6 years ago this was an abandoned sub with 700 members and no moderator. In 12 months it grew to 2K. A year later, 9K. Deep in the throes of the nastiest divorce and custody battles I'd ever even heard of, I just had to share my stories - my observations, disappointments and victories - with my brothers out there going through the same struggles I was. Reaching out for help in other subs was an exercise in futility because my situation was so different from the comparatively "easy" divorces I was reading about.

Three years into a grueling eight year divorce and custody battle, I was burned out and modding was just overwhelming. I was internalizing every custody fight I read about, losing sleep over tales of financial sabotage, sharing your PTSD over false arrests, emptied bank accounts and lost parenting time. I learned to take an entire day off work for each court date because I was completely drained from the suspense and inevitable disappointment. I just didn't have the bandwidth or the stomach to handle it.

I needed help moderating. I reached out to this community, and I got that help from my co-moderator /u/MNCPA (thanks buddy!) Feeling a lot better nowadays, and we're putting some more effort into moderating this sub, curating its rules and honestly a lot of housecleaning and troll-banning.

Divorce is hard. Court is exhausting. It all takes a toll on you so please, please make sure you're taking care of yourselves. Don't drink, because no problem ever went away with booze. Exercise, even if it's just a daily walk around the block. Find a results-oriented therapist and if you're not getting results, get a new therapist. Avoid social media and news as much as possible; if you need to get lost, read a self-help book or watch a movie. Anything but the fake realities of the Face/Insta/Tok/Twit mind poisons. Declutter your life and make room for the things that matter. Work on yourself. If you have kids, make sure you're the best dad you can be every day. Find a safe and productive outlet for your frustrations. Reconnect with family and friends. Get sleep.

Most of us aren't going to get that happy ending (oh stop it) we were hoping for. Hold your chin up, dig in your heels but also choose your battles carefully. One day the sun will rise on your new life. It won't be tomorrow, it might not even be next year. But that day will come. Speaking as someone who considered leaving everything behind, I can tell you that none of it was easy but it was worth it.

So yesterday I look in my modmail inbox... 21K members? Impressive! Still, I don't ever want this sub on the front page, because with that attention comes more negative attention from trolls and the obvious opposite-interest groups. Keep it clean and keep it civil in here, responding to reports takes up a majority of the time we spend moderating.

I am proud and humbled to have you all here sharing your stories and advice and the occasional rant (keep it civil, seriously, you know what I'm talking about). Remember this is a support sub, and we need to support our brothers with hope, sober advice and positivity.

Lately a phrase has been popping up in posts and it really fits the sub so I'm going to make it the closer of this post:

"You got this".