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FUMoney Archive

View 5 posts and 1,376 comments by FUMoney on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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4

You get a good divorce litigator, and you prepare for trial. From day one, trial. If it settles before then, great. But do not count on it. You press for trial, and seek the best resolution. Never fold or agree to a shitty deal.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/26 09:23 PM
6

Flee the country.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/26 08:12 PM
3

Smart people, they don't.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/26 07:24 PM
12

I'm still willing to attend counseling Total waste of time and money. Proceed with divorce. Immediately.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/26 02:17 AM
6

We already know the answer to every question: "This marriage is over. I'm out." "This marriage is over. I'm out." "This marriage is over. I'm out." "This marriage is over. I'm out." "This marriage is over. I'm out." "This marriage is over. I'm out." "This marriage is over. I'm out." You need to hear the truth. Get ready and prepare now. Mentally and physically prepare for one hundred different versions of this answer, couched in therapy-speak word salad (i.e. "I'm finding myself," "you're not em…
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/26 09:34 AM
1

You absolutely can do it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/26 08:30 PM
2

Children are resilient. They will bounce back. And if you are doing well, they will do well.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/26 09:44 AM
3

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Nc9SDtfSY0
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/26 09:33 AM
8

I had hefty career goals and she waited for me to accomplish them She works a lot. Honestly, there is a possibility you don't appreciate what you have. A female who helped you professionally, and carries her own weight in the working world? That counts for a lot. Maybe you could reset this relationship. Telling your wife how much you appreciate her. Telling her you know how hard she works, how she helped you, how you really enjoy the life you built. This may go a long way. There are times we don…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/26 01:42 PM
3

She's upset because she is asking for absolutely absurd demands and won't be getting them You should post updates here. This is very common. Many females seek absolutely ridiculous divorce terms. Males should reject these terms. Your updates will be instructive, as there's always something to be learned from the process and the fight. Also, go into your divorce as if you are going to trial. From day one, prepare your case for trial. Fold on nothing that is unreasonable. And be above reproach in …
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 12:39 PM
5

We've commented on number 1 many times. It's especially true for males. Divorce in particular, and litigation in general, is a cold, impersonal process and, the truth is, the only people who care are the parties. If you are male, absolutely no one cares about your marriage, your relationships, or your divorce. Your friends generally don't care. Your family definitely does not care. And your in-laws? They will either now act as though you don't exist, or will be openly hostile. This is not a refl…
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 12:33 PM
1

What did they warn you about?
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 05:52 AM
6

This is how it is for the vast, vast majority of adults, especially males, but some females as well. This is no reflection on you. At 23 and 20, your children are busy. There's a lot of shit to do. Find solace in the peace. And your existence sounds superb. No one pestering you to do this or that, dumping problems on you. Your time is your own. Do as you please, when you want, how you want. Lots of people wish they had your freedom.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 05:49 AM
2

Sounds good.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/26 11:35 PM
7

This requires statutory reform.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/26 05:33 AM
6

Married 6 years You better get moving. Fast. Every year that ticks by, you're going to get annihilated by spousal support, unless your spouse is the higher wage earner.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/26 02:38 AM
1

Sell it. Invest proceeds. Rent cheaply in a new construction apartment, top floor if you can get it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/26 12:25 AM
4

Does your divorce decree give her unilateral decision making concerning the home's contents? No? Proceed with moving out your stuff. If she refuses to retrieve hers, put it in storage, deliver the keys to her lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/26 08:46 PM
3

I will always find it incredible how many people go down the road of completely abdicating and essentially giving up entirely the rights to raise and care for their kids insomuch that it is handed over to a stranger in a robe. Have you seen the general populace? Have you actually sat in on two weeks of hearing after hearing in family court? Drug addicts. Alcohol addicts. Gambling addicts. Physical abusers. And yes, even child molesters, both male and female. These are only the worst of the worst…
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/26 08:44 PM
6

Tell them the truth. Sugarcoat nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/26 08:39 PM
2

Did you reach settlement? Or going to trial.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/26 08:38 PM
2

Should have got it done the first time. Now you're in a much worse position. This is why we always say, get it filed. Immediately. The passage of time only worsens your position.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/26 10:41 AM
1

Settlement agreement sounds not so great.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/26 12:20 AM
0

File for divorce. If the financial result is poverty, flee. Flee to another country.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/26 12:23 AM
1

Hopeful the prenup is upheld. It would be criminal if it is not.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/26 12:18 AM
9

the dating apps, even the ones where freaky women only wanted sex Where this be?
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/26 12:35 PM
4

I'll tell you how. Decades ago, I knew and understood how this world, how modern society, would "be." This includes the rise of zero personal responsibility, and concerted efforts to extract everything from people who are smart and industrious. This is especially the case in family law / divorce court. As well as understanding the rise of the parental/educational/medical/ industrial complex, and the disintegration of anything resembling standards and academic achievement in "public" education. T…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/26 12:17 PM
2

Sounds like a mistake. You are complicating control and ownership of one of the largest assets in your portfolio. Perhaps you disagree. Maybe your are right; marital property laws notwithstanding, if you are formally separated and buy a house, and can prove beyond any doubt neither marital nor commingled funds were used for the purchase, it may very well be yours, free and clear. But you know what else you are doing? Creating two giant fucking targets your wife and her lawyers can pursue: your h…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/26 12:03 PM
1

Did you come out o.k., even without the prenup you wanted?
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/26 02:03 AM
4

I'm not anticipating divorce or anything like that This is your first enormous mistake. Do you have a lot of assets? Own a business? Expecting an inheritance? Generally well-off for whatever reason? If the answer to any of these is yes, no prenup will be your second enormous mistake. Because without a prenup, you will have a divorce "agreement" of sorts imposed upon you -- the family law / divorce statutes, rules, and caselaw of your particular jurisdiction. The state will be your prenuptial and…
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/26 01:40 PM
6

even the speech was something along the lines of they feel lucky to still be together unlike some other unlucky person. Don't waste time at these stupid parties.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/26 11:57 AM
4

Married almost 2 years now Dude. File for divorce immediately. Yes, you will owe child support. So what. What you will avoid: a long period of alimony / spousal support. A sub two-year marriage is very short. It is likely zero alimony will be awarded. If you wait or delay, every month and every year adds to that alimony payment. File. File now. File immediately.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/26 04:14 AM
2

New Mexico has a lot of this. And the driving while intoxicated or high, significant amount.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/26 09:22 PM
4

Dump it. If rent in your area is reasonable, get a nice two-bedroom apartment in one of those corporate behemoth apartment properties, one that’s kinda new. Again, if rent is reasonable, you’ll come out ahead. It eliminates all the work. Eliminate property taxes, home insurance, mortgage debt and interest if you have it — invest the difference. Success.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/26 06:46 PM
4

and she called me out on that. Should have ended it right there.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/26 06:37 PM
10

Jettison everything but the kids. Rehome animals. Dispose of junk. Major life improvement.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/26 06:33 PM
5

Can be very simply rectified with a quitclaim deed. If she refuses to sign, back to court. You’ll need an order upholding the divorce decree, and ordering wife to sign quitclaim deed. Take it a step further. Assume wife refuses to sign quitclaim even after court order. Back to court: the court can issue an order upholding husband’s sole ownership and ordering substitute deed to be issued and recorded. Or appoint a special master or a court clerk, authorizing them to sign on ex’s behalf, as the e…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/26 06:30 PM
6

Smart. Take the offer (which you did). No alimony, no child support, no lengthy battle over an asset split. Can't do much better than this in divorce. Don't worry about the junk from the apartment, it's meaningless table stakes compared to enormous legal fees or more serious divorce repercussions.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/26 11:20 AM
2

You're 62. Smarten up.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/26 12:41 AM
5

Zero her out of your life. Cut off all contact.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/26 01:59 AM
8

Disregard the prior response. Grey rock is the correct tactic here. Ignore her. Get a lawyer. Get a trial date. End this disastrous marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 05:34 AM
5

Dude, are you ready for court? Do you at least have an outline of what you are going to request and seek, including child support and spousal support? If not, at this point, you really have only one choice: start plugging your situation into a quality AI, put in your key facts, put in your key wants. Put in your particular jurisdiction. And ask it for a divorce court litigation outline. Literally ask it for headings and bullet points of things you can argue tomorrow. You need to be ready on some…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 05:33 AM
5

Your marriage is over. The sooner you understand this, the better.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 01:09 PM
21

AI really embellished this one, compared with the original version posted a few days ago. Ridiculous.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/26 07:43 PM
13

Set a trial date. Go to trial. Reject all mediation and settlement efforts.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 11:16 PM
6

Stop paying the mortgage. File for divorce. Demand a judicial sale of the house. Split proceeds. Start new life.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/26 03:33 AM
2

Keep posting updates.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 04:30 PM
32

Reject all comments encouraging you to disclose. It’s beyond stupid. First, divorce is not done yet. Court could hall you in on anything at all, delaying the process for months, maybe even a year. Remote, but possible. Second, appeals exist. So do motions to modify. You’d be utterly fucking stupid to light a gasoline fire while the appeal window is open. And the modify window is open much longer. Third, if you do this, you immediately jeopardize “no child support.” That shit can be reviewed at a…
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 07:46 PM
1

Hopefully you went to trial.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 06:49 PM
7

Don't give up the home. And frankly, it's good your name isn't on it. Your ex will collect nothing from that house. Perfect. Keep it that way.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 07:04 AM
3

Go to trial. You sound reasonable. I think you will do very well and get a good ruling.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/26 05:31 AM
5

If you have a copy of the prenup attached to an email, that should be sufficient. Put forth everything you have to validate it. I'd get validation from the notary, too. You can do that.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 02:39 AM
3

Do not concede. Fight.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 09:57 AM
2

Get one of the paid AI models. I like Gemini 3.5, just get the base paid model. Use the "Notebook" functionality, use the "extended thinking" toggle. Upload EVERYTHING you have. Pro-tip: label your PDFs, and at least organize them into sensible files. For example, "federal taxes," "pay stubs," "life expenses," "mortgage statements," "education debt payments," "house appraisal," etc. Organize, label, upload to your Notebook. Then, let the model go to town, generating a report. Then tweak the repo…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 03:20 AM
3

Secure every scrap of evidence you need. Everything.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 02:44 AM
3

I absolutely would stop depositing paycheck. Stop now. Get that divorce petition filed.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 02:04 AM
2

Reject this advice. If you think a court will hit a female with more child support after a male does this, you need your head examined.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 07:53 PM
6

Get out of this failed marriage and relationship. Immediately. Two year marriage. No kids. Arguably minimal marital assets acquired. PERFECT. File now. Leave. Grow a set, file, leave. Financial damage will be very minimal. No child support. Almost guaranteed no spousal support (short marriage). Take advantage of this now. Now. Do not let the clock tick, increasing the financial damage.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 07:43 PM
23

Two good things to tell you. First, lawyers like your wife make terrible clients. If your judge is even marginally competent, she or he will put the spouse-lawyer in her place, and fast. Second, you now know who your family is. Spineless, gutless, unable to properly judge character, and taking the side of “the female” instead of blood. Never, ever forget this betrayal. It‘s such a faulty wiring of human DNA and societal practices that, in a relationship breakup, humans have a grossly misplaced a…
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 07:34 PM
19

Dude, you better stop fucking around with this divorce. You say you "separated." Have you filed for divorce? You say you are "working on my divorce in NC." No one knows what "working on" means. Have you filed your divorce petition? Are you docketed in the North Carolina courts? Has your ex been properly served? In North Carolina, you better read up, and fast. Children born to a marriage: If the mother was married when the child was conceived and/or born, North Carolina law presumes that her husb…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 03:34 PM
1

Only biological parents are responsible for the costs of raising their offspring. Boyfriends, girlfriends, even new spouses: not their responsibility, ever (unless they formally, legally adopt). Nor will a new partner or spouse have any responsibility to the old spouse. Indirectly, however, there definitely will be an impact. If this guy is having to pay child support, spousal support, maintain health insurance, future college costs, and who knows what else -- those are resources flowing to the …
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 06:34 AM
2

Report when order comes out.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 06:10 AM
5

You need a lawyer. And if this is happening repeatedly, you need good video evidence with good audio. No exaggeration, I think you have grounds to have an emergency TRO granted, including having her evicted from the current residence. It won’t be a cakewalk, but, if your factual recitation is accurate, I’d be filing this motion. It’s unclear if you have filed for divorce. Your divorce petition needs to be filed and served immediately. You can simultaneously seek a TRO.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 12:51 PM
1

Serious question, was the shelter at least comfortable? Able to get good sleep?
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 12:45 PM
6

Say no. End of discussion.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 09:19 AM
3

I fully expect her to ignore this request as she has done every time I have asked her So then why are you wasting time seeking mediation? You'll go to mediation. Her demands will be absurd; any proposal you make will be rejected. Congratulations, you just wasted $10k on this bullshit. File for divorce. Get a trial date. Stop fucking around.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 04:12 AM
2

They are following the playbook of female sex tourists.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 01:50 PM
10

Your "wife" is using a stupid text as a pretext. She wants out; the text is a convenient foil. Also: your marriage is over. When a female specifically tells you she wants to end it, brother, it's been over for a year, and likely longer than that. You're not "fighting" for shit. Your marriage is done. Immediately file for divorce and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 11:28 AM
6

Stop paying for the house. Force a judicial sale, split the proceeds. Get tough, get smart. End this marriage and enforce very minimal contact with your ex.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 01:27 PM
3

Any tips fellas? Yep. Consider this: a considerable percentage of humans, especially in western democracies, are shockingly fat, truly lazy, zero skills -- and I mean ZERO skills, can't operate a drill, fix a plumbing leak, change a tire, or even drive a car -- and most are disgusting due to lack of hygiene. Worse, a significant percentage are frighteningly stupid. In truth, it's never been easier to level up beyond global human laziness and rank stupidity. You may find this at least slightly mo…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 06:12 AM
3

Enormous uphill battle. Better have rock-solid legal foundation for changing the order. The fact it’s been allowed to fester for ten years is a terrible fact. And if he actually agreed to that stupid order, well, few courts anywhere in the United States are going to disturb it. As for your last sentence, if the parties agreed, of course the court signed off. It’s an agreed-to resolution.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 08:24 AM
1

Are your kids writing the check? No? Then do it. Tell them after it's done.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 10:48 AM
0

I've seen females getting bothered by douchebags on public transit at night. I can understand this, and frankly it's a sensible service.
/r/MensRights02/06/26 11:07 AM
2

She had a son when I met her, whom I adopted, and we had 2 more kids since. On the hook, legally, for all three.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/26 12:51 PM
18

Word salad therapy-speak bullshit.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 08:20 PM
1

Good.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 08:13 PM
17

I didn’t want them, but I gave in. This response is for readers, not the poster. This is an enormous, life-changing mistake. If you don't want kids, stick to your damn guns. Say no. If your spouse, male or female, demands children: leave. Leave and immediately file for divorce. Else you could be looking at decades of total shit that you never wanted in the first place. As soon as that divorce petition hits the docket, the courts, judges, divorce attorneys, and the carceral state will control eve…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 02:45 PM
9

Set a trial date. Reject all of these bullshit offers and demands. Twenty years alimony, eight year marriage? Ridiculous.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 02:02 AM
1

Link.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 06:26 AM
2

One week for ruling, not at all unusual. Court could issue ruling same day. Could even issue a verbal order while you are at the hearing, like right there during hearing. Happens tens of thousands of times per day throughout country. April 1 date could relay back to filing date. Not late, but you will owe.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 02:10 AM
2

Report back. Will be instructive to others.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 01:49 PM
5

So you just up and left? You're already gone, yes?
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 10:57 AM
16

saying I was emotionally unavailable This is word salad therapy-speak bullshit. The instant you hear this vapid nonsense phrase, start looking. Start looking for the extramarital sex partner, because therapy-speak is what they say to lie about what’s really going on.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 07:18 PM
6

This is the truth. Go to any airport, amusement park, any public space. A significant percentage of females can barely walk a mile. Go to stores or supermarkets, they cannot lift anything. And out of these, big percentages are truly enormous specimens, will rolls of adipose tissue tipping the scales. Morbidly obese. Because of the size and weight, many are sedentary slugs that eat doughnuts, scroll TikTok, and that’s their movement for the entire day. Unfortunately, there are growing numbers of …
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 07:14 PM
7

Get that $50k in 401k money. Because she can always go back and ask for more CS.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 06:35 PM
22

Go to trial. Cancel all mediation. Never accept that deal. Beyond terrible.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 02:27 AM
11

See if your jurisdiction has an "abuse of emergency services" provision. Here is an example from Washington State. If you have a lawyer, consider asking your counsel to draft a type of "cease and desist" letter stating three things. First, stop doing this. Second, this is an extreme waste of government and taxpayer resources, diverting authorities from true emergencies. Third, "the next time this happens, we will be sending a copy of this letter to the [local/town/county/city police], as well as…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 11:22 PM
3

I'll say this. If you can find the right partner, gay couples stay together much, much longer than the female-female pairings. Lesbos file for divorce at shockingly high rates. And two guys can make bank and live very comfortably, not wasting money on bullshit. Hopefully this is your ghost of Christmas future.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/26 09:04 AM
5

The truth: You are going to trial. Reject mediation, and do not agree to ANY such bullshit "offers." Also, your factual recitation in another comment leads a reasonable reader to conclude, you have a strong case.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/26 09:00 AM
11

I feel as if this is my last chance Dude. Marriage is OVER.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 01:30 AM
2

Sounds like a billing bonanza. Yet nothing accomplished. And a child specialist? What for? Who’s paying? Buddy, you need to take control of this process. Asset split, custody. Get that shit done and out of the way.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 12:39 AM
0

Estimate.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 05:59 PM
1

Likely an ad for the cash-out buyer. But, this advice is not wrong. Sell, split proceeds, get it done and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 05:58 AM
2

ROFR and introducing significant others before 6 months and an introduction to me as we have outlined and agreed to. This sounds like a total and complete waste of time. Having to “introduce” an ex’s new partner sounds like a stupid and terrible divorce “provision.” This is your ex. Her partners = none of your business.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 04:32 PM
2

Stop posting here. Retain counsel. Immediately file for divorce. Just do it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 08:55 AM
4

The house should be split 50:50, which is what she is saying she wants more. The answer is NO.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 02:42 AM
1

Search the posts here or elsewhere.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 01:36 AM
3

I seriously doubt any women around my age would want to date somebody with two kids anyways. This statement is true. See professionals. Forget dating, forget marriage. Waste of time.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 11:25 AM
1

Split all debt 50/50; never back down from this position. Sell home. You take any home equity, retire debt. Do not tap retirement accounts.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 09:35 PM
10

I am giving a timeline of 2 years to plan my exit. This will add two years to the alimony clock. Don't do it. Proceed immediately with divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 07:50 PM
4

Stop getting married. Don't do this again.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 06:12 PM
6

Speed the divorce. Get that divorce decree and get under separate roofs.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 06:04 PM
7

Keep posting updates. Very educational for others to learn and understand.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 08:12 PM
2

Just tell your kids, I understand, and it’s fine. Make it easy.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 04:42 PM
5

You did it correctly. Property can be an enormous problem. After divorce, no financial entanglements. You jettisoned a big one. Your ex will have zero valid arguments. To sell, she needs to sign. And possibly have it notarized. Not a bigger disaster.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 04:39 PM
1

Men are merely following the female playbook.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 04:35 PM
3

Solution: Push forward with divorce. Get the very best deal you can. And get it done fast. As fast as you can. Get that final order of dissolution. Then, rent an apartment within very close walking distance of new job. Right across the street or around the block, if possible. The amount of time you save will be incredible. Being able to head back to your place for lunch, also fantastic.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 11:48 AM
3

You already know. Marriage is done. Female asks for "trial separation" = I'm finished with you, with this marriage, with this relationship. Truth.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 11:44 AM
3

Why haven't you gone no-contact? Simply cut this cancer out of your life. Permanently. Full block.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 11:43 AM
2

Went in for an ex parte petition for custody. Well, this is an issue, right off the bat. Ex parte, Latin, literally means "from one party." Hence you went in, with either zero notice or minimal notice to the other side, and dumped a ton of stuff on the Court. Ex parte filings are ordinarily reserved for true emergencies, seeking an order to prevent irreversible harm. Custody rarely is one of those emergencies. And if this was truly ex parte, it is not at all surprising the other side, i.e. your …
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 11:43 PM
14

Only way to win this game: don’t play.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 04:22 PM
10

File for divorce. Do it immediately. At only four years, alimony will be zero or very small. Keep staying in the marriage, and that liability will grow enormously.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 01:01 AM
5

Get out, quickly. Annulment. Move on, fast.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 01:00 AM
8

I would let it go. But, total bullshit to bill for a two-second email.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 02:50 AM
2

Well, I don't know if that's good enough. I am dead serious, you better see if mere deposits to a "joint account" will suffice for "child support payments." There are tens of thousands of hearings and challenges on this very point. State will come in and say these deposits don't count, weren't earmarked, weren't delineated, and who the hell knows what else. This happens. It happens quite a bit. I'm not saying it's definitely going to happen in your particular case. I am saying it's a possibility…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 08:52 PM
3

You better document this very carefully. And save every check, receipt, payment. If things go south and she files suit, the State is likely to argue you never paid anything, and seek back child support. You also should do research to see if, even if agreed to and properly documented, whether these out-of-court, out-of-system payments will count as child support if the courts get involved.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 07:06 PM
7

Marriage is over. Prepare for divorce. Now you need to be very strategic, in words and behavior. Any more outbursts where you are arrested or otherwise receive a TRO, you are in big trouble.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 06:01 PM
1

There are many countries where this wouldn't matter, at all. It's legal. Don't let puritanical and hypocritical U.S. views affect you. Also, dead bedroom, you have an absolute right to seek out alternatives. To hell with your ex and her opinions. And, California = no fault state. Pretty good chance all of this never comes in, California has some pretty strict statutes about excluding affairs and cheating from divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 10:40 AM
3

You are going to trial. Fight all the way.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 01:57 PM
7

This is for life Brother, you seriously need to think about leaving ... and never coming back. And leaving to jurisdictions that are considered a non-extradition country, non-cooperative jurisdiction, or a safe haven. This is not an exaggeration. If you don't, you are living the life of a slave. Truly. Find a country, and work to become a citizen of that country, and get on their version of social security or retirement pension.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 07:34 AM
4

But my lawyer is telling me that child support is calculated only on the base salary Time to consult a new lawyer. See if this second lawyer says what your current lawyer says. least one New Jersey document says bonuses are to be included, as is a composite 36-month income valuation. Bonuses are definitely included in the income amount, from which support calculations are derived. At
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 06:10 PM
9

Yeah, I don't believe a fucking word of these allegations. In early May 2024, Doe alleges Hajdini dropped her pen on the floor next to his desk and, while bending to pick it up, rubbed his leg and squeezed his calf. He claims she then remarked: ‘Oh, you did play basketball in college? … I love basketball players… they get me so wet.’ The fuck. The female romance paperbacks sound more convincing. Later that May, Doe said in the complaint that Hajdini invited him out for drinks, but he declined. I…
/r/MensRights30/04/26 01:52 PM
5

I'm patient, I maybe stick another few years if needed while saving up Do not do this. Every year you wait, is another year added to the spousal support payment you'll need to make. And in some jurisdictions, if you hit year ten, you could be liable for lifetime alimony. Now, lifetime spousal support is much less common today versus thirty years ago. Even so, you better do a deep dive into your specific jurisdiction's laws, calculators, statutes, and caselaw concerning most likely outcomes if yo…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 01:37 PM
2

I thought this time I would wait for papers to be filed. Why are you waiting? Why don't YOU file? You don't need her permission. You don't even need to ask. Retain counsel, and file for divorce. Stop the clock running on your marriage. And take some initiative. Seriously, do something dicking around with "group chats." Who gives a fuck? Get real, get serious, get the legal process started by filing and serving your spouse.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 08:41 AM
11

I’m struggling because I want to send her a message with some BS song that’s pulling on my heart strings right now. Such a simp move. Don't.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 01:49 AM
2

Don’t worry about marital infidelity. Remember, Western democracies: no-fault jurisdictions. You could be screwing anything that moves. Won’t matter.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 01:47 PM
5

my wife just over an hour ago decided to tell me she is done in our marriage It's over. When the female spouse delivers this message, it's been over for a long time. Prepare for separation, and for being legally separate adults within a year or two. The "relationship" is over. Now you will navigate the business of divorce. And you will very quickly find out, that is what divorce is: business. Assets, debts, child support, spousal support, negotiation, contracts, orders. Be prepared to fight for …
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 09:29 AM
-4

Therapy-speak.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 03:25 AM
3

Is this required by a divorce decree or court order? If not, stop telling your ex anything.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 01:18 AM
1

Prepare for trial. Get a good lawyer, and get ready for trial. And don't give an inch more than you have to.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 09:55 AM
1

Only if there is an adoption, or a legal determination that the non-biological parent has executed some sort of acknowledgement of responsibility. At that point, the person is something more than a mere stepparent, and is now legally recognized as the adoptive parent or has otherwise agreed, legally, to be responsible. An adoptive parent is not merely a "stepparent." At least in the U.S., states have laws that say once marriage dissolution is granted, stepparent responsibility ends. Period, end …
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 10:16 AM
7

File for divorce immediately. The longer you wait, the more you will owe. At two years, support payments are extremely unlikely. So, stop fucking around. Get the divorce petition on file. That date is important, as it stops the clock.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 02:16 AM
4

You will soon find out the benefit: zero child support. Zero obligation during separation, and after divorce. I understand this may not be what you want. But consider the stepparent who needs a clean break from a toxic ex-spouse. Being a stepparent is a true blessing. Child support will never be ordered; the stepparent can simply walk away, immediately. This is because only the biological parents can be compelled to provide support, which is exactly how it should be.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 02:13 AM
6

Shes told me this life just isn't what she wants. And she'll never be the wife or.mother we deserve. I have a different perspective. If she said this, directly and truthfully, at least she told you the truth. She doesn't want her family, motherhood, or a life with you and the kids. That's honest. That's direct. You can work with that, because you know where everyone stands. Here's how I would handle it. Try and be civil. Respectful. Acknowledge what she said, accept it. And if you are civil, res…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 01:04 AM
4

My proposal was gradual and structured: Your proposal was beyond stupid. Pull it, reject it, and never say this again. 50/50 and you do not budge. Here's why. Let's say you stupidly agree to this "gradual" bullshit. Well, once that's in place, her side will use it. Her lawyer will use it. They will go to court and seek an order enforcing this "gradual" schedule. Her lawyer will say the children are "used to the agreed-to schedule." Will say the parties "agreed to unequal parenting time." And wil…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 05:10 PM
1

Fool. The Eurozone is one of the biggest markets on the planet. The Euro is used by 21 nation states. What the fuck is wrong with you?
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 12:52 AM
2

Honestly, search the forum. This has been answered scores of times.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 12:51 AM
6

Then I get lectured about how I should stay neutral or encourage him to talk to her. Do this. To the people who say this to you, let them have it, in unredacted form. In response, unload the Howitzers Of Truth: "Why should I encourage him? From the time our son was little, his mother invited strange men into our house, and fucked them. She fucked these strange men while our child hid in his room. His mother did this for years. Years. And our son knows. He knew for years what was going on in his …
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 11:22 AM
10

My lawyer tells me I can't do this because I will seem like a cruel and unloving father and the courts will not support my right to spend time with my daughter. She is 16 - it's a possibility. Fuck this terrible advice. The daughter is 16. In two years, an adult. Then neither your ex, nor the courts, will be able to define, control, or otherwise order the relationship between you and your daughter. Fight.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 11:53 PM
5

Many have. Male and female. The divorce court system is a total fucking disaster. It’s having an outsize impact on societal organization and on family formation.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 09:15 PM
2

Unfortunately, opposing counsel earns triple the fees by being unreasonable. Unreasonable = much longer battle = stratospheric attorney‘s fees. The entire incentive structure is a disaster. Only way to stop it is to put a hard cap on attorney’s fees in any particular divorce case. The shorter the case, the more the lawyers earn. With a cap, you’d see divorces resolved in weeks, not years.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 09:12 PM
1

Go to trial. Do not accept a shitty deal.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 09:05 PM
4

