Custody question.

divorcery · 2025-11-30T05:50:21+00:00

Age nine is too young to be a reliable narrator.

BatGuano52 · 2025-11-29T03:44:48+00:00

In California at least, at that age, the judge can talk to the kid(s) and use that to help decide custody issues.

At 14, the kids can chose a parent.

Positive_Rub_6696 · 2025-11-27T17:31:44+00:00

All things being equal, I didn’t want to put my kids in a position to have to choose between their mother and I. Thankfully, neither of us felt like it was fair to them, so we kept them out of it. Mediator asked us and we both declined.

warwww · 2025-11-27T13:56:43+00:00

It would be around 12 upwards I’d imagine. Courts still hold the belief that fathers are only important for the “rebellious years” I.e when the line between juvenile delinquency and normalcy develops.

Which means most fathers miss out on most of their formative and developmental years.

Which is odd considering that most kids raised by single fathers fare much better in life and society typically. (Supported by stats).

_uCanDoBetterBrO_ · 2025-11-26T17:46:24+00:00

It’s more likely that the court would have a gal or friend of court investigator who talks to the kids and then writes a report for the judge. I had to fight vehemently against it because the assigned FOC was the opposing counsels law partner’s fucking wife. Suure buddy I trust she’ll totally be fair. What a shit show family court can be

pk2at · 2025-11-26T16:00:15+00:00

Why should the court listen to a minor? I hope you understand family court is mostly a child support decider when it comes to custody. Lets say the 9 year old wants to live with dad, in which case CS payment to mom has to be reduced which in turn means the state loses federal money. When money is involved people are going to fight

Factastical · 2025-11-26T13:37:43+00:00

Absolutely! But it depends on the 9 year old. My 9yo is the youngest of 3. But he was the most vocal. I had to wait and chill for years until he was old enough. Abused by the system and over a dozen silver bullets in that process. Eventually when I noticed his personality and desire to express was formed finally, I started talking. I removed the veil from the courts and the silver bullet process they allowed and encouraged. Their eyes opened wide. I even explained the judges order "do not discuss court matters with kids". They understood that this order is designed to keep them in the dark so that. What happen next was some kind of destiny. They understood the assignment far better than I imagined. It helped me ALOT that they realized on their own that mommy lies with impunity. I never alienated her. They just got it. It clicked for them. It helped that mommy is a total and complete liar with a terrible reputation in and out of court for it. The child lawyer had no choice. She had to pull back her intitial recommendation for less parenting time on my side and the kids became the defacto decision makers. Particularly my 9 year old. I am not telling you to be like me. This can hurt you potentially. I took a lot of risks. I was ready to lose it all for the sake of transparency and truth. Today I don't allow lies to be told. Lies are a cardinal sin and my blended family knows this. I am raising a bunch of truth tellers. The kids still every now and again come to me with yet another lie and deception mommy has engineered but it's all fun and games now. The only thing i don't know is how a compulsive liar will affect their lives later on. That's the part that scares me. Don't follow my lead unless you are ready to lose it all. The courts impose "don't talk to the kids about court". I understood that for what it's worth and ignored that order also. I ignored many orders. I am not very well liked in court but they are powerless in my custody fight which is why I won. Now we are in the financial portion. I am owed a tonne of money but I will lose it all just to say my peace to the judge who said nothing to a multi year long silver bullet process he witness by a pathological liar without even a slap on the wrist. I will say my peace and when I leave that trial penny less I will smile ear to ear. I was never muzzled. I didn't allow anyone to shut me up. For your sake. For your boys sake. I hope you're not afraid of speaking the truth while the courts allow liars to operate with total impunity.

Competitive-Show-955 · 2025-11-26T13:28:42+00:00

At 9 the kid still picks the fun parent? At what age would a court start listening to the kid? Ie "i want to live with dad because he doesn't yell at me." OP isn't the only one who wants to know.

O12345678 · 2025-11-26T11:54:42+00:00

If the court completely listens to the kid, they may pick the "fun" parent aka the one who doesn't do much actual parenting.

upvotersfortruth · 2025-11-26T07:13:33+00:00

hint: it's about child support not custody

Title	Custody question.
Author	ThrowRAMUN
Upvotes	3
Comments	12
Date	November 26, 2025 6:34 AM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1p70ojq/custody_question/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/custody-question.1567450 https://theredarchive.com/post/1567450

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