I could really use some advice

Upstairs-Studio8509 · 2025-03-07T18:46:03+00:00

You already made your decision 6 years ago. Don't be an idiot.

caput-ferreum · 2025-03-06T21:28:17+00:00

You have someone that is down for sex anytime you are!? Do you know how incredulously rare that is? She still loves you man.

I also married my high school girl. She stopped loving me. And she was never into sex much. If I was in your boat I'd stay every fucking day of the week. I've had some casual sex since we broke up. It's sooooo stupidly shallow it doesn't even compare to a good fap. It's nothing. Other girls are other girls, they entertain you until they don't. You are nothing to them.

That's my two cents. Forgive if too opinionated. Ultimately it's your call. But you are taking what you have for granted. And it's a precious thing.

Substantial-Slip2686 · 2025-03-06T21:12:14+00:00

You would regret leaving.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2025-03-06T20:32:01+00:00

Yes you would be a fool to leave her.

Your priority should always be yourself, never your romantic partner.

So keep seeing and enjoying your friends. Your wife says she wants you to have less time with your friends but as soon as you capitulate to that demand her attraction level will plummet for you. The reason she is down for sex all the time is precisely because she knows you don't need her and she has competition. It's the guys who make their wives their priority and reason for getting up everyday that end up in a dead bedroom.

New pussy is fun but even the best pussy on the planet gets boring after hitting it on the regular for 3 months. Are you going to relationship hop 3-4 times a year for the rest of your life? Do not throw away a marriage for pussy.

You have a good thing going. You wife cannot make your life hard unless you let her make it hard for you.

regertsrus · 2025-03-06T18:07:37+00:00

I feel bad for your wife. The health problems if they are physical, will destroy her after you leave. If they are mental then it will destroy you if you stay. Youre kind of in a rough spot. Youre not a bad person for thinking this. But she wont forgive you either for a while. You have my respect for being honest with her. Ps... You sound a bit self centered also.

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2025-03-06T17:57:27+00:00

You're on a divorce forum so you're already HEAVILY considering it even if you're thinking you're not.

My only advice for you is DO NOT get her pregnant right now.

You toss a kid in this mix and your life is going to get immeasurably more complicated.

EnvironmentalAd3558 · 2025-03-06T17:40:07+00:00

How much is a good wife worth?

Smoovie32 · 2025-03-06T17:29:12+00:00

Look I get it. You are 28, a med student, starting to see the world of possibilities and ask questions. You think the grass is greener. From what you describe, it isn’t. You made a vow/oath - in sickness and in health. You understand the implications of that better than most and you aren’t even into training. If you can’t keep that vow/oath to someone who has done effectively nothing wrong (your description), how do you honestly expect to honor your oath as a practitioner through the rest of your career? Because if you think your personal values and choices are somehow separate from your professional ones, especially as a healthcare practitioner, I have thousands of examples to provide of that not being the case. So does you every health care regulator.

Head over to the dead bedrooms sub to see what you are risking on the sex front. Wanting to sleep with other people just because you haven’t slept with a lot IS stupid, so you’re right on there. Again, this comes down to a vow you willingly made, and you’re considering tossing it overboard with no instigating or aggravating incident beyond self-created envy of what you think the single life might entail.

You describe tossing someone who genuinely cares for you and matches your energy over standard relationship stuff, none of which are inherently bad or deal breakers. They just come with sharing your life with someone. Take it from someone who’s done it and who is now facing it again, the single life is not all it is cracked up to be in your head. We’re humans and we inherently crave relationship.

I agree with the other commenters that you need to get into counseling and figure out why you are trying to sabotage yourself when you are in such a vulnerable position personally. And by vulnerable I mean you have not finished your education, training, or boards, and those tend to be some of the toughest years on your path. This is not a partner issue, it is a you issue.

I’ll conclude with this. I think you see the light at the end of your training tunnel and you realize that you were going to be a young, well compensated and most likely successful professional. This person has been with you and supported you up to this point, and you’re treating them like a used car. You want to trade in before you are out on the market in a different capacity. But you have to remember that this person loves you for you, not who you want to become or who you may be in the future. They made a vow to be with you before you became a successful, and before you have significant means. If you toss them aside and go out looking for a partner once you’re successful, you will never be able to shake that nagging feeling that the people you’re talking to are only interested in your wealth and resources and not you as a person.

That’s really what you’re tossing aside, someone who genuinely likes you and is into you; not your title, not your money, not your social status - you. Try doing the mental exercise of reversing roles and see what you think is right - not what is easy, what is right. Do you think your actions will make her have permanent trust issues in men? Will it shake her trust of people that share your demographic background? Will it make her no longer trust medical professionals and what long-term health impacts will that have on her? There is quite a bit that you have not thought about and you need to talk to someone like a counselor, not your spouse, so you can better understand the self-sabotage that you seem to be contemplating. Good luck.

Spared-No-Expense · 2025-03-06T17:15:41+00:00

I’m gonna go against the grain here and say count your blessings. You’ve been together ten years and she’s still DTF any time you are DESPITE her health issues?

On the one hand, children can change things, especially with a woman predisposed to health issues, but at the same time 10yrs and a healthy sex life despite her issues is a MAJOR green flag. There’s a really good chance the next woman you’d date could IV drip the sex after the honeymoon phase. The grass is not always greener. Often it isn’t unless the grass on your lawn is completely dead, which is not the case here.

I’d also recommend therapy and more permanent solutions to her health issues. Her being a happier gal might rub off on you too.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-03-06T16:09:22+00:00

I recommend counseling brother and figure this out. You may be overthinking. If you have these issues with your wife, you might have them with another woman.

That being said, at least you don't have kids which makes the process 100 times easier.

TheDawnWillCry · 2025-03-06T14:42:43+00:00

Your wife does nothing that any other woman you move in with wouldn't do too.

TheGreatSageAndOnion · 2025-03-06T13:37:28+00:00

I don’t think anyone can give you the answer. Therapy might help find the underlying cause and help you come to your own conclusion. Life is unpredictable. Maybe you leave, find a wonderful wife, beautiful and after marriage, stops having sex, or she gets cancer. Life is ups and downs. You said you’re in med school? You’ll have a lot more options once you’re a Dr and more attraction. You’ll be married longer and more money to lose.

Your marriage on paper doesn’t last forever, but it’s not impossible. Do you actually enjoy similar things? If you’re different, then it’s harder to have something in common. What kind of mother will she be? Any decision you make will have pluses and minuses. Maybe have a trail separation and see how you feel. Couples therapy?

Pro-IDGAF · 2025-03-06T13:31:45+00:00

dude thats way to complicated for a simple answer from strangers.

sounds like you have the pros and cons mapped. time for you to make that decision.

all i can say is i wish i hadn’t got married in my 20’s and even late 20’s.

Title	I could really use some advice
Author	Various-Music-1237
Upvotes	3
Comments	27
Date	March 6, 2025 1:24 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1j4vctc/i_could_really_use_some_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-could-really-use-some-advice.1545764 https://theredarchive.com/post/1545764

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