TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

upvotersfortruth Archive

View 28 posts and 5,223 comments by upvotersfortruth on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
58

upvotersfortruth/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 04:41 AM
26

upvotersfortruth/r/Divorce_Men02/08/23 07:15 AM
19

upvotersfortruth/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 05:11 AM
19

upvotersfortruth/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 03:07 AM
17

upvotersfortruth/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 04:20 AM
16

upvotersfortruth/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 01:18 PM
14

upvotersfortruth/r/Divorce_Men27/10/22 04:27 AM
14

upvotersfortruth/r/Divorce_Men16/01/23 03:05 AM
12

upvotersfortruth/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 02:02 AM
8

upvotersfortruth/r/Divorce_Men04/08/22 04:51 AM
8

upvotersfortruth/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 08:14 AM
7

Community Rulesupvotersfortruth/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 03:07 AM
6

upvotersfortruth/r/Divorce_Men30/10/24 06:09 AM
6

upvotersfortruth/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 04:52 AM
6

Self Help Resourcesupvotersfortruth/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 05:44 AM
5

upvotersfortruth/r/Divorce_Men09/08/22 11:44 AM
5

upvotersfortruth/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 03:51 AM
5

Services & Productsupvotersfortruth/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 12:57 PM
4

upvotersfortruth/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 03:28 AM
3

Announcementupvotersfortruth/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 05:29 AM
3

upvotersfortruth/r/Divorce_Men30/01/23 02:07 AM
3

Rantupvotersfortruth/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 05:26 AM
3

upvotersfortruth/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 05:51 AM
3

upvotersfortruth/r/Divorce_Men21/11/23 11:50 AM
3

AMAupvotersfortruth/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 07:51 PM
1

upvotersfortruth/r/Divorce_Men17/01/23 09:00 AM
1

upvotersfortruth/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 02:40 AM
0

ANNOUNCEMENTupvotersfortruth/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 03:43 AM
Showing the 1,000 most recent of 5,223 comments.
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

This will never get better or be healthy for you. Follow your legal obligations and block them all.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/26 10:52 AM
1

Hope work picks up - added financial pressure never helps.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/26 05:14 AM
4

Don’t marry your rebound.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/26 02:21 AM
6

Find someone to go on a date with you and go bowling or play mini-golf or some activity so you don't end up in a puddle of your own tears complaining about how shit your life is - which should be a huge turnoff to whomever you're with, and if it's not, they're a predator.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/26 01:24 AM
12

My ex wife loves me like a rich uncle
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/26 01:11 AM
2

The separation is her way of “letting you down easy” - ask whatever you want but don’t expect anything except her wanting a divorce. Here’s a question: “how long before the separation did you decide you wanted a divorce?”
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/26 10:26 AM
11

She's not your wife and hasn't been for months or years now. Drop the "husband mindset" before you sleepwalk into your own destruction in this divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/26 05:43 AM
2

I hired an experienced trial attorney in anticipation for the worst - thankfully we avoided trial. This is smart.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 09:58 AM
6

2-6 agree. 1 - agree with respect to people from work, most family members, most friends. The rest care until they get burnt out from our sob stories and repeated weak moments. Therapists care in a professional sense, lawyers will act like they care if they're on hourly. An experienced divorce guy will stand by with advice. A really good friend can serve as an emotional dumping ground - but not for long. Great list!
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 08:44 AM
3

I'll echo the sentiment of expecting jack squat in return, or recognition or anything from anyone. Do it for yourself and focus on yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 04:52 AM
1

The loss of a marriage and a partner is similar to when someone dies, in terms of the need to grieve. Grieving has 5 or 7 steps, typically, and different people take different amounts of time to grieve. Generally speaking, if it's been over a year and you haven't made a lot of progress - that would be time to dig deeper. The seven stages of grief are: Shock: The immediate reaction characterized by emotional numbness and disbelief to protect the brain from overwhelming news. Denial: Refusing to a…
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 03:33 AM
7

they're busy, the onus is on you to reach out to them - if you get a call on your birthday and father's day - consider it a win
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 02:53 AM
1

Yep, know that feeling. The mere presence is enough to drag you down.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 02:31 AM
1

Be the best father and co-parent you can be. Get the help you need and don't give up. Be better for you and for your son. Let her find peace, safety and stability.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 02:28 AM
–

No social media links.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 02:26 AM
5

She probably doesn’t know what she wants and was hoping she’d destroy you and throw you a friendship bone once in a while, and when she didn’t, couldn’t handle it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 02:19 AM
5

Saves you the trouble. I’d just reply back and say, “I understand” then block her also so she can’t just pop up at her whimsy and stir shit.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 02:18 AM
6

Feel nothing, if possible. If nothing doesn't work, feel validation that you're doing well or at least better than she feels she's doing.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 01:15 AM
1

You've got everything, so from her expect nothing and behave accordingly. Seems that some mindset of expectation for her to "do the right thing" or even do anything is taking a toll on you mentally. Take that extra mental energy and focus on the job, as yeah, it's a transformative time and mistakes can be very costly. Also grind out some "me time" even if it's just five minutes of meditation/breathing exercises.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 12:23 AM
7

give her what she wants, don't react at all. Watch her go nuts.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 12:18 AM
5

Date her and let her go, even if she’s “perfect”. Don’t marry your rebound and there’s always at least one rebound.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 12:11 AM
2

You are allowed to set boundaries and allowed to keep them. If this does it for you, then proceed. Grace is for people who want to change and are willing to get serious about it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/26 08:26 AM
6

It’s not over the 900 dollars - that’s just the reason she used to be able to turn this around and make it your fault - bet my bottom dollar this wasn’t the first time she stepped out
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/26 08:11 AM
5

Buy the ticket, take the ride. Unlike a mechanical bull, she will tucker out eventually if she can’t throw you.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/26 06:02 AM
2

Nothing to do with being a psycho - Guys get dinged all the time and sometimes for nothing at all
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/26 07:57 AM
8

You should try your best not to interact with her and certainly don’t confront her or block her from leaving or anything, that’s how you end up in cuffs with allegations of abuse to fight in addition to all the other shit you’re already facing.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/26 02:34 AM
1

I love being alone, I also love my kids and have a great arrangement where I can see them anytime I want - but don’t really miss them unless they’re actually away
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/26 04:23 AM
2

Whatever money you spend on the truck will be repaid by doing what your daughter asked of you, specifically you. To toss it back to the ex and tell your daughter “no” seems really petty
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/26 04:21 AM
7

If it’s cash in the account when the divorce finishes she’ll get half if there’s no offset. I can’t see a judge getting upset about you fixing up the house for sale with it because that will increase the value of the overall estate. Hold your ground. You can also use it to pay your lawyer. Somehow courts never take a second look at money spent on lawyers fees.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/26 12:43 AM
6

and everyone walks away having spent enormous amounts of time and money with nothing meaningfully resolved. That’s describes the vast majority of court stuff - well put
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/26 12:56 PM
10

He’s not choosing your ex over you, he’s choosing his wife’s wishes over you. Peace in his house. This is not a justification, just an explanation. He will live to regret this choice and someday seek your forgiveness. Until then, fuck him.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/26 04:05 AM
2

But the more I better myself it's like the more it irritates her. This is one of the hardest things to undertand and i don't claim to but only have my experience, personal and professional. The upshot of it all is - only improve you for yourself and never for others (except perhaps your children to set an example). Resentment is extremely powerful, especially when unexpresed. And partners are able to swallow things they don't like without expressing them and creating conflict for years (and deca…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/26 01:55 PM
–

tagging this as a military divorce, we have people
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/26 01:28 PM
1

beg, borrow or steal ...
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/26 01:24 PM
1

file in your home jurisdiction as soon as possible and research the UCCJEA (or whatever version was passed in your state). sorry - in short it means that if someone runs away with the children, they can't just benefit form the court of their new state and the state that the children were immediately resident in previously will have jurisdiction
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/26 01:23 PM
1

What it does is allow your wet machine brain to start organizing things and planting signposts, fence posts and other anchors. So while it may help you remember or deal with guilt - and a host of other things - it may not. But it will stop the ruminating without result.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/26 12:58 PM
1

To the contrary, with her he'll never see reality.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/26 12:53 PM
1

Reliant but controlling, one would correctly say manipulative. Time to draw a line between "her problems" and your problems. But you're nuts deep in the shit right now. Muddled reactionary thinking is the norm? You're in the swamp. Both of you need to be in individual therapy but you can only control what you do.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/26 12:52 PM
3

You have come to the right place!
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/26 12:44 PM
3

So you got together when you were 17? You basically grew up together and the level of familarity and knowledge must be wild and a lot of your self-esteem must be tied up with her. But you both probably didn't mature emotionally as much as you would have otherwise. You are all those things you say you aren't, without a doubt. But this stench is in your mind and will manifest itself outwardly only insofar as you let it. Any thoughts of moving to a new place and re-inventing?
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/26 11:27 AM
2

Same boat then, at least? Looks like you’re going into rebuilding mode. Alternatively, you could give it the old college try with her but also working to get yourself into a better position for the, imho, inevitable. Time is not on your side long-term but short term it might be. Starting over careerwise was a big nail in the coffin of my marriage, and like you, I believe I supplied the vast majority of them. 51 now and life is a lot better.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/26 05:56 AM
8

First, nothing is 100% anyone's fault. Second, if you change for her, even if it's exactly what she says she wants - you'll still end up divorced. Save yourself the trouble and get divorced, then change for you. Are you screwed? Well sure, temporarily, but unless there's zero marital property, if you walk away with nothing - you're not being honorable or doing the "right thing" - you're being stupid.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/26 04:38 AM
1

start small and easy: request bank and credit card statements, gather paystubs, download a "family law intake form" if your lawyer hasn't provided you one and just start to fill it out - baby steps
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/26 04:06 AM
2

It’s like a rant, but organized and well-composed. Bravo!
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/26 01:41 AM
1

Any form of writing - but it should be the specific thoughts and feelings, if you’re replaying conversations or events - describe with as much specificity as you can. Handwriting worked best for me but a note on your phone will also work. You should find that once you’ve written a particular thing down, you won’t get caught up on it quite as strongly or as often.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/26 01:35 AM
1

Some order to the chaos! I hope all goes well. Could be stuck in worse places :)
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/26 07:33 AM
3

Our brother is in shock.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/26 02:02 PM
5

Why give her the chance after this betrayal?
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/26 02:01 PM
2

Understood. Did it change things? You want to stay or return? And yeah, it sucks. Sorry.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/26 09:32 AM
3

Keep it about him, not about you or I.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/26 07:29 AM
3

And? They’re enrolled in school already! Better for him to depart asap.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/26 07:10 AM
8

Don't stay or agree to stay, then you won't be able to leave with them once Spain becomes their "habitual residence" - google "Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Parental Abduction" - get out of there as soon as you can.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/26 06:31 AM
3

hard to say, if both parties moved there with the intent for it to be their habitual residence, it can immediately become so. Better to just go back home and let her be the one making legal arguments, imho. But yeah, for sure he needs to do whatever is necessary to prevent/minimize risk of Spain becomming the habitual residence.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/26 06:29 AM
9

no, don't ask to check her phone - don't create conflict. Fly back immediately with the kids, only with the clothes on your back if needed.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/26 06:28 AM
10

great minds think alike ... 100% this
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/26 06:26 AM
11

don't keep the kids in spain - leave with them before she can do something to make them stay
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/26 06:25 AM
24

Take the kids back home, now and file for divorce there. Don't communicate with her or anything just go back home and figure it out later. If you keep the kids there for an appreciable period of time it will become their "habitual residence" and you won't be able to get them out or back. The alternative would be for you to go back yourself and file a Hague Convention petition but that's going to prove to be difficult under these facts.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/26 06:23 AM
1

someone gifted me a subscription to Headspace and it was great, no need to research or know anything just jump in to the beginners guided meditation
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/26 03:43 AM
1

Kid's artwork always reveals something, just what that is - typically difficult to determine if there's abstraction
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/26 03:41 AM
2

If confrontation and conflict is the only way you can get over it because the curiosity and loose end is killing you - i guess you'll need to do it. But don't expect it to feel good and do expect it to be a topic of therapy for another few years. These things don't go well.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/26 10:10 AM
2

You cannot proceed with an uncontested divorce if she does not agree. Anything except a total agreement on every issue, as embodied in a settlement agreement signed by both parties, is contested. As she is not contactable, she cannot agree - thus, contested. You'll probably need to proceed by default judgment if she's totally out of the picture. It might be better to use an attorney as defaulting someone can be a bit complicated legally along with the issues around service of process in such a s…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/26 10:04 AM
4

your pathways are fried, my friend. meditation was just about the only thing that helped be get back to feeling anything
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/26 09:51 AM
2

This is real
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 03:39 PM
15

Let me stop you right from the get go - even if you worked on yourself and achieved perfection, it would probably go unnoticed and most definitely unappreciated. She has a narrative of you and it’s not something that can be changed by anything you could have done. By the time she vocalizes her complaints, her narrative is already set. In fact, your self improvement often sparks additional resentment because you’re essentially forcing her to change her narrative when it’s actually about control. …
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 03:31 PM
2

Total double edged sword … rather than telling her outright, dance around it - it could be a total turn on for her or a turn off … she may be proud to be this one. more than anything, just be happy you have the opportunity. No matter what happens, it’s not the end of the world- it’s the beginning!
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 03:22 PM
1

Watch “Something About Mary” - with her or without - probably without is better.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 03:17 PM
1

Wait we have those? Sign me up!
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 01:04 PM
4

If you agreed on this, you’ll probably agree on final orders under similar terms. You did well.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/26 03:06 PM
3

It’s what you can live with - and if you get that, you’re golden.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/26 03:01 PM
5

I’m six feet from the edge and I'm thinking "Maybe six feet ain't so far down"
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/26 11:32 AM
1

Good insights here on sustainability - i never viewed it in this light
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/26 08:38 AM
2

Yes, we all understand exactly from where you are coming. And your mindset is that of a husband. Do yourself a favor and ask her if she still views you as her husband, with all the vows and commitments and love that you assume she once did. If you're not going to be strategic, read the writing on the wall, or act to preserve yourself - at least be brave.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/26 08:03 AM
10

No, this is not a turnaround. She’s engaging in dissimulation because she’s not ready to pull the trigger yet, not for emotional reasons but for some reason. Make nice, get your ducks in a row, sit her down in a public place, and tell her you’re going to make this easy for her if she makes it easy for you. Have the complaint filed and a settlement agreement there for her to sign or consider. Let her know it’s what you think is fair under the circumstances (IT SHOULD NOT BE FAIR) - hand it all to…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/26 06:23 AM
–

Link approved.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/26 04:25 AM
1

i'd just continue to not reply - if she follows up another few times, revisit your approach (or non-approach)
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/26 04:24 AM
12

You're a dad and a standup guy. That's my take.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/26 04:12 AM
1

Who you callin' a fruit, fruit?
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/26 04:11 AM
2

The first thing to realize about pets is that from purely the legal perspective, they're property. Nowadays, courts are sometimes "forced" to treat them like kids with visitation schedules and whatnot but if the parties disagree in any way - nope, court's not having it. So if this were a kid, I'd think she was angling for more parenting time or some custody ruling, etc. (i.e. her motives would have to be analyzed in a direct legal framework). But it's not, so that makes it a bit simpler. The que…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/26 04:10 AM
3

Similarly, you'll wish someone else's problem was your biggest problem. Divorce sucks for everyone and the size and nature of the problems are largely irrelevant because the feelings, emotions, frustrations, complexities and basically everything else at the personal level are very very similar because they're subjective. It's not a competition! So I'd take /u/WhydIjoinRedditAgain 's comment in the sense that he's lamenting his situation, not in any sort of comparative way. If it is in the compar…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/26 03:50 AM
14

It gets easier after the first thousand “nos”
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/26 03:29 AM
3

The final straw happened months or years before you separated, unspoken by her and unnoticed by you. Keep the kittens.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/26 12:13 AM
1

I don’t know the answer but I’m sure this is very common. My first guess would be that he’s primarily trying to secure her status as a creditor and her claims. What did AI tell you? This seems like it might be a well settled area where you can get some decent value information from one of the models. Is this any help: https://www.hoyes.com/blog/should-you-file-bankruptcy-before-or-after-divorce/
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/26 02:28 PM
1

That sucks. You’ve got a lot going on and the financial pressure just amplifies all the bad. Can you find better opportunities in other European countries? Not ideal to be somewhere else but it’s not that hard to get around. Any thoughts of moving back stateside?
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/26 02:19 PM
1

How’s your job going? What are you thinking long term?
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/26 02:40 AM
2

They’re going to come at you with some offer that appears nice. These rarely go to full hearing. Regardless of what pressure is put upon you by the other side, the judge and even your own lawyer - take time to carefully consider and review it. Force your lawyer to earn his or her keep on this one, it is crucial and critical. Far from being “just a temporary hearing” what you get and give here will either compel her to prolong the case or compel her to settle. What’s temporary in terms that of cu…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 01:35 PM
2

I’ve had a few friends do this here in Thailand for a variety of reasons and all of them have come out better for it, in some pretty decent ways.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 01:00 PM
1

This is preventing healing and throwing your mind and body into a tailspin. Nothing healthy about this. We all crave the comfort and familiarity of the rosy recollection of what once was. It's a coping mechanism, and a natural one. But you're basically being Dom Cobb from Inception. Nothing you find down there is real and every moment there is a moment you're losing out on your real future up here.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 07:36 AM
3

I hear you. My half-sister ended up not matching me for DNA and it was pretty devastating.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 06:20 AM
2

Definitely suspicious behavior and an odd reaction, if there’s nothing there. Can you handle not definitively knowing?
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 05:43 AM
4

Of two minds about this - but that curiosity is all but impossible to kill once you start putting pieces together. If the divorce is done, perhaps no leverage there but not sure why you’re still communicating with her about anything of substance besides the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 05:26 AM
5

Nothing more humiliating than realizing you got dragged into yet another stupid text battle
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 05:01 AM
3

Nothing is more important to her than controlling the narrative. Not you, not your kids, not anything. And most certainly not the truth.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 04:57 AM
1

You've set the tone early on and throughout the relationship, so now you will reap what you've sewn. You can't really expect her to change in a way that makes her life "worse". If she doesn't see it and want to change to deliver more to your relationship - it simply won't happen.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 04:53 AM
1

You talk like she’s still your wife. Get her out as fast and far away as you can and pick up the pieces with the kids. Expect nothing, ask nothing. Facilitate her departure - who gives a shit if you’re enabling her? That’s a her problem.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/26 02:27 PM
1

No fault is the norm, not that weird. And those are the rules you unwittingly chose to play by, so just deal with what is and not what should be. Ideally, you’d hire a lawyer for the limited purpose of reviewing your case to advise you of potential outcomes (I.e. WWJD - what would a judge do) so you can go in with informed settlement positions and not get pushed around by a mediator who has no interest other than getting you out of their sight. But seeing as neither of you have lawyers, the case…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/26 02:19 PM
1

Good luck and godspeed
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/26 12:18 PM
6

You're reaching decent conclusions, but try to deal with the anger - it will age you faster and follow you everywhere you try to go.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/26 12:02 PM
15

next will come the abuse allegations - beware - make nice and pretend you're going to comply - buy yourself some time to get prepared
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/26 11:36 AM
1

It happens to lawyers all the time but rarely to clients. It should not be a huge deal but will probably take the new judge some time to catch up and there may be another hearing or briefing round ordered by the court depending on how the old judge left the state of your case file.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/26 07:27 AM
2

dont let these bastards kill all your fun
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 12:25 PM
9

Always choose the bros first.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 12:24 PM
6

What is your purpose in this community?
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 12:21 PM
-1

Shoplifting the poonani ... dumbass
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 12:20 PM
13

She then said "What? Our divorce is finalized, it's the best day of my life!" I replied "I know the judge signed but I sure as hell don't want to celebrate with you" To have that presence of mind means you have gone through a lot.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 09:52 AM
1

The obstacle is the path.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 05:37 PM
3

The thing about petty people is that you can be petty if you want to but they can't not be petty. But although this is petty behavior, I don't think pettiness is the point. She's trying to get a reaction from you and perhaps hoping you fall and break your neck. Be careful and cautious but never let her know it bothers you. Don't complain, don't give her the side eye, don't let her overhear you complaining to others, don't be passive-aggressive or retaliatory. Just move on as though nothing happe…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 08:33 AM
1

I've re-stickied this in order to get you some views.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 08:24 AM
3

Need some new life skills, my friend. When it comes to those young men, you need to be doing the reaching.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 06:19 AM
4

Much ado about nothing. Do your business and mind your business. 10 years is ancient history.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 02:44 AM
2

Whatever you do, make sure you block her on all channels for at least that day.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/26 05:31 AM
12

I ran over my dog accidentally when I was 19. It still hurts and I physically cringe when I remember it - 30 years later. The only difference is that the dog was loyal.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 04:04 AM
1

Honestly couldn’t care less about yet another one sided narrative - maybe he can go back and get some of the profits?
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 04:00 AM
7

