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NorthBoy_9012 Archive

View 7 posts and 150 comments by NorthBoy_9012 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

It cost me $10,000 for a totally unnecessary lawyer (50/50 state), and she took me for $20k in credit card trips and a partially uncovered breast reduction, plus dropping a good job to stay home (unannounced) to stay home and drive her rich friends around in our SUV - for 8 years - a loss of at least $400,000). All of this being said, I would give it all again to at least be alive, and have the chance to live, whatever remains of my life, without her drama and economic terrorism. I wish you the …
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/25 12:24 PM
9

I got out at 54. If you are tired enough you get out. I have an awesome girlfriend now, and split time on my son. There is another life out there waiting for you, you’ll just have to go for it, or live miserable.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 03:11 PM
2

Agreed. When it gets to the point that 35%+ of your partner’s time is spent in the endless loop of self loathing and competition that is Social Media - you’re done for. It all eventually becomes endless DIY, shopping, surgeries, competition - all perched over a sad, interior emptiness. When your spouse can’t get or receive love and attention in the real world, there’s nothing left for you.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/25 02:11 PM
3

Yes. Past family dynamic is everything. My papers were court approved last Friday, just 12 days shy of 25 years since our 1st date. Mom, although hard working, was a shopaholic, wanna-be debutante, always on someone else’s check, and with a smiley persona of carefree abandon, and super Jesus connectivity. Dad became unhappy, cheated for at least 8 years of marriage, before leaving shopper mom and the 3 girls (1 of which became my wife in 03’). The damage and dysfunction of the dynamic, translate…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 06:14 PM
4

Only 1 person out of 30 on my wife’s side, here in MN, has reached out in any way. I called the marriage office, so I’m in that minority group of men. This is part of that “big test” or character, and the rebuilding part, of discovering and rediscovering who you are - now - without the shadow and even input of others. The pain and the distance, can be used for growth. Good luck everyone. Relatives will build walls, and retract bridges, it’s just how it is going to go.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 05:44 PM
2

You absolutely both need to stop dating. Get into therapy, get to the gym, get a dog, and break your mind, soul, and personality down through the gift of time. You can’t make a break from the past, because you’re running from the pain, but also the discovery, by jumping right back into the groove in the record of you. You know this. Do it for yourself. Slow down. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 05:30 PM
2

I am not telling you anything that has not been repeated to me 100 times here, and now I’m passing it to you : “You’re not divorcing the woman you married. You’re divorcing the woman she is now.”
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 01:17 AM
1

Agreed - you gotta bite the bullet now
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 01:39 PM
13

No one should waste a single second worrying about an EX. You are burning precious time that is meant for your new life. Period.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 07:53 PM
2

Dude. You know you deserve better. Sounds like you’re both really unhappy. The only thing to consider is the kids, and the financials. If you lay out your top 3 needs: sex, honor & respect, reasonable spending - sounds like you’re 0 for 3. I waited until my son was 18, but honestly hated the last 5 years of marriage. Good luck. I’m 54 but in wicked good shape, and get all or more of the sex I want, but frankly I choose peace and stability over my goals from myv20’s, 30’s, and even 40’s. When you…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 09:36 PM
2

To expand - if I even suspect they are attempting to withhold sex, use the Witholding as a power play, a way to control things - I keep rubbing them, pay attention. But use their own methods against them. I stop giving them sex, but not attention. 75%+ of the time, they retreat, and snap back into an even exchange. This method is only for men of 110% mental discipline. But, it means I remain 100% in control of my respect, honor, and am not ever subjugated to their control methods - plus I’m stil…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 12:23 PM
3

Women’s rating of themselves is ridiculous, in what I have experienced. Yes keep a rotating stable if need be, but, be safe.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 08:47 PM
1

Totally agree. I have a rocking’ bod at 54’ and even though I’ve live in conservative MN a certain set of woman pursues me. Also I do 2 things: I withhold sex if they die down, and still treat them great, for a bit. I make them orgasm 2-3-5x to my one. I have sex, but with old my orgasm. I love being on the controlling end. But yes, make sure one of her top 3 “languages” is physical touch. That’s code for “sex” up here with women over 45. Good luck. Also try to spend at least 1 3-4 day time peri…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 08:44 PM
5

You need to get into therapy, for several months, no exceptions. You need ton”know thyself” before continuing your serial dating behavior. You need to find peace, and contentment within yourself. Examine your personal family history with a professional. You also need to stop blaming anyone else outside of you, and slowly take 100% responsibility, and eventually great care in all you do. Stop, slow down, examine, listen. Get help to become a new man you are proud of. You’ll thank yourself. I DO v…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 03:04 PM
2

Amen. I have a badass body at 54. I’m only 7 months into this, just signed our decree, but having good credit, and low debt, even with only 20k - hypothetically - you are “Rich” in the New America, with a good job. You never tell these girls you date how much money you have, but keep your body good, be a prince, dress nice at least, keep your car clean even if it’s a used Camry, and you will still be a prize. Or, stay single but date look to date a single with property, and all will be cool, or …
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 06:07 PM
1

