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Expert-Raccoon6097 Archive

View 0 posts and 700 comments by Expert-Raccoon6097 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
9

Very petty and selfish, but you already know that. Your wife and child deserve so much better. Go join the divorce women sub you'll fit in much better over there.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 06:28 PM
-6

End it. A quality woman will have nothing to do with a married man, and you aren't going to find a quality woman online either. You are vulnerable desperate for validation. This woman is providing that. Heal and only date quality women or you will be here for you rounds 2 and 3.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 06:25 PM
12

Grant her the divorce and move on with your life. You can't force someone to choose to love you.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 06:22 PM
1

You are not close to being ready for dating. But you also need to go no contact with your ex. Block her on everything.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 06:20 PM
3

Gym without a doubt. I would not have kept the marital home. I would have moved to a new space. Residing in the marital home was a prison and kept me from letting go much sooner. Easily cost me 2 years.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 06:16 PM
1

Men stop courting their wives. It's not rocket science. If you stop courting and dating the woman in your life then another man will. That's all women need, one date night per week, a weekend trip away every few months, and they will be stuck to your side like glue forever. Men for whatever reason pull back on courting after marriage when they should be ramping it up. Your wife deserves so much more than a girlfriend. But most of the time it is the opposite and women don't stay in miserable rela…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 06:35 PM
1

King all the way.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 06:30 PM
10

File for divorce and set both of yourselves free. This romantic relationship has run its course.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 06:28 PM
5

Yes you are. Let it go brother, you are only hurting yourself. Walk away and hold your head high.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 05:41 PM
1

My advice sell the house and move on with your life. I'm 4 years on and will be doing the same this summer. Looking forward to the fresh start and getting out of that memory filled place.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 10:08 PM
2

Work, gym, side hustle, meal prep, dog. Can't imagine you'd have any free time after that.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 10:26 PM
5

4 years divorced. Extremely happy, more successful in every facet of my life than ever, and have an extremely loving and attractive partner. My wife walked away and I didn't want the divorce. Now I thank her for such a great gift. Men do substantially better than women after divorce. You would have to really fuck things up not to be happy and find love again after those first few years of grieving, healing, and rebuilding.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 01:53 PM
2

You protect your sanity by not residing in the same home. If you choose to continue this charade you will pay the price.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 01:50 PM
10

When a woman says she is done it is over. There is no saving this. The reason is by the time they communicate the relationship is over she has been done for 12-18 months. She has already turned that light switch off for you and there is no way for her to ever turn it back on. To maintain attraction in a long term romantic relationship you have to lead the relationship to maintain the feminine/masculine polarity. This means weekly date nights completely planned by you, weekend getaways every few …
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 01:43 PM
1

You respond with "I will be following the divorce decree. Please do not communicate with me on this matter again." Declining the child support was a mistake. That money is for your kids, not for you. If you didn't need it to cover costs you should have put it in an investment account for them and given it to them when they turned 18. It would have been a big help with education costs, housing and a vehicle.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 12:44 AM
3

You give up on the marriage immediately if your wife doesn't want to continue. As for your kids you never give up. 50/50 is default almost everywhere, you'll get plenty of time with them.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 12:41 AM
1

This falls under parental alienation and the courts will absolutely do something about it. Seek legal advice.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/26 09:15 PM
8

She was having an affair and was dick drunk with the new guy when she made that initial agreement. That is when you get divorced ASAP because she will sign anything so she is free of guilt fucking her new guy. Do not get a lawyer involved, do a DIY divorce for a few hundred dollars and get it done in a few weeks. 6 months later the guy dumped her and now she is pissed and wants blood from someone. And there you are the hapless fool waiting to get taken to the slaughter house. My ex did the same …
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 06:20 PM
8

The perk of being divorced is you get to parent how you want on your time. If you and your kiddos want to co-sleep as mother nature intended then go ahead and do it. Soon enough your boys are going to naturally sleep independently. Enjoy this time while it lasts. Next time your ex texts you about it tell her to go fuck herself (in your head), give it a day, then text back "Thanks for the concern but I have it under control".
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 07:48 PM
6

Very common for guys to make their wives their friend. This kills the romantic relationship and leaves you on your own when she inevitably leaves. Women don't fuck their friends, so for future reference do not make them your friends. Learned that the hard way. I got a counselor to help guide me through the transition from husband to single dad. One session per week. Helped tremendously the first 6 months. I kept doing it for a year but really only needed 6 months. 100% recommend if you did not m…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 07:39 PM
6

It wasn't the lie. That was just the straw that broke the camels back. Your wife has been checked out of the romantic relationship for a very long time. Nobody does care when you get a divorce. People have their own lives and their own challenges to deal with. The way you get through it is one day at a time. Write off the first year it is going to be an absolute shit show for you, and that is ok. Years 2-3 will be much better, year 4 you will be thanking your ex for pulling the plug on your marr…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 07:29 PM
9

Friendly, but not friends. If you are able to be genuine friends you'd still be married. Right now you are both getting something out of pretending to be genuine friends. Not healthy long term, and it is stopping one or both of you from reflecting, learning, and growing.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 06:25 PM
4

Follow the advice above, it is very good. Ignore the threats from your ex as they are all baseless. She cannot turn your kids against you. The only power she has is the power you are giving her in your head.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 06:22 PM
12

Firstly the affair partner is not a "good guy". Stand up men do not get involved with married women, ever. He is a piece of shit and he will always be a piece of shit. By now you know agreeing to a joint party was a mistake. You had it right in the beginning, make new traditions and do your own party on your time. Last mistake was moving 5 mins from your ex. You need space.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 09:55 PM
1

My ex and I are 50/50 for legal custody. Physical custody has changed over the years depending on the needs of our child. I was 100% the first year, 75% the second. 50% the third, and am now 3 nights out of 7. In a few years our daughter will be old enough to choose when and where she wants to go all of the time. Your ex cannot legally deny where you take them on your time, and that includes church. As for medical decisions and schooling that will be a negotiation. My advice build an amicable an…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 09:51 PM
13

There are good woman out there. Not many of them are single tho. Vet wisely through dating and you will find them. Don't let prior bad choices stop you from building the legacy you deserve.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 09:42 PM
9

Women don't go without sex. If there is a dead bedroom she is getting it from somewhere else. This wasn't the first time. Having said that you should have asked for permission from your wife to come over. Legally you are entitled to to enter your house, but it is no longer your space and that is her son, not yours. You should not be supporting her unless it is court ordered. You need to go file for a divorce, stop playing detective, and stop intruding on her and her son's life. Time to accept re…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 06:25 PM
-1

I think they are great for the dumper. There is a lot to celebrate and a lot to look forward to. The dumpee should have their own 2-3 years down the track. By then the dumpees have even more to look forward to than the dumper. Unfortunately nobody throws belated divorce parties. It will be year 4 for me next month and I am going to throw my own celebration. Those first 2-3 years truly suck for the dumpee, but they always end up in a far better position than the dumper. It just takes a few years …
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 06:16 PM
-6

The relationship was already long dead by the time she cheated. You are 50% responsible for the end of the romantic relationship. The cheating came after she had already checked out of the marriage for a few years. Having said that the right move was for her to file for divorce, not pretend to still be in a marriage while spreading her legs for whoever on the side. She is not a virtuous nor a trustworthy person. You cannot reconcile nor build a future with a person who is not trustworthy. Can sh…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 06:09 PM
9

I was married for 22 years. Been divorced for 4 years. Her parents still refer to me as son. I distanced myself on purpose from them even though they live 2 blocks away. It wouldn't be fair on anyone to continue the relationship we used to have. Now we are simple acquaintances which is healthy. My advice the no response from the text is all you need to know. If he or any of them wanted you there they would have reached out or responded. Divorce blows up many things not just your romantic relatio…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 06:01 PM
7

We all feel this way in the beginning. 75% of divorcees get remarried within 5 years. You'll be in plenty of relationships again. Don't let one bad apple spoil the bunch. Go get the life you want instead of letting your ex-wife live rent free in your head and letting her influence your future.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/26 07:47 PM
4

Gym was the big one for me. I live in a smallish town and gained a new crew when I joined. All the female friends I made I ended up sleeping with. Now that I'm in a relationship they are off limits since we were romantically involved in the past. My advice do not sleep with your female friends, keep them as friends.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/26 07:41 PM
5

Just because you were a fuck up does not mean you have to remain a fuck up. You are not a victim. Commit to living the rest of your life as a man. Leave the bullshit behind and move forward every day. My advice start with getting a membership to your local gym and commit to heavy lifting 5 days per week. If you stick with that it is impossible not to have a successful life. The universe just makes sure everything falls into place if you put in hard physical work. Likewise it takes away if you do…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 06:17 PM
10

If it's been 5 years since she lost attraction for you there is no way for her to ever to regain it. You have 6-12 months before they turn the switch off for you permanently if they lose attraction. Too late now but remember that for your future romantic relationships. When her legs start closing is the time to take action, not 5 years down the track. It doesn't matter what she wants at this point. If you want a a great sex life you will have to divorce, heal, learn, and go find a new partner.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/26 12:42 AM
12

No fathers don't have a hard time in court. You'll get 50/50 by default. Your biggest mistake was taking her back after you found out she was banging other men. Set the example for your kids and file for divorce, unless you want your kids to put up with cheating spouses in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/26 12:32 AM
1

The answer is and will always be to lift heavy weights. Sports and BS exercise won't cut it. 5-6 days per week in the gym lifting intensely. Make sure your diet and sleep are on point. At your age go get yourself on trt, and throw in a 10-12 week cycle of low dose anavar twice a year. Until you have done this for a few years and transformed yourself don't tell me you have tried everything. This works 100% of the time.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 08:29 PM
1

My advice tell him about the infidelity. He deserves to know. Your hubby can then figure out if he wants to stay or divorce you.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 10:15 PM
3

I took mine off when it became clear my wife had no intention of reconciliation. It definitely felt weird as I had not taken it off for 22 years other than a few cleanings. I kept it along with wedding photos etc for the kiddos to look at one day. It is in a box in my garage. If I had no kids I would have kept it a year or two and then tossed it once I was over my ex. My next wedding ring is going to be tattooed. Better make this one work 😂.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 08:02 PM
4

Massachusetts is one of the few remaining states where 50/50 is not the default. The judge will decide what is in the best interests of the child. In these types of states you get yourself a lawyer or you will be screwed as the father. Your stbxw's lawyer will use everything they can to paint you as an unfit parent to get full custody. Do not fuck around and go for at least 50/50.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 07:56 PM
1

This should have been a conversation on the first date and you should have ended things when you learned she wanted marriage knowing you did not. It is going to sting for both of you alot more now but it's time to break it off as you are simply not compatible. Do not let this go on any longer.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 01:23 AM
2

Once they are 15/16 they will be able to choose where they stay. Guess where that is going to be? I'd let your kids figure this one out for themselves. Do let them know they can come to you if they need to talk or get some advice.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 01:18 AM
4

Yep you are overthinking. All women are different and like different things. You will learn what her body responds to and what her boundaries are over time, just like you did with your wife. Sex won't be the best the first few times. It will take some sessions to learn each other. But this is the fun part so don't stress about it or take it too seriously. Have fun, enjoy your body and enjoy your new partner. Age is a non factor. My advice date 10-15 years younger, never married and no kids. I am…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 01:02 AM
3

I have 50/50 with my daughter. I would advise 1 week on/off to keep it simple and predictable for everyone involved if you child is 10+. I love having 50% off and would recommend to all parents if you have an amicable and flexible co-parent. It is life on easy mode. So much more time for yourself, goals, relationships, and when you do have them you are recharged and fully present. It is an upgrade in every way. I would not see them on your off days. Spend that time on yourself to rebuild. Let th…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 12:56 AM
2

I can help you out. Firstly you are failing all of her tests. That is why she has lost respect for you and sees you as a child she looks down on rather than the man she wants to look up to. I'm guessing this also occurred in your first marriage and is a pattern with you. Woman want you to contain their emotions. That means when she yells you do not react, rather you calmly get her to open up. Whatever she is screaming about is not the issue, it is always something underneath you need her to get …
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 12:44 AM
9

She is entitled to 25% (half of your share). Same goes for any other assets you built together. If you have kids together my advice split all assets less debts 50/50. No amount of money is worth a miserable and bitter co-parenting relationship. If you don't have kids your choice to fight it but you'll likely spend more than it's worth in lawyer fees (your lawyer will obviously push for this option to finance his summer vacation).
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 02:06 AM
1

My ex and I go 50/50 on costs. My ex did have a history of financial abuse early on in the co-parenting relationship so she pays up front and I zelle her my half. I would not feel comfortable me paying up front and then having to chase her up to get her half. I always pay my half quickly so our arrangement keeps the co-parenting relationship amicable and easy breezy.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 01:59 AM
3

You should be dating 10-15 years younger, never married, and no kids. Do that and your life will be nirvana. You're welcome.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 06:24 PM
3

What you need to do is stop the affair immediately, tell your wife what has been going on, and let your affair partner know that you will be telling her husband everything in 3 days so she has time to break the news to him first. You have blown up your life, your wife's life, and the life of your affair partner's husband. Odds are you will end up divorced and alone. That is not a bad thing in your current state. You are not fit to be in the dating pool right now. The good news is you can become …
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 06:19 PM
5

It is not your job to make him happy, and you wouldn't be able to even if you tried. It is up to your man to lead a life that he finds fulfilling......his current life is not. He will have to find the right path himself, what you can do is be supportive of that journey. Snappy and grumpy sounds like low testosterone (most men in the western world 35+ are). Bring up getting his bloods tested. Having optimal test will make the world of difference.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 06:12 PM
0

If you are amicable with your co-parent your kiddos will be fine. Divorce only causes trauma when mom and dad cannot act like adults. In time you will want to forgive. Forgiveness is for you, it has nothing to do with your ex. It is letting go of the anger and bitterness, but maintaining appropriate boundaries as she broke your trust. It is not saying what she did is ok....this is where people get forgiveness all wrong. 50% time off from your kids is nirvana. Right now you are spiralling because…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 05:45 PM
4

If you don't reflect on your role in your failed romantic relationships and learn from your mistakes you will repeat them until you do. Same story just with a different partner. If you do grow and learn you are going to attract amazing partners in the real world (you won't find amazing partners on apps) and have amazing romantic relationships and marriage if that is what you want. Broken people attract broken people, that is why divorce rates are so high.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 05:38 PM
12

She fired you as her protector and provider. If your company fired you at your job would you go back and work for free because they mismanaged? Fuck no you wouldn't. Time to stop being a doormat. She is a fully grown woman and has the tools to take care of herself. She may have to go hungry or live in a shelter for a bit but she will be just fine. The only thing I would offer is to take the kids full time until she gets her life sorted out.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 10:53 PM
1

Men where made to do hard things. If your life is hard you are on the right track. Keep going.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 10:48 PM
9

Been there. Kids are extremely adaptable (far more than us). Your son will be fine. My daughter (8yo at the time) was super excited to have two bedrooms, didn't care that mom and dad were no longer living together or that mom had a new partner. In time I learned it wasn't really my kiddos that made me feel sick to my stomach. It was that feeling that I was so easily replaced, and I was worried the new guy would take over as dad. As it turns out (just as it will for you) my daughter adapted quick…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 04:53 PM
15

It means she has lost all attraction for you and has detached emotionally from you. It is not by choice, women are wired to detach from men they do not feel safe with. Once detached there is no way for her to ever regain attraction for you (again mother natures orders, it is not a choice). Hence the finality of the phrasing "she is done" or "I'm done". No amount of begging, pleading, crying, going to counseling, changing your ways will change things. There is no way to "win" a woman back once sh…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 12:15 AM
2

Do not let the sexually immoral stop you from living your lives. If you do you'd have to isolate yourselves from the entire world as it is choc full of sexually immoral people. Just because someone is a poor spouse does not mean they are a poor parent/caregiver. Is this ex a good parent? Will your child be safe staying overnight at her place? Put your ego aside and make a good decision based on facts. If you feel safe with your daughter staying there (i.e. the ex is sober and present and there w…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 08:31 PM
-1

Your wife is not your employer. She couldn't care less about duty. Women only care about how you currently making them feel. Keep courting them and you are golden, nothing more and nothing less. Instead of working overtime and making your boss rich invest that time in yourself and your romantic relationship. The payoff will be far greater than the extra cash in your paycheck. Tough lesson to learn but we all have to learn it through loss so you are not alone. Your future romantic relationships w…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 08:13 PM
11

If she loved you she would have worked things out with you. That text was to make her feel better about herself, it was not for you. She has some fond memories of the good times you had together, that is what she is thinking of. Love is about enduring the hard times and she proved she does not have the capacity for that. She gave you the best Christmas gift of all, freedom to find a partner who does have the capacity to love another.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 03:26 PM
3

Losing your identity is tough.it will take a few years to rebuild. I hit the gym with a goal to do some local men's physique competitions. It's just a hobby but also a second full time job so it filled my free time nicely. I also focused on being a kick ass dad and started a new career. Alot changed for me but life is so much better now. You are super young and can reinvent yourself anyway you want. Exciting times. Just get out there and try new things. Keep doing the things you really enjoy.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/25 01:30 AM
3

Women require external validation. It is just the way they are wired. If they get it from their man they will be loyal for life. If they don't they will seek it from other men outside of the relationship. Social media on its own is not an issue. If you continue to court her then her posts will be all about you. If they are not then that is a flashing check engine light that not all is right in the polarity department of your relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/25 01:20 AM
3

It's not a random chance. If you do not have relationship skills then you are going to suck at relationships. Unfortunately they do not teach relationship skills in schools and most of us do not have fathers or male mentors who have relationship skills to teach us either. Take this opportunity to learn these skills so your future romantic relationships will last as long as you want them to. Interesting stat they may be of benefit to you....the divorce rate for spouses that pray together is less …
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 04:26 PM
4

If you are just looking for casual sex then go for it. I'd stick to 25-32 yo women, just make sure not to get them pregnant, and avoid them if they have children. You won't be ready for anything serious for at least a few years. Just be aware of the effects of oxytocin and dopamine the first 6 months....that is not love ...do not go making crazy commitments and be upfront with them you are looking for casual only.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 09:56 PM
4

It'll be tight those first few years. You will likely have to work multiple jobs. Without a wife and 50/50 you will have plenty of time to grind tho.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 09:50 PM
5

WTF are you waiting for? Grow a set and divorce this toxic woman. You were blindsided by AP#1, the rest is ALL on you and you deserve everything you get for staying. Set some standards for yourself and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/25 07:22 PM
12

It is over once a woman enters into an emotional affair. They only give that side of themselves when they are single in their minds. No coming back from that. Sorry my man.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 06:51 PM
6

By the time the man seeks therapy to save the relationship she is already done. This is why it does not work. Therapy is for when you are both still choosing to love each other and you are both still communicating. It is for making a strong relationship stronger, not to resuscitate a dead one.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 06:48 PM
2

With 50/50 you will have plenty of time off to get a second job or start a business. Limitless options.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 07:55 PM
10

I was in your boat. I co-parent and it's been 4 years and I still haven't met the affair partner. My ex did offer but I let her know I have no respect for her affair partner and won't surround myself with men like him. She understood and it's never been an issue. She makes sure he isn't around when we do pickups/drop offs etc. Not communicated but she also knows I'll knock his teeth out if we are ever in the same room so that helps too😆.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 11:14 PM
4

I did gym and built a nice physique. Never had a problem getting dates after that. As for finding quality women never had a problem with that either, but I don't use apps. Become that muscular guy and the women will approach you in the real world. Women also don't care if you have a child, IME it just makes you even more desirable to them.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 11:06 PM
6

I'm introverted and also lacked communication skills after divorcing. I made it a priority to engage in small talk with cashiers, waiters etc to get those social muscles back into shape. After a few months it was easy breezy. Never had a problem getting dates. My ex wife was an extrovert. My long term partner now is an introvert. She understands me and my needs far more than my ex. My advice stick to fellow introverts for your serious relationships.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 11:03 PM
2

For me 1 and 2 are tied for first, the remaining 4 also tied but for last (I'd never do any of these).
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 10:54 PM
6

My advice be flexible on your parenting schedule. Build up that goodwill. Down the track you will meet a special woman and you will want that flexibility returned. If you stiff your ex now guess what she is going to say when you ask? Being a single dad with an amicable and flexible co-parent is utopia. Being a single dad with a bitter and resentful co-parent is hell on earth. You don't need to be friends (I would advise not to be friends!), but be a good business partner and make smart investmen…
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 01:05 AM
-9

They communicate, just not in a way that men are normally able to understand. This is where the disconnect comes from. Men saying they were blindsided, women saying they communicated their needs until they were blue in the face. As the leader of the relationship it is on men to learn how they communicate. Once you do that you are gold, they don't actually need that much to be happy.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 12:48 AM
3

The amount of toxic women is the same as the amount of toxic men....they are a minority of the population. Dont let one bad apple ruin the bunch.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 08:31 PM
3

Any woman who is ok with getting involved with another woman's husband is not worth dating.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 12:55 AM
11

You're not crazy, just misguided. For a woman to remain interested in you sexually you have to maintain desirability in her eyes. This is where must men fail. Women do not care whatsoever about you working, cooking, helping with the kids, providing financially, or buying her things. These things do not rate in female sexual attraction whatsoever. They only care about how you make them feel. Too much to go into here but in short you must maintain your desirability to other women and you must main…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 06:45 PM
1

Making big decisions in times of stress is a very bad idea as you have found out. The play would have been to go rent near your sister for a base, and then go travel and try new things to find out who the fuck you are after losing yourself in marriage. Once you do figure yourself out and know what you want your future to look like then lay down roots to achieve that. Is that going to be working at FedEx in Texas? Slim to no chance. As for dating get on trt, join a gym and build yourself a nice p…
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/25 06:33 PM
6

New guy is in the picture for sure when they act like this. In the end it is irrelevant, she doesn't want a future with you in it and you need to accept that. There is no fixing things, she is done. As for the kiddos best thing you can do is fake being ok the first 2 years. If they see Dad is happy and stable then they will feel it's ok for themselves to be happy. After 2 years you won't need to fake it, you will be the happiest you have ever been.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/25 08:40 PM
6

Teaching your kids to stay with a cheater? No way in hell mate. You walk and you teach your kids what it means to value yourself and not settle for a garbage partner you will never be able to trust again.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/25 08:35 PM
1

Love does not fade. Love is a conscious choice you make everyday. Lust fades and infatuation fades. Figure out why you are deciding to stop choosing to love your wife. Are those reasons fixable? Is your wife willing to work on the relationship? Does she have things of her own she wants changed in the relationship? My advice go to counseling and see if you can build a brand new marriage with your wife. You may be able to build something amazing together.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 11:06 PM
5

Lookup your state calculators. The judge will follow that. Cohabitating is a horrible idea for you and your child. Sell the house, split the proceeds, and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 10:59 PM
8

I waited for 2 years. Waiting was an excellent choice for me otherwise I would have been the same person just with a different partner. Instead I got to grow and change for those 2 years and reflect on what went wrong in the relationship. I'm a way better man, father and partner now. I'll be proposing to my gf next year. Life is better than ever. I didn't want the divorce but it was a blessing.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/25 08:25 PM
12

You're gold mate. A do it yourself divorce is the way to go when your wife is in the affair fog. Just get it done ASAP before the new guy dumps her (and he will). When that happens she will become a man hater and will be out for blood, and you are an easy target. Go down to your county courthouse and file today. You should have it completed in around 2 weeks for a few hundred in court fees. If you need help the county clerk will guide you through it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/25 09:19 PM
20

Women are not wired to be accountable. They react based on their emotions and how they feel. It is beautiful chaos. If you want logical and accountable then date men.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/25 09:12 PM
3

That would be a failure to me....5 failures to be specific.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 08:16 PM
4

I would have stayed because I honor my oaths. But I didn't have a choice my ex cheated and she walked. Since then the universe has blessed me with an incredible life and an incredible woman. Everything happens for a reason. Married but living apart? That's not marriage, that's dating.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 08:44 PM
6

