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Heavy_Guitar_4848 Archive

View 3 posts and 455 comments by Heavy_Guitar_4848 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

Go for it and see what happens. Every relationship from here out there’s something to be learned. I bounced around for a while after divorce until I found what I wanted.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/26 05:55 PM
1

Luckily I got really into the stock market a couple years before divorce and was able to keep the account. I just kept investing while staying in an apartment until I could pay cash for a fixer upper house.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 02:39 PM
9

2 years out and it’s way better. Dating was a roller coaster but eventually found a good one. Bought a house and just work OT to offset the financial hit. I enjoy my time with kids and just feel at peace now.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 02:07 AM
1

Same dude, had to learn right after divorce then forgot how to again after a year long relationship ended. Just have funny stories ready and look for humor in everything. Mix in some interview questions and you’ll never run out of stuff to talk about. I went on 14 first dates this last time I was single and got pretty good at it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 03:07 AM
1

I say date around early on. It’s the only way to know what you really want and what your deal breakers are. Getting in shape, a new wardrobe and learning how to flirt again are nice distractions at a minimum. Keep at it until you meet your person and you’ll see the grief disappear
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/26 04:01 PM
10

Apartments are less upkeep so you’ll have more freedom. I spent the extra time on working out and just getting out more. I stayed in an apartment for 1.5 years while saving to buy another house
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 06:01 PM
20

My standards for crazy went up, crazy with a pretty face can be some other guys problem this time
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/26 01:52 PM
3

Hopefully you have lived with her for at least a year
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 06:33 AM
3

Join some beer leagues a couple nights a week to get around people. That worked for me until I got back on a good footing. Also you can’t have a good post divorce life without first imagining what it’ll look like.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/26 05:05 AM
5

Just have to be a clear upgrade and exes don’t matter. It goes both ways too, you could regret leaving a relationship until you find someone better
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 05:53 AM
5

You’re setting an example for your kids on what your value is. Proof lets you get out of it without being the bad guy. She made her choices already and now it’s time to make yours. My kids showed me the proof and I payed for a lawyer immediately.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 11:19 PM
3

They do have sex on the first date tho haha
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 01:54 PM
4

Time is your friend now, don’t rob yourself of it. Use your energy for positive changes and let time work its magic
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 12:42 AM
5

It never gets better if you choose to stay where you are. The lowest points should lead to the biggest changes. I drank way too much this past summer and started crashing out too. Write down what you want, start small and starting moving towards it
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/25 03:36 PM
1

I worked out twice a day when I was in that stage. Cardio was a nice stress reliever and weights because you’re single now
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 04:24 PM
1

Buy a Frenchie and you’ll never be alone
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 07:25 PM
2

First post divorce GF didn’t have kids and wanted one. I was clear I was done from the beginning but she’d bring it up from time to time. I ended up ending it a year into it for that reason and some other circumstances that weren’t a fit. I bounced around dating for 7 months regretting it but eventually found someone way better and I’m glad I walked away from that earlier instead of us wasting each other’s time
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 02:35 PM
2

Delete your online dating profiles, take new pictures and restart in a couple weeks. I did that and it took a day to meet a good one
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/25 01:24 PM
2

Felt that way in early summer, started problem solving and writing down goals. By September all goals were achieved and things are a lot better now. Bad times can lead to good changes
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/25 01:19 PM
2

I jumped into a year long relationship 3 weeks after moving out. I think it was a nice distraction and I had a lot of fun. That was hard to end but would have ultimately ended due to circumstances. With the dating apps, just fail forward in the beginning. I spent the summer on there, went on a bunch of dates and it sucked until it didn’t. Eventually met someone I really like and we’ll see what happens
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 03:35 PM
3

Getting a dog and playing bar league sports a couple nights a week helps. Also bought a divorce re-starter home that basically needs to be gutted. Watching YouTube and researching each project then completing it has been really gratifying.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 05:43 PM
8

You’re being way too nice dude. Offer her a lump sum through retirement or equity in the house. Then drop vague hints that you’d be surprised to live 20 years with the stress she’s causing.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 11:21 PM
3

I think it makes you appreciate the time more and makes you more present while with them.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 01:51 PM
4

It doesn’t work that way if you have any feelings at all. I dated a girl for a year post divorce that I ultimately decided wasn’t right for me. Then bounced around the dating pool for 6 months miserable thinking I made a mistake ending it. I did find a much better fit eventually but it felt hopeless for a while. The goal should be to find an instant connection and don’t settle because you’re afraid of being lonely. Bounce around until a completely obvious choice pops up
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 06:17 PM
3

Looking in the mirror and writing your goals down is important. I’ll add focusing on problem solving instead of the problems help too
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 07:41 PM
6

Nope, even at my lowest point did I ever want to go back. If anything, I wonder why I stayed so long or even got married to her in the first place.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 04:49 PM
12

Bad times are for problem solving. Have to picture the life you want then bounce around making mistakes until you get there. Future you is going to remember these bad days and the changes that came from them
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/25 09:12 PM
6

31 is young, I’d be happy you didn’t procreate with her. Like others have said, when girls are done they’re done. Start working out, get some hobbies and focus on yourself. Anything you do now is for yourself and not to win her back
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 11:58 PM
1

Eh in my experience younger girls like dick heads and the older ones want to be treated well
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 02:41 PM
5

Hate gives you energy that should be used in positive ways. I ran on it for a while but the crash out phase happens at some point. Looking back that was also good because changes came from that too.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/25 12:49 PM
1

I play bar league volleyball twice a week. It’s social and easy to make friends. All the divorced dudes I know seem to be in some kind of league multiple times a week.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/25 12:41 PM
4

Find a social hobby that gets you out 2 nights a week. Next get in the best shape of your life, get a new wardrobe and start dating. I was pretty low over the summer and turned that energy into positive actions. It’s night and day now compared to where I was
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/25 03:06 AM
5

Avoidants are the worst. Did an on and off thing with one while dating around. Every time I cut her off she’d suck me back in then push me away. They’re only ok as a plan b while looking for a real relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 07:29 PM
4

Yep xw was definitely mentally ill and the dating world is full of that too. Found a pretty good one after divorce but a couple big circumstances prevented me from committing long term. After that it took talking to 100’s of girls and 15 first dates to find a close to perfect girl. Definitely agree on waiting for the right one and playing the field first.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 02:42 PM
7

This side should be talked about more. Well said!
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 05:23 PM
6

Give her a lump sum or the house to avoid alimony and keep your pension. Monthly cash flow was more important to me when going through mine
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 05:27 AM
4

I’ve heard of co workers saying they worked too much too. Working too hard to provide the best life possible but then they get use to you not being around. Something I’ve learned just in the dating world since divorce (after filtering out the princesses) is the 40 and older girls just want to be treated well and the young girls almost rather be treated shitty.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 02:43 AM
1

You never truly retire so part time doesn’t sound bad. You can rebuild quick if motivated too. Open E*Trade brokerage and savings account. Shovel money into savings when market is high or up then wait for the next crisis and buy tech ETFs with savings account money. Having goals is good when going through it
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 05:47 PM
3

Was in a relationship 3 weeks after getting apartment. Was a great distraction and I did I like her. Ended after a year due more to circumstances. Took circumstances in to account on 2nd dating cycle and it definitely took longer to find a good fit
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 12:24 PM
8

Um I see HER all the time and it’s ok. She has to listen to all the xw’s bs now and listen to her cry over me when she’s drunk
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/25 06:09 PM
2

Yep has to be done if you’re still hurting. Blocking on socials is the most important thing tho
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/25 02:31 PM
1

Likely is in early stages of a relationship and it’s not worth mentioning yet. You’ll be there at some point too. I’d say work with her on the days don’t reciprocates when you’ll need it
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/25 01:48 PM
2

Um was hammered and didn’t go great but every time after was fine.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 04:51 AM
3

It’s hard enough finding a long term relationship without limiting your pool of candidates
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 04:49 AM
6

Step 1. Be an immoral scumbag Step 2. There is no step 2
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 12:57 AM
3

If you put yourself out there long enough you’ll find someone. Put the work in and play the game. I get excited about new girls all the time just to find out I shouldn’t have been. Longer I’ve done it, the highs are still high and the lows aren’t that low anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 12:50 AM
9

FB date and Hinge. Pay for 1 month Hinge then delete it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 12:24 PM
3

Focus on your goals. For me it’s getting back to zero with the right person. It’s not easy and full of ups and downs but it’ll be worth it
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 01:37 AM
3

First post divorce relationship usually fails. I wondered if I was settling and rushing to fill the gap in my life. Regretted ending it at points but the dating around experience has been good too. Build a roster of situationships until you find exactly what you’re looking for
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 12:39 PM
1

Tell her you’ll give her 25% of equity and if she doesn’t take you’ll just sell the house and the kids will lose their childhood home. She wants everything to be easy so she might fold if you complicate things
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 12:58 AM
5

Taking half the pension causes them to never retire. Guys I worked with have worked until they were 70 just so the Xw didn’t get much.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/25 06:40 PM
5

