She got a lifetime spousal support order plus CS that took about 50% of my wages. 10 years later I was free from all support obligations. I was fortunate that to her no amount of money would be enough for her. She got progressively better paying jobs durin…
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/23 02:53 AM
8

Remember alimony is tax free to her and not a deduction for you.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 08:34 AM
1

I am not talking about your kids. You need to value yourself if there is any hope that she might again value you. Don’t be her safety net.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/23 04:05 PM
2

So you want to be her plan B. Usually the only way to get them out of the mental state is to do things that makes them thing they have really lost you for good.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/23 09:50 AM
3

So he signed a bad agreement under duress without an attorney, then got an attorney to vacate the original agreement and negotiated a new deal which he signed with his attorney’s recommendation. Now you want to set the new agreement aside? Good luck with that.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/23 08:54 AM
4

That is why you should get a trial date as soon as you can. Most cases will settle before trial but with a trial date looming there is an incentive to get it done. And if she remains unreasonable then the disputes are resolved by the judge. Being in divorce proceedings is like remaining in a dangerous intersection, the longer you are there the more likely you will be injured.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 10:03 PM
3

Sorry she is gone. Take control of your life and file for divorce. Make her live with the consequences of her choices.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 07:13 AM
2

No to living together and coparenting. Not good for you or your child. Divorce and divide the assets and liabilities. You will get at least 50-50 for custody and be prepared to accept that. More than likely she will be unable to do her 50% of custody and she will probably relinquish more time willingly. If she wants to reprioritize her life style that will be a win-win for all 3 of you. But if you insist on anything close to 100% you will probably be in for an expensive and extremely emotional f…
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 02:01 AM
1

The divorce decree spells out who gets what in splitting assets and debts. I assume the Car was given to her and therefore that should be the final word on that issue as will as any other things that may occur to you after the final decree. If you wanted to be compensated for this it should have negotiated at the time of the MSA. Usually the only things that might be considered a new are items she hid or failed to disclose or items that both of you were unaware of at the time of the MSA.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 09:51 PM
5

Here are some points to consider: You may be entitled to more than half of the equity in your house. I would think that since title is in your name only and was acquired before the marriage that her share should be 1/2 of the increase in FMV from the date of marriage to now plus 1/2 of the reduction in the mortgage balance from the date of marriage to now. If you liquidate your retirement and pay the penalty and income taxes, your are losing about half of the retirement fund to the government. S…
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 09:28 PM
2

You should be able to search the county records online for almost anywhere.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 05:39 PM
2

Get a certified copy of the divorce decree from the court clerk. Marriages certificates are file with the clerk of the county in which they are married. So if married in Las Vegas it would be the clerk of Clark County, Nevada. There are on line services that have Hugh data bases for this.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 05:21 PM
1

My thoughts: You are divorced. Just living together doesn’t make you married again. Only spouses get alimony. CA does not recognize common law marriages. Some other states do but it still requires more than just living together. Do not hold her out or refer to her as your wife. Be careful if you relocate to another state that does recognize common law marriages like Texas. Do not commingle your assets. That is do not own anything jointly. Same with debt. That way there is nothing to be divided b…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 05:16 PM
34

For her it’s about the feels and not the reals. Any effort to try to get her back will be counterproductive. Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 08:28 AM
3

Divorce proceedings are like a bad intersection. The longer you remain there the more likeiy that you will be hurt. So take steps to get it done like ask for a trial date to add pressure to settle. And don’t sweat the little stuff. Your goal is to get out of this with your best prospects for a good future. Once this is over you can devote all of your energies on that goal.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 10:33 PM
2

Figure out what you need and go for that.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 10:24 PM
1

But with this you remain on the mortgage and that affects you credit and ability to buy another home. Make sure there is no tax consequences too with this arrangement.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 05:38 AM
1

Can she really afford this home? If she takes the house you need to be off the mortgage which usually means she has to refi it at usually higher interest rates.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 05:24 AM
1

Stop trying to appease her with your offers. Set this for trial at the earliest possible date and you time, energy and money so that you can put on your best case at trial. When she makes an unreasonable demand just say no and don’t negotiate. You can negotiate if she get close to a reasonable demand. Most cases will still settle by the time of trial either in the days before or on the court house steps. What she is demanding sounds like the worst case scenario for you and as long as you are rea…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 09:18 PM
2

Sad but true. The litigation expenses skyrocket when just one of the parties is irrational or financially irresponsible. Money that should have been div between the couple and potentially for the benefit of their children ends up going to the lawyers and their children.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 08:49 PM
5

With many anything that you are willing to agree to is not enough.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 06:02 PM
3

You get to pay for hers because you did not have to pay for yours.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 03:31 PM
3

She was never yours and you did not even know who she was. This would make me doubt my own judgment.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 08:00 PM
2

If so, then even simpler but document it very carefully both for purposes of executing the divorce decree and for the IRS. You should consider buying an hour’s worth of time from an experienced divorce lawyer so that you don’t screw this up.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 07:56 PM
6

It is hard to get over the PTSD caused by the divorce but that does not mean you would want that trauma again. You just need to focus on the good things coming into your life and not the scars created by your past.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 07:49 PM
2

Assuming your retirement account is larger just transfer with a QDRO half of the difference between yours and hers. For example, if your is 100k and hers is 50 k, then transfer 25k to her via a QDRO.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 07:41 PM
1

Take control and file first.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 06:17 AM
1

Join the club that so many of us experienced. During marriage she was a disaster when it came to the finances. It seemed that it was my job to earn and hers to spend it all. She of course relied on me during marriage for the boundaries that were needed. When she decided to divorce me she no longer would believe me or trust me and just relied on her own feelings for what she could expect and do financially. Everything was split in the divorce and because I had a business she ended up with 90% of …
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 10:45 PM
1