She had made up her mind months before she asked for the separation.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/26 11:01 AM
1

It happens, don’t kick yourself too hard. Just go back to no contact.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 03:31 PM
1

In many US jurisdictions the filing lawyer has to represent they are not aware of any pending proceedings in other jurisdictions. So maybe get some legal advice
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 03:29 PM
3

Love it when my clients try to force me to argue a nonexistent case so I can get my license suspended.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 05:24 AM
2

Stop or spend. But stopping probably won’t work.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 05:22 AM
9

This is incorrect. The lawyer is looking to cover his ass AND get some more billables.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 01:47 AM
4

Aren't you both required to file financial statements with the court that include some supporting documents?
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 01:46 AM
3

Advice: Let the man handle his divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 01:45 AM
3

Call the cops before she does.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 01:43 AM
1

you're swimming with an anchor my friend
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/26 09:07 AM
2

Improve your situation so you can improve your kid's situation.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/26 07:06 AM
1

She has said multiple times over the years that we would already be divorced if we didn't have a kid. an extremely common sentiment of both husbands and wives
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/26 04:28 AM
1

Yeah, kind of gets in the grey zone of the amount of damage done to the kid - even in the most amicable of circumstances - how much open hostility does he witness?
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/26 03:12 AM
1

missed that - if the kid is over 5 or so, i'd lean heavily towards working it out - if the kid is very young, then better to split sooner rather than later, though.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/26 03:04 AM
4

Marital property is split by agreement, sold and the proceeds split or somehow valued and half of that value is apportioned to the parties. In this case, I would suspect you would try to agree on the value of the property and then see what half of that is and figure out how she can make up for it. At the mediation stage, if the other side is acting in bad faith, there's really nothing the mediator can do except some finger wagging and her lawyer knows that so if you want to resolve it at mediati…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/26 02:59 AM
2

With no kids and both working, seems like a relatively simple split if you really think that's the way it should go. I really have been wanting someone who can have set hours and leave their job at work instead of constantly answering emails and making phone calls and scheduling hours. I want someone who is willing to help out more with the chores instead of get upset when the house isn't clean at 10pm but I've been on my feet with work and house stuff since 6am. And this ... well, sounds like w…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/26 02:47 AM
11

They also said my wife has left them alone with him, and she confirmed this over text. Isn't this a violation of his conditions of release/probation/whatever?
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/26 09:01 AM
–

there have been about a million father's day threads in this sub this year, so don't be put off if this doesn't get the attention it deserves.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/26 08:58 AM
1

however you communicate with them, make sure it's bundled with a pretty bow on top - if they specifically request you drip them things as they happen or periodically, fine but never seen that. as always, even if you're both ordered to pay best that the check is written by you - it doesn't matter but it does. Consult your lawyer is the best advice.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/26 08:56 AM
2

Also learned the hard way, my friend.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/26 03:57 AM
4

Any advice? She’s been really reasonable, but I’m starting to wonder if she was cheating because of how she’s acting so guilty. She’s on the same phone provider as me and I think she’s smart enough not to use her text or calls for cheating. But she easily could use a separate app for communication or do most of the cheating at work. Probably yes and it’s better if she is and feels guilty about it. I mean not emotionally or whatever, but if you can use the guilt to get out with a good financial d…
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 10:35 AM
1

If you believe in the 5 stages of grief, I’m firmly in the depression stage. I don’t really cry anymore. I’m just tired. I still think about it a lot but it’s in a different, more blunted way. I'm a believer (more in the seven stages than the five) and yep, that sounds like you've nailed it - depression stage. Self-awareness is what brings you through. You know what they say about divorces: one is a tragedy, two is bad luck - three or more: it's a hobby (not advising you to get married again)
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 09:24 AM
1

stereotypes gonna stereo
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 09:21 AM
1

Bangkok Business Challenge?
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 09:20 AM
–

Please all make sure you are supporting from what is best for OP and his child, not out of your own sense of wanting revenge.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 06:58 AM
2

You'll find that talking to people about your divorce is a great way to create distance. People offer platitudes because they don't want to engage on a deeper level with you about your shit, which is fine. What are you expecting from them?
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 06:19 AM
11

Seems she plans to stay in the room, ignore me, and leave the kids to me until she feels like it. This is seriously great for you. Let her. Just prepare for her to backtrack on everything agreed in that handshake. Move things along as swiftly as possible from the legal side before the fire lit under you both for the divorce at this moment dwindles.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 03:20 AM
0

I can get onboard with this approach, if any.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 02:45 AM
-4

From her husband, not from OP.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 06:15 PM
2

He has no obligation to her whatsoever.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 06:14 PM
1

First, I’d 100% confirm that zero child support is legal. Often times it isn’t. Second, get it all done, dusted and finalized (about 30 days after judgment usually). Third, draft emails to everyone you want to inform. Fourth, promptly delete them.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 06:12 PM
1

how old is the half sister?
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 07:50 AM
8

fortunately, my ex prepped me for nothing on father's day throughout the marriage :D
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 07:47 AM
2

Not sure why you're pinning it all on your daughter. She must feel or believe something that makes her act this way - unless you really think you raised a shitty person.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 05:55 AM
1

These days, the main reason to file quickly and file first is to defend against allegations of "abuse", restraining order, etc. that magically appear once she wants a divorce. If the case is already on file by you, then it looks like a tactic from her if she tries any of this shit. So the immediate effect is deterrence. If there's no case on file by you, then she's a lot more likely to get the restraining order or have the police intervene. Hello 9-1-1 my husband is abusing me. Police arrive - "…
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 05:43 AM
1

File first.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 05:40 AM
1

This user is gone, we don't need trolls.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 05:39 AM
25

These silent expectations, hopes and fantasies mean you haven’t fully grieved the loss of your marriage and partner. Focus on completing that process, for yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 02:08 AM
20

Always be the first to call the police
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 05:39 AM
7

I was always taught to support people at their lowest, my ex and yours went to a different school. It’s not it a reflection of you, everyone has highs and lows, it’s a reflection of her weakness, lack of commitment, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 05:35 AM
3

in the meantime STBX
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 03:59 AM
3

you can file for an extension for time to respond
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 09:20 AM
6

Dog is property under the law. Don't use it to vent your anger. Don't fight over it. If that's all she wants from 10 years, take it and run.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 09:12 AM
3

Worth the short term pain to eliminate the constant triggers
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 09:10 AM
2

The french word "Ressentiment" is so different from "resentment" but fits divorce cases so well.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 06:20 AM
9

She's ADHD, pretty obviously, either you chill and come along for the ride or you set her free - i'd imagine you'd take the kids Source: My ADHD broke my ex-wife, too - and i regret it everyday - not that she didn't have her own contributions to the demise of our marriage i would say "emotional" makes it sound like a gender thing whereas "lack of impulse control" or "impulsiveness" play a bit better EDIT: and NO, absolutely you are not being unfair, not in the slightest - dopamine is a helluva d…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 06:10 AM
9

Blaming isn’t the real problem. Blame doesn’t matter in any real sense if the divorce proceeds. It’s the blindsiding that ends up causing real damage.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 08:19 AM
1

4 days hours
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 09:19 AM
4

Hello from Bangkok - good thing we are close enough in time zone as most of our community members are in the U.S. and you might not get more responses for a while. Time and work are the only tried and true methods to unfuck your life. Much easier said than done when you've been ambushed, which will keep your cortisol high and always at the brink of some fight or flight response. It's hard enough to juggle all these life things when we are emotionally stable and in a good place with a good partne…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 07:50 AM
14

Make sure you have a counter petition on file before she dismisses her claim, and she’ll either go scorched earth or totally lay down - hopefully the latter but rarely an in between in these scenarios
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 06:19 AM
6

I won't argue with that :D
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 02:40 AM
13

sunk cost fallacy
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 02:40 AM
2

tis a good reminder
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 02:40 AM
2

Jesus, what a mindfuck.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 10:56 AM
9

yeah, her way of doing things leaves a lot to be desired - kids must be confused
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 03:19 AM
2

new life skills incoming - I have really grown to love cooking
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 02:39 AM
16

First, she knew she was going to divorce you probably at least 6 months before she told you, so none of this is new to her - it's only new to you. So if you view things from her trajectory - 8 months after she decided it was over she's seeing someone else. Doesn't make it right and i'm not defending her - just highlighting the psychological differences. For you, 2 months from the bomb being dropped on your life - you can easily still be in shock, denial, anger stages of grief. The bottom line is…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 02:37 AM
2

We celebrate our community members' wins! This isn't /r/divorce Congrats on a very good outcome!
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 02:22 AM
7

Such a regular pattern, doesn't seem like dating unless she's got you on a strict schedule, too. Something's up - does she just need her own time and space? Who knows. If you don't like it and can't handle it, only one choice to make.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 02:20 AM
2

If your lawyer responds by making you put in writing that you are not following their advice but are still instructing them to accept the proposal ... think twice. But the only real financial question is, "How far off from what you would have to pay over the years in alimony (adjusted for the time value of money) is 61k dollars, and can you accept that difference in order to end the case?"
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 02:05 AM
5

Seems like your lawyer should know exactly how to handle this, then.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 02:01 AM
3

Rant. Grieve. Repeat.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 01:38 AM
2

And then she files for the restraining order and claims economic abuse
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 10:40 AM
3

Name another human endeavor where the goal is to die before the other person so you don’t have to do the cleanup?
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 05:16 AM
3

the definition of "seeing red" and "blinded by rage" - "hold me back, bro" baiting
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 03:41 AM
3

Peace is the quiet upside.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 01:45 AM
17

Ha, love this one the most. It is so bizarrely twisted. "You know all those nice things you did for me without me asking because I told you that if I had to ask you to do them it would show you didn't actually care about me but were only doing them because I asked? Well, they don't count because I didn't ask."
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 01:44 AM
7

He’s weak and insecure … and your ex must take great joy knowing he’s always under your skin. Deck him and she’ll really know how much you still love her.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 12:33 AM
2

Tbf, it’s also what the bf did
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 12:31 AM
7

Welcome fellow 51 year old - life is good this side of things! Let me know if you make it here to Bangkok!
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 12:29 AM
2

What I’ve found to be true over the years is that these people couldn’t care less about how things shake out in the end, they just want to get the litigants out of their sight.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 07:41 AM
3

Settlement cannot be imposed, only agreed.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 04:12 AM
8

Almost everywhere there’s a legal presumption it’s yours. How to overcome that presumption will either require her affirmatively stating it’s not yours in some legally binding way or you denying paternity and then proving it, usually through a DNA test ordered by the court. There are now DNA tests that they can do by only getting a sample from you and her blood sample while she’s carrying. If you’re in the midst of a legal separation - maybe you can ask the court now. No one here will give you a…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 04:09 PM
3

A pretty important question
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 04:03 PM
1

Get ready for the restraining order unless you filed something already ... but maybe even then magically you'll go from needy to abusive ....
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 05:35 AM
3

Principles aren't cheap. But good for you for standing up.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 05:34 AM
3

This sub is not anti-marriage ... anti-second-marriage - another question entirely ...
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 05:17 AM
1

Amen!
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 04:43 AM
1

Don't make a federal case out of it - continue following up and seeking how you might be able to support the process. Cross border stuff can get complicated. I'm not defending the employee, just wanting you to get paid.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 04:42 AM
1

They voted with their little tootsies.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 04:36 AM
7

The image in the head thing will fade over time but the attraction may not. Just how we are wired. maybe use AI to age her and put on 80 pounds ...
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 04:34 AM
3

Any kids?
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 04:28 AM
3

Sending a message to a woman who never responded is not cheating. It's wrong and could have really led down that path but what it does show is that you were looking, you had an intention to step out of your marriage and, i'm guessing, probably would have if she had responded. So basically, your wife didnt' stop you and you didn't stop - this third person stopped it by not responding. Attempted cheating doesn't justify her emotional affair or whatever it is she's doing, though. You need to ask yo…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 11:14 AM
2

Betrayal cuts deep and leaves a lot of scars. Hope you don’t continue to let it consume too much of you.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 04:50 AM
6

Get some help, please. This is not healthy.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 01:11 AM
10

Forgiving doesn't mean taking her back. Forgiving isn’t even for her, it’s so you can someday stop spitting venom and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 01:09 AM
1

I got roped into it because the first firm that hired me unexpectedly folded, i had just signed a mortgage and my daughter was born 2 months premature in NICU. This was 2008 - jobs weren't abundant, if you recall. And I was a B student, damnit! :D
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 02:35 AM
3

Two good attorneys will get a divorce done in a couple months. One bad attorney turns that into a couple years.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 01:31 AM
2

Marriages where the woman is substantially older than the man have a different dynamic. Also menopause.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 11:43 AM
1

if you decide to do gofundme or any other fundrasing - do not post about it in this subreddit.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 08:45 AM
5

Alimony is either temporary or permanent, modifiable or non-modifiable. That’s the starting point for the analysis. “Egregious” and “can’t believe the court signed of” aren’t legal terms - I hope the lawyer can articulate the legal basis and likelihood of success of the current action.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 06:36 AM
1

Need to separate the issues. Court is court, kid is kid, and money is money. One exception being - this man around your kid may not be good for her and that can affect custody and visitation. Did you do a background check on this guy?
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 06:27 AM
1

Financials statements aren't the only form of discovery available to you. You can also issue interrogatories and requests for document production. Additionally, you can subpoena (For documents) banks, her customers, and other stuff. Not sure why you're planning to go to trial but generally a very bad idea to try to ambush her as you should settle the case.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 03:35 AM
1

Can’t blame your date, that’s for sure. But don’t think your ex necessarily still loves you but maybe she can’t find anyone else - and these behaviors don’t help that problem. I guess a civil restraining order seems to be the only remaining option. Which sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 02:12 AM
0

Any insight into the “why” of it?
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 03:48 PM
0

No intention to throw jabs, ever. Drama is what I got from your post. I recommend you focus on him, what he’s feeling as a 16 year old who loves you but is searching for the easy freedom his mother offers. It’s not complicated, at all. And, sorry if this is rude, but it doesn’t matter how you feel or how he makes you feel. I guess it matters but it’s secondary to your goal. Does he love and have a sense of responsibility for his sister?
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 03:18 PM
3

I could tell immediately from your post that this was a considered decision. You answer to no one but yourself and I get it. Support from me.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 11:45 AM
2

in the bed we once called ours (that will be mine once she leaves.) but I feel slightly uncomfortable with the idea of my ex’s technically affair partner sleeping in our bed. While I’m in the very next room. Invite people over for a BBQ, let them explain
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 11:42 AM
2

File first.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 07:52 AM
1

I'd verbally renew your request at the beginning of the session but not make a big deal about it. I mean in most cases mediation is a "tick the box" thing before the case moves on. If you and the mediator have no real hope it will result in the case settling, just tick the box and let the mediator see your stbx for who she is, then move on with the process.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 05:43 AM
2

How do you react to her during these times? Can't you have the organizer/venue security remove her? How big/small are the events? Hire some off duty cops to stand at the door - she'll probably think twice. Does she get drunk at the event or does she show up drunk? So many questions ... must be annoying and sad to see her make a fool of herself. Certainly reflects worse on her than you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 05:39 AM
1

Depends a lot on the kind of visa
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 05:31 AM
-4

Good luck with that attitude.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 03:46 AM
5

His mother has always given him whatever he wants and allowed him to be very lazy around the house. Gaming computer at will, iPhone in his room, social media, refusing to do school work he doesn’t want to, etc. Isn't this exactly what you would have wanted when you were 16? She's the permissive one so he gravitates to the freedom. Don't be devastated or dramatic, be logical and solve the problem.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 12:40 AM
4

Look, this is a tough age already so the key is to understand that your relationship wouldn't likely be super awesome under the best of circumstances. Second, keep texting and parenting from a distance as best you can - of course you'll get piss and vinegar back from her but a few years down the road, she'll look back and understand that you were always there, even when she was being hellspawn. Do whatever you can, endure whatever you must to stay in her life. Unless what she's saying has a basi…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 12:36 AM
2

Any promise of no child support must be vetted by a lawyer
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/26 11:45 AM
5

This is the way the world ends This is the way the world ends This is the way the world ends Not with a bang but a whimper.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 01:31 AM
5

They have style and persona that your STBX will fear or respect. Some women will respect an older male lawyer, others will be intimidated by an aggressive female lawyer. This will set the dynamic for whole case. They should have strong trial experience and a good track record, while simultaneously searching for opportunities to settle. Ideally, they will have related criminal experience or have a lawyer in their firm or that they work with who does criminal work. 90% your STBX is going to make t…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 01:20 AM
6

You are in prime territory to get arrested and have a restraining order put on you. Removed from your house, at least temporarily. She's cornered and you're angry - all it takes is one phone call. Get your own separate space in the house and keep it under lock and key. Gather all important documents, take at least half of any joint bank accounts. You're in for a fight, unless you can shame her into going quietly out of guilt. But don't bet on that because in her narrative - it's your fault. All …
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 01:11 AM
1

It may or may not be a big deal to reschedule, depending on the case history. But if you have offered a date and then you later say you can't do it, that's not a good look. Similarly, the mediation could go until the late afternoon. If you're intent on attending the class and 1300 is a hard stop for you, then I'd mention it - again, not a good look. Failure to prioritize the mediation can easily be conflated into failing to prioritize your kids and will likely be characterized that way by your S…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 01:04 AM
1

I don't know. Was a SAHD for a couple years and would give anything to have that back. Jeopardizing her career would be an ultimately stupid move, as you literally said one sentence before you couldn't finally survive without alimony and child support. This feels a lot like a vent from frustration. Can't you just emotionally separate from her, raise your kids on the farm and then dip out once they're old enough? Couldn't she force the sale of the farm if you divorced her? This sounds just like a…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 02:01 AM
1

Do you like her or what she represents in terms of comfort, socializing, etc. Are you still attracted to her? Is there a financial aspect beyond what you're obligated to pay in writing? Why does she spend time with you? Important to clarify these things in your mind and do what is healthy for you - which, as you know, will likely involve work, discomfort, a period of loneliness and pain. There's nothing wrong with having a good relationship with your ex, but in circumstances of such deep betraya…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 12:57 AM
4

Stop fucking around and set it on the trial calendar. Get temporary orders in place and get as much visitation as you can. Directly let her and her lawyers know the first offer was the “amicable” offer and it only goes down from there. You’ll waste more money chasing settlement than you’ll spend at trial - and by the way, it won’t go to trial. But it will drag on so long as you exhibit weakness and beg for settlement. You may even need to change lawyers to a litigation specialist to really set t…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 04:23 AM
3

Yeah, my advice is to stop bringing this on yourself and set some fucking boundaries.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 03:24 AM
4

You’re a catch on paper but no result? Then it’s all in your head.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 02:42 AM
3

Buy him a killer ride in exchange for him emancipating
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 02:12 PM
3

Freeing yourself from the “husband” identity may be the most painful and difficult part of it all … but once you’re free … wow
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 01:34 PM
3

The seven stages of grief are not linear, nor does believing you’ve passed one stage, wall it off and ensure you can never revisit it. But it’s all progress, whether or not it feels like going backwards. Another perspective: imagine if this hit you five years from now, rather than now. Equally as saddening, maddening, and potentially debilitating. Progress doesn’t always feel like progress - but it is.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 01:32 PM
1

just say "no" and if she's not comfortable communicating with you like a human being, have her put it all in writing. But I've very rarely come across this in 20 odd years - has she said why or is there something from the past that would make her think this is necessary?
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 06:48 AM
2

I really need mental help with this... I think you speak for 80% of us here - glad you’re sticking with it for your kid
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 05:42 AM
2

Since you already don’t trust your lawyer, then I’d think verifying the what you’ve been told from the actual source would be a better option - and no matter who or how much you pay, you have ultimate responsibility for your case
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 12:52 AM
2

Have you checked the status of your case directly with the court?
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 12:28 AM
2

Love getting narcissists on the stand, especially the “smartest one in the room” types.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 02:45 PM
2

Thanks for messaging us in advance, Patrick.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 09:56 AM
14

She needs the narrative to justify her actions - in a case like this, I bet it has something to do with her “knowing right away you were “bad”” or “things were never good and I was a victim for sooooo long” stuff like that - the truth has no place anymore
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 09:18 AM
1

Stop by and say hi in Bangkok first
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 08:59 AM
3

I’d tell you not to overthink it but … too late
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 05:30 PM
1

“Living well is the best revenge” is a pretty well known quote I was referencing. I think it captures the essence of indifference in that all OP needs to do is keep living well and let his ex make herself suffer by seeing that he’s doing great.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 10:02 AM
5

To the tune of "Teenage Dirtbag"
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 09:12 AM
1

Very few easy divorces - and they feel basically the same to everyone going through it, just with varying amounts of shit. The underlying grief and pain don’t depend on how easy the divorce is.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 03:10 AM
2

She doesn’t get to tell you anything anymore
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 03:08 AM
2

It’s amazing what comes out …
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 03:05 AM
3