Had the big house with in ground pool and lived in an 1 bedroom apartment the last 1.5 years. Have bunkbeds in the living room for the kids and we’ve made the best out of it. Think of it at your stress free zone. You’ll have more time with not having the projects and maintenance now. You’ll have to replace that time with working out and hobbies. Invest in an air fryer, it’s great for cooking for yourself. I worked a bunch of OT, saved up and just bought a fixer upper closer to the kids. I’ll lik…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 08:30 PM
9

Things will move fast with them because they’re both trying to fill gaps in their lives but it’ll ultimately fail
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 05:58 PM
3

Buy a fixer upper house. Just got one for cheap and I’ll be a lot closer to the kids. Plus all the projects I’ll need to do are a nice distraction
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 02:14 PM
2

Could have and still can but haven’t. Only consider it when on a long dry spell
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 02:08 PM
3

It worked for me but I knew she really wanted the house. First verbally told her she wasn’t getting the house. After some thought I sent her of what she gets and what I get. She agreed and had my lawyer put it in writing. Giving all your and kids money to lawyers isn’t always smart.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/25 06:53 PM
2

I hope your separation agreement is signed. Negotiating with a scorned female isn’t easy.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 10:54 PM
1

Ex gf grey rocked me after I broke up with her and it just made me want her back. Then I did it to her and she wants me back now. Don’t understand the psychology of it but works
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 10:12 PM
2

Well said. Plus once you start taking care of yourself getting girls 10 plus years younger gets easier for us too. They have to start going for old dudes as they age. On the hobbies, co-ed volleyball has been great for me. Plenty of girls there and easy to make friends if you’re outgoing
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 08:22 PM
7

You’re too nice and girls hate that shit. If she’s in shape and you’re not taking care of your self then that’s a poor choice on your end. Start slow but get obsessive with getting into shape. Be fun and unbothered around her, also get a new wardrobe. She might be cheating or just considering now but it’s time to looking out for yourself. Try to save it if you can but once they’re done it usually happens. She’ll regret it some day but it’s problem solving time for you
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 04:09 PM
1

Yes, first post divorce relationship has been my best so far. I’ve been on a bunch of dates and had a couple short term relationships since. None have been the same. May have been right girl at the wrong time for me.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 02:09 AM
0

Crash outs like that are good if you’ve been fighting it off. Now pick yourself up and start problem solving. Social hobbies help, every divorced dude I know has a lot of hobbies
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 07:33 PM
1

Divorce lawyer told me to live with a girl for at least a year before even considering any of that. He’s a really good one so I took it to heart. I’d get a vasectomy until then and see if the loving and caring part is still there.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 05:12 PM
6

Second and every time after is better
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 11:38 PM
10

Kids are perceptive. Like other comments say, don’t bad mouth her and keep a positive attitude for the kids. I told the boys to focus on problem solving and making the best out of the situation. She’ll go have her fun and cry over you years from now. Plus a benefit of divorce is the 1 on 1 time you get with the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 12:36 AM
3

I’ve gone on 12 dates since divorce. 1 turned into an 11 month relationship and latest 1 is trending in that direction too. It’s a 2 way road and not all on you to carry the conversation. You both have a lifetime of stuff to talk about so I wouldn’t worry about it. Talking over drinks and having a couple funny stories ready helps too
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 03:04 PM
6

Go for long walks and focus on your future. Write your goals down and that should be where your attention goes. You’ll be with someone at some point too but become the best version of yourself first
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/25 02:53 PM
7

Crashing out can be a good thing in long run. I finally did 1.5 years later and it’s lead to some major changes. Fill your life with social hobbies, getting out and around people really does help. Volleyball, pickleball, bowling, darts leagues or cornhole leagues are all great for that. Married dudes get yelled at for being in these leagues and you’re free to do what you want now
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 11:19 PM
9

Do the things you love. Join leagues, be around people and be social.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 03:55 PM
1

Volleyball, softball, dart leagues, cornhole leagues and pickleball are all great social hobbies. It’s hard to take the first step sometimes, especially if you’re depressed but being around people is the best thing you can do. Also taking chances, sometimes the universe will throw you a helpline but you have to take it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 03:28 PM
1

Don’t reach out to your ex, I recently did that to find she’s happily moved on. It put me in a darker place and just needed to crash to pick myself up again. Focus on the future and your goals. Easier said than done but it does help if you keep forcing yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 03:18 PM
3

Every day is another day closer to healing. There’s gonna be ups and downs but you have to realize that going into it. What works for me is putting all my attention into making life as good as possible now while focusing on the future. Thinking about the past is counterproductive. Moving closer to my goals everyday is what keeps me going
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 03:09 PM
1

OT and dividends from a stock portfolio make it alright. If you pay for health insurance that’ll help you too
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/25 08:58 PM
1

Yes
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/25 09:56 PM
2

Ask for no alimony, it worked for me
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/25 12:17 PM
6

It’s not where you start, it’s where you finish.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/25 05:35 PM
4

Working out is the single best thing you can do
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/25 07:10 PM
9

I blocked my ex on all social media. Kept all the pictures but I don’t need to see her or know what she’s doing
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 01:36 PM
2

In a similar boat, 1 year in and have another 2 before I’m close to whole. I’d say celebrating small wins-small steps forward helps. Get a planner and start tracking it. If you’re not working towards your fitness goals I’d start there. Track that progress too. Strong body equals a strong mind. I fell out of shape over that brutal winter and feel a lot better now that I’m on a solid routine. Keep chopping wood and you’ll get there
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 03:14 PM
4

Look for if they’ve been in long relationships. If somebody could stand them they might be ok. Single for long periods of time and they’ve probably been around
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 02:41 AM
6

I’d just hold on to that information and use it as motivation to handle all of your business. Mine stopped coming home some nights while cohabitating and I just used the anger in a positive way. Negotiate the best deal possible, take care of yourself and get out of that situation
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 11:09 AM
4

Don’t bring it up unless she asks, have some jokes ready to make light of a dark topic if it’s brought up too
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 10:44 AM
7

She’s gone, get to work and feel bad later
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 02:25 PM
2

Join a league, bowling, volleyball something like that. The social side of leagues is important. Start journaling, need goals and hope to keep going.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/25 06:08 PM
9

Yep broke up with my post divorce gf last month. Dated another girl for about 3 weeks and ended that one too. It’s getting easier cutting and running as I go
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 12:04 PM
5

Lots of overtime
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 04:30 PM
8

I negotiated so she got none of the pension or alimony. Need a lump sum of cash or house with a bunch of equity though
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 11:00 PM
1

Magnesium glycinate. You’re probably depleted from all the stress
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 06:33 PM
11

Time to start looking out for yourself. Use her affair fog to get the best deal possible. She’s someone else’s problem now. Start working out and problem solving now and you’ll be fine.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 06:17 PM
4

You’re setting an example on how you value yourself. Her only value to you should in helping raise the kids and that’s it
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/25 11:32 PM
1

So many varieties available, just have to find what works for you. The hidden red flags got me on my last post divorce relationship. They were hidden for about 6 months then started popping up all over the place
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 04:01 AM
12

Time heals man. You’ll be surprised how strong you are with time. Start small and slowly start picking yourself up, small wins add up.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 02:41 PM
1

I’m at 50/50 NY sucks, it goes until 21 for some reason too here. She could have put me in the ground with the rules here if I didn’t have the house as a big chip to play
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 02:34 AM
1

50k it was calculated off a down year so could have been a lot worse. I’ll likely end up with either one or both kids at some point so it’s not too bad
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 12:48 AM
1

You go through cycles, feel your feelings then pick yourself up when you’re done.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 07:12 PM
17

Sounds like a them problem
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 05:45 PM
2

She got the big house and 2k a month in cs. She lashed out a bunch for about 6 months but has been pretty decent lately. I’m in a 1 bedroom apartment and have much less stress now.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 01:28 AM
3

Oh man, I stayed under threats until she got a job and cheated on me. She said she’d ruin me which would have been hell for everyone especially the kids. Say you’ll stay if she gets a higher paying job and signs a post nuptial agreement. If that’s not an option, document everything, get the order of protection and get some distance from her.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 08:11 PM
7

All solid advice. I just broke up in my first post divorce relationship and giving a few items back was a lot easier than a whole divorce. Renting and not buying is the new mindset. I’m not completely closed minded to remarrying in the future but it would take years and years of vetting first and a prenup
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 01:30 AM
9

You should run and he should date around before rushing into anything.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 12:04 AM
2

Start small if you have to but Long walks, mostly on a treadmill because the weather always sucks. Focusing on and researching solving problems instead of problems helps. Communicate with as many people as possible, friends, family, dating apps, even strangers on social media. Have long and short term goals too
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 08:48 PM
20

Ex wife did same thing in the beginning but it didn’t last. Once they get comfortable the pounds come right back.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 09:23 PM
5

Went through something similar and just broke up with her a couple of weeks ago. She always seemed miserable when the kids were around and they noticed. Time to cut her loose
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 04:33 PM
2

Lawyer, I filed so I had time to plan. With pensions, threaten to die with your boots on and never retire. Give them the house or upfront money in exchange.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/25 06:31 PM
1

