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engineered-chemistry Archive

View 3 posts and 429 comments by engineered-chemistry on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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5

Most stories are men pay out big to their ex because the law. Now it’s your turn king.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/26 05:35 AM
2

One was for 9 months (supposedly), then reality hit her. I’m sure there are exceptions but the odds are stacked against it for very rational reasons.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/26 05:15 PM
12

You sound entitled to the women of your choosing. That’s not how it works. In same age as you, engineer too, and have dated women in their 20s. Very rarely can it last. Why commit to a man that can’t make them a priority because of your own children. I wouldn’t date a single mother before I had kids either. I’ve had great times with “old soul” younger women but when it’s all said and done, my responsibilities aren’t worth dealing with for them. I can’t blame them and always accepted the relation…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/26 01:27 PM
3

You need an exhaustive custody plan memorialized by the court to lean on. Yall are separated, when the two of you start dating it isn’t either of your business until sufficient time has passed and commitment to introduce to your kids (I’ve never done that so can’t offer advice there). Move on when you feel ready. As others have said, do things you enjoy and find peace with in the meantime!
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/26 03:28 PM
1

Being cordial for the kids reduces drama. TBH after years of hell it’s calming to have some peace in the world.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/26 08:41 PM
1

Don’t get married again! I learned my lesson.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/26 06:35 AM
2

I won’t even consider seriously dating a woman that wouldn’t be a role model for my kids. She’d be for fun only with no commitment. Why waste your damn time on her? I’m not even sure I’d ever blend families and cohabitate again. Definitely never getting married again either.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/26 06:24 AM
2

Fuck man!
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/26 06:19 AM
3

So much this. Once she has income for a year your alimony and child support will drop accordingly. She sounds psycho and will divorce you after having a second child and you’ll pay more child support on top of alimony!
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/26 03:37 PM
1

In VA it’s mixed at least. What you bring into the marriage is your separate interest.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/26 12:48 AM
4

Did she buy the home prior to getting married? If so it’s a mixed asset with separate and martial funds. The money she put down, upgrades and principal payments are hers. The remaining are marital funds just like her retirement and yours minus what you both had prior to marriage. Get a lawyer for expert advice. She’s looking at the reality of the situation where no one exits a divorce unscathed and is manipulating you. For every dude that gets screwed over I hope you are one of the folks that ma…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/26 08:17 PM
1

So much this. 2 weeks is a damn long time for kids any age and they miss the other parent too. 2-2-5-5 is a good balance for my 3 kids under 11
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/26 10:53 PM
2

VA, 6 years, half the marriage length
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/26 10:46 PM
3

If I had 90%, her child support would be greatly reduced. It sucks but I can live, just have to keep the luxuries in check. First time I’ve ever cross-shopped groceries for sales in my life haha and I’m in my 40s.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/26 03:36 AM
6

I’m in the US. It’s the law in my state due to the difference in my income versus hers….and her unwillingness to ever be gainfully employed in her field (she has two bachelor’s degrees). If I had less custody she was have proportionally more child support.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/26 03:27 AM
6

50/50 custody here. $4500 a month in alimony/child support combined. 50% of my take home pay a month.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/26 03:18 AM
5

I was very lonely, sad, and guilty for many months. It took a while but pulled out. It also took a few months to really feel the weight of the emotions.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/26 12:23 AM
3

I put all of our photos in a plastic tub that’s sealed in the garage hanging from the ceiling. They were mostly good memories but living in the past is a fools game. One day, maybe my kids will want to see their parents when they were happy together.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/26 01:43 AM
1

I dated a woman 18 years younger in her 20s. She chased me once she heard I was separated from my wife. We both have the same technical degree, laughed a ton and enjoyed each other. No weird power dynamic just living in the moment. We both knew it wasn’t a forever thing…I was freshly separated and broken while I think she was fulfilling a kink. No regrets on my part 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/26 12:56 AM
1

You will go through all the stages of grief. You need distance from your wife too. The marriage is over, focus on your kids and yourself. There are tough times ahead but good times too.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 03:14 PM
1

I don’t seriously date women that put any value in social media. No time for “look at me” type chicks.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 03:08 PM
2

Getting laid more dating than I ever did while married feels good.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/26 05:19 PM
1

2-2-5-5 is great. Perfectly 50/50.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 09:11 PM
6

New lawyer ASAP. Losing your job and making less isn’t by choice. Child support is always modifiable for these reasons! Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 05:01 PM
2

For spousal support, some states use a formula for the base amount and the judge moves the needle as they see fit. 200k x .26 - 50k x .58 = $1920 a month in spousal support to your ex is an example (Fairfax formula in VA). Marriages under 20 years and over 10 can be considered mid-length and support is paid out for 50% of the time married (5 years). Some states can order permanent support after 10 years (including mine). I pay my ex substantially more for the first 2 years and then drops substan…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 02:22 PM
11

Dating is a numbers game, a date a week with a different woman is vastly better than many men see.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 02:12 PM
5

My mom and dad were married in VA for 21 years. My mom received permanent spousal support…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 07:52 PM
2

My decree specifically states if she doesn’t meet all the financial obligations during her ownership and refinance, assume the loan, or sell by a fixed date the court will order the sale via special commissioner and she will be liable for all fees. I am indemnified and held harmless to all claims on the house. It’s very clear
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 08:04 PM
7

It’s not worth your mental capacity to worry about her or care if she thanks you. Enjoy your time with the kids. Don’t cut her child support, you’ll end up looking like an asshole in court. Hopefully she would do the same for you if you needed to travel for work/vacation.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 03:40 PM
3

Randomly. Grocery store, Hinge to some degree, restaurants sitting at the bar. Basically you got to be willing to talk to anyone just for the sake of conversation and see where it goes.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 03:01 PM
10

Smart professional independent baddies is where it’s at.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 01:05 PM
2

Ex got the huge family house, I got the rental and kept all my retirement. Still quite the windfall of money but oh well. TBH I couldn’t have afforded that house with spousal support, child support and daycare anyways.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 09:52 PM
-4

Get him to hit you and lock his dumb ass up?
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 08:49 PM
2

“You’re getting divorced? Let’s go to Colombia next month! 🔥🔥”
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 06:19 PM
1

File an official petition with the court. It’s court ordered, she has to pay it. Quit with the clerk. Let a judge garnish her wages.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 11:40 PM
12

Mediator’s job is to find a deal, not an equitable necessarily. You have to advocate for yourself!
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 11:03 PM
1

Shots fired 🔥 👏👏🎬
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 12:10 PM
3

Once your kids are in a routine, you can focus on what you want in your off time!
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 10:37 PM
3

Absolutely. My kids have a drop zone for shoes, book bags, coats etc. There’s a spot where they charge their chromebooks. Everything has a place. Kids thrive on routine (to a point). Dirty laundry goes in the kids dirty clothes basket rather than spread all over the house. Start with just the shoes and remind them for a few days and they will get it, then expand.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 01:13 PM
3

Fuck paying them. You aren’t paid to clean their shit. If my kids don’t do their chores, they get stuff taken away.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 10:17 PM
5

My kids are 10, 9, 5. They all have chores and clean up after themselves. If my 5 year old drops food on the floor, he cleans the floor. They put their clothes away when I do laundry, set the table for dinner and take turns loading the dish washer. My house is always cleaner than our marital home ever was and she stayed at home! Focus your efforts on stuff that matters. Give yourself and your kids grace. There are and will be overwhelming moments, take a deep breath and chill for a bit. It took …
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 10:16 PM
13

I’ve done both, extensively. Younger women can be irritating AF. At times the sex just isn’t worth the conversation and silly drama. Most times there’s no real future either, why would they want to deal with an older single Dad? Definitely can be fun for a while though!
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 04:39 PM
1

👆👆I’ve had this schedule for 2 years now, it was lonely at first in that 5 day break but now I focus on hobbies, getting laid, working on my house/cars, weekend motorcycle trips, camping, traveling, decompressing etc. Great balance tbh.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 12:21 AM
2

It takes an hour to draft a subpoena. You should do a consult first and see how the numbers work out and the potential downsides.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 12:14 AM
5

Don’t share shit on social media. Nothing good comes from social media besides MAYBE finding a girl. Who cares who blocked someone on SM?
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 08:57 PM
6

I tried that. Set me back several months spiraling. When a woman puts the papers together she’s done.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 12:46 PM
6

You did right. You might love her but she endangered her daughter. That should be her priority above all else.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 08:10 PM
0

I’ve had a ton of fun smashing chicks on hinge and met a few decent ones. Lots of wild stories from crazy ones though.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 07:55 PM
2

Her lack of emotional regulation even when angry is a red flag imo.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 03:42 PM
1

Serious question….was your ex the same way? 😬
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 03:37 PM
1

Independent appraiser.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 02:59 PM
2

Likely it’s a mental block, nerves, anxiety, dehydration poor nutrition. Divorce is hell. Many post divorce dudes go through that. What helps is knowing you’ll be ok alone or with someone and having zero expectations a relationship will ever go anywhere. Eventually one will.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 07:37 PM
3

Be careful folks. It could be worth your ex paying 10s of grand to a lawyer to force you to pay alimony and a judge could make you pay her attorney fees for being a dick.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 10:34 PM
6

I’ve been dating nothing but upgrades with women my age (early 40s) down into the 20s. Those that were serious were upgrades in all ways. Definitely not getting married again and that did end one of my relationships.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 02:04 PM
2

Had a rental property to move into I bought 5 years ago at a great interest rate. With spousal support, child support and child care I’d be living in a cardboard box if it wasn’t for this rental to move into. It’s also down the street from my kids school. I got lucky af
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 12:45 AM
4

It’s just fun. Zero commitment, owe nothing to anyone, no emotions involved. Just clear communication and boundaries. After being with a single person for a long time, a string of hookups is just good fun.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 12:41 PM
1

If you’re going to be petty at least make sure the comment is correct. Professional is used commonly as a noun which includes many professional disciplines. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/professional
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 09:18 PM
8

I’m open to investing my time and emotions in a woman that reciprocates evenly. Someone I enjoy spending time with and laugh a lot. Financially, I only date women that are self-sufficient. I have no interest in signing a contract again to get stuffed financially.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 09:09 PM
8

I have 3 kids in elementary school and younger with 50/50, early 40s. Women without kids think they can deal with the responsibility that I have to my kids. Most really just don’t get it and don’t want the burden of only seeing me every other weekend and maybe a weeknight. I don’t blame them. I generally date self sufficient professional single moms with 2 kids max. If we ever blended families, I don’t want a Brady Bunch. The one non-professional woman I dated made 1/3 me and she was really swee…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 04:59 AM
2

Hair is optional in my experience haha
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/26 11:18 PM
2

Baby momma since separation. She said it sounds trashy and doesn’t like it. Forever baby momma.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 12:15 AM
2

I uploaded 7 years of bank statements looking for specific transactions. Pours through that data in a minute!
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 12:17 PM
1

Some states have mixed separated property statues. Each party can have a separated interest along with marital funds and it’s divided accordingly. If the divorce has language that all discovery was complete and thorough and negates any other findings she can pack sand.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 11:47 AM
1

I dated several really decent women a year after separation and on. Current gf met on an app, same age as me, professional and super chill. She’s a great communicator and we work through issues and listen to each other while also giving some grace too. We’ve both learned a lot from previous relationships and apply those lessons to our own.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 05:30 AM
2

Hinge by far has been the most successful for me (early 40s age). Before you join, use AI and ask how to use the app most effectively based on the algorithm and follow it! I cancelled my account for a month and did that, much more exposure with several dates a month.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 11:32 AM
1

Plenty of woman on dating apps you can have the opportunity to have sex with for free. Just have to be patient and not give off desperate vibes. The social interaction is helpful too. You just have to be mentally prepared that you likely won’t find someone immediately. I went through a dry spell for a few months and when it rains it pours at times too.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 04:12 PM
4

