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ObjectiveSalt1635 Archive

View 0 posts and 189 comments by ObjectiveSalt1635 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

Look for a flat rate fee divorce in your state and just split it and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/26 11:35 PM
1

I too am working on myself to build myself up so I will never allow myself to be put into a situation where I don’t feel like the other person is giving as much as I am. No more leeches.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/26 11:30 AM
3

Sometimes we didn’t fail in our marriage, but in our original choice. With some people there’s no way it could work out well.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/26 03:05 PM
1

Your own attorney should be advising you
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/26 01:19 AM
2

Just gotta remember that who you love was a ghost. Not real
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/26 12:17 PM
2

Lawyer and then police report asap. Do this immediately
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 01:36 PM
3

My kids were saying after my ex moved out that there were tons of flowers all over the place. Her friends and family celebrating her independence from the horrible man
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 03:24 PM
8

The gym is a life hack for happiness. It just makes everything work better
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 12:47 PM
3

What do you do ? You go to the gym. You work on your profile. You try a larger populated area. Those are the only things you can do.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 12:34 AM
8

Listen the best path is mediation but with your own lawyer advising and reviewing. You can have your own attorney even if you do mediation. You pay by the hour for advice to help close gaps. Don’t work with a lawyer that only will take you for a huge divorce trial
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 01:18 PM
1

Right on. I had to have this conversation too. They also asked if I loved mommy and I said yes I did in a way. Even if it’s not true I think it helps them. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 11:27 PM
0

Listen very closely - you need to sit down with your children and have a conversation about how you know that they love their mother and that you want to hear about it from them. That they should never feel bad about loving their parents.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 06:09 PM
9

Lawyer immediately
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 03:16 PM
9

I married an avoidant.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 01:18 PM
3

That’s all exactly my experience as well. However now I’m building my dream life in my world, and she’s not invited
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 10:35 AM
16

You tell your children when they’re older. Until then you talk about how much you know they love their mommy
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 08:13 PM
5

I’m kinda psyched to have a first Mother’s Day where I dont really have to do anything though. Silver linings!
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 10:28 PM
2

One thing that really eased my anxiety was I read somewhere that these things take ages to play out. Divorces can take a long time to finalize. So the overwhelming amount of decisions I felt I had to make actually were not all urgent. There’s tons of time to figure things out usually
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 01:30 PM
3

Cystoscopy (scope into your bladder). But only by a little
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 09:41 AM
1

Staying is better. Your lawyer should tell you this. She can’t kick you out.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 07:28 PM
2

They have to delude themselves into thinking we are the problem in order to justify the divorce to themselves and their friends and family
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 03:58 PM
1

I asked my ex to watch the kids off schedule three times and she said no, which I was fine with. Then she asked me the first time, I couldn’t, and she lost it. There’s just something wrong with these people.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 11:58 AM
3

Yes, lots of them seem to.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 11:32 AM
3

I say they’ve got “city miles” on them
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 07:26 PM
3

With the right person it won’t feel like bending. That’s the theory at least
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 07:24 PM
14

And how little your ex cares about the burden on you now. Or about you at all
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 05:43 PM
1

Right. And it can happen again. It’s just the way it is
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 10:51 AM
3

The right person will have you as the reason
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 09:52 AM
3

I’m in the same boat as you, but I believe the common wisdom is to build your life for yourself so stable and happy that this next person becomes an enhancement to it not a central pillar
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 09:50 AM
1

If your policy is to never get married again unless you’re under an iron clad prenup, you’re pretty safe.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 09:10 PM
1

Well we know not to marry them this time lol
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 08:19 PM
5

Having two doesn’t work. I’m overweight but six ft and make six figures. Working on the last one.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 04:53 PM
2

I wish. Three daughters and the interaction that requires is a constant reminder. I fantasize about leaving the country and hiding on the other side of the planet
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 09:41 AM
2

Awesome. You are very lucky. I would lastly say you should have a conversation and agreements when you’re calm on how to deal with bad times. Discuss boundaries you each don’t want crossed. Talk about a desire to resolve before bed or allowing each other to have time to calm down, etc. off limits behaviors and so on. I’ve found some wisdom in the idea that it’s better to have these discussions when it’s good rather than when it’s bad
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 02:28 PM
3