Be fair but firm. Avoid making unsolicited generous offers in an effort to appease her to get this over because they many times backfire and prolong the process. Resolution of Child custody and sale of the marital home are probably what you need to focus on first.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 07:31 PM
1

There may be temporary spousal support during the divorce proceedings but once divorce is final in most cases where the wife is employed Texas judges usually do not award alimony and if the court does it may be for a short period to allow her to get on her financial feet. 20% of your take home is about right for 1 child. Remember it is not deductible to you and tax free to her. Same with alimony if awarded. You need to take a beat here and consult with a good local divorce lawyer so that you can…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 11:26 PM
2

Control what you can control and that is yourself. She will end up with about 50% of the assets less legal costs. Try to get as much time as you can with your kids. Once that is finalized you then know what is yours both from the past and in the future. 100% control of what you end up with for many is much more than they had during the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 09:53 PM
4

CA is one of the worst states to get a divorce in if you are the breadwinner husband. Property Issues CA is a community property state and everything acquired during marriage other than gifts and inheritance is essentially split 50-50. Title to you home makes no difference. So your property issues are easy. 50-50 as to everything. Support Issues Alimony Bad news: 18 year marriage (because it is over 10 years) puts you into the lifetime alimony category which is called Spousal Support in CA. Good…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 03:53 PM
1

It can be done. Service by publication is a last resort after a showing of good faith efforts to serve personally or through substitute service. Is she in regular contact with a family member, parents or siblings? If so you might get the judge to issue an order to allow service on one of them as a means to serve her. The judge is interested in choosing a method that actually gives her notice that the petition has been filed and the information she needs so that she has an opportunity to respond …
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 05:23 AM
2

It is not a good market for sellers now and that may get worse or the next year or so. As a result probably less new homes will be built. On the other hand rents will rise during this same period. If your home is more space than you need then renting it out might be a thing to consider. If it generates cash flow it can offset you own rent and it you hold on to your home for the long term you should have a great investment property.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 05:12 AM
3

You got to be the prize or it doesn’t have a chance to work. Keep on improving yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 03:17 PM
6

Her mental health problems are above your pay grade. You can’t help her and being in any form of a relationship or even contact is not good for you. Even sharing the dogs is not good. Suggest flipping a coin with her for the dogs or just walk away.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 04:08 PM
3

Within a reasonable time. The longer you wait the more likely that a court will find that you waited too long and the more likely your ex’s attorney will file a motion to enforce and seek even more attorney fees. Welcome to family court. Question is did you really win? Technically yes. You save $100 ( a less than 10% reduction) a month but it cost you nearly a years worth of savings to get it and your support obligation can be changed in the future when your income increases due to the affects o…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 04:00 PM
1

Absolutely! It is obvious that she no longer loves you. But if you take charge and control of this by filing at some level she might respect you more. If you simp on her she will have no respect for you.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 01:38 AM
1

Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 12:12 AM
6

If it is over then the sooner the better so you that you will have control over your life again.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 06:23 PM
2

If your case is simple, no children, no substantial asserts or debts, no businesses, and both of you have jobs, then it is possible to divorce with out lawyers. However, many times the stbx will go postal anyway and get a lawyer. So there is that possibility. There are some online services that can help you with the paperwork. Also, if you can find an experienced freelance family law paralegal that would be a great help at much lower price than a lawyer. You probably can’t avoid the court costs …
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 04:53 PM
1

You are right but the only one that he has control over is himself.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 04:18 PM
2

I have heard: “South Carolina does not require couples to formally file for separation before filing for divorce. However, couples must live separately from one another for one year prior to filing for a no-fault divorce.” You may have to move out.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 07:01 AM
5

9k in 3 weeks, this has to stop.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 10:02 PM
12

Usually an appeal is started with the filing of a one page document called a notice of appeal. Briefs come later on a schedule. You can ask for extensions to file you brief or dismiss the appeal before your brief is due. Filing the notice shouldn’t cost much and buys you time to consider if you want to pursue the appeal and further opportunities to negotiate.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 09:59 PM
5

Weigh this price difference against the cost of continuing legal expense. I would not be surprised if home values decrease over the next 6-12 months but it is certain that when resolution of your disputes is delayed that your lawyer fees will increase.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 08:21 PM
2

Your lucky that you are in Texas. Usually it is best to hire a good divorce lawyer. But at least pay for an hour or 2 for consultation. If you situation is simple there are some online services that can help you with the paperwork or you can look for a freelance family law paralegal to help you. Texas is a community property state and as a result your income after marriage was all community property. Community property and debts are split 50-50. No children no CS. Alimony is usually not granted …
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 08:08 PM
15

Close all joint accounts.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 07:57 PM
3

If this holds then it looks like a good outcome for you. I was married for over 20 years when she became a walk a way wife. After awhile I realized that even though she looked the same I did not recognize her anymore. She was gone and it is best for you to be as much NC as you can. It was a bit more difficult for me because we had 3 minor children to coparent. Be fair but firm with her and do not make unsolicited offers to her in an attempt to appease her to get a settlement. Settlement should b…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 06:40 PM
3

First make sure that you want to and have the financial ability to keep the house. If she is on the mortgage she will probably want you to refinance and pay her off. Then the mortgage will not only be for a greater amount but at a much higher interest rate leaving you with a significantly greater monthly payment. That new payment when combined with CS and alimony may be a bridge too far financially. If keeping the house is not in the cards then it is the house that is keeping you in this terribl…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 04:58 PM
5

Generally at this point and given her confession, your energy would be better spent on finding a new relationship with a good woman than in trying to reconcile this relationship. R is very difficult to achieve and after what has happened the emotional conflicts within each of you can easily sabotage your efforts.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 10:27 PM
4