Provide updates. The guidance will help others, especially with a twenty-year dissolution.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 11:28 AM
1

What is the connection.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 01:48 PM
5

This shit, right here, is why we tell men: never get married. And never, ever have children. Especially not in a western democracy.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 01:25 PM
3

we were only married for 2+ years Great set of circumstances for you. Very short marriage, no kids, no joint property ownership. You won't owe jack shit to your ex. Get moving, quickly, to end the marriage and get your final divorce order. You can have this wrapped up in months, and frankly, weeks if your ex is reasonable.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 11:24 PM
4

Excellent playbook. Follow it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 11:22 PM
2

Throughout our relationship we have had just brutal fights Total mistake to breed with this person. Truth.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 08:55 PM
11

and I have been married for 3 years This is a very good fact for you. You better file for divorce, and fast. The shorter the marriage, the less you will owe. Let me repeat it: the shorter the marriage, the less you will have to pay your ex. Period. Get on file. Get a good lawyer, get on file. It is highly, highly unlikely she has any interest in the house, or anything else pre-marriage. Only commingled property acquired during your three-year marriage will be subject to an asset split. Alimony i…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 08:52 PM
2

To hell with the wife’s request. The family is over. The marriage is over. Entirely appropriate to act accordingly.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 01:26 PM
1

At least you rent. That is in your favor. Minimal obligation, especially compared with owning a home.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 12:42 PM
2

Is she a good partner otherwise? Put you first? Take care of things?
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/26 02:39 PM
6

Dude, why the F are your daughters writing “I hate you” letters to your wife? That is some wild boundary-pushing. And maybe you should have said so.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 05:20 PM
1

What jurisdiction are you in? Notarization usually isn't required. When you sign, it usually is under penalty of perjury, which is enough for just about anything, at least in the states of the United States. (Exceptions will be a settlement agreement, usually has to be notarized, sometimes wills and trusts too.) Also, I'd file for both custody and divorce at the same time. It will greatly smooth the process. Both items will be assigned to a single judge, hopefully, if your jurisdiction works tha…
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 02:58 AM
3

big mistake I didn’t understand the injunction was no text C'mon man. You're a corrections officer. You know the importance of following court orders. And if you don't know, you absolutely should know. These injunctions are not hard to understand; they lay it out in either bullet points or numbered paragraphs.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 05:34 PM
9

You're going to trial. Accept it. You can do no worse than if you were to give in to that laughable, shit demand.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 02:34 PM
3

Forget mediation. File a formal request with the court for modification. Have a hearing, get an order.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 06:17 AM
10

Your life sounds like hell. She doesn't want to be with you. File for divorce. And stop with, "I wish she'd ask for the divorce." That's bullshit. You can file, unilaterally, and you need neither permission nor notice. Get a lawyer, and file for divorce. She'll be served, and thus get notice, after it is on file.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 08:32 AM
5

because it was easier than fighting for our relationship. I'll never understand this. And reject it. Marriage should be easy. Relationships should be easy. I totally and completely reject this bullshit that marriage is "hard work." Or a relationship is "work." Fuck. That. "Fighting" for "our relationship." Any such marriage or relationship is absolutely, irrevocably dead. If it feels like "work" to be home, or to be with your romantic partner, it's already over.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 10:33 PM
3

How many times do I have to ask for a divorce before get taken seriously The answer is zero. Zero. You don't "ask" a spouse. You file a divorce petition, in court. You don't need anyone's permission to file for divorce. And no-fault divorce guarantees it will be granted -- the ex-spouse does not need to consent. So do something, other than whining on here about being "taken seriously." Perhaps do something serious, like filing for the divorce you claim to want.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 10:27 PM
10

She put it as she’d submit the motion for relocation, or whatever the technical term is if mediation didn’t work. You already know it won't "work." She is going to lose. Start preparing for litigation. This is going to court, and you are going to fight. Accept it, now. Don't give in, ever. Prepare for battle, immediately.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 11:58 AM
19

You are way, way too involved. And far too judgmental. No one outside of a marriage really knows what goes on in a marriage. You may think you do. You do not. Stay the fuck out of it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 07:49 AM
7

Would it bother you if a guy at 48 is renting? Who cares whether this person, or any person, is "bothered" by you renting. Any such opinion is irrelevant. Renting is a perfectly viable living arrangement. And in many locations, actually is favored due to proximity to amenities. Stop worrying about what these worthless thots think.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 02:02 AM
8

Told my ex ^ Found the problem.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 01:54 AM
12

Hey so I’ve tried many time to rebuild my relationship with my ex wife ^ Found the problem.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 01:03 PM
6

does she have a case to take me to court immediately after what we agreed on goes into effect? Research your jurisdiction's laws. Generally a settlement agreement is binding as to all terms. You'll need to look, and hope, your jurisdiction has a requirement to show a "substantial change in circumstances" to have child support modified. There could be a multi-year waiting period as well. One great thing in your favor is this: "Just signed by the judge ...." That means it went from a "settlement" …
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 11:55 PM
9

Be super careful on how and where proceeds are deposited. Fuck that up, you've "commingled." Disaster will follow.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 11:47 PM
11

Do? The son is 27. Been an adult for nine years. Stop giving a flying F what the ex does. That is what you “do.” If you cannot follow this advice, it’s your own fault and, frankly, at that point, no one cares. Be furious. Complain. Won’t change a damn thing.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 07:07 PM
1

One of the cases where counsel is correct. Forget visitation, he’s just a few years from adulthood. You will lose on everything else too. Move on.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 07:00 PM
2

Sell it. Dump it. Split any proceeds and move the fuck on from this stupid house. Do not -- not -- take out an "equity loan" to "buy her out." This would be the dumbest move you could make.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 01:58 AM
4

Copying my message to a similar inquiry a few months ago: I think there is a valid strategy here. Assume the ex-spouse, male or female, is demanding an outsize amount of parenting time. In response, if you think the fight isn't worth it, and you are in fact comfortable with the split, give it to them. It clears a very wide path to wrapping up the divorce, while depriving the lawyers and the courts of tens of thousands of dollars in spurious litigation fees. I also refer you to this post from a f…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 09:39 PM
12

so why aren't we on the same page? Because we have the power of logic. And logic, whether female or male, should be allowed and permitted here. Nor do we want any rules based on identity politics.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 06:34 AM
2

Therapist says to put fiancé and her kids first but I can’t Fire this shitbag "therapist." They all suck.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 12:58 PM
11

Note to anyone reading this: Never agree to this. Never do this. This clause was beyond stupid. Stupid to agree to it, too. Post-divorce, NO FINANCIAL ENTANGLEMENTS. We say it again, and again, and again, and again, and again. No joint property. No joint debt. No joint credit cards. No joint business ownership. No joint loans. No future obligations other than what the court and/or jurisdiction can require (meaning child support and spousal support). NO FINANCIAL ENTANGLEMENTS. Have everything so…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 12:56 PM
3

I am wondering if now is the best time to get out. Unquestionably yes. File for divorce. Quickly.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/26 12:12 AM
2

Perfect. NO financial entanglements post-divorce. Own a house together? Sell that f-ing thing and sever all ties.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 10:32 PM
1

Three year marriage? That's short. Depends on jurisdiction. But in a western democracy, you likely wouldn't have to pay jack shit.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 10:27 PM
1

You better be real careful before you agree to anything like this. Just because an ex-spouse "wants," does not mean an ex-spouse "gets." Many times, you'll do better at trial if the demands are unreasonable.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 10:23 PM
6

I can't help but feeling like I am fucked financially and I don't know what to do. Here's what not to do: take a shit settlement. If you can fight spousal support, and can fight for a lower child support amount, then fight. Be wary of any mediator recommendation. The mediator's job is to get the case settled; it is not to get you a fair deal. So know what the law is. Know what the calculators are. Know what your obligations should be under your jurisdiction's laws. Don't be a simp and don't fold…
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 10:23 AM
2

Her parents gifted him to us as a couple prior to marrying She will have a pretty decent claim to the dog. Any suggestions for lawyers in Texas with decent rates and expertise for a swift pet ownership win in divorce court? Bro. Get your head straight. There is nothing swift in divorce court. If you have a clear shot to an amicable divorce resolution, take it immediately. Just filing a case over the dog will cost thousands, from the filing fee to the attorney's fees. If you get into a discovery …
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 10:19 AM
3

I concur with the analysis. Far too many men fail to mount a proper legal fight against outrageous terms and conditions, including alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 03:27 AM
1

I did find videos going back years before marriage and before our child that complain about being trapped and overwhelmed. Going to be terse in the response. The flags were there.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 11:26 AM
2

And for the record. My lawyer is a top family lawyer in Charlotte. She had things being included in this legal agreement I didnt even knew existed.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 01:21 PM
4

This life sounds like pure shit. Ain’t no way I’m wasting my time with this manner of therapy-speak word-salad vomit. Just split already.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 06:10 PM
6

Yeah bullshit. All these SAHMs grossly overstate all the “work“ they do. Which mostly is phone surfing, Real Housewives show, and posting selfies.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 06:07 PM
12

Marriage + children + divorce + terrible divorce court system = disaster. There is no avoiding this conclusion.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 08:25 PM
1

Inform HR immediately. This is the DUMBEST advice ever. Reject it. Assume you do go to HR, they investigate, and she is terminated. You idiot, now she has an excellent claim for maximum spousal support, for an extended period of time, to "maintain the status quo" until such time as she finds comparable employment. You'll be on the hook for spousal support, her health insurance, possibly dental insurance, and maybe even her lawyer fees if she has to fight you for support. Do. Not. Do. This. Proce…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 04:40 PM
3

Do. Not. Commingle.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 04:36 PM
0

Fight it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 10:10 AM
5

Married several years. I'd file quickly. The shorter the marriage, the less you will be hit with spousal support. So get moving on legally ending this poisoned union. Just get it over with. no infidelity on my part In most western democracies, this is totally irrelevant. You cheated, she cheated -- most courts won't care. Welcome to no-fault, where anything (or even nothing) is sufficient for dissolving the marriage, and no party will be deemed "at fault" for destroying the marriage, including i…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 11:12 AM
6

I know i dont want another baby, it would financially cripple us with the mortgage. I also dont want to start again with a newborn when my youngest is almost 11. This is entirely rational. Unless you have two firm "yes" answers to having another child, the answer is always "no." Having a third child would have been a total disaster. You did the absolute right thing. She requested divorce. You then moved fast to get the asset division over with. This is the perfect response. Keep pressing to get …
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 11:06 AM
9

her lawyer sent a Discovery ask for full financial disclosure and also breakdown of my household expenses and who pays for what Your first battle is fighting this discovery request to the ends of the earth. Do NOT answer by providing the requested information. You answer by "objecting" in your response. And then you need to make all the arguments concerning irrelevancy. Irrelevant, because only the biological parents are required to pay child support. A non-biological parent's income is irreleva…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 02:41 AM
5

Sell the house. Split the proceeds.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/26 01:39 AM
10

Her idea seemed more like a status and financial deal. Read the "marriage" statutes of any jurisdiction, especially a western democracy anywhere in the world. Marriage? Barely a sentence. One-page marriage certificate, filed with the state or jurisdiction. Divorce? Scores of pages containing statutes, rules, and regulations. Especially spousal support, asset splitting, commingling, likely a page or two on "no-fault" divorce. Then pages more in the "family law" section governing child support. Th…
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/26 07:14 PM
1

Because of my upbringing, I never wanted to get married or have kids. I didn't want to ruin another kid if it were to fall apart. This is my outlook. Never get married. And never, ever have children. Western democracies will not reward you. They will screw you. And during divorce, try to enslave you with alimony and child support. I wish you had so no to all of it, holding to your initial analysis.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 06:50 PM
2

Bigger rift? Dude, your marriage is over. Very soon you will be legally independent adults. And what do you mean “leave” the house? You demand it be sold, via forced judicial sale if necessary. Then split the proceeds according to the divorce laws in your jurisdiction. Better start looking out for yourself. Time to get militant, and get serious. You are on your own. So is she. Legally. Separate. Adults. That is your guaranteed future. Start acting like it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/26 05:32 PM
2

I'm playing dumb and have agreed to this. My plan is to divorce her before we move so we can have proceedings here but get close enough to sell the house so the judge can't simply give it to her, thereby disrupting her plans for her lawyer. This is stupid. You’ve now given the other side an opening to transfer jurisdiction and venue, especially if the ex-wife moves on her own to her preferred jurisdiction. I’m not saying it will work. I am saying you’ve given her future lawyer a great starting p…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/26 05:25 PM
2

Take multiple audio recordings of the screaming and abuse. Even better if on video. You may need it to buttress your claims during divorce. Better to have it if needed.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 04:56 PM
2

Force a sale of the marital home. And, next apartment, get top floor.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 04:54 PM
7

Proceed with divorce. Do not waiver.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 12:27 AM
2

What was the ex reaction to losing what I assume were alimony, child support, and a one-sided asset split?
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 05:02 AM
3

Do you have a court order stating the alimony is terminated?
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 04:58 AM
7

Get smarter. Read all the posts here on how to conduct yourself. This isn’t it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 02:34 AM
9

Actually, that sounds like a fair deal. If you otherwise get along, you should consider it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 05:09 AM
1

Do NOT sell the IRA. You’ll never recapture those tax advantaged benefits. Sell. Jettison the place ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 01:51 AM
1

Apartment living can be excellent. If the walls are solid, the plumbing is good, and fast broadband — you have a lot of freedom now. Few “house“ chores. No house or yard maintenance. No home insurance dues, no property taxes, nothing to wash, broom, or shovel. You may never go back to owning, if this experience turns out well.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 01:47 AM
1

In nearly every jurisdiction and country, what you describe is a complete definition of litigation. Be it divorce, personal injury, business litigation, anything. It's a cold, detached process. Everything is important. And nothing is done until everything is done. As a party litigant, you're living it every day; but only you and the other party. To the courts, it's just another case. They have tens of thousands of cases. In fairness, the courts must be neutral, detached, and call it as they see …
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/26 08:03 AM
5

This analysis is the answer.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/26 12:18 AM
2

I think it’s inappropriate how much my daughter knows about the dates my wife is going on. You may be correct. But far more important: you cannot do a damn thing about it. Nothing. Zero. You will never ever control how an ex-spouse interacts with the children. You have no say, none, in the interactions or in the information flow. So stop f-ing commenting on it. You can’t do jack shit about it. Focus on what you can control, and start learning to never give an F what your ex-spouse does. This mes…
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 09:43 PM
7

I’m curious what you all think she actually meant by this, Nothing. Zero.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 05:42 AM
7

Holy fuck, do not sign that fraudulent shit.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 11:26 PM
11

You're going to trial. Hard no on that alimony request.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/26 03:59 AM
2

The hard truth: nearly all relationships with females today are transactional. Quite a few of us see the truth, accept the truth, and proceed accordingly. Perhaps you too are penetrating the fog. Cynicism may be your greatest gift. Research the posts on hiring professionals, and how for some people, it’s the most honest and truthful relationship they’ve ever had. Or, ”if it flies, floats, or Fs, rent it.”
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 10:17 PM
2

She’s laughably wrong. Fight. You will win.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 10:11 PM
1

Hopefully, it will remain confidential. If unsure, call the mediator tomorrow. Tell her or him you filled it out accurately, but you want the mediation to proceed a bit more businesslike. And you would like the actual questionnaires kept confidential. This is entirely appropriate.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 04:38 AM
3

Do not fold. Fight.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 03:37 AM
0

The outcome likely is, children awarded to father. No one disputes this. We're talking about the process to get there. Speaking directly to the mother, in open court, doesn't change this. But not speaking to the mother raises very troubling due process concerns -- and a bad record with a strong likelihood of an appeal with merit. Taking away the kids, but you never even spoke to the affected parent? Never allowed them to personally speak about the termination? What about this do you fail to unde…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 05:56 PM
-1

Judge adjourned the motion until mom was released from prison because she wasn't comfortable terminating one parent's right without speaking to them directly. That sounds fair and correct. Due process is a right. The judge wants to hear from the parent, in person and directly. The judge has no idea how well informed the lawyer is. Parental termination could be a lifelong decision impacting the family. Waiting a mere six months before making such an important decision is unquestionably the right …
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 05:38 PM
2

It is a Herculean effort. If it wasn’t. You’d not have to pay a nanny, a cook, a cleaner etc to fill the position. 99.99% of the planet cooks, cleans, and watches their own kids. Females and males do this every single day, all over the globe. None of it is remarkable; most of it is standard and mundane. More to the point, you can "pay" people to do lots of things: wash your car, maintain your yard, shovel your snowed-in driveway, cut your hair, string Christmas lights, deliver food and takeout. …
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 05:31 PM
10

The men’s side seems to say; out of nowhere. I think you need to do a lot more reading. Read these forums. Read other forums. There is an incredible amount of cheating, affairs, and backstabbing treachery by females. Worse, no-fault divorce ensures there are zero repercussions for adultery; most jurisdictions won’t even consider evidence of rampant dishonesty. One party is essentially rewarded for violating the partnership. Finally, the list of “default parent” items you list is absurd. Feeding …
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 10:41 AM
2

Are you in a no-fault jurisdiction? Total waste of time. But even if not, if there was a separation, still a total waste of time. She moved out. Marriage is over. Just get the divorce done. You are on fentanyl if you think pursuing electronic evidence discovery will cost only $2k. If the other side opposes, it’s going to be $5k easily, and likely more than that. And those two depositions you want? Easily $10k to $20k after you pay for attorney time, court reporter, deposition transcripts, possib…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 12:33 PM
2

Something to consider. Link.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/26 09:27 AM
10

How do I tell people? What do I tell people? Don't give a fuck about this.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/26 12:16 AM
4

You can't control your her behavior.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 12:00 AM
4

3 attempts at couples therapy have resulted In a massive waste of time and resources. If you let this marriage hit the ten-year mark, brother, you better look to see if your jurisdiction supports lifetime spousal support. Ten years usually is the magic number. If yes -- if ten years makes you a target for lifelong support -- this was terribly played. You should have filed for divorce five years ago, significantly reducing the financial damage. If it was me, I would have said "fuck this" to all t…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/26 06:49 PM
2

Serve the petition. Proceed with divorce via trial. Try to settle, but push for trial date and trial.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/26 08:10 AM
8

Proceed directly with divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/26 04:20 AM
7

Fight.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 12:06 AM
4

Horrible plan. It will fail.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 11:37 PM
7

You better pull the plug, and quickly. Every year you delay, the more expensive it gets.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 02:08 PM
13

When you hear or read therapy-speak, reject it and ignore it. It's word-salad bullshit by dopes who parrot "psychology" and therapy terms they first heard while scrolling TikTok.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 08:03 AM
1

Listen close. Five year marriage. No kids. You rent a house. This will be a fantastic clean break. This is a wonderful opportunity for your freedom. Seize it. since September when she asked for a divorce. This tells you everything you need to know. She's been thinking about it for a year, and maybe longer. You know exactly where you stand with this person. Going back would be an amazingly stupid decision.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 07:08 PM
1

Flee the country. Not kidding.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 09:10 AM
3

Divorce immediately. The longer you wait, the more you will owe.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 10:37 PM
2

A more important question: why do you care? You should be focusing on yourself, and going as minimum contact and minimum interest as possible with an ex-spouse. Another truth: absolutely no one cares who your ex is with. Not us, not your friends and family, and not even her “friends” give a shit, other than to hurl snark insults behind her back in group chats. Truth.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 05:27 PM
3

Push for a trial date.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 08:38 AM
1

He knows he made a mistake being as kind as he was. He’s also paid for much of her upkeep until recently, most likely another motive. Another enormous mistake. Now she will use this in court, arguing the court should maintain the "status quo," and/or keep this ex spouse in the lifestyle to which she has been accustomed. Your boy, unfortunately, sounds as though he is really f-ing this thing up. And what is up with a 2.5 year "separation"? Why hasn't he been pushing for NZ's version of a trial, d…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 04:36 AM
1

They own a house together Post-divorce, no financial entanglements. NONE. No joint houses. No joint property. No joint debt. No joint credit cards. No jointly held businesses, accounts, retirement plans, nothing. You want a 100% clean financial break the day the final divorce decree is entered. This is the only way. although he has been making the payments alone for the last 2 1/2 years Then he needs to get real, and get serious. It was really stupid to do this, knowing she would demand "her hal…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 04:26 AM
1

With Gemini AI, as well as Grok, you can have private or ghost chats. Not recorded.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 04:12 AM
4

She didn’t do that well at trial Hearing. Not trial. She tells me she would allow me to have visitation rights to see my children. "Allow." You have rights that are not within her purview to deny. This offer means absolutely nothing. and that I owe her spousal support for the 20 years we were together You better be prepared for the fight of your life. It is not at all clear to anyone here she is entitled to this. Your spousal support battle is going to be a big one. Do not fold.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 04:11 AM
4

I think there is a valid strategy here. Assume the ex-spouse, male or female, is demanding an outsize amount of parenting time. In response, if you think the fight isn't worth it, and you are in fact comfortable with the split, give it to them. It clears a very wide path to wrapping up the divorce, while depriving the lawyers and the courts of tens of thousands of dollars in spurious litigation fees. I also refer you to this post from a female-centered sub. But in that situation, it appears the …
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 03:46 AM
8

Send this response: "You fucking other men indeed has negative consequences for our "relationship," such as it is. Permanently dissociating from joint gatherings with you is one of them."
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 11:42 PM
2

It’s a terrible law. Puts men at a disadvantage, given favoritism to mothers re custody. This is why I generally favor no-fault divorce. If one party says it’s done — it’s done. No hoops, no hurdles, no administrative state bullshit, all of which delays the inevitable while adding greatly to the cost. If someone wants to leave the marriage, that is it. Cut, dried, done.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 02:22 PM
1

^ This.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/26 01:30 PM
1

Are you smoking fentanyl? Fight for the marriage? Dude, she filed for divorce behind your back. Get real and get serious. Your marriage is OVER. Your wife is now your EX-WIFE. Marriage is done. You are on your own. I don’t care if you disagree. Your bell is going to get rung after the first few court hearings if you don’t completely change this head-in-sand mindset.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/26 01:29 PM
20

I’ve tried for weeks to fight for this marriage Your marriage is over. File for divorce. Immediately. And stop wasting time and money on therapy.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 08:40 AM
6

Counseling will fail. Total waste of time and money. Haven’t you researched the sky-high failure rates of this boondoggle? As for spousal maintenance, you’re looking at paying for a time period of one-third to one-half of the marriage. If married longer than ten years, could be longer.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 12:03 AM
4

True. But there have been hundreds of posts saying this. Saying to treat divorce as a business transaction. Saying if you are male, no one really cares about your divorce; just deal with it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 04:46 PM
5

Threaten her with a lawsuit? Threaten to challenge her custody? Worthless. Either move to compel compliance, or pursue contempt in court. Or don't. But don't "threaten," it's an impotent response that means nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 11:25 AM
8

Reject the settlement. Fight. Do not accept a shitty deal. It will harm you for decades.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 11:22 AM
1

Did you file for divorce? This post is entirely unclear.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 11:20 AM
10

But the more you can talk to your ex and hammer out your own deal Bro, have you ever in your life been to a divorce hearing, in any capacity, even just sitting in the back, observing? Observing lawyers peddle bold-faced untruths to jack alimony and CS payments? Have you seen ex-spouses, both male and female, hurling lie after lie, claiming domestic violence, sexual abuse, drug use? An ex smashing windows, doors, cars in fits of rage? There are a significant percentage of divorce cases where eith…
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/26 05:00 PM
1

Father “figure”? Are you the biological father? If not, did you formally and legally adopt via court order? If the answer to both is no, your SSA claim is dead on arrival, period. You are not the parent, full stop. The good news, you won’t owe child support, which is huge. But, goose and gander: you are not entitled to support payments. Ex-wife fully within her rights to redirect those payments. All depends on your status. If “merely” a stepfather, post-divorce, your child rights are zero.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/26 04:50 PM
4

Much truth in this summation. Those who ignore it will find out — the hard way.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/26 03:32 AM
3

File for divorce. Immediately. You will have very serious regret if you continue this bullshit for another decade.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/26 01:40 AM
3

Maje sure you get 50% of the home’s equity.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 11:44 PM
2

Can one spouse force the sale of the marital home without the other’s consent in Connecticut? Yes. She doesn’t need your permission. But you don’t have to sell, so long as you can buy out her half-ownership. You’re about to find out why so many of say never, ever get married, and never have children.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 12:50 AM
1

Continue with it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 01:00 AM
0

Shut up.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 12:54 AM
6

Things to try. Throw yourself into tech. If you like gaming, build a gaming PC, grt a OLED monitor or TV, get a quality headset, start playing online with others. Even more productive, start learning how to chat with quality AIs. You can ask it infinite questions, usually get quality answers. Use it to build a more productive life. At minimum, query it when the dark thought's start. Simultaneously, find a physical activity that suits you. Something as simple as walking/hiking, preferably with he…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 12:46 AM
8

Your marriage is over. End it. Immediately.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 11:54 PM
3

Divorce is finalized. Do not go. Only problems will arise if you meet.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 11:52 PM
8

I don’t want to ruin their view of love Marriage is about money, property, assets and splitting it all after divorce. Go read any jurisdiction's laws concerning "marriage." It's all about divorce, not "marriage."
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 08:27 AM
1

For example, there's an IRA in her name that we'd earmarked as being for our kids' education (we also have a 529). She wants ro take it off the table since it's for the kids. I say it's in her name, and so it's a marital asset that needs to be split. You are 100% right. Fight to the end on this. "Earmarked" means nothing. Actual title and status of asset means everything, and in this case, it's community property.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/26 11:23 PM
1

I feel fucked due to my delays ^ This. Men, when you are ready to divorce, and the time is right, you need to file fast. File immediately and push for trial. Else you are inviting all sorts of problems.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/26 11:19 PM
11

Do men ever actually win nowadays? Yes. Those who reject the lifescript. No kids. No marriage. No “manning up” as defined by feminists. Focus on yourself and do as you please. You win by never playing the marriage/children/divorce/childsupport/alimony game.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/26 12:23 AM
5

Keep updating.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/26 12:16 AM
1

Precisely. You enjoy being a father. You may need to zealously protect it. The initial outlook: not good. Ex-wife left. Took kids. No notice. You’re going to have to ace your divorce to put a stop to it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 04:19 PM
1

Cold wallet. And hard-to- trace crypto. Not joking.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 04:15 PM
3

Pardon the overly bureaucratic tone of the question You need to get this straight: divorce is a business transaction. The divorce laws, statutes, and procedures confirm this: it's all about the money. Property and asset split, spousal maintenance, child support. That's the vast majority. You'll have one additional issue: the parenting plan. This can be either amicable, or world war three. Better treat this as the true side business your divorce will be. The outcome can affect you for years, poss…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 01:23 PM
9

I want a stable relationship and eventually a family. He got screwed once. He needs another family like he needs pancreatic cancer. And, divorce rates where one member has previously been divorced: very, very high, approximately 65%. Basically two out of three fail miserably. Hopefully he knows this and proceeds accordingly. So should you.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 01:06 PM
1

For how long?
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 01:00 PM
2

She can reside in a shelter.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 12:58 PM
1

A big component is pure demographics. Females approach 90% of all nurses. It’d be like a female saying, why are so many exes construction workers? Because men make up 90% of that workforce.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 10:18 AM
2

I hope you sent that exact message, in quotes.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 09:03 AM
4

You were sure. You’ve given it a lot of thought. Proceed with divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 02:22 PM
1

You label this the "best" thing that's ever happened to you? And, you are a "chief marketing officer"? Make it make sense.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/25 06:05 AM
5

I agree fully. There have been many posts in the past that concur. Some even saying that seeing a professional was their most open and honest relationship; whereas dating and marriage was lies and bullshit.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 09:45 PM
1

Gemini 3.0 Pro, the cheapest paid version, can get you a good first draft. Leverage it for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 04:43 PM
2

Link.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 04:41 PM
4

"I'm just not happy anymore and we've grown apart too much and want different things out of life" No question, go with this. You gain nothing going beyond it; in fact could make divorce more difficult. Keep it vague, keep it cordial, and do not waiver from your path.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 07:27 AM
2

Why don’t you plan a simple meal. Filet mignon steaks, vegetable, wine. Then a good desert. All the while you are watching football, or movies, or streaming, or video games. Go on Utube, learn how to properly cook steaks. A lot of married people and parents would really like a peaceful day like that.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 06:29 AM
7

