Reasonable Settlement Offer?

No-Tomorrow8150 · 2024-06-07T14:21:12+00:00

A couple things to consider are to use the CS calculating base CS plus a percentage of variable compensation. Many states do it that way. Alimony seems high. Did you factor in any assets like the house she would get as an offset to a portion of alimony. I don’t think you can get away with not splitting 401k. Of course if you settle out of court maybe but a judge would still need to approve the settlement.

Practical-Island-436 · 2024-05-10T02:47:58+00:00

You need a new lawyer man getting screwed on everything hard, wake up this is war, there's no prizes for "good people" in family court fight for every inch especially time with your kids.

whiskey_piker · 2024-05-07T20:42:52+00:00

You are being irrational. She is unhappy enough to file first so why would she care what you think is reasonable? Also, every court will shield a stay at home mommy’s “level of lifestyle”, so there is no incentive for her to be cooperative.

What is your attorney advising?

zemira_draper · 2024-05-07T18:35:18+00:00

I just settled in Utah and came out of mediation elated with the outcome. I’ve got an excellent lawyer who came highly recommended by others who used him. Pm me if you want more beta.

sak144 · 2024-05-07T18:07:05+00:00

Damn, I would love to sell you a car. Your opening offer is one that completely screws yourself. Not trying to be snarky, but you are offering a SAHM 58% of the assets and support that shrinks your $316,000 salary down to $116k. I'd just quit my job at that point - why even bother working what is probably a very stressful job if you take home 1/3 of what you make?

Your worst thing you agree to settle for is a 50/50 split and whatever support a judge likely mandates. If you can't get to that point, go to trial.

Reflog1791 · 2024-05-07T17:52:04+00:00

You are operating from a place of weakness if you are not willing to go back and forth. You only secure concessions by going back and forth.

Your strategy is currently, “I’ll take an acceptable offer if it’s over quickly and efficiently.” That’s an ok strategy but what your wife knows (that you don’t) is that your strategy is really, “don’t upset the apple cart”.

You need to be gentle but firm and crunch the damn numbers much much harder.

I think your strategy needs to be, “I will be a present and active father, we work the numbers from there.”

It’s a subtle shift in your thinking. Don’t operate with fear of contentious negotiations. Embrace the contentious negotiations as if your children’s futures rely upon it!

Build your proposals from a posture of, “I must protect my future to protect my children. My proposals are fair, lawful, reasonable, generous AND IN THE BEST INTERESTS OF THE CHILDREN.”

The reason I wrote this post is because any verbal agreements (such as not cohabitating too soon) are done and moot if they are not in the decree. My ex wife had new guy living in my old house 2 weeks after the ink was dry. They bait you with promises and switch you when the agreement is signed. Trust me dude you are not doing right by yourself or your kids if you don’t take the negotiations seriously in hopes of keeping your ex wifes emotions in check. You will lose on all fronts if you’re too scared to say, “no this doesn’t work for me. This is above and beyond what the judge would order. I’d rather let him or her settle this than accept this one sided offer.” And mean it.

captainchippsixx · 2024-05-07T17:19:40+00:00

Sounds like she is fixated on $100k. A year. Start with if you agree to her demand that you have an ask as well. A clause that she can’t come back for more if you are successful down the road. If you give In once without a tip your way, she will never stop. Negotiate it all.

There is lots of small things you need to. Be very specific. She doesn’t have to pay taxes on the money you give her. You do.

If she doesn’t get her way will she tie it up in court and lawyers fees?

What about college for the kids? When is child support end at what age? What about all the misc shit she is going to hit you up for kids sports expenses, all the little misc shit she is going to hit you up for more unless you have it built in the agreement. - how are you going to be taken off the house if she can’t qualify to make the loan payments? - what about life insurance yourself and hers.

Heavy_Guitar_4848 · 2024-05-07T15:37:34+00:00

Offer an alimony lump sum buyout. I tried to imagine myself a year from now when negotiating. I’d take the monthly cash flow over a lump sum. Also the house and equity is a big chip to play.

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2024-05-07T15:21:46+00:00

OP, she needs to get a job, like yesterday. Party time is over for her, and if that means the children need to go to daycare, oh well. Your previous arrangement was valid when you were together, not now.

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2024-05-07T15:09:21+00:00

58/42? No man, 50/50. And honestly, no, this is not a good deal.

Do you have an attorney? You're 100% getting screwed here if you take this.

She filed a few weeks ago.

If this is what she wants, then she needs to live the life of a 50/50 parent and get a full time job and live the life that comes with no longer being married with kids. This deal is her retaining the life of a married mom who then also gets to go run around with randos on days you're parenting.

She's indicated she'll not agree to anything below a total of $8k/month.

Its not about what she agrees to its about what the COURT says is happening - via state calcs for Child and spousal support, and if it comes to it what a judge says.

She can focus on being a full-time mom

And

I'm happy to enable her to continue to be a stay at home mom until our youngest is in school full time and then to only work what she chooses for a while

With all due respect... dude. If you allow this it becomes the norm, the status quo, she will never get a job if you're going to be shelling out 90-100k a year or MORE once you start getting raises and she takes you back to court for more CS. There would literally be no reason for her to obtain get gainful employment when shes got a FREE HOUSE and 100k a year in tax free income. And hell, there is nothing keeping her from up and selling the house once its all hers. Ive seen it happen! Spouse yells for the house and before the ink is dry on the decree its listed for sale.

YOU ARE STILL THINKING WITH YOUR MARRIED BRAIN. Please think with post-divorce guy brain. You are being a good husband and father. Commendable. But very dumb. She is no longer interested in being a wife. This is a business transaction now.

You need to do 50/50 custody and 50/50 on ALL marital assets. If she wants the home she's gonna have to pay you out something in addition to what you're keeping. I see you're saying 37-63 time - you will NEVER get the time back. Years from now you will absolutely regret it. You can NEVER make more time. And at 63% she will easily be able to argue she cannot work.

Do not screw future you so current you feels good about things. DO not give up the time with your kids. You'll never get it back. Do not move out. If this is what she wants then SHE needs to take action here. You're digging your own grave and then jumping in with a smile all for her benefit.

EDIT: If you dont have a lawyer get one and run this past them. She does not need to know you've got one but you NEED to think 10-20 years from now and know the consequences of what today will bring. IMO you're being set up as a cash cow for AT LEAST the next 14 years

WhatsTheFrequency2 · 2024-05-07T15:08:52+00:00

You and I make always the exact amount with similar incentives and this seems like an insanely poor offer. You’re giving her way too much. I’m offering a tiny fraction of that altho my wife works.

warwww · 2024-05-07T14:17:02+00:00

Setting himself on fire is what I see here. Not to sound jaded but there is a great chance her sentiment changes for the worse once a new man enters both her and your kids life.

You will not appease this person who no longer wants to be with you. Giving her everything will solve nothing.

We aren’t telling you to be vengeful etc but you must drop that feeling of guilt. At least one person must look out for the welfare of your kids.

Your kids lives are being turned upside down, are you not the least bit concerned about them? Use that concern to put yourself in a better position so that when they need you, and they will, that you are in such a position to be of foundational support to them.

kublakhan1816 · 2024-05-07T13:43:57+00:00

I thought alimony was taxed. You called it tax free. Child Support is not taxed. So increasing CS saves her money. Also it’s probably easier to increase child support. Her reducing her your CS by 50% and asking for this very large number for alimony seems like a bait-and-switch. I would worry she would ask for a modification immediately.

Also if she starts paying income taxes she will probably want to take back some of those kids for her taxes. Maybe all of them. You can’t really contract who claims them. And you would basically be lying on your taxes if you claim them. Usually the irs will just take the filing of who files first. If she never files or files second and doesn’t claim them then you’re good. But if you file second, which I bet you do file late or on April 15, and she has already filed and claimed the kids then your return will be rejected. Which will leave you scrambling on April 15. You or her could paper file on the second filing to trigger the irs looking into the matter. Then you’d get screwed in that investigation.

Moving so near by that you can make 50/50 visitation work sounds like a good plan.

Flashy_Yam967 · 2024-05-07T11:56:33+00:00

That is a stupid settlement offer. She gets almost 100k tax free. After you pay her and taxes you'll be making less than her, working your ass off and her job is the kids. She couldn't have dreamed of a better settlement.

This ie exactly why a prenup to exclude alimony is so necessary and it your state doesn't allow for alimony prenup, don't be married and live in such a state.

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2024-05-07T11:05:38+00:00

She’s trying to FIRE and you’re funding it.
Use the state CS calculator for CS. And will go down as kids age out
Duration of alimony? Generally 1 year for every 3 years of marriage. So 4 years in your case. She better be getting a job
What are your family expenses like? $2000 k a week? That’s a lot of money with no monthly debt support. Especially if you’re paying half of the kids expenses.
Who’s paying for cars, car insurance and repairs for the kids.
Who pays for college?
Who pays for dance, baseball, and other activities?
Is custody 50/50? If not - why not?

7, who pays for healthcare? And what percentage? And for who long?

Who is the decider about schools, activities, and whatnot? It better be you.
You need an income clause. If your income drops below $xxx your calculation need to change. Injuries, illness, layoffs all happen.
You need a clause about co-habitation and remarriage that ends alimony.
You’re feeling guilty and thus generous.

Think of this like a business deal. And quit asking her what she wants

warwww · 2024-05-07T10:19:12+00:00

Wow, it’s a win win for her. Earning more each month than some actual in fact families while having relationships with other men that you’ll be paying for in an underhanded way.

Why do men fall on their own swords for people that have proven themselves disloyal In the face of broken vows and now exposing their kids to having to be around other strange men.

I’m not suggesting that you be a terrible person while separating but look at the above. Guy is electively falling on his sword under the premise “but she is the mother of my kids”.

Reminds of the the guy that thought he was doing the right thing by giving her everything only to find a few weeks later another guy smoking black n milds on the porch that he built, durag on and jeans below his butt.

Or the other guy whose sons can’t even sleep at night as they have to hear the sounds of their mom’s sexual adventures in the room over most nights.

You are a man, part of that involves being a solid human, if not for yourself then for your kids. Do not self immolate yourself under the “mother of my kids nonsense”. That is all bs. I have never heard a woman say “but that is the father of my kids”.

You are human too, look after yourself as well.

No honor in running yourself into the ground.

Back in the day…work plow horses would be turned into glue once dead or “no longer useful”.

I know society and family courts in large view men as work plows but you are more than that.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-05-07T07:10:16+00:00

Doesn't Utah have a statutorily defined calculation for child support based upon net income, etc.? Is her child support request in line with that?

Title	Reasonable Settlement Offer?
Author	Turbulent_Disk_9529
Upvotes	4
Comments	40
Date	May 7, 2024 6:25 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1cm57j4/reasonable_settlement_offer/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/reasonable-settlement-offer.1517696 https://theredarchive.com/post/1517696

Comments

Do not screw future you so current you feels good about things. DO not give up the time with your kids. You'll never get it back. Do not move out. If this is what she wants then SHE needs to take action here. You're digging your own grave and then jumping in with a smile all for her benefit.