Living good is the best revenge - but you’re living great!
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 11:08 AM
1

Is there active conflict between you and her or is it more just cold? If the former, you may need to find some place where you can have peace. If the latter or something low conflict, probably better to gut it out. Do you have access to counseling/individual therapy? Losing your job now would be a problem in so many ways. A lot of us buried ourselves in the job and it became a respite and way to escape the divorce - could that work for you?
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 12:06 PM
7

It’s only sudden for you my bro, she’s already totally out of it and has been for months if not longer. So don’t go looking for any sort of emotional support or closure from her, you won’t get it. Focus on the business of the divorce as best you can. She knows you’re reeling, hurting, weak and wounded so she’ll probably try to cram some unfair financial deal down your throat. Don’t fall for it. To make things worse, if you stand up for yourself to get a fair deal, allegations of abuse will magic…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 06:08 AM
4

Came here to post this 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 06:00 AM
6

My cash flow improved, for sure. The support numbers seem a lot worse than they actually are in many cases, as the leakage (and unagreed spending!) can be easy to misunderestimate. Getting total control of your own finances is a plus.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 05:59 AM
1

You haven’t lost yourself, you’re in a relentless, involuntary and painful process to rediscover him and liberate him from the moniker of husband and all the baggage that carries. You will also get to be the father you want to be on your time, and if you’re like me - it will be divine experience. Not easy by any means - but awesome.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 09:42 AM
2

I call it factsmithing - twisting and hammering on the facts until they fit the narrative.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 09:24 AM
1

Good good 👍
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 02:26 AM
2

File before you’re served, don’t mention the other case to anyone or acknowledge it in any way.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 06:06 PM
8

Getting swatted by STBXMIL - this is what the world has come to
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 04:07 AM
–

"Should I get married" posts are explicitly against the rules.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/26 11:17 AM
1

Nothing you’ve said paints her as an unfit parent, plus she’s been exercising majority custody for a while. It’s ok to express genuine concerns about your daughter’s well being around adult men you don’t know or trust but letting your ex know you’re annoyed was a huge misstep. She probably hasn’t stopped smiling since you told her that. On the bright side, shes opened the door for more parenting time for you - so why not make it official?
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/26 09:11 AM
2

If you can file anything for contempt, start there and then mediate. If that approach is not available, start with the blocking for the funeral - it’s shameful and will immediately get the mediator on your side and her on the defensive. Don’t know what ROFR means
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 01:45 PM
1

Yeah, worth checking if she’s ok to just get it over with. If not, you can try to default her but better if she plays along.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 01:32 PM
1

Most want to know if contested or not. I can't predict the future. Then it’s contested. If you were to copy her on the email and include an outline of what you had agreed, asking the lawyer to write it up and file - that would be uncontested.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 01:00 PM
1

Your mom sounds like a very smart and good person! 😅😇😂
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 12:48 PM
1

did she mean what she said or was it the stress?
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 03:35 AM
1

You should be able to resubmit and amend without paying again - doesn't your court have people there to help you file? Not the clerks but non-lawyer legal assistants - they can't provide advice, just help you with documents.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 01:39 AM
7

Hey bro, first - welcome. And yes, it's debilitating to have this rug ripped out from under you and be treated like you're shit - or worse - nothing. All you can do is compartmentalize the best you can, reach out for help (we're a good starting point), and slowly begin to realize that what you're going through is manageable and temporary. As for immediate next steps: you can probably get an extension for the disclosures, not sure how to do it in your jurisdiction but it shouldn't be too hard and…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 01:31 AM
8

Repeated kicks to the nuts is par for the course for a while, until it's not. Just gotta weather the storm - but it will end, it does for everyone.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 01:20 AM
3

absolutely - this is alienation and there's a big fire making this kind of smoke
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 03:04 AM
5

An expensive good lawyer is less costly than a bad cheap one.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 06:16 AM
1

escaping is definitely the correct word
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 06:14 AM
1

I'd ask her what she resents most about you, your relationship and her current life. Resentment is the killer - once you figure that out, then you can see if it can be fixed. Very difficult. Same goes for you. But from what you've written it just "isn't good" and you've just gone through something traumatic - so it's normal an natural for you to have these considerations. Just don't throw it all away for nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 05:40 AM
–

The official policy position of this subreddit on /r/divorce is: fuck that place
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 05:20 AM
17

Welcome, officially!
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 01:22 AM
1

Ah, got it. My bad. Everyone should fight for a fair financial deal, regardless of what was done.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 04:17 AM
1

So he should give her everything and ruin his financial life forever?
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 01:51 AM
5

Are you going to fight?
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 02:08 AM
4

Don’t expect anything from her except hardship and pain. Closure is on you now. Recover from the tailspin she put you in and get on with the business of the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 08:47 AM
5

Depression, grief, lack of a support network. It’s overwhelming and your emotional bank account is overdrawn. But I imagine just writing this all down has provided some relief. Continue that, especially with specific thoughts that keep recurring, things you want to say to her, as well as daily struggles and successes. Keep up the health and diet, can you find a therapist - at least online? Minimize your interactions with her as she is only in it for herself and will only harm you, not help you.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 04:46 PM
4

Most of us defined ourselves by the role of husband and provider. When that rug is pulled out from under us, it’s tough to get traction. Especially if you married young or have been married a long time. The roles don’t define you. Double down on the fathering and recapture your interests, hobbies and things you did before you were married - as a starting point. Your identity remains, you just need to find it again.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 09:07 PM
2

Preferred approach when possible! But not everybody has that kind of cash lying around …
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 05:59 PM
3

Boooooyah!
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 05:54 PM
9

Community property - you can only get one back
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 04:06 PM
16

Wank of despair
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 02:29 AM
3

Hiding phone? Gambling, cheating, hiding money or debt. 85% it’s cheating.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 02:15 PM
3

I never stopped, just developed boundaries that made the marriage totally unworkable. Codependency is a bitch.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 01:58 PM
3

We have been married for 12 years, had a few bumps in the road, but nothing so drastic ( from my perspective) that would warrant this. She's been considering this and working herself up to telling you for at least a year, I'd say. You can ask her. She's done, over you, over the marriage, grieved in her own way. This is not a shock to her, only to you. So you should not try to get any consolation or emotional support from her - you need to find that on your own, preferably with a therapist. You b…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 12:26 PM
4

Amen, gotta grieve. It’s work. It’s painful. But it helps.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 05:24 PM
1

I’ve put in a lot of work with our daughter about how she should not accept a relationship like her and my ex. And not sure if she internalized it. Really not easy to navigate. There is an aspect of working through problems and conflict - but I don’t know. It’s a really hard call.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 04:48 PM
3

with 2 kids, it mostly revolves around them and maximizing their adaptation to the new normal while minimizing the damage. If they're under 5 - no brainer, go for it, under 7 or 8, going for it probably still the answer depending on them. Teens is super rough and pretty unfair to them, imho, absent serious abuse, alcoholism, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 01:44 PM
5

You want to marry her again? If not, don’t screw up your post divorce relationship with emotional shit.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 03:44 AM
21

She didn’t move on fast, she moved on a long time ago and just decided to let you know recently.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/26 02:06 PM
2

20k either way is good, maybe up to 50k
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 05:04 PM
1

Cancel this meet. Wait a few months, then just intro them. Easier to ask forgiveness than permission. Make nice and wait. Four months isn’t that long anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 12:35 AM
1

If OP has the balls to push back for something fair, he’ll see a new side of her for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 01:09 PM
6

You need to get your head on straight. She’s not your wife, you’re not her husband anymore. Your emotions are separate from the business of the divorce. The sooner you’re able to compartmentalize the better. You should insist on a completely fair and legally correct outcome, which you are not. And so now the money and financial settlement you’re entitled to which you will use for the betterment of your kids - will go to her! Don’t wither, fall on your sword, and be a martyr for your marriage by …
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 01:07 PM
1

If you think the court will order you to support her in some way, figure out how much that will be (guesstimate), and then pay her something like that during the pending divorce/separation. If you leave her totally high and dry, the court may hammer you. But if you're paying her health insurance, that goes a long way towards any total support obligation.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 02:55 AM
2

This place is special, when the founder handed me the reins - I knew I was just a custodian for the next guy.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 02:47 AM
3

Nah, every counselor we ever tried was biased against her. Distilled to it's essence, they said one positive thing about me therefore - biased as it didn't fit her narrative.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 02:43 AM
1

Yes, all the time. But I wouldn't assume she's going to get full custody and very limited time for you, depending on your jurisdiction and what level you function at, whether there's evidence that you have put the kids at risk, etc. Alcoholism is different for everyone, so its a fact-based analysis. But no matter what, if you get sober, go to AA, and keep it up for a sustained period (one day at a time), you will be able to seek a modification of your custody/co-parenting time. But fight for as …
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 02:15 AM
2

Good to hear - from the personal and practical, a lot of the advice here is pretty universal - from the legal/court experience, not so much.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 05:29 PM
2

Good man
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 05:28 PM
1

It won’t change forever. It sounds like you have everything in place to get through this. The moment she finds another target, she’ll forget you. Needless to say, you should block her on all channels and have zero contact with her and her family. There is absolutely no reason to have any communications with any of them. Make sure you change all your passwords, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 01:44 PM
4

This place is very yank-centric Correct, I wish we had more members from non-US places.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 01:41 PM
2

Just use the process to progress things. Her claims that contact with you stress her out are the first red flags of emotional abuse, financial abuse or even worse claims so start building your defense against that. She’s clearly alienating your child from you so you will need to find a way to get access - keep a record of all your attempts and actual contact/time with your child - if she completely blocks access, then you may need to send a social worker for a wellness check on the child, or wha…
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 01:39 PM
7

The main benefit: No child support
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 06:09 PM
1

my wife is now giving me the green light to proceed to divorce. Precisely, what does that mean? What did she say? She may be testing you if you've threatened divorce before. If she truly does not agree to the divorce inside, and she's a high-conflict person, adjust your expectations as to how amicable it will be. As for you, you've been building resentment for the past three years. And it will continue to build as the years go by unless you can let it go and accept her for who she is and how thi…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 01:19 PM
1

Be the parent your gut feels they need. Counterbalance with bigger and better rewards than you normally would to incentivize them to stay on side.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 12:45 PM
1

Personal therapy has been helpful.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 12:37 PM
6

There are four people you shouldn't lie to: Your lawyer Your priest Your doctor Your therapist Yet so many do ...
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 05:09 AM
2

doing more time that justified by the crime - hang in and make that moolah baby
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 05:07 AM
3

100% this. Behind the scenes, I will tell any of my kids they’re fucking up but if it’s a divorce - I’m taking their side against all comers.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 08:19 PM
9

They will or should side with their own child. This should not be taken personally regardless of their own child’s behavior. When the dust settles, the landscape changes - especially if you can provide access to the grandkids. If they were good inlaws before, they’ll become great ex-inlaws especially if their child was the one who fucked it up.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 08:17 PM
10

It’s emotional manipulation to keep you on shaky ground and tire you out. Decide how you want to treat her and do that consistently rather than treating her differently depending on your various interactions. Do that for a few weeks and I guarantee it will be life changing. The more consistent you are the more erratic she will become for a while as she grasps for emotional control over you - don’t break, don’t argue, don’t get drawn into a fight, just stay the course.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 12:59 PM
3

How long will she be able to keep it up?
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 12:31 AM
2

Spend the time you’re away from the planning what you will do with your next time together - maximize quality
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 07:18 PM
8

Stairs safety week at r/divorce_men
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 03:44 PM
1

Yeah, I moved to Thailand for her from the U.S. - fortunately it was bangkok so I could make a living in a big city - but nothing close to what I would have done back home. But a lot that’s on me, there’s always a way. Is there a nearby city you can plant some roots? Close enough to maintain a good relationship with your kids. Far from ideal, but you made some decisions, too. So compromising some aspect of your career path is necessary. Is it at least a cool country to live in? (Good beer?)
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 07:18 PM
1

About 7 years before - she never wore hers because her mom one-upped me
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 07:13 PM
2

Gotta do the work
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 03:52 PM
1

Don’t toss this away over this stuff
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 01:56 AM
1

There is nothing you can do to prevent her from creating her own narrative, being first to file is least among concerns
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 06:37 PM
2

The road to losing your kids is paved with good intentions.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 05:00 PM
2

Treat it like an immigration interview
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 03:33 PM
4

Yesterday at his soccer game her and I had some words and I finally let her have it. I get it but .. not the time or place
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 06:43 PM
6

Don’t save the last dance for me
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 01:49 AM
1

Totally
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 01:46 AM
1

I’d recommend visiting over living
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 01:43 AM
1

There’s a reason our fathers’ generation went out for milk and never came back.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 09:54 PM
1

If OP dms me the new boyfriend’s number I’ll message him with this subreddit. We can set him straight without blowback to OP.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 09:43 PM
3

I live in bangkok and often travel to Vietnam - super easy, safe and affordable these days - if you end up going, dm me and I’ll send you my WhatsApp for a local emergency contact in the unlikely event you have problem
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 09:07 PM
1

I’ll be back in Bangkok from 7 May
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 09:05 PM
1

It’s all about boundaries - well done. Now never discuss it again with her. “Disagree.” is a complete response.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 08:28 PM
1

It’s not “someone” asking “someone” … If you can’t see that … dunno - this entire sub exists for the general proposition of dudes helping dudes - and asking a dude for help that will hurt said dude, is an abuse of the bro code
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 08:15 PM
1

No way. Abuse of bro code.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 05:54 PM
3

And OP is smart for staying the fuck out of it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 05:52 PM
1

I had the same thought at first - but then was like, no way - the only possible result is blowback of some sort. Bro code doesn’t extend that far.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 05:51 PM
12

Right move. You spent so much time and money getting her out of your life, why the hell would you open that door again? The only thing you could probably tell him is “don’t do it” and then she’d find out and boom. Well done.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 05:49 PM
2

I heard it in terms of her man banging someone else
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 07:59 PM
-1

If you can’t include even a word of support in your posts, don’t post.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 07:58 PM
3

Sounds like you’re working too hard to project some sort of image to them and by the third or fourth date, you don’t know where to take it. If that makes sense. Why are you dating? To find another wife or long-term partner? When you’re with them, do you feel a husband/provider mindset take hold? What do you expect of yourself? It’s really important to just have fun with the person sitting across from you. Not to entertain her, but for yourself. Don’t think about the second date or the next date.…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 07:55 PM
–

Absolutely within the rules! Welcome
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 03:00 PM
1

My ex always took the lead in decorating and furniture at the house - in my own space, it doesn’t really have character - how do I figure out what to do? My own style.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 01:35 PM
1

Compartmentalizing is hard but we are all capable of it and it is a critical survival skill in divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 03:28 AM
10

it came to a hed recently after my 23yr old daughter asked me why i put up with it That's what we call the nod from your corner to take the gloves off.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 03:15 AM
1

100% depends on your jurisdiction.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 03:14 AM
2

oddly enough, I'm in Florida looking after my parents for a while and my mom wanted to go to hallmark - so, just picked out a card and good to go. Done.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 03:12 AM
7

Absolutely, it's not about your ex, it's about teaching your daughters civility, respect and grace. The moment they are old enough to do it themselves, then just send reminders. EDIT: at the same time, if you have any expectation of getting anything like that from her for Father's day - Fuggedaboudit - Capisce?
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 02:43 AM
1

Covid was a motherfucker, hope you can avoid a second trainwreck
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 01:36 AM
3

Suddenly, the therapist will be biased and on your side
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 12:46 AM
1

Vroom vroom vroom
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 12:45 AM
3

They’ve hyped her up with unrealistic expectations probably prompted by her own aggressiveness which they didn’t want to disappoint because she would only hire the lawyer who told her what she wanted to hear and better she hire them than the other firm down the road. If they tell her too soon, she’ll just drop them for another lawyer. If she’s in deep and trial is approaching, they can start to talk uncertainty versus cost of trial, which will be an amount that probably means something to her. A…
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 12:19 AM
2

Yeah, eventually her lawyer will need to give her realistic outcomes if it goes to trial and convince her to settle because they won’t want to try the case
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 08:00 PM
5

No, I’m saying continue on the trial track and don’t waste more time and money throwing settlement offers at her until trial gets closer
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 07:55 PM
2

It’s difficult to divorce someone who doesn’t want to be divorced, as they may go scorched earth. At the same time, 50 is not old anymore and there’s a lot of life and potential fulfillment ahead if you can break free. For me the kids ages would be a big consideration in terms of timing.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 06:33 PM
3

Save yourself 10-20k by not begging her to settle, sending endless settlement offers, hours of lawyer time trying to set up settlement conferences.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 06:14 PM
2

Every divorce is different but also the same.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 06:13 PM
2

Definitely and don't concede or give up until you do. Good luck, bro.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 03:21 PM
15

Mediations are rarely successful when you have one entitled party who believes that holding an extreme position will make the other party fold. Prepare for trial and expect them to come with something semi-reasonable at the 11th hour. And send your lawyers' kids to college instead of yours.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 03:20 PM
2

Yep, similar story. Rich girl, three kids. Worse than no boundaries, she ruined the confidence of our boys and demeaned our daughter - as her parents had done to her and her siblings. Your work schedule doesn't determine your visitation. and if you're getting weekends, you should get full weekends. Don't accept less. Fight.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 03:17 PM
1

Ok, but what did you actually do?
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 08:38 PM
2

Even if you're bankrupt, you still win if she's gone.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 08:35 PM
2

misleading title - should be "begging for mediation" custody and visitation are the least amenable to mediation, typically. Mediation is pretty good for financial issues. I guess the simple question is - why are you putting up with her shit? Like what changes in the agreement would stop her? What compels you to play along with her games? Do you communicate with her about these things? Does she actually do anything beside not pay her share, blow hot air, and obstruct where she can? Can't you just…
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 08:32 PM
4

You haven’t been on the same page for a while - you need to internalize that.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 04:23 PM
1

Will you grow a beard?
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 03:08 PM
10

She informed you that she ended the marriage months or years ago and finally decided to let you know.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 08:54 AM
7

“Sad but true” is our official theme song
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 12:31 AM
1

Only one reason to tell the ex anything like that …
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 03:52 AM
6

Just say no. Can't really blame them for asking, they have needs, too. Don't find reasons to alienate people. If it really bothers you, you can tell them it was really rubbing salt in your wound to ask you for money - didn't they know what was going on? Nothing too heavy. But the anger is real.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 09:01 AM
2

If you two can effectively co-parent and if the kid is really young - the impact of the change won't be felt much, but giving off "poor kid" vibes will resonate. Make the best of your time and the situation, your kid will be fine if you get fine.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 02:33 AM
2

the power of a good cry is underrated
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 02:29 AM
6

I finished my ice cream too quickly and didn’t make enough conversation, proving I didn’t love her Maybe if you would shut up for a second honey - because the wrath of interrupting you is unmatched
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 01:58 AM
5

Judges love a comeback kid. Just don’t fuck up.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 12:17 PM
–

A good reminder to take care of mental health and never be afraid to ask for help.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 10:21 AM
2

Conflicting out lawyers is a common tactic these days.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 09:59 AM
10

Just re-watching Blacklist, and this quote/paraphrase stuck out at me: "She'll be the first thing you think of every day. Then one day she'll be the second. And then one day you'll realize you hadn't thought of her at all."
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 08:44 AM
1

To her, "Disagree with what you have alleged here. Please provide access to [child] in accordance with the agreement and without further interference on [insert date], [time], [location]. Should you not reply back confirming your full compliance, I will take one or more of the following actions: (1) seek lawful assistance in enforcing my visitation rights; (2) file the necessary legal actions on an emergency basis; and (3) such other lawful actions as may be required to enforce my visitation rig…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 08:42 AM
1

It's a super common issue. But everyone should read all their paperwork in detail.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 08:36 AM
2

Good. Please tell your family not to also. She's just seeking attention and giving it to her will only make her worse. Let her call names, it actually makes her look worse than you and your family, to any intelligent person.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 08:26 AM
1

good move
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 07:54 AM
3

I had my first kid at 33 and second two at just shy of 40. You're good.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 07:53 AM
2

She hasn't done anything and until she does, don't respond. Why in the world you're even responding now is beyond me. Are you looking for drama? Is this kind of drama common in your culture? Let her scream and shout into an empty void, that's the worst thing you can do to her - ignore.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 06:54 AM
–

Prohibited post.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/26 08:52 AM
8

Follow your gut. However, have you ever discussed it with her? After this time has passed and X amount of dates, the tone has been set. So it’s a little harsh to conclude she’s using you (although she may very well be). But if she never even offers … red flag.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/26 05:12 AM
4

That’s a long time to carry that anger Bro
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 01:20 PM
9

This isn’t sudden for her, she’s probably been looking for an excuse for a good long while. But it’s new to you, although not totally unexpected from your other comments, so you need to go through the grieving process - don’t expect sympathy from her - for the grief, you’re right - you’re on your own. Well, you got us old lumps of coal.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 04:08 AM
2