The trick is to make sure how you two interact when she’s not calm. If she blows up and doesn’t know how to get back to baseline, even if rare, it’s something to know going in.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 12:42 PM
2

Do you know how she acts when things get bad? Conflict resolution is key
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 12:32 PM
1

Sounds like you need to work with your lawyer and potentially go for full custody
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 07:42 PM
11

I’ve been there. Look up walkway wife syndrome. Sadly the only thing to do is move forward and try not to spend too much time trying to make sense of it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/26 04:03 PM
3

When she bought a townhouse and moved out ten days before Christmas. And we have three children. Classy.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 03:14 AM
3

Just be honest. Make sure to indicate it’s very much done and no chance of getting back together
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 10:19 AM
1

She walked away, broke her vows. He should keep it
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 08:53 AM
-8

Life is imbalanced. Stop expecting everything to be fair. Let it go and move forward
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 11:54 AM
10

I’m really trying hard not to be jaded but god damn after you’ve been burnt by a woman who you were fully committed to, anything else just seems kinda silly
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 09:28 AM
3

You need to stop financing this charade and do what your lawyer tells you. And probably do 50 50 immediately
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 09:13 AM
3

Move back in. (If your lawyer agrees). Never cede the house. Say as little as possible about agreements to her going forward
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 09:11 AM
1

Just let it go. If you want to be petty about it make sure you make her pay for the depreciation of the other vehicle in the settlement. Otherwise it’s not worth the effort. If she keeps it she’ll have to pay you for the value of it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/26 10:21 AM
4

I’m still in the thick of wasting the small quiet moments wondering how she could have not felt all the positive things amidst the bad stuff at all. It’s like it never existed. This thing has shook my experience of reality.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 01:28 PM
1

Get your finances in order. Clear your deck as much as you can as far as commitments and work. Get an attorney but never tell ex that they exist. Always say you want to do mediation. Your attorney is for when shit this the fan. Therapist if you need it. Then drop the bomb and have a plan for next steps.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 10:36 PM
2

I meant she needs to work on her communication skills. Maybe you both, I don’t know. But her for sure if she’s attacking
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 01:26 PM
2

So this is a skills issue in communication. Like any skill they can be improved. But fundamental bias are much harder to change. You’ll have to decide which of these are more important to you
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 12:17 PM
2

Yup. I hear ya. I was stuck being the good guy who was committed and would have to beg to get any attention. She was done a decade ago.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 07:26 PM
4

There is no justice and commitment. It’s just a fantasy. We all know this now. It’s usually one sided
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 10:33 PM
2

This feels familiar
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 01:46 AM
12

Sounds like a healthy normal response. After you’ve been through the hell of divorce little stuff isn’t so scary any more
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/26 10:06 PM
2

I told her there was an annual licensing fee if she kept it lol. (I was j/k)
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/26 01:38 PM
1

I take lorazepam as needed. Only one a day when very anxious
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/26 02:10 AM
1

Within 45 days of separation I was peeing blood. One CT later and a very unpleasant scope experience, no cancer or anything horrible but still a very bad experience. I’m sure it was related to overall stress and trauma
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 09:32 AM
1

Sometimes accountability when you’re all by yourself and they’re long gone is a waste of time. It’ll come at some point but it can make you feel even worse as op is feeling
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 09:21 AM
1

I don’t say that but I talk about how much their mother loves them and how much they should love spending time with her.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 01:44 PM
3

Don’t even reply and don’t let her have space in your head. There’s someone better out there who will be loyal and keep to their vows
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 01:43 PM
4

Yup. Similar. She’d say she would never be able to be what I needed her to be. Mind you, this is with never trying meds for her obvious anxiety and depression issues, personal therapy, or marital counseling. I’m pretty convinced dismissive avoidant is code for an emotional lazy coward.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/26 10:08 AM
3

Mine was dismissive avoidant. It was a nightmare
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/26 07:32 PM
8

Prenup.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 08:47 AM
3

Why are you doing couples therapy if there’s no hope? Seems like an expensive thing for nothing if so
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 08:13 PM
1

