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SkeptiCynical Archive

View 16 posts and 1,061 comments by SkeptiCynical on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
104

Social IssuesSkeptiCynical/r/MensRights30/08/18 07:08 PM
57

SkeptiCynical/r/Divorce_Men13/11/19 02:43 PM
53

SkeptiCynical/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 08:15 PM
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SkeptiCynical/r/MensRights14/10/16 10:01 PM
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Edu./Occu.SkeptiCynical/r/MensRights14/09/18 03:34 PM
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SkeptiCynical/r/Divorce_Men21/09/21 05:26 PM
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SkeptiCynical/r/Divorce_Men13/11/19 02:49 PM
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SkeptiCynical/r/Divorce_Men26/10/18 01:11 PM
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SkeptiCynical/r/Divorce_Men21/05/19 09:08 PM
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SkeptiCynical/r/Divorce_Men29/11/17 07:41 AM
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SkeptiCynical/r/Divorce_Men12/12/17 12:22 AM
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SkeptiCynical/r/Divorce_Men02/01/18 10:28 PM
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SkeptiCynical/r/Divorce_Men03/12/17 07:49 PM
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SkeptiCynical/r/Divorce_Men06/12/17 03:30 PM
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SkeptiCynical/r/Divorce_Men05/11/17 03:36 AM
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FeminismSkeptiCynical/r/MensRights13/07/16 06:16 PM
Showing the 1,000 most recent of 1,061 comments.
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

If this happened 12 years ago and there's no way your DNA will match her kid's, you still have to respond to the summons. A family court / CSEB can possibly assign child support if you don't bother to contest it. That's how they can go after legitimate abandoners and deadbeats. Talk to a lawyer who can show up on your behalf and it will either be immediately dismissed, or they'll order DNA testing.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 12:35 PM
–

If you remember the username, we'll add it to the banned list and the automod can filter out attempts to evade.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 05:35 PM
4

She may not have her own account or doesn't know her own password. If you were on an Amazon Family plan, you may be sharing Amazon features like Prime, Music or Alexa. Like /u/osgo said, put yourself on credit freeze ASAP. Treat this as if your wallet was stolen. Whether or not your ex is up to no good, you should adopt some sensible precautions. Get Bitwarden as a password manager. It's free, cross-platform, and you can import dumps from other password managers. Change all of your passwords usi…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 05:32 PM
1

"Judges don't like X" is a dumb catch-all phrase lawyers use when they can't tell their client that you haven't done anything wrong, but their client doesn't like it. Every single thing a lawyer has ever told me "the judge won't like" was never mentioned in court, and never counted for or against me in any capacity at any stage of divorce. You can circumvent the entire argument by simply texting your ex, "I will be recording our dropoffs for my safety and the kid's safety and to ensure there are…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 05:19 PM
4

This is very typical after contested divorce, custody or child support hearings. It's just legalized harassment. A restraining order may be in effect as soon as it's ordered, whether or not he was properly served, so consider it effective immediately. Your brother has a few options. But first, he absolutely must follow that order to the letter. If he slips and calls her, emails her or otherwise violates the order, he can be arrested. Better to be safe and spend 2 weeks incommunicado than spend t…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 05:02 PM
6

>the sticky says no misogny "..this also goes for cited statistics." Nope. Cited statistics cannot be misogyny, I wrote that under the "this is fine" section. I'll clarify that bit on the sidebar.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 01:50 PM
4

This is a good reason to keep a C corp and not send in the S or LLC filing until divorce is finalized. C corp is completely separate, no pass-through. Sure you pay a bit more in taxes and for filing at the end of the year but there is a complete separation of your business and personal finances. That's what I did on my accountant's advice and the corp couldn't even be mentioned during divorce since I never took a paycheck and it operated at a loss due to "business expenses".
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 04:54 PM
1

Troll is banned
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 08:04 PM
9

First therapy. For yourselves and as a couple. When that fails, remember this: if the reward for getting a job is that you pay less in alimony, there is an asymptotically close to zero chance she will even try to get a job before divorcing. The moment one of you utters the "D" word, you are enemies, so don't expect compromise and helpful cooperation when you start talking to lawyers. There is no winning, so don't look for absolutes. Look at your future without staring at the obvious sunk costs o…
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 07:58 PM
16

Ignore the noise as best you can. Do what you can to get the divorce done as quickly as possible, and choose your battles carefully. Your wife is like my ex - she's Joker from The Dark Knight. If you remember the line, and I'll paraphrase: "Because some people aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with. Some people just want to watch the world burn." Because she is not a super-villain, your wife have to respond to the only thing a…
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 03:38 AM
2

It's rare that game theory pops up in this sub, and I for one would like to see more of it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 02:16 PM
4

Stop talking to her and stop listening to her. Lawyer up and get ready to dig your heels in. What she wants is not what you have to agree to, and it's not what she'll be entitled to. Get a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 04:04 PM
3

My divorce took almost 6 years to complete. Another two years on top of that for a nasty custody battle. It cost me more than $100k and it took me years to get back up to zero. But less than a year into being separated, I met a girl who checked off all my boxes. I had no intention of ever entering a LTR again, neither did she. I had literally nothing to offer except myself. We were both broken and burned by our insane exes. We happened to find each other at the right time and since that day ten …
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 04:02 PM
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If you receive unwelcome DMs from anyone relating to a post on this sub, please report to the mods so we can ban them. These are always going to be romance scams, OF / escort promotions or just chat bots.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 03:48 PM
3

These may seem like a simplified observation and the advice surely stings, but it's solid. If we softened the language a bit the message wouldn't change so the reports will be ignored.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 03:43 PM
5

OP, none of these matter. What she said, what she's doing, none of these rise to actionable family court offenses or grounds. It doesn't sound like anything you did will count against you either. Block her. Let your lawyer represent and stand up for you. Do this the right way now. You are definitely entitled to a portion of your marital home. Hit the gym, delete your socials, listen to your lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 03:42 PM
2

PSA is property settlement agreement, PL hearing is pendente lite, an urgent hearing that can't wait for trial. Different states might use different terms for these.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 03:39 PM
2

Keep those texts, log every interaction and record your conversations with her if possible. Depending how old the kid is, court will assign a attorney-for-child (AFC) and if he's 14 or older, the AFC will just relay his desires to the court. If your ex's new spouse is abusive, you have to file a restraining order on behalf of your kids. That should get this ball rolling. If you aren't seeing your kids according to the parenting agreement, you simply go to family court and file a violation petiti…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 10:37 AM
1

We could use some more info. Please take a look at the bullet-points above the submission form. If you have a lawyer and this isn't a trial, don't be intimidated by the judge. The judge doesn't do anything except sign off on whatever the lawyers agreed to. The bias in court comes from a cultural trend of fathers showing up already resigned to defeat and mothers showing up indignant and victimized. Don't play into these tropes and don't agree to anything you don't want.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 10:33 AM
5

You made the decisions you made based on your principles and the set of information you had at the time. You made new decisions based on new facts and new principles. There's nothing for you to overthink. You did the right thing. Whatever the reasons, your ex sounds a lot like mine: she was never cut out for any type of partnership.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 10:28 AM
3

OK this is an actual case of real gaslighting. 3 year olds will not compose that string of thoughts without coaching. She's attempting to demoralize you so that you surrender your time with the kids, if she can make you believe they don't want to see you anyway. My ex did it, it was shockingly obvious when she wouldn't let the kids speak or facetime with me. Don't even acknowledge the complaint about child support unless there's an agreement or a court order. Make sure you stick to your parentin…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 12:29 PM
1

Protect yourself from the actual criminal, domestic violence, or child endangerment accusations by recording every interaction with her. The rest of the "he said / she said", things like broken promises, delusional accusations, idealist finger-pointing -- that won't matter in court. Family court won't care about dating apps, promiscuity, casual drug use or drinking. Get this divorce done as fast as possible. Leverage family court restraining orders to protect yourself and the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 12:23 PM
3

Getting this done uncontested is far, far better than entering the realm of contested divorces with four-ways, endless adjournments and billing at $450 an hour to respond to emails. You should just let the "stuff" go. The way to counter pettiness is refuse to let it affect you. Make it seem like you've agonized over the decision to let the stuff go. You can always get more stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 04:38 PM
5

Good for you taking the next step. There are a few sayings to apply here - 'never interrupt your enemy when they're making a mistake' and 'letting the knife fall' - you have to let these things play out. Where I'm at, sheriffs only step up to serve restraining orders. How did you get a sheriff to serve divorce papers?
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 07:21 PM
1

Separation can be useful when you need to get away from each other, but need something in place for custody guidelines, living arrangements, and to protect your assets until you're divorced. If your goal is to be divorced though, file for divorce. The limbo of legal separation also provides an opportunity for a vindictive STBX to tie you up in court indefinitely with BS challenges to the agreement and dubious plenary cases.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 01:09 PM
3

You've been together long enough. No kids means a relatively clean break. You cannot fix her, you won't be able to bargain with her. One day you may train yourself to resist giving her the reaction she expects, thinking "just like the bully in high school, she'll just stop now". That thinking is wrong. She will have to escalate because you are the 'safe' target for her aggression. She'll continue pushing your buttons until she finally baits you into lashing out, that's when the false domestic vi…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 05:35 PM
1

These posts are bait for the bots and trolls. Please post this in datingoverforty or another dating sub.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 05:28 PM
14

This sub isn't anti-marriage, but you have no reason to marry this girl. I can't stand all the weird marriage therapy BS out there telling us that "relationships are hard work" and "it takes effort to get along". Relationships are supposed to be easy. When you're with the right person, you never question it. You never feel like you're settling. You never feel like you're just in it to fulfill some expectation from society or families or her friend group. If you're doubting your relationship now,…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 05:25 PM
2

does telling me her plan serve as any kind of "notice of intent"? No should I not change anything, instead maintain our pre-existing agreement Yes is it favorable to me to spend more now to show evidence of a higher standard of living? Your "standard of living" is where you live, how you live and what you own. The division of property and assets - and more specifically spousal support - is intended to provide you enough financial support to continue living with a comparable quality of life. Noth…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 05:17 PM
1

You have to file that RO as soon as possible. Go directly to the police station if you have to. Then bring that report to family court and file a restraining order. You will get at least a 15- or 30-day temporary RO. Ask the court for a follow-up date for OSC (order to show cause) as far out as they'll allow. You have to get in front of this. If you lay down now, you'll never get back up. See my history.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 01:30 AM
1

There is no penalty in family court for perjury. Your lawyer will make a big show about how to answer questions and how they will never suborn perjury, but the court expects everyone to lie. There's no punishment for lying. It's not criminal court. There's no punishment for filing false claims, lying to the court, mis-handling documents, or presenting falsified financial statements. Similarly, nobody in court cares what she said, what you said, or what either of you did unless it caused bodily h…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 01:23 AM
5

This is assault. You can and should have her arrested, then head straight to family court Monday morning for a restraining order. I'm not kidding. You may not be able to jog away from your next interaction with her. It doesn't matter if you're hurt. She targeted you with a deadly weapon. Do not give up the opportunity to hold her accountable now because I've seen this happen firsthand. There is a nonzero chance she knows she messed up and she's concocting a story for the police, telling them you…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 01:13 AM
4

Say "I am recording myself, if you don't want to be part of this recording please walk away". Also keep in mind "reasonable expectation of privacy" doesn't exist in public spaces so the one-party rule is a really light-gray area. Agreeing with /u/upandatom85 that any recording of dubious legality is better than going to jail on false DV charges.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 02:29 PM
2

Friend of mine said "marriages are like pancakes, you can always throw out the first one". My first marriage was an unmitigated disaster because of the person I unfortunately chose. My second marriage has been an absolute dream, even without comparing to the first one. I added flair to the sub this week, may as well use it!
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 02:19 PM
3

Please read the sidebar and other posts here regarding her "getting back on her feet". Hint: it won't happen as long as you are providing financial incentive for her not to get back on her feet. Please move forward with the divorce so you have judge's orders, a formal custody and parenting time agreement, and a strict end date for the financial support you'll be on the hook for.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 03:09 PM
1

You have two abusers controlling your life. One is your wife. The other is your church. The church has no influence on your legal marriage. Get divorced and let the chips fall as they may. Find a new wife and new church that won't treat you like a second class human.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 03:07 PM
2

It sounds like your lawyer dropped the ball here. Right of first refusal should be written in painfully explicit language in the separation agreement. If someone you don't want in your house is in your house, you should be petitioning for a restraining order to keep her away from your house. You don't need a reason. She's persona non grata.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 03:02 PM
11

For anyone else reading: in a combative divorce or custody struggle, you have to let the knife fall. Never withdraw petitions to protect your ex, ESPECIALLY when you have competing restraining orders. Don't sweat the chatter with the inlaws. Your real friends won't care. The only reason I would consider getting back with someone so destructive and vindictive would be to buy time and carefully plan an exit with a more favorable agreement. Otherwise, remember that none of this will matter when it …
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 02:45 PM
3

A single parent is someone with no ex-spouse present part time, or alive, to share childcare responsibilities. So well said. It's a shame we need to clarify the meaning of phrases like this. Being divorced with a second parent financially supporting and fighting to see their kids is a far cry being a single parent.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 02:36 PM
1

That URL is severely deceptive and misleading.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 10:04 PM
6

All the emotional bargaining and mental gymnastics were created to manipulate you and put you off balance. She never had any intention of resolving issues or coparenting fairly. She's making herself a perpetual victim, not trying to solve problems. Keep your eye out for obvious signs of alienation. Kids ignoring your calls, missing out on your parenting time, being mysteriously sick every Tuesday and Thursday when you're supposed to have them. She's not a single parent. She's a voluntarily separ…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 05:40 PM
3

I've read some of your early posts. Thank you for sharing and thanks for being a part of the sub.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 03:23 PM
2

Sub rules don't allow social media in posts, but this one has my attention. I'll approve it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 03:14 PM
4

If we took a poll, I'll bet all of us have done this. Talk to her and explain what was going on in your brain, just like you did here. Then make sure you make your gf the focus - that you are only thinking about her, she's the one you want, you don't ever want to jeopardize what you have with her. Don't drift off into talking about your ex. The more you talk to her about her, she'll get the point that you really aren't thinking about your ex, your brain just betrayed you at that moment.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 03:08 PM
1

Children will complicate things. You have to look at the situation as a whole. This is your family. Your wife needs you to take the lead in getting her help. It sounds like depression, if not the general agoraphobia and anxiety that's been affecting so many people since COVID. Get her to a therapist and pay attention to the cues that she needs some psychiatric help (e.g. medication). If she's lost motivation to work or can't bring herself to leave the house, she needs some outside help to get he…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 02:19 PM
3

You probably do have PTSD. I did. I am not a doctor but you may need a psychiatrist as well as a therapist. There are very good drugs out there that don't wreck your stomach, make you gain weight or destroy your sex drive. I was on a combo of Lexapro, Wellbutrin and Concerta. Temazepam to make me sleep. It was almost magical how my sleep returned to normal, I stopped having runaway thoughts during the day, the anger subsided and I could be productive again. Sure these all had side effects (lexap…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 12:48 AM
5

You will not reconcile so keep that out of your mind. Keep those texts and a detailed log of when she spends time around you and in your home. Her pushing your buttons may be part of a greater plan to petition for full custody of the kids. For now, tell her the only way she is allowed to communicate with you is via email. If she triggers you (as she seems to) make yourself a separate email account only for her to communicate with you; put in mail rules so the messages are instantly marked as "re…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 12:34 AM
3

Let her pack her bags, file for divorce when she's "away". This is abandonment and will very likely get you residential and full legal custody of the kids. You can't keep chasing her. What your kids need is stability. Kids need predictable, secure routines and a home free of chaos and uncertainty. It sounds like your wife is a destabilizing factor. You and the kids may need to move on without her, for their benefit.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 12:26 AM
2

What you're proposing is called "wasteful dissipation". There's no law against it, but then divorce is a civil agreement. If you're in a community property state, she can sue you for a portion of these assets in the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 12:22 AM
1

Do you have kids?
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 12:18 AM
5

You don't have to attend mediation with her if you don't want to, isn't it just a meeting with a lawyer who can bill hourly? If you do attend, bring your own proposed parenting plan as well. At court, tell them you haven't considered changing the agreement to anything she's proposed. She'll have to either withdraw or demand a trial.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 05:39 PM
3

There are a ton of factors to consider. Kids? Finances? Living situation? Absent those constraints, the consensus here is that you have to follow through. Whatever relationship you have with her after the divorce starts has to be a net new relationship. But we are curious what has you considering backing out.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 12:34 PM
1

Remember many of these personality disorders center around controlling other people with projection and gaslighting. Your thinking is probably correct.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 12:30 PM
1

The self-awareness is your first indicator that you aren't being a very good narcissist. Talking about it with a therapist is the nail in the coffin, though. Most of us like to be right. Admitting when you don't know something or when you are wrong is something narcissists will very rarely do.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 02:12 AM
1

When you open Excel, there are templates available to choose from. Pick one that says "household budget". It will have spaces for income, expenses, and a tally at the bottom of each category.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 02:10 AM
2

What do your separation papers say? You don't necessarily have to wait for the divorce to be finalized. The stip will have details about keeping her on your plan for however many months or years after it's executed. As I found out, your health insurance can't keep her on the plan after that date.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 05:48 PM
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Folks this isn't 'relationships' or 'AITA', this post has had enough responses and now the mod queue is filling up. Be helpful, be civil, or move on. Locking.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 02:07 PM
2

Listen to your lawyer. In this case, everything should be on the table. Stop listening to your wife. She is your adversary in this case. Don't take advice, threats or suggestions from her or her lawyer, only from yours.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 10:54 PM
2

Don't settle. The divorce is a legal dissolution of your marriage. If there's a trial (and there should be) debts can be assigned by the judge when negotiations fail, or the judge may bifurcate the divorce so the divorce part is executed but the civil trial re: marital debts can continue as a separate trial.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 10:52 PM
1

If you didn't make the appointment for therapy, tell her the date and time, and then go to therapy with or without her, it will sound like you're "asking for approval and permission to attend therapy" than you are "committed to attending therapy". Make the appointment and tell her the date, time and place.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 02:57 PM
4

The blind spot is living on less than half your income and starting over romantically, financially and socially from a RV in a field next to where your kids and ex live. The divorce will not play out the way you're fantasizing. At all. You haven't mentioned what problems there are. Young kids are a stress on any marriage. Taking care of the kids and the home can breed indignance if one of you isn't pulling their weight. Familiarity and comfort have a way of breeding boredom so your mind starts w…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 10:38 PM
2

I have no idea what this issue could be that it's more of your ex's issue than the kid's, but I've seen this plenty of times. When people refuse to see that they have a hand in their own issues and refuse to work through them in therapy, they will recreate the same relationship dynamic over and over in their lives. With partners, with friends and eventually with their kids. Some people always date cheaters, or they're always the one doing the housework, or get taken advantage of by older partner…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 04:11 PM
3

Gym before work. I woke up at 5:30, got to the gym by 6, worked out like an animal for 90 minutes, showered and got dressed at the gym. Whether I was marathon training or powerlifting, spending that time in the gym was exactly what I needed to vent off that stress before it could ruin my day. "Sharpening the saw" is one of the Franklin-Covey principles that stuck with me over the years. Start your day by getting your mind and body in the right space to handle the rest of your day. After heavy ph…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 04:05 PM
2

Yeah we all like to think we're individuals, and whoever we choose to marry is totally an individual too. But we're very much a product of our original role models (good or bad) and it takes years of concentrated effort to slough off their influence. My ex's mother was a severely depressed and heavily medicated fall-down drunk, her father was kind of a hippie "artist" who developed a penchant for other women's company. I had no idea the two of them hadn't gotten along for decades until the fathe…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 03:52 PM
4

I'm just noticing the coincidence after seeing OP's name. Picard was using this to teach Data (an android) to trust himself in his role as commander after lost a game of Strategema against a grandmaster.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 07:31 PM
3

Therapy. You may have to go through a couple of therapists before you find one that's a good fit, but a good one can make all the difference in the world in how you treat yourself and how you process the breakup.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 07:26 PM
3

I feel for you, brother. It's one thing when things gradually fall apart and you can see it coming, but it's something else entirely when the rug is pulled from under you while you were doing the right thing all along. It sounds like you had a solid plan. It's not often that guys come up with an approach that includes feelings and communication, but you did it. Writing helps. Talking helps. It's therapy, and therapy always helps. Either the things you were working on weren't working (for her), o…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 07:12 PM
3

Question answered. Locking.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 07:01 PM
6

That was definitely not a police officer who called you. Cops don't call people on behalf of their exes this way. If I had to guess, it was her new boyfriend. You don't know what happened back then, from your other posts it sounds like you have a new gf, and you have no reason to communicate with her after 2 years. But if curiosity is getting the better of you, don't cower at the prospect of talking to your ex. You have nothing to be afraid of. Record the call, ask her what she wants, be ready t…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 06:56 PM
2

Check your state's laws on separation and divorce. It's not common, but some states still have adultery laws. There is a slim-to-none chance that it will count in divorce. No-fault is the law of the land now. Lawyer up, hit the gym and delete your socials.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 06:30 PM
8

Check in with your friend over the next couple of months. He's going to need some help. If she's filed, that means he has a court appearance coming up. Let him know that's his opportunity to ask for assistance from the court if he can't afford representation himself. No matter what happens, do what you can to make sure he's not going through this alone.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 06:28 PM
6

OK it feels like this sub has a shot at playing match-maker. Any chance you and /u/dinoob2017 are local?
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 05:04 PM
2

That link is triggering the 'spam' filter. Please just use the title of the book.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 09:51 PM
1

Listen. Before we even talk about the future of your kid, we need to talk about you. These issues won't go away for either of you if and when you divorce. You're both sure to recreate this dynamic and end up with the same interpersonal issues with your next partners. But now you'll be a single dad with even less time to work on yourself or a relationship. Never mind child support, coordinating daycare or activities, and dealing with your ex for the next 18 or 21 years. Before you even consider l…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 07:32 PM
1

You're both young, what's actually going on that makes you want to divorce now?
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 06:18 PM
1

Your state may be an important factor. Which state do you live in?
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 06:08 PM
1

Please see the sidebar at https://old.reddit.com//r/Divorce_Men If you want table-pounding theatrics, you are going to be disappointed. What you want is a sober realist. The lawyers you interview all have to work together with all the other lawyers in court. They all have lunch together when your case is over. They aren't going to go on screaming tirades or trash-talk your ex or her lawyer in court. Court is a tightly controlled environment and the judge is not going to invite performance art. T…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 04:00 PM
1

Filing a protective order / temporary restraining order should be your first move if you're worried for the safety of your STBX and the kids. This will trigger an immediate CPS case. It doesn't have to be an emergent situation. Keep the police and hospital paperwork handy in case the court wants them. But temper your expectations: drug use alone won't have an effect on custody or the divorce unless she presents an* imminent danger* to the kids. Being an addict isn't a crime. Using drugs doesn't …
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 03:09 PM
–

OP this is a men's divorce support sub but I'll cautiously allow it because it seems there is a mutual benefit to be had from this situation. Gentlemen, let's put our thinking hats on and show some hospitality to our guest.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 02:52 PM
2

Smile and wave. The hardest part is over. Listen to Angus and the boys' "Goodbye and Good Riddance to Bad Luck" for some cathartic rock therapy.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 02:46 PM
10

I experienced the same. It's easier because you don't have a instigating agent in your home and you're cleaning up after fewer people.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 02:43 PM
1

Talk to your accountant. If you don't have a stipulation stating otherwise, I would file as "married filing separately". You can file "married / separate" in any year. You don't need to inform her or get her permission. If you have kids, you can claim them and settle up with the IRS when you have a stip outlining who's entitled to claim them. Your STBX sounds like she's going to owe taxes, so it's going to eat up your refund if you file jointly. Get a head start on separating your finances now.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 02:41 PM
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OP, I hadn't read the entire post before, I only saw the email address before I suggested you repost without doxxing your friend. However I'm locking this for a couple reasons. First, it's a bunch of run-on sentences that look like a combination of AI and speech-to-text. But most of all, this is a sub for men going through divorce, and as you've already crossposted to other subs you'll probably have better luck in a general support or women's support sub.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 02:33 PM
8

If you need drugs to survive a day at home, the problem isn't you -- it's your home. Glad you found your way out!
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 02:21 PM
10

Don't beat yourself up. You can't tell the future, and we all fall into patterns as we become comfortable with our lives. An ideal partner will cue you in when you're falling short, and be receptive to the same thing from you. From your past posts, I hope you're ready to create as much distance between her and yourself as possible. Find a good therapist if you don't have one. You'll be fine. You got this.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 12:42 AM
3

OP I hope you're getting the same advice we would give a guy facing this situation and history: lawyer up, hit the gym, and delete the socials. Create as much distance between you and your predatory STBX as possible. There is no part of this story that should be acceptable to any man or woman visiting this sub.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 12:34 AM
2

What stage are you at with the divorce? This is absolutely a case of her taking a mile for every inch you give her. You need to change up the dialogue. In the sidebar I made a point to suggest filing first - and always keep in mind that from the moment the "D" word is spoken, you are enemies. Do not demonstrate a "willingness to compromise" because as you are experiencing, that road will go only one way. If you are not yet divorced, serve her divorce papers with your terms on them. Stop being a …
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 11:29 PM
2

You'll have plenty of time for that later. Right now it's "choose your battles" time. Don't put your ego in front of your goal or you'll miss every shot. Good luck out there. Sounds like you're young. I hope this goes quickly and quietly and you finally get to live the life you're supposed to.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 11:11 PM
5

This is a lot of hypotheticals and gives us no perspective of who you are in this story, what state or country, where you are in the divorce or whether you're asking for advice. Storming the sub with questionnaires like this is why we banned polls and low-effort engagement bait.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 11:08 PM
1

If you think you can get it done without lawyers, keep your head down and get it done. She's either trying to get a rise out of you or trying to bait you into an interaction that would "look bad" in family court. Don't take the bait.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 11:02 PM
1

The first pieces of advice you get when breaking up are: 1) Lawyer up, 2) Delete Facebook, 3) Hit the gym. Ignore the social media. Tell your family you're not interested in what your ex says. What she says on social media doesn't matter unless it rises to libel or harassment. She knows what she's saying is false. She's trying to set you off balance so you're obsessed with preserving your reputation instead of addressing the real issues coming up. Talk is cheap. Lawyer up, delete the socials and…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 08:28 PM
1

We are not lawyers or accountants, and we're certainly not your lawyer or accountant. One part of me says to dissolve it, split the debts in the divorce and open a new LLC afterward. You don't want to be divorced and still have any current or future legal / financial entanglement with your ex, and you definitely don't want to be in a position where she sues you 10 years into the future when it's successful and she wants her cut for being a part of the company's origin story. If there is a way to…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 08:17 PM
15

Always file first. This spares you the surprise and gives you the opportunity to set the stage. Let your STBX pick and choose the fights. Don't be caught on your back foot. The social "judgment" you may be worried about doesn't matter. Don't let fear of judgment keep you from the chance of a happier life. My ex filed for separation but had no intention of following through with divorce; she thought she could keep me at arm's length, keep the children hostage and continue to manipulate me for mon…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 08:05 PM
1

Sidebar is still at https://old.reddit.com//r/Divorce_Men. Sorry, that was directed more to the commenter. The sidebar and post rules (the message above the text box for new posts) are being ignored.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 06:45 PM
1

when the money was given, there was no expectation of them being paid back. I have text messages to this effect. Then it was a gift. Your lawyer can clarify what constitutes a "gift" and what category it falls into, depending on your state. I suspected from the original post he was paying for the divorce too. Chances are slim to none that it will count toward marital debt.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 06:38 PM
2

When you're arguing custody, make sure you make room for the distinction between legal custody and residential. You could have 50/50 custody and not primary residential custody, and you'd likely have to pay child support to the residential parent. You might be in a good position to argue for 50/50 legal custody, primary residential custody (with child support going to you), and to tell her to pound sand over the $70k with no paper trail she owes her dad. You're right to be concerned with legal f…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 06:32 PM
1

Depending on your situation, your court may assign counsel at the first hearing. The divorce itself is not expensive. If you and the STBX can come to terms amicably, there's likely a filing fee of a couple hundred dollars and there's no getting around that. The forms are available on your state's court site, e.g. theNew York State guide to an uncontested divorce. A contested divorce is what gets expensive if you aren't going pro se. You do not need a lawyer to get divorced. But if your situation…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 06:16 PM
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Locking. I approved the post because it was an opportunity to inspect the benefits of stoic living. Too many of you took the bait. Don't post baiting questions like this here. It's only going to fill the mod queue and attract the attention of trolls and admins.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 05:56 PM
1

Troll account is banned from this sub and reported to the admins. Update: Admins suspended the account. Thanks admins!
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 05:51 PM
4

It sounds like she's dragging her feet because she doesn't want to be the one to file. Nobody is perfect. Perfection isn't a metric for gauging your value as a human or as a partner. What she's doing is intentionally alienating. You haven't elaborated on how she deserves to be angry, but whatever you're doing isn't working. Take a step back and notice a few things: first, you've been rejected. She doesn't want you near her anymore. Second, things seem worse when you're not together because you'v…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 03:33 PM
1

If the comment was removed that quickly, it was removed by admins, not mods. Read the sidebar.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 03:18 PM
5

Xanax on court days. A lot of it. Make sure you're exercising, getting sleep and laying off booze. Spend time with friends, literally anywhere and with anyone who can keep your mind off her.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 04:34 AM
3

The advice in this sub will probably be unanimous: do not get her pregnant. I've seen this situation firsthand. You are rightly unsettled because no matter her recent epiphanies, you know that you still live with an unpredictable, violent person. Your every thought of the future is prefixed by "ifs". You have to take your next steps very, very seriously. Do not under any circumstances get her pregnant. Relapse is positively guaranteed with the stress of pregnancy, the hormones, the lack of sleep…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 04:30 AM
4

Are you working toward trial or was this what the judge ordered?
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 04:15 AM
1

Fixed the return vs. refund thing.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 12:36 AM
2

I met her at work, of all places. On my last day at that job. I was never into bars or clubs, and my first marriage was well before the apps started. If I didn't meet her when I did, I'd probably go for the apps. It's going to be a numbers game, so put together an honest (if not flattering) profile and start swiping!
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 12:33 AM
10

I chose poorly for my first marriage and waited far too long to exit. She remains the most despicable, dishonest and morally repugnant person I've ever known. But I've never thought for a moment that I didn't want a good woman by my side. I dated a bit once we were separated, and quickly found the perfect woman. She's smart, works her ass off, has a great relationship with everyone in her family, has a healthy set of hobbies, laughs at my jokes and celebrity impressions, admires me when I take m…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 09:33 PM
1

Medication is going to take the edge off, and honestly it could be exactly what she needs. Too many people reject the idea of individual counseling because they think it means they're "crazy". Take this opportunity to get her medicated. Wait for the medication to kick in, then ask her to go to couple's counseling with you in a few months.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 09:24 PM
4

5 year olds don't learn this language themselves. Your kid is being coached. Talk to your lawyer and make sure your divorce contains a no-disparagement clause, it includes language like "neither party will enact any barrier or obstacle to a healthy relationship with the other, and will actively foster a good relationship with the other parent". This would be a good time to insist on therapy with the kids. If she's coaching the kids now, alienation is next. You have to get in front of this.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 09:19 PM
7

You're not the bad guy. Your wife sounds like she's absolutely in the throes of postpartum depression. This coupled with her mother's death and the delay in getting in to counseling has given it time to set in. Please get her to see a psychiatrist. If the psych will have you both in the room, that would be ideal. She needs to be medicated and to stay in counseling. If she continues to object to both, you need to start isolating your finances and prepare for the inevitable. Read the recent posts …
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 09:14 PM
1

I'd love to share the last 100 mod logs - some of the shit we have to remove is so over-the-top that I have no doubt the sub is being quietly infiltrated by false flag ops. It's easy to tell a story, even give an extreme opinion - and make it impossible to report. "My ex was a cheating piece of shit" is absolutely fine. No reasonable person can flag it and I'll hit the "ignore reports" button if they do, because that guy's ex wife may very well have been a cheating piece of shit. Same for "Amber…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 09:05 PM
6

Regarding not having many friends - my situation was the same. Dead bedroom, socially isolated, every effort to fix things would be shot down or half-assed in bad faith. When you've separated your life from hers, you will find that you have more time and space for hobbies and friends. You've got plenty of living left to do. If you can't fix what you got, you have to let go of it to make room for the next thing.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 08:15 PM
2

Then her decision is made. You'll know from my post history - you do not want to spend more time than absolutely necessary with a NPD. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 08:08 PM
2

Pump the brakes a second here. Does she understand she has NPD and wants to change? Dialectical Behavioral Therapy fixes personality disorders. I happen to work in a field close to psychiatrists and therapists who have a pretty good track record in curing people of depression and antisocial disorders. DBT is neither quick nor easy; this is months or years of dedication to the treatment. But it works. This is a rare opportunity to leverage a trial separation - something I'll rarely recommend if y…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 07:35 PM
3

My brother, do not use TurboTax. Have an accountant file your taxes, this of all years. You only need her SSN if you're trying to e-file; let your accountant prepare your paperwork and mail it in.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 07:28 PM
0

The balance on the cars is barely a concern in the big picture. Who owns the cars is the question. Getting an ex to file the necessary paperwork to change ownership or assume a loan is nearly impossible. Take the car(s) that belong to you and give her the car(s) that belong to her. Legal custody and residential custody are two different things. If you'll be the one with the house and a better demonstrated ability to coordinate child care, fight for residential. If she has residential custody, yo…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 07:22 PM
5

This is a good plan for preemptive protection. Read my post history if you don't believe a recording device will keep your ass out of jail for false DV accusations. I had a car cam and recorded (audio) every in-person interaction with my ex with an app on my cell phone. Recorded every phone call using "Call Recorder Pro" on Android. There are also body cam apps in the Play Store, so as long as you have a pocket your camera can poke out of, that's an easy and cheap solution. I don't know anyone w…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 07:14 PM
0

You can file "married filing separately" in any year, without her notice or approval. If your ex is incommunicado, file your own taxes.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 07:08 PM
0

I'm going to paste what I wrote to another member who asked about the changes in moderation on this sub. I'm the moderator of one single sub, /r/divorce_men, and not a site mod. My history should speak for itself so if you think I'm a woman, feel free to browse. I have to curb some of the more egregious examples of real misogyny on occasion, and I do have to ban trolls, troublemakers and obvious instigators. Sometimes I flag or ban the wrong commenter because the mobile experience is total and c…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 07:01 PM
0

