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Emotional_Lettuce251 Archive

View 11 posts and 532 comments by Emotional_Lettuce251 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

We all are brother. Stay strong.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 07:27 AM
1

You are in control of the boundaries you set for yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 07:08 AM
11

STBXW told me she was going to file before I was served. I asked her why. I told her I disagreed. I told her I was disappointed in her. I could see their was no waiver in her decision. At that point, I was on a freight train to push the divorce forward. I said my piece ... said she was taking the easy way out, but there was no going back now. What I actually said was "I am disgusted with you". Even though it is the last thing I wanted, I am very proud of myself for not begging. She would have to…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 03:37 AM
2

Couldn't that just be extrapolated to all relationships? Humans are social beings.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 03:30 AM
2

I have no idea what this is supposed to mean.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 06:06 AM
1

Preach.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 04:16 AM
21

This is a ridiculously simplistic statement. People get married because they see benefit in it. When the marriage ends, so do those benefits. If there were no benefit to getting married, nobody would do it. Pretending otherwise does not make you strong, smart, tough, etc. It makes you delusional. Work on yourself so that you can make a partner’s life better, not depend on your partner to make your life better. A lot of us are divorced for this exact reason. We gave all that we had to our partner…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 03:08 AM
1

I mean, this dude was dealing coke when he was 15 ...
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/25 03:38 AM
2

TBF ... one of my buddies started cleaning pools in the mid 90's. He now, more or less, runs the company ... which is a decent sized pool company in a city of over a million people. He doesn't have a college degree (I do), and I'd imagine he makes a decent amount more than I do (although I have a pretty cush government job).
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/25 02:39 AM
3

My Ex tried to hit me up for the cost of school lunch. I basically told her she was crazy if she thought CS wasn't meant to cover that. I told her that I have no control when the kids are with her if they get a sack lunch or school lunch ... therefore, it isn't my problem.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/25 02:34 AM
8

This is what I do, basically. When I have the kids, I'll take them shopping (not all of the time) for a few things they need (I also spend a little bit more on them than their mother would). I save the receipts. Take a picture of the kids holding up what I bought them ... and then I just sit on it. When the Ex sends me a text about owing her money for some BS thing, I send the receipts and pictures and tell her to deduct that out of what she would owe me if I cared enough to account for every pe…
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/25 02:24 AM
1

Oh .... she got her mom to write one as well. That one was a REAL doozy. Now, unlike the other 2, she actually does know me, but, in this instance, she doesn't know her daughter. She only knows the masked version of her daughter.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 06:05 PM
4

I agreed to a strictly "trial separation" for about 3 months. It ended up lasting about 1 year (because she kept saying she wasn't ready). I should not have agreed to it in the first place ... I see that now, but what's done is done. Even when I told her I was coming home she said she "still wasn't ready" and gave me this long list of "rules" that I would need to abide by. One of the "dumbest" being that I would be present in our children's lives. I was ALWAYS present in our children's lives. Sh…
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 06:33 AM
4

I get it. My divorce has been on-going for about 14 months now. I've barely contested anything. I have no idea what the hold-up is. Somehow, I still get a bill for about $1,200 - $1,500 per month. I barely care what happens anymore. I just want it to be over so I can fully move on.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 04:39 AM
1

My stbxw obviously loved Steve. I didn't have strong feelings about him one way or another for a while. Sometimes I would leave frustrated, but not upset. However, he then crossed the line with me. He wanted to know "On a scale of 1 - 10, 10 being the most, how hopeful are you for your marriage?". I told him that I really can't answer that because it's not how I operate. I said the amount of hope I have does not dictate my actions, and I will put forth as much effort as possible to make my marri…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 08:15 PM
3

I do my best. That doesn't solve the issue that I simply don't have enough time around them. I miss the little things. The day to day things. It is what it is.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 07:14 PM
1

I agree with you. I too believe that, at some point, you just have to get over some things and let it go. I think this might be more of a male "thing". After years of counseling, I was telling our therapist that we just need to "hit the restart" button, and, as best as possible, start over. We need to be addressing our issues as they come up. Instead, we sit her have week talking about the same 4 things that all took place 5 + years ago (and they aren't even major issues ... just arguments that …
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 06:30 PM
1

I honestly had to look up at your UserID to see if I had written this. I have written this. Verbatim. Also, out of the counselors/therapist we saw, a guy named Steve was far and away my least favorite. lol Mine did the same thing. She refused to talk to me about any of our issues unless it was in therapy. However, she then just didn't talk to me period. The only effort, from my point of view, that she was making was simply showing up to the sessions ... which, why wouldn't she want to because al…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 06:22 PM
1

This is exactly how I often felt in marriage counseling. We were constantly operating under my stbxw's false narratives. However, she wouldn't admit it (but that is probably because she believed her own BS). The therapist would then constantly be telling me that I was deflecting, trying to change the subject, or simple refusing to answer the question. It was so maddening. How do you address an issue that happened when her version is so wildly far from the truth of what actually happened? It was …
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 06:13 PM
7

Same. My stbxw hadn't spoken to me, quite literally, about anything other than logistics surrounding the kids or had sex with me, at all, for the last 7 years of our marriage before she filed for divorce. I don't really miss her (sometimes I miss the idea of her) because what is there to miss? I do hate not being with the kids full time. I just feel like I am missing so much. Visitation is not the same thing. I don't want to visit my kids; I want to parent my kids. I don't feel like a father any…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 05:42 PM
7

I told my STBX In-laws what had been going on in our marriage. Did it change anything? Not that I'm aware of. That being said, my situation was that my STBXMIL wrote an affidavit on behalf of my STBXW as to why she believed my STBXW should have full legal and physical custody. 20 years of marriage, in-laws have never said a bad word to me about anything, and then I'm reading an affidavit that is so bias and ridiculous. Obviously, I had to write a response for the purpose of submitting it to cour…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 05:15 AM
2

I interpret this as more of a "It's the thought that counts" sort of post. I don't expect my kids to spend a bunch of money on me (or any money actually). It's nice when they make me something or even just ask if we can go out for dinner on my birthday (even though I know I'll be paying). I'm definitely struggling with the feelings of not being as important in my children's lives anymore ... us fathers are just hoping our kids still love us, think about us, and want to be around us. I don't need…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/25 04:42 AM
4

I have 4 kids. I got nothing from any of them for Christmas. For my birthday, I got three 2-Liters of soda, 2 Butterfinger candy bars, and a handmade card ... that was from my 6 year old. My 11, 14 and 16 year olds did nothing. It is what it is. I don't really care. I'd be happy with a "Happy Birthday" or "Merry Christmas" handwritten card from them, but that's okay. It was always WAY easier for me to purchase a gift for my mom than it was my dad. So, I guess I kind of get it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/25 04:39 AM
1

Yeah, right ... so he can spend $500 p/h and see no results.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/25 01:28 AM
1

Can we not become this kind of sub? This is the 2nd correction I've seen just for this post. Also, and ellipsis is THREE periods ... just saying.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/25 11:48 PM
10

It sounds like you have "right of first refusal" and your ex is communicating with you in the correct manner. I guess my only question would be how much time in advance are you getting when she sends these calendar invites? I know we have a minimum advanced notice stipulated for certain things, but I'd have to look at the order to remember exactly what it says. I'm sorry that you're frustrated. Divorce sure tends to put a magnifying glass on things.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/25 11:41 PM
1

Parenting at 11:00 AM ... while my kids are in school. Makes perfect sense (On a day that's not part of my parenting time plan ... okay). I work from home, and I'm waiting for a meeting to start. The fact of the matter is that you have no idea what you're talking about, and you're the one digging through 4 months of posts on a men's divorce sub. Why you even here? Worried about your "happy marriage"? Or is it that you just get your kicks from shitting on guys going through the worst time of thei…
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 04:58 PM
1

Doesn't mean he still won't end up thinking you're a piece of trash. You're obviously young ... probably haven't been married for more than 5 years.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 04:50 PM
1

Have fun finding a guy that doesn't end up thinking you are a piece of trash.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 04:45 PM
1

Responsibility for what? This is a Men's divorce page and I was ranting (while also dealing with the death of my father when I posted this). Maybe go back to your Bath and Bodyworks sub. You don't even belong here to begin with.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 04:41 PM
1

You're responding to a post from 4 months ago. A post I made in September of 2024, which, by the way, my father passed away somewhat unexpectedly on September 04, 2024. Buying a meal to cook for one dinner cost almost the same as take out (and requires a lot more work and clean up ... and time that I do not really have). I do cook when I am with them all weekend because that way we can do some leftovers. Do you have kids? More specifically, do you have 4 kids that are all involved in competitive…
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 04:28 PM
1

I'm guessing my sociopathic Ex sleeps just fine ... unfortunately. I, unfortunately, am sleeping like shit. Pretty much wake up once an hour every night.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 09:54 PM
3

I will always consider my Ex to be an abusive monster. I won't spend time dwelling on it, but that will never change.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 08:17 PM
11

Although I can't for the life of me understand why any man would want to put themselves in that situation again. A situation where you can be kicked to the curb because they decided they weren't happy with you for some reason. I am 48. Stbxw filed in November 2023. I don't know why but she/her attorney are dragging their feet. We could've most likely taken care of things on our own in 3 months. Never really did get an answer as to why she decided to blow up our 25 year relationship/marriage/fami…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 08:04 PM
2

What's up with grown men using the word "kiddo"? Not trying to be a dick, I just don't understand. It sounds like you think of your child as a pet, to me (Not YOU, but just when I hear that term).
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 11:39 PM
1

Pro tip about that attorney....he's not dragging it out for the sake of making it difficult, he's burning through billable hours at her expense. 2 things about that: He doesn't bill by the hour. He has some tiered system of billing depending on which stage of the process we are in. Secondly, if he was just collecting billables he wouldn't be doing a very good job because the case had pretty much been standing still since August until I had my attorney file a Motion to Compel a few weeks ago. The…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 10:03 PM
5

I have been "nesting" for 14 months. STBXW has the family home. I agreed to it in our Temp Orders because I honestly didn't think our divorce would take very long. I knew I wasn't going to really contest much, we have zero debt aside from our mortgage, and our retirement accounts. We could have done this on our own without lawyers, but, no, my stbxw had to go off and hire some hotshot, bulldog ... for literally no reason other than she doesn't know what the fuck she is doing (and he's just dragg…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 02:09 AM
3

Cheers, mate (but with a Gin & Tonic)!
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 09:33 PM
1

Got sold a false bill of goods. Knew her for about 8 years before we got married. She seemed like she would be an amazing person to spend the rest of my life with and grow a family with. We never lived together or had sex prior to getting married. 1 year into marriage and I was already starting to wonder who the hell this person was. I spent 20 years fighting for our marriage ... she filed for divorce in November 2023 (proceedings are on-going still). Now ... I don't even recognize her. I don't …
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 09:24 PM
1

It's generally used in a religious sense (Christianity). Google "Bible equally yoked" and that is most likely what this person is talking about.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 09:18 PM
1

I regret not going to law school. I had a scholarship for a Jesuit University that had "Pre-law" as an undergraduate degree. So long as you maintained a 3.5 GPA you automatically got accepted into their law program and could start taking entry level JD classes your Senior year. I decided to go to a DII school and play baseball instead.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 12:41 AM
2

My first Christmas away from my kids as well. Four girls ... 7, 11, 14 and 16. Probably just go see a movie or something.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 12:30 AM
11

Your family isn't broken. Your kids have an awesome mom and dad and are going to do just fine. And once you let go of your ex and move on to other women you will do just fine too. I'm really tired of hearing horse shit like this. This is the exact sort of stupid ass narrative our ex's would implant in their heads to make them feel okay with destroying our families.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 05:00 AM
1

Any advice on how to proceed or what I can do to make her realize this isn’t the right route to take this situation? Yes. STOP TALKING TO HER! She is now your enemy. She is not on your side. She does not give a shit about you. Let you attorney do their job.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 07:14 AM
21

I saw a meme the other day that said something along the lines of: Stop telling fathers they should fight harder for their kids and start asking mothers why they have to fight at all. I'm so tired of the deadbeat dad narrative. I'm so tired of the "men don't communicate" and "don't listen" narrative. Most of the men I know are very good communicators. We are direct and to the point. We listen, analyze, think critically and focus on solutions. We are good at following directions. We're willing to…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 07:16 PM
1

As far as the divorce proceeding goes, I only think kids "complicate" the process when the parents are fighting over custody. I didn't fight her at all. We had the whole parenting plan hammered out in under 3 hours. But, yes, you are correct in that it greatly affects me. I didn't want this divorce. Even though my stbxw was extremely emotionally abusive towards me, I had accepted that I would just be in an unhappy marriage. I intended to stand by my vows and hope for the best. Now I've been kick…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 04:25 PM
4

Yes, mine dropped the "I feel emotionally unsafe with you in the house" a number of times. I'm like ... what are you talking about? You've refused to have a conversation with me for the past 7 years. For the past 7 years you have literally not even asked me something as simple as "How was your day?".
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 04:19 PM
2

That's wild. After 7 years of a 100% dead bedroom (zero physical touch at all), my stbxw said to me "Never having sex again doesn't sound like the worst thing" ... she sure seemed to like her bedroom toys though.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 04:09 PM
1

Can't say the same, unfortunately. My stbxw filed in November 2023. I 100% expected the whole thing to be over by now. She has an extremely wealthy family member paying her legal fees. I knew it would be more or less pointless to fight her too hard on anything because it would just end up bleeding me dry. I haven't contested 1 single thing. We did mediation and got our parenting plan all set (It's not ideal on my end, but, again, she was going to take me to trial if I went for 50/50. Plus, due t…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 03:50 PM
1

My stbxw did the same thing. She moved $32k from our joint savings account into a private account in her name. I was honestly shocked. We actually have a court hearing next week on a Motion to Compel in which she is supposed to provide detailed accounting of what she did with that money. I'm not getting my hopes up that I will see a penny of it (But I at least take some joy in the fact that it will take up a decent amount of her time probably, and stress her out).
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 03:19 PM
1

Sober-link is a wonderful tool. If you can get your judge to order it that would be great. I'm sure it would set your mind at ease a lot. Wishing you the best, by brother. My background is in Child Protective Serivces (25 years) ... so that's where I am coming from, but I am aware that Juvenile Court is much different than Family Court ... so you may be right.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 06:43 PM
1

I'm really not even in the head space to want to meet new people right now. I don't have any female friends (that I hang with anyway), but I do have a small group of guy friends. We hug, and sometimes even tell each other "I love you" ... occasionally with a peck on the check. Some people might say "That's gay" ... but it isn't (and who cares if it was?). Not the same as female touch, though, that's for sure ... even from "just a hug" standpoint.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 04:21 PM
4

I'm pretty sure my stbxw totally killed my libido. She refused to have sex with me for the final 7 years of our marriage (before divorcing me). I almost never think about sex. I never feel "horny". I've been touched exactly 1 time by an adult woman in the past 7 years (and old co-worker I ran into at a youth soccer tournament gave me a hug). It's like she broke me.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 01:23 PM
1

What's the safety concern? Your wife driving intoxicated with your 14-year-old in the vehicle? Can you prove she transports him/her under the influence? You need evidence, dude. Highly doubt a Judge would order mandatory daily breathalyzer tests. That doesn't make sense. Testing prior to a visit would make sense, but that is all. This isn't drug court. They're not going to put her on SoberLink. I get you are concerned. I'm concerned about my wife's mental health (as it pertains to how she treats…
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 09:48 PM
4

Oh, I know, and I will. It's such a pain in the ass right now because our Temporary Orders are for "nesting" ... meaning I have to go to my old house for my parenting time. I only agreed to that because I really didn't think our divorce would take that long (It's now been going on for 13 months) as our only assets are the house and some retirement accounts. Figured it should be pretty straightforward. So, now, even during the time I'm with my kids, it still in the house they live in with their m…
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/24 01:10 AM
8

My biggest issue is that I don't want "see" my kids. I want to be a father to my kids. I only get 3 hours every Tuesday evening (which is basically a joke. I cook, feed them, clean up, and the time is pretty much over). I get an overnight every Thursday, but that's barely any different than my Tuesday, except that I get my youngest ready for bed and then put her to bed, while I tell my 2nd youngest to start getting ready for bed. By the time I have my youngest in bed, it's time for my 2nd younge…
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/24 12:24 AM
4

This would blow my socks off if it happened to me. I also wouldn't believe a single word of it. I spent the last 7 years of my marriage going to individual therapy and marriage counseling, scheduling weekend marriage seminars, trying to connect us with church groups ... everything I could think of to try and reconcile our marriage. She'd attend anything I set up (I guess to make it appear she was trying) but would otherwise completely stonewall me any other time ... I put up with that crap for 7…
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/24 08:57 PM
6

I have no advice for you but know that you aren't alone. Although, I would definitely consider moving back into our family home because I miss all of those things with my kids as well. I get to "see" my kids, but I don't feel like I get to be a father to them anymore because I'm no longer able to be involved in their day to day lives. I don't want to "see" my kids. I want to have a meaningful amount of time with my kids. I didn't fight for 50/50 for a couple of different reasons. Part of me feel…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 11:19 PM
5

My attorney just told me to state something along the lines of "In the possession of the plaintiff" and to just move along and that she will have to provide those documents.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/24 04:08 AM
1

I drive 5 mph under the speed limit ... I'm lame.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 01:14 AM
0

Except I believe this is still considered stealing.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 12:49 AM
1

Was just going to mention a "rage room". This is the way. Or, go to a place where you can fire a couple boxes of ammo down range.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 12:49 AM
4

