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Moms_Sketti88 Archive

View 12 posts and 800 comments by Moms_Sketti88 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Yeah man I agree with above persons comment. My ex and her attorney tried a lot of shit. It was hell but I came out. If I could show you the videos of how my ex behaved your jaw would drop. I do get you’re up against a wall with restraining order and that adds a new mix to the chaos. Play nice guy and cut contact as well here so you’re not constantly paying for two attorneys on two different legal channels, that ultimately do affect the other. The bar for protective orders (PO) are low, so you r…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/26 02:42 PM
3

Was your attorney pretty good? My ex hired a pitbull and she had a lot of bark, but my attorney was able to pick the case apart. As for my situation it worked out much better than I thought. I just know my ex spent close to $50k in legal fees (or so her parents claim who paid for it). I spent a little over $15k and the outcome was somewhere in the ball park I wanted it to be at. Their initial proposed custody time for me was 48 measly days a year with my child. Ultimately awards joint custody - …
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/26 12:51 PM
1

That she was crazy.. my best friend always told me he saw something off with her and pleaded with me not to date her. My ass married here ultimately haha. Her own brothers even hinted at me. A lot of times saying things like, “man you’re a brave dude for dealing with her”. I can’t sum up my ex on here without writing a book like many of us could about our exes, but she was a calculated nut case towards me and a few others near the end.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/26 02:06 AM
4

Dude I’m sorry you’re going through this. I was in the that similar situation in some regards. My ex was much more abusive though. Cops never got involved but I would record when she would have a flare up. There were times it came close to them being called. Please get a good lawyer. Find a firm close to the court house, and specifically an experienced attorney that specializes in family law matters. I know people on here say get a “female” lawyer that’s a bull dog. You don’t need a bull dog tha…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/26 02:00 AM
0

Haha yep my case here. My ex ultimately was the plaintiff after we settled and signed, but I was the one that initiated divorce from her abusive a$$. My attorney asked if I wanted to be plaintiff or her. I asked which is more expensive, and he said the one filing the paperwork. So I told him to let her legal team do it. Probably didn’t save me much but at that point who ever was the plaintiff didn’t matter since we settled.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/26 01:31 AM
3

Be careful with section with #3 under “What to do Now”. Depending on the state you’re in, making more money during the divorce proceedings can still be calculated and most likely will be calculated if the divorce is highly contested and goes into discovery. It’s a double edge sword, I know. I’m not picking at this post - the stuff is overall pretty good. Would just tread lightly. I’m the pot calling the kettle black here though, because I still got some overtime and shit during my divorce to sta…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/26 01:29 AM
1

Ahh gotcha. Guess I got your post confused with another. Got my ex pregnant years ago, but actually loved her. Was young though and didn’t have much life experience.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 05:14 PM
2

Yeah that’s tough. You also said you have 5 kids so dating will be 5x tougher than it was for me. Also you may be living in a box after alimony and child support, and if she doesn’t work you could be on the hook for her legal bills. Divorce is super expensive especially if the other spouse doesn’t want it or they are vengeful like mine was. The only reason we avoided court and me paying her legal fees, was because we had at-fault grounds based on repeated evidence of violence from her. In my sta…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 02:22 PM
2

Exactly. The more he begs the happier she will be with the boyfriend. Find some cute women on the dating apps.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 02:09 AM
2

Yes, this!! She’s moved on brother, I know it hurts. The boyfriend could have been half the reason or whole she wanted the divorce anyways. Seize this opportunity to move the divorce fast and hopefully she plays “nice” so she can move in with her boyfriend and doesn’t eat you alive financially. Don’t offer any alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 02:08 AM
2

I officially divorced last week. But we’ve been separated since 2023 so over 3 years. It’s not exactly hard dating, but alot of women don’t like the idea of a man with kids. But surprisingly most of the women I’ve dated didn’t have kids and were cool. I did run into a couple women that were not about it, and I appreciated them being honest early on. Let me say this, almost every woman I met was better than my ex wife. My ex was really foul and had a lot of issues. I know people like to shame the…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 06:36 PM
3

I was in your boat, sort of. My ex and I did NOT get along either. We didn’t get along dating either. We married when our kid was about 5 years old. We tried to make it work the next 6 years after. Our divorce was finalized last week. She had a lot of issues and I didn’t have the patience for her. I tried but eventually I was bound to snap if I stayed, she had a tendency to be violent too. Man oh man did she have a temper. If your wife is sweet with you, maybe it’s worth exploring therapy. Divor…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 12:31 AM
1

This all day. I was stuck for literal years and it was hell on earth. Custody and the home were the two biggest battles we had. So I stayed in the home until we signed the dotted line.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 06:08 PM
2

What country are you in?
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 03:37 PM
2

Haha yes surprisingly. My ex was horrible with money, so years before divorce I had to move money to my own checking account to save our finances. I could be disciplined at work if I have bad credit since I have to have background checks done routinely. Don’t get me wrong, I was in financial pain a lot too. I’d have to help crawl her out of credit card debt at times. Sorry it went to trial. I hear horror stories. I’m assuming it’s been dragging for years? A coworker of mine took his divorce to t…
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 12:53 PM
2

Don’t we all. I wish I listened to a couple of friends before I said, “I do”.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 03:08 AM
2

Yep. The more you wait the more they can take.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 02:14 AM
1

This is my take on this too and how i saw it. Seems to be a marriage based finances. I give him credit for suggesting counseling though.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/26 11:51 AM
3

Sounds like you came out clean in the divorce then. Don’t let that comment get to your head even if there is some truth to it. I wouldn’t wait around for your ex though, especially if she asked for the divorce. Fuck it, go have fun, doesn’t mean you got to look for something serious 😂
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/26 11:53 PM
1

What was her exact reason for leaving? I ask because I’m dating a woman who I feel inferior against. She’s educated, a dentist, no kids, absolutely gorgeous. I’m divorced, sorta broke on divorce tax (alimony and child support), ex is toxic/crazy (very crazy) and tries to interfere with custody and kid stuff.. Wondering if I should save myself the potential heartbreak later on and end this. My ex is creating a mess and I can see in my girls eyes she would probably be happier with a guy with zero …
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 09:33 PM
3

Use her affair fog against her and take advantage of this opportunity. If you plan to disclose wait a few weeks after the final order of divorce is signed off by the judge. Fuck it, invite his wife out for drinks after you disclose and she has time to digest.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 09:05 PM
3

Dude I went through this for 3 years of a very long divorce. If you are in a one party consent state, constantly record when you’re around here. The hundreds of hours some sometimes useless video recording is worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 12:29 PM
5

Pension? How long were you married? I was able to avoid my ex getting any of pension whatsoever. She got a cut of my 401k though.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 03:28 PM
1

Plenty of parents have mental illness. If you haven’t harmed the kids I don’t see why that would matter. I usually am opposed to going to court, but you may need to get in front of a judge with your case. As others have said, look for a new lawyer. Sounds like he/she might be lazy and apathetic.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 12:07 AM
1

You need to ask your attorney for a pendente Lite hearing to adjust child support, especially if you didn’t willfully quit your job. Also try to get more custody. It will drastically bring your child support down, plus you get to see your kids. My ex wanted me to only have my kid 36 days a year or some shit. I ended up getting 4x more in custodial days, which drastically reduced my would-be child support from $1800 to $700 a month. Technically could even pay much less if I choose to calculate ch…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 08:11 PM
2

What state are you in? Wise to get a lawyer. If you’re in at-fault state you could file for abandonment
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 08:53 PM
9

I was married to someone who was emotionally impulsive and irresponsible like this. My ex came from a wealthy-ish family, so she thought money grew on trees and hated working. Can’t even remember how many jobs she quit and got fired from. She finally kept a job after I asked for a divorce and when her frustrated parents cut her off. She made my life a living hell in the divorce battle but I’m glad I got out. There were many issues aside from her immaturity, but just saying I understand the finan…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 07:39 PM
3

Yeah agreed. She sounds awful to be honest. I’ve been on dates like that myself. I felt like it was a job interview for a toxic company. Hmmm.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 08:37 PM
5

Man that’s wild. I have a buddy who was forced to be a cuck to his smoking hot wife shortly after marriage. I mention that she’s smoking hot because she is having the time of her life in her world, while he struggles to even get side action. Idk how he does it and it’s embarrassing. Idc what anyone says, open marriages are usually only fun for the women. Kudos to you though for being a man and putting your foot down. That’s not wife material. Sorry that happened to you though brother.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 02:32 PM
1

Do the courts in your area care that she is doing this?
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 02:28 PM
7

She will be alone and miserable in no time. She got an ego boost off of some shitty drug that she thinks makes her look good.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 03:03 AM
1

Can almost bet if there is a huge income gap and a length of time married that one will pay alimony or a portion of retirement. Trials are also super expensive depending on the state. Judges almost always seem to sympathize with the lower earner. I get your point though. It’s always wise to hire an attorney that goes to trial to get an idea of how the local court will look at the case and the financial situation.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/26 03:22 AM
2

I looked at as something similar as well. Stupid tax is a good term haha. I knew my marriage would end in divorce deep down and still eloped after we had a kid. I guess I am literally paying for it. Alimony was also a way to pay her out in lieu of a slice of my pension and savings account. I gave her 20% of my 401k and 4 years of alimony. Id rather get it over with instead of paying her years later.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/26 03:20 AM
1

I hate you went through it too. Mine could be sweet when she wanted, but holy shit she could be evil. I could have had her arrested several times for felony assault, but I didn’t want to get the courts or cops involved. I mitigated by constantly recording and staying away as much as possible during the divorce process. Have you started the process yet?
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 05:31 PM
3

We have similar ex’s. I wish I could preach I have absolute peace now, but I’d be lying. My ex spends her free time trying to manipulate me, get a reaction and find ways to take more custody. My ex is hyper jealous as well. To be clear I asked for a divorce in 2023, and she still hasn’t fully moved on. She tried to sabotage my dating life as well. She has maybe dated here and there but no one will settle with her..
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 11:56 PM
7

I was there. My ex was also violent with me when things didn’t go her way. Man she had issues, coupled with being insanely overweight. I filed for divorce and I’m glad I did. Aside from paying a divorce tax, life is much better. My kid gets a peaceful home at both locations. Her mom and I were just not a good match. I feel her mom will never find love again if she doesn’t fix her temper with men and doesn’t drop a few hundred pounds.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 10:44 PM
10

Weight alone and looks may not be the best reason for divorce. However, I can sympathize on a selfish level about attraction. We can’t help what we like sometimes. My ex gained a ton of weight. She went from 110 pounds (super fit) to close to 280 pounds. She was also 5’3. Fast food and lying around were her two best friends. The nail on the coffin was her violent temper. Idk if it was cause she was unhappy or what. I just couldn’t handle my kid seeing her mom attack me if I forgot to do laundry,…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 10:33 PM
2

Man this was a good read. That first paragraph is something. To me I liked the routine and that’s what kept me grounded. I don’t want to get into the thick of my stuff completely but my ex had some serious issues I couldn’t handle anymore (mostly her unpredictable temper). I still miss our old house, our neighborhood, the holidays with family, her brothers and her parents, money in the bank, and most of all seeing my kid every day. I also miss how much easier life was logistically. But what I do…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 01:09 AM
1

Hot damnnnn. I’m at $25k and stbx is at $45k (she tried to keep this going in legal fees). I thought mine was bad. I’m sorry man. I truly am. Was it because of court costs and stuff? My divorce has taken 3 years. - still not technically done, as waiting for the judge to issue the final order. One year separated as required by state and almost 2 years with lawyers. Luckily kept it out of court, so maybe that helped keep fees down. Ours was contested without court if that makes sense. We both had …
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 03:43 AM
1

Sounds like you’re going through some internal issues, unless there is more you aren’t saying. Is wife abusive or mean?
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 02:31 AM
1

This advice here OP! Take advantage of the affair fog as well. Let her leave with new said partner. Play “nice” and calculate a good outcome for you and the kids. Capitalize on this. I know it hurts but best outcome in this shitty situation. Think about your future and not hers, she will be distracted with the new toy until she’s not.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 04:49 AM
5

Same. My wife was physically abusive and had an uncontrollable temper that was for some reason always zoned in on me, and if not me, oddly towards her parents. She was adopted and I speculate early childhood trauma. Even divorced she still stalks me and is absolutely awful. She tried to get my daughter to hate me. Divorce was an escape from a shit storm. I have to pay a divorce tax in alimony which sucks, and even child support with joint custody.. but it’s still worth it with what my situation …
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 04:43 PM
3

Her coworker or whoever liked them and probably encouraged it. Sorry brother. You will find better and I repeat you WILL find a better woman.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 04:22 AM
4

She will only come back when she discovers the grass isn’t greener. I hope by then you pick back up and meet someone who values you. You seem to have your life together. Educated, great career and you’re young. Lots of women out there. I’m a little jealous. lol I’m 36 with a kid so the dating pool is toxic and my options are limited. However, I did meet a great girl but she’s about to go off to residency so who knows if that will last :( I have a hard time trusting any one. Do you have kids? Is …
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 02:30 PM
3

Idk but he’s kind of got a point. Although I filed for divorce against my wife I hated giving up my life. I hated being the guy at work and amongst family/friends becoming the divorced dad. I did grieve and it hurt. I had to leave a toxic and physically abusive woman. Also pretty sure she cheated on me with a coworker. I struggled at first and had no sense of worth. Felt like no one would want me. After getting out there a few times it really motivated me that the single world wouldn’t suck so b…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 10:41 PM
2

Does yours try to interfere with your dating life? My issue is that she looks for reasons and makes up things regarding my parenting. Tries to find ways to get more money from me. Not satisfied with the divorce outcome and threatening to file an appeal. Lastly, wants to interfere with my dating life. Accusing my gf of being a home wrecker, although I met her well after we separated. She constantly calls and texts when I’m with her. I haven’t introduced her to my child and plan to wait. My ex cho…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 11:14 PM
1

Brother I’m sorry to hear that. Are you in a high COLA?
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 05:01 AM
2

Someone shared this post with me I met from another post on here. Well written my guy. I’m freshly divorced. We had a very long and horrible separation period with lawyers (what a mess). We stayed under the same roof of most of the divorce process and that was even more of a mess. I feel during that time I tried to be the fun dad to take her out of the house. I mean in hindsight it was getting my kid away from chaos, but I quit cooking, I quit doing afternoon walks with my kid, etc. I moved out …
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 05:00 AM
2

I’m having this same issue with my ex as well, I think maybe even worse. We had a long drawn out divorce as you can imagine, almost 3 years. We finalized and signed two months ago. Still haven’t got the wet ink from the judge. She wants to control me as well and super jealous. For example last night I was working late hours on her night with the kid. She wanted to drop her off at my condo which I wasn’t at. I told her I was at work and she assumed I was with a “whore”. Mind you I’m single from h…
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 01:56 PM
9

Ugh wife just wanted to come back because she saw you happy. Tale as old as time. You were almost at the end my brother. She keeps leaving and coming back. Was the gf far better than the wife? My ex tried faking changes during separation too, and can be conflicting but no way I’d take her back. In my eyes, even being alone (while scary at times) was better than being with her. I was conflicted about leaving a high conflict marriage. My ex was brutally mean and had severe anger issues, etc. We ju…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/26 09:27 PM
1

You’re taking the high road. It will work out man. She sounds like a gem. Give it a couple years and she will see the mistake she made, and by then it’s obviously too late. You’ll probably move on to someone 10x better and will make you think, “fuck, how did I even marry her”.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/26 11:41 PM
1

So many women chase an emotional high and the honeymoon phase.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 02:59 AM
2

Lord do i understand. I also live in a HCOL as well. Every woman wants to go to a five star restaurant on the first date, and a date is like an interview to gauge your economic status. It’s so obvious with so many of them.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 10:51 AM
2

Are you in an at-fault state? Doesn’t really seem to matter much, but can possibly eliminate alimony and gives you leverage in the divorce..
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 11:46 PM
1

I had an abusive ex and filed too. It’s rough. They really do get spiteful during the divorce. Mine still has her lawyer draft up annoying letters to threaten me constantly. She is out to make my life a living hell, but at least not under the same roof. It’s always the crazy ones that make the divorce expensive.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 03:29 PM
2

Hot damn $15,000 a month. Yeah, bro is loaded. Lol paying mine $1,450 a month hurts.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 03:27 PM
1

Similar outcome, but my ex worked a full time job, I just made a lot more. So spousal wasn’t quite as bad since her income was supplemental. As far as the house, she also stayed in it even though it’s in my name. We had agreed she can stay until 2028 and she must vacate and put it on the market by July 1st of that year. Proceeds split 50/50. If she misses one payment, she must list the house for sale immediately. As far as I know, she has been paying it since I moved out 3 months ago. I am weary…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 03:24 PM
6

Tell your ex to make do with the $24k a year she’s getting. Thats insane. I feel for you though dude. My ex wife wanted me to only see my kid 3 nights a month merely for child support purposes. Thankfully she didn’t get her way, or I’d be paying 2.5x as much as I do now. I don’t live in TX, but don’t think your wife’s income matters. Should just be yours? You lucked out with the new wife though. Glad she’s able to help. Divorce can financially wreck a dude.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/26 01:10 PM
5

I for sure see your thoughts on this. Ours was very contentious but knew it would be when I filed against my ex-wife. She has a short fuse and super high temper when she was mad. She spent thousands on legal fees to try to make my life hell. She wanted me to only have our child 3 nights a month. I’m glad it’s over. I always thought if it was amicable, maybe it would have made things harder and I would have dismissed the divorce case. Even as much as I despise her, I do miss having a family unit,…
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/26 04:08 PM
1

With both levels of income, a financial discovery with a forensic accountant seems necessary. Especially with her hiding money. Who knows where that cash is at? Only downside here is you will likely be paying alimony, because that’s almost twice her income. As much as she protects and hides money, she’s definitely going to want her divorce tax (alimony). If she controls the finances I’m obviously assuming she knows your exact income.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 01:04 PM
2

Yes - it made it alot easier. Her temper was the main reason. If not for her abusive nature towards me, I would have probably stayed. There were other issues, she was spoiled, horrible health and eating habits, lazy, etc. We had a comfortable life to include a nice house, debt free (minus the mortgage), cars paid off, no credit card bills, bank account was always healthy, and most of all it was great putting my kid to bed every night. If she wasn’t so crazy towards me, I don’t think I would have…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 12:05 PM
1

Ahh gotcha. Well maybe therapy could help. Sounds like you want to work on it man, and that’s good. I offered therapy to my ex and she always called me a pussy for it. After a few slaps, scratches, etc - I had to call it quits. She was quite hateful, but had a nice side when she was having a good day.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 03:24 AM
3

Ahh gotcha. Odd she wanted a divorce out of the blue. I guess the reason why is honestly pointless. Time to build a plan that’s best for you and your kids. Mine went cut throat after everything to include custody, the home, finances and tons of small stupid shit. It was hell, and she’s still demonic. Hope things smooth out for you. Divorce is exhausting and sometimes I wish I just stayed miserable, cause she made and continues to make my life hell.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 02:28 AM
2

Atta boy. Stay put. I stayed in the house for three years during the separation phase/divorce. I filed but due to reasons of her actions. She tried using violence and manipulation, but I never prevailed. At most I’d leave on the weekends when she got crazy or temporarily after her fits, but I always came back home. I made the guest bedroom my abode.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 02:21 AM
4

She’s not getting the house. Do not do that to yourself. She wants the divorce. Split 50/50 at MINIMUM!! A divorce is a life changing event, so she shouldn’t expect her life to carry on as normal. Is she having an affair? Do you suspect that? Any history of abuse? Gains leverage if you can. You’re unfortunately at war on the civil level. Best of luck man. My divorce took years.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 02:18 AM
9

Good chance it’s another man’s child you will raise. At minimum get a DNA test. Sounds like you’re in denial and don’t want to believe there is a possibility the kid isn’t yours. As others said, you will have doubts the rest of your life. Not sure if this is real or rage bait though.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 01:06 PM
6

I think best to let her go. You’re probably holding on because she’s possibly attractive, you somewhat like her and maybe worried you’ll regret. I’d rather regret a break up than regret getting married. Divorce sucks buddy. I married someone I knew deep deep down it would not work out with.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 02:07 AM
2

I agree. That’s insane. Similar incomes here before I changed my tax filing. I’m not paying anything near that. If he really is that nice, maybe offer her alimony for half the length of the marriage. 20 years is too much. In most states alimony if half the length of marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/25 01:10 AM
1

lol I tried that approach too. Then you meet women who are greater than the woman you clearly don’t love, even though some of the suck too, they just don’t suck as much. Then you really realize you’re wasting your life. Paying up though does suck mega balls. Leaving is so hard when you’re the major bread winner, own a home, have kids, have a routine (even if miserable). You learn to be comfortable in the chaos. Of course I had absolutely enough though, as my ex was also super unpredictable, phys…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/25 12:19 AM
4

God. That sounds almost as horrible as OPs. Nothing worse than a far left or far right person who makes that their whole personality. Sorry bro. I know it sucks. My stbx was influenced by a crazy friend and then she became more crazy. Sucks when people get influenced by others.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 04:27 AM
0

Not sure why everyone is upset. Sometimes being selfish is for the better. I’d say if you have kids, then you’d need to make it work. Outside of abuse, crazy ass behavior or cheating, you should fight especially with kids. Seems you know what you want and knew for a while. No point in wasting her time anymore. If she has no kids and is attractive, then she will find another lad soon. I mean nothing wrong with trying coupe therapy though? Is your wife crazy or mean? As for the guilt I totally get…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 03:30 AM
21

wtf. What state was this?
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 10:50 PM
9

Sounds like she’s into you. She gave you her number. Go have fun bro.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 11:51 PM
1

Hopefully that big portion of savings was before marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 09:47 PM
3

Exactly. Good point made here. Where I live it can be interpreted as reconciliation and break the separation period.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 08:53 PM
1

Damn.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 09:17 PM
1

Best to move on buddy
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 06:05 PM
2

Dang that sucks. Not sure why I got downvoted for voicing my wife is violent. Either her and her hens are on Reddit or we have some overactive feminists watching the forum. Just let this be a testament that if roles were reversed, you and I would be in prison for assault.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 09:05 PM
2

Use this affair fog though to your advantage. If you make more than her especially use it to your advantage. Of course don’t make it a contentious divorce either. Just use her affair as leverage to settle quickly.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 02:56 AM
2

Hang in there. I’ve been dumped because of my lingering litigation and trapped situation before. Nothing can make your life worse than a bitter ex who refuses to move on. Once it’s over you can breathe.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 12:35 AM
2

Damn. Mine was slow moving. Her and her attorney just took 3 months to respond back to opposing drafts. It drags. She’s found out I dated and pissed, yet we’ve been getting “divorced” for literal years. I think we are close to the end. Mediation is coming up, finally. I live in DC so it’s super expensive too. Home has a lot of equity though to split.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 11:59 PM
2

If the new girl is not completely done show her the divorce is real. Not sure where you’re at in the process. She may feel that you and the stbx are still involved, or she could be scared of how crazy and clingy your ex is. I met a woman who was everything my ex wasn’t, plus no kids. She also found out about her. I just do my best to shield her from the drama and gave her a fair warning my stbx is obsessed with me and was abusive. She’s reluctant but holding on.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 11:47 PM
1

In the same boat as well. In process of finally moving out. Try your best to get a reasonable alimony and CS payment down. I offered mine to stay in the house until it sells as leverage
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 08:27 PM
1

File in court to get the ball rolling. Maybe she will come back to the table to negotiate and sign the damn papers. It’s what my attorney did with my stbx. Now we are doing a conference to sign the docs in the coming weeks. I understand your position as my ex is the same. We were stuck under the roof during the separation phase due to finances, and she tried to ruin my dating life. She would sometimes call me non stop and fake child care emergencies. God what a nightmare. Staying under the same …
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 08:26 PM
0

That’s a long term marriage. Luckily she had a good salary and probably also has a healthy 401k and social security. They are all greedy when the divorce ball starts moving, doesn’t mean she will get everything she wants. Stay strong and tread forward. Definitely make sure your attorney is good at trials and has a good amount of experience. I ended up hiring a senior associate with good reviews for trial. My case is similar to yours but a short term marriage. My stbx is a complete nut case towar…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 02:47 AM
2

Hmm then a trial could be worth it. Just sucks you’re in a no-fault state. Fault based grounds for physical abuse hold heavier weight than any other fault reasons (cheating, financial reasons, marital abandonment). You could possibly get most of the custody in your name. How long was marriage? Do you have a pension?
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 12:17 AM
2

Well shit that sucks. I make a lot more than my ex. Only offering her alimony to avoid a trial. The idea of spending $75k at a trial to avoid $27k of alimony just didn’t seem worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 12:13 AM
2

A lot of times the courts don’t allow children to testify, atleast the case in my state. Record and file a restraining order and ask for exclusive use of the home. I wish I would have done this early on. But most of all, go meet with an attorney asap. If your state has at fault you could avoid alimony. A trial as you may know is very expensive, but in some cases worth it. I’m hopefully almost settled but court was on the table. My ex knew her bullshit would be public and she is hopefully taking …
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 12:09 AM
1

I’m in the same area bro. I picked back up hiking and activities that are cost efficient or free. Also camping is great, and cool chicks love to go camping (well my kind of women lol). I cut back nights out, etc. Took up cooking. The DMV is already expensive enough. Not sure about you, but I have to pay my ex alimony and child support, plus find rent in the area. It’s essentially like I’m renting a one bedroom and a two bedroom at the same time.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 05:05 PM
5

Yeah this. Mine had far worse issues than he’s even listing and took me years to break it off. Married 8 years and dated for like 6 years with child out of wedlock. Sunk cost fallacy is real and keeps unhappy and miserable people grounded, especially if you’re the bread winner.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 04:19 PM
2

She is responsible for 100% of the mortgage. The advantage is my kid gets to stay in the school district she’s in. I am only doing this for her. I tried to rent a place in that zone to use as negotiations for the school thing, but nothing. It’s all home and townhomes. The ones available for rent are $4k and up. I found an apartment down the road about a mile or so, that’s half that price, but unfortunately it’s not in her zone. She’s got Asperger’s and for the first time she’s found a school and…
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 01:05 AM
2

Hey man good question. Alimony ends after the 48th payment. Attorney said my states circuit court doesn’t accept such a clause in a decree and said they are overreaching. He said he will reach out to opposing counsel. He said anyone can ask anything of course, but there is no requirement so will say fuck no to that. I’m sure I’ll pay the college anyways, but would like to not have it in the divorce order. For sale of home both parties must agree and go off the market price. What’s your thoughts …
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 11:41 PM
1

Negative. Lol I really want to avoid trial if I can. If she didn’t budge on custody I would have.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 07:57 PM
2

Record, even if just audio. I walk around my house recording. If an episode is coming, I record. Idk why I never called the cops. I did go to the hospital anytime she caused physical harm. Last assault was her spraying me in the face with cleaner. Luckily i recorded right before the episode started. Almost done with my divorce, maybe. Divorcing someone like this is a rollercoaster so keep your guard up. Get a senior attorney with experience in high conflict spouses. Some bigger firms have these …
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 03:13 AM
2