You force a sale of the house. Or she buys you out, 50/50. Do not waiver on this.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 06:25 AM
5

For a very long time, I tell everyone: you don’t get me anything, I don’t get you anything. It works great. So much time, effort, and money wasted on junk people neither need nor want.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 06:24 AM
1

Good.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 01:03 AM
1

OK. I withdraw my criticism.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 12:59 AM
2

so they give him a warning.... However, the ex found out. Either he told the ex, you told the ex, or this post is bullshit. Last weekend my husband picks me up at a bachelorette party. He stays for a couple drinks and we leave. Not believing this. At all. Females don't want your husband at their "bachelor" party.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/25 05:07 PM
2

But wtf do I do with the house? It’s in both our names. Sell it. If she refuses to voluntarily sell, you can force a sale by seeking a judicial order. Just file for divorce. Immediately.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/25 12:10 PM
20

Divorce has huge financial impacts on men that are never discussed in mainstream society. I wish I was educated about how being "the provider" meant I'd be punished if it did not work out. There's already quite a bit. Look on Youtube, here, other outlets. Many warnings about the disparities and what a disaster divorce court can be for higher earners, male or female. There have been multiple movies and a few documentaries about it as well. What's more, multiple high-profile divorces and splits wh…
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/25 12:04 PM
9

All he does on here is lie and I’m sure most of the others do. No, you are not "sure." You don't know shit, other than your personal experience with a poor father.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/25 07:38 AM
3

Proceed to trial. Don’t give an inch.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 03:53 PM
14

Marriage in western democracies is what's absurd. Avoid.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 06:17 AM
1

Iowa.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 02:03 AM
6

NFL quarterback Brady couldn't stop his wife from hooking up with a trainer, and eventual divorce. Actor Pitt, divorced. CEO Bezos, divorced. If they cannot do "right," absolutely nobody can. And this is why so many of us say, NO to marriage, NO to children. Not in western democracies where ex-spouses (male or female) will try to steal everything.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 01:51 AM
3

See a sensual massage professional. Zero chance of disease. Not even kissing. It will help you. Reasonably priced.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 01:46 AM
4

Divorce. Immediately.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 05:30 AM
3

These are all good facts for you.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 05:01 AM
3

See a professional. Someone reasonable, maybe a little bit more mature. Do it. No one will judge you. No one will know. And it unquestionably will help you with this mindset.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 04:57 AM
4

This is why many of us say, never get married. Never have children. Unless and until the divorce laws are blown apart and rewritten, just don’t.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 02:35 PM
2

Personally, I wouldn't do it. I want NO FINANCIAL ENTANGLEMENTS post-divorce. No joint debts. No joint property, no property interests, no mortgage, nothing. I want everything spelled out and done done done. Sell the house immediately, split the proceeds, done. No f-ing round, no having to go back to court a year from now because she failed to list the property. Shit could drag on for years. Perhaps you have excellent reasons for choosing otherwise. Just sharing my perspective. Delaying asset sp…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 06:38 AM
8

Did anyone else’s wife/ex wife give them a list of shit to do and if/when completed the marriage would be “saved”? Doesn't matter. It was over the moment you were told she believes the relationship is in trouble, or needs saving. When a female takes this step and voices her discontent, it's been building for months, and likely a year or more. That's why 99% of the time, it's over and divorce is guaranteed. Therapy: total, complete waste of time and money.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 07:42 PM
7

You will beat the charge. After this, never ever speak to your lying ex-wife again. You can never, ever trust her.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 01:57 PM
17

Solution: never get married.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 01:48 PM
10

Do not have children you do not want. Do not have children you do not want. Do not have children you do not want. Do not have children you do not want.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 04:07 PM
3

You are going to need excellent counsel. You must prevent her from getting any ownership of the company. And if she somehow wins half ownership of the construction company, you must get creative. For example, give it all to her, start a new company.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 04:04 PM
3

Absolutely not. You have exclusive possession. If she tries to enter the home, call the police.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 07:20 AM
2

and how this appointment goes tomorrow financially. Fingers crossed all goes well! Be prepared for the worst. Be ready to say no, walk away, and fight.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 06:53 PM
1

Cut everything. Cable. Internet. Streaming. All memberships.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/25 06:26 AM
1

and what can I do? Ray-Ban Meta (Gen 2), keep them fully charged for when you interact with the ex. Or get a GoPro Hero 13 Black and a big video card. Record everything.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/25 06:23 AM
8

I found a great (so far) lawyer that isn’t going to serve her until 10 days before the temp hearing. She will be ambushed with this and unlikely to organize in time to fight back. Serve her what? A hearing on what? Sounds like total bullshit. Read the civil procedure rules of any jurisdiction. They have highly specific time periods, called a "briefing schedule," to ensure both sides have sufficient time to file a motion and memorandum in support, the other side has sufficient time to respond, an…
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 08:59 AM
1

After divorce is over, see professionals only. It’s an honest, cheaper, drama-free way of life.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 12:45 AM
2

Confirms why marriage today is such a disaster for men. Modern divorce with children = you are beyond screwed if you have to pay spousal support or child support. Only solution is to not play. No marriage (unless you find that one in ten million partner, male or female, you can trust forever). No kids, ever. Bleak reality, but it’s the truth.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 05:54 PM
12

What are you trying to accomplish here? Learn to read. This man's ex-wife appealed a judgement. How the hell do you interpret her actions appealing a judgment as the poster "trying to accomplish" anything at all? Reddit is filled with people devoid of logic and comprehension.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 05:26 AM
9

New account, a couple posts. What really is the tipoff is the females purportedly "keeping" affair evidence and "sending" it if the poster "goes back" to the wife. Yeah, no, females aren't outing themselves as the "other woman" to a wife. Especially not to "keep" you. These chicks drop affair flings cold, and fast, and they do not care what you do.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 06:05 AM
6

In your case, she wanted out. Tired of the marriage, and her life, after two decades. I'd say, it happens. No one's fault; people change. You have positives. No alimony. No child support. You have the house. Those three, alone, are tremendous. Frankly, sounds as though she did everyone a favor with a clean break. Most divorcing men would kill for those terms.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 04:18 PM
6

and it is not something I would do. Your divorce? You already paid for it. Future Tinder dates? You're paying for it via dinner, drinks, weekend trip or vacation.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 04:06 PM
7

To hell with all of it. See reasonably priced professionals when the need arises. Much cheaper. And as many have written here and elsewhere, these relationships are far more honest and transparent than bullshit modern “dating.”
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 09:22 AM
4

Crypto. And flee to a non-extradition country with hot chicks.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 05:49 AM
2

Sounds pretty good, actually.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 10:49 PM
4

Go to the bank. Tomorrow. First thing in the morning. 9:00 am. And bring multiple forms of proof of identity, and address. Or, even better, open a new account. Only you. Transfer everything over. And close the old account. And never, ever give her the account numbers.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 07:07 PM
7

Of course I simped out and got her a card and some roses despite all of the disrespect she consistently gives me during every encounter we have (must communicate as coparents). The fuck would you waste time, money, and your backbone on that bullshit? She probably threw them right into the trash. Both in gated communities and of course I pay for both. Yeah, that is what you need to focus on. The financials of your divorce. You need to win as much as you can. As much as possible, stop paying for h…
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 07:02 PM
5

My friend, there are tens of millions of men who would prefer your Thanksgiving, versus the extreme bullshit a lot of dudes have to put up with.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 07:09 AM
0

See professionals. Not much time left, don't waste it in the total cesspool that is modern dating and dating apps.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 04:57 AM
3

Listen to this.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 11:20 PM
7

Fight for every inch, and every last dollar.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 11:19 PM
1

This is it. Get the order/decree.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 07:39 PM
7

I think no contact is the way to go for the foreseeable future. I’m at a point where I don’t even want to co parent with her. Parallel parenting is my choice for now. ^ This.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 07:38 PM
14

Do NOT be a fucking fool. Get that divorce order FIRST. End the marriage, you are almost there. You spent years fucking around in a broken marriage. Now your ex is finding out.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 02:03 PM
6

See reasonably priced professionals. Far more honest relationship than the cesspool that is "online dating."
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 06:46 PM
6

Do it. Get everything ready. The minute she leaves for work, spring into action. Avoid all the bullshit -- and there is not a damn thing she can do about it. Have your new place all set up, and move absolutely everything you need that day. Your goal must be to never, ever return to the shared apartment. You want as clean, as forceful, as definitive a break as you can muster. Absolutely be the first mover. First, move out. Next, file for divorce. Do it quickly. One-year marriage, ideal time to fi…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 07:43 PM
7

Put her on ignore.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 07:37 PM
5

Positive note: Children are very, very resilient. Not to challenge your observations, but I would be hesitant to conclude anything in your son is permanently "broken." To the contrary, you have reason to hope for the strong possibility he recovers and thrives in two stable, peaceful homes, versus an upbringing where the parents merely exist in a palpably dysfunctional household.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 04:16 AM
4

Should have filed for divorce that week.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 12:22 AM
3

As I explained in another post, most United States courts, state and federal, have ex parte motion calendars and hours every day of the week. The judges usually rotate in to hear them, getting to court extra early to hear the ex parte matters. It's usually 8:30 a.m. when they start hearing ex parte matters. Ex parte basically means only one side. That is, only one party generally has filed paperwork with the court, because the other side hasn't had notice or a chance to respond or be heard. And …
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 09:57 AM
2

Honestly, ask one of the basic paid AI plans. Google’s Gemini Pro is pretty good, so is SuperGrok. Can sometimes get deals for like $10 for a month. Put your paid AI on “deep research” or whatever the setting is. Then, start throwing very detailed queries at it. Include every single parameter you want or need. Recent rent prices (or housing prices). Weather. Number of days of sunshine. Winter temps. Demographics. Medical care and health insurance. Jobs. Preferred humidity. Electricity prices. Pr…
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 06:17 PM
2

Read my response, above. You almost certainly are on the ex parte calendar. This should be near-automatic denial. Any smart judge will deny, and turn this into an ordinary spousal support request with proper briefing and hearing schedule. Definitely post an update. Unless your ex can demonstrate she is going to die or lose a limb absent a $20k cash infusion, the denial should come within minutes. Your lawyer should first attack this entire thing based on the high burden the ex parte / emergency …
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 04:41 PM
3

In the United States, both state and federal courts have “ex parte” hearing calendars every single morning, usually first thing at 8:30 a.m. or so. Usually specific judges will be assigned to the ex parte calendar, and they rotate the responsibility. These are for true emergencies. And “ex parte” is Latin for “from one party.” It is a very specific hearing in which the court will have papers from only one side, and the notice rules generally require just a email or phone call to the opponent of …
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 04:33 PM
5

Delete them. Then systematically delete your ex from your life. Permanently.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 03:31 PM
12

Be vigorous in pursuit of selling the house and splitting all assets. No financial entanglements with your ex wife. No, you are not overreacting. This ex is now, functionally and legally, a STRANGER in your life. Two separate adults. Get your forced judicial sale forms on file. Or get a good lawyer, if you don‘t already have one.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 04:04 PM
2

Read the information that most closely aligns with your case, and your circumstances. The greatest value here is to predict future outcomes based on similar facts. And to use tactics that have worked successfully in factually similar cases. You don’t need to be here four times a day for that. So moderate your use to only the most efficient and effective outcome in your divorce matter.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 12:11 AM
5

>>> I feel like I've lost all dignity. Untrue. You are providing. Even a fast food restaurant is important to both the employees and to the customers. I feel that way every time I order. Extended stay hotel. Find one that was recently built. It will be nice and comfortable. Other comments are correct. Must focus on you. Your ex is irrelevant. Stop caving and folding.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 06:21 AM
3

Stop thinking. Start filing. For divorce. Your marriage sucks. Stop yammering on. Stop running your mouth to your mother. Be a man, take responsibility, and FILE for divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 12:13 PM
6

Dude, sell the fucking house. Let’s assume your wife refuses. Fine. Force a judicial sale. The sale will be ordered and the mortgage retired when it sells. Get moving on this. Now.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 12:10 PM
31

Your writing, sorry to say, is horrendous. This is unreadable and makes zero sense. As for using HTML emails from Gmail to hide or conceal an affair, it sounds beyond ridiculous. There are much, much easier and better ways to communicate in secret. WhatsApp, Signal and Telegram are free, easy, encrypted. Or she could use a burner app on a smartphone. HTML emails connected to a Gmail account? Ain’t no one using that shit to disseminate encrypted communications because it‘s early 2000s email tech.…
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 12:07 PM
4

Report back after trial. As well as the final ruling.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 11:56 AM
1

You said “ex wife.” Why are you going to “couples therapy“? Also, as you already know, therapy has failed. It’s over. Stop wasting time and money.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 11:32 PM
15

This is the raw truth. If you are male, absolutely no one cares about your marriage, your relationships, or your divorce. Your friends generally don't care. Your family definitely does not care. And your in-laws? They will either now act as though you don't exist, or will be openly hostile. This is not a reflection on you. This is not a reflection of your worth. It simply is. It is hardwired genetics, and people really do not care about male relationships, at all. Embrace it. Be thankful people …
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 06:25 AM
14

No kids. No fifteen (or more) years of crushing child support. Short marriage. Zero spousal support. No killing yourself for five, ten, fifteen years having to support another person you no longer are with. No significant joint assets. No costly, drawn out divorce court battle over houses, pensions, 401k balances. You are young, so you may not fully appreciate this. You are learning a critical life lesson, and as cheaply as one can. Take solace in the fact you have avoided multiple horrible outc…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 09:49 AM
2

Alimony in WA State.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 04:29 PM
4

and I’m saying it’s our last chance. Wasting your time and money. Your marriage is over.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 06:36 AM
11

Brother, you are in for a war. An all-out divorce war. You better get ready. You need an absolute killer lawyer, ASAP. And do NOT leave the house. Your soon-to-be ex-wife is the enemy. She was ready to backstab you in the worst way possible. You better get the divorce paperwork on file IMMEDIATELY, and also seek temporary orders blocking anyone from moving in. Do it. Do it fast. Do it now. And keep communication with the enemy to a minimum. Repeat after me: "There's a stranger in the house." And…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 04:11 AM
1

I don’t care about gender roles, for me personally I look at who’s earned the assets and who should keep their assets No, plainly you did not "look at" who earned, who paid, and who should retain assets post-divorce. Your initial comment confirms that, beyond any doubt.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 08:37 PM
5

Get on file IMMEDIATELY. A marriage less than one year = zero alimony, zero support, your court is likely to order you each keep what is yours, and goodbye. Do it. Do it now. Do it fast.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 02:49 AM
1

he said “I think we need to do the thing that neither of us want to do.” It's over. Said without any malice or schadenfreude. Just accept it, it's over.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 08:15 AM
11

My attorney says to make a clean cut, which is the position that I have presented, but I'm interested in other opinions. Listen to your lawyer. NO debts. NO financial entanglements. Make this as clean and as permanent a split as you can. NO financial entanglements post-divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 12:51 AM
1

You better hope to high heaven you're not in a jurisdiction with the bullshit "common law marriage."
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 12:22 AM
7

she might as well go ahead with divorce. No, YOU go ahead with the divorce. It's already over. And you are making mistake after mistake, telegraphing what you are going to do. Instead, DO it. DO it first, explain later. You are fucking this up.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 12:19 AM
2

Two thoughts. First, if you have friends, neighbors, etc., could simply ask, what are they doing for Thanksgiving. Or suggest going out for dinner, or making something other than a traditional dinner (make prime rib, lamb rack, ribeye steaks, etc). Second, I've had a couple of Thanksgivings alone due to travel for work, or the significant other was traveling. It was really great. And it can be great if, like some of us, you dislike mindless chatter with in-laws, or even your own family. Instead,…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 06:45 AM
9

It's bullshit word-salad therapy-speak. Other such phrases: "He wasn't emotionally available." "I was doing all of the emotional labor." "He is a covert narcissist." "He refused to hold space for me during my trauma."
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 05:39 AM
2

Two prior comments concerning in-laws. These comments are the unvarnished truth. To sum: you’re not blood. The in-laws don’t care what your “story” side is. Especially for an ex-wife, her family will rally to her side, and you will be zeroed out. Accept this reality before humiliating yourself with preemptive divorce explanations that no in-law wants from you. And: The hard fact is this: you are not blood. And of course they will favor their daughter, no matter what the true facts are. They can …
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 08:54 AM
1

There is no Disneyworld version of love. You can throw all that romance bullshit into the landfill. This world is transactional, and this is highlighted by females in the dating marketplace.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 03:47 AM
0

Do you have a huge pot of money? Big enough to comfortably sustain you for the rest of your days? If yes, I would consider the following. Buying a cold storage crypto wallet, a good one. Spend months learning about crypto, especially untraceable crypto and both centralized and decentralized exchanges. Then, you liquidate everything you can. Purchase your preferred crypto, storing your keys in the cold wallet. And leave the country, forever, to start a new life of freedom, maybe permanent retirem…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 05:47 PM
0

Give OP your phone number. When he cares about your opinion on “too soon,” he’ll give you a call.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 05:34 PM
3

Unquestionably, you need a good, aggressive lawyer. You also need comprehensive discovery. And you need half the assets, all of them, including retirement accounts. And at twenty-five years marriage, ask for lifetime spousal support.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 12:06 PM
2

but I should feel bad for you? Come on man, read the room in 2025. Dum dum, maybe read the post. Ain't no one asking to "feel bad." It's a straightforward question, from one of the worst states for divorce. Nor is the poster going to "clear" the number you posted, not after CS and alimony. Stop talking and sit down.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 10:30 AM
7

losing the perfect wife in a car crash This. Perfect means a true partner you can trust. Super-rare, but it happens. If you lose her, I believe it will never happen again in one's lifetime. It's a golden unicorn. What comes after her are gold diggers and depenopotamus.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 09:01 AM
5

Be very careful. She may be pulling money OUT and screwing you out of your half of the equity.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 08:00 AM
2

Simply say the arrangement is fine. It’s enforcement that is the problem. And you need more specificity to ensure the order is followed.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 06:37 PM
4

Do not settle. Do not give in at any “meditation.” Go to trial and seek to win.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 06:32 PM
11

This is why single men, divorced men -- all men -- should never, ever, ever give a flying fuck what women think about them. These estrogen losers have an opinion on everything, yet skill at nothing. Ignore them. Disregard them. Reject any opinion they utter concerning a single man, a divorced man, an unmarried man doing what he wants, when he wants, how he wants. These females' opinions are irrelevant. And nothing they say or do will ever change this immutable fact.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 03:57 AM
3

Don't stop your move over a dog. Let it go. Move on.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 04:12 AM
4

Since we live in California, and she inherited the house from her Mom, that apparently is off the table. Stop repeating this. You need to seriously investigate "commingling" under California law. If an inherited property was used as the marital home, this may -- may -- be considered commingling, or otherwise used for the benefit of the marital estate, changing the separate asset into property of the marital estate. Perhaps you are entitled to half. Perhaps you are entitled to half of the propert…
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 04:42 AM
12

You invited multiple problems into your own home. Of course you are uneasy. It's going to get worse.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/25 01:25 PM
1

Change the fucking locks to electronic keypads, with no physical lock. And don't give anyone the passcode.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/25 07:03 AM
7

have been married for 2 years ... No kids, no shared property. Thank the fates. Most divorced men would kill to be in your position. This divorce is ideal. No alimony. No child support. No having to split retirement assets, a house, or a business. You have a golden ticket to freedom. Recognize this. You will begin to feel much better about your status.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/25 11:33 PM
2

I don’t think a person should be able to even file for divorce until mandatory counseling has taken place! Counseling: waste of fucking time. If someone wants to leave -- and especially if they are female -- the marriage is done. The relationship is done. No amount of "counseling" or "therapy" or "talking" is going to change a damn thing. If people want out, they're getting out. Period, end of story. Your proposal merely throws up expensive, time-consuming roadblocks to the marriage's inevitable…
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/25 10:27 PM
1

Poster above is talking about 'rules', when in reality, a high conflict divorce often runs afoul of them, and rarely are infringements brought to heal. I concede the point. This analysis is superior.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 06:02 PM
2

Settlement offers can be used strategically to establish you were the party trying to settle and keep this case out of court. So when you end up at trial you can posture your opponent as the reason the court is necessary. False. Mediation and settlement is confidential. In the great majority of cases, it cannot be "used strategically" in a court of law, or at trial. Don't take my word for it. Read the U.S. federal evidentiary rule, Rule 408. It says you cannot use settlement or mediation to prov…
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 08:02 AM
7

Even better: if the other side believes the business is worth $600k, offer to sell it to them for $400k. Any rational economic actor will pay 2/3 to get full value. Reality: when you offer to sell, they will never ever agree to buy it. Because they know the valuation is bullshit.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 06:35 PM
1

Proceed with divorce. The children will recover.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 03:31 PM
8

>>> The hard part is I am 100% of my business so the valuation isn't even realistic as I could never sell it for anything despite what it's valued at. Sounds like the “valuation“ is way the fuck off. In fact, you appear to be more akin to a solo contractor whose business has zero value / goodwill. The only value is your labor — just like any other W2 employee. I think you need another opinion. As well as very deep research into how your jurisdiction, in particular, would value a sole proprietors…
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 03:22 PM
7

Don't get married. Do not. Do not leave your financial future, and financial well-being, up to getting a fair judge in your marital jurisdiction. You'll be relying on getting a fair judge who upholds your prenuptial agreement. Don't roll those dice. Don't.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 07:12 PM
2

Don’t.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 09:50 PM
4

Is there a conceivable way to make a home purchase, under my name, and essentially “divorce proof” the house so I don’t get #%*+ed when we get divorced? No.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 04:25 PM
26

Emotionally unavailable Therapy-speak word salad bullshit. commitment phobic, avoidant. Good. Females initiate 70% of divorces. A bunch of bankrupt spendthrifts looking for a payday. If you are a middle age male, avoid marriage at all costs.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 04:23 PM
7

The harsh truth. She’s out. Done with family bullshit she has no control over. Don’t blame her one bit; last thing I’m interested in is “disciplining” offspring that aren’t mine. So, yes, “not feeling it” = I’m popping smoke and noping the fuck out of here.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 02:26 AM
3

Stop paying.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 10:50 AM
-1

The fuck did you put up with this bullshit for so long? You needed to grow a set 25 years ago.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 10:47 AM
1

PPO is for 12 months and the judge already exclaimed he would deny any further appeals. Doesn't sound correct. What the judge may have been commenting on was a "motion to reconsider." An "appeal" would go to a court higher than your current judge, who could overrule her or him. Whether you have the right to appeal a one-year PPO depends on your jurisdiction. As a general matter, appeals can be filed only after a matter has been concluded; but there are many particular exceptions to this general …
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 11:23 PM
2

>> her drug use GoPro Hero 13 Black. Immediately. Used for every single interaction starting now. Neither exaggerating nor joking.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 11:13 AM
10

Go after the properties.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/25 03:14 PM
8

See professionals. Much, much cheaper. And usually much better, too.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/25 05:58 AM
6

when I cancel my 401k Don't. You will never ever get that tax-free money and account space back.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 09:11 PM
6

Divorce has been final since March, but we've discussed working things out here and there. ... On one hand, I'm genuinely hurt and furious. Why tell me I'm the person she wants? Or the person she wants to be with? Why tell me that, and in the same day say there is someone else? Drop the rose-colored glasses. You're divorced. Of course your now-ex is lying to you about being "the one." You are totally separate adults, relationally as well as legally. You cannot trust anything this person says abo…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 08:24 AM
1

You're stuck pretty good. One infant/toddler already, and another coming in eight months. If you felt this way, dude, why didn't you get a vasectomy? Should have filed for divorce long before kid number two was generated.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 08:18 AM
3

Stick to this. Stick to the order.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 06:26 AM
5

>> Mixture of me being emotionally unavailible Meaningless word salad. And therapy-speak. Grasping at nonsense because she is done with the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/25 09:52 AM
9

We have been talking for 6 months now ... I’m planning on taking things slow If you "take" it any slower, time will move in reverse.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/25 08:45 PM
1

Could I make an argument that I don't feel safe with my wife driving our kids because of the accident she recently had? You could. Will it be successful? Absent inebriation or driving under the influence of drugs, it is highly likely your allegation will not matter.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 12:24 AM
6

Your "hard lines" will fail if this goes to trial.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/25 11:19 PM
9

Grass Not Greener Goto 10
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/25 07:42 AM
1

I want her to attend counselling to try and bring the situation to one that’s mutually workable and ultimately use mediation. Brother, you're in another universe if you think this is going to happen. Don't you read this forum? Don't you understand that, right now, she's preparing for war? And here you are, making laughably worthless recommendations and suggestions about "counseling" and "mediation." You want mediation, and she's gearing up for a lawyer-driven battle Royale -- and is going to do …
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/25 10:54 AM
4

Dude, listen to me close: get the FUCK out of this marriage. Now. If you "think" she's hanging around to try and chisel her way in to the inheritance, brother, that's exactly what she's doing. Don't let her. Read this forum; divorce is a female-driven business in western democracies. Your partner is making a business decision to put up with a marriage she hates, looking for a payout. File. File now. You can control your own destiny. Any inheritance post-filing will be yours, and yours alone. Her…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/25 10:50 AM
13

Please understand: absolutely no one cares about your marriage, your divorce, who behaved, who misbehaved, your relationship, who cheated, who was faithful. No one cares. Your family doesn't care (especially if you are male). Your friends don't care. The courts don't care. Your judge doesn't care. Hell, not even the legislature cares -- which is precisely how we achieved "no fault" divorce, the de rigueur standard in western democracies. It's not personal. Especially if you are male, people simp…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/25 10:45 AM
1

Can we just get remarried? Dude, no one can answer the question. You failed to provide the country of remarriage, as well as failed to provide the country of the failed divorce. How do you expect anyone to even begin to provide a relevant answer when you leave out the most basic shit required to formulate an answer? This is the equivalent of "x + x = x ; solve for x with a real number." In the United States, the answer is a big fat no. Even if you are legally separated, you cannot remarry in the…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 11:53 AM
18

What I can’t understand is Why the F are you trying to "understand"? Your marriage is over. This person is no longer your partner. Your ex is now your divorce adversary. Plainly your ex realizes this, and is preparing. Are you? Personally, I would’ve preferred mediation, something respectful and practical, over a hostile, expensive, lawyer-driven confrontation. No one cares. Not your ex-wife. Not the courts. Not your future judge. And most certainly not your ex-wife's lawyer. You better get smar…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 11:47 AM
3

Lawyer 2. File for divorce. Do not give her a chance to manufacture false abuse and domestic violence claims. You know it's headed that way if you give her the chance.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 09:04 AM
4

Two year marriage. This is very short. Financial damage should be minimal. If the other side starts playing games, push for a fast trial date. But really, with no property, no kids, no real financial issues, this shit should be wrapped up in thirty days. If it takes much longer -- the lawyers are fucking around, looking for billable hours. Truth. Don't let them bill the shit out of this. You need to shut this shit down and press for a trial date.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 08:58 AM
2

How long were you married?
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 07:49 PM
4

Question you need to answer: do you trust your ex-wife? Is this someone who would literally keep the children from you while residing in a foreign country? If yes, you know the answer. If you believe your ex-wife is trustworthy and are certain the ex will honor the custody agreement, I'd probably sign. If they are residing part-time in Canada, the children eventually will need passports of some kind, especially with parents residing in two different countries. So it is a reasonable ask.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 06:59 PM
3

You're close to 40. Everything gets very transactional. Embrace it. See professionals. Not joking, and it's embraced in many cultures and countries around the world, just not the puritan and backwards United States in this regard. Never, ever, ever get married again. Statistically, your chance of having a second divorce are astronomically high. Higher than a two-in-three chance. Don't do it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 06:55 PM
2

In direct answer to your question, you need to visit this site. This is the official court repository for official court forms. Scroll down to "family law." Now, none of us know what's been done in your case. We don't know what's been filed, what the status is, what the "contested" issues are. If nothing's been done, you are going to need at least some of those forms, guaranteed. But that's not all. Family law court is a civil court. So all of the regular civil forms and motions and practices ap…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 06:52 PM
3

Hopefully, the alimony ends soon.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 01:44 PM
3

Her family — especially the ones I shared so many cherished memories with — essentially disappeared from my life when our relationship ended. I’ve felt not just abandoned by her, but rejected by her entire family. Make no mistake, you have been rejected. Do not take it personally. This is the way it goes for everyone. Her family is blood, tied by DNA and a lifetime of memories starting with birth and childhood. That means everything. To her family, you are a sperm donor and walking ATM. This rea…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 02:22 AM
1

Good. Get the paperwork. I'd be careful in your interactions with her. This is going south, and quickly. "I feel threatened" is part of the playbook for some sort of TRO or a domestic violence allegation. Also very likely there is another man in the picture.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 02:01 AM
5

More word salad therapy speak. Incomprehensible nonsense.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 12:41 AM
2

Get the fucking paperwork back. Start separating your own individual assets ASAP. You're in for a big fight. Big.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 12:29 AM
0

men who fight are getting 50/50, and I'm in a mom state that does not have 50/50 law. Gives away the game. Not only is the state law biased in a "mom" state -- whatever the fuck that is -- males have to "fight" to get equal treatment under the law. According to this poster's own observations. Total confirmation explicit sexual discrimination is baked into both the divorce laws, and into family court outcomes.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 12:25 AM
2

Because of a technicality—something about residency. It's likely more than a mere technicality. Residency absolutely could be about jurisdiction and/or venue. And jurisdiction and venue are two pillars of due process -- guaranteed by the United States Constitution, and likely guaranteed by your state or your jurisdiction's constitution as well. We don't know the particulars, but, if your judge or court saw a jurisdiction issue, this a fundamental, foundational problem. And usually a big one. We'…
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 11:52 PM
8

I think you are delusional. Divorced two years ago. Ex in a relationship. No contact. Male blocked on social media. Ex reads and rejects direct message. Move. The. Fuck. On. It is over.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 07:19 PM
1

You're not married. Eight year fiancé = ridiculous.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 03:29 AM
1

He did. Read prior posts about this.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 03:27 AM
5

Dude. You should have videotaped everything. Everything. And made that Exhibit A to your divorce petition. There is a proven law in divorce court: good video evidence is inversely proportional to ex-spouse's alimony demands.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 09:00 AM
5

Per MSA, college expenses are shared equally between the me and exwife. It is beyond insane that some states can use their child support statutes to require parents to subsidize college for a legally independent adult. It is such a massive overstep, and overreach, into the adult affairs of a biological parent. College is not a right. College is not set forth in the Constitution of the United States nor the Bill of Rights. How a parent can be compelled, via divorce statutes, to part with their pr…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/25 12:08 PM
1

why would he ask twice on a forum from random people that live in different states where the law could be different? To solicit, read, and review other divorcees' particular experiences. Read about their lived experiences. To learn what their lawyers told them. How judges viewed the request. Outcomes. Learn about potential traps and pitfalls, which can be universal, regardless of jurisdiction. And to gather information over and above a single legal professional. It makes a lot of sense to inquir…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/25 12:00 PM
2

I just think it’s crazy that someone in your position would ask such important questions on Reddit and not to a legal professional? Why did you assume he failed to ask a "legal professional"? What is "crazy" about soliciting opinions from people who have gone through this process? Response makes zero sense.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/25 05:28 AM
10

>>> Had some friends really step up for a minute now I don’t hear much from them. Of course you don’t. In truth, no one cares about your marriage, or your divorce. No one wants to hear about it. The courts don’t care. Your judge doesn’t care. Even adult children don’t care. I don’t care about the particulars either — other than to learn about landmines to avoid. This is ok. This is normal. This is appropriate. Your friends simply do not want to get involved in your relationship shit. And muliply…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 11:21 PM
2

Cold wallet + Monero FTW.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 11:14 PM
2

Is your wife good to you? Can you rely on her? Is she trustworthy? If yes, this counts for a lot. A lot. Also, she was willing to do IVF for you. That also is a lot. Look, as you get older, marriage becomes much more about partnership, helping the other person, etc. And, it is actually good you go and do other things. Even better if you are out a lot. No one person can be your everything. It’s totally unrealistic, and frankly ridiculous, especially when viewed in terms of many years, even decade…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 10:36 PM
12

There is another rule. If you are male, and if you live in a western-style democracy, never, ever get married. And never, ever, ever sire offspring. In such jurisdictions, the government and the courts view you as a biological ATM machine, nothing more. The only value you have to the family/divorce court industrial complex is how much currency can be extracted from the male during implosion of the marital contract. And the length of time beta simps can be put on the hook for child support.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 10:21 PM
3

What? Look, people stupidly think crypto is "stored" on a cold wallet. Nope. It's on the blockchain. That's the only point I was making.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 10:40 AM
2

Cold wallet, purchased with cash. Lots of cash withdrawals at the casino. Followed by your blockchain transactions, and seed phrase secure with the cold wallet.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 05:51 AM
6

Hire professionals. Unlike the backwards U.S., this is legal and acceptable in many parts of the world.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 12:13 AM
8

You should have left after 45 minutes. Grow a backbone. Also, go to trial. And marshal all that evidence into evidentiary submissions. All of it. Use it at trial. Don't settle.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 12:10 AM
6

You better file immediately. Right now. At five years, no kids, no house, the financial damage will be contained. The longer you wait, the larger the spousal support you will have to pay.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/25 04:47 PM
7

Stay the fuck out of it. Especially if you are male. Everyone loathes a male running his mouth behind people’s backs. Leave gossip to the women.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 07:00 AM
5

input: male/father “stays at home” or “raises the children” while female works output: relationship failure and loathed male
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 07:48 AM
7

Many white-collar and office jobs are bullshit, do-nothing, make-work money wasters populated by Karens. Especially government. Family court is filled with them. Overweight, lazy, poorly read, and couldn’t care less Karens. Time-wasting and delay = more money for the Karenocracy. Welcome to family court. The only way to win is to be overly prepared, ruthlessly efficient, and always be pushing for a trial date.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 05:15 AM
2

First, why in the ever loving fuck did you sign this thing? Do you own a calculator? For fucks sake: add up the income, then add up the MSA obligations. Subtract, and you get a negative number. You cannot afford it. Second, several of the MSA terms appear to be total bullshit. $750 a month for her LAWYER? What? Phones? Three cars? Third, fire your lawyer. Immediately. If this was going to be your fate, you should have gone all the way to trial and force a judge to order this — which, by the way,…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 05:05 AM
6

>>> Going on 5 months since I asked her for a divorce BS. You don’t “ask” for a divorce. You demand one. You demand one by filing a petition for divorce, and by serving that filing on your marriage partner. Then you demand the earliest possible trial date, and oppose all continuance requests. This requires neither input nor permission from marriage partner. Delay? Look in the mirror. There is your delay.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 06:48 PM
9

Unknown. Maybe she doesn't want money because of your expectations surrounding the transfer.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 11:51 AM
12

Do not waste weeks texting and find out she's an orca 90% chance, she is.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 05:54 PM
4

Just file. And get out quickly.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 05:52 PM
13

My judge who was female was very fair! This does happen. A female judge, of course, grew up around women, from childhood to adulthood. Females know the total fucking bullshit that other females engage in. This includes blatant lying, purposeful drama, horrible attitudes, laziness. Female judges lived it every day with other women, and your judge was likely subject to demeaning and degrading treatment by her female peer group. Lots of women have talked about this, including celebrity females like…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 11:55 AM
12

Doesn’t child support end automatically at 18? Is that in your divorce settlement? No matter what, pursue this. Be on top of it. Be persistent. You need a good lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 05:52 AM
2

Leave. Go home. Rebuild.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/25 08:54 AM
1

I also have three kids to support two having special needs and special needs means expensive. Are you the biological father? If yes, it is near-certain you will have to provide for them until they reach the age of majority. If no, you are not responsible.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/25 11:55 AM
1

Wonderful. Everyone should read this.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/25 06:44 AM
4

Stop. Paying.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/25 05:06 AM
6

Disagree. Whether male or female, if someone wants out of a marriage or relationship, no matter the reason, let them go. Having to "prove" something to leave a relationship is a nonstarter; all that is required is one's desire to leave. And nothing more. Now, spousal support and asset split is an entirely different question; if one is abandoning the commitment to play with a newfound toy, that person should leave with nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/25 05:03 AM
2

and have to finance step children’s spending habits anymore Thank the fates you did not adopt or agree to be a legal parent or guardian. Always a huge mistake. Legally, if you're not the bio parent, they are not your kids -- and thus not your responsibility.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/25 04:57 AM
1

I, like a lot of men, work from home and have no friends asside from school and online. If literally true, that's o.k. It means you have peace and quiet. But if you turned to these people at school or online for help with a task or an idea, I bet they would assist.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/25 04:54 AM
1

No. Just get her served, even if it takes ten attempts. They'll eventually get her. Or, you can get her served via "publication" if her dodge attempts keep going on. This happens all the time. Just be persistent and keep on your process server. But no, she won't "get in trouble." In fact, it's likely nothing at all will happen -- because unless and until you have her served, the courts do not have personal jurisdiction over her. That is why you must serve "process," i.e. your petition and summon…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/25 11:50 AM
1

Found the pearl-clutching tone police. Unalive yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/25 08:59 PM
3

Reddit and Youtube launched in 2005. There was material well before then about how punitive divorce laws can be, especially with a working productive spouse, and a lazy layabout spouse who sits at home and drinks. It's been out there for decades. Decades. California started no-fault divorce in 1970. Nearly every other state adopted it after that. That's 55 years ago.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/25 08:49 PM
2

Looks like a poorly thought out schedule, frankly. It's confusing, the difference between the even and odd weeks. And it looks like just a couple days at your place, back over to the ex's place for two days, then back over to your place for six days, with another switch in the middle of the week? It looks ridiculous. Can't you do something much more simple, like one week on, one week off? Will be much less disruptive to the kid, and a whole lot easier to follow than this two-day-shuffle nonsense…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/25 09:21 AM
3

My question is…is 2 missed visits to be served alarming to a judge/court? How long/many times if this happened would it be to where it becomes an issue? .... EDIT: instead of advice on a lawyer (which I have lined up already) could anyone actually comment on the questions I posed? The question you posed confirms you have zero legal experience, nor any understanding of the courts, due process, constitutional law, the litigation process, service of process, and both the statutes and the rules of c…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/25 09:10 AM
3

Marriage is over. File immediately for divorce. Do it now. At under two years, spousal support will be zero. DO IT NOW.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/25 04:00 AM
0

As you now know, this is no way to act. In the future, I suggest you do a 180 degree turn. When my lady wants to go out, I tell her, “go. Have fun. Bye.” I don’t interfere, I don’t interject, and in truth, I really don’t care. I encourage her to go out with her friends. Even tell her to pay for a lunch or dinner with acquaintances. And I don’t make a big deal out of most things. She lost something? We’ll replace it. She broke something? We’ll fix it. A good way to behave is to be either positive…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 12:18 PM
7

I think calling the police will only make the situation worse. Your battle is with your ex; leave it there. Don‘t drag the kids into the police state by having the mother and/or the son arrested. You will greatly complicate a messy situation. Further, if you think that will change behavior, you have a big lesson coming. A sixteen year old likely won’t care — and he may never trust you again. You also have fanciful notions of making a report, followed by arrests, incarceration, and prosecution. F…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 04:34 AM
3

Did you split the 5k camp costs last year? If yes, then I would leave it at that. Her working allows her to contribute to the bills. I wouldn’t seek to profit from your flexibility. If the roles were reversed, you’d hate that stance. Better to keep the peace.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/25 03:47 PM
5

Jesus Christ. To hell with Christmas Eve memories. You need to be strategizing your divorce dissolution order, which will impact you for decades to come.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 06:36 PM
5

My dude, how have you allowed this to go on for half a decade? You need to divorce. Immediately.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 06:33 PM
5

Why the hell are you not divorced after five years? Why do you live in the same house, when it should have been forcibly sold during the divorce and the equity split? This is happening because, in part, you positioned yourself to allow it to happen.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 05:19 PM
10

This is why the cynics in here advise men to (1) never get married, and (2) never ever have kids. Especially not if living in a western “democracy.” Seems a fairly “typical” result. And because this is typical, some of us reject this shit system entirely. We reject starting a family arising from a western marriage. We will never allow the state government to inflict this atrocious result on us. Declining birth rates? Too few future workers? Death of the family? We don’t give a fuck. Unless and u…
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 02:06 PM
4

I have no idea how I’ll explain this to my daughter one day. Compile a complete list of every single pleading and filing in your court case. From the initial complaint/petition to your final divorce decree. Every scrap of paper. Put it in a document storage bag. When she turns 18 or 21, give it to her. Tell your daugther if she wants to find out why you two divorced, tell her it's all in the bag, which she can independently confirm.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 10:31 AM
1

>> We have never had sex. Not once during this marriage. I tried to be patient and understanding, and I never pressured her. After reading this, I don’t believe any of it. No one is this dumb.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/25 07:19 PM
1

Process servers. There are many in every state.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 08:54 AM
28

Proceed directly to divorce. Marriage is over. No trial separation, no bullshit therapy. When a female tells you she’s done with the marriage, it‘s been planned for many months, if not years. Also, highly likely there is a romantic partner. Time to lawyer up.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 08:52 AM
6

Unreasonable to expect a divorcing party to compensate another party due to “higher interest rates” or needing to take out “higher loan value.” Neither your wife, nor the courts, set interest rates. Nor are they forcing you to take out a mortgage. Save up some money, buy a smaller place, and pay cash. What you can buy and afford post-divorce is on you. Period. Finally, you don’t have a legal leg to stand on. You will have an asset split. Absolutely nothing in the family law code says, or entitle…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/25 12:31 PM
2

“Therapy.” Total waste of fucking time and money when headed to divorce. 99.9% failure rate.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 05:58 PM
2

I would ignore this advise. Three weeks is more than enough time. The radio silence confirms the gamesmanship.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 05:48 PM
6

Go for 50/50 split.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 05:41 PM
13

Capital incineration. There are two rules for men who live in western-style democracies. First, never, ever have kids. Second, if you get married, you better be damn sure you've got a female diamond partner, as close to 100% as you can be. Someone who will always have your back no matter what. If you have even a scintilla of uncertainty, do not get married.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 06:44 AM
1

This. Provide your kids the documents. Now.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 04:53 AM
2

Consider yourself very, very lucky. Short marriage. No kids. No joint-owned property or assets. Dude, this is the fucking DREAM divorce. Keep your head down and shoulders straight. Don’t engage. Ignore your ex. Get out of this marriage quickly and cleanly.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 10:05 PM
3

Good. Turn away. Make a silent scene. Do it. It is deserved.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 09:50 PM
2

Lie.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 01:47 AM
2

Covenant = bullshit. Divorce is all about the money. So is marriage. All the rest is nonsense.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 01:39 AM
6

and wants me to agree to an agreement for judgement that gives the court jurisdiction to award spousal support in an amount of her choosing. Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever ever agree to this. This is one of the dumbest fucking things I've ever read here, and we see a lot of stupid shit. How to proceed? Get a good lawyer. Be very careful about anything and everything with your ex. Agree to absolutely nothing unless and until your counsel has reviewed it, thought about it, and you both have d…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/25 09:18 AM
13

Have two boys 20 and 17. Don’t see see 20 year old half as much as I like. 17 year old works and is never around. This has nothing to do with you, or divorce. Two young men at those ages? Ain't nobody seeing their boys much at those ages. They are out, and they want to be out, on their own. Again, this is zero reflection on you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/25 04:00 AM
3

You'll be even more screwed if you don't. The longer you wait, the worse it gets. Because the alimony payments keep going up the longer you are married.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/25 11:52 AM
5

An email is so freaking cowardly to me. And I can’t stop rereading it in anger. This is an absurd response to a normal request. Be thankful she isn't emailing a list of false allegations to her lawyer in an effort to manufacture false domestic violence charges. Bro needs a reality check here.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 12:32 PM
6

she would whine and complain to her hen house on social media You know who cares about this? No one. Absolutely no one. Not even her "friends." They don't give a flying fuck -- and they very likely know that, in truth, she's a lying drama queen.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 11:14 AM
10

Immediately file for divorce. Every day you wait, the worse it will be. And more expensive.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 11:11 AM
4

7.5 years later and I still keep my distance Smart. More need to follow this example. Text or email only. No phone. No private or personal interaction, always in public, with a camera, and about the kids only.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 11:09 AM
1

instead of normal CS payments? Sigh. How many times have we addressed this? You need to hit the "search" bar with this query, as it comes up again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again. I'm going to copy an answer I provided to someone else just a week ago. They also had an idea about setting aside money for a child, "instead of normal" child support payments. This applies equally to you, to your situation, to your idea of funding a 529 "instead of" making court-order…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 10:20 AM
10

But when I said this comment to my colleagues This was your first mistake. Your second mistake: thinking anyone in your office cares. They don't.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 10:28 AM
8

Get the divorce done ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/25 12:16 PM
3

It's going to get much, much worse after birth. Not joking. I'd proceed with divorce. Immediately.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/25 04:57 PM
2

Go Pro Hero. Get it. Record everything.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/25 04:56 PM
4

I will tell her in a month when done. Not good enough. You first go through the court system. Get your order of dissolution and any orders pertaining to property and assets. Then you wait for the appeal period to expire. And then you wait some more after that, just to be sure. Then you can mention it. Like a year later.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/25 12:16 PM
6

I agree wholeheartedly with your lawyer. Go to court. Go to trial. And go after the salary, bonus, and retirement accounts, as well as full child support and alimony. I would pass on the $40k closing costs, that sounds iffy. And the other things are far more important.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/25 12:13 PM
6

Do not do this. Under *any* circumstances. First, as to alimony. At a three year marriage, she is unlikely to get any alimony, and most certainly not three years at $3k per month. A three year marriage is short; the outcome is likely zero. Far more dangerous is this stupid "child support" plan. California is one of those states where child support must go through "the system," meaning California's State Disbursement Unit, or SDU. It is critical you understand the following: if you fail to make c…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/25 11:58 AM
3

Do NOT cancel. You will owe a lot more money and spousal support down the line when you eventually do file. Proceed NOW. You keep on going to court until you get that divorce decree. Don't be weak.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/25 12:32 PM
3

Yes, you can project. Look at your local jurisdiction's divorce laws. See what they say concerning marital property split, spousal support, child support. Some jurisdictions even have calculators for the last two items. Plug it in, see where you are at. But, twenty-year marriage, fourteen-year stay-at-home wife, and one kid still at home: you're going to lose half, at least, probably more when the spousal support gets factored in. She'll get a nice chunk of the pension of course, you sell the ho…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/25 12:30 PM
9

It’s amicable Not anymore. The sooner you understand this, the better off you will be.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 10:33 PM
18

Weight loss. More “confidence.” Not “sexually compatible.” Well, what’s not compatible is the current husband, and the new toy she found.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/25 02:12 PM
5

Well, you have to divorce. It’s over. She is gone. Going to be tough with four kids. Try to get 50/50. Need to fight alimony and child support.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/25 02:07 PM
8

Never get married again. That will be an enormous improvement.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/25 03:08 PM
0

It’s bullshit. That is why. And, big reveal: monogamy is bullshit too. Asia, Europe, and most of the rest of the world figured this out 5,000 years ago.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/25 03:06 PM
1

I'm going through a divorce (4 years, no kids) This is the most important, right here. No matter what, no child support under California law, a huge win. Also, another win is your kinda-short marriage. Especially in California. At best she'll get alimony for two years, half the term of your marriage. But you do have a chance of reducing that, and I absolutely would take it to trial. No kids. Have her income imputed. And if you get a fair judge, it could definitely be less than "guidelines." Judg…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 09:22 AM
14

Visit another country. Spend some loot. Party with some ladies. You'll feel better. I assure you, it won't feel pointless.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 09:17 AM
1

I think it is fine if females participate. Also, actual participation appears to be very low. So there is no issue, as I see it. All are welcome.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 09:14 AM
12

Phuck me dead -- men, you need to grow a fucking backbone. At the first sign of truly bad behavior, especially early in a relationship, you pop smoke. Gone.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 04:46 AM
2

The problem is that we can only just afford our house and the essentials with our combined income. Doubtful either of us would be able to support a household and the kids separately. Irrelevant. File for divorce. Now. Then you use the alcoholism to gain full custody. And then you demand child support and spousal support. You may very well get it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 04:43 AM
6

If she would sell our fully paid for house and move just 30 minutes away I could maybe retire now but she 100% refuses. She would rather watch me drop dead from job stress. Her refusal is irrelevant. You file for divorce. You demand a forced judicial sale of the house. And you split the proceeds according to your jurisdiction's laws concerning the disposal of marital assets. This happens all the time in divorce court. Selling the house and dividing the proceeds is as common as dirt.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 04:40 AM
2

What would you advise for him and frankly, for me? Nothing. Stay the fuck out of it. What you don't know about this situation far exceeds what you think you do know. I’ve played devils advocate and asked if he’s the abusive one but he insists that it’s her. You're wasting time and effort. Nearly all abusers deny their abuse. Why would you even ask such stupid questions, knowing you can't trust the representations?
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 12:20 PM
7

I’m struggling to make sense of it all. This is an easy one. First, you are not blood. Second, she is blood. Third, she is female. Make no mistake: in a familial split, blood relatives will close tight ranks around their female blood relative. Even if you were the perfect male husband, and she is the spawn of satan, her family is related by birth and by childhood history -- and that trumps everything. There is another important, related point. If you are male, married to a female, your wife's bl…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 12:04 PM
9

r/thatHappened
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 04:18 AM
2

First, you are going to have a big jurisdictional fight on your hands. If you can get the case moved to Texas and have Texas law apply, wonderful. If you are stuck under California law, that's much worse. I don't know what state law should apply -- but merely because she moved to California doesn't mean California law should apply. Maybe the state law where you separated should apply. I don't know -- but you sure as fuck need to figure it out, and now. You don't want the California train to star…
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/25 05:37 AM
14

Post updates so others can learn how to navigate this issue.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 07:24 AM
4

Put it up on Rumble. Then re-link.
/r/MensRights18/04/25 07:20 AM
2

Have your deal points ready. If you two are amicable, and can agree on a parenting plan, mediator is worth the attempt. If you reach a deal, mediator can likely put it together in an agreed divorce decree and parenting plan, submit it to the court, and you are done. Could save you tens of thousands of dollars. If you cannot agree, then you fight and go to trial. Agree to what is fair. Reject anything that is not fair.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/25 03:46 PM
3

We have a house, and I’m willing give up all my retirement accounts and our shared IRA to keep the house for me. Big mistake. You'll never, ever be able to recapture those tax-advantaged balances. The tax-free growth = enormous wealth generator. Whereas your house is a big lifestyle expense. And those expenses are skyrocketing, given stupid property taxes and home insurance premiums. Better run the math, including current and future projections on what your proposal means ten, twenty, thirty, an…
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/25 03:17 AM
0

Your formatting is totally fucked up.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 12:52 PM
4

The bills are 690. Pay it and move on. And make sure she cannot, in any way, put you on the hook for any more expenses or liabilities. $690 is literally nothing in a divorce, where fees and expenses can easily hit six-figures for both parties. Don't waste time or money fighting these utility bills. It's such a small amount, that in the grand scheme, it's meaningless. Instead, focus all your energy on making sure no future damage, credit, liabilities, debt, etc. can be accrued in your name, witho…
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 12:40 AM
2

You need your mediated "settlement agreement," really a "stipulation" or a "proposed dissolution" or whatever term of art your jurisdiction uses, to be filed and approved by the court and your judge. When the judge signs your stipulation/proposed order/proposed dissolution/agreement/settlement/whatever you call it, the judge will sign it, and will order you are officially divorced. Once the judge dockets that order in your case, that is when is finalized and done. The question "rescind" makes no…
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 12:33 AM
19

Disagree. Do NOT do counseling. Telling you straight up, "counseling" is a money-wasting failure 99% of the time. Also, do you really want to sit there, Real Housewives style, hashing out all this bullshit? The answer is no, you do not. Proceed immediately with divorce. This is the perfect time. Marriage under two years. No kids. It's going to be fast, easy, and mostly painless. You will emerge mostly financially unscathed. It's a grand-slam home run way to end this shit marriage. Stick to your …
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 12:29 AM
8

that my idea of a long term relationship is 24 hours. Or two hours. In this day and age, seeing professionals is, in many respects, be vastly superior to dating, and unquestionably superior to marriage. Two things to note. First, in many cultures, this is both legal and accepted, and it's the U.S. that's the backwater. Second, read this forum and others about this. You'll see more than a few truth bombs in which seasoned divorcees concede, in full honesty, their part-time and even paid relations…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 11:47 AM
1

I plan to offer her, off the record, ability to have more Alone time with no contact with her Partner, if she is willing to, and also in addition, ability to join on Tradition Trips we created for Skiing and Beach, where she can join me and the kids, alone. Here is the truth: your plan is terrible. There will be no "off the record." The instant you make this "offer," it's going straight into both a mediation brief, as well as into an affidavit she signs under oath, files with the Court, and accu…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 11:43 AM
7

The poster lacks the will — and the cajones — to follow through on what he knows must be done. ”I did it.” You did nothing other than the nonsense that previously failed. A “written prepared statement”? What is this, Question Time in the U.K. Parliamen? And two hours of Real Housewives babblespeak. None of it will matter. He knows. We all know. This lack of intestinal fortitude is precisely why so many men find themselves in utterly shit marriages, and lives. Just like the poster.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 06:12 PM
12

I know that I'll have to take it slow with her to build something from scratch Dude, you haven't even met this person. Either you, or her, may want to run away within five minutes of saying hello. You need to totally and completely reset expectations.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/25 03:44 AM
3

This would be an enormous mistake. You must proceed with the divorce. If you don't, you will continue to add to the massive tab you may owe your former spouse. This could include spousal support. Medical insurance. And another big one, social security benefits, which your ex-spouse will continue to accrue unless and until you sever the cord. No one knows how long you've been married, but, the longer it goes on, the higher the maintenance you may owe. Do not do this. It also will be financially s…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/25 03:37 AM
1

You don't have to press charges. “Press charges." Why do so many people say this stupid phrase? Civilians cannot and do not “press” criminal charges, nor do they have *any* say over whether someone is criminally prosecuted. Whether to indict or otherwise charge a person with criminal violations rests solely with prosecutors and/or those duly authorized to seek criminal penalties. Stop asking or saying this frighteningly stupid concept that you, a citizen, can or will decide to “press charges,” i…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 10:56 AM
10

i’ve tried explaining the financial strain a million ways, suggested every option i can think of, but she doesn’t get it—or doesn’t want to. This is your biggest mistake. Stop explaining. File for divorce. And she will be forced to increase her income.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 10:52 AM
5

Are you self-representing? Mistake. You need a lawyer who can pull all the levers and tricks. This includes affidavits, depositions, etc. You need to marshal evidence, and in a way the court cannot ignore it. This requires experience and skill.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 03:19 AM
2

Trial date. Set it. Now.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 02:55 AM
2

but I seriously do not want to get involved. Do not get involved. Just don't.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/25 01:19 AM
15

his response was "i want primary custody or I sign away my rights, and you get no CS. Have fun raising the kids on your own". This dude is wrong. Child support is required by statute, and you cannot waive it away.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/25 01:18 AM
3

In no scenario do you or should you feel ok about what you did to this woman. Bullshit. People change. An individual initially believed they thought they wanted kids. Their perspective changed. It happens all the time. Only low-IQ mouthbreathers believe an opinion or outlook once held can never, ever be changed.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 09:55 PM
5

Seriously, forget therapy. You don't want kids. Neither did I. Best decision we ever made, for us. When you know, you know. Don't waver, don't cave, and stop wasting time and money on therapy. Proceed directly to divorce. With a three-year marriage, financial damage should be minimal. But, get moving. Now. If you can say in your initial petition the marriage was "two years + n months," that's going to be great for you. At under three years, it's highly likely there will be zero alimony. And of c…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 04:48 AM
2

In addition to in-home cameras, I'd be picking up the GoPro Hero 13 Black. And a V30 memory card with at least 256GB, and probably a lot larger than that. Don't rely on just your smartphone camera. You want something that you can simply press a button and record everything while hands-free. Before people start thinking I'm the bad guy here please note that I tried as hard as I could for 2 years to make it work. You never need to apologize, explain, or otherwise rationalize your decision to split…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/25 09:09 AM
14

Canada is a divorce hellhole. Truly.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/25 10:06 AM
7

No fault divorce. None of this will matter. You are wasting time even thinking about it. Not joking, don’t waste another second even contemplating trying to argue this in court. Not even adultery matters in no-fault; no judge is going to give a flying fuck about post-separation hypergamy.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 03:44 PM
3

It’s likely all of the hard negotiating and deal points were agreed to before the final approval hearing. If that is the case, a short final hearing is standard. The judge will want appearances by both parties, and their lawyers if they have them. The court will, on the record, ask if both parties agree to the entry of the final order, confirm they were not coerced, etc. If the parties agree, that’s it. It’s done. There is nothing left to decide, and thus nothing left to do on the record. Hearin…
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 03:40 PM
2

Fight till the death to hold onto your home. Do NOT surrender or give more than legally required during mediation, settlement talks, etc. Go to trial and put it all on the line, it is likely you will win in the end.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 10:50 PM
1

You can deposit it with the parents. Also, look into cold wallets. Could do a transfer from parents' account, into your cold wallet and crypto of choice.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 07:37 AM
4

The best first step? Cold wallet.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 10:37 AM
4

You have an extremely valuable asset: optionality. Freedom to choose many different paths. Free from marital strife and conflict, and with a young man who will be an adult in a few years. Optionality = value.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 08:18 PM
14

You better be laser focused on money, assets, income, retirement, and documents. Start hoovering up and making copies of EVERYTHING, from investment accounts, bank accounts, insurance, pension and retirement accounts. Everything. And you need to be getting your fair share of her university pension, 401k, seek alimony, and seek your share of the marital home. Bottom line: your marriage is over. The only thing you have left is the business of divorce. Divorce is indeed a business. This is a busine…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 11:26 PM
1

This is the way.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 09:10 AM
4

No, counseling will be a massive waste of time and money. Success rate is close to zero. Just up and file for divorce. Not joking. Get out.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 11:02 AM
5

This is precisely why seeing professionals is vastly superior to the utter shit that is western marriage today.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 10:57 AM
2

Read this again and again.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 06:34 AM
7

This board is filled with stupid men. Truly. Guys who simp and negotiate away valuable rights and property. Dudes who ignore motions and court dates. Men who sign shit without reading it. Men who allow the ex-wife's attorney to "handle the paperwork," only to find out later he's on the hook for 100% of some kid's college costs until age 23. And then there's this genius. Puts a big X on his personal treasure map -- and hands it to a squatter who will work overtime to gin up the most dubious legal…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 05:21 AM
15

The dumbest fucking thing you could do is open your mouth. The instant she learns, her next phone call is to a lawyer. And that lawyer is going to scour the record, your divorce file, your discovery -- everything -- to see if there is even a flawed basis to claw that money out of your account. It could be a disclosure violation. Maybe a new court opinion you know nothing about concerning inheritance and marital property. Don't be stupid. Don't brag. Speaking your business to your financial enemy…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 05:16 AM
13

Here’s a thought. The next time she tries this fake friend bullshit in front of others, call her out to her face. In front of others. And go for MAXIMUM embarrassment. For example, when she pulls this nonsense, you could say the following: “Why are you pretending to be my friend in front of these people? Just last week you sent me a letter threatening me for more money, just the latest in the dozens of legal threats you’ve made against me. I’m tired of this facade and now I intend to call it out…
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/25 04:23 PM
1

Yeah, my comment was more directed at others. Wishing you luck. If she’s honorable, you could file an “Amended Stipulation” and the judge will sign it. I fear, however, the condo term you disprove of, she put it in there intentionally. You’ll soon find out. Let’s assume she refuses to fix the error. You then need to pull your state/jurisdiction case law to see what qualifies as a valid contractual mistake that the courts can unwind, or otherwise modify. I’d be very careful about how you argue, “…
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/25 04:10 PM
3

Dude, get smart. You have to read every fucking line and sentence of anything you sign with an ex. Men, you cannot rely on a notary to interpret documents. They don’t give a fuck about what’s in them. A notary has only one job: signature verification and recording. That. Is. It. The notary confirms you signed document Y on date Z. You cannot rely on them for anything else. If you don’t understand this, then don’t sign a goddamn thing until you have your attorney’s approval. Men need to get MUCH …
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/25 03:52 PM
2

I have an idea. Develop a rapport with an adult massage therapist. See someone once, let her do her thing. If you click, see this person a few times. It's very safe, you're not doing much other than receiving an adult massage, and that should help with your connection requirement. This also will help break down any barriers you perceive to getting back out there with dating.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 04:40 AM
4

More kids = more likely to divorce, in your situation. Offspring are marital poison.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 06:44 AM
1

This is, indeed, a bigger problem. Perhaps your marriage is at an end.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/25 06:09 AM
1

I have an entirely different take. Do you get along with your wife? Is she good to you? Sex okay? If yes, then let her sleep alone at night. This is more common than you may think. In fact, if you do some research, you'll see countries where it is common for people to sleep in adjacent, but separate, mattresses in the master bedroom. I think in Sweden, or Denmark, they use separate sets of covers so that they don't wake the other person when moving while sleeping. Or even sleep in separate bedro…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 10:08 AM
1

Find an AI chatbot. Far more real than these fake women.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 04:55 AM
6

The hard facts. The unvarnished truth.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 04:55 AM
3

In all seriousness, see professionals. Some can be wonderful and, compared to the time waste and cost of dating, apps, travel, events, seeing a genuine, well-mannered pro is both a lot more fun and much cheaper in terms of time expended and in currency. If you do a little bit of research, you will see this is growing rapidly, likely a result of the horrendous dating market and "online" dating that both men and women hate. There is no shame in it. In fact, for many areas of the world, this is leg…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 02:36 AM
6

Good news. If you are not the biological parent, you have NO responsibility for the kid -- even if married. There will be no child support, and no responsibility, so long as you did not adopt. The biological parents are always and forever "on the hook" until the child reaches the age of majority. Also, never marry. Never, ever have kids.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 02:22 AM
11

It is over. Keep photos. Proceed directly to divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/25 08:03 AM
1

but she's worried that she's going in to it with her mind already made up. ... nor do I wish to hear that the marriage is already dead and that I should move on and start the process myself. Maybe you need to hear it. Don't waste your time and money on "marriage counseling." It nearly always ends in failure, even in better situations. Your status is flashing in red, "Over. Over. Over." Make no mistake, her mind IS made up. Period. She's simply soft-pedaling the impending divorce. When a female f…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 08:42 AM
3

I assumed all debt from our relationship WHY?
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 08:00 AM
3

Fight. Sling mud back. Truthful mud.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 05:34 AM
15

You’re focused on nonsense. Get your divorce DONE. Get the asset split, property, and any spousal support locked down. Get it to a judge. Make sure an order is issued dissolving your marriage and your terms are accurate. Her attitude or “accountability“ are totally irrelevant. Why? Because very soon, this person will be a legally separate adult, to whom you owe nothing — not even your attention. IF you do your dissolution correctly. Once it is all done, shitcan her contact info. Block her on eve…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 01:58 PM
9

I wish you had proceed with divorce a decade ago. You'd be so far ahead. A lesson for other readers. If you know it's time to end a terrible marriage, end it. End it now.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 09:41 AM
7

Divorce. Immediately. Listen close: you are married only a year and a few months. Also sounds like no kids. This is excellent. It means no child support, and likely no spousal support, or at most a few months (but probably not). File. File for divorce. You have a lot of red flags, none of which are likely to get better. This relationship has run its course; your marriage imploded in just over a year. You are lucky you weren’t married ten years. You could be looking at years of spousal support, a…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 04:53 AM
10

It is better.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 02:56 AM
6

Exactly this. Have fun. All this deep relationship stuff is mostly bullshit. It’s exceedingly rare you find a reliable, trustworthy life partner. Especially today.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 06:08 PM
2

You will. Read some posts here and elsewhere. You will find rational, intelligent males who honestly confide that their professional sexual relationships are some of their most honest, open and truthful relationships with any female. That says something. And as I say, many other societies figured this out decades and centuries ago.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 02:09 AM
8

Step on the divorce accelerator. I am serious. Get it done now. Get this hypocrite out of your life. She doesn’t give a shit about ”being” with you; she simply doesn’t want you happy or frolicking with anyone else. Get the divorce done NOW.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 02:05 AM
8

I am going to be straight. See professionals. Establish a semi-regular schedule with one or two. Because this is your priority (which is entirely appropriate), follow this advice. First, you decide who you want to see, when you want to see them, and you can really focus in on your needs. Most “dating” is an utter, absolute waste of time and effort on overweight, low-skilled TikTokers who think far too highly of themselves. Second, in all “normal” relationships, the sex dies. It just does. It wil…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 01:54 AM
6

Embrace peace, quiet, no more nagging and fights from the ex.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 05:45 PM
15

Push through. Sounds like she isn’t getting everything she wants via the divorce process. Now is the time for you to step on the accelerator and get it done. More generally, she filed. Women do not file for divorce until they’ve thought about it long and hard, and put together a future that zeroes out the ex. Do what you want, but, I would never, ever trust a wife who initiated divorce against me. You cannot unfire that cannon. Also, read many of the stories by people who started to divorce, bac…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 09:43 AM
2

Will you stop wasting valuable time and resources on this manipulative, vindictive person? File. For. Divorce. Your life will be much improved when the massive weight of her nagging, complaining, and empty threats are eliminated from your life.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 09:49 AM
6

Your marriage is over. File for divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 09:46 AM
2

Canada? I hope your marriage wasn’t long. And your ex is gainfully employed. We’ve seen some atrocious opinions out of Canada, with the laziest, most unworthy ex-spouses legally stealing the hard work of the more productive spouse. Search the forums here and elsewhere. Better educate yourself. Maybe you will be perfectly fine. Probably will be. But you need to take an entire weekend and do a deep dive on your jurisdiction’s laws and judicial opinions to understand the range of outcomes.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 07:06 AM
15

Approach it? No, you do not. You leave it. You let it be. Your ex is now a totally separate adult — legally as well as romantically. Stay out and stay away. Focus on the kids’ well being. Do not engage with the slovenly hoarder. It will be an automatic loss, and you will have been very dumb to attempt any corrective advice or action.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 07:02 AM
4

How? The modern basis of marriage in the western world is bullshit. Total bullshit. Marriage today is only about asset split, custody, child support, and alimony. In any western country, look at the statutes governing marriage and divorce. It’s all no-fault (which I agree with), and custody, assets, monthly payments. Exactly what you found out and are dealing with. This is the modern marriage contract. So, take note boys. Vows? Worthless. Honesty? Irrelevant. Hard work vs lazy? Doesn’t matter. Y…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 07:10 PM
14

Going about this all wrong. You control what you can control. Your ex? Put her on ignore as much as you can. Disregard just about everything she says and does. You must forge a brand new life — and the ex has no place in it. You must make her irrelevant. As for other people, another harsh truth, but you need to hear it. No one cares. No one wants to hear about your divorce, your fights with your ex, or her lies. This is especially true for men — they have more important things to do and to consi…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 06:57 PM
3

Tell us how it goes. In particular, how your case resolves. Good education for all readers.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 08:55 AM
18

If you were at the police station, there WILL be video cameras everywhere and they will have recorded this interaction. Subpoena the video. Do it. Also, a judge cannot order you to refrain from videoing in public. That sounds like a major First Amendment violation. Appeal the order. And no matter what, I’d continue to video record.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 08:55 PM
1

The truth is this: here we see the same stupidity over, and over, and over. Dudes don’t read the older posts. They don’t do research about marriage and divorce laws. They don’t read the documents in their own court cases. Many of these guys are simply too lazy to read, understand, and articulate a legally defensible position based on the laws and the facts in their particular case. We see it time and again, and you want to slam your head against a wall when you see the same stupid fucking bullsh…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 02:58 AM
3

Irrelevant. Just be sure the process server properly filled out the affidavit of service of process, and it was properly filed with the Court.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 09:34 PM
17

Her “shredding” service of process is totally irrelevant. Ignore it. Ignore her. Facts: the process server will file an affidavit of service with the Court. S/he will swear under oath, in writing, your ex was served with documents A, B, C, D. These will be the very same documents you filed with the Court to initiate divorce proceedings. The court has a copy in its official docket. You have a copy. Your ex has a copy. Your matter is now “at issue.” With your filing, and with the confirmation of s…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 09:30 PM
2

Nah. Just a different perspective. You’ll do fine, especially if you don’t buy into the hype of the letter crowd. It ain’t all roses in rainbow land; quite the opposite.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 09:17 PM
2

Don’t leave the house, even during divorce pendency. If you cannot agree on asset split, you either sell the house or buy her out, or she buys you out. Do not agree to any joint ownership or post-divorce split ownership plans. You must get comfortable with the prospect the house will be jettisoned and you need new arrangements.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 04:53 PM
6

The “loud and proud … support groups” is, in truth, overrated. Yes, they are loud in “social media” and the occasional march. But let me tell you, after the clicks, after the likes, after the pomp and circumstance, when home alone or going through daily life, the gloss is off. Way off. The snark, the posturing, the drama among these groups can be high. Also, even one minute of research will confirm the following: divorce rates among female-female pairings are by far the highest among groups anyw…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 04:44 PM
3

Why are you wasting time with this person? If she’s not down, move on. Fast. The friendzone = massive waste of your time and conscience effort. Just move on. Now.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 04:15 PM
1

So true. As I said separately, used furniture, bedroom sets, and kitchen utensils and appliances are just about worthless. No one wants this shit. No one. Consignment stores don’t want to take it. Not even auction estate sales want to sell it in bulk — they ask the families to hire a refuse bin and throw it away, which actually saves money. Things that have value: precious metals and coins. Some real jewelry and real precious gems (diamond, ruby, sapphire, emeralds). Real and true silver kitchen…
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 06:07 AM
2

Beds. Furniture. Kitchen utensils and machines. The used value of this stuff is close to zero. Truly. Used household items are basically worthless. Most consignment and goodwill stores don’t even want this stuff, especially furniture. It costs more to store and sell than any minimal profit generated from the sale. No one wants this shit used. No one. What’s more, you can make a trip to IKEA or Wal*Mart and outfit a basic apartment very cheaply. A few hundred bucks goes a long way in IKEA and Wal…
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 06:02 AM
2

Let me greatly simplify this for you. First, file for divorce. Just file. Try to get it wrapped up cleanly, fairly efficiently. NO financial entanglements post-divorce. No joint ownership of anything. No joint debt. Nothing. File. Serve. Have your end game and negotiatiNG pointo spelled out and understood within a couple weeks. If you can resolve the divorce amicably, settle. If the ex-spouse is unreasonable, fight and go to trial. Never ever agree to a bad or unfair deal; it will haunt you for …
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 08:42 AM
3

The ex has a point. Bigger picture: she’s out. You’re in the house. Could argue that you live there, she doesn’t, so you pay the bill. She did you a big favor, in that you’re not fighting over temporary possession and TROs — that alone could cost you tens of thousand of dollars and be extremely contentious. Recognize you are fortunate this is not the case. Further, in a divorce, the house carrying costs are NOT worth fighting over. Put the house up and sell it — fast. Fast. If you hire lawyers a…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 04:51 AM
6

This is precisely why so many times we advocate for fathers to FIGHT. Go to trial. Roll the dice on a favorable — or at least reasonable — outcome. It happens. And never, ever agree to unreasonable or unfair demands.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 02:58 AM
9

Be very thankful you have no children, and the marriage is under ten years. You avoided the twin howitzers of child support and potential lifetime alimony (in some states). Learn from this. Never get married again.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 02:55 AM
8

Fight. Go to trial. Never ever give in. Make her pay everything that is fair.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 10:32 AM
8

Fight. And never trust a word this female says. She is now your opponent, and nothing more.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 07:58 AM
3

What initial advice, from your lawyer, did you fail to accept?
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 05:51 PM
1

File ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 08:42 AM
7

Never get married again, unless you are certain you’ve found a five-star diamond whose loyalty will never be questioned (very rare).
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 05:15 PM
8

Your lock boxes suck. Or your code security does.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 05:54 AM
6

This is a rare case where the ex-spouse may be right. No, I do not think this will make you “look worse.”
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/24 08:27 PM
2

You may like Panama. Some will speak English, usually great weather, nice waterfront locations, reasonably priced, good food, safe. Country benefits from the shipping traffic and jobs, as well as only a northern and southern border, protected by ocean on all sides.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 11:58 PM
2

Totally illegal. First step, see if your signature was forged on the HELOC paperwork.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 03:42 AM
3

You need excellent legal counsel to retain 100% ownership of your house. If the asset wasn't commingled, and acquired before marriage, you need to be very careful about appraisals, and anything else. Get a good, aggressive lawyer who pays attention to the details. You need to zero this person out. With a six-year marriage and no kids (huge bonus for you), you have a reasonable chance of limiting the financial damage -- and that's ALL divorce is about. Money, property, finances. And I'd use her n…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 02:43 AM
1

Welp. West Virginia is one of the states with permanent alimony. It joins the ranks of places like Connecticut, Oregon, and New Jersey. But now you need to hear from someone with actual knowledge and experience in West Virginia. Need to know how likely is a permanent award, what “permanent“ means, what amounts, and how difficult to end permanent alimony if awarded. Time to drill down and get some informed opinions. Be prepared for the fact you may be in for an extended period of writing checks. …
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 08:28 AM
1

Yes. What state? And does that state permit or allow lifetime alimony? California: generally very bad (lifetime court jurisdiction, court can adjust alimony indefinitely, CA FC 4336. Lifetime jurisdiction = automatic if marriage lasted 10 years. Could literally be a lifetime of court battles unless court ends alimony at some point in the future). Florida: was very bad until recent alimony reform. Texas, reasonably fair and decent outcomes. New Jersey and Massachusetts, usually pretty bad, courts…
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 08:08 AM
3

>> worked as a social worker for the few years at the beginning of our 18 year marriage. If in the United States: a “good“ state, likely six to ten years of alimony. A “bad” state, lifetime alimony. Could be on the hook until you retire, or worse, until you die, she dies, or she formally remarries. Strong possibility of lifetime alimony in bad state, as ten years of marriage could be enough to impose an “lifetime” obligation, and you are nearing double. “Lifetime” is jurisdiction-specific, varie…
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 07:53 AM
2

I disagree with your lawyer. Get ahead of this. Chain of custody, what? This isn’t a criminal case. The records you seek are business records and you can request them or subpoena them. Yes, I absolutely would start working on the affidavit, it sounds like a great idea to me. It takes time to get the affidavit executed, and it won’t happen overnight. You are right to be concerned about what may be a lackadaisical approach to your case. Proactive is always better than reactive in litigation.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 03:27 PM
3

Bro, get a lawyer. And fight for a fair financial split. It’s already headed that way. Better move fast before she tries to sell the house and cut you out of your fair equity share.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 06:01 AM
12

Absolutely not. In fact, the courts will expect no direct client to client contact. They expect each litigant to interact via their respective lawyers/counsel. What's more, it's a breach of ethics for a lawyer to contact the other side's client. So, absolutely not. The courts will expect you to NOT interact with the adverse party directly.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 01:58 AM
14

No question. Finalize the divorce. As fast as you can, with the very best deal you can achieve. Or trial.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 01:55 AM
9

Excellent response. Stay out of it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 08:19 PM
2

You made the correct decision.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 03:13 PM
8

It should be. Commingle NOTHING. And file quickly. At under three years, any alimony should be close to zero. File fast. You want to be able to say the marriage was “two years and eight months“ or whatever it is. File. Fast. As for the kid, no child support. If you are not the bio father, no responsibility. Don’t agree to ANY child support. That kid is not your problem. Activate divorce swiftly and cleanly. Now. Now. Now. Get moving ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 07:24 PM
2

They are trying to set you up. Be very careful. Record everything. You have enemies in your own house.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 12:05 PM
1

Why is her mail arriving at your home? Tell her to change it, fast. If she doesn’t, you are going to “return to sender” it all.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/24 07:05 AM
2

What to know? Monogamy is dead. So are the religious dictates.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/24 06:00 PM
1

You are absolutely entitled to sell the house and split the equity. Do so. Ignore her threats. They are total bullshit.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/24 05:54 PM
2

I lost him in compromise after compromise, not the kind, accommodating acquiescence that limits relationship turbulence. I postured, then submitted weakly, femininely, to her masculine power, preferring to avoid the battlefield and the emotional damage. If I fought her masculine with my own, the mutual wounding would scar us both, hastening divorce to dodge the draft and avoid combat. Caving to demands seemed the only option, but the coward’s death is just as certain, merely dragged out like a t…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 12:32 AM
4

my wife (of 13 years) .... For reference, we're a single income household. She does a little bit of freelance work (writing/editing) that typically brings in a few thousand dollars a year.... We have two kids (6, 2). Screwed.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 12:28 AM
5

See a professional outside the home. Seriously.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/24 11:04 AM
0

Im thinking about just biting the bullet, and withdrawing about 200k from my IRA (about 80% of the balance), and just eating the taxes + penalties to be free of her. This absolutely is the wrong move. Not only that, there are ways the IRA can be split to avoid taxes + penalties owed by you. But your retirement account = more valuable than the house. You have a liquid investment account that's appreciating tax free. Liquid investments in tax-advantaged accounts are are top tier assets, and they e…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/24 11:02 AM
1

Do not go to the event. Put an end to the charade.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 11:55 PM
18

but I do not see how I could ever bear to be around her or talk to her after this process. If she wants me out of her life, that is what I would give her. 100% correct. You neither need, nor want, this person as your "friend." Nor acquaintance. Entirely appropriate. Move on fully and completely. Entirely appropriate. Many do exactly this.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 02:03 PM
2

Is this entire settlement offer a distraction to keep us from preparing for trial? It absolutely could be. Can they withdraw offer last minute, leaving my lawyer with no time to write trial briefs? Yes. Could happen. Settlement negotiations are confidential. And trial judge would be completely in the right to deny any continuance request and demand you proceed with trial at your appointed day and time for trial. When it comes to things like Congress and the courts, including trials and settlemen…
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 12:00 AM
3

Because the audio quality for most video hearings and conferences is total shit. Total. Shit. Unless everyone is using a solid wired ethernet connection, and people are using wired headsets, the quality is fucking terrible. Second reason -- the judge can't simply cut you off when face-to-face. You can approach the court, the other side, introduce exhibits more easily, etc. There are many advantages to being in court, feet from the judge, with the other side to your right or left.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 12:48 PM
1

The one year period has been up for a while. Then WHY haven't you filed for divorce? It is critically important to get this filed. You need a divorce petition to be filed. Then you will have an official court document where you identify the separation date. Your filing will have a date and time stamp. You'll have an official court docket. You will have an indisputable court record of divorce, which will protect you and your assets from further commingling claims. Get your shit on file. Now. Not …
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/24 10:28 AM
1

If we divorce per SSI rules she gets half of my SSI monthly payment when I apply. She has requested I make up for the difference in SSI payments over 30 years which is a huge amount of money. This is entirely wrong. Social Security is not a marital asset; it cannot be divided. I say again, social security is NOT a marital asset. Nor will you ever be required to "make up" the difference. Now, upon your death, your spouse may be entitled to spousal benefits, but it is the Social Security Administr…
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/24 10:19 AM
4

Fight this until the end. Never agree to pay this. Never. Go to trial, you are almost certain to win. If you don't win, appeal. Never surrender. Never.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/24 10:12 AM
1

Proceed with divorce. If one’s spouse is so blindingly naive, childish and stupid as to melt down over a federal office holder — you need to end your partnership with the delusional. PS, when Q-anon was more prominent, females said the exact same thing about males who were losing sanity due to Q.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 05:26 PM
1

That monthly dog food bill is more than some couples spend on human food (esp. if the humans don’t buy expensive junk food / deserts).
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 05:06 PM
2

You could do this, yes. It is a viable path. To those opposed, let me tell you something. Visit some female-centered or female-only subs and cites. If you read carefully, they are ALL IN on planning a divorce years in advance, opening secret accounts, and filling it with secret and concealed cash transfers. The justification is “financial abuse” and the “patriarchy.” Don’t say this does not exist. It absolutely does. Either you haven’t been looking long enough, or you are unable to understand th…
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 03:56 AM
27

Your wife is an idiot. And using politics as an excuse — an excuse to— to justify divorce. Don‘t put up with this bullshit. Proceed with divorce. Embrace your blood family.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 04:54 PM
8

Boy, it's amazing how much you lost gambling at local casinos. (Meanwhile, keep your cold crypto wallet on your person at every moment.)
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 12:21 AM
7

I can't imagine It doesn't matter whether you can. She's a fully separate adult now. You don't have to imagine anything for this person. but I'll be thinking about her situation for a while Consider directing your consciousness to more fruitful endeavors.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/24 11:08 PM
8

You can do it. Get a cheek swab from the kids. Then do your own. Send it in, look at the results. These are your purported children, and this is your right as a purported biological parent to confirm whether these offspring are, in fact, your biological progeny. It is your right. And given the significant amount of paternity fraud, it is entirely appropriate. Have the results either emailed to an account only you control, or mailed to a location where your wife cannot intercept and shred it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/24 11:05 PM
1

A lot of wisdom here.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 08:30 AM
5

Hard no. Never agree. You can very credibly argue it is illegal for you to try and keep a non-spouse on your health insurance. Draw a line. Tell the other side you are going to trial if they fail to drop the request, because you will never agree.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 08:25 AM
4

No clear answer. Frankly, with a toddler, nine year relationship, she smokes a little to get in the mood — sounds better than a lot of marriages, frankly. And if she is cooking for you, that’s nice too. Plus, the older you get and the longer the marriage goes on , it really does become a partnership. Think it will be different with someone new? It will at first. But similar patterns will emerge as the years tick by. Maybe you could change some things up. Send her to visit family alone for a few …
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 08:26 AM
5

Hope you did well in the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/24 10:45 PM
6

Listen to me close: get on the fucking phone with your lawyer now. NOW. Tell that lawyer he needs to tell the other side, and the court, you no longer accept the settlement. And put it in writing. Now. The key part is how you inform the court. Some jurisdictions allow lawyers and parties to submit a “letter brief” to the court. Some courts provide a public email address where written correspondence can be sent to your particular court and judge. Maybe none of this is available in your jurisdicti…
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 08:43 PM
1

Seek a divorce. Sounds like you two aren't compatible. Also, not that it matters, but I lean towards your wife's point-of-view. Pets are destroying the house? Gone. Litter box filled with shit and piss? Gone. Kids? No way in hell am I raising offspring in the current era. I would simply refuse to reside in a home with pets pissing and shitting everywhere, animals ripping up furniture, and a flat out "no" to becoming a biological parent. No. So, one thing you could do is get rid of all the pets, …
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/24 10:08 PM
3

If this was signed off by a judge 3.5 years ago -- i.e., a final order docketed with the court -- it is highly, highly likely she is going to lose. And lose quickly.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/24 10:03 PM
2

Be very careful. If she starts paying health insurance, she or the state may come after you for more child support. Now, none of us know if that is truly the case, or whether it will happen. Talk to your lawyer. Don't do SHIT until you have a very solid understanding of what this change means. A full, complete understanding from someone who KNOWS.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/24 07:44 AM
1

I’m drafting the divorce settlement agreement This is your first mistake. A court-ordered divorce decree can affect you for years, maybe even decades. You better get legal counsel because, at a five year marriage with joint tax returns, you better know how to separate everything and ensure there are no financial entanglements post-divorce. wife very likely requires alimony. This is your second mistake, and another big one. What your wife "requires" is irrelevant. What does matter are the statute…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 04:43 AM
8

Your marriage is over. It’s so over. She doesn‘t even want to see you, or be in your presence. Take the hint. Understand the message. She doesn’t want or care about your good qualities. She doesn’t care about the past. IT. IS. OVER. That is all there is to understand.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/24 03:33 PM
1

Divorce immediately. No kids means no child support. Very short marriage means ZERO spousal support. This alone is an enormous victory. It’s akin to winning the gold medal in the divorce Olympics. Listen to this close: get the fuck out of this marriage. Now. The damage will be so minimal. If you wait years, you’re going to incur financial penalties that will make your head explode. Divorce. Now. No counseling. No relationship. Allow a divorce lawyer to navigate the real estate issue. But that’s …
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/24 12:37 PM
5

Good news: four year marriage. Divorce NOW. IMMEDIATELY. Spousal support will be zero or low, for a year or two at most, and likely less. Great news: you have zero obligation to support the children. If you didn’t adopt, biological father is on the hook. No adult has any obligation to support stepchildren. This responsibility remains with bio parents. Get moving on this divorce. Fast.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/24 12:45 PM
3

I can serve her myself to safe money. No. A party to an action cannot validly effectuate service, it needs to be someone over the age of 18, and not a party to the action. This requirement can be found right in your service of process statute, and likely also in the local rules of court, if you are in the United States. You are a party. You cannot serve an opposing party.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/24 03:30 AM
2

Not bad at all.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/24 02:17 AM
1

I had her sign a separation agreement, gave her a good amount of cash Was this filed with the court? Do you have a final dissolution order, docketed with the court and signed off by a judge? If not, you fucked up. We were at the last part of the online divorce being it was finalized and she sent me an email stating she wants more money because she knows the property I own appreciated during our marriage. How many times have we said here, procedure really matters? Having a divorce petition filed …
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 07:43 PM
6

I would refuse. This is not your son's call. You became separate independent adults upon divorce. Leave it there.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 11:40 AM
1

Your marriage is over. Over. Accept it. Proceed directly to divorce. And force her to get a job.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 12:33 PM
3

OK. OK. Thank the f-ing heavens, it sounds like you may have quality counsel. That is huge. Divorce is essentially a business negotiation. Assets, child support, spousal support, and the big one for you, custody. That's it. That's what the statutes address. That is all the court will care about. Approach divorce with ruthless military precision. Loose lips sink ships, right? So, only communicate that which is absolutely necessary. And no more. Look up "grey rock," especially here in this subredd…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 12:34 PM
4

You're going about this all wrong. All wrong. You need to stop this utterly ridiculous childish sniping. And stop with the Shakesperean texts and whining. Sending these bullshit texts like you're on the Real Housewives. Go back and read all that text message crap. It's beyond ridiculous. Why are you doing this? Your. Ex. Does. Not. Give. A. Fuck. What. You. Say. She doesn't care. Only one thing is going to make her care: a trial date, and enforceable court orders. Period, end of story, and shoul…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 12:22 PM
11

See a professional on the side. Not joking. Especially if you otherwise get along. See a damn professional, just do it. And don’t think it will be better after divorce. First, the “market” is chock full of reprehensible gold diggers, landwhales, and hygiene-challenged pigs with tats and piercings everywhere. Worse, you’ll be a recent divorcee with two young kids. That will repel most quality women — and this is the truth. Chicks today don’t want a life with your kids or your ex-wife. If roles we…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 02:24 AM
2

It is highly likely you will do much better at trial. Go for it. Keep your requests sane and within the guidelines. You will win.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 02:12 AM
2

Frankly, I’d sell. Rings are the worst because of sizing issues, which really limits resale targets. Bracelets, necklaces, and watches are much easier because links can be added or removed, and clasps easily replaced. Sell them. Even online you will not get much more. And the pawn shop is taking a risk, as those bands could sit there for a year before they sell with a small markup. Yup, of all jewelry, I hate rings the most by far. They are the biggest ripoff in the industry. And the outrageous …
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 02:09 AM
1

Cut and paste this into every generic question that gets posted here. Most people posting for the first time need to spend a week — not a day, a week — searching and reading the wealth of knowledge from months and years past. Especially true of the judicial system, which changes at a glacially slow pace.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 02:01 AM
6

What can I do? If it were me, I'd live like a fucking monk. Not joking. I'd cut every fucking thing to the bone, and then I'd start debt snowballing. Paying off either the smallest things first, or, paying off debts that are secured or have recourse back to you. Eliminate the small shit or the most dangerous shit debt. Wipe out the small stuff. Then, you put all your effort into eliminating the remaining big debts. You can knock out the credit card debt pretty quickly. If you can live with a sib…
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 11:29 AM
3

Most of that stuff likely doesn't matter. For investment and bank accounts -- in truth, the only things most people will care about -- you can set a "pay on death" beneficiary or designee.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 11:23 AM
1

In terms of the actual debts, I assume I'll be taking the CC debt, personal loan, and paying her share of equity in the house. Maybe 30k worth of equity? Why would you “assume” this? Why?
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 06:34 PM
3

I'm quite OK with a committed long term thing You better research the fuck out of your jurisdiction. As the prior responses say, some states/provinces/jurisdictions will “recognize” a long-term relationship, or a “committed” relationship, and force an asset split. No marriage, no contract, but they will take your money all the same. Washington State is a good example. So is the entire country of Canada, which has some punitive cases on long-term relationships.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 06:30 PM
1

Ask for it. If the judge wants to make things “look even,” he can deny your CS request but give you other things you are demanding.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 07:51 AM
5

So the other half of me is trying to fight to “save” my marriage so I won’t be poor This is the wrong answer. It will fail.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 11:03 AM
6

Give it two years, maybe three. Then see how you feel about it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 12:31 AM
3

outright in lieu of child support Major fail. You cannot -- cannot -- waive, avoid, or contract away your responsibility to pay child support. And guess what, it may not even depend on what your ex-spouse says. The state itself could come in, intervene in your case, and file a motion demanding you pay child support, especially if the ex spouse falls on hard times or otherwise avails herself of any public aid or assistance. That will be an automatic, slam-dunk win -- the Court won't even give a s…
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 09:33 PM
0

Consider living childfree. It's life on cheatcode. No responsibility to the educational/medical/childrearing industrial complex. No annoying schools, or colleges. Jet on a moment's notice - and I do mean a moment. You could pack your suitcase right now and be out the door within an hour (and yes, we've done it). Time and choices are all yours, maximum optionality. I'd consider very, very carefully before procreating on this spinning rock. And watch lots of videos from people who said "no" to kid…
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 09:29 PM
5

Gopro. Wear it every moment you are in the presence of this liar.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 05:25 AM
2

for a two year marriage Thankfully, spousal support should be zero, or very close to it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 05:22 AM
6

Before I undertook divorcing her, I prepared for months, read many books, browsed fora and was extremely organized and prepared. I played smart and by the book. Anyone who is facing divorce, read this one hundred times.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 05:20 AM
3

^ This.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 03:47 AM
1

How big of a fight was it to have the pension proceeds split amicably?
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 03:46 AM
9

The only real success I see for men, are men who undercommit, and are prepared to walk away at a moments notice, i.e., Robert Deniro in Heat. Absolutely this. Be ready to walk on a moment's notice. This is the way.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 03:42 AM
12

File. File quickly. End it, move on.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 03:40 AM
2

Did you get back all the money she took/stole? How were the funds transmitted to you? Did you uncover secret bank accounts?
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 12:03 AM
15

Fuck that “deal.” Deferred sale? No way. No way. Force the sale, split the proceeds. NO FINANCIAL ENTANGLEMENTS post-divorce. Especially post-divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 11:58 PM
4

House have taxes too. Sales tax. Yearly property taxes — and depending on state, some can be sky high. Annual insurance. Monthly utilities. Maintenance. You left out a lot. A lot.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 11:56 PM
6

401K is superior. You are investing in the economy, new businesses, new technology, cash and money flows. You made the right choice. Also note, even the major indexes include and drop companies as the economy changes, grows, and technology develops. Organic growth and development. House just sits there. A house isn’t developing a fucking thing. It’s shelter, period. You also need to factor in all of the unavoidable expenses and fees. Right off the top, property taxes, insurance, and monthly util…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 11:51 PM
22

Dude, cancel the fucking counselor. It. Won't. Matter. Your marriage is over. OVER. Your "wife" doesn't give a fuck. She doesn't give a fuck about you. She also doesn't give a flying fuck about the "counselor." She wants to burn time and money at a bitch session -- so she can go right back to family and friends and tell them all about it. Telling anyone who will will listen what an idiot, simp, and revolting man-child you are. You know it. We know it. the whole point of our counseling is to impr…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 11:02 AM
2

Weren’t you married ten years! If not, how long was marriage, and how many years of spousal support? I hope both were very short.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 12:45 AM
7

Be honest. Let the chips fall. But, also be respectful, and try to secure the best deal you possibly can in divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 12:40 AM
8

One opinion: don't create unnecessary work. It's working just fine as is. No further rules or "solutions" are needed.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 10:45 AM
4

Sell the car. Sell it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 05:07 AM
7

Stop responding. Only thing posted is this nonsense, spammed around reddit. So obvious its r/thatHappened
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 01:29 PM
6

Dump it. You’ll be lucky to clear 50%, and don’t be surprised if it’s less. Jewelry resale value is horrendous.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 04:06 AM
16

Your marriage is over. And likely was over some time ago.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 03:33 AM
10

My first instinct was to go running over there to take care of her, but then I remembered that she didn't want me around anymore. I stayed home and didn't do a thing. If she needs help, her idiot boyfriend can go take care of her. This is the only logical, rational choice and response. Your response doesn't make you uncaring, or indifferent. Your ex-spouse chose another partner during your marriage. She engaged in a series of decisions, and choices, which confirm exactly what you wrote: "she did…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 09:14 PM
10

When a female wants "amicable" mediation, and agrees to pay a male spousal support for the required statutory period? Yes. That female spouse is hiding everything. Watch any video, listen to any discussion, by divorce lawyers concerning female versus male divorce perspectives. Males dislike spousal support. Females paying males spousal support? The women despise, abhor, loathe, hate and curse (literally) even the concept of it. The pushback is much, much stronger from women re spousal support. A…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 09:07 PM
11

and I now question whether she’s being fully transparent with her finances Answer: she's not. Your first enormous red flag: she agreed to pay spousal support. The only way any female would agree to that is she's making a killing via the other assets that you have a 50% interest in, including the house, retirement, bank accounts, money hidden, etc. She's got the loot on lock, she's got a new man -- all she needs to do is zero you out, legally, and it's smooth seas for her. Also, what about the ho…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 12:53 PM
1

Seriously, since it's been a while, retain the services of a professional. Just do it. Break the drought, don't be scared of it. Find someone who is nice, mature, and simply have a relaxing evening. You don't need a pr0n star.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 12:44 PM
1

Totally incorrect. If you miss a discovery deadline response, it could be a very significant problem. Including waiving any and all objections. Which is precisely what this guy needs to do, object. Don't take my word for it. Here are the consequences for missing an interrogatory response deadline in California: If a party to whom interrogatories are directed fails to serve a timely response, the following rules apply: (a) The party to whom the interrogatories are directed waives any right to exe…
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 11:36 AM
11

First, you need to look at your state or jurisdiction civil procedure rules. Look at the rules concerning interrogatories in particular, or discovery in general. In many jurisdictions, there are specific limits to the number of interrogatories one party can propound. For example, here is the limitation in federal court (not state, this won't apply to you): Rule 33 (1) Number. Unless otherwise stipulated or ordered by the court, a party may serve on any other party no more than 25 written interro…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 01:47 AM
4

and house furniture to smaller items like kitchenware and decor. This shit don't matter. Lawyers can bill hundreds of dollars per hour. If your lawyer is billing, and her lawyer is billing, likely within two or three hours, legal fees alone will exceed the used sale price of this junk. Cut a deal. Make it fast. Wrap up the divorce -- just make sure you're not fucking up on the big stuff that matters (meaning real estate, bank accounts, retirement accounts, child support, alimony). Furnishings? K…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 09:16 AM
2

^ This.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 09:10 AM
3

How did you lose $500k if you “called it off”?
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 06:55 AM
20

Abort. Do not marry. Abort. Do not marry. Abort. Do not marry. Abort. Do not marry. Abort. Do not marry. Abort. Do not marry. Abort. Do not marry. Abort. Do not marry. Abort. Do not marry.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 06:54 AM
9

No. Do not do this. Wait until totally finished.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 11:04 AM
11

Privately, cold crypto wallet. A bit more publicly, you had a spending problem, including legal gambling and alcohol, which you paid for in cash. Boy, look at all those ATM withdrawals at the local casino!
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 09:54 AM
35

> and she will get most of our retirement savings This will be an enormous mistake. Don’t do this, especially because a big house can be a financial liability (taxes, insurance, maintenance) until you sell and convert it to currency. Do not — not — simply fork over your productive assets. Scrap this plan, and get an equitable split of everything. Finally, I’d shitcan this fantasy of being best friends post-divorce. Divorce is a cold, money-driven relationship severing. After you have your divorc…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 09:50 AM
6

End mediation. Trial date.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 11:04 AM
3

File immediately. File ASAP. At only two years married, financial damage will be minimal. She may not even get alimony. But don’t delay. Every month that ticks by, the worse it gets for you. Especially with an unemployed spouse. If you let this linger for years, you will get hammered.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 08:24 AM
7

Push for settlement or trial. END IT. Get the best deal you can, get it now.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 07:00 AM
2

You will go to bed at night and you won't be able to shut off your mind. Suggestion. Try a THC-CBD gummy, a mild sleeping variety. They work great for quieting the thoughts, helping you sleep. And none of the after-effects of more powerful sleeping narcotics and prescriptions. You want 10mg THC, Delta 8 variety. This is a fairly pedestrian gummy and dose; it's not strong or powerful like many others. We like Doozies Marionberry, make sure you get the 10mg THC + 5mg CBN per gummy. Not too strong,…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 06:54 AM
3

Congratulations on filing. Plainly, you wanted to do it years, maybe even decades, ago. You will live out your remaining years much happier, and with a lot more peace and quiet. It'll be great when you are done.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 06:48 AM
1

James Sexton interview.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 11:14 AM
7

Save everything. Save the messages. Save the texts. Save the tickets. Get the records. Even the loan co-sign, if you can find it. Save it all, put it away in a little file folder or document bag, safe and secure. I don't care if the judge later says these materials are irrelevant. If your ex moves again for a modification, you put all of this into a filing, i.e. your affidavit. You tell the court your ex is an illegal motorist who disregards the states laws. You tell the court she's looking to i…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 12:36 AM
4

Shared initial finance details and proposed spousal support with STBX. Dude, you better check into this before you agree to this proposal. With only 2.5 years of marriage, it is unlikely she is entitled to anything more than very minimal spousal support. In many states, the ex-spouse would get absolutely nothing. Spousal support: denied.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 08:48 AM
5

Is there any legal motion I can file to prevent her from accessing records from after the divorce? Absolutely yes. You need to file objections. File an opposition to their motion. And you need it to be on time or you will lose by default. You also can seek a protective order, and also try to quash the subpoena. Bottom line, there are multiple offensive and defensive measures you can take. But you need to move now, quickly, be on time, and assert all the proper legal arguments. Getting bank recor…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 08:46 AM
1

This is absurd. You have no moral problem with dissipating assets — with the stated objective of spending to match your wife’s spending. Yet you do have a moral problem with spending on gold or crypto? C’mon man. It doesn’t matter, precisely because the end result is the same: in either case, your wife will be denied a split of these funds. No matter whether “spent” or “saved.”
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 05:07 PM
3

Crypto. Crypto. Crypto. Cold storage wallet. This is the answer.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 01:06 PM
8

Do what the British did when they cracked Enigma: they fed the Third Reich plausible disinformation. Bits, dribs, and drabs. It turned the tide of war. It may also turn the tide of your divorce. But don't give her good information, oh no. I would make up some truly outrageous, slanderous, truly unbelievable bullshit. Let her drop that BS in court filings. But you've got to be clever, as well as be able to prove what you said was a total lie and you said it to catch her in a trap.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 08:51 PM
2

This is truly horrendous advice. Ignore this, and in fact, do the exact opposite. She needs to feel heard. Bullshit. HE needs to get quality counsel, understand the marriage is over, and treat the divorce purely as a business decision. Her opinions, her thoughts, her feelings are irrelevant. The marriage is over. The marriage is over.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 02:49 AM
1

So my wife and i have been married 4 years This is your best fact, right here. Spousal support should be either zero, or very minimal, maybe a year. File now. File now. File for divorce NOW. Stop the bleeding. Go on offense. Light that fuse, stop the marital asset accrual.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 02:47 AM
0

I made the mistake of grudgingly agreeing to her terms in the separation agreement Why. Why would you do this? It's such a rookie mistake.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 02:41 AM
2

I had zero clue she was recording every interaction in pursuit of a PPO and full custody Your ex is a duplicitous snake. I'd never speak to that witch again.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 01:44 AM
13

i told her i don't want alimony or her 401k which i am entitled to half. This is really, really going to matter in ten, twenty years if there are appreciable assets in the retirement account, or you are entitled to support payments. Dumbest decision you could make. DUMB.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 08:00 PM
9

Additional context: Divorce should be finalized in 1-2 months. Get the divorce done first. Get it signed, finalized, ordered -- and wait for the appeal period to expire. Then post this shit if you want to. But your number one priority is getting the best divorce deal you can, in the shortest possible time, with the least aggravation. So don't fuck up while on the one yard line. At the same time I think it would be helpful for others in my circles to hear more about what happened, and my sincere …
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 09:49 AM
2

Good. A fair percentage of Americans are morbidly obese, and American females are leading the way. Unhealthy lifestyles, unhealthy eating, total lack of mobility, and thus zero initiative. This is not a superficial analysis. It matters.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 07:15 AM
13

Never ever get married again. Never.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 07:09 AM
7

Exactly right. How many times have we had to tell people posting here, "File now. File immediately." I do not understand those individuals who say they are going to divorce in a "few years." What? You've just added months, maybe years, to your alimony pay period, as well as increased the damage from the asset split.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 07:05 AM
3

Why would you wait two or three years to proceed with divorce? You're going to owe your ex-spouse a lot more money -- more spousal support, possibly a more punitive asset split, more taken from your retirement. Stupid plan. Stupid. If the marriage is over, file now. Stop the bleeding, stop the damage, stop future punitive financial assessments.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 01:44 AM
3

This is like the warning message from Three Body Problem: "Do not marry. Do not marry. Do not marry."
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 08:03 AM
3

Get the test done. Do it. Don't make a huge mistake of going decades without knowing whether you are the biological parent.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 09:24 AM
2

You can find some nice oceanfront places on the Atlantic side of Florida. Get something either on or south of Daytona, all the way to the Keys if you want. Should be some affordable places, even in winter. And if you don't like the oceanfront prices, get an AirBnB that's maybe a block or two away from the beach -- this can cut the price in half, maybe even more, versus oceanfront.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 06:15 AM
14

When I see him briefly I give him the same energy he gives me, which is next to none. I'm amicable though. Proceed exactly as you have been. Barely acknowledge this person, and be amicable. That. Is. It. That is all. Totally ignore your ex's bullshit about being more "friendly" or "happy." Her boyfriends: neither your concern nor responsibility. Her fiance: neither your concern nor responsibility. Her future husband: neither your concern nor responsibility. Her life: neither your concern nor res…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 02:36 AM
6

Get a trial date. She won't be able to fuck around with the judge on a trial date.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 01:39 AM
1

Does South Carolina grant divorces based on marital fault? Yes. South Carolina recognizes (1) Adultery, (2) Habitual Drunkenness or Drug Use, (3) Physical Cruelty, and (4) Desertion.* Marital Fault is also a factor that may be taken into consideration in regards to equitable division of marital property and spousal support/alimony. *Desertion is rarely used as a ground for divorce since the parties must have lived separate and apart without cohabitation, just as is the requirement for a no-fault…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 01:36 AM
10

Do not agree to a bad deal. You likely will fair better at trial than you think.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 12:42 AM
9

I want her to acknowledge and genuinely accept This is never, ever going to happen. Hell, she very likely doesn’t care. You soon will be fully separate legal adults. Focus on you; ignore your ex to the greatest degree possible.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 01:00 PM
8

Time value of money. 300k now, invested wisely, will be worth a lot more in the future. Yes, worth fighting over. No question.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 12:34 PM
2

Eh, there definitely are females and males who don't want kids. They've known it forever. And there even are people who birth kids -- and then deeply regret the choice. Not everyone wants to breed.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 11:23 AM
1

Go to trial. Reject this deal.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 12:44 AM
2

The worst advice ever. Ignore this.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 12:42 AM
11

Proceed with divorce. Don’t part in birthing offspring. You’ll hate your life and despise waking in the morning. And, you’ll be divorced anyway, and will be forced to support a child you never wanted.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 12:41 AM
7

Understand: mediation is over. Legal war has been declared. Proceed accordingly. Manage your every thought, word, deed, emotion. It‘s going to take time to destroy the lies and bullshit. Be prepared. And start videotaping things with clear video and audio. A new GoPro with a 1TB card may be in your future.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 09:04 PM
1

Funny how no one told me how they really felt about her until the divorce. This is normal. At the time, that was your wife. Of course friends and family don't want to slam your spouse while they are face-to-face with you. It's your spouse, it's your life, and it is fair for them to assume she is, or was, who you wanted. Also fair for them to assume that if you wanted their advice on your spouse, you would directly ask for the unvarnished truth, no matter how negative.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 01:20 AM
3

File now. File for divorce immediately. A four year marriage will not result in a lot of alimony. At most two years, and likely less than that. Don't delay. Don't drag this shit out. Every year you remain married, the longer and more expensive your alimony payment is going to be.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 07:12 PM
3

How stupid, and yet so typical. The vastly superior way to deal with in-laws and spouse's family is this: I deal with my family, you deal with your family. No matter the problem, or issue, or anything; I'll speak with and handle mine, you speak with and handle yours. And this is how you handle everything. Literally everything with family and in-laws. Period, end of story, and never let these lines cross. This is the ultimate way in which to deal with families. That your ex-wife insisted on somet…
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 11:26 PM
4

Generally the asset split is calculated as of the date of separation, and/or the day you filed for divorce. That's generally. You'll need to look at your particular jurisdiction to see when the asset split cutoff accrues. Beyond that, you need to push for a trial date. Press for a trial date. If your spouse is unresponsive, you cannot force her or her lawyer to respond. But the court can indeed force them to prepare for trial. So, you need that trial date, and thereafter your order of dissolutio…
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 06:44 AM
16

Keep the fuck out of this bullshit. OUT. She's got a boyfriend, she's pregnant, friends are yammering in her ear. There are many ways you butting in can come back on you -- and none of them are good. Stop talking to her about it. Just stop.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 09:07 AM
6

Am I truly trapped? Yes. Canada is horrendous. It's unlikely you'll achieve a defined limit for alimony at this time, and in Ontario, child support won't end until the kids are 18. At least you're not in B.C., where child support continues until 19. Your case may take years to resolve, with some orders put in place now, and then spousal support being revisited years in the future -- maybe. You'll need to speak with a barrister who knows what's up in Ontario. Also, if you've been married for 20 y…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 09:04 AM
8

The longer you wait, the bigger your alimony obligation. If your marriage is over, the best time to divorce: immediately. Stop. The. Bleeding.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 08:47 AM
3

Your marriage = over.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 05:47 PM
8

Do NOT delay. File for divorce. Every month, every year you delay could be additional alimony you have to pay your ex-spouse. With only a four-year marriage, you should be good to go.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 05:46 PM
8

Screw her "realtor friend." You want an independent realtor not beholden to anyone. If the ex-wife won't agree, fight. File for a forced judicial sale. The court will side with you, 100% for certain.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 08:53 AM
1

I'm gearing up for a divorce early next year after 9 years of marriage. She filed for divorce February 2024 First, your post makes no sense. How can you be "gearing up" for a divorce, when you say your wife already filed for divorce earlier this year? Both of these statements cannot be true. Second, no matter the divorce status, why would you do something so stupid as to wait another six months to a year to "gear up" for divorce? Get smart and get serious. If you hit the ten-year marriage mark, …
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 08:48 AM
8

Get the fuck out of this hell. Separate NOW. File for divorce immediately. Immediately.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 08:39 AM
1

We've said it a million times: when getting divorced, NO financial entanglements. NONE. This means no joint accounts. No joint credit cards. No cars. No homes. No property. Nothing. No financial entanglements. None. No. Financial entanglements. All of your financial shit should have been split and sold pursuant to your divorce decree, and every financial issue quieted by your divorce decree. Now you have a problem and will need to most likely litigate to get it resolved, wasting more time and mo…
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 08:37 AM
7

I guess none of it meant anything afterall, and that despite all our lofty, high minded claims about the value and sanctity of familial bonds, ultimately we are all alone. This. This right here. When it comes to in-laws -- it's all bullshit. All of it. They don't give a fuck about you. They never did. And this is true for everyone on this planet.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 01:30 AM
1

I have tried to talk to my family and friends and honestly, nobody cares. This is the truth. No one does. Don't hold it against friends or family: they simply don't want to be enmeshed in your personal stuff. And even with your own friends or family, do you really want to know what's going on in their marriage? Or their divorce? The truth is, I don't want to know, either. I don't have the time, or the patience, to listen to it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 06:23 AM
1

This is a wonderful way to proceed. Keep it up. Never respond unless absolutely necessary, i.e. your children, or a life-and-death medical emergency.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 04:31 PM
5

Any party to divorce is wise to demand either compensation, or force the sale, of any joint property or real estate. We've said it here a thousand times: post-divorce, no financial entanglements. I don't care how good of an investment the property is. Joint-ownership with a divorced spouse = problems forever. Also, imagine the roles were reversed. Do you want to depend on your ex-spouse to ensure a house you co-own is maintained? What about property taxes -- do you want to be checking to make su…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 11:42 AM
8

Divorce is a business transaction. Period. All the rest of the shit people think is important, doesn’t matter at all. The corollary for many men is this: marriage also is a business transaction, when you get right down to it. A BAD business transaction.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 11:42 PM
7

Good job. You saw the con job in real time. Now, fight for a fair deal. Accept nothing less.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/24 02:17 PM
3

Why was it denied? It could simply be procedural: the court wants the other side to have an opportunity to read your filing, and file their response. This is very important, procedural due process, and courts are laser-focused on it. Don't be so sure you won't get the TRO after a full hearing.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 08:20 AM
6

Never take this thing back. Grey rock this witch. The only communication you should have are things material to the children, and even then, do it by text / email. And keep all your shit totally private from this ex. Tell her nothing. Absolutely nothing. Treat her exactly how she should be: a legally independent adult, having zero claim or interest on your time and your life.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 08:08 AM
3

GoPro Hero 12 black is $299. Very cheap. Here are the microSD cards compatible with the Hero 12 black. I just did a little reading, a 128 GB card (~ $17) could get you a couple hours of video, a 256 GB card (~ $36) double that. They even sell 1TB cards (~ $119); some estimates say the 1TB card would allow over 16 hours of video, very likely serious overkill for your needs. If it's me, I'm likely getting the 512 GB version for ~ $43. That's likely eight hours of footage, enough to record multiple…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 04:21 AM
9

Last week I happened to overhear her coaching my kids (10/13) how to say they are scared of me so that I will be forced to leave. You may want to type this out in a letter, sign it, date it, and send it to your lawyer. That way you can say you made a "contemporaneous writing" of the conversation you heard, which could also help you overcome a hearsay objection. Also, I'd strongly think about getting a GoPro Hero12 Black, or another late-model personal body camera. If she's willing to enlist the …
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 03:37 AM
16

Ive been a grey rock for weeks now. Continue. Your only divorce "job" now is to completely grey rock, reveal nothing, giver her nothing. And fight for the best possible resolution to your divorce, with the best terms you can achieve in your favor. Do not give in. Fight. If any of her proposals are unfair, fight. Go to trial if necessary. You will be living with the consequences for decades.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 03:32 AM
3

Divorce. Get out of this shit marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 03:56 PM
4

Crypto. Cash withdrawals at a casino, then re-deposit at an undisclosed institution, and then into your cold crypto wallet. Cold storage in your crypto wallet that you possess.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 03:17 PM
4

Your counsel is correct. Offers start getting negotiated at mediation, and generally not before. Sometimes this may even be better, if one side is unreasonable and the mediator right away sets them straight on likely outcomes. But you also are correct to be cynical. Is your ex reasonable? Maybe you can settle amicably, especially if the mediator can get both of you to agree to a fair deal. If your ex is unreasonable, it is likely to fail. What you do: set your expectations, and your limits, befo…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 03:03 PM
5

You can object. If the request is informal, informally object. If they send a formal request for production, you and your counsel formally respond with objections. Then they will need to move to compel.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 05:13 AM
2

Simply file for divorce. Your marriage ended a long time ago.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 10:14 PM
8

Stop mediating. Go to trial.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 10:10 PM
5

Wife kicked me out No, she did not. You cannot be removed from your marital home by your "wife." Unless she got a domestic violence temporary/permanent restraining order, you were not "kicked out." Stop saying this nonsense. I need proof she has a boyfriend. Do you? Divorce in all states is some form of no-fault. It is highly likely this will not matter at all. No one cares if she has a boyfriend, and this includes the courts and judges. They don't care.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 10:23 PM
3

Don't give an inch. Even if your ex is in a shelter or on the street -- leave her there. Their betrayal is their future.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 02:04 AM
1

what do I do when they're health severely declines and they eventually die. You do nothing. Ignore them. They don't give a shit about you. They are not your family. Fuck me dead, they didn't even respond to a Christmas message and they don't care whether you paid for their gifts. They. Do. Not. Care. Proceed accordingly.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 02:02 AM
13

I am profoundly disappointed in how little empathy they have shown and how easily they ate up the lies told about me. The hard truth: to them, your wife is blood. You are not. This makes all the difference. Another hard truth: outside your very closest family, spouse and/or friend(s), no one cares what happens to any of us, and our problems are our own. In-laws? Forget about it, they don't give a flying fuck. Truth.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 05:52 AM
9

If she's entitled to 50%, it's likely you either pay her out, or it's a forced judicial sale. If the roles were reversed, there's no way we'd recommend a payout over several years. Too risky. What if something goes wrong? What if you fail to pay? What if the house burns down and you failed to maintain insurance? Do you, or does your ex-spouse, want to be going back to court years or a decade from now for house proceeds? And if there is a catastrophic loss, how would you, or the ex-spouse, make t…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/24 06:50 PM
10

she's leaning towards divorce and if it weren't for the kids she'd be gone already. She is gone. The only thing she's waiting for is the most opportune financial time to file for divorce. Seven years? You better file, and quick. Before that 10-year permanent/lifetime alimony danger rears its head. Your wife is gone. Your marriage is over. File. File now.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/24 09:02 AM
10

File for divorce before ANY of it is turned over to you. "She's waiting"? So then what are YOU doing? File. File now.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 12:56 AM
2

What is the rental vs. mortgage debt disparity in your locale? Don't be so sure renting is such a bad deal in a 7% rate environment. Take what would be your down payment, buy some bills or notes, earn interest. Keep your rent as cheap as you can, and make smart investments. And, you get to avoid some pretty big ownership hits, including skyrocketing insurance premiums as well as hefty maintenance. I understand the counterargument is you pay for these costs via rent. But the damage can be less, s…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/24 02:55 PM
3

I’m planning a divorce, or at least a legal and physical separation You must divorce. Don't half-ass it with a "legal separation." That would be a disaster. If you're out, file for divorce. And seriously, look to Thailand. Good weather but humid, good sun, good food, maybe some appropriate lady company if you're looking for that -- and no, you do not have to do this "tourism" stuff. There will be women your own age or maybe a bit younger if you so desire that you can partner with. But your funds…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 12:24 PM
8

If you have space in the home: box it up nicely, label it, keep it until she can come and get it. If all of the stuff is a real hindrance to living in the home, have it boxed or put in a pod, and off to storage it goes. Then pay for a few months of storage, and ensure your lawyer, her lawyer, and your ex-wife know all that stuff is in storage and you will not pay the bill past a date certain. But the better way to go is, simply stick it in an extra room, if you have it, and keep it until the div…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 12:18 PM
1

If it is excluded, it won't be considered in rendering any decision.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 10:22 AM
16

Your plan is a disaster. There will be a court reporter typing everything you say. Your "witty" and "sarcastic" answers will look terrible in a transcript. And that will give her lawyer the chance to paint you as uncooperative, nasty, a liar, etc. Listen to your lawyer. Her or his advice is absolutely correct. Keep your mouth shut. Answer only the question that is asked. Answer, keep it short, and move the fuck on.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 10:21 AM
5

Don't sign A FUCKING THING. You are entitled to 50%, and possibly more. Go for every single penny. You do exactly what a female would do in this situation. You go for the whole smash. This includes the house, the business sale proceeds, everything. Go for it all. Do it, and do not look back or second guess. Get a lawyer. Now. Fight. Listen to nothing your ex-spouse says, because she is dead wrong on the law.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 01:23 AM
3

Press. Fight. Push your every advantage.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 01:20 AM
1

Yep. As a guiding principle, strategize like a chess match, with the goal of wrapping the divorce up as quickly and efficiently as possible, but only if the terms are favorable. So if you do A, and she responds with B, you do C. A straightforward game plan mapped out.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 01:34 PM
3

Litigation is a cold, impersonal process. It is like this for all matters, including divorce. With a two-year separation, at this point signing your dissolution is akin to cancelling any contract. Further, the simple reality is, no one really, truly cares about your marriage or relationships. Not the courts, not your friends, and your family has little to no interest. Truly. Take all of this as a good thing. It’s over. No drama. No fuss. No ridiculous fighting or prolonging the process. You and …
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 01:00 PM
2

Judgement call. Perhaps one way to handle it is provide the property settlement agreement first. If she doesn't sign it, or delays, have that divorce petition waiting in the wings, ready to file on 48-hours notice. Something like that. A plan A, plan B scenario.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 07:32 AM
8

Highly likely this report can be excluded under the evidentiary rules.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 07:00 AM
6

Post-divorce, NO financial entanglements. No joint property ownership. No debt. No mortgages. No obligations other than child support, if you can manage that. NO financial entanglements. This advice has been repeated over, and over, and over. Get absolutely everything sold, jettisoned, cancelled, and buttoned up in your divorce decree. No loose ends. Unless you want to be going back to court five, ten, fifteen, even twenty years from now, incurring $50k in legal costs each time as you try to unf…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 06:57 AM
2

It will hurt a whole lot more if he waits to file. Every day he delays, another iron weight is added to the alimony chain. He needs to file ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 11:38 PM
2

Sounds about right. File immediately. You do not want the timer on this marriage increasing. At six years, you get a reasonable, limited alimony period. If it goes over ten years, danger of extended alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 11:37 PM
1

There is no point in worrying. Because you cannot control her choice of counsel. She alone decides who to retain. So, take it on, no matter who is across the table, or the courtroom.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 11:21 PM
4

cause she has been a stay at home mom our whole marriage of 6 years She'll definitely be getting spousal support. Guaranteed. Most days I am really sad with who I have become and who I have married. I feel like if I do not move out, I will be wasting more of my life In this case, file for divorce and move out. We would normally counsel against it. But your marriage sounds horrible. Freedom is going to cost you a chunk in spousal support and child support, but in this case, it may be worth it. Ju…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 11:19 PM
1

Wonderful.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 04:18 PM
7

No matter what, never give in to your ex-spouse's extortionate demands. To the contrary, you should write a detailed note, type it up, sign it, date it, outlining all her lies and threats. Then send a copy to your lawyer just in case she does move forward. Just keep on writing up notes, date, sign, send to lawyer for safekeeping.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 02:22 PM
1

Post nuptial agreement that her own lawyer conceded on the record as being invalid. Valid, or invalid?
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 05:00 AM
9

Your marriage is over. Get out, now. Your small kids will be fine.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 07:46 AM
5

Get something typed up, spelling this all out. Have it in the proper electronic form, something you can either work on yourselves at the mediation, or something you can email to the mediator to finish out (if they are willing to do so). And format it properly for submission to the Court, including caption page, case name, case number, any proper signatures and notarizations that are required at the back. Your local jurisdiction should have "local rules" or "rules of court" that will spell out th…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 01:28 AM
4

It is highly likely you do not have any right nor authority to remove her from the marital home. If she goes willingly, that's one thing. I told her that's how long she has to leave. Yeah, this is up to the divorce court. Not you.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 04:37 AM
0

Could I still live a fulfilling life if I choose to do that? Yes.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 02:58 AM
2

Are you in a one-party consent state? If yes, get your camera/mic in your pocket and hit record every time she pulls this shit. You'll have a mountain of evidence if this goes to trial. You'll need it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 02:54 AM
2

Now we’re on year 8, another state again for my career and I really like it and plan to stay here. That's a lot of moves for your wife to have a "career." And two kidney transplants, that's a lot for a mother. Is there anything good? Does she take care of you or the kid in any way? It seems like there's more to the story, or at least another side, and she's had some difficult times. Just how I'm reading between the lines.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 10:29 PM
3

O.K., but sometimes you need to see the truth for exactly what it is.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 07:07 PM
3

They had four separate times to jointly tell the kids. The ex-wife bailed on all of them. Is that “handled with care”? Can’t you read?
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 06:57 PM
3

Married almost 3 years, I make about 15k more File for divorce immediately. With a marriage under three years, your alimony should be zero, or very close to it. And no kids? Dude, short marriage + no kids = easy divorce glidepath with minimal financial damage. You bought the house before this short marriage? You will retain it all, minus any appreciation post-marriage. If there is no home appreciation, you should vigorously fight for her to get zero. Do NOT give up the house -- it's yours. File …
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 12:23 PM
13

She's offering me a small portion (around 30%) Don't be stupid. Get everything you are owed. If you take this deal, you will regret it forever.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 12:04 PM
8

Stand strong. Get out of this horrible relationship. Your marriage died years ago.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 12:03 PM
1

Just wait until you hear the alimony demand in mediation. Seven-year SAHM, nine year marriage, not working, four and seven year-old children. This is the perfect setup for a large alimony award. Expect a high alimony demand number. After mediation, come back and tell us if we were right.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 08:53 PM
1

Your legal analysis is fatally flawed. Emotional distress? Waste of time. You've got a TRO you need to deal with. You plainly need a lawyer. Else you are going to get your ass kicked in court. And frankly, I have trouble believing the factual predicate. No court allows a party to serve "papers" on a Friday, and is ready to go with a "trial" that Monday. No way. I simply don't believe it. No due process laws anywhere in a western democracy would permit this. Now, maybe it was an "ex parte" motion…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 12:49 PM
6

Mediator stayed that long so he or she could bill. Truth. When you attend mediation, if you receive a truly ridiculous offer or counteroffer, reject it and leave. Immediately. You showed up to mediation in good faith. If the other party is not negotiating in good faith, end it. Quickly. PS that is all you are required to do: show up. If you show up, make an offer or counteroffer, you absolutely can call it a day after that.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 12:45 PM
5

Don’t go.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 09:17 PM
5

Tell her exactly this. “You never formally introduced me to your new girlfriends. I am merely following your actions.”
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 09:14 PM
2

I think you can go back. Say it face to face. Say you made an enormous mistake. You realize what you lost. Could you try to work on things and get back together.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 01:07 PM
19

Reject this offer. Be very careful about the "no child support" BS. She can always come back around and demand it, claiming the "no child support" violates your jurisdiction's laws or guidelines. Do not pay her mortgage. Do not.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 01:05 PM
6

Better idea. Anything she sent via text message or email, send it back IN the third-party app. Simply say, "I am responding to your unauthorized message outside the mediated third-party messaging application you requested." Then copy her communication. Then respond, but only if it merits a response. Reject any stipulations, simply say, "I do not agree." Put absolutely everything in the third-party app. Act like a saint. Copy everything. Make a detailed record. As detailed as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 05:14 AM
10

She can take every dime from me if it means I'm still in that boys life. It's vital to his life that I continue to be his father and role model. I wouldn't trade that for anything. Sorry, you need a different analysis. If he's your stepson, you have no legal duty. No requirement to pay child support. And you stick to that. Do not legally obligate yourself, and never say she can "take every dime." How the hell are you going to support a minor while you're living in your car, you have no health in…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 05:04 AM
8

Eggs are rare, pregnancy takes nine months. Sperm are common, impregnating someone can be achieved in minutes. This answers all your questions, including why men are cannon fodder. Look at Ukraine: women fled, men conscripted into battle. No skills? No assets? No value.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 02:31 AM
3

She she still entitled to half of the house if it is not in her name? You better retain counsel. She or he will need all the facts, including who paid what for the house, from what funds, from what accounts, how it came to be titled in your name only, etc. Very fact specific, hence absolutely no one here can provide a valid answer. The rest of your questions also require specific legal advice. Don't sleep on this. Don't fuck this up. You may have a shot at alimony, child support, keeping the hou…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 07:40 AM
8

I disagree with the sentiment here. Look, your wife said she's not into you anymore. Accept it, move on. As for talking with other dudes, benefit friends, online accounts -- none of it matters. No-fault divorce means the courts will not care. They won't care. You will waste a fuckton of time trying to moralize in court, and you will gain nothing in the divorce process. Thing that we both can agree on is that we want what’s best for the children and that we bet both want to be the best coparentin…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 07:35 AM
1

Yes. Judge will sign off if you both agree.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 07:24 AM
10

The most important thing you said: Nearly finalised, That means your divorce is not done. And in litigation, nothing is done until everything is done. Until you have that final court order, that final divorce decree, you or she could blow up parts of it, or the entire thing. Get the divorce done. DONE. Get that final court order. Then, and only then -- you go very strict boundaries and communication. You don't give an inch beyond what your divorce order requires. Never answer her phone calls, pu…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/24 09:24 PM
5

There's a reason these are two oft-repeated pieces of advice: do not listen to your ex's legal interpretations, and trial date.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 07:13 PM
1

“but it was transferred directly into our shared mortgage account” Dude, what the fuck did you do? Always keep inheritance SEPARATE. That way it stays separate property for the duration of the marriage. Transferring to a joint/shared account means you “commingled” the funds. She gets half the house, with no offset for your inheritance down payment. Especially in Canada, one of the worst countries for divorce, I think this is the most likely outcome. You are totally screwed. Maybe your lawyer can…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 05:50 PM
9

Are you a man? Are you an adult? If you are, anyone else's opinion concerning your marriage, and your relationships, is totally fucking irrelevant. Your family doesn't live with her. Your family doesn't live your life. So who gives a flying fuck what they think. I don't care what they think. Neither should you.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 06:55 AM
3

I received the final divorce papers a few months ago. What does this mean? Do you have your final divorce order? Is it your final order of dissolution, with your ordered asset split, alimony, etc.? It's unclear what this is. As for "letting her know," this simply doesn't matter. If it's a court order, it will be docketed, and thus it is public record. She can pull it if she wants to. Keeping up with the docket is her responsibility, not yours. So stop thinking about it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 06:53 AM
5

Do not move out. Do not move out. Do not move out. You need legal counsel. IMMEDIATELY. I haven't spoken to a lawyer because I wanted to work through mediation or something less aggressive. I was also waiting for graduation. Bro, have you even read the posts here? Such a fucking mistake. She's f-ing other guys. Aggressive. Substance abuser. How the fuck did you think this was going to go? Listen to NOTHING she says concerning divorce or family law. What she has said to you is plainly incorrect. …
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 04:15 AM
10

Today's thirty-year fixed rate is 7.03%. Fuck. That. In California especially, renting is the superior financial option to owning, in many people's opinion. You can rent the equivalent house much more cheaply than to buy. The down payment you were going to make on a new place? Put it in a money market or CD paying north of 5%. That's cash money in your pocket every month. Even a couple hundred bucks per month -- it matters. Then, for the next five years, ten years, even twenty years, you invest …
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 12:49 AM
1

If alimony ends soon, and child support is under $600 a month, and you each got a half share of house equity, I think you’re doing reasonably well in divorce. It sounds about right.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 02:00 PM
0

Highly unlikely. The new husband is in no way responsible for your biological child. Not his kid, not his responsibility. And why would her new child have any impact on your support obligation? Why?
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 01:53 PM
3

r/AgainstMatrimony
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 01:10 PM
4

Trial date.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 07:38 PM
2

Do not move out. It will be used against you every step of the way, including custody, asset split, home ownership. She’ll beat you over the head with it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 07:37 PM
14

Wrong. Twenty-year marriage. California. That's two strikes. I think no lawyer = strike three. The biggest threat you face by far: the possibility of lifetime alimony. You could be ordered lifelong wageslave status if you fuck up the alimony portion. So, do not fuck it up. Do not. Because once you make a grave mistake, it's even harder to undo. You've been warned. Don't sleep on this. Do not amateur hour the possibility of punitive alimony coming out of a California court. At a minimum, you need…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 12:43 AM
9

I have begged for two months to go to reconciliation counseling Huge mistake. Waste of time. Total, complete waste of time. Your marriage is OVER. Your ex neither wants you, nor respects you. Believe it, accept it. I have contemplated just paying off the $56,000 in debt over the next few months Huge mistake. Marital debt. Half is hers. Put it exactly where it belongs. or just taking care of my own financial needs and I am unsure as to what I should do. What should you do? ^ This.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 10:56 AM
2

Don't lift a fucking finger. Let the place go to total shit. Your ex doesn't care? Then neither do you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 04:29 AM
4

Exhibit A on why to never get married. Never.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 12:39 AM
1

You are making this way, way too complicated. Seriously, go see a professional. Forget porn, forget dating sites, and forget all the other bullshit. Just go and see a mature pro lady and get your needs taken care of. It’s 2024, they are everywhere, and no one cares. Hell, most of these women are on TikTok and OnlyFans doing the most outrageous sexual shit for clicks and views. You seeking a little companionship is far more honorable than the depravity broadcast by adult social media and porn. No…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 03:27 PM
2

But it's not much. Maybe $5k to $10k (my half). As sad as it sounds, the cost of divorce towers over this amount. It'd be more "principle of the thing" than recovery. Forget it. The bank account withdrawals should have been addressed in your final divorce decree. It's over. As for the other stuff, in no way -- no way -- is it going to be worth the time and effort to reopen litigation (itself a Herculean task) to argue over the sale of pots and pans, or a TV, or whatever the hell the "community p…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 05:54 AM
2

This is not unique to divorce, or family court. Any civil litigation is a cold, sterile process -- and in many respects, it must be. You would feel the same in a personal injury lawsuit, for example, where a doctor or hospital royally fucked up, injuring you for life. Or being the victim of a massive fraud. Understand the courts are utterly jammed with family law disputes. Ugly ones, too, with domestic violence, potentially fatal drug use and abuse, horrendous gambling addictions, etc. If you've…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 05:50 AM
4

She sounds utterly disgusting.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 07:17 AM
6

File immediately. At two years of marriage and no kids, the damage will be very minimal. No child support. No spousal support. You get a clean break and a cheap reset. Unless you meet a woman who is totally devoted to you and you can trust with your life — never ever get married again. Just don’t, unless she is that one in a billion person you know you were meant to be with.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 02:33 PM
6

Anyone who read anything into those two weights is low-IQ and scientifically illiterate. Quite literally, going to the bathroom + changing a shirt could easily result in a 130 gram difference. A strenuous 1.5 hour cardio workout could have you losing 2 lbs in water weight very easily. Your ex-spouse is a fucking moron.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/24 10:19 AM
7

Our Family Wizard communications application. ALL communication goes through the app, period. Everything recorded, viewable by a reviewing court/judge/magistrate. Never, ever, EVER communicate outside the application. No phone. No text messages. No emails. EVERYTHING through the recorded app, as if you were undergoing a court-ordered audit with mandatory paper trails. GoPro Hero 12 Black, extra microSD cards, multiple charging cords in your house/car/work, and a shirt/chest mount. Record everyth…
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/24 03:55 AM
3

This bitch is just lying left and right and tipping her hand that she plans to drum up a bogus order of protection. Strongly suggesting the latest GoPro camera for various "moments," such as when interacting with the in-laws, any argument that arises -- just start recording everything. Everything. The latest version is the Hero 12 black. Get it, along with a strap or clip for wearing on your chest. Then get a few quality microSD cards. You literally want to be like an officer wearing a body cam.…
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 10:07 PM
5

You failed to provide the two things that matter: length of marriage, and actual state of residence. Repeating “equitable state” means nothing, as that concerns the rules and judicial discretion concerning asset/property split. Alimony is totally separate.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 03:53 PM
4

Divorced Men Club for the second time. Did you have serious reservations about getting legally married the second time? And after this one, please, do not make it a trifecta.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 09:33 AM
6

Let it go, step one. Step two: install a smart lock to your front door, possibly back door. Give the code to those you trust. You can also give the code to your ex if she re-establishes trust. Once she breaks trust, delete the code. Do it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 02:16 AM
5

The reccuring advice/comment I keep getting is that I need to go start banging a bunch of women.... Normal for a divorced Dad to start just being a manwhore? It's bad advice, usually given by keyboard liars who are doing nothing of the sort, though surely some are. I don't know what "normal" is. But I do know a lot of us are not interested in getting down with anything that moves -- and most especially not in the living situation you describe. Hell, I'd be worried about disease, even with protec…
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/24 12:16 PM
33

You're a horrendous divorce negotiator. Utterly horrendous. Unkind, but 100% true. Men, never ever negotiate like this. Go for everything you are entitled to, especially that 50/50 asset split. Read this. Learn from this. And do precisely the opposite of what you read above.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/24 12:09 PM
11

This has nothing to do with the “friend.” This has everything to do with your spouse.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 10:40 PM
3

https://divorce.com/blog/what-is-a-divorce-deposition/ https://www.mckinleyirvin.com/family-law-blog/2018/february/4-tips-for-your-divorce-deposition/ https://www.mollybkenny.com/blog/what-to-do-and-not-to-do-during-a-divorce-deposition-in-wa.cfm
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 04:57 AM
2

If it's amicable final hearing to get a signed order, dress shirt and pants should be sufficient.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 08:58 AM
6

"Pulls aside her ex" where, exactly? The fucking grocery store, aisle 3, while people are shopping on mother's day? Yeah, that's what ex-spouses want to do, have this conversation in public in a grocery store. Look, she's at work, she's at a grocery store, there are people around, this simply is not the time, nor the place, to be doing this shit nor judging her response. The entire idea was beyond fucking dumb. And none of it is on the ex-wife.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 12:08 PM
17

She's at work, and she told you she couldn't step away. I agree with the ex-W in this instance. And frankly, I'd hate this shit if I was at work. I want the personal kept personal. And with an ex? Ridiculous. This idea was really dumb, right from the start. You are divorced. She don't wanna play pretend with you in a grocery store while she's on the clock. You do this when you both are on personal time, and away from the public. She ain't looking to have a "moment" with the kids with people she …
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 07:24 AM
1

Research the posts here. This question has been asked scores of times.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 06:18 PM
8

To all men reading this: this is a prime example of what not to do if you are in a bad marriage or contemplating divorce, starting in 2019. This is over half a decade of utter nonsense, which is going to cost big-time in the end. The first comment sums up the appropriate advice and response. I don't even have the bandwidth to contemplate this bullshit.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 06:17 PM
2

Pay attention here OP.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/24 08:54 AM
2

Frankly, sounds like a quality consultation. Covered all the bases. Doesn't want to file endless bullshit motions and run up the bill, if you guys can amicably resolve the case. I'd give this attorney a shot. Though I strongly disagree with moving out of the house. You stay in that house and co-parent cordially.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/24 08:51 AM
2

I think you have a fair shot at winning. Also, review the following. In your state, the judge has discretion to put an end to this nonsense. Marshall all your facts, in particular her age, the fact she is an adult, should have graduated years ago, etc. https://www.mass.gov/info-details/2023-child-support-guidelines-section-ii-factors-to-be-considered-in-setting-the-child-support-order#g.-contribution-to-post-secondary-educational-expenses-
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/24 08:02 PM
8

Your marriage: over. Proceed to divorce, and quickly. Do not waste time or money with “counseling“ or “therapy.” They will fail, guaranteed.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/24 07:34 PM
0

I'm worried about potential alimony given that my wife comes from wealth (a millionaire father and a multi-million dollar trust fund she'll inherit), but she currently can't access it. This is irrelevant. Inheritance is separate property. Forget trying to touch it or calculate it. The only way this becomes relevant is if your ex is phenomenally stupid and "co-mingles" her inheritance into community property. But, she will not be that dumb. Further, it is highly likely the trust fund will have me…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 12:36 AM
1

File for divorce immediately. Don’t let the clock run. You should be in good shape with only six year marriage. Don’t give in, don’t settle. And never fall for the bullshit she “supported” you when you paid for everything. Fight. Fight any alimony request. Do not settle.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 06:58 AM
10

Ridiculous. Man up, file for divorce. In person you tell your mate the relationship has run its course, you wish him/her the best, and thank you for the time together. In the future, make better choices. The mother and the sons were there long before you married this person. You need to spend a lot more time futurecasting the impact of your decisions. You’re 52. Do better. But then, I have serious questions about the veracity of this story. There has been a lot of karma farming and questionable …
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 07:35 AM
3

What a stupid settlement. Mind-numbingly stupid. How many times do we need to repeat this: NO FINANCIAL ENTANGLEMENTS. Everything should be legally seperated or sold post-divorce. No joint property. No joint or continuing debts. No responsibility for a mortgage, or mortgage payments, or anything related to property. No joint credit cards, no HELOCS, no joint medical insurance, no personal loans, nothing. No financial entanglements. None. You don’t list the country or state. And this settlement a…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 05:54 AM
1

Are you divorced? If not, get it done. Now.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 01:28 AM
6

Continue to fight.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/24 03:31 AM
3

Go to trial. Seriously. The judge will see right through the unreasonable demands.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/24 01:19 AM
13

Reject and ridicule this mysticism bullshit. It‘s all bullshit.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 12:57 PM
2

The answer is always the same: crypto.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 07:09 AM
3

I hope you pointed out these facts to them, explicitly and loudly.
/r/MensRights23/03/24 02:02 AM
4

So today filed a uncontested divorce and its going to get ugly. This makes no sense. Uncontested means there are no disputes, everything is worked out. Get ugly means exactly the opposite. As a general comment, not directed at OP, men, you need to do better with reading and written communication. So many initial posts are logically flawed, poorly written, or hard to understand. But divorce is all about the written process: clear and logical thinking, clear communication, prose that makes sense.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 10:40 AM
19

Ignore them. Also, the issue of “standing” is important here. This “group” has no standing in your divorce case, and thus are legally irrelevant. Do not make them relevant by engaging with them.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 08:59 PM
6

Must avoid lifetime alimony at any cost.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 12:23 PM
1

What is this, Dear Abby?
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 03:32 PM
1

Yes.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 02:40 PM
0

I didn't see this coming. Then you are blind. First, why the F would you sign a one-sided settlement agreement? Why would you do something so astoundingly foolish? Courts around the world look to enforce executed contracts. You may be able to defeat it, but that is not certain. Second, of course the ex and her lawyer are going to press their leverage with this document. Of course they are going to try, and now you’ve created a mountain of work for yourself to escape your own trap.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 05:22 AM
5

You need an excellent lawyer, and a trial date. Period.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 01:43 PM
10

Just as likely she’s looking for attention. But if you were to give it, you’re a gym creep. Impossible to know, but always be on the lookout for drama incubators.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 07:03 AM
5

“Counseling” = massive waste of time and money. The instant a female says the marriage is over, it’s over. Mark our words, your relationship is done.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 10:48 AM
1

Get a trial date. Don’t give an inch.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 12:02 PM
2

We told you, you were in big trouble. You need competent divorce counsel. Fast. And forget $10k. You better get used to the fact this divorce is going to cost a lot, because you have to fight. You have no choice. Get smart and get a top-notch divorce lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 12:01 PM
2

Follow the court order. Do no more than is required. You will be fine.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 01:47 AM
1

Definitely making a mistake if you get married. No kids is enormous. No pets is very big too. We have a no-pet life, and it is as good as you imagine. No bullshit, no picking up dog shit, no interruptions, no mess to clean up every day. Don’t give up on either one. The no kid, no pet life is fantastic. You zero out 95% of the fucking bullshit that makes domestic life such a pathetic bore, and monotonous beyond measure. And you’ll save a fortune, literally. Keep with your vision. Break it off. Yo…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 12:02 AM
8

Wonderful.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 03:37 AM
4

You need a lawyer who is going to fight like hell to enforce your prenup. That is a valuable contract. Don’t give up on it. Do not.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 04:11 AM
1

If you do rent, good. That means you won’t be fighting over ownership of the house. Once the lease is up, you have some flexibility. Also, hopefully no kids. That will really smooth the divorce process.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 05:41 PM
9

