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whiskey_piker Archive

View 0 posts and 233 comments by whiskey_piker on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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5

I can appreciate the question. In the interest of providing clarity to those searching for support or insight Ill share more details. Yes I absolutely would do it again My(54) life is better without the chaos my Ex brought (likely BPD tendencies exacerbated by CTE from too many sports concussions). I would just take different care w/ respect to my kids than I did. My relationship w/ the Mom was toxic. I self evaluated and made changes and learned enough about myself to understand where I was wea…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/10/24 06:08 AM
20

Divorce when children (of any age) are involved is an extreme risk to children. Any man venturing into that realm should be spending significant effort to read, learn, and plan to lead and support your children to success. I went full scorched earth and no contact w/ my Ex. I also kept my kids aware of court proceedings and developments as appropriate (like reporting the weather and not pointing fingers) which gave them much needed comfort of being included. Here’s a mind fuck for you all to be …
/r/MarriedRedPill03/10/24 05:36 AM
3

You are delusional. It’s like you haven’t read the laws of your own state. You sound illiterate when you say you haven’t agreed to Alimony. Bro; you had a Stay At Home Mommy and two young kids. The judge is going to chuckle when they 60% of your income to her. Just for giggles you should google for a state Alimony calculator to see what that could logically look like. You are not in a safe space. Childcare; good luck finding childcare that is 1wk on and 1wk off. Im concerned for how out of touch…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 07:11 PM
10

Id be getting official medical documentation on that breakdown and contemplation of Suicide and leverage heavily.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 01:47 AM
2

Just push this to email. You can even create specific gmail addresses for this communication that don’t contaminate your regular inbox.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 05:03 AM
2

Very few have the means. But the ones that move out are the ones that make it work. There is no obvious solution.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 12:44 AM
2

Basically, yes.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 06:24 AM
1

Yes, many states are pushing mediation. I have no idea why yours was so expensive. The truth is, if your ex is cooperative, much of the divorce process is smooth and inexpensive.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 11:42 PM
2

Home ownership in the highest cost of living locations in the country are probably not wise at the moment. But looking at vacation property locations could yield tremendous gains. Don’t get married again is an easy solution. Prenup also works.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 07:27 PM
4

Pay for an attorney consult. There are no free consults that are worthwhile. Go with specific questions about your situation and keep the attorney on track to educate yourself. As an aside, you sound like a mess as well and given your situation, “hoping” for a cooperative, amicable, inexpensive divorce in your situation is, frankly, laughable. You don’t get along w/ your STBX so atop wasting fantasy time thinking you will get a favorable and affordable result. Spend more time thinking about how …
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 07:05 PM
1

You have built yourself a real mess. What leads you to continue to avoid getting actual legal help?
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 06:02 PM
2

Many states have calculators for alimony and child support. Even if California doesn’t even get a basic idea by using one of those calculators offered in another state.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 12:26 AM
5

Then what; nothing the week they’re with their Mom while you’re still laying for the au pair? Have you looked into the costs?
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 07:07 AM
2

I went email contact only w/ my Ex during the process. Same issue; toxic asshole that always escalated fights. No phone calls and mo texts and this has been the vase for the last 5yrs. Besides email is easy to submit in court with dafe stamps.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 02:21 AM
2

Two week vacations in summer are normal. Even if they stay at home. Use this as an opportunity to focus on more important things.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 02:16 AM
2

I was in my mid-40s after my divorce, and dating apps were a complete waste of time. However, since I am successful and outgoing and attractive and fun, it really is just easier for me to meet women face-to-face. Highly recommend that anyway, it forces you to continue to be out in public seeing people rather than isolating yourself behind the computer screen. Happily engaged now and my fiancé is about 15 years younger than me.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 11:30 PM
1

You missed what I said. You knew. But you kept asking and assuming it was fine. In other words, you weren’t really changing and she was tired of telling you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 10:13 PM
-3

Here’s the important thing - you knew she wasn’t so you can’t be surprised. I mean sure, the day she told you was a surprise, but if you didn’t know she wasn’t fine that is the issue for you to work on.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 01:14 PM
0

Every person has a limit to how much shit they’re going to take. Yours is a classic example of “by the time you really heard her, she had already packed her bags”. The lesson for you is to keep on your learning path.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 05:49 AM
3

You need to deeply evaluate what you think that person would add to your life.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 07:23 PM
1

You are barely ready for divorce because you have no identity in a relationship. You don’t know how to say “no”. You have many tough conversations coming up; the first of which should be the “we are not able to pay for your college” conversation. Plenty of school districts have a scholarship program that will give kids 2yrs free at the local Junior College. Start there
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 10:48 PM
2

Better question for your attorney
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 07:57 PM
1

Mediation is different than court and also not a great negotiation. Their goal is to get agreement, not get you a great deal.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 07:52 PM
6

Many people married a person whose traits will not lead to the type of marriage or life they want. I happily flushed my 18yr marriage once I realized this. Quite happy now. Younger fiancé, much more intelligent and business minded and hot as hell.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 11:52 PM
1

Obviously the marriage wasn’t great from her end. Likely you just didn’t hear the issues she had. She processed grief for the marriage and has moved on. So that’s your only choice here. Divorce costs money. Consider that a judge will see every transaction you make so don’t blow your case by doing something stupid. Credit cards and loans are joint property. If you don’t have $5K cash, yes, you will need to do whatever you can to pay up. We all want a collaborative divorce because they are so cost…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 08:49 PM
2

You sound like a toxic person. If this so-called surprise was truly for your Ex, you could have prepared her. But it sounds like she was completely caught off guard. But in a truly brilliant and narcissistic manner, you’ve managed to make it about you. Betting that she has told you multiple times that she doesn’t like this type of surprise but you always do it anyway, because who doesn’t like a great surprise?!
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 11:12 PM
2

All you can do is accept and listen. Your behavior or the dysfunction in your relationship was obviously different to your husband than it is to you. He most likely has been telling you for years that he couldn’t take it but none of that registered for you. He finally got to the place where he was able to mourn and let go of your marriage. Now you hear, but hearing isn’t enough when one person has closed out the union.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/24 07:20 PM
2

The issue is always - do you even want to salvage or knowing that people don’t change, would you choose this person today? Pay for a 1hr consultation w/ several divorce attorney so you can understand all the steps that you are about to encounter. Will help you strategize your moves.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/24 04:56 PM
0

You aren’t stuck; you just keep getting reminded that you can’t have normal childhood experiences with your Ex because the two of you aren’t cooperative. Both of you are too self centered.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/24 03:20 PM
3

Separation without specific and measurable goals between two people that BOTH want to make changes, means nothing. I knew it was time, 8mos into “working on things”, when she got home from a ling recovery weekend and claimed to be incredibly rejuvenated. At literally 10mins after her arriving home (I don’t even remember what I said) she was screaming about how I ruined her weekend and threw a potted plant at my head. I actually said “thank you. You have helped me make ip my mind with great clari…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 02:53 AM
5