File asap. You can work out the details while you wait for a trial date.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 07:06 AM
1

Also ask the court to award you reimbursement of your attorney’s fees in defending against this baseless motion.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/23 06:01 AM
1

This is not going to get better until you sell the house and separate your lives. Delay in doing this will probably result in higher legal costs and reduces the marital estate. Also there is a good chance that the real estate market will continue to decline possibly for a year or two. In addition this situation is causing both of you and probably your children emotional harm. I would do whatever you need to get this house sold now. Consider listing it 5-7% below market so you get views from ever…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 03:48 PM
2

Almost the same story. I tried to appease but that just backfired. Finally got resolution when I said to hell with it and said we are just going to trial. That set a new tone and after a few more losses at hearings on her part she became more rational. Don’t be afraid to just set it for hearing if your ex remains irrational after she has been presented with a fair and reasonable offer.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 03:29 PM
3

Then it is time to file.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 09:42 PM
3

This is why you should get legal advice from a lawyer. Now that she has one it is even more imperative that he gets one. With that said there is an order online for MA that may apply which states: “Pleadings and other documents may not be served by email upon a self-represented party, unless that self-represented party consents in writing, which may be by email, in which case the self-represented party shall be subject to the same obligations and restrictions as an attorney of record under this …
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/23 10:47 PM
2

Usually not.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 09:35 PM
2

Lawyers in contested matters cost each of the parties starting at least in the $5-10k and can go much much higher. It does not sound like there is much in assets to fight about. Is it more the division of debt? Litigation is always filled with uncertainty as to the result and when you are paying by the hour it is usually not wise to spend more than 25% in legal costs to get that uncertain result. You need to do a cost Vs potential benefit analysis. What are you going to get if you pay $10k to a …
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 07:04 PM
2

Men consider 50-50 a win and women think 50-50 is a loss. Looking at your comments I would not telegraph your intention to divorce. Consult with 2 or 3 good divorce lawyers, pick one, get your ducks in order, then file the petition and have service be her first notice that you intend to divorce. Resist your impulse to try to appease her with generous initial offers because they can backfire and raise her expectations that she will even get more if she delays the process and make irrational deman…
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 04:32 PM
3

Maybe “more favorable terms” against certainly more legal expenses and probably great harm to your coparent relationship. These are the things you have to weigh.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 05:13 AM
3

Even in writing signed by her you shouldn’t feel safe until it is part of the final decree of divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 05:44 AM
3

Sounds like you have both fraud and a criminal enterprise under RICO. Look for good lawyer who was a former deputy district attorney. Have your attorney consider filing complaints with the licensing agencies that your wife and her family members have licenses.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 02:19 AM
2

If you have made a decent offer just set it for trial. Most cases, even ones like yours, do end up settling, sometimes just before the trial date.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 02:06 AM
3

Usually CS& SS can be revised when there are significant changes.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 05:21 AM
4

Sounds like she doesn’t have a plan A yet so you are plan B. Never be plan B and never do the pick me dance. It’s over for you. She doesn’t even respect you. You would have more of a chance if she thought she has really lost you. Hire a lawyer, file and have service be her first notice that you decided to divorce her. Take away her options as they relate to you. Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 05:13 AM
3

Consider taking your equity in the form of a loan (possibly due in 3 to 7 years) secured by a 2nd mortgage on the property. This might be a win-win for both of you. Neither one of incur the litigation expenses or the uncertainty of a judge’s decision. The house does not need to be sold nor refinanced in the short term when the market is bad and interest rates are high. She can continue to live there with the existing mortgage. If she defaults you get paid by either foreclosure or forcing her to …
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 06:35 PM
2

Good for you that you are finally realizing this. You have slowly sacrificing more and more of yourself, your needs and wants over the years. Now you get to start on a journey to find and reclaim yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 02:01 AM
3

Usually your agreement about dividing the equity in the home is made part of the final decree of divorce. Plus this final decree is based on an agreement that she signed off on. Finally she signed off that she got her share of the equity at the closing of the sale. You are in a very good legal position. Stand you ground and ignore her.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 08:45 PM
2

So if you sold it, what would your net proceeds be in this market? Are we talking $20k of $200k? If $20k the the cost of litigation will be significant and you should seriously consider paying half but still negotiate up to that half. And get this over with If you do nothing she most likely will do nothing because lawyers cost money. Delay is not on your side. In the future you may want to sell or refi and she will be in a better negotiating position. Also, in the future the equity can grow thro…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 04:08 PM
9

So you are not actually divorced? The marriage was annulled. Is that right? So she is not really your ex wife. Is she on the title? And the VA loan? If so how are you ever in the future going to either sell the property or refinance it with out her approval? That is the problem you need to solve.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 05:27 AM
4

Try to reduce the equity by the cost of a sale which is about 8%.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 05:18 AM
13

Jack Nicholson in AS GOOD AS IT GETS, playing OCD afflicted romance novelist Melvin Udall, is approached by a big fan of his work. She asks him 'how he writes women so well', and he replies: “I think of a man. And I take away reason and accountability.”
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 05:12 AM
1

If you read the comment I first responded to he literally said 60% as a first offer.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 09:15 PM
2

I am talking about settlement negotiations between the lawyers or at mediation. Those offers and demands should not be given to the judge. It this goes to trial then you argue for what is fair usually 50-50 or close to it. If you start out offering 60% she will have high expectations that you will pay even more as you approach trial. I am not talking about CS which is most states determined by a formula and with that you go with the formula as an offer.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 08:59 PM
1

When they do make an outlandish first demand you give a low ball response. If you don’t then they will be looking for 70% and you will be in for the ride unless you capitulate.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 07:28 PM
2