Hey man 35 here. I realized I don’t have one single friend. My best friend is getting engaged and moved off. My younger brother was my other best friend, and he’s newly married with a baby on the way. His wife doesn’t want him hanging out with me by himself. She thinks I’ll encourage him to women chase with me, which is false. All my other friends at work and elsewhere are either married with kids or have live in partners. I have a big employer, I make friends but literally all the dudes are mar…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 11:22 PM
1

Yes!! We can’t stress this enough. Mine was psycho throughout cohabitation during this divorce. That protected me and gave leverage for negotiations actually.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 08:15 PM
4

Get out bro. Maybe I missed it somewhere, but are you married to her now?
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 04:35 PM
5

I get this feeling as well, especially as my divorce seems to be near the finish line. Look up sunk cost fallacy, it could be that. I was comfortable with my life, my house, my money, but could never stand my wife. She was awful to me, my family at times, awful to her family and friends. She was the elephant in the room with her issues. Now that it’s near the end I find my self fearing that I may regret it. But I know deep down I do not love her like a husband should, and I don’t think she loved…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 12:01 AM
1

It truly is flawed. It’s not uncommon for women to see this too. I know a mother who lost shared custody because of her job. She has to pay her stay at home ex husband child support and alimony. He comes from a wealthy family that also helped him out and was able to drag out litigation. Kind of similar to what I’m up against
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/25 06:49 PM
1

Did you meet a woman with a good paying job. That’s honestly one of the only ways to escape a prison marriage like this, I hate to say.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/25 06:48 PM
1

If it wasn’t for my child, I would cash out my 401k, my savings, work a ton of a overtime for a year and move to Mexico 🇲🇽
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 06:28 PM
1

Yeah couldn’t agree more. When I married her (eloped) I did so for a child and stability, and look back and I never married her for her. I was so dumb. My salary from my job back then was only $32,000. A lot has happened and got a new career that pays a lot more. I am now eating this shit sandwich I got myself into. As much as I can’t stand her for how abusive she was, I also deep down knew this wouldn’t work. Now here I am divorcing a high conflict person in a high conflict divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 06:26 PM
1

Hey man. Your post hit home for me actually. This is exactly have I’ve been feeling the last few days. I know my friends good annoyed and my family does too, they just don’t say it. Same story to my therapist I talk to every week (never thought I’d hire a therapist). I also have several reasons for why I wanted to divorce my wife and things I can’t stand about her, but also suffering with maybe guilt or anxiety as I made a couple big mistakes as well. She was abusive but I did my things when I w…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 05:53 PM
1

Gosh that sounds horrible. Just read both of his articles. I will read your posts as well. Yes, lay offs or losing my job are a fear of mine. I was once poor and rose up the career latter. I just couldn’t deal with my wife. I knew she would eventually get me fired with her manic behavior.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 05:08 PM
1

Ahh. You’re very right. My attorney said this same thing and told me to try my best to stay in the house to avoid that. It’s just a pressure cooker and a ticking clock until the cops are called.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 05:04 PM
2

That is worst case scenario. My attorney is recommending mediation or we are filing. Tired of the back and forth. The $700 is for 40/60. That’s with me paying health insurance and child care as well. If it wasn’t for that my CS would be around. 50/50 will at least reduce my CS to $500 a month or so. We are offering $760 in alimony for 4 years. They asked me to pay $550 for 5 years, but we were only married for 8 years. 6 if you could separation. In my state you pay alimony for half the length of…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 08:53 PM
2

Ahh gotcha we looked at that if I move out. Is it provisional and payments made during separation deducted from post divorce alimony?
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 03:47 PM
1

Same where I’m at. See my latest comment.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 03:39 PM
2

What if a judge orders a financial discovery? I jokingly looked at that option, and in the eyes of a contentious ex and opposing counsel - quitting a stable job could show reckless behavior and affect custody. My state goes on average income over the last 3-5 years. So quitting my career would be obvious, plus I’m on a 5 year stay contract at work. I’d have to pay back hundreds of thousands, unless I get yet another attorney for an employer suit. I appreciate your optimism, but it’s not a realit…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 03:38 PM
2

What’s APL?
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 03:35 PM
1

So did you stay? I stacked up years of abuse to hold as leverage. She’s scared shitless and wants to stay out of court, so it’s helped to some regard. But now she’s accusing me of child abuse and marital affairs before separation.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 03:35 PM
1

Appreciate it. We did try to get them to do mediation. My ex and her attorney claimed this divorce is too “emotionally” charged for a conference settlement. I almost thought about calling their bluff and having my attorney file for an at fault hearing for a physical cruelty (tons of documented assaults from her). Then maybe they would cave to have the hearing dismissed and go to mediation. Or worse case scenario they say fuck it, and a trial actually happens. So for clarification I did offer her…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 11:48 AM
1

Damn how did you get by?
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 11:41 AM
1

I feel mine is getting this way. She was abusive towards me for years with evidence against her. So last night she found a small bruise on my kids arm who is special needs. She comes at me and asks if I abused our child. Then says she is reaching out to her lawyer about this. I of course would never do such a thing. What some crazy shit. Damn man how did we marry these crazy women. Best of luck to you bro. I hope your ex gets burned, that is so messed up.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 05:23 AM
3

The system sucks man but you don’t have to stay. I thought the same thing. I waited for awhile to tell her I was divorcing.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 04:15 AM
3

Pre-nups can still be voided or highly challenged. Better make sure that mf is beefed up and written to utter perfection. You both need separate attorneys as well. She will get attorney that will say add this, this and this. Butttt a pre-nup is better than no pre-nup. Maybe convince her to just dating without interference from the government?
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 02:57 AM
1

lol I didn’t literally ask when it came to serving her. But in my state you have to be separated for a year and must prove with intent you separated. I told her “we” are divorcing. She was pissed and took her almost exactly a year to hire an attorney because she was in denial. Hell, she still is. So I got an attorney on retainer and got shit together during that separation time.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 05:15 PM
3

Naw bro. Shit happens. You are juggling a lot and stress plays a heavy toll on our routine and memory. I haven’t forgotten the mortgage payment yet, but I have forgot to pay utilities and the HOA on a couple of occasions. Divorce stress, attorneys, kids, work, the ex - it all adds up. Kind of sucks ass how bone headed the bank was on one missed payment that was an accident.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 03:59 PM
3

I cheated too but never felt ashamed for it like I should have. My wife put her hands on me often and was very controlling. I felt financially constrained although I didn’t love her. I also loved seeing my child every day. But then I woke up, got past the sunk cost fallacy of finances, I had a toxic wife, I didn’t love her for it, and I did wrong by distracting myself with other women. I realized I could also be a better dad by getting my kid out of the toxic world she was experiencing. I asked …
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 11:30 PM
1

I get this part 100%. No family near, demanding job, but ex was crazy, but always to me.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 10:47 AM
1

I’m in this same divorce process now. Divorcing a mean, manipulative and violent woman who wants to now burn the world since I chose to leave this hell of a marriage. Sorry you’re going through it. Mine is alienating mine as well now. She’s told her this, “your dad is sleeping with 20 year old whores”. Geez, I wish. But in all seriousness, what a shitty thing to say to a child even if that was true. How did your divorce fair? Did you have to go to trial? I wanted to avoid a family court trial, b…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 10:46 AM
2

Man it’s truly awful how people can interfere in a relationship or marriage and brainwash people. Was the marriage pretty great before the interference? Hoping for the best for you. I’m the one who filed in my case and still get hit with fear and guilt even though my ex was toxic. I still mourn at times and the dotted line still isn’t signed.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 03:06 AM
3

I’m going to PM you - I have some questions. We have similar incomes.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 02:15 AM
7

Damn bro. Hope things get better. I’m here two years separated. She’s threatening to quit working to strengthen her alimony and CS. Flipped her shit after she saw the new child support calculations by agreeing more time with the kid. Now she’s retracting her statement, and claiming in the “best interest of the child” my job is too demanding. Yet she is ready to enjoy the financially benefits from my job, while she looks at dropping hers. I hate it. I also get your resentment completely.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 01:33 AM
1

lol trust me I get it bro. Not sure your age, but I’m 35. I always told myself worst case scenario, I’d move to Mexico after my kid turns 18. But then realized I’d miss my kid dearly. What’s your income gap look like? If you want to PM me we can chat.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 10:02 PM
3

Damn. I have to pay mine a lot of alimony and quite a bit of CS for 50/50 I’d rather get it over with now. Not sure if mine cheated but she was abusive and crazy. Met my wits end and decided happiness is worth more than money. If I waited, id be paying much more down the line
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 04:21 AM
1

I’m 2.5 years separated with a lengthy divorce. Mine still does that to me after all of this. I was the one that wanted out too. Similar reasons plus she has a volatile temper.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 04:04 AM
5

Please pass the knowledge to me!! I’m divorcing a violent, controlling, hostile and high conflict spouse who wants to drag out the divorce in hopes I throw in the towel. She literally tells me on some days that she will “never let me go”. She also loves to tell me she kill the next bitch I date. I wish I was kidding, but she is also obsessed with me. Encouraged her to date while we’re divorcing and she becomes unglued. My oh my how I wish a woman with a good head on their shoulders was a fighter…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 08:42 AM
2

Attraction is definitely important. Although not the main reason for my divorce happening it was one of many. Mine had a high temper, just vile and mean. I think it came from multiple things, but I sadly also think because she could never be happiness with herself. She ended up becoming unattractive to me psychologically and physically. She gained a ton of weight after we married. Could never get her to workout or go for walks. Couch and potato chips was her idea of a good night. Anytime I tried…
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/25 08:36 AM
5

I filed and going through the divorce process. Been a long road. Regret and the fear of my routine changing scared me. But when I looked deep it wasn’t my wife I’d miss, just the things we had. I still suffer from the anxiety of regret and sunken cost fallacy, but I think that’s probably normal. Fear of the unknown too.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 05:00 AM
1

Do you not have an expiration of the house? Mine is staying in the home for one year after the dissolution of marriage date. It has to be sold or she’s in contempt and we split the sale 50/50.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 05:11 AM
2

Thanks brother. It’s deep and it hurts moving on and filing on her. Sometimes I want to throw in the towel and cave to the routine (even though it was an unhealthy life for me at least). Leaving behind a life where I had money, a nice home in a neighborhood and MOST of all not seeing my kid every day really hurts. But what I tolerated wasn’t good for my kid or myself. Now just arguing custody and hopefully will be finished soon. Right when I see light at the end of the tunnel, she brings more dr…
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 03:12 AM
3

Yeah this. I’m sure it hurts. It’s the opposite for my ex. She’s dragging out the divorce so I’ve explored and she gets jealous and tries to control me like I’m hers. Not been a whore by any means, but I’ve come to terms with things. I guess some people look at the separation phase as still being morally together, but what would then be the point of separating and getting divorced. Some separation phases last literal years like mine has. I’m sure OP didn’t want the divorce and that can make it h…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 10:30 PM
3

Try offering a tapered off amount. That’s what we’re about to do. Her and her counsel asked for 5 years of alimony which exceeds my states requirement - which is half the length of marriage. Only married 8 years but separated for 2 years.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/25 06:54 PM
1

Ah gotcha. Not far behind. Splitting the home 50/50, $35k cash pay out (so far) and $10k in legal fees. She suffers with traits of a personality disorder, so may eventually just have to go to trial to get this over with. Hoping to avoid that though.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 04:17 AM
1

How did you fair out
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 03:31 AM
1

You are correct. At most, excluded as you said. Opposing counsel would just scream for the evidence to be thrown out and would blab about how the recorder was x, y, z. In a one party state it’s free game - especially in common areas, living rooms, etc. Even in the room you sleep in, if the ex barges in - record. Just don’t ever go into the ex wife’s room intentionally to record a conversation - that could be seen as a provocation. Only times I can think of sanctions being filed in two party stat…
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 03:25 AM
3

I’d talk with a lawyer, but yes in an emergency absolutely record. I live in a one party state and my contentious ex is fucking crazy and is unpredictable. My phone is almost always recording lol
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 11:12 PM
1

Yeah so shitty
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 10:44 PM
2

Yes make sure of this. It can be a crime and used against someone in a two party state.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 10:43 PM
10

I left too. There were red flags before but knocked her up when we dated and wanted to be there for the kid, plus she was nicer back then. Her anger got worse and never supported/nagged constantly. She hated working, lazy, etc. Physical abuse was the final straw. I gave too many chances. She’s trying to fuck me financially but I’m fighting back. Got out somewhat early - making it a short term marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 10:30 PM
7

Sad truth lol. I’m dating a woman with no kids who is early thirties and successful, but I always expect the worst mentally. She still hasn’t met my child, so I just put it in the back of my mind that she may leave one day. Plus I have a crazy crazy and I mean crazy ex!
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 02:27 PM
3

Not a good strategy. You’ll be running up legal bills, then she could eventually push for a trial and you put the ball in the courts hands. A trial will be very costly if it’s contested (which it seems it is). Also you can move on with your life sooner - there are more fish in the sea. If she’s possibly got an AP, ask to keep the house as a quick settlement if she has affair fog.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 02:54 PM
1

I’m sort of in the same boat. She works, but doesn’t make near what I make.. I’m looking at $600 alimony and a lengthy custody back and forth (travel for my job is being used against me). If she gets the custody she wants, CS would be between $800-$1000 a month. I work for the Gov too. We are also contested - could have had this hashed out a year ago, but she intends to be hard headed and wants to drain me financially as punishment. She’s also getting a chunk of my TSP. Are you surrendering any …
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/25 03:07 PM
2

Are we divorcing the same woman. I found my clothes in the shower a couple months ago. She goes through my mail. Puts leftover food on the hood of my car. Did you initiate the divorce? I did because of her immaturity and craziness - it just made her more crazy lol.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/25 12:47 AM
6

You’re in a tough spot and where I was and trying to get out of. My stbx told me right before I filed for divorce, “a real man can handle little slaps here and there from his wife”. She tried to justify being violent to me over the dumbest shit. Boy how did I tolerate that shit? Anyways, making a tough and contentious exit and divorce battle
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 08:34 PM
1

Yes this was me. Lol high sex drive just helped fit the pieces of the puzzle to get myself out there. I’m no male model either. Just an average Joe who works out, stays active, etc. I thought being a single dad would kill the vibes - but most women like it. Maybe cause my kid is older. Who knows. Best of luck guys. Overthinking it can kill the game.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 04:11 AM
6

My wife was the domestic abuser. She never apologized for her angry outbursts to me over the years. In her minds eye it never happened, although i have tons of recordings. When she’s exposed she doubles down that slapping and hitting a man isn’t as serious and I should “grow a pair of balls and be a man, and just suck it up”. She never cared how it affected everyone. She blamed hormones, me, others or like I said, flat out denied it. Now she’s mad I’m leaving her.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/25 01:31 AM
1

I wouldn’t say it’s completely siding with me. They are funding her legal fees, but they understand and get it. The issues with her temper was to the point we tried to do an intervention of sorts and get her into therapy. Of course, she declined and blew a gasket. She’s got a very foul temper. I got a call around the holidays she assaulted her mom. She unfortunately digs her own grave. They still love her I’m sure, as she goes on vacations and visits them. It’s just hard to defend her behavior w…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/25 06:08 PM
3

File bro and record when she’s crazy, it’s what I did. It gave me leverage in the divorce and had as protection in case police ever got called. Your marriage mirrors mine. My ex was abusive - verbally and physically too. Huge anger issues. No one likes her, not even her family sadly. They pretty much sided with me when I filed for divorce. She was very lazy and never helped with house chores, could never hold a job and we had not one thing in common. Her idea of a fun day is sitting on the couch…
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 11:53 PM
3

Yep - mines over two years so far.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 01:59 AM
2

Same
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 01:58 AM
1

Did court workout for you? We’re stuck on custody and a crazy pay out that is above state standards
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 02:12 AM
1

PM me. I was the bread winner and worked a job similar to how describe with the schedule. They can and will use your jobs schedule against you. At least is the case for me currently
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 01:28 AM
1

Are you in a trial phase? Did your attorney not give push back?
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 01:10 AM
7

This! People don’t realize the filing as single makes a huge difference. I’m down $1,000+ net a month just filing single.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 12:51 AM
1

I just hit my $11k mark today haha. Attorney is trying to schedule a settlement conference (less formal mediation). Ex’s demands are crazy. I guess crazy is, crazy does. I mean after all, I am divorcing someone because of how crazy and immature they acted, so why should I be surprised how they act during a divorce? lol
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 02:16 AM
2

Oh for sure. A trial in my case would probably cost $75,000 according to my lawyer. My ex is very high conflict, and maybe has BPD (who knows). My attorney talked me off the ledge for now.. At least he’s not trying to suck me completely dry, yet. I appreciate his honesty, which is rare in attorneys. The guy I almost hired before him was hell bent on a trial from the start when I went to meet him for my consultation.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 01:22 AM
1

Oh that makes more sense. That’s still a lot of money - especially for two days.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 01:21 AM
1

That’s what we’re trying. Her demands are insane though. I haven’t plenty to file at fault for physical cruelty (spousal abuse), but my attorney said at fault isn’t really worth the squeeze. At most I’ll dodge alimony of $500 for 3 years, but a trial will cost more than the alimony stipend alone would lol. He was honest and said I’d be paying him more legal fees in the long run. All of this sucks though.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 12:28 AM
3

What state are you in? My attorney, and some friends I have who are attorneys highly advise against a divorce trial in my state. I guess it’s insanely expensive if it’s highly contested like mine.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 11:49 PM
1

Dude wtf? My stbx asked the same thing. She now thinks I have all these secret baby mommas. We’ve been separated over two years but she’s highly jealous. She also wants a clause in the settlement where I won’t date for two years post divorce. She also wants 50% of my income, full custody, the house, and for me to absorb her debt - oh, but she also wants to stay married as a way to keep me bound in her arms. She was crazy, spoiled and physically abusive. Now she’s lost her marbles, and it’s been …
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 11:47 PM
2

Damn $2500 for a trial? You must be in a rural area? Settlement negotiations are going nowhere and I’ve thought about a trial, but my lawyer said it would cost an easy $75,000 or more due to my unpredictable ex as she’s crazy. We’ve been trying this soft negotiations, but it goes nowhere..
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 11:43 PM
3

Dude same. I got an invoice for $404 at the beginning of the month, and just got another one for $1100 today. I feel like nothing is happening except an expensive hamster wheel we’re all on. At the point I’m thinking stupid and willing to go to trial, but the earliest hearing we can get is early March of 2026.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 11:41 PM
6

Good post. I’m divorcing someone who has heavy Borderline Traits. Our divorce has been a hamster wheel and full of drama. I feel with NPD and BPD you are almost divorcing their ego. My divorce has been hell on earth, and the abandonment issues she has are top tier. She can’t fathom that I divorced her because of her violent temper and aggressive form of trying to control.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 09:29 PM
1

Only for rights to the home and I live in a high cola area. I can’t afford rent and the mortgage. She refuses to pay and barely makes anything. I’m trying to force a sale. But yeah, I can’t stand her dude. I find hobbies and things to keep me out of the house in a way that doesn’t affect my custody battle. So every other weekend and some during the week I’ll go hang with chicks or friends, or just go kayaking haha
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/25 10:28 PM
2

I’m in this boat sorta, but with kids. I stayed in the home but it has been hell. They refuse to budge and with each meeting we have their demands become more and more and more. Now she wants the house altogether. Afraid I may have to chance taking this to trial and let a judge make the decision. Surely can’t be worse for what her and her attorney want?
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/25 12:27 PM
2

Damn I get it dude. That sucks and I’ve thought about a go fund me as well. Are you in negotiations or trial phase? We were close to settlement back in the spring. Now her and her attorney demands are even crazier. They’ve both gone bull dog and went from asking for 1/3 of my salary to half of my salary. So essentially I’ll pay her one of my paychecks a month, they demand she stays in the house, and I only see my child 4 days a month? The pathetic thing is, they are using my career that paid the…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/25 09:25 AM
1

Hey man I’m here to say I get it, but if she’s sweet with you it’s worth one last shot maybe. But at the end of the day I don’t know your situation fully and happiness does matter. I was in the same boat in many ways with no interests whatsoever, complete opposites, stbx didn’t have many friends and couldn’t keep them, and she pushed her family away with her attitude. She tried her best to be sweet at times but she had a really mean side and was occasionally abusive early on. I sometimes wonder …
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 02:31 AM
1

Doesn’t sound like it, but good question for an attorney. If you owned the properties before marriage you should be good.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/25 06:07 PM
1

So they are aggressive towards you as well? I’ve received 4 baseless claims and name calling from her attorney. I guess collecting bourbon and drinking it occasionally makes me a raging alcoholic. Oh, and I spend money on cigarettes instead of child care. Hmm news to me. I haven’t habitually smoked in 10 years. My kid is 12. I socially smoke once in a blue moon lol. I just get weary with my attorney. He’s supposed to be top notch but he seems too nice while they drag my name through the mud. Doe…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/25 05:11 PM
2

Man I needed to hear this. I didn’t develop a bad drinking problem, but ex and her attorney are using my bourbon collection I hardly touch against me. It’s laughable but also very frustrating. I too stayed unhappy out of the fears you mentioned. Divorcing a possible BPD has been a nightmare for me though.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/25 11:45 PM
1

What state are you in? I see mine going this direction. Opposing counsel and soul sucking ex send allegation after allegation to my attorney to leave a paper trail, as I calmly keep my distance from her. I hired an experienced senior attorney who just seems too nice compared to her feminist bull dog attorney. The system is fucked and I feel the system doesn’t take men serious. I hate this shit.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/25 11:43 PM
1

Same story. Don’t make near as much as you, and I quit doing overtime. I make $150k, and before changing w4 filings, I would bring home about $85 net. Now I bring home $600 less biweekly just by changing tax filing due to upcoming divorce. Ex and attorney demand $2k a month. That will leave her with $6k net cash and me about $3,100 net cash in a high COLA area. The rounds of allegations too are unnerving. I’m about to fire my “patient and nice” attorney and get someone who is willing to stand up…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/25 11:39 PM
7

Hey man I’m in the same boat. I started the process over a year ago. My stbx wife didn’t accept it at first, and still doesn’t. She finally lawyered up a few months ago, but wants to scorch the earth now as revenge. It’s either stay in a toxic marital prison, or bleed me dry financially if I continue on the path with divorce. Her toxic and high conflict personality has ramped up lately. It was hard on my daughter at first, but she’s come around and see’s the bigger picture. The sad thing is, she…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/25 02:33 AM
3

This was me too. Wife was lazy, toxic, bad with money, gained tons of weight and worst of all mean and physically abusive. The physical abuse has ranged from not taking no as an answer, emotional immaturity, and as of late - jealousy and a nasty attitude that I’m leaving her.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 11:15 AM
4

Damn bro. For me: her temper, violent mood swings, laziness, lack of drive, emotional immaturity, lack of will power and possible cheating I discovered before we married (she denies it). Could add ten more things lol. More reasons to leave than to stay. Kid and finances kept me tied down for a while.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/25 02:41 AM
13

That’s rare but she’s in an affair fog it seems, so take advantage of that.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 01:48 AM
5

You dodged more red flags down the road with her bro. She was not a keeper, no offense. I’ve been there though, so I get it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 01:02 AM
3

No, I get it dude. I experienced quite the same shit I also left several times in my career for specialized training. Some times for 4-6 months at a time. I would get sent overseas last minute with short notice, and have to do domestic details as well. Every time I was gone, I’d come back to a trashed house. I’m saying so bad, that if a social worker came over, our daughter could have possibly been taken away. She would sit on the couch and stuff her face with mounds of junk food, gain over a hu…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 12:49 AM
4

Divorcing an immature and lazy woman myself. Unlike you though, I have a child. So add another layer of legal challenges and stress. What you described with the laziness, home, etc was and is my stbx to the tee. She also would get assaultive towards me any time she was called out. Maybe 3-4 times a year she would deep clean, but that was it. It’s always up to me to pay the bills, clean, buy the home, bail her out, etc. Luckily you also are smarter than me and called it quits early on.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 12:02 AM
1

Yep. Same story here. I’m fighting for 50/50. In all honesty it will be hard with my job, but I can hopefully make it work. I don’t mind paying either. I think 50/50 puts mine around $800. But of course I’d have to supplement with alimony, which is fine as it would only be 3 years. She’s so toxic and chaotic that I’m happy to pay my fee to exit this hell of a marriage lol.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 02:55 PM
1

Could be your state is more strict. My ex wants 70% custody, if granted, my CS would be $1500 a month. Our income disparity is a lot greater though. I’m $150k and she makes $50k.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 01:38 PM
1

This is so true. I’m divorcing a high conflict, toxic and obsessive stbx wife. It’s been scorched earth and everything must burn due to her shattered ego. She can’t fathom the fact I want to divorce her.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 01:19 PM
1

I’m in a similar boat. At least your wife makes decent money. I make 3x my stbx salary, and it sucks looking at what her and her attorney want each month. I make about $150k, and she makes $50k. Before that, she never held a job. Not sure how I will even survive, especially considering I probably won’t be able to claim the kid on my taxes. My take home net pay is already weak as fuck when you factor in pension, social security, 401k, insurance plans, etc. Claiming single with no dependents took …
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 01:18 PM
2

$1000 CS for 50/50, and your pay isn’t extremely far apart. Is this agreed between you two, or the state mandated amount?
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 11:42 PM
1

Original message was deleted, but the guy said something about “that’s why he dates petite women”. I’d rather a small girl hit me, than a woman who is almost twice my size lol. To answer your question - NO. I let my ex lay her hands on me all day and never laid a hand back.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 02:09 AM
2

I hear that. My ex wants to avoid court because she knows I have bonfide video proof of physical abuse from her. Countless videos I may add. She threatens it, I say go ahead. Then she says, “let’s just settle this under my terms”. The problem with a trial besides the money, is the waiting period for a court date, then another court date, then another. The whole system is a scam. I’ve come to terms on forking out my net worth and selling the home. It’s the monthly stipend she wants with alimony a…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 04:38 PM
1

lol my soon to be ex was bigger than me (not how it was entering the marriage). Junk food and laziness can make one grow. But yeah, petite from here on out. Although she was quite fit years ago.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 03:30 AM
1

Oh yeah dude for sure, attorney also made my wife more greedy. Before we were treading 50/50. Her attorney sends pointless emails to my attorney to make me look like the aggressive one, when I do everything I can under cohabitation to stay away from her. I guess grey rocking her is emotional abuse. So pathetic man.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 01:52 AM
5

Hot damn bro. I get the cohabitation part for sure. We are under the same roof too and it’s getting contentious, but not as much as yours. We are hung up on custody as well. My stbx proposed 2 weekends a month Friday evening until Sunday afternoon, every other weekend and some pathetic time of 3 hours on every other Wednesday. Solely trying to avoid court because of the back log here as well, and the extreme cost. I have more than enough evidence for an at fault divorce, but I’d have to go throu…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 03:51 PM
5

Normally would be the case for me, but my in laws also can’t stand their daughter and sister.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/25 12:52 AM
2