On the bright side, chicks dig scars
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 04:06 AM
3

Ritual purification by fire. 🔥 Yeah baby! Nothing symbolizes transformation and renewal more effectively!
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 11:53 PM
1

The more I see the more I believe in this: if you want loyalty, get a dog.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 10:56 PM
1

Sharpens the brain back up to fight the fog. That’s what I’ve told myself anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 10:54 PM
1

Heavy - but you have a way with words.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 11:33 AM
1

Common Side Effects: Nausea, dry mouth, insomnia, fatigue, constipation, decreased appetite, divorce and increased sweating.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 11:28 AM
1

Ride a motorcycle out West? Bro, you had to want to be something at some point. If that ship has sailed, come chill with me in Bangkok for a month to "find yourself"!
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 11:25 AM
5

Getting away from it all will help. Also, are there any environmental factors in the house that may exacerbate your condition? Mold, for example. I still haven’t gotten over all the fog but it got better after a year. Meditation and just slowing everything down a bit helped, along with video games.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 10:11 AM
2

Good luck and godspeed!
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 08:10 AM
2

Your friend is in a LDR with your STBX? That's some shit. Bizarre. Anyway, time to find someone else to talk to and you got us. Other than that, seems you're doing pretty well overall - don't let this slow you down on your path to getting your life together.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 03:37 AM
11

Stop listening to her and start listening to your lawyer. File police reports for criminal damaging and you strike first with the restraining order. She’s told you her game plan, don’t sit on your ass and let it play out. Protect yourself first, then worry about “communicating with her during the divorce.” Fix your car. Take at least your half out of the joint account. Don’t ask. Do.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 12:18 AM
1

need to let her get over it on her own - angry texts are part of her process
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/26 05:03 AM
9

do. not. respond.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/26 05:02 AM
1

Which country is she in? The problem with these cases is usually service of process, and as you can see, the inability to attend a hearing. You don't need a lawyer, she does. She can appoint a lawyer to represent her so she doesn't need to show up.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/26 05:01 AM
2

Yeah, my dad kept putting his foot down until about 15 years ago. And the minute he gave an inch, mom took a mile and kept going. It aged him quickly.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 10:13 AM
2

A truly important question!
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 02:19 PM
5

You need to put enough effort into saving the marriage that you’ll be able to live with if it fails. But you can bet your bottom dollar that she’s not changing an iota until the very moment you tell her you’ve filed for divorce - and those changes will be fear-based and temporary. In these situations, you either need to grin and bear it until one of you dies or get out. She’s set in her ways, there ain’t no changing them.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 02:14 PM
3

Go bowling or miniature golfing
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 02:04 PM
7

but feel like I'm losing my identity and don't know who I am anymore. Almost all of us have felt this - exactly! In actuality, your identity was quashed, changed and stunted by the role of husband and father - don’t get me wrong, they are noble pursuits - but try to think back to who you were before you were married, before you and her became serious. What did you aspire to? Enjoy? Want to be? Want to do? This experience doesn’t rob you of your identity, it releases it from the prison of the pas…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 02:00 PM
4

His ex cut him in half once, this one’s got her hooks in the other half.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 12:57 PM
0

unless you duped him into commingling it ⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️ marital money is what makes the mortgage & repairs Gentlemen, be careful out there!
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 12:54 PM
0

His premarital property is his, not yours, unless you duped him into commingling it - in which case, refer to my initial comment.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 11:26 AM
2

Our equity Wow, that’s fucking telling.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 07:31 AM
2

Poor doggo
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/26 03:43 AM
2

So handle it then. No good if both you and your son judge your self worth by her. She’s unwell and leaned into it. Probably because it was easier, more dopamine, and whatever else. People choose/succumb to alcohol and other vices over spouses and kids all the time, she’s done the same. Any other analysis leaves you and your son lacking, which you are not.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 02:13 PM
3

All you can do is choose yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 07:45 AM
10

Our hivemind knows all.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 04:22 AM
8

By the time you’re noticing the more blatant signs, she’s probably already got at least one foot out the door. Early signs: Lack of respect Stops doing little nice things Picks more fights over nothing Talks to others about problems instead of you Dismissive of your thoughts and opinions It’s not a bright line though - as the resentment builds this stuff starts creeping in. Finding the source of the resentment and rooting it out before it’s too late is very challenging.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 02:42 AM
–

Yes, you’re welcome here.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 02:33 AM
7

Better than newly single dad at 46. We got you. You got this.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/26 06:02 AM
1

Ground up in the freezer?
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 09:25 AM
2

We drifted apart. My role in the relationship was the dock and she had twin evinrude 300s.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 09:21 AM
4

She decided our marriage wasn’t for her and after I found out she acted on that decision, I agreed.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 09:19 AM
1

My son had a narcissistic wife who almost destroyed him!! The separation and divorce was a nightmare. We had hardly any contact until the separation because she always shot at us. They only met their true character after the separation. My son fulfilled her every wish and paid for everything. She planned children with him and vacation in the Dominican Republic. He already saved and thought everything was fine in the relationship. That he had to cook and clean after work was normal. He also alway…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 12:41 PM
1

Sounds really weird.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 04:02 AM
1

"an epidemic of gold-digging whores" ~ Old Bill Burr
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 03:22 AM
1

Your lawyer is recommending that because you told her you want to reconcile and stay together for the family. The lawyer's job is to achieve your goals. Ask your lawyer whether they honestly think it will work and what they would do if they were in your position.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 03:12 AM
1

What are you talking about?
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 03:06 AM
3

Zen baby zen. My only advice, and your attorney sounds good, but make sure the order to sell the house is excruciatingly detailed, with timeframes that allow you to make decisions without her, with costs split but if she doesn’t pay her share it comes out of her portion of the marital estate, listing price, agent, alternate agent, timeframe for dropping price to sell, agents recommendations for fixing are binding if you and her can’t agree, offers above X will be accepted, clean and clear out of…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 02:43 AM
2

Regarding birthdays: The parent who has the children on the actual date of the birthday would also be entitled to parenting time for the weekends immediately preceding and following that birthday. Kids birthdays or your birthdays? Assuming kids - if it doesn’t end up being fair for her (and you, I guess) in terms of alternating and equal - then it’s not going to work. Usually birthdays are alternated or joint.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 03:59 PM
3

It’s so egregious that I think you’re right - that’s her angle
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 10:57 AM
5

lemme guess - she thinks you're too controlling
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 10:12 AM
4

just a general comment that "attachment theory" explained A LOT to me
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 10:06 AM
13

she will do it even more if you say this whiny shit
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 10:02 AM
10

If you want peace, make peace. If you want her to stop, act like it doesn't bother you. She's acting out like a child, so treat her like one. Ask how he's doing, more questions than she's comfortable handling. This is the way of the warrior.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 10:01 AM
1

What will that do? I'm not ignorant of the problems. What percent is an "extreme minority"?
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 08:28 AM
5

Many reasons to give up but once you do, there's no going back really. Painting half our species with one broad brush is the easy way out. Navigating real relationships is much more difficult and fraught with peril, as it always has been and always will be. You have your own decisions to make but there's no need to try to sell others on it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 08:00 AM
3

Title is accurate.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 06:52 AM
3

I will have zero debt and my parents are fine with me living with them until im on my feet. Underrated solution!
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 02:39 PM
2

Mourning is correct. Grieve the loss of a partner, the loss of a marriage and the loss of a shared future. Then, move on. Tough stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 11:52 AM
2

couldn't agree more - getting good with yourself brings the strength of a fully-formed identity, rather than just always viewing yourself in relation to a partner
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 08:06 AM
7

I didn’t agree to her not working, she just refused to go back when she stopped working 15 years ago. This is a difficult situation.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 04:12 AM
1

Phew - not to diminish the suckiness of your situation - you got this!
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 04:08 AM
10

You need to separate the issues here. Bringing him to the house, if you have kids, not ok. Everything else - direct your rage elsewhere and focus on getting the best deal you can in the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 08:32 AM
1

One camera on you and one on the book - via zoom or whatever if possible - otherwise it’s kinda normal for them to lose interest
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 05:41 AM
2

1,000% feel this viscerally like it was yesterday
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 05:38 AM
3

It’s new to you, not her. She’s grieved the loss of the marriage, without you and without telling you. Don’t expect emotional support for what you’re going through from her, it will be patronizing and hollow. Your main focus now is on compartmentalizing - the business of the divorce from the emotional trainwreck you’ve been tossed into. You will need time to grieve and it’s a lot of hard work and pain to get to acceptance. But you’re going to be expected to act as though you’ve skipped it all be…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 04:20 AM
1

Good luck with the conversation, how are you gonna start it?
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/26 05:54 AM
0

I mean if she suspects, she knows kind of but it’s different animal once it’s in the open. I mean do you think she’d rather carry on without officially recognizing it? Are you telling her because you want a divorce?
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/26 04:53 AM
2

They would rather suffer and resent us forever than deal with it. Once you improve - the resentment grows because she needs to view you as a better person now, which can be too much. Improve what you can for yourself and by yourself - never mention it just let the change speak for itself. You got a major shit show going on, keep it together the best you can.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/26 04:51 AM
1

Infidelity with both men and women or just men? If the latter, i think she’ll probably have more understanding provided you were safe. But the former … then it’s just plain cheating with a complexity.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/26 04:42 AM
1

Yep. Cut dude some slack.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 08:59 AM
1

Fuck it bro - don’t go - get them a gift - it’s about them not you.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 08:58 AM
1

Take a deep breath. Play it cool. Make a few appointments with lawyers. Sounds like she’s cheating - at the minimum emotionally.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 08:56 AM
2

Thank you, you are why we thrive.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 08:54 AM
4

Lots of us haven’t really lived alone or fully taken care of ourselves for any extended period of time so there’s a skills deficiency- at least I think that has something to do with it. Also the fear of being alone.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 05:58 AM
2

This forum’s spidey sense is on point
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 05:51 AM
7

Whatever she’s doing is for her, not you or the relationship. Something must have spooked her. If I were to guess, it was this: I told her that I accepted her decision didn’t agree but said I can’t make you love me so it is what it is. Honest, mature, strong. No begging, no anger. Probably scared the shit out of her. But the end of your marriage is inevitable. Just depends how many times you want go through this drama until you’re actually done. At the same time there’s no rush if you can keep y…
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 02:57 AM
1

Alienation is ugly no matter who is doing it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 12:12 AM
1

there are some simple things you can do to avoid a common law marriage in most states, but the worst thing to do is fall into one unknowingly. As for the prenup - if she's earning more than you now, it's a much easier conversation.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 04:53 AM
2

we may be dumb but we're not stupid - pics of the friends are required at least four working days in advance! I'll be in FL during that time but sounds like a blast.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 04:48 AM
2

You have done so amazingly well. Have you explored the seven stages of grief and how they may apply to your inability to move on in some respects? If you can button up this loose end, you'll move from a 9.5 / 10 to a 10/10 - seriously, you've handled things better than just about all of us.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 04:46 AM
4

It has nothing to do with you or truth or anything other than her setting a narrative she can live with and by.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 08:15 AM
2

Hard to shake that mindset
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 08:10 AM
2

Don’t take the words in the complaint personally.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 07:46 AM
2

Technically, I think you waived service. So she didn’t have you served - early win! 😂 Good luck sir! Don’t let the lawyers ruin a perfectly good divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 07:45 AM
18

She didn’t decide two days ago brother
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 12:18 AM
2

as we say: Once is a tragedy, twice is bad luck, three or more - it's a hobby
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 05:05 AM
3

Both of you knock it off. You don't share the same morality. There's no requirement that you do.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 05:05 AM
0

not if some of these fuckers get their way
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 05:01 AM
0

better to marry the next one for fun, not love
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 05:00 AM
4

When I asked her about this Dave guy, she promised me he was “just a friend, and they “were just hanging out as friends” she promised me she had no “emotional bandwidth” for a new relationship. what a load of bullshit ...
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 05:00 AM
10

The frequent waves will become infrequent ripples over time - but even after a long time there can still be a rogue wave that washes you overboard. How much time depends on a few things, a couple of which you can control. First, it depends on you as a person and how emotions like this effect you - can't control that. But the general rule of thumb is that anything over a year should be looked at closely and with professional help. Second, you need to actively grieve the loss. Understand the seven…
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/26 11:24 AM
5

My take on it is twofold - first, these days we don’t “need” other people and can be more self reliant (not in the good sense of the word); second, the focus on happiness and having everthing just the way someone wants it is beyond the pale. In short, selfishness is unbounded in today’s society and it’s not healthy. And it isn’t just women, despite what some of our community members may feel and express.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/26 05:06 AM
12

File before she gets some clever ideas about fake DV, etc. Because obviously this is your fault completely, not hers, and she did this because of emotional, financial, physical or any other type of abuse you can think of. Keep your physical distance from now on and do NOT argue. Wall her off emotionally from now until it is done. and after taht too fi you want
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/26 08:52 AM
1

Don't dilly dally, get a schedule and march it forward. Keep it positive to ensure no one gets any ideas. But don't be too trusting or naive as "the talk" often awakens a part of a partner - even a few weeks after the fact - that can result in some major nastiness. Just be sure to limit your downside and split finances as soon as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 12:32 AM
3

This plan will maximize your child support payment. If you’re ok with that, no worries. If not, you need to be having different conversations with her. And also a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/26 01:51 AM
–

We aren’t here to provide you strategic advice in your relationship with a divorced man. This subreddit is for supporting divorced men.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 09:52 AM
10

Wait until the divorce is over. Keep her engaged with that stuff, if she has nowhere to go, she’ll never go.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 10:04 AM
3

hard to swim with an anchor around your neck
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 08:48 AM
7

Never marry your rebound. Other than that, just be as safe and smart as you can muster given your emotional state on any given day.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 12:51 AM
11

Greetings, fellow asshole. I also regret a lot of things I’ve said and done and the way I treated her less kindly than I could have, and in most cases, should have. At the same time, shes also her and im not a mean person. Not sure if you’re romanticizing or viewing the past with rose colored glasses tinted by some overwhelming emotions - but nothing is 100% one persons fault.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/26 05:35 AM
2

You can make an offer based on 50/50 and subject to her agreement to 50/50 noting that any custody arrangement aside from 50/50 will not be considered and the case will go to trial Just make sure you aren’t overplaying your hand
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 11:03 AM
10

I was originally very hurt by the men in the couples friends we had turning their backs - then I realized it was an act of self preservation after their wives were turned to believe I was Satan himself.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 05:05 AM
1

better than her freaking out and pressing some bullshit DV charge, if the case is already on file when you tell her, the silver bullet shit is gonna fail
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 03:42 AM
8

I've been in the revenge business for so long, now that it's over I don't know what to do with the rest of my life. ~ Inigo Montoya
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 08:06 AM
3

Meet lawyer Hire lawyer File petition Serve her with petition Optional (between step 3 and 4): Have "the talk" - at the least let her know you've filed and ask her how she wants to be served (home or work) Then there will be plenty of talking to do, anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 06:31 AM
1

no worse pain that writing that alimony check every month - good on you
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 06:21 AM
7

Played right into her hands. Expect papers and just deal with it as it comes. She doesn’t deserve to see your anger, your happiness, your sadness - nothing. Wall her off emotionally. The first thing to do when you find yourself in a hole is to- STOP DIGGING!
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 03:32 AM
6

If it’s not sweat off your back, good for those boys.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 04:50 AM
3

I kept telling myself, “If I stay reasonable, this will stay reasonable.” Fatal flaw of most men’s thinking
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/26 10:24 AM
1

Normal and natural. Find an outlet that won’t create problems and work through it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/26 10:11 AM
1

My attorney said she had a job making 70k and the court expects her to get another job paying the same amount. That would be good. Better for her to have a job though.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/26 08:48 AM
4

Gut it and then get out. Use this year to work on the settlement agreement and finalize all parts of separation you can short of legally divorcing. Go see a lawyer and get a good handle on the financials.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/26 11:55 AM
5

Jury trials in divorce are wild.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/26 02:17 AM
2

The parent who can gain the larger benefit for claiming the kids should claim them and the excess should be divided equally, not the whole return.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/26 02:13 AM
3

Ruminating: start a journal of your thoughts - that’ll slow down or stop real quick Self doubt: good therapy work Spells of sadness: good therapy work All else - you’re doing fantastic and you got us
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 01:54 PM
4

You may not take this in the right way and I don’t mean to be insulting - your mindset is borderline delusional. Not only is it over now, it was over before you even perceived a problem serious enough to wonder if divorce was on the horizon. Finding hope in her moment of airing grievances or offloading bits of resentment or her having a pang of emotion, is deeply unhealthy. But there’s only one way to find out - ask her.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 05:24 AM
3

It's an old aphorism common in the legal profession. If you have two reasonable parties, the case will settle quickly and fairly (albeit it's less likely to ever get to court). If you have two unreasonable parties, the case will go to trial unless one party "comes to their senses" (i.e. acts reasonably) - in which case, they "lose" because the party who remains unreasonable can extract additional concessions. Similarly, and relevant to a lot of us here, the unreasonable one versus the reasonable…
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 04:16 AM
1

In litigation, the first person to act reasonably ... loses.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 12:11 PM
11

She’s unaware of other strategies to solve her slideshow problem (or lazy) so she reluctantly contacted you. She’s over you and if I were your new wife, I’d be biting my tongue about how much you’re trying to read into this but probably pissed off or hurt inside.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 04:48 AM
2

Bet you never thought that this was how you’d relate most to Chris Farley. None of us did.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 08:20 AM
6

Years out. Grateful for those who lashed their ship to mine and kept me afloat through the tempest.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 08:19 AM
1

Ain’t nothing the court can do about that.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 08:09 AM
1

Show up, be clinical, depart. Wish her well on your way out. Go no contact for at least 30 days. Then tie up any loose ends, as needed.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 08:07 AM
2

Prepare and fight your way to trial. Stop engaging in any settlement activity whatsoever. If she makes you an offer, consider it of course. Make sure your lawyer can go the distance. Change your entire attitude and demeanor. If she’s asking for things she shouldn’t be able to achieve, then she’s counting on you to fold. Do the opposite and the case will settle, but not before you spend your time and treasure - money that should go to your kid’s college is going to both of your lawyers instead, t…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 01:44 AM
2

She’s tougher than either of you believe - her perceived inability to adult should not be a factor
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 12:11 AM
13

Write the letter Put it in an envelope Burn it
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 12:09 AM
2

Latent, not sudden. But yeah. Was hoping I’d have grown out of it by 50 but no such luck.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/26 06:20 AM
4

Annoying, hope she’s out soon and without incident.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 10:29 AM
3

Different for everyone and I still get a rare anger moment years out. Compartmentalizing is the key - it’s the only thing you have hopes of controlling. In the worst days I would go for a drive alone and scream all the poison out until I was exhausted. It helped, surprisingly.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 12:55 PM
5

Good that your lawyer is moving things forward. Tell him to keep things moving no matter what you’re going through emotionally. You’re not a failure, the relationship failed but it succeeded until it didn’t - don’t discount the good parts and successes. Keep it clinical with her and get the support you need to get through it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 05:30 AM
4

Blame it on sea sickness and muddle through - find some fun between the swells.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 05:26 AM
5

Don’t count your chickens. Keep applying steady pressure, take all precautions (such as splitting finances, changing passwords, etc.), get the case on file with the court and have someone served unless there’s an alternate procedure. Don’t relax. Just like a duck, appear calm and smooth on the surface but paddle like hell underneath. Nothings over until the judge signs.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 05:23 AM
4

It’s a daily battle. Please help, all, by reporting posts.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/26 11:34 PM
4

I can’t really frame better than you need to get yourself out of the marriage/husband mindset. It takes a lot of work. But you don’t need to push yourself to be “the one” for anyone. It’s not the measuring stick for you now, at all. It was, for all of us. And we built ourselves around it - but it’s not anymore. Date to have fun and connect. Have a good conversation, get laid or whatever. Fuck it - go bowling or play minigolf - keep it light, enjoy some company. You deserve to regain that type of…
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 05:07 PM
2

One month. Together for 240 months. Give yourself some grace to adjust. If you’re rocking ADHD like me, and a part of that is lacking good impulse control - it’ll be maddening for a while but don’t act on it towards her. Get your dopamine elsewhere. The pangs will remain for a while but you will absolutely move past it and past her.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 04:57 PM
3

Lots of shitty lawyers. Lots of shitty clients - but the clients have an excuse! For most family cases, the correct allocation of legal dollars is very difficult. Fighting is really expensive and not fighting can be very costly in terms of result. Clients often instruct a lawyer to fight when they’re emotional and then get upset at the corresponding bill. Or they calm down and then make a more rational decision, but still get charged for work that was done before they changed their minds. Many t…
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 07:58 AM
3

Yeah, I think his lawyer “isn’t doing enough to counter it” because he’s aware the judge will not tolerate it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 12:26 AM
12

Her lawyer is making an argument because he can. It’s a big chunk of cash so, why not? When you say your lawyer “isn’t doing enough to counter it” - what isn’t he doing? Jumping up and down or shouting? Has it been before the judge yet? Or is he telling you the other side is correct? If the last, then you have a problem.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 12:24 AM
8