You are being irrational. She is unhappy enough to file first so why would she care what you think is reasonable? Also, every court will shield a stay at home mommy’s “level of lifestyle”, so there is no incentive for her to be cooperative. What is your attorney advising?
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/24 08:42 PM
1

In a lot of instances, the parties CAN come to an agreement without court. This is one of the few changes to Family Court that is in our favor. But the mediation process is not great and to your point, can all fall apart anyway. In general a Mediator just wants to get you to agree. They don’t get you a good compromise.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/24 08:14 PM
2

The difference is that she already processed the stress and anxiety that you are barely moving through. Sounds like you might be the person that “got blindsided”, therefore you have to understand your role in the divorce. Accept where you are at this moment and stop obsessing over ridiculous things like “I’ll be alone forever”.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 08:21 PM
8

Every woman is different and so is every situation. Since you know she already has child obligations, it’s ridiculous for you to think anything about this relationship would be like one where two single people are dating. Yes she will need to figure out childcare every time you want to do something. Yes you are going to feel like you are not her top priority. Yes you will need to consider creating relationships with her children. I mean, this is a very complex relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 08:11 PM
1

Not sure if you’ve ever been to family court, but it is standard practice to ask for court costs. OP: there isn’t much you can do. Just pay. Credit cars, loan, overdraft; whatever. It sucks. I was in great shape after my initial divorce result. A year later, my Ex cratered and kids didn’t want to see her anymore so she took me to court and then she lost big time. No problem, just $8K cash from me.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/24 10:29 PM
3

Asks for help with stipulation of “I do not want to do the basic and most effective work on myself”. Truly sad. For 45 days, commit to the following: Clean up your diet. Cut all drugs & alcohol. Lift weights and go running outside. Stop saying “I can’t”
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/24 07:29 PM
17

Stay focused on the divorce rather than the sexual activity of the person you are actively divorcing.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 11:18 PM
3

Teenagers are going to dow whatever they do and they cant possibly comprehend the stress and complexity of decisions you need to make. Not talking to you? Who cares. They’ll either come around or not. Also, I can’t remember a time when a person (who claimed money was important) went through the cost of refinancing to get equity out for one of them, while the other kept the house. Look at yourself. If selling the house makes you feel like you are finally expressing yourself without trying to plea…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 11:08 PM
1

It’s COMPLETELY irrelevant what we think if we haven’t experienced your exact situation in your State.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 06:33 AM
2

A lot of moving parts here. Sounds like there is no parenting plan or court document outlining parenting time. Sounds like you struggle to hold boundaries. Make plans during your time. Do not make changes to time (at her request) to make things cleaner.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 01:51 AM
2

Terrible idea. Besides, there are so many dynamics of people and relationships out there; being left, being the one that left, abuse survivor, abuser, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 05:37 PM
1

Ages of kids would help. Keep the schedule as simple as possible; you do not want to need the court documents for every event. Week on week off is simplest. Don’t ruin Christmas and Thanksgiving with same day transfers. During the school year, keep transitions to school as opposed to picking up at the other house. Make transitions on Fridays so you have the weekend to settle in. Don’t make rules about a household that isn’t yours. Cooperate as much as possible for Sports/extracurricular activity…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 04:48 AM
1

Parenting time is not Custody. Def educate yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 01:48 AM
8

I went through this w/ my 14yr and 17yr olds a few years back. My Ex is super emotionally abusive and they were done w/ her. Wanted to stop going over to her every other week. This all occurs about 18mos after divorce is finalized. Working w/ my same attorney, we prepared for court. Cost me an additional $8K just to have my 14yr old tell the judge what was happening. It was a Female judge this time since our male judge had retired. When she heard son’s testimony she absolutely blasted my Ex for …
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 07:54 PM
2

Seems obvious for an asset, right?
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 07:35 AM
3

Terrible situation. You need the stay at home mommy worming as soon as possible or you will be 100% on the hook for “her lifestyle” for the next 18yrs+
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 11:50 PM
1

If you’re divorced, the answer is obvious (or none of their business until it is relevant). When I was in process I would say “it’s complicated” but I had already landed my current fiancé so not really important.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 08:11 PM
2

This may sound harsh, but when people say “I’m not paid what I’m worth” there actually needs to be some clear force that wants to pay them this amount of money. If you aren’t paid what YOU want to earn, then you are delusional. Earning $24/hr is barely above minimum wage. If you go to school, the only thing in your favor would be getting a Bachelor of Science in Business. It’s a Swiss Army knife for education. The kicker is that your success depends upon YOU, bot the paper.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 04:56 AM
0

Legal custody V parenting time; you need to research so you understand.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 03:19 PM
3

Just re-read what you wrote with a clear head. You are saying she is threatening to make your life miserable if you don’t agree to everything she (your bi-polar STBX) says. You are on a failure oath if you don’t visit an attorney to understand the game. Her stay-at-home-mommy routine will cost you dearly as it is.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 06:33 PM
1

The biggest obstacles you will have is recognizing and peacefully accepting your contribution to the current level of failure and failure to move forward without wanting to fix.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/24 05:36 PM
5

I really don’t think about her and it’s really nice. Harder on my kids (17/20 now, but 10/12 when it started) since they are both struggling w/ her behavior and emotional abuse.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 03:19 AM
3

Consult an attorney; not us. That said, I stayed as long as I could. Every day was a chore and the impact took a heavy toll on my 10/12 kids that Im still working through today with them. Don’t EVER “stay for the kids”. But also, don’t abandon your real estate asset. It’s totally find to grab a place to rent and spend tome there whole still maintaining the home and spending a night or two. Moving out is expensive for anyone. That’s why so many have to sell the home. Doesn’t matter that the mortg…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 05:36 PM
11

You can’t force someone to pay for education. Just move on.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 07:29 AM
2

Consult w/ several lawyers and file first. Control the flow.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/24 11:24 PM
2

Anything is possible and there are always stories for it and against it. Make a list of the things that you’d be most concerned about with your plan and seriously evaluate them. However, to the casual observer, your solution merely helps you avoid facing a problem and making actual changes.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 03:23 AM
2

Absolutely came here to say this. It is IMPERATIVE that your wife start working any job. If your kids are very young (elementary) and need after school care, then she gets a PT job. If kids are in Middle / High School, she gets a FT job. Just non-negotiable here. Also, get rid of short term debt now. Control spending and finances. If you aren’t the driving force for paying bills, it’s time to step into being a man and control your money. Where is the money going, are you paying yourself every mo…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 09:27 PM
2

It’s terrible advice to raise children under the stress, pressure, and toxic emotions in a home like this.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 09:15 PM
7