Brother. I can’t thank you enough for reaching out. As much as I honestly hate to hear others go through this, it’s good to find someone to talk to who has and is going through something so similar. Especially with the complexity of a clearance involved. I have notified a high ranking supervisor in my office of the high conflict divorce I’m going through. I really appreciate the detailed response and time you took. This was very helpful to read. I will PM you later bro. I’ve definitely considere…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/25 06:46 PM
1

How long did you wait to file again? Even if mine agreed man, idk if I could wait. I can’t stand her and she’s blood sucking..
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/25 03:20 PM
1

Man I appreciate the advice. I did offer that ultimatum about a year ago and she absolutely refused. She said she would take me back but she would NEVER sign a postnuptial. Sometimes I think about throwing in the hat to keep my money and have my kid under nice home in a quiet neighborhood. But then remember my wife keeps the drama going. I would say before I told her I wanted to divorce her rage fits and meltdowns were more random, and maybe only happened a handful of times a year. Once I told h…
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/25 10:37 AM
1

Oh absolutely. I’ve grey rocked for two years. Sadly it just makes it worse. I’ve become a pro at this point at walking away and just couch surfing when things get tense at home.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/25 10:35 AM
4

Man good to hear. She sounds mature over all though, and took it well. Sounds like you approached it pretty well. Mine had an absolute rage fit and melt down, but I’m also divorcing a high conflict person. I tried to approach it in an easy manner with mine, and it still went bad. Some days she accepts it, other days it’s scorched earth and she wants to make my life hell as she says
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 10:57 AM
1

How many kids do you have? I have one.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 09:18 AM
1

Damn that’s quite a bit. Mine is calculated at $1500 for the days my wife is proposing. Her and her attorney propose just 4 days a month I’d have with her. I’m definitely not agreeing to that. If I get 50/50 it would be closer to $800 a month.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 12:55 AM
2

Thanks brother. Very helpful tips. I started the grey rock method almost two years ago. I sleep in a separate room and record anytime she comes near me now. I’ve taken pictures of all the scratch marks and bruises she’s caused. These are helpful tips and I appreciate your time to post them. It’s funny how I find myself as a successful person in my career and as a father, but get so stumped by my wife’s behavior.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 12:29 AM
3

Thanks man. I read this book and it was very helpful.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 12:27 AM
2

Amen brother. Unfortunately I’ll have to maintain some contact because of the child. It really is a ticket out of jail when it comes to handing over the money.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 12:27 AM
1

Man how much was the salary difference between you two?
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 12:26 AM
1

Thanks. I definitely have hours of recordings from the phone.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 12:26 AM
1

Hey man, thanks for your response. I was the one to file. We both live under the same roof, but I try to leave some during the week and every other weekend to keep the peace (which sometimes still makes it worse). My stbx has abandonment issues and gets angry if i leave. I have been attacked several times and record it. I know I should call the cops but I’m way too nice. Last time I wanted to, she started marking at her own arms and through my phone downstairs before I could record. She claimed …
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 12:25 AM
2

Man I’m truly glad it worked out for you. I’ve also tried being nice and sometimes it works. Then she has a tantrum and meltdown and we are back to square one. Custody went from 50/50 to her now wanting the child 90% of the time. Of course I won’t agree to that.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 12:16 AM
1

I’m in the same boat man. It’s a nightmare. I know exactly what you’re going through. Reach out if you need anything.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 09:57 AM
5

File first in Nevada.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 09:50 AM
2

I simply cant be married to her any longer. I would just be absolutely miserable. She makes enough to rent, but she can’t afford the mortgage. She’s just spoiled and grew up getting everything handed to her. She will also get a hefty pay out from the home and my 401k if and when things are finalized. I look at us a paying for a freedom and peace. How did your divorce turn out?
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 08:18 PM
7

Mine gained over a 100 lbs while married. Anytime I asked her to workout (even wasted money on unused gym memberships), tried to ask her to eat healthy with me, etc. Now that we’re getting divorced she’s on ozempic. Lol funny how it works like that.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 03:53 PM
3

This was me. I paid all the big bills and still helped with grocery, day care and other child care expenses. Now she tells her attorney I never helped with childcare expenses. She got to do whatever she wanted with her money and it was a third of my salary as well. It’s somehow my fault she couldn’t manage her income.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 02:48 PM
1

Consultations are the first step. It took me a lot of soul searching to really get the ball rolling. After my first consultation I still didn’t really have the energy but told my stbx wife I was moving to the guest room and seeking divorce. She went crazy. Fast forward 7-8 more months and I did two more consultations to shop around and chose the third attorney. It’s been a roller coaster ever since. For me, my wife didn’t accept I wanted to divorce and still hasn’t. Long story, but she was vicio…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 09:55 PM
2

I’ll PM you later when I get off work. I was and am in a similar situation with an abusive wife. In the hurdles of divorce now.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 06:58 PM
3

Yep. Best you can do is record. Domestic violence is one type of assault crime in most states where you can be arrested without a visible injury. My wife has hit me countless times. I got good with recording it, and sitting up my phone when I would see signs of her mood getting worse. So many times I wanted to call the cops, maybe should. But she would have claimed victimhood if I did, and claimed self defense as she said. Although I’ve never touched her. Not one time. They learn this technique …
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/25 10:22 PM
3

In same boat man and in the battle now with attorneys. I convinced mine to get a full time job a year ago and that helped a lot. But still also have to pay quite a bit. Yea, it sucks when your checks go from married w/ dependents to single. You will lose about $600 a check alone on that.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 04:16 PM
1

Mine has threatened self harm several times. I started to realize it was manipulation to get me to stay and change my mind. I’m a fool for marrying her lol. I got baby trapped and wanted a stable life after the unexpected. Boy was I fooled.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 03:26 AM
3

Good luck man. She seems more sane than my stbx. I got punched in the balls when I told mine I wanted a divorced. That re-assured me I was making the right decision.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 12:48 AM
2

Mine is currently coming after almost $2k net a month. I’ll be in the same boat. Even though I make 3x her salary, she will have more tangible cash monthly. Of course fighting for 50/50, but her and her bogus attorney are trying to say I can only see my kid two weekends a month due to my demanding job. Hoping I get close to 50/50. I can’t imagine working a job like mine and giving her that much, not to mention she gets half my 401k and half from the house I bought. I feel I’d have no motivation …
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/25 05:28 PM
2

I keep having stress dreams of me losing my home (which obviously will happen I can’t afford it after this divorce). My funds will be slashed in half. Sucks to lose an empire you built when the stbx hardly contributed..
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/25 02:25 PM
2

This is true for sure. Especially when lots of money was spent.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 05:55 PM
9

You have to prove sex actually happened. I got my wife on video admitting. Nothing happened, no one cares sadly
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 11:00 AM
3

I’ve already agreed to half of assets. At this point it’s the price of my insanity. She is soul sucking. A thorn in my side. The only love I have for her is that she is the mother of my child.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/25 10:34 PM
5

Plus add your net income on your pay checks will shrink a few hundred dollars biweekly when you change to single from married. In the same boat bro. Sucks absolute ass.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/25 08:09 PM
2

Hey man I’m in a similar situation. My wife possibly has BPD or just a vile person. She gets violent towards me with trivial things, blame games, lazy and apathetic about adult life. Also have a kid with a cognitive issue (not autism). It took a few years for me to muster the courage to ask for a divorce. I knew nothing would ever change. She supposedly tried therapy, but that didn’t work. I got tired of walking on egg shells and waking up embarrassed and full of regret each day. Now we are in t…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/25 01:46 PM
2

That’s a massive uphill battle with someone with borderline personality disorder. Therapy is hardly effective. The abandonment and attachment issues become explosive and dangerous to the other spouse when life doesn’t go their way. If OP wants to walk on eggshells and have the kids witness this nonsense is good for no one (if he has any). Hopefully therapy could work for his sake though.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 04:05 PM
1

This is me too. Also 8 years in. Divorcing someone with possible BPD is hell on earth. Not sure if your ex was violent, but mine was especially once the divorce words were uttered. Now it’s like trying to break up with a spoiled teenager with an explosive temper.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 03:53 PM
1

Seems like you got a good financial plan figured out. Mine is contentious to the point she’s pushed her own parents away. Even my own soon to be ex in laws communicate through me. My mortgage is $2300, then also a $300 HOA fee. I unfortunately live in a high COLA area. As it stands, for our one kid she will be getting over $1000 a month in CS and that’s about 40% custody for me. Just like you, custody is a headache with my job. I can exactly afford to quit and just find something in my field tha…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 02:00 PM
1

It’s a hard pill to swallow, but selling is the best option. I’m in the same boat bro. I bought the house, great neighborhood and my daughter loves it. But my wife is horrible with money and would hardly make enough to pay the mortgage even with child support and alimony (she will blow it all on stupid shit and fuck my credit up). I would love to refi under HELOC, but with the rates are too high, and after paying her a monthly stipend, idk how I’d afford it. Also keep in mind your pay checks shr…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 11:19 AM
2

In a similar situation and going through the hoops. I’ll PM you when I get off from work.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 05:53 PM
3

Ahh gotcha. I think moving out would have helped a lot, but my attorney makes a good point that it will just drag out further. My wife’s name is not on the loan, and she has stated she will not pay a cent towards it. I offered temporary alimony and CS until settlement to rent a place, but her attorney has stated to stay put as well. It’s been hell in earth ever since.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 04:42 PM
14

My wife and I were on this route as well, until she got a lawyer. Now it’s the back and forth bullshit. But great news man. I was hoping for an outcome like this, but now it’s crazy demands. Congrats though man!
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 04:40 PM
6

Did your wife ever accept it? Mine still can’t accept it and we’ve been separated for some time. Maybe living under the same roof is the issue, but we’re both stuck at the home per attorney advice from both ends. Long story short, she’s just extremely emotionally immature and has serious anger issues that are normally directed at me or anyone who opposes any opinion she has. With that, it’s made the whole thing a drama fest. Essentially I got tired of her shit and the embarrassment she brings wi…
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 02:41 PM
3

“Administrative courtesy” is perfect to describe my long drawn out divorce. I’m the one that initiated it, but it was dead for years for various reasons.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 01:58 AM
2

Looking at $600 a month with 50/50. Her and her attorney are using my job against me, and fighting for 30/50 which would make it almost double. If I was a dead beat and didn’t want to see my kid, I would be looking at a hefty $2k a month. Another thing helping my case is I am agreeing to take on all health insurance and medical bills for my child. In my state health insurance is deducted from child support, and I pay quite a bit for health insurance. If it wasn’t for that, I’d be looking at a lo…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 06:25 PM
0

Amen to this. It’s what I did. She finally got a job that was full time. I still make 3x her pay, but a lot better than when she wasn’t working. Before I was looking at $2k in alimony, now it’s $760 a month worst case scenario. Dont even get me started on child support..
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 03:58 AM
3

Oh for sure. The thing is I have tons of recordings, ring footage. She’s fried with the evidence I have. My attorney let hers know that the videos show clear and convincing proof of cruelty, plus her saying god awful things.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 10:57 PM
20

Then what’s crazy is when the female is abusive no one cares. The response I’ve got on Reddit and from other women especially is, “well you must have done something to make her attack you”. That’s also the bullshit narrative her and her bitch attorney are going with. I “provoke” her to be attacked? Oh ok, yeah, I totally like being kicked in the nuts when she doesn’t get her way. Reverse the roles? You’d be in prison for felony domestic violence. Crazy world man.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 10:20 PM
6

How long were you married?
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 12:16 AM
2

This right here! I tried sticking it out. If I left 3 years ago, my alimony would have been for two years. Now I’m looking at 3.5 years of alimony. The long her stays the more he pays in the long run. Not to mention the build of wealth that gets cut in half. Imagine what your 401k is at 15 years from now. She gets half of that, which will be a lot more than it is now.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 08:05 PM
1

Yes - record and record, even if it’s just audio. I’ve got recordings of threatening parental alienation, physical abuse videos, etc. I was in a similar situation as you. Stayed for years for the kid, but a mean and vindictive wife will take a toll on you.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 03:49 PM
3

Mine assaulted me a few weeks ago to force me to delete them. Unfortunately I didn’t record that part, I did record her trying to break into the guest room I sleep in, while demanding I delete the videos I have from past assaults.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/25 10:10 PM
1

I cry about the memories, although many were chaotic. I married a woman who had a really mean side and was perhaps wired differently as my in laws put it best. She had and still has a sweet side. She loved me a lot, but in a very toxic, controlling and unhealthy manner. I sometimes cry because I worry about her as well. I love her, but no longer in a romantic sense (not sure if I ever did). I will miss the convenience of marriage and being one family, seeing my kid everyday, the holidays, etc. I…
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/25 07:27 PM
1

How did this change things for you? My stbx wife’s attorney tries to claim my videos are blackmail and harassment? Lol not sure how video evidence of someone attacking me and being evil is blackmail? It was protection at the time in case cops got called to the house..
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/25 06:30 PM
3

Send these to a friend and send them to an email. That’s what I did. Then hire an attorney. My wife’s attorney sent a letter to my attorney saying I’m “mean and manipulative”. They think I have these videos, pictures and audio recordings deleted - however, I do not. lol.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/25 06:28 PM
2

I get it. Dealing with the same thing bro. I believe my stbx is just wired differently as her mother so eloquently put it the other day. She just can’t be reasoned with, and taking no for answer is not something she can do. She since has gone for blood and now I am being labeled the manipulative and “aggressive” one by her attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 07:24 PM
3

I get in this same rut. We’ve been separated under the same roof for almost two years since I announced I wanted a divorce. Now that the wheels are moving and we are looking at finally being done before the summer comes, I get this feeling of guilt and maybe it’s a trauma bond of sorts. It’s hard to let go of the fact I won’t see my kid everyday, I’ll be dead broke and won’t own a home anymore. We had a child out of wedlock in our early 20s. We went from living in her parents house, to an apartm…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 05:14 PM
1

Idk if this is a troll or what. Last paragraph has me super lost lol.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 05:45 AM
2

I called a friend who used to be a divorce attorney is now a judge. He gave me great advice.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 03:16 PM
5

You’re already thinking smart. An attorney consult is the right step.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 01:18 AM
1

Sunken cost fallacy. I’ve been there too. Been in the guest room now for two years. The light seems to be at the end of the tunnel. Tentative goal is to settle before summer so we can sell the house during the hot market home selling season. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/25 06:02 AM
5

She can buy a good humble home with half the equity split when it sells.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/25 04:18 PM
7

I was and still am in the same situation. Disabled kid too to add to the mix. She always threatened parental alienation and taking the kid out of state if I ever left her. Well after years of sitting on the idea of divorce, I finally went for it. Hired an attorney in April. Compiled recordings and videos of her being evil towards me. Got videos of her hitting me. I served her two weeks ago. Don’t stay miserable, your kid will be happy seeing you happier dude. I know the feeling. I felt stuck too…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/25 03:50 PM
4

You’re going through exactly what I go through. I almost decided to call it off too due to my child who is disabled. Crazy stbx wife who used manipulation by labeling me things that were extremely false. I’ve been labeled an emotional abuser, etc. Although she’s the abuser and has put her hands on me for the most stupid stuff. Leave bro, and life will be easier. You can have that time with your child in peace. I hate to lose my time with my child, nice house, money, and comfortable lifestyle - b…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 02:56 PM
2

I continued to just save. I planned my divorce for a year and then asked to separate. I saved during that time. My state doesn’t have bonafide legal separation so it was weird. I don’t really have an answer, I’ve already spent $4k just to serve her there first round of MSA. So far we are going no-contest. If it goes to mediation or court, I’ll be here asking the same questions lol. PM me when you can. I’m also a fed employee with TSP/FERs on the line, so I have some questions.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 08:05 PM
7

Dude people will question no matter what. I’m leaving a crazy, mean and sometimes violent wife. I could have had her arrested dozens of times now. I choose not to, but probably should have. Regardless, coworkers have tried to sway me to tough it since we have a kid. It’s your life and your decision. Divorce makes people uncomfortable for some reason.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 07:42 PM
2

What a nightmare dude.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 02:36 AM
1

My wife is pushing for 4 days too against me. Claiming my bourbon collection is alcoholism lol
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 12:18 AM
3

Took me 2 years of being miserable to see a lawyer. Took me another 8 months to actually muster the courage to finally hire one. I saw 3 different firms and went with the 3rd one. You’re taking the first step man. You’ll probably experience a lot of emotions, at least I did. I’ll be financially ruined as well lol
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 12:01 AM
2

Child support is another animal. I’m looking at life long child support due to a mild disability, so the possibility is there. This is even with 50/50 custody. Not to mention $500 a month in alimony for 3 years. What money I have will be gone.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 07:32 PM
3

Exactly. Losing my house and tons of money just seems so daunting. Right when the finish line is near I’m getting extreme anxiety about how I will get by. Seems that the best outcome of a divorce is when both spouses make a good income. I make so much more than my wife.. ugh.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 06:48 PM
2

lol it’s rough. Been doing an in house separation myself and i find it easiest when out of town on work trips. I had a relationship, but stbx wife helped cock block it to the point the chick is now running for the hills. Plus most women don’t like it when you live with the stbx wife. Only my wife is allowed to meet someone according to her. She wants in the divorce decree that I will stay single for up to one year post divorce 🤣 Most women won’t understand divorce circumstances, and will think y…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 02:53 PM
9

Fight for your pension. Give up cash in lieu of. Get a text message from her saying she’s been planning this for two years, especially if it was before retirement. Have a military buddy going through the exact same thing. Just after he did 22 years in the military, she dropped the divorce bomb on him. He also paid for her college with his GI bill. I went to the Middle East with him last year and told him based on what he said that she was planning a divorce and to go see a lawyer. When he told m…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 02:33 PM
1

lol there is always worst my friend. Neither does mine. She wants a free ride and to work/quit jobs at her leisure, sleep in all day, have a man do the chores and have the major bills paid for. Life’s good for her.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 02:42 AM
2

Stay in the house until the divorce is final. Find friends to stay with or family when things get contentious.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 02:05 AM
1

Not sure of your state. Where I live you must either live apart or sleep in separate bedrooms for a year, to include no sex (doesn’t seem to be an issue with your wife, no offense). There is no bonafide legal separation where I live. My advice, which I received from an attorney was not to leave the marital home, move to a guest room, no more date nights, ditch the wedding rings and tell her you intend to separate and divorce. I should have wrote it down in a paper document, but I told her, then …
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 12:29 AM
1

That’s shitty she couldn’t even enjoy a weekend like that planned. I’d say it’s time to throw in the towel dude.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 12:22 AM
1

Does your wife want a divorce too? Mine has been hell bent on controlling me and trying to stop the divorce, and by stop I mean physically attacking me (recorded it several times), says awful things, etc. Now that papers are almost ready to be signed, she claims she will “change”. Aside from the sour attitude, emotional immaturity, down right laziness, she’s also way overweight to the point it’s not pleasant or attractive. I’m not talking a couple pounds, I’m talking 100+ pounds overweight. Whil…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 12:20 AM
2

She sounds like my stbx wife. Except she’s disrespectful to her own family. She assaulted her mom over Christmas break. I found out all the shit she told me about her parents were lies. Had a big come to Jesus with the stbx in laws who would normally be my enemy. They even told me they always wondered how I made it this long with her. Her parents have helped talk her into a no-contest agreement for divorce. Hopefully this sticks. Anyways, my wife also had the princess mentality and now that divo…
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/25 06:52 PM
2

For sure! The wives won’t like you around. That’s the case for me, but I also filed on my end.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/25 03:35 PM
2

Great share. Glad I found this.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/25 04:20 AM
1

Haha true that. I let it in sink in. She actually tried to make up and apologize, and say she didn’t “mean it” and was stressed with dental school. I told her all good. Figure your emotions out and I’ll finish my divorce. I don’t have time for shifty stuff and want to be single for a minute anyways.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 03:59 PM
1

That’s steep. Seems Texas is horrible with child support. My coworker pays $1900 for one kid, but he only sees her two weeks a year. He let mom get primary and he moved out of state where he works at now.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/25 10:42 PM
1

Yeah dude, this. I just told my attorney in a one sentence email that my wife may actually be willing to sign our MSA, and I will give him an update if we need changes. Got billed for sending the email and him reading it. Some of this shit is such a fucking scam. Wasn’t much, but still $45 for a once sentence email is absurd.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/25 12:34 AM
6

How many kids do you have?
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/25 02:22 PM
1

Holy fuck. Damn. Sorry you found out like that, but kudos to leaving as well.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/25 02:53 AM
7

I was in similar boat about three years ago. Well I never could stand my wife, I got baby trapped and tried to make it work. But three years ago she pushed my buttons to the end. Assaulted me over some stupid shit.. Held my ground, and thought I couldn’t afford divorce or go without seeing my kid every night. I was comfortably miserable in away. Bought our first home and had only lived in it for a year at that time. Then fast forward to two years ago and I finally had enough and told her I wante…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/25 02:07 AM
8

And give the snake half from the house that they never once contributed to, half from your 401k and half from the savings account because they sat around like a queen in the castle.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 05:56 PM
2

Same here my friend!
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 05:16 AM
1

I meant we’re both at fault for the divorce, not the cheating. My wife is so vile her own family has cut her off, and they are humble people in my opinion. Anyways, the cheating is my own issue. I’m not religious anymore, so it doesn’t affect me in that regard, but morally I’m ashamed in myself. Sadly, I would do it again too if I stayed married. That’s one reason I wanted a divorce. I couldn’t stay faithful after so long of being unhappy. Little bit of therapy and waking up to my mean wife, and…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 03:52 AM
5

I did near the end, yes. Was it wrong? Yes. My stbx wife possibly has borderline personality issues. Not sure, she never got therapy but she was extremely abusive and mean. Abusive both physically and mentally. It was not an excuse to cheat, but guess I used it as one to get out of the chaos occasionally and escape. I think I rationalized it that way so I could have my comfortable, yet miserable life due to the money I make. I knew divorce even with her behavior would still wreck me financially.…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 11:56 AM
3

I’ll go in April. My divorce probably won’t be finalized until mid summer, but I’m game to celebrate for you dudes!
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 04:16 AM
2

Man idk about your state, but it’s likely once she gets an attorney they will fight for 50/50. My marriage was more short term and only 7 years long. I so far am able to avoid expensive mediation or court by going the non contest route (fingers crossed my wife is a nut). I had to bite the bullet and just agree to give her half what of my 401k was when i separated, half of what my savings was at the time, and we will agree to sell the home for us both to get half the proceeds. My wife mean and ab…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 07:04 PM
5

Right. It’s not like she’s mean or crazy or abusive. Every one praises how sweet she is. Thing is, he’s so obvious with it and has been caught multiple times, women have told his wife. She just accepts, doesn’t care or she’s got some side dick too.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 06:41 PM
7

I have a coworker like this too. Dudes a player and a major douche. Has two kids and a loving wife and hooks up with dozens of chicks a year, lots of times married women who are “frustrated”. Lol I tell him all the time it’s going to blow up in his face one day.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 04:22 PM
2

Same dude. Hopefully we sell it by May or June. My wife has possible BPD, so I want out and away from her asap. Best of luck man and keep your head high.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 04:23 AM
4

Amen. It’s hard but can be done. I’m 18 months in separation and it’s been hell on earth. On contentious times I leave, because the man always gets fucked if the cops get called. It’s great though to get this time with my kid every night. I’ll miss that. But damn can’t wait to get the wife off my tit lol
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 03:43 AM
1

Brother I get it. Mine eats chic fil a or Panda Express 4 times a day. She hasn’t cooked in years (not that it was ever that great). I also pay all the bills and mine will struggle. She grew up spoiled dorm wealthy parent’s who also got tired of her bullshit. But not my problem. I told her she needs to learn how to be an adult. Sugar daddy has left the building.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 03:03 AM
6

We shall see my friend. I could see this happening for me though. My wife would keep in all day, let dirty and clean clothes pile up (never seen her fold laundry), she would sleep all day, ate like shit, gained a ton of fucking weight (idc if that’s mean but fuck she gained 100+ pounds), wouldn’t do any activities together aside from eating out. She also hated working. So yes, i can see my wife becoming active after this shit is finalized and we are on our own. Hell, she even got on ozempic rece…
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 05:37 PM
2

It’s all good dude. They are just hens I’ll never meet in real life. Their opinion couldn’t matter either way, but it’s just odd. Some lady claimed she might have ADHD?? lol wtf? I mean I have ADHD and I don’t attack people in anyway when life doesn’t go my way. Anyways, wife is so cray cray even her own family doesn’t want to deal with her.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 05:54 PM
9

“He works too much and isn’t emotionally available when I need him. My male coworker was there when he wasn’t and all emotional ignorance over the years made me realize what I was missing out on.” Most women today run on conditional love. Once the flame becomes dim, it’s time to find a new fire. As men we are more prone to thinking of the future and creating stability for the family dynamic. Hence, why guys like me endured bs for years for our kids. A woman will throw away a family for a new emo…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 03:34 AM
2

An open marriage most always only benefits the wife. Us cavemen don’t mind fucking a married woman if she’s in an open marriage, hey it’s easy guilt free pussy. With most women it’s a means to an end, so they want an available guy - not a married dude. The chicks OP will find are washed up and aged like milk. Unless he looks like Brad Pitt, it won’t be any fun. I’d just say cut the losses and divorce now. It’s not an extremely long term marriage. Maybe 5 years alimony, and pick up an easy part t…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 11:41 PM
28

You will also get ripped to pieces if you post in there. I posted well over a year ago how I was filing for divorce from an otherwise mean, lazy, spoiled and super abusive wife. There were several women throwing shade. Things like, “maybe it’s her hormones”, “you should be there for her and figure out the root cause”, “maybe she has a mental illness”. Like no shit, of course it stems from something, but the bull shit happened for years and I got checked out when it got worse (should have never m…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 09:12 PM
1

lol I told my daughter I have a snoring issue that mom doesn’t like. Been sleeping in the guest bedroom for 18 months as this shit drags on.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 05:34 PM
3

Haha my stbx wife was adopted from Russia. She’s nuts. Hence why I’m divorcing her.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 03:24 PM
1

Haha true that. Those dollar signs can turn a slob into a model if the woman knows the guys got the cash.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 05:21 AM
17

This could be the way. I have a friend who’s 55 and still slays with the women. If you take care of yourself you can keep up with the lifestyle, it can be a solid move. I personally am not opposed to finding someone, but I will tread lightly for sure. I met a great girl (so far), but there are certain little things that slip through the cracks I can’t help but notice.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 01:59 AM
2

Man it’s crazy. But also low key good that her own family sees you as the good guy. My contentious wife wanted an expensive divorce trial out of anger and the illusion I have secret amounts of money hidden away (I wish). Her dad told her and me that if that becomes the case, he won’t lie on the stand if called upon. Anyways, her mom also called me the other day - wife isn’t allowed to her own parents house to visit for a while, as she tried to attack her own mom. I was told my daughter and I are…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 07:22 PM
2

Unfortunately do have a daughter who has mild cognitive issues. Luckily that night she was at her parents, so I texted them and said any communication would be through them and related to the daughter only. I’m thankful that I have stbx in laws who “get it”, as they can’t even get along with my wife.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 04:53 PM
3