Get a lawyer. I gave her a nice house to keep my pension. I was told I could cash in my 401 to buy another house prior to divorce too. New house has no equity so it flips the chips in your favor a little.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/25 02:43 PM
1

I was told you each need your own lawyer and make sure she pays out of her own account.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 01:50 AM
9

AKA bang other people while you do the man stuff around the house. Ex wife wanted the same and I laughed at her
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/25 05:35 PM
2

Prenups and postnups should be mandatory for anyone with a pension
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/25 03:39 PM
1

Replace urge with more exercise. Walk on a treadmill for an hour or 2 in addition to your regular routine. You’ll be too tired to think about alcohol
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 09:20 PM
4

Good pictures and quick to the point bio. Then it’s flirting and setting the date up quickly.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 02:02 AM
8

I had fun on the apps, they are if nothing else a good distraction. It took a month but the matches started flowing in once I learned what I was doing.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 11:53 PM
3

I wouldn’t rush and she should understand that. Red flags started popping up 6 months into first relationship and divorce. Kinda in same boat as to move forward or cut my losses
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 11:36 PM
1

Yes, in NY though. Pay until 21 here too. Luckily got a nice raise since and have stock income too
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 03:19 AM
2

Made the same amount and pay $2065/M
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 10:02 PM
5

I’d say go for child support and use the alimony as a bargaining chip
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 05:17 PM
1

You were smart cutting them early. 10 months into a post divorce relationship the red flags started popping up. Wish I would have played the field more and seen what was out there
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 03:43 PM
3

Problems simmer under the surface and it doesn’t work
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 04:11 AM
2

1/2 hr on the elliptical every day helps burn the stress off. Other than that, progress towards my goals are my purpose.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 04:02 AM
5

I say use it as leverage to get the best deal you can get.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 03:36 PM
4

If he’s a good dude, who cares? Took me a while to get to that mindset but it’s a much better place mentally.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 06:54 PM
5

Indifference, don’t have anything against either of them but also don’t want to be fake nice.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 01:57 PM
8

Yes it gets easier with time. Focus on the kids and kept it short with her
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 07:36 PM
1

Lots of people get divorced and find love again. It’s all about your mindset, I looked at it as a challenge to overcome and it worked. Make yourself as desirable as possible and get on the dating apps.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 04:04 PM
8

Making it through the first holiday season is a big step. You made it and it’ll get easier from here.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 01:07 AM
8

I’d say take the off ramp and start dating again. If she can’t treat others as she wants to be treated then she’s broken
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 04:43 PM
3

Focus on making the apartment a comfortable environment for you and the kids. YMCA is awesome for spending time with the kids and just getting out of the house. I started on dating apps once I had the apartment set up, if for nothing else they’ll keep you busy once you get good at it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 05:52 PM
3

Treat it as a skill. Watch some videos and learn as you go. My confidence was shook too but got better as I learned how to date.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 04:27 PM
1

There’s good waves and bad waves. It’s normal, the holidays are an extra challenge to overcome. Watch funny reelz or listen to a comedian until it passes.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 03:26 PM
2

I’d find a bar and go watch football all day
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 07:42 PM
2

There are no firm rules and everybody is different. I started as soon as I was out of the house. Met a girl I like on my second date and haven’t looked back. I say fail forward until you find what you’re looking for. The saying “The answer is always no until you ask” applies in my mind.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/24 05:41 PM
13

Same happened to me, just use it as motivation. I’ve enjoyed the freedom of divorce
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/24 09:16 PM
0

Females on here now🤣
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 07:27 PM
-1

Tell the new girl that you refuse to ever have another kid. If she leaves you then you were being used for your sperm. There’s lots of girls in that age range looking for kids now and it’s not our problem they waited so long.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 12:35 PM
2

Get the best financial deal you can get. You’ve been too nice and it’s time to look out for yourself. You’ll find plenty of nurses and teachers once you get on the dating sites
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 02:21 AM
9

It’s not your fault and probably would have happened either way. Start taking care of yourself and let the 2 scumbags be together.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 02:31 PM
8

Give her the house to avoid maintenance and retirement accounts.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 03:56 AM
1

I’m pro dating early because it helped me. I looked at it as another challenge to overcome and got good at it before meeting gf. I say put your own happiness first just like your xw did.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 01:31 AM
11

Live with her for at least a year and get a prenup
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 11:35 PM
3

You’ll find no shortage of girls in your age range looking for kids too. The problem is you might end up as sperm donor since the kid is all they really want. I’d go really slow with and live with a girl for at least a year before making any decisions like that.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 06:06 PM
3

Prenups should be mandatory for first responders. Survive 20-30 years of bullshit just to give half away is insane. Get a part time job and dump all the money into JEPI and JEPQ ETF’s to make up the difference.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 06:01 PM
4

Search grief counseling.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 08:50 PM
1

I’ve been in a friend’s cheap apartment since February. It isn’t ideal but is allowing me to save so I’m never house poor again.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 06:36 PM
1

Seems like every lesbian I know is into those tarot cards. She probably changed teams and projected everything onto you.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 03:16 AM
5

I paid a lot in the beginning but it gets closer to equal as the relationship grows
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 10:58 PM
5

Was in same boat for years. She cheated and made decision a lot easier. Felt dumb for waiting so long after I finally pulled the bandaid off. As far as the kids go, I find I’m a more present parent on the days I have them. Days without them are freedom days to do as I please. My advice is you’ll only dig the hole deeper the longer you stay.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 06:51 PM
10

Pre divorce I’d say you can’t be afraid to live. Post divorce I say girls are happier as girl friends🤣
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 04:15 PM
6

It’s projecting, it’s the case with most terrible people in general.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 01:57 AM
2

Get a lawyer unless you want to continue to share your wife. Start working out, I did twice a day in the early days.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 08:00 PM
2

It’s what you make of it. I had fun and would go right back to it if things didn’t work out with gf
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 05:26 PM
3

Keep dating and don’t settle
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 09:49 PM
3

Goals and hope man.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/24 08:19 PM
9

Good news is you were only married for a year. Put a retainer down for the best local lawyer. She’ll probably back down but the only way out is through now.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/24 07:14 PM
10

Better her than you.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/24 05:27 AM
1

I’d wait until the separation agreement is finalized. I started after SA signed and about a month prior to divorce being final.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 08:18 PM
3

I worked out twice a day for the first 3 months. Got a notebook and made list after list of things I needed to do. Turn the pain into motivation and you’ll be left with the results.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 05:44 PM
1

First time yes, all the alcohol probably didn’t help matters. Thought she wouldn’t reach back out after that but did. More than made up for it the second time
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 11:58 PM
1

Yep threatened dying with my boots on to keep my pension and it worked. Had to trade house to keep it but can retire at 50 now.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 11:56 PM
4

Yea don’t do it. Prenups bring out their true intentions and you have seen hers now.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 11:51 PM
17

Talk to a lawyer before her. She’s probably having an affair with a co-worker.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 12:34 PM
1

Sounds like you’re a cop or fireman lol. I’ll say with the gf stuff, it’s hard knowing if they’re all like that or it’s specific to yours sometimes. Been with mine 6 months and almost made a pros and cons list recently.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 03:04 PM
8

Pretty sure that’s a normal emotion. I’d say not to project how you’re feeling about it onto other people. If you’ve overcame those emotions once you can do it again. Reframe the payment as the finish line to a difficult race.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 11:57 AM
6

Yep and never backslide when you have a new GF. They’ll become detectives and message her in a heartbeat. It’s just a form of control.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 04:54 PM
4

Mine did same and all it did was give her time to plan her out.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 05:58 PM
10

Getting married was the event.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 01:26 PM
7

If I’m understanding this correctly she went out and was a cum dumpster for a bunch of randos. Now she’s trying to manipulate you into taking her back and it sounds like you’re contemplating it. Run if you have any self worth
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 10:34 PM
1

Gratitude or bitterness is the choice we all make in divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 04:05 AM
4

I had mine set up before showing the kids. It’s tiny compared to marital house but the kids love being with me.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 06:40 PM
2

She’s insane and you can’t fix her. Dealt with all that before and it doesn’t get better.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 05:31 PM
7

Replying is feeding into it. Starve her of a response
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 07:25 PM
1

Don’t marry her. You’re well on your way to being a millionaire and she’s showing her intentions already.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 03:33 PM
6

Simply don’t marry her then. We were all fooled once so don’t let it happen again. I’m not as against remarrying as some of the people here but only with an iron clad prenup. Also anyone arguing against signing one is a huge red flag and there’s no need to include the government in your relationship then.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 03:24 PM
5

Little to no strings attached makes it a lot easier to move on.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 09:41 PM
0

Dating helped me. It’s easier than ever with technology. Kids, work and new gf keep me busier than when I was married.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 02:46 AM
8

Getting back with your ex is giving up on yourself. It’s saying that you are incapable of finding anyone better. I did it before marriage with xw and view it as lazy and weak now.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 01:42 PM
3

You have to pick yourself up man. Go to a lawyer and put your retainer down. The second she stopped coming home should have been all the motivation you needed. Kids are older and you can still pull girls in their 40’s no problem. I’m 8 months out from your situation and it was the best thing that could have happened.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 06:40 PM
33