Act like a person that earns $30k per month. Get a new lawyer. Don’t agree a ridiculous monthly amount. Your biggest mistake is the 23yrs time as she’s been a stay at home mommy. Now all judges will want her to maintain her standard of living. The good news is that as ling as you pay something, its not like they’re going to confiscate assets. Put a mandatory mediation clause in anything you sign so she can’t just grab a $500/hr attorney anytime she feels like hauling you to court. Also make it s…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 02:55 AM
6

Narcissism is often on the hook for shitty behavior. Bipolar (BPD) is more correct. Also, if you aren’t getting your woman’s hormones checked out in her 30’s and start tracking pre-manopause, you’ll e set up for the shitty behavior from her body making wide hormone chemical changes.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 02:32 AM
3

Fallen out of love? What are you doing to fix it or is it even able to be fixed? Are you attractive, do you take care of yourself, are you fun, are you leading her? Many of us choose the wrong person to get married to in the first place. Norf, as you get some ears under your mouth and realize this is not the person I wanna be with, there’s no fixing that and staying one thing you are in fact, doing is training your child, the ideal relationship to have. So, if you don’t like your relationship, t…
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 11:13 PM
1

You can be taken to court any time for anything.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 11:27 PM
1

Now listen to yourself and the reasons - do you actually see the work being done?
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 03:38 AM
3

Personally, I didn’t feel that way at all. Then again, divorce was my choice and my Ex was a BOD/Narcissistic manipulator. I happily cleaned up my finances in a few months and was mentally healthy enough to date. I also had been investing significantly in my kids (8/10 at the time) development and that was a smooth transition. I pity the parent that needs to form a close bond with a teenager. That’s a ling, murky, arduous journey that must be travelled. This just means you are early in your reco…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 07:58 PM
-3

TL;DR- you waited too long or put too much of the “get some help” responsibility on your wife. For perspective, people that say they are blindsided really have had full knowledge in the majority of situations. They heard their partner complain. They saw their partner’s frustration. They knew exactly what partner needed. But nothing happened because… “it wasn’t that bad”. Meanwhile, the unhappy partner is left with no changes in actions/words. This allows that partner the appropriate time to get …
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 07:40 PM
1

Bravo! You’re really getting it now. Next question, what do we do with people that fail to follow through w/ expectations?
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 12:31 AM
3

While there are uncertainties, you are missing the obvious- what is the exact reason at this moment that the divorce isn’t finalized? Who filed first, what is the next step in the process, etc. if these things aren’t known or being talked about, it’s either a man with no conviction or a man that’s happy with the way things are. Conversely, from your own perspective, what is YOUR reason for happily living with a man that is divorced and you don’t know why?
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 12:30 AM
2

Plenty of states have alimony calculators online. Just run numbers to see what it looks like. Either way, your situation is not good. Sounds like a stay at home Mommy. You cant be forced to pay for future things so they are just throwing those in like “well, we coils drip through tennis lessons if you add a few more years of alimony “
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 11:57 PM
2

Yeah, terrible situation. You are being lied to. “Let me know when you’ve figured your situation out and the divorce is final”
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 11:46 PM
1

Actually im glad for your comment and all of the downvotes. Vocalizing expectations is step one. Holding your boundaries is step 2.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 07:07 AM
2

Vocalizing expectations is a life skill
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 04:47 AM
7

This is the majority of men that allowed the SAHM situation. That is an earned role. If she can keep the house clean and keep your balls empty, she gets to keep her job. When the sex stops, she goes back to work.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 01:13 AM
3

Theyre crap and time waster. If you’re even remotely attractive and dress well, just act like a functioning man that is fun and can make a woman laugh. Im engaged so I don’t pursue anyone, but high end grocery stores are great for meeting attractive women.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 03:37 AM
2

Mainly knowledge, experience, and style. Im a recruiter so I generally ask questions that drill in deep and I don’t let soft answers slide. Questions like: what other cases like mine (age, duration of marriage, number of kids, kids ages, Etc) and getting some excerpts. If you have a concern - mine was unstable STBX that after 20yrs as an accountant decided she was unemployable- state your concern and then find out if they’ve had a case like that, what was the situation, how did it turn out, how …
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 10:20 PM
4

Time to bounce. Just pull the cord. There are so many people in this world. Probably better to learn your lessons and start fresh.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 05:32 AM
16

This is going to hurt your sensitive feelings, so buckle up. Start by healing your trauma and find where you left your confidence as a man. For crying out loud, these are young teenage girls (basically) and in general teenagers don’t give a shit about their parents. Children of divorce have trauma. Start acting like a man that understands the these girls need to heal. They don’t need your selfish emotions about the things you “deserve” from them. Accept them this moment for what they are going t…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 11:28 PM
11

My Ex was coming to me twice a day for sex. Completely messes w/ your head. Do not do it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 08:23 AM
4

I interviewed three attorneys and hired the best. Happened to be a man. They all happen to be men. I was more concerned with skills. We negotiated out of court, and at the time it was a male judge. Judges keep your case, and if you ever go back to court, it goes to that judge. Well, our judge retired and my Ex took me to court a few years later. Guess what! A female judge that nobody had ever worked with took over our case!! Funniest line of that case was when the judge admonished my attorney “p…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 03:49 AM
13

Another person’s hindsight may not be applicable. Having been “that couple” several times in friend groups (once that ended in divorce and my current healthy relationship), here are things I notice in other couples: Time spent together - do you sit close, hold hands, touch each other frequently. Are you on phones, silently watching movies, etc? Arguments - we all have them, but what are you arguing about, what is the attitude during the argument, how do you resolve? Sexual compatibility - if it …
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 09:53 PM
2

Your Ex is the issue.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 06:55 AM
2

No, you just have a long way to go before you find a spine and hold your boundary. Respond once - “communication through email only” and then respond only through email. Schedule events during your time? Skip completely. Hold her accountable “Mommy knows not to schedule her things during our time”
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 06:31 AM
22

Your lack of confidence is the issue. They can see it a mile away. This dating isn’t fair / involuntary celibate vibe is a dead end. I(52) found a much younger gorgeous woman (about 15yrs younger at the time) that is the most attractive and intelligent woman I’ve been around. When we vacation she can be dressed in a small bikini or covered head to toe and still people stop and stare. What I failed to understand before being with a woman this visually attractive is the sheer volume of low quality…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 06:15 PM
6

My Ex is imbalanced and emotionally unstable. Email communication only. Not allowed to come to my property. No phone calls. No texting.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 04:43 AM
3

Why would you need a confession? just serve the papers.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 03:11 AM
3

