The Apps - Tell me your lessons learned

regertsrus · 2025-03-01T11:53:56+00:00

I only had good experience on okcupid. I am happy today because of it. In general, dating on apps in my 40s was horrific. I dont know how people do it after being lied and cheated on. I am glad i had success. The thought of being erased was daily the first year. The memory years later of being lied to and manipulated is still palpable even though i am happy and started an amazing new life and got my kids back half the time.

dfb54749014 · 2025-02-28T04:37:12+00:00

Let's see... dating apps... uglies, fatties, ugly and fatty, sugar babies, scammers, ghosts, and a ton of no replies.

That sums up my app experiences.

malesigmaa · 2025-02-26T04:28:36+00:00

Please tell me how one can be separated legally What’s the process for that

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2025-02-26T01:00:00+00:00

I just hit it in the real world. I want to know if I want to jump those bones before I waste anytime texting/dating.

Curious_Helicopter29 · 2025-02-25T19:56:37+00:00

You will see the same woman on multiple apps. Woman get hundreds of messages. Expect to be ghosted and not responded to. Tons of fake and scam profiles. Don’t let the negatives stop you. There is plenty of success to be experienced on line.

PatientAct7164 · 2025-02-25T18:57:38+00:00

Met my current gf on Match. We've been together over 3 years now (3 years was October of 2024). She told me it was a well written profile and a goofy picture as my main picture. I had some dad jokes in there such as 'when one door closes another opens.....especially if you're a bad cabinet maker'.

I always tried to do a Starbucks date or something small. If it went good we could go out longer but if not a small coffee can only take so long to drink.

Reflog1791 · 2025-02-25T18:12:15+00:00

Line up 4 dates to go on one.

Exact_Public_2958 · 2025-02-25T17:58:50+00:00

Advice from the group. I had 3 dates this weekend. One of them I like and am hoping to set up another date next week. I've got a few other matches that I could reach out to, thoughts on whether to keep options open or focus on the one for now?

Chaotic_Boots · 2025-02-25T16:20:26+00:00

This is what I've learned over the last year of dating, part ho phase, part looking for a long term partner.

Once you match, always message first. Women get a ton of matches, so your first message if you get a match should be immediate, so that you're popping up while she's looking at her phone. And don't just say "hi" read her profile and look at her pictures and show in your message that you're paying attention. Personalize it.

If you're not already in good shape, start going to the gym. A lot of ladies say they don't care, but having muscles is a game changer, even for the "body positivity" crowd, trust me, as someone who has tried to date as a fat guy and a gym rat, the difference is stark. You don't need to have abs (I definitely don't) but having a chest and bigger arms and legs makes a massive difference.

In that same vein, learn to take good pictures of yourself. There are free tutorials on YouTube and Instagram for male boudoir photography, and if you're already in good shape, all the better.

Be honest about who you are and what you're looking for. If you just want to get laid, say so, there are plenty of ladies down for that, and they are refreshed when you state it, saying that you're "seeking casual but reccuring" is a great way to end up with a rotation. If you're looking for your next wife, say that too. And being a nerd/dork has never been sexier to the ladies, so if you're a giant nerd (I sure am) say it! Be excited to share your passion for whatever you're passionate about.

Give it at least 24 hours between your first message and giving out your phone number, or asking for hers, and even then only if you've been messaging back and forth all day. Once you do, ask for a quick selfie for her contact on your phone, this will show you if she actually looks like her pictures. If she refuses 🚩

If you're bald, be confident in your baldness, I have heard a lot of women complain about being "hat -fished" where bald guys wear hats in all their pictures, which gives them a feeling you're insecure or dishonest, which is more the problem than being follicularly challenged. if you're not bald, have a few pictures with no hat so you don't get disregarded with the hat fishing crowd.

Don't be afraid of rejection, or rejecting others. Always try to be friendly about it though, if she doesn't seem like she's what you're looking for, say so and wish her the best, vitriol never won anyone over and it doesn't serve you. Ghosting is also a cowards way, if you're not going to invest anymore of your time in that person, just tell them so.

questionoffitness · 2025-02-25T16:12:15+00:00

From my time in this group, its commonly recommended to wait a year after your divorce is done before getting into any relationship. You said you are "preparing to move on".. which means you haven't yet... The separation is very fresh for you right now. Any relationship right now will just be a rebound relationship that's doomed to fail and its almost guaranteed you'll bring all your baggage along with you into any new relationship.

Take time to process everything. Spend some time in therapy working through things. Hitting the gym and cleaning up your diet is also a common recommendation.

Just because you ex is jumping onto dating apps trolling for fresh meat, doesn't mean you should. Don't join her in making that type of mistake.

I'm not trying to rain on your parade. Take a minute to regroup.

mikehirsch · 2025-02-25T15:55:25+00:00

Hinge is by far the best. You are able to leave comments on girls’ prompts (and vice versa) instead of just liking pics. I would say 90% of my matches are just from leaving funny or witty prompt responses. It gives you so much more to work with as opposed to something like Tinder which is strictly focused on looks.

I personally like paying for premium. I like to see who “likes” my profile so I can decide to match with them when things slow down and conversations w other girls fizzle out.

Make it a goal to swipe right on 15 or so profiles at a time (Sunday nights are good) leaving funny or witty responses and see what that drags in. You can usually get a few quality girls to talk to for the week to try to set up dates with. I don’t like to swipe too much at once as it is can be too much to juggle if you match with too many and then you just waste matches. I try to be methodical with my outreach and do it only when I need new prospects.

Lastly, and most importantly, I think the biggest takeaway is that dating is a major rollercoaster. Not even by the month or by the week. It can be by the day. Lots of highs and lots of lows. Just stay grounded and keep at it. Don’t take anything personally as sometimes momentum just dies between you and a match - it’s not anything wrong w you.

Best of luck. It’s definitely exciting getting back out there and being reminded there are plenty of fish in the sea!

Title	The Apps - Tell me your lessons learned
Author	Helpful-Paramedic463
Upvotes	22
Comments	24
Date	February 25, 2025 3:35 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ixxs76/the_apps_tell_me_your_lessons_learned/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/the-apps-tell-me-your-lessons-learned.1544925 https://theredarchive.com/post/1544925

Comments