Two weeks yesterday that my wife (50) told me (51) she wants a divorce. We would have celebrated 20 years in October, but now it’s all gone. I am crushed beyond belief and just feel broken. We’ve had issues; poor communication, lack of affection and intimacy but nothing that I thought was insurmountable. I am, maybe foolishly, convinced if we worked together and committed to making the best us possible we can be stronger than ever. Unfortunately, she sees it otherwise and I’ve been told multiple times, in no uncertain terms, that she is “done”.

I am certain she made this decision a while ago and is well past any mourning of what we had and just wants to get on with her life. I’m positive there’s no infidelity, physically or emotionally, and have wondered if that would have made it easier to deal with. Just point to it as the reason. She made her mind up she doesn’t want this marriage anymore, doesn’t want to work on it and is just moving on.

We had one couples counseling session, but it was too late. She told me she had zero confidence it would work and basically just went through the motions.

I’ve been relying on this and other divorce subs and taking solace that I’m not alone. But, I’ve never felt such darkness, despair and sadness in my life.

I know I’m only two weeks in and everyone’s posts says it will get better, but like a lot of what I’ve read from others, I just can’t see it now.

I’ve done the requisite suggestions; gym, support from friends, books, started counseling and it does help, but just for fleeting moments.

Both my kids (16 and 18) are out for the night and my wife went to stay at her Mom’s. So, getting a taste of what my soon to be life is going to be like alone in this house with my dogs. My son starts college in the fall and looking at 50/50 custody for our daughter. We are committed to an amicable process and coming to terms on an agreement on how things will be split to minimize lawyer costs and so far so good with that. For some reason I am able to compartmentalize the “business” side of this and think clearly and coherently but am an absolute mess with everything else.

She’ll be moving into an apartment in the next few weeks and I’m staying in the house for the next couple years until our daughter graduates high school. Then we’ll either sell or I’ll buy her out of the mortgage with a refinance. Market is just not friendly for buyers with high interest rates and low inventory.

I am looking for reassurance that it will indeed get better, because I loved being her husband, I loved putting my wedding ring on every morning and knowing she was my wife. My partner is gone, my family is broken up and I want off this emotional rollercoaster.