It’s true. Not my dime in the future. Anyone I’m tied to will be prenuptial all the way.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 01:28 AM
2

I kinda agree but I think there is a small minority of women out there that are good. I wasn’t married to one of them, nor does anyone else here seem to have been, but we’re kinda in the wrong place to find happily married men. Anyway, I think the middle ground is to watch and be wary and not assume anything of them. I would guess a lot of us wish we had bailed a long time ago when the first red flags were seen. My plan is to do that the next time, and not let my life revolve around a coward.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 11:11 PM
1

Same. Theres a few things she would have to say to make it possible but I know she’s just not capable
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 12:47 PM
1

Try to prove some of the savings is pre marital
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 10:26 AM
8

Just take it slow and don’t make huge commitments and obligations. Enjoy it and don’t spend too much time on it. Balance in all things
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 03:51 PM
4

You need to pursue marriage counseling and make a sincere effort to reconnect and fan the love. All these women who bail without attempting this basic step are just as bad as you if you don’t give it a sincere try.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 12:01 PM
1

Talk with Ai and build something. It’s surprisingly effective at helping build a schedule and putting together a document to communicate it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 10:47 PM
4

Don’t disagree but also dad needs to protect him as well.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 12:04 AM
8

Completely wrong advice. A hostile living environment is absolutely an environment that a competent attorney can work with the court to change.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 10:22 PM
4

I remember arguments where I was accused of being able to check out and play video games when I wanted to. It always felt like an accusation because i understood how to self care and she did not.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 06:02 PM
2

Document it. Do nothing. When you have five or so of them take them to your lawyer and have them write a letter about parental alienation to your wife or her lawyer. Say nothing about anything ever.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 01:44 PM
6

Unless there’s an alimony upside to this due to state laws, you’re wasting time money effort and brain space on something that’s dead.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 11:58 AM
2

Do not leave. It’s her idea so let her find the new place. You stay there and be the anchor. Why should you have to move AND get a divorce?
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 05:42 PM
7

You need a lawyer to file a motion for an order to stop raiding marital assets before the divorce is final. It’s very odd the mortgage company didn’t require a letter from you- she probably didn’t disclose that you were separated. She could get into trouble with the mortgage company I’d expect. You need a lawyer asap
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 11:22 AM
2

Just remember these things take a lot of time to resolve. Don’t feel like you need to solve everything in one day. Let time do its thing. The best thing you can do is be calm and collected around her
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/26 02:36 PM
6

They’re just horrible people. We offer unlimited commitment and they just want a good time.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 06:14 PM
3

I agree to be honest. There’s exceptions to every rule. But let’s remember that 90 percent of divorces are brought by college graduate women.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 10:04 PM
11

I’ve lived this life. Men seem to have truly genuine intentions towards marriage and women are very mercenary
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 07:29 PM
1

Why are you paying when ex made more ?
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 08:10 PM
3

Sounds like a mental health issue that’s unaddressed
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 02:34 PM
2

I’m gonna go against the trend here and say you need to keep in mind you signed up for these things. You knew these things going in. That doesn’t mean you can’t change your mind or set new boundaries or decide to change your life, but maybe you can let go of some anger knowing your role in accepting and marrying the status quo. With that said I think you should be the main decider of where you live if you’re the main earner and she’s not pulling your weight. You don’t need her permission for tha…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 02:31 PM
4

This is so true. I was so in love with the fake her that didn’t really exist. I had infinite patience and would have forgiven anything and stayed loyal for the rest of my life for that person. I would have done anything. But that person didn’t really exist. The person who was real was a coward who just left and was done. I still get sad because I miss the fantasy person. But I hate the coward
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 10:44 AM
3

That child support with 50 50 is rough. I was able to negotiate out of it though -(I know child support can’t be contracted away but my lawyers approach was a post nup that said if she files for child support, she immediately owes me the same amount In alimony)
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 09:27 AM
0

You know what they say. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. She’s your enemy now.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 01:20 AM
0

