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Helpful-Paramedic463 Archive

View 32 posts and 1,802 comments by Helpful-Paramedic463 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
177

RantHelpful-Paramedic463/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 09:05 PM
124

RantHelpful-Paramedic463/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 11:54 AM
122

RantHelpful-Paramedic463/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 11:09 PM
120

Dating After DivorceHelpful-Paramedic463/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 01:11 PM
115

RantHelpful-Paramedic463/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 05:00 PM
112

Dating After DivorceHelpful-Paramedic463/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 09:23 AM
99

Dating After DivorceHelpful-Paramedic463/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 04:49 PM
96

RantHelpful-Paramedic463/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 12:07 PM
95

RantHelpful-Paramedic463/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 01:35 PM
93

RantHelpful-Paramedic463/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 01:01 PM
70

RantHelpful-Paramedic463/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 03:12 PM
68

RantHelpful-Paramedic463/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 06:39 PM
63

Dating After DivorceHelpful-Paramedic463/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 10:19 PM
51

RantHelpful-Paramedic463/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 11:55 AM
33

Spousal Support / AlimonyHelpful-Paramedic463/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 07:00 PM
29

Dating After DivorceHelpful-Paramedic463/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 01:19 AM
25

RantHelpful-Paramedic463/r/Divorce_Men04/03/25 11:33 AM
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Helpful-Paramedic463/r/Divorce_Men12/05/25 02:05 PM
22

RantHelpful-Paramedic463/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 12:33 AM
21

RantHelpful-Paramedic463/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 03:35 PM
21

LawyersHelpful-Paramedic463/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 04:59 PM
19

Dating After DivorceHelpful-Paramedic463/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 03:39 PM
18

Dating After DivorceHelpful-Paramedic463/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 12:08 PM
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Helpful-Paramedic463/r/Divorce_Men21/07/25 11:34 PM
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CourtHelpful-Paramedic463/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 02:47 PM
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RantHelpful-Paramedic463/r/Divorce_Men09/06/25 10:18 AM
12

RantHelpful-Paramedic463/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 11:39 AM
10

Dating After DivorceHelpful-Paramedic463/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 07:06 PM
10

Helpful-Paramedic463/r/Divorce_Men28/12/25 09:28 PM
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Helpful-Paramedic463/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 12:26 PM
7

RantHelpful-Paramedic463/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 11:49 AM
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RantHelpful-Paramedic463/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 03:07 PM
Showing the 1,000 most recent of 1,802 comments.
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
3

Bro just understand at this age they all have baggage, to include us. She sounds like a freak and could be a blast in bed. I was married 20 years and the last 5 years of that marriage I MAYBE got a BJ once a year. Girl I'm with now does it on demand and does it well along with many other things my ex was to prude to do. Don't put all your eggs into her basket though because there are so many women. Don't immediately get tied down to her. Get situated and make her a friends with benefits and make…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 08:27 PM
2

Military divorce here. Did 25 years and was married for 20 years. She gets 35% of my retirement for life. So my question to you is, are you willing to pay her for the rest of your life when this goes south? If not, punch out now before you pay her for life.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 08:23 PM
3

I don't understand why so many people do these crazy ass schedules. Put it to 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off. The kids prefer that. It's better for parents.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 07:34 PM
3

I'd say it took about 8 months after we signed the separation agreement and once I got the divorce decree I was free and clear.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 10:31 AM
4

I dealt with this and just finalized my divorce. I had a minor child at the time so in my state we had to be separated for 12 months before we could get the divorce decree. If you don't have kids or a house, the divorce should be easy. You're young enough to not have a retirement to fight over. You both could probably go to the courthouse and file by yourselves and save some cash.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 06:58 PM
4

Well said.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 09:42 AM
2

I recommend you give her a notice on text and email. CC her parents for the hell if it. Tell her you're moving and this stuff is getting donated by a certain date if she doesn't show.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 02:02 AM
3

Block her on all socials and all her friends and family. Then don't post shit and enjoy your life. Fuck her
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 01:39 AM
4

Just have fun and be honest with her. You like her company but want to move slowly. Make sure she knows your boundaries and by boundaries I mean your friends, families, hobbies. Don't move in or entertain ideas of moving in. Just enjoy the single life. Watch for the red flags
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/26 08:31 PM
1

Brother I would never move in with her. Look at the data. Recipe for failure. Her kids are way too young. Fuck that.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/26 01:32 PM
2

That's a lot on your plate. Sit her down and tell her you’re not doing this for the next 10 years. She needs to help. One thing that may help you, stop coaching and put some time back in your schedule. I coached all my kids teams and it was taxing. Felt like I was doing the right thing but I didn't need to coach every year.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/26 01:30 PM
4

You gotta put them to work. Sounds silly but have them start helping with dishes and teach them how to start the bath. You cannot do everything for them. You're being super dad and you're gonna burn out and in the long run, you're stunting their growth. Give them responsibilities.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/26 01:13 PM
3

It's a document that you and your wife sign to protect each other while separated and waiting for the divorce decree. In my state, because we have a minor child, we have to be legally separated for 12 months before the court will grant the decree. The separation agreement basically makes us two distinct people again, sets in place custody, payments, and property. Prevents either one of you from indebting the other and allows you do see other people during the process, if you want.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/26 01:04 PM
4

Once we signed separation agreement she stayed in the house for about 3 months until an apartment opened up for her. I helped her move in to speed the process. During that time I slept in the guest room which pissed me off. She was the one who cheated but here I am living in the guest room like a criminal.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/26 12:13 PM
2

I've seen both. In my case, me ex wanted out of the house asap so she grabbed an apartment and I stayed in the house with the kids. Win for me
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/26 11:04 PM
2

They were. Just in disbelief because she preached one thing then obviously did what she did.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/26 10:51 PM
3

My wife cheated. Kids were all teens at the time and they pretty much put 1 and 1 together. They asked and I confirmed. They said they had a feeling that was the case.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/26 09:34 PM
14

3x divorced I think it's probably something with you. You're choosing the wrong women. Doesn't sound like you're suited for it which is fine, neither am I.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/26 09:28 PM
3

I deleted any photos I had of her on my phone and any photos of her on all of my social media. I have zero pictures of her in my house. Just me and my kids. Just deleted her from my life. Blocked her and her family on all socials.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/26 09:25 PM
3

I pay $2k alimony and no child support. 2 of my kids are over 18 and the other lives with me pretty much 99% of the time.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/26 09:22 PM
11

Gents, by the time they ask they've been planning for a while. It's over and now the best thing you can do is accept it and protect yourself. It hurts. It sucks. But now it's business.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 06:20 PM
4

💯 pump and dump
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 05:32 PM
4

You gotta respect her wishes. However, you absolutely HAVE to not let the threat of taking the kids stand. That's what you fight on. Let her get run through. She's over you. Focus on being a Dad and improve yourself in every facet.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 04:05 PM
8

So anytime they do this, there's another man. It's their code. Go get tested for STIs. She's plotted against you for over a year. Fuck her.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 11:11 AM
3

My ex wanted me to get one and I never did. I was mid 30s and didn't wanna fuck up my plumbing. I heard too many horror stories. My ex ended up getting her tubes tied. We divorced 8 years later and I got a vasectomy because I was absolutely not having anymore kids as a kid 40s single dad.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 09:49 AM
3

I'd just keep doing your hobbies. I guarantee you'll find a woman who is into those. One of the things that I worked on post separation and divorce was boundaries. Meaning what I will accept and not accept in a relationship. It's much easier to set expectations early than not.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 09:41 AM
21

Whenever they say they "want to find themselves" it's just code for wanting strange dick and the permission to hoe around for a while.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 01:59 AM
4

One thing to remember, you may want a vacation and you'll need her to watch the kids. I know these women are crazy but sometimes we gotta work within the constraints we have. Not saying thank you or even giving a thank you gift is straight cunty of her. My ex helped with some logistics for my last vacation and we definitely brought her some thank you gifts back.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 08:36 PM
5

Bro, do you have a lawyer? There's no way you should have a two year ban on seeing your kids unless there's some serious shit that happened. No judge would grant that long of a term unless there was evidence. If you don't have a lawyer, get one today. I would not pay $100 an hour for a visit. Something ain't right here
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 08:34 PM
3

Before I found the affair, I asked her to do couples counseling. We did two sessions and after the second one I knew something was up. The way she talked and had no cares. Just saying the most ridiculous shit. I went myself to four sessions. First was with a younger guy who was nice but had no connection with me. He'd never been married, had no kids. I asked for another counselor. My second was a woman who again, was not married, did not have kids. Did three sessions with her and realized I wasn…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 06:28 PM
2

Caught my wife cheating one month after our 20th. Have three older teens. It was rough for me and my kids for the first 6 months. She moved out and I maintains full custody. It will absolutely impact your kid. You'll need to be mindful and on top of managing that new dynamic. Other than that, I sold our old cars, bought the truck and sports car I always wanted. Got rid of a ton of shit in the house and enjoy life now. Do what I want when I want. Have a great girlfriend who is an upgrade from my …
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 02:43 PM
6

My buddy dealt with this and he had to take her back to court. His ex would schedule sporting events for their kids on his time. She'd sign them up for summer camps during his time. Basically anything she could do to impact his time with the kids. She wouldn't communicate or answer him on texts or emails. Took her to court and had the parenting agreement amended to say that any impacts on his time would be counted against her and he would recoup that time the following month. And if she continue…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 12:58 PM
2

You need to get it in writing about the property. You've only been married 6 years and the property isn't in your name so it should be safe. You've only never now though. Once a lawyer gets his books into her, he'll fill her head with craziness.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 11:22 AM
3

I'd bounce as well, especially with no kids. Fuck wasting another. Get out before you knock her up and have to pay some child support for the next 18 years. You only live once. Be miserable with her or see what else is out there.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 11:20 AM
2

Horse girls can be fun but they're all very crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/26 03:15 PM
4

What helped me was getting rid of all her stuff. Pictures, anything she ever gave me. Blocked her on all socials. Key is among sure she takes all her clothes. Some will play a game and leave stuff on purpose to give them a reason to come back. Box that shit up and put it out front.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/26 02:37 PM
11

My #1 concern would be what kinda nasty STDs she's probably collected. If the kids were grown and out of the house, not gonna lie, I'd be tempted for a round of grudge fucking.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 06:18 PM
8

Fuck no you're not wrong. Your guy was right from the get go. She's done with you. Harsh to say but if she's putting this much effort into AND dragging your kids out as cover, she's piece of shit and you deserve better.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 04:53 PM
2

Is this agreement you made with her in writing and was it reviewed by a lawyer? If not, you're at risk. She could deny that agreement was in place.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 01:53 PM
1

Sit down with her and have a heart to heart. Are you done? Is she done? Are you both done? If there's resentment and you're sleeping in different beds, coupled with disrespect, that's not an ideal situation. All those kids are old enough to know that both of you're are not in a good place. If you both don't feel the love, talk about the logistics of separation and get a legal separation knocked out. Doesn't mean you have to get divorced but it will protect you both if that's the route you plan t…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 01:44 PM
10

You gotta trust your gut on this.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 10:43 AM
4

Shit man that's not a bad deal. Child support ends at a certain date, alimony is forever. I'm not paying CS but I'm on the hook for alimony for life which is dumb as fuck.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 01:50 AM
5

My ex did a lot of the shopping. I have full custody of my three teens. Don't sweat making crazy meals. These kids know what they like. Mac and cheese, chicken nuggies, spaghetti. Take him with you and have him point out things he likes. Use the time to teach him how to cook as well.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 03:26 PM
3

You need to audit the finances and see who really spends the money. My ex was always on me about saving money. We could never save enough. I had a gym membership and that was it. After I spent time going through our account, it was evident to see the spending she was doing. $500 a week at target. Subscription out the ass for environmental friendly cleaning products, Amazon orders DAILY! Bro I pay her a couple thousand in alimony a month and I have more money than when she lived with me. Thats wi…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 02:30 PM
7

Brother, get rid of her. She sounds like a miserable bitch and she cheated on you. It's gong to hurt. You obviously love her. But she went and fucked another man very easily and got knocked up. That's the ultimate betrayal. Kick her to the curb.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 02:20 PM
5

I guess it depends on what is on the table. If you concede now, is there a chance she comes back for more? Before I found my ex's affair, I was extremely reasonable and was going to be paying a lot in child support and other things. When I found the affair it become hostile and I used that leverage to secure custody of all three kids and no child support. Only have to pay alimony. Look at the long term and if you do concede you need to get it in writing that this is it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 12:43 PM
3

I feel your pain. Fucking sucks living under the same roof. I hope she gets her shit together and you guys can move on.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 09:47 PM
3

I highly recommend you consult a lawyer first especially in California.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 09:03 PM
5

If you're separated why the hell does she still have access to your finances? That's crazy and major oversight. I recommend you talk to a lawyer because if this has been the status quo I'm sure she's gonna ask wtf is up. What does your separation agreement say? It should spell out what you owe and for how long.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 08:37 PM
2

That's insane
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 03:52 PM
5

Dude is saying he wants to seriously wants to date. He wants hobbies. Food, insurance, property taxes, cell phone. Easy to blow $4k
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 03:52 PM
2

I think it's a great idea. My buddy got hit with a fake DV claim. It's been proven unfounded but he's been dealing with it for almost three years now. Crazy how a simple call that was later unfounded can ruin a man.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 02:15 PM
3

I don't know where you live but $4k a month seems kinda low to live on as a bachelor. Especially if you have any hobbies or want to do dating. Even with a house paid off.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 02:07 PM
3

Oh man collect some evidence and ruin that fool.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 10:09 PM
2

It will prevent unwanted pregnancies or accidents.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 10:08 PM
3

Be very thankful you didn't spend 20 years with her and then owe her retirement I like I do. Don't knock anymore women up. In fact, freeze some sperm and get a vasectomy. Don't get married again. You'll enjoy life a lot more.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 09:29 PM
3

I think the real victory is that he's with your ex cause he sounds like a total clown. They can be clowns together. Def don't advise hitting him. Just goes downhill from there
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 09:18 PM
2

I hear you
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 07:43 PM
6

Some of those leftovers do amazing things in bed. Don't gotta marry them or move in. But you can test drive them all the time.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 07:40 PM
4

The ladies love the the drug addicted, broke loser dudes. Ultimately they love getting treated like shit and rag dolled. That's my theory.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 06:45 PM
1

It should definitely be changed when one party is responsible for ending the marriage. It's not fair to build for 20 years, decide to fuck a rando, THEN be rewarded with permanent alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 04:42 PM
3

It's not. Alimony is for life. Spousal support is for a fixed amount of time and expires.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 01:10 AM
8

Mine was a straight killer. She was a straight shooter on everything. Told me if I listened to her I'd be free and clear in 12 months. I maintained custody of three kids, the marital home, and only on the hook for alimony. No spousal support or child support.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 07:59 PM
1

You're going to have to be up front with the next ladies about those desires. If they're not on board then move to the next. I promise you'll find them.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 05:14 PM
9

I'd say you dodged a bullet because that woman has some serious issues. However you are right that these women will go at lengths to find any and all information. I dated one woman for a couple months and her sister was the admin of the local "are we dating the same guy" Facebook page. Her sister put my photo on there and asked the ladies for "tea." This lady was legit my first date after separation so there wasn't any tea but they will Facebook you, check your LinkedIn, everything.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 10:18 AM
2

Extremely common especially for divorced women.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 04:38 PM
2

Almost all of them had fake tits which are great but I they really made appreciate real tits. Fake tits look great in clothes but something about the real thing is better
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 03:45 PM
11

That's all the info you need. She wants your paycheck and benefits.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 03:14 PM
2

The rest did everything but that.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 02:39 PM
10

My ex has always been hot. Spanish Latin hot. When I caught her cheating she moved out fairly quick. I saw her a couple months later and she'd lost maybe 15 pounds and toned up. She looked amazing. While she looked great, I was really sad that she couldn't do that for me. Why not get for for your husband who gave you a great life and the ability to stay home? Literally wanted for nothing. She still looks great. Saw her at kids graduation this weekend but the attraction isn't there. She cheated w…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 07:59 PM
6

Really depends on your state and what the common law marriage laws are. Is the breakup contentious?
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 02:43 AM
5

Wow that is crazy af. I'm sorry man
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 12:08 AM
9

We did one round of marriage counseling after I found the affair. In there she told the counselor I wasn't her soul mate. Hearing that after 20 years was hard. Helped with closure though.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 09:15 PM
2

All the women I met at first I never brought them home. I always went to their place because I have full custody of three teens. I'd just say hey, I really don't introduce anyone to my kids until we've go to know each other. That worked for me. I went to their places every time. Some of them even wanted to hook up in my truck which was fine with me.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 05:32 PM
4

I really wanted to start looking at options as well but had to wait until my ex was out of the house then it was game on. You will easily get dates. I promise. It's like shooting fish in a barrel.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 05:11 PM
6

I would not date until you have your own place. I don't think the ladies would look favorably on that and word spreads through the online dating community. Get an apartment or a house first then start slaying the ladies.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 04:53 PM
20

Same thing happened to me. Married 20 years. Safe, stable, financially secure, everything. She said she didn't feel like herself anymore, she didn't feel fun. What she really meant was that she wanted to fuck her co-worker in random parking lots in town during their lunch breaks. People have asked me the same thing. Id never take her back. She got a percentage of my retirement as well and thankfully nothing more.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 04:45 PM
1

Insane.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 02:57 PM
8

So she was most likely seeing dude before she asked for separation. When they move on quick like that it's because someone was waiting in the wings.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 01:16 PM
2

Once she's out of the house, that's when the real healing begins. You won't have to see or hear her. You won't be anxious coming home or wondering who she's talking to. It will still be hard for a bit but when she's out of the house, it'll slowly get better. My advice, make sure all of her shit is out. Do not allow her to store her shit there it come back for shot for months on end. When she's out, she's out.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 11:30 AM
2

There are a ton of 50 year olds. A ton! Use Facebook dating. It's free and probably the best one especially for the older crowd. I'm 45 and it worked well for me. You will need to have some thick skin though for online dating. Lots of flakes and fakes.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 09:45 AM
7

Divorced since March and separated for 14 months before that. The apps were fun for a while. Definitely a rush getting back out there. Majority of the women just doom scroll on the apps and use it for validation. Not many are serious. They're all scandalous and will drop those panties on the first date. Fun at first but like you said, would be nice to build with a like minded woman. I just don't think they exist.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 02:04 AM
2

If she's doing shady money stuff you need to record it and use it as evidence. Those are marital funds, assuming you're not legally separated. If you have an attorney I highly recommend you consult and then present the information to her attorney. Hopefully you can figure it out without having to get it in front of a judge. Now is it worth it? Really depends on your situation which we don't know anything about. In my case, I took a financial hit in the short term to get her out of the house and …
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 05:32 PM
1

Absolutely truth.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 04:44 PM
2

Haha yes
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 04:25 PM
5

So damn true. All their friends are getting tit jobs so they are too.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 04:09 PM
11

They usually prefer felons with drug habits who beat them. Also broke felons who beat them but are also 6'3
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 04:01 PM
1

You need to have something in there about dating. Agree on how to introduce New Romantic partners. Are those romantic partners criminals or pedos. Look at the stats of abuse for boyfriends.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 03:52 PM
1

Good luck with those Oregon commie judges.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 12:05 PM
1

Talk to your buddies in LE and the FD. They will give you recommendations as well as Google reviews. I found my lawyer through a recommendation of a friend and it worked out well for me. You want to get a legal separation signed as fast as you can. Something that protects you and her from each other. With kids under 10 and her already slinging that poon around, you're going to want to establish some very clear rules around her bringing strange men around your kids. With three kids under 10 you'r…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 10:30 AM
3

Ya and they are easy to get. Just tell your doc you're having issues staying hard. I pay like $5 for 30 every month.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 12:58 AM
3

No. Different dude. The guy she is with now is a good dude and not the cause of anything.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 11:51 PM
2

100%
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 10:22 PM
4

Never marry for starters. If you cohabitate, don't mix finances. Don't save anyone.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 08:22 PM
3

It's performance anxiety. Married 20 years and never had dick issues. Met this new girl and my dick died 3 separate times. Once I got comfy AND started on Cialis I haven't had one issue.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 04:43 PM
2

If you're putting your hands on him, you're ultimately going to lose. That's what they want you to do. Lose your cool, do something stupid, then lose all access to your kids. Hire a lawyer. Hire someone to Film the interactions. File a harassment claim when you have enough evidence
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 03:37 PM
2

Get a lawyer today and that lawyer will get you straight on everything. If she is pregnant and it's yours, then there will be discussions. You are married and she is technically missing and supposedly pregnant with your child, do a police report. I think a judge would look at you and wonder why you don't file a missing persons case.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 03:33 PM
2

100% take the cash and get it over with. You'll lose some but you'll be done and free. If she loses the house that's on her. Only issue is if it affects your kids - if she loses the house.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 02:15 PM
19

Mine said the same exact shit. She said she just wanted to be alone which translated to her fucking her co-worker.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 12:38 PM
4

I love this haha
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 12:38 PM
6

Single parent here with all three kids living with me full time. One in college, one in high school, and one in middle school. 1 piece of advice - the kids have to help with the house and that is non negotiable. If my kids don't, I take money out of their accounts. My oldest college kid was being lazy and not helping so I removed her from the family cell plan. Told her next step she's off insurance. Money is a great motivator. Definitely need to have the older ones help especially since they can…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 12:32 PM
6

Sorry my man. There's gonna be a lot of feels. It's okay to experience all of those emotions. Give yourself grace.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 11:25 AM
7

I hear you and I was there. Caught my ex in an affair with her co-worker and had to wait for her to get an apartment and move out. For 90 days I slept in the guest room while she texted and FaceTimed her pos loser affair partner. I wanted to do harm to both of them but I have three kids and I don't want to get fucked in prison. Do I bit my tongue and held out for 90 days. It was brutal. But, she's gone and another dudes problem now.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 10:30 AM
2

Everything I've read and experienced, the woman usually checks out years before the man and spends those years planning her exit. Dude is just doing his life, working, providing, while the woman has been scheming with her hens.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 08:27 PM
2

So what I learned is that these women move fast. I took a bunch out and was doing the gentleman thing. Every single one of them wanted to get it on much sooner than I anticipated. Granted I have three teens at my house so I can't be bringing strange poon to the house but I was definitely surprised at how fast they wanted to hook up. Once I figured it out it was fun for a while but definitely got overwhelmed fast with multiple women. I won't deny it though, the chase was fun.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 06:22 PM
1

