Children custody tips?

RichardCleveland · 2025-12-03T20:24:36+00:00

~~Fyi: wife is verbally abusive to all of us and I have placed multiple video and audio recorders. I do have captured evidence but last one was about 6 months ago.~~

It doesn't matter. Unless she actually has been arrested or investigated for child endangerment, drug abuse, suffers from severe mental health issues, or not able to provide a safe home after the divorce.

Being verbally a bitch isn't going to factor in, recordings or not. The judge wants a legal paper trail, they are not going to sit around watching videos.

Also the chances of taking children away from their mom is near 0%. Everything custody wise is weighted towards to moms to begin with. Your biggest hope is to get 50/50, and you are going to have to prove various things in order to get it. Such as your capacity to get them to school and activities 1/2 of the time, and provide a safe living environment.

At this point you need to speak to an attorney. Every jurisdiction has their own set of laws / rules in custody cases, so legal guidance is a must.

IrresponsibleInsect · 2025-12-03T04:53:21+00:00

This is why I'm still married.

Do the research, you very very likely are not getting full custody, and will have to fight for 50/50. If she's emotionally unstable enough to verbally abuse y'all, she's not above a silver bullet divorce. You're gonna give her half of everything, perhaps pay her legal fees, child support (even with 50/50), and spousal support. Even if the kids want to live with you and everything goes in your favor, the courts can empower her to destroy your life, take you for everything, and you'll have to spend everything you have and perhaps go into debt fighting for any of it back, and the courts are slooooow and expensive.

Please. Consult with multiple attorneys, talk to others locally who've gone through it, watch some live local court hearings, and do the research. Know what you're getting into before pulling that trigger.

ObjectiveSalt1635 · 2025-12-03T00:15:32+00:00

Make sure it’s a one party consent state and you’ve not broken the law by recording someone without them knowing.

funnyman6979 · 2025-12-02T19:19:23+00:00

Hate to be the bearer of bad news but as it was told to me once unless you can prove and support physical abuse or excessive drug use at best you’re looking at shared parenting. I know it sucks, been here wish you the best.

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2025-12-02T16:23:10+00:00

FIRST AND FORMOST: You need a FAMILY LAW divorce Lawyer. You CANNOT DIY this.

SECOND: what do the kids want? You want to be fighting JUST your ex here and not 2-3 kids because they will resent it.

Please give tips how to best gain full custody.

As the guy its a LONG road for that. You're going to need a ton of documenting AND mom to be a complete mess. If she's able to play herself off as a competent parent you're in a for a lot of expense/fighting. Verbal abuse probably wont be enough unless your kids are mentally suffering and even then you'll need therapists/GAL's to document it all.

Few things to consider/think about/research:

what ages does your state give the kids a say? Older ones might have input but your 6 year old prob wont.
Will you retain the family home? Kids might think of that as home base so try that if you can. Other place is just "moms apartment"
with older kids you can be 50*/50 on paper but when push comes to shove your ex wont want to wrestle a screaming and combative 15 year old into a car.

TIPS for custody plan (read the one on dropoffs/exchanges!): https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/comments/1iqbber/comment/mcywewe

guy_n_cognito_tu · 2025-12-02T16:23:05+00:00

Friend, you need to prepare yourself for the reality that it will be impossible for you to get sole custody. The "abuse" you'd have to document to even consider it would have to be physical, frequent and current. Her using mean words 6 months ago won't ever cut it. You'll likely be fighting just to get 50% custody, and most judges consider that the best any father deserves.

upvotersfortruth · 2025-12-02T13:29:13+00:00

Sole/full custody (in the U.S. at least) is nearly impossible to achieve without the right facts or one side giving it up willingly. I’m not sure of the level of verbal abuse you’re talking about but that, without more, is going to be difficult unless it’s extreme. And if it’s extreme, there’s usually underlying psychological issues that accompany it and actually drive the decision. Verbal abuse is the symptom, in other words.

“More” are things like diagnosed psyche issues, substance abuse, neglect, endangerment, etc.

For the 15 yo for sure, and maybe the 10 yo, their voices will carry weight. For the 6 yo, and maybe the 10 yo, they will need to have their best interests expressed through their own attorney, a guardian ad litem. GALs bring a level of expense and uncertainty to the case.

Without more, you’re looking at joint custody with someone being the primary custodian. In order to be the primary custodian, you need to show you are the primary caregiver for starters.

Strategically, if your lawyer thinks you can make a realistic case for sole custody, then go for it and ultimately settle for joint custody under terms and conditions that practically look very much like sole custody. The reason to reach this compromise, as unpalatable as it may sound to you, is because any parent, especially mothers, view sole custody as hacking away at their identity as a parent and will fight tooth and nail to avoid it.

But going for sole without the facts or without being able to convince her you have a shot at it is a mistake.

Competitive-Show-955 · 2025-12-02T13:16:00+00:00

Im in a similar situation (with several years of documented verbal abuse), but with younger kids. Im assuming you're in the US, so just know state laws may vary. According to my own lawyer, without documented evidence of physical abuse which would cause a reasonable person to fear for the children's safety - think police visits to the home, hospital records and so on- then the court isn't going to award you full custody. That said, 2 of yours are old enough the court may listen to them if they say they want to live with you full time, you could then make the argument the 6 year old shouldn't be separated.

That doesn't mean your documentation isn't useful, you can use it to defend yourself if she makes accusations of you.

You 100% need a lawyer to walk you through this. Good luck to you and your children.

Final_Minimum1443 · 2025-12-02T16:10:47+00:00

Won't get full custody. Won't be able to use the evidence unless in a state where you were there recording then yes. Been there with verbal abuse. It sucks the system is rigged against the abused. It is what it is. You just have to focus on what you can control do for your children.

krikond · 2026-03-20T16:26:03+00:00

I documented recent incidents and focused on the kids' safety in court. I am glad that worked with child custody lawyers Colorado they reviewed my old evidence and helped build a strong plan that got me primary custody. Keep recording safely and always put the children first.

Title	Children custody tips?
Author	BulldoggRN
Upvotes	3
Comments	17
Date	December 2, 2025 12:25 PM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1pc74gq/children_custody_tips/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/children-custody-tips.1567903 https://theredarchive.com/post/1567903

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