Hard when it happens, but you'll look back on it as one of the best days of your life.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 08:39 PM
10

Sick and needy is the big reason. Women want a man to take care of their needs, they don't want to play caregiver or mommy to their man. Take care of their needs without being needy and they will be loyal for life. Drop the ball on taking care of their needs and you have about 12 months before they lose attraction and pass the point of no return. This is when they will look to other men to get their needs taken care of.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 08:36 PM
2

Gym is not negotiable, keep that a part of any life. Next is you need to find your purpose and go chase that. Hobbies are ok but between gym, purpose, and the woman that comes into your life you won't have much time to waste on hobbies.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 08:29 PM
2

A tough season, but you will grow leaps and bounds and be so much stronger for it. Everything happens for a reason.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 05:24 PM
-3

I keep it private. That's my ex's story to tell. Besides other than your mom, nobody cares. So tell your mom if you feel the need to play victim.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 07:34 PM
3

No you do not sacrifice your mental health for your ex. You, your kids, and your future partner deserve the best version of you. No, you do not invite your ex to things you plan with the kids on your time. Your ex is no longer any part of your future. Keep the focus on Dad's world. Your ex's relationship with her kids is not your responsibility in any way.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 05:36 PM
12

Just so you know when women say they want to "grow" that means they want to go experience other men. You are married so yes she is committing adultery. Most women are not going to care on bit about that once they have lost attraction for their husband. Your wife falls into this category woman.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 05:31 PM
5

Being married with kids is meh. Being a single parent with an involved co-parent and 50/50 is utopia. Bring a single parent 100% of the time is hell on earth.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 07:28 PM
7

Parents who ask their kids to lie are the lowest. Id have a good talk to your kids and set them straight on always being honest. As for your ex she is beyond redemption so no point in communicating with her. Count down the days until your youngest is 18 and then you never have to communicate with your toxic ex again.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 07:20 PM
2

You chose a bad partner. Expecting him to now act like a solid man and apologize is a recipe for frustration. You cannot build a future with a partner who is not honest. Divorce this guy and go find a good man to build a life with. Hint: a solid man is not going to refer to his co-parent as his babys mamma. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 07:18 PM
3

Lifting heavy weights is always the answer after divorce. Go join your local gym today and you'll get an instant family of like minded individuals chasing improvement.....this is the tribe you are looking for.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 07:12 PM
3

A romantic partner does not bring you happiness. Happiness is internal. You bring happiness to a relationship, the relationship does not provide it. Give yourself 2 years to rebuild a happy life for yourself is my advice. A quality woman is not going to want anything to do with a man in your current state. If you put in the work in a few years you'll have plenty of quality women chasing you.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 07:30 PM
15

Living with her, sleeping in the same bed, going out with her.....all of that makes you look pitiful and so unattractive to your wife. You are telling her she can treat you like trash and you'll come back for more. If your boss at worked fired you would you still show up everyday to help out for free in hopes you get your job back? Your wife fired you. Don't be a doormat. Start rebuilding a new life for yourself today.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 07:25 PM
4

You screwed yourself by giving up your rights to 50/50 custody. Go see a lawyer and find out what you need to do to get 50/50. Your relationship with your child depends on it. Once you do get 50/50 then the answer is you parallel parent with a toxic ex, not co-parent.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 07:20 PM
1

All the calculators for WA state are online. Plug in the info and it will tell you what you will be paying for alimony and child support. Super simple.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 07:13 PM
0

Who cares she's long gone. Doesn't matter why she left or what she was doing, all that matters is she is no longer in your life so evict her from your head.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 12:06 AM
2

Be a wreck. Your wife is divorcing you. You'll be a wreck for a year or two, and it's completely normal and ok to be one during this time. You'll be angry, bitter, spiteful, sad and depressed. That's what happens when a romantic partner dumps you. Don't censor yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 12:04 AM
0

It's not your job to convince your spouse that she should value your marriage. Keep being a solid guy, keep dating your wife, keep being a kickass dad, and if she wants out of that (she won't) then grant her the divorce. If you are lacking in some of those areas then it's time to lift your husband game.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 11:56 PM
6

Did you have a conversation with her and let her know you would like her to make you a cup every so often so you feel loved? They aren't mind readers.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 11:48 PM
2

I just go about my everyday life. When a cute woman asks me for my number I give it out and setup a date. Id recommend a few years of being single first tho. Enjoy that alone time. Go to the gym and build a nice physique....the hotter your bod the more women will approach you.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 11:46 PM
-5

Women crave emotional intimacy not lustful dating. You withheld that for 5 years and she closed herself off to you. Unlike men once a woman turns that light switch off for you it can never be turned back on. It is biological for them and not a choice. No amount of therapy can change things once she is past the point of no return. Unfortunately most of us only change things once she is past that point of no return. The good news is if you do continue to date her she will never turn that light swi…
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 04:22 PM
1

I'm envious. I haven't had a night alone since 1998. I wound up with the kids when the ex left. I'm moving out next year but that will be with my gf. If it were me I'd get a dog/cat. Get some good food to make yourself some nice meals. Go out and grab a coffee (easy way to meet women), hit the gym, read, draw, listen to music. Enjoy the dream.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 10:08 PM
8

I know it stings now but you will be so much better off without this toxic woman in your life. When you make it to the other side you'll see that. Congrats on your son! You have won at life. Time to just cruise, enjoy your son, and build an awesome life for yourself. No contact with your ex except for logistics regarding your son. Welcome to the next chapter of your life. It is going to be amazing.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 06:56 PM
13

Giving you children AND freedom is indeed the best gift possible for a man. Your married buddy is not wrong, you have won at life. Being a single dad is utopia. May take a few years but you will be thanking your ex for giving you such an amazing opportunity. These days when guys tell they are getting a divorce I want to tell them congratulations. I know they won't get it for a few years so I tell them the standard sorry. But inside I am so happy for them.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 05:27 PM
3

Block her on everything if you don't have kids together.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 12:25 AM
1

You don't need to see your kids more. Follow the court order. Use your time off to invest in yourself and future partners.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 12:23 AM
5

If you are asking if you are a narcissist then you aren't one. A narcissist is incapable of self reflection and will never ask the question.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 12:20 AM
13

Never met a person who regretted divorce. It sucks in the moment but once you get over it your life is so much better.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 12:19 AM
6

Divorced a week? 2 years to go my man before you'll be ready for any type of relationship. Enjoy being single, it never lasts long enough.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 12:16 AM
3

It wasn't the money. That was just the straw that broke the camels back. You stopped giving her feels. If you continue to date your wife she'll stick by your side thru anything. If all you focus on is finances and your kids the romantic relationship will die.....you have to put the romantic relationship first above all else. Providing means taking care of her emotional needs, it does not mean paying the bills.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 12:13 AM
9

First off congrats on the kids. You have won at life! It sucks to let go of a dream but you will get through it. In 2-3 years you will be thanking your ex for giving you the freedom to go find a much better partner. This next chapter of your life is going to be insanely fun and fulfilling. Keep being a kickass dad.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/25 06:25 PM
10

Feminine energy is chaos. If you want a calm and comfortable life then marry a man. It is what it is.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 05:33 PM
5

I did not continue to date my wife. This accounts for 95% of divorces. Easy fix, just takes effort, and it does not end.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 05:31 PM
7

Men were made to work hard, not retire. Find a job you enjoy and keep working and contributing to society and your legacy. You've got this
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 10:30 PM
5

If you don't have kids together then no contact is the best gift you can both give yourselves.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 12:20 AM
16

Yes it is triggering. Your partner is not being honest and is using you and your love to help them through their grief. Then they walk. You are left blindsided to face it all alone, years stolen from your life. It is pathetic and weak.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 12:02 AM
1

Only introduce a romantic partner to your kids if you are planning to marry them. If you two are not serious keep her away from your son, he wants no part of her in his life.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 07:23 PM
2

The right thing would be to give her space and time to make a decision. If she asks for a divorce then grant it to her. Once a person betrays you then you can never 100% trust them ever again, that is just the reality of it. Your wife deserves a life partner she can trust 100%, hopefully she will figure that out.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 08:42 PM
4

My advice accept that you may be alone forever. What is so bad about that? In a few years you will probably prefer it. Once you accept and start enjoying your season of singleness the universe will send a woman to upend things. Never fails.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 09:46 PM
7

Time for Life 2.0 my man!! In 2 years you'll be thanking your ex for giving you freedom. Forget about rotting in retirement, man was made to work. Go get after it in the gym and start rebuilding something amazing for yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 09:28 PM
21

She's in love and wants to have his baby, just as mother nature intended. Not crazy at all. Your kids are going to have a new sibling, be happy for them. And be very happy that you don't have to live in a house with 5 kids!! Life is good mate, keep the focus on dads world and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 09:24 PM
5

Hard to see it now but in a few short years you will be loving just having you and your dog in the house. Hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 11:48 PM
3

No. Everyone has their own journey and challenges. Everything happens for a good reason.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 04:06 PM
3

You didn't give yourself any time to get over your divorce before you jumped into another relationship. Of course you were not ready to accept love. Give yourself a good 2-3 years to heal and rebuild. Only then will you be ready for a healthy romantic relationship. You'll know you're ready when you are open to marriage if the right woman comes along.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 04:03 PM
9

The anger stage will only last 2 years or so. Definitely take advantage of it to build a nice physique. 10% bodyfat, some nice muscle, and you are golden. After the 2 years you won't give two fucks about being better than the guy she is with. You only care now because you have not let her go, and that is perfectly natural as the dumpee, it is going to take time. After the two years keep maintaining your physique for yourself, not some woman. Ironically this will be attractive AF to all women. Th…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 05:33 PM
1

Nothing you can do. They are old enough to stay at home. Stop focusing on what goes on in mom's world, keep the focus on dads world.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 07:09 PM
4

Take the day off work and spoil yourself. Sleep in, make yourself a nice breakfast, go hit the gym, get in a nice lunch, go for an early dinner at a restaurant you enjoy, then go get a massage and chill at home super relaxed. Best bday ever.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 07:30 PM
1

Find an apartment/house within a 20 min drive and fill out a rental application. Make sure it has the required number of bedrooms to house your kiddos. Fill out the application and wait until you are approved. Then organize a place your kids can go to for a few hours and have the conversation with your wife. No point separating, move out and file for divorce. In Oregon you will automatically get 50/50 custody. Use the online state calculators if you are interested in how much you'll be paying fo…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 07:24 PM
5

After 3 years he should have done the work to heal and forgive so not much for you to do other than love him and build a great life together. He should have all the boundaries needed in place to cut his ex out of his life and forget about her. My advice stop thinking about the ex entirely and focus on your futures.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 07:09 PM
5

I think this is the number one reason I would never invite a single mom into my life. Being a stepdad has to be the most thankless job on the planet.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 10:57 PM
-21

Why did you ask her to marry you? Why did you choose to have kids with her? Sounds like you chose beauty over virtue and now that bill has come due. Next time go for both.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 10:49 PM
1

Been there, done that. The first year will be a total write off ...accept that. Lots of crying, grieving, being miserable, staying in bed. It is what it is. If you can swing it financially take a gap year off work. After that it is all gravy. You have a daughter so you have already won at life. Daughters are your ride or die. Congrats!! You'll have plenty of time to pick up old hobbies, get your out of shape butt to the gym, get yourself a dog, enjoy girlfriends, stack plenty of $$$, plus plenty…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 09:38 PM
7

Been in your shoes. No, do not tell them about their mother's infidelity right now. Sure it will make you feel good throwing your ex under the bus but it will make their lives even harder than it is already going to be. Once they are adults and if they are curious and come to you and ask about what happened then be honest. Until then just say you fell out of love and then change the subject. And just so you know you only have the tip of the iceberg from your ex. Cheaters always trickle truth. Go…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 09:30 PM
4

Very rare for a woman to have a ONS. Women will go looking for another partner if you don't continue dating her.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 12:17 AM
14

You can have peace being married. You just have to learn how women tick instead of making the same mistakes you did the first time around. Once you know what to do it is smooth sailing.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 12:12 AM
6

When a woman switches that light switch off for you it is over. There is nothing you can do to "win" back your wife. There is no way for her to turn that light switch back on for you. It is hard to accept but your wife no longer loves you in a romantic sense and hasn't in many years. She now only has a familial love for you (like love for a brother). There is no point of a separation unless it is required by law in your state prior to divorcing. It is time to start working amicably toward divorc…
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/25 05:33 PM
9

It will take about 3 years from the divorce to heal and to get back to normal. The new girlfriend will add to that time unfortunately. When this new rebound relationship ends you will have to process the end of two relationships and it is going to be a real bitch to contend with. You will be tempted to jump into a third quickly to avoid having to work on yourself...up to you if you let the cycle continue or decide to put in the work.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/25 05:20 PM
1

The first 3 years I def went through my hoe phase as well. After I got that out of my system I decided I'd only date with the intention of getting married again. As usual the universe delivered and I'll probably end up marrying my current partner next year. I remember in my divorce recovery group the stat that 75% of divorcees remarry within 5 years. I laughed at the thought at the time. Crazy how time heals all wounds.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 07:24 PM
1

I'll be blunt. You are not the one for him. You don't knock his socks off. Us men are simple creatures. When we find a woman who does it for us then we are committing. You run into women like this once or twice a decade so there are no games when we find them. Until then we will casually string along for sex and companionship until we find a woman who knocks our socks off.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 07:03 PM
3

No.The universe provides the same service for free, and actually delivers good matches when you are ready to receive them.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 06:48 PM
7

I never look in the rear view mirror, I keep my focus on progressing and moving forward. Plenty of fine women who aren't exes to date, I'll choose them every time.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 06:47 PM
8

You don't need to meet him, just run a background check on him. He is not going to be aligned with you, or give two flying fucks about you, and nor should he. You also need to accept that you are parallel parenting, not co-parenting, with your ex. pick ups/drop offs are the only two times mom and dads world intersect.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/25 11:59 PM
7

Men and women communicate in completely different ways, and neither sex knows this innately. Both think they are communicating to their partner loud and clear when in reality they are not communicating at all. In a perfect world both partners would do the work to bridge the communication gap between genders but in the real world this rarely happens. As the man leading the relationship make it your business to know how women communicate and use their language.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 05:19 PM
4

When your wife asks for a divorce you grant it. She will never ask for a divorce if she still loves you. Trying to win her back or to convince her to love you again is not going to work Trying to figure out why she no longer loves you is a fools errand. Closure does not help. Let go.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 05:13 PM
6

Being honest is always the right thing to do. Tell her you want to have a hard conversation with her and setup a time when it is just the two of you. Have that conversation and tell her your intentions. Do not run away like a scared little boy. You have been with her for 26 years and she is the mother of your children. Do set a date when you will move out by but I'd say make that cutoff 6-8 weeks in the future. Hiding everything until after Xmas is a weak move. Be honest, your partner at least d…
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 05:06 PM
13

When a wife wants a divorce there is no saving the marriage. There is absolutely nothing you can do to "win her back". The advice is gold because working on yourself will set you up for future success for your life without your wife. Most guys do not understand that you cannot win a partner back so it gives them motivation to do something positive for themselves if they think there is a chance the wife will take notice.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 05:27 PM
5

About a year prior to divorcing. At the time I still loved her. Why? Who the fuck knows lol. Hurt like hell but gym cured all. Nothing hurts like leg day, not even a cheating wife, so if its not leg day then it's a good day no matter what happens.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 05:24 PM
15

You'll have those random dreams and thoughts for the rest of your life. It does not mean that you haven't moved on. As for your girlfriend it is going to take years to build the kind of relationship you had with your wife. You also have that baggage of being hurt so it is going to take even more time to be fully open and vulnerable with her. Don't compare, just enjoy what you have.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 09:17 PM
9

Been there, done that. There is another guy in the picture who is making her feel alive again. She's tired of being in mom mode 24/7. Unfortunately they don't teach us guys how to get your wife out of mom mode on a frequent basis prior to marriage. You'll know what to do in your next marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 05:28 PM
3

If a woman is into you she won't care what you make or if you even have a job. She'll make any and all excuses for you and be happy to support you. Obviously she does not feel this way with her wanting a prenup. Sounds like her clock is ticking and you are "good enough" to have a kid with. No way she stays long term as she just doesn't have that kind of desire for you. She'll have a kid with you and in 5 years or so will leave to go find a man she really wants to be with. My advice live within y…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 05:14 PM
3

5 years is the conventional wisdom. 2 years to heal, 6-12 months in a rebound relationship (yes you both are most definitely each other's rebounds so don't kid yourself), another year of dating until you find someone you are compatible with (and that includes same political values), and at least a year spent together before you pop the question.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 09:25 PM
6

Late forties. My wealth has increased significantly since she left. Her credit card bills alone were $8k a month, now they are zero (for me at least). Throw in hair, nails, clothing, dental bills, fake tits, food, vacations, car payment and that is one hell of a dead weight to lose. My bills are $1k per month so the rest gets stacked.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 12:00 AM
8

When a woman mentions divorce it has been over for a long time and there is no way to "win" her back. Once a woman's switch turns off for you there is no way to ever turn it back on - not now, not in 1 year, not in 20 years. When she asks for a divorce you grant it and move on. Going on trips together after she has dropped the bomb is setting yourself up for pain and misery. You need to focus on a future without her in it, not galavanting around the place pretending she still wants you as a roma…
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 11:52 PM
3

Unless you have kids together there is no reason to speak to her ever again. Go no contact and block her on everything. When you do think of her focus on her negatives. In time you'll wonder what you ever saw in her.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 05:26 PM
2

Run a background check on the guy. If he is clean be happy he is giving you and your ex free childcare. He is going to be the unpaid nanny (as long as your ex spreads her legs every few months) until your son turns 18 and then your ex is going to kick the poor sap to the curb. As for you enjoy all the perks of being a single dad. Let this guy spend his time and money on your son while you are free to do whatever and whomever you want. Your son is going to treat him like garbage before too long. …
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 05:43 PM
1

Data shows religion, regularly attending services together (most important factor), and not cohabitating prior to marriage have the lowest divorce rates.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 05:32 PM
17

Date younger. Women older than early thirties are very likely to have a lot of baggage and are just not happy people. Why would you invite that into your life?
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 05:13 PM
2

Why didn't you want to move in the right direction with her?
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 07:13 PM
3

Married 22 years. Cat 2. Took 2 years to get over it. At the time I thought the world was ending lol. 3 years on now and I have a good laugh at myself.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 07:05 PM
1

I get what you mean regarding dating. Just your body's way of telling you that you aren't ready to date yet. When you are ready the first 6 months is the best part. Full honeymoon mode and high on oxytocin. Enjoy that stage. As for kids the perk of being a guy is there is no time limit. I thought I was done with kids but here I am heading into my 50s with a plan to have kids with my new partner over the next 5-10 years. At 35 you are a spring chicken.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 07:02 PM
1

Move out and get your own place.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 06:55 PM
3

Run a background check on the guy. If he has any violent/sex criminal convictions then file for an emergency protection order then work on full custody. If he is clean then continue to focus on dad's world. Your child only needs one stable household and parent to be fine, and you are in 100% control of that.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 05:00 PM
10

Your marriage is not the reason you are bored and depressed. A divorce is just going to make you even more boring and depressed. Spark is easy to bring back if you both want to put the effort in. If you truly don't want to try then set your wife free so she can be with a guy who wants to put effort into a relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/25 11:20 PM
8

Yep definitely went through the ho phase, we all do lol. I have a full time job, my kids, dog and gym to fill my time. At the one year mark I was still feeling lonely and was using women to fill that void. By year 3 I was happy being alone, so naturally the universe decided to bring an awesome partner into my happy life. Enjoy your season of singleness it won't last and it will never be long enough. Gym and a dog is a must, without kids you'll have plenty of time to add in other hobbies you used…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/25 11:15 PM
3

No such thing as casual sex. It is just the pairing of one person who is emotionally unavailable with another who has low self esteem. It ends the same way every time....the person with no self worth getting hurt while the avoidant walks away guilt free because in their minds they said no strings attached from the beginning. Work on yourself, figure out why you don't feel you deserve a loving and committed partner, and steer clear of nsa sex.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 07:37 PM
2

Being lonely and desperate is a big sign you aren't ready to date women. You have a lot of work to do on yourself, for now date yourself. If you don't love you and what you have going on then neither is a romantic partner.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 07:31 PM
7

Bad spot to prioritize your kids over yourself. They deserve the best version of you, they won't get that if you constantly put yourself behind them. Your co-parent is doing it right. Pay attention.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/25 05:31 PM
3

Why would it be on you to get the kids around on your co-parents time? That is for her to figure out. She will have access to family/friends/boyfriends to help her out, or pay someone if need be. If you cave on your boundaries with your ex you are going to lose your girlfriend for sure as she will lose all respect for you (and rightly so). You can't be a doormat your entire life.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 10:08 PM
1

Lots of men fail here. Women are neither a goal nor a purpose. You have never found your purpose. The good news? Now is the perfect time to do so. Think back to when you were a young teen. What was your dream job? What were your hobbies back then? Any grand plans? My advice choose ridiculously large and challenging goals for yourself and go crush them the next few years. When you do start to date again make sure never to lose sight of your goals or your purpose....women and building a family are…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 07:38 PM
3

I don't touch social media. Unless you are using it to earn an income it is a complete waste of your valuable time. Log out, forget the passwords and never look back.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 07:30 PM
8

Dating doesn't have to cost a dime. Find a woman who is into you, not what you have to offer. If you date women who are not attracted to you but just what you have to offer (sounds like a pattern with you) they will get bored and move on. You cannot negotiate attraction. I'd also advise steering clear of single mothers. They bring a lot more baggage and chaos into your world. Plenty of hotties with no kids to compete for you....choose one of them instead. When a woman is into you she won't care …
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 07:22 PM
10

Classic avoidant behavior. Have your fun but you need to know the relationship has no future whatsoever.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 06:50 PM
3

Sounds like she found an emotional connection with a man at work and is ready to move on. You guys had a really good run, most marriages last 5-7 years. You can probably look back and see that you guys stagnated a long time ago. This is an opportunity for both of you to experience something different. Nesting is a horrible idea for multiple reasons so tell her no to that. Sell everything, split the proceeds, and go your separate ways.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 11:07 PM
2

Oregon is a no fault state. Google the state calculator, plug in the numbers, this is what you will be paying.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 11:57 PM
1

Way too complicated. One week on, one week off is best for the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 05:33 PM
3

That's what summer romances are for my man. Go find a hottie in a sexy sundress and have fun when you're not stuck in dad mode.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 05:31 PM
-5

I'd argue that sports are more important than the classroom, but that's just me. Focus on dads world, you have no control over what mom does in her world. If you want your son not to do activities outside of school while his grades are poor then keep him at home on your days.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 05:29 PM
7

Quit social media and you and your kids won't have to endure it for another second. That time you would have wasted on socials invest in the gym.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 07:53 PM
2

Gym first and foremost. Get yourself off the meds. At your age go get your bloods done and get on trt. High test will cure your depression so you can toss the SSRIs. It will give you a ton of energy you will need to be a single dad. Once you have a nice physique dating and life will be on easy mode.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 07:50 PM
6

Yes when you get betrayed it fucks you over mentally big time. The biggest thing is you stop trusting yourself. How the fuck did I not see what was going on for the past X years? After that you question everything and do not trust yourself to be able to spot deception or make good decisions. With time and work you will overcome it though.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 07:47 PM
7

Never had a woman ghost. Never dated using apps either. My advice stick to women you meet in the real world and skip the games. Regardless good for you for going out and having fun.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 07:43 PM
7

If you are in the USA you will get 50/50 unless you are proved to be an unfit parent or willingly sign your rights away.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 07:41 PM
3

Not over reacting at all. Hire a lawyer and file for full custody. Mom's new boyfriends are the number one perp for child sexual abuse and he is a convicted sex offender. Slam dunk case. If you don't protect your own daughter who will??
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/25 05:31 PM
1