No interest in ever getting remarried. A partner, no problem but without a life wrecking binding contract.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/26 09:58 PM
5

I’ll happily pay $100 to enjoy dinner and sex afterwards if she’s got a nice great ass. Not all women need a provider, some do fine on their own but also want to get their rocks off. From my experience, the more demanding the job, the bigger freaks they are… Chase? Nah, I just match effort.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/26 11:52 PM
3

This was my situation too during the separation up to final decree. Nearly a year post final divorce we are mostly amicable for the kids sake. Having some peace finally is great. She’s on edge all the time as she can’t afford the house she fought so hard to keep (neither could I with spousal support, child support and daycare). My attorney and the mediator question how she could possibly afford it. She’s finally working somewhat full time and now feels the pressure I’ve ALWAYS felt. There’s peac…
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/26 01:21 PM
1

The downside, I’ve been searching for that energetic feeling ever since, woman after woman and can’t seem to find it 😢
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 02:18 AM
5

Same thing with a coworker. 18 years younger, we dated for 6 months. Legitimately it was a lot of fun but we both knew it wasn’t sustainable. The chemistry was 🔥
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/26 06:31 PM
3

This. My ex is extremely underemployed. I gave her a free ride for 2 years basically then cuts by 3/4 for remaining 4 on spousal support. Painful 2 years for me but it is what it is. There is a price for peace.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 11:51 PM
1

Unfortunately the law doesn’t care unless you get it modified. In my state I could lose my professional license with the state, my drivers license and go to jail. It’s such bullshit, if I lose my professional license I certainly won’t be able to afford child support, alimony, daycare or support myself with 50/50 custody.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 02:15 AM
2

Should have filed joint married for lower tax liability. You took on a fight that wasn’t necessary and still cost you and your future ex more.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/26 06:47 PM
2

Good luck. I’m not sure what angle you have to fight a contract, whether she needs the money or not.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 01:22 AM
1

Bail bro.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 01:20 AM
2

Only you know if you’re ready. Sometimes you won’t know till you give it a shot. If you go into a date with no expectations other than just enjoy a coffee or a few drinks it really takes the pressure off. A FWB situation can be quite validating and…relieving.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 01:24 PM
3

You got to spend all the time you possibly could with your kids. Theres no judgement in that. Give yourself grace and forgiveness. The past is the past. Don’t dwell on it. Focus on the future you want and take steps to achieve it. Do the things you always wanted to do!
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 08:03 PM
5

Woman is acting like a toddler. She needs a coming to Jesus talk. Was she always petty af?
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 07:26 PM
6

Happiness doesn’t come from another person, it comes from yourself. You do not need a woman in your life to be happy. Seek therapy pronto. Explore why you have the undying need for a partner. Do the things you enjoyed prior to being married, lean into hobbies, join groups, co-ed sports, go to the gym, grab some pick-up pickleball matches. Your attachment sounds like it’s co-dependency which is a recipe for disaster. I’m not saying you can’t date as long as you aren’t expecting anything long term…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 03:36 PM
1

I have 50/50 custody, pay child support, insurance premium for my kids, 70% of all out of pocket medical expenses and 50% of “agreed upon” ancillary child expenses. Does you MSA not state anything about out of pocket medical expenses?
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/26 08:37 PM
1

Yes. I had a FWB arrangement with an absolute freak. Glorious fun haha
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 06:10 PM
2

King. Fits multiple women at once better 🔥🔥
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/26 09:15 PM
10

How do you define love? Everyone’s definition is different and what is important is different too. I’m roughly 2 years post separation/divorce and honestly have many regrets. We had a good life and my ex is a good person. The things that ground my gears shouldn’t have mattered so much. I realized much of this when I moved out after 6 months or so but the words spoken by the two of us could not be taken back. My professional work obligations, stress, acute depression truly clouded my thoughts. Yo…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 02:58 PM
4

If you had sex with her following knowledge of the infidelity you’re probably SOL for at-fault. Condonation is written into the law. You need a new VA lawyer for guidance on the contract she signed and if that changes anything. If a judge awards spousal support in VA, it’s modifiable by law. She could go for it if she lost her job but a judge would have to be convinced she can’t get another one to keep herself afloat. Generally if one spouse if within 65% of the other, there’s no support (Fairfa…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 12:12 AM
1

Mediator helped my high conflict over financials. Going to court is only good for the attorneys and both our attorneys pushed to come to an agreement. The other big benefit is that you both are in control of the outcome, rather than a judge that ultimately can do almost anything they want as the factors for everything leave lots of leeway
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 10:18 PM
5

Tell her to pack sand and show her the excerpt from the law stating it’s separate interest.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 02:49 AM
3

Walked away with half of net assets. High spousal support for 2 years then trails off for 4 more. Child support is what it is for 50/50. When my youngest goes to school next year it’ll be better not paying for daycare. I’m not broke but for the first time in my life I look for sales at grocery stores and ask if I really need to spend $20 on something. It’s weird not having thousands of dollars in disposable income but my life is much more peaceful.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 03:27 AM
5

Unless you want to date a chick in her 30s and go through the whole process again, snip snip.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 09:35 PM
2

3 kids under 11 here. Scheduling, planning is absolutely necessary. What is your custody arrangement? My 50/50 honestly feels like less work because I have half the time to myself and I’m not having to deal with my ex and my 3 kids all the time. At first I was overwhelmed until I realized what my life looked like before. Sure I’m busy when I have my kids, but I also have so much more time to do what I want, hobbies, friends during the off time.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 01:08 PM
2

This sub is filled with men that aren’t getting laid right and want to leave too lol
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 02:49 AM
2

Talk to an attorney to know where you stand. She’s shown her hand, she can either change or doesn’t. Fighting like that in front of your kids is terrible for them. Rather be from a broken home than live inside one. I lived in one as a kid and wish that upon no one.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 04:59 PM
6

I took a step back in my career with a 25% pay cut to have greater flexibility to parent my 3 kids under 10, one with special needs, with a 50/50 custody schedule. The extra money is not worth the time missed with my children. I’m not here to judge your situation but that schedule sounds painful and priorities may need to be aligned to the best interest of your kids. Only you knows what that is. Child therapists may have good suggestions too.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 04:41 PM
4

If the kids want their mom there, she can come. What happened between us isn’t their fault. Kids first.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 04:54 PM
4

Definitely can’t have a baby with her. I’m puzzled why she wanted to have a baby while messing around on her husband. Maybe an eat her cake and have it too type of situation? Move on with your life. Focusing on hobbies and friends will bring you peace. Once you have peace, meeting someone else kind of just happens to many. I suggest therapy, if nothing else, confirmation that what happened to you isn’t your fault.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/26 10:31 PM
2

Get another job to spend time with your kids. I took a 25% salary cut to be with my kids more. Based on the income gap, she will pay you child support and possibly alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 11:29 PM
1

We did two appraisals and were within 5% of each other. Agreed on the average as the basis of the home value. How hard you fight over it really depends on if you’re trading other assets or buying someone out of their portion of equity. Pick and choose your battles wisely.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 04:51 PM
1

One of the many metrics a judge considers is the ability for the other party to pay, at least in my state. You also can’t be homeless with shared custody because that’s not in the best interest of the child. Ultimately a judge can do whatever they want unfortunately. Hopefully your attorney knows the judge and how they generally rule.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 01:58 AM
1

In my state, judge ordered alimony is always modifiable by law.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 01:45 AM
1

Keep in mind anything said in counseling can be used in court via subpoena.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 01:43 AM
7

I was in the exact same situation as you. Same age and number of kids and I’m roughly same age as you and married the same length. There is peace at the end. Peace in silence, although maddening at first. Peace with others, your own hobbies, no more drama. Divorce is the absolute worst. Award’s, I’ve dated a bunch of interesting women, there are good ones out there when you’re ready. Plenty fun to be had with the wrong ones! I’m actually dating a woman that lives walking distance from my house t…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 03:58 AM
1

Excellent advice.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 01:33 AM
11

Same situation for 11 years for me. You’re fucked. Get a lawyer. Who pays the mortgage doesn’t matter. It’s based on a calculation of your gross monthly income vs hers.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 01:32 AM
4

Men generally have very poor support structures for a host of reasons. It sucks. My friends are busy with their own lives but would check in on me occasionally. I was mostly on my own to rebuild a social network which ended up being hobbies/sports which helped sooo much!
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 08:49 PM
3

Don’t think about that shit. It doesn’t matter and only will drive you crazy
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 08:37 PM
4

You have an amazing point of view considering what happened. There will be better days ahead mixed with some really bad ones but the amplitude and frequency of the bad ones does decrease with time. Remember, your dealings with your ex is strictly business and co-parenting! Don’t hang your self out to dry.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 08:35 PM
1

There is hope for the future on having a co-parent that remains a true friend. It’ll take time but can happen.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 04:33 PM
1

We actually both agreed 2-2-5-5 is better for us and tried multiple schedules, 2-2-3 being the hardest to work around with work. I can plan my work better every week knowing Mon/Tues every week I don’t have my kids. The transitions are good because each kid doesn’t have to go more than 5 days without seeing a parent. It works for us. That being said my kids are younger. 7-7 for older kids is probably a good idea and we may transition to that in a few years.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 07:41 PM
2

Lots of good advice but you didn’t mention the most important advice: what did your attorney say?
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 09:38 PM
5

The opposite was true for me. I was let go from a very high paying job and took a position that made $40k less. My previous year’s higher income was used for spousal support and child support calculations. My attorney said the judge will defaulted to the previous years gross from each of us. I had my ex evaluated by a vocational professional as she is severely underemployed to help my case. We settled out of court. Based on the income disparity and length of marriage, a judges decision would hav…
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 02:36 PM
1

This is exactly my custody schedule as well, 2-2-5-5. We live a half mile away and my 3 kids appreciate having a fixed schedule. They also don’t go more than 5 days without seeing the other parent. The two fixed weekdays allow planning around work schedule requirements. When something comes up we flex the schedule as necessary and keep transparency with the kids. We’ve done this for 2 years now and works well for everyone.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 02:17 PM
2

She would be hard pressed to base the amount on the current value. Should be the value 16 years ago at the date of separation. That should help!
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 03:28 PM
2

You need to read the final decree verbiage. In a nutshell, mine states that all of our assets have been disclosed/allocated and we agree on said assets listed and the associate distributions and there are no other assets to be distributed even if found in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 03:06 PM
2

I pictured my kids crying at my casket and giving my ex wife my 50% of our marital assets was not an option when I earned all of everything with minimal help from her.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 02:45 PM
1

Doesn’t have to be liquid. Could be equity/retirement assets and while spousal support is typically mandated by state law to be adjustable (when ruled on by a judge) that could also go against you! Theres not much incentive for her to elevate her career. Sometimes a cash-out is preferred by some people rather than over time monthly installments. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 01:28 PM
1

I pay a tenth of that and it’s crushing! The challenge with going to court is that you have absolutely zero control of the outcome and usually favors the woman. What if you proposed a lump sum payout? I’m not sure how long your state may impose support but you’re talking about $350k a year. Offer her a million dollars or give her one of your houses? Offer less money over a longer period of time or more up front and drops by a percentage each following year? Likely let earning potential is so low…
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/26 08:46 PM
1

Give her the entire 50%, and offset the difference with keeping your 401k and other assets if she feels so entitled. While she’s entitled to something, you working 2 jobs and starting a business at the same time is not the same as her sitting at home with kids. That being said, a judge very well would just divide everything 50/50 because it’s easy and an appeals court wouldn’t find that unreasonable.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/26 01:26 AM
7

FYI therapist can be subpoenaed. Don’t say anything that you wouldn’t want brought to a judge!!!!
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 11:18 PM
3

My parents divorced when I was 18. They should have divorced many more years prior to that. “Rather be from a broken home than live in one” is quite the truth.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 08:38 PM
1

