At 6:31am, after hitting the gym at 5, I logged in at work, and paid the $2,500 Retainer fee for the divorce lawyer. The sweat was rolling off my brow, my vision phased out at least 2-3 times, I started shitting myself right there in my cubicle. I crab walked to the bathroom, and emptied all of my guts, barely. I thought that telling my wife 6 weeks I wanted ti be done, was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. This is equally as hard, easily. At 4, I dropped off the Attorneys papers, and it can’t be undone, and I don’t want it to be done. I am a very strong man, and a good man, and a kind man, and at 229 a physically present man, and yet this has left me in tatters. This two events, actually telling her how awful her family has been, and how crappy she has been to me, increasingly, as this family empties out of men has been a sign. I don’t know where I’m headed, but it’s to a place of peace far beyond this life of servitude, ingratitude, and the phrase that resonates most in what was a happy marriage years 1-26, kind of, but has descended into a “You go girl”fest of 3 divorces, and now I’m happy to throw this 4th log on the fire. I really appreciate all of you men out there reading, listening. This chat has been a savior to me many, many times as I lay crying in my side bedroom, just f-n spinning. I really appreciate all of you. The hardest 2 things: 1. Accepting that this was the choice. #2 Although it took the click of a button, actually following through. I wish you all peace in making your way toward a happier life.