TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

Positive-Neck-1997 Archive

View 2 posts and 121 comments by Positive-Neck-1997 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

I asked my daughter what she was planning and told her I’d help if needed. She bought flowers with her own money and I helped he wrap them up nicely. Yeah, do it for the kids as others have mentioned.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 05:28 AM
1

Try to take anything sentimental with you and anything you want that she doesn’t want, otherwise start over. It’s not worth fighting over this stuff as it’s legal fees and garage sale pricing. I found it enjoyable to start fresh with “stuff”.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 09:13 PM
12

For those who experience this in the future, you have the right to have the local police escort you into the house to get your stuff. Call them, not the holder of the DVPO. Sorry this happened OP, that’s fucked up.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/26 12:52 AM
6

My ex withheld custody 100% of the time for about 6 months, so getting 50% was pure joy.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 05:40 AM
14

What a great post, congrats! I hope all men on this forum learn and grow via divorce like you did. This line has me cracking a smile… “My finances are running on a surplus because I don’t have a bitch draining them.”
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 01:22 AM
4

I agree with leading with part 2. But if you tried this so many times, are you willing to try again? If not, then perhaps just do part 1 and leave it at that. Good luck and keep us posted. This is tough.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 01:08 AM
1

This info seems quite accurate on the surface. I don’t know if you figured all of this out yourself or had AI do all the legwork…or if ur an AI bot. Regardless, this post brings up a lot of interesting points… After a long period of good times together, the relationship fails. Everyone changes all the time (especially their bodies) - it’s lame to blame this as a reason why you are terrible. People can be very mean. People need friends. You can do better. Thanks for posting this great info and I …
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 07:06 AM
4

Saying something bad that happened to you out loud is a good thing. It helps you realize what happened was real, and how bad it is. Glad you found this option. Hopefully a few others can benefit.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/25 06:13 AM
1

This is tough and it sucks, but if the other person is nice, you may want to consider them as another adult in your kids life that can help support them. I really hope this person is a good influence. You can’t control your ex, so just focus on having a great relationship with your kids when they are with you. But yeah, this seems pretty quick as you are not divorced yet. Im not sure where you are, but if your ex cohabitates with another person, alimony ends…
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/25 05:54 AM
1

Everyone is different, my situation dragged out several years, and it did get better as time went on, so please don’t think it will be this bad for so long. I noticed a big difference immediately after the divorce was finalized, and things got quite normal 6-12 months after that.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 05:33 PM
2

You are not alone. Seek out your friends, talk up potential acquaintances, and move your body. We feel for you, but please keep a positive mindset. I’d suggest you think about the things that inspired you as a kid and try to follow those leads as best you can. You got this!!!
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 09:34 AM
2

Hey man, I can’t imagine e the shitshow you are in. I don’t know how old your kids are, but I’d say you should stop focusing on her, focus on being a great dad, do your best to deal with the legal situation, and have a great time. You can’t control her, so you gotta figure out how to not let her bother you. And show your kids how much of a badass you are 😃
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 09:31 AM
3

Dude, you have full custody. That’s amazing. Be the best parent ever and rock it out. A lot of us have lost custody for months, years, forever. Don’t focus on her, but I do hope you can get an occasional kid break to 100% focus on yourself. In any case, keep it up!!!
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 09:27 AM
1

You call out the key things - bending over backwards and not getting respect. I feel like this is the problem as us men give so much effort, attention and love, but it was never good enough. If you lol at your relationship ship over time, who gave move energy? This will guide you…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 09:16 AM
6

Trauma, stress and obligation. It’s ok buddy, give yourself some grace and take it easy. Time will also heal ya, but please give yourself major grace for a while…like 3-5 years. This is normal.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 09:11 AM
1

“comparison is the thief of joy” What a bad ass comment!! I’ve never heard this one before, but I think it highlights that we need to focus on ourselves for happiness…not others. There is always gonna be something “better”, but in my opinion, just focus on your own happiness and don’t give a 💩about the comparisons. It’s a never ending rathole. Just be the best version of yourself and own it. It probably bothers you (OP) so much because you are still emotionally connected to her, as if you are st…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 09:08 AM
4

You guys are divorced, please don’t let her actions get to you. You have your kids during this time which is 1000x better. Enjoy the good life buddy!!!
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 09:03 AM
1

If she gets remarried, I hope your alimony stops!! I’m hoping for the same lol
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 04:22 AM
4