Dude you’re completely missing the point. It’s not about what she thinks. It’s about how you want yourself to be seen by others. The image you project. They will misinterpret sure and it doesn’t actually matter what she thinks about you. It’s about being a good man and handling this destruction with grace and being the anchor for your kids. What your kids think about you does matter.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 01:19 AM
5

I’ve been in a similar situation. It lasted six years. Sit down and write your eulogy. Think about how you want to be remembered by family friends. Your kids and your wife. Think about if you are divorced how you would want her to think of you. Do you want her to think about you as that asshole, or do you want her to think - he really was a standup guy and great throughout the divorce. Then go try to be that guy. When it’s hard and you can’t, just survive. Just get through the day. In a divorce …
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/26 11:42 AM
3

Maybe I’m dense today but if she’s saying it, and acting like that doesn’t she want it ?
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/26 11:38 AM
3

Well you could have been collecting evidence to get full custody too
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/26 09:36 PM
2

Agreed. But I’m attracted to someone who’s content and happy to be with me. I had hot but miserable and barely willing to have sex for a decade. Not worth it
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/26 09:32 PM
2

My ex was hot but the next one I just want reliable and trustworthy. Hotness fades
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/26 09:24 PM
7

I think your identity is tied too tightly to being a husband and a father. (I know from experience)
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/26 06:07 PM
4

I fully spent half my most recent therapy session on this topic. I'm very torn. I know my ex would be fine with being more involved in each other's lives. She mentioned going out for pizza with the kids together before she left. She's invited me into her new place. She'd come in my place for sure (she already does without being invited in). But the betrayal is too deep and too painful. Maybe it won't be in the future, I don't know. (Right now it feels like it'll never end) I don't even sit with …
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/26 11:18 AM
2

I’m similar. It seems so ridiculous that detaching from fatherhood is the solution. I cry every time they leave
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 01:40 PM
7

Agreed don’t go unless kids would be very upset if you didn’t.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 07:29 PM
2

She loved you but wasn’t a good enough person to tell you about the issues before it passed the point of no return. Don’t listen to the people that say you should have somehow read her mind and known.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 01:43 PM
2

Fair enough. Makes sense.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 01:22 PM
2

I deal with anxiety too my whole life long before her. It’s something that just has to be dealt with to set up a future relationship that’s actually healthy
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 12:06 PM
2

You need to work on fixing yourself and the wounds that cause this unhealthy attachment style. Forget her in the meantime
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 11:35 AM
2

Why exactly are you agreeing to move? She cheated let her figure all this out. Stay put
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 06:14 AM
1

You gotta give yourself some grace. Take care of the fires and then give yourself the night off to relax
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 10:57 PM
35

Don’t ask your ex s permission to pay her less money. You ask a judge.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 08:51 PM
1

Lawyer
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 08:41 AM
2

I would consult with an attorney first about this. Make sure it’s not violating some obscure law
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 11:01 PM
1

Same. My alternative was going to be similar, just dinner and hang out like a movie or arcade. Kids say they like the schedule so far. We have three kids so we have also added a Friday night solo dinner with one of the kids for the off parent on a rotation. So I am seeing my kids on 11/14 days. It’s not bad
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/26 09:24 AM
3

We do 7 7 but with a mid week overnight for the off parent. Just Wed night to thurs morning. A quick time for them to see the other parent.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/26 09:54 PM
1

I call my ex the white witch, because I’m a big Silicon Valley show fan.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/26 01:53 PM
7

It is NOT for the best to be that far from your child. Try again. It’s better to be poor and near than far and have more money, if this is for money. Get your priorities right.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/26 01:52 PM
2

Take her money for as long as you can in recompense
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 10:57 AM
4

Get things signed as quickly as you can. It can turn bad quickly
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 10:53 AM
3

With my completely empty house on the off weeks, I’m looking forward to a future GF complication. I don’t like the complete silence after having three kids and the ex here all the time.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 12:32 AM
2

I have an 8,11,14 year old and we are trying week on week off but with one brief overnight wed nights for the off week parent. Kids seem ok with it so far
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 12:30 AM
2

Is it really his house or is it her place ?
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 05:05 PM
15