Bro you're in a divorced men's support sub. There is an obvious and concentrated bias in the membership here. This sub isn't going to change the world or combat institutional injustices. What we can do is give sober, reasonable advice and support without diving off the deep end of conspiracy bullshit and adolescent woman-bashing. Half of our marriages will be successful. We're here to help our brothers suffering the other half. There's nothing profound about invoking "gynocentrism" in a men's su…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 06:55 PM
2

If you don't understand the stip, hand it to your accountant. It's pretty standard for the residential parent to be able to claim the kids and the tax credits. I filed married/separate the moment I could - even though we lived together for half the year. Filing separate meant my ex now had to pay her own taxes and pay for tax prep. Her lawyer came up with some tough-talk about "taking action in court" and it was all a bluff. I didn't split my return refund with her either. The IRS will bounce ba…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 04:44 AM
6

Ignore the judgment. It's an imaginary pressure that won't keep you from pursuing a better life apart from someone you don't want to live with.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 04:38 AM
1

I hope a lawyer can chime in, but garnishing of wages would only happen after you've failed to satisfy a judgment and a court orders your wages garnished to satisfy the debt. That judgment alone is a pretty high bar for a civil case. It's not something that happens very often in civil court outside of child support. You probably also hear the radio commercials describing IRS garnishment for back tax debt. If you leave the country, keep in mind the next time you step foot into the country, Marsha…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 04:35 AM
0

Still doesn't make it her house. Rejoice, she'll lose that tax credit if you used to file jointly.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 10:38 PM
2

This is your answer. Claiming dependents is part of the stipulation, and at some point you signed off on it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 10:37 PM
1

I can't tell what (legal) interest your wife would have in the house. Do you both live in that house? Real estate you owned before marriage and inheritances (whenever they happened) typically aren't subject to equitable distribution. If she's not on the deed and you bought the house before you were married, I don't see what claim she could make unless your assets were commingled, e.g. she helped pay for the house when you bought it, or she helped pay for something that amounted to a capital impr…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 10:33 PM
5

Sometimes the examples people put on social media don't fit the situation. There's nuance, then there's comparing apples and oranges, then there's moving the goalposts so no matter what you do, you're wrong. For most of us, that video was apples and oranges to our situations. I'm sure it fit the bill for maybe some couples who go through years of miscommunication and apathy, but to plaster it on social media as "HERE'S WHY DIVORCES HAPPEN" and laying the blame on one party is just... wrong. It's…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 10:21 PM
0

Bro this is beyond manipulative, it sounds like a psychiatric event. From your posts it sounds like you don't have kids together. I would create and keep as much distance as you can until that divorce is executed. Grey rock all the way.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 10:11 PM
6

Same here! If I'd stayed with my ex I would still be drowning in student loans, credit cards and rent. Instead, I bought a home with my gf (at the time - we're married now) and paid off almost $50k in student loans by the time divorce was finalized. My life is better. And it's far better than hers. Sure moving on to a new partner, making more money, having your toys, weekends at the range, long cruises on the bike -- all awesome. But really, the best part of divorce is not caring about your ex.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 06:59 PM
1

Yikes. That is some primitive thinking. Tell you what - I'll skip the pop-science evolutionary sex book and just keep moderating the sub.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 06:47 PM
2

We shouldn't measure our success in post-divorce by hookups. Casual sex is a 20-something trope, it's a game played by insecure people when their lives have no direction. If you're into it, fine. I was 20-something once. But realize that it diminishes your capacity to form real relationships, does nothing for your value as a person or a partner, and it's just a cheap, fleeting dopamine rush. OP has won because he looks good, feels good, and his ex no longer has any effect on his life. His ex's s…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 06:36 PM
5

No. Your ex is notified by service, not by you. If you're living apart, it's not going to be a surprise. If it is a surprise to her, it doesn't matter. Your objective is to separate your lives. If you're legitimately concerned about her reaction, be prepared to call the police and file a restraining order or a wellness check. When you file for divorce, you are enemies. In court, you are called adversaries. You don't assist or inform your adversary. Adopt this manner of thinking because you're go…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 06:09 PM
5

Not in the US. Divorce has been no-fault for a long time. You can avoid court, but you'll just lose in absentia.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 06:03 PM
1

Gauche but not misogyny. Stop with the reports.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 05:34 PM
2

That's the last gasp of someone who's lost their power. If her dating life was going that well, she wouldn't have been at dinner with her ex-husband. Rest assured that after your demonstration, she's facepalming herself for a game poorly played.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 05:29 PM
4

Her "personal" accounts and the funds she put into them while married are marital assets. It won't be difficult to connect the dots. You need a lawyer immediately. File an injunction for her to stop spending your money and to return the money to the shared account. Then have your lawyer subpoena for her banking records for the last three years. Do not negotiate. Go immediately to trial so the judge can see the evidence of dissipation and wasting. Do not capitulate. Most people will cave at being…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 05:17 PM
1

Banned. Goodbye.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 05:05 PM
25

Amen to this. My ex is trying this after more than 10 years separated, dropping stories about her sex life with her boyfriend. It doesn't faze me in the least. She lost all her power long ago and now that I'm remarried, own a home and a handful of cars, bikes and other toys, I remember that marriage as the lowest point of my life and I miss nothing from it. She's still renting a house and leasing a car and looks just... weathered. There's nothing better than that clarity when you realize your ex…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 03:06 PM
2

Depends what you're doing and in what state. It's not a criminal act to sell off your marital assets because these belong to both of you. Right now, your assets are mostly 100/100; that is to say, either of you can spend all of your money and it's not theft. Every time we read about a STBX running up the credit cards or emptying the accounts at the hint of divorce, that's not illegal. Likewise, when one party loses it all in Atlantic City, again not illegal. But your STBX can very likely sue you…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 02:59 PM
7

OP don't try to go this route. You will waste a lot of time, money and energy and the max you'll get is 50/50. But most of us will erroneously conflate custody and residence. These are two very different things. Custody is who is legally responsible for the kids. Residence is who the kids live with - and the parent with majority residential custody is who will receive child support from the other. You will have a better shot at getting residential custody than you would getting full (legal) cust…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 02:44 PM
5

File your taxes the way you're supposed to, claiming the children the way you're supposed to. If you file your taxes first, your return will be correct. If your ex then tries to file with the kids as her dependents, it will be kicked back. If she's filed first and your return gets kicked back, you send in a copy of the order when the IRS asks. Then you get the deductions you're entitled to. No need to get lawyers or the court involved, don't waste your time and money. You can grey rock your way …
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 03:21 AM
1

This sub is definitely haunted. Please read my comment from yesterday https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/19dojh8/when_did_this_forum_get_the_ridiculous_mod/kjehg3e/
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 10:39 PM
2

Yep. It's very easy to spot within the first 10 minutes of therapy. I knew for years that there was a huge problem and I knew the problem wasn't me. +1 on Splitting and "Stop Walking on Eggshells". But don't stop what you're doing for self-help books; if you're with a BPD who doesn't acknowledge the problem, get out FIRST and file for divorce. THEN get your reading time in.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 10:36 PM
7

You ignore and push forward with divorce. Get away from her ASAP, lock down your assets, separate your finances and tell everyone you know what's going on. Record every interaction with her if it's legal in your state. Not for court - but because it's going to keep you out of jail one day (read my comment history) Do not try to bargain, negotiate with, or calm a BPD. It's throwing gasoline on a fire. Every objection will be taken as a personal offense and further reason to validate their feeling…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 08:48 PM
–

OP, we can't tell if you're lost or you don't understand the name of this sub. This is a support sub for men going through divorce. That being said, you're free to delete this post or wait and see what the collective wisdom of the sub has to offer.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 05:58 PM
1

I see the reports for "misogyny, misandry and other hate speech" but this comment doesn't rise to the offense. The way I'm reading it, commenter is proposing a compromise between OP and his STBX that could lead to a mutually beneficial solution. It's clearly a tongue-in-cheek suggestion, as sharing of partners is highly unusual especially in separation and post-divorce. The use of "bitch" isn't a slur by itself; in modern parlance the word is very commonly used to refer to anonymous sexual candi…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 05:41 PM
1

Look at the order in place. If it doesn't prohibit you from removing her, then you can remove her. If the separation agreement says you can keep her under your policy until X date, show that to your provider. They will absolutely remove her from the policy (this is what happened to my ex, long before we were actually divorced) All in all, pick your battles and do some napkin math to figure out what it will cost you in time, money and aggravation. If she's even a little bit combative, it's probab…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 03:54 PM
1

You're fine. If there are adequate sleeping arrangements and it's a safe living space, the burden is on your ex to somehow demonstrate that it's not a suitable space. Don't think you have to hold some impossible standard of separate rooms and unaffordable apartments. These are artificial roadblocks your ex and her lawyer will use to discourage you, and that's not the spirit or the language in a custody order. The court will never keep your kids away from you because you can't afford a larger apa…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 03:51 PM
2

It may seem extreme and intense now, but you're exactly where you want to be! Thank goodness you have the judge involved this early on. If this were all going on through bullshit family court TROs and plenary cases, your separation would last years and your divorce would take forever. THEN she would pull out more extreme accusations while your lawyers eat up your life savings. Alleging DV won't matter in the divorce. It's a scare tactic. Don't buy into it and don't respond to it. Incidentally, n…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 03:37 PM
2

Pay attention to the process; judges rarely "order" anything. They wait for the parties and their lawyers to come to an agreement, and the judge signs off on it. The judge will rarely "order" anything until you're in trial. It's your lawyer who capitulates to the demands of the other side.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 03:13 PM
1

What stage are you in the divorce? If you have a separation agreement in place, do what it says. Your finances should be separated ASAP. If she doesn't pay taxes, or pays little in taxes, she's going to eat up your return. My first year separated, my ex wanted me to file jointly because she didn't know how to file her own taxes (at 40+ years old) and literally couldn't afford the accountant. I stupidly filed jointly for her, paid her taxes, and her lawyer had the audacity to ask for half the ret…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 03:08 PM
2

Mostly male. This worked out pretty well for me because my ex hates men of any authority - lawyers, judges, police, school principal, her bosses. But in the trial, we had a female partner doing the statements and questioning. She also worked out pretty well because she was young, pretty, and really sharp. But to be honest, it doesn't matter. A male or female attorney isn't going to give you an upper hand if they're competent. Attorneys all know each other and have to see each other in court all …
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 02:56 PM
9

Don't give her money. This establishes a pattern of dependency. If she's physically capable of working, she can support herself. Do not give money to someone you're leaving. Change your card numbers and bank accounts. Get her off your accounts. No, it won't count toward "financial abuse" or "controlling her money", but she and her lawyer will use scary language like "the judge won't like that you've done X" or "the court won't look favorably on Y". It's all bullshit talk to scare you into caving…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 02:40 PM
11

It's entirely possible to find that unicorn. You won't find her in a bar or club or recovery groups or a dating app. I went the old-fashioned route and met her at work. Beast in bed, plans for the future, good with finances, done with the partying phase and no attachment issues. The most important work you can do is on yourself. Get yourself into therapy and figure out how to avoid failure so you can 1) learn to differentiate the unicorns from the baggage maids, and 2) avoid the mental and emoti…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 02:35 PM
3

This is one exception to the "don't leave your home" rule. Some states consider living apart to be grounds for divorce (CA, AR among others). This used to be the way a LOT of couples filed on grounds before no-fault became the law of the land. Kentucky and North Carolina require a residential separation before you can file for divorce. Anecdotally, couples who agree on divorce but can't afford to separate may simply claim to have lived apart by using a different mailing address so they could get…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 02:28 PM
1

The automod picks it up as spam or as ban evasion. Did your previous account get banned?
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 10:46 PM
1

I appreciate the reports, and I object to the hero stepping in to protect me from these mean accusations. Try looking at my 9 year fucking history under this handle if you think I'm a woman. Comment approved.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 09:08 PM
1

Reddit is an anonymous message board. None of us know who either of you are. If you created this 3-day old account just to stalk your ex, please consider individual counseling.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 09:04 PM
29

Finding yourself posting in this sub should be your first red flag. Do not get married.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 09:00 PM
7

Reciprocal marriage recognition / laws of reciprocity. If you opt for an offshore wedding, research this beforehand. I wish I did the first time around.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 08:58 PM
2

I fully support calling out your piece of shit ex and I don't know if you can see it, but I'll actively shut down reports of "harassment" and "misogyny" on comments about a specific individual. As the sub's mods we don't control reports of the site's content rules or how the overlords respond to flagged comments.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 06:48 PM
5

I see the reports for "no ads" but this isn't an ad. It's a trial lawyer's experience winning justice for a man in divorce. There's no links, the parties are anonymized, the lawyer doesn't identify himself or his firm. Reports ignored, post approved. Let's enjoy this win, wherever you are in the world.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 06:43 PM
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Keep this trash off our sub. Love languages is horse shit.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 04:59 AM
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I guess it can be expected that at the same time this sub gets blasted for being a haven for angry incels and misogynists due to lack of moderation, that I can also be accused of being a woman in the sub I've been keeping above water for more than six years. Thank you, members and interlopers for your comments and suggestions for improving the moderation of this subreddit.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 04:57 AM
1

You are in danger. You have to start taking steps to avert a DV charge now. Make sure you are recording every moment of your interactions with her, however it's allowed in your state. Nothing will stick of course, but she's going to make you out to be an abuser and muddy the waters before you even step foot in court.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 10:30 PM
1

Got hung up in automod. I went in and cleared the queue.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 10:25 PM
3

I keep reading this on this thread. Do "most people" really want kids?
/r/MensRights22/01/24 05:31 PM
1

Apparently these are brand new features. While I used OFW (up until last year) these weren't even options.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 12:40 AM
3

I'm not seeing it now, but there was a report to the effect of "this is targeted harassment toward me". Maybe the ex?
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 09:19 PM
3

Now we know why the post was reported as "targeted harassment toward me"
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 02:33 PM
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Are you in the US? Take a deep breath, because the justice fantasy you have going through your head isn't going to happen. Don't bother trying to divorce on grounds. The expense of a trial isn't worth it. No-fault is the law of the land now. Family court doesn't care about emotional abuse, narcissism or borderline. The "harm" isn't measurable and it doesn't rise to "grounds" in any state. Documentation and "evidence" won't mean anything in family court - your divorce isn't going to be treated li…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 02:22 PM
3

If you didn't have a separation agreement or a divorce agreement outlining your financial responsibilities and separation of finances, it's very likely still marital debt. This is one huge reason we don't recommend 1) leaving the home before you have an agreement in place, 2) using a separation agreement when divorce is the desired outcome, and 3) leaving any financial ties with your STBX. Debt incurred in secret or to the exclusion of one partner would be easy to assign to her in the divorce pr…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 02:04 PM
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Dont EVER enter a conditional agreement with an ex, ESPECIALLY when it's in her interest to see that the condition is never met. untill wife business is in the green That's not a timeline, that's a sentence. Like alimony "for 4 years OR until she has a job making over $50k". She will NEVER achieve "in the green" as long as it benefits her. Option 2 is the only option. Trust the wisdom of this sub. You do not want financial entanglements with an ex.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 01:06 PM
1

If you have any doubts, then don't start separating your cash of all things. Right now you both own your assets, 100/100. When you separate or divorce, the stipulation will dictate rules on what you can spend and put limits on "wasting assets". Adultery won't matter as far as the divorce is concerned, no-fault is the law of the land. The only benefit would be if you're in North Carolina or she's active military. The bank statements showing where the cash for the house came from can be taken into…
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 09:11 PM
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I'm approving this post only for the laugh I had at the morbid irony of OP's username.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 09:02 PM
3

Glad you were able to get back on your feet so quickly! Anything to share about the divorce itself? Did you two have to split any assets, residence, or custody?
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 09:00 PM
2

Love getting some positive vibes. Count yourself among the lucky ones, it's great to finally see the light at the end of the tunnel!
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 08:57 PM
2

As long as things are going smoothly, do what you can to keep lawyers out of the situation. Going your separate ways and giving her $4k for the car is a pretty sweet deal.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 08:55 PM
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In the US, anyone can sue anyone for literally anything. Finding a lawyer to take the case and a law on the books to pound on is another thing entirely. But after 9 1/2 years, I can't see her being awarded any additional support, short of uncovering some fraud in the divorce. Sit tight, keep your head down and lawyer up if the time comes.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 08:54 PM
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We don't recommend leaving your house until you have a divorce agreement. If your goal is to divorce, file for divorce. A separation agreement might be a piece of the divorce for determining custody, exclusive use of the residence and support payments in one direction or the other, but it doesn't get you divorced. The longer you spend "separated" but not "divorcing", the more time there is for resentment and indignance to take root while you iron out mundane details.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 08:51 PM
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The car isn't likely to be the single asset divided in divorce - so don't make the mistake of agonizing over every item you're getting or she's getting. Do some math on the big picture, because if you agree or concede on one asset early on, you'll fall into the trap of negotiating everything piecemeal. For a car, you're going to look at its value minus what you owe on it - that's the equity you'll split. You're looking at under $4k. If she's agreeable, just give her the $4k. It might get more di…
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 08:48 PM
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Locking, this post is a meta-commentary to get around the sub's discussion guidelines.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 07:07 PM
14

This is because no-fault has been the law for almost 20 years. People aren't chattel. Only North Carolina has alimony forfeiture in the case of infidelity. Child support is always separate because the court has to ensure kids are provided for.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 07:04 PM
9

My ex never took my name, and just as well. She remains an unhinged, feckless loser more than a decade after our separation. I'm glad she doesn't have the option of using my family's name.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 07:01 PM
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If you have an emergency protection order and temporary emergency custody of your kid, now is the time to use it to its full effectiveness. Do not settle this case - you have to bring it to trial. Family court has very likely contacted CPS for an investigation. Both parents are "subjects" in the investigation. CPS caseworkers will interview both of you individually, the kid individually, and then try to interview either of you with the kid. Edit: CPS is not the police and they aren't lawyers so …
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 06:54 PM
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Is this going to be a formal schedule in a separation agreement or just verbal agreement? I don't like the Ackerman schedules because there's so much handing back and forth. But it does give you more time than the usual alternating weekends and one or two dinners a week. As the girls grow older, be open to adjusting. They may prefer one house over the other. Above all, remember the parenting schedule is just a civil agreement, not some criminal sentence for divorcing. You are both free to change…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 02:57 PM
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Open it
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 12:02 AM
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Was this the settlement or a trial?
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 12:02 AM
3

You say nothing. Just listen. Don't answer questions. If you're cornered, say "I'll have to sit on that before answering" or simply, "I'm not answering any questions on this call". There isn't going to be a "gotcha" moment. I have to say it's pretty unusual for an attorney to reach out directly to someone inbetween lawyers unless 1) your ex is running out of money and they want this done soon, or 2) your ex thinks she can take advantage. Her lawyer very likely knows better than that. In any adju…
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 08:39 PM
3

If you aren't being represented by an attorney, I don't see a downside. I dealt directly with my ex's attorney at first, acknowledged that I didn't have representation, and attended the meetings by myself. If possible, check your local recording laws and record the whole thing. If you're in a one-party state, record the call. You have nothing to lose by listening. Just don't agree to anything and don't agree to sign anything. Practice "thank you for your time" and "that's good to know" and nothi…
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 08:26 PM
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There's a bit to unpack here, but please read the sidebar - you can see it at old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men You have to separate the divorce from the adultery. There is no penalty in the United States for adultery. Divorcing on grounds was messy, drawn-out process that treated a civil case as if it were a criminal case. As no-fault divorce has become the law of the land, few states even allow divorce on grounds. North Carolina is a standout (it precludes alimony for the offender). Maybe a lawyer …
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 08:16 PM
1

Who TF keeps reporting "wOmEn"? STOP IT. Have the conversation or don't engage. We're not going to filter and block commenters who engage in threads unless they start stirring shit. JFC, grow up. It's a public message board.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 07:47 PM
3

Approved. I'm not going to waste my time catering to easily offended interlopers so stop with the fucking reports. It's a funny joke.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 07:36 PM
1

More reports, yay! Comment approved. Besides loving this commenter's handle, and despite the irony of being happily remarried myself, we have to acknowledge that there's more than a nugget of truth in this piece of wisdom. Let's keep it on this side of blanket generalizations and outright misogyny so I can start ignoring reports entirely.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 07:33 PM
4

Never interrupt your enemy while (s)he is making a mistake. I don't think a divorce can force liquidation - She may not have any interest (legally) in the business if it's only in your name or you started it before you were married. Keep in mind that until a trial, the judge doesn't get involved aside from signing off on what the two of you decide is fair between you. Judges expect you and your lawyers to negotiate and settle before they have to make the decisions for you. If your adversary does…
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 04:03 PM
2

AGI? (adjusted gross income) I don't know about LLCs - and honestly I'd defer to an accountant for the effect this would have on CS assessment. I'm gonna back up a bit and see if any accountants can chime in, this may be why my accountant strongly advised keeping the C corp.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 03:54 PM
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Yes, with the S Corp comes some tax savings and positive income will pass through. But so will losses. Most people I know with S Corps are able to ensure losses (or at least minimal profits). A corporation doesn't have to be an infinite-profit enterprise, it's a financial and legal bubble to isolate you from the business. On my accountant's advice, I kept mine as a C-Corp by simply not submitting the S filing for complete isolation. I didn't mind the double taxation. The key is to make sure the …
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 03:15 PM
5

Stayed at the same job and got a handful of promotions over the years. Got lucky and met a great woman who has her shit in order so I married her. We're a great team in everything we do. One big reason to stay with your job (aside from security, etc) is that you won't invite a premature reassessment of child support and alimony. If you're covering your ex or the kids on your health insurance, they're going to get new insurance cards, and that could trigger your ex's reflex to bring you back to c…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 08:16 PM
8

Anectodally, if remarriage will end alimony, remarriage just won't happen. It's a long running joke that divorced women will stay "single" and engaged for exactly 10 years or as long as it takes for alimony to run out. Cohabitation is a gray area. And the AP leaving his wife, while unlikely, is going to send them both down the path to a nearly inevitable breakup. So make sure there's a provision in there that alimony does not resume if and when she and the AP break up.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 03:00 PM
2

You live where you can afford and where you can be comfortable. If that's near a stadium or an airport, so be it. In the custody agreement please make sure you have shared transportation responsibilities - meaning, your ex has to drop off the kid at the start of your parenting time, and you drop her off later. Don't get caught in the trap of doing pickup and dropoff. A 1 bedroom is fine. If your daughter has a sufficient sleeping arrangement, whether it's an inflatable mattress or a futon, that'…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 02:55 PM
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Alcoholism isn't a crime. Drinking isn't a crime. In most states, weed is legal (IDK the local variations of legality in CA). Anecdotally, even casual illegal drug use won't affect custody arrangements unless there's a legal or health issue. This isn't criminal court. Don't get too excited or let the lawyers get your hackles up. This is where they make their money - letting the two of you fight over inarguable positions in the preliminary hearings. There is 0 chance she will get full custody unl…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 02:51 PM
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Push for trial. "The court" doesn't decide anything until you're in trial. Everything other than a trial is conceded by one side or another and signed off by the judge.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 02:28 PM
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The judge barely comes into play until you are in trial. If your lawyers aren't moving toward a trial, the judge does nothing but encourage both sides to come to an agreement and sign off on whatever the lawyers agree on. Please keep this in mind when you arrive in court and you're nervous about speaking in front of the judge, or you think you're "asking too much" or you're nervous that "the judge will give your ex everything they're asking for". Until you're in trial, every proposal and comprom…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 02:25 PM
3

Nobody likes to admit that double standards exist, but culture and the mechanics of sex spell out why this is true.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 07:27 PM
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OP this isn't AITA or relationship advice, what does your divorce have to do with the son's living arrangement? Put his shit on the front yard and change the locks.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 06:13 PM
3

I wouldn't consider ever reconciling, but there are some nuanced situations where people make it through infidelity and their marriage turns out fine. An older friend of mine admitted to an affair years ago during his wilding days, he and his wife worked out their issues, they've been married for like 40 years now. Nobody would ever suspect a thing. But if that's a hard boundary, don't try to save the marriage, you'll just limp along on borrowed time. Some people have flexible boundaries and an …
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 05:12 PM
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Fair enough, and a lot of guys in our sub are probably way past the point of counseling. It takes humility to admit something is wrong and honestly a lot of couples aren't willing to look at it as an "us" problem by the time they land in MC. It's a half-hearted going-through-the-motions thing before they do what they were planning on anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 05:03 PM
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Do not sign separation papers. Separation is a civil contract that outines financial obligations, living arrangements and temporary custody / childcare - it does not address the divorce. Get the divorce done. She's dragging out the process for reasons, and those reasons are to your detriment.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 03:45 PM
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The cops are not your friends Police (in the US) are primarily agents of detention for crimes related to property and supposed domestic violence. They are the tools of an elected politician - your county's District Attorney. Police are not interested in facts or truth so don't waste your breath reasoning with them. If a cop ever calls you asking if you called, talked to, emailed, snail-mailed, texted or otherwise messaged your ex on any platform, you say NO in all cases, all the time. To reitera…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 03:39 PM
11

If you find yourself in counseling, it should be in 3 parts: Your individual counseling, your partner's individual counseling, and couples counseling. If either of you aren't interested in all 3 parts and you aren't 100% invested in making things better and not just using the sessions to trash each other, counseling will not help. You're just going to use the sessions to try and validate what you already think or feel. For me, couples therapy was a complete waste of time. My ex really needed her…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 03:07 PM
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Keep strong, brother. Feel free to express your frustration at day 0. Hell, you've already started, right here. Let your friends know what's going on, they may have some advice or insight you wouldn't have thought of on your own. Congrats on 9 months! keep in mind, being sober doesn't matter, being a drunk doesn't matter. If there isn't a legal trail of events to put you on the defensive, stop being on the defensive. Aside from wisely choosing your battles, don't surrender anything you don't hav…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/24 12:10 AM
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If she's got herself a handful of lawyers, be ready to do the same. At the very least, find a lawyer who can look over those documents for you. The time for mediation is over. You're at a legal disadvantage right now. Details matter. If you question any part of the divorce agreement they whipped up, even for a second, trust your insticts. They may be helping her hide assets, cover a financial trail, delay a business deal, or otherwise set you off the trail of some other gray area of the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/24 12:06 AM
1

I've had a few, and I'd recommend the good ones. A good therapist will validate your feelings but also challenge you. Without challenge, you may never learn to properly handle the reality of your situation, change the way you internalize external stimuli, or learn to do things differently in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 07:33 PM
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OP, you don't need a book. You don't need to "deal" with any of this at all. If you are not married, do not marry this person. Some time in the last 50 years anyone who landed in therapy has heard "relationships take hard work", even brainwashing themselves into believing "I can fix him / her if I just...". This is delusional. A good relationship is easy. It does not take "work" to get along with someone you're compatible with. In a good relationship, you complement and complete each other. If y…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 06:34 PM
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The parenting agreement lays out the minimum time you are guaranteed to see your kid. Depending how cordial or combative your divorce is going, you should have a good idea how the parenting arrangement will go in the future but it's a good idea to stay ahead of the bs before it starts. Some advice: Make sure the residential parent shares in transportation, e.g. you both drop off the kid at each other's home Make sure your agreement includes "liberal additional parenting time". Otherwise she may …
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 06:25 PM
1

This is not a pro-divorce sub. OP stands to lose much more than he gains by divorcing. He's middle aged with young children and no problems beyond what middle-aged people encounter in long-term marriages. This is a situation that should be worked on, not escaped.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 05:32 PM
2

The best part of divorce is that you're free to not care. Continue to not care. Reveling in someone else's misfortune might feel good in the moment, but people's lives and circumstances change and you have no idea what's going on in her life now.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 05:24 PM
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The sub has spoken. NO
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 05:21 PM
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Men, take into account the nuances of OP's situation. OP it sounds like you're in the empty-nest doldrums. If it took you leaving for your wife to see the light, that means she was comfortable and unmotivated to change. But you haven't hinted that there was any malice or frustration. You're middle-aged and bored. You've been with her for most of your adult life. Give therapy a chance.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 05:17 PM
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You're both on the note - who's on the title of the car? Having come from exactly that situation before, I would do it differently, stop paying and gladly take the credit hit. Family court won't care what you do with your money or your credit, you aren't obligated in any way to provide transportation to a STBX. And no, you won't "look bad" for not paying for assets she's appropriated and can pay for herself. And any time a cop asks you if you think you were in danger, you answer YES and don't so…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 05:14 PM
7

Your feelings are going to ebb and rise when you reminisce about your past together. The "bad stuff" isn't just facts - these are life experiences that have a lasting effect on your health, finances and social life. Your life together had an effect on who you are today, of course. We are all the sum of our experiences. That doesn't make you obligated to the memory of your relationship, you don't owe a debt to her or her memory for your sense of humor or the hobbies you enjoy or the way you keep …
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 04:53 PM
8

Emptying accounts or unusual spending in anticipation of divorce is "wasting of assets". It's not a crime, but in a trial you would get half of it back. You need a lawyer now to file an injunction and recover some of your money.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 04:46 PM
1

Low effort but relevant and adds a bit of levity to the post. Approved.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 04:40 PM
2

Typically the sub doesn't allow links, but I'll approve this as it's a reference.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 04:38 PM
1

Don't mind any of this advice, it's pretty well aligned to the wiki and sidebar, and it's not misogyny or redpill. Please remove the google link.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 04:31 PM
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Please read the sidebar. Don't show your lawyer enthusiasm. Getting it done quietly is getting it done fast and for less.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 01:05 AM
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Divorce is a civil case. Your trial isn't about some years-old murder case. And unless you're arguing something about ownership of physical property or financial agreements, don't waste your time. Short of criminality (threats, blackmail), the courts don't care about texts and emails, police don't care, your lawyers know it's immaterial. But both your lawyers will make you believe it's important because it increases billable hours. Anything your adversary props up as a threat, invite their side …
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 01:03 AM
5

I do comb through the reports and moderation queue when time permits, please feel free to use that report button so we can clean up the bots, interlopers and troublemakers. Like I've said, we don't want this to be some high-traffic engagement sub. It's a support sub. Ask questions, offer advice, keep it clean and respectful, but move on :) we don't want trolls or lifers here.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 12:45 AM
7

Stop with the reports, this is an acceptable tongue-in-cheek comment for this post. Doesn't rise to any type of hate speech and doesn't violate the sub rules.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 12:41 AM
5

Say no more fam, bot has been banned.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 12:37 AM
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If you're in a no-fault state and there's no reason it would delay or derail the divorce, do what you want but keep it secret. As many commenters below can confirm, you have no idea how quickly an "amicable" divorce can turn nuclear if your STBX finds out you're dating. It's guaranteed to turn into projection, accusations, police reports, withholding the kids, stonewalling and of course lawyer bills on top of lawyer bills on top of lawyer bills. Again, do what you want. It will have no bearing o…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 06:58 PM
5

You haven't done anything wrong, illegal, or actionable by family court. That's not called "abandonment" anywhere. You're fine. Now get on fixing things or moving on, without apology and without stepping on eggshells in your own home.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 06:51 PM
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It feels good doesn't it? I'm curious how child support for non-custodial parent gets reduced unless your income has dropped. Noncustodial child support is a percentage of the payer's gross income, it's not dependent on the other parent's income like alimony or pro-rata childcare expenses would be. In any case, I'd highly recommend Our Family Wizard. It tends to put you both on your best behavior and your ex will think twice before throwing around false accusations.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 02:13 AM
1

If the ex has any partial custody of the kid, they can just march down to the Social Security office themselves. What's the problem here?
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 02:09 AM
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You can ignore all of this. None of these need to be addressed. None of these rises to a family offense and obviously wouldn't rise to "grounds" (if your state has grounds divorce) Do not talk to her attorney. Your attorney talks to her attorney. It doesn't even matter if any of it was true. It's not "actionable". Please read the sidebar. Family law attorneys do shit like this, knowing none of it holds any weight in family court or a divorce proceeding because it stokes the fires in combative di…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 02:04 AM
2

Read the sidebar. Don't move out of your home. There is a near zero chance she will ever pay the mortgage with any timeliness or consistency. Get noise-canceling headphones so you can sleep and wireless security cameras for your security and protection. Get a gym membership for $9 or $20 a month if you need a place to exercise. Don't think you have to tiptoe and walk on eggshells in your own domain. It's your home. You don't want to live together. If she doesn't want to live together either, the…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 02:00 AM
6

Sure do, and I spent many years wondering what the difference could be in living apart versus continuing to live with a miserable, abusive alcoholic shitbag. Once you're out of a bad marriage, the regret doesn't last. You'll spend many months (or years) battling your ex in court and any residual pity or regret will quickly evaporate. Once you begin to rebuild your life with the lessons of the past under your belt, you'll thank your 2024 self for committing to the change.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 01:55 AM
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Locking, not much to learn here. Members, please work on your skills of determining the difference between engagement bait and a legitimate support post. /u/dracula990 please read the post rules and the sidebar.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 01:49 AM
106

Reality is stranger than fiction. There was a meme a few years ago (could have been The Onion) where trans men were transitioning back to women because the assumed benefits / privileges never materialized. It's short-sighted comedy that only works for the feminist / misandrist activists, but it does demonstrate a point.
/r/MensRights09/01/24 06:15 PM
3

I have little to add to this, except therapy. OP you won't improve your life until you start nailing down your issues and why you choose, stay with, and reconcile with partners who do you wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 05:23 PM
1

Don't do anything until you have talked to a lawyer and have an executed separation agreement at the very least. A corporation is meant to shield your personal assets and liabilities, but if it's created while you are married then you're opening yourself to a challenge based on the source of its initial funding.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 05:19 PM
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You have to file a violation in family court for missed parenting time. Either the mother is enabling or encouraging, or the mother is straight-up lying to you and simply telling you that your daughter doesn't want to see you. That's what my ex did, that's what my stepmother did to my dad. You have to stop this bs now. In the new orders your ex must be responsible for dropping off the kid at the beginning of your parenting time. Period. Police don't enforce custody, court doesn't care if the kid…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 06:34 PM
1

What minorities? This is a support sub. We're not part of a culture war. If we're asking for clarification, it's so we can help.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 11:55 PM
2

It's exhausting to read intentionally gender-neutral language. It comes off as evasive. We field questions from married male couples here too.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 10:46 PM
2

Honestly it's difficult to follow the story with the pronouns. This is the divorce_men subreddit, so our advice is usually predicated on an assumption that you are a man and your ex is a woman. Is there something unique about your genders where you can't spell out ex-wife?
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 09:52 PM
10

Good news is that you can get a TRO / refrain-from in family court if you find out someone posted about you in these groups. My ex made the mistake of naming and shaming, now she has her third RO from a guy who dumped her last year.
/r/MensRights05/01/24 02:54 PM
8

If your numbers are correct, demand a trial. All this performative bullshit we do with lawyers is to encourage us to come to an agreement without the judge's involvement. Judges hate getting involved because they hate their decisions being revisited later on. Demand the trial.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 07:11 PM
8