Mine was an emotional volcano. Always screaming at me. Always my fault. I’ll save you some time, money, and mental anguish. Get an attorney and listen to them. Completely skip marriage counseling as it won’t do anything. Plan your finances, pay off short term debt, get your car in running order. Cancel shared credit cards. Open your own bank account at a new bank. Stop blindly depositing paychecks into a shared account. Invest in your kids today and spend time with them. Make memories. Talk with…
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 06:40 AM
7

Yeah, smoking deal. The only improvement would be 100% legal custody if she’s flaky, druggie, or confrontational.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 06:11 AM
6

More like the client is clueless. You should have dumped this attorney already. YOU should know what alimony and child support looks like and then bring ideas to the table on how to negotiate. YOU know what are her hot buttons and how to manipulate her. Where were you in mediation?
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 01:59 AM
7

Bruh, how can you be this far along in the process and not have any idea of the situation you’re looking at for alimony? Your state should already have a calculator. Im guessing you promoted to stay at home Mommy and so you are most likely fucked. The court is going to want her to maintain her standard of living. Should have had her get a job.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 03:50 AM
6

You’ve given her the bulk of your life, literally. Tell her tonight.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 01:38 AM
5

Counseling doesn’t make you change your feelings about your wife. If you don’t like her, the marriage is done.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 05:47 AM
15

It isn’t delusional- it’s narcissistic. They cut people off from you while you were busy acting like there weren’t problems. Classic.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 11:47 PM
6

Start w/ the first decision only. Do you want to spend the rest of your days w/ this wife? If not, cut the cord. That brings the next set of decisions.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 11:12 PM
1

When in doubt try to push things through a mediator instead of court with attorneys.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 08:02 PM
5

Oh. Yeah, my Ex was like that to the letter. Honestly, I happily walked away from daily sex and regular threesomes w/ younger single women. Much like you said, I was successful and never had an issue w/ women, so the least of mg worries were finding another. I was your age as well and the stories are true that a physically fit and reasonably attractive man in his 40’s/50’s can easily be dating and pursuing women in their 20’s. I found that early thirties professional women was my sweet spot when…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 06:24 PM
1

It can be difficult to forecast a parenting time plan five years and 10 years out. Rather than looking at it as “how can I fight for it later in court” which cost a ton of money, maybe put in a collaborative review (with a mediator if necessary) review every two years.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 06:13 PM
6

It isn’t uncommon that one person will bot see the signs of impending divorce until the other person has completely quit and processed the reality of divorce. It isn’t something you come back from lightly and your STBX would need to want to make 100% changes immediately- BUT you will have a ton to change as well by getting over your resentment. Few marriage counselors would take those odds. The time to “fix” w/ a counselor was more likely 15-20yrs ago, not a few months ago. You’ve spent potentia…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 06:04 PM
5

Why don’t you love your wife? The real reason. Is she irritating or not interesting? Is she overweight or just not visually attractive? Think of the things you’d do over a ling weekend with a woman you are attracted to - why can’t you do those things right now? It’s often stated that your relationship is a reflection of your investment. Besides the fact that my Ex was a toxic and emotionally abusive shitty person, she spent most of our relationship on the ragged edge of obese. I didn’t want to s…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 05:01 PM
3

Love the part about discernment. Well stated. It is possible that women his age are in a stronger emotional space and confident with what they want from a relationship. It is highly possible that a younger woman doesn’t want him for his money yet she enjoys his experience and attention. Life is perspective.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 04:54 PM
1

No, probably ego or emotion led you astray there.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 12:06 AM
1

The sober truth is that so few married couples can afford their same lifestyle solo. The fact that it isn’t quick and easy to divest a portion of equity from a mortgage means that the far majority of family homes must be sold.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 11:30 PM
9

Filing first is strategy just like choosing kickoff or return in Football. I filed first. Happily. If my Ex filed first she could have slow rolled and delayed the process even further.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 04:15 AM
1

Start by cleaning up your diet, then get your aerobic processing effective, start losing weight, start lifting heavy weights to build strength. Cleaning up your diet alone will help the most - no high fructose sugar, low sugar intake, no soda, cut out alcohol or smoking, eat more green vegetables, eat less processed (box) foods, reduce carbs, etc. Lifting heavy weights will help w/ testosterone production.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 08:46 PM
1

How much do you spend for personal balance and opportunity to spend life without crushing stress cost? My kids are happy and I am thankful to share my life with a intelligent and gorgeous redhead 15yrs younger than me.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 06:01 PM
6

You build confidence and attract younger women genius
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 06:26 AM
3

Get an attorney now and tell them all of this then follow their advice. Pay off short term debt now. Make sure your car is in good working condition or go get one that will last you the next 5yrs easy but not raise the judges eye. Cut off credit cards. Start micro managing money. Close shared bank accounts. Put your salary into your account first. Remove her from 401K, insurances payouts, get her off your will as beneficiaries, get her working, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 02:03 AM
2

Underrated comment. Start keeping a low key date stamped journal. Hand written is good. Brief description of time of day, what occurred, which room, what you did to diffuse, document a few phrases verbatim.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 02:01 AM
1

No, it isn’t more nuanced than that. That is what you think. That is not what a kid thinks. Besides, what kind of message is “im staying in a shitty situation that is bad for all of us because I want you to have a single family that is depressing and dysfunctional even though I had an opportunity to leave and create a functional and stable home for you without your Mom”
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 01:51 AM
10

Separated for 10mos and you don’t know what to ask for?! And you have no olan for what to do with your kid?! Christ man, get in the game. A judge would take one look at your feeble engagement and agree w/ your Ex that you aren’t very responsible or engaged in your child’s upbringing. Look up the difference between primary custody and shared parenting time. I did shared parenting time and primary custody so I don’t have to deal with my batshit crazy ex. For this age through HS, I highly recommend…
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 01:40 AM
5

Staying “for the kids” is a misnomer. To stay in a toxic or dysfunctional relationship with a person that is not healthy for you only trains your kids on the example they should strive for.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 12:28 AM
2

You sound like a mess and are over complicating this process. Step 1: divorce - yes or no THEN move to Step 2 of being interested in an amicable divorce. My suggestion is to plan for the worst and hope for the best. Put this ball in motion and deal with the unknowns as they occur.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 05:59 PM
4

Sounds like she’s put nothing into herself or the relationship. You might dig internally to learn why you made such a choice for a person with her habits.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 05:44 PM
5

Mid-life crisis is an inaccurate fabricated term with negative connotation. The reality is that people just want to be happy and some people wake up and want a different life path.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 04:05 AM
7

Sure, my Ex was/is an emotionally volatile piece of shit. Never changed. I had an epiphany where I realized that after 20yrs of that behavior I sure as shit wasn’t going to spend the test of my life like that. Divorce was difficult but far better than the alternative.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 08:56 PM
8

Hell no. When you get to the point of divorce with a person you were in love with, it usually isn’t because they leave laundry on the floor or something minor. Money was a toxic emotionally volatile piece of shit. No need to talk to that thing again.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 04:18 AM
1