My 13 year old was diagnosed last October. Things have started to get "easier", but she still often has an "IDGAF" attitude about it which stresses me out when my phone is constantly beeping at me throughout the day that she's at 400. (Or when she just decides to take her DexCom off ... and I'm staring at "no data" for the entire day).
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/24 10:34 PM
3

I was under the assumption that if there is a lien on the house, that would be paid 1st before equity would be divided, and it shouldn't affect the sale of the house. But I could be wrong. You could also be right. I have no idea myself. I just know it would suck to find yourself in foreclosure. I really don't have any good advice. My brain has been in survival mode for the past year ... in which 1 one my kids was diagnosed with T1 diabetes, "the wife" filed for a divorce I didn't see coming, and…
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/24 10:08 PM
1

Maybe I'm not understanding ... So you now have a finalized divorce decree that has been signed by the Judge? You are officially divorced? If neither one of you planned on buying the other out of the family home why didn't you put it up for sale immediately? Is it on the market now? Don't just stop paying your mortgage. Get a second job. Hell, if I was still living in the family home with my STBXW I'd have like 4 jobs just so I didn't have to be there. The 6 months prior to the order is going to…
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/24 09:02 PM
2

Love, love, love "The Wolf of Wall Street". Watch it regularly. Yeah, I'm not going to let it happen again. I'm just so tired of her bullshit. All I want is for the decree to be finalized so I can have closure and fully move on. My kids are great. They love me and I love them. Our time together is great. Their mother is a soul sucking leach ... not just with me but with the kids as well. She will be in for a rude awakening as they age and start to turn against her (Our two oldest are already sta…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 03:25 AM
2

My only leverage is our family home. Obviously I don't have to let her buy me out. I could force it to be sold on the market. She would not be able to afford another home in the same community (Where our kids have grown up their entire lives. Where they go to school. Where all their friends are. The district in which my STBXW herself teaches). That being said, it wouldn't surprise me one bit if her rich family member just turned around and bought her a house in the same community if I forced the…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 02:03 AM
2

She does this every time I visit with the kids. Yesterday is the only time I've ever responded. If anything, I'd say she is the one harassing me.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 01:54 AM
1

Nesting is court ordered for now.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 01:50 AM
2

I wish I could've kept up with my grey-rocking, but I didn't. I take it you overlooked this part of my post. I've been grey-rocking for a year. I messed up last night.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 01:49 AM
3

Did you miss the part where I said I'm already at around $20k in attorney fees? My wife will not agree to 50/50. Going to trial means nothing to her. She doesn't have to pay her attorney fees. She has rich family member paying them for her (I'm talking like 50 million dollars rich). She can, and probably would, bleed me dry if we went to trial over anything. There are zero consequences for her. I need to try and keep a hold of every dollar I can so that I can get my own home when this is all sai…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 01:47 AM
4

I did not leave the home until I was court ordered to do so. There was no rookie error. In my post I clearly stated that I know I fucked up. I've been putting up with these types of accusations every time I have a visit with my kids since it started. Last night I snapped ... for the first time since this start. I will do everything in my power not to do it again.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 01:39 AM
3

As I previously said, this is the first and only time I've responded.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 09:24 PM
2

And if you're BOTH on the Pilot (title/loan) one of you is coming off and will pay the other out (same as the house). I'm not on the title. I saw the Bill of Sale. She magically bought it off some dude I don't know for $1.00 ..... (yes, one dollar).
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 08:50 PM
4

I'm over her. She can fuck right off. I just want this whole thing to be over with.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 08:42 PM
4

I know I fucked up. I don't plan on doing it again. It's just so difficult because I have to have my visits with our kids at "her" house, and I know that no matter what I do I'm going to be getting messages from her bitching about this, that and the other every damn time I'm over there. I just hate that she continues to have that "power" over me. ***EDIT*** So, not an excuse ... but understand I've been getting text messages like this every damn time I'm over there for a year. This is the first …
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 08:30 PM
2

Maybe I should try going to a massage therapist. I was at one of my kids soccer matches about a month ago. I ran into an old co-worker that I had not seen in 12 years. We were close when we worked together (There was definitely a sexual spark, but that boundary didn't get crossed. I was married and she was in an LTR with her future husband). Anyway, the first thing she said to me was "OMG! Give me a hug!". I almost didn't even know what to do (I 100% gave her a hug, but I felt awkward because I …
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/24 10:47 PM
3

The other issue is that "men" nowadays have been taught they need to kowtow to their wife's every wish and demand. They believe in the "Happy wife, happy life" mantra. The problem is that another person's happiness is not your responsibility. You can't force another person to be happy. They have to choose it. You should check out the sub r/daddit ... it is full of a bunch emasculated simps who think they are awesome because they've handed over their balls to their wife.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/24 08:49 PM
2

I was 27 when I got married. She was 25. I wasn't trying to get married before that. Plus, we went away to college in different states about 800 miles apart. We didn't date that whole time. Kept in touch here and there. Would sometimes get together when we were both back in town for holidays or whatever. We had actually sort of lost touch for about two years. I ran into her at a store on Christmas eve while doing some last minute Christmas shopping. When ended up talking in the parking lot for a…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/24 08:41 PM
12

I knew mine for 12 years before getting married. She seemed perfect. Seriously. I thought I had found a top 1% woman. Getting married was the full moon that brought out the werewolf. The fucking metamorphosis was fucking nuts.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/24 04:02 AM
2

I hear you. I have 4 girls, ages 6-15. It's fucking a lot. I'd still rather put up with my wife's bullshit, see my kids every day, and not be kicked out of my house with half my money gone, paying child support.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 03:12 AM
4

I mean, mild depression and ADHD is fairly treatable with therapy and meds. If she just received these diagnoses, give her some time to work on herself. The fact that she sought help in the first place is huge, and the fact that they are continuing to seek treatment is great. I don't quite understand why right now is when you'd decide to pull the plug. Life is hard, dude. Divorce sucks fucking donkey dick. If you have PTO use it. I took off the whole month of July this year and it helped a lot. …
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 02:09 AM
3

Yes, I am constantly telling them that I love them and that I miss being with them every day. One day, when they're old enough, they can read the filings themselves, if they want. I contested my stbxw's Petition for Dissolution and asked for it to be dismissed. Even though I knew it wouldn't be, I wanted it to be very clear that I did not want the divorce, and, if it proceeded, it would lie fully at the feet of their mother. I also used very clear language that, while I did want 50/50 (If the st…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/24 11:28 PM
1

Ah, yes ... Dialectical Urinalysis Rehabilitation theory derived from Dr. Richard Whizzer's thesis first published in 2017 by the Yale Institute of Mental Health.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/24 07:47 AM
3

I know I could get joint physical custody. However, our family home is in an expensive suburb that I will not be able to afford to live in ... or even near. I have 4 children who are very actively involved in school/club volleyball and soccer, horse riding lessons, their local church, etc. My stbxw has a lot of transportation help because it's a tight-knit community and all the kids teammates/friends live close by ... so there's a whole carpool system in place. It would be logistically impossibl…
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/24 11:40 PM
7

The hardest part for me is just not getting to be involved in my kids' lives on a daily basis. I don't even feel like I get to be a father to them. I'm tired of people telling me to "be the best dad you can be". I get 3 hours with them every Tuesday and have an overnight every Thursday, but my oldest 3 are often busy with sports or other activities. Plus, Thursday is a school night, so I want them to get to bed at a reasonable time. Then I have them every other weekend. That's not enough time to…
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/24 09:30 PM
3

My stbxw sure as shit didn't ask me ...
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 12:12 AM
2

Touche ... yeah, I was trying to make a joke.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 09:18 PM
2

I was mostly just attempting to be humorous.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 09:17 PM
-1

I take no issue w/ women participating in this sub so long as they are not being a bitch and are not my ex-wife.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 03:15 AM
1

Avoidant personality mixed with anxiety / depression. He has unaddressed childhood trauma (not a doctor).
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 03:14 AM
6

digital detox weekends Is this when your wife would actually have sex with you rather than play with her toys?
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 02:28 AM
11

Sir, this is a Wendy's. I think you're looking for r/Almost_Divorce_Men Notice, in your post, how many times you used the word "WE". For the vast majority in this sub, there was no "WE". I'm not trying to be a dick, but this post seems to assume that the men in here were just like, "Eh, fuck it. Fuck my wife and fuck my children".
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 02:22 AM
2

I was like Patrick Swayze in the movie "Ghost" for the last 7 years of my 20 year marriage. I was there, but she didn't see me (not the perfect analogy, but was the first that came to my head).
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 02:05 AM
3

Let me ask you something. How did you feel about your "now ex wife" at the time when you had met her "nearly three years ago"?
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/24 12:49 AM
1

I'm selling the house to my stbxw and, more or less, leaving everything except for my tools. I have zero desire to be in that house or look at/use anything we purchased together.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 12:40 AM
8

If couples counseling worked for the men in this sub ... we wouldn't be in this sub.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 12:29 AM
6

The thing is, mine was "the right one" for the 12 years I knew her before I decided to marry her. She was "the right one" for the first two years of our marriage .... then she was an insufferable bitch for the next 18 years of our marriage. That right there is the problem. They are always "the right one" .... until they aren't.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 12:24 AM
5

I will remain cordial with my FiL and MiL. They are the grandparents of my kids after all. They've also been a part of my life for over 30 years. That being said, I don't think I could go to their house for a function. My MiL wrote an Affidavit supporting her daughter (my Stbxw) that was just absolute nonsense and hurt like hell. I have no respect for her now ... and I am not a person who is good being at fake around others. If I don't care for you, you'll probably be able to tell. I will remain…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 11:35 PM
1

It's a savings account that is specifically for college.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 04:59 PM
2

I will never give up on my kids. I love them way too much. I'm just so frustrated with this whole thing. I don't even know why my wife is divorcing me. I played the game the way we were taught to play. Sure, I made a few minor mistakes along the way, but NEVER fucked up in any way that should lead to a divorce. I have a Government job. Sure, I could make more in the private sector, but this point it would be silly to give up the retirement benefits I will be able to get. Maybe I'll go private se…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 07:26 AM
1

I have an attorney. I'm already down a little over $15K ... and that's without really fighting her on anything. She already pretty much stated that, if I go for 50/50 (which I know I would get if the judge had to decide) that she will subpoena half the state for the trial. She will literally and purposefully destroy me financially. Also, like I previously stated, when I do end up with my own place it will be so far away from the kids' community (and all the activities they participate in) that i…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 07:00 AM
2

STBX was not going to agree with 50/50. She has an extremely wealthy family member paying her legal fees. Trying to fight would financially destroy me. Also, I wouldn't be able to handle 50/50 unless I lived in the same community where the family home is ... which I cannot afford. STBX has tons of help, including her parents, in the community to get all of the kids to their different soccer games, volleyball games, youth groups, school plays, horse riding lessons, etc. I won't be able to afford …
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 12:05 AM
1

Well, this is (a little bit of) my story. STBX said she wanted a trial separation. She said she "needed some space to think". We agreed to 4 months. We were going to couples counseling during this time. At month 3 she emailed me and told me she wouldn't be ready for me to return home at our agreed upon date. I foolishly agreed. Fast forward ... the "trial" separation was at 2 1/2 years and she was still claiming she wasn't ready. I said "too bad". I am coming home ... which I did. She filed for …
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 10:25 PM
1

Still doesn't mean you aren't wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 05:14 AM
2

Well, I've only worked in juvenile court for 15 years, so I guess there's a chance you know better than I do.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 04:56 PM
2

I disagree with pretty much everything you've said. You are correct in that OP should contact his attorney rather than discussing it with his Ex.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 07:15 AM
2

Have your son write a hand written letter stating what he wants. He gives you the letter, you give the letter to your attorney, your attorney gives the letter to your EW's attorney. The judge is going to let a 17 year old make up their own mind. Your wife's attorney knows this. If her attorney tries to play hardball, it's a bluff. Then just file the motion and submit your son's letter as evidence. It will pretty much be a done deal. *I am not an attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 07:12 AM
1

it's unfounded...rooted in delusion. For a while, the Clinical Psychologist we were going to for couples counseling was having us pick a topic to discuss at home and video record it so he could watch it. By this time my stbxw had not been speaking to me for about 4 years. So, we had not fought in 4 years. Therefore, everything we were discussing were extremely old topics that we had already gone over ad nauseum. Now, I got in the habit of journaling almost daily in order to keep a record of ever…
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 08:13 PM
9

My stbxw had zero ability to handle conflict maturely. She also created conflict regularly. It could be over literally anything and everything ... no matter how mundane. We've been married for 20 years, and I can't think of a time any of our arguments/fights were about something that was truly important (finances have always been fine, I've always been gainfully employed, bills/mortgage always paid on time, no addiction/gambling problems, no infidelity, no abuse - aside from the emotional abuse …
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 10:27 PM
4

Married 20 years. She filed 10 months ago. I still don't exactly know why. I mean, our marriage sucked for the past 7 years, but that's because she literally just stopped talking to me. We'd get into arguments here and there, never about stuff that was actually important ... she was just always pissed about something (I didn't fold the towels the way she wanted, I took too long to take the kitchen trash out ... even though it was only 3/4 full, I put her shoes away in the wrong closet ... that s…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 02:10 AM
1

Dude, as somebody who has worked in child welfare for over 20 years ... I would not trust this woman with a hamster, let alone my children. If a call was made to CPS I would be telling my attorney to subpoena all of the documentation/records/assessments/ pictures taken of the dirty home of the investigation... like first thing in the morning. Down the road you could subpoena them to testify in court, if needed. ***EDIT*** I would subpoena the her therapist's notes, doctors' notes / kids doctor n…
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 09:04 AM
4

I'm curious what my stbx will do. I'm about 95% sure she will go back to her maiden name. I don't technically care if she keeps my name or changes it. We do have 4 kids, the youngest being 6, who all have my last name. My stbx is a teacher in the district our kids attend and 2 of our kids (the youngest 2) actually attend the school where she teaches. It's probably not something to overly concern myself with but I do worry that it will be weird, especially for the youngest, for their mom to all o…
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 07:59 AM
3

“Mothers stopped teaching their daughters how to be wives”. Not only that, they seem to be encouraging their daughters to divorce. At least it seems that way in my case. I had known my in-laws for 30 years. Never once did they attempt to talk to me about any "concerns" they may of had. My ex-MIL sure was quick to write an affidavit supporting her daughter's petition for full custody of our children. The affidavit was a total joke and nothing but bias. She didn't have the slightest clue what our …
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 07:15 PM
1

STBX filed in November 2023. Divorce not finalized. 20th anniversary would have been this November. 4 kids (6, 10, 13 & 15). I got court-ordered out of the family home in February 2024. I'm currently staying at my parents' house ... well, I guess, now, my mom's house ... my father passed away last Wednesday. This is about a 15 minute drive from the family home, which STBX is going to buy me out. I have been "nesting" since being ordered out of the home ... which I'm getting VERY tired of doing. …
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 07:13 PM
2

Not to be "that guy", but it is Guardian ad Litem ... just so you know.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 09:43 AM
5

I have 4 daughters. This question doesn't make sense to me.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 09:40 AM
1

Vows meant something different to me than they did to her. Same. I can at least say that I fought the good fight. I stood by my convictions and am a man of my word. My stbx pretty much literally ignored me for the past 7 years of our marriage. It wasn't what I wanted, but I had accepted that we would just be "roommates" (and hoped that at some point she might decide to put effort into our marriage). We went through years and years of counseling (but she still would never engage with me at home),…
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 06:28 PM
5

She managed to find a job that she kept, but it was still only part time. This caused me to have to pick up as much overtime as I could at my job to make ends meet. Before her grandmother died, she was earning nearly the same as me, but afterwards it dropped to maybe a quarter. This led too a very unhealthy loop of her complaining that I was prioritizing my job over her. When this happened I would cut back on overtime, causing her to eventually complain about how tight money was getting so I'd g…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 07:42 PM
11

Still going through the process of my first divorce. Married 20 years. This was more or less my thought. There's no way I would put up with the same amount as bullshit as I did in my current marriage. That being said, at this point, I think I'd put up with so little bullshit that getting married a 2nd time won't ever be on the table for me (I also have zero desire to get legally married again).
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 11:43 PM
2

Nobody is perfect. No relationship/marriage is perfect. We all make mistakes. I made plenty of mistakes, but they were just that ... mistakes. I never purposefully did anything knowing it would be hurtful to my stbxw. Life is messy. Part of being married is trying to clean up that mess together. Women seem to have the tendency to, at some point, just decide they will be better off on their own (after they take half your shit). I gave my stbxw no justifiable reason to divorce me. She's a selfish,…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 11:27 PM
4

Well, you most likely have a month or less to respond to her petition (otherwise, whatever it says is considered to be factual and uncontested) ... so, you might want to get to it sooner rather than later. I was served by the Sherriff's office because her attorney is a dick (from speaking with other attorneys it his MO). I'm in the kitchen fixing my sink ... Mofo starts pounding on the door like the damn police (Ope, it IS the police). I answer the door with a foot-long, cast iron monkey wrench …
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 09:29 PM
1

We don't talk. I don't care what she's doing. I've barely spent more than 10 seconds around her just a few times in the past 10 months. I wouldn't even care if she got hit by a car except for the fact that she's my kids' mother.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 03:28 PM
1

We were in couples counseling on a Wednesday (end of October 2023). She said to our therapist, verbatim, "I do not want a divorce. A divorce won't solve any problems, it will just create a new set of problems". Guess what she did the very next Saturday? Hired a divorce attorney (I did not know that at the time). The following Friday she told me she wanted a divorce. I mean, you can't even make this shit up.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 03:17 PM
7