To paint a clearer picture on why this is a problem in drawing and keeping the primary consumers of sci-fi and fantasy action films, I thought of these examples: Alien: good. female-led, groundbreaking pioneer in sci-fi horror. Aliens: good. female-led, smash hit, timeless action movie. Terminator: good. Female star, groundbreaking sci-fi action Terminator 2: good. Seriously female-led action flick with only a glimmer of ignorant misandry during Sarah's speech to Dysan. Game of Thrones: good. Su…
/r/MensRights04/01/24 06:55 PM
7

Mediation has failed. Now you need a lawyer. Read the sidebar; don't bother with 4-ways or settlement talks, demand the trial. She may start backpedaling when she realizes she's not entitled to 100% decision-making or a specific parenting schedule.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 11:40 AM
4

Empty your accounts, change your card numbers and freeze your credit. Let the rest sort itself out in divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 09:45 PM
1

You are not on the same page so an amicable divorce isn't in the cards for you. Lawyer up and don't talk to her or her attorney about anything. Talk through attorneys, offer her half what you've already offered, demand a trial if she doesn't accept, then let the judge decide.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 07:33 PM
1

How old are you? What kind of fitness routine are you following? Drinking, smoking, weed? All these will affect your libido in different ways.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 07:31 PM
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You need to stop thinking and start doing. You two are not married. She's cheating on you. Break up with her. If you don't agree on custody and parenting time, you will file a petition in family court for custody, primary residence and division of time. If you don't agree on an amount and distribution of child support, one of you will file with CSEB to get child support. You need a lawyer to handle the house. One of you will probably file a quit claim and the other will buy out, or you'll sell i…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 05:10 PM
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Your ex's personal finances and ability to control debt aren't your concern. Disconnect yourself from the urge to protect her from her responsibilities. Child support is a simple calculator. Absent extenuating circumstances, it's calculated as a percentage of the non-residential parent's gross income. If your ex isn't paying child support, bring it to the CSEB and petition to have her pay through the state. They will either subpoena her pay stubs or impute her income from her past W-2's, then sh…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 02:25 PM
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This post is fine. Swap the sexes of the parties and you still have a completely reasonable piece of relationship advice. Stop with the reports, OP is employing a good bit of self-deprecation along with solid recommendations of how to communicate before and during marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 02:18 PM
5

My case was pretty unique, my ex didn't want any of my retirement (good thing, there was less than 100K in it back then). Probably to distract everyone from the fact she'd cashed out the entirety of her 401K (less than $30K) weeks after filing for separation. Everything in divorce is negotiable. Judges don't like to actually rule on the details. They're going to pressure your lawyers to come to an "agreement" or a "settlement" long before a trial ever happens. A huge majority of divorces are set…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 06:34 PM
1

OP, this question has appeared a few times over the last month. You need to talk to a lawyer now.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 06:30 PM
3

It's common. My ex filed all sorts of BS claims to delay the divorce as retaliation for... something. Because I started dating a year after we separated, because I took the kids to the city for Christmas, because I didn't keep paying her support after the order ran out. Dig your heels in and listen to your laywer - not hers. If you both have lawyers, the mediator is useless. Stop talking and demand the trial. If the police have confiscated your weapons, make sure you know where they are being he…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 06:27 PM
10

I too can thank any measure of success as being in spite of my ex. She was intolerable to the point I'd avoid home and stay at work to study for certs. She doesn't get any extra points for simply being an unemployed housewife. Being a SAH parent is different. Childcare is insanely expensive if both parents work and there is no other free childcare available (grandparents, siblings, friends) In any case, start protecting yourself now if you haven't already. Read the sidebar and talk to a lawyer a…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 06:18 PM
2

Ignore the noise of threats and accusations. Nothing matters if she won't bring it to court - and her attorney won't entertain the idea of petitioning for full custody because the father "drinks". Imagine making a scene over "drinking" in family court. Ignore the noise and push past it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 06:13 PM
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I myself had to take a break from the sub because it made me relive every nonsensical battle, every false police report, every disappointment with family court and CPS, the months of missing my kids, the lost sleep and the financial devastation of dealing with my ex. This isn't a boast post. It's a graduation. Of course we're here to encourage and support our brothers and get through the hard times with the advice and wisdom of others. Farewell posts like these are success stories. Whether you r…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 06:06 PM
13

My ex told the police, CPS and the GAL that I was an abusive drunk, that she'd stayed in battered women's shelters and that I overdosed the kids with prescription medication. She objected to the divorce on the terms she wrote, just like yours did. Accused me of being behind on child support payments (I paid through the state to avoid that very predictable accusation). She accused me of threatening to kill her, and I avoided spending the weekend in jail because I recorded all of our interactions.…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 11:23 PM
0

Feel free to leave the sub.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 08:21 PM
0

The "asking" part is important. A huge majority of custody cases are not adjudicated, they are agreed between the parties and their lawyers. It's critical for men to demand equal custody of the kids if they want to be part of their lives, not roll over and accept 70/30 or any other arrangement that relegates the father to second-class parent status. Even in the worst state for fathers - Tennessee - only living situations and the custody petitions would preclude 50/50 custody.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 08:14 PM
3

Six years, over $100k in lawyers for an uncontested divorce, 2 kids, no assets and no property. My ex is a borderline sociopath so this was unique, even among all the crazy out there. My new wife and I met in the same stages of separation. Her divorce was done in 6 months from filing to judgment and neither she nor her ex had to pay a lawyer for anything, a friend of the family took care of the paperwork. Divorce is as slow and as expensive as the most combative person wants it to be. Divorce is…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 06:02 PM
1

Are you divorced or even legally separated? Your lawyer should be filing a violation or an injunction to facilitate your parenting time. Child support and seeing your kid are treated separately so don't go into this thinking you're "paying for access to your kid" - the state doesn't see it that way. Get a timeline for CS and pay through the state so you can remove all doubt that the CS is being paid on time.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 05:59 PM
0

Read the sidebar, if this is your first rodeo you'll want the preview of lawyers and court and what to expect from those. You'll get 50/50 custody just for the asking. Divorce and custody are civil matters and >99% of these are settled, not adjudicated. Talk to a lawyer about your options.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 05:51 PM
7

That goes for anyone paired with the wrong person. Never give up your identity to boost someone else's. Your life's inventory should not be filled with one person, it should be filled with many people and hobbies and things so that when one goes away, it's not world-ending. You can continue with life and fill that space with something better when you're ready. Giving one person that much space in your life inventory is a risky bet.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 05:49 PM
3

What is your custody arrangement now? Having lived apart for 10 months already, you aren't going to bring a change in custody just for the asking. You may not want to hear it, but chasing your ex and your kid around when they have no roots is an easy way to go insane - they can just move again. Depending how your relationship with your ex develops from here, you aren't guaranteed to see your son any more than you have in the last 10 months.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 05:41 PM
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Your case will likely be treated the same as natural children, split custody and parenting time. Read the sidebar - if you can do this without individual lawyers, you should opt for self-service or even mediation.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 05:36 PM
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No matter what you two decide, assert yourself and have a vasectomy ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 07:09 AM
3

Take her seriously and protect yourself. North Carolina is a one-party state; you can record any conversation to which you are a party. Lawyer up, offer her nothing and get her out of your house. It shouldn't matter to you whether she's insane, scheming or something else. Keep your distance. Needless to say, do not have sex with her and do not get her pregnant.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 01:04 AM
2

This belongs in /r/legaladvice Out of curiosity, could you share a pic of the device you found?
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 02:51 PM
7

Any children? What is her proposed living arrangement, and what's the reason for splitting? Please read the sidebar. It's basically a getting-started guide and what to expect from lawyers. If you can get it done without lawyers (if you have no children or shared property) that is far more preferable than letting lawyers empty your accounts. If not, then don't expect lawyers to be 1) inexpensive or 2) expedient. Lawyers will latch on to any enthusiasm and milk you dry.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 02:43 PM
1

Where were you married - and in which state do you live in the US?
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 03:26 PM
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That's the marriage dieseling. Continue with your plans, talk to a lawyer, shield your money, etc. There's a solid chance she's using this time to prepare her own exit while keeping you off balance.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 04:49 AM
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Please read the sidebar. Do not move out of your home. Considering your STBX's history, you should immediately file for a TRO for yourself and the kid. Your wife belongs elsewhere, you belong at home taking care of your kid. Fathers are not financial accessories. You're a parent. Stay in your home and use your STBX's history to cement yourself as the more-stable role model for your child.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 04:47 AM
1

She wants to start a business She wants you to provide the money for this business and you don't have it She's become bitter and avoids home You don't need a recording device, you need to begin carefully planning the next chapter of your life separate from her. Tracking someone using GPS is very likely illegal unless you're LE - so don't do it. If she won't do the free Life360 plan with you, she's hiding something. Her reaction to that suggestion will tell you all you need to know.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 04:14 AM
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The obvious answer: don't do any of those things. Keep your finances static until the divorce is signed. Divorce is a civil action. Your ex (or anybody) can sue you for anything and keep you tied up in court with a plenary action that will derail your divorce. The distribution of existing assets is laid out in the SA. It would be a long shot for a judge to actually order division of assets after a divorce is filed / separation agreement is executed. But you don't want that attention, no matter h…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 02:53 AM
3

Absolutely not. No sane attorney would take this case. She'll get laughed out of court.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 11:02 PM
1

Who carries the insurance now? If you have no income, shouldn't you qualify for medicaid? Even if she carries insurance now, you can remain on her insurance if you put it in the agreement - but it will likely only be valid during separation. Once you're divorced, you can't cover your ex. Weird, because you can cover girlfriends/boyfriends and fiancees. For 4 years before my wife and I were married, she was on my plan as "domestic partner". You have a lot of things to think over. Take the time to…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 11:00 PM
1

Those are all negotiable. Sure there are guidelines, community property, etc. But this is not a criminal case with laws and mandatory pentalties. It's civil court and 99.9% of what gets decided in divorce is going to be decided in settlements, not trials. You would be absolutely blown away at how few divorces end in the judge making any decision that affects finances, custody, debt or assets. Judges want the lawyers to make you decide what you'll take and what you'll give. When you go to the tab…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 10:39 PM
1

I totally get it. When you're done, you're done. I was in a similar situation (but without the coparenting or communication. And she bailed on therapy three times. And she wouldn't work and she wouldn't let us have dogs). I was still sticking around for the kids and was willing to wait for her to get a job. She never did. Things got really bad really fast with police, CPS and lawyers. Six years to get divorced on terms she wrote and then contested. I love my kids more than anything, but if I cou…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 09:11 PM
0

It's going to be a delicate balance to keep things civil if you're thinking about divorce. Hopefully she's not considering the same. Once the "D" word is uttered, she will be doing the math in her head for how she can afford it thanks to alimony and child support. I'm going to backpedal a bit. You may just be reeling from being put on the defensive about porn, and she could be reeling from what she perceives as dishonesty. Stay in therapy. If your youngest is in kindergarten, you have a LONG way…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 05:18 PM
5

Do you have a house or other property / assets to divide? Looking at porn isn't a crime. No matter how hard someone tries, you cannot conflate watching porn with cheating. It's a visual replacement for something missing in your life. When you think about it, all of reality TV is the SFW porn for bored couples, a fantasy dramatization of things they're missing in their own lives. Yes, I will equate porn with reality television. Porn isn't real and neither is reality television. Her reaction is ov…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 04:55 PM
2

There's nothing that would prevent you from getting 50/50 custody at the very least. If you're capable of taking care of your son, you should be shooting for residential custody. Financially it would make a lot more sense for you to have custody and your ex to be paying child support. Everything in divorce is negotiable. Don't use the "guidelines". Assets, debt, custody, living situations - all negotiable. Lay out what you want and ask the lawyer what it would take to make that a reality. You ca…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 04:38 PM
1

What state are you in? Does she work? Do either of you have pensions? Has she lawyered up yet? Do you own a home? Pensions? 401K? What is your living situation now?
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 03:39 PM
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You are in danger. Do not get this woman pregnant. When someone says things like this you have to take them very seriously. These aren't just threats. These are real, believable threats that will cripple you financially and set your retirement back by a decade. If therapy hasn't led to any lasting improvement, things will get worse. Slowly at first, then very quickly. You should consult with a lawyer immediately to determine what support you might be on the hook for. Remember everything in a div…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 03:35 PM
4

I wouldn't wish that type of purgatory on anyone. You'll get through this, brother. Keep writing. Don't drink. Hit the gym, even if you only make it to the sauna and say hi to somebody. Get in therapy and see a psych whether you think you need to or not. Medications can take the edge off for you until the storm passes.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 02:04 PM
1

Now this is just a situation I know of - but a friend of mine had identical symptoms to what your wife is going through. By the time he was tested, he was at the end of his rope so he asked his doctor to test for Lyme. He had old bands and new bands, so he'd been sick for years. He would fall asleep after lunch and couldn't fight the urge to sleep. Driving was dangerous for him. Caffeine worked for a couple hours at a time - think 3 or 4 Monsters by midday. He maxed out his Ritalin prescription,…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 03:51 AM
2

What provisions in the divorce agreement get triggered once you get divorced? What's going on in her life that she'd be interested in divorcing ASAP? Did she win the lottery, find a handful of bearer bonds, did someone in the family die in the last few years? It is unusual for one party to try to bifurcate the divorce "just because". Typically they'll drag it, not push it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 10:27 PM
2

They might help her drag out the case, but see what your lawyer thinks of the situation and get his real-world possibilities opinion. The custody arrangement you get now will be very, very hard to modify later. Has she been tested for Lyme?
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 10:25 PM
2

Don't make accommodations for her. This is divorce. You are adversaries. Let her ask for concessions if she wants them, and you can compromise or reject if it suits you. Yes you should file for sole / primary custody. It doesn't mean she won't see the kids, you can still let her see the kids. It means their primary home is with you, and the nonresidential parent pays child support (IIRC she's a higher earner). You're not friends. Let this play out.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 09:19 PM
2

It's so the court can get one case off its calendar and the other parts that aren't dependent on the outcome can continue. There are a few parts that could be contested in divorce: Dissolving the marriage Division of Assets Custody agreement Dividing Debt Support / Maintenance Child support My divorce was done in a trial but we had a plenary that took another 4 months to dismiss. The judge reamed my ex and her lawyer in the courtroom for stalling the divorce and let my lawyer get the divorce par…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 09:10 PM
4

Divorce is exhausting, so is parenting and work and taking care of a house. It seems like a chore to reconnect with people because it is - it's not a natural progression of things like when these relationships were growing. Before you try out relationships with other people, you have to work on yourself. Get in therapy, find a hobby you might like. The negativity will fade away when you learn to understand yourself and accept that you're not perfect. This is very important so you don't make the …
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 09:05 PM
4

OHHH OK, paragraphs help lol. Don't interrupt your enemy while they're making a mistake. The parenting time in an agreement is the minimum she'll be entitled to, not the maximum. You can always let her have more time with her daughter. But don't put it in the agreement. You seem to be the parent better suited for custody. Let this play out. If she's caving to this arrangement now, there's a reason. There are probably many reasons, and you know what they are.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 08:59 PM
2

The way OP phrased it, that's what the ex is filing for OP to get. Poor wording but it wouldn't make sense the other way. Edit: you're right, OP's ex doesn't want to see the kid much. Never interrupt your enemy while they're making a mistake.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 08:15 PM
6

Her argument is hollow and I'm sure there is a ton of context missing here. There is no way that she packed up the kids and dog because she "doesn't trust you". Why aren't you two in therapy? Have you talked to a mediator or a lawyer? Where did she go?
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 07:49 PM
5

Do you have a lawyer? This is extremely sparse parenting time. Standard is every other weekend Friday night to Sunday night (or you drop her off at school Monday), 1 or 2 weeknights for 3 hours for dinner, and alternating holidays. Alternate every holiday and school vacation. Two weeks in summer for vacation, one week in winter. Get right of first refusal for babysitting so that 1) she doesn't keep trying to edge you out of your daughter's life, and 2) so she doesn't double-tap you by trying to …
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 07:46 PM
3

Similar. My ex and I agreed 100% on mediation, wouldn't give me the mediator's info, a few weeks later I get served divorce papers from a lawyer. My ex paid $5K for a boilerplate divorce agreement she could have found on Google for free.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 04:16 PM
4

I don't think this is borderline - she has legitimate depression and compulsion issues. Borderline would be using OP as a whipping boy while she ruins his life. This one just cheated and bailed on him.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 03:52 PM
6

Yes you should have backed out at any one of those points, but in real life we can never "shoulda". Move forward, lawyer up and delete her from your life. You cannot fix her. You did everything a husband is supposed to do and more. Get out now and write her off. File for divorce with a one-sided proposal that she gets the f*** out of your house and gets nothing - no alimony, no equity in the house, nothing. She may fight, but considering how quickly and how far she's already moved on, she may ju…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 03:50 PM
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This is literally a poll. Please, no polls.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 02:53 PM
13

So glad you made it out in one piece. For others considering it, mediation is an amazing and affordable life-saver when you just want to get the divorce done. But proceed with caution: mediation is also a weapon of distraction for the mendacious borderline. She may suggest mediation, then find a mediator by herself, spend that 5K on the retainer, and then decide "I think we need separate lawyers". $5K down the drain and months wasted. You both have to be exactly on the same page. If your relatio…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 02:52 PM
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Most sources on parental alienation link to the same 8 points listed here https://www.healthline.com/health/childrens-health/parental-alienation-syndrome So your ex is being a piece of shit, but your son isn't being alienated. Yet. She's just trying to edge you out. It's really typical shitbag behavior by custodial parents. Assert yourself in your son's life. Bring your custody order and any other court orders around with you. Make sure you can provide these to school, doctors and daycare. Call …
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 02:42 PM
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Do not get her pregnant Do not get her pregnant Do not get her pregnant If you are in this marriage for the long haul, her mental health has to be the #1, 1000% top priority right now and for the next five years. Not until she's feeling better, not until your sex life improves. Five years. Do not get her pregnant. If you are not 1000% in this for the long haul and ready to dedicate your life to being her caregiver, divorce now. No apologies, this isn't what this sub is supposed to recommend, but…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 11:27 PM
9

People receiving free money contingent on them not getting remarried will not remarry. Engagement is not marriage. It's a long shot, but it couldn't hurt to check that divorce agreement to see if "cohabitation" isn't mentioned. PS never interrupt your enemy if she's making a mistake.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 11:22 PM
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Off topic. Please use the relationship subs for this.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 09:20 PM
1

Don't agree to anything more than is in the orders, period. Opinions vary, but it shouldn't carry any weight on the judge's ruling on custody unless you have a judge sympathetic to her case. Don't do it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 09:01 PM
7

You had that momentum. You can get it back now that you know how you did it. Shake it off, hit the gym and call your friends to talk it out. You will feel a LOT better afterward.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 07:59 PM
1

Her interest won't fade as long as she's receiving the SSI. She's going to use him as a pawn to frustrate you. What's the divorce and custody situation now?
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 05:30 PM
2

This sounds like a situation for a family law attorney familiar with custody of non-marital children. Family courts are hesitant to change existing custody orders so if your STBX already has custody, it won't change. If you challenge custody, the court will assign an AFC (attorney for child) who will either relay his desired living situation to the court, or intervene on his behalf if one living arrangement is detrimental to him.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 04:57 PM
1

Does anyone know any truth or fact in a divorce and custody issue I'm most likely going to be going through? My wife is a twisted puppet to everyone else's ideals especially her self centered deceitful sister who her and her ex has been brainwashing my step kids for years because her ex husband didn't like me from the get go. Never gave him any reason to feel that way about me until he and my wife's sister continually tried to separate me from my wife and kids to be with someone of their choosin…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 04:53 PM
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Thanks /u/Bretweir_jerky, OP has his answer. Locking.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 04:14 PM
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That is postpartum depression, left unchecked and morphed into borderline personality disorder. You don't have to go far to find the correlation https://www.psychiatrictimes.com/view/motherhood-and-the-4-symptom-domains-of-borderline-personality-disorder. Your situation is exactly a mirror of my own and that of four other guys I'm talking to now about their own therapy and divorce. Wife goes off meds, has kid(s), won't go back on meds, stops working. Sex drive drops to zero and she starts blamin…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 03:59 PM
8

Make sure your lawyer holds your ex to that judgment. It is really, really rare for a judge to assign costs to your adversary in family court. Ask the court to mandate that the only way you two are to communicate is through a family app like Our Family Wizard. It keeps your communication to a minimum and eliminates the aimless harassment. Don't back down now. You have the upper hand and it's rare for men to enjoy that position. Please please make sure to send us updates!
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 06:51 PM
3

Family law. Interview a few lawyers and see if they understand the case. Remember - don't overshare and don't act excited / overwhelmed / frustrated at the case - they will use that opportunity to milk you dry. Just find one who has a sober understanding of your case and a demonstrated plan for handling it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 05:59 PM
2

Keep everything. Segregate the "before" and "after" time periods in your reels / photo rolls / albums. Further segregate pictures containing your ex (Picasa used to do this, Windows Photos does it but it's just slow) Delete social media because it's a cesspool of narcissism and self-importance. It's poison for your mind and a cancer on society. Never, ever delete your digital photos. There is social and legal utility in them. Your kids may want to see them one day, and as a dad you should be abl…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 05:57 PM
2

"Claims" don't mean anything. Never put any stock in something that is texted, emailed or spoken when it regards a legally binding agreement. That arrangement doesn't sound sane if your ex is unemployed and living in Section 8 housing. You and your lawyer should be pursuing full custody with your ex having 1 weeknight and alternating weekends.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 05:53 PM
1

Start with the principal. Don't wait for teachers to send messages up or down the chain, start at the top.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 05:50 PM
3

I'm divorced and remarried. Nobody thought I'd ever remarry, least of all me or my new wife. My divorce took almost 6 years to finalize and it was followed by a separate 3-year custody trial just a year later. You should be here. Read the sidebar. Peruse the posts and comments. I'm working on a wiki and references (there are just so many hours in a day) First things first: Don't drink, hit the gym, and get in therapy. Those things will make a world of difference in how you come out on the other …
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 05:46 PM
3

Engagement doesn't afford any privileges. It's not a legal status. But if you both are on the deed for a house and it accrues value while you are on the deed, you are probably entitled to a proportion of that value. You need a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 05:40 PM
9

I feel you. I brainwashed myself with my first, thinking "things really couldn't get worse" and I was always wrong. But with my wife now, this is the second time around for both of us. We both had future plans, we already had kids and we were on the same page - we didn't want any more. Our exes are both high-conflict and we happened to find each other during the mess of divorce. I was really guarded in the beginning but I'm thankful for her unshakable pursuit because she finally broke me down. I…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 05:35 PM
4

Your daughter and your ex belong in therapy. Your daughter is having obvious adjustment problems in dealing with her parents separating. If she's physically violent, I'd consider bringing her to a psychiatrist sooner than later. Unless there's something in the divorce agreement pertaining to romantic pursuits, don't try to put restrictions on your ex and her dating life. It's going to be an arena where she tries to parade her new boyfriends to get a reaction out of you. It looks like both of you…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 05:08 PM
11

We've been together for 9 years now - she'd have to be playing a really long con to be faking it :)
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 04:57 PM
40

I'd like to clarify that a bit - don't work so hard for people who don't appreciate you. My ex was a nasty, borderline ingrate who simply could not be satisfied. She didn't work. I worked 3 and sometimes 4 jobs on top of taking care of the home and half of the kids' transportation to and from preschool or babysitters. She did not cook for me; she would literally cook meals for herself and the 2 kids and leave the empty, dirty pots and pans for me to clean when I got home after 16 hour days. But …
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 04:38 PM
2

Go to a thrift shop to furnish your kitchen. You may be able to buy an entire kitchen's worth of silverware, plates, cups, paper towel holders, a toaster, pans and cooking utensils for $40. Dollar store for measuring cups, small funnels and reusable plastic storage. For spices, you just need salt and pepper. Buy spices as you need them for recipes. Sauces is where it's at: anyone who used HelloFresh knows that 90% of the novelty in meal-delivery services is the sauces. Lidl, Aldi and any superma…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 03:58 PM
2

IANAL so I'll do my best to clarify: A hearing might be the "order to show cause" or a "motion" to ask the court to look at violations. Hearings let the court validate and screen requests, make temporary emergency orders or change mistakes in previous orders. A trial is where you present evidence to the court and the judge makes a decision for the parties. It sucks, but violations of family court orders (by itself) don't have immediate consequences - or any consequences, for that matter. There i…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 03:23 PM
2

I feel like I'm coming into the story late - but do you have a lawyer? What is the legal custody arrangement now?
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 09:21 PM
1

No separation. Divorce. Sounds like this wasn't even a legal separation, you just decided to start doing your own thing? Don't ever agree to separation. If you two ever decide to reconcile and be together again, you can date again, but without the fence-riding purgatory and the marriage contract hanging over your heads. And when you inevitably don't like what your ex did during your poorly-defined break, you don't get back together. Easy. You should poke through those stupid relationship subs fo…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 09:14 PM
1

This sucks too. Because if she has residential custody, yes.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 09:01 PM
3

+1 for TMS. I worked closely with it when it was early market in the Northeast (late 2000s/early 2010s I think?). We saw miraculous results in a lot of patients. Family court is exceedingly reluctant to hand down changes in custody unless a parent is 1) incarcerated, 2) involuntarily committed to rehab or psychiatric hospital, or 3) has physically harmed the children. It's not a good explanation, but this is the reality: no other situations count. Doesn't matter that you're a better person. Lawy…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 08:45 PM
1

Depending on your gross income, check out your state's marketplace. My stepkids were on it, it has a decent enough provider list and the costs per procedure / visit / prescription could not be beat. I think they stayed on it until 18. If the mother has insurance, it could make sense to put them on her plan - do they not have insurance now?
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 08:38 PM
3

Agreed for the push to divorce. Judge can impute income but if OP has been the homemaker, that was his domestic role in the marriage. His part-time job is his only income. At best it might not have an effect on the support he's entitled to, but at worst OP won't be entitled to any support based on the difference in their incomes. I'd say let that play out.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 03:22 PM
3

Ask these questions but also ask: are these required or are they guidelines? What are our chances of getting a better outcome for me? What are the penalties for my ex if she doesn't cooperate with these terms? Do not get excited, upset or frustrated at the process. Don't overshare. Your lawyer will latch onto your enthusiasm and use it to maximize billing.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 02:21 PM
6

This is a common symptom in borderline spouses - I know firsthand. She didn't actually want money, she didn't want my money - she wanted me to not have my money. She never wanted full custody of the kids, she just wanted to be in a position to deny me time with our kids. The best analogy is in Dark Knight, where Alfred describes the bandits who would rob caravans and just throw the gems to villagers. To paraphrase, "Because some women aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't b…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 02:18 PM
–

Locking. Read the post rules.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 01:58 PM
-1

"men's rights" in general isn't bullshit - but MRA is a misogynist and reactionary collection of philosophies that pits you against the world. Not helpful for the narrow scope of the sub.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 01:54 PM
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In the last week, we've locked an obvious self-promotion where the poster had already been warned A YouTube link (the post rules say "no YouTube links") A generic post about Florida's equitable distribution guidelines Someone asking for a pro bono lawyer with no additional information - not the country or state, not the stage of divorce, nothing else. And two aimless rants Moderation isn't a science and we don't yet have the automod scripts to filter these things out. Instead of deleting them ou…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 01:53 PM
4

Thank you - that's an important distinction. Also she'd be automatically ineligible for spousal support in some states (NC for instance)
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 08:46 PM
9

I was thinking just yesterday why we hadn't seen this paradox yet in the sub. We can't offer the usual defensive recommendations and the sidebar is reduced to oxymoron. But you've only said that you "can't take it anymore". Can't take what? I'd recommend some dialogue, some therapy to sort out what's really going on before you jump straight to divorce. Divorce will have a tremendous and lasting financial and emotional impact on both of you. Just like marriage, it's not a decision to be made in h…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 08:44 PM
9

The adultery won't matter. You want to file first so that your ex has to backpedal on your demands, not the other way around.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 08:36 PM
–

Removed, off topic.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 03:01 PM
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No YouTube links. Locked.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 03:00 PM
1

I can't believe I misspelled it, I've been using it for over a year. Thanks for the correction
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 02:48 PM
3

This is a much needed update for this sub. Thank you for sharing! We need these wins!
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 10:36 PM
2

Good luck my friend. It's not easy. Don't drink, keep exercising and get in touch with family and friends. There is a finish line eventually.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 10:35 PM
2

Yes file an injunction against your ex immediately. This might be invasion of privacy or interference with parenting. Feel free to use police well-checks and restraining orders liberally. BPD people hate authority. Put your ex in front of authority as often as you can. You don't need a lawyer for any of this; just an hour or two at court and a little patience to let it play out.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 10:34 PM
1

There is a state calculator for child support - it's meant to provide the difference to the residential parent for the purpose of childcare. And it is skewed against the payor; it unfortunately includes a consideration for a portion of housing costs, when and where the kid is when she's not with you. Child support isn't necessarily a hard set number. You didn't say whether you have a lawyer, if you've signed those divorce papers or what stage you're in but these things are all negotiable. For in…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 10:31 PM
3

Go the police route ASAP. You can sue her in small claims for the things she took / stole. It may not go anywhere, but it gets her in court to face you. Police and court summonses have a way of putting people on better behavior.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 10:24 PM
3

Your kid seems to have a good head on her shoulders. Court doesn't provide devices. You should buy your daughter her own phone that your ex has no control over. Judging by your ex's behavior, you have to file an injunction in family court for the judge to grant you this ability to communicate freely with your kid. It's not unreasonable and requires nothing from your ex besides her absence of interference. How far along in the process are you? What's going on in court?
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 10:22 PM
1

Don't worry what she tells other people. None of them have any power over you or the court. But you can sue her in family court for defamation - this is harassment, and family court lets you sue anyone for literally anything. It doesn't mean you'll win - but it gets the message across, and you should at least come out with a restraining order against her forbidding her to defame or harass you. Save those texts somewhere, they may come in useful down the road.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 10:19 PM
2

None of these are ideal, it would be great to have it handled before the divorce is done. I can't read the original post so I don't know what stage you're at, whether you have kids, or if you're in a community or equitable state. The debt should be negotiated and responsibilities laid out in the divorce agreement. But for the separate finances thing, if she's in debt to you, she holds those cards. Don't hesitate to lawyer up and sue her immediately when she defaults.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 10:15 PM
2

Dude you can take up bowling, learn archery, play guitar, build a home lab and set up gaming servers, build models, start a garden. That's what I did. A flood of new, relatively cheap hobbies that require some focus and commitment, but you can do it at home and put it away when you have to do other things. Of course I didn't keep doing those things forever, but it was pretty cool to learn a handful of new skills and it helped take my mind off things.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 10:11 PM
1

Right. We don't want OP to pick that option because he's going to be the first monthly payment she skips when things get tight or they have the smallest disagreement.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 10:07 PM
3

I'm in NY. I know literally exactly what you're going through so I'll share what I've learned. The system has an elemental bias that begins long before you're married or separated. The expectation is that the mother is the primary caregiver of children, and the father is the primary financial provider. The expectation that the mother is not the primary caregiver doesn't shift, even when the father has been doing all the childcare, all the doctor's appointments, all the school registration and so…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 09:55 PM
6

Bankruptcy allows the court to whittle down her debt to you. Her debt would be unsecured as the asset doesn't exist anymore. She's a recent graduate and offering to pay you monthly on top of loans? I would definitely need to insert a bunch of automatic penalties and an assurance that she'll pay your legal fees when she defaults. If you go that route, you'll be violating an important rule of divorce: your lives and finances are separate now. Make her get the consumer loan. There's a near-zero cha…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 04:25 PM
8

Depends what they're going through at the same time. My friends didn't really care about the divorce. It's like watching fireworks on television. It's not an interesting topic for anyone outside the issue. That being said, you should be in therapy to help you through. Gym and therapy will help far more than football and beers.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 04:21 PM
3

First you go to the court and demand a TRO for harassment. Include as much as possible, because it has to rise to a family offense: stalking, abuse, even defamation on social media. This gets your foot in the door. Then insist that you have no ability to coparent. The settlement to drop the TRO allows you to write in some demands and concessions. The judge / referee will order that your only communication going forward shall be through the "my family wizard" or similar app. it's about $100 per y…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 04:19 PM
3

Don't keep going to her house if you know you're not going to get your son. It will drive you mad. Police reports for denial of parenting time don't actually count in family court, you just pile up pink copies of "domestic dispute" reports. You don't necessarily need a lawyer. You can use the self-service programs at family court to petition for an emergency hearing and to demand a custody order. There is no penalty in family court for violating visitation agreements. Nearly everything in family…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 04:09 PM
2

Spend what you need to survive. Hide the rest. From what we've learned here (thanks to commenters) is that the financial statements are theater; divorce is a civil action, not a criminal case; you're allowed to lie all you want in divorce court and punishments never amount to more than a tongue-lashing by the judge. That does not go for judge's orders, where you can be held in contempt. But it would take a contest or petition by your ex to even bring up financial disclosure disagreements to the …
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 08:42 PM
4

I'm allowing it so she can help her divorced bf do the right thing by his kids. Plenty of dads out here think anything they do to address a problem is a misstep. That reaching out for help is confirmation that they're imperfect, and that will cost them in custody or divorce. That's not the case for voluntary rehab, so I'll let this one play out.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 06:55 PM
1

Definitely see more than one therapist for consultations. You should get a feel for a therapist before you commit to one. I've had women therapists and they were excellent.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 06:44 PM
–

Getting treatment won't matter - in fact, no medical condition matters unless something happened to present a danger to the children. Any intervening party would have to sue to change custody for your current parenting agreement to be affected. Voluntary rehab by itself will have nothing to do with custody. Example of the difference: My ex went to voluntary inpatient rehab last year. No CPS, no custody challenges. She came home and just resumed life. Same ex attempted suicide with pills and booz…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 06:10 PM
5

FB is a gross cesspool of self-pity, arrogance and narcissism. As long as people get the confirmation they want (in replies, shares, thumbs-up, whatever) they will continue doing the behavior that gives them that confirmation. We can only help people who want to help themselves. We can't help everyone.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 07:31 PM
6

When we offer help and it's not accepted, there are a few possibilities: They could be drama queens, they'd rather have a pity party than start being proactive They're lying about the depth of their problem They're just using SM to blame and shame their ex The two people I'm mentoring through divorce are guys I know in real life. If you don't have a IRL relationship, I wouldn't throw myself at someone else's problems beyond pointing them to a forum or a book recommendation. You may have no idea …
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 04:27 PM
3

Could be TV updated Netflix app (this frequently signs me out of Roku) ex changed the account password Netflix is enforcing their password-sharing ban Mom actually signed herself out When you've broken up, make it a clean break. Delete every association you can so you can move forward as an individual and you're not dealing with the ghost of that relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 12:53 PM
11