Don’t offer first. Get her demand first to see where she is at and for negotiations. The only reason to offer 55 is to get it over with and save the litigation expense and frustration. If you offer first and she is unreasonable then she will think she can always get what you first offered and you will incur the litigation expenses you are trying to avoid.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 07:04 PM
1

What would she do if the roles were reversed?
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 06:12 AM
1

Being in Texas puts you in pretty good position. She will not be able to afford the house after the divorce. So there is very little likelihood that she will get it. Keeping the house is easy for you because you will not be forced to refinance it provided you can pay her $250k from other sources. Most judges in Texas will not order the sale in such situations. The only issue is what will happen during the pendency of the divorce proceedings. That is where your risk is. You need to stay in the ho…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 06:10 AM
1

It would be something if the husband is ordered to pay alimony equal to 20 hour a week of his income that the non working wife be ordered to likewise spend 20 hours of her time cleaning, running errands etc for the husband. Of course it would not actually work but it seems to be fair in that if she gets 20 of your hours that you get 20 of hers. We all know in our gut that in such situations that alimony is fundamentally unfair.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 05:32 AM
7

It probably was always conditional. They marry hoping that they can change you and men marry hoping they won’t change. If you change to what they think they want, it isn’t really what they want. Change or not is a lose-lose situation.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 04:15 PM
2

Don’t quit. Just stop trying to offer her a deal. Go to trial and make the judge decide. A lot of success is just showing up. You are guaranteed to lose if you don’t show up.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 04:45 PM
1

Remember Texas is a community property state. You earning during marriage are community property. If your savings came from money you earned during the marriage then that is community property too. In Texas even income generated from separate property is considered community property in Texas in most cases.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 07:07 AM
2

Individual counseling.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 07:00 AM
2

Sucks I know. I tried in the beginning to get it over early by making fair and generous offers. It backfired. When you do this it easy for them to say no and expect even a greater offer as you approach the hearing or trial. I had to reverse position when she turned down my offer. She then at the courthouse steps said she would take a past offer on an issue but I would let it go to the judge for a decision at that point because the costs I was tried to save were by that time spent. This happened …
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 06:55 AM
1

Get some IC and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 06:19 AM
7

Separate bedrooms under these circumstances, the marriage is over. Consult with a good divorce lawyer and get you ducks in order. Be first to file and don’t telegraph what you are going to do. Let service be the first notice that you intend to divorce her. You and your wife’s conduct is not a good example of a marriage to portray to your children. They will be better off with the two of you in separate and less stressful environments. Starting the use of separate bedrooms just ends up creating r…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 06:14 AM
6

https://www.truepeoplesearch.com/ This might help.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 06:02 AM
1

Texas is a good state for breadwinning men to be in when it comes to divorce. Your are right alimony is rare especially in shorter marriages, with younger adults who are able bodied. Before going in make sure what you want for it to be a reasonable settlement. The mediator can not force you to accept a settlement that you don’t agree to. It looks like you already have a good idea of what you want. The areas of meditation usually are: The marital home This may turn out to be a key item that will …
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 05:57 AM
2

It only gets worse with time and she will probably end up divorcing you for her financial advantage when you either accumulated more wealth or she has out of control spending that prevents you from accumulating wealth. Delay in most situations is not your friend.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 05:20 AM
2

The conclusion of a divorce, especially when it has been drawn out, can be a bit anticlimactic.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 05:12 AM
3

This is so correct and it will give you the most control over your destiny and of your children.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 05:05 AM
5

And file first in WA so CA can’t get jurisdiction.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 05:03 AM
2

Time is not on your side with this. Delay will make it worse for you and your kids. Stop focusing on what you will be losing and focus on what you will gain.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 06:16 AM
3

Yea I know but it not all you or what you can control. Read the books I mentioned. They show you the nature of many of today’s women and how you can change yourself which might cause a different reaction to you by them.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 06:15 PM
1

Texas is good for men when it comes to alimony. Rarely granted in situations like his.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 06:39 AM
2

It is called a quit claim deed in most jurisdictions. It is lucky for him to have the mortgage solely in his name.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 06:32 AM
3

The house is a lost cause. Even if he got it he would have to refi and it sounds like he could not afford the new interest rates plus he would have to pay her for her equity. That would be using his logic something >$15K since he doesn’t think $15K is enough for him. Probably the house will have to be sold and the equity divided. The house is falling into disrepair with the passage of time according to him. Therefore the sooner the better for selling it. She is the only one between them that mig…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 06:13 AM
2

Sole custody? You will probably die on that hill. You would have to show by clear and convincing evidence that she is an unfit mother and it is unsafe for her to have any custody. Even 50-50 can be hard but the trend is to go there or something close to it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 05:55 AM
3

Sounds like you already know. It is not going to get better. The disrespect and lack of appreciation will get worse. Man up your needs are important too.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 05:49 AM
10

This sucks. Mine came after 20+ years, 3 kids and a house. I left just like you shaking my head. You will be sad and in my case there was even a sense of relief. I survived and then flourished. You can too. You don’t know this woman anymore. Stop the endless self reflection. Set new goals and take steps to achieve them. If you want to open your eyes I would recommend that you read No More Mr Nice Guy and The Rational Male.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 05:42 AM
2

Return receipt requested is a good idea for the letter. Lawyers can get in trouble with the State Bar over failure to communicate complaints.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 05:58 AM
1

How long have you been married? What are your incomes? From what you are saying your only leverage is staying in the home. She probably what you out as bad as you want to be out. That situation gives both of you incentive to settle so you can get on with your lives. Once you move out your expenses go up and she will seek a temporary support order which makes you pay her expenses and in particular the mortgage where she lives. Then delay becomes her friend and she has incentive to drag this out b…
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 05:51 AM
4