Wow, snooped your post history. That post about the morning romp - was that a high point? Also, make a throwaway yesterday and change all your passwords and stuff. Welcome!
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 01:06 PM
5

The words don’t carry the same impact or weight they once did. That’s the victory. Accept the annoyance, disengage at will.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 10:13 AM
7

It's a long-standing trend. In truth, everyone exhibits narcissistic traits to some extent and at some times. So everyone is a narcissist sometimes. Narcissistic Personality Disorder, on the other hand - few and far between. But in any event, labels always have and always will support a narrative with zero thought and zero questions from the "friends" who don't challenge your assumptions.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 08:48 AM
1

On the bright side, at least she didn’t call protective services on you when you took them outside to play in the snow.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 04:51 AM
4

The only thing worse than fighting against a divorce she wants is accepting one she doesn’t.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/26 07:47 AM
1

I have a strict rule to never say anything I can;t take back. Your rule, not hers. Seems like she’s triggering you and then being nice or pretending she doesn’t know what’s going on for some purpose. What does she get out of you when she does this? Track the patterns. Does she have any history?
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/26 07:36 AM
5

When divorce threats become a tool of coercion, manipulation and behavior modification, the reason you think you want to reconcile is basically stockholm syndrome. One threat of divorce from someone feeling exasperated and stuck is not right but understandable. The next time it happens there should be a divorce. And if it goes on and on, it’s emotional terrorism until it either loses all impact or the divorce happens. Divorce threats are not tools in the relationship toolkit they’re deeply unhea…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 07:29 AM
5

normal
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/26 07:04 AM
3

You should talk to someone about these thoughts. Your deal is pretty raw, but with perspective, overall you will be ok. Not what you wanted or imagined, but ok. In retrospect, where do you stand on your decision not to hire a lawyer? Would they really have done much better than what you got? Maybe the whole relocation bit but isn’t that something she could have fought you for and probably won anyway?
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/26 05:50 AM
2

Cool
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/26 04:37 AM
4

Proud of you and happy for you. What should be the standard, predictable result is a huge win for us in family court.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/26 04:36 AM
11

Yeah bro, be macho. If she's happy to drop the insurance, you should be happy to file for child support. She will shut up right quick. If you haven't learned by now that it's a game and you need to play it, get with it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/26 04:01 AM
3

Hold strong, she doesn't need to be there and you need her NOT to be there. Just let her know it would be great for the kid to have two birthday celebrations instead of one this year, tell her you're happy to revisit the issue for the next birthday. From her perspective, as it's a kid party - I can see how she would want to be there for sure. And a lot of parents are able to do it - but that's a high level of closure and cooperation. Another alternative is to impose a very strict set of rules - …
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/26 03:58 AM
1

So divorce puts you in a collectively better financial position. Seems like a no brainer.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/26 03:19 AM
9

She tells me she would allow me to have visitation rights to see my children. That she won’t move, and that I owe her spousal support for the 20 years we were together. I thought you said she was at the hearing - did she understand the ruling? Read the room honey, this ain’t even in the same zip code of what the judge is looking to do. Time to play her a little “Bad Day” by Daniel Powter
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/26 03:16 AM
6

This is cool to hear - what information did you feed it and what were your prompts like?
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/26 03:12 AM
1

So if you get divorced, can she get SSDI?
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/26 01:46 AM
1

Ninja emotions are bullshit
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 05:51 AM
1

47, not religious so Church not really an option. Disagree, it’s a ready-made social gathering place. Pick a laid back non-denominational church to visit - you won’t regret it. At the least it will get you back into conversing with other adults about stuff and things. Signed, Atheist But anyway - volunteering is another great way to meet people and you can do good at the same time. Bowling league The goal isn’t to find friends, the goal is to socialize in environments that may lead to friendship…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 05:48 AM
1

Do you really think that judge is really that dumb? Definitely enough to have big problem.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 05:39 AM
1

lol
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 03:25 AM
2

This is an excessive amount of time for a call with a 3 year old and she’s perpetuating a feedback loop to make the kid distressed. She’s also leaning on the kid to support herself emotionally. None of this seems healthy or even within a few standard deviations of “normal” - is she in therapy?
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 03:23 AM
3

I’m 50 - dating in this world is bizarre. [waves cane at youngsters]
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 03:18 AM
1

Have you read up on caregiver burnout? Resentment? Maybe those two topics will provide some insights. From an objective, practical perspective - you seem to have things basically sorted out with her. Is she applying pressure to you now?
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 01:53 AM
1

Good mindset, you’ll get through this.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 12:16 AM
3

We got halfway through and I broke down saying I don’t want a kid, and I know you’re having an affair. Holy shit! No matter what she says about you, you’ve got a natural flair for timing and dropping serious bombs.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 12:14 AM
11

Do nothing. Say nothing. In terms of processing, it kind of depends where you are overall with processing your life without her and the loss of your marriage. Did seeing this bring out emotions you thought you had gotten past? If so, it’s not a step backwards it’s just a reality check to test your true progress. But your post rings a huge bell of disappointment more than anything - and that’s pretty damn normal, even years out.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 12:11 AM
7

Better to regret being an asshole than regret being out on your ass. Keep marching and don’t you dare let up, if she wanted you could probably settle the whole case tomorrow. She’s just playing pity party until she finds an opening to strike back. Even if she isn’t, you should behave as though she is. Wishing you a positive result tomorrow and you both a speedy and fair settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 12:04 AM
4

Love your kids more than you hate your ex - can’t ask more or less than that.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/26 10:03 AM
5

Follow the order to the letter, else you’re ending up in the clink.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/26 02:17 AM
1

Doesn’t the judge draft the final judgment? Or did you end up settling?
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/26 04:16 AM
2

Should make your job easier then, avoid confrontation or you’ll end up in jail on a bullshit DV charge
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/26 04:12 AM
2

Did you both want the divorce, in reality? If not, expecting her to keep up this front in front of the kids is way too much. Especially now. If not, you can expect to take some reputational damage with the kids. Everyone will get through it but you can’t have everything.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/26 04:08 AM
2

You’re fine. Your best years are ahead, hers are behind. Just one of the fundamental problems with an age gap like this where the woman, in particular, is older.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/26 04:04 AM
1

I better be kind to her during these big changes Or what?
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/26 04:03 AM
1

i am 37 she is 10 years older That speaks volumes
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/26 04:03 AM
1

You don’t pay her rent plus child support and alimony. You pay child support and alimony only. Any agreed expenses you cover would only be for the kids and would be things like extracurricular activities, health insurance or other such items. You just give her the money and then she uses it. Whether it comes out of your check or you write the check is based on what you agree. There’s no requirement to garnish your wages.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/26 03:59 AM
3

If it makes him mad, that’s a major red flag for me. Background check this guy to the hilt.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/26 03:53 AM
2

Pets are property under the law so the judge will only order it to one or the other. If you want to battle about pet custody, support and visitation, then you’ll need to have an agreement because the judge won’t tolerate being asked to decide those matters.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/26 03:43 AM
1

The judge is just offloading work to the GM - I don’t see a reason to object to it - just realize that the GM has very limited powers to do anything outside of what the judge assigns to them. But objecting would probably be annoying to the judge, leave it to her to object.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/26 02:32 AM
3

This is happening, you can either be an advocate for yourself and your kids or wallow in the fear and uncertainty. You need an aggressive lawyer and a willingness to go to trial to get what you’re entitled to. Don’t let your pride or ego get in the way of securing yourself and your kids - take every penny you can get. Get your share of the money out of the joint account now and borrow from your father if you don’t have the cash. You should be in the house - don’t lay down and let her dictate ter…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/26 01:58 AM
2

Is there a good guide specifically for using journaling to process divorce or coping with divorce? I don’t know of one. Definitely include your thoughts and feelings - I rarely used my for logging the events of the days, except for the stuff she was doing - which I kept in a separate journal in case it ever became relevant and I needed to use it for evidence. The whole process is very taxing due to all the uncetainy, conflict, stress, and stuff you’ve never done before. My (now ex) girlfriend gi…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 12:32 PM
6

Passwords? No way.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 11:01 AM
1

Giving away custody won’t stop the fight. There’s always more she can fight about.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 09:18 AM
6

For it to have a decent shot at happening, it should begin at the first whiff of a problem or even before. People tend to suck at relationships, generally. So if used in more of a coaching way, perhaps more effective but still doubtful.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 07:14 AM
5

Just because something happens ALL THE FUCKING TIME doesn’t make it normal. But yeah - been there.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 07:12 AM
2

First, I’d make clear she’s only to call you in the case of a bona fide emergency (define it) and block her on all other channels except one email. Second, she has the right to be notified of anything she’s entitled to weigh in on, any travel covered under the agreement, and whatever third party stuff you’re both receiving. Her sharing does not obligate you at all and it sounds oppressive and controlling. The court will require you both to be reachable when you have the kid. Plus, some other stu…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 06:18 AM
2

Second the journal - something about getting it down on paper stops you from ruminating over the same things again and again. You can really make progress by yourself. Just keep a notebook and pen handy - don’t need to commit to everyday or anything wild like that. Another thing that helped me was setting up a note space in my phone where it would type all the messages I would have normally sent to her. You can get it out, I mean not the same dopamine hit as a good old-fashioned text battle or s…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 03:54 AM
2

It’s a good way to lose friends but it’s the most natural thing in the world and you should be able to lean on your friends during a divorce. The problem is that it often comes out of nowhere from the friend perspective and it’s really heavy, emotional stuff - that most likely has been pent up for a long time. But usually they can handle a couple of those but when you just assume they’re willing and able to be there, it often becomes too much - so much that they’ll start ducking you. Eventually …
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 03:51 AM
2

That sucks. Treated like child support then.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 02:31 AM
5

Nothings over until the judge signs it - and that’s just moving to another phase.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 10:41 PM
6

Sorry to hear this - wanting kids but not having them is painful.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 02:53 PM
1

Petition for rule to show cause why the respondent should not be held in contempt of court for failing to follow an order of the court. In essence, she will need to come before the court and explain why she didn’t comply. If she complies between the time you file and the time of the hearing, the hearing goes forward but usually with few consequences so sometimes it better under those circumstances to tell the court you’d prefer not to proceed as she’s complying, in your effort to save the courts…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 11:28 AM
2

Can’t you go to the court website and look it up?
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 09:08 AM
4

It’s a brutal thing to do - but it’s done and there’s not much to be done, especially when she has a cover story that you know is bullshit but that will look to a court as pretty good. Proving that it’s not, if the court will even listen, would probably require about 1-2 hours of expert testimony (that shouldn’t be given by you, as you have no claim of impartiality even though you have the knowledge) - the court may not even allow it. Pets are property, that’s the law. Personally I can’t underst…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 03:52 AM
2

If she’s working and earning - then you’re in a better position. Alimony, spousal support, or maintenance (or whatever it’s called in your jurisdiction) vary pretty wildly from state to state so it’s important to understand the legal framework you’ll be operating under. But generally speaking, alimony has some “options”: 1 Monthly Modifiable or non-modifiable, and Temporary or permanent Or 2 Lump sum payment in lieu of alimony Or 3 Permanent waiver of any alimony claim Alimony can also be highly…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 03:32 AM
4

Hey - brave and right to reach out - anything is better than nothing and you gotta be you. Rooting for you all to repair this and have great times ahead.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 11:33 AM
6

She's cheating on you 99% and wants to capture what's left of her youth. She thinks she can do better in the market or has already found someone. Every divorce is unique but they all rhyme. Give her the freedom she desires, nothing good can come of trying to keep her. Save your emotions and your begging for your therapist. Be clinical, get it done. Get the absolute best financial / custody (if you have kids) that you can, grieve and put this in the rear view mirror. You probably can't hear this …
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 07:05 AM
2

This is what we need to hear.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 05:11 AM
4

Clinical … but a good start.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 05:10 AM
10

Every day you don’t try to fix it is a day you won’t have with them. They need to hear this and they need you. They will forgive. They want to know you didn’t abandon them. They will look at themselves differently and hold their heads higher knowing you mattered to them. They are hurting. Apologize, don’t go too negative on mom. Won’t help.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 05:09 AM
1

SAHM for 20 years - did you not read that part? It’s a five minute conversation.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 03:15 AM
2

I laughed when I read this, not because it’s funny but because it’s a super practical question that doesn’t often get asked.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 03:14 AM
1

You don’t yet but you might and if she’s facing any financial hardship at all - for sure. I’d talk to an attorney, and pay for advice specifically on this issue.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 03:12 AM
1

What’s done is done, hopefully she uses the cash to set herself up in a new place and not just burn it on booze and nightlife - in which case it’s 100% going to rear its ugly head.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 03:10 AM
2

This is exactly the time not to be “done” and act on your impulse. Just massage her out the door, behave in an understanding way that does not let her think there’s a chance to keep it together. Unless you think she’s gonna lay down and give up re: custody, etc. - in which case go ahead. Not worth it to jump the gun. Support and be generous with her parenting time, show her how easy her life will be outside. Then once that’s settled down, file. Is her FWB a true friend who will commiserate with …
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 03:08 AM
1

You don’t have the skills and experience to properly support him, so just be a nonjudgmental shoulder to cry on.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 03:01 AM
4

My lawyers say to just let her keep doing it as she's digging her own hole and it'll look bad for her in court. That’s one way to look at it. I hope you’ve filed a ton of emergency motions, etc. Otherwise it just looks like you’ve acquiesced to it no matter how much you whine after the fact.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 07:57 AM
2

This is has been a vicious thing in Thailand for a decade or more …
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 06:48 AM
2

Make sure you're fully prepared: take half the money in the joint account (at least) separate your finances and limit cards get all important documents (kid's passports, etc) change all your passwords and log out of any shared accounts set up burner emails and other accounts separate mobile plan Make sure she won't be notified of any of these changes before you separate. Otherwise, have a plan to do it immediately after. Get ready for allegations of domestic violence, child abuse, financial abus…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 04:29 AM
4

don't threaten anything - act. file a police report on the trespassing and file a contempt motion (petition for rule to show cause) with the court for the specific violations on which you have her dead to rights with evidence. Go on the offensive and keep it up.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 04:25 AM
2

yeah, it's a hard habit to break and a ready-to-go time filler. Feels good, no planning required. Do you drink at home or by yourself? Those would be two good starting points. Not that going to bars is a good thing but those are some pretty easy additional limits you can apply since you've already applied the "no drinking around the kids" limit - yeah, it's hard.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 04:03 AM
–

I originally removed this as it doesn't strictly fit in the purpose of the sub, but then again, post divorce dating is a huge topic so I think the topic provides support to our people. Any thoughts? Are there other subs that already do this?
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 03:59 AM
1

You should do it for you, not because it’s her rule. You don’t follow her rules anymore. And following this one just ensures she slips away - it’s not like if you don’t bring it up she’ll come back to you. It’s not some test she’s throwing at you. What would you be willing to sacrifice to get her back, assuming it would only be for maybe 1-2 years tops before this happens again? That’s the question. The sooner you snap out of delusion and start protecting yourself and your kids, the better you w…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 10:45 AM
3

Good to get it out. Keep it here.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 02:06 AM
1

Please add it to the stickied resources thread.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/26 05:56 AM
3

What you need to do is prepare for the hearing. Preferably hire a lawyer and let them get a continuance. Outside of a fighting a TRO, this is a key part of the case because it sets the money, parenting time, etc. for the rest of the case and ends up being the most likely result. Mediation is a weak play and what happens if they say, “no” we want to proceed with the hearing.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/26 12:46 AM
2

How many times has he hit her?
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 05:01 AM
2

Minor issue in the grand scheme. Especially at those ages. Protect your financial future and give them a bigger space? With some extra travel being the main drawback - seems like a good move
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 03:27 AM
1

Been there my friend - rooting for you!
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 02:34 AM
1

Spend the next few sessions agreeing with her and pretending you’ll submit to her every whim to keep things together. Beg, cry, quiver - make her think she’s got you. Then have her served at the last session. There is no need to seek peace or conciliation. Fight with the main goal being to let her know how she will be exposed in the deposition and trial for who she really is, then settle. No mercy. Narcissists don’t settle, they end the case to save themselves.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 01:32 PM
2

10 months will turn into 10 years in no time, can’t keep masking the pain or it will never leave you, plus cirrhosis or whatever from the booze. Not a huge fan of AA but it will give you a good platform / off-ramp. Give one meeting a try.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 12:39 PM
3

This sounds like 8-12 territory
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 12:36 PM
3

... but the good ones ... nevermind
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 04:51 AM
3

It only takes one person to decide a marriage is over. Better if there's an agreement but it's not necessary. So I interpret OP's title in the context of the last sentence - make sure it's really over for you before you go filing.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 02:29 AM
2

This is pretty good thread to review also: https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/opa3oe/fuck_the_lawyers_im_going_pro_se_a_primer/
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 01:19 AM
2

Don’t forget to practice in front of the mirror, just like school
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 01:16 AM
3

That’s why I wrote it! Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 01:15 AM
6

Good morning, your honor. May I have about 30 seconds to say something to the court? {wait} I have been fighting for disability for almost 10 years so have no money for lawyer, I tried legal aid and was rejected, I tried the VA but they cant help me, so unfortunately for me and probably everyone else including your honor, I need to represent myself and I really have no idea what I am doing. So I would ask the court for a little patience, explanation and time, I will do the best I can.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 01:11 AM
2

She should probably let you off the hook for some part of alimony - can her girlfriend support her or will you now be funding them both?
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/26 07:25 AM
1

Better now than when they’re teenagers. They hit their 20s, a pretty typical comment is, “we knew and wondered what took you so long!”
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 05:51 AM
3

Is the foreign country she wants to take your kid to her country? With regard to the “stay” - that’s more of a speed bump than a wall, so I wouldn’t bet too much on that. Additionally, if there’s no fear of abduction, why block the trip? It’s good for the kid.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 03:53 AM
1

Do you have your own space in the house?
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/26 10:18 AM
4

Having the talk without filing anything with the court is a threat or cry for help. Actions count, words just create conflict and drama.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/26 04:46 AM
1

Instead of WFH - get a spot at a coworking space until you decide what to do.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/26 04:44 AM
3

next delay: 'your honor, I've just been appointed to the case and need time to familiarize myself with the file before going to trial.'
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/26 04:38 AM
4

Go, listen. When asked to speak, you don't need to lie but you don't have to open up or answer any questions you're not comfortable answering. "I have serious doubts that this will work but I'm here to learn about the process and how it can help us." Couples therapist can also help break the news. Don't do anything rash. Ask about confidentiality - whether what you say to her in individual sessions will be confidential or whether it will always be shared for both of you. Spend the session discus…
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/26 04:10 AM
14

The only way I would do anything in this situation is if I knew that my action would make their relationship stronger so that I would be sure it lasted until the divorce was over. This is cool-headed, strategic me many years on - easier said than done. Let them relish in it, you’re gone on 12 Jan. Low rent is right. u/SonOfKong_
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 07:18 AM
3

Without a doubt
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 07:15 AM
–

Guidelines: Declare any affiliations. No risky clicks. Message the mods with problems on any particular comment before commenting in the comments. All rules still apply elsewhere, this is the ONLY place in the sub such content is allowed. Disclaimer: We do not have any affiliations and this thread is not an endorsement of whatever is offered here. We reserve the right to remove any comment in this thread for any reason. You engage with the commenters in this thread at your own risk.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 03:57 AM
2

I love my time now - both with and without the kids. Time with them is better because there’s no conflict with her. Time to myself is grand as I’ve always cherished it and - again - no random conflict disrupting me is amazing. When I’m missing the kids, I just plan what I’m going to do with them on my time.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 02:56 AM
2

Seems like a good deal.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 02:17 AM
4

Push this to the full extent of the law. Restraining Order, prosecution, separate civil claim - everything. She’s dangerous to you and your children. DO NOT COMMUNICATE WITH HER DIRECTLY YOU WILL SEE YOUR CHILDREN SOON ENOUGH SHE HAS ZERO LEVERAGE
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 02:10 AM
7

I don’t take joy in the downfall.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 02:07 AM
7

Love your children more than you hate your ex. Don’t weaponize the children, don’t make them think they have to choose. If you can meet these goals - whatever you both agree to tell them should be.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 04:08 PM
6

“Is this the line to lose half my shit? Sign me up!” ~ Bill Burr (back in the day comparing marriage to skydiving, if skydiving had the same success rate as marriage)
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 06:01 AM
2

You’re fine. Just follow the rules and if it starts to smell too marketingy, mods will do our thing.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 05:59 AM
1

How are Pegotty and Randall doing?
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 05:56 AM
1

Have you also analyzed under the various attachment disorders?
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 11:23 AM
6

Separation as a legal concept doesn’t always mean you have to live separately. Check your local law - beginning things like separating your finances, not having sex, not holding yourself out as married, these kinds of things often start the separation clock ticking.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 10:55 AM
3