I'm dying to post a "Can't Touch This" MC Hammer GIF here but I'd be breaking my own rule. Also chiming in to confirm inheritances are almost never subject to division of assets unless they're combined with marital assets. Good thinking, brother.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 10:17 PM
6

The apology would only come in 1) bad faith or 2) as a condition of reconciliation when she ran out of options. I've seen very real apologies and remorse. A real, introspective, life-changing apology doesn't have to be pried from the cheater's mouth.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 07:35 PM
6

Answer: BECAUSE IT FEELS GREAT But I'm trying to figure out the connection between what she did and those web searches - you can't Google search your own real-life history. Was she searching for something she'd read on Literotica? The rest of those searches may hold a treasure trove of what was going on in her head. Be glad you're out and done with the drama. Sometimes the trash really does take itself out.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 07:32 PM
104

Not your wife, not your car, not your problems anymore. Boundaries are healthy, my brothers. Learn from this one.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 11:37 PM
6

OP is between a rock and a hard place. By his previous posts, his wife is depressed and bipolar. He still loves her. I myself would never consider staying with someone like OP's wife because my capacity to love her would diminish to 0 the moment I learned the truth. But OP stands to lose a lot whether he stays or divorces her. Her family sounds really supportive of him. He's never going to get full custody of his kids. And again, he still loves her. Having a 3 and 6 year old and what looks to be…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 11:32 PM
2

Lawyer, now. As /u/guy_n_cognito_tu says, it's possible your marriage wasn't legal but you'd have to know if that country has reciprocal recognition of marriage. It just could be grounds for annulment.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 09:28 PM
0

As /u/professional-lab-157 says, get a lawyer to put together a post-nuptial agreement if these are actually binding in your state. Restrict her spending. She has to agree to complete phone transparency and GPS. Any infidelity and she forfeits any and all claims aside from maybe a $20K handout. If she doesn't agree to the post-nup, you have to get divorced because you're going to be on the hook for child support and paying maintenance no matter the cause of divorce. Edit: I don't know what is di…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 09:26 PM
2

Amen to that - I meant the scenario where he doesn't allow his girlfriend to go on date nights and insists they dress up and dance in the living room :|
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 08:39 PM
2

That's one standout theme in redpill - the fantasy tough-guy persona. That would never, ever play out in the real world.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 08:26 PM
2

Glad that worked out for you. But there are enough metaphors for who can handle how much of a thing that can be bad for you and no matter how good the prologue is, at the heart of redpill is a childish, arrogant, overwhelmingly negative worldview that is not conducive to health and healing. I'm working on a sticky to explain it to the sub. I'm confident it will make sense to a majority of our members, and honestly anyone who disagrees is welcome to start their own sub.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 08:23 PM
6

Amicable split is only possible when you both are sane, sober, reasonable people with no disdain or vindictiveness for the other. Helps if you haven't been influenced by troublemakers pushing you to contested divorce to fulfill their own vicarious fantasy. I have a feeling that if an amicable divorce were possible for anyone here, they wouldn't be here. Remarried 9 years after separating. Met her less than a year after splitting. I've never been happier, calmer, or had better sex with anyone in …
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 06:25 PM
1

Thank you for engaging and not just brigading. I don't doubt that there is comfort in adopting any new lifestyle where self improvement is a core tenet. But redpill has an obscene focus on using manipulation, mistreatment of others and ability to sustain double-standards as measures of "success". It's an abusive philosophy to women and it's an insult to the men who think it's a sustainable world view. The last thing you need when you're lonely and dispirited is to throw yourself further down the…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 05:43 PM
1

A quick glance at your history provides a lot of missing context. Nothing your STBX has told you, threatened you, or gaslighted you into believing... will have any bearing in your divorce. You're bringing her into a forum where her fictional worlds aren't acknowledged and her abusive language has no power over you. Her lies will be uncovered. The kids will be fine after some time and some therapy. Your finances will recover. You have to hit the gym and delete social media to preserve your mental…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 04:10 PM
–

Are you fucking kidding me? Read the room, OP. Locking and blocking. OP's post: Found out my boyfriend (27M) is a con-artist (35F) should I break up with him? (self.Divorce_Men) submitted an hour ago by sophiaajensen21 [-1] Ok, so I met this man who told me he was a civil engineer, who owned his own house, has four cars, and so on. I believed he was a good catch because as a woman with kids, I need a man with a good income. Anyways, time rolls by and he never buys me anything or my kids. Besides…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 03:50 PM
3

As the payer, getting remarried doesn't have an effect on child support. So, no.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 03:49 PM
2

Contact your state's bar association.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 03:48 PM
0

OP is a day old account and whether he knows it or not, this post is redpill bait. We don't want redpill here, there's a sub for that. This is a divorce support sub, not a dating advice sub. Wrong end of the relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 03:47 PM
1

There's the door. Edit: There are good reasons we don't want redpill philosophy here. It's based in conspiracy theories, misogyny and a defeatist mentality. More importantly, this is a divorce support sub, not a dating sub so it's not even relevant.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 02:34 PM
3

Very well said.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 02:31 PM
4

You don't have to pay exorbitant amounts to a lawyer to get divorced. But for most of us, the landcsape of the matrimonial legal world is impossible to learn or navigate without an attorney. Almost any divorce can be had for $500 or less if both parties are agreeable. The problems in family law are many. First, you don't need a lawyer - you can totally file yourself, have your documents notarized with a minimal fee, and even litigate a trial yourself. Second, it's civil court. Nearly everything …
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 02:25 PM
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Gentlemen I'm not going to delete this post and I'm not going to lock it until it becomes necessary. Be respectful and keep your responses within the rules of the sub.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 02:05 PM
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Meme post. Locking.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 12:07 PM
3

User is banned.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 12:00 PM
5

User is banned from this sub. Begone, troll.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 11:59 AM
0

Shutting down conspiracy theory delusions and misogynist hate speech is not "shutting down discussion". Don't try to make a case that there's a middle ground, this sub won't have it. Please feel free to visit other subs with like-minded rules and moderators.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 02:31 AM
3

This is pretty simple - literally anyone can serve her, any non-involved party or you can pay a process server like $50-150 for service. Lawyers always know and recommend process servers. But you can just as likely have a friend serve her. Either way service is just as legal and valid.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 09:31 PM
-4

I'm taking note. There's been an uptick in dogwhistles and conspiracy themed posts over the last week. I'm updating the reporting tools so we can stop this bs in its tracks.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 06:02 PM
2

This is 100% lawyer territory, I don't even know where to begin. You're dealing with divorce, custody and immigration. You need to find a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 03:38 PM
-6

No red pill in this sub. See the post and comment rules.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 02:39 PM
4

You didn't mention how long were you together. Kids? How old? Does your wife agree that your sex life is an issue? Are you both American? (that opens a whole new can of worms) A nonexistent sex life isn't the problem in a marriage though it becomes a problem really quickly. It's a symptom of the problems. Couples therapy is worth a shot. /u/SwordfishVegetable38 has a great recommendation for a book on the subject.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 12:49 PM
2

Your marriage isn't going to be done using a mediator. You need a lawyer to file for divorce and outline your financial obligations. Don't file for separation - for divorce. It doesn't have to be a legal battle. She can accept the terms you lay out when you file - or she can challenge them. The difference is that you are in control when you file, and the clock starts now, not at some indeterminate date in the future when you both see eye to eye, because that's not going to happen.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 12:43 PM
2

You don't need to wait for divorce for her to pay you maintenance and child support. If you're not working and she was the primary earner and you are the primary caretaker of the children, she pays you. File for divorce and get a separation agreement in place that outlines her financial and custodial responsibilities.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 12:40 PM
–

Removed as duplicate.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 12:36 PM
1

Don't take legal advice from police. How long were you married, what state, how old is the kid?
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 12:35 PM
4

The early stages of marriage are tough, but even more so when there are young kids involved. Don't engage with your wife when she's being combative - give her space and see if her anger burns out on its own. You have a child and your wife is pregnant. Keep pushing for therapy and make sure the therapist knows what's going on and how you feel. Make sure therapy is about helping the two of you as a couple - don't use them as opportunities to attack each other. You have to be on the same page becau…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 12:31 PM
1

Wow this is giving me flashbacks. Take a breath and step back. Recordings really don't go anywhere in family court. It sounds like your lawyer in the first case dropped the ball in letting you plead. These accusations don't survive a trial. Still, you are in divorce mode now. I know a lot about divorcing a high conflict ex, the false DV charges, constant police reports, intrusive wellness checks, accusations of abuse / alcoholism / drunk driving / neglect. Anything you do to retaliate or escalat…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 12:25 PM
1

That's a question for your lawyer or accountant. But if the money exists and you're in a communal property estate, your STBX can't channel money out of your joint account and give it to your daughter, it's likely still a marital asset and will be divided in the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 11:26 AM
1

The divorce agreement or separation agreement (which did you file?) should include language warning you both against "wasteful dissipation". For instance, if you need a car, you have to buy a car. If you need to withdraw cash as part of normal routine, you can do the same. If you engage in unusual or conspicuously wasteful spending, this will come out in the financial statements you have to file. Wiping out marital assets in anticipation of divorce will not go unnoticed before you first hearing.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 11:23 AM
–

I don't like this post. It reeks of frontpage ragebait or karma-farming. Locking. Don't post this bullshit here. ​ OP's original post: •Posted byu/FeedMeYourRage2 hours agoTalking about marriage with a cheater? I need a sweet revenge!I've been in a relationship with this girl for nearly a year. I have a lot of feelings for her although I do have concerns as it is hard to date someone so attractive with many options, but my commitment to her was solid.She was honest with me that she cheated on he…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 09:04 PM
5

This is going to vary by jurisdiction - but a separation agreement is the civil contract saying that you agree to these living arrangements, these custody and decision-making rules, these financial guidelines. When you have a separation agreement, it outlines child support and maintenance for the term of the agreement. The problem with having only a separation agreement is that it keeps you in purgatory until the divorce is filed. It's the weapon of passive-aggressive narcissists to keep you und…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 09:01 PM
38

Court is not the place for memes and schadenfreude (happy to use that word thanks to the post a few minutes ago) At best, nobody will make the connection. But you don't want the judge's attention on you instead of the very serious case at hand. wear the shirt but bring a jacket to wear over it for the hearing
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 08:50 PM
38

It can be gratifying to revel in an ex's failures in their social and financial life. It can be even more joyous to watch karma manifest itself physically. Comparison really is the thief of joy. So you can imagine the levels of remorse and regret she's going through now. She knows she done fucked up. For the rest of the guys here, don't be a sore winner. The best revenge is living your best life after someone else pushed you to rock bottom.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 08:45 PM
2

You have a better handle on your son's maturity and awareness than we do, but this is going to cause enormous problems between you and his mother if you out her now. In the worst case, it's going to land you back in family court for alienation or some other bullshit violation of the custody / separation agreement. Review those documents. The exception would be if he blames you for something you didn't do. You have to counter lies with the truth; but don't overshare and don't volunteer informatio…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 05:49 PM
2

The "I'm scared" fiction is the first warning shot - you have to immediately stop interacting with your SO and start recording every interaction, every phone call, and tell everyone you know that you're being set up. File a police report yourself if you have to.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 05:29 PM
1

I was running and biking 6 or 7 days a week, on my way to the best shape of my life for two years before the other shoe finally dropped. It's fitting that my ex told me to get the fuck out of the house and go to the gym or something, which gave me the escapist outlet I needed to mentally prepare for the inevitable. I actually was in the best physical shape of my life when I met my new wife, and I'm glad my ex literally did not get the best of me. Physical fitness has a profound effect on your mo…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 05:17 PM
1

If you're this emotional now, you weren't ready. Back off and give yourself some time to heal before seeking a new relationship. And if you're active duty, make sure this isn't going to bite you in the ass when those papers are signed. This goes double if you're in a state with "at-fault" divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 05:09 PM
3

Redpill isn't going to fly in this sub. That's how you breed indignant, bitter defeatists. Don't suggest redpill in this sub.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 05:06 PM
1

This would be more fitting in a marriage or dating sub, or of course the echo-chamber of the sub you mentioned. Asking for advice in generalized hypotheticals only leads to the inevitable misogyny, misandry and defeatist mentality. People are individuals. Religion has a miniscule effect on the success of a marriage whether you're matched, converted or mismatched. Your upbringing, culture, and support network have a far greater impact on following through with the "till death" part of your vows t…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 05:03 PM
6

I've been in your shoes. Don't let anger get the best of you. Walk away. Check the recording laws in your state and start recording your interactions if you can. It won't count in court, but it may keep you out of jail. You're well within your right to be angry and don't let anyone put you on the defensive or make you feel like you have to explain yourself - but it's going to be another burden to fight off the inevitable throwaway Family Court TROs ("he scares me when he's so angry!") and CPS ca…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 04:15 PM
10

Being with a medically high-needs partner is exhausting. Marriage should be 100/100, not 50/50. You should both be in it for each other and for the marriage, and even a paralyzed spouse can offer a measure of support and encouragement. It sounds like she wasn't even concerned with your health. Stay in therapy and make sure you don't fall into this hole ever again.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 03:54 PM
–

OP you've posted this a few times but aren't responding to anyone who reaches out. There's plenty of people here to listen. We need you to make the next contact.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 11:25 PM
5

OP I think you have the blessing of the brotherhood. The ex is out of the picture, your kid isn't a teen, and at his age he knows what's up.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 11:20 PM
6

There's often some dieseling when a relationship comes to a close. The best sex I had with my ex was after we agreed that the marriage was a complete failure and we hated each other. It was a wild and gratifying close to an exhausting and demoralizing 6 years together. She could also be subconsciously trying to interfere with the perceived challenge of the other woman in your life. In the end, she just wanted some sex and you were there. Don't read any more into it; you did the right thing.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 11:06 PM
3

It's amazing how the entire financial system has us terrified of missing payments and for years we've conflated "bad credit" with "being a criminal" or "losing everything". It sure doesn't help that collections agents were so aggressive and mendacious for so long that people put them on the same level as mob enforcers or FBI agents. Once you realize you're free to say "fuck the credit card and fuck the collections agents" (with the tolerable inconvenience of dealing with the phone calls for a fe…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 10:20 PM
9

Hey bro we're here. What's up?
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 10:07 PM
1

Do not move out. Get that PPO for some temporary relief. You're about to learn how worthless CPS investigations are. It should be obvious that your STBX called CPS with a vague or misleading claim of abuse. CPS is abused almost as much as family court TROs (temporary restraining orders, also "RO" or "PPO" or "stay-away" or "refrain-from"). An overwhelming majority of CPS cases are unfounded - meaning whoever made the claim was lying, exaggerating, or otherwise misrepresented an even to CPS. CPS …
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 10:06 PM
2

That's why I'm hoping for someone in the UK to respond. If you haven't combined finances, and you don't share bank accounts, I don't know how if a personal account is differentiated from marital assets. Check this out: https://www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en/family-and-care/divorce-and-separation/dividing-investments-and-savings-during-divorce-or-dissolution#Dividing-savings-accounts
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 09:57 PM
2

I'm hoping someone from across the pond can help OP with this - here's what I found Normally individuals are responsible for debts that are in their own name. However, if a party can show that it is in fact a matrimonial debt, then both parties may be responsible, regardless of whether it is in a sole name. The court will need to determine what is matrimonial debt that needs to be covered by both parties and what is individual debt that will fall solely to that individual. https://vardags.com/la…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 09:46 PM
2

Question: is she seeing someone new?
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 09:41 PM
2

This one too
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 09:37 PM
2

YouTube links are prohibited on the sub but I'm going to make an exception for this as it's so relevant to OP's post.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 09:37 PM
3

I have very little to add to this aside from my own experience. Almost 20 years ago I found myself unable to pay credit cards, the interest alone was over $600 a month. I happened upon the best financial advice in my life by asking my friend's sister who worked for a collection agency: wtf do I do? Her answer: "Fuck your credit cards. Let the knife fall. You can't fix this. Just take care of your family and figure out the rest later." She was right. My credit took a hit, but it was never terribl…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 09:35 PM
1

I didn't get here in time, but post is locked.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 05:32 AM
1

It's hard to know. I'm still learning the mod tools and moving the content to the new layout. With that we may need to implement some filters to weed out the bots, throwaways and obvious trolls. Until then, feel free to use the available "report" options on posts, users and comments to help us in curating these rules.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 05:27 AM
1

Spousal support is negotiable in consideration of the distribution of debt and other assets. Child support is usually a specific percentage of your gross income. Court won't care about hearsay - don't waste your money or your time pursuing the abuse claim. What state are you in? Your state, length of marriage and income discrepancy will determine amount and duration of spousal support.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 08:43 PM
1

"Gaslighting" is thrown around a lot nowadays. It doesn't mean what people think it means. And it would have to be part of a very sophisticated, very expensive trial for the judge to care. Judges in 99.9% of divorces don't care about gaslighting, drinking, angry language, adultery, mean texts, or generally being an asshole to each other. None of these rise to a family offense by themselves (unless they violate another court order), much less make a difference in the outcome of your divorce. Divo…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 07:45 PM
3

Money. Any divorce that's less than friendly means your cost of divorcing multiplies many, many times. Amicable uncontested divorce with no kids / custody can be had for $500 in many states. After divorce, you have no obligations, so the benefits of being amicable don't matter.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 07:35 PM
15

After reading your post in the "other" sub, you have to lawyer up immediately if she has. Do not move out of your home and do not sign or agree to anything from your wife or her lawyer. But it doesn't sound like there's any infidelity, addiction or financial sabotage. You're both tired and in a rut. Don't buy into the "emotional abuse" line, that's not something that holds any weight in divorce court. You're both adults. Get into therapy now and see if you can salvage your marriage. Take respons…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 05:28 PM
2

You're going to get real-world advice based on the real-world experience of divorce veterans here, but come on. Your relationship with this girl is DOA.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 02:03 PM
2

I could have fat-fingered that setting in the new mod layout (holy shit that's a terrible UI). I just removed that setting a couple hours ago.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 11:12 PM
2

This is called "wasteful dissipation". It's unethical but not illegal, keeping it a civil case. It's still money that belongs to both of you. Your lawyer will use language like "judges don't look kindly on that sort of spending" or "the court isn't going to like that" and "this could have a serious impact on the outcome". In reality, judges care little about ethics and your STBX's lawyer will have to claim that you did this specifically to reduce the value of the marital estate in preparation fo…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 09:30 PM
3

Divorce is inexpensive when decent, agreeable people have nothing to gain by continued combat with their STBX. Divorce is really, really expensive when just one party is an unreasonable, immature, indignant, vindictive asshole. I'm going to put the old notes from the sidebar into the new layout - the short of it is that divorce lawyers are bottom feeders with absolutely no interest in providing you the services needed to achieve a reasonably-priced, expedient divorce. FWIW I had an uncontested n…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 02:38 PM
1

No chance you can see who the user was? It may still appear in your inbox.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 01:34 PM
3

Wow you weren't kidding. 3 years since the last post, and that was the mod asking for help. But yes /r/divorce is majority women. That's what led me to find and adopt this sub.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 01:33 PM
1

I missed it. What did the bot say? We're happy to apply the ban-hammer to trolls and interlopers.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 01:30 PM
2

We'll probably know in a year or two when scientific studies and polls are done. Stands to reason that lockdowns led to a lot of breakups out of pure frustration.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 01:29 PM
4

Welcome. Glad to help!
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 11:27 PM
3

You got this. You can probably see my own development over the years between the sidebar (recently toned down) and this post. I'll stick by everything in the sidebar because it's all true, but I did have to dial back the anger a bit. As life goes on you learn and you heal. You'll lose and you'll win. Basically all the lessons we learned as kids, but with the anger and intensity turned up 1000%. You're going to be angry and sad and frustrated. In the process you're going to learn a lot about peop…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 10:52 PM
19

If the decree is signed, you're done. She's having remorse. We don't know all the details that brought you to this point, but your relationship is over. No-contact is the best way to end the confusion and move on with your life. Edit: reading your post history, this makes sense. It looks like you're dating someone else. She's trying to preserve her claim on you. Don't fall for it. The relationship failed for reasons. Don't go back.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 10:09 PM
9

Yes, but it's rare. I'm ecstatic every time she comes to mind because I know exactly how awful her life has been since she kicked me out 10 years ago, after years of fight-baiting, namecalling, slander and fictional world-building. I never learned what her problem was, she just wanted me gone. We spent the next 8 years in court where she dragged out the divorce for no reason anyone could figure out. So it's a mixed blessing. I never enjoyed a bittersweet memory of my ex. She was an angry, violen…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 10:05 PM
4

Most of us subconsciously repeat history. Whether we like it or not, our first role models are our parents. Habits and behaviors begin long before we've developed permanent memory. It make sense that the restlessness in a child of divorce would manifest as commitment-phobia or wanderlust later in life. Plenty of people buck that trend and break the cycle. Your wife did not. I had a similar interaction with my FIL before he passed. This was not a man to mince words, and to put it mildly, he warne…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 06:06 PM
–

Locking, this is fantasy ragebait.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 05:34 PM
2

Best of luck! No matter the outcome, please send an update. It's details and nuance like this that will help others in the sub.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 02:01 PM
1

OP deleted the post and moved on. Locking. I'll keep a better watch on posts as we curate the submission rules for the sub.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 02:00 PM
2

70% are initiated by women; the rate is even higher for women with college degrees (citation needed)
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 01:57 PM
3

You need a lawyer before you do anything. This may be an opportunity to create a trust to shield your assets. Please see a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 01:47 PM
4

Inheritance is usually regarded as separate from marital assets even if you're married when the inheritance occurs - unless they're converted (e.g. you inherit 10K but use it as down payment for the marital home). This is a question for a lawyer because these rules vary by state.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 01:44 PM
1

It may all be in your head. You've grey-rocked her, now you need to grey-rock her memory. In the end, I can promise it doesn't matter to anyone who matters. You're doing the right thing, just let this burn out on its own.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 01:42 PM
1

What state, how did you file?
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 01:40 PM
2

Anecdotally, anyone can tell you this is true. People in the same social circles with identical family pressures (or lack of) and socioeconomic status tend to do what their peers are doing. Facebook is the social poison that makes it all 1000% worse.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 01:40 PM
4

Get yourself into therapy. Instead of battling the kids, make them part of house maintenance. Make yourself go to the gym so you have a "third place" beside home and work. Even if you just spend time in the sauna, it will be meditative and have a huge impact on your mental health. Let go of the small stuff. Don't take on new stuff - pets, vehicles, or social obligations. Cut out social media entirely. This all gets better with time. Imagine being in the same situation but also losing the house a…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 01:38 PM
3

This is the 2020s, nobody cares if you wear a ring unless you're beyond a certain age and pursuing a career in a religious institution. Some people keep it as a memento, most of us will just sell it for the closure as there's very little return on jewelry.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 01:29 PM
3

The better option would have been to simply avoid marriage, whether or not you want children. The marriage contract is what holds fathers hostage. Custody, parenting time and support can all be determined without the distraction and blackmail in divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 01:26 PM
–

Interlopers: We're not morality police, and we're not going to start moderating based on your opinion of "cheaters". If you don't like reading real life stories, don't interact with them.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 01:21 PM
2

Reading your original post, it looks like you're DIYing this. You know your STBX better than any of us do, but I was never in a situation where an agreement like this was within the realm of possibilities. If you're not going to use an attorney, put that language into the agreement and treat it as a normal, matter-of-fact feature of any regular financial agreement (because it is). Nobody thinks it will "get to that point" :( but I can tell you from experience that the moment the two of you exper…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 09:41 PM
2

You want to get in front of the obvious hurdles well ahead of time. All civil contracts are "legally binding". But civil courts are still packed with people losing their shirts trying to enforce contracts they've been stiffed on. Everything has to be spelled out in the agreement, including day of first payment and dates of subsequent payments. Make sure there are unambiguous terms and immediate penalties for violation. Make sure there's a provision where she has to pay for your attorney if and w…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 08:43 PM
2

Locking. No ads or cattle calls please. I'll explain this in a sticky.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 08:38 PM
–

Cautiously approving this because like most comedy, OP's premise is an uncomfortable reality. Keep it civil guys, we don't really want to deal with another flood of trolls.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 07:05 PM
1

Now is your chance to spend time on you. You need to do some mental housekeeping to build yourself back up. Gym is 50% of the battle; therapy is the other 50%. Get yourself into therapy before you go dabbling in the dating world again. You are still a complete person without that partner by your side.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 06:54 PM
2

Keep that door closed. If she needs to 'share' something, she can email you.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 06:51 PM
3

Seems like a 50/50 split on commenters approving with the idea or not. Considering my ex used every opportunity to keep my kids away from me, I would have jumped on the chance to buy a house 1 block over. Feel out the pros and cons. It seems like there's more in the "pro" column as long as your ex isn't a creepy stalker type.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 06:50 PM
1

Act and speak as if you're being recorded. It will help you keep your emotions in check and eventually your tolerance for adversity improves. Also don't ever talk to cops unless you called them. If the question is "did you email or text this person" the answer is always no. Cops can't interrogate your computer or cell phone.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 06:44 PM
3

We love these updates. Guys, this sub is not all doom and gloom. We're on a dark road. But there is an exit with your name on it. Don't ever lose your direction or your hope for a better future, plenty of us are finding it. We need these updates for morale, so keep 'em coming!
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 06:40 PM
5

My divorce gave me the space to find my real wife. The woman who would be my partner, someone who matched my energy and life goals, someone who spends her days and nights building me up instead of tearing me down. It would not be an exaggeration to say that my life has been 1000% better than it ever was before.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 06:38 PM
1

Can't tell if you're being serious or ironic :| but thank you! I moderate as much as possible in the time I can dedicate to the sub. Our permaban list grows every week. I'll approve the posts that fit, delete or lock the ones that don't, and generally try to get some housekeeping done so the loonies from all sides can go be trolls somewhere else.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 06:36 PM
2

No you should not get married. You don't want to. That's all the reason there has to be.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 10:35 PM
3

Our Family Wizard, for anyone who doesn't know. Ask the judge to order you both to communicate only through the app. It forces proper communication and creates accountability.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 10:14 PM
4

I'd love to agree - but that means the ex will only do this in front of the kid. The parents are already divorced. Now the kid needs to witness people standing up for themselves.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 02:38 PM
1

/r/legaladvice
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 02:31 PM
1

3 years - so you got married during COVID lockdowns? That's a pretty stressful start to begin with. New businesses are stressful. Advanced degrees are stressful. While you're both working on your futures, you both have to put some things "on the shelf". You can't always have that new-relationship energy so you start taking some things for granted: in your case, it's the marriage. Taking things for granted doesn't have to be negative, it's just that we don't have the mental bandwidth to give 100%…
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 02:17 PM
1

Don't put your life on hold. Move as you've planned. How you two interact in those two months will tell you all you need to know about your potential for a future together.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 02:10 PM
5

That's good work. Keep that door closed.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 04:59 PM
9

I'm cautiously approving this post. Visitors and brigaders read this from the obvious perspective of the OP, that these situations and power imbalances exist in the real world and are magnified in social media to men's detriment.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 01:46 PM
1

You need a lawyer. If you're locked out of your accounts, call or drive to the bank with your ID to have your credentials reset, then add 2FA. Don't mingle business and personal accounts. That's rule #1 for business finances. Don't listen to your STBX. Get a lawyer and listen to your lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 02:55 PM
1

This is not a helpful post so I'm locking it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 02:45 PM
1

I think /u/Comfortable-Angle660 meant don't live with a cheater and try to coparent with them.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 02:38 PM
1

Whatever the rules for dividing assets and cash, I've yet to hear of a case where the court claws back from one party due to abnormal spending or "friviolous dissipation". This is why the sidebar recommends isolating your finances and selling off what you can before the stipulation is signed and you're under an injunction.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 02:15 PM
3

That is a bizarre style of writing and a useless contribution to the sub. Locking.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 01:16 PM
1

If there are no children and you both agree on terms, your divorce is a good candidate for mediation. Find a lawyer who can work for both of you.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 01:14 PM
3

Thank you for sharing, and for the encouragement of other members. Talking about it, reaching out for help, seeking wisdom from others who have survived what you're going through -- those are the things that will get you through this.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 01:13 PM
1

Plenty of people - men and women - tend to date a "type". And without working on their own issues, their relationships always have the same troubles and they always end the same way. After my divorce, I met a woman who was the polar opposite of my ex. I'm happy to report that we just celebrated our first wedding anniversary after 9 really, really good years together. People can change for the better - but they usually don't. Most times it's better to find someone better. I wish you guys the same…
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 03:15 AM
3

Rule 1: Never go back. When confused / drunk / tired / horny and the situation presents itself, always refer to Rule 1. There is nothing good that will come of this.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 03:07 AM
1

It sucks, but you can't afford not to have a lawyer. Read the sidebar - you can't navigate this landscape yourself, and you can't afford to miss a detail that's going to delay the divorce or invalidate your claims.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 02:40 AM
1

With interest rates where they are today LOL. I'd say LET HER BUY YOU OUT. She has to get a new mortgage in her own name at today's rates. It will have no bearing on the requirement for her to give you 50% of the equity in the house. Rent for a few years, save up cash and buy a house on the other side of this market. What she's doing sounds strategic alright. Strategically shooting herself in the foot.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/23 01:50 AM
1

Is one-party consent the law in your state? If not, she's doing this illegally. No matter the case, I know from experience that people say a lot of things when tension is high. Everyone thinks they have the big GOTCHA on tape that will "win" them the case in divorce court. But in reality, nobody is interested in the recordings. Divorce is not a criminal process. It's a civil action. Nobody is going to listen to the recordings except maybe your lawyer, who will convince you it's super interesting…
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/23 01:47 AM
6

It's unlikely. An inheritance belongs to the recipient - but the moment you moved it into the joint account, it became a marital asset. Best you can do is slip that into the language of the separation agreement and see if it flies. Lawyer up.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/23 01:42 AM
15

30 years, house, 401k, unemployed spouse = you absolutely need a lawyer. Don't try to DIY this divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/23 01:38 AM
–

Locking. Outside of this sub, this sounds like fine relationship advice. But motivational speakers and pop psychology is exactly what this sub doesn't need. Please stick to text posts.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 02:54 AM
1

If you had a separation agreement, it should have specified that no new expenses or unreasonable debt can be incurred. No changes in spending behaviors. If she did this with a stip in place, your lawyer files a violation and she answers to the court.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 02:45 AM
1

As a divorced man who went through the same thing with my ex, I empathize. You have a bunch of paperwork ahead of you - hope you kept and/or scanned it. I wouldn't worry about contacting his friends, the IRS is pretty good at locating people. Eventually. But as a mod, I'm sorry I'm locking this post as "lost". I can recommend /r/legaladvice or /r/tax for more detailed help.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 02:36 AM
3

"Used against you" and "something your judge will look at or consider" are two different things. Don't put any weight on threats, allegations or innuendo. They are red herrings that any scumbag family law attorney will latch on to becau$e it ratchet$ up the billable hour$$$. Do move for divorce and tell your lawyer you want a trial. No 4-ways, no conferences, no meetings. Prepare for trial. That's how you separate the facts from the sensationalist distractions. If you aren't doing anything wrong…
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 02:16 AM
1

Your state may have guidelines on what happens to the engagement and wedding bands. If you paid $5k for a ring, you'll get about $400 for it at a reputable jewelry store. Basically scrap value. That's just the way it is. If she's taken it off and left it in a box, I believe contract law regarding "abandoned property" applies. But again, you'd want to make sure your state laws don't say differently. If she's expressed any interest in keeping or selling "her" rings don't put yourself in a sticky s…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 02:39 PM
1

I'd highly recommend the deadbedroom and adultery subs for some stories and examples from all sides on how this plays out in the long term.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 05:46 PM
1

May want to check your state's laws on defining the "date of separation" and whether intercourse counts toward "reconciliation". Huge warning first: you want to make 100% certain she isn't pregnant, by you or someone else. Best bet is to say "no thank you" and start moving on with your romantic life. You're divorcing for a reason.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 05:38 PM
1

Right. That would all have to be spelled out in some type of contract beforehand; either written, emailed, hell it could be written on a napkin. But if there's no such agreement in place, and you don't have any sort of divorce or separation agreement, she's way out of line asking you for money long after the fact.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 05:32 PM
2

Legally, you can start as soon as the SA is filed (provided there is a no-interference clause, as there should be). However, the Uniform Soon To Be Ex Spouse Code dictates that your private life better stay private until that divorce is executed. This isn't based in law of course, but anyone here who started shacking up with another woman while still "legally married" knows the havoc that an angry ex can wreak on your life if she knows there's another woman. If things are not amicable, you don't…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 05:27 PM
3

That's a small-claims dispute at best. Your relationship, living situation and children don't even come in to play. A verbal contract is totally valid for small, short-term expenses like nannies and incidental expenses. She would have no ground even if she did pursue it in small claims court. Edit: your contract in this case was a verbal agreement that you'd both handle your own expenses. It doesn't matter if she kept records for 50 years, you're not bound to reimburse her for anything unless yo…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 05:19 PM
-7

Locking this post, off topic. Please find a rant or relationship sub for venting. Edit: downvote all you want. This sub isn't going to turn into another misogynist rant sub. Head over to mensrights or redpill if you need your fill of anti-woman generalizations and rhetoric.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 01:23 PM
1

A libel or defamation case relies on proving injury or financial loss. OP would have to bring this to a civil or small claims court (not family court, where I guess most of this sub lives). And all Ed would have to say is "this is my opinion" and the case evaporates. Even if you could find a decent lawyer to take the case, it would be a prohibitively expensive and time consuming ordeal just to demonstrate injury to reputation or financial loss from a Facebook post.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 04:35 AM
1

Please post to /r/legaladvice or another sub.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 01:36 AM
4

It's typical for the lesser-income party to request attorney fees. But it's really rare for family court to assign them, even in the case of vexatious litigants and failures to appear. Attorney fee agreements are usually done early on at the separation agreement stage, if at all. Maintenance is usually for a set period and negotiable. That should have been proposed in the SA as well. Your lawyers should have advised you on California's guideline for maintenance. Here's what I found on the Google…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 02:55 PM
2

I'm going to call out the obvious - this story sounds like it was written by a middle-schooler and it doesn't help that you used an unnecessarily anonymized throwaway account and crossposted to the divorce subs instead of the relationship subs. I'm having trouble believing anyone in their 40s acts like "Ed" does - a poorly written two-faced villain, a male Peyton from The Hand that Rocks the Cradle, complete with the caricature of brainwashed, judgmental in-laws. Having an even harder time belie…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 02:12 PM
1