You are not wrong. You really need NC to heal and therefore with kids contact has to be limited to that which is necessary just for the kids. Her needs and wants should not get any consideration from you.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 10:15 PM
1

It should be as of the date of separation as between you and your stbx, but that doesn’t apply to the creditor if it is joint credit cards. If your ex is irresponsible and doesn’t pay such a creditor can go after you regardless of the final decree making her responsible for that debt. That is why you need to cancel all joint debt at the beginning of this process.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 10:09 PM
2

If she has one or access to legal advice, you can afford not to have one. At the very least seek and get an hour or two of legal advice from a good family law lawyer so you know what is look at by the judge and the legal procedures.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 09:55 PM
1

Look up putative spouse doctrine which have come into play here.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/23 11:27 PM
1

Negotiations are tricky. I learned that you can not cut to the chase and offer at first what you think is fair. In fact you should make every effort to get her to make what she wants in her settlement demand first. Most likely it will be excessive and if so you know to respond and do so with a low ball but still significant offer. Then you can go back and forth to reach something in the middle. Even if her first offer is reasonable and something your might accept find something small to negotiat…
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/23 10:45 PM
2

Correct. If you are in court the judge thinks one or both of you are AHs. Don’t be the AH.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/23 09:59 PM
1

Fair would be one half the difference between the value of your 401K and her pension paid out in a QDRO.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 08:35 PM
9

Staying in the house many times creates incentive in the wife to get the divorce proceedings over. When you leave women usually seek a temporary support order which makes you pay for their living expenses at the same time your living expenses go up thus putting you under financial stress which gives her leverage in the negotiations and incentive to delay. Delay means more legal expenses and frustration. If you are the breadwinner it is to your advantage to get the divorce over as quickly as poss…
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 04:18 PM
6

Sounds like your marriage has been over for years now. She has not faced the economic realities of her decision to end it. Most women are about the feels and not the reals. Logic will not work. The only chance of having her face reality is to shock her into it. Hire a good divorce attorney, file your petition and have service be her first notice that proceedings have started. You need to face the reality that there is no marriage now just the need to wrap things up. Make yourself a priority. She…
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 05:42 AM
3

Follow the court order.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 05:31 AM
3

Judges can issue an order that allows service by alternative methods other than personal service. For instance the judge may allow you to serve one of her parents if she remains in contact with them. The judge will prefer this over publishing in a newspaper. To do this you need to file a motion supported by an affidavit showing your problems with getting her served personally and requesting this relief. I would first send a copy of the citation and petition as an attachment by email or in a text…
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/23 04:35 PM
11

Yes, they can really get caught up in the drama of others.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 02:48 PM
10

So sad, but when this happens they are gone and you can not do anything really to stop it. If you try most of your efforts will make you look weak in their eyes and then they lose even more respect for you. It is amazing how they will rewrite your past to justify their decision so that they can call you abusive or controlling so that they can blame you and not take responsibility for their decisions and conduct. This chapter of your life is over and it is time to start a new one. Set new goals a…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 02:47 PM
29

My ex wife wanted a divorce about 2 months after she became very supportive of a friend that had began divorcing her husband. It was like she projected her friend’s marital problems on to our marriage even though we really did not have those problems.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 02:33 PM
1

Just ask her what does she want from the divorce. With a 3 month marriage there should not be much to divide between you.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/23 09:46 PM
1

Or just say your needs have changed.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/23 09:36 PM
3

Correct. So 30% looks like an upper limit.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 04:53 AM
5

I hear that of those who are concerned enough to test it runs about 30%.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 10:19 PM
2

You need to make yourself a priority. Set new goals and make plans to achieve them. Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 10:14 PM
2

Usually there is a database for family law cases you can do a name search. Once it is filed it has to be served on you. Many places give you 30 days after the service to file a response. Usually family law judges do not like defaults and will set them aside it one is entered if you seek to set it aside within a reasonable period. So you clock does not start clicking until you are actually served with a copy of the petition/complaint.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 10:09 PM
1

It is possible under the right circumstances to reduce or even eliminate alimony. It happened for me and I was in California with a 20+year marriage and minor children. She got CS plus life time spousal support as they call it in California.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 10:01 PM
2

Check with the court to see if a final decree has been entered.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 09:03 PM
4

Look up vexatious litigant in your state to see if it applies. Thinking out of the box, you should consider filing a motion in your case requesting that she has to get prior permission from the court before she can file any new future motions with a Court.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 01:57 AM
5

Alimony is a function of the state you are in. Some it is according to a formula and others on need. Some think an able bodied adult should provide for themselves. Others believe that if the ex has been disadvantaged by the marriage that for a period of time it should be granted for transition back to the work force.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/23 05:46 PM
1

I can understand you thought process. Especially since you just ended your marriage. Probably at this point you have not put in the work needed on yourself to figure out want you want and need if you are going to have another meaningful relationship. I sense that you have FOMO now and in the long run that is not a good thing for starting any new relationship. I can see her point of view as well. If there is a potential that this is to become a significant relationship then during that time to fi…
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 09:23 PM
1

Stop trying to appease her with sweeter offers. In fact make no more offers at this time. Delay is not your friend. It costs you more money and frustration. Set this matter for trial at the earliest possible date and don’t initiate any activity. Many times the bulk of attorney fees are generated in the trial preparation just prior to trial and the trial itself. The pressure of a looming trial date creates incentive to settle. Arguably your date of separation for this marriage was at year 5 and s…
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 04:32 PM
2

If you pay her for her damaged things and the house is sold and the proceeds are split what does she have a claim for? Judgments are pieces of paper saying A owes B money and/or A can’t do something or has to do something. If you pay her for the damaged things and split the proceeds of sale I don’t see what she would want the judge to do. In family court judges she a fair amount of lies all of the time. If she takes you back to court tell you attorney the truth.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 03:56 PM
2