Not sure if it’s normal or not, but I do not have to provide any of that info unless ordered by the court. My lawyer made sure of this.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 09:31 PM
8

Yeah the ones that hate you so much love your money.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 09:30 PM
2

This is great to hear - just be there for your daughter and you should have a wonderful relationship with her for the rest of your life. You sound like you are doing all the right things.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/25 06:13 AM
2

What’s happening to you really sucks. It does get better. Hang in there brother, and fight for your kids. They need you. Sending good vibes…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 02:50 AM
9

Just stop living together and make the move. Live your life looking forward and you will see who your real friends are. Just accept it and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 04:19 AM
14

Don’t let her know that you know. Use this info to your advantage, preferably to divorce quickly and to your financial advantage.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 04:59 PM
2

Exactly, don’t live in the past. What previously happened is reality. It’s not fair to compare that to the future. Give yourself some grace and realize that you can also change for the better.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 08:53 PM
6

Hey man, great job being an awesome dad!! You can still be a part of your kids life and help them become a great adult. You can be there for them the rest of your life. It sucks you lost your job though, but I’d venture to say it was worth it. It gets better after the final divorce decree. The legal bills go to zero, you can focus the time you spent defending yourself back to work or somewhere else. It will get better. As an example, I went through a 30 month crapshow and while my company stood …
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 04:24 AM
7

This really sucks, but I’m glad you have the passport blocked (CPIAP, I assume?). Make sure to also register in the Prevent Abduction Program with the Department of State. You may need a court order, but that sounds easy considering there is a warrant. The Department of State employees are super nice and understanding. Is she a foreign citizen? If so, what country, and are they part of The Hague convention? In my case, I got a court order to successfully block a foreign country from issuing a pa…
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/25 03:27 AM
2

That’s just straight up discrimination based on gender.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 06:29 AM
2

It’s insane that the specific judge you got could impact custody so much. This is another reason why the presumption should be equal.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 04:03 AM
5

I’m sorry this is happening to you and it really sucks. I wouldn’t report him as it serves you no purpose other than to make you feel good. Focus on getting through the divorce as fast as possible with as much custody and assets as possible. If anything, use your knowledge of this situation as a bargaining chip as negotiations near the end. Don’t do it now as she will likely freak out and make the divorce much more difficult.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 03:23 AM
6

The presumption of 50/50 would also reduce the demands on the ridiculously overloaded family court system and save men significant time and money. I had to fight for 2.5 years and spend around $200K in legal and expert fees to get 50/50. This set me back financially about a decade. Totally unnecessary. Take custody off the table as a bargaining chip for women, and I guarantee you cases will settle much faster.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 03:14 AM
3

Hey man, just be kind to yourself and take your time. Ignore my advice and everyone else’s, and figure out what makes sense. If you have a kid (or kids), focus there for the foreseeable future. Enjoy life buddy, you deserve it!!!
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 03:57 AM
1

I’m in NJ, and child support is 5% of my income. There are multiple ways to calculate child support in NJ, and somewhat negotiable.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 01:28 PM
1

If you file now, your agreement will have a set end date. If you file in 21 days, it’s permanent, and I’m not sure what conditions will trigger the end of it. I believe retirement does…Plus you are somewhat gambling that laws do not change related to permanent alimony in the next 16 years. At minimum, you should consult with a few lawyers ASAP. BTW, after reading your edited comments, seems like you are already divorced, just living as roommates.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 04:57 PM
1

A friend of mine was close to the 20 year mark and filled a day before his 20th anniversary in NJ. He served his wife a few weeks later, but he will not pay lifetime alimony. You literally have 19 days to decide if you want to be with this woman for the rest of your life. Date of filing is what matters. While I can’t tell you what is best for you, you should think long and hard about what you want your future to be like. I think you know what the future brings for you… I will note that in NJ, al…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 07:07 AM
11

You got this. Be polite, professional, attentive to the judge and honest. Wishing you a great outcome!!
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 06:51 PM
1

That’s messed up, what about “is it appropriate to separate any aged child from a parent?”
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 02:45 PM
1

For me that would immediately result in “This mediation is over.” You would be much better with another mediator who believes in equality or just let a judge decide. Imagine if the genders in your comment were reversed…
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 12:11 PM
4