Everyone is different and there's no timeline. My kids are with me full time and I kept the marital home and all animals. That being said, I was at the grocery store yesterday and there's a specific brand of salsa and chips my ex and I would always get. We'd watch a movie and chow down. Seeing that bag made me think about that memory. I got a little in my feels but just understand that's normal. I can be a smell, song, food, anything. For me, we were married 20 years. Most of it good. But she de…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 05:41 PM
5

Ya man it's insane. I put her through college as well. Never had to work until then end when kids were teens and only because she wanted to. I'm lucky I only had to pay some of my retirement. I have friends getting absolutely hosed with child support, spousal support, and a bunch of other shit. There's gotta be a spouse handbook they all share.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 03:33 PM
1

I went through this about 18 months ago. You have to document everything. A full forensic deep dive. But...judges are scum bags and they love to side with cheating whores. Just be advised that you'll probably not get the closure you want. Yes, she busted up the family but now you gotta move on. You have to document everything. EVERYTHING!
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 12:37 PM
3

I'd record it and then file a restraining order.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 11:23 AM
10

Absolutely. My wife planned her exit for over 12 years. Waited until I retired from the military and then until we hit the 20 year marriage mark. One month after our 20th she blows it up with an affair and now I pay her for life. Very sad but that's how they roll.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 11:20 AM
6

He's a teen you gotta give him some grace. My daughter is graduating high school and decided she didn't want to do a family trip with the rest of us and wants to spend time with her friends before college. Totally understandable and I did the same thing at her age. Give him some space and I think you'll be fine.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 11:18 AM
3

Absolutely this. They definitely exist.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 11:15 AM
3

💯 hotel
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 10:47 AM
2

When I was talking about our next move and she said I could move but she would stay. And that she only wanted sex once and year and that she would not give oral anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 03:29 AM
1

Man if you're good at dancing you will kill the ladies. I see dudes who are absolutely slay women from two step bars. SLAY! Sounds like you got it figured out. Just stay the course and get that divorce decree.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 06:08 PM
13

Similar story except for the single mom Part. 20 years I coached all the sports teams and went Dad mode hard. Sacrificed everything for the family. Put her through college and supported every little side hustle Money pit she wanted to try. Ultimately she decided that sleeping with a convicted felon was the right move. Divorced now and dating. What I've found is that these women are scandalous and just want to get ragdolled by anyone who pays attention to them. Funny because at a school event I s…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 06:00 PM
3

I'm pretty sure I'm the only one banged Sydney Sweeny in high school
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 04:49 PM
4

Do you have any kind of legal agreement in place? Are you legally separated yet? If not you will continue to be controlled and fucked over financially. Regardless of the situation, you cannot lose your cool around her in any fashion. Text, email, voice messages. That can and will be weaponized against you. Get a lawyer and protect yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 03:37 PM
2

That's some serious stress on both of you. Not easy for even the best of marriages. If you're both unhappy then sit down and figure out how to handle the separation. You're gonna have two new households and that means numerous things depending on how much you two make and where you live. If you're both unhappy and agree that you want to separate, you'll obviously need draw up a separation agreement that spells out money, property, and custody. Do a google search and talk to friends who've been d…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 01:19 PM
2

I think that's the best strategy.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 12:32 PM
5

I feel close sometimes. I just have zero tolerance for fake drama and I think she mistakes my calmness for lack of passion.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 11:25 AM
3

I hear you. My divorce was finalized in March after a 14 month separation. I've dated a few women and have been exclusive with a woman for 8 months now. I was up front with her about my time, hobbies, and family. I hunt, fish, workout, and generally enjoy time alone doing those things. She is somewhat understanding and we have a decent communication system. Just use Google Calendar a lot to make sure we both know what we're doing. I'm mid 40s and feel the same as you. I'm making more money and h…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 11:01 AM
6

I was very into the family life and we did everything together. Food, sports, movies. Everything. You gotta move on and make new friends. Join a local sports team or find a hobby. Sucks at first but for your own happiness it'll be best.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 08:55 PM
7

Been officially divorced for three months after a 14 month separation. Infidelity on her part. Even though she cheated it took me a solid six months to be completely over it. I just woke up one day and instead of listening to sad songs on the way to work o started listening to sports radio and good music.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 08:35 PM
1

Don't pay for any app. It's a scam. Use fb dating. Free and easy.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 08:10 PM
2

Damn that sucks. Wish I could help. If you have any questions DM me. I was fairly successful on the apps.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 04:37 PM
2

How are your pictures? Current? What I will tell you is that these women and their friends will Google you. They will do a full forensic deep dive on you and look for anything. I've had them find my ex-wife's social media to find old pictures of me. I say this because if you're perpetrating a fraud with your pictures, they will find out.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 03:05 PM
17

There's someone else and she's been planing this for a while. Go get a full STI panel done at planned parenthood or your doctor. Do not sleep with that woman. You need to secure a lawyer asap. Today. You better figure out your finances quickly as well.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 12:43 PM
1

It's a vicious cycle because if you're not taking care of yourself then you're a diminished version of yourself and not the best you can be for your son. I have three kids and did Dad mode hard as hell. Coached all their teams, volunteered for all their school stuff. I probably went overboard on Dad stuff and did not prioritize my ex-wife and our marriage. That being said, you gotta balance Dad life and your life. Make time for both. It's hard to balance but don't feel bad for doing stuff that y…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 12:34 PM
1

It's just gonna be hard with a 2 year old. Not impossible, just a little hard. I'd focus on quality over quantity at this point. You don't have to take him for overnights. Work with the ex and ask if you can take him to the playground for an hour or the park. For example, take him on the swing-set at a park a few hours before work. You're gonna have to be creative. But it's extremely hard at that age. They can't do shit themselves and they wear you out quick because you have to have eyes on them…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 11:05 AM
3

I'd say that shift is pretty rough for a 2 year old because on your day off it's hard to switch from being a night guy to a day guy for your kid.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 10:21 AM
1

Married 20 years. Caught her having an affair with her co-worker. Took me a solid 6 months to move on. Soon as I found the affair it was over for me but it did take some time. My kids at the time were 18, 16, 12.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 01:02 AM
2

I was the same. Married for 20 years and had three teens when I found my wife's affair. I was extremely proud of our family and our marriage. Was the marriage perfect? No, no marriage is and our problems were very minuscule compared to others. At least o thought so. My mistake was jumping back into the dating world too fast. We'd been separated 6 months and she'd moved out fairly soon. Hindsight, I wish I would've not done that. It was fun to go on dates and have fun with women but I wish I woul…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 05:45 PM
3

You're giving up way too much.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 02:44 PM
2

Takes long because it's a business for cities, counties, and the lawyer lobbyists.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 02:50 AM
2

Ya man. Brutal
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 02:31 AM
3

Dude yes!
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 02:30 AM
4

She would not touch me or sit near me. Would go to bed without telling me. Told me that she was okay with having sex once a year and that she didn't really need it. Said she won't give oral sex anymore. That last part was funny because when I found the affair she was absolutely doing everything with that dude. I also noticed she started wearing sexy underwear to work which she never did.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 12:47 PM
5

Do what makes you happy. You don't have to date or pursue women. Dive into a hobby. Work on you.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 12:45 PM
3

You really can't until you're out of the house or she is. It's like having a black cloud over you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 06:44 PM
12

Even though I pay $2k alimony a month and maintain custody of all three kids, I have more money being divorced. Amazing how saving money is easy when there's not a steady flow of Amazon boxes and other BS being bought.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 03:27 PM
8

My best advice is understand that you're going the the grief process and that timeline is different for everyone. And it's totally normal to feel that way. 53 is young man. Take care of mind, body, and soul. Do things that make you happy. Don't chase women. When you're in a good spot they will fall into your lap.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 03:45 PM
8

Money ain't everything. Your kids are in college and they can start to feel what adulting is. Just be the best dad you can be and please understand being a great Dad isn't tied to spending massive amounts of money.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 10:14 AM
2

If she cloned your phone you need to assume she has access to everything to include email. I'd start a fresh phone account and a new email. Contact a lawyer today.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 08:03 PM
13

You cannot let your ex run your business, brother.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 01:52 PM
1

Unfortunately gotta play the game. Take a short term loss for a long term gain.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/26 07:21 PM
1

I was lucky because my cheating wife WANTED her own phone line so she could whore around and not have me see who she was calling.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/26 07:10 PM
3

Soon as I found the affair it was off. Kept it in a drawer in my bathroom for a while. I began to feel like it had a weight to it like a curse. It felt evil to me. It no longer represented what it did. Threw it off a bridge on my way to work one day.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/26 07:06 PM
2

Get a casual girlfriend or throw in some dates to spice life up. Whatever hobbies you had before, do them again.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 11:18 PM
2

You need to physically go to the court house and talk with the clerks. Buffer them up, be nice, professional and they'll set you straight.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 11:17 PM
1

I don't know the laws in PA but if you haven't consulted an attorney yet, I highly recommend you do that first. Especially with kids involved. You ultimately want your kids to see a healthy relationship, which you don't have with your wife. That's fine. Get with an attorney. Get yourself and your kids protected. You need to have a complete understanding of your assets, debts, liabilities, 401k, cars, whatever you and your wife have. This will help the attorney in your first meeting give you an i…
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 11:15 PM
5

Congrats!
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 11:09 PM
1

You're not failing them. You're showing them that relationships sometimes don't work out and it's okay to leave.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 06:34 PM
1

💯 this is the way. You share a child but you gotta protect yours. You sacrificed so she could work. Now get paid for it
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 06:13 PM
3

Perfectly normal to feel all that. What helped me was get rid of anything she ever gave me. Anything to include clothes. I deleted every photo I had of her. Removed her from all socials and blocked her. Blocked her entire family. I just cut her out of everything. Granted we still have to talk about our kids but they are older and it's just business between us. No fighting or anything. She wished me a happy birthday. I wished her a happy Mother's Day.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 05:32 PM
1

Divorced but kept the marital home. Anything that she bought or gave to me, I threw out. That included a really nice coffee espresso machine. All of her decorations I threw away. The mountains of boxes for every single season are gone. It's taken me almost a year to get rid of all the junk. Not because I'm attached to it but because after 20 years there was so much shit
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 05:06 PM
2

The apps are very easy. It's like shooting fish in a barrel. The one I've been with for the past 9 months was an organic connection. No apps. Friend of a friend introduced us. But I do agree, organic is not common anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 05:04 PM
2

Absolutely part of the process. Been divorced now for about 3 months after a 12 month separation. I was married for 20 years so certain sounds, smells, songs, movies, places we travelled to, always make me think and remember. I dont ruminate on it but those memories are there. I experience it and continue on. Go slow on the dating. My mistake was going all in and dating several women at once. I was fun as hell but holy shit it was stressful. If I do it again, I'd be very upfront about expectatio…
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 03:51 PM
2

They'll eventually ask. Just shoot straight with them.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 03:34 PM
2

My two teen girls put it together pretty quick. Maybe a few weeks after we told them they wanted to ask me some questions. They knew without me telling them. The kids are smart man. They are listening and watching all the time.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 02:54 PM
9

Man this was so hard for me when we did it. I hadn't found the affair at this point. Just believed her that she was unhappy. All three of my teens cried. It was hard to watch and pisses me off my ex put me in that situation.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 02:14 PM
6

No man. Move on and let her go.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 02:12 PM
2

Heading out of town with my GF for some fun beach action and fishing.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 01:58 PM
3

We had made some plans to do something and I called her and said I'm not going to go. She'd been traveling for work a lot and we hadn't seen each other in a few weeks. I didn't really miss her at all and had no strong desire to see her. Just said I think whatever we have has run its course. She was a lot of fun, great sex, but she loved about 2 hours away and I really wasn't into driving that distance. She was upset but took it like a pro. She actually texted me out of the blue the other week to…
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 10:43 AM
4

I don't walk on egg shells in my own house. No anxiety knowing she was coming home soon and would lose her shit about something. Basically the freedom to do what I want when I want with who I want.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 05:04 PM
9

Absolutely not. No fucking way. I just got my divorce decree and came out fairly clean. I don't think I even want to live with another woman. I love my peace now.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 06:20 PM
11

You just gotta trust your gut. I was married for 20 years and hindsight I should’ve divorced her 10 years prior but I stuck around for the kids. Basically being a martyr. She won't change. But I guarantee the first dude that comes around and does make her "feel something" she'll be fucking him in the parking lot like my ex. They are irrational creatures for the most part. Trust your gut. You only live once. You can continue down this path for another 5-10 or get out now while you're in the prime…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 06:19 PM
7

Got separated in Feb 2025 and started using the apps in June. Was fairly easy to land some dates and casual hookups. I also got a vasectomy because my kids are all older and there's no way I was going to risk another kid. I dated one woman for a few months. Nothing serious. She was a lot of fun, no kids, but I was not feeling anything long term with her. Been dating another woman for almost 9 months. She's fun but I'm feeling it's coming to an end soon. I have zero stomach for manufactured drama…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 03:50 PM
3

Agree with what the others have said so far. My ex did the same thing. Basically froze me out sexually and would shut down intimacy. Ultimately she cheated with a co-worker and that was the nail in the coffin. Wish I had left 10 years earlier. My advice to all men now is never get married. If you do, make damn sure you have a pre-nup and revise it every couple years.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 01:55 PM
2

I never call her unless it's an emergency. I will text her if I'm taking the kids somewhere over night or some kind of travel so she has a heads up. That's not spelled out in our agreement it's just a courtesy. I don't wish her a happy birthday. I did wish her a happy Mother's Day and paid for spending that the kids did for her. She sent me a happy Father's Day message that was 100% crafted by Ai. Unless it's kids, we don't talk. She's not my person and I'm not hers.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 11:51 AM
-2

It's nice to see the Beta male still lives.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 01:49 PM
-5

Your first mistake was trying to debate a woman on anything. They are not logical creatures. The woman I'm dating now is liberal. I'm conservative. I don't even try to debate with her. Just let her run her mouth about orange man bad then get back to normal life.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 11:38 AM
1

I've been told yes and no. Because it's military retirement I may not be able to cancel it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 06:22 PM
3

I'm losing $2k a month from my retirement for the rest of my life. I'm 45. She cheated but was awarded part of my retirement.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 11:48 AM
8

100% agree with you. I'll never marry again or move in with one.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 11:34 AM
6

You just need to come to terms with that woman not being your wife anymore. Shes just flesh and bones now with a chicken brain. I never thought my wife of 20 years would cheat but here I am now divorced. Accept it and move on. Will it take time? 100% it will take time. Just be the best Dad you can be for your girl.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 07:17 PM
2

Unless your boy did something completely unhinged like hurt her daughter, there's no reason she should be freaking out.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 04:30 PM
2

My wife cheated on me after 20 years and was super excited to start her new life. Went apartment shopping and everything.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 02:02 PM
1

My ex-wife is the one that moved out and I let her take what she needed just to speed the process. I even helped load her U-Haul and drove it to her apartment and lugged all her shit up 4 flights of stairs. That's how bad I wanted her cheating ass out. In the end you can get all that shit on FB marketplace for cheap.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 11:53 AM
2

Before you do, go talk with a lawyer. You want to go in fully armed with all the info before you ask for a divorce. Hopefully you don't have kids with her. Brother no sex for a year and silent treatment is criminal. You can fuck a different woman every week on Facebook dating. Leave that miserable woman and enjoy your life.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 11:32 AM
2

I'd pay for a complete blood panel to see what's up. Also, what's your BMI? If you're overweight it just makes everything worse.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 12:46 AM
2

Just protect yourself legally. Get an STI exam. Then work on your mind, body, spirit, and make some good money. Enjoy doing things YOU want to do.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 10:18 PM
2

Just make sure you double wrap it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 09:00 PM
3

Bro you got an adult kid and you're debt free. Life is too short to put with that shit. Go find a woman who actually loves you.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 05:45 PM
13

She waiting until you retired. She's been planing for a while.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 05:14 PM
5

Sorry you're going through it. It does suck. Just know that it'll take some time. Make sure you protect yourself legally. Make sure you take care of yourself physically, mentally, and spiritually.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 01:32 PM
5

About month 7 into the separation I started playing the field. Hooked up a lot. Was fun but got overwhelming very quick. Met a woman through a friend and we've been together for about 8 months now. Definitely won't marry again or live with a woman ever. Love my freedom.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 02:09 AM
7

I enjoy going out with a woman everything that comes along with it. One thing I won't do is get married again, have another kid (vasectomy), or move in with a woman.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 01:48 PM
14

She most like is fucking another dude. Sad but most likely true. Lawyer up immediately. She's not your wife or friend anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 04:08 PM
5

She definitely got you with the baby hook line and sinker.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 02:54 PM
5

I try to be in the gym at least 3-4 times a week. Generally take care of myself with good sleep habits. Keep the house clean. I have full custody so I'm a parent full time - but the kids are all older.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 01:00 PM
5

I was at that same time - 6 or 7 months - and once day I just was over it. Stopped listening to sad music on the way to work and turned on sports talk radio again.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 11:56 AM
1

Same issue with me. Had no issues when married. Could get off easily. Divorced a year now and slept with a few women and I can go for 30-45 minutes easily. That's not really fun for anyone on a consistent basis.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 03:05 PM
3

Don't know why grown men downvote my response. Not only is having kids in your bed bad for marriage sex life, it's bad adult sleep and bad for kids not getting use to sleeping alone.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 06:28 PM
-1

The kids are 6 and 4. That's not sleeping in parents bed age. Sure, watch a movie but regularly sleeping in the parents bed, Hell no.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 11:42 AM
-3

Man I know the kids probably feel safe but at this stage they need their own beds and should've been in their own beds.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 04:39 PM
2

Have you thought about bringing a volunteer cis h? So many young kids need great role models.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 01:04 PM
1

Each state has a calculation for that. The courts and lawyers are familiar with it. Best advice, go pay a few hundred for a consultation and you'll get an idea of what you will be paying. Before you go, make sure you have accurate numbers for ALL debt. Have copies of her W2 and yours. There's a lot that can be negotiated here and some that can't. I'd sit down with your wife and have a heart to heart and figure out what's best. If you can come to agreement that both of you are not happy, it could…
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 02:33 PM
4

My kids were 19, 17, and 12 when we told them. Ex and I were both home and told all the kids to come downstairs. Therapist recommended we did not pre-plan a family meeting that night so they would freak out about what we were going to tell them. So it was more an impromptu "hey come downstairs everyone." We straight up said we are getting divorced. This isn't your fault. We love you more than anything but we are getting divorced. We confirmed that they would not be leaving the marital home, they…
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 12:53 PM
5

It does suck at the start but it will get better. Everyone has their own unique timeline for grief. Just acknowledge that's where you're at and work through the emotions. I kept a journal and I still write in it once a week. It really helped me.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 11:22 AM
7

Jesus that's horrible. Hope your ex gets some horrible karma for that.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 06:49 PM
5

You gotta document this along with the texts. This will go a long way in court if it gets there.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 05:46 PM
6

Sucks man but I'm glad you're standing up for yourself. If you have anything of value that she can destroy, I'd move it to a friends house. Whether that's firearms, pictures, anything dear to you. Get it out of the house. You two need attorneys involved simply for the fact to put on paper what you've all verbally agreed to. You can try mediation. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 01:22 PM
6

First, document. Exact date, time, circumstance. Reference each violation as it pertains to the decree. You can file a motion to enforce or motion of contempt. Obviously research that but you get the just.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 02:22 AM
22

It happened to me. I'd just started online dating and the first woman I went on a date with showed me I was on the site. It was obviously her that posted me and she was trying to get a reaction. That being said, it did force me to really scrub my social media, my LinkedIn. I ended up keeping only one FB dating profile. Had a lot of success and then met the girl I'm with now, through a friend. Deleted all my profiles and haven't turned back. These women will search your name, find your ex, search…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 12:30 AM
3

She's still in the fog thinking she's living her best life. I just feel bad for our kids because she's basically removed herself from their lives. Has a new BF who has small kids and has basically adopted them as her new family.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 08:55 PM
5

My ex moved out of the marital home so she could continue to be a hoe without responsibilities. While she thought this would be good, the school bus for our youngest doesn't go to her new neighborhood. All the friends are here. So none of our kids really visit her.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 07:52 PM
3

Good shit! Stay strong and I wish you continue success!
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 07:50 PM
9

Bro you gotta put those kids to work. We baby the fuck out of our kids. They can absolutely help you. It would probably be good for them.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 07:41 PM
3

I feel for you being in CA with divorce. I have a friend that used the Ai perplexity with good success. Represented himself for 2+ years.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 07:40 PM
2

You need to get legally separated asap to protect yourself. That's the only reason. Come to an agreement that both want to divorce and go from there.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 06:40 PM
2

Dude I'll just go to the bar, order a burger, and watch some football or whatever is on.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 03:36 PM
5

I work on or around the house. I go try a new restaurant by myself. Go see a movie. Gym. Sometimes I enjoy it. I'll watch a movie, go to sleep early. Really try to use the time to take care of myself and reset. Reflect.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 02:49 PM
3

Dude it's gonna take time. Took me a solid 6 months to process it and move on. That was after being married for 20 and finding her affair.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 01:33 PM
2

Ya several young kids.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 12:39 PM
2

I only talk to her if it involves the kids health, safety, or school. We don't fight but I want nothing to do with her.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/26 10:29 PM
1

I'd follow whatever is in the order.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/26 10:28 PM
6

100% agree. Got a buddy that's been in a 3 year divorce process at over $150k.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/26 10:27 PM
1

Why are you letting her throw you out of the house?
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/26 12:08 AM
3

So I continued to make more money through our marriage. Got a great pension, got another job. But we could not save money because my ex would blow $500-750 a week at target, order ten things from Amazon, and just eat out whenever. Couldn't drive it home to her and when we should have been financially free, we were not. Fast forward to being just divorced after 1 year separation, I actually make more money now despite paying her $2k a month alimony and taking on all the bills for the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 05:35 PM
5

Bro it just takes some time. Took me a solid 6-7 months to process and the woke up one day, accepted where I was, and moved on.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 05:01 PM
6

Met a dude who was going through same thing as me and we've been hanging out. Super nice to bounce ideas and experiences off each other.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 02:32 PM
2

