~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 7 | Reliving the divorceAlways, always trust your gut. That little voice is the one you should be listening to. You proposed to her to make her happy. I’m not breaking your balls, but that is the fatal mistake a lot of us make. Focus on what makes you happy. It’s your life and your purpose is not to make others happy. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/03/26 03:28 PM |
| 4 | Reliving the divorceSimilar to other commenters, I had a emotional/physical reaction to reading this. My man, why in the world would you continue down the path, heck why start it, of getting married again? You and YOUR kids are the only things that matter. If it’s this horrible and you’re not legally connected to the fiancé, cut bait and reclaim your life. It’s only going to get worse for you if you marry this person. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/03/26 02:42 PM |
| 3 | Something I keep noticing about men in the middle of divorceIt’s means people who go through divorce age 50+. I was 52 when my ex told me she was done. So, I am in the grey divorce statistic. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/01/26 02:02 AM |
| 2 | Anyone here do an assumable mortgage?Consider the term “simply” is being used loosely. I completed my assumption with Chase and it took a year. My unsolicited advice: If you question or wonder if they want something included in their document request(s) then provide it with an explanation. Basically, over share so there are no open questions. Make sure you have the divorce decree in hand and have your ex sign the quit claim to the deed before you start the process. Lastly, have it written in your divorce agreement that you have at … | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/12/25 01:26 PM |
| 7 | Ashamed of my inability to get over what caused the divorce. I’ve become so cruel. I need to get this off my chest. I’m not a good person anymore.Early on in my divorce I would daydream about any and all horrific things to happen to my ex. The crueler and more damaging the better. I wanted her to pay for her betrayal in the most wicked ways possible. You know what it did for me? Nothing. Growing and intensifying hate only hurts you as it was hurting me. Your ex betrayed you, your anger and hate are justified, but they are doing you no good. She is now only someone that you used to know who made her own bed. Let her lie in it without your … | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/11/25 06:04 PM |
| 1 | Reminders Of Being SingleGood suggestions and I appreciate you commenting. If it’s worthwhile I’ll update. As these things usually go, the reality will probably be a lot less dramatic than what one’s imagination think it may be. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/11/25 11:44 PM |
| 3 | Buying out of mortgageIf your mortgage company allows it, a loan assumption. You’ll have to come up with the $180k separately though. My assumption process took one year, a lot of patience and a lot of documents sent to the mortgage company. Worth it though as I kept the rate and no reset of the amortization schedule. And you’d also have to rely on the patience of your ex to wait until she’s off the mortgage. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/10/25 11:10 PM |
| 2 | How often do judges overrule agreements a couple makes for themselvesI guess states are just different. Our divorce/settlement agreement only covered division of assets and custody/CS was a whole separate procedure. CS could not be formally waived, but again, I simply chose not to go through the process to collect from her. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/09/25 11:08 AM |
| 2 | How often do judges overrule agreements a couple makes for themselvesWhy would he be required to pay CS? I had primary custody of my daughter and I chose not to file for CS, I’m in PA, and the state didn’t require her to pay me. I know CS can’t be waived by agreement, but one parent can just choose not to collect. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/09/25 10:56 AM |
| 22 | My wife is whoring aroundI posted last year when I learned my ex found her new guy 6 weeks after telling me she wanted a divorce. We were together just shy of 22 years and 20 years married. One comment that stuck with me was - it’s not a bug, it’s a feature my man. Though your story is unique to you, it is not unique to just about every man here. You’ll never make sense of it because it simply doesn’t make sense. Let her go and accept this is who she is, you now see her with the mask off. Many men before us have made it… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/08/25 01:43 PM |
| 5 | Divorce Finalized – Ex Won’t Refinance as Ordered, Wants Me to Initiate Assumption Instead.This doesn’t make sense. The sole purpose of an assumption is to remove one person from the loan so it’s in the other person’s name only. There is absolutely nothing for you to assume, it’s already in your name. Make her refinance or sell it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/07/25 12:00 AM |
| 1 | Wife doesn't want child support. Any work arounds?Child support is not mandatory as in someone has to pay just because it can be paid. It cannot be waived, even in an agreement. I had primary custody of my daughter and I chose not to collect from my ex wife. If your ex doesn’t want it then she doesn’t have to, or won’t, file for it while she’s the eligible one to collect it. It’s a completely separate and distinct process and even if you agree to a more lucrative asset division for her regarding the divorce because she says she doesn’t want CS,… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/07/25 12:01 PM |
| 9 | Saw this nice house and got annoyedYesterday was the 2 year mark from when she dropped her bomb. And two months from now we would have been empty nesters with both kids in college. We were so close to being able to take on the world together again and do whatever we wanted. The perfect time to just focus on the two of us, but no, she chose herself over her marriage and family. Hard to shake the what ifs, but have to keep plowing forward. | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/06/25 06:12 PM |
| 3 | QDROsDo you have a general clause in your agreement that the other party has to sign applicable documents or take appropriate action, doesn’t have to be just for QDRO, to complete the agreed upon terms? My agreement stipulates that if the other party doesn’t, then they are on the hook for both parties legal fees and all court costs. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/05/25 07:43 PM |
| 2 | Why do men become the boiled frog so often?Affair Partner | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/03/25 10:46 AM |
| 7 | Anyone walk away from the dogs in a divorce?I feel awfully guilty what I’m about to write, because I seem to be the only one who takes this position, but I was left with both dogs, English labs, and a cat. They are all great animals and anyone would be grateful to have them. But I don’t. I never signed up to be a single pet owner and I simply don’t want the responsibility. As I am getting further away from the divorce and resetting my life both emotionally and financially, I’m ready to start living again. But I am chained to the house by … | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/03/25 08:18 PM |
| 4 | I know this is stupid…I thank my lucky stars she wasn’t a sports fan. Like you I just couldn’t watch shows or series because I felt like I should be watching them with her. Since she wasn’t into sports there wasn’t that built in connection to her and I could watch them uninhibited. What people don’t realize is how divorce affects everything in your life. From the huge to the mundane. This person was woven into your life for so long, and then poof, they’re gone. It’s not stupid how you feel, it’s natural, and I’m sure… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/01/25 05:36 PM |
| 8 | Did you ever reconcile after the divorce?I’ve read a lot of great advice, sayings and one liners since I joined this sub back in June 2023, but: “I’m living my life as if I never knew you” has risen to the top. Just superb. | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/01/25 12:43 AM |
| 7 | I loved my wife and the life we had, I’m doubtful I’ll find another woman like her.What you’re looking for can’t be found in a woman. Your happiness and completeness comes from within and looking for it elsewhere is a fool’s errand. Take the time now to rediscover who you are as a man and when the time comes you’ll be in the right place to have a woman compliment your life, not define it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/01/25 09:51 PM |
| 9 | Are any of you in this group on good terms with your ex?Not in the slightest. She treated me with such contempt from the moment she told me she wanted to divorce it was like we never were together. The only communication is through an email address I set up just for her. No alimony and no child support since I have primary custody of my daughter, my son is 19, and once she turns 18 that email address will be permanently deleted and all direct lines of communication between my ex and I will cease. A very profound and useful quote I read on this sub is… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/12/24 07:36 PM |
| 5 | Divorce sleep problemsI do not miss those nights. When I was in the thick of it my one brother told me about liquid zzzquil and holy hell it was a life saver. You wake up in the morning thinking, “huh, I fell asleep and stayed asleep”. You don’t feel groggy at all either, no weird side effects. | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/12/24 11:25 AM |
| 10 | The Positives of Divorce?My relationship with my kids has greatly improved. They’re older, 17 & 19, but I feel like myself when with them and there’s no competition with the ex. My ex didn’t grow up with her Dad and I always felt like she didn’t appreciate the role of a father and it was this constant push and pull with her. I took all the blame as to the reason for the divorce and was told what a terrible person I am, I’m a narcissist and she questioned if I even liked myself. If I’m that bad of a person, why do I have… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/12/24 09:51 PM |
| 2 | Ex Is Asking for a Key to My House (Eq. Distribution Isn't Finalized). I'm Not Sure What Boundary I Can Legally Set.Early on, after my ex had moved out, I declined her request to come into the house for something even though she was still on the deed at the time. She huffed and puffed and was going to call her attorney but nothing came of it. I suppose she didn’t want to deal with the drama if she pressed the issue. Your ex does have the right to access the house, but maybe speak with your attorney about filing for exclusive use of the house to keep her out? Not sure how successful that would be but worth a s… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/12/24 06:51 PM |
| 6 | Did anyone else lose their sense of attraction?Same here. I’m separated since June 2023 and divorced since April 2024. I just don’t see the point of it. I see attractive women, but thinking about actually being coupled with them? I just have a meh reaction. My son, 19, has asked a couple times when I’ll start dating and my last response was I’m not sure I can trust another woman again. Plus, still working on my financial recovery and that continues to be my top priority. My ex? Jesus, she was dating 7 weeks after ending our almost 20 year ma… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/12/24 01:19 PM |
| 5 | What new hobbies or interests have you started since the separation/divorce?I feel you on this one. I used to be so full of energy during deer season; archery and gun. I actually get an extra month in January where I live so it runs from mid September through end of January. But, the last two years I don’t even care about it. Unfortunately I still associate it with my pre-divorce life and I can’t shake it. We’ll see if I ever get back out again, but the excitement I used to associate with it is just gone. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/12/24 10:55 PM |
| 5 | Met the other guy“She’s going to suck his joy and energy out of him.” My ex is the physical manifestation of the thief of joy so I know exactly what you mean. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/11/24 01:56 AM |
| 1 | Wife agreed on 50/50 visitation and backed outI had no problem formalizing 50/50, so yes, I had a say. But, we were on an informal schedule my daughter was comfortable with and was staying with me more. The only reason my ex wanted the actual order was because she wanted to file for CS once the divorce was finalized. As someone else commented she is changing it up now because she wants to avoid paying you CS. And yes, do not leave your house. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/11/24 02:53 PM |
| 1 | Wife agreed on 50/50 visitation and backed outYou tell her the divorce proceedings are on hold until the custody order you want is in place. Please, get a lawyer. My ex stopped the negotiations until the then custody order was in place. She had that power because she threatened to file for temporary spousal support if we didn’t come to terms on custody. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/11/24 02:45 PM |
| 2 | Wife agreed on 50/50 visitation and backed outGet a lawyer immediately. Not only should you demand 50/50, but if she makes that much more than you, you should also be entitled to at least temporary spousal support while proceedings are ongoing as well as alimony and child support. Please recognize you are in the drivers seat and make no mistake she would do the exact same to you if the financial roles were reversed. She is not your wife anymore. She is your adversary in a lawsuit. The only people that matter to you now are you and your kids… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/11/24 02:41 PM |
| 7 | The Grief hits at weird timesFirst, your train story is great and I smiled when reading it. So, you’ve got another internet stranger that you were able to share that moment with. To put into perspective about you feeling like your best years were wasted, I was 52 with two kids when my now ex dropped her bomb. I went through my entire 30s and 40s with someone who I thought I’d spend my life with. She was 50 when she went through her self-proclaimed journey of figuring out who she is and is now who she’s supposed to be. You a… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/11/24 12:26 PM |
| 25 | Been 2 years….I’ve commented before that my immediate fear as soon as my ex told me she wanted a divorce was that I was going to be alone the rest of my life. That was 16 months ago, divorce was final this past April. I don’t have that fear anymore. I’m in my home, have primary custody of my daughter, my son lives with me when he’s home from college and I’m finally able to save money after getting through the divorce debt. There’s a tranquility in my life now that I haven’t had in a while. I often question if… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/10/24 11:26 PM |
| 4 | My son wants me to take care of my sick ex-wifeGotcha, my bad for assuming, but that’s what seems to be the majority in this sub. Regardless, she is not your wife and you are not her husband. I appreciate she is the mother of your son but you are not required to be there for her. Marriage is obviously a voluntary agreement and you are not obligated or expected to provide anything for her now that the marriage has ended. I too lived the life of being with a woman that was allergic to affection coupled with a non-existent libido and know it’s … | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/10/24 05:27 AM |
| 2 | My son wants me to take care of my sick ex-wifeI am going to assume she’s the one to initiate the divorce? If so, this is the life she chose and she chose not to have you in it. This is what divorce means, she is no longer your concern or responsibility. You’re obviously a good person for even posting this and I appreciate where you’re coming from, but you being there as a support person is something you would have done as her husband, but you’re not anymore. You are not a bad person. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/10/24 05:07 AM |
| 4 | Having a hard time coping with something that should be the least of my worriesThis is what worked for me. I would sit with my eyes closed and visualize every filthy, over the top caveman shit some guy would do to her. At first I could only do it for a minute or two because it was wrecking me. But over time I just became numb to it the more times I did it. If I think of it now, it elicits no emotion at all. She may as well be a stranger in my mind. My ex is also attractive and fit and it was devastating at first to think about. But, if you force yourself to see the whole a… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/10/24 08:44 PM |
| 5 | Did anyone else see sock day as a huge relief?It was a relief that the process itself was just over. Mine was completed in the blink of an eye compared to you at 10 months, but every dollar I spent on my lawyer just to formalize what she was getting from me was maddening. I wasted just over $20k in legal fees just so she could get $400k in her cash and prizes. I had no reaction at all once the final decree hit my inbox, wasn’t joyous or sad, it just was. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/09/24 07:39 PM |