People don’t change. You should know this at your age and you know this person and what they are capable of. This type of person that didn’t just show up late to the concert of their life, it’s after the show and the cleaning crew is almost finished and you left hours ago to start your new life. But NOW they are ready and they hear you and willing to put in the work. But you’ve closed down your heart for them slowly, over the past decade and it’s time to live your life without them.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 04:05 AM
2

Lock all accounts. The court will review. There won’t be any hidden accounts once the court process begins and no attorney will help conceal accounts.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 01:12 AM
7

Golden position at your age and having no kids with her doing some work. Get an attorney STAT! Plan everything out before mentioning to her. Pay down shared debt. Get a reasonable car upgrade now and make sure her car is acceptable. Don’t fixate on retirement. Plenty of us were happy to cash in as the time drew near. It’s just a bargaining chip. Also, STOP HAVING SEX with her immediately. Cant tell you how many idiot fucked up a great position like this only to get their STBX pregnant.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 03:41 AM
24

Peace from having such a toxic person in my life, paid off all debts within 3mos, and picked up a 15yrs younger redhead
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 03:38 AM
1

It’s normal to miss something. I miss watching reruns of ChiP’s when I was in Middle School. The person I formed 20yrs of memories and two kids with? She died long before the divorce relegated her to being dead weight. I don’t miss the toxic troll that replaced her and I no longer need to mourn the original person I married. She’s just gone. Mourning makes no sense because it dwells in the past.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 09:08 PM
2

Yep, you are fucked. It’s the “stay at home Mommy bonus reward”. My best guidance for guys pursuing divorce is to get the dead weight out of the house in a job before they even initiate. This might be a 3yr runway. California is particularly terrible to Men in divorce, so a using a headhunter to get you a great job and relocation to a more favorable state a few years before the divorce is extremely prudent.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 08:22 PM
3

Leaving a person that is toxic for you and doesn’t have sex with you is logical. I didn’t leave my Ex for lack of sex, but because she was just accelerating bipolar emotional tirades. Spent most of the marriage dreaming of being w/ an attractive and fit woman (ex is of course borderline obese but always working out and everything always my fault). You won’t know how scorned your STBX will be until you pull the plug. Don’t base your decision on whether you think it will go well or if she will coo…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 11:19 PM
4

Stop. Do not meet. No possible reason. Tell her to text you her cliff’s notes and then fuck off and lose your number.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 01:08 AM
11

What possibly would possess you to stay in contact with this person?
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 01:00 AM
3

This sub might not be fir someone like you that has a functioning relationship w/ their Ex. I’m divorced 5yrs and still gave a no contact rule w/ my toxic BPD Ex.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 01:43 AM
1

That is a terrible idea to stay that close to trauma and expose your daughter to the intense negative emotions and energy.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/23 02:28 AM
-1

FWIW, these are useless ramblings that will only lengthen your pain. For you to act in a way that drove your wire away after 20yrs is a better thing for you to reflect on; and writing it off as “I wasn’t a perfect husband” belies how miserable you made her life.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 09:33 PM
5

When she got back from a 3-day rejuvenation weekend to tell me she is better and within 10mins of walking in the door she starts raging and throws a potted plant at me. I recall thanking her for making my decision so easy.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 09:25 PM
1

Take her out of the equation- do YOU want to spend any time married to a person that doesn’t want you? Then end it. It sounds like she isn’t interested in working on the marriage so stop trying to convince her or guilt her into wanting to stay married to you. Chances are you didn’t nip anything in the bud and she’s over the moon with another guy that isn’t you. Take the bull by the horns and get an attorney, split the cash now, stop having sex so you aren’t accidentally on the hook for child sup…
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 09:09 PM
3

You need to get a better sense of self and your boundaries. She sounds like my Ex who also went off the rails. Here are my suggestions (to everyone with a volatile or unpredictable Ex): Avoid the needling or rude comments Keep communications on one platform (I use email since it was easier to track and document for court to prove how unreliable and erratic she was) Pretend the judge reads every email - cordial and succinct win the day Use short sentences; no paragraphs Don’t laundry list 10 thin…
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 09:00 PM
2

Stop. Get off Reddit. Set two consult appointments w/ divorce attorneys that can work in your stbx state. Get them scheduled for same day if possible. Pay for 1-2hrs and have a list of questions prepared and sent over. The courts don’t care about emotions. They care about mothers that were stay at home mommy’s and now their terrible husband is hooting them to the street. You are not in a good situation.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 09:04 PM
1

I can’t think they would force you to fund a future, undefined expense. What would that be like? “Oh, surprise! I got accepted to Pepperdine & the tuition is only a little larger than your annual salary.”
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 08:51 PM
3

Local experience is critical as well as how many cases they’ve had. Then how many cases they helped settle out of court V how many went to court. What was ket for getting out of court settlements? How many cases that went to court won and why did they lose cases? You want to feel very confident in the attorney. They should know the judges and which ones are preferable. You should have your questions about how to handle money and solve current debt issues today. Your attorney should be able to gu…
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 08:40 PM
2

It’s normal unless you are a regular fixture at the school, talking w/ the Moms and scheduling these yourself. I used to work from home and was very active w/ PTO na did pickups and drop-offs so I knew everyone and always had Mom’s to talk w/. Then it changed when I started dating the hottest, youngest single Mom…
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 08:21 PM
1

Put your assets into a trust. Own nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 08:15 PM
4

No it doesn’t do anything if you wait to get help until after one of you is smoked. Don’t bother is my suggestion.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 09:05 PM
1

Bitter much?
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 05:11 PM
1

Why are you so passive that you are waiting for the person you argue with each day to make the decision? Is it possible for you to decide that she brings nothing to the relationship that you can’t replace easily? And believe me, coming from a person that dumped a 52yr old and picked up a 32yr old, the difference of being w/ a younger, vibrant, non-bitter woman that respects you is tremendous. The sex is off the charts as well.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/23 07:30 AM
1

Your Ex takes up too much space in your head. Choose a car wq your son. Casually let your Ex know what you’re doing. Then do what you want and learn not to give a fuck what her reaction is.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/23 08:32 PM
2

It’s ok to sleep with them and then never see them again, you know?
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/23 06:57 AM
1

Which state is allowing 50/50 decision making fir two people that want to divorce? That’s a terrible idea. I got primary custody in Oregon and that essentially means the Mom is a babysitter. I get all the decisions, provided I ask her input.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/23 06:52 AM
2

Boot her into the workforce stat. Get her 12mos or so of work time, pay down debt, restructure some assets, better forecast planning for the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/23 01:02 AM
-3