The right thing to do is pursue it in court. You have no idea if her mom is telling the truth about her debt or income. Problem is, you have to lawyer up first, and family court is really unlikely to make her pay your attorney's fees, even if it's in the SA, even if it's 100% her fault, even if those are the rules. Financially, it's not worth it. ​ The sensible thing is to get your own insurance, eat the few hundred bucks and move on happily with your life. Even after you get a judgment, your ch…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 03:30 PM
3

Would be helpful to know which state / region you're in. it doesn't seem like she has a rational argument for divorce, but she seems to have poor parenting skills to begin with. You two are simply not a good match. ​ Lawyer up. Child support is going to be your responsibility regardless of the living arrangements, but it sounds like she won't be asking for maintenance (?) Find a lawyer who understands what you want and is willing to go to trial from day one.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 03:24 PM
10

And commercial fishing, ironwork, and heavy machine operating. Problem with the gender-wage disparity and the promotion of women in STEM is that it actually magnifies the problem of women in a male dominated field. Nobody is complaining about womens' absence in plumbing, waste management, roofing, cesspool pumping and oil delivery. I've never even heard of a female trash collector. It was never about equality. The push for women in STEM is just to take women out of low-paying jobs in air-conditi…
/r/MensRights28/08/23 07:58 PM
6

Money. And even then, it's unlikely that you'll see ferocious attacks and television-worthy drama. Read the sidebar, I spelled out what I believe to be a universal truth about family law attorneys. They are invariably lazy bottom-feeding opportunists who will bleed you dry for the absolute minimum outcome. Family law is a necessarily incestuous and corrupt self-preserving institution. They're all lawyers but more importantly, they all know each other and they all have lunch together daily. Shark…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 04:19 PM
1

She will absolutely not pursue gainful employment during the separation. That being said, I would not incorporate until you've legally divorced. If you do choose to incorporate, make sure it's a C corp where you pay a little extra in taxes but there is no pass-through income. You can do the S corp conversion down the line. Talk to your accountant about these options. Separation agreements are civil contracts and 100% negotiable. Get your lawyer off his ass and make him do the work for you.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 10:29 PM
1

Nothing to add. This ^
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 10:22 PM
16

Your story is horrifically similar to mine. It sounds like your wife is suffering postpartum. This is going to get worse and not better. Unfortunately you can't do anything about it unless she wants help. Anecdotally, I've noticed an epidemic over the last 15-20 years of women having children, ignoring postpartum symptoms, refusing treatment / therapy / medication, and then becoming crazier than a shithouse rat. My suspicion is that it's a product of the reality tv era followed by the social med…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 10:20 PM
3

Children unfortunately are not immune to the fallout of divorce. Don't set yourself on fire to keep your ex warm. More than anything, you need a new lawyer. 400k to a family law attorney and now they're telling you to "take action"? That's batshit insane. Please find a new attorney, one who is familiar with father's rights.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 10:08 PM
3

Family court restraining orders are the most abused device in our legal system - and they mean almost nothing to the court itself, especially when they're dismissed. A huge majority of RO's are dropped without trial. Restraining orders have to specify the accused and the victims. Unless there's an allegation of abuse of the kids, it won't apply to parenting time. And if she's only petitioning for a RO against you for herself, she's still bound by the custody agreements. If she petitions for a RO…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 09:58 PM
1

Can she "kick you out"? No. She'll likely try to force you out with a restraining order, though. Do not voluntarily leave your marital home. Be prepared to fight. The best way to prepare is to file first. If she tries to take the child away, that's abandonment and possibly kidnapping, depending on your state. You have to file for divorce NOW to get the ball rolling, stop her threats and protect your parental rights. You have to get a separation agreement in place NOW to protect your living situa…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 09:23 PM
19

Most divorce agreements include life insurance, 401k, and pension payout provisions to the paid ex-spouse.
/r/MensRights07/07/23 08:36 PM
3

I'm not saying tomboys has it easier Why not? They do.
/r/MensRights07/07/23 08:09 PM
3

Fellow biker and divorced dad here. Wind therapy is real. Keep the rubber side down.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 07:37 PM
3

Let me tell you how this goes. I dealt with an ex who got caught in countless enormous lies on which her RO's were based. She told the court I was abusive (there was never any record or any specific account of this ever happening, because it didn't). She told the court I was an alcoholic (she's not in any way qualified to diagnose; nevertheless, I'd quit drinking for a year at a time, completely unnoticed by her, in order to silence her accusations and appease her. she still called me an alcohol…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 07:31 PM
3

Sounds very familiar. Read the sidebar. You have respect each and every restraining order -- no matter how fraudulent the filing. Do NOT talk to police if / when they call or come to your house. File competing restraining orders; this keeps her on her heels. Pick up the book "Splitting". Your wife has made it her life's purpose to destroy you. She once idealized your relationship, and now you are 100% dogshit. There is never a middle ground; it's a symptom of borderline personality. File first, …
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 06:55 PM
3

Do not take advice or recommendations from your wife. She is engineering your divorce and honestly, it sounds like she's a step ahead of you in planning. At best, you both have psychological issues that need to be worked out, whether or not you remain married. At worst, she's setting the stage and building a narrative where you're emotionally unstable and in need of psychiatric intervention. She's planning to use this against you. She's going to escalate the accusations and keep you afraid of be…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 06:47 PM
5

I had a very, very similar experience. My ex told me she was incapable of pregnancy due to "procedures" she had in her teens. BAM, honeymoon baby. Sex life died immediately after the 2nd was born and she had been engineering the divorce for years already. Yes it was her plan all along, to have some preconceived "perfect life" and you were slightly more important than an NPC in it. Her plan didn't fail. You just weren't a very big part of the plan after you'd served your purpose. FWIW I met my re…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 04:21 PM
1

Read the sidebar. What may have worked for you isn't going to work for any but the most cordial of divorce proceedings.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/23 01:55 PM
2

/u/dday_throwaway3 is my new favorite responder here. Divorce means you are no longer accountable to each other or responsible for each other. Her refinance struggle is none of your business. Your equity is your business. That being said, "never interrupt your enemy while they're making a mistake" re: waiving child support. Get that divorce done and let the lawyers hammer out the details. Verbal agreements don't count and they won't hold up in court - especially when you're talking about long-te…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/22 04:20 PM
2

It gets better when both of you want it to get better. Rebuild your life and make yourself the focus. Gym, family, work, dating, new skills, hobbies. Delete and block her from all social media if you haven't already. My ex is a legitimate borderline sociopath. Our divorce required no less than 4 psychologists, 2 psychiatrists and a forensic psychologist. We're still deep in a custody battle because she's an off-the-wall nutcase. Nothing takes your mind off the old SO like finding a new SO. I onl…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/22 04:14 PM
3

We receive these requests at least once a year. Which publication do you write for?
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/21 08:07 PM
2

Never play the good guy. Divorce means you're not responsible to each other anymore. The problem with what you're doing is this: it will be expected in the future. And once she takes that inch, she'll take a mile. Her lawyer will be able to argue that she's accustomed to you paying her bills. Don't do it. No matter how it turns out, you will never gain any goodwill equity from a divorcing woman.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/21 07:57 PM
1

Do not move out. Move your cash now. Sell anything worth a dollar and hide that too. Never fight for 50/50. That means 50/50 IS THE MAXIMUM YOU WILL GET. Fight for full custody. Do not mediate.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/21 07:30 PM
1

Tell your son to have a vasectomy now. He doesn't have to tell her.. This is a trap.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/21 07:23 PM
1

Grey Rock would be giving her dry, factual advice to diminish her interest in tormenting you. But you already know that's impossible. Your only option is to ignore. There's a good chance your son will prefer living with you if his mother is an oppressive maniac. Check state laws, it's possible you can get full custody (and child support from your ex) if your son stays at your house exclusively for 3 contiguous months.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/21 05:17 PM
1

What you did was emotionally manipulative, whether you intended it or not. People tend to want to be treated as something special, not as a passing interest for casual fulfillment. Resume being friends, dial back the honesty a little bit, and don't tell women you have a crush on that you have a crush on other women.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/21 05:10 PM
3

I've said it before and I'll say it here: there is no net benefit to marriage for men in the 21st century.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/21 05:07 PM
4

Lawyer up now and fight for full custody. Your ex is going through postpartum and now an underlying personality / psychiatric condition has surfaced. Demand forensics now and not later. Your ex has kidnapped the children and stolen your pets. I don't think this is legal in any state. Looking at porn is not grounds for divorce in any state. It sounds like your STBX has been gearing up for this for a while. Don't listen to what she has to say. Don't listen to her mother and don't listen to her mot…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/21 06:02 PM
1

Financial statement and "net worth" weren't even looked at in my divorce because we only owned debt. If you don't have an estate or significant savings to divide, nobody will look at it. Consult with your lawyer and follow his/her advice.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/21 05:55 PM
13

Lawyer up and go on the offensive first. Everyone wants an amicable divorce. Everyone thinks "this is probably as bad as it can get". Everyone is wrong. Don't ever concern yourself with the cost of a good lawyer today. Go into debt, whatever it takes to protect yourself and your assets. As time goes on and divorce becomes combat, you will have already given up a lot of ground because you weren't on the offensive first.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/21 05:53 PM
1

Life stage is just where you are in life... usually it's used to denote the transitions from bachelorhood - courting - marriage - kids - kids going away to school - divorce And so on.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/20 12:23 PM
1

If he was ordered to pay through CSEB, it should have been set up to be taken directly from his paycheck. The only payment he'd have to make with personal checks would be the initial payment or arrears. Someone is lying. Fuck the AG.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/20 02:03 PM
1

Tell him to lawyer up and don't fall on his sword, not for her and not for anyone, and not NOW. There's plenty of life to be had after 60.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/20 01:59 PM
2

You're in a dream situation for divorce. Take this as an absolute win. Make new friends. Tell your family matter-of-factly. Chances are they have a pretty good idea what's going on anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/20 01:58 PM
1

Perfectly valid. But considering your life stage, have you considered fertility clinic or in vitro?
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/20 01:56 PM
1

Removed.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/20 01:49 PM
2

Empty the accounts now. You can't split accounts with a zero balance. Judge will be palms-up asking what money she wants when there's nothing in the accounts. Empty the accounts, file first and hit hard. Surrender nothing. Edit: Discovery only happens AFTER one of you files. Anything either of you do NOW isn't vulnerable to injunction. Edit: Separation agreement / stipulation is a civil contract. You get your lawyer to intimidate her into surrendering any claims to your property. "Lawyer" sounds…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/20 09:23 PM
3

I was ecstatic. From meeting her lawyer (who originally wrote up the SA; find this in my post history) to testifying in the 5-minute trial, I was absolutely elated about getting that villainous hemorrhoid off my ass and out of my life. I hope you grow to enjoy divorcehood as well. The way it was described to me, this is "going to college and getting your diploma".
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/20 07:47 PM
3

Once those papers are signed off by the judge, there is very little she can do without a LOT of $$$ and a lengthy trial. Chances are very, very slim she'll be able to get a lawyer, judge and child guardian to help her case either. Judges are hesitant to change custody arrangements as long as the children are healthy and their home lives are stable.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/20 07:39 PM
2

Ignore your ex's requests and demands that aren't spelled out in a stipulation. File an injunction immediately to force her to comply with your parenting rights. You have nothing to present at the mediation. Your ex is severely out of line and she's violating your rights as a father.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/20 06:41 PM
1

Do not say another word to her until you've done what's in the sidebar. hide your assets get her name off your shit lawyer up Lawyer up. Nobody thinks they can afford it until they HAVE TO afford it, and they haven't prepared. Don't put it off. Lawyer up now. And read the sidebar. If your STBX has a joint account with her new GF you can file to have those assets frozen. You're still married and your STBX's finances are half yours. There's a case to be made there; whether you act on it or just us…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/20 10:06 PM
1

Yep just do it. You didn't deserve to be cheated on and your state provides a method of suing someone for that offense. It's OK to call it revenge, that doesn't change the facts of the case. Your ex and her AP are imbeciles for getting caught in a AoA state.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/20 10:03 PM
0

The sidebar agrees - marriage is a game men can only lose. But there's no way that you end up screwed in all this. Your divorce will certainly be no-fault, but you are entitled to a lot more than you're giving yourself credit for. Half the equity in the houses, half her retirement, half her savings... on top of alimony for YOU. These are things that the partner who earns more has to pay. That includes lawyer's fees when there is a huge discrepancy in incomes. Certainly you have a lawyer, you hav…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/20 09:58 PM
1

It's not even "contingency" - it will be a term of the separation agreement, and enforceable by the court. You can simply file an injunction against her now to show her you mean business. Don't go into divorce acting as if you're on the defensive. Go in with hammers in both hands and attacking. You want 50/50 custody? You better fight for sole custody. You want to be able to see your kids every other holiday? Make sure you fight for every weekend and holiday with no exceptions. that's how you ma…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/20 09:49 PM
1

What country are you in? If you weren't legally married by a priest or lawyer, and it hasn't been validated in the country you're living in, rejoice... you're not married. Just walk away.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/20 04:42 PM
2

What she did is called projection. Narcissists do that.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/20 04:41 PM
2

On mobile when you view the front page for the sub there should be an option in your menu to view sidebar. On Android it's the hamburger menu at the top-right in BaconReader
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/19 10:52 AM
1

Borderline malignant narcissist. Think of Trump, but as a woman you have to live with.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/19 03:53 PM
1

Hopefully these rental properties are under a corporation? ​ Alimony takes into account "preservation of lifestyle comparable to what both parties enjoyed while together". That means preservation of her lifestyle. No divorced man ends up with a "similarly enjoyable lifestyle" after separation. You have a fight ahead of you, and 5000 brothers are here to see you through it. ​ Get that corporation and those properties shielded. Talk to your own lawyer and an accountant immediately to get these iso…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/19 03:53 PM
1

She gets 0% of the house if it wasn't hers before. It doesn't become "communal property" unless you put her on the title. She gets nothing. Don't listen to her, don't be intimidated by her, but most of all don't talk to her. Commenter below is correct; she's been talking to friends who have no clue. ​ Read the sidebar and get your shit hidden. Empty your accounts. Get her name off the shared accounts. Do this before separation is filed, because it comes with an injunction against both of you cha…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/19 03:45 PM
1

I emailed my ex the hour-long recording of her going full nuclear one day, out of nowhere. I was playing gofish with my kids on the living room floor and she came in screaming and ended up throwing lunchboxes, hair dryers and remote controls at me. I didn't even raise my voice during the hour. This was the tail end of her years-long campaign to kill the marriage, take the kids and relax with some schmuck paying her bills. ​ I CC'd her lawyer and my lawyer and made sure not to use BCC. ​ Her only…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/19 03:41 PM
1

Read the sidebar. use this time to prepare and protect yourself. ​ Kids are resilient. Don't fall for the "right time" trap. Very, very few people are so mentally fragile that they can't get past a life event during the holidays. ​ That being said, do wait until after the holidays. While she's busy with holiday shit, do what the sidebar says.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/19 03:33 PM
1

First - make sure your son wants to go to college, and that in 5 years his degree will be worth more than the paper it's written on. I say this as a guy making a really decent salary DevOps with $32k in loans from a degree I should have wiped my ass with. ​ Your ex's finances are not your concern at all. Don't worry about 'fair'. Don't spend a minute worrying about what she can or can't pay for. Your responsibility to her ends at the stip. ​ First, make sure financial aid covers whatever it can …
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/19 03:31 PM
1

That OTHER divorce sub is garbage, trolled by feminazis and liberal crybabies. It's a women's sub. If you have a penis, stay in this sub for actual, real-world advice for men. ​ Once the D word is mentioned you are enemies. BUT - if you haven't filed yet, it sounds like she's not particularly motivated to get it started either. That's good, because her mind hasn't been poisoned by the Facebook Cult of Divorced Women. In any case you better start shielding your assets because a divorce with 3 kid…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/19 03:17 PM
1

An excellent victory story. Approved.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/19 03:02 PM
1

I stickied the sidebar; please read it and consider your real world options. Don't get distracted by the dramatic fantasy of a "gotcha" moment in court because she's a filthy cheater. ​ Hide your shit, delete Facebook, hit the gym and find a lawyer who convinces you he or she is willing to show up in court swinging an axe.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/19 03:01 PM
1

Removing -- this sub is not the place for ads, youtube videos or other social media posts. It may be a fine and relevant video to someone out there but it doesn't belong in this sub.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/19 02:53 PM
2

Fuck that layout. I'm going to sticky a post with the sidebar content. Thanks for the heads up. And that is a collection of my own experiences - of course YMMV but it's still valuable info. Use it share it, distribute it. It will still come in handy for you in the future. Godspeed, brother.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/19 02:35 PM
2

All negotiable. Do not agree to pay for her lawyer. Let the judge dictate this when you two don't come to an agreement. There are no hard and fast rules; separation and divorce are civil contracts.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/19 08:15 PM
1

Read the sidebar, it's all there. Do NOT go in ready to concede anything. The cards are already stacked in her favor. Do NOT offer anything above and beyond what the court will require of you. DO fight for 100% custody, that's the only way you will end up with 50/50. DO start shuffling your assets out of shared accounts and separating your finances. DON'T worry about the character assassinations, blame games, finger-pointing or threats of legal / CPS bullshit you're inevitably going to get hit w…
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/19 08:13 PM
1

It is wrong for OP to go into divorce pre-emptively guilty. STBX already has the cards stacked in her favor by virtue of being born female.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/19 03:58 PM
2

Keep your chin up, you are going to be absolutely fine.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/19 03:56 PM
1

This in in fact the /r/divorce_men sub, but I welcome this post and I think the sidebar includes plenty of useful information for anyone going through divorce. If your post is truthful, your husband sounds like a real piece of shit. Considering the challenges facing the majority of our subscribers, I think I speak for most of us when I say we'll be happy to help send him packing with little more than the shirt on his back. The car is an asset; credit cards are only a liability. Don't take the cr…
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/19 03:55 PM
1

Was conned into marrying an asexual sociopath who convinced me she couldn't conceive. Bam - honeymoon baby. 6 awful years with the most godawful, wretched piece of shit I've ever had the misfortune to know, much less cohabitate with.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/19 03:46 PM
1

No. Sounds like a mess. also what state / country? Read the sidebar. You have to go for 100% custody to end up with 50/50. Make no concessions.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/19 03:44 PM
1

This is part of the mindgame lawyers want you to play in the runup to divorce. All this shit is what people imagine will end up at a trial. That's where evidence is weighed and judged. In reality, 90% of divorces end in settlement. One or both sides concede and a judge never sees any evidence of anything. Relax. Everything she's "collecting" is for the psychological hit job of divorce. Read the sidebar. Like much in life, nobody cares as much as you do. Give up nothing. Do NOT go into divorce ma…
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/19 03:43 PM
1

You will be fine. You should be talking to a therapist; find one that you really click with because it's going to be a years long relationship. You have to move forward with future you in mind. It's easy to fall victim to guilt and "not wanting to be an asshole" in the divorce. Rejoice; you are both assholes. Nothing you can do about it, so move forward as the least poor asshole you can be at the end of this ordeal.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/19 03:36 PM
1

Need your location but there is very little chance there will be alimony. Regardless, don't agree to anything she or her lawyer write up or talk about. Hide your assets before they have to be revealed in discovery. Read the sidebar, it's all there. Once the "D" word is spoken, she's your enemy. You can't keep lawyers out of it for long, but you can cover your ass and shield your assets from the one-sided legal theater called divorce court. Hide your assets. Not in a bank or a safe deposit box; p…
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/19 03:33 PM
2

Stop paying her bills. Stop feeling guilty. Do ONLY what you're required to do as ordered by a judge. Guilt is the first step to you letting yourself lose every battle in advance. Do not pay her bills. This is the typical giving an inch / she takes a mile situation. Eventually she'll want and expect more. At 17, your son is old enough to come around on his own. And don't extend yourself to pay for things for the kids if she has full custody. That's what child support bought her: your absence fro…
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/19 03:27 PM
1

It's not 'wrong' but you should absolutely not feel badly for her. Marriage is a 100/100 proposition. You both decided it was a failed arrangement, and that's ok. You've both agreed to move on. The decision to live in the house is her choice. Pitying her for any hardships would be demeaning and infantilizing. Do not extend yourself to support her anymore; she's not your responsibility and her personal life is not your business. Keep those in mind and free up your thoughts so you can be the best …
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/19 03:21 PM
1

My advice, having been there: Enjoy being alone for a while. Don't spend time on the internet, you'll quickly find yourself falling into rage or self-pity when you fill your hours finding "relevant" information for you. Concentrate on you. Gym, hobbies, personal financial planning, church, reconnect with friends or family you haven't spent quality time with. After a while you'll appreciate how much better solitude is than being with someone who is wrong for you. Believe me, someone will simply m…
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/19 03:10 PM
3

If she makes more money than you do, she'll be paying you spousal support. Shouldn't matter why or how you don't have income. Don't try to be a good guy. Divorce is war and she's your enemy now. Don't worry about your credit. It's going to tank. You have to let those cards fall where they may. You can start recovering once the divorce is complete. Lawyer up and START by demanding full custody and spousal support. Don't try to be a good guy. She's your enemy. Start treating her as one.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/19 04:26 AM
2

You got off easy. Imagine if one or both of you was a vindictive, passive-aggressive cunt. You'd never reach the emotional hurt because once the anxiety and panic attacks subside, the PTSD takes over. If only all of them went this easy.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/19 03:16 PM
1

Read the sidebar. It's all there.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/19 07:51 PM
3

Her parents are 100% wrong. Her bills aren't your responsibility. Don't pay her medical bills. They can't go into collection and won't end up on your credit report, even if they are valid, even if you receive "intent to collect" from official-looking collectors. Just let them pile up. Do not pay them. Anything addressed to your STBX goes in a box and gets sent to her at the end of the month. Do not pay her bills unless a judge ordered you to. None of it. Don't give her money. Don't pay any of he…
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/19 07:47 PM
1

Have kids? Which state?
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/19 08:14 PM
2

First, you are a great dad and you were the best man she'll ever have. You have to take care of yourself. In this order: get therapy, go to the gym, don't drink, and be sure to spend quality time with your kids. But I'm going to be blunt, and I wish someone told me what I'm about to share with you. Your wife is an addict. She has a frail character and a history of really bad life choices. Acknowledging her mistakes and faults is great for her - but if you accept her apologies and take her back, …
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/19 08:11 PM
1

Please find a therapist, you absolutely need to sort some things out for yourself. It would help if your wife can go to couple's counseling, there are ways to alleviate the stress and burden of divorce if the two of you are receptive to therapy.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/19 07:50 PM
1

Yep she's definitely staging this. mine did too. Check requirements for separation in your state and recording laws.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/19 04:55 PM
1

You're midlife. You need a spark to stay interested in life and your family. You don't want to not be married. What you'll find is that you are midlife with no identity and now... no family. You need a little time for yourself. Therapy is the first step - solo and with your wife. You're going to learn to put your foot down, how to laugh at yourself, and how to assert yourself in life and in your marriage. Please get some therapy for yourself before moving toward separation.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/19 04:54 PM
1

OP's ex could file a plenary designed to derail and delay the divorce. Filing and following through is the only way for OP to get and maintain control of this situation. He has to follow through.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/19 04:50 PM
1

You have to follow through. Get divorced. Then never get married again. Don't ever enter a relationship you can't walk away from.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/19 04:47 PM
1

Removed faggot reply to this thread. To reiterate, this sub is for sober discourse and reasonable (hopefully knowledgeable) advice for men navigating their way through divorce. If you're going to be a faggot you're going to get the banhammer.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/19 04:46 PM
1

Yes. Definitely need a lawyer for that paperwork though. And no luck if you're not talking $10k+ of equity, the lawyer would churn through that in the retainer alone. Also, capital improvements.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/19 04:44 PM
1

Stop giving her your money. If you can, isolate any liquid finances (as they're marital property, they 100% belong to both of you). Theres nothing any court can do if you do it before one of you files.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/19 03:33 PM
2

If she has a lawyer you should too. I've never heard of a couple having a mediator and one party having a lawyer. In any case, you should have received a copy when they were written. And again when they were signed and approved by a judge. You can pick up a copy of any official documents from county clerk in most cases.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/19 01:20 AM
1

Read sidebar. If your divorce is complete, you already have parenting time, child support and extracurricular stuff sorted out. Medical, religious and educational decisions have to be laid out before a judge will sign a divorce when kids are involved. Your additional time with your kids should be implicit. Don't bother with urine tests. Nobody will care and it's a red herring. Alcoholism is not a crime. Being drunk is not a crime. The court doesn't care and the lawyers couldn't do anything if th…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/18 03:28 PM
13

He can still sue for malicious prosecution and he can sue the lying shitbag in civil court. He would win and her name would be made public. If his lawyer doesn't pursue these, he's a complete dumbass.
/r/MensRights16/11/18 04:28 PM
1

OP may be giving up a TON of money he's entitled to, in addition to child support and the STBX's financials. This will burn OP for years. Marital property has to be divided, it's not like a car accident where you take what looks like a reasonable offer. Her lawyer is helping her hide income and assets he's entitled to.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/18 06:49 PM
2

You have to do discovery. She's hiding money or income. Child support and maintenance is not gendered. It's to provide both partners and children an equivalent quality of living. Men rarely receive this opportunity. Take what you can get.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/18 06:47 PM
1

Read the sidebar. There is no "good time" to divorce. Unfortunately, if you don't have residential custody you're going to be on the hook for child support and incidentals. That's 15% of your gross pay taken out of your net. Staying together until the kid is old enough to declare emancipation would be a good plan for you. Emancipated kids typically can't be dependents and so you won't pay child support. There is a clause in separation / divorce papers that says CP ends when child enters military…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/18 06:45 PM
1

This is an awesome question. I forgot our anniversary every year except the first one. We both forgot the second anniversary until a week later. I hated her from the moment we stepped on the plane for the flight back from our wedding/honeymoon, and she only wanted a marriage of convenience. We've been separated for 4 1/2 years, divorced for almost a year, and I have never remembered our anniversary since.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/18 06:40 PM
1

Best thing is to not engage. If you're separated, respond to her next text with "stop texting me unless it regards the children, thank you". If she texts you again, get 1) a police report and 2) restraining order. When she violates the TRO, she gets arrested. Follow through.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/18 12:59 PM
2

Thread locked for visibility, faggot has been banned.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/18 01:23 PM
3

She can threaten anything. She can even sue for anything. Doesn't mean much. As her father, and in the absence of a court order saying otherwise, you can leave the state / county / country with your daughter. You're 100% her parent. Cops will laugh at your wife if she calls them. She may not even get that far; the 911 dispatcher will just send a unit to take a report and shrug. Stay cool.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/18 02:01 PM
2

Man, your STBX is a fucking demented cunt asshole. She's the reason divorces could be an easy parting-of-ways of two people of differing philosophies... BUT instead, it's a circus of feckless attorneys facilitating the bizarre demands of mentally retarded adult children. Remember, divorce is expensive because it's worth it. I'm going to drink an entire bottle of Beam in your honor when you finally get that signed divorce order.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/18 10:22 PM
2

State / country / debt / student loans / own or rent / children & age / potential for mediation / reason for divorcing?
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/18 09:05 PM
8

No mention of policies supporting gender equity when it comes to suicide, workplace injuries, military deaths or incarceration.
/r/MensRights14/09/18 03:34 PM
6

Not really. They're her kids too. If the pictures aren't illegal there's nothing you can do. My ex tried making a stink about this but she phrased it as "strangers posting pictures of underage kids on internet sites". It was my new girlfriend, years after our separation, posting our Christmas photos in NYC on Facebook. Cops laughed at her, court laughed at her, lawyers laughed at her. Best approach is to delete your Facebook account altogether. Social media is poison. Out of sight out of mind.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/18 10:51 PM
1

Thanks /u/NBDad. As I'm in the states, I'm not familiar with the terminology. There's a lot of this going on in recent posts regarding child support and supplementary expenses, especially when school starts (school expenses like books are part of child support so you do not pay any portion of these) your ex wife being too lazy or disorganized to buy, prepare and pack food for kids' lunch does not make you responsible for paying any portion of school lunches. Again, child support pays for food. k…
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/18 08:30 PM
3

Get on the offensive. Don't let her tell you what she'll allow. If you give her an inch she'll take a mile and every court in the union is there to help her. Infidelity counts for nothing in divorce. Pick your head up and don't stop fighting her until you get what you want. This is not a time to play meek.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/18 08:25 PM
1

Congratulations. Can't wait to see you on the other side of the finish line!
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/18 08:23 PM
3

Hopefully your stbx is on the same page as you are regarding what to tell the kids. I don't know your backstory so the finer points are going to require a lot more creativity. /u/mJ868838 covered the broad points though.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/18 08:21 PM
2

It's one thing to parade around with a new girlfriend. There are no written rules and certainly no laws against it. Myself, any number of months would have been fine. Everyone hated my STBX and anyone who mattered happily welcomed my new gf. But you and your friend had the same friends with his wife for 10 years and the women in your circle aren't going to welcome her. She's going to know she's unwelcome. Your friend is going to absorb the fallout. If your friend has a spine, he'll listen to you…
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/18 07:37 PM
7

No. The counterattack has to be dramatic and horrifying. There is no honor and no reward for decency in divorce. You have to play the dirty game.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/18 01:15 AM
1

Yeah but #takeajokeguys Fuck off, cunt.
/r/MensRights07/09/18 09:09 PM
6

She has nothing. The papers are from a lawyer and you're under no obligation to even acknowledge its contents. NONE. Lawyer up and go fucking overboard savage. Accuse her of drug use, violence, prostitution, suicide attempts and sexual abuse of your child. Empty the accounts, sell everything and give the cash to a friend you trust. Get her off your credit cards. You have to tilt this back in your favor. Do not talk to police or lawyers for any reason. NOT ANY REASON. Read sidebar. DO NOT PLAY TH…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/18 08:49 PM
2

No contact. Don't respond.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/18 07:25 PM
2

Food and clothing and school supplies are what you're paying child support for. Don't respond. The judge will tell her to fuck herself.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/18 07:24 PM
3

They don't even pretend the article isn't presented in a women-first context -- these aren't vertical or charts shown alphabetically, they begin by showing which fields are female-dominant in descending order. As usual, men are at the end and at the bottom.
/r/MensRights30/08/18 07:11 PM
1

Unless she paid for capital improvements or you put her on the deed, she has no claim to the house. It's not a marital asset. Edit: As she's already asking for shit she's not entitled to, I hope you've emptied the accounts and changed your card numbers. She's not going to like it when she learns she'll be walking away empty handed. You're at war now. Hide your shit, lawyer up and don't communicate with her directly until the divorce is done.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/18 02:50 PM
2

Approved and upvoted. This is in the sidebar. If you are lucky enough to have an honest STBX genuinely interested in mediation, lucky you. But the moment an unexpected separation agreement lands in your lap, you are at war. Your STBX is your enemy. That is why they're called adversary in legal documents. By definition they are your enemy and what they want regarding custody, division of assets, and a portion of your income / retirement / investments is opposed to what you want. Prepare early, pr…
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/18 02:49 PM
2

He has to play this carefully. 1) Empty the accounts and get her name off his cards / change the account numbers. This way she can't financially sabotage him during separation. 2) Hide, sell or 'disappear' any assets worth money. Judges, cops and lawyers can't do anything about assets they don't know about or can't find. Don't let lawyers threaten or scare him; lawyers can't do shit except intimidate. 3) Lawyer up and serve her with a viciously one-sided separation agreement wherein he gets full…
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/18 02:00 PM
2

You may not know what mediation does. Mediation is done for and between the concerned parties when you both agree to the majority of terms in a divorce. Without both parties there, she has a 'consultation with an attorney', not an appointment with a mediator. What your STBX did is what my BPD ex did. Agreed to mediate, then served me separation papers from her privately retained attorney. It's a hedging / stalling tactic to keep you docile ("see? I'm being cooperative") and put you on the defens…
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/18 04:38 PM
2

Not after 2 years. Annulment only takes care of the religious part of marriage. Maybe if he did something the same month he discovered she lied he'd have a chance at summary dissolution. He's all in now. If he cares about his kids, he is going to have a hell of a time fighting for custody. And he won't get it if he's living in a truck and she has a home and family. What he should do is read the sidebar. Don't pay her bills god dammit, don't sign anything, don't agree to anything. If she has a su…
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/18 04:31 PM
2

OK this makes a lot more sense. If you both are on board with this, spell out the benefits to her. Gently and kindly suggest a mediator to help you navigate your divorce, that you want summary divorce without discovery or trial. I've heard a lot of older couples have to do this to qualify for state aid, to avoid taxes, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/18 04:22 PM
2

Once the D-word is spoken, you will be at war. Unspoken understandings, verbal agreements, historical behavior count for nothing. Please read the sidebar and take precautions.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/18 04:20 PM
11

As if any one of these oppression-appropriating SJWs has ever known anyone who has experienced FGM. I'll bet they do know hundreds or thousands of men who were mutilated as infants without their consent.
/r/MensRights29/08/18 04:19 PM
1

If the card is in her name, stop paying her. It's not your debt :) As for the rest, that chapter is closed... you're free to move on!
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/18 05:09 PM
1

are you paying support to her?
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/18 10:52 PM
–

I'll allow it... but please keep memes / jokes / humor to the major subs.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/18 08:44 PM
–

Post is locked. OP hasn't read the sidebar, wife is posting in the same thread and we cannot help with little more than a vague 4 sentence complaint. Good luck to both of you.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/18 08:43 PM
3

Why are you giving her money? She has a support network. She disappeared with your kid, you don't pay her. You get the police to bring your family back.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/18 08:39 PM
2

Holy shit. Your wife may be borderline. I know because I lived this exact scenario nightly for 6 years. You better be planning for a surprise divorce papers. With three teenagers, why the hell can't she work? Why is she smoking with a 2 year old at home? Why aren't you allowed to drink? This is the shit my ex did. She rapidly descended into insanity and served me separation papers while we were in therapy and working things out. The divorce didn't go so smooth and she weaponized the children whe…
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/18 08:37 PM
5

Guilty for waiting so long, maybe. You better put a wall between you and your ex. She's a shitbag. Divorce is done, you are back on your feet. You win. Take this and gloat. Your new life is your real life. Never go back.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/18 08:26 PM
4

Yep, stop paying. If and when you divorce, sue her for support as you had to move out and no longer can afford the lifestyle you two had while you were together. That is the purpose of spousal maintenance. Do not verbally agree to anything with her. Do not sign anything until you're represented. If she's making more than you are, then YOU FILE FIRST and make sure your lawyer makes her pay your legal fees. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/18 08:23 PM
5

Let her buy you out, don't break up matching sets. If she is intent on taking half of whatever, who cares? She'll be gone.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/18 12:54 AM
101