I promise you your kids want you happy, healthy, and in their lives. Be careful with the booze. Close friend had his STBX record calls he made to kids where he'd had a few drinks. Nothing bad was said but it gave the court the impression he had an issue and it prolonged the divorce AND he had to pay for testing.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 12:59 PM
3

Woman I'm dating has a decent size social circle so we've been going out with them. I'm extremely comfortable doing my own thing as well so no major social circle doesn't bother me.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/26 09:02 PM
7

I blocked her on everything. Same with her family and her close friends
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/26 06:48 PM
7

Probably not in your best interest to leave the state. I'd talk with your lawyer. See if you can prove the spending was frivolous. My buddy got separated and then the wife racked up like $50k. She got stuck with the hole thing because the had a separation agreement in place.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/26 05:14 PM
4

That's wild and I'm sorry. Like you said, thank god there are no children but that doesn't lessen the pain. Hope you have some friends and family you can rely on. If you guys can agree on terms you should be able to divorce fairly quick.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 11:30 PM
4

Do not do shit until you pay for a consultation. Everything here is just speculation. Get yours and her W2s and see what's up.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 08:00 PM
4

Always default to protecting your kid. Always. She's too young to do it herself and your wife sounds like a piece of work. You need to document all of this. You need a copy of that police report. You need a detailed memo of your call with those parents. Always email for a record and follow up with a call.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 07:13 PM
7

She ain't giving up her nail and fun money.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 06:31 PM
3

Take this opportunity to be thankful it's over quick and there's no kids. Pro tip, call girl over marriage any day.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 04:18 PM
6

100% know what you mean with the nervous system fully relaxed. Glad you're doing well!
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 12:32 PM
11

I was in your spot almost a year ago. Once I found out, I immediately contacted a lawyer. I was advised to collect as much info as possible which I did over the next 30 days. Cell phone, banking, emails. Then letter know I knew and presented her with a separation agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 10:00 PM
3

100% they are amazing. The dudes in here upset about fake tits is wild. Why are so many dudes scared or offended by fake tits?
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 08:20 PM
8

Mine did the same. Told herself we grew apart but really she just lost her mind and started fucking other men and hiding it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 04:39 PM
3

Even with a great support system it still hurts. You may want to look into a local church or support group. Definitely don't do it alone if you can help it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 04:07 PM
6

You gotta block your STBX asap for your own mental health brother. Sucks but it'll help you move on. Remember anything you say to the MIL will 100% be told to your STBX. Gotta block the whole family and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 03:56 PM
11

Just so you know, even though that CC is in your name, you're legally married and that is marital debt regardless of who spent it. You need to be extreme diligent in recording all financial transactions from both of you. Don't be a push over. Just because she has a vagina doesn't mean she gets whatever she wants. Don't be a martyr.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 12:35 PM
6

You need to believe that she means this and you've basically "lost the locker room" at this point. Whether that's your fault or she's just a nasty bitch - doesn't matter. She doesn't respect and that's very hard to come back from.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 11:09 AM
5

This is what I should've been doing for years. Take the dog for a pup cup and save money.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 01:15 AM
3

They're about to try 14-14 because the kids are asking for more stability. Both parents only live like 10 miles apart and the kids are a little older. One drives.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/26 10:11 PM
2

Man you gotta get those two adult sons to shoulder some of this labor. It's kinda bullshit they couldn't do shit for the past year like basic yard maintenance.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/26 07:13 PM
2

Girl I'm dating now does 7-7. Both parents like it and so do the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/26 06:54 PM
1

I caught her having an affair and even though it ended the marriage, we got to a separation agreement within a day or so and we finalize in a couple weeks. She moved out and it's been fairly peaceful. No major fights or accusations. Lessons - even if it's amicable, keep a detailed log of all money that's spent.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/26 03:03 PM
2

lol
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/26 12:22 PM
2

Talk to some trusted friends who've gone through the process and also look at local Facebook groups. I found mine through a friend who said he watched her in court and she was amazing. I was able to get a retainer with her and it's been a good experience so far. Everything answered and done on time.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 06:53 PM
3

You first need to consult with a lawyer who will advise you the best course of action. Married for 30 years, her with no job, you're gonna be paying something whether it's from your pension, 401k, spousal support, or all three. Bring your W2s to the consult. Know how much you owe on the house. Know all your debt. That will give you an idea. Don't try to ChatGPT this shit. Pay the few hundred for a consult and go from there.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 06:05 PM
4

Always ask for one more finger.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 05:58 PM
6

I know I was surprised at the reaction.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 04:33 PM
5

There's people of all ages and sizes in there. I go because I'm not flexible at all and it's a good workout. Go with my GF and noticed that the overwhelming majority of women in there are in great shape and gorgeous.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 04:07 PM
2

I've angered the Reddit gods
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 03:15 PM
2

I can tell you have extensive experience with women.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 02:28 PM
0

It's not about being a man. The post is about meeting women. If that doesn't get you interested, maybe go play dungeons and dragons.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 02:22 PM
-4

Check your testosterone then.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 02:14 PM
5

Preach!
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 02:13 PM
2

Have you experienced a great set of fake tits?
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 12:01 PM
2

I'm not saying creep on these ladies. I am saying intro yourself at the right time.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 12:00 PM
3

It's a hidden secret
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 12:55 AM
6

I'm 45 and love it. Get a good sweat and stretch, meet some ladies.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 12:55 AM
7

I mean obviously but you can say hi and build rapport.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 12:14 AM
1

Take them for a ride and if they have a shit attitude, go to the next.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 12:13 AM
4

I cringe at seeing these weekends swaps. Do two weeks on, two weeks off. Keep it simple.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 04:45 PM
3

Absolutely. My mind races each night. Ended up having a panic attack the first month. Never had one of those before. My doc prescribed me Hydroxzone. It's like a beafed up Benadryl. Absolute game changer and I still use it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 10:55 AM
7

You just gotta suffer it for a bit. Found my wife of 20 years cheating on me with her co-worker. We cohabited for about 3 months while she waited for an apartment to be ready. It was fucking horrible. I moved to the guest bedroom and felt like a criminal in my own house even though she blew everything up.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/26 11:34 PM
3

100% just commented about this.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/26 01:50 AM
1

Whatever you tell that therapist can be used. Just be careful.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/26 01:49 AM
2

Oops
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 06:44 PM
2

Always. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Plus how can you respect yourself after knowing that person broke their vows to you? Not only broke but shit all over them.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 06:21 PM
3

If you're at two years and this is happening, I think you have all the data you need. He's either not serious or not ready. Either way, stop wasting your time and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 01:02 PM
3

Make sure you get some recent copies of her business tax returns so you know the true amount. This will factor in to spousal and child support.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 01:10 AM
13

Man the house being spotless and no time for intimacy hits home. I called it the fake house.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 09:34 PM
2

I'd absolutely fight it. You know she'd be coming after you. Use facts. Lay them out. Make your case.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 08:07 PM
2

Do you have any kind of court order stating who is the primary resident? Is the house empty and waiting to be sold?
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 04:05 PM
6

Bro get rid of it. Toss it out the window and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 03:33 PM
7

Bro this is truly one of the only safe subs for men.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 01:22 AM
2

Every situation is different. Is it your dream home? Do you have kids in school? Do you truly want it? For me, my wife was caught cheating so she moved out. We're keeping the house until youngest is out of school in a few years. Then we sell. It was never our dream home. I'm not a fan of this state. So for me, I have zero emotional connection to the house. Just hanging on until kids are out. The house is big and there's no way I'd want it living alone.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 01:04 AM
7

This is 100% the way. These women are always looking for the next dude, regardless of what they say. Once you come to terms with that, you're good to go. Best thing to do, focus on you and what makes you happy.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 02:55 PM
12

We ended up telling them together and that it was a mutual decision. At this time I did not know about her affair. She blindsided me with divorce. My kids are all teens and older teens. They knew something was up and were able to sniff it out fairly quick. They came up to me about a month later, all three of them, and asked if it was Mom's fault and if she'd had an affair. I told them the truth at that point.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 02:54 PM
3

Trust your gut. Same situation as you but we're both in full agreement that we will never marry again.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 02:27 PM
5

The business was acquired when you were married. It's same as if she bought a car and hit the loan in her name. That's 50% your car. I hope you keep 100% of the business.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 01:04 AM
2

She was which was surprising. I caught her in an affair and my state is an at fault state so I had some significant bargaining power.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 11:34 PM
3

So many factors to consider. We both agreed to seek but wait until the kids are out of school. Keeps them in the same house, no threat to move school districts. It was never our dream home.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 11:22 PM
16

I know you don't want to hear this but if you started the business while married, she can at least have a crack at it. Depending on what state you're in and whatever commie judge you get, they might grant her something. Be prepared for that. If you used any marital funds to start that business, she has an argument for equity. It's shitty but that's how I've seen guys in your situation get the cases ruled on.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 11:18 PM
2

I haven't and probably won't. I don't want to invite any further drama into my life.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 10:04 PM
4

You can back date to any date you want if she agrees
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 05:32 PM
2

Appreciate your insight and experience.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 12:11 AM
9

I waited until she was out. It was the right call because these woman will want to talk or FaceTime you once you start dating. Also, the women you date will absolutely search for you on all platforms to include LinkedIn. Their friends will look you up. They'll find out you still live with your wife and now you're down a prospect. You could potentially taint your local dating pool. In the meantime, start working on some good pictures for the dating apps.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 07:46 PM
7

First, stop friending damn teenagers man. C'mon. Second, why would you dance with a 14 year old female? Unless you're an instructor there's really no reason for that. Even if it's innocent, it's a horrible look.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 05:11 PM
3

It was hard for us to do it. We actually told them before I found out about her cheating and after we did marriage counseling. Most important part, don't tell them you're having a family meeting tonight or you're gonna have them wondering what's up. Just tell them to come downstairs. You and your wife need to be sitting together and have a united front. Your mom and I are going to separate and divorce. This is not your fault. You're not changing schools or having to leave this home. Mom and I lo…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 05:03 PM
1

Ah I hear you on the meds. I hope your 2026 is much brighter than 2025.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 04:59 PM
4

I was the same way for a few months. Zero desire to do anything. Would just stare at my work computer. Just a shell. My kids are older but knowing I had be strong for them helped me a ton. If I spiraled, I'd end up hurting them AND me. You really have no choice other than to recognize your current situation sucks, BUT you are not the first or last person that's gone through this. Initial shock sucks and you just gotta sack up and push through. Take care of your mind, body, and spirit. Stay away …
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 04:10 PM
6

This is the only sub that is real and not full of beta cucks or man haters. You'll get real, unfiltered advice here. I got banned from one of the other divorce forums because I gave a candid answer.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 01:41 PM
3

My ex cheated and it was known. Only people I "lost" were we immediate family members. I really don't count that as a loss because they were complete scumbags. All the married couples we were friends with, I still talk with.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 12:56 PM
5

I retained the house in the divorce and will absolutely trade it to cancel alimony. Just waiting for the right time to propose the trade. Could care less about the house and even though it's gone up significantly, I could care less. I just hate having to pay alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 11:39 AM
2

Time will heal that. Just takes some time.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 11:38 AM
13

The blind side is usually an indication of an affair. I didn't believe but once I uncovered it, everything made sense. If you have a shared cell phone plan, pull up the bills for the past 6 months and go through every number and she's called and texted. You'll find your answer there. Remember, these women plan to deceive.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 11:12 AM
5

How is she doing that? That should be spelled out in your agreement with her.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 08:17 PM
8

100% just a validation for her and it's really a sign of weakness on her part. She's showing everyone she made the "right" move and she's so happy. 100% validation and means nothing. My ex used to do that. She'd post a selfie on FB and get all the praise from her chicken head friends. Did she ever send that to me? Nope.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 05:35 PM
4

I was. Circumstances were that she could not pick up our kid or drop him off at school because of her work. She had an affair and agreed to move out. I kept the marital home which has the bus stop within a block.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 10:18 PM
4

What did you do and enjoy before you met your wife? Go back to that. Reconnect with old friends. Join adult sports leagues.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 07:22 PM
2

8 years and no kids, I think you'd be relatively good to go. Biggest question, does she work? If not and she stays at home, you may be on the hook for spousal support for maybe a year or two. Get all your financial stuff in order and get a consultation with a lawyer to figure out what you could be on the hook for. Sit down with your wife and tell her how you want to split things. Negotiate from there
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 03:33 PM
2

You need to understand the financial piece. W2s for both of you, investments, cars, animals, kids, cars. Once you have an accurate idea of debts and assets, you can bring that to a lawyer. Together you draft a separation agreement and get her to sign it. It's important that she have her own lawyer review it as well. If not, it could later be seen as signing under duress and thrown out. Separation agreement is way to go. Makes you legally two different people, protects both of you, and lets you s…
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 11:35 AM
9

I agree with the other guys here, you're giving her way too much info and now she's weaponized it.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 11:30 AM
2

Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 11:08 AM
3

You need some kind of separation agreement in place asap that spells out what the plan is with the house and how the equity will be split. Good news is all the kids are adults. If you want to stay in the house, offer to buy her out. If not, sell and get a smaller space. Either way, get something in writing soon. If she's not contributing to the mortgage, repairs, maintenance, that will increase your equity.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 08:05 PM
5

Definitely guard it. I hunt and fish with my boy and that time is non-negotiable. Don't care what is happening. I always make an effort to inform my GF in advance as well. She does the same for me. Sometimes will take all the kids out to dinner or Top Golf. Definitely and always protect that time.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 07:47 PM
6

Don't put your kids around low character people, period.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 06:59 PM
7

Really depends on the age of your boy. Mine is 14 and can handle himself plus his older sisters are all with me full time.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 04:25 PM
3

Your kids absolutely need their Dad. 100% need their Dad. Make those video calls with them a build from there.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 04:59 AM
3

You just need to tell him everything you said here. You just want to spend time with him. Ask him to tell you some stories about when he was a kid. Offer to make him dinner even if it's just Mac n cheese. Ask him if you can watch his favorite movie or series. He's obviously hurting but he also should not be taking it out on you. That's shitty behavior. If he can't figure out that he's being an asshole, simply tell him you'd love to spend time with him but you're not going to put up with this beh…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 02:44 AM
1

Best advice is to accurately document all of this. Get your lawyer involved. Request drug testing and maybe even CPS.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 02:33 AM
2

I agree. Thanks you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 12:05 AM
9

It's pretty damn easy man. Just take some good pictures, have a good attitude, and stick to one app. I liked Facebook dating because it's free. All the other apps will suck you dry of money. Only downside is your kids ages and your custody schedule. Get a vasectomy before you start dating because these women give it up easy and fast. You don't want more kids.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 04:53 PM
1

You need to have a complete understanding of your debts and how much you both make. If she has worked or works, you need her W2s and yours as well. Tax returns and what not. I was married for 20 and she got less than 50% of my pension. She could've got more but I had proof of adultery. She also ran up debt on a credit card and I was able to stick her with that whole card because she kept it from me.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 01:38 PM
5

I hear you. I was married for 20 and caught her cheating with a co-worker the day after Christmas last year. I would've bet my life that would never happen to me. It sucks because I very proud of my marriage especially hitting 20 years. Unfortunately she didn't feel the same and blew our family up. Took me a good 6 months to get my mind right.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 03:35 AM
5

It sucks man, not gonna lie. Totally normal to have those feelings. Think about it, process it, and be there for your kids AND yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 03:24 AM
9

My ex did the same shit. She LOVED to rage clean the house during Sunday football. I'd watch one game. My teams game. Women fucking HATE seeing a dude having a good time or relaxing. It's in their nature to be miserable.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 04:38 AM
5

Not at all. I'll be playing some video games tomorrow morning then watching football. Girlfriend has her kids and mine are visiting my ex tomorrow morning before they come see me. Enjoy your time.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 08:21 PM
5

There absolutely is. Small victories.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 03:15 PM
6

Absolutely an over spender and borderline hoarder. Can't tell you how many trips I've made to the dumps. I'm talking closests and closets full of comforters. Probably 30 boxes in the garage for seasonal decorations. Sooo much shit. She's been out of the house for almost a year and I'm still getting rid of shit. I pay her $2k monthly and I still have more money since she can't spend $1k at target every week it Amazon.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 03:00 PM
3

Like others said, depends on your unique situation. Depends on kids ages as well.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 02:57 PM
3

Really depends on how long you've been married, kids, how much property you have, how hard you wanna push for discovery on finances. Look at the last few years of your taxes. Check her W2 against yours. Meet with a lawyer first and bring everything financial.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/25 11:58 PM
2

Absolutely
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/25 10:43 PM
5

Your FB dating profile is separate from your main FB profile. However, these women are like private detectives and will snoop hard as shit to find anything. Definitely scrub your personal FB. The profile is similar to Bumble and Hinge. Main difference is that people are able to see if they have mutual friends with you.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/25 04:11 PM
4

100%
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/25 04:09 PM
4

She's okay with a dead bedroom? Fuck that. That's not fixable. Once a woman says that it's time to go.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/25 02:40 PM
5

I tried them all but had 100% of my success off Facebook dating. Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, are all designed to make money and will always try and get you to spend more and more. As a 45m, Facebook dating was excellent and FREE.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/25 12:38 PM
6

6 months into separation and with her moving out I dipped into online dating. Had a lot of success and fun. Been with one girl since late summer and it's really nice. We both have our own shit and enjoy each other's company. We both have zero desire to marry again or share a residence.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/25 11:45 AM
4

Sam situation. Married 20 and caught her having an affair. Kids were 19, 17, 12 at the time. To spare pain, we told them together that we were divorcing. Told them it was not their fault. It sucked especially knowing that she was a cheater. But at that point I put the ego aside. Your kids will figure out the truth or have a good idea what happened. Mine did and when the asked a few months later, I told them. I showed them the picture of the dude and they confirmed that my ex had FaceTime them se…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/25 04:20 PM
7

That's rough. I think it's absolutely normal to feel betrayed. I'd 100% be in my feelings as well. Just another good example of knowing that you can never trust a woman. Straight up.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/25 02:53 AM
3

My ex had her dude named as a woman.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 06:45 PM
2

There's even burner apps now so they can use on their own phone.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 06:45 PM
4

Brother same scenario as me but I did find evidence and confirmed cheating. Kids are same age as yours. Be advised, they are great at hiding the cheating. She might have a different phone or use a certain app. They will delete stuff nightly as well. Go through your cell phone bill and look at who's she's texting and calling.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 04:37 PM
6

I still think about it. But the dude is a complete scumbag, felon, abuser, and if she's that dumb to marry a guy like that, I'm not gonna risk anything to inform her.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 02:45 PM
2

Lawyer first always because everything is state dependent for the most part. When you go, make sure you have a complete understanding of your assets, debts, retirement accounts. That will help determine what maybe be owed in terms of child support, spousal support, alimony. Know how much you owe on the house. As far as the kids, no matter what you do there's going to be trauma for your kids. They will see other families together when you go out, look at old family photos. There's no way around i…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 11:45 AM
5

My in-laws are scumbags and absolutely wouldn't care. I didn't come very close to sending her employer the info. Dude she cheated with was and maybe still engaged. Thought about sending the fiancé info but decided against it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 11:41 AM
5

I'm telling you it's easy. Do you have any female friends that would look at your profile? Are you messaging girls or just waiting?
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 03:02 AM
2

I've used Stately and Stitch. Upload a few pictures of yourself, your measurements, and then select what styles you like. They will send you a box of 3-5 sets (pants, shirt, etc). Keep what you like, send back what you don't like. Pay for what you keep. It's extremely user friendly and when you upload pictures of yourself, the Ai will show you a fairly accurate picture of what the clothes will look like. I've done 4 total orders and maybe sent back only a few things. Very happy with what I've go…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 07:42 PM
5

Amen
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 05:49 PM
1

Depends on how long you plan to cohabitate for. If you're moving out soon I wouldn't sweat it. Goal is to always maintain your rights as a parent and get that divorce finalized ASAP. Sometimes you gotta eat some shit but the finalization is what matters as long as you maintain your rights as a parent.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 05:12 PM
8

My wife had at least one affair. Once we started the separation and divorce I immediately got a vasectomy. Been with a good bunch of women after and started experiencing my dick going limp about 5 mins into sex. Didn't happen all the time but enough for me to start Viagra and Cialis. Cialis has been a game changer. Just take one 5mg pill a day and I'm ready to rock whenever. Hard, hard erections too.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 05:09 PM
9

Here's the most important lesson, all these women are lying about what they want. Straight up. They have no clue and just put long term so they don't look like a hoe. Put long term on yours and just do what you want. It doesn't matter. I promise you. Long term can be 3 months or when you get tired of their BS. They will lie. It's just a giant game. Think of it as your resume. No one tells the truth and everyone over inflates.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 02:27 PM
3

Knock the dust off your old dating skills. I have three that live with me. Two in college and one in HS. I've only brought one woman home and only after we'd been dating for almost 6 months. It was slow and deliberate introducing her to the kids. Before her, I'd always go to the women's house.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 01:49 AM
3

Once you knock the dust off it's like shooting fish in a barrel.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 11:35 PM
5

Dating is easy mode especially with the apps. Dress somewhat nice and be confident and you'll slay these women. Just don't catch feelings or if you do, be ready to walk when the games start. Get a vasectomy asap. The dating scene is easy but it can get chaotic. Make sure to focus on your health and hobbies. Ladies will always be there.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 04:18 PM
3

I hear you. If you have hobbies or had hobbies, dive back into them.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 11:09 AM
2

I did the apps and had a ton of fun. Woman I'm with now was met through a friend.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 02:48 AM
3

You can always see if there's a rescue that will take them. I was lucky because I stayed in the marital home with my dog and cats. But I can see how it would be hard. Once you have it sorted, it'll be a huge load off your back.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 02:00 AM
5

It was about the 6 month mark for me. Just kinda was over it one day. Married for 20 years, 3 kids
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 01:13 AM
4

Do shit that makes you happy when you want to do it. Fishing, hunting, gym, video games, whatever man. Go see a movie, try that burger spot. It ain't bad.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 07:28 PM
2

100%
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 02:33 AM
4

Threw mine over a bridge near my house.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 11:56 PM
3

Her co-worker
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 05:37 PM
11

First red flag is getting married in the first place. But if you wanna go through with it. Here's my list. If she doesn't sign a prenuptial agreement, move on. Meet her immediate family. Understand her relationship with her parents. Fully understand this. Both of you need to be on the same page about kids. Be on the same page about how you will raise those kids. Same page with money and career. Is she going to stay at home and raise kids while you work?
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 02:16 PM
15