Breathe. I don’t know if you meditate or know Buddhist technique, but when the panic attacks start, the fear Sit, relax your body, breathe deeply and slowly until you slow your heart. With each breath in picture energy of your new and coming life, coming into your body. With each exhalation, let the fear, and pain, and worry, and hurt go. Sit for at least 3-5 minutes doing this. You are alive. As long as you are alive, you can rebuild. You will rebuild. But right now you need to just be able to …
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 11:47 AM
2

Just discovered John Griffin last month - good recommendation
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 04:35 AM
3

Whatever you do - Don’t give up on yourself. It’s going to hurt, and it’s going to hurt for a while, but reach out to a church, anyone who was a friend - and I promise you will rebuild.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 04:33 AM
5

Absolutely see an attorney before. Visit apartments/condos whatever ahead of time you might live in. Strengthen your connections with friends, relatives, your kids - and feed the support network you’ll need. Make sure you have hobbies set up. Join a church if you’re not already in one. After that, plan it with her, calmly, if possible. Protect your financial assets BEFORE. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 03:58 PM
1

Try for friendship - I’m serious. And go to a church where they are hug and are supportive. Soak up small physical acts. Don’t force yourself into a gear you’re not ready for, you’ll regret it. I did/do.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 03:50 PM
1

Yes - I had my ring on for 23.5 years, so there’s a permanent mark
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 03:47 PM
1

About 2 months before I filed.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 03:46 PM
1

Avoiding the alimony is a huge win. I believe that amount could increase if your income increased. I don’t know how psychologically sustainable the sleep over thing is. When you find a new partner she’s not going to be hip with your sleeping privileges. I would have it written in that you have the option when pre-agreed to have your kids with you for long weekends when you want, so you have the surety of contact. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 01:41 PM
1

If you’re raised Catholic, by Germans, and marry the same, you’ll get it. In any case, we all now can decide. Peace.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/24 11:44 PM
4

You need to absolutely focus on you - and not think about her - stop the mental train the minute it starts. Wear a rubber band on your wrist - I’m not joking - and the minute the cascade of repeated, automatic thoughts start about her, what she is doing. Snap the band on your wrist, and say aloud “stop it”. Do not date, just my suggestion it’s a disaster. But you can go on the Apps, and plainly state you are just looking for someone nice to talk to, just coffee. I have been out with over 20 wome…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/24 09:32 PM
1

Actually I didn’t know about Rich Cooper at all, or Gatekeepers, or even that there is a place for voices, but I do now! This post helped me grow as a Noob divorcee, at 54, into an entirely different perspective….but I entered Tabla Rasa : “Blank Slate” knowing nothing just 5 months ago……
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 03:21 PM
3

Dude. I wish you well, but your responses seem very, very judgy, harsh, almost a god on high casting stones and judgement - from a place of certainty, and not as a supportive man. As William Safire once said, I refuse to have a battle of wits - with an unarmed opponent. C the dates were not hookups, and I have only “been” with 2 women in 29 years, not a contest of numbers, but dating is all about engaging, and I went out with six, but never let anything progress beyond a few kisses, and a hug an…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 11:43 PM
1

The post is really designed for the men who are in that period where they feel hope is lost: it’s a real experience. I have 9 years of college, have rebuilt 4 houses mostly by hand, and raised an autistic and once mute son to be a college entrant and several times 4.0. Yrs, it is true there’s a bit of worry, concern, and some testing of new waters but this is to be expected when one ends a twenty-five year marriage. I have heard the “make yourself an island” theory …..but as human beings I belie…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 09:46 PM
4

Yes. Also check out Rick at Unplugged Alpha, and entrepreneurs in cars, great stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 04:37 PM
2

There’s just something about 3’s and in my family. One of the 2 always had to be on the “puts”, and is was the same for my wife’s mom, a set of the 3, and my own bio mom - they have all argued and argued and no one gets it until someone passes away. Thank God I got out before I died unhappy, and you too!
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 04:16 PM
2

Dittos. My wife’s family is always chaos. There’s love, but at the end of the day, in my life only I’m speaking to - my MIL and her awful, mean, mother before her, the coven of my relatives shopped, drank wine, every social event was organized around their needs, and in the last 2 years, where all 3 “Sisters” got divorced (my wife being the last one), they openly disparaged and hated on the men. Disgusting. I was waiting on them, hand and foot, cooking, cleaning, and serving, and the angriest si…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 10:58 AM
1

I somehow forced myself through until my son was 3 months away from 18. That’s how I was able to stomach, breaking what we are taught, is the never to be broken bond. Also, I have filed, were finishing up last steps on the sale of the house, and have rented a 2-bedroom Apt literally 400 feet from my son’s High School for the last 8 months of his senior year. Like many here, I’m conjecturing, I suffered through at least 7 really bad years, out of just shy of 25, building 3 houses for her, but in …
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 10:38 AM
17

This is the lowest point. Reach out to all of your family, friends, and even people you left behind in life. Call everyone, friend/chat them on Social Media. You will get another job, you will get another wife (if you want one) Coming here was the right thing. You are NOT alone, all of the men in here, hundreds, thousands are experiencing some version of what is happening to you. Don’t give up, we support you!
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 10:38 AM
1

I disagree in that there are plenty of Quality women on Apps,?they are no different from men, but you need to exert the patience to SORT. Harry Potter sitting hat. But yes - build a 100% NO DRAMA gate. Make it airtight.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 02:17 PM
2