Yup, when we were married, I asked my stbxw "What is it that you need from me? What is it that you want from me?". She looked me dead in the eyes and said, "I don't need anything from you, I don't want anything from you, and I have nothing to give you". Well, I'll be damned ... lol. The last part of that sentence sure is true. Boy howdy, though, you sure seem to want and need a lot of shit from me now.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 06:06 PM
3

It's ridiculous. What really pisses me off is that I'm not even the one that asked for this divorce ... and it's a "no fault". My stbxw has a wealthy family member paying her legal fees. So, while I'm currently out about 15k (and climbing), this whole thing isn't going to cost her a f'ing dime. To me, if you're filing a no-fault divorce, and the other party doesn't agree, the petitioner should be on the hook for all legal fees. Said family member is even going to buy me out of our house for her …
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 05:05 PM
2

Yeah, what's tough is getting the first bill that's going to be more than a "measly" $2,500. My retainer was $5k and that was gone in less than 2 months.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 03:59 PM
2

I still have no interest in another relationship but if/when I am, I’m afraid I won’t trust those attributes in a woman because I went so long without them and won’t believe they’re genuine. I feel this. After the hell my stbxw put me through, I honestly have no idea how I will be able to trust a woman ever again. I think I'm damaged goods at this point.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 03:32 PM
3

I am 99.9% certain my stbxw has an undiagnosed personality disorder (my guess, based on almost 6 years of researching, is OCPD). I have no idea if she's had an affair or not/ has somebody lined up. At this point, I don't think I'd be surprised either way. She is so good at wearing masks and suppressing her feelings/emotions that I have zero idea who she is. I can say that I really don't trust a single word that comes out of her mouth. I was so good to her despite the insane amount of bullshit sh…
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 03:07 PM
11

The Judge probably doesn't believe that you "can't" work. I'd suggest you see a Clinical Psychologist and pay for a full-scale psychological evaluation. If you get a diagnosis and recommendations I highly doubt the Judge will go against a Doctor's orders.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 07:47 PM
1

Well, either way, I'm guessing getting caught lying to a Judge in your state would be a problem. I would gift them to a trusted family member before selling them.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 01:12 AM
3

I said I did not agree that the marriage could not be reconciled. Same ... but I did throw in a little jab "if she would be willing to put forth effort".
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 09:40 PM
6

To be fair, we built the prison when we said, "I do ... until death do us part", and gave ourselves a death sentence. I've been married for 20 years. My stbxw has been an extremely difficult person throughout most of the marriage. I'm fairly certain she has an undiagnosed personality disorder (my belief is Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder). I don't know ... at the end of the day I have peace in knowing that I held up to my end of the bargain. I fought for my marriage tooth and nail. I d…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 05:11 PM
1

Makes sense. Don't get me wrong, my preference would definitely be to have the GPS off.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 04:32 PM
1

One creative (but possibly expensive) option I've heard of is guys bringing their piece to a pawn shop, borrowing against it as collateral, and then just hanging onto the money. They don't actually need the cash, they are just using the pawn shop as a storage facility. As somebody who is friends with a guy who owns 3 pawn shops, this is a creative idea. You no longer technically own the guns, but they can't sell them to anyone unless you miss a payment. Also, you "sold" (pawned) them for pennies…
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 10:02 PM
2

***Not a lawyer*** You're going to need to tread carefully. Assests of value will come out during the discovery process. Now, if you have guns she doesn't know about ... sure, you could cross your fingers and leave them out. However, if it gets contentious and, say, she ends up hiring a forensic accountant ... well, then you're fucked. I'm sure there is shit she wants that you don't care about. Just do some horse-trading. That's my $0.02. Would I say that I have already sold most of them when as…
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 09:47 PM
3

Is there not a feature on the watch to deactivate the GPS? On the one hand, this would bother me as well ... feeling like the Ex is tracking me (Mine was extremely controlling and it's nice to no longer walk on egg shells). On the other hand, my Ex is NOT my wife anymore, so, track me if you want, but, also, fuck you. I don't answer to you anymore. So, with that mindset ... does it really matter?
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 09:30 PM
1

Apparently ... I just have to stand up for guys in marriages like ours because it's truly maddening. I was in this situation for 20 years (stbxw filed Nov. 2023). I don't know that I'll truly ever recover from the damage she did to me to be able to have another relationship ... which I have zero desire for one at this point. I knew her for 12 years before we got married. She seemed to be about as perfect of a woman a person could hope for ... got married, and she went batshit crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 07:31 PM
2

Naw ... she sounds a lot like my stbxw (although I'd bet that mine would out-busybody the shit out his). These sort of marriages might even be worse than the ones in which the wife is an alcoholic, pill-popper, physically abusive, cheating bitch. Which these marriages the husband can at least point to said behavior and say "Look!". A marriage like OP's (and mine), pretty much everyone on the outside looking in thinks the marriage must be great. If it's not, then the husband must be a lazy jack-a…
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 12:04 AM
3

Before I was married, my male friends and I would go this "gay" club. It was 2 levels and had, I believe, 4 different dance floors (with different music). A decent amount of heterosexuals would go to this club. Depending on the dance floor, some were more "gay" than others, if that makes sense. I have never kissed a man or anything else. That being said, I sometimes would go on the dance floor which seemed to be predominately gay males dancing. I'd dance with them. Some over the clothes touching…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 11:46 PM
6

Don't forget to wear your pineapple shirt.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 11:35 PM
1

Mediation is a requirement in my state before the proceeding can go to trial. If your spouse is willing to do it, then I'd say the sooner the better as it can save you on legal fees. Ours was $700 for 1.5 hours. That being said, if you go and it seems like no progress will be made, then just end it and let your attorney fight for you.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 10:18 PM
1

Wow, that seems a bit steep (I am in the Midwest though). My retainer was $5k ... but I'm at around 15K now, so it's sort of 6 on one hand, half-dozen on the other.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 10:15 PM
1

You should be able to find plenty of attorneys willing to give you a free 30 minute consult or do a 60 minute consult at their hourly rate. 10k is on the high side, to me, for a retainer. Are you sure that wasn't a flat fee?
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 10:04 PM
8

Right here with you buddy. Wife treated me like SHIT for the past 7 years. I still didn't want the divorce. She filed last November. Now, even though I never wanted it to come to this, I don't see how there could ever be a path to reconciliation. At this point, I actually fear that she will have some sort of "come to Jesus" moment and say she made a mistake. I don't see how I could ever trust this woman again.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 09:23 PM
3

VEGAS BABY! VEGAS!
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 04:35 AM
2

Pretty sure I'd just "nope out" of this fuckery ...
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/24 04:52 AM
1

I avoid mine like the plague. Open my email with trepidation. lol
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 11:30 PM
7

I doubt it. To me, I really think that the petitioner should be liable for all legal fees when it's a "no fault" divorce. I didn't ask for this divorce. I didn't want this divorce. Hell, I doubt she would've even filed if she knew she would have to cover her own legal fees. It's bullshit.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 08:19 PM
7

I don't have an answer for you ... yet. STBXW filed 10 months ago. My legal fees are pretty similar to yours and, also, it seems like very little has happened. The problem with my situation is that my stbxw has a wealthy family member covering her legal fees. She can literally bleed me dry if I try to fight her on something that is a hill she is willing to die on (or murder me on, really). I, too, am living back with my parents while she and the kids live in the house I bought back in 2006. I ca…
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 08:10 PM
5

... you're attempting to apply logic to a woman. That's illogical.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 12:53 AM
2

I speak with my attorney as little as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 06:21 PM
8

My stbxw: I'm filing for a divorce. My hope is that it will be amicable. Me, 9 months later: $20k in legal fees and haven't contested a single thing. Moral of the story is that you might as well lawyer up before you wife does (She will).
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 05:49 PM
4

I've known my STBXW's family for 32 years. I thought we were all extremely close. Her family was more of a family to me than my own. My STBXW filed for divorce ... the MIL wrote a freaking 7 page affidavit, more or less saying I'm a shitty person and her daughter should have full joint & legal custody (She has no idea how her daughter treated me throughout our marriage and only saw what she wanted to see). My STBXW's grandmother passed away 2 weeks ago. 32 years of my life with this family and m…
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 05:00 PM
3

I'm still attempting to figure out my role in the divorce. I'm sure I had one, but I can't really see it. I don't think my STBWX would be capable of having a fulfilling, non-combative relationship with anyone.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 07:30 PM
1

You don't say ...
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 01:32 PM
1

The reason she stopped talking to me for good was because I stopped engaging in her crazy-making arguments. I refused to fight with her because she had no interest in seeing things any other way than her own. There's no point to engage in a conversation that you know will only lead to name-calling and yelling. So, I decided I was just going to nope out of the game. That drove her nuts because then she had to face her own behaviors without any ability to justify them based on a response I gave he…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 09:21 PM
2

I am aware of that. I've been in child welfare for over 20 years. That's still the Federal guideline (not saying there aren't plenty of loop-holes that get used). If the dad isn't deemed unsafe, then he should be filing a "Sloan O" petition immediately. I can almost guarantee I know more about this topic than you do.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 09:14 PM
5

My stbxw's grandmother passed away last week at the age of 99. I knew that woman for 32 years (How long I've know the entire family). My stbxw's mother texted me a link to her obituary. Now, on the one hand, I get it. We will soon (I hope) be divorced. However, currently, we are still married. It was wild to me, after 32 years, reading that obituary and my name was nowhere to be found. Again, I do get it, I guess, but, man, 32 years and I am just erased from existence. I didn't attend the funera…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 08:19 PM
7

My stbxw is the one that filed. I'm sad about it because I miss being in the family home with our kids everyday ... just being there for the mundane. I feel like I am missing out on so much now and really don't even feel like I get to be a dad to them now. On the other hand, my stbxw turned into an absolutely horrible person (just towards me). I had pretty much completely detached myself from the idea of having a fulfilling marriage. I didn't like that, but I had accepted it. I was willing to do…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 08:01 PM
3

I really can't even see myself getting into another serious relationship with a woman. I really can't see sharing a living space, full-time, with a woman again. There's just too much risk. ***EDIT*** ... and that sucks. I wanted to grow old with my person (Well, not the version of the person she became). It's crazy to me that I will spend the next 30? years alone.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 07:49 PM
3

Divorce is expensive. I'm 9 months into the proceedings, nowhere close to having a finalized decree and am already at $14k in legal fees. That's quite a bit for me, but pennies compared to what I've seen others in this sub report. I've been court-ordered out of my home. I am "lucky" that my parents are close by and I can stay with them while all of this gets worked out. It would be a lot more difficult for me if I had to pay rent for an apartment right now. I have my kids 2x during the week and …
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 07:44 PM
3

My goodness ... I can't even imagine still being in the same house. Shit ... I have like $5,000 worth of insane camping gear. I'd set up in the back yard and be golden.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 10:05 PM
2

If the mother is deemed unsafe, the very first option for placement is going to be the father.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 08:03 PM
1

they will be able to help Mommy stop hurting you and your sister. No, do not say that. Just tell her to tell the truth because telling the truth is important.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 08:02 PM
3

Tell her you love her and mommy loves her, but she needs to be honest. Do not coach her. (I've worked in child welfare for over 20 years). You're not going to be allowed to be in the room while the interview is taking place.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 07:57 PM
7

I'm going to say this as nicely as humanly possible. I have no idea what the fuck is happening in their brains when they do this shit.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 07:18 PM
8

Mine would get home from her morning run and leave her shoes in the middle of the kitchen floor. Now, this didn't technically bother me aside from the fact that I would think to myself, "Can you even imagine the wrath of hell that would be struck down upon you if you did this same thing?". One day, I put them away in our coat closet off of the kitchen. The next day I got yelled at because "I had to look all over the house for 15 minutes to find my running shoes to go on my run!!! MY RUNNING SHOE…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 07:13 PM
9

Yup, stbxw text me ... "Are you going to do X?". I respond, "No, I can't". She responds, "Why not?" In the past this would have practically sent me into panic, worrying that my reason would not me her requirements. Now ... I don't even answer back. Why not? I'm sorry, but that's none of your business now.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 07:03 PM
10

But my error was way more serious: I did not put the paper towel holder thingy back in exactly the spot on the counter she commanded. I cleaned up the entire kitchen after dinner. All the pots, pans, plates dishes, etc. Swept the floor. Washed down all of the counter tops, including the stove top. Apparently, "THE TEA KETTLE GOES ON THE BACK RIGHT BURNER!". Silly me for putting it on the back left burner. I'm not looking for praise and adulation for doing my part around the home, but you sure as…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 06:59 PM
8

A wife was berating her husband outside their very expensive RV for not folding the dish towels exactly as she said they should be folded. She was also upset that the towels he did fold correctly were not clean enough and therefore, "putting dirty towels with clean towels doesn't make the dirty towels clean!" Holy shit! My STBXW told me she was going to Indianapolis for 3 weeks ...
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 06:50 PM
2

Godspeed, my brother. I wouldn't say anything to her unless it's about the kids and only through email. Otherwise, let your attorney deal with her ass.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 01:56 AM
2

I mean, that may or may not be true. I was speaking about what I do for a job, which has very little to do with family law.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 01:45 AM
1

I am not an attorney, but I interact with them on, almost, a daily basis. I know plenty of attorneys that are daft as fuck.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 01:39 AM
2

I'm sorry you are going through this. False allegations are the lowest of low, in my opinion. It's good you have legal representation. Honestly, I think the GAL is good. She will time spend talking with your daughter and getting to the truth.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 12:56 AM
5

Ultimately what I am getting at is that if she claims this happened a while ago, and/or multiple times and she knew about it, but did nothing (i.e. call child protective services) then she could, potentially, get your daughter removed from her care for neglect. Now, I realize you're saying this didn't happen and I have no reason not to believe you. I'm just saying that her lies could come back to bite her in the ass. Also, in cases of alleged sexual abuse there will be a forensic interview. Even…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 12:45 AM
7

When does she allege this sexual abuse occurred?
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 12:26 AM
1

Thank you for your reply. Each kid only participates in one activity, which their mom and I have always encouraged (Not just encouraged but have said they need to be involved in something ... they can choose what that is - 3 of them play soccer and the other plays volleyball). The oldest plays High School soccer (and is also on a club team), and the 2nd oldest plays volleyball for the Middle School. So, that's not anything I can reorganize. Their mom is very involved in everything. The schedule …
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 05:58 PM
3

This was my stbxw. For 6 years she said she wanted our relationship to get better but, outside of just going to therapy (for her own validation), she did nothing to actually try to make our marriage better. She seemed to think we should be able to talk our way into a better marriage (1 hour, every other week).
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 05:01 PM
4

My gripe is that because she was constantly busy "getting stuff done" that everyone on the outside was constantly telling her how amazing she is. "I just don't know how you do it!" "I wish I could cook healthy meals like you do!" "I wish I could work out every morning like you do!" "It's SO NICE that you visit your grandmother 3-4x per week!" "I can't believe that you read 2-3 entire books per month!" "I have no idea how you manage everything you do!" I'm like, well, you pretty much just act lik…
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 12:27 PM
4

This is similar to my experience. Pretty much everything else was a priority to her over me/us. * I have to make 2 loaves of homemade sourdough bread for the 3rd time this week. * I have to make 10 bottles of homemade kombucha. * I have to read my book (usually in the tub) for the monthly book club. * I have to go to bed at 9:00 pm so I can wake up at 4:30 am to work out. * I'm going to finish my Master's degree. * I'm going to visit my grandmother in her nursing home for the 3-4 time this week.…
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 12:04 PM
2

"My lawyer can't give me a straight answer either. PLEASE HELP, I need sleep". The literal last sentence of the post.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 11:08 AM
2

My problem is that my stbxw has a rich uncle paying for all of her legal fees.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 05:28 PM
2

Married in November 2004. Wife filed in November 2023. Divorce has yet to be finalized. I'm 47.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 02:37 AM
9

This is, more or less, how I felt it every single couples counseling session I attended. Much of the time I felt that the therapist was treating me the exact same way my wife did that caused us to be in therapy in the first place.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 10:39 PM
1

Oh, that's right ... they all kind of sound the same to me (I do like Phil Collins though).
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 08:54 PM
1

The CS will go to the state, bud.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 09:09 PM
2

It's impossible for me to listen to that song now without seeing the deer go down the kiddie slide.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 03:37 PM
3

"I guess I’m still kind of stuck in a place just not understanding why". Same. I didn't even have a good marriage. Like, a lot of people talk about "the good times". Sure, we had some, but they were so few that I can hardly remember them. She was practically impossible to get along with, no matter how hard I tried. I loved her though. I did my absolute best. At the end of the day, that just wasn't good enough for her and after 20 years she filed for a divorce. She can't even really give me a sol…
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 03:37 PM
3

This is more or less what I've decided to do. My kids love their mom, of course, but she is ridiculously controlling, demanding, and a perfectionist. At some point I think the kids will be begging for more time with just me.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 07:41 PM
6

What really filled me with righteous indignation was reading the Affidavit my stbxmil wrote on behalf of my stbxw in support of her having 100% custody of our kids. It's amazing how blind people can be to the truth. It was probably 5-6 pages long. My response was around 15. I made sure she received a copy.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 06:58 PM
3

I'm conflicted on this. My stbxw 100% checked out of our marriage in December 2017. She gave me the whole "I want this to work out" song and dance for the next 7 years but put no effort into making that true other than going to couples counseling (which is a joke if you have no plan on actually changing your behavior at home). Part of me is mad at myself that I let her waste the past 7 years of my life. On the other hand, that was another 7 years that I did get to be involved in my children's li…
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 09:44 PM
2