| 4 | Light blub momentI feel this to my core. My ex earns very good money but man, did she spend. Since she’s moved out I’m now able to save and my utilities are markedly down. We had separate bank accounts but I guess since I opened it for her it was considered joint so I could see her activity. At one point her balance was $.07, I couldn’t believe it. After she moved out, and until the account was closed, I could still see all the transactions and she no less than 6 times went into the negative. She actually borrow… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/09/24 05:12 PM |
| 1 | 17yr old son wants to live with me and only visit his mom every now and then.PA and yes. She didn’t like it and tried to change my daughter’s mind but she wasn’t having it. My daughter was adamant about living with me so there really wasn’t anything my ex could do. Within a week of my daughter telling us this modified custody and vacated support orders were signed. | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/09/24 12:06 PM |
| 1 | 17yr old son wants to live with me and only visit his mom every now and then.This is not accurate. Our 50/50 custody order was modified after 2 months of it being signed. My daughter wanted to live with me and I did just that. Worked through attorneys and I now have primary custody with modified order. | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/09/24 10:54 AM |
| 5 | 17yr old son wants to live with me and only visit his mom every now and then.This exact thing happened with me. 2 months after formal 50/50 custody order was signed, my daughter, 16 at the time, wanted to live with me. No court appearance and no judge. My ex tried to get my daughter to live only with her and threatened my daughter she’d have to go in front of the judge, but none of that is necessary. Custody order was modified and now I have primary custody and the CS order was vacated. All handled through our attorneys. Don’t delay, get on it immediately. If your ex is … | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/09/24 10:50 AM |
| 1 | STBX keeps complaining about inconvenience as a reason to get physical custodyI wanted to post my own reply but it’s easier to just say ditto to this. | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/09/24 08:27 PM |
| 9 | Got INSANE job offer. Can’t be happy.11 days after my ex told me she wanted a divorce my promotion was official, a promotion that is life changing. She was still living in the house and I went to tell her and I was getting inundated with congratulatory emails from work colleagues. I told her the one person on the entire planet I wanted to celebrate with, her, and I couldn’t. She didn’t even say anything, just shrugged her shoulders and lifted her eyebrows with an “oh well”. She didn’t hesitate to ask about my new compensation becau… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/09/24 03:39 PM |
| 2 | Ok to go through life as a single dad?Your opening paragraph is exactly where I’m still at. I’m 15 month post separation and 5 month post divorce. I just don’t see the point right now. I did what I was “supposed” to do. Get married, have kids, raise them, build career and save for our retirement, etc., etc. I feel like it’s taking a step backwards to start a new relationship. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/09/24 12:45 PM |
| 6 | Went looking for answers..Rock bottom.Yes, I wouldn’t have known I was one unless I was diagnosed by my ex. Thank God for pop culture psychology, where would we be without it? | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/09/24 08:25 PM |
| 2 | I think I’m too picky/ hypocriticalI’m 53 and would prefer to meet a woman without kids. I think it’s because I don’t come from a broken home and I just can’t grasp being in the life of another man’s children. My ex on the other hand? Her Mom went through 2 divorces and her last step Dad basically raised her. I guess it’s no surprise that she immediately started dating a guy who had a 10 year old. Step families are the norm for her. Mine are older, 17 & 19, so the raising of younger kids is done. I get I may be hypocritical/selfi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/09/24 04:11 PM |
| 6 | Where can I get nice but cheap in priced shower towels?Costco, hands down. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/09/24 02:46 PM |
| 5 | Knew it was coming...Your 2nd paragraph is exactly what I spoke to my therapist about today. My ex told me she wasn’t happy for years and our marriage was dead for years. You know who didn’t know that? Me. Would have been nice if she communicated that, but all it says is she had no interest in saving or fixing anything. That’s on them, not us. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/09/24 12:15 AM |
| 5 | Ugh.I posted a few months ago when I learned my ex had jumped into a new relationship with the first guy that came along 7 weeks after telling me she wanted to divorce, and we were married just shy of 20 years. There was one line a commenter left that resonated so well for me and I think of it often: It’s a feature, not a bug my man. Her whoring around is not a reflection on you whatsoever. She’s following the blue print of what so many of our exes here have done. It’s painful and it hurts to know h… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/09/24 03:41 PM |
| 3 | Money Grubber Bot?I set up a specific email address for her, blocked her on everything else, and turned on vacation/out of office auto-reply. That auto message states that only those emails that require a reply to remain in compliance with the divorce agreement, custody and support orders will be considered for response. If the email meets those requirements then I will reply when I’m able. Set it and forget it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/09/24 11:21 AM |
| 2 | Any Personal ExperienceAll is fair in love and war and I would hold onto that primary custody order as best you can. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/09/24 10:17 PM |
| 4 | Any Personal ExperienceAssuming since you have primary custody on paper you’re not paying child support? My daughter, 16 at the time, would split time between me and my ex based on an unofficial schedule so there was no child support. My ex then formally requested a 50/50 custody order back in February and I had no problem with that because she had told me earlier in the year she didn’t want child support from me. Well, my first mistake was believing her. As soon as the ink was dry on the divorce agreement she filed f… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/09/24 08:35 PM |
| 3 | Just Wondering - Were you warned about Divorce?You’re not alone. We always had dogs, she left me with 2 of them, and I swear to God I was envious of the affection she gave them. I would watch her with them and think, why can’t you give me a 1/4 of what you’re giving them. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/09/24 11:38 AM |
| 6 | Ex starting drama about how I ignore her fianceHow do you make sense of the senseless? You don’t. As you state, the only thing about this guy that you should care about is how he is with your child. Other than that, he’s as insignificant as a leaf blowing by in the wind. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/09/24 06:12 PM |
| 11 | Why do I do this?She doesn’t want you in her life and not helping her is part of what that means. I would argue what you’re showing your son is that you have no boundaries and even if a woman discards you she can still have power over you. He’ll respect you more if you stand up for yourself. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/09/24 11:51 AM |
| 2 | Arbitrary custody decisions by stbxw - how to respond?Obviously defer to your lawyer, but who is she to say she will not “allow” you drive them. You’re their goddamn father and have every right to be with them an equal amount of time and care for them as you see fit when they’re with you. You’re not relegated to anything simply because she says so. Get and stick to that 50/50 because it’s what you want, not solely on what she decides. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/08/24 01:25 AM |
| 9 | I make double what she does, I pay no support @ 50/50 custodyIf I’m reading your title correctly, you’re currently not paying CS at all? I believe CS can’t be waived, at least in PA, and even if it was in our agreement it would be meaningless. A parent can choose not to collect but at anytime can if they decide to. I agree with everyone else, not a penny to her unless court ordered, but if she wants to file to collect there’s not much you can do. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/08/24 05:59 PM |
| 7 | Feeling very lonelyMan, your 3rd and 4th sections are carbon copy to my ex and how I felt, eerily so. I simply don’t know what it feels like to be desired or someone wanting to show affection or provide intimacy. I still have no interest in another relationship but if/when I am, I’m afraid I won’t trust those attributes in a woman because I went so long without them and won’t believe they’re genuine. I’m still healing and working on myself, as we’re the only ones to really know how we should be loved and who bette… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/08/24 01:55 PM |
| 20 | My wife wants a divorceMy two cents, nurses are paid very well these days so make sure you read up on nurses wages in your area. The higher the number, the higher they can impute her income. I damn well know nurses can make well over $100k. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/08/24 12:32 AM |
| 6 | Check in - 2 years and countingSorry you’re still going through it, the irrationality of some people will not ever make sense. Your #5 is what resonated the most for me. I’m keeping the house we had built back in 2010, it’s the home my kids grew up in. Financially it made the most sense with today’s market, but it’s countered with living in a tomb of a life that once was. I find myself daydreaming of moving into another house in a new neighborhood in a different town where I don’t know anyone. There’s this peacefulness in thi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/08/24 07:05 PM |
| 3 | Self careThanks. I’ve forever been on the cusp of committing to golf but haven’t followed through. I enjoy it, but it’s the potential of the social aspect via a men’s group that will be beneficial for me. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/08/24 02:20 PM |
| 3 | Self careWhat is the men’s club you joined? Was it through a golf course or independent of that? | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/08/24 01:25 PM |
| 1 | Litigious ex-wifeGotcha. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/08/24 01:21 PM |
| 1 | Litigious ex-wifeWhy do you need her signature if the HELOC is only in your name? We had a joint HELOC and I refinanced it to my name only and didn’t need her to do anything. Has she signed the quit claim to the house? | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/08/24 01:17 PM |
| 12 | Back to square one.I too have leaned on this sub for support and I can say it saved my life. It’s an incredible group of people. However, similar to trying to convince a smoker to stop smoking, ultimately it’s up to them to make the decision for themselves. We have received invaluable advice, guidance and support from people we don’t even know but it’s up to us individually to put all of that into practice. You still have her on a pedestal like she’s the only woman on this planet that’s worth anything. She’s not. … | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/08/24 12:40 PM |
| 10 | Beginning or end?By the end you just want the process to be over with. I didn’t feel anything once I got the decree, but I do clearly remember when I found out she was in her lawyer’s office signing the divorce agreement, the sense of relief that it was over gave me an immense feeling of peace. The beginning was god awful, wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/08/24 11:03 PM |
| 6 | How to deal with upcoming AnniversarySorry man, but it’s a hard no. Do not reach out and acknowledge it. My ex dropped her bomb exactly 4 months before our 20th anniversary. I treated it as just another day and was actually sitting in a classroom as part of the safety course for my motorcycle license. That day holds no significance to her anymore, and as hard as it seems, it should not hold any significance for you either. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/08/24 09:45 PM |
| 2 | Near death by 1000 cuts. But I survived 15 years and a 3 year divorce process. Talk from the other side.So funny, earlier this weekend I was thinking of your post from 340 days ago. When I originally read it, I was still in the early stages of my separation and I was a total mess. I do remember thinking I hope someday I feel the same as you described. Wouldn’t say I’m there just yet, I’m at the tail end of paying off the divorce debt so the tentacles of divorce are still attached, but 100x better than I was this time last year. Glad things are still going well for you, keep up the good work. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/08/24 09:37 PM |
| 7 | Please help.It’s one of the necessary evils of divorce, finding out your ex has a new man. My ex was in a new relationship 7 weeks after telling me she wanted a divorce, and we were together for 22 years. It wouldn’t have mattered if it was 10 years later, the reality that you’ve been replaced hits hard. It’s a horrible feeling, and as you state and know, it was inevitable. Use this as the final nail in the coffin of your life that once was and always look forward to your life of what will be. You’ve been g… | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/08/24 09:47 PM |
| 8 | Divorcing Philosophy - Some say Save Me! and whyI’m over a year separated and 4 months since divorce was finalized. I have less than zero interest in another woman right now. For various reasons my ex and I should not have ever been together, but I put my blinders on as I was desperate for a woman as a 30 year old man and thought the void I had in my life could only be filled with a woman. 23 years later I am so much wiser and fully embracing loving and being comfortable with myself first before entertaining another relationship. As Flashy no… | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/08/24 04:55 PM |
| 3 | AccountabilityAs someone once commented in a post I made about something else, “it’s a feature and not a bug”. My ex has proven she is allergic to the truth and to accountability. During our separation before the divorce was finalized, I fruitlessly attempted numerous times calling her out only for her to effortlessly deflect. It’s wasted energy and just something we need to accept. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/08/24 05:32 PM |
| 2 | Mortgage options?Call your mortgage company today and ask if they will allow an assumption. I’m in the process right now, and it’s a long one. I had to do financial acrobatics to pay her her portion of the equity, $200k, but with the assumption I keep the rate, don’t have to reset with a new mortgage and have her removed. If your bank allows the assumption just make sure you have everything buttoned up first to avoid delays; divorce decree in hand, she’s off the deed via quit claim, etc. Also, if you’re still in… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/08/24 12:37 PM |
| 19 | **Updated**I wish you would have opened with “she’s been living with a guy for 9 months” because that by itself is a full stop. I completely understand your curiosity and possible what ifs, but man, she’s not worth it. My ex was getting dicked down by some guy through our whole separation and divorce and that alone is a non starter on reconciling. She never hinted she wanted to, but knowing that closed the door on those thoughts for me. That chapter of your life is closed, don’t open it up again. | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/08/24 07:40 PM |
| 2 | Got ghosted by fiancéeMan, this sucks and I know it hurts. But, Jesus, are you lucky. Based on this post, rest assured, she would have done this anyway if you married her. And when she did, more than likely, she would have also taken a nice chunk of your net worth. Count your blessings. Your closure is knowing you dodged a bullet. | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/08/24 08:54 PM |
| 11 | Feeling pathetic unable to move on.You are not pathetic and your emotions and feelings are valid, so don’t beat yourself up. However, from my internet stranger perspective, your ex wife is a child and she deserves not one more second of your time. She messaged you via snap chat about what will probably be the most traumatic thing in your life. She brought an audience to humiliate you in what should have been an intimate and extremely personal conversation and all she cared about was how she would be perceived. The level of disres… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/08/24 02:13 PM |
| 5 | Learning to move onThis advice is so spot on, I wish I actually followed it though. I couldn’t stop from sending emotionally charged messages. What I’ve since done is create a gmail address only for her and blocked her on all others. Sunday is my day to check that email and that’s it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/08/24 07:51 PM |
| 5 | Surviving the cost of divorce with two young kids. How did you do it guys?My promotion was official 11 days after she said she wanted to divorce. It was instantly used against me and all it did was increase her share of equitable distribution. Hold firm on what you’re doing now and don’t make more money. Counterintuitive from everything we’ve been taught, but you’re just handing her and her lawyer the rope to hang you from. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/08/24 07:28 PM |