You’ve already made your choice. Sex is more important than all the other things on the table. That decision is yours to make, no judgement there. You fucked up getting into a relationship lacking the compatibility you needed and cost you both 7 years. Time to end it and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 08:31 PM
7

I’ve dated women that didn’t understand why I wouldn’t get a babysitter and the reason is the exact same as yours. I lost half the time with my kids. I’m not losing more. The good mothers understand that and appreciate the dedication. The other women, they get dropped because they cant deal with not being the center of attention. Sometimes their true colors show quickly, others it takes a few months.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 05:00 PM
5

I’m a child of a divorced set of parents. They haven’t spoken to each other or seen each other in 24 years. I had Christmas with my ex and 3 kids today. We co-parent well and put aside our differences for our kids sake as my ex and I both realize we don’t want my upbringing for our children. Things are different but our kids are doing well. You can make it more normal for your kids but that’s up to the two of you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 02:59 PM
4

It’s likely all in your head and many men have gone through this. For me, it’s the inability to cum. Once I get out of my own head it’s white icing for all.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 06:33 PM
2

A statement that completely indemnifies you and holds you harmless for ALL costs and liability associated with the property. I have a similar agreement except I get none of the proceeds as we traded assets to offset the house.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 10:21 PM
9

All of us with kids have been right there brother. It’s one of the toughest things you’ll ever go through. Lots of good advice in the comments. Couple things that helped for me: Do not drown yourself in a bottle. I had to literally remove all alcohol from my house. Seek friends to occupy your alone time. Your head can really get in the way, keep busy. Lean into hobbies you once loved and pick up new ones to help find yourself. Therapy can be helpful. The gym is a good release of stress and can m…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 09:29 PM
2

You cannot just draft a new section of the divorce decree after 17 years. It’s a recorded document of the court signed by a judge, both parties with witnesses and notary. Sounds like your dad needs the support and guidance. Do you have a copy of the execute final divorce decree? That document is the holy grail. If you end up in court and she loses, be sure the attorney requests reimbursement! For example, let’s assume the decree requires 50/50 split of retirement and your dad never paid her out.…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 03:41 PM
3

Your dad needs legal counsel ASAP. Having gone through something like this when I was in college with my own parents, I would suggest staying out of your parent’s divorce dealings.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 02:22 PM
3

Yes. It’s always rough. My kids also told my ex and I the same thing…they miss Xmas together. 😢
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 02:13 AM
1

I put the is statement in our decree for this exact reason.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 01:36 AM
2

If you were granted possession in the final decree she has no right to be in the house, even if her name is on the deed. I’m assuming the decree indemnifies her of all liability of the dwelling too. Is it worth fighting over? Probably not unless you just can’t stand her.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 12:56 PM
1

You were already alone. Now you can be alone is peace. Lawyer up, know your rights and move on with your life brother.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/25 04:07 AM
3

I bought TWO motorcycles 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/25 01:56 AM
1

I don’t think you are living in reality. The temp hearing will set pendente lite support for her (temp spousal support) and temp child support. No judge is going to put the mom on the street with her kids half the time with no income from the higher earner. You need your attorney to show you the “worst case”. Expect that. The cards will be stacked against you no matter what. Hell she could drag out the final divorce hearing for years and all that time you are paying her a presumptive amount with…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/25 01:55 AM
2

I pay 55% of my take home is spousal support, child support and daycare with 50/50 custody. I review my spending every month. Cut all reoccurring non-essential expenses, got a much cheaper cell phone plan, move thermostat up/down to save on energy, shop for groceries with coupons (never did that before in my life), cook my own meals or eat at places with specials. No cable tv or streaming services, download shows via VPN, Shop at discount retailers when I need a shirt or something. Have first da…
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 06:53 PM
1

Hoard cash until the actual separation date. Buy what you want within reason. It’s all marital money right now but half of something is still better than zero unless you take pride in knowing your future ex wife won’t have it either.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 06:36 PM
14

Getting used to silence when the kids aren’t here. Took several months to keep your mind from racing down dark paths. Fill the time with hobbies and things you once enjoyed
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 03:30 PM
2

Hinge was pretty good for me, in the last year I’ve gone out with 10+ women. Some of them were super cool and great in bed. Some were cat fishing with old photos and look busted af in person. Bumble had ZERO matches with same photos and profile for a damn year! Had one date off Tinder that was a night of cheek clappin’. Tried FB but nadda for some reason for maybe 2-3 months. In a city with a 30 mile radius population of ~1M.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 02:47 PM
5

Lots of people here have been burned so their advice has that tinted lens. If you honestly think you may regret not giving it another shot, then go for it. If you two aren’t fundamentally compatible that’s a deal breaker obviously. No one is perfect, you just gotta find someone that you can live with their imperfections. If you do try again DO NOT GET HER PREGNANT!! Many a woman has tried to have a baby to save a marriage and makes everything much more complicated.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 05:18 AM
1

I did, my boss went through a very rough divorce. He was very supportive and let me take whatever time off I needed to screw my head back on when I needed it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 02:00 AM
1

That would save me money too!
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 07:20 PM
1

What!?!
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 07:18 PM
1

VA.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 12:39 AM
2

Bruh. x2. 🤦🤦
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/25 10:33 PM
1

Lawyer up and see what a judge would typically decide on. In my state a 10 + year marriage can result in permanent spousal support 😬😬😬 There are spousal support calculations to help estimate. For what it’s worth, I pay my ex wife 37% of my take home income for spousal support with a similar disparity in earnings. Child support, daycare, insurance premiums are on top of that which hopefully aren’t relevant to you. You’ll likely need a life insurance policy to cover your spousal support obligation…
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 10:02 PM
1

You can do all those things with a partner minus a contract. Pre-nup if you get married!
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/25 08:39 PM
1

It’s not for nothing. The children will remember that time spent and appreciate it. Maybe not immediately, but the will eventually.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/25 07:55 PM
1

Sounds like you may benefit from therapy. Why are you with your Fiance? Bigger question, why the fuck do you want to get married AGAIN!? No woman is perfect. All are crazy, you just have to pick the crazy that works for you.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/25 02:30 AM
10

No need to be ashamed but indifference is the goal to achieve where no harm is wished because you just don’t think about her at all anymore. Much easier said than done! She’s still living rent free in your mind.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 08:18 PM
5

Sounds like you may benefit from therapy. Why are you with your Fiance? Bigger question, why the fuck do you want to get married AGAIN!?
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 08:13 PM
3

I will never pay for a private college. Plenty good in-state schools unless it’s Ivy League.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 01:34 PM
2

3 kids here….try to save it. Focus on what brought you two together. Do things you both used to enjoy and gave up due to life/kids.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/25 02:38 AM
1

I could have maybe offset it with assets but I would have had to liquidate my 401k. 6 years total but drops each year until year 4. She purposely had a low income during separation just to cook me.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 08:16 PM
3

I had to take a step back in my career for less pay but much more flexibility and way better hours. Kids matter the most. You’ll have to make sacrifices as there is only so many hours available in the day to work and run side businesses. That sacrifice will be worth it when your kids are functioning adults due to your influence and teachings. Stay strong, focus on what matters.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 08:51 PM
0

I made $200k a year and give my ex 55% of my net monthly income. 🤷
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 12:29 AM
3

You made the right choice. In my state anything over 10 years is considered long term and could be permanent alimony. Judge’s discretion!
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 12:27 AM
1

THIS so much and closing off every around me.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 08:35 PM
2

My decree allows my ex 9 months to refinance the house or it gets sold. If she doesn’t list it for sale the court appoints a person to sell it and she pays all the associated fees. It also indemnifies me of ALL financial obligations. She can’t afford the mortgage either but it’s at mid 2% fixed. It is actually assumable too. Not sure what she’s going to do, I’m betting her parents bail her out. Not my problem.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 08:07 PM
1

Rejoice in the silence of not fighting anymore and find more things you used to love but pulled away from during the marriage! For me it was DIY projects to my house, motorcycle riding, camping, tennis etc. At first the free time feels lonely but as you fill your time up it’s refreshing!
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 08:01 PM
9

Hopefully admission of guilt is enough, if your lawyer says you are good to go then god speed! Wish I could get this lucky 😂
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 01:46 PM
23

You need a PI to track her movements and/or his in and out of her house morning and night. Your attorney should know how much evidence and what type is required based on the county judge pool. Do not tell your ex ANYTHING. Keep your mouth shut.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 12:37 PM
8

I went out with the hottest woman I’ve ever seen and forgot all about perpetual celibacy. God bless Latinas 🙏
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 12:33 PM
1

Where is she from? Some cultures are much more forgiving for that type of thing, others have zero tolerance. If she’s willing to lose her ability to stay in the country that’s definitely her telling you she’s done. Sorry this happened, people make mistakes. I’ve learned the hard way too.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/25 03:34 PM
6

Ex was super underemployed. She got the $1M house and I pay spousal support to cover the mortgage plus child support. Could have been permanent support too. Fuck the law is stacked against men hardcore.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/25 02:38 AM
4

You should get legal advice from an attorney. See what the outcome of divorce will be. You can’t force her to speak to you much less forgive you. If you’ve made your peace on deaf ears then move on. Some of the best lessons in life are unfortunately learned the hard way.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/25 02:32 AM
5

I have a lady friend that has full custody of her kid and works a ton. We see each other basically every other week overnight. Works surprising well as we are both so busy. Always looking forward to relieve the sexual tension 😂 she’s also sexy af.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 02:08 PM
5

The performance anxiety is mostly in your head and happens to many of us. My suggestion is to not jerk it till you cum for at least several days, if not a week. Edging yourself can help. Always keep hydrated well (this does actually help). When you see your girl you will be super horny and not even think about your anxiety as you will know you haven’t came in ~ week and smash her to smithereens. My issue isn’t ED, but struggle to actually cum at times. It’s likely anxiety and gets easier the mor…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 01:43 PM
10

We try to only swap days when we must. I traded 5 days of nights to take a long vacation out of the country with my lady friend. My ex asked if it was with a woman and I told her it wasn’t any of her business. I’m not introducing anyone to my kids until we are damn serious and I don’t know if I’ll ever get there with anyone. Ex asked why would she trade any nights with me and I simply said, “we have 14 years left of co-parenting. We can either respect each other and trade days on occasion or hav…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 01:32 PM
1

If you can’t see yourself growing old with this woman then take your losses now. You owe it to both of you to really have a candid conversation
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 08:36 PM
21

When someone’s life unravels it’s easy to make really stupid choices…like getting knocked up by a stranger! Be there for your kids and don’t let her drama affect you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 08:03 PM
3

What is the money for? If it’s for something that affects your kids and you are in a position to do it go for it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 03:14 PM
1

I can’t disagree more. Be there for your children and you will not be written off. More harm than good will come from outing your wife’s affair to your children. Let them keep their innocence for as long as possible. It’s just not relevant for them.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 02:02 PM
1

Obviously get an attorney that knows the judges in your county! Be unemployed for a continuous year, shows you have no salaried income as a basis for spousal support. Take up new hobbies to get out of the house to make that time more bearable. A judge knows that maintaining two households is more expensive than one and both standards of living will need to adjust. However, they have massive flexibility in their rulings. Best to agree on something without going to court because it’s at least in y…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 05:41 PM
12

Ah so many wonderful things… Bought a motorcycle and camping gear. Ride out to the mountains and motocamp. It’s such a free feeling. My house stays clean. I can organize something and it fucking stays that way. Buy decorations that I actually like. Sit on the porch Sunday morning and enjoy a bitching free coffee. Organize my garage exactly how I want it. Work on my house and do it right the first time instead of fixing my ex’s “I can do anything” fucked up youtube DIY projects. My kids actually …
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/25 02:16 AM
6