It’s so important to stand firm on 50% custody if you want it. I had mediators try to convince me I wouldn’t get 50% and to accept less. I held firm and eventually got 50% after a lot of time and money. My ex initially offered me 2% custody, and looking back, that should have been my initial offer to her - 2%. In fact part of me wishes I initially offered her nothing as a starting point for negotiation. Silly me started at 50% custody, 50% assets and a reasonable alimony/child support. That left…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 07:24 PM
5

I don’t know where you are, but this commenter is spot on. Shut the eff up, get a lawyer instantly and get the lawyer to undo whatever you signed. I’m sorry you are going through this, but you need to wise up and realize you are in the fight of your life. Want to be in your kids life going forward? Lawyer up and good luck with the war. Put yourself above all else until this is done. You got this!
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 05:06 AM
1

This is great to hear, congrats on getting what you deserve. Nice answer to the judge too.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/24 02:33 PM
5

100% this!!! Also talk to your closest friends and let them know, along with you family and boss (if you really trust them…if not, inform HR directy). During my divorce my ex threatened to contact my work. So I dealt with that by having a candid conversation with my HR business partner and got the judge to issue an order preventing my ex from even communicating with my work or people I work with. My boss was even cool enough to write a letter on behalf of the company to the custody evaluator tha…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 04:37 AM
4

New high-end snowboard setup, gear and yearly season passes. 2 sets - one for Northeast, one for Rocky Mountains…cause I stay in both areas often and don’t want to deal with checked bags on the airlines. And nice NHL season tickets for my daughter and I 😀 No regrets on either…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 04:26 AM
1

So 4 of us here have nearly the exact same scenario…hmmm
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 01:29 AM
1

I’m pretty sure it’s a method outlined in some divorce playbook floating around out there. What bothers me is that it uses the kid as a negotiation point. Our kids are these awesome little humans who need support from both parents and any other adult in their lives…not a pawn in some stupid adult game.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 01:28 AM
4

Your story (and what you wrote in the comments) mirrors my situation almost exactly. You are doing the right thing by staying calm and having a custody evaluation. While it took nearly 2 years for me, I eventually got 50% custody and it was worth it. I’m almost a year after everything was finalized and my relationship with my kid is stronger than ever. I feel like your ex is using the same stupid playbook mine did, which worked last century…but now all it does is cause some long term alienation …
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 09:12 PM
8

Do not under any circumstances get passports for your kids until the divorce is settled. If you have them already, secure them outside there house. Make sure your lawyer has a firm grip of international custody. You didn’t mention what country she is from, but start researching The Hague convention and see if her home country enforces it FULLY. You can also start your divorce by getting a court order keeping the kids in your state and getting them on the do not issue passport and do not fly inte…
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 12:52 PM
3

Noice - I feel like just 2 or 3 of the improvements you experienced are a giant win. Well done sir for all aspects!!!
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 02:34 AM
2

Whoa, bringing up something like that 10 years later is nuts. I have flown a ton over the years and her request was stupid. Sit down and chill out as they land the plane. Unless there is a medical emergency, you need to relax. Sounds very controlling and self-centered. I think you know where this leads you…. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 03:58 PM
3

Getting shit from someone for something you didnt’t do is the worst. She could have spoken up and communicated her needs instead of getting upset. And people that constantly bring up the past in a negative way also suck. You can’t change the past so why let it impact the future so much. I’m all for learning from the past (errors and successes), but bringing the past up anytime there is an argument is so childish.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 02:11 PM
2

So true, mine settled a few days before the trial because she didn’t have any more money to pay her lawyer for the trial. I wish the trial date was set a few years earlier.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 04:44 AM
1

If you trade retirement money, I would request a tax offset such that you cashing out the retirement funds nets you the $200K. In this example, if she can refi on her own, you should get $200K of 401k, and $200K cash proceeds from the house. Now let’s say she can’t refi and wants to give you her share of 401k instead of cash. I’d run the calculations to see how much 401k would net you $200K in cash AFTER taxes and penalties. It’s likely somewhere around $350K of 401k, as there is a 10% early wit…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 05:27 PM
4

Maybe, but it depends on what you want as an end game. Just be honest with your attorney. Having no children should make divorce much easier than most. Give your attorney a nice summary of your financial situation too.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 07:40 AM
1

This is so true
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 05:43 PM
1

This is great advice. Give ur self some extra grace now, and rest up. Take a break before the new chapter. We’re all here with you and going through similar thoughts. You are not alone buddy, stay with us
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 03:20 AM
1

