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sak144 Archive

View 7 posts and 196 comments by sak144 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

My ex did the same thing and I ended up agreeing to sign something very similar (but not without consulting my attorney first). Basically we used this as a negotiating point - I will sign this, however I am getting something in return (which was an agreement to waive support). Note that her rushing to buy a home has likely violated the judge's standstill orders on major financial decisions prior to the finalization of the split, so she really has put herself in a bad spot here and has effectivel…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 06:37 PM
20

Guys, Tom Brady, the GOAT of football with hundreds of millions of dollars, and model-like good looks and charisma is divorced due to his wife running off with her yoga instructor. If it happened to him, well.....
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 09:12 PM
21

What helps me cope is coming to terms that the money would have been gone had the marriage continued also. My terms also have carveouts that it can be reduced or eliminated if I suffer a reduction in income, so all-in-all, something I can live with, but am not happy about it. Marriage is a scam. Never doing it (legally on paper anyway) ever again.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 08:48 PM
7

That is the immediate "feel good" reaction. The "feel better and play the long game" reaction is get the police and attorney involved. Civil suit against the boyfriend for negligence and pain and suffering inflicted by the boyfriend's dog and his failure to control it. CPS investigates the house.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 04:17 AM
3

Well said. Acceptance is not about being happy about your situation or just rolling over and taking it. Acceptance is acknowledging your reality and then giving all of your humanly effort to change and improve the things you can and not spending a single ounce of energy on the things you can't. (See also: zen, peace, bliss)
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 05:39 PM
2

She should care as much about how her family members vote, as she should what sports teams they root for or what TV shows they enjoy. She's nuts. Unfortunately, you can never convince a crazy person that they are crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 05:56 PM
6

I see you haven't looked at Bumble. A solid 30% of women list in their bio "If you voted Trump, swipe left Ahole". I am an Independent and just shrug my shoulders and thank these crazy loons for self-identifying and saving me the aggravation of interacting with them. Mental illness is rampant
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 05:19 PM
2

Look, I've got red hat wearing Magas in my family too. I have a brother that wears the hats, T-shirts and goes to these rallies and at the end of the day, I just shrug my shoulders, laugh at him and just agree that we are different. Family is family. Anybody that lets politics break up family really has screws loose and needs to seek serious counseling to address their unhealthy fanaticism. This is no different than a family of Dallas Cowboy loving fans who decide to split apart a family because…
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 05:12 PM
3

Natural Selection wins again
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 03:53 PM
5

I regret I only have but one down vote to give.... 😂
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 03:52 PM
9

This is not meant to be political in any way whatsoever, just meant to be funny - but there is some social media women's movement going on where they are afraid of losing their abortion rights, so in response are dumping their husbands and boyfriends and refusing to have sex ever again. Well, if you have no partner and no sex, you won't need that abortion, right??? 😂 It is tough out there, stay safe and stay sane men, 😆
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 03:51 PM
17

Just to be clear here, Trump hasn't done anything to your family, unless he had some affair with your wife that isn't apparent. This is going to sound harsh, and please don't take offense, but I lack the comprehension to state it differently, but your wife sounds like a Grade A complete psycho. Either that, or there is something else impacting the marriage (an affair on her part?) and this is a timely and convenient excuse for her to use to end it. Women are known to come up with the most wild r…
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 03:35 PM
7

Boundaries are key. Have been hitting the dating circuit hard - nothing super serious - am just a people person and like being around women and am a changed person as a result of the toxic marriage. Am very quick to establish boundaries when appropriate (ex. No I will not cancel my already established plans so we can go to a movie on that night) and find women respect you much more that way. The whole "happy wife, happy life" mantra and teaching men to treat women like princesses is absolute gar…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/24 09:29 PM
8

Congrats on your 10 months! Somewhat similar situation - I was in a miserable marriage (no intimacy, was treated like a roommate and walking ATM and with constant disdain) and used alcohol to mask and blur out the pain. Voluntarily put myself into treatment because I knew that needed to be fixed, and I was rewarded by having a process server show up at the treatment facility and serve me with papers in front of everyone on my 30th day sober. She said something about that just being a coincidence…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/24 09:09 PM
16

Women and their number of divorced girlfriends also has a direct correlation to revenues and profits of the boxed wine and Meow Mix Corporations. 😂
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 02:21 AM
6

She makes the same amount of money as him, but wants cash and prizes of $50k for blowing up the family? LOL He's going to completely ignore the red flags and walk right into this trap. The correct answer here is: "Since we can't agree on this prenup, let's just maintain the status quo, which is boyfriend and girlfriend, since that is going great, right?" But hey, women make you do crazy things.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 02:16 PM
5

Traveling alone is a blast. I just got back today from Mexico. Imagine being able to do anything you want whenever you want the entire time without needing to keep to a schedule or being told somebody is too tired, or hungry, or grumpy. Not having to pose for staged pictures every 3 minutes that can be posted on Fakebook. It is only awkward the very first time you go to dinner and ask for a table for 1. After that, it is not a big deal. I love Florida, so would always recommend it, but October i…
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 11:32 PM
6

All men get married hoping that their wife will never change. All women marry hoping that they can change their man. Both end up disappointed.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 07:46 PM
2

Totally normal brother. The trauma one endures from a divorce is equal to the trauma from a death of a loved one according to psychologists. Give yourself some grace and understand that it's ok to feel off, lonely, nervous, confused given the massive change to your life. Now is when you get to rediscover you and even reinvent yourself in ways the old you would be amazed by. I would suggest you pick some activity you hear people talking about doing, but always thought "nah, that's just not me". M…
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 02:42 PM
25

Well, let's see...I am typing this from the lobby of an All Inclusive beach resort, inside for a few minutes because it was time to take a break from the sun. I booked this trip because it was my birthday and I needed to ask absolutely no one for permission to do it. I am staring at hotties in bikinis. At least half a dozen have smiled back. Haven't felt this "zen" in 20 years. Will hit the gym in a bit, then dinner, then pool, then will try to find a fishing charter tomorrow. What was the quest…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 08:45 PM
4

Good for you. You know how dogs will circle back to their vomit on the floor sometimes? Don't be that dog. We all know what she is in this analogy.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 12:04 AM
9

God, the stories I hear about nurses. Half the women who connect with me on the apps are nurses, lol. She is some other guy's problem now. Until he ditches her.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 12:02 AM
6

"I am a strong, independent, boss babe woman and don't need any man in my life for anything". Except to take his money from him after I've discarded him. Tell her you are perfectly happy and in love with her as boyfriend/girlfriend.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 06:39 PM
8

If something feels "off" or not right to you, but you can't quite make sense of it, or put it into words, TRUST YOUR GUT. You should never feel crazy or question your own sanity or view of things. If that is happening, you are being manipulated. Run. It does not get better, it only gets worse over time. It is perfectly normal to disagree with another person, but it is not normal for them to make you think that is somehow "abusive". You are being manipulated.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 12:54 PM
2

Would highly recommend hiring a personal trainer. They aren't crazy expensive and you can schedule one session a week with them and take everything you learn from them to the gym yourself. It's important to know what you can safely do without injuring yourself and also the right form. Hire somebody that knows that.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 12:16 AM
8

