My divorce was finalized this week. My ex has a dual degree in finance and accounting but made $18k last year working part time while I paid 3800 in support and child care during separation. I made $190k last year but was laid off and now make $162k. Net worth around $1.2M, married 11 years. Both early 40s. 50/50 custody.

We settled in mediation where a retired judge gave us insight on how a judge might handle the case. We had a pendente lite hearing the following week and trial end of July. Mediation took 12 hours.

There was a good chance I could be forced to pay permanent spousal support due to the marriage length and income disparity. Courts would likely use my previous year’s income as the basis. I had a vocational expert assess her earning potential at 70k. Judge could ignore it totally or partially. Maybe they would consider my current income but no guarantee. Ex had 20k of unreported income which would cost a fortune to prove and potentially still be ignored. Spousal support was estimated at $3800 for an unknown duration. It could step down after a few years.

Child support for 3 kids, based on the tables in the law was $1400 plus 70% for day care and healthcare. I pay the premium for the kids health insurance fully. Youngest has another year before school which is 1200 a month.

My net monthly income is ~$9000 a month. Spousal support plus child support and daycare would be 6000 a month. My mortgage is 1400 for a 3bdr house and I have no debt besides the hole in my wallet from paying 50% of my income for a year to my ex, my expenses are low. My ex’s expenses are high. She gets $350 hair cuts while I’m coupon shopping at Foodlion.

Final agreement we reached was:

My wife got the 6000 sqft house free and clear (550k equity), I got my house free and clear (200k equity), kept my retirements (400k), assumed all credit card debt (30k), split lawyer fees 30k+ each, and I pay her $4300 a month of which 2900 is spousal support. 2nd year spousal support is 2000 then following 4 years 1000. Likely much better outcome than trial but still shit. I can’t touch my retirement without paying nearly 50% tax so I’m stuck in this small house for a long time.

Fuck marriage. I’ve worked hard for 20 years only to end up just as fucking broke as I was in college. If it wasn’t for my children not only do I wish I didn’t get married but I wish I had never met her at all. I’m so fucking mad at her, angry at the bullshit legal system, mad at myself. I’m just fucking angry at the world.

The good thing is, I can move on. In 2 years financially I’ll be ok and we didn’t have to fight over custody. The next 12 months will suck.

Edits: unmodifiable duration and amount for spousal support. This was a real win for me to get that added. Spousal support awarded by a court is modifiable by law.