In my experience it only took one person to fight and cause the legal fees to escalate unnecessarily. Such a waste of resources all around.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/23 01:47 PM
1

FWIW, in my state of NJ, the "unofficial formula" is 22% - 28% of the difference in gross income for half the duration of the marriage. For higher incomes, it 22%, and 28% for lower incomes. For longer duration marriages, the alimony duration is increased. In your case, in round numbers you make $99K, ex makes $33K - a difference of $66K/year or $5,500/month. On the low side, you would pay $1,210/month for 1.5 years and on the high side you would pay $1,540/month. These are your bookends, and yo…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 01:32 AM
2

Since you are in Florida, the new Alimony law comes into play. It sets maximum alimony based on a formula. I'd recommend that you understand what you maximum obligation would be worst case under the law, and accept something remotely close to that. Since your marriage is so short, fighting over a few hundred dollars a month is going to be eaten up in legal fees. First step for you is to listen to this podcast episode on the new Florida Alimony changes. You are in luck as the podcast is hosted by…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 01:24 AM
1

Daughter is 12 now and has had a cell since before divorce started. Divorce took 2.5 years and was really nasty, to the point where custody was withheld by mom for many months. When we gave my daughter the cell phone, I told her I can track everything she does and will always know her location. Daughter is cool with it and I routinely help her with any tech questions, passwords, etc. During divorce, mom petitioned the court to disable gps tracking, and judge denied the request (NJ). That cell ph…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/23 02:06 AM
1

This is an expensive job for a CPA, but should be cheaper for QDRO attorneys. Try https://www.pension-evaluators.com/ or https://www.pensionappraisers.com/ It’s a simple math formula and works be nice if the ex could just agree to an amount, but mine can’t do basic math and insisted we pay a company like this. It’s still costing about $2K here.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/23 09:06 AM
2

Yeah, 20 year marriage = life here
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 05:37 AM
2

I agree with moving to a place of peace. While a divorce may consume a significant amount of mindshare, once you are on the other side it’s a different world. It’s the time you can truly rethink and adjust so many aspects of life.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 06:54 PM
1

Def, and I hope this post gives others some hope. It was tough for me and I can only imagine how tough it is for our fellow men.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 06:40 PM
2

NJ, 50/50 custody, $1000/kid/month Child Support. No disrespect taken.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 06:27 PM
2

Damn, that’s an insane amount of time, and your ex is a total pos for doing that! It will take a while to settle in with your kids, so take it slow and just be yourself. Your kids are going to love seeing you as much as you will love seeing them. Congrats!!!🎉
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 11:48 AM
2

Where I am, the expert weighed in that “supervision” is a net-negative, so your situation sucks. I really hope things can change, as they should!
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 03:44 AM
3

We’re all sending you good vibes friend!
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 03:23 AM
3

That sucks. Focus on turning the supervised visits into parenting time however you can. Stay strong 💪
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 03:06 AM
1

I recently learned that if CS is paid directly (with no missed payments), then it is not subject to cost of living adjustment. I am unsure if this is a state guideline (I’m in NJ). Gentlemen - push for this in your agreement as it will save you a few bucks over the years. For those who may think I’m being cheap toward the children, keep in mind this data is especially useful for those of us who have ex-wives that demand a ridiculous amount of CS (for their own benefit).
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/23 03:34 AM
5

First step is to realize that your life as you know it is going to change a lot, and you need to put your needs first. Think about your future self and use that mindset to guide your decisions. On a more practical note, focus on your kids. I am unsure if it matters that they are adopted, but make sure you do what’s best for them. Get a lawyer, secure assets as best you can, gather and secure as many official docs as possible (especially everything related to adoption), and focus any energy possi…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/23 05:24 AM
1

I recall the early days of divorce where I thought about ideas like nesting. In hindsight, I’m super happy I never went this route. The benefits of independence really outweigh any benefits I can think of nesting. I don’t know the details of OPs situation, but my advice is to think about your life many years in the future and strive for that in your negotiations.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 11:34 PM
3

Definitely file a motion in court to get some formal custody if you can afford a lawyer. Be prepared for a long fight. I’d think you have a better chance now as the kids are not in school much yet. You gotta figure out a way to be a part of their lives and not give up.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/23 03:41 AM
2

My other advice is to assume that everything you do, say, text, etc., will be recorded by your ex, and submitted to court. So be sure to keep your cool, keep all communication professional, and lay low in general till you are divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/23 01:04 PM
3