We all come into this world alone, naked and crying. And we all leave this world alone, naked and crying, while being chased by a tiger down the center of the Las Vegas Strip dragging behind the remnants of the stolen Porsche we just smashed during the escape from Mike Tyson's bodyguards. Work on yourself. Build your confidence and you'll discover there are 3.5 billion women on this planet. Probably at least 175,434,656 of them are even better soulmates.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 04:02 PM
10

How does any of this effect my kids? When in doubt on what to do, see #1 THE END
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 05:12 PM
13

Get to know her mom. That is a 100% preview of what you are going to get. Is the MIL nasty, controlling, insane and disrespectful to her spouse? Well, that is what you are going to get. Where do you think they learn it? Conversely, if the MIL is pleasant, believes in a loving intact family, low/no drama, and keeps herself in shape, congrats, you've picked a winner.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 07:11 PM
3

Video of OP working out: https://www.reddit.com/r/Wrasslin/comments/17s2ba9/scott_steiners_workout_video_is_exactly_what_you/
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 01:01 AM
5

The title of this reminds me of Big Poppa Pump Scott Steiner. Kudos OP!! Is that you, Booty Daddy? "LIFT HEAVY SHIT, GET JACKED" "WORK ON YOUR BACK. YOUR BACK NEEDS TO BE SO BIG YOU WALK THROUGH DOORS SIDEWAYS" "MAYBE IT'S RIGHT, MAYBE IT AIN'T" "CURLS FOR THE GIRLS" 😂🤣
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 12:35 AM
11

I ran into two old husband/wife acquaintances at the store today. "Wow, you look great!" - from both of them. I am getting really jacked and have been putting in 4/5 a weeks at the gym now for about 18 months and working with a trainer on drop sets and lifting until failure. Could crush my old 25-year old self. Confidence breeds confidence. Work hard gentlemen!
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 10:09 PM
6

Here, here! I love music and find it to be so therapeutic. Still have this memory seared into my head near the end when I was playing very mellow Motown music on a Sunday morning (on my computer no less), and I hear coming from upstairs, "Turn that shit down! I'm trying to relax!" Sorry, but Easy by the Commodores might be the most relaxing song in the world..... Now I have bluetooth speakers all over my house and play them whenever I want and as loud as I want. Peace
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 01:16 PM
9

I was called "sociopathic", not narcissist. I started to question my own sanity so much that I started seeing a therapist to figure out if I really was some sort of monster. As it turns out, the professional who actually deals with this type of stuff for a living introduced me to another overused term called "gaslighting". 😂 Stay safe out there gents. And when anyone diagnoses you with a personality disorder based on some stupid Facebook quiz or WebMD article, kindly tell them to GFO.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 04:37 PM
10

It's tough, but you have to let go. I built a business from zero, eventually sold it and turned that into the windfall that paid off the mortgage, funded college accounts for the kids, replaced two old cars and filled up a savings account. Life was perfect financially. As soon as the check cleared and the house was paid off, I got served with papers demanding "half". I have no doubt it was planned well in advance. I now sit in my re-mortgaged house. Life can be totally unfair sometimes, but I te…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 04:40 PM
3

You're depressed and rightfully so - this type of major life change is a depressing situation at first. But you don't fix a depressed mood by pouring alcohol (a depressant) on top it. That's the exact opposite of what you need. Planet Fitness costs $10 a month. Do it. I signed up two days after getting served with papers and like the fat, weak slob I was at the time, struggled doing 60 pound lat pulldowns. I could barely do a 40 pound bicep curl using both arms. Oh well, you start somewhere. But…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 08:52 PM
2

Exactly it. I've been out of practice for a long time and these apps are way different than what I was last used to. Just was looking for opinions from other guys that deal with this type of behavior. Just wanting to confirm that it isn't just me. (Or maybe it is and I need to know that). That was it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 06:11 PM
9

uh, no I think you wildly misinterpreted me. I highly doubt my ex has any idea I'm here and wouldn't care if she did.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 06:07 PM
9

Stay motivated. I started my own business, worked my ass off harder than ever before, had to not pay myself many times to make sure my employees were taken care of, Eventually it took off and I sold it for a life changing windfall. We agreed to use it to pay off the house so we'd never have a mortgage and fund the kids' college accounts. As soon as I paid off the house, she hit me with divorce papers and I had to buy back half of the house I just paid off by re-mortgaging it. Angry? You bet. Is …
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 02:19 PM
2

CAKE - I Will Survive
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 10:02 PM
3

Yep, I thank God every day that the moment I was surprise served with divorce papers he flipped a switch in my head. I immediately determined that I will never listen to anything she says again or ever let it impact me in any way (unless it involves the kids). There was a scene in the movie American Beauty where Kevin Spacey's character saw his wife cheating with the realtor and he says to her very non-chalantly: "You don't get to tell me what to do. Ever again". Had that same epiphany.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 01:41 PM
8

A big warning sign is contempt and whether she truly cares about your needs and well-being. My final few years were filled with all sorts of signs of contempt that I just brushed off and put up with instead of attacking them head-on when they happened, like: i) constantly talking over me and never having a two-way conversation; ii) telling me I was wrong on matters where I was provably correct such as things involving my job; iii) not showing the slightest interest in my life (e.g., she could no…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 01:22 PM
8

The next year or so of your life is going to be rough and filled with all sorts of emotions. No way around it. What you feel is totally normal. But you need to break free from the role of being "provider/protector/joy giver" and be very selfish during this time. That's how you are going to eventually heal. You now get to reinvent your life in any way you want without having to get buy-in or approval from her ever again on anything. Your only two priorities from this point forward are yourself an…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 01:13 PM
4

It's common. Isn't your time worth something too? My best tip is to avoid the ones that advertise the most. They advertise for a reason. Go to your county's clerk of court website and look up the names of attys used by high profile people in your area that went through a divorce. People who can hire anyone they want. That might be a good place to start and even if you don't hire them, just consulting with them blocks her from hiring them.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 07:21 PM
8

Counseling is an enormous waste of time, money and effort. Marriage counselors just exist to make the wife feel better and tell her that she is right. If you want to go just to say you did it, fine, but it is not going to fix a thing. You do however, want to start seeing your own personal therapist to vent to.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 02:41 PM
18

Hate to break it to you, but she cheated on you. And the details are way worse than anything she let on - he did nasty stuff with her that she doesn't even want to do with you anymore. You'll drive yourself nuts trying to get her to come clean, you'll only ever get half truths and when you start to get closer to the truth, she'll begin the gaslighting and accusing you of cheating and being a terrible person. That she only did this because it's all your fault. Here's my best advice for you: stop …
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 01:50 PM
23

My "healing journey": doing personal training with a trainer who got jacked while in prison and is trying to do the same for me (except for the prison part 😂); flying to the Cayman Islands on a whim because I wanted to grab some cuban cigars to bring home to enjoy when grilling; gutting my bathroom down to the studs and rebuilding it myself without contractors over six months because I wanted to learn some new skills; playing my music in the house as loud as I want whenever I want; giving up dri…
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/24 03:00 AM
10