Friend of mine got hit with surprise divorce papers. His lying, cheating, antisocial, lazy deadbeat asshole of a wife wanted the proceeds from the sale of the house, and promised she'd leave his 401k alone. No alimony, no splitting debts. His lawyer told him to take the deal and avoid trial. He happily took the deal. His retirement is about 1/2 mil. He can semi-retire in 7 or 8 years. She tried to put the house up for sale for 650k, not considering (or not caring) that it's worth 450k and they o…
/r/MensRights25/08/18 06:49 PM
3

She is hedging and scheming. Obviously your divorce is imminent. You have to get ahead of this. You have to take initiative and start protecting your assets. Read the sidebar, I stand by every word of it. Make sure your lawyer is telling you facts not 'preferences', law and not 'tradition' when the two of you talk about what you are allowed and expected to do. As her parenting is minimal and she doesn't even contribute to the household, be prepared to hire a nanny or other caregiver. When you fi…
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/18 09:52 PM
5

It reads too much like the fake dramatizations that pollute /r/TwoX and the other feminist subs. I really don't want to sit by and watch this sub turn into a guy's version of that shithole. There's no believable reason OP couldn't name the school instead of cherry picking the most liberal course in a liberal state, concocting a couple of hyperfascist villains and spontaneously writing up this post as a 'new redditor'. You're being taken for a ride. OP is karma farming.
/r/MensRights20/08/18 09:17 PM
2

Kids? What state / country? Were you served with separation papers?
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/18 06:42 PM
5

Unless OP can provide the name of the university and some evidence of a hard requirement for gender studies in a STEM school, I'm calling troll.
/r/MensRights20/08/18 05:24 PM
1

Stand down, this is a troll post.
/r/MensRights20/08/18 05:21 PM
4

Edit: And who the fuck gilded this whore? Guys, please read this post out loud to yourselves. Consider the age OP is claiming to be. Consider the depth of life experiences of someone [his] age. Consider the terms, the phrasing, the inclusion of details, but more importantly the details OP has left out. Consider that OP abandoned this post inside of four hours. This is a shit post and this sub should be fucking ashamed to let trolls 1) infect this subreddit and 2) dilute this subreddit with this …
/r/MensRights20/08/18 05:20 PM
8

You. Vasectomy. Yesterday. Then do what you want. If you sleep with her, it will get stale real fast. Nothing teaches you how to detach from someone like sleeping with them after your relationship disintegrated.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/18 03:26 PM
2

Separation agreement is a civil contract but it's just that - a civil contract, not a court order. It's shit. Go to family court and file an injunction against your ex. This will keep her from leaving the county or playing games with your parenting time. NY is a one-party state. You should be recording every interaction with your ex. If she tries to blackmail you, bring this to family court and the precinct. You should get results. Call the police nightly to perform wellness checks on your daugh…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/18 03:45 PM
2

If you're shooting for summary dissolution it looks like you fit the requirements http://www.courts.ca.gov/1241.htm It would be laughable to try to distribute student debt unless you gained something from it (this is "enhanced income potential" in my state). You're still in college. It looks like she couldn't try to pawn this shit on you even if you didn't opt for summary.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/18 03:39 PM
1

Separation agreement is where you can make deals and compromises then. Propose that she keeps her debt, you keep yours. She keeps her retirement accounts, you keep yours. If it's worded correctly, she signs it, and the judge signs off on it, you're set.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/18 12:25 PM
1

Not offshore, just stash it somewhere. You can't hide retirement accounts or bank accounts from the judge, especially when you go to discovery. But cash in a safe in someone else's basement is not discoverable. Sometimes a crazy spouse will blow all the money on drugs or partying or gambling. Its just gone and you'll have no recourse. The judge can't do anything about that either. Don't let your stbx make the first move here.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/18 12:57 PM
1

You don't have to live it down, you can just laugh your way back into bachelorhood. I heavily recommend getting a family court restraining order against your ex. It sounds like she would immediately violate it, which would land her in jail and immediately grant you a permanent criminal RO against her. This will make your life real easy going forward.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/18 07:20 PM
1

She. Is. A. Fucking. Lunatic. She's also trying to provoke you in her final hours. So keep your cool. She sounds so much like my ex it's creepy. Right down to the imagined scenario of that 'gotcha' moment in court that will never happen. The cringey quasi-moral superiority of telling you what normal husbands do, as if she were the moral compass for the family. The delusion of trying to belittle you by calling you a boy, using the diminutive to describe your friends and family. Been there, done t…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/18 07:04 PM
2

Separation agreements and divorce agreements are civil contracts. They're fluid and negotiable. Start emptying the accounts and locking down your cards before either of you is served. Make sure there's no cash anywhere for her to grab and she's left high and dry by her own plans. Move fast and move quietly, lawyer up once your accounts are empty.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/18 06:55 PM
1

If she's already threatened anything you better file for a TRO. You don't have to talk to lawyers and you don't have to sign what she puts in front of you. You don't have to accept her terms. Don't sign a separation agreement, don't sign ANYTHING until you're represented.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/18 06:50 PM
3

You still want a lawyer to properly file the paperwork. This lawyer is a mediator. Get everything in writing.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/18 10:26 PM
5

As the mod of this sub and as a guy who just paid $60k to divorce a volatile asshole like this -- Here's some reality: You don't have to hide your girlfriend. You don't have to sneak around or lie about her. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone. You don't have to pick friends; the ones who pick you are your real friends (they can pick your stbx too). Here's some relief: Your attorneys don't care that you have a girlfriend; no-fault is the rule across the nation. Your parents don't care, …
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/18 06:57 PM
13

Few things more satisfying than watching the sudden cold realization that you can't treat people like that... without getting an open palm across your ugly entitled face.
/r/PussyPassDenied10/08/18 04:27 PM
2

LOL you don't need permission if you tell her you're recording - even though MA has the most shit recording laws https://www.masslive.com/news/index.ssf/2014/06/massachusetts_wiretap_law_expl.html The only restriction is 'secret' recording an audio recorder held in plain sight or acknowledged is enough to clear up any secrecy questions. There's absolutely nothing she can record and do any damage with. Sit back and enjoy the circus. You're in the home stretch.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/18 04:23 PM
1

This is fucking hilarious. I live for these updates. Your STBX is toxic, but she's a comedic version of my violent sociopathic ex. I'm glad you're getting out. I stop by to clean pool Stop cleaning the pool for her. Clean the pool before when she's gone or when you show the house to prospective buyers! has now hidden laundry detergent and bleach Bring your own and then throw the breaker to both machines when you're done. Extra points if you remove the breaker from the box. Joke's on her, no dama…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/18 02:18 PM
1

Nobody can afford a retainer. Nobody wants to pay to get out of a bad decision. And that one retainer is never enough to get the job actually done. If you can find a pro bono attorney, do that. If you and the STBX agree on terms, file yourselves and save all the money (you still have to pay the form fees, but it's a minute fraction of lawyer fees)
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/18 01:45 PM
2

I want to move out, leave her the house and pay more than what any court can order me to pay. Please don't enter divorce thinking this way. That's for the state and the judge to decide. Discretionary additional spending is up to you.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/18 05:46 PM
2

Not implying that at all. I'm the sole mod in this sub. I'm trying to take this sub in a different direction than the other divorce subs. In recent days posters have pointed out (here and in the other sub) that all the advice seems to be leave, leave leave with no consideration for what the better course of action may be. Of course there are posts where the best and only advice is to GTFO. You definitely shouldn't 'suck it up' if you're unhappy. What I noticed in your post, though, is that you a…
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/18 05:44 PM
1

Ignore her. Her bills are her bills. The separation agreement will outline the division of finances. If the mortgage and deed are in her name, you're in the clear. Her bankruptcy would be her choice -- you know, she could downsize and tighten her belt instead of filing bankruptcy. However-- no matter who files, you have a partial claim to your marital home. Keep that in mind. Bankruptcy is a way to clear your financial slate due to unmanageable obligations and liabilities. Debts that are settled…
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/18 03:14 PM
5

This is not a pro-divorce sub, and your post is why. Do not move out. Your regret is keeping you in check before you fuck up your life forever. I can't tell what state you're in, how old you are, how old your wife is, how old the kids are, what your financial situation is. But leaving your family is going to make everything 10 levels of hell worse than the life you have now. If therapy isn't helping then you need different therapy (are you in couple's or one on one?) In any case, 11 years of mar…
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/18 01:34 PM
3

OP why do you think divorcing will help your financial situation?
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/18 01:21 PM
4

I'm sorry for your situation - but your brothers on this sub would kill for a setup like you have. My ex is a shitbag too. But danger is the deciding factor. It's not enough that my kids are better off with me. I have a better house, better property and I make more money. And I was never hospitalized twice for attempted suicide. If I could have escaped divorce paying no deadbeat-vagina-owner-subsidy and only 8.5% in child support I would have taken that and ran.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/18 09:58 PM
10

Shouldn't be your concern and it won't have an effect on child support. It won't matter to the judge either. If she can support your child and has a stable enough home life, get the divorce done on the terms you already laid out. Don't make any noise and don't entertain the idea of rewriting the agreement. You have a very desirable agreement in place. If you have to amend custody arrangements, there has to be a compelling reason to take custody from her, it isn't enough that the child might be b…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/18 09:31 PM
7

Curious how divorcing will help your financial situation. Early withdrawals from retirement accounts are taxed because you're not retirement age, not because you're married - do you save tax money when you're single? Or do they take gross household income into consideration? Any growth in that fund while you've been married is likely a marital asset so it's on the table if you divorce. As for the cars - what does "in her name" mean? If it's registered or insured in her name, that doesn't mean an…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/18 03:14 PM
2

You and your lawyer are doing the right thing. Separation papers have a no-spend clause, she's on the hook for everything outside of normal expenses. Sit tight.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/18 02:59 PM
2

Believe it or not, few divorces end up in trial. Judges don't care. Even if it did, there's no real grounds for the judge to adjust their decision one way or the other. It's your joint accounts. What if your ex blew it all on gambling or drugs?
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/18 11:35 PM
1

Sure is. Both of you have 100% rights to it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/18 09:04 PM
2

You're going to want to walk away as quietly as you can. Don't argue a couple thousand dollars. Your last big expense is going to be a lawyer. If you can mediate, opt for that. It will save you a shit ton of money and the terms will be just as binding. But I'm not sure she's going to agree to it since she's a shitbag and stands to lose more than you do. 3 years is a really short marriage. Congratulations for getting out early. You won't pay much in deadbeat-lazy-bitch-subsidy if any. Don't agree…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/18 06:26 PM
2

What the fuck was the point of the article if they won't name the perps? What "legal reasons" prevent a journalist from finding and publishing that information?
/r/MensRights03/08/18 04:27 PM
1

TBH that's not high debt at all. That's not even one lawyer retainer. However, Cards only in her name before marriage = her debt. If you have any joint accounts, they belong to the marriage. Stop paying her anything. Do not cancel your accounts (this is bad for credit), but do change the account numbers. Make sure she's not on any of your accounts. Move your cash elsewhere. Empty the joint accounts too, that cash is 100% yours and 100% hers. What do you think she would do when she finds out you …
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/18 03:43 PM
2

Yes, this is normal. Attorneys are an economy, a marketplace. Your attorney is giving you shit advice when you need police intervention. You have to file police reports and get a restraining order against her. Do not leave the precinct until there is a warrant for her arrest for domestic violence. Do not leave the courthouse without an active restraining order. Then talk to your lawyer about whatever the fuck they want to eat up your retainer with. File the police report.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/18 06:52 PM
1

If there is no separation agreement in place stating that you have to move out of the house, move back in. I'm 99% sure the order of protection was bulshit like it is 99% of the time. Lawyer up, if she makes more than you the lawyer will put it in writing that she has to pay your legal fees. She initiated the separation, she makes more than you do, she's going to be on the hook for a majority of the legal fees. Read the sidebar. Empty any joint accounts, change the numbers on all of your account…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/18 01:35 AM
3

Approved.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/18 01:32 AM
2

Read sidebar. Change the locks, change your card numbers, empty the accounts. Change the beneficiaries and next of kin on your policies. You're in better shape than many of us (no kids, no house). Find some solace knowing that once you move on, you're not tethered by bullshit legal obligations because of kids and a mortgage. Godspeed. Don't forget to update as things progress.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/18 04:12 PM
1

PS feel free to remove the contents of the house along with the roof, absent any court order barring it. It's your house.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/18 02:28 PM
2

You. Lawyer. Today. You and your wife cannot coexist and you are not going to be able to co-parent. Don't pay anything you're not obligated to. If there's child support order, pay that amount and nothing more. If there's maintenance agreed upon, pay that and nothing more. If you don't agree to third party child care, don't pay it. If the car is yours, take it back. If the insurance is in your name, take her off it (in many states she won't be allowed to drive the car). Report the car stolen if y…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/18 02:26 PM
3

regarding their home and their assets which my wife was trying for and for which the judge took off the table I knew it. Telling me that the judge saw right through my testimony She's projecting. Ignore this; it's a cheap and really cringey mind game that sociopaths play. Your wife has no consensus for what she wants, her character and personality are replaced by ego and that is what you are fighting. Telling me that the judge said in private consult with the attorneys that I will pay all her le…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/18 02:13 PM
1

Don't sweat your credit cards. Don't pay them either. They are marital liabilities. She will have to pay most of them since she's the bread winner and you are the caretaker.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/18 11:50 PM
1

She is baiting you into fights. Her immediate recourse is simply call the police and have you physically removed from the house. This is an amazingly popular scumbag move by sociopathic wives who just want their husbands out of the house. This is what your wife sounds like. She can easily get the restraining order just for the asking. When she does, it will be all downhill for you. Get one first. You can get a restraining order first But be sure to do it quietly. Don't let her know you were call…
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/18 11:48 PM
1

PS starting a new business is not a good idea. It will be a marital asset. Your cash and any liquid assets have to be disappeared.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/18 11:41 PM
1

You're already starting to make the mistake men in divorce make: thinking you need to be fair going into it. Its part of a bizarre societal teaching that expects men to prostrate themselves and give women the advantage in competition. This is not kickball. The field is already dramatically tilted in her favor. You do not need to be fair. You want to do everything you can to put her on her heels and to win everything you can for yourself and for your kids. Because in divorce you aren't competitiv…
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/18 11:40 PM
3

She's baiting you. Get a restraining order and file for full custody. Hire an attorney, and don't worry about paying since you are not the breadwinner of the family. She will have to pay your attorney. The courts show strong preference for the party providing childcare. You're going to get majority custody along with spousal support. Take your situation, reverse the genders, then go to the generic divorce subreddit. You'll find your answers.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/18 09:07 PM
1

My ex did what yours is doing now. "Exaggerated sexuality" happened exactly 4 months before everything went nuclear. Enjoy it, because it may be the final sign of the apocalypse. It's also a good indicator that she's absolutely not cheating, she'd be keeping that for her side piece if she had one. She's nervous and scared and taking advantage of what is probably her last fuck for a few months / years. I had a side business she knew very little about and got paid almost entirely in cash. I had ma…
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/18 08:27 PM
2

Do Not Leave You can ignore the other sub. You're going to get shitty advice there because that sub is pretty much a shitty extension of relationship_advice. Read sidebar. She's virtue signaling, fight-baiting and projecting. She's engineering your divorce and mentally planning an exit. You can't stop it. Best guess is she has a handful of divorced friends she chats with on facebook. You cannot help her. You are not her love or her life partner anymore; you're a wallet. And now you're a wallet t…
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/18 06:49 PM
1

Get an attorney. Stop paying any bills that aren't yours exclusively. Empty your personal and joint accounts before separation is filed. Please read sidebar. You have nothing to lose if you empty the accounts first. Her lawyer will tell you to put the money back, but it's an empty threat tactic. Change all your account numbers. Stop paying your credit cards. It looks like the divorce will wipe you out anyway. Change the locks on the doors. Initiate divorce. Have her served. Get a restraining ord…
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/18 05:53 PM
1

Therapy isn't going to help you two if she's an alcoholic. She needs therapy first. Then the couple can get therapy. You cannot counsel a couple where one party has a chemical dependency. If she won't go to detox then she's a danger to the family. Get a restraining order against her for you and your son. Ask the court to mandate substance abuse treatment for her. DO. NOT. MOVE. OUT. Please read sidebar.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/18 05:50 PM
1

a divorcing spouse has no right to inheritance as long as that money was never commingled or I never contributed to the buying or upkeep of my parents home I was close! Your STBX ain't getting shit out of that house. Even if she did, it would be proportional to half of the shared financial investment (marital money, now split in half because it's what she would have contributed) as a percentage of the increase in the value of the home. The cost of the paperwork would overshoot any financial gain…
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/18 05:47 PM
4

Get a restraining order against her. Your lawyer should be able to draw one up really quick. She's not allowed to use video or audio recording, cannot threaten, harass, assault or intimidate you. She cannot communicate with you via any medium except email. It's simple, and she'd look like a complete fucking cunt for not agreeing to it. If she violates it, you get a bonus criminal restraining order against her. Please do it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/18 05:43 PM
2

The research also found that men were slightly worse off than women when it came to household disposable income. But the Institute's study is yet to identify why that is. HOW ABOUT BECAUSE MEN LOSE THEIR FUCKING HOMES AND HAVE TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT AND ALIMONY AND A MAJORITY OF INCIDENTALS FOR THE KIDS. CHILD SUPPORT IS CALCULATED FROM GROSS AND TAKEN OUT OF NET INCOME There, I think I "identified" it for you. Men gather their shit up, get the fuck back to work, and rebuild their lives. Women sit…
/r/MensRights26/07/18 05:36 PM
1

Please check your inbox
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/18 03:19 AM
1

Pleeeeaasseeee update
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/18 10:56 PM
1

If the details are explicit and the stip is executed, you'll be fine. I opened a corp and bought 2 new cars before divorce was completed with no issues. Best to take your lawyers advice though.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/18 10:08 PM
230

"They better kill him before the 22nd. That way I'll have insurance for life, a pension for life. My life will be all figured out. Mundo, do you know what I'm saying? He has worked hard all his life for his retirement. Well, now it's time for me to work hard on my retirement. This is my retirement, Mundo. His life is my retirement." What an entitled piece of shit.
/r/PussyPassDenied24/07/18 09:35 PM
3

The mediator is your attorney. And hers. The attorney will file the necessary paperwork with the courts on both your behalf. Because it isn't contested, you save a lot of time and money going back and forth between attorneys and the court. IIRC the details stay private too, as I believe there won't be court minutes. If you can use a mediator, do it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/18 08:06 PM
2

If she were to play any shenanigans with your 401k it would be a death sentence for her career. I wouldn't worry about that too much.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/18 07:14 PM
2

Mediation is when you already agree on everything. Mediator works for both of you. It costs a fraction of having individual lawyers for each of you. Do mediation.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/18 07:11 PM
2

Keep your head up and keep us updated.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/18 03:23 PM
2

So why won't the bio-dad sign? Why is this your problem? I'm suspicious of your ex's intent here. Check your state's laws or ask an attorney - to my knowledge you shouldn't have to sign anything. You weren't present for the birth and you weren't married when the child was born, which (again - I'm not entirely sure but) is the standard for determining parenthood for states with those types of laws. If the child is 100% not yours, you may still want to call your state's child support bureau to see…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/18 03:20 PM
1

If I haven't answered your question it's because you've conflated attempted murder with lies and sexual indiscretion. There's an overwhelming tendency in this sub to react to any slight as if it were a violent attack on one's person, deserving of disproportionate and endless retaliation. A marriage has layers of complexity because lives are combined. If OP did not have children I would tell him to get out. If his wife never entertained the possibility of therapy, I would tell him to get out. If …
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/18 11:36 PM
2

If OP and his wife regard marriage as warfare between themselves and the world, then they should be in therapy. Please read the rest of my reply. I may be a little older than most in this sub so I've seen a lot of premenopause and a lot of depression and a lot of midlife crises. People make mistakes and they grow apart, but the only solution isn't to just skip town. OP and his wife demonstrated the willingness and ability to work on it. If it's not working, they need to take a different approach…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/18 11:08 PM
1

I agree that airing his wife's indiscretions is a good idea. But he shouldn't leave. He has too much to lose. A single hookup isn't going to tip the scales of justice in his favor, OP is still going to lose everything he owns and his kids.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/18 09:18 PM
1

I read the previous post so I feel like I'm all caught up now. And this isn't going to be a popular opinion, but I think you should stay and fix it. If you're functioning and comfortable in life, and the two of you communicate even if it's screaming and yelling and blaming well, at least you're communicating. You can do therapy. Opening your marriage is not a good idea. Your wife already cheated and you are not taking it well. Do not entertain this idea. If you leave, you will very likely not ha…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/18 09:17 PM
1

Update please! (PM'd you)
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/18 01:50 PM
2

There's a bunch of good news for your 'friend' here. But we are not lawyers. He needs an attorney and he needs to read up on New Jersey Divorce Guidelines to know what he's entitled to and what is the maximum he's on the hook for. If his wife makes more than he does, even a little bit, he can sue her for attorney costs. That's the first step to making her agree to a fair, equitable proposal. Abandonment doesn't give custody to one parent or the other. Worst he'd end up with, barring drugs / inca…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/18 12:42 AM
1

Mod says it's OK to say 'asshole' in this sub.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/18 11:40 PM
2

;) Well pull them upvotes out of your pocket and subscribe. Your brothers need all the help we can get out here.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/18 11:38 PM
2

Thank you - it doesn't fit all scenarios, if OP were someone else I might tell him he's an asshole and his family is better off without him. And OP may be an asshole for what he did (I know I'd be pissed if I were his wife). But if he has what it takes to swallow his pride and step back into life with the honest intention of fixing what he broke, the world will be a better place for a small group of people in wherever-the-fuck-you're-from-OP. THAT is what I want this sub to be (read sidebar) - a…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/18 11:33 PM
1

Kids? State? Do you already have a separation agreement filed?
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/18 09:41 PM
1

Staying in the marriage costs you more than a piece of paper and the title of being married. She will end up being entitled to your social security, retirement, pension, and depending on your state, a bunch of other shit. You have to get the divorce done so you can continue with life. Keep calling and emailing the attorneys (both) and become a thorn in their sides. They may be helping her stall for one reason or another.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/18 07:46 PM
1

Marriage is better or worse. Don't walk away from your marriage because of money. Don't leave either. If you need therapy, get it. Then get into therapy with your wife. You can fix this, and show the kids that things can be fixed and people can change. Don't prostrate yourself and concede defeat in life because you fucked up. Everybody fucks up. You're going to fuck up your kids for life if you leave. I've got a shiny silver dollar that says no woman ever posted this to a divorce sub. You are no…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/18 07:43 PM
1

You got this. Keep calm and let the lawyers do their thing. I'll bet you a box of donuts her lawyer approaches yours with a timid settlement offer on trial day.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/18 07:37 PM
1

Removed, not because it's not a cool shirt, just not a topic for this sub.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/18 07:35 PM
4

Oh we're not that bad... ever tried commenting on a TwoX thread?
/r/MensRights18/07/18 12:32 AM
9

I get you. It may be the reduction of fatherhood to the detached sounding 'donor'. Go in and edit for clarity, but it's a shit policy and exceedingly anti-male so this sub isn't going to take well to an explanation. Explaining it is the first step to deadening men's reasoning, and the possibility of acceptance.
/r/MensRights17/07/18 11:46 PM
21

'Biological donor' ... I think you mean "the guy who fucked your wife and sentenced you to 21 years of economic slavery". Anyway, good luck on this sub.
/r/MensRights17/07/18 08:23 PM
1

Even if she requested it, do not move out. Do not sign any papers granting her exclusive residence in your home either. If there are children involved in the divorce is contested this will work against you. Demand a concession from her if she wants you to move out, then get that in writing. If she presents you with legal papers stating that you are to move out of your marital residence, do not sign them. In fact do not accept service either. You should have an attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/18 02:09 PM
1

Your state's guidelines regarding distribution of assets, spousal maintenance, child support as a percentage of your pre-tax income and child custody arrangement in a contested divorce. This should give you a really good idea as to your station in the eyes of the government when your adversary is a woman.
/r/MensRights12/07/18 08:15 PM
2

You have to counterfile. /u/Chiswicker is quite right, 'exclusive possession' doesn't distribute assets. Is there any clause requiring you to pay bills for that house? If not, it's time to turn on full spite mode. Turn off electric, water, cable, and maintenance. Stop paying the mortgage, empty the joint accounts (not half! EMPTY them!) and cancel your cards. All of them. Get her off your finances. If she doesn't have exclusive possession now, get in there and empty the house too. Take your clot…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/18 01:08 AM
2

She won't get full custody. It doesn't happen. Worst you will get is 50%. If you want to see your kids, take them whenever you have them. Men are not minority parents. Show up where they are and call the police. They've been kidnapped. She does not control the situation. You are letting her control the situation. Call the police and make them bring your kids home. Unless there is a separation agreement or a court order, your kids belong at their legal address. You have to file now. Empty the acc…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/18 12:54 AM
1

You have to cut her off NOW. Nothing can be verbal agreements. If she wants to separate, and agrees to only taking the savings account, you need that in writing. No matter what, you need to take ALL the money out of the joint account and put it into your own account. NOW. Separation papers will include an injunction clause that prevents either of you from doing anything with shared accounts or credit. If you don't empty the accounts, believe me... she will. If she abandoned you, the YOU file for…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/18 12:50 AM
1

If you can, take a Xanax before court. It helps. It really sucks to be blindsided by separation papers. We all know the feeling. It would help to know where you are / if you have kids / any assets to divide. Why don't you have an attorney?
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/18 12:43 AM
4

Everything behind you is sunk cost of marriage to a deadbeat. Look at your situation as of now, and plan a way forward. Can't tell if you're in the states but if you are, there is good news. You are the primary / sole parent. She's going to be paying you child support. If she hasn't signed the papers, they're probably dead (there is an expiration clause, isn't there?) If not, quickly draw up a new agreement. Separation is a civil contract; rewrite one that supersedes the previous agreement. In t…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/18 05:37 AM
10

Ah right. I meant "whatever invented combination of genitalia, sexual preference and vague concept of self is convenient for me to identify as this weeks preferred victim class".
/r/MensRights06/07/18 02:04 AM
2

The investigation also revealed women were prosecuted even when they reportedly went to police only under pressure, A lot of intentional vagueness and abstraction there. "Prosecuted", not convicted / jailed / punished? "Reportedly"? By whom? "Pressure"? Does that mean physically forced to file a report? Is it peer pressure? This isn't even a complete thought, it's a weasely non-statement. But yeah, you have to look at who's actually driving the bus. As Pinhead would say, "it is not hands that su…
/r/MensRights05/07/18 08:31 PM
8

This is correct
/r/MensRights05/07/18 08:20 PM
106

I'm on the other side of the pond, but maybe an attorney from GB could tell me if this is doable: The very first man to be jailed for any offense from which women are pre-emptively spared jail time should sue the state for unequal application of justice, gender discrimination, and malicious prosecution. They're building five new residential centers for this? That's what a jail is. It looks like someone's lining their pockets with contractor pounds. I thought my state was an out-of-control insane…
/r/MensRights05/07/18 08:19 PM
2

These are questions for a lawyer familiar with distribution in your state. Without a contract stating otherwise, property owned before marriage and improvements to that property are unlikely to be divisible. The equity is probably another story, so lazy me found a relevant link https://info.legalzoom.com/sweat-equity-divorce-cases-26776.html Keep in mind that divorce is a civil contract. The judge will use equitable distribution only if you two can't come to a decision yourselves. Yes, your STBX…
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/18 02:16 PM
1

It's up to you now to set a trajectory and lock it in. Your wife is not part of a healthy future for you. Godspeed.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/18 11:14 PM
2

Hell, an allegation isn't even a charge. I can allege that the entire student body at Syracuse had sex with me but I don't remember it. By the university's own policy they have to expel the entire student body. Number of matriculated students drops to zero, the university has to shut its doors.
/r/PussyPassDenied04/07/18 02:20 PM
37

Holy shit, that article is a dumpster fire of innuendo, sexism and the same gender inequality bullshit they've been parroting for decades now Here's a good reason for women to work less, ask for a raise or get their partners to pick up around the house more Fuuuuuck Youuuuuu. and unclear why there is a gender difference in this risk, but it may involve what women do with their time off LOL. and "If you think about all the unpaid work they do on their off-hours, like household chores for example …
/r/MensRights03/07/18 09:06 PM
15

We can't have you mitigating the fury of this sub with things like facts /s He broke into the donut shop he was fired from and stabbed his former boss to death. He wasn't on trial for being gay. He was convicted of murder.
/r/MensRights03/07/18 08:54 PM
1

It's surprising because there was simply nothing to see. By this school's standards, I can have the entirety of the student body expelled and every member of the faculty relieved of their jobs by making a few phone calls and accusing each of forcible sexual contact.
/r/PussyPassDenied03/07/18 07:17 PM
1

District attorneys don't arrest people. DA decides if and how the prosecutor can proceed. Not shocking. It becomes shocking when women can simply call the police, point at a man and claim assault, and the police arrest the man when there is no reasonable suspicion which is the guideline for detainment.
/r/PussyPassDenied03/07/18 07:08 PM
2

Thanks for the clarification, commenter may not be from US where this happened.
/r/PussyPassDenied03/07/18 07:05 PM
0

^ /u/ckjbhsdmvbns 's alt account
/r/PussyPassDenied03/07/18 07:03 PM
1

^ /u/CraigslistAxeKiller 's alt account
/r/PussyPassDenied03/07/18 07:03 PM
2

Arresting Arresting Arresting Arresting men. The DA condones arrests. I'm not even talking about prosecuting. Arresting. Source: was taken into custody and not charged twice for fake DV accusations. Responding detectives dropped the DA's name and DA's campaign focus as reasoning for why they would take me into custody when there was no evidence of a crime and I was literally holding the evidence that my ex was lying (audio on my cell phone and two emails). The commissioner and the DA would not o…
/r/PussyPassDenied03/07/18 06:37 PM
6

I can't tell which country you're in but that isn't procedure in the US. Arresting someone is taking them into custody on suspicion of a crime, whether there is evidence of a crime or not. You don't always get charged with a crime when you're arrested, you can be released without charge or 'un-arrested'. This happens commonly for domestic violence accusations. Lots of arrests, maybe some indictments, lots of plea deals. As expected, men are disproportionately arrested for domestic violence even …
/r/PussyPassDenied03/07/18 04:49 PM
12

Found it, regrettably on Buzzfeed. The dude asked the school to stop the investigations and let it go. Edit: here it is on reddit, you may have trouble with the buzzfeed page https://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/4lz1de/this_woman_was_expelled_for_allegedly_sexually/
/r/PussyPassDenied03/07/18 04:22 PM
20

That's why I'm convinced she's acting and she knows she's acting. She's too far invested in the lie and the worst thing she can do for herself now is to back out. You know we used to readily call out people who imagined shit that never happened. They were simply labeled 'delusional' and 'kooks'. Tawana Brawley is the first that comes to mind. #metoo has thrown a life line to false accusers.
/r/PussyPassDenied03/07/18 03:23 PM
9

Thanks, I thought that was changed a couple years back but youre right. It won't be dischargable if intent can be proven.
/r/PussyPassDenied03/07/18 03:17 PM
85

Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty Zero tolerance happened. As there is no penalty for false reports and rape accusers are simply believed and supported, I wonder what would happen if a male student accuses a female student of drugging and raping him. Surely we'd see a comparably swift reaction by the university against the rapist in the absence of any evidence or even a lucid report of the incident /s
/r/PussyPassDenied03/07/18 02:51 PM
99

For extra facepalming insanity, read her facebook post. This woman has a dim future in creative writing. She's convinced that the only proof she needs to convince the world that Goldman raped her is that she says so. She can't preserve continuity and cohesion in her own story. From the top, she doesn't remember any assault, she concluded this on her own, in the absence of any proof. The rest plays out like a shitty TV drama: she says the rape detective "wasn't listening to her" when she told the…
/r/PussyPassDenied03/07/18 02:12 PM
1

So familiar. Mine stripped in the living room during an argument and screamed at me to fuck her pussy. After 8 months of withholding. Your wife may be having a mild breakdown. If you haven't emptied your joint accounts, do it. then change all your account numbers, get new credit card numbers and make sure she's not on them, and put yourself on credit lockdown. Do this before you file. Then file before she does. You have to move and you have to move fast. Your wife is your enemy; start acting acc…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/18 01:46 PM
1

Move out. She is dangerous and you aren't welcome in her presence. Probably borderline (we see a lot of that here) but definitely manic. Get the cops to wheel her away during a blowout. Make sure you call first and press charges first and don't let her know you're calling. Get a restraining order same day and change the locks. You have to take control. You are not a minor player and you're not a second class parent. Your wife is giving the impression of being in control because there are no chec…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/18 01:41 PM
1

Stop playing her game. You will lose.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/18 01:37 PM
36

To clarify: this is a civil suit, she's not being prosecuted. She can't take a plea deal with the DA because she was never charged criminally. If she recants, she risks being charged with filing false reports (eg Yovino). She's doubling down with her social media rants so that her only exposure is the civil case, which she will lose. If she can't pay she'll have to file bankruptcy. But she will lose the civil case because there is no evidence and she's continuing her campaign of character assass…
/r/PussyPassDenied03/07/18 01:30 PM
11

Civilians can't initiate criminal cases; that's done by the prosecutor and the DA. Civilians can only bring civil cases against other people.
/r/PussyPassDenied03/07/18 01:17 PM
352

A months-long investigation, which included a medical exam, rape kit and bloodwork within 26 hours of the incident, found no evidence Reddington was assaulted, drugged or even had a sexual encounter with Goldman, according to court papers and the District Attorney. That's kind of important. Historically, the DA wants convictions and will condone arresting men on the flimsiest of evidence. The DA pointing out that there is no evidence might be the only damning proof Mr. Goldman needs. Edit: holy …
/r/PussyPassDenied03/07/18 01:08 PM
1

I looked through the post history and I found it. This is all coming together now. This started a couple of years ago when she asked for a will. That's how the house plays into this. If you have a will, and she gets your shit, she gets 1/3 of your parents' house. I hope you do have a will and it specifically excludes her. Your wife has been engineering the divorce. She's projecting onto you when she says you "premeditated" this. If I had to guess, she seems a little borderline -- maybe reacts di…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/18 03:26 PM
1

Awesome. There is zero chance that she's entitled to jack shit regarding that house. Deed change doesn't concern her. She never had a claim or a legal interest to that house. I'm still trying to figure out how a motion was fabricated to make it a point in the divorce. You have to ask your lawyer why she was allowed to appraise your parents' home, to which she had no interest, and why her lawyer brought it up in court. The lawyers know that she has no interest in the house. If both your lawyers a…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/18 03:11 PM
1

What year were you married? If your name was on the deed before you were married, she legally has no interest or claim to the house. I'm just trying to figure out why the house came into play at all.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/18 02:27 PM
2

