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Competitive-Show-955 Archive

View 3 posts and 50 comments by Competitive-Show-955 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Still in progress but... im not super handy either. Doesn't matter. My 3 bedroom house with pool has the same payment as a 2 bedroom apartment in my area (in fairness many of them would have complex pools too). My kids deserve a stable place theyre familiar with, and a father who's happy and not stressed to the 9s. Im better for them when im happy and I love this house, which she hated. And they love swimming in our pool. Plus moving would cost 30k, so id have to pay 30k to move somewhere I don'…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/26 10:01 PM
1

Honestly, I dont know. If I woke up tomorrow and it was the day after our wedding day, I might or might not agree to move halfway across the country, I might or might not insist on living in a certain place or places, I might or might not help her start her business or insist finances be handled differently. Its all so ambivalent because the good comes with the bad. Yes im enormously disappointed with who she turned out to be and she's caused me an enormous amount of pain, but I have a beautiful…
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 10:31 PM
5

Im dealing with a similar situation (mommy says youre a pathetic jerk etc). You're handling it well id say, just make sure to document it, and do t retaliate, sounds like she's a drama queen who is fully capable of blowing this up (mine is too). More importantly, make sure you are kind with the kids (saying things like you dont need to worry about that, you'resafe here with me andi love you). It sounds like you are and that's great. A member of my mens group told me how his dad would disparage h…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 01:25 PM
6

Lol my stbxw is bombarding me with legal filings, then whines when I respond to them and she has to take action too. She also whines at the cost of her lawyer while mine and I agreed he'd just forward me the request and I'd send her 5 years of credit card statements which will show I ate at McDonald's 1-2 times per month.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 02:06 AM
3

I went through a version of this. If she takes the kids like that it can be considered parental kidnapping, she can be arrested. Look up your stayes laws, be clear with her in written communications that you do not consent to your children being taken out of state, and lawyer up.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 06:53 PM
3

Revenge may feel good in the moment, but it won't help you heal and it won't help your children. It will only continue the cycle of pain and abuse. Im very sorry this happened. We're all here for you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 12:37 PM
14

I remember getting a promotion worth 20k a year, and not even telling her it happened because I knew she wouldn't want to do anything to celebrate. Yeah, wish I'd known this stuff years ago.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/26 09:53 PM
2

This is great advice op. Those issues are major as you said, but take a look at yourself too. Hard to say from a few paragraphs, but you sound like a classic 'nice guy'. Check out the book 'No more Mr nice guy' and get the two of you into therapy, but marriagenand individual.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 12:15 PM
3

This sounds a lot like my stbxw. She insists the business she founded during our marriage, which i helped her with and spent years watching the kids late nights and early mornings while she worked is hers alone and I get no piece because it's " only right." Was the jewelry acquired or did it appreciate during the marriage? The value counts towards the joint pot. Stand firm, know what's there.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 01:38 AM
3

Make sure you find one that calls you out (your spouse too if it's couples counseling). Then make sure you listen when they do. My personal therapist has been excellent, even if the couples therapists failed (stbxw refused to listen to them, engage in the exercises, or take the process seriously, then found a personal therapist who she just paid to validate her, those exist too). He calls me out, gives me exercises, coaches me when I fail and celebrates when I succeed. My relationship with my so…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 12:10 PM
6

Unfortunately I have to agree. OP- your suffering isn't noble, it's spreading to your children. I tried to do what you're doing, but saw how the relationship impacted my children. That's when I made the decision to leave. Watching you and learning to live and grow and be happy will be far better for them then learning how to suffer.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 08:50 PM
7

You're out there killing it brother. Head up high, you're the man!
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/26 04:20 PM
1

Makes sense to me. It's what we jave in Missouri. Basically, without evidence (meaning actually police reports for DUI, DV etc) it's a 50/50 split for legal and physical custody from the word go. That can change based on the parents request or based on recommendations from the guardian ad litem (court appointed lawyer who represents the children, paid for by the parents). At least in theory that's how it works, I'm still working through it, hopefully that works out.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/26 02:10 PM
2

Totally normal to be attracted to happiness and joy, especially when things are hard at home. While you should neither throw away your marriage over it nor do anything that would shame you or your current wife, you also don't need to feel guilty or ashamed of those feelings. If this are irreparable with the wife, so be it, end it. But infidelity is not acceptable for anyone who wants to meet their own eye in the mirror.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 01:06 AM
6