| 12 | Learning to move onFor me it was the hardest part. Hell, I’d assume most guys here felt the same way. I consciously knew that if I let go and moved on, that meant it really was over. So there was this perverted comfort in not letting go and staying in those emotions. My ex by no means gave any signs that she ever wavered in her decision to divorce and I was instantly a stranger and her villain the moment she dropped her bomb. It hurts, but she doesn’t care and is disconnected from you. She disconnected a while ago… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/08/24 07:01 PM |
| 2 | Question (Home Equity)Are both your names on the mortgage? If you can swing it and your bank allows it, you can also assume the loan to keep your rate. I’m in that process now, had to do some financial acrobatics to pay her equity, but my kids appreciate they’re staying in the home they grew up in. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/08/24 03:59 PM |
| 3 | Question? Older children making choices.Good luck. If you’re paying CS, make sure the first thing you do is to submit the appropriate paperwork to vacate the CS. Mine was set at $1500/month and I only had to pay that once before my daughter said she was done living with her Mom. My ex threatened my daughter that she’d have to go in front of a judge to get the order changed, but I quickly dispelled that with my daughter and called my ex’s bluff. It’s not necessary and was a scare tactic my ex used against my daughter. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/08/24 12:13 PM |
| 2 | Question? Older children making choices.My daughter, 16 at the time, made the decision to live with me full time. We had a 50/50 custody order in place and changed it so I have primary custody. As a general rule, I believe, a kid can decide who they want to live with at 14yo. Her Mom tried to guilt her into keeping the 50/50 or to live with her full time, but my daughter was resolute that she wanted to live with me. That’s been in place since May. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/08/24 12:03 PM |
| 10 | Idk anymoreI was a month shy of my 52nd birthday when she dropped the bomb on me. I didn’t get married until I was 32 so I suggest you not waste another minute worrying about women right now . You have your entire life ahead of you. Love yourself first and become who you want to be before inviting a woman to share your life with. You got your mulligan at a nice young age, I know the pain isn’t any less, but take the time now to get to a place where you don’t need a relationship to complete you. I say this … | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/08/24 05:43 PM |
| 3 | Need a father's advice- Is love worth it?I would say that love is worth it, but I’ve unfortunately discovered that marriage is not worth it. If you want to have kids, it’s best to have a two parent household and that can still happen without a marriage license. There is no “one” so it’s up to you to consciously decide if a woman you’re with is worth the chance you’re taking to raise that family together. Love is the intangible connection between two people, all a marriage does is connect your finances together in a tangible way. Those … | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/08/24 06:23 PM |
| 2 | Ex abandoned all her junk and moved to another country. Asking for more than half of all my assets and isn't including all of the stuff she left hereYes, I should have clarified that. It was all the rest of her personal belongings that I knew was hers and I didn’t want. I think she thought I’d just store all her shit until she moved into a bigger place. If you aren’t going to want it and you just want her to take it, I don’t know why you have to keep it. My attorney told me it’d be an issue if I pitched everything because then I could be liable to compensate her for those items. Definitely get your lawyers advice and good luck. The whole div… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/07/24 01:02 AM |
| 5 | Ex abandoned all her junk and moved to another country. Asking for more than half of all my assets and isn't including all of the stuff she left hereI brought all her remaining stuff to a storage unit, paid for one month, took photos and emailed her those pics and a copy of the receipt telling her your stuff is there and you have one month to retrieve it all. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/07/24 12:11 AM |
| 12 | Struggling with STBXW’s glow-upI’ve read this story, and lived the exact same, so many times in this sub that it’s gotten to the point with me that’s it a cliche. This is what they do. It was June 2023 for me when she dropped her bomb and all I could think about was exactly what you listed. Before she moved out, she was taking my son to dinner for his birthday and she was all dolled up and I couldn’t stop looking at her and thinking how beautiful she was. There was nothing I could do about it because once she dropped her bomb… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/07/24 04:01 PM |
| 1 | direct deposits, joint accounts, before divorce is settledSame situation here. We had a joint account and our individual accounts and did exactly what your attorney said. Stopped deposits into it, split the balance and transferred each half to our individual accounts. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/07/24 11:08 AM |
| 3 | Adding new s/o to the will?If I’m ever in another relationship, she will have to be a unicorn that sneezes blow jobs in order for me to even consider having her as a beneficiary on anything. It’s all going to my kids. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/07/24 10:40 PM |
| 8 | A SpreadsheetAs soon as I received all her financials I did the exact same thing. More formulas in there than I could count. One change here and it updated every other cell. Like you said, it kept it like a business transaction and for some reason I could compartmentalize and keep a logical brain while working on it. It was nice to think clearly for some time instead of the wallowing in the emotions. And I agree with your other point too, my ex had zero relationship equity. Our 22 years together, all we had … | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/07/24 10:36 PM |
| 10 | Wife started dating an older man as soon as she said, "I want a divorce"I had a similar revelation a couple months ago that mine was already onto another man one week after she moved out and 7 weeks from when she dropped her bomb. We were together for 22 years. She basically went through our entire separation and divorce while in another relationship. There’s something wrong with both of them. One commenter wrote in my post, that resonated so well for me, “it’s a feature, not a bug my man.” The switch flips, we’re out, and they welcome the new one in. It sucks, but … | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/07/24 12:26 AM |
| 7 | It's INSANE that even in male-dominated forums, the shortcomings of modern femininity, like a lack of accountability and toxicity towards men, are often still blamed on men. This seems to be one of the few places where such issues can logically be discussed..One of the reasons she threw out at me was “controlling” the a/c. Yes, don’t wear sweatshirts in the summer and you won’t need it constantly set at 68 degrees. When she moved out, the gas/electric bill was $275/month. I just received another notice that it’s now going down to $162/month. It’s not controlling, it’s sound financial sense. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/07/24 12:05 AM |
| 12 | Is 10 years the lucky number?In a way I kind of wish it happened at 10 years because I would have been 42 instead of 52 when she dropped her bomb. But, that would just mean that many years of possible child support. My son is now 19 and my daughter is 17 and they both live with me, so no CS as it is. We were 4 months shy of our 20th anniversary when we separated. Why spend that long with someone and not try to work on us to keep our family together? One of the questions that will remain unanswered. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/07/24 08:29 PM |
| 3 | What songs helped you ?Somebody That I Used To Know - Gotye Place To Be - Nick Drake | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/07/24 11:50 PM |
| 15 | Red flags in possible future wives!Past infidelity If there’s a relationship with her Dad - my ex’s wasn’t really in her life How many divorces did she go through as a kid - my ex MIL was on her 3rd marriage. Refers to her ex as a narcissist - I, of course, have been labeled as one by her. If she’s an avoidant. STAY AWAY, nothing good will come from it. It’s like you’re in a relationship with nothingness. | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/07/24 02:10 AM |
| 2 | Advise for Counseling/TherapyI spent my first 52 years on this earth, prior to talking to a therapist, thinking that opening one’s self up and talking about your problems and/or feelings and exposing your vulnerabilities was a sign of weakness. I could not have been more wrong. It has helped me tremendously just talking through my issues and that I am indeed a healthy human being for having the self awareness to open up and take ownership of how I contributed to the demise of my marriage. And not all I have discussed with h… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/07/24 11:07 PM |
| 3 | Got full custody no more alimonyI’d probably say the same thing to someone, but there are expenses I’m putting solely on her. If I file then I run the risk of those not getting paid and I’ve paid for enough already. | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/07/24 02:05 PM |
| 6 | Further elaboration, please!I think a lot of us used our exes, I did, as a source of validation to who we were as men and husbands. They now provide no value to who you are as a person. Outside their role as a Coparent for your children, they are useless in your life now. They are not an emotional or physical resource for you to rely on and are simply a person that you used to know. | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/07/24 01:03 PM |
| 5 | When You Don’t Know What Ex Is Saying About YouMy man, you continue to put ALL of the responsibility of your failed marriage on your shoulders. I too carried the burden of self blame for a while, but a friend once said that I am 100% responsible for my 50% of the issues that ended my marriage. I’ve accepted that and am at peace knowing what I could have done better, learning from it and using it to better myself for myself. You need to do the same. Mine too has stonewalled me from the moment she said she wanted to divorce. It’s like I and we… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/07/24 12:41 PM |
| 6 | Got full custody no more alimonyCongratulations! Similar situation here with my daughter as I’ve had primary custody since May. She’s now 17 and wanted to live with me full time. Curious, do you plan to file for CS? As soon as Ink was dry on my divorce, my ex filed for CS and it was set at $1500/month. She only got that for April before the CS order was vacated. I could get it, but I’m in the fence. | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/07/24 11:57 AM |
| 13 | What is one line or quote you can share to help fellow divorced men?The most useless person in the world to you is your ex. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/07/24 10:13 PM |
| 6 | Why do I have homicidal feelings?In addition to the other spot on advice, what helped me cope when realizing the same, I’ve spent over $21k in lawyer fees in order to give her over $400k, is to realize I’m not in a unique situation and I’m not anymore special than anyone else. So, what you’re going through is exactly the same as mostly everyone else here. Just like me, you’re not special and your situation is not unique. You’re just another guy being raked over the coals like the rest of us. An hour ago I was sitting at my desk… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/07/24 07:06 PM |
| 2 | Does anyone here have experience with a grey/gray divorce?Mine was final in April, so ship has sailed. All things considered I made out ok. My lawyer repeatedly said what a good deal I got, if it had went to trial it would have been awful. No alimony, she makes too much, and no CS. I have primary custody of my daughter (17), she lives with me 100% of the time. She still got $400k, equity and retirement, for bailing but it’s the principle, in my opinion, of taking from my retirement. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/07/24 02:02 AM |
| 2 | Does anyone here have experience with a grey/gray divorce?God I’m jealous that you didn’t touch one another’s retirement accounts. I just turned 53 and she’ll get at least $200k from mine, depending on investment experience once the QDRO goes through. She had over $300k in hers, but since I had more, she gets the equalized amount so it’s all square. That bugs me the most. I know it’s considered marital money, but thinking about her being able to take it just twists me up. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/07/24 12:11 AM |
| 9 | The Divorce TemplateGoddamn, it’s like you were watching my experience first hand. The only one not to happen, that I’m aware of, is the last one. I think she’s still with the new guy. A guy she got with less than two months after dropping her bomb on our almost 20 year marriage. I’ll never understand how and why they do that. I have my financial comeback budgeted out. It’ll take some time, but without her around it’s going to happen at a nice clip. Stay strong everyone. | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/07/24 07:38 PM |
| 17 | I think it’s the scheming that is hard to forgiveMy ex came back from a girls trip to Florida in April 2023 and from the moment she walked back into our house I could tell her switched flipped. She was consciously just mean and dismissive towards me for a month and a half. Things weren’t great at that time as she was going through a process to rediscover herself, but not once during that time did I really think divorce was an option for her. She waited until we got through my son’s high school graduation with the big party and then Mother’s Da… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/07/24 08:02 PM |
| 4 | Did you ex change her name back and if so did that bother you? Because it did for me.Within a week of telling me she wanted to divorce she proudly and inquisitively mentioned how and when she was going to change her name back. Her tone was such that it came across like she said it just to spite me. I was like goddamn, such an odd thing to say and one of the first things she wanted to do. That was June 2023, she still hasn’t changed it. It stung because I knew she said it to hurt me, just to twist the knife that she wants nothing to do with me, but now I’m looking forward to it. … | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/07/24 12:09 AM |
| 23 | What is a reason that will stop you from remarrying?Because divorce ruined it for me. I, like am sure all of us, didn’t imagine our marriages would end. How could they? I found the woman of my dreams, married, started and raised a family and was living the married life. BUT, she changed and had to focus on her happiness. I wasn’t perfect and had my flaws like everyone, but too late to fix anything. Perfect. She unilaterally decides to end our marriage and break apart our family because she changed, and yet, I have to go into debt, pay her over $4… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/06/24 11:55 PM |
| 3 | About to make my retainer deposit. In the case it’s speedy, can anyone tell me if they’ve ever had trouble getting the unused funds back from the attorney?I was unrealistically optimistic that mine would be speedy. His retainer was $2,500 and I thought, no way, I will not be spending that much so I got him to agree to lower the retainer to $1,500. Over $20,000 later and boy was I wrong. $425/hour and an ex that slow walked the process burns through money very quickly. I’m confident I’ll get any balance left over back once I can stop using his services, have a few loose ends to finalize, but I’ve replenished that $1,500 retainer many times. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/06/24 10:40 AM |
| 18 | Lost Trust in WomenYou’re not alone. Just over a year from separation and my divorce was finalized in April. To say I’m less than interested in finding another woman/partner right now is an understatement. My ex jumped into her next relationship less than two months after dropping her bomb and a week after moving out. Just goes to show how little she was emotionally invested in us after 22 years together. That has fucked with my head quite a bit. And now I’m thinking, are they all like this? Have I fooled myself t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/06/24 12:44 PM |
| 4 | Retrospect almost a year laterYour last sentence is the one I can really relate to. I suppose at one point she loved me, but in our almost 22 year relationship I never felt she was in love with me, if that makes sense. Feeling alone for so long and not truly feeling loved was my norm. Not sure how it’ll be someday if I’m in another relationship with someone that is in love with me. Seems like a foreign concept really. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/06/24 05:07 PM |