If you damaged her things then you are probably liable for the damage. I would not dispute this and pay reasonable damages if she requests damages. As to the house that was awarded to you and that generally is a value issue and not a possession issue at this point in time. To undo the house would upset the whole agreement and decree dividing the property. However judges do not like being lied too.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 03:29 PM
2

I am not in the UK so I don’t know what it is like there. But where I am I would say get a solicitor now and file first to get a court order stopping her from moving away with the children. If she just ups and moves sufficiently away then you will not get 50-50 custody and will probably be paying child support. Without a court order she could move anytime and revisit child support. So even if she stays for a year or 2 if there is no court order she could move and then get CS. Women tend to have …
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 03:16 PM
2

Very unlikely. Alimony and child support can be revisited but a final decree of divorce as to property should be final provided there was no fraud or disclosure failures.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 02:56 PM
26

I know, you lose your past to gain a future.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 02:51 PM
2

Child custody and child support are your main issues. Generally Assets and debts if joint are shared and Separate assets and debts are not.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 02:49 PM
7

Do not initiate any contact with her and either ignore her messages or be slow with terse responses. It is probably over with her and her journey probably is with exploring other men. At best she will try to keep you as her plan B. For god sakes to not pursue her in anyway. Hire a good divorce lawyer and file and serve her first.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/23 07:27 AM
3

No. I assume that it was taxes owed on a joint return and then she would be jointly liable. She enjoyed the spending of your income that should have been paid as taxes. Martial assets and debts are divided between you and in a community property state it would be 50-50. So the marital estate should first be used to pay the marital debts and then distributed to each of you. She is probably claiming at least haft of the balance even though she made no financial contribution. I guess she wanted a p…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/23 02:05 AM
3

A normal reaction when reacting settlement. You were all geared up for the fight and when this happens it feels anticlimactic.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 03:24 PM
1

Do you have a sign on your back? What she is doing to you is immoral. If she got all of your income it would not be enough for her. You have responsibilities for your new children as well. Stop paying for anything you are not legally obligated to pay.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 03:16 PM
1

But it sounds like you filed in Colorado when you were residents of Florida and no longer intended to be residents of Colorado. You have a catch 22 situation where you were not eligible for going forward with the divorce in either jurisdiction at the time you filed the divorce petition in Colorado. The good news is that this works to your exs disadvantage at least until she learns about seeking enforcement of a sister state’s judgment in Florida.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 09:48 PM
3

You might consider looking for a win-win solution. Heavy litigation over such issues just depletes your estates and the fees charged end up benefiting the children of your lawyers and not yours. After incurring such legal fees and winning she might well only receive about 40%. Probably both of you want your children to inherit this money from you. Consider offering 40% in a trust with income to her during her life and the remainder to your children upon her death. This way she gets income protec…
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 07:13 PM
1

I think a judge can order the sale. But that order will not be easy to enforce from Colorado. It sounds like you started your divorce in Colorado after you both moved to Florida and were residents of Florida. If so the divorce should have been filed in Florida. A Florida judge would have no trouble enforcing the court’s order either by holding you in contempt or issuing an order to sell the house because both you and the property are within its jurisdictional area. But since neither you or the p…
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 04:57 PM
2

He has facts that support a claim that his husband’s separate property became community property when it was commingled. He needs a good divorce lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 04:27 PM
2

You can file a complaint with the bar association pointing out his failure to communicate with you. Of course he has health issues to point to but if he is unable to perform he should withdraw his representation.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 11:30 PM
2

This was a good day for you. It will even get better as you reclaim your life based on your goals and standards.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 11:19 PM
2

No. This guy needs to stand up for himself and value his needs too. Many men do not have a support system and this book will help him to start helping himself.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 08:45 PM
1

You can buy an hour of consultation to get an idea of your options and get advise on protecting yourself for $300 to $500. I would think that would be money well spent so that you can have a viable plan.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 08:36 PM
4

You make 200k and can’t afford an attorney?
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 05:01 AM
4

You need to check this out with your attorney but I would think most judges would look at what you are making now and might go back 2 or 3 years to see it it consistent and in line with what you are making now.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 01:45 AM
3

Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 05:08 PM
1

It is a function of your particular facts and the state where you live. Hire a good local divorce lawyer and learn about your situation.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 05:06 PM
5

You need to get advice asap from a good local divorce lawyer to learn your options.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 06:00 AM
1

You have given her your decision you don’t need to explain.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 05:56 AM
1

Having control over part of your future income is better than no control over 100% of you future income.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 01:04 AM
1

Your major problem is with the lenders and not the changes to title. As for title she can sign a deed transferring her interest in the home to you. Deeds are filed and recorded with the county recorder. However that does not remove her from the mortgage. The lender has to agree to her removal and that is the rub. This is usually resolved by refinancing but now that means usually paying a higher interest rate after you qualify for the new mortgage. Same is true for vehicles. You can transfer titl…
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 03:36 PM
1

Generally there is no advantage for you to wait to divorce. Staying together does not make a good example of a good marriage for the children to see. You need to be the man and end this now. You need it for your own mental health. She even will probably respect you more if you do this. Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 06:33 AM
3

I know how you feel but she is gone. Do what is best for you and your kids. Hire a lawyer now and try to file and serve her first. That will be in your interest and will give you more control over the process . If you write the letter don’t send it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 05:54 AM
3

Good luck. Your lawyer will probably just stay focused on the fact that a signed agreement was reached at mediation.a good judge will make that finding and make it part of the final decree. Her argument that she is now unhappy with it will should not affect the outcome. I see the only risk being her asking for more time to get a new lawyer and the court granting a continuance.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/23 06:28 AM
1