But in my case, my ex spoke poorly to the kids of the gifts I gave her from the kids. Just an unnecessarily nasty thing to do.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 09:34 AM
5

Judge - yes.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 05:48 AM
8

You’ve said your peace. Nothing more needs to be said. She’s got some balls passively aggressively asking for money.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 05:47 AM
6

Agree with all this and would add - turn off notifications for her messages, turn off read receipts, and don’t respond to anything right away, let it wait a day if you can otherwise at least a few hours. Don’t bite on her baiting you for “urgent” or emergencies. This is the way.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 05:45 AM
8

You’ll hear a lot of takes on this but fwiw, I think you did the right thing and your expectations of nothing in return align with my experience.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 05:31 AM
4

Oh the rules to let her control the narrative …
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 11:24 AM
1

Not sure who advised you to be open with her. Telling her started the game, now you’ve got to play it. As for your own recovery, maybe this will help if you try to put a positive spin on it - but you’re in for the long haul. Please learn from this.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 05:50 AM
1

The resentment she’s built up in dealing with you may not be something she’s able to let go. Not because you’re a bad person or she doesn’t love you but because it’s too much work to unravel it all, express it all and hope you’re able to deal with it constructively. She may not even understand it as little things she’s held back have now become demons and she may even feel stupid for expressing them for fear of seeming petty - especially if she’s not generally petty person. It is a lot of work a…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 05:30 AM
1

Useless advice is not against the rules. 😂
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 05:24 AM
2

Why would you hold that with you for the rest of your life?
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 05:23 AM
3

You forgive people for yourself, not them. As for him, have you ever asked him to explain himself? See where that goes.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 05:11 AM
2

Make sure you’re using your throwaway
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 05:06 AM
3

It’s call grief, baby, seven stages coming your way! Christmas Eve is particularly shitty - what prompted that?
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 03:59 AM
2

Avoiding resentment buildup is the biggest challenge.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 03:58 AM
5

You’re no fun anymore! Damn you and your “responsibility”!
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 03:57 AM
1

Yes, it’s strange not to have full weekends. Off weekends are good too!
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 03:55 AM
1

What are her needs? Modifications can get messy if you fail to consider that. Is she open to it anyway? I hope so. Good to see you’re improving yourself!
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 08:15 PM
1

Starting to consciously speak nicely to myself was the best thing I ever did for me.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 08:09 PM
10

This sub is resoundingly anti second marriage!
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 08:04 PM
3

Anything that’s required to get the divorce decree can be entered by the judge if a party defaults. Not sure what your jurisdiction requires for a divorce with children involved. Once you serve her with notice of your motion for default, she might wake up.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 08:02 PM
3

You probably don’t need a lawyer. The problem is that in most places if you don’t pay according to the order, it doesn’t count. So “just about evens out” may get you stuck with an arrearage. Then again, maybe still not worth the hassle. But yeah, legal fees would probably put you at a financial net negative.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 07:54 PM
2

Amen.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 07:01 AM
6

This is the real stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 06:59 AM
-3

It’s emotional for sure. If you had the talk before you filed the case, then you weren’t sure anyway and jumped the gun. The process of talking to a lawyer, preparing the documentation and instructing the lawyer to file it, then waiting to have her served after/if you have “the talk” gives you appropriate thought process and off-ramps before you throw everyone into emotional turmoil is a more mature way of handling it. If you’re having second thoughts now, it means you weren’t sure despite convi…
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 06:55 AM
2

Then you can definitely afford to be more firm. You can even ask him to save the comments about your mom for his friends and other family as you don’t need to hear them.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 05:28 AM
2

Hold your ground. Ask her to stop asking. I’ve made this ultra clear with all my girlfriends over the years and not one of them has ever tried to cross the line more than once. Does she create drama in the lead up to your parenting time so you have to deal with her rather than focus on your parenting? Is she with you while you parent? Could this conflict she’s creating have a cause other than your parenting time, either her own issue or something else in the relationship? If she’s with you durin…
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 04:53 AM
6

If she’s been served she doesn’t need to participate, just default her.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 04:44 AM
2

How has the response been between this sub and the “other” sub?
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 04:16 AM
2

Bye troll.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 03:19 AM
6

Lucky to have your parents, makes rock bottom a bit softer and a good place to begin rebuilding yourself. Through no fault of your own, you’re gonna have a real shitty relationship with your daughters until they’re mid-20s. The rest is just money stuff - it’s a pretty deep hole and they’re still trying to dig it deeper for you. Sometimes the bad guys win, don’t give them the satisfaction.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 06:44 AM
1

You are a great kid for giving him some slack. Seconded!
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 04:23 AM
3

It seems he has some very deep seated insecurities / self worth issues thinking that the reason you’re seeing him is to give her time alone. As for texting your mom - that’s not really your business and your mom shouldn’t be exposing you to it. But I get it. However, raising that issue with him will feed into his insecurities and he’ll probably view you as her agent - which you shouldn’t be. His comments to you are very passive-aggressive toward both you and your mom. To your mom it’s like he’s …
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 04:21 AM
2

Conflict seeking behavior tsk tsk
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 03:14 AM
3

She either wants something or is preparing you for something. Possible that she’s done some thinking or feeling nostalgic or whatever. But who cares? Trying to divine her intentions or meaning from this is just drawing your focus away from important things and renewing the lease on that rent free space in your head. Her treatment of you should not affect your behavior or how you view her. She can be nice, nasty, whatever - you remain focused on the business of the divorce. You should enforce the…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 03:08 AM
1

When our dog died last week, she didn’t respond to me letting her know she could see him one last time before he passes. That’s not the same.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 01:24 AM
2

Well if she framed it as an excuse for past behavior, that’s fucked up.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/25 11:26 PM
9

But it’s true. That’s why the person who grieved first can be so cold to the person who it’s sprung on. Why trying to get her back doesn’t work. It’s totally unfair but it’s a helpful framework to analyze things. She got to grieve at her own pace and in her own time while we are expected to instantly grieve and let go. Not sure what’s wrong with this analysis. What did the coach say?
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/25 07:47 AM
7

Your time to grieve will come later. Now you need to compartmentalize the best you can in order to get the best deal you can. Sole custody, child support flowing to you, etc. and do it before she has some fall out with her affair partner(s) and goes back to her last option - you. Don’t force her to parent or spend time with the kids. Give her as much freedom as you can, solidfy it with the judge and then think about what’s next. If things change down the road, so be it but it will be on your ter…
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/25 05:59 AM
5

You did the right thing. Smile and make nice, not like you couldn’t gut it for another few years like most of us did. Mistakenly, in retrospect.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 06:28 AM
7

How dare you grow a spine!
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 12:23 AM
6

Remember the importance of reverse psychology - if she thinks you’ll be happier if she’s gone, she’ll find a way to stick around as your misery is her joy.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 12:22 AM
7

Yeah, I’d go. This is a pretty big olive branch. She might eventually want something in exchange or may just want to share events with the kids together. In any event, one fewer missed Christmas is worth a lot. Decide in advance when you’re going to excuse yourself, be it a time or the occurrence of an event (such as the gift opening being done) or whatever and stick to it regardless of how things “feel”. Edit: and don’t forget to thank her for thinking to include you.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 12:55 PM
6

Nope, only if you let it be so, whether through inaction or intentionally. Go to a church (believer or not, makes no difference) Google volunteering opportunities in your area Join a bowling league Get a pet and go to a place with other people who have pets (double bonus of pet company, which is awesome) Look up festivals or fairs or whatever, in your area whatever it take to get you off your moping ass and out of the house - tis the season for the fucking heartache
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 07:33 AM
1

I also miss my cat, but he’s at a cat hotel while I’m on vacation with the yutes. I can’t imagine long term alienation from my little beast.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 03:26 AM
7

In a way, she did you a favor by preparing you for this. Make sure you repay that favor by giving her hell.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 03:24 AM
1

Edit to remove the link and we will reapprove.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/25 11:58 AM
1

Fathers rights is a scam marketing schtick
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 10:55 AM
3

This initial volley is critical. Glad you’re taking it seriously. Do yourself a favor and never show her any emotion until you smile at her when the judge enters the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 10:43 AM
5

Contempt is resentment surfacing for air.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 09:03 AM
6

That’s a lot of baggage to bring to a lay.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 05:52 AM
5

“Tough love”’- thanks, babe
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 04:59 AM
16

Whatever impact you think it will have - it won’t. Once battle lines have been drawn, any fact can be rationalized away.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 04:57 AM
2

Yes. And in the meantime, we are here.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 06:56 PM
1

Ugh.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 12:26 PM
1

Can you paste the part of the judgment that explained the rationale for the best interest of the children being this outcome?
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 11:33 AM
3

You can basically hand out records subpoenas like candy on Halloween. The real fun will begin once you get the statements and she needs to explain where the money went.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 09:26 AM
1

Annoying is the right word. It's little shit, don't sweat it. Keep your eyes on the prize. Not worth the conflict - just baby step her through it until it's done and she's G-O-N-E.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 09:17 AM
2

You're under a lot of stress and it's all coming to a head. Stick it through New Year's and revisit. One day at a time, you'll still come to the same conclusion, probably - but you'll be less likely to blow everything up and make the split 10x more painful than what you're going through now. And with the cancer, realize that you're giving her the ultimate victim card to play - and play it she will.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 09:11 AM
3

No one can be their best self in their most difficult times. Just keeping it together for the basics can be tough enough. But even though we aren't are best - those time still make us better.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 09:07 AM
–

We don’t really need a weekly post on this topic.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 05:25 AM
1

100% this block her on every channel she could possibly access them. There’s really no legal issue here.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 09:49 AM
3

Cooking is a great hobby to pick up.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 07:52 AM
1

With great power comes great responsibility.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 04:40 AM
3

Lean into the grief of loss, journal your thoughts and find productive ways to fill the time. Do the work and you’ll get your life back.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 04:03 AM
1

The great migration shall begin!
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 03:12 AM
1

It took me far too long to realize that and I have since very sincerely apologized to her along with a recognition of her efforts, monumental. Between that and the booze, I was a shittier partner than I ever realized. She may never come to this realization, or it may be a long way down the road. But you have my utmost respect for what that’s worth.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 10:56 AM
1

Fuck.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 10:01 AM
1

flattery will get you everywhere
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 07:42 AM
5

It appears you’re being taken advantage of and being led down the primrose path. First, make sure the other half of the cash is not anywhere she can access it. Second, “but you said you wouldn’t do X or Y” is what you’ll be saying to her soon, and the judge won’t care. Third, there’s no obligation for you to declare to her you’re going to talk to a lawyer. Do a few initial consults (paid if necessary) with a focus on the duration and amount of alimony and child support, under various scenarios. …
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 02:09 AM
1

Ugh.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 01:55 AM
1

Ok good. You had me worried.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 01:55 AM
11

She then told me she didn’t love me and hasn’t done for 2 years, ironically after I lost my business and quit drinking. The double whammy - bad financial luck plus self improvement. Perfect storm of resentment from both sides. Good on you for staying off the sauce. We are here for you.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 01:25 AM
1

Pretty young still, but not that young! Bad decision on her part. Is she a solo?
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 01:18 AM
1

Were you present and did you pay attention during your divorce? Did you learn anything? Your mindset is a little off kilter. Post-judgment proceedings happen all the time it’s not a huge moral quandary. Play the game, focus on preparing your case and exploring solutions instead of playing victim and whining about how her scumbag is worse than your scumbag.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 01:17 AM
1

If her lawyer has a moral compass that can be influenced by you, she should be disbarred.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 01:11 AM
0

So her lawyer should have a conscience but yours doesn’t need one because you’re a saint?
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 01:01 AM
0

You clearly don’t understand the profession. Lawyers are an extension of their clients whose primary responsibility is to use their knowledge, skills and experience to achieve their clients’ goals, within the bounds of LEGAL ethics, not some ethical framework you impose on the situation. Lawyers are basically trained to be amoral agents - this is what makes it a profession. Believe me, you wouldn’t want it any other way despite what you may be thinking and feeling now. Would the system be better…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 01:00 AM
3

I don’t question her new lawyer’s ethics, I question her intellect. I’m hesitant to be Lawyer #2, lawyer #3 hard pass 99% of the time. But lawyer #4? I’d surrender my license and get my head examined. She’s probably inexperienced and doesn’t know better - I bet your wife can spin a pretty good yarn. The real question is who will be lawyer #5!
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 12:49 AM
2

As the ADHD parent, thank you for being the consistent one.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 05:28 PM
1

This case is not typical. In 20 years I’ve only come across a few similar fact patterns and would expect any good lawyer would tell your father that they would need to look into his case further before giving him an opinion, which costs money. Don’t know where you are but in an average US state it would probably cost around 1,500 dollars, give or take, to get a written opinion. In a major metropolitan area, maybe double that.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 05:24 PM
2

You’re asking the right questions. I’m not sure about the enforceability of the judgment after all this time, which is another question you should ask. Additionally, all of the monetary value should have been set at the time the divorce was filed or the judgment was entered 17 years ago. So her taking half of the “now” value seems like a non-starter. In this kind of case, you need to insist on a written legal opinion (which he will need to pay for) rather than just initial consultations.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 02:07 PM
2

Assume the ring is hers, along with the stones. If you want it or the stones back, you’ll have to negotiate with her. Don’t be bitchy or whiney about it and timing is important. The price might be steep depending on her mood so set your walkaway point before you ask. Won’t she give them to your kids anyway? Edit: even better, wait until she asks you for something you’re not obligated to do or give her, then propose the trade.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 05:32 AM
2

Fortunately, dogs are property under the law. I’d draw up a contract of sale between you and your parents, for some small amount of money and then carry on with your plan. Not sure the concocted story is necessary, and it will create more conflict in the divorce but so be it - you’re doing the right thing for the dogs. Frankly, putting them down would be more humane than what she’s trying to do.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 05:27 AM
1

This is precisely the type of behavior that will get you primary custody.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 05:01 AM
1

The very definition of the grind.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 01:44 AM
3

Taking my kids to Japan for a week! (Live in Bangkok so it’s not that far).
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 01:40 AM
2

She was more pissed that my father moved on and was living a good life. This usually plays a big part. She must have been in a lot of pain.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 09:04 AM
1

Are you on ok terms with their mom? If so you can coordinate. If not, yeah, just say Santa made a special trip. If they believe in Santa, they’ll believe a lot of BS - that’s what makes it a great age. But if they start telling their friends at school, could be a problem.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 03:33 AM
2

This sounds a bit shy of settled. And if child support is the outside of guidelines the judge may adjust. Tread carefully here. Nothings over until the judge stamps it. Additionally, she may be barred from modifying child support for a year or two depending on your state so revisiting it march may not be an option, plus the court will flag that in the agreement if they see it unless it’s subject to an annual adjustment after yearly discourses maybe.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 03:19 AM
14

Her expenses are being financed by her wealthy father. It’s not about the money. She don’t need his money. It’s about hurting and punishing him and probably about needing to “win”. Downsides of marrying a rich, spoiled daddy’s girl.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 03:07 AM
13

Ask the court to award you legal fees, every time. Other than that, this is not a legal problem. It’s a “daddy’s gonna buy you a mocking bird” problem. What is the age when your kid can speak for themselves in your state? That’ll probably be the last time she pulls this.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 03:06 AM
1

I don't recommend anyone to go through a divorce without a lawyer. But people do. It seems to me you're assuming a very high level of amicability and cooperation, you might want to dial that back before you have some actual information from her. You haven't mentioned about kids or her employment status - if she's equally employed with you and you have no kids, then you're just dividing stuff and money. If she's not equally employed with you, you're probably on the hook for alimony so don't forge…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 06:56 AM
3

in the end, not really that much but it's better to be the one who files in most instances. If she doesn't want to divorce and you force the issue, get ready for some pain.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 06:53 AM
1

As a lawyer, I will say 100% you should talk to more than one. Also bear in mind that the initial consult is a sales pitch more than anything else if it’s free. Don’t necessarily go with the lawyer you “like”, go with one you can work with, one who can deal with your wife’s personality (and/or one she will respect or fear), and one who has an excellent litigation track record but is settlement focused (this will reduce the shenanigans from the other lawyer). She will inevitably pick the one she …
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 02:32 AM
6

If you’ve made the decision, you should file before you have “the talk” and ask her to accept service at the house so you don’t have to send it to her work. You never know how someone will react to this news, so it better to have something filed in case she goes ballistic. I’ve also seen people pretend they want reconciliation to delay the other one from filing and then they file first or fake some DV, etc. If your decision is final, then act like it is. Don’t pussyfoot around.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 02:25 AM
4

Why would you encourage her to improve her behavior before trial? You should be handing her shovels, not helping her out of the hole she’s digging. Get your mindset right, bro.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 11:24 AM
8

First of all, she's 4, so if you're taking it personally - don't. She's doing this because it's what she thinks will make her safe and her mom happy. It's a sign of something going on with your ex, for sure. And if your ex isn't correcting her, or helping to fix the issue, it's better you don't do activities jointly as it probably puts your daughter in distress.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 04:06 AM
0

if complaining about you to another dude gets her off ...
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 03:58 AM
1

Didn’t she know that doing this would only make your buddies mock you relentlessly for the remainder of your natural life?
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 03:29 AM
8

She should be bitching about you to her girlfriends, not dudes. What does she have to say for herself?
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 03:05 AM
3

Divorces without lawyers are a lot more feasible when it’s on the “amicable” part of the conflict scale. If it’s contested the chance she’ll lawyer up if she’s unhappy anywhere in the process is high. Then you may need to do the same, and you might be stuck with bad paperwork in the court. I’d suggest not filing anything until you are pretty much agreed.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/25 06:02 AM
4

If you can afford it, go for it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/25 05:58 AM
2

I keep forgetting I’m old.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 02:05 PM
4

Biz Markie said it best
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 07:31 AM
1

Hope is a killer in these situations
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 02:32 PM
4

She's cold, she chose alcohol and not getting help. She will always choose alcohol.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 01:41 PM
6

If she’s intent on making it painful, then get to trial as soon as possible. Make a fair settlement offer that: (1) expires within a timeframe; (2) clearly communicates that a better offer will never come; and (3) indicates you have no fear of going to trial. Don’t chase and beg for settlement, it only prolongs your agony. You can either send your kids to college or the lawyers’ kids to college. And work like the dickens to build your case.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 01:13 PM
3

Thanks, we’ll look into it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 10:40 AM
4

Tell us more.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 10:16 AM
1

This is the best possible result for some lawyers.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 08:58 AM
7

I’ve got no problem with OP getting the best possible result by hook or by crook, but thinking he’s getting some major leg up by “ambushing” her - when he’s probably just going to piss her off and make her fight harder - is a problem.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 04:54 AM
2

100% - nailed it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 04:52 AM
1

For sure - if this actually goes to hearing before March/April I’d be pretty surprised.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 04:50 AM
5

Did your lawyer advise you she won’t have time to prepare and fight back?
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 01:26 AM
8

My unit getting pinched in the revolving door I installed in my bedroom.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 11:21 AM
1

This is us!
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 03:09 AM
1

Ha! We are on the same page.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 01:31 PM
2

Sole/full custody (in the U.S. at least) is nearly impossible to achieve without the right facts or one side giving it up willingly. I’m not sure of the level of verbal abuse you’re talking about but that, without more, is going to be difficult unless it’s extreme. And if it’s extreme, there’s usually underlying psychological issues that accompany it and actually drive the decision. Verbal abuse is the symptom, in other words. “More” are things like diagnosed psyche issues, substance abuse, negl…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 01:29 PM
–

I dunno about that. My buddy's paramour did exactly that. Not even an attempt to blackmail him. He tried to end it and she went straight to the wife, then went public. But it's rare - i'll agree with you there.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 08:08 AM
6

Going away quietly, following her wishes and not tugging on heart strings is the best thing you can do for her. For once, make it not about you. Just go.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 06:39 AM
–

Keep it civil, gentlemen. Accountability is one thing but if you can’t provide support, don’t post.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 05:17 AM
2

I think seeking some level of validation from a partner is normal and natural - when we don’t receive it, it hurts and it’s hard to understand. Understanding why men don’t get the level of validation they expect or even none at all when they do good things like self improvement is worth exploring. I don’t see how anything you write has anything to do with my point.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 02:49 AM
2

Fair point
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 02:45 AM
3

You married a very tolerant and kind person. The fact she’s still offering you a settlement is evidence of that. Hopefully the kids share her benevolence. Really sounds like you’re pushing your luck with this next go around though. The court ordered you not to touch those funds for that purpose and you did, doesn’t seem like you have much of a defense to contempt. And the chances of the court hitting you with alimony, repayment of the funds, etc. I bet her lawyer made her sign a paper that she w…
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 01:53 PM
2

But you can work on yourself. You can fix your communication. You can show up better. None of that matters if she’s already decided she’s the victim in the story she’s been rewriting. I sort of agree with that criteria for when your self-improvement stops mattering - I mean it’s definitely one situation. But I don’t think it even needs to get that far before it stops mattering. Sometimes I feel that if you make her revisit any of her assumptions / views about you - it doesn’t matter. Also, if yo…
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 01:43 PM
2