Hell yeah dude. I went to a NYE festival with a cute chick (haven’t got on out on NYE in years - as the stbx was a couch potato). All went well until she called my phone 27 times in a row, then dozens of times on apps like Facebook and Instagram to get ahold of me. Of course it was annoying and somewhat ruined the night. Been separated for 18 months and the stbx still tried to keep me on a leash. She figured I was out having a good time, so she did anything she could to ruin the vibes.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 02:37 PM
2

Bro she is crazy. Crazy is crazy does. You can’t fix stupid and you can’t fix crazy, and she is both. Her mom and brother called me and told me she attacked them last night. Mainly attacked my mother in law. You know a chick is crazy when the in laws say they will miss you and don’t blame you for divorcing their daughter lol.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 12:28 AM
2

Hell no. She would kill the other women and me. She thinks she can still control me even as we’re separated. We’ve been separated for over 18 months now, I got tired, horny, and I’ve been checked out for years. Since she wants to drag this shit on, I’ll get on with my life when I am able to. She wants the settlement papers to say I won’t date for up to one year post divorce. Like wtf??
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 11:39 AM
1

Exactly. I was in OPs situation to a certain degree. Some things were different, but one thing that was common is my stbx wife put her hands on me more times than I can count. When you’re living it you’re blinded to seeking divorce because of the children and finances. I finally woke up and realized how unhealthy this environment is to my child to witness. Divorce her bro. It’s a completely unhealthy cycle you’re in. Reach out to me if you need to talk. I’ve been there and still am, but finally …
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 01:18 AM
1

If she’s out of the US you should be good. She wanted to have a kid in the US so she could adjust from a J1 visa and make a pathway to a green card. Be thankful she got fired and sent back to South Africa. You could notify a local USCIS office if you worry she will try to get an alternate visa to re-enter.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/24 06:38 PM
8

Yes - you should see about filing a law suit for emotional damage and financial hardship for raising a kid that wasn’t yours.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 03:31 PM
2

Yeah, something doesn’t sound right. They seem to have a pipe dream of hemming you up (your wife and evil attorney). Now I’m just guessing here, but if she gave a statement, it sounds like the detectives determined her statement didn’t warrant probable cause. Also, they make child sex crime cases a priority. Unless you’re in a crime ridden city like Chicago, it could take time for them to show up.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/24 03:25 AM
1

Thanks man. It’s brutal hell at times being married to someone like that. I look back and the “good times” in the marriage she likes to refer to were never centered around us as a couple. I realized I was tired of being married to a mean and miserable person who is overall embarrassing to be married to. Yeah, she loves to throw out these stupid statements. My favorite one is, “you’re abandoning me and ruining my life”. Yeah man, you really can’t describe it to others who haven’t lived it. I hope…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 02:48 AM
2

Hate to hear you’re going through it as well man. There’s an army of us going through it on this subreddit. Seems either women leave their husband for another man, or men decide to leave a crazy woman. It’s either cheating or abuse. I think the challenge you feel in this is mustering the courage to leave, or at least that’s been the case for me. Just like you, I feel I made every decision in my life in a calculated and planned manner. I’ve climbed through the ranks in my career and make more mon…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 01:02 AM
1

No shame in this at all. A lot of younger women without kids will find a man with kids as a turn off. I’ve had friends try to set me up on dates previously with women and when they find out I have a kid, they lose interest real fast. Single women without kids sorta have the same outlook on single fathers, as men do to single moms. I’ve since met a great girl since I’ve been separated from my stbx wife. I know they say not to date while divorcing, but mine has been dragging on for almost two year…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 07:40 PM
10

Sounds like my wife. This list is spot on.. This is exactly why she is a soon to be ex wife for me. I should say “soon” lightly as her ego wants to drag this on for years. She thinks I should stay and tolerate her. Funny thing is, her way of begging me to stay is continuous nagging, physical assaults, clinging, trying to control me and manipulation. Nothing in this world can prepare a man for trying to divorce a crazy and abusive wife. Mine got even worse when I told her last year I was divorcin…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 07:11 AM
3

She probably met someone else or just lost interest. I’d take it for what it is, and move on. You’re 30 years old dude, plenty of fish in the sea.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 04:20 PM
2

I’m not asking I’m telling her I’m getting divorced lol. My wife isn’t mean to my daughter. She’s honestly a decent mom. Her anger is always directed at me. From my own research (I’m not a doctor, nor diagnosing her), it seems most women with BPD focus their jealousy, anger and other types of negative behaviors towards romantic partners. Once again, not a doc. She’s never been diagnosed. She could just be straight up toxic as fuck. If I fought for full custody I’m almost sure she would become su…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 06:02 AM
3

I’m with a possible BPD. It’s hell on earth. I’m just ripping the band aide off and assuring my daughter she is loved. My stbx was never diagnosed but it’s abundantly clear to her few friends and family that she is bat shit crazy at times. I have no advice as these types of people are the hardest to divorce, especially if you are leaving them (that’s my case). Hopefully you’re in a state where 50/50 custody is presumptive.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 05:42 AM
14

Yeah same. This makes me scared to look for a good woman. I see it all on this sub and real life. Guys who gave it all for women they loved, only for the women to leave. I have a crazy, spoiled and mean wife, who is obsessed with me in unhealthy ways. I could go on and on, but I don’t want to rob attention from OP. Simply put, I’m divorcing a toxic woman and the freedom ahead of me keeps me positive.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 05:17 AM
3

That’s horrible advice. It’s not 1955 anymore. Getting 50/50 custody isn’t too hard. The longer you stay, the more she will get financially too. She could argue you prolonged the marriage to waste time for the kids to become adults. Then she gets some energetic female attorney who goes full throttle for long term alimony. You’re looking at waiting a total of 10 years for both to become adults. Can you do another 10 years? That’s 10 more years of assets piling up and the alimony calculator just g…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 07:25 PM
3

Cut the chord man. It’s hard but I’m starting to see it’s worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 07:21 PM
1

Just sent
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 07:15 PM
3

I was in the same boat and navigating the bowels of divorce. I’ll PM you.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 06:58 PM
2

Damn, so he’s in the military too? She’s a fool dude (no offense, I know that is your wife). Man sounds like she’s completely clouded. Let your attorney know all of this and it could be potentially advantageous. Cut the rotten branch off the tree man. I can’t imagine what it’s like from your perspective. Mine is far different. I’m the one filing on my end, to an otherwise crazy and mean spouse. I’ve been checked out for years. I could go on for days about how she is, but she’s a thorn in my side…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 03:35 AM
2

Thanks man. Hope it worked out for you. I may PM you tomorrow because my attorneys answer on the FERs split confused me a little. For the TSP, so far it looks like we are agreeing to $35k to go to her. We’ve been separated almost two years, so she gets half of what it was then. As you know, stocks are soaring, so the 401k has taken off in a good way since then, especially the last 8 months. I’ll give her half my savings account, and half the equity in the home. She will still walk away with a fa…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 03:30 AM
3

Mine is also getting close to 5% of my pension and a healthy chunk of my TSP. Ugh.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 01:52 AM
1

That is true. I’m just blindly typing half the time. They even get sympathy for murder most of them time.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 09:20 PM
1

Man splitting Thanksgiving break and going to my parents solo was weird. Also not seeing her family, which were amazing in laws was also hard. I miss the holidays with everyone together, but I do love the peace and don’t miss my wife causing drama. I miss the life and not the wife lol.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 08:03 PM
12

So many women today think they can get away with anything. My crazy and mean wife was somehow shocked when I told her we are divorcing. Like a fool though I tolerated emotionally immature behavior far too long (rage fits, physical assaults from her, talking down on me in front of friends). I think the idea of not seeing my child every day, losing half my net worth I worked for, etc was what kept me grounded. Too many of us are comfortably miserable. You see all day on this sub of guys asking how…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 07:51 PM
7

It’s hard for you I’m sure dude. My friend who retired from the army after 20 years has his wife going for his military pension and his federal civilian pension. She also left him for another guy. That shit does suck and I hate it for you, but she’s an enemy now. She’s shacking up with another married dude (lol that won’t last). Let her affair fog be her weakness. After the dust settles and her married boyfriend dumps her to stay with his actual wife, there’s a slight chance she may try to recon…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 05:54 PM
1

Damn man sorry you went through it. I went monk mode and quit having sex with her once I moved to the basement/guest room. I could see her desperate and angry ass filing a sex assault allegation. Lol she’s now telling everyone I’m gay. Sometimes I laugh. Always feel free to PM me man if you ever need to talk. I know how divorcing and being married to a crazy woman can be.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 02:15 AM
2

Damn man she honestly sounds like mine. Also, same shit. Right about the time I separated and I said I wanted to divorce her, we went to my brother’s wedding. I only brought her because I wasn’t as sure then if divorce was my path. She got piss drunk and told my brother’s crazy mother in law that I’m “mean” to her, started saying I’m scary, she was crying. This other lady was feeding into it. My wife mentioned the time I punched a wall like 12 years ago. Not once though have I laid a single hand…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 08:10 PM
6

This ^ I’m asked by others if I was the cause for my wife assaulting me on several occasions!! Infuriating dude. Reverse the roles and a man assaulting a woman over his emotions would be in prison and lose all custody of the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 05:50 PM
4

I always hate when people ask me this, because I have to lie. “We’re good” is what I say. But no one is good lol life is sucking ass.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/24 08:15 PM
2

Same thing kind of happened to me, except she didn’t have kids. Dated for about a year, she got pregnant, moved in together, few years later married from pressure of her, family and the church. I’m in the heat of the divorce process now. I’ll PM you later.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 06:14 PM
1

Hot damn, wish I live in AZ right now lol. Realistically the max amount my wife would get is $760 for 3 years. She’s living in a pipe dream. She also wants 100% custody and to move out of state to go mooch off her parents. Crazy the demands these women make.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 05:13 PM
1

Damn what state did you settle in? My wife wants an absurd amount of alimony. Yeah, i make 3.5X her salary, but she’s wanting one of my whole paychecks in alimony. That doesn’t include the child support I would pay.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 12:00 AM
4

Exactly man.. This shit is absurd. My stbx wife keeps threatening false TPOs even though she’s the one who’s put her hands on me more than one occasion. Anytime I’m around her I just let my phone record discreetly to catch her saying this shit.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 11:23 PM
1

Hang out with other separated women. You know going in they are just out to have fun. Heck, from what I’ve read on here, most have left their husbands to have fun. But I totally get it man. I met a great woman, we both caught feels. I took the first month apart not very well haha. The issue for me was that I never had a true connection to my wife (baby trapped and married out of obligation due to religion and family pressure at the time). However, my divorce is awfully contentious and my wife is…
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 11:17 PM
2

It’s the Hallmark Christmas movies!!! It’s always a woman leaving a good dude of many years for some cheese ball. All jokes aside, but these Hallmark Movies literally condone women leaving dudes for some old friend in their small town.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/24 11:29 AM
7

At the end of the day it only takes one to decide to separate/divorce. You may not want it, but sounds like she does. I know it suck’s.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 06:13 PM
2

I’ve sadly been low key wanting the same thing. I was joking with my sister last night that I just wish my stbx wife would find another dude. But I also actually wish she would. I guess that’s when you know it’s time to go? I wish the best of luck to you. Not sure of your situation, but sometimes divorce is worth it. The cat is out the bag with my family and in-laws that we are divorcing. My wife is contentious and wants to stay in a toxic marriage, but I have to drop the mic and get on with my …
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/24 12:06 PM
7

Mean and disrespectful, physically abusive over small things and the ability to snap at any moment, never happy about the small things, always wanting more, letting herself go, never wanting to do healthy activities together, not allowing me to have family or friends over the house without begging and pleading with her (even though I pay for the house). I could go on. She had some good qualities too and was a great mom for how much I traveled for work. I came to the realization long ago we need …
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/24 04:26 PM
2

If you’re going no contest the divorce will be cheaper and you go back and forth between each other’s attorneys. It took alot of negotiation, but my wife finally agreed we would do it this way. We don’t want a judge deciding and looking over our lives.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/24 07:50 PM
3

I paid $2500 for a retainer. It’s an ever green retainer, so when work is done, I have to back fill the account back to $2,500. My attorney charges $425 an hour. I chose to hire a senior associate due to my high conflict wife. The junior attorneys at the firm were $300 an hour. Some firms charge more, some charge less. First firm I met with, the guy was extremely apathetic and even stated, “yeah, just let the wife leave the state with the kid, it will save you time and money”. Ugh, wtf. I want t…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 04:29 AM
9

She tried to fuck you over and ruin you with the justice system multiple times.. This is a worse blow than lying in civil family court in my opinion. I would go for it dude, then it can give you solid ammo in family court. Sucks ass she’s giving you that hard of a time man, I’m sorry. My stbx wife has been a thorn in my side and threatened a TPO as well, even though I’ve never laid a hand on her. Can’t say the same about her though. I have plenty of videos of her attacking me. I just let her thr…
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 11:45 PM
4

Abuse and cheating combined is a for sure good reason. I’m leaving an emotionally and physically abusive wife. It’s hard to get over that hump when assets and kids are involved, trust me. I sat miserable and lost for a while with no plan in place. It took a couple years for me to figure it out, but now we both know the divorce is coming. She refuses to accept it and I’ve already moved on completely on a mental level. Get a couple consultations with some attorneys and that will give you an idea. …
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/24 07:22 PM
1

I think this will be the same for me too man. For the most part we are cohabitating under the same roof while we negotiate a settlement. So she’s still here. But when she’s gone out on the weekends or out of town, I’ve had the most fun with my daughter. I take her out to do things. My stbx would rather keep her in the house on the iPad all day
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 08:38 PM
3

In the same boat. I’ll PM you.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 07:44 PM
2

Hell yeah! Going to Tennessee to my parents ranch to send some lead down range myself. Hopefully stbx isn’t a pain. I think we will try to split the day apart, but her fam lives over an hour away. Going to be an awkward T-Giving for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 04:43 PM
–

We are in negotiations going back in forth with settlement. Once we come to an agreement it will be filed and official, or if this drags we will go to mediation. I’m also not trying to go $70k in debt by taking it to court. I get what you’re saying, but when my attorney and I set up a plan, and one of those plans was to avoid high divorce court costs, and catch the flies with honey and not vinegar. The last 6 months I’ve spent maybe $3k instead of tons more like others on here have. Of course th…
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/24 11:22 AM
2

Man I’m so sorry that happened. I can’t imagine. I hope you the best and hope you’re navigating life well these days. I really hope the best for my stbx wife. I told her we have to learn to love each other as family and not in a spouse setting. It’s hard for her to grasp, and she gets quite vindictive as you can imagine. But also as you can imagine, staying in a marriage like to this is not conducive to the other party who moves through life with a more sane approach. My wife doesn’t drink often…
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/24 01:33 AM
1

Man it’s good to hear it’s amicable for you guys. Mine is slowly coming around. Just a couple months ago she said she would want to go to trial if/when my attorney serves her. Now she’s willing to talk with an agreement in place and wants to make the divorce as cheap as possible. Who knows if she will hold to that. I’ll PM you. I have a couple questions.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 10:35 PM
2

Well said. I moved all my credit cards to my gun safe. She’s since got her own and bought a new car while separated. Wants me to make the payment in the settlement lmao. Yeah - mine loved retail therapy too .
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 09:44 PM
1

You can make an update when divorce is finalized as a qualified life changing event, and then take her off.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 07:18 PM
2

I’m in Virginia. My attorney showed me the code section during my initial consultation that you can technically live “apart” by staying in a separate bedroom in the house. Not going on dates, not intimacy, no cooking for each other, no vacations, etc. It was hard at first, but now I just pretend she’s not there. I had thought that you had to fill out some document and move out, but evidently not. Live/sleep apart for a year, and then you file. Yeah I also get she will get half my accounts. That’…
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 04:51 PM
2

Man I feel the pain. I also call my mom or sister, especially after she does crazy shit. Just someone to vent to. Tired of calling friends, as I come off as the friend whose life and wife sucks. The lack of self awareness is really insane ain’t it? There’s been times my stbx wife has called me over 100 times in one night. I’ll literally text her im ok, and I’m staying with a friend—she does not get the marriage has hit its breaking point. Her means of convincing me to stay (hyper aggressive beha…
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 04:42 PM
2

Yep—this. I met with 3 firms before I hired the guy I have.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 06:57 AM
2

Same. I’ve let her beat the shit out of me. Maybe cause she’s the daughter of my child or simply cause she’s a female—I just took the scratches and punches. But boy do I have plenty of recordings and she’s losing her mind over it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 06:56 AM
1

Yeah I’m debating moving out due to crazy ass stbx wife. Of course attorney says to stay, but it just seems disastrous. I’ll struggle though to pay the mortgage and rent. Do you have kids? And how did you leave? Need advice, and tired of emailing and calling my attorney with a $500 bill attached..
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 06:31 AM
7

Dude I’m some what in the SAME fucking boat. We’ve been sleeping apart in different bedrooms for over 18 months. I hired an attorney (he’s also dragging ass). I bring divorce up to her all the time, but it’s ground hog day. She mentioned today we need to buy a dog for our daughter - like wtf??? Then when I remind her we are separated (under the same roof) she loses her damn mind. I had to leave the house today and just drove in circles for hours to stay gone, she called 67 times. Sent a bunch of…
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 06:09 AM
3

Becareful for false DV allegations too man. At minimum record contact with her even if it’s just audio. Throw the phone in the pocket and let it record. My wife went psycho and slapped/scratched me. I recorded the whole thing. Keep conversations to a minimum and only about the kids
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 07:53 PM
–

It’s post separation - but stbx and her attorney don’t agree. But my state doesn’t have legal separation. Just sleeping apart/living apart for one year. But they want to contest it, it seems
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 09:12 AM
3

Jesus Christ dude. Sorry, but that’s nuts. Not on you, but her.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 03:05 AM
1

Yep. Get a roster going.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 12:50 PM
3

I’m in this boat. Sometimes I think it’s the judgement we face as men deciding to leave the marriage. We have to learn to not worry what others think and pull the plug for our health. A happy single dad is probably a lot better than a miserable married dad. Also the financial toll and sunken cost fallacy is hard to hurdle over. Reading these comments gives courage though.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 03:54 AM
1

I agree and learning the lesson the hard way. Just funny how the in laws (who can’t stand their own daughter) and so called friends love to tout “you should stay for the kids”. I think because the in laws want her to be my problem, and people love having that friend in a miserable marriage as a beacon to make them feel better in their marriages. Just my two cents.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 03:52 AM
6

Also same. Got baby trapped. Married when the kid was 5 (ignored the red flags). 12 years together and 7 years in a marital prison because religion, family and my own delusions thought a legal document would heal things. Now here I am at my breaking point. 6 years in I was ready to separate and moved to the guest room. So miserable I’m willing to go against attorneys advice and move out to an apartment. Stayed for the kid and dealt with a crazy, lazy, mean and overweight woman for years. I guess…
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 03:49 AM
1

Well said.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 02:51 AM
2

This bro. Sunken cost fallacy is a bitch.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 01:26 AM
2

What state? Mine is 7 years, but been separated under the same roof for over a year. So technically 5.5 years old.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 11:07 PM
4

How long were you married? I got kicked in the back down the steps today trying to leave after we tried to negotiate finances. She’s lost her mind.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 06:49 PM
10

A complicated ex. I’m there with you. My wife is a nut case. She wants the house, all my 401k, my savings, and $4000 a month in alimony. She’s only entitled to a max of $760 a month in alimony. Now she’s threatening to quit her job to get more. Fucking insanity.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 06:09 PM
3

I do have a kid. Just one with her. She normally did it as revenge for not giving her more kids. I saw the red flags adding on a few years ago and told her no more kids until she gets into therapy. Never happened. Now here we are. I believe she has BPD or something. Her rage and anger picked up after I decided to “abandon” her as she says. I’ve had a few dishes and other objects thrown at me. Scratches, you name it. She’s since calmed down after I started recording and told her everything is bei…
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/24 10:14 PM
3

Same here man. Plus mine was sometimes violent. Not sure if I can have kids after the amount of times she’s punched or kicked me in the nuts after an argument. Needless to say I lost all sexual attraction for her and she makes my skin crawl. Blood work and blood pressure was excellent after I confronted divorce and hired an attorney. She’s of course losing her ever loving mind. I might be dead before this is all over with lol. The only stress i have now is the crippling anxiety from those damn a…
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/24 06:13 PM
2

My child has a cognitive learning disorder and ADHD as well. Stbx wife and I been sleeping apart for over a year. I have retained an attorney and document is almost reading to serve. My spouse doesn’t accept that divorce is coming, even though I have had hundreds of conversations with her that I’m through. I really don’t know if I should serve her before thanksgiving or after Christmas. I worry about the kid too.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 03:01 PM
2

This was good to read for me. As my wife doesn’t accept divorce or separation. I also think she may have a cluster disorder like BPD. She gets filled with rage fits, to included hitting or verbally attacking me. This attacks took an uptick once I said I was done and started sleeping in the guest room. Did your wife have abandonment issues? Mine acts like my world must burn down if I leave her. Part of this is my problem as I let her become codependent on me and others financially. Now she’s 34 y…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 02:17 PM
3

Yeah it’s a tough decision. Long time coming for us too. I struggle with the untangling of our lives, how living situations will be. We live in a high COLA and her income is low, and she can never hold a job. I worry about that outcome and how living arrangements will be. She tries to sell that as a reason to stay, but I have over a 100 reasons to leave. I struggle to pull the band aid even being extremely miserable. My wife is a negative handful too
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/24 06:41 PM
1

Naw i feel that. My wife has something wrong with her. Maybe BPD or just mean lady syndrome. She’s put her hands on me too many times, coupled with other issues. I worry how she will be as well, even though I can’t stand her.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/24 02:33 AM
3

I’m sorry man. Can’t judge your situation, but I know for me, i wouldn’t want to be playing the waiting game for a female who isn’t “sure”. There’s so many women out there buddy.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/24 01:48 AM
2

At least that makes it easier. If she wants to move after divorce let her. It would be her choice. Only being married two years is also a positive and you dodged some severe financial hurt if this happened ten years later. If she wants to leave the marriage now, she probably will later on.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/24 12:14 AM
3

No kids?
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/24 10:55 PM
1

I kinda did the same thing. I married a possible BPD woman who is bat shit crazy. We had a kid out of wedlock (probably baby trapped). Both our families and church clergy were real pushy for us to get married. I almost broke off the proposal because she attacked me with a metal rod because I accidentally threw away some simple every day medicine while cleaning the house. Family and church intervened and said a marriage with the lords blessing would fulfill us and everything would workout. Now I …
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/24 06:41 PM
9

I am also in this club with you fellas as well. We got married when my kid was about 5 (eloped randomly one weekend). Now here I am 7 years later and miserable as hell. Girlfriend got pregnant out of the blue after barely dating a year. Funny thing was, I was literally about to dump her before that. Then she pops the news. We moved in. She got lazier and crazier over time. I stuck it out for the kid and felt no one would want a single dad anyways. I was depressed (still am, but getting better af…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/24 01:57 AM
4

My attorney has a good quote. The more you stay, the more they take. Alimony payments have a longer duration too in a lot of states the longer you’re married. Not sure how Texas is. I’m looking at 3 years of alimony.. Better than lifetime. Hopefully I can manage 3 years of poverty. But I’m also looking at life time child support, so yeah, I need to leave now!
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/24 12:34 AM
5

Exactly. Old habits die hard. Unless she can change. Then what if you revisit this bump in the road later on, you’re subject to a greater financial loss as the 401k, savings and other investments grow. Plus more alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/24 11:40 PM
1

Yeah it can make it harder if the other party is being greedy and doesn’t want divorce. Haven’t even served my wife the first MSA offer. She’s going to probably try and kill me. Been telling her the last year and a half we’ve been sleeping and spending time apart that legal work is coming.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 05:37 PM
1

Do you mean going back and forth with settlement/custody negotiations? Because I’m concerned too. I’m in Maryland though.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 03:37 PM
2

Once you retain they will email you a marital history type thing. You include equity in the home, estimated salaries, estimated debts, retirement, savings, cars, furniture, etc. You include proposals for alimony and child support. In your case you can request alimony (unfortunately I’ll get butt fucked on this part), child support, custody arraignments and so on. It’s a lot to fill out. Attorney will draft the MSA based on that. Mine personally has been hell to fill out because my wife is high c…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 11:57 AM
3

If I didn’t have a kid I would fantasize about doing this. I’m not sure of the legal implications like you said. I’d check with an attorney. It’s a bit extreme, but I also get it. The system is wrecked.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 02:33 AM
2

Even in an at-fault they don’t care. I have text messages from my stbx before separation saying she was going out to bars and getting laid. I think it was smoke and mirrors to piss me off (she’s quite overweight), but either way, it doesn’t matter. Three different law firms told me the juice isn’t worth the squeeze on infidelity clause for at fault. She’s still broke as shit and I’d have to pay half. It would just give me a faster divorce.. Buddy from work told me his wife left him for another d…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 10:58 PM
1

I moved to the guest room. Been there for 18 months lol. Want to move out but attorney says stay put. Not that I could afford rent and a mortgage anyways.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 03:40 AM
2

Must not be too strong if you’re hunting for certain posts and comment’s on a men’s divorce page. I don’t care what your comment history is. I’m not reading all that junk. Go get some fresh air.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 12:33 AM
2

Hopefully it’s an at-fault state, and OP can stall the move. Have her served by surprise and call off the move back home. She will be stuck battling a divorce in a state she doesn’t want to be in (because her affair partner is far away and waiting for her). If he files in the current state, hopefully she’s in affair fog mode and settles quick on emotions.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 11:34 PM
1

Yeah man, good luck. She seems absolutely bat shit and tried to use the legal system to her benefit. She needs intensive therapy and you need the kid full time. Best of luck man.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 11:25 PM
-12

I’m sorry your husband left you.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 11:03 PM
-8

Dumb ass comment. Not entertaining it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 10:52 PM
-4

Try to fight for 50/50 custody to 1.) be there for your kids, and 2.) it will lower your child support significantly since she makes half your salary. Mine makes 1/3 my salary, and if granted 50/50 upon completion of all this bs, I’ll be paying $600 in CS.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 10:16 PM
6

Hey man I am in the same boat too. I stayed for years too for the kid. We’re looking at selling the home in the summer as well. Just altogether sucks. My wife wants to work it out but she’s a borderline nut case. I just can’t stay anymore for my mental health. I hate the toxic household for my kid.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 12:27 PM
1

Well said. This is my wife. She sees she won’t have her bill payer around anymore and will have to learn what true adulthood is like. She’s losing her mind.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 12:13 PM
1

I’ve thought about this too. A tough pill to swallow, but looked at it as a giant security deposit and endless rent I paid for years (she never contributed a penny).
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 03:22 AM
5

Damn they are acting like your divorce is a homicide trial. I’d tell her to fuck off, respectfully and legally at attorneys advice though lol.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 01:46 PM
1

Same as my state. I wonder what it becomes after 10 years
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 09:16 PM
4

Smh some of them are crazy. Mines done everything short of putting me in the hospital. Now she’s shocked I’m serious with divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 10:03 PM
1

Where I live she has to or we go to court. I live on the East Coast. Trying the negotiation phase to avoid spending $40k for a useless civil trial.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 09:11 PM
2