North Carolina is unusual from other states in that it requires you to live separately and apart from your wife for one year before you can get a divorce. You should seek advice from a good local divorce attorney
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/23 04:58 AM
1

Set it for trial asap. I looming trial date incentives settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 09:35 PM
1

Yes it is a losing argument. It just will cost you in time, money and mental aggravation.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 06:47 AM
1

A QDRO is usually used to pay to her the half that she is entitled too. And in deed there are no tax consequences to him for that and none to her unless she withdraws from her half. She probably wants not only her half of the retirement but her half of the home equity as well. He was suggesting withdrawing from his retirement to get the funds to pay her for that equity. If he does that the money withdrawn will be subject to income taxes and a withdrawal penalty. For example if he takes out $150k…
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 04:47 PM
1

Alimony is based on what you make or if not working on a reasonable imputed income. Can you move to a state where alimony is not likely?
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 05:35 AM
3

I think you are right. She can just give you a quit claim deed. You should explore taking a loan against your retirement funds. That way you do not pay taxes for the loan proceeds, there is no early withdrawal penalty and you can add to the interest amounts you pay on the loan to your retirement fund.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 05:30 AM
28

The affair fog gives you an advantage now but time is not on you side. Your best strategy is act quickly and get a final decree asap. Don’t sweat any small stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/23 09:54 PM
1

He will get through this. It looks like he will be submitting a claim for damage to his home owner insurance company. If the damage is significant enough then his ex and son might be able to move during the repairs and it would be covered by the the additional living expense coverage.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/23 03:35 PM
15

It is time to move on.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/23 04:48 AM
2

Just set it for trial at the earliest possible date. A trial date creates the incentive to settle.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/23 02:43 AM
1

1st try to get service on her or a family member using the sheriff in India where she lives. If that fails document why and file a motion with your judge asking permission to use an alternative method.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/23 12:29 AM
1

Due process includes notice of the proceedings. Judges like personal service of the papers as the best way to give notice. In the US that can be done by a sheriff as well as other persons. I understand India has sheriffs. I would see if they can perform this service for you and supply you with an affidavit in proof of that service. Judges generally allow substituted service if she avoids direct service meaning you can have the sheriff serve an adult member of her household. Judges permit service…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/23 10:22 PM
1

Is she living with family?
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/23 09:52 PM
1

Do you have a good address for her? Does she live alone?
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/23 09:30 PM
2

The agreement will have a greater likelihood of being upheld later if she should try to set it aside.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/23 09:25 PM
1

It is possible but unlikely unless it is a long term marriage and she is unable to work. Support doing the proceedings is quite common and sometimes for a short period after if necessary for transition of her back into the workforce.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 07:09 PM
2

As soon as you can set it for trial but this hastens settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 12:02 AM
2

You are giving her ammunition to change child custody and then child support.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/23 09:25 PM
1

Just remember that you only get half of the amount of claim over an equal division. So if you are successful with it and your claim is 6k you will only see an additional 3k. That has to be weighed against the cost to get it. She can argue than it was long time ago and you waived the claim when you forgave her. Trial and preparations for trial are expensive. So its only value is probably limited to negotiations and even then you don’t want to expend a lot of attorney fees on the issue.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/23 05:18 PM
1

How many years ago was this? Seems like it did not cause you to immediately file for divorce. If you make this claim do you think it will stay an uncontested? Will this end up causing more attorney fees?
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/23 04:47 PM
1

Given the current interest rates real estate values may well go down. Also the prices usually drop after school starts up. You may want to wait a few moths before getting that appraisal.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/23 06:52 AM
1

Texas is a community property state and it is split 50-50. Alimony not usually granted after the divorce is final. CS is about 20% of net income for one child for a non-custodial parent.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 08:30 AM
4

I did not say that you have to split up as a couple but she is not wife material at this point and you should not get legally bound to her. You will be supporting the child if you stay and will have access too. If you split she might not allow access to the child especially in the early years and she will probably seek a formal CS order but since you are not married she will not be entitled to alimony or any of your assets.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/23 02:04 AM
7

Don’t get married and do not have anymore children with her. Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 09:52 PM
1

Just probably fear of what is about to become your new life. It is the anticipation of what is to come. You should be better once she is gone. Then you will be able to go NC.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 08:21 PM
4

Hire a good divorce lawyer now, file and serve her asap. Get a court order stopping her from removing the children.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/23 07:19 PM
5

Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/23 07:05 PM
6

Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/23 05:43 PM
5

And he should get a good attorney too.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/23 05:40 PM
6

This is about you now. Do you even want her back now? If this happened while you were engaged would you have gone forward with the marriage? Such conduct shows you that she is not wife material where you take a risk on assets you acquire and right to enjoy and control your future income. Divorce her now and get financially unhooked from her. If you still love her you can still date her. Marriage in itself is risky and now even more risky with her.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/23 05:36 PM
2

CS ends when the child turns 18 and has finished high school. If high school not finished CS terminates at age 20. Permanent now call long turn alimony may be awarded in long term marriages( 20+ years) but if ex is not working then income usually is imputed to calculate it. But this is rarely done. Short term alimony is much more common and it is for a period of time to provide temporary support for the ex to transition into self supporting income. Division of assets is equitable. That is what e…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/23 05:19 PM
7

You need trust to continue with a marriage. You can not be financially yoked to her. If you go on vacation with her schedule your vasectomy asap.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/23 10:50 PM
5

She may be gone. If so then you need to end this. File and serve her without notice. Or she has something going and wants to see where it may go. In which case you are plan B. Again even if you still want her back file the divorce petition and have service be her first notice. This just might shake her out of her emotional fog because this will cause her to think that she has lost your relationship. Under no circumstances beg or pled for her come back. This will only cause her to loose respect f…
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/23 10:41 PM
1

