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Embarrassed-Steak331 Archive

View 2 posts and 41 comments by Embarrassed-Steak331 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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4

Congrats! It was the third happiest day of my life. She made the divorce absolutely brutal and bled out money every which way. I was barely able to keep my kid in college. The decree freed up all my funds. She didn't have any regard for collateral damage.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 06:48 PM
1

I dropped down in salary right after filing. It wasn't a problem. But I had a very well documented history of health issues. Saying "I can't do my job" carried some weight. I made 250. I dropped to 135 going back to a previous employer. And I settled. All of my alimony offers were based on my lower salary. Okay, so backing up a bit. IANAL. This is my experience. But divorces have a huge range of outcomes. Consult a lawyer. You have the money. I think alimony can actually be incredibly flexible i…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 04:54 PM
1

Online dating is a cesspool. Women don't stick to their lane. This makes them vulnerable to "10" guys who only want to bang on the first date / catch and release. Most women get their feelings hurt whether they bang or not. Women believe all guys are like this. And they come away jaded. It's 75% photos, 25% car. Some women aren't dating. They're farming ego likes. It's a narcissist's playground. Women are out there ranking guys. There's a large Facebook group split by cities. Each large city has…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 03:11 PM
1

MILs would be entertaining if they dialed it back a bit. My ex MIL gets "drunk" on random food. This is stuff like pepper, ranch dressing, pomegranate, croutons, shrimp. She eats out a lot. She loves the cheap Asian buffets. All you can eat shrimp! She only does this in crowds. You can kind of tell when she starts up. She starts smiling a lot, slurs her words, closes her eyes halfway, wobbles her head. You had about 30 seconds left to eat what was on your plate at this point. Next stop, collapsi…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 07:59 PM
2

All finances snap to individual at Date of Separation in CA. Temporary spousal support is figured out early. This will vary by state. If that's true for your state, get statements for EVERYTHING. Document Date of Separation as much as possible. Close the stupid stuff like the Shell credit card. Reroute all direct deposit. Take half of everything that is communal. And set up separate finances. If she desperately needs money, talk to your lawyer and send it her way. But don't let her control this.…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 03:51 PM
1

Mine too. She had a decent offer on the table. She should have taken it. The MSC was much less generous. It's funny. You'd never guess it, but I feel like CA actually has some progressive judges and court arbitrators. Court officials have a ton of discretion. I feel like they use it on occasion. And sometimes it even favors men who are caught up in the system like this. A navy friend owes absolutely no spousal support. His wife had wired about $70k to the Philippines. Boom. No alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 08:03 PM
3

Losing my home is the biggest hit. It's both financial and psychological. The house was always my dream, not hers. Assets were divided 50/50 (or as close as we could get). That's ... fair? I don't know. It depends on what metrics are considered. Marital effort was about 80/20. And that's actually accurate. But divorce is still stuck in the 1960's with the assumption that she helped. I was in a really depressed funk from separation until a year after divorce ... about three years total. It defini…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 04:48 PM
1

CA has a built in system to encourage settling called insanely high price. Everyone whispered in my ear "you don't want to go to trial." I was convinced. The problem was her. She just wasn't into the divorce. Divorce ruined her day. So she developed a nasty habit of not responding and changing lawyers often to kind of get a reboot. And she was successful with this type of delay for two years. We had 0 progress over two years. I filed for a CA mandatory settlement conference. It did the trick. Sh…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 03:39 PM
5

Yeah, I don't get it in all honesty. There's a lot of therapist induced persecution complex. TIPC. I made that up. But it's real.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 05:41 AM
7

If it's any consolation, the crazy ones seem to implode from so much winning. You want to be clear of that blast radius. Best thing to do is lawyer up, gray rock.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 05:33 AM
1

Married 23 years. Single is better in every way except financially.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 04:23 AM
16

I think mine had a high counsel. She was posting a lot of pics of her and a girl's group I didn't recognize. She picked up drinking. And, while we were still talking anyway, she had to "think" about everything. Pretty sure she vetted all the decisions with the group. It would have been entertaining if the women weren't living vicariously making off the cuff decisions about someone else's life savings. Divorce by committee is a terrible thing.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 04:27 AM
2

Not hundreds. I think total legal fees for everything was $30k. A lot of my crash crunch was keeping my kid in school. But we probably did lose a hundred grand in other ways. Missed the 2% loans. Sold stock at the wrong time. She insisted we sell the house. She refused to let me assume the mortgage. So that was at least $60k in realty fees. She underearned. Our salaries were 5:1. So yeah, it cost me a bundle. She probably felt she had won a small lottery. She wasn't good with money. You know, I …
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 03:15 AM
3

There are a lot of variables. So it's hard to give any real numbers. Cost will almost certainly scale proportionally to contention and # of kids. You should google average cost for your state. I'd highly recommend a financial game plan. Think it through now. It will definitely help anxiety levels later. I didn't know anything about the process starting out. So I followed the rules. Divorce theoretically froze all my assets. I thought, "Court order. That seems important." So I didn't touch the ma…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 11:04 PM
8

Potential but no proven record. Honestly, if you marry young, it’s difficult not to fall into this trap. Mine went from prestigious university and promising career to low income and indifferent.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 12:56 AM
1

I lost my 20 yo son to a trashy horrible girl who had 99% odds of ruining him. I couldn't talk sense into him. He didn't get married. But she predictably ruined him nonetheless. I think the head-over-heels thing is really a void. It happens to all sorts of people irrespective of demographics like age and gender. They just want something to fill that space. I hate to say it, but ... that void is your son's to figure out alone. You can try to help. But ultimately the choice is his.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 10:52 PM
3

A lot of men build their social lives around their spouse. It's a common story. I did. 1) There is absolutely nothing wrong with being alone. I'd call it a skill everyone should learn in their lifetime. This is your opportunity to wander the desert. And it can be character building for sure. 2) There is such a thing as "not ready." If you reach out to others in the wrong mindset, it's not going to go well and may be a bit harmful. 3) Go for activity based meetups when you're ready.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 10:34 PM
17

Rock bottom is the perfect foundation to build something new.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/24 03:40 AM
2

Yeah, it definitely works. It's been one of the most effective drugs I've taken. Just be careful with bradycardia. It dropped my heart rate to a low of 43 bpm. I'm still on it tho. Lots of dosage tweaks followed.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/24 03:35 AM
1

Completely healing in two years would be pretty incredible.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 07:40 PM
1

I had built up a list of chicken shit things my ex wife has done. They're well documented. Damages were less than the cost to litigate, so I just left them alone other than the documentation. They'll probably never be used. But added up together, and leveraged as a counter suit to any bullshit she decided to litigate, in a "since we're here anyway" attitude, all the items might eat up her lawsuit and actually return a bit to me. She cleaned out some accounts. She sold a car and pocketed the mone…
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 03:03 PM
1

If the topic is embarrassing and irrelevant, yeah, I'd be pretty pissed off. If she's asking her bestie questions like "Am I being unreasonable?" or "What would you do?" ... that's okay in my book. Everyone needs to bounce ideas off of others.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 01:00 AM
4

Psychology has degraded into pop culture techobabble and name calling.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 08:11 AM
1

Same. Chaos turned into a spotless house without her.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 09:33 PM
1

My ex moved out too. I took over payments. She dragged out the divorce two years. She also dragged out the home sale another year. So I made payments myself for three years. When it came time to sell the house, I wanted the proceeds to be offset. My lawyer said no. Lawyer explained it this way. My ex was displaced and had to rent at market prices. This was her own doing, but it would still make the judge sympathetic to her. Meanwhile, I was paying the note but the dollar amount was less than com…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 08:50 PM
2

I am not a lawyer. <- disclaimer. I hit bits and pieces of the process so I don't have a wide breadth of experience with it. I think they want everything, gross/base, ot, and bonuses. Gross and taxable can be different if there is some defined contribution plan in there or similar. I think there's a calculator somewhere on the CA self-help website. Or maybe that's child support. Negotiate with the advice of a lawyer, not me... but here were my concerns. I tried not to let a judge make the decisi…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 03:21 PM
2

Yep, Date of Separation definitely ends communal property and debt. I was mored worried about how vacation would be perceived. The Income and Expense Declaration (FL-150) sets the tone for alimony from what I understand. So I mean, there's some numerical comparison of how each spouse is doing. And that idea got inception'd in my head. I didn't want to add an "entertainment" line item. I'm not sure if it was a real worry. But I played it safe anyway. I bought a new car for the same reason. I comm…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 10:09 PM
3

You can do an appraisal any time you want. We did two professional appraisals. They cost a few hundred dollars. The market was shuffling quite a bit. First was 600k I think. Second was 750k. And it sold for 750k. In my case, because we sold, the principle "it's worth as much as someone is willing to pay" applied. Your estimate will always be a best guess and an agreement between spouses on price. There might be some contention there. You can do a rough estimate via Zillow and Redfin yourself. Bu…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 08:17 PM
1

https://childsupport.ca.gov/guideline-calculator/ I think the avg is $500 per kid. But this is going to include all the unincorporated hodunk towns.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 07:44 PM
1