Maybe I’m a horrible person and have messed them up irreparably, but all I’ve done is say that mommy wanted this and I didn’t. I’ve made it clear that they should love their mommy and I always want to hear about how they love her and how much fun they have with her, and how it’s not their fault, and talked about how it’ll still be better and good and how things are more calm etc. I’m sending a positive message for the future and showing how they can express love for their mother (and also shared…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 10:56 AM
4

Ouch
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 10:18 AM
8

It’s a numbers game and a skill. You need to talk to 100 to connect with one. Just keep having those interactions.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 10:14 AM
5

Your kids love you. Focus on that. You need to lawyer up asap and move this thing forward if she's not interested in marriage counseling. If she is, do it. Also a personal therapist is a good idea. (Or use AI if you can't afford it)
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 11:22 AM
3

When he says stuff about your mom try to redirect him to think about what he does have and how that’s much more important - he has you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 11:16 AM
3

I was watching some random Warren buffet clip on YouTube yesterday and he was talking about how people should write your obituary and then figure out how to live up to it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/25 12:34 PM
5

Don’t move out without an agreed parenting plan. If you have her commitment in writing ( email or text will do ) to a coparenting plan, you should be fine. You really need a good lawyer though. But don’t find a lawyer that insists on going nuts filing and being all crazy. The best outcome is : you have a lawyer for advice only. You do not sue for divorce and fight it out there. (Expensive). Keep your lawyer and use them sparingly and do mediation with your spouse. Usually flat rate and works if …
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 11:49 PM
3

If you leave without saying anything, maybe. But if you leave and communicate and don’t just abandon your investments and responsibilities - this is not the outcome.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 11:45 PM
6

I’ve been living through the last month of “last times”. I’m over it. I don’t care any more. We’ll be having the last Christmas together tomorrow with the kids and I’m trying my best to just ignore her and not say something nasty. I hope I don’t but I just seem to have them locked and loaded at all times, and zero actual thought goes on before they come out of my mouth. Either way, it’s just time to build something better than the misery that was the last five years. I gave it my all and no one …
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 02:12 AM
5

They’re cowards
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 02:05 AM
1

They become experts at hiding their emotions. They did it when married and they do it after as well.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/25 11:26 AM
2

This was very helpful. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/25 12:44 AM
6

I was with you until the last part. Continuing to sacrifice and hold out for a person who has proven unworthy of your commitment is a very bad idea. There are better suited women and ones that appreciate you more and ones that will happily jump your bones every night. Go find one and see if that changes your perspective
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/25 09:04 AM
3

My wife moved our six days ago. Let time do its thing. Don’t try to solve the world. Just survive each day the best you can. The failure says you weren’t right for each other, and now can find the right person- as daunting as that sounds
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/25 08:53 AM
2

Why are you ceding so much stuff to start off ? Because of a cat ? Don’t go into a vastly worse situation to be a martyr.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 02:24 AM
2

Feels like a profile issue. Aren’t there other sub reddits that help people improve their profile ? I also recall some website people use.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 12:51 AM
2

Awesome.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 12:46 AM
1

Yeah so many men white knight even into a divorce and don’t take what they deserve. And then regret it later.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 09:35 PM
4

My situation is fresh (she left yesterday), but I plan on hitting up meetup and other similar local event sites to meet people. I plan on filling my time with that and volunteer work and gym and eventually hopefully dating. I also have a lot of work to do to catch up on some entrepreneurial endeavors
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 07:41 PM
3

Your lawyer will argue that because she didn’t do anything afterwards to indicate that she was in danger - leaving or whatever, that she felt there was no threat. This is absolutely lawyer territory and any money you spend is worth it. Just make sure you talk to a few and hire the best one.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 12:10 PM
3

Healing isn’t linear. You will have some setbacks but will still be moving forward
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 07:27 AM
1

I saw an Amex card discount for it recently
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 05:59 AM
10

You needed a lawyer a year ago
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 11:10 PM
17

It’s funny how they seem to abandon us when things get rough.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 06:28 PM
6

I recently found in my state (pa) she owns it. It’s considered a gift and I can’t get it back. I think that’s how it is in most states actually
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 08:58 PM
5

Listen to everyone here. Lawyer time.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 08:54 PM
4

Same. I’m allocating a year for a turnaround but no way I’ll give up my healthy happy future because she has to be a coward.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 06:34 PM
6

honestly you got lucky it was up front and noticable - many women do it behind your back while still being nice to you. gotta look at the silver linings of the situation.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 01:22 PM
7

Same. I will not forgive or forget but I will have to accept it and move on from it to not live in anger. Gotta do that for the kids and myself and my future. I’m not there yet but I know I have to soon. She’s leaving my house tomorrow so it’s still kinda raw.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 10:32 AM
2

Not all women are like this….i think.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 10:24 AM
5

I wonder how many cheaters ozempic has enabled. Don’t know if yours used that, but I bet it’s enabled a lot of psychological changes that these cowardly women can’t handle
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 10:20 AM
6

Let’s make our recovery and future lives irregularity good. Better jobs, great women, in great shape and content.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 10:16 AM
3

Same. 17 years too. 3 kids
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 10:12 AM
10

Exactly. Mine is leaving with a ton of my money I made and then invested properly to grow.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 10:10 AM
18

It’s just emotional abuse. Very quiet, but still abusive behavior to completely check out and act basically normal. It’s disgusting and cowardly
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 10:08 AM
4

Get an attorney for at least a free consultation
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 12:06 AM
1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YbR4MMeuzs
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 03:03 PM
1

That will get better when she’s out from under the relationship. Same as it will for you
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 01:57 PM
3

I heard the saying, "A man will sacrifice his happiness for his family, a woman will sacrifice her family for her happiness." Your children are going to be fine. You need to frame it as you have a set of needs and requirements in a marriage that are perfectly reasonable and nobody would question - she's choosing not to meet them. It's not your choice, it's hers. You're just setting a reasonable boundary and she's not meeting it. Then the blame doesn't fall on you completely. A bad marriage will …
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 01:34 PM
1

you have to look at this situation as an opportunity to fix the things in your own attachment style that need to be fixed, and develop habits and thinking that will provide a firm foundation for the rest of your life - whatever may come. that's my strategy at least. best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 01:31 PM
3

nah, we gotta get more wise and develop a stable attachment style, and do better the next time.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 01:30 PM
2

this is a great post, and your solutions are the solutions to fix this sort of situation. I just was not capable of it. And i'm not sure i want to be. I think that for my soon to be ex, the amount of crazy, delusion, and inability to hold herself accountable for anything was just too much for me to bear. I can deal with some for sure, and be an empathetic ear to the insane stuff that I hear, but not this amount and not for this long. I'll go out and seek someone that's a better fit, and gives mo…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 01:29 PM
1

you got this. you should look at it as 50% quality time with your kids, and 50% of the time the kids are with someone who loves them and takes care of them. And during that time without the kids you get to go find someone who will be a better fit for you and make you happy.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 01:24 PM
6

I could have written this post myself. 17 years married, 3 kids. In my mid 40's as well. It was over 10+ years ago - she checked out then, and I only really noticed 5 years ago when she threatened to leave. I spent the next 5 years trying to turn things around and save it and "holding it together" while she just emotionally was done. It was a complete and utter waste of time. She's leaving in 5 days, and I am completely torn - the persona that's a family man is broken and devastated, but who i a…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 03:17 AM
3

As Louis ck says, divorce is forever ! https://youtu.be/qGN1a4fN2sg?si=vyrqGx1CGQ0hpFtU
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 01:03 AM
4

A good father will do anything to protect their child. Anything.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/25 06:47 PM
4

Protecting yourself and your child and holding someone accountable to their actions is not being vindictive.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/25 06:46 PM
7

You need to engage your attorney on this immediately. If she’s alienating you as a parent then she’s abusing her.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 02:03 PM
2

Oh my lord you have to tell his wife.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 09:13 AM
4

She made the decision for your marriage. Don’t take on the burden of a false “decision”. It’s done. Move forward
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 09:11 AM
1

I’ve been reading more about attachment styles. I think I am an anxious attachment style (but not very bad - I’m generally very confident). My ex is a dismissive avoidant attachment style. You push her at all and she hides. I keep reading about the mindset of these types of people and maybe this is just still feeling the betrayal, but they just seem like cowards. I am glad she’s leaving my life if this is all she can be. I need someone who is still seeking and works to be better.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 12:57 AM
7

I think you should explore therapy and make sure your decision is based on healthy perspective. If so, go for it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 03:42 PM
3

I’m not ready yet to start a profile, but any general tips you can share ?
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 02:45 AM
2

Agreed. One thing I heard that helped was that there is a LOT of time for everything. You’ll have months and years to figure things out and make decisions. Divorces take a long long time and there’s no particular rush usually.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 03:18 AM
3

I was literally just going over the past five years in my mind, not ten minutes ago. I kept thinking, what if I had just tried harder to bring her back emotionally, rather than being angry she had pulled away. Then I remembered, I really did try. But the pain of her emotional betrayal wouldn’t let me not be angry or hurt. I tried my best for five years straight, and even if I had been cool and calm as I anyone could ever be, I don’t think she ever would have emotionally come back to the marriage…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 03:16 AM
6

Honestly it sounds like you need to just go slow and stack up as much cash as you can for your new life. Yes half that stack could go to her but you need to prepare as best that you can. I would pay down debt and make your financial life as clean as you can as well. Just hold on and get ready. They do not usually come back from the emotional dead zone. Hit the gym and work on yourself and ignore her as best you can.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 11:59 AM
4

He wants to win in court.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 01:43 PM
2

You too. We got this !
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 01:28 PM
1

I’ll marry but I’ll prenup the hell out of it, or not at all. Life’s too short to recover again from a divorce financially
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 01:03 PM
2

Nice. Mines leaving the 15th. Counting the days as well
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 01:03 PM
5

Now you can be anyone though.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 12:59 PM
2

Make sure it’s a one party consent state and you’ve not broken the law by recording someone without them knowing.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 12:15 AM
2

I’d agree normally but that birth sounds horrible and she may have some postpartum issues going on. I would wait it out a bit imho
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 07:28 AM
2

Honestly with a child this young and what you’ve been through, in my opinion it’s survival time only. Not decision time. You need to drop expectations of your wife for a bit and just survive and take care of the baby. Things get a lot easier as they get older and you may feel differently in a year. Stop predicting the future and reliving the past and just survive and even enjoy the present as best that you can. Life and marriage are about seasons and this may be just a very very bad one. After i…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 07:25 AM
1

Sometimes walking away gracefully is how you protect them. I’m learning to do that now too. Just have to be mindful of how you want to be perceived going forward
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 07:08 AM
4

Mine wasn’t interested in preserving the family either. Those women that can’t value things like we do aren’t worth it. There are women out there who will make an effort. We just have to go and find them.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 12:44 PM
23

I’ve made this point 10,000 times over six years. She did not want to do personal therapy, marriage counseling, take medicine for her anxiety or depression, let anything at all go, or work on anything of herself (or admit there’s anything to work on). For her, I’m the devil, and anything she did that was wrong was justified because of that. I didn’t decide to end it - but good riddance. Who needs someone like that.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 05:19 PM
3

From someone who has been starving to death emotionally for the past decade with a horrible spouse, I think the solution lies in working on ourselves to not have as much of an external dependency for emotional needs. I have no idea how to achieve this but it’s what I’ve read. People mention and recommend stoicism, Buddhism, etc
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 10:24 AM
2

Tell him about this thing you alluded to earlier. If she’s making threats and using the kids as leverage you need to take the gloves off and realize what kind of fight you’re in here.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 10:07 AM
7

No kids is an amazing blessing.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 10:54 PM
6

We have three kids and she’s leaving for a townhouse in two weeks. I’m absolutely scared what I might do if that situation happens to me. I very much doubt it will as it’s a purchase and her ego is huge and very fragile.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 10:53 PM
7

Imagine having your heart ripped out and you have to smile and tell the things that matter most to you that it’ll be ok. I have three daughters and I have to mourn the life I lost for myself as well as feel bad for destroying theirs. No kids is a wonderful blessing.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 10:14 PM
2

Prenup the hell out of it. I’ll get married with a hell of a lot of paper armor
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 07:58 PM
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