Custody agreement

SkeptiCynical · 2024-01-13T18:25:24+00:00

The parenting agreement lays out the minimum time you are guaranteed to see your kid. Depending how cordial or combative your divorce is going, you should have a good idea how the parenting arrangement will go in the future but it's a good idea to stay ahead of the bs before it starts.

Some advice:

Make sure the residential parent shares in transportation, e.g. you both drop off the kid at each other's home
Make sure your agreement includes "liberal additional parenting time". Otherwise she may begin limiting your time down to the minimum and less.
Make sure you have unlimited ability to communicate with your kid on apps, social media, phone, facetime, etc. The residential parent may be inclined to try and limit these, despite the time young people spend on their devices.
Keep things consistent - don't divide holidays nobody celebrates like Columbus Day or Presidents Day. Whoever has the kid the preceding weekend has the kid for the Monday following. And decide on the major holidays. Splitting Christmas and 4th of July is an exhausting exercise to keep track of.
Make sure there are "Strict performance" and "Possible Invalidity" provisions. These are very important and might look like this:
- Possible Invalidity: In case any provision of this agreement is held as contrary or invalid under the law of any jurisdiction, such invalidity shall not affect in any way any other provision hereof, all of which shall continue in full force and effect.
- Failure to Insist Upon Strict Performance: Failure of either party to insist in any one or more cases upon the strict performance of any of the terms, covenants, conditions, or provisions of this Contract shall not be construed as a waiver or relinquishment of any such term, covenant, condition, or provision. No term or condition of this Contract shall be held to be waived, modified, or deleted except by a written amendment signed by the parties hereto.
- These cover you by stating that if one part of the agreement fails, the rest stays intact. For instance, even if you don't reimburse her on time for your prorata share of soccer club, she can't just withhold your parenting time. And if you have to give up time because you're traveling, or you're sick, your ex can't say "well you didn't take him on your last weekend so I'm making other plans with him this weekend".
School Notices and School Photos: These are a huge issue with combative residential parents. Of course you have to make sure you're on the pickup list for school, but it's really unlikely that you're going to get timely notices on school events and especially school photos. Make sure there's a requirement that she sends you copies of every paper mailer from the school and she has to send you an intact, unadulterated 4x6 or 5x7 photo from school photos every year. It is a perennial challenge to keep yourself from becoming a marginalized second-class parent when it comes to school.

It's not an issue to change the custody agreement in the future. If you're both mature adults you can navigate this yourself. But keep in mind these are civil agreements, not criminal sentences. You are allowed to deviate from the parenting agreement, swapping weekends or having extra weeks just because you want to.

You don't need even a lawyer to change parenting time if you and the ex don't agree on things, just head down to the court and petition for a modification in the self-service area. If things get heated, you can hire an attorney after the first hearing.

BigPapaSmurfette · 2024-01-12T18:14:23+00:00

Tmk, you are supposed to review your parenting plan at a set interval of time and make adjustments as needed. If your work situation changes and you don't need to travel as much, you can ask for more time.

whiskey_piker · 2024-01-12T18:13:25+00:00

It can be difficult to forecast a parenting time plan five years and 10 years out. Rather than looking at it as “how can I fight for it later in court” which cost a ton of money, maybe put in a collaborative review (with a mediator if necessary) review every two years.

Title	Custody agreement
Author	Interesting_Stress28
Upvotes	4
Comments	8
Date	January 12, 2024 5:47 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/195112e/custody_agreement/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/custody-agreement.1242799 https://theredarchive.com/post/1242799

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