| 5 | Is it better to call her out with her BS or stay quiet and keep the peace?Learn from my mistakes as I made a bunch. I, on many occasions, let my emotions get the best of me and called her out on every lie and her lack of accountability for anything during this process. It did nothing and didn’t prevent more lying and her accountability will never show up. As the other commenter stated, firm and direct boundaries are essential and conduct yourself in a business-like manner for your own sanity. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/06/24 07:11 PM |
| 2 | XW wants to challenge Texas MSACan CS be waived in TX? In PA CS is not something that can be. A spouse can choose not to file/receive CS but at anytime the lower earner can submit to the court to get it while child(ren)are minors. My ex didn’t file for CS until 8 months after she moved out and a week after we signed the divorce agreement. It was only in place a month because my daughter (16) decided to live with me full time 2 months after the 50/50 custody agreement started. Technically, even though I’m the higher earner, I … | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/06/24 06:59 PM |
| 3 | Why does everyone call their ex a narcissist?I had no idea the term narcissist was a go to until I joined this sub last June. I had never accused, suspected or viewed anyone in my life as one, including myself. Is that narcissistic?? The more posts I read about ex wives accusing their ex husbands as being narcissists, I would think no way, she would never throw that one out at me. At that point it seemed so cliche the more I learned about the internet psycho-babble bullshit that exes would soak up on Tik Tok and IG. Until that one fateful … | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/05/24 11:41 PM |
| 5 | Its never enough.Jesus, I just commented above before reading your comment how mine had brought up something from 16 years in the past. I had no idea it was a thing until she told me, 16 years later. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/05/24 02:19 PM |
| 12 | Its never enough.Soon after she told me she wanted a divorce, she told me about something that had bothered her from 16 years prior. 16 years! How in the fuck can someone keep something internalized for that long and add it to the reasons to divorce checklist and ignore all the good things that happened in the 16 years after that? Crazy. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/05/24 02:16 PM |
| 4 | Beware the new cupcakeMy point being is how can someone, my ex, leave an almost 20 year marriage with 2 kids and, to me, instantly start a relationship with someone new? It’s not logical to me. You basically say the same, as there is no talking sense into him. What he’s doing is not logical to you. Going through this divorce has emotionally wrecked me and I will never understand how people can do this without purposefully going through a healing/grieving process before pairing up again. Divorce is fucking traumatic. … | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/05/24 12:33 AM |
| 5 | Beware the new cupcakeJesus, I hope you can smack some sense into him and bring him out of the matrix, or wherever his head is at. His ex is a lost cause by doing the same. It’s funny though, I told a buddy of mine my prediction is my ex moves in with her boyfriend, that she’s been with since a week after she moved out last July and less than 2 months after we separated, by the end of this summer and engaged by the end of the year. If that actually happens, I think my brain will explode trying to make sense of it all… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/05/24 11:06 PM |
| 3 | Why do they watch your stories?I don’t understand social media. How do you know she views them? Do you see everyone that looks at whatever you post? Does FB show that Susie Q viewed something? | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/05/24 03:34 PM |
| 6 | There's nothing I can do.This will be the first time I’m commenting about this topic, but do not be surprised if she is with another man much quicker than anticipated. Mine said the same thing, married just shy of 20 years and within a week of her moving out she was with someone else. I just learned of this within the past two weeks and it hits like a Mack truck. I still can’t believe it, but she’s been in a relationship with this guy since at least the beginning of August, she moved out 07/22/23. I hated when guys woul… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/05/24 10:57 PM |
| 9 | How Do You Move Forward?I feel every word of this because I feel the same way. It’s like I’m waiting for permission to live my life again. I do still owe her another, and final, payment of $68k to settle up the equity of the house by the end of next month, and I guess subconsciously I need that to be gone to truly feel free from her. Divorce was final a few weeks back and I suppose I still feel tied to her even though it’s all said and done? Do you feel that way? I did so much with her and she’s the first person I thou… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/05/24 08:30 PM |
| 6 | Did you find a happy marriage?One of the very first things I thought about when my ex told me she was done was that I was going to be alone forever. It crippled me with fear that I will never have anyone again. That was in June 2023 and divorce was finalized last month. I don’t have that fear anymore, I’m also not even close to wanting to be with a woman right now. I’m still only focused on me and my kids and figuring out who I am again as a single man and what I want my life to be. A woman would just complicate my life righ… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/05/24 08:49 PM |
| 3 | Getting the SnipI got mine about 9 years ago when my buddy at 44 sent a group text to our friend group saying his wife was pregnant with an oops. Both his other kids were already grown and out of the house. I called the next morning to make my appointment. Already had two and didn’t want my own oops. His little one is great, but I couldn’t imagine starting over again with a baby. | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/05/24 08:30 PM |
| 4 | Stop waiting for a Fish will Climb a TreeThe similar stories in this sub continue to amaze me. As it’s happening to each one of us collectively, it’s still very hard to reconcile that my situation, and my ex, is not unique or special. We each go through this pain separately on our own island waiting for the person we thought we knew to show up again, but they simply do not or never existed. I do take comfort in knowing that my ex is not doing anything different than any of yours. She has complained to my son(18) about things she now ha… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/05/24 07:13 PM |
| 2 | Could she have done anything?This is what I can’t get over, she has lied so many times over everything I think I’m the one going nuts. And they come out in such an accusatory, condescending and dismissive way it’s like she’s living in an alternate reality. I’ll never understand it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/05/24 08:58 PM |
| 8 | Why do all the men here get into a panic over Mother’s Day? It’s like anxiety takes over. I could be wrong but I highly doubt the same sentiment is shared on the other side of the fence.Last year I made it a Mother’s Day weekend for her. A month later she dropped her bomb and never looked back. I’m grateful my kids are older so I don’t need to be involved, but she should not be celebrated whatsoever. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/05/24 05:27 PM |
| 14 | Would you ever think about trying again?Someday I see myself getting into a LTR, I do like having that person in my life. But traditional marriage, no way. I got burned financially simply for doing the right things in life and having a successful career. I’ll never again expose myself to someone taking what I’ve worked for simply because they unilaterally decided to blow everything up. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/05/24 02:30 PM |
| 1 | Grief3 months was September for me and I was still a complete mess then. Wouldn’t say I’m 100% now, I still get triggered, but 3 months is still very early. It’s your process and will happen on your own timeline. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/05/24 12:36 AM |
| 7 | GriefLet them wash over you and feel everything. I am just a year shy from my wife dropping the bomb and divorce was finalized last month. I would read on here how time does wonders and I thought no fucking way, I’m never going to escape the despair and dread that had taken over my body and mind. But I promise you it does. There will be moments of clarity and you will fall down multiple times. I’ve done it over and over but you will get back up. You will soon learn how non linear the grieving process… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/05/24 12:01 AM |
| 4 | Stopping My Emotional ResponsesTo add on, she’s a septic system for doing that with a guy she’s only known for 6 months. Fucking heartless and simply irresponsible. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/05/24 11:34 PM |
| 6 | Stopping My Emotional ResponsesI did the exact same as soon as the divorce was finalized, set up an email only for her. I let her know once my daughter is 18 that email address will be permanently deleted and all forms of direct communication between her and I will cease to exist. What I need to do better is not responding right away. Read the email, forget about it for at least 24 hours and respond with a cool head. Easier said than done, but I’m going to follow what you do. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/05/24 11:28 PM |
| 4 | Stopping My Emotional ResponsesDeny, deny, deny and lashed out at me about who I am as a person. Funny though, if I’m so terrible why are both of my kids living with me? | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/05/24 10:46 PM |
| 4 | Took Her Less Than Two Months To Find Another ManIt’s the principle man. When she was a sahm and I was the sole provider for a family of 4 I didn’t make $160k. It’s just greed. Doesn’t matter now anyway. Since my daughter will now be with me CS will be cancelled. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/05/24 04:49 PM |
| 2 | Took Her Less Than Two Months To Find Another ManYes | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/05/24 04:45 PM |
| 1 | Took Her Less Than Two Months To Find Another ManNo shit it’s high, but that’s the amount based on my state’s calculator. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/05/24 04:42 PM |
| 2 | Betrayed Men w/o KidsTo each their own, but OP’s post is specifically about him now having these feelings and emotions a year and a half out. And that’s absolutely correct, plowing through chicks can take your mind off your ex, but it doesn’t make it disappear. Obviously there’s something broken in those cheating ex wives to so easily replace their husbands and to me shows they are emotional deserts and heartless individuals. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/05/24 12:57 PM |
| 2 | Betrayed Men w/o KidsIn my opinion it’s that first year plowing through women that did you in. I’m no psychologist, but to me you filled the void with those women and didn’t allow yourself to properly go through the healing process. What you should have gone through in the beginning was suppressed instead of living through it from the get go. You’re now going through that healing/grieving process, it was just delayed and you’re playing catch up. Don’t fret, you’ll get through it. Just make sure you allow yourself to… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/05/24 10:45 AM |
| 2 | What bucket list items are you planning on doing when you get divorcedTriumph Trident. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/05/24 09:19 PM |
| 6 | What bucket list items are you planning on doing when you get divorcedMotorcycle. I’ve wanted another one for so long but was hesitant when married. I have some bills to pay off post divorce, but once they are all cleared I’m getting my bike. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/05/24 09:10 PM |
| 17 | Remaining friendsI shake my head every time I see this question posted. Why would anyone remain friends with an individual, assuming it was the wife that left, that abandoned a marriage, broke up a family and got paid to do it simply because they wanted to or had an affair? The most useless person in the world to you is an ex. If I never saw her again it’d be too soon. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/04/24 07:00 PM |
| 7 | DRINKING POISONYour therapist is a sage and I couldn’t agree with her more. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/04/24 10:41 AM |
| 2 | Watch out for scammers on here.I’ve had one reach out asking if I’d like to fuck her on camera for her Only Fans and another, was definitely a man posing as a woman, sending me pics of “her” bruised shoulder asking for help. Same pic from 2 different profiles. Crazy world we live in. | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/04/24 08:07 PM |
| 2 | 401KEvery time I read the word entitled it makes my blood boil. I heard that from her so many times I wish it could be removed from every language on earth. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/04/24 12:01 PM |
| 3 | It’s All DoneI will say I made out better with lawyer expenses compared to what I’ve read in this sub. All in all about $16k. I started to email her every time I got another bill and how much my then total was to remind her we are both pissing money away on lawyers and we didn’t have anything yet to show for it. I emphasized that for every dollar that we spent on lawyers it was another dollar we didn’t have for ourselves and our kids. Not sure if it motivated her or not, but I had to get that message across … | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/03/24 07:14 PM |
| 7 | It’s All DoneNo alimony, she makes too much, and as of right now no child support. 50/50 custody of my daughter. I’m going through the mortgage assumption process to keep the rate. I had to come up with $130k initial equity payment today and I have to pay her the balance by the end of June. Prenup may have helped to keep my retirement, but who knows. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/03/24 09:01 PM |
| 9 | It’s All DoneYep. No fault and equitable distribution state. It’s a fucking scam. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/03/24 08:57 PM |
| 5 | It’s All DoneThat comes next. The agreement gets filed with the court to get the decree. We didn’t go to trial, we hashed it out between ourselves with our respective lawyers. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/03/24 08:30 PM |
| 6 | 30 yearsMe too. I keep reading it over and over and it’s one of the most accurate statements I’ve ever seen. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/03/24 07:01 PM |
| 2 | AP's birthday is the day after mine.I’m so sorry you’re going through this. But you are strong enough to make it through and not just because you have to for your kids but because you are, believe that. You’re also not alone in being touched starved. A woman asked to compare her hand size to mine during a course we were in together. It felt so good in that brief moment to feel a woman’s hand touch mine. That was back in October. Be strong, you got this. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/01/24 06:14 PM |
| 3 | Boob jobI know she was your wife, but just be happy you’re not with someone that is hung up on that vanity. They’re fake. I would double over with laughter if mine got hers done. My opinion, if someone is that hung up to change their appearance through a surgery for cosmetic purposes only then they are not worth my time. You’re better than that. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/01/24 01:55 AM |
| 12 | Scientific study on loss of love in marriage and women.Since separation, I now have a limitless supply of emails from my stbxw where she constantly deflects responsibility and accountability regarding our daughter. It’s shocking. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/01/24 12:43 AM |
| 15 | Scientific study on loss of love in marriage and women.Thanks for posting this. A lot of what you wrote rang true for me and it was reassuring to read for my own improvement. I heard it all, why I was 100% to blame, and I was down on myself for so long because that’s all she told me. I also have recognized my codependency and it’s a tough change to make, truly live life for me and investing in myself, and I’m working through that in therapy. Bottom line is divorce fucks you up, but we can use it to better ourselves for what lies ahead. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/01/24 07:15 PM |
| 2 | Anyone have tips on how to overcome stress induced insomnia?Exercise and zzzquil. OTC and it knocks you out and keeps you sleeping. I was getting maybe 2-3 hours of sleep and it was killing me. Melatonin put me to sleep but didn’t keep me asleep. My one brother told me about zzzquil and it worked like a charm. I take it right before bed and next thing I know it’s the morning. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/01/24 12:23 PM |
| 8 | Getting over herOP, I want to thank you for your last couple posts. Like all of us here, I know this is painful for you too, but your descriptions of her are killing me. I was at a bagel place yesterday morning when I read your post and when it turned to her physical attributes, “no neck”, I belly laughed at the bluntness of it. Today’s is the cherry on top. Again, I don’t mean to detract from your situation, but I needed to read this today. Goddamn man. Good luck and I hope things turn around for you. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/12/23 10:35 PM |