Me too. I just think of Dave Chapelle/Charlie Murphy calling Rick James a "habitual line stepper". That's what we're dealing with - habitual line steppers. Am just rooting for some other lucky guy to hurry up and lock that down so that my alimony can end. A man can dream.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 08:32 PM
10

I'm not so sure it is. My kids are there and opened the door. They had to, because it's locked from the inside. It's not like they were going to refuse their mom entry. I also don't know if going nuclear is in anyone's best interests, even though that was my initial gut reaction. Just wanted to get views from people completely detached from the situation. REGARDLESS of any of this, it makes me appreciate my situation and have immense gratitude for how free of drama my life is now (exception of t…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 06:03 PM
3

I don't know......according to the Crazy/Hot Matrix (avail on youtube), unicorns don't exist, or else he's dating a dude. LOL, just joking around, congrats.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 03:05 PM
7

First thing I did when the decree was finalized and I don't regret it for a second. The idea of raising more kids while I am collecting Social Security is frightening.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 02:40 PM
16

I guess there's a first time for everything, but I actually side with the ex-wife on this one. What were you thinking? It seems very manipulative to me what you did that you were almost hoping for this reaction so you could say sorry kids, I was the good guy and she acted bad here. Dude, what are you doing? Just help the kids buy a little gift or card for her and let them give it to her on their time. You didn't need to inject yourself like this into Mother's Day. Grow up.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 02:30 PM
7

I went and got an amazing therapist who basically convinced me that it was time for me to be very selfish in making sure I was happy and that my needs were fulfilled going forward. No more worrying about being super husband, super dad, super worker, none of that. Just focus on myself because my kids and my future partner (if I ever find one) need me to be happy and healthy. And unless I grow and become happy with myself, then all of this is just useless effort. Thank god I chose to listen to him…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 01:40 AM
4

Damn, I would love to sell you a car. Your opening offer is one that completely screws yourself. Not trying to be snarky, but you are offering a SAHM 58% of the assets and support that shrinks your $316,000 salary down to $116k. I'd just quit my job at that point - why even bother working what is probably a very stressful job if you take home 1/3 of what you make? Your worst thing you agree to settle for is a 50/50 split and whatever support a judge likely mandates. If you can't get to that poin…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/24 06:07 PM
7

Pretty sure I saw that on a Hallmark card at the store.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 07:07 PM
7

No idea and don't really care. We're hitting up a place I suggested and wanted to go to. Just having fun and enjoying my newfound life. You can either live your life miserable and cynical or choose to embrace the giant shit sandwich you've been handed and make the best of it. I choose the latter.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 02:44 PM
6

I'm the same age as you bro and get it. This is no different than experiencing a death in the family. The loss is that severe from a psychological standpoint. But just focus on you and finding what makes you happy and make it so you enjoy your own company. Once you figure that out, you will be naturally happy and fun to be around and the "chicas" will be drawn to you like a magnet.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 01:26 PM
1

I mean, on Tinder it's pretty damn obvious when you see the multitudes of AI-generated Chinese women with the names "Sarah" or "Chastity", but I've been having a pretty good hit rate on the apps. Have dinner lined up this week from them. If you just use them for fun and as a way to expand your social circle and have reasons to get out of the house, they can be a blast.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 01:23 PM
2

good job
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 01:15 PM
6

I have my kids pick out a card any buy them an Amazon gift card to put in it. I remember soooooo many boxes from Amazon coming to the house.....sometimes four or five a day in separate deliveries. Every day. 😂
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 01:14 PM
3

Go to youtube. Look up Razor Ramon - chicas are for fun!. Study that. Be him 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 12:53 AM
12

Been there, done that. Bitching to a worthless therapist who prescribed all sorts of SSRIs that made things worse. Bitching to common friends and acquaintances. Bitching to my own parents behind my back. You are at the it's over point. It's just not official yet.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/24 08:06 PM
8

Plymouth Prowler. The crazy purple color that makes me look like a huge Prince fan. 😂 Yeah, I know it's not a Shelby Cobra, but I always loved the look of that car.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 10:28 PM
16

When someone gets bitten by a rattlesnake, they don't want to ask the snake why they did that. Don't reach out. She has showed you who she is. Speak to an attorney and be ready for a fight.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 01:28 PM
2

What you are describing is ok. You are trying to find yourself and discover what makes you happy. Don't beat yourself up over not sticking with something or bouncing around from interest to interest. It's actually pretty healthy after spending most of your adult life as "us" and a couple - you're trying to figure out what will bring joy to you in your new life. Keep on trucking brother. I suggest buying a cheap drone; fishing; a little bit different spin on gym work like yoga; learning how to be…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 05:43 PM
6

Chipper Jones, Braves 3rd baseman, called it a Slump Buster
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 04:14 AM
16

My switch switched the day I was surprise served with papers. In a public place where it was designed to cause maximum embarrassment and pain for me. I just felt a voice in my head say "you tried your best. And now it's time to treat this like a business negotiation which you've been training your whole career for. This person is not your friend. Time to fight and win". And like that I had peace for the first time in forever. Also after having some real problems with alcohol, I've never had anot…
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 03:45 AM
9

I used to not be very religious and would raise an eyebrow at some of the stories out of the Bible as pretty hokey and somewhat weird. But this process has made me a full Adam and Eve believer. Listen to these women and they'll inevitably lead you down the wrong path and destroy literally the entire world/Garden of Eden with their emotional choices. LOL
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 02:38 PM
3

Peace. It's hell while you're going through it, but afterwards, just sheer peace. No more bullshit. No more being criticized for insanely stupid stuff. As it turns out, I guess I was loading the dishwasher and drying clothes correctly the whole time after all...also, women do find me pretty attractive. And my hobbies and interests are pretty cool too. Being able to be yourself and not walk on eggshells. Just being able to genuinely smile at small things. To wake up and be excited and not miserab…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 05:56 PM
9

LOL. I have yet to meet a single woman who has said "you know, we both shared a role in that relationship not working out. oh well". When I find that unicorn, I'll report back. Some of the stories and blame shifting I have heard are incredible. Like the one whose ex-hubby who definitely had to be gay. But you had kids, right? Oh well, onward!
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 03:03 PM
5

Hell yes it is. I jokingly still say that the fiery anger inside of me lights my way and keeps me warm. LOL
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 08:27 PM
8

This needs to be your wake up call that no one ever is going to break you or crap all over you ever again. You checking out of this world just hands a big "W" to the person who treated you like garbage. Why would you just give that to somebody? This is your call to start thinking only about yourself and your kids. Full stop. That means a lot of changes, hard work, but also a ton of reward and ability to recreate your life in any way you want. Start small. Focus on your kids and only your kids. A…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 06:49 PM
5

Why are you letting your girlfriend tell you to walk away from time with your own kids? I'm embarrassed for you - are you for real? If you came here for sympathy or looking for support for a decision like that, you aren't getting it and are a complete [NOT SAYING IT] frankly. Man up and ditch the crappy girlfriend bro.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 06:33 PM
2

YEP. I use them just because unfortunately that's the dating world nowadays. I love travel too - have hit 45 states and 14 countries and make sure to let that be known that it is a passion of mine. I can't tell you how many women hit me up on those apps and ask "where are you taking me and when are we going?" As a first intro. It would be easier if they just stated, "I am willing to be a prostitute for a fun trip". Strong and independent.....HAHA, you are welcome to come along if we get along wi…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 02:34 PM
5