Definitely do not do that as you don’t want to be facing criminal charges along with a divorce. Your ex could easily use that as leverage, and it will cost you the price of a criminal defense attorney as well. You can record and find out info, but do things legally and in compliance with state and federal law.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/23 12:58 PM
–

I think your kids will appreciate you in the long run, even if your ex tries to poison things in the short term. Def record what you can…
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/23 12:56 PM
8

My ex did the same thing and the end result is 2.5 years of legal fees and she still won’t accept a “fair” offer of 50% assets, 50% custody and reasonable support. I’m headed to trial next week too and it’s just more legal fees to implement what should be a math formula to divide stuff up. So I’ll probably end up with 30%, ex with 30% and 10% to each lawyer. For many women, the fight is victory in their mind 🤦🏻‍♂️
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/23 12:52 PM
2

The fact that you both agreed on the kids being with you is awesome. I’d get this agreement on the court record or in a signed document ASAP. Many of us here have spent $100K+ on just this one issue and don’t have what you do. Everything else is insignificant noise in the long term…
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 03:57 AM
3

That really sucks. Things generally take forever in NJ but 5 years?!? You must be in one of the counties that doesn’t have enough judges.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 12:14 PM
2

Yup, definitely a familiar scenario. Such a waste of resources. To the OP, just keep pushing things forward as fast as you can so you can get a final decree on the record.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 11:53 AM
2

This is the best response. What state are you in, and what are the state guidelines? Where I am, the “unwritten” rule is that you pay about 22-26% of the delta in your income for half the duration of the marriage in alimony. Child support is a formula, but if you make income above the guidelines, it’s not clear. For alimony, my state looks at the 3 years prior to the date of divorce filing to determine your income. Maybe you can push for 5 years. Also, what is the duration of the alimony? Run so…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 04:41 AM
1

DM me if you want to know what I did.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 08:53 PM
1

That's awesome! Hang in there. I was denied access for about 6 months and now have 50/50 custody :) I'm rooting for you.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 08:50 PM
1

This is the best mindset that I finally adopted, and finally felt at peace. Expect the worst, and think about money as something you can earn again in the future. What would you want your father to do for you in a similar situation? I'd want mine to fight like his life depended on it to be a part of my life...which is exactly what I did...it's a street fight and do whatever you can. And it worked. Eff the money - the relationship with my kid is all that matters. They will never know what I did a…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 08:26 PM
2

I consider myself lucky as I have the potential to recover from this financially. It's gonna take a long time. I feel so bad for all the men out there who can't hang in there like I did for my kid. It must be so painful.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 08:21 PM
1

I think we all married a different person than we divorced, and all had some really nice times early on. If it took a spark to trigger a trainwreck, then things must have already been bad, but perhaps you did not see it. I was married for nearly 2 decades, so my post is really about the past 5-10 years of the marriage, not the first 5. I'm sorry that you lost your dream relationship...you are not alone.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 08:19 PM
1

You are a good father, keep trying to be there for her despite the bad feeling. Sometimes I write my thoughts down in situations like this so I can think about sharing with my kid in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 08:14 PM
4

Alimony makes sense for a few years in some cases to help get someone back on their feet, but I don’t understand anything more than that. I can understand a parent staying home before the kid(s) go into first grade, but after that there should be an expectation that someone works. If you have a high school degree, college degree and do not have a disability, you should be able to (re)enter the workforce in a few years. You have literally been trained your entire life since 5 years old so that yo…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 09:08 AM
2

Yup, you are right. Can’t go back in time here, but I hope others pay attention.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 05:54 AM
2

There is no bad consequences for these women, that’s why. My situation is just another example supporting this behavior. My advice for other men is to expect this as an outcome and do everything possible for something better. I wish it played dirty from day one and took an extreme position…that may have resulted in a fair outcome.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 05:53 AM
1

She sounds like a horrible person, that’s just crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 05:49 AM
1

I left and went back a few years after I met her. I then married and immediately felt like I did something bad to myself. Another decade+ and I have one of the worst divorces ever. After reading your brief story, I’d run for the hills and get out while you can. Your future self will thank you. If you stick around, just be prepared for more of the same misery. Choose the easy and more fulfilling path…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 06:50 PM
2

Good luck and hope all goes well, keep us posted!
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/23 11:42 PM
3