100% correct - After Divorce you need to work on YOU. The right, wrong, or perfect lady will come along, but usually a mix of all of that. Men - you need to work on turning your viewpoint, attitude, and presentation inside out. You need to become the flower. YOU need to strengthen your body, your mind, become attractive in look, clothes, action, and deed. They will come to you - or when you meet, you’ll be in a strong, “desired”: them desiring you, not you chasing. Understand? It’s not about mon…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 02:12 PM
6

I live in the Upper Midwest, and there’s a bunch of really great women here - and almost all of them want to get married or have a commitment. I’m 54, and the “response pool” is ages 48-58 on Match, and yes a ton of ghosting, but I’ve had 6 solid dates in 6 weeks of effort - all of these ladies wanting something permanent, and I’m now keeping 2, to see which is the stronger horse. Look, I grew up in LA, but came to MN 29 yers ago, as I instinctively knew big cities usually have a “me me me” vibe…
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 10:25 AM
1

I’m 2 months now into the divorce “ask” and my life is awesome! I still feel pain, separation anxiety, loss, will have to get a 40-yard and clear the property out myself, all 20 relatives disowning me, but the incredible, incredible peace is unbelievable to describe. The simplicity. I simply come home, clean, support my son with his homework - and the silence is the loss of almost 25+ years of constant female conflict,,expectation, and drama. Beautiful. So I lost $370K. Don’t care. I’m still ali…
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 02:14 AM
1

Yes, most courts will like she owes you the alimony, even in arrears, if she stops working - and if you have kids under 18.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 08:17 AM
5

I have been with 9 women since 1984. None of them have been able to save more than me. Most men are like this. I asked for a divorce 2 months ago, filed with an attorney a week ago. This stint, 24.5 years. My wife has made more than me for about 4 years, but stopped pursuing vast income - if I work to my potential, I’ve made $90k per year + bonuses at certain points, she would simply up her spending. I was trapped in a monetary Catch 22, and no matter how I worked or saved, my soon to be ex woul…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 02:07 PM
1

It really does, it was good for them only in the advantages
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 11:54 AM
2

Very true, once you see the poison
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 11:53 AM
2

They’re so f’n damaged, that when the love retreats, the raw animal underneath comes out!
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 02:10 PM
1

I’m right there - all 20+ family members on her side have disowned me. Luckily I have 15 lifelong friends, and 12 relatives in neighboring Iowa. Just keep building, and don’t ever give up on yourself!
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 02:09 PM
1

Agreed. I can’t watch my wife yelling at my son, or yelling at me. Luckily my son is 18 in 60 days, and I have already been out on 10 dates (just practicing), but keeping my confidence level up, my skills honed!
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 02:07 PM
1

Thanks for the input!
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 02:05 PM
1

Good job - don’t argue, just get it over with! Get one of those court appointed Apps that ex couples use! Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 02:04 PM
1

Yes. When her younger sister returned to MN, bought and returned a mansion on her husband’s dollar, then dropped the D bomb on the family, joining her mom and middle sister in divorce. The “Hen pecking party” moved my wife’s unhappiness meter from 20%, to 65% - but that’s her choice in being brainwashed. Yep - she’s NOT the woman I married, that person loved me, and was committed to me! I don’t care about $10K, I will pay anything to get out of this,and get my 50%, which I will! Onward!
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 02:02 PM
1

Yes - I’m doing counseling now, and this will be great for all of you. Keep focused on the positive, and keep building bridges to your children.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 01:58 PM
1

I just can’t agree more. My son would tell me, ask me, “ Why does mom yell all of the time?”
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 03:39 AM
1

Thank you Green code!
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 07:31 PM
1

Thank you Grey!
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 07:30 PM
2

Fight like hell!
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 07:29 PM
2

Dude - you are 33, I’m 54. I still consider myself to have time. You want to fight to be with your kid as much as you can. You should never give up one second of your time with your kid - you’ll never get that back. We only have today, we only have now.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 01:39 AM
2

I don’t care about the $, I just want out. I don’t want to lose $10K - but this woman and her family will argue forever, I’m 54, it’s about time. Just want the f out, so bad.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 12:45 AM
1

Thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 02:25 PM
1

26 years in this one, the 4th is me filing on her, but her mom, her youngest sister, and middle sister are all divorced
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 02:24 PM
3

The 4 divorces are not me, it’s the youngest sister, the mom, the middle sister, and my “log” is her.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 02:23 PM
1

They all turn into their mom, and the grandma. Take a careful, careful look.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 09:12 PM
3

Don’t feel bad. My mom’s MIL was cheated on for 10 years, so she disseminated her regret, anger, and shallowness into her daughters. The 2 youngest are divorcing, and over the past 2.5!.years, in a million ways these 3 have helped my wife and I into divorce. The last year, my wife actively helping. I know it’s a violation, but last week I took a look on my wife’s iPad. The chats were the “sisters” were bashing me, with wife either not defending me, or bashing me, or brining up a gripe, knowing w…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 10:50 AM
3

Absolutely superb post. Just asked my wife of 25 years for a divorce. Her whole family is divorced, all 5, and they are a self-support suicide machine. All of them spending, partying, and any man who enters their realm - good, luck, hand on the self-centered evil merry-go-round until you are thrown.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 10:40 AM
3

I have had an almost identical situation with my wife of 25 years. I finally had to pull the plug, knowing that we were only ever going to have diminishing returns. It’s sad the way you’ve had to sneak around to do basic things like a gym membership, travel for work, god forbid a motorcycle. Over time my wife morphed from putting our friendship 1st, to someone who lived entirely for her side of the family, and assigning me the possibility of a lackluster 15 min for sex, possibly, on Sundays. You…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 10:28 AM
5

You got divorced from your wife for a reason, probably lots of reasons. It takes two to break a marriage. I agree with the other posts to you here. You need to give yourself. You’re going to cry, freak out, melt down whether that perfect 24 year old is in your bed - or not. That 24 year old girl, is your wife, or any other person, in that with time, love and attention, you can build anything. You could love any woman, and will have that again, but if you’re ready - and have healed yourself - it …
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 10:18 AM
1

I love what you say about the non-chronological grief. It doesn’t make any sense. I’m only 2 weeks out from asking for the divorce - just signed up to start therapy this coming Wednesday, and had my Dr proscribe an antihistamine for the panic attacks…but one moment I’m fine, even feeling home - and other times I am a fucking reck. I can be in the middle of a crowd, full of strangers, normal conversation going on, and my mind is spinning with loss, fear, regret - or, nothing happens at all, I wal…
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 10:09 PM
16

I had a panic attack at work yesterday, and tried to walk down a 75 yard hallway, and lost my vision several times. There’s a small patio out of the office building where I cried. I’m one of the toughest MF’ers in this planet, but cashing in 25 years, with a woman who I still love, but who will always be in thrall to her f’d up family - is devastating. Thank you for sharing, and this is an awesome group of men. Yes, I read the other posts here. Start with 3 pushups. Start with 1. Add 1 every 3 d…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 11:04 AM
2

Have that 4th, 5th coffe and just “fake it ‘till you make it” - we’re all doing it. BELIEVE in yourself, my man!
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 02:07 AM
6

I’m sorry about your situation, but only you can fix it. Short answer, yes - you need to walk up to as many women as you wish to, compliment them on their hair/shoes/earrings,etc. and engage. Have a cool business card to leave with them. I’m teaching my 18 year old son how to do this, and you may have to try 100 times, to get 1 coffee date, but that is the cost. Get some therapy, get in awesome shape at the gym, and clean up your diet. Do awesome at work, and make friends there. Pride is somethi…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/24 12:44 PM
7

Of course. At a minimum I think every man should take at least 3 months celibate. Also, try not to Porn. I don’t want to steer my response way off of your question, but…… When my ex, who finally after 21 years, and she sat and ate a bag of chips for dinner, never exercised, and started to absorb sell esteem issues from her mom, sisters, and generally started to age, as we do age 42-50, she shut down the sex, and started to use that as control. So I just simply never asked her for sex. We went mo…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 10:07 PM
1

I can’t thank you enough. Really hugs all around.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 06:23 AM
2

Agreed. The family had slowly been sh$&#ting on me for about 2 years - but seeing my wife increasingly growling, then pretending to be nice, and actually good sex still sometimes, and yet here I see her agreeing with her sisters, and saying stuff, dozens of threads - that I was the same as the verbally abusive, angry tech BIL, now being divorced - and the same as the angry, verbally and physically abusive immigrant former BIL. She was literally trashing me, right after we had dinner, out for bee…
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 12:07 AM
2

Too true!
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 10:48 PM
2

It was the final straw - plus the last 2 gatherings something was SO off, and it was the family, unable to hide the poison taking root. They will all have me as “Persona-non-grata” from now, until forever. In MN it is a super tight, almost closed community.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 08:37 PM
3

The mom was cheated on by dad for over 10 years, damaging all 3 girls….and then over time they project that damage out, and emulate the fantasy world mom lives in.she rushes around the damage, dispensing a gauzy Christmas wrap of “Helping”, while supressing the angst of dads betrayal. Dad skates free, the three daughters chasing him, and never once have they addressed the infidelity.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 06:32 PM
5

The middle one is by far the bitterest. She has an STD, and chose to have kids with a man who was clearly abusive after the 1st kid, then proceeded to have more. She also trashed my brother, who is a great guy, by breaking up with him just as they were leaving MN for LA and she had given up her apt, as well as job, two family parties to celebrate the new couple, and what was supposed to be a week of camping and travel - boom! The youngest is a diva who got constant Botox, breast implants, then l…
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 12:42 PM
2

Two weeks ago I drew a little diagram, a “dream catcher web” of the 3 things I want most to focus on, it said: “1. Peace. 2. Stability. 3. Retirement”. Writing your goals down, focusing, means you probably won’t achieve it. All 3 of these things mean my current, but Ex as of Monday, won’t, and can’t be part of what I want for my future. The last month I’ve spent weeks, hours, minutes, crying, frustrated, overwhelmed, pissed, sad, or just quietly humiliated. But 100% of my family and friends - an…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 08:32 PM
7

Depending on your age, I’m 54 - it takes that power move, trapping you with kids, off the table. Take a deep look at yourself. Think. Strategize. If you know you don’t want more kids - the biggest responsibility you’ll ever have, get one. Then, when you meet a special woman, you’ll become step ahead - if things don’t work out - and I’m certainly hope they do - you won’t be battling over kids. After all, this is called “divorced men” and hopefully you’ve learned a little something being on here, …
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 11:21 PM
1