| 2 | The WifeyCoparent | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/12/23 07:19 PM |
| 6 | Sad, just sadGoddamn, my former MIL went through 2 divorces when my stbxw was a kid. I knew it was a red flag, but I ignored it. Broken home was her reality and I guess divorce is ingrained in her as a viable option instead of trying to work on things to keep the marriage and family together. I’ve asked myself 1000 times why I didn’t trust my gut back then. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/12/23 03:06 AM |
| 5 | Two years, nothings changedI don’t want this divorce, she does, but I’ve accepted it. I can’t force her to love me and stay with me. I tried every bit of rationalizing with her but it fell on deaf ears. There is nothing I can do but accept it. You think I want my kids to come from a broken home or I want to date again at 52? Yes, I’m not officially divorced yet, but she’s gone. She moved out into her own apartment 6 weeks after telling me she wants to divorce. Hell man, I was trying to get her to stay up until she moved o… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/12/23 01:03 AM |
| 5 | Two years, nothings changedNo, that’s long gone. I’m just over 6 months into separation but I would have done anything, and I tried, early on to keep us together. I’ve definitely accepted that this is my life. It’s cliche, but it’s true, the only way forward is through. So that’s what I’m doing. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/12/23 12:39 AM |
| 10 | Two years, nothings changedI’m not sure how many here want to live this life, I know I don’t. My stbxw is the only one that wants this. But what are we to do, just sit still fighting reality? This is happening to you and it’s happening me, these are our lives now and no amount of questions or rationalizing is going to change that. Get on with your life and find what you want, because it’s not with her just like it’s not with mine. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/12/23 11:33 PM |
| 10 | Friends with your ex wifeThe most useless person in the world to you is an ex. I want only useful people I can trust and who will not betray me. Fuck off to anything that gets close to friendship with her. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/12/23 08:39 PM |
| 5 | Can I change the locks now?Is she in the mortgage/deed? Is so, and without the exclusive use she can come and go as she pleases. That is what I understood and my attorney confirmed that for me. Mine moved out too, and the one time after she had left and said she was coming over and into the house, I replied I am declining your request to come into the house. She got a bit pissed and said she would talk to her lawyer about it. Nothing came of it and my point back to her was not to tell me she was coming in but at least ask… | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/12/23 05:42 PM |
| 9 | The things people say to single dads.I too admire their everyday use of that word. It’s funny, ever since my separation just over 6 months ago, and her moving out 5 months ago, I have found my use of it increase ten fold and it’s now in regular rotation. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/12/23 02:42 PM |
| 10 | What did you gain through divorce?Watching my bank account actually grow, while simultaneously watching my utility bills go down, and it’s only been 5 months since she moved out. Outside of finances, and getting further away from the bomb drop just over 6 months ago, really seeing how unhappy I was with her and how constantly frustrated I was. Either her constant stupid purchases, the complete lack of emotional and physical intimacy, the complete absence of emotional connection and constantly trying to get some semblance of appr… | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/12/23 01:03 AM |
| 3 | AdviceYou’ll find in this sub nothing but heartfelt advice and truly caring people that want the best for you. I did not cheat nor ever considered it during my marriage, but I know if I did, I would never have felt 100% trusted by my wife again. No matter how much love or attention you give her now, do you really think she’ll ever forget or forgive this? It will come back to bite you many years down the road. I’m all in for doing whatever it takes to make a marriage work, but infidelity it’s just one … | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/12/23 11:41 PM |
| 9 | Had it and Lost it AgainIt really is cruel how the brain fucks with you. I’ve had those same types of dreams and I wake up so confused and also in cold sweat. When I come to, the reality of it all hits you in the face that, yes, I am getting a divorce and she is not here laying next to me in bed. Just writing to say you’re not alone as I’m also on the same emotional rollercoaster with you. I to look forward to the day I can post one of those “better on the other side” stories. Not there yet, but I’m confident we will b… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/12/23 08:07 PM |
| 7 | I don’t want a relationship again because I’m worried what it will do to my two boys.I’m just over 6 months into separation and the thought of dating or being with someone else still turns my stomach. My kids are older, 16 and 18, but still, I took my vows and commitment to my stbxw to heart, she obviously didn’t. I just can’t see right now bringing another woman into my home and hanging around my kids. it just feels so foreign and wrong to me. I don’t know, I assume that will change someday, but I’m still working on myself and getting my head right. Hope my head clears a little… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/12/23 01:01 PM |
| 14 | How do you cope with the depression?Man, I’m still feeling it and I’m six months in. One month in and I was a constant wreck. I joined a yoga studio and that’s great. Took a motorcycle safety class and got my license, gym. All of that. I did go on an SSRI and that has helped me even out the real bad spells. I am so much better than I was 5 months ago and 5 months from now may seem forever for you, but you’ll get there. Take it day by day, feel all the feels, and don’t rush through it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/12/23 09:22 PM |
| 8 | 21K Subscribers!I don’t know what I would have done without this sub. The outreach from friends checking in on me quickly dried up and I didn’t want to burden them anymore anyway. From reading so many similar stories, the consistent advice that has proven to work and just searching by topic to see how guys dealt with situations and feelings has been invaluable. I don’t know any of you, but I lean on all of you everyday to keep me going to get through this. Thanks to every man here that has posted your own story… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/12/23 10:51 PM |
| 10 | What I missI feel you on this too. Just seeing her empty spot on the couch or her chair on the patio having coffee together in the morning. Stuff we took for granted is just, poof, gone. I’m 6 months into separation and in the beginning having to stop myself from just sending a quick text or stopping myself from wanting to tell her something was just brutal. The holidays definitely amplify all of this and I can’t wait until 01/02/24 so at least it’s behind me. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/12/23 05:45 PM |
| 19 | I think I'm going to throw away most of my stuff.It’s all fucking cursed. I’ve done the best I can to remove her from the house because everything reminded me of her and us. To me, it also shows how much more men emotionally invest and attach ourselves to our relationships than our exes. After she moved out she asked me to send her pictures of things I was throwing away in case she wanted to keep anything. It’s just stuff to her, WE didn’t mean anything to her, it was all just decorations. She can hang it all back up like it’s nothing, I wante… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/11/23 02:02 AM |
| 3 | Divorced and clueless about dressing well/fashion. Advice?I posted something similar not too long ago and got some good recommendations. https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/s/drJmZsTgsx | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/11/23 12:39 PM |
| 8 | A Friend is getting MarriedSend him a link to this sub. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/11/23 11:18 AM |
| 6 | Will I regret deciding to never get married?I agree with techrmd3. What’s there to miss out on? You could still be in a long term relationship with someone that would take care of you, don’t need to be married for that. The ONLY good thing for me I got out of my marriage are my two kids. Other than that, she wasted 22 years of my life. You could still have kids without being married too. If you do get married, get a lock tight prenup. Marriage is just a business transaction I’ve sadly learned and a prenup is agreeing to the terms of the c… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/11/23 09:11 PM |
| 4 | Binge Watching TV ShowsRight there with you. I haven’t watched a show or movie since June when she dropped the bomb on me. It’s 100% sports now since we didn’t watch them together so no association with her. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/11/23 11:12 AM |
| 4 | Mental Health Advice For MenI’m having the opposite experience from most. I was left with 2 dogs, a cat and a fish. They all just seem like a chore now. She just left me with all the responsibilities for them. They’re all great animals, but goddam, I’d like to just be able to cut the grass without having to scoop poop first and not have a house constantly coated in dog and cat hair. Plus, I have to plan everyday to make sure I’m back in time to either feed all of them or let the dogs out. It’d be different I guess if I vol… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/11/23 11:06 PM |
| 13 | It´s incredible how all this changes youI’m sitting on my patio right now thinking the same thing. She’s just trying to take from me because she can and she’s employed making great money. None of it makes sense. I have all this anger and rage right now and how many outlets are there for it? Everything is stacked in their favor and we have to just bear it? I walk around with this constant feeling of disgust and I never did before. I’m still in separation and I hope to god it passes once this is over with. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/11/23 09:33 PM |
| 20 | Why do you guys even bother getting married?Because of all the other comments, and of course that it would never happen to me. Well, I was obviously wrong and in a big way. I will be having a long and intentional talk with my son in the future. I will also recommend he spend some time on this sub so he can see the reality of what exactly can and does happen to so many and not just me. It is absolutely criminal that I have to surrender a portion of my retirement to a gainfully employed and highly paid woman simply because I make more and s… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/11/23 12:30 AM |
| 27 | Why did you get married ? What’s the point?Because it’s what I thought I was supposed to do, like a goal in life. I cherish my kids of course, and if I didn’t get married I wouldn’t have them, but Fuckin’ hell. “I wish that I knew what I know now” is the perfect lyric. If I had been educated like I am now I would have taken the right steps to protect myself. One of the positives is that what I’ve learned going through this will be passed onto my kids so they are aware of the financial and emotional damage they may face if their own marri… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/10/23 09:03 PM |
| 55 | The Coldness AfterAdding my chips to the pile. It was and is simply astonishing the complete 180 she took towards me. I’ve mentioned in this sub before how in an instant we became strangers like we weren’t married for almost 20 years and raising a family once she dropped the bomb on me. It’s one of the most psychologically amazing things I’ve seen in my life really. She snapped her fingers and I wasn’t her husband anymore and that was that. I’m four months in and doing so much better than I was two months ago but… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/10/23 11:28 PM |
| 7 | Younger lurker here that always come here for inspirationI’m actually jealous of your position. I know, without any uncertainty, I should not have continued dating mine. Ashamed that I did and I’m paying the price now. Goddamn 30 year old me was so stupid. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/10/23 05:38 PM |
| 16 | Why did you pick the wrong woman?OP, I feel a lot of what you wrote. I can say with 100% certainty I needed a woman to fill the void I had in my life as being a 30 year old single man and felt life was passing me by if I didn’t get married. Looking back, I absolutely was seeking validation in my life and honestly, I was grasping for any woman that would have paid attention to me. She was beautiful and that helped, but I too ignored a lot because she was into me, and I’m ashamed that I turned a blind eye to simply be in a relati… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/10/23 01:32 PM |
| 7 | What in the hell is going on here?This does sound like a soap opera and I’m sorry you’re going through it. But don’t write yourself into it with the last sentence. Just get your kids, keep them safe, and keep yourself out of it. Last thing you and them need is beating his ass, police involved and then you’re bringing yourself down to their level. Stay above it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/10/23 10:46 AM |
| 5 | Why are we telling men to wait a year before dating?Wonderful response. | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/10/23 09:02 PM |
| 5 | Why are we telling men to wait a year before dating?What I worry about myself is if I start too soon will I just attach myself to someone because they have an interest in me and I’m getting laid. I of course want that eventually, but I don’t want to be with someone to fill a void that’s there because of my divorce that I wouldn’t be with at my strongest. And, will that relationship just have me suppress emotions that I’m still working through. I want to heal completely before opening myself up to someone new. Not sure if I’ll wait a year, that wo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/10/23 04:23 PM |
| 6 | Am I in love with you or am I in love with the way an idea of youDamn man, you articulated better than I have in that’s exactly how I felt. Thank you for writing all that out, it took a lot of introspection on your part to capture that. I felt exactly the same about my stbxw, I’m only a year younger than you and she is the same age as your ex. I was definitely in love with who I thought she was or who she should be for me. Who she really is did not and could not fill the emotional connection I needed. And I guess in the end I couldn’t for her because she want… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/10/23 02:07 PM |
| 4 | I'm having a midlife crisis, how do I get through it?Awesome and exactly. Decided on a Triumph Trident for myself. Can’t wait. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/10/23 10:13 PM |
| 7 | I'm having a midlife crisis, how do I get through it?I’m not having a midlife crisis, but going through divorce and only 4 months into separation. I felt lost in those first few months and didn’t know what I was going to do with my life. So I needed to think of something to keep me going. At the end of the summer I decided to get another motorcycle. I haven’t had one in over 20 years. But, there are steps involved to reach that goal and that kept me going. I first got my permit and then signed up for my state’s safety course. First class was last … | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/10/23 08:01 PM |
| 2 | To keep the family home?I’m living this now. She moved out at the end of July and I’m in the house we raised our family in. The first few weeks were absolutely brutal with the memories all around. I’ve since removed most of the reminders of her and replaced with things I liked. Doesn’t solve all of it but it’s better. My daughter is 16 so only two more years until graduation. I am in no way keeping the house. It’s beautiful and I love it, but starting over to me means starting over with everything. I have no interest i… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/10/23 08:06 PM |
| 13 | What was your turning point?Finally realizing the present and future are what’s important for me and my kids. She didn’t have an affair either, we had issues and she didn’t want to work on them. I wallowed and ruminated on our past for close to 3 months and was absolutely miserable. Once I was able to stop blaming myself only and realizing I wasn’t all that happy either with her as a wife and our marriage I started to turn. It’s been a blessing because there is so much living to do and doing it for yourself and your kids i… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/10/23 06:16 PM |
| 9 | Retraining OurselvesAgree 100% and it is hard to retrain your brain. I loved being the protector for her. I am 4 months tomorrow into separation. I am way past feeling anything like that now, but early on I was still in that mindset. We had a tornado warning back in August, she had moved into her own apartment close to our home in July. As me and my son went down to the basement of the house I had this overwhelming panic to make sure she was safe, thinking she should be there with us and I had to do whatever possib… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/10/23 02:37 PM |