Your story and the OP’s story make me glad I did leave the house. I got screwed on custody for almost 2 years due to it but I avoided situations like this. FYI I had the cops called on me several times, had a fake gun planted in my possession and was illegibly recorded many times. Choose your poison, and it’s ridiculous people get away with crap like this and have near zero consequences.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/23 11:37 PM
2

This is why you need a court order that specifies 1) surrender of existing passports to your lawyer, 2) prohibition of removing the child from the state you live in (or the USA if that makes more sense for you), 3) prohibition on obtaining new passports, 4) permission to enroll the child in US customs and Border Protection Prevent Abduction program, 5) permission to enroll the child in CPIAP, and 6) permission to register the court order at the foreign consulate of the country your wife is from.…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/23 07:29 PM
1

This. Also do some research about how the country enforces The Hague convention as not all are equal. If you are worried about kidnapping, you need to get a court order to have her surrender the passports and add your child to the do not fly list.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/23 01:54 PM
1

It also depends on the state laws. I wouldn’t bring up anything that does not have a legal impact unless she takes the fight to crazy levels. You run the risk of having huge lawyer and expert costs that just burn the marital finances.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/23 01:37 PM
3

You should have received a bunch of interrogatories from her lawyer. Responding to them is cruel and painful. I’d have your company mail you paper checks, and cash them at the bank they are from. This would be the hardest to track down.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/23 03:12 AM
3

My ex subpoenaed all of my accounts before the first case management conference and before discovery. It was a waste of her time and money. If possible, I would wait until after discovery and open an account at an obscure bank to have my paychecks deposited into. She still deserves access to various bits of info during the divorce process which you can’t get around, but might as well make things as private as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/23 02:51 AM
3

I’m sorry that your ex did all the crap to you and it’s totally not fair. She just leveraged the legal system to her advantage. I’m also in NJ and my ex withheld custody which required me to spend 10s of thousands to file multiple motions to obtain some custody. After a $30K custody evaluation, 2+ years, and much additional money later, I have 50% custody - which should have been the default. I lost out on 300+ days of prime time with my child. Keep at it and never give up on your kid(s). Stand …
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 01:03 AM
1

I’m going through a multi-year divorce in NJ with lawyers representing each side. NJ is super busy and it seems to be common practice to grant an adjournment if one side requests it…almost like it’s just standard court etiquette. Unless you have a pressing matter, I wouldn’t worry too much. You are pro se, so keep this tactic in mind for the future when you want to delay a decision based on the other side filing a motion.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 12:52 AM
3

I’m in NJ. Was asked to pay attorney fees in every cross motion, and the judge denied it every time. I’ll note that I gave her thousands of dollars voluntarily for her legal fees up front so she could hire a lawyer, but she blew through that and requested a ridiculous amount more. I think the judge realized that I gave her enough to get divorced amicably, but since she brought the fight, then she had to pay for it. I view it as the price of anger, and it’s expensive! My advice is to be reasonabl…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 04:49 AM
1

"she went back to India with our kid in early 2016" Did you agree to this? "I never spoke to my son. So he basically doesn't know me" Did you do anything about this? "she wants to go back to India as our son doesn't like it here" Do you believe this, or does she not like it here? Read up on the Hague convention as India is a member. However, your situation seems lawyer territory as it's unclear where the child's home state is - India or USA? If you truly want to be a part of your child's life, y…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 04:51 AM
2

"I feel like the dad or person making more money always gets shitted on" Welcome to modern divorce, unfortunately. Hang in there. Many of us are in the same boat. We have jobs and make money while the other side has plenty of time to waste society's resources and abuse the system. You sounds like an awesome dad so play the long game. Your relationship with your kids seems great and they will always look up to you. Keep in touch with them, communicate with them, and fight for them as much as you …
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 04:28 AM
3

I’m not sure what’s worse, an annoying picture on the check or the annoying act of paying by check instead of direct deposit. I like both ideas…
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/23 10:32 PM
1

Why does he need to see his mom and dad argue? Stop interacting with her like that and fight for your custody rights through the legal system. You will get something, likely 50% if you don’t give up.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 02:57 AM
2

It’s a marathon, so plan on it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 01:27 AM
2

Excellent, you got this and your kid will thank you in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 01:01 AM
4