Had drunken sex with my ex maybe 8 months into separation and never again. Made me second guess things all over again, a real regression in moving on. We always had a great sex life with good sexual chemistry. I have no desire to have sex with her now and limit any communication to only kid stuff. I don’t wish her any ill will, but that relationship is in the past and needs to stay that way. TBH there’s so much pussy out there, you just gotta find it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 06:28 PM
8

Should have never got married. Grateful for my children but didn’t need a contract to have them.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 01:30 AM
2

Wow. I’m relieved to see the court actually followed through for what’s in the child’s best interest. Sorry you had to go through that hell!
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 07:51 PM
32

As someone else said as well, I’m a much better Dad now than I ever was. My kids have fun when they are with me and I’m always teaching something, whether it’s school, life lesson, how things work etc. Things will be different, but different can also be great. The next couple of months will be tough but the kids will adjust.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 04:36 AM
–

Some mortgages are assumable by divorce. Call your mortgage provider, I know for a fact PennyMac is. If not, you need very specific language in the divorce decree to indemnify you from any financial obligations to the house and specify your share of the proceeds on sale at a market value
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/25 04:26 PM
3

Stay away from alcohol. It numbs the pain but does nothing to help you actually deal with it. Seek therapy, it does help when you approach it with an open mind. Validation of feelings can help bring peace knowing you aren’t crazy. Talk to friends you trust that have been divorced, they know what it feels like. Lean into hobbies that have been ignored for a long time. Focus on healthy habits, sports, gym, hobbies, social interaction. When he’s ready, go on some dates, smash some ladies to get the…
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 01:20 PM
4

Don’t bother telling the dudes wife. It’s more drama than it’s worth. Hell they could have an open marriage for all you know.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 08:21 PM
3

I won’t be exposing my kids to anyone I’m dating for a while, probably at least 6 months. They don’t need people in and out of their lives or see their dad is a man-whore just slayin it in these streets 😂 Whatever my ex wife thinks about my relationships is of no concern to me at all. The have her cake and eat it too situation she had is gone. That’s why she’s jelly. You do you, don’t spend a second on caring how she feels. She wanted this. Focus on you and your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 08:18 PM
1

I’m sorry bro. :(
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 02:57 PM
2

Lean on friends, particularly any that have gone through divorce as they know better than anyone what you’re going through. Family as will if they are supportive. Therapists for sure, they can help sort your feelings out, provide validation where necessary and help you feel like you aren’t crazy and provide suggestions on coping mechanisms. I highly recommend leaning back into hobbies you enjoyed pre-marriage. Or pick one up you always wanted to do, particularly if there’s social aspects. Being …
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 02:41 PM
1

Out of curiosity, why didn’t you get a prenup after going through one divorce already? No judgment, just interested in the reasoning.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 12:43 PM
2

Never get remarried. At a minimum a beastly prenup. Every person I know that got remarried within 2 years of divorce ended up with someone that was crazy. Are you sure you aren’t filling a hole in your life and overlooking any red flags? Can you be happy by yourself? If you are good by yourself you will not be putting up with any shit from a partner because there is no fear to being alone.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 12:36 PM
2

Divorce is the most emotional agonizing event anyone can through with the exception of a child dying or your spouse dying. Have you tried therapy? It takes more than time to heal emotional wounds, it takes self-work too.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 12:27 PM
1

Every time I hookup with a woman I feel less guilty and enjoy each person more and more. Currently seeing the most gorgeous women I’ve ever slept with and enjoying every minute. It gets better.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 11:51 PM
2

If it makes you feel better, I spent $35k in attorney fees and still got hosed by the law. Very likely the two of you would have spent all the equity in the house on attorneys. I do get the fairness in neither of you having anything though! You live, you learn. Focus on the future. Work hard, bet on your career and leave her in your rear view mirror. You are young as hell will plenty more years in front of you to get to where you want to be.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 11:47 PM
1

I’ve found most women don’t care if you’re bald…I’m early 40s and have dated women from 25 to 45 lol. Usually I stick with mid 30s, seems to be the sweet spot. Still hot, full of energy and fun to be around. Not saying women in the 40s don’t bring that vibe too, just not as often.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 10:18 AM
4

Wow. You are strong my friend. There are much better times in your future ahead of you. Don’t let the bad times make you lose sight of that.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/25 03:30 AM
2

Google your state law. It’s a table and a formula, or settle on something different. Many states, it’s always modifiable for a “material change” or circumstances which is pretty broad.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 03:40 PM
1

I’m not sure on CA law but in my state your last tax return and W-2 are used as the starting point for spousal support and child support. Option one shows a much lower income which is realistic because it’s what you want to do. Drag your feet if you have to so that you have an entire year making minimal money. Your stbxw could try to impute your high income to benefit her. If you have a year plus behind you, that argument is much harder. You can also argue you can’t have that demanding job with …
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 03:14 PM
2

With 50/50 custody for both of you it is a logistical challenge. I was seeing a woman for 3 months and she cut it off just cause of logistics. She was 45 mins away too, sex was great and we were on the same page about mostly everything. It happens, on to the next! I actually met a woman with one kid that lives 2 miles away in my neighborhood…never know what’s around the corner.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 01:53 AM
7

I have 3 kids including a young daughter. I understand your feelings exactly. Your ex should be doing the vetting. Is she a good mother? A decent judge of character? What your ex does when you aren’t around isn’t in your control. Getting to know a dude you implicitly dislike (for good reason) probably isn’t going to help. Let’s say he’s a jackass, now what? You tell your ex her bf is an ass and you don’t want your daughter around him? There’s nothing to make her do that. Do you think she’s going…
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 08:43 PM
1

There are many ways to discipline your children. I have 3 kids under 10 and have never needed to hit them. My ex lets them do what the fuck ever but when they are with me they are well behaved, understand boundaries and listen. I apply logic to my reasons so they can understand why a rule exists.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 08:32 PM
10

I don’t think I’ll ever live with another woman. I have two FWB (had three but that’s just too much) and having a great time. Dating in my early 40s has been an interesting experience and honestly surprising how easy it is to get laid on a second date 😂.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 04:41 AM
8

Our executed agreement gives my ex 9 months to either refinance, assume or sell. If she does nothing, a court ordered appointee sells the house and all associated fees are paid by her.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/25 03:34 PM
9

My ex did not work much at all during separation despite being able to earn a decent wage as an accountant. If you go to trial you will need a vocational expert to assess her. ~ $5k. The risk is, the judge may or may not give a shit and greatly impacts spousal support and child support obligations. My attorney and the mediator felt where we settled was the best case for me but I still feel like I got screwed by the law. 10+ year marriage in my state can result in permanent spousal support. I mad…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/25 03:32 PM
8

I have my 3 kids under 10 50/50. When I don’t have them I take motorcycle rides out to the mountains, play tennis again, pickleball (very social sport), go see random bands and smash sexy women from 25-45. I was lonely at first but not having to deal with my ex on a daily basis really brings a breadth of fresh air. It took nearly a year to adjust. My kids have adjusted well too. I can do whatever the fuck I want.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 02:12 AM
3

Wish VA was like that. She didn’t work all last year while we were separated to fuck me in spousal support on purpose. We both had the kids 50% of the time AND I worked my ass off to support two households. Fuck the divorce laws!
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 12:19 AM
3

You should discuss with your doctor. I had “brain fog” for a while and cut 25 lbs that I didn’t need to cut. All stress. Divorce is hell.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/25 10:04 PM
4

I just went through this in mediation. Basically I kept all my retirement and she transferred her retirement to buy my equity out of our marital home. I also kept all equity in the rental property I’m currently living in that we bought years ago. Check my post history from mid June to see the details of the deal. She has 9 months to either refinance, assume or sell the marital house. $550k equity is hers free and clear. I got $200k in equity, $500k in retirement assets. Spousal support may still…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/25 06:29 PM
5

Have you made it clearly known to your wife how you feel about her behavior and the consequences of doing nothing? Divorce is one of the hardest things to go through, particularly when you have children. From my own experience in divorce, had my ex and I focused on repairing ourselves and our relationship with as much energy as we spent on divorce I think we could have rebuilt a healthy relationship and enjoyed our kids growing up together. I tell everyone that’s on the fence to try everything p…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 07:58 PM
3

I did reconnect with my dad a handful of years ago. We both had multiple other situations we did not handle well and spent many years not talking at all which was stupid. He had a massive heart attack ~6 years ago which really changed his perspective. We let the past be the past. Time is precious, and anger never solves anything. We ride motorcycles together now, go fishing with my kids, all good things.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 07:21 PM
1

Same situation. Also waiting to hear from others haha
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 06:00 PM
3

My parents divorced when I was 18. My mom shit talked my dad while my dad never did. 20 years later I realized my dad was trying to protect my image of my mom and my mom and wanted me to hate my dad. I wasn’t close to my dad until I divorced myself and realized how fucked up my mom’s actions really were. As a result, neither my ex or I ever talk shit about each other around our kids!
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 05:55 PM
4

The resounding message you’ll see here is don’t get married. The downsides are so huge. Look for women that share common interests, common goals, someone that ADDS to your life, educated, emotional intelligent. TBH, women under 25 haven’t got their shit figured out and many men under 30 don’t either (I didn’t). You want a woman that treats you the way she would want to be treated, as that is the golden rule.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 05:16 PM
5

Kids are old enough that your oldest can watch the youngest. Your ex isn’t the same person she was and never will be. Would you marry you ex right now? Hell no. Move on. Find your own happiness. Focus on your kids wellbeing and your own. Every one of us has felt exactly what you are feeling right now. I drowned myself in the bottle for months until I decided to do things that brought me joy. Once I was OK with my overall situation, I dated and realized women love confident men that embrace their…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 04:06 PM
1

I got curb stomped as many others do. It sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/25 07:01 PM
1

No, it’s a time saver. I have a woman I’m dating now that’s an attorney and she uses it to search for applicable cases, then reads them. It’s great for that kind of word searching stuff. I would ask AI to reference the exact law section then read it myself too. It’s great at parsing through information but obviously it doesn’t analyze your particular situation necessarily well.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/25 07:36 PM
3

I used AI to pour through 7 years of bank statements searching for specific spend amounts or vendors. Saved me a shitload of time. I also used for general research as others have so I could ask pointed questions to my attorney and save the BS small talk at $500/hr.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/25 07:28 PM
8

All of us have felt the same way at some point. When you don’t have the kids, it’s time to focus on you. Get back into the hobbies you enjoyed prior to kids (healthy hobbies). Some part of you will always miss those mornings together, but you will have those mornings with your children still- enjoy the moments with them. They grow up too damn fast to look backwards all the time. While life will be different, it can still be fulfilling and fun.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/25 03:18 PM
5

Divorced a month now. Started dating immediately following separation (18 months). It is amazing fun for the most part. I did meet some truly psycho women but have good stories to tell haha. I’m early 40s and smashed women from 23 to 45. Currently have two FWB situations in their mid 30s and we are all on the same page. We hang out, enjoy each other’s company, i blow their back out and go home in the morning. 👌
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 05:43 AM
7

You’ve known this woman for 6 months. Straight up divorce and walk away.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 05:30 AM
1

I had similar results doing exactly the same, calorie counting and eating less than 1500 calories a day. I usually walked only 5-7k steps a day on average. No other regular exercise. I was 255lbs and 6’0”. Over 18 months I was down to 172 by solely eating less carbs, minimal sugar, no soda even diet. This was 3 years ago during covid and my A1C went from 7.0 to 5.4 and holding. I’m now lifting 3x a week, still low carb but eating a ton of protein and veggies.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 08:51 PM
5

Divorced a month, separated for 18. FWB with 3 women. It’s great. One is the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever dated. Colombian chick that’s the type IG reels are made of. Hang in there, apps were a ghost town for 6 months and then it just started raining women 🤷
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 02:50 AM
1