Finalize my divorce next month. When I caught my wife cheating last year, my next call after the lawyer was my doctor to schedule a vasectomy. As far as dating life, pretty nice knowing I can't knock anyone up. Still gotta be careful though.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 01:29 AM
3

It was fun. I have the blue pills but I've found the daily 5mg of cialis to be far superior. Viagra you gotta take before hand, empty stomach, no booze. Cialis you just take once a day and I've been fucking strong with it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 01:09 AM
2

For the most part a lot of this can be negotiated. I maintain primary physical custody and I don't pay child support or spousal support. I do pay a portion of my retirement to her because we were married for 20 years.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 07:03 PM
4

I started dating once the wife moved out and I felt ready. I went in hard and had about 5 women on a regular basis. That was fun for a bit but it got really stressful. I eventually dropped them all and stayed with the one I liked the most. Playing the field was really fun and I'd do it again if this relationship fizzles. Just be prepared for stress. I hated having to be worried about one girl calling or texting while I was out with another. I could never connect my phone to my car during a date …
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 06:25 PM
5

I'd say the most important for you is a complete understanding of your and your wife's financial situation. You need to have accurate numbers for both of your retirement accounts, all your debts, assets, and very good understanding of your monthly bills. Once you have an accurate picture of what you and your wife make, then you can figure out if she'll owe you or you'll owe her. Of course this is very simplistic. If she's a SAHM and there's kids, much different situation.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 06:21 PM
5

I started doing hot yoga because my flexibility is absolute shit.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 01:45 PM
2

Been dating this girl for almost 5 months. Our kids are same ages - 20, 18, 14. She's asked me to go to a couple of her younger daughter's events and I went. She said she'll come to my kids events as well but I don't stress about it. We both have our own places and we don't tell each other how to parent. No real expectations for either of us to do kids stuff so far and it's worked great.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 09:24 PM
11

Your ex probably doesn't like it because she's coaching her on how to act. That's not normal behavior for a kid. Your wife is playing games and will permanently screw that kid up if you don't take some serious action.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 09:52 PM
3

Sure there's plenty of other things besides women but dude is out there having fun and hating his success. We don't need to piss on his fire.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 07:31 PM
2

100% will never remarry or live together.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 03:28 PM
2

It's very hard to overcome
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/25 06:37 PM
12

Same here man. I ignored her family and daddy issues.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 07:25 PM
2

If she's playing the game of "go have sex with someone else" then she is 100% tapped out of the marriage. You're just a roommate for her now. Life is too short to deal with that shit. Plenty of women out there are fucking on a regular basis. She's done with marriage my man.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 05:15 PM
5

Find shit you enjoy doing when you don't have your kid. Work on yourself - physically, mentally, spiritually. When you do have your kid, cherish that time.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 05:13 PM
4

I see your point but the clothes look great. It's not designer shit. Just some better quality stuff. If she does get bored, no skin off my back. After this divorce, could care less. I can pornhub, go to the gym, and be very happy.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 04:31 PM
2

In 20 years of marriage we never once said divorce, talked divorce, or threatened anything like it. She just straight up lost her shit. Joint checking account and the charges were very easy to spot.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 08:49 PM
2

She denied it even when I had evidence. What made her finally admit it was when I showed her the charges on our account for hotel rooms.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 08:04 PM
3

lol
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 07:31 PM
3

Her words exactly. She was like lemme take you shopping.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 07:18 PM
1

Ya got some of those
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 07:01 PM
8

This is the way
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 04:46 PM
6

I'd keep a clean Reddit handle. Use this one ONLY for this sub.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 06:27 PM
3

Brother you only live once regardless of marriage or divorce. Go enjoy that bottle.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 08:17 PM
10

Definitely validation on a lot of these. They like to have a roster of simps for pen pals and easy compliments. Gotta move to an in-person meeting asap. First time you start talking setup a coffee or something easy. If they make excuses or want to get to know you, shitcan them and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 12:23 PM
8

Normal to feel like this. I ended up getting on Hydroxyzine which is used to treat anxiety. It's not an SSRI but more of a beaded up Benadryl. Absolutely helps me go to sleep and turn my brain off. I did some crying on my way to work a lot. Especially hearing songs or other things. Or people talking about their family and them not knowing what I was going through. Brother it's tough. Not gonna lie. I highly recommend you sit down with your wife and lay the cards on the table. Truly let her know …
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 09:18 PM
3

Absolutely ask if she's okay. Fuck your ex. This is your daughter. Imagine if you didn't ask and or intervene. When the safety of your daughter is at stake, do what you gotta do and have zero regrets.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 07:26 PM
20

My ex is with a dude who seems to be a nice guy. He's not the AP thankfully. Either way, I have zero desire to meet him or have any kind of relationship. Two of my kids are adults and my other is in HS. Your wife is rewriting what she did to make it seem like no big deal. The North remembers. I've seen what a lying POS my ex was and how she tried to cover her tracks. She got caught and I don't give a fuck what she says or does, she'll always be a cheating 304 in my eyes.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 01:40 AM
6

I'd do an RV or mobile home. Get it set up before you tell her. I'd imagine she'll not be happy and wonder what kind of STDs you gave her.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 11:27 PM
1

It gets 100 times easier once you move out, I promise. I did the same shit early in the separation. Invited her to the movies with the kids, sporting events, dinners. Trying to ease the transition. It's hard af when you live in the same house. Once she's out, maintain a decent relationship as much as you can for the kids sake. Other than that, enjoy the new life.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 11:08 PM
7

It's not going to happen until you or her is out of the house. All you can do now is just work on yourself, your work, your mind and body.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 10:58 PM
4

I would lose zero sleep about this. It's been text up to this point and you have a face to face meeting with a hug. Hard truth, you're probably one of several dudes this girl is rotating through. She might make you feel something but you gotta be so smart here and realize most of these women are going to lie. Play the field. Enjoy your new freedom. Enjoy your peace. Get a vasectomy asap.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 10:15 PM
5

100% and you got not allow it happen. Gotta punish her for this or she'll keep taking. These women have it in their minds that they can just do whatever.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 05:15 PM
11

Ya she can't do that. Get a lawyer brother.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 02:45 PM
11

Never thought it could or would happen to me but here I am, almost 12 months later, getting ready to receive my divorce decree. My ex chose to have an affair with her co-worker the same month our 20th wedding anniversary. I was absolutely in shock. Took me about 6 months to process everything and move forward. I'll never trust a woman again or live with one. I'm dating a great girl right now. We say "I love you" but it doesn't carry the weight it did previously.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 12:33 PM
2

Happy Thanksgiving!
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/25 01:39 PM
2

Whatever hobbies you enjoy, dive into them. You'll meet people through those. If you don't have any hobbies or passions, now is the time to try some. Ever wanted to learn to play the drums? Besides losing relationships with the kids, seems like this will be cut and dry for you. Take the time to mourn the relationship with her and the kids. Totally normal to feel that. Now you get to work on yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/25 01:39 AM
10

Married 20 years. She cheated with a co-worker. Pain sucks but one thing that helped me move on was getting rid of anything she ever gave me. Removing all pictures of her. Deleting any picture of her even if it had the kids in it. Blocked her on all social media.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 06:06 PM
5

There's three NFL games on today as well. I know it sucks but try to be thankful that you have ten toes, ten fingers, your legs work, and you can enjoy the Simmons while having some adult beverages.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 01:14 PM
3

Like Vincent said, you don't need to date with intention to marry or move in. As I wrap up my 20 year marriage and finalize my divorce next month, I have zero intentions of marrying again or living with a woman. The peace I enjoy without having a woman in the house is truly amazing. Like you said, just be up front with them about marriage and kids. Same with cohabitation. So for me, knowing that I can have a relationship and not have to worry about whether this woman wants to marry me or have ki…
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 12:40 PM
5

I did a hot yoga class the other week with my GF. There were maybe 30 people in the class there was only 1 other dude in there. EVERY woman in this class was a 10 and the ages ranged from college to 50s. Check out some hot yoga classes.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 11:55 AM
5

I had a lot of success with online dating, specifically Facebook dating. I tried Tinder, Hinge, Bumble but quickly learned they just try and get you to pay higher and higher fees for matches. Total scam. Stick with Facebook dating. Worked wonders for me as a newly single 45m. I will tell you the hookups will bring temporary relief but absolutely will not take the pain. Pain will go away in time. What you need to be aware of is that these women will bring stress, chaos, and potentially more pain …
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 01:56 AM
6

Don't move my man. DO NOT MOVE.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 09:17 PM
5

Absolutely and I'm in the same boat. Dating a woman now. We're exclusive but it's such a powerful feeling knowing that I will never marry again or live with a woman.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 05:17 PM
7

100% my ex started working for a successful woman who was divorced and made it seem like it was the best thing ever. She had some other co-workers telling her the same shit. Had some other shit happen in her life and she said fuck it, she's gonna sleep with a convicted criminal. Just absolutely insane.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 04:41 PM
8

This was similar to my divorce. Found evidence of her cheating, contacted an attorney, gathered evidence, then drew up a separation agreement once I had all proof. Nothing but time will ease your mind. You're going to have to process your grief in whatever way works for you. Just make sure it's not alcohol or drugs. It took me about six months to fully process the pain. But like I said, grief is unique to each person. Do not let her bait you into doing something stupid. Don't yell or send her an…
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 03:44 PM
14

Been separated since December 2024. She cheated with a co-worker. Lately she's been sending me videos and stuff she used to send me which I think is extremely weird. Her friends and co-workers sold her how being single is so liberating and fun. I think it's sunk in that her kids don't even want to see her and she's alone in an apartment.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 03:30 PM
6

Brother I did the same. Made out with this one girl and thought I was about to bust in my pants. We finally get down to it and I'm lasting forever. To the point she stopped and asked if she's doing something wrong. Never had the issue of lasting long before but after the divorce and vasectomy, it can take a while. Thought it would be awesome but none of these women are down for marathon sex.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 11:45 AM
5

Parental alienation is absolutely disgusting. Hopefully the kids will snap out of it. Don't let the ex take advantage of these holiday times. Even though the kids are adults, push for time to see them. Lunch, movies, whatever. Just get time with them.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 11:42 AM
32

Fuck that. Get the divorce handled first. Tell her if she wants to try again it'll be as boyfriend and girlfriend. Don't fall for her BS. She thought the grass was greener and she got humbled. She came back to you as a backup. Don't let her fool you my man. All these women are the same more or less. She showed you her true colors.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 12:57 AM
12

Dude, YES! First, congrats on getting laid. First chick I hooked up with post divorce gave me the most amazing blow job but it took her about 20 minutes to finish me off. He technique was 100 times better than my ex but dude, I could not finish and it took a lot of concentration to finally do it. And this woman was hot! Second time we hooked up, same thing. With my wife, I'd last maybe 2 minutes into a blowjob. This new girl, at least 20 Minutes. Second girl I slept with same shit. Marathon man.…
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 12:53 AM
9

Oh brother yes. The whole gambit of child support, custody, and all the other stuff. No kids makes it 100 times easier.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 09:55 PM
7

Ya she's on GLP for life now. She comes off i guarantee she puts it all back PLUS another 20. All the studies confirm it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 09:46 PM
18

Be thankful there's no kids. Unfortunately her chicken head friends got to her or she believed some dumb shit she saw on TikTok. She better pray she never gets off that GLP because that will come back double.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 09:41 PM
2

Really depends on if you want kids or not. If so, they you need to be highly selective. If no kids, enjoy playing the field and have total freedom to do whatever you want when you want. There's plenty of women out there who don't want marriage or kids. They just want someone to do life with and sometimes that means not even living together. I was married 20 years. Wife cheated last year. I'll never get married again because I love the freedom I have. My kids are older though so it's easier to ha…
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 07:58 PM
2

Brother, get this handled in the form of a parenting plan or you're gonna stroke out about this every year. Have some sort of basic plan established where you get every other Thanksgiving / Christmas. Then make sure to include work schedules. You gotta be able to get this stuff handled for the sake of your kids. Think of it as at least giving them some clarity on when and where they're spending the holidays. Can you imagine being a kid and not knowing where you're gonna wake up on Christmas beca…
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 04:57 PM
5

Perfect. I'd block after everything is finalized. Get all your stuff back but don't risk an altercation. If you think there will be an altercation or that she say some wild shit, have a sheriff be present for the retrieval of your stuff. Once you have the decree. Block her and move on with your life.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 03:12 PM
4

Kinda lost me when you said you're a phenomenal father but you've cheated extensively.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 11:44 AM
3

Goods on you for recognizing what she's trying to do to you. As far as communication, do whatever is in the separation or parenting agreement for your 15yo. I mean at some point she needs to see the kid right?
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 11:16 AM
3

I hear you. Hope you find the ex sooner or later.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 02:18 AM
5

My wife cheated the same month we had our 20th anniversary. My kids were 19, 17, 12. We spoke to the kids together and said we were getting a divorce. About a month later I had to tell the kids about the AP because I after the background check came back, it confirmed he was a felon for domestic battery among MANY other things. I showed them a picture of him and told them that if they ever saw this man to call me immediately. Kids are not too close with her since. There might see her one a week a…
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 12:29 AM
8

Gonna knock her up one day if you're not careful brother. I'm sure sex is great with her but man that's gonna be hard to move on from. On the other hand, if it's working it's working. Maybe you're better as FWB as long as it lasts. Ultimately it's just gonna set you back though.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 09:40 PM
6

Sounds like your lawyer has done everything right so far and unfortunately your wife's lawyer fucked up the timing by canceling the meeting. I wouldn't go into anything without a lawyer unless you're confident in your skills or just guys just don't have much to split up.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 08:42 PM
5

I hear you but take into consideration the timeline. I had to book a consolation, then wait another almost 4 months for my appoint. Then 2 weeks healed up then another few weeks to test the swimmers. 4-6 months from today for you. Just food for thought.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 08:35 PM
16

If you don't have a vasectomy, get one asap.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 05:11 PM
4

So I found the affair and did not confront until I'd spoken to a lawyer. I confronted her in a public place.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 01:01 AM
3

Absolutely. I had several appointments I needed to knock out and let my supervisor and boss know. They were very good about it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 03:27 PM
6

Married 20 years and I waited about 6 months. Did some casual dating and got back into the groove.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 03:18 PM
3

Pack that shit in boxes and put it in the garage. Mine did the same shit. Thought she'd just come back whenever she wanted and takes stuff here and there. I moved it all into the garage in boxes. She came over and got it pretty quick.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 01:53 PM
5

Hell no.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 12:23 PM
3

I'd walk away from a life long medical condition that is getting worse in a heart beat. He's looking for someone to change his diapers eventually. Unless you want to do it for money, I'd absolutely walk away.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 02:09 PM
2

Congrats! Just filed mine as well and no waiting for the decree.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 11:46 AM
3

First, do not move out. Second, you better be extremely careful being active duty military. All it takes is for her to go cry to your Commander and then he can issue some temporary BS orders. I highly recommend you go talk to your JAG and make sure you're doing everything by the book. I served for 26 years, married for 20 of those. She ended up getting 32% of my retirement even though she got caught cheating. Imagine that. So just be prepared for the long fight. Protect yourself and at least get…
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 05:23 PM
2

It's 100% a racket. They all know each other. They absolutely play a game. Why do you think it takes 1 day to get married and a year to get divorced? It's a business.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 07:14 PM
12

Brother it all depends on your state. First, don't move out. Second, get a separation agreement in place before you move out with everything spelled out. But before all this, get a lawyer this week. Pay the consultation fee. You need to fully understand all your finances to include hers. You'll need W2s, everything. Car loans, credit cards, retirement accounts. Stop agreeing to shit with this woman. Just say you need to consult with your lawyer. Assume you are being recorded at all times. Don't …
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 06:34 PM
6

Some very serious heart to heart conversations but there's obviously something going on. She either resents him for something or she's cheating. Always two sides.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 03:25 PM
10

Same story as you. 20 years. I ALWAYS initiated. I played the game of waiting to see if she would. Sometimes it would be 2 weeks. Ultimately she cheated on me with her co-worker who was an ex convict for beating his ex wife and kid. That's the dude she chose. Either way, you either fix it now or watch her try to take everything you have. She's obviously been planning something. Dig around.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 02:44 PM
3

Sorry man. She threw a party? Crazy
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 11:27 AM
10

Brother marriage is not worth it for the long run. If you fundamentally disagree on the kid issue, move on now and find someone who shares that same plan.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 10:45 PM
5

The first week we were supposed to switch she said she couldn't do it because of her work schedule. Since then we realized it wasn't going to ever happen. She begs him to stay the night on weekends and he wants no part. I encourage him to spend time with her but he's not interested.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 12:02 PM
7

Sad part is she has 50/50 of our youngest but doesn't take him even though she lives 25 minutes down the road. Since she moved out early this year, he's spent the night maybe 3 times.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/25 06:36 PM
25

Mine absolutely calculated it with her chicken head divorced friends. Waited until one month after our 20th anniversary. This entitled her to a bigger part of my pension. Unfortunately for her she was caught in her affair so it kinda torpedoed her plans. She still got alimony but not what she thought she was gonna get. Ruined her relationships with our kids and now she lives alone, kids live with me full time.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/25 05:31 PM
1

That's what I've been doing since July and it's great. We get our alone time and it always fun to reconnect
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/25 02:49 PM
3

First, best piece of advice I can give you is to pay for a consultation with a family lawyer in your area so you get the ground truth on what to expect. This is important because this lawyer will know how judges historically rule. Some are more favorable to women regardless and some are fair straight down the middle. With the kids, you'll need to figure out what you're comfortable with as far as schooling. Are they actually learning or would you rather them be in a public school? Definitely get …
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/25 02:43 AM
3

I'm 11 months post separation and have dated a few women casually, been in a relationship now for a few months. We both have kids same age and both never want to get married again. Also don't want to cohabitate. Plenty of women out there. Don't rush it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/25 11:48 PM
4

I think your plan of cohabitation for the next 2.5 years is insane and while it might make financial sense, I think it will be much harder than you think. What are you gonna do when you or you wife wants to date? You absolutely need to get a separation agreement in place with your wife. Each of you needs to have a lawyer to at least review the terms. Everything is negotiable. My ex moved out of our marital home and I pay her zero child support because the kids live with me full time. I do pay he…
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 09:25 PM
11

I was married 20 years and we lived all over the country. Traveled, 3 kids, tons of photos and memories. I painstakingly went through every photo in my phone and deleted anything with her in them. Same with social media. Didn't even care if my kids were in the photo. Deleted and erased. She cheated on me and while I've moved on, I want no memory of her. Anything she ever gave me I threw away.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 03:48 PM
14

It's the angry divorced hens club
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 05:59 PM
18

I think the real way forward is one, never marry a single Mom and two, never move in with a single Mom. Sure, date or have a relationship but never marry or move in. That's how you keep your sanity.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 12:24 PM
13

So I dated a bunch of women once my ex moved out and they'd pick up the tab once in a while. I'd always volunteer to pay and they'd say, no, let me get this one. Current woman I'm with straight told me she likes to go out a lot and if I keep paying for everything all the time I'm gonna be out a lot of money. So we straight split everything right down the middle. Gotta give credit to her because it's nice to have a good meal, drinks, and only pay $50.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 12:03 PM
7

Yes! This my issue with my ex. She watched teenage love shows. Like you said, straight fucking brain rot. Then she started watching love on the spectrum. I was like, c'mon now.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 12:00 PM
4

No way you love it past season 5
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 01:29 AM
6

There's a certain level of delusion that women have with that show. My ex certainly felt that it was reality.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 11:16 PM
13

Any woman that watches Grey's Anatomy or 90 day Fiancé is a red flag.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 11:01 PM
5

I would get guidance from your attorney on when to cut over accounts. I didn't do it until our separation agreement was in place. As far as single life, you'll get to do what you want when you want. I got rid of shit that had been accumulated for years. I spent weeks taking shit to the dumps and donating stuff. As far as dating, you can try your luck with dating apps or in the wild. Your friends should be able to get you hooked up as well. Don't be in a rush for a relationship. Just have fun.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 04:30 PM
6

I put single. I also never discussed my separation or divorce or marriage on the first few dates.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 12:11 PM
7

As long as you not a slob, can dress somewhat decent, and not a fatso, it easy as hell. Load of FB dating, get some new pictures, and take a shot.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 07:57 PM
2

Amen thank you
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 09:36 PM
3

I do agree the Bay Area is a liberal feminist cancer zone.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 04:38 PM
3

Brother that sounds toxic af. Be thankful you don't have kids with this woman. Her and her family sound like a nightmare. With no kids, I'd exit out of that marriage in a heartbeat. You don't want that shit for the rest of your life. Plenty of women out there especially in the Bay Area.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 01:48 PM
4

I started doing this at the beginning of my separation and it was a huge help. Felt like I was taking the poison of my experience and transferring it to the paper.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 01:46 PM
3

Vasectomy was the first thing I did in the process. Like you, absolutely cannot afford to create another kid especially when mine are almost grown. I do have a prescription for viagra just for the hell of it. Over the past couple years I took it maybe once or twice, mainly for special events. Went back to my girls house last night and popped a viagra before I got there and had no issues. Same this morning. No issues. So I'm not sure what the deal is. Probably performance anxiety because I'm so f…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 12:42 PM
3

First, I think it's fucked up your wife didn't at least give you the courtesy heads up. Not sure what your relationship is but having a new person move in with a minor is a big deal in my eyes. Second, I'd have the same feelings as you if my son said I like both equally. That would hurt. However, he's young and probably just chose his words incorrectly. I'd ask to meet the dude. I think it's smart to at least understand what kind of man is living under the same roof as your boy.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 10:55 PM
4

Since we started dating she has always said I'm nervous around her and not confident. I can assure I'm neither. But she keeps saying it. Same with sex. I'm down for almost anything and she keeps wanting more freak or something. I mean next step is basically some shit I'm not gonna get into. I think she's trying to emasculate me. She keeps saying all the dudes she's dated were Alphas. I think it's manipulation and emasculation because the alpha comments don't make sense. I did some amazing shit w…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 07:11 PM
3

Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 07:06 PM
6

She really talked this dude up. She's killing me in the sex department telling me I need to do this and that. Been with a lot of women never had complaints but this one is constantly saying shit
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 06:33 PM
3

Cheers and thank you
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 06:26 PM
3

Ya that's basically what she said about this dude. He was amazing in bed, he was the life of the party, he had no boundaries, but he was an absolute piece of shit.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 06:26 PM
2