Going forward until you get something in writing from the courts I would just assume you are on your own mate. Enroll the kids in activities you can afford to pay for, and if you can't no biggie just don't sign them up. Don't assume you will be getting any help from your stbxw until you have something enforceable in writing.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/25 05:28 PM
2

Your co-parent gets to do whatever she wants at her place. It was controlling behavior expecting her to follow your rules. You do you, let her do her, enjoy life.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/25 05:20 PM
3

Start dating. Enjoy the new space and enjoy the women.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/25 06:39 PM
3

Yep we ask them to marry us, not the other way around. 100% on us. Also divorce is not a bad thing. Yet to meet a guy who is unhappily divorced. Still run into many that are unhappily married tho.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/25 06:34 PM
-5

Women are of course wired differently, but the red pill narrative that for them love is transactional is complete BS. There is no blindsiding, modern men just don't have the tools to understand how women communicate. Women do not discard at a moments notice, it comes after a few years of communication from them (which men are clueless to for the most part) that they are unhappy. The phone call was just the straw that broke the camels back, she was unhappy for a long time. For future relationship…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/25 05:23 PM
2

Anxiety is your body telling your brain to wake the fuck up as something is not right. There are no shortcuts. Get divorced, take a season of singleness to heal and rebuild, and go hit the gym and get jacked and shredded.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 07:35 PM
6

Congrats on being a dad! Now that you are a single dad you have won at life. Time to cut out every toxic person in your life (especially the ex). Do not introduce drama or chaos into your life. Your life is now on easy mode, do not fuck it up.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 05:39 PM
2

Everyone is right. Move on. Block your ex on everything. Start working on improving yourself. Forget about your ex or what her life is like it is none of your business now.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 05:35 PM
9

Dating world is the same as it ever was, and you don't even need to think about that for a few years. Smoothies until you can down quality food. Whole milk, bananas and peanut butter. Nothing wrong with renting. You cannot take a house with you. Let go of material things they are meaningless. Missing out on that time with your kids in the beginning is hard. Hopefully you have 50/50. If not continue to fight for that. If you do just know in time you will discover having that time off is a huge be…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 05:31 PM
1

$1200 per month for food and clothing for 2 sounds like plenty to me. $600 would cover it unless you are on a high protein diet for some reason. Put the other $600 towards your credit card debt.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/25 05:29 PM
1

50/50 is the default in most states. Don't sweat it. If you cannot line up care for your kids while you are at work then change jobs.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/25 05:26 PM
1

Dont sweat it is my advice. Instead put that energy into your co-parent relationship. The extra fluff is not enforceable by the courts so don't waste your time. As long as 50/50 is in writing you are gold. Now the real work starts building the co-parent relationship to where you are both amicable and flexible and never have to go to court again (ironically more work than a marriage).
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/25 05:23 PM
4

She is not relationship material. Let her know you are looking for casual only and have fun together, but keep it light.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/25 11:54 PM
7

Not a damn thing. I fucked up all over the place but it was loads of fun discovering who I was and what I wanted out of a new relationship. Can't learn that from someone else you just have to go through it. How I did not get fired at work I still don't know lol. Good times.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/25 11:41 PM
2

Keep the dream, replace the person.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/25 11:37 PM
2

Put it away with any photos of your stbxw and any items she bought you over the years. Store it all in the garage. One day your kids will want to dig through it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/25 11:36 PM
3

Gym. Instant family. And everyone there is looking to improve themselves. Iron sharpens iron.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/25 11:34 PM
1

Wait till you get a vacation just you (and maybe a new gf) without the kids. That's going to be next level.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/25 11:33 PM
8

I'd have an honest conversation with her and ask if she still wants to work on the marriage. If so then each of you make a list of wants and negotiate. If you've already done that and she is done then you guys had a good run, nothing to be upset about. Most marriages only last 5 -7 years. Financially you will both take a hit. Better than being in a miserable marriage tho.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/25 11:31 PM
5

The answer is to get a life. Gym, new friends, new girlfriends down the track when you are ready, new hobbies, new adventures. If you don't own a dog then get one. Fill up that empty time on your hands. Using your child to fill a void is not healthy.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 09:41 PM
10

She likely began detaching from you around 2 years ago. 2 years is plenty of time to get over someone.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 09:38 PM
7

Just know that a new partner is not going to make you happy. Everything you are dealing with is internal and can be worked on while you are still married.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 11:18 PM
12

You cheated on her, you divorced her, and now you are upset you won't be getting your family back? WTF bro. You were never serious about this marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 11:15 PM
6

Great that she is working, not good at all that she openly stated it's in case you divorce. If a women is in love with you that's the last thing she would say. Once a woman mentions the d word the relationship is well and truly over.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 11:08 PM
2

I never contact my kiddos when they are with their mom. If they need me or want to speak with me they will reach out. I grew up living with my mom and my dad would call every night. Fucking annoying. It was all just to make him feel better. Completely smothering and weak.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 06:45 PM
1

I would not worry about it. Enjoy the extra time with your kiddos. When you meet a hottie in the future and want to go on a nice long vacation with her you'll have plenty of co-parenting goodwill in the bank.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 06:43 PM
13

No is a complete sentence. Use it. You need to set healthy boundaries with your co-parent. You didn't ignore the red flags back then. You had no clue what a red flag was and your dad sure as hell didn't offer any advice. You did the best with the tools you had at the time. Don't beat yourself up. Learn, and pass it along to your son(s) so they don't go in blind like you had to. You won't be tied once your kids are 18. No reason to communicate with your ex whatsoever after that.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/25 10:14 PM
8

Likes? Online is the last place they can determine if you are a good guy or not. That comes from in person. Put the screen down and go on dates with women where there is mutual attraction in the real world.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/25 10:05 PM
5

Gym, and at your age TRT to rebuild an identity and gain confidence. When you build an awesome physique everything else in life is on easy mode. Don't adapt to your co-parents structure. Live and parent on your terms. Negotiate with your co-parent if that creates any conflict. If you are going to fold to avoid conflict you are going to be miserable.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/25 02:01 AM
6

You've got this mate. Tell the 10yo separately from the teens. Just drive home that Mom and Dad are still going to love them and they are the priority. It's hard seeing your stbxw be happy about the divorce when you aren't. But you will be where she is in 2-3 years.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/25 11:42 PM
4

You'll find a way way to manage no matter what happens. Worst case you have to find another job, get some financial assistance from the govt, and maybe work door dash at nights until things improve. Having you home paid for is huge you should be able to scrape by with any type of job if you cut the fat from the budget.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 11:36 PM
6

Completely normal. She is testing to see if you will set a hard boundary with her (women love this) or if you will cave and give her attention instead of your kids (she will lose attraction if you do this weak behavior). Set the boundary and maintain it and she will be all over you when the kiddos are at moms.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 11:19 PM
4

No was the right answer. Do a swap at the grandparents place, or schedule the swaps around school so she drops off at school in the morning and you pick up from school in the afternoon.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 11:15 PM
8

Just go into it with the idea of making a new friend and have fun. The problem with online is neither of you have any idea if you will find the other attractive. Women always angle and use filters for their online pics, and women base physical attraction off body language, high testosterone cues and if other women are checking you out, not still pics. If lightening does strike just wait for her to signal she wants you to kiss her (touching you, playing with her hair, displaying her neck) then go…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 11:08 PM
6

Women are not wired to level up. They are wired to attract a male who has leveled up to the point of being able to provide safety. Big difference in survival strategies between the two sexes.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 11:03 PM
2

If you are done having kids she really needs to figure out if she is sure she doesn't want kids of her own. She needs to be 100% sure. If she is not sure, or does want kids of her own, then asking her to invest her limited window of child bearing time with you isn't fair and you need to end the romantic relationship. If your kids mom is involved then no need to ask her to help raise them. They certainly don't want a step mom, and your co-parent has the mom side of things covered. She should fall…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 10:47 PM
14

Yep I got the house which was fully paid for, she waived alimony (she was stay at home for 22 years), didn't touch my retirement, didn't touch my side business, didn't ask for child support. She just wanted cash so I gave her $50k. She wanted this to go party with her new boyfriend. Blew through it in less than a year and racked up another $50k on her credit cards. She barely saw our 2 kids that first year, 3 years on she is back to normal and is an awesome co-parent. Mid life crisis for her. I …
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 10:09 PM
5

You need to decide if you want to attempt to build a future with a woman who is disloyal, or do you want to go find an honest and loyal woman instead? If you are fine with a disloyal partner my advice would be to seek counseling to figure out why you don't value yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 07:37 PM
5

You drop the info if and when your date asks about it. If they ask keep it very brief and then change the topic. Dating is about having fun, not for rehashing bad experiences. If you get to the relationship phase and your partner asks then it is appropriate to go into details. In the dating phase keep it light and fun. If you do feel the need to pour your heart out and use your date as a therapist that is a very good indicator you are not ready to date. The fact you feel like you were abandoned …
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 07:32 PM
7

My advice get out of the house, but you do you. Living in a car and showering at your gym is preferable to residing in that toxic environment.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 07:26 PM
3

No you are both 50/50 to blame, it's not all on you. Adultery was just a symptom of an already broken romantic relationship . It has been over for a very long time. You both failed to communicate your needs and wants, resentment grew, and the inevitable happened. For your next relationship foster communication from the get go. Do check-ins with each other every 4-6 weeks. You are not an asshole. You did the best with the tools you had at the time (pretty much no tools at all). Learn, build out t…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/25 05:25 PM
16

Avoidants make up 75% of the online dating pool. They are a fucking mess. The love bombing and sex in the beginning is fun. But like you said all surface level unfulfilling BS. The hot and cold is not worth the sex to me. Once you move on to a healthy relationship and see how easy it is compared to dating an avoidant you realize how fucked up it really is. It is like dating a sex robot.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/25 09:51 PM
3

I'd be putting your shit to the side for now and focus on your child. Mom is abandoning them. Major, major fuck up on your ex's part that is going to really fuck your kid emotionally.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/25 09:46 PM
4

Ask your co-parent to swap so you are on the same schedule as your cuties.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/25 11:43 PM
9

It was pretty brutal the first year as I still loved my ex. After I let go things got much better. Dating a 32 yo now. She's a lot of fun. She is someone I could see myself with long term. Plenty of amazing women out there and my experience has been dating is super easy. The key is blow off the ones who don't put in effort...life is so easy with a woman who will bend over backwards for you.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/25 11:38 PM
6

Your kids are coming over to see their dad, they don't care one bit what your place looks like. Your future is up to you. Rebuilding is hard work. You got lazy and comfortable in your relationship (why she left) and now you don't want to work again. Men were made to struggle and to work hard....you'll be fine. If you ever get to a spot in life where you are comfortable again you are doing something wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 05:29 PM
2

Have fun babysitting her pets while she is abroad banging guys. Spoiler alert she will be coming back preggers. I'd listen to your friends and family mate, you are being a sucker.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 06:51 PM
2

If you have no kids together yes you block her on everything and move on with your life. For future reference sacrificing for a woman will only cause her to lose respect and attraction for you as a man. Feminine energy sacrifices for the masculine energy.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 06:43 PM
–

Just be nice, ask your ex how her day was, and do the exchange. If she starts berating you just say "Have a great evening" and head on your merry way. Women are very easy to control. Since they cannot physically overpower you their only weapon is to try and get a rise out of you. If they can never move you off center then you have completely disarmed them and they have no power. Keep this boundary. She will test it a few times and then start respecting you once she figures out you now have contr…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 10:49 PM
-4

They walk away because you stop courting them. Dating you partner is for life.....if you want them to stick around that is. Women do not value what you provide or how good of a father you are or how long you have been together. They are wired completely differently from men. They respond only to how you make them feel in the moment. They want mystery and they want to be lusted after by a strong and masculine man. This is the only way to get them in their feminine where they are happy (the tingly…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 07:28 PM
3

Never take less than 50/50. Money is always tight when you have to rebuild. You'll have to rebuild a few times throughout your life. No biggie.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 11:45 PM
1

You can't negotiate attraction. Women do not care whatsoever what you do for them or what you buy them. They only care about how you make them feel. Going forward when you date you need to vet women. If they are not into you move on to the next one, do not try and win their approval or buy their love or you'll end up on divorce number 2.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 11:34 PM
11

Probably for the kiddos to see one day. Don't read into that she is coming back or changing her mind. Time to start work on letting go.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 11:29 PM
3

Kids is a deal breaker if you want them and she doesn't. Move on and go find a woman who wants to start a family.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/25 11:55 PM
7

Been there done that. Reconciliation is for sure possible, but it has to be her idea. For that to happen going no contact is key. She has to see you have moved on and no longer want to be with her. Human nature to want what you cannot have. If she knows you still want her you will repulse her as you clearly have no strength and do not value yourself as a man (huge turnoff to women). You got the no contact part right. Telling her you need distance to protect your heart was a big fail tho. You don…
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/25 06:58 PM
7

You totally cucked yourself. Why the fuck would you let your ex move back into your space? At least you seem to have wisened up, but why the fuck would you give her money beyond what is outlined in the divorce decree? Her relationship with her son is on her. No reason she can't grow up, straighten herself out, and get on a regular schedule to see him. You royally fucked up by allowing her back into your space. Next best thing now is to give her 30 days to find another place and then start evicti…
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/25 05:36 PM
10

Join your local gym, lift very heavy shit repeatedly 5-6 days per week, and nuke your central nervous system. Eat a ton of quality food and you will sleep like a baby. It will take 18mos - 2 years until you have let her go. Other options are alcohol, rec drugs, anti depressants, women. All of these will fuck you one way or the other tho.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 05:27 PM
1

Go use the online calculators for California....plug in your info and you will get your answer. These are the same calculators the court will be using.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 11:04 PM
11

You need a legal agreement with her on tax deductions for the kiddos. You will continue to pay until you get this done.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 11:02 PM
4

It doesn't seem like it now but in 3 years your life will be more amazing than ever. Do NOT skip on the most important step to healing.....gym. Sign up to your local today. If you are over 35 get on trt.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 11:00 PM
2

Women place no value on what you do for them, they only attach value to the way you make them feel. If you had set boundaries and told her no (women love this in a man) she'd still be hot for you. As it stands she has lost all attraction and respect for you as a man, hence the devaluation and now the final discard. Don't take it personally, but also don't make the same mistake in future interactions with women. She is still the same woman you married it's just that in the past she found you attr…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 10:56 PM
8

No you are not ready to date. Being desperate for a woman to love and desire you will give them instant ick. They can spot desperation a mile away in the real world. For now get your butt into the gym and build yourself a nice physique. Get yourself on TRT and settle for no less than the outline of your abs. Once achieved you are what women call fuckable. Stay off the apps. Now that you are fuckable and oozing confidence from sky high test levels getting dates will be super easy. When you grocer…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/25 11:42 PM
9

Sell everything and go your separate ways. If she can buy you out fine. If not that's her problem. She fired you as provider and protector, it's the new guy's job to do that now.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/25 11:31 PM
3

Sorry for the pain you are going through mate. Crying in front of your kids about your ex and telling them you miss her is going to royally fuck them up emotionally. THEY look to YOU to know that everything is ok....if you are a mess they will not feel safe with you. They need a masculine role model in their lives and they need you to be a rock for them. They do not need two chaotic feminine role models. Fake it until you make it. It's fine to still have feelings your ex. All you need to do is t…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/25 11:25 PM
3

"So far I'm good...married again already.." Doesn't sound "good". But too late now. You are still stuck in the early phases of grief. I'm going to guess you got involved with women again early on to distract. You never gave yourself time to heal or grow as a man. Anger typically lasts 12-18 months and then you let go and forgive. Give it another year or so. You'll also have to accept because you did not get to grow as a man you are replaying your first marriage just with a different person next …
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/25 09:35 PM
1

I'd recommend throwing some females into that friend mix, two or three. They tend to be more social and outgoing so they will always be hitting you up to go do fun things. Most you will end up sleeping with so there's that benefit too. The ones you don't will set you up on dates with their cute friends.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 09:31 PM
5

This does not sound healthy my man. It sounds like your wife walked out and replaced you very quickly and you are continuing your behavior of people pleasing which led to your wife losing attraction for you. Kids do not come first. You come first. Your daughter needs a strong man as her father who has boundaries and knows what is good/not good for his mental health. If you put the women in your life first they will never respect you. Sounds like your ex is leading the co-parenting relationship (…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/25 11:42 PM
6

Cohabitating with a former partner who has fallen out of love with you is the worst decision you could possibly make. Even living in your car and showering at your gym would be so much better. Your mental health always comes first. You cannot be an effective dad without it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/25 07:32 PM
9

You don't become a man until you go through extreme hardship. That is what men where designed to do. You were coasting on easy mode as a sheltered boy. Congrats on the journey and congrats on discovering that gym is key. Keep doing hard things and stay a man.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/25 11:15 PM
4

Time itself does nothing. It's time and work that heals. You say you've tried everything. How many days do you lift? What is your diet like? Do you have abs? Lifting will make you happy because it will change the way you feel about yourself, and attract plenty of men who want to be friends and even more women who want to fuck you.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/25 11:11 PM
2

You've created quite the narrative for yourself. Problem is it is a recipe for a miserable and bitter life. Time to let go brother.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 11:32 PM
3

I'd say it's 50/50 from what I have seen.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 09:47 PM
4

Yeah you're fucked bro. Once he finds out what you and your ex where into he is probably going to walk away from both of you, and for good reason. His sense of self is going to be completely obliterated. Yes it is all on you and your ex. WTF were you two thinking bringing a kid into this kind of arrangement? My only advice is start saving for multi year therapy sessions for your son, and if he asks you not be a part of his life anymore then respect that request.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 10:11 PM
2

I disagree. Truly loving them means moving to indifference toward your ex and focusing on being the best version of yourself. Hoping for the best for your ex is not an act of selflessness at all....it takes no effort.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 10:04 PM
1

When women are into a guy they will do anything for him including putting their kids on the back burner. This just goes to show the red pill view of dating single moms is all wrong - they do put the guy first as long as they love and respect him. Sounds like all 3 adults in this story are a complete dumpster fire. Those kids are going to have it rough.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 10:00 PM
3

Friends with benefits would be perfect for every other weekend. The rest of the time should be gym and seeing friends/making new friends if you don't have any. I live in a city of 18k and have 3 playmates. In a city of 100k you'll have your hands full.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 01:15 AM
17

She lost attraction for you which is why she let herself go. The new guy she has her eye on is giving her those tingles so she is getting back in shape for him.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 11:39 PM
2

Your response probably turned her off. When an ex reaches out (and they all do) invite them over to your place for dinner and hook up (I'm assuming here you are still into her) That's it. No talk of reconciliation or your previous relationship or how much you missed them or giving yourselves another chance.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 05:22 PM
3

My ex wife wanted out of the marriage. I asked her to leave the marital home and she did. Kids stayed with me in the family home. The spouse who wants to leave should be the one to go, the only exception being if there is abuse. But what is right and what the law allows for are two completely different things.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 05:17 PM
8

1 week. Agreed on everything, filed ourselves. Was shocked how quickly it went. 22 years and 2 kids, the lives of 4 people erased in 7 days. It was wild.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 05:15 PM
4

If you are happy being a free therapist and a fuck buddy only this is the gig for you. Just don't kid yourself it is ever going to becime a healthy relationship. Be as pushy as you want he isn't going anywhere. Grab his hand and put it it on your crotch ... he'll get the message.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/25 11:54 PM
-6

I would have burst out laughing at the whole thing haha. Now you have a great story to tell. Serves you right for acting like a woman - yelling and screaming is very feminine behavior. You acted like a bitch, and then you got bitch slapped by a bitch. Fucking fantastic man. Have a good laugh at yourself and don't take life so seriously. Next time a woman tries to engage in a yelling match keep control of your emotions. If a woman is unable to get a rise out of you then you have completely disarm…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/25 11:47 PM
16

I never knew what women thought or how they loved. Just assumed they felt the same way as us guys. Now I know they are wired completely differently, and relationships are so much easier knowing exactly what they are thinking and feeling.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 07:31 PM
-8

Not the woman's job to uplift or help a man. A man uplifts himself and also lifts all of those around him, including his romantic partner. He is a rock and requires no external validation. A romantic partner is the cherry on top of an already blessed life, not the center of that life nor a crutch for a man to lean on.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 07:26 PM
3

Don't waste your time and money on apps. Plenty of cuties in the real world to hookup with. If she's hot and she gives you choosing signals ask her out and go have fun.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 11:52 PM
13

Oh yeah we did it ourselves and I got the same deal but also our fully paid for house. Thank you affair fog. Was still devastated at the time because I loved that woman but 3 years on life is now fucking amazing.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 10:01 PM
15

100% your problem. If you can't control your feelings that's on you. Completely out of line to ask her to change clothing because you still have "feelings" for her. Have some self respect, learn to control yourself, and be happy for the extra time with your daughter. You can't keep running to your lawyer every time you get your feelings hurt.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 09:57 PM
0

No point whatsoever. Marriage is an institution created to raise children, but weak/co-dependant men use it to lock down a partner instead.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 10:07 PM
6

If you already have kids then dont get married again. If a woman is attracted to you she will bend over backwards to help you. It's your job to make sure she doesn't lose that attraction. Once that is gone she won't help you at all and resent you for not being the man she thought you were. Stick to FWB or LAT only. Congrats on being free!
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 10:04 PM
1

3 years is the answer. By then you will be enjoying your freedom and won't settle for scraps like you did the first time around. Stick to FWB or LAT if you want a great life.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 10:00 PM
8

She has lost all attraction for the guy. She is not divorcing him over the food. The fact he won't eat what she makes and is too lazy to help out / prep his own meals is just a continuation of a broader pattern of a man child/pussy. He is just one more child in the household she has to take care of when she thought she was marrying a man. No defending this weak behavior. No woman on earth is going to find that attractive.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 09:53 PM
1

You can't complain. You're both married and are both cheating on each other. You both have no standards for yourselves and will reap the results. Sorry to be harsh but you have lost. A man without self respect, a purpose, and integrity is never going to be a winner.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/25 06:08 PM
2

Guys who get involved with another man's wife/girlfriend are complete pieces of shit. Back in the day these little bitches would be given a good old fashioned beat down. Way way back in the day they would be put to death. Unfortunately modern society has become weak so this destructive behavior has been allowed to thrive. Evil triumphs when good men do nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/25 05:58 PM
11

Box them up and put them in the garage in case the kiddos want to look at them one day.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 11:42 PM
3

I never settle for the slow burn. If a woman doesn't knock my socks off I will still have fun with her but keep dating around. Once you have experienced that "love at first sight" there is no going back. It's quite rare you get love at first sight on both sides....maybe a few times a decade.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 08:28 PM
10

It's that women no longer need men for either physical protection or for financial security. If it is not a biblical marriage then there is no reason for a woman to stay married to a man she no longer finds attractive. Most modern men are very feminine which leads to dead bedroom and the wife wanting to find masculine dick outside of the marriage. No polarity, no pussy, and that is the end of the romantic relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 08:21 PM
3

Yes you would be a fool to leave her. Your priority should always be yourself, never your romantic partner. So keep seeing and enjoying your friends. Your wife says she wants you to have less time with your friends but as soon as you capitulate to that demand her attraction level will plummet for you. The reason she is down for sex all the time is precisely because she knows you don't need her and she has competition. It's the guys who make their wives their priority and reason for getting up ev…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 08:32 PM
1

Separation is just a soft divorce because she isn't ready to deal with it yet but wants her freedom now. Make no mistake it is over and she is involved with a new guy in case you haven't figured that part out yet. You are business partners now, nothing more. Your business is raising your child together. Would you hug a business partner or make them lunch? No. Yes to doing your share of the housework as that falls under taking care of your part of the business. It is confusing because you are loo…
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/25 10:28 PM
10

You never forgave, yourself or her. That is why you are stuck. It is very simple, but takes work. Not a good idea to date until you have healed. Give yourself a season to be single and to figure your shit out or you are in for a long bitter life.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/25 10:12 PM
3

You will need a social circle. Ideally you would have built and maintained that separate from your wife from the beginning, but us guys like to get lazy and make our wives our social circle. Don't make this mistake again in future relationships. Now you will need to put in the work and make new connections or revive old connections. Do not isolate. You need people to talk to. You don't get through it quicker or not think about it. You do the opposite and lean on your circle when you need to. 21 …
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/25 10:06 PM
2

I just hit it in the real world. I want to know if I want to jump those bones before I waste anytime texting/dating.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 01:00 AM
4

Married because I was super young, loved her, and wanted to be with her for the rest of my life. Would have worked too if we never grew as people 😂 You get older, you grow, you want to see what else is out there, you realize you will always have a relationship because of the kids you have together but there is no reason it has to stay a romantic relationship. Having your cake and eating it too is entirely possible.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 12:56 AM
5

You signed a lifelong contract to a sub par woman (you're not alone most of us chose horribly) are are now being allowed to get out of that contract for a small sum compared to what you would have spent on her for the next 40 years. Pay her to walk away and be happy. You just won the lottery mate. Don't believe me? Look at all your fellow men still trapped in miserable marriages. That could have been you!
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 12:46 AM
3

No I have boundaries.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 01:24 AM
8

It wasnt just an emotional affair ...I hope you didn't fall for that bs. Sounds like it is still on or she has a new guy inside of her. She wants you gone ASAP. Definitely go the amicable route and keep lawyers out of it. Obviously she will also have to pay you alimony since she is the breadwinner. While she is new cock drunk you should be able to pretty much ask for whatever you want and get it. My ex in that situation ended up giving me the entire house which was paid for, no alimony, no child…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 11:08 PM
10

Most likely: 50/50 custody You paying child support You paying alimony House will be sold. You will split the appreciation but you don't get the value of the land. You'll be in an apartment in the beginning living on a tight budget. Her dad will take of her. Life will suck for the first year. Life will be awesome by year 3.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 10:56 PM
3

Nothing more pathetic than a man with a cold. Suck that shit up and carry on.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 10:48 PM
-19

Why didn't you validate your wife and take her out? Too late now but if you want to keep a partner as the guy it is your job to keep dating them forever more ...it does not stop once you get married. Up to you to decide if the juice is worth that squeeze (other than for kids I would say a big hell no personally). As for the hurt there are a few milestones. When she dates, when she gets engaged, when she remarries, and finally when she has kids with the new guy. All of those will sting a bit....t…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/25 08:34 PM
-5

Therapists are neutral. They don't think men or women are bad. They do not judge. Their job is to facilitate communication between you and your spouse, that's it. It isn't to keep you together or split you up. It will definitely help with your communication skills with your partner. Even if you end up splitting if you have kids those skills will be key. Even if you don't have kids (in which case why the fuck you got married is beyond me) it will still give you some self reflection skills so you …
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/25 08:26 PM
2

Oh boy is this woman living rent free in your head my man, big time. She broke no laws, she is not Hitler. You feel betrayed, so tell your feelings to fuck off, they are keeping you imprisoned. Remember you were the one who asked her to marry you, not the other way around. You made a bad choice, this one is on you. Radical acceptance or you are doomed for a life of bitterness.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 10:55 PM
24

Easy solve. You mail in your return claiming the child you are supposed to claim for 2024 (it will get rejected electronically as your ex already claimed the child). The IRS will then mail both you and your ex a letter asking for proof you are eligible to claim the child. You mail in a copy of the divorce decree showing it is your turn for 2024 for that child. Your ex has no proof to send. IRS will look at what you both send by the deadline and determine who gets to claim the child (you). You wi…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 10:42 PM
2

Get individual counselling. Most are online these days. These do cost $$. Join a local or online divorce recovery group. These are free. Steer clear of the male only groups. Join your local gym. You need to build a support network and the other guys at your gym will be instant family.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 07:10 PM
1

First off do not make any life changing decisions right now. You are emotionally unstable. You will make a bad choice. You are putting your happiness on your marriage and your wife. You rely on her for validation. That is not her job at all. You don't use a relationship to give you happiness. You bring your happiness and love to the relationship. My advice go to individual counselling, do not quit it, and figure out why you don't like yourself. Women are attracted to masculinity and confidence. …
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 07:06 PM
4

My son found out information about his mother's sex life that made him attempt to take his own life. He survived and healed and is in a much better spot today. He does not have a relationship with his mother though, he cut her out of his life. My advice to you is to keep your private life private. Your kids need a father, who you like to fuck is none of their business, keep that to yourself. Be happy you were blessed with a smart wife. Listen to this woman.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 06:51 PM
1

43? Normal test at 43 per reference range is still very low. If you are below 800 you and your dick will definitely benefit from trt. Estrogen is the big driver of libido and erection quality and sensation so make sure to get your sensitive E2 levels checked on your bloods. You want to be at top of the reference range for both test and e2 for your dick to work like it did when you were 20.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 07:40 PM
3

You're going to be just fine. The first year is the hardest by far. Your ex was toxic so that is why you feel like you can breathe without her in your new home. Congrats! You probably added a good 15 years to your life by ending things with her ...stress is a big killer. Enjoy leveling up. Just a warning sometimes loneliness can cause you to invite other toxic people into your life (that is who you will attract until you are healed). Use this season of singleness for yourself and your kids. You …
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 06:38 PM
6

Your wife got bored. Most marriages only last 5-7 years so you guys had a really good run. It is not 20 years down the drain, you became a stagnant couple and now you both get to go have fun with new partners. It would have been 20 years down the drain staying in this dead end relationship. I know it stings now because your easy and predictable life has been upended but you don't grow having an easy and predictable life. Congrats on this next chapter my man. You have your kids, and now have your…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 12:36 AM
-6

I would seek counselling together. Figure out what she is going to need for her to be able to trust you (lots of questions about that one night stand, why you kept it a secret etc, what else have you lied about, not password protecting your phone going forward, letting her check your emails etc). THEN once what she needs to feel safe is out on the table YOU decide if that is something you want to live with. If so you both put in the work and build something new together (it will take a few years…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 02:44 PM
16

I don't say a word. I cut my ex wife out of my life and move on and thank my lucky stars I no longer have to have that woman or the drama she brings in my life. God will take care of the rest, not every battle belongs to you.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 02:37 PM
3

Did you tell your current wife you committed adultery in your previous marriage prior to getting married to her? If you hid that and weren't upfront about it while you were dating (and it sounds like this is the case) then what do you expect? FYI most women aren't going to want to partner with a guy who commits adultery. You can call it nonsense all you want but it is what it is. Most women put a high value on monogamy. You don't have to like it but you do have to accept that is the way most of …
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 02:26 PM
7

Google the alimony calculator for your state and plug in the numbers. Do yourself a favor and let go of being a male feminist. Men and women are not equal by any stretch, each have their strength and weaknesses and are not equal at much at all. You are going to learn that the hard way over the next 12 months.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 02:13 PM
15

There will be a couple of big hurdles that hurt like hell. When your ex starts dating, when you actually get divorced, when your ex gets remarried, when your ex has children with someone else. Thats 4 phases of big pain that cause 4 phases of really good personal growth (you cannot grow or change without pain). Doesn't seem like it now but the universe is giving you the gift of growth. You either embrace it or you run away from it and distract yourself with women, alcohol and drugs. If you go th…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 01:59 PM
7

Went through the same thing. Married young. Kept our fully paid for house, retirement, no alimony, no child support, son is with me full time, daughter 5 days out of the week. Still in the beginning it feels like you have lost a limb. Those first 2 years are brutal despite the great divorce outcome. The issue with highschool sweethearts is those romantic relationships never last. Both of you change so much over the years you simply aren't compatible anymore once you mature. You stay together for…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 06:07 PM
11

Congratulations on your child! When you get divorced in 5-7 years you are set my man. Just make sure to build out your social circle separate from your wife so you aren't left rebuilding from scratch yet again. And keep up on your physical development....it trumps status, career and money every time.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 05:55 PM
11

Separate vacations are key.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 10:58 PM
4

Find a roommate until you figure out where you want to stay longer term. You pay child support when kids are in college in most states FYI.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/25 06:20 PM
11

You lose your sense of self when you get married and put your wife first. It will take a good few years to find who you are again, find out what you enjoy, and feel comfortable in your own skin. Dating will slow it down as the external validation from females will stop you from progressing as a man (throws you back to when you put your wife first and undoes a lot of work you have done on yourself). My advice either make a clean break and embrace this season of singleness or just commit long term…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/25 02:29 PM
10

These are not men. They are boys. They never matured emotionally. I'd say the vast majority of that is due to having no real father figure or male mentor growing up to teach them values, the bro code, and how to value yourself. These boys lack the ability to self validate or control themselves or their emotions. It is the same with guys who are unable to be single for any length of time. They need constant external validation becuase they dislike themselves so much they are unable to validate th…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/25 06:20 PM
3

You gave up the right to put yourself first when you became a father. Stay with your daughter. When she is grown and off to college then it is you time again.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/25 01:58 AM
3

Not a good place to be. You know you've been a good dad, you don't need validation of a gift. Unless you haven't...
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/25 12:13 AM
13

My daughter wouldn't commit adultery because I have taught her better. But I will also be advising her to get married and have kids young, make sure the father has $$$, and don't hesitate to divorce if she falls out of love. My advice to my son is do not get married.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 07:54 PM
7

You'll adjust if you put in the work. Sounds like you never had a good relationship with yourself and are not developed spiritually. I'd recommend taking a season of singleness and learn to love being alone. Having to rely on a woman for vlaidation is a really bad place for a man to be.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 02:00 PM
9

You don't have an income problem, you have a spending problem. Cut back on all the xtras (son can go to public school for free). Negotiate with your debt holders for a freeze on interest if possible. First priority will be securing housing for you and your son, then food and utlilities. If you can't swing that on $140k per year I don't know what to tell you, I could swing that on $30k per year.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 02:05 PM
17

Being a single dad with your life together is utopia. Just don't go messing it up by committing to a woman.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 08:29 PM
3

You cant move forward while looking back. Move to indifference, not love. Take the love you had for her and give it to yourself. It's a hard reality but she no longer loves or cares about you. Do yourself and your son a favor and get 50/50 parenting time in writing.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 08:25 PM
4

Learning to self validate rather than outsourcing that to others is key.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 08:22 PM
11

Congrats. Kind of scary to finally be able to wander out of your cage with no zoo keeper in sight, but you'll get that hang of it. Onward and upward.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 08:20 PM
27

Women go cold because they FEEL their needs have been ignored by their partner for many years. This breeds resentment. Once that resentment crosses a certain threshold is when they decide they will divorce. This will be 18-24 months prior to announcing they want a divorce. Men and women are wired completely differently. Men think if they work hard at a job, pay the bills, do the yardwork, help out with the kids and household chores that their wives will be happy. Women don't care about any of th…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 07:43 PM
8

You need more income. On days you don't have your kids work door dash/uber eats starting today. Should give you an extra $2k every month. Meanwhile look for a full time job with good benefits and move the fitness coach gig to a side hustle once you start. You are starting from scratch again so you need to hustle.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 08:02 PM
19

Same thing happened to tens of thousands of guys after Xmas. It is that time of year when unhappy wives drop the bomb. One last Xmas together as a family. She got bored with being coddled and put on a pedestal. She has an exciting new guy in her life who leads and doesn't say yes to everything she asks for. You feel like you did everyhting right but you in fact did everything wrong to keep her attraction. Don't ask your GF/spouse to work out with you. You go to the gym 5-6 days per week, get jac…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 02:26 PM
10

Mate put the alcohol away. Your wife is not the reason you are overweight. Go read Can't Hurt Me by David Goggins and make steps to get your life back on track. Once you do never ever let a female derail you.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 02:11 PM
5

My advice to my daughter is to marry and have kids young. Pick a guy who has $$$. Divorce when the kids are grown and then go have fun with a man you love. My son already figured out on his own never to get married and never commit to a woman. Smart little fucker he is.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/25 10:18 PM
10

Just politely ask her to keep all communiciation to logisitics about kids and nothing else. She is a woman so she will test those boundaries. She wants to see how weak you are. Do not respond to anything other than questions about logistics with the kids. One final test will be the hissy fit after you grey rock her for a period of time. Do not respond. After that she will back off and realize you have changed and are no longer the simp she was married to all of those years. If you do cave she wi…
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/25 02:27 PM
7

The rebound is tricky. You think you have found "the one" the first time out (spolier alert she isn't). You feel like slipping straight back into the hubby role....its is so familiar and safe. No change, growth, reflection or hard work required on your part whatsoever. It feels amazing. You get to replay your marriage all over again just with a different person. If she is fresh out of divorce too she will be doing the same with you. Those rose colored glasses are fucking amazing my man. The brea…
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/25 02:17 PM
3

No. These are all problems caused by you not leading and not setting boundaries with your wife. Do not play the victim. You don't get to welch on your vows because you have been an ineffective leader for your family. She may be a sub-par wife, but you are the one who let it all happen. Learn how to lead your wife and notice the changes in her. Or blame everyone else for your problems and divorce her and watch the same thing happen with your next partner.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 07:08 PM
5

You won't have to fight for custody, you'll get 50/50 unless you live in one of the few backward states. It is brutal seeing someone you love reject you and move on with another guy. But this is a right of passage into becoming a man. It teaches us to not put another person on a pedestal and ahead of ourselves. Do not plan a life around anybody else....build an awesome life for yourself and your child and invite a woman to share a part of it if she is deserving. Modern society has taught us wome…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 07:04 PM
7

You will want to get yourself on TRT at your age and hit the gym. Get your diet and sleep in check. You will want to hire a coach to show you how to train and diet. Get jacked and get yourself an 8 pack. Women don't care about money (especially at this age). They either have their own career or are getting a nice paycheck from their ex. Women LOVE a challenge and want a guy who other women will be lusting after - that means in really good physical shape. Nothing else matters no matter what they …
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 03:15 PM
2

You have to take that rearview mirror, tear it out and throw it away. Never, ever look back. And that goes for any other exes that will pop up once you are single. Start a new life, but the person who loves you should be yourself. You do not GET love or FIND love in a realtionship, you bring your LOVE to the relationship. They don't teach you that the first time around.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 02:45 PM
8

3 years on and I am LOVING living alone. The first 18 months I was a wreck, the next 18 months I started getting involved with women (they are the cure for loneliness right??....oh boy fuck I was clueless lol). Now I love my peaceful home. I love myself and I love my life. Last night I did all my grocery shopping after a hard days work and cardio, shot the shit with my son, got my paycheck from the mail with my nice raise - I get to spend ALL of it on just me and my kids, made myself some awesom…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 02:38 PM
8

It's a new guy. Most women act on emotion rather than logic or reason so you can forget about them vetting or waiting an appropriate period of time before bringing new men around your kids. There are some quality women who put the kids first but they are few are far between. You will just have to accept the chaos that is moms world. Run a background on the new guy yourself and take appropriate action if something comes up.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 12:55 AM
6

I make much less but with the dead weight gone I am saving more than ever. Her credit card bills were $5-$6k per month. I'm guessing your wife cost your more than $400 per month so you are still ahead. Hell your ahead just for the fact she is out of your life.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 08:21 PM
10

I've never met him. Still debating whether to break his jaw the day I see him or let it slide. I have no anger towards him at all, I would just love to cause my ex-wife some emotional pain. Slowly getting over that desire but I definitely will never shake the hand of or have a man around me that gets involved with a married woman. Not sad or jealous, just a complete lack of respect. In the very beginning I did feel threatened as a dad but quickly realized my daughter was never going to like him …
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 02:58 PM
11

Your life isn't falling apart, it's falling into place. Dead weight has been dropped. Time to suck that shit up and go live your life.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 02:38 PM
–

You'll need to have a trusted family member help out or hire someone you trust to help with the kiddos in the mornings you have them. Other option is to change your work schedule or change jobs if they won't be flexible with you. Totally doable.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 02:38 PM
2

You were 50/50 to blame for the end of your marriage. Doesn't make you a bad person, you just had things you needed to learn. My advice steer clear of your STBXW and well as any other ex. Your job is to move forward and upward, not backwards. If you keep communicating and getting involved with the ex from way back you are not going to learn and keep replaying the same failed romantic relationships over and over.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 02:35 PM
5

Dead bedroom means she has been checked out of the romantic relationship for many years. She is glad she no longer has to put on the act you two are a couple. That is why she is so happy. She is free. Cohabitating is a terrible idea. Get your own place ASAP, even if that means sleeping in your car and showering at your gym.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/25 09:47 PM
1

Fall in love again. Get your heart broken. Break other peoples hearts. Grow from it, and fall in love again. Live your life my man. Just don't be stupid and get married again UNLESS you are not a father yet. In that case fall in love, get married, have your kids ASAP, get your heart broken in 5-7 years, and then move on to a life of freedom and fulfillment. You have to accept romantic relationships are not forever. You have to accept they will hurt when they end whether your are the dumper or du…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 06:25 PM
8

Congrats mate. You only have one direction to go.....up. Lay out a plan to earn more money (working overtime, working for a promotion, starting a side hustle/gig). You have 50% off from parenting so plenty of time to improve your financial situation. Join your local gym. Get jacked AF and make friends/grilfriends. When you do have your child focus 100% on them. You have the life most married men would kill for. Being a single father is utopia. Once you get over your ex you will realize that. You…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 06:14 PM
1

The answer is always the same. Join your local gym, pick heavy shit up, put it down, repeat. In the beginning you might have to go twice a day. Go no contact for a few years and keep the focus on yourself and your journey. Tell the people in your life you need space and you are going to be off the grid for a season.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 06:09 PM
11

God will also remove people from your life when they hold back your relationship with him. God comes first, wives always second. Maybe one day your wife will find God and you two will reconcile. We never know his plans for us. Meanwhile enjoy your kids and your new life. Congrats on levelling up.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 08:21 PM
9

My ex cheated. In the beginning the AP was a convenient scape goat. Much is easier to blame some guy for swooping in and convincing my perfectly innocent wife to leave her aweseome husband. He corrupted her and destroyed our happy realtionship. No reflection or accountability required on my part. LOL. Yeah no. That is not reality. Women don't cheat when they are happy and in love with their husbands, period. When women cheat the romantic relationship is well and truly over, and has been for a ve…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 03:02 PM
27

Being married is like being a caged lion in a zoo. I see it every day now and it makes me cringe. Men following their wives around like lost puppy dogs at the grocery store. When they divorce us that cage door is swung open. We are all scared in the beginning and unsure whether to leave the cage and head into the wild to fulfill our potential, or to look around for another zoo keeper and beg them to relock the door. I thank my ex every day for giving me freedom. I get to parent how I want, I hav…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 02:46 PM
7

Took about 18 months. Finally started to date again. Not going to lie that first piece of quality ass really helps you forget about an ex.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 11:04 PM
4

If you are comparing you are not ready to date yet. Spoil yourself for a few years and stay single for a season. Get jacked AF. Hookup, but don't give away your time, energy and attention just yet. I really hope you don't find another woman like her mate. She sounds like a nightmare. I didn't think I would find anyone as good as my ex. Every woman I have been with has been a way better experience. Different, but better. Every relationship is unique.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 11:00 PM
13

School swaps for the win. You drop them off in the morning, she picks them up in the afternoon.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 10:53 PM
4

I'll be kind, you have some major things to work on as a man. You sound like a woman in limerance. My advice take this season and work on yourself. Marriage is not about feeling butterflies or feeling "in love". It is a commitment two adults make to each other to provide a stable environment to raise their children. You wake up everyday and make a concious decision to love your spouse. Ask yourself what can you do today to make her life easier. If you were to welch on your commitment and try and…
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 02:44 PM
35

Who cares? Worrying about your ex is like worrying about a rental car after you return it. I've got a life of my own to focus on now, and happily the ex is not any part of it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 10:59 PM
1

No automatic 50/50 in Australia mate like we enjoy here in the USA. Do NOT leave your house. Your solicitor will tell you what to do. You will need one in Australia.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 02:52 PM
6

If your state is default 50/50 (most are in the USA) just go to court. The judge will rule 50/50.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 02:47 PM
2

Costs about $300. You walk down to your county courthouse and ask the clerk how to file for divorce. They will walk you through every step. Super easy, I'd put it on the same level as doing your own taxes. You file, you serve your spouse, in about 2 weeks you are divorced if it is uncontested. You never have to set foot inside the court room or even see a judge.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 02:44 PM
26

I get hit on by married women all the time. At work and at my gym (2nd work). Even if your wife is not asking for a divorce there is a good chance she has one or more on the side. But the remedy is very easy, never get involved with a woman who is not equally yoked. We men choose who to marry, if you ignore the red flags and choose a harlot that is on you.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 02:37 PM
3

What vows did you make when you married? Depending on what they were you may have to decide if you can live with not honoring them. A man without honor is a sorry sight indeed.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 07:52 PM
35

Yes I fell for the SAHM bullshit. If you are married make sure your partner is working full time. Bored women with no goals in life stray.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 07:47 PM
8

My ex waived alimony (thank you affair fog!). While it would suck I could justify that she gave me the two best things in my life. How guys pay whose wives didn't even give them kids I have no clue.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 11:08 PM
5

Becoming completely self reliant is freedom. I've had flings since divorce but would never cohabitate and lose my freedom, peace, and space again. Made the decision this year to give up all romantic relationships until my youngest is grown and out of the house.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 11:04 PM
8

You join your local gym and get jacked AF. Cures all and gives you a leg up in every part of your life.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 05:48 PM
1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvd6rHdJD40
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 05:45 PM
3

Never ever give up your parenting time, especially with your daughter. She will be your ride or die. You need to get your own home and keep 50/50. Make 2025 a year where you level up as a Dad so your daughter feels safe coming to you. Be present, have fun, take her out on dates, and when she goes back to mom enjoy your time off and go have fun for yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 05:41 PM
5

Your parenting and work schedules suck. Change to 50/50, one week on, one week off. Get yourself a Mon-Fri job. This way you have 50% time on as a dad, and 50% time for you, The perfect life. You need every other weekend completely free so you can hookup, travel etc. You are a great dad, you just resent your child because your schedule is awful. Fix the schedule.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 05:37 PM
-2

You sound like a perfect candidate for an open marriage. Your wife clearly never desired you sexually so she would probably welcome not having to put out once a month to you anymore. Stay friends and roommates, enjoy the kids, and each of you have partners on the side.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 05:33 PM
13

48M. Married for 22 years. Divorced for 3. Big introvert. Not a fantasy at all. I will never ever cohibitate again. Single dad life is pure bliss. I still have fun with women but clearly communicate to them I will not be committing. When I need to knuckle down and focus on my life I cut the women off. Being free, not having to make compromises in any way, spending/investing my hard earned $$$ on just myself and my kids, parenting how I want, it is utopia. Get yourself on TRT and relive your 20s …
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 05:27 PM
5

Time to define your core values as a man and learn to set boundaries. If you had a son in this situation what would your advice be to him? Yes, you need to parent yourself. You know this situation is toxic AF.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 05:18 PM
1

A few things. Firstly there is nothing you can do to convince a woman to love you. It has to be their decision. Pleading, begging, playing games, flowers etc all do nothing (these actually are worse than nothing they repulse her even more). What you do is go no contact and move on with your life. This way you keep your self respect. If she wants a second chance with you she will get into contact with you. Secondly you have to be honest with yourself. You two were a dumpster fire together. You bo…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 08:49 PM
3

Congrats mate! Nothing better than a daughter if you are a guy. You two are going to be best buds and have so much fun throughout the coming decades.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 08:33 PM
6

Older guy here too and fellow recovering co-dependent mess. Hopped on gear and hit the gym. 3 years in, training for my pro card for mens physique. Takes a good amount of time and keeps me busy when not training (meal prep, cardio, planning cycles, planning days around meals etc). Life on easy mode as far as hookups and making female friends goes. Highly recommend now that you are older and have your kids out of the way. If you are living alone definitely get yourself a cute dog. Nothing beats a…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 08:31 PM
-5

Definitely find a woman to have kids with if you can. Even if this means marrying again for 7 years it is totally worth it. If you can manage to find a woman who will give you kids without marriage then jump all over it ASAP - just make sure to get a a parenting agreement in writing beforehand. Other than that there is nothing a woman can offer you that you cannot provide yourself. The financial burden and loss of freedom and having to compromise on everything means the juice just isn't worth th…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 03:03 PM
11

You'll find plenty of just as good connections, and better. This woman sounds like a nightmare and a total drain on your time and energy. Big red flag is you saying she brought out the best version of you. This is why you are considering keeping this dumpster fire of a woman in your life....you need her for validation and motivation to improve yourself. Learn to validate and motivate yourself and you won't become attached to these toxic individuals.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 08:27 PM
3

Women put themselves first so do not expect her to make good decisions based on what's best for your kiddos. There are exceptions but those women are few and far between and you'd still be married if she was one of them. I understand about you feeling threatened. That is natural for a man. Here is what I did and it worked for me: 1) Always, and I mean always, do a background check on any new guy who is around your children. Your just need his name and date of birth. If all you have is his name a…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 05:29 PM
2

Some guys get released from Shawshank and will do anything to go straight back in. You want to court when you are BOTH on top of your game otherwise it is going to end badly. Leave dating for the broken men seeking validation from outside of themselves. If not we will see you back here in 5-7 for divorce number 2.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 04:48 PM
4

Read the BIble. Even if you aren't religious at all it is a collection of wisdom and a blueprint for a happy life, especially when it comes to relationships with women.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 04:41 PM
2

Kids do not want a step parent, step siblings or half siblings. Do not even think about what you are thinking about doing.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 11:41 PM
7

"How do you live with someone who doesn’t want to be with you anymore?" You don't, you go your seperate ways and rebuild an amazing life for yourself. Do not get cucked into hanging around your ex hoping she will change her mind. She wants to go have her fun with the new guy (and yes there is a new guy that is currently giving her butterflies) while you provide free daycare and pay the bills. Yes it will be hard, yes you may need to work multiple jobs, yes you will need to organize care for your…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 02:20 PM
3

You definitely should not be dating right now. You have to learn how to self validate. Just remember a relationship does not provide happiness, happiness is something you bring to the relationship. Same goes for love, you bring love, you cannot get it from a partner. If you do not love yourself and cannot enjoy your own company it will set you back in life in a big way. I see no mention of gym. That is mandatory for a man. Talk therapy can help, but iron therapy is a must. Man was created for ph…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 02:13 PM
3

Women will say they won't date a guy until he has been divorced for at least a year. But what women say and what they actually do are two completely different things. If a guy gives them butterflies she is all in, those fantasy boundaries in her head are nowhere to be found.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 02:07 PM
10

Wife playing the poly card. Dealt with that. She is not poly, she wants to fuck other men and have you to pay the bills. Cuckoldry is what it is, not polyamory. People who play this card are toxic. Cut them out of your life as much as possible. No communication with your ex other than logistics for your child. Gym is mandatory (should be for all men regardless of heartbreak). Do not skip. At your age get on TRT. This is the outlet for your anger. No alcohol, drugs or women until you have healed …
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 06:29 PM
13

Been divorced for 3 years. I am friendly with my co-parent. We are awesome co-parents. Amicable, respectful and flexible. But not friends. She is mess of a human and I do not want her in my life in anyway. I will do the co-parenting thing until our youngest is 18 then I'll be cutting all communication. I have compassion for her but not desire to invite this toxic person into my life.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 06:21 PM
10

1: Staying single. 49M. I have my kids. I have had plenty of sex. I have had plenty of sex since the divorce with FWBs. I have had romantic relationships since the divorce. None, not even the FWBs, are worth my loss of time and energy. 2: Adding another 10lb stage weight to my physique this year. Women kind of derailed me a bit in 2024 and cost me a few pounds. With them out of the picture I can be 100% focused on that including doing some good "supplements" I respond to that may cause a bit of …
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 03:03 PM
9

Whoever wants out of the marriage should be the one to leave the marital home (barring abuse). That is the right thing to do.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 11:50 PM
-8

I would have a conversation with your co-parent and see what plans she will have in place so this doesn't happen again. No need to do anything else if she has it covered. If she has no plans to change anything and continues to put your child in danger go to your county court and file an emergency protection order.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 07:52 PM
9

This is what happens when you idolize your partner. Her being the reason you wake up everyday is precisely what killed her attraction for you. And now without her you are left with nothing because you gave up yourself for another person. You were never present nor your authentic self in the marriage. The point of marriage is to support each other while you chase your purpose. Your partner is not your purpose. You did not love yourself or her, you loved the feeling she gave you. Very manipulative…
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 03:43 PM
9

Being a good dad has nothing to do with being happy for your ex. Your goal is to reach indifference toward her, not be happy or sad for her.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 01:19 AM
3

Not unhealthy to be alone at all. In fact sitting in your feelings and working through them is precisely what you need to do in order to heal and progress in life. This is the time you need to learn to set boundaries, and that includes with your family. Communicate to them that you are going through a difficult time and that you need space. Get yourself a gym membership. You will need it to get the anger out in a positive way. Get yourself a Bible and invite the big guy into your life. Not every…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 03:54 AM
7

"How do people keep their sanity ?" You move out. Why on earth would you continue to live in the same home and watch your wife with other men? Have some self respect.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 03:50 AM
25

Learn to set boundaries with women. Women love being told no.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/24 04:37 AM
5

"Am I being stupid and rash?" You know you are. My advice is to move out and rebuild a life for yourself. You will need 2-3 years alone to build and to grow. Then and only then invite a quality woman into you and your childrens' lives. That season alone is so critical to your future life success. Ignore what you know to be true inside and you will repeat this relationship many times over just with different people. Those feelings of doubt and that something is not right are there for a reason.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 03:55 PM
3

It IS supposed to crush your soul. That is why God hates divorce because of what it does to people. You will heal though. A good rule of thumb is give it 3 months for every year you were together for the pain to go from level 10 to level 2-3. Just know what you are feeling is completely normal. There is no quick fix. Do not turn to alcohol, drugs or women to mask the pain. Do not stop praying or working on your relationship with God. When the time comes follow what God says when choosing a new s…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 03:47 PM
1

Don't need an inexperienced kid who refers himself as alpha to help with, well anything lol. I appreciate the hustle, but you are misguided my man.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 08:31 PM
4

I had no criteria. I married the first girl I fell in love with. Together for 22 years. Not going to lie it was awesome up until the very end. I got lucky.....the average marriage only lasts 8 years. There were a ton of red flags on both sides, but when you are young you don't have any life experience to be able to recognize those. I do not regret it but I have learned what makes a marriage last long term so I have plenty of advice for my kids. Marry someone who is equally yoked. There will be s…
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 04:26 PM
1

We play it be ear every year. As the kiddos get older their preferences change. And as the years go by our own situations in life change as well. About a month out we ask what each others plans are, come up with an arrangement that fits everyone, and do it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 04:16 PM
1

My advice take your wife out to lunch and have a heart to heart talk if you truly want to lead with love and compassion. Hiring a lawyer should be a last resort, it is very hard to come back from, but not impossible. Lawyers will destroy any hope at a solid co-parenting relationship for at least a few years. And everytime one of you goes back to court that clock starts over again unfortunately. At that lunch communicate like adults. Negotiate like adults. If you both leave negotiations unhappy y…
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 04:10 PM
4

When you choose a partner who shares your same values, beliefs, and you are both attracted to each other it is bliss. That is how you enjoy marriage. It is not rocket science but most people who get married wouldn't have the first clue what their partners values and beliefs are, and if they do they ignore the red flags and incompatibilities. They put their partner above everything else or think that they can change them.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 04:18 PM
-7

You are spending way too much mental energy on your ex. When your mom starts to talk about your ex tell her politely that you would prefer not to hear about it now or in the future. Set boundaries and standards for yourself my man. It does come off as weak and pathetic but not by her. Be happy your kids' mother is happy.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 04:13 PM
3

Your sons are old enough that they get to make the decision on where they want to live. Their decisions may change over time and that is ok. Your job is to be flexible and to be there for them. If they choose to go with mom then support them. You could push it with the 14 yo but why? He is just going to go where he wants at that age and the court cannot enforce the order. It will only lead to resentment toward you. My advice is to focus on why you are toxic and improve yourself rather than fight…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 04:07 PM
-2

It's not about your job or being with the kiddo more. She is unhappy in the marriage. How often do your organize child care and take her out for date night just the two of you? (Weekly is the correct answer) How often do you organize a romantic weekend away just the two of you? (Every 2-3 months is the correct answer) She wants alone time with her man. Lots of sex, time to connect, feeling sexually desired, feeling like a teenager again. She is resentful she does not have that in her life so wil…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/24 09:44 PM
10

Don't go to a party she will be at until you are healed and have let go of her. Your kids will be fine if you miss some minor events for the next 12 months.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/24 12:52 AM
5

Never ever co-habitate. It will set back your healing and destroy your co-parent relationship. If you have to then live in your car and shower at your gym at first. No shame in that. Make getting your own place a priority and save for it. Having said that the spouse that wants out should always be the one to leave the marital home my man. Ask her to leave. Get care for your kids when you are at work. And drop the tracking/stalking nonsense. Man up. She no longer loves you and does not want to be…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 01:44 PM
3

Unless you have a complex financial situation (own multiple businesses that need to be sold etc) then you can do all of the paperwork yourself and just pay the filing fees. Your county clark will walk you through everything. A lawyer will not benefit you in anyway unless you earn more per hour than your lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 01:38 PM
1

My ex moved in with her affair partner quickly after I asked her to leave. She did not take our daughter for the first 4 months, too busy doing drugs and her new guy. She would stop by and visit our kids for 30 mins or so daily. Our adult son doesn't have much of a relationship with her at all now. After those 4 months she took our daughter for two nights per week. A year later 3 nights. Finally 3 years later we are 50/50. She is still with the affair partner. He is a non issue I haven't even me…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 10:54 PM
1

She will ask on the first date. If she is a quality woman there will not be a second date.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 10:40 PM
0

Was there adultery, abandonment or abuse? If not you need to man up and honor your vows.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 10:38 PM
4

She is the man in the relationship. Women resent men who do not lead, that is why she treats you like trash instead of her king. You need to get comfortable with telling her no. You failed her very first test when she asked you not to hang out with your gay friend. Things could only go downhill from there. Doesn't sound like you need to give up on the marriage. You just need to start leading your family and to set and maintain boundaries. Women do not want to lead their man, they want to follow …
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 06:07 PM
10

Found my FWB on a cuddle website. "Not looking for more than cuddles" on her bio. Whatever 😂
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 07:42 PM
3

I guarantee she will be shacked up with another guy within a year. Women play the gay card to easily slide out of a relationship. You are supposed to be down about it. Sit in that feeling for the next 2 years. But while you wait for those 2 years time to go from broken old man to jacked silver fox so when you are ready to date you won't have a problem getting numbers. Get yourself on trt and hit the gym.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 07:37 PM
3

You are looking at romantic relationships from a mans point of view. Women think about them completely differently. They don't care about what you do for them, they only care about how you make them feel. If you don't take the lead and allow them to be in their submissive feminine they will move on to a man that does. Your mistake was you devoted your life to her. Instant turn off for women. They want a man to follow that has devoted his life to his purpose. They want a man to look up to and who…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 02:27 PM
6

It will take about 2 years before you move from love to indifference toward her. No way to speed it up, but plenty to slow it down (women, drugs, alcohol etc). Once you get there you will be so thankful she is no longer a significant part of your life.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 02:16 PM
13

"I know , never get married so fast...I know." Never get married again my man. You already have your kids, marriage offers you nothing now. Have fun, hookup, have long term relationships, but never commit since she is not offering you children.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 02:14 PM
1

Living with your soon to be ex is the worst decision you will ever make. You can try and justify it with finances but the real reason is you want her back. Live in your car and shower at your gym if you have to, just get out of there. She no longer loves you. Time to rip the bandaid off and go forth my man. Your kids will be fine, you will be fine, your stbx is no longer any concern of yours.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 03:59 PM
3

You're good mate. She loves her ex like a brother now. Would he fuck her given the opportunity? For sure, he is a guy after all, he would fuck her sister and/or mother given the opportunity too. But he gives her major ick vibes as far as romance is concerned. You have nothing to worry about on that front. Yes they will always have an emotional connection different to what you two have....that is natural when you build a family together with someone. It is nothing to be jealous of. You sound like…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 03:54 PM
12

This is very common when women have been with someone since a very young age. She has her kids, she has done her time, and now she wants to see what else is out there before she gets too old. She knows she has about 10 years left before her body is no longer desirable. She wants to experience different men and different relationships. You can label it a midlife crisis or whatever you want. She just wants excitement, to feel like a teenager again, and lots of sex with different men. Women typical…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 03:30 PM
-1

That is a clear sign you are not ready yet. Dating is the fun part. Get a dog if need some thing to keep you company on the couch.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 03:04 PM
17

Divorce was the best thing that happened to me. I now get to parent how I want. My relationship with my two kids is better than ever and the three of us are thriving. Financially I am free and no longer have to support a wife who did not want to work. Holy shit is it easy to stack cash without that dead weight. I am now going on trips and adventures that I never would have got to experience still being married. The women, the sex, the good times. Being a single dad gets women of all ages wet. Yo…
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 11:49 PM
2

He is checked out of the romantic relationship that is why he won't go. Has nothing to do with being a guy. He wants you to leave but is too much of a pussy to end things himself.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 11:39 PM
8

Your ex wife no longer loves you romantically, that is why. She loves someone else romantically and wants to be with them. Your family isn't broken. Your kids have an awesome mom and dad and are going to do just fine. And once you let go of your ex and move on to other women you will do just fine too. Don't make your kids or your romantic partner the center of your world. That is a recipe for disaster. This is your journey and your life to live, focus on you. Learn to validate yourself rather th…
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 11:33 PM
14

Get counseling ASAP. You are stuck. You will waste years of your life pining away for a woman who never thinks about you.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 05:18 PM
7

Women do not regret leaving a relationship. Get out of the house and move on with your life.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 05:15 PM
7

Your life wasn't falling apart, it was falling into place. God removes people from your life for a reason. He doesn't take them away so you experience the same or less than, it is always for the better. You are killing it. Have fun with the Tesla they are so fun to drive.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 08:32 PM
-1

You are a married man. Any woman who is going to date a married guy is going to be bottom shelf. Get divorced, take a year or two to heal, reflect and grow, then date top shelf women. If you hop into a new relationship straight away you won't learn or grow and you are going to repeat your failed marriage over and over until you do. That means second and third divorces.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 05:14 PM
7

She can ask for whatever she wants. Go to court. 50/50 is standard unless you are in a hick state, and she will pay you alimony and child support based off the state calculators. You won't even need a lawyer unless you are in a hick state.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 05:07 PM
2

It's well and truly over. You really need to learn how to set boundaries. You have already been cucked into raising the ex's kid now he is living in your home with your wife. File and leave this sorry excuse of a marriage in the past.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 05:03 PM
0

With daughters it's easy. Your job is to model the type of man she will date and end up marrying. So strong boundaries, make sure to tell her no when it's right to do so, keep yourself in shape, do not make her the center of your world, when you take her out to dinner make sure to open car doors etc for her. Biggest mistake I see dads make with their daughters is trying to be their friends, simping for them etc. Daughters have absolutely no respect for fathers who treat them like princesses. Com…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 05:21 PM
4

Enjoy the rebound. Just be warned that first breakup after a divorce hits hard (harder than the actual divorce).
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 05:10 PM
4

The first year it will be all the holidays/birthdays apart. Then it's the new boyfriend. Then it's when they remarry. Lastly it's when they have kids with the new guy.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 05:08 PM
1

Congrats. You have your kids, you are a free man, you have won at life.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 08:00 PM
3

No it was both your doing. For your next romantic relationship make sure to check in with your partner every month or so. That way you can both create a safe space to communicate about what you would both like to change to keep both of you happy. This is critical as we all grow and in different directions from our partners over time. If you don't women tend not to say anything directly until they are past the point of no return and by then there is nothing left to fix. My ex and I are functional…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 07:47 PM
8

You go to court. Unless you are in a hick state 50/50 is the default, doesn't matter what your stbx wants. Do not waive child support. That's is your kids money and you have no right to say no to it. If you don't want to use it to enrich their lives now then put it in savings and give it to them later on.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 12:24 AM
2

Courts do not enforce these types of clauses. It is up to you and your co-parent to communicate and negotiate with each other. Ironically co-parenting takes far more effort than a marriage if you want it to work well. Id run a background check on the guy. If he is clean and co-parents himself you'll have nothing to worry about as he will already know the boundaries. If he has no kids you will want to go to lunch with your co-parent and hash out the boundaries.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 10:53 PM
1

Cabin is a great idea. That is what I did. I found the perfect cabin on a river only about an hour out of town on airbnb but in a really secluded area. Great for alone time to reset while you are going through this. And a great spot to take new dates for weekend long sex when that time comes. I go to it every 3 months or so now for a long weekend.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/24 05:21 PM
-7

Cuckholding is nothing new and has been prevalent since the beginning of time. Having said that I don't agree with mandatory testing. I believe in freedom. I don't want more freedoms to be taken away by government. Mother rnature had this all figured out, The newborn always looks more like the father in the beginning. If your new child does not look like you then you know what's up and it is then your choice on how you proceed.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/24 05:15 PM
4

My advice do not be loud and drunk. Lots of western guys "disappear". It is the wild west. Do not pick a fight with a Thai. They are small but if a farang is fighting a Thai then every Thai within 3 blocks mobilises and will attack the farang. If a Thai picks a fight with you then apologize and leave, do not engage. Enjoy the culture and do not bring your USA attitude or culture over. Relationships are openly transactional in Thailand. If you are looking for a lady you will either be paying for …
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 05:17 PM
1

My ex and I did it ourselves in Oregon. It is simple. Since she pushed kids out of her vagina, destroyed her body, and breastfed them for you fair would be: Split the house 50/50. Any other liquid assets you split 50/50. Any debts you split 50/50. Split retirement accounts 50/50. Parenting time 50/50. No child support or alimony (your initial $75k on the house makes up for that).
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 10:36 PM
4

You are golden. She cannot take the kids out of state, and no judge on the planet is going to giver her primary custody after abandoning them. File asap and start collecting child support. The kids still need a relationship with mom so until she is done with her mid life crisis and moves back then summers with her in CO will probably be the best play for everyone.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 07:33 PM
3

Apps is where you went wrong over here. You should only date women who show choosing signals. You cannot get those from the apps. If you are out and about and see an attractive woman that is giving you signals you approach, get her number, and set up a date. And yes as the man you should always lead in the dating dept and the bedroom. If you are passive in these areas you will not be able to maintain her attraction toward you.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 04:31 PM
16

Yep the dumper gets to grieve the marriage with the comfort of a loving partner (you). They then drop the bomb. But the dumpee always ends up miles ahead at the 5 year mark. The dumper is not forced to grow as a person or learn from what went wrong and is doomed to replay things in their next marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 09:42 PM
5

Keep the the relationship light and fun. It is very healthy to value your alone time. With 3 kids and a sloppy drinker she is not marriage or cohabitation material. As long as she is happy to then continue to date, have fun, and have sex with no commitment beyond monogamy. Do not meet or get involved with her children. Do not lead her on with a future beyond that. Just have fun together and move on once this relationship has run its course.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 05:15 PM
4

Nothing wrong with dating and having fun with them. Just don't commit, cohabitate, marry them or meet the children.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 05:00 PM
35

Women who love and respect a man do not cheat on them. Your marriage is over. Have a conversation with your STBXW and let her know you want a divorce. Go from there. Keep it amicable and cheap if you can. Congrats on your daughter mate! Just don't go fucking things up by getting remarried or getting cucked into taking care of another man's child again.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 04:59 PM
8

This happens when you rely on women for validation. It is precisely why nothing will come of those relationships. You need to build yourself a fulfilling life on your own and learn how to validate yourself. That way you can date/have sex with no attachment to the outcome.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/24 06:29 PM
3

You are giving this woman way too much power over you. Take your anger to the gym. It will only last 18 months or so, use it to build yourself a nice physique.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/24 06:25 PM
13

Since she is the one who wants out she should be the one to leave. And yes separation is simply a longer drawn out divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/24 12:23 AM
8

My rule is never, ever go backwards. I tore my rearview mirror down and I only look forward now. It has served me well.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 04:00 PM
3

I don't allow it. I have 75% time with my daughter. My co-parent knows not to have her current boyfriend or any other guy discipline her. They are not the parent. In my opinion raising the child is the job of the co-parents, not another party. Not going to lie there is also a territorial component. That is just part of being a guy. If another man even yells at my daughter I am putting him in a wheelchair. It might not be woke or progressive, but it's what mother nature intended. We are borne pro…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 03:44 PM
3

Don't. Keep you 50% time all about your kids. Keep the other 50% about you and the women in your life. Your kids don't want a step mom, bonus mom, step siblings or half siblings.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 04:52 PM
2

If it is just your wife's body fat percentage that is the problem then that is easily fixed. In 18 months she could be 70lbs less, in 7 years she could be competing on stage for a womens bikini pro card if she wanted to. Body fat is very easy to lose. But rarely is it the spouse's body fat levels that are the real issue. Most of the time it is just an excuse. I would get yourself into individual counselling to figure out what the real reason is for you wanting to leave. If it is just her body fa…
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 04:41 PM
4

Your STBXW is just pissed. Don't sweat it. But you do need to get your ass out of the marital home and get your own place. It is not right that you are still there. You will completely fuck your co-parenting relationship by staying and since you were the one who cheated you need to leave.....yesterday. I dont care if you need to sleep in your car and shower in the gym, you made your bed so man up and deal with the consequences. Once you take care of your new living arrangements your co-parenting…
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/24 10:10 PM
3

You have to figure out why you are scared to be alone? What is it about yourself that you don't like? Why couldn't you be happy being single? Once you figure that out you now have a super power. You will not get attached to women or the outcome of dating, and that is irresistable to women. You will have them coming out of the woodwork trying to date you and you will have all of the power in your future relationships. Accept that you may be alone for the rest of your life. Big whoop. Hang out wit…
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/24 09:57 PM
14

You don't visit. You get 50/50 and you enjoy your parenting time with your kids in your own home. The other 50% of the time you thoroughly enjoy the single life. Remember the Ghostbusters movie where they say never cross the streams? Yeah, don't do that with your kids and your bachelor life - keep the women completely separate and when you have the kiddos focus 100% on them.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/24 09:49 PM
6

All depends on what you mean by friends? I don't hang out with my ex wife, ask her to the movies, go out to dinner, or have deep and vulnerable conversations. If she needs help with something I give it, and she would do the same for me. We are amicable and flexible when it comes to co-parenting. We would go on a family vacation together. Friendly? Yes. Genuine friends? Not at this stage (been 3 years). Maybe further down the track who knows?
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/24 09:40 PM
3

You need to set boundaries with your ex. In moms world she gets to parent how she likes, in dads world you do the same. You are not responsible for parenting when the kiddos are with mom. Co-parenting does not mean setting the same rules in each house and having no boundaries. It means working together to ensure the kids get what they need - time with both of you, and you guys being respectful of one another. That's it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 10:17 PM
2

Your fine a 2bdr apt is legal for 5 people in the USA (2 in each bedroom and 1 in the common area). You will get 50/50 with your ex. If your kids want a room each when they are older get yourself a sofa bed and sleep in the living room.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 09:51 PM
2

There is definitely a new man, most likely at work or at the gym. But he is not the reason she lost attraction for you. Neither are the finances or housework, and she could not give a flying fuck about a renovated basement. I'm guessing you stopped dating her and taking her away on frequent weekend trips to keep that connection between the two of you. She wanted you to be present with her and to let her be in her feminine and to treat her like a sex object and be free of being a working mother e…
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 06:36 PM
1

Congrats and best wishes for your new adventure! You have 3 kids and that is awesome my man You have already won at life, everything now is just gravy. Enjoy your freedom and enjoy all of the new women in your life down the track.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 06:14 PM
3

Your doing fine. Money is easily replaced so don't sweat it. But I would ask why you are doing it. Is it because of your kids and wanting a smooth co-parenting relationship (which is worth literally millions) or because you are trying to win your ex back? If it's the latter that is a problem.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 05:25 PM
8

Being a divorced father is utopia. We should be celebrating our ex's for giving us children and then giving us freedom. 50/50 parenting time. Free babysitter the other 50%. Being financially free. Being a kickass dad and getting to parent how we want. All the women we can handle with no commitment whatsoever. God bless modern women. Divorce is not a recipe for ruin and despair, it is literally life's ultimate cheat code for fathers.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 05:17 PM
2

Quit paying the stipend and do not co-sign anything. File for divorce and get it done. She left because you were a simp, she is not coming back if you simp even harder by co-signing. It is over.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 08:21 PM
9

Just know those texts are extremely repulsive to her and all you are doing is confirming her decision to leave you. From here you accept she will never have romantic feelings for you again and you take the time to grieve. It will be hell but in 2-3 years you will be in a much better place.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/24 08:25 PM
15

Take the time to heal. You cannot speed run that. Right now you are in shock grasping at anything you can to convince yourself you are ok with this. Give yourself a good 2-3 years.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/24 08:19 PM
4

My advice would be to move forward with your life rather than go backwards. Date other women and see what is out there. You have very limited experience and have been unhealthily fixated on this one woman for a long time. Time to let that go.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/24 10:36 PM
11

Asking for an open marriage. Can't blame the old girl for trying 😂
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/24 05:08 PM
1

The numbers are the same and always have been. Men are not as smart about hiding it so they get caught a lot more. The number of men raising another man's children thinking the child is his own will blow your mind.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/24 02:49 PM
3

Reminds me of a Bill Burr bit. Lesbians and straight men are always miserable, while gay men are always super happy. We all know why!
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/24 02:42 PM
4

You only need one thing on that list to keep her happy....keep dating your spouse. Nothing else matters to them. Not the money you make, not the housework you do, not being a good father, not the shit you buy her. Just plan care for the kids once per week, take her out, take the lead in the bedroom and give her the pounding she wants. If you don't do that then her new man will. Women (like men) are very simple.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/24 02:46 PM
3

Let her new man help, not your role anymore. The danger is she doesn't pay her rent and utilities, you get sent to collections and get evicted from the apartment. After that you won't be able to rent anywhere for the next 5 years and your credit is trashed.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/24 02:32 PM
4

Been there mate. You need to figure out what your purpose is in life (spoiler alert it is not your job or being a full time dad). Follow that purpose and you will feel fulfilled. This is a great time to reset and be selfish and try lots of new experiences on your journey to finding your purpose.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 05:57 PM
3

Communicate with your wife, go to counseling together, and figure out why she no longer wants to have sex with you. If she says no then it's time to move on. I'd still try and find out what killed her attraction for you as if you don't change it then it's going to be the same story for the future women in your life.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 12:26 AM
3

I turn off flashbacks.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 12:04 AM
4

Practice will make perfect. Your first few attempts you'll make plenty of mistakes. That is ok they are learning experiences. Don't waste too much time chatting on apps. When they reach out have a quick back and forth, ask what their schedule is like, and then setup a date. Since you are meeting them online and have no idea if their is any chemistry make it a coffee date. Women love to use old/heavily filtered/angled photos. Most will look completely different in real life. If she is a hotty in …
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 11:59 PM
1

Classic rebound. She is not perfect by any means, but you won't be able to take off the rose colored glasses for the next 6-12 months while you are still high on oxy. A new partner can help you heal, but you miss out on that growth from reflecting and learning to be alone. You will replay your previous romantic relationship again until you spend a season alone. Just remember in the beginning you thought your STBXW was perfect and that you were the luckiest guy in the world. That's standard for a…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/24 12:25 AM
9

When someone is done romantically and their former partner is still pursuing them and holding out hope it is extremely repulsive. I never understood this until it happened to me. That repulsion is next level. Your wife is done. Give yourself some grace it is natural to hold out hope (I was there too in the beginning) but you need to accept it is over. You need to divorce and go no contact for a few years so you can let go and heal (yes it does take that long). That distance will be good for your…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/24 12:17 AM
14

I was in my 40s when I was betrayed as well. In the beginning I felt like the best years were behind me too. I hopped on gear, hit the gym, am building an amazing physique, feel like I am 25 again, have no shortage of female attention, I have my kids most of the time, have all of my freedom, life is good. I live a much simpler life now and it is so much more fulfilling. My advice say fuck no to andropause and relive your twenties with far more knowledge, wisdom and resources.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/24 12:01 AM
1

School swaps are the best! Congrats my man. My schedule is changing next month and that means all transitions are going to be at school....not going to see my ex except for holiday swaps. Life is good.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 06:28 PM
5

If you guys can't control your emotions around each other bad idea to go. If you can commit to be in control of yourself then make an appearance early on and then leave after a short while My advice as a man you should always be in control. No reason to fight or argue, emotional instability is for the women.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 06:25 PM
11

The one wanting to divorce always plays the friend card. It is to alleviate her guilt, nothing more. You will need to go no contact for a few years so you can let go and heal. That is not possible if you remain in contact. So friends is not a possibility in the beginning. 5 years down the track when you have both moved on fully you can try and be friends. But let's be honest if you were compatible people you wouldn't be divorcing in the first place. Be cordial if you run into her, but genuine fr…
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 07:45 PM
0

Move out and get your own place. Staying in the home is going to destroy your co-parent relationship before it even gets off the ground. The one who wants out should always be the one to leave the marital home barring abuse.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 07:37 PM
6

We've all been there mate. That first year is brutal and a complete write off. What you are feeling is completely normal and healthy. Not much to do other than cry, smash things, and try to get some calories in. Letting go won't happen for another 2-3 years but it will happen. Until then you will be a rage monster so my advice is get on gear, take that anger to the gym, and use it to build a nice physique. In 3 years that anger will be gone and you will want to experience life again and lots of …
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 06:27 PM
2

I'll be going to my ex inlaws for Thanksgiving if my ex does not attend with her affair partner. They are still family to me (known them as family for 25 years), and the only family I have stateside since I'm from overseas (never ever move countries for a woman lol). If my ex is going to be there with her AP my kids will still probably go and I will chill at home or with my GF at her place. The holiday itself means nothing to me.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 06:19 PM
11

Keep it casual with her and have fun. That is the huge perk of divorce - no more commitment.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 06:07 PM
1

They don't. Once a woman is done with you she is done for life. There is no way for her to turn on that light switch for you romantically ever again. Her love for you is familial only now, so what you are hoping for is akin to her having a romantic relationship with a brother....not going to happen. It's tough, we've all been there, the pain will lessen with time. Stay amicable for your own sake and to honor what you once had. Do not try and be friends in the beginning tho, you will need a few y…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 12:43 AM
2

Some hard truths: You are not getting back together, ever. Of course she wants to be with other men, she has needs just like you. Your boss is not the first man she is talking to, she has already banged 2-3 other guys over the past year. Now that you are back to reality you need to make plans to move out and get yourself another job. If you don't you are in for a world of heartache. You will get 50/50 custody, and there will be other men around your kids. They will be harmless simps so be happy …
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 08:35 PM
1

It will take a lot longer than 8 months. You need to give yourself a good 2 years. The first year is a complete write off....it is all about surviving and grieving those first 12 months. The next 12 months you will start to think of your ex/ex-life less and less. It won't sting as much. You won't be ready to date until you are closer to year 3. Definitely put your anger to use and go build yourself a nice physique in the gym. It is hands down the biggest leg up when dating.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 08:22 PM
1

Divorced with 2 kids, one full time, the other 5 days per week. No issues finding a relationship when I want one. It won't affect you at all. You shouldn't have any problems finding wife and divorce #2.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 08:19 PM
3

Yeah you are going to suck in bed for a bit. That's ok we've all been there. Get your reps in. Practice makes perfect.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 05:26 PM
6

I thought I was. Then she divorced me. Now I realize how toxic it was. I thank her everyday for the gift of freedom she gave me. I could have easily stayed stagnant in that relationship for the rest of my life.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 05:23 PM
0

No. The only deal breaker is adultery. Your wife is not your therapist. If you need comfort go talk to a friend or hire a counselor if you have none. The benefit of marriage to a man is his wife giving him children. Hopefully she did that for you.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 05:19 PM
5

No. Only thing you can do is provide a stable and safe place at your home. Your ex is a dumpster fire, they are going to need a solid parent.....that's you.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 05:15 PM
11

I need space. I want to grow. I love you but I'm not in love with you. This is how women communicate to their husbands that they fell out of love with them 2 years ago or longer, have accepted the marriage is over, have let go and moved on, have met another love interest, and now feel comfortable ending things with their husband. Husbands then scramble to try and fix something that can never be fixed. The time to fix things is when she stops giving you bj's on the regular, not when she is giving…
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 06:11 PM
5

Don't let it impact your co-parenting relationship. You need to completely separate that brand new relationship from your previous romantic relationship. In the very beginning you will need to parallel parent rather than co-parent. You need that space to let go of your stbxw and reset your nervous system. Give yourself a good 2 years before you attempt to co-parent. Lots of guys use co-parenting as an excuse to still be a part of their ex's lives. Don't be one of those guys, all you will do is l…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/24 05:14 PM
-2

No I just know how these things play out. One path leads to healing, forgiveness, and moving on to a happy future the other ends up in bitterness and a wasted life. At the end of the day she was your wife for 25 years, and will be the mother of your child until she passes. She made a bad choice, you can go to war, but you will be the one who ends up losing.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 09:55 PM
-6

First thing is to figure out if you both want to reconcile or if you guys are done. Counseling would be a wise choice so you both have a safe space to air things out. It will take both of you wanting to reconcile to make it work. If one or both of you are done I would not kick her out unless she is still cheating. Make it an amicable split for your own and your son's sake. Split everything 50/50 and go your separate ways. The affair stings for now but in a few years it won't. You'll realize your…
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 08:28 PM
3

A really bad overreaction. Women cannot physically intimidate a man so the only power they have over men is to get an emotional rise out of them. Take that away from them and they are completely powerless. You empowered her with your outburst. But the good news is in the future you know what to do. No response unless it is about logistics for your children. If she does not want you driving the Pilot a simple thumbs up emoji is all that is required, never ever give her an explanation or try to de…
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 08:03 PM
7

Set youself a big goal and go chase it. You are in the prime of your life - lots of knowledge, financial resources, lots of time off from parenting, no partner to make compromises with, now is the time to go pursue that completely selfish dream. You just need to figure out what lights you up. For me I loved bodybuilding since I was a young teen. I hopped on gear to go chase my mens physique pro card. It's been an awesome adventure, half way thru, something I never would have done had I still bee…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/24 09:33 PM
7

Move out so she can move the new guy in? Fuck that my man. You stay there until the house is sold.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/24 11:26 PM
17

When she stops giving you bj's believe her. That is the time to fix things, not years later when she has passed the point of no return.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/24 07:18 PM
2

50/50 custody. Be happy your kids have a grandfather who loves them and will take care of them while their mom has her head in the clouds. Do you have a daughter? That will be you simping for her and treating her like a princess when you are older lol. It's what us guys do.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/24 05:24 PM
4

With a high conflict ex you have to parallel parent rather than co-parent. That does mean two different worlds for your boys, but that is ok. They just need one stable household to be ok and you have 100% control over that. They will adapt quickly. Time to setup a new email and ask your ex to only contact you there unless it is an emergency. Check that email twice a week. A few years down the track you and your ex may be able to move to co-parenting if that's what you want.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/24 11:38 PM
3

Most guys these days get 50/50. But you did luck out having an awesome co-parent. Just make sure to return the favor on flexibility when she asks for it. Congrats sir you have won at life.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/24 06:32 PM
6

No in Illinois the only reason to divorce is irreconcilable differences, there is no other option. They separate the institution of marriage from the romantic relationship....one has nothing to do with the other. She won't be able to bury you at all. Automatic 50/50 for custody, state calculators will determine alimony and child support, and you will split net growth in assets while you were married 50/50. Lawyers will not affect the outcome at all other than fleecing you of $10k each.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/24 06:25 PM
26

She was already checked out of the marriage. The porn incident is just an excuse for her to be able to divorce with the narrative it was all your fault. There is no way to fix it once a woman turns a light switch off for you. The lack of intimacy and her resentment toward you was a loud and clear signal she had turned that light off. Think back to when she stopped giving you bjs. That is when her attraction for you first started to fade. For your future relationships when this happens that is th…
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/24 05:21 PM
8

My advice don't move in. Spend your valuable time and energy on yourself and your child instead of someone else's child. Priorities. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 09:29 PM
1

Cortisol is spiking. Buy a cortisol blocking supplement. If you are ready for trt that will also reduce cortisol production and allow you to handle stress much better than a natty male.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 05:29 PM
1

Not 100% on you. Women are extremely intuitive she knew full well you were not 100% invested but chose to say nothing. She then chose to have a child with you. You both didn't communicate your true feelings. Every marriage ending is 50/50 as far as blame/reasons for the ending go. You are self aware which is huge. Most people just float through life. Now you know what not to do in future relationships. Don't understand how you lost your son. Infidelity is not grounds for losing 50/50 parenting t…
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/24 09:10 PM
1

If she is not contributing financially you are doing it all wrong. Work out what her share is every month toward bills, the rest of her income is to do whatever she wants with. Likewise for you. Do not commingle all finances it will only end in resentment/overspending by at least one of you.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/24 09:04 PM
3

These affairs happen AFTER that partner has already checked out of the marriage. People like to blame them for the marriage ending but the truth is that romantic relationship died at least a few years prior to the affair. You have to go into marriage understanding it is not for life, but rather it is for the length of the romantic relationship (only exception being two partners equally yolked by their faith in God). That vow til death do us part is for the believers, not everyday folk.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/24 09:00 PM
2

Since your children are adults there is no need for your stbxw to tell you who she introduces them to. There is no reason to keep in contact with her about the kids either. They are adults and their relationship with their mom is between them and her, has nothing to do with you. Be angry if that is what you feel. I'd be pissed (and was). But those are your feelings and it is your job to manage them...it is not your children's or your stbxw's job. Good tools to help you with this are divorce reco…
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/24 07:25 PM
3

Since she is still engaged in the affair ask her to leave the marital home. It is not appropriate for her to reside there. She can live with her AP or family. I would not wait for holidays or bdays to file for divorce. Get the ball rolling today. Your kids will be fine IF you remain amicable and respectful of your co-parent. They adapt very quickly. They just want to see both of you happy, they don't care if that is together or not.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/24 07:11 PM
1

Just use your state calculator and plug in the figures. This is what the court will use.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/24 07:05 PM
1

Well it certainly fucked your chances of having a cheap and amicable divorce and a healthy and amicable co-parent relationship. But we have limited info....maybe those were never on the table to begin with.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/24 06:42 PM
5

My wife left to be a poly swinger too. Like you she coerced me into the whole open marriage thing. Luckily I listened to my body and kicked her out before it got too far. The fact that you survived the manipulation and abuse you need to hold your head up. Many guys delete themselves after going through that. I get the not feeling loveable narrative. You are telling yourself this because of what one woman who was a very poor romantic partner did to you. You are letting this woman define who you a…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/24 06:28 PM
2

You'll get 50/50 so you won't just be a part time parent. But that is still an adjustment. My ex and I did every other day with our 8yo daughter in the beginning. Neither of us wanted to go more than that without seeing her. She did really well with this schedule (we lived 10 mins apart) and so did we. With your daughter so young a schedule like this will be best until she is older. After a year it changed to 5 days with me and 2 days with Mom. This past year it is 4 days with me and 3 days with…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 06:46 PM
1

Oh boy what you have here is the classic "Nice Guy". He is putting everything ahead of himself and is not being authentic with communicating his own needs. This leads to big resentments on both ends. What you both need to do is have a hard conversation with each other. Obviously this relationship is not working for either of you. You both need to be honest and communicate what you both need from the relationship to be happy and build something new together. It sounds like he is on his feminine 9…
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 07:29 PM
4

When someone leaves for their AP they will do everything in their power to make sure that relationship lasts, including staying in a bad relationship. If they leave the AP it is an admission that they blew up their lives for absolutely nothing. The only way they will split is if the AP kicks her out so do t hold your breath.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 11:57 PM
2

I have one son who is 22. He lives with me full time. We get a long great and he is a perfect roommate. The best way to mentor is to act, not talk. Let your actions and the way you live your life guide him. He won't listen to a word you say so do not offer advice UNLESS he comes and asks for it. If you want him to be great then you need to set that standard for your own life....he will follow suit.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 06:40 PM
17

The only upside to marriage for a man is children. And it is well worth going through a divorce to have them. If a guy already has kids for the life of me I cannot understand the motivation to get married again. Have a long term partner but do not commingle finances. When the relationship has run its course (they all do) move on and find a partner that is compatible for the next season of your life.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 06:25 PM
4

Fuck yeah! Have fun mate.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 06:20 PM
1

Not 20 years gone. You have your kids, you had some great times and fun memories. And now you get to spend the next 20 years a free man.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 11:33 PM
3

You are seeing 0% of your kid now. You know you are just a shell of a man right now with your wife manipulating you into letting her go out to bang other men. Been there mate. Leave, heal, and rebuild. You cannot have a healthy and authentic relationship with your kid while you are miserable. You cannot heal and rebuild living in that toxic pit. Put your kid first. Staying is only going to teach him to be a door mat and to let others walk all over him. He deserves better. And your kid also deser…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 10:54 PM
3

Play nice. A bitter co-parent means a lifetime of misery. Be flexible on your days with her too. One day it will be you asking to swap etc. You get what you give.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 09:56 PM
10

Sounds familiar. This is what happens when we don't have boundaries. Lesson learned. Only took me 22 years, but hey better late than never!
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 11:38 PM
2

A hard truth - respect her wish for the divorce. She does not want to be with you anymore. It is over. She does not want you to try and win her back. She does not love you romantically anymore. It is good that you know it was 50/50 as far as blame goes. You neglected her, she failed to communicate clearly what she needed from you as a partner. Extremely common dynamic. For future relatonships do checkins with your partner every 1-2 months, and make it a priority to be there physically and emotio…
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 02:17 PM
8

Yes you are completely fine. You are young, you have your kids out of the way, you have a daughter x2, you have 50/50, and now you have your freedom. You are set for life mate. Most guys would kill for this start at your age Just don't go fucking it up by remarrying, having more kids with another woman, or becoming a step dad. Your daughters don't want a bonus mom, step siblings, or half siblings. Keep your dating for when your kiddos are with mom. Most importantly keep the co-parenting relation…
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 05:34 PM
3

You don't save your old marriage. You communicate with your partner and work to build an entirely new marriage. Obviously your partner has to be onboard with this. You cut back on work, you contribute more to household chores, you begin dating your wife again like you did prior to having kids. You will also have a list of things you need her to change or start doing. This will happen every 5 years or so in a marriage. People grow and change so your relationship also has to grow and change. If yo…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 04:11 PM
3

It is completely normal and very healthy. You are definitely on the right path. Sit in those feelings, reflect, and learn from your mistakes so you don't repeat them in future relationships. You are 100% spot on with why your spouse started looking outside of the marriage for romantic attention. You stopped dating your wife. Most of us whose wives walked away did the same. You didn't know better at the time so don't beat yourself up. Now you have the tools so next time you will know.....if you w…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 05:24 PM
16

I chased money in my younger days. Complete waste of time for me as money changed nothing. Now I invest in my physical and mental health....life is so much better on all levels. I should have done this rather than chasing $$$.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 05:01 PM
2

If your ex didn't give you a child then hell yes lock a woman down and this time get your kids out of the way asap. If you already have kids then hell no. You already won the game of life. Enjoy your kids, enjoy your women, live a happy life.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 10:25 PM
9

She fell out of love with you. You must keep taking action to keep a woman's attraction level on the high end. Neglect doing those things for too long and resentment creeps in and in time she crosses a point of no return where she no longer has romantic feelings toward you. Tale as old as time. BJs are the canary in the coal mine. Once she stops giving oral on the regular you know her attraction level for you has dropped and you need to make some changes fast. Do nothing and she will let go emot…
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 10:19 PM
3

My timeline is for the dumpee (80-90% of men). The dumper has been over the relationship prior to announcing it is done. They got to grieve with the comfort of the partner they end up discarding. The dumpee has a much harder path in the beginning, but the dumper carries guilt for the rest of their lives.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 10:09 PM
8

Distracting yourself is the last thing you want to do if you want to heal. You need to sit in your feelings those first 18 months. You don't ever get over it, but rather it is an experience that you grow from. It will shape the man you become. For most guys the first divorce is the first chance for them to actually grow into becoming an effective man. Reflect, learn what you did wrong, but do not beat yourself up once you figure it out. You didn't know back then, in time you will and you will be…
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 12:57 AM
5

It is going to be tough staying in the marital home. I did it. Make sure to get rid of as much as you can that you bought together....furniture, decorations, knick knacks etc. You need to repaint, get a new bed, start fresh. Living in that house unchanged with your kids will haunt you and take a toll on your mental health. But the very best move would be to sell it and start competely fresh. If I could do it over I would have chosen that. Kids adapt quickly and will be fine bouncing between hous…
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 12:39 AM
13

If only us guys were taught to have intimate friendships with other men we would definitely get our divorce numbers up to rival that of women. So many guys I know are miserable in their marriages but continue to stay because outside of their wife and kids they have absolutely nothing.....no genuine support network at all.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 07:19 PM
6

Your only job for the next 12 months is to sit in your feelings so you can heal. Do not distract yourself with hobbies, alcohol, drugs, women, working overtime etc. Heal and grow. Crying is going to be a huge part of that. If this is the first time in your life then you will also need to reflect on past griefs that you did not heal from. Talk therapy will be a huge help....you cannot do it on your own.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 01:59 PM
1

If it was me I'd get my own space for my kids and I asap.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 06:43 PM
3

Right there with you mate. Been divorced 3 years and sometimes I think about her and our old life together and wish we still had it. Then she calls my daughter (daughter always answers on speakerphone) and I hear her voice and it's like oh thank God she is not in my life anymore lol.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 05:30 PM
12

If you want kids then absolutely yes marriage is worth it. But for the life of me I cannot understand why men get married or remarried when kids are off the table. Kids are the one and only upside of marriage for a man. If she is not going to give you kids, and kids very shortly after marriage, then do not give her wife privileges. Nothing worse than a man who gets divorced with no kids, and has to do it all over again to have the kids he does want. Main takeaways are: 1) Marriages are not forev…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 05:40 PM
6

Never understood the fascination with 20 year olds. My son dates them, they are annoying AF. Give me an older woman who is not glued to her phone, can carry on a conversation ,and knows what she is doing in the bedroom.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 11:19 PM
1

Mate you need to accept it is over. You also need to give yourself some grace ...she is definitely 50% to blame for your romantic relationship not working out....it is not all on you. There is nothing you can do to change her mind. Once a woman turns that light switch off for a man it cannot be turned back on. What you can do is make sure you have an excellent co-parenting relationship and that you learn where you went wrong so you do not repeat it in your future romantic relationships. Grant he…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 05:38 PM
2

If you bought through a retailer I would not expect anywhere close to what you paid. We kept ours, will give to the kiddos one day if they want them. Every so often I come across it....good times for the most part.....it's a fun reminder.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 05:28 PM
3

The answer is simple in your case. He loves you. You never loved him which is why it is so easy for you to walk away. You need to file and set this man free.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 11:49 PM
1

He's going to need at least a few years to grow and rebuild. You would be in the way of that. He is bored, Seattle sucks 9 months out of the year and he needs a warm body to keep him busy til next summer. Go if you want but at least be aware of what you are signing up for.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 11:29 PM
2

Your story is very similar to mine. Wife had a mid life crisis, her personality changed, older son wants nothing to do with her. Checkout theherospouse for plenty of resources on dealing with and understanding those going through a mid life crisis. Shes going to melt her kidneys if she keeps abusing orals and alcohol. She is firmly in replay mode reliving life as a teen for the next few years. Hopefully she can stay healthy enough to have a life once she comes out of it in 5-7 years.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 11:24 PM
1

Sounds like you are using your sexuality to feel less guilty about not honoring your commitments. You have already made up your mind so just leave the man. You said for better or worse, it is worse, you have no intention of keeping your vows, nobody cares who you want to bang be it woman or man. I guarantee hubs is attracted to plenty of people (a handful at least at work) but makes the decision every day to stay faithful. Don't coerce him to go along with it, own it, burn it to the ground, and …
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 11:10 PM
3

I would not file. If she wants out she needs to do the leg work, don't let her sucker you into doing it for her. She wants you to file so she can tell everyone and herself you were the one who ended it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 10:52 PM
1

There will be no fight, you will sell assets and split any equity 50/50. She will pay you alimony according to the state calculator. Don't know about what you signed. Consult with a lawyer would be good just go compare what you should be getting to what she is offering.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 11:57 PM
7

All of what you mentioned. Married for 22 years, two kids, I have son full time and daughter 5 days per week. Much better relationship with both of them. The freedom! Definitely a perk. And financial freedom as I was supporting the ex....now the burden is gone. Career is the same but I took up bodybuilding and will be competing for my pro card soon. Not sure if anything will come of it but who knows? Dating life is excellent. My ex was my first so I never had a chance to learn how to date or und…
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 11:51 PM
3

Dog FTW!
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 11:42 PM
3

Excessively cheating? Like you would have been fine with just 1-2 other guys cumming in your wife? You really have been through it mate and lost all perspective. First step get dna tests for all 6 kids. Once you have the fathers figured out then you can go to INDIVIDUAL counseling and figure out what YOU want to do. Good luck mate you have a big mountain to climb.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 11:01 PM
6

It doesn't get better day by day that's for sure. It will get better in 18 months or so IF you put in the work. Time by itself won't do anything. For right now sit in the pain. Your only job is to get water and whatever food you can in, nothing more. In 9-12 months you'll realize you went a whole day without thinking about her. That is a milestone that you are doing the work and moving in the right direction. For the future but remember this.....get your kids out of the way asap when you remarry…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 10:53 PM
-2

Nobody cares about your job, how many hours you work, what housework / child rearing you do that your wife should be doing. All I see is a doormat of a guy not getting enough sleep and being disrespected by his wife. And I know why because I used to be that guy, we all have which is why our wives walked away. I don't see a single pararagraph about how you take your wife out on dates each week. When a woman belittles you it is because you are not giving her the attention she needs. She is in mom …
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 01:46 PM
2

"So now, I am starting to not care to buy my daughter anymore clothes and save my money." This is where you are going ALL wrong my man. You need to put work into your co-parent realtionship (it is ironically more work than a marriage and it doesn't just happen organically). Step one is realize this will be work, it needs to be done for your daughter, and it is going to cost you time and energy. Step two take your co-parent out to lunch and have a conversation about the clothing. Don't be standof…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 01:51 PM
4

"I will still take care of her and the kids (if we eventually have children)" This is where you are going wrong. The only upside to marriage for a man is children. If you are not firmly planning on children within the first years of marriage then do NOT get married. Nothing worse than seeing a broken man with no children realizing he has to go through it all again to get his family. You are only going to want to get married once, trust me on that. Make sure to choose a partner who is going to ma…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 01:35 PM
1

Mate one of the perks of divorce is you get to raise your kids how you see fit (and your ex gets to do the same). If you want to celebrate Xmas in your house then you get to do that. Your ex also gets to do what she wants in her home. If you want to change religions you can. If you want to celebrate Xmas in July you can. You are now free to do as you please (as long as it is not illegal). You need to set some boundaries and stick to them. Sounds like you brought dynamics from your former romanti…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 03:45 PM
7

You will need to redefine your relationship with them. It is ok to stay in touch but you will need to pull back. They will be forming bonds with your ex's new man and you don't want to be in the way of that. You will need to grieve the loss of your former relationship with them. Work on letting go and start building a new circle.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 03:30 PM
5

Definitely over. Her not wanting sex with you is her telling you loud and clear she is done. You can stay roommates like you have for the past 6 years or you can break up and live your life to the fullest.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 03:17 PM
5

I was married for 22 years and my first after the divorce straight up felt like cheating on my former wife lol. Probably lots going on psychologically. As the dumpee your already feeling like you aren't good enough so it can be a complete mind fuck all the way around. I was your age too. TRT plus daily Cialis and I was rock hard whenever. It was a big help in the beginning. I'm a few years on now and we'll over my ex so havent needed Cialis again.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 03:00 PM
2

My advice stay off the meds. You are going to have to take a gap year - that means you will be putting your plans on hold for one year while you heal. Once you reach the other side you go back and hit it harder than ever. During the first few months it is just about getting food and water in. Lots of sleep. Lots of anger, crying, being a total wreck and that is completely ok. You have to write that first year off. Everyone goes through it. If you numb with meds or other drugs/alcohol you are jus…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 04:31 PM
4

"Do I just worry about myself and my kids and let her go through this?" That is exactly what you do. Think of it this way. When you give a rental car back do you keep inquiring about it, checking up on it, worry about how the next renters are treating it? No, you hand back the keys and walk away. That is what you need to do with your STBXW. She is no longer with you, she is on to the next guy, and you saying anything at all about it will only confirm her decision to leave you and will undermine …
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 04:23 PM
21

48M here. Like you no interest in getting married (already have kids) or co-habitating (I like my independence). Don't need a live in partner to split bills. Don't need a maid or cook. Also not looking for a partner to provide for financially. Not looking for a blended family or "bonus mom" for my kids. Problem is like you I love being with women. I decided casual was for me too. But casual comes in many flavors. At first I did the short term casual but fuck dealing with break ups every 3-6 mont…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 03:14 PM
9

Damn she didn't give you children after 17 years? Men the only thing a marriage will give you that you cannot get single is children. Children are the only upside to marriage for guys. Make sure to choose a wife that will make a great co-parent and make sure to get kids out of the way early while you are still very much into each other romantically. OP you need emotional support and people to talk to. I understand the no friends thing my ex would not allow me to have friends (male or female) eit…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 02:50 PM
7

I would make the very hard decision to let go of the fiance and put my daughter first. Build that relationship. I would also swallow my pride and build an amicable co-parenting relationship (even if the ex is crazy). In time go for 50/50. Even if your ex fights this she won't be able to when your daughter is a teen. If you show you are there for her and are stable she will choose to stay with you when she is older. As for dating keep that on your time off and keep it away from your daughter. She…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 06:44 PM
5

Happy bday my man. This year your bday present to yourself should be to go get on trt, get yourself a gym membership, and get 3 months of coaching for training/nutrition/sleep hygiene. Mature guys with a nice physique are in very short supply and very high demand. Next year have your ex take the kids on your bday because you'll be having a fun night out with a lady.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 06:37 PM
1

Never ever get involved with a married woman. You can try and justify it all you want you are only inviting chaos into your life and lowering your standards. Find a quality woman who isn't married to date.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 09:32 PM
8

The poor kid is totally whipped. I gaurantee he doesn't want to be there either. It's your ex that is making him come along. You can always organize to do pickups/dropoffs at a location away from your house.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 01:32 PM
11

Every man goes through this. Once a woman mentions divorce she has been out of love with you for 12-18 months. When a woman turns the light switch off for a man romantically it can never be turned back on. She will always love you as the father of her children but she will never want a romantic relationship with you no matter what you do. She loves you like a brother now and there is no way to go from that box back into the romantic partner box. Everything you are doing to impress her is not goi…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 01:30 PM
5

You have to accept you are not the same people you were in the beginning as a couple. Obviously there are some major incompatabilities which is why neither of you are loyal and why you both resent each other. You guys are probably better suited as co-parents rather than romantic partners, and while that is scary to accept it is completely ok. My advice is start planning your life without your wife in it as a romantic partner.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 01:15 PM
0

It's all about polarity. In her head she painted you as a confident, masculine man who likes to lead. When she finds out you are just another child to take care of it is over. The solution - be a confident man who embraces masculinity and leads.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 10:03 PM
13

Honestly I would not give two fucks what they say about you mate. And bang that manager.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 09:57 PM
2

My advice do what you need to do to get your own place for you and your children. Sounds like you are on the right track by quitting alcohol and weed. You and your children don't want to be around that. You want to surround yourself with people who have the same values and who are on the same track as you. Don't be afraid to set boundaries with people who no longer align with your values. No doubt once you get yourself setup your co-parent won't have a problem with the kiddos spending time with …
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 07:20 PM
4

Keep dating your wife. Even more critical now that she is a mom. You need to take the lead and let her be in her feminine one night a week, one weekend getaway per month, one longer trip per year. You plan it all from the location, to the hotel room afterward, to the childcare...her only job is to dress sexy and be ready at the time you tell her you are taking her out. If you don't do this she will grow resentful and feel like she is a full time mother rather than a sexual being (all men fail he…
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 04:09 PM
18

What you do is respect your wife's request and give her the divorce. The why does not matter whatsoever. You cannot fix, save, or beg your way back.....once the woman mentions divorce it has been over for a LONG time. Yes she is seeing someone, she has been single in her head for at least a year. You guys are married on paper only at this point. I know it's a tough pill to swallow but you have your 2 kids so you are set for life. Once you let go of the life you thought you were going to have you…
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 03:52 PM
12

I think you have a few things going on that turn women off. Firstly you say other than work and kids you have nothing going on in your life. Big big turn off for females. That means they are going to be the center of your world and you are going to be needy and clingy. In short they will become your mother. Sounds like you have no relationship with yourself which is why you have no standards. Again huge turnoff for women. They can smell desperation a mile away. My advice find something you are p…
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 03:41 PM
5

There is nothing left to fight for or save. Once the woman brings up the d word it is over. 90% of people are happier after divorce. 75% are remarried within 5 years. If you let go and heal you'll be just fine.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 04:25 PM
4

No quality woman is going to want anything to do with you....right now. Reason being you are comply focused on the wrong thing. Dating should be the last thing on your mind. You need to go move close to your kids and fight for 50/50 time. Once you have your life in order and your priorities straight you will attract some amazing women. That's a few years down the track tho. You need time to grow into a man and to rebuild a good life for yourself and your children first.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 04:15 PM
2

Are you still married? If so go have fun but keep it casual. A woman that has no problem getting involved with a married man is not relationship material.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 07:06 PM
9

You made the mistake of harboring a fantasy she would come back to you. Now you know better. Get your butt into the gym, get dating, have fun with some different women, realize pussy is not worth the time and investment that comes along with dating, enjoy your kids, peace and freedom and hookup once in a while.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 06:57 PM
9

Your friend is a lazy father. Do not listen to him at all. I would advise to cut him out of your life and surround yourself with capable men instead If you give up 50/50 you will regret it the rest of your life. It also sends a message to your daughter she is not worth it. Guess what kind of bum she is going to end up marrying with a self image like that? Man up, cut back on your lifestyle, and be there for your daughter. In 14 years it will be your turn to put yourself first.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 06:47 PM
2

Oh yeah you have plenty of time. Just don't go into it thinking it is death til you part. Have your kids and most likely she will want to experience something different when the kiddos are 10 or so. Remember you are choosing a co-parent not a lifelong romantic partner. If she talks shit about her exes run for the hills....you will be one of her exes one day. If she is still friends with her exes put a ring on it and get to work.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 04:21 PM
3

Each GF has been a great experience. I would not say better, just different. It's like comparing apples to oranges. Every relationship is unique, every woman is unique, the sex and intimacy is unique. The new relationship energy is always fun, obviously a wife of 22 years could never give me that (nor me her). Now I get to have it whenever I want. My ex will always be the love of my life and I will never cohabitate or get married again - I have my kids and don't need nor want a do over. My advic…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 02:10 PM
9

I'm ecstatic. Not going to lie in the beginning it was hell tho. I still loved that woman and it crushed me. Married with 2 kids for 22 years. The pain was absolutely horrific. She was my first everything. 3 years on and these days life is bliss. My relationship with my kiddos is so much better. Our son lives with me full time, our daughter 5 days per week. I no longer have to provide financially for the wife. Just complete freedom, and when my daughter is with her mom I go play with amazing wom…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 01:42 PM
3

In this case I'd say def stay married. You are both out of love with each other but great roommates which is why this is going to work. Once your son is 18 revisit the idea of divorce. Meanwhile have an open and honest conversation with your wife about opening the marriage if you want a sexual relationship.....sounds like you would both be onboard. My ex wife proposed an open marriage but at the time I still loved her so it wasn't going to work. Nowadays I'd jump at the chance....having a live i…
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 05:18 PM
9

Stay within a tolerable car rides distance to your son. For me that's 30 mins. It's about your son now so forget the pitty party. Once your son is 18 it is your time again.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 05:09 PM
-1

Has nothing to do with society. It is just how women are wired. They do not want equality in the romantic relationship, they want the male to lead. This becomes critical after kids are on the picture. To get her out of mom mode and in her feminine the male needs to lead the dating dynamic. Most guys don't do this and become another child for her to take care of....instant attraction killer.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 04:22 PM
-2

When the spark goes you can make a choice to work on it with your current partner, or end things and find it with a new partner. She decided to try with a new partner and she has every right to do that. You can act proactiviely to ensure the spark does not die. No reason the thrill and excitement has to go away with time. It takes a lot of work on the man's part though, and you may decide one day you would rather invest that time and energy on a new partner rather than keep it up with your curre…
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 01:44 PM
9

Always, always do a background check on anyone who will be around your kids, especially a male living with them. All you need is his name, date of birth and $20 to do a national crime search. And if he does have any criminal records yes you can indeed use that to get full custody if he will be residing there depending on what charges they have. Probably mute since your boy is almost an adult, but better safe than sorry.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 09:26 PM
3

I've really enjoyed dating after my divorce. I would not say it is broken at all from my experience. But I am not looking for a new wife either. I've already done that, it was fun, I have my kids and I don't need a do-over. These days I'm just looking for connection and fun. So far the women have not disappointed.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 04:25 PM
2

When the right man comes along she will want kids. You two are simply not compatible. You will both regret no kids for the rest of your lives. Time to find a woman who wants the same thing, and wants them with you.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 04:21 PM
35

For any guy reading this....if you are in an abuse free marriage you do not need to ask if your stbxw is seeing another guy. She will not bring up divorce or want to leave the marriage unless she already has her new man (and in her head new life) locked down. BTW if your friends new all along and said nothing they are not friends mate.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 04:12 PM
3

It's over mate. You have to work on accepting that. There will be a lot of pain the next 2 years, after that it gets much easier. Right now you have a bad case of oneitis. In time you'll learn she was not the one, there is no one, and there are a lot of awesome women to date and have fun with. For right now find yourself a counselor you connect with and join a divorce recovery group. You cannot do this alone.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 07:31 PM
15

50% of marriages end in divorce. 90% of divorces end in bliss.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 07:29 PM
2

Mate you need to start making choices that are best for you. How has being a people pleasing doormat worked out for you so far? If you want to do a separate party with your family do that. My advice tho for this year make it a special day one on one with your daughter. Be present, go have fun together, make some memories. Indifference to your ex will come with intentionality and time. You have only just begun the grief process. As the dumpee your path is completely different to your ex. Revisit …
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 01:27 PM
5

Oh hell no mate, do not go. Throw your own birthday celebration for her. You don't do the collabs until you have both healed and moved on. That'll take a good number of years. Your job for right now is to protect your heart and your mental health so you can be the best dad you can. Once you move to indifference toward your ex is when you entertain doing the joint parties. Right now you need distance, and lots of it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 11:49 PM
9

Never had an issue finding a gf. I have an 11yo daughter. Since I already have kids I am not looking for another wife. I don't see why it would be an issue in my case. I don't introduce my partners to my kids, and I only spend time with my partners when my daughter is at her moms (1-2 nights per week).
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 01:52 PM
2

Very common mate. Good news is you got your kids, the one thing you have to rely on a woman for. Lots of guys are in your position with no kids and need to remarry to get them. Going forward when you are ready you can date entirely for fun for as long as you want, and then move on to the next woman. You have won at life. No more divorces for you, just a lot of fun experiences. Now you get to rebuild any kind of life you want. No compromises. Once you are done grieving it is actually extremely ex…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 11:37 PM
4

I am in the PNW but imagine you should have something similar by you. Booked a remodel ed cabin on Airbnb about an hour out from the city in the forest. Close to hiking trails, hot springs, it was awesome. Since been back with my girlfriend.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 11:19 PM
1

I'm speaking from experience. Can't imagine my co-parenting relationship is unique.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 08:12 PM
11

You'll feel this way for a while. Once you stop loving her you will move from anger and resentment to complete indifference. In a few years you will start to forget what it was like to be married and to live with her. It's a great spot to be. Until then fake it until you make it. Why? Because once you do move to indifference and rebuild you will want an amicable and flexible co-parent to have your back while you go explore the world and all it has to offer. What they don't tell guys is that bein…
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 02:01 PM
16

"I love you but I'm not in love with you." "I need to find myself" "You deserve better than me" "You will always be the love of my life" "I want to try and open marriage" Does not want a trial separation. Does not want to do marriage counseling. Any one of these and she has found a new guy. Emotional affair at a minimum, coin toss if it's physical yet. Do not beg, do not try and save the marriage, it is over and has been for 18 months or so.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 09:55 PM
3

The only reason you are vulnerable is because you have no standards for yourself. If you don't respect yourself how can you expect anybody else to? If you have a boy you are teaching him to be a complete doormat in his future relationships. Ask your ex to leave the marital home. Learn to respect yourself. Set the standard for your children.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 09:40 PM
1

Ok mate you are definitely not thinking clearly. Do not get remarried, and do not abandon your children. Your kids are your ride or die...women come and go. You won at life and you are now doing everything possible to fuck yourself. Keep the status quo. Work on your co-parenting relationship so you can get more flexibility. Your schedule is nuts....work toward one week on one week off. Let your fiance know the marriage is off. Tell her you are interested in a long term relationship. She may walk…
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 07:27 PM
15

Been thru it. Plenty of guys have. The argument wasn't the reason for the divorce. That's just the excuse she is using to finally pull the trigger. She has not been in love with you for a long time and finally worked up the courage to move on. She got married young and wants to experience something different. She has that right. In time you'll thank her for allowing you to experience different partners as well. Now for the reality check. When the wifey wants out no counseling or separation she h…
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 07:04 PM
2

This is how my co-parent and I interact. It's awesome. Completely flexible with each other and respectful. There is still tension from time to time as she does some crazy shit, but we know we can always vent and then go back to being nice. Be happy she is not a high conflict co-parent. That is a recipe for a life of misery.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 06:46 PM
6

All of the other stuff you can work out. But the big thing is kids. You want them, she doesn't. That is a deal breaker. You will regret not having kids your entire life. Find a good woman who wants to have children. Pick a woman who will make a good co-parent. Odds are you will be co-parenting far longer than you will be romantic partners.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 06:34 PM
5

She won't be by herself. When they say they need to "find themselves" they already have an emotional affair in play at a minimum and they feel confident they can progress this to a full relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 05:23 PM
11

Sounds like you are still very much attached to your ex and have held on to a fantasy that she would come back to you. This hurts for sure, but it is a very important step into finally letting her go completely and moving on. There will be two other hurdles....her getting remarried, and her having a child with another man. This could be 10 years down the road and it will still be a challenge. It's just part of it as the dumpee. Do not reach out this is a horrible idea. She has clearly let you go…
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 01:53 PM
4

If you dont have kids together then do not contact her ever again for any reason. You are only hurting yourself by keeping in contact.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 02:23 AM
2

Yep 75% of divorcees do get remarried within 5 years. If you do the work and find a partner who is also self aware (spolier alert they are not on the apps lol) you have a great shot at staying married if that's what you want. The question is if you already have kids, as most divorced men do, what upside is there to committing to one woman the rest of your life? Have relationships with lots of different women. See what's out there and have fun. Variety is the spice of life. You no longer have to …
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 02:17 AM
10

This is actually great news. I know it hurts like hell but two things: 1) You have a great co-parent for giving you a heads up. Most won't do this and you will hear it from the kids. You picked well. This bodes well for when you find a new partner. 2) Now you can finally let go and move on. You had that fantasy you might still get back together. Now you can lay that fantasy to rest and start living your life. Be happy you didn't lose more time stuck in fantasyland. This is one of the final boss …
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 02:08 AM
2

If you got cucked into every weekend you def need to change that. Split the weekends or do every other weekend. You need you time to go out and have fun and to see your girlfriend. If your ex really won't play ball and the courts won't change things (doubtful) then ask grandparents to take them one weekend day and night. No family? Get a babysitter. Having nothing in your life but work and kids is a recipe for misery. BTW nothing helped me move on more than dating again and making love with new …
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 01:49 AM
5

That long? Your are def stuck in the process. When this happens you need to get yourself into counselling to learn tools on how to let go and keep things progressing. It's a great investment in yourself. Guys who get stuck remain bitter and stagnant for decades and miss out on so much in life. You need to learn how to set boundaries so she no longer has any power over you. Parallel parent rather than co-parent. No communication at all unless it is an emergency situation with your daughter. Compl…
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/24 02:14 PM
17

It's like that in the beginning. After 18 months or so you won't even think of her once during the day. It is nirvana. You got your family. In time you will realize your ex brought nothing to to the table you cannot provide yourself. You have your daughter. She was always and will always be the most important woman in your life. You have won. You know how many guys are out there who put in the time, got divorced, and didn't even get a kid out of it? And now these men have to rely on finding anot…
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/24 01:53 PM
8

Lol you got me bro! I used to be such a little bitch. Even my oldest son used to joke around I was such a simp for his mom. But times I have changed. The dynamic with my GF is so much better now. I lead, she is happy to follow me anywhere. Night and day. My ex thought the dynamic would continue into the co-parenting relationship. She got a ride awakening. Funny thing is she treats me like gold now that I don't care about her.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 08:59 PM
6

It takes time mate. Give it at least 2 years. The first year will always be a total write off. That's ok. Most guys make the mistake of making their wife and kids the center of their lives. Completely unattractive to the opposite sex as it is extremely feminine behavior. Don't beat yourself up, you didn't know then, now you know for future relationships. Most women LOVE to follow men, keep your focus on your purpose, she is there to support you. You will have moments to support her too, but it h…
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 02:11 PM
6

The only benefit marriage gives a man is kids. It is a great institution for building a family, no denying that. When you are ready to be a father get married, have your kids, accept the divorce when it comes 10 years down the track, and then go live an amazing life and enjoy your children and grandchildren. Choose a woman who will make a great co-parent. This is a woman who does not bad mouth her exes. Odds are you will be a co-parent much, much longer than you will ever be lovers.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 01:53 PM
4

I'd love the day to myself on Thanksgiving. Wake up early, quality espresso, cook myself a delish breakfast. Hit the gym. Come home, eat again, go see a movie. Come home grill up some quality steaks. Chow down, take a nap. Have fun hitting the early BF sales online. Watch a standup special on Netflix, cheat meal. Perfect day of peace and progression for me. If only I could figure out a way to ditch the kiddos and gf lol.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 04:21 PM
2

Do parallel parenting rather than co-parent ing. Setup a new email address and ask your ex to communicate anything about the kids to that email. Check the email at set times maybe twice per week. Choose a time to respond once per week. With parallel parenting there shouldn't be much need to communicate at all with your ex unless there is an emergency.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 04:10 PM
9

As a general rule men suck at relationships, especially the relationship with themselves. Men will stay in an unhappy relationship while women in general will not. It is not out of a sense of duty, but out of a lack of self awareness and fear of being alone. Hence the huge disparity in who initiates divorce. Women in general have a much larger support network and an identity outside of marriage whereas for most men work and the wife is all they have. Our buddies certainly don't have the emotiona…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 04:23 PM
12

Mine started dating during the marriage lol. That was 3 years ago. She is living with the affair partner now, broke, up to her eyeballs in debt, doing drugs, having cops called on her and her affair partner, very likely in an abusive situation and unable to afford to leave and live on her own. With me she was a stay at home homeschooling mom who wouldn't even touch soda. Great life for 22 years. Mid life crisis to the max. Hopefully "finding herself" was worth it for her. Quite the transformatio…
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 04:20 PM
2

Cheating is not a mistake. Throwing a red tee in with the whites is a mistake. When a woman cheats it is a sure sign she has fallen out of love with you and has moved on. There is nothing to save or fight for and she won't ever be falling back in love with you again. Hard truth to accept but it is beyond over.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 07:41 PM
1

I took mine off when I came to the same realization that our relationship was over. It was a few months prior to the divorce on paper. I remember feeling naked I had been wearing that ring every day for 22 years. I bought another ring for my other hand and fiddled with that instead. I kept the ring one of the kiddos may want it. It has absolutely no sentimental value now after 3 years....a good place to be.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 07:36 PM
1

You are not even remotely ready to date so dont even waste your time thinking about that. A woman during this season of your life is only going to slow you down and keep you lazy. You really need to learn how to set boundaries and cut out the toxic people from your life. By the sounds of it that's everyone except your 2 kids. Next you need to get to the gym, hop on trt, lose the fat and build a nice bod. When you do start dating that is a huge leg up. Focus on your kids and getting your living s…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 07:18 PM
5

Nope go forth and date. Dating was the number one thing that helped me get over my ex wife. Sleep with plenty of women, have fun, just don't get anyone pregnant or think about marrying again anytime soon. I never used dating apps so can't comment on those. They sound like a giant time suck to me, if you see a cutie in the real world checking you out go introduce yourself and plan a coffee date.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 07:00 PM
2

Nothing helps a man move on like a new woman. Let's you take the ex off the pedestal immediately. Give yourself plenty of space in this relationship tho, you still have plenty of healing to do.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 09:15 PM
4

I could tell you hobbies, working out, friends etc but truly new women are what is going to help you move on the most. There are plenty of women looking for a fling. Go have some no strings attached fun. Once you realize your ex was average at best in every regard you won't feel like it is a loss.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 09:11 PM
-3

Yep he is going to need a roommate to make it until the kiddos are moved out. May has well make it one that also provides other benefits.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 08:58 PM
12

If you want a good co-parenting relationship you don't do boyfriend moves like letting her emotionally dump on you. You need to move to indifference toward her and cut her off if she wants to communicate to you about anything other than co-parenting. You should mind giving your valuable time to a woman who has no respect for you whatsoever unless it directly helps your kids out.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 07:24 PM
0

You will be restarting from zero. That is to be expected. You'll be broke for a bit, but that is better than miserable. When your done healing find yourself a live in girlfriend to split the bills. Other option is an open marriage if your wife is down for that. No doubt she is as miserable as you are and might be receptive. You can both find other partners but become roommates and split bills/parenting under one roof.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 07:18 PM
6

I was rail thin before she left. Said fuck it, hopped on gear(first 2 years trt dose), put on 40lb muscle over the past 3 years. 10lb more lean tissue and I'm doing my first mens physique contest. Ultimate goal is my pro card. Heartbreak and anger def fueled those first 2 years. Now I'm doing it for me. Happier than ever. Not everyone who walks out of your life is a loss.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 10:09 PM
1

You don't have to follow the court order at all. My ex wife and I have 50/50 on paper but my son is with me full time and daughter is with me Sun-Thurs. If you and your co-parent decide the time has come for your child to choose where to stay you don't need to get government involved. You two know your child best. As a general rule I think 15 and older it is entirely appropriate to let the child choose when and where they want to live.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 07:25 PM
13

The red flags I missed were with myself. I'd fawn all over her and thought she was the best thing since sliced bread. Made her the center of my world. Put everything on hold for her. Oh boy lol. These days I keep the focus on myself and my journey and let them come along for the ride if they are interested. Women love to follow if you lead. A woman in her masculine is trouble.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 01:52 PM
4

I have experienced the exact oppositie. My boss is female with kids. All the women in the office think I am a unicorn and my boss has no problem letting me come in late, take days off, change my schedule etc to be there for my kids (I am full time with our son. Sun-Fri with our daughter). I know they all want to fuck me so that probably helps too lol. My advice when you interact with your boss stay in your masculine frame. Stick to your boundaries. Use your body language, eyes and smile to be pl…
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 01:43 PM
1

I see my in laws and the whole side of that fam more than my ex. I was married for 22 years, so yeah they are going to be family forever more. And of course they are grandparents to my kids. I do make sure to not see them when my ex and her affair partner are there. That is still a mind fuck for me so that is a boundary I have set. Kind of like peering through a window and seeing your old life with some other dude in your place. No thanks. It's not weird, you and your EMIL have a common enemy no…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 01:49 PM
18

In time you will learn that the divorce was a blessing. Your kids will adapt easily, they are resilient AF (far more than us). Once you heal you will enjoy the freedom, the supportive co-parent, and be thankful for the strange guy your ex has hooked for investing his time and energy into your kids while you are out doing whatever the fuck you want with your free time. It's like getting paid time off for nothing. And the best part is when your kids are teens they and your ex are going to treat th…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 01:42 PM
14

The upside of marriage for men is kids. Are you going to push one out of your vagina? Now if you didn't get kids out of it, or already had kids and got remarried then lesson learned mate. If kids are not in the picture there is absolutely no upside to committing to one woman for the rest of your life. If you did get kids out of it then divorce is the best thing to happen to you. You now have complete freedom, you have 50% time off to do what ever and whomever you want, and you no longer have to …
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 01:28 PM
1

The rings aren't worth anything in the real world. The jewelry business is a scam. You'll have more fun finding a creative way to get rid of them.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 09:59 PM
6

It was hard for me for the first 2 years after a 22 year marriage. Got crushed again with my rebound lol. Went from never having heartbreak to 2 in one year. 3 years on now and I have no problems being vulnerable with women. It's not so much that I trust them it's that I trust I'll be able to pick myself up if I get crushed again. Practice makes perfect and I know I'll be fine no matter what. You will get to a point where you learn you cannot have love without pain. They always go together. And …
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 09:56 PM
1

My dad didn't have many friends either. I was raised by a single mom. I don't relate at all to the typical bloke. Watching sports, fishing, talking about their truck is boring AF to me. I have no problem making female friends, but do have a problem not crossing into more than that with them. I have slept with all of them. Still they are way more fun to hang out with than men and are always down for an adventure. Maybe go the female friends route?
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 09:50 PM
5

You have the right to access her phone forever more since she had an affair. But you shouldn't do it behind her back. Instead you need to be straight forward and let her know if she wants to stay one condition is you are allowed access to her phone at anytime. You two really need to go to counseling if you want to make a serious attempt at building a new marriage from the ground up. Your old marriage is over so don't waste your time trying to get back to that. You need to figure out what you nee…
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 09:44 PM
3

Head on over to the trt sub and start learning. Testosterone is extremely cheap once you have educated yourself and are happy to self administer - about $5 per month to keep yourself top of the range (1000-1200).
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 01:36 PM
1

His father should have already taught him that lesson.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 01:25 AM
4

Very common. Cialis is great if you have issues getting hard. Like you I can last hours now that I'm older. I first started noticing time to ejaculating increasing in my late 30s. I'm 48 now. I finish maybe one in ten times. The ladies are happy. I make them cum 3-4 times in 30-45 mins then I call it good. They can be self conscious at first and think it is them. Communication is key. I actually enjoy sex a lot more now that I'm focused on them rather than myself finishing. Enjoy the long sessio…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 09:53 PM
2

Good for you mate. I'm very close to your timeline too, 6 months further ahead. Life is good. And great advice about not staying comfortable. No bigger turn off for women.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 09:40 PM
6

Yep. And all the engineer has to do is commit to a long term relationship, not get married, have kids, and win at life regardless if the woman stays or goes.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 09:33 PM
4

The only way to let go and move on is to go no contact. Go at different times to meet the teacher. Keep contact to an absolute minimum needed for the kids. Her anxiety is the boyfriends problem, not yours. Dressing up is not going to impress her. Once a woman flips the light switch off for a guy it can never be turned back on. It is how they are wired. She will never look at you romantically ever again....you will either be a friend, co-parent, atm or some combination. I'd advise taking a few ye…
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 10:57 PM
4

She has made it clear she does not want you in her life anymore. You need to accept that and begin the work to move on. No more looking her up, no more joint accounts, sever all ties and go no contact for a few years. It is the only way you will let go and heal.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 10:41 PM
2

Went through this. I asked her to leave as she was committing adultery. She gladly washed her hands of mom duty for 6 months so she could go "discover" herself i.e. party, drugs, sex. The children will process it as abandonment. They will also blame themselves for mom leaving. You needs lots of communication with them and you will be both mom and dad. It is critical you provide them with stability, especially during the first years. Don't even think about bringing a girlfriend around to meet the…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 04:39 PM
6

I actually ended up in a better position as my wife was a stay at home mom and loved to shop. I paid her $70k to move out so she could go party and leave me in the home with the kids. Up $$$ now and the peace is priceless.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 11:21 PM
3

22 years here. These days I don't mind when a relationship expires. I'm not getting married again as I already have kids so it costs nothing financially. I get to grow and move on to other amazing women. That's far more exciting to me than being in one relationship for the rest of my life.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 11:11 PM
3

You have to rebuild the relationship with your self. Spend a year or two alone. Then add in new friends. Then start to date. Gym should be mandatory for all men regardless of age or marital status. Time to commit to that. Best investment you will ever make. It is not to meet people, go there to put in the work and grow. After a year when you have rediscovered yourself go make some new friends outside of the gym. Find them online, at your grocery store, coffee shop, wherever. I stick to female fr…
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 10:23 PM
7

It does stop hurting. Give it half the time you were married to heal. That doesn't mean don't date until then, but you will still get down and triggered by random things until then. The first year is always a total write off of you were the dumpee. Year three is much better. After 5 you'll be so thankful you were set free.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 10:17 PM
4

Once a woman shuts off the light for a guy it can never be turned back on. She is way past that point, she does not want you in her life any longer. Time to move on.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 10:12 PM
5

Firstly it is not her that you miss. You miss living in a family unit. Any one of tens of thousands of women can fill that role. But that is something to worry about 5 years down the track. Cancelling the credit card was not scorched earth, that was just common sense. Split all debt and assets down the middle and go your separate ways. She is no longer your financial responsibility...she will find another guy for that once she is over her hoe phase. In 5 years or so you will have both well and t…
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 10:09 PM
1

Happily married women do no go looking for connection outside of their partner. The reason they do that is because there is no connection. Very often men stop dating their wives and there is very little communication. If you are checking in with your partner on a regular basis, planning weekly dates, and weekend getaways to maintain that connection she won't be looking for that anywhere else. That's not to say it is all the man's fault, it is 50/50. He stops courting his partner, she fails to co…
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/24 11:18 PM
1

Assuming no abuse or infidelity, the spouse who wants to end the marriage should be the one to leave the marital home. If she wants out that is her choice, but you need to ask her to leave and go live with her family/friends/affair partner.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/24 01:58 PM
2

The marriage is well and truly over by then tho. It exists on paper only. Once a woman turns that switch off for a guy it can never be turned back on. The affair partner is not the cause of the end of the marriage, both hubby and wife are at fault for that.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/24 03:19 AM
15

A separation is as good as a divorce....you are not going to get her to turn the light switch for you back at this point. It has been off for 18-24 months by the time she has asked for the separation. In her head she has been single for those 18-24 months so no surprise she has been seeing this guy and likely talking to a few others in case he did not work out. The money is gone OP and she did use you. But lesson learned mate....you did your best with the tools you had at the time. Now you know …
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 07:29 PM
1

Completely normal mate. You are not ready for the committment and compromise that comes with a traditional relationship. You just got your freedom and don't want to lose it so fast. That is why you are feeling controlled. You need this season to rediscover you, not focus on a partner. Communicate with your partner and dial things back. Non-traditional relationships like casual, FWB are great for this season fo your life so you don't have to give up any freedom while you re-learn your old self.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 01:12 PM
4

Sorry mate. Once you hear divorce come out of your wife's mouth she has been checked out of the marriage completely for 2 years or so. Quite often there is another guy in the picture when she asks for divorce because she has been single for 2 years in her mind and she is ready to move on with her life. Don't get hung up or play victim that she is cheating on you....she's been gone for a long long time. LIkewise don't beat yourself up - you are both at fault 50/50. What you need to do is give you…
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 01:07 PM
10

Been in a similar situation. I got my ex wife her job as gym manager at my gym. About 6 months in she had an affair with multiple people (none gym patrons or staff). But one of the guys used to come in and visit. I ended up changing gyms for a year. She ended up getting fired so I went back. You really have to protect your mental health, especially if you are a father. I'd advise joining another gym, get a coach, get on gear, and build yourself a nice physique over the next 7 years. Don't even w…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 09:30 PM
6

You went wrong by taking her back the first time you found out she cheated (and that was not the first or last time she cheated by a country mile my man). I'd get the kids tested to see if theyre even yours, your stbxw sounds really off.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 09:16 PM
1

Not looking to have more children. No reason for marriage whatsoever if you are a man and not planning on building a family. Without the payoff of kids there is no reason to get locked down to one woman and have to split your growth in wealth when she gets bored. Keep all of your wealth and enjoy a variety of women.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 09:36 PM
2

Lol she thought it would be plenty to fund her boob job, then realized she had to buy food for the kid 2 weeks out of the month. Ex wives....gotta love em.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 09:29 PM
9

Sounds like you both have a lot of work to do on yourselves. Your daughter is going to be the one to pay the price unfortunately.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 09:20 PM
1

I get it. Now you know what not to do. If kids aren't on offer do not get married.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 02:02 PM
2

Firstly I would not entertain dating at all until you get divorced. Then give yourself at least that first year for reflection and personal growth. If you go straight to a new partner you miss out on that growth opportunity permanently and your next marriage is going to be a replay of your first failed marriage. You really want to learn why your marriage failed (you are both 50% at fault) and how you can show up differently in your future relationships. Learn to be self sufficient. You are 50/50…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 01:54 PM
6

You just need to reframe your situation. You are getting out of a REALLY BAD lifelong contract early. It is well worth the fee my man. Hard to swallow if she did not give you kids. In the future if she is not going to give you children there is absolutely no reason to get married.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 01:38 PM
12

All dumpees are devastated. Women recover faster because the area of their brain that processes emotions is larger, and they are built to withstand pain. They almost always have a much larger social network for support. Men do much better than women years 5 onward tho.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 09:43 PM
0

No you did exactly the right thing mate. Your job is to protect your children. Your stbxw is no longer under your umbrella of protection. She is making very poor decisions for herself and I hate to say it won't be good mother material for the next 18 mos or so until she is done with her slut phase. Your lawyer is right you won't get full custody just off this incident, but if she really goes off the rails and heads down the drug rabbit hole better to have everything documented so you can keep yo…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 09:31 PM
1

You don't trust your partner. The simple fact is you will never know what they truly think. And they are human....ripe for flaws and making mistakes. What you trust is that you will be strong enough to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and continue to move forward. You will get betrayed in all manner of relationships (not just romantic). As you get some experience you will learn to have good boundaries so when the the inevitable happens you are not left to rebuild from scratch every time. You …
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 09:50 PM
3

Yep guess we did get lucky. These days I always advise men to only marry a woman who will make a great co-parent, not just a great romantic partner. In all likelihood the co-parenting relationship will last far longer than the romantic one.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 06:56 PM
3

Two issues to oversome with this - safety and this guy getting what should have been your time with your son. As far as the safety issue run a background check. Easy and cheap. Do not skip this step. You just need his name and date of birth and $20. When that comes back clear then trust that your co-parent has decent judgement. A healthy woman won't let a guy inside of her that she does not feel safe with. They have very good intuition when it comes to this - as long as they are healthy. I am go…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 01:50 PM
23

For me it is having my kids 50/50, having an amazing co-parent, having my freedom, but not being financially responsible whatsoever for my co-parent or having to be monogamous with my co-parent. It is life's cheat code for a guy. All of the upside of a marriage with none of the downside. A smorgasbord of women on my days off without the kids, complete freedom to do whatever I want with whomever I want, all of the money I work for is 100% mine to invest or spend as I see fit. No having to check i…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 01:32 PM
6

Been there mate (except for the nudes on reddit). It's hard to accept the romantic relationship is over. It will sting again when she gets married (but that will bring some finality), and one last sting when she has kids with the guy. What you need to do is quit the BS on reddit and live alone with your feelings. Write the next 12 months off. It is going to suck, you will be in depths of despair, you will be angry. Now way around it and no other way to grieve and move on. I always advise joining…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 02:24 PM
6

She wants you to support her financially while she gets her emotional support from her new man. Mate you are getting played. Your marriage is over. You guys are going to mess your kids up living this lie. You need to accept it is over, get divorced, spend a few years healing and move on with your life without her. Maybe a new partner is in the cards, maybe not, but do not stay in this toxic relationship. Hard truth but she no longer loves you. If she did she would exit gracefully and let you hea…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 02:09 PM
2

Zero. We filed ourselves. Ex wife paid the $600 fee. She must have been feeling guilty AF.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 11:42 PM
2

You dont put your foot down. You follow the state calculators, and so will she. Unless you live in a deep red state then custody will be 50/50. There is literally nothing to negotiate or fight about, judge follows the calculators end of story. No need to even talk to her about it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 11:00 PM
33

They all try to be friends so they don't have to deal with the guilt. Perfectly normal for them to play that card. They get to skate the first few years moving on to new partners quickly while you are shattered. But the roles reverse after 2 years or so. They will be dealing with the guilt and second guessing the rest of their lives while you get to heal and flourish with an even better life and partner.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 10:55 PM
12

Her libido turned off for YOU. Big difference. You took on a feminine role by working out to get sex, giving her time off to get sex, doing chores to get sex. You were desperate. Women are very intuitive mate she could see your game a mile away and it was a turn off. Women are not turned on by desperate guys. What you should have done was stay focused on you. Did you make sure to get your guy time in? Did you make sure to do separate activities? Plenty of time apart? Separate trips from time to …
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 01:12 PM
2

Never used OLD so cannot comment on that. What I can tell you is a lot of women are into hanging out and hookups rather than long term monogamous relationships these days. Honestly nobody who is wife material is going to be on dating sites or social media. I'd start by asking friends or family if they know any good women who are single.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 12:52 PM
5

Went through the exact same thing in the first year after my divorce mate. It's hard to break old patterns. What you need to do is hold yourself accountable and do not do things to please other people to illicit something in return. In actuality you are not being nice or kind, you are being manipulative and cowardly. So what you need to do is set a higher standard for yourself. Only agree to do things because you want to do them. Completely untransactional. Expect nothing in return. Likewise if …
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/24 06:54 PM
6

I've been divorced for over 2 years now and we co-parent 2 kids. In the beginning my ex-wife would flake, run late and ask me to drive further to pick up our daughter etc. I don't think she was being manipulative, she has just lost a lot of her mental faculty - had a mental split of sorts. Anyway for my own sanity I had to enforce boundaries with her. Now she is a lot more respectful of my time and me in general. Had no boundaries in 22 years of marriage so about time lol. It has given me tremen…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/24 06:42 PM
14

She was already checked out of the relationship. You never had 2 chances mate. Letting her live with you for 1 year was a terrible idea. That's 1 year of pain and time lost for you. She gets to save, find and fuck other guys for 12 months while you sit there a depressed mess. Part ways so you can start to heal. Your kids need a healthy and functioning father, especially the revolving door of guys they will have to put up with on your ex's side.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 09:25 PM
3

Completely normal mate. You are a human, not a robot, of course you are going to have feelings and you will need to grieve the loss of what you thought your marriage was going to be. You'll also have to put the work into to forgive yourself and your soon to be co-parent. She is no longer your responsibility other than what the court orders. She is a grown woman and needs to take care of herself like every other adult on the planet. You both made mistakes and you will both need to pay the price a…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 01:44 PM
2

Time for both of you to start adulting for your children's sake. Take a few weeks to think about what you need form your wife. Write it down. Then you need to have a sit down with your wife and have a conversation. Let her know your current marriage is not working, it is a dumpster fire (she knows), and let her know you are willing to put the work in to build something new. If she is onboard then communicate what you need, and let her do the same. Make sure to check in with each other every 3 mo…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 01:36 PM
3

Mate your kid's an adult. No reason whatsoever to communicate with your ex ever again about anything. Block her on everything and move on with your life. That's the biggest perk of a divorce from a toxic partner.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 01:29 PM
3

Yeah your way too involved, especially so early in on the process. It really is disrespectful to your STBXW and your affair partner. I am not really concerned with the affair partner tho, she is a POS and deserves everything coming her way (as are you, but I am rooting for you to learn from this experience and become a man so you become an effective leader for your kids). Give your STBXW room to grieve and let you go. Any interaction beyond the bare minimum required for the kids is only going to…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 01:49 PM
9

Marriage is only a benefit to a man if he wants children. At 50 that ship has sailed most likely. Money is easily replaced I would not be concerned with that. The biggest loss is your peace, and the ability to enjoy relationships with many different women. Freedom, no compromises, lots of romantic connections. Without kids on offer I would not advise giving that up.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 01:41 PM
2

That's huge. Knowing your kids are going to be with the one person who loves them as much as you do is going to give you peace. Having 50% of time off is going to re-energize you as a parent, give you time to get on your purpose, enjoy your hobbies and friends, and fun play time with amazing women in due time. Being a single dad with a friendly and involved co-parent in the picture is life changing. After you heal the heartbreak your life is going to be amazing.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 06:17 PM
7

Don't beat yourself up mate. We all simped for our ex's, that is a big part of the reason for why they leave. By continuing to sleep with her and simp for her she lost ALL respect for you. Knowing you would put up with that after all the BS she put you through is not attractive to a woman. She views you as pathetic (and to be fair we are when we do this). Now you know what to do so you will never be in this situation again. Now for the good news. You have 3 kids, you have 50/50, your ex sounds l…
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 04:16 PM
9

Biggest thing is to build your co-parenting relationship from scratch. Whatever happened in your past romantic relationship is irrelevant to your new co-parenting relationship. Do not bring any dynamics from the past into this brand new relationship. Still work on forgiving, just know that has nothing to do with co-parenting. Your ex may have been an awful romantic partner, but that doesn't mean she is a bad parent or bad co-parent. But you will want to work on forgiving (not forgetting) for you…
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 11:45 PM
0

Marriage is great. You just need to go into it knowing it is not for life and how to protect yourself when it comes time for your wife to pull the plug. Firstly make sure your wife works. No stay at home BS. She has to contribute financially. Secondly make sure you only reside in states where 50/50 is automatic as far as parenting time goes. Thirdly and most importantly choose a woman who is going to make a great drama free co-parent. If a woman talks badly about her ex's then move on. If she is…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 08:53 PM
1

Sorry mate that makes it tough. Keep hope your ex turns around tho. The one saving grace is there are a lot of women who are on the same schedule as you, so it won't be hard to align those weekends off together. 4 days out of the month does make it harder.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/24 01:50 PM
2

What's your parenting time like? If it's 50/50 (which hopefully it is) you will have plenty of quality time with the kids, and a good amount of guy time/hobby time, and then date nights/sleepover twice per week with the woman in your life. Does that sound lonely? Most married guys would kill for that.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/24 01:39 PM
4

Alone with your awesome self, no drama, complete freedom to do whatever and whoever you want. Complete mastery over your finances. Sounds fucking terrible man!! Listen you def want kids, the wifey will come and go. Get your kids and divorce out of the way, then enjoy the rest of your life. Single dad life with an amicable co-parent is utopia for men.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/24 01:25 PM
5

Compartmentalize. No women while you are on dad duty. No reason for the GF to ever meet your kids or the ex. Your kids don't want a step mom, step siblings, or half siblings. They are already going to have to deal with a revolving line of guys thanks to your ex, give them peace, and then go have your fun on the side when they are with mom. Once they are 18 and out of the house cohabitate, remarry, then work on your second divorce without fucking your kids over.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/24 01:19 PM
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