Think about it: you such a complete piece of shit to her that you stamped out whatever love she had for you. All the years you hurt her heart when she was begging you to change. Them there was no more love for you so she could process her feelings and leave. I can promise you there is nothing she wants from you.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 03:58 PM
1

Stay and train your kids what their relationships are supposed to look like - a terrible “partner “ and a loveless relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 05:20 AM
0

And what were the agreed upon rules for separation? Did both of you openly discuss sex with others or did you just assume?
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/23 07:32 PM
-6

Make the decision that works best for you. Look at your own issues first. So you had trauma and made a poor decision with the woman - so your assessment is that marriage is bad? Reflect on what you see in the mirror. Removing marriage isn’t a solution, but a way to insulate you from self-reflection and growth.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/23 07:16 PM
3

Depends which process are you stuck in. Where are you in the divorce process; deciding to divorce, starting legal, in legal? Yes, you will feel a great stress weight lifted.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/23 07:07 PM
1

Sounds possible since the two of you are talking. I wonder if opening up on a personal level and confronting some internal demons might be a recipe to salvaging what you have. However, you’re in the MOST ideal situation for a clean, no court divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/23 01:58 AM
1

Mo, you want 100% legal custody and 50% parenting time. How are you supposed to share important decisions w/ a person that doesn’t want to be cooperative?
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 11:55 PM
7

I wish it were mandatory in the sub to add your state as flare required for any post. Since you didn’t list your state or your ages, or your incomes, or any other information, the only answer left is yes you probably will need to just pay and pay and pay.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 11:37 PM
0

You know, in your original post that you referenced you did not include any of the relevant information. Regardless of the fact that whatever we think is irrelevant and you don’t have any money to pay for an appeal, asking strangers on the Internet to believe that you were unfairly ruled against when you didn’t include any information like how long has your wife not been working? How much do you earn, how much does she earn, how many children do you have? How old are they? What state are you in …
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 10:33 PM
1

Well, what are your thoughts and feelings when you find out she’s had sex w/ 3 guys during separation?
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 09:44 PM
1

Sole legal custody.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/23 10:38 PM
3

That isn’t what first refusal means so stop using that term.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/23 10:37 PM
1

You’re finished. No judge is going to have you dump a person that hasn’t had a job is 20yrs on the street. Nope, you’re going to pay for her to maintain her lifestyle and she’ll be encouraged to find work.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 01:32 AM
1

Then do what they say. Don’t ask us.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/23 06:06 AM
1

Get lawyer. Stop.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/23 01:59 AM
2

Solve the problem in front of you without being distracted by future non-existent problems.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 12:18 AM
2

What did your attorney advise?
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 04:45 AM
1

Don’t wait for the kids. You’re just showing then every day the exact relationship they should emulate when they grow up.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 03:28 AM
6

You are in for a big surprise. Your comment about negatively affecting the kids is the indicator that you and your Ex are completely at odds on how to access the money. With that small amount of equity it is doubtful you are both getting houses. It’s more likely apartments.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 06:57 AM
1

All valid points, however, from my personal and recent experience, it really depends on what time and energy you devote to that person in spite of them not being in the same house. Are you still triggered when they send you a ridiculous email? Do you rant about how they acted for a transition with the kids? When you tell stories of your travels are you saying “my Ex and I visited Mexico and it was great!”?
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 02:46 AM
5

I just told her it wasn’t working (after like 30 counseling sessions over a few years) and it was time to out energy into separation and how to co-parent the kids. Flipped out completely, emergency psych consult, you name it. And today? The kids cut contact with the Mom about a year ago and I’m engaged to a gorgeous and intelligent woman that is 15yrs younger with a swimsuit model body. So yeah, things got better.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 09:26 PM
3

Two thoughts - either your buyout is inaccurate or your Ex wants scorched earth. From a sales/negotiating perspective, your reasons really sound like “I want it because I want it and gee, having it would be great.” Nothing compelling. It’s a classic mistake of repackaging your emotions as if another person has no choice but to accept. To solve, first start with - if your wife is pissed and afraid because of the divorce, what does she get out of your solution. Also, we don’t have the value dispar…
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 09:47 PM
3

I think to could be beneficial to you personally as long as you approach it as “exploratory” as opposed to “let’s do these meetings so we can stay happily married”. Whenever there is an opportunity to learn about yourself, there is an opportunity for to benefit for the future.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 02:38 AM
1

The majority of situations the home needs to get sold because it’s impossible for one of the team to buy the other out.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 02:34 AM
2

Is there a point to this? You have proven that you have no trust. Just get an attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 04:14 AM
3

Id have to agree. On a custody dispute, my Ex was terrible enough to the kids that they stopped going back to her place. Like extreme emotional abuse. The female judge was shredding me about why I wasn’t forcing the kids to go back and didn’t like it when I told her I had a greater responsibility to my kid’s mental and emotional success than I did a court document. I thought I’d get obliterated. Then after my kids (14M, 17F) took the stand (judge and attorneys only) the judge decimated my Ex. Ju…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 03:43 PM
2

Primary legal custody gas nothing to do w/ primary residence. Do you not have an attorney?!
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 02:42 AM
1

*cover her bases Yeah, being the one to file is strategic. Lets you control your side of the house first. Now that she’s filed, I believe it puts you in the position of responding. This just allows her to control timelines for her responses. Not ideal. Also, stop having sex. That fuck you in the head or fuck you over if she gets pregnant. My Ex was ducking me daily when I was close to filing and she knew the gig was up. Don’t be lazy.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 12:51 AM
6

Look at it like a bag of money. The process is to split the assets somehow. It might look like you have a $20K car, but she might have art or jewelry worth $20K so it ends up being a wash. Funny story from my divorce, I kept my 1994 car with 190K miles (that I liked and maintained for the last 10yrs) that was only worth $1500 (as far as our records indicated it was worth) and gave my Ex the newer 2004 car with 110K miles worth $8k. That car was going to be like a refrigerator for the next 5yrs o…
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 12:48 AM
1

Any debt is shared debt right now. Might be better to lower the limit or open a lower limit card.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 03:53 AM
4

You want experience and gray hair. You want an advisor you can trust. You want a person that has a track record or trial relationship w/ the divorce judges.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 03:35 AM
9

Waiting so long. Allowing my Ex to have any influence to the pace of the process.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 03:34 AM
1

I got full legal custody and it was absolutely worth it. There’s sole custody and there’s babysitter. Which one can you prove is best fr your? I don’t think it’s common anymore to have split legal custody. How can you let two people that don’t agree or get along stay in a position of making decisions for the children.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 01:39 AM
1

Cancel cards. That is shared debt.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 03:04 AM
4

It’s part of the chess. They all put that pawn on the table for that one time that the other side doesn’t make the request. It sounds like you don’t have a solid lawyer yet. Get one ASAP. They will advise you. You should listen.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 11:03 PM
0