Im a 40 year old who's divorce will finalize in the next few months. While i very much have some healing and needed "me time" im looking forward to, just based on your write up, you'd be right at the top of my list of women I'd like a date with when the time comes. You'll be OK, just dont forget that happy people aren't complaining about it on the internet!
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 11:04 PM
7

If she makes more than you, likely she'll be the one paying you, though it would depend on how much more she makes plus other factors. You say you have a lawyer, so i guess you're just venting not looking for advice. All good, we got you.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 05:28 PM
2

Im going through this now. It does feel strange. The other day, someone from my college came through town. He had reached out several weeks in advance and we made dinner plans. I cleared everything with the stbxw, and things were set. Day of, I reminded her about it (I do the majority of the child care so she had to step in) and she lost it. At first I tried arguing with her ad I had in the past (and always lost) but finally said f this, and simply told her i was giving her a courtesy reminder a…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/26 01:08 PM
6

That was my stbx definition. The moment I disagreed on something, all that friendly shit went right out the window.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/26 12:05 PM
6

My stbx is like that too, never her fault for anything, always someone else's fault (usually mine). I know it comes from the way she was treated by her own mother, but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with. Im sorry for your trouble brother.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 01:04 PM
2

A public speaking organization. This is a good suggestion. Hop on google, there is probably a chapter near you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 05:15 PM
1

This. No different than a business. Say she's a cook who owns a restaurant and you're an accountant or plumber. You can't run the business yourself or take half of it, but assuming it's marital property you're entitled to half it's value taken from either the marital home, her taking a loan, regular payments to you etc. Only an issue if she wants to keep some of them, in which case negotiate, there might be something you'd like in exchange or maybe just let her pay you out and upgrade your tool …
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 04:59 PM
3

Don't beat yourself up. You'll be fine. Keep the plants if you want, or dont. Your life is now yours and yours alone. Heal at your pace and dont worry what anyone else thinks. You got this.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 04:46 PM
1

Maybe. Why would you want to? If the kids are in pain, or they would benefit from them, wouldn't you want to find a way to make it happen? Im definitely not saying you should just do whatever your ex wants, but you 100% need to be doing what you can for your kids. Can you share some more details to help us get to a more direct answer?
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 05:13 PM
3

You should be able to argue the down.payment is yours. She will still get half the equity after it's taken out though.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 01:34 AM
3

You're clearly depressed and down on yourself. You should speak to someone about it, probably a professional. The (maasive) silver lining here is you've already identified your areas of improvement. That means when you're ready to start rebuilding, the foundation is already there. Head up high, you got this.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 05:32 PM
5

What you say makes sense. However, I helped her build her business, pay for our home (I was a 6 figure earner before I started my own business this year, and have been financially disciplined my whole life meaning that even though she makes more, down payments etc have all come from me). She holds the stance that i get none of that. Let's just say I disagree, and for myself and my children plan to make sure we are ok.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 01:56 PM
3

When I finally got to the point of saying enough and got a lawyer, he asked me for notes on her behavior. As it happened, I had been taking notes for years, on and off. I transcribed them from the notes app in my phone and after compiling and sending the 18 page document I felt ashamed. Ashamed tbis had been going on for so long, ashamed I had allowed myself to be treated like that, ashamed I had allowed my children to see it and think it's normal. There's no perfect answer to your question. I s…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 01:48 PM
2

That's a great point. It is isolated, frustrating, and exhausting especially if she doesn't have a friend group doing the same where they can support each other and be social. On top of that, you're gone so much so she.cant even take a walk alone or do anything to recharge herself. Are you able to afford putting your daughter in school/daycare? Even just a day or two a week. It would give your wife time to recharge, get her mental state back together, maybe take a part time job so she can have a…
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/25 03:35 PM
4

Im curious too. Im still in process, and need asset, alimony, and child support to finalize so i.can get a place to live. But I also took a side job to help while I build up my business, and im interacting with younger women. The possibilities are interesting, unsure of I will end up pursuing them or not, but I could also see myself working there longer than my finances demand. Where have you looked? The apps are difficult we all know that. But event brite offers age specific meet ups with datin…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 05:01 PM
11

Thank you for posting this. I needed a little bit of light today.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 01:32 PM
3

Was going to suggest just this. Puts something like that on the record immediately. Should help with her behavior at a minimum, and if not the state now knows about, we'll, everything.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/25 11:41 AM
2