A girl with 5 kids on the dating scene isn’t going to go well for her. Find out what she wants out of the deal and use it against her. Let her show her hand then come up with a deal you can live with. Hopefully she is having an affair so you can use the affair fog against her.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 11:36 PM
8

I try to keep it amicable but don’t want to be friends with my xw. She try’s to get too friendly with me at times. I don’t respond since I have no interest in being her friend. I see it as a form of manipulation, same thing with her constantly reaching out to my family. If your xw cheated, you’re also setting an example on self worth.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/24 06:02 PM
3

I’d say start with imagining your perfect new life. I lost a lot so I have a lot of goals to get back to zero. Goals and hope give you purpose.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 11:25 PM
1

They were never married but together for 14 yrs. Yes there’s pictures and it doesn’t bother me at all.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 10:35 PM
1

New girlfriend knows I despise my xw so there’s no jealousy there. We both lived half a life before meeting each other and neither should delete pics of it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 03:17 PM
3

She started dating during the marriage🤣
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 01:31 AM
3

I left them, hiding them would just look sketchy to me.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 12:19 AM
2

Uncontested, she just wanted the house and CS to pay for the house
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 06:56 PM
5

Living in a 1 bedroom apartment now. Have kids 50/50 so they sleep in bunk beds in living room. I’m just saving as much as I can and hopefully can start looking for house in next year or 2
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 12:26 PM
10

You have it good compared to many others. File ASAP and get on with your new life.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 02:59 PM
2

I can’t speak to others experiences but I had fun with it. Met my gf on there, hit it off immediately and been with her ever since. The financial part of the divorce still sucks but the relationship side is 100x better now
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 02:56 PM
2

The apps are super fun. Have the mindset that you’re the prize on there. Bring fun flirty energy when messaging and set up the meet at a bar close to you quick as possible. Have some fun stories ready to tell, don’t talk about the divorce unless asked and just have fun with it. There’s either chemistry or there’s not. Move onto the next if there isn’t. Date and talk to a bunch in the beginning. Have the fail forward mindset and learn from each date.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 01:22 PM
5

That’s good, you can only go up then. Gym, diet, new clothes and style.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 10:09 PM
5

You’re getting divorced, she’ll be doing more than checking other men out soon.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 01:23 AM
15

Get incredibly fit and post a thirst trap pic like all the girls do.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 08:35 PM
3

Dating solves a lot of the problems
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 12:50 PM
13

No I trust people until they give me a reason not to. It’s easy to move on to the next now with no marriage or kids involved.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 03:10 PM
5

She probably texts when her guy isn’t around. Respond hours later when it’s inconvenient for her to respond.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 01:55 AM
8

Make to do lists and always have goals.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 08:28 PM
1

Get a favorable separation agreement signed then stop being so nice to the cheater. You’ll be ok in the long run but it’s time to be a man in every area of your life from now on
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 03:41 AM
3

Thought about it frequently and would get stressed out thinking about the logistics.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 01:07 AM
4

Mine was throwing weird shots at me too when she was having an affair. It’s her trying to build her case and justify her actions. Start taking care of yourself and planning now.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 12:45 PM
12

Male colleague already hit that and is passing her off now.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 06:48 PM
10

Slow down my man. It’s a good feeling for sure but use your head. Absolutely never rush into massive decisions like this because you currently feel great. Those feelings fade into the normalcy of a relationship. Live together for minimum of a year before even considering marriage then at least another year before considering kids. Thats advice from my lawyer that only deals with divorce. If she’s great as you say she’ll have no problem waiting. Fool you twice shame on you if not.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 05:31 PM
3

You’re in a good spot. She showed her cards by wanting the house. Mine did the same and I got everything else I wanted including no alimony. Ask for more than half and she’ll probably take it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 09:59 PM
12

Had a friend that had sex with xw then she immediately reached out to new gf and told her. It’s just a way of controlling you, don’t fall for it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 11:42 AM
1

I’ll say it’s nice just having a gf that doesn’t live with you. Companionship and space when you want it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 11:25 PM
2

Dating apps will keep you busy when you’re ready.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 02:38 AM
13

It sucks but you’re in a good spot compared to most on here. Block her on everything once you can and forget about her. She’ll try getting back with you once she gets ran through
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 02:02 AM
2

Start with that then. For me it’s getting back to zero. I want the house, toys and vacations with the right girl this time.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 08:46 PM
1

I think just having a loose picture of your perfect life post divorce in your mind helps. Tell yourself what you want and let your subconscious mind go and get it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 08:29 PM
1

Just live well and regardless of what she says people will see the truth. I’m sure my xw runs her mouth so I post a lot of the outings the kids and I do. It’s not really important but does document being a present father.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 12:58 PM
1

Dodged a bullet there. Just focus on your son and move on then
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 04:50 AM
2

Get a vasectomy and get away from that girl. Your son doesn’t need to see a woman treating you like that. New girl is gonna want 100% custody and you out of her life. I’d use your rights for 50/50 custody against her to pay no or a low CS amount. She used you so I wouldn’t have much sympathy for her.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 04:41 AM
1

My friend’s xw did the same thing, he quit drinking then found out she was having an affair. Marriage is over either way. Decisions are easy when they’re not yours.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/24 03:39 PM
1

My friend’s xw did the same thing, he quit drinking then found out she was having an affair. Marriage is over either way. Decisions are easy when they’re not yours.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/24 03:02 PM
1

Run and don’t look back. BPD isn’t even fixed with medication because they always want to stop taking it. They’ll always cheat in the mania phase and manipulate you in the manic phase. It never ends.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/24 02:46 PM
1

Magnesium levels might be low from all the stress. Look up the symptoms and see if any apply. Also drink a lot of water and exercise.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 05:25 PM
5

Your old life was no way to live. Start writing down some goals and make them happen.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 03:14 PM
1

Join a couple leagues cornhole, bowling, volleyball, golf, volleyball , pickleball. When married my one night out a week made the bad marriage tolerable. After marriage you can expand and join more to keep busy. Going to the bar by yourself forces you to make friends too.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 05:11 PM
2

Set your boundaries. Mine are no more kids, I’m buying a house in my kids school district and rock solid prenup in order to ever get married again. I occasionally reinforce those boundaries and she’s fine with it. I say there are good people out there and don’t move on from them unless crazy red flags start popping up.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 03:25 PM
2

Workout until you’re too tired to be angry. It comes in waves but passes. It’s just adversity, you’ll overcome it!
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 10:47 PM
8

You’re giving her too much already. You need representation.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 04:05 AM
4

Good for you! Stay strong, don’t let her manipulate or threaten you into staying. She’ll never change. Wish I didn’t fall for all the tricks when I would threaten it. Go see a lawyer and get the ball rolling.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 01:40 AM
2

I blocked her day 1 on socials. I don’t need her using it as a tool to manipulate me. As far as the waves, it happens and it’s fine. I had an anger wave last week and it passed. Turn it into motivation to work out or rip through a project.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 11:24 PM
5

I lived on to do lists in the beginning. There’s a lot to get done and I liked crossing each thing off the list. Cardio is important too, it burns all your stress away. I went out drinking and I wouldn’t recommend it, people noticed the pain in my eyes when out. Treat yourself to a new wardrobe and eventually get back out there. It gets better and easier with each day
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 07:37 PM
4

I personally would offer more up front cash to pay no alimony. Cash flow becomes important as you’re trying to pay bills with at half you’re income
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 05:19 PM
6

Get one of your chick friends to call them out or side message them
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 11:37 AM
3

How about making large purchase when you sense something is off? Boat, camper, remodel, house or car. I did it and noticed that a lot of other guys have too.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 05:30 PM
10

My life is a 100x better since the divorce. Exercise like everyone says is important. Re-connecting with friends and forcing yourself out of your comfort zone is as well. Build up your friends group then hit the dating scene.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 03:35 PM
4

No, only communicate about the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 02:29 PM
8

Get that thing off, It’s dead weight now.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 04:19 AM
11

Nope xw was just a bad person to spend a day with. Mental attraction wasn’t there.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 01:13 AM
15

Stop being her backup plan.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 12:41 AM
2

I’d say cheating gives extreme motivation in the beginning but wears off eventually. The anger kind of pushes the processing part down the road a bit.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 06:52 PM
4

I started 4 months into process. There’s gonna be some trial and error so it’s better to get back on that horse early imo. It’s refreshing to find someone you’re more compatible with.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 04:55 PM
2

You might do ok here. Agree on basic SA terms then you get a lawyer to write it up. Go the non contested route and things will move quick.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 11:42 AM
3

Dating allows you to meet new friend circles. Something I never really thought of until it happened.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/24 06:21 PM
5

Mine finally stopped texting me over unimportant things. It takes a lot of sifting through texts and never giving them a reaction. They want a reaction so don’t give it to them. Let cooler minds prevail and it’ll get better in time
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 07:14 PM
2

Sounds like you landed a good one and you shouldn’t skip over her. I say embrace your new life and go with it. I found a good one post divorce and it’s a nice feeling being in a happy-healthy relationship. There’s always obstacles down the road but you can deal with them as they pop up.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 01:03 AM
12