What does “dealing w/ divorce for 4yrs” mean? Child support and alimony are separate and child support is to ensure your children can be taken care of properly when the other person isn’t able to earn enough money.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 09:04 PM
1

FYI, being on medication and in therapy are not signs of “getting help”. Clean up your diet first; no sugar or processed foods and concentrate on eating fresh organic vegetables. Then get out into fresh air twice a day to walk a mile. In 30 days you will clean up and transform. Also, divorce and mid-life crisis often get lumped together with a negative connotation when, in many instances, it’s quoted the opposite. Some of us realize we have to make a significant life change in order to be happy …
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 08:48 PM
0

Mediation agreements are not binding. Waste of time if your STBX is uncooperative. If changes are to be made, post-mediation, it’s usually attorneys unless you didn’t use them. Then back to a mediator.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 05:30 AM
-7

People that stay single fall into one of the following categories: depressed, haven’t properly coped w/ their divorce, not physically attractive, not socially competent, not wealthy.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/23 03:35 PM
3

Your legal fees alone were $300K?
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/23 03:26 PM
5

Mediation is shit. They only want you to agree on something- not something that is good for you. I recommend separate rooms from the 1st moment - like don’t even show up in the waiting room to see her. Most states are not splitting legal custody. You want primary custody. Give big to get it. Remember what you gave if you need to pull it back. For parenting time, keep it simple. 50/50 week on week off, transition on Fridays after school so the kids start the week easy. Separate things at each hou…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/23 03:13 AM
4

Your wife ruined the marriage buddy. Not this rando.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 11:38 PM
1

Avoid unless no other option. When you make your spouse look bad - even when they’ve earned it - your children internalize those feelings about themselves.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 03:14 PM
1

The house goes in 9/10 scenarios
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 03:58 AM
7

DO NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR EX This is such a trap for so many of us. Just gloss over it. Yep, divorce. We were in different places. Subject change. The age difference is fine. When I(52) met my (now fiancé), I was 43 and she was 28. And I still appear younger and in better shape than 90% of the guys near her age range.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 12:37 AM
1

Which state, how many years married, how many kids, is STBX a SAHM or employed, how much do you earn annually, any significant assets (houses, stocks, art, retirement)? In Oregon w/ a 17yr marriage and employed Ex, two children (M10, F14), and a $300K house, my salary ~$130K, her salary ~$50K - we settled out of court even though we had attorneys - the divorce process cost about $8K and much of that because my Ex literally skipped the first court date ($1500 alone for my attny to drive there and…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 12:27 AM
2

Thats your issue. You don’t need a judge and attorneys. Mediation in many states is supposed to circumvent going to trial. Sometimes its a retired judge that assists w/ mediation but only because they have firsthand experience of how things will go down. You’re getting milked.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 04:37 AM
1

Sounds like you have more problems than you are willing to admit. That will drive your costs much higher. It’s a binary question- either sell and split equity (the ONLY solution in 90%+ situations) or she buys you out on Day 1. Follow your attorney’s advice. No idea how you are $10K deep without a parenting plan. Manage your money better. Kids should be 50/50 parenting time; week on, week off with as few adjustments as possible. It should be consistent and EASY for everyone involved. The SAH Mom…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 06:40 AM
1

I(53) was already happy with myself and my hobbies. I don’t have a large friend group. I had already had all the conquests and sexual encounters I felt I needed, so I only focused on finding high energy and positive people. Since I wanted companionship and partnership and bot sexual gratification only, it allowed me to focus on attracting the highest value and attractive women. I was able to do this by being a high value, healing and kind man. And so my fiancé(36) happens to be extremely intelli…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 06:25 AM
2

I’ve git to be candid here man; you are going to burn cash for this or you will get screwed. Make a list of things you want to know.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 06:48 AM
2

There’s custody and there’s parenting time. You want primary custody. You absolutely do not want shared custody - cant get things done. You’ll figure out the parenting time. You’ll adjust your work schedule to travel on weeks you don’t have your kids. It will be normal. “Ah, sorry, I’ve got my kids that week. Let’s make it for the week after” You may need to buy custody. You’ll give up something painful that she wants so you can get it. Also, push for week on, week off schedule. Do not get a sch…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 05:37 AM
3

Breathe deeply and calm down. Don’t load unnecessary stress on yourself like your dream of laying for your kids college. One step at a time. This is a marathon, not a sprint, so the way things look today will be much different than they look in 2mos, 6mos, 2yrs, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 05:08 AM
2

You are fucked. SAHM wq young kids is the worst case scenario. A) drop every time and pay for a $200 consult. At least understand the fame you are in. It will help you avoid stupid missteps B) highly consider making this a longer timeline by getting SAHM to work, pay off debt, make sure you get a car you like and can afford, switch some assets to cash while you can.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 10:13 PM
0

Everybody’s situation is totally different, but I do understand the desire to find somebody that through the same thing you’re going through. The clarity you need? Make the decision and then take the next steps as they come. Don’t get stuck on “ok, the next 5 steps need to line ip and look good with no bad outcomes”. Plan for shit to go sideways and be pleasantly surprised when it doesn’t. Pick a strong attorney that is experienced and has gray hair and then listen to everything they say. Don’t …
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 05:35 PM
2

Yeah, for real. Within 90 days all short term credit was paid off and credit score skyrocketed.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 10:56 PM
1

Setting an example for your kids that they don’t need to stay in a shitty, uninspiring and emotionally draining relationship is a pretty big upside. You set the example for your kids. If your relationship wasn’t great and you didn’t address those things, that’s on you. Look internally for why you resisted.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 10:56 PM
1

I(52) had a female judge when my Ex sued for not complying w/ parenting time amgt (she went mental and emotionally terrorized the kids when they were in 6th-7th and 8th to 9th grade during Covid. Kids got fed up and cut all contact. This female judge was new for the attorneys and our original (male) judge had retired, so my male attorney was 50/50 on outcomes. During initial questioning she was not happy that I wasn’t punishing the kids for jot seeing their Mom and she didn’t like me sayin I was…
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 02:21 AM
3

EVERY trial is different and EVERY judge is different. Don’t overthink it. Your state has a calculator for alimony and child support. Your STBX will most definitely be on the hook for helping you maintain your standard of living.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 03:38 PM
1

It should cost $50,000 to get married and $500 to get y.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 02:40 AM
5

Sad. You’re so used to accepting shitty behavior and abuse you have no clue what a piece of shit your STBX is.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 03:50 AM
5

What am I doing? Just being thankful and loving life. It was important that I find a good woman that was also intelligent so my kids could have a wholesome picture of a good relationship. I’m already fit and took care of myself and attractive so have never had an issue approaching attractive women; although I generally talk with lots of people when I’m out. I was very active in my kids’ elementary school and coached their sports teams so it gave me a lot of social value. Not wealthy at all. I dr…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 03:48 PM
1

Don’t ask us; we don’t know! You’ve got a woman and also a judge and both are completely unpredictable. All of this is just mental masturbation. You should stop ruminating and out that energy into something beneficial.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 05:23 AM
6

Your post is very confusing. How much do you earn, how much does she earn? No kids simplifies everything. Property and savings/investments/retirement are questionable. Washington should have an alimony calculator or at least you can look at another state that does.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 04:21 AM
1

Yeah, it was pretty awesome going to a 25th HS reunion w/ her.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 05:42 AM
11

Man, everybody’s situation is different. Income, expenses, living situation, divorce legal bills, etc. But if it makes you feel any better, I (48) did quite well in settlement; 50/50 with primary custody, $150 child support for two middle school aged kids, alimony at $700, and my income was in the $150K range. Completely debt free within 6mos and deeply involved w/ a GF 15yrs younger. Edit: guys, every state has different laws and every situation is different based in how long you were married. …
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/23 06:49 AM
5

Have you told her how you feel? Have you offered to let her choose between being married with an active and regular sexual relationship and being divorced with her current level of sexual relationship?
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 05:16 AM
3

Only the present day matters.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 06:30 PM
2

Covid exposed the lies most people were telling themselves. Covid didn’t “do” anything to a marriage that wasn’t already here.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 06:35 PM
1

“Staying for the kids” is just you showing them how a dysfunctional life relationship is normal. Make a better decision than most. Invest 100% in your kids from this moment forward.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 01:34 AM
2

No, but I did have great sex w/ my GF and bought myself a high end espresso machine. Listen; who cares what other people think or how they felt. Only your feelings are important. I happily divorced my narcissist abusive Ex and it was a very long and expensive 4yr process due to her stalling and fuckery. I wanted the divorce, I drove the process, and therefore, I was totally done processing all those emotions.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 05:41 PM
3

Took the swing again. Turns out highly educated, incredibly attractive, 15yrs younger w/ a kid the same age as my youngest and on a spiritual healing journey is the answer. Realistically, the best thing for men that have learned their divorce lesson, is that as we age we get more attractive and more powerful and we can attract the top talent of the generation behind us. Then your only issue is avoiding becoming a fat fuck & coping with the fact that Top Gun was released before they were born.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 01:14 AM
3

You gotta bring something to the table for that wishlist brother
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 01:10 AM
-6

Completely different time periods and irrelevant.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 08:39 PM
12

They are a great way to start the end of your marriage. Sometimes that’s for the better and other times it is not. Having been in that lifestyle and then nuked my (shitty marriage to an entitled Ex) as a result, my advice is that if you like your marriage, do not have a threesome. Instead look at the real clues here. Who wants this and why?
/r/askMRP21/05/23 10:00 PM
3

You can’t want it more than she does. Maybe go lift instead?
/r/askMRP30/06/22 01:47 AM
1

But if your name is on the loan and title you are screwed. Do not let her have a car with a loan in your name. Change the title before handing over. My Ex got probably 6 parking tickets at $80/ea that doubled after 60 days and all came to me because the title listed my name first.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/22 11:51 PM
2

What do you mean what field or language? Search for jobs with tech companies that make software or hardware. If you don’t know what those are search for software engineer jobs and then search for project manager jobs at those companies. Look at job boards first and then come ask more questions.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/22 11:48 PM
5

Solid list with explanations and clarity.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/22 11:41 PM
1

Have the discussion w/ your attorney first. It might be better strategy to just let your daughter make her choice after the fact rather than “fight” for it during negotiation.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/22 11:35 PM
1

Kore concerning is that your expensive attorney hasn’t allayed your concerns already. I’d recommend talking to one of the Partners about their incompetence and getting remuneration on your bill.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/22 09:30 PM
1

Super bummer, but this is a great sign for your progress. Keep your cool. Get an attorney ASAP!! Even if you only go for a consult it will help you understand the strategy. Secure your own cash now. If your paycheck is going to a joint account, immediately stop. Close credit cards and pay off balances ASAP. If you need a new car, get one now. If you need to dump a car with a high payment, do that now as well. Document everything. My Ex was physically abusive and volatile. I made a call to the lo…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/22 09:28 PM
1

What does your attorney say?
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/22 09:20 PM
1

If another person wants to divorce you, accept and move on. Being hopeful, trying harder, suggesting counseling are all too little, too late. The amount of pain and anguish a person needs to go through before wanting to ditch their spouse is tremendous. If you felt “blindsided” it’s because you weren’t listening or seeing their pain.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/22 09:19 PM
1

Use the child support calculator for your State or find one online.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/22 09:17 PM
1

Nope - you still don’t get it. Every negative thing you tell your kids about their parent leaves them feeling resentment to you. DO NOT GET ON YOUR HIGH HORSE ABOUT CHEATING AND TALK TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT THEIR MOM. Work on your own issues. Your Ex was a piece of shit to YOU. All you can do is support your kids and they’ll see each of you to your true colors.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/22 09:15 PM
2

Oh boy. Yes, keep your attorney and keep pushing hard to close this out before she comes to her senses. A Mediator is crap because all they are looking for is to get an agreement - not a good agreement. Our state forded (3) mediation meetings in an effort to reduce the drain on the court. My Ex spent about 20mins arguing w/ the mediator about why i was being referred to as “Parent A”; because in her mind i was not the top parent. She blew off the other two meetings. SPEND THE MONEY. Yes, a judge…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/22 09:13 PM
1

Asset split is all negotiation even if your state is strict 50/50. The trick is to find out what she wants and use trades to get it. I had a similar situation w/ cars. I took the 1995 Saab and gave her the newer Lexus to minimize hardship and get things i wanted in trade. She ran it out of water & destroyed the engine within 2mos.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/22 09:04 PM
1

Take a few days and cam down. Your fear of Covid + anger at your Ex is running your life. Covid isn’t the end of the world unless you are vaccinated. It is possible to be around people that have Covid and not get it. Keep up your sanitation, make sure your diet is healthy, cut out alcohol and you’ll be fine.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/22 09:01 PM
1

Growing up is part of life. The separation will more likely be good for both of you.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/22 08:58 PM
1

There should be a lot of Project Manager, Program Manager roles w/ tech companies to choose from.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/22 08:57 PM
1

This is a bad situation. You’ll be completely on the hook for child support and alimony for 18yrs. You might be better served staying in the marriage for a little while longer to clean up any debt (otherwise you will be stuck with all of it PLUS her alimony).
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/22 08:56 PM
1

Courts are changing but preparedness is key. Get a great attorney and state your goals and then follow their advice. Understand that “shared custody” is different than “parenting time”. I’d always push for primary custody if your Ex is impossible to communicate with.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/22 08:52 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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