This is the toughest part of it. You need to really be at the top of your game mentally right now. Carry a voice activated recorder on you at all times. Practice grey rock and mediation/yoga can help you get good at this. Do not drink alcohol at all - not even once. You are only screwing yourself. I got stone cold sober during mine and never plan to drink again. You'll deal with wild stuff - I remember being told "I don't feel safe around you", having CPS come to my house to talk to my kids, bei…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 09:50 PM
8

Yes - similar story. 47m, 17 years. Dealt with someone who was completely incapable of thinking of anyone except themself. An only child that was completely spoiled and toxic as hell, etc, etc. Though I accept that I had my own role in things falling apart, by harboring resentments and lashing out instead of establishing uncrossable boundaries. I was a little bitch, rather than someone who was strong and led the relationship. You'll have fits and starts, but things will get better, even way bett…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 03:52 PM
9

Nope, not when you already have kids. It's gold digger insurance.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 03:46 PM
3

The smoke is the freakiest part. LOL
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 03:23 PM
17

Very first thing I did when the papers were finalized. No one will ever take advantage of me financially ever again.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 03:22 PM
3

Yes, yes, yes. I'm in my late 40s and have pecs. Energy through the roof. When you look good and feel good, it's a self-fulfilling loop that builds confidence and causes good things.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 12:04 AM
3

Congrats! Very similar story here. Except she served me with papers at the treatment facility on my 30th day sober. A light switch flipped that day and I am proud to be nearly 18 months sober and happily single now. It is amazing how many marriages end when one party makes positive changes in their life but the other thinks they have absolutely nothing to work on. Keep your sobriety and serenity the top priority in your life!!
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 08:33 PM
6

IF you even respond to them, which it might just be best to ignore them completely, you should only say: "my wife is using you to harass me and try to gain an upper hand in this dispute. I deny anything she says as none of it is supported by any facts whatsoever".
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 01:31 PM
9

Yep. Worst things guys to do sabotage themselves: i) Think with their dick and get into a scarcity mindset (e.g., she's as hot of a girl as I'll get); ii) Don't set strong and healthy boundaries (e.g., you act like a psycho and I will dump your ass and not look back - this is your one and only warning); iii) "Happy Wife, Happy Life" - the biggest bullshit line ever
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 01:10 PM
1

Ha, you my friend are living the dream.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 12:49 PM
9

Similar story. I can remember going to bed at night praying that I wouldn't wake up the next day. Fast forward to today and my biggest stress is not having enough hours or minutes in the day. What you have been dealing with is abuse plain and simple. It's just that guys are supposed to be tough and suck it up and certainly don't ever push back. Eff that. Embrace your new lease on life and work on healing and living how you want to live. I promise you, it does get better.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 12:33 PM
5

This is the best advice. HELOC all the way in your situation.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 06:56 PM
3

I kept it so my kids would have some stability in their lives. Once in a while when alone you think about the ghosts of the past, but it's really not that bad. Am glad to have kept it. If your finances won't be much different, it is a no brainer to keep it vs. moving to the mobile home park.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 12:04 PM
1

Congrats on finding the unicorn. Follow the advice of the great philosophical band .38 Special and "Hold on Loosely" to that.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/24 04:47 PM
15

I jumped into it pretty quickly because I knew I'd need some practice. It was 20 years since I had any "game", so the best way to learn how the dating world has changed was just to practice by going out on dates and meeting people. Did not have any sort of relationship in mind and really still don't. I've learned a few things and that it is a complete shitshow out there. i) I went out with women who let slip on the date that they weren't actually divorced, just "in process/thinking about it". Th…
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/24 04:28 PM
4

Nurses. Oh man the stories I hear about nurses. Banging each other and everyone in random places all over the place. If you married a nurse, you have my deepest sympathies.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 04:43 PM
4

If that lawyer is truly screwing you, don't be afraid to go nuclear to stand up for yourself. Every state has a BAR Assocation with a Grievance Committee and an Office of Disciplinary Counsel usually overseen by their Supreme Court. If her atty is willfully and knowingly utilizing the courts to harass you for accusations that have already been thrown out of court and been disproven, report that lawyer to each of these bodies and ask for sanctions. Just them having this on their record and having…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 02:42 PM
3

In the gym; leveled up another weight plate on the bicep and pec fly machine. Am more ripped than my 25-year-younger self. Went shopping and bought myself some healthy food; enjoying a post-workout meal & protein shake w/ creatine. Watching what I want on TV. Pretty damn relaxing day.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 02:09 AM
3

Stop sending her money unless it is court ordered. What are you doing???
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 09:07 PM
5

Her demands are outrageous. You also are in Florida which recently made alimony much more male friendly. No one here is going to be able to tell you what a judge is going to decide. They have wide discretion to do what they want, but generally, would award alimony that would equalize your incomes 60/40 for a year for every three years of marriage. But that is all general info and why you need a competent attorney. You are very close to retirement. If I was in your shoes, I'd be willing to take m…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 09:05 PM
2

A Lexus. Or a matching pair of Lexuses. That's what the commercials show.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 07:58 PM
11

You keep posting on here every week with these same updates, but are you listening to any advice people give you? Give her your LLC in which you currently work and bring in all the revenue at the value she is saying. Pay off the tax debts out of joint assets. Tell her "good luck" on the alimony demands and tell her you'll see her in court. ANYONE can make ANY demand they want, no matter how outrageous. Why are you anchoring to her alimony demands? Respond to that demand that YOU are demanding th…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 07:38 PM
4

I Will Survive - Cake
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 08:06 PM
14

Record every interaction. The fake DVRO is your tipoff that she is willing to go nuclear and make up anything to try to gain an upper hand. It getting denied is just going to have her redouble her efforts on plotting and planning something even worse. Be stoic - don't ever react to the nonsense or drama. "Ok" is a perfectly complete and acceptable answer to anything she says. No matter what it is. What I found helped was to convince myself over and over to visualize her as a spoiled little child…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 05:46 PM
5

I do all of the cooking too (same as always, including for the kids), but just rinse off all plates and dishes in the sink immediately and load them into the dishwasher and run it when full. That thing was running twice a day before, and I have no clue why. I laugh now remembering being yelled at constantly that you must wash and scrub dishes thoroughly in the sink first before loading them. I said that's not right, you just need to rinse off the heavily caked on food that might dry and stick an…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 08:59 PM
21

We had a cleaning crew come in every week to wash dishes, floors, bathrooms, etc. $300 a week because all that stuff "was just too hard". The place was always a wreck regardless. My house now is cleaner than ever and I am actually shocked just how easy it is to clean a house. Washing machines, dishwasher, vacuuming, Swiffer, the disposable toilet scrubbing brushes....not too hard to get all housework done during commercial breaks for a random movie on TV or just an hour or two of downtime. The p…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 08:47 PM
2

Talk to an accountant. There are ramifications for filing separate, such as you will likely lose deductions that were likely otherwise available to you, though that may not matter if you do not itemize. In the majority of cases, filing joint is a better situation, and lowers your overall tax burden, but everyone is different.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 04:22 PM
3

Nevada corporations can be formed while keeping the owner completely anonymous, needing only a registered agent in the state. DISCLAIMER: Not tax or legal advice. Do your own diligence.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 09:47 PM
5

So the statement "Believe All Women" is worthy of censorship according to that line of logic. hmmm
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 08:23 PM
16

Uh oh, look who's back! My advice - (not specifically directed at you - just in general): always use those protective seat covers on public toilets.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 03:41 PM
4

That's quite the business model. I would never allow a volunteer access to my business, because I'd get exactly what I paid for their time.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 02:15 PM
5

Sometimes being an asshole is not so bad. Especially when confronted with people who are trying to use you or take advantage of your kind nature. I was also raised that marriage is a lifetime commitment and deep down still kind of want to believe it, in spite of my ex casually blowing up the whole family. Go on youtube and listen to Denis Leary's "Asshole" song a few times and laugh.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 02:42 PM
5

[ Removed by Reddit ]
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 01:33 PM
2

And I'll just add to that: if I'm going through what you are at age 58, I strongly consider accelerating my retirement and heading off to Turks and Caicos with every asset I control. No extradition and good luck getting to me there. Also, a very friendly permanent resident and passport program. Not exaggerating when I say that given the amount of money at stake.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 06:34 PM
2

You need to sit down and get a grasp on things and strategize. One thing that jumps out at me is that you disagree on the value of the business. Are you the guy that said you are a chiropractor and run your own practice? If so, then that business is worth $0 without you actually working for it. Lean into what they are saying - they are saying the business is worth $400,000. Make them think it's worth even more than that and factor that into the asset split. Then you quit working for the business…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 05:51 PM
3

Join a social club. Elks, Kiwanis, Mason Lodge, Eagles, Oddfellows...there are a bunch of them.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 08:20 PM
4

Find a Nordstrom's store near you and schedule a style consultation. This is free and you can schedule online. They will help you pick out stylish clothes that fit you. They'd like it if you buy them there, but there is absolutely no obligation to do that at all. Go there, figure out your style and go buy what fits at Macys or somewhere else if you like. Or if there are one or two really sharp outfits that you're willing to pay up for because they are perfect, buy them at Nordstroms. Stitch Fix …
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 08:15 PM
6

Go get tech certifications. No one gives a shit what college you went to or didn't if you have those certs in hand. Maybe go for Certified ScrumMaster (CSM) or Cisco Certified Network Professional (CCNP) to start. Get in the door of a firm that needs that and just work your butt off. The big secret of the business world is that once you are in the door, no one ever again cares what college you went to (or didn't) until you interview again.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 05:11 AM
2

As long as you specify they are to be used for the sole benefit of the kids, it should be fine leaving as is and excluding from the split. She may demand to see statements similar to my rights.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 11:16 PM
5

no way
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 10:55 PM
2

My decree left her in control of them with proceeds to be used for the sole benefit of the kids and I am entitled to see statements and have input on any withdrawal from the accounts. Your attorney should be able to draft something similar. They were excluded from the 50/50 split because of this language they aren't considered either "mine" or "hers" assets even though she controls them since somebody over 18 has to.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 10:51 PM
13

Extremely common. Mine said things toward the end like "I don't feel safe". HUH? I never laid a finger on her or ever threatened to do anything like that. I was a great provider for our family - they never wanted for anything and I mean anything in life. In hindsight, my big mistake was that I put her on too much of a pedestal and didn't put my foot down on her pathetic laziness (5 or 6 hours a day of Facebook) and crazy behavior. She even orchestrated a CPS visit to the house which was one of t…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 10:25 PM
3

If you think it's truly over, "I Will Survive" by Cake. That cover is way better than even the original and will put you in the right mindset. https://youtu.be/f9rCUQjmkxU
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 02:57 PM
3

Good News/Bad News: Good - as a physician, she has a lot to lose both financially as well as maybe reputation-wise if the marriage tanks. Use that to your advantage and put your foot down that her controlling paranoid behavior must stop immediately. Bad - she sounds nuts. 27 cameras, tracking devices and wanting to know where you are all hours and possibly jealous of a nanny she likely had a huge say in selecting? She frankly sounds insecure and unstable. Don't let it impact your mental health a…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 03:39 PM
17

Projection. She is cheating and trying to force you into doing the same with this behavior, so she can tell everybody "see, he was the bad guy who destroyed our relationship". Either way, tell her this stops right now and you won't allow her to ever again falsely accuse you of nonsense. Tell her you love her but don't need her and are happy to part ways if that is a problem. Take control of the crazy she is trying to inject to your psyche.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 02:49 PM
4

OP forgot to mention the downside that when he wears shorts in the summer, he has to masking tape the legs so his rod of god doesn't fall out and drag on the pavement behind him.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 11:16 PM
1

Violence is never the answer, but in this case, I'd have zero qualms whatsoever knocking the old man's teeth out and stomping him within 2 inches of his life. WTF As far as her, just smile, say nothing and walk away.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 06:00 PM
4

American Beauty. He also quit his high paying corporate job and went to work at McDonalds so he wouldn't have to pay her support. Also blackmailed his boss into paying him a massive severance and started working out nonstop and getting laid by the girl next door. Great movie despite Kevin Spacey being a complete sleazeball in real life.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 06:04 PM
6

Wayne Gretzky said you miss 100% of the shots you never take. Just take shots and if you miss, who cares. Take another one.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 04:35 PM
6

Don't frame it as doing this to impress women. You are doing it for your own physical and mental health. Now is the time to be selfish. Improve yourself for your own benefit.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 04:32 PM
7

Peace. I hate being alone, but I have utter and complete peace in my life. No more games, inane arguments over nothing, no more "shit tests". Just peace. I thank God every day for my serenity, even on my rough days.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 09:40 PM
10

I'm pretty sure Biz Markie wrote an entire song about this.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 06:30 PM
1

We used a payroll company like this (not ADP, but Insperity). Basically, they debit the business' checking account once every two weeks for the exact amount of payroll and benefits. There's no slush fund or savings built up with ADP. It's pay as you go twice a month. EDITED TO ADD: I can't fathom any way she could hide money through ADP, but one thing she could do is prepay a ton of business expenses. So for instance, our financial company was required to own very expensive E&O insurance with pr…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 04:25 PM
9

The gym could be dangerous. Yes, and crossing the street could be dangerous too. Also, eating healthy could be dangerous because you might have an undiagnosed food allergy. This is some seriously bad "advice?" and am not sure why you'd post this here.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/23 05:41 PM
9

"Wife #1" Don't worry, I never intend to have a #2. That was what Ric Flair calls his ex wife and I laughed hysterically when I heard it. Stole it from him.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 12:09 AM
2

Exactly. Calm your ass down. You have that attitude and a lawyer is going to rob you of everything you own, not your ex. This is now a business transaction. Pure and simple. Yes, emotions will run high and your negotiating adversary will try every trick in the book to get one over on you, but would you scream and yell and attempt to ruin somebody in a negotiation in a business setting? No you wouldn't. You'd strategize on how to counter them and ultimately get want you want. Get that anger out o…
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 06:05 PM
8

I hate you, but not really man. LOL
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 04:48 AM
6

Are you working on yourself? You need to feel good about yourself as a man and get some swagger into your life. Are you working out? Are you doing the little things everyday that will make you proud of yourself, like maintaining a clean and orderly place to live and kicking butt in your career? Focus on that stuff first and the women will come. You can't rely on any other person to bring happiness to your life. It has to be internal. Many of us learned that the hard way.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 03:24 AM
1

^ This is essentially the equation calculated in determining whether to marry. I won't ever do it again and be forced by a corrupt court and legal system to hand over what I worked so hard for. Plus, being in a relationship where either side can walk at any time without any financial blackmail hanging over the other keeps everyone on their best behavior.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 04:26 PM
21

You're being a human being. Don't beat yourself up over this. You're being the better person and karma has a way of rewarding people's good actions. But look very carefully at some things you said: you opened up about how her actions made you feel. Did she immediately come to the shocking realization that she crushed somebody with her behavior? Was there a look of horror of "what did I do"? If no, you are not getting reciprocal love and respect, you are getting used. It's ok to comfort the mothe…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 12:54 PM
0

She's is for a rude awakening - through a foreclosure action you cannot purchase the asset you are having foreclosed upon. It is considered bank fraud. She could negotiate a short sale, but that is entirely dependent on the bank (and you) agreeing to play ball. That mortgage is likely owned by Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac, so good luck. It isn't happening. Her father is lucky he did not serve time for that stunt. I would talk to your attorney and have them file an emergency order awarding you the h…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 06:04 PM
2

I would agree with you, but unfortunately that is not the world we live in. These laws awarding cash and prizes to wives for walking away from marriages is why the divorce rate is so high (ask me how I know).
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 05:52 PM
2

That is a crappy move on his part if how it shook out, but the court would basically say you each both own half of the debt on it. If after netting out the debt, your car is worth less than his, you might be able to make the case that you are owed a bit more to equal out the values (net of debt) between the two vehicles assuming his has no loan.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 05:26 PM
4

a) I think you've found the wrong sub to be asking these questions, but we will try to help; b) some details about your story don't really seem to add up. Are you also accepting the role that you played in the marriage ending and honest about what happened? Very, very rarely is it 100% one side's fault or the other. c) Asset division should be very easy. It is the easiest part of a divorce. Add up all of your assets and all of your debts and split them down the middle. That is in all likelihood …
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 05:01 PM
2

LOL, congrats? Until the plot twist where the paralegal was feeding you fake info (hopefully not)
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 07:58 PM
5

Yes, I can remember those days. I can't tell you how many frustrating hours a day I spent watching her sit on the couch to "catch up on her newsfeed" and basically be oblivious to the entire world except for that damn phone. Same issue with gifts. I always liked to give and spent time thinking about exactly what would make a good gift for someone. Her answer? I'm going to give you cash because you already have everything you want and I don't know what to get you. Truth was, she didn't want to sp…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 04:53 PM
19

Nah, I'm convinced it is just a total crapshoot. One in which your odds of losing are about 70%. Proceed accordingly.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 04:41 PM
2

Congrats on your 2.5 years! Working on 1.5 myself and ironically haven't touched a drink since she dropped her bombshell on the family. That was the day when all of the mind games, drama and walking on eggshells immediately all lost their power. Coincidence?
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 04:38 PM
1

You can do it. I was definitely not in peak physical shape. But am now. 50 years old and I could easily kick my 25-year old self's ass in just about any physical activity. Never could do a pull up before, now can do a bunch. Have pecs instead of man boobs. But that took about 9 to 12 months of 4- 5-day a weeks in the gym. It takes time, but man, is it worth it for your self confidence and well being. Create a routine for yourself. For instance today, I've given up on my favorite football team be…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 04:23 PM
6

Peace. Just pure peace. I was in a bad spot toward the end of the marriage with my mental health in the dumps and was drinking too much as a way to cope. My confidence was shot. Was walking on eggshells constantly and a mental basketcase. Interestingly, since getting served with papers, I have not had a single drop of alcohol. Almost like a light switch was flipped. 14 months and counting, which is the longest time of my entire adult life without drinking. I plan on making this a life long habit…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 05:02 PM
20

It doesn't have to be a "death sentence". It certainly feels that way when you are in the thick of it, but you need to focus on the things that you can actually control. First, yourself. Sounds like you are about 36 years old, so you have some of the best years of your life ahead. You are 11 years younger than when I went through this. Get to the gym. Don't drink. When you have the sheer anger and rage come over you from the insane BS these women pull, take all that frustration out on weights. I…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/23 05:41 PM
10

If you've agreed on this, then just sign the papers and make it official so you can work on bettering your own life. HINT: When you officially file, the "amicable" agreement you thought you had will go out the window and she will go ballistic because she can no longer use you and walk all over you. You need to swallow the pill and get through this. If you don't respect yourself, no woman (and this one clearly doesn't) ever will.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 05:27 PM
13

I am really having a hard time following what you are doing here. Not trying to be rude, but sometimes guys need a kick from reality from another guy. You are giving her free health insurance and a built-in babysitter while she bangs her gamer friend and get nothing in return here. Have some self respect man. You are acting like a pathetic simp. I mean that in the most helpful and non-confrontational manner possible from one guy to another.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 05:16 PM
3

Congratulations on your sobriety and good for you to own your past mistakes. Remember that you aren't in control and can't change other people. Keep doing the next right thing and what is meant to happen will happen.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 12:17 AM
3

Appreciate the outside perspective. Ughhh. Am off to the gym now to take out my frustration on the weights!
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/23 07:46 PM
4

Don't sign anything to remove yourself from the title until the refi occurs. This can all be done simultaneously - your atty should be helping you with this. Once you sign that quitclaim and it is filed, you aren't getting back on the title. You need to make sure the refi is in place simultaneously. EDITED TO ADD: The other comments here that your agreement should give her a specified amount of time to get the refi are correct if she says she needs time. Say 3 months. If it isn't in place by the…
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 03:17 PM
3

I like cargo shorts. But lined up a date with a really hot girl and she said "I hope you don't wear cargo shorts". LOL Yes, burn them.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 10:30 PM
3

Work on fit. I found that most of my clothes were baggy, which while comfortable, really isn't flattering. I actually shrunk my wardrobe from a Large to a Medium and it looks 1000% better. Don't be afraid to select louder colors or ones different from your typical blue/black/grey. It feels weird at first, but really helps you stand out fashion-wise. Find a fancy store like Nordstroms. They will book a fashion consultation with you and help you put together a wardrobe plan. Even Macys has shopper…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 08:50 PM
21

The women from the _Divorce sub lurk here and downvote and troll helpful truthful comments where guys help other guys.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 07:32 PM
27

Work on rocking the single dad life. Your story is a common one - women today have no qualms at all about blowing up their families. Self-centered, social media generation and a corrupt family court system enables it. Just work on yourself, be the best dad you can and find lots of productive things to occupy your free time. Honestly, once you get past the initial shock and anger, there are women crawling out of the woodwork wanting to spend time with you and have those adult conversations with y…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 06:30 PM
12

My ex did this. She went under contract on a house before the divorce was finalized, which violated our mutual restraining order on finances. BUT, I took that and said, sure, we'll do the asset split right now if you quit claim the current house into my name. Win/Win. And it brought things to a close much quicker. I should add, had my lawyer review all of this to make sure it was done correctly and appropriately. If she is leaving the house use this as a way to just split everything now and get …
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 02:45 AM
12

Men get married hoping their wife will never change. Women marry hoping their husband will change. Both are disappointed.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 05:56 PM
14

Consider yourself very lucky you found out now. If you found that out 15 years down the road, you could never get those years back and you'd be not only wrecked emotionally, but financially too. Congratulate yourself on the big victory.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 05:22 PM
18

Went through the same situation almost exactly. 18 year marriage, 2 kids and she just walked and took all of the savings I spend a working life building to go buy another house and "be her best self". I know she was cheered on by fat, wine box-drinking, bitter old hag friends who hit the wall and wanted company. You will go through anger and resentment. But you will also realize peace in your life that you haven't felt since you were a kid. No more walking on eggshells; no more reduced to beggin…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 02:54 PM
3

I always found this advice to be way too generalized and frankly idiotic. I started dating almost immediately and am glad I did. Was also working on myself like a maniac the entire time - gym, therapy, enjoying my own company, self improvement, reading No More Mr. Nice Guy, etc. Was not looking to find the next "one", just wanted to have a fun distraction every once in a while and work on my social game a little bit and expand my network. It would be absolutely counterproductive to deprive mysel…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 05:04 PM
58

Facebook here. Hours and hours of mindless scrolling through Facebook like a braindead zombie while life went on all around. Same blank stare and "huh? you were saying something?" F'ing embarrassing for a middle aged person (mentally, just an overgrown child) to do that.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 04:07 PM
2

Sounds like you are doing many things right, except for the alcohol - cut that out and get your dopamine rush from somewhere else. Maybe I'd suggest joining a boxing club or taking ju-jitsu, or buying a classic car to fix up. Make a "this sounds really fun, though I'd never be able to do this" list and make a point of doing one of those things every few months. Alcohol is a terrible depressant and it actually makes you age physically. Cut it out. In time, you'll be ready to get back out there wi…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 04:34 PM
5

Nah, it really doesn't say anything about you, except for maybe your ability to successfully vet and choose a partner - though many women are very good at hiding just how crazy they are until something breaks like this. You are not unusual or alone in that respect. Not your circus, not your monkey anymore. Enjoy life and do not spend a ton of energy trying to understand how women think - it's all 100% emotion and feelings driven which is subject to wild swings on any given day. Rational thought …
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 04:19 PM
6

Tell her you are more than happy to let a judge decide it and the judge will 99.9999% take your two values and split the difference right down the middle. Any cost she incurs if selling the house in the future once the buyout is complete are her problem. Tell her you are also happy to have a judge decide that and 100.00000% the judge will tell her no on you funding any of the future realtor costs. Depending on where you live, the market may still be rising due to inflation and a lack of houses o…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 04:09 PM
2

I kept mine to ensure stability for my kids and am glad I did it. Love the house - did a lot of the improvements myself and the location is great. Could not buy anything comparable for anywhere near the price now. You can put your own stamp on it when she leaves - remodel, redecorate and do anything you want. If you like it, try to keep it. I think the kids need that stable anchor.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 12:22 AM
3

I should add, you can use your half in trade for other assets you may want to keep. Example: if you want the house, she gives you equity in an equal amount in exchange for you not touching the pension. Don't screw yourself by not having an attorney when she has one.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 12:12 AM
4

It can be divided just like a 401k, but you need to hire an actuary to calculate the value of it. Basically, they do a net present value assumption of all of the future lifetime income she'll get from it. Probably cost you in the range of $400 to $800 to have that valuation done by an actuary who also would agree to appear in court to testify to their calculation, if it gets to that point. Rough ballpark estimate based on her having 18 years of vesting service is that this is going to be a prett…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 12:10 AM
11

The process itself is pure hell. No other way to put it. The person you married and gave a solemn vow to that you'd stick by through sickness and health and anything just stabbed you in the back. It sucks. Good news is that once it is over, life gets better. In some respects, WAY, WAY better. But you have to take care of yourself. DO NOT drink to cope with your emotions. You have to feel them and fight through them. Hit the gym. It will help you work out the stress and anger you feel, and also s…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 03:34 PM
21

She's "allowing" you to stay in an RV? Dude, that is your house too. Come on - man up and stay in the house until you figure out how you're going to split things between you. If you have any doubt about how unfair that arrangement is for you, ask her to move into the RV. If she won't, ask yourself why.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 01:35 PM
10

I'm in the same boat. My job involves travel, but 95% of the time, I'm able to arrange the trips so that they fall on weeks when she has the kids. 50/50, week on/week off has been pretty much perfect. I love seeing my kids and that week with them is quality time. The week away is time to work on myself and do home projects, work extra hours, date, travel for fun and do basically whatever I want with no unwanted demands on my time. Even during those weeks, I find myself missing my kids and wishin…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 01:28 PM
3

Home equity line of credit. By your rough calculations, you'll owe her $125k (half of the equity). HELOCs are great because they usually have zero closing costs and you have flexibility to either lock in a fixed rate, or let it float. Mine even lets you switch between the two for a small fee. The underwriting process is way easier and more streamlined than a traditional mortgage. Alternative #2 would be a loan from your 401k. While it stinks to pay high interest, in the case of the 401k loan, yo…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/23 03:59 PM
33

If that truly happened, it's called bank fraud and wire fraud, which are federal felonies. Mandatory 5+ years in the federal pen. You need to make a report to the federal authorities pronto.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 01:38 PM
6

I guess what I am saying is that the trust is worth $0 in the eyes of family court. Because you will have a hard time piercing through it to even know what is in it. So family court is going to say, well, wife has $0 income and $0 assets, so let's give her half of the house, one of the cars, half of the 401k, and make husband pay her support which roughly equals half of his income on top of it. That's why I say you are in for a battle. You need very good representation.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 11:47 AM
12

Does her best childhood friend work for a firm with multiple attorneys? If yes, book a consultation with another attorney at the firm, and you will conflict the entire firm out from representing her. Get ready for a battle. Trusts are very tough to pierce. You are about to be screwed hard, especially being in NY.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 11:35 AM
13

This isn't really a civil matter - it's criminal at this point. She committed several felonies here. File criminal charges.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 12:02 AM
3

You might be onto something, but you still have a problem here with the title of the house. You will never be able to sell or refinance it in the future with her still on the deed. Basically, you have a "clouded title" right now that needs to be fixed. That would require her future signature and you better believe she'll be demanding half of the future value in order to do that. The longer you wait, the worse you are going to be screwed. You need to find some way to either have her execute a qui…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 02:38 PM
9

Don't hate women, just understand them better. Women lie. All of the time. Never listen to what they say, pay attention to what they do. View them as overgrown teenagers. They're flaky, not rational, and only do what their feelings tell them to do at any given moment. With that said, I still like women - a lot, but I now have a very healthy set of boundaries and will never let one run all over me and steal half of what I worked for again. Ironically, when you have that attitude, they want you ev…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 03:18 AM
8

