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IceDue123 Archive

View 5 posts and 368 comments by IceDue123 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Well, you’re not a man and not in the process of divorcing so you should probably post somewhere else.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 01:14 AM
0

I’m sure a man could file a lawsuit so he can work out at Curves but that would be disrespectful to their current members which is exclusively women. I don’t think I’m unkind to point out that this is a men’s forum and that you have ample opportunity to voice your opinion in more appropriate forums. I don’t read the the divorce_women forum but I’m pretty sure if I did post there I would be reminded that it is a women’s space
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/26 09:27 PM
2

Totally my story
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/26 07:13 PM
3

My ex did that and I calmly told her we’re not in a place where we have conversations anymore. It was really weird because she slipped in the past mode where we were friends. I think she forgot she was cheating on me
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/26 07:12 PM
3

A lot of that happened to me was the same. Talking to a therapist, she said things that happened were common in an abusive relationship. I denied ever abusing my wife. The therapist said, no, you were the one being abused. Totally caught me off guard
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/26 07:08 PM
1

Hey wonderboobs this is a men’s space. Women are welcome to post on the divorce and divorce women subreddit
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/26 07:04 PM
1

Ugh I had just retired and Covid hit and she started working at home I couldn’t get away from her
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/26 07:00 PM
3

My exact experience, I knew for 6 months and we were in house separated for three months. I provided for her and her family for 27 years. The thing was she was so awful I couldn’t take the disrespect and filed which got her out of the house. My lawyer tried to talk me out of filing but I was done. Six years later my ex married the AP in Italy I found out accidentally but really don’t give a crap. They are truly shitty people and deserve each other
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/26 06:58 PM
3

This was my experience totally soul crushing
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/26 06:51 PM
3

Yeah, I waited two months after everything was resolved and called the attorney for AP’s wife. She deserved to know. Both shitbag cheaters blamed everything on their betrayed spouses. Typical.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/26 06:46 PM
1

That’s what I did. Boy, was she mad. She texted me looking for an argument, I said I’m following the court order and I’m not going to debate it. And get this, two years after that she was moving into AP’s house,s she asked if she could put stuff in the storage unit. I guess I forgot we were friends and did each other favors.m
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/26 06:39 PM
1

Man she already had eight years to get that degree
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 04:25 AM
3

Lifetime contracts are either void or unenforceable but somehow lifetime alimony still exists. Which if you don’t pay, you go to jail, like debtors prison. Which aren’t a thing in the US unless they are.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 04:18 AM
6

This was my scenario. AP wasn’t ready to fully jump so ex wanted me to pay the bills while she lives in a separate bedroom. She wouldn’t leave because she said she didn’t want to move twice, which I guess meant moving out then moving in again later with AP. I stupidly thought she was going to come to her senses but then could not stand the disrespect so I filed and she moved out.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 04:12 AM
1

Yeah it sucks Just takes time I guess
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 03:17 AM
1

My anger has faded somewhat (it’s been six years) I accept that’s she’s just a selfish asshole like millions of other people and realized that nothing she says or does now affects me in the slightest Good riddance
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 02:29 AM
3

I used to think my ex was a good mother and wife. After our divorce because she went back to her abusive college boyfriend I think she’s neither of those and overall a terrible person. Boy, do I feel dumb
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 02:25 AM
1

Get the biggest tv you can afford and the best games and gaming consoles. Also gaming chairs. Learn how to cook macaroni and cheese from scratch. Invite all his friends and don’t have anything that you care if it breaks. They’ll never leave.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 08:27 PM
2

Ugh, I lived through the singing and dancing, absolutely soul crushing
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 10:23 PM
6

Yeah, OP post shows somewhat of a male mindset. Yours skews female and is incompatible here. There are other sub Reddits more appropriate for you
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 10:21 PM
6

Fuck no. She bounced and left every single bit of parenting to me. She never paid a dime in college costs or support. Hell, she still owes me child support. I don’t wish her a happy day, a sad day or any kind of day. She’s just someone I used to know.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 10:00 PM
2

Gave up on doing anything for the kids. Cooking, shopping, cleaning and chauffeuring was on me. Also spent no time with kids, she was either with AP or on phone with AP hill locked in bedroom. Snuck valuables out of the house that weren’t on her property split. I got some back, and my lawyer hated her and wanted to go back to court to get stuff back but I said no. Also refused to let movers put the heavy sleeper sofa from the den to replace the one she took from the living room. Also took the un…
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 02:30 PM
12

Being in an argument and then getting the silent treatment and not knowing what I did wrong. Hint-it wasn’t me.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 05:24 PM
4

Yeah, you have to stop sugarcoating stuff and force yourself to remember the bad times. For example, a couple of years after I divorced, I went to Hawaii with my kids and we went hiking. I was reminiscing and wished my ex was with us until I remembered that she would have complained because: We had to get up early We had to hike in the rain She would want to stop early because her leg hurt, (or foot or whatever) The trail was muddy My kids and I had a great time, and my ex would only have ruined…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/26 07:36 PM
1

💯I kept it for my kids continuity, and even saw a spike in the value but wish I’d sold it to move on. All my buddies who kept their houses were delayed in moving on.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 10:16 PM
1

Oh man, I got a WhatsApp update of my ex and I’m like what’s this? She had the Maya Angelou quote on her profile, “It’s not what you said, it’s not what you did, people will remember you for how you made them feel. “ Plus a picture of her and our kids on the profile. What a phony, she walked out, took a bunch of stuff including the kids DVD player, she ghosted the kids for six months and still barely see them cuz she is living life with AP. Plus break my heart, gas lit me and left with 900k I ea…
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 10:34 PM
1

Ugh. My ex gaslit me so much it’s hard to know where to start. When I found out she was having an affair, she accused me of having an affair. Which was crazy, but but she might have actually convinced herself of that, which makes her crazy because there wasn’t anything that would point to that. My ex went to any attorney to do an amicable divorce.I told her and her attorney I was going to get my own attorney. I got my own attorney and filed when my ex went on vacation to South Beach with AP. My …
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 08:05 PM
1

Absolutely the worst experience of my life. Happened during COVID so made it worse. It gets better because it can’t be worse.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 07:16 PM
1

Yeah, I think this my situation. Ex could be remarried as it’s been 5 years but idk
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 03:21 AM
2

Oh yeah forgot bought her a car, too.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/26 08:11 PM
1

Man, this is my story verbatim.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/26 06:37 PM
2

Yep, sounds like mine. Planning trip to Europe, refinanced house, get a new life insurance policy with me as beneficiary, all within one month of D day. Affair going on for idk how long. OP should consider that his STBXW is having an affair, but just not ready to move out yet.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/26 06:33 PM
2

Vows are just words, uttered by my ex. Um, no because we get a license from the state, get officiated by the clergy and its witnessed by our closest family and friends
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 03:46 PM
2

Yeah then they get a butterfly tattoo because they’re finally free. Sickening! After divorce, me best friend posted a picture of a car rear view mirror with a nuclear explosion, his ex posted all the fun pictures from the healing girl trip she was on.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 03:42 PM
4

Sounds like my story except ex left after 27 years for college boyfriend who refused to marry her but then got married and divorced from two other women. They’re together six years now and I’m still the only person who ever asked her to marry.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 03:38 PM
3

Accused of cheating by the cheater-check
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/26 08:15 PM
2

Miserable for years-check
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/26 08:15 PM
2

I did the same. I want to build a time machine to journey into the past so I can punch myself in the face
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 06:14 AM
2

Bro, I was married 23 years. You will feel better in the coming days, but you will probably be somewhat scarred forever. Remember, your healing is not a straight line, but wil be like a rising zig zag line. Some days you will backslide and feel worse, it’s part of the process
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 06:12 AM
2

My D day was one week after we refinanced house.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 06:09 AM
2

Yeah, OP, I got everything you got. , the ILYBINILWY, the No feelings, the great father. Made no sense until I found out about the affair
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 06:07 AM
3

I worked in the legal realm, but I think Family law is watered down version . My example is this. Ex went to a lawyer in Jan 17. Lawyer told her to pull all her records and provide them in 4 weeks. Six weeks later I filed, so statutorily ex was required to provide discovery by last week in April, which was a week before our first hearing At the hearing the judge thought reciprocal discovery was completed but we said no, they have not complied. Judge gave then three more weeks. 3 weeks go by stil…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 04:12 AM
3

💯I don’t think is some great unburdening when you wave your hands and say oh I forgive her. She cheated, it’s in the past, I don’t see her anymore it’s done. I never forgave kids who bullied me when I was younger it just stopped and everyone moved on
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 08:23 PM
1

Dude you are divorced, she had no power over you. YOU kept yourself involved and she used you. I have a friend who helps out his ex (she had financial issues after the alimony ran out) but gets all mad when she gets a new BF. I cut all ties to my ex the day she moved out, It was extremely difficult at first but you gotta rip that band aid off. So I’m sorry this happened but guys have to learn that not only does she not love you, she doesn’t even like you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 02:42 PM
1

Right before the divorce I suggested marriage counseling because we seemed to be stuck on issues, My ex countered with what could I say to a marriage counselor that I couldn’t say to her. I realized that was a trap and declined. As for boundaries I told a female colleague that I was uncomfortable hearing about her dating life. She kept telling me, I objected and her reply was I was her friend so therefore I had to listen. Total manipulation. So right now I think all women totally disregard bound…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 02:32 PM
1

I was talking to my therapist and she said something about what was common in abusive relationships. I argued I never abused anyone. The therapist said, no I meant that you were being abused with the gaslighting and deception. That’s abuse. It took minute to sink in because I never saw myself as a victim of abuse, just that I was in a shitty relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 11:18 AM
2

💯I don’t know why people do this. My friend is 7 years divorced and people constantly tell him when his ex has a new BF on Facebook
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 04:27 AM
2

My ex’s last job before we moved was school counselor
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 04:06 AM
2

Yep mine too.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 12:24 AM
10

My gas lighting, cheating ex is a Family therapist, which includes marriage counseling and helping kids cope with divorce. Despite a Master’s from an Ivy league school, she refused to work more than 15 hours a week or commute more than 20 minutes Edit-Wow, viewing the comments it’s like mostly nurses and therapists. Maybe their empathy gets turned off.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 06:31 PM
2

It was brutally painful hearing my ex singing in the bathroom as she is getting ready to f@@@ some other dude but I survived and she finally got sick of me and moved out.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 06:12 PM
1

Best is get the best deal you can, get it signed, the tell OBS. I actually called OBS lawyer and told who what where why. I think I made his year as AP had blamed everything on OBS
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/25 02:40 AM
2

File immediately. If it’s a mistake you can always stop the process or get remarried but no one ever does. She had no respect for you and you need to move on. I was 23 years married and it took me 8 months to pull the trigger while my ex was trying to secure her soft landing. The only regret you see on this sub is not that they filed, but they wish they filed sooner
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/25 02:35 AM
2

Dude I’m so sorry. My soul dog died unexpectedly 18 months after the divorce.I worked from home and both kids were in college so we did everything together. I never cried so much in my life. It was worse than the divorce. It’s been three years and I’m still bothered.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 10:28 PM
2

Usually CS is a formula. As for your income, the court will just take the numbers off your tax returns. If it’s reasonable they won’t go any further.Every ex wife claims that this husband is hiding money,
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 10:23 PM
2

I lost 30 right away. I had to forc myself to eat one piece of bread each day.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 10:20 PM
4

Man, I was just complaining about this the other day. Lawyer said we couldn’t get the ring back, but I was puzzled why she would want it. Both rings were worth about 6k. Just a hunch but I thought she sold them before the divorce was even final Evil ex also kept my last name. Our kids are in college, so the only thing I could think of is that she thought AP was going to marry her and she didn’t want to change it twice Hasn’t happened yet (4 years) I think it’s ironic because AP was her HS/colleg…
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 10:17 PM
9

After my ex dipped after 27 years to be with her HS boyfriend with 900k of my assets, I asked myself what, since I’m not going to marry, could possibly f up my life. Answer was another kid. My Dr. agreed.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 02:08 PM
2

💯
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 03:44 PM
3

Yeah it’s wild
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 03:02 AM
5

Oh man this hit home. This bothers me to this day. We have really great kids and she just didn’t care (She had an AP) I have ZERO respect for her. Only sees the kids a couple times a year and pays nothing. Living a responsibility free life with boyfriend who still won’t marry you
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 11:35 PM
10

I made a great pasta dish from recipe my friend gave me. My kids were gobbling it up and my kids asked my ex her thoughts. She said it was good, “so far” Like the more you ate it it would get bad. Couldn’t just give me a straight compliment
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 06:26 PM
10

There’s this big fiction that woman are “doing it all” when in reality a lot of them are just plain lazy. Society doesn’t want to admit that, and it’s covered up because husbands go over and above. I'm still trying to figure out what my ex did all day because it wasn’t cooking and cleaning
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 06:19 PM
2

I tell people who are undecided that once they get divorced they can always remarry their former spouse. No one ever does, though
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 06:03 PM
4

It felt like my ex was a pod person, I couldn’t even recognize her going through the divorce. For someone who wasn’t concerned about money, she made sure to get every penny she could and every household item she could, she even took the kids $25 dvd player. She was unnecessarily cruel and got off on deceiving and gaslighting me I thought she was a good mother but doesn’t support the kids one iota and missed a bunch of school stuff with my daughters I think that by society’s standards she’s a pre…
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 06:41 PM
6

I’m five out and no desire to date. I already built my life and woman today are totally insufferable
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 06:28 PM
6

Hell no! I got one after my divorce and since I’m never getting married again I felt the only way I could really f@@@ up my life was to get somebody pregnant. My urologist agreed
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 06:26 PM
1

Dude is definitely getting f@@@ed with but bite the bullet and get er done. You will feel better once it’s done and another step removing her from your life
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 06:22 PM
4

My my ex wasn’t allowed in my house because she came in when I was out of town moving OUR daughter into college I just took all her stuff and put it in a storage unit and mailed her the key, told her unit was paid for 60 days So I get a text saying who do I think I am, blah, blah. I responded I’m following the court order and my lawyers instruction and I’m not going to debate this. Just knowing she was mad (irrationally) and IDGAF was I huge bright spot for me
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 06:16 PM
3

You described my experience 100%. Uncanny they are all the same
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 05:53 PM
1

I found out my ex was having an affair with her serial cheater twice divorced HS boyfriend. If that’s your dream man and soul mate you are a complete fruit loop. Good riddance
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/25 03:56 AM
2

Do not send her a message or contact her, she will just ridicule you and it will reinforce why she cheated on you.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 04:00 AM
2

I had irrefutable proof of my exs infidelity but she said we divorced because I was a bad communicator and also I had cheated. Pulled the old uno reverse
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 03:54 AM
3

God, are they all the same. I hurt my back and ran out of Alleve. I asked my ex to drive the 5 miles to CVS to get some, she was too busy. So I’m walking thru CVS using two golf clubs as canes cuz I can’t stand upright. 45 minutes after I got back she asked me if I needed anything Oh, and my 11 year divorced friend had a conversation with his ex where she acknowledged that the break up had been pretty rough on him. While not an apology that’s more than I’ll ever get
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 03:49 AM
3

I got the dead eyes too. Creepy.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 03:39 AM
2

Mine too. OP, stop trying to solve the unsolvable equation
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 03:02 AM
2

💯 None of your actions caused her to cheat. If you were a bad partner and she wasn’t a POS, then she should have just left and not blame you. That’s injury on top of injury. And we already established she’s a liar so she’s probably lying about her great new life.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 02:59 AM
2

The marriage face is the false one, the divorce one is real
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 02:50 AM
1

Me neither
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/25 07:58 PM
6

💯I got the I’m not happy but it’s amazing that the only way to make herself happy was to have an affair, get a divorce and destroy the family. Good riddance
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 03:43 AM
2

Me too worse than the divorce
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 11:53 PM
1

Such a cliche. She ‘s free now!
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 08:19 PM
2

Wait what’s a vow. Oh, just words
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 01:11 AM
5

This is the answer I needed 4 years ago. Bye bye drama
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/25 03:27 PM
6

Mine told kids we’re separating but not divorcing (AP was not ready yet) She went to a divorce lawyer the next month. No emotion whatsoever
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 11:33 AM
1

Butterfly?
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 02:23 AM
3

AP deserved a smack for the s@@t he was talking about me but I guess karma will get him in other ways. Or not, but I can’t worry about that.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 01:09 AM
3

Hahaha paragraphs are your friends. She furiously typing like some mental patient
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 11:30 PM
6

💯 Total apologist for women, it’s always, “If a woman acts poorly, then the man made her”
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 05:09 PM
5

So true. They hate you for existing even while you pay for everything
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 04:58 PM
4

Two years ago I went 2 Hawaii with my two daughters. Wonderful experience hiking up a rain forest. I missed my ex a bit then realized she would have ruined the experience because We had to get up early There was a fine, misty rain (We had ponchos) The trail was muddy All of which would have her endlessly bitching Every vacation without her has been an absolute joy Next one is in three weeks
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 02:47 PM
1

U r my hero
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/25 08:04 PM
3

Sorry, that comment made me laugh. I thought I was in a good marriage but once somebody asked me what goal I had in the new year, and my reply was I just want my wife to be nice to me.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/25 07:59 PM
4

Daughter told me not to plan a trip as she was taking one with her mother. Mother canceled at the last minute disappointing kid. That’s it in a nutshell . The rest is just venting
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 03:05 PM
3

Thanks for the support This forum has really been a lifesaver for me.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 01:16 PM
2

It’s abso fing lutely trauma and you need to treat as such. That’s why you can’t make decisions. Your brain chemistry is all messed up. You need to be there for your kid, but you need to put yourself first right now. Healing yourself now means you’re a better dad in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 08:15 PM
2

The feel good story of the day
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 08:41 PM
1

Yeah, ex bailed to live her best life, so I guess kids would just get in the way. Oh, btw, still owes me CS
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 04:22 AM
1

💯She just wants to argue and create drama. My ex did the same when we were married. I could literally not walk away from an argument because she would follow me. $15 copay from the Dr even when I pay all the kids bills? Fine. It took me a minute to realize that my ex was baiting me, and that an argument with me would turn out with her seeking solace with AP. I was part of that toxic triangle when I was married until I divorced and peaced out. Remember, they don’t want to win the argument, they j…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 10:20 PM
1

Haha good on you. It was just a business transaction at that point. It would be foolish to do anything else.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 12:16 AM
2

Monarch thanks for this comment. My ex picked a guy who dumped her 30 years ago over her kids. WTF I will never understand Hope you and your son are doing well
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 12:11 AM
1

No contact for me as well. I will never get over the contempt. Both Ex and AP are selfish, greedy gaslighters, they deserve each other.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 03:03 AM
3

I’m about 4.5 years since ex moved out and divorce was finalized. Ex went to elaborate lengths to maintain the fiction she wasn’t having an affair.Ex and AP actually lived in the same building but different apartments for 2 years. AP bought a house, but I’m pretty sure Ex is not on the deed. I was looking for my kids (they live with me when they’re not at college) on “find my friends” today and saw they were at AP’s house so I guess they’re still together. They could be married for all I know. I…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 02:54 AM
1

My buddy called it the tunnel of 1000 knives. Just when you think you’re free, another knife gets you
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 10:18 PM
1

Thanks. I guess that should have been a clue. Honestly I have no idea what a normal relationship is like. I thought I had one.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 10:13 PM
1

Yeah everyone thinks their situation is unique including me but they are all the same
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 10:09 PM
1

Hope you’re okay now. Totally brutal. I can’t imagine a worse situation.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 10:07 PM
1

I used to get those non-apologies too. One real apology in 27 years.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 02:09 PM
2

A lot of people blame social media, but I think Hollywood has a huge impact. My ex watched “the Notebook” repeatedly and was completely mesmerized by “This is us” These are all red flags that I missed.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 02:04 PM
1

My ex wanted to get engaged so we did. Wanted marriage, ok. Wanted a kid, ok. Wanted a second kid, done. Left us all (with a shit ton of money I either earned or inherited) for AP HS boyfriend who cheated on her and dumped her (ex), then cheated on his new fiancée, then married another girl and cheated on her. And I’m the bad guy
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 01:40 PM
2

Oh man that brings back bad memories. My ex wouldn’t move out after I discovered the affair. Right after youngest turned 18, ex went to lawyer. I was so sick of the disrespect I went to a lawyer and filed. Had my ex served via her lawyer instead of at work like my lawyer wanted. So you think she would be happy, I was actually fast tracking the divorce she wanted so she could be with AP? WRONG. My ex was super pissed I filed and didn’t tell her, which surprised me, because I thought she was getti…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 01:30 PM
1

This is my story 💯
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 01:21 PM
2

My ex moved out (thank god) right before my youngest graduated high school. Ex attended graduation but left shortly afterwards, and ex also skipped a bunch of HS events including band awards banquet where my daughter got a huge award. Over the next six months ex spent probably 2 hours with my kids. Which made things easier emotionally for me but I felt really bad for my kids cuz their Mom was MIA (I think ex was in Europe with AP, now BF. Ex was keeping that a secret from kids to preserve the “W…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 02:32 PM
3

I’m there. God forbid they do any work for the divorce they wanted
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 10:49 PM
8

Absolutely not. There might have been a chance if she had been somewhat honest with me and just wanted to move on, but it was lie after lie after lie. Totally gas lit me after I discovered the affair and refused to move out. Spent weekends with AP while I had to take care of the house and kids. She conspired with AP to get as much of the money I earned and the house equity, she hid money during the the divorce using the kids bank accounts. AP and her got off on the mystery and the romance of the…
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 01:21 PM
3

Sounds like my friend. Tens years later he still invites her to stay at his his parents house for the big family Christmas. WTF. His ex cheated on him with his doctor while he was undergoing treatment.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 01:08 PM
1

Yep HS boyfriend she never got over. Good riddance.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/24 02:49 AM
2

I agree on the buyout of alimony. Maybe you can use sale proceeds to do that. I don’t pay alimony but those who do really hate writing that check every month. It’s like picking a scab.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 07:59 PM
2

Your deal,seems decent, but don’t include language in the order that obligates you to pay the student loan or the car lease. You can pay them, if you want but payments to non minor children should not be in your divorce docs.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 07:57 PM
8

They all do it. You are putting way more thought into than her. Let her be an idiot the only “winning” is to not play. She’s someone else’s problem now.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 11:09 PM
1

The why is she wanted too. Period.It will never be logical so don’t waste any time trying to find reason in an unreasonable situation
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 04:49 PM
1

You’re on track. Don’t be too hard on yourself. The goal is not to be happy, but to be a little less miserable each day. It’s not linear, but like a zig zag going up. Recognize your are going to backslide, and you will wonder where did all my progress go. It’s part of the process you are going to be OK. We are all rooting for you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 04:39 PM
2

On paper, my ex has it all. A boatload of money, from me, no responsibilities for house or kids, a flexible job so she can travel with AP. I date sporadically if at all and finances were stretched but better now. I would much rather be me than her.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 02:41 PM
3

Sorry you are here. 23 year marriage. I tried to gut it out after d day, but after about 6 months went to Dr, answered yes to all the questions about depression (do you lack focus, etc) got prescribed an SSRI. Started taking it, got weird side effects. I researched SSRIs and realized some of these side effects can be life long. Didn’t want that so I stopped with Dr consent. I took Xanax for a while and it really helped but I made sure it was a temporary fix and had a plan once D was in the rear …
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 01:59 PM
3

This💯. My ex should be the happiest person on earth, she got a boatload of money, doesn’t have to work , gets AP full time and has no responsibilities for the kids and their schooling. She still did a bunch of provocative things to make cause drama. I just refused to participate. Trust me it was hard not to retaliate.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 01:15 PM
5

💯
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 01:02 PM
1

My ex was the best liar I ever met, which is quite an accomplishment considering I worked in law enforcement and career criminals lied to me everyday. In addition to her gaslighting lies she: Had a device to scan the car for a tracker Used prepaid gas debit card to disguise where she bought gas Reset the trip odometer in the car to hide the mileage Hid money in a bank account she opened in my daughter’s name (I only found this out this week when the account was closed and the closing statement s…
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 03:06 AM
2

So lazy. You just go to DMV with the decree. Boom, it’s done
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 02:44 AM
1

I wanted ex to change her name back but lawyer said I couldn’t force it. I just think it’s weird she’s with AP but still uses my name.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 02:42 AM
1

Best advice I ever got, “Cut all ties”
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 03:28 PM
2

You need to reframe how you think about things. Were you never by yourself when you were married? Was it terrible? I had to get over this myself. My ex used to take my kids to overnight weekend competitions so I was by myself. I did whatever I wanted, ate whatever I wanted, had my own schedule. So it’s not the same, but you have to look at the positives.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 03:21 PM
3

😂😂
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 03:14 PM
1

In the Federal system she cannot be on your insurance because she’s not a member of your family. I think this was my ex’s first dose of reality because she had to squeeze a bunch of Dr visits into that last 30 days. My insurance was pretty good, but my ex had to go on Obama care which is not nearly as good (or as cheap)
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 03:12 PM
1

FWIW, I have NEVER heard of someone on this sub Reddit who a year later felt that they were too selfish. This board is littered with people who were too nice, gave way too much, and then regretted it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 03:02 PM
1

OP, you are probably going to have to hear this a many times before it sinks in. Your priorities have changed for the time being and you are going to have to put yourself first. Meaning all decisions for now will be based on your self interest. Don’t neglect the kid, but he’s her kid too and she has her responsibilities to him. An example is when I was going through it I contemplated sacrificing and living in a studio apt while ex and kids stayed in the house. Who would benefit, not me, ex and A…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 02:54 PM
3

A couple years before divorce we got a dog. Kids wanted one, I wanted one but I needed them to be a litter bit older to help, but dog was mostly my responsibility. One day I had an extremely long day, like out of the house at 430 am and back at 7 pm. When my 14 yo daughter got home, ex was raging. “This dog had been pooping and peeing all day” (He was still a puppy, but would go outside if you took him out regularly) My daughter legitimately asked if she had taken the dog outside, the response w…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 02:29 PM
15

Holy crap dude! Stop this immediately! There are thousands of people in your area that need help with things that will appreciate you and not gaslight you! You are not her husband anymore stop doing husband stuff!
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 01:52 PM
2

OP should change title to In military and person I used to know is talking sh*t about me. Anybody with half a brain cell knows it’s all BS and doesn’t care, so it shouldn’t bother you. If you don’t badmouth mom, and she trashes you, your kids are old enough to figure it out. As for anybody else, who cares? I’ll bet that during your military career, someone you interacted with doesn’t like you and disparages you. So what?
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 01:44 PM
2

I have had ZERO anxiety issues since my divorce. The anxiety I was experiencing was due to the efforts I was making to build a perfect life. I’m still working on getting my cortisol level in check. Sometimes at night, it feels a little empty. But what’s not there is the feeling that I failed, and I don’t go to bed after a fight feeling shitty when I don’t even know what the fight was about.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 01:14 PM
3

Dude, after my divorce I was jealous of three friends who went on trips to Europe and Hawaii with their spouses. Three years later , all are divorced. I was able to secure a decent financial settlement, so I’ve had a few friends ask me how I did it because they are not happy in their marriages.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 01:03 PM
2

Man, I smartened up and noped out of that relationship after a couple months. Things I discovered: She had been arrested for hitting someone’s car in a parking lot and not leaving a note. She has/had substance abuse issues, including nitrous oxide. She wanted 30k from me to invest in a house to rent to her most recent ex-boyfriend. She got into an argument with her boss because she was habitually late, which is her boss’s pet peeve and quit. She was making $1000 per day and was added as a full a…
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 06:43 PM
6

Boy this sounds like me except one, maybe two apologies in 27 years
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 07:53 PM
2

My ex was working but I was retired. I asked for alimony as an offset for my pension. I waived alimony when she gave up the claim on the pension. Ask for everything you are legally entitled to, let the attorneys and the judge sort it out. Don’t have any convo, you won’t resolve anything and she will use it as a fact finding opportunity Trying to be a stand up guy will only hurt you, she’s not your wife she is a legal adversary
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 10:09 PM
9

If she’s not with a man now, she has one lined up
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 09:33 PM
3

3,days after she moved out I lent x my car so I could fix hers that broke.During the car exchange I noticed she was wearing a ring. I wish I could invent a Time Machine so I can go into the past and punch myself in the face
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 09:31 PM
3

The sneakiness just adds to the thrill. Y Stbxw could have gone an hour away and op would have never known. She knows op knows and is baiting him to force an argument. She will then claim to be a victim and boo hoo to AP, who will then be all, “I’m sorry you have to go thru that.” They will then spend the next hour bashing you, then bash APs wife, then say stuff like, “I wish I could hold you in my arms forever” Yuck. Oh, yeah if op refuses to get sucked into an argument, his Stbxw will just fab…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 03:41 AM
3

Yeah 27 years and two kids meant nothing to her compared to attention from AP. It took a loooooong time for me to accept that.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 03:29 AM
1

Yeah bro that hurts. What really hurt for me was going thru the LPs she left. A lot of them were duplicates for my LPs. Despite very dissimilar backgrounds, we both like a lot of the same music
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 03:23 AM
1

Yeah, I did that too but just sent her a key in the mail. It was only about 100 yards from her job. Was she ever pissed. Technically the stuff was mine since she left it for over 90 days. She then left a bunch of stuff she didn’t want which I then had to throw away when I closed the unit. Ex then emailed about 18 moths later to see if she could use the unit. I told her no I closed it. I found out later she wanted it to help her move in with AP
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 03:21 AM
1

I seriously think that women have a psychological need to nag. That’s why that hate being by themselves, because they have no one to nag. That’s why men like to alone, no one nagging them.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 03:13 AM
1

Omg so true. Children in adult bodies
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 12:42 AM
3

I had rock solid evidence but all she did was gaslight me and deny, deny, deny. Told me I was crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 12:41 AM
1

Remeber, 401k is pre tax. Primary property gets an exclusion when you sell, and you only pay cap gain rates on the amount above the exclusion
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 12:37 AM
2

Man, we have the same story. I kept the house for my kids and it really benefited them. It kind of hindered me from moving on but rose in value about 40% in two years. If you have to pay alimony (ugh) make sure it ends after she remarries OR COHABITATES In my agreement, ex got 50k within 24 hours of the judge signing, and another 50k within 10 days. She was in the fog and I think the lure of fast money was enticing. I ended up refinancing (yay 2.5 %) but that took a month to pay her the remainde…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 12:34 AM
3

You say it a lot,but it can’t be said enough. You’re in a love triangle, but you get all the hate and AP gets all the love. It goes downhill real fast.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 12:12 AM
6

It’s insane how they think they are special, but the story is is same. It’s such a cliche.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 06:20 PM
3

We have the same story, only I had a better lawyer (and I was a better client) so she didn’t get it all. She still got way, way too much.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 03:39 AM
2

Did the pick me, lost my wife and my self respect. Then I played the Uno reverse, filed and served her, life got better. Her anger at being served was an unexpected bonus.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 02:51 AM
48

That men will sacrifice their happiness for their family, while women will sacrifice their family for their happiness
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 12:34 AM
1

Hang in there mate. After months of torture and status quo, mine packed up in the middle of the night while I was sleeping and moved out, so there is always hope.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 02:30 AM
2

In the Shallows, particularly these lines: Tell me something, boy Aren’t you tired tryin’ to fill that void? Or do you need more? Ain’t it hard keepin’ it so hardcore? It just resonated with me, I had that verse on my refrigerator
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 07:31 PM
4

I’m former LE, and I would rather be in actual prison than go through “in house” separation with kids and an ongoing affair. Totally soul crushing.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 02:15 PM
3

💯 I’m four years out and this is still going on with me. I used to love to read and watch football. Now I do neither. I kind of have to force myself to do things I should enjoy but don’t have any desire to do. Once it’s done I do get some sense of accomplishment,
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 02:11 PM
2

That’s pretty much my story. Maintaining contact with her HS boyfriend was a boundary crossed. Turns out she was miserable for years and HS boyfriend was the only one who understands yada yada yada. 25 year marriage is done
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 01:20 AM
1

My ex304 didn’t change it back. My lawyer said there’s nothing I can do. I think my ex kept it so her clients (she’s a therapist) wouldn’t know. She was already wearing another ring in place of the nice Diamond wedding ring and engagement ring I bought her.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 10:49 PM
2

Thanks man. Yeah, I’m doing good. After the divorce was finalized, my lawyer asked me if I would ever take her back. I said no, she was just so f ing cruel. Three years later I still find it hard to believe The woman you divorce is definitely not the woman you married
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 12:34 AM
7

I say that all the time.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 06:26 PM
1

My ex reached out to my mom about a year after the divorce was finished, saying she and my mom were good friends (true) and that there were things about the divorce my mom didn’t know. WTF leave my mom out of it. I didn’t tell your kids or your family how you left for HS boyfriend d***.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 02:02 PM
2

My ex told me twice “I have no feelings for you” I literally felt that in my heart. 27 years together 23 married
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 01:57 PM
6

💯
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 01:01 AM
3

My cheating ex ditched our 25 year marriage and our two daughters to be with AP, her hs boyfriend after extensive gaslighting. When WhatsApp updated my contacts I saw this quote was in her profile
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/24 11:18 PM
3

I started on them then stopped after researching side effects. I’m not a Dr, so this is my personal opinion. Ssris can permanently change your brain chemistry. A lot of people are on them for life. I didn’t want that.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/24 10:01 PM
7

The feel good post of the day
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 01:28 AM
10

As a child of divorce who is now divorced there is nothing to celebrate everyone loses
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 01:27 AM
2

I got the same and, yup, it was an affair.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 02:59 PM
7

Yeah, I was fooled too. I went from wanting her back to “Good Riddance”
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 01:54 AM
3

I saw a bunch of contemporaries get divorced in their 20s after 2-3 years of marriage and then a surprising number get divorced in their 50s. The 20s divorces were just incompatibility but the 50s were all based on wife infidelity. I’m a little older and formerly law enforcement so your results may vary.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 01:38 AM
10

You don’t know from the outside what is going on so don’t compare you situations. I was jealous of my friends and their spouses because they took trips to Hawaii, Las Vegas and Europe, Two years later they are all divorced. Plus a bunch of my friends were envious of me after I got divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 01:32 AM
1

Haha. That was part of her collection. It was kinda sad when I was packing up because we had a lot of the same albums when we met, and we bonded over our mutual like in some of the music. Her taste changed over the years, though. She also has a bunch of bad stations programmed into the car radio. I just listened to the classic rock station
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 01:26 AM
2

I got Eric Clapton and Decade. I’ll get your suggestions when I find them!
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 01:21 AM
2

Well, it surprised her, AP, my lawyer and my friends. I was simping HARD. I hit the breaking point when she went to South Beach with AP and I could not tolerate the disrespect anymore. It put me in the driver’s seat and I pushed hard the make the divorce happen. I just needed her out of my life. She moved out shortly after I filed and it’s been better everyday since
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 01:18 AM
2

Mine too! So it would be me against you, your AP and your attorney. No thanks. I got my own attorney and filed and boy ex was really pissed. I even served her attorney instead of personal service at ex’s place of work, which is what my bull dog attorney wanted. Ex said I could have least texted her that I filed. Seriously, she’s banging another guy and plotting with him on how to get the maximum amount of money that I inherited, earned or invested and a I should show her courtesy? WTF.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 09:18 PM
1

Xanax is great. I try to steer people away from ADs as they permanently change your brain chemistry and have a host of side effects
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 04:38 PM
1

Mine too because one of the worst things that could happen to me actually happened so there wasn’t anything to worry about any more
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 04:33 PM
8

That was my exs plan too but she got careless and I found out. Lie after lie after lie. I was so disgusted I became the one pushing the divorce along. After docs were signed I called APs wife to let her know because guess what that was APs plan too. Their sickening behavior went a long way to me getting over her. They deserve each other and I hope they stay together a long time
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 01:52 AM
4

Many people here, including me, will tell you that you cannot trust her. Believe nothing of what she says, and half of what she does. I also thought my marriage was better than my friends and I trusted my ex 💯 In the end it didn’t matter, she did what she wanted, which was hook up with high school boyfriend who dumped her.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 07:58 PM
12

This was the hardest pill to swallow, that she didn’t respect me and was not my friend. Seemingly happened overnight. Four years later it seems surreal.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 07:51 PM
19

I was in a similar situatio. It hurt and didn’t make sense, until I learned to was another guy in the picture. I’m betting it’s the same for you. Sorry. Its tough to believe because she was your best friend (mine was too) but she now has a new best friend and you are just in the way. im four years out and life is good. My buddy just recently said that I’m probably better off now. Three years ago I would have vehemently disagreed, but I had to say he’s right. As unique as you think your situation…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 03:20 PM
1

I was in the same situation. I have way more house than I need. Moving helps you move on. My buddy stayed in his house and I really think that hindered him from moving on. Do some redecorating, change or move furniture, make the house how you want it, all that helps. Three years later for me, most ghosts are gone. I’m at 2.5 too, so the thought that every month I’m actually making money actually helps. I bought a huge tv and gaming consoles for the kids, so they enjoy the space a lot more now. I…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 03:13 PM
5

As soon as divorce was finalized, I took the new job that was waiting for me. My income was the highest I ever had. New job had a lot of international travel, so the new passport and global entry I got for travel with now ex wife was well utilized. Adfitionally, I’m now part of a new start up with very favorable upside. I bought the ex out of our house at a 2.5 mortgage so payments are roughly the same. House has appreciated about 50% since it was appraised for buyout. My kids in college live wi…
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 09:15 PM
2

She monkey branched to another dude. The more she moves to him, the crueler she wil be to you. Cut your losses and file. If this is a mistake (which it’s not) you can always remarry her. Speaking from experience.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 01:40 AM
2

No, I meant I was the same guy but when they have the affair you have to be the bad guy otherwise they would be doing something terrible. If you have any faults they are magnified and I found my ex was just making stuff up about how bad I was so her white knight AP could save her. So good riddance.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 05:35 PM
3

Boy is this spot on. I went from great guy to violent drunk after I discovered the affair
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 12:43 AM
1

💯
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 12:33 AM
5

Thanks for this, I read it every time you post it. It’s my situation and 4 years later I still find it hard to believe it happened.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 12:09 AM
1

She was probably only going to get probation but if she doesn’t appear the judge will issue a bench warrant and she’ll definitely see the inside of a jail cell
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 12:01 AM
1

Yeah don’t mess around with demand letters and that nonsense. My approach and it pressured ex into settling because the motion actually made her do something and pay her lawyer, versus their previous approach which was do nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 05:05 PM
1

Once I found out who it was(HS boyfriend who dumped her) and what they were saying to each other, I thought this is some stupid fantasy they have and I want no part of it and it strengthened by resolve to remove her from my life
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 04:42 PM
6

Yeah, when I was in the shit, I was talking to my stbxw about our kids school. When we were done, she started to talk about her friend. I said that we’re not in the position where we talk about stuff like that together anymore and left. At that point she was texting and talking to AP for hours, so she can call him
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 04:51 AM
1

I couldn’t cook with curry or sautéed with avocado oil because it made the house smell. And no kidding I wasn’t allowed to use a knife to cut chicken because it wasn’t needed. And of course I loaded the dishwasher wrong, I also unloaded it wrong too.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 03:44 AM
2

Same thing happened to me. Wife of 27 years finally moved out while openly having an affair. She pretty much ghosted both daughters for the next 6 months. I mean, maybe saw them 5 times. She missed HS senior daughter award banque where daughter recieved THE major award. Missed sr prom, so I had to help with dress and hair. Came to a HS graduation (no dinner or party) and the elders college graduation ( again, no dinner or party) Ex rarely saw daughters for next three years, despite living 10 min…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 03:55 PM
2

I got “You’re a great father and husband” card on Fathers Day and “I don’t want to be married “ exactly one week apart.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 01:28 AM
4

Yeah, I was a loser and a wierdo and a@used her so why she would keep my name is a mystery to me. I wonder what AP thinks of her keeping my name?
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 01:41 PM
3

I asked my lawyer if we can get ex to change from my name, and she said no. I am still a little riled because my name is not common and is important to me. It would have been extremely easy for ex to change as all her credentials are in her maiden name. Ex has been with AP three years later and lives with him in a house he owns (she is not on the title as she was with me). The only thing I can figure out is that ex wants to marry AP and take his name. My ex is extremely lazy and would not want t…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 01:32 PM
3

This was me. My ex didn’t disclose a bank account and property she inherited in a foreign country. I didn’t care, I got to keep enough of the money I earned. It was worth more to me to get rid of her. Remember, you don’t want a good deal, you want a good enough deal.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 07:31 PM
2

Op, listen to Rev. He is 100% right. ANY power they have to f@@@ with you they will. You are getting a tremendous opportunity to simplify your life. Once away from you, they revert to their true selfish, stupid and contrary natures. My ex refused to give me the PIN I needed (which came to her phone) for the IRS website so I could get the tax transcripts to complete the refi to pay her out. For the record, my kids are in college, and I pay for ALL their expenses. It’s a bargain knowing I don’t ha…
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/23 02:34 AM
3

Same here. You can fire me but you can’t demote me to friend. Plus my friends have integrity and honesty.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 04:01 PM
6

My ex said,vows are just words.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/23 03:01 PM
4

My ex said,vows are just words.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/23 03:01 PM
0

You are on a bad trajectory. You are doing too much, leading to resentment. She resents you for starting the discussion about unequal work. She is selfish and lazy. Your story was my story. You need to read, No more Mr Nice Guy. My ex moved out and I got divorced and I was shocked when I realized how little contribution ex made to the marriage
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 03:27 PM
2

I’ve had a couple of those moments. The last one was from a girl I was dating who worked in my dentist office. All the office girls said I was a gentleman and that ex was a bitch, which included an example where there was a huge blow up in the office and my ex demanded all her medical records and stalked off in a huff. I felt validated for a minute then realized everyone viewed me as a guy who was married to a bitch. LOL
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 12:58 PM
2

House was 50/50. She got 60% of joint retirement. I kept my pension and an IRA I had before we even met which she wanted a piece of. I kept control of college funds. I also pay for all expenses for kids even though legally I don’t have to. God forbid she actually support her children in any way. Kids live with me when they are not in school.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 10:07 PM
4

It’s unreal how all the stories are the same.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 03:15 PM
5

My ex is a cheater too. She just moved into APs new house. He’s a serial cheater and ex knows this. I think about all the stupid arguments ex and I had and cannot imagine they have a more stable relationship. My divorce coach told me, don’t think they are having non stop sex on a bed of your money, they are two toxic people who blew up their families for selfish reasons, how good can that be? I found out about all this by accident as I had been pretty much NC (my kids live with me but are not mi…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 03:11 PM
2

Most of the major assets were in my name. I handled the money and did the taxes so I pretty much knew most of it. I didn’t get her IRA info, her personal account or her business account. I snooped and found an ATM receipt that showed she had 60k in her bank account. I didn’t know how much she had in her business bank account. My lawyer and I drafted an MSA that was fair and I could live with. Ex came back, so we increased it slightl, so that it was more than fair to her. She signed. It was more …
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 02:55 PM
6

That first mike drop moment is priceless. My ex moved out and after 60 days everything left behind belonged to me. Mind you, I gave here everything she wanted when she moved out, and she took a bunch of stuff that was mine. I gathered up all her remaining shit, put it in a storage unit and mailed her the key. Boy was she pissed. Texted me a long screed, who did I think I was, how dare I, etc. I simply responded I’m following the separation agreement and my lawyers instructions. I’m not going to …
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 02:26 PM
1

A lifesaver
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 02:16 PM
16

Oh man that was me. Ex wanted divorce, saw a lawyer ONE time. She was trying to stay in house until AP could get free of his marriage so that they could move in together (Ultimate monkey branch, so didn’t want the responsibility of living alone.) I didnt want the marriage to end but I couldn’t tolerate the disrespect. I filed and my lawyer and I did everything. Ex did not even supply her employment records or financial info. My lawyer fees were about 4 times what ex’s was. Your marriage is over,…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 02:07 PM
9

Together 27 years, it took me about 2 to feel ” not awful”. At three, starting to feel sort of normal. What helps me is I remember all the fights that I didn’t even know what they were about, the nights going to bed all pissed off, the anxiety of walking on eggshell. I don’t have that anymore. I just got back from a vacation on Hawaii. My kids and I hiked to a beautiful waterfall. It was muddy, and it rained a little bit. It was an awesome time, and I kept thinking about my ex. Thinking about ho…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 01:38 PM
2

Changing air fresheners is a great idea, I wish I thought of that
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 01:12 PM
2

I kept the house. I was extremely lucky as loan rates were low, so when I bought her out my monthly payment stayed about the same. I’m in a hot market, so the house has appreciated about 200k. Part of the reason I stayed was that the same house, even with the bad memorie, gave me some stability, and my kids were in college, so it gave them some stability too. I changed up the bedroom so I don’t sleep in the same place. I moved furniture around, and put up a lot of new pictures. I got the biggest…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 12:48 PM
2

My ex is a complete fruit cake. while the affair was going on and ex refused to move out, she had stopped wearing her rings. I filed and a month later she finally moved out. Two days later she was wearing a promise ring. I had still not mastered grey rock and blurted out, “Are you engaged?!!!. Then I reclaimed some composure and said forget it, it’s not my business. Meanwhile she was and still is denying there was an AP, who was her HS and college boyfriend who she desperately wanted to marry Bu…
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/23 03:37 PM
1

Yeah when my ex ex moved out I just devoted my self to my daughters and it’s been great. We do things we think are fun without my exs negativity on everything.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/23 12:23 PM
1

No, that’s not a proper way to value it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/23 10:59 AM
6

Plus vows mean NOTHING if the woman changes her mind, she doesn’t see them as any form of commitment. since none of this means anything to anybody anymore, if ai had a son I would advise against marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/23 11:58 AM
7

I think things will get worse for the institution of marriage. I don’t know if it will get more favorable ever. A couple reasons for this. The internet is introducing men to the RP movement. Men are seeing marriage as a bad deal. It also showcases via apps such as TikTok etc the true toxicity of women, exposing their narcissism and unrealistic standards. Feminism is also placing women in a role in marriage that they are not qualified for and don’t actually want. In days past for a man to get lai…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/23 11:45 AM
1

Hey, me too. I think that my ex is keeping my name so she doesn’t have to change it again when she marries AP
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 10:16 PM
3

I’m trying to process this. You told her you want to separate, so she left. She came back, but was not feeling it, so she is going back to California, leaving you in Texas with a girl you like better. She’s not taking your money and you have no kids together. What are you sad about?
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 08:58 PM
5

Oh man, I had that with holding talk over and over. It didn’t make a difference.Plus she was laid off during Covid, it was like pulling teeth to get her to apply for $600 a week.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 08:48 PM
2

My cheating ex was the best liar I ever saw, but she would never be able to admit fault, even in a lie, even if her life depended on it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 08:36 PM
3

Cheaters logic Husband: Hey, my team is on SNF. I was going to go to the sport bar to watch it, but I can stay home for some bedroom fun= No spontaneity AP: I’ll Fly into Miami. Use your husbands Marriott points and book us a room in South beach. You can drive 5 hours and meet me there=Totally spontaneous
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 08:30 PM
2

Omg. I would propose great vacations, she didn’t want to do them. Great what to you want, I’ll plan it it. Answer-Something else.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 08:20 PM
2

Haha, no I got those they don’t count.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 08:15 PM
1

Listen to the question. Answer only the question asked and give your attorney time to object before you answer
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 03:40 PM
4

I got one apology in 27 years. After 15 years together, when arguing I would tell her it’s statistically impossible for me to be wrong every single time. Still, she was never wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 09:44 PM
1

I’m 60, I was dating a high earner very pretty. I realized: She was a human so she had problems If I was with her, I would help her solve her problems I don’t want to help anyone with their problems. So I noped out.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 03:07 AM
2

The doctor didn’t lose his license, but word got out and he lost a lot of business. He. Moved his practice out of town.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 02:34 AM
2

I guess that’s the one thing that is lacking. People keep trying to set him up but I think he’s over women. Not worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 02:30 AM
2

Right. Because as responsible adults, it is totally justifiable to have an affair. It’s not like she could seek counseling or ask for a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 02:24 AM
1

Oh man I got that too. My ex still denirf the affair even though 3 years later she moved into APs house. Prior to that they were living in same apartment building but on different floorsI guess to hide it from my kids It’s crazy how they all read from the same playbook
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 09:04 PM
3

Dude if you are on those meds due to divorce that is entirely reasonable and the Judge knows it. Don’t engage in her petty behavior she is just trying to bait you into an argument. I realized my ex just wanted to argue, I would pretty much ignore her She’s not your wife anymore you don’t have to explain or apologize anymore. Plus if she brings this stuff up to a judge he will be annoyed she is wasting his time.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 08:55 PM
3

My ex tried the same and I filed a motion for sanctions and attorney fees and used that as leverage to get her to agree to what was a more than fair offer.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 08:49 PM
3

I got gigged for that in a job required physical. I answered maybe 2 drinks a day, which was imputed at 14 drinks a week every week. HR then referred me for counseling because they said I exceeded the CDC guidelines. I pointed out that the guidelines didn’t say 14 drinks a week, the guidelines say more than 14 drinks. I had to go see a separate doctor on company time who was mystified why I was there and signed off in about 5 minutes. My boss was pissed because I had to miss a half day of work. …
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 08:47 PM
3

Well, I guess that is where we disagree. I think leaving your husband and child to pursue a New Romantic relationship after being a SAHM for 17 years is a want, not a need.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 08:35 PM
3

It only takes one to decide to have an affair. He wanted to reconcile, even after he found out. He got disgusted that she would not stop the affair, that’s when he threw her out. But she made the decision o end the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 05:38 PM
2

Dude, it’s easy to say but it was incredibly difficult for me to act on. My ex behaved very cruelly, and nobody deserved her treatment, much less her husband. It really helps me detach. ​ To this day, I have fond memorie, then I remind myself that she threw her wedding dress in my garbage can.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 05:33 PM
2

Life be design, the first time I heard that term. Love it!
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 05:09 PM
4

No, he flew multiple short hops on the 12 days a month he was flying. He left early but was home every night
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 05:00 PM
1

Well props to you got mastering a skill .001% can’t even approach. Takes a lot of dedication!
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 04:39 PM
4

She’s a waitress who can’t afford her rent.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 04:36 PM
4

No, that’s not what happened.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 03:16 PM
5

I’m not going to disagree with his outcome, but hers is terrible. She had a loving husband and family, nice house, vacation, etc. Now she has a crappy job, crappy house, crappy boyfriend, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 02:51 PM
6

This I think this is the hardest for us. She’s not having a bad day, or month, etc.This is a completely different person who doesnt like you, may even hate you, and does not care about her children. Would you even date the person you see before you now? No she is selfish, shallow, driven by emotions, immune to logic and compassion. Once i realized that, it was just business.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 12:31 PM
1

Haha. My buddy says it’s a promise to f other guys.They were together in college and they both cheated on each other, so I’m guessing it’s a bit of a toxic shitshow now, since they now also cheated with each other
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 10:09 PM
2

Are you going to get the obligatory butterfly tattoo? “I’m finally free “ Oh wait that’s only for the 304s who left us!
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 04:31 PM
4

Ap can have her, good riddance. The worse she behaved during the divorce, the easier it was for me to detach.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 03:57 PM
1

We had a health savings account worth about 40k that was split 50/50. Since the kids live with me 100%, I should have split that 75/25 since it pays medical for the 2 kids, too.That’s on me, I drafted the MSA and we were splitting assists in half Ex had been paying for co pays and contacts for kids, but after the divorce pays ZERO. If ex gets a copay for kids, she justs forwards it to me. BTW, she got 250k in cash 30 days after decree was signed
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 02:36 PM
7

My ex took all the jewelry I gave her, including both rings I paid for from money I inherited from my grandfather. I wanted them back since I didn’t believe she should have them but she sold them even before we were divorce. They were pretty nice so I’m sure she got a decent chunck of change. 2 days after she moved out she was wearing a promise ring from AP. What a POS. She left the wedding dress though. In my garbage
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 01:20 PM
4

I made a checklist ( get MSA, get divorce decree signed, go vacation with kid, etc) doing that gave me sense of agency in navigating out of the shitshow once she finally moved out. I became more involved with my kids lives and supported their hobbies. I reconnected with old friends, one of whom I found was going through the same thing. One thing I didn’t do was sell the house, I kept it for my kids. I think staying hindered me from moving on.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/23 10:53 AM
2

Thanks I am. I actually said to my friend last month that my divorce maybe was a good thing. I didn’t want it and was preparing to honor my vows but you will realize that maybe you didn’t have the great marriage that you are mourning now. 2 things by buddy told me-You are entering the tunnel of 1000 knives.You are going to be catching those knives for the foreseeable future. 2-You are trying to solve the unsolvable equation. You know it doesn’t make sense, but you will contact to apply logic to …
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 04:56 PM
2

I was so embarrassed I didn’t tell my family for months I just suffered in silence. Do not recommend
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 02:49 PM
3

💯Stbxw can get an apartment big enough for her and HER parents. Fight for what you are legally entitled to, if you think you got too much you can always give some back.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 01:24 PM
4

We’re learnin. Lessons don’t come cheap, though!
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 01:18 PM
5

This is great advice. Try to get a deal you can live with now versus the great future deal which may never occur. Once you get the divorce done, and I know CS is a bitch (but they are your kids), who will have clarity in your mind. I gave a little too much, but it was worth it to put my cheating ex in the rear view mirror.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 01:17 PM
2

Too true. OM was the Chad who dumped my ex in college. Ex and OM are still together, 3 years after bomb drop. So after 30 years I guess she got her man. Good riddance, I can only imagine what a toxic household that is.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 01:11 PM
2

Dude, your marriage is already over, the state just doesn’t know it yet. She already divorced you in her mind. If this is a mistake, you can always get remarrie. But no one does, because why?
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 01:08 PM
3

You can’t nice then back. A lot of us have tried and it just doesn’t work. She still feels what she thinks is love. Unfortunately it’s for OM. You are the cause of everything bad in her life in her mind. File ASAP, you regain some agency because you are actively moving on and not waiting for her to make a move. You are no longer a victim. My problem was my ex still looked like the person who loved me, but she didn’, she was replaced by a POD person, she was a completely different human being. Sh…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 12:56 PM
1

Everything you wrote is completely wrong. When either party files for divorce, disclosure of the last two years of financial documents is mandatory, nobody has to make a motion to compel. Each party is responsible for reviewing their adversaries discovery for completeness and accuracy. If there is a dispute, the judge will order an impartial review. If you show up and claim you don’t have documents, the judge can sanction you and and order you to pay your opponents attorney’s fees. The judge can…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 09:22 PM
2

I just went thru this and what you said is not realistic. When either party files, there is a status hearing set. Mine was eight weeks after ex was served. All financial discovery, appraisals, etc is due at that time. If either party is not in full compliance, then the opposing party can motion for sanctions and attorneys fees. After the status hearing, there is a mandatory mediation. Both parties have to agree on a mediator. Mine was scheduled Two months after status hearing. If no mediated set…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 08:07 PM
3

I still wanted her back after I found out she was cheating but after so much gaslighting and abuse I was so,disgusted with her ( and myself for doing the pick me) I Filed.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 07:45 PM
3

My ex said the reason we were getting divorced is because we are not good communicators I said no it’s because you have a boyfriend She said you’re crazy (gaslighting)
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 07:40 PM
2

Follow your lawyers advice. If it is just routine, I personally wouldn’t sweat it. If it is major, like braces or surgery, I would insist on going. Just my 2 cents.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 02:57 PM
9

Hey, were you eavesdropping? I got one thru four, the only thing you‘re missing is it’s hopeless. The first serious talk about our marriage was for her to tell me it’s over.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 02:50 PM
1

I know you’re joking but with AI I think women will be seriously f@@ked in the future as men just give up on their shit and go to a Cherry 2000. Men are already checking out to the Philippines and Thailand leaving the bitter 304s to cry on TikTok. It will get worse for women but they deserve it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 01:06 PM
3

Post from the road and let us know how you are doing. You are making the right decision and she is just trying to manipulate you and keep as Plan B.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 12:37 PM
5

Dude that’s my story. My ex went to a lawyer first to do an amicable dissolution, however, since she hired and paid him he was her lawyer. I don’t trust her but told her and her lawyer I would probably get my own counsel. I did, I filed and served exs lawyer, not personally at ex job like my lawyer wanted. MY ex was PISSED. Like I was supposed to run everything by her and not get my own counsel after she hired a lawyer and was also being advised by OM, an accountant. That was the end of me being…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 04:06 PM
3

It’s not a mistake but you can always get remarried if it is. Pull the trigger
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 03:47 PM
7

All of those boundaries are healthy and detail what he wants out of a relationship. No relationship can survive the female having conversations with other guys because they are all potential OM, the minute a guy slips up they run boo hoo to their guy besties with then give them the tingles”Oh, baby I would never do that/say that do you. The fact that his EX would post all their private communication and try to shame him tells you everything you need to know. He knows he made the right decision
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 03:31 PM
3

Plus does doing all that shit make you happy NO you might get a sense of accomplishment but you would probably rather watch the ball game. Who says that you are going to be happy all the time in every aspect of your life GROW UP My ex bailed on me and my daughters to live a completely responsibilities free life with AP with over 900k of money I earned. Good riddance it wasn’t until she left that I realized how little she did around the house other than complain
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 03:02 PM
5

I would add don’t do ANYTHING she said wants or expects if you don’t want to do it! A ride to the airport? No I’m sleeping in. Bbq at your sisters? No, I’m going to the ballgame.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 02:28 AM
6

My situation and I got “Vows, they’re just words”
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 02:20 AM
4

Always OM lurking in the background
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 02:18 AM
2

There are two compoments to federal retirement The Fers pension which is 1 perecent per year worked times average of high three salary. For example 30 years worked would be 30% of the average of the three highest earning years. Then there is the thrift savings program, a 401 k, where an employee can contribute up to 15% of their income.The government matches up to 5%.It has a balance which can be divided in court. Fers will not give a value for a pension. You would have to get an accountant to g…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 12:04 AM
3

When I met my ex she had tales of abuse, “I was so scared“ “I’ve been stalked”, etc. I believed them all. Aafter I confronted her about her affair, I was abusive.So I realized she had cheated with her prior boyfriends and, understand ably, they were upset, as was I. So in IC I was talking about that, and my counselor said of course there was abuse in the relationship. I was stunned, and said I never abused. Then the counselor said, no, YOU were abused. That took a long time for me to reconcile i…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/23 03:48 PM
3

Haha. No, she was n very good shape, she still fit in her wedding dress. That was just a joke about how cold blooded she became.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 02:56 AM
2

wedding dress in the garbage I guess it didn’t fit in the moving truck. Also sold engagement and wedding ring before we were even divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 02:16 AM
3

It’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem. A lot of us this board have been there. I was so worried I took all my guns, took them apart, and put the pieces and the ammo in all different places so it wouldn’t be easy.Things that stopped me were: My dad had terminal brain cancer. He fought for every breath before he succumbed. I felt I would be dishonoring his legacy if ai took the easy way out. My kids would be devastated. My ex would get 100% of the assets with no court, easy win for here…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 11:53 AM
1

My. Ex said “Those are just words” Except it was in the ceremony you wanted and I paid for that was sanctioned by God and the State, and witnessed by our families and friends. FU and good riddance, you dishonorable immoral lying cheat. And PS, you were a shitty mother too!
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/23 03:24 PM
3

While both of you are deciding to get married it only takes one (90% wife if she is college educated) to get a divorce. You can do everything right and still lose. Don’t get married but if you do a prenup is a must. If she won’t sign that’s YOUR sign.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/23 12:25 PM
3

I did everything in the prior posts. We had a good marriage and I was waiting for her to come out of the affair fog. We had a comfortable life and great kids. After about 8 months of hell, including in house separation, I filed. ex was pissed, even though she had been to a lawyer first. My lawyer didn’t want to file because she knew I still loved my ex, but I told her the marriage is over, the state just doesn’t know if yet. I said if this is a mistake, we can always get remarried. Your stbxw wi…
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/23 12:10 PM
4

Yeah, fuck her!
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/23 06:14 PM
3

My ex pissed off my female lawyer so much my lawyer was doing stuff for free. My lawyer was going back to court to get items ex took from my house without me knowing, but I put a stop to,it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/23 06:09 PM
1

Plus talking to OM. No relationship can survive that.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/23 11:47 PM
2

Based on her self degradation I think my ex has a lower opinion of herself than I do.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/23 07:40 PM
3

I am interested into seeing how this plays out for ex. AP bought a house and ex moved in. I only found out by accident. I’ve been NC since papers were signed 2 years ago. Prior to this AP and ex lived in same apartment building to keep it secret from both sets of kids, but I guess it’s out in the open now. I thought AP would be long gone now, as this relationship has lasted longer than their initial one in college.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 11:16 PM
2

Haha. Well I got a bunch of, “I’m sorry you took that the wrong way, etc. I didn’t count those
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 01:09 PM
8

Or every ex is an abuser. I know that incudes me now.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 12:49 PM
3

Boy this is good advice. I got ONE apology in 27 years.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 12:47 PM
5

What’s her relationship with her father? If it’s good and he’s a solid dude, that’s a huge predictor for a good marriage. My ex fil abandoned the family when ex was 12. She became extremely promiscuous and hooked up with Chad. He dumped her and she took him back over and over until he eventually married someone else. 40 years she abandoned me and the kids for guess who? Chad. Such a cliche.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 12:46 PM
4

My vacation with my kids are actually way better without my ex’s negative energy. No fights, no having to bust her ass to get on the road early, no pee breaks 30 minutes after starting, no endless complaining, etc True story,last road trip before she dropped bomb. Second day of 2 day road trip. I asked ex to put on “Carefree highway“ by Gordon Lightfoot. Ex said no. I was confused, said no, I only want to hear one song today, Carefree highway, again ex says no. I ask why, she said you listened t…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 12:31 PM
1

Dude that’s bad juju. Sell them and new stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 01:13 AM
2

You’re lucky. Mine sold both rings and all the other jewelry I bought her even before we were divorced. I wanted them back not for sentimental reasons but because i thought she shouldn’t have them because she broke her vows. The rings were really nice she wore them everyday until,she didn’t want to be married anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 01:09 AM
2

My ex said that they’re just words.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 01:04 AM
–

I actually gave a speech like that to my cheating ex when I found out lsaying she had honesty and integrity that’s why I fell in love and married her and that’s she’s a big girl and can make the right decision. She stood,there stunned like I hit her with an2 by 4 and then ran out of the house. I could tell she was chewing it over in her mind for the next day but ultimately she left. She’s been telling everyone , even me, for the last three years that we grew apart even though she just moved in w…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 12:33 AM
2

💯
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/23 11:38 AM
3

“Everyone has an agenda and love has no place in it.” F ing brilliant
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/23 03:03 PM
1

I quit ADs after 10 days Side effects can be worse than the cure and ADs can permanently change your brain chemistry
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/23 11:44 AM
1

Even themselves
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 05:09 PM
1

I feel bad for kids she seems like real shitshow.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 04:59 PM
2

Woke early to coffee. When kids got up we went for bagels. On the way we started talking about the movie “Diary of a wimpy kid” Went home and watched it and forgotten how funny it was. After we watched Ted Lasso and in it they were eating kabobs, so of course when it ended we got kabobs. The watched “We’re the Millers. Great day. Mothers day usually 2 hours in a restaurant and the kids are back.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 04:57 PM
1

Mine was/is very attractive. Sex was great because she was a304 and had plenty of practic, and was sex bombing me to reel me in.(It worked, d’oh) After 25 years, she’s back with HS boyfriend who dumped her, got engaged to someone, dumped her again when HS boyfriend married someone else. They deserve each other.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 04:33 PM
4

You need to work on yourself and be comfortable with your own on company. Get a dog.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 04:24 PM
1

Yeah, I just was on a date where I paid for the dinner at the restaurant she picked. Her portion was double mine, and I ordered cheap because the dinner was iin combination with an errand I was helping her with. She didn’t even offer to pay. What was the errand? Checking out the Louis Vuitton store where she bought a $1700 purse for her friend. I was like whaaaaat. Friend needed the purse because it was her 70th birthday. Dinner bill was $80. Make sense of that.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 04:22 PM
3

Haha Monk Fu v. Marriage juju. Which will prevail!?
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 04:14 PM
2

I hear you. I’m not ignoring red flags, I realize there are going to be some, and if I was younger, I’d have to figure out what I’ll tolerate. However, I’m realizing I don’t want to change one bit and won’t accept ANY red flags. I already have two kids and that’s enough. I don’t need a new woman and am starting to realize I don’t even want one. in a nutshell, she wants to be married and I don’t want any hassles, so I only see this is going one way and it’s not down the aisle.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 04:12 PM
4

I had one date and started doing boyfriend stuff and realized this was totally codependent. I don’t feel I can go back to dating status. Looking to end relationship soon as I don’t want to have to drag someone new to the finish line.My new boundaries are not going over well. I feel that I’m not Mr Right, but Mr Right now. Every conversation includes talk about engagement rings and wedding plans. This is after 3 months of dating. I was infatuated at the beginning but recognized it was infatuation…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 01:23 PM
2

It’s less work for me because I don’t have to schedule around stuff she didn’t want to do, like any outdoor activity. Two weeks ago, my kids and I were hiking to Manoa falls in Hawaii, it started to rain and was muddy as hell, it was a great time and beautiful, and I kept thinking my ex would have bitched the entire time!
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 12:38 PM
1

Yeah what really torqued me off is right after the wedding I wanted her to sell it and she refused. But I guess it was good enough for the garbage 25 years later.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/23 09:44 PM
2

I just had one done at age 59. Dr thought it was a great idea. Fully covered by insurance and Imwasnt even sore.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/23 02:25 AM
1

Mine took a bunch of stuff she was not entitled too, including $25 DVD player, which the kids and I only discovered when we went to,watch”Annie” when ex member moved out. She left her wedding dress though, in my garbage can. FU.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/23 02:22 AM
1

Mine was furious too, even though she went to a lawyer first who was going to do an amicable divorce. I didn’t want the divorce but I was so fed up with her that I filed.I was even nice and served her lawyer, my attorney wanted to,serve my ex at her work. So my story is, “Ex had an affair, I found out, I filed, kids stayed with me.BOOM
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 09:47 PM
7

When I would make plans, like vacation, my ex was not enthusiastic. I would ask where she wanted to go, she would say “somewhere else”. Thanks for the guidance.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 01:44 AM
10

There was a TV show I liked that aired 6-6:30 on Sat. Suddenly, eating dinner at 630 was too late. When I resisted, ok we could eat at 630 put I had to set table etc during commercials so we could eat exactly at 630. I couldn’t just sit and watch my show for 30 minutes. Then the show was cancelled. So when, pray tell, was dinner time? 630, 730, 7, 645, it didn’t matter. It only mattered when I wanted to watch 30 minutes of TV once a week.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 01:41 AM
2

Hahahahaha
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 09:05 PM
1

When my decree was sitting on the judges desk, my lawyer (who knew I still loved my ex), despite her infidelity) asked me if she (ex) admitted it was all a horrible mistake, would I take her back. I said no too much damage had been done, I’m not anyone’s plan B, too much disrespect.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 09:02 PM
2

First of all, who cares what’s she’s doing? Don’t think about it. Second, what if your kid was sleeping over at their friends house? You would be alone in your house. Would you feel like a loser then? Probably not. You might be thinking, man, I’ve got a day off from watching my kid, time for some ME time. It’s the same circumstances, you are alone in your house. The only thing making you feel like a loser are your own thoughts.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 08:44 PM
1

My ex stopped working when our kids were little, but when they were in school full time only started working part time. I didn’t care because I made enough. After the divorc, I’m pretty sure ex is still working only part time, but if she wanted full time, would make 100k or more. Kids are in college and live with me 100 percent when they are not in school. I pay for all the school expenses that are not covered by scholarships and 529 plan. I never discussed the details of the divorce as it was p…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 08:36 PM
1

Sorry, didn’t read post. Ok if the divorce is filed, there should be a time limit on financial disclosure. You can file yours when you’re ready. My ex filed late and incomplete, we actually had a motion to compel and for attorney’s fees and sanctions because theirs was late, incomplete and factually false. It pushed them to settle (I was more than fair) I dangled 100k within 10 days of signing as a carrot. She signed. Dont undervalue to appeal of instant money. I had to liquidate a bunch of stuf…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 12:35 PM
1

Tell her friend and your Stbxw you are going to file and have the friend served on behalf of Stbxw. Don’t have her personally served as that can escalate, people get embarrassed and pissed off. If Stbxw answers in court, no problem. If court finds service was defective, you can re serve. It keeps the tension low. My lawyer (hated my ex) wanted to serve ex at work, I said no, I think she has a lawyer, see if he will accept service. He did.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 12:28 PM
1

NC rules
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 01:02 AM
2

Haha. Me too. I’m the big bad bogeyman she is so afraid of. But I found out because the one time my kid was there I saw it on find my friends. Also ex gave my kid a Dominoes pizza flyer with her address on it. Who cares? I actually was happy I knew so I could avoid the area.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 10:54 PM
3

Even though I have more involvement with my kids than before the divorce, I miss the idea of an intact family. That’s actually what I am missing.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 03:25 PM
7

If you try, you can actually increase your time with your kids with a 50/50 over two,parent household. Dont cook dinner for them, Get a recipe, have them make a list, buy ingredients cook together. Whatever dumb show or movie they like, you like. Wherever their friends and them want to g, you drive them. Make them listen to your music, listen to theirs. If you have a dog, you all,go to the dog park All,grown up stuff and house cleaning etc on days alone. Examples: Fathers day-Breakfast at the ba…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 02:04 AM
11

He’s my best bro, runs a Divorcecare class, plays in a rock band and was an airline captain. He offered his ex to live in his house while her shit apartment was renovated. Wtf. Go live with your boyfriend the 35 year old Applebees WAITER apartment
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 01:19 AM
7

If she cheated she’s not a good mother.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 01:06 AM
9

Hahahah. My best friend who has been divorced 10 years from his cheating ex, is sending a card to the mother of his 22 year old daughter. I can’t even call him because he will probably tell me they are going out to brunch on Mothers Day .
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 01:04 AM
2

You are my idol.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/23 10:17 PM
18

My ex can use thee 900k I earned to get her own
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/23 10:15 PM
6

No
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/23 10:12 PM
1

Haha
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/23 04:52 PM
2

Ugh, I wanted my name back but my lawyer said no way. All her professional degrees and certifications are in her maiden name, it would have taken her all of one morning to change her drivers license, professional license. Kids don’t even live with her, they either stay with me or up at college.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/23 02:55 AM
1

I spent a bunch of money I inherited and got her a nice engagement ring. Then I had to get her a Diamond wedding band. They disappeared when I confronted her about the affair. One day after she finally moved out I had to meet her midday about car stuff. She’s wearing a new ring. I’m like, “Are you engaged? We’re not even divorced yet. She replied that she had to wear a ring so my clients don’t ask questions. But I guess it worked out, because I got the wedding dress. On top of the trash, where s…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/23 02:49 AM
2

This a a club. I use ex or the most formal version of her name.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/23 02:38 AM
3

Haha that’s great! Thanks for the laugh!
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 06:28 PM
3

Thank you, you just saved a call to my therapist!
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 02:21 PM
2

I came to that realizaprion one night. I was in the house by myself and…no drama! I explain it to my friends, I don’t have the highs of a great day and someone to share it with, but I dont have the lows of going to bed after have been in a fight that I didn’t understand and couldn’t fix. So, on the average, life is much better with no stress (Plus ZERO back pain since divorce) It makes me sad, because I liked being married, and felt there was way more good than bad in the marriage. Wife said she…
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 01:09 PM
3

I literally got ”For better or worse“ are just words. Vows are just words. No, vows are a solemn promise or commitment, witnessed by family, friends and before God.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 11:48 AM
2

Based on my stitch, which was a lot like yours, I would avoid couples counseling. It doesn’t work when one partner is in an affair. All it is is your Stbxw rewriting history to justify what’s she’s doing. Go to counseling for yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/23 12:17 PM
1

The healing rate is 60 minutes an hour. For me the healing started when she moved out and I didn’t have to see her everyday, and then the divorce was finalized. Right now the tip of your toes to the top of your head is black. That blackness will shrink, it will shrink and cover 1/2 of you and gradually reduce. But it will always be there, maybe a small black spot on your wrist, you won’t notice it all the time but it will still be there. You’ll take it out and play with it every now and then, th…
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/23 12:41 AM
1

After everything was signed and filed my lawyer paid me a great compliment. She said you have a lot to be proud about. You really stuck up for your kids and you treated your wife a lot better than she deserved. But I just needed to get her out of my life so I could move forward, I refused to get hung up on who gets the Tiffany bowl (she did, but my friend bought me another!)
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/23 12:30 AM
3

I guess I had a collaborative one. We appeared via zoom in front of a judge, he set a mediation and trial date. We got the court’s permission to settle, and offered a settlement agreement the next day. We low balled, but I put in that as soon as judge signed she would get 100k. Ex and her lawyer didn’t respond for about six weeks, and came back with a counter that was a little high, but I could live with it so we signed. It sat on judges desk for another three weeks but from initial appearance t…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 10:10 PM
1

They don’t follow any policies or rules. Once they cross the rubicon, they only follow their emotions.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 07:45 PM
1

It’s awful. I look back and I still find it hard to believe what happened. I got to hear a conversation between ex and AP and a lot of it was what an asshole I was. Everything I did was spun as something negative, and a lot of it was pure fiction. AP was all “White Knight” and “I was I was there and I’m sorry you have to go thru this” Blah blah blah. It’s not tru. Don’t believe it. Part of my problem was my ex looked like the same person who loved me, but she wasn’. She was a completely differen…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 07:42 PM
1

She runs everything you say to her by AP and they both laugh at you. So quit talking. Nothing to be gained, and can only hurt you.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 04:58 PM
1

It happened to me and it’s worse than you can imagine.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 04:55 PM
2

Dude you are living my life three years ago. It’s soul crushing but you have to get her out and detach.It’s the hardest thing you’ll ever do but you’ll do it. You will never be able to figure it out because it’s not logical, it’s emotional. After you are divorced your life will get better but 99% of the time their life gets worse, but it’s not your problem anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 04:52 PM
2

Ugh. I filed and lowballed. They came back and said to avoid mediation, this was their final counteroffer: 50% of my 401 k and 50% of the house equity, she keeps her Ira that I contribute to, she keeps her business and I keep my pension (I was 6 months retired). We agreed (probably too quickly). They they then came back and countered their own counteroffe. She now wanted all of the above, plus my death pension benefits. I said no because it’s morbid, and to do that I would have to pay her a mont…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/23 08:08 PM
2

Thanks brother. So nice when someone plans the trip for you, for one!
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/23 12:23 PM
2

Yeah, always had to go to the beach. We live in FLORIDA, we can can to the beach anytime we want. Sitting around baking in the sun is no fun. Ex also wouldn’t go in any water (lake, river…) that wasn’t clear because you know sharks or something. one of the worst things she said to me was kids never liked the vacations I planned (Whitwafter rafting, mountain biking, zip lining, hilikng) but only went to humor me. That kind of messed me up. Would love to hear the details of your SW trip.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 02:26 PM
1

Too true. I’m starting to wonder if she was a good person ever, or just a figment of my imaginatio. I’ll recall events that I thought were okay but now think, “Man, that’s really messed up”
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/23 07:26 PM
6

Omg. Loading the dishwasher. Every single ex (male or female) complains their partner did it the wrong way..
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/23 07:21 PM
1

Haha. Up to my filing, I was doing the pick me dance, I was a mess and was medicated and self medicating. My ex left our daughter alone for the weekend to go to South Beach, I was so pi**ed off I moved forward. My friends were pretty shocked I filed because they knew I didn’t want to get divorced. I was also retired law enforcement and criminal plea negotiations are very similar to divorce negotiations so it was an arena I was familiar with. From whenI filed to judges signature was 4 months, but…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/23 07:15 PM
1

Filed first after ex checked out due to affair, I became a machine and just pushed pushed pushed. She didn’t want to be bothered, and after I low balled, came back with a counter offer that was a little too high. I signed because it was more important for me to move on. She then countered her own counter offer, but her lawyer sucked. I gave a a little more. Ex was faced with discovery she didn’t want to do, possible depositions of her and her AP, mediation which would have been pointles because …
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/23 02:51 PM
3

My story too And that’s what really frosts me. She wanted marriage and in my mind it was, til death do us part. They break their vows and commitment not only as a husband but as a mother. I had no problem earning 90% of the money, but wish I had known I only get 50% no matter who is at fault. 3 years later I get, “How are you doing texts” but just delete. You’re gone, just stay that way.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/23 12:32 PM
1

Dude, where’s my car? (And DVD player, and Tiffany crystal bowl…)
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/23 12:05 PM
3

Yeah, both my daughters we’re minors, and both live with me 100%.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/23 07:21 PM
2

Don’t forget violent.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/23 07:19 PM
1

So true. I heard a conversations between the two cheaters. She had to approach me to do a FAVOR for her, he was so worried and wished he could be there for her, he was afraid for her safety. He was the white knight and wished he could whisk her away. After the meeting she immediately calls him and described a situation that absolutely did not happen, he was sorry she had to go thru it. Total delusion on both their parts.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/23 07:17 PM
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