You're 100% right
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 06:24 PM
3

I was seeing a girl before her and we'd screw 4 times a day. Zero issues. I agree though she's in my head.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 06:24 PM
2

She said he was basically the best ever in bed but treated her like shit and she left him.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 06:23 PM
3

Absolutely. Sometimes refills can be a pain in the ass.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 04:57 PM
3

I think she'd probably have the same issues.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 04:56 PM
2

Absolutely! I probably got off too fast when I was married and now it's marathon man but it ain't that fun.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 04:56 PM
7

She's divorced twice, two baby daddies. Very open about her past. Our kids are the same age and we have no interest or desire to get married. But I agree. I wish she'd never said that.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 04:55 PM
3

Ya I have no issues with masturbation at all. I think you're right.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 04:28 PM
8

She had mentioned she was in a really bad relationship for a couple years but mainly hung around because the dude could fuck like a champion. Probably trying to compare myself to that dude.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 04:28 PM
4

I think it's definitely something along those lines.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 04:26 PM
1

I've been on TRT since 2015 and my blood work last week showed I was at 975. I think instead of once a week injections I'm gonna split it into two doses
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 04:26 PM
1

Fuck. Okay thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 04:08 PM
2

Only thing I've noticed since the vasectomy is I last a ridiculously long time.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 04:08 PM
9

Eating a bullet is the absolute worst thing you can do for your family. Sit her down. Figure out a way forward. Eating a bullet would destroy your kids for the rest of their lives. They want you in their lives. Divorce sucks but you don't want your kids growing up without their Dad. Sit down with your wife and figure out what the next step is whether that's separation or marriage counseling.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 03:03 PM
4

That's good you were able to get it off your chest. Now take that dude out for burgers or tacos and tell him thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 11:45 AM
2

I got rid of so much bullshit that has been accumulated. I'm talking closets full of blankets and comforters she refused to part with. Trying to be as minimalist as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 12:15 AM
12

It wasn't because I was forgiving. I just wanted her out. I also didn't want her affair partner showing up and trying to help. I was a man possessed moving her shit. It was a spiritual cleansing getting her cheating ass shit out of the house.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 06:28 PM
13

I hear you. Married for 20 and she cheated also. I helped her move into her apartment and have never set foot inside since. Definitely emotional. I was so pissed at her for destroying our family. Oh well. Life goes on.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 04:49 PM
5

Married for 20 years. I deleted any photo or video she was in. Anything she gave me over the years, trashed it. Anything she bought for the house I threw away. Anything that reminded me of her, gone. Total removal of anything her.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 12:57 PM
3

I feel you and brother it's completely normal and healthy to have those feelings. Just know it's a process and we all have our own timeline for how we process it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 11:53 AM
8

Brother if you're taking care of your body, can dress well, and lay down the pipe, that's all that matters. You don't gotta do fancy dinners or vacations. Take care of yourself, put some effort into how you look, and go to pound town. Women are simple. They want attention, communication, and compliments.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 11:52 AM
6

100% on hypergamy
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 06:06 PM
10

She lost attraction to you and you probably took her for granted. Or...she's just a bad person. Either way, she acted on feelings whether rational or not. She can never be trusted again.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 02:53 PM
6

I went through this in December. Discovered my wife's affair with her co-worker. Found all the evidence on her computer that was tied to her phone. My kids were 19, 17, and 12 at that time. I immediately called a friend who recommended I contact a lawyer. Got a great attorney who advised me to collect as much as I could. Once I had an enough I let her know that I knew. I'd already had a separation agreement drawn up. Presented that to her and she took it to her lawyer who advised her to sign it.…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 02:28 PM
2

First step is never re-marry without a rock solid pre-nup.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 10:25 AM
8

Brother I felt the same way. Married 20 years to a very spicy Latina. New GF is heads and tails above her in beauty, body, and sex. They're out there.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 10:24 AM
4

I'm retired military so they counted my retirement, disability, and new job all together. Just insane how these courts are. I even let her us my GI Bill for her degree. Crazy crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 01:09 AM
7

I'd say 95% of Reddit is a bunch of cucks and extremely liberal. The women are anti-men and most of the cuck men are anti-men. Don't come to Reddit for co-parenting advice because they'll be telling you to castrate your boys or chop your daughter's breast off. This sub Reddit is honestly one of the last bastions of reasonably people.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 06:57 PM
3

I make more than her plus I have all three kids living with me so I handle majorly of costs. Car payments, phone, insurance, clothing. More than happy to do so. Helps keep communication down to a minimum with the ex. Plus, I want her to save her money and get married asap so I can stop paying alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 06:14 PM
20

Married with 3 kids. Provided my ass off. Coached all my kids sports teams. Vacations. Had a house cleaner come by every other week. She cheated on me with a co-worker because "she didn't feel alive." So basically mid life crisis. Finalize divorce in 2 months.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 05:20 PM
4

Everything to keep the peace.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 05:18 PM
28

Destroyed my view of marriage. Will 100% never get married again. Happily in a relationship now but we both have our own places and I will also never live with a woman. Gave me back freedom to do what I want when I want.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 03:47 PM
6

I thought my ex was the anomaly in her family. All her sisters had multiple kids from multiple men. None married. Thought she was different. Nope.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/25 05:46 PM
2

100%
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/25 02:19 PM
11

Absolutely and don't forget to meet your new ladies family. Understand where she came from and if she has fucked up family history.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/25 09:24 AM
5

Not really but who knows. She falls off my insurance which will be a sticker shock for her. She has a few months to figure that out.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 10:16 PM
13

My wife cheated with her co-worker, tried to hide, but I caught on through her cell phone which was tied to her computer. Saw it all unfold real time. It was extremely easy to detach from her at that point. Saw all the shit she was doing for her affair partner which she wouldn’t even entertain for me. Saw the shit she talked about me. I've been warned by a lot of people she'll try to come back. It'll be a year in December and there ain't no way I'd entertain it.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 11:37 AM
2

I believe she is still sleeping with him but dating another dude.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 11:18 AM
2

She was so caught up in affair fog she just wanted to get out of the house and hoe around. She's still like that shoot as a clam in her apartment.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 08:59 PM
3

I'm paying $2k alimony for life, unless she gets remarried. Courts could care less. She could've been a street walking prostitute and they still would have awarded her the same amount. Kids are all with me so I don't pay child support or spousal support. Divorce will be finalized in December and I really hope she gets married again soon.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 08:08 PM
3

It's the best long term way to handle it. We all wanna go scorched earth but that way ultimately is not good for anyone involved. Short term high for long term pain.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 05:58 PM
5

Mine cheated after 20 years with her co-worker. I kept it as private as possible with the exception of family and close friends. Zero social media mentions. She did the same. I wanted to burn her down but I have kids and I don't need them seeing Dad raging online. Just not worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 04:20 PM
7

I have a buddy going through the same shit. Wife just playing the victim hard as shit. All these white knight case workers buying it. It's sad as shit to see how Men are discarded by the legal system.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 12:24 AM
2

Congrats and best of luck to you going forward!
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/25 07:14 PM
1

lol love it. WE broke the barrier
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 07:19 PM
2

Hahha
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 07:17 PM
2

I just bought some GasX and tums. Hopefully that helps
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 05:05 PM
5

As long as there's a signed separation agreement, nope. Plus the burden of proof is extremely high for infidelity.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 03:24 PM
1

See this is what's happening to me. We're going out, eating, drinking, come back to Netflix and chill and then the rumbles start.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 03:18 PM
2

Damn that's the long game. The goal is always Dutch oven
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 03:18 PM
4

Hahah
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 03:17 PM
1

lol
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 01:50 PM
3

This is a good strategy
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 01:44 PM
2

Absolutely agree.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 01:29 PM
1

Both me and my ex would fart in front of each other. Now if I was dropping rank ass bombs in bed she'd get pissed but other than that she was okay with it. Married 20 years
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 01:28 PM
5

I like one of the other dudes advice so said just wait until she rips one. Then it's game on.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 01:10 PM
3

Absolutely and there won't be marriage. She's had two, I've had one. Won't even discuss it or move in.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 01:08 PM
3

Cheers brother!
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 01:07 PM
3

I like this.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 01:07 PM
5

Silent treatment is such a bitch move. Hopefully you don't have kids because you don't want to deal with this for the rest of your life. Recommend you sit her down and have a serious heart to heart. If she plays the divorce card, go ahead and file and be done. That ain't no way to live. Any woman who looks at sex as a wifely duty is boring as fuck.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 01:01 PM
2

Mine just gave me great advice up front and my divorce has been extremely smooth. About 90 days until we finalize.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 11:49 AM
3

There's a ton. Use google scholar and type that in and there's thousands.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 12:26 AM
9

Completely normal to feel that way. Lean on your close friends and family. Don't bottle the emotions up. Make sure to take care of your mind, body, and spirit.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 08:00 PM
8

I'm praying me ex marries the dude she's with. Nice dude. My kids are older so no issues but the best part would be not paying $2k alimony every month!
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 01:44 PM
17

Brother I did the same thing. I stayed in the bed for maybe a couple weeks then moved to the guest room. I did invite her to some events like a baseball game with the kids. But had to remind myself she chose this and her words "I want to be alone" would always remind me what I needed to do. Of course "I want to be alone" meant fuck her co-worker.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 11:21 AM
11

Married 20 years and caught my wife having an affair with her co-worker. Been separated 10 months and will finalize in January. You just need to process the pain. You can definitely date and get into a relationship again and probably love. Just need some time. One of the rules I've set is that I will absolutely not get married again and will absolutely not live with a woman.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 10:56 AM
2

Hope it helps! Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 02:06 AM
25

I recently went through the whole online dating scene and had a lot of success. Just understand there are up to fives times as many men as there are women on these apps. Men far out number women. What this means is your average woman who is a 5 or 6 is getting the attention like she's a 9 or 10. Do not pay one single penny for any of the apps regardless of what they say. Complete waste of money. Stick with Facebook dating. It's free and works fine. Unless you're a male model, then go in on Hinge…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 07:07 PM
5

My best advice is that it will take some time and everyone has their own unique timeline. I've been separated 10 months and around month 6-7 I had processed everything and accepted what happened. But during those 6-7 months I questioned everything. Replayed everything. Listened to sad ass songs on the way to work. Then one morning I didn't want to listen to sad songs and turned on my local sports show like I'd done prior.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 11:16 AM
6

I hear you. Sometimes it's pictures, smells, songs, places. Just let it happen and understand it's part of a process. 100% healthy and how our mind, body, and spirit process grief.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 04:42 PM
4

Mine hit perimenopause at 45, lost her Dad to cancer, and felt like the remedy was to be a hoe a fuck guys in parking lots.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 12:37 AM
2

100%
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 12:36 AM
5

The one month for each year is random with zero scientific proof. Just a random guess. For me, started casually dating 6 months into separation. I'm about 90 days out from finalizing my divorce and in an exclusive relationship with a great lady. Do what feels right. If you go out on a few dates and don't feel it, shut it down and try again later. I was nervous first few times but it'll all come back to you.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 11:48 AM
18

Mine fell in love with her co-worker who is a convicted felon for battery against his former wife and his own child. But they've "soulmates" now.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 07:14 PM
3

I feel you.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 05:15 PM
9

After our 3rd my ex had postpartum BAD! Truly don't think she ever recovered.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 01:33 AM
3

Same
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 12:50 AM
12

Needed to continue to date her through and after kids. When kids came around, I went Dad mode hard. Coached all the teams, Boy Scouts, everything. Should've dialed it back and focused harder on her. However, we had an awesome life with everything we wanted. She ultimately chose to have an affair.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 11:25 PM
2

Mine was on the apps immediately
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 09:56 PM
1

I've talked to friends who live in big cities - DC, Tampa, Dallas - and the paid apps seem to be very good there but A LOT of competition. FB dating I think is better for the smaller cities.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 08:56 PM
8

Brother don't pay for anything. Stick to Facebook dating. It's free and easy as hell. The paid apps are designed to get you to pay. Paid apps for a scam unless your Brad Pitt. I've been extremely successful on Facebook dating. My advice is to take some good photos. Keep your bio short and to the point. Make sure to let them know you're only looking for casual. If you try and say long term and don't mean it, it's just going to end badly. These women appreciate honesty and a lot are looking for th…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 07:39 PM
6

Brother when I share my story, it's amazing how these women follow the same playbook. Definitely sucks but ultimately had to move on for my own sanity and my kids. Kids all love with me full time so I'm a lucky guy. Ex lives alone in her apartment and asks why the kids never visit her.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 10:20 AM
11

I was absolutely angry at my situation. Felt like I did everything right. Provided a safe, secure, reliable living. Did all the right things for the kids. No abuse of any kind. Home every night. But my ex got bored and fucked a convicted felon at her work. Was thankful for my 30 minute commute each way. Processed a lot of emotions in that car. Sometimes with music, podcasts. Sometimes in straight up silence. Pounded the iron at the gym. Hit the speed bags. Then one day just was over it. About th…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 02:04 AM
4

Absolutely. My ex's sisters All Had kids from different dads. Not one was married. My ex was the only who was married - to me - and looked like she was the only one with a head on her shoulders. Nope. She was a great actress that finally got caught.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 10:33 PM
26

The dude she was blowing is so fucked now. He'll never be able to get a hard on without the threat of papers being served. He's gonna have a very weird fetish for the rest of his life!
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 07:22 PM
5

Haha maybe!
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 07:06 PM
20

One thing I wish I'd done differently is to understand her family history more. Truly spend time with her family to see the shit show it was and that it had already poisoned her. But she was hot as fuck and I didn't pay attention.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 05:09 PM
4

Caught me ex's affair because she had her iPhone tied to her iMac. Saw everything in real time.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 10:38 PM
5

If mine said this I'd laugh so damn hard.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 04:17 PM
3

100%.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 12:04 PM
7

Definitely agree with time. Same thing happened for me at the 6 month mark. Just clicked and I was over her betrayal.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 11:08 AM
5

I was married for 20 years, three teen kids. Would've bet my life that my wife would never cheat. But one month after our 20th I found her in an affair with a co-worker. I'll 100% never trust a relationship again. I'll date a woman but I'll never put live with one or marry one again. Not in this day and age.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 12:40 AM
4

I waited about 6 months after separation. She was out of the house, things were stable. Got on FB dating and it's extremely easy to meet women on there. I was seeing about 5 girls at once and while it was fun, I wouldn't recommend it. Date and move on from ones quickly that you don't like or share values with. Remember, these women are always talking to more than one dude. Just be wise.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 11:40 PM
12

I so hope my ex moves in with a dude or gets married quick. Not a fan of $2k a month for life.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 11:22 AM
4

Once I processed the pain from separation and betrayal, I was ready for intimacy.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 11:00 AM
9

Bro fuck that. Toss it in the trash, or over a bridge, or give it to a homeless person. Don't give it to her.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/25 09:23 PM
12

Doing really well. Went on a date last night and have Deer archery season starting this morning. Going out with my son to hopefully get a big buck!
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/25 10:44 AM
8

I did the same. Any picture of her even with the kids was deleted. Blocked her on all social media and painstakingly went through Facebook and deleted any photo or memory of her. Removed myself from any album. I have all the pictures I need of the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 03:01 PM
6

All those sites are a waste of time and money. Stick with Facebook dating. It's free and I've had way more success there. As far as grounded and pretentious, at 50+ they are set in their ways. You ain't changing them. Also depends on what you're looking for. If you're just looking to sleep with them, play the game. If you're looking for conservative like minded women, you need to find the local republican groups and start mingling there. Promise you'll have good success.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 02:24 PM
2

This is all I care about. I wanna know dudes name, picture, what he does so I can at least do a background check to make sure he's not a pedo or criminal.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 01:11 PM
4

First, jerk it a few times before before you see her. If you do pop a viagra, do it on an empty stomach and no booze. Just enjoy it but make sure you service her very well.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 12:28 PM
18

She was definitely wearing leapord print
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 10:40 PM
3

Best course of action is to pay for a consultation in your state with a family law attorney. You'll need to know your income and hers. Legit W2 income. As well as retirement accounts, 401ks. The more info you have regards property, assets, debts, the better the lawyer can advise. Absolutely do not move out unless there's a signed agreement that's been reviewed by your and her attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 06:33 PM
5

Was are written by lawyers to just make more money.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 05:42 PM
6

And it's tax free for her too.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 04:53 PM
11

Same for me money wise. I'm paying $2k monthly in alimony and have more money because there's no 100 Amazon boxes showing up weekly or daily trips to Target.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 04:10 PM
2

It's good to let it out whether it's to friends or reddit. Sorry man. I'm sure it ain't easy.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 01:14 AM
2

Married 4 years I don't think she can touch a pension. That's more like 15-20 married. 401k maybe but still only 4 years. Biggest thing you got going is the duration of the marriage. It's short and that's good. Hopefully no kids? Best advice, remain cool, calm, and collected. Don't send angry texts or emails. No drunk dialing. This is business now. Take care of the mind, body, and spirit.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 09:20 PM
3

Go for it. She either takes the call or she doesn't. Maybe you're feeling something for her. YOLO man.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 06:47 PM
5

Married for 20 years here. Blocked them all on everything. They never really made an effort to do anything with us anyways so not a real huge loss.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 12:47 PM
2

Sorry you're going through it. It's not a fun process.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 03:08 PM
4

That is fair.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 10:37 AM
4

I am
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 08:20 PM
2

Absolutely.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 01:32 PM
7

I don't lend her money but I'll ask her if she needs anything if I'm at the store. I've helped her with car stuff. Ultimately she's a cheating whore who ever apologized but also mom to my kids so I have a vested interest to make sure she's okay. I also want her to feel very comfy and get married again so I don't have to pay alimony! Plans within plans haha
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 12:34 PM
6

Fuck ya sry. I got that backward. There are MORE MEN than women. Absolutely. Wayyy more men
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 03:19 AM
14

Stick with FB Dating. It's free and I've had great success on it. Any of the other apps - Tinder, Match, Hinge - are all designed to eventually get you to pay weekly or monthly subscriptions and it's just not worth it. FB Dating is perfect. Also had luck with friends introducing me to a few ladies. Just be prepared and have thick skin. Use current pictures. If you take shit pictures the result will be shit. Remember, there are three times as many men on these dating sites. So your average 6 feel…
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 03:15 AM
8

Understand this is normal. You're gonna have sleepless nights, and a bunch of other uncomfortable shit happen. It's grief and it will take some time regardless of how the marriage ended. Lean on family and friends. Don't turn alcohol. Take care of you mind, body, and soul.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 12:42 AM
9

Ya I see a lot of the "healing era" BS from the women influencers.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 11:51 PM
7

Brother she can't just up and take the kids out of state. Don't let her try and think that's possible. First, take it from me a talk to someone. When I found my wife's affair, I didn't tell anyone at first. I was pissed and embarrassed. Ending up having a panic attack and went to the ER. Since then I've been talking with my brother and best friends. Night and day difference. They've been great.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 11:18 PM
2

My advice is that if she's not in a serious relationship that you both agree you are in, don't introduce. Just tell the kids you're dating and keeping things casual. My kids are older - 20, 18, 13 - and I haven't introduced them to anyone. I won't even bring a girl over. Always to their place. That's what I've been doing and it works. But if your kids are older like mine, they know what's up. Just be honest with them.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 11:01 PM
5

🤣
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 07:50 PM
4

These are both feasible
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 07:41 PM
10

He needs to tell her that's not true. She probably just has a big vagina.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 07:32 PM
6

lol this is the way
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 07:32 PM
4

Wild. Can't stand that. One thing I could never wrap my head around was during 20 years of marriage, whenever my parents would visit, my wife would make disparaging remarks about me in front of my parents. I had to pull her to the side several times and tell her to stop. I'd talk to her afterwards and before my parents would come. She never did this anywhere else except when my parents visited. Just the weirdest experience.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 04:29 PM
12

Irony of this situation is that her friends husband is friends with her but does not enjoy her being the third wheel on a lot of functions. Which is how I got introduced to see if I could date the friend. Been seeing her for a couple months and while she's a smoke show, I can see why she's single. Horrible attitude and negative about everything. Probably gonna cut away here soon because she's ultimately not even fun to be around.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 04:14 PM
3

Definitely agree about communication.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 04:00 PM
10

I'm with you on complacency. Thought I did everything right. Coached kids teams, family vacations, whatever she wanted. Turns out what she really wanted was to get fucked in parking lots around town. Who knew?!
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 03:45 PM
7

Really got teach these young's who get married to watch out for the divorcees. Fucking cancer.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 03:43 PM
2

Amen
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 03:26 PM
4

It's like Al Pacino in Devils Advocate.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 03:08 PM
13

I hear you. Apparently coaching my kids sports teams, providing steady income and security, and not having a drug or alcohol problem was too much for her.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 03:06 PM
11

Interesting about Bible study. In my recent ratings, the women who claim to go to church and be all about god, are the first ones to get naked.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 02:48 PM
3

lol
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 02:46 PM
6

Love the crab analogy
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 02:45 PM
1

Good stuff brother. Glad you found a good one.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 01:54 PM
11

Crazy thing is they have a great life. Make Greta money. Have a smart kid. But this divorced woman is definitely whispering in her ear. Sad. I want to tell the guy to stay away from her. Another sad part, the dude thinks she is one of his best friends.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 01:39 PM
4

Ya it's crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 01:37 PM
5

Ya and her husband is not fat at all. Tall strong dude with a couple extra pounds.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 01:37 PM
3

For me, it was sooo much better for my physically and mentally. I was able to start getting rid of shit she decorated the house with. Made the house mine.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 01:05 PM
8

Sad truth, she was probably banging him before she asked for a divorce. Process the pain and grief. Take your time.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 01:04 PM
6

It was hard for me to until she moved out. Separated, living in same house, different rooms was horrible. Once she was out it became easier. It's just time.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 11:51 PM
1

Man losing the perfect wife in a car crash would be devastating
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 11:11 AM
9

Definitely agree with this.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 11:10 AM
10

Sorry man. I said the same thing. Step 1. Go get an attorney so you understand what's on the line here whether you have kids, a house, retirement accounts. Step 2. Do not email her, text her, leave angry voicemails. You need to be a Jedi Master and keep your wits about you. Don't be drinking and drunk texting her stupid shit. All of this will come back to bite you. Step 3. You need to immediately improve your self-care. Better fitness, better food, better sleep, cleaner house. This can be a long…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 04:43 PM
16