| 3 | Hobbies? Some questionsYoga man. It’s been great. It’s all about clearing your mind, letting go of the negatives/focusing on the positives and being in touch with your body. I was working out too before all of this, but yoga is different. Highly recommend you check it out. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/10/23 10:20 PM |
| 2 | Self Talk and MantrasThere are many, but the one I relied on early in the separation was the one that cut through me like a knife. This was a few weeks before she told me she wanted to divorce. We were lying in bed and I asked her what she loves about me, her response was what do you love about me? So I answered with a laundry list of things, really opened up and it was as honest and heartfelt that I could be. Her response was: “I feel nothing”. I just sat there crestfallen. There were many things she did and said t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/10/23 11:25 PM |
| 6 | Legalised theft and transfer of wealth.That’s all it is. Since day one, I was asking my stbxw to please keep the separation agreement between just us. I kept reminding her that that only ones who win in divorce are attorneys. Well, she threw that right out the window after her divorced friends and her attorney got in her ear. Her attorney has had the agreement that I drafted, with the intention to benefit the kids, for close to two months. She has a great job with a great salary, benefits, stocks and could easily live and support her… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/10/23 10:53 AM |
| 38 | She threw her engagement ring at meIn my opinion, it’s cursed. Just like every other thing related to wedding/marriage. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/10/23 05:49 PM |
| 8 | Mortgage questionCan’t upvote this enough. Get off the mortgage via her refinancing if she wants to buy you out. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/10/23 06:52 PM |
| 9 | i moved out...ex racked up 10k in cc debt and wants me to pay it.I am fearing this. The last statement I saw from her the balance was 12k on one card. I’m supposed to get the agreement back sometime this week so not sure yet what her and her attorney will put in there. I will never agree to pay any of it, but I can only imagine what the balance is now 3 months since that statement. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/10/23 01:38 PM |
| 6 | Divorce was final last weekI’m right there with you brother and so glad to hear you’re setting yourself straight. I’m 52, so right behind you, but only in separation. You got this and will become that strong, confident man you once were. Keep it up! | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/09/23 09:31 PM |
| 1 | Wedding rings?This is something that confuses me. Why would anyone want to keep her engagement or wedding rings? They’re now just cursed trinkets that represent the failure from a woman that gave up, broke up a marriage and family. She’s keeping them and I hope the curse stays with her for life. Mine said she would want to turn the engagement ring into something to eventually pass down to our daughter. Just goes to show she has no connection or places no value on what that ring represented. It’s just a thing.… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/09/23 11:14 AM |
| 1 | Help dealing with vacationsThis happened to me this past summer. We planned and paid for a family vacation in April for a July trip to Jamaica. She dropped the bomb in June. I didn’t go and it was the most painful week of my life. First family vacation in 18 years I didn’t go on. I am planning trips now with my two kids next summer, specifically to visit family in Maine and hopefully down to Florida over Spring break. Just want to get this whole thing behind me and finalized so I know for sure what I need to save and will… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/09/23 03:49 PM |
| 4 | The best part about being divorced.Thanks. Yeah, I’m definitely taking the journey and taking it deliberately. I’m going through and have gone through it all. Confident I’ll come out stronger than I was before. Just want to truly be free from all of this. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/09/23 12:33 AM |
| 26 | The best part about being divorced.I can’t wait to get there. Feel like I’m stuck in neutral while in separation. If I could just hit the fast forward button to get it finalized I would truly be a happy man. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/09/23 11:45 PM |
| 1 | Just getting into this, coming to terms with it allNo, I do make more than her. But she won’t be getting alimony. She makes very good money and has had her job for 10 years. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/09/23 09:32 PM |
| 11 | Does your ex refuse to see reality, understand what she did?I swear this is universal. I ask her pointed questions via email about her actions and not once, once has she plainly answered. Somehow she makes statements unrelated to the questions and twists things around where she is in no way responsible for what she’s done and somehow it’s my fault. I have to go back and re-read what I asked to make sure I asked what I asked and to figure out how she turned it around. I’m afraid to have a conversation with her about the divorce in person because it’s like… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/09/23 12:59 AM |
| 11 | I think I'm at my breaking point.This life is done with me No man, it’s your life and what you make of it. Everyone here has been hurt and are hurting more than what we ever knew was possible. This has all happened to us, you’re not alone. Your kids need you, and if you do this, they’re the ones that are going to hurt for the rest of their lives. They need you, you’re their father and fathers don’t leave their kids behind. It’s not an option. You are a man for yourself and a father for your children. This is your life now and y… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/09/23 12:55 AM |
| 1 | Does it still just randomly hit you?I do look forward to that someday, but I’m just not there yet. Going to wait until this is formally done and divorce is finalized before venturing out. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/09/23 07:44 PM |
| 6 | Found out today my ex is already on dating sitesOh I’m sure she let everyone know about my crying and probably looks down on me about it. Like it’s a bother she has to know about it. In a way though it gives me strength because I’m going through all of the emotional stages deliberately so I will be complete on the other side while she carries on living her best life like nothing happened. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/09/23 07:39 PM |
| 18 | Found out today my ex is already on dating sitesDamn, “she hadn’t even considered the damage”. This is what gets me. She once texted that she never intended to hurt me. What??? How did you think I’d feel? My daughter heard me crying one day and told her and my stbxw referred to it as another one of my crying episodes. No, it’s part of the natural grieving process and is healthy. Emotionally stunted, no other way to explain the disconnection they have from the damage they’ve caused. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/09/23 05:25 PM |
| 2 | Just dropped my 4 year old son off. I thought this would get easierThese posts with how it effects the young kids wreck me. I don’t know how you guys do it, you’re stronger than you know. My kids are older, 16 & 18, but I think back to when they were that age and if this was happening then and I feel bad for them in my imagination. My stbxw left for the same reason, to focus on her happiness, and didn’t want to work on our marriage either. And same with the influences, especially her divorced friends. Bunch of cowards. My heart goes out to you man, your son kno… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/09/23 05:09 PM |
| 3 | A man lives three lives.I agree with the first 2, but still optimistic on the 3rd. I’m trying, and getting closer, to realizing she just wasn’t for me and her noping out may do me good in the long run. Why would the person that’s supposed to love you most do a complete 180 and simply not want to work on our marriage and keep our family together? Why would I want that person in my life? She doesn’t deserve me and it’s her loss. This is the mindset I’m working on. The first point is where I failed the biggest. I realize … | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/09/23 05:18 PM |
| 4 | Does anyone Else Deal With Anxiety With All Things Marriage Related?Shit just makes me sad thinking I was once the happy groom and thinking I had “made it”. Married the woman I was going to spend the rest of my life with, raise a family, grow together, retire together. But she threw that all away and now my kids have a broken family. I definitely simped for her hard once she told me she was done. God, the crying, begging, pleading. Can’t even believe I stooped that low. I will be telling my son and daughter to think long and hard about getting married in the fut… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/09/23 12:44 PM |
| 3 | Fellas please send me your thoughts\prayers\good vibes.....I'm struggling after divorceRight there with you on the bike. Start my safety course next month. Once this is behind me, Triumph Trident for me. Good luck and keep up the good work. | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/09/23 10:05 AM |
| 1 | How to deal with the fact that my stbxw is going to be sleeping with other peopleI thought my stbxw was absolutely beautiful. The first couple weeks after she dropped the bomb my mind was drowning thinking of her with someone else. But, I snapped out of it knowing whoever has her next will have the most vanilla and transactional sex of their lives with absolutely no intimacy. I’ve read so many posts here about women out there that are into having sex and have an actual sex drive. I’m nowhere near close to being ready to get out there, but I hope I find these women because I … | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/09/23 11:21 PM |
| 3 | Lost and need to vent.I love this community, what a great group of men offering true inspiration and support. OP, I’m sorry you’re going through this but know you’re not alone. Yes, you got lucky with the “business” side of divorce, but that’s minimal compared to the pain and anguish we all go through. It’s amazing how strong the emotional part of the brain is and what it puts you through to cope with what probably is the biggest loss of our lives. We have to embrace it, not suppress or ignore it, and go through all … | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/09/23 11:55 AM |
| 9 | Those that finalized and are on the other side. Looking back what was the worst part of the whole process for you?Not the audience here as still in separation. But I agree with another commenter, the whole thing is the worst, so far. This just shouldn’t have happened after almost 20 years married. Mine and my kids lives were turned upside down simply because she wanted out. Why do this instead of working with your spouse to strengthen your marriage instead of just giving up? It’s just such a waste to throw it all away just so she can focus on her happiness. We have a gym in our basement and one of the inspi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/09/23 11:23 AM |
| 14 | Who has found getting back into dating difficult in this climateI’m 52 and the thought right now just brings such dread. I’m only 3 months into separation so not even close for me to even try. I used to talk with friends, before she walked out, about dating these days and how thankful I was to not have to do it. Now? I’m going to have to live it and I can’t even believe it. I will try my damndest to stay off of OLD and hope I can find someone out in the wild, somehow. | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/09/23 11:10 AM |
| 21 | Pretty sure my ex ruined herself financiallyThere’s a side of me that says go for it, but the wiser side says she made her bed, let her lie in it. As I’ve read on this sub before; not your monkey and not your circus. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/09/23 11:43 PM |
| 1 | WardrobeGreat clip. I just need someone like Ryan Gosling in my life. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/09/23 09:15 PM |
| 3 | The r/ask post about "why so many dads abandon their kids" is outright nonsenseI specifically didn’t read it because I knew I would have the same reaction and also knew what it was going to say just by the title alone. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/09/23 09:28 AM |
| 2 | Just getting into this, coming to terms with it allGood. I’m in the house for 2 more years until our daughter graduates. Stbxw moved out and into an apartment. We’ll either sell or I’ll refinance. But, don’t think I’d want to hold onto it will all the memories. I loved this house though, new construction in 2010 and did a ton of work to it. Such a waste, in my opinion. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/09/23 12:28 AM |
| 2 | Just getting into this, coming to terms with it allBy keeping the house…. Does that mean you didn’t your share of the equity? | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/09/23 12:23 AM |
| 2 | Just getting into this, coming to terms with it allI created it. Googled divorce separation agreement for my state. Plugged in basic info and it created a pdf. I then retyped it in Word so I could edit/add additional things. It’s with her attorney now, so I know they’re going to redline the shit out of it and just add more for her. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/09/23 11:40 PM |
| 9 | Just getting into this, coming to terms with it allNot sure how recent this really is for you, but the emotions man. My situation is eerily similar to yours and the rollercoaster of emotions is exhausting. The lowest of lows I’ve ever felt. I’m much better then I was when this started 3 months ago but I still randomly cry when certain memories pop into my head. We’re trying to do a separation agreement ourselves but once she leaned on her friends and lawyer I immediately started to hear what she’s “entitled” to and she can’t be “disadvantaged”. … | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/09/23 11:30 PM |
| 4 | Looking for advice on how I should proceed with giving money to ex. Florida post divorce.I’m hoping this happens to me so I can tell her - “this is the life you chose”. Mine makes very good money but is terrible with it. I’d be shocked though if she ever asked me for anything, she wouldn’t give me the satisfaction. It’d be a hard no, unless it was directly related to our kids. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/09/23 10:46 PM |
| 2 | If you were to remarry, who would you look for?I loved the, what I thought I had, person where we committed via vows to one another. Yes, I liked being her husband and her my wife. I was proud of it. But, I never felt “happier” about it, it just felt right. To me, once you marry, you were making the ultimate commitment to the other person. Obviously I was wrong because she changed, and I quote her here: “I have to focus on my happiness”. She obviously didn’t have the same feelings about marriage in that she thought it could be temporary. So,… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/09/23 01:18 AM |
| 3 | Getting through the holidays solo for the first timeMan, I was waiting a bit to post something similar. Sounds like we had parallel lives/wives. Both Halloween and Christmas we were decorated. I’m starting to see Halloween candy out in stores now and it’s bringing me down. I am dreading Christmas season, it was always my favorite and this will be the first time in 22 years without her. I wish I could go to sleep the day after thanksgiving and wake up 12/26. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/09/23 06:15 PM |
| 15 | If you were to remarry, who would you look for?Can’t up vote this enough. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/09/23 04:56 PM |
| 4 | If you were to remarry, who would you look for?Yes, it’s crazy. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/09/23 04:56 PM |
| 9 | If you were to remarry, who would you look for?I loved being married and never had any complaints about it. But, who I was married to and who she became, different discussion. I could see myself getting married again. But, she would have to be able to provide affection, intimacy and open communication. It was brutal being the one trying to do those things without it being reciprocated. Prenup as well. If it happens again, and god forbid there’s another divorce, don’t think I’d be able to handle being told what she’s “entitled” to and she can… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/09/23 04:52 PM |
| 2 | WardrobeI just got a Charles Tyrwhitt mailer yesterday. Going to go to their store that’s near me. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/09/23 03:32 PM |
| 1 | Drinking problemBefore all of this I only drank socially on the weekends. My first decision after my stbxw told me she was done was to stop completely, and I have. There is nothing to miss if you don’t drink. I knew from day one I would need a clear head each and every day to get through this. There’s nothing to gain by drinking. But you’ll lose hangovers, spent money and having your body feel like shit. No need to do it at all, it’s just a crutch and you need both legs to stand on. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/09/23 03:02 PM |