Did you want the divorce? Or did your wife? I ask because in a similar situation under one roof. I want the divorce for several reasons but wife is a cock block and is contentious. I have to go work “overtime” to get out of the house. She claims she will never sign the papers 📝
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 07:08 AM
2

How did you muster the courage to file? I’m hung up on pulling the trigger. Attorney has already worked up the MSA. I can’t stand mine either. She’s high strung, dramatic, etc. Been sleeping in the guest room for the last 19 months (my choice).
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 11:09 PM
5

She wants the cake and to eat it too. Sell it and split, or she can refinance and pay you through a HELOC for your share of the equity. I have offered to let mine stay in the house till the kid goes to high school, and then we sell and split. She just wants the whole house and all the equity like she’s some queen. So probably just end up selling the thing.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 03:42 PM
1

Haha sorry. I’m on the east coast where the courts don’t see female on male abuse as anything serious. “It’s just her being crazy”. Like it’s something cute? Yeah man she’s bat shit at times. When I said I was separating and moving to the guest bedroom I got punch in the nuts that night, with a statement afterwards, “I’ll make sure no other woman gets to enjoy you”. Last time i was about to call the cops, i went to go grab my phone and she takes hers and says, “I’ll call them for us and we can b…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 03:33 PM
5

Great advice. My stbxw is super high conflict and has anger issues, to the point I was willing to go broke to get an apartment of my own and pay the mortgage. My attorney said almost verbatim what you mentioned. So hunkered down in the guest room I am lol.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 11:08 PM
6

I’m going to PM you. Mine has done the same shit. When I told her I was separating early on, I went to sleep on the couch. That night she randomly came down stairs and punched me in the nuts. Then screams that if I won’t stay with her, no one can bear kids by me again. Shit like that has happened far too often. I can remember before the divorce words were uttered she would hit, scratch or bite me over small things depending on her unpredictable mood. During Covid she bit me on the arm out of now…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 04:04 AM
3

You have good grounds for divorce. Now she has a lifelong virus that she could pass to you. This virus was contracted while cheating. I would lawyer up. If you contracted the disease you could also sue, or counter by waiving asset splits/alimony as a means to keep funds for medical bills and hardship caused. She would probably do the same if roles were reversed. With 6 kids I’m sure it’s a tough call man, but think about your health. Sorry you’re going through this.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 05:07 PM
3

Yes here to also say don’t move out, not even during separation. I’ve been sleeping in the guest bedroom and constantly record my wife anytime she comes around. My attorney advised to try my best to stay under one roof for my financial sake and custody sake for my kid. I called him 2 weeks ago because my stbx wife is being awful and I’m hitting my breaking point. I was ready to move out and eat ramen in my own apartment. He talked me off the ledge so to say. I also would have had to juggle a $28…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 11:07 PM
3

This is a good question to ask yourself as this individual pointed out. Take it from a guy who considered divorce in 2019 when I was only 3 years into the marriage. I stayed for my child and by false promises my wife would change. She only got more toxic, more jealous, the rage fits/assaults picked up, most of my family and friends don’t like to be around her. Now it’s 2024 and I’m finally done and ready to get out. I stayed for my child to offer one household and for financial security, as I wa…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 11:02 PM
3

Used to live in Georgia and got engaged there. Mine committed a major red flag by assaulting me for misplacing some medicine of hers at the time when I was cleaning. By assault I mean hitting me with a thin metal coat hanger across my face. I should have called it off but for the kids I didn’t. Now getting filing for divorce several states away. Something must have been in the water in Georgia because she’s been crazy and manipulative ever since. My best wishes to you.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 10:56 PM
2

Man I’m so miserable I thought about giving my stbx $1200 a month to help her pay the mortgage. That’s essentially what my alimony and CS will be. But she wanted more. Also my attorney advised I stay in the house. Next time she puts her hands on me I guess I’ll just file a TPO, as much as I hate to do that. Not sure what the rights are on pets. Maybe your attorney could have an answer for you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 02:40 PM
3

Man I want to move out so bad or the wife move out. She refuses, and I can’t afford rent and the mortgage. So we are hunkered down under one roof until we come to a settlement agreement. I bet it would feel amazing though.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/24 11:45 PM
11

I’m going through it now currently dude. Her demands? 100% custody (making up awful lies about me), she wants a crazy child support and alimony stipend. Wants some massive 401k pay out like my decision to divorce her should be punished by weaponizing money and our child. The high conflict personality is exactly why I want to leave her. It’s like stay and deal with the emotional immaturity, or leave and go to war. I’m assuming one of you moved out of the marital home?
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 10:49 PM
1

You seem to be in a similar situation as me. What’s funny is my wife wants to move to TN to be closer to her family. They can’t stand her, but out of blood line ego they are all for it. Trying to persuade her and what not. Read my post, as some things mirror yours.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 06:44 PM
2

Wish mine went this smooth. I was assaulted on several occasions and everything has been high conflict with her ever since.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 01:58 PM
1

Insanity dude. Maybe she has borderline personality. Everyone thinks my wife does. I have literal video evidence of her punching me. She still claims it never happened.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 02:11 PM
2

Haha what’s even more funny is she tried to threaten me the other night, by sending a text message with a big divorce firm she intends to hire. The thing is, that’s the exact firm I’ve retained. So she legally can not hire them.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 04:16 AM
1

Hmm sounds similar to mine too. She always threatens to go after my job too. I guess the world around me must burn if I chose to leave her. Ego and emotions are a wild thing.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 03:56 AM
2

For sure. Definitely got one. She asked if I had one and I said use your imagination
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 03:54 AM
1

Ahhh, gotcha. Well glad you both were logical in the end and decided to do it in a manner where you both didn’t go in debt. I want get into the whole down and dirty, but my wife is high conflict and is fighting to save our marriage. By fighting, i mean actually fighting me and hitting me. As if that will make me want to stay? The main reason i want to divorce in the first place is her temper. Many, many and more reasons for me to file but yeah, she’s in total denial. She wants to take it to tria…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 03:14 AM
1

Might be hard to go that route if she doesn’t want the divorce though. Wish my wife and I could just do it that way. She keeps telling me “you’re not allowed to divorce me”. Ok, watch me. lol.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 02:52 AM
2

How did she take it? My attorney is fixing my MSA as he mistook my negotiation for custody. Once he’s done I have to serve her. I know mine will go ape shit. We’ve slept apart for almost 2 years, told her over a year ago I’m done and want to divorce. We had to stay separated for a year since we have a kid. This whole time she’s been in denial and/or crazy as shit.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 02:17 AM
1

Start recording every conversation (if allowed in your state, look up the law). Mine attacked the shit out of me one night during a divorce speech. Slapped me, scratched me (had tons of marks), broke tons of stuff, threw a glass cup at me. Then proceeded to say it was self defense?? I asked how. I did nothing, except express my concern to officially divorce. I told her if she lays another hand on me I’m calling the cops, she then proceeds to say she will beat me to it and call 911 and said she w…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 11:45 PM
2

My stbx is trying to relocate 10 hours away to a whole other state. To the literal middle of nowhere where her parents live. She grew up spoiled and was spoiled in the marriage. She isn’t independent enough to make it on her own as she claims and using my job as an excuse to attempt and rob me of 50%. I’m fighting like hell to at least get 40-50%. Trying to persuade my wife to stay here. I might just offer her the house. Because I have a really good paying job, thus my child support and alimony …
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 06:10 PM
3

Yes and she could claim they are no longer separated. Go to the guest room bro.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 05:39 PM
2

Can you PM me? I’m married to someone similar who has a rich daddy who is going to pay all her legal bills. They want to fight to move her and my kid to their state. Wife is a crazy bitch as well. Mentioned she will file a TPO because I raised my voice the other night. Meanwhile she’s physically assaulted me dozens up dozens of times since we did an in house separation.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 04:11 PM
1

VA doesn’t have legal separation. However, you must live apart or sleep apart in separate rooms and separate your bank accounts for one year. The separation is gray in that state. I lived there.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 04:08 PM
2

Ahh gotcha. She sounds nuts dude, no offense. I say that because mine is crazy as well, just in different ways. One thing that is similar, is she wants to move 10 hours away with our kid to go suck on the tits of her parents. In her minds eye the dad has no importance in the kids life.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 03:51 PM
2

Damn man sounds like it was rough for you as well. It was a long time coming for me as well. Sure, I loved my wife. But it wasn’t spousal love. No, I’m not talking about reaching for the Hollywood love stories you see in movies. We were just an awful partnership and team. I look back and I decided to marry because we had a kid out of wedlock, lived together for years non-married and after years of pressure from her, her family, my family, and the church at the time, I just caved and we eloped. F…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 12:58 PM
2

Did she go to another state to be closer to her parents? Why did she choose said state?
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 12:04 PM
3

Stay at the house. I even wanted to move out and get a my own place because my wife is high conflict. I can’t deal with the stress, but my attorney highly advised to stay put as others have said.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 12:01 PM
0

Lifetime alimony for a 16 marriage? I guess California really does suck ass. My stbx and I have the exact same financials as OP. Worst case scenario is $780 in alimony for 3.5 years. But I’m in Maryland and we’ve only been married 7 years.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 03:06 AM
2

Initiating as well. Your brief statement seems similar to mine. Did you have kids? How did you serve her? My wife is absolutely crazy. So a little worried how I’ll rip this band-aide off. We’re currently living together but have been separated while cohabitating. It’s been a nightmare as she has been in denial and then goes to fight mode (literally).
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 02:07 AM
0

Oh god.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 02:03 AM
2

Are you under the same roof during this separation phase?
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 01:56 AM
2

Could be a possibility. I’ve 100% moved on and I honestly hope she finds someone else. She’s been a train-wreck over the years. Emotionally immature, broke and lazy, overweight, can’t hold a job. Could go on. She got drunk a couple years ago and said some guy made out with her at bar. Then the next day claimed it was as to make me jealous. I could have cared less as I already told her I wanted a divorce and moved to the basement 🤣In the midst of this I took it as a sign to go have fun myself. Me…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 11:21 PM
2

If you’re in an at fault state it most likely still won’t be counted as an affair though. My wife has flat out texted me when she was drunk that sh and kissed a guy at a bar. Showed my attorney these messages before we separated, and he said it doesn’t count as an affair in our at fault state. The act of sex must be proven.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 10:58 PM
4

Amen to this. Stbx saw some inappropriate messages with a coworker. As weird as it is she is like a sister to me so we never did anything. The messages were an inside joke related to some guy that was obsessed with her. It was one message that my friend saved in an app. So wife couldn’t see the context or other messages, as it doesn’t matter because it was uncalled for on my part. However, it brought out the worst in her. She became physically abusive and more verbally abusive than ever. Constan…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 10:55 PM
2

Haha shit happens. Met some strange ones myself. Also met a great one during separation (divorce is dragging - so I got out there). Didn’t mean to meet a great chick but it happened. She has no kids, she’s a dentist, has ambition, adventurous, a beautiful Latin woman who is traditional and loving. Sometimes feels like a dream. Then my stbx is always trying to sabotage the relationship because she knows I met someone who actually is normal and not bat shit like her.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 01:08 PM
3

It’s crazy. There are two standards in this reddit group I’ve noticed. The majority of men who had a wife leave for the coworker, missing spark, etc. Then the other group that are leaving the wife because she’s a nut case, physically/verbally abusive, lazy and gained tons of weight (unfortunately all of these are my wife). My stbx just got on ozempic a week ago. I guess her last hail marry to try to get me to change my mind. I woke up over a year ago when she put her hands on me for the 1000th t…
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 11:18 PM
3

Mine is probably 30 pounds heavier as well. But I’m ten inches taller than her..
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 11:14 PM
3

Jesus. Sounds likes my stbx fast food habits. I’d say she spends around the same. Did yours balloon in weight? Because mine did.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 09:21 PM
3

This is exactly my stbx. She tried to tell me last night if I have to wait exactly 1 year post divorce to date/see other women. Ma’am we’re separated. I can do whatever when I don’t have our kid. It’s eating her up though.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 05:35 PM
3

Is your wife crazy or something? Speaking from experience. I’m filing against my crazy ass stbx. It’s a mess trying to untangle your lives when you have kids. But definitely don’t stay if the situation is not healthy. My wife literally just tried to attack me tonight over how we would split custody. She demands full custody and proceeds to attack me as I’m leaving. Luckily the neighbors saw it. I’m just giving an example of what I go through. Don’t tolerate a toxic wife if you don’t have to. If …
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 02:00 AM
5

Bad advice. I stayed too for the kid too the first time. Reconciled before for the kid and stayed miserable for the kid. Now I’m going to have to pay the stbx more of my 401k, savings, alimony, etc. Now I’m back down the divorce path but making it real instead of all talk. Sometimes a toxic person/marriage isn’t worth staying. I see it as a way to show my child she doesn’t have to tolerate someone who physically and verbally attacks their spouse when life isn’t perfect. My time with kid can now …
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 02:51 PM
1

Yeah this . Just date and have fun dude. It’s nice not to be tied down. Movies and social media put relationships on a pedestal. I get it, it’s nice to meet the “one” or whatever, but no rush. To each their own.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 12:09 AM
2

Yeah bro I get it. Mine is hot and cold. She can be nice, then she can go full blown psycho and yell at my nieces for cooking a frozen pizza we had in the house (yes that happened). My dad almost died 3 years ago when we were on vacation. Just an utter freak medical emergency. She was there for me for a day, then after that it was, “can we just go enjoy the vacation, the doctors got this”. Then it went to full blown spoiled psycho of screaming and demanding we leave. Long story short, that was t…
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 02:41 PM
8

You most likely had a feminist therapist or one who thinks no matter how bad the marriage sucks, you as a man bear responsibility. Good move getting rid of the therapist and good move going forward divorce. I kinda laughed at the wedding dress part because I can relate too. My wife ballooned during the engagement phase and even more so during our marriage. I also wanted to call off the engagement for several reasons (one being her assaulting me over cleaning the apartment at the time). I was a c…
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 02:01 PM
5

Your story scares the shit out of me. You make more than me, but wife has a similar job as yours. I still make decent, but with all my deductions I still net $90k. She probably nets only $36k. But I noticed on my MSA, it was required to put my gross, which is much higher. In fact her gross is only $46k. My gross is almost $165k. So gross vs gross I’m a lot higher. I’ll ask my attorney if when push comes to shove if it would be net vs. net in my state. Wife also has no degree, a couch potato, and…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 05:43 PM
2

I have an attorney. Same state as well actually.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 11:33 PM
2

What state? Trying to get mine to move out as well. Have a meeting with my attorney this week to discuss this same thing. She’s trashing the house that she doesn’t help make payments on whatsoever. Offered $1200 to assist with rent so she can be in a nice neighborhood in the same county.. She still won’t take the offer. Living under one roof and being separated only makes the separation seem fake and nothing is happening. In my case I’m the one pushing for divorce due to too many verbal and phys…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 11:21 PM
1

Oh I have been haha. I really got after it years ago when I first separated with my wife. Made amends which I knew wouldn’t work out. Now back down the divorce path. Good riddance to her. She’s crazy as shit and has ballooned in weight.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 01:25 PM
2

Me too! Haha
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 03:41 AM
2

Thanks a lot that was helpful. In a dark place lately. I’ll PM you.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 12:09 AM
3

You’re welcome my guy. Thank you as well. I’m navigating a separation and divorce from a high conflict and emotionally immature wife. I can’t love her anymore and it breaks my own heart. To be honest I married because of a kid out of wedlock and religious/family pressure. There were red flags I ignored and still went for it because I wanted to keep my family and be there for my daughter. I felt selfish if I didn’t settle with her. I still feel selfish but would rather be alone and have peace on …
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 10:45 PM
2

I can sympathize to this. We had a kid out of wedlock while I was in college. She was pretty and spoiled. I thought things could be worse. Got married after 5 years of already being miserable. My parents, her family and the church encouraged and begged us to get married. I wanted to be a nice guy and followed through to get out of the baby momma/baby daddy label. They thought marriage would fix her and us, and the thing missing in life was the magical ring and marriage contract. Us getting marri…
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 09:10 PM
5

I’m sorry that happened to you brother.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 08:47 PM
1

Definitely am. Divorcing a crazy spouse. And I mean possible border personality disorder crazy. So I record, record and record everything. Constantly get vindictive texts from her about how she will, “ruin my life for divorcing her, and take my kid away from me”. Attorney wants all the screen shots of those types of messages for a rainy day if things get real messy. She tells on her own self. I have clear as day evidence of her saying vengeful remarks to keep my kid from me.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 08:39 PM
1

Agree. Definitely fighting for 50/50.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 02:19 AM
1

I dropped the exact retainer fee in June. I was nervous as hell too. Almost turned around before I got to the attorneys office. Thought about shredding the retainer contract and just staying miserable until the kid is 18. I have a house I paid fully for, we have separate bank accounts - even though I’m constantly having to give her money because she overdrafts, I have a healthy savings account, a healthy 401k. I’ll miss my money and tucking my kid to bed every night. Then I realized I actually w…
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 12:31 AM
3

Not sure how bald you are. I was thinning like hell, and got on a finasteride prescription. After about 6 months I saw solid regrowth. Two years later I have a full head of hair again. It doesn’t work for everyone. But I can’t say it changed my look. No more cul de sac on the top of my head 😂Always worth a 6 month trial, if you don’t see results I’d drop it. As for weight like others said go gym mode. I started off walking, then hit the gym, cut my diet. In the best shape of my life. Abs are bui…
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 03:01 PM
3

You’re in a similar position of me, but my stbx wife doesn’t drink. Can hold a job. She finally has a full time job. Depressed, overweight, lazy, mean and physically/verbally abusive when things don’t go her way. It only gets worse. Can’t imagine what it would be like if mine drink everyday. When she does occasionally get drunk it’s a fucking nightmare.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 02:52 PM
2

lol it’s hard especially if you have kids.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 12:17 PM
1

You could separate now and only half of what you have at the separation would be hers. This isn’t guaranteed as a lot of times you still give her half of whatever is there at the end of the divorce process.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 11:39 PM
1

I’m there with you, sir. Wife possibly has borderline personality disorder. If she doesn’t, then she has something. I can’t deal with the violent mood swings. I’m just stuck in a sucker cost fallacy. Attorney is waiting for my green light to serve her.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 09:21 PM
2

This was something my attorney suggested too. Can you PM me how this goes? Was planning to hire a therapist myself just to unpack all of this from a neutral party. Was thinking of serving her with a therapist present. Friends/family say I should file and have good reason, I just struggle to pull the trigger. Attorney has already drafted my MSA and it’s ready to be served. Here I am two weeks later and still can’t courage it up to serve here. She’s also high anxiety and high conflict. Most of the…
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 06:07 PM
5

Refused intimacy to my violent wife once I said I was done and separating, to avoid these type of allegations. Now she plays it back that I was neglecting her needs before then. Emotional abuse is the term she’s using now.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 06:08 PM
1

Good for you. I’m tired of having to leave my own house for peace. The abuse and verbal attacks have picked up since I told her we’re done. Did you move out during the divorce? Everyone says to stay, but idk if I can keep doing that. She’s a master manipulator. Last time I threatened to call the cops, she said she would punch herself to say I attacked her (not once have I ever laid a hand on her). That’s how crazy she is. In her minds eye, she will make the world a living hell if i leave her. Ty…
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/24 11:51 AM
2

I’ll PM you later. In a similar boat, only i waited 7 years to finally decide to file for divorce. Was baby trapped as well and married when our daughter was 5 years old. Held off for a while due to red flags but pursued due to religion, family pressure and that notion life would be “easy” once we got married. You’re already smarter than me, in that you are considering divorce much earlier than I should have. My STBX also wants to relocate over 12 hours away. Going to try like hell to keep that …
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 11:27 PM
4

Amen. Honestly hate that phrase.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 08:11 PM
5

Or the “cheaper to keep her”. Psh.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 07:06 PM
6

Exactly. Overall satisfied with my attorney, but just the other day I noticed a mistake on the MSA he sent me. He included that I wish to have “6” days a month with my kid. No, I told him “16” days a month. A simple type-o. As you said, a lot of them have multiple clients and drafting mundane paperwork comes with errors occasionally.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 11:20 PM
3

Holy shit dude.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 04:12 AM
2

I’ll PM you. Have been exactly where you are, and I’m just now entering the tunnel of chaos.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 03:14 AM
7

Living in this situation too. It’s crazy how so many of us have similar wives on here. It doesn’t get better. Have you hired an attorney?
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 03:00 AM
1

Dude same. I only had a couple friends tell me marrying her was a bad idea. But my real close friends and family never told me. Even my family begged me to marry her, but half of them couldn’t stand her. They let religious beliefs and norms sway there opinion. Now they realize a divorce is most necessary. I always noticed my friends never wanted to hangout with us a couple. Now all my friend’s wives admitted they could never stand her.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 06:57 PM
2

Oh I have one, an expensive one unfortunately. I visited all the biggest firms in the area to help her avoid being able to hire them. I pay as I can to the retainer to avoid putting it on unmanageable credit card debt.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 06:55 PM
16

I’m just making a guess and assumption here. Sounds like she might be having an affair. The hospital check in was probably depression or could have been a fucked up sly move to make herself seem mentally detached and blaming you, and if so, was advice from a snake attorney. File for divorce under abandonment. You haven’t seen her in six months. Hope you don’t have kids together.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 05:46 PM
1

Can I ask how you were not allowed to have your child overnight? My stbx threatens to petition for full custody and make accusations. Just pathetic when the child has a loving and responsible father. Her claim is my job is unpredictable, which is far from the truth
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 05:04 PM
3

Nope. You’re in a bad marriage and we’re used to women being the ones that leave a marriage. I feel the same way with the guilt. People close to me even say my wife is bad for me and she’s just a hard person to get along with. Yet, I still sometimes feel guilty.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 12:58 PM
2

Appreciate the advice. Already hired an attorney on retainer. Going through the motions for the next steps. Kids are involved as well.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 12:56 PM
14

Yes, yes and yes. This thread is on a roll today with relating posts. I tolerated a toxic Barbie doll I met in college that I got pregnant out of wedlock. Got comfortable and loved my kid. Married/eloped when she was around 5 years old. In the back of my mind I kept hearing “don’t do it”, but I loved her and always will in a way. But we are just a bad match. Each year she got more toxic. Lost count how many times she’s put her hands on me for usually stupid reasons. She’s emotionally immature. B…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 02:02 AM
1

This is an excellent copy and paste. Almost verbatim financials my attorney went over with me. OP not sure how alimony is in CA, but with her making $90k you aren’t in the worst position. Hopefully not as high as you think. Try not to resent the kids. You’re unhappy with the wife and probably just bitter at home. I noticed my time with my kid is so much better when the stbx is now around. I can parent her in ways I see healthy and have fun with my kid. My wife wants to make her a Barbie, etc. My…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 01:40 AM
1

Hmm that’s sus. Good catch.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 12:38 AM
1

Makes sense. Her physical and verbal abuse became more tensed once I mentioned I wanted out. She would become emotional and hostile more and more. Then came the manipulation. She’s started calling family and friends to build a network. Now her daydream is the divorce courts and a divorce judge will make me “pay” for breaking her heart. She almost looks at family court as a criminal and punitive court system.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 04:16 AM
1

Thanks. I’ll check that out. “Caretaker” is a great word for dating or being married to someone like her. I hear all the time from my family and even her parents that they feel sorry for me for dealing with her, and of course the whole, “we are proud of you.”
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 01:25 AM
2

Thanks for the response. I just had some psychological first training for a few weeks with our work psychologist and psychiatrist. We covered BPD and other cluster PDs, and I was like holy shit, that’s my crazy fucking wife. Next time it happens I will 100% file a PO. I should have back then. What has helped calm her down is the fact I recorded it all, but unfortunately most was audio, since I recorded it in my pocket while she attacked me. I told her one more outburst and this goes to my attorn…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 04:13 AM
2

Dude this is my STBX all day too. The constant Jekyll and Hyde shit. Trying to force sex on me, and going psycho when I refuse it (been doing an in house separation for over a year). The other day she said, “just give me another baby and I’ll give you a smooth divorce”. Then today has been trying to kiss me and love bomb me. Literally forcing kisses on me. Imagine if the roles were reversed?
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 04:02 AM
3

My ex has faked/exaggerated medical emergencies to get my attention. Last one was while I was on a work trip. She called me 40 times while at a dinner party and left a text that said “taking our kid to the ER”. Then I couldn’t reach her. Found out it was a hairline fracture and my kid went to an urgent care. Why I dealt with this shit for years is beyond me. Maybe it’s the looming threat of losing my financial empire, false allegations and not seeing my kid everyday. Life is so complicated, espe…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 03:54 AM
4

I think my STBX has BPD or something as well. The rage fits by not getting her way have got so much worse over the years. The first ever episode was almost 10 years ago when I accidentally threw something away of hers while cleaning the apartment. What happened after that? She proceeded to explode in anger and attacked me with a metal rod, hit me, scratched me, etc. Then got attacked for house hunting in homes she didn’t like. Then came the jealousy rage. Then came the fear of abandonment rage w…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 03:50 AM
2

Interesting take and glad you’re making it work. Although I believe it’s 99.9% chance I would never remarry my STBX, but if we ever decided to cohabitate in the future, I would just date and raise the kids. The smarter me did that before. We had a kid out of wedlock and just dated/raised our daughter for 5 years under one roof, and life was somewhat simpler then (still many red flags though lol). Dumb me took advice from others and thought a marriage would bring peace 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 06:07 PM
5

Mine says the same shit bro. She tried to say she will start having guys come to the house. Then she asks, “how does that make you feel”. I told her it only reiterates why I am divorcing her. I told her she is vile, spoiled and lacks common sense that I want in a woman. I really couldn’t care less. For me, I filed so I have zero attraction to my wife based on her personality over the years. I’m sure it’s harder if you have feelings for you ex, so sorry to hear she’s doing that to you.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 02:48 PM
1

Glad you got out. It seems to be hard to pull that band aid off but I’m doing the same myself. Attorney has finished my MSA. Now I just need to grow the balls and serve her.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 01:05 AM
1

Haha it’s all good dude. I literally laugh myself when she brings that up in arguments. I just walk away and laugh. She gained maybe 20 pounds immediately post baby and never bothered me. The other 80 pounds came from excessive fast food and foamy lattes from Starbucks over the years. Now that the writing is on the wall, she claims she will get on ozempic injections to lose weight (has been saying this though for over 2 years). She’s too dull to get that it’s not the weight. That’s just a minor …
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 03:36 PM
2

In this exact same boat as well. Ignored it, etc. Had red flags that were there. Outbursts and so on before marriage. Trucked through because we had a kid out of wedlock and couldn’t imagine not being in my kids life everyday. I was optimistic a marriage would work and she would grow and change. Only difference is everyone sees her issues, she lacks common sense and struggles to make friends. She either gets fired from a job or is “laid off”. She ballooned over the marriage and calls it baby wei…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 06:33 PM
1

Wish it was that cheap for me. I guess it depends on location and lawyer. Minus retainer, it cost me $1200 alone just to get a settlement agreement drafted (mine was not simple though lol)
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 04:00 AM
2