Mine is living alone in an apartment. My son FaceTimed her yesterday and she was with her new boyfriend watching his three kids while he worked. All the kids are under 5. It's like she's adopted a new family. It was really weird.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/25 01:23 PM
13

Bro when they are in the affair fog, their minds are scrambled. Literally scrambled teenage girl brains. My wife would go meet dude, come back cook dinner, and watch a movie with us like nothing happened. She'd be texting dude on the couch with our family. Thank god I had access to her texts. She moved out and invited me to her apartment for Easter. Like I would come and make believe family. Just insane shit. Just remember you're now dealing with a betrayer and she can NEVER be trusted again.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/25 01:17 PM
2

First, document. Get it in record through either text or email. "Hey babe, did you do the thing we spoke about? It's really hard to work a full day and try to take care of this while you're at home all day." Screenshot her answers.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/25 12:47 PM
3

I agree with what others are saying. Really make sure this is the right decision for you. On the other hand, no kids, married only two years, you should have zero issues. Especially if she makes more than you.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/25 03:40 AM
12

Silver lining is she's at least using it on the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 05:12 PM
3

Big picture, if she makes more than you it should be a very clean break. Looks like you've kept most everything separate. If there's no minor children involved and it's uncontested, you can have this wrapped up in 6 months.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 01:50 AM
3

Without having an idea of your assets and liabilities I don't think we can give you a solution. What if the divorce is contested and that 0% APR now jumps to 18.5% after a year?
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 01:28 AM
3

Hope you can figure it out man. I'm sure it's not easy.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 12:36 AM
14

Took the bullshit out of ny dining room and put a ping pong table in there. Now me and the kids play ping pong in the house and it's amazing. Also bought some neon light signs for that room.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 12:03 AM
16

Man I've had some great ones. One of the ladies gave me so much head I no shit lost some skin of my dick. It was amazing. But honestly the best is Sundays drinking coffee at my kitchen table without a woman huffing, puffing, and rage cleaning. God forbid I enjoy a cup of coffee Sunday morning. Sunday mornings are soooo relaxing now.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 12:01 AM
8

Brother if getting right for kids ain't enough, I don't know what to tell you. Get outside, get sunlight, go for a walk. Ref the possible tumor, definitely push hard on them to diagnose. Just lost a friend to a treatable brain tumor because his doctors misdiagnosed and he didn't advocate hard enough. None of this stuff has killed you but it can if you don't take steps today. Do it for yourself and your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 05:46 PM
3

This is pretty much where I'm at as well. She cheated. Besides that she's a decent Mom and hasn't not fought me on anything. Finalize in December.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 03:43 PM
3

Are you still married to her? You have kids with her?
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 10:41 AM
8

I help her where I can, sometimes. If I'm doing a grocery run sometimes I'll ask her if she needs anything. The relationship I have with her is strictly for our kids benefit. My kids are older - 20, 18, 13 - so I'm trying to be mature and take the high road. Now don't get me wrong, she's definitely a cheating whore, a betrayer, and when I do look at her I just see a sad woman who threw away a great life so she "could feel alive." So I care about her in the sense that she's still my kids Mom and …
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 10:29 AM
4

While there are a ton of fatties there's some diamonds in the rough. The ones I've gone out with have had great bodies so far.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 01:17 AM
3

Stating intentions right off the bat is the game changer. Sometimes that's all they want too.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 01:16 AM
5

FB Dating is the ez button. You're not wrong at all. I actually turned my profile off because I had started dating several ladies and couldn't handle anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 10:38 PM
9

Believe it or not, most of the women appreciate the honesty and most are looking for the same. Tell them you're just looking for casual and be honest. It's when you say you want a relationship but really wanna hook up is when you get in trouble.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 10:15 PM
13

Just casually date. It's not hard at all.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 09:44 PM
22

I will tell you I would've bet my life that she wasn't having an affair. She hid it well and I told her she should've won best actress. 100% shocked that she would do that after 20 years, 3 kids. Gave her everything she wanted. Complete loyalty. Absolutely blindsided. When I found the text messages I was shaking uncontrollably. Just insane.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 02:13 AM
2

Oh ya. I'm picking up what you're putting down.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 12:01 AM
2

Dude I thought about it. No way someone finds. I threw it in some nasty swampy shit. If someone finds it down there, man I hope they can turn its luck.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 11:11 PM
8

Found my wife's affair one month after our 20th anniversary. Threw my ring off a bridge by my house as I drove across it. What would have been our 21st anniversary is about 2 months out and I'm sure I'll reminisce but I absolutely won't say shit to her. My only legal responsibility to her now is $2k alimony a month. That's it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 09:46 PM
6

My ex is smoking hot. How do you weave her into the dating scene? Do these women know your ex?
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 08:09 PM
6

If you're both not happy, there's two options. One, do the hard work to save it. Two, recognize that you're both not happy, cut your losses and move on. With no kids it should be extremely easy.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 02:48 PM
7

Mine did the same after 20 years. She'd packed on maybe an extra 30 pounds for for the last few years of our marriage, she'd routinely tell me she's not a Barbie and never will be. Now mind you she knew how to work out. She'd competed in bikini and had an amazing body before. Looking back, it's almost like she was trying to get me to not like her. Anyways, soon as I found the affair she dropped 30 pounds literally overnight. It did piss me off that she decided to do that for a total scumbag. Not…
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 10:48 AM
9

Cheers, brother!
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 01:40 AM
9

He told her all his problems. She thought she could fix him. He in turn told her everything she wanted to hear. She was her "soulmate." Those are her exact words. Soulmate lol.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 01:00 AM
10

I told my parents, my brothers, and a very select close friends. I'd say 90% of the people me and her know, have no idea. I'd love to shout it out but ultimately it would just hurt my kids. My kids are older - 20, 18, 13 - and they know the truth. My ex will live with that for the rest of her life. Lost her family and my family for some ex-convict dick. She lives alone and our kids don't visit her.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 12:34 AM
11

Married again to a suitable woman sounds like a recipe for another shitty divorce. My non-medical advice would be don't search for a suitable wife.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 11:18 PM
4

For uncontested divorce, I paid a $2,500 retainer and that should take me through when we finalized at the end of the year.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 06:22 PM
3

Absolutely correct. Marriage in this day and age is asking to the government to take your money.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 04:28 PM
2

Probably when the separation date is.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 01:54 PM
2

I don't think so.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 01:53 PM
3

Nothing. Just said have fun.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 01:53 PM
10

It's called Hypergamy. Women are climbers and will always be looking for someone who can provide a better life. It's their programming. Sucks but that's the way it is.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 11:32 AM
3

15 year old is fine to stay home alone and probably loves it. 11 year old probably not. I have two girls (20, 18) in college who live at home and will watch my son (13) if I go out. I spent the night at ladies houses and just communicate with the kids and the ex. I give the ex a courtesy heads up I'll be out of town for the night. If she goes out of town, she'll let me and the kids know as well.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 10:49 AM
1

If you're seriously worried about her cleaning you out, you should separate and that way you're protected at least.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 10:15 PM
4

You'll be on the hook for child support based on income differences. Retirement accounts won't factor into the child support calculation. That will just be straight up calculation based on your state. Retirement accounts are up for grabs. Depends on how hard she goes after you. If you both agree to not touch each others, you should be safe. You might be on the hook for a few years of spousal support - if she pushes hard. A lot will depend on her lawyer and her disgruntled divorced chicken head f…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 10:00 PM
2

You have kids involved?
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 09:44 PM
3

Depends on how contentious you think it's gonna be. If you think it's gonna be nasty, better liquidate and "lose" some money gambling.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 09:38 PM
3

Not once. Just enjoying life in her apartment.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 06:01 PM
3

Amen. I just bought tickets to the Daytona 500 and it was so easy. Kids, wanna go see the Daytona 500? Yes! Okay done. No crying about money or kids missing a school day. It's very nice.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 04:17 PM
3

After I moved out of my parents house at 18, I never celebrated my own. Not really my thing. For me, it's just another day. However, I know some people who definitely celebrate and that's cool too. Maybe go get a good meal and a movie?
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 12:29 PM
4

Document it all! You can get her for martial waste.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 11:18 AM
3

Took my kids to Switzerland and Italy. Fun and stress free.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 10:56 AM
2

Absolutely
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 09:33 AM
7

That was my biggest issue with our divorce. We had normal issues as do all long term marriages but we never said the word divorce or anything like that. She chose this route alone.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 09:32 AM
4

I'd write this but never send it to her.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 11:03 PM
8

Separated since December and I've had decent luck. Key is to not take any woman seriously or at their word. Like Neil Mcauley said in Heat, "Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner."
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 10:15 PM
4

I wouldn't discuss any terms whatsoever until you've spoken with a lawyer in Ohio.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 07:08 PM
4

Most important, understand the laws of your state. Some are different when it comes to recording.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 06:16 PM
3

Oh man there's stay behind audio recorders on TikTok and Amazon you can buy. They're like $30 and can record up to 100 hours.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 12:50 PM
4

Whatever you do get it into an agreement first.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 12:49 PM
7

I made her leave and she agreed. So it was easy for me.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 01:16 AM
10

Appreciate you
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 05:53 PM
10

Absolutely changed my outlook towards women.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 04:36 PM
7

100%
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 04:36 PM
9

This is correct. We were married 20 for of my 26 years of service. The computation came out to about 40%. She took 32% after proof of infidelity.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 04:12 PM
9

Not doing bad at all. Dating, enjoying my peace. Spending great time with kids.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 04:07 PM
8

My lawyer is female and she's a killer. Very happy either way her. Saved me so much money.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 01:57 PM
8

Brother, this is not the way. You need to consult with a lawyer this week and figure a way ahead. What your wife has told you makes you a straight cuck. She wants to live at home, use your money and assets while she goes and fucks dudes. Does that sound like a good way to live? No. Consult with a lawyer this week. Draw up separation paperwork and figure out who gets what. This is not the way to live.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 01:06 PM
14

My wife's lawyer even told her to lie to me even with all the evidence.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 01:01 PM
10

I would've bet my life that it wasn't the case. I was sadly proven wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 01:00 PM
16

If it ain't physical it's damn sure emotional. Social media made it too easy.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 12:09 PM
8

It's normal to replay your life and figure out where you could've done better. If she called for a separation out of the blue, I wouldn't put cheating out of your mind, on her part. Women will come home, cook you dinner, watch TV with you, right after they fucked another man AND text that dude while watching TV with you.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 11:37 AM
3

Ya man. Sunday morning rage clean. Obnoxious as fuck. Everyone sleeping enjoying a day of relaxation. Dishes clanking, loud ads vacuuming. Just insane stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 12:49 AM
7

It's the marital home. You don't and shouldn't move out until there's an agreement in place.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 01:15 PM
2

It's grief and there is no set timeline. Each person has their own unique timeline and ways to cope. You're going to process this longer than two months and the most important thing to remember is that's okay and it's healthy. You're going to replay your relationship and look for where things could have been different. All normal. Some people use mantras, positive affirmations, and some people go fishing or to the gym. Experiment and find what helps you. Just stay away from the booze. Focus on m…
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 11:36 AM
2

Ya it drove me nuts. When the lights did go out, she'd be on her phone which was as bright as the sun. Then random text message dings in the middle of the night or Fb pings.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 10:41 AM
2

Happy for you brother!
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 10:30 AM
5

There is absolute peace once you've processed it. I pay $2k a month in alimony but I still managed to take my kids to Europe, college football games, and whatever else. I don't have a negative Nancy who would shoot down anything fun because of money. Mind you, she spent $500-750 a week at target and more on Amazon. But god forbid I buy some protein powder at GNC.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 01:44 AM
7

I've actually been enjoying my peace and quiet. I don't have a woman rage cleaning the house at 7am Sunday morning or 5 Amazon boxes showing up every day. Definitely don't miss her turning on the lights in our room when I was asleep so she could get ready for the next day. Only reason I worry about her choices is I know it would have a negative effect on my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 01:20 AM
3

They are absolutely smart. My girls definitely knew what was happening between us.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 12:15 AM
4

It would've been a lot harder but her betrayal was pretty bad. Plus I had access to her text messages which showed how fucked up she was.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 08:52 PM
12

Married 20 years, caught my wife in an affair with her co-worker. Initially, I didn't know how to tell the kids (20, 18, 13). However, when I discovered dude was a felon for domestic violence, I showed the kids the police report, showed him a picture of the guy, gave them his name. I did this because my wife basically had a mid life crisis and her lizard brain took over. She couldn't be trusted and I knew she might try to bring the guy around the kids. I wanted them to know for their safety. Fro…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 05:04 PM
4

Separated 9 months, no sex. I think in this time we've hugged once. We are cordial for the kids and respectful. Caught her cheating with her co-worker. Dude she cheated with is an ex-con so I'm sure she got something from him and I don't want any of that.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 01:46 PM
3

Marriage is definitely not easy and takes serious work. I recommend for your boys sake, sit down with your wife and have a serious conversation. Let her truly know how you feel. Try to make her understand. She may have some issues with you as well. At least give it a shot. When the kids are that young it's hard because a lot of energy goes into just feeding, cleaning, and raising them. If she's not wanting to at least listen or work with you, maybe time to pursue separation.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 01:07 PM
3

Some will, absolutely.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 01:03 PM
2

Could be postpartum depression. My ex had it after our 3rd kid and she was never the same after. I think it permanently altered her brain. Whatever she has going on, address it now.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 12:55 PM
5

Ya they did that as well. Parking lots, boat ramps, behind pizza places.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 05:43 PM
5

lol
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 05:42 PM
12

Mine wanted to get railed by her ex-convict co-worker behind a pizza parlor. Super classy
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 04:59 PM
7

Absolutely will not get married again for live with a woman. Seeing a girl right now and I'll stay at her place for a night here and there and that's perfect.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 04:30 PM
1

If you're happier without her tell her to cancel the flight.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 09:38 AM
2

Definitely be on the hook for child support and most likely spousal support for a set number of years. Lifetime Alimony most likely not. Recommend you sit down with your wife and let her know you're unhappy. She probably feels the same way. Maybe it's salvageable. If it's not, start the separation and see how it goes.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 09:32 AM
5

You need to document this. Screen shot the withdrawal. Email or text her a screenshot and ask what is going on and why was money taken out of savings. Screen shot her response. Whatever you do, don't lose your cool.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/25 09:40 PM
3

Brother let her keep them. Love my cats and dog but they're basically children and cost money every month. Also can't go over night. Let her deal with that shit and start over.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/25 08:09 PM
8

Absolutely. This is more just an observation. I've moved on and been having a great time with the single ladies.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/25 07:30 PM
16

I think she is starting to feel the regret. She blew up our family and lost everything. She's alone and lives in an apartment. She sees our kids maybe twice a week. She's been making my favorite foods and dropping them off at the house. Financially she is barely making it even after my $2k monthly alimony. When she falls off my insurance at the end of the year I think that will probably sink her. She lost all our mutual friends. All my family. Very sad.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/25 06:34 PM
2

The truth is that you're not the same person you were when you got married. Neither is she. Somewhere you two lost the connection and you both didn't put in the work to reconnect. It happens to everyone for the most part. I definitely feel you with the dimming of your fire. I love to have fun, make jokes, and I absolutely love Hawaiian shirts. My ex would constantly shit on me for wearing a Hawaiian shirt to a damn BBQ. Even caught her throwing some of my shirts away once. I will tell you there'…
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/25 01:11 PM
6

I'm truly happy for couples that I see who are truly in love. No FakeBook photos but treating each the right way in public places and being good people. Hate the couples where I know my buddies are truly unhappy.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/25 11:08 AM
5

Absolutely. Can't take this shit lying down.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/25 11:06 AM
20

Police report asap. No comms with your kids is a police report. Call her idiot family too.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/25 01:20 AM
9

This is simple. Trust your gut.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/25 12:54 AM
2

I totally get the acting part. Exactly what I told my ex. Told her she should've won best actress award.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/25 06:09 PM
4

Probably 4-5 months. Really made progress once she got out of the house.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/25 05:13 PM
2

Do you have a separation agreement in place? If not, get that done before you start planning. That will at least get you two legally separated and protect both of you.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/25 11:56 AM
3

I've absolutely used my drives home to have conversations with her about what she did and why. It is very therapeutic.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/25 11:54 AM
13

One of her chicken head friends probably told her to watch attachment style videos so she can label you as an avoidant to justify leaving or cheating. Best bet, ask her what the issue is. Remember, these women instruct other women to plan for years to leave. Maybe she's somewhere in the planning stage. Either way, ask her questions now. Trust your gut.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 01:49 PM
4

Ya this is incomplete. Court could even say that's too low or she could come back for more if it's not handled right.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 10:36 AM
2

lol
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 10:26 AM
13

I think that's the key - recognizing the red flags and dipping out. Especially the ones that like to play silly games. Just dip out. I'm 7 months post separation and have had some good luck on the apps and in person. All casual and nothing serious. Will definitely never let a woman fuck with my life again.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 12:17 AM
4

Start dating.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 02:13 PM
21

Let me translate. She's met someone at CrossFit. Simple. She wasn't getting in shape for you or tattoos for you. Like some others have said, it's business now.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 10:38 AM
4

💯
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 10:05 AM
2

It's in the Facebook app
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 09:58 AM
8

I'd spend some cash and do a background on the dude. My idiot ex thought she found her "soulmate" and wanted to introduce our kids. Did a $30 background check and found out he was a felon for domestic abuse, 3 DUIs, bankrupt, and a slew of other things. Do a background check on him while you have young kids.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 06:06 PM
1

I don't get these schedules either but if they work for someone they work. I believe there were some studies done that shorter durations were better for younger kids.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 11:36 AM
2

Free dating service on Facebook. It's pretty good.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 10:36 AM
2

I haven't. I've had good luck with Facebook dating and some friends making introductions.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 12:08 AM
4

I kept the house but only until the youngest is done with high school (current 8th grader). After that I'll sell and downsize and leave the area.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 10:26 PM
1

They won't factor in health especially since you're military. They're gonna do straight pay diff and custody.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 04:09 PM
2

Man I found this one song and it's so emo and embarrassing but it really hits to the core. Fair warning, super emo. https://youtu.be/YwUVZid6toE?si=cQVdRlOkGIC6G8kb Other than this, 90s country on Pandora is amazing.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 02:52 PM
10

Spot on. She's shacking up and bringing an adult special needs. Wild
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/25 12:42 PM
7

Do what you feel is right but you just invited some serious chaos. A woman, a special needs adult, and cat. That's a lot of shit man. Here's the truth, she wants to live rent free. She is shacking up. But if you're happy, go for it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/25 11:52 AM
23

Out of the blue is almost always an affair. Usually a co-worker.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 12:53 PM
7

You should read state of affairs by Weather Perel. She has good data sets and provides a lot of examples of why both men and women cheat. Some women and men are just damaged goods. Some are "driven" to cheat to make up for something they're not getting. Get the book.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 12:22 PM
1

90s country on Pandora is 🔥
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 02:18 AM
5

Once mine is finalized I'll be changing the dynamic. But until then, I'm keeping it as smooth as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 01:52 AM
4

She has good manners when she comes over. I caught her in an affair and it's for the most part ruined her life. No friends. My family was her family. She's rightfully carries a good amount of shame. Even with alimony, she struggles but that's the choice she made. I'm very indifferent toward her when she visits. I just go about my normal business and don't say much to her.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 01:42 AM
6

I've been separated for 7 months. Kids (20, 18, 13) are in school and live with me full time. Ex lives in an apartment 30 mins away and the kids do not visit her. She comes over after to work a few times a week. I allow this because it lets her see the kids. That's good for them which is good for me. I date other women but do not introduce them to the kids or have them over. I think in your situation, especially after 15 years, you can do whatever you want. Sounds like your wife is extremely lon…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 01:23 AM
4

Absolutely agree.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 02:21 PM
4

The so what is this is for divorced men. Not women scorned. There's plenty of sub reddits for these women.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 02:04 PM
12

Man I love the games with the boys. We talk shit, insult, and honestly it's some of the best therapy there is.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 01:28 PM
3

This is Divorce Men.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 12:47 PM
2

Amen.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 12:46 PM
10

Married 20 years, 3 kids (20, 18, 13). Day after Christmas she woke me up on the middle of the night and said she wanted a divorce. Mind you, we never said that word, ever. Never did marriage counseling. Never had issues except normal shit married people will argue about. No drugs, alcohol, abuse, financial issues. Four out a few weeks later she'd been having an affair with a co-worker who was also a convicted felon for domestic abuse. Wild. Reflecting on it now, I didn't do enough homework on h…
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 11:40 AM
3

Just gotta imagine how that would crush your daughter without you. You would effectively take your life and pretty much ruin hers. You'd be taking two lives. I don't know what you do for work or recreation but if you're not taking care of you mind, body, and spirit, you need to start doing that asap. There's free groups in every town.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 01:40 AM
4

Do you want to try and work things out or are you done? Is this the first time divorce has been mentioned? If it's out of the blue, strong chance she has or had someone on the side. Usually a co-worker. Two options. If you think it can be saved, go for it. Have a heart to heart and figure out the issue. If it can't be saved, you need to pursue a legal separation ASAP to protect yourself and to start the divorce process. Legal separation will allow you to protect your money and figure out if ther…
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 01:25 AM
2

I know it sucks. It sucks and it hurts. But be thankful she did this before you had kids, house, retirement accounts. There's a silver lining here. You'll come out of this stronger and better.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/25 11:07 PM
19

It's temporary. Caught my wife of 20 years in an affair with her co-worker last year. Took about 6 months to process. Lots and lots of cardio sessions replaying my life with her and what caused it. Ultimately, she's the one who made the choice. Woke up one day and was over it. Started a FB dating profile and have been having great luck so far. Fun sex. Pro tip - don't drink too heavy before your first time with a new lady. Anxiety plus alcohol will kill your dick.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/25 08:30 PM
9

I had a solid run before I got married. I'm already in good shape. Just had to just off the old skills through a few first dates and I was back on my game. Everything still applies. Women love confidence. A majority of them don't want a white knight. They want confidence, someone to lead, and someone to tell them the truth. Basically, don't give a shit about them and they seem to love that as well.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/25 09:31 AM
7

Mine was a standard gold band I got for maybe $50, 20 years ago. Tossed it out the window while I was driving over a bridge. I hung onto it for a few months but decided it's cursed and wanted it away from me.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 09:42 PM
3

And that's fine. A lot to process.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 09:14 PM
5

That's how much I paid for uncontested.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 08:21 PM
11