Each Party shall notify the other Party of the two consecutive weeks of summer vacation time they intend to exercise on or before x of that year. In odd years, Mother shall select first. In even years, Father shall select first. Once notified, the Party not selecting first will notify the other Party of their selected weeks within x days of being notified by the Party selecting first. The Party not selecting first shall not choose a two consecutive week period that either ends or begins within s…
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 01:27 PM
7

I’d lose it at the zoo.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 01:04 PM
3

How did your relationship fail? You determined she wasn't good for you or your kid and ended it - that's not a fail, that's a win - at worst, an end. Do you consider winning getting married again? Ugh. No. Take risks, get rejected - and reject. Don't attach any real importance in your life on someone you haven't had at least a few dates with. As for the apps - meh. It's the way of the world and it's kinda stupid - but dating in the modern age has always been kind of stupid.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 10:26 AM
5

Worn out? Done in? At your breaking point? Given up? Don't file for divorce on emotion or at a low point. Plan, plot, strategize. Disengage, compartmentalize, then make a decision. Also, holidays suck - let them pass.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 10:21 AM
6

Cheers to the good days and better days ahead! For the bad ones, we’ll still be around for you.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 02:52 AM
3

codependent Codependency is a real motherfucker - keep up the work, so easy to backslide
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 02:50 AM
2

Vent away. Give that woofer some extra treats.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 02:49 AM
4

Taking the high road is not the same as being a good person. This is shitty, ignorant advice.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 02:43 AM
5

Glad this trainwreck is in the rear view mirror. I don’t see any harm in looking at her social media unless you start getting thoughts of taking her back. Better to just erase it all from your life, though.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 02:42 AM
1

Yep, OP is a repeat player now. Not stuck with one person forever in every conversation.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 03:18 PM
5

Easy, then avoid dates where conversation is the focus. Mini golf, bowling, anything like that. If you can cooperate or compete in an activity, then the conversation will come naturally.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 03:17 PM
11

Support her pursuing employment in every possible way.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 03:15 PM
3

Fight to achieve whatever access you can garner, then make the most of it. Or end up bankrupt and broken. Document your fight for him so when the time is right he can see for himself what his mother did to pry him away from you. Until then, you may just need to take the L and focus on your career and making the best of the time you can get. No one tells you this downside of marrying a rich girl.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 08:33 AM
9

So, I have made the decision to leave in February, 2026. I want to get through the holidays, a couple of birthdays in January, and then break the news. Fully support you and your decision. Possible that she goes on a weekend trip and you’re gone when she gets back? Better to have any discussion after the deed is done.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 07:53 AM
2

Seems like about 90% are doing way better 5 years on.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 07:34 AM
4

Explore how she’s feeling without using the D word or discussing separating. Your approach will vary based upon what you find about about her.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 07:33 AM
5

Your kid is an adult? Let your wife know that you know and that if she gives you a good divorce, you won’t rat her out to your son. Get the divorce, then rat her out to your son. I’m adopted and who I thought was my biological half sister ended up being the product of an affair which we found out from dna tests. Her relationship with my biological father, who raised her, was actually strengthened through the reveal. But your son has a right to know - especially for health history, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 01:55 AM
1

If you’re ok with her banging whoever she wants for the rest of your marriage - reconcile. Otherwise, get out. Frankly, hiding behind religion to find ways to keep this evil in your life is pretty disturbing. And thinking you can lead her back to Christ is pretty arrogant. She’s chosen her path, and you seem like you want to walk down it with her.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 01:35 AM
1

Sounds like she’s in depression.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 01:29 AM
7

You did something ill advised to get out of a painful situation. Divorce should not leave to you financially ruined forever. If you’re paying above guidelines, then seek an order to modify. Then sock some of what you save away for their future, that will be the greatest service to them. Just know your ex will absolutely paint you with whatever brush she can. But you know what, she would anyway. Strategically, you need to decide how to approach it. Sometimes seeking a custody/visitation modificat…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 01:18 AM
12

lying her stupid bitch ass off. Living her truth bro 😅
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 05:17 AM
3

So if she gets you on fake DV charges your alimony should double?
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 05:15 AM
3

10+ years as a SAHM - you’re paying. Where do you see the legal link between DV and alimony?
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 01:46 AM
4

Fellow 50er here - my first holidays alone were halfway around the world from my parents and sister. You’re living the definition of a transition right now. I’ve found a lot of satisfaction in charity work. Keeps me busy during that depressive amount of downtime, feels good and does good. But that was then, now life is really damn good. And still doing charity work.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 01:37 AM
2

First divorce or first Thanksgiving alone? 😅
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 01:32 AM
2

hint: it's about child support not custody
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 07:13 AM
6

Don’t forget this pain. Don’t let her weasel you out of anything. Go in strong and confident. Show her the new you that you may have not quite found yet, but who you can imagine yourself to be.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 07:11 AM
1

Wtf
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 01:16 PM
1

Emotional infidelity is covered in the prenup? Don’t fucking take the bait. This is a no-fault divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 01:16 PM
3

I once represented a client in court on an emergency motion to handover an heirloom turkey pan on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. 3,000 dollars later she had her turkey pan. The discussion in chambers was unpleasant. Don’t be that client.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 12:42 PM
7

Gaslighting - an overused term that applies correctly to what she’s doing to you. If you can’t successfully engage with her verbally, then don’t argue. Just say “That’s incorrect.” “I disagree.” “That’s not the way I see it.” “That’s not true.” And don’t explain yourself, you’re not required to. Initially she will be very frustrated and escalate, hopefully not physically. Eventually she will realize that she can’t get her fix of whatever her brain receives by tying you up in knots anymore. In th…
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 09:24 AM
5

Do whatever it takes to get the divorce finalized then do whatever you want. If you haven’t turned off all her notifications or muted her or whatever, that was an effective middle ground for me as I didn’t get ping every time she had an issue. Don’t be under any illusions of getting satisfaction or closure or admissions or taking of any responsibility from her, don’t blame her, take whatever blame you can handle because it doesn’t matter. Be pragmatic to get to the finish line then sanitize her …
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 08:20 AM
3

That sounds like a blast - cheers to that tradition!
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 03:45 AM
3

Could you at least pretend to suffer? I’m sure she’d appreciate it. Well, no she wouldnt.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 02:08 PM
1

Mine was OCD level - I was th problem even though it shouldn’t have been a problem
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 01:55 PM
5

Engages in self improvement Likes to cook Drinks sometimes Decent libido Can sit down and work on a budget Explores rather than immediately shoots down any ideas, plans, etc. Believes in treating male and female children similarly in terms of responsibility and gifts, or at least not blatantly favoring one gender (in my case boys could do no wrong and sister was a maid) Engages in recreational/competitive sports
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 01:54 PM
1

If it’s arbitrary maybe wait until after Christmas if your son is coming home. Other than that - GTFO! We’re here for you
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 04:13 AM
1

Like a legal separation before the court (or some legal avenue) or just a private agreement? If the former - might be difficult to change too much. If the latter - probably can fight a lot more for you and your future.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 04:12 AM
1

Perfect is the enemy of good.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/25 12:02 PM
–

Feel free to message the mods with their usernames so we can ban them as they often slip into the comments sections.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/25 12:00 PM
1

Not divorce related.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 03:56 AM
4

You’re good enough. You’re smart enough. And gosh darnit, people like you.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 03:54 AM
2

Bitchy? Passive aggressive? Are those better? You’ve survived and escaped the trauma of a relationship with someone you claim has borderline personality disorder and got exclusive possession of the house. Where does packing and moving her shit register on the scale of other shit you’ve dealt with? 0.00000001 I would guess. If it’s more than that, then the rest of the story is suspect. You’ve spent all this time, money and effort to extract her from your life - but this is your hang up? Just get …
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 10:44 AM
2

This is the way.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 10:35 AM
1

There is no escape from this being a problem. So which kind of problem do you want? Her poking around the house or her complaining something is missing if you pack it? For me it would be the latter. But then I think why should I have to move her crap? Please keep this sentiment to yourself, it frankly seems kind of babyish and petty.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 10:21 AM
10

I wore a tuxedo to mine. If I was going to be impotent, might as well look important. #BadumTsh
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 08:38 AM
–

Removed and locked. Don't violate the rules.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 07:04 AM
2

Rolling Meadows or Daley Center? GALs are really hit and miss, they're just family law attorneys that put on a different hat from time to time, at least in Illinois. So maybe he knows your wife's lawyer really well or maybe he's banging your wife. Who knows. What does your lawyer say? Who actually pays his invoice, you or your wife?
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 07:00 AM
1

For sure
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 04:15 AM
5

Wow bro - this is a lot of super heavy stuff. Just gotta triage. I would have trouble forgiving the wife for dumping this on me at a super low point. Someone willing to do that does not have their heart in the right place. Get clinical and strategic on that front, give her the divorce and get the best financial deal you can. Her going may be painful but her there dragging you down when you got some other major shit to deal with is like swimming with an anchor around your neck. Focus on your bro …
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 04:12 AM
10

It’s called grief, my boy. Lean in and get through it - super strong start. Leverage your support.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 01:52 PM
2

Seems like you’re in good hands. Sorry she’s acting this way but hopefully it will benefit you by the end of the case.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 08:36 AM
9

Have you always found your purpose to be focused on women? Specifically your partners? I’m guessing not. Additionally, you’re still somewhere in the grieving process, which is normal, so the marriage mindset is still your default and tough to shake without consciously attending to it. Once that fog is burnt off, or at least begins to lift, you’ll realize that she has given you something more than she has taken away. Who were you before her? What did you aspire to do? Who did you want to be? Wher…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 01:49 AM
4

How fucking disrespectful of the court can she possibly be? And for her lawyer to even file that as an emergency … did she get assessed for your legal fees?
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 01:28 AM
2

I love the smell of napalm in the morning
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 02:08 PM
1

Should experiment with divorce as experimenting (of this sort) and testing within a relationship is not healthy.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 08:28 AM
3

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your Honor ...
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 04:50 AM
5

What did she state in the motion was the reason for the emergency? Her bad planning is not an emergency - I hope the court tells her and her attorney this
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 03:08 AM
2

Divorce lawyers should have to educate their clients on how to use the lawyer correctly. Inexperience with lawyers plus an emotionally charged environment is a really bad combination. My short course: I’m not your therapist. It’s probably not an emergency. You can either put your own kids through college or mine.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 01:03 PM
–

No "should I get married" posts. Read the rules.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 07:38 AM
1

Did you and your stbx settle it or did the lawyers?
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 04:36 AM
3

My first legal boss had me work on a case where the eccentric (i.e. crazy with money) client was trying to trademark the sun and then charge royalties to every country on earth for using the sun's rays. When I told my boss "He can't do that, you told him that, right?" My boss said, "It's his money, he can do what he wants with it." Young, stupid me thought that meant the answer to my question was "Yes." It was not. A few months later, my same boss deposited a cashier's check into the common clie…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 04:32 AM
13

Tired of being strong. That hits hard. With you, brother.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 02:53 AM
1

Good question. You basically have three options: Ukraine, Georgia (country) or the State in the USA where you are residing. The primary consideration is whether Ukraine will recognize the divorce. Second is whether the place you will get the divorce will have jurisdiction over your marriage and you as people. Most U.S. States have a residency period before you can file of 3, 6, 12 months - it just depends on the State. A lot of States have a 'Joint Simplified Divorce' or similar procedure which …
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/25 08:12 AM
15

I'll show you out.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/25 08:07 AM
3

If it's non-modifiable alimony, an arrearage will stack up with interest. Depending on the State, there could also be criminal/contempt/imprisonment issues. There may be cases where you could file for termination of alimony. If it's modifiable, then you need to file a petition with the court to modify it - the modification will NOT be retroactive and if you're lucky (i.e. in the right state with the right judge), you can get the modification to be effective from the date you file. What have you …
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/25 08:06 AM
2

"What would the court do?" should be the starting point of your own analysis. If you're doing better than that, good, if not - very bad. You're extraordinarily lucky she's working, probably the worst thing she could have done for herself legally. What happens to her earning potential when she gets her LCSW? I hope that's also part of the discussion.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/25 07:55 AM
3

Provided your interest in the home is not affected by moving out - with a 17 year old kid, the custody impacts will be minimal. Practically, if your meager presence is an annoyance to her - then tell her you'll move everything out the moment the court pronounces the divorce to keep some leverage. There is a lot of lore online about "never leaving the house" primarily focused on the concept of "abandonment" of the residence and losing your marital property interest - in states where this is even …
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/25 07:46 AM
1

Everything gets smaller in the rearview mirror. And the guilt let's you know you're not a sociopath - so that's good.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 08:41 AM
4

If it wasn't that it would be something less convenient or more "complicated" - hey, at least menopause isn't "our fault"
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 07:57 AM
2

Or worse, parenting in conflict - it's worse than no time sometimes.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 06:55 AM
2

Well, it will definitely come around again in her 20s, probably, so maintaining, building, repairing and patching whatever is there is still important so the stage is set for that. But this is a difficult time to maintain a close relationship, much less build one.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 06:50 AM
3

My buddy's got a teenage kid as well - you need to chalk up a serious amount of the frustration or lack of closeness to her just being a teenager, not just the divorce. That was his "a-ha" moment - my kid is being a dick because he's a teenager and he would hate me right now anyway. Other than that - my daughter is 17 but we've always been close. I buy her random jewelry, watch what she's watching on netflix, take her to as nice of dinners as I can muster when she has time, give her some cash he…
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 06:47 AM
1

If you fight it could be like 6 months but hopefully less, and better by agreement. depending on your state’s laws any reduction may or may not be retroactive to the date of filing but you probably still need to keep paying during the proceedings. You can’t file until your income changes in every place I’m aware of.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 05:33 AM
2

Holidays always stir up issues and emotions. And how “bad” your timing is, is directly proportional to your legal fees. Best to avoid proximity to your anniversary, holidays, birthdays - any date to which she can attribute significance. Another reason to wait is that courts basically don’t get anything done for the last two weeks and first two weeks of each year. So if you file now, you will just have to sit there idling until Mid-January most likely or even later depending how busy the court is…
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/25 07:46 AM
1

Subpoena her bank and then if she doesn’t transfer it, just count it as a joint asset and attribute more debt to her or less assets.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/25 07:23 AM
6

Get as much time as you can, fight for it and fight for them so when they come to you 10 years down the road after having told you they hate you, you're satan, and making you feel horrible - they'll be able to see the truth and rebuild the relationship - and in the process develop a boderline hatred level resentment for their mother's selfishness and lies.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/25 02:29 AM
1

That's good then in your case - many times it's non-modifiable Usually you would file a petition to modify alimony (and child support if applicable) on the basis of your changed income. Provided it has been longer than any legal waiting period (sometimes 2 years), then you go through the process of reviewing financials, etc. Depending on your relationship with your ex (And even if it's bad) you may want to give her a heads up that its coming and give her some time to process it before filing to …
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/25 02:27 AM
11

How many roads must a man walk down Before you call him a man? How many seas must a white dove sail Before she sleeps in the sand? Yes, and how many times must the cannonballs fly Before they're forever banned? The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind The answer is blowin' in the wind
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/25 12:11 AM
1

Greetings from Bangkok!
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/25 11:54 PM
1

Were you both unfaithful? Not clear from your wording. At this point why not take the viciousness out of the cycle rather than divorce. Set some new boundaries and see if that works.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/25 06:30 AM
6

And thats the end of that chapter …
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/25 06:27 AM
1

Is your alimony modifiable?
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/25 06:10 AM
3

Listen to your solicitor
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/25 06:09 AM
9

No matter what you do - I hope this is a burner account ….
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/25 04:27 AM
4

Yeah - this she’s gonna play the Uno Reverse card
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/25 04:24 AM
4

Now you’ve given her the idea. “I was going to call you first.” Isn’t helpful
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/25 04:23 AM
1

Oh you’re in the DR - ok, see if you can get the police to issue an interpol yellow notice on your kid Also ping the US embassy, they’re typically useless but may provide some assistance in these circumstances
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/25 04:21 AM
1

Make sure you preserve all electronic evidence with screen shots
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/25 04:15 AM
3

The Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of Parental Abduction is in force between the Dominican Republic and USA. Go to the US state department to begin taking action. Additionally, it’s probably a crime in whatever state you’re from so file a police report for abduction. The passport is not your property, it’s property of the U.S. government so that won’t be helpful in the end. However, you can also enroll his passport in the state department system. It would seem the risk of reabduction to a…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/25 03:08 AM
4

Just hurts everyone all around. So long as you were there and they have that time and those memories, you definitely were a net positive in their lives.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 07:44 AM
1

It’s just really hard to get the “if I focus on myself maybe we will work out” out of my head, because it’s clearly not what she wants. It takes time. Believe whatever your brain and heart are making you believe but the sooner you act in accordance with reality, the better off you will be.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 09:56 AM
1

Most men are not effective advocates for themselves in a divorce
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 09:51 AM
3

“What did you do?” Is often used in a joking sense but it sure doesn’t feel like a joke when you’re in the shit.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 02:21 AM
5

Understandable. The line between camaraderie and unhealthy commiseration is pretty blurry, not to mention that all the slow motion trainwrecks constantly popping up can be alluring. There’s always some level of help in hearing other stories and especially the helpful comments. If you can maintain focus on your situation and how to manage/improve/solve some of the issues and seeking support from the community, the benefit probably outweighs the cost. But try unplugging for a few days and journali…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 11:20 PM
5

Good bunch over there.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 11:07 PM
6

She is our rebound. We do not marry or quasi-marry our rebounds. Repeat this out loud 100x every morning.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 02:30 AM
7

He also told me that he’s purchasing a vehicle for my son’s sister. So you were “the other guy” for her dad? Bro, please. But what your son said should sting. I’d explore that a bit with him though because he can’t really mean it in the way you’re taking it and it sounds. It also seems like something his mom might have been putting him up to. He’s your son, talk to him about it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 02:19 AM
5

Everyone should have this kind of friend. We're going to hang more often again now that I have more time. As this friend, and what I will never say to my friends going through a divorce who need me - control yourself, don’t bring it up every time you see him, limit yourself to only a few minutes on this topic. If something big drops, sure an exception. But it is draining being the emotional dumping ground for divorcing friends. And I’ve distanced myself after the divorce because I needed to reco…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 09:02 AM
13

You didn’t lose the kids, you got less time than you deserved and have to pay more money. It’s a huge let down, devastating at the moment, but you’ll just do what you can to make the absolute best of the time you have with them and go back for more time if there is a change in circumstances or after the waiting period (1-2 years usually). Believe it or not, this time you have now for yourself can become a financial windfall and a great time of memory creation.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 06:59 AM
9

She has free legal and he has none. The ostrich approach will end up putting him in the deepest possible hole. Loan him the retainer for a good lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 01:19 PM
3

You should always work on yourself. 40s are great years. In terms of women, figure out what you're looking for and avoid falling into a serious relationship quickly. Reject and be rejected. Once you get through a few of those, you will have more clarity.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 12:36 AM
10

Sex is like coffee - appreciate a really good cuppa but drink swill if needed.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 12:24 AM
1

oh man ...
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 12:23 AM
6

Prepare for the fight of your life. Showing weakness now is the worst possible move. Hire a mean bitch of an attorney, will be cheaper in the long run.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 12:41 PM
3

Humans learn through failure. One would think - but I’m quite resistant
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 09:01 AM
5

Respect for the try! After the fifth time it doesn’t feel as bad.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 09:00 AM
1

Well, maybe one day you’ll become a learned soul. Today, is not that day.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 08:58 AM
2

Have you figured out how it’s all your fault yet?
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 05:45 AM
1

Good luck and Godspeed
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 04:02 AM
3

You probably should be. Not for her but so you can get through this with one less roadblock. Additionally, showing her you’re hurt may be gratifying to her.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 03:57 AM
8

If you’re a stay at home dad trying to divorce a breadwinner - you can get some great tips there.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 11:26 AM
6

Run fast and far. Once this is in the rear-view mirror, you’ll come back and realize this post as a tempest in a teapot. 30s are prime years, don’t waste another one.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 02:36 AM
1

You don't have a lawyer?
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 07:49 AM
5

Why are you sad? Losing her? How she’s behaving? Her happiness? Some combination? Understand the roots of your sadness, then work on each strand separately.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 06:11 AM
3

Yep, no more carrots until she respects the stick
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 06:08 AM
–

Translation: Me (m36) and my wife (f37) have been married for 9 years and we are parents of a 2 and a half year old girl. Before the birth of my daughter everything was going well but since my daughter was born my wife has gone into a delirium where her life boils down only to the attention she has for our daughter. After the birth she forced me to sleep in the friend's room so that she could sleep with the little one. I've been there for almost three years. I communicated that it bothered me bu…
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 03:14 AM
4

Expensive but effective - go back to direct communications when/if it’s convenient for you.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 03:11 AM
3