That makes sense. Hold firm. Let her go to court if she wants.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 04:41 PM
0

Kids- plural? Let her use one to file (if allowed, you say you have full custody). The tax credit you lose for one is small but the filing status for her is huge. Is that worth it to you to draw things out? So close to freedom...
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 01:53 PM
1

You may be SOL if you want to avoid being painted as a villain. Do whatis right for you and the dogs. Her financia and housing issues are not your problem. Set a date and stick to it. If she is unable to take them by then, rehome them.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 11:12 PM
3

From your post and reply in the comments, it does sound pretty much straight forward. She'll have to refinance the house and pay you a little less than half the equity. That assumes things don't blow up but it doesn't sound like there's any reason it should. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 07:04 PM
1

You'd do.better to reach out to local networks. Findsomeome familiar with your local laws and recommended by local and reputable professionals. Edit: good luck. Let us know if you need more.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/25 02:34 AM
7

Im sorry brother. It's hard, and there are no words to ease your pain. There are no good answers here and im sorry for that too. Maybe some knowledge will add some light to the darkness. This is one of, if not the, hardest thing youll ever go through. But like the other hard things you've done, you will survive. And you will come through, stronger and better than you were before. We're here for you. Keep your head up, and never go tits up.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/25 11:42 PM
3

Because it may be considered infidelity if it happens before a certain point in the process and depending on your state may impact asset division and child custody. Not everywhere, but some.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 01:25 AM
1

I just googled eventbrite equivalents in Europe and came up with a list of options, you can do that and maybe a hinge equivalent as well. Are there any Europeans here who can be more precise?
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 01:43 PM
1

Im in a similar situation (with several years of documented verbal abuse), but with younger kids. Im assuming you're in the US, so just know state laws may vary. According to my own lawyer, without documented evidence of physical abuse which would cause a reasonable person to fear for the children's safety - think police visits to the home, hospital records and so on- then the court isn't going to award you full custody. That said, 2 of yours are old enough the court may listen to them if they s…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 01:16 PM
6

Paying for sex seems more depressing than the apps. That's my 2 cents anyway, I would prefer celibacy and the internet over that. Tinder isn't a great place to be, even my female friends stay off it. If you're looking for higher quality women, match and hinge are probably better, at least in my experience. That said, it's harder when you're not in college anymore. You may have gotten the advice to join activity groups, thats good advice. If you look at places like eventbrite you can find singles…
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 09:41 AM
6

It's ok, you can vent here. We're here for each other. I went through something close. My stbxw loves gender roles, this is man stuff thats woman stuff etc. Fine, except that I do 100% of the cooking and cleaning and most of the child care. I recall one Sunday, while I was I was cleaning the kitchen for the 3rd time that day after cooking breakfast, lunch, and prepped food for the week while also preparing to cook dinner, she asked me if I was planning to clean the garage. She had slept until 11…
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 03:35 PM
3

It's hard to know what's right. I went to Thanksgiving with my stbxw family because she said the kids would want me too, but I still don't know if it was right or not. It was certainly awkward. You'll figure it out though, and move past all the problems. You've got this!
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 02:49 PM
1

Thank you for laying that out there. It's hard to k ow what to do.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/25 05:15 PM
2

5 years, but exactly the same.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 11:08 PM
1

At 9 the kid still picks the fun parent? At what age would a court start listening to the kid? Ie "i want to live with dad because he doesn't yell at me." OP isn't the only one who wants to know.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 01:28 PM
2

You'll be fine brother. Stay strong.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/25 11:41 PM
2

Wow, describes my stbx to a T...
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 01:39 AM
6

It's not dumb. The dishes are a symptom of something else, not the cause itself. In my case, I did all the dishes and just asked her to please put hers in the dishwasher and also just wash her travel mugs (she takes coffee to work everyday). I couldn't get her to do anything, even though like you i do the cooking and cleaning. Every time I spoke to her about it she'd respond "it's just a dish, who cares?". So we'd fight about the dishes, but in reality we would fight because she was doing someth…
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 12:46 PM
18

I'm sorry that happened to you. You sacrificed so much to do what you thought was right. And you've done it all while she effed off. Your children will look to you as the one who was there, who cared enough about them to show up while their mom whored around town. Hold your head up. You're awesome.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 01:53 PM
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