Brother, she's just a woman and she can't force you to do anything. Sack up and tell her nothing will happen until you get to court. She's trying to pull a fast one on you.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 08:06 PM
5

This is a good news story. Well done, Sir! I like how you correlate the suit to armor. I always tell my kids that as long as they're doing the right thing, the shield of righteousness will always be on our side.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 04:59 PM
4

I'd get rid of the landline phone and have a serious conversation with you ex.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 03:22 PM
5

My co-worker's contested divorce has been going on three years.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 01:16 PM
3

Very happy for you, brother!
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 12:45 PM
3

Brother I know it sucks cancelling your plans but your boy is only 6 once. That boy is gonna grow so fast you won't believe it. Cherish that time and take as much as you can.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 01:33 AM
2

Jesus
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 07:01 PM
3

That's a great point on uninsured medical expenses.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 06:33 PM
2

Man if she gets a wild lawyer, could be rough. Fingers crossed it's smooth for you.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 05:15 PM
3

Make sure she has a lawyer - not yours - review it. She can claim later on that she didn't have legal advice.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 04:53 PM
3

Get it in writing with the separation agreement, specifically for a move out date. That will help motivate her to get out. In my separation agreement we had a no later than date and she actually moved out 5 months ahead of that which was great. Also get in writing about the equity of the house. We agreed that the house cannot be sold until the youngest graduates high school which is in 6 years. Gives all the kids stability. Thankfully she didn't push a sale.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 03:37 PM
2

Yep we have that in the agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 03:19 PM
2

Got it. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 03:03 PM
3

Okay I'll check the separation agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 02:58 PM
7

I promise the questions you want to ask can be answered here. Ask away.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 10:39 AM
3

Oh man risky. Are you legally separated?
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 09:27 AM
20

Your ex and that dude are both scumbags and they'll have some karma at some point. My ex cheated. Dude knew she was married. Ultimately it's her fault but in a perfect world I'd like to send dude to hotel California. I feel your pain.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 10:57 PM
–

About 7 months since she asked for a divorce and 6 months since I found she'd actually been having an affair. Because one of our kids is a minor, we have to wait one year before we can finalize.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 08:10 PM
2

Really depends on the length of the marriage and if she's been working or at least has the ability to work. I'm paying $2k alimony a month after 20 years of marriage. She's worked that past 5 years but was only making about $3k a month.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 04:11 PM
17

About 3-4 months before she randomly woke me up in the middle of the night to say she wanted a divorce. "I just want to be alone." Haha
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 04:10 PM
1

I think it's admirable to stay for the boys. I'm not advocating for divorce here but think about how your boys are looking at you and wife's relationship. Would you want your boys to be married like that?
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 03:32 PM
2

Fingers crossed!
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 02:28 PM
2

I wouldn't give up hope. My wife stepped out and I got a fairly good deal because I live in at fault state and I have proof. I pay $2k alimony, no CS, no spousal support. Crazy they get rewarded. Hoping she gets remarried asap so that alimony goes away.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 02:00 PM
1

Definitely run all this through a good divorce attorney. Make sure you have the complete picture of assets and liabilities. You need to document the pull stealing. Report it if need be. Get a lawyer. Protect yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 01:08 PM
3

Sit down and talk with her. She might feel the same. You guys might come out stronger after a good talk. If not and there's no progress. Pull the plug.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 11:41 AM
1

So thankful my cameras are mounted to where she can't reach them.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 11:39 AM
8

I think a lot of us need to be reminded about it. We get caught up in the grind with work, kids sports and school, and we forget about ourselves. It's in our nature to put others first, especially the family.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 10:52 AM
7

Emotionally, 100% yes. Financially, if I would've asked for help I have no doubt some would help.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 10:36 AM
5

I don't think it would hurt to call the family.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 10:35 AM
1

I'm starting to see signs. Past couple weeks she's been texting me and the kids old family photos. Yesterday she asked if she could make dinner for the kids and she made my favorite meal. I think reality is setting in for her. I'll never take her back though.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 10:32 AM
29

The blindside is almost always because she has an active affair going on. You need to get all the phone records this week to include text. You can see who's she calling and texting and you should be able to rule out almost 90% of the numbers. Get an STI test this week. Keep your cool. Do not move out. KEEP YOUR COOL. Groveling time is done now. This is business now. You need a lawyer this week. Don't fuck around. Get a damn lawyer. Tell your wife you'd like all conversations to be recorded for a…
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 12:49 AM
6

Get outside and get your heart rate up. Whatever you need to do to get a good sweat going.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 07:38 PM
1

Amen
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 03:31 PM
1

Plan stuff for the days you have them. Park, hike, walk, something. They're older now and naturally want to be with their friends. Offer to drive them to the beach or something.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 01:06 PM
3

Sucks man. How is she allowed to take custodial time for girls 304 trips?
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 12:56 PM
1

Retired from the Army last year. Married 20 years. My VA disability along with my retirement and current job was all calculated together for alimony payment. Because she cheated and I had proof, alimony was significantly reduced. But yes, all of your retirement, 401k, all of it will be calculated and since she hasn't worked, it could be ugly. On the other hand, if you paid those student loans and she has a degree, and is able to work, that might count for something.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 12:48 PM
13

I think it definitely helps with their confirmation bias because their algorithm changes to feed them that. It's not only tiktok, it's all socials. Old trusty though are the bitter divorced hens that love to add another woman to their group.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 04:18 PM
2

Let her walk herself into it. If there's people there like your family, she's going to just leave. She'll be embarrassed and leave. If it's you, just talk with her and let her admit it, if she does.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 04:00 PM
3

Absolutely agree public place, just be careful that it's no an ambush.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 04:00 PM
7

They are social climbers and grifters. Sorry man.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 02:26 PM
5

Shit I pay that in alimony a year. I'd take that and run. Be done with her ass.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 01:47 PM
7

Definitely a bunch of shitty people with low morals and character. Fuck them.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 12:37 PM
2

lol seriously. It's the classic 6ft, drug dealer, criminal, alcoholic dude that these lizard brains get hot for. Maybe I'll hold up a liquor store.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 12:36 PM
6

I'd be tempted to send the recording to her new man but ultimately, block and delete. She's obviously still thinking about you and in her drunk moment, her lizard brain defaulted to you. She probably felt guilt and shame and lizard brain told her to call you. Sucks she fucked yo your mood but be thankful she's another man's problem now.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 12:20 PM
14

Damn 50% equity for 6 years is fucking insane. Why men even get married now blows my mind.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 12:16 PM
2

I'd caution against a public accusation with witnesses. Your wife will definitely be hostile and while it will feel great, long term might not be great for the divorce process.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 11:52 AM
7

Day after Christmas she woke me up at night night and said she wanted a divorce. Mind you, we had never ever even said that or had had issues. Come to find out she was having an affair with a convicted felon at her work.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 01:04 AM
6

I went through this last year. Do not let her know you know. Continue to collect info. When you confront her, make sure it's in a public place. I did Starbucks. Voice record her. Ask her if she wants to tell you anything. After that, every interaction must be recorded.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 10:12 PM
3

Whatever you bought while married is marital property. If you contributed to the maintenance and upkeep of the rental, you're entitled to the equity you put in while married. Of course, you need to consult with a divorce attorney on this and figure out where things lay.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 01:01 PM
13

Ya that's on your EX. Three years and she's still acting like that?! I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 11:08 AM
13

Been there and it sucks. No way around. My ex did the same shit. All you can do is take mental notes, and just focus on you and your kids. Take the high road. Your kids will figure it out later. My ex ran through several men literally within days of separation. Now she's alone in an apartment and our kids don't even visit her. She lives 30 mins away and maybe sees them once a week for an hour or so. My point, be the best Dad you can be. Be there for your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 11:07 AM
2

Completely normal feelings to have. I had to get on some lite sleep meds that shut my brain off because like you, I was running a scenarios at night and could not sleep. Maybe talk to you Doctor and see if you can get a prescription.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 11:05 AM
5

Get a lawyer man. Step 1, lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 10:59 AM
3

Never. I really don't even see her as human.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 12:09 AM
3

Depending on how long you were married I'm sure it's normal. Dreams are wild.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 08:14 PM
4

I have a female lawyer and she's a straight killer. She was upfront and honest with me about everything. My friend recommended her to me and I've been extremely fortunate so far.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 04:08 PM
5

Sounds like you've made a decision. I'd do some divorce attorney shopping and pay for a couple consults. Usually there's trustworthy reviews on Facebook and Google. When you go, make sure you have a complete financial understanding of your assets and debts. Have W2s for you and her ready. The more accurate info you can share with the lawyer at the first meeting, the better the lawyer can serve you. Be prepared to discuss the house and if you or her would move out. Would you sell it? You need to …
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 02:47 PM
6

I think you're wrong right off the bat because you're assuming everyone will operate in good faith AND character. Perfect world, absolutely but this is not a perfect world so you just gotta assume the worst, hope for the best.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 02:07 PM
4

Yep I've been healing with some nice local Ladies and it's been great.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 01:50 PM
3

If you've already sat down with her and had these conversations and there's been no change, do not wait two years. I had talks with my ex as well. About her weight gain. About sex. She told me she's not going to be a Barbie for me and that she could go a year without sex. Fast forward to end of 2024 and she's now a sexual dynamo for another man and dropped 30 pounds. Back down to pre baby weight. My point is she just may not be willing to change for you. In my case, my ex blew up our lives to sl…
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 01:31 PM
2

I gave everything to this woman. Steady, loyal, brought her into my amazing family. Paid her way through college with my GI bill. She ended up having a mid-life crisis after her Dad died which included sleeping with her co-worker. Basic meltdown. Did marriage counseling but her brain was fried at that point. She was doing her "healing journey."
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 12:53 PM
3

Went during and after. I learned that it wasn't that valuable for me. Everything I spoke about with two different therapists I spoke to my brothers and very good friends about. I didn't have child hood trauma, my parents were amazing. No drugs or abuse in my marriage. I just failed lit fully understand my ex's history which was polar opposite to mine. It eventually caught up to her.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 11:13 AM
5

Before you do this I highly recommend you have some serious conversations with you wife. You're both going through the empty nest phase and things will change. At least do some counseling with her if she's open to that. If you still feel the same after that then you have your answer.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 11:10 AM
4

I agree to take the high road but also keep a record of this. If you're hearing it from multiple people you could take her to court for slander and reputation harm.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 11:01 AM
9

Sounds like she's fishing. Had a random chick do this to me a couple weeks ago. Called then hung up. Texted random shit. Called and hung up. Too much to be random. Hit the block button.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 10:56 AM
2

10 weeks is a solid notice. Can you go face to face with the ex at drop off? I'd get a custody agreement in place.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 06:21 PM
2

If marriage is on the table you need to lay out the finances for her. If she's makes 3-4 times as much as you and she doesn't recognize that or offer to take care of some stuff, maybe think what that means long term. One of the women I'm seeing now makes more than me and she has no issues contributing to things we do. She'll bring nice wine, use her rewards points to score us sweet hotels for travel. Definitely needs to be brought up and made very clear that you expect her to contribute. You can…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 03:16 PM
6

The shame I feel for not embracing Love Island, Love on the Spectrum, and 30 day fiancée still haunts me 😂
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 02:32 PM
4

Definitely a rough few months as I learned more about the affair and came to terms with it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 01:21 PM
16

I noticed it when her Dad passed. She started watching all these ridiculous love island reality shows. She would watch teenage shot and I'd ask how the fuck can she watch this? Like 30 day fiance trash shows. Started reading mommy porn books. Started hanging out with some bitter divorced women. Then she fucked a dude at her work and now she lives alone.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 10:45 AM
20

She's been cheating on you and finally decided to pull the trigger. They're great at hiding these things. My ex did the same thing. Within a week she was on dating sites and I was taking my brain about how can my wife of 20 years, mother to our three kids, move on so fast?! Turns out she'd been cheating for a while and felt comfortable enough to ask for a divorce. Now that's she's been run through by a bunch of guys she's sending old family photos to me and the kids. She knows she fucked up. Liv…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 10:39 AM
6

Dealt with this for about 3 months. Wife cheated and basically melted down from there. I moved into the guest bedroom and we became roommates over night. 3 older kids in the house. They knew what happened and for the most part handled it well. I setup a Google nest camera in the guest bedroom so anytime she tried to talk with me or when I was gone, it caught her. I told her that all conversations would be recorded for my safety and hers. Soon as she started talking to me, phone out, hit record. …
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 09:32 AM
9

It's the booze man. Booze kills our dicks.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 09:09 AM
5

Separated and never felt guilty. Don't be crying in front of these women either because I lost out on an opportunity with a young attractive woman who said recently divorces cry and their dicks don't work.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 11:03 PM
4

I would t buy shit until divorce is finalized.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 06:20 PM
10

I've seen that attorneys videos and I wish they were shown to men and women. At least get a pre-nup and truly understand what's at risk.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 04:25 PM
36

Checks out. They all believe there's a billionaire Vampire/Werewolf man waiting to rescue them. Big surprise, dudes will fuck anything then leave.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 04:07 PM
18

There is zero upside for men in marriage. Skydiving is statistically safer than marriage by a wide margin. With the current state of modern women, their mommy porn novels, and instant gratification on social media - women instigate over 70% of divorces in this country. Think about it. If someone said there is a 50% chance that when you walk out of this building, you will be killed by a falling piece of concrete, would you? They will take half your shit, half the time of your kids, and in my case…
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 03:48 PM
3

You're braver than me.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 02:40 PM
11

My ex (46) did this. Made it seem like her extremely comfortable life was smothering her. She "wasn't fun anymore." Bottom line - they will say whatever is needed to justify their actions. Her actions now result in her seeing her own children once a week for maybe an hour or two.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 09:50 AM
6

Go pay for a divorce attorney consult TODAY! she's over the marriage and now out for herself. Now is the time to protect yourself but protect yourself the right and legal way. You need to get separated. She can try to hide her new money but ultimately she won't be able to. W2s are a real thing. Lawyer up this week or you will get shit on.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 09:21 AM
2

Absolutely and one day at a time. You're on your own timeline not anyone else's.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 11:11 PM
3

It's good to vent and put it down. It's almost like the scene from Green Mile when dude eats all the cancer then spits it out.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 10:18 PM
19

Out of the blue means there's another dude. Look for the clues and trust your gut.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 07:53 PM
3

I think that's a normal and healthy reaction to have on your part. Good luck in the next chapter.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 07:29 PM
2

It's definitely interesting.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 04:13 PM
1

45 here and currently separated after 20 years. I waited about 6 months and jumped into casual dating. I've had good luck with Facebook dating. It's free. Don't use anything else but that unless you wanna lose money. My advice, go into dating with ZERO expectations and you'll be fine. I will tell you, it's an amazing feeling to be with a woman who actually wants to spend time with you, touch you, talk to you. Just be advised to keep it casual. Casual, casual.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 11:34 AM
6

Get with a lawyer in your state and run the numbers. That's the first step. You need a complete picture of debts and assets.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 10:23 PM
5

This is very real about sabotage. Went out with a girl for a few weeks. Regular and good conversations. Saw each other twice a week for dinner and drinks. Went on a double date with her best friend and her husband. She started acting up and being rude half way through the date and I heard her friend keep whispering to her "stop sabotaging this""!"
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 02:19 PM
3

Definitely get a lawyer or at least consult with one. Whatever your disability is, get into physical therapy and work on your health. Too young to throw in the towel.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 01:15 PM
5

A separation agreement will spell out who pays what and what % until you finalize the divorce. Prevents her from taking debt in your name and her from you doing the same.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 01:08 PM
3

Sorry man. She'd probably been cheating for a while. They're very good at hiding it. You need to initiate a legal separation to protect yourself and your kids. If you're a stay at home Dad, you'll obviously get some kind of spousal support for a while and if you get 50/50, maybe child support. Document everything right now.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 12:38 PM
4

Is there a separation agreement in place yet? If not, get that done asap.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 12:14 PM
4

I think that's good because one, you got some date reps under your belt. It's been 20 years and experience is experience in this day. Two, at least they didn't drag you on for a few months then plunge the dagger on you. Be yourself and be confident. Don't give up.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 12:05 PM
5

That's rough and I feel your pain. I'm 45 and my kids are older but I promise you there's women out there. Just focus on yourself, being the best Dad you can be, and I promise a good woman will come into your life.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 12:00 PM
6

Absolutely vented to my brothers and a few very close friends. Have vented here in this forum as well. Definitely helps to talk about it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 11:54 AM
2

I hate those damn groups
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 03:30 PM
3

I've live all across the country. If you're looking to stay in the EST zone, I recommend Tampa or any suburb of DC. Tampa has great weather and a shit ton of single women. DC is has a lot of work opportunities and successful, professional oriented women.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 01:31 PM
2

Ya I guess that's a deal breaker ahaha! Next ladies I need to establish there are no good night texts.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 11:37 AM
12

45 and I'm paying $2k a month alimony. Believe it or not, even paying that, I have more money with her gone. Goodbye weekly Target shopping sprees and daily deliveries of bullshit from Amazon.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 10:20 AM
2

I've had a lot of luck with Facebook dating. Shotgun approach. Blast them all. Filter them and move to text then a date.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 11:02 PM
4

You've been through the wringer man and I know it has not been easy. You got your kids and that's the best victory you can win. I'm sure they're hurting too. Come here to vent. It's always helpful to talk.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 07:00 PM
3

Love the password idea.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 05:38 PM
2

Why are you still cohabiting at 9 months after you filed? Probably feel a whole lot better if she was out of sight.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 05:09 PM
3

Congrats! I'll finalize mine at the new year. Can't wait.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 12:09 PM
1

Glad you made it to the other side and thank you for sharing.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 09:47 AM
2

I agree with KneeDeep. You have an advantage here. Go consult with a lawyer this week and work out a game plan. Get your documents and hers.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/25 10:36 PM
5

I'd love to see the stats because everytime I read about the hot wife thing or swingers, it ALWAYS crashes and burns.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/25 09:37 PM
5

Record it all. Keep a log.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/25 03:03 PM
4

Met my ex in the wild and found her cheating on me after 20 years. My good friend met his wife online and they've been married almost 20 and are very happy. I think it can go either way. I do know that social media absolutely plays a part. Especially how algorithms are built now. You search one thing and your feed becomes everything about what you searched. Shit I was talking about BigFoot the other day and I've been inundated with adds for everything Bigfoot. Now imagine your spouse searches up…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/25 02:14 PM
8

Absolutely agree that women are becoming more masculine. Of the women I've dated, none have offered to cook. They just want to drink bottles and bottles of wine. I haven't brought any of them back to my house or introduced any of them to my kids. I want my house to be free of any bullshit and a kind of sacred place for us.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/25 12:19 PM
5

If you're in the military you need to be prepared for the shit Storm she can cause, especially if you live on base. I would do everything you can to keep things civil until you return so she doesn't sell your shit. Use the time now to record all of her texts. Get your timeline figured out. Maybe involve the chain of command and let them know what you could be facing when you return. If she's talking divorce or separation get the legal separation done asap so she can't spend your money.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/25 12:04 PM
8

100% and got my vasectomy in May
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 10:42 PM
3

It's rough man. It's very rough. Took me about 6 months to get over it. Lots of processing
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 10:05 PM
2

Ah okay if she's been vocal about it, that changes things.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 09:42 PM
6

Thought the same thing. My wife went to work and straight home. Even had her location on Life360. Found out she was banging dudes in parking lots.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 09:41 PM
7

Absolutely correct about another man. If this is truly the first time she's said anything about being unhappy, never brought up marriage counseling, there's another man. Could only be emotional or maybe physical but there's another dude mixed in. These women read their mommy porn books and think there's a billionaire surgeon waiting to scoop them up. It's wild.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 09:26 PM
12

If she's never brought up divorce or marriage counseling, there's another man in the picture. Whether it's a co-worker or someone close to her. Trust your gut.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 09:24 PM
3

See I wouldn't mind something like that. I'm very happy you found someone who's fun and likes you.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 06:40 PM
2

They didn't know about each other. I was very present when I was with each one. We had fun. But because of work and kids we could only see each other so often.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 05:51 PM
10

Absolutely agree going younger. The middle aged ones my age (45) are set in their ways and just love to talk shit with their other, single divorced lady friends.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 04:44 PM
3

Ah ya that might work for some people but I'm not a monk.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 03:37 PM
8

It's a little different for me because I have two adult kids and one teenage boy. So they're doing college and involved with friends. I definitely do not want to juggle several women at once again. It did get a little stressful and made for a few long weekends. Ultimately just going to stick with one at a time. Much safer and less stress.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 03:01 PM
11

Right there with you. Married for 20 and found her cheating with a co-worker. Would've bet my life that would've never happened to me.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 02:59 PM
7

That was one of these ladies! Separated for 5 years with no intention to divorce so they both can get benefits. What was funny was she was giving me a hard time for being separated! Then on one date she opened up a little. Was very funny to me.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 01:42 PM
3

I think that's a solid plan!
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 01:40 PM
3

A 2 for one lady, 3 for the other.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 01:40 PM
8

Good point. I enjoy the company of a lady sometimes so I'll go out and see what happens.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 11:56 AM
4

No lies told.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 11:31 AM
9

You'd be surprised. Just keep at it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 11:31 AM
12

I feel you. I don't desire commitment or a relationship either. I am a fan of the female body from time to time.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 11:18 AM
6

That's what I'm going to pivot too. Was fun to run through some of them but it's wasnt entirely satisfying.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 10:24 AM
6

Blocked my wife's entire family. No regrets.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 09:41 AM
8

Whoever files first basically sets the timeline in some states. If you guys don't have kids, you have no money, should be cut and dry. If she has all the money ask her to pay for your lawyer and you'll sign a document stating that you wont come after her money.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 09:49 PM
4

You need to get out of the victim mindset here and take active measures to protect yourself. Your wife has been planning and is currently ahead of you. Do you have a complete understanding of your finances, assets, liabilities? If not, start now. You need to consult a lawyer this week or your wife and her gaggle of bitter, divorced friends are going to absolutely shit on you. Your wife made the decision and now it's about protecting yourself. I know this sounds harsh but you HAVE to protect your…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 03:55 PM
3

I have a set of standards that are non-negotiable. I don't sacrifice my physical, mental, or spiritual fitness for women, period. I don't change my morals or try to be someone I'm not. Example - Being seeing this woman for the past month on a regular basis. She's drop dead gorgeous, same age, kids same age. But she was a heavy drinker, constantly gave me shit for going to sleep early, and generally was not aligned with me. Easy call to stop seeing her after a month.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 09:37 AM
3

Congrats, brother. Wishing you and your boys good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 09:17 AM
6

And that's okay. Let them self select out.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 03:53 PM
6

Best advice is to know that you're gonna have a wide range of emotions about this and those emotions are normal. You are processing grief and we all do it on our own timeline. For me, just woke up one day and I was physically and mentally over it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 12:33 AM
5

You'll get it back. Just take the leap for a few coffee dates and get your mojo back. Just go in with zero expectations. Don't even ask for a second date. Just go meet and talk.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 12:16 AM
6

First, just ask them to meet for coffee. Always a casual meeting, low stress, and worst case you're out $10 for some coffee. Takes a few dates but you'll get your groove back. Confidence is key.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/25 10:46 PM
5

We told the kids together. Night before we did a couple rehearsals with just us. We kept it short and simple. My older kids knew something was up. Helpful tip - do not tell them there is a family meeting. Just wait until everyone is home and call them downstairs. Be frank. It's not their fault. You need to make that clear. You need to make it clear that it's over between you and establishment what's going to happen with them. Mom is moving out or Dad is moving out. Give them some idea of what's …
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/25 12:50 PM
8

Brother it's straight insane. They hit that midlife crisis, perimenopause, and it just ruins them. I'm really interested to see where she's at in a year.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 11:54 AM
17

Feminism, social media. The amount of validation these women get from a simple thirst trap photo is insane. It's a drug for them. Plus their friends and sisters are all telling them to "live their best life" constantly. They believe the hype and pull the trigger. My wife did it to me. Blew up a great life so she could sleep with a convict and now she's dating a dude who's separated with 4 kids under 10. And she doesn't even spend time with our own kids. Modern women are straight lizard brains.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 11:12 AM
9

I didn't even attempt to sell. Whatever she left I threw away or posted for free on FB marketplace. Anything she ever gave me was gone. She came to visit the kids and said, "Are you trying to erase me?" Absolutely
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 10:15 AM
1

I use one a journal or notebook because it looks like I'm paying attention at work but I'm just writing shit down about my life. Goals, issues, whatever I'm feeling at the moment.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 10:14 AM
7

I hear you. It's is extremely nice to have a woman who actually enjoys my time, enjoys touching me, and is fun in bed. I'm dating three right now and have zero intentions of getting into anything exclusive. When they bring it up, I just keep telling them I enjoy their company and want to continue to get to know them. If they want exclusivity, I'm not that guy. I'll just find a new one. Never getting married again or living with a woman. Enjoy my peach way too much.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 09:51 AM
8

Marriage was 20 years. She cheated with a co-worker. Took me a solid 6 months to get over it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 09:48 AM
1

You need to get a full financial picture of your assets and liabilities. Everything. You need a lawyer. Don't go it alone.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/25 07:48 AM
5

I was in a similar state for a few months. Woke up one morning and was just over it. Emotionally and physically I believe I processed what I needed to and I moved on. My wife also cheated and there was zero chance of reconciliation. Threw myself into the dating pool and it's an amazing feeling to have women who want to spend time with me. I'll never get married again or allow one to move in with me but I'll absent their company. My point, get back out there.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/25 07:04 AM
8

💯
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/25 03:48 PM
12

If she doesn't text back move on. There's so many women out there.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/25 02:51 PM
5

She agreed to it. I think she's in the middle of a mid life crisis or something because all of her actions in the past year are 180° of her the past 20 years. Probably perimenopause as well and I think she's just went batshit. Had an affair, is more concerned with sleeping with strangers than being a Mom.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/25 07:55 AM
5

I think she is saving you. You both needed some physical intimacy and what you had worked for a bit. Just move on. No need to sacrifice at this point as there a ton of other women.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/25 07:02 AM
6

My oldest two are 18 and 20 and chose to live with me. They may see their Mom once or twice a week and only because I allow her to stop by and visit. She visits for maybe an hour then goes to her apartment. My youngest is a teen and he also lives with me full time. He's spent the night at her place twice in the past 6 months. I love it. We actually do more stuff now because she was always was such a downer for anything fun.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/25 07:00 AM
2

Being a Vet you have a ton of options. There's programs and everting. Wish you luck. If you need help with anything DM me. Always willing to help a fellow vet.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/25 06:36 AM
3

Man I'm tempted. I've always wanted to build a rat bike.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 07:53 PM
3

This is kinda how I handled it. Processed it, felt it, and woke up one day and was over the sadness. Accepted it and decided to move on.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 07:53 PM
3

Definitely sounds like a tight spot. I think ultimately you need maybe an in-patient program to figure out what's going on. You can't be a husband or father until you get healthy first. Car is a short term solution. Is there family or friends who can help? At least let you take a shower and wash some clothes? I don't know what your skills are but I'd be very close to signing up for some oil field work for good cash and hard work.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 07:37 PM
3

Ya man I wouldn't let her stress you out. My parents are still married and my Dad didn't make a majority of my games because he was working. I knew that and was fine. Same with my two younger brothers. I think a lot of us feel we need to be at every single practice and game but sometimes it's not feasible.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 06:21 PM
3

An hour is nothing. If I gives you greater flexibility, allows you to earn more, and your happier, go for it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 06:12 PM
8

Why the fuck are you driving 4 hours brother? That's insane for a first date. You need to improve your selection criteria.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 04:43 PM
8

Bro get the membership and be happy. My ex did the same shit. Said she'd never be a Barbie girl. Easily gained 30 pounds. Then she cheats and loses it all for her criminal boyfriend. I would make it very clear to your wife that you didn't marry a slob or unhealthy person.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 10:14 AM
1

I think you did fine. They're older and can handle some more of the truth. Kids are smart and like you knew, they've felt the tension too. Ultimately they want both of you to be happy. Good luck and I'm sorry.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 04:23 AM
8

You need to come to grips with that's how women operate and how they've always operated. After that, it's easy. Now you get to focus on being the best Dad to your kids and improving your life without a traitorous wife.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/25 09:00 PM
5

Stay away from ANY women in law enforcement or who has an ex-husband in law enforcement.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/25 09:42 PM
2

The grief timeline is unique to each individual person so whatever you do, don't compare yourself to another person's situation. Just accept that fact that it's a process and your process alone. Of course lean on friends and family when it gets rough. But you owe it to yourself to physically, mentally, and spiritually take care of yourself during this time. If you're sleeping like shit, eating like shit, and abusing alcohol, none of that is conducive to your situation.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/25 12:14 PM
3

Absolutely they do like to be led, even the so called boss babes.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/25 11:33 PM
4

I recommend you work that through your attorney so you don't waste time or money on bad evidence or not enough. Attorney should be able to advise the best time.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/25 04:31 PM
1

Smart
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/25 12:58 PM
3

The experience is fun but slightly stressful. I made sure they're in different cities and each one is about an hour away from me in a different direction. I spend the night at their house, never at mine. A lot of these woman have lives as well and it's easy to see them once a week or every other week. I just set the date, time, and place. Try to keep texting to a minimum. As far as getting the dates, I was very successful on Facebook dating. Just match and then move to text and ask them out. Wha…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/25 12:58 PM
1

Depends on her income status and how hard she's going to push. Are you retired military? Good news, kids are grown. No child support. Bad news, married 30 years and you're the bread winner. If she did work but made less, you're going to pay her. However, everything is negotiable. Maybe she wants to keep the house. Maybe she doesn't but you give her 80% of the profit instead of alimony. What you need to do is figure out the assets and debts.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/25 12:32 PM
3

💯
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/25 12:08 PM
1

Best way to handle it is to understand that it's completely normal to have a wide range of emotions. 100% normal. Also, you're not the first or the last person that will experience. The only thing that is unique is how long you'll process the grief. The grief timeline is unique to you. Could be a couple months or a couple years. Similar situation. We continued to live together for 3 months until she found an apartment. She lived in our master bedroom and I lived in the guest room downstairs. I f…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/25 11:35 AM
3

The rotation is cool but it is work and some added stress. I had 5 and now at 3. Seriously probably going down to 1 as well.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/25 02:12 AM
4

My ex'a car is in my name and so is the loan. Part of our settlement agreement was that she would take the loan of and refinance into her name. However if the loan is refinanced the lifetime warranty is gone. So it's in my name and she repays me each month to keep the warranty. Keeping this way until she tries something stupid and I remind her that she needs to refinance.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 10:55 PM
4

I have way too much too lose. Definitely not worth a DUI
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 10:15 PM
5

Both. I deleted my dating profiles because I have a steady group of ladies. One of them was a blind date through a mutual friend. I used all the apps but I found Facebook dating the best because it was free.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 10:14 PM
7

Ya it's fairly easy to spot the red flags early now. I always ask early on about their family relationship. If they're estranged from their family or there's Daddy issues I know there's issues and this will be a hit it and quit it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 02:23 PM
2

Question - did the judge honor the separation agreement? I'm a little worried the judge may do something stupid with our current separation agreement. I have the kids full time but I just have a feeling I could be in for a surprise.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 01:50 PM
2

I definitely think there's a market for it. Something to counter these man hating dating the same guy groups which are All Over.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 12:53 PM
3

You ain't ready yet. Get off the apps. You won't enjoy anything until you're mental, physically, and spiritually ready.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 10:51 AM
2

Really depends on how she acts. If we divorce according to our separation agreement, I'll probably not do anything. If she tries anything like asking for more money, I'll probably drop some anonymous tips.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 01:59 AM
3

I'm sure she is. We're about to have another conversation about significant others. We agreed that we'd always inform each other if we were going to introduce the kids to someone. My son told me that her boyfriend was over when I dropped him off and that he's meeting my oldest daughter tonight at the wife's apartment. Just further proof I can't trust her with anything.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/25 10:20 PM
2

Absolutely. I do not talk bad about her in front of the kids and we are 100% civil, very business like.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/25 09:27 PM
2

She's not. We had a brief exchange where I laid down the rules. Call or text if you want to come over. I'll approve or disapprove.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/25 02:57 PM
5

Found my wife's affair one month after our 20th anniversary. The next few months are going to be hard. You need to lean on your close friends and family. You absolutely need to focus on your health as well. Good on you for not drinking. This is business now. Whatever she was before, she's not that anymore. You're going to replay so much stuff and that's normal. Get a lawyer, protect yourself. Get an STI test immediately. You can never trust anything this woman says again.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/25 12:27 PM
14

Ya it pisses me off. I always stayed in great shape and still am. She gained weight and had to go on high blood pressure meds. I would ask her to workout so she doesn't die, eat better. Nope. Had zero interest. Would come home sit on the couch and drink Coke with a huge bag of hot Cheetos. But a convicted felon at her work tells her she's pretty and she's sucking his dick that day behind a pizza parlor. Can't naked this shit up.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/25 11:53 AM
16

I was for a short while because she got the post divorce hot body going on. But that quickly faded and I really don't even see her as a human being.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/25 09:35 AM
2

I could easily do that. I have all the evidence. Fear isn't I do, she can come after me for more money.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/25 09:33 AM
3

Another guy. I'm sure she's still banging the AP though since they still work together.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/25 01:54 AM
4

What's funny is she had a bag of snacks for young kids. The dude she's seeing now has 4 kids from two different ladies and they're all 10 and under. She traded her life and her OWN kids to go play Mommy with some random dude. It's insane.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/25 01:41 AM
3

She was very cold. Neither friendly or rude. Didn't even know she was there. Usually she says hey I'm here, I'm sitting in this area.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/25 12:58 AM
3

I know this is the way but damn. I'll get there.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/25 11:54 PM
3

If you're not ready don't do it
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/25 07:32 PM
23

Feminism, the internet, and modern cinema has poisoned women. The average woman now thinks that billionaires want them as well as Vampires and Werewolves. They are straight delusional which is why we're seeing this.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/25 11:47 AM
4

I've had good success on the apps for far but I got hooked up with a gorgeous lady though a mutual friend this week and we're going on date #2 tonight. Absolutely need mutual friends to help you out.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/25 11:33 AM
5

I wouldn't.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 04:30 PM
3

She can move it all she wants. She can't hide it from a forensic investigator
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 05:23 PM
4

Found my wife's affair in January and I started dating once she was out of the house in April. I did the apps. The apps are easy mode. As long as you have some good pictures and look clean, you can have some fun. Beware though, these chicks will blast you in public in their man hating groups. Filter them out, talk to a bunch but only go out with ones that deserve it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 04:31 PM
7

About 6 months after my separation. I date casually only and tell each one I'm not looking to get married or move in. Just here to have fun.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 09:56 AM
3

Sorry man. On to the next chapter. Take those lessons learned and don't get married again.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 06:13 PM
3

She can't make you do shit. If you're not already separated, she can do whatever she wants with those papers and she can't come back to the house if she wants. You need a lawyer asap
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 06:07 PM
7

Separated in January after I found her cheating. Started going out on dates in May. I haven't kids full time but one is college, other is a senior in HS, and one is 8th grade. I don't spend the night anywhere and keep the kids in the loop. It's been pretty fun so far. It's amazing how nice it feels to have a woman who's into you. Just understand it's cutthroat out there. If they're talking to you, they're talking to at least 3-5 other dudes. You need to have THICK skin. These women will no show,…
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 03:11 PM
2

I don't know how people do anything over a few months. That would be rough.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 03:05 PM
11

My wife of 20 years cheated. First thing I noticed was her wearing red lace underwear to work which she never. I remember thinking to myself, that's weird but I didn't put it together. Other thing she did was going to sleep before me or waiting until I was asleep to go to bed. She'd wait for me to go to bed so she could stay up late downstairs and text. And she withheld intimacy for a solid 2 months either every excuse under the sun.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 12:33 PM
2

Tough situation. Maybe take the L on this summer and let her know that it's better in the long run to agree on this stuff. The kid is 6 so half the time the kid is going to be sleeping anyways but I get what you're trying to do. It's only going to get harder as your kid gets older due to sports, friends, school.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 08:28 PM
10

Make sure she stays in that apartment. It's not worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 01:39 AM
5

All good brother. I'm just happy you're out there and getting it on.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 04:49 PM
27

So I actually lost out on a date with a girl because she said she'd dated some divorced men who couldn't get it up or even cried after sex. So for you guys out there, stop crying and don't drink. You're screwing me.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 03:09 PM
16

No sympathy for a cheater but legally you don't have to leave the home. However, if you're brining stress onto your kids, that's something to think about.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 10:28 AM
8

Been separated since January, started casual dating in May. It's extremely easy to find women and be casual with them. Just be up front. There's a lot out there that want someone but also don't want to get married either. I've been with several and it's just physical. It's fun to have a woman who actually enjoys my company. I'm also not attached to any of them. Just recreational use only.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 11:26 PM
7

Body fat and muscle. Get lean, dress better and you'll be top 5%
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 08:24 PM
3

First, invest in an oura ring. Tracks your sleep and good sleep is vital to your gym. Second, buy a nice Garmin watch and a Garmin chest strap to measure your cardio output. Now get in the stairmill for an hour a day, 5 days a week. Add in pushups during the day.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 03:00 AM
9

Ya when I found my wife's affair she did this. Isolated herself in her room. She was embarrassed and just being a miserable bitch. Talked non stop on the phone with her AP. She's out of the house since April thank god.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 04:45 PM
4

No
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 09:15 PM
7

Brother no contact. No kids involved so there's no reason to talk to her. Move on
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 04:54 PM
5

Be thankful there's no kids. Drop her like a bad habit. Breaking shit, hiding or destroying a passport and wallet? This crazy is going either poison you in the future or shoot you in your sleep.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 04:13 PM
2

Absolutely
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 02:35 PM
2

Married for 31 years I think you're probably looking at alimony for the rest of your life. If she is legit mentally disabled with a history of treatment, maybe more. Half of all marital assets. But, consult a lawyer obviously. The mental disability will factor in if she can't take care of herself.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 10:29 AM
2

100% this.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 12:43 AM
3

I shit you not, my ex had an affair with a felon for the same exact charge. Same exact charge and conviction. Not to mention 3 DUIs and a bankruptcy. Shit is wild.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/25 02:23 AM
8

wtf is up with women and hooking up with felons?! My ex did the same shit. Blows up 29 years with three kids for felon dick.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/25 01:58 AM
1

I really like Better Man on TikTok.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/25 12:37 AM
3

Any debt incurred during the marriage is marital debt straight up. Doesn't matter who created it. Don't let her control this.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 02:26 PM
3

She should take some of that debt. You can sell the house to cover it. Bottom line, she can ask for the sun but there has to be some reality.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 11:28 AM
5

I spent a solid 6 months doing a lot of reflection and saw her for what she was. She was never truly on my team or in love with me. She was in love with my paycheck and hung around for 20 years and a few kids. I focused on myself and my kids and learned the hard way that they are all the same.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 03:47 PM
3

I blocked the ex, all of her family, and all of her friends to include husbands. Even if I was cordial with them. It's not about that anymore it's about protecting yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 02:57 PM
8

It was in my center console. Threw it out the window on my way to work. Hindsight, I should've melted because I feel it's cursed and no man should ever find it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 10:43 AM
3

She can't take your daughter. She can move back to CA though which would complicate custody.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 09:21 AM
11

$650 an is insanely high. Your lawyer sounds like a pos. Maybe look for a new lawyer because you're getting hosed.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 09:11 PM
3

It'll come back to you quick. Just get out there.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 08:56 PM
2

I would never do ten dates before physical action. If she's not giving something up by date 3 she just wants free chow.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 08:19 PM
4

I hear you about the sex part. I was the same. Hadn't been with a woman except my wife for the past 20 years. Just made sure to jerk it a few times before a date and I was good to go.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 06:39 PM
2

Shit it's like top 2% easy. No woman wants a dude with man titties. Plus, all the fitness is a bonus in the bedroom.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 05:42 PM
2

No but I'm in excellent shape which the majority of my age group (45) is not.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 05:37 PM
5

Very valid feelings to have, brother. I think the big win is that you acknowledge those feelings instead of suppressing them. I guarantee she is thinking about that miscarriage. My mom and a still born baby boy and she visits the grave every year and to this day, some 40+ years later, still gets emotional talking about it. Your ex may not say anything to you but I'm willing to bet she's absolutely thinking about it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 11:43 AM
3

So she cannot place that order, only your commander can. And that commander cannot continue to place those orders unless there's evidence. You need to a lawyer today. She can threaten everything under the sun. A judge makes the call. Get a lawyer today and don't let her rail road you.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 11:30 AM
2

I was using apps but I stopped because I have 3 women I'm seeing right now and that's about the max I can handle. I shotgun blast any women I find attractive that is within what I'm willing to drive. Some women are willing to make the drive though so you need to figure that out. Just go with the flow on the date. I don't make the first move. I wait them out and it's worked so far.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 10:03 PM
11

My brother, they are all recreational use now. Have fun with her and don't commit. You think you're the only one she's talking to? Just remember to not shit where you eat. These women will burn your ass locally so you need to exercise some discretion and screen some of them. If their ex is law enforcement, pass. If the ex lives within 50 miles, pass. If she's on mental health meds, pass. Spend 30 mins doing some background work and you can save yourself some serious pain. Also, make sure your cl…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 10:36 AM
15

Truth is, she was seeing dudes before she asked for the divorce. She's been planning this a while. This is what is called affair fog where they basically lose their mind for a while. You need to meticulously keep notes of this stuff. If you're not legally separated, get that way. If she's using marital funds to go get fucked, you can get that back in court. Fix your mindset and understand this is business now.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 01:37 AM
19

Sorry man. When it's out of the blue like this, it means she's been planning this for a while. Potentially another man at her work. Keep an eye out. Good call on the finances. You will need a thorough understanding of of what both you and her make to include all debts and retirement accounts. If you guys make roughly the same, you'll split the debt and equity in the house and 50/50 custody.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/25 10:00 PM
5

It invites legal issues going forward under common law states. Plus, what would be the benefit of having a woman live with you? Sex? I can get that by going to her place.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/25 04:07 PM
6

So she was sleeping with other men, got motivated to lose some weight, then realized you were a better option or she got dumped. This woman is poison brother and she'll do it again. Once a 304 always a 304. Sucks to lose the family but ultimately you're a setting yourself up to get burned again by this woman.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/25 11:25 AM
3

First, are you legally separated? If not, you need to get that established asap. Two years separated in the same house must be extremely hard. I did it for 3 months and it was horrible. You need to work something out with the LL. The LL can either work with you or take a loss. As a former LL the cost of court fees for chasing down rent from people is not worth it. The LL will negotiate I promise.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/25 11:20 AM
1

A lot of this is dependent on the date you live in. If you don't have an attorney yet, get one immediately or your ex will steam roll you in court. Step 1, get a consult with an attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/25 11:02 AM
3

First, you can't force her to love you. That's not on you. Second, thank god you didn't have kids with her. Third, sell that house and move back to NYC. Fourth, you're 31 my brother. You have so much time. My wife nuked our marriage one month after our 20th anniversary and I'm 45. Trust me, you got time and plenty of it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 10:23 PM
11

Divorce is 50%. People who are happy in their marriage is maybe 20%. Marriage used to mean something but with the court systems now, marriage is a 100% liability.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 08:16 PM
13

100% on board with no co-habitation and getting married again. Do what I want when I want.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 07:07 PM
3

100% recreational use only. Was seeing this smoking hot Latina and after a few dates she started acting like all emotional. She's hot but not worth the drama. Next one up.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 04:30 PM
5

I think it's time and acceptance. I just woke up one morning and was over it. She made her choice to nuke our family. I'm going to be the best Dad I can, focus on my health and improve my position. Enjoy life.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 12:48 PM
13

I hear you. My view of women has been permanently altered as well. I don't hate them but I definitely will not trust ever again. I look at them as recreational use only now. I go out and do normal date stuff with them but no women will ever love me again and I'm damn sure not getting married.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 12:14 PM
2

Understood. Lots of variables.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 01:14 AM
2

Not sure how your relationship is with the ex but if you guys can sit with the oldest and talk about it that may help. Sounds like it's new for her and I'm sure she'll get adjusted soon.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 12:42 AM
3

I have hundreds of texts and pictures from my wife's AP and her that I wanted to send to APs fiance but it's just not worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 11:46 PM
3

I know it's tempting but prob best to move on
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 10:55 PM
5

Trust your gut. If you're not happy and you've made it clear, maybe it's time to move on. Be thankful there's no kids.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 02:17 PM
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