You sound like a doormat. Should have filed for divorce when you knew she was seeing another. Couples therapy? It’s bullshit. Waste of time, waste of money. This is the truth. How can you be surprised, or claim your impending divorce is “unbelievable”? It is so oft reported a big percentage of marriages blow up in divorce, and of those, a huge percentage are initiated by females. You are the rule, not the exception. I don’t say you are stupid. But naivety’s mistress is willful blindness, and you…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 01:13 PM
10

I was willing to work on it, she's calling it quits and doesn't want to settle for an unhappy marriage. We've been separated for just over a month, but divorce seems inevitable. The truth: your marriage is over. This relationship is over. When the female is done, it is done. And you thinking she will come to her senses, or thinking she will date others for a couple years and then come back: this is nonsense. It’s not happening. Divorce. Now. Under four years married, and no children, this is goi…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 05:57 AM
2

That is horrible. Sure hope the alimony laws are reasonable.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 01:49 PM
6

Females unquestionably say and argue it is entirely appropriate to seek greener pastures — pardon me, seek a “well-adjusted feminist male with no toxic masculinity“ — during marital separations. This is especially true if their current partner purportedly fails to meet their “emotional needs” or does not share the “mental load.” It is plain to us your separated wife fails to carry her share of “mental load,” fails to meet your “emotional needs,” and needs more “therapy.” According to the feminis…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 01:08 PM
3

Please tell us you already have filed for divorce. Because your alimony calculation should be as of the day you filed for divorce, hence any delays are irrelevant. Moving mediation will have no bearing on alimony. If you have not filed for divorce, this is unbelievably stupid.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 10:45 AM
5

Is this a draft? Or is this your final order that you signed? If the latter, you are well and truly fucked.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 10:44 PM
3

Yes. Press for your trial date. You need that finality hammer. If it resolves prior to that via settlement talks or mediation, great. But as you know, no one can count on that, especially if there are unreasonable demands. Trial date is the absolute key.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 07:53 PM
1

The discovery request is pretty standard. Any counsel will have seen those questions before, and s/he should have standard responses ready to go. But it will take come time to gather your responsive info and have it served. Also, look at the request document? How many actual pages of questions? Because you likely have multiple pages devoted to the notice, instructions, possibly definitions, and the last few pages may be certificate-of-service related. Let us know.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 07:50 PM
13

You need to press the divorce accelerator. Don’t move out of the house. Make sure it gets sold. No financial entanglements post-divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 07:46 PM
2

You are entirely correct.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 02:45 AM
2

All scams. And in fairness, I think females have it just as bad, possibly worse, with fake messages, scam links, D picks, etc. But unquestionably men are serious targets for romance and affinity frauds. And they can be dangerous, even fatal. Get an armed crew, lure a single male out for a purported “date,” then render unconscious, even kill. Steal wallet, phone, and watch. Try to withdraw as much money as possible, and make as many electronic purchases as they can, over the next twelve to twenty…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 02:30 AM
22

You and your counsel will be seeking a trial date. Concede nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 03:14 AM
3

Concede and get it over with. Because you already are doing this.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 11:30 PM
3

vs going all in right off the bat. Get this shit straight: you’re already all-in. Your spouse is ready to drop the divorce nuclear bomb, lifetime alimony. If she gets that, welcome to lifetime slavery. With a 19+ year marriage, and if she has no skills, she’ll be all-in. She may have an excellent shot at success, depending on the facts. She’d be beyond stupid to fold at mediation. Also, Tennessee alimony is complicated, as there is all types, including rehabilitation, solido, and futuro. Better …
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 09:11 AM
4

Ridiculous. You should appeal.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 09:03 AM
1

Do it. This plan sounds reasonable, feasible, workable. And even if you don’t get hired by border patrol, being in shape and ready to work, you can apply for other LE positions. And, if BP needs you somewhere other than TX, take it. Once you are in, you put a bit of time in, then look for a transfer to open up in your desired location. Never, ever, ever, ever, ever get married again. You’ll have a new position. A career. A pension. Some security. Do NOT let these Only Fans thots steal your hard …
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 03:04 AM
2

Wonderful. Now, you stay on top of this. You tell your lawyer to keep pressing this advantage. And you do everything right. Respond to discovery. Get shit in early. Comply with all court orders. Attend every hearing. And be sure to refrain from any verbal combat or sparring. You must exhibit exemplary behavior at all times. Don’t give her side anything to work with or argue. John Bolton always had a good way to proceed in negotiations: act perfectly in the procedures, including notice, disclosur…
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 02:55 AM
1

Move the court for immediate temporary custody orders. This can include time split and location / school district where the children should remain. Do it fast. And if you really need it this week or next, you could get on the court’s ex parte calendar on an emergency basis.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 02:48 AM
9

File and serve immediately. Under a year, you should be absolutely golden with no repercussions. File and serve immediately. Don’t wait for the one-year mark. Under a year will be a big flag to your judge, who will understand this holy union was a fucking disaster from the start.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 09:54 PM
1

How did it come out in court she only wants your money, and she wants you homeless? How does that tumble out in your divorce papers, at hearings, or at trial if it went that far?
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 09:52 PM
1

If you can, go for a good balance of income, nice weather, and reasonable expenses. Here’s how you frame it: optionality. You have it. You have options. Where to live. Where to work. Nothing holding you back, or down. Lots of stuck people would trade places with you. Optionality is freedom. Exercise it. Go for a nice income, a nice pension if you can get it, and maybe a sunshine state to improve your mood.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 09:42 AM
2

Go for a position with a pension. The beauty of it is, you will own it 100%, the former ex will be entitled to nothing. This is huge, especially at your age, as you can make up for lost time. And don’t fuck up. Meaning, do not get married again. Just don’t.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 09:01 AM
6

Do not sweat the small stuff. Just don’t. You drag this out over bullshit like dog toys, you could be looking at years of litigation, outrageous demands, and potentially huge legal fees. Concede on some petty bullshit and get your final order. Your goal is to get the fuck out of this marriage with as much of your financial assets intact, and absolutely no future obligations to your ex. This is your mission. If you don’t, or won’t, understand this, reread the prior two sentences over and over unt…
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 08:52 AM
8

No. No. No. No. No. No.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 10:12 PM
7

I’d have several friends over. Several. Safety in numbers.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 06:20 PM
5

Dude, this is literally nothing. Go sit in family court one day. Listen as the docket has to deal with spousal abuse, kidnapping allegations, meth/fentanyl/opioid addiction, gambling problems, spouses disappearing for many months or years without paying any support. Your kid is in a superb place if she doesn’t have to deal with the sewer that is many western families today.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 06:18 PM
2

You must get the forensic accountant. Then go after her for reimbursement of those fees, because her filing is fraudulent.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 03:37 PM
2

File for divorce. Get her off the lease. The instant she is off, change the locks. But make sure you’ve filed for divorce and had her served, and she has absolutely no right to reside in your domicile/premesis.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 01:31 PM
3

Need an international campaign blaring repeatedly how fucking garbage western marriage, and in particular western divorce, is and will be to their present and future selves. And how a productive spouse is utterly fucked in most divorce courts. Whereas their obese dependopotimus is awarded at least half the assets, lifetime coffee, doughnuts, and the ability to be even more lazy and unproductive following the post-divorce asset transfer. And this is true for productive men and women, though there…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 01:17 PM
5

Then don’t do it surreptitiously, as this article suggests. Put you smartphone or recorder in your hand, visible, and record. This would very likely make it admissible.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 12:03 AM
12

Record it anyway. No one in Illinois is going to prison for recording unhinged behavior by an ex. The state has far more important things to do.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 11:49 PM
2

Good news: “no-fault” divorce means any adultery should not matter in the divorce. In fact, some states won’t even allow evidence of it to be introduced in court. Also, a lot of us understand things happen, and the notion of decades of monogamy is totally unrealistic, and many cultures recognize this stupidity. But not the puritanical west.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 08:15 PM
2

The “prior to filing” part could be problematic. If the other side wants to screw around with your new house, they can. It probably won’t be very successful, but, do want the stress, time, and money wasted on such a stupid thing that could have been avoided? So, don’t give them ammunition. At minimum wait until you have filed for divorce, served your spouse, and your divorce petition is at issue in court.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 02:18 PM
1

while others don’t - certain countries don’t have a high lesbian divorce rate. Wrong. Look at the data. No matter the country or region, lesbian divorce rates greatly exceed gay divorce rates. The data confirm it has everything to do with being female. The data confirm it. It is consistent, persistent, and has been the same for decades.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 01:05 AM
2

Because an adult teenager is barely an adult Bullshit. Females begin puberty as early as 9, and physically are fully developed by 15. Society tacks on an additional three years of intellectual development to reach the age of consent, which is more than appropriate. Hell, if you assume average human lifespan is 75, by the time she turns 18, twenty-four percent of her life is already over. What the fuck does “barely an adult“ even mean? An 18 year old female can join the military, operate multimil…
/r/MensRights10/02/24 12:59 AM
1

The fuck are you babbling about? These statistics concern females initiating the vast majority of divorces. And the data are consistent across all pairings. This has nothing at all to do about lesbian (or gay) relationships, the morality of relationships, or anything of the sort. That is why I took care to previously say: Thus, whether one examines the data for male/female, male/male, or female/female pairings, it is females across-the-board who are filing and initiating divorce proceedings at m…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 12:44 AM
6

Eggs are rare, sperm are common.
/r/MensRights09/02/24 03:13 PM
3

Why not get it appraised, then buy out her half (or whatever she is entitled to per your divorce settlement).
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 11:00 AM
2

You need to look at your jurisdiction’s rules. It may have required disclosures. For example, Arizona has a mandatory “Rule 49 Disclosure Statement,” which you can read about. You must look at your local jurisdiction rules, first, to see if any disclosures are mandatory. If you fail to do this, you’ve done nothing and are a dead duck.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 09:53 PM
2

Custody? The OP wants her to abort. He specifically said he never planned to have a kid. He barely knows this woman; he doesn’t want this child. If you don’t understand this from his post, you understand nothing.
/r/MensRights06/02/24 02:41 PM
3

Your marriage is already over. This is the truth.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 02:37 PM
2

From the outside, sounds like a good life. New life, new career, growing, and free from your duplicitous ex.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 08:02 AM
5

I think it is. If you request it, you are signaling you don’t believe her. You are signaling you believe she’s screwing around. And you are signaling, I do not want any financial responsibility for this child. All of which, by the way, are valid concerns. But at this point, this early juncture, suggest abortion and say you don’t want a child. Now, the unfortunate part, coming next. After this kid is born (if she carries to term), her life will turn to shit. Having to care for the kid, constantly…
/r/MensRights05/02/24 10:53 PM
2

Wait. Before you seek a paternity test, do you want any involvement in the kid’s life? And, is the mother demanding child support? If she’s not demanding child support, I may not immediately ratchet up to a paternity test.
/r/MensRights05/02/24 09:27 PM
3

Perfect that you didn’t reply.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 09:22 PM
13

Every time she complains, simply say, “You demanded this.” Or, “I did exactly what you asked.” Or, “I acceded to all your demands.” Keep saying it over, and over, and over, and over.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 09:05 PM
8

Dude, you need a good divorce lawyer. If you fuck this up, it will adversely affect the rest of your life.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 08:58 PM
4

Go for a buyout. Press the case you’re not retiring for decades — and she’s only entitled for half during the years you were married.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 07:45 AM
3

Reject this demand. Go to trial. Period. Also, this is precisely why we recommend, if you are going to divorce, do it now, do it fast. Every month, every year that ticks by, allows the “independent woman” to plead inability to work, and a need for ever-growing alimony awards. Your position is so, so much better if you strike early, strike fast, strike hard. End the shit marriage and stop the bleeding. If you don’t have children, consider yourself incredibly lucky. Else you’d be looking at enormo…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 06:36 AM
1

I am trying to ensure you don’t get absolutely blindsided by litigation and mediation. Far too many men realize far too late they are in a legal war. A true legal war. They do things, and agree to things, that greatly weakens their negotiating position, and thereafter their legal position in court. It may be you never reach that state. But you must prepare for it, should the war come.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 12:28 AM
7

That’s true. But litigation is like a locomotive. You want to get the litigation train moving down its inevitable course, and the faster it picks up speed, the harder it is to reverse course. Once signed, you file that settlement ASAP. No delay. Make sure your lawyer is on it. On it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 08:42 PM
1

Right now, we are pursuing mediation over litigation, and I'm torn over whether it's best to let that proceed or hire a lawyer and start forcing this process along. In the long run, I just want it to be over, and I'm concerned going the litigation route will create disagreements and further strife that will only extend the process through motions and continuances. Dude, for the final time: your wife is openly flaunting sex with other men, while residing in your marital home. Your entire marriage…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 08:38 PM
5

Hard no. In real language: fuck no. Push for trial, and 50/50 everything, including that $500k.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 08:29 PM
5

Hard no. In real language: fuck no. Push for trial, and 50/50 everything, including that $500k.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 08:28 PM
15

Answer: drama. See, e.g., The Real Housewives, Kardashians, Vanderpump, The Bachelor, America’s Got Talent. ​ Disclaimer: I don’t watch any of this shit. I just know it contains thousands of hours of arguing, yelling, fighting, meltdowns, and faux “dramatic moments.” So, this. This is what “educates” many modern females.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 08:25 PM
3

In early January she filed a contested divorce. You haven’t agreed to shit. You yourself admit the divorce is contested. Just wait until the lawyers get spun up. Your agreement on everything will evaporate faster than her body sweat on other mens’ bed sheets.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 01:00 AM
4

You need to start thinking strategically. If you move out, it opens up an entire attacking flank. First, she will argue she is, effectively, the custodial parent. “Your honor, my husband left the marital home, and from that moment, I provided the vast majority of parental supervision and childcare. The court should preserve this status quo for the benefit of the children.” She will have multiple motions ready to go, arguing you effectively abandoned the marital home, she should be given primary …
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 12:55 AM
8

I know I have to move out. No. No. No. She can move out. You stay in the marital home until your final divorce order/decree. No matter how much shit she pulls, you deal with it. Think strategically. Think long-term. Ignore her bullshit. And if she won’t leave and/or she cannot buy you out, you force a sale of the house.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 12:04 AM
1

Sounds like you should return to your Dutch roots. Also, your country has oil-rich resources and a stable currency. Take advantage of that.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 07:04 AM
2

You need spousal support.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 06:17 PM
12

You are going to receive a lot of appropriately biased answers. A lot of truly vile, lying, thieving females devoid of skills, logic, or loyalty roam this planet. But good women are out there. A precious few are hardworking, loyal, will be devoted to your health, success, well-being, and will be at your side whether high success or interminable failure. For lack of a better term, you need to find the quirky one: not obsessed with shit “social media,” knows how to keep her mouth shut and keep pri…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 09:09 PM
1

^ This.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 02:44 AM
4

I hope you wrote back the following: “I don’t care. My life is better without you.”
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 11:35 AM
15

Post-divorce, no financial entanglements. None. Sell the damn house, or require her to buy you out. Period, end of story.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 04:41 PM
2

Spousal support is over summer 2026; but going to try to pay her off end of 2024 or spring 2025. Don‘t. Bank the money, pay out according to the divorce schedule. Anything could happen between right now and 2026, and you need that loot. Car accident, horrible diagnosis, anything. Also: bank the money, buy a CD, and you keep the 5.5% interest. Even if it’s just a grand or so, buy something really nice for yourself with those interest payments.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 08:44 AM
2

Search the entire sub concerning post-divorce ownership of property, accounts, debt, etc. It‘s a huge no.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 07:55 AM
6

Bro, read all the posts here about no financial entanglements post-divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 02:39 AM
10

Bro, thank the ground you walk on you didn’t have children. They’d be a divorce anchor around your neck. And no property either? This is going to be a very streamlined divorce. It’s the best possible scenario for divorce. Consider yourself very lucky. Now, take this gift and never, ever get married again. (If you do, she or he better be a fucking unicorn that would eat glass to save your hide; anything less and it’s a hard pass).
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 12:28 PM
3

Get the documents. Move to compel if she refuses. Full stop.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 07:38 AM
13

No alimony? $193 a month in CS? Take it. The uncertainty of trial could result in a much worse deal.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 07:34 AM
1

You need to terminate your current lawyer. And get a new pitbull lawyer. And you need discovery concerning your wife’s income, assets, business. Do you have any of this? My analysis: you need a complete mediation reset. Your first mediation was a fucking disaster. You didn’t know shit. You didn’t know the law. You didn’t game out offers and demands. You were totally unprepared to respond to their bullshit. Bottom line, your position is bad bad bad. It is utterly impossible to tell whether your “…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 09:49 AM
5

Oregon, equitable distribution state. You could lose more than half of everything. You better hope and pray you get a fair judge.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 12:09 PM
3

I think divorce was the right move. Unquestionably. You will find your way.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 02:03 AM
7

Grey rock this bullshit. Live your life. Zero these people out.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 01:45 AM
14

We warned you yesterday. You were totally unprepared.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 12:10 AM
15

Bro. You should already know the most likely outcome based on Florida statutes and case law, as well as the financials. You also should have already gamed out your preferred outcome, your best offer, and her likely demands. With mediation tomorrow, you sound woefully inadequately prepared. You must know what the statutes and caselaw actually say and require. How will you respond if they come at you with an unreasonable demand? Will you even know if it is unreasonable? If you don’t know this, you…
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 04:10 AM
6

Make succinct typewritten notes identifying the lies in the affidavits. Focus on things that matter. After you type it up and proofread it, send to your lawyer via email. And print a copy for yourself when you attend hearing. The key is succinct. Don’t write a damn book. Bullet point the material lies using grammatically correct English. Your hearing time will be short, so make it count by being ready with shit that matters — and have it ready to go via your notes/outline. Also, attend court wit…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 05:51 PM
4

Perfect response. Zero contact. Zero.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 05:35 PM
6

No. We assume the son is her offspring, but not yours, correct? If yes, the harsh truth is, she values her blood relative more than you, her second (or third) husband. Let us guess: she owned the home before you got married? If also true, you had a losing hand right from the jump. They only value what resources you onramp into the household. You have no other value to these people. None.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 05:20 PM
5

Ensure you are not manipulating yourself — and especially not to porn. Try to not do anything for a couple weeks, even a month, then see how you do in real life. Total abstinence for a week or three may give you a huge boost, as well as give you a temporary “reset” from your normal stimuli. If you don’t watch porn, ignore this. But if you do, and you are self-stimulating to it, I think this can be harmful to your interactions in real life. This isn’t the place to discuss it. But there are many o…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 12:25 PM
16

Marriage counseling: massive waste of time and money. Glorified bitch sessions that accomplish zero. Your marriage is over.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 09:59 PM
6

Absolutely do it. Smoke it all. Establish new mobile, email, everything. In the eyes of the law, you are totally independent adults, from a legal point of view. And this is the very best possible outcome in divorce. NO financial entanglements. No kids. A total, clean break, no obligations, no joint debts, no joint property, nothing. This means you are totally free — and there is just about nothing she can try to relitigate years from now. This is superb.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 12:33 AM
9

Was married for 5 years, not legally separated but not living together for 4 years You’re f-ing up bro. When you divorce, spousal support is based on length of marriage. You should have legally separated four years ago. You failed to do so. Now you’ve got four years of marriage added to the alimony calculator. Don‘t mess this up any longer. Get legally separated, get divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 01:57 PM
7

Wonderful. You should give us a full update on how this unfolds.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 01:49 PM
3

https://selfhelp.courts.ca.gov/divorce/date-separation
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 09:53 AM
6

A tough but necessary response. Nearly a year in, stuck on zero, with no forethought or analysis. ​ Where do I even start? C’mon man. You’re a father. You have legal counsel. Start there.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 04:12 AM
12

I understand where the OP is coming from. He thought his ex wife looked perfectly fine; no need to undertake the both the disfigurement, and the significant risk, mammary implants pose to the recipient. She is still in his life, if for no other reason than as the biological mother of his children. And, though divorced, they may parent amicably. And there is the history of their pairing. So, OP, I get it. You wished your former wife did not succumb to the trashy vanity of these harmful implants. …
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 09:12 AM
2

That post-bariatric weight gain is really bad. This is not your problem, but, your ex could be facing a post-revision surgery if she doesn’t get that weight under control. This is not uncommon with the many people who cannot control their food addiction.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 09:02 AM
7

Never forget, it could be so much worse. Those two kids could be your biological offspring, meaning huge child support payments and tying you to this woman, and the area, for decades. Never get married again. Never. And don’t have children.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 11:38 PM
8

It’s over. She has been gone for at least two years. Time to make it official.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 11:24 AM
7

Pursue it. Immediately.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 08:27 AM
1

Pretty standard. And good it’s moving forward. The judge will ask about dates, schedules, availability, estimated length of trial, outstanding disputes and/or discovery issues.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 08:24 AM
5

I see nothing wrong with your perspective. This is your soon-to-be former wife with whom you’ve spent seven years. It’s a good chunk of a human life. Of course you care. It also is appropriate to conclude that, while you may care for one another, one or both of you has also concluded marriage is no longer what you want. So long as the split is amicable and fair, sounds as though you both are doing the best you can in a marriage wind down.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 02:59 PM
5

how do I make plans for the future when I have zero idea of what it's going to look like? You stay in your home. And you make minimal plans with ultra-conservative spending, i.e. renting a small place after the divorce is finalized. Things are uncertain, and will continue to be until you have your final divorce order/decree, which will spell out custody, any spousal support (hopefully zero), asset split, property split. You won’t know for certain until that order is signed and docketed by your j…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 12:16 AM
2

You are absolutely right. Children, specifically, are a nightmare in our modern world, and it's a huge pile of shit for men who can be good fathers. Much, much better to coast a bit, and maybe be a good uncle or friend to others who have children. Also, forget donating -- when you get into your late 60s or 70s, buy a SPIA, a single premium immediate annuity. It will pay you for life until you die. It solves for a very difficult problem, how to maximize spending money without running out before y…
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 08:47 AM
11

No matter what: at the end of your divorce, you want an order that has no continuing or enduring financial entanglements. None. No joint ownership of anything. No joint debts. No “I’ll do this in seven years and then pay you your fare share” nonsense. And any kind of joint property ownership is by far the worst, as banks, title companies, etc. will require dual signatures from dual owners. What if you disagree about the home in five years? In twenty years? Yep, back to court you will go, spendin…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 10:14 PM
2

So my wife of nearly 20 years is asking for divorce. … She is a SAHM One danger is future money, meaning spousal support. It depends on your country/state/jurisdiction. But in some places, dude, you’re looking at near-certain lifetime alimony if she doesn’t remarry. It’s not every jurisdiction, but in some, a 20-year marriage with a SAHM is a major red flag. If you live in the wrong place, you could be paying her monthly until you die. So, you need to do some immediate research on whether there …
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 09:21 PM
12

This reality check is heartwarming and wonderful. Nor is it petty; this is precisely what these selfish family destroyers deserve. And it’s not even the cheating; it’s abandoning her family, seeking to trade up to a new one, that’s the real civil crime.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 02:39 PM
7

All the prior responses nailed it. To sum: you’re not blood. They don’t care what your “story” side is. Especially for an ex-wife, her family will rally to her side, and you will be zeroed out. Accept this reality before humiliating yourself with preemptive divorce explanations that no in-law wants from you.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 02:05 PM
2

Yes. Please, please, change your mindset and outlook. You seriously need to recoup the funds that have been, quite literally, stolen from you. You have suffered a massive betrayal. Unconscionable. Intolerable. You must recognize it and treat it as such. Your wife has zeroed out your retirement and financial well-being because she is a greedy, disgusting thief and liar. The language is harsh, but, we must speak the truth. I am concerned in the extreme for your well-being. At your age, it will be …
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 02:29 PM
6

Doctor, you are in an enormous pile of shit. I’m not exaggerating. You are married to a liar and a thief. Worse, you are about to enter into a financial war. Your entire financial livelihood is at stake. Worst, you don’t even realize or recognize the calamity. Instead you’re yammering on about “fairness.” And you’re going to “ignore” the comments you perceive as unbalanced, or unfair? How about this: fuck the comments, and perhaps focus on the fact you are married to a female Bernie Madoff? Brot…
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 02:12 PM
1

Awful.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 03:00 AM
1

That length of time makes it worthwhile to pursue in court — if you have a winning argument. But your divorce agreement language may be her trump card.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 02:59 AM
1

That length of time makes it worthwhile to pursue in court — if you have a winning argument. But your divorce agreement language may be her trump card.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 02:59 AM
1

When does alimony expire?
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 09:43 AM
1

Put your retirement first. It’s not even close. Do not be a financial burden to your children, there are few things worse than not having your own shit together as you age. Your kids can buy super-cheap cars. Community college. Trade school. But there will be no bailout fund for you. Never forget this.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 08:10 PM
1

Keep fighting. Stay strong. And, have your lawyer demand an in-person status conference, with bench warrants for arrest to issue should either party fail to appear.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 07:54 PM
3

You better listen to your lawyer. She’s right, your ex wife’s plan is a disaster waiting to happen. And the last thing you want are unresolved asset splits, especially property, that hang around for years until being resolved. This atrocious “plan” you are considering assures you’ll be back in court, in just a few years, when the entire thing blows apart because the ex wife either failed to pay the mortgage, or in the future refuses to sell and/or refuses to provide you your appropriate share. T…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 07:47 PM
15

You'll be a slave for life, if that is indeed the outcome. You may need to look at living abroad, where there is no extradition to the United States. Not joking.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 06:52 AM
1

File immediately. File now. Do not let her, or her bum stepson, get a hand on your farm or inheritance. You must must must file immediately. Separate. And be very careful, her lawyer will be looking for any mistake concerning property commingling.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 04:34 PM
3

How do I get back on track and regain my composure? A direct answer to your question: get back on track with the divorce. Keep pushing the final dissolution forward. You need that divorce order. Keep it amicable. But stay focused on it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 06:02 PM
2

Bro, what in the ever loving fuck is going on here. It sounds like you won. You need some excellent legal advice on how you can begin to execute on your marital dissolution order now, even with an appeal filed. In particular, you need particularized advice on what exactly is “stayed” during the “pendency” of her appeal. Is the sanctions order stayed? What about property/asset division? There could be different answers for different portions of the divorce order. You need to know this. And you ne…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 02:20 PM
1

Whether they're married to a man or another woman makes no difference; the single difference is that another woman is far more likely to understand not wanting to stay stuck with someone who makes them miserable, rather than falling for the sunk cost fallacy…. whereas two women in a marriage are likely dealing with constant pressure to break it off anyway. Hence the higher divorce rates. This sounds like a reasonable analysis of the data. And I favor no-fault divorce: if someone doesn’t want to …
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 02:10 PM
1

(I don't at all get your point regarding lesbian marriages, why on earth would you assume two women in a marriage wouldn't have issues like anyone else? The only thing the divorce rate among lesbian partnerships demonstrates is that they're less likely to go in for the sunk-cost fallacy.) Really? The point is lost on you? Let me spell it out. That prior poster is littering the sub with posts claiming it's "men" ignoring their "wives," and this neglect, disregard, or disinterest is the cause of d…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 01:17 PM
2

Why. Why. Why. Why. Why.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 05:12 PM
4

Get divorced. Right now.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 04:31 PM
7

Bullshit. Females initiate the overwhelming number of divorces — and this markedly increased number holds true in both male-female pairings as well as female-female pairings, i.e. lesbian marriages. The indisputable fact is, female-female marriage partners file and initiate divorce at much higher rates than male-male marriage partners. Thus, whether one examines the data for male/female, male/male, or female/female pairings, it is females across-the-board who are filing and initiating divorce pr…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 11:53 AM
6

This poster simply fails to listen to rock-solid advice. If you continue as you are, you are going to get your ass handed to you inside of court, as well as out. And you will deserve it, because you have been repeatedly warned. Get smart. Get serious. Get a real fucking lawyer, and do whatever you have to do to retain one. Beg and borrow $10k for a retainer. If you can't, get a damn job, any job, save every last penny, and build up money for a retainer and ongoing legal expenses. You need to be …
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 05:53 AM
9

As far as divorces go, consider yourself fortunate. You are working out the dissolution amicably, favorably, efficiently. This is the very best you can hope for. It could be so much worse. You, or she, could have very expensive counsel filing frivolous motions over bullshit. Fighting in court over a couch or car — and the legal fees cost 10x the furniture, appliance, automobile, etc. Proceed amicably. Encourage it. Compliment yourselves for being adults. And you will be able to start fresh, with…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 05:46 PM
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