I’ve been dating for a year and have met some decent women and some real crazy ones that at least provide a good story for others. Plenty women (with or without kids) have no issues with a single Dad from my experience. Some cases, the women without kids can’t/don’t want to deal with my custody schedule (50/50). Women with kids seem much more accommodating unless we have opposite schedules. Generally I won’t consider women with more than 2 kids. If anything long term ever happened, I’m not tryin…
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 07:17 PM
1

I went through exactly this. Divorce finalized 3 weeks ago. read the divorce law for your state. Get an attorney pronto Download every bank statement, credit card statement, mortgage statements, loans everything for the month you separated. Then get everything for the last 3 years Deep dive into your monthly finances, analyze everything you spend money on and figure out where to cut. You should not just stop paying for the mortgages particularly cause your kids need a place to live and could be …
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 02:19 AM
1

Your math isn’t mathing. I did a deep dive in my last year of separation to figure out what I really spent my income on. I downloaded 1 year of data on every credit card statement, bank statement etc. Put them in an excel sheet and categorized each transaction and made a pivot table. Your expenses are very very low. You are missing a bunch of stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 07:12 PM
10

Lawyers always go for the worst. My ex attempted to get full custody too. Divorce is finalized and I’m financially ruined for a while but I have 50/50 custody. Keep your head up. Do not engage her until you meet with your attorney. Proving you are violent to a judge will be her burden to prove and is difficult without substantial proof assuming it even gets that far.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 04:40 PM
1

Maybe her tone will change after the latest judge ruling?
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 06:07 PM
18

A keeper you still don’t marry.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 01:54 PM
5

When it’s over it’s over. You just aren’t ready yet and that’s ok. It’s a process.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 02:10 PM
4

Well said. When I first separated I was definitely not ready and made some very poor decisions, they were fun decisions but overall not of sound judgement. Def get your head screwed on right. Therapy can be very useful.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 12:40 PM
2

You won a single battle. The war has just begun! Maybe your ex will be more amenable to settling outside of trial? It will save you both quite a penny. Trial is full of unknowns and the same judge could swing the other way for completely unknown reasons. I always suggest everyone try to settle outside of court if at all possible! Good luck and congrats on the win
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 12:38 PM
12

I’m too busy fucking other women to worry about whatever the hell she wants to do. I’m at ease knowing she’s not my problem to worry or deal with other than for co-parenting.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 12:33 PM
2

Lawyer first. Even if you don’t go to trial, they will advise you of your rights and make sure the agreement is fair. If there is an income disparity you could get spousal support or more equity from the house as a buy out. Right before you out your wife, download your current balance or every account you have. All savings, checking, credit cards, mortgages, retirement accounts etc. Open a new checking account in your name only and maybe get a credit card in only your name with 0% for 18months.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 03:17 PM
2

This is exactly how I got screwed by my wife even though she left me. She purposely kept her income as low as possible during our separation time. This tactic works 😢
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 03:10 PM
3

You need to consult an attorney ASAP. You can get temporary spousal support (pendente lite) and child support which is based on the difference in income between your wife and you and your divorce hearing. Your wife is playing hardball to get out of paying you anything. You will get half of everything plus child support and at least 5 years of spousal support as well. Use my situation as a data point. I pay my ex wife 55% of my NET monthly income for spousal support and child support. It could ha…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 03:08 PM
9

My divorce finalized 2 weeks ago. I’m financially broken but the resulting peace is glorious.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/25 03:31 PM
3

For me, more kids would be unnecessarily complicated. I have 50/50 too but pay $1464 in child support + spousal support. I’ll be financially broken for a while anyways 🤷
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/25 03:30 PM
2

Thank you for sharing. Most men lack a support structure for dealing with divorce and I was one of them. Seeing posts like this confirms feelings that you’re not alone nor are you crazy. Grief hits everyone. I lost my wife, my house, my job, my identity all within a year. Since then, I’ve gained a house (small one), a good job, my identity without the need for a +1, great confidence in dating, independence to do whatever I want and I closer to my kids than I ever was before. There are dark days …
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/25 08:24 PM
4

This sub served that purpose. I’ve mostly found people that have gone through divorce can immediately relate to much of what someone feels. They’ve been there and it sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 08:52 PM
3

It’s a personal boundary, she’s not going to get all the benefits of our relationship when one doesn’t exist. I also put a ton of work into that house myself to make it the way she wants and finished a 2200 sqft basement myself for my man-cave. Im sitting in a townhouse with less sqft than the basement I finished while she’s in a 6000 sqft house. I’m done with all that shit. If it directly affects my kids then I’ll help, otherwise hard pass. I’m just living my life.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 06:15 PM
3

Solely because my kids live in that home half the time too. If she gets ripped off by a contractor then that’s money out of the pool she can use to support our children. I’m sure eventually she will find someone else to give her advice but she knows my advice is right.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 06:02 PM
13

Your marriage is over. You don’t owe her anything beyond being the best father you can be which requires you to be a good co-parent. She’s no longer your wife which means she’s not first or second. That’s you and your children. I think she’s trying to control you. I’ll never be able to put myself in the head of a woman as it’s lost cause. I’ve found being angry with my ex brought me no joy. Being indifferent though, brought me peace. You need to do whatever that is to bring you peace. I don’t wi…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 02:17 PM
2

Court is a wild card man. It could swing either way as the judge can do whatever. She should be reminded what the cost of trial is for both of you and how much money she’s really nitpicking over!
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 12:59 AM
1

I’ve had a bunch of folks reach out to me directly with their story. There is a commonality among them and that they got completely fucked over going to trial. One example, a person in my state with an 11 year marriage and similar income spread had to pay $2000 a month of PERMANENT spousal support plus child support and daycare. 😭 Thank you all for the support.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 12:57 AM
3

One year and 1 week. Law required one year of separation since we have kids. We exchanged blows via attorneys for 6 months probably and reached an agreement in mediation, signed everything and done. Avoid trial if you can. You have control in a mediation, judges do crazy shit sometimes.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 12:54 AM
3

I got a zero percent interest credit card for 18 months. If it’s a contest divorce stick with a damn attorney even if you mediate. Check my last post on the outcome…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 12:47 AM
5

Divorce finalized last week. It’s like a huge emotional weight was lifted off my shoulders. Financially I’m in shambles but that’s temporary. Seeing two great women rn that are independent, intelligent and chill (so far). Shit gets better bro!
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 12:41 AM
1

It definitely stops! 🤞
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 05:59 PM
2

3 kids
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 03:04 PM
4

I’m not sure how someone would hide their employer from their wife for a decade.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 03:03 PM
2

Def still applies to spousal support! Good luck
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 01:06 PM
2

File a motion for pendente lite relief. The income gap will award you a huge spousal support and child support payment. Now she has an incentive to agree on something. Pendente lite is retroactive in most states. She will owe you back child support and spousal support to the date of separation. Just the motion to set a hearing may change the whole narrative to settle prior to the hearing.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 03:43 AM
1

If you haven’t talked to an attorney you should have yesterday. Short answer is you’re going to get roasted if it goes to trial. Your options are that you can give her more cash and/or spousal support. Some states allow permanent spousal support to be ordered by the court, others do not.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 03:36 AM
2

YOLO bro!
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 03:25 AM
1

She should have just had dinner with you. Definitely irrational.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 03:25 AM
7

I booked my vasectomy consultation. No more kids for me.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 12:39 AM
1

I worked at the same company for our entire marriage so my ex wife knew who my employer was. My attorney did not challenge the subpoena.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 12:20 AM
3

Only good thing was 3 great kids but cost me 15 years of my life and $750,000. I don’t even want to calculate what it’ll cost me on top of that in spousal support and child support.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/25 07:02 PM
1

Great convo here. In terms of debts, they are allocated based on the person’s ability to pay. The mediators’s opinion suggested I’d end up with at least 70% of the debt and very likely 100% and possibly pay 50% of her $550/hr attorney fees.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/25 06:51 PM
1

Overall I’m confident my likelihood of a higher earning capacity will out pace hers. Since we agreed to not use the tables, she would need to earn a ton more before I could take her to court for a reduction. I purposely left off requiring W-2 exchanges! The only thing she’s required to notify me of is getting remarried and I’m sure she’d flaunt that all over social media anyways. Hopefully she gets remarried soon to a dude that treats my kids decently.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/25 06:44 PM
2

Her attorney subpoenaed my employer for all the records they had which included my final paystub last year and W-2. Can’t really hide your income unless it’s under the table like hers.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/25 06:39 PM
2

You can’t move on with constant reminders everywhere. This is true for you as much as it is for her. I gave every photo I had of us as a couple to put in a box for my kids. I keep photos of us in their rooms as we will always be there parents. Everywhere else is just photos of my kids. Google photos memories are the most painful. They always catch me by surprise when I think I’m feeling better. I disabled them. I disabled my Facebook account too. Just tired of seeing her the stupid ass “look at …
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 04:27 PM
2

😂 truth!
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 04:13 PM
4

Thank you for sharing a shit situation that eventually becomes much better!
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 03:49 PM
3

I’ve been dating like crazy for 6 months and there are some really decent people out there. It might take a while to find one but they are out there and really blows some fresh air into the sails.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 03:33 PM
3

I think it’s a learning lesson for younger folks to protect themselves for sure. I’ll bounce back eventually but that sting is brutal. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 03:18 PM
9

👌
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 03:16 PM
1

Yes because statute is statute. The judge has discretion over everything as long as he states he considered all the items required in the law, for better or for worse. The uncertainty is maddening.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 03:13 PM
6

I’m sorry man. That lost time is worth more than the money.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 03:09 PM
2

In VA yes. Child support formula goes to zero for each party when the wife’s income is 90% of yours. You would still split day care and health expenses 50/50.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 03:05 PM
3

I was net negative about 2500 a month for the last year. Moving/house to furnish, expenses related to have 3 kids plus attorney fees. I’m in VA. Putting your future in a judge’s hands comes with great uncertainty particularly in VA apparently.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 03:03 PM
6

I had zero assets when we got married. Never even considered spousal support being an issue at the time as the plan was for her to get her cpa and make a decent income. It never happened.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 03:01 PM
1

Opposing counsel could present discrepancies in expenses. You can always say no, I have the proof and shove a binder in their face. Generally if it’s minor amounts of money in the grand scheme of things the mediator will suggest moving on from nickel and diming for the sake of time and to progress to an agreement. What we did is just concede partially on disputed items. For example they claim your expenses are 50% inflated. You offer 10% to just move on to the next issue. It’s a shotgun approach…
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 03:01 PM
8

Definitely great points and it’s a travesty. To be clear, I have no issue helping her with child support but the basis for the calculation is absolutely bullshit when tied to an artificially low income. If she had full custody I couldn’t live on my presumedly solid salary and might as well off myself. If you are going to marry, the woman MUST make within 75% of your income. Pay the fucking daycare costs rather than your wife stay at home. At least then she’s also contributing to the net assets a…
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 02:12 PM
1

In trial, no one will care what the rate is. It’s just equity that gets split.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/25 11:18 PM
1

Most pension payouts are independent of remarriage!
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 10:22 PM
2

The answer is to never marry a woman that makes less than 75-50% of your income.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 10:21 PM
17

Stop posting on reddit and get a fucking attorney bro. One misstep in CA could get you cooked for 18 years
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/25 11:18 PM
10

I will say, being a single dad, you are treated as an outsider by most. Mothers do most of the group play date setups, most of the kid arrangements and when you are there, half the time I’m ignored. The women chat about how hard their stay at home mom life is with 2 kids in school and 6 hours to watch Netflix and do fucking yoga or maybe they have a bullshit part time job that’s the hardest thing ever. It’s fucking sickening. Many parents aren’t comfortable with their daughters going to a single…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 01:53 AM
7

No woman should guilt you for time when you’re with your kids. I don’t expect constant messaging/talking with a woman when she’s with her kids and vice versa. Bright red flag bro
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 07:02 PM
1

If you didn’t have kids just leaving the country is def an option. Is it really 18k in interest? Did you verify the numbers? From my own divorce countless “errors” in calculations favored my ex greatly. Paying another attorney sucks but could greatly reduce your liability or even reverse the pressure she’s putting on you.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 12:45 AM
5

If no kids involved just leave. Fuck it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 11:26 PM
12

The saddest part, it’s also her children’s money she’s burning. Sorry bro. Best of luck burning her to the ground.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 03:42 AM
5

Might be worth a dead fucking serious conversation with a clear “this is what at stake”. If her spending without telling her partner what’s going on is the mountain she wants to die on then you blowing that mountain to pieces is 💯on her. If the love is actually gone then maybe you don’t even need a convo. Lawyer up and file. You can probably get spousal support based on the income disparity too.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 03:40 AM
2

Sometimes fear has to be faced head on. Living alone is tough…at first! Do stuff to meet people, pick up hobbies, go to the gym etc. When I fire up my smoker I ask all my neighbors to throw meat on it too. We all have drinks and shoot the shit. Socialization with anyone helps with that isolation feeling.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 02:45 AM
2

If she has a problem with it then there’s an underlying issue. Red flag for me. Have you already added yourself to her body count? 😂
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 02:23 AM
1

Nothing bet hell. Don’t do it for your child’s sake.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/25 11:49 PM
1

Anything I put in writing is written knowing it could end up in court.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/25 09:15 PM
1

I have this exact 2-2-5-5 schedule. We’ve tried everything, this one works the best for now.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/25 02:06 PM
1

Bonuses are not guaranteed but CS is based on ALL gross income.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/25 10:48 AM
1

Most states split all child care costs by the same ratio of income used in child support. Is it not defined in your custody and child support order?
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/25 01:20 AM
5

Sounds like she had some “errors” on her part that greatly benefited her. She should be open to remove closing costs and realtor fees, they are clearly not applicable among other things.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 08:34 PM
3

Is the extra money worth the fight in trial and the attorney fees? Ultimately, it’s your decision, not your attorneys. You can negotiate all the way up to trial.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 08:28 PM
8

Biggest red flag is to talk shit about your ex. If she asks just tell her the truth, you moved across the country to start a life together and she abandoned you with a text message. It hurt a lot but through therapy and self-reflection I’ve put it behind me. She clearly wasn’t my person. Time to move forward!
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 12:34 PM
1

Get your wife to go back to work for a year before divorcing her. You will thank me later.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/25 07:50 PM
1

Never just rely on your ex’s expert testimony. Get your own valuations and appraisals. If nothing else, a judge would at least split the difference.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/25 07:47 PM
8

You need to give her a ton of space and figure out why you actually want to stay other than for your children. Otherwise, when your kids are grown you’re back in the same position but on the hook for even more spousal support and asset division plus less time to find a person that meets your needs. You should really face the potential of divorce. Read the law for your state. Interview attorneys and ask them questions on how to handle your case and what to do right now to protect yourself. Is you…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/25 12:19 PM
2

In many ways I feel like I ruined my life too. In many ways I did. I don’t think I was unhappy enough when it’s all said and done but I made my bed and now it’s time to lay in it. What exactly is different now versus when you married her? Write it down. Ask yourself, are you just reaching for shit cause your life has turned upside down. Having a child is rough, believe me I know. I got 3. You say she’s your best friend but there’s no love anymore. What is there not to love? Do you get baby sitte…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/25 08:47 PM
4

I got some cute books for my kids to give their mom and a plant. The day is about the kids appreciating their mom. Def not stressing over it lol.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 07:50 PM
3

This! Judge wants to spend as little time as possible trying to figure this shit out. 2 summarized sheets and 500 pages of forensic evidence with an expert witness speaks a LOT.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/25 11:20 PM
12

Not worth the fight in a short marriage with no kids. Split your assets and walk away.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/25 02:22 PM
13

Vocational expert witness plus 3 years of tax returns makes a strong argument she’s grossly underemployed. Fight for primary custodian with 50/50 physical and legal custody. She pays YOU child support. 🔥
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/25 02:15 PM
2

Talk to an attorney ASAP. He will tell you to file now. 3/20/2025 is your separation date and begins the waiting period (if required). Do not refi until post divorce. It could be a waste of money otherwise depending on the division of assets. Doesn’t matter whose name is on the deed if it’s a marital property. Use her willingness to end the marriage as a negotiating tool for a more favorable outcome for yourself. Definitely the goal is to settle outside of a trial.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 06:20 PM
17

Great advice here. The battle of your marriage is over, now it’s time to act in your own best interest and your kids. This is now a business transaction to protect your own interests. 1 - open your own checking account and have all direct deposits of yours go there. Transfer money to the joint account with clear notes “mortgage” “electric, gas, internet”. This makes discovery easier later on and proves no financial abandonment with a clear paper trail. Read the section of law on divorce from you…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 04:49 PM
1

She’d get 50% of what you contributed/gained in the past 3.5 years unless you guys agree mutually on something different. Definitely try not to go to trial and come to terms with something outside of court. ALL assets are on the table that were gained in the marriage. Her 401k/retirement too.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 02:41 PM
2

Sounds like neither of you meet the definition of illicit sexual behavior for adultery. Def consult a lawyer but seems like the standard 50/50 division of marital assets would be the norm in your situation. I don’t you’d be on the hook for spousal support in such a short marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 02:37 PM
3

For NC, the spouse that committed adultery has no rights to alimony. Flirting with women or going on dates is not adultery by NC law definition.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 12:56 PM
4

You the man. Congrats on not bending the knee
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 10:32 PM
3

As a millennial, I’m not after the turkey necks. Maybe some of us are out there trying to break some backs. I’d rather chase early 30s 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 09:44 PM
6

Most states won’t allow you to evict a spouse. Lawyer up. Even during separation she likely has rights to live there but you can make her life hell by being petty af. Following divorce judgement, she can be forced out by eviction proceedings based on a month to month verbal lease (again state dependent). Lawyer up and get a game plan.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 09:35 PM
7

No kids? Block her. Move forward. Have kids? Block her emotional and put your kids first.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 09:31 PM
2

Careful with the Cuban women. They are in the far upper right quadrant of the hot vs crazy curve. 10 hot = 10 crazy. Ask me how I know 😂😂
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 05:16 PM
1

Do not try to get into the mind of your ex. It’s not worth the effort. Focus on improving yourself and doing things for yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 05:13 PM
10

You can play your ex the worlds smallest violin 🎻
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 05:09 PM
1

Based on state calculators you could take her to court for only child support modification. That could open the door to her challenging custody but they are separate. Def consult with an attorney in your county
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 01:25 AM
1

Get it in writing so it’s not a trap
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 06:10 PM
2

Try to do everything to save your marriage. That being said it takes two to do that. Does your wife want to end things? Have you had a heart to heart convo? Has she gone to individual therapy as well as you? Don’t bother with couples therapy till you’ve both done your own work solo. It will be hard solo fathering with kids that age but will get easier as they get older. The painful part will be paying spousal support and dividing your assets in half. Child care and child support will hit you har…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 01:14 PM
17

Rule #1. Date when post divorce with women that have their shit together. Jesus fucking Christ bro. Rule #2. Don’t ever finance any woman’s life. Rule #3 don’t remarry a woman that doesn’t make at least as much money as you. Rule #4 if you don’t follow 2 and 3 you will be broke while married, lose half of what you got when you divorce AND pay her alimony potentially. This post should make everyone in this sub feel better about their life choices. I’m sorry you’re going through this man. Make a c…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 10:36 PM
3

Hang on, your pension was used as alimony and not equitable distribution of assets? I’m going to by alimony after she takes half my retirement
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/25 10:50 AM
4

I’m in VA. What is your wife’s earning potential? My attorney hired a vocational expert to analyze her earning potential as she’s grossly under employed. 20 years is a “magic” number for the potential of long term alimony. Many judges default to the Fairfax formula used to calculate pendente lite support which keeps all rulings more or less equivalent (google it) and then add or subtract from there. Read the section of law a few times, it may help too.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/25 09:41 AM
1

Depending on your state, custody can be completely separate from the separation agreement and file with the court prior to divorce. If you and your ex are in agreement with custody, that is the path of least resistance. Include everything in the custody agreement, every holiday, time changes between custody, kids picked up or dropped off by what parent. Everything. Your attorney can probably give you a draft to start with. This doc is used if shit hit the fan you can fall back on this document. …
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 08:07 PM
3

Lots of us have been where you are for various reasons. 1 is that your children need you. They will always need you. Money can be made in the future but time with your kids now can never be replaced. When the thoughts pour in, do something you enjoy, particularly something your ex didn’t like or didn’t want you to do. Keep busy when you don’t have the kids. The thoughts alone can be overwhelming. I’ve been through the depressing thoughts, panic attacks etc. Medication can knock the edge off - go…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 03:06 PM
7

Sounds like you may benefit from therapy to unpack why you acted as you did. Recognizing the issue is the first step and sometimes the hardest! Now it’s time to do something about it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 12:33 PM
3

My ex and I have been living separately for 10 months now and in-home separation 6 more months. My 8 year old was laying in bed with me and I asked her how she was doing and she “living in two homes is tough dad, I miss when we were all together so I can see you every day. Going from one house to another just sucks. I miss you, I miss mom, I miss the time with both of you” I had to fight back the damn tears. I miss that too. I told her I know it’s hard and different but I love you and your mom l…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 01:07 AM
2

You’re going to lose half your shit either way. Do you have an agreed upon separation date? Mediation can certainly save you money but you should consult with an attorney to make sure you aren’t screwing yourself. The state you’re in, the income disparity between you both will dictate spousal support. Read the law in your state. Consult an attorney to get the complete picture. Start mediation with an offer vastly in your favor. Think about how and where to compromise. Attorney will give you an i…
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 04:31 PM
5

Path of least resistance is actually working on the marriage if there is anything left to save. Otherwise, move to Florida first then divorce as others have said. You could likely have to pay many many years of spousal support plus child support as you are over that 10 years threshold
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 04:20 PM
1

I was laughing in agreement with you actually 😂
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 12:35 PM
4

First off, you want kids and she does not. I’m not sure how that wasn’t always a wedge between you two. She moved to another state and doesn’t even speak to you. She’s either moved on already or partially a sociopath. Y’all been together 12 years and just pick up, move and ghost that person? Shit that’s cold af. Making out with girls well 🤷 I don’t personally care about that but if it’s not ok with you then there’s another line crossed. The crossed lines look like a tic-tac-toe board man. File, …
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 03:17 AM
5

You are doing the right thing and the agreement is there to force both of you to follow it. Hold the line strong.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/25 10:43 PM
4

Talk to your attorney. More than likely it’s just noise but you may need to CYA yourself as much as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/25 02:34 PM
–

Man that sounds like a cluster fuck. You want to reconcile but your wife doesn’t know if she wants her boyfriend, you or no one? I would make the decision for her. I think the relationship is done. Cut your losses.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/25 02:32 PM
6

Lawyer up asap. Read the entire divorce section of your states laws. CYA. If you go to court the judge will more than likely divide assets in half requiring the sale of the house. My situation is similar with a great mortgage rate. Tax-differed assets are not dollar for dollar equivalent to tax free house equity. For me, tax rate is around 50% including penalties.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/25 02:26 PM
7

She is scared and doesn’t want to face the music even if it was her idea. She took your child. She is not the woman you married any longer. Get a lawyer, he will submit an order to the court for your child to be brought back to the state. Her being a SAHM has dire consequences for you in terms of spousal support, even if divorce was her idea. I would suggest mediation, particularly if you’re in CA The fight ahead of you is to remain in your children’s life permanently and the remaining is a busi…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 12:59 PM
1

She is scared and doesn’t want to face the music even if it was her idea. She took your child. She is not the woman you married any longer. Get a lawyer, he will submit an order to the court for your child to be brought back to the state. Her being a SAHM has dire consequences for you in terms of spousal support, even if divorce was her idea. I would suggest mediation, particularly if you’re in CA The fight ahead of you is to remain in your children’s life permanently and the remaining is a busi…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 12:59 PM
10

Call a lawyer ASAP. Take photos of your injuries. If you get charged for domestic abuse say NOTHING and ask for your lawyer. You may be able to spin a self-defense counter…maybe.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 09:44 PM
2

Hire a vocational expert to testify on your wife’s earning power. It’ll reduce your spousal support obligation greatly. May move the needle a bit on child support too.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 06:54 PM
5

As an attorney, you have probably read the applicable section of CA law. Understand what a judge is probably going to rule as a starting point and settle below that out of court!
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 06:51 PM
2

lol thanks for the laugh. 😂
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 01:15 PM
6

Your wife has a masters degree. Have your attorney hire a vocational expert to determine what jobs she has access to and the resulting salaries based on her education and experience. Expert witness testimony goes a long way. I’m going through this right now. My wife has two bachelor degrees and has worked part time for years and has made no progress seeking full time employment and consults for non-reportable income. My attorney assures me it’ll be the best couple thousand dollars I’ve ever spen…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/25 03:35 PM
2

You are paying them big money. Do not use them to vent or be your therapist. Stick to business only. Read the entire divorce section of your state’s law. Then read it two more times. Write down questions on what you don’t understand or think applies to you but don’t know what it means. Ask about how spousal support is typically allocated in your state and for how long. Discuss custody, typical judgements, are you going for 50/50? Have them give you the child support calculation workbook/form so …
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 11:33 PM
1

Consult an attorney first off. Second, does she have a degree? What is her earning power if she were to work full time? A judge can impute income to her to reduce your spousal support and child support…even if it’s working $16 an hour at McDonald’s. That will help but if you are a high earner, it’ll still clap your cheeks. Some states have statues based on length of marriage too. Others are rule of thumb. If you’re in California you’re fucked. From what my attorney says most Virginia judges defa…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 06:11 PM
1

Def consult a lawyer. Has her income increased too? Has your costs for healthcare for the kids increased. There may be some avenues to mitigate some of the increase child support liability
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 06:02 PM
1

Your attorney should know exactly what to do. Change in income is a material change for spousal support and child support. Your income/expense statement should reflect your new salary as it’s the only one that’s relevant too. Mediation allows the two of you to find mutual ground rather than trusting in a judge to do that for you. Lay out the facts clearly and see where you land. Your ex can’t expect you to live on credit cards for a decade or more and neither would a judge. Another angle is that…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 05:58 PM
3

Some find faith can be helpful. Go to a few different churches on sundays and see what one is a fit. Join their divorce support groups. Go out with friends! Join a sports league for something you enjoy, tennis really helped me. Go to very popular restaurants and sit at the bar. I’ve had a lot of interesting conversations and even a few dates from just random people eating dinner and having a drink. For the gym, join some classes. Your goal isn’t necessarily to meet anyone in particular, just the…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 05:54 PM
1

My kids were 3, 7, 9 when we separated. First two months were hard. Fast forward almost a year and it’s no problem. They’ve adjusted really well. Kids are very pliable. My 8 year old daughter keeps asking me when I’m going to have a girlfriend and inadvertently wing-man’s for me in public (pretty hilarious). I’ve never bashed their winch mother. They accepted the fact we aren’t married anymore and don’t live together but still love them the same very quickly! I never speak to my stbxw about anyt…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 01:50 AM
4

I’ll never legally remarry either. My ex even wants all my retirements/life insurance etc to name her the beneficiary until my youngest it 18! I’ve already changed the beneficiary to a trust with my children as the beneficiary and my childhood best friend as the trustee. I’ll be damn if I die and leave her wealthy enough to continue to never work for the rest of her life.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 01:41 AM
9

Divorce is a business transaction, nothing more. You may give a little and realize your ex is actually planning on trying to burn you to the ground. Fight for what is best your children and you.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 01:35 AM
5

Read your states law on spousal support. Then read it 3 more times. Most states say it’s to maintain a similar standard of living. Hire a vocational expert to assess her true earning potential. You may not have to give her anything if that income is within a certain percentage of yours. Most states don’t have a set formula but judges use a formula to keep verdicts similar and make the decisions quicker. Virginia judges typically use the “Fairfax formula” as a basis and adjust for items called ou…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 01:32 AM
11

My stbxw believes she deserves everything we have ever made together, despite me being mostly the sole income source. She’s been severely underemployed for years and years and wants an obscene amount of spousal support. Trial is in July and she just sent my attorney a request for mediation. I think maybe her attorney shed some light on the situation. I’m still losing a fortune but alas it is the cost of peace unfortunately.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 01:28 AM
5

No worries and I 💯 agree with you. Marriage is a scam.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 01:19 AM
3

Please edit with some paragraphs
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 01:16 AM
1

If you own the house go back and tell her to gtfo.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/25 01:33 PM
3

You can only control what you think, what you say, what you believe in and how you react. Be thankful the dude seems like a decent guy. Keep moving forward and be the best dad you can in the time you have with your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 02:13 PM
3

Sell it and buy something fun or ratchet af just for kicks!
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 01:37 PM
11

After being married for 12 years and in the middle of divorce and my ex potentially taking at least 50% of my assets plus spousal support for a period of time, hard pass. Either epic prenup or stay single. Marriage is a contract that only benefits the lowest earner. You can be the best person in the world and she could walk away leaving you high and dry, no fault of your own.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 10:58 AM
3

Talk to an attorney. That’s more than a 50% pay disparity so possibly some alimony for a set period of time. In terms of her cheating the judge COULD use that to sway the decision based on “any other factor the court finds to be fair and relevant. (Ohio Rev. Code Ann. § 3105.18.)” the judge could be like, hey you decided to leave and cheat, you’re on your own hoe” 🤷
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 07:07 PM
3

Lawyer up and draft a custody agreement to be filed with the court. This can be done separately from all the other parts of divorce!
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 11:24 AM
6

I care what she makes. I’m done being a bread winner by leaps and bounds. I want an equal partner that I don’t have to financially support at all.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 11:05 AM
3

When you find someone that has the chemistry and vibes that match, fuck it’s amazing. Really made me wonder what I had been missing my whole life. I’ve never been the type to literally get butterflies but it’s awesome when you experience it and even a little scary. I’m dating a woman that’s same age as me, kids the same age and lives within 30mins away. Super independent, was the bread winner too and we can talk for hours and hours just enjoying each other’s company and then have sex till we are…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 11:01 AM
1

Whoever your ex is with will never be your kids father. Your kids will know this and you will continue to bond with them. Hopefully the bf treats them right and if that’s the case be thankful. Anyone that treats my kids like gold is good in my book even if they are doing it to dick down my ex-wife. She’s his problem, have at it bro. You don’t have to compete on a monetary level. Just have fun with them. Take them fishing, camping, play video games with them. Laugh with them…Be there for them.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/25 02:02 PM
2

There’s always risk. Rather burn the candle on both ends and go out fast than lose 5-15 years of your life on the slow burn. You are right, I got hurt. She realized the life she would have with me isn’t the life she wants. I can’t blame her decision. It really hurt but there are plenty women out there behind her.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 07:49 AM
3

Slow burn never works out for me. I had a gf while separated that was like being struck by lightning. The chemistry/fire was intense. I’ll be forever looking for that again!
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 10:41 PM
2

Shattered my tungsten carbide band with a hammer and pawned the gold band. Took the diamond out the engagement ring (1.5 karat) to give my daughter one day and traded the band for a watch.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 01:10 PM
4

Moved photos on the computer to an archive folder. Took all the wall photos and put them in a box for the kids later in life.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 04:06 AM
7

You guys decided it’s best to live in different houses and remain friends. Reassure the most important thing in both of your lives is your son. You both love him more than anything and this decision has nothing to do with him. He will have two homes now (my kids 3 kids enjoy that) and can call the other parent anytime if he misses them. The first couple months will be tough but he will adjust!
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 01:52 PM
2

You need to have proof and documentation to support your disabilities preventing you from certain types of employment. Anxiety disorders can be crippling as well as your health concerns (or a real shit show). A vocational expert will be looking for local opportunities, no judge is going to make you move across the country so you can pay your wife alimony. Your wife will try the convince the judge you can make $300k a year and you will try to convince the judge what you can really earn to support…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 08:49 PM
4

Have you laid out exactly what you want to be different? Major changes in a long marriages take hardwork from both of you. If the marriage can be saved I would suggest trying and seek individual therapy FIRST before couples therapy. An indifferent sounding board can be very beneficial to ask questions if your needs/wants are rooted in a larger issue. Divorce brings the absolute worst out in even good people, avoid it if you both can.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 05:07 PM
2

Your wife’s attorney will hire a vocational expert to assess your earning potential. Alimony intention to is maintain a rough standard of living, lucky for you your wife makes decent money. In Virginia a rule of thumb judges use is the Fairfax formula which is 26% of the higher payers monthly gross minus 58% of the lower earner for couples with kids and slightly different without (not much difference). The math works out that if the lower earner gross is 45% or more of the higher you pay nothing…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 05:03 PM
2

You are spinning out, possibly for nothing and 💯 over something you have no control over. While she’s gone, do something YOU want to do. You’re both separated, hopefully your bank accounts are too which in some states is a requirement for separation. People separate and reconcile, it happens but both of you gotta put in work/effort to figure out what’s missing/broken in the relationship AND what’s likely fucked up in each of you as an individual that got y’all to this point.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 04:36 AM
1

Look up the law code and calculate it yourself. That seems 50% high for 50/50 custody tbh. Find another lawyer as well!
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 04:30 AM
3

I get almost all my action on hinge. bumble was fire when I first joined but an absolute ghost town 2 weeks later.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 02:54 AM
5

Great advice. I’ve been on the apps for a couple of months and have met some really fun women and some that I just left early on the first date. I’m a decently attractive dude, 6’0 185 lbs professional with a job no one understands which brings lot of questions to talk about, my own place etc. I do reconnaissance with them just asking questions about their dating experiences. My favorite so far is in tech and she uses a burner phone number because dudes are so sketch! I ask them what platform th…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 02:50 AM
1

Your rent counts as income for your total household gross income for the month. Makes child support even more.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 01:16 AM
1

If she wants out she can move out. Do not move out. Lawyer up for expert advice.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 12:57 AM
2

Third child absolutely wrecked us individually and consequently our marriage too.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 12:33 AM
7

Stick it out, until you get her working full time in her career. You can’t afford child support + child care + spousal support. Judge may impute min wage for her income which will leave you out to dry even with 50/50 custody.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 11:44 PM
2

Take a deep breath, I think you’ll be ok but lawyers are expensive but a necessary evil.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/25 12:21 AM
2

I took my daughter out for a valentines date. She’s the only lady in my life that really matters.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 07:08 PM
3

equitable distribution only applies to joint assets you obtained DURING the marriage. How much could you have gathered in 14 months? The kids aren’t yours, that’s her problem. Unless Alabama is ass backwards you won’t owe her a dime. Most states, spousal support isn’t even an option until 5 years. Just because she’s been unemployed for 10 months doesn’t mean she has no earning power either (how did she live the previous years of her life!?) Lawyer up ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 07:04 PM
1

Even with my kids I sometimes shoot my shot. Got absolutely nothing to lose! It’s really a numbers game ultimately. There was a lady loading my groceries a few months ago (pick up order) and she said she really likes my glasses, I told her she had a gorgeous smile that would brighten anyone’s terrible Monday. She wrote her number on the receipt. I hit her up and she ONLY wanted a casual fwb arrangement which I was happy to provide. Pay attention to the way others interact, lots of people are obl…
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 11:51 PM
3

I’ve had a lot of dates from hinge and bumble but the easiest are organic. Join some clubs, take some classes. I’ve met women in divorce groups, yoga, tennis, pickleball, volleyball, flag football, trivia nights at well known bars. I expect to not meet anyone and generally at least have a good time even if I don’t get laid. Upper 20s and lower 30s women seem to dig the confident older man vibe. I dig that ass…😂😂
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 08:38 PM
3

Got kids? If so buy stuff for them to give her.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 12:24 AM
3

I did. I used it as an escape from a ton of family drama, work stress, child stress (3 under 8 at the time) and severe depression I didn’t really know I had until later. I had an affair with a much younger coworker for over a year. I was so delusional I thought I even loved her. In the moment it was the best time of my life but I was living an unsustainable fantasy that had no real future. The fog is so real. Wife found out and I moved out (11 years of marriage). I got medicated, did therapy and…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/25 03:13 AM
2

The financial change is the cost of happiness. I live below my means and find happiness in relatively inexpensive things. I gave up my track car (expensive hobby) knowing one day I’ll get back into it. My house is a fraction in size of our marital house but it’s mine. My bills are a fraction of what they once were. I find joy in experiences rather than buying things to fill the hole I had in my life. I did a lot of math to figure out what life may look like on my own. I’m sure I’ll owe spousal s…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 07:49 PM
10

Kids are tougher than you think. I have a 10,8 and 3 year old. I thought the same. Sometimes I second guess myself still (separated for 9months now). I have never felt closer to my kids than solo parenting them 50% of the time. The first month was rough but they adapted quickly and now enjoy having “two homes”. I also really appreciate the time I have to myself to do whatever I want and not have to answer to anyone. If I want to sit in my underwear and play video games all Saturday that I don’t …
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 06:20 PM
2

There’s no mention of her potential earning power? I’m hiring a vocational expert witness to prove my wife is vastly underemployed to reduce spousal support. Best $3-5k you will ever spend. His drastic income drop is a material change to readdress child support for sure. He could also appeal the judge’s decision. Without more context no one can really make a fact based judgement other than at face value and he got a raw deal.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 10:13 AM
7

Yes. I focused 100% on everyone else except myself. Now I make an effort to do things for myself. It’s all a balance and the pendulum was swung way too far the other way. I also let things go way easier and sooner. Life is too short to be angry or bitter. Now I shrug shit off and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/24 01:16 AM
13

Be thankful it was 4 years and not 30 like some!!
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 08:13 PM
10

Buy a motorcycle. Get a dog. Plenty things more fun than dealing with women on a regular basis
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 09:21 PM
1

Tinder is trash, seems to be all fake profiles and the money grab is ridiculous. Hinge works well in my area. I’ve had 9 dates in the past 2 weeks. Only 1 of them worth a second date 😂 cat fishing photos piss me off. Always the best angles, filtered to hell. Come on…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 02:11 AM
3

Everyone has weak moments, days, weeks or sometimes months. We are human and grieving is part of the process. You can’t drive forward looking in the rear view mirror. The person you married is not the person you are divorcing. Remember that.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 12:15 AM
10

Boundaries. That convo is a no go for me. That’s what friends are for that aren’t your ex husband
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 12:11 AM
9

You and your wife should read some marriage counseling books. Both make an honest effort repairing what’s damaged. Divorce will ruin both of you. Remember you guys got married for reason. Lots of advice on this sub, as expected, is to move on. They may be right in the end but if the two of you can make an honest effort to communicate and understand each other’s perspective you could grow back together. If not then you gave it an honest effort.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 12:09 AM
2

Talk to an attorney pronto. I’m saying get her to agree to a separation agreement that’s the basis of the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 12:05 AM
2

I’m in Virginia too. The MSA is the basis of the divorce decree. Her taking the kids away from you shows she doesn’t have the kids best interests in mind. Document everything. The minute you have your kids, have the attorney send the separation agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 01:38 PM
4

Make a separation agreement. Let her realize what she’s losing. Maybe she will internalize her actions and change. Maybe she won’t and you move on knowing you did what you could. A marriage takes two people trying.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 10:45 PM
2

Cut her off, full no contact unless it’s about the kids and serve her a separation agreement that benefits you. You specify the custody arrangement and lock your kids into your school district. Go full no-contact. Let her actually feel and realize what she’s losing and in the meantime you heal. Do whatever you find joy in that’s not self-destructive. Maybe she snaps out of it and shows true remorse, but you will be in a position of power mentally and legally to give it a shot or move on. Good lu…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 10:41 PM
1

I can tell you that space and gray rocking can shock someone out of the mid-life crisis or the fog their mind is in. Sometimes losing everything is the wake up call people need. Whether it’s too late or not, well that’s different for every person’s situation.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 10:35 PM
2

You have the absolute best attitude. I don’t know how you remain so strong but kudos to you.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 12:25 PM
1

My 8 and 10 year olds FaceTime me anytime they want from their iPads. Typically it’s when they get home from school and before bedtime. If I’m going out and know I can’t FT them at bed time I FT them earlier and let them know. When the kids are with me they do the same with their Mom. We also play Fortnite together a fair amount (3 man squad) and they both really enjoy that time!
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 02:29 PM
4

2-2-5-5 is seeming to work well and my 3 kids under 10 adjusted pretty well.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/24 11:10 PM
1

This is simply false, you can live together and be separate. Read the Va code, sleep separate, no family vacations, make your own meals, do your own laundry are a few of the things called out. Coming to an agreement between the two of you first is the way. Mediate only on what y’all can’t agree on.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 03:57 PM
4

Bout to pull the trigger on a new aprilia rsv4 factory to hit the track!
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 10:48 PM
1

It’s always amicable until it’s not then all hell breaks loose. Be prepared.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 01:35 AM
1

Same boat here. She’s getting all the house equity so that I don’t have to liquidate 401k/IRA.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 02:20 AM
2

They impugned salary as a basis for child support, spousal support or both? NoVA is quite the cluster fuck.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 02:10 AM
1

Your feelings are valid. So sorry for the pain you’ve gone through…can’t imagine
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 01:17 AM
3

Get a credit card in your name sent to your office or something. Put the attorney retainer on that card to start.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 09:28 PM
2

Do what brings you peace. Do what you feel you are ready for.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 02:40 AM
2

The don’t move out advice is YMMV heavily. Before you do it talk to an attorney. Put together a parenting plan prior to moving out. Make sure there’s no way she can claim you abandoned her and the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 01:18 PM
1

Have your kids make something or buy some small things with them for their mom. They will love giving her something. Buy some flowers and have your kids give it to her. Go to Walgreens website and put together a photo album of photos with her and the kids. Like it or not you and her will always be connected to each other through your children. Eventually the two of you can find respect, compassion and maybe friendship for each other based on the love of your children. I get where her head is at……
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 11:25 PM
0

Separation agreement that includes verbiage to allow both to “act as unmarried and single” and to only allow a non-fault divorce. You can stipulate no co-habitation etc. Your state may be different than mine tho
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/24 11:48 PM
2

You can’t change the past but you can learn from it and move forward. You and your wife’s current relationship is a model for your kids future relationships. While you may be finding comfort in them, they are learning how to have a dysfunctional relationship thinking it’s normal. What advice would you give your daughter (if you have one) if she was in a similar situation as your wife? I’ve definitely made worse choices than you recently but thinking about my kids gave me clarity and direction.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 05:39 PM
-3

How does your story end up?
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 12:56 AM
1

You aren’t wrong. Hindsight is 20/20. I truly wish I had separated before all this started. Realistically, we should have discussed our issues before the thought even started. Lesson learned here for future readers. My state is an at-fault state but it’s insanely hard to prove and doesn’t necessarily provide any benefit versus the attorney costs.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 12:52 AM
0

I did a lot of self reflection on why wait for an AP to come along and I think it’s fear. Fear of hurting your partner, tearing your family apart when really you’re kicking a snowball down a mountain that’s just going to get bigger. It’s also selfishness which is hard to self-realize and accept you’re capable of something so terrible. I’ve never cheated before either.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 12:24 AM
0

Great thoughts. Thank you for the honesty. The kids are what really matters. Oddly enough, my Dad did the same to my mom but stuck around for 15 years being miserable and took it out on everyone including me. I can’t repeat that history.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 12:20 AM
-11

Hey now she’s mid 20s now. Logically you are probably right. But if I can feel that good with her there’s someone else out there too? There’s no guarantee I haven’t burned the bridge with her either way. It’s really about the selfish feeling of wanting to be happy and the pain inflicted on those that don’t deserve the fallout. I’ve always followed logic all my life and here I am. Maybe it’s time to follow the heart despite the associated costs?
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 12:01 AM
1

Can’t marry in VA until divorce is finalized. There is no legal separation either. Your lack of regard to your current family could affect custody for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 02:11 PM
2

I’ve lost 75lbs (255lb to 175) and 6” off my waist for the same reasons over the last year. No appetite and jogging with interval sprints to clear my mind. I’m slowly getting my appetite back and going to lift more with less cardio. Exercise is the only thing that gets me a nights sleep by being physically exhausted.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 02:04 PM
5

Chemical engineer here that works with tons of mechanical engineers too. Have you considered mechanical/piping design? Get an associates in drafting. You can double your current salary. Huge demand with many senior level guys retiring. If you hate math, any engineering field will be brutal to get through college despite the actual math as a practicing engineer is rarely more than algebra/trig
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 11:11 AM
2

Thank you for this!
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 02:10 AM
5

I’ve never had a panic attack before either until going through separation. Wish these on no one. For me, house projects, woodworking and exercise (tennis, sprints and lifting) seems to keep the anxiety at bay. Much better to fall asleep physically exhausted than have my mind race all night long with “what if” scenarios that don’t matter. You are not the only one…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 02:02 AM
1

I’m in VA as well. What is your wife’s earning potential? Punitive income can be added to her which reduces your spousal support payout. My attorney said it’s about $5000 to prove earning potential from a vocational expert and ALWAYS worth it. Not much you can do about child support unless you and her agree on something different.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/24 07:28 PM
2

Rather be alone than in a miserable relationship with no light at the end of the tunnel man…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/24 02:26 AM
2

If the two of you can afford two separate places and the family house that could be a good option. Most folks cannot flip the bills for that though
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 02:23 PM
2

What is a realistic salary for her? The court can order punitive income to her which reduces your alimony and you can agree on that without going to court too. Keep in mind child support is calculated after alimony as your income is reduced and your stbxw income is increased. If she’s working you’ll have to add child care costs on top of the tabulated child support values too.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 01:55 PM
3

Damn I feel this so much “comfortably miserable” for the exact same reasons.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 03:12 AM
1

My state doesn’t even have legal separation…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 01:45 AM
2

The shot you never took is a shot always missed! Get out there.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 11:46 PM
5

I spent $350 for the what was supposed to be an hour. We talked for 2 hrs and was the best money spent per hour in my life. Really liked my attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 12:57 AM
5

Im looking at a half million windfall total. 10 years married at 41 y/o
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 12:17 AM
3

Reach out to several lawyers before you do anything. Interview them and find one that you feel matches to what you are looking for. Once you find one, put a list of questions together. The first consultation will be the most useful time spent for the money. Get your finances in order. Open a new checking account, change all critical passwords. Pull your credit report and check for anything weird. You will be in for a fight but the law of your state lays out the ground work. Read the law for your…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 01:30 PM
1

Punitive income doesn’t apply? Sure seems you may be able to make a good argument to the court.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 12:11 AM
1

That’s not been my experience. I’ve been with a 23 year old for 8 months now and she’s amazing. I’m in my lower 40s. She’s an old soul and I’m a young soul. You’d think the age gap was only 7-9 years. She very well could be a unicorn though.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 05:41 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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