Said in her deposition that she took my name off joint account and would put it back on when I completed a will. That is coercion and it's illegal. Also, how would she go about removing you from joint accounts? That would be identity fraud at best. She's not entitled to your house unless she's on the deed. It sounds like you owned the house before you got married. Remove it from the list of distributable assets. Ignore what she says and what she says she wants or needs. What you are concerned wi…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/18 02:11 PM
2

Fuck her attorney and fuck her attorney's proposal. I don't believe that your wife is entitled to jack shit from your parents' home: it's a future inheritance. Inheritances are not distributable. Lawyers will put this shit into separation agreements knowing you will probably just accept a distribution out of guilt, or out of ignorance. That house is so far from a marital asset the judge will laugh at the suggestion she get paid for it. Legally she has no interest in it. Don't agree to giving her…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/18 02:03 PM
2

First of all, I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds like you were comfortable in life and everything was going well, until this. Your wife is a manipulative narcissist. You've heard of fair weather friends, but you have a fair-weather wife. After 16 years, you don't deserve to be her fallback plan. You have to end it. If there were children involved, or if you were younger, I'd say that you have to investigate possibilities of saving it or addressing her depression. But not here. It loo…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/18 01:45 PM
8

Send back a devastating offer that would leave her broke and living like a Calcutta street rat. Of course she wont accept it but you have to push back. What she's asking is not reasonable. She'll be much more receptive to good faith compromise right before trial begins.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/18 01:50 PM
2

This is really the only image you need to make an informed decision as to the potential veracity of any of Holmes' claims.
/r/PussyPassDenied27/06/18 03:17 AM
9

Looks like they padded the video to make it longer than 10 minutes. Seeing a lot of this lately as people don't understand YouTube's 'engagement' policy and the 10 minute threshold. Videos that repeat the same thing over and over, slow-motioning 2 full minutes of an inconsequential segment, tacking on garbage, or just adding 8 minutes of a logo at the end of a shitty video.
/r/PussyPassDenied27/06/18 02:40 AM
4

We're here to provide it. It's not unusual to be ignored or disregarded when you ask police or the court for help. You have to push harder than a woman would for the same protection. Same with CPS: there is a commonly accepted trope that designates men as the aggressors and women as the victims for 100% of all family offenses. Reality see it more of 50/50 and courts are starting to see this more every day. File the reports, keep them organized and document what you can. If you're interested in s…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/18 06:39 PM
4

Advocacy center told you that? That is shitty advice and absolutely not true. If your wife told them you were abusive 7 days ago, you can bet your ass police would be beating down your door within the hour. It's not optional. The court has to hear you. Do-nothing assholes will discourage you from taking advantage of your rights in family court. Sometimes you have to push these people kind of hard to make them help you. Don't go to advocacy center. Go to family court. There are people there to he…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/18 06:12 PM
1

I don't know how she removed you from an account you jointly own... that sounds illegal and/or points to identity fraud. You would have to remove yourself from a financial account in your own name. In any case, 100% of the funds you have in joint accounts belongs to both of you, so feel free to empty any other 'joint' accounts you have. She may not like it but there is no recourse, which is why I recommend if you're going to move for separation then empty the accounts.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/18 10:43 PM
1

She won't 'retain' the marital home any more than as a right-to-occupy. Why would you add her to the deed? Did you refinance jointly? Don't go on the defensive. You don't have to ask permission to be in your house. You don't have to ask permission to do yard work. She's acting like a squatter.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/18 06:03 PM
3

Stop "asking" her to see your kids. You are not a minority parent. You are 100% capable of taking care of your kids, where your ex is demonstrably incapable. Call the police, your kids are in danger. Call CPS, your kids live in a drug house with at least one criminal. Go to family court, file emergency injunction granting you sole custody until her shit is sorted out.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/18 05:58 PM
1

She sure is entitled to half of your retirement. The same way you're entitled to 1/2 of her retirement, 401k, insurance, etc. Typically if you're both of similar financial positions, there is no transference of retirement funds and no maintenance. She can't 'take' anything she's not 1) entitled to, and 2) written in the stip which is 3) signed off by a judge. Your wife sounds bipolar. It's not your problem going forward. If she throws her rings at you, keep them (she has "returned" them to you).…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/18 05:44 PM
9

The judges take: "Suffice it to say that I found AC5 [Rooney] a biased witness, who has perceived every minor incident here through her own tainted lens. I am unable to place much, if any, weight on her evidence." IOW your case is shit, and you're an asshole.
/r/MensRights22/06/18 06:46 PM
17

Holy shit your username
/r/PussyPassDenied22/06/18 04:12 PM
48

910
/r/PussyPassDenied22/06/18 04:11 PM
2

Hear me out - because this may sound harsh but it's my first take on your post. You don't sound like you are interested in fatherhood or marriage. I silently waited out an 8 year marriage to a vicious borderline sociopath just to be near my kids. I paid over $60k in an insanely contentious 4 year divorce because she kept moving the goal posts, filing bullshit plenaries and making false reports to the police and CPS. I won my divorce but I still have to fight every day just to talk to my kids. As…
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/18 02:18 PM
2

Get over it, you'll be fine. Don't surrender anything just because of guilt. Don't rush to separate either. Your life will change dramatically. If you live in the basement, at least you're still in the house I'm sure you're paying for. Visualize how you can live on 60% of your take home pay, because that's how much it will be reduced when you pay child support for 2 kids. Take some time, think about it and fix it if you can.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/18 08:26 PM
1

Notify 'therapist' that they are not to treat your kids and you do not agree to paying any portion of their fees. Your position is clearly stated. Notify your ex that you don't agree to the children receiving nonessential treatment. Get family court injunction if she disagrees.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/18 05:04 PM
2

Talk to your lawyer. Everything is negotiable, the separation agreement is a civil contract. Child support, maintenance and medical care are negotiable. With that income disparity though, it would be unusual for you to not be on the hook for maintenance and support. Read sidebar. Don't sign or agree to anything without a lawyer. Make sure she has to buy her own life insurance policy and make you the sole beneficiary and prove on a semiannual basis that you are still the sole beneficiary (it's st…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/18 04:57 PM
1

Thank you /u/Bzyeee - yes your lawyer should subpoena any and all information regarding your ex's income: tax returns, interest statements, bank statements, W-2s, etc. Support and pro rata shares are typically recalculated every 2-3 years - what does your agreement state?
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/18 01:53 PM
2

You're probably in luck - inheritances don't migrate into marital property unless it's the marital home. And your family's property isn't your wife's property. Get bank records showing that money was moved in the accounts. IF this happened after the SA was served, it's a violation of the injunction order that any boilerplate SA contains. Sue her. The judge may order her to hand you the entire amount she transferred out. Rest assured her attorney isn't an idiot and knows what his client is trying…
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/18 01:49 PM
1

Unless one of you is jobless and the other extremely wealthy, forcing one party to pay legal fees doesn't happen often. But you can throw a wrench in her plans and make it really, really hard for her to reject a settlement. Find a violation, however small, that she's committed against the executed SA. Sue her for financial damages - these should be demonstrable and incontrovertible, like an unpaid medical expense for the kids or a cable bill or material damage to the house or vehicle. These fina…
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/18 01:43 PM
2

None of it is her business. She shouldn't have any visibility to your accounts, your sister's or your father's - so everything she's repeating is hearsay. Buy yourself all the shirts you want. You're a big boy now :) buy a closet full of Columbia shirts, and when she asks about them tell her you got the impression she liked them so you bought more. If she bought shit at Macy's after being served, that violates the injunction clause. If she bought it using a joint account, return it. Otherwise br…
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/18 06:32 PM
1

The imagined glory of that final statement won't translate very well to real life. It will either 1) be brushed off or 2) she will detonate and continue ruining your life. Just smile and walk away.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/18 06:26 PM
1

Approved and upvoted. You have to show up to court. It sucks, it's a time waster, and lawyers suck. It will never work to your advantage to not present a defense or offense for your own case. Most ROs are like this. The temp is issued just for the asking. If it's a retaliatory / vindictive RO, the judge will do just what yours did - ask simple questions. They have to issue the temp, because they don't want people being murdered after asking for protection against a legitimate threat. But the fir…
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/18 06:21 PM
5

If you have liquid assets, disappear them before separation agreement is penned or executed. Do not sign anything for anyone until you have a lawyer. That lawyer should give you a realistic timeline and expectations.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/18 06:17 PM
3

You have options. You have to change what you're doing. Do a hard stop and map out your priorities. Kids aren't at fault for divorce but they aren't immune to the fallout. That's life. They will forgive you later for whatever perceived slight their mother tells them you've inflicted. If you are low-income then you have to take advantage of low-income schools and the after-care provided there. Be strong. Make some changes.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/18 01:48 AM
1

Read sidebar. There are no good divorce attorneys. I changed attorneys in the middle of my divorce, my first attorney had no balls and dragged his feet with everything. Second attorney got it done, but it took more than a year to finish my divorce, on the SA written by my ex, in a no-fault state, with maintenance already expired, custody determined, and no assets to divide. Find a lawyer who understands your case and will provide a sober, realistic timeline and cost.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/18 07:39 PM
1

You're right, she is projecting. File an injunction in family court preventing your ex from taking the kids for non-emergency medical help if don't agree with it. File another injunction naming that therapist. You'll get the temporary for the asking. When an injunction is violated, contempt of court is a misdemeanor. That therapist and your ex could be looking at a year in jail.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/18 07:33 PM
1

You will lose no matter who you pick. Read sidebar. There are no good divorce attorneys. I had 2 male attorneys, my ex had 2 female and a handful of male attorneys. Her case was entirely based on lies, innuendo, sensationalism and utter horse shit. The judge still has a job to do, and the lawyers want your money. The process-and-procedure part of lawyering is a vaguely referenced side note to bleeding you dry with every photocopy, service fee and adjournment. Find a lawyer who understands your c…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/18 07:28 PM
3

You have to look at your expenses and determine what you need to live. Usually childcare and schooling have to be agreed by both parents. Charter school is not a requirement. Is this something you're billed for out of pocket? (I'm genuinely curious - this may need to be looked into). You're homeless, dude. Fuck private schools. Deny the expense, demand she send the kids to public school. Don't pay for after care. You have joint custody, find a free babysitter. I did this, saved hundreds a month …
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/18 07:24 PM
1

Thank you for the update! Even more, thank god there are no kids. Everything she's doing is just confused, manic noisemaking. Won't work? Judge doesn't care; she can work, and has worked. She thinks you made her quit her job? It'll be on her to prove it. Subpoenaing other people's bank accounts? Stupid and a waste of time unless you're hiding marital assets after injunction is ordered. Your lawyer should have an easy time winning this for you (if there is any such thing). Beware the trial-day se…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/18 07:15 PM
3

A sentiment most of us share at one time or another. There are plenty of normal marriages with normal women - but like us, /u/Chiswicker unfortunately bagged one of the poisoned ones.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/18 07:07 PM
1

Doesn't matter who called LEO about a DV That seems overly broad and unnecessarily fatalist, but if you read my post history you'll see why I strongly second the personal recorder.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/18 03:29 PM
1

For me, I knew what I didn't want: my ex. I didn't want someone who was passive-aggressive silent and then explosive unable to listen to reason unwilling to let an argument die Overly sensitive to suggestions and criticism I did not want Someone who hated her own family Someone who couldn't keep a job Someone on psychoactive medications. Therapy is fine but if medications are what is keeping her normal then she could snap, decide to stop taking meds at any time, and go back to the asshole she wa…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/18 02:28 PM
3

My ex was a noisy, combative, violent sociopath to me in the private bubble of our marriage. Her emails and texts were arrogant and vicious. Our 'conversations' were hour-long monologues of finger-pointing authoritarian narcissistic rants. But she could barely pronounce her own name at the settlement hearing. Her true nature was one of a terrified and socially awkward asshole. An unlikable and undateable asshole, distrustful of authority and scared of taking any of life's challenges head on. In …
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/18 01:43 PM
1

/u/dday_throwaway3 hit the nail on the head. Stop acting as if you have to ask permission to protect your kids. Your wife is dangerous. File a TRO to speed things along. If you afforded an au paire while also supporting a non-working opposite-gendered coparent, you can afford one now. I'm betting your wife was a large part of why the au paire didn't work out. If you have to call the police to your house, demand a report. If you call the police for a DV incident, demand she be arrested and don't …
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/18 01:29 PM
1

Thank you... And Godspeed.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/18 03:02 AM
3

A lot of attorneys have to sue their former clients for unpaid bills. It helps to work out a settlement before it comes to that, because lawyers know lawyers who know lawyers. Changes in civil agreements and contracts must be acknowledged. If you've ever had a contract modified, you know about all the initialing and signing on the amended pages. Modifying agreements is normal, but submitting an amended document that has already been signed is illegal by universal contract law. A giant considerat…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/18 12:02 AM
1

Pretty much all a cross post needs is a parenthesized (x-post from) and the subreddit it came from. As the lone moderator of this sub I will speak for all 1650 subscribers and say 'this is fine'.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/18 11:52 PM
1

Sit tight. Keep moving forward and get out as clean and as happy as you can. There's plenty of light at the end of the tunnel :)
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/18 08:30 PM
1

Why move out? Is it your home?
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/18 08:10 PM
1

Lots of varying advice, but there is really only one important variable: Whether there is a separation agreement in place yet. If not, you can do whatever you want with your property. Talk to a lawyer and get it done before either of you file. If she's not on the deed or title, you can do this without her knowledge or consent. It's your property. If you transfer before either of you files, it can't even appear on the list of assets. Your wife won't be entitled to equity in property that belongs …
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/18 08:08 PM
2

Read sidebar. Family court and CPS will only intervene when children are in danger. Everyone else wants your money and will advise you accordingly. The narrative won't matter to family court, the judge or your lawyers. Fuck her and fuck her texts. Tell her what you want, don't ask. You are not a minority player, you are half of the parenting team. Get a lawyer who will write up a devastating separation agreement, someone who will eviscerate her in court. You are divorcing an authoritarian narcis…
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/18 07:58 PM
1

ROFR is a bitch. Make sure you include it. When kids are in your care, you can have whomever you want babysit them. She doesn't dictate who / when / where the kids are when you have parenting time. Keep in mind, if you're paying for day care and don't have ROFR, you'll be on the hook for half of day care. Make sure your stip includes language that you will pay a portion of agreed expenses. That's your ticket out of paying for spite-based child care. The agreement is a civil contract. It can be w…
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/18 07:54 PM
2

Read side bar. Empty the accounts. Change your account numbers. Get new cards. Remove your name from anything she has access to. If you can get this mediated, opt for that. Less expensive but just as binding. Do not put any money in the joint account. Do not pay her bills. Separate your finances now. Your state laws may dictate what interest she has in your income properties. If you acquired them while you were married, chances are she's entitled to half the capital increases in value - but it's…
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/18 07:50 PM
1

I'm in the US but... if someone disappears with your kid without your knowing or approval, that's kidnapping. Whether she's the mother or not. Call the police and file a report. Nobody's perfect. Find a lawyer you're comfortable with and talk about your options.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/18 07:45 PM
1

Keep in mind that you can always file a competing restraining order. This keeps her on her toes as well, and affords you the same right to have her arrested if she tries to break the conditions of the order.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/18 12:38 PM
1

Does your state allow fault? Just because you're in a no-fault state doesn't meant that first-to-file has to choose no-fault.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/18 06:43 PM
2

Read sidebar.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/18 06:01 PM
1

You: separate accounts. Now. You should have a "mine", "yours" and "ours" accounts. Her name should be nowhere near the "mine" account. Don't pay her mother, especially if there's no paper trail. Let her take you to small claims. It doesn't look like you'll be on the hook for much. And with no kids in a community property state, you can probably get her to walk away and call it a wash. Don't offer to buy her out. talk to a lawyer and see how you can make this work for both of you: She can GTFO t…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/18 06:01 PM
2

Whew! One battle down, hopefully you're almost out of the woods. Your dad seems pretty clever. Good on him for getting your brother's name off the accounts- in most cases, joint accounts are marital assets, but inheritances from relatives are not.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/18 05:54 PM
5

Try this: verbalize what you want. Then be silent. The mediator will fill in the spaces.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/18 05:52 PM
3

I enjoyed not being around my ex so much, there was no loneliness. It's like when you don't enjoy being shot at 24 hours a day, what do you do? Don't stand downrange. See a therapist. Keep telling yourself you made the right decision for you. You'll be fine.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/18 05:50 PM
1

Nope. You're separated. Don't pay her jack shit. Then cancel all the joint cards, empty your bank accounts and tell her to fuck off. You shouldn't have any joint accounts.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/18 05:46 PM
2

Move back in. Don't talk to her. File first. Call the police first. Divorce is not a time for stoicism.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/18 05:44 PM
4

If you file in Japan, where you both have resident status, she'll have to attend to her legal matters in the jurisdiction where it was filed: Japan. Edit: She may be able to file in NY, but one of the first checkboxes is "both of us are / is legal residents of this <country>. So she'll have a confusing and uphill battle. Don't let her get that far. File first.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/18 05:41 PM
3

File for TRO against her based on her outbursts and violence. Yes, it's violence. Don't leave without the TRO. Your marriage is on borrowed time. But you need to shell out a few bucks and talk to a lawyer about what you're on the hook for. Some examples: Her student loans, if she went to school while you were married Her credit cards Your 401k is on the table Child support Paying their health insurance, copays and expenses Day care College tuition Even so, your ex can file any time she wants. Th…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/18 05:40 PM
1

Domestic partnership? What state? Is there common law? Don't pay her bills, period. Don't pay for day care if you have a relative or friend who can babysit. It's important to make these changes now, so that the clause where you agree to split "agreed expenses" shows that you don't agree to pay for third parties to watch your kids. Do not send her any extra anything, this goes especially for cash. Paper trails, paper trails, paper trails. Yes file first. She is your enemy. Get used to it. It's go…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/18 05:32 PM
3

If there's nothing there, there's nothing there. I've never heard of something productive coming from depositions. It's a threat lawyers use because most people are intimidated by court. If there were a will in place, your SIL's lawyer would have subpoena'd it. You're allowed to close accounts. You're allowed to empty cash accounts and do what you want with it. That's why being first to file for separation is important; the stipulation keeps both parties from doing anything with joint accounts, …
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/18 05:25 PM
2

If there's nothing in writing, take your kids and get a temporary restraining order against your stbx for you and the kids. They are in physical danger living in a drug house. You don't have to call CPS, they do their investigation immediately when one of you files for restraining order. Call the police for a welfare check when the kids are with her, tell the cops there are drugs in the house. Your vehicle doesn't matter. But trade it in for anything that will hold a car seat. Fuck facebook. It'…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/18 05:17 PM
1

Yes, this is abandonment. It's grounds for divorce should you choose to sue on grounds of abandonment and infidelity (as opposed to the fatalist mentality that simply accepts "no-fault"). In your case this may be preferable, most people don't consider that they can deliver an extra heaping dose of shame and embarrassment by suing on grounds. With no legal paperwork in place and no agreement to separate, she has legally abandoned her family. Legal adulthood doesn't happen until 21 - check your st…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/18 05:13 PM
1

File for divorce. Read sidebar. File first and put her on the defensive. Demand what you want. Let her make the concessions and move herself out. Do not backpedal and don't soften up. Be ready to file restraining order against her if she acts up.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/18 02:44 PM
2

Yes. If she abandoned you and your kids, she's demonstrated a willingness to forfeit a claim to the house. If she doesn't live there, it's not "her" marital home. If she left you and the kids, she abandoned them. You can thank her for doing 90% of your work for you. If she took the kids, that's kidnapping. Call the police and file charges. Go to family court and file an injunction preventing her from leaving the state. Get your lawyer to start stacking these violations for Supreme court.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/18 02:39 PM
5

Not worth it. At all. The balance left on that card is less than a single retainer for a piece of shit lawyer to get your hopes up, promise vindication in a trial and then -- $30k later -- urge you to settle the case. Sunk cost of breaking up. You're free... move on!
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/18 09:41 PM
6

10 year olds are pains in the ass. They're going to act up and see what they can get away with. Pssst... you were probably a pain in the ass when you were 10... so was I. Divorce is a strange time for kids and unfortunately they're not immune to the fallout when parents separate. However, kids that young don't truly comprehend adult relationship dynamics. Your 10 year old may be confused, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say he's not "upset about the divorce"; he's been coached into saying …
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/18 04:52 PM
2

This was my life. You don't have to pay anything. Don't pay bills that aren't yours. This includes rent / mortgage if there isn't a court order for you to pay it. Stop paying now. Do not give her cash. You have to move back home. Nobody can tell you to leave your house. It's your house. Call 911 (who will be recording - California is not a one-party recording state), tell them what she's doing. Do this over and over to establish a history. Ask them (911) how to prevent your ex from filing false …
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/18 04:26 PM
3

You're going to have to call a few and find one you're comfortable with. Get details in advance - what you can expect, what you're entitled to. Don't settle for a boilerplate separation agreement, spell out what you want and get it done.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/18 04:11 PM
1

To reiterate - stop paying her shit. Don't pay for her surgery. She is an expensive liability. You two are not on the same team.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/18 04:08 PM
1

Exactly. There is absolutely no sense in scrambling to preserve your credit score during divorce. Once those papers are signed and you know what your cash flow is going to look like for the next 20 years, that's when you can start planning responsibly. For now, fuck the credit card companies. Remember, credit cards are unsecured debt and as such, it's not something they can just sue and get a judgment for. That's why collections agents use intimidation tactics or straight-up lie to you. They hav…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/18 04:06 PM
1

PS do not consider moving out. That's your home. Do not leave.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/18 08:33 PM
3

You can't change the past. It will drive you mad if you spend your days agonizing over it. Convince yourself you made the right decision for you. Seriously - therapy. For you, not for you and your ex / you and your new wife. You'll be better equipped to handle the surge of emotions and eventually it won't happen.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/18 02:33 PM
4

Common theories say anywhere from "18 months" to "3 months for every year" to get over a breakup. It's normal to mourn a divorce when there are good memories. Like many on this sub I didn't have any, I was 'over' the divorce 8 years in advance. But I still went to therapy to sort out my thoughts, manage the anger and keep myself on track emotionally. You need to be in therapy. Find a LCSW in your area (this is probably covered by your insurance). Spend time with friends (not drinking - this will…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/18 02:02 PM
1

Best of luck. Leave nothing to chance or other people's good will, and you'll save yourself a ton of aggravation. This x10 when you're divorcing.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/18 01:51 PM
1

Does Canada have common law? Most you'd be on the hook for is child support. Do not leave your house.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/18 09:37 PM
3

You weren't married, you were a fair weather accessory for a controlling, unfaithful sociopath. You can't fix her. You have to make a clean break. Delete your lawyer, hit facebook and get a gym. Disconnect. In a few months the fog will clear and you'll have an idea what you're capable of without an emotional anchor tying you down constantly. Let yourself feel selfish. You've been giving for long enough. It's going to hurt, but if you survived the affair you'll make it through this no problem. Do…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/18 09:35 PM
2

You'll see families that look happy, what you won't know is that half of them are quietly and invisibly disintegrating. You are not alone. Look for a LCSW, someone who can do one on one sessions. Groups turn to shit real quick. Depending on your insurance, therapy could be covered 100%.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/18 09:25 PM
1

Removing That sub doesn't allow promotion and it's become a cesspool of pro-divorce circlejerks. OP can cross-post if he wants.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/18 07:25 PM
1

File first. Put her on her heels so hard that by the time you hit Supreme court, she's still reeling. Her temporary 'weakened state' is staged. She's hedging in preparation for the divorce. If you and she are arguing now, you can believe her combative nature will be galvanized once she sees what she is "entitled" to in divorce. Don't begin mentally preparing yourself for concessions, mentally prepare yourself for battle with a bipolar authoritarian. Divorce is war. You don't sacrifice your front…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/18 06:51 PM
1

Depends how the two of you get along now and afterward. What state? Are you filed, did you move out, have either of you been served? How many kids, how old? How are the finances?
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/18 06:01 PM
1

She's checked out. Stop paying her shit. You have 100% right to the tax return - like she does - but who paid to file the return? I'll bet it cost more to file than she contributed in the first place. Read the sidebar. File first and make it as viciously one-sided as you can. Empty your cash accounts, personal and joint, and prepare for bankruptcy. Statements of worth are not historical.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/18 05:59 PM
1

This is why there's bankruptcy. You likely can't bankrupt student loans, but you can bankrupt mortgage, credit cards, utilities, and other liabilities. Starting at 0 is far more preferable. Get your lawyer to start lawyering. Do not mention bankruptcy to the lawyer, it's kind of a foregone conclusion in your situation, and they don't need to be reminded that they're going to have to chase you for your final balance. Contact a different lawyer about bankruptcy.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/18 05:55 PM
1

No, no, and no. If separation papers have already been served, you can't open any new lines of credit anyway. Your lawyer should be handling this (and advising you against it). Your wife doesn't present PSA. The lawyers handle this. If she's being advised elsewhere and you are not represented, this could be illegal as well. Read sidebar. How long were you married? There's no way she will be getting 76% of your "take-home" unless you're contributing massive percentages of pre-tax dollars to retir…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/18 05:52 PM
1

Don't get divorced. Definitely do not move out. Find a counselor you are comfortable with and stick to it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/18 05:47 PM
1

She's very likely borderline / authoritarian. You are headed for a contentious, possibly expensive divorce. You better check the recording laws in your state and record every interaction with your wife that you can. This includes phone and in-person conversations you are party to. File first, give zero concessions. You have to put her on the defensive and it has to be a vicious, shock-and-awe type of show. Do not move out. Read sidebar.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/18 05:46 PM
1

It sounds like you're expecting some money problems. These are never solved during divorce, and certainly never solved immediately following. Never pull money out of 401k; the tax hit is brutal. If you're afraid of losing half of it, reduce your contributions to 0 until the divorce is done. Hide your cash, run up the cards. Read sidebar. Clean out your personal accounts and the joint accounts. Statements of worth are done during the divorce process and are not historical. Once either of you is s…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/18 05:41 PM
1

What state? Read sidebar fully. Everything in a separation is negotiable.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/18 05:26 PM
2

No-fault state doesn't mean you can't sue for grounds. It just means that there's a catch-all for people who don't want to drag each other through the mud. You don't have to accept a "break". Or separation or divorce, for that matter. Do not move out. 4 years isn't a long time. Alimony / maintenance won't be much, and the kids aren't yours so CS won't be a problem unless you've adopted them. Lawyer up. File first and aggressively; she's hedging so that you make the first move, it's called "avoid…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/18 05:24 PM
5

Super typical. New York chiming in - you need to get these parts explicitly written out in the stip, with conditions and 'penalties' written in. Leave nothing to interpretation and make sure your lawyer doesn't gloss over these. For instance: If she takes the kids for a day you're supposed to have them, you get the kids for a day, on a day of your choosing, in the same week / month, no matter what she may have planned and no matter what provisions there are for weekends / alternating holidays. Y…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/18 05:20 PM
4

I'm trying to imagine a scenario where 'food' and 'clothing' do not fall under the column of 'child support'. Are you paying child support? Don't sweat this, forward her the pertinent sections of the agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/18 01:26 AM
3

There are no hard and fast rules in dissolving a marriage. There are guidelines state by state, but you're dissolving a civil contract. The separation agreement is where you outline who gets what. Your job now is to make the first move, hide your assets, liquidate your accounts, lawyer up and put her on the defensive. She's your enemy now, get used to it and start acting accordingly. You're going to see your kids less. It sucks. She's going to weaponize them. Her student loans are hers. You will…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/18 01:00 PM
1

Need an update! I can't imagine the property / houses you're keeping if you gave her 2 houses plus CS - /u/primusinterpares has a decent point - I would definitely welcome a vacate of the entire agreement. If she wants to change any term of the contract, the parties must be "made whole". That dictates returning everything that changed hands in the initial agreement. You can't do line-item changes in a civil contract. Stop paying her bills. Stick to the agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/18 07:38 PM
3

If she gives it to you, tells you she doesn't want it anymore, throws it at you or drops it in the wastebasket, it's yours. Take it and do what you want. Contract law applies and it's universal. Don't ask her for it or demand it back. It was a gift unless stated otherwise in writing, which no thinking person does.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/18 02:51 AM
2

It's drama. It's the last thing you need. Keep steady, keep a level head and don't let the emotions get the better of you. Godspeed.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/18 02:47 AM
1

Do not move out Read the sidebar Do not move out You are incompatible. Don't make promises to her, even during her surgery / procedure. See if an amicable separation is possible, if she's not a borderline sociopath you may find that she's surprisingly receptive. Do not move out and do not accept the terms of any separation agreement until you have a lawyer. Do not talk to her, her lawyer or the police. Do not talk to her about separation. Even more, don't respond to her lawyer or accept any pape…
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/18 10:13 PM
1

Please read sidebar.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/18 10:06 PM
1

Approved.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/18 10:06 PM
1

Seems really easy to disprove her in front of the kids - show them the credit card bills. Yes, you're going to be treated like complete shit. Your STBX is a cunt for pulling this with the kids. She's going to brainwash them and treat you like a wallet, and any deprivation is going to be blamed on you. Any concession will be treated like an entitlement. Your money will pay the necessities, which disappear in the background; new clothing and toys will be 'from her'. Resist the urge to buy your way…
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/18 10:05 PM
2

If your libido doesn't match hers, you're just incompatible. If you're posting in this sub, you've already made your decision. Read sidebar, get lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/18 08:09 PM
1

If you owned property before marriage, it wouldn't have been a marital asset. To my understanding, inheritances don't cross into "marital property" either so she wouldn't have had any claim to your inheritance from your mom. Her lawyer is just making noise and churning her account. Depositions of family members is just a threat tactic to put you off balance.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/18 08:07 PM
1

Your STBX sounds toxic. How old are the kids? Custody already decided? What's the status? Don't overextend yourself to compensate for your wife's manipulation. It will only make you poor. I don't know your current financial status, but bankruptcy looks like a pretty smart plan for immediately after the divorce. Don't talk divorce or money with the kids. They'll soon see you as the sane one. Get your lawyer to put anti-defamation provisions in the separation agreement, so she can't shit-talk abou…
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/18 08:02 PM
3

Please read sidebar - what's the status of the divorce? What is 50-50 financial custody? How many kids? Does she want alimony and child support? Do you work? Relax and don't lose focus of what you want. If your lawyer isn't telling you that your wife can't dictate parenting time then your lawyer isn't doing his job. I hope you haven't signed anything. Don't talk to her or her lawyer and don't negotiate with them- that's your lawyer's job. Your relationship now exists only on paper - the separati…
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/18 07:58 PM
3

If she disappears "her" half of the money in the shared account, half of his new account will still be a marital asset and subject to 50/50 distribution. Empty the accounts.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/18 07:07 PM
1

You'll get over it. It stings, and it's shitty, and she's a fucking pig, but you'll get over it. You don't have to love her or care about her anymore. You're just protecting your rights as a father and your entitlement to that house. Move your shit back in STAT. Take pictures of the entire house and email them to someone for evidence. Record your interactions. Come back here for support and advice. Stand up for yourself. We're here to back you up.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/18 08:02 PM
1

You and me both. Toughen up, deal with it, avoid her. Learn to roll your eyes and cringe when you look at her, this should solidify her shame. Pick your head up, take life head on. Hit the gym. Do not drink. Delete facebook. Lawyer up. Godspeed.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/18 08:00 PM
1

She can go to her friend's house to think. She has no right to ask / demand that you leave "so she can think". Could you imagine the hysterical dismissal of a man asking a woman to leave her home because he "needed space" ?
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/18 07:57 PM
1

BECAUSE IT'S YOUR FUCKING HOUSE. And courts have this medieval approach of "well he decided to move out so, let's employ this shallow logic where we just hand the woman the house because the man wanted some goddamned peace and quiet". Leaving the marital home will crater your chances at getting custody, it practically hands her the right to live in the house (and of course, you'll be paying for it, like a schmuck) and you're going to be inconvenienced by having to set up new address / accounts /…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/18 07:55 PM
1

Depending on the state, the deterrent is that you can still sue for breach of contract / infidelity / constructive abandonment. This can be priceless when shaming a whore wife in the divorce, and it's decent leverage if she wants to file a no-fault.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/18 07:53 PM
1

Not her business. Pick a room and do not leave the house. Empty your accounts and the joint accounts, hide what you can, and get a lawyer. It looks like your wife is an asshole and will continue to be an asshole until you pull the trigger on that divorce. DO NOT LEAVE.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/18 07:51 PM
1

If there's one thing this sub needs, it's a little XKCD humor. This reply is approved.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/18 07:44 PM
1

They aren't helping her. Your wife has a personality problem. It's not chemical, it's physiological. She wants to be validated, right or wrong. I'm betting you hear a lot of "you don't care!" and "You hate this family!" I'll bet you frequently enter conversations with her feeling as if you missed the first half of it, with her already angry about something she thinks you said, or thinks you feel. I'm sorry. You have to get out.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/18 07:42 PM
2

Empty your accounts NOW. No, your money is not safe. Empty the joint accounts NOW. This money isn't safe either. Change all your credit card numbers NOW. You're on the hook for any balances on a card with your name on it. Change banks NOW. May as well. Get the fuck out. She's a deadbeat and she's coming for your money next. Prepare yourself to get a restraining order if you have to have her removed from the house. Monitoring (audio / video) is a really good idea.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/18 07:39 PM
2

There are guidelines, but these things are all negotiable in the separation agreements. Couples often agree to concessions for one reason or another. While you're married, you can liquidate whatever you want - so can she. Any balances or debt remaining at the date of filing is what is split. I have to disagree almost entirely with /u/throwawayaccount602 - things that were yours before the marriage are yours after, with no dividend or compensation to be split to the other spouse (one exception mi…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/18 07:34 PM
1

Do not leave. I'm about your age and was married to a woman with similar personality / mental health issues. She sounds depressed, and that can be treated and medicated. but if you've already seen a therapist for 8 months, you know she's not changing and you can't fix her. You cannot fix your marriage because her mental condition precludes her addressing her own issues. Couple's therapy won't work because that's not what she wants. What she wants is for a therapist to provide consensus that she …
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/18 07:16 PM
6

The real question is, why would you even consider moving out? Why have men been conditioned to think that we can provide a massive majority of the household finances, perform a massive majority of the upkeep tasks for the structure, outlay a massive majority of the cost to maintain the grounds, the exterior surfaces, the appliances... and that we're the ones that are expected to leave? The double-fuck-you to men is that as soon as you move out, that is the historical justification (however irrel…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/18 07:05 PM
1

You've both decided to romantically check out. This sounds like an uncomfortable trip. Your son will understand that sometimes couples just break up. Some people are normal and know when to end things. Some people can never let go, some people mutually decide to stay together for the kids. Some people are vindictive cunts on a hair trigger, dead-set on ruining other people's lives. Which you choose, and how you teach your son these distinctions is on you. Therapy first.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/18 07:29 PM
1