Yeah, so when my wife told me she was filing for a divorce I asked her if she'd met with an attorney. She said, "Yes". I then asked, "So, you've given them a retainer?". She said, "No, he works on a flat fee. I gave him $4,000 (My retainer was $5k) and he said that will cover things unless we were to go to trial". That sounds/ed crazy to me. I'm not an attorney, but I interreact with attorneys pretty much every day in my job (which I've been doing for over 20 years). So, anyway, I haven't contes…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 04:06 AM
7

It's so hard to comprehend ... she is such a kind, gracious, thoughtful person to EVERYONE ... except with me ... just non-stop criticism, everything has to be perfect, no matter what I did it wasn't good enough. It's so fucking hard to be married to somebody that every other person in the world thinks is one of the most amazing people they've ever met, yet she treats you with nothing but disdain and contempt. I have no desire to "find love" ever again. She completely destroyed my ability to tru…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 05:17 AM
3

No doubt.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 05:13 AM
0

I just hate the clutter. Why TF am I getting downvoted for a personal preference? To me, keeping old text messages isn't any different than if I still had boxes full of reports I wrote from college ... shit, I threw my Senior thesis away as soon as it was handed back to me. Why the fuck would I need it?
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 05:12 AM
6

About 3 months into the divorce process ... by accident. I've always taken my ring off when I cook and often wouldn't put it back on until the next morning. Looked for the ring for a few days, but never found it. There was no point in replacing it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 02:35 AM
17

Unfortunately, it's the other way around for me. My stbxw has always been very active. She is thin and toned and takes great care of herself. I used to be the same way, but she fucked me up mentally. Rejected me for many, many years. Covid/WFH hit, rejection led to drinking (me in the basement watching movies after everyone went to bed) ... next thing I knew I was like, fuck, I've put on 50 lbs. She told me "the thought of having sex with you repulses me" (I don't blame her) ... however, there w…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 02:21 AM
1

Yes, thank you. My wife filed last November. She hadn't spoken to me or touched me for the 5 years prior to that, so, while in a way it was a surprise, it wasn't truly "crushing" or "out of left field". I just had no intention of filing for my own reasons. I got court ordered out of the family home in February 2024. I just put my head down, focused on worked, tried to make some plans for the future (difficult with so much still up in the air), and tried to be the best dad I could be when I was w…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 01:58 AM
-6

I've already said this, but I delete almost all of my text every night before bed. Why in the world do they need to be saved?
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 01:00 AM
-9

I mean, I've always deleted pretty much all my texts every day each night before bed. I hate having all the "clutter".
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 12:57 AM
2

I'm here with you, brother. Seeing the name of my attorney in my inbox always puts me at Defcon 5.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 04:21 AM
3

You've met my wife, I see.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 04:09 AM
2

Also, I appreciate your punctuation.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 06:38 AM
2

Question/s, if I may. My stbx is using a flat fee attorney (even though her $50+ million dollar uncle is paying her way ... Let's say I hire a team of attorneys and start getting all litigious (yeah, yeah, frivolous, I know) ... how does that change things on your end? I mean, you say "flat fee", but at some point you're "doing the math", right?
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 06:11 AM
4

Yup ... therapists and lawyers (and MF'ing chiropractors) have a conflict of interest with their client right out the gate. They make money by dragging shit out. ***EDIT*** I've worked very closely with therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists and attorneys for about 25 years. I've read 10's of thousands of pages of psychological evaluations, psychiatric evaluations, behavioral risk assessments, sexual risk assessments, neuropsychic evals, parenting assessments, FSIQ assessments, etc., and proba…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 01:53 AM
2

... Nor have BS conversations about a toaster oven with the stbx.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 01:47 AM
1

Yeah, but it doesn't make a lot of sense to spend 15K on a hearing for 3k (subtracting from the 18). Also, what she did with it was upgrade the first floor of our house and then start finishing the basement .... which she plans on buying me out of the house, so that's nice for her. I'm being told "Well, that will increase your 1/2 of equity you receive" .... not by 18 grand, I doubt. ***EDIT*** she did all of this remodeling with even mentioning a peep to me about it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 01:41 AM
1

Actually, if it had been gifted to her and deposited straight into a personal account, it could technically matter. Just sayin'.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 01:40 AM
1

It was mostly from all of that Covid money that we didn't actually need (we have 4 minor children).
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 01:38 AM
2

My wife transferred $36k from our joint savings account into a private one she opened before she filed. I'm basically being told I am S.O.L.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 09:14 PM
2

To me, it's not what the furniture is "worth" to somebody else, but what the replacement cost is to you. I assume your furniture is in good to great condition. I mean, who really wants to be sitting on somebody's else's used Lazy-boy and sofa/couch, or sleeping in somebody else's bed? Sure, some things are fine to purchased used such as a dining room table (and maybe the chairs). I wouldn't even want to purchase a dishwasher, fridge, washing/drying machine used because you have no idea how well …
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 09:09 PM
2

This
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 08:45 PM
2

I'm fairly certain mine will. She always had, in my opinion, a really strange attachment to her maiden name ... it was super odd. I personally don't care what she does, but we have 4 minor children together with my last name and I just don't want them to be confused by it. She's also a teacher at the same school 2 of our children attend ... so, if she does change it back, our kids will always be hearing "Ms. [maiden name]" since that is customary in elementary school (Its "whatever" to me, but I…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 12:52 AM
1

I will provide one (of probably thousands ... seriously ... married 20 years) example of how things would regularly go down with my stbxw (she filed in November 2023). Forgive me ... it's a bit lengthy. From the time we purchased our house in 2006 until our daughter, [redacted], was born in 2009, I did all of the lawn care. I enjoyed doing the lawn care. Our lawn, in my opinion, was the best-looking lawn in our neighborhood. Then, around 2010, [stbwx] insisted that I start using organic products…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/24 10:48 PM
2

While this is true, I don't think a lot of women realize that until after they are married. Even then, it seems like they still have the idealistic view of marriage floating around in their head. Essentially, they want things their way, but don't want to "have to make all the decisions" (except when you make a decision they don't like ... which seems to be more often than not). I truly believe that most women really don't know what they want and are, therefore, in this constant state of conflict…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/24 08:27 PM
10

" ... everyone told me her lawyer is very nasty and will try to get under my skin in dirty way". So, ask yourself "why?". Remember, this dude couldn't give a shit about your stbx. It is not personal. Your plan is to elicit the exact response her lawyer wants? In situations like these ... always "start with the 'why"". I mean, dude, if I could, I'd walk my happy ass right into my stbx lawyer's office and throat punch him. He's a cocky dick. That's his game though. He wants me to do something stup…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 04:28 AM
12

"I'm doing amazing. I recently went on a few dates with this drop-dead gorgeous Persian gal. Last night, we had the most amazing sex I've ever had in my life. How are you doing?"
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 02:18 AM
3

I 100% agree. This "plan" is a fairy tale. *** EDIT *** OP, I would highly suggest you consult with a few other attorneys and ask them their thoughts on this proposal.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 02:11 AM
5

It sucks man. A lot. I'm sorry. However, that is straight up the reality of the situation.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 11:14 PM
10

... when she has another man's cock in her vagina. "Oh, oh, oh ... my gawd ... yes, yes, yes, YES! .... FUCK ME BRAD! HARDER! HARDER! CUM. INSIDE. ME!!!!!! Oh shit, oh shit, I'm cumming ... I'm FUCKING CUMMING!!!!!!!!! FASTER BRAD! HARDER BRAD! I WANT YOU IN MY ASS, BRAD!!!"
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 11:05 PM
1

It's not like OP just quit his job. He was laid off. It's not like OP hasn't been trying to be an earner. OP sort of got forced out of his industry, but instead of giving up decided to start his own business. So, yes, his wife should be loving him and supporting him as he does his best to financially support her. To me, this is one of the big issues with marriage these days. You are supposed to be a singular unit working together ... in good times and bad. Your struggles are my struggles. My str…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 10:39 PM
2

I feel this brother. I, too, am unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I think that is the most difficult thing for me. I have no idea how to plan for the future when I don't know what my future is going to look like ... and that scares the shit out of me. We are 8 months into the process. Things seem like they're at a stand-still and I don't even know why. I, too, am extremely frustrated with my stbxw for how this whole thing has gone down. For starters, last October we were at a mar…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 10:08 PM
5

Right, and I agree. I think more so what the dude was getting at was the wife's lack of self-awareness ... as in, she has a lot of nerve to be acting that way because she isn't anything special. No woman should act that way, but many of them think their sh*t doesn't stink because they're an 8+ ... a 4, on the other hand, should "check herself" (I'm not saying that I agree with any of this line of thinking).
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 09:06 PM
4

I don't disagree. I'm just saying that a 2 is more likely to get kicked to the curb a lot faster than an 8 in most cases. I think that was essentially what the person was getting at who you originally responded to.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 08:59 PM
3

Something that always sticks out to me in stores is when the wife is a good 5 yards in front of her husband and is then talking over her shoulder to him. Like, b*tch, you know you could actually just slow TF down and walk WITH your husband while you talk to him, right? Maybe it's just because I'm sensitive to this, but it practically seems like the norm. My stbxw was always in such a damn hurry ... like the store was going to be closing in 5 minutes even though it was 7:30 in the morning. We'd g…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 08:53 PM
8

Would it be "ok"? No. That being said, the first thought that came to my mind was "I don't get paid enough for this shit". People quit jobs that are demanding when they don't feel like they are compensated enough. However, triple the pay and a person may decide the job is worth it. If you're an 8, why put up with a 2's BS when you can get the same BS from an another 8?
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 08:43 PM
3

My stbxw didn't touch me, not even by accident ... b/c she wouldn't get that close, for 7 years. She filed. Not me. Say what you will. I'm a man of my word.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 02:51 AM
26

I'm sorry, but the irony here is ridiculous. Paraphrasing: "If you don't make more money, we're going to separate" ... and then I'll have even less money. Bro, she is not a loving and supportive wife.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 12:12 AM
0

I get it. I regularly get subpoenaed to testify as an expert witness for my line of work in which what I say can have life-long, serious consequences for the parties involved. Meanwhile, my stbxw doesn't think I'm smart enough to decide how toasted my own piece of bread should be.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/24 02:25 AM
3

Yeah ... my stbxw told the kids "We are getting divorced". I said to her, "WE are not getting divorced. YOU are divorcing me". Then, she turns around and is adamant that she will not agree to 50/50 and wants me to have 1 overnight per week and every other weekend (Even though I'm a perfectly safe person who has never been violent towards her or the kids ... or anyone else for that matter). I can only imagine what she would tell the kids if they were to ask her why they don't get to see me as muc…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 06:04 PM
8

This comment right here is what makes living with a person like his stbxw so maddening. Yes, as singular events they do appear trivial from the outside looking in. However, this behavior is often constant throughout the day, over the course of a week, and month after month. It wears you down. Meanwhile, everyone around you thinks you're "hyper-sensitive" and constantly overreacting (because they only see a singular event and not the totality of the relationship dynamic). It's the "death by a tho…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 03:22 PM
1

I could drink coffee, but, god forbid if there was a single coffee ground on the counter after grinding my beans because then I would hear "You got coffee grounds ALL OVER the counter". I would literally have to have her point them out to me to even know what she was talking about (Mind you, I would always wipe down the counter with a wet rag after I was done because I didn't want to get yelled at about it. It's not like I was just a slob and didn't care). Also, god forbid if one drop of coffee …
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 02:46 PM
4

This was me as well. I never knew what might set her off. I've been yelled at for "using the wrong butter". I'd clean the entire kitchen after dinner ... scrub the counter tops, sweep and mop the floor, wipe down the oven top ... Not one bit of appreciation ... instead, she yelled at me "You put the tea kettle on the wrong burner!" (I had no idea there was a specific burner in which the tea kettle should be placed). Getting blamed for misplacing her phone charger (I refused to EVER use her stuff…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 08:57 PM
3

Just to let you know, OP, this is pretty much the situation I was in. I decided I was going to "fight to good fight" for the sake of our 4 kids, and because it didn't seem financially viable (although, my stbxw has been public school teacher for over 20 years). My stbxw didn't talk to me or touch me for 7 years. Then, one Friday night, she came down to the basement (pretty much where I lived) and told me she would be filing for divorce the upcoming Monday. Now, this was an extra 7 years that I d…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 08:42 PM
2

Is her name on the loan for the rental property? If so, more than likely you'll need to refinance to get her name off. So, no more 4% loan.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 11:28 PM
1

So, somebody breaks into my house (that I'm court ordered not to be in) and proceeds to rape and behead my 4 daughters, kidnap my stbxw and tortures her until she provides all of our banking information, which he proceeds to steal ... then burns the house down. How should I prepare for that?
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 04:27 AM
5

I can stamp a guarantee on a box of shit. All you'll have is a guaranteed box of shit.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 07:14 PM
13

Just curious ... have you tried really pursuing her lately? As in, if you were to get a divorce, the way you'd pursue new tail. She's probably just as bored as you are (If not more so). It's great that you're taking such good care of yourself ... my stbxw did the same ... and I felt like that was more important to her than spending time with me. Just a thought. I say this because most guys here, including myself, will tell you that divorce is an absolute nightmare and if you can avoid it, you sh…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 06:32 PM
3

I didn't interpret it that way at all. Go get your boat, dude (hopefully it's a bass boat lol)!
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 06:27 PM
4

Ahhh ... the ol' LL4U.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 06:17 PM
4

How young are you? I grew up with cars that didn't even come with A/C, and .... our house didn't have central cooling. It regularly gets over 100 degrees during the summer where I grew up.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 02:38 AM
7

I got it done for free at my bank.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 02:22 AM
1

Well, she has my house and I'm living at my parents' ... No, I don't. Not my style. Her ... I have no idea.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 02:09 AM
2

I really couldn't tell you a single thing about what has been going on with her the past 7 years. She literally has not spoken to me ... at all (except about the kids). I know, in that time, she has completed her Master's Degree (rather than put effort into trying to fix our marriage). I know that she filed for divorce in November 2023. That's really about it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 05:46 PM
3

That already has started to happen with one of her friends (Although, they have "made up" ... for now). However, that friend now clearly sees what I have been talking about. But my real worry is that the kids start receiving the brunt of her disdain.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 03:20 PM
3

... but are you a wonderful human being if you, more or less, terrorize you husband and then break up your family for no actual reason? The annoying part is that nobody could ever think she treated me the way she did because of how "wonderful" she is. There's no way the divorce could be her fault whatsoever ... she's too wonderful.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 01:33 PM
1

I mean, she just stopped interacting with me across the board. We haven't even had a conversation (unless it was something about the kids) since 2017. She's a nutjob.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 01:30 PM
4

I'm only 7 months into the process. There are way too many unknowns for me at this point not to be anxious. I am a planner, but I have no ability to plan for the unknown. Until then, I really won't be able to be happy (and who knows if I will be able to at that point?).
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 05:54 PM
1

My stbxw hasn't had sex with me since sometime in 2017 ...
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 05:48 PM
3

I'm only 7 months into the process, barely anything has happened other than getting temporary orders, and I'm already around 10k ... and that's before I get my next bill which will include all the fees for going through my stbxw's Discovery (which never should have been filed in the first place because we both know exactly what our finances look like). I want to give up because it just seems like a fool's errand. My stbxw is getting all her legal fees paid for by a very wealthy family member. Sh…
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 05:39 PM
7

That's the thing. Love is an action. Not trying to get "preachy", but to use an example I assume most people have heard. The Bible says to "Love your neighbor as yourself". This is often said to be "The greatest Commandment". It's not about how you feel, it's about what you do ... DESPITE how you feel.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 05:17 PM
3

Sounds a lot like my story brother. Hang in there!
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 05:11 PM
12

I (M47) have been married to my stbxw (F45) for just under 20 years and we've knew each other another, I don't know, 14 years before that ... started dating in high school, went our separate ways, mostly, during college (different states pretty far away). I've never been in a serious relationship with another woman. We have 4 children together (all minors). I have no idea how I feel. She started totally ignoring me in January 2018. She refused to spend time with me at all. She wouldn't talk to m…
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 04:43 PM
4

Same man ... didn't expect this to be how I spend the last chapters of my life. No family Christmas ... blah, blah, blah. No taking the grandkids on grandparent vacations ... yadda, yadda, yadda ... fuck.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 12:57 AM
2

You're not wrong, but there is some truth to it. My stbxw just filed in November 2023. I am 48. It would be nice to have an extra 10 years or so to rebuild. That's not really even opinion. Would you rather lose everything at 35 or at 50?
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 08:41 PM
13

I'm struggling as well. Logically, it makes no sense. This woman destroyed me (and continues to do so). She criticized me relentlessly. Nothing I did was ever good enough. She refused to find happiness in her daily life which was quite good. We should have had a happy life together. There was no reason we could not have. She just chose to be perpetually miserable ... and make it difficult for me to not also be miserable. All that to say, I was going to "fight the good fight". I was going to hono…
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 08:28 PM
2

That sucks, my man. I'd be livid if I got ordered to pay her fees when I know that one of her uncles (worth around 50 million) is paying her way. See, and that's what I'm afraid of ... I don't know that she cares if we go to trial or not (Based on a couple of comments, I don't think she does). I'm trying to be very reasonable. I have yet to contest anything ... but, yeah, the last thing I want is to pay for a trial, but, for her, it doesn't matter. Thankfully, she's not a vindictive person ... j…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 01:43 PM
1

You're not wrong. The problem is that she isn't paying for any of it. I have no idea what she has spent, but I'm around $11k ... I'm going to start losing my patience real soon.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 01:26 PM
1

... yeah, and leave my WFH Gov't. job? I don't think so.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 01:40 AM
3

That would have been my preference. My STBX, on a Wednesday, said she didn't want a divorce while we were in a marriage counseling session. 5 days later she told me she met with an attorney and filed.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 03:54 PM
3

I also have 4 kids.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 03:52 PM
2

I use Siri to leave myself notes regarding thoughts I'm having, but, no, I do not want to sit and listen to myself ramble.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 03:21 AM
1

No, you could not have ... she will not settle and does not have to. She has a blank check from a wealthy family member. She also has her Master's Degree. She is a far cry from "really dumb".
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 03:17 AM
2

"just stay together" ... and now I have Al Green in my head. Think I'll put the record on!
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 11:28 PM
1

She was for quite a while, but has been working fulltime for the past 5 years.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 11:24 PM
1

Man, I sorry brother. I don't even know what to say. This shit isn't right ... I do know that.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 11:16 PM
2

Nice, dude! That's awesome. I'm a Gov't. employee for a State agency (So, a very structured pay-scale). I like what I do, and it offers a ton of flexibility with great benefits. My hope is to "retire" with the state (I'd be 57 when this can happen). Then I could potentially look into doing something else.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 07:04 PM
9

"(at a level which, in my experience, a lot of men just don’t naturally have - most of us weren’t taught those skills)". You know, us men have heard this for time eternal. It has been engrained into us. I'm greatly questioning the validity of this anymore. In my line of work I have to have very difficult conversations about very difficult topics often with the people directly involved in the situation. It requires many different sorts of communication skills ... and I'm pretty damn good at it. H…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 06:53 PM
7

I do have an attorney. Our divorce hasn't been finalized yet. Hopefully this gets worked out before the final decree. I'm currently staying at my parents' house. STBX is going to buy me out of the house in which there is approximately $250k equity. One of our kids was in the hospital a little while back and ended up getting diagnosed with T1 Diabetes. So, that's creating a lot of extra expense currently. I was irritated when I posted this because the STBX is always randomly sending me expenses a…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 06:00 PM
0

You gave it to her as a gift BEFORE you were married. It's hers. You can ask, but the fact remains that it is hers. Besides, it's not worth $3k anymore. At most, somebody might give $500 for it. One of my best friends for the last 30 years owns a couple of pawn shops. Some of the slimiest people you'll ever meet ... lol.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 05:13 AM
14

From what I've seen on this sub, the book has helped a lot of guys. That's good. For me, Glover makes WAY too many assumptions and states them as absolutes/facts. Not everyone has mommy/daddy issues. The book is zero help, whatsoever, if you were unlucky enough to marry somebody who, come to find out, has a fucking cluster B personality disorder. From my perspective, he has no fucking idea what "nuance" is.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 05:00 AM
3

Bruh ... it's "residentially challenged". Sheeeeeeeesh! (Can you tell I have teenagers?)
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 04:00 AM
2

"Watch the World Burn" by Falling in Reverse
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 08:42 PM
2

We only have our preliminary orders right now. I agreed to 1 evening per week (5-8:00 pm), 1 overnight per week (5pm - 8am), and every other weekend (Friday 5pm - Sunday 5pm). I'd prefer more time, but I don't have my own place yet (and not sure when I'll be able to get it) so I've been doing the "nesting" thing (which I'm getting very tired of). My stbx is not going to agree to 50/50. Going to trial doesn't matter to her because she has rich family paying her legal fees. I'm sure I could get 50…
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 08:25 PM
1

Mine opened a private savings account and then moved $32k from our joint savings account into it. Discovery revealed that there is only about $1.5k left in her private savings account and I've pretty much been told I'll never see a dime of that money. ***EDIT*** This was before she filed for divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 08:29 PM
4

I'm just saying ... I knew my STBXW for 8 years before I married "the woman of my dreams". You've known this chick for 3 months.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 02:21 AM
8

I'm pissed that she has the gall to throw away a 25 year relationship and break up the family home of our four children who are all still minors for reasons that I don't even understand. I don't even think she understands why she filed for divorce other than "feelings". There have been no major events during our marriage (affair, addiction, abuse, financial instability, etc.). I was never going to file for divorce, for a variety of reasons, even though I was absolutely miserable. When she told m…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 10:09 PM
8

Dude, 99% of us married "the woman of our dreams" when we said "I do". Then they ripped our hearts out and rammed them up our ass.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 09:57 PM
3

"Your words of "I can fix me. I can't fix her" really really resonate with me. They're all I have left now. I can see everything in me that was wrong, and I'm willing to fix and change all of that. But I can't make him want to try". ... and that's the bitch of it all. I commend you for trying, it's all you can do. Like you pointed out earlier, I am now at a place where I know that I did everything I knew how to do to attempt to reconcile. I tried my best. That's all I can do. Hell, that's what I…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 05:12 AM
3

We attended years and years ... and years of therapy, with multiple professionals. I've written pages upon pages of letters and emails expressing my hurt to her and what I would have liked to see change. Somehow, to her, I was always the problem. I wish that was the case. I wish I could see how I was the problem. I can fix me. I can't fix her. That is her choice, and I can't make it for her.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 01:20 AM
8

My stbxw filed after 19 years of marriage (We're still going through the process of divorce). I wasn't perfect, but I thought I was a good husband ... as good of a husband as she'd let me be anyway. She is incredibly controlling. She is highly critical. It just often felt like it was her goal in life to be upset with me about something ... anything. Her go-to was to simply stonewall me. This could go on for months. Sometimes I didn't even know what she was upset about. Sometimes, what she was up…
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/24 05:24 PM
4

I don't have much experience here, but I highly doubt it. I can't imagine any self-respecting attorney would negotiate their rate. What I'm saying is that if you want a reputable attorney, I don't think it would be wise to try to negotiate. That being said, all reputable attorneys were once associates. Less expensive, good representation is out there. However, from my perspective, you really want to hire an attorney that opposing counsel would really rather not go to trial against. So, at the en…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/24 02:52 AM
3

You're not wrong ... but, neither am I.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/24 03:45 PM
3

... and then destroyed their family.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/24 09:09 PM
4

If one of my kids came to me and said they were wanting to get their mom a present that was, say, $80, but all they had was $60. Sure, I'd help them out ... help THEM out. Their mother can GFH.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/24 09:07 PM
6

Four letter word ... starts with "F" Fish
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/24 07:57 AM
1

No worries. Thank you. So, a few reasons. Now, by no means am I saying these reasons makes sense, are logical ... fill in the blank. That being said, these are my reasons. So, I suspect my wife has an undiagnosed personality disorder. Namely, Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD). This is vastly different from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). I'm not going to get into the ins and outs because it would be a lot. Short version of OCPD ... they are perfectionists. People on the outsi…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/24 07:39 AM
2

You could just ask some questions if you want. You know nothing about my situation nor my reasoning.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/24 12:17 AM
1

Don't think I have advice ... my situation is kind of the opposite. Got treated like shit for at least 15 years, but I was never going to file for multiple reasons. She filed (I was kind of relieved). Now she's been dragging her feet in the proceeding and it's pissing me off. I definitely fear that she will have a change of heart. It would be hard for me, but there's no going back for me at this point. I'd maybe be willing to try "dating" her again ... after the divorce is finalized.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/24 08:48 PM
1

If you want to talk to me, can you just come over man?
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 05:45 PM
3

"obviously a counselor is going to see the reality of someone's behavior." Most of us here would probably say otherwise.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 01:23 PM
1

Valerian Root (anxiety), Ashwagandha (Stress), Vitamin D, Magnesium.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 11:46 PM
3

Has there been a hearing for the TRO yet? You have the right to state your case to the Judge. Her affidavit should be public record that you can obtain from the court house (probably on-line) for a small fee. Based on your post, I'm going to assume there hasn't been any police contact for DV or anything. If there has been, then get the police report/s. She can't just make up a bunch of BS (I mean, she can, but she needs to be able to prove it). I don't know ... something seems like it's missing …
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 08:27 PM
5

This is going to sound odd, but I don't really blame social media. Caveat, I'm really not sure what kind of social media my STBX is on. I "know" she doesn't use Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, TikTok, whatever else there may be (unless she has throwaway accounts) ... I do know that she has an IG account, but I'm not sure how much she is on it (I know she hasn't posted anything in years, but there is indication that she's on it ... I'm not an IG user, so I don't know if it's something people communica…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 08:16 PM
5

Take pictures of everything she is doing (or set up cameras if it isn't against the law in your state), and then ask the Judge that you be granted sole occupancy of the family home.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 01:01 AM
1

Waiting cost me nothing ... it's just annoying.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 08:21 PM
1

The thing you seem to be missing is that I never asked for advice. This was the main point of my post: "I know it would be nothing more than speculation, but any idea why I still haven't received the Discovery 35 days past the due date? All I can think of is: A) My STBX hasn't given it to her attorney (This would be surprising to me because she is a very task-oriented, regimented, list-making/crossing off, etc. individual. She also does what she is told by people she views as being in a position…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 08:14 PM
1

I've considered doing this. My issue, however, is that the threat of trial means nothing to my STBX because she isn't the one paying her legal fees. I, on the other hand, am footing my own bill and will run out of money sooner than later.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 06:26 PM
1

At least in my situation, the whole thing just seems like a money-grab (by the attorneys). Our finances are about as uncomplicated as could possibly be. STBX and I both know exactly how much money there is and what assets we have. We have no debt except for the $85k left on our mortgage. Yet I still ended up submitting around 150 pages of discovery ... all of which my wife had access to without going through discovery. It's nonsense.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 06:22 PM
1

You're argumentative. You think in black & white, and you overly simplify things. I didn't come here looking for answers. I came her looking for other people's perspectives.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 06:17 PM
1

Pardon me for having integrity. I don't control what the STBX does. Just because I haven't told you my plan doesn't mean I don't have one. At the end of the day, I'm fully ready to watch the world burn.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 02:36 AM
4

You gotta do what's best for you, brother. Perspective ... I got married at 28, now getting divorced at 48. That feels like a lifetime ago. You'll rebound like a champ.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 08:27 PM
6

3 grand? Geez, that is only half of my retainer ... which was burned through within the first couple of months. I'm now in month 6 and there is still no light at the end of the tunnel. CONGRATS!
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 07:50 PM
2

I left it as well ... but that was after my wife filed for divorce. At that point, I didn't really see it as a "dead bedroom" anymore. There was officially no chance in hell we were going to have sex again (although the 6 years prior to her filing with zero sex was a pretty good indication in and of itself).
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 07:10 PM
1

What I'm saying is that my deadline was a week before my STBX. Mine was submitted when it was due. So, no, he is not right.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 06:57 PM
-1

That's not how deadlines work smart guy.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 07:19 AM
1

Yes, it's renewable, but I only have access to that which I have access. The money tree in my back yard has wilted roots and stopped producing.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 01:35 AM
1

"It may sound strange, but heading to trial is the quickest and cheapest way to get a contested divorce finalized". I understand this concept, and it would be true if my wife was fronting the bill. She is not. Going to trial means nothing to her. It will only hurt me. I only have "X" amount of money available to me. I'm willing to spend all that I can ... but eventually I will run out of money ... and she will still have her uncle "making it rain". This is not as cut and dry as you seem to want …
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/24 08:42 PM
1

This is her maternal uncle. Her immediate family isn't loaded.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/24 08:04 PM
2

I hear ya, but here's my thing. My STBX is an elementary school teacher and I am a Gov't. Social Worker. We both have set salaries (no bonuses or anything like that). Our pay (that is more or less equal) got deposited into our joint checking account our entire marriage that we both, obviously, had access to. We have zero debt aside from what's left of the principle on our mortgage. Then we have our retirement accounts, a ROTH IRA, and I have an old 401(k) that I've never gotten around to rolling…
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/24 06:48 PM
3

I have 4 kids. I feel the same way about my Freshman daughter, but I remember when I was that age ... I was just out having fun with my friends. She's plays on the HS soccer team & is constantly busy with training, practice, games and team activities. It is sad, but, really, it's normal. I'm fairly certain she'd be doing the exact same thing, divorce or not.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 08:31 AM
4

You want to read about people getting a free pass for having an affair you should go check out the /deadbedrooms sub.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 02:34 AM
8

You have stated a number of times something along the lines of "I would rather SHE sell it". As of right now, the home still belongs to you as well. You don't have to accept her terms. You can, in fact, force it to be sold on the open market. Our family home is pretty much the only leverage I have in my divorce proceeding. My stbx wants to buy me out. I proposed that we hire an appraiser together, but her attorney insisted that they will be getting their own ... "and if you don't like that, then…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 12:17 AM
2

Mine was "Even the thought of having sex with you is repulsive".
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 05:26 PM
1

... okay.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 03:48 PM
1

Not a lawyer, but I'd assume you'd have to file your own petition.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 11:10 PM
2

Yes, I think that book is a joke.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 10:54 PM
1

Is her name not on the loan? If it is, I would assume that she would want to take it off for a few reasons. A) She would still be liable for the payments in the event you stopped paying/couldn't pay/died. B) It would potentially make it more difficult for her to get approved for her own mortgage. I guess I don't see the relevance in whether or not she willingly moved out of the home.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 05:48 PM
2

I wish my wife understood this. I still don't understand why she is divorcing me.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 04:13 PM
2

Gotta be honest, in that situation I'd have a hard time not "hate-f*cking" her one last time ... mostly due to the fact that my stbx has refused any/all physical touch with me for the past 7 years. I should probably get a motorcycle.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 05:47 PM
2

Because I am in the business of attempting to be well-rounded I thought I'd mention that this was a great comment.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 05:32 PM
1

Won't you have to refinance as well in order to get her name off of the loan/title? (which would make that argument moot)
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 05:19 PM
1

Unfortunately (not really, she loves it), one of our kids is involved in equestrian. What you listed is right in line with our agreement. My stbx is also responsible for the first $250 of the deductible for each of our 4 kids before I start paying half. I will look into OFW. Thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 05:01 PM
1

My divorce, as of now, isn't "high conflict" (although I haven't really contested anything), but this is pissing me off as well simply because I have no idea how much it's going to be. My stbx is regularly sending me text messages with pictures of receipts and whatnot being like "You owe me half for this". I have no issue paying for my kids expenses, but it just seems like it's going to be impossible to budget for this. I'd love to hear ideas on how to make this more stream-lined. Sidenote: Our …
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 07:53 AM
5

I couldn't stand that book, personally. Maybe I just wasn't in the right head-space at the time. The first few chapters set a tone that I found ridiculous and really couldn't move past as I continued reading it. Perhaps I'll revisit it. ***EDIT*** I also just don't think it's relevant if your spouse/stbx/Ex has a cluster b/c personality disorder.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 06:51 AM
1

I appreciate that you are active here and it is clear to me that your intention is to be helpful. So, thank you for that. I'm just offering my perspective on how you can sometimes come across ... at least from my perspective. Take it into consideration, or don't. It's fine. Maybe it's just me, but, again, it's comments like this "Yeah I do make alot of assumptions because I've been doing it for six years and it's all the same" that are problematic. I've been doing the same work for 25 years. Whi…
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 06:37 AM
1

"My replies are repetitive because men here are all dealing with the same problems". My issue with this statement is that you don't seem to recognize nuance. It's like saying a person managing their diet due to high cholesterol has the same problem as somebody managing their diet due to Type 1 diabetes. Yes, they are both watching their sugar intake, but it is not "the same problem". You make a lot of assumptions in your posts and paint with a very broad brush.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/24 10:43 PM
2

I've been trying to abstain from commenting on your posts for a while. You are so repetitive and sound like such a robot. Your tone is that of a deaf person. I read your posts without even looking at your username and know it is you.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 09:00 PM
3

Yeah, I'll have dreams in which we're laying in bed ... just joking around and being playful. Not even sexual, just enjoying being next to one another ... then I wake up. Thankfully it doesn't hang over me very long, but there is that brief moment of sadness for what could have been.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 08:53 PM
1

lol
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 02:13 AM
2

Well, then, that wouldn't rise to what would be considered physical abuse ... unless the spanking left a bruise that lasted over 24 hours.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/24 11:53 PM
1

Please refer to my previous post.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/24 11:52 PM
2

Ex-CPS case worker here ... if she hit your children you really should have called the abuse/neglect hotline on her. An investigation would have been opened and a forensic interview would have been done. This might sound petty, but, in actuality, it shows you are being a protective parent. By not calling, it makes you an accessory, basically. It sends the message that you are willing to cover for your wife's physical abuse of your children rather than put their safety first (Say if they told a t…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/24 08:08 PM
1

I wish my stbx understood this.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/24 07:48 PM
1

I'm going to take Mark Twain's advice here.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/24 07:15 PM
2

Oh, trust me, I hear you. My stbxw literally did not acknowledge my existence for the past 6 1/2 years (I can honestly not tell you what has been going on in her life for over the past 1/2 decade. No dates. No sex. No conversations. Nothing.). However, she insisted that we go to church as a family every week. She prayed at meal time every evening and said prayers with the kids each night at bedtime. All of her friends and family thinks she's a super-Christian. We'd sit next to each other in chur…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 10:42 PM
3

I know this isn't the point you're making, but Jesus is referenced by historians from that time, not just in the Bible. Whether or not Jesus is the son of God is a different conversation. Regardless, if it's your weekend, it's your weekend. Thus far, my stbxw and I have at least been able to amicably accommodate changes to our parenting time schedule on the few occasions a request has been made.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 09:37 PM
2

Yes, my stbxw told our marriage counselor she would attempt to spend some time with me. Later that week she said, "Well, I guess I need to spend some time with you". She then sat down on the complete opposite end of the couch and folded laundry for 1/2 hour while she watched an episode of "Friends". As soon as the show was over she got up and went into another room. ***EDIT*** Yet, still, our dumbass marriage counselor never put any of the onus on her. I was "hyper-sensitive" and "didn't communi…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 06:41 PM
3