Mine said the exact thing couple years ago, had some assaultive rage fits she took out on me (several in between). Gone out to bars with the whole, “I’ll find a man who treats me better.” Said good riddance, and that was quits for me. Now she’s in shock she’s getting served. No need to live like that. My big issue was the physical attacks from her. Of course the comments hurt too. Maybe she has BPD, but tired of the mess. Tried to get her into therapy. Was a mess. Oh well.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 07:05 PM
3

Interesting to see how this pans out. Best of luck. Considered this myself, but feel it would just be replacing the band aide. Not throwing shade, just speaking of my situation.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 12:06 AM
1

Yeah, I’m saying that’s why I chose a family attorney firm that only focuses on that. The other firms I checked out advertised as divorce, but when I got there, noticed they covered other areas of law. Early on in my divorce thought process I just jumping at the gun for consultations. Current attorney I chose has 20+ years and is a senior attorney. I opted for a senior associate due to my wife being high conflict (possible BPD).
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 04:57 PM
1

That is a fairly decent deal. Good outcome. I opted for a what seems to be a popular family law firm in my area. I saw 2 other attorneys in consultation before hiring the guy I went with. They both practiced with firms that did criminal, injury and other stuff. I just got a better feeling going with a firm that solely focuses on family law and custody. After research reviews of these attorneys on family matters, family law seemed to be my best bet. I’m 8 years married with one child who has a le…
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 03:24 AM
1

Leave now. I’m over 7 years in, I make good money and wife barely clears $45k. She spent half the marriage as a SAHM and the other half getting fired/laid off. Daughter is 12. The longer you stay the more she gets, and yes you are best to leave before the lifetime alimony. She will get half your retirement accounts as well. It sucks dude. Friends have told me to wait till the kid is 18. My lawyer advised otherwise. If I peel the Band-Aid off now, it’s 3.5 years of alimony, projected to be at $76…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 09:19 PM
2

Dude it sucks. But if you bring it up you’re a toxic and shallow male. Simply asking mine to fix her health and lose weight (tethering with type 2 diabetes and now has high blood pressure) is verbal abuse. The last 4 years I got to where I just did stuff solo or with my kid. She can have fun on the couch for all I care.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 03:50 PM
8

I get the stares as well dude. I stay fit, and my wife is massive. People can tell I’m miserable, and think she’s just there for other reasons.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 12:12 PM
8

Sorry to hear that bro. She sounds like an ass hole. Mine ballooned bad after marriage and I still would have sex out of primal horniness and hopes it would make her feel loved and encourage her to lose weight. Tried gym, etc. Then she went crazy herself after Covid. A year ago was the final straw.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 02:27 AM
14

Idc what anyone says dude, mutual attraction is important. If you’re older it’s somewhat understandable I guess? But if you’re young, no way. If it’s something out of the person control, I understand that too (through thick n thin). But if she ballooned..ehh naw. My wife ballooned and gained almost 100 pounds. She really let herself go. But the weight was not the main reason, but one of them. Tried for YEARS to get her to go to the gym, go for walks at minimum. Nothing. Can’t get her to do outdo…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 02:19 AM
5

Yeah I agree there. Most women are more calculated too with cheating. Starts off as harmless, then goes emotional, then goes physical. For men, we are more impulsive and it goes almost the opposite direction. Not always, but seems that way. I have a coworker who compulsively cheats on his wife. It’s always physical, and he just ghosts them after he gets his lay. I asked him why, and he said to get his fix and escape before he catches feelings. He gets away with it because he looks like Brad Pitt…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 11:57 PM
3

lol ouch.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 11:52 PM
4

It was more than emotional too. I can almost guarantee it. I’ve been there though, you deny it for your sanity and ego.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 11:37 PM
1

He says to stay and get her to leave. She won’t. I pay for the house solely with my income. She doesn’t even make enough for the mortgage and utilities. I’d have to pay for a two bedroom apartment and my expensive mortgage if I move out. Financially I just can’t swing it. We live in an expensive part of the country.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 06:17 PM
2

On a side note, do you have kids? Yeah man it’s hard. I get it. You love her, but don’t love her. You were married a lot longer, so you have more at stake financially and more time together. I feel like my wife and I have this trauma bond thing. We had a kid together unexpectedly while dating. Her parents were mean to her, so I got her out and we got our own place. I finished college, worked and she stayed home with the kid. I was content, but not happy. But things weren’t horrible and she was s…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 02:30 PM
6

Mine says the same thing. It goes from crying, self harm statements, guilt ridden statements like, “you wasted and ruined my life”, then to flat out rage and physical violence on her part. The last big divorce talk ended in her violently attacking me, to include: punching me, slapping me, scratching me, breaking dishes in the kitchen. I tried to leave, and she threatened to call 911 and cause self harm and say I did it. I sent her to her parents for a month several hours away. It sucks, because …
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 02:05 PM
9

Borderline personality disorder (PD), antisocial PD, narcissistic PD. I’m sure there are more. My wife possibly has undiagnosed BPD. It’s crazy stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 01:46 PM
16

Good for you bro. Once we got in the arguing phase and she went psycho, mine uttered, “I’ll go out and fuck other men”. She would go out to bars with her trashy friends and talk about men she met. Took that as an open invitation to separate and get away from her crazy ass. Now that the dust has settled and I hired an attorney, it’s all “I was just saying that to make you mad”. Maybe that’s true, because she let herself go about 100 pounds ago. I could give a rats ass, so went out and got fresh a…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 07:42 PM
1

This is me too. She’s hit me more times than I can count. I get scared that I’m “abandoning my wife”, but then realize I’m leaving a spoiled, money sucking occasionally violent leech who has gained tons of weight to top it all off. I love her for being a mother to our child, but can’t love her as a wife any longer. Officially hired an attorney after sleeping apart for over a year. Any advice from someone whose wife also hits him? Lol
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 02:04 AM
1

Are you saying I should find reasons to stay? I’ve definitely thought long and hard. I would love to sum up all her issues, and mine, but it would take a novel. The anxiety of leaving is coupled with my child and finances. I know from a religious and old school stand point I should stay. But also feel it’s a disservice to myself to stay as well. Sometimes I feel selfish for leaving, but then reminded who I am married to. Trust me, if you knew her, you’d ask how I did it for the last 7 years lol.…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 11:01 PM
2

What’s the WhatsApp group? Going through a similar situation as you and OP. Wife is high conflict and possibly has a personality disorder (I think this due to her physical and verbal aggression when I decided to pull away and go gray rock). Been sleeping apart in my own house for over a year. Lost count how many times she’s busted in my guest room door to attack me or come for my phone. Aside from being mean as hell when life doesn’t go her way, she’s bad with money, no job skills and pretty dam…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 07:11 PM
3

Same boat as you. I hired an attorney and they are drafting the MSA. The anxiety is more real than ever. I sometimes feel selfish and that I’m robbing my 10 year old of a stable environment. Mom and dad are not compatible, so I also worry about the toxic environment she has to see. Never have I laid a hand on my wife (can’t say the same about her to me though). When she gets her rage fits, I must admit I’ve got to the point I say things I regret to her, and likewise. All in short, my wife is a n…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 02:48 PM
4

Haha did we marry the same lady?
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 02:54 AM
1

Nope, not until divorce is finalized. She wants to go to trial and put it in a strangers hands (family court judge). Her claim is I travel too much for work, and that she can’t afford to live on the east coast, we have no family here, and she needs a support system. It will be interesting what the outcome is.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 04:16 PM
3

lol this is so true. I’m not even close to your age but get it 100%. As someone who makes decent and has a home they worked for. To lose it all and looking outward, I just see everything to be so complicated now.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 08:42 PM
8

Mine says it all the time. Threatens to move her states away to live close to family. I’ll let custody orders dictate that (which sucks). Life is short, and I don’t want to be stuck and miserable. If she’s allowed to move, I’ll do everything I can to relocate closer.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 04:52 AM
3

How far away is her hometown? You need a temporary custody in order before she files there and makes some outlandish claims to keep the kids close to her parents. You need a good attorney. Take it from me.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 08:05 PM
2

I know man. I believe the kids make the thought of divorce the hard part. The more you have, the harder. I have just one and it’s so hard dude. I have this urge to call my attorney sometimes and just pull out of the process. My wife is just too much though, and I’m tired of her. She’s the type of person that friends and family feel sorry for me just for being married to her.. lol
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 08:30 PM
1

Hopefully a judge can see through her lies.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 12:07 AM
1

Damn man sorry to hear that. That’s really awful dude. That’s some pretty evil stuff right there, especially with a new one on the way. Mine threatens those things, but hasn’t done that yet. I’ve become a king of hitting record on my phone and tossing it in my pocket. I hope the RO gets resolved. The family courts are a bitch.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 11:52 PM
1

Damn dude sorry to hear. I’m the one filing, but I’m sure that hurts more when she files and treats you like that. I’ve at least tried to be respectful to my STBX and treat her with grace, but she’s clawed me in the face one too many times. Good luck my brother.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 11:38 PM
1

Sorry for you as well. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 11:37 PM
3

Haha same bro. I’m at 820. I live in a high cost of living area and make 3.5x my wife’s salary. No way I can pay a mortgage and rent. I’m just sleeping in the guest room. Getting severe anxiety just filling out this long MSA for my attorney. Putting in all the financial information I saved and invested over the years is crushing me just knowing she will get half or more. She virtually has no savings or any understanding of money. Add worrying about my kid to the mix. It’s unsettling, so I have n…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 10:36 PM
1

God damn that’s sounds horrible. No offense. Good on you for getting out of there. Not judging dude, my stbx is a basket case and doesn’t even smoke weed or drink alcohol much.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 06:19 PM
2

Man glad to hear it is working out. For me, I just financially can’t afford to move out, pay the mortgage and find a two bedroom for my kid to stay. I make 3x my wife’s salary and we live in a high COLA. No way she would pay the mortgage. I know I’m on the hook for at minimum $760 a month in alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 09:26 PM
2

What state are you in? Because I was told even though my marriage is short term, alimony is on the table unless wife waives it - which is she won’t! I’ve been married 7 years but slept apart for over a year. My lawyer says that counts as separation, and I should be on the hook for only 3 years of alimony. This is because the marriage was technically only 6 years. Wife disagrees on the separation since I never moved out. Same as you, I’m also thinking of moving out too. Wife is physically combati…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 08:56 PM
1

Sorry that’s happening dude. There’s never a good time to hear that, but right around Father’s Day isn’t good.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 11:45 PM
9

As did I
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 11:19 PM
2

This! Listening to it myself. I feel like I need to listen to it at a library so I can down proper notes. OP check this book out on Audible. My STBX just stormed out now because I wouldn’t accept her advances. She slapped the shit out of me once again and drove off in a dramatic fashion because I won’t change my mind on this divorce stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 10:18 PM
2

I’m in the same boat in so many ways. Doing an in house separation and it’s been hell on earth. I can not afford to move out and she’s broke as shit. Now she’s threatening to quit her job. Today has been chaos for me dude. Any opposition will result in drama as they have attachment issues. Mine threatened to keep my kid from me all day. Record anytime you sense an outburst is coming. I learned to record in more private ways, as it provokes her more if she sees me recording. Also screen shot all …
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 10:16 PM
2

Man sorry to hear that. Mine is leaving for a month soon. Best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 07:12 PM
1

I’m doing the same man. I can’t afford my own apartment and the mortgage at the same time. STBX is broke as fuck, and she would let the house go into foreclosure. It sucks, but get to see my kid like I want. What I do for ease, is leave every other weekend to go stay with friends or fly home to visit family.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 12:16 PM
1

Scared for my financial future and even that of my stbx. I think what you’re feeling is normal. I’m the one pretty much wanting divorce and I’m plagued with guilt, even though I know my marriage is unhealthy. My scared brain tells me it’s normal to have a wife who can’t control her emotions, temper, bad with finances, lazy, etc. I realized I’m comfortably miserable and scared of not seeing my kid everyday. Success for me will be freedom from drama. Not sure the reason for your divorce, but wish …
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 02:27 AM
2

Can you also PM me. I’ll give you the cash. I trust you.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 02:59 AM
9

4 guys in a month is wild.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 08:17 PM
2

lol good god. I got 100+ the other night. Now today they are “I’ll fix myself, let’s fix our marriage”.. too late!
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/24 11:18 PM
1

Sounds like mine. I just let her talk to herself in my messages. Then she will block me on everything, like I care anyways.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/24 09:36 PM
3

Good point! Lol
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 05:58 PM
1

You came out on top all things considered
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 05:36 PM
2

Same boat. I will message you. I’m in the process and it’s chaos. Only in the early phases.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 05:06 PM
1

I agree with airsailer. I took above advice and prolonged the inevitable. OPs wife is similar to mine in laziness and unattractiveness, just add rage filled outbursts to the equation. I could have left 3 years ago and didn’t. Now I’m in more of a financial pit going into a post divorce world.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 12:39 AM
1

I’ll PM you. Sounds like we are married to the same woman. Lol.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 12:36 AM
5

Amen to that. Have a buddy getting divorced as well. He thought it would be smooth because his wife makes quite a bit more than him. Problem is he has a pension at our job, and he’s retired from a 20 year active duty military career. She’s getting half of that. She went in strong and is leaving stronger. Oh, and he is still paying child support.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 05:57 PM
2

Bro just wow. Well, she will be his problem now. He will come running to you asking how you dealt with her lol.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 05:05 AM
6

Yep and early on before kids. Guy essentially walked free from a bunch of future headaches.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 01:15 PM
2

Thanks. I started recording about last year when I know a rage flare up is coming. Got a video of her attacking me for checking my daughter’s temperature and administering a non invasive Covid test. Last week she accused me of being a pervert because I walked into her room by mistake when she was changing clothes. She’s already started the smear campaign. She called in-laws of my brother’s side of the family to say I’m mean, aggressive, I’m abandoning her, etc. She knew this would trickle back t…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 08:57 PM
1

Yep. I have looming threats and possibility of my wife relocating 10-12 hours away with mine to a super small town she’s from. Guess I’ll get a job at the only gas station in town.. Hoping I get 50/50.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 05:37 PM
3

Same man. One kid and the wife is a nightmare, especially since I’ve started separating. She either goes from being in denial, to attacking me physically or my character. About to lose a lot of money, but the price of peace has to be worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 05:21 PM
6

With one myself. The rage, abuse, accusations and shaming are the worst. What pisses me off the most is her telling the kid, “dad is abandoning you”. No, I’m abandoning a vicious and blood sucking wife. Oh well, my daughter will one day see the truth.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 05:19 PM
2

Same boat, but mine is uneducated. Been fired 3 times in 5 years. Quit several other dead end jobs. Has a decent job now, but still only makes 1/3 of my salary. I live near expensive ass DC. Scared shitless how I’ll survive after this.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 03:04 AM
2

Yes. All three of mine cost something. I noticed usually it’s the rate of the lawyer. First one was cheap, $125 an hour. That guy sucked just from the consultation alone. He came off lazy and apathetic. The second one was $400 an hour for consultation. I did my research and the guy sucked with divorce but great with criminal defense (his firm practiced all types of law. He seemed like a salesman. The third was the best. $250 for 45 minutes and the firm focused solely on divorce and custody cases…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 03:01 AM
1

OP I was in your shoes and still am if I’m being honest. She will lay her hands on you more as time goes on. That’s how abusive people are. My stbx says it’s ok to hit a man as it’s not abuse to slap or scratch me. Or she just flat out denies it. Can’t make it up, she says that shit all the time. She says I’m sensitive for labeling such actions as “abuse”. I used to name call her as a reaction to her actions. The past year, I just let her hit me and I record. I know when a flare up of rage is co…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 06:35 PM
8

Disappearing in the mountains or floating down a river on a canoe for several days is my way of healing. Little harder doing it with all I got going on in life. But your post reactivated that inspiration. Just what I needed to read.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/24 04:50 AM
3

I’m for sure going to miss having my kid everyday. Family vacations were fun until my wife would get spun up over something. I had a high conflict/emotionally immature wife. So the wife part I won’t miss. The family part and being in my kids life everyday I will miss. I sadly can’t get along with my wife nor tolerate her, not many people can. I do know I’ll be in the same boat though seeing her and my daughter doing stuff, especially if another man is involved. I try to relish in the fact I don’…
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 11:00 PM
1

Almost thinking of using the house tactic myself and saving my 401k and pension. The house has quite a bit of equity..
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 06:45 PM
6

lol I got punched in the nuts 🥜 a couple months ago for refusing sex. I’m a horn dog, but her craziness (she further proved it that evening) just makes her a complete turn off. Yep, insanity bro. And she still gets half..
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 01:03 AM
8

Dude mine is driving me crazy too. Her birthday is next week and she’s asking if we can hangout and if I can give her some intimacy. I’ve told her a hundred times that ship has sailed, but she doesn’t register it.. Took my daughter out today, and she’s been blowing my phone up non fucking stop.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 08:06 PM
1

Haha yes that’s true.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 03:25 PM
3

Could be money from her parents? I’m in the same exact boat, married the same amount of time. She doesn’t have nearly that much as she’s horrible with money, but she does have a few thousand and tons of ridiculous debt. Found out her dad made a bank account and has been giving her $500 a month for years. She tells him I don’t help out like I should. Funny, because I pay about 95% of all our bills. I pay the mortgage, taxes, insurance, utilities, etc. PM me.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 03:55 AM
2

Get a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/24 10:56 PM
1

My STBX wants me to take our daughter off my insurance to up her child support income..
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/24 03:19 AM
1

Do you have kids together ?
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/24 12:33 AM
2

It’s hard to tell people. I only talk about it with my family and a couple close friends. At the end of the day it’s our journey.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 12:52 PM
1

Oh ok. So you actually never hired that firm that she’s using now?
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/24 01:22 AM
1

Yeah man, I mean the at-fault shit really doesn’t make sense to me. Maybe if the marriage is extremely short term (like less than a year) it could help get an annulment? That’s the only thing I can think of. Or perhaps parental abuse on a child that would result in divorce? I could see that creating grounds for full custody of a child. For assets, it doesn’t make a difference. My attorney said my wife could have been arrested for DV, but she’s still getting half lol.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/24 12:19 AM
3

I’m in an at fault state. At the end of the day infidelity doesn’t have much bearing nor does domestic violence (stbx likes to put her hands on me when life doesn’t go her way). It’s still a 50/50 split per all three firms I checked out. The only thing in my state it gives you if you file for at-fault reasons is first say and last say if it goes to trial. So my wife still gets half of my 401k, etc. It sucks. As far as custody it will help for sure. But infidelity has no bearing, and sexual inter…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 01:49 PM
1

What state? I thought ex-spouses couldn’t hire the same firm the other spouse has used for family law matters? Most law firms won’t allow that in my area, or at least they say that. All three firms I checked out had to run a check to make sure my wife hasn’t hired them.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 01:38 PM
2

System is fucked. We are all getting fucked by the long dick of family court in one way or another..
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 03:17 AM
2

I feel like I’ve heard Mass and CA are some tough states to divorce in? I’m still unfortunately in the early phases. My wife has a borderline personality type personality, I’m not a doctor but she’s super high conflict. Her ego takes the front seat, so she says once she is served she is fighting to go to divorce trial. Stupid is, stupid does. I look at my post divorce expenses as a really really expensive car that drives me down the Highway of Freedom that eventually takes me to the Town of Peac…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 02:09 AM
3

Damn sorry to hear that bro, the system does suck. She still gets half of all the shit I saved. We’ve had separate accounts since marriage because she’s absolutely horrible with money. So it will be like a massive pay day for her. And my bad, my income is actually $150k now. That’s my base. I used to make close to $200k because of overtime, so got used to typing that. My bring home is whack though after insurance, 401k (she’s getting half that, my pension (she’s getting some of that, my Roth (sh…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 01:18 AM
3

Damn my guy, so sorry to hear that. No offense, but doesn’t seem like you make a whole lot either so the judge just fucked you. That is biased of her to say and claim. Everything in court is “supposed” to be recorded. Have your attorney get that statement from court records. Her job is to be unbiased. You have a lot in equity though. A family inheritance, even split into an account should have at minimum been split 50/50. Note to self, never move to Kansas. My stbx also doesn’t have a degree, an…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 12:07 AM
4

Dude this is a crazy and outrageous divorce settlement. I see that it was in the judges hand, so I’m not ragging on you at all. Female judge, huh? I’m sorry that happened dude, that is beyond shitty. What a piece of shit family court system this is. How long were you married? What state was this in?
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 11:53 PM
1

How would a forensic accountant not discover the movement of these funds? Genuinely curious.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 07:51 PM
2

Yep. This is the exact answer an attorney will give. The working and higher earner is just going to get screwed in a divorce. We both have had separate finances since the start of the marriage (she is horrible with money and spending), and she still gets half. Simply the way it is. It does suck ass though haha
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 07:49 PM
1

Thanks. Didn’t think about state.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 06:37 PM
2

It’s pretty hard at times. I’m 34 so hasn’t been tough, but they don’t like I have a kid and going through a divorce. I did meet a keeper who is in dental school, no kids and 31. Cute as ever, but my stbx is sabotaging everything and of course begging me to come back (years of manipulation and random rage assaults turned me cold and I told her I’m done). So I’m thinking about telling her to focus on dental school. I feel like I met her too fast. I don’t want my stbx scaring her off and/or physic…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 06:03 PM
22

What’s even more shitty is how paid alimony can’t be deducted to your income now when filing taxes. So essentially Uncle Sam sees the divorced dad as a rich man, even though he is quite poor after everything. At this point the child support doesn’t scare me as much as the alimony and 401k payout she will get. On paper the government doesn’t care how much we give to the ex. Just sucks balls. The system was designed to scare people into staying into shitty/toxic marriages no matter what. Meanwhile…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 02:30 AM
1

Oh for sure man. Hired an attorney and just trying to find the appropriate time to serve her. We were thinking of the law office, but doubt she will show up. As I said, now she’s in the denial stage that this is happening and wants me to come back to the bedroom, etc. It’s getting old. How did your divorce go? How did you go about serving her?
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 01:49 AM
2

Think my wife has BPD too. If not, she’s got something similar. I feel OP, I even feel guilty. Then I remember I’ve lost count how many times she’s hit me or gone ape shit over little things. Some things were my mess up, but felt like physical violence wasn’t the answer. Now she’s in the sad and denial stage. It’s hard. Ugh.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 01:04 AM
2

Ha in a similar situation. Sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 11:05 PM
3

Second this. In an at-fault state, but even here the attorney says it has no bearing at the end of the day. My wife has committed DV multiple times. Plenty of proof, and still, she gets half and half custody. But then again the family court system is biased against men.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 11:02 PM
2

They certainly will, especially if he has photos. With that age, it could technically fall under felony child abuse if the slap/assault was with significant force.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 08:09 PM
3

I’m in an at fault-state. It still doesn’t mean jack shit. My wife has been physically abusive over our marriage and it’s kicked up the last two years. I started recording, documenting, etc. All 3 attorneys I met with told me the same thing. For me it will help with custody, but will not with financial splits. She still gets half my 401k, half from the house I paid for, alimony, etc. As far as affairs go, even if it was an at-fault divorce, it won’t affect time with the children, unless the AP a…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 03:24 PM
3

This is great advice. She’s so caught up in the moment that she will be dreaming of optimism with the new guy. Sell her on the idea of the freedom they can have. She’s taking advantage of you, so do the same back to her. Just divorce her man. Don’t live like that. It’s humiliating, and I know it’s tough.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 03:21 PM
4

Dude wild how that happens, yet such an easy thing to happen. I believe mine quit taking birth control to baby trap me. What’s even more wild is how I went autopilot and just moved in and eventually got married. Kids bring optimism, especially if you like kids. Now that she’s getting older I guess I woke up to how toxic things have been over the years. STBX even asked me to give her one more baby before divorce. I shit you not..
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 11:48 AM
3

Slapping a 15 month old in the face is extremely uncalled for! Consult an attorney ASAP. File a protection order for the child’s well being. Then file for divorce. You and your child don’t deserve this. Think about what would happen if the roles were reversed.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 02:18 AM
6

Right on man. Good to hear. Props to you for being a good dad. Love mine more than the world, and that’s half the reason I tolerated this toxic marriage with my wife. If my daughter didn’t have the issues she had, I would have filed sooner. Oh well. She’s also independent in her own right. She gets herself ready for bed, ready for school, she can cook easy stuff, clean, etc. Her social skills aren’t the best, and she obviously struggles in academics. Best of luck man.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 01:36 AM
1

Oh damn. Has she worked at all during the marriage? Well mine has been off and on employed. She was horrible at being a stay at home mom (sleep in, never clean, eat all day). She finally worked but has been fired or quit from a half dozen low paying jobs. She finally has a decent job that pays close to $50k but I make around your ball park as well. She’s already talking about quitting or going part time at work, go figure.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 12:33 AM
2

Got baby trapped as well with one kid about a year into dating. Talk about horrible timing, as I was literally about to dump her. Doesn’t matter. I was 21 and my world went upside down. Thought after a couple years of living together we could get married. Boy was I so stupid. Now 12 years later and a divorce looming, I’m also considering getting snipped as well. I’ve slept around here lately since separated and the anxiety after sex kills me. Had a condom break a couple weeks ago right at climax…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 12:05 AM
4

Damn. Is what it is. Sorry. We also got mine some gifts. She made a sly remark, but we are cohabiting during this time, so thought I’d do it for my daughters sake. For the card, gift, etc I just had it labeled as coming from the kid. Off topic question, as my kid also has a disability (specific learning disability). Are you having to pay lifetime child support? My wife is pushing for that. I don’t mind at all CS, but feel like after 18 if she hasn’t become more independent than we can just share…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 11:56 PM
1

Damn, sorry you’re going through that. Do you make a lot more than your wife? And ditto to that alimony, that’s exactly the amount of time I would have to pay. Together 12 years and married for 7.5 years. She thinks she’s entitled to lifetime alimony because I make 4x her salary. My attorney said the max state mandate is $763 a month haha. Sucks to pay that, but I’ve seen worse. Child support $425 as well if I’m granted 50/50. I look at is a car payment on a new car/freedom from a woman who is i…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 11:49 PM
2

Exactly man. She loves to flout, “no woman will want a broke single father”. If she only knew. She’s the one that’s overweight lol. Now comes the fake sweetness from her lately. Trying to repair damage that can’t be undone. Fake DV claims and all out DV on your partner is crossing the line. We’re both making good calls here. How long were you married?
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 08:40 PM
2

That’s the plan man. I’ve told her she can enjoy half of the money I work for (I get it’s technically marital property even though we don’t share accounts), or she can challenge it in divorce court and use her winnings to pay for her attorney for the high cost legal battle.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 08:28 PM
2

Also divorcing a high conflict spouse. Just paid my retainer recently. Goals for me are 50/50 custody. At this point I could give a rats ass about money, although important and sucks I’ve worked my ass off to get a good job and savings. My wife threatened to call 911 two weeks ago when I reminded her the divorce is happening. Her claim? When I hugged her (which she slapped me immediately afterwards) was an aggressive hug. Was just trying to comfort here as she was hysterical. Last time I do that…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 08:22 PM
3