Holy crap this is insane! I’m sorry this happened to you and I hope you have the energy and resources to undo it. I’ve been in the “pendente lite” phase for 2.5 years and I highly recommend attempting to get things changed ASAP as it will eventually become the end result if it works out well. A few comments, and note this if from my experience in NJ: 1) Pendente Lite orders can be modified any time before the final judgement, so consider filing an appeal to your result or a new motion. The bar f…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 07:22 PM
1

I’d recommend getting a dedicated digital audio recorder and keep it running 24/7. Also check your state laws about one or two party consent and if it’s a two party consent state then never use those recordings anywhere as it would be considered a violation of wiretapping laws. Just keep them for your own protection in case she claims DV. Good luck
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/23 03:01 PM
1

My advice is to push all communication to email, with one thread per individual topic. Write everything as if you would be happy seeing it show up in a court document, because it likely will. If you have verbal conversations, record them with a hidden digital audio recorder to protect yourself from lies, and say only words you would be OK seeing in court document. Keep your cool at all times because now is not the time of your life where making a mistake is an option.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/23 08:15 PM
1

Make her feel good, and piss off her husband to eliminate any future potential goodwill. It’s stupid to do this as it plasters emotions all over a business transaction. And I’m referring to states where it doesn’t matter legally. In some states these grounds do matter.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/23 06:44 PM
5

This, plus it will just drag out the case much longer than needed. Just be happy you are getting away from her. Although you could cite the typical “irreconcilable differences” as grounds for divorce like an intelligent person world, and since she is indeed do cruel, she can still counter with “cruelty”, “drunkenness”, “abuse” and burn up a bunch of money from the marital estate.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/23 10:34 AM
1

It sucks that she originally was a total liar and after the initial fight you got what you originally deserved, then she did the same thing again…grrrr. It’s fascinating that society doesn’t enable you to be compensated in any way. I can relate to your initial situation and just know that your story is reinforcing for me that I need to keep my guard up. I just wish there was a consequence for such bad behavior so there would be some form of justice and also to act as a deterrent for others. For …
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/23 02:07 AM
5

I’m with you and definitely don’t miss the schedule packed vacations to her family’s home country for weeks at a time. It burned all our savings, my time off work and didn’t feel like a vacation at all. Even when we did go somewhere else it was nonstop “things to do” on a schedule. I can truly relax now and vacate my mind 😀
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/23 12:02 AM
2

Document her desire to move the child out of state via texts, emails, a signed letter, and/or audio recording that you have transcribed by a court approved transcription company (Missouri looks like a one party consent state so don’t tell her you are recording), and have you lawyer concurrently file for divorce and file an OTSC (Order to Show Cause) to prevent her from removing the child from the state until the divorce is final. I did this and while it escalated the situation tremendously, my c…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/23 05:08 AM
1

I would personally wait until the excessive travel is done if you can, just so you can respond to the shitstorm that is likely to happen on your home turf. Although, I don’t think it will matter much in reality as I’m sure she will claim your recent travel quantity is the status quo, and say you travel way more than you actually do. In my case, she claimed I travelled 70% of the time during the 5+ years before I filed. It was just stated over and over regardless of what I said. I ultimately got …
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/23 08:39 PM
3

Your comment about how men and women think about 50/50 is spot on. I’m in a similar situation where I offered 50/50 financial and custody split 2.5 years ago, and she is still refusing to agree. Her behavior resulted in burning 20% of assets so now I guess we’re splitting things 40/40, which she still won’t agree to. Part of it appears to be lack of basic math skills, but I’m refusing to give into her demands, especially after the ridiculous way she withheld custody from me during the process. I…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/23 08:27 PM
2

I didn’t say don’t record 24/7, which I would recommend every person does for their own protection. My comment was about checking your state laws before submitting an audio recording as evidence to the court.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 12:13 PM
3

Be sure you are in a one-party consent state if you ever plan to use recordings in court. Otherwise it’s wiretapping and you don’t want to face a very serious criminal charge.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 03:42 AM
1

I’m in a similar situation in NJ. Filed 2.5 years ago, STBX withheld custody and unilaterally set the percentage of parenting time significantly in her favor. She made many false accusations about me being an unfit parent, and called the cops when I attempted to spend time with my child. She refused 50/50 custody at multiple rounds of mediation and even withheld 100% custody for 6 months. A few things got me more parenting time. First, I got agreement on a custody evaluator, but that process too…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 03:32 AM
47

Darwinism
/r/MensRights28/06/22 04:26 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter