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View 3 posts and 60 comments by Big_Calendar_4170 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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4

Your name doesn’t need to be on the title if it was purchased after you got married - it’s still marital property. If it was purchased by her before you got married, then it’s her property.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 05:17 PM
1

Agree if there’s no children.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 04:05 PM
8

Spot on. Can relate with identical experiences. Started typing my own examples but there were so many I just deleted them.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 08:12 PM
3

Agree! Well over 100K in legal fees by now. Probably closer to 150K. All that $$$ wasted because she wanted to be toxic and choose to be a horrible coparent. If she was a decent coparent and decent in the split instead of false accusations, things could’ve gone much differently.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/25 07:44 PM
3

My ex is also deliberately working a waitress job, only 20 hours per week, reporting poverty wage at 14.5K annually to try to max out CS and get welfare benefits. Petition for another hearing was just filed on Friday. The support conference for a reevaluation requested by my ex was an absolute joke and the conference officer overturned a judicial decision on her earning capacity without authority and without merit.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/25 07:13 PM
3

You’re getting killed! I would’ve been around that amount but got it lowered because we disputed the earnings capacity assigned to her in a support conference. We had a successful hearing! Try getting credit on years of alimony based on years of spousal support when negotiating the divorce settlement. We did. I think the only reason she went for it is because she didn’t want me to drag her through the mud in another hearing.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/25 06:51 PM
3

Married 11 years. It took nearly 2.5 years for the divorce to be finalized.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/25 06:47 PM
16

Jealous of you and the other posters, but also happy for you. Mine cheated and fell into affair fog, but it ended too soon and she got 1/2 of everything and contributed zero. She also got spousal support until divorce finalized and then alimony for 18 months. The day her alimony ran out I was taken back for a CS reassessment. I fought and still fight tooth and nail on everything and a large cost to me for legal fees, but fuck her… she’ll have to earn every extra penny she gets so now we’re litig…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 10:00 PM
6

Hey… I had all those parts too!
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 01:06 AM
3

Your contributions after date of separation (DOS) are yours, but the gains or losses earned in the last 18 months on the amount at DOS are split equally. For example, if that 200K growth is all gains from the 300K, and all of the 300K is marital, then she gets 1/2 of that 200K as well. If you put in 100K before marriage, then she gets the marital portion only (300K - 100K = 200K) + the gains since DOS on her 200K marital portion. In your case looks like there is no losses. For example, if you pu…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 09:58 PM
2

Not sure, but I’m in PA; I would think if you’re paying the mortgage you would receive a full offsetting deduction on alimony or APL/maintenance regardless of the state. That only makes sense to me. Unless there’s some major issues or work schedule issues, modifying to 50/50 custody is possible. Whoever occupies the house can be litigated, but will be tough to win if she has primary and that’s where they reside.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 09:38 PM
3

She would not be entitled to Spousal Support/APL if you pay the mortgage on the home she is living in. This was the case when we were separated, as explained by my lawyer and enforced by the domestic relations/support conference officer. Her attorney agreed and didn’t try to fight it. She decided she wanted the Spousal Support instead, so she moved out shortly afterwards and rented an apartment.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 02:41 PM
1

This is incorrect.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 02:10 AM
1

You’re probably looking at 1 year of alimony for every 3 years of marriage, so approximately 7 years of alimony unless you can come to an agreement or another deal. For example, maybe she gets more in divorce settlement or gets a major asset. Your +80K versus her being assessed at minimum wage would probably result in an alimony payment between $700-$900 per month.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 11:49 PM
2

I believe you. Sorry if my comment came across the wrong way. I’m currently in a situation where I have primary by a razor thin margin, but I’m being advised by own lawyer to agree to change the order back 50/50 because the judge who would preside over the hearing would prefer the schedule is 50/50. My lawyer thinks there’s a strong chance the judge would rule that way, even though it’s plainly obvious that mom is only requesting the additional nights to be able to get child support as the addit…
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 04:16 PM
5

You couldn’t get Primary with her having that DUI-accident with the kids present?
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 03:48 AM
1

My bonus, which is NOT guaranteed and can fluctuate wildly, was included in my earnings in the CS calculation. In the US.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 02:26 PM
2

This advice is invaluable.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/24 03:18 AM
3

Wow. Way to trust your gut and follow through with a paternity test. Thanks for the reply in the midst of everything happening in your life atm.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/23 05:07 PM
8

What led you to get a paternity test five years in?
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 10:52 PM
2

You described my experience perfectly. Near identical, including two college degrees. I’d also add her going from undocumented and banned from the US to a citizen. Tossed away a loving, hard-working father. I couldn’t have expressed my experience and hurt any better than you did here. Thanks
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 04:57 PM
2

PIs will put a tracker on.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/23 04:44 AM
2

This is what’s going to happen, even with very good representation.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 10:02 PM
2

Northeast PA. Biggest city is Philly & NY, 2 hour drive. I’ve met all women within 30 minutes from where I live. Cities around here are relatively smallish. 30-50K.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 01:19 AM
2

I’ll be 41 soon. I’m not tall, only 5’9”. Average looking imo, get compliments occasionally. But I’m in ok shape (not great, but good enough). Not balding - some obvious grays on head and face, stayed well-groomed when I was on the market, dress nice, appropriate for the situation. Have my own house. Make decent money, but I need my job. Have a daughter. Have joint custody. Soon will be primary. Definitely had A LOT of baggage with custody and while divorce was pending. Was married about 12 year…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 10:26 PM
2

File a motion to modify the custody order for unmonitored phone conversations. Here’s copy and paste from my order, “The party not then in physical custody of the minor child may exercise reasonable unmonitored telephone contact, including video teleconferencing (Facetime, Skype) and text messaging, with the minor child. Any missed call shall be returned within twenty-four (24) hours. The minor child may also initiate telephone contact with the party not then in physical custody of the child.”
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 04:57 AM
7

i swear any woman, god fearing or not, would cheat under the right circumstance when alcohol is involved. Are you going to be there every time she drinks? Nope
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 09:34 PM
1

Thanks for your great input. The CS payment won’t be a significant burden. I was able to hold her to potential earnings when we had the APL/SS and CS hearing, which made the payment somewhat manageable. I kept alimony the same amount as APL for the divorce agreement. I’m going to play the long game as you put it, and we’ll see how she treats me.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 11:41 PM
6

Found one that meets all of these, just not her own home, but she has land and wants to build on it - with me. She’s OK with a prenup. She wants kids eventually. My daughter from previous relationship is nearly 10. Us men on this forum know how a wife can change drastically and quickly, and become unrecognizable and horrible. I think I’m now in a position where I am moving a relationship forward with full expectations that it may not last, and that’s OK. With this always in mind, I will be able …
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 06:23 PM
4

I’m impressed how well you handled this and how well you seem to be handling your emotions. How long was the marriage? Kids?
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/23 03:15 AM
1

Thank you for the response. DR is Domestic Relations. Ex’s alimony is about to run out, and to make up for the loss I suspect she’ll want to reevaluate Child Support. I had greater than 50% of the overnights in a calendar year due to several reasons (about 58%), but our custody order as written for 50/50 was the deciding factor for CS payments to continue. The extra overnights were not a factor in the calculations and 50/50 was used. I’m now looking to have the custody order modified where our d…
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 04:49 PM
4

Similar situation after 100K on legal fees. She doesn’t care about spending quality time with our daughter, has not supported a single extracurricular activity, and maintains 50/50 for the CS as I’m the high earner. I almost had a shot at primary when her work schedule would’ve had her away at nights, but she lost the job. Now she works evenings while daughter sits at her job on school nights during her custody block. My lawyer said that I can take it back for a modification, but there’s a stron…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 11:56 PM
6

My daughter was 6.5 when we split. I would pull over on the way home after dropping her off and bawl my eyes out. I had the custody order changed where the parent she’s returning to has to do the pick up at exchange time. I think that helped a little. A lot of advice on this forum is to wait before dating. I didn’t wait too long to date again, and I think that helped too.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 01:36 AM
2

Unbelievable, but that explains a lot. Almost as if they’re coerced into believing abuse happened when it didn’t. Everyone in the legal system profits off the nonsense, except the poor guy who’s life, family and finances are destroyed. Wife is incentivized too.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 11:56 PM
5

I think this is wonderful advice. My ex was dead set on ruining me and the allegations became worse the more I succeeded.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 11:36 PM
2

My ex went to our county’s Women’s Domestic Violence Service Center to ride on the coattails of real abuse victims while getting free legal representation and trying to alienate my daughter from me. Amber Heard 2.0. Doesn’t matter if the DVSC knew she’s full if it, more clients and false abuse claims are the pathway to more funding so they rode it as far as possible. Someone advised her to go this route, and it was pathetic. I’d never harm her and at my very worst I only engaged in arguing while…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 11:34 PM
2

Yes - all of this after a decade of marriage and a daughter. To this day I still wonder if my ex truly went insane, but then I remember how she told me she was going to RUIN me if I ever told anyone she was cheating, and how she planned and prepared to do just that.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 12:20 PM
4

Don’t deprive your young daughter from having you in her life, even if it’s not much time. She’s going to need you to be there for her at times, and one day she’ll be able to reach out to you on her own. Even those small moments are worth fighting this battle you’re going through. You sound intelligent, don’t be ashamed to seek help.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/23 02:23 AM
1

Great advice here. I was the center of my daughter’s universe. If it wasn’t for our unbreakable bond, she would’ve been cut out of my life as my ex attempted the DV route with the worst false allegations. I petitioned for a GAL, which turned things around 180 degrees as my ex had a meltdown when the GAL initially suggested I be the primary custodial parent.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/23 12:41 AM
4

This advice is absolutely perfect. All of it. I wish I had it before my separation date. As it turns out: My ex fell in love with someone else who she’d known before she met me. My ex had a premeditated plan, she got advice from all of her divorced girlfriends and single moms. She called the police to my house because I was trying to talk sensible about saving our marriage. She stalled by agreeing to marriage counseling and then, while I was at work, emptied all accounts and paid off her medical…
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/23 12:23 AM
2

Well said. This is me now 3 years post separation, 9 months post divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/23 01:09 AM
2

Classic Dill and I can relate. 11 year marriage, she just finished a BSN degree and accepted a job. Bumped into her old friend who apparently was her long lost love as she was finishing her last semester. The hell with everything else and I lost 1/2 of everything I worked for, including 1/2 daughter’s after being with her daily for 6.5 years. Plus alimony in top. This is the one area where smart financial planning and saving backfired. Tons of red flags looking back and now appreciating them for…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 04:38 PM
1

Good story. When the timing is right, and with the appropriate context, it seems fitting to let a child know your support goes beyond the limits of your fixed time together. Especially given circumstances where you’re not cast in the best of light. Input so far varies from all the comments, but I think the majority lean toward letting children know, especially considering the circumstances.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 09:10 PM
1

Wow. My marriage was not as long as yours, but I can relate.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 04:44 AM
2

Thanks. Great perspective.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 03:16 AM
2

Ditto on the Robux. Thanks for your input.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 03:07 AM
3

I’ve talked to my lawyer regarding leveraging mom’s work schedule to gain more custody. The risk, and most probable scenario, is that I get thousands $$ into the custody modification attempt and then she makes a job change to accommodate our daughter. Mom also becomes super nasty again (I went through hell for awhile). A good lawyer, and she has one too, could spin this to “demonstrate” that mom is ready and willing to make a job change (or has already done so) for the best interest of the child…
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 12:52 AM
3

I’ll reiterate what others have said here. My story is similar. You’ll see many comparable iterations of it on Reddit. My ex rewrote our entire history to try to justify her behaviors after 11 years of marriage, 14 years together.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/23 11:43 PM
2

Thanks for the thorough response. I’ll have to run those scenarios on that calculator again. My filing status, HoH, from the previous year (when I had more overnights with daughter) was used in the determination for my support obligation at the hearing. I didn’t split any credits, but I believe they were included as part of my total income. You are correct that filing status is not always a guarantee as IRS and State go by whoever has the most overnights. I can not always be guaranteed to be abl…
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 02:10 PM
1

PA is different. I’m in PA. You must earn significantly more than your ex. I have 50/50 too and I earn more. The higher income parent has to pay support, but 50/50 IS factored into the math. There’s a formula with inputs and an output. You can find the formula online. If you disagree with the recommend support at the support conference, you can have a hearing. Afterwards, you’ll receive a determination including a printout with all the inputs used in the calculation, and the result. Joint custod…
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 04:08 AM
3

Mine went from undocumented immigrant before meeting me, and living fraudulently facing a U.S. ban, to citizenship, two degrees and graduated from nursing school with a BSN about 13 years later as a result of my support. Then she fell in love with a guy she knew before she met me. Damn me and the kid - I became a villain somehow after giving everything possible, and raising our daughter for her first 6.5 years. Her novella, ride off into the sunset ending with Mr. Wonderful didn’t work out.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/23 01:07 AM
1

Ex is also 44, divorce finalized when she was 43. She took what she needed or wanted from the house before she moved out. I made an inventory of the higher priced items, as all that was left was the yard sale value items. She also provided an inventory. Didn't place any value on the items in equitable distribution offer, but we had it ready if needed. For leverage in the Master's conference, in case they wanted to get difficult or petty, we had a simple note in our proposal that household items …
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 06:35 PM
2

My ex (PA) reluctantly accepted 18 months of alimony at the Equitable Distribution Master’s conference after already having received two years spousal support. 11 year marriage before separation. They argued for at least 3 years, but I made a firm, fair offer given how she earned two degrees during our marriage, showed earning potential, and I had a copy of her transcripts and resume. I said I’ll take it to a hearing for anything more than 18 months. I also offered 50/50 on all assets/debts.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 03:43 PM
3

Spot on. I filed a preemptive PFA. I put real, factual information on mine. My ex wife got to briefly experience what she planned to put me through via false DV accusations. Misery. She then filed a retaliatory PFA with ridiculous, outrageous accusations - some very horrible. Lies that I wouldn’t have imagined she could even be capable of fabricating. A woman I’ve done extraordinary things for stooped low and turned ruthless because she thought she was in love with an old coworker who she knew b…
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 04:27 PM
2

Ouch. Did you accumulate about 160K in marital assets within 6 months in order for her to be awarded 90-100K in a 60/40 split? Or are you counting legal fees and other money wasted on her during the relationship?
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/23 03:03 PM
3

“lawyers love to drag things out and bill hours UP UNTIL actually going to trial.” Well said.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 03:24 AM
1

Thanks for your response. My experience was similar with attorneys on both sides being much worse than expected at math, and probably more “run of the mill” than I had hoped for the divorce matters. I stuck with my attorney because of her reputation, referrals, demeanor and success in custody. She also did a nice job holding my ex to earning potential when we had to litigate on spousal support.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 03:02 AM
1

This was in PA.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 02:24 AM
3

Hmm… I wish my attorney informed me about this. Instead, we took the value on the date of separation and subtracted the value on the date of marriage to determine the marital asset portion. I had a decent pre-marital amount in 2009, which would’ve valued much higher with its growth when we separated in 2020. Our MSA listed a defined dollar amount awarded to ex-wife based on the math above, with gains/losses on that amount, for the QDRO.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 02:23 AM
2

She can be held to her earning potential. Worst case scenario if you have no proof of previous earnings, your attorney can subpoena for tax returns, paystubs. If she’s your ex wife, then there should’ve already been a discovery process as part of divorce and proof of income. I was able to use my ex’s resume, paystubs, and discovery information against her to hold her to RN salary when she took a min wage job and requested $2K per month for 50/50. In her first discovery, she said she is happy wit…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/23 01:04 AM
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