Oh absolutely. I agree. I refuse to be the nice guy that deals with this bullshit because I’m the bread winner and a father. I may become poor for a little while, but I’ll still be an active and happy father. And year I’d be in prison if I did this shit to her. Even with evidence, she still gets half of everything is the wild thing. I have to realize that’s the cost of marital division to get out of that mess. Funny thing, now she’s back to her “sweet” episodes, but I reminded her she’s crossed …
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 11:41 AM
3

Same in my state. We’re doing an in-house separation. However, it’s been hell on earth. Lost count how many times she’s attacked me, then tried to beg for love, then to turn back around and make passive and very aggressive statements to me. So trust me, I totally get the moving out part. Only my name is on the loan, and I can’t afford an almost $3k mortgage while trying to rent a super expensive condo (live in a very very expensive county in Maryland). So I just have to embrace the suck. I told …
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 01:56 AM
1

Must be a big gap in income. You have to pay that for 50/50 though? My stbx and I have one and I’m worried about how I’ll get by after alimony and CS. Pretty big gap in income. Also man, used to the toxic behavior on my end too. It’s rough. Rough as hell. Good luck with everything.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 01:50 AM
1

How many kids? That’s a hefty CS payment..
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 12:18 AM
1

100 pounds for mine haha.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 03:57 AM
1

My wife doesn’t drink much, but she has physically attacked me on numerous occasions. Big reason for me filling, on top of her emotional immaturity. Two weeks ago was one of the worst incidents I’ve seen from her, and her dark and evil claims after her rage. She proceeded to threaten to call 911, and claim I attacked her first. I had visible scratches on my face and arms. All from trying to give her a hug to calm her down during my “we need to seriously divorce” speech. She claimed the hug was a…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/24 10:14 PM
2

Early stages as well. Did in home separation for a year. She now claims she didn’t agree to the separation. Since you’re a first responder fight for your pension. I have a pension and 401k that she is trying to chase if I file (she doesn’t know I’ve hired an attorney). Filing seems to be the hard part.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/24 12:43 AM
2

He’s got a point. Her seeing someone while separated and even all out affairs hardly have any bearing in divorce proceedings. At least in the state I’m in. I’m not sure there is much you can do if you don’t reside in the house anymore. If the guy uses drugs, or is unsafe, only then would you really have a fight against this. I understand it’s unsettling and it would worry me as well, especially with kids. You know nothing about this guy. I get it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/24 11:16 PM
1

If you get 50/50 custody and pay for health care under your plan it should drop CS greatly. Mine will be $460 a month if I can be awardees 50/50 custody and keep my child under my health care plan. Looking at $760 alimony. Of course you have more kids than me, but I would think 50/50 should help with CS payments. Maybe different for your state, but worth fighting for. I feel that’s a horrible deal man, but also make almost twice as much as me. I’m $175k, wife is $48k. She’s trying to quit her jo…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/24 02:57 PM
1

I’ll DM you.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/24 03:53 PM
1

Ahh gotcha. Makes sense that was probably his pay when he lived down there.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/24 05:48 AM
1

A win.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/24 10:23 PM
1

I’ve got 4 divorced coworkers from Texas and none of them of them had to pay Alimony. It does seem all of them pay hefty CS though. One guy pays $1900 for one kid!!! wtf?!??
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/24 09:53 PM
1

Ahh gotcha. I think we spoke in another post. That’s a good outcome overall man, big ups! I’m in Maryland and my attorney said we need to try our hardest to avoid divorce court, as the procedures here are drawn out and the cost could go up to $50k. Whereas a conference settlement or mediation would be from $2k to $10k. I went with an expensive but popular divorce firm, because mine is going to be high conflict. Hoping to avoid court (laughs in panic).
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 05:11 PM
1

What state do you live in? My state pretty much requires me to pay alimony 3 years post divorce at a rate of $760 a month, unless she waives it. She’s definitely not going to waive it..
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 03:48 PM
8

Mine says the same exact shit dude. I always tell her, if she “loves” me so much she wouldn’t have rage fits and attack someone she “loves”. She wouldn’t verbally harass the so called person she loves. She would help grow with him and help plan for a financially secure future for us and our kid. It’s all a tactic to make you feel guilty and keep you around. She misses that you will provide for her, and sure she may love you, but you know your heart man. Only one life on this earth. Be a good dad…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 12:33 PM
1

Yeah dude it sucks ass. Crazy wife too?
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 12:52 AM
1

Crazy wife like mine eh? Did she cover the mortgage? I need to move out, but financially how the heck do I do it? She doesn’t make enough, and I’d have to pay it and find a 2 bedroom so my kid could stay with me on my days. Live in a very expensive part of the country. They need divorce welfare for dads trying to leave a crazy ass woman..
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 12:44 AM
2

In the same boat with the house. Toxic and crazy wife doesn’t make enough to cover the mortgage, HOA and utilities. I’d have to pay that, plus rent for a two bedroom somehow? I just financially cannot make it work. I make decent money, but live in a high COLA. Ideally, I would love to get out of the house, because as others have said she could call 911 and make false claims. She almost did that two weeks ago, after attacking me of course. She claimed the hug I gave her to try and comfort her was…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 12:42 AM
1

Yeah man, same house. Been sleeping in separate rooms for over a year, and off and on a total of two years. I get repulsed just sleeping next to a woman who hits me when things don’t go her way. She begs for sex and thinks I’m gay. Lol. I just lost all attraction to how manipulative and crazy she is, plus her weight. My attorney said that sleeping apart that whole year counts as legal separation, but she doesn’t concur. I’m trying to continue staying in the house and will at least try to let her…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 07:57 PM
3

In the same boat my friend. Hired and attorney finally, and going from there. I tried to be civil and tell mine, resulted in her attacking me and going bat shit crazy. She’s begging me to stay..
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 06:16 PM
3

Dude, same. Hung on for my daughter. We don’t get along, and I feel like we’re together for a matter of convenience. Couple that with her high conflict temper when things don’t go her way and her negligence with finances and adult responsibilities, it’s just a recipe for disaster. Trying to navigate divorce is tough. Honestly whole marriage has been hell, but the last two years have been the worst. She wants to “work it out”, well I’ve worked it out enough. I’m done and just want out. Good luck …
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 01:53 PM
1

What state are you in?
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 12:18 AM
5

Same boat, minus the bank account part (separate bank accounts or she would have already done that). Mine also says she’s going to call my work and get me fired by whatever means necessary. She’s flat out physically attacked me a few times. Disappears and then proceeds to blow up my phone. She’s also reached out to my family and her family to make all these outrageous claims about me. Today she refused to take our daughter to school, so I had to call out sick to take her. I told her she needs to…
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 11:34 PM
4

Build up my savings and 401k that she is about to take half or more from. Go on dates and have fun. Backpacking, canoe trips, maybe get back into mountain biking. Ahh, and yes, have a peace of mind!
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 10:50 PM
1

Yeah dude for sure. Luckily in my state her moving without a divorce order or custody order in place is illegal, but I’m sure you’re right and there is a loophole that her and her wealthy parents could file. They have 50x the amount of net worth I probably have. They are boomer farmers and DOCTORS with a lot of property they just sold. The thought of that alone keeps me up at night (funny because they also can’t stand her either). I wanted to call the police so bad. I actually used to be a cop y…
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 03:55 AM
1

Ahh gotcha. Supposedly Maryland is current income, so I dropped OT (even though it’s barely been offered). Stbx is stating she is going part-time or quitting to up CS and Alimony. Was told that shouldn’t affect my case much, since her current earning potential is book marked. She’s nuts and doesn’t think of her financial future, aka a big reason I’m getting out. Just a money sucking wannabe soccer mom..
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 08:26 PM
1

What state? In the same boat with overtime. Last two years it was a heavy offering, lately overtime has been less at my job and it’s unpredictable.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 02:30 PM
1

Thanks for that and thank for the referral for that book on BPD. Not sure if that’s what she has, as I’m not one to diagnose things. But after reading several articles it’s so pin point to how she acts. She clearly can’t take “no” for an answer
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 01:26 AM
1

Oh absolutely man. Plus I’m not in the business to diagnose. What’s funny is, is she always tries to claim I’m narcissistic. Women going through a divorce love to throw that word around loosely. How did your divorce or current situation pan out?
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 11:00 PM
1

Been a disaster. But it’s got a lot worse over the years. I ordered some rings to set up in the basement, living room and the guest bedroom that I sleep in. That’s where all the episodes happen if you want to call them that. Also cameras in the front and back yard. Thanks for the tips though. I used to be a cop many moons ago, so yeah, I know how a false allegation can set in a wave of motions even if charges are dropped.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 10:58 PM
1

Crazy is crazy does. Get out man. Married to a crazy myself. Stopped dealing with her shit and have been cold towards her. She continues to be crazy but she’s getting served soon. Got punched, slapped, scratched and kicked in the nuts last week for trying to deliver the “divorce is coming” speech. Didn’t go well obviously lol. I documented and recorded most of it. Now she’s begging and pleading and promising she will change. Separation of a year in the same household has been hell. I told her to…
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 06:08 PM
7

Agree. r/divorce is horrible in my opinion. I posted about my wife being physical abusive when she doesn’t get her way, and told my short comings as well. Several female posters claimed it’s hormones, I’m not meeting her needs and that she perhaps has ADHD (I have adhd, but I don’t attack my spouse when I don’t get my way). That sub Reddit is more so catered to women. Most of the posts are women leaving their husbands because they don’t feel loved or they lost the spark. Post a similar story as …
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 06:01 PM
5

Some states, don’t have the leveling field of 50/50 when the process starts. I found that out this week for me. Some states the burden of proof is on opposing parties to claim why the other spouse doesn’t deserve shared custody. Then some states like mine, the burden of proof is on each party to show why they deserve 50/50. That’s what the attorney told me. I think either way the system is beyond fucked up. Unless you’re a shit bag parent, drug addict, or a danger to the child you should be gran…
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 11:46 AM
1

What state do you live in? How far away is she? You guys have one child together, but did you legally adopt the other two? Or are they step children? You might have some issues with custody and completing the divorce process in two different states. Mine wants to move back to the bum fuck town we came from, which is a whole state and ten hours away.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/24 11:48 PM
2

Damn your story reminds me of girl I just started dating recently while separated. We were friends years ago, so reached out as I always had a crush on her when my marriage was going to shit. She is a dentist with a drive in her, she is shy but sweet. She’s given me a chance but is also reluctant and has somewhat of a wall up at times. She knows my situation but I think is a little insecure about my situation at the same time, but I completely get it. She’s polar opposites of my lazy, crazy and …
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/24 11:20 PM
1

Damn good news for once. Congrats man. I can only hope to get a results close to this. High conflict spouse on my side. She gets to hit, scratch and attack me but somehow I’m still looking at paying her half my shit. Would the results be the same if roles were reversed? I just hope for 50/50 custody. I live in a state where a judge decides custody. Fucking sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/24 11:50 AM
2

Found a firm today I like. Next pay check I’m putting in for the retainer and going from there. Married to a fucking crazy myself. She is by all means bat shit. I hate to leave, but for my sanity I can’t stay. Hello to being broke and at least having some decent peace in my future.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 11:56 PM
2

Damn that’s honestly not a bad deal all things considered for a long term marriage. I’m looking at $400+ in CS for one kid IF I get 50/50. Alimony for 6 years isn’t the worst thing I’ve heard, especially for a long term marriage. Did you make a lot more than your wife? The legal fees are high! Holy shit $40k! How long did it take to settle?
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 10:20 PM
6

Vengeful much? Why wish harm on his parental rights. Yeah cheating is bad, but people get hooked on drugs and still get custody. Lots of angry women in the mens divorce sub this evening.. OP hope that doesn’t happen. Women leave their husbands for another lover all the time still get the kids. Situation shouldn’t be any different for him. You should fight to get shared custody. Family courts seem to be leaning towards 50/50 custody more so these days. OP Fight for your kids, they will still need…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 04:08 AM
4

We hear of the wife on here leaving for an AP and getting their fair share of parental custody or majority of custody all the time. At least OP admitted his faults. I would say just because he was a bad husband doesn’t mean he deserves a poor relationship with his children. They may judge him for it one day, but I would hope he is still able to maintain a meaningful relationship and gets to be an active father while they are growing up. I’m not condoning cheating at all, but seems the courts nev…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 03:24 AM
2

So should he stay with the wife who he’s unhappy with? Not condoning the cheating, but legitimately wondering. We read on here all the time how the wife had an affair and life goes on. At least he is owning it. Women of Reddit always come out of the woodworks in this sub when men post their story with a dark truth.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 02:42 AM
1

Sounds like my wife. Zero financial planning for her future. Barely can hold a damn job too. Lost count how many times she’s been fired, quit or laid off. Then long months of unemployment. Now she wants to quit the best job she’s ever had so she can get more alimony…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 12:17 AM
5

Hey man how did your divorce turn out? Did she suck you dry financially? How did custody with kids workout if you have any? I’m choosing to end mine too as my wife is just so impulsive, spoiled and has such a high conflict personality. I can’t deal with the drama and unpredictable behavior if I say something or do something that sets her off. I’ve come to realize I shouldn’t be subject to domestic violence from my spouse. She thinks I’m overreacting because in her eyes, she’s just “hormonal and …
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/24 11:30 PM
1

Yeah just the ex being reasonable part is not there. I 100% get what you mean, and have seen it from other couples splitting up. I would have loved nothing more than to do it that way. But my STBX is high conflict as hell. She has a high paid attorney her parents are paying for, so I don’t necessarily feel comfortable representing and researching everything on my own. I appreciate your input though.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/24 05:03 AM
3

Dude sorry for all you’re going through. We also live in the same house with one kid. I’m leaving mine for her toxic personality and high conflict bs. She keeps threatening to go out fuck someone else. Wish she would to leave me alone. PM me for any questions bro!
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 09:57 PM
2

Dude I know. That brings me down to $2750 a pay check, then take out the best case scenario CS/alimony and looking at a bring home of $2180. It’s like taking a demotion, or buying a really expensive car-ugh. I may have to adjust my 401k for the short future just to have some more to get by. Not like it matters, she’s taking a huge chunk out of the 401k.. sucks bro. It’s a massive pill to swallow for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 09:56 PM
8

Oh absolutely dude. I just tell myself that the $1185 I pay is like a monthly ticket to not deal with chaos that she brought and continues to bring to the table. Was attacked last Thursday for trying to tell her the divorce is 100% happening. She went beyond bat shit crazy. Of course now she says she will never hit me again and wants to work on “us”. Well I’ve heard that about 20 or more times. I’ve been too nice all these years because of our kid and the idea of losing money. Well it’s time to …
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 05:32 PM
6

Man I’m with you. How many kids do you have? I’m looking at $1,185 best case scenario, with alimony for the next 3 years. I say best case scenario, because if she wins more than 50% custody, then CS will go up significantly, bringing the total number way up. I currently bring home a little over $6k after all my retirement, taxes and deductions. That income will drop significantly just by filing single from now on. Cant imagine what my bring home will be once she also gets alimony and CS. Of cour…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 05:05 PM
2

Man found out mine gets a piece of my pension for life and half of 401k, savings, etc. I knew the 401k and assets were cut in half. Never thought the pension part was a payout for life.. shit. Good luck man.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/24 10:55 PM
1

This attorney I met with at the second firm said his primary focus is divorce and criminal law. The one I meet with next week strictly deals with divorce cases only, as does his firm. When I called the paralegal for the firm next week, she said since my spouse is violent and has a temper, she can recommend an attorney with their firm who focuses on high conflict cases. My divorce will be within the same state, as my wife and I are doing a cohabitation separation which has been a living nightmare…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/24 05:45 PM
1

What’s your opinion on a firm that does divorce, criminal, property rights and injury all in one? Reason I ask, I met with a lawyer last week and he and his firm cover many scopes of the law. He was very knowledgeable compared to the first attorney I met. He covered a lot and seemed to know his shit. He wants a $7500 evergreen retainer out down. I am meeting with my third firm that focuses solely on divorce cases only. From there I will make my choice. I can’t keep paying expensive consultations…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/24 05:07 PM
3

I’ve done two consultations. First guy charged $125 and he seemed apathetic, especially regrading my desire to have shared custody of my kid. The second one I met with was $400 an hour, but the guy talked with me for two hours and was really methodical and broke down alimony and child support plans. Said he would fight tooth and nail to try and get me shared support. I have one more firm to see next week that focuses on divorce law only, and I was set up with a lawyer that focuses on dealing wit…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/24 05:03 PM
2

I’m afraid this will be my situation in the coming months. STBX wants to take the kid 10 hours away so they can live with her family. To quite literally a two stop light town that is not close to anything. Doesn’t matter to her, her parents have money to continue to spoil my lazy wife.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/24 04:32 PM
3

This is good advice here. No point in introducing a kid to a new woman anytime soon. Also nothing wrong with going monk.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/24 02:04 PM
1

The alimony does fall off after 3 years though. So at least it’s not permanent. If we were married longer, it could have very well been permanent.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 10:41 PM
1

Yep bro. Attorney said we can “negotiate”, but who isn’t going to say yes to equal distribution as the default law of the state? I can hope and dream I suppose. Divorce laws are really fucked up. I make almost 4x her income so I have to supplement her enough to get by.. shit sucks. I don’t mind the child support. It’s the other stuff that is the hard pill to swallow.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 10:40 PM
3

Get back to them the best you can. My STBX is fighting to take my child back to her bum fuck town that is 10 hours away. Fighting like hell to make sure that does not happen.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 06:59 PM
3

Married no, date sure. Not sure if I’d ever want to get into anything serious again, at least not for a while. Marriage is just a business and the wife is the CEO you have to pay out when you leave. Would rather have a summer job where I just have fun and quit at a moments notice, if you know what I mean. I know get it though, this shit has showed me how bad women suck. Then all the single ones are pretentious and think they deserve the world.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 10:29 AM
5

Thought about doing the same dude. She is out of hand..
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 12:41 AM
3

Damn. Sorry to hear. Mine threatened to call 911 on Thursday and say that the hug was assault. I said go ahead psycho, we will both go to jail and our kid will be in foster care. She hovered her finger over the call button for 5 minutes. That just proved I’m married to a nut case and reassured me I’m making the right choice by divorcing her. Mine has picked up her physical abuse alot more lately. Believe I got punched in the nuts around Easter because I wouldn’t have sex with her (horny as shit …
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 12:17 AM
6

Opposite at my house, at least last week. We hit our 11 month mark of sleeping together. I told I will be filing next month at the 12 month mark (have to wait 12 months in my state to file if you have a child). Anyways, she went complete bat shit. Slapped me when I tried to hug her and calm her down. Unplugged my Xbox in the basement and threw it. Then went upstairs and broke dishes and stuff. Broke bottles of cologne and perfume to stink up the house. I tried to leave and as I did she scratched…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 11:48 PM
3

I’m looking at $761 in alimony, $424 in child support (if I get 50/50 custody), half my 401k, half my savings account (she has no savings whatsoever), sell the house she gets half (I paid for it, made every single payment and repair) and a portion of my pension for life goes to her. Only married 7 years. Divorcing primarily on spousal abuse from her, as she’s bat shit. It absolutely sucks, so I feel your pain bro. To know I’m divorcing her because I’m tired of being attacked by any little thing …
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 04:52 PM
1

Hope to be here soon. Found out I’m looking at giving the stbx about $1180 a month in CS and alimony, and about $80k-$100k from my savings pot, 401k and equity from the house. Hoping for 50/50 custody, or at least something to decent so I can be a happy father. It’s crazy, because the loss in money is a tough pill to swallow, but i realize I’ll have some decent freedom. I could care less at this point. She will blow through it, but it won’t be my problem anymore. No more crazy emotional fits, ha…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 06:44 PM
3

Dude I feel you. Same shit probably just a different story. My wife goes from crazy and hostile with her high conflict personality. Then wants to be loving and ask for forgiveness, etc. Her family, my family and all of my friends and some of hers know she’s a lot to handle. I’ve hit my end of the road where I can’t hang on anymore. I wanted out over two years ago and here I am. I held on for the kid and to give her a mom and dad, but tired of her seeing the drama. I constantly get asked by every…
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 03:35 AM
1

How far away are your kids?
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 11:50 AM
3

Kind of going to be in the same boat. They understand why I want a divorce, they can’t even get along with their daughter. But at the same time are starting to resent me and want her and my kid to move back to their state and move in with them (something I will fight in family court until I’m broke). Before all of this mess I got along with them pretty well. I was the guy they would call when my wife was acting up towards them. She would feed them a bill of lies to try and get money from them. I…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 12:13 AM
4

Look for divorce support groups in your area. They exist.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/24 10:18 PM
2

Dude. Run. I know easier said than done. So much drama. I would file a TPO if she’s dangerous with guns and get custody of the kids for their safety. That is extremely dangerous and impulsive behavior while she is under the influence. Your kids safety and yours is paramount in this situation. We have the same exact timeline with marriage and being together btw.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/24 10:00 PM
3

I agree dude. And same. I should have divorced her almost 3 years ago when shit hit the fan with her, maybe before then.. Shit, I should have honestly never got married to begin with. We had a kid while I was in college and she was lightly crazy then. It has just worsened over time. I’m no saint either, and thought with my penis instead of my brain. Just two unhappy people who are married. But here I am. Yeah dating is rough. A lot of women are so self entitled and they are just subpar. Even a d…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 04:46 AM
2

In the same position. Wife/stbx did finally enter the workforce again in August, but is once again talking about quitting. No degree, lazy like OPs wife (occasionally does the dishes), gained tons of weight. So doing in an house separation. Happiness is better than money at the end of the day, I’m finally starting to grasp that concept. But is a hard pill to swallow when you work 10-12 hours a day and finally make a comfortable salary.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 04:04 AM
4

I’m somehow on the same page with you and OP. I’m 34, so wouldn’t mind another kid but only if the conditions are ever so right. Other than that, I’m also very content with my one kid from the STBX. I can show her all the love and be as active as possible during my time with her. Tonight it’s just her and I at the house tonight, and the peace is unreal without the mom around!
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 02:51 AM
1

What state is this? So I can move there if I ever remarry.. lol
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 12:43 AM
1

Nicotine pouches (Zyns)
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 12:39 AM
2

This reminded me maybe I shouldn’t sell my specialized for divorce money, and use it for divorce stress lol
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 12:39 AM
4

Borderline Personality Disorder or Bipolar Disorder? Others and myself think my wife may have Borderline Personality Disorder. She’s just turned into a complete nut case slowly overtime. It’s gotten to the point the last three years I feel like I may lose my mind just dealing with her. Sucks because we have a child. But yeah I’ve fallen way out of love and just want out. I tried to tell her I wanted a divorce to be upfront and honest, and it’s just made things much worse with her (no surprise). …
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/24 02:50 PM
5

Jesus. Does she have anything serious? I may have one to top that. In 2017 my wife called me to say her and my daughter were in a “serious” car accident. By serious she ran over a small log that busted her tire. She made it safely to the shoulder of the road per her dad. Then about 3 months ago I’m at a cocktail work party on a work trip about 12 hours from home, wife calls and calls and calls. I figured to nag. Then I get a text, “your daughter is being rushed to the ER…”. I go in full panic, s…
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 01:59 AM
1

Late as always. I’m a fed too in IT. Does she get half your TSP and pension for life? My attorney said mine would only get half for duration of marriage. Married 7 years so she will get annuity pay out for 3.5 years when I retire. He said TSP could be half lump sum, or half of payment as well for 3.5 years. Idk if he’s being optimistic so I pay the retainer..
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 12:16 AM
2

Going through this too. Meeting with another attorney next week. This time I’ve been gathering all my financials, what I want out of custody, delved deep into the issues of our marriage, etc. I made a folder, and pretty much a check sheet to talk over things with the attorney. In my area most consultations are $300+. The one next week will cost me $400. I’ve told my wife a few times I want a divorce, but she is high conflict and gets combative and angry about it. So not sure how I will officiall…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 04:40 PM
3

Yeah man, it’s exactly how I word it when I tell friends I want to divorce my wife. I hear to often from them, “dude just tough it out until your child is 18”. Well that’s 6 more years away. I don’t think i can even do another full year with her mom. I am simply comfortably miserable because I see my kid everyday, but at the same time slowly losing my mind. Her mom is literally bat shit crazy. I won’t throw out the typical she’s a narcissist bs, because I’m no psychologist, but she has some seve…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 12:53 PM
7

For me it was work, finances, custody, STBX’s family (who I get along with, but whom also want to pry her and my child back to their hometown if I follow through with my wish to divorce), my comfort zone, seeing my child everyday, giving her a two parent household, living situation and all the other extensions that came along with our marriage. For me, I am the one filing. It took me over two years of long sleepless nights. With my STBX violent nature towards me when things are an inconvenience,…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 12:16 AM
1

Yeah those calculators are scary. Not sure how realistic they are? When I put in the difference in income, I’m giving well over half my income and I’d have to find a homeless encampment to settle in.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 05:45 AM
6

Same as to what I’ve discovered. It’s funny in the heart of my marriage most of my friends and closest sibling were single. Now as I’m approaching a divorce everyone is either married or engaged. Funny how it works like that. I’m going to be a one man army out there for now.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 03:05 PM
2

Yeah don’t be blinded by the new woman. I wouldn’t move for her. If she’s two hours away you can juggle that on the weekends you don’t have the kids. If she really likes you and is willing to give it a chance, then there ya go.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 01:17 PM
1

Yep, exactly. I remember the first attorney I met with told me cars in our state are usually not split. If you have two cars. Each spouse has the car they normally drive. For example mine is paid off and I got it before marriage. So the title is only in my name. So that’s a no brainer. I could probably afford a car payment that stays under $550 a month, but thinking of just updating mine. Mine just has a lot of miles. That $550 future car payment could be $550 I use to help rebuild my life each …
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 12:58 PM
2

I wonder the same thing my man. The untangling itself seems so hard, especially since I pay and have paid 100% of the bills. Add kids to the mix, just makes it seem more daunting. Luckily we have separate accounts and credit cards, but the house, cars, bills, child care, etc seems like a head ache to figure out. Almost like accepting another full time job with nothing but drama as the job duties.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 12:48 PM
2

I’m still looking for that answer. I’m dealing with a high conflict, dramatic and sometimes violent STBX who takes nothing of bad news well. I don’t even know how to approach this. I fucking hate all eyes on me and drama. I just want 50/50 custody, give her half my shit and be done. That’s not even on the table with her and her very involved parents.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 12:39 PM
2

Good luck to you as well bro
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 11:42 PM
1

Guess it doesn’t matter the state. Everyone is the same, PAY THE LADY!!
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 10:54 PM
1

What state do you live in?
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 10:48 PM
1

Naw I hear you brother. Same story here, and stbx has been unemployed majority of the marriage, either by choice or because she got fired from entry level jobs (probably still her plan because she’s lazy). Mine is also abusive as fuck. I just leave my own house I PAY for when I see the rage signs come..
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 10:48 PM
2

Right. Figure I’ll just do some updates on mine. Both of our cars are thankfully paid off. I’m sure mine will win the house that I’ve made 100% payments on, get half my 401k, savings, etc. Makes you wonder why men initiate divorces at a much lower right. I feel like we have so much to lose. If I can just get a decent amount of custody time with myself daughter and at least survive, I think I’ll be happy.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 09:24 PM
2