| 1 | Leaving her the houseI’m still living in mine, she moved out to an apartment end of July. Our daughter is a junior in high school and once she graduates we’ll either sell or I’ll refinance and pay her her half of the equity. I hear you on the memories. I put so much work into this thing for us and she just upped and left like it didn’t mean anything. I’ve been “erasing” her from the house the last few weeks by removing all the decor from walls and stuff she had put here and there. Trying to make it my own while I’m … | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/09/23 11:10 AM |
| 3 | Discovery is the next step.We are trying to do this ourselves with a separation agreement, but with each of our own lawyers. 2022 taxes and all other non joint accounts 01/01/23 to separation date, which was mid June. Joint accounts to most current. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/09/23 01:21 AM |
| 3 | Rip the band aid offJesus, after me pleading with her at one point reminding her that we’d been married almost 20 years, what we’ve built and have, that we’re still raising our family, she said “we have some good memories”. Such a slap in the face how all of it can be reduced to good memories. Just another reminder to myself that she’s an emotional dwarf. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/09/23 02:26 AM |
| 2 | Anniversary BluesMy 20 year anniversary would have been next month. A few months before she told me she was done we were talking about the two of us getting away for it. Now that’s not happening, and really, I’m not even sad about it. Every vacation we had was always a battle for sex, similar at home. We talked about it numerous times and my attitude is/was, we’re on vacation, it’s a time to let all inhibitions go by the wayside and let’s just let loose, have a great time and get down more than usual. Nope, it w… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/09/23 11:26 PM |
| 9 | Rip the band aid offNo, moved on emotionally. From the moment she told me there was nothing I could do to change her mind. It was actually incredible. Our 20 year anniversary would have been in October and it’s like I was never in her life and our marriage didn’t mean anything to her. That’s what hurts the most about all of this. I just couldn’t get through to her, she checked out so completely. But, it reminds me just how emotionally void she is as a person in that she easily detached herself from us and never loo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/09/23 10:04 PM |
| 2 | Is it good for me that she moved out?I’m not paying her anything, she is completely living independently. I have asked what she’s going to contribute to our daughter’s travel soccer payments and other things but haven’t gotten a number yet. So, no precedent of me paying money to her. I do make more than her and have more in 401k that I know she’ll be coming for. | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/09/23 08:51 PM |
| 3 | Rip the band aid offI know that’s the way to be and I want to be inspired by a post like this, but there is still a piece of me that thinks the woman I fell in love with and married is still in there somewhere and will realize this whole thing is a big mistake. I know intellectually it’s over and she has more than moved on, but it’s the emotional attachment for me that is still holding on. Still in separation, so not close to being finalized, and thinking once I get their changes to the separation agreement and see… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/09/23 08:31 PM |
| 3 | Will I be on the hook for her credit card debt she's racked up since leaving but before the divorce is final?From what I understand it stops at the day of separation. Anything since then would be their’s alone. At least that’s how I’m moving forward. We traded financial documents and my stbxw’s balance was a few thousand day of separation, but by the end of the following month it was up to $12k. I’ll fight tooth and nail to not pay any of her cc debt, we each had separate cards and we were not authorized users on one another’s accounts. We are working on our own separation agreement and trying to keep … | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/09/23 07:33 PM |
| 52 | Am I wrong.......Absolutely not, you are not wrong. I wish I never had to speak with, see or interact with my stbxw ever again. I have to though because of our kids. She didn’t cheat, just your regular ‘ol walk away wife. The thought of being friendly like all is well and she didn’t abandon our marriage and break up our family gets me infuriated. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/09/23 04:23 PM |
| 3 | Do most good family law attorneys charge for the first consultation? A lawyer told me so, but I am not sure if it is true.Mine did. $400. But, I’ve been told by multiple people that he’s really good. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/09/23 07:42 PM |
| 25 | I hate the modern mindsetI couldn’t agree with this more. My stbxw said she has changed and needs to focus on her happiness. She put herself above her family and walked out. I can’t think of a more selfish and self-centered attitude someone can display. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/09/23 01:09 AM |
| 43 | I hate the modern mindsetDamn man, I could have written this word for word. It scares me you’re 7 months in and I’m only 3 months because I hope I’m much better by then. I cried pretty much all day today. I’m sick that all I have worked for to secure our future, all the literal work I did to our house to make it a home, raising our kids and everything in between was all for not because she wanted out. Why weren’t we worth it to work on our marriage, why wasn’t our intact family worth it for her? I’m just as confused as … | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/09/23 01:00 AM |
| 1 | The WeekendsThank you for your reply. I do talk to a therapist just about once a week. He’s helped and glad I can get things off my chest in non-biased setting. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/09/23 07:53 PM |
| 5 | Too much time on my hands!If you haven’t watched it yet, The Boys. Awesome series. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/09/23 11:26 PM |
| 3 | I wish someone told me thisI’ve checked it out but I get more depressed reading those posts. Just going to ride this out for a while and see what becomes. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/09/23 11:28 PM |
| 3 | What's the worst part for you?Yeah man, it just doesn’t make sense. I had my flaws and I admitted to them and apologized, but it’s the ruthlessness about the whole thing like we never existed and I’m now a stranger to her that has my head spinning. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/09/23 09:41 PM |
| 6 | I wish someone told me thisThere’s something about the online dating that depresses me. I wonder if it’s my age, 52, like I missed the boat on putting myself out there that way. I think I would feel embarrassed if I did it. I’m not on any social media, except Reddit, and only because of this divorce. Did you feel that way before joining? | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/09/23 09:22 PM |
| 8 | What's the worst part for you?This is what still brings tears to my eyes. She was my person for life and we simply don’t talk anymore. It’s so strange and it just hurts. Literally in one day I became her enemy and she flipped the switch. I don’t have that ability, I committed to her and took my vows literally. It’s so confusing to wrap my head around that after 22 years, it took one statement from her - I want a divorce - to make it all come crumbling down. A mind fuck, as mentioned above, is exactly what it is. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/09/23 08:29 PM |
| 14 | I wish someone told me thisThese feel good stories keep me going. I’m only 3 months in from her dropping the bomb and I have no interest in dating or even hooking up. If there are really women out there that are into intimacy and sex, then sign me up when I’m ready because it was a struggle for so long in my marriage. Taking the advice of so many here to heal and rebuild myself so when I’m ready, I’m going to take this rebuilt body and conquer this fucking world again. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/09/23 08:23 PM |
| 8 | The toxic friendJesus, this one hits home. Mine has a group of 4-5 divorced friends and I can only imagine how many times they encouraged her to talk with me about how she was feeling instead of just them. My guess is zero. She went on a girls weekend in April to visit one of said friends and my stbxw came back different. Two months later she dropped the bomb on me. She was kind enough to wait until after my son’s graduation and the thousands of dollars I spent on the food, party and gifts. She’s out living her… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/09/23 05:38 PM |
| 4 | What's the worst part for you?Not sure if there’s one worst for me. She changed, totally changed, and I couldn’t get through to her to try to save us, the long history and planned future together that didn’t mean anything to her to walk away from, my kids now have a broken family, she’s now my adversary to protect my financial future, an adversary I loved more than anyone in my life, the sense of rejection, ego and self esteem hit by being dumped, having to start all over and rebuild myself at 52, how awful she treated me le… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/09/23 05:28 PM |
| 2 | STBXF lawyer is asking my lawyer to ask me to move out of the marital home.Definitely don’t move out, you have every right to stay there. Just say no. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/09/23 12:25 AM |
| 6 | Too soon to move on?Can’t even imagine that right now. I’m just about 3 months in from when she dropped the bomb on me and the emotional toll it’s taken on me has been exhausting. I don’t know how you’d be able to be there to emotionally invest yourself with her. Maybe you’re better equipped than me, but having to learn all there is about someone and spending energy and time on someone else instead of yourself so soon just seems bonkers to me. But, like I said, your constitution may be stronger than mine. I’m just … | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/09/23 09:55 PM |
| 5 | I think I might be brokenI don’t know. I liked having that person by my side and hope to get that again. Nowhere near close to doing that, a lot of personal growth I need to go through. I am so looking forward to physical intimacy with a new woman. I never strayed and never even considered it during our 22 year relationship. I hope I don’t feel like a sandwich would have been better once it happens, because I have my fingers crossed that there are women out there that want sex and I’m not the only one pursuing like I di… | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/08/23 11:50 AM |
| 4 | I think I might be brokenI’ve read your comment three times and I laugh the same. So great. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/08/23 11:42 AM |
| 2 | The road to divorce some lessons learned. Still early daysVery accurate. Number 1 kills me. I took her to NYC for her 50th less the a year ago and spent thousands of dollars. I was always taking her out on the weekends and would go overboard for Xmas. But all of it never seemed to be appreciated by her. Sex was just transactional because she knew I wanted to do it, never initiated by her. It’s the friends thing that is tough for me. I only have a few close ones and they’re married so it’s a bit tough just to hang. I was working out prior to all this bu… | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/08/23 11:07 AM |
| 3 | Soon to be ex is requesting all pics of our kid since separation?I agree, she can take her own pics. Isn’t love grand? Question for you on the house. Was she/is she on the mortgage still? If she is still on, we have the right to refuse them entry? Mine moved out end of July and I’m staying in our home for at least 2 years until my daughter graduates high school. Then, I’ll either refinance or we’ll sell. Our separation agreement isn’t finalized yet but the draft says she needs my permission to enter. She is on the mortgage and still has a bunch of stuff I wan… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/08/23 08:38 PM |
| 1 | What Happens To Them?Sorry if it wasn’t clear, but I do make more than her. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/08/23 05:19 PM |
| 2 | What Happens To Them?Agree 100% and will be taking that direction once I get their edits to the agreement. If I’m correct in what to expect from them, things will change dramatically from what I originally put in there. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/08/23 05:08 PM |
| 2 | What Happens To Them?Soon to be 51. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/08/23 03:16 PM |
| 3 | What Happens To Them?Yeah, I have a lot I will be retracting and adding in depending on what I get back from her lawyer. Child support will be at the top of the list. I do have my own lawyer, so we’ll see how creative we can be with a counter. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/08/23 02:31 PM |
| 2 | What Happens To Them?I Googled divorce separation agreement template for my state and a bunch came up. I used one where you had to enter some basic info and it populated the base agreement with that info. It was a pain because it creates a pdf, so I had that on one screen and just retyped the whole thing into Word in another screen. But once it was in Word, I could make additional changes. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/08/23 02:15 PM |
| 7 | Is there a scientific or evolutionary reason so many women are so negative towards their husbands after kids?These comments are what happened to me too. All I can and could focus on were the good and positive things we had in our marriage and with each other but she was fixated on the negatives and those, to her, are what defined our marriage. To top it off, she has a group of friends, all divorced, can’t imagine any of them were telling her to work with me to keep the marriage and family together. I had no chance once she decided she was done. Besides my 2 kids, what a waste of 22 years with her. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/08/23 10:57 AM |
| 3 | Joining the club. Thanks for having meI cannot stress the point enough and am in total agreement. Even though we don’t know who anyone is, this has been infinitely invaluable as a support group and resource for me. I have never experienced such camaraderie and selfless inspiration from a group of men. I hate that I am here and wish none of us were, but I honestly don’t know how I could have soldiered on without this forum. OP, you’re in good hands leaning on this group to help you get through the bullshit you’re now going through. D… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/08/23 01:09 AM |
| 4 | Full transparencyI don’t know man, that tells me she at least went down on him. If I knew that about mine then that would drive me further away. You want to kiss her after another guy’s dick has been in her mouth? | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/08/23 04:56 PM |
| 3 | How Do They Turn It Off So Completely?The “peace” thing was also thrown into the mix for me too. I am still baffled how so many of us are dealing with or dealt with the same exact thing. Swear to god there’s a blueprint out there somewhere that they follow. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/08/23 12:54 PM |
| 2 | How Do They Turn It Off So Completely?Thanks for the laugh, and I see how I came across that way. But the baseball watching only started after she moved out. I never sat around and watched tv every night. We’re all crushed when this happens and motivation to do things is shut down while you’re processing all these emotions. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/08/23 11:39 AM |
| 8 | How Do They Turn It Off So Completely?You know what, I had to interact with her in person today, and trust me, I do not want her back. She can’t even have a normal conversation without getting annoyed, angry, short, dismissive. She just cuts me off and can’t wait to get away. Fucking bananas. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/08/23 10:40 PM |
| 3 | How Do They Turn It Off So Completely?Yes, towards the end it was brutal and I wasn’t blind to how things were. We were in the midst of it, but my point was why didn’t she talk to me way before then. Looking back now she had definitely checked out and was just waiting for the right time to tell me, which was too late for me. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/08/23 07:39 PM |
| 2 | How Do They Turn It Off So Completely?I will say I realized I was pretty codependent after a while, shamed as I am to admit it. Still didn’t take away most of the things I did I did for me, on the other hand would look quietly on for her appreciation of it. This whole thing has me fucked up and I am embracing the chance to come out of this stronger as a person. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/08/23 02:59 PM |
| 4 | How Do They Turn It Off So Completely?Would never deny my role in it and I’m aware of my faults I will correct in the future. She does not take all the blame, of course I do as well, but I see the difference in I would communicate clearly what I was seeing and how I felt. I know I’m not a victim and hope I’m not coming off that way, I just wish she would have talked to me like how she talked to her friends. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/08/23 02:44 PM |