" I (70 + M) experienced only a distant wife who made herself busy with others, never "on my side", but always warmly supporting the others, never a loving word, from her criticism or silence, never cuddling and closeness, never a touch with a warm hand but lots of anger and blaming in an atmosphere of only brisk busyness. But in the eyes of others a Mother Theresa". Holy crap, this is verbatim my stbxw ... all the way down to everyone else believing she is Mother Theresa (I use that exact expla…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 03:10 PM
6

It's only been 6 month since my wife filed. As it stands right now, I can't see ever being in a relationship again. I also have 4 kids, which are my priority. Even if I did want another relationship, I have a lot of work to do on myself before I would have the confidence to put myself back out there. My stbxw hardcore stone-walled me for the last 6 1/2 years ... basically acted as though I didn't even exist. That's a lot of feelings of rejection coming from the person who told you they would lov…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 02:55 PM
1

It was. She is supposed to provide a detailed account of what has happened to it, but I have yet to receive that.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 05:12 PM
3

I'm operating with the consideration of coming out of this with enough money to afford a home large enough that will allow my kids to live with me when I have them.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 05:05 AM
1

6 months ... lol. I submitted bank statements from the past 5 years when I replied to her Dissolution of Marriage Petition.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 05:01 AM
1

First of all, learn to shut the fuck up. Telling your wife your game plan is like the WW2 posters of "Loose lips sink ships". If it's not about the day to day caregiving of your children, then you maintain radio silence. What are you talking about? I haven't said shit to my wife. Learn how to fucking read.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 04:55 AM
3

Don't get me wrong ... I do not view her as anything else but my adversary at this point, even if I do sometimes refer to her as my wife. I am not one of these sniveling bitches in this sub hoping she comes back. If she did, I would tell her to fuck right off.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 04:54 AM
2

No, not yet ... I don't know ... that's what's pissing me off.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 04:46 AM
2

(unless you're already being ordered to pay directly). Yes, our Temporary Orders state that I need to pay her directly with 15 days of her providing me with the receipts of said expenditures (my wife has always kept meticulous records of everything).
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 09:03 PM
2

I hired an attorney as soon as my wife told me that she did (before I even got served). My attorney is no slouch, I just think I may have sent her the wrong message at the beginning. Now, this may not be a lot on the coasts, but I'm paying her $400 p/h.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 08:58 PM
1

If you're on the title you can get a key made.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 08:54 PM
1

She won't talk to me at all (I assume per the advice of her attorney). This is all fine and dandy for her because she isn't footing her legal fees. From my perspective, there's little reason we wouldn't be able to sit down and figure the lion's share of this out ourselves. However, she insist that everything goes through her attorney (I don't think she is doing this to be a bitch. She's very naive and always defers to "the expert", no matter the situation). So, I have to pay my attorney for ever…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 08:22 PM
1

Yes, we have Temporary Orders.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 08:07 PM
1

Yes, I definitely plan on doing something when my divorce is finalized. I'm not sure what yet. I'm a big baseball fan, but have been to very few ball parks. I've always thought it would be cool to fly into Seattle, rent a car, and then hit up the Mariners, A's (if they're still in Oakland), Giants, Dodgers, Angels, and Padres. That could be difficult logistically to be in each city when there is a home game. I'm also considering a trip to Mexico City or maybe Ho Chi Mihn City (not sure I could h…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 07:59 PM
1

Doesn't really sound like she has the funds to hire an attorney and go scorched earth. Although I'm sure whatever attorney she hires will ask the Judge to order that you pay her legal fees (I have no idea what the grounds are in order for this to be ordered).
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 07:52 PM
2

Semantics ...and, technically speaking, she still is my wife legally. After 19 years, some habits are hard to break. Geez. You make no mention of the use of "stbxw" ... which literally states that this person is still your wife. It's just a different way of saying it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 07:26 PM
1

If you have specific questions I can expound. I was trying to keep it short because I have a tendency to write excessively long posts if I don't keep it in check.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/24 06:08 PM
5

No advice, but I feel the same way. My wife filed 6 months ago. She has wealthy family members paying all her legal fees so she can contact her attorney 100x per day if she wants to. My legal fees are all on my dime. I simply can not afford to go up against her. I have yet to contest anything, but she just continues to play games. Her attorney's Request for Discovery was 18 pages long ... our only real asset is our home, and our home is our only debt. As my Stbxw and I are both public employees …
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/24 09:43 PM
2

I am currently doing the nesting thing based on our temporary orders. Stbxw plans to buy me out. It's been mostly fine, but I honestly can't wait for it to be over. Nothing even close to major has happened (same thing in my marriage though and here I am), but it's just a bunch of different little things that annoy me. At the end of the day, I just want to spend time with my kids in MY PLACE so I don't even have to remotely consider anything taking place that may send their mother into some sort …
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/24 08:31 PM
2

She was 39 and 6 months pregnant when she stopped speaking to me ...
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 08:30 PM
6

My wife stopped talking to me in December 2017. No affair, physical abuse, addiction, financial struggles, etc. Said we needed marriage counseling or we needed to separate. I said I would go. She would talk a good game in therapy about how she wanted a better marriage, but, unless we were in therapy, she would totally ignore me. She wouldn't talk to me, engage with me, spend time with me, show any affection whatsoever towards me. She kept saying she didn't want to get a divorce. She kept saying …
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 07:08 PM
1

Yeah, and to be honest, the neighborhood I most likely end up in, I probably wouldn't want them to be friends with anyone around there anyway (I grew up in a rougher neighborhood and hung out with all types of hoodlums).
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 05:20 PM
1

You're being way too literal. Try putting up with that type of behavior day after day for 19 years and then tell me it isn't nuts.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 05:11 PM
4

My wife most certainly has a cluster B or C personality disorder. My wife has screamed at me for "using the wrong butter", for "putting the tea pot on the wrong burner", for "putting her shoes away in the wrong closet" (even though she was the one that left them lying in the middle of the kitchen floor). I had 4 loads of the kids' laundry folded (separated into piles by the kid), I had ONE (1) piece of clothing in the wrong pile ... my wife knocked the pile over and yelled at me "IF YOU'RE NOT G…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 08:59 AM
3

I'm 48 (soon), and haven't had sex since I was 40. I hear what you're saying, but I wouldn't mind a little poon.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 01:18 AM
5

Not mine. She's soon to be available. You have my blessing to give it a go. She's very in shape and cute.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 01:16 AM
14

If we're being all idealistic, I'd have preferred that my wife just wasn't a psycho.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 12:53 AM
2

I hear you. I'm currently living at my parents' house & doing the "nesting" thing. My wife is going to buy me out of our home (technically her rich uncle is going to). I'm glad the kids will be able to stay in the only home they've ever known, which is in a small community (expensive) on the outskirts of a city with a population around 1 million. I will not be able to afford to buy anything there, and, realistically, will probably not be able to afford anything within a 30 minute drive from ther…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 11:42 PM
10

I'm still married (divorce in process) and haven't been laid since 2017.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 11:28 PM
4

I'm only 5 months into our proceedings. That being said, living with my wife for the past 19 years destroyed me in many ways. I don't know if it is covert narc, BPD, OCPD, or some mixture of them (she doesn't have a diagnosis). I see no logical path in which I would be able to trust a woman enough again to get into a serious relationship ... maybe I'll be able to find a companion at some point, but I will be very up front with her about my experience and my expectations. The rub would be being a…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 11:27 PM
2

I can't tell you how many times I've said to her, "I seriously don't even know what we are arguing about at this point!".
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 08:26 PM
2

I want to "down vote" this in the sense that, yes, it feels planned out. I hear what you're saying. 2 years ago my stbxw remodeled the entire first floor of our home without discussing it with me. Last year she hired a crew to start finishing our basement ... again, without discussing it with me. Right before she filed, November 2023, she opened a private savings account and moved all of our money that was in our joint savings account into her private account (I rarely checked that account becau…
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 10:36 PM
3

It feels like a concerted effort on all fronts. Land, Air and Water attack ... there's no escaping.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 10:26 PM
1

It's much more than LL4U. She hasn't spoken to me (aside from kids logistics) or spent time with me (aside from kids events) since that time, too. It's like she just woke up on January 1, 2018, and just decided she didn't want to be married anymore (while still saying that she wanted us to work it out ... not even sure what it was that we needed to work out). ​ ***EDIT*** I would add that, before 2018, we had a fairly healthy sex life. It ebbed and flowed like any married couple who both worked …
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 10:20 PM
8

My wife has refused to have sex with me since sometime in December 2017. She swears up and down that she hasn't had an affair (I would never do that. When would I even have the time do to that? You have no idea what you're talking about). I have zero proof of anything ... just some situations that seemed odd and things that didn't really add up. I'm curious to see how quickly a new man "enters the chat" once our divorce is finalized.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 07:43 PM
14

Yes ... pretty much every disagreement we had. She spoke in absolutes (Always, Never, All the time, etc.). She turned things into circular arguments that had no way of being resolved. She would tell me what my feelings were (You are so mad! Even though I was speaking calmly and being still). She used "whataboutism" to change the topic and make things about what I did wrong. She would be very sarcastic. She would mock my body language. She rarely apologized. I felt like she knew that if she poked…
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 07:18 PM
1

This is good perspective. Thanks for the post.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 03:13 AM
3

I may find my way back to "the church" at some point. For now, I just can't. Going to church every week, sitting next to my wife as she lifted her hands up praising God, praying over people ... and then coming home and her just turning into a monster. Yeah, no. I had to stop going because I just couldn't take it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 03:04 AM
5

The mental gymnastics are amazing. I was a devoted husband. I did my best to be supportive. I came home every day right after work. Was present throughout the evening. Always did the dinner time clean-up (because she got home from work a few hours earlier than me, so did the cooking). Played with the kids. Folded the laundry. Helped with bath/bedtime. We had no debt aside from the principle on our mortgage (no credit cards, vehicles paid off, college loans paid off, etc.). Yet, she was just alwa…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 02:59 AM
6

She was posting bible verses and inspirational quotes about how hard this time was on her. My STBXW has this stuff all over the house, along with multiple devotionals laying around. It irritates me and makes me laugh at the same time. You were the exact opposite of a "Godly wife", but now you're going to "Trust God. Sleep Well". Whatever. lol
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 06:41 PM
1

I have no idea if this is a thing when it comes to serving a Motion for Dissolution of Marriage. That being said, in child welfare, when you can't locate a parent in order to serve them, you run a publication in the local paper of their last known address for 3 consecutive weeks stating that they need to appear to "X" courtroom on "X" day at "X" time. This is considered the equivalent to serving them the papers. Perhaps reach out to a South African Consulate here in the United States. Perhaps th…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 04:54 AM
5

My marriage died 6 years ago. However, for me, divorce was not an option (for multiple reasons). I never thought my stbx would file (for multiple reasons). Foolishly, I guess, I woke up each morning with the hope that maybe today would be the day that my wife would remember why she married me, why she had 4 children with me, why a functional family unit is what our children needed more than anything ... I only knew this was no longer a possibility when she said the words "I'm filing for a divorc…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 09:06 PM
1

Yeah ... it sucks. My phone identifies my house (where the stbx and kids live) as "work". Sort of funny, but not really.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 05:07 PM
2

I don't have an answer for you, but I feel your pain. I just got done responding to my wife's request for discovery and production of documents. It was so ridiculous. Every penny I ever earned during our marriage was direct deposited into our joint checking or savings account. Hard copies of 401(k) and Roth IRA deposits were mailed to our home every month. She knows exactly what our finances are. She has a family member paying her legal fees. I'm guessing it's going to cost me at least 5 grand t…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 07:10 AM
1

Around 9:00 pm this evening (well, yesterday evening, technically) I was on the computer at my desk ... started fading in and out ... thought to myself, nice ... I'll go to bed and get some good sleep. In bed a little before 10:00 pm ... bam! Wide awake. I think I may have fallen a sleep for a little bit a few times, who knows (I think I was having some disturbing dreams). Anyway, now it's 1:30 am and I'm back at my computer desk wide awake. What I wouldn't do for a week's worth of consistent 8 …
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 06:35 AM
2

I'll switch it from "Office Space" to "Clerks" ... In a row?
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 06:30 AM
2

Yep ... I have 4 girls. I was 32 y/o when I had my first one and 41 y/o when I had my last one. My wife just filed Nov. 2023. It's only the Temporary Order (but is most likely going to stay in place), but I have every other weekend and 1 overnight per week. I'm a good dad. I have no "issues" that would prevent me from 50/50. I just can't financially afford to go to trial over custody. ***Edit*** My oldest is about to turn 16. My hope is that, once I get my own house (wife is going to buy me out …
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 06:26 AM
4

I'm still in the thick of it with my first divorce. Married 19 years. Wife filed in November 2023. I'm trying to contest as little as possible because A) Now that she has filed, I just want to be done with her and start trying to move forward, B) I really don't want it to turn nasty (we have four children together who are minors between 6-15 years old, and C) I don't have the money to fight her if we went to trial. ​ It is difficult to see myself getting married again for a few reasons. A) I kne…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 02:16 AM
3

hahahaha ... I was 100% expecting a "Suits" reference. You didn't disappoint. I do love "Suits", but I've also had a thousand drinks with 100's of attorneys over the past 20 years. I love them and I hate them.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 05:13 AM
4

My guy ... it's a tough pill to swallow, but believe her. My wife didn't speak to me or have sex with me for 6 years before finally filing for divorce. A number of years ago, I pleaded with her "Please, babe, tell me what you want from me. Tell me what you need from me". Her response: "I don't want you. I don't need you and I have nothing to give you". Like a dumbass, I hoped and prayed she'd have a change of heart. I wasted almost 7 damn years of my life (age 41 through 48) ... no relationship.…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 05:06 AM
2

Only if you're a dumbass and let them. That's the problem though ... way too many people seem to think that the attorney they hire actually gives a shit about them. They do not. Any honest attorney will tell you ... you're not paying me to care, you're not paying me for an predicted outcome ... they only thing you are paying me for is my time. ​ I think women, especially, think their attorney gives a shit about them. The whole system is ass-backwards and, in my opinion, the attorney/client relat…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 03:39 AM
5

I mean, honestly, it is your stbx who is the joke. Mediation works for a lot of people. Her attorney ... works for her. This falls on nobody but her.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 03:36 AM
3

One of my biggest issues is that I've been sleeping like crap. I know it's all intertwined ... diet, sleep & exercise. I'm either wide awake at 10:00 pm and then just lay in bed until I can't take it anymore (like 2:00 am), or fall immediately asleep at 10:00 pm, but then wake up at like 2:00 am. Either way, I'm always freaking exhausted. I also just need my own place at this point. I was ordered out of my house on 02/01/24 and have been at my parents (which, is where I've pretty much been for t…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 07:03 PM
5

Nothing is more lonely than being with a woman that scorns her man ...
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/24 08:39 PM
18

Problem is, you described my wife for the 8 years I knew her prior to getting married. She'd shoot pool, go bowling, throw darts, go fishing, stay up late watching movies or just shooting the shit over a bottle of wine, go for 2 hour drives in the country (and maybe pullover somewhere on a gravel road for a little action) ... got married ... bitch went crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/24 08:34 PM
19

I have zero interest in another relationship. I've never been one to have casual sex. Dang, though, I've been in a 100% dead bedroom for 7 years and just miss that feeling of closeness. Oh, well, there's always fishing. The crappie are starting to bite pretty good.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/24 08:29 PM
2

She'll probably find a way to soak up a few more hundred dollars. ​ ... email sent / reply received.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 09:59 PM
0

Dude ... this has been my marriage exactly. It's just complete lunacy. You should look up something called "Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder". I'm 99.999% convinced this is my wife's undiagnosed mental health disorder.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 04:13 AM
1

It's the world I live in. I can almost guarantee that 99.999% of men would have divorced my wife 15 years ago, at a minimum (we've been married for 19 years). Being married to my wife has been a nightmare. Most will probably call me a "simp" (I'm still not entirely sure what that means), a pushover, a pussy ... whatever. Me ... I made a vow. A promise. If I'm not a man of my word, then what am I? I was her "ride or die" ... she threw me away for reasons I don't even pretend to be able to underst…
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 04:02 AM
5

Dude ... counter-file. Submit your affidavit w/ discovery (receipts of her alcohol purchases). Ask that she be put on the Soberlink (basically a breathalizer you have to carry around with you at all times and if it beeps you have to blow ... her attorney will probably motion that you pay for it ... if she's the alcoholic you think/say she is ... fork that money over baby). Don't lay against the ropes ... get on your fucking feet, start dancing, and throw some fucking body-blows ​ Also, you said …
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 09:39 AM
3

So ... you want to be "Dexter". Don't worry my guy ... mum's the word. ​ In all seriousness ... Yeah, I absolutely cannot see myself cohabitating ... I mean, fuck that. Why? I just don't see the point of it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 09:22 AM
12

Radical acceptance my brother. It hurts ... trust me, I know. At the end of the day ... I'll just make a lame ass movie quote: Shawshank Redemption - "Get busy living, or get busy dying". She played her fucking hand. You can't trump it. You were fucked on the flop. Thought you had a chance on the Turn .... then went all in on the River ... she stole your fucking life-jacket, hit you over the head with the ore ... and then dropped Aces over Kings, Full House. And you just lost your entire fucking…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 08:16 AM
8

Stop spinning your wheels and freaking out. Take some deep fucking breaths. Count your losses with this attorney. Would you seriously want this pussy to continue to represent you? Fuck him. NOW ... go hire yourself a fucking bulldog. Somebody that will set your mind at ease. Somebody who will fucking handle business. It ain't hard bro. Go hire yourself an assassin (figuratively speaking, of course).
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 08:03 AM
2

With all due respect ... this does not apply to a woman with a cluster B/C personality disorder. Your advice just doesn't work with them ... in fact, it makes it 100x worse.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 09:43 AM
5

Yes ... I'm cool with her siblings and, honestly, I like her parents ... but, she never cut the cord .... and they will drop anything/everything to jump to her calling. My stbx would always take their opinion over mine (that's not their fault ... although, if it were me in their shoes I think I'd be saying "this is a discussion you need to have with your spouse) ... but, yeah, I think it's was one of a few big contributors to the eventual demise of our marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 09:40 AM
2

The complaint you received will tell you how long you have to respond, and, yes, you need to respond. After that a date will be set for a preliminary hearing. I dragged things out for as long as I could prior to getting our temporary orders just so I could stay in my house as long as possible with my kids and not start paying child support. Now that the Temp orders are in place my goal is to fast track everything and get this finalized as quickly as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 03:29 AM
1

Yup ... pretty much.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 01:47 AM
2

Doesn't matter either way. It's moot. My wife has always been easily influenced by people she perceives as "an expert". Just sucks because it was so unnecessary.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 01:32 AM
1

Yes, we are nesting (I go there). I do not like it. For example ... one of my overnights is Tuesday from 5:00 PM to Wednesday at 8:00 AM. So, I leave work (I work from "home" ... currently staying at my parents until I get the equity from our home) at 4:30 PM. I have to haul all the groceries over with me for dinner. ​ Walk in the house and immediately start getting dinner ready (my kids are use to eating between 5-3:30 PM) ... It has to be something I can put together pretty quickly, but they a…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 10:02 PM
1

Figure out how much equity you had in the home prior to marriage. I don't believe she would be entitled to that.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 09:35 PM
1

Yeah, my bad, I meant "on the mortgage" rather than "deed". I'm no expert ... heck, less than a novice, but it sounds like you should be okay. Although, couldn't she still claim the home was hers? Not sure of the process to remove her name from the deed.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 09:33 PM
2

Does your wife know how seriously you are considering filing for divorce? In general, I'd say it doesn't really matter who files first, but, in my case, it was kind of impactful. My wife and I were in a couples sessions. Our therapist brought up divorce. My wife responded, "I don't want a divorce. A divorce won't solve our problems. It will on create a new set of problems". So, there I was thinking that we were actually trying to work on our marriage. 3 days after she said that she went and hire…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 09:21 PM
2

Is her name on the deed of the home as well? If so, you'll most likely need to refinance in order to get her name off. Have you only ever purchased a home while married? If so, it's my understanding that you are considered a first-time homebuyer after the divorce is finalized. The significance of this is that I've been told you can use money from your retirement account/s for a home purchase without the early withdraw tax hit.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 08:56 PM
8

From a financial standpoint she will not recover *Insert Tiger King*
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 03:19 AM
1

I'm a dues-paying, unionized, state employee ... I need to contact my rep and see what's available to me. I'm really struggling to put in 40 hours of quality work each week while still not having had to process what's happened to my marriage, and manage all the legal things going on ... plus just all the little things ... opening my own bank account, getting my own car insurance ... all those little things that I really haven't had to think about in 20 years.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 08:58 AM
14

How her mother treats her father, especially in front of others. This has been her example and what she has learned is acceptable. ​ Next for me would be how she treats: waiters/waitresses, grocery store clerks, strangers who maybe did something that could be considered rude, etc. Then, does she hold herself accountable. Does she admit when she is wrong without throwing a fit about it. Lastly, is she okay with things being "good enough" rather than "perfect"?
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 11:12 PM
9

my stbx is a psychopath ... there is not a man on earth who could be in a partnership with her. My biggest mistake was thinking that I could make her happy. Nope. That's not another person's job. Individuals choose their own happiness. In my wife's case, she just chooses to be an unhappy, salty, grumpy, cunt.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 09:10 AM
11

Let's see ... according to my wife: ... I folded the laundry wrong. ... I took too long cleaning up the kitchen after dinner. ... I used the wrong butter (yes, you read that correctly and there is a story behind it). ... I put the tea pot on the wrong burner (Yes, you read that correctly). __ I put my wife's shoes away in the wrong closet when she was the one that left them out in the middle of the kitchen floor. ... I misplaced her iPhone charger (I didn't ... I had my initials on mine and only…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 08:52 AM
2

You seem like you've led an interesting life. Some might say I have as well ... but I just feel like I've turned into a jaded, grumpy, old bastard ....
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 08:31 AM
1

Great advice ... especially when it comes to Judges, lol.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 08:27 AM
1

We are small ... under the radar. 27 total employees for our entire state. We try to stay quiet.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 08:24 AM
1

So you provide ethical and procedural oversight? Yes, this is pretty much spot on.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 08:18 AM
2

When it comes to the Judges ... it's really more about just monitoring court timeliness on their respective dockets. I would never (maybe not NEVER, but it would require very special circumstance) tell a Judge their business ... I need those relationships (know what I mean?).
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 08:13 AM
1

I'm in a rather precarious position in that I am employed by an independent state agency that provides oversight to our juvenile court system. So, while I am not an attorney, I answer to nobody (top of the food chain) but our Governor. I, essentially, tell our CA's, PD's, GALs, and, yes, Judges, what they should or should not be doing ... I'm guessing you can understand how well that goes over. Not saying it's the same as passing the Bar ... but I've spent over 20 years in juvenile law.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 08:01 AM
2

Well, my wife and I were in a couples counseling session ... end of Oct./beginning of Nov. 2023. Therapist brought up divorce. My wife stated, verbatim, "I don't want to get a divorce because that won't solve our problems, it will only create a different set of problems". Three days later, without me knowing, she met with and hired an attorney. She filed the next week. So, at that point, I had no choice, really, but to "lawyer up". I was highly irritated that she did this without talking to me f…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 08:52 PM
3

Anything for a fellow refried bean lover, lol. ​ ***EDIT*** I would also say that "the better" way would be to grind/smash your beans, rather than blend ... just my preference, but I prefer a bit of texture to my beans ... but that's just me. Do as you see fit.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 12:40 AM
7

I feel this hard. It's the little things they took away from us, one at a time, that made us forget who we are. You should make home made refried beans. Buy your dried beans and then just let them soak for 2-3 days. Blend, season them to your taste, heat in a double boiler. It's delicious.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 11:19 PM
2

Same. I've been married 19 years. My stbx was so terribly emotionally abusive to me throughout our marriage. I just got stuck. I was so determined to "make it work". If I just do more, if I just love harder, if I just sacrifice more ... I can do this. Alas, nothing was ever good enough. There was nothing I could do to make her happy. She was simply going to choose to be unhappy. What makes it most difficult is that everyone else that knows my wife would tell you that she "is one of the kindest, …
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 09:18 PM
3

So true, and I should've paid much closer attention.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 08:53 PM
2

I really don't intend on fighting with her about much of anything ... unless she get's totally, totally unreasonable ... and I don't think she will. Things aren't mean/acrimonious/vengeful between. She stopped speaking to me 6 years ago. She's been done, and I just want out.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 08:50 PM
2

This is honestly what I feel like doing. I mean she's going to buy me out of our house, so I'll get half the equity and, then, if we can just split our retirement, I'd be good. We don't have any assets other than our house. My wife has a 2021 Toyota Sienna that is paid off which she can keep ... my car is paid off (and is just a junker at this point). To my knowledge, the only debt we have is what's left on our home. It doesn't seem like it should really be difficult.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 08:47 PM
2

Well, I'm a social worker and my stbx is a teacher ... we had a good, but simple life ... I don't have any assets that I can sell.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 06:02 AM
2

I know people are way deeper in the red than I am ... I don't want to get there. My problem is that my wife has massive financial backing from her Odessa Texas oil tycoon uncle ... they can just fucking bury me .... so what's the point in digging myself into a hole when they can just bring a crane in and destroy me.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 05:44 AM
2

No, I do everything I can to limit my communication with my attorney. Shit pisses me off, though. In my county, everyone has to take this $50 parenting course once a dissolution of marriage is filed. I received a letter from the county with the info for the class. I registered for the class. Paid for the class. Took the class. Then it's put into court records. About 3 weeks later my attorney emails me telling me I need to take this class. I respond that I've taken it. She responds that she needs…
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 05:38 AM
4

Yep ... mine totally shut down on me in December 2017. No more hugs. No more kisses. No more "I love you". No more sitting together. No more conversations (unless it was about picking up the kids from something). I held out hope for 6 years that she was "snap out of it". She filed November 2023.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 05:09 PM
10

After mine started attending I got to hear words like "micro-aggression, emotional toxicity, therapeutic mindfulness" ... Never mind that I'm about 99.999% certain she has a personality disorder.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 12:00 AM
7

but there are good women out there. There are, but it's impossible to know if you've truly found one. I knew my wife for 8 years before we got married. I was 100% certain that I was the luckiest man on earth the day we got married. Fast forward 19 years and I don't even recognize her.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 07:37 PM
3

I gave it a listen ... solid. ​ I've been listening to "Watch the World Burn" by Falling in Reverse. It's been doing the trick for me. If you like "heavy" wait for it ... it comes. ​ ***EDIT*** Oh, check out the LIVE version on YouTube.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 12:48 AM
2

Yeah, the problem with OCPD is that they 100% do not believe they have a problem. What they do/how they act works for them. Their way is literally the only right way. Any other way is simply wrong. If you challenge them they will only dig in their heels that much more. The control mitigates their anxiety ... who cares about the destruction that is left in their wake.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 12:50 AM
1

Heck, my STBX hasn't had sex with me since 2017. I have no plans on dating/hooking up anytime soon (maybe ever), but, at this point, I think I'd be terrified that I would bust a nut as soon as the tip touched a chick's pubes.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 06:34 PM
1

I didn't get ordered out of my house until February 1, 2024. So all of this is still very new. We are doing the "nesting" thing right now because I still don't have my own place (I'm staying at my parents' house), and I'm honestly not sure how I'm going to be able to afford a home for 5 people on my own ... unless it's in the absolute most dangerous area of our city. Even then, that would be so far, distance wise, from our family home that I have no idea how I could practically make it work. I'd…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 04:09 PM
2

I tried to bring it up with her and it always ended up in an argument where I was the bad guy and I would end up apologising ​ I can relate.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 03:56 PM
2

This is 100% accurate. When I tried to hold my wife accountable for her poor behavior she would gaslight me (actually gaslight me ... I'm not using the term as the flavor of the month it has become), start these maddening circular arguments in which I would usually end up stating "I don't even know what we're arguing about!" (Which would make her more mad because I "clearly wasn't listening") and then give me the silent treatment ... for weeks, months, and, yes, even years. Her way of doing thin…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 03:52 PM
3

My wife isn't diagnosed, but I've been "studying" up on Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder for a good 4 years now, and am 99.999% certain she meets the criteria. Personality disorders are a whole different beast.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 03:48 PM
3

My STBX is 5'7", 118 lbs. She gets up at 4:30 AM every morning to lift weights and then does cardio in the evening. She looks amazing. She gets praised endlessly for her "discipline" when it comes to working out and eating healthily. It's a huge boost to her ego. What the people don't see is that she goes to bed (or gets in the tub and then goes to bed) as soon as the kids are in bed. 8:30 PM bedtime for her. She'd rather spend hours working out, meal planning/shopping/prepping/cooking/cleaning …
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 04:44 AM
0

And what exactly is your "nice glass of whiskey"? I'm by no means a whiskey snob, but I am curious. I rarely buy fancy stuff because I drink it just the same as a bottle of Beam.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 04:24 AM
10

I'm still married, soon-to-be-divorced ... there really was no void for me. Maaaybee a tiny "oof" when I was at the grocery store today with flowers, cards, chocolates and all that shit everywhere ... but, honestly, not really ... at the same time I was thinking, "Suckers ... look at all you last minute mofo's just grabbing whatever shit you can find .... so your significant other knows you care about her". Today was the first time in 25 years I didn't have to give a shit about Valentine's Day .…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 04:20 AM
1

The real kick in the nuts is that her sister, who is only 1 1/2 years younger than her ... is cool as shit. That being said, you can't judge a book by its cover. The most maddening thing for me about my marriage is that NOBODY gets to be privy to how nuts my wife is but me. Everyone else gets the Mother Theresa version. They all believe her to be the most kind, benevolent, thoughtful, caring, compassionate person they've ever met ... so, they all assume that I must be a real piece of shit becaus…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 04:15 AM
3

It would definitely be hard to see my stbx dating another man. At the same time, there's this odd part of me that hopes she does get into a serious relationship with another man ... because I know there is zero chance he would put up with all of her BS. The woman was constantly mad/upset/annoyed/frustrated/etc. day in and day out. Nothing was ever good enough for her. Almost any disagreement with her, no matter how small, she would deflect and turn into some "massive" circular argument that didn…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 10:21 PM
1

If you've only been married for a few months I'd look into getting an annulment.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 09:13 PM
2

First of all, speak to an attorney. My $0.02, If it's only been a year since she stopped working then I would just go ahead and file as her past employment is still relevant. When is she going to start working again? How can you be certain that she will? If you let too much time go by, and she continues to not work, then you will be more screwed ... in my opinion.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 08:10 PM
4

Find a Pinball parlor. Eat the most expensive dish of Carbonara you can find ... and drink an entire bottle of Pinot ... go to a few concerts (smoke a doobie if that's your thing) .... join a Cribbage Club ... smoke a great cigar and have an excellent drum of Jamaican rum ... what I'm saying is ... fuck ... I get it ... life can suck ... but, damn ... own your shit and do something about it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 10:02 AM
6

My wife filed. I would be open to reconciliation. That being said, it would not be until the divorce has been finalized. This marriage needs to die a total death. Any relationship with her moving forward would be based on the premise that it's an entirely new relationship (I know, I know, that sounds all well and good in theory). I don't know that I would get legally married to her again. The reality is, this is most likely a moot point. My wife is as stubborn as a mule and I can't imagine she'd…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 03:19 AM
0

Okay. Have fun with your "OCPD" girlfriend.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 09:21 AM
6

I disagree. Also, there is a large scale when it comes to OCPD. ​ ***EIDT*** Fucking marry her and then see what happens.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 01:52 AM
1

Nice.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 11:04 PM
3

Punching holes is always good. I have access to a lot of different stuff, and have friends with land. We can get pretty obnoxious with Tannerite. We are rarely shooting paper, lol.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 10:59 PM
3

What do you shoot? I've been loving my CZ 75D lately.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 10:21 PM
5

I've been going to concerts. Even when it's not something I'm not that interested in. Saw "Disturbed" last week. Not a band I've ever been into, but they put on an entertaining show. The band that opened for them, "Falling in Reverse" was really good ... I'm considering buying a vinyl of one of their albums. Going to go see "Cake" in a few weeks.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 10:18 PM
2

I got you a present. It's a clock radio. ​ ... goes together like lamb and tuna fish. Rob Schneider owns that movie. Favorite Sandman quote in the movie: "Yes, yes, Uncle Remus, I know ... the catfish are HUGE".
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 10:04 PM
4

Respectfully, I would argue that Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD, not OCD) is worse ... lol. Talk about living in a nightmare.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 10:02 PM
1

Have you (your attorney) responded to her complaint yet? Also, A) I'm not an attorney, and B) I have no idea regarding your states particular laws, but I have a hard time believing that a date that far out meets court timeliness guidelines. I guess I'm also making the assumption that you're in the United States. *** EDIT *** I just saw your name ... now I can't remove the song "Who is your favorite fearless hero" from my head.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 10:36 PM
1

My assumption would be that it is. I'm still very new in this world of divorce/getting divorced. Based on my own temporary orders, it for sure would be.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 10:35 PM
1

Yeah, you have to keep certain boundaries ... that being said, I'm a schmuck, and would probably do it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 10:32 PM
3

I don't feel hate towards my stbxw, and don't think I will. I have moments of anger ... usually while I'm driving in the car alone, where I may go on a 10 minute, 4-letter, name-calling tirade. On the one hand, I think I'm getting off a little easier than many people on this sub because my wife completely shut down and quit on our marriage in December 2017. I was never going to be the one that filed (I have my reasons). I haven't had a wife for 6 years. Her filing, in November 2023, is, in a way…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 09:47 PM
1

First sentence is "We have joint legal custody" ... come on, man.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 09:29 PM
1

Can't you just schedule a medication management appointment with your kids PsyD/APRN on a day you have your child? Have a discussion with them about it. Get their opinion on the matter in writing. If they disagree with your kid's PCP then submit the documentation to court. No reason to get into a pissing match with the Ex. That's not going to solve anything.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 09:27 PM
1

Maybe I missed something, but have 1 of you filed for dissolution of marriage? After that, the defendant is required to respond. After that, a preliminary hearing for Temporary Orders is scheduled on the docket. If you were the first to file, you should have asked for exclusive use of the marital home. I don't know ... maybe your state is way different. You're not making much sense to me.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 09:20 PM
3

When my wife first filed I changed her contact in my phone to something snarky and changed the photo to something mean. I left it that way for about 3 days before I decided to use her real name and change the photo to that of my kids. No matter what, she'll always be my children's mother and I want to keep that in mind.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 09:12 PM
1

I took it to be a "Big Lebowski" reference.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 10:34 PM
8

My wife filed ... 3 days after saying in our marriage counseling session "I don't want a divorce. Divorce won't solve our problems, it will just create a different set of problems". That was early November 2023. So, I'm still at the beginning of this process. Thus far, I've seen no legal benefit to it. However, I was blind-sided with the filing. I was in shock. My world just got flipped on its head ... but I still had to get up every morning for work, I had to find an attorney, I had to respond …
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 02:41 PM
2

I agree with you, but my experience has been the opposite. Heck, I was even meeting with a dude from our church in the "marriage ministry". I texted him and told him when my wife filed ... he hasn't reached out since.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 02:34 PM
3

It's also been my experience. I'm not mad. A little hurt, but, at the end of the day, I get it. They are all dealing with their lives, marriages, kids, work, busy schedule ... I know it's probably exhausting listening to me about the shambles my life is in. Dudes hang out with each other to detach from day to day BS ... not to hear me complain for 4 hours straight. It sucks, but I understand.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 11:36 PM
7

Yes, I wish I would have given more thought to the way my MIL treated my FIL prior to marrying their daughter. My MIL constantly nagged my FIL (This appears to have lessened greatly over the years, or she just doesn't do it in front of people anymore), and she came across as not very empathetic. I also should have paid more attention to the relationship my wife had with her mother. Looking back on it, I'm pretty sure my wife felt that the only way her mother would "love" her is if she performed …
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 06:23 PM
1

I know that God has not abandoned me. I know that my wife's treatment of me is not how God views me. It's just hard. Years and years of praying that He would give me insight ... knowing that God's will is for our marriage to survive ... to THRIVE ... to be a testament of His goodness and faithfulness. Yet, my wife, who I do truly believe wants to honor God ... did nothing but treat me with contempt and disrespect for 19 years. It just doesn't make sense to me. Two people who, purportedly, sought…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 03:54 AM
2

We were both Christians when we got married. From my perspective, my sbxw never truly wanted a husband. At least, she never really acted like it. She had to be in control of everything. If she didn't get her way she'd give me the silent treatment ... for weeks, months, and even over a year on a few occasions. She's extremely judgmental and critical, and I never felt I could please her. I never knew what was going to upset her, but I knew there would be a good chance, upon coming home from work, …
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 06:06 PM
1

You're a woman. You literally control sex. You can find a dick anywhere. Literally anywhere. Bang your mailman. Your Grub Hub driver. The cable guy. Your neighbor. The dude in front of you at Starbucks. The dude sitting next to you at your kid's soccer game. The PTO meeting. The county fair. A Willie Nelson concert. Or, to make it really easy for you, just go to Top Golf.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 08:58 AM
9

Volunteer. I'm being dead serious. At a homeless shelter. Work with inner-city kids. Something. You'll quickly realize that, although your loss is sad, you're life is salvageable. The best way to stop feeling sorry for yourself is to focus on others who are in need. Get out there and make a difference is somebody else's life.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 06:52 AM
2

This is spot on ... and my so-called "Christian wife" is getting the same support from her "Christian friends" and "Christian parents" ... There is something seriously wrong with society right now. I've done nothing wrong to my wife. No, I'm not perfect, but I've done everything I know how to do to love her, support her, cherish her and provide for her ... it has never been good enough. She is now divorcing me because she is "tired of the roller-coaster". There needs to be a serious shift in the…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 10:06 AM
7

This isn't the place for you. That being said, and I can only speak for myself (but can also infer on what I've read in this sub for the past 5 months), few to any men, 1 year out from a divorce, have any interest in a real, romantic relationship. We are still recovering from having our hearts ripped out, our family destroyed, our finances ruined ... at this stage in the game, all we are probably looking for is "a piece of ass" ... I'm not even looking for that. I want nothing to do with women r…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 09:49 AM
3

Pretty much sounds like my wife. I am 99.999% certain she has undiagnosed Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD, not OCD). She wears a "mask" at all times in public. Everyone thinks she is the second coming of Mother Teresa. At home she is the spawn of Satan. There is no way to convince anyone of how my wife treats me because all they ever see is a sweet, kind, thoughtful, caring, benevolent person who puts everyone before herself. It's like living in hell.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 09:34 AM
5

For the past 6 years, since December 2017, I've done everything I knew how to do to make our marriage better. Individual counseling. Couples counseling. Helping around the house whenever I saw something that needed to be done. Being the best dad I could be. You name it. My wife was checked out. I doubt I'll ever understand exactly what happened. It was as she woke up on January 1, 2018, and just decided she was done being married. Fast forward to now, our Temporary Orders where just signed by th…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 09:17 AM
4

I would add to this that, if her parents are still married, you should spend as much time around them as possible and pay VERY close attention to how her mother treats her father. What does their power dynamic look like? Does the mother make snide remarks about her husband with others present (and especially if it's in front of people with her husband present)? Does her mother criticize her father? Is her mother constantly busy, or never seem to do much of anything? This is what she grew up with…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 09:34 PM
3

Not only do you feel better about yourself for not getting into some shit show, stupid ass argument (and probably saying something you wish you would not have) ... It seriously pisses them TF off ... b/c, from my experience, that's their goal ... to get you riled up, say something out of bounds, and then they can use it against you. Grey Rock, my dude ... THIS IS THE WAY. ​ ***EDIT*** If you stay consistent, and do it long enough ... they will eventually give up on their BS tirades b/c they know…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 04:51 AM
8

Zero emotion. The most minimal, simplistic responses as possible. Example: The wife starts going on a tirade ... Your response: "Mmm" or "I see". Stuff like that. Then just walk away. Don't get dragged into her weeds.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 11:11 PM
2

As far as us actually getting divorced, this is pretty just much a formality. My wife, more or less, hasn't spoken to me and 100% hasn't engaged in marital relations with me since 2017. We're just roommates. It's her loss (She's the one that filed, believe it or not).
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 11:03 PM
2

Yep ... got there at 9:00 this morning. Hearing was for 9:30 AM. Our attorney's went back a forth a few times, and we came to a temporary agreement. My Sbxw and I didn't even go into the courtroom (which is kind of funny to me because I think she thought it was going to be some big ordeal ... she brought her 3 affiants with her). So, I assume I should have a copy of the temporary orders by early next week.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 06:24 PM
2

I got literal fucking tennis elbow. ​ As somebody who is just starting the divorce process, and whose wife hasn't laid a hand on them since December 2017 ... I couldn't help but chuckle at this. At this point, I 'd fucking love some "tennis elbow". ​ Sorry to laugh at your expense, but thanks for the laugh.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 09:55 AM
10

Every single day I spent my 1 hour commute home worrying about what my wife was going to criticize me about when I got home. Did I do something wrong? Did I forget to do something? Did I not "read the room" correctly, and not do something she expected me to do? Did I not "read the room" correctly, and do something she did not want me to do? I would get home, open up the door, and before I could even get my shoes off ... I was being berated and criticized. No "hello". No "Hey, babe". Nothing warm…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 09:35 AM
15

This dude was married for < 4 years, doesn't have kids, and lived in an apartment ... 100% guaranteed.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 08:22 AM
1

fuggedaboutit
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 07:07 PM
10

I do hear where you're coming from. I haven't worked out/exercised in about 6 years. I haven't been on a scale in a long time ... rough guess ... I need to lose 60-70 pounds. I'm 6 foot, and probably weigh ... 260, I'd guess. I have no motivation, at all. I use to be an avid cyclist ... I still, kind of, remember how great I'd feel after a good 50 mile ride ... my brain just bursting with endorphins ... my muscles just excreting ... I don't know what ... but it felt so damn amazing. I don't give…
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 08:53 AM
10

I don't know how much money it's going to cost me (wife just filed last month), but I have 4 young children ... and it's going to cost me the chance to see them grow up each and every day. No amount of money can buy that ... (this is where I would say the worst, most hateful, disgusting things I could about my STBXW ... but I'm making the choice not to go there. It's out of my control, and I'm going to choose to find whatever I can to be grateful for).
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 08:41 AM
-5

This seems like a "bot" post ... whole thing is just odd. I also notice to OP responses to any of the comments.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 08:29 AM
2

Your natural gait. Something done with ease, requiring no thought, and is comfortable to you.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 05:43 AM
2

I'm fairly certain I will be in a somewhat similar dilemma. My STBXW and I moved to a quiet suburb (it's actually it's own town ... mayor, police, fire, library, school district, etc.) 18 years ago. It has exploded and we would not be able to afford to move here now on both of our incomes, let alone a single income. My wife will be buying me out, and I will have to move. We have 4 kids who are very active in sports and other extra-curricular activities. I will most likely have to move about 30+ …
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 05:15 AM
2

I dunno ... put it in a little toy boat ... place said toy boat in your main toilet, and piss on it multiple times per day.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 08:47 AM
1

Oh, mine completes each and every task on her list. It's the list that never ends.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 07:25 AM
2

Same, except that mine wouldn't/doesn't say it with tears in her eyes, but anger in her voice ... the problem being, when I'd ask for help she'd either tell me "It's just easier if I do it myself", or, I would help get a few things off the list ... and then she'd immediately add 10 more things to the list. It was never done. It was never over. Helping was pointless because it felt more like enabling.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 07:24 AM
9

My wife has initiated divorce. 4 kids ages 6-15. We are at the beginning stages. I have no idea what our custody agreement will end up being (She asked for full legal and physical custody). It makes me VERY sad thinking about all I will miss out on. At the same time, I think about how much more fun the kids and I have together when their mother goes out of town for a weekend or week (which isn't often). It's so much more relaxed ... not just for me, but for them as well. So, in that regard, I th…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 10:58 PM
2

Some do, and some don't. I met with a highly regarded Family Law attorney who charged his hourly rate (If I were to hire them) for a consult. It was weird though ... the person told me something along the lines of "Look, you're not hiring me, you're buying my time. That being said, I wouldn't pay to hire me at the rate I charge". This person also told me that if I could come in at 3:30 PM they would actually have more time, and the consult could last 1 hour & 15 minutes (at the hour rate). I als…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 09:40 PM
3

2 things my brother: ​ #1 - look up "Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder" (NOT ocd, but ocpd) ... I bet it will open your eyes to a whole new world. #2 - GOOGLE "Song for the Dumped" by Ben Folds FIve ... turn the volume to 11 and yell the lyrics at the top of your lungs. ​ Godspeed, sir.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 07:05 AM
2

No worries... Yes, and assumption is an option ... Listen, I get it ... you just want things to end quick and you don't want any drama ... that's what most of us want ... at the same time, please stand up for yourself and claim the assets that you rightfully deserve .... You're hitting the reset button on your life ... every litter bit that you can get will help in that process. Again, that's not being "an asshole" ( I get where you're coming from .... I don't want my stbxw to struggle ... I wan…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 06:58 AM
2

Are both of your names on the title of your home? If so, and she keeps it, you're going to need to get your name off of the title or else you'd be just as liable as her if she decided to stop making payments. In order to get your name off of the loan she'll need to re-finance. You are entitled to 50 % of the equity you both have in the home. That's not "being an asshole".
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 10:13 PM
12

You don't belong here. You have zero idea what many/most of us have been through/are going through.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 09:21 PM
13

100% I dated my wife for 8 years ... she was more or less "perfect" that whole time. Marriage seems to change women.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 09:18 PM
4

Take her on a little weekend getaway ... maybe that would make it feel less ... hookerish lol
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 08:28 PM
6

Wife filed in November. So, I would say no. It really just "is what it is". She acts as though I don't exist, and I just stay out of her way. At the same time, I hope things go as quickly as possible so I can start re-building my life.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 02:19 PM
1

Goodluck, sir. Be as well as you can. Sorry you're going through this.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 05:54 AM
1

I assume you'll get legal representation ... they, for sure, would have access.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 05:35 AM
3

Pretty sure you could obtain a copy of the police report (again, not an attorney). Also, you said you have to go to court. Court Docs are public record. You could obtain the affidavit/petition for a nominal fee.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 05:34 AM
3

... and her story is that you "threw her on the ground". Sorry, my guy. Dumb thing is, if it were a complete stranger you could have the defense that you were attempting to protect your property (maybe ... I'm not an attorney).
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 05:16 AM
4

I wonder about this as well. My wife hasn't had sex with me, or touched me AT ALL (not even accidentally) since December 2017. I got to the point that I wasn't even frustrated about it anymore (I only missed the closeness ... laying together, naked, running my fingers up the inside of her thigh ... shit like that). I almost never think about sex. I maybe get the urge to take care of myself ... once a month ... and it's not even pleasurable. I don't enjoy it. It's more like scratching a mosquito …
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 05:11 AM
12

I guess I am "lucky" in that sense. Still cohabitating with my STBXW ... however, she hasn't had a friendly conversation with me, or touched me in any way, since December 2017. So, nothing has really changed.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 04:59 AM
5

One thing I've always wanted in my family home was a chalk board in our kitchen, next to the door out to the garage. Above it I wanted it to say, "Today I am grateful for ..." I wanted, every day, before anyone left the house, to write on the board something they were grateful for. I always thought that would be such a nice and meaningful way to start the day ... my wife said, "A chalkboard in the kitchen would be tacky". The first damn thing I'm buying when I get my own place is that chalkboard…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 04:34 AM
3

Just asking, but, is the accusation baseless, or did something actually happen?
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 04:28 AM
3

Shit ... married to my STBXW 20 years .... we were in marriage counseling, off and on, for probably 15 of those. To me, it only made things worse. I'd say we probably had upwards of 8-9 different therapists throughout our marriage ... seems they're just hardwired to assume that it's the wife who is the victim and the husband who is the asshole. I'm 99.999% certain my wife has a cluster-B personality disorder ... but she was always affirmed and I was also being told that I needed to do more. ​ **…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 04:18 AM
8

100% ... and that's why male and female "friends" are always relatively close to each other on the "attractiveness scale".
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 04:09 AM
4

So, despite my earlier Chris Rock comment, I do actually have 1 female friend (a supervisor of mine from like 12 years ago) that I would never want to/attempt to have any sort of physical relationship with. The last time we even saw each other in person was about 10 years ago at the funeral of a co-worker from when we worked together. She's also an LIMHP ... so she's basically free therapy via text messaging at a moments notice.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 04:05 AM
8

Yes, b/c all of us in this sub are/were in "honest and committed" relationships ...
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 04:00 AM
10

Chris Rock talks about this in his first comedy special "Bring the Pain" (One of my favorite specials of all time). Look up "Chris Rock - Women's Platonic Friends". The gist is, essentially, Men don't have platonic friends of the opposite sex, only women they haven't f****ed yet, and woman keep platonic friends of the opposite sex around because "they are like a dick in a glass case ... in case of emergency, break glass". He also goes on to say, if men just want to be platonic friends with a wom…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 09:49 PM
8

My wife had this guy (who was married) at the gym that went to the same Spin class as her. They would text each other regarding who was going to get there first so they could "save a bike" (It was an open class, so you weren't guaranteed a bike). "Unfortunately", he died from Covid .....
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 09:37 PM
13

This is the language used in blogs where they coach each other to be more defiant, combative and adversarial to their husbands and claim victimhood if said husbands assert themselves. You can't win. They also need to "Slaaaaaay Queen" and be a "Badass Boss Bitch" .... *eye roll*
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 06:43 AM
2

I use Valerian Root & Ashwagandha ... they're not Jack's magic beans, but they do help me. Sometimes I'll take a Delta-8 gummie. I don't use illegal drugs, but I have Vet friends w/ PTSD who swear by microdosing magic mushrooms (I don't really understand what that means because it's not an option I'm looking for).
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 06:34 AM
8

OP’s closing statement “demand respect”, though I don’t think intentionally, has a defensiveness to it that I recognize. ​ ​ Here's what I would say to that. We absolutely need to "demand respect" We need to demand respect from ourselves. I got to the point that I was bending over backwards for my wife so much, not to make her happy (although I wanted her to be happy), but so that she wouldn't be upset (which she constantly was about something). I let myself get to the point that I was no longer…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 06:25 AM
1

The lion's share of my retirement is also a 401k with Vanguard. Also have a Roth IRA through EJ that my wife and I opened up together when we got married. I've had a state job now for the past 9 years, so have a state retirement account as well.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 06:16 PM
2

... the wife that is divorcing me certainly isn't the wife I married. It's truly sad. She was such a lovely person once. ​ ***EDIT*** 6 month CD is an interesting idea. It hadn't crossed my mind to potentially invest the lump sum short-term. I will be doing a lot of research in this area moving forward. Thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 01:18 AM
1

I appreciate the clear and straight-forward logic of your post. It's not what I want to hear, but I know it's true. Hope you're doing well.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 01:16 AM
2

She has family with money. See #1 ... it doesn't matter. Assuming I get 50/50 ... she's asking for full custody (I know she won't get that ... but who know how it will turn out). Pretty much ... she'll actually be getting a raise shortly, as she just completed her Master's Degree.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 01:06 AM
2

Glad to hear you're doing well. Thank you for the response.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 01:04 AM
1

A 16 year old is not "too young". Do you remember when you were 16? I have a 15 year old daughter ... It's hard for me to think about what I was doing with 15 year olds girls when I was that age. Your kid is 2 years away from being an adult ... joining the military and being shipped to Bosnia (I'm GenX ... it's the first thing that came to mind) ... Just don't talk shit about mother ... Be honest, but have some fucking integrity. Just my 2 cents.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 08:17 AM
7

Better to die alone, than with my STBXW at my bedside bitching about me dying, as I take my last breath.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 04:42 AM
3

Not a PK, but grew up "in the church" (Sunday service, Wednesday fellowship potluck, youth group every week), and attended a private, Christian school K-12. No sex before marriage. My wife was also a virgin, and a "Christian". Married 20 years. Four children (all minors). More or less, I've barely existed to her for over the past 1/2 decade. She stopped talking to me. Stopped having sex with me. I've remained faithful to her despite the loneliness and rejection. She filed for divorce 2 months ag…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 02:05 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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