Your bone in the throat is alimony not child support. Any CS will be short lived. Usually waiting to file for divorce is not advisable. But in your case maybe a delay of a year or more is. At least the older child will reach adulthood and therefore no CS. Also gives you time to see if you can get her back into the workforce. If you state grants alimony you might want to trade more equity in the home to eliminate or reduce the duration.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/23 08:23 PM
2

It is a good thing that you realize that. You will meet the residency requirement in Texas well before she will meet it in California.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 05:37 AM
3

Filing fee in California is around $450 and in Texas around $250. Online Texas divorce ads say you can do it online with EFile with the court for about $99 for a simple divorce like you describe yours. She does not have the ability to file now because she is no longer a resident of Texas and has not met the residency requirement of California. If you leave it to her then I would think she will want half of the costs from you. 100% of the costs in Texas is about 1/2 of what it will cost in Califo…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 05:25 AM
6

You should consider filing for your divorce asap in Texas which has jurisdiction because divorce laws are generally more favorable than California. Otherwise she will probably file in California which is usually not so good for men. Plus California will not have jurisdiction until she establishes residency which requires her to be there 6 months.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 05:03 AM
6

I have always heard the advise that when it comes to an attorney’s client, the best deposition is no deposition. If there is going to be a depo then try to keep it to only one and complete it that day. The shorter the better with short complete and truthful answers. Do not volunteer info (which will tend to prolong the questioning ) unless it is necessary in certain limited areas that have been worked out in advance with your attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 04:55 AM
1

I agree bankruptcy should be a last resort after exhausting other alternatives. This is debt in her name apparently and his nonpayment will probably only affect her credit. He should but alimony on the table and trade it for her assumption of the debt she incurred which sounds like it was for mainly her benefit.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 06:09 PM
2

You can trade alimony for her taking the debt. Also You can file chapter 7 to discharge the credit card debt.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 05:26 PM
3

Remember alimony is tax free to her and non-deductible to you. So if this is the approach then it should be on net income after deductions.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 02:50 PM
1

It seems like sanctions are unlikely since she volunteered to pay the nanny extra without consulting you or getting your consent. Don’t give her a cent that isn’t pursuant to a court order. If you do she will find other ways to push you. Let her be lady bountiful with her money not yours. It looks like that nanny is now better off financially than you.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 04:57 AM
0

Not as far as it goes. Generally the quicker you can get the divorce the better for you. Usually staying in the house gives your ex incentive to get the divorce resolved and sell the house sooner. Leaving the home takes away that pressure and many times it is to your wife’s advantage to delay since she continues to be able to stay in a larger place usually with the financial aid of the bread winning husband.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 04:45 AM
2

Just remember why you wanted the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 04:35 AM
1

Should be another hearing so that you have a fair opportunity to defend. You are entitled to due process.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 09:11 PM
0

If she wants more of the assets then she should give up alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 09:08 PM
6

She is gone and you just need to get on with the business of divorce. The issues decided in divorce are custody, CS, SS, division of community property and debts. You have no children so no custody or CS issues. Your marriage is so short, just over a year, that spousal support should be of little to no duration. The major asset, the home was acquired before marriage and you gave up your rights in the prenup. So there is nothing for you to split there. Even if you wanted to contest that you don’t…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 05:18 AM
1

Retroactive child support limited to 2 years in Alabama and generally 4 in Texas but could be more.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 01:53 AM
1

You need to act fast and get this divorce done asap. If you can’t afford a lawyer, find a freelance paralegal who does divorce petitions to walk you through what you need to do.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 09:22 PM
1

Run do not walk. File and SERVE now!
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 09:15 PM
7

Yes this is the best way forward. You will not get her back by chasing her. You says she does not love you, she does not appreciate you and her conduct shows she does not respect you or the marriage. You will get more respect by cutting her loose and no longer acting like she is your wife or even her friend. Doing so will make her feel the loss of her relationship with you. It is better to go no contact but with children that is hard to do, but limit your discussions to issues related to the chi…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 05:01 AM
6

Consult with the attorneys and come up with a game plan as soon as you can. Try to be the one to file first and have her served. This gives you more control and may shake her out of her fog. Push for an early trial date and don’t be generous in settlement offers when it is time to negotiate.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 04:49 AM
3

Hands down Texas. CS ends when children become adults. Cali has lifetime alimony for marriages over 10 years but Texas does not usually grant alimony to someone who able to work. CS is Texas for 2 children runs around 20% of your next income if wife has custody and you visitation. Also, I think there is a cap of of about $1840. No cap in Cali. See Costner who just today got hit with about $120k a month. I see men on here from Cali have significant CS payments.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 12:33 AM
2

Did you endorse the check? If not she committed a crime and you should pursue that remedy. However do not threaten this because that would be extortion. Just do it starting with submitting to the bank your affidavit of forged endorsement. The bank may have there own form for this.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 10:25 PM
3

Wow is this screwed up. You could end up getting nothing on the splitting of the community property assets/debts. In fact it sounds like you could be straddled with debt of her creation. Of course unlike her you could file chapter 7. You do need a lawyer and one right now.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 10:18 PM
6

You mileage may vary and you should check with a good family law attorney who knows the judges in your area. With that said. Texas is a community property state so it is 50-50 split of all property acquired after marriage other than by gift or inheritance. Even separate property gets split if commingled. 30% of net for CS is typical if she has custody and you visitation. Different if you go 50-50 for custody. Alimony is not the norm in Texas and if there is some it is of short duration unless wi…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 06:02 PM
23

You did nothing wrong. She wants the divorce. Give it to her and stop chasing her. Why are you leaving the house?
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 06:14 AM
3

Texas is one of the better states for breadwinning men. It is a community property state so community assets/debts divided 50-50. Alimony is not favored by most of the courts.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 01:33 AM
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