Holidays are celebrated on the days you have them, not strictly according to the calendar.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 07:37 AM
4

Self improvement by men in a marriage is always problematic. At the least it goes unrecognized, unappreciated and unacknowledged. There is no “good job” or “pat on the back” or “I’m proud of you for putting in the work”. At the darker end of things, it backfires and brings more resentment, anger or whatever. I wish I knew why. It’s almost like they grew comfortable in thinking bad about you for whatever problem you had and then when that was gone, the facts were no longer there to justify the ba…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 07:10 AM
10

If you don’t care enough about yourself to affirmatively ask for the help and support you need from family and friends, then that’s where you need to start. But outside of that close circle, yep - no one cares.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 07:05 AM
1

Then don’t be one.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 03:50 AM
1

Next on “How I Divorced Your Mother” 😂
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 01:44 AM
2

You are welcome here. If our failures and experiences can help you find ways to keep the marriage, all the better, if you learn that you need to divorce her, also an outcome.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 01:43 AM
1

He is welcome, don’t be a dick.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 01:41 AM
2

Sound advice
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 01:41 AM
16

Why didn’t you just ask her to pick up some fucking eggs on the way home instead of acting … well … like my ex wife by dropping hints instead of saying what you want
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 01:32 AM
1

Treat yourself nicely, talk to your self nicely. You can be your own worst enemy or your own best friend. Your future self will appreciate the latter.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 08:55 AM
1

You must live in a warm place!
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 08:52 AM
2

success stories are critical to the community, hope baby - we need it
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 08:51 AM
2

We appreciate you too, brother. Glad we can all commiserate, celebrate, congregate, contemplate and conflagrate together.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 08:50 AM
14

She has rejected the kindest offer she will ever get and that anyone she ever knows in a divorce will ever get. Get on with the business of the divorce. Compartmentalize as best you can. Never show her another emotion. Treat this as the zero sum business transaction she thinks she wants. Tomorrow she meets a new you. This is the only way.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 06:48 AM
2

Can't count the number of posts I've saved over the years. It's different for everyone and the same for everyone at the same time.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 05:06 AM
2

after the divorce - OK - before the divorce - not OK (but it happens)
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 04:44 AM
9

A cute mom from my kids’ school approached me Good for you but don't go there. FAFO territory, plus major red flags on that kind of approach. Enjoy the win but move your search to somewhere outside that gossipfest.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 04:43 AM
1

no opinion on intro-ing to the girlfriend - but damn, that's a tight kid grouping!
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 02:11 AM
–

Cheers to reaching that light at the end of the tunnel!
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 02:09 AM
4

Decisions have consequences. Everyone makes mistakes during a divorce and some are nearly impossible to recover from. No matter which decision you make, it will be held against you. If you run, she will chase you down. If you stay, you'll be manipulated. Your son will be further turned against you no matter what. It's a no-win situation. I guess there may be some solace in the fact that every child grows up and when they do and realize you're not who they were told you were, there's a good chanc…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 02:03 AM
1

Well, I'm sorry you're in this hole. I really hope you can dig out and get meaningful time with your kids. It must be difficult not to see them.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 01:55 AM
1

So you’ve affirmatively done nothing, just waited for her TRO to be heard and now still doing nothing. You should be instructing your attorney. If you don’t have money to pay them, that’s one thing but this passive behavior is not helping you.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 01:06 AM
2

Ouch but perhaps true …
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 02:20 AM
2

So what. Battle lines have been drawn. Once it’s over, maybe there can be something but during this time they’re behaving as they should.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 02:19 AM
1

She can’t do this - what does the school say?
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 02:14 AM
2

How you have let this go for six months is astounding to me.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 02:13 AM
4

I feel sad for your son.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 10:23 PM
1

Sorry don’t know anyone down there
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 07:02 AM
2

Unless there are real grounds requiring your visitation to be supervised, it’s universally a mistake to agree to it because it sets the stage for finding you to be incapable, unfit or a risk to the children. If there are solid grounds to require it, then you’ll probably have to eat it for some period of time, provided that there are clear milestones for the condition of supervision to be relaxed and eliminated over time. But if it’s not necessary, avoid it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 03:06 AM
1

Which county?
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 03:03 AM
3

Any engagement with CPS will turn into a nightmare. If you don’t have a lawyer, you better get one.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 03:02 AM
7

Say yes to get to get through the divorce then do whatever you want. You have no obligation to be open and honest with her about this kind of thing. You have an obligation to yourself to get through this as best and quickly as you can.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 09:03 PM
2

Man, that’s rough. I love having a lot of time with my kids but I also like that deep breath after I drop them off. Hope you have family or some support in your quest.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 07:59 AM
5

Worst kept secret ever, if there’s no legal impact, I’d let it go and just be laughing inside every time she has to dance around it
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 07:53 AM
2

Please keep your dignity and self respect and don't beg for her to come back. 1000 times this ... but much easier said than done
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 03:35 AM
2

Fight hard, cooperate only as strictly necessary with the CPS, or as your lawyer recommends. She’s going to regret involving these crazy people in your children’s lives. Buckle in for a long wild ride and fight like hell.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 01:05 PM
3

Nope, this is from my own experience and overestimating a new partner when you’ve come out of a really bad situation appears to be common. Just adding some advice I thought of upon reading OP’s title and post.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 11:33 PM
12

Self promoting “coaches” who try to exploit our community for personal financial gain are NOT welcome. GFYS.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 04:24 PM
2

All the more reason. It won’t hurt her to know this, she’ll probably laugh.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 03:49 PM
9

Sounds like she’s in the drivers seat as though she has the right to make you leave the house and deny you access to your children. If you don’t fight you will lose, then just blame “the system”. Mediation is not the solution for her denying you access - you need to get into court and get access.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 01:34 PM
2

I hope she never knows.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 01:15 PM
17

Post divorce - don’t mistake “relatively normal, functional and caring” for “amazing”
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 12:18 PM
4

Maybe too late for an annulment, but worth looking into. The divorce can take longer than the marriage if she’s not ok with it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 01:30 AM
10

This is part of the standard playbook these days - they’re hoping to trigger you into any sort of argument or altercation then get a DV charge against you to get you out of the house and put you into a nice big hole to dig yourself out of (or deeper into). Keep your cool, keep your distance, get a good lawyer and fight for your kids. Don’t accept some bullshit unfair temporary orders. That’s what they’re gunning for now.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 05:50 PM
3

Probably have a decent shot
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 03:27 PM
11

Now you can give them money directly, voluntarily and with conditions - that’s a much better deal
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 02:13 AM
5

if that's her label for you and it gives her something to focus on, fine. Just do what you need to do to get the best deal you can muster.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 11:14 AM
16

Nothing good comes of having “the talk” - you should be prepared to file, having met with a lawyer already, at least. Otherwise, you are just starting a fire without any way to put it out.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/25 09:39 PM
4

Dog is property under the law. But dog custody battles happen all the time. Get another dog, not worth the fight. All dogs are awesome.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 03:32 PM
-1

It’s you, not them. You must talk about it way too much. Go to each of these people and apologize, thank them for their support, demonstrate to them that you are now self-aware enough to know you were “oversharing” - then see what they say. It will go a long way towards keeping them on board.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 03:30 PM
1

This is how it should be done.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 03:27 PM
4

Guess I will follow suit later this year for her bday. I don’t have the kids recognize her birthday and holidays like Mother’s Day for her, I do it for them, so they see an example of civility, politeness and basic fucking manners. I get nothing and expect nothing in return.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 03:23 PM
8

Conflict seeking to the max
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 02:39 PM
3

Mostly accurate title in my experience But life is also a lot harder. Joint custody of a four-year-old means a ton of hands-on childcare. I get to spend much more time with her than I used to, and I’m so grateful for that — but it’s exhausting. There’s no help, no backup, and no partner to share the load Haha, my ex moved abroad when our daughter was 14 months old - that was fucking rough. We eventually followed her but man. Now taking care of a teenager and two 11 year olds is a piece of cake. …
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 02:23 AM
1

Ok, thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 05:44 AM
1

Because of this ineffective counsel and that I missed all my deadlines to even mount a defense, I filed a motion to withdraw without prejudice. Worst possible move you could have made with a counterpetition on file. Did the court even grant your motion?
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 03:52 AM
1

Why do so many posts say dont leave home without SA when no kids are involved? In-house separation just isn't practical in our current living arrangements. This is largely a myth, which goes as follows: if you leave the house, you will be deemed to have abandoned the house and lose your share of the equity. Where this is even a risk, from the legal perspective it is very easy to preserve your claim to the equity, regardless of whether you physically reside in the house or not. With kids, it's mo…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 03:28 AM
2

Without a doubt - but you seem to be squared away in your thinking and actions. Hard not to lose it sometimes, but you're going to be ok.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 02:48 AM
3

Yeah, it's really frustrating.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 02:47 AM
1

FAFO territory my friend, but don't take my word for it - maybe it will go swimmingly, maybe you'll end up with a DV charge. Roll the dice.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 02:33 AM
1

You're the alcoholic and you're filing because you're bothered by her? Time to reassess, sir. Get an outside perspective and realize what you're throwing in the shitter. If she hasn't filed, you should be counting your lucky stars but instead you're complaining and wanting to divorce. It's your decision and California would be the right place because the kid is there. But i would urge you to take stock of yourself, take some time to see things from her perspective and the damage your relationshi…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 02:31 AM
0

Get the fuck out of the same bed, you're absolutely nuts to play along with this. You filed, you had her served, she flipped out and now she's cold/normal - how do you sleep with all the alarm bells going off in your head? You're thinking about signing settlement papers now? Wise up.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 02:25 AM
3

The more desperate she gets, the wilder the stories. If the judge has denied them twice already, her credibility is in the shitter. Stay on guard, be prepared to defend allegations to the court, but don't act out or feel the need to argue with them about it. You're doing the right things.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 02:20 AM
15

Never ceases to amaze me how we expect more reasonableness and respect during a divorce than we got during the marriage. I'm guilty of having the same expectations, but it's nonsensical upon reflection.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 02:18 AM
5

Lots of anger in the past. It’s justified but can be too consuming.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 01:49 AM
1

It is. But you’re an exception.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 11:39 PM
–

Please edit your post to include the link. Don't spam the subreddit.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 02:46 PM
1

How long have you been grieving? Where are you with it? Still seeing a therapist?
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 10:31 AM
1

I think the grief/mourning comes before the cheating in most cases. But nothing excuses the unspoken, unexpressed, secret grief - it’s just cowardly.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 10:29 AM
1

Grieved the loss of the marriage would be a better term. It might be an overplayed concept but the grief framework explains too much to be ignored or dismissed.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 10:27 AM
3

No, it's true and normal. It's not right, as they should have spoken up sooner. But her using those words is the best closure you can hope for.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 03:26 AM
2

Kids are kids, they want to have fun and experience new things and get things (like toys or trinkets). Focusing on that during the time you have is the best protection you have against alienation, whether intentional or through attrition. They may not remember much in terms of specifics but they remember feelings.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 11:01 AM
2

This is the best thing I’ve ever heard done with a wedding ring in a divorce. Hands down! Nice move, sir.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 12:15 PM
3

The divorce ring concept is pretty fun.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 12:13 PM
6

It’s not a “subtle fuck you” it’s a “yes, you’re still hurting me so here’s another win”. Melt it down or pawn it, whatever you do, don’t tell her or involve her. A vampire doesn’t care how they get your blood.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 12:12 PM
1

Best wishes for Tuesday!
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 09:08 AM
2

It’s all part of the process, but shaking things up before everything is finished is an impulse you should have controlled as it is the kind of thing that can turn an amicable divorce into an expensive mess. Stay cool, should anything come up on or before Tuesday.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 07:02 AM
1

That’s a lot to handle. The LinkedIn profile view shit nearly triggered me second hand.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 07:23 AM
1

If she doesn't want it, she'll go scorched earth unless she has a very submissive personality. But with no kids and a marital estate that isn't too complex, the legal fee damage she can do shy of making up some domestic violence claims (not as typical for these long term marriages) - so you can go for it. Where do you think she's at?
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 09:37 AM
2

Well, it sucks but it's also good evidence that you're living rent free in her head.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 09:33 AM
4

FREEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 09:26 AM
1

Turns out the women never really liked her and told me after the split that they allways thought she was egotistical and bossy. Vicious. Wow.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 09:18 AM
3

While there's no doubt he was smeared, I don't think that's the direct reason he's out of the men's side of things. The men moved away from him because there's no way they're going to stir shit up in their own marriage fighting for him, that would be stupid. Either way, they need to be written off - so we are at the same conclusion.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 09:16 AM
4

Haven't you ever had friends get divorced? It's really weird and everyone ends up having to pick sides at some point. If those guys are married, 100% they're not going to create a problem with their wives over YOUR divorce. Would you want them to? Cut them some slack, they're just doing the right thing for their own peace and harmony. Additionally, if you sit around waiting for people to invite you to shit, well, then you're going to be waiting a long time. About moving towns - sounds like a gre…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 09:14 AM
8

Definitely can relate
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 03:28 AM
1

lol - cmon man, they’re bought and sold like any other expert witness “Justify” is a really low standard
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 02:20 AM
1

Totally
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 02:19 AM
3

The operative words in your post are “mediated” and “we” - Zillow and real estate comps are for people who can agree.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 02:18 AM
2

Hire your own appraiser, this is just how it works. Your lawyer should help you find one who is willing to bend reality about as much as hers did but in the other direction. Alternatively, offer to buy her out at her price - would be fun just to watch her face drop.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 02:15 AM
–

Glad we could help. See you when we see you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 02:13 AM
3

Yeah, I thought my girlfriend was AMAZING and don’t get me wrong she was pretty great. As it turns out, she wasn’t AMAZING, she was just basically a normal, caring human being - something I hadn’t had in my life for 15 years.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 02:01 AM
–

Gentlemen, keep it constructive and supportive. Note to OP: much of our community has been on the other side of this. You’re welcome to post here no matter what is said.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 03:10 PM
1

I get that but if it means a support reduction for her you’re in for a fight
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 03:01 PM
1

Brutal and contrived
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 02:56 PM
1

She’s relocated already or will have the chance during the temporary order?
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 02:24 PM
1

Was it ex parte or did you miss the hearing?
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 02:14 PM
1

If more time for you means less support for her, and the savings long term justify the fight, why not. In terms of chances of success - not sure … which court would you need to go to?
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 11:24 AM
13

told me I should get a therapist if I were unhappy. Word for word what I was told
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 08:44 AM
1

Chalk one up in the win column
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 05:59 AM
1

If you're doing it to lean on her for support, fine. If you're doing it to rekindle some sort of romantic relationship, you need to think long and hard whether you're just going back to something familiar or really have emotions for this person. I'm guessing the former because it is the most natural thing in the world to do during a time of loneliness or uncertainty. If it's purely platonic and she's really a friend - you don't really need a reason to tell her. "hey by the way ..."
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 01:55 AM
15

Don't have "the talk" before you file and are ready to serve her, if you even have "the talk" at all. Nothing good will come of it aside from a DV charge or a brief period of intense hostility.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 01:52 AM
9

Now I’m in an Extended Stay hotel and even tho it’s dirt cheap and tiny, I have not experienced peace like this in ages. yep, yep, yep - peace in a cardboard box is better than hostility in a McMansion
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 01:50 AM
4

If they were ok to you during the divorce, her side of course, then no harm. Easy enough to cut off if you discover some ulterior motive.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 11:27 AM
1

I hear you. Much love, bro.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 09:26 AM
2

Yeah, it's tough to divorce someone who doesn't want to be divorced. Just need to go through the process as quickly as possible while minimizing her opportunities to act out like a child. Don't rely on her, don't ask her for things, just basically do everything you can on your own and focus on the necessary parts of co-parenting. Don't agree or discuss things with her that don't involve the kids. And just be prepared for her to back out close to settlement or keep making unreasonable demands - j…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 09:22 AM
1

Yeah, it's tough to divorce someone who doesn't want to be divorced. Just need to go through the process as quickly as possible while minimizing her opportunities to act out like a child. Don't rely on her, don't ask her for things, just basically do everything you can on your own and focus on the necessary parts of co-parenting. Don't agree or discuss things with her that don't involve the kids. And just be prepared for her to back out close to settlement or keep making unreasonable demands - j…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 09:21 AM
1

Yeah, it's tough to divorce someone who doesn't want to be divorced. Just need to go through the process as quickly as possible while minimizing her opportunities to act out like a child. Don't rely on her, don't ask her for things, just basically do everything you can on your own and focus on the necessary parts of co-parenting. Don't agree or discuss things with her that don't involve the kids. And just be prepared for her to back out close to settlement or keep making unreasonable demands - j…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 09:20 AM
2

Sounds like she doesn't want to get divorced and is getting dragged through the process. Alternatively, guilty conscience so she can't trust because she's not trustworthy.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 08:55 AM
13

"You robbed me of my freedom and agency!" Has baby.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 08:48 AM
1

Any good spotify songs in the queue?
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 08:43 AM
6

No no no no no that’s totally off the table. It is her debt.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 07:58 AM
5

Don’t give her the satisfaction of knowing you still care
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 07:57 AM
12

Once the word divorce enters the lexicon of a relationship, whether or not she actually wants a divorce, or control, or even to vent previously unspoken frustrations - the dynamic of the relationship changes for the worse, forever. The threat of divorce will now be in the tool kit for dealing with the relationship - not in a healthy way. So whether it's spoken because she actually wants a divorce or for any other reason, it is the death knell of the relationship - just depends how many times you…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 03:25 AM
2

As a mod and long-time member of this sub - let me tell you something mister! You are correct. 100%.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 08:16 AM
5

How does she feel? Can't you just check out emotionally and do your time or does she still see some love in the relationship? Seems your perspective is causing 90% of your suffering.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 08:14 AM
2

Now that I have unfettered time with them, they’re actually growing up a bit.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 04:01 PM
3

There’s overprotective moms and then there’s “I’m keeping you as my emotional support forever” moms - I married the latter
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 03:39 PM
3

But at least yer honest
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 03:37 PM
1

I started speaking more nicely to myself - and that made all the difference
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 03:22 PM
6

Not sure this is what you need or should hear right now - but it hasn't been seven weeks for her. It's been seven weeks since she built up the "courage" to ask for the separation. For all anyone knows it's been seven years for her. Time to deal with things at her own pace and on her own terms - and now it's all been dumped on you. For you it has been seven weeks. Nothing in terms of grief. Shock and denial have barely struck. Pain is huge. Guilt, anger and bargaining, depression - on the way. Th…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 08:02 AM
2

hope it goes through - if it doesn't - meh, then you know she's just in it to cause you pain
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 11:23 AM
6

It doesn’t matter if you recorded it or not, it matters whether they believe you did. If they believe you did, you have leverage. Use that leverage to make peace and a smooth way forward. He’s probably scared shitless right now - as his career is in jeopardy. This is super easy to turn to your advantage and come out of this with him respecting you and working with you to control her and respect some boundaries.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 05:08 AM
4

don't need CSI to figure this one out - but drinking a man's beer is low, really low
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 05:14 AM
6

Run
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 10:50 AM
7

In terms of grieving, the process for grieving the death of a person is less complex than grieving the death of a marriage. Setbacks in grieving the loss of a person are limited to discovering new information, persistent memories, etc. For a marriage, the main cause of the grief has probably grieved years prior to the divorce, remains present and able to interact with the griever, with the potential to throw wrenches in the process indefinitely.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 01:47 AM
1

Nobody fucks with DeJesus
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 01:42 AM
1

Here's the AI overview for this question: In California, if RSUs are granted before marriage, but some shares vest during marriage, which portions of the shares are separate property and which are community property? In California, when RSUs are granted before marriage but vest during marriage, the community property portion is determined by the vesting period, not the grant date. The "time rule" is commonly used: a fraction is created with the numerator being the time from the grant date to the…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 01:38 AM
1

Unlike wages, which are comparatively simple to track, RSUs vest over time, which makes their characterization more nuanced. For example, if RSUs are granted before marriage, but some shares vest during marriage, which portions of the shares are separate property and which are community property? https://www.shayanlegal.com/blog/prenup-restricted-stock-unit-rsus This article asks the right question, at least, and is in California.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 01:32 AM
3

You need to make it better, going down rabbit holes is not going to do it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 12:33 AM
7

Maybe welcome isn't the right word, and none of us are glad to have had to find this place - but you're among friends, brothers and supporters. You got this, we got you! No divorce is the same but they all rhyme.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 05:19 AM
12

Marriage is a business. Divorce is a business.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 05:18 AM
4

It's a ruse! trap! trick! ploy! device! scheme! gambit! dodge! subterfuge! maneuver! contrivance! machination! game! wile! smokescreen!
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 05:14 AM
2

This man has "reconciled"! 99.9% of the time it just dims the light at the end of an elongating tunnel.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 05:11 AM
3

And what should be done about the pending legal case and lawyers fees? This late in the process - cannot recommend. Reconcile after the case is done.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 05:09 AM
2

exactamundo!
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 05:08 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter