Financially, how difficult is/was it?

NorthBoy_9012 · 2024-07-23T15:02:14+00:00

In many states moving out without a Separation Agreement is abandonment, and hurts your case. Don’t do it.

Forsaken-Truck-4208 · 2024-07-23T06:38:32+00:00

10k+ to the laywers. Another 15k to the ex. No spousal support or child support. Not bad considering.

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2024-07-23T00:31:41+00:00

You’ll end up better unless your wife was frugal during the marriage.

Men can live on nothing. My monthly budget with 90% custody of 2 kids and a third in college was $10,000. While married was easily $20,000. So, even with her spousal support - I’m still ahead

Flashy-Excitement247 · 2024-07-23T00:20:20+00:00

Question: what's with all the guys moving out? I don't want to move out, I want her to move out!! She can't afford the mortgage anyway!! (Well maybe with the shit ton of spousal support I will have to pay), but still, there's no way she could afford everything: taxes, etc. but I can. What's all this shit about the women getting the house? I'm in socal, do you know what it's like to lose your house here? Good luck ever affording any place ever again. But somehow, the abuser wins?

jimsmythee · 2024-07-23T00:13:26+00:00

I all depends on the numbers.

When I was with my now exwife, it was a daily struggle on the finances. Imagine desperately trying to keep your head above water while tethered to a boat anchor. She refused to work, not even par time saying she was "too sick to work."

After her final disaster, a great big felony DUI crash. Car was totaled, but insurance covered it. But she got a DUI conviction for it, $7500 in DUI fines and a $3000 loan to her parents for a DUI atty.

Her solution? She screamed at me that I either needed to get a second job, or I should borrow $10,000 from My Mother to pay it. I filed for divorce instead and moved out.

Her list of financial demands in alimony and CS, were over the top. All totaled out, it was more than my gross earnings. Her reply? "You can get a second job!" I said, "Screw that" and went to divorce trial.

I made out like a bandit. 11 year marriage got her $0 alimony and I got 50/50 custody of the kids. I kept my house and my car. She got 50% of my 401k and that was it.

Post divorce life has been great for me. For her? Not so much. She lives with her parents now, always a financial struggle.

karavan7 · 2024-07-22T23:52:18+00:00

You made mistakes, now pay the price. Importantly, don't accept responsibility for her expenses, or even for joint expenses if the divorce is not final. Money is leverage once it comes down to a fight. Give up nothing. You can always give it back later. Lawyer. Move out. Everything that remains is hers and she has to pay for it. For example, you cannot make payments on a house you do not live in. It's a loss.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2024-07-22T23:21:40+00:00

I actually ended up in a better position as my wife was a stay at home mom and loved to shop. I paid her $70k to move out so she could go party and leave me in the home with the kids. Up $$$ now and the peace is priceless.

Embarrassed-Steak331 · 2024-07-22T23:04:25+00:00

There are a lot of variables. So it's hard to give any real numbers. Cost will almost certainly scale proportionally to contention and # of kids.

You should google average cost for your state.

I'd highly recommend a financial game plan. Think it through now. It will definitely help anxiety levels later.

I didn't know anything about the process starting out. So I followed the rules. Divorce theoretically froze all my assets. I thought, "Court order. That seems important." So I didn't touch the marital assets.

She did however. She took a loan against one of her deferred comp plans. I had no idea. It gave her really deep pockets. And she spent it like crazy. She made stupid crazy decisions to drive up price.

FIRST CRUNCH:
I had to continue paying for my kids college. I had to pay for my lawyer. I couldn't touch stuff like stocks. So I put all the tuition and legal fees on cards. I went from $0 rolling average to ... I dunno ... $30k? My score dropped from 830 to 650. This is about the point that I started freaking out about apartment applications and credit checks. I was in the house. She had moved out. But it was only a matter of time before I'd have to look for an apartment. And < 650 was not good. So I ran out to the CU and got a signature loan for $28k and paid off most of the cards. The credit score popped back. I was extremely lucky to get that loan.

SECOND CRUNCH: I gradually filled the cards again. My credit score was dipping again. We had passed the two year mark since filing. She still wasn't cooperating. I was nearly on empty across the board. The backup plan was to ask my dad for money. And BOOM. We went to a settlement conference. The arbitrator came down on her like a hammer. "Get it done." She started cooperating. And we suddenly had term sheets.

That freed up the accounts. And it all unwound.

I feel like I got really really really lucky.

Anyway, long comment, but this is some of the stuff you'll need to be worried about.

jambazaza540 · 2024-07-22T23:03:04+00:00

Definitely consult a lawyer before making any moves.

Mine walked me through the potential ramifications of moving out too soon. If you have kids it can be perceived as abandonment, which is awful news for you from a financial standpoint.

I got my wife to sign a document stating that my moving out would not affect custody/visitation nor would she consider it to be financially precedent-setting. This is specifically to protect me in the event that negotiations break down in some way and we have to go to trial.

33Wolverine33 · 2024-07-22T22:28:25+00:00

Before you do anything, go talk to a lawyer. Don’t listen to her at all.

Betteroffalone1111 · 2024-07-22T22:11:33+00:00

If your name is on the property do not move out

Title	Financially, how difficult is/was it?
Author	RayB04
Upvotes	4
Comments	24
Date	July 22, 2024 10:07 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1e9qy7m/financially_how_difficult_iswas_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/financially-how-difficult-iswas-it.1525028 https://theredarchive.com/post/1525028

Comments