Be the person you always wanted to be period.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/24 03:46 AM
1

No that’s too see through. Smiles and humor are a better play.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 06:23 PM
9

When ever he’s a dick just say “ I’m sorry can you repeat the question” take your time answering, take a drink of water then answer the question. There’s little games you can play within the game
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 05:10 AM
6

Have to zoom out on these types of things. Having friends that came from divorced households helps. Talk to them about their experiences and it should guide you on how to handle these things.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 03:28 PM
3

Focus on the solution and not the problem. All men should do this regardless of the situation. Get to work rebuilding your finances. She got the 450k house while I’m in a 1/br apartment currently. Ive bought 4 houses in the past and I’ll buy 5th too.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 07:02 PM
2

lol she did something I actually respect. Stopped planning the wedding and left before going through with it. Got nothing out of a 10 plus year relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 02:34 PM
6

She’s doing it because it gets a reaction out of you. Don’t give her what she wants.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 11:06 AM
6

My lawyer told me to live with a girl for minimum of a year prior to even thinking about marriage. Guy does divorce for a living and I’m definitely listening to that advice.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 01:04 AM
3

None of these decisions have to be made now. The girl I’m dating knows I’d want a prenup and she’s cool with it if we ever get to that point. Lots of milestones including living together for a long time before I’d even consider it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 01:00 AM
4

Took a nap after work yesterday with no judgement. Woke up and went food shopping for just myself. About the dating part I was just thinking how nice it is to date a girl that doesn’t live with you. Seeing each other every other day is a nice speed for me.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 03:52 PM
13

They want you around to do the man stuff while have sex with other people. Don’t be a cuck. Mine suggested we still live together and I was in the same place as you. Wanted the divorce but wasn’t taking the action. She didn’t come one night, I had SA agreed on and a new apartment in 2 weeks.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 11:07 AM
3

We’re all here because we picked the wrong one and you did the same. She’s a piece of garbage and your marriage is over. There’s zero argument of what she did even know she’ll try to convince you otherwise. Good men are in high demand on the open market, if that is you or can be you, go find your worth with someone new.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 03:10 PM
7

It’s a blessing to end it early. I’m sure it doesn’t feel that way now but in time you’ll see it
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 04:27 AM
1

All solid advice
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 09:48 PM
5

Bet on yourself and do the hard thing
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 05:46 PM
5

As your kids get older they’re going to wish you fought to have them in your life. Went to a wedding recently where the bride didn’t invite her father for that purpose. Kids are always watching, show them the right way
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 02:47 PM
1

Pretty much! She’s weaponized the kids now that I’ve moved on. Her way of lashing out.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 02:45 PM
2

I honestly worked on myself more while married. I still workout but I’m just living now. I felt sick a lot while married, likely from all the stress. I just feel healthy and content now.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 03:29 AM
8

$4800 Non contested and did most of the negotiating ourselves. Everything moved fast, completely divorced in 4 months
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 12:53 AM
2

It’s roughly the same now. If I stay the course I’ll come out of this thing ahead
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 09:37 PM
3

I pay my xw a lot of money to not be in my life anymore. Politely say you’d like to keep your new and old life as separate as possible. I do find myself wondering how my xw will act when she eventually meets my gf. I’m guessing super cunt or master manipulator are the options here.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 08:29 PM
6

Mine did same thing and even wanted me to continue to live in the house after divorce. It didn’t stop until I got a gf. Now she’s just nasty and try’s to pin the kids against me.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 08:17 PM
3

The house can be a nice bargaining chip if there’s equity.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 07:37 PM
6

Pen and paper. Make to do lists for each day. Get a planner and start simplifying your life. My whole divorce was one to do list after another. Then was a weird feeling when everything was done
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 06:43 PM
11

That was me 3 years ago. Got her on medication and back on her feet. Then she cheated last year and it was a relief after initial shock
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 04:15 PM
28

She went off and became a cum dumpster for a bunch of losers then wants you to take her back? She learned what her value is which isn’t much so move on. She’ll never respect you if you take her back.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 04:37 PM
1

Need better pictures, the trial and error part is fun. Get your profile to the point where you’re getting matches. Then it’s learning how to flirt and give number out. Flirt a little more through text then set up to meet at bar close to your house. You’ll get better and better the more experience you get.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/24 03:01 PM
3

Sounds like my xw. Mine went on adderall then lost her mind, then went on bipolar meds. Was great for a year, best year of relationship then started slipping back. She got a job then cheated on me. Was almost a relief when it happened. I’d say get her the help but start planning your out.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 02:08 PM
1

Lmao she’s gonna learn what’s it’s like out there for single moms with young kids. Some people are saying to stay off the apps until divorce is final but I’d say it’s ok after SA is signed. Enjoy yourself either way, I had a blast on those things.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 01:03 AM
5

Prove her wrong and use it as motivation. Was shit on for years and I just kept getting better. Never worked with her but I get to keep my end result
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 07:54 PM
3

Yep, feel like I have to reprogram the boys on the days I have them. Get them acting good again then send them back🥴
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 07:43 PM
5

No, mine was and still is awful🤣
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 07:41 PM
4

I couldn’t get out of my old house fast enough. It’s a house, you’ll buy more. Time is our friend so take care of your self.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 02:50 AM
1

Live and learn. You can easily move on to the next one if she’s throwing red flags. I’m up front about everything in the beginning without going into any detail. Once a connection is made then that stuff can be talked about. Chances are they’ve been through some stuff too and want to talk about it.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 02:56 PM
1

Need to get some cardio in to calm your mind. I was working out twice a day while in thick of it.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 08:04 PM
1

You also said you want to be married again.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 03:11 PM
7

Record when you confront her. She’ll yell at you like you did something wrong. Tell her how much it hurts you and negotiate a great deal for yourself. Move fast on it and be nice to her until the SA is signed. Been there, it sucks but it gets better.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 09:34 PM
4

Get a prenuptial agreement signed if you get married again. I say that from the beginning so they can’t be surprised if and when I ask. I’d also stack some premarital assets like a house and brokerage account. As far as red flags, interactions with other people is the biggest test. See how she is with friends, family and co-workers. Prior relationships tell part of the story too. Bunch of short relationships or single for a long time scream red flag.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 06:44 PM
1

I’m sorry, she sounds awful. Dating is the fun parts of a relationship without all that financial ramifications. Hope you’re able to get out there and have fun with it some day
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 04:18 PM
5

Feel like the perfect one fell on my lap too. It’s a weird feeling for sure after being in fight or flight mode for so long.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 02:37 PM
2

Everything gets better once you find the right girl and start having feelings for her. Be an optimist and keep looking for the right one. I may have just gotten lucky but things really worked out for me in that area
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 01:52 AM
4

You’ll be ok man. Everybody here has a similar story
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 06:48 PM
9

You need to set an example for the kids. With BPD they’ll cheat on the mania phase and get you to feel bad on the manic phase. It’ll happen over and over again.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 05:08 PM
8

Arguments with them is like a game of chess. Think of what their rebuttal will be then yours and so on and so on. Once you do that you’ll likely choose not to play in the first place. My xw tried bating me today and I kept the response really simple. Light defense and no attacks against her. It ended after that and I’m free to enjoy my weekend now.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 07:55 PM
3

I say get the separation agreement signed first. I started after 5 months but had everything settled first.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 08:56 PM
4

Get to work and feel bad later. Can’t be married and be on those sites.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 11:39 AM
5

Agreed, I tell anybody going through it to get on here.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 09:14 PM
1

With dating it takes a little bit to get good at it. Start now and just fail forward in the beginning. I had to force myself to get out of my comfort zone a lot in the beginning but got it done.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 05:50 PM
3

It’s just a Debbie Downer topic that most people don’t want to talk about. Have to either put a positive spin on it or use humor if it’s brought up.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 03:17 PM
5

Picture yourself a year from now and make decision based off that
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/24 07:39 PM
8

She sounds absolutely awful. Also sounds like she wants her piggy bank back after getting ran through by a bunch of losers.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/24 02:41 PM
3

Nobody is above being cheated on. Use it as motivation to build yourself a better life. All the information in the world is at our fingertips to learn how to deal with this stuff. Get to work and pick yourself up
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/24 11:35 AM
2

Absolutely right about the fight or flight mode. I ran on anger for years and it was definitely a weird feeling when the source was gone. I still don’t have my old ambition back but it’s slowly getting back
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 11:50 PM
2

I sat in that world for years with the same fear. Luckily she cheated and I forced my hand earlier this year. It took about 3 weeks of dating to find someone I really enjoy spending my time with. Can’t say where it’ll go but feel foolish for not betting on myself sooner.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/24 11:31 AM
2

Yep I got a lawyer xw just had one read over the SA. Really was a painless process and everything moved fast.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 05:08 PM
1

Both options suck but one will eventually get better. Start planning now
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 06:23 PM
1

I tell them I’m willing to get married again with a prenup but I’m not having anymore kids. They usually respect the honesty. Biggest thing is just meeting them to see if there’s chemistry and the rest will work itself out.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 04:12 PM
0

Men’s testosterone drops when women cry
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 11:15 AM
1

No
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 07:21 PM
10

Got one while still married. It makes the I’m not having anymore kids conversation easy with dating now
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 01:04 PM
0

If you leave without the child and without paying CS, that would be abandonment. I’d get an SA signed first before going anywhere. Like others are saying get a good lawyer before making any moves.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 06:13 PM
1

I’m 5’11 and have no problems. Good pictures are more important than anything else. Get some good pictures and learn how to flirt. Off to the races after that
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 06:17 PM
2

Use communication and express your gripes. If both of you are willing to work towards a better relationship then it’s worth saving. If not, use communication to end it. It’ll suck for a while but eventually gets better
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 06:11 PM
6

Any payouts would be calculated into child support and alimony🤣
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 02:55 PM
8

You’re entitled to half the equity of the house and that van. Use it as a chip
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 11:32 AM
1

Having a good relationship with your children is important and being married is not. Divorce has been the best decision I didn’t make.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/24 07:28 PM
3

Offer an alimony lump sum buyout. I tried to imagine myself a year from now when negotiating. I’d take the monthly cash flow over a lump sum. Also the house and equity is a big chip to play.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/24 03:37 PM
2

Get good at dating
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 11:24 PM
1

That’s how dating is these days. They’re talking to a bunch of people and you should be too. Just have fun and don’t over think it
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 11:20 PM
5

Start looking for next option and keep her on the back burner for now. She’s likely doing the same to you anyways.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 06:45 PM
2

Tell her no alimony, lowered child support and take on that 50k debt if she wants the house.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 11:27 PM
8

I was told it only matters in family court. You have rights to your children so that’s the bigger problem here. Document everything, use her affair fog against her and negotiate the best deal you can get. Get to work in the early days of divorce, you can feel bad later when the work is done.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 09:53 PM
4

It’s just something people say. I usually make a joke and say I have more time to focus on my rap career now
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 07:05 PM
4

I’d say don’t ever take her back because she won’t respect you. Divorce is a bunch of little gut punches but you’ll adapt to each one. Learning about grieving helped me identify the emotions. It’s all worth it when you find the right girl though. Been feeling like I’m 18 again lately
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 02:56 PM
20

She’s projecting that’s all. Single mothers are a dime a dozen in the dating world.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 10:56 PM
7

Shopping is the best way to look at it, I’m finding it super fun
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 02:58 PM
3

They only need to know that you’re single. Don’t talk about the divorce unless they ask about it. Have fun and let the conversations flow naturally
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 11:04 AM
2

Oops also say no 3rd party contact PL 215.50-3 here in NY
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 10:40 PM
3

Just got out of an 18 year relationship and from experience you’ll decide if that’s true or not. I made dating a goal for April and after a rocky start it was an awesome goal to set. No more heartbreak when there’s so many options
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 06:15 PM
3

The social media algorithms can brain wash people fast. Not sure how Insta knew I was getting divorced before me but it jammed all these abusive partner videos down my throat. Once over all the divorce stuff, hookup culture becomes awesome though
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 05:59 PM
3

Don’t do it, find someone that’ll make you never think of your ex again. Resentment will always fester with an ex
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 05:46 PM
2

3 options 1. Nothing (not good) 2. Try to fix marriage (might work for a while but will ultimately fail) 3. Complete divorce (will suck at first then eventually gets better) The human brain moves away from pain and towards pleasure. All options involve pain so you’re stuck in the mud. I never cheated but did option 1 until I was ultimately cheated on. Finish the divorce while being a good human towards your stbxw. Take the pain and grief that comes with divorce, then rebuild. If you get good at …
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 05:41 PM
7

I find dating after divorce fun as hell. Also the divorce isn’t your fault, she could have communicated any issues and they could have been worked on. That’s not on you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 01:54 AM
6

Mine still says she never cheated even know literally admitted in text to friend and stopped coming home while still living together. Now she has all the emotional damage from me🤣
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 05:06 PM
-1

I say forget those hobbies for now and get good at the dating apps. It sucks at first but after a while you’ll get good at it. I feel like a rock star these days compared to my old life. These girls are wild these days🤣
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 02:13 PM
1

I agree but at same time it’s something that’s helped me with loneliness. Messaging doesn’t hurt anything and a lot of times it just fizzles then on to the next one. It’s a scary and exciting part of the healing process
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 12:55 PM
1

Have to get out of your comfort zone, try new things. Get on dating apps. Learning how to get good at the different steps from profile, messaging to actual dates will keep you busy
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 03:02 AM
3

Ride the waves. Watch some videos heart break, basically grief counseling. Working out helps. It’s not easy but does get better in time with the right mindset
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 01:39 AM
3

After handling everything really well, the anger, hate and sadness hit me last week. Cardio and writing down all the ways I was fucked helped. Then really accepting each one and just take the pain. Once you’re broken down you can start building your self up again using gratitude.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 07:19 PM
11

Mine paid all the bills and never worked🤣
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/24 10:33 PM
6

Dude just run or your life will always be in chaos
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/24 12:22 PM
2

Flirting and getting attention from females is the answer.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 01:03 PM
8

My divorce will be finalized in a week or two. The process was started on February 26th of this year. Faster the better imo
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 09:56 PM
3

She probably has BPD. My ex was very nasty to the people she lived with and sweet as pie to anyone else. Now that I don’t live with her I get the nice version of her.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 05:38 PM
10

She likely did it to bother you so don’t let it bother you.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 05:37 PM
1

I was going to stay in the house until I found another one to buy but then she stopped coming overnight. Used her guilt to negotiate SA when she got home. Once SA was signed I left that week.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 04:00 PM
5

You’ll get half the equity of the house regardless of name on mortgage. Pay for a couple consultations with good lawyers and you should get a wealth of knowledge. If anybody else is reading this, always get your credit cards out of the house once you get the feeling things are going bad.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 12:12 PM
6

Them are all her problems. Majority of the girls I know don’t give a shit about that stuff and just want to have fun. Focus on your own goals because she’s not worried about you.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 06:51 PM
3

Sell it and put the money on black
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 01:54 PM
6

9 out of 10 relationships with BPD fail. I kick my younger self for not having higher standards. I made it 8 years with one and the whole thing was awful. Only way I survived was burying myself into projects and pursuing goals. The good news is I came out of it a better man than I went into it. I get how you could get to 26 years because they would make your life miserable if you left them so you always do the easy thing. Be thankful you’re out of it, focus on setting your life up for success an…
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 12:28 PM
4

Loss of pride would be the only result.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 02:04 AM
3

Set some goals and start small. It’s ok to be down for a while but you’ll have to pick yourself up some point. It’ll take some time but you’ll reinvent your life.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 09:23 PM
4

My ex was a black out drunk girl and I cringe at the thought of another one.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 02:14 PM
3

I say the faster the better as long you’re getting a good deal. If she’s getting the house, you better be getting a sweet heart deal with the other assets. The negotiation is the most important part of a divorce. The deals they’ll accept to not have to move and buy new furniture might shock you.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 02:11 PM
2

I’d just say it’s a red flag without knowing anything else about the girl. I’m probably just projecting what I’m looking for and that isn’t it for me.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 01:59 PM
5

That’s not the behavior of someone you want to settle back down with. Had a friend that was constantly cheated on and dumped. He really started working on himself and attracted the perfect girl for him. The combination of self improvement and simply having the right person in is life solved a lot of his problems. I’d say cut the trash girls out of your life early so they don’t drag you down
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 01:34 PM
10

They say you learn what the other person did for you in divorce. I’ve learned that she didn’t really do anything. Set that boundary early and stick with it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 12:30 PM
8

Really fresh for me but I’m learning how isolated I was. She kept me in her bubble and it’s nice seeing how many people I actually have in my life. It’s nice having the freedom to do as I please now.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 11:24 PM
1

Just ride the waves, it’s ok to have bad days. If your apartment isn’t that nice, make plans to make it nice. I’ve been really focused on making my apartment a nice environment and it keeps my mind busy. Just making little to do lists each day seems to help. Try taking magnesium glycinate for better sleep and calming the mind. As for her, two cheaters are going to have problems over time. Get your life together, focus on self improvement and your guys trajectories will start heading in opposite …
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 09:43 PM
3

Use her affair fog against her and negotiate a good deal for yourself. Try to negotiate right after she gets back from being with AP. Get a good lawyer on retainer and be nice to her until settlement agreement is signed.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 05:46 PM
4

Don’t give up, just trial and error it. Have some openings lines and funny stories ready to go. Go for volume and get some phone numbers
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 04:37 PM
3

I plan on getting married again just with a prenuptial agreement in place. Can’t be afraid to live but assets need to be protected at the same time.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 02:47 AM
11

I used the house to keep a 60k a year pension I can start collecting on at the age of 49. She’d have gotten 25k of it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 08:10 PM
9

That was well written and not too far off from my story. Only difference is my stbxw is a bipolar nut job and I feel better when she’s not around me.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 05:21 PM
2

I always start small when getting back into a routine. I start with just walking on the treadmill and increase from there. The elliptical gives me the most endorphins with less wear and tear on the body. Start small with weights too and just start increasing. I also start with working out the glory muscles(biceps-triceps) first to get quick easy results. Get a dumbbell set for home if needed so it’s less activation energy to get started. Also as far as keeping the routine, workout to feel good. …
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 06:35 PM
5

You don’t have to forgive just co-exist. She broke the family up for some old dick and that’s the only story the people in your life should hear. Use the anger to better yourself, you’re a free agent now and the better you are the more desirable you’ll be. I look at their cheating as an unforgivable excuse to get out of a bad marriage guilt free.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 02:42 PM
1

A lot of people are hanging on by a thread themselves and are in no condition to help other people. I’m responsible for everything in my life including the people in my life. While in the thick of divorce I tried not to trauma dump on people and be upbeat about the situation. When out, I try to remember that people are out to have a good time and not to be a therapist. I tried to set an example for other people on how to handle the situation and have been told how well I’ve handled it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 09:30 PM
6

I’m super happy since getting out of the misery bubble she created for me. I honestly seem to enjoy everything about life more. Not having that negative energy around me is great. I’d have kept doing it for the kids if she didn’t give me the out and I’m thankful she did.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 09:21 PM
2

Would you feel any better if she started a relationship with a dude that’s better in every way than you? She likely has mental health problems either diagnosed or undiagnosed. It’s better to just get away from people like that. Be a good dad and have fun being single.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 05:40 PM
5

Im enjoying it. I like not living with a messy hoarder and having my own environment. I talk to a lot more people now so I’m not really feeling lonely.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 11:11 AM
6

I’d say rent the place and you don’t have to make any other decisions right now. Give it some time and let everything play out
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 11:41 AM
16

Get a good lawyer and you’ll be ok. Give her more money up front if needed to not pay alimony. Find out what’s most important to her then use it against her.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 04:56 AM
7

It’s out of your circle of control. Shut off all communication with her and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/24 10:46 PM
3

Get a lawyer, play nice until settlement agreement signed. Try to keep lawyers out of those negotiations, found they just muddy the water. She’s probably lazy so take advantage of that to get the deal you want. Also better to negotiate while she’s in affair fog. Better to not drag it out.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 08:29 PM
1

Affair partner
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 03:31 PM
3

If she ever loses a bunch of weight she’ll probably cheat on you for your perceived affair. The relationship is likely over in time no matter what happens next. Sounds like you’re headed towards being an AP despite what you say, most fail so don’t do it for that reason alone. I’d probably slow play it and have every angle covered before making a move.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 03:13 PM
10

She cheated on you and broke the family up so fuck her and her feelings about anything. You have a new life now and her lack of control over the situation isn’t your problem.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 04:06 AM
1

Side hustle or higher paying job needs to be the goal here.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 04:04 PM
8

Why get your own place then? Just go start living your life and she can chose to be part of it or not.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 03:26 AM
8

I’ve had friends over the years that were afraid to get married and I would tell them you can’t be afraid to live. Meaning it’s ok to make mistakes but freezing in fear isn’t ok. I made my mistake and got 2 great kids out of it so it wasn’t all bad. Post divorce is more about doing what you want and building the exact life you want with no influence. I can afford to be selective and not make the same mistakes the second time around.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 02:15 AM
8

I don’t respond to any questions unless it’s about kids or dissolution of marriage. I’m not her friend and it’s just business transactions from here on out.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 11:57 PM
11

Yep my stbxw made sure to tell how her recently divorced trash friend was doing well. Then she surrounded her self with these friends from work that look like miserable rejects of society. They pumped her tires up and did me a huge favor. Got out of a terrible marriage clean and her manic to mania episodes will be somebody else’s problem now
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 06:23 PM
8

Yes but if the guy is a good dude I’ll always pump him up to the girl. If he’s trash then I just eat popcorn and watch.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 05:31 PM
4

Take advantage of her laziness. Id definitely pay that debt off since no divorce actions have actually been taken yet. Give her where ever you’re living (unless ton of equity)and all furnishings if needed
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 03:38 PM
4

It gets better man. If she’s spending 50k on a credit card she likely has mental health issues and it’s good to get away from her. Kids need a strong father figure to look up to. Little conversations with them through out life matter. I set a goal at the beginning of by divorce to handle it better than anybody I know. Start setting goals, learn everything you can about divorce and negotiate the best deal you can get. She wants this so she should take more of a hit. Fill your head with inspiratio…
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 02:19 PM
2

Ask for payment deferment through mortgage company.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 01:24 AM
7

Ride the waves and let time do its thing
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 01:21 AM
3

Taking care of kids gets easier as they get older. My boys feel like my friends sometimes as we’re bullshitting around about sports and girls
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 10:16 PM
3

Get out and be social. This is your time to be selfish and do things for you. Divorce is a new beginning
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 02:21 PM
6

She knows you’ll know your rights if you talk to a lawyer. Definitely talk to a lawyer, she’s cheating on you so it’s time to protect yourself
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 12:41 PM
2

Only keep things that add value to your current life. My bipolar ex cheated on me then yelled at me to take my ring off. I took it off and put it on a shelf and that’s where it’s gonna stay.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 03:34 AM
1

Get a voided check from her and have your bank deposit directly in that account
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 01:11 AM
1

Don’t sweat the small stuff
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 05:44 PM
5

It might just stress the dog out if he sees you at this point. Other than that, my guess is she can’t control a dogs reaction to do you and she wants everyone to hate you. It’s just a control thing
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 05:19 PM
5

Dude this is really good
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 05:00 PM
1

Sounds like you’d get screwed pretty bad. Read somewhere you could move some stuff to a trust but I’m certainly not an expert on that
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 12:42 AM
6

Ride the pain out then start noticing the days getting better. Little by little the anger and pain fades.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 12:19 AM
2

Force yourself out of your comfort zone and try new things
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 10:22 PM
2

There’s so much more to than just the gray rock that everyone talks about on here. If they cheat, they have weak psychology and it should be used against them
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 07:53 PM
5

Go on Amazon and get a bunch of hidden cameras. Apple Watch recorder is great too. Get a high priced lawyer and pay for consultations with all the other best lawyers in your area( she won’t be able to use them then) Don’t leave any credit cards at your house so she can’t use them. If there’s savings pay a really high retainer fee for your lawyer in case of war. Do the work now, prepare for war now. Once all set, disarm her by acting vulnerable and tell her how much she has hurt you over the year…
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 03:03 PM
8

At least she’s gone and that money won’t make her happy. Find your happiness and peace without her
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 03:12 AM
2

Everybody is going through the same thing here. Calling a guy out for trying to help another guy isn’t great either. That said, having proof was important for me because it was motivation to keep moving forward with the process. I also think that running on anger is fine too, you can get a lot accomplished with that type of fuel. Just know that you will crash and get sad at some point. It’s all ok and part of the process. Just riding the waves.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 01:36 PM
5

Same boat as far as friends are all wived up. I go to bars by myself and it’s been awesome. Forces me out of my shell and gets me used to talking to others. I’ll have some pre planned funny stories or lines then just let it rip. Also network as much as possible, sometimes a 10 second conversation can change your life. Smile be fun to be around. Always have hope that the right one is out there. Hope is huge for never giving up.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 11:08 PM
2

I’m surprised the deal I just got from my stbxw and all because she is useless and has never had to do anything on her own. She wanted the easy way out, stay where she is and with all the furnishings. I knew this and knew she wanted the dream house. So I proposed a deal that I thought she’d never take. Her family was trying to talk her out of it but she knew how much work it would create for her if she didn’t take it. Long story short, she signed the SA and kept the house.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 09:47 PM
1

Here’s a little advice and this is what I did. Have 2 outcomes that your ok with going into the negotiation. Make sure she’s aware that you’re ok selling the house and taking half the equity. Be firm on your wants and it’s an either or. The only wiggle room you have is the time that the loan stays in your name. I went to 3 years to get what I wanted. Not sure what assets you guys have but I’d ask for her whole 401k or something outrageous and you’d be surprised
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 07:14 PM
2

Use that as a chip to get the best deal possible.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 06:26 PM
1

I wish that happened to me and I’m guessing a lot of other guys would feel the same way. You’re free to find a good girl now instead of wasting your life with the wrong one
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 02:37 PM
3

I had to with my one BIL and he knows to watch his mouth now. There’s consequences when talking to another man
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 12:55 PM
2

I think it’s more affair fog, she gets bitchy when she doesn’t go over AP’s house. Really upsetting in the beginning but learned to time my asks in the SA around that. She was gone last night so hopefully she’ll sign this SA today
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 12:53 PM
4

I’d say punch the BIL in the face and see how many problems that solves. Maybe the MIL and wife will get in line after that.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 04:36 AM
3

That’s super smart of you! And shows the need for this type of thing. As time passes I’ll probably look for something similar by me. Have one friend that went through the mood disorder marriage but they last almost 20 years. I feel fortunate to get out after 8.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 08:15 PM
2

Nice, keep doing gods work! I’m seeing this week that it’s really needed
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 07:52 PM
2

Yea I’m hoping that part will get easier once not in the house. She’s on cloud 9 while I’m sick with the flu this week so it’s been extra rough but solid advice
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 07:19 PM
3

I’m about 2 months in, ran on adrenaline and anger for most of the time then the sadness kicked in last week. Trying to just ride it out because I know it’s part of the process.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 05:26 PM
5

Let it all out man. I’m crushed too struggling to focus on anything. I’d focus on problem solving and being grateful for the little things. Start networking and making friends. It’ll get better, have to hang in there and give it time
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 02:40 AM
2

Life is amazing man. Just have to be able to laugh and find the humor of it sometimes
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 03:49 AM
1

Record and document everything. Go for full custody if it’s that bad. If you own your home, take an equity loan out to pay for a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 03:45 AM
2

Find out what she wants most and use it as a chip. Usually the house and its equity are a big chip to get everything else that you want. I’m keeping my 60k year pension, no maintenance, business and brokerage account with 100k. Just had to give the house up and pay CS
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 03:39 AM
1

It’s all table scraps as you get older
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 04:45 PM
1

Read response below
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 04:44 PM
1

I disagree, I said nothing about being an AP. That is a low value move. I’m talking about a miserable relationship where you can see the writing on the wall already. Not today, tomorrow or even in 5 years but the dude is a piece of crap. Terrible husband, father and human.I see people on this post associating their own scenarios with this scenario and it’s simply not the case. I’m scorned too but can also recognize the signs of someone hanging around for stability because I did the same. Thought…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 04:43 PM
2

Yea man we just picked the wrong ones but it’s ok
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 01:48 PM
2

Starts with confidence. Learn to speak and act with confidence. Be humorous and fun to be around. Have charisma and people will naturally be drawn to you
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 01:35 PM
2

She sounds awful so you just built a great life with the wrong person. Have to challenge yourself man, you were smart enough to do it once you can do it again. Fill your head with inspiration, most great stories start with adversity
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 01:11 PM
8

Be supportive but set clear boundaries. Most importantly no sex. Don’t get trapped
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 01:00 PM
5

Sometimes it’s as simple as a scummy low value person having access to your wife through work or anything else. I’m a high value man and it still happened to me.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 12:48 PM
6

Focus on nothing but self improvement and how to get the best deal for yourself in this divorce. Challenge yourself to handle this adversity better than anybody.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 03:52 AM
10

Pussy really messes with dudes common sense. Don’t give her a thing unless court ordered
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 01:02 AM
4

That slow burning misery part is absolutely true. Campers, boats and a big house with in ground pool never fixed it for me.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 12:09 PM
13

She honestly sounds like a piece of shit. Stop being nice unless it’s strategic to get into a better financial position. Negotiate the best deal you can get and get her all the way out of your life. You need to workout, cardio and weights everyday. Let this experience harden you and become better for it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 03:50 AM
2

Yea he’s asking for trouble. Also it’s easy to judge other people so I’ll just use this as a reminder to not do the same.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 12:51 AM
8

It’s called an agreement for a reason. DO NOT agree to that. Have your lawyer go over it with a fine tooth comb and resubmit a new agreement. You can either make a new one with language slanted your way or just play it reasonable from the beginning.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 11:55 AM
2

Reading about Stoism helps when dealing with loss. It also helps put life in perspective sometimes. The problems we face today have been faced since the beginning of time. It’s kind of a broad answer but something you can target on your self improvement journey.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 04:06 AM
10

That stuff is all outside of your circle of control. Focus on self improvement and use your pain as motivation for a better life.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 03:27 AM
3

Not there yet but I’m sure it’s coming. She’s bipolar so I’m sure I’ll just have to deal with it from a distance now.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 03:24 AM
3

I’m super excited about the next phase of life. Just getting away from that terrible energy has had a positive effect on my life. I enjoy the little random conversations and little things in life now. Once in a while I’ll let the bitter thoughts in but mostly have good days now. Hope you hang in there and get to that point too .
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 03:15 AM
5

I’ll make a very long post once the final chapters of this story are written. I’m hoping it’ll be an inspirational story that will help others by the time I’m through it
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 07:38 PM
1

Eh I basically had a light switch moment with my stbxw. It turned out to be completely justified and I’m glad it happened.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 04:59 PM
0

Brainwash yourself with self improvement videos on the topic and get some cardio in. Take your anger out in the gym.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 11:27 AM
1

Your nerves will settle.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 11:21 AM
6

Yea man, cut and run now. I let myself get manipulated back into a relationship because it was the easy thing to do. It’ll always be the same, little bandaids then back to the same behavior. The only way out is through at this point
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 11:15 AM
1

Honestly what worked for me was showing vulnerability and saying how hard it is for me too. Telling her how I can’t sleep and have no appetite. Once I did that, the fangs went away and it’s been amicable so far. I talked about kicking butt at co-parenting and becoming friends. I can write a book on here about the last few days. It’s trending towards a fair agreement that has been submitted to her lawyer. She has BD and possibly BPD so keeping things calm will be a challenge but so far so good.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 04:01 AM
3

Your low paying job is saving you. Once the divorce is final, make it your life’s work to make more money and buy another house. As for AP, who cares who she’s banging. She’ll be with people and so will you. All that stuff isn’t in your circle of control anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 03:08 AM
3

Do something today that your future self will thank you for
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 01:00 AM
2

Try to buy her out of any of it. Give her a lump sum up front to avoid it if possible
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 12:54 AM
6

This group is a great start. Lots of lessons and knowledge in here. It’s oddly comforting seeing so many people go through it. As far as staying sane, cardio, limit alcohol and focus on self improvement. Make sure to come out of this thing better.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 12:50 AM
6

You owe yourself a good time. It’s part of self love. I’d go with jokes ready of why you’re alone and a bunch of funny stories to tell. Charm the hell out of everyone while you’re there
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 08:53 PM
2

You could probably buy her out for cheap if most of the homes equity was paid for with pre marital money
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 08:14 PM
8

Delete the gambling apps. That relationship sounds over but you have to get yourself ready for the next one
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 02:38 AM
6

You’re really young dude. Use your constructive energy to find some new trim
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 02:33 AM
1

Find out what ex values most and use that as a chip. Push for a quick agreement to avoid the stress of a long drawn out court proceeding
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 11:33 PM
1

Go on a friends Amazon and buy highly rated hidden cameras and the largest sd card that it will fit. Buy an Apple Watch and learn how to record. Add the recording app on your phone to your short cuts. Get any weapons out of the house and make sure friends are aware. Also let a trusted friend know about the cameras
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 11:30 PM
6

Why even talk to her period. Block her on everything except email. Not even the good kind of email, like an old yahoo or aol email
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 11:28 AM
1

Just to read every post on here and keep your head up
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 03:58 AM
3

I’m in the beginning phase of that same scenario. I can tell you it’ll end the same way and I’ll never go back. Let her lay in her own bed and be other people’s problems now
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 02:08 AM
8

Apple Watches are great for recording. I believe only in 10 minute clips but has served its purpose for me in past
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 06:50 PM
1

Pay your retainer fee and put that trash ball behind you
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 05:39 PM
3

Dude it’s a bump in the road. If OJ Simpson can live a good life then you’ll be just fine
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 04:51 PM
2

I’m actually really excited about that part. My goofy but capable personality has always done well with women. While married If a girl started getting too flirty I’d always intentionally torpedo it. Now it’ll be nice start taking the next steps. Good post and hopefully it’s motivation for some guys out there.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 12:27 PM
-1

Stop hitting the bottle and only occasionally socially drink. Try drinking cherry tart juice to help with sleep. She is a bad egg and you’re lucky to get out of it early. Force yourself to workout 5 times a week and keep self improving. Focusing on solutions is always better than trying to rationalize the actions of a nut job.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 12:07 PM
6

Step 1. Google lawyers Step 2. Call and schedule consultation Step 3. Pay retainer with cash or credit if needed Puff your chest out, be a man and get it done
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 06:32 PM
1

Is she on adderall?
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 11:52 AM
11

Law of attraction. Look down and that’s where you’ll go.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 10:04 PM
9

Nope, she blew her chance at a marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 12:39 PM
3

Similar boat but plan on negotiating for retirement funds.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 11:13 PM
5

Block her number and necessary communication can go through emails. Your relationship is over and she’s only keeping you around as a back up plan. Move on
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 08:34 PM
1

Try taking some magnesium later in the day. Probably really low with all the stress. Other than that, start with really small wins to get you back motivated. Exercise and the nutrition needed for exercise is a great start. Limit alcohol and view it as a weakness. Hold yourself accountable everyday and in every weak moment. Write your progress down and write your goals down. Most of all, be a man!
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 12:22 PM
4

Don’t be needy, be the prize. Girls have to know you’ll be just fine without them imo.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 11:13 PM
0

Embrace the challenge and focus on self improvement. Workout, dress better, look better and learn how to talk to girls. Show no weakness and be a man. Focus on improvement and by the time you start seeing results she’ll be depressed from being a cum dumpster.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 06:36 PM
2

Get a dog and a hobby. Softball and indoor/outdoor volleyball are great
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 01:15 PM
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