I was in Thailand for a month last year, nothing sultry ….just thinking about me for the 1st time since my son was born. 2 British dudes in a bar, after hearing the story of my life, in a pool bar in Pattaya, told me: “You better start thinking of yourself Mate!” It’s as though I had been living in a fever dream, everything I had done the last 24 years was either for my family/relatives, but with myself as the smaller equation. Now that YOU are awake, I wish you strength on your journey…..like i…
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 10:21 PM
3

Put a podcast on, every time you consider thinking down the old negative tracks of thoughts. Get on Facebook/ text and track down every old friend/acquaintance you feel might be a connection. Take time with your clothes, shoes, diet, and feel pride in yourself. Talk weekly with your mom, dad, and siblings - and let them know you’re going to need help, and a weekly text/call just saying: “Hey man, are you ok?”- because you’re not gonna be……you’ll make it, my filing goes in Monday, and I was in wi…
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 10:15 PM
2

Well said!
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 07:46 PM
3

Knowing up front what they want, will help you. You can share feelings - but make sure you’re strong enough to maintain control, and have a clear vision of what you want. Also, if you’re over 40, do yourself a favor, and take the 30 minutes, to get a vasectomy.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 07:45 PM
8

Dude! My soon to be old life!! I rebuilt 3 houses for my current, filing/mediation - her choice Monday. Pack Mule? I remember taking a 115lb suitcase over head, and dragging through London, on “o” in 2022. And so followed, almost 3 more years of labor, servitude, and back-breaking - as I am Catholic, my standard of service is, “you’re perfect”. However, the merciless drive of my spouse’s mom, divorced, and 2 divorced sisters, and angry Nordic grandma (hubby passed, set me up as the mast living/e…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 09:41 PM
8

I really, really needed this post. Just awesome. I’m speechless, and 100% “there”.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 08:04 PM
3

That dude needs some help. Wow, get away from him. I am from a strict Catholic background - a cult, took me 4 years of increasingly awful, to decide “out”. But this guy, Zoinks, should not be with anyone, needs a guru and therapy to get over his brain conditioning.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 01:34 AM
1

This happening to me, and has been for years, in the marriage. I’m filing this coming Monday. If it continues, get that court appointed AP that records everything, many people use that - I will probably need to do that.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 06:36 PM
1

If she has graduated to the point that she has filed, you need to stay on your step 5, and then move the heck on. You’re burning your life up, for no purpose.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 06:05 PM
3

People are trying to help you, truly. Listen.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 11:28 PM
4

Great post - right on the money.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 09:45 PM
1

Get some counseling. Spend the $400 for 3 sessions to see if she and you can get a voice, don’t throw away needlessly. However, I hope you have learned your lesson - if you can’t find the “fun” as mentioned, quickly - and this is a 2 person effort, you don’t have to carry the weight you did before and neither do I. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 09:40 PM
1

It is completely possible to love again, and in fact, quite natural. I have tried to love, and achieved love with 6 of the 9 women who were part of my life. 3 of the six were amazing love, but only for portions of the relationship - and that’s all totally normal. Congratulations!
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 07:29 PM
2

I’ve had 6 years of solid strength, stable weight, and I’ll never give it up. I also had 13.1% blood sugar, dr said I would die early, but now that I have the fat off of my organs, my libido is up 300%, and your positivity rockets. Thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 05:47 PM
7

I was 301, and now range between 221-228, and very, very fit, it took 2 solid years to get to 245
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 03:17 PM
3

I’m 54, and in the best shape of my life. It is however 90% diet. I hit the gym 3-5 times a week, for 35-50 minutes, and only need 4 exercises to be in the top 5% of people in my age/body style. I have many younger women say I look “Great” all the time. Yes everyone, get a good/great body, or even just start the journey toward that, and your self-esteem will rise! Start with 15 minutes a day, then increase. ROCK IT.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 02:46 PM
9

I’m starting over with 90K at 54, but at least we’re still alive. My wife pissed away at least $500k over 25 years.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 11:41 AM
2

Luckily MN is a no fault state, my son is almost 18 (3 months) and now she makes slightly more than me. My lovely wife decided as our son was going into daycare, not to work - for 8 years, and quit her job where she was making more than me, just like her mother had done. This cost us at least $350K for that single adventure. I’m just glad to still be alive, some Men go to the grave, in misery. Don’t regret: you and I and all of the men on here can’t look back, it won’t help. I wish you well, and…
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 11:39 AM
13

I have built 4 houses for 2 women, and the economic result of this was disasterous. American women are f”n deeply broken. Dresses, shoes, expensive dinners and all of the posh that a regular dude can ever provide. It’s sick. Get off the hamster wheel.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 03:11 AM
1

No way. You put that in the hands of a trusted relative, or conservator backed by a law firm. She’s your ex for a reason, remember that. Your daughter could handle it at say 21? Or as an annuity.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 05:40 PM
1

My MIL sets the entire schedule for the year, including at least 10 unannounced, or day of surprise BBQ’s in which I get home from work, and I have a house full of people. My wife green lights this, and of course we pay for 70-100% of it. I’m the most generous guy in the universe, and when I was in the beverage business, it was free booze for 11 years, but after I plainly told everyone, you have to show up with something, even if it’s a bag of chips, I’m now “Grumpy”. I could go on and on.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 01:41 PM
1

The parents who were basically hippies, and as the dad said, “We never denied ourselves anything”…and was pointing to the root cause of the divorce. If you grow up in an environment like that, you have no guard rails for your life. Now MIL spends 100% of her time, running around, dragging my wife with, and patching the daughter’s broken lives.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 01:37 PM
2

Relatives are a huge factor and my FIL is awesome, and so is his wife (Step mom to my wife).it’s the damaged, way too much Jesus mom, and her two damaged daughters - my wife’s sisters, that poison the pot. My wife who is choosing them, over my son and I, will only continue to be negatively influenced, as I have seen and watched for 4 years. (The fireball of this latest, youngest, return to MN then divorce woman, in Mexico spending 4K, out of work, but on vacation, with my wife)
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 01:33 PM
1

I loved your story, sad, but also hilarious, when you marry someone - you marry 100% of their crazy shit as well. Hopefully you’re happier now.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 08:44 PM
1

Thank you, thank you
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 04:57 PM
1

You’re making me feel I’m not alone. I really appreciate it. My wife’s dad cheated on MIL for 10 years, that had to cause huge damage. Yes, and to your point, there’s also the submerged damage, of being silent, and distant, and grudges, that get transferred - on top of the fighting.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 04:54 PM
4

Not all women are insane, but in this case, seems like 4 of the people I’ve been with. Nuts angry, scary, then invite you back. Look- once bitten, twice shy. Your life needs to be about the pursuit, of what you deserve. You don’t need to scrape up the old vomit and pretend it’s palatable.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 01:18 PM
7

You cannot fix who you are. She can’t either. We can make slow, incremental changes. Why would you trust someone whose judgement was so poor, she tried to clean you out? That’s insane.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 07:38 PM
9

Do not go back. DO NOT. My 1st ex tried the same thing. Listen to your gut. She tried to F you over, dude - careful.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 07:35 PM
1

You need to give this more time. In my opinion, there are so many damaged women out there, the positives you listed are tremendous. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 06:00 PM
1

First divorce, 28, 2nd 64. 1 son who is awesome, in Minnesota. Good luck
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 05:57 PM
1

In reading further in your reply, and this is only me - women in many cases make deeper, more nuanced, and more broad category friends and colleagues than many men. The expression of their hormones on development of clumping of neurons, in pathways, in the brain, gives the ability for a “global thought process” whereas men’s general hormone development of the brain, lends to neuron pathways that allow more focus, and intensity of thought. I respect your opinion, but I am living proof of a man wh…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 02:31 PM
-1

I’m 54, and have 2 totally platonic teacher friends of over 30 years each. However, I was raised my a German Electrical Engineer, so I was given the gift of total discipline. All of the age, race, college (I have 9 years with Masters work at 4.0 and 2 degrees) platonic relationships are possible, but it depends entirely on the individual.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 02:24 PM
5

Everyone - you need to take the time, to heal completely. ONS and even Porn can be damaging, when both feet are not firmly planted. I’m not divorced yet, she will be served in about 6 weeks - but having been married before, and LTRs for 35 years, I’ve understood I need friendship, the company of females, and healing acts like a big, honest, warm, hug. Here’s a suggestion: make a female friend, who is a true friend. Right up front you declare it’s platonic. Discipline and use your time with her t…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 12:55 PM
2

In many states moving out without a Separation Agreement is abandonment, and hurts your case. Don’t do it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 03:02 PM
5

There were many “signs” - yes, and I’ve become observant of the sea change, but there definitely was a 2-3 month period June-August of 2023 where everything synchronized against me.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 01:50 PM
10

My wife’s youngest sister moved back to MN, and after announcing at a garage party about 18 months ago that she was divorcing her husband, my wife became someone else. My wife was triggered back to her situation at 17 when dad left mom for his 10 year hidden love. Over the last 18 months - I’m the only remaining man left under age 70, with 3 divorced people already, I’ve become the focus of ire, mistrust, and anger. Men are to be mistrusted, and as my wife digs further and further into shelterin…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 12:40 PM
1

America is so ridiculous in terms of numbers. What does 40 even mean. I’m 54, and totally ripped, and confident. Outside of work I present myself as manly, cultured, confident, and people feel the charisma. Don’t be programmed by societal expectation. Harriet wrote her 1st novel, which one a Pulitzer, at 72. Love yourself, live in yourself with joy, be a “flower” and the bees will come. Get that notion - “40”, “50”?or whatever number means my life is =X. That type of thinking will kill your soul…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 11:54 PM
1

Download Meetup and start joining and attending groups. Go in Bumble Friends and post a 100% honest profile that you just need a platonic coffee buddy Go to Church Volunteer Get hobbies Keep sharing here Good luck my friend
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 07:08 PM
1

Some people will stay put no matter what - and my soon to be ex is like that as well. We’re basically unhappy roommates, and even joke about it. The thing is, you have to be happy, in life, with what time you have left.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 06:44 PM
1

Just be 100% honest about your feelings, and stop hiding them. You need to do this for you.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 06:17 PM
6