I was thinking the same thing as well. I want and need a new car, but wondering if it’s a loss in the event it gets rewarded to her. If I’m on the hook for my money, can I even afford a car payment with for sure CS and possible steep alimony payment? I’m meeting with an attorney next week so an answer I will ask.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 08:42 PM
1

What state are you in?
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 05:44 PM
2

Dude this is me in a nutshell. Wife barely works or holds a job. I currently make 4x her current income. Her average income over our marriage has been $14k if you calculate in all the years she was fired and dragged ass to get a job again. Her parents are extremely wealthy. Her dad is a retired doctor, and owns a ton of valuable farm land in the Midwest. On paper she is poor, so that’s all the courts will see. I just don’t understand how the hell I will afford to get by, take my kid to do fun th…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 03:24 PM
2

You’ll get there bro. I know it’s easier said than done, but you will bounce back my guy. Best of luck out there and with post divorce life.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 12:11 AM
3

Man this! I noticed I thrive when my STBX isn’t around, especially as a parent. I can take my kid to do healthy things and actually get her out of the house and away from electronics. She left for a couple weeks and the house is clean, we can do what we want. I’m a more motivated dad.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 03:03 PM
3

Does your employer have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP)? Sometimes filing with this and utilizing that program can help.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 03:01 PM
1

Sounds sorta like my wife. She isn’t necessarily weird with my kid like that, but has a temper and since things have been bad she hides my daughter from my parents, threatens to take my kid out of state back to our hometown (12 hours away from me). If he wants to divorce her, he is well within his right as she seems bat shit crazy. Idk how he does it and idk how I did it all these years. There will be drama if they separate, but he needs to meet with an attorney and see what his options are.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 12:27 PM
4

I agree. One of my best friends and his wife had a $30,000 wedding that was super fancy. He had to pay for everything and she only works part time. He’s still paying it off and will be for awhile. A year later and they are already in couples counseling and having issues.. As for me and my STBX, we had a simple church wedding, but guess I’ll be spending what I saved on an expensive divorce..
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 11:51 AM
2

I think OP is with a high conflict spouse who is vindictive. I suggested marriage counseling and individual counseling for my wife’s behavior (physically abusive), and she just says “you go to counseling”. Sometimes when you’re done you are simply done.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 12:40 AM
2

I’ve been doing this too, but consultations alone are driving my bank account low. Most are anywhere from $250-$500 for a consultation.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 12:36 AM
5

Going through this now. She wants me to disappear and be punished by not seeing my kid. She is threatening to take my daughter out of state. Her ego is taking over and has been filled with rage since I told her how I felt. I understand what you’re going through. Mine is batshit crazy. If you have any questions feel free to PM me.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 12:34 AM
1

Don’t chase a woman who doesn’t respect or love you back man. It’s a one way street. You only make yourself look worse in her eyes. Consider it a loss and move on, brother. I know it’s hard, been there before. Start hanging out with coworkers, go to the gym, avoid excessive amounts of booze and destructive behaviors, try to eat cleaner and chase some other women once you’re ready. I would highly advise to leave her alone, she has asked for that. It could get worse legally for you if you continue…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 04:33 PM
1

Same. So glad I didn’t put my wife on the mortgage. She’s just on the deed.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 01:02 PM
4

You’re where I was at 2 years ago. I should have filed then. It did not get any better for me. She went zombie mode and behaved for about a year, but started back last year.. My wife never attacked our child, but she’s said crazy things to her. All her hate and attacks have been at me, but it indirectly affects my kid. She told me on my daughters birthday she wishes I would die or kill myself. A few weeks ago she attacked me for giving my daughter a Covid test because it was the last one. Anyway…
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 12:20 AM
2

You are in a similar situation with me with the house. I bought the house, loan is in my name but title is in both our names. I’m the only one who has made payments towards the house. I understand equal distribution and I get it, but shit still sucks. My interest rate is 2.7%. I don’t want to lose this interest rate either.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 01:30 AM
3

Right on man. Good to hear. I also have a daughter and she’s 11. Haha sometimes just looks and game can do it. Pulled some good dates back in the day and was making half a third of what I make now. Figure with the money I make now I can have a good time, just also know I’ve gotta pay the wife a fat chunk either divorce is finalized. If I can get 50/50 custody I’ll be good. Alimony is looking like about a $1000 a damn month. My confident side is telling me I’ll fair well out there, then my doom a…
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 01:51 AM
8

Do you have kids? Reason I ask, my wife and I took a separation back in 2019 for a couple months. I ultimately called off the divorce and came back because I love my kid and just couldn’t fathom not seeing her everyday. Now the pressure of being miserable and mistreated has me back and this time I’m ready to end this. Back to my brief 2019 separation, i was killing it with hook ups and casual dating. I was also 30 pounds lighter, more toned and only 29. Women didn’t seem to care I had a kid, but…
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 01:15 AM
3

Dude I wish I could get this kind of divorce and custody settlement. Your story gives me hope, as the income difference is there. My wife makes 1/3 of my salary though. It used to be about 1/4 my salary but I quit working overtime to help out with the salary difference. Sounds like Texas has some fair divorce laws?
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 11:04 PM
1

I do have a friend who is not allowed to hangout with me by himself for guys trips after his wife found out I am divorcing my wife. Yep, won’t even let him go on a canoe trip with some other friends and I. She doesn’t see the bigger picture and thinks I’m leaving my wife to be a bachelor. I am leaving my wife because she’s physically abusive, impulsive, lazy, doesn’t care about her health (way over weight). Maybe she fears I’ll be a bad influence and want to run around and party like I’m 20, lol…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 12:28 AM
8

Yep. Even when a man files a divorce against an abusive wife, no one cares and I’m seen as the one abandoning her. Her and her family want to take my kid out of state back to their bum fuck farm town. I’m anxious to see how the divorce courts handle this. Reverse the roles and I’d be in jail with no custody rights…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 10:40 PM
3

Yeah that’s twisted. Sometimes I think guys fall on the nice side more so in these situations and ultimately end up getting screwed. I hope by some way he can’t get out of that ridiculous alimony payment. I make 4x my STBX salary, so I wonder if I’ll be in the same boat. Live in a high COLA area, so I may have to take refuge with the homeless under the nearby overpass if so.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 07:49 PM
4

Should have listened to mine…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 02:43 AM
3

Man 100%.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 01:57 AM
3

Well said
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 12:57 AM
8

Enjoy it my man.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 12:56 AM
2

Sorry kids are involved. I’m sure you’re a good father so it makes this decision harder. I’ll PM you later man.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 12:20 AM
2

I too am in a similar boat as you and OP. May PM you later for advice. Meeting with my second attorney next week to see where I can go from here. Met with an attorney back in August but dragged ass, so here I am onto try to muster the courage to file again. My situation is complicated with a kid involved and family lives hours upon hours away.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 12:16 AM
1

Dude your wife is similar to mine with the abuse, jealousy and weight. Read the first paragraph of my first post. I’ll PM you later. It only gets worse man.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 12:07 AM
1

Try viagra. I used to get performance anxiety or whatever it’s called. I think a lot of it was also stress as I’m always paranoid that a woman wants to trap me with a baby (I know this is a toxic and stupid fear). My STBX essentially trapped me into a serious relationship and marriage by secretly halting birth control. So I always have that fear of that happening again.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 10:43 PM
1

I’ve done the therapy route but that doesn’t stop her mood swings. I’m taking legal action instead with an attorney, aka a divorce. But yeah, I would suggest a divorce in your situation or ask yours to try couples counseling. It only gets worse.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 11:05 PM
2

Sounds like my wife, just add slapping, punching, scratching, etc to the mix. Then she completely denies the shit when I have videos and recordings.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 12:53 PM
2

Exactly. Even if she wanted to admit, she won’t because it would give you a leg up in the divorce process. Any decent attorney will tell her to not admit.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 03:34 AM
2

Meeting with the friend at the hotel after you expressed you didn’t want that seems a little off, especially an all male group and she stayed until 2am. Then the same male friend comes by the house the next day to pick her up for brunch. I can 100% see your frustration on that one. Not to say she didn’t anything like cheating, but still disrespectful.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 12:43 AM
3

Yeah, i feel like right when I get the courage to get divorced, literally all my friends and siblings are married. Even my best friend who has always been a man whore and single, is now getting wifed up and proposing. He’s in the honey moon phase and his fiancé doesn’t want him hanging with a dude going through a divorce. So I completely understand the loneliness part. I don’t have any family close besides my STBX and daughter. STBX is fighting to move 10 hours away to her family. I just do what…
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 11:20 PM
2

Thank you my man, same to you. How far away is your wife trying to take your kids? I met with an attorney a couple months ago he seemed to point to the notion of letting her go and me avoiding alimony. Since of course gave up that law firm. I get where the attorney was coming from as we currently live in a high cost area, I make decent money buy my wife makes a quarter of my salary and overall struggles to hold a job, but why should my wife be able to take my daughter after she’s been physical a…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 05:40 AM
3

Yeah mine is wanting to move my kid across the country to go be close to her family. I have a tough battle as her parents want her closer and are wealthy. So they will fund her attorney until I’m bled dry.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 04:59 AM
1

I’m in the same boat with the house and got a good rate and deal in a high cost of living area. I got a 2.5% rate. The loan for the mortgage is in my name only. Wife wants everything as she has no savings, stocks or retirement. She only lives for the present moment. I make 4x her salary, so I’m totally fucked.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 04:56 AM
2

You owe no one an explanation as to why you want to divorce. People latch onto the 70% of women who initiate divorce, and men are seen as monsters when they want to file. Like it’s some big shocker. There are women who may be good at heart, but are just bat shit crazy (my situation). I am sympathetic as I am the one wanting divorce on my end too. This isn’t Iran, you can divorce in this country if you simply aren’t in love. I’m sure there is more to the story and that is your business. No need t…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 12:02 AM
1

In a current situation myself. I make decent money, but in a high cost of living area with this crazy inflated economy. My wife doesn’t make a sustainable salary, she’s bad with money and never helps with bills. Toxic household as well with a kid. I understand all too well the feeling of being trapped. I’m concerned how I will even survive as well.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 10:24 PM
1

This was me 3 years ago when my wife and I first ran into a major break, minus escorts. No judgement on that, I just never came across that. But I did a lot of hooking up and with adult money was able to be a man whore on work trips. Now I’m back to divorce phase life, this time I’m finally filing. I’m trying to avoid women, but it’s hard for sure. I itch every weekend to go drink and hook up. I have to remember I’m under a microscope now from my STBX and her attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 05:43 AM
6

That’s insane. Hopefully a reasonable judge handles the case and see’s that her actions put the kids in danger. I sympathize with you, as I have a STBX who is violent when things in life don’t go as she would like. I’m nervous about custody as well.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 01:09 AM
1

Haha they are from experience
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 12:39 AM
6

Stay always: bad with money. no real career goals. no higher education (not the most important, but helps with careers, etc) grew up spoiled. no outdoor hobbies. bad relationship with her parents (this can vary if the parents suck) boring/no interesting skills. lazy
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 12:52 AM
2

Damn. Sounds EXACTLY like mine. Especially with weight, money and the Starbucks habit. Mine would spend copious amounts on Starbucks, Chic Fil A and Panera bread. Made about the same as your wife, and she could barely keep money in her account. That should not have been a tough task for someone with financial discipline, as I let her have her own bank account, while I covered 95% of the bills. She only helped a little with daycare.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 06:13 PM
5

Dude come on. You’re also paying for her car and the insurance?
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 02:13 AM
3

Amen, can agree with that. Have observed as well. I have been abused/hit so many times by wife over the smallest issues. In fact today I tried to stay at my house that I am stuck paying for, and I got punched in the arm for administering a Covid test to my kid who thought she was sick. Rewind 6 months ago and I met with an attorney about my wife’s outbursts, and the attorney didn’t seem phased at all. I said I had photos/videos, and he said no need to show him. Like it wasn’t a big deal. Men are…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 12:17 AM
5

Man going through a similar thing in regards to a crazy soon to be ex. She can’t let me go pretty much for her ego at this point. Any of my family and extremely close friends know we have a doomed marriage and how she is with me and others. She’s persistent to make me a villain for wanting to leave. I’m honestly scared for the next girl I date, as my STBX will get super jealous. I hate to do it, but may have to file a restraining order if things end up getting that bad. I too know people going t…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 04:32 PM
6

Haha yep. Anytime you try to find some divorce articles, it’s normally catered to a woman. I vented about this awhile back on a post. Got some hate for it but whatever, that’s how I perceive it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 04:26 PM
11

Most divorce articles and self-help guides are also focused on the wife in the divorce. I think 70% of divorces are initiated by women. So for men who choose to initiate a divorce and seek guidance through literature, there isn’t much out there.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 03:58 PM
1

It’s the PhD. Nothing wrong with a 32 year old and no kids. Lol she’s not that old.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 03:33 AM
1

Naw that’s normal for women with a high education. I met a chick who is 31 and is finishing up all her dental schooling. No kids, etc. Career and school focused gets some women out of that primitive and child bearing culture so they can focus on the task at hand.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 03:31 AM
3

I’m in the same boat as to how we married. We had a child unexpectedly and then got married 4 years later. I saw several red flags before marriage, and why I dragged out just dating her and not marrying (I was smarter back then). At this point my marriage is just charity so no one else has to deal with her attitude, anger issues, lack of work ethic and so on.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 01:24 PM
3

No equity in the house? I believe you buy her out half the equity, not the homes whole worth. You can pull against the equity with the bank.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 12:53 AM
1

She could use something like that against you. The AP could file a suit and in some states even legal consequences against those sending dick pics. Eventually one of them would cave and say where they got the number from. Quick criminal subpoena could locate you by your IPN/IMEI or email tied to your account. I know it’s a far stretch, but plausible. Last thing you want is extra ammo on you during a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 02:52 AM
3

Oh my god that’s an insane amount if you had to pay that. Essentially a whole pay check would go to her if that happened. Mine has been abusive so thinking of bringing that up if she tries to fight for alimony. I have hard evidence, etc. I’d essentially get fucked. I make 4x her salary almost.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 06:56 PM
2

How much did you have pay in alimony?
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 06:04 PM
1

Jesus Christ she is not asking for much (sarcasm)
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 03:25 PM
1

Very true. Even though I make good money, after I pay her CS and alimony, move out, I’m not sure how I can afford to get by. Especially once I have to change on my W4 to filing single. That alone will eat away at $500 a pay check. She doesn’t make enough to get her own place, so looks like I’ll have to move out. Not sure how in the world I can afford rent, pay the mortgage and all the court ordered maintenance to her I will be stuck paying during the separation phase. I live in a really high cos…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 11:58 PM
2

If she is still talking to him, she is using Whatsapp, Signal or Snapchat to communicate.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 05:09 PM
1

That’s good then. Always good to avoid alimony to a leech. Child support is already enough. I’m in a equal distribution state and most cases are generally finalized as no fault. I’m trying to leverage my wife’s abuse so she will negotiate and waive alimony. But she’s claiming I’m verbally abusive and controlling. Im literally begging her to leave, not sure how that’s controlling.. My attorney says if she moves out of state I will be exempt from alimony. I’d almost agree to that, but it would be …
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 03:17 AM
2

Not sure the state, but not necessarily true. Would just be for half the length of the marriage. Where I live i still fall under the legal definition of a “short term” marriage because it is only 6 years long, and long term in my state is 10 years. I understand the career part all too well. I work in IT and make a healthy six figure salary and spend most of my paychecks on bills and our insanely high mortgage. The only bill she contributes to is half on child care. I can’t even afford to get my …
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 03:00 AM
6

I understand your situation a lot. Somewhat similar to mine. We had a kid around the same age as you and your wife. Except we had our kid unexpectedly on my end. She got pregnant while we dated. We played house and things were ok. Then when my daughter was five we got married (eloped) and moved off for my job. My wife has been lazy and barely able to hold a job. We’ve been fighting for over two years. Now my kid is 11. My wife has gained an insane amount of weight and is not independent or self …
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 02:39 AM
2

Good luck. Great news as a father for getting the kids. Usually that never works for us.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 04:43 PM
3

A-fucking-men!!! Mine gets literally fighting mad if I try to clean up her messes, as I assume she takes offense to me trying to clean up her hell she creates. Complains how I clean while scrolling Facebook with her ass glued to the couch!
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 05:34 AM
6

Could probably count on one hand how often mine has done dishes in a year
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 05:23 AM
1

It’s hard though when you grew up like that or came from a lot of hardships and/or religious teachings that seemed to be the best healing at the time, or what was offered by peers/support systems. But I definitely agree with you. I broke away from the church years ago. The church is one of the things that pushed me to a toxic marriage, because i had a kid with my wife out of wedlock and it’s what “god” and family wanted. I won’t blame the church or my family. I made my decision that’s for sure. …
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 07:53 PM
2

Yep. Mine wants to take all my money as a punishment. In my state it’s equal distribution during divorce, but she wants more and full custody to make me pay as she says. Like it’s some criminal punishment for wanting out.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 06:40 AM
3

Churches don’t think logically and don’t think or consider individual needs. They want you to follow a scripture, etc. My wife and I eloped because of church as well. I knocked her up, took responsibility and loved my kid, so we moved in together. Got married when my kid was around 5. This was from constant nagging of the church, my parents and her parents, and of course my wife. I thought I could become happy as she promised to change. Dumb move on my part. Pretty much got married for my kid an…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 08:12 PM
9

Same 100% then some. Mine was fired twice last year and sat on her ass for 8 months. Wanted to be a stay at home mom, although our daughter was ten and in school all day. Didn’t clean, just slept all day. Other than that changes jobs constantly, and horrible with finances/doesn’t contribute.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 07:29 PM
3

That’s pretty cool bro.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 06:48 PM
1

It’s sad man. It’s taken over the media and the courts. Like I said, even when I google search for tips through a divorce, the articles seem to be primarily catered to women wanting to leave their husbands. Not much information for men wanting to leave. And yeah, courts just love to fuck the man over.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 04:22 PM
4

Sorry to hear that man. It sucks knowing others are going through the same thing, but at least we can reach for advice, etc. She sounds a lot like my SBTX as well. Doesn’t work much, and she has no drive for a secure financial future, horrible with money, doesn’t save, etc. She relies 100% on me as she spends her paychecks the moment she gets paid. When I refuse to help, she goes to her parents. Mine doesn’t drink much, but when she does she can become mean. Mine likes to binge eat, which is gro…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 04:20 PM
6

Sure doesn’t take much looking 👀
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 02:13 PM
6

Damn I am so sorry to hear that. I sympathize so much, because idk how much I’ll get fucked on with alimony. I make 4x my wife’s salary. She normally can’t even hold a job. May I ask what state you live in?
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 06:12 AM
7

Yep, an old archaic religious system man. If I did half the shit my wife has done to me I’d be in prison. Through all this I’ve lost complete sexual attraction to her. She’s cute even though she’s gained a lot of weight, I’m just not attracted to her overall self anymore. With everything going on, she has been demanding sex and groping me and trying to force herself onto me. Lol I laugh at myself because normally I wouldn’t care and would indulge, but I’m just completely turned off. Reverse the …
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 06:02 AM
5

I’m kind of fucked though. She will for sure get almost 50%. I only had like $5k in savings before marriage. I will admit we went from rags to riches, but I solely created the money we have. We don’t even share bank accounts because she is so awful with money and holding a job. In my state, more custody does mean less child support though. I also have another hurdle, because she has wealthy family that wants to drag her back to their state if we divorce. Not sure how long I could drag out a divo…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 05:58 AM
5

Sorry about that man. I’m still in the pre-file stage. The not seeing my kid every day has been the only tiny thread that’s kept me from filing years ago. It also used to be my money, because my wife doesn’t make shit nor does she even like to help or save money. But the money thread was cut long ago, and could care less as long as the courts don’t royally fuck me, which I wouldn’t be surprised if they do. But yeah, the system is almost never going to benefit a man in a divorce or even make it f…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 05:46 AM
6

Yeah, roger that. I agree. Just frustrating and stuff. I’m sure some women get the same judgement as well, just seems overfall men get a bad rap if they file or not.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 04:53 AM
1

Haha same also
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 12:53 AM
1

Did we marry the same woman! Except mine was the opposite of exercising. Became obese and compulsively ate junk food. Almost like she wanted me to become physically and psychologically attracted to her.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 12:53 AM
2

This!!
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 11:47 PM
1

Haha yeah pretty much. At the same time, me pushing for divorce has them offended and wanting to drag her and my daughter back to their hometown. I think so the mother in law can escape her horrible marriage and be distracted as the over involved grandmother 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 02:26 PM
5

Man sorry to hear that. I hope they learn to come around and see the truth. My family and my wife’s family all know she is crazy. Her parents don’t even get along with her because of her attitude. But they think I should suck it up. I think because they don’t want to deal with her. For my family, my mom is understanding of me wanting a divorce. But they throw the religious aspect into and that just gets on my nerves. I’m once again sorry yours is rejecting you. Mine probably wouldn’t do that, bu…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 01:40 AM
2

This is actually well said.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 04:16 AM
3

Very true. I get it, the gay community went through hell for years and sure still do. But if you see in these threads that a man leaves his wife for his gay lover, he gets a sympathy pass for wasting her years. When a straight man does it he’s a POS. The blue hair Redditors are vicious and aren’t in tune with reality. Most people in the real world see cheating as bad behavior no matter gender or sexuality. Reddit users are usually the hipster minded types who go with what’s in the norms of their…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 04:14 AM
5

Yep 100%, or go to r/divorce and people are also more sympathetic when a man comes out as a gay man and had an affair with another man. Cheating is bad either way you look at it, but women and seems the gay community discovering themselves get a pass. If you’re a straight male and you cheat, you’re going to burn in hell, especially amongst the Reddit community. If you’re a woman or a gay man, you get a sympathy check.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 03:39 AM
0

Exactly. We’re also “narcissists” too. Women love to throw that at us. But when they cheat for being trapped it’s viewed at much more sympathetically by their peers and the courts. Mine was physically and verbally abusive. Lazy and never could hold a job, and we have a daughter I would die for. So I felt trapped and still do at times. I convinced myself it was easier to cheat and have my money and my kid. I’m finally waking up and realizing maybe losing a few nickels and dimes is worth it, but i…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 01:23 AM
6

Our situations are similar while also being much different. I would say cheating is always fucked, but can’t judge because I’ve been there and done that. Losing a side chick in the midst of a dead end marriage is a pain that is hard to describe because you have no where to turn or not many people to talk about it with. You’ll of course be judged for cheating, etc., once again been there.. Keep your head up.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 12:47 AM
1

You can live together in Virginia during a separation waiting period. You just have to sleep in separate rooms.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 11:25 PM
1

For sure. I thought about also doing less overtime at work and opting out of some the extra programs. I could lower my pay to $140k and it would only put me at 3x my wife’s salary, versus 4x what it currently is. That would have to also have an impact on my alimony and child support? Because fuck, the money she gets will go to hair, nails, etc. I unfortunately was dumb when I decided to get married, and decided to trap myself with a soccer mom type woman. I’m only 7 years into the marriage, so 3…
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 08:00 PM
1

Haha dude I’m trying to muster up the courage. I want out and feel like a prisoner, but I let guilt and the unknowns plague my mind. Going to meet with another attorney next week. I will PM you.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 01:45 AM
16

This is insane. I’m starting to see why people stay in miserable marriages, like myself.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 03:53 PM
3

Haha yep. They also get this from other women who are divorcing. Didn’t you hear? All men who divorce their wives are a narcissist! Just go to the r/divorce thread and every other post is “leaving my narcissistic husband”. It’s so overused. I told my wife years ago I wish she would lose weight, and she clings to that as my verbal abuse to her..e
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 10:05 PM
3

Mine is emotionally abusive and physically abusive at times too. I just started having the separation talks and they are not going well. According to her I’m a narcissist 🙄for wanting a divorce
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 09:24 PM
5

Haha thought about this myself at times
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 02:35 AM
1

Gotcha. Thanks for the update. Mine has been working for 8 months. Hopefully that helps with my alimony. My child support looks like it will be similar to yours most likely.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 01:55 AM
1

Naw definitely haven’t given up. Just wanted to see if this happened to anyone. The attorney I initially hired seems to think the judge may allow her since I travel for work, and sometimes internationally and it’s last minute. My rebuttal was, ok. Fine. Then mom can have her that week or weekend I have to travel. Obviously going to go with another firm, as they seemed too sympathetic to my wife living far from family. My family also lives out of state as well. I just hate the headache how it’s a…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 01:28 AM
1

Well I’m fucked if that’s the case. Especially if our states have similar laws. Did your wife work at all?
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 01:26 AM
3

Do you make $15k after taxes? Not being nosey, just trying to do a comparison by how much I will possibly get fucked..
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 10:55 PM
2

Holy shit! Does she work??? How much does she make? That seems awfully fucking high.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 09:53 PM
3

Man to be honest I wouldn’t doubt it, would not doubt it at all. It seemed authentic as she said that shortly after her and I got into our routine arguments.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 02:02 AM
2

Nice. Never heard of that. I’m sure it’s a treat. I’m thinking about giving my bourbon and gun collection to my brother as well.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 12:24 AM
1

Damn this shit is intimidating. Sounds like a criminal trial almost. What state are you in? I’m concerned my crazy wife will argue the same, as I like to collect bourbon, and of course drink it from time to time.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 11:58 PM
2

Afraid it will turn into 18 years of “talking about it” for me too, if don’t pull the trigger soon. My wife has anger issues, and I have issues being attracted too her anymore. I’ve been really craving a divorce for two years. Been married for 6. I get to where I’m finally ready to file, then feel guilty for my daughter and breaking up the family. She asked me before Christmas if I could stay married to her mom as a gift. Broke my fucking heart to hear that, but I just can’t anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 11:54 PM
1

Didn’t even think of that to be honest. I will for sure check that out. This law firm I met with kind of seemed to suck in general, even in regards to my custody. When it comes to finances I’m good at saving and invest heavily in my 401k, but that’s it. Not too privy on the basic knowledge of the law on it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 11:35 PM
1

My thoughts too. I think this initial law firm is lazy and maybe sees me as the bad guy because I admitted my short comings and bad character traits, which was cheating. The attorney I met with had this theory that since I travel for work overseas occasionally, that she could have a fight the courts eyes for majority custody.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 11:33 PM
1

Maryland.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 11:11 PM
1

Yep. The low end ($800) is based on if she stays in state and let’s me see our daughter a decent amount. Thing is I get eaten alive in taxes and deductions. That $1500 will hurt like a bitch! Attorney said my marriage is still short term, so I need to definitely leave before the 10 year mark.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 10:53 PM
1

Just per the last consultation I had, the attorney said to look at losing 50% and possibly paying Alimony. Losing half of savings won’t be horrible. It’s the alimony and house. How do I get by while she lives in the house that I will continue to pay for? I am pushing for us to sleep in separate rooms and co-parent while we go through the one year separation phase in my state. The biggest thing holding me back is my child. Her family can’t get along with her, but her dad is her dad and he is a re…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 10:51 PM
1

Yeah, for sure looking at that as well. Was already thinking of seeing a shrink just for stress meds at this point.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 10:46 PM
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