Gym. It's great because it's typically open all hours of the day and night, so when you're feeling "off" mentally, just go there and push some iron or do cardio until you are tired and the frustration has passed. For me, yoga was a close #2. It's physical activity, but it also teaches you to be comfortable with your own thoughts and being in relative silence. Plus, a huge added positive is that 90% of the class are women and lots of yoga pants abound. That does wonders for your attitude and you …
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 06:54 PM
0

Serenity Prayer, even if you are not a religious person. Know what you can and can't control and you CAN'T control other people. Once you truly begin to live your life in that way, when people try to undermine you it just rolls off your back like water off of a duck. Don't ever let other people take up space inside your head rent-free. Common theme everywhere is that women are 100% incapable of recognizing their own faults or shortcomings and always need an enemy to blame for their difficulties …
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 03:23 PM
1

Great advice. I pretty much approached mine as a high stakes business transaction and took all emotion out of it, except when venting to close friends, family and my therapist, where I could let my guard down and was pretty much an emotional wreck. Luckily, my job frequently involves high stakes financial negotiations, so it almost felt like a day at the office in many ways. I identified that 50/50 custody and keeping my house were my two must haves. Everything else was up for negotiation and I …
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 03:02 PM
2

I kept the house after buying her out - mainly because I wanted stabiility for the kids - and what has helped is making my own updates to it. I gutted a master bathroom and did basically all of the work myself - always wanted to learn how to drywall, tile and install sinks and vanities. Did it - with the help of hours upon hours of Youtube videos. Put your own stamp on it - no one ever again gets to tell you they disagree with your choices or would do things differently, or would just hire someo…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 01:56 PM
5

Congratulations! Similar story here. Was miserable in my loveless marriage, where I was only a walking ATM, home repairman, cook, breadwinner, therapist, etc. She took and took and took and gave nothing in return. No excuse for my drinking, but the joke of a marriage definitely was a strong contributor. She surprise served me with divorce papers (and actually sent the process server to hand me papers at the treatment facility I voluntarily enrolled myself into to get some help) - and now fast fo…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 02:22 PM
21

You don't want to hear this but need to: You are wasting your time and money. Don't be a fool. Marriage counseling is a giant scam used to suck money away from you and to tell the wife that she is right in every situation and you are wrong. Go get your own personal therapist to help you through what is coming and forget this nonsense.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 12:46 AM
7

I believe people here refer to couples counseling as a WOMBAT (waste of money, brains, and time) and that is 100% true. I went to a couples therapist at my ex's behest and it was one of the most horrible experiences ever experienced in a "professional" setting. The therapist talked about how this was a safe space and her role was to help us see the good in each other and realize why we first fell in love. Sounds great. I am asked to go first and name things I love about my (ex) wife. I talk abou…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 02:16 AM
3

She is currently having "feels" with Mr. Boy Toy and thinks life is great. Women operate on emotions, no sort of rational thought. Ask her to deed the house to you in exchange for whatever cash you have. File for an uncontested divorce and move fast before Mr. Boy Toy dumps her and she goes nuclear on you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/23 04:20 PM
4

Sorry you are dealing with this. My situation was very similar to yours. 18 years together and teenage kids and my XW just bailed. I'll never forgive her behavior, but I also came around to simply not caring about her anymore and even can talk to her as a casual acquaintance without any emotions attached anymore. You are never going to be comfortable until you are comfortable spending time with yourself. Immerse yourself in hobbies, new and old. Do that now. Start thinking about renovation proje…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/23 01:28 PM
-1

Your opinion, even though it is a totally jackass opinion.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 06:24 PM
4

I like this advice and am going to follow. Probably at least two or three of your four things mentioned are probably true. I already have Ring monitoring the entire outside, so adding another camera or two inside would be pretty easy. As mentioned, I don't want to go the trespassing/police route for the sake of the kids, and I also don't want the hassle and expense of changing locks, since the kids have keys and codes to get in and the whole process feels needless and a waste of my money and tim…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 01:57 AM
7

My ex did this. She went and put an offer on a house during the divorce, despite a TRO that said neither of us could make major financial decisions without a judge's approval. Her offer was accepted and she put earnest money down before she even bothered to tell me she did any of this. She also agreed to a down payment in the contract that sucked up all of our savings. I basically just used all that as part of the overall asset split and negotiation. In order to let her close on the house and us…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 01:24 AM
7

I'll add this: use what's happening to your strategic advantage. If she is in the throws of "feelings" (remember, women operate on feelings, not brains or rationality), move to settle your split as soon as possible. She likely will agree, as she wants to set up her new life with Mr. Wonderful as soon as possible. So ask for everything you think is fair and then some and calmly explain that if we can agree on these points, it will be settled quickly. Get it all in writing and get a date before a …
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 04:30 PM
6

If it happens, it happens. Not too worried about LTR, but I'm sure someday when before I'm old and frail, I'll want someone to be with. I met one girl I've been chatting who is like I've known her for years after only talking a very short time. Pretty uncanny how easy the conversation is and how well we click. But, I have permanent scars from having my life blown up and upended by the XW, so am not jumping into anything. Just let things be organic. I heard somebody here refer to it as "spinning …
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 01:32 AM
10

I'm mid-40's, but don't mind anyone from 28 to 52. Just keep the mindset that you are just meeting new people. If like many of us, you probably did the opposite of No More Mr. Nice Guy while married and trying to be super-husband/dad and let your social network disappear. Now is the time to rebuild it.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 01:12 AM
28

Depends on your mindset. If you look at it as a way to expand your social network and not to find the next "one", it actually is fun. I did the apps almost immediately after the decree was final and found a complete mixed bag. Connected with a few women, but getting to know someone new can be really tiring and require a lot of effort. Best advice I could give is that you should focus on the solid "7/8's", rather than the "9's and 10's". I keep myself in good shape and have an amazing job, so kno…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 11:37 PM
2

Sorry I misunderstood. I have family like that too who frankly view marriage as a lifetime commitment (much like I did previously) and think every problem can be worked through. That's probably where they are coming from. They took their vows literally and are just trying to not upset you and telling you what they think you need to hear.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 11:30 PM
7

Do you dig in your trash can for old, discarded food? Why go digging there for a relationship? Now is the time to work on yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 11:03 PM
1

Mine was only finalized two months ago, but life mostly is way better. Dead bedroom for years. Constant nagging and stupid mindgames. I was resentful and beaten down. Granted, I definitely played my own role in an 18-year marriage coming to an end, but was being hollowed out as a man and having the life sucked out of me. Today: In my own house which I decorate or renovate however I want. I buy and make whatever food I want without snarky comments about how I shop. Have not had a drop of alcohol …
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 08:34 PM
10

This bot's name is Karen
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/23 01:11 AM
5

Home equity line of credit worked for me versus a traditional mortgage. My HELOC came with no closing fees whatsoever, versus a couple thousand you can expect to pay with a normal mortgage. Plus my bank allows you to either fix the rate on your drawdown, or let it float. I chose fixed and was glad I did that as rates have moved up another 1.5% since then. Whole process from start to finish was maybe three weeks as well. A regular mortgage can take months to get to closing.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 02:14 AM
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