I came from a family where y dad stayed with my mom from mairrage June 1967 until my father’s death in 2010. My soon to be ex’s family is an f-n disaster with 2 sisters divorced, and 2 parents double divorced. There’s a huge amount of suppressed anger at men, due to her dad cheating on mom for over 10 years. I don’t know if you believe in the Freudian model, but I’m in 100% Unresolved pasts are a huge hindrance!
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 01:17 PM
3

You can see in their eyes, the windows to the soul, when the worm has turned. They make a decision. My wife chose to be her grandma, one of the meanest and saddest people I’ve ever met, and it took me some time to understand she’s someone else now.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 12:17 AM
3

I dint’t have and social media outside poison - I do LinkedIn exclusively. I let the real world reward me, and guard the privacy and joy of my life, with an Iron fist. Reddit is the only social media, and it’d 2 way private, I’ve engaged in. Learn to live in the real world and take love from the people in your street, your grocery store, your gas station, your coffee shop. Humans want to feel good with real humans, and they are all around you. Be nice to one, say hello, pay a compliment. Thank y…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 11:48 PM
1

Starting from the point that we all understand that we cannot “make” anyone do anything, even our own sons, here are some world truths; 1. Get some therapy for yourself, so you can let go of some of your fear, anxiety, and anger at your ex. I’m doing that just now, and it’s working wonders. 2. Only you can know best how your son will react to advice/pressure - at 20 the independence streak is huge. If you push too hard, might cause distancing, rebellion. 3. There are no assurances that your son’…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 12:30 PM
3

Not to even address “sex” not having your wife desire you, was perhaps the most painful thing of all. It’s the same as giving your all, and then handed a repeated, proverbial “slap”. Intimacy is communication, and that is in all forms, and when a woman shuts down intimacy, touch, affection - for long periods, it’s poison to the relationship. I’ve had 5 “dates” with a platonic friend - who very clearly likes me, keeps inviting me to do things, and who on our 2nd outing told me she “loves-loves-lo…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 08:14 PM
1

You have to make the best long-term decision for both parties - in this case, you ended it. As long as you were a Gentleman for 2 weeks, 2 years, whatever timetable, doesn’t matter. By keeping someone on the hook, if you know you should go - you’re wasting their time, and that’s worse.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 08:06 PM
4

Also, get in the gym as often as you can, and just crank it out. Burn that nervous energy off. I’m 54 and in the best shape of my life - losing 79 lbs and keeping it off for 6+ years. When I announce my divorce in 6-7 weeks, I have built the confidence, by knowing I look 20 years younger - women compliment me, and I couple it with clean clothes, hygiene, and also smiling a’lot and being complimentary and kind. Part of my soon to be ex’s jealousy, anger, and continued bad attitude come from her k…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 06:48 PM
4

There’s a great philosophical podcast I like called Secular Buddhism with Noah Rushetta. It teaches you not divorce, but a secular version of Buddhist teaching, for how to train your mind. How to detach. How to slow racing thoughts down. The difference between your ego/self, and “thinking”. Noah calmly breaks down his life situations, and Buddhist stories in a simple, calming and clear way to give you the tools to operate your mind, and emotions, correctly. I’ll give you the 1st basic lesson: le…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 06:36 PM
5

My ex who got me to MN, and abandoned me and us just as we were finishing our 1st house, received the gift of my not talking to her for 9 years. She eventually made contact with me through her brother, and when we did speak, she started off with an apology for making our house vegan, without asking my opinion. I told her I gave her credit for having the guts to admit that. I told her I was remarried, with a son, happy, and within a minute or two she was right back to her gripes about me. This wa…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 06:11 PM
5

Every moment you spend worrying about what she is saying - keeps you from moving on into your new life. If you were a mind reader you might be surprised - many people on her side probably see things in a balanced way. I don’t mean this in a mean way, but if you obsess about what others think, you’re simply damaging yourself needlessly- remember: you cannot change what any other person on this earth thinks. You need to accept that reality, and just be at peace with yourself. You need to focus on …
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 05:35 PM
1

I fucking soft-peddled, laid, low, and let that “go girl” / me too stuff pass over my head , like a big waive, on the beach. I am not naturally like this at all, but survival instincts kicked in! Thank you for your kind comments - you are mentally literally keeping me alive.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 04:17 AM
1

The woman has huge familial damage. She acted out her own play, on you, from an unresolved past - my 1st marriage was a preplay of what you are going through. Get the F out and away from her immediately. You can drink smoke whatever or not, not your partners choice to dictate, but agreed normal societal rules up front are a must - what was her family background?
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/24 09:54 PM
3

You should be hugely excited. I’m asking for divorce in 7 weeks and I can’t wait to breathe, sleep, and even love and live again some day. I can’t do that until I admit I need to get out of prison. Go for it!
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/24 09:50 PM
1

Why would I be paying alimony if in her new job she makes more than me, has more assets than me, and our son is 18? Just asking, as I truly don’t know - only been on here a few days, and I honestly don’t know? Thank you?
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/24 09:45 PM
2

Oh I’m not perfect by any means, and many mistakes on may part, but the financial waywardness on hers is so awful, and extreme, and continuous that, well she can answer to that herself - but - crickets. Next time I see even a smidge of this, I will make changes immediately. Thank you for the time in your reply.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/24 09:43 PM
1

My friends and even strangers I met her have helped mentally make it over the jump, these last 3 weeks. Thank you for listening, and the cult of my Catholicism made it all the harder.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 05:11 PM
1

Thank you, very, very much - I see an attorney next week
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 05:09 PM
2

I’ve been with 9 women since 1987, and not one has ever kept a secret from her mom:sister/best friend
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 03:03 PM
1

My soon to be MIL wrote a long letter to my soon to be ex wife’s husband, as her daughter was both suing, and had moved out into a 4k/mo townhome, and now has no job. No doubt I will get a letter from her, a faith-based “God doesn’t want this” - all 100% unsolicited, and not at all helpful. In fact, I find that the people giving the advice, were often the same enablers that in many cases undermined the relationship in the 1st place. Counseling doesn’t erase the past. Also, the decision to leave …
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 11:46 AM
2

I’ll make succinct: 1.take the 15 minutes and get a vasectomy I have found, even working girls - none of whom I’ve been with, if they think it’s possible, will try to form a relationship You can consider this: get proactive, “I might consider LT or exclusive, but I really want to take my time, and get to know you before I get heavily involved, let’s keep communicating”
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 07:30 PM
2

Everyone is different - but it seems the thread is agreed, in the bulk, don’t date unless you have your head straight. Also, every woman you meet, stands the possibility of being entirely different from your ex. There are many awesome women, willing to date, and also to keep their own place, and pay their own way - but you need to be 100% up front about what you want, and are willing to accept. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 06:37 PM
1

Women do generally have a great sense of what is good for kids and a household. However, and this is the big one, you still have 50% rights unless you mess that up with a DUI, bad behavior - so in a sense, it’s on you to make sure you make a good enough “you” so you can survive this, then go beyond. I was clearly unhappy for at least 6 years, since 2018, and somehow I’ve pushed through until my son is 18 (3.5 months) which is key. Stay strong, form a plan, talk to a lawyer, exercise, get your se…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 09:38 AM
0

Don’t give up on what you want, there are tons of willing, hard-working women, with kids who would love a blended family. Just don’t share your bank account or house with them in the future. My good friend who introduced me to Reddit, and this chain was nastily divorced and cheated on 5 years ago, now has an awesome job, and a girl from his high school days, pretty, looked him up and they are happier than heck, in a blended family. That should give you, and me, hope.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 09:30 AM
5

The goal gentlemen, is to make it (IT = Her) someone else’s problem. The sooner she can get re-married, / otherwise re-occupied with whatever Little Princess/Girl Fantasy, games - the better for you.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 09:22 AM
4

I love this “help her chase her ridiculous dreams.” My wife just got laid off, works again in 5 weeks, and she could have used her payoff money to help pay down the equity loan on our house - to cover more frivolous crap, $150 haircuts, tattoos, and all of the ridiculous “girls weekend” bullcrap, but now she has a Mexico trip with her divorcing sister, and a party every one of the 5 weeks. Her mother is an empty soul, cruising around, directionless, and encouraging her 3 broken daughters, with t…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 09:19 AM
5

Don’t hold back. Let the feeling rush over you, and through you. It all passes, but not painlessly. The worst thing you can do is hide from the pain, the loss of ego. Remember, you’re still alive - and able to go forward….. and live more!
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 02:14 AM
1

I dream of all of the women I loved, and I truly did try to love them all - even the very broken ones. I expect my ex and I will remain friends forever,!on some level: 25 years together, and bonded by child
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 02:10 AM
2

Peace my friend. It has taken me a lifetime to only partially live, “Let it be”
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 02:02 AM
8

No one is responsible for the acts you take, and how you are, but you. Women or men or whomever projecting what they do now, to someone else’s past actions - I.e. “Retaliation” are passing the buck. You only have you, to answer to, which is why your actions should always be of the highest caliber. Bullies are ultimately hitting themselves, cheaters cheat their own heart, and what you you do to others, you’re actually doing to yourself in kind. Your Ex/Current wife may flail, sleep around, yell/s…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 12:59 AM
1

Once you are done with a woman, it’s better if you did not know either way - it’s about letting go, and choosing you. Why injure yourself going over any sordid details of what she did, or did not do? It does you no good?
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 10:19 PM
2

You have to man up, and be the one who makes the moves. You don’t her to release yourself from your situation - YOU need to do it. Life it not convenient. If you are a good person inside, kind to your kids, true - you can let a hot pan drop, before it burns you.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 10:17 PM
1

Easily the most thoughtful, deep, and peaceful advice - I can’t say enough about learning to be 100% present - with yourself, and women
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 06:52 PM
2

I’m cut, way fit, kind, dress well, and eat healthy - my wife as she aged got bigger, the fat started the cycle of chemical depression - she took my fitness as a challenge. Let’s also separate out that a woman grabbing you, kissing you passionately, a nice back rub - can some days be just as good as sex. Like her mother, and grand mother, ago fostered feistiness, independence and eventually total lack of libido. Good luck, I got out of mine as my son turned 18.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 04:57 PM
1

I am in the same exact family situation and getting out. My wife and I have been the nexus of multiple, broken family members. As time passes they return to our home state, gather around, and are wined, dined, entertained, and enabled and coddled by my wife, who chooses drama and ever increasing family emotionality, over my son and I. I can see the face of the cruel, now passed matriarch in my MIL, and it’s getting further expressed in my wife. After building 3 houses, 2 businesses, and hosting …
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 04:28 PM
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