So glad to see sometimes fairy tales do come true. Godspeed.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/18 07:26 PM
1

Yep she's playing games. My piece of shit ex did the same. Don't pay her bills. Period. Screenshot everything. Burden is on her to prove anything, and if she fails I'm pretty sure she'll be on the hook for your legal fees. You may be able to sit back and watch her sink her own ship.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/18 07:24 PM
1

Please read sidebar. State? Kids? Status of divorce? Income discrepancy? Custody decided? Do you have a second residence? How long have you been separated? "Doesn't know I have check for court hearing" - I can't figure out what this means (?) You don't have to leave a home that's yours until the sheriff shows up (did he?) Pick a room and avoid her. Don't pay bills that aren't yours. If your wife acts up, get a temporary RO against her. She'll have to leave, and being taken down a few notches wil…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/18 07:19 PM
2

What's the status? Fully divorced or separated? Are you paying maintenance or CS? Any assets distributed? Your daughter has no business knowing what made mommy and daddy break up. I talk to my young daughters all the time about our lives before the separation (it was 110% my ex's fault and decision to split). But I exercise careful restraint - as well as I can - to not let them hear me talk about their mom except emotionally neutral family history. It's not their business and they do not underst…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/18 07:11 PM
1

It's really unlikely you'll be paying CS if she makes 3x what you do. But who will likely get custody? Don't know your state - but you can sue on grounds of constructive abandonment (refusal of intimacy). You'll get half. And you'll get maintenance (alimony). Since she makes more, she'll very likely have to pay the lawyer bills. Talk to an attorney. You're in a dream situation compared to most men in a dead bedroom.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/18 07:01 PM
2

/u/Bronson1992 is correct - you don't leave. But if you feel unsafe, lock yourself in a room and call the police. 911 will be recording. Use this police report to get an RO against her. Read the sidebar.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/18 06:59 PM
1

This is the right question. Read the sidebar. You can stay. It's your home. Even if it's not your home, it's your marital home. You are 100% entitled to stay there until a legal order is signed off by a judge ordering you to vacate. A fight may escalate. Stay calm. Illinois is a one party state. Get a recording app on your phone and if you believe for a second that she's going to escalate, tell her you're recording. She can choose to explode or not. Use this to get a temporary restraining order …
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/18 06:57 PM
1

Check your state's laws on adultery. A vindictive STBX could really screw you over. In my state, adultery isn't a grounds for divorce and the 1-year chastity thing really only exists in a few states. You need to see a therapist first. If I suddenly found myself single, I'd go monk mode for a while before searching. Find out if you want a partner or if you're so used to having a partner that you can't imagine not having one. Don't rush in. The dating game is a cesspool. Whatever you do, make sure…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/18 06:52 PM
1

Look at your pay stub. Cut down your contributions to retirement plans and increase your exemptions. Your end of year return will be less, but you'll be able to save up an emergency fund and pay off debt sooner. You don't seem to have it too bad at all. Congrats on emerging rather unscathed.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/18 06:47 PM
1

$200/month - is that a whole life policy? Keeping the kids on your health insurance is pretty standard, especially if they're already on it. ps - unless there's a clause in the SA saying you have to provide regular statements demonstrating that she indeed is the beneficiary, you can change beneficiaries or cancel the policy after the fact and nobody will know. The SA is a civil contract. She'd have to sue you to enforce it even if she found out. It's not like you'll be jailed for not keeping lif…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/18 06:44 PM
3

Please read sidebar, share some more details. Your local bar association may be able to suggest a local attorney, but it's literally a yellow pages of attorneys, that's all. Maybe the Army or the VA is a better place to start. $2500 is pocket change in a contested divorce but if you don't like your attorney, lose him. A suggestion - find a boring attorney who sounds like he doesn't want your case - he'll get it done faster than the charming fast-talker promising to crush your ex in court.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/18 06:41 PM
2

Good points. If you're not compatible, whether it's a new development or not, it's time to go. Cut your losses, recognize the past is all sunk cost, and get out.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/18 06:37 PM
1

It's ok to be a dick. You are a human with feelings, opinions, and judgments. These feelings, opinions and judgments change as the world changes and you grow up and the world around you evolve. Your psychological and emotional constitution will evolve and change with you. Some of it is passive (physiological or chemical) and some is active (your own acceptance of learning and voluntary exposure to new ideas) Some people's reaction to you changing your mind and rejecting a social norm is to call …
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/18 06:35 PM
5

Look, men are conditioned to believe that separation and divorce means the man has to leave his house. That's bullshit and it has to stop. Your wife is the enemy and she wrecked the marriage. Get back into your home and stay there. Moving out is generally equated with leaving your family / abandonment. You can always say you needed a breather, you didn't really move out, you had some things to take care of, whatever. So I'll say it again, DO NOT MOVE OUT. Don't change your address, don't move yo…
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/18 04:01 PM
1

State? Kids? Living arrangement? Therapy?
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/18 01:53 PM
3

Move back in. Pick a room but do NOT move out. Don't sign anything, don't agree to anything. Her quitting her job and being a lazy dependapotamus isn't going to change your child support obligation, it just makes her more of an asshole. You don't even need a lawyer yet, but it would be a great idea to draw up a harsh and one-sided separation agreement with whatever demands you want. But before lawyers are involved, empty the accounts. You can. Hang her out to dry.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/18 01:51 PM
1

Android: I use "Smart recorder"
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/18 06:33 PM
4

Combating the pseudo-intellectualism that would present such a shortsighted, retarded shower-thought as a fact is just as important as combating toxic feminism.
/r/MensRights12/03/18 08:17 PM
1

First, you don't listen to her or her lawyer friend. If she has a lawyer, you should too. Second, if that is a law, I've never heard of it. If she's talking about "unjust enrichment", it would be a hysterical distortion to be able to apply it here. She lived there, and by leaving she retains no liabilities to the property. To pay her back "all" mortgage payments would be to say that she didn't live there, sleep there, park her car there, watch TV there, store her belongings there, or gain any ot…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/18 05:21 PM
1

If she removes your kids from your home, call the police and get a restraining order against her. It's called kidnapping. Women are not entitled to just take children with them. The divorce will cost whatever the biggest asshole in the relationship wants it to. Try for a mediator.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/18 05:13 PM
1

| Until her lawyer does check, on your dime, and crushes you in court destroying your reputation with the judge. That's not how ROs work. And FC doesn't investigate claims between adversaries, neither do the attorneys. And phone "records" aren't even a part of the petition for an RO, the petition is handwritten and then formalized and filed by a clerk with the help of DV advocates in the courthouse. There aren't judges, these are magistrates who oversee the petty squabbling in the separation sta…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/18 03:41 PM
1

Family court doesn't check, doesn't care, and won't investigate. That's how 99 percent of family court restraining orders get issued against men.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/18 03:38 AM
1

On what grounds? Who served you? Are you sure it's a restraining order and not a threat? You have to be served by a uniformed officer.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/18 04:49 AM
1

On Android it is Call Recorder. Look for it in the Play Store. There is also Smart Recorder which you can use to record conversations on demand. Look into the options you can set it to not indicate on the lock screen that it is recording. These are both excellent recording utilities. Smart Recorder kept me out of jail when I proved that my ex had made up a story of assault, as she was the one assaulting me.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/18 10:49 PM
1

Read the sidebar - there are no good divorce lawyers. This is doubly true if you are 1) male, or 2) not wealthy. Referrals will point you to the same bunch of lawyers you can find with a Google search or the yellow pages. Call and talk to them. If finances are a concern, talk about expectations (they won't really promise anything). If your wife is on the same page about separating, try for mediation.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/18 06:27 PM
1

That sucks. I'm sorry to hear about your shitty ex. OP isn't even at the point of trying - he doesn't want kids. Your advice is spot on though.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/18 06:21 PM
1

First, try couples therapy. If you really, really wanted kids before, and the two of you really are that perfect together, you may have just gotten cold feet. Therapy will fix that. If you never did want children, but you kinda said you did because it kinda felt right at the time - you have to get out. It's a dick move, and it was a dick move to be dishonest with her, but it's not your duty to have children for someone else. Your marriage will be destroyed by the stress and the conflict of deali…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/18 06:19 PM
1

Updates?
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/18 06:06 PM
1

I can't wrap my head around why she would sign a quit-claim on a house that appreciated by $65k in 4 years. Is that even possible in AZ without an attorney and pages of other legal disclaimers and warnings?
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/18 06:05 PM
1

If you can part amicably, you're going to want that. See if she'll agree to mediation. 22 years is a long time and maintenance (alimony) is largely dependent on the length of the marriage. Sit down with a lawyer and an Excel spreadsheet and see what maintenance and child support are going to cost you for the next 20 years. If she doesn't agree to mediation, lawyer up fast. Do not sign anything. Absolutely do not leave your house for any reason. Do not talk to police. Please let us know how the c…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/18 05:52 PM
1

Use your phone. Any modern smartphone will record every call and every waking moment for a full week without filling up the drive.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/18 04:09 PM
1

It's a noble pursuit. Devil's advocate: the problem is finding a way for a judge to care, for CPS to act, and for domestic violence advocates to take you seriously. His ex harassing you isn't going to help modify custody. His ex harassing him isn't going to help modify custody. On what basis will you present this to family court? They need material changes to justify modifying custody arrangements.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/18 04:08 PM
3

Whose house? If it's in your name, you can ram down the door if you want. You don't need a petition or her permission. You can change the locks yourself and move back in, then call the cops as she pulls up to the house saying you're afraid for your life. This is the sort of shit that makes my blood boil. YOU ARE NOT ON THE DEFENSIVE so don't act like it. This is your house. You are not a villain. Warnings: she will try to pre-emptively file restraining order. Get one first. Make shit up if you h…
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/18 04:03 PM
1

Nope - New York. Fuck family attorneys.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/18 05:51 AM
1

Restraining Order. They're usually just vindictive pre-emptive asshole moves by spiteful STBXW's.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/18 08:16 PM
5

Do NOT back down. Go for 50/50. The mediator should help this happen. They know 99% of RO are bullshit. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/18 04:20 PM
1

Please see sidebar
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/18 12:17 AM
5

You need to start looking at her as your enemy and not as your 'friend who needs financial support'. Divorce means you're not accountable to each other anymore. Her bills are hers. Don't pay those. Get divorce done.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/18 10:48 PM
1

Your wife kidnapped your daughter. Call the police and a lawyer. Don't worry about the expense now.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/18 03:27 PM
2

That's not where I was headed, I don't think any court would require the recipient of child support to itemize expenses. It's incredibly patronizing, this is why we don't require the unemployed and welfare recipients to itemize they're spending either. My point to OP is that he should pay exactly and only the amount he is required by the court.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/18 03:52 AM
1

That's probably it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/18 08:59 PM
1

File for divorce and push for full custody. With the situation like yours your work is cut out for you.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/18 09:13 PM
1

I have to interject... the court views CS as sacrosanct. But luckily it is both the maximum you must pay AND the minimum you have to pay. Stick to the agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/18 08:07 PM
1

Your marriage doesn't have problems. You're just bored. Get counseling, you can fix this.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/18 08:04 PM
1

Grey stone. Read up on it. Don't react, don't reply, and don't play into her fight baiting. You have to be willing to file police reports and get restraining orders against her. This is very, very easily done in any family court and you'll get a temporary RO just for the asking.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/18 07:13 PM
2

Clothing, school expenses, food, and all other things are part of the child support you already paying. Stop paying anything that's not outlined in your divorce agreement. Do not communicate with her about it, she's trying to fight-bait.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/18 07:10 PM
3

Look - at 40, you're not a kid anymore. You don't have the irresponsibility of your teens to distract you. You don't have the uncertainty of your 20's to keep you on your toes. You don't have the learned anticipation of your 30's helping you make good decisions for yourself and your family. I don't think you need therapy, you probably just have a high threshold for stimulation but your life has become too boring and predictable. You're looking at what surrounds you - stability. No hobbies to pur…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/18 05:54 PM
1

This is the correct answer, thread closed.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/18 07:55 PM
8

Tough language ahead. No apologies, I'm calling this as I see it because I've seen this a lot. Rant begin: at this point we have agreed to make a very serious effort to work together for the benefit of our children. WAKE UP. Your STBX is hedging. Your wife abandoned you. You MUST have her arrested if she again takes your kids from your marital home. NOT having her arrested is tantamount to approving and validating her behavior. This passive acceptance is going to castrate your case when she serv…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/18 04:31 AM
1

A little follow-up, since we haven't heard back: If she hasn't filed yet, serve her first. Have your lawyer draw up a horrifyingly one-sided agreement, ie you get everything, she is allowed to walk out with the clothes on her back. There are 1154 guys here who know what the fuck I'm talking about and would do everything differently in retrospect. Protect your assets, savings, and investments (cash out / liquidate what you can now and give it to someone you trust - not a safe deposit box, not a m…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/18 03:13 AM
4

There should be a meetoo movement for fathers who got skewered in false abuse cases Damn right. #sheknowsshelied
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/18 02:58 AM
3

Good for you! It's a shame that dads have to consider it a "win" when we can successfully fight off lies. This is McCarthyism. There's no fucking way CPS would simply believe the same claim - and invest the time and money into such an investigation - if the complaint were against a woman. But a win is a win. Whatever the fuck is wrong with your ex, she's been taken down a notch and that's a good thing. Children don't deserve to be weaponized in divorce. Keep up the good work!
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/18 02:57 AM
1

Though an exception may exist, I must concur with /r/slobarnuts I haven't met a family lawyer who wasn't a shit eating scumbag That being said, what sorts of things are they asking for? If it's basic items like tax returns, just give it. You're going to have to present it to the judge during disclosure anyway. Then again, you don't have to provide anything to her attorney. Since you both have attorneys, that's the attorneys' jobs. Her attorney is not a federal investigator or a judge - you don't…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/18 07:22 PM
1

Thanks for the update - rules are a lot different in some states, and we have to consider the political environment as well.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/18 07:00 PM
1

Something tells me this is not a situation where self-representation or simply knowing the rules actually helps. I have a keen suspicion that they would gladly cannibalize and wallet-rape each other in any mildly contested case.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/18 05:08 PM
2

Your lawyer is a piece of shit, just like mine were (read sidebar)
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/18 04:11 AM
3

There's really no way back. Sorry. Marriage isn't 50/50, it's 100/100. She's giving 0. Do not leave your house. Read the sidebar. Lawyer up.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/18 04:10 AM
1

Please read sidebar - we need to know the state, whether you have started divorce, etc. You don't talk to her attorney. Your attorney talks to her attorney. Tell your attorney you don't want him handling things you don't want to pay him for.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/18 04:08 AM
2

My piece of shit ex did this. If your wife is anything like mine, the very first thing she'll do if she decides you've slighted her in any way is to stop paying for the car. She knows it's entirely in your name. You really can't do shit about it until the separation is converted to a divorce. Luckily, separation agreements are where you outline your contractual obligations. It's OK if she's paying on time, it's good for your credit. Put in the divorce agreement that she is responsible for the ca…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/18 04:07 AM
1

My attorney called me Friday, December 29th, and told me the trial would be postponed... for the 7th time. According to my attorney her lawyer "is going in for surgery on January 2nd" I asked for proof. I don't believe anything anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/18 02:45 PM
1

You can't change her. But it doesn't sound as if you want to leave either. Try /r/Marriage, /r/relationship_advice, or /r/depression for a broader and, honestly, more helpful response.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/18 10:46 PM
1

"Agreeing" to an amicable split is not the same as splitting amicably. Feel guilty later. You have a lot of business to think about and finances to manage. If she agrees to mediation, find a mediator and get that done ASAP. If she lawyers up, all bets are off.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/18 10:40 PM
6

Not for me! It was almost anticlimactic because it took 4 years to get to the actual divorce hearing. The joy was in knowing I wasn't going to live with that vindictive, nagging, lying, screaming, lazy, pretentious, asexual, accusatory, narcissistic, overbearing borderline asshole anymore. And that's a joy that won't ever go away.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/18 10:38 PM
3

Straighten up. Stay clean and sober. Exercise. Now for the truth: Your wife is not your responsibility anymore; she is her own responsibility. As she cannot care for your children anymore, you are the sole caregiver. They're going to be a handful and you won't have the time or attention to give your ex. It's time to adopt a mentality that accepts that your ex your enemy. Take advantage of this situation while you can. Get full custody because you won't get this opportunity again. You are fightin…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/18 10:35 PM
2

as /r/slobarnuts says - you don't want divorce advice. Please cross-post to /r/relationship_advice or /r/Marriage. This is the first post I can point to and say "your marriage doesn't have a problem, you do". And I mean that in the most gentle, informational, therapeutic way possible. This problem is in how you are processing your lifestyle, not in your marriage. Good luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/18 09:14 PM
1

If you can mediate, opt for it. Lawyers will bankrupt you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/18 09:11 PM
1

This is a negligible amount of money. Walk away from this. Your first round of legal retainers will cost you $10k, that is $5k for each of you. And it never stays at 5k once lawyers are involved. Walk away and continue living. Consider it a dodged bullet.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/18 09:07 PM
1

No court order? It's your home. I hope you're living there. If you aren't, move back. Not letting you see your kid? Abandonment. Not letting you into your house? Illegal. Left with the kid? Kidnapping. Pick your head up and stop thinking that because of one fault, you're not a worthy father or that your life is destroyed. Get on the offensive if you want to be present in your kid's life. Keep us updated.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/18 09:05 PM
1

Don't leave your house. If she leaves with your kids, call the police; they've been kidnapped. Don't take no for an answer, file a police report. Do not accept separation. You don't have to accept her decision to dissolve your marriage. If you can afford to lawyer up, do it. Some more tips: do NOT talk to police if divorce is inevitable, file a blisteringly one sided petition before she does do not talk to the police get a restraining order against her, for yourself and your kids, if you have to…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/18 09:02 PM
1

Looks like bankruptcy for me. Not because I have to; I could probably pay mine off in a few months. I'm doing it for spite. I've been in the home stretch of a divorce with a combative, narcissistic ex and two incapable family law firms. $64k and counting. No-fault state, irreconcilable differences, SA was agreed before we got lawyers, custody can't be challenged, bla bla bla. Keep in mind, nowhere is a Family Law attorney's skill advertised as "expedient legal resolutions at a fair price". Famil…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/18 08:59 PM
2

Sign nothing. You need to carefully review your SA before it hits the judge's desk. Your STBX sounds like a trash bag. Get CPS involved as intimately as possible. Given your state's position on recreational drugs, this is your foot in the door to sole/ primary custody.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/17 04:07 AM
2

Ages of you, the ex and the kids? Are you separated / divorced / have divorce agreement or SA yet? Lawyers involved? Is custody already determined? If there is a crime and your kids are around the crime, call the police. They aren't going to roll up in SWAT vehicles for a handful of pills, but they can investigate. Also if there is a crime and your kids are around the crime, call CPS. They will open their own investigation and then the ex really goes under the microscope. AL has some of the hars…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/17 09:23 PM
1

You can put whatever you want in your SA. IRA, insurance, the car, the coin collection, anything. Depends how much of an asshole your STBXW wants to be. Get it in writing. Be clear and be aggressive, and make your lawyer do the work you're paying him (her) to do.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/17 09:17 PM
3

State? Children? Own property together? What grounds are you thinking to file on? Regardless of the above, heed this: prepare first. Do not drop the d-bomb before Christmas. It's a shit thing to do. Put a smile on your face for your last holiday season as a married man. You know your situation. You know what the endgame is. With conviction comes the peace of mind knowing you are in control, even if all you're controlling is your own choices. If you're still being negative, you haven't truly deci…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/17 02:09 AM
1

A lot going on in this post. Are you divorced now?
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/17 02:52 PM
2

I'd keep them. You can choose not to look at them, share them or even like them. But if you destroy them, you won't have that choice. Put them in a container, like an ISO or VHD so they have an extra layer of abstraction (you'd have to mount the volume) and name it appropriately. You won't be able to "accidentally" look at them, and photo galleries won't be able to index them.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/17 02:50 PM
2

Understood. I hear you. You don't have to go anywhere. Nobody has you over a barrel. You are an elemental part of your household. The house you live in, rented / leased/ mortgaged or otherwise, is yours to live in whether you have the income capacity to pay half the rent or not. Your home is your home. Men are conditioned (by shitty pop culture tv shows, movies and celebrity shenanigans) to believe that they can be marginalized because of their gender, and their utility ends at their ability to …
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/17 06:00 AM
3

She cannot kick you out of your marital home. You cannot leave. Check recording laws for your state and if you can, record every interaction with your wife. She's going to try to make it very uncomfortable for you to stay. Marriage is a partnership. The wife is not the automatic divorce-lottery winner, executive decision maker, privileged head of household or default parent. She is one half of your marriage together. You are not the passive homemaker either. You are half of your marriage togethe…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/17 05:44 PM
1

What state?
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/17 05:21 PM
1

Please keep us updated!
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/17 05:20 PM
1

Thanks. Lived it. Shit goes from 0 to 100 real fast when that borderline kicks in. We go from planning the kids' extracurriculars together one week, to 30 minute long screaming tirades about my girlfriend touching their phones the next week. Crazy is crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/17 05:20 PM
2

Get a lawyer to handle it. You don't want to navigate this landscape alone. You don't have to do anything until you have to. I wouldn't make "amicable" a prime objective of your detachment from your fiance either, your life together is over. Fuck 'em.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/17 05:16 PM
3

First, be smart - don't talk to her about any plans to separate until you have collected a shit-ton of evidence. If it wasn't obvious to you before, she's planning on divorce too. That's why she stopped working. She's setting a precedent of being a "stay at home mom" to try to maximize alimony and child support. It won't work for her. /u/sdcoder is correct, parenting and not-being-a-cheating-sleazebag are two different things (we're sorry). I'd opt for a private investigator rather than spying o…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/17 05:14 PM
2

It's not a gift anymore. It's your property. It doesn't matter how much time has passed or what either of you did in the interim. That deed has your name on it. Get it out of your head that you are somehow less entitled to that property. Contract law and any court in the country will say the property is 1/3 yours (or whatever other proportion may be stated in the deed) simply by virtue of your name being on the deed. If you want to leave, let them buy you out. If you want them to leave, buy them…
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/17 01:40 AM
2

You're not married, this is simply 1/3 your property. Engagement isn't recognized any further than being a "promise" and depending on the state or a written contract, she may be entitled to the ring. The property is 1/3 yours. You don't need a lawyer. Empty the bank accounts of what's yours and make a quick departure, you're done here.'' I wonder what level of retribution you're prepared to deliver. If you want them to back off and buy you out with a smile on their faces, sue her for the ring in…
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/17 12:34 AM
2

I was considering removing the post but your response made it worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/17 03:23 PM
5

Thank you. There is no real happy ending - a lot of wasted energy, time and money. But a win is a win. Winning against someone with borderline personality disorder is not trivial. These people are used to threatening, coercing and scaring people into submission. I knew I was right and I kept fighting her, reminding her every step of the way that she had squandered her kids' inheritance fighting a bullshit case. She didn't care.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/17 04:47 PM
2

Thank you! 4 years of battling, and it's over without so much as a cross examination by her attorney. Amazing.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/17 04:38 PM
5

Don't leave your marital home. Don't leave your marital home. Don't leave your marital home. You are being too generous. Divorce is literally dissolution. You will no longer be a couple. Your finances are about to get real shitty real fast if you are sitting on $54k of student loans and you start staring down child support and alimony. Do the math. Consider a mediator and a separation agreement if you want, but as soon as that ball gets rolling, your home life is going to turn to absolute shit. …
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/17 12:43 AM
1

Need a little more context.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/17 12:32 AM
2

First, do not sign anything (or even hint that you will sign anything) until disclosure is complete. A lot can happen in 10 years. Don't go out of your way to make things "comfortable" for your ex and the kids. It looks like you're overcompensating and you are definitely overshooting. This is not a favor that will be returned and you're going to regret it. Stick with a boilerplate divorce agreement. If you want to buy a house for your kids, do it after you are divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/17 12:31 AM
6

CPS won't conclude anything. They don't have the time or resources to investigate any further than obvious bruises, burns, broken bones, poisoning or visible welts. You'll be fine. They have to look into every complaint, however thin the evidence. Rest assured that if / when your ex decides to press the issue, the burden is on her to prove abuse. CPS will react harshly if she's found to be pulling a Munchausen job on them. They see this shit all the time. Be cool, be honest with the CPS worker (…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/17 03:27 AM
3

I'm a big believer in "create the world you want to see". This doesn't mean your ex wife isn't a cheating piece of shit, but if you don't want to discuss your ex's infidelity, don't bring it up. And tell these gossiping nancies you don't feel like talking about it. If you do want to talk about it, these questions should be a big ego boost. It sounds as if they're incredulous as to how a woman would want to cheat on you. The way I'm reading it, you're either outstanding in the 'attractive' depart…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/17 07:20 PM
3

Upvoted for calculus to a cat. This could be the basis for a CN show.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/17 07:04 PM
1

You're welcome. Please subscribe, come back and update. We need to hear the good news too!
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/17 07:03 PM
1

I hear you. Ask your boss / director if he can work with you. Do what is necessary to keep any time you have with your son, because there will be a ratcheting effect. Your ex won't easily give back any time you voluntarily surrender, and she'll start planning for you to not take advantage of your parenting time. Whatever financial agreements you made in the divorce are already done; don't make it a point to bring this up in a child support hearing, they really hate people going back on agreement…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/17 03:53 PM
1

Here' some sober advice. First, you have a pretty decent custody split, aside from the 2 hour drive. 2:1 time in the summer is a dream. You should try meeting in the middle or trading road trips. Don't agree to any changes in your parenting time. Why does your location have any bearing on what parenting time you agreed on? If custody was already determined in the divorce, it's very unlikely to change. You would have to present clear and very convincing evidence of abuse, neglect or criminality. …
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/17 01:26 AM
2

Agreed. Those are echo chambers. Someone probably starts one of those forums with the intent to help and be supportive, but mob mentality quickly takes over and it becomes a madhouse. Why is your wife talking to a divorce recovery group if you're still married?
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/17 07:46 PM
2

Thank you, we need this! Especially at this time of year. Keep being awesome and your kids will remember it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/17 07:44 PM
1

Got it, thanks for clarifying. I really feel for you - I can tell you I know exactly what you're going through. The insanely liberal NY county I live in is the same. I hope you get to call your kids at night or during the day or whenever you want. 31 hours every other week isn't so bad an arrangement. I've gone full months without seeing my kids because my ex would fuck around with parenting time schedules and leave the state with my kids right before my planned vacations with them. Keep yoursel…
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/17 07:42 PM
1

Why do you have court appointed time if the divorce hasn't been signed off yet? You'd just be going by the terms of the S.A., which is largely unenforceable.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/17 02:16 AM
1

Wait... Did someone on the phone tell you that you can't see your kids? Did you get a case number, badge or anything else referencing that person's authority? CPS doesn't mandate parental visitation. Either you're leaving a lot out of the story or someone is just fucking with you.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/17 02:14 AM
1

Luckily anonymous accusations don't count for much. And 'open' CPS investigations don't mean anything. They have their hands full with things like abandonment, neglect, drugs, and prostitution... You know, actual child endangerment.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/17 02:11 AM
1

Verify. CPS doesn't just bar you from seeing your kids because of a phone call. If they suspected actual endangerment, the police would have been at your door. Did you record the call?
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/17 12:03 AM
2

It really looks like the two of you are on pretty good terms. If you're in agreement with child care costs, keep it that way. If you want the costs to be pro rata by income, write that in. Make sure it does not require judge's signature. Hopefully you two can continue to be honorable. Life insurance: the owner of the policy is what's important here. When you die, your policy is transformed to cash. This cash amount becomes part of your estate. If you die with $150k in collections and a $100k pol…
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/17 08:36 PM
1

Update?
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/17 07:34 PM
1

It doesn't matter what she says she wants. You two have to get counseling to get your marriage back on track or make a clean break. Don't half ass this (read my previous reply to the post)
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/17 07:34 PM
1

Don't leave your marital home. Move your shit back into the apartment. It's yours too. "Wanting" divorce is not the same as filing for separation or filing for divorce. "Thinking" is a bullshit term used by cheaters and Axis II narcissists. This is not done in the vacuum of a household absent a spouse. Get counseling. Do not agree to move out. Do not sign anything. Do not talk to her lawyer, do not communicate with police. If your wife is engineering a divorce, she's doing it in the most spinele…
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/17 07:33 PM
1

Some things you never think of until after the fact: Right of first refusal Do not share child care costs. This way neither of you can skip town for a week and stick the other with half of frivolous day care costs. Do not allow moving more than x miles away without express written consent Can't travel out of state, out of country, or change name without the other Both of you have to communicate and agree on medical decisions (except for emergencies), educational decisions, religious decisions Yo…
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/17 07:28 PM
1

That's why we're here. If you think divorce is the easier way out, this sub has 990 users who can tell you otherwise. Find a CSW in your area. Your health insurance most likely covers psychological counseling, evne if it's the shittiest insurance possible. CSW or psychologist may offer to consume the insurance payout and only accept a $5 or $10 copay. Nothing gets better without change. Your wife (and you) can sacrifice the frivolities now, or you can sacrifice financial security for the rest of…
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/17 07:13 PM
3

Bankruptcy can take a heavy toll on the strongest of relationships. Divorce is not necessarily the answer. You've lived your lives together for a number of years, and barely survived to this point - but you survived together. Consider a CSW for couples counseling first. Make sure she knows it's about the 2 of you collectively, not about you being worthless or about her being a combative asshole. Neither of you is in a position to take on life alone now anyway. Give it another sincere shot. Your …
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/17 02:36 AM
2

Assuming you don't have an active restraining order restricting contact with your daughter, you have quite a few options. You can pay to privately message her on FB. Here's what I found: | Just start a new message, enter person's name you want to send the message to. Then click "More information". Then it should give you the option to send it directly to the person's inbox by paying $1. But then again, she's 15. They don't like Facebook any more than adults do. Look for her on Instagram, not Fac…
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/17 01:59 AM
0

Do not move out, there is no requirement and no reason for you to move. This would seriously work against you when determining custody if a separation or divorce happens. The decision to move was not well thought out, but here you are, so let's work with what you have. It's time to stop entertaining the idea of divorce. You have no resources and none of you can survive on your own. Make sure you are vocal in not agreeing that there should be any type of separation. Derail your wife's attempt to …
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/17 01:50 AM
1

Her attorney, like a vast majority of family law attorneys, is a cunt.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/17 01:31 AM
1

Do not post to social media, period. It never works in your favor. The judge revoked half your mutually agreed parenting time with your child?
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/17 08:00 PM
1

Thank you! I'm living it. If you liked that one, here's a better one: There's a reason divorce is expensive: because it's worth it. No-fault state, irreconcilable differences, she hired her own attorney behind my back and filed for separation after we agreed to mediation. I even paid half of her attorney fees then. Lucky for me, my career took off immediately following the separation and she locked herself out of alimony, enhanced earnings, my retirement fund and social security. She's erased ou…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/17 04:26 PM
3

Do not leave your house, no matter what. Check recording laws for your state and take advantage of them. File police reports and get RO against your wife (for you and your child) if at all necessary do this before she has a chance to. This sub isn't necessarily pro-divorce. Before you make any decisions, think about your child and your future. If your relationship is strained (which it most certainly is if you're filing BK) please consider counseling first. Teach your child that things can be fi…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/17 02:55 PM
1

That's a clean break and totally worth it if you ask me. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/17 02:22 PM
2

There is no good answer for this. Do not attempt to go to trial pro se. My ex was handed a hard lesson in life trying to do this in Family Court when she tried to modify child support herself (with no reason except that she wanted to lock in the pro rata share before she started a new job making 3 times as much as she had previously). Unable and clueless as to how court works, it was thrown out and the petition rejected with prejudice. If you care about your kids this is a fight you will take to…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/17 02:20 PM
2

Step 1 is do not leave your house. The details of your separation have to be in writing before you make any moves. Step 2 is do not leave your house. This is your home as much as it is your wife's and your children's. Don't prostrate yourself, cave in, and run away. And certainly not now. If you leave your house this could be construed as abandonment. It's more likely than not that your wife already knows this. Do you have a mortgage? Is every utility and insurance under your name? You're going …
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/17 02:16 PM
1

State? Kids? When was divorce filed / when is your court date? Is support / maintenance agreed upon in writing?
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/17 02:10 PM
3

Do not give in to hopelessness or despair. Your life will continue for you and your family. Make it the best you can. Come back here for support and pay it forward.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/17 12:56 AM
1

There is a provision "enhanced income potential" if your spouse was instrumental in helping you achieve this peak income. If you two are able to come to a reasonable agreement in the stipulation, then you will be in a much better place than if you were to throw all of your money at lawyers. Divorce lawyers love it when you are willing to cut off your nose to spite your face (or your ex). I wish you luck in finding an amicable and mutually beneficial compromise. You're starting off in a far bette…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/17 11:04 PM
3

Hard stop. Verbal agreements are unenforceable. You need to talk to your lawyer and not your wife. Your wife is now your enemy (you two will soon be known as "adversary" in court). Get used to this nomenclature because it accurately describes your positions relative to one another. Your intentions are mutually opposed. Spousal support is decided in the stipulation or divorce agreement. It can be what you agree to. Don't prostrate yourself and give your STBX everything she wants. She will gladly …
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/17 10:01 PM
2

Your friend's thinking is skewed. In almost every situation the person who files first has the upper hand. It's the person who abandons the family who will end up getting the shit end. Your friend needs to lawyer up, make the first move, and get on the offensive.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/17 03:15 AM
1

Still need a lawyer. This can be a mediator who works for both of you. Good on both of you for going about it so sensibly. In the end, the separation or divorce agreement is the legal outline for both your responsibilities. Do not half-ass this. You need it in writing and you need it done properly by an attorney. You are at serious risk for either hanging yourself for 20 years or leaving your balls on the table. Imagine that she is far more clever than you think she is. Get a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/17 03:12 AM
1

You don't want any part of that. Think of the long game.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/17 03:03 AM
1

Thank you my friend. This sub has been a neglected graveyard since being abandoned by its last mod; a proper metaphor for our society's regard for fathers and dads in divorce. I'm pushing to adopt this sub, please subscribe, visit and support your brothers.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/17 04:47 AM
1

In your separation agreement you have to sue for full custody. It isn't worth your time and money to sue for less because it will be tied up in court with a combative ex anyway. You have to get on the offensive. Offer no compromise unless it comes with concessions in your favor.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/17 06:32 PM
1

Best interest of the child is for both parents to stop being assholes and fix their problems instead of demonstrating to their children a casual willingness to dissolve their family. In the cases where that isn't possible (welcome to /r/divorce_men) GAL may enter a finding, but it still has to be an answer to a specific petition. Sue for full custody.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/17 05:47 PM
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