| 6 | How Do They Turn It Off So Completely?I reject all of this based on me. I never backed off, I never was not masculine. I mentioned this in another post. Disclaimer not sound sound pretentious, but I’ve always been alpha, took charge, the man of the house, not like a fucking caveman, but did the work, responsibilities, hobbies, interests, all that shit. It’s almost like she didn’t appreciate me being a man. I am simple, I don’t primp myself or make myself smell like a goddamn department store. Are they looking for pretty boys with th… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/08/23 02:33 PM |
| 14 | How Do They Turn It Off So Completely?I hear you, but where’s their responsibility in communicating that loss of love with the person they should be open and honest with? How are we supposed to address that before the point of no return when their sounding board and external influences are encouraging the withdrawal from their spouse? That’s what drives me crazy, I firmly believe if that communication was open months, if not years ago, we could have worked together to get it back to what we had. I don’t want to hear about the hints … | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/08/23 12:56 PM |
| 2 | How Do They Turn It Off So Completely?You are right and I know that in the grand scheme of things. It’s in the moments during the emotional rollercoaster of divorce that continue to crush your self esteem that makes it feel your happiness takes a back seat to the happiness of others. I know I’ll come out of this with stronger resolve and determination, just a long road ahead. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/08/23 12:13 PM |
| 2 | Be kind to yourselfDamn man, thanks for writing this. I just posted a pretty sappy one and thinking I should have read this first before doing that. I am in pain and cry when I need to because I have been broken by my wife walking out. But, I have moments of clarity when I remember I am a strong man and will overcome this. How I wish I didn’t have this as my life now, but it is, and I have to rise above it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/08/23 12:08 PM |
| 3 | Talk some sense into meI can imagine how hard that must have been. I posted a similar request a couple weeks ago. I have been holding onto who she was for so long and my memories are of the good times. I have to snap myself out of it by remembering just how cruel she was to me leading up to the day she told me she was done and how little I must have really meant to her as she has completely moved on. My god, I was at home last night watching baseball and she went out of town with her sisters to party it up. We glamori… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/08/23 09:03 AM |
| 1 | How did you move out?I don’t get it. If the mortgage is only in your name couldn’t you just put it up for sale on your own and sell it outright to anyone? I’m not seeing how you have to have her be the one that keeps it, unless you’re ok with that. And, how could she just refinance it on her own since she’s not on the mortgage, she would have to buy it from you at market price, not appraised price. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/08/23 09:09 AM |
| 9 | Thought I Was Doing The Right ThingsIt is absolutely crazy how all of our stories are similar. I had never been on Reddit before this and found it by searching mens divorce support. Once I delved in and started reading the stories of guys being accused of being a narcissist, I thought no way, she would never do that. Well, fuckin’ hell, about a month in she came home when she was still living here and asked if I had ever heard of someone being narcissistic. I almost pissed my pants and started laughing, she drank the kool-aid that… | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/08/23 11:20 PM |
| 8 | The sneakiness of memoriesHappens all the time, I posted about this just the other day. Every time I hear about Covid it brings me down because we did so good during the lockdown and just kept humming along. Any date prior to when she told me she was done I think, damn we were still together then. I was at yoga the other night and More Than A Woman by The Bee Gees was played and I started crying right in the middle of class. Just about every fucking thing brings back a memory that wrecks me. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/08/23 11:01 PM |
| 6 | Thought I Was Doing The Right ThingsShe built a brick wall around herself and no communication or action could get through. This. This is exactly what she did to me. I used an impenetrable wall as the metaphor. It was like she never knew me at all and anything I said bounced off of her. It made no sense and still doesn’t. We were together for 22 years and all of a sudden my words meant absolutely nothing like I was a stranger that was passing her in the grocery store. The sense of helplessness was overwhelming because I couldn’t a… | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/08/23 10:47 PM |
| 4 | Thought I Was Doing The Right ThingsThanks for this. I never did feel appreciated by her. I would keep waiting for her to come check out and ask questions of how things are going during the different projects just to show some kind of interest. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/08/23 08:36 PM |
| 5 | Thought I Was Doing The Right ThingsThanks for posting that. A lot of it resonated with me, mostly trying to meet the needs of my wife. I have definitely realized that I became codependent and my identity and happiness was validated through her. Seems similar to the workhorse definition in the article. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/08/23 07:41 PM |
| 2 | Thought I Was Doing The Right ThingsGoddamn, I just texted the same thing this morning to someone. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/08/23 05:40 PM |
| 11 | Thought I Was Doing The Right ThingsYou know it’s funny, I thought of asking her that specifically: are you doing this because you’re going through a mid-life crisis? But it seemed like a degrading question because how stupid it would be if she was and her ending the marriage was because of it. For Christ’s sake, mid-life crisis is temporary, marriage and family are supposed to be forever. Shallow as fuck if people are throwing away their commitments to live their best life just for themselves. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/08/23 05:01 PM |
| 4 | No peace for men without a wifeWell, I’m the odd man out. Not for religious reasons but I love the thought of having that someone with me. Though my marriage is done, I do hope I can find the right person to spend the rest of my life with. Thought I had it, but she thought otherwise. I’m on the fence of getting married again, but would absolutely share a home with someone. | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/08/23 03:14 PM |
| 2 | Is Your Ex Wife Or STBXF Always In Your Head?You know what’s crazy, she only brought up the negatives for her justification to end our marriage. I tried multiple times to remind her of all the positives but it was wasted breath. Think she just wanted out and cataloged what she used to justify. She brought up something that happened 16 years ago, 16 years! I had no idea it was a thing for her until a month ago when she told me. How does someone harbor that for so long and then bust it out when needed. Funny you say you felt alone, because o… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/08/23 01:38 AM |
| 3 | Saw Her For The First Time In A Couple WeeksDefinitely some truth to this. I do use my anger and negative feelings to help keep me moving forward by trying to not live in the past. Indifferent to feeling the need to be with her anymore. | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/08/23 12:35 AM |
| 6 | Saw Her For The First Time In A Couple WeeksCompletely agree. When she does text me about something it still starts with “Hey” like she would text when we were together. It rubs me all wrong. We are not on good terms, never will be. | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/08/23 12:26 AM |
| 3 | Did Your Former Partner Suddenly Lose Weight And Focus On Their Appearance Before The Breakup?Just posted about this the other day, she took exercising to a whole new level coupled with her self discovery. There was no infidelity and she is still not dating. A lot going on in her head. But, her body is just gross to me now. What was once perfectly proportioned is now shrunk due to the weight loss with muscles and loose skin in the wrong places. She looks good with clothes on, if you like thick veins running down her arms and bulging muscles, but boy when they come off sagging skin where … | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/08/23 09:57 PM |
| 3 | wife moved out. am i required to be her storage unit til we are divorced?I am definitely following this. I have the same question with shit left behind that I am very close to just pitching. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/08/23 11:50 PM |
| 3 | What’s It Like To Feel A New Woman For The First Time?Appreciate that comment. And that’s exactly why I’m taking the time to work on and be happy with myself before jumping back in. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/08/23 02:58 PM |
| 1 | What’s It Like To Feel A New Woman For The First Time?Just to clarify, I’m not looking for or expecting an IG look. Just something natural and healthy. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/08/23 12:58 PM |
| 5 | What’s It Like To Feel A New Woman For The First Time?She wasn’t plump, just that butt of hers was. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/08/23 11:10 AM |
| 4 | Update on Divorce and SeparationSorry you went through that, but encouraging there is light. I’m 7 weeks in since she decided she was done and had the exact same expectations as you as her being my life partner I could always rely on. Since her journey to becoming who she’s supposed to be so she can focus on her happiness, I am left with a dissolved marriage and a broken up family. The kicker, as I would never have expected to hear from the woman I fell in love with and married, is how she’s “entitled” to my 401k and all the r… | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/07/23 11:42 PM |
| 5 | Tell Me To Let Go AlreadyI’ve been chasing, pleading, trying to reason for 6 weeks to keep us together. BUT, there was no infidelity. I wish there was as it would have made it so much easier to let go. There is an objective reason for you to walk away without looking back, she cheated on you. Broke the most sacred trust there should be between a couple. Not only once, but twice. You did nothing wrong and should hold your head high that you kept your honor and commitment to her. Ask yourself, could you ever trust her aga… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/07/23 09:51 PM |
| 5 | She's not the woman you marriedYou’re not the only one. I have the same thoughts and even asked if the next guy will get the upgraded version 2.0 of you while I stayed with you through your self improvement and not once considered leaving. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/07/23 02:54 AM |
| 3 | Is there something in the water?Divorced friends - mine had a plenty as her support group. Wonder how many of them actually pushed her to try to save our marriage? My guess is not one of them. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/07/23 11:35 PM |
| 15 | She's not the woman you marriedMan, I just posted something very similar the other night. I have been a wreck these last 6 weeks as I know I miss and am still in love with who she was. I’ve tried multiple times to talk about saving our marriage, and she gets angry with me, angry about keeping a 19 year marriage together. Says I need to respect her boundaries. We’ve been together for 22 years and 6 weeks ago was the first time she used that on me. Thank you self help books. I’ve been slowly coming to terms that she is simply n… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/07/23 10:58 PM |
| 4 | I’m finally doing something for myself.That’s great, congrats. I’m sitting here on my patio thinking what can I do for myself now. Second family trip I won’t be going on is coming up in a couple weeks, her side of the family’s annual beach trip. The first one was earlier this month, I still took the week off but stayed home. Was the absolute worst week of my life and I can’t do that again. Since I already have the time off, was thinking of heading down solo to Miami Beach to lounge by a pool and ocean for a week in a new environment.… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/07/23 10:09 PM |
| 1 | 'Men want to be alone, but we don't want to be by ourselves'Thank you. Your comment on seeking validation fully resonates with me and I know it’s a problem. Due to lack of affection, appreciation and intimacy from her I would constantly seek that validation by doing projects/chores around the house and waiting for her to notice or seem interested in what I was doing. For fucks sake, when I set the coffee maker up the night before I still make enough for both of us thinking she’ll appreciate I’m doing it for her. One more week and it’ll just be enough cof… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/07/23 01:00 PM |
| 1 | Missing the memories and life, maybe not the personThanks for sharing. I hear’ya on random hookups, just feel like I’ve been there done that in my younger days. Jumping straight into an LTR isn’t smart either, but guess we’ll see what happens when I get there. Good luck to you. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/07/23 01:45 AM |
| 1 | Missing the memories and life, maybe not the personI’m only asking out of genuine curiosity. 7 years post divorce, have you tried, thought about or been with another woman? I just commented on another post about being afraid of being alone in life now. I’m not close to being ready to date yet but I hope I get there. I love my stbxw dearly, even though she literally has no interest in this marriage anymore, and I can’t imagine another taking her place as I sit here tonight. But I also can’t imagine not having someone eventually in my life again t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/07/23 12:54 AM |
| 5 | 'Men want to be alone, but we don't want to be by ourselves'I loved the companionship and having that person to share life with. It’s only been 5 weeks since she told me she is done and the thought right now of dating just turns me off. Assume I’ll get there at some point, but I am afraid of being alone. I just turned 52 and I have no idea what to expect. She’s moving out this coming weekend so haven’t even had the chance to live for myself yet and don’t even know what that will feel like. I do like my own things, hunting, hanging with my guy friends, go… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/07/23 12:04 AM |
| 15 | Why didn’t I get the talk?Absolutely in the same boat as you and it’s maddening. Had another conversation with her about the same thing this morning and why didn’t she communicate with me to say exactly what’s on her mind. And now it’s too late and nothing I can do. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/07/23 08:22 PM |
| 5 | Not a cry for attention but serious question. What is the point of living?Please, please you are worth it. Your child thinks you’re worth it and they are who you need to concentrate on, not your ex. She is not worth your pain, say it out loud, she is not worth your pain. Do not let her control you like this, take back your control for yourself and your child. You are worth it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/07/23 10:53 PM |
| 3 | Divorce Plans/ConcernsI’m in this situation right now, and it is brutal. I’m into the 4th week since she told me she wants a divorce and she’s moving into an apartment 07/22. Can’t even imagine what it would be like for 5 years. I feel like my life is stuck in neutral and can’t begin to heal and move forward with her still here. 0/10, would not recommend. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/07/23 09:40 PM |
| 10 | Divorce is so much worse than I imaginedThought the same that I could have written it. Horrible day for me today too, out of nowhere. It’s only been 3 weeks here since she dropped the bomb on me. She’s moving out at the end of the month. She is so resolute of not working on things that I’m at a total loss. Think she used to have a heart for me but that has completely shriveled up. Sorry yours is taking longer, but I totally agree, feel like I’m stuck in neutral with ability to move forward while she’s still here. Hope we all get throu… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/07/23 01:10 AM |
| 9 | My wife of 17 years just left with my 9 year old sonThat one hurt to read, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Divorce is simply awful. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/06/23 08:28 AM |
| 2 | Stuck in the sadnessWhat I mean is that it feels good to cry, get these emotions out of my head and off my chest. It’s a relief to talk about it vs just thinking about it. The fleeting moment of that relief ends when the reality of this kicks back in and I can’t believe this is happening. Guess I’m firmly stuck in denial and until I’m closer to accepting what is happening I’m afraid that temporary relief will keep repeating. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/06/23 12:13 PM |
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