After 3 long years, my divorce was signed by the judge. We were separated for one year going back and forth trying to tell ourselves we could do the divorce ourselves, but when I would come up with a plan she would ghost my idea or come up with outlandish ideas. Attorneys got involved by year two of separation. My divorce went better than my anxiety told me it would, and not near as bad as horror stories from friends and coworkers, but I still lost some money. I was ordered to pay alimony for 4 years and of course, child support. I feel as for now I can pick my life up from this, and with the income gap I’m ultimately satisfied. I think I benefited by having a decent attorney and keeping things out of court. We settled by negotiations outside of court, but boyyy was it a ton of back and forth. We came very close to trial. If not for good legal counsel, I’d probably be seeing my kid a few days a year and paying a lot more to my ex monthly than I could afford. Don’t get me wrong, I still pay her a lot. I’ll keep incomes out of the story on here, as I don’t know if she’s on here. Best advice I can give for those divorcing a high conflict person is as follows:

1.) get your ducks in a row (finances, information needed for custody arguments).

2.) don’t leave the marital home. This one is tough and if you must document why. I probably should have with my ex being crazy, but I found escape on the weekends with hobbies, time with my kid, dated in the shadows, and took tons of work assignments to stay away from my ex. I made refuge in a guest room and in my basement.

3.) always record when she is near (if you’re in a one party state). Consult counsel on this.

4.) be present for the kids.

5.) find hobbies during the separation phase.

6.) hire a good lawyer but not a bull dog car salesman type. I hired an experienced trial attorney in anticipation for the worst - thankfully we avoided trial. I also lawyer shopped before I picked the firm and attorney I wanted. Also, pick one close to the court house in your county if you can, this will save money 💵 on travel fees they charge in the event of trial. As many know, they bill for everything. Keep communication minimal and factual - don’t message, call or email when you’re upset. I learned this after a while - you’re wasting billable hours sometimes talking to yourself.

7.) manage your money the best you can, you’ll need it for lawyers. No big purchases.

8.) workout and find some healthy hobbies.

9.) I was always against therapy, but about this time last year I decided I needed it. I also talked to those willing to listen and really found it helpful talking to other people going through a divorce.

I asked for the divorce due to my ex wife’s temper (violent at times), spoiled attitude and her horrible management with money. Among many other things. I also was not perfect. I had my faults as well.

I don’t feel happy about my divorce. I envy guys who married someone they love and can grow with. I just did not have that with my ex wife. Divorce was the most logical option and it was inevitable and should have happened sooner. We should have never married to the point of that, but we had a kid while dating. My gut told me not to marry her, but still chose to as my kid got older. We made it work as long as we could, but things fell apart. Now I’m picking up the pieces. I mourn my prior routine, although I was unhappy. I miss my old house, the neighborhood, seeing my kid every day, having more money in my checking account, logistics of balancing work and personal time, taxes as a joint married couple, holidays with all of our families (I really learned I loved her family and miss them. Yes, I actually liked my in-laws in hindsight). But sadly, I don’t miss my ex wife’s personality. She was not going to change and she was wired differently. I still have love for her, but I’d compare it as non-romantic love. She was more like a sister I couldn’t get along with. She will always be the mother to my child, and I pray she finds peace and a good therapist. Good luck, and I wouldn’t wish divorce on anyone. Always feel free to PM me guys, I’m no expert, not a lawyer, but a guy who made it to the other side like many others.