You’ll be filling out FL-100 or FL-120 depending on who files. Both allow you to request she pay your attorney fees. This is early on. Ideally you’ll have a lawyer by then. But in case you don’t, look for these check boxes and come up with some kind of justification for needing her to pay. All the lawyers I talked to offered a free initial consult. Try to get consults and ask about ways to pay if she’s better off. CA has a pretty extensive self help website. It’s worth visiting.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 07:12 PM
3

CA. I was paranoid about the optics. I asked my lawyer who okay'd it. I did a few road trips and a few short flights to other states, wine tasting, national parks, stuff like that. Even with the okay from my lawyer, it felt risky. I steered well clear of Hawaii, cruise ships, international trips. I paid in cash and kept it under $500 per trip. I shared 0 details. If I were forced to share details, it'd be along the lines of "I needed some space. Two days isn't egregious. I drove over there and w…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 06:55 PM
1

It sounds like opposing is gearing up to squeeze a turnip. If it were me, my trust level would go from 50% to 5%. Mediation and paranoia don't mix well. So I'd send a hint that this bean counting seems to be in bad faith, antithetical to mediation. Don't tank it quite yet. Just suggest they ease off the throttle a bit. One and two - My state requires most recent statements. QDROs additionally wanted a statement at Date of Separation and Date of Marriage to figure out what's communal. Your stbx i…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 03:18 PM
2

I've only seen mediation work twice. The first, the husband was a graffiti artist. In other news, graffiti artist is a thing. The second, the husband worked under the table, lived on family trusts, and they lived in a house his parents owned. He was rich in reality, poor on paper. So the women didn't see a dime coming from it and unceremoniously dumped. But it's all anecdotal stuff out of a population of maybe two dozen women who divorced that I know. I'd be interested if others had a different …
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 02:59 PM
6

https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2021/10/05/rising-share-of-u-s-adults-are-living-without-a-spouse-or-partner/ It's complex. ^^^. But this article suggests partnering has quite a few benefits. Unfortunately, at 50+ for me and renting, and a huge disparate between the haves and have nots (home ownership in a mega expensive city), women are either dependent (nuh uh for me) or super independent (nuh uh for them). So finding the right partner in the sweet spot between the two, which doesn't…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 08:37 PM
1

Bring it down from 11 to maybe 3? If my ex did this, I'd take pictures of all the gear and take notes on everything. Then I'd tell a judge my ex is a control freak and regularly made my life a living hell.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 02:32 PM
5

Alimony is flexible in CA if you settle ... you probably will. If it goes to trial, it all depends on the judge. They can do some pretty wacky things with divine power. If it were me, and I had the money, I'd aim for a buyout that's not modifiable. Present value is fairly predictable for that short a time span. Offer half of whatever the PV calculation comes to then work up from there. If you don't come away with clear terms from a settlement (notably a "alimony ends on this date" or "this is a …
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 01:15 PM
4

We conceived while in the mist of therapy. The therapist recommended divorce incidentally. I stayed in a bad marriage another 19 years. It had happy moments. But it had really bad moments. It was a trade off. My son had continuity and as good a childhood that could be hoped for. But I had a less than awesome marriage. I had to deal with a lever embedded in my back. Once my son was free and clear, I divorced. It financially shattered me. I can't entirely blame my ex wife. I mean, she did do stupi…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 04:09 PM
5

Yeah, it sucks. Ruminating is common. As nearly every therapist says, recognize the feelings, accept them as legitimate, and park them to the side. Even if you can't control what you think, you can control how you act. It takes a lot of willpower at times. But it's a win when it happens. I felt better every time I let stuff roll off of me. Still, it's not easy if she's right there. Dunno if you own or rent. If you rent, I'd focus on getting out of there. Moving was cathartic for me. I sold, dona…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 02:38 PM
2

We settled last minute. A court official told her a trial would cost $X. Court official was key. Because she didn't believe me. I have no idea what her lawyer was telling her.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 04:57 PM
3

Short of cheating, abuse, drugs, or similar, I'd stay married. Relationships are difficult. They'll be difficult with someone else. Jumping ship won't cure things. It'll divide your net work by a number greater than 2.0. A lot of that will be fed into lawyers. If you're in a rut, start pulling away from coupledom enough to define yourself as an individual. Pick up a hobby. Get a project car. Buy woodworking stuff. Spend more time in the garage. Get a kayak. Being a 25-50% husband can actually he…
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 04:04 PM
7

I just broke up with a girl because of this. I'm two years out of a divorce. I've changed a lot. I'm not quite there. But I know where I want to be. And she felt she should be part of that process. So I got the silly putty treatment. At six months she asked me about my retirement plans. It was one of the last conversations for us. Nice girl. But she seemed clueless on